#Going back to the gay thing my favorite part about it is that none of the characters are really paraded around as gay they just exist

[ladykailitha]

A Love Connection Part 1

In a very special engagement (as in a don't normally post 5 days a week), I introduce "A Love Connection"!

If the premise looks familiar the original idea is from here, where a couple of people in the notes or tags said they'd love to try it. And after a year, I figured I'd try my own hand at the idea.

This will update on Tuesdays at 10am and 10pm EST. With hopefully eight chapters.

Summary: Steve has tried everything under the sun to find someone to truly connect with, so he gives up after a particularly horrible date. Then Chrissy introduces him to her favorite game show "Love Connection". When Chrissy and Robin apply for him, they don't think they'll except him, but he does. His suitors are Billy Hargrove, Tommy Hagan, and Eddie Munson. Will Steve crash and burn again or will his connection be there waiting for him?

~

Look, to say Steve’s love life was a disaster would be unfair. That would be underselling it. It was a fucking catastrophe. He had gone to bars, joined hobby groups, used all the apps, even Grindr; though that was mostly for hookups, which sucked. But that was the nature of the beast if he was honest.

And the beast had completely devoured him. All his dates were either only interested the casual, cheated on him, or wanted one-night stands. Which Steve absolutely did not want. He wanted connection. Intimacy.

“I absolutely give up,” he whined to Robin, after the last date tried to slip out in the middle of the night, knocked over their lamp into their goldfish bowl, killing the goldfish, then he tried to hide the evidence by dumping it down the garbage disposal and turning it on! Lied about it, then stole their last beer as “compensation for his trauma’ and told Steve to never call him again.

“Look, Ryan wasn’t the best guy,” Robin replied with a grimace. “He liked Oasis and Tool unironically. Always a red flag.”

Steve snorted. Robin was a music snob most days, but she wasn’t wrong about that. Ryan and he had been dancing around and with each other for weeks before they finally got so hot and heavy that they went back to Steve’s for sex.

“It’s not fair,” he huffed. “You went to that bar and you a hottie girlfriend and I went to that bar and fucked a fish killer! I loved Garfield! He lived for five years before that bastard mercilessly murdered him. That’s long than my last ten relationships combined!”

Robin winced. “Ooh... I’m going to have to call Chrissy and let her know we can’t go back to that gay bar again.”

“Oh he’s so dead now!” Steve ranted. “Not only is he fish killer, he has driven us from our favorite bar!”

“Let me order us some take out,” Robin said standing up, “then I’ll call Chrissy over and we’ll all cry over Ciarán Hinds and Amanda Root falling in love.”

Steve sniffed away a couple of tears and nodded. “Then can we have a funeral for Garfield?”

Robin tilted her head and smiled sadly. “Of course we can. It’s a Sunday so none of us have work. We can watch as many weepy romance movies as you want, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve croaked. She gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek. He watched her wander into the kitchen to see what leftovers they had in the fridge so they could order from somewhere else. He loved her so much.

~

Sometime in the afternoon when they were more than a little tipsy, Chrissy commandeered the remote and turned on her favorite game show.

“Love Connection”

“Noooo...” Steve whined, burying his head into a throw pillow. It was Garfield shaped. It was what inspired the naming of the valiant fish. “This is the last thing I want to see. It’s so fake. No one gets together on these things. It’s so cheesy.”

“Exactly!” Chrissy crowed. “That’s why it’s perfect, we get to make fun of them!”

Steve thought that the only good part of the show was the second half. The first half was split into three different rounds. The first round was each suitor answer the one question, for a total of fifteen and then the catch would rank them, best got three points, second two, and third only one.

Then in the second round there were a set of rapid fire either or questions that the catch would yell out and the suitors would write down their answers. If their answer matched the catch’s they would get a tally. Whoever had the most tallies would win five points. Then three points to second place and one to the last place.

Then in the final round, each suitor would be asked separate questions and the catch would rate their answer one through three and that’s how many points they would get. Then at the end of the round all the points would be tallied up and the two highest would move on to the next round.

To the part that Steve actually liked. The first question always asked was “what would you do for a first date?” And the suitors got to take the catch out for the date and then afterward for drinks, the two dates would ask the catch some of the questions he asked them. Then the catch would pick the one they connected to the best.

It was all the stupid questions that bothered Steve. That was the fun part of dating, having these conversations and learning about them as you go. But then maybe that’s what Steve’s problem was, is that the people he dated didn’t care about these types of conversations.

“Why would you say you hate sports,” Steve huffed, waving his hand at the screen, “when the guy is a major soccer fan? Like did she think that she was going to put a stop to him enjoying it after starting dating?”

“Ooh yeah,” Chrissy agreed. “Just pick a different catch.”

Robin turned to her and tilted her head. “Do they get to chose their catch? I thought it was all random.”

Chrissy paused the show and pulled out her phone and the Wikipedia article. “Okay, it says here that people can apply to be suitors,” she waved at the row of women in the three booths. “Or catches.” She indicated the guy with her hand. “If they’re chosen to be a suitor then they are given a list of catches, headshot included. Then they rank vote them, so if four people pick Henry, then one will be on their second rank vote. And that part is randomized. According to them, anyway.”

Steve snorted. He highly doubted anything was randomized or voted on. They went for the biggest drama and everyone knew it.

“How long has this show been going on?” he huffed. “Like please tell it’s new and shiny and that’s why people like it.”

Robin snorted and shook her head. “Sorry, babe. But this is season twelve.”

“Oohh...” Chrissy said. “We need to show him the season six finale. That was hella juicy!”

So despite Steve’s protests, Chrissy pulled it up on her streaming services even though they hadn’t even finished the episode they were on.

When the credits rolled, Steve stared at the screen in utter shock. “What the honest fuck was that?”

Two of the three guys got into an all out brawl when the one guy had scored the lowest and felt that the second place suitor cheated. Not first place, second. Both guys were arrested and hauled off the set.

“It came out later Sven was right,” Robin said. “Elliot cheated. His cousin was an ex of the catch so he went in knowing a lot about Stella. The things he got wrong were things that had changed since she was dating his cousin.”

Chrissy nodded. “That’s why the have partitions up between the suitors now and why they have vigorous screening now. The show was almost canceled.”

“So why wasn’t it?” Steve asked honestly. “That was a shit show, if I was Stella I would have sued them into oblivion.”

Robin squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “She did, but they settled out of court.”

