#Gompers the goat

[selineram3421]

⯅ or 🔼 or ⚠️

You're Off-key

Part 2

Part 1

Reader X Gravity Falls

Warnings ⚠

⚠ some book of bill spoils, swearing, blood, mentions of dead body, everyone is aged up, haha boy bands, mention of board games ⚠

Ohmyglobohmyglobohmyglobohmyglob! You thought as the golf cart got closer to the roadside attraction.

Then you saw a familiar goat eating a tin can, and then it turns to look at you.

Very on brand Gompers. You thought before going back to panicking again. OK BUT WHAT DO I DO NOW!?

As you continued to think of answers to multiple questions they might ask, the golf cart stopped and the two brown haired twins hopped out and stood next to you to help you out.

"Careful, we don't want you passing out again.", Dipper says and picks up your backpack, then holds a hand out for you.

"Pshh! Move over!", Mabel pushes her brother to the side. "I'm helping them! I wanna know more about our new mysterious friend!"

"Mabel! They are hurt, we have to help them down carefully!"

"Well, we need to get them into the shack quickly to bandage their still bleeding head! Have you seen the golf cart seat!? The top is all bloody!"

"Wait, what?", you say as the two continue arguing and turn around to see the top of the seat that was behind your head.

Sure enough, there is blood.

"Oh, ew.", you say and get off the cart yourself. "Hey, it's fine. I can walk on my own."

After you take a step, you immediately almost fall and the two react fast, holding you up by your arm, one on each.

Weak.

"Ok, maybe I'm not as fine as I thought.", you laugh.

"What do you mean? We thought-", Mabel began.

"HEY MABEL! Didn't you have some juice in the freezer? If you don't get it out now you'll have to wait for it to unfreeze!", Dipper says quickly.

"OH MY GOSH YOU'RE RIGHT!", his sister says and pushes your weight onto her brother before rushing inside. "I'M COMING MABEL JUICE!"

Ow, my ears...

"Sorry about that.", he apologizes and walks you into the shack. "Mabel can say some random things and I didn't want her talking your ear off haha."

You are led into the kitchen and are seated on one of the yellow chairs near the table. After he walks off, you take in the cool air conditioning inside the house and sigh.

Maybe this isn't as bad as I thought? You leaned forward and rest your arms on the table before resting your head on your arms.

"DIPPER! WHY DO I SEE YOU DRAGGING A DEAD BODY ON THE SECURITY CAMERAS!?"

Did you really look that bad?

"They aren't dead Grunkle Stan!", the twin says back to the older generation twin.

"Do I have blood on my face?", you mumble to yourself.

Dipper turns back to you with gauze. "Uh, yeah? It's not that bad though.", he says smiling nervously.

I look like a dead body for sure. You sigh but don't call him out on his bluff.

"Ok Dipper.", you smile back.

As he starts to clean off some blood, Mabel then comes back from...you don't know where with an empty pitcher that has left over glitter and plastic dinosaurs in the bottom.

"I forgot to offer.", she says.

"That's fine. I still have water in my backpack.", you say.

Gauze is now starting to be wrapped around your head, then you hear someone else walk into the kitchen.

"Ok dudes, who bled on the golf cart? Cuz the cops are outside wondering if it's hot sauce.", the man, the legend, Soos asks wearing the Mr. Mystery suit.

"Soos!", Mabel says and goes over to the man after putting the pitcher in the sink. "We picked up a bleeding person that we found in the woods! AND LOOK!", she then gestures to you as Dipper finishes tying the bandage off. "They are wearing a cool sweater!"

A sweater? You look down and indeed find yourself in a zip up sweater. Ugh..no wonder it was so damn hot outside. Taking off your sweater to tie around your waist, you keep an ear perked to hear their conversation.

"Whoa, are they like a magical person?", Soos asks.

"MmMhm.", Mabel shrugs her shoulders. "We could always find out."

Nope! You stand up and then wobbly sit back down. Maybe I shouldn't get up yet.

"You ok?", Dipper asks.

"Yeah, I just wanted to get my water bottle from my backpack.", you come up with quickly.

"Oh, let me.", he says and picks up your pack and sets it on the table.

"So...", Mabel says sliding over. "Do you like boy bands?"

"Not the time-"

"Actually I do.", you respond. "I like the Front-road Guys."

"Well, do I have a story to tell!", she smiles widely.

"Oh boy..", her twin sighs.

You don't know what you started.

⯅

"Sometimes we'll still see them scampering around the woods and eating out our trash.", Mabel says as she finishes telling you about the boy band clone story.

"Wow, ok.", you say, shocked because she told you more details than what the show revealed. "That's crazy."

"Yeah, that was fun.", she smiles.

You've been introduced to Soos, and then you were given a small tour after the twins made sure you wouldn't wobble like a baby deer anymore. Now you were walking to meet the Grunkle.

I was sure the older twins were on a boat. Did they come back for the summer? That's nice. You thought and found Stan sitting in front of the t.v. wearing his house clothes.

Which is just an undershirt, boxers, and slippers.

The old man turns after Mabel says. "HI GRUNKLE STAN!"

"Who's the mummy?", he points at you and drinks from the pitt-cola can in his hand.

"The one who you thought was a dead body.", you say before the twins next to you can speak.

"Ha! Good to see you're not dead.", Stan says before turning back to watch a rerun episode of Ducktective.

Then they have you wait for something..

You're not quite sure and they sit you down at the table where the card games and some family meetings were held from what you saw in the episodes, still in the living room.

The back of your head still hurt, not bleeding from the recent check ups Mabel has been giving you but it still felt like your head was stuffed with cotton and your hearing was kinda going to shit too. You don't know how many times you've asked either twin to repeat themselves.

Maybe a nap would be good.

"And we brought them back here!", you hear Mabel say, probably going to introduce you to some other character person.

"Exactly where in the woods did you find them?", a familiar voice says.

Oh shit! It's Ford! FUCK!

You do your best to keep a straight face as you see them enter the room.

Shit. Fuck. Shit shit FUCK!

Then the author of the journals is standing in front of you with a small flashlight.

"Hello, I'm Ford. My niece and nephew probably already told you about me.", he says and kneels slightly to get to your eye level. "I'm going to run a series of tests to see how severe your concussion is."

"Oh, ok.", you reply as calmly as you could.

"Follow this flashlight with your eyes.", he says and moves it left to right.

You do so, this scenario reminding you of doctor tests that you've done once after getting hit in the head with a soccer ball during P.E.

Then the six fingered man turns the flashlight on to see how your pupils react.

Woop! Woooo.. Woop! Woooo...

You make sound effects in your head as you dilate and constrict your pupils.

Maybe I do need to take that nap...

"Sorry.", you blink and look at Ford. "I think I'm just super tired."

"Hmm..", the old twin hums and puts the flashlight away. "It's too late to go to the clinic now, why don't you stay in a spare room?", he says as he stands up.

Huh?

"Oh my gosh!", Mabel smiles wide and places her hands on her cheeks. "It's a sleepover!!"

HUH?

"It's not a sleepover Mabel, they are just staying here until the clinic opens.", Dipper sighs.

HUH!?

"Please no loud music that'll burst eardrums. I don't think it would help.", Ford says and begins to walk away towards the gift shop door.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

"WAIT!", you stand up quickly and lean on the table with your hand for support. "Why let me stay?", you ask, specifically to Ford.

The man looks over his shoulder, glasses glinting from a light coming from the t.v.

"I'm a random person they-", you gesture to the younger twins. "found in the woods and know nothing about me! Frankly, if it were me, I would watch that random person like a hawk!"

You're honestly afraid. You don't know how things will turn out. Ford will do anything to protect the twins, same with Stan.

"If you were dangerous, you wouldn't be able to get too far with that head injury.", Ford replies. "You'll need to change your bandages in the morning.", he finishes and leaves the room.

He..has a point.

All you do is slowly sit back down and sigh.

I'm so tired.

"Sooo...", Mabel says as she walks over to you. "Wanna play board games?"

Well, at least the family doesn't find me as a threat. Which is good.

"Got anything stress inducing?", you smile.

You're pretty sure they still have that board game that's like Jumanji.

01000111 01101111 01101101 01110000 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110100 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111

~Seline, the person.

Part 3

Taglist@

@diffidentphantom @sleep-7372 @boredwithlifeatthispoint @mspurpl3 @gxstiess @lynkolnevans @fries11 @+?

👁️

GF List🏞️ | YO-🎹

[sorebelflower]

[theeddyinbetween]

dipper’s guide to the unexplained #667 “lucifer”

(no goats were sacrificed to the devil in the making of this video)

[hereforagoodtimenotasmarttime]

Why Gompers the goat is one of the most underrated characters in Gravity Falls

Despite being in over 20 episodes, getting multiple Journal 3 mentions, having dialogue directly referring to him, kicking off the plot of several episodes, including Weirdmageddon, he is barely mentioned by the fandom.

The majority of Gompers focus from the fandom has been being the subject of theories trying to connect him to Bill Cipher, due to the similarities in their eye design. While not confirmed to be connected to Bill Cipher, it is stated in the Book of Bill that goat pupils do not change when he possesses them, possibly as a reference to the theory.

Although any connection to Bill Cipher is only speculation, he is supernatural in his own right.

