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bookofjin · 3 years ago

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Descendants of Emperor Shenyuan etc.

[Brief biographies of descendants of 3rd and 4th century Tuoba rulers. From WS014.]

The Duke of Shanggu, Heluo, was a great-grandson of August Emperor Shenyuan. Earlier, he accompanied Taizu from the Dugu to go to the Helan section. He summoned and assembled the old households, and obtained 300 families. He and his younger brother Jian discussed and urged He Na to push forward Taizu as the ruler. When Taizu climbed to the rank of King, Heluo regularly sheltered left and right. He also accompanied to campaign and attack, and had great merit. Heluo was assisting in establishing plans, and specially saw superior bestowals. When he was enthroned as Emperor, he and his younger brother Jian were on the same day bestowed the feudal rank as Duke. He passed on.

His son Ti as young knew fame due to his valour and martial ability, he was bestowed the feudal rank of Duke of Xuangcheng. He accompanied the campaign against Zhangshan, and received a decree to make the rounds and send down to the various commanderies. He comforted and consoled the new cities, all were calmed and brought around to to the happy patrimony. He was advanced in feudal rank to be a King. When they struck Murong Lin at Yitai, he was hit by a flowing arrow and passed away. The Emperor, since the Prefect Grand Doctor, Yin Guang had seen it as healed, and did not exhaust his techniques, submitted him to the law.

His son Xi inherited, he was demoted in feudal rank to be Duke of Xuancheng. He passed on, and was conferred on King of Xiangcheng.

The Duke of Jiande, Yingwen, was a descendant of August Emperor Shenyuan. As young he was clear and well-spoken, and had resolute decisions. Taizong held him dear. He was in charge of sending out and accepting decrees and instructions, and often was in control of the critical and crucial. When Shizu trod the eastern steps, he designated him Colonel who Protects the Eastern Yi, and advanced him in feudal rank to Duke of Jiande, to garrison Longxi. He passed on.

The Marquis of Zhending, Lu, was a descendant of August Emperor Shenyuan. At the time of Shizu, he was, due to his martial merit, quite faced with gracious fortune. He was designated Cavalier in Regular Attendance and bestowed feudal rank of Marquis of Zhending. He passed on.

Lu's great grandson Gui, courtesy name Faji, bit by bit moved to Prefect of Luoyang. At the time Under Heaven had many affairs. Gui in particular used deep severity in handling subordinates, the deaths were many and his brutality excessive. Those understood considered him wrong. In the time of Xiaojing, when the Ye palace was created and regulated, used Gui as the envoy for laying out the structure. He was appointed Inspector of Xu province. Gui's manners and prestige were already in low regard, and he also had no learning or skill. Altough he successively had fame and rank, at the time people made light of him. He passed on in the province.

The Marquis of Wuling, Yin, was a descendant of Emperor Zhang. He accompanied Taizu to pacify the Central Plains, and due to his merits was ennobled Marquis of Quni. In the time of Shizu, changed his feudal rank to Wuling.

The King of Changle, Shoule, was a descendant of Emperor Zhang. He ranked as Master of Writing of the Selection Section and King of Nan'an. Changed his fief to King of Changle. When Gaozong acceded to the throne, Shoule had merit in assisting the instalment. He was designated Grand Steward, Great Commander-in-Chief of the Various Armies at Centre and Outside, Recording the Affairs of the Masters of Writing. He flaunted his merit, and he contended for power with the Prefect of the Masters of Writing, Zhangsun Kehou. Both submitted to the law.

The Duke of Wangdu, Tui, was a descendant of Emperor Zhao. He followed Taizu to pacify the Central Plains. He was bestowed the feudal rank of Marquis of Wangdu. Shizu, since Tui was had a pleasing and decorous appearance, someone who could be looked at advancing or halting, sent him to welcome the Brilliant Companion of the Left among the Ruanruan, and advanced his feudal rank to be a Duke. He passed on.

The Marquis of Quyang, Suyan, was a descendant of Emperor Huan. Accordingly as young he successively accompanied Taziu to campaign against and chastise the various commanderies. When first settled Bing province, he became Inspector. At the ambush of Taizu at Baisi, the Bing province defence general Feng Douzhen became disobedient. Suyan beheaded him. At the time Taizu's opinion and wishes was to console and please the new adherents, and regretted the executions of Canhe. Yet Suyan's killings and massacres were beyond extreme. He was convicted and dismissed from office.

When Zhongshan was pacified, he was designated Inspector of You province. He was wasteful, profligate and extravagantly uninhibited, and was moved left to Grand Warden of Shanggu. Later he was bestowed the feudal rank of Marquis of Quyang.

At the time Taizu kept in his heart Huang-Lao, and wished to use pure manners to reform customs. Even for the Driving Chariot's robes and carriages, he always got rid of the engraved and ornamented, and always set ahead material frugality. Yet Suyan's profligate luxuriance went beyond the standards. Taizu very much clenched his teeth about it, and stored up his excesses. Following that, he was summoned, convicted and bestowed death.

The Duke of Shunyang, Yu, was a descendant of Emperor Huan. As young he was loyal, correct, inflexible and straight. He began as Palace Gentleman of the Feathered Forest and was praised for his assiduous ability. In the time of Gaozong he ranked as Master of Writing Within the Hall. He accompanied Gaozong on the eastern tour to overlook the sea, and for his service was bestowed feudal rank as Duke of Shunyang.

When Gaozong collapsed, Yi Hun monopolized power, he separated and cut off inside from outside. The hundred officials shook in fear, they determined they had nowhere to set out. Yu led the guards and soldiers within the halls, several hundred people, to enter by way of the Shunde Gate, wishing to execute Hun. Hun was afraid, he confronted [those?] setting out, and asked Yu, saying:

What is the purpose of you Lord entering?

Yu said:

Not seeing the Son of Heaven, the crowd of subjects are anxious and afraid, and seek to see the Ruler and Sovereign.

Hun, put upon and in terror, spoke to Yu, saying:

Now the Great Agent [i.e. the late Emperor] is encoffined, and the Son of Heaven is in true privacy. For that reason he has not yet associated with the hundred officials. Why would the various commanderies be suspicious?

Thereupon he received Xianzu to preside over court. Later Hun calculated in his hear to make chaos, and the court subjects were looking sideways. Yu again planned to kill Hun, and was killed by Hun. Xianzu took note of Yu's loyalty and correctness, and retroactively conferred on him King of Shunyang, his posthumous title was Simple [jian].

The King of Yidu, Muchen, was a descendant of Emperor Huan. He began as Gentleman of the Feathered Forest, and accompanied Shizu on the southern offensive reaching the Jiang. [The text reads “Taizu” but this has to be an error.]

When Gaozong acceded to the throne, he due to his accumulated service moved to Palace Attendant and Supervisor of the Left of the Masters of Writing, ennobled Duke of Nanping. During when Yi Hun was planning chaos, Muchen discussed his wish to kill Hun with his older brother [the Duke of Shunyang] Yu. The affair leaked, and they were to be executed, Muchen escaped into hiding and managed to get away. When Xianzu passed on the throne, he had achievements in settling the strategy.

When Gaozu acceded to the throne, he moved to Minister over the Masses, and was appointed Inspector of Yong province, to garrison Chang'an. Muchen was by nature inflexible, straight, and of steadfast integrity, and did not form factions. The court subjects all together feared him. However he was fond of wealth and profit; when he was in the province, government hence was full of bribery. He committed a crime and submitted to the law. The feudal rank was abolished.

Emperor Mu's oldest son Liuxiu as young was yet fiendish and disobedient. Emperor Mu's 5th Year [312 AD], he dispatched Liuxiu to be the vanguard, he and Assistant Assessors Wei Xiong and Fan Ban, and Ji Dan and others were to rescue Liu Kun. The Emperor personally commanded the greater troops as rear support. Liu Can was afraid, set fire to and burnt his supply wagons, broke through the siege, escaped and fled. They let lose the cavalry to pursue him, and killed and wounded a considerable multitude. The Emperor following that had a great hunt at Shouyang Mountain. They exhibited and reviewed the hides and meat, the mountain was altered red. When Emperor Huai of Jin was seized by Liu Cong, Emperor Mu dispatched Liuxiu and Emperor Huan's son Pugen to lead spirited cavalry to aid Liu Kun.

Earlier, Emperor Mu's youngest son Biyan gained favour, and he wished to use him as the successor. Liuxiu set out to reside at the Xinpingcheng, and demoted his mother. Liuxiu had a superlative steed, an exceptional horse which could travel 500 li in a day. Emperor Mu wished to take it so he could give it to Biyan.

Later Liuxiu came to court. Emperor Mu again instructed him to do obeisance to Biyan. Liuxiu did not follow. Emperor Mu therefore seated Biyan to ride as himself in his walking palanquin, and sent people to guide and accompanying him setting out on a progression. Liuxiu looked and saw it, and considered it to be Emperor Mu, he paid his respects crouching on the left side of the road. When it arrived, and it was actually Biyan, he was humiliated and angry, and left. They summoned him, but he did not turn back.

Emperor Mu was angry, and led the multitudes to invade him. The Emperor's army did not profit, and Liuxiu killed Biyan. The Emperor changed clothes to travel unnoticed among the people. There was a worthless matron who recognized the Emperor, and he thereupon violently collapsed.

Pugen had previously defended against the outside, he heard of the difficulties, and led the multitudes to come attend. He attacked Liuxiu and wiped him out.

The Baron of Jiyang, Bigan, was Taizu's junior kinsman. As Minister Overseer of Guards, he chastised the Baijian Dingling and had merit. He was bestowed the feudal rank of Baron of Jiyang. Later he became Commandant Commander of the Southern Circuit and was lost in battle.

The Duke of Jiangxia, Lü, was Taizu's junior kinsman. He accompanied Shizu to pacify Liang province and had merit, he was ennobled Duke of Jiangxia, and ranked as Great Official of the Outer Capital. He was entrusted with court and government affairs, and was greatly honoured and valued. He passed on and was conferred King of Jiangxia, andan accompanying burial at Jinling.

#chinese history #ws014

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alwaysmarilynmonroe · 4 years ago

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It’s hard to believe 58 years to the day, on the night of August 4th, the world’s most famous Star would leave us all. Yes, I know a lot of you will be thinking, “wait, didn’t she die on the 5th?” – she was found in the early hours of that morning, and her death was announced then – so that is the “technical” date. However, as with many Marilyn “facts” that too is incorrect and so like every year, I will be posting this on the 4th.

I’m not going to write about all the ridiculous dramas and he said she said statements that have grown rapidly over the years, as they don’t deserve any more coverage. Whenever a major celebrity dies, the more shocking the statement, the more attention it gains, so much so that it’s almost became ingrained into society as being accepted as fact. But, I am going to have a big name and shame moment for the two main culprits – Robert Slatzer and Norman Mailer I’m looking at you both. Also Anthony Summers – you’re a piece of crap and I will never forgive you for publishing Marilyn’s autopsy photo in your toilet paper worthy biography.

Long story short as they don’t deserve any mention with Marilyn’s name – Slatzer created the whole Kennedy, Mafia and basically everything shit and defamatory written about Marilyn in the early 1970s. If you want to find out the actual truth with documented facts click HERE.

Sorry to disappoint any conspiracy lovers – Marilyn didn’t love JFK, nor did any of the Kennedy’s kill her, she died of an either accidental or intentional prescription drug overdose. Was I there? No, I wasn’t even alive, but it’s really not hard to disregard the nonsense and absurd claims, when you actually take the time to do a little (a lot in my case) of research.

Baby Norma Jeane in 1929.

Norma Jeane (left) and a friend at the Los Angeles Orphanage in 1936.

Norma Jeane at the Los Angeles Clifton Restaurant, which she attended with her then Husband Jim Doughtery in 1944.

Marilyn by Richard Miller in April 1946.

Marilyn by J.R. Eyerman in 1950.

Marilyn on her Doheny Drive Patio by Alfred Eisenstaedt in May 1953.

Marilyn in Korea visiting the Troops in February 1954.

Marilyn by Milton Greene on January 28th 1955.

Marilyn by Cecil Beaton on February 22nd 1956.

Marilyn during the filming of Some Like It Hot by Richard Miller in October 1958.

Marilyn during the filming of The Misfits by Erich Hartmann in the Autumn of 1960.

Marilyn during the filming of Something’s Got To Give by Lawrence Schiller in May 1962.

Thankfully, I was lucky and never fell down that ridiculous rabbit hole in the first place. I discovered Marilyn whilst reading an article in Vanity Fair magazine almost ten years ago, discussing the then upcoming release of, Fragments: Poems, Intimate Notes, Letters by Marilyn Monroe.

This book is truly one of a kind and is basically a published archive of many of Marilyn’s personal letters, excerpts and anecdotes she had written from 1943 until 1962. Before anyone says it’s disrespectful to publish/share these and it is an invasion of privacy, to an extent I agree. However, as stated a few moment ago, with the amount of disrespectful, outrageous nonsense that has been slurred out over the half a century since Marilyn left us – I think it’s a necessity to see her own words in print. Ironically enough, it’s almost as if Marilyn herself foreshadowed the future of the media, when she said this in an Interview to Georges Belmont for Marie Claire Magazine in April 1960.

“The true things rarely get into circulation, it’s usually the false things.”

Therefore, today I have decided to focus on Marilyn herself, not as a Star, Tragic Icon or a pretty face, but as a human who had a beautiful, sensitive soul. Some of you may already know, but for those who don’t, Marilyn actually wrote numerous poems throughout her years, mostly just for herself. In her rare moments of confidence, she would occasionally show a few to her close friend, Writer Norman Rosten, who said the following in his (must have) book, Marilyn Among Friends.

“She had the instinct and reflexes of the poet, but she lacked the control.”

“Although she gave the appearance of being so confident and self assured, she was in reality incredibly self conscious and her own biggest critic, which is heartbreaking really as she was truly gifted. She was such a perfectionist that she would spend hours preparing herself mentally and physically for her beloved fans, regularly looking in the mirror at her perceived flaws. Marilyn was infamous for her lateness, which is often viewed as diva like behaviour. However, the reality is, it’s rarely noted that her anxiety was so severe, she would break out in rashes and even vomit, before going on set.

In her final interview with LIFE Magazine, published one day before her death, she even said to Journalist Richard Meryman,

“I’m one of the world’s most self conscious people. I really have to struggle.”

I remember the first time I looked through Fragments, of course it was very upsetting to see her pain written down and think about her suffering, However, I strongly noticed this recurring theme of hope, despite some incredibly sad notes, there was always some sparkle of inner strength and I just thought that should be said. Often we ourselves don’t see are bravery and bouts of determination in our inner self, but others do and I for one am glad I can see in Marilyn what she could not.

I love you with all of my heart Marilyn, from the moment you came into my life, a decade ago in October 2010. Wherever you may be, I hope you know how much love, joy and happiness you have brought and continue to bring to many people’s lives each day. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Undated Poem.

Life – I am of both of your directions Somehow remaining hanging downward the most but strong as a cobweb in the wind – I exist more with the cold glistening frost. But my beaded rays have the colors I’ve seen in a painting – ah life they have cheated you ______________________________________________________________________________

• Undated Poem shared with Norman Rosten and published in his book, Marilyn: An Untold Story.

To the Weeping Willow

I stood beneath your limbs and you flowered and finally clung to me and when the wind struck with.. the earth and sand – you clung to me. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Undated Poem

Stones on the walk every color there is I stare down at you like a horizon – the space / the air is between us beckoning and I am many stories up my feet frightened as I grasp towards you ______________________________________________________________________________

• Undated Poem

Only parts of us will ever touch parts of others – one’s own truth is just that really – one’s own truth. We can only share the part that is within another’s knowing acceptable so one is for most part alone. As it is meant to be in evidently in nature – at best perhaps it could make our understanding seek another’s loneliness out. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Undated Poem

for life It is rather a determination not to be overwhelmed.

for work The truth can only be recalled, never invented ______________________________________________________________________________

• “Record” Black Notebook – Written in throughout 1951.

What I do believe in What is truth I believe in myself even my most delicate intangible feelings in the end everything is intangible my most precious liquid must never spill don’t spill your precious liquid life force they are all my feelings no matter what ______________________________________________________________________________

• “Record” Black Notebook – Written in throughout 1951. Fear of giving me the lines new maybe won’t be able to learn them maybe I’ll make mistakes people will either think I’m no good or laugh or belittle me or think I can’t act. Women looked stern and critical – unfriendly and cold in general afraid director won’t think I’m any good. remembering when I couldn’t do a god damn thing. then trying to build myself up with the fact that I have done things right that were even good and have had moments that were excellent but the bad is heavier to carry around and feel have no confidence depressed mad ______________________________________________________________________________

• Other “Record” Notebook – Written in throughout 1955.

I do know ways people act unconventionally – mainly myself – do not be afraid of my sensitivity or to use it – for I can & will channel it + crazy thoughts too I want to do my scene or exercises (idiotic as they may seem) as sincerely as I can knowing and showing how I know it is also – no matter – what they might think – or judge from it ______________________________________________________________________________

• Other “Record” Notebook – Written in throughout 1955.

I can and will help myself and work on things analytically no matter how painful – if I forget things (the unconscious wants to forget – I will only try to remember) Discipline – Concentration

my body is my body every part of it. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Other “Record” Notebook – Written in throughout 1955.

feel what I feel within myself – that is trying to become aware of it also what I feel in others not being ashamed of my feeling, thoughts – or ideas

realize the thing that they are – ______________________________________________________________________________

• Waldorf Astoria Stationery – Written in throughout 1955.

Sad, sweet trees – I wish for you – rest but you must be wakeful ______________________________________________________________________________

• Waldorf Astoria Stationery – Written in throughout 1955.