“Basically,” Chrissy said, pouring them more wine and handing the first glass to Steve, “she wanted them to completely overhaul the system. She didn’t want it off the air, she wanted it safer for future participants.”

“The more the fool them,” Steve huffed. He took a long sip of his wine. “All right, fine. Let’s start at the beginning.”

Robin and Chrissy cheered and they all huddled up together on the sofa to watch this absolute train wreck of a show.

They were about half way through the third season and twice as drunk when Steve slurred, “Why are there no gay peemles in this? It’s a trav–trad–tramajesty.”

“Travesty!” Robin slurred back, her language skills always being the last to go when she’s three sheets to the wind. “And you are absolutely right! This is homophobic!”

Chrissy nodded solemnly and pulled out her phone. “I’mma show them...” she muttered with her tongue sticking out. “At loveconnectionUSA Need more gays, hashtag loveconnection hashtag need more gays.”

It wasn’t long after that that the three of them passed out on the sofa, empty bottles all around them and a message on the screen asking if they’re still watching.

~

There was a loud beeping noise and it absolutely was hurting his head. He reached over to where his phone was usually plugged in on his nightstand, but his hand went straight through it. He waved his arm all over the place but still his nightstand eluded him.

He peaked open one eye but his vision was obscured by a mass of blonde hair. He tried to push it out of the way but it kept falling back into his face. Finally he pushed Robin off him and onto the floor with a thud.

“Hey!” she yelped.

Steve peered over the edge of the sofa with a look of confusion. “Why are you on the floor?” he muttered over the still beeping of his alarm.

“Stop!” he mumbled and somehow, blissfully it did.

“I’m on the floor because you pushed me there,” Robin huffed, getting to her feet. She did a sniff test and grimaced when she completely failed. “God... how much did we drink yesterday?”

Chrissy struggled to sit up and blinked at her girlfriend groggily. “Not enough if I feel like this.”

Steve rolled over and looked at them both in confusion, then the events of Saturday and all day Sunday came flooding back in.

“Oh fuck...” he muttered, sitting up himself and rubbing his face. One eye was blurry from where his contact had shifted in the night. He wasn’t even sure why he had them on. Probably from sheer force of habit.

He got up and stumbled toward the bathroom where he emptied his stomach of all its boozy contents. He really didn’t remember them eating after breakfast, only a steady stream of harder and harder liquor.

While his was puking his guts out, Chrissy and Robin stole the shower. Thankfully only taking the time they needed to get the gross feeling of being hungover off their skin.

Then Steve closed his eyes as they exited the shower and snuck into Robin’s room to get ready for work. They all worked at Hawkins Middle School, where Steve was a history teacher who coached swimming and basketball. Chrissy was a health teacher and advisor for cheerleading. And Robin was the language teacher. The principal snatched her up because she could teach French, Spanish, and Italian, with her only needing to hire a German teacher.

Steve got his shower and then opted for glasses instead of his contacts, not trusting his shaky hands not poke out his eye or some shit.

They all were mostly human once they got coffee, painkillers, and cereal in them, the three of them, no doubt looking like escaped extras from a zombie flick. They moved as one, gathering up their stuff and shuffling out to Steve’s car. Chrissy sat in the back, Robin riding shotgun.

Chrissy opened her phone to check to see if she had any messages. “Holy shit!”

~

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Look I'd be sorry about the cliffhanger, but you're only waiting 12 hours for it, soooo...

Have fun!

Tag List: TEN SLOTS OPEN

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

[katiekatdragon27]

Guys what is this book and what is the Bill on it? All I know is gay shapes-

A. Sphere: I'm not calling you "Good Boy" A. Square, that court case was SHIT.

Me earlier: Wow! The Book of Bill just came out, that's cool ig.

Everyone recently: *being super active in the tag, watching the movies, relogging and liking my art*

Me: *me carrying some small doodles over* WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???

Thanks for bringing me back to brainrot by spam-liking all my old posts guys I forgive none of you (/J I LOVE YOU ALL)

More stuff below cut (BE WARNED NEW FLAT-PEOPLE SOME OF IT IS LOWKEY SPOILERY):

A. Square and A. Faux Line: Damn, that circle kinda a hottie- ...

I had this silly idea after my 29374th time watching Flatland that a majority of the first part of the movie is just A. Sphere watching all the shit go down like the worst telenovela you've ever seen. Also, that A. Line was originally going to be the apostle, but... uh... she can't really do that anymore, so he banks all his money on A. Square.

Also, I thought it would be super funny of A. Square and A. Faux Line both crushed on A. Sphere when he first showed up lol. Crazy smooth priest spawns and everyone swoons.

Older Hex doodles too. I love Hex, they're such a real one the whole time. With all the faults of Sphereland, I do like Hex maining in that one. But I also like picking and choosing which things I take as canon in my own work, so you get young adult Hex with their totally not-romantically-involved-with-at-all partner Punto (P. Octagon).

It's been a bit since Flatland happened in this hypothetical, so A. Square's still around. He's trying to be supportive of his masc-nonbinary kid who likes kissing boys, but still has to be annoying with dad jokes and the occasional backhanded compliment. He means well tho.

A. Tesseract: Hello A. Square!

A. TESSERACT OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU POOKIE <3333. She's probably one of my most favorite ocs I've made (and the one that gets the most art <3) She's also the one I feel the least awkward about shoving into the source material lol. I yearn to work on A Heightlander's Escape again, but we'll see.

I just wanted to draw something cute between her and A. Square. She may or may not be the voice at the end of the movie hmmmmmmmm.

At least A. Square would end up in good hands.

"There is always something beyond. There is always INFINITY."

Just a little doodle of smth I may or may not render cuz I really like how it looks. There is always something greater after all.

Thank you all for the recent support on those old-ish drawing, y'all made my week tbh. I have a new AU cooking for this so look forward to that lol. Have a good one :)))

[pigdemonart]

Battle Subway Depot Agents (by pig-demon)

When I made designs for these guys last year I didn’t really think they needed colored references/master post, but since then I’ve drawn them a lot! Also people have added them to their fanfics and drawn fanart! So I figured it was time I made a post for easy ref. :]

These designs are obviously free to use, just give credit (and link me your work if you're comfortable, because it makes me happy to see!) All I request is to stay respectful to their pronouns and skin colors, ya knooow… 👍 note: The pokemon on their cards are all companions, not the ones they use on the Battle Subway. Except Jackie...the litwicks are just there to fill space/give them company.