Gompers first came to Mystery Shack when a man attempted to pay for a tour with a baby goat. Based on Stan’s love of money, it can be presumed that he denied the offer. However the goat stayed, as confirmed by Alex Hirsch. By July 13th 2000, as seen in season 2 episode 8, “Blendins’s Game”, Gompers lives at the Mystery Shack.

In the present day Gompers is mostly a background character, only occasionally interacting with the main cast.

In season 1 episode 18, “Boyz Crazy” Gompers makes his first contribution to the plot. He chews off Ergman Bratsman’s license plate, getting him arrested and starting the conflict of the episode.

His second and more serious contribution to the plot is in season 2 episode 13, “Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons” when he attempts to eat Dipper’s 38 sided die. Dipper tries to get him to stop, causing him to fall through the roof of Ford’s lab. This begins the plot of the episode where in Ford and Dipper bond, allowing Ford to trust Dipper enough to help him repair the rift, leading to the beginning of Weirdmageddon.

All of this already makes Gompers an interesting character, but there may be even more to him than meets the eye. When asked about his opinion on Gompers, the official Bill Cipher Reddit account repiled “I LIKE HIM BETTER THIS WAY” implying he wasn’t always like this. In Journal 3 there’s a coded message on the page after “The Carny” page. After decoding the message it says “NEVER TRUST A WITCH SHELL CURSE YOUR EAR AND TURN YOU INTO AN IMMORTAL GOAT SO I HEAR” despite this not directly referring to Gompers, as the only goat in Gravity Falls we can assume that he was cursed, and turned into an immortal goat.

Maybe we’ll learn more about this mysterious goat, or perhaps he will remain one of Gravity Fall’s unsolved mysteries.

[bubblegumb1tch111]

Hahahahaha this scene had no right to make me laugh like that

Wait a minute................

GOMPERS?!!!!!!!

[annabeth-katniss-granger]

Im SORRY?? Why is NO ONE pointing this out???

BISEXUAL FLAG!! HELLO!?

Both Waddles and Gompers are male? Mable match made a bi couple

BI GOAT AND THE PIG

[nellandvoid]

i was gonna make a less complicated intro to this oc but whoops my hand slipped!

anyway meet the wayfinder, aka diane orosco! she’s a bounty hunter who’s been traveling the multiverse for ten years by the time stanford first meets her (aka the oracle, for reasons beyond our comprehension (she loves drama) dropped him off at where she was staying when he was almost fully healed)

lucky for her, she’s been looking for him ever since she started her dimension hopping. unlucky for him, she knew a stanford in her dimension, and let’s just say things did not end very well between them!

i have so many thoughts about her which i’m uber excited to share soon

i was super proud of the coloring, so this time silhouette is under the cut, along with a shaded version

[itsmejxstxr]

Gravity Falls: Search For The Blind Eye

Do you still remember this website?

A non-Disney affiliated website (now deleted)

Launched on August 1, 2013

It is currently unknown who ran the website and since it has gone offline.

The name is based off the Cryptogram deciphered in the end credits sequence of "Gideon Rises"

Go to the website "Themysteryofgravityfalls.com"

Input "5-19-23-6-21-16 18-9-6 4-16-19 22-12-15-10-20-19-25-19.

Click A1Z26, then

Click ATBASH, last

Click CAESAR -3

Inside this website, you can find several codes and...

(A Forgotten Tale)

"Grembert The Wizard"

Page 1.1

Page 1.2.1

Page 1.2.2

In the 3rd paragraph (page 1.1), the witch mentioned that she has a sister who takes hands.

That means, that witch is the "Hand-Witch"

A cryptogram code from Journal 3: Palm Reader's Page

A message from Bill Cipher that translated to "Never trust a witch. She'll curse your ear and turn you into an immortal goat... So I hear."

Do you know who I'm thinking?

2015 Reddit: Bill Cipher's AMA (Left)

Alex Hirsch's 2016 Tweet (Right)

Does that mean, Grembert The Wizard and Gomper are the same?

[ggoatoat]

Who is the GOAT?

[ineffable-hyperfixation]

*very loud heavy sigh*

Edit: yes it did just hit me that Gompers is a goat and Waddles is a pig

FUCK

[sherpagutz]

@athgalla look at him look at Gomper's lil face!

a shame that people missed out on the tidbit that stan is a goat grandpa now

[ckret2]

due to stuff involving a goat, the only thing that can save the pines family is sticking bill cipher in a cute dress, doing weird 70's things to his hair, slapping makeup on him, and sending him to flirt with a government agent

and if that ain't a setup for a chapter i don't know what is

anyway here's chapter 86 of this thing.

####

"Something about this is just wrong," Stan said. "It isn't natural."

"Oh, I don't know," Ford said, grinning. "I think it's funny."

Without looking over, trying not to move his lips, Bill said, "I'd like to see you do better."

It was still a few minutes until the Mystery Shack opened for the day, and he and Mabel were sitting in the kitchen, with Bill miserably wearing a mis-buttoned Hawaiian shirt so he wouldn't mess up his makeup when he changed into his flirting uniform. The makeup supplies Pacifica had sent them home with yesterday were spread out on the kitchen table, and they were collaboratively trying to remember how to recreate the look Pacifica had given Bill yesterday. Thus far, they'd managed moisturizer and foundation and were debating the finer points of concealer color theory.

"I didn't say it's bad," said Ford, whose opinions on makeup only fell into three categories: obviously hideous; fine, I guess; and potentially magical sigils for ritual purposes. "It's just bizarre watching you care about it."

Bill mumbled, "I'm blending in with the Nacirema." Ford barked a laugh. (About time somebody got it.)

Stan elbowed Ford. "What's a Nacirema?"

"It's— There's this phenomenon in anthropology— I'll explain it later."

Stan grumbled to himself about the nerds enabling each other, then said, "Hey. When you do the lipstick, don't make it look too good. If it looks too good, he'll assume you're out of his league and get suspicious when you start hitting on him. I never trust attention from a lady whose lipstick isn't at least a little cakey."

Offended, Mabel said, "Grunkle Stan, I'm an artiste! I can't do a bad job on purpose!"

Bill said, "It doesn't matter! Once I get my seduction hat on, he won't even glance at my face." He poked the top hat sitting on the kitchen table.

"Oh, no you don't," Stan said. "Hat's gotta go, it's too tall. Guys hate it when their dates are taller than them."

"What?!" Bill stared at Stan, aghast. "You've gotta be insane! The hat's essential—"

"Hold still!" Mabel poked his neck with the butt of a makeup brush.

He reluctantly gave up and turned to face her again, but not without muttering to himself, "Can't wear a seduction hat, can't stick my hand in a goat's stomach acid, god forbid women do anything."

Last night's hunt for Gompers had been an abysmal failure—Dipper and Mabel had never even glimpsed him. This morning, beneath the banter, there was a somber air in the room; the household was trying not to think about the fact that their collective safety was resting on Bill's ability to seem appealing to a normal man in spite of the fact that they were having a conversation, and he wasn't even able to convincingly pretend he had a plan.

Dipper was trying to get breakfast around Bill and Mabel. Once Mabel had puffed on a layer of setting powder, Bill twisted around to give Dipper an unnecessarily wide smile. "Hey! How do I look?"

He glanced up from pouring a bowl of cereal and grimaced. "Somehow even less like a real human than usual."

Bill laughed. "Yep, it's the lack of pores." He turned away to check his mirror as he applied his mascara.

Mabel said, "He'll look better once we get the lipstick on."

Soos ducked in from the living room. "Hey, uh, guys?" It was clear he'd been as distracted that morning as the rest of them; he'd misbuttoned his suit jacket. "I just saw the government dudes' car again. Like, in the parking lot this time, not lurking down the street."

The energy in the air changed, like a subtle electric current shooting through the room. "Okay, enough gawking at the freak show," Stan said. "Ford?"

"Right!" He grabbed up his coffee mug, re-thought it, and poured the mug back in the coffee pot and picked up the pot instead, then bolted from the kitchen. He returned a moment later with his arms loaded with his journal, several books, and a couple of guns that would definitely be illegal on Earth if Earth had ever heard they existed. "Basement."

Bill turned toward the doorway so fast Mabel almost smeared lipstick across his cheek. Basement? He hoped Ford meant his study. If they went all the way to the basement, and noticed that somebody had been moving around the rubble of the portal...

"Bill!" Mabel said.

"I know, I know." He turned back to her again.

A final line, and Mabel sighed in relief. "Okay, you're good."

Stan rummaged through the fridge for the first thing he could find to sustain himself and Ford for the day. "Hey, demon. Remember everything I taught you."

"Yeah, yeah," Bill sighed. "Don't claim I have a job he can fact-check, don't pretend I make more money than him unless I want him to invite me to a fancy restaurant and pretend he forgot his wallet, if he asks my age I'm fifteen years younger than him, my human family lives across the country, I don't have any sisters that might be prettier, and there's nothing I wanna hear about more than World War 2 battle tactics or vintage car repair or whatever hobby he's picked up to make himself feel more masculine."

"And?" Mabel prompted.

"And my favorite animal is cats, my favorite color is pink, my favorite flavor is chocolate, my favorite film genre is not slapstick snuff, my favorite time to get married is next week, and my favorite body part on a partner is their eyes still inside their sockets, but if I specify the socket part it'll worry him."

"Right! Gold star!" She smacked a sticker onto his shirt.

Stan clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Knock 'im dead," he said. "Not literally. Unless you're sure the other two won't catch you."