Not a scared lonely little girl anymore

Remember you can sit on top of the world (it doesn’t feel like it.) You can have any help you want personally – or in your work – or anything else you want – There are technical ways to go about it or problems – figure out if anything tec. can be done about it because there are people to help you – gladly – you more than most they want to help Remember there is nothing you lack – nothing to be self conscious about yourself – you have everything but the discipline and technique which you are learning & seeking on your own – after all nothing was or is being given to you �� you have had none of this work thrown your way you sought it – it didn’t seek you

Too much talent Too much ability and and much too much sensitivity to invert yourself out of fear – not come to class – or to do things like being afraid to come to class or to get up. ______________________________________________________________________________

• “Italian Agenda” Notebook – Written throughout 1955 or 1956.

and the more I think of it the more I realize there are no answers life is to be lived

and since it is comparatively so short – (maybe too short – maybe too long – the only thing I know for sure, it isn’t easy

now that I want to live and I feel suddenly not old not concerned about previous thing except to protect myself – my life – and to desperately (pray) tell the universe I trust it ______________________________________________________________________________

• Parkside House Stationery – Written during her stay in England between July 14th – November 20th 1956.

I guess I have always been deeply terrified to really be someone’s wife since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Roxbury Notes – Written throughout 1957 or 1958.

In every spring the green is too sharp – though the delicacy in their form is sweet and uncertain – it puts up a good struggle in the wind trembling all the while. Those leaves will relax, expand in the sun and each raindrop they will resist even when they’re battered and ripped. I think I am very lonely – my mind jumps. I see myself in the mirror now, brow furrowed – if I lean close I’ll see – what I don’t want to know – tension, sadness, disappointment, my eyes dulled, cheeks flushed with capillaries that look like rivers on maps – hair lying like snakes. The mouth makes me the saddest next to my dead eyes. There is a dark line between the lips in the outline of several waves in a turbulent storm – it says don’t kiss me, don’t fool me I’m a dancer who cannot dance. ______________________________________________________________________________

• Roxbury Notes – Written throughout 1957 or 1958.

re – relationships

Everyone’s childhood plays itself out No wonder no one knows the other or can completely understand. By this I don’t know if I’, just giving up with this conclusion or resigning myself – or maybe for the first time connecting with reality –

how do we know the pain of another’s earlier years let alone all that he drags with him since along the way at best a lot of lee-way is needed for the other – yet how much is unhealthy for one to bear.

I think to love bravely is the best and accept – as much as one can bear. ______________________________________________________________________________

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58 Years Without Marilyn. It's hard to believe 58 years to the day, on the night of August 4th, the world's most famous Star would leave us all.

#1940s #1950s #1960s #angel #blonde bombshell #classic hollywood #icon #legend #marilyn monroe #norma jeane #norma jeane baker #old hollywood #retro

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crying-gay-tears · 5 years ago

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Brighter Than the Sun

A freshman in college AU!

Chapter 1: New Places, New Faces

August 25th. Today was the day. Gon had been waiting for this day for years, and the anticipation only intensified when he received his acceptance letter in the mail a few months ago. After a teary goodbye with Aunt Mito, he was finally off on his own and starting college. Whale Island wasn’t that far from York New City, though Mito fervently disagreed--”Not that far?! It’s a boat, train, and bus ride away!”-- Either way, Gon had arrived safely, and as promised, he texted her to let her know. The entrance to the campus was a large iron gate, and a statue of a catbear stared down at him.as he crossed the threshold of his father’s alma mater.

Ging had walked these same grounds decades before and went on to become a world renowned Archaeologist. His career was demanding and exciting, so much so that it kept him abroad most of the time. It became Gon’s dream from a very early age to follow in his father’s impossibly large footsteps, traveling the world exploring and discovering artifacts and lost civilizations. It had to be amazing if it was worth missing out on so much of his son’s life.

Suitcase in tow, he climbed the stairs leading to the administration building two at a time, and eagerly tugged on the large oak doors. Once inside, he noticed a small line forming across the lobby. A banner reading ‘Freshman Check In�� was hung above a long table on the back wall. He joined the line and waited, shifting from foot to foot as excitement coursed through him. When it was his turn to step up to the table, a petite woman with blonde pigtails came into view. She smiled warmly at him as he approached.

“Hello! Welcome to York New University! What’s your first and last name?”

“Hello, thank you! My name is Gon Freecss.”

She sifted through some folders lined up neatly in front of her before pulling one out of a stack and handing it to him.

“This packet has your room number and key in it, as well as a brochure of course options. You’ll want to select your classes and build your schedule online as soon as possible. You’re in Hunter dorm located just North of the library. Follow the brick walkway through the courtyard and you can’t miss it. Best of luck and welcome to YNU!”

Before he could say anything more, the next student in line was being motioned forward, so he turned and headed out the door and to his dorm. Grass and trees decorated the space between buildings, and the walkways were buzzing with students. The biggest and oldest looking building he passed had a cool tower on the side of it. He wondered what it was, and couldn’t wait to find out!

After a while he arrived at a large, multi story brick building. Gold lettering over the entrance read ‘Hunter Dormitory’. With a deep breath, he headed inside. His room number was 405A, so he boarded the elevator, and pressed the button for the 4th floor. It let him out on the top level of the building and into a long hallway. He passed room 400, then 401, 402, 403, 404, and finally, at the very end of the hallway, 405.

The front door opened to a common room with a couch, mini fridge, a tv, and a coffee table. On the far wall there was a door to the right labeled ‘A’ and one to the left labeled ‘B’ His room was pretty standard, just four white walls with a bed, desk, and dresser. It looked so plain and boring, he couldn't wait to make the space his own. He had to remember to thank Mito for reminding him to pack some decorations. There was a window by the bed overlooking a courtyard, and on the left wall was the door to the bathroom. When he stepped into the shared bathroom, he saw another door on the wall opposite his. Curious, he turned the knob and peeked inside. It opened to a room that was identical to his own. His roommate must not have arrived yet, as the room was still empty. Disappointed, he closed the door with a click.

He returned to his room and flopped onto the bed. His mind was racing, imagining what his roommate would be like, what his classes and professors would be like, what friends he would make and what clubs he would join. This had all been just a dream for so long, and now he was, finally living it. His phone buzzed in his pocket, letting him know that it was 12:45. Oh! He almost forgot! He stood in a flash, slung his backpack over his shoulder, and skipped out the door for freshman orientation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killua was not very excited about being forced to attend a freshman orientation. Wasn’t the whole point of college to get away from people telling him what to do? Nevertheless, here he was, making his way to the small group forming under a large oak tree in the center of the campus’s main courtyard. As he approached them he noticed a tall man standing in the center of everyone and motioning for people to move as he called out.

“Please gather around me so everyone can hear!” The man was wearing white slacks, and his dark hair was shaped into a large pompadour. When the group was settled, he spoke again. “Hello everyone, and welcome to York New University! My name’s Knuckle Bine, I’m a junior here and the RA of Hunter dorm! I’ll be your guide around campus today. It’s my job to help you guys get acclimated to your new environment, and to teach you the in’s and out’s of life here at YNU!”

His eyes scanned the group from one end to the other, a smile on his lips. “To start, I’d like to break the ice here with an introduction game! We’ll go around the circle and introduce ourselves. When it’s your turn, tell us your name, your major if you’ve chosen one, something about yourself, and a reason you’re here at the University! I’ll go first. I’m Knuckle and my major is Pre-Veterinary Medicine. Something about myself is that I love animals! I came to college to make a career for myself that helps them!” His smile was warm as he turned to the person to his left with expectant eyes. “Now, your turn!”

Killua did his best to focus on the petite girl who was now speaking--shit, what did she say her name was? Ponzu?--but his mind was busy rushing to think of the right thing to say for when it was his turn to speak.They were a group of complete strangers, standing together in the grass, and they were really expected to just… introduce themselves? With such weird and arbitrary questions? What was he supposed to say? This was not how he wanted to start meeting new people once he finally got away to college.

Alright, name was easy, major was undecided so also pretty easy, if a little embarrassing. What was next? Something about himself? What? That was such a broad thing to ask! And he only had a few more people before his turn. And shit! He had not been paying attention. He glanced up to see where the next person speaking was. Okay, he had about 6 more people before it was his turn. His eyes fell on the next person, a boy about his height with black spiky hair and bright, round colored eyes the color of honey.

“Hello!” he waved cheerily around the semi circle, a bright smile on his face. “My name is Gon Freecss. I’m not exactly sure of my major just yet, but I’m thinking about Environmental Biology or maybe Anthropology. I’m from Whale Island and I love hiking and exploring. I’m here because this is my life’s next adventure and I’m excited to learn and make some new friends!”

Killua thought this guy was a little overzealous, but he seemed nice enough. He was wearing green shorts and a cream tank top that revealed tan, muscular limbs. His gaze roamed up the boy’s body, noticing broad shoulders, a strong jaw, full lips, and then, those eyes…eyes that were now staring right back at him. Crap. He quickly turned his head away, a blush creeping across his cheeks. Welp. That was awkward. Oh shit, now there were only 2 more people before him. When it was finally his turn, he spoke quickly and avoided eye contact.

“I’m Killua. I’m undecided and I’m here because I graduated high school and this was the next step. I guess something about me is that I like to skateboard.” He felt a rush of relief as the next person started speaking, and focused intensely on the rest of the people as they spoke so his eyes wouldn’t wander back to that boy--Gon--again.

A few people later, and Knuckle was the one speaking. “Alright! That’s everyone. Now that we’re all acquainted, we can begin the campus tour! Follow behind me closely, and feel free to ask any questions you may have along the way!” With a bright smile, he turned on his heel and walked across the lawn.

The tour was relatively uneventful, Killua was pretty bored most of the time. Hadn’t these people done a campus tour? His mother barely let him attend a college so far away, let alone without touring it first. The only thing keeping him occupied was occasional glimpses at Gon’s facial expressions. He was very easily amused and his face lit up with each new place they entered. Killua had never seen someone so happy and energetic before. It was almost tiring to watch, but he found himself looking up at the boy frequently. They walked through some of the classrooms, followed by the main campus administration building, a few of the degree program offices, the campus gym, and finally the cafeteria.

“Okay guys, we’ve got one stop left, but first, we’re going to break for lunch! I like to eat my lunch on the green,” he motioned to the expansive lawn they were standing on, “but you’re welcome to eat inside as well. Just make sure you meet back here in 45 minutes!”

With that, the group dispersed. Killua, deciding he wasn’t hungry enough to venture into the cafeteria, sat down under a shady tree. He was scrolling mindlessly on his phone when he heard soft footsteps in the grass next to him. He glanced up to see who it was and his breath caught in his throat. Golden eyes were staring down at him, accompanied by an ear to ear smile.

“This seat taken?”

“Uh, no?” Killua watched as Gon crossed his legs and plopped down in the grass next to him.

“You don’t have any food, aren’t you hungry?” Gon asked, voice tinged with concern.

“Oh, I guess I just didn’t feel like dealing with the cafeteria line.”

Gon immediately began rifling through his backpack. He pulled out a sandwich, an apple, and a bottle of water. “Here, have some of my lunch!” He passed the apple to Killua, and offered him half of the sandwich as well.

“No thank you, I couldn’t take your lunch from you.”

“You’re not taking it from me, I’m sharing it with you! C’mon, at least have the apple.”

He wanted to argue, but Gon’s smile was almost a pout and his eyes were burning into him, so he quickly grabbed the apple and took a bite. Gon grinned in response and took a bite of his sandwich.

“So, your name is Killua? I’m Gon! It’s nice to meet you!”

Killua swallowed hard and ignored how his stomach flipped when Gon said his name.

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.” The two sat in comfortable silence for a bit, eating and watching the activity on the lawn around them. Gon was the first to speak.

“So, are you from York New City?”

Killua shook his head. “My family lives on a compound in the Kukuru Mountains, a few hours North of here.”

“Oh yeah? That’s so cool! My Aunt Mito and I went on a hiking trip there a few years ago. The forest at the base of the mountains is beautiful!”

Killua raised an eyebrow. “The forest is also pretty dangerous, y’know.”

Gon chuckled. “Don’t worry, I basically grew up in nature, my survival skills are pretty good. Not that Mito would’ve let me hike off trail or as far as I wanted to anyway.”

“You said you’re from Whale Island, what’s it like there?”

“Whale Island is beautiful. The forest there is lush and the wildlife is diverse. I spent all of my free time outside exploring alone, learning every inch of the island.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah, there weren’t many kids my age. It’s a small port town; so a great deal of the population there is people in town for business for a few weeks or months at a time. The locals are mostly older folks. There were only a few families around when I was growing up, but they all had girls. I made friends with them just fine, and with the kids that would move in and out of town. But I never really had solid friends, and never a best friend.”

Killua nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I never had any real friends either. No one I could trust or that I actually enjoyed spending time with. I got to know the kids that my parents’ business partners would regularly bring to parties, and I knew some kids at boarding school too; but most of them were boring or snobby or both. So I was alone a lot.” Killua’s gaze shifted down, his fingers nervously raked through the grass. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly spilling his guts to a stranger, but something about Gon being so open made him want to open up as well. He could feel Gon staring at him, and when he looked up he was met with a pair of warm golden eyes, and an understanding smile. That smile made his stomach flip...again.

“Killua?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to be friends?”

”I--w-what?” he stammered, eyes wide with surprise.

Gon didn’t waiver, his smile only grew wider. “I think you’re really cool, and I’d like to be your friend! Would you like to be mine too?”

“Uh, s-sure. Yeah, we can be friends.” he rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to calm his embarrassment along with the excitement bubbling up inside of him.

Gon was positively beaming. “I’m so glad! This is gonna be great!”

Gon’s excitement was contagious, and Killua couldn’t help but smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~

For the rest of their lunch break, the two talked and laughed. They were really hitting it off, and Gon was so happy to have made such a cool new friend. Killua even promised to teach him how to skateboard if he taught him how to fish! Before they knew it, Knuckle was clapping his hands and waving for everyone’s attention.

“Okay folks, it looks like everyone’s finished eating, so it’s time to finish our tour!” He pointed to the large building behind them and motioned for them to follow. They all stood and headed across the lawn towards a large brick building with a marble staircase on either side of the double door entrance. It was the building with the tower Gon noticed earlier.

Knuckle led the group up the stairs and inside. When he spoke next, it was in a hushed tone. “Everyone, welcome to the library! This is the biggest building on campus, and where you will probably spend most of your time.The best way to learn this place is to explore it yourself, and since this is the last stop, feel free to stay as long as you like.You’re also free to go whenever you’d like. I’ll be around for a bit if you have any questions or want to chat. I hope you enjoyed the tour today and again, welcome to NYU!!” He ended with a bright smile, and the group began to disperse.

After a chat with Knuckle, Gon headed straight for the elevator to explore each floor. He asked Killua to join him, but he declined saying he had some stuff to do, so they exchanged numbers and went their separate ways. By the time he finished in the library, it was well after 5. He stopped at the cafeteria for a quick bite to eat and then headed back to his room.

He was unpacking when he heard shuffling in the other bedroom. His roommate must be home! He headed out to the common room and knocked on the other door. Gon heard some more shuffling before the door swung open to reveal a familiar face. He stared in surprise and ocean blue eyes stared right back through a frame of silver hair.

#killugon #gonkillu #gon #killua #gon freecss #killua zoldyck #hunter x hunter #hxh #hunterxhunter #killugon week 2020 #killugon week #killuhonweek2020 #killugonweek

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illegalastrology111 · 5 years ago

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KARMA FILES: XOXO 2020

ARIES

The Full Moon/Super Moon on April 7th, will most likely end a personal relationship that had potential to be longstanding. If some type of agreement for change can’t be reached between you and your significant other, it’s best to part company and move on.

When Mars enters your sign for a long cycle, June 29th - November 14th, you won’t be in your most diplomatic, harmonious or banned frame of mind, especially when Mars retrogrades, September 9th - November 14th. If you’re not able to think before you speak, there will be “fireworks” . It won’t be easy to be selfless. Therefore, keep your temper on an even keel and listen first before taking action or saying anything. At least, you should be able to preserve relationships that matter.

Venus, the planet of love, moves into Gemini (communication), April 4th - August 8th, during which time there’s a likelihood of “head-games” being played int he area of love, which won’t end well, especially when Venus retrogrades, May 13h - June 25th. Tact, tolerance and understanding won’t be easy, plus the fact thoughtless words spoken in the past could come back to haunt you.

Mercury retrogrades in Scorpio, October 14th - October 28th, indicating past intimate relationships could reappear, but not for the best. it would be wise to stay clear of this altogether, because the intent will not be in your best interests. In addition, the desire to “wander and explore” sexually will be strong. Caution is advised if this is acted upon. Outcomes will be very different from expected, most likely detrimental and probably create more karma in this area of life. Avoid getting involved in other people’s relationships completely.

Mercury will retrograde all the way back into Libra, October 29th - November 2nd, an indication past relationships will return temporarily. Unless a major change has occurred with the person/s in question, anything from the past should be dealt with very carefully, exercising discernment.

Love in 2020 for Aries will be “mine-field” of potential “blow-ups” if caution isn’t used. Therefore, putting one foot in front of the other with calm and balance, will be the best way to have a successful year of positive, harmonious love relationships.

KARMA FILE:

You carry a karma from the past, in which you found it difficult to express emotions in the area of love, through words or actions, which then manifested in a psychosomatic manner. As a result, now, especially in 2020 you must find a way to express your emotions in a healthy way that doesn’t have negative repercussions to you or the person you love. This also applies to feelings of guilt. Guilt must not be projected onto your significant other, or even harbored internally. Perhaps, by finding a way to write thoughts/feelings down first, you can then heal the karma of the past. Most of all be careful of attracting people into your life that magnify or exacerbate this karma..

TAURUS

The March 9th, Full Moon/Super Moon in Virgo, greatly affects love and how you interact with your partner. If you’ve been feeling that somehow your needs are not being served and you haven’t discussed this with your significant other, the stars are not aligned for the relationship to continue in the same format.

Mercury enters Scorpio September 28th - October 28th, then again, November 11th - December 2nd. In-between these dates there is a retrograde in Scorpio, October 14th - 28th. This is the time to be most careful, because the aspect affects long-term love. There is no room for undermining, secrets or jealousy, because once the transit is in forward motion, everything hidden will begin to be exposed.

The Universal planetary nodes of the Moon will also be changing May 6th - January 19th 2022. Even though the aspect affects everyone on a broad scale, individuals will still feel it. Communication, truth, justice. learning, expansion of consciousness are character traits are going to be of importance, the transit falls in your house of intimate relationships, the past and karma. Once the cycle begins, or even close to it, the emphasis will focus on being honest, straightforward and verbal clarity. You have to be wiling to lay the foundation of love that makes both you and your partner happy. This means having the courage to speak up and decide what type of relationship you both want and a commitment you can both agree on.

