#HE WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SAVING THE WORLD AND SAVING THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S CARED ABOUT HIM. I NEED TO THROW UP

[ceepi]

One of the first things that people ask when it comes to the rise of the Nazis to power is "why did the Germans vote for Hitler?". The response is always discussing the difficult economic situation of Germany at the time, the tension between people following the First World War, and Hitler's manipulation. Looking back on Hitler's campaign we can discern that he did in fact play on people's emotions, but other than that his speeches weren't particularly good. We can see the clear hints of the more harmful ideologies, until that's all that they become. We can sit here and judge the people of 1936 Germany and wonder why they would choose Hitler to solve their problems. Americans today are faced with the same issue as post-WWI Germans. The promises made by politicians are so appealing that people choose to ignore what it really means. The mass deportation of immigrants promised by Trump can be clearly linked back to Hitler's attempts to get rid of Jews. Both passionately blamed minorities for the problems of the common people. Hitler sowed hate amongst individuals, gave the masses someone to blame, blew things massively out of proportion so that he could then justify the horrible acts that he planned to enact on these minorities. Trump is clearly going down the same path. Elon Musk, chosen by Trump himself, given a position in government made just for him, did a Nazi salute in front of a crowd of people and faced only increased support from his followers. The MAGA agenda makes excuses for billionaires who actively harm them. They are seeing how much they can get away with before they lose these people, because despite working against the people that same group gave them the power to do so.

Your enemy isn't the woman trying to get an abortion. Your enemy isn't the gay couple you saw on the street. Your enemy isn't the immigrant, the black person, the trans person, isn't anyone that the right-wing is telling you is.

Your enemies are the politicians, the billionaires, the people who will come for you once they're done with everyone else.

Revolt, protest, take matters into your own hands because the people who tried saving you have had their rights taken away already and can no longer risk it.

[vaguely-concerned]

severing the connection of the titans to themselves, each other and their children, to the world, and with it severing the connection of the dwarves to their true nature, the basic state of love and belonging that should be their birthright. ("our children, orphaned".) severing the connection between rook and the reality and true memory of varric, and thus from themselves and their own healing grief AND love. (do we spot the echo, perhaps?) severing (mostly accidentally this time, I'll give him that) the connection between the fade and the real world, dream and reality.

the scale we're operating on varies from the mythic, the cosmic and existential, to the individual and deeply, nauseatingly intimately personal, but it's the same pattern every time. solas keeps committing the same act of enforced dissociation, of creating orphaned pain that cannot even know itself, estranged from its own history, origins and coherence, unhealable in being impossible to recognize for what it is and thus unreachable. (hello lucanis in the minrathous saved route btw. this theme echoes everywhere when you look for it. I do love this game.) making others strangers to themselves for his own purposes and being surprised when it blows up in his face horrifically once more even when it's his same indelible original sin repeated, again and again and again. dissociation is a natural process the mind uses to protect itself from unbearable pain, but to knowingly cause that in someone, to play around with their connection to themselves and reality so fundamentally, to further your own cause... yeah, I'm not surprised the fabric of the world keeps tearing apart in protest in response to that, there's something so unspeakably insidiously wrong about it. forget snacking down on apples and knowing yourself to be naked or whatever, that sounds like a perfectly blameless if presumably slightly chilly afternoon to me -- force-feeding someone else their own fragmentation for your own gain, however ostensibly worthy your final goal, feels much closer to what real sin would be to me. and even worse because *buries face in hands* he just keeps doing it!!! he should know better, but he keeps doing it!!!!!!

I know I keep joking that solas only has the like three basic moves he keeps rearranging to invent new and spectacular ways of doubling down on making the same mistake yet again, but looking at it like this it's almost not even funny anymore haha. (almost. there is a hysterical amusement and affection that rises within me every time I see his smug little face, we cannot choose who we love only what we do about it.) and the worst thing is that I think he could learn! I do believe he has the capacity, the depth of empathy and soul and intellect, to learn from this, had he chosen to do so, had he let himself pause and truly listen at any point. but at the end of the day, even all these thousands of years later and with the mountains of guilt he lugs around, he chooses not to. and I suspect it's because he fundamentally does not actually understand what he did wrong. on his way to, ostensibly, fix one of these splits he caused, that of the veil, he basically goes and does to rook's mind what he did to the titans, and without the hand of mythal guiding it or anyone else culpable in it with him this time, as if to underline twice that in all these thousands of years he has learned absolutely nothing! almost to an impressive degree! does he even recognize that it's the same thing he's doing? does he even actually afford rook and their internal world that much thought to begin with, aside from what purpose they can serve for him? I'm not so sure. and to do it all with varric's face, with the person he took from them, making them feel complicit in it when they find out, the same way the dwarves will have to grapple with the fact that their whole economy is based in unwittingly selling the blood of like. god. their parents. themselves. solas. babe. what the fUCK. what the fuck. what the fuck.

perhaps part of the blind spot comes down to the way it's the inverse of his own trauma. solas knows exactly what happened to him because it's the endless ache at the center of his existence, the thing -- the first mistake -- he can't escape or undo or forget, nor bring himself to accept: he became real, one coherent set self, with no way back to what and who he was. and what he does with that pain, his one move, is to make others not-real. to himself, and more alarming still to themselves. he makes them forget, as he cannot forget. does he think it's mercy, in some way? does he realize how and why that makes it all so much worse??? and... not quite the same thing, but when mythal dies the structure of his own inner world falls apart catastrophically, and in his vengeance for that, even unintentionally, he imposes that same unravelling on the world. we've all heard the lines about spirits mirroring the real world and what you bring into your relationship with them being what you get in return, but how about the tragedy of the inverse -- the world being brought to mirror you, despite what your intentions might have been going in. no one should have that power, but you claimed that power yourself to do something else and now you have to look into that mirror forever. no such mercy as forgetting yourself for you. you are everywhere now, this broken mirror of a world will reflect yourself back to you no matter where you look. perhaps it would feel easier to simply close your eyes and walk on willfully blindly. AGH it's all so delicious and fucked up and makes me feel absolutely nuts

dissociation is something that's also central in iron bull's character and internal conflict, so presumably this is simply a deep theme trick weekes keeps returning to/is interested in exploring in their writing! and the elegance with which it's done and how inextricably yet subtly embedded in the narrative it is both with bull and overall in veilguard means it's not always engaged with or recognized as I feel it deserves, but to me personally it is Everything and gets at it in ways that feel weirdly real and authentic.

[jasmine-does-wevertf-she-wants]

I'm thinking about the difference between like and love in MDZS.

Like it's out of the question that LWJ is instantly incredibly attracted to WWX. Later that obviously develops into a very devoted very deep love. The narration doesn't give any indication when that happens though I'd venture somewhere during the Wen indoctrination camp.

Anyways, does teen!LWJ like WWX though? In the way that he enjoys his company, likes to spend time with him, enjoys who he is as a person? I'd say no. We have no indication that LWJ regards WWX positively on a conscious level at all. Now I think that mostly can be attributed to teen!LWJ lacking most of the emotional development he'll do later. Teen!LWJ doesn't seem to like anyone much other than LXC. And that's okay! He's not a people person and that's fine! Given that and the emotional turmoil WWX most certainly wrecked on him upon arriving in Cloud Recesses I think it's perfectly understandable he doesn't like him much and tries to avoid him.

But then attraction begins to develop into love when he sees WWX isn't only a trouble maker in the Wen indoctrination camp but can take himself back for the safety of the group while still sticking to his principles. Who does it like him? Then he still takes care of LWJ single-handedly saves the whole group sacrificing himself in the process and LWJ is forced to confront very suddenly he's not falling in love with a beautiful talented careless troublemaker but with one of the few people in their world who will choose what's right and trying his best to balance that with the circumstances they live in. And WWX goes missing and LWJ is desperate to find him and he comes back and he is so markedly different from anything their world says he's supposed to be and decidingly not in a good way and he's prepared to let it go for the sake of conforming to the rules he holds so high. Of course throughout the plot he realizes the rules mean nothing and can be very much interpreted to do injustice vs. upholding what's right and that he was wrong to turn his back on WWX for not abiding by the rules.

And then WWX comes back from the dead and it's the first time LWJ really lets himself enjoy his company lets himself enjoy the person WWX is actively keeps him by his side while WWX tries his damned best to be the most obnoxious person to LWJ and how likely is it that LWJ realizes it does not matter? He was so so so wrong for ever thinking WWX annoying. He doesn't like most people's company but WWX can do everything he could not stand in another person and it's fine because he knows WWX and knows whatever he does is out of love and because he thinks it's right and WWX does not go wrong in judging what's right.

And I think actually the opposite is true for WWX. He arrives at Cloud Recesses and is so captivated by LWJ so beautiful the only one who can keep up with him and he stays by his principles the only one WWX ever met who truly treats him as equal. But LWJ rejects him at every opportunity and while WWX does not think LWJ hates him that's certainly not a basis to consider anything more and then the plot happens and really he doesn't have much time to think about anything regarding his feelings until his death.

But then he's resurrected and they do have time and LWJ is not rejecting him but supporting him and caring for him at every turn. Being a person WWX can depend on. Being the only one who ever was that for WWX. While still being beautiful and brilliant and being even more righteous than he was as a teenager and WWX falls in love so quickly it's a speed run. And he really didn't have a chance to do any different.

And I think it's kind of beautiful how they start out from such different points but very beautifully meet in the middle after years and years of misery but still together in the end.

[narutouzumakiarchive]

This is a gem of an interview, and I want to record my thoughts.

Additionally, we have included the latest information about the upcoming movie "THE LAST -NARUTO THE MOVIE", which is scheduled to be released in December.

LOL. I'll get to this later, but it's important to note that this interview was a part of the promo cycle for The Last. Now moving on...

Kishimoto further confirms Naruto and Sasuke were friends as well as enemies during their final battle. You'd think it would be obvious, but a certain fanbase has actually denied both. And I'm not joking.

Kishimoto believed that was the only way to save Sasuke, which makes it glaringly obvious why it was a solo Naruto act and not a Team 7 act like fans desperately wanted — Naruto was the only one Sasuke considered a friend.

Kishimoto also confirms Naruto was the only one who could accept Sasuke. In fact, "only" doesn't quite convey the force of the original JP's "No one else but Naruto." "Even Sakura gave up when she tried to stab Sasuke."

And again, this is nothing new. The original work conveyed the force of Naruto's devotion and love for Sasuke quite clearly. You barely have to do any interpretation because it's all text. But, again, fans who pick and choose the elements of Kishimoto's interviews they pay attention to ignore his interviews and Sasuke's own words to pay attention to Kakashi.

Even though Kakashi has repeatedly been shown to be ignorant about Sakura's true nature. But sure, "Sakura won't cut Sasuke off no matter what." 🙄

Kishimoto gives his input to the controversial debate about who Naruto's best friend is. Surprise, surprise — it's Sasuke! (What a shocker) He also discussed how painful it would be for Naruto for Naruto to lose Sasuke. It's a central topic explored in SNS' bond; when Naruto is confronted by Sasuke about his feelings in 698 the only answer he can give is that he feels pain when he sees Sasuke in pain. It's obvious Sasuke is Naruto's most precious person.

Next comes the most "infamous" part of the interview, and honestly seeing the more accurate translation, as opposed to the mistranslation spread by NH/SS fans, was elucidating and far from the incriminating "anti sns" evidence that it's been misread as.

Kishimoto makes it clear that Naruto and Sasuke's dynamic encompasses friendship. He has continuously repeated (Kana, Entermix) that he doesn't distinguish between friendship, brotherly love, or familial love which is why he compared a specific aspect of Naruto and Sasuke's dynamic (mutual feelings of empathy) to a specific aspect of his relationship with his brother.

Kishimoto believes that relational categories can overlap while still remaining distinct. This overlap of relational categories is a frequent theme that he's has explored in Naruto as well as in his other works.

For example, in Kishimoto's manga Samurai 8, Hachimaru (MC) is in love with Ann.

Yet, it is also revealed that the spirit of Ann's dead adoptive brother, Nanashi, exists within Hachimaru and that his romantic love for Ann is intertwined with fraternal love.

While textually explicit romantic feelings and fraternal feelings co-mingle, Kishimoto still maintains the "fuzzy" distinction between the two relational categories.

Next, Kishimoto talks about Kaguya and explicitly indicates he had no plans to continue Kaguya's origin story, which is funny because it's the entire plot of the Boruto manga. He couldn't have made it more obvious that he didn't have any investment in it.

The other is to solve the mysteries that remain in the world. If we don't find out who Otsutsuki Kaguya is, the final boss of the original work, and where she came from, the world will be struck by disaster again, so it's also a journey to stop that. However, if I explain it in detail, people will think, "Is this still going on?", so I just glossed over it. There are no plans to continue it.

And finally, we get to the discussion of The Last, and this is where it's important to remember that Kishimoto needed to promote the movie.

If you've made it to this point and read through the above interview, you'll notice that everything Kishimoto stated about Naruto and Sasuke's bond was depicted in the manga straightforwardly. Naruto's fear of losing his best friend, Naruto's status as Sasuke's one and only — these are all things that can be proven with direct manga panels from Naruto because Sasuke and Naruto's bond is simply the plot. With NH on the other hand, and particularly during the promo cycle of The Last, you'll notice the opposite. Kishimoto routinely contradicted himself because NH simply had nothing worthwhile.

Kishimoto: I decided on Hinata a long time ago. There was a time when I was torn between Sakura and Hinata, but if Sakura were to change her mind about Naruto now, it would make her seem like a really terrible woman (laughs).

Here, he said he'd decided on Hinata a long time ago and that he was torn between Sakura and Hinata. But in his pre and post TL interviews, he contradicts himself regarding the time he actually decided to make NH endgame and about whether he'd legitimately considered NRSK.

Kishimoto also discusses the theme of "love" in this interview, but there have been contradictions on that front as well as noted [here].

It simply can't be taken seriously. Kishimoto had no devotion or emotional attachment to the NH dynamic, and it shows. It had to be suggested by Stufio Pierrot. There's a reason why when Kishimoto wrote an actual movie script (Boruto) it was only Naruto, Sasuke and Boruto who got any focus which led to SP doing damage control and giving Hinata more relevance in the anime by taking from SNS.

Kishimoto Entermix Magazine interview

Translation from Google Translate, QuillBot and DeepL

本当に終わっちゃうの?

Is it really over?

週刊少年ジャンプ50号にて堂々の完結を果たした『NARUTO- ナルト-」 を記念して、15年に及ぶ長期連載の執筆を終えてすぐ の岸本斉史先生を直撃。 最終回を迎えた現在の心境からラスト バトルに込めた想い、 劇場版の制作エピソードや次回作の話ま で、話題大盛りでいくってばよ!

In commemoration of “NARUTO,” which reached its grand conclusion in the 50th issue of Weekly Shonen Jump, we interviewed Mr. Masashi Kishimoto, who has just finished writing the long-running serialization that spanned 15 years. He talked about everything from his current state of mind after the final episode to his thoughts on the final battle, the production episode of the movie version, and his next work, and much more!

完結の熱と共に、フィナーレは続く 説明不要の国民的人気漫画『NARUTO-ナルト ―』が、11月10日発売の週刊少年ジャンプ50号にて一挙 2話掲載され、第700話をもって15年の歴史に幕を下 ろした。3年以上に渡って連載された第四次忍界大戦の ラストバトルはナルトとサスケの一騎打ち。激闘の末に 迎えたグランドフィナーレは漫画史上に残る大団円との 声も。エンタミクスでは同作への感謝を込めて岸本斉史 先生のインタビューと共に、ナルトの成長の軌跡 イバック。さらに12月に公開を控えた劇場版『THE LAST -NARUTO THE MOVIE』のマ スト情報も掲載。原作は完結したものの次なるプロジェク トの構想が次々と明らかになり、まだまだ『NARUTO ―ナルト―』から目が離せない。

With the heat of conclusion, the finale continues.

The immensely popular manga "NARUTO", which needs no introduction, had two chapters released at once in the 50th issue of Weekly Shonen Jump, released on November 10th, and the 700th chapter will bring the curtain down on its 15-year history. The final battle of the Fourth Shinobi World War, which has been serialized for more than three years, is a one-on-one fight between Naruto and Sasuke. The grand finale that followed the fierce battle is said to be a grand conclusion that will go down in manga history. Entamix is proud to present an interview with Masashi Kishimoto as well as a look at Naruto's growth trajectory. Additionally, we have included the latest information about the upcoming movie "THE LAST -NARUTO THE MOVIE", which is scheduled to be released in December. Although the original work has concluded, the plans for the next project are being revealed one after another, so we still can't take our eyes off "NARUTO".

ナルト VS サスケの最終決戦は 連載開始から決めてました

The final battle between Naruto and Sasuke was decided from the beginning of the series.

-15年の長期連載、お疲れさまでした!

-Thank you for your hard work over the last 15 years of serialization!

岸本斉史(以下、岸本) : ありがとうございます。 実はつい1時間ほど前に最終話を描き上げたば かりなんですよ。 それから少し仮眠して、この 取材を受けているんですが、今頃になってよう やく終わったんだっていうことを認識できるよ うになってきました。

Masashi Kishimoto: Thank you very much. Actually, I just finished drawing the final chapter about an hour ago. Then I took a short nap and now that I'm here for this interview I'm starting to realize that it's finally over.

まさに興奮冷めやらぬですね。 先生にとっ どんな1年間でしたか?

-The excitment is still palpable. How was the past year for you, sensei?

岸本: こういう質問にはこれまで「長いようで短かった」って答えていたんですが、今の率直 な気持ちは「本当に長かった」です(笑)。 この感 覚は連載が終わったからでしょうね。 毎週締め 切りに追われている状態の時は一週間があっと いう間なんですけど、今振り返ってみるとやっ ばり15年というのは長かったですね。

Kishimoto: Up until now, I have answered questions like this by saying "It seemed long but it was short" but now my honest feeling is "It was really long" (laughs). This feeling is probably due to the fact that the serialization is over. A week passes by in the blink of an eye when you're busy with deadlines every week, but looking back now, I realize that 15 years was a long time.

最終話を描き終えた瞬間の感は、どのようなものだったのでしょうか?

-How did you feel when you finished the last chapter?

岸本: 原稿が描き上がったとき、初代の担当編 集さんが花束を抱えてきてくださったんです。 その花束をもらった瞬間に、一気に新人時代が 甦りました。2人で連載を立ち上げた時のこと とか、これまでの苦労とか。 その時は本当にヤ バかったです。アシスタントさんの前だったの で「別に……」って強がって(笑)。泣いたらカ ッコ悪いので、必死に涙をこらえていました。

Kishimoto: When I finished the manuscript, the first editor came to me with a bouquet of flowers. When I received the bouquet, I was instantly reminded of my rookie days, when we launched the serialization together, and all the hardships we had gone through. It was a really bad time. Since the assistants were there I pretended to be tough, so I said “It's nothing...” (laugh). I was desperately holding back tears because it would be embarrassing to cry.

最後のナルトVSサスケ戦は15年の集大成に 相応しい見事なバトルでしたが、この決着はい つ頃から決めていたのですか?

-The final battle between Naruto and Sasuke was a magnificent battle worthy of being the culmination of 15 years, but when did you decide on this outcome?

