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depressedbagpipe · 1 year ago

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Golden (King Caspian x fem!reader)

Chapter I - Voyages at Dusk, Treaders by Dawn

Words: 3404 Warnings: some angst and misogyny i guess (?) not too much plot for now, this is just the set up ;) A/N: alright, here it goes. i actually had a breakdown and deleted half the fic before posting so idk how to feel about this. i really hope you enjoy this fic, and I'm sorry for taking so long :( ALSO i haven’t proofread this 😇 Taglist: @sskhair, @sassyandclassyx, @thefictionalgemini, @glimmering-darling-dolly, @just-levyy, @noortsshift,

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Dawn. Warm and alerting, bathing the clear sky in orange and red and pink and all sorts of sweltering colors I could imagine. The sea below the cliff was calm and shone with such intensity that it hurt to look at. Yet the scenery was beautiful. The wind hugged me and the sun’s rays welcomed me like an old friend. The top of the cliff was showered in green, the grass moving with the breeze, alive and inviting. Summer was finally here, and it cast large and nostalgic shadows over the ruins of Cair Paravel. Nature had taken over the stones once again, covering the past in colorful present. The altar where the thrones of the Kings and Queen of Old used to be remained intact, as if magic itself wanted to bathe the pedestal in power. Power that came and left, but also power that remained.

Laughter reached my ears. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. Giggles and chuckles grew stronger until a pair of short arms wrapped themselves around my legs.

“Mumma, come play with us!” a little boy’s voice demanded, and the happiness in those words finally snapped me back to reality.

With a grin, I turned around, bending down, and picking the kid in my arms, earning a loud howl from him as I spun us. Before either of us could get dizzy, I put him back down, lovingly moving away one of the dark strands of hair that fell over his dark eyes. He looked a bit too much like his father, to no one’s surprise.

Speaking of, he now stood next to me.

“Having fun without me?” Caspian asked in a teasing voice, throwing an arm over my shoulders, using his hand to stroke the exposed skin of my –his– shirt.

I looked up to him. The wrinkles by his eyes were just a tad more prominent, but the same lively spirit adorned his irises. He looked somewhat taller, with his young naivité turned into experienced serenity. He carried himself like the king he was, and yet his lips still turned upwards by the right corner first, kind and amused, as they did when I first met him. His tanned skin glowed in the late afternoon sun, and despite having been married for years, he still managed to make my heart soar.

“Never, Dada!” the kid giggled, still grabbing my legs.

Caspian laughed as he threw him over his shoulder. “Unfortunately, young man, we should get going back to the castle. It’ll be dark soon.”

The boy complained. “But I wanna stay here! I wanna listen to the stories Mumma tells!”

His annoyance didn’t last long, for Caspian quickly used his advantage to shake the boy in the air, earning loud chuckles in return.

I wanted to follow them, I really did, but my feet seemed stuck to the ground. I saw Caspian walk away, yet I couldn’t move. Something was anchoring me to the top of the cliff, and the only thing I could do was stare as the love of my life seemed to disappear before my eyes.

Again, I know I should’ve been scared, as the world around me seemed to crumble once more. I waved my arms around, my hands flexing trying to grab the air with trembling fingers, anything to keep me afloat. Another breeze engulfed me, equally as warm as the sun that was rapidly setting over the horizon. Out of instinct, I closed my eyes, allowing whatever that was to take me to wherever I had to go. Right before everything ended, a familiar voice resounded on the inside of my skull, bringing back that same serenity I had always felt at the top of that cliff.

Soon, my dear.

I woke up with a start. I immediately frowned as I stared at the ceiling, tracing the lines of the wood at the top of the high-posted bed, analyzing the details in the engraving as I usually did when I couldn’t fall asleep. That had not been the first time I dreamed about Caspian, and what could possibly be our son, but it had been the first time Aslan had made himself known. It had been three years since we last saw him, right after Caspian’s coronation and the Pevensies’ farewell, and despite knowing he was always around, hearing him for the first time after that long only intrigued me. Beautiful, amazing, scary, and anxious things happened during the first three years of Caspian and I’s ruling over Narnia, yet Aslan had never shown up before. I wondered what his message meant too.