The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius on December 14th, should, if you’ve been on a positive relationship path, open the door for new close intimate partnerships, that will be eep and more fulfilling than anything you’ve yet to experience.

Love relationships can work if both people involved are able to agree on what it’s going to be, then problems and unnecessary upset will be avoided. in 2020 and the future.

KARMA FILE

The karma you’ll be facing in 2020, stems from lifetimes in ancient Rome during the Christian era, in which you carried both beauty and/or wealth. In these lifetimes you viewed and mocked the struggles of others in various scenarios, that brought great physical and emotional pain to the participants. In this lifetime, as a result of these experiences, those that enter your life in the area of love may have some “disability”, in mind, body or spirit, which you must not look down upon, otherwise they may do the same to you being your back or openly. Therefore, be careful of entering into a love-relationship without knowing the full details of the other person, then you can decide if it’s something you wish to participate in or not. This way you won’t feel that you’re being misled, used /manipulated negatively in any way shape or form. Accept others for who and what they are, because everyone has faults.

GEMINI

The Full Moon/Super Moon in Libra, April 7th, will be in your house of long-term love, an indication that how you love will change and perhaps even partners. This wile a time to let of of everything that you’r not happy with, having the confidence to let your partner know, then hopefully try to bring resolution.

With Jupiter in Capricorn until December 20th, karma in the area of intimate relationships will come to the forefront for your attention. This will place an even greater emphasis, with the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Capricorn, July 5th. This will be the tie to lay down the law and a new foundation to support growth and stability between you and your partner, even though this could be uncomfortable in many ways. Pluto remains in Capricorn until January 22nd 2024, and retrogrades April 25th - October 4th. Saturn is in Capricorn unto March 23rd, when it moves into Aquarius briefly, then return to Capricorn, July 2nd December 17th. Al this major Capricorn activity is a sign from the Universe, urging youth “clean house”, getting rid of lingering karma with people you’ve outgrown or who just don’t have your best interests at heart. This means you may have to repeat certain situations again in order to be clear about what they are, confront and then remove them from your life.

Venus in your sign, April 4th - August 8th, highlights self-worth with your ideas, perceptions and communication of them to others. However, when Venus retrogrades, May 13th - June 25th, you’ll have to rely on Self, if and when no-one is interested in what you have to say or even understands. Your perception of love could be misunderstood and cause friction. Writing things down will prove to be beneficial during this cycle, at least putting pen to paper fist will provide the clarity/understanding needed before you convey your thoughts. Throughout Venus retrograde in Gemini, be careful of circular thinking that get you nowhere except more confused.

When the Universal Nodes of the Moon switch to Sagittarius and Gemini, you’ll feel a strong urge to be forthright with others and the truth be known - at least your version of it. Courage, self-worth and confidence will be needed, which can only come from introspection on a deep level, to strengthen self-awareness. The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius, December 14th, ushers in a new beginning of long-term love, that will have all the component parts for growth. It may even bring people from other cultures into your life, so you can have different experience and broaden your love horizons.

2020 love can be one of working harder to create relationships that are fairly based on mutual understanding of growth and honesty.

KARMA FILE

In previous incarnations in the area of love you were always very generous to your significant other. However you carry the karma of giving material things, personal possessions to your partner but being very judgmental about their conduct, criticizing, finding fault. The result of doing this creates self-doubt, self-worth and lack of confidence, within your partner, which leads to later conflict. In 2020 you must try to overcome this karma and be more sensitive to their feelings, bearing in mind that ‘as you give out, so you receive” will manifest in other areas of life too., with people treating you the same way.

CANCER

Capricorn rules your house of long-term partnerships, therefore with so many astrology aspects in this house, namely, Pluto,Saturn and Jupiter, in addition to the New Moon Solar Eclipse, July 5th, this area of life will not be the same by the end of the year, major changes are in the stars. Saturn briefly moves into Aquarius, March 23rd - July 1st, during which time it’ll important to establish more independence when it comes to intimate relationships, the karma being, the tendency to be too dependent and/or smothering. Learning to be your own person in the context of a relationship will be of importance. Saturn moves back into Capricorn for the last time, July 2nd - December 17th, activating karma that keeps love stagnant, unable to grow or move forward. Whatever underlying problems still remain, now will be the time to confront them once and for all. Especially, issues concerning the foundation and strength of the relationship overall. Commitments will have to be changed or at least given serious re- consideration, taking responsibility for what you want/don’t want. Saturn moves permanently into Aquarius, December 18th - March 8th 2023 also joining Jupiter in Aquarius,. A time of perhaps being single or at least with more time for Self, will be more of an issue with Jupiter with Saturn in Aquarius, The question, how do you become a friend and lover will be of importance.

Pluto stays in Capricorn until January 22nd 2024. highlighting fear, insecurity and doubts that you keep to yourself but aren’t positive attributes for a successful love relationship. Whatever the fears are let them go and learn to deal with the rough and smooth cycles of love. This will be especially true when Pluto retrogrades April 25th - October 4th, during then you’ll be confronted with those fears as a result of “upheavals” that take place. At the same time, if single this retrograde is not a good cycle to start a new love relationship, because most likely something will be hidden from you that isn’t in your best interests.

Past lovers could also return when Mercury retrogrades in Aquarius, March 5th - March 10th.

While Mercury is in Scorpio September 20th - December 1st, the possibility of jealousy, intense emotions and jealousy are likely, in particular the retrograde cycle of Scorpio, October 14th - 28th. Staying alert and aware will circumvent negative scenarios occurring that would be hard to resolve.

2020 will be a challenging year for Cancer and love, but with a strong desire to overcome lingering karma and create the best possible love relationship, outcomes will be positive.

KARMA FILE

In several previous incarnations, you chose to not use your instincts when it came to love, seeing the person of your affection in their true colors, because of this you experienced great pain and sorrow, when you discovered who they really were and their true i intent towards you. This year, you’ll be faced with this karma again and must therefore be careful of giving people qualities they don’t have, seeing what you want to see, hearing what you want to hear. Trust your instincts, as much as you maybe attracted to someone. This will empower you with the ability to avoid creating more karma of this type, in love and unnecessary hurt.

LEO

The activity in the house of permanent love is emphasized with Saturn moving into Aquarius March 23rd - July 1st, briefly. During this cycle, you’ll be in the position to decide whether you want a permanent love relationship, a relationship that involves seeing other people or no relationship at all. Saturn is in this house to teach you about love and happiness. What does that mean to you? Saturn moves back in to Capricorn, July 2nd - December 17th, into your house of work, health, service to Self and others. Another question, can you make time out of y9our busy schedule for love?

Neptune in Pisces, affects your house of karma, the past and intimate love, indicating that you have a “blind-spot” in this area of life. You must learn there are “consequences” for a person’s actions, if they’re not in harmony with Natural Law and cause hurt, pain and sorrow, without regard. Learning to follow the Golden Rule, treating others in the way you wish to be treated. When Neptune retrogrades, June 23rd - November 28th, how you treat others will be a very major factor of which to be aware. Plus, things that are hidden may well be revealed, for better or worse. Neptune will be in Pisces until March 31st 2025.

The new Moon Solar Eclipse, December 14th, denotes a new cycle of change in the area of love/happiness, Opportunities could present themselves that have significant affect on current love-relationships and ones in the future. If you’re willing to take a risk and initiate significant changes in job/home, these changes could have positive affect on love.

2020 is a year of allowing the Universe to guide you forward, paying attention to how you treat others. Ultimately, in the long-run you’ll discover that Cause and Affect are real and we all reap what we sew, sooner or later. Therefore, being mindful of this fact will spare you a lot of difficulties/problems laying the foundation for positive outcomes in personal relationships.

KARMA FILE

During 2020, tread carefully in the area of love and how you treat your partner/s. You have come into this life disbelieving there is Cause and Affect, in that a person’s actions have consequences. If you find yourself in situations this year, when love doesn’t seem to be going quite as you expected positively, stop for a second to give thought to past actions. The Universe has all the time in the world to put things in balance, when, where and how, are questions that can only be answered when karma manifests itself. Ego will always step in the way of consideration of another’s feelings, but to do this will only make it harder for healing of the karma to happen. Therefore, throughout the year, practice the Golden Rule, especially in love-relationships, so that healing of past karma can take place.

VIRGO

In the house of love, Pluto, Saturn and Jupiter all reside in the 5th house at the same time, in the sign of Capricorn. Pluto, highlights all the fear, insecurity, doubt and past issues that are in the way of love being successful and positive. Saturn is about stagnation, commitment, structures that no longer serve a positive purpose. Jupiter is the magnifying glass that shines a light on everything that is good/bad in love and in particular from childhood, because the house with all this activity is the house of childhood, happiness, love, risk and creativity. Jupiter being in this house adds a layer of protection to everything the house represents at this time. Jupiter is the protector of the Zodiac.

As all these points are converging in this house you have to possess a certain amount of self-awareness to be able to be introspective enough to notice when the Universe is confronting you with issues that need your attention. Issues that you’ve outgrown and no longer support a positive love relationship. The Universe requires that you become more of your own person and let go of the “child” that still aligns itself with that particular time-frame, has yet to move forward into the here and now. Have toe confidence to create “rules” that are in alignment with relationships that make you and your partner happy, not the rules of others.

Saturn retrogrades, July 2nd - December 17th for the last time before it moves into Aquarius permanently. Pluto retrograde April 25th - October 4th, Jupiter retrogrades may 14th - September 12th. Throughout these cycles all the above issues will be in the forefront for you to confront, so don’t be surprised if you feel overwhelmed with feelings that are memories of the past, good/not so good. The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Capricorn July 5th will bring a revelations and opportunity to really embark upon a new path of love /commitment with your partner, which, if mutually agreeable will bring positive results by the end of the year.

Neptune is in Pisces until March 31st 2025, in your house of long-term love. This is a blind-spot area to be aware of. You must be able to take-off the “rose-colored” glasses to see clearly the needs of your partner and avoid assuming things that are not real or true, which can cause conflict and unnecessary criticism. At the same time being wiling to do the “work” necessary for love to continually grow/evolve. Most of all, by applying an element of spiritually to love relationships, you’ll bring in a higher vibration of protection and union for the two of you.

When Neptune retrogrades, June 23rd - November 28th, all the above issues will be more in focus for you to deal with. Meditation or similar modalities will help to uncover and discern what you need to learn and understand. Neptune is the ruler of Pisces, the sign that it’s in at this time. Pisces rules spirituality, so this is the key to obtaining the information needed to bring immense happiness into your love-life.

2020 is na year of letting go, growing up, realizing you have your own life to live with enough awareness to learn from the past, and your mistakes, using them as “stepping-stones” to achieve your hearts desire.

KARMA FILE

You may or may not think it possible, but there is usually an answer for many of life’s problems and such is the case this year in the area of love. In previous lives, there was an intolerance towards others who were different in some capacity and as a result, whether it was obvious or not, caused pain and sorrow. Now, you ‘re faced with people being intolerant/insensitive toward you and your needs. It may seem that, regardless of how hard you try, or seem to be trying to be kind and tolerant, the same is rarely given to you, especially in love, where you need acceptance the most, or it is given but you feel it just isn’t enough. Positive affirmation is the key. If you repeat to Self before going to bed at night and during meditation that you’re a good, kind loving human being who will reach out to help others in need and deserves love in your life, with someone who has your best interests at heart, these affirmations will affect positive healing and change internally/externally.

LIBRA

Saturn moves into your house of love March 23rd - July 1st. for a brief stay, before it moves back into Capricorn for the last time, July 2nd - December 18th. While Saturn is in your house of love, happiness and risk, frustrations and anxiety over wanting love, security, rest, freedom and excitement, could cause erratic behavior that isn’t well thought through. Saturn will keep you stable secure and centered, holding you back from going off on tangents with certain individuals, as much as this may seem tempting. The task that Saturn brings is to build a solid, formidable structure for love and avenues of expression that bring happiness. Nothing less will do. If you try to “cut corners” Saturn will bring in Cause and Affect very quickly, so that the “lesson” is learned.

In addition, you may become aware of small faults/weaknesses that need to be strengthened, that are not favorable for a successful love relationship. Love that doesn’t have some type of commitment/structure will be problematic. It’s irrelevant what the commitment turns out to be, as long as you and your partner both agree. Lessons from past relationships that need to be confronted will also come to the forefront, in order for an understanding of what/who makes you happy, to be established. Self-image will also become an issue, but has to be addressed from within on a deep level. At the same time a parent may experience health issues, most likely the father, while Saturn is in Aquarius, so be prepared for visits home, love and childhood memories coming to the surface.

Personal growth and well-being, although not necessarily attributed to love will need to be looked. Diet, health, taking caef of Self, dental issues (Saturn), will all be at the top of the attention list, in order for you to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Jupiter will move into Aquarius, December 2020 - May14th 2021, during which time there’l be plenty of new lovers wanting your attention. As Jupiter is a magnifying glass, weaknesses in this area of life will be very obvious and need to be looked at.

Mercury retrogrades in Aquarius, very briefly, March 5th - 10th, a transit which could bring unexpected contact from a former lover. However, here today, gone tomorrow, their stay will be even briefer and would make better friends than lovers.

With Mars being in Aries and your house of long-term love, June 29th - January 7th 2021, it will seem as if nothing goes right in this area of life, especially when Mars retrogrades in Aries, September 9th - November 13th. It’s not wise to begin (Aries), any new relationships of meaning during this particular retrograde a lot of conflict will be the outcome.

Mercury retrograde in your sign, October 29th - November 2nd, therefore communication will be at its worst, unfortunately. Better to say little or nothing, rather than risk unnecessary disruption that could be irreparable.

With Uranus in your house of intimate love, until July 2025, the Universe will be bringing lessons of learning how to be an individual in the context of a sexual relationship. Deep intense relationships may start suddenly, then leave just as quickly, which maybe upsetting, but the Universe is sending a “message” to choose carefully who you want to be intimate with.

Overall, for Libra 2020 is gong to be a year of challenges with relationships and Self, realizing that love isn’t a romance novel, it takes hard work, commitment, respect and self-worth, for happiness to be attained.

KARMA FILE

Realize this year, that many of the loves you’ve experienced, you’ve known before in some capacity. Interaction with these individuals wasn’t/isn’t always necessary for long periods off time, but merely for healing to occur of certain karmas. In 2020 when you come into contact with new people you feel affinity or attraction, give thought to the “lesson” that needs to be learned. If you ignore this fact, the karma will increase and prove to make partnerships with another harder than it needs to be. If you can also develop greater inner strength and fortitude to meet life’s challenges overall, dealing with love karma won’t seem to be such a daunting task. Great happiness can and will be the result of overcoming the past.

SCORPIO

Neptune in Pisces, February 12th 2012 - March 31st 2025, stays in your house of love, happiness, creativity childhood and risk throughout the entire cycle. The purpose of this transit is to help you open your eyes when it comes to love-relationships, so that you’re clearly aware of whom you’re getting involved with. This clarity will be the motivating factor to stop giving people qualities they don’t have, or seeing what you want to see or hear. Delusion in love has led to many disappointments, when you come to the realization that the person you’re with doesn’t fulfill expectations. The reality being, maybe they can’t. You have to be able to see this too.

If you live in a fantasy world of how love should be that isn’t even close to the har truth of what is actually going on, you set yourself up for tremendous heartbreak. Plus being a Scorpio, you would most likely blame the other person for the downfall of the relationship and harbor resentment, without looking at Self for the answers. It won’t be easy to learn this lesson, but you have quite some time to give it a try.

The time of the year to be on guard is when Neptune retrogrades, June 23rd - November 28th. This is when you’ll be at your most vulnerable and likely to slip up. Not a great time to start a love-relationship or take risks even with an exiting one because it won’t be based in reality. Instead, just go with the flow and don’t make any promises that could be broken later.

Uranus is in Taurus, March 7th 2019 - July 7th 2025, resting in your house of long-term love. During this transit new potential love interests will come and go just as quickly, but your love-life certainly won’t be boring. Beware of impulsive urges to explore, because these urges could create a lot of problems that would be hard to resolve. If you’re in an existing long-term relationship, it will be “tested” by the Universe to see if you appreciate its worth/value and whether the foundation is strong to remain in place during turbulent times. You’ll probably have to redefine the boundaries and freedoms of the relationship to avoid misunderstandings. The most difficult time will be during the retrograde, August 25th - January 14th 2020. Communication will be an important factor, in order for both you and your partner to be on the same page.

Finally, when the Nodes of the Moon switch to North Node in Gemini, South Node in Sagittarius, May 6th - January 19th 2022, the highlight will be on understanding and communicating your needs with your significant other and not hiding things that should be shared and made known., especially when it comes to intimate relationships. If you’re going to be involved with someone on an intimate level, it’s important that you make your intent very clear. Because this particular aspect falls in your house of karma and the past, therefore, in order to avoid creating more karma in this area of life, it’s wise to be honest (Sagittarius), allowing the other person to decide what they want to do.

Venus will also be in this house, April 4th - August 8th, motivating you to think you understand what a person wants intimately, without necessarily asking for there input and then wondering why everything falls apart quickly. Even more of an issue when Venus retrogrades in Gemini, May 13th - June 25th.

Mercury retrograde in Pisces, February 16th - March 5th, is a time when your “vision” maybe impaired and the fantasy side of love will be at its strongest. If you can keep your feet firmly on the ground, you should get through the cycle in one piece.

Mercury retrograde in Scorpio briefly, October 14th - October 28th, is a cycle when “tall tales” could be told. The past could come back to haunt you for better or worse, but it would be wise to make any deep interactions temporary, because of potential negativity that could be caused. Beware of undermining resentment and jealousy whether from you or others.

2020 is really about being the better person when it comes to love, not assuming things that aren’t true or real and treating others with the respect you expect from others.

KARMA FILE

When you ask yourself this year in the area of love, why am I going through this? Give thought to the fact that current experiences are but links in a chain of events that started long, long ago. A small piece of a huge puzzle of life. Therefore, when you’re faced with frustrations/irritations in your love-life this year, try to look beyond them to discover the common thread of each scenario that has occurred. If and when you’re able to do this, the healing can begin to take place, opening the door for a new more positive perspective of personal relationships and how to make them work.