"I'll see what I can do," Bill said.

####

The three agents eyed the sign that had been set up outside the Mystery Shack's main door. It said, "Self-guided tour today! $15" and there was a cardboard box taped beneath with a slit cut in the lid.

Agent Dale said, "Do you think that's for us?"

"Probably not," Trigger said uncertainly. "We have a warrant."

"Huh." Dale reread the sign, then tentatively rummaged through his pocket for his wallet and pulled out three fives. Trigger pushed his hand back down.

Soos ran around the side of the shack, breathing heavily. "Oh, wow! What a... totally random coincidence... running into you guys again..." He put his hands on his knees, huffing. "Gimme a sec. I was... running pretty fast... for no reason."

"Mr. Ramirez," Powers said. He held out a search warrant. "We're here to search this building for missing government property."

"Oh, dude, that's crazy," Soos said. "Do you like, have evidence that this property is in the building? Like, I don't know, any kind of... signal that it's giving off, maybe? That confirms it's here?"

Powers turned to Dale. He pulled his tablet out to check. "Uhhh... negative, sir. We're nnnot detecting the signal we picked up yesterday."

Powers frowned. "Hmm."

Trigger said, "Maybe the signal's... on the fritz?"

"Good point," Powers said. "We'd better search anyway. Dale, you start in the museum; Trigger, come with me to the back. I'll interview Mr. Ramirez." He gave Soos a sharp look. "And I hope you'll have more to say today than that you don't know anything."

Soos swallowed hard.

####

From the living room couch, Soos called to Trigger, "Be careful with the stuff in here, okay? This old shack's full of priceless antiques and authentic exotic curios. I glued half of them together myself!"

"So." Powers took a seat in one of the armchairs, opened an unlabeled manila folder and propped it on his knee, and clicked out a retractable pen. "Jesús Ramirez, correct? You prefer 'Soos'?"

"Yep, that's right," Soos said. "When I started school, my cousin Reggie, he'd yell at me across the cafeteria to sit with him, like, 'Jesús!' But some of the kids in my grade thought he was saying, 'hey, Soos!' And it stuck."

Powers nodded slowly. "I... see. And, you're the head of the household."

"Yup! That's me!"

"Property records say that the house is owned by 'Stanford Pines'?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Soos said. "He kinda, stepped down as head of the house, unofficially, and I'm running the house now. Also the business."

"And where is Stanford Pines right now?"

"Oh, he's out." (They had agreed that under no circumstances could the agents talk to Stan, lest something from last summer come up; and they definitely couldn't talk to the real Stanford Pines, whom they already knew as a mysterious superior officer from Washington.)

"When will he be back?"

Soos hesitated. "Ooout of the country. World traveling. Yeah, haha, he's been doing that for the past year with his brother."

Powers flipped a couple pages forward in his file. "His brother Sherman? Who lives in New Jersey?"

"No no, his other brother."

His other brother who died thirty years ago?"

Soos paused. "Uhhh..."

Dale ducked into the living room. "Sirs—I've found something interesting. You have to come see this."

Powers got to his feet, closing his folder and tucking it under his arm. "Excuse me." He followed his agents.

Soos heaved a sigh of relief.

"Wow, Questiony,—you were this close to collapsing like a house of cards."

Bill sauntered down the stairs. He was in a dress covered in yellowy-orangey triangles that managed, for the first time all summer, to reveal that he did in fact have curves, and he'd grabbed a set of green triangular clip-on earrings from Mabel's jewelry. A gold star sticker had been stuck on one of the earrings. Soos thought it was kinda weird to look at him all dressed up, with hair and everything. Bill looked like if Bill had a sister.

"Man," Soos said, slumping back into the couch. "I don't know if I can take another round of that. They're using some kind of government interrogation mind tricks."

"Relax," Bill said. "I'll take it from here."

He shut one eye and shot Soos a pair of finger guns as he backed into the gift shop, and twirled around to go pursue his prey.

####

Dale jogged through the gift shop, nodding to a couple of tourists as he passed—"Morning, ladies"—and ducked through the "employees only" door. A moment later, all three agents jogged into the museum. An older woman asked, "Why are so many handsome men in suits running around?"

As Bill let himself into the gift shop, he said, "Secret government agents! They're here investigating a conspiracy."

"Oh my," the woman gushed. "Isn't that exciting!"

"They'll only be here today! See if you can get their autographs!" Bill leaned on the front counter. "Hey, nice to see you back. You were missed yesterday."

Melody gave him an irritated look from behind the register.

"Surprised you came in, after how you felt yesterday!" In part because Soos was attempting to get as many people away from the shack and out of the danger zone as possible. He'd told Wendy she could take the day off, he'd persuaded Abuelita to go visit Reggie and his wife, and he'd tried to talk the kids into hanging out somewhere else for the day and only relented when they argued that their plucky 13-year-old adventuring expertise could be useful if things took a turn for the worse. Surely, he'd asked his fiancée to stay home too; strange that she hadn't. "Word is you're having trouble sleeping. Bad dreams? If it is, I could help you out. I happen to be an expert on—"

"I don't want your help." Her voice was a lot more venomous than Bill had expected.

He blinked in surprise. He knew she wasn't his biggest fan, but that seemed unnecessarily hostile. "Whoa, just offering! Don't bite my head off. Those don't grow back."

Melody sighed. "Sorry," she said insincerely, looking away from him. "I just... This whole plan bothers me. Flirting with some poor guy just to distract him."

Don't lie to a liar, girl. Something else was bothering her. Still, Bill only said, "Do you have a better plan?"

"Yeah? Just don't do anything suspicious and make sure Gompers stays away from the shack until the agents get bored and leave."

Bill scoffed. "And if they don't get bored?"

"Why wouldn't they?"

"Why would they? This town's got gnomes, fairies, and a crashed spaceship."

"Well—yeah, but, that's not a reason to focus on the shack."

"Never underestimate what the government will chuck tax dollars at without a good reason!"

Melody huffed, "Okay, fine. I still don't like it."

Yeah, Bill bet she didn't. Especially with the Bureau of Covert Investigations here looking for someone dangerous.

Okay—he'd given the eagles enough of a head start for it to look natural when he casually bumped into them. He straightened up, stretched, and sauntered toward the museum's curtain. "I won't ask you to wish me luck—" he lifted one wrist toward Melody and shook the bracelet covered in evil eye beads that Mabel had given him, "—just don't wish me ill." And then he followed the agents into the museum.

####

"Here it is," Dale said, stopping. "What do you make of this?"

He was standing in front of the museum's taxidermy Sascrotch display.

Trigger covered his mouth, trying to hold back a snort of laughter.

Dale grinned. "It's pretty great, right?"

Powers looked the Sascrotch up and down. "I don't get it."

"Heeey, secret agent man!" Bill swept into the museum and leaned against the wall, head propped against his hand, other hand on his cocked hip. "Imagine meeting you three days in a row, what a coincidence! I'm starting to feel like you're following me around."

Powers looked at Bill—and then started a little. (Not used to seeing him with his eyes emphasized properly, no doubt.) His cheeks immediately turned pink. Flustered, he stammered awkwardly for a moment before getting out, "I—I—Pardon me, I can assure you, you're not under investigation—" Dale and Trigger exchanged a glance and tried not to grin.

"Hey, whoa! I didn't mean it in a bad way." He flashed Powers his best smile. (He'd practiced in the mirror. Mabel had given him tips on not making it too wide.) "Say, since I was lucky enough to see you again, I've got a question for you, secret agent man."

"Yes?"

Bill batted his long, gorgeous lashes at Powers. "Do you believe in love at first sight, or am I gonna have to arrange a fourth meeting?"

"Uhh." Powers's already stellar posture somehow found a way to straighten a little bit more. "The first three times were more than sufficient, ma'am."

"Haha, you charmer!" All right, maybe Mabel had had a point about not opening up with a line about eyeballs. Still, this would be a cinch. Bill had been manipulating humans for millennia, and flirting was no different. Slipping into this role felt natural. He was in his element. He was good at this. He'd have this guy eating out of his hand in an hour.

Dale and Trigger looked at each other again, and Dale said, "Sir, maybe Trigger and I should search the house. You can take the museum."

"Maybe you could interview the locals," Trigger threw in, before they beat a hasty retreat.

"Ho—hold on!" Powers said; but his agents had already abandoned him. What terrific wingmen. Not the best agents, maybe.

"Sooo," Bill said, "if you aren't here to see me, what brings you by this old dump of a tourist trap again? It can't be the displays." He tugged out the waistband of Sascrotch's briefs with a finger and let go, letting it snap back against its waist; a small cloud of dust puffed out of the fur. "Still looking for some dangerous character?"

"No, not at the moment. Nothing you need to worry about," Powers said. "We're here looking for some... sensitive objects?"

"Oh? What kind of sensitive objects?" Bill asked. "I've been to this little tourist trap a few times, maybe I can help find 'em?"

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say."

"What, you don't think you can trust me?" Bill batted his lashes. That had been working pretty well for him so far. (The mascara had to be helping. Man, was he glad to have mascara again.)

Powers avoided making eye contact. "I"m sure you're very trustworthy. But—it would be an embarrassment to the bureau, you understand."

"Sure! Sure." Billl's smile wilted slightly. "Well—I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I just watch, would you? I've never seen a real federal investigation in action—seems exciting."