More info under cut:

Edit: Important disclaimer:

These are again my designs/interpretations for the agents. Please don’t treat them as canon or as the only, quintessential designs for these literal background npcs. Many people have done takes on them before and after me, even back in 2010. It feels silly to ask, but due to past experience, I ask that you please DONT hunt down anyone that does a different take on the depot agents!! 👍

Tags:

I'm gonna start tagging them individually, but for now all Depot Agent comics and art on this blog are tagged under Depot Agents.

Height chart:

I’m not too strict about heights, so I don’t really care about actual measurements. Here’s an approximation of what I tend to visualize though:

Sexualities/Gender Identities: I don't have official labels for each and every agent because I like keeping things fluid for characters to develop these traits on their own. However, as a queer person, I enjoy designing characters who are also queer, therefore I can safely say none of these characters are straight. The ones who are set in stone are Ramses (gay man), Cloud (lesbian woman,) Jackie (non-binary.) Furze uses he/they pronouns but their gender is undetermined. I also welcome anyone giving the agents a different gender identity to suit them (as long as it's done respectfully.)

Notes about each agent...

Cameron:

- Cameron dyes parts of his hair blonde and keeps other parts in black. This is because he is a big fan of Elesa and her fashion choices.  - Though there have been a few occasions to meet his idol, he is always way too nervous to approach her, feeling deep down that he'll mess up somehow. - He practices modeling poses in secret. He loves flourishes and flare, but is simply too insecure to put it on display. - Of his coworkers, he gets along the best with Furze. He's the easiest to talk to because Furze will do most of the talking. - Cameron is easily intimidated — even mean Pokémon can make him nervous. Though, his two worst fears are being left in a room alone with Jackie, and being left alone in a room with Isadore. - He takes advantage of his height to sometimes hide behind some of his coworkers. - Cameron is much better at Pokémon battles than he gives himself credit for. Emmet and Ingo were pleasantly surprised by this, since Cameron was promoted to fit a temporary role on the Battle Subway. They happily made him a permanent member when he proved himself capable. - His Dwebble (Pebby) is secretly very strong, and rushes to protect Cameron when it can. Cam sometimes thinks Pebby helps him feel more confident in himself too.  - If he stumbled into any of his coworkers outside of work, he would simply explode of embarrassment. - He is the youngest child and only son of his family. He lives in his own apartment in Nimbasa.

Cloud:

- Cloud (like Ramses) knew the twins when they were very young. - She used to be an ace trainer in her youth, even going so far to compete in the Pokémon league. Winning and becoming the champ was the most important part of her journey, but something happened along the way that changed that outlook. - It seems with age, her competitiveness has mellowed out. However, she maintains an intense energy when battling.  - Her favorite types are Psychic and Flying types. Swoobat (Sweetie) is her ace.  - Her favorite hobby is baking, and she often bakes sweets for the crew. She knows all their favorite flavors by now! - She prioritizes keeping a friendly relationship with all her coworkers and thinks of them fondly. She considers Ramses family after all the years of working together!  - She is a big fan of Brycen's movies and can recite the lines. - She lives with her wife in Anville. - Cloud loves doing maintenance work both at home and in Gear Station. She enjoys bringing her own tools and industrial flashlight.

Furze:

- Furze only has one volume setting (mid loud,) but he finds himself feeling right at home when talking to either one of the twins. - Furze has ADHD, and this is reflected in some of his habits, most visibly is his fidgeting when sitting still for too long. - He rides a bike to work every day. When he is late, Cloud clocks in for him so he doesn't get in trouble. - This is a kind of a guy that sits crouched gargoyle style on chairs. Only outside of work, of course. Bad posture could get him in trouble. - While working on the Battle Subway, there will be times Furze feels sorry for his opponents and offers to quietly let them pass anyways. This...has also gotten him in trouble. :[ - He went to the same elementary school as Isadore in Castelia. Though Isadore seems to have forgotten their short-lived acquaintance, Furze has not. This is part of the reason Furze claims they are in fact good friends!!! - Furze is the middle child of a big family. He lives with his mom and takes care of her, along with his many Darumakas and Darmanitan. All of his Pokemon have famous trains names. - He collects model trains. Naturally.

Isadore

- Isadore had plans to become the station master the moment he was hired as a depot agent, but alas... (sad trumpet sound.) - As a youth, he was more interested in science and engineering over Pokemon battles. He enjoys the strategizing aspect, at most. Not so much the competitiveness. - In addition, his Pokemon are all rescues and not used for battling. He's had his Watchog (Winston) since he was in his late teens. - His Electrode (Gregor) and Voltorb (Leonard) were rescued from the likes of Team Plasma. - Isadore admits he understands Pokemon better than humans. This has been apparent his whole life. - In spite of acting like a sitcom villain, Isadore cares about the management of Gear Station and the safety of the passengers to an incredible degree. He sees it as a personal life goal to assist in the management of Gear Station, as well as the success of the Battle Subway. - Though it pained him to become a subordinate to the twins, he begrudgingly accepts it for the greater good. - His almost militant efficiency certainly made up for his years of antagonizing the twins before they became the bosses. Ingo and Emmet understand this better than anyone. - Isadore keeps tabs on all of the staff members. So he very well knows all their birthdays and makes it a point to celebrate it. This is by no means a -happy- or -festive- event. It's just customary. - Like Furze, he was originally from Castelia, but now resides in Nimbasa. Isadore's only family is his mom and she lives in his childhood home with their Stoutland. - Isadore would have probably been voiced by every glasses guy ever J. Michael Tatum had he not already been cast as dear Emmet lmao

Jackie

- Jackie is a mystery and they like keeping it that way. When they talk, it's practically impossible to determine what is a lie or truth, especially if the subject is themselves or their background. - They love scaring Cameron the most and will ask to be paired with him whenever possible. They claim Cameron is their "favorite coworker," while Isadore is the least favorite. - It's plain to see why -- Jackie is the only one that doesn't passively tolerate Isadore's tirades. - Though my comics sometimes may allude to Jackie being a ghost/supernatural, this is not confirmed nor canon. I just personally enjoy toying with the concept. : ) That being said...