SAGITTARIUS

The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Cancer January 10th, probably brought about a change in deep feelings towards another, creating a situation where new rules had to be applied, or the intimate relationship relinquished. When Mercury retrograde occurs in Cancer, June 18th - July 10th, some aspect of the events in January will occur again, for a final clean-up. However, it’s important to keep emotions from getting out of control, or allowing Self to be emotionally wounded/manipulated.

Aries rules your house of love, happiness, childhood and risk and with Mars entering this house June 29th - November 14th, you’ll find yourself fin the position of dealing with aspects of love that are reminiscent of childhood experiences. In particular when Mars retrogrades in Aries, September 9th - November 13th. During this retrograde the focus will be on avoiding major conflict with family, parents or loved ones, as you feel your voice must be heard and certain feelings brought out into the open. This is true, but with gentle consideration for the feelings of others. Ultimately, you’ll have to differentiate between persona desire, true will or purpose, in order to get through this very turbulent transit.

The Nodes of the Moon switching to North Node in Gemini and South Node in Sagittarius, May 6th - January 19th 2022 affects your house of long-term love. The Nodes of the Moon represent major karma on a Universal and individual level, therefore, the emphasis would be on being honest in your communication with your long-term partner and being in action about making sure they know you care. Discussing each other’s wants and needs so you’re both working towards the same goal.

When Venus enters Gemini, April 4th - August 8th, love will be very much on your mind, but more from the intellectual perspective. This is not a time to overthink what is or isn’t happening in love, but write down what you think/feel in order to have clarity. Venus retrograde in Gemini, May 13th - June 25th, will really get your mind in turmoil causing you to be more scattered than rational. If you have contact with past loves during this time, don’t allow Self to get too caught up with those in question, because it’ll end up in a confusing mess. Be polite, straightforward, keeping a healthy distance.

2020 will bring to the surface many past memories that need to be confronted in the area of love and happiness, leaving room for a new attitude/behavior that is more conducive for love to grow between you and your significant other.

KARMA FILE

When faced with making important decisions in love this year, do so from a perspective of integrity, asking Self, what is the right thing to do? If you can approach each decision, knowing, for every Cause there is an Affect, it’s unlikely you’ll cause pain and sorrow to those you love. In past lives you didn’t do this and caused tremendous hurt to others. At the same time, understand the “grass isn’t always greener over the hill”. It’s often better to work out existing problems firsts so they’re not carried forward with you to the next situation. Use this knowledge as a guide in the area of personal love and you won’t go off on tangents that lead to negative situations.

CAPRICORN

The house of love, happiness childhood and risk is highlighted by Uranus in Taurus being there until July 7th 2025. Throughout this transit you’ll feel the urge to separate Self from things you learned about love growing up and the experiences that followed. You have to learn to stand on your own two feet, demonstrate independent thinking and confront old karma connected to this area of life, still holding you back from really experiencing happiness with your partner. If you can understand that it’s possible to be friends with your significant other and that it’s an important factor in the success of the relationship, you’ll be on your way to experiencing the love of your life.

Mercury retrograde in Cancer, June 18th - July 10th, will bring back memories of past loves that were emotionally draining, loves from the past may reappear. The best course of action, learn what you can and use the lessons to empower you in current love-relationships. Being tempted to stray may also be an issue, especially if involved in a long-standing relationship. The question to ask of Self, would you be happy doing this and if you’re not happy should you let your partner know? Self-worth plays an important part in getting the right answers to your questions and doing the right thing.

2020 is a year to put energy and time into creating a happy fulfilling love relationship, in which both you and your partner work together harmoniously to make things work.

KARMA FILE

Current problems in love and through 2020, with certain family members/friends, are due to the fact that in previous lives the roles of you and these individuals, was different. What you perceive as interference into your love-life, seeming jealousy/criticism is not imagined. These individuals were part of your love-life in the past, whether as friends or giving healing in some capacity, or interfering with your love-life because of jealousy. They want to maintain control of this area of life, but you cannot let this happen. In the past the outcome was never positive and led to tremendous deep-rooted animosity each time. Hence the undercurrent of negativity you often feel. The solution, is for you to speak up and draw boundaries when it comes to personal relationships. Only you and your partner should be the two people involved in decision making and the success of the relationship, no-one else.

AQUARIUS

The Full Moon/Super Moon in Virgo, March 9th, indicates that how you serve others and Self in deep intimate relationships will change, if it hasn’t by the time this aspect comes into being. Instead of being critical and irritable for one reason or another, ask your partner what their needs are and how you can fulfill them, maybe. At least you can try. By doing this, you show your partner you care about them beyond a physical level and you’re interested in what they think/feel. This will open the door for a new beginning in how you interact on an intimate level.

The next big aspect to affect love is the Nodes of the Moon changing May 6th. The North Node will be in Gemini and the South Node in Sagittarius. The Nodes of the Moon highlight, major karma that has to be learned and integrated Sagittarius - truth, honesty, justice, growth, expansion, travel, higher consciousness to be integrated, to be in harmony with the higher side of Gemini - communication, learning, travel, understanding, versatility, flexibility, intellect and writing. If you can integrate some of these attributes in the area of love, applying a more balanced approach to love by being understanding, tolerant and adaptable., it’l be easier for love to grow and evolve to higher levels. This aspect falls in your house of love, childhood, creativity, risk and happiness.

The Venus in Gemini aspect also affecting the same house, will give you plenty of choice of potential lovers, some will be good prospects, some not so good. The danger here is of wasting time/energy with people who have little or nothing to offer, especially when Venus retrogrades, May 13th - June 25th. Throughout this cycle you’ll be more inclined to rationalize love than feel it. Mind-games are likely.

Throughout 2020, you’ll learn that love-relationships don’t have to be so hard if you’re willing to meet your partner half-way. In turn, they’ll be open to working with you to improve what you already have together.

KARMA FILE

Infidelity is the karma to be faced in 2020, Instances you face are from events that occurred before in this life or another. Now that you understand the Cause of the Affect, that brings this into your life to confront, you must not allow yourself to put up with this kind of situation, or for it continue without verbalizing your expectations of love. Most of all understanding you do not deserve this treatment. in the event that you’re the one who decides to wander outside of love, you would be wise to let your partner know first. They have a right to know you’re not happy and wish to end the relationship before embarking on a new love adventure. Problems with infidelity can be avoided if, from the beginning a foundation of love is agreed upon between you and your partner. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you both agree. By doing this you avoid creating more karma in this area of life, because in the end no happiness who manifest if infidelity is continued.

PISCES

The Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Cancer, January 10th, marked the end of what you once perceived would make you happy in love. This change of heart was necessary for you to not let your emotions overwhelm you or the relationship, to the degree it becomes stagnant or suffocating. The Full Moon/Super Moon in Virgo March 9th, signifies, how you serve Self and your partner will change. If you give too much, boundaries will be set, if you don’t give enough or tend to be critical, sensitivity to their needs will make a big difference. The next Full Moon/Super Moon in Libra, April 7th, changes your interaction on an intimate level. bringing a more balanced harmonious, loving vibe between you and your significant other, beyond the physical.

Mercury retrogrades in Cancer, June 18th - July 10th, highlighting a resurgence of emotions from the past and/or past life memories that may cause you to retreat into yourself for a a few weeks, while you sort them out. Make sure your partner knows you’re not ignoring them.

When Mercury retrogrades briefly into Libra, October 29th - November 2nd, issues of long-term love that haven’t been discussed come to the forefront. What do you want from the relationship is the question to ask of Self, something deeper or superficial.

2020 is year for a lot of soul-searching, attaining a deeper understanding of Self and personal needs when it comes to love. This is important so that you don’t waste the time of your partner because you’re not interested in what they want, or can’t provide what they’re looking for in a love-relationship. By digging deep within, you’ll find the answer to these questions.

KARMA FILE

This year you may find yourself fluctuating between being helpful to the person you love or being cold and distant. This behavior stems from previous incarnations of giving and giving to the person you loved, but being used and taken for granted, only to be eventually abandoned for someone else, leaving you heartbroken. Now, in 2020 this karma will be strong. However, the key to healing it once and for all, is to learn to have boundaries, learning not to give more than you can afford to lose. This means you can still be helpful, supporting and caring, but not to the degree you’re being taken advantage of and misled. Use the powerful Pisces instinct to “read” a person/situation on deeper levels, a gift carried from previous lives. This will empower you to have “clear sight” and to know what is the right thing to do in each situation.

#karma files #xoxo #xoxo 2020 #astrox style #free love horoscopes #love astrology #love karma #Sex Karma #zodiac love #past lives #past life readings #reincarnation #akashic records #book of life

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wordstrings · 5 years ago

Text

Inbox dump

(brace yourselves, I’m including the timestamps because these have been sitting forever and you may literally forget ever having sent one of these because they’re from so long ago 😬)

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Anonymous said: March 11th 2014 *Clears throat* Non-canon verse, uni AU probably *strums guitar and takes a deep breath* DUEEEEE TO A COMPUTING errORRR, dean and gabe are stuck as roomatesssssssss, whilesamandcascanbestucktogethertoo that'snotaneccesitybutitwouldbegreaaaaaaaaattttttttt, and veeery soon it turns into something of a friendship BUT THEEEENNNN dean fights with saaAAAM and gabe is like "dude stop being so upset" aND FLUFF HAPPEeeeeeEEEEEEeens! *stands up and bows* tyvm for accepting debriel though like omg <3

I’ve been rewatching some of Supernatural seasons 5 and 6 this past weekend, and it reminded me how much I love and miss Gabriel. I still maintain that Debriel is a super-underrated ship. The manic-chaos potential is *muah*. (see: #Debriel)

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Anonymous said: August 7th 2018 psst... light back tickles while cuddling in bed are pure™ and wholesome™

Good shit good shit good shit

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Anonymous said: September 19th 2018 I love science and go to public seminars as often as I can. I walked in to the most recent one (which I had picked at random), and it was on the science of tickling. There were demonstrations. There were hand gestures and finger wiggling. There were in depth descriptions of the anatomy and physiology behind ticklish spots. It was legitimately your Amateur Production’s fic, and I was Kevin. Worst of all it was 2 hours long. I think I died during it and my soul was sucked into hell.

Uhhhhhh where can I get a copy of the slide deck?? Asking for a friend. (see: #series: Amateur Production)

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Anonymous said: September 23rd 2018 your art skills have me shook in the best possible way

aaaahh thank you! Fun fact: I went to art school and even took illustration as a concentration area but I’ve hardly drawn anything for like ten years. When I do draw, it’s usually because there are feelings that I don’t wanna do words about. (see: #strings does art)

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Halo!anon said: September 27th 2018 A small, sinful part of Castiel had the urge to gloat. It was somewhat dampened by the fact that Dean was still under the impression that being abducted is peak romance."I can't believe you went out of your way to set up our second date!" He'd squealed, as Castiel tightened his restraints. - little excerpt of a sequel to Date Nights with Demons i had planned for months but abandoned. halo!anon

Your demented version of Demon!Dean is so entertaining 😄 (see: Date Nights with Demons)

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Anonymous said: November 6th 2018 Aaaaah your Gabriel / Kali drabble was adorable, I can't help but love seeing our mighty archangel reduced to a mass of giggles, and you write Gabriel so so well <3. I love your writing your stories always brighten my day ^^

It’s so rare for him to let his guard down, isn’t it? But when he does, he has a grand old time of it. :) (see: this drabble)

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sarah-lou-who said: November 8th 2018 1/4 Boo! The ghost of my online presence in the community is peeking its head in because I need help. I don’t have a platform or following to sound an alarm, so I’m using my platonic tumblr wife’s platform and following for me, because that’s what platonic tumblr wives do. Right? Anyway, I’m very actively fixated on Attack on Titan atm. You know this very well. You also know my predicament. I seem to have exhausted the entire supply of tickly AoT content I’m interested in that exists currently. 2/4 So, if you’re willing to publish these for me, I’m crying out into the vast TFB lands hoping that there’s someone out there to answer the call. I am in desperate need of tickly AoT content. I don’t know if anyone around here writes for it much these days. I haven’t found anyone. And I know beggars can’t be choosers, but it can’t be helped; I really only care if Eren is involved. Even better would be Levi, but I haven’t found ANYTHING involving him, so I feel like asking for that is futile. 3/4 I digress. Even after all this time I can’t keep my asks less than 50 parts long. So my goal here is that someone, somewhere, will by chance come across these, and be able and willing to either write fic of the tickly variety for Eren and/or Levi from Attack on Titan, or direct me to someone who can, if they know a person who knows a person who knows a person. (Sidenote, hi anyone who still remembers me! It’s Sarah, the more ticklish half of Leerah. I’m doing good and I miss you!) 4/4 (I hope you’re all doing well!) Thank you for letting me take advantage of your devoted followers, Strings! Love yaaa!!!

Ah, my platonic tumblr wife Sarah returns! (Digitally, anyway. Reality-wise, we hang out all the time and it’s probably very rude of me to have not published this ask for so long!) I keep teasing her that she has a Type, and that is dark-haired sulky badass who’d probably make a wicked ‘ler – AoT Levi, SPN Cas, FMA Roy, etc. So anyway, if anyone knows of somewhere I can point her to find the content she’s (still) craving, lmk!

Anonymous said: October 23rd 2019 I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way, but how is Sarah doing? I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a couple years and I see that her blog is now deactivated. I was just wondering if she’s doing alright and if she’s still around here on a different blog maybe?

See above! She doesn’t have a TFB community blog anymore, but she’s doing well. We’re quarantine buddies and helping each other out a lot. Very kind of you to ask! <3

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Anonymous said: December 2nd 2018 Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know what happened to prodigal-anon’s blog? It seems to have been deleted. Sorry again if you’ve been asked this before

No worries, friend! Here’s an answer for you!

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Anonymous said: December 13th 2018 I LOVE THE LOOPY SERIES! I love it so much, is there any chance you’ll be doing a part four? I’d give anything to see Cas and Dean tickle each other, it would be so cute 😍

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven’t entirely stopped writing... and Loopy 4 is one of those unfinished pieces that has seen a few additions lately. :) I’ve learned not to make promises about when something might get finished and posted, but I genuinely do believe this may be one of the first things that shows up once I’m ‘back in the game.’ Stay tuned... (see: #series: Loopy)

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Anonymous said: January 1st 2019 No no no you can't just stop there! I need more fluffy destiel with tickles and kissing! Pretty please?

I believe this is in response to Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight. Don’t you worry, anon – Dean and Cas are not done being fluffy on this blog!

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1832wasalongtimeago said: January 25th 2019 Hi I just wanted to pop in and say the Maintenance series is amazing!! The second part was doing things to my poor heart I’ve read it like 5 times already. You’re such an amazing writer and thank you fo writing for us!

I’m very flattered, but I can’t take credit for the Of Maintenance series – that’s the lovely work of ask-flip-frost! It does things to my poor heart, too, so you’re in good company. :)

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Anonymous said: January 26th 2019 Sam Winchester can take a lot of things. The one thing he CAN'T take? Someone using baby talk on him when he's being tickled. He collapses into a puddle of helpless giggles faster than a house of cards in a stiff wind.

Precious Sammy just needs to laugh and be held, doesn’t he? <3

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Anonymous said: May 17th 2019 Thor needs tickles. So. Damn. Much.

Oh this was from right after Endgame came out. Thor did make me feel some sads there. :( Poor bab.

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 hi! i’ve read your wonderful fics forever but i’ve never really sent anything like this before so i don’t really know what to say.. but i had a destiel tickly thought and really wanted to share it with somebody, so here goes i guess- dean is taking too long in the shower so cas decides to use his mojo from the other room to speed things along. and listens to dean’s echoey laughs through the door. that’s all. sorry if this is weird! okay bye have a good one

This is not weird and I may have delayed in telling you any of my feelings about it but I definitely have a doc somewhere that has some vague notes about how I’d like to write this because I like it!

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Anonymous said: August 6th 2019 Anhhgff your Good Omens tword fics are so cute snvfddf i never knew I needed that of my favorite husbands till now😳😍

I know, right?! They’re just dying to be dropped into every fluffy situation. (see: #Good Omens)

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 Poking my head in to say hello, hope you’re doing well still! I just got into Good Omens and I absolutely loved your fic! (I watched the show first because my book was taking too long in the mail lol) Also, the other week I somehow talked myself into making a tfb blog, after all these years of almost doing so before chickening out (this ask isn’t from it because I just hopped in here briefly in a private phone browser to say hi, it’s literally just august-anon though) ~August!Anon

August!anon, I’m always so happy to see you stop by! Tagging your (not-so-new anymore) blog so everyone can check you out: @august-anon

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hey-teenblog said: August 4th 2019 I love your fanfiction very much! They give me a lot of pleasant emotions. And most importantly, they, saturated with tenderness and love, gave me to accept myself as lee!! sorry for my english, i'm russian Love you 😘❤️

I will never tire of hearing things like this! Thank you for telling me. “Saturated with tenderness and love” is a such wonderful compliment about my writing – thank you very much! No need to apologize for language differences; I’m always impressed with anyone who manages to pick up English because it’s bonkers.

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Anonymous said: August 23rd 2019 Hi! Just found this blog and wondering some basic info. ** What fandoms do toy write for? ** Do you accept prompts? ** Do you write reader insert fics? Thank you lovley ❤️

Anonymous said: August 29th 2019 Do you write tickle fics for bnha?? Asking for a friend 👀👀

The only fandoms I have reliably been able to write for are Supernatural and Good Omens – but even Good Omens is a rookie player here. Supernatural is my main jam, and Destiel is my favorite flavor. I don’t do reader inserts, but I’m always “accepting” prompts. I just haven’t written many of them for quite a long time now, so you’re welcome to drop them as long as you’re okay with them collecting dust. (see: this selfsame post)

My About/FAQ page is very dusty right now, too, but there might be some useful tidbits in there for you.

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Anonymous said: November 12th 2019 okayokayokay. Have you watched Lucifer? It's on netflix, it's great, so much emotions and pining. (Also, y'know, reg. Luci stuff. He runs a club. Bad jokes. It's great.)