I pondered for a few minutes, still lying on the comfortable bed. The quietness of the room, which was starting to fill with light, made me realize I was alone. I raised my head slightly, looking around the room hoping to find Caspian hunched over some papers in a small desk we kept by the balcony, but he was nowhere to be found.

My frown got deeper, and I finally sat down and took a look at the state of the room. Our suite at the castle was huge, bigger than any room I had ever owned. The high ceilings and big windows provided warmth and security. Back at Cair Paravel, I had insisted on a rather modest room, but that was no longer fit for me, or us. I was surprised that Caspian wanted to stay in his childhood castle; he always spoke about his home growing up, and how dark and moody it always was, but after a leap of faith and several peace treaties later, the sun seemed to be always shining over the old Telmar. Because the sun always shone over Narnia.

Yet my favorite part of the suite was the balcony; overlooking the kingdom with the sea at the horizon, with the ships docked at the harbor and the peaceful waves that blended with the sky. I know it wasn’t Cair Paravel, and it would never be, but different didn’t mean worse. Narnia prospered under Caspian’s rule, and I, the newly appointed queen, had had the chance to see the land flourish and rise from its ashes.

I was now outside, staring at the view, looking at the sun slowly climbing its way up, as well as the citizens living right under us starting their days, happy and undisturbed. My heart clenched a little, thinking about how much Lucy would enjoy the view, but I shook my head. I couldn’t think about them now. I couldn’t know if I’d ever see them again, at least in Narnia. As much as I loved remembering the past, I had to focus on my present to succeed in my future.

And my present was now talking rather loudly outside the big wooden door to our suite.

“But, your Majesty…”

“Nonsense. She’s my wife first, I’ll take care of this.”

“Let us help, your Majesty!”

I scrunched my eyebrows at the voices and flinched when the door opened a bit too loudly.

“My love?” Caspian called out.

“In here!”

His footsteps were rushed and heavy as he suddenly appeared before me on the balcony.

“What are you doing up? You heard the doctor, you should rest!” he took me in his arms and gently guided me back to the bed, sitting me down on the mattress and taking my face in his hands, inspecting every detail.

I laughed. “Cas, I’m alright. In fact, I’ve been feeling great for the past few days,” I calmly took my hands in his and put them down. His thumbs automatically rubbed the back of my hands, which didn’t fail to give me goosebumps.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea…” but I cut him off before he could finish.

“Don’t.”

“Please, my love, I just want you to be alright.”

“I’ll be alright once I have something to do, Cas. You seriously cannot expect me to lay around all day when there’s a world full of adventures out there!”

“Your Majesties?” Edith, one of the maids, interrupted us. “The bath is ready.”

“Thank you, Edith. You may go now,” Caspian looked up but didn’t move from his spot.

Edith bowed to us and left with a troubled expression, and I immediately turned to him again.

“What did you do?”

Caspian tried to look innocent but failed miserably. “Nothing! I woke up early and headed down to the kitchens to fetch you something to eat when you woke up! Then the maids found me and insisted on doing the work but I wouldn’t let them.”

I tried to fight off the smile. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I wanted to do something nice for you. I’ve been worried sick these days and just… wanted to be at your side as much as I can before I leave.”

That alerted me. “What do you mean ‘before I leave’?”

I took my hands away, bringing them to my waist. Caspian was looking at me with a guilty gaze from his place on the ground before me. He spoke slowly, almost testing the waters.

“I don’t think you should come, my love.”

“And why is that?” I raised an eyebrow at him, a bit too defiantly. It was too early in the morning for this.

“I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“So you’re keeping me locked away?”

“That’s not…” he tried to reason, but I wouldn’t let him.

I stood up from the bed, careful not to accidentally hurt him as I walked towards the small en suite, feeling the warm water from the free-standing bath, anything to prevent me from lashing out at him.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Caspian. I’m coming with you. Now, I appreciate the breakfast but if you’re not gonna join me, I think it’s best if you leave me alone now.”