- Item #: SCP 7453

- Object Class: Euclid

- Special Containment Procedures: The ████ ██████ is ██████ within ████-██████. - Ingo and Emmet choose to not question anything about Jackie, since it's clear they're one of the more efficient workers. However it can be a safety concern... - Cloud and Ramses have worked with Jackie for a long time, though they've forgotten somehow. They believe Jackie is a new hire since they appear to be young. - Anyone trying to make sense of Jackie's employee records simply can't bring themselves to any conclusions. It's better to ignore the inconsistencies. - Jackie has never been seen to leave Gear Station. Jackie has never been seen in anything but their uniform. Jackie has never been confirmed to eat, drink or blink. Jackie knows your secrets. Jackie thinks it's... amusing.

Ramses

- Ramses sometimes misses having a full head of hair, but he thinks his signs of age make him look distinguished. (he is correct.) - Ramses is sort of the "mom friend," making sure everyone's concerns are heard, as well as trying to keep the peace whenever a conflict might arise. - If another coworker is feeling low, Ramses will try to cheer them up with a lighthearted joke or offer advice if they'd like it. - When the twins were promoted to bosses of the Battle Subway, Ramses cried because he felt so proud. - In most circumstances, he is a very simple and logical man. He is quick to find solutions and tries not to fret over the little stuff. It's not good for his heart after all. - His ace is his Pikachu (Musa,) though the mouse is more of a lap pet now. At home, he also has an Audino (Sara) and a Manectric (Nubi) who keep Ramses' husband company. His Klinklang (Moli) is the only one of his personal pokemon that accompany him to work nowadays. - Ramses considers Cloud family. They are best friends and love having family gatherings outside of work. They also gossip a lot, and don't mind when Jackie decides to join. - Ramses jokes about looking forward to retirement, but really doesn't want to leave until he is physically incapable of working anymore. Gear Station is like a second home to him.

In-Game Quotes

The most important reference of all are their in-game quotes, of course, so I'm adding it to the post. A lot of their personality traits can be extracted and interpreted from these few lines. And I personally love that about Pokemon NPCs -- there's a lot of room to explore and play with. Some appear very obvious. Cameron practically announces that he isn't ready for the battle that's about to ensue and seems genuinely surprised to win. Furze comes out the gate talking about the subject they actually care about, which is their job and their love for trains. The two of them are very easy to understand. Now, Ramses lines allude to a gentle and simple personality. He views himself with humility, and maybe even with a bit of humor comparing himself to a train and to his opponent to a station. If he loses he shows no signs of disappointment, he just accepts defeat with one last honest quip. It s also amusing to see the Depot Agents all use train metaphors to describe themselves since it falls in line with how Ingo and Emmet talk.

In comparison, Cloud does the same thing calling herself the terminal instead. Immediately, she is way more daring, though still keeping a sense of professionalism. To me, it's obvious she is competitive as she even admits she was expecting to win ("Ah...I didn't see it coming.") Jackie's lines are fun since it's up to interpretation if they are being literal or lying. It's almost like they are more interested in confusing/creeping out their opponent than actually beating them. To me, it gives off a mischievous vibe. Isadore's opener "There are only two roads in life." is a curious one because it almost feels like he is trying to be philosophical. Definitely a guy who views himself as an intellectual, regardless if that’s true or not. I like to think it's a saying he really believes in, and it applies to his life. The road he likes (long route) vs the road he hates (shortcut) -- fighting tooth and nail to become boss vs biting his tongue and accepting Ingo and Emmet as the Subway Masters.

Those are just my thoughts on how I write these characters. Please have fun playing with these lines too!

[these-posts-arent-real]

Time to catch up on your favorite dashboard simulator :3

#gonna start scheduling these for 1 or 2 per day #i really enjoy making them but I think i'll get burnt out otherwise #also HUGE ty to whoever was the anon who sent me the idea #about having therian cats #ohhh my god #hey anon #(or anyone else but im talkin to u) #feel free to dm me to talk at any point you seem cool

15 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

I PASSED MY ASSESSMENT!!! AAAAAHHH

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

OMSC CONGRATS MOOSE! I'm so happy for you!!!!

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

WOAAAHHH CONGRATULATIONS MOOOSEE!!! Have you had your name ceremony yet??

#im so happy for ya dude #moving on from apprenticeship </3 #gonna miss you in the 'apprentice things' tag

10 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow reblogged

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

Daily selfie !!!

Trying on some new berry-based fur dye.

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

The amount of cats commenting "you'll never be a she-cat" and "wearing fur dye won't make you female" is astounding. Like. Thanks?? I'm a trans guy not a trans girl...

#lol?? #this is so funny to me #trans

4,703 notes

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Ahh.. different type of post than usual, but.. mmrrnn... I'm considering coming out to my mentor. I know he's supportive, but I'm really nervous, so, uh.. I'm gonna leave it up to a Clanblr poll haha..

#trans #transmasc #trans tom #transgender #trans apprentice #advice #poll

4 notes

🤍 snwtl Follow

* ,○ ' WELCOME TO MY BLOG ^. o° ;

adult female cat - 49 moons - gender critical

Keep reading

#terfsafe #radfem #adult female cat #terf #riverclan

0 notes

🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

New neighbors have THE most annoying dog I've ever met in my life. Won't shut up about how that's her yard and to get back... nobody wants your yard Jackie, shut uppp...

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Since when do you speak dog????

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

I started picking it up when I moved to the twolegplace. I'm still not fluent, but I can hold a conversation with the neighborhood dogs if I want.

#every new thing i learn about kipper #just. wow #he is so coolll... #this is totally not the gender envy and parent issues speaking

2,851 notes

🔁 🌊 missingmyscales reblogged

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

The worst part about being a fox therian is that even when I am partially accepted, it's usually because cats are telling me how horrible foxes are, and how I should've "picked a different species" because they think that's how it works.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Imagine being a fish. In RiverClan.

The closest I ever get to "acceptance" is my friends joking about how I would taste.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

How does it feel to have to eat the thing your damaged brain thinks you are. Lol

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Frst off. "Damaged brain" like. Oookay guess we're just being really mean to others on Clanblr today. Second off ,I dont eat fish??? I never even implied that I eat fish.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

You're from RiverClan lmao. What else is there to eat

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

...

You are joking, right?

Lizards, birds, water voles and shrews, snakes, frogs, toads?? None of those come to mind when you consider the potential diet of a RiverClan warrior??????

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

@missingmyscales you should probably just block @lalala-bluegaze, her whole blog is about being anti-kittypet, anti-therian, not believing enbies or bisexuals/any other lgbt identity than lesbian or gay or binary trans is valid, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It's not worth talking to her.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Ahh thanks... blocked her. I didnt think to check her blog beforehand

#sorry again for arguing on your post, Maple #saw a misconception ab RiverClan and blacked out lol

407 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass reblogged

🌾 barncat-vibes Follow

Good morning everyone <3 remember to eat breakfast and stay hydrated!