Powers hesitated, his professionalism warring with his very obvious crush. "I... suppose I wouldn't mind." Sure, like he wasn't utterly flattered.

As Powers's inspection took him around the museum and back into the gift shop, he said, "You said your name was Goldie? I don't think I ever got your last name."

Oh he'd better not be planning on a background check. "It's Locke—and yes, I've already heard every comment about it you can imagine."

Powers gave him a quizzical look. "I believe you told us to inform Mr. Gleeful that a 'Mr. Locke' had recommended we purchase a car from him?"

He had said that, hadn't he. If he'd known two days ago he'd have to femme up for this guy... "Sure! I happen to be related to a lot of Mr. Lockes!" Before Powers could pry into this family Bill had just invented, he hurried on: "Say, I never got your name, did I!" Did he? Since he already knew it, he couldn't remember if he'd bothered to ask.

"Of course—I'm Agent Powers."

"Is 'Agent' your first name, handsome?"

Powers flushed a little more, and he mumbled, "Manny."

"Manny Powers?" Bill casually slid between Powers and the vending machine to keep him from looking too close at it. "Like, 'manpower'?"

"Precisely," Powers said. "Obviously, that's... not my real name, just my assigned codename for field assignments."

Bill laughed, "Hey, not bad! 'Manpower,' that's pretty funny."

"Is it?" Powers asked. "Hm. It isn't supposed to be. I'll have to speak with HQ about that."

Bill pressed his lips together. Tell him he's funny, Bill! Guys love it when you tell them how funny they are! Last time hetook advice from a human on anything. He shot an exasperated look toward Melody, who winced in what he hoped was sympathy.

Trigger ducked into the gift shop. "Sir? I think we've found something. Really, this time."

Powers's attention snapped to him. "Show me."

Bill maintained his position until the agents were gone; and then he let out a long, frustrated sigh. He glanced at Melody. "How are we doing?"

She grimaced. "I'd give it... three out of five stars?"

"You're generous, I appreciate that." He nearly rubbed his eyelids in irritation, and only the sight of his red fingernails reminded him of his makeup in time to stop.

In his heart of hearts, Bill felt like he should have already won by now—but then, he'd always hated waiting for things. Usually he could force patience on himself by finding a peephole that would let him see further into the future so he could tell exactly when his latest plan would succeed. In this body, he couldn't see any farther than a few minutes, and he didn't have any eyes he could look through but his own. Like this, he didn't even know whether he'd succeed.

Except of course he would. Of course. He always did. He didn't need to check. He had until the agents left to make some real progress, and that was plenty of time. He'd figure this out.

He almost backed into the living room, remembered at the last second that he didn't want Melody to know about his door ignoring trick, and said flatly, "Door." Melody reluctantly left her station to help open it.

In the living room, Dale was standing on top of the table, which he'd dragged over in front of the TV, and attempting to pry a board out of the ceiling with a crowbar. He asked Soos, "You're sure you don't have a stepladder somewhere?"

"Uh-uh," Soos said. He was hovering in the doorway, wringing his hands together. "It's against the house rules."

"We picked up a faint radio signal," Trigger explained to Powers. "Like from a walkie-talkie with a dying battery, or..."

"Ah-ha!" Dale pulled a gray blocky object out of a space over the ceiling. It appeared to be a radio: it had an antenna, a speaker, a couple of glowing lights flickering on the brink of going out... and a large Bureau of Covert Investigations seal stamped on the front. The eagle peering through the magnifying glass seemed as surprised to see them as they were to see it. "Is... is this one of our transmitters?"

Powers blinked at it in amazement. "What in the Sam Hill is one of our transmitters doing in this building!" He directed the question toward Soos.

Soos flinched. "How should I know, I didn't know this place was bugged! I would've unbugged it if I knew." He paused. "Unless that's a federal crime or something. In which case forget I said that."

"We're the guys that oughta know about it," Dale said, shrugging cluelessly. "Since it's one of ours. Weird."

Powers held his hand out for the transmitter, examined it, and turned it over. On the back a strip of black label-maker tape read, "GOVERNMENT PROPERTY! IF LOST, PLEASE RETURN TO AGENT TRIGGER."

Powers and Dale turned to Trigger.

He looked between them, baffled. "Wh— Well, I didn't put it there! I would've remembered putting it there." He frowned. "I mean... I should remember putting it there."

Powers's lips were pressed so flat together they were almost invisible beneath his mustache. "Well. Obviously, we ought to take it back."

Tentatively, Dale asked, "And... place a new one with a fresh battery, sir?"

Powers's brows drew together in anger. Between gritted teeth, he said, "Not with the civilians listening to you say so..."

Soos was still standing in the doorway, and Dipper and Mabel were peering around him from the staircase. Melody had peeked in nervously from the gift shop. At the callout, the kids and Melody had the grace to withdraw again. But Powers wasn't looking at them. He was glancing sideways toward Bill, standing right by his side—and Bill's wide-eyed gaze never wavered from Powers's face.

This wasn't good—they did not need the agents trying to figure out why they might have left a bug in the shack. Damage control time. "Hey," Bill said. "if you forgot about it completely, must not have picked up anything interesting, right? Otherwise you'da remembered it!"

All three agents' faces immediately darkened and they exchanged meaningful looks. Bill didn't like it when people exchanged meaningful looks he didn't know the meaning of. "Apparently so," Powers muttered.

"I'll just... take this to the car," Trigger said.

Soos backed out of the way to give him room to leave, then trailed after him: "So, are there any other bugs in here we should probably know about...?"

Bill waited until Trigger was already out of the house before he said to Dale, "Hey, does he have the car keys?"

"Oh!" Dale patted his pockets, then hurried out. "Trigger, wait!"

Once his agents were gone, Powers grumbled to himself, "'Place a new one.' What happened to professionalism." He rubbed his forehead. "Find one bug that you mysteriously don't know about, and everyone forgets how to act like government agents..."

He trailed off, giving Bill an uneasy sideways glance. Bill was still staring full force at him. He cleared his throat. "You... have an incredibly penetrating gaze, ma'am."

"Thanks! Keep talking like that and maybe it'll penetrate you," Bill really wanted to say, but didn't; "flirtatious euphemisms that could be about stabbing" and "comments that put the fear of the cruel ever-watching All-Seeing Eye of God in you" were both on Bill's list of banned topics. Instead, he tried, "Thanks! You're incredibly easy to look at!"

"O-oh." Powers adjusted his tie self-consciously. Getting a little hot under the collar, huh. "Am I?"

"You bet! In fact, I was just thinking you really look like dad material."

"That's... kind of you to say," Powers said. "However, I've never liked children."

"Oh." Bill shut his eyes until the urge to turn somebody's bones into thumbtacks subsided. "Sure, that's fine. I can take 'em or leave 'em."

"Sir?" Trigger called from the doorway. "What's our next move?"

"Excuse me." Powers left Bill, heading out to join his agents on the porch.

Bill drifted out to the entryway. Mabel and Dipper were huddled on the stairs. Bill shot Mabel a pained look and hissed, "How could you have steered me so wrong?"

"Sorryyy," she whispered back. "I thought the dad one was a winner!"

"I trusted you, star girl." He slid outside behind Powers just before the door swung shut.

And just before Soos came back in, looking stricken. Dipper asked, "What happened?"

"The agent with the movie star face asked what days the museum's closed," Soos said. "I think they're thinking about searching it more? And, he told me not to leave town? I can't take this, dude." A wild look had entered his eyes. "I'm not cut out for prison. I'm too gentle-hearted!"

"Shhh." Melody took his arm and gently led him away from the door, rubbing his back. "It's gonna be all right, Soos. It sounds like the agents are distracted. Why don't we close the museum early for lunch and try looking for Gompers again, okay? Maybe he's ready to come home. And we can get some fresh air, yeah?"

"Yeah." Soos took a deep breath. "Okay. You're right." He turned toward Dipper and Mabel. "Can you dudes handle the gift shop while we're out?"

"Sure thing, Soos, no problem," Dipper said. "You go ahead."

The twins waited until they heard the sound of the gift shop exit door closing, then Dipper said, "Not it."

"Me neither," Mabel said.

"The gift shop customers can take care of themselves for a few minutes." Dipper opened the back door a crack, and they both crowded against it. Bill—leaning on the wall next to the door with his arms crossed—glanced at the kids through the crack, raised a couple fingers in acknowledgement, and then all three listened to the agents on the porch:

"Well, obviously the flash drive signal wasn't a fluke. They must have hidden it since yesterday."

"We can't leave until we find it and figure out what's happening here." (Bill made a mental note to lord that over Melody later.) "What are our next steps?"

"Should we request more sensitive equipment to scan for electronics? There might be other transmitters in the building with completely dead batteries we're not picking up." (That seemed like a fast way to discover the door hidden behind the vending machine.)

"Maybe we ought to run some more background checks on the rest of the people here. How many of them have we checked out?"

A jolt of fear shot up Bill's spine. And that seemed like a fast way to discover that "Goldie Locke" didn't legally exist. "All right," he muttered through the crack. "I tried this the human way. Now I'm doing it my way."

"Wait," Dipper hissed, "Bill, no! What are you planning?!"

Bill ignored him as he sidled up to Powers. "Not heading out already, are you?"

Powers said, "As soon as Trigger finishes updating HQ." Trigger had walked off the porch and was now making a phone call. Dale surreptitiously scooted to the other end of the porch to give Powers and Bill room to talk.