I haven’t, but it’s on my Netflix watchlist, so I’ll get there eventually! I saw a gifset once where he actually did the thing I see in winged fanfic all the time, where there was gunfire and he sheltered someone he cared about with his manifested wings. And honestly, that was the deciding factor for me.

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Anonymous said: November 16th 2019 Oh Man U listen to Critrole as well! Nice! Campaign 1 was awesome but also heartfelt and really gut-punching at points. Who is your fav so far, anyone you aren’t fond of? (& Out of interest do you have any tickle related thoughts on the main crew or upcoming Fics we can look out for? As you said it’s tumbleweeds out here for this fandom’s tickles and I’ll take anything really 😂!) Hope u enjoy!!!!!

It’s STILL tumbleweeds out here and it’s making me crazy! My heart belongs to Vax primarily, Percy secondarily. I don’t really have cohesive thoughts or headcanons about anything, unfortunately. I do have this one mental picture that keeps coming up that I keep wanting to see art of (who knows, maybe I’ll commission somebody someday?) – of ridiculous brute Grog just lifting Vax straight up in his arms and gettin’ wiggly with his fingers while all Vax can do is laugh and pry and kick while absolutely nobody helps him.

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Regarding #series: Accessor:

Anonymous said: August 31st 2015 I would like to see accessor!verse cas using feathers on Dean!!! and NIBBLES and RASPBERRIES and TEETH and TONGUE and WOWWWWWW

ME TOO, FRIEND. It’s been aaaaages since I published anything new for the Accessor AU, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been going back to my unfinished docs every once in a while to add a few lines here and there. ;)

Anonymous said: October 29th 2016 Prompt: Cas is put in charge of getting a treaty with a neighboring country that shares a lot of the same customs, including Accessories, with certain... twists (think Bracelets AU) and treats their personal slaves (like Accessories) like people (listening to opinions, giving proper care, etc.). The foreign diplomats keep bringing that up and talking to Dean. Cas isn't sure he can make it though the diplomatic proceedings. Also, he might be having improper thoughts about that custom and Dean...

I’m posting this here, but I’m definitely keeping this filed elsewhere because it’s FANTASTIC.

Halo!anon submitted: June 4th 2018 I can’t help but imagine how tickling must play a part in other aspects of society in the accessor ‘verse, besides the sessions between master and accessory. So here’s some imagines and headcanons, with a touch of worldbuilding. (Warnings, besides the usual for this AU: death mention, reference to past trauma.)

- Among the high class, during parties and other celebrations, it’s seen as a common courtesy to string up one’s personal accessory in the center of the room and let the guests entertain themselves with them. Lord Castiel never does this with Dean, much to his fellow nobles’ disappointment; the mere suggestion had Dean quaking as things he’d rather forget came back to bite him.

- Every so often, a petty criminal(the poor man’s accessory, if you will) is placed in stocks in a small town’s square and left at the mercy of the very people they used to menace. What happens next usually involves honey, some sheep, and plenty of begging. A guard stands by to warn people, “No hurting, only tickling. Everyone please wait your turn, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.”

- Certain monastic healers perform tickle therapy as a treatment for anxiety, stress, and other “diseases of the soul”, as they call them. Balthazar himself proposed the idea, because of course he did. The rich usually indulge in this kind of therapy secretly, due to its undignified nature. Some contemplate the possibility of training accessories to tickle in the future, but it’s still a big taboo.

- Every town has a folktale about a tickle monster. Curiously, many of them involve controlling plants and attacking through dreams. The southern communities still have a giggle remembering that one time six years ago when Michael offered to hunt down one such monster and came back with Crowley, a sleazy drunkard with a fetish and a dream, sitting in a cage and wearing a mask.

- The Masters sisters, Lillith, Meg and Ruby, have a long history with law enforcement. Their favorite pastime is snatching unlucky merchants off the roads and tickling them into coughing up everything they have. Everyone is sure they had a hand in Fergus"Crowley" Macleod’s untimely demise by ferocious attack hounds, but they’re very good at covering their tracks. They’ll help you cover up your tracks too, if you’re a friend- ask Bela Talbot.

I might make a second part if I get any more ideas. I hope you enjoyed this! -Halo!anon.

I am very fond of you indeed, Halo!anon. These are so creative!

hypahticklish submitted: July 24th 2018 Accessor!Ideas:

~ Gabriel leads a furious rant regarding Prince Lucifer/Sam to Castiel, relating back to perhaps dealings he has directly had with the Prince between their two unstable-yet-truced Kingdoms. Castiel relates with similar views shared by Gehenna’s councilor(s).

~ Dean and Sam BM where the audience learns more about their homevillage. Dean starts it after a rather morose remark from Sam and ends with Sammy smiling and stealing my heart.

~ Balthazar helps Sam in several ways: 1) Learns the Sam was originally a psuedo-Advocates apprentice, as well as herbalist nephew when Sam identifies the components to some salves/medicines he’s making (he had been explaining what he was doing in an attempt to spare himself being attacked like the first couple times) 2) Calls Sam out on being intelligent and making a recklessly stupid choice by selling himself to find Dean. 3) Removes Lucifers mark. And maybe perhaps: 4) Allows Sam to assist in his own healing/medicine making under his careful observation, feigned as needing two sets of hands to do correctly and his assistant was running an errand, to assess his skills. 5) Offer he work in the hospice under him, apprenticing, should Gabriel allow his intelligence not go to waste. It’s not what Sam really wants to do/learn, but it’s better than doing nothing.

~Dean officially thanks Castiel for saving Sam. I’m talking full feels, single man tear sorta thing. And Castiel says “there was never another option” and then its schmoopy sweet with the kisses and the tickles and the Cas saying he loves Dean back!!!!!!!! swoon.

~ Kali!Likes!Sam’s!Spirit! Give me a dinner scene with Gabriel, Kali and Sam where hes holding his own in a diplomatic conversation with them when he nearly crosses a line (maybe something classist? Making it clear that Cas and Gabe are the exception to his experiences) and she says “I like this ones fire. He reminds me of you, my love.” *grabby hands*

~ Prince Lucifer sends a message to Gabriel requesting (threatening) his Helpmate be returned to him for a handsome reward. Sam somehow sees letter and gets spooked because DRAMA. Gabriel responds to Lucifer with the Chief Advocate equivalent of “Fuck Off”

You, my friend. YOU. All these feelings about Sam? Top-notch, and I shall be borrowing them, yes I shall.

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Regarding #android!Cas:

hypahticklish said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas deciding today is the DAY. Dean has been teasing him lately that he likes these strange sensations that have him using all his back-up generated power to not accidentally break Dean's bones and challenging him with that cocky smirk and relaxed confidence. Android!Cas practicing during time while Dean rests with holding objects with similar density to the human wrists with enough gentle force that they neither fracture or slip from his grasp. Android!Cas surprising Dean by turning the tables and pinning his wrists over his head while settling himself on Dean's thighs. Android!Cas not necessarily tickling at first so much as just touching like he had been wanting to so as to catalog how his best friend feels with his new technology. Android!Cas feeling that bubble of FEELS in his chest as he listens to Dean swear at him with positive physical actions negating his harsh words, growing more amused as the bubbling giggles begin. I love Android!Cas

Anonymous said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas figures out his own strength comes in handy for more than just retaining himself during tickle fights. When he surprises Dean, Dean tends to squirm and fight back a little (even though he told Cas to get him back as part of the experience), so Cas uses his strength to gently hold Dean down while ticking him. Dean's never been held immobile before so it's a new experience for him, but he ends up liking it. Cas notices how Dean relaxes into his hold after a minute or so. Cas doesn't fail to use this knowledge about Dean, coming up with teasing words and methods of ticking to make Dean all squirmy and giggly, taking special notice of how light tickles effect Dean even more than most other touches, using that specially designed soft brush meant to gently clean Cas' delicate computer chips.

Anonymous said: February 17th 2016 I'm joining in on the Android!Cas thing, if not too late. Perhaps Android!Cas has detachable parts, like a foot, and Dean is a jerk and runs off and hides with it all the while tickling it and making fun of Android!Cas's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back.

Y’all, careful deliberate curious determined ‘ler Cas is LIFE. And, reserved confused helpless adorable ‘lee Cas is also life. Detachable and extensible parts are probably key to both of these things.

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Regarding current personal circumstances:

Anonymous said: January 14th 2020 I pray that you’re able to find peace during this difficult time. You are loved more than you will ever know. I know it’s hard to believe, but there will come a time that you are thankful for this experience, because it will have turned you into the person you are truly meant to be. Be strong and be hopeful. Keep your faith and keep knowing that you are going to be okay. Don’t let this dark time destroy the magnificent light inside of you. Sending you so much love

Anonymous said: January 17th 2020 I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Hang in there! We’re all here for you!

Anonymous said: February 11th 2020 all my love, thoughts and prayers are going towards you right now. also wanted to just drop a little thank you note in your inbox for all the light and joy i've found in your fics over the years. im sitting half way through my first year at uni currently but ive been a fan of yours since early highschool and i feel like ive almost grown up with your writing and fanfics in a strange way, so thank you so much for that. sending all my love to you once again- you are so strong x

I love you all so much.

#blog maintenance #ask #you people are too kind #prompt #Accessor 'verse #android!Cas

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scotianostra · 5 years ago

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Scotland & England, the first Union

On 4th February 1652 Cromwell's "Tender of Union" is announced at the Mercat Cross in Edinburgh.

In August 1651, Cromwell's army of invasion marched out of Scotland on the Worcester campaign which culminated in the total defeat of King Charles II and the Scots-Royalist army at the battle of Worcester on 3rd September. With Royalists and Covenanters still active in Scotland, Cromwell left around 6,000 troops and the greater part of the artillery train under the command of the subject of yesterday's post, General Monck, with orders to subdue remaining Scottish resistance.

With the defeat of the Royalist cause, the republican English government planned to incorporate Scotland into the Commonwealth with England. Initial proposals were published in October 1651, the Scots were not consulted over the union.

Two years later, on 12 April 1654, the "Ordinance for uniting Scotland into one Commonwealth with England" was issued by the Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell, and proclaimed in Scotland by the then Governor of Scotland, General George Monck.

This Ordinance did not become an Act of Union until it was approved by the Second Protectorate Parliament on 26 June 1657

The union included religious toleration across the two nations (excluding Catholics and Episcopalians) and the forfeiture of all royal property and revenues. The Committee of Estates was abolished and, under an Ordinance of Union passed by the Council of State in April 1654, thirty Scottish representatives were authorised to be "elected" to the Westminster Parliament. There was no attempt to incorporate the Scottish legal system, but a new Court of Judicature was established in Edinburgh to replace the Court of Session, with seven presiding magistrates, four of whom were English. Nine commissioners were appointed to regulate the universities and the church, and an Admiralty court was established at Leith, which also had responsibility for managing estates confiscated from Royalists.

While most Scots grudgingly accepted the imposition of the union, the Kirk remained opposed to toleration of the religious sects and to the breaking of the link between Crown and Covenant. However the Covenantars themselves were far from a happy lot in there own wee world. Rival General Assemblies of the Kirk were held at Edinburgh in 1653, but were seen as a threat and suppressed by Commonwealth troops. The General Assembly did not meet again until after the Restoration.

Although the lowlands and central regions of Scotland were subdued, Stirling Castle had been bombarded into submission, Monck's forces stormed Dundee, which was sacked and plundered in reprisal for defying his summons to surrender.Troops of cavalry policed Glasgow and patrolled south-western Scotland to prevent any attempt to raise new forces there.

Monck and his army were not without opposition though and it was of course in the Highlands that the uprising took shape. Early in 1653, William Cunningham, 8th Earl of Glencairn, proposed to organise the Highlanders and to lead a rebellion against the Commonwealth. Charles II granted him a commission as commander of Royalist forces in Scotland until Major-General Middleton could be sent from the Netherlands to take over. Glencairn gained enough support from the fractious clan leaders to initiate a guerrilla campaign in the Highlands and begin recruiting an army. Lords Huntly, MacDonald of Glengarry and Seaforth were among the Scottish nobles who joined Glencairn. The Marquis of Argyll remained neutral, but his son and heir Lord Lorne defied Argyll to join the uprising It became known as Glencairn's Uprising.

Charles II sent Major-General John Middleton to take command, this didn't go down well with Glencairn, but had little choice than to relinquish control of the Royalist army on orders of the King in exile in the Netherlands. It irked him more that Middleton appointed Sir George Monro as second in command rather than himself. Tensions grew between Glencairn and Monro with culminated in a duel in which Monro was wounded, and Glencairn being pulled away to stop him killing him.

Monro's continuing provocative behaviour led to Glencairn withdrawing from Middleton's army, leaving the Royalist forces hopelessly divided.

Monck's troops ruthlessly laid waste the lands of suspected Royalists to deny support to Middleton's forces.The Commonwealth army ambushed the Royalists near Loch Garry in July 1654 routing them, the Highlanders who were not slain turned and fled. The Uprising was all but over.

Monck wanted all the leaders of the uprising put to death, but the Protector and Council promised a pardon to all those who submitted. Glencairn himself surrendered to Monck in September 1654. Middleton escaped back to the Continent and rejoined Charles II at Cologne early in 1655.

Cromwell's army controlled more of Scotland than any other invading army had ever done before, more than Edward I had ever achieved, this remained the case for the rest of the decade.

This Act like all the others passed during the Interregnum, the name given to the period between the execution of Charles I on 30 January 1649 and the arrival of his son Charles II in London on 29 May 1660 – was repealed by both Scottish and English parliaments upon the Restoration of the monarchy under Charles II.

Pic is of the Mercat Cross on Edinburgh's Royal Mile.

#Scotland #England #Union of Parliaments #History

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 4 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/intuitive-astrology-aquarius-full-moon-august-2020/

Intuitive Astrology: Aquarius Full Moon August 2020

By Tanaaz

The Aquarius Full Moon lights up the sky on August 3-4th, 2020, welcoming us to the month and the building energies of the Lionsgate Portal.

Full Moons are always illuminating things, helping us to see a bigger truth and to expand our way of thinking.

If things have felt foggy or unclear, this Full Moon calls for us to look again, for perhaps this time, we will receive the answers we are looking for.

The planet of awakening and change, Uranus, is very active under this Full Moon.

Uranus is the ruler of Aquarius, but it is also making a square or 90-degree alignment with the Sun at the time of the Full Moon. This alignment with Uranus triggers things in our lives to feel shaky and unsteady.

We may notice things moving and shifting around us, causing us to feel uncertain and unstable. It may be hard to know what to trust and what direction to choose.

When this level of shaky uncertainty enters our life, it allows us to see what is weak and needs to fall, and what is strong. Whatever withstands the shaking remains, whatever was already weak will fall away.

This energy is not there to upset our lives, rather it is there to help us remove and let go of the things no longer meant for us.

Most of us know when it’s time to let go of something or someone, but sometimes it can be hard to do so.

The shake-up from this Full Moon will help us to gently let go of these things, and to remind us that we need not hold on in fear.

What are you holding on to out of fear? What thoughts, beliefs, people, circumstances are you gripping onto?

This Full Moon asks you to clear the way. It asks you to shake up your beliefs, your ideas, your circumstances, so you can see what needs to remain.

Under this Aquarius Full Moon energy, it is better to let things shake and fall where they may, rather than trying to control.

If we surrender and go with the flow, we can allow the Universe to show us the way with grace in our hearts.

This shaky energy from Uranus also serves another purpose – awakening our soul energy.

When things shake and rattle us, it causes us to see things in a new light and to feel differently about ourselves and the world we live in. This can trigger an awakening, and a coming into new knowledge and wisdom.

Uranus shakes us to awaken us, and to show us a new and higher path.

Uranus also rules over Kundalini energy, which is seen as a serpent that lives at the base of our spine.

When our Kundalini energy rises, as it does when we are under the presence of Uranus, the snake uncoils itself, traveling up the energy centers of the body, all the way to the top of our head and beyond.

When the snake awakens, we can learn new things, see new things, and experience life at a different frequency.

We can all activate our own Kundalini awakening under this energy by setting an intention and tuning in. This is not something we can force, but something we can allow and welcome if we feel it right to do so.

This awakening and activating energy will also be supported by the opening of the Lionsgate Portal.

The Lionsgate Portal opens every year and peaks by August 8th, however the energy will already be brewing at the time of this Full Moon.

As the Sun reaches the peak of Leo Season and we have Sirius, our Spiritual Sun high in the sky, Lionsgate is activated, sending messages, downloads, and insights to Earth.

The August Full Moon will help to illuminate these energies as they grow, and if we tune in, we may start receiving downloads, intuitive wisdom, or even new ideas and inspirations to guide us on our way.

This is beautiful energy to tap into, and one that can advance us further on our path.

If you have questions, if you are looking for new wisdom, if you want to stretch your mind to new heights, reach higher under the light of this Full Moon.

Open yourself to the energy and allow information to flood in. Very often on a Full Moon, we like to dictate what we wish to release or call in, but this energy calls for us to get still and enter a place of allowing.

If we quiet our mind, and reach beyond our knowing, we may find new information and downloads easier to receive.

We all have the power to receive these downloads, so go out under the light of the Moon. Look at it shining bright in the sky. Ask for it to bring you wisdom; ask for it to send its ancient messages straight into your being.

Open to the downloads you receive, trust your abilities, and be patient if things start to move and shake.

As we shake, we let go of the things no longer meant for us, we clear out things that were weak and crumbling.

After the pieces have landed where they may, we will feel renewed, restored, and awakened with a greater knowing of who we are and where we need to be.

******

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The dark has been cleared, fully defeated and New Earth, Nova Terra, is ready to begin. This requires each Being to fully clear the remaining density within their bodies, to awaken to full remembrance of their Galactic Truth, their Soul Essence, their Divine Blueprint.

This is not a Drill, in Real Time, Present Moment of Now Mother of All Creation is on the Planet and she is Our Divine Director, Our Eternal Mother. She hired you for this role and She is here to guide you.

Mother has the entire Galactic Federation of Light and all the Angels with Her in all moments. She also has Her guide/ambassador Robin Williams and Master St. Germain by Her side. There is no session like this available on the planet, or in all of Creation.