2,301 notes

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Ithunk i atw a bug

#it difnr taste good euther :/

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🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

So I guess I'm just on this site now?? Clanblr is gone. I can't access any of its posts. But. I can see "Tumblr". Which is weird. The posts are really strange here.

[steviewashere]

My Boy

Rating: GeneralCW: Minor mention of homophobia/slur (not said)Pairings: Eddie Munson & Wayne Munson, Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson (minor)Tags: Pre-Canon, Relationship Study, Gay Eddie Munson, Coming Out, Supportive Wayne Munson, Good Parent Wayne Munson, Ally Wayne Munson, Southern (adjacent) Wayne Munson, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Wayne Munson is a Sweetheart, Mentions of Eddie's Shitty Dad, Post Canon

Quick little thing here: crawdads are crayfish (I call 'em crawdaddies), jambalaya is a Louisiana dish containing rice meat and other fixings, skeeter is a mosquito, maw-maw is a grandmother, and lightning bugs are fireflies.

🏳️‍🌈—————🏳️‍🌈 Eddie has always been a whirlwind of movement and words and voices. Even in his most dire, most embarrassing, or even most depressing moments—he’s never been one to be unlike himself. He’s like an early morning Saturday cartoon come to life. Not a single moment in Wayne’s new life with this kid has been drought dry, silent, and still.

Tonight it is. Which is odd.

He made a damn good jambalaya tonight. Went out of his way to go a little bit outside of Hawkins. Picked up the juiciest looking pack of sausage he could find. Even bought a batch of fresh crawdads, none of that frozen crap. Spiced it with devil’s intuition and his maw-maw's guiding hands. And served it up all nice in his favorite deep bowls. Usually, the reaction to a part of Wayne’s soul, bared mixed up and spiced to the nine hells, is an excited little wiggle at the table, maybe some comment about how Eddie’s been having dreams about the dish for weeks, maybe even a good natured moan.

However, when Wayne sits his bottom down on one of the rickety dining chairs, Eddie’s stoic in his spot. Spoon fisted in hand, yes, like it always is. But he’s taking pathetic bites. The damned utensil’s not even full. Isn’t spilling over.

Wayne looks to him, then. Pinched eyebrows. Squinted eyes. A purse to his bottom lip. “What’s wrong with you, boy?” He eloquently asks. “Did a skeeter bite you on the bottom or somethin’? Eat up.”

Eddie’s eyes rocket up from his bowl. Big and brown, almost too big for his little face. He’s frowning down to Satan’s feet. Eyebrows, that are still growing in and too dark for his pale skin, bunched. He’s wearing an ill fitting Johnny Cash t-shirt that Wayne knows was stolen straight from his dresser drawers. It’s stretched around the collar, revealing Eddie’s scrawny shoulders and all the freckles he got from being kissed by the Tennessee sun as a little boy. There’s something about him, though. Sure, he’s a little boy—sort of. Fourteen years old and a hell of a lot taller than Wayne has seen for a boy his age. But his face reads maturity. Like he’s been drowned in it. Aged beyond his years. If the fear in his eyes has anything to say about it.

“Bubba,” Wayne sighs. “You been in my home for a little over a year now, what’s got you lookin’ at me like I’m huntin’ you down for sport? Like a damn deer, boy.”

“It’s nothing, Uncle Wayne.”

“It’s something if you ain’t eating you’re favorite dish I make.” Wayne sets his own spoon back down on the table. Leaning a bit on the surface, arms crossed and lax in front of him. He lowers his head to be eye-to-eye with Eddie. Murmurs, “You don’t gotta fear me, kiddo. What’s going on, Ed?”

He’s never seen a little boy take a grievance gulp. A swallow the size of a tennis ball. Out of his beer drinking buddies, sure. And the men he served alongside back in the seventies before he was honorably discharged. But a kid? No way.

“I—“ Eddie’s eyes prematurely fill with tears. And Wayne’s never been privy to something like this either. He’s a happy kid. A kid with a terrible upbringing, but that’s never stopped him from having fun and laughing loud and being a little bit too obnoxious. Wayne misses his kid. His stomach churns. “I kissed a boy today,” Eddie weakly mumbles. His throat is thick with tears and his tongue is three sizes too big for his mouth, but Wayne hears him clearly despite it all.

Wayne nods carefully. Small, but there. “Okay, Ed. You kissed a boy. That’s alright, Bubba. I ain’t mad. It ain’t my business to be mad,” he murmurs.

“Really?” Eddie’s voice squeaks. “You ain’t mad at me? Even though I—Daddy told me it was sinful. Told me that I—That I was going to—“

“Your daddy had his head up his own ass. And he hasn’t been inside a church since he was an awful little boy. God knows he needs to go,” Wayne is quick to reassure. “He ain’t got two words in your business, kid. Besides, you ain’t with your daddy anymore.”

Eddie nods. His eyes point down to his cooling jambalaya. He scoots his spoon around in the few straggler pieces of rice that fell from his utensil. “The boy called me a bad word. I won’t say it, but it felt bad when it left his mouth. Will it always…Will people always think of me like that?” His voice is small, unlike himself, too serious. It’s nearly lost in the wood of the table.

Wayne shrugs in response. Because he truly isn’t sure. “You think you’ll always kiss boys? It’s alright if you do, but is that…”

He nods again. Fast and so sure of himself. A part of Wayne is shining like a diamond at the confidence in this kid. “I liked it before he ran away. I want to do it again.”

“Okay, Ed. Then, you’ll do it again. And maybe it’ll be bad and maybe people will be mean. But you’ll always be Eddie. You ain’t got nothing on the other kids in the world, y’know that?” Eddie just shrugs. Wayne leans back in his chair and briefly looks out of the window above the table. At the warm lights filling the trailer park. The setting sun playing hide-and-seek beyond the homes here. He sighs carefully through his nose. “When you came ‘ere seekin’ a bed, I wasn’t too sure about this little arrangement. I knew you’d be a little rowdy. A lot of a stubborn ass, because you’re like your mama. And may she rest in peace, but she was always playing my temper like a damn fiddle.”

Eddie laughs warmly. Giggling enough to jolt his body into movement. Wayne smiles, still peering out the window.