"Aww, too bad. I was enjoying watching a real investigation at work!"

"Hm. I'm afraid you didn't see us at our most competent," Powers muttered.

"Hey, everyone has an off day or two." Bill leaned closer, just near enough for his bare arm to brush Powers's suit sleeve, and murmured, "And, anyway—not to bad-mouth these rookies, but even on a bad day it's already pretty clear you're the smartest guy in the room. I can only imagine how fascinating it'd be to watch you at work when you're bringing your A game."

Powers cleared his throat, obviously trying not to look flustered. "Well. Yes. We'll no doubt be around a few more days. Perhaps we'll... cross paths again...?"

Not good. Too passive. By now, this sucker was supposed to be falling all over himself to ask out the mysterious blonde. Bill could probably ask him out and it'd go fine—but he wasn't sure how attached this guy was to traditional gender roles, there was a chance it could turn him off.

(That was the excuse he told himself. In truth, part of him was getting mad. He wanted to be the one who was asked out. He should be asked out. He was more than good enough to be asked out, and this over-evolved eukaryote had no right to deny him that.)

He pressed, "Still, I hate to see you go. Three times I've run into you, and I hardly know any more about you than I did on the beach! I get that being mysterious comes with the whole secret agent territory—but I've been going crazy, wondering all night about this handsome stranger in town." He put just the slightest emphasis on all night—and threw in a wink for good measure.

"H... have you?" Powers turned to face Bill fully. "Well... some of my personal information is classified, given the nature of my work, but—what do you want to know?"

"For starters, I think I'm overdue to ask you whether you're single!"

"I—Yes, I am."

"Whaddaya know—something we have in common!" Bill pretended he had to think a moment before saying, "Hmm... Hey, here's another fun little get-to-know-you question: what conspiracy would you most hate to be true?"

(Through the ajar crack in the door, he could hear Mabel loudly whisper, "Bill nooo...")

"That's a fascinating question. I've often wondered it myself." Powers stared off into the distance, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose... I think I'd most hate to find out the government has tried to brainwash its own citizens. Not just propaganda, mind—that's fine—I mean actual brainwashing."

No way. Bill had to pin his lips between his teeth to keep from bursting out laughing. Somebody had forgotten to tell this guy about MKUltra. Wow. Wow. He worked for the Bureau of Covert Investigations. How did he miss MKUltra. Bill had to grope behind himself for the porch sofa and sit before he lost his balance from fighting not to laugh. When he was sure he could manage a few words without a giggle escaping, he squeaked, "Yeah, that—sounds... pretty bad."

"What about yours?" Powers turned toward Bill.

He had to quickly prop his elbow on the armrest and prop his chin in his hand to hide his mouth, pretending to think. He hoped his amusement wasn't showing elsewhere on his face—human faces had too many muscles to keep track of. "Mm! Hmm." While he was trying to get his laughter under control, Bill tried to pick out one of the countless conspiracies in his repertoire that was obscure enough to be impressive but not obscure enough to be suspicious. (Or "obscure" enough Powers didn't know about it—hello, MKUltra.) "Wow, there's—there's a lot that'd be terrible. But hey, as long as we're talking politics—" (Mabel hissed "Bill NO!") "—I've heard a rumor in the area that there's a secret crazy president that was kicked out and covered up in the history books, ever heard about that one?" That oughta grab his attention.

But to Bill's surprise, Powers frowned thoughtfully and slowly shook his head. "No, it's unfamiliar. It must be a local theory," he said. "If the government were to cover up an entire presidency, I'm sure they would have a pressing reason for it—but I do see how the concept would be alarming."

Bill stared at him. Did this guy not know anything the government was up to?! He should have been going out of his mind trying to figure out how Bill knew about Trembley. Powers wasn't the kind of agent who could tell decent lies. If he did know something, he wouldn't play dumb like that; he'd just tell Bill it was "classified." Did he really not know? But the eagles' search for Trembley's remains should have nothing to do with the memories Ford wiped from the agents' minds.

The Bureau of Covert Investigations was so covert, agents usually weren't even told about other bureau investigations they weren't personally part of. So...

Was the bureau running two investigations in Gravity Falls?

Had Powers not been looped into the Trembley case?

"Uh..." Bill scrambled to think of another conspiracy that might catch Powers's interest. (He and Trigger had mentioned Hangar 618; no wonder they had time to work on cases across the country if they were only handling half the active investigations in Gravity Falls—no, focus, focus.) "How about Big Fashion, have you heard of that one? The theory that the fashion industry's teaming up to take down ways for people to get clothes other than buying new. Thrift shops, fabric stores, sewing pattern companies..."

Powers nodded. "I'm familiar with the theory." (Oh good—Bill would've been embarrassed for him if he hadn't known that one.) "I'm afraid I haven't paid close attention to the evidence for it. I already buy all my clothes new—I don't like the thought of another man's skin cells lingering on the inside of my shirts, it feels unsanitary."

It was no wonder this guy had been assigned to Gravity Falls. Bill doubted he was weird enough to really fit in here—but he was just odd enough to feel the town's pull. "For starters, there's the assassination of the president of Valhalla Sewing Machines a few years ago. Sewing machines are one of Big Fashion's top targets."

"Something definitely happened there," Powers agreed, "but all evidence points to the hit being ordered by Crooner Company over their rival line of sewing machines. They did acquire Valhalla just a few months later."

"And Crooner's been battling the bad PR ever since," Bill said dismissively. "Neither company came out of that mess looking good. It was an obvious false flag operation!"

Powers frowned, and for a moment Bill worried that he'd said too much—that Powers either thought Bill sounded like a crackpot, or thought Bill knew too much for some small town civilian... but he said, approvingly, "You know your stuff."

Jackpot. Time to go in for the kill. "I try to! I'm interested in how the gears of the universe turn. Reality, society, politics, business—what greases those wheels? Who winds the clock? There's a lot going on underneath the surface. And I like to keep my eye on all of it." He lowered his voice. "Actually, I'm glad to see you in town. I've also felt like something's going on under the surface of this town, but..." He left the sentence dangling.

Slowly, Power said, "Something... paranormal, perhaps?"

"Ha! Between the Mystery Shack here and that 'child psychic' in town, that's the reputation Gravity Falls has now," Bill said. "I'm not the kind of gullible dope to get spooked by ghost stories without proof. But—whatever's going on here... it does feel spooky."

Powers nodded slowly. "Whenever I'm in this town, I have the exact same thoughts."

Bill fought to keep the triumph off his face.

####

Dipper whispered, "I can't believe this is working."

He and Mabel were crammed against the door, one on top of each other, listening to Bill say, "This has been a fascinating conversation. I'd love to hear more about your work... wink."

Dipper said, "I can't believe this is working even though he says 'wink' out loud."

Mabels shushed him. "Bill's doing great!"

Powers said, "Unfortunately, I do have to go submit my own report to headquarters. But, I'm free this evening. If you'd like to see a movie, or...?"

Mabel gasped. "Idea!" She tapped on the door's window to catch Bill's attention, and, when he glanced her way, she pointed out toward the clearing beyond the porch.

Bill looked at the clearing and twitched in surprise. Through the crack in the door, Dipper tried to see what Bill was looking at. He couldn't see anything in the clearing.

Bill turned to Powers. "Howsabout dinner? There's a diner in town called Greasy's. I've heard good things about it! For starters, that the food is better than the name."

Dipper hissed between his teeth. "Wait, hold on—he's not allowed to go out, is he?" But Mabel didn't answer; she was sprinting full speed up the stairs.

From the far end of the porch, Dale said, "Oh, Greasy's is terrific, I went there yesterday for lunch. Makes a damn fine cup of coffee. And try the cherry pie."

"Very well," Power said. "When should I...?"

"I'll meet you at the diner. Let's say seven."

When the agents had left, Dipper yanked open the door. "What was that?! Nobody said you could actually leave to go on a date!"

Bill shrugged. "It wasn't my idea, it was your sister's."

"What?" Dipper frowned. "When did she say that?"

"She didn't. She's going to."

Mabel pounded down the stairs, counting the steps under her breath—"twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty eight"—carrying a neon yellow posterboard folded loosely in half. She ran out the door to the clearing behind the shack, held up the posterboard—she'd written "♡ INVITE HIM TO GREASY'S ♡" in thick black marker—and announced, "Ta-da!"

"You're too late," Dipper said. "Bill already asked Powers and he already left."

Bill said, "I asked him because I saw her telling me to."

Dipper looked between Bill and the poster. "Ohhh. Hang on. This is a future sight thing?"

"Bingo."

"How long should I hold it up?" Mabel called.

"Just give it another ten seconds," Bill said. "That thing's fluorescent, I could probably see it from an hour away."

She bounced on the balls of her feet for a few more seconds, then said, "Okay!" and jogged back to the porch, beaming from ear to ear. "That was so cool."

"Hey, smart girl!" Bill caught Mabel's sleeve before she could run past him. "You know, I've been talking to humans for thousands of years, and you're the first who's ever sent a message backwards in time to me?"

"Really?" Her face lit up. "Shut up! There's no way I'm the first-first!"

"Hand on heart, Shooting Star, no other human's ever tried it," Bill said. "You can't even see the fourth dimension, but you still understand it well enough to send messages through it. I'm genuinely impressed!"