I usually hated being stern with him, but I was tired of the conversation. I wasn’t about to begin yet another fight about the same topic, knowing it would end in disaster. After a few seconds, Caspian spoke.

“I’ll be at the war room, then.”

He didn’t say anything else and left. I sighed, already feeling bad at our near-discussion, and let myself sink into the water. My eyes closed as I tried not to let the anger consume me.

It hadn’t been the first time Caspian had suggested I don’t participate in the mission. Ever since I had randomly fainted during a training session he had been treating me like a child. And I understood his preoccupation, because I too worried about him every single second of my existence, but it had been almost two weeks, and I had been feeling fine ever since I woke up after the episode. Caspian had even called every single doctor, physician, and healer in the entirety of Narnia, and the verdict was all the same: I was fine. The day had been hot, and I had been tired, and there hadn’t been anything more to it. Yet now, after months of preparing our sailing around the Lone Islands, Caspian was willing to let me stay behind. And I was not going to let him. Narnia needed its queen.

Walking around the halls of the old Telmarine castle was always one of my favorite activities, and while I would normally stop and appreciate the many pieces of art that decorated the walls, I was a woman on a mission.

Most of my armor was left at our suite, knowing I wouldn’t be needing it for what was about to happen, but for good measure my dual swords were at my back. Despite bowing and nodding at every person I saw in the halls, the sense of urgency in my steps was enough for them to leave a significant space between them and me as I approached the big doors to the war room. With a final breath, I opened them wide.

Caspian’s face was priceless. He probably wasn’t expecting me so soon, and I definitely wasn’t expecting him to have a whole meeting without me. All of our counselors and fellow top warriors stood at the round table, where a large map of the entire Narnian territory was displayed for everybody to see. Little figures were being moved by Reepicheep, our mighty and beloved mouse, although he too stopped when I came in.

“Your Majesty,” he respectfully bowed at me, and it was only after he did that the rest of the room followed.

Ouch. That stung.

“I see you’ve already started without me,” I noted, closing the heavy doors behind me and occupying my place at the other end of the table, facing Caspian directly. “Did I miss anything?”

Thankfully, Reepicheep answered. “Not at all, my Queen. We’re just revisiting the details of the voyage. I don’t think we should postpone it any more, my lords.”

I nodded. “Good. When do we leave, then?”

“Wait…” Caspian tried again.

“I believe the Dawn Treader is ready, so what’s stopping us?”

Lord Drinian, the captain of the first Narnian ship, spoke. “Well, His Majesty thought it better to wait until your health improved, my Queen.”

I glared at Caspian. “My health has been perfectly fine for the past week, Lord Drinian, thank you for your concern. Now I believe, as captain of the Narnian army, I have a say in this mission.”

“Of course, my Queen. And I can assure you, no decision will be made without your approval,” Reepicheep bowed his little head again, bless his heart. Yet the fact that a talking mouse seemed to care more about my word than my own husband did was something I wasn't enjoying at all.

“Then why wasn’t I informed about this meeting?”

Every head turned to Caspian after I fired the question. My blood was already boiling by that point. I didn’t want to place the blame on him, but, after all, he hadn’t even mentioned a meeting in the first place.

Taking a breath to calm down, I continued. “Again, I appreciate the concern, but from now on, even if I’m on my deathbed, I should, no, I have to be informed about anything that involves my kingdom. I’m equally as useful out there as inside the castle.”

My eyes were glued on Caspian, who hadn’t moved his gaze off me. He could feel my anger, I was sure of that, and it was taking everything in me to not lash out completely in a room full of people. I didn’t want to give them another reason to think lowly of me as it was.

“Very well,” Caspian said at last, not without taking a big gulp at first. “Let’s begin, then.”

“I can’t believe you did that,” I closed the door to our suite with a loud bang.

Caspian flinched before me.

“I told you, I’m sorry!” he threw his hands up. “I don’t know how many times I’ve said that!”

“It’s not about what you said, Caspian, it’s about what you did! What you keep on doing, as a matter of fact!”