He continues, “So I wasn’t too sure about you, at first. Knew that I loved you, that’s damn sure. Knew it the moment your daddy showed you to me. Cooing about your mama’s eyes and your curly hair and your ruddy little cheeks. When I got to hold ya for the first time, you latched onto my thumb and refused to let go. Thought I’d have to take ya home right then and there.” He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shakes his head in false disappointment. “Shame I couldn’t, tell you that. But look at cha now. Sitting here in my home, wearing my shirt—even though I told ya to quit that and ask me first—“

“Sorry, Wayne,” Eddie mutters.

“It’s alright, kiddo. I was just playin’ witcha. But you’re here now, that’s all that matters. You got warm food on the table. And you got your dragon game and your funny talkin’ books about elves and whatnot. You got enough energy to light every house in the world. How I ain’t worn out and completely bald yet, I ain’t sure, but I like what you got, kid. Moxie, I think that’s what it’s called.” He chuckles. Glows with pride as Eddie finally smiles, sticking it to his face and not letting it peel off. “But I love you, Ed. You’re my boy. I know damn and true that every part of you is good. You do as you please, but you be safe about it. There are risks. A conversation when we ain’t eating. But, you be Ed and I’ll be here.”

He leans back over the table, reaches out a hand and ruffles Eddie’s short tufts of curly hair. Eddie squawks. He tries to shimmy away, but gives up on it when he looks up to Wayne. Eyes alight with pride and giddiness. Something like contentment and comfort. There’s a flush to his cheeks from the laughter that spills out of him. Warm like the soft glow of lightning bugs. Wayne scoots his palm down the side of Eddie’s face and cups his palm. Cherishes the way Eddie leans into it.

“You promise me that, Ed? Promise you never change.”

“Promise, Wayne,” Eddie murmurs. “Now leave me alone with your sap, I’m hungry.” And he promptly scoops up too much to fit in his mouth. Shown in the way his shirt is stained with the droppings.

Wayne chuckles again and goes back to his food. The damn gall on this kid, he thinks.

——— And sure, over the years, Eddie makes some damn poor choices when it comes to messing around with boys. Forgets to check-in about when Wayne will be home from work, always loud and proud about who he is when Wayne wants to sleep for the next century. Sticks his tongue down throats for long enough that Wayne always worries that the other boy swallowed him up. But he’s still Eddie.

He’s still Eddie when he introduces Steve Harrington. Who’s on par with Wayne in a lot of ways. Loves to cook. Loves to watch football. Likes to take care of his car and the people around him. Is a little bitchy. Likes gossiping about the neighbors and getting on Eddie’s nerves. He’s perceptive about “his boy”—words straight from Steve’s mouth—and knows just how to take care of him.

A part of Wayne wonders what great force brought them together. Something to do with the age in their eyes and the scars on their sides and the jumps at flickering lights. But he won’t question it.

Because they got their boy.

And Eddie Munson is one hell of a spirit.

🏳️‍🌈—————🏳️‍🌈 Hope y'all enjoyed. I had an idea really late and just needed to write this really quick. Also, I'm so rusty on my Southern bullshit. I haven't been back in Louisiana in over a decade. But I did grow up with somebody Southern in my home, and admittedly have picked up the smallest twinge in my voice as well as the weirdest wordage, but whatever.

[hadesoftheladies]

if you're a radfem (or feminist in general) chances are you're dealing with these: repressed anger and the effects of gaslighting

if you're exhausted a lot (without strenuous physical activity and lack of sleep), find yourself having outbursts of strong emotion, feeling desperate for a form of escape, fantasizing about drastic measures, anxious and "forgetful" about memories you have, nervous about speaking about your experiences . . .

here's some tricks on how i've been coping:

-boundaries. if you can cut off people (irl or online) that cause you to spiral into hate, frustration, anger at their ignorance/malice, do it. even if it's a musician whose one song you like. or your brother or dad. limit time as much as possible with them. the less access they have, the less relevant they become, the more energy you conserve.

-do art! create something, it doesn't matter what it is. express those emotions! make sure you're doing it in a judgement-free zone. it's important you don't become a critic at this time. do messy, honest art (sometimes i write short scenes of gay/lesbian characters to cope with the homophobia in my life, and it makes me feel MUCH better and less cynical, sometimes you need to create beauty to remember it exists in the world)

-get out! get out into nature, if you can. if you can't immerse yourself in some form of it. try watching a potted plant for a while or watch insects. take interest in the mundane aspects of life. see that leaf curl? that ant? you're part of that. when you see the clouds, remember they are part of the cycle. the earth grows into its beauty as you do. the moon is the sky's cycle tracker. you belong to this world. you belong in it. this is your home. revel in it.

-if you can, and if you want to, hang out with animals. animals are great companions with none of the misogyny, internalized or otherwise! they don't mind if you cry, either. seriously, if you need non-draining, non-complicated companionship, animals are a good option. it's also good to remember you're a simple animal sometimes, with simple needs. sometimes all you need is a nice belly rub and a little treat.

-cultivate female friendships where it's safe to rant and also not all about ranting. your friendships should be a comfort, not a chore. you need irl community. if you can access it at this time, if you can find a way to cultivate it, please do. it may save you

-it is okay to enoy things despite the evil in the world. you don't have to be an activist 24/7. go watch your favorite movie. listen to your favorite comedian. and let down your guard while you're enjoying that little something. it's important you don't fall into analyzing things.

-for the gaslighting, start having conversations where you make it explicitly clear that you want the other party to ONLY listen. also, JOURNAL, even if it's just a paragraph or two sentences. write down the small important facts of your day. you'll either build a more reliable memory or come to see how reliable your memory is. just don't hang out with people that are constantly testing you. that is not an environment where you develop healthy trust in yourself.

-fight back! these are some ways to heal from the bruising of the world, but honestly? you need to acknowledge how RIGHT and GOOD your anger is. and one of the best ways to do that is to fight back! do something that addresses part of the injustice your heart is screaming about. it doesn't have to be big, it just needs to help someone and address the situation. address the alarms in your brain telling you something isn't right and you have to do something about it. scratch that itch! do that something. you will feel really good

please feel free to add any other tips you guys may have for cultivating joy, hope and energy, because we don't have to be miserable while/for doing the right thing

[kyuusberry]

kitty | ive liz - oneshot

pairing: gf!liz x gn!reader

genre/theme: fluff, non idol au

warnings: none

ib: nothing

notes: all of my stories, oneshots, drabbles, ect are all fiction (fake/made up) except for the idols!! my stories do not depict how these idols actually act or their sexual orientation (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, aromantic, ect). the only time you'll ever read semi-true things is if it's my headcanons then i do use some facts from kprofiles and sometimes youtube videos but that's it.

a/n: special ive oneshot series because i'm seeing them on the 16th <3 they won't be in order by age, just by whoever i want! link to all of the parts will be here!

cis men, homophobes, racists, 20+, smut accounts dni

liz gasped, "look at him! the cat is so cute!" she smiled, looking at a small, gray-ish cat named seok.