Mabel's delight reached a boiling over point. She cackled in glee, gave Bill a quick hug, and bounded into the living room, crowing, "I'M THE GREATEST!"

Bill watched Mabel zoom into the gift shop, grinning proudly; and then his eyes slid sideways to meet Dipper's. "What's that look for."

Dipper was leveling his best suspicious glare at Bill. "Oh, nothing," he said. "Just thinking about how, the last time I heard you say you were impressed, you were just manipulating me into letting you puppet my body."

"Hmm! Yeah! I did do that!" Bill said. "Did I say I was genuinely impressed?"

Dipper's scowl deepened.

Bill's smirk widened. "C'mon, kid, don't be jealous just because you're not the alpha twin. It'd make your sister feel terrible."

####

"You actually got a date?" Ford asked.

"Sure! As if it's hard!"

Stan smugly held out a hand, palm up. Ford shot him an exasperated look, but sighed, fished around in his pocket, pulled out five large one-dollar coins, and dropped them in Stan's hand.

Bill stared at Ford, brows raised. "I don't know what's more insulting: that you bet against me, or that you've stopped using paper currency." Ford didn't deign to respond.

When they had been absolutely sure the agents were gone—for now—Soos had gone downstairs to let the Stans know the coast was clear; and now the adults were gathered in the living room again to discuss their next moves. Or, rather, Bill's.

Stan said, "So there's still been no sign of Gompers?"

"Nope," Soos said. "He's really run off. Plus, me and Melo—" (at Ford's look, he corrected himself) "—Melody and I drove around earlier looking for him? You know, in case he came out of the woods somewhere? But one of the government guys started following me in a black car? Sooo we had to stop looking, and I guess we're still being watched."

"Which'll make it harder to sneak me out for my date without them noticing I live here," Bill said. Maybe they could sneak him out with the crystal flashlight trick he and Mabel had pulled before, but he'd rather not tell the other Pines how they'd pulled that off in case they ever had to do it again. "We might be able to split 'em up while we outnumber them, but if this goes on for long, they'll bring in reinforcements."

"Ford and I can't help distract them," Stan pointed out. "We've gotta stay inside. And Soos is the only one that can drive Bill to this date. With the kids' help, we've only just got enough people to split the agents up."

Ford muttered, "Meaning there's no one to keep a watch over Bill." He crossed his arms. "Letting Bill flirt with a government agent under our roof is one thing—but I don't like a plan that involves letting Bill out in public and trusting him not to throw us under the bus." (Bill had considered it, but decided it would just cause the government to seize his portal and Mabel to never speak to him again.)

"He wouldn't do that," Soos said hotly—to Bill's surprise. "He already had a chance to run away and he didn't! And if he wanted us to get in trouble, he could have just not helped at all!"

"I..." Ford looked for a moment like he wanted to protest—Bill expected him to protest—but then he grimaced, shut his mouth, and said nothing. There was an even bigger surprise. Bill wasn't actually making progress with Ford, was he? Bill stared at the side of his face, willing him to explain himself; but Ford avoided his gaze.

Stan said, "Listen, I don't like letting him out either, but I don't think we have a choice."

"All right, all right," Ford sighed. "Fine. I don't like it—but unless Gompers shows up in the next few hours, you're still our best hope of getting out of this mess." (Bill decided to pretend that was praise and spent a second basking in it.) "Which means you have to find out everything the agents currently know and suspect, keep them away from anything that could restore their memories, convince them to turn their attention away from our household without the flash drive, andmake sure no one gets arrested. And you've got one date to do it all in."

It was a tall order—but the way Ford said it like a challenge, like he thought maybe Bill couldn't do it, made Bill's blood boil. "Piece of cake! Don't forget it's taken me less time than that to convince you to do a lllot more than that." At Ford's scowl, Bill grinned viciously. "One date's all I need. By the end of the night, I'll have this whole thing figured out." If he said it like he believed it, it was basically true.

####

(The only bits of this that were changed in the wake of TBOB were adding in the discussion about the Seduction Hat; and adding a short section establishing that Powers's team is not involved with the Trembley investigation and briefly mentioning Hangar 618. In the original draft of this chapter, I'd said that a different government department was handling the Trembley case, until TBOB established otherwise. Establishing that Powers's team wasn't on the Trembley case is something that'll be important in future chapters.

From here on out the plot arc speeds up and turns increasingly into some kinda fusion between a spy drama and a reverse heist movie. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts so far and your thoughts on where it's gonna go!)

[scurvyboy]

So do you think Stan wins Gompers the goat at the fair like how Mabel got waddles? Or does he just steal him from a farm on a dare?

i like to think that he won him at the fair, mostly because i think this exchange is funny

also, i do have episodes that i want to relativity fallsify. specifically the inconveniencing, double dipper (two fold ford), and the hand that rocks the [stan]. keep your eyes peeled.

[gravityfallsreaderinsert]

Mr. and Mx. Mystery

S1E1 - Tourist Trapped

MasterList

The sun was shining in the clear blue sky as a family were having a fun day outside.

‘Ah, summer break-‘ Hank was grilling burgers for his family and his two kids Shmipper and Smabble were laughing and chasing one another, while the rest of the family sat at a picnic table. "You want cheese on that, hon?" Hank asked his wife, flipping a burger. "Sure, Hank."

‘A time for leisure, recreation, and takin' 'er easy... Unless you're me.’ 

A golf cart crashes through the "Welcome to Gravity Falls" sign with Dipper and Mabel screaming as they drove thorugh the woods. The ground shakes as something large makes it way pass trees, knocking them down. Mabel looks back toward the forest, "Aaaah!!! It's getting closer!" A giant hand tries to reach for the cart but missies as the cart files off a rock and lands as the kids swerve.

‘My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.’

 "Look out!" Mabel screamed as Dipper turns the wheel to the left hard, almost knocking the cart over, leaving both them screaming.

'Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.'

'Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air.' Mabel gets their pet cat taken out of her hands while a video game console gets taken out of her brothers. In replace they were both given packed bags and sunscreen on their noses.

“They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay at our great-uncle and auncle's place in the woods.”

Mabel begun to put up all kinds of boy band and cute posters on her side of the room. "This attic is amazing! Check out all my splinters!" Mabel holds out her hand which is covered in, all places that shouldn’t be, with splinters. Dipper walks backwards toward his bed as he gets a good look at the room they’ll staying in for the whole summer. As he does he gets jump scared by Gompers who's standing behind him, "Baaa!”

“And there's a goat on my bed."

Mabel walks over to them has she holds out her hand trying to be friendly toward the goat but he ended up chewing on her sweater sleeve, "Hey, friend. Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

'My sister tended to look on the bright side of things.'

"Yay! Grass," Mabel exclaimed as she rolled down the small hill, having the "time of her life".

A woodpecker starts to peck the top of Dipper's hat. Y/N makes a gently shooing motion to make the bird fly away without looking from their book.

‘But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings, our great-auncle, (Y/N), was trying to make things better by trying to bond with us and to get me to see the brighter side of things.’ 

Dipper and Y/N were sitting under a tree together, Dipper writing in a journal and Y/N reading. Y/N lightly slapped the insides of the book with the back of their fingers.

"Ok, now I think you might enjoy this book, sweet pea.” Next thing Dipper knew, his great-uncle jumped behind the tree he and his auncle were sitting under on wearing a mask, "Boo!"

Both Dipper and Y/N scream at the top of their lungs, dropping the books in their hands as Dipper falls over.

"Aha ha ha ha!" Stan laugh as he takes the mask off.

 'And then was our great-uncle Stan.' Stan slaps his knee has he takes the mask off of his head.

'That guy.'

"Aha ha ha ha, ow!" Stan started hitting his chest from laughing so hard, then he doubled over in pain as his partner punched him in the stomach.

"Stop doing that!" Y/n picked Dipper up, fixing his hat and made sure he was ok.

"It was worth it."

'Our uncle and auncle had transformed their house into a tourist trap they called the Mystery Shack. The real mystery was why anyone came.'

A coward follows the Pines couple through out the museum, their arms linked together as Stan points to attractions with his 8-ball cane, "Ladies and gentlemen, behold! The Sascrotch!"

‘And guess who had to work there.’

“Oh," Mabel reaches to touch a giant eyeball, when Stan comes over to smack her hand away.

"No touching the merchandise!"

'It looked like it was gonna be the same boring routine all summer, until one fateful day...'

Dipper was wiping down some merchandise sweeping while his Graunkle was sweeping. His sister, Mabel, was too busy stalking her latest boy target behind selves of Stan and Y/N bobble head figures.

"He's looking at it. He's looking at it!"

The boy opened the note reading it out loud, "Uh...'Do you like me? Yes. Definitely. Absolutely?'” He started looking around, trying to find the source of where the note could have come from.

"I rigged it!" She uttered excitedly has she placed her hands on her cheeks.

Dipper stopped cleaning and rolled his eyes, “Mabel, I know you're going through your whole "boy crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part."

Mabel turned towards her brother with a disbelieve look on her face and blows a raspberry, "What?! Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home. It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance."

"I agree with Dipper on his, Hon, don’t you think you're moving too fast?" (Y/N) asked, "I mean...how many boy does make now?”

"I bet she doesn't even know, she flirts with every guy she meets!" Dipper said, shrugging.