岸本: 最後はナルトとサスケが戦って終わりにしようというのは、連載当初から初代編集担当 さんと話し合って決めていました。 担当が変わ るときにも「あのラストだけは変えちゃダメだ よ」と言われたのですが、同時に「君の作品だか ら、どう変わっても自由だよ」とも言われて、い ったいどっちなのかなと(笑)。ただ僕の中でも このラストは変えたくなかったので、結局そこ はブレずに貫きましたが、それぞれがどういう 状態で最終決戦を迎えるのかはずっと手探り状 態で、現在のような流れがはっきりと固まった のは3年ほど前��した。 ラストバトルで僕がこ だわったのは、ナルトとサスケがただの敵では なく、互いを友達だと意識しながら戦うという ことです。と言うのも、最後にサスケを救う可能 性があるんだったらそこしかないと思ったんで す。 サスケは色々あって拗ねまくってしまった 面倒くさいヤツなんですよ。自分で描いていて もイライラするくらい(笑)。そんなサスケを受 け止められるのは、めちゃくちゃ器が大きいナ ルトくらいしかいないんです。あれだけサスケ のことが大好きなサクラでも、サスケを刺そう とした際に一度は諦めの気持ちが芽生えていま すけど、ナルトにはまったく諦めがないですか ら。親友を失って終わるのはやっぱり辛いです から、僕自身そんなナルトの可能性に賭けて、 何とかサスケを救って欲しいと思いました。

Kishimoto: I had discussed with my first editor from the beginning of serialization that the finale would be a battle between Naruto and Sasuke. When I was assigned a different editor, he told me, "You must not change that ending," but at the same time, he also said, "It's your work, so you're free to change it however you like," and I wondered which was it (laughs).

However, I didn't want to change the finale, so I stuck to it in the end, as for how each character would be in their final battle, it was always a bit of a trial-and-error process, and it wasn't until about three years ago that the flow of the story we have now became clearly established.

What I was particular about in the final battle was that Naruto and Sasuke would not be just enemies, but that they would fight while being aware that they were friends. I thought that if there was any chance of saving Sasuke in the end, that was the only way to do it.

Sasuke is a troublesome guy who was constantly sulking because of all the things that happened. Even I get frustrated drawing him (laughs). The only person who can accept Sasuke like that is Naruto, who has an incredibly big heart. Even Sakura, who loves Sasuke so much, gave up on him when she tried to stab him, but Naruto never gives up. It's painful to end the story by losing your best friend, so I wanted to bet on Naruto's potential and hope he would somehow save Sasuke.

キン肉ドライバーの兄弟愛 岸本先生がもっとも伝えたかった。友情というテーマをきっちりと描き切りましたね。

The Brotherly Love of Kinnikuman Driver.

The main message that Kishimoto-sensei wanted to convey was the theme of friendship, which he perfectly captured.

岸本 :そこは満足しています。友情”はたくさ んの作品でテーマになっていますが、僕にとって 友情は兄弟愛や家族愛に近いもので、それを失 うことはアイデンティティを喪失すること。 テ ィーンエイジャーにとってもっとも怖いことで、 その様子は作品上でも度々描いてきました。 今 回はその集大成を最後のバトルで表現できたと 思います。

Kishimoto: I'm satisfied with that. "Friendship" is a theme in many of my works, but to me friendship is similar to brotherly love or family love, and losing it is akin to losing one's identity. This is the most frightening thing for teenagers, and I have often depicted this in my works. I think this time I was able to express the culmination of this in the final battle.

ナルトとサスケは最初から最後まで、まさ に双子の兄弟のような関係ですもんね。

From beginning to end, Naruto and Sasuke are like twin brothers, aren't they?

岸本: 実際に僕自身が本当に��子なので、小さ い頃からナルトが感じていたような感覚を持っ て育ってきたんです。 この話は格好悪いのであ んまり話したくはないんですけど、小学生の頃 は2人とも体が小さくて、休み時間になるとよ 弟がキン肉マンに登場するパロスペシャルと いう技をかけられていたんです。別にいじめら れていたわけではないのですが、体が小さいと 何かと技をかけられる時期じゃないですか。 そ んな弟を見ていると、まるで自分が技をかけら れているように痛かったんです。 まあ実際に僕 は僕で、弟の隣でキン肉ドライバーをかけられ ていたっていうのもあるんですが(笑)。 でも変 な話ですが、 そういう時に「俺たちって兄弟な 「んだな」ということを強く感じたんですよ。 弟 との繋がりを意識した瞬間というか。それが高 校生や大学生になると、友達が失恋したり何か 上手くいかないことがあると、小学生時代に弟 に対して抱いた感覚と同じ感覚になるようにも なったんです。そこで「俺はコイツと本当に仲 がいいんだな」って改めて思ったりしました。 だから僕にとっては兄弟愛と友情は同じなんで す。そういう意味では、双子に生まれてきてよ ��ったと思います。 ナルトとサスケの友情の原型は、まさに僕と弟だったわけですから。

Kishimoto: I actually am a twin myself, so I grew up with the same feelings that Naruto experienced. This story is kind of embarrasing so I don't really want to talk about it but when we were in elementary school, we were both small, and during recess, my younger brother would often get hit with a technique called the Paro Special, which appears in Kinnikuman. It's not like we were being bullied or anything, but when you're small, you tend to get picked on with moves like that, right? It was painful to watch my younger brother as if I was being attacked myself. And I actually was, right next to him, getting hit with a Kinniku Driver (laughs). But, oddly enough, it was at those moments that I really felt we were brothers. It was the moment when I became aware of the connection with my younger brother.

When I became a high school and university student, I started to feel the same way towards my friends when they experienced heartbreak or something didn't go well, just like I did towards my younger brother when I was in elementary school. In those moments, I would think, "Wow, I really get along well with this guy". So, for me, brotherly love and friendship are the same. In that sense, I'm glad I was born as a twin.

The prototype of Naruto and Sasuke's friendship was me and my brother.

This is the screenshot fans often share if you wish to compare translations. The last sentence on the first paragraph doesn't make sense in context and the third paragraph is kinda clunky.

〒699話ではサスケが里を去り、 旅をする 様子が描かれていますが、このように結末を描 いた意図は?

-Chapter 699 shows Sasuke leaving the village and going on a journey. What was the intention behind depicting the ending this way?

岸本 あれだけのことをやってしまったので、 さすがに里で普通に暮らすのは難しいですよ ね。だからひとつは贖罪の旅という意味です。 さらに僕の中にある裏設定としては、世界に残 っている謎を解明するという目的です。原作の ラスボスだった大筒木カグヤがいったい何者 で、どこから来たのかを解明しないと再び世界 が厄災に見舞われてしまうので、それを阻止す るための旅でもあるんです。ただそれを長々と 説明してしまうと、「これ、まだまだ続くの?」 って思われてしまうので、そこはさらっと流し ました。そこは続く予定はありませんから。

Kishimoto: It is difficult to live a normal life in the village after all that has happened. So one aspect of it is that it's a journey of atonement. The other is to solve the mysteries that remain in the world. If we don't find out who Otsutsuki Kaguya is, the final boss of the original work, and where she came from, the world will be struck by disaster again, so it's also a journey to stop that. However, if I explain it in detail, people will think, "Is this still going on?", so I just glossed over it. There are no plans to continue it.

最終話ではヒナタとの間に2人の子供がい ることが示唆されましたが、ヒナタとナルトが 結婚する未来はいつ頃固まったのでしょうか。

-The final chapter hinted that Naruto has two children with Hinata, but when was it solidified that Hinata and Naruto would eventually get married?

岸本: かなり前からヒナタで決めていました。 サクラにしようかと迷った時期もあったのです が、ここへ来てサクラがナルトに心変わりした ら、さすがにサクラはひどい女過ぎでしょう (笑)。それに、実際サクラはなんだかんだでサ スケに対して一途なんだと思います。

Kishimoto: I decided on Hinata a long time ago. There was a time when I was torn between Sakura and Hinata, but if Sakura were to change her mind about Naruto now, it would make her seem like a really terrible woman (laughs). Besides, I think Sakura is actually quite devoted to Sasuke, no matter what.

夏までナルトを描きます ―“友情”を描き切った漫画本編に対し、12月 に公開される映画「THE LAST』では、一 転して“恋愛”がテーマとなっていますね。

I'll be drawing Naruto until summer.

-While the main manga is all about friendship, the movie "The Last," which will be released in December, has a completely different theme: love.

岸本: 恋愛をテーマにしたいというアイデアは アニメ制作サイドから出たものでした。 僕とし てはいいアイデアが浮かばなければ映画は作ら ないほうがいいんじゃないかと思っていたので すが、この話を聞いた瞬間に「これはイケるか も」と感じました。 漫画ではバトルばかりでほ とんど恋愛描写はできなかったので、その補完 的な意味合いも込めて、映画で恋愛面でのナルトの成長を描写できると思い、一気にイメージが膨らみました。

Kishimoto: The idea to make romance the theme came from the anime production side. I thought that if I couldn't come up with a good idea, I shouldn't make a film, but the moment I heard about this, I thought "This could work." The manga is all about battles and not much about romance, so I thought the movie would be a great complement to the manga, and I could portray Naruto's growth in terms of romance, which is what I had in mind when I started the movie.

岸本先生としては、映画にどのように携わ られたのでしょうか。

-Kishimoto-sensei, how were you involved in the film?

岸本 最初に話をいただいたときにはシナリオ の第一稿が出来ていたんですよ。僕はそれを元 に修正依頼をしてブラッシュアップしていった 感じです。脚本家さんを始め、スタッフのかた が、ナルトの恋愛”というテーマにすごく前向き で、僕もその熱意に共感していつの間にか細か 何度も修正をお願いしてしまいました。

Kishimoto: When I was first approached about the project, the first draft of the script had already been completed. I used that as the basis when requesting revisions and gradually polishing it up. The screenwriter and the staff were very positive about the theme of "Naruto's love life" and I shared their enthusiasm and before I knew it I asked them to revise the script several times.

原作でも本格的な恋愛描写はほとんど登場 しませんし、 特にナルトの恋愛というのは想像 し難いですよね。

-There are hardly any serious depictions of romance in the original work, and it's especially hard to imagine a romantic relationship for Naruto.

岸本: 僕自身、恋愛描写は恥ずかしくなっちゃ って描けないんです。だから原作でも本気の描 写は避けてきましたし、最終話では「ドラゴン ボール」ばりに一気に時間を飛ばす形を取りま した。 恋愛話はアニメだからこそ実現出来たこ とだと思いますし、結果的に漫画のラストに繋 がる良いエピソードになったと思います。

Kishimoto: Personally, I find depictions of love embarrassing and I can't draw them. That's why I avoided serious depictions in the original work, and in the final chapter I took the approach of jumping through time in a "Dragon Ball" style. I think the love story was only possible in the anime, and it turned out to be a good episode that leads up to the end of the manga.

そして最後にどうしても気になるのは、岸本先生の今後の予定についてです。

-And lastly, what I'm really curious about is Kishimoto-sensei's future plans.

岸本: 来年春に「NARUTO-ナルト-」新編を 短期集中連載します。それ以外にも、夏くらいま では『NARUTO-ナルト-」関連の仕事がまだ 残っていますから、本格的に次作の準備に取りか かるのはそれからですね。 実はネタ帳には色々 なアイデアが溜まっているので、期待してくだ さい。 でも僕も40歳になったので、週刊連載は 辛いですね。よく秋本(治) 先生を見習えって言 われますけど、 秋本先生は本当にすごいんです。 できれば週刊は勘弁してください(笑)。まずは、 もろもろ落ち着いたら新婚旅行と子供と遊ぶ時 間を作りたいですね。結婚して10年以上経ちま すが、 『NARUTO-ナルト-」のおかげでとに かくノンストップでした。 そろそろナルトたち と一緒に自分の家族も大切にしなきゃね(笑)。

Kishimoto: I'll be serializing a new chapter of "NARUTO" in a short intensive series next spring. Other than that, I still have work related to "NARUTO" until around summer, so I won't be able to start preparing for the next installment until then. Actually, I have a lot of ideas in my notebook, so please look forward to them. But now that I'm 40 years old, weekly serialization is tough. People often tell me to follow Akimoto (Osamu) sensei's example, but Akimoto sensei is really amazing. If possible, please spare me from weekly serialization (laughs). First of all, once everything has settled down, I want to have time for a honeymoon and to play with my children. I've been married for over 10 years, but thanks to "NARUTO", it's been nonstop. It's about time I cherish my family along with Naruto (laughs).

Please let me know any correction/observation you have.

[pjoseries]

the show dangling percy and annabeth's fatal flaws in front of them (and us) really was so crazy like shut the fuck up what do you mean annabeth's prideful what do you mean percy's loyal shut up shut UP

[morganmnemonic]

I can't stop thinking about the relationship between Jon and Helen as perhaps one of the most important ones in the entire show. They are narrative parallels for each other, and they both know it. They've both known it from the very start!

Helen walks into the Archives, paranoid, unsure of who to trust, and Jon sees himself in her. And he thinks "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." Then he can't save her. The next time they meet, she's a monster. They're both monsters. There was never any other way their stories could have gone, their fates entwined from the very start.

And Helen answers his original thought with one of her own: "Maybe if we can help each other, there's hope for us both." But Jon looks at her and sees everything that he fears becoming, and so he turns her away, and refuses to accept that their stories are still one and the same.

Helen went to the last person who was ever kind to her, the only person who both knew her as a human and had the context to understand what she'd become, and he hated her. He hated her because he liked Helen, and told her that she couldn't be Helen.

So she stopped trying to be Helen, and embraced being a monster. Reveled in it even. Then Jon wakes up from a six month coma, more monster than person, and tries so hard to cling to the things that mattered to him when he was human. Even with no support, even with the entire archives staff against him, he chooses humanity and compassion over and over again.

And this is a direct threat to Helen's world view. Their stories are entwined. If Jon can continue to be a person even after everything he's been through, then she could have clung to her humanity too, if only she'd tried a little harder. And that terrifies her! She wants to conceptualize herself as someone who was completely overwhelmed by forces beyond her control, who never had a choice but to become a monster. She want's to be an innocent victim. But Jon argues with his actions that they'd both had choices.

And, Jon, in turn, holds out hope that she might make better choices until the very end.

This is the conflict between them for all of season 4 and 5. Jon wants to prove that they can both be decent people, and Helen wants to prove that they were never going to be anything but monsters. This is why she's so devoted to trying to goad Jon into enjoying his newfound godhood. She knows that they are the same, and wants that to mean that he has a spark of evil inside of him, and not that she was always capable of doing good.

When Jon kills her, she loses her life, but wins the argument. Helen is nothing but a dangerous monster who needs to be killed for the good of everyone, and in the moment he decides that, Jon dooms himself to the same fate. Their stories are one and the same. "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." he thought. But he couldn't help her, refused to, even, in the one moment when it actually mattered. And thus, there was never hope for him.

[leilawanderingaround]

Loving Kevin Kaslana and then finding my beloved again in Hsr, just as beautiful as the day I lost him was such an experience... It's insane

"Never thought the deliverance would be interested in older women? Did you hang out with Aglaea too much lately?" Mydei has to physically grab Phainon's face to drag his gaze off of you before they get found out by your group.

"That's not it... It's just that she..." Being a Chrysos Heir and being good looking as he is, Phainon certainly doesn't lack suitors. There are many who would offer themselves to him on a silver platter. And yet, despite the adoration, the admiration they held for him, Phainon's feelings didn't reciprocate.

Because of that, he has been alone for a long time now. Choosing to put the well being of Amphoreus above his own needs and feelings. It was like that until he met you. You arrived on this doomed planet alongside your companions, shining down like a ray of hope sent by the gods.

Unlike them, you look older. You dressed like a person in their late 40th, choosing practically and comfort over style, and barely show any skin. The mark of time have left its mark on you in the form of the wrinkles at the corner of your eyes, and the callousness on your hands. Your eyes soft yet unyielding, signs that you have been through your own fair share of troubles. You look, no, are too old for him.

And yet, his heartbeat only gets faster as he sees you, heat rushing down his cheeks.

"I might need your help for this" he was really shameful, that the Chrysos Heir admitted. But he can't let go of his curiosity.

Every time he tries to talk to you, your first move was to distant yourself from him. If you two are even in a conversation, you always refuse to share any information about yourself. You are willing to share bits here and there about our companions and the world above the sky but never about yourself.

And your eyes, he knows that there is love beneath it. But it was not directed at him. It is as if you are looking at someone else. Someone that is him but at the same time isn't.

After that look, he decided to be selfish. He yearn to know about you, about who you are, what your liking, what power you possessed and who is your love.

Tribbie was very against it at first but after much begging, finally caved in and agreed to steal your phone for him. He know he needed to be fast, otherwise your group would get suspicious. After all, outside of your weapon and money, it was the only possession that you brought along.

But even Titans weren't enough to prepare him about what he supposed to find inside that little device. Pictures, letters, conversations between you and... Kevin Kaslana. There is no denying the love you two have for one another. Sweeten words, soft gestures and sacred moments shared between lovers. Between you and a man who shared his face. Precious memories sealed inside this little thing.

Time clearly passed since the two of you since you were clearly older than the pictures in your phone. And it proved that this Kevin- your beloved is no longer by your side.

And oddly enough, he feels both sad and satisfied at the same time. Kevin Kaslana isn't there anymore but Phainon is still here. Surely you wouldn't deny yourself a piece of your dearly departed.

After this he planned, he would save this world alongside your side and then convince you to remain by his side on Amphoreus. He is sure that he can love you the same way Kevin have loved you if not better.

But then Aglaea have to come and threatened the life that is yours and your companions. And Phainon have to forced himself to think whether or not it was worth it to save the place he used to call home. Now that he thinks about it, the so called Astral Express would surely welcome another member, right?

[forcenexus]

AS JAXXSON, HE KNEW LIMITED THINGS. Anakin knew vast amounts of information regarding whatever system or person he encountered. So he had to choose what others could know of him. It was a dance he played for the last decade. One he was a professional at and one he knew would make his safety back to the desert planet possible.

Turner sat at the bench and adjusted his poncho so it wouldn't get in the way. The bench was as comfortable as it got. He felt worse in other star ships. The cruiser he took off world had been cramped and smelly. Loaded with migrant workers and people of lower class, Anakin had melted into the pot. There he listened. Listened about what was occurring on the planet he now lived on and what was occurring in the galaxy. Vader was making a name for himself as an enforcer. None of this should have surprised him. It just made him angry because he took so much from him.

Loss crippled him at times. Loss had defined his actions at one time. Now, he was forced to learn to let go. A lesson Grandmaster Yoda tried to teach him as a Knight of the Republic. It was a lesson hard to learn. One he hated more than anything. All things went into the Force and became one with it. Just like one day, he would also. Force knowing it wouldn't be any time soon. "I don't think I have. Unless he was there before we left." He had not seen a Wookie hanging around the club, so it was his guess that he had gone off doing other things.

"Sorry, I don't." Another lie as he glanced down at the table. His stomach rumbled in protest. He had not eaten anything since the morning. It was normal for him to skip meals. Anything was better than ration portions. "We really don't see Wookies in the desert, though I have heard of them before." Better to keep it that way. Before the Empire, he had met quite a few of them and even visited the planet they called home. The last time he saw Grandmaster Yoda was before he left for Kashyyyk. He knew the friendship between the Wookies and Jedi had been imperative to the Clone Wars and it was truly sad how they became enslaved like the rest of the galaxy. "He sounds like a good person to have in a bad spot."

Hearing the processor, he glanced over at it as he took in the sounds it made. The smell that came from it was making his stomach make noises with it. It had been a long time since he had Xachibik stew or anything remotely that he used to eat as a Jedi. "Spice never bothered me much. Anything is better than ration bars, frankly." He would be savoring this as long as he could. When he was back at the homestead, it would be back to the cardboard bars. They had no taste, no flavoring... and were hard to chew. The more thought made him frown. "I'll be sure to give my compliments to the chief if I ever meet him."

The next question had him thinking quickly. Stick to the story he had for newcomers. The only ones who knew better were the villagers he saved from the Black Sun years ago and swore to keep his secret at all costs. Only they knew him as Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, and the liberator. "I was born out there. My parents died when I was younger and left me to raise my siblings. It's only me there now, I'm afraid. The plan is just to survive. Nothing noteworthy."

