#Gonna take an early night if I can | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

masquenoire · 2 years ago

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Naughty or Nice?

“Just one, huh? Guess I’d better start upping my game.”

#( 💀 ♮ DASHBOARD DECEPTION ♮ | memes )#Last meme for a while I promise!#Wolfy said I had to do this quiz too so I did #Oh boy is Roman on a lot of naughty lists haha #He doesn't mind since Christmas was always a horrible occasion growing up #Ughhh my chest feels so heavy and thick #Gonna take an early night if I can #I must write soon and not fuck around with memes #Sorry sorry to disappoint any of you #I think I'm getting back into a better headspace again but I'm exhausted between work and my health getting worse #At least I'm starting outpatient treatment in Jan so maybe they can make things a bit more managable #Need to start taking blood pressure more often also it's surprisingly low

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criscura · 5 months ago

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I want to get to the good part of this blastvoid thing I'm writing but i do NOT want to write the part before it and I'm procrastinating so fucking hard

Like i know what i want and it'll be satisfying but it's like the reverse of eating beef jerky, where this is the tough gross part you just need to swallow before getting to the fucking SPPIUCCE

#I'm writing their early days when blast first realizes a) fucking void is an option and b) he REALLY wants to #but it's in the middle of a one night stand with a woman #and I'm just......so uninterested in most straight stuff......like unless its genderfuckery with the characters cause that's cool #also hard because i really believe background characters should have their own lives so trying to write these OCs as likable and believable #without them taking to too much time #or at least if they do have them be fun enough that it's fine #and also having it be believable that they'll go about their business even after the story moves on from them #hard too to get into the head of a frat bro/fuckboy which is kinda how i see Blast #or rather it's hard to write him without making him either too soft or too gross #like the way i like and see women isn't necessarily the way a guy like that would and it's tough to figure out where the crossover is #so i can use it to make this whole thing more believable #i REALLY want it to be clear that blast and void do not have the kind of relationship that would be good for anyone else #and probably really isn't even good for them #but that requires a fair amount of build up to get it across the way I'd like #like blast is fixated on void and so hyper aware of everything he does that he's almost #but not quite #scared of him #and void knows what he's doing because blast is the Goldie Locks of candidates for someone to help him with the GOD stuff #and he D O E S N O T want him going anywhere so he's gonna keep him close using every trick in the book #but blast IS charismatic and he IS fun and he DOES make daily life a lot more pleasant #so he's uncomfortably attached too #but blast has zero fucking for clue about any of that other than he's aware of just **how little** he knows about void #IT'S A FUCKING LOT OF SUBTEXT TO GET ACROSS WITH A CHARACTER I'M STRUGGLING WITH #I'm going to do it but MAN #blastvoid

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upperranktwo · 29 days ago

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Good morning!!!!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🎃 👻🕷🕸

#spooky vibes all day everyday!!!!#will be spending today with my nephews #we don't do trick or treating since my mum was against it growing up #didnt want us taking things from strangers ever since we live in a literal shithole lol #so we are just gonna have a little party with the kids and chill out!#going out with my friends on Sunday so i can do my make up then!!!#i fell asleep super early last night definitely was a busy day!!!

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seventh-district · 3 days ago

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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

#normal Saturday morning behavior #redacted spoilers #redacted audio #redacted sam #Seven.txt #rp audio stuff #well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold #and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet #eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info #bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts #which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn #like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared #anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort #and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way #but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time #when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm #i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me #then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad #but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d #hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share #but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope #which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually #anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time #Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something #*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow

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beeduoo · 8 months ago

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would u try

#i would take a bite #ctubbo #ctubbo fanart #i will never use the main cc tag thay is so scary i feel like im way too early 2021 pilled my username is gonna get me on a list somwhere😭😭#it is 2024 #sorreyyy no big pieces lately i am in School and actually that has nothign to do with it i just like to spend 3 hours walking around my Park #IT WAS BEAUTIFUL TODAY LIKE OMG.insanw ir was 80 degrees perfect weather i Trained to school and Back it was so nice and oughgh when i went #to the park after it was LIFERLALY THE PERFECT WEATHEE like all that crazy wind from the day before GONE i was so happy and the clouds were #so beautiful i love the park i lovvee my town i literallu]t live in heaven im so serious]d #tomorrow i will make zucchini bread.....i need to write this essay too but then IM FREE i can lock in i literally finished my part for this #history project in like an hour i am a Pro Procrastinator i got that😅😅#thays it for tofay i think nothing crazy ok good night #read gourmet hound on webtoon its SOO GOOODDS every time i think of sweets i think of thay damn Webtoon #omg i need to write a rant abour that but not today.....Tomorrow maybe i have so much to say about that ok bue

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orcelito · 1 month ago

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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

#speculation nation #IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha #this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test #an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc #very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA #but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep #(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.

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callixton · 11 months ago

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oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago

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...

#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water #my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort #bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle #the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum #isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year #program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to #get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying #as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol #hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of #sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess #but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it #hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not #causing it. ugh symptom management i guess #unrelated

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the-kipsabian · 4 months ago

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i got so excited about getting an email that my stamps have shipped

is this what being an adult is like?

#anyways gonna have stamps hopefully by thursday so i can send the rest of my things out #im getting two in the mail tomorrow as they are priority and rest when the stamps get here #..and that big one when i overcome social anxiety and take it to the post office to confirm how much it weights so i can ship it properly #which will hopefully be next weeks tuesday since im in town #but yeah! bracelets should be going out soon finally! i didnt get the last ones back after sending them so its a good sign!#tho its been almost a week and now im concerned where are they since i havent been told theyve arrived so...#need to remember international postage is slow ough #but yeah. all should be good at least. so excited to finally get things to people 💜💜💜#which means im motivated and inspired to make more soooo hopefully another shop update by friday. maybe sneak peeks early? 👀#and comms are open ofc if you want something specific 💜#okay no more ramble time i gotta eat and take care of few important things before i can sit down to make bracelets ough #night is an absolute mess on main

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vogelmeister · 7 months ago

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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

#i love them but im gonna explain #i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did #but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes #i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now #in healthcare no less #but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad #im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts #like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no #and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face #even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too #bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall #bc i feel we don’t do this any more #i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go #i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her #bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort #my other situation is my childhood best friend #i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long #and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins #but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis #even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins #bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st #like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup #even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back #bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me #and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it #but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back #i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag #idk its a lot. thank u for listening

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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ate a big breakfast this morning and took my meds when I got to work so an hour later than usual let's see if this makes a difference

#might just mean the crash hits an hour later today we'll see #if it doesnt help then tmr maybe ill take it half an hour before i eat just to see if that affects how i absorb it or smth #i just gotta get to saturday.. i can play around with it a little bit #im a little tired my sleeps felt weird the last few days. also woke up early and tried to get back to sleep but kept having scary dreams #abt various Creatures.. ah!!#and im def coming down with a mild cold my nose has been stuffy n my hearings worse than usual :-( but ill survive #just gotta make it to this evening.... we r watching titane btw >:)#yesterday we almost watched another weird pregnancy movie LOL but i thought 2 nights inna row might be a bit much #i do still wanna see it tho.. ik roommate was gonna watch it this week anyway maybe ill ask if she would mind me joining #its called good manners btw. 2017 portuguese lesbian werewolf movey..#anyway gotta get some work done sigh.. see yall later if i make it out alive #.diaries

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thedreadvampy · 1 year ago

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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.