Mabel is standing next to a boy in the mystery shack, fluttering her eyes, "My name is Mabel, but you can call me the girl of your dreams. I'm joking! Ha ha ha ha!" She exclaims pushing the boy into the greeting cards display knocking him and the stand over.

Mabel then pops up from behind a bench, that has a guy sitting with his turtle in his hands, "Oh, my gosh, you like turtles? I like turtles too. What is happening here?"

Inside the mattress store, a boy dressed as the mattress king is working, "Come one, come all, to the mattress prince's kingdom of savings!"

Mabel pops out from behind a set of colorful balloons and she whispers, Take me with you..." Causing the boy to run away screaming.

"Mock all you want, brother and Graunkle, but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." Mabel said confidently has she pointed toward the mystery shack exhibit door.

Stan walks through the door holding signs under his arm and a pitt cola in his hand. Using his other, he clutched his stomach as a burp gets caught in his throat, "Oh! Oh. Not good. Ow." 

Mabel looks at Stan in disgust, "Oh, why?!"

Dipper and Y/N laughed, high fiving each other as they do.

"All right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Stan said as he holds out the signs toward Y/N and the twins.

"Not it!" Dipper and Mabel say at the same time, behind them Soos raised his hand while he drilled a shelf with his other.

"Uh, also not it."

"Nobody asked you, Soos."

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that." He pulled out a chocolate bar and took a bite out of it.

Y/N can see Stan giving them a side eyed look, “No, Stan. I’m not doing the job that I told you to do!”

Stan rolls his eyes as he sighed in annoyance, he then turns towards the teenage red head, who’s relaxing on the job with her feet on the counter, reading a magazine. "Wendy! I need you to put up this sign!"

Wendy tries to reach for the signs from where she's sitting, with a bored expression on her face not looking up from her magazine, "I would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..."

"I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it eeny-meeny-miney..." Stan then points his finger at Dipper, "You."

"Aw, what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched."

"Ahh, this again." Stand begins to rub the corners of his eyes as Y/N gave him a light hit on his shoulder.

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out "BEWARE." Stan and Y/N leaned in closer to Dipper’s arm, both squinting their eyes. After looking at it for a couple of seconds Stan leaned back up, looking at Dipper, confused.

"That says 'bewarb.’” As he said this, Y/N gently grabbed Dipper’s arm and examined the bites. “Do you believe me, Graunkle Y/N?” Y/N shook their head, letting go of his arm.

”Oh, Sorry. I was just seeing if that needed to have cream put in it. It’s looks bad, Sweet pea.” Dipper then lowers his arm in embarrassment and rubs the bites.

“Anyway, look, kid.” Stan voices, “The whole "monsters in the forest" thing is just local legend drummed up by guys like us to sell merch to guys like that," Stan pointed to a man sweating like there was no tomorrow laughing at a bobble head Stan doll in his hands. "So, quit being so paranoid!" He then threw the signs into Dipper's arms. Fumbling with them, Dipper looked up at his uncle in annoyance.

Watching Stan leave through employees only door, Y/N sighed. Crouching down to meet Dipper’s height, Y/N placed a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. Dipper didn't make eye-contact with them.

”Hey, don’t let Stan get under your skin, alright? If you say there’s something going on, maybe, you could look for evidence to rub in his mean face."

Dipper sighed and nodded his head, "Yeah...Yeah! Grunkle Stan might not know it but this town had some weird stuff going on and I'm gonna prove it!" Dipper grips the signs tighter has he marches out of the shack toward the woods. Y/N stood back up, cracking their back, "Oof! Stupid old body." Taking a look around they noticed that Mabel was no where to be found, signing again they crossed their arms over their chest and walking through the employee only door. In there, they found Stan in the kitchen finishing his Pitt soda.

"He's gonna found out about this place eventually, you do know that right?" Stan groaned, taking a long drink from the can. He waved his finger in 'no' motion, bringing the can down from his mouth. "You don't think I know that, toots? Boy seems too smart for his age," he leans on the kitchen table muttering the last part of his sentence under his breathe. "Almost like someone else we know."

Y/N slowing walked over to the table and leaned on it next to Stan, rubbing his back. "I know, that's why I think we should be honest with them. To protect them from all this crazy stuff this place has going on. If we keep lying-" Stan cuts Y/N off.

"If we keep lying, we can keep them away from it." Stan gets up and walks out the kitchen to go upstairs, you turn your gaze to your feet. Thinking about how you could tell the kids about everything in this town, but a part of you didn't. It felt too soon, so you decided to wait until maybe they trusted you and Stan a little more. You groaned in annoyance, rolling your eyes. Opening the freezer, you grabbed a popsicle walking out of the kitchen to sit on the couch outside.

Some time passed, but you don’t know how long as you were sitting there lost in thought, until the front door slammed next to you. It was Mabel and she looks excited as ever.

“Hey Graunkle! I’m going to see if I can find Dipper, ok bye!" Mabel screamed as she started running toward the woods, you didn't even get a chance to understand what she was saying. And you didn’t have to think about it because pulling up to the front of the shack was a tour bus, you stood up, crushing the stick of the popsicle in your mouth.

After Y/N and Stan finished the tour, you two went upstairs. You rubbed the back of your neck, "Hey, you're not like mad about earlier, right?" Stan chuckled under his breath, turning to face you.

"Why would I be mad at ya? You just care for those rascals." You smiled, you both turned toward the stairs having heard the twins return. You walked over to Stan as you wrapped an arm around his waist and he wrapped his around your shoulder, hip to hip. “Now, let’s go see what those two are up too.”

You gave him a hard kiss on his cheek, giggling. Stan laughed, “Ugh, gross.” You both walked done the stairs laughing. As you got closer, you could hear the twins talking about something. Then you see Mabel rush to the door as you and Stan stood at the door way of the living room.

”What you readin' there, slick?”

Dipper quickly hides the journal under the cushion he was sitting under and grabs the nearest thing he can find. ”Oh! I was just catchin' up on, uh… gold chains for old men magazine?”

“Dipper don't read that, it'll rotten you.” Stan playfully pushed Y/N, laughing. They both walked over to stand behind the love sofa. “What?! That’s a good issue and you like my gold chains!”

You wagged your finger at him, smirking, ”I don’t know who told you that lie.” Just as you said that Mabel came back but she was with someone. He was taller than her, wearing a back hoodie and his back was facing the room.

”Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!” Mabel presented him as he turned around. His hair was covering one of his eyes and he had some red substance dripping from his cheek. He waved his hand halfway up in a greeting. ”Sup?”

”Hey…” Dipper greeted him first then Stan and you both at the same time.

”How's it hangin'.” Stan threw up finger guns.

“Hello.” You lazily waved at him.

“We met at the cemetery. He's really deep.” She then placed an hand on his arm, squeezing it a bit. “Ooh! Little muscle there. That’s… what a surprise.” Dipper raised his eyebrows, examining this new guy his sister brought in, ”So, what's your name?”

Almost as if pains him to speak he answers the question, ”Uh Normal Man!”

“He means "Norman.” As Mabel corrects him, Y/N noticed the red substance on his check dripping to the floor.

“Are you bleeding, Norman? We could patch that cut up for you?” 

Norman’s eyes widened as he looks at the liquid on his face. ”It's jam.”

Mabel gasped has she lightly shoved him. “Oh! I love jam! Look at this!” She exclaimed moved her hands back and forth between them. Norman shrugged as he looked around, ”So, you wanna go hold hands or whatever?”

”Oh! Oh, my goodness. Don't wait up!” Mabel giggled, bouncing up and down. She then runs towards the door Norman shoot finger guns at the others in the room and followed Mabel, hitting the doorframe and other walls in the process.

Y/N looked around the room at the others, "Well, he was weird. Right?" You saw Dipper nodding his head slowly, gaze focused on where Norman stood.

"Yeah," Stan began, he than clapped his hands and started making his was to the gift shop, "Come on, angel cakes, we got a shack to run!" Y/N ruffled Dipper's hair through his hat and started making their way towards the door, before they opened it they turned to look at Dipper.

"Hey bud, you alright?" They didn't get an answer cause he was already making his way up the stairs. Y/N signed, made sure they looked presentable, fixing their suit and little butterfly pin, and went through the door.

~ TIME SKIP ~

Y/N was stocking inventory as Stan handled the last group of tourists, you hummed thinking to yourself on where the twins could be. Finishing up your task you walked over to where Stan was with the guest.

Stan holds up a swirly pattern on a stick, pulls the string and rotates into a continuous spiral, "Behold! The world's most distracting object!"

The group of tourist was amazed at the simple object, Y/N rolled their eyes at the crowd. Looking passed the all to look through the window seeing the twins and some kind of giant monster. You stood there, mouth agape, your gaze not leaving the the window. Y/N reached out to tap on Stan's shoulder.

"Just try to look away you can't! I can't even remember what I was talkin' about." You groaned and ran outside, seeing the kids about to get hit by a giant fist. You ran towards them and grabbed them. Resulting in you all rolling until you hit the wall of the shack. The twins landed safely but you rolled until you hit the wall with your back, knocking the air our of your lungs.

Dipper was able process what happened to them quickly, he shuffled over to Y/N. Shaking their shoulder, "Graunkle!? Are you ok?" Before you could catch your breath and answer, the monster, which you now see is made of tiny men, gets closer.