[hollowed-theory-hall]

your post on harry’s handwriting was an eye-opener for me! ik his writing resembled his mother some and is decent overall, but i’ve never seen pics of it!

idk where the horde of fanfic writers came up with the weird notion that harry has bad/chicken scratch handwriting, which triggers me every. time. they make out his handwriting to be messy, his eating habits sloppy, his speech behaviour bumbling, his appearance unkempt, and that he’s rather messy as a person. which boggles the mind, because he’s used to cleaning up after the dursleys and probably enjoys an orderly space, if not super spic and span??? is it only certain fandoms, cuz they make the other character(s) all elegance personified and well-mannered? like, harry already is a well-mannered boy, otherwise petunia would’ve been tutting, clucking, and dying of shame even more before the nieghbours lmaoo. idk whether to cry or laugh, and sometimes it’s such a turn-off that i choose to rage quit fics.

please, if you have the time, i would love a thorough breakdown/meta on how harry actually comes across as a person!

Okay, I have so much to say about this. And omg, Harry's chicken scratch handwriting is one of my pet peeves in fics (here's the handwriting post, btw). Harry's characterization when done wrong in general, tbh is a huge turn-off for me. Becouse I love Harry, he's my boy.

So, what we're gonna look at is how other characters in the books perceive Harry, how he comes across in universe to people who can't read his mind (like we can, as the readers).

I'll start with a general note about how most characters in the books don't really know Harry. This is mostly because Harry, contrary to fanon interpretations, is a very private person and rarely talks about himself/his feelings/his thoughts out loud. This is a habit I believe was ingrained into him by the Dursleys.

Like, I mentioned in the past Harry doesn't talk as much as other characters. Scenes of the trio usually consist of mostly Ron and Hermione talking, for example. This is not becouse he doesn't have thoughts (he's quite judgmental inside his head, and we know he has a lot to say), but becouse he's used to not voicing a lot of them thanks to the Dursleys.

This essay turned out pretty long, but here we go:

How do others see Harry?

Harry comes off as confident. Harry is a defiant and courageous person, and this often comes off as confidence to other people. It's why Snape thinks Harry is arrogant and why most students are always sure Harry meant to do what he did. They think he has shit together because he comes off like he does:

Harry stayed silent. Snape was trying to provoke him into telling the truth. He wasn’t going to do it. Snape had no proof — yet. “How extraordinarily like your father you are, Potter,” Snape said suddenly, his eyes glinting. “He too was exceedingly arrogant. A small amount of talent on the Quidditch field made him think he was a cut above the rest of us too. Strutting around the place with his friends and admirers . . . The resemblance between you is uncanny.” “My dad didn’t strut,” said Harry, before he could stop himself. “And neither do I.”

(PoA, Ch14)

Snape sees Harry as arrogant, when in fact Harry is just defiant and intelligent.

“But you’ve been too busy saving the Wizarding world,” said Ginny, half laughing. “Well ... I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew this would happen in the end. I knew you wouldn’t be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort. Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

(HBP, Ch30)

Ginny (and other characters) believe he likes to save the wizarding world. That he is this confident hero and savior. I mean, they believe her lie about the tattoo, which says a lot:

and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it’s true you’ve got a hippogriff tattooed across your chest.” Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. Harry ignored them. “What did you tell her?” “I told her it’s a Hungarian Horntail,” said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. “Much more macho.”

(HBP, Ch25)

Harry doesn't see himself as leader material, but it's clear everyone else does:

“I think we ought to elect a leader,” said Hermione. “Harry’s leader,” said Cho at once, looking at Hermione as though she were mad, and Harry’s stomach did yet another back flip. “Yes, but I think we ought to vote on it properly,” said Hermione, unperturbed. “It makes it formal and it gives him authority. So — everyone who thinks Harry ought to be our leader?” Everybody put up their hands, even Zacharias Smith, though he did it very halfheartedly. “Er — right, thanks,” said Harry, who could feel his face burning.

(OotP, Ch18)

Neville Longbottom, who gave a roar of delight, leapt down from the mantelpiece and yelled. “I knew you’d come! I knew it, Harry!”

(DH, Ch28)

“Look who it is! Didn’t I tell you?” As Harry emerged into the room beyond the passage, there were several screams and yells: “HARRY!” “It’s Potter, it’s POTTER!” “Ron!” “Hermione!” [...] “Are you all right, Harry?” Neville was saying. “Want to sit down? I expect you’re tired, aren’t—?” “No,” said Harry. He looked at Ron and Hermione, trying to tell them without words that Voldemort has just discovered the loss of one of the other Horcruxes. Time was running out fast: If Voldemort chose to visit Hogwarts next, they would miss their chance. “We need to get going,” he said, and their expression told him that they understood. “What are we going to do, then, Harry?” asked Seamus. “What’s the plan?” “Plan?” repeated Harry. He was exercising all his willpower to prevent himself succumbing again to Voldemort’s rage: His scar was still burning. “Well, there’s something we—Ron, Hermione, and I—need to do, and then we’ll get out of here.” Nobody was laughing or whooping anymore. Neville looked confused.

(DH, Ch29)

Everyone expected Harry in DH to have a plan of attack the moment he arrived because that's how he acts. Even in the above scene, he's in terrible pain from his scar, but the others don't see it. What they see is a Harry who looks exhausted but says no to rest because there's work to be done and they expect this of him. They see someone fearless and capable with a plan who could lead them, but this isn't what we see because we're inside his head.

How Harry doesn't speak much and acts overall quite distant, as in, he actively avoids the girls who fancy him:

Then he blinked and looked around: He was surrounded by mesmerized girls. “Hi, Harry!” said a familiar voice from behind him. “Neville!” said Harry in relief, turning to see a round-faced boy struggling toward him

(HBP, Ch7)

And he only has two close friends and barley knows the other students in his year. Most students only know Harry Potter from the stories, rumors, and Dumbledore's end-of-the-year speeches about his heroism. They have no clue who the real Harry is — so they expect the hero they do hear about.

He stands his ground a lot (again, defiance):

Harry turned to McLaggen to tell him that, most unfortunately, Ron had beaten him, only to find McLaggen’s red face inches from his own. He stepped back hastily. “His sister didn’t really try,” said McLaggen menacingly. There was a vein pulsing in his temple like the one Harry had often admired in Uncle Vernon’s. “She gave him an easy save.” “Rubbish,” said Harry coldly. “That was the one he nearly missed.”

(HBP, Ch11)

And more often than not, he does so coldly and calmly. A lot of his more fiery anger is a sign of trauma with Harry, his baseline anger reaction is cold.

All of this adds to him appearing to others as controlled, confident, and like he has everything together and could never have any issues. He comes off as this bigger than life person to most people. Snape isn't the only one who reads Harry's behavior as confident. But it's actually far from the truth.

We, as the readers, see how depressed Harry is. How lowly he thinks of himself and how much he doesn't think of himself as anything special when he very clearly is. But the fact he doesn't say any of it and has mastered the skill of acting cold and like everything is fine when he literally wants to die at the age of 5, no one knows. Even Ron and Hermione didn't truly realize the full extent of Harry's low self-worth until 5th year.

The other students are shocked to see Harry as angry as he is in book 5 because he's often way more controlled and well-mannered than that. They're used to seeing him cold and quiet, not firey. Most of his fire stays inside his head unless he's really angry or emotional in general (or traumatized):

Professor Umbridge sat down behind her desk again. Harry, however, stood up. Everyone was staring at him; Seamus looked half-scared, half-fascinated. “Harry, no!” Hermione whispered in a warning voice, tugging at his sleeve, but Harry jerked his arm out of her reach. “So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord, did he?” Harry asked, his voice shaking. There was a collective intake of breath from the class, for none of them, apart from Ron and Hermione, had ever heard Harry talk about what had happened on the night that Cedric had died. They stared avidly from Harry to Professor Umbridge

(OotP, Ch12)

The shock of the other students, I believe, is because of what he's saying, yes, but it's also because Harry is behaving very unlike him here. He usually doesn't shout at teachers or anyone, really. He rarely speaks in classes actually.

And regarding his confidence, everyone, Ron and Hermione included, was sure Harry is super skilled and that that's how he evaded Voldemort:

“You don’t know what it’s like! You — neither of you — you’ve never had to face him, have you? You think it’s just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you’re in class or something? The whole time you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own — your own brain or guts or whatever — like you can think straight when you know you’re about a second from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die — they’ve never taught us that in their classes, what it’s like to deal with things like that — and you two sit there acting like I’m a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up — you just don’t get it, that could just as easily have been me, it would have been if Voldemort hadn’t needed me —” “We weren’t saying anything like that, mate,” said Ron, looking aghast. “We weren’t having a go at Diggory, we didn’t — you’ve got the wrong end of the —” He looked helplessly at Hermione, whose face was stricken.

(OotP, Ch15)

They didn't for a second think he wasn't confident in his own abilities because Harry acts in a way that comes off as confident and capable. It's why everyone so easily accepts him as a leader under various circumstances. He acts level-headed while he's terrified, so everyone thinks he knows what he's doing except Harry (and the reader). Ron and Hermione had zero doubts Harry's skill was a big part of why he survived book 4, it's only Harry who doesn't think that.

The fact Snape bothered to extract his own memories during his Occlumancy lessons goes to show how he thinks Harry is talented, contrary to his words. He feared Harry would reverse the connection and see into his mind, otherwise he wouldn't have taken these precautions.

Think of Voldemort’s resurrection even. Inside his mind, we know Harry's terrified. We know he has no idea what he's doing.

But imagine being a Death Eater in the crowd and you see this 14-year-old kid stand up after being Crucio-ed by their lord, and he stands up, resists the imperius, and shouts at your lord like he thinks of himself as equal to him — or, perhaps, better than him:

“I asked you whether you want me to do that again,” said Voldemort softly. “Answer me! Imperio!” [...] I WON’T!” And these words burst from Harry’s mouth; they echoed through the graveyard, and the dream state was lifted as suddenly as though cold water had been thrown over him — back rushed the aches that the Cruciatus Curse had left all over his body — back rushed the realization of where he was, and what he was facing. . . . “You won’t?” said Voldemort quietly, and the Death Eaters were not laughing now.

(GoF, Ch34)

That's pretty badass. Harry comes off like a confidant badass. And he gets more badass and confident as he matures (even if he isn't actually as confident as he appears).

Even in the DoM, Lucius Malfoy, who was in the graveyard, takes Harry seriously:

“Don’t do anything,” he [Harry] muttered. “Not yet —” The woman who had mimicked him let out a raucous scream of laughter. “You hear him? You hear him? Giving instructions to the other children as though he thinks of fighting us!” “Oh, you don’t know Potter as I do, Bellatrix,” said Malfoy softly. “He has a great weakness for heroics; the Dark Lord understands this about him. Now give me the prophecy, Potter.”

(OotP, Ch35)

Bellatrix makes fun of how Harry gives the other kids orders as if they're going to fight, but Lucius knows better, he knows Harry is going to fight, and I think, he's scared of what would happen when he does. Even Bellatrix quickly starts taking Harry more seriously:

“Oh, he knows how to play, little bitty baby Potter,” she said, her mad eyes staring through the slits in her hood. “Very well, then —”

(OotP, Ch35)

And she changes her tone completely after he casts a Crucio at her:

“Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy?” she yelled. She had abandoned her baby voice now.

(OotP, Ch36)

His aura is one of competence and confidence even when he's frightened and has no idea what he's doing. Especially when he's frightened and has no idea what he's doing.

And for the most part, he doesn't come off nearly as judgmental as he actually is, because he doesn't say a lot of what he thinks. We only see him start to actually speak his mind and be more sassy out loud around 5th and 6th year. And even then, his highly judgmental physical descriptions stay part of his narration, they aren't spoken:

“That’s the bell,” said Harry listlessly, because Ron and Hermione were bickering too loudly to hear it. They did not stop arguing all the way down to Snape’s dungeon, which gave Harry plenty of time to reflect that between Neville and Ron he would be lucky ever to have two minutes’ conversation with Cho that he could look back on without wanting to leave the country.

(OotP, Ch12)

Ron and Hermione banter while Harry feels done with them, but he doesn't really say anything or complain. He keeps a lot of his thoughts inside his head.

If we look at how Ron, Hermione, and Sirius see Harry, they're the closest to who Harry actually is as these three know Harry best. (They're also more objective than Harry who looks down on himself)

After the book 5 conversation I mentioned above, Ron and Hermione are more aware of Harry's insecurities, but they find them silly. They see Harry as incredibly capable and skilled:

“Did he?” said Harry. Behind him he felt rather than heard Hermione passing his message to the others and he sought to keep talking, to distract the Death Eaters.

(OotP, Ch35)

“What are we going to do with them?” Ron whispered to Harry through the dark; then, even more quietly, “Kill them? They’d kill us. They had a good go just now.” Hermione shuddered and took a step backward. Harry shook his head. “We just need to wipe their memories,” said Harry.

(DH, Ch9)

When danger comes, everyone's instantly following Harry's lead. Harry's the planner when the situation is dangerous, he calls the shots, not Hermione. Hermione and Ron look to Harry for a plan when things get tough, and Harry always figures something out. Now, we see Harry thinking he has no idea what to do:

He could not think what to do but to keep talking. Neville’s arm was pressed against his, and he could feel him shaking. He could feel one of the other’s quickened breath on the back of his head. He was hoping they were all thinking hard about ways to get out of this, because his mind was blank.

(OotP, Ch35)

But Ron and Hermione don't. No one does. They just see Harry coming up with a plan to save them. Every time. They don't see him wracking his brain for a way to keep everyone alive.

Hermione never considers Harry stupid, not even in first year:

“I’m not as good as you,” said Harry, very embarrassed, as she let go of him. “Me!” said Hermione. “Books! And cleverness! There are more important things — friendship and bravery and — oh Harry — be careful!”

(PS, Ch16)

And Ron clearly doesn't expect stupid behavior from Harry. He's surprised and shocked when Harry does something he considers stupid:

“What the hell,” panted Ron, holding up the Horcrux, which swung backward and forward on its shortened chain in some parody of hypnosis, “didn’t you take this thing off before you dived?”

(DH, 19)

Both Ron and Hermione trust Harry's opinion and they trust him to know what to do when shit hits the fan. When things are dangerous, both Ron and Hermione (and everyone else) turn to Harry to know what to do becouse that's the aura he has:

“I’d tell him we’re all with him in spirit,” said Lupin, then hesitated slightly. “And I’d tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right.” Harry looked at Hermione, whose eyes were full of tears. “Nearly always right,” she repeated.

(DH, Ch22)

Hermione agrees with Lupin's assessment here. Dumbledore did too, he's the one who told Kingsley and Remus to trust Harry's instincts. Harry doesn't give the impression he's messy and bumbling, quite the opposite. Yes, Harry and Hermione have their doubts, they don't agree with Harry on everything, especially when he has no evidence for his claim except his intuition. But, it's telling Harry can make claims based on gut feeling and Ron and Hermione ask him why he thinks that instead of just instantly rejecting the claims.

Like I mentioned above, he looks like he has his shit together even when he really doesn't. He's an expert in keeping a mask on and bottling up his feelings.

Sirius, also sees Harry as mature and capable for his age. It's why he's so insistent on telling him things while Molly wants to cuddle Harry:

“I don’t intend to tell him more than he needs to know, Molly,” said Sirius. “But as he was the one who saw Voldemort come back” (again, there was a collective shudder around the table at the name), “he has more right than most to —” “He’s not a member of the Order of the Phoenix!” said Mrs. Weasley. “He’s only fifteen and —” “— and he’s dealt with as much as most in the Order,” said Sirius, “and more than some —” “No one’s denying what he’s done!” said Mrs. Weasley, her voice rising, her fists trembling on the arms of her chair. “But he’s still—” “He’s not a child!” said Sirius impatiently.

(OotP, Ch5)

Between them, Sirius sees Harry more accurately. Harry is incredibly mature and capable and wants to be in the know. He'd be better off in the know. Sirius understands Harry's curiosity which Molly seems unaware of. Lupin also remarks on how Harry is going to find out things anyway, he's aware of how curious and determined Harry is. Sirius considers Harry capable even during PoA and GoF:

I know better than anyone that you can look after yourself and while you’re around Dumbledore and Moody I don’t think anyone will be able to hurt you.

(GoF, Ch18)

Molly, on the other hand, never really sees Harry's capabilities. Molly only ever sees a polite, intelligent kid. In the early years at the Weasley, Harry barely talks to Molly and Arthur because he doesn't really know how to talk to them. So they talk to him, the other Weasleys talk around him, and he's polite in turn:

“I don’t blame you, dear,” she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate. “Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we’d come and get you ourselves if you hadn’t written back to Ron by Friday. But really” (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate), “flying an illegal car halfway across the country — anyone could have seen you —”

(CoS, Ch3)

Harry acts around most adults like this, especially when younger. It's clear he acted this way around his teachers too:

“You see what you expect to see, Severus,” said Dumbledore, without raising his eyes from a copy of Transfiguration Today. “Other teachers report that the boy is modest, likable, and reasonably talented. Personally, I find him an engaging child.”

(DH, Ch33)

Snape got it a bit different. Because Harry is defiant and sassy — it's how he responds to the Dursleys, and this is how he responds to threats he can't do anything about in general. Sass. It's why we see Harry do this with Umbridge, Snape, and Scrimgeour:

Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?” inquired Professor Umbridge in a horribly honeyed voice. “Hmm, let’s think . . .” said Harry in a mock thoughtful voice, “maybe Lord Voldemort?”

(OotP, Ch12)

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry stiffly. “Yes, sir.” “There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.”

(HBP, Ch9)

“...You may wear that scar like a crown, Potter, but it is not up to a seventeen-year-old boy to tell me how to do my job! It’s time you learned some respect!” “It’s time you earned it.” said Harry.

(DH, Ch7)

Harry appears confidant and arrogant not only to Snape but to Scrimgeour too (I think other students at Hogwarts see Harry as arrogant too. His demeanor can come off as arrogant if you don't know what he's thinking. It's why they could believe the Daily Prophet, it fit what they got to see). It's because he is rude and sassy when speaking his mind. It's because he acts more confident when he's terrified. It's because he's cold, distant, and uncaring towards most people and actively avoids talking to most.

And even that's mostly when he's older. In 4th year, he responds to Snape by glaring at him silently and wishing he could cast a Crucio at him:

Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . .

(GoF, Ch18)

Harry is overall really quiet, which does create the impression of him being put together. More than he thinks of himself, for sure. It also adds to why many students feel as comfortable talking about him as they do because he feels distant to them. His quiet makes him feel mysterious, unknown, and far away. Like a symbol rather than a person.

Something I want to note, specifically with Umbridge, is this scene:

Harry looked around at Umbridge. She was watching him, her wide, toadlike mouth stretched in a smile. “Yes?” “Nothing,” said Harry quietly. He looked back at the parchment, placed the quill upon it once more, wrote I must not tell lies, and felt the searing pain on the back of his hand for a second time; once again the words had been cut into his skin, once again they healed over seconds later.

(OotP, Ch13)

Part of why Harry comes off as such a put-together badass is that he doesn't let others see his pain. He doesn't show he's in pain to others, especially when it's people he doesn't like. He acts though, constantly.

He hates crying in front of others becouse Harry does everything he can to not appear weak:

Harry suddenly realized that there were tears on his face mingling with the sweat. He bent his face as low as possible, wiping them off on his robes, pretending to do up his shoelace, so that Lupin wouldn’t see.

(PoA, Ch12)

And it works, people see him as confident, and capable, and heroic. Most people don't see the struggle because Harry keeps bottling it in.

Even with Hermione, he tries not to let her see how upset he actually is. We know in his head, that he is devastated by his wand breaking, that he's mourning it like it was a dead loved one, but this is what he's willing to show Hermione:

“It was an accident,” said Harry mechanically. He felt empty, stunned. “We’ll—we’ll find a way to repair it.” [...] “Well,” he said, in a falsely matter-of-fact voice, “well, I’ll just borrow yours for now, then. While I keep watch.”