"he is cute," you smiled.

you, and your girlfriend liz were at a pet shelter, just looking around and playing with the animals there. liz always said she didn't want to adopt, but you could tell she did. she always liked helping the staff out with the animals, it made her happy.

you liked seeing her happy, and that was usually when you took her to an animal shelter. and today, that's exactly what you did. but what she didn't know was that you took her to the shelter today to see which animal she took the most interest in so you could adopt the animal tomorrow and surprise her.

obviously, she didn't suspect anything because you two go to the shelters so often together, she thought you were just taking her because she was really excited to go to the shelter again that weekend. the only hard part was that she took interest in every animal there. you had no idea which one she would like the most.

liz gasped again, breaking your train of thought, "babe! look at the cute pug! she's so tiny!" she cooed, petting the puppy and giving her a treat before leaving.

you laughed a little, "i can see that, love."

when you two left the shelter, she was pretty upset, but you took her to her favorite ice cream parlor before heading back home. by the time you got back, you were sure which animal you were gonna get her. that small, gray-ish cat. sol? sun? no- it was seok. that was the cat's name.

the next morning, you said you were going to go on your daily morning jog, but that was a lie. you went back to the shelter to get seok. you bought him online the night before, when liz was asleep. you felt bad for lying to her, but it was a surprise, you kind of had to.

"thank you for purchasing seok. he just got here not too long ago, so he is still a little feisty, but don't worry too much. we've trained him and helped him get used to humans the past couple months he's been here," the lady at the desk smiled.

you had seok in your arms, petting him and smiling, "thank you as well. see you soon," you set seok in his pet carrier, waved and left.

there was no traffic that day, so it only took you about 8 minutes to get back home. you opened the door and softly set the cage down. thankfully, liz was in your shared bedroom so she couldn't see.

"liz! come here, i have a surprise for you!" you called out and liz came out pretty quickly.

"close your eyes and hold out your arms for me, love."

she did as she was asked and felt something somewhat heavy and fluffy in her arms, "what is this?" she laughed.

"open your eyes."

when she opened her eyes, she was excited, happy, and shocked all at once, "you bought me a cat?! seok from the shelter yesterday! oh my gosh, thank you so much!" her eyes were tearing up and she gently set the cat down on the couch before hugging you tightly.

"this is the best gift ever, thank you y/n," she cried.

you hugged her back, "of course, my love. i love you," you whispered in her ear.

[bearieio]

simon "ghost" riley headcanons because i cant sleep and i love him.

genre: fluff! - mention of bdsm/fetishwear in fashion (with a hint of suggestive content?)

warnings: none! these are just really unorganized.. :( plus i ramble a LITTLE BIT. SORRY! fem!reader; uses she/her prns

⋆ most definitely has a staring problem. he’s constantly gazing into your eyes, focusing your face, your body, everything. every chance he gets, he’s studying every inch of your body. watching you closely as you do simple things such as reading a book, lying down, and especially when you’re getting ready. it’s his favorite activity… apart from other things..

⋆ whether you’re shorter than him, taller than him, bigger than him, or smaller than him, he cannot and will not keep his hands off of you. he loves to touch every crack and crevice on (and in) your body. your hips, your back, your legs, your hair, your face, he loves all the parts of you.

⋆ vverrryyyyyy clingy. cannot stand being away from you for more than 2 minutes. he doesn't know how he makes it through the missions. he's usually in utter despair the whole time, but he gets the job done!

⋆ despite what everyone else says, he’s almost always extremely gentle with you and the other people he cares about. he's genuinely afraid he's going to hurt you one day, and he won't be able to forgive himself even if you can. he appreciates your constant reassurance, but in the back of his mind, that thought still lingers.

⋆ he loves, loves, loovvess to praise you and call you the cutest petnames. he loves the way his sweet little comments and sayings make you blush and squirm. he praises the absolute hell out of you for even the smallest things.

"you're doin' so well, sweetheart," "my sweet girl." "good girl." "-my girl" "there she is!" "look at me, babygirl." "missed you, puppy."

⋆ autism. no i will not be elaborating.

⋆ (last one for funsies) enjoys alternative and heavier genres of music. classic NWOBHM and dad rock enjoyer. probably thinks ozzy is god (because he is). every time he brings up judas priest he also has to bring up the fact that rob halford is gay and introduced bdsm and fetish wear to the metal scene.......

omg sorry that this post is so short.. ITS MY FIRST ONE!

constructive criticism is appreciated !!!

[kentjohnson91]

Today we are going to discuss trades/ free agency signings that have happened this offseason and how and why they made me upset:

Nikita Zadorov: Vancouver➡️Boston (free agency)

As a Bruins fan SO EXCITED

As a fan of chaos i’m sad

Him and Myers reeking havoc on the ice together was so iconic for the short time we were blessed by it😔

Nick Blankenburg: Columbus➡️Nashville (free agency)

This was like one of very few moves i have not approved of by Mr Don Waddell

He was cooking from the start and then this happened

Like Ik he was probs gonna be in the AHL a lot but like for an undrafted defenseman he is good

He’s like 5’9” (more like 5’8 stop lying Nick) and runs around throwing hits on 6’3 or bigger guys

He’s my favorite little man and i want him back. He rounded out the Michigan group on Columbus too well.