"It's the end of the line, kids and weird person that came out of nowhere. Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!" The one sitting all the way at the top spoke out. The twins each take a side by you, Dipper holding your shoulder and Mabel holing your hand. Dipper turned his hard to look at his sister, "There's gotta be a way out of this!"

Mabel looked from you to her brother with a worried expression. She them closed her eyes and, sighed through her nose. Letting go of Y/N's hand, she stood up and walked towards the gnomes. "I gotta do it."

Dipper's eyes widen, he stood and walked over to his sister, "What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?"

Mabel looks back with a determined look on her face, "Trust me." Dipper shook his head and threw his arms up.

"What?!"

"Dipper, just this once Trust me."

You grabbed Dipper by his shoulder, making him turn towards you, "Dipper, I don't know what the hell is going on, but your sister seems like she knows what to do..." Dipper looked back and forth between you, his sister and the pile of gnomes. Walking backward toward the wall, he nodded.

"All right, Jeff, I'll marry you."

"Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason!" Jeff starts to climb down using the other gnomes as a ladder. "Thanks. Andy, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike." When he makes it to stand in front of Mabel, he pulls out a diamond ring from his back pocket. "Ehh? Ehh?" Mabel's eyes flutter as she presents her hand towards Jeff, he then puts the ring on her finger and does a little jig. "Bada-Bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!"

"You may now kiss the bride." Mabel says as she examined the ring on her finger.

"Well, uh, don't mind if I do." Before he could so anything, he gets sucked into the nozzle of a leaf blower that's Mabel picked up without him seeing.

"Aah! Hey, wait a minute! Ahh-aahh Whoa! Whoa! W-what's going on? Aah! Aaah!"

"That's for lying to me!" She then turned the know on the leaf blower, increasing the power. "That's for breaking my heart!"

"Ow! My face!"

"And this is for messing with my brother!" She then aims the leaf blower toward the gnome monster, Dipper coming to stand next to her. She turned to him, gesturing the leaf blower toward him.

"Wanna do the honors?" She asked Dipper, he came to her side grabbing half of the leaf blower, "On three."

"One, two, three!" They both counted, shifting the leaf blower from 'suck' to 'blow'. Blasting Jeff through the other gnomes and towards the forrest.

"I'll get you back for this!!!!!" He screams as he sails over the trees. Meanwhile the giant monster falls apart as the gnomes fall to the ground. They all start complaining until Mabel starts aiming the leaf blower at them, making them all run away.

"Anyone else wants some?" Mabel screams, the twins laugh for a bit until the turn around, hearing their Graunkle trying to get up. They both run to take one of your sides, helping you up. "Thanks, kids. I don't know you two got in a mess like this but I'm just glad its over."

Mabel rubs you back looking up at you, "Are you gonna be ok Y/N." You chuckled, ruffling both of their heads, "Just peachy, gonna need my pillow though. Are you two alright?" They looked at each other smiling then back up to you, nodded. You smiled and started making your way towards the gift shop door, looking behind you, you called out towards the twins. "You coming?"

Dipper was about to answer, but Mabel stopped him, "We'll be there soon, I gotta talk to Dip-stick real quick." You nodded once more, not having the strength to speak again and went inside.

Inside you found Stan who was counted some of the earnings for the day. Y/N walked over and place their hands on the counter.

"Whoa?! The hell happened to you?" You mouthed, 'I'll you later' as the twins came dragging themselves in. Y/N nodded their head towards the beaten up looking twins, eyeing Stan.

"Sheesh! You two get hit by a bus or somethin'?" Not paying Stan too much attention they continued towards the employee only door.

"Aha! Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, Y/N accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop on the house?"

Mabel spun around with a twinkle in her eyes, "Really?

"What's the catch?" Dipper asked as he folded his arms and raised his eyebrow, staring his Uncle down.

“The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something.” Stan exclaims has he elbows the cash register placing the money inside, rolling his eyes playfully at you as you laughed. You walked over to stand next to Stan, him taking one of your arms and helping you lean on him. You both watched the kids look around the ship. Dipper chose one of the merch hats, slipping it on his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

"Hmm. That oughta do the trick."

“And I will have a Grappling hook!” Digging into box Mabel pulls out the grappling hook and holds it over her head in excitement. “Yes!”

You smile and gently clap your hands, encouraging her, while Stan and Dipper look at her then each other in disbelief and confusion. As they look back at her again Stan ask, “Wouldn't you rather have a doll or something?”

She then proceeds to launch the hook toward the ceiling, the hook then wraps around a beam, pulling her up in the process, “Grappling hook!”

Stan shrugged, "Fair enough."

Y/N knocked on the attic door, waiting until the twins gave permission for them to enter. You opened the door, peeking inside, you notice Mabel jumping on her bed and Dipper with his knees up a book or something laying on them.

"You two ready for bed?" Dipper nodded as Mabel shouted a 'Yes', not stopping her jumping. You laughed, "Well, I hope you too had a good day today."

"It was awesome, Graunkle," Mabel yelled. She stopped jumping and began to aim her grappling hook all around the room, trying to see where to shoot. "Ok, just be careful with that, sweetie."

She nodded as you were about to close the door, Dipper called out to you.

"Wait, um, don't you want like... I don't know some kind of explanation after what happened today?" You chuckled, shaking you head.

"Dipper, I've lived in this weird town for many years. I don't really need one." The expression on his face lighten up, looking as happy as can be. "Well, if that's the case, maybe..." He stops him self looking over to his sister who's nodding at him.

"Maybe, we can show yo-" Before he could finish his sentence you all heard Stan calling out your name, you signed.

"Don't worry about him, I'll get to him later. Now, what were you saying, Dipper." You looked back at him, his expression full with concern. He looked down at his lap, "Never mind... It's nothing."

Y/N frowned looking at the ground, "Ok, sweeties, hope you have a goodnight." And with that you closed their room door.

As you started to make your way down the stairs you heard a crash and laughing come from the twins room. You straighten out your PJs, decided not to question what they were up too. Crossing the final step, you made it back downstairs into the living room. You started humming some tune you couldn't remember as you made your way to the vending machine. You hit the side a couple of times, making the door of it pop open, grabbing a bag of chips.

A light came from outside the gift shop, until the door opened reveling Stan carrying a lantern. "You better pay for that," He nudged Y/N joking. You rolled your eyes, as he typed on the vending machines keypad. The machine slides open like a door, Stan walked in with you following behind him.

Before you closed it behind you, you turned and looked around to making sure you were alone. Seeing that you both were, Y/N closed the machine with a soft click.

Episode 2 ->

[imonaskypecallmom]

you know what? yes it does

Zed -> Shermie

my hermitcraft x gravity falls au !!!

it’s sort of based off a GIGS dynamic, and then other hermits got sprinkled in (but it was really hard to assign everyone a role that makes sense).

The core cast:

Grian & Gem -> Dipper & Mabel (interchangeably): meaning I designed them with one of the twins in mind (Gem -> Dipper; Grian -> Mabel), but I think they represent the twins as a whole and traits/roles per episode can swap.

Skizz -> Stan

Impulse -> Ford

Scar -> Soos

Pearl -> Wendy

some other roles :)

Tango -> McGucket (in a way that really really breaks my heart)

Cleo & Joe -> Bill Cipher: hear me out!! Splitting the role into two is actually fire !! trust us

Also shoutout my cheerleaders and brainstormers: @the3rdhatt @tmgstudios @dynamp

[splendorofnobility]

As a big fan of GF and the Relativity Falls AU, I ended up thinking over how to alter some of the plotlines to have it fit the stans better than just "the character they're taking the place of". This is only for episodes where I feel one character already has more of a focus, with the exception of the first episode. This is what I have currently, but I'd be glad to continue this if people find it interesting, and I'd love to hear people's thoughts.

Tourist Trapped is pretty similar, though I see Ford, who's still on the excitement kick of both finding the journal and seeing what he's convinced as an actual zombie, as the one to get himself into trouble by trying to do some snooping and accidentally stumbling into the gnome's territory. (Just so we're clear, Ford absolutely picks up the grappling hook since Stan is scared of heights. Why does Mabel have those in her store? I dunno. Why did Stan)

As someone who is a fan of the "Bill and Gideon swap" concept for this AU, while he's still a fraud of a pre-teen who's using things he finds in the journal (instead of an amulet of telekinesis, his power source gives him pseudo pyrokinesis), Bill is more of a stage magician than a psychic in his performances. Ford doesn't completely buy it, but he does end up spending the day with him as a peer who enjoys more quiet and anomaly related hobbies than his brother. Aside from that, though, it gets pretty similar to how it already is.

Episode 6 is an interesting one to me, because I could see an interesting take on it for either twin (Ford trying to be a more "conventional" man to stop being reliant on Stan to fight for him and coming to the realization that "manliness" doesn't mean an inability to ask for help, or Stan trying to adopt and instead hating and rejecting a rather toxic masculinity type of life). Really, pick whichever.

As the last for now, Stan wins Gompers the goat from the carnival, but a science fair competition at the same event ends up with Ford taking second to Fiddleford due to unforeseen circumstances. His pride refuses to take second, so he ends up rewinding time to attempt to win, but after realizing that if he wins his brother loses the first friend that isn't him he's had, he swallows his pride and rewinds again to concede in the competition so his brother can have Gompers.

I'm not saying these are all perfect, but they've been running through my mind and I thought I'd throw them out there for anyone who's as into this AU as I am.