(DH, Ch17)

All this means, we, as the readers , see Harry's pain, his struggles, his vulnerability — but the other characters almost never do.

The only character who is consistently aware of Harry's struggles is Sirius who Harry confides his weaknesses to more than any other character:

“Never mind me, how are you?” said Sirius seriously. “I’m —” For a second, Harry tried to say “fine” — but he couldn’t do it. Before he could stop himself, he was talking more than he’d talked in days

(GoF, Ch19)

Harry is so used to saying his fine and bearing his burdens in silence. It's what he does. It's what he did for years. Most characters think Harry is unshakable because that's how he acts.

Even when Harry tries to lie so Sirius won't worry, Sirius sees through it:

Nice try, Harry. I’m back in the country and well hidden. I want you to keep me posted on everything that’s going on at Hogwarts.

(GoF, Ch15)

As for his room and appearance, he is a little messy actually when he has the chance to be in seventh year:

Harry had spent the morning completely emptying his school trunk for the first time since he had packed it six years ago. At the start of the intervening school years, he had merely skimmed off the topmost three quarters of the contents and replaced or updated them, leaving a layer of general debris at the bottom—old quills, desiccated beetle eyes, single socks that no longer fit.

(DH, Ch2)

As in, his trunk is a bit of a mess. But this makes sense, I think. He allows himself to be messy when he doesn't have the Dursleys over his head. It's like a sort of freedom he didn't have before, so he indulges in it. I think the mess in his trunk is also a result of him actually living from it for 6 years, as he couldn't really leave everything at home with the Dursleys, could he? Still, his room and belongings are nowhere near as messy as Ron's.

As for his appearance, the only thing mentioned to be messy is his hair:

His jet-black hair, however, was just as it always had been — stubbornly untidy, whatever he did to it

(PoA, Ch1)

But from other characters (including Hermione) thinking Harry's hot:

“Oh, come on, Harry,” said Hermione, suddenly impatient. “It’s not Quidditch that’s popular, it’s you! You’ve never been more interesting, and frankly, you’ve never been more fanciable.”

(HBP, Ch11)

We can conclude Harry's messy hair comes off as cool and attractive and not like a bird's nest.

We also see from Hermione and others that Harry looks scary. He is 5'11 by book 6 with an intimidating glare and that he looks like he can throw a punch, (and can definitely throw a punch when he wants to). So he has a physical intimidation factor when older:

“Well, it’s like Hagrid said, they can look after themselves,” said Hermione impatiently, “and I suppose a teacher like Grubbly-Plank wouldn’t usually show them to us before N.E.W.T. level, but, well, they are very interesting, aren’t they? The way some people can see them and some can’t! I wish I could.” “Do you?” Harry asked her quietly. She looked horrorstruck. “Oh Harry — I’m sorry — no, of course I don’t — that was a really stupid thing to say —”

(OotP, Ch21)

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach — “Harry! HARRY! GEORGE! NO!” He could hear girls’ voices screaming, Malfoy yelling, George swearing, a whistle blowing, and the bellowing of the crowd around him, but he did not care, not until somebody in the vicinity yelled “IMPEDIMENTA!” and only when he was knocked over backward by the force of the spell did he abandon the attempt to punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach. . . .

(OotP, Ch19)

To summarise

Harry bottles up a lot of his emotions and tends to be quiet, this creates the often wrong impression he is confident and has his shit together.

He doesn't show pain and weakness to others and doesn't cry or show he's upset to basically anyone (except Sirius). This means basically no one sees his struggles or how depressed and traumatized Harry actually is. It even surprises Ron and Hermione in book 5.

He is defiant and rude to people he doesn't like, especially when scared, the result is that he appears like a very capable and confident badass especially when under pressure.

He can be intimidating with his glare alone and once he's older he is a physical presence. He's not someone who can disappear in a crowd post-book 5.

His rudeness oftentimes stays in his head except when someone really annoys him. This makes him appear defiant, but overall polite because he keeps most of his mean comments to himself.

When younger, he is very polite and quiet, especially toward adults. When he's older, he gets a little sassier (as in, he says some of his internal monologue out loud). But he is a polite, well-mannered kid for the most part.

The character who has a messy room, is a bit of a slob, has chicken scratch handwriting, and is lazy with schoolwork, is Ronald Weasley, who I love dearly, but these descriptions have nothing to do with Harry and everything to do with Ron.

The only unkempt thing about Harry's appearance is likely his Potter hair, which is more messy hot than messy bad (if all the girls' reactions are anything to go by).

[jmliebert]

Scent of Seduction᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Summary: Halsin finds himself captivated by Tav, the feeling is mutual, of course. Their journey is full of danger and desire. Despite Halsin's internal struggle between primal instincts and duty, their mutual attraction intensifies. When Tav is in heat, their passion ignites... and well... let's just say things get steamy.

smut with (a little bit of) fluff?

Word count: 2,900

Tags: alpha/omega dynamics, heat, knotting, breeding, shameless smut

Warnings: explicit content (18+)

Author's note: today my demons won. sorry guys, but I was thinking about it for the longesttttt time 

also! you can read this on ao3 if you prefer it that way ♡

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

The first time Halsin saw you, he was in his bear form. Held captive in the dark cellar, surrounded by goblins; such lowly creatures. He was helpless and angry, but then he caught a scent of something, or rather someone's scent. Someone who surely didn’t belong there, and that person was you. His ears perked up, intrigued. His muzzle watered a little, your scent being so delicious. But he didn’t want to eat you, of course. His hunger was of a different kind, you see.

At the camp, Halsin could sense you. He felt it in his flesh when you weren’t near. His mind and body grew restless, but it wasn’t only that. When he saw you talking to Wyll or Gale, laughing with them and sharing stories, he felt those sudden pangs of something he hadn’t felt for the longest time; jealousy. He was far too old for that, or so he thought. His heart wasn’t one to stir easily, but with you...it was different. He clenched his jaw unconsciously at the thought of you being with other males. He couldn’t stand this, but he shook his head, ignoring the feeling for now, as he had different matters to attend to.

Yet, his eyes followed you with longing each time you were close.

During the Tiefling Party, it took all the strength he had to reject your rather obvious seductions. You were absolutely sweet, your cheeks flushed from wine, your eyes sparkly and playful. It was a delight to see you so happy and carefree, the hero of the night, the center of attention. You were shining, and despite having so many people to choose from, your eyes found his. Halsin's chest swelled with pride at the thought, but he had to remain composed. That's why he didn’t drink that night; a calculated move on his part, as he feared he might say something he shouldn't have. Halsin already knew he had a certain weakness towards you, and alcohol would only fuel that. In no time, he would confess his feelings for you, saying you were made for each other, that his body and soul yearned for you. He would say he wanted to protect you and love you for eternity, and when he told you that you laughed, thinking he was exaggerating, but he wasn't. It was the truth and his words towards you would be sincere. Then, if he really got carried away and his alpha brain would win over him, he would not let you go until he marked you and pushed his semen deep into your womb. Continuously.

And he knew you for only a few hours at least, and you had a world to save, and he had his duties, and you deserved more than that—you deserved to be courted, to be worshipped. Yet, when he told you to enjoy the night with someone else, deep inside he hoped you wouldn’t.

The thought of you with someone else boiled his veins with anger, but what choice did he have? As he thought about it now, he realised he would act differently that night. He would take your hands in his, kiss them gently and ask you to wait for him, but then, it was different. Maybe he was scared? Maybe he wanted to play it cool, not used to having such abrupt feelings towards someone?

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Halsin wakes up in the middle of the night, sensing your absence. With a sense of urgency, he stands up and follows your scent. You're not in your usual spot. He finds you at the lake, bathed in moonlight, your naked form illuminated against the dark water. Your slender back, cascading hair, and the gentle curve of your hips beneath the water's surface captivate him. You look divine, a sight to behold. However, Halsin quickly averts his gaze, feeling it's inappropriate to observe you in such a vulnerable state. Returning to his tent, he finds his body betraying him, his arousal evident in the half-hardness of his dick.

Oh, how he longs to draw nearer to you, grasp your waist from behind and draw you closer to his body, making you feel his growing arousal pressing against you. Showing you how much he wants you, how much he needs you. He would groan to your ear, bite your neck and take you here and there, as nature intended. But you are not his to claim, he reminds himself sternly, over and over again, resisting the urge to succumb to his primal instincts.

But that was about to change when you left the Shadow-Cursed Lands. He was finally free from responsibilities, finally free to follow his heart's desires, and you quickly noticed this sudden transformation of his. As you traveled together, Halsin seemed drawn to your side, even unconsciously. He sought to protect you from any danger, always ready to lend a hand when needed. You noticed him finding excuses to be near you, to touch you, to engage in conversation. His gaze lingered on you, his presence felt even when he walked behind you. During campfires, he sat close, his body language open and inviting, his thigh brushing yours. Though he laughed and talked with others, his eyes always found their way back to you, his attention unwavering when you spoke. It made you feel shy, this whole-hearted attention Halsin gave you, but undeniably it made you feel appreciated.

Yet, you couldn't shake the memories of your early encounters. After he helped you battling those goblins, covered in blood and exuding raw power, you felt a shiver run down your spine. He appeared strong and imposing, igniting something within you. But when you approached him with openness and willingness at the Tiefling Party, he rejected you, leaving you feeling foolish. You had hoped for mutual feelings or at least some acknowledgment, but for most of your journey, he offered only polite smiles and lukewarm courtesy. Why the sudden change now?

Don’t get me wrong, you basked in the glory of his attention, relishing in those small smiles meant only for you. But amidst the warmth of his gestures, doubts crept into your mind. Weren't you worthy of his notice before? Yet, you quickly brushed aside those thoughts, focusing instead on the present. Halsin cared for you deeply now, ensuring you were fed, rested, and shielded from the sun's harsh rays. He showered you with little gifts; wildflowers plucked from the roadside, stones with intriguing shapes and colours, and delicately carved wooden ducks. There was no mistaking his intentions; Halsin was courting you, with patience and respect. Your heart raced at the thought, eagerly anticipating his next move. You pondered what the future held, though you never could have imagined what was to come.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

You found yourself in heat as soon as you arrived at Baldur's Gate. It was as if your body had finally released the tension accumulated during your harrowing journey through the Shadow-Cursed Lands. After witnessing so much death, roughly cut body parts and darkness, your body sought solace within the safety of the Elfsong Tavern, nestled behind the town walls.

Despite the late hour, neither you nor Halsin slept. Instead, you reveled in each other's company, cuddling on the sofa with the soft glow of the fire casting gentle shadows around you. Halsin held you close, his strong arms enveloping your body, and then he cupped your head, drawing you nearer for what would be your first kiss. As his lips met yours, a haze descended over your mind, and you found yourself yearning for more. You were waiting for so long.

You eagerly shifted positions, settling onto his lap, deepening the kiss with a hunger you couldn't contain. Halsin chuckled softly, his fingers pressing against the sides of your body possessively. You gasped at the sensation, feeling a sudden warmth between your legs as your pants grew damp. Panic surged through you—no, it couldn't be.

"I'm sorry, Halsin, I can't right now," you managed to say as you swiftly freed yourself from Halsin's embrace and fled to your bedroom. You needed space, distance from him until you could gather your thoughts.

His kiss and the sudden rush of emotions triggered your heat, overwhelming you with fear and confusion. You buried your face in your pillow, tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to make sense of what was happening.

Morning brought a gentle knock at your door, and you knew it was Halsin. He had been there all night, waiting patiently for you. "My love, let me in," his voice was soft, tinged with concern. When silence greeted his words, he spoke again, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his tone. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, never," you replied, your heart aching at the thought that he might blame himself. "I just don't feel well," you confessed through tears, your voice muffled by the pillow.

"Whenever it is, I'm confident I can help you, my darling," his words were sincere and full of worry. You were clearly in distress, and he felt he should be at your side, not here, behind these closed doors. "Just let me in," Halsin pleaded, his forehead touching the wooden surface in resignation.

You wished he was here too. When you saw his shadow at the door, your heart ached with longing. You were scared he would think poorly of you, scared of losing control to the heat. You hadn't known each other for long, and perhaps it was too soon for him to see this side of you. But at the same time, you were devastated at the thought of being without him. Unsure of what to do, you began to cry, and when Halsin heard your sobs, he couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm going in!" he declared, his voice resolute as he forced the doors open. As soon as he entered the room, he clasped a hand over his mouth. There you lay on the bed, naked, the room dimly lit by the morning sun filtering through closed curtains. The scent of you filled the air, potent and overwhelming. Halsin thought perhaps you had second thoughts when you kissed for the first time, maybe things had moved too quickly, but he certainly wasn't expecting this. 

His dick twitched. You were in heat, he realised. "Oh, Tav..." You looked so lost and uncomfortable, your body covered in sweat, your eyes watery. All he wanted to do now was to take you in his arms and never let go.

"Halsin, I feel so hot I can't breathe. Touch me, please," you said, your voice laced with need. Halsin was there in the split of a second, responding to your plea without hesitation.

He took you in his arms, placing you on his lap, and you moaned, the sound emanating from deep inside you. As your bodies touched, you couldn't understand why you had pushed him away before, when you kissed for the first time. He felt like he was made for you, and you for him. Thoughts swirled in your mind as he held you close, his hands roaming all over you, his head buried in your neck, sniffing and then licking with long strokes, revealing in your delicious scent.

You began to grind on his thighs, your pent-up arousal needing release. Desperation fuelled your movements. Halsin placed his rough, large hands on your hips, guiding and assisting your grinding motion. In seconds, you reached climax, moaning and gasping. But it wasn't enough. The heat subsided for just a brief moment. Afterwards, you were ready for more. You wanted Halsin deep inside your wet and willing pussy.

You took his hand in yours and guided him to your heated entrance. "I need you here, Halsin," you whispered urgently.

"And you will have me, my love," he assured, his voice thick with desire.

You didn’t need to tell him twice. Halsin quickly took off his clothes. And that’s how you saw his dick for the first time. It was huge, but somehow you suspected it will be. He seemed pleasantly heavy. He was already oozing pre-cum and fully erect. Ready for you.

You lay on your back as he returned to the bed, your legs parted, inviting him in. Slick all over your inner thighs and your entrance, guiding the way. He didn’t even need to finger you. You were perfectly ready. Ready as he was. 

Halsin kissed you passionately, causing your body to tremble with the intensity of the sensation. Every ounce of his desire and affection towards you was conveyed in that tender gesture.

"Halsin, please…" you moaned, your hips moving eagerly, your body yearning for more. His arousal at your entrance heightened your senses, driving you to the brink of madness. With a single swift motion, he guided himself inside you, and as he entered, you felt a rush of ecstasy that illuminated your senses like stars in the night sky. A scream of pleasure escaped your lips, echoing in the room, while he grunted softly in your ear, his eyes squeezed shut as he fought to maintain control. It was a challenge to remain composed when you felt so incredibly tight and warm around him. The urge to climax threatened to consume him, but he resisted, knowing that this moment was all about you. In this vulnerable state, you entrusted yourself to him, and he vowed to cherish you, to prioritise your pleasure above all else. You were his priority, and he would savour every moment with you. 

As Halsin began to move, his motions were deliberate and measured, each thrust a testament to his desire to please you. One hand caressed your full breast, while the other gripped your thigh, spreading you wider to accommodate him. The sight of you, so beautiful and lewd, whimpering each time he showed his dick deep inside you, elicited a primal desire within him. Every whimper that escaped your lips drove him further, his arousal building with each thrust. He couldn’t help but look at your exquisite, smooth pussy swallowing him over and over again.

"You are so good to me," Halsin murmured, his voice soft and filled with admiration, as he brushed a sticky strand of hair from your forehead before pressing a tender kiss to your skin.

As Halsin placed his thumb on your clitoris, his touch sent shivers of pleasure coursing through your body. With deft circular movements, he quickened his pace, driving you closer to the edge of ecstasy. In response, you instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you, craving the feeling of his muscles against yours, yearning for the weight of his body upon you.

His hard, deliberate strokes combined with the stimulation of your clitoris pushed you over the edge once more, eliciting another powerful climax. "Yes, yes, yes," you repeated, the words tumbling from your lips as your back arched and your inner muscles clenched in pleasure.

"Good girl," Halsin praised, his voice filled with satisfaction and pride. So responsive to his touch.

At this point, Halsin felt himself teetering on the edge of control. Sensing his impending release, he quickened his pace even further, his movements growing more urgent as his knot began to form. With each thrust, his desire to breed you, to fill you with his seed, consumed his thoughts entirely. He wanted nothing more than to hear you scream in pleasure beneath him.

As his movements became more erratic, more sloppy, he whispered urgently against your neck, "I need you to come for me one more time," his voice strained with desire. The sound of his groans mingled with yours, creating a symphony of pleasure as his flesh moved against yours in a passionate rhythm. In that moment, you felt an overwhelming sense of utter pleasure being in his arms, being taken by him, feeling his knot pressing against your entrance.

As his knot fully formed, Halsin pushed it into you, eliciting a gasp of pleasure from both of you. With three final, powerful thrusts, he released himself inside you, his loud moans reverberating through the room. In response, you screamed in ecstasy, your body convulsing with pleasure as you reached your third climax.

You took his knot so well, and he felt an intense rush of satisfaction as he emptied himself deep inside you. His dick, engorged and throbbing, remained buried in your tight, eager pussy, his knot ensuring that his seed would stay where it belonged. In that moment of shared bliss, you both relished the sensation of being joined so intimately, lost in the throes of passion and desire.

With Halsin lying on top of you, his weight pressing down on your smaller frame, you felt a sense of pure bliss wash over you. His presence enveloped you, providing a comforting sense of security. As he remained inside you, filling you completely, you relished the sensation of being pleasantly stretched by his size.

You never wanted him to leave your pussy, not even for a moment. The thought of his knot disappearing, signalling the end of this intimate connection, made you want to cry. But for now, he was still with you, his body pulsing with each release of his seed. You felt his warmth spreading inside you, filling your belly, and you surrendered to the overwhelming sensation of being completely claimed by him.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

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[linkspooky]

ONCE MORE, I THINK I'LL LIVE FOR OTHERS

So of all the characters in Jujutsu Kaisen Megumi has turned out to be one of the most controversial and hotly debated characters. There's nothing the internet hates more than a boy with trauma, I guess. Jujutsu Kaisen is a controversial work in general so it's not surprising that the ending wasn't super well received by the fans, especially in the way it decided to conclude Megumi's character arc.

There are many people accusing Gege of giving Megumi no character development. Of Megumi just choosing to replace Tsumiki with Yuji. Lots of complaints about Megumi never finishing his domain expansion among other things. Of Megumi being nothing more than a damsel for Yuji to rescue in the end. I'm here to say I think Megumi does have a complete character arc even if it didn't end the way I would have liked, and under the cut I'll be giving my thoughts for Megumi's ending and JJK's ending in general.

I CAN ONLY SAVE THOSE WHO ARE PREPARED TO BE SAVED

If you were to ask me what the most important arc in Jujutsu Kaisen is, it would be Hidden Inventory. Hidden Inventroy covers the inciting incident which leads to all the conflicts in the main story, Riko's death, Geto's defection, Tengen's merger failing, and Gojo's decision to adopt Megumi.

However, it also shows us what motivates Gojo in the main series, mainly his desire to raise this generation of students into strong and intelligent allies because of his inability to save his closest friend when it most counted.

If the quote that summarizes the central theme of Jujutsu Kaisen Zero is "Love is the most twisted curse of them all."

Then I put forward that the quote that summarizes the theme of the main series is what Gojo said to Yaga post Geto's defection, "Being strong isn't enough, I can only save those who are prepared to be saved."