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hpwipfest-blog · 5 years ago

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Masterpost HP WIP Fest, part 1

Hello dear fest participants and exited readers. I hereby give you the first masterpost of the HP WIP Fest, announcing all WIP’s that have entered so far. As it is a long list, I have put it under a cut, with the WIP’s that are already on ao3 first in case you want to start reading already.

If you signed up for the fest but do not see your WIP in this list, this is probably because I do not yet have a title for your work. In that case, please email me the title so I can include you in the next masterpost.

I hope all the participants find lots of inspiration to finish in the upcoming weeks, and to our early readers, enjoy these wonderful WIP’s!

Skin Deep by @loganaa-fic

Pairing: Drarry

When Harry accepts a job at Dean's tattoo parlor, he never expected that Draco Malfoy would show up, looking for a tattoo. But then again, since when did Malfoy do what was expected?

The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god

Pairing: Wolfstar

Sirius Black has a secret. Well, no, that's not true. Sirius Black has many secrets. His wand is dying, his parents more or less want to kill him, and there's the small matter of the cursed TOUJOURS PUR tattoo right above his heart, that he's had since he turned eight years old. Sirius Black is no stranger to secrets.

Then, Remus Lupin walks into his life.

Thus, begins a whole new history - one of darkness, of magic, of bravery, of family - as four boys set out to unwind the endings so many others have written for them.

This is the story of the Marauders at Hogwarts and afterwards, and all the love that lies between.

This is Year One.

Apparently by justanotherloser

Pairing: Drarry

Father says apparently I feel too much.

Mother says apparently my mask needs to hide more of my emotions.

The Dark Lord says apparently I'm too weak.

Blaise says apparently I hate too often, and Pansy says I apparently need to let go.

I never get to make choices with them. Not with my family, not with my life, not with my house.

Apparently I can only choose who I hate, and I can't even get that right.

Apparently I love Harry Potter.

Are You Here To Finish Me Off, Sweetheart? by @geekmom13

Pairing: Antonin Dolohov/Hermione Granger

Antonin gets held by the order for the secret he keeps and Hermione is put in charge of him. They end up relying on each other more than anyone had expected.

Children of war by @the-purple-black

Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange

A promise made by Bellatrix to the Dark Lord seemed unimportant at the time, though years later it seems her loyalty must be put to the test.

Fixed Point by @frumpologist

Pairing: Dramione

Draco and Hermione are Time Unspeakables who travel through time to stop anachronists from using illegal time travel to change the course of history.

Their adventures lead them through the whole of history and the unwritten expanse of the future. Hermione learns about the History of Magic and Draco learns about science, Muggles, and falling in love.

However, there are fixed points in time, events so important that they cannot be altered. Hermione Granger’s tragic life as an Unspeakable is one of those points, and nothing Draco can do will change the path they’re forced to follow.

Not In Love (Letters) by @drarryangels

Pairing: Drarry

It's eighth year at Hogwarts, and Harry is unsurprisingly beyond miserable. Ron isn't coming back for his last year of school, Hermione is suddenly best friends with Pansy Parkinson, and Draco Malfoy won't stop ignoring him. Even all the House unity is going too splendidly to be exciting. Truthfully, Harry wishes he had never come back at all. That is, until he starts receiving letters from an anonymous sender.

Sequel to Palo Alto by @nachodiablo

Pairing: Wolfstar

Modern AU set in Northern California. It's been four years since Sirius and Remus got their shit together. James and Lily aren't doing too shabby, either. Things are going great. Sure, James still hasn't gotten any of his business ideas off the ground quite yet. And yeah, Lily's still not ready to move in with James, even though she spends every night at his place. And okay, Remus might be starting to freak a little about whether his PhD is going to land him in some no-name wasteland town for a job. And fine, Sirius has stalled out a bit since he left work to pursue his dreams of... well, to find a dream to pursue. Regardless. Things are great. Very chill. That is, until a family tragedy brings an adorable bundle of responsibility into their lives.

The End Is Just The Beginning by @the-fifth-marauder

Pairing: Drarry

When Draco decided to join the Auror forces, he knew life would be made hell for him by just about everyone in the Ministry. Yet never did Draco think he would be condemned to a fate like this.

The one where Draco gets the second chance he never knew he wanted. Before he realized that 'Happy Endings' just aren't for his destiny. Or were they?

#10

New Beginnings by @kaarina-riddle

Pairing: Dramione

Hermione comes home to find her husband in a compromising position on the kitchen table and wants to get away from everything, the perfect job opportunity as a professor of Charms at Hogwarts is offered and she takes it. Only to find that there's a surprise Draco Malfoy old school nemesis is the new DADA professor what will happen?

#11

A Girl Worth Fighting For by @saintdionysus

Pairing: Hermione Draco, Hermione/Theo

Due to the events of War, The Ministry of Magic has ordered students to repeat their final year, despite being legal wizarding age and completion of OWLs. Hermione Granger and Blaise Zabini form a friendship as head boy and head girl and find a way to use their authority to challenge the Ministry. Along the way, she finds herself caught between two unexpected love interests, while Blaise plays referee between his two friends.

#12

The Promise by @tofadeawayagain

Pairing: Drastoria, Dramione

When Astoria Malfoy learns she is dying, she asks Hermione Granger to take care of her husband Draco. It's not until the following New Year's Eve that he starts to let her. A tale about the seasons of grief, friendship and love, and moving on after a devastating loss.

#13

All the Stupid Things in Between: A Gryffindor and Slytherin Love Story by ForeverEvan

Pairing: Fred Weasley/OFC

Evangeline "Evan" Carter, the illegitimate daughter of Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange, is moved from Ilvermorny to Hogwarts at the beginning of the 4th Year. She is facing the task of hiding her true identity while falling for a boy from the wrong family. Evan must rely on her brother and her teacher to navigate the dangerous world of being the daughter of a Death Eater and a killer.

#14

Prowler by @goldie-writes-things

Pairing: Harry/Hermione

Harry and Hermione thought winning the war was the hard part. They had no idea how difficult surviving it would be. Newly engaged Lord Potter and Lady Black must navigate the murky waters of parenthood while rebuilding their lives. But when their world starts crashing down around them they are faced with a startling question: What wouldn’t you do for your child?

#15

Stressed Teen to Yes Queen by @drarryandharry

Pairing: Drarry

The fab five sort out post war Harry. That’s it. That’s the summary.

#16

Shockwave by maraudersaffair

Pairing: Drarry

When Harry fled Britain he had no idea murder and Draco fucking Malfoy would follow. Now in Las Vegas, he’s faced with a vampire mystery and a Malfoy who refuses to tell him the truth.

Veelas and vampires! Yay!

#17

Destiny Intertwined by @vinoamore

Pairing: Hermione/Dolohov

In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the DFFandCabalChristmasFest collection.

Prompt: A marriage law is passed just before the Christmas holidays. Hermione is matched with a former Death Eater, Antonin Dolohov...and Hermione is furious. "Why is this happening?!" she demanded. "He tried to kill me!"

#18

The Seven Year Witch by @thelastlynx

Pairing: Dramione

A boy and a girl have been meeting, coincidentally, for seven summers. While they pretty much hate each other most of the year, for those little moments in July or August they manage to see one another in a different light. But will that be quite enough to bring them together?

#19

Distant Stars by @of-stars-and-moon

Pairing: Wolfstar, Jily

(The story of Sirius Black, a Slytherin student as he finds friendship and love from someone he never expected)

'The memory was still so new and clear, feeling like it was yesterday but an eternity away at the same time.

In first year, Sirius would have never ever imagined that on his last day at Hogwarts, he would be lying on a roof, holding hands with Remus and listening to James and Peter.'

#20

A Home For Christmas by @motherbookerao3

Pairing: Drarry

High on a barely legal pain potion, Harry accidentally ends up adopting a child with Draco Malfoy.

#21

The Noble and Most Ancient Guide to Vice and Virtues by grimyoufuck

Pairing: Wolfstar

Toujours Pur; the words had been branded into Sirius' subconscious from a young age. It was a motto he'd never been able to live up to, even when he had tried. But now? Now, he was going to escape his mother's scathing words and his father's ambivalent silence to travel the continent with his best friend, and nothing was going to stop him. His mother was determined to keep the bloodline pure, and uphold the name of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Sirius was determined to do the opposite.

When Sirius Black journeys to France to begin the first leg of his European tour with best friend James Potter, he'd expected a holiday of booze and boys. What he hadn't expected, much less wanted, was an educational trip, including nights out at the opera. But when a particular cast member catches Sirius' eye, he wonders if some good old fashioned fun could be obtained after all.

#22

Serendipity by @mrsren96

Pairing: Harry/Hermione

Like any girl, Hermione has dreamed of her future nuptials, at least once or twice. So far it's not going so well. There's a marriage law, and well, Harry Potter to deal with.

#23

Avignon by bittercape

Pairing: Gen

Voldemort is dead, and Wizarding Britain is controlled by the totalitarian Umbridge Ministry. The resistance, mainly centered around our heroes from the books (with some additions and some changes), is working against overpowering odds to overthrow the government. Think a reversed French revolution meets Cold War-era Berlin. With magic.

#24

A Bond Beyond The Vast Wave by @mangopassionfruity

Pairing: Sirius/Lucius, James/Lily, Lily/Severus

Sirius was a many things, rebellious, lazy, a prankster, troublemaker, lady's man, irresponsible, carefree. Or that is what he likes to appear as. And why break that image he's crafted for himself? Even if it'd make his life easier, especially with his hidden relationship with a certain Malfoy heir.

But things backfire and it leads to making decisions that change his way of life.

#25

Though My Mind Could Think (I Still Was a Mad Man) by Cassiara

Pairing: Drarry

After the war is over Harry thinks it's finally his turn to rest after years of pretending he's fine, and just waiting for the day he isn't needed anymore. He tries to kill himself, but of all people, Malfoy saves him. Harry realises that if he has the courage to die, he should also have the courage to live.

Ultimately this is a story about recovery, but it's also about all the things you sometimes have to go through to get there.

This is a rewrite of my fic "Favourite Scar".

#26

Explosions in the heart by @hp-rbiim

Pairing: Drarry

It's back to Hogwarts and Malfoy is annoying as ever.

Unpublished WIP’s

#27

Time is gone (thought i'd have something more to say) by Thestias

Pairing: Fremione

After the battle of hogwarts, the dead number in the hundreds; the loss of the brightest witch of their age hits hard, and for one wizard, his desperation to fix what had been broken sends him travelling back in time in a frantic attempt to save her. angst, fluff and angst, time travel, alternate universe - canon divergence, slow burn

#28

Encounters by @pottercrew

Pairing: Drarry

Harry is finding it difficult to keep his relationship with Draco apart from his relationships with Malfoy. What if he no longer wants to? Kink negotiation, anal sex, blow jobs, hard sex, bondage, voyeurism, sex club.

#29

The Side Of The Angels by @hiddenhibernian

“Focus,” Hermione told herself, forcing her breathing to slow down. “What's the worst that can happen?”

Bad question. Her heart was hammering so hard it drowned out the buzz from the bar on the other side of the door to the cleaning cupboard she unceremoniously had been bundled into. The bar was the Hag's Head, and it was usually a friendly place for the Order of the Phoenix. They were still fighting, five years after the fall of Harry Potter, but Aberforth had turned against them... It didn't bear thinking about.

Then the door opened.

#30

Not Gryffindor…? by Dracomalfoyy_youlittleshit

Harry gets sorted into Slytherin, finding an unlikely friendship in Draco Malfoy. Basically a retell of Harry Potter but with Harry in Slytherin.

#31

A Lotus In The Mud by @kaokumasparkle

Pairing: Drarry

Harry always had problems with common sense, everyone knows this. And now that he's sick with Hanahaki over a certain slytherin blonde, it looks like he may never get the chance to learn. Possible tags: mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, parseltongue Harry, Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Hogwarts 8th year, Hermione just wants ONE year where Harry doesn't almost die, jealous Draco, protective Harry, Forbidden Forest adventures, minor mentions of blood

#32

It’s A Kind Of Magic by ive_beenfound

Pairing: Drarry

It's 8th year and the war has been hard on everyone. And having a future to think about and look forward to is terrifying Warnings/Tags: 10 year time jump, difficult conversations about lgbtq and war, harry being oblivious, draco being a shite, potentially triggering conversations about family.

#33

Flirting With Chaos by @alexandrao

Pairing: Dramionarry (Draco x Hermione x Harry)

The Ministry of Magic passes a marriage law, forcing all those above the age of 17 to be married. Hermione, furious with the law, is paired not to one wizard, but two! Determined to change the law, she flirts with the line that could send her relationship into complete and total chaos.

#34

Friendship, Football, and Fireworks by @LegendaryWrighter

Pairing: Deamus

One lazy Sunday morning, Seamus finds Dean going through some old sketchbooks and joins him in reminiscing on several memories.

#35

The Winder Of My Life by @nuclearnik

Pairing: Dramione

Hermione's special bond with her Snippets of Hermione's life as she grows up raised by a single mother. When Hermione is an adult, their bond grows to include Draco, who accepts him as long as he loves and cares for her daughter. As her mother's health declines, Hermione has hard truths to face and a supportive husband who is smitten by her mother.

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allsystemsarenotgo · 4 years ago

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A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.

She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.

She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.

She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.

She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.

I did the same thing.

All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.

But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.

My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.

My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).

So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.

Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.

Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female

So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.

So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).

Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy

I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.

But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.

Error #3: Not standing up for myself

She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".

The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.

-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-

After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.

Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.

Error #4: Accepting anything as fact

Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.

She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.

"Who was that?"

"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."

"He sounds like a jerk"

"Enough about him. He won't do this."

-Provides more clorox-

And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".

Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).

That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.

Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.

So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.

So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.

Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.

And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"

"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.

Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping

And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.

We enjoyed the time we spent together.

We enjoyed going places together.

My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)

The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)

The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.

The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.

So we mutually agreed to break up.

She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.

My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.

My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)

I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.

I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.

I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.

I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.

For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.

But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.

So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.

Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.

And honestly?

Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.

But at the same time, ...

Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.

That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.

That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.

That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.

That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life

That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.

All I am now, is damaged product.

I don't truly know how to love.

I don't truly know how to feel.

I don't truly know how to be myself.

I don't truly know how to be intimate.

I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.

I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.

Not intimacy.

I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.

I want to be seen for all the other attributes.

I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.

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serena-waldorf · 5 years ago

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🏳️‍🌈 pride q&a snagged from @veroniquemagique

❤sexuality: Bisexual baby

🧡pronouns: she/her

💛gender: female

💚relationship status: Single AF sadly lol

💙celebrity crush: Just one? LOL. Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton, and Nicki Minaj are like the top 3 right now lol. And I guess Drake and Mahershala Ali for men lol. Felicity Huffman used to be in this category but yeah, having mixed feelings about her currently obviously (but she did really turn me on in a horny angry way in the 2 episodes of When They See Us that I’ve watched so far 🙈 Even though the character she is portraying is despicable, lawyer + villain = hot I guess lol 🙈)

💜best friend: Well my BFF forever and ever from high school Lizz, is straight sadly lol but I have another really close friend from high school, K, who is bi as well and so is her sister and her super soon-to-be husband. But K and I and her sister and fiance don’t really talk about bi/queer issues or topics too much.

In terms of a close friendship where we talk about Bi/Queer stuff all the time, then @zestycactus is an amazing friend! She is always there if you need to talk through problems/issues but overall she is just a really nice person, a kind friend, and a fun person to chill with 😊 Gotta give her a lot of credit for helping me to be able to accept my bisexuality a lot more over the past year and a bit, just from our talks and by always being able to come along to queer events or programs with me when able to and for bringing me along to my first one ever over a year ago 😁

Side note: If you’re LGBTQ+ and struggling with your sexuality or even if you’re not and you just want to be around other queer people or make new queer friends, and you have an (LGBTQ) community centre around you with support groups or networks that hold regular meetings and events, I would highly recommend just from personal experience! And if you don’t have access to something like that because I know not everybody does and you ever want to talk, about LGBTQ issues or not and you just want to chat, my ask box and inbox is always open!

💙when did you come out: I must have figured it out for myself when I was 12/13/14, no later than 14 for sure, I was probably 12/13 ish. Then I randomly came out to a few classmates around then on an overnight school trip that year (7th grade). And then came out to a lot of (if not most) friends over the course of high school and kept coming out to friends throughout university. And I have been coming out ever since lol. As any queer person knows, it never ends. I think I only told my mom a few months ago, like almost a year ago now? It was last August/September ish, I’m gonna say? And yeah, still have a lot of coming out to do to a lot of family still but its a “cross that bridge when I get to it” situation, if I ever got into a serious enough relationship with a girl and wanted to introduce her to family but right now, its a long shot of that happening any time soon lololol.

💚first person you came out to: It was over 10 years ago so the memories of that time period are fuzzy but I’m gonna say it was random classmates I was sharing a room with on an overnight school leadership camping trip thing, one of them was a close friend but an on and off again friend (it was a super complicated friendship/situation throughout high school and middle school actually lololol) and thinking back on it, I have no idea what made me come out to them, then and there because I wasn’t really friends with the other 2 girls and one of them was a huge bitch lol. Maybe I just needed to say it out loud to somebody while I was coming to terms with it?

💛first gf/bf: My high school BF from near the end of high school and into most of our first year of university before we called it quits. Meh, it wasn’t the best relationship for a first relationship, it was sweet and nice but it shortly became more of a friendship than a romantic relationship. I won’t go into details here because I’ve been rambling enough in this questionnaire lol (feel free to message me tho for more info if you’re really that intrigued lol) but at least it taught us that we do make better friends than we did BF/GF, I don’t even know if either of us was TRULY interested in the other one or if we were just dating each other for the sake of having somebody while almost everyone else around us in our friends group at the time was coupled up and we didn’t want to feel left out *shrug* I think the latter is true for me tbh as bad as that sounds. But even though me and him have our differences in more ways than one, he is a really nice and funny guy and his mom taught him to treat girls well, even just friends lol and we do still meet up every few months for a dinner or a movie or whatever and its nice to catch up every once in a while with him. (LOL, I still wrote a book in this answer when I said I wouldn’t).