He lowered his voice, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Do you understand how hard it is for me?” I yelled. I knew I was letting the anger on him, but I couldn’t seem to stop now. “How hard it is to wake up every day and try twice as much to be taken seriously?”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. “I’m not a queen, Caspian. I’m a joke.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is! I told you how life was back in the days with the Pevensies! So many people in court wouldn’t hesitate to question my worth every time I took the wrong step. It took years to show everyone I was as capable as any other man. It didn’t even matter I was knighted by Aslan himself! And now?” I walked to the balcony, suddenly in desperate need of air. Despite the high ceilings of the room, I was suffocating. “Now, I know that everything I do is being scrutinized. I can’t afford to spend a day in bed because now I have an entire kingdom to look after. I can’t miss a meeting, I can’t miss a training session; I really can’t give anybody the chance to believe that I’m not worthy of being a queen.”

A single tear fell from my eyes, but Caspian brushed it away with delicate fingers. He put his hands on my shoulders, making me face him.

I didn’t want to look at him after that, but he raised my head with a finger, pinning his dark eyes on mine.

“You, are worthy of every beautiful thing in the world, my love. You have nothing to prove to anyone. I know what you’ve done and what you’re capable of, and I love you with every beat of my heart. And most importantly, you know what you’ve done and what you’re capable of. So what if you miss a few meetings? Or a mission? You are my queen, you are the queen of Narnia. Nothing’s gonna change that. And I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side, not even given the choice.”

More tears kept flowing from my eyes.

“Then why am I always this insecure?” I spoke, almost in a whisper.

Caspian smiled softly. “Because you’re human. And you have emotions, and this is no easy job, and you’re right. I don’t know what life looks like for you, and I’m sorry for keeping you away from the chaos downstairs. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I know that I can’t keep you locked away, no matter how afraid I am of something happening to you.”

“Is that why you did it?” I asked, putting my hands over his.

I intertwined our fingers together, a habit I quickly picked up after being married to him.

He nodded. “Do you know how I felt when I saw you lying there, pale and rigid?” He moved a strand of hair behind my ears, and his gaze turned slightly darker.

I shook my head. I remembered the feeling, the gnawing knowledge that my legs were giving out, and praying I wouldn’t fall too hard on my head.

“My whole world stopped. You weren’t moving. And nobody knew why. It was a scene I had already seen once at the How and I had made a promise to myself that you wouldn’t ever be in that situation again… And there you were, on the bed, five doctors surrounding you and not one of them could say what was wrong. And I don’t care that I didn’t move for a whole day, left my duties to someone else, and just sat by your side waiting for you to wake up.”

I was frozen in place. I didn’t even know what to feel anymore. All my anger suddenly dissipated, leaving longing, confusion, and guilt behind. I had been a bit too focused on my own discomfort that I hadn’t even thought about what Caspian had felt when it all happened. Even though I had been the one to drop dead in the middle of the courtyard, he had never left my side, going as far as making me breakfast despite not knowing a single thing about cooking.

“I…” I began, but he cut me off again. He somehow always managed to read my mind.

“And hey, I know what you’re thinking. It’s not your fault, okay?” Caspian said. “I don’t want you to blame yourself. I should’ve asked you first about what you wanted. And there is no way that I’m leaving without you now. I need my right hand, and I need my wife. Luckily for me, you’re both.”

I smiled. A genuine smile for the first time in hours. “Wherever you go, I go.”

“Together,” Caspian affirmed.

I brought his face to mine and kissed him, properly. The last few days we had shared quick and almost timid kisses, usually on Caspian’s behalf, probably not to hurt me. And every single doubt, fear, and hesitation was thrown out the window when his arms embraced me fully, keeping me impossibly close to him. His beard tickled my face, and my fingers got lost in his mane, a little tamer and lighter than it had been at first. His fingers trailed the light wool patterns of the shirt I wore, and I swore at that moment that no matter what came at us, I was always going to fight for him, and for us.

We pulled back at the same time, breathless and smiling.

“We leave at dawn, then.”

Next chapter

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