Just like Hidden Inventory is centered around Geto and Gojo's relationship in their youth, the main manga itself centers around Megumi and Itadori's relationship. The manga itself starts with their first meeting. Yuji devours the finger in order to try to help Megumi. Megumi requests Gojo help save Yuji from execution because he didn't want to see another good person die.

Megumi and Itadori are also a deliberate parallel to Geto and Gojo's friendship in the past. To begin with Gojo tried to nurture these relatoinships in his students so they COULD get along and enjoy their youths the way he remembers doing so with Geto in his three springtime of youth.

He not only encourages Megumi to selfishly try to save Yuji even though it is against the rules of sorcery and poses a risk to other people, he also encourages them to socialize at every opportunity.

The strong and intense friendship that Megumi and Yuji enjoy is not only a clear parallel to Geto and Gojo's special connection with one another, but also the fact that a strong reocurring motif in Megumi and Yuji's friendship is their strong desire to save each other. Which is a clear parallel to Gojo's inability to save Geto in the past.

As I said for a long time Yuji and Megumi were being set up as this generation's version of the "strongest duo" except they were going to be able to break the cycle. Whether it be by Megumi saving Yuji, or Yuji saving Megumi, they wouldn't be driven apart by the corruption in the Jujutsu World the way that Geto and Gojo were.

As I said the central question of Jujutsu Kaisen especially in regards to Megumi and Yuji's friendship is if it's possible to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Which is why Megumi and Yuji both wanting to save each other is something that happens again and again at different parts of the manga. Whether it be the ending of Origin of Obedience where Megumi and Yuji are both unable to talk to each other because they want to try to protect the other from information that might harm them. Megumi hiding the fact that he knows resonance between the Sukuna fingers awakened the curses. Yuji hiding the fact that Megumi's decision to save Yuji has caused strong curses to awaken and kill other people.

Just as often as these two try to save each other, they fail. Megumi watches Yuji die early on when Yuji takes back control from Sukuna and decides to die without a heart.

Megumi spends the entirety of the culling games clinging to Yuji's side no matter how Yuji tries to push him away because he knows Sukuna has plans for him. However, Megumi is afraid to leave Yuji alone because he knows Yuji is in a dark place after the Shibuya massacre and that if he's left alone Yuji might just find some way to off himself in a heroic sacrifice to try to atone for the people lost at Shibuya.

Only for Megumi's insistence on clinging to Yuji to backfire because Sukuna ends up taking his body from him in a critical moment. When Sukuna takes his body their circumstances swap and Megumi is the one who's body is being used to kill people by Sukuna. When Megumi has to live with the guilt of Sukuna using his body to kill both his sister and his teacher, he's not able to live with it anymore.

Then their positions swap completely and it's Megumi who wants to die to atone for the guilt, and it's Yuji who doesn't want to let go of Megumi and will do anything to save Megumi from both Sukuna and the other sorcerers even if the right thing to do is just kill both him and Sukuna and letting him live means putting the whole rest of the world at risk.

As you can see not only is saving each other a common theme of Megumi and Yuji's relationship, but at different points of the story both of them are trying to save the other even when the other doesn't value their own life.

Gojo's relationship with Geto is defined by his inability to reach his friend in time, and how he was "left behind" in the end.

Gojo explicitly waited a year after learning about Megumi being sold to the Zen'in clan to do anything, and only decided to intervene after Geto's defection. Gojo's decision to mentor Megumi was inspired by Geto leaving. He even said "Don't get left behind."

His hope in taking in students like Megumi, Yuta and Yuji was twofold first that he'd be able to handpick and raise several strong students who would eventually replace the elders and reform the Jujutsu World. The second and more personal motivation is that he wanted these students to be able to support each other and be strong allies to one another so they wouldn't end up alone like Gojo did in his youth.

Gojo's intentions were good however, Gojo has a very flawed understanding of how people and relationships work. In Gojo's books "strong=good" and almost everything can be solved by strength. Notice just one chapter ago Gojo said that being strong wasn't enough, he can only save those who are prepared to be saved and yet one chapter later he tells Megumi that he needs to get strong otherwise he'll be left behind.

So, even when Gojo knows that being strong isn't enough and didn't make a difference with Geto, that's still the only real advice he can offer Megumi.

A big theme of Jujutsu Kaisen is the failures of the past generation affecting the present. A lot of people in trying to put Gojo on a pedestal fail to realize one of the central themes of this manga is GOJO WAS WRONG. The way Gojo went about doing several things wasn't the right way. Gojo wants the next generation to succeed him and do better than him, because Gojo himself knows that he was wrong and he's a part of the past generation.

I think a big part of the reason the conclusion to Megumi's character arc is poorly received is that Megumi didn't end his arc the way that Gojo set out for him.

Scenes like this led the audience to believe that Megumi's character arc was going to be completed by him learning to be more selfish and living up to the potential that Gojo saw in him. That we were going to get a completed domain expansion. That Megumi was going to become stronger than Gojo because the ten shadows was the only technique to ever beat a wielder of the limitless and the six eyes.

I understand wanting to see Megumi living for himself, and how cool it might be to see Megumi's complete domain expansion after Gege teased us with this twice but I have to ask this.

If Gojo was the strongest sorcerer in the world, and that still wasn't good enough to save Geto. Then how would Megumi reaching his full potential as a sorcerer in any way help Megumi avoid making the same mistakes that Gojo did?

HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH OF GOJO SATORU

I think a lot of dissatisfaction in Megumi's character development comes from he didn't really follow the path that Gojo set out for him. He didn't unlock his full domain expansion, he didn't learn to live more selfishly. They say that Megumi simply choosing to live for Yuji isn't him learning to stand on his own two feet because he's just hinging his self worth on someone else the same way he did with Tsumiki.

However, I have to ask.

How exactly would Megumi becoming more like Gojo or more like Sukuna be any better?

A big recurring theme in Megumi's arc is his lack of agency, and how many different adult figures have tried to mould him to their own selfish ends.

In the same chapter where Megumi has the flashback where Gojo encourages him to become more selfish, Sukuna has his hands wrapped around Megumi's neck in the colored page. Sukuna was never actually trying to mentor Megumi.

He only had an interest in Megumi because his ten shadows techniques was a way to bypass Gojo's infinity. Henever actually cared about Megumi reaching his full potential. He was grooming Megumi in the long term so he could snatch his body and turn him into a weapon against Gojo Satoru. The same way that Gojo only decided to take Megumi in and mentor him in the first place because his technique meant he had great potential as a sorcerer and a future ally in Gojo's crusade against the elders.

Megumi's life is defined by every adult in his life trying to mould him or use him selfishly for his own gains. His father sold him to the Zen'in clan for gambling money and abandoned him. Gojo only was interested in a strong ally against the elders. Sukuna is just one in a long line of people who are trying to shape Megumi into something he's not for their own selfish desires.

Ngl, the fushiguro girlies are kinda onto something with their characterization of Sukuna’s possession as the physical embodiment of his lifelong struggle for self determination and autonomy and how others have always pupeteered his fate for their own devices and he’s thusly never put himself first ─ his selfishness functioning ultimately as platitudes which still center others and his consideration for them. [SOURCE]

So if all of Megumi's various abusers have tried to make Megumi into something he's not and robbed him of his agency in the process, then is the best ending for Megumi really to become more selfish like Gojo or Sukuna?

If Megumi ended his character arc by using a complete domain expansion, and reaching Gojo's level of power wouldn't that be validating the way Gojo stole Megumi's entire childhood from him in order to make him a strong sorcerer. Wouldn't it look like the narrative was going, yeah, it was wrong for Gojo to groom Megumi like that, but look how strong it made him!

We already have a version of Megumi who learned to live only for himself, someone who broke the chains of fate and became entirely free.

Toji shows us a version of Megumi who lived up to his full potential as a sorcerer, became someone strong enough to threaten Satoru Gojo, and who put himself above everyone else and... Toji's fucking miserable.

Toji is the bad ending of Megumi. He's strong but that's all he is. The narration refers to him as a puppet of carnage, only living to fight the strongest around. In fact, Toji dies BECAUSE he wanted to feel validated as the strongest. The decision to say and fight against Gojo when Gojo unlocks reverse cursed technique leads to his death. Being the strongest and his desire to be validated as someone strong is nothing more than a curse for Toji and what allows him to escape the cycle is not strength, but rather seeing that his son has succesfully escaped the abuse of the Zen'in clan.

So having Megumi live up to his full potential as a sorcerer, or living selfishly the way that Gojo or Sukuna wanted him to wouldn't really be breaking the cycle, because it'd be Megumi acting the way his abusers wanted him to act. If anything it' be Gojo's long term grooming of Megumi finally succeeding.

I understand that Megumi fighting back on Sukuna from within with one use of ten shadows to create a puddle underneath Sukuna's feet isn't the most dramatic way to signal his journey of self-realization, but sometimes the flashy, dramatic, and satisfying thing isn't always the right thing.

if the central relationship of the series is Megumi and Yuji, and the central question of that relationship was "is it possible to save someone who doesn't want to be saved-" then resolving both Megumi and Yuji's character arcs requires answering that question. That's the most important part. How are we going to break the cycle and have Megumi and Yuji save each other in a way that Geto and Gojo weren't be able to.

Yes, I understand wanting Megumi to be his own person and stand on his own two feet, but before he's a person Megumi is a fictional character. Megumi and Yuji are characters intentionally designed to be each other's other half. The same way that Geto is designed to be the other half of Gojo. They both represent a yin / yang pair. They both represent the shadow and the light, the sun and the moon.

People also talk about wanting Gojo to learn to be his own person outside of Geto, but that's also missing the point. Gojo isn't a person to begin with he's a character designed to be the other half of Geto. All of those parallels that exist between them, both of them getting their bodies stolen from them, both of them becoming monsters (geto slaughtering the village, Gojo slaughtering the elders), both of them dying on the same day. Those are intentional, because they're fictional characters meant to represent the concept of yin and yang and balance. Gojo cannot exist without Geto, Geto's body causes Gojo to get boxed, Gojo dies within a year of killing Geto, because they're meant to represent the taoist concept of BALANCE in a manga that's about BALANCE. Gojo cannot achieve balance with the character that symbolizes his yin. Whereas, Megumi's way of achieving balance is to find a way to make things work with his other half Yuji in a way that Geto and Gojo failed to.

As someone who used to be the biggest Megumi Corruption Arc truther, I've come around in my thinking and I can at least understand why Gege didn't go that direction. Megumi learning to be selfish like Gojo would be changing too much of Megumi's inner nature, because as much as Megumi pretends to be selfish as an excuse he still is someone who wants to help people.

There's nothing wrong with Megumi wanting to help people, or wanting to be a team player. It was Megumi deciding to hinge his entire self worth on just his ability to help one person. It's why he couldn't go on when Tsumiki died, not just because he was grieving his sister, but because he decided to make protecting his sister his entire reason to live and genuinely saw no other reason to keep on living.

A lot of people say that Megumi is just deciding to make Yuji into an emotional crutch the same way he once did with Tsumiki, however, I don't think these lines of dialogue really indicate that.

"The world is full of people besides myself. Once more I think I'll live for others."

To begin with, Megumi says that the world is filled with lots of people. Megumi didn't want to go on because he didn't think he'd ever love someone as much as he loved his sister. That there was nothing in the world worth living for if his sister was gone.

However, now Megumi is acknowledging that there are more people in the world than just Tsumiki. That he might come to love them the same way that he loved her. That he shouldn't give up on life just because he lost one person, no matter how important that person was.

Megumi's words run contrary to the idea that he's just going to use Yuji as his next living emotional crutch, because he says the world is full of people. There's more people than just him, there's more people than just Yuji, as long as Megumi makes the choice to continue living then he can go out into the world and meet them.

Jujutsu Kaisen is a very individualist manga, and I understand we also exist in an individualist society so we want to see Megumi stand on his own two feet and live for himself, but I don't think Megumi deciding he'll live for others is a bad thing. This is just a few chapters after Yuji said that what makes life meaningful is the memories you leave behind with other people. Which is the exact same sentiment.

Yuji is able to break free from the cog mindset when he realizes that all the people he connected to in his life gave his life meaning, even if they died tragically, even if he only knew them for a short time. Choso's final words are "Thank you for being my little brother" and that connection was incredibly important even though they only knew each other for about a month. Yuji's life became meaningful because he went out into the world and made all these important connections.

Now Megumi is doing the same thing. He's resolved that even though his sister is dead the world is full of people he can connect with. That he can come to love other people the same way that he did. That his life is still worth living because he can find new people to love. Is Megumi deciding he can try to live for the other people in his life and his connection to those people even after the loss of his sister made him feel like his life is worthless and he'll never love anybody that way again, really that different from Yuji deciding that the people he made connections too gave his life value?

Jujutsu Kaisen lifts from other manga, this is pretty common knowledge. Killua and Shinji Ikari are probably the two biggest inspirations for Megumi and both are two very passive characters who are entirely reactive. They don't decide, they don't act, they react to the decisions of people around him.

Killua's ultimate moment of character development isn't beating his abusive big brother, or his abusive parents in a physical fight after getting a power up. Killua's greatest moment of character development is accepting Nanika as a part of Alluka. Something he was too afraid to do because it would mean that his family would continue to try to exploit Alluka for her wish granting abilities.

Killua finishes his arc with the resolution to protect both Alluka and Nanika from the rest of his family. Considering that Killua has been centering his entire self worth around his usefulness to Gon by this point you could call it Killua is just replacing Alluka with Gon as a crutch if you were cynical. Or you could just say that Killua, like Megumi is someone who lives for their loved ones and finds value in the bonds he makes with other people.

Shinji Ikari spends the entire 26 episode run of Neon Genesis Evangelion not making a single decision, and his final moment of character development isn't really that much character development. He simply makes the decision to reject instrumentality and try again. To go back to the real world and try to be a person in the world again, because as long as you're alive there's still a chance to be happy.

Megumi like Killua, never really changes. It's in Megumi and Killua's nature to be a protector / a nurturer. They want to take care of the loved ones in their lives. Megumi and Shinji both have an arc where it takes the entire anime / manga to take the very first step. Their arc is there to depict how hard it can be to take that first step on the journey to change when you're as traumatized as someone like Shinji or Megumi.

Megumi's arc especially is about him making his very first decision in the whole manga. As I said the central question of Megumi and Yuji's relationship is can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved and Yuji eventually finds you that you can't.

Yuji's greatest moment of character development and empathy for Fushiguro is realizing he can't force savlation on Fushiguro if Megumi doesn't want it. He can't force Megumi to live. He can't just tell Megumi to be stronger.

In doing so Yuji does something that no one has ever done to Megumi in his life, and offered him a choice. Gojo expected Megumi to be as strong as him and saw him as a mini-gojo never once taking his opinion into the matter. As I said above Gojo sees being strong as the soliution to all of life's problems. His adivce to Megumi was don't be weak, otherwise you'll be left behind.

Yuji allows Megumi to be weak. He says that Megumi doesn't have to be strong and suck it all up. The metaphor of Yuji and his grandfather works well to show how Yuji truly understood Megumi in a way Gojo never did. Gojo expected Megumi to be as strong as him. Gojo encouraged Megumi to grow up into another Gojo. Gojo failed to understand Megumi in many ways because he wasn't Gojo, and enjoy Jujutsu and being a sorcerer the way that Gojo did.

Yuji relates the story of his grandfather rejecting chemo treatment. At the time he didn't understand why his father would refuse the treatment just because it was painful, because Yuji being young would have been very easily able to handle the pain. However, after Yuji went through trauma and started dealing with suicidal ideation in the aftermath of Shibuya he understood why some people wouldn't want to keep fighting.

Yuji knows what it's like to be weak and want to give up so he doesn't want to force Megumi to be strong. Gojo projected himself onto Megumi and expected Megumi to always be strong and to love Jujutsu like he did, and didn't understand the ways Megumi was different than him. Yuji on the other hand accepted Megumi for who he was with those words, even though Megumi was weak and didn't want to continue living Yuji didn't crticize him he accepted that Megumi was different from him. He accepted the fact he didn't really understand Megumi's pain. He validated Megumi's pain and didn't try to dismiss it.

This parallel to Gojo and Megumi's first meeting is so important, because Gojo showed up in that child's life only to exploit him. While Yuji gave Megumi a choice. Even if it meant that Yuji would be lonely and heartbroken, he still gave Megumi a choice on whether or not he wanted to live.

In the end Yuji gave Megumi a choice, and Megumi made that choice to keep living. Just like Shinji, Megumi's entire character arc was just leading him up to taking the first step on his journey. Just like Shinji, Megumi's entire arc is defined by his choices being taken away from him but the very first choice he makes is his most important one: the choice to live.

So yes, a Megumi corruption arc would have been really cool but I think the answer of "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, but you can still love them" is a beautiful one.

[tealvenetianmask]

Stolas Makes Decisions Alone

I'm here to predict more problems ahead for Stolas. But don't worry- I do think he'll get through them because of character growth.

Stolas has a pattern of taking drastic actions that he believes are right and getting so caught up in his own point of view that he doesn't really listen to anyone else. I don't think he realizes this about himself. As much as he's now dealing with the consequences of his decisions at the end of Season 2, he hasn't yet learned that he can't go it alone. That he needs to communicate with the people his decisions impact- namely Blitz and Octavia, the people he cares for most. What I'm saying is, even though he's not the only one, our lovely owl man is a misunderstanding factory.

As for why he's like this, I have some ideas, but first, let's quickly go over the ways we've seen this behavior play out in HB.

It's treated as kind of light in Season 1 . . . despite being great with words, he's a lousy communicator because he gets carried away with his own ideas.

In Murder Family, Stolas has no idea that Blitz is panicking and . . . yes, I believe feeling pressured in this moment, even if he likes the deal later. In Loo Loo Land, he doesn't pay attention to Octavia's (not subtle) reactions enough to realize that no, she does not want to go to Loo Loo, and she absolutely doesn't want to bring the person Stolas cheated with along as a bodyguard. Also . . . as soon as Stolas listens to Octavia here, their communication improves, and Octavia is allowed to decide on the next father daughter activity.

The independent decision making tendency becomes more serious . . . tragic . . . in The Full Moon.

Stolas goes into the episode with a plan to do what he believes is right (freeing Blitz from himself), and he's so set on it that he blindsides the guy and shuts him out at the first hint of rejection, unable to pay enough attention to realize that it's . . . not actually rejection, just another wounded person reacting to a sudden change, since the entire decision making process already happened inside Stolas's mind.

Okay . . . Mastermind and Sinsmas.

I'm letting him off the hook for Mastermind, because he had only seconds to do something to save Blitz's life. I don't think he's wrong here. BUT symbolically, in the courtroom, Stolas rarely looks at Blitz. Someone who loves him is standing behind him, and there are moments of recognition between them, but Stolas still faces the decision, and his fate, alone.

In Sinsmas, we get the most blatant version of this kind of decision making. Yes, I know he's off his meds and going through a lot. He could have waited a few more minutes for Blitz to get back and talked through his decision to march up to his palace and demand to see his daughter. Blitz could have helped him calm down, and they could've had a conversation and decided on the best way to do it.

But that isn't how Stolas makes decisions. It isn't how he's EVER made decisions. Helping Stolas would put Blitz in danger, or Blitz might try to convince him to wait. So in Stolas's mind, if it's a choice between being kept from his daughter and dying alone by Andrealphus's hand, well . . .

There's so much that could be discussed here. Medication/depression. Suicidality. Autism . . . does this pattern stem in part from difficulty reading social cues?

These are all topics worth analyzing but . . . here's one thing that I think is at the core of Stolas's character regardless of the situation or other factors.

Stolas had all of his decisions made for him for his entire life. No one consulted him. Ever. Not about his career. Not about his marriage. Not about how he would choose to behave and conduct himself in the world.