🧡ever had a crush on a straight person: Like all my crushes lol. Even with straight men I’m usually rejected or they are already taken and I had a bad experience with a crush in my last year of university so since then, I’ve just tried not to develop hardcore crushes on people besides little crushes that I know won’t go anywhere. And even though there is one straight friend I will always crush on, I know she is straight and nothing will ever happen lol so I respect that and would never tell her my feelings because it would probably ruin the friendship and I cherish the friendship aspect too much to do that.

❤fallen for a friend: I think I answered this in the last question. YES lol. It’s never ended well for me except for my first BF. I definitely don’t make moves anymore or let feelings be known. But then again, I haven’t had a serious crush on anyone since my disasterous experience in 4th year of university lol. And I talked about my crush on my straight friend in the answer to the previous question as well.

💛best LGBTQ+ friend: @zestycactus , reasons why are listed in the best friend question above. And my best friend K from high school as mentioned in the best friend answer above also, but both being LGBTQ isn’t really a factor in our friendship, its just a coincidence lol.

💚person that made you doubt your sexuality: I don’t think any one specific person ever has but those “How do you know you’re bi?” “How can you be in love with both?” kinds of questions do get tiresome. I don’t really get them aimed at me specifically by any one person luckily but just hearing and seeing those sentiments in general in everyday life or hearing stories from other people is tiresome and annoying. And not so much doubt but I have one straight friend who I love and I know she is just trying to be a supportive friend and ally but she seems really INSISTENT on me dating women, creating dating profiles on dating apps to meet women specifically, she’s always getting on my case about getting on dating apps etc and while I appreciate the support lol and I am more attracted to women than men (and I did express that I would prefer dating girls right now) but like I’m bi, I’m not ruling out men completely yet if I do decide to make dating profiles and I end up clicking with men or one specific guy. I honestly will probably end up with a girl, or I want to see what dating girls is like, but like I said, men aren’t completely out of the equation for me either because anything can happen lol. Life is unpredictable. I feel like if I date men or meet a guy somehow this friend is gonna say something about me dating women and ask why I’m not with a woman and that she thought I wanted to date women etc. So that does worry me about dating men if it ever happens but this friend is very inadvertently pushy in general (in her own weird supportive way lol) so I just gotta roll with it and appreciate the support, and if I end up dating a guy in the future who makes me happy, and she is “upset” or confused or something, I just gotta remind her that its my life, my happiness and my choices at the end of the day.

💙proud of your sexuality: Hell yeah 10/10, I’m so happy to be bi, even though I still have bad days, doubts, insecurities, worries, my questioning periods etc, but the pride outweighs those feelings for the most part most days. And like I said, going to bi support groups and queer events really helped the past year and a half.

💜comfortable with your sexuality: Getting there. A lot better than I was a year and a half ago. I’m getting more and more comfortable and proud every day. I’ve definitely been on a journey for the past year and a half of self-love, mindfulness, weight loss, and just building better habits and patterns in general. Not just in terms of my sexuality but I took a lot of risks this past year and a half and not all of them have paid off yet but even though I have the odd bad day still like we all do, I am in a much better state of mind in general than I was a year ago, 2 years ago, especially 3 years ago. And as I’ve talked about in this questionnaire, support groups for bi people really helped with becoming more comfortable with my sexuality, and helping me to embrace it more over the past year or so.

💙describe yourself: Coffee addict, foodie, pop culture lover (especially movies and TV shows lol), fun-loving, kind, caring, hardworking, creative, silly, great friend

💚LGBTQ+ hero: Idk, Sarah Paulson and Lily Tomlin? I’m sure I could answer this better after giving it more thought but its late.

💛favorite part of being LGBTQ+: The friendships/connections I’ve made in the queer community, both online on social media and in real life through the support groups, queer events etc. Feeling like I don’t have to fit into the neat little heteronormative box. And this is shallow but thank god I was born with the ability to appreciate and love women both physically and intellectually because hey, women are hot af, let’s be real lol.

🧡advice to younger you: It’s okay to like girls, there is nothing wrong with it, being bi and loving women is beautiful. Love yourself some more. You deserve credit for everything you’ve gone through and overcome. You’re amazing and you’re going to do great things with your life, meet and befriend amazing people one day, and accomplish things you never imagined.

❤️do you ever wish you weren’t LGBTQ+: No? Why would I? As Lady Gaga would say, I was born this way lol. I mean yeah there’s hard times, difficult moments, hard things about being queer but being bi specifically carries its own hardships. And like I said, the good outweighs the bad. There’s hard days, moments, questioning periods etc but I wouldn’t change things for the world. Thank God I’m not straight lol. If only for the fact that I love women too much lmao. NGL, I often wonder what its like for my straight female friends who don’t see women the same way I do lol and who don’t see them in a romantic sense if that makes sense. It’s probably a whole lot easier to be straight but I really wouldn’t change things if I could.

#queueing this since this took longer than expected and its late lol #sorry for writing a novel as usual but this was fun!!#pride q & a #pride asks #asks #🌈

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eternvlblyss · 6 years ago

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my college story

I wanted to write about my whole college experience, so here is my attempt.

1st Year

Freshman year, I started my college career in August 2014, at UC Merced. I was nervous as heck, as an incoming freshman should feel, and I was going into this university by myself with no friends from my high school or anyone. The first semester really, really sucked, not gonna lie. I had some trouble with my roommates. I wasn’t used to their lifestyle and I really bottled up all of my emotions. I was very quiet and reserved, and it was my first time living with people who were so different than me. I didn’t know how to speak up to them because I was too afraid. Plus, I actually felt homesick, even though I was just 2 hours away from my family. Education wise, I didn’t do well in my classes at all. In just my first semester of college, I didn’t pass 2 of my classes, leaving me on academic probation. I was so scared because I have never, ever failed a class. I saw that some of the new friends I made got dismissed from the university, and that truly frightened me because I could possibly get kicked out myself.

So I forced myself to focus more my second semester. I found a great set of friends who helped me out with my roommate situation, as well as supported me in my studies. They helped with making me feel less homesick. As the second semester came to an end, I was happy that I chose to come to UC Merced. I already became so very close to my friends I made that I didn’t really want to go on summer vacation. Also, I was off academic probation (:

2nd Year

Sophomore year came around, and I was dorming with my best friend Ravneet, which I was so excited about! I was excited to see many of my other friends, but definitely not excited to start classes. I thought this time around I would’ve been used to the transition and pace of college courses, but I wasn’t. I was struggling in my chemistry class and wasn’t able to complete my writing course (which I then withdrew from), resulting in me going back on academic probation. I was so disappointed in myself because I thought I had learned from my first year. Then it was my second semester, and I had 2 science classes; one was completely new to me and one I was retaking. Although I passed majority of my classes that semester, I still didn’t pass one. I was in good standing, but not passing that class just got to me. I was so disappointed and ashamed, that I did something so horrible to myself. I began self-harming, because even though people said “it was okay” and “you could just retake it,” I was so fed up with myself. It’s like I NEVER learned! I knew I could’ve done better or focused more or studied more, but I didn’t, and I ended up not passing yet another class again. My friends were very supportive though, and helped me realize that these things just happen and I couldn’t dwell on it so much. All I could do was redeem myself the next time around.

In the summer of 2016, I stayed in Merced, attempting to retake that one class I didn’t pass, along with another class, in hopes to catch up. By then, I knew I was behind on my path to graduation. I just wanted nothing more than to be on track to graduate in Spring 2018. Even though I was taking 2 science classes in the summer, I still managed to have fun with my friends as well as focus on my studies. It was a struggle don’t get me wrong, I don’t know what I was thinking to take 2 science classes during the summer! I also started a job at the Campus Store which I’m glad I got because I was applying to so many places for a summer job, and I finally had this. Going back to my classes though, I passed them both thank god.

3rd year

Now for my Junior year! I was living in a house with my 2 best friends (shoutout to Ravneet and Odalys) and I was still working at the Campus Store! Until I wasn’t anymore...lol I was only a temporary, and was let go, which bummed me out because I was starting to befriend a lot of my coworkers. But I mean, it was what it was. The class load for my fall semester included a bio class and lab, a chem class and lab, physics with a lab, and a psych class. Again...why did I take 3 labs together? I don’t know man, I really wanted to get out of there within 4 years, and since it was my junior year, I was so close. I did relatively well towards the end of the semester, but again, I failed my organic chemistry class. I was put on academic probation. I think if I remember correctly, I didn’t tell my family that I had failed that class, the plan was to retake it in the summer. I was disappointed in myself, as usual, and continued to self-harm because I was the only one punishing myself while everyone around me kept comforting and coddling me. I knew they meant well, but my logic was, how was I ever going to learn if no one punished me? My friends at the time knew of this happening and encouraged me to go and seek help, but I rejected them, saying that it’s fine and it’s only this moment that I’m feeling like this.

I then moved onto spring semester. This time for spring 2017, I decided to lighten my class load. I was also asked to come back to work at the Campus Store, and I’m really glad I was given the offer because i missed my coworkers. I was taking 3 courses and the light load really did help. I passed all 3 and was off academic probation (: I did struggle though, because I was taking a genetics class, and that was pure torture. That was the first class that had ALL short answer questions for exams and the final. And if you know me, I suck at doing short answer and essay questions. Absolutely hated them.

So summer came again, and this was my chance to retake my Ochem class! So that’s all I took during the summer, just one course. You’d think that with just one course on my plate, I’d be fine...but nope. Ochem was the death of me, and I didn’t pass it AGAIN! Now that really got the best of me. I begged my professor to reconsider any extra credit opportunities for me, but there was nothing she could do. I cried so much when I saw my final grade and I fell into a depression. Because dude...I failed the ONLY class I was taking during the summer. I wasted my ENTIRE summer for a class that I didn’t even pass! My mom and dad were very supportive of me though. I think they noticed how hard I really tried for that class, because I truly looked defeated and like I didn’t want to continue anymore. They gave words of encouragement and comforted me. It took me a while to get over it of course, but I told them my plan to retake it next year in the summer, and they supported me. By then, I had a feeling that i wasn’t going to be graduating with my best friends in Spring 2018.

4th year

Fall 2017! Which was at the time, my senior year of college (: I made it this far, and I couldn’t believe it because of all the freakin’ hardships I went through in the past. But this was my senior year, and I was so ready for a new academic year. I took 4 classes, one being an online class offered at UC Riverside. It was a lighter load than usual, but this one bio 110 class was killing me. The first exam for that course was so difficult, I did horrible on it. From then on, I still did not improve in the class. The exams were all short answer questions and the professors expected very specific/detailed answers. I was taking this class with one of my best friends, Ice, and even though we both struggled in the class, it was nice to know that I wasn’t alone in this. She helped me majorly with studying and checking in on me, and I appreciate her so much. I ended the semester with a good standing, but I failed that bio class, which to me now was not surprising.

Spring semester rolled around and the first thing I did was go and talk to my advisor to see if I would be able to walk in the Spring Commencement with my friends. I was told yes, but I would need to take 3 classes during the summer. And I really, really considered it because 1) I wanted SOO badly to graduate with my friends because I didn’t want to stay another semester at school if they weren’t going to be there, and 2) I just thought I needed to finish in 4 years because that was just the norm. I thought long and hard about it, and I ended up just taking my time during the semester. I was taking 3 classes, one of which of I was retaking. I was taking 2 upper div BIO classes and 1 upper div ESS class, which I thought wasn’t too bad. But boy...was I wrong. My bio classes were still so difficult and required so much work out of me, I became stressed and slightly depressed. I would have random bursts of me being so angry with myself and I still never stopped self-harming. It was my way of punishing myself because no one else was going to. I’d get anxiety attacks (at the time, i just thought they were asthma attacks) before a test or a quiz or even when I was just thinking about something that made me anxious. Those really affected my work in school. It got so bad that I gave into my friends words, and began going to CAPs, the counseling services offered on campus. I went once a week, talked with my therapist, but I wasn’t going for myself. I was only attending the appointments to show my friends that I was actually going. I didn’t take it seriously and wasn’t truthful throughout my time there, but when my therapist told me I didn’t need to come in anymore, I immediately took that advice and stopped going towards the middle of the semester (which was a huge mistake I didn’t know I was making). As the semester was coming to an end, I was starting to accept the fact that my friends will be graduating and I won’t be. My plan then was to graduate before 2018 ended (because that was supposedly MY YEAR to graduate), so I still had that chance to do so in the coming fall semester. I struggled as usual, studied my butt off for finals and barely got any sleep, all while working at the Campus Store. I ended the semester with a good standing, but yet again, not passing that one darn bio class. Now i had 2 classes that I failed twice; Ochem and BIO 110. I was slowly giving up, slowly becoming less and less motivated to even finish this college thing, and slowly having negative thoughts flooding into my mind saying that I couldn’t do this anymore. But, I attended my best friends graduation and watched them walk across that stage. My own mistakes and disappointment in myself didn’t make me any less proud of them. I was SO overjoyed to see them walk and finish college. But the thought of them leaving did affect me. They were my support system in school because they knew about ALL of my struggles and my mental health, no one else did, not even my family. So it sucked to know that I had to continue on in the fall semester without them by my side.

I took summer classes though. I enrolled in 3. After spring semester ended, I went straight into summer sessions. I was retaking bio 110 and ochem, which I had to petition to retake for the third time. I was also taking a pysch class because I needed the units to graduate. I can’t stress this enough, but this was the absolute WORST summer of my life. I became so depressed and had anxiety almost every single time I was by myself. I know some people won’t understand how this feels, but best believe me, it felt like all of the life was drained out of me, literally. I started going back to my therapist and this time I started off right. I was truthful with her, and told her EVERYTHING that bothered me. I even told her that I did have suicidal thoughts and that I have been self-harming frequently. She encouraged me to go on medicine for how I was feeling, but with the stigma around taking medicine for your mental health, I was a little iffy. I asked my friends for advice and I went to go see a doctor to talk about it more in depth, and a week later I started taking it, twice a day. Slowly throughout the summer session, I was getting better. But I was alone for most of it. I did my best to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t have to think about the bad thoughts. I would go to my classes during the day, go home to rest and eat something for like an hour, and then head back to campus to study because I just could not handle being alone in that house at all. I didn’t even trust myself on the weekends. I made plans to go home every weekend because who knows what I could have done to myself when I wasn’t around people. I was very aware of my condition and I didn’t want to risk it, so I went home every weekend, enjoyed my time with my family, up until I had to go back to Merced on Sundays. THANKFULLY, that summer ended, I passed ALL of my classes, and I went straight into the fall semester.

5th year

So, my senior, senior year, Fall 2018. I was excited to start because during the summer I was just all alone and no one I knew was on campus. It sucked. This time I’d be working with my coworkers, I’d be seeing some of my friends in classes, so I was feeling better than I did in the summer. I still took my medication regularly and attended my appointments, everything was well! I was even going out a lot more with my friends, which was very rare for me. I didn’t think that after my 2 best friends graduated, I would make other friends, but I did (: I was taking my last bit of upper division bio classes that I needed to graduate, and I ended up with one of the hardest ones at the UC. I really tried to get out of it, but I couldn’t, and ended up just suffering through that class. Ice, one of my best friends, was very helpful to me in this class. She tried her best to teach me as much as she could, but it was just me. I couldn’t get the material at all. I was slowly getting better at thinking more optimistic, but as the semester came to an end, I came up short once again, failing that bio class. I was supposed to be DONE this semester. I even participated in my Fall Graduation and walked across that stage, but I didn’t pass one class. I was on academic probation, again. It really sucked, like really, really sucked I had to go back for another semester, but I knew dwelling on it wasn’t going to change anything. So I got to work, and petitioned for another semester. Shout out to my friend Vanessa, for helping me through that process, (along with so many other things she’s helped me with. bless her soul, I’m so glad I got closer to her this past year (’: ). Along with that, I had told some people about my medicine and my mental health, and as I suspected, they did not understand. I didn’t get the support I thought I would get, and I was judged for being on medicine that was helping me get better. It was whatever though, I was just glad I didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore, and I never brought it up to them ever again. I was fine with knowing that some people wouldn’t understand, but at least I knew my close friends did, and I appreciate them so much.

Going back to my petition for a new semester, I got it approved! and I was back at UC Merced for my last and final semester! This was my last chance here, because I was maxed out of semesters also. I didn’t like the fact that I took 5 years, but I got over it soon enough. Everyone has their own pace and it’s no race to get your degree. As long as you never give up and you get it. This semester ran way smoother than ALL of my past semesters combined. I was working and I was a part time student, also taking a human anatomy class at the community college in town. It didn’t really hit me that this was my last semester, until I went in and took my last ever final at the UC. All of the friends that I made in my last year here, they were all graduating like me. I’ve gotten so close to so many of them. It was a bittersweet feeling because these friends I made mean so much to me and as harsh as it may sound, I didn’t think I’d be so affected by them. I thought that after my group of friends that graduated in 2018 left, I’d be a loner and done with saying ‘see you laters’ to people. But i’m so glad that wasn’t the case, because I love my group of friends that I made, just as much as my other group of friends. Special shoutout to Susan, because she was the one person who actually got me and I related to. Thank you for being there! Same to Vanessa, whom I grew very close to this past year. Thank you for being another person I could talk to about anything. Being that only a select few knew about that part of me, I felt comfortable with sharing issues about my mental health to you, so thank you so so much for being there for me.

Just 4 days ago, I saw that my final for my last class at the UC was graded, and I didn’t pass the class. I was absolutely devastated AND EMBARRASSED. Here I was, telling everyone I’d be finishing this semester, when I just received an email saying that I didn’t pass the class by 2%. TWO PERCENT. I only told 3 people about this, and they supported me in whatever I needed to do. I was all out of semesters at the UC too so I was stressed out about what I was going to do. My friends told me it was going to be okay, it’s alright if I need to go back to a different university to retake just one class, and they even advised me to email the professor in hopes that she would understand my situation. But, I tried to not let it get the best of me because my friends were going to be graduating that weekend, and I wanted to show up for them and cheer them on. So I enjoyed my weekend and saw my friends all look beautiful and walk across that stage. I made them leis and helped them get ready before the ceremony, and yeah (’: I’m so proud of them. Here’s some pictures of them down below! Shoutout to Vanessa and Andres and Ari and Cynthia and to Susan and Zhane and Jelena and Keanu! Congratulations to all of you guys, and the rest of the campus store graduates, whom i didn’t get to take pictures with! Y’all did it!