Then when he was somewhere between 18 and 20, he had a child. And suddenly, his decisions mattered. Not in the big ways for himself. He still had to carry out all of his responsibilities. But he could decide how to raise this kid (Stella wasn't really interested in raising her after all). He could do everything in his power to make her childhood joyful, to make her feel loved, to teach her that she could be herself.

The problem is, making decisions for a kid doesn't make you a great collaborative decision maker. Being a parent means being an authority. He wasn't totalitarian like his own father, but there wasn't really anyone to honestly talk through his decisions and process his emotions with. So he's spent 35ish years never making a decision with someone else.

He's also rich and powerful, and that both keeps him isolated and gives him . . . a somewhat outsized view of his own importance and ability to control situations, in my opinion.

But now Octavia is 17, and making decisions that impact her without adequately communicating doesn't really work anymore.

And the other person he loves is Blitz. And yes, Mastermind is an exception, but Blitz usually doesn't need to be rescued or protected. He certainly doesn't need to be protected from Stolas (i.e. The Full Moon). He needs a partner. And Stolas needs one too.

So yeah, until Stolas learns to communicate (or at least learns that it's necessary) I worry about what he'll go off and do on his own.

Note: please don't take this as me blaming EVERYTHING on Stolas. Blitz and Octavia both have some responsibility for the miscommunications that go on. I just think this particular tendency of Stolas's is interesting and wanted to explore it.

[internalloops]

DA:TV rant … if you are of the mind that BioWare can do no wrong /its games can be criticize or if you truly enjoying the game and are loving everything that you’ve seen so far this post is not for you. Please move along and if you don’t want me showing up on your feed please block me.  I will not be engaging with any fan that will not allow me to take up space and vent my feelings on the disaster that is this fucking game.

*Also a lot of spoilers!!

.. it’s horrible, like I knew I was going to be disappointed but holy fucking shit …

I’m about to finish act one and .. they destroyed their entire lore … BioWare destroyed their ENTIRE lore /world build of Dragon Age

Minrathous has NO SLAVES !!! They are briefly talked about via shadow dragons but they’re are none visible at all in the city ( but they have the animation to give a poor person “fake money” )

The qunari who literally fought and tried to kill solas in trespasser have been turned into mindless brutes who willingly joined the evil gods … because they command dragons ?

The blight except for one mission is harmless. They purposely turned it into a bio weapon and then (besides the dark spawn spawning from it like something out of an MMO) due to *plot armor, no one actually contracts the blight ???

The black chantry minus one building that you go through in a side quest doesn’t exist? No chantry members , no talk of the black divine ..

Dalish are all engineers now and part of the veil jumpers ( which should not exist lore wise) and all elven magic has been converted into cyberpunk technology and artifacts. Very little talk about their oppression and they are all very willing to drop all their history , even their distrust of solas , to flight the old gods .

Varric Has been demoted to inspirational speaker and narrator he has no other role and the entire team acts like he died , even when he’s in the room with him ( I think BioWare actually planned to kill him but then chickened out ) and is a husk of his former self

Same with Morgan , you can’t interact with her at all and she’s given the same mysterious background as flemeth ( the theory that she carries mythal spirit is very strong right now )

Lyrim potions don’t exist, in fact lyrim doesn’t exist at all besides the dagger. All magic has turned into technology, and if you play as a mage mana just has an automatic replenish rate /cool down effect that you can level up.

Evil gods go back and forth between an actual intense adversary and threat to the world, and a typical Disney villain.

These are just the few I can think of off the top of my head, there is so much more than this …

The game can literally be summed up as Mass effect andromeda x2 with God of war animations and marvel style writing ( not the avengers I’m talking about the recent shit)

Also for the people who want to kill solas or simply dislike him, the game pushes a sympathetic view of him on you ,even your companions who outrightly want to kill him will feel sorry for him. And I’m saying this as a solavellan fan. Yes they’re options to be mean to him and antagonize him, but you won’t get anyone agreeing with your actions ,at best they’ll be neutral about it. Now this might play out differently for those who picked the “chooses to stop him “ option , but for those who’s inquisitions wanted to save him but they wanted their rooks to hate him … you’re not gonna be happy about what you get ..

The only thing that keeping me playing is the reveal of history of ancient elves and Titans and solas’s story. And Assan!! Assan can do no wrong !! Everything else is a slog to get through.

[veganineden]

On the Evolution of “Happily Ever After” and Why “Nothing Lasts Forever”

A reflection inspired by Good Omens 2

One of my favorite Tumblr posts on the second season of Good Omens 2 was actually not about the series at all, but our reaction to it, primarily the ending. @zehwulf wrote, “I think a lot of us—myself included—got a little too comfortable with assuming [Aziraphale and Crowley would] work on their issues right away post-Armageddon.” We did the work for them through meta, fanfiction, fanart, and building a plethora of headcanons. Who among us AO3-surfing fans didn’t read and love Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm?

In the 4 long years since season one was released, we did more than seek to understand and repair rifts between two fictional beings: we were forced to reckon with ourselves too. We faced a global pandemic, suffered traumatizing losses and isolation, and were forced to really and truly look into the face of our atrocities-ridden and capitalistic world. The mainstream rise of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice work, and our participation in this work, showed us that the systems in place were built to oppress and harm most of us, and they are. 

So, what does this have to do with the evolution of “happily ever after”? 

My friend put it best in a conversation we had following the season finale, when she pointed out a shift in media focus. The “happy end” in old stories about wars and kingdoms used to be “we killed the evil old king and put a noble young king in his place and now citizens can live in peace” and we’re transitioning into a period of “we tore down the whole fucking monarchy.” 

If we look at season one, written to follow the beats of a love story, it comforted us by offering a pretty traditional happy ending pattern: you get your fancy dinner with your special someone, the romantic music plays, and you have a place to call your own. Season one’s finale provided a temporary freedom for Aziraphale and Crowley, the “breathing room,” but it didn't solve the problem that was Heaven and Hell, or the agendas belonging to those systems of oppression. 

Is it good enough to keep our heads down, pretend the bad stuff isn’t happening, and live our own personal happy endings until we die? Moral quandaries aside, if you don't die (or if you care about the generations after you), then, like Aziraphale said, it “can’t last forever.” There’s a clear unpleasant end to the “happily ever after” that’s based on ignoring our problems– it’s the destruction of our relationships, and humanity. 

Ineffable Bureaucracy can go off into the stars because they do not care about humanity. 

You know who does?

Aziraphale. 

And Aziraphale knows that Crowley cares about humanity too. (He knows because Crowley was the one who proposed sabotaging Armageddon in the first place, who only invited him to the stars when he thought all was lost, because Crowley would save humanity if he thought it was possible, and Aziraphale knows Crowley has survived losing Everything before, and he will do all in his power so that Crowley does not need to experience that again.) 

In season one and two, we see how much they care about humanity, beyond their orders, to the point The Systems begin to frown at them. Aziraphale hears Crowley’s offer to run away together in the final episode of season two, to leave Earth behind, and just like the first time that offer was made in season one, he declines. He knows choosing only “us” is not a choice either of them can live with for the rest of eternity.

I believe season 3 will provide an opportunity to “dismantle the system,” but I don’t know how it will play out. I worry that Aziraphale has put himself in the now-dead trope of the “young noble king.” (I wish Crowley had told him why Gabriel was dismissed from his duties.) I worry that he would martyr himself as a sole agent for change. I worry that he doesn’t actually know how to dismantle anything by himself: because you can’t. He needs Crowley. He DOES. He needs Crowley, and Muriel, and other angels and demons and humans without fixed mindsets to help him. Only by learning to listen and making room at the table for all can they (and we) move past personal satisfaction to collective liberation. 

Crowley was right when he said that Aziraphale had discovered his “civic obligations.”

So, I think we will get our modern-day happy ending– and it’s going to involve a lot of pain and discomfort, communication, healing and teamwork– and in the end, it’ll all be okay. There will be a time for rest and a time for “us.” 

And most likely a cottage. 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

 - Maya Angelou

[loveneversleepss]

TROPE SERIES: Lee know

Brothers best friend

requested by @aakamiLee on wattpad

Pairing: enemy!Lee know x female reader

Trope: enemies to lovers, fake dating

Warnings: cursing, bickering, mean and nice nicknames, time jumps (bc im lazy), smut, protected sex (we're responsible for once), unprotected sex (Oopsie), oral sex, betrayal, yelling?

w.c: 10 k

~

There's a big difference between love and hate. Who you love and care for are forever in your heart, you'll follow them to the end of the earth. But hatred, it's made out of pure evil. It sinks into you until you can't push it out anymore. You deal with it in ways that aren't right. Until, you accept it. Make peace with it. Then that's when it goes away.

I guess that's why villains or enemies are seen as more powerful and better. Attractive sometimes too. Because they've made peace of their hate. They're gonna use it to fire themselves into getting what they want. Because they're not afraid. They'd let the world burn for what they love. Meanwhile hero will sacrifice what they love to save the world. And you'd choose the villain every time.

If there's anyone you have a strong hatred for, it's Lee know. Ever since you were a child, he had it out for you to embarrass you and tease you at any moment he could. On the way you'd dress, the way you talked, or the way you walked. He would say something about it. You didn't know what or why he always would make fun of you. What could possibly possess him to do that?

"Wow, y/n. Could you get anymore dorkier? Look at what you're wearing," he'd snicker.

There was never a moment he would spare you, or do anything to prove he was good. He was a bully, an enemy and you would never side with him. You promised that to yourself. But you'd hate to admit, he's gorgeous. Breath taking.

But there was one person who was disgusted by him and hated him even more than you did. Hyunjin. Your knight in shining armor. He was even more beautiful than Lee know.

"I know you're not talking with those tight jeans, Lee know." He came by your side and defended you. Lee know looked embarrassed on the spot.

You were thankful for him. You survived Lee knows bullying tactics thanks to him. He was your best friend all your childhood years. But he had to leave. You knew it wouldn't last. But you had hoped it would. The last day of elementary school, you dreaded it and wished it didn't come. But it did, and he moved away after that day.

"Don't worry, y/n. I'll come back for you, I will never forget my best friend." He hugged you tight and he whispered sweetly to you, "promise me you'll wait? Promise that you'll never have another boy at your side, I'm the only one for you." And you intended to keep that promise.

How the years fly by. Senior year. Graduation. This is the final year. The final time to experience everything you possibly can. And you will.

"Y/n!" You heard your name being called by your brother, Chan. He's practically legend at your school. He graduated a year ago. At your school, you have a record of seniors who experienced things no one else has before. He accomplished to host all senior parties. How does one even manage that?

You made your way down the stairs in your pajamas. "What?" You yelled back and made your way to the kitchen. "We're going out, don't burn down the house, and don't go anywhere." He said in a busy tone as he texted in his phone. You saw Leeknow standing next to Chan and you glanced at him confused. "Since when were you two friends? You don't even go to our school anymore, Chan." Chan made eye contact with Lee know and back to you. "Because I'm actually cool, unlike you, lil sis. I have friends and you so desperately need to get out more." He slipped away before you could answer and you glared in his direction.

You turned your focus back on Lee know as stared at you with a smirk. "Cute pjs," he joked and you rolled your eyes. "Well excuse me that I don't look like a supermodel in the morning." He seemed amused and leaned over the table, "it's noon and Saturday. Why don't you go out with us, huh? Get put of your comfort zone, gain a social life or something." You scoffed and took a couple steps closer, "I have a life and friends. I don't need to be drinking and partying all the time." He straightened his body up and crossed his arms, "name one friend you have." He was skeptical of you, you have to admit. Making friends is not an easy task for you.

"Hyunjin," you said confidently. He laughed practically in your face. "That loser? He moved away a long time ago, it's time you move on sweetheart." You were done with the conversation and flipped him off as you walked away. He rushed to stop you, leaning against the wall before the stairs. "Come on, get ready. It'll be fun." That's all you need. To attend a party with your mortal enemy.

"No thanks." You shinned a fake smile at him and you walked up the stairs. "Jeez what a loner," he mumbled and you looked down at your pajamas. Suddenly feeling self conscious. Maybe you should start going out more. You stopped mid way on the stairs and he had begun to walk away. "Do you really think it would be fun?" He turned back around and rose an eyebrow mischievously. "Yes, it would." He crossed his arms, you immediately noticed his veins and the tone of his muscles appearing. You have to admit, if he wasn't your mortal enemy, you would find him attractive.

He followed your eye path to his arms and cleared his throat. "Just go get ready loser." You frowned and continued going up the stairs and got ready.

You peaked around the corner and saw him leaning against the wall in the kitchen, waiting for you. "Yeah, Chan. It's fine I can take her. I'll be there soon." He hung up and you cleared your throat. He turned his attention up to you and smiled slightly, you began to walk down the steps with a slight shyness. He slowly made his way towards you and... He wolf whistles at you.

"Okay, ew." You rose your hand and made a face of disgust. He smiled. "It's just nice to see you actually try to fit in for once." The backhanded compliment hit you in the face like a truck. You huffed and crossed your arms, "why can't you just say I look pretty? You don't have to insult me." His expression dropped and his eyes softened, "okay I'm sorry. You look pretty." The Lee know apologizing for once in his life? You're shocked and frankly, scared. He must want something. "Okay now you're being strangely nice, what is it that you want? Girls? Money?"

He smirked as he looked down at your hands. "Did I maybe convince you to go out with me out of jealousy that I would get with a girl?" He slowly moved to the first step as you walked down to him. How the hell did he come to that conclusion? Delusional. "Are you jealous, little y/n?" He leaned against the wall. You laughed in disbelief and crossed your arms. "Of course not, no, I'm not jealous." He smirked and licked his lips, "Uh huh." He sighed heavily, "Just admit it, you're in love with me." You mock a laugh at him, "Um, no."

He raises an eyebrow at you, "Is that so?" He steps closer to you, almost toppling over you, "even when I do this?" He places a lock of your hair behind your ear and stares into your eyes, you try to ignore the heart beating fast in your chest. "Just leave me alone, jerk!" He laughs softly to himself as you push him away. "You're hot when you're mad." You narrow your eyes at him with annoyance as you walk away. He always does things like that just to get you flustered, you should be able to say you're used to it but you're not. He makes you nervous and barely able to stand when he touches you. You don't know why he has that effect on you but he does. And you hate yourself for it.

~~~

You'd never would've imagined in a hundred years that you would be in a car with Lee Know right now. It's frightening really. "So, what is all good about that Hyunjin guy? You seem to be in love with him or something." You rolled your eyes and continued looking out the window, "i'm not in love with him, he was just really nice to me." He scoffed and sat up straighter in his seat, "you're obsessed with him because he was nice to you? God, y/n, you really need to go to this party." You huffed and sat more back in the seat. You eventually arrived and heard the music booming in the distance, he parked neatly. But he hasn't motioned to leaving yet, awaiting your move. You always pondered a question and never had the guts to say it before to him, but you're feeling pretty bold right now.

"Why do you hate me?" You looked over your shoulder at him, he was clenching his jaw hard. "Who said I do?" He turned to look at you two, since when has he had that sparkle in his eyes? It's mesmerizing. He looked down to his water bottle in the cup holder and decided to take a sip. "Are you fucking with me?" He practically choked at your bluntness and hit his chest a couple times. "I mean you have made every single thing I've ever done incredibly hard and made fun of me every chance you could." He set down the water bottle and looked into your eyes once again, "it was the only way I could get your attention." You shook your head at him. "There are other ways of getting my attention, being mean is not one of them." You opened the door and slammed it shut in annoyance, he followed closely behind which annoyed you even more.

You walked into the party and realized, this is definitely not your element. "Scared, little one?" Lee know whispered into your ear. "Just not my element, can you get me something to drink?" He looked guilty all of a sudden and licked his smooth lips, "so uh. About what I said about you basically getting out of your comfort zone. Maybe drinking should not be one of them." You wanted so badly to beat him up. Rip him apart to shreds. "What? Come on, I need to unwind." You faced him now and shot puppy dog eyes at him, "pretty please?" He stayed silent for a while, just looking down at you. "Okay, I'll be back. Stay put."

Yeah, no way you're staying put. You took the opportunity when he left to explore around, leading into a den in the house. You became face to face with a man with long black hair, kissing a woman on the couch. You instantly recognized him, Hyunjin. He broke away from the kiss with an amused smile and the girl noticed you and stared with a judging look, he followed her gaze and laid eyes on you.

What. The. Fuck. "Y/n?" You turned away quickly and bumped into Lee knows silhouette, knocking your drink all over himself. "Ugh, dammit y/n." He noticed your face and immediately searched around for the cause. Lee Know's gaze locked from him to you and then back to him. His jaw tensed as he stared at them both and it clicked, that's also his ex girlfriend. Tears began to fill in your eyes, and he pulled you close. He led you to a bathroom far away from them. Tears fell down your cheeks, pooling your mind.

"Listen to me, y/n. Fuck them. He didn't deserve you anyways." You leaned against the sink as he desperately tried to wipe away your tears. You shook your head while sobbing, "I can't believe it, I was an idiot to love him. I wasted all this time waiting for him." Now he was shaking his head, "no, y/n. Don't think like that. He's the idiot and you should beat his ass for doing that to you." You sighed heavily and pushed him away by his stomach, wiping your own tears. "God, I wish you wouldn't see me like this. Please don't make fun of me for this."

He stayed silent. "God, you reek." You sat down on the closed toilet lid. He looked down to his shirt, "oh right. I forgot." He took of his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders, and off his shirt went. Pulling it off his shoulders, and wetting it in the sink. You couldn't help staring at his sculpted physique, he was ripped. And there was one thing that stood out to you, a small scar located a little above his waist. It was so unique and beautiful, you wanted to trace along it. He noticed your staring, "what?"

You stood up and walked over to him, he froze as you stared down at his scar. He backed against the sink. You slowly raised your hand and touched his stomach, "it's pretty." You traced along it, his chest rising up and down as you slowly caressed it. "Y/n," he whispered softly and you looked up at him. His cheeks were slightly red and you instantly knew he felt embarrased. You yanked your hand away, "sorry." He shook his hand and mumbled a, "its fine."

He continued to try to wash away the alcohol from his shirt as you watched. "I'll wash this later." He drained it and you gave him his sweater back to cover him up. He paused before reaching for the door, he looked back at you, "do you wanna go home?" You nodded your head, "yeah. I wanna go home." He put his arm around you and led you outside, not once letting you astray from his grip. You hadn't noticed before, but people were staring at you, you heard faint whispers. "Who's that girl with Lee Know?" "She's pretty." "Wait I think that's Chan's little sister." You shook off their conversations, of course they were talking about you, you were with Mr. King of the parties. He opened the door for you and you were about to enter when you heard your name being called. You took a deep breath and turned to the culprit. "What do you want Hyunjin?"

"Just let me explain." You glanced at Lee Know and he nodded his head for you to put Hyunjin's ass on blast. "Explain what exactly. That you didn't have your tongue down her throat, while you told me to wait for you all these years and forbade me to have a boyfriend? Please, how much of a fucking loser are you to get someone's sloppy seconds?" Lee Know held in his laughter as he brought a fist to his mouth. He looked visibly proud of you. "Yeah, we're done here. Let's go."

You held the door to enter when he yelled out, "you think you're so fucking high and mighty don't you. You wanna pick out my relationship but not the one right here," he motioned at the two of you, "I mean come on y/n. He fucking made your life a living hell, don't you remember the times you cried in my arms about him, wishing that he would die?" You suddenly felt small, he exposed you bare and you couldn't deny it. Suddenly, there was a crowd watching from afar that you hadn't noticed from afar.

Lee Know stepped in, "get over it. She doesn't want your fucking ass and is perfectly happy without you. Whatever she said in the past is definitely not how she feels anymore, now she loathes your ass. So, tell me this.." He stepped closer to him and you suddenly realized why everyone fears him too, he's not afraid to point out the obvious and speak up, he whsipered something inaudible to him. Hyunjin clenched his jaw and had a face of anger. He walked away defeated and Lee Know laughed as he did. You looked at Lee Know differently now, he stuck up for you when no one else did.

Maybe in another universe, you two could've been friends. Maybe he's not so bad afterall. Then you realized how rude you were to Hyunjin.

"My god, I'm turning into you!" He chuckled as your hands covered your face. "Is that so bad?" You nodded your head yes aggressively and he rolled his eyes. "Lino~~~" Oh God, as drunk as ever your brother came over to you two. "Chan, why did you drink so much?" He collapsed on the car and burped loudly, classy. "Okay, let's get you two home."

~~~

"Does he always get this drunk?" You asked Lee know and he shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes, only when he's stressed I guess." You plopped down on the couch and he collapsed next to you. You both sighed heavily and tried to relax. Although it didn't last long, "how are you feeling about tonight?" You shook your head, "let's not talk about it..." He cares, he cares about what you're feeling. "It's weird, isn't it?" He furrows his face in confusion, "what is?" You smiled slightly as you looked at him, "those moments where we don't hate each other." He sighed once again, "like I said. I don't hate you."

"I know." You do know that, but in your heart, you can't shake off the past. "But I know you hate me, and that's okay. I'll make you like me someday." You laughed softly, you're already starting to. You start to think about the party again and a light appears in your head. "What if we strike a deal with each other?" He raised an eyebrow, obviously interested. "What if we pretended to date?" He dropped his head back and sighed, "what do I get out of this?" You scooted closer to him, "well it'll make your ex jealous, plus it would also make Hyunjin jealous too... and maybe he will regret not being with me. Also increase my popularity." He sucked on his teeth, "seems this only benefits you, I couldn't care less about my ex."

You pondered and searched your mind for a benefit for him, "fine then, you get me." His eyes widened and he brought his head back down to normal level, "excuse me?" You leaned onto the couch on one arm, holding your head, "you heard me. I'll let you hit it whenever you want." He scoffed, "I'm offended that you think I don't have access to that already." You bit your bottom lip, "but it's not me. It's different, I'm your enemy." He squinted his eyes and blinked about a thousand times, like to actually think about it. "So, you're saying you want to have hate sex?" You almost giggled and shrug your shoulders.

"I knew you were in love with me." You smiled and shook your head, "like I said, no." He mimicked your position and got closer, "so if I told you I wanted you right now, spread out and making you cry for it. You would do it?" You made a face of disgust, "okay don't make it weird. But essentially.. sure. After all if imma lose my virginity to someone, might as well be you." He retracted his face is shock, "wait you're a virgin? God, you were really waiting for him, huh?" Unfortunately yes, you were.

He licked his lips and nodded, "okay fine. I'll be your fake boyfriend. But that means that you can't fight me on couple duties and don't tell Chan." What have you gotten yourself into?

He seemed to keep up his end of the deal, to not be able to get away from him, even at school. Your phone began to ring and you reached into your book bag, more of a tote bag and answered it. "Hello?" His voice was excited and jumpy, "hi y/n.~" You nearly hung up the phone as soon as he spoke. "Lee know?? How did you even get my number?" You audibly groaned his name. "Your brother~" he cooed. "Remind me to murder him later.." He laughed softly and you felt butterflies appear in your tummy, you clenched your stomach and nearly punched yourself to make it go away.

"Why are you calling me?" You cross one of your arms across your chest and the other holding up your phone. "That's how you talk to your savior? Your brother told me to take you home." You groan aloud and begin to walk down the path to the front. "Why didn't he come for me?" There's a loud beep of a horn and you stop into your tracks. "Sorry, apparently that car didn't see me.. maybe he wanted us to spend alone time together." You roll your eyes. "I highly doubt that." He clicks his tongue, "so where are you?" You continue your walking again but go even slower. "I'm hiding, or maybe im at home or maybe im in Hyunjin's car. Could be anywhere really as long as I am away from you." This feeling makes you feel upbeat, you like teasing him.

"Tell me where you are right now you brat," he speaks quickly in a rude tone. "Okay, first of all, rude." He sighs heavily and then chuckles softly to himself, "nice dress, Princess. Can I take it off?" Your phone slightly drops down when you search your surroundings for him. You furrow your brows when you don't find him. "How'd you know I-" You scream as your feet are lifted off the floor, being carried from behind by your waist. "Found you," he whispers and attacks your neck, biting it playfully and pretending to eat it while making gurgling noises. "Okay, okay, enough! Put me down!" People were staring.

He sets you down gently and you toss your phone back into your bag. "Here, let me get that for you." He deattaches your book bag off your shoulder and onto his. "Thanks," you mumble softly. His arm cheekily raises over your head to your shoulder, "So, what are we doing today huh? Going to dinner? Or a fair? Maybe even the movies?" You stopped walking, pushing his arm off and your mouth was slightly agape as he looked at you curiously, "what are you talking about? We're going straight home." He pouted his bottom lip, as you noticed his car. Without waiting, you marched straight to it and to the passenger's side door, about to open it until he slammed it shut.

He leans in close, keeping a firm grip on the door. "We have to go out," he said softly, you shook your head no as you kept trying to open the door. "Come onnn, let's go on a date. You were the one who said you wanted to do this fake dating thingy." He whined pathetically and you knew he was just messing with you. So obviously you had no intentions or interest in saying yes. But you did anyway, just to mess with him. "Hmm, why not?" He perked up immediately and stepped closer to you. "Really?" "No," you said almost immediately and he frowned. "Well too bad because we're going anyway." He finally let go of the door and opened it. You glared at him as you went in and he softly smiled.

~~

He took you out for ice cream. It was nice. He was nice and complimented your dress. He took you home afterward, and surprise surprise. No Chan. "Great, I don't wanna be alone... Come inside?" He looked at your front door and then you. "Can I cash in?" Already? You weren't prepared yet. And weren't exactly ready to give it up yet. "Oh, I haven't prepped or anything." He stepped closer to you, merely inches away. "I don't need all that, just you." But why the hell not? The sooner the better.

You led him inside and up into your room, making sure to lock the door. He wandered about as you quickly went into the restroom to touch up, the door was open to keep an eye on him. You walked in after a couple minutes and he was sitting on the bed, looking at picture. One of you in elementary, playing in the grass alongside Hyunjin. "I always thought you were so pretty when you played in the grass, I never got the chance to go with you. Your protector prohibited it." You approached him slowly and sat on the bed. You pulled the picture out of his hand, "forget him. I'm here now."

His eyes scanned your face as you tossed the photo aside. You prepared yourself, first kiss, first everything would be with him. He leaned in slightly. "What if my brother finds out?" His hand slips behind your ear, tucking softly at your hair strands. "He won't," he whispers against your lips. He stares into your eyes, flickering down often back down to your lips. "God, you're so damn beautiful." He pressed his soft lips into yours, taking you whole. You sighed in relief, it's as magical as you thought it would be. Moist and soft as pillows. Connecting two bodies into one.

"Don't stop," you mumbled against his lips. And he didn't. He entered his tongue softly into your mouth, entangling his with yours. You moaned at the feeling, the pleasure intensifying and all your doubts fade away. He reaches at the bottom of your dress, pulling it up above your waist. Revealing your underwear and tugging at it. He strokes at your concealed clit, he smiles. "You're wet for me, baby?" You almost moaned at the nickname. You felt shy now that he pointed it out. "You're sure you want to go through with this? I can stop."

You don't want him to stop. "Don't you dare stop." You pulled him back into your lips. You felt him smile against your lips. He pulled your dress over your head and laid it onto the floor. You reached for his belt. He stopped you as he took it off himself. You crawled back higher in the bed for room. He undressed himself until he was in his underwear too, the beautiful scar appearing once again. You couldn't help but stare, he is beautiful you have to admit. You reached for his pants and pulled out an aluminum wrapper. Holding it in his mouth and crawled toward you seductively. You giggled as he appeared on top of you and you took the wrapper out of his mouth.

He kissed your neck which made you melt in his touch. It felt like heaven and sent tingles down your body. Intensifying the building pleasure. He reached around your back and unclipped your bra. You weren't expecting it and gasped, so easily slipping it off. He attached his lips to your breast immediately, making your back arch as he sucked on it softly. His fingers teased at your entrance, playing with your panties and slapping it against your sensitive skin. "Don't tease me," you whimpered and his eyes turned dark with lust. He grabbed the wrapper from you and slipped down his underwear. Your mouth dropped, you weren't expecting it so suddenly.

You felt compelled to look at it and dragged down your panties. He groaned as he made eye contact with your pussy. He opened the wrapper and slipped it on neatly and swift. Getting ready and you prepared as he positioned himself. He entered smoothly and you moaned aloud, you covered your mouth but he pulled it away quickly. He kept your hands above your head at your wrists and the other positioning himself into you. You felt so full. "Fuck, fuck. It feels so good." You whined out as he continued to bottom out into you. He finally stopped pushing until you. The pain and pleasure mixing.

You moaned happily and tried to break free of his hold. "God, you're fucking perfect," he whispered. The praise got you going even more. He pulled out to the tip and pushed back in. You moaned heavily again as he began to set a rhythm. "Fuck, you're gonna make me come if you keep clenching like that." You wrapped your legs around his waist to encourage him. "Cum if you want to, just keep going." You've never talked like this to anyone. He let go of his grip around your wrists and readjusted your legs. Laying your ankles onto his shoulders and holding your legs close.

He pushed back into you and you practically crumbled in his hands. The pleasure was intensified, heightened. You cried out as he mercilessly pounded into you. "Please, please" you begged although you didn't know what. His thumb rubbed against your sensitive bud and you pushed away with your hips. You whimpered out as he kept abusing your body. "What's wrong, can't take it?" He teased you which made you angry, you hate being teased especially by him. It's his favorite thing to do.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." You chanted against his rhythm. "I hate you so much," you mumbled to yourself. He smirked, "keep talking and watch what's gonna happen." A challenge, you know you can't resist. "I hate that I love this so much," you laughed breathlessly, "I hate that I love you fucking me." You squealed as he turned you over onto your stomach. He pushed your neck into the sheets and arched your back, a sting on your butt appeared. You whimpered at the pain, he slid on once again and you screamed into the pillow. "Keep going," he whispered into your ear. And so you did, confessing all what you were thinking.

"I hate that you're so attractive." He pulled your hair into a bundle and moaned softly. Butterflies appeared in your stomach, he was enjoying this, enjoying you. "I hate that you know exactly how to make me crumble in your hands." Tug. "I hate that I crave you at times I shouldn't." He begins to pound up into you fast and harsh, making you a moaning mess. "I hate that I've wanted you all these years!" You want it, want it so bad. You need a release. "That's all I wanted to hear," he whispered sweetly into your ear and pulled your face to kiss him. You cried out into his mouth as he mercilessly grinded into you. He moaned loudly, his hands bracing onto your hips as his pace slowed. But he kept going, for you.

He snapped his hips into you once, twice, and you collapsed. Like a thread being cut. A knot being undone. A firework finally exploding. Release, sweet beautiful release. He talked you through it, "that's it. Just let it go, princess. You're doing so good." You relaxed in his arms, feeling him slip out of you slowly. You suddenly felt empty now, without the comfort of him. He laid you down softly onto your back. "You okay?" He cooed at you as he brushed the hair out of your perfectly happy face. You nodded your head, "what are you smiling about, hm?"

"I'm just happy." You were. He gave you an experience that you'd dream of. He pulled back to yank off the rubber, and threw it away into your bathroom trash. You got up reluctantly to pull your underwear back on. But once you felt your feet hit the ground, a sharp sensation drew up your back and you stumbled onto your knees. He came running to your laid as you laid helplessly, "ow."

~~~

You two had a conversation after, establishing some boundaries. "Okay so first off," you underlined the top of the page titled, agreement. "We are not allowed to fall for each other, no romantic feelings whatsoever." He nodded in agreement as you scribbled it along the page. "Have to show some sort of affection in public for fake dating purposes... and make a public appearance at a party or something." He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "It's not that hard okay? It can be a simple gesture like a kiss on the cheek or a hug." You wrote it down.

"And I get to have my benefit whenever I want." He mentioned as he snatched the paper away from you and wrote it down. "As long as it's not in front of other people, I'd rather not flash my pussy to a stranger." He chuckled at your bluntness. "Oh right one more thing," you took the paper back. "Agreement will be void once goal is made aka I get my crush or broken." He stared hard at you, confusion in his sparky eyes. "You still want that guy? After all he did?"

You shrug your shoulders, "I mean I get it. You get lonely without someone to love. And plus, now I know the benefits of having someone." You cheekily rose your eyebrows at him in a playful way. He sighed and looked away. "I don't understand why you don't want your ex back. Didn't you two love each other?" He shook his head and you laid the paper onto the table in front of you two. "Why?" He sighs, "because she isn't you." You look at him confused, scared. "She isn't you... as friends, we have a connection, we light up around each other. I don't have that connection with her. I crave a connection if I want a relationship."

You understood what he meant. You do. You two seem to always encourage each other and be confident. You're not afraid of telling him anything. He changed the subject. "So, what did you mean that you've wanted me all these years?" Oh shit. You'd forgotten about that, your ears begun to stung. Might as well come out with the truth. "Well, I've always found you attractive. I just didn't wanna admit it."

"Yeah, I kinda have that effect on people." He flicked his imaginary long hair. You cackled out at his demeanor. "So that basically means you fantasize about me, huh?" You scoffed jokingly, "okay enough Mr. Cocky," you threw a pillow at him and he laid in defeat.

You had to begun to hang out at school with each other more. His friends had grown accustomed to you now. It was working, everyone believed you two were together. But thank god it was Friday, you hate school. You were sitting at the table where his friends were, waiting for him to arrive when you noticed his ex. Glaring at you with such fire in her eyes. "Hey," Lee Know said and you jumped once you felt his hand on your back. "Hi," he pecked you on the cheek. "You okay?" You nodded, while still looking in her direction, he noticed and followed your gaze. His eyes darkened as he noticed that she was whispering to her friends while looking at you. You felt suddenly conscious of yourself.

"Imma go okay?" You said softly to him but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. "Don't go, I'll handle it." You shook your head, "it's fine. Don't ruin anything between you two because of me." His eyes screamed at you to stay but you couldn't. You couldn't stand sitting there while she talked about you. So you walked away, feeling an ache in your stomach. You went to a nearby bathroom and washed your face. You stayed in there, looking at the mirror at your clothes. 'It could be better,' you thought. Maybe you'll go shopping.

You walked out upset and bumped into a tall boy. "Sorry," you said as you pulled away. "Y/n?" You stared up at him, that familiar face. "Hey Hyunjin." You stood silent, awaiting what he would say, it seems like he's got a lot on his mind. "Look I just wanted to say about how sorry I am for the other night. It was stupid and I don't even like the girl, I swear. I cut ties with her." You sighed heavily and put your hands in your sweaters pockets. "Let's just forget about that okay?" He nodded his head and you turned to leave.

"Wait," you stopped and looked up at him once more. "How about we go out tomorrow? So I can really make it up to you. Meet me at our spot at 3?" Your spot, you haven't been there in a long time. It's a big playground, you two would always meet up there in the past and just talk. "Sure, I'll be there." You walked away and find a stray Lee know again.

"Where'd you go?" You smacked your lips, "I have news!" His eyes creased and a small smile emerged. "Hyunjin asked me to go out tomorrow, as an apology." His smile quickly faded, and his eyes dropped down to his feet. "Isn't that good? I have to go shopping after school though, for some clothes." He nodded his head quick and reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. "Get something nice for yourself okay?" He hands you a couple of big bills. "No, no. I don't wanna use your money." You try to hand him it back but he pulls away. You sigh reluctantly and put the money into your pocket.

He leans forward into your ear, "maybe you can buy something nice for the two of us, hm?" You instantly knew what he meant, lingerie, and your face reddened at the thought of it. "Don't be naughty."

It was the next morning, and Lee know had shown up to question you about Hyunjin. He sat next to your floor mirror on a seat cushion. "And you'll be alone?" You rolled your eyes as you grabbed your shopping bag, pulling out the new dress you bought. It's a navy blue and tight fitted, you're planning on wearing some stockings with it so you won't be completely exposed. "You're stressing too much about this." You said while walking over to your bathroom to change, bringing the bag with you. "Yeah, because I care about you."

You began to dress behind the door as you listened. "I just don't want him to try anything funny." You walked out, over to the mirror, in front of him, "It'll be fine, it's in public." He stared at you, scanning up and down and you smiled happily at the result. "So.. do you like it?" You turned to him and did a twirl. "Love, I'm not even looking at the dress." You sucked in a breath and smiled, you lifted your hair and tried to assess if it looked good. "Hmm, hair down. Only I get to see you with your hair pulled back." You knew what he meant to that too.

Which reminded you of the surprise you had for him. You had noticed a lingerie store next to the dress store. And you gave in, picking out a white set. After all it is his money, he'll enjoy it. "Hold on, I have a surprise for you." You skipped over to the bathroom and changed into it. It hugged you beautifully, a blinged out corset top with see through panties, attached was some laced stockings. It came with a light cover dress, it was flowy and very pretty. You bit your bottom lip as you gazed at yourself. Definitely out of your comfort zone, but so is everything.

"What's taking so long-" He pushed open the door and his face practically dropped. His eyes didn't know where to land. You shifted on your heels, "do you like it?" He said no words. He lifted you up from your legs and hung you over his shoulder. "Hey, what are you doing!" You screamed out and kicked your legs, it was useless. He dropped you onto your bed and quickly ran to your room door, locking it. You didn't know what he was doing, you only assumed. He wants to fuck you again.

"Get on your knees," he ordered you without hesitation. You've never seen him like this, so dominant. You slowly dragged yourself onto the floor. Gradually getting onto your knees, you looked up at him through your lashes. He slowly unzipped his pants and you gulped. You know what he wants. He pushed down his pants to his ankles along with his boxers. You stared at his length, rock hard. "You have no idea what you do to me," he said as he stroked your cheek. It felt so innocent in this setting, it soothed you. He wrapped his hand around himself and pressed it to your lips. "You know what to do."

You parted your lips slightly and pressed a soft kiss onto him. You moved his hand out of your way, replacing it with yours. And slowly, seductively, teasingly, you kitty licked at his tip. He hissed as he watched you. He grabbed your hair into a ball, holding it out of the way to enjoy the show. Finally, you pushed him into your mouth, you held down your tongue and tried your best not to gag. It was impossible and caused your eyes to fill with tears. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, and he tugged on your hair aggressively, pushing your head. You didn't care, he can use you all he likes.

"Fuck, I need you right now." You hummed against him and he moaned out loud. You were beginning to feel a glow in between your legs. He pushed your mouth off of him and you got onto the bed. He threw his shirt off and you could cum at the sight, he's so breathtaking. He ripped your sheer dress off you, "hey don't ruin it!" He growled, "my money, my girl, I can do what the hell I want." You're not his girl, you were about to correct him when he pushed aside your panties. One of his fingers entering inside of you and you moaned. Prepping you for him.

He took out a condom and once again slipped one on with one hand, what an expert. He planted his hand next to your head and kissed you softly, his kisses were always so gentle. He slipped into you, beginning a rhythm and you moaned loudly into his mouth. He pulled away, "I feel that good?" You nodded your head quick and did not even try to be quiet. Your arms slipped around his neck and you closed your eyes in pure bliss. He was grunting hard, like he was gonna finish soon. But you knew he would keep going even if he did. He started to go faster while his moans were getting louder. You felt a slight shoot get blocked off and the condom fill up.

You felt a rush of pleasure come over you, you felt your high coming in close. You started to whimper out and clawed out his back. He then began to trickle kisses down your neck but you felt a slight sucking sensation. "Don't," you said breathlessly, "I'm still going out after this." He stopped and you saw how angry his expression was. His rhythm slowed down unexpectedly and you made eye contact with him. "Keep going. I'm so close," you begged him. "Uh, uh. You want to go out still? You don't get to finish." And he denied you of finishing. He pulled out of you.

You groaned, annoyed. "Why are you so mean?" You whined as he moved away from you. He smiles, "because," and kisses your cheek. You frown. He took off his condom and threw it in the bin next to your bed, you had planned ahead by putting one there. But you had your own ideas. As he laid beside you and stared at the ceiling, your hand slipped off your panties. Your hand slipped down between your folds, and circled your clit. You moaned out as you stared at Lee know, making eye contact. He shook his head disapprovingly. You were only to this to make him realize he made a mistake.

"Mm, Lee know," his name slipped out of your lips so easily. You made sure to sound as breathless as possible. It was working as you saw he was getting hard again. "I won't engage," he told you but you knew he was lying. "Fine," you stopped and got on top of him. "You won't play with me?" You grabbed his now hard length and held it lined up to your entrance. "Y/n, don't. I'm not wearing-" You ignored him as you slid down slowly. You braced yourself onto his stomach and moaned out pathetically, why did he never let you experience it raw before? It's addictive.

He feels crazy good. You can feel every ridge and curve. Everything hits the right spot. "Oh my god," you gripped onto his chest. "Oh my god," you screamed out in glee. The build up is threatening to snap, and you love how it's feels right before it does. "Thats it, my love. Let it out," he whispered sweetly to you. Snap. And you go falling down onto him.