Then Monday came, and my class came into my mind again. I had emailed my professor over the weekend asking if there was anything I could do to just earn that 2%. She got back to me Sunday, saying that she was going to recheck my final and asked me to come by. So I was ready. I was about to head out to her office to meet with her, when I saw an email from her. In this email, she basically said that there was nothing she could do and that she couldn’t offer any extra points. I literally stopped in my tracks, and felt so defeated. I broke down crying because dude, my last and only class that I needed, and I didn’t pass it by 2%. I met with one of my friends, and she told me to still go and meet with her and explain my situation. This class was my ticket OUT and my ticket to my degree! Shoutout to Vanessa once more, for trying to help me out even from her own home in San Bernardino, and shoutout to Zhane for letting me sob my eyes out on her shoulder. Just yesterday, (and boy was it a loonnngg and emotional day yesterday), I got enough points needed to pass the class, and I can now OFFICIALLY SAY,

I GRADUATED FROM UC MERCED!!

I know it took me very long, and I know people will talk and judge, even the people very closest to me, but I could honestly care less. I finished at my own pace and I’m so very happy (’: past Alyssa cared SOO MUCH about doing the norm and listening to people who kept telling her that she couldn’t do it or that she wasn’t smart enough to be in college or to even be in her major because she kept failing classes. I wish I could’ve told her sooner that it doesn’t matter what they think. People can say what they want and you should just do you! If only I had known sooner to shut out those negative thoughts, then maybe I wouldn’t have struggled so much throughout my years here, but...I wouldn’t change my journey at all.

For people struggling with their mental health, it’s very important to reach out and ask for help. Take it from me, who for 3 years, kept denying that I had an actual problem and kept quiet about it. I bottled up so much that it got worse and worse every time I denied to go and seek help. I get it may be scary to speak about it to someone, but once you start talking to someone, you’ll slowly start to feel better.

Big, big thanks to my family, for supporting me in so many different ways. I know you all mean well, thank you for supporting me financially and emotionally and for allowing me to realize that I shouldn’t care what people say about me or my journey.

Thank you to ALL of my friends that I made here (’: I’m going to miss you guys so much. And to my friends who have graduated already and are doing things out there in the real world, I miss you guys so much and I hope everything is going well!

Thank you to UC Merced for this amazing and difficult journey lol you were tough, but I met so many amazing people because of you. I also (as cliche as this is) discovered myself because of you (’: you will always be seen as blessing in my life, and I will never forget the memories you gave me!

Just a reminder to everyone: I was on academic probation 4 times, I didn’t pass 9 classes, I withdrew from 1 class, and I never gave up. I’m not saying that failing so many times is okay to do, but what I want to express is that if you do fail, don’t let it get the best of you. Get back up and keep trying! Don’t give up! There were countless times where I wanted to give up EVERYTHING I worked so hard for, but I didn’t. To anyone who needs this and sees this, you got this (:

Now...for a song that is near and dear to my heart and really explains mine and many others journeys so well

youtube

#blyss #my college story #college #university #graduation #class of 2019 #class of 2018 #uc merced #mental health #anxiety #depression #blog

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rocketpowerreg · 6 years ago

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I’VE GOT HUNGRY EYES (flashback) → RAWRper

TAGGING→ @notthatharperlee @rocketpowerreg TIME→ August 18th, 2018, late evening (the day before the Flower Arrangers vs Showers Fall 2018 game) LOCATION→ A diner in Manhattan NOTES→ Deciding to hang out the night before the upcoming game, Harper and Reggie get food from a late night diner. Deeper feelings get realized, and even more unexpectedly, acted on AUTHOR’S NOTE → this shit is soft as fuck.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY 4TH BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!!

REGGIE CLIFFTON

When Reggie was younger, more competitive, and less physically damaged, the day before games had a specific process. She would get all her responsibilities done, and just mentally prepare for the challenge to come. That continued on through all her years of playing in a row, especially as she got better and her future starting relying on how good her stats were. But seventeen year old Regina Cliffton was vastly different than twenty three year old Regina Cliffton, for she had experienced life without soccer. She had survived past it, and found she could be okay still. Not perfect, but okay. Which made it easier to decide that instead of laying around alone, she could go out and enjoy the world. Maybe even enjoy it with the people around her.

With that logic, it was easy to see how Reggie winded up being with Harper at the late night diner Scout used to work at.

They had boarded there together from Harper's dorm, Reggie never minding to go the extra distance of going to get Harper rather than meet her places. Things were more fun with her, and her trusty stead had served them more than well. It was late at night, and despite being a Saturday, there was a lowkey crowd. Mostly just a few drunks on the other end of the restaurant. It was easy enough for the pair to be in their own world. Reggie's focus was on Harper as she gave an enthusiastic rendition of a Brachiosaurus eating a French fry. As always, Reggie found it adorably amusing, as proven by her laughter that she tried to cover with the sandwich in her hand. Yet her eyes never left Harper even between the chuckles.

Once properly composed and normal eating habits resumed, Reggie realized something she hadn't considered before, "You know, it's crazy because I've brought food from here to you. But I think this is the first time we've actually eaten here." Reggie straightened up, nearing the last few bites of her sandwich, and asking in a sincerely curious tone, "So what do you think, better as take out or does it have a good atmosphere?"

HARPER CLARINGTON

Harper paused mid-bite to consider Reggie’s question. The answer was complicated, after all. The truth was that she had visited the diner on more than one occasion while dating Spencer. It was a fact she hadn’t purposely kept hidden from the brunette, but it had never come up before tonight. Harper wasn’t oblivious to the way that Reggie was looking at her. Despite the slurred bumbling of the drunks in the background there was a marked difference between the atmosphere tonight and from their previous ‘dates.’ The last thing Harper wanted to do was ruin the moment by talking about her ex, formerly Reggie’s sworn enemy. True to her word, Harper had kept a guarded distance from the idea of having something more with Reggie. Her heart, however, had different ideas and despite her best intentions Harper had fallen for the culinary student.

Realizing that it would be easier to take her seriously sans sandwich, Harper set down her food and waited to reply until she had finished chewing. “You know how to throw the tough questions, Cliffton. Are you sure cooking is the right career path for you? Because I’m seeing some lawyer potential right now. Remind me to hire you as my defense team when the time comes,” she teased, playing into her well-known love of true crime. “Honestly, I’ve been here a few times before. Enough to say that no meal compares to sharing it with you.” An embarrassed flush colored her cheeks at the revelation and Harper ducked her head bashfully. A flash of neon in the corner caught her eye, providing the perfect distraction from the cheese she had just unleashed upon their table.

With a playful smirk she raised her head to meet Reggie’s gaze. “In fact, I’m certain the only thing that could make this better is some jukebox jams. What do you say?”

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Reggie was waiting patiently for Harper's response, always interested to know her thoughts on just about anything. That ranged from movie theories, to how she felt about certain sexual endeavors, and currently diner food. She smirked at Harper's first response, chuckling to herself and dropping her head a little in the process all in good fun. Given her humor didn't seem to always land with people, it was nice to have Harper around to make dumb jokes with. She quickly lifted her head though, and just as Reggie's eyes landed back on Harper, she was ducking hers. Except she had done it out of feeling flustered for what she said, and that made Reggie's expression soften. Despite her affinity with woman, Reggie wasn't used to having someone say sweet, genuine comments like Harper often did. In the beginning, those kinds of words made Reggie's own cheeks heat up out of uncertainty for the words, and knowing how genuine they were. As of late, she seemed to be able to accept them with a little more ease-- taking them right to heart instead of mind.

Reggie didn't say anything back, but her eyes didn't leave Harper, either. She just smiled and let her get herself composed. It was easy for Reggie to just observe what Harper did, finding her mesmerizing in many ways. At the mention of a jukebox, Reggie's eyes landed on the machine she was referencing. Having picked more than her fair share of songs on it, Reggie was more than aware of the jukebox at the diner. It was one of the most fancy ones she had ever seen, which meant that it had a vast music library, "I say you make a good point, bar royal. There's definitely something that could make this night better," Reggie agreed, sitting straight as she started to get herself out of the booth seating. While still at the same level as Harper, Reg swiftly leaned herself towards Harper to steal a quick kiss with a crafty smile on her lips after, "Like that. That makes for a better night. But a jukebox jam probably could, too."

Properly standing up, Reggie made her way to the high tech jukebox that was only mere steps away from where they had been sitting. She had no idea what she was looking for, though surely something would pop out, "Since you've been here before, you probably have some songs on here you know you like. You sure you want to trust me to pick the right one?" She teased, mostly just wanting to keep conversation with Harper despite being only a few feet away.

HARPER CLARINGTON

The witty remark Harper had prepared was lost as Reggie leaned in for a kiss. The charm of the atmosphere combined with the clear thought Reggie had put into the outing left her wanting to deepen the kiss. Knowing that would only succeed in them ending their night early or result in them getting banned from the diner and possibly cited for public nudity, Harper made a mental note to make up for it once they found themselves back in her dorm. She turned her attention back to Reggie, who was standing next to the jukebox with the kind of confident ease that had attracted her to the woman in the first place. “Don’t get too cocky there, Cliffton. What makes you so sure that a kiss from you wins out over the jukebox? For all you know, I’m a jukebox junkie.” The competitive nature that was hardwired in her took over as she teased the brunette, slipping in a reference to a favorite song from a childhood of accompanying one parent or the other to bars. Truth be told, it was hard for Harper to even joke that she would prefer anything over a kiss from Reggie. Not when she had spent every moment away from her counting down when they would see each other next. She was positive the bluff was written across her face as obvious as her feelings for Reggie.The woman was quickly carving out a space as someone dependable in her life, a fact that both terrified and excited Harper. Trusting someone that thoroughly didn’t come naturally to her, but with Reggie it had almost happened without a conscious effort. Harper stacked the empty plates at their table as she considered the question. “I’m sure I’m going to regret inflating that ego of yours later, but when have you ever let me down? Surprise me. I’ll even cover my eyes to give you a fair shot.” It wasn’t like she could even see the selection screen from where she was sitting, but Harper wanted to play up the stakes. Reaching back, she pulled the hood of a sweatshirt she had ‘borrowed’ from Reggie earlier that week down low over her eyes and waited.

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Ah, that quick wit. It always managed to get a smile out of Reggie, even if it came as a playful jab her way. Having someone to laugh with felt nice, especially when it went both ways. Reggie had a hand on the jukebox, leaning over it's touchscreen as she was scrolling, tossing a, "You raise a good point, your highness. Consider me humbled." Which, given the smirk on her lips, it was clear that she wasn't humbled in the slightest. She knew Harper well enough to be aware she was thinking of wanting more than just a kiss, mainly because Reggie was, too. But they'd get there eventually.

For now though, she needed a song, and almost as if a gift from the universe was being presented did Reggie find the perfect choice. It was coming up next with the current song already coming to an end. When Reggie was younger, music played only a small role in her life as she tried to distance herself from it given her father was a musician. It wasn't as if not listening to any music got back at him, but Reggie just didn't develop a connection to it. Not until she was in college and dance had been part of her rehab process. Getting into dance made her appreciate rhythm, melodies, lyrics, and the sensation music brought all the more. She had also got much more into movies and television while she was injured, which left a perfect cross section genre of songs from movies. Ones considered iconic, and perfect for a night to just be playful and at ease with good company, "Hey Clarington, turn around," she called out as she she stood there by the jukebox waiting.

Only moments later did the opening beats of Hungry Eyes from Dirty Dancing started play, Reggie was very confident in her choice. She gave Harper a smile as they locked eyes, her shoulders shimmying a little to the bells of the song. Once the lyrics began, she was dramatically mouthing the words, her focus never straying far from Harper,"I've been meaning to tell you/I've got this feelin' that won't subside," Reggie started she started moving over towards Harper with moves that both had some skill behind them, while mixed with a goofy, over exaggerated nature. Still, the steps remained to the beat despite it all, "I look at you and I fantasize/You're mine and tonight/Now I've got you in my sights" Reggie's brow quirked a little suggestively at that line, one of her hands with two fingers pointing at Reggie's own eyes before turning to point them at Harpers. Reggie's smile was nothing short of playful.

As the chorus began, Reggie was back to being near their booth and extended her hand out for Harper to take. Her head even motioned little as if to beckon Harper further. Reggie had a smile on her face was full of life, while remaining soft as she wanting to be inviting for Harper to join her. It wasn't lost on her they were in public-- normally Reggie kept a certain front on for the world in order to only be seen as she wanted to be seen. But they were in a diner that was familiar, even if Scout was gone now, and Reggie was with someone who had see many sides of her already. The comfort ability was there between them for Reggie, even in a diner that had drunks and overworked staff, and that spoke volumes.

HARPER CLARINGTON

At Reggie’s request Harper lowered the hood of the sweatshirt and turned to face the jukebox. The dying notes of the last song were quickly replaced by the sound of Hungry Eyes, a song from the movie she had watched countless times with Hunter. Truth be told, Harper couldn’t have picked a better song herself. The lyrics seemed to voice the thoughts she had been having moments earlier and she couldn’t help but think of the vicious way Hunter would razz her if she could see how her heart was starting to beat in time with the chorus. She watched fervently as Reggie began to lip-sync along in time with the song, the performance becoming increasingly lively as it continued on. At the sight of Reggie pointing her out, Harper threw her hand against her forehead in a mock faint. It was no secret that Harper wasn’t afraid to put herself out there in the name of a good dinosaur impression, but this was the first time she had ever seen Reggie let loose in public. It was hard to imagine how they had gotten to this point when she considered the fact that just a couple of months ago the soccer player was merely an emotional hook-up for her.

Before she had time to contemplate their relationship further, Harper grabbed the woman’s extended hand and was swept up onto her feet. She let her arms gently wrap around her Reggie’s neck as she found the rhythm of the music and let the diner fade into the background until it was just the two of them in that moment. Unwilling to let Reggie completely upstage her, Harper dramatically mouthed along to the chorus. It wasn’t until the final line that she hit a small stumbling block- the word love. Like a flash of lightning across the night sky the lyrics clued Harper in to what she was missing all along. She hadn’t just fallen for Reggie, she loved her. Somewhere along the way of learning how to board and trying to convince herself that she would be fine keeping things casual-ish between them Harper had given away her heart.

Now did I take you by surprise?

As far as the Clarington sisters went, Harper was nowhere near as reserved as Hunter when it came to letting someone in. That, however, didn’t mean she wasn’t cautious. It took a long time for her to truly become comfortable with another person and allow them to witness her at her most vulnerable. Her rule had been simple. Don’t let anyone get close enough to have the opportunity to hurt her like her parents had. Months ago Harper had written off Spencer as an exception to that rule. Now, it seemed, Reggie had snuck through the cracks without her even noticing. And already Harper could say that she was worth the risk.

The song was starting to wind down and Harper was at a loss for words. She closed the distance between them with a kiss, wishing she could say everything on her mind. Instead, she settled for the witty comments that had become synonymous with her name. “So, humble knight, was it your intention to literally sweep me off my feet or is it just my lucky night?”

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Dancing in a diner had not been part of Reggie's original plan when deciding to take Harper to the diner tonight. Which, granted, there was hardly much of a plan to begin with as she simply wanted to have the courage to ask Harper to the diner in the first place. Unbeknownst to the girl she had in her arms, Reggie was viewing this night very much as a date. She didn't want to tell Harper on the off chance it would cause a panic in some part of Reggie's conscious-- however it didn't. She had just felt excited nerves, one she had assumed were very much long gone. Her and Harper had gone and done similar outings, Reggie wasn't blind to that, yet she had always been keen to only see them as hang outs. Calling this night with Harper date was a major step she needed to take, and it was going better than expected. The patience and understanding that Harper continually brought her over the months had been paying off for both of them. The idea of opening herself to romance and love had started to sound obtainable.

It took no time on Reggie's end to kiss Harper back nearing the end of their dance. She could practically taste there being extra emotion behind it and that caused Reggie to try and match it. All things considered, it wasn't hard to do so in the slightest. She felt deeply for Harper Clarington, and Reggie accepting that much was another personal accomplishment. a grin broke out at Harper's question, feeling prideful at the fact she could still sweep a girl off her feet, or more accurately, that she could sweep Harper off her feet. With their eyes meeting, Reggie's grin didn't falter when she answered with, "Can't it be both?" as her hands moved from being on Harper's hips to instead loosely have them around her waist, pulling their body's a little bit closer. There was a moment of silence as the songs switched, and it seemed a lot like time stood still in that time, though it certainly hadn't.

While the night wasn't over, Reggie felt that it had been a success so far. Enough of one that she was feeling braver, calmer, more at ease. So she wet her lips and tilted her head, formulating words in her mind before pressing on, "I was thinking... in a couple weeks we should do beach camping. The season's going to be over, you'll be all moved in, but school's still not starting. I'll be done with my externship..." Reggie listed, knowing that it wasn't like she needed to convince Harper but with how well it all lined up, it seemed too perfect not to make note of, "So, what do you say? Want to venture out into wilderness and see if my choices in songs are as good as my survival skills? Promise there will be s'mores a plenty."

HARPER CLARINGTON

“I wouldn’t have mentioned both options if it weren’t fitting,” Harper quipped, her eyes lingering on the irresistible way that Reggie wouldn’t stop grinning. The mere weight of the brunette’s hands on her hips would have been enough to sweep her off her feet on a normal day, but Harper wasn’t about to disclose that fact. Better to let her discover it later, when they inevitably fell into bed and could let their hands do the talking. For the first time she wished she could freeze this moment- the two of them dancing in a beat down diner with only eyes for the other. But this wasn’t a movie and before long the last song faded, leaving them standing in silence.

Any further thoughts she had were interrupted as Reggie posed the question of beach camping to her. Now this, this was the something more she had been hoping for. It wasn’t a proclamation, but Harper could see it for what it was; a step. In her experience, steps were always the harder of the two- and for Reggie? She was happy to take as many steps as were needed. So with her heart beating a frantic tempo, Harper nodded. “Looks like my fate is in your hands, Reggie Cliffton, because that sounds perfect.”

#*para: all #*para: 011 #*c: harper #*para: harper #// this wasn't supposed to be a flashback para but now it is and SOMEHOW THAT'S WORSE

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