~~~

He begged you not to go, but you weren't going to stand up Hyunjin. You couldn't... At least not without an explanation. You walked over to the park, he was no where to be found. Your phone began to ring, unknown caller. You answered it, "hello?" There was a sudden burst of laughter, a girl. "Oh y/n. Did you really think he was gonna go? You're quite stupid to think that." You recognized the voice, Lee knows ex. "He ditched me?" There was a noise of scramble on the other side. "Hello y/n." Hyunjin. You gritted your teeth. "I like your dress, very revealing. Did you go shopping for me?" You looked around and saw no one, suddenly you felt cold and began to walk out of the park.

"Why are you doing this?" He laughed softly to himself. "It's payback, you betrayed me by getting with Lee know." Anger began to pelt up inside you, "I never betrayed you. You betrayed me." He laughed once again. "But something smells fishy doesn't it? I think it's you." Just then you turned when a loud car pasted by, the window was down. Splash. You were hit with a bucketload of water. You gasped as you fell to the ground from the weight. You screamed when you saw a fish had been through with it. You didn't know what to do, you ran.

Home. You don't know where that is. All you knew was him. You needed him. His comfort. His words. You needed to go to him.

~~~

You knocked on his door repeatedly and rang the doorbell. Clutching your soaked body and sobbing out. The door swung open fast, when his eyes landed on you. He had a look who could kill. "Who did this to you?" You didn't want to answer. You knew he would go after him and that's the last thing you wanted. "It's none of your business." You said calmly. "You're my fucking business. What happened?" He spit out his words and tears flowed down your cheeks once again. "I'm gonna kill him." He stormed past you but you clutched onto his arm. "Please don't leave me. I need you here."

His gaze softened and immediately took you into his arms. "I'm not gonna leave you, I swear." You smelled, really bad. But he didn't care. He held you for so long. You wish he would never let go. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He led you inside and into his bathroom. He lives alone. You remember that, no siblings, parents gone. It must be awfully lonely. He sat you down on the toilet lid while he turned on the water for a bath. Putting bubbles in it. You laughed amused to yourself, he has bubbles for himself?

He looked confused at you, "feeling better?" Your face fell sullen again. "Get undressed," he said and pulled you off the seat. You pulled the dress off and the stockings. He picked them up and waited for you to take off the rest. You turned away from him and took off your underwear. You got into the water and sat down. He left with your clothes and came back with his own, a hoodie and some shorts. Sigh, no underwear. He was respectful when he came over to you, only looked at your face. Nothing else. He scrubbed you clean and gently rubbed shampoo into your hair.

You could've done it yourself but he insisted. He said he felt bad for letting you go. For letting them get to you. "I'm sorry this happened y/n." At least one person actually cares for you. He left so you can dry yourself and get dressed. After you did, you walked into his living room. Wandering around his place and found him in the kitchen. He had a pan of butter grilling, while he was cutting some freshly washed asparagus. "Hey, hope you like steak,' he said as you walked to his side. There was a plate of seasoned meat sitting next to the cutting board. "You're the whole package, huh. Everything a girl would hope for." He laughed softly, "hope she comes soon."

~~~

You had slept at his place that night, after having a full tummy and a movie night on his couch. You got to talking. "Tell me a lie that you've told yourself all your life." He asked while putting an arm on the couch behind your back. You smile softly, "that we can't be friends. I should've given you a chance a long time ago." You laid your head against his arm, your body still facing him. "So you don't hate me anymore?" You didn't want to admit it so you just smiled and looked down.

"Say you hate me, y/n." You glared at him, challenge in your eyes. "Say it," he curved his head and gave you a stern look. You tried to lose your smile but laughed when you said, "I hate you." His tone was playful. "Say it like you mean it." A smile crept up on your lips, "I can't."

You two were silent now. "I don't hate you Lee know. I guess your charm has finally won me over." He pulled your body close to his, "good. We can finally be friends now, best friends." Your eyes began to drop, heavy with sleep, "Yeah, I would like that." You fell asleep. And woke up in his bed.

"Good morning sleepy head," he said sitting up. You stretched out, looking down at his hoodie. Forgetting that you had it. "What time is it?" You mumbled and rubbed your eyes. "Time to wake up," he said while grabbing his phone. "Look at this," he flashed a photo up at you, a picture of you lying on his chest. "Delete it," he shook his head. "It's my new wallpaper." You tackled him, attempting to snatch the phone out of his hand. You huffed once he shoved it into his bedside drawer. "Come here," he whispered and motioned to his lap. He pulled you over, and you laid onto him, straddling on him.

You set your head between the cradle of his neck and shoulder. Your arms resting around his neck. This feels nice. Comforting. "Thank you," you grazed your fingertips against his arms. His arms wrapped around your waist. "For what?" His chest flowed up and down, "for being here, with me." He hummed and traced his hand up your spine. "You're being so sweet all of a sudden." Your head slowly raised and your thumb lined his lips, "I'm just happy I have you." He looked at you suspiciously, "you want something don't you?"

Your eyes snapped up at him and he tilted his head in confusion. You smiled, he caught you, "feel like exploring?" He sighed and tried to look annoyed. He looked up at you with a soft look and stroked your cheek, "I didn't think you would want to do anything.. Aren't you tired?" You shook your head, you leaned forward to his neck. Removed his hands from your cheek and sprinkled kisses. He pulled back and you frowned, "I want you to do what I did for you the other day.. the stuff with my mouth?" His tongue rolled inside, along his cheek. He cheekily smiled, "You want me to do that to you?" You nodded your head and pouted.

"Aww, anything for you," he rolled you over onto your back. He pressed his lips against yours softly, igniting you. You pulled him to stay, gripping his sleeves. You moaned against his lips once you felt his hand pulling at your shorts. "I like seeing you in my clothes," he whispered against your lips. "I like being in them," you teased him back, "but I'd rather not have any on with you." He tilted his head once again in surprise. You took the opportunity to scatter your mouth against his neck. This time he cooperated. "You're becoming more and more like me."

You smiled against his neck and began to suck against the sensitive skin. He pulled away after a few seconds, he looked down at you, "oh so when you do it, it's okay?" You shrugged your shoulders, "you can do it to me if you want." He immediately got to action. He pressed his lips to your neck, you felt yourself flush. He sucking harshly and you winced softly, he kissed down your collarbones and lifted your shirt. Sucking on your breasts, it seemed it was letters of some sort.

He finally stopped after a while, he kissed your lips. "Ready?" You smiled and he crawled down your body. Your hands laid on your chest comfortably. Once his wet lips pressed against your inner thigh, you gasped. You almost closed your thighs in surprise. "Just relax for me, baby." You did and released the tension. He softly laid your legs onto his back. You could feel his hot breath on your core and it was driving you crazy. Finally, he set his lips onto you. Your hands crashed into his hair.

He kissed your clit softly causing your body to jolt. His eyes looked up at you, dark and sparkling. He looks perfect like this. You grab your phone from the bedside table, he put it there to you. A capture an array of pictures of him, "do I look pretty?" He asks and you nod your head. His tongue makes its way and pushes into you. The pressure building in your stomach. You set the phone down beside you. He attacked your clit again, sucking and kissing while his fingers entered inside you. It was too much, your body enjoyed it too much. You let go. Cracked.

You felt light headed, minutes, hours seemed to pass by in a second. "Holy shit, are you okay?" You nodded your head and a warm presence kissed your cheek. You cooled down and hugged his body close to yours. "Feel like going out tonight?" He asked softly, looking into your eyes lovingly. "Yeah, but I want more." You said as you pulled the covers over you two.

~

"I have nothing to wear!" You cried out in your closet. "You have plenty of clothes, you just went shopping." You searched in the pile of clothes on your floor, "I don't know if I want to wear a skirt or a dress or pants." He sighed heavily, "it's gonna rain tonight." You frowned and picked up a pair of pants, better to be comfy than cold. "I'll would wear a revealing top to better the outfit. But someone decided to leave hickeys that say MINE on me." You pulled out a shirt and showed him it. He crossed his arms, "wear what you want. I can fight."

You hit him with the shirt, "there will be no fighting tonight. I want just want to chill and enjoy a beer." You pull the clothes on quickly and turn to him, shooting him a look that says 'how do I took?' "You look beautiful," he cringes immediately after the compliment leaves his lips and you giggle to yourself. "Wow, can't say anything nice without cringing."

~

The party was pretty boring. No fights. No arguments. Just what you wanted. Just a night to chill with some friends and your brother. Chan questioned you about where you were, "you were gone the whole night." You pushed him away, "like you're not gone for days at a time. I had a rough night and crashed at a friend's." He seemed to believe you and moved on. It was technically true. Lee know is your friend.. friend with benefits? Fuck buddy? Best friend? One of those.

You walked over to a group where Lee know was chatting with his buddies. They tried to tease him by lifting up his shirt but he quickly dodged their attempts. "Come on guys. You know he doesn't like anyone touching or seeing his scar," Chan scolded. Your eyes darted to Lee know. He doesn't? But he let you, he didn't care when you saw him, saw his scar. When you traced your fingers along it. "Whatever, I need a drink." He walked away from the group and he grazed along your arm for you to follow. You did, and immediately questioned him, "I didn't know you didn't like when people touch you there." He didn't answer for a while. "I don't." You whispered softly to him as he grabbed a cup. "But you let me."

"Isn't it obvious y/n?" He took a big gulp out of his cup, chugging it down. "What is?" He looked into your eyes, searching for something, something that you should already know the answer to. "Never mind," he shook his head off and began pouring himself another drink. "No, what? Tell me." You snatched the cup out of his hands and he almost pouted. He leaned against the table, "I'd only let you because... I have a soft spot for you, I think you know the reason why." You blinked heavily, "but I want you to tell me, not for me to just guess." You looked down at the beer in your hands and took a small sip, it's bitter.

"I'll tell you later," he grabbed the cup back from you and took a sip. "You either tell me now or never." You walked away from him, he followed behind and you went outside. To have an actual private conversation. Its raining. You stopped at the end of the driveway, next to your brother's car, and awaited his answer. His hands were in his pockets and he stared at the ground. Water dripping down his hair and body naughtily. "So?" He looked up and shook his head, you sighed heavily. "God, you're such a coward." He furrows his brows, "excuse me?"

"You're a fucking coward. You talk all this nonsense saying you're sure about yourself and you're really not. You're pathetic." He raised his tone, "fine you really want to know?" You stood, wet, the question was seeping into your skin.

"I love you y/n."

You blinked a thousand times again. You stepped back and shook your head in disbelief. Disappointment. You both agreed that your relationship wouldn't go past any feelings. "Is that so hard to believe?" He said since you weren't saying anything. "I thought we agreed no strings attached, that this would never turn into something." He groaned and his hands flew up into his face, rubbing against it crazily. "How could you have not known, y/n? All these years I've waited for you, tried to get your attention just so you would look at me, like me!" You swallowed down a build up in your throat, feeling a heavy feeling. "It's you, y/n. It's always been you. Why can't you see it?"

"I don't chase girls, I never have. I never wanted to. But I'm chasing you." You fist your hands into a ball. He tries to approach you but you push him away. "Don't push me away," he pleads. "I'd like to go home now." You said bluntly. His eyes saddened, glassy with tears. You walked to his car, the rain was pouring down even harder. You turned angrily at him. "Why? Why now? Why did you never tell me this!" He shakes his head, "I didn't know how to say it." He paused. "But it's true, I love you y/n. And I never want to stop saying it." Tears begin to mix with the rain pouring down your cheeks. "I have loved you ever since I have known you."

"You're fucked up, you're fucking everything up!" He nodded his head and walked in a different direction, past you. You chased after him. "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you." He stopped next to his car, "what is there to talk about? I know you don't like me." The feeling in your chest was heavy, you know what you have to do. What to say. You find the words in your heart, you know what you feel for him. "I love you." He stops. "You're actually stupid if you don't realize how much I love you," you add and smile.

You look into his eyes, his mesmerizing eyes. "But I have to make sure, that you really do love me-" "yes." He cuts you off so sure of himself, like it's as easy as breathing. "Yes, I love you y/n," he runs up to you and involves you into a kiss. It's sweet and soft, butter against your lips. "There's never gonna be anyone but you." You smile, a smile so big and genuine, you feel as if you're floating. It dawns on you, "my brother is going to kill me when he finds out." He laughs against your lips, "don't worry about that."

~~~~~~~~

[birdsandbeetlesandmoths]

So. Sonic 3. That was. certainly. hoo boy *collapses to the sound of a metal pipe falling*

Spoilers and thoughts under cut (LONG POST)

Well, my pre-movie post was SO WRONG. I think most stobotnik fans were, thinking that Stone would be the one dying. I- truly wasn’t expecting it.

I’ll get back to that in a second, let me get all of my silly things out of the way/the things i was hype about/had to crush my partner and friend’s hands about while witnessing.

The antics between Gerald and Ivo were expected but oh my GOD JIM CARREY. you are a national treasure, have fun in retirement. we will miss you greatly, but this being your final movie (probably) is a great thing to culminate your absolutely stunning career.

Anyway, their dance sequence was fucking insane, and as much as I was cringing, I was grinning through it too. The fight on the Eclipse cannon was also questionable BUT HOLY FUCK NOW I GET THE PRAYING MANTIS/FLY REFERENCE. (Thank god it wasn’t directly about stone and robotnik but i’m already cooking how i can connect them). Spanking? Also in my Sonic movie. But yeah.

Gerald and Ivo could never be more alike in intellect, but different in morals. Evident through Gerald’s fixation on avenging his daughter with no remorse or thought for whoever will get in the way, throwing away Ivo and the whole of the world as a result). He’s willing to kill himself, but as Shadow says and believes, that isn’t what Maria would have wanted.

I used to not like the Wachowskis. I was already a little unsettled when the first movie released by the fact that characters unrelated to previous Sonic media were being utilized as major plot elements, but during the second and third movies, I began to absolutely love them.

This third movie cemented that love. The father-son relationship between Tom and Sonic specifically. My heart was aching in the first scene at their little campsite, Happy BEarthday, and their heart-to-heart in Sonic’s old cave, talking about Choice (an analysis incoming) and that you always have a choice, and that your lungs (heart) will help you find the right one.

I think this movie might’ve done. One of the best jobs of displaying found family. The sibling relationship between Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic was the most heartrendingly beautiful and achingly real thing I’ve seen in a while. And it really hits you, the fact that they’re kids.

And the amount of silly little jokes, Tails having his gadgetry and Knuckles with his blunt personality, Sonic tying them all together with his wit and charm, it all became slightly surreal to see. To see something so happy, so delicately real.

Oh my god, on the trio, Knuckles saving both Sonic and Tails from falling to Earth. I was gasping that whole time, truly being sent into the moment. Movies and media rarely do that to me in the emotional sense.

AND AS FOR SHADOW AND MARIA

Holy fuck at least I was right about that part in my pre-movie wishes. I thought it was interesting how they adapted it, and it definitely made for it to be slightly more believable and less complicated.

But oh my gosh them. Skating around the lab, messing around together, introducing Shadow to that great 70s music and dancing, watching movies together and just being kids!! And don’t even get me started on the rooftop scene. Shadow was so vulnerable and self-conscious, and Maria comforted him in a way that touched me. Understands him in a way that no one else ever has, as everyone else only saw him as the experiment and the subject, while she saw him as his own person, with thoughts and emotions and curiosities.

It paralleled Sonic and Tom in the cinematography too, and the sentiment was all the same. That Shadow can choose who he wants to be. (I Am All I Am and Choice. Trust, it’s coming soon)

Maria and Shadow made me unbearably happy. It was all I could’ve ever asked for and more.

Shadow and Sonic were an absolutely crazy duo this show. Dude, in their fight versus each other? Both going Super and absolutely going at it, and Shadow having the absolute gall to accuse Sonic of not caring about his friends, that he was clearly here alone because he abandoned them, and mention Tom, which caused Sonic to go completely over the edge, and actually punch him straight into space and lose his Super.

Sonic and Shadow reconciling over their shared feeling of grief, Sonic sharing his pain, emphasizing the love that will be able to help them heal, Shadow reciprocating, and then Shadow remembering Maria after looking up at the stars, realizing, from Sonic’s words, that this truly wasn’t what Maria wanted, just that whole moon scene between them is living in my head rent free and I need to see it over and over again.

HOLYYY SHIT THEY PLAYED LIVE AND LEARN WHEN SUPER SONIC AND SUPER SHADOW TEAMED UP AND BEAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK OUT OF THOSE ROBOTS. Me and my friends were going so fucking insane in that theater.

Shadow remembering Maria (possibly for the last time) as he sacrifices himself to push the Eclipse cannon away from the place that Maria loved. Remembering all of the good moments, the love between them, that is all he wanted if he was going to leave the world for good. (Well, I mean, he’s still alive, but the amnesia route is still optional)

Sonic actually going slightly insane this movie was also very interesting to watch. His absolute- like, his vision went RED when Shadow mentioned Tom. That was what set him OFFFF. His abuse of the Master Emerald and even threatening his own best friends/siblings over this— god the emphasis of choice in this film I want to sob.

Also, yall already KNOW I WAS BALLING ABOUT THE AKIRA SLIDE, SNAPCUBE REFERENCES, AND EVERY TIME SHADOW BREATHED OR MOVED. Literally could not contain myself from absolutely sob-cry-screaming at Shadow and (Keanu did a great job btw) his entire story, his joy with Maria and his pain all after. (His Super form looked fuck beautiful, a new colorful hue every time I saw it)

All in all, Robotniks were hilarious, Maria and Shadow were beautifully tragic and just generally so so SO adorable and loving. I’m so glad that Tails and Knuckles got more serious appreciation and screen time this movie as well, because as much as Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were sidelined in this movie (to put forth Robotniks and Shadow, understandably so), it still felt more fulfilling and real than in the second movie. Super forms continue to be beautiful onscreen, I would like to collapse and die from hearing ONE OK ROCK and Live and Learn.

AHEM. Now, clearly, I will be making a separate post solely about Stobotnik. Along with the multiple Stone-centric fics burning a hole in my brain and the choice and grief analyses awaiting my attention. Bear with me as I have SO MANY THOUGHTS.

We won. . . but at what cost.

My friends, my partner, you already know. We died and were promptly revived together in that theater.