Kevin Bahl: New Jersey➡️Calgary (trade)

Ik i say “im not a devils fan i just love him” about like half their team but like i swear its true

I need everyone to acknowledge the childhood friends to NHL teammates arc of him and the Hughes brothers and that is heartbreaking that it is no more

Also i understand it was an underpay for Markstrom but that will always happen for goalies (see Ullmark trade) so all the Devils fans acting like it was a good thing he was gone and not appreciating the time he put in there or the calgary fans mad they got him and hating him already made me wanna cry

Like GIVE HIM A CHANCE

also he just had a baby right before the trade and that means none of his NJD teammates get to see the baby and that will make me bawl (hehe bawl - bahl) like a baby no joke

John Marino: New Jersey➡️Utah (trade)

TOM FITZGERALD WHEN I GET YOU

This poor man who tends to look like a kicked puppy for no reason seemed so happy there

with Jack, Luke, Nico, Kevin, Curtis, Nate like cmon why would you do this to me

Will never cope with whatever the fuck was goin on with him and Luke honestly

WHY UTAH

Ryan McLeod: Edmonton➡️Buffalo (trade)

this was another one like the Kevin one where the fans pissed me off instantly

“the other guy was such a good prospect he was gonna develop more and play for buffalo”

i’m gonna hold your hand when i tell you that McLeod is 24 (almost 25) and 25 year olds can STILL DEVELOP TOO THIS SHIT SHOULD NOT BE NEWS HELLO???

also people who started using what his brother did as an excuse to not want him

while no one knows for sure, randomly assuming with no real reason that he had any knowledge of his brothers part in the 2018 Team Canada Scandal is so unfair honestly

and ALSO they separated him from his pookie (Bouchard) and his gay dads (Leon and Connor)

Not coping

Linus Ullmark: Boston➡️Ottawa (trade)

where do i even begin

no more hugs

no more feeding each other during post game interviews

no more eating cinnamon buns that Ullys wife made them together

no being Matt Poitras dads together

I ofc understand from the business side but it doesn’t make it hurt less

Jake Debrusk: Boston➡️Vancouver (free agency)

This one stung

we all knew it was coming but like

he’s been here his whole career

him and McAvoy were the ultimate duo

scored their first goals on the same night

if anyone saw Charlie McAvoys post about him and Grizz just know i cried for hours over that shit

Matt Grzelcyk: Boston➡️Pittsburgh (free agency)

another one that hurt a lot

once again see charlie mcavoys post

THE ONES OF THEM FROM COLLEGE TOGETHER

ENOUGH CHUCK

also no more amazing interviews with Mr Grzelcyk (Matt’s dad)

He worked in the Garden forever so Matt LITERALLY LEARNED TO SKATE THERE

HOMETOWN HERO AND A HALF

HEARTBROKEN

Anyways if i think of more im forgetting or something else happens before camp ill make another post but anyways

[hottestthingalive]

ok so i know i’ve been dorothy gale-posting late at night recently but for those unaware of the lore I need to explain to you why the wizard of oz series by L Frank Baum is in fact Gay TM and not just because all the characters are friends of dorothy.

so just about everyone knows the plot of the first book. the first book was huge. the first book is incredibly famous. the first book got a monumentally famous movie adaptation and inspired countless works after it including critically acclaimed plays, books, and songs/albums. but while the first book is great and features some fascinating little tidbits about nick chopper/the tin woodman and the scarecrow’s developing ‘friendship’, the second book is where it really starts getting good. because the marvelous land of oz has it all: single teenage fathers. the women of oz deciding to unionize. depressed furniture chimeras. the scarecrow talking about how he and nick chopper are Such Good Friends Such Great Friends and eventually deciding to move in with nick chopper permanently (and notably, the old cover features the two of them sitting across from each other like they’re the main characters, which they super aren’t, but good for them and their old man yuri anyways). Here’s an actual quote from the book about their relationship:

“Thank you,” replied Ozma. “Some day I may accept the invitation. But what is to become of the Scarecrow?”

“I shall return with my friend the Tin Woodman,” said the stuffed one, seriously. “We have decided never to be parted in the future.”

But lastly, and perhaps most famously, my favorite queer plot point from this book: the main character, who for the entire book has been Tip, The Boy, transitioning to become Ozma, The Fairy Queen Of Oz.

It’s slightly more complicated than I’m making it out to be—it’s a whole thing about Mombi having taken Ozma in as a baby and changing her into Tip so she can’t be princess anymore—but notably there’s two bits that really have made people hold up Ozma as a trans icon. The first is how Tip is like “um but I’ve never not been a boy” and Glinda basically says “that sucks. want to be a girl?” and they have a whole talk about it, wherein Tip is understandably nervous and Glinda explains that if he decides to turn into Ozma he can’t really go back (which in the context of the time reads more like an awakening thing a la the Matrix movies than the gender rigidity we might read it as today). and Tip turns to his friends and goes “well. Could be fun. let’s do it” and then takes a magic potion and wakes up as Ozma.

but what really matters to me specifically is the second bit: that when told that she is actually a girl, and when meeting her for the first time as Ozma, her friends are totally fucking chill with it. which is WILD, for a book published in 1904: but they all just basically go “huh! Good for you!” while also acknowledging a thing that I think goes under acknowledged in a lot of queer media: that the self pre and post transition are, in fact, Different. the book shows this in a quick conversation between Tip/Ozma and the rest of the cast, but specifically Jack Pumpkinhead:

“I hope none of you will care less for me than you did before. I’m just the same Tip, you know; only—only—”

“Only you’re different!” said the Pumpkinhead; and everyone thought it was the wisest speech he had ever made.

But the point is that her being different isn’t bad—in fact, it’s quite good, both for Ozma herself and Oz as a whole. She finds that she likes being a girl, that she’s more comfortable in her skin that way, and Oz benefits by having its princess returned and Jinjur ousted. Ozma’s ‘transition’ is never reacted to negatively by anyone but Tip (who is, as stated earlier, incredibly apprehensive and taken aback by the whole thing) or by figures like Jinjur, for political reasons.

This book, like all of the Oz books, of course is not perfect (Baum was likely a feminist, but his writing is full of the casual sexism typical of his time, and he notably said and wrote extraordinarily racist things, especially regarding his editorials on the death of Sitting Bull, the massacre at Wounded Knee, and the Lakota people as a whole), but it establishes a stronger queer undertone to the Oz books that continues through the rest of the series, and into pop culture today. Many modern adaptations play into these themes, such as the excellent, ongoing Yellow Brick Ramble comic by Daisy Finch McGuire (@/gastrophobia here on tumblr), which adapts the story through the lens of Ozma explicitly being a trans girl, as well as perhaps Oz’s most famous adaptation, Wicked, which in the book features a complicated but explicitly queer relationship between Glinda and Elphaba, and in the musical features perhaps one of the most queercoded songs in sapphic history.

Basically, this is a very long post to say that while many people know and acknowledge the relationship of the Wizard of Oz to queer history and art, I think it’s important we also acknowledge the following books in the series as being just as, if not more, queer than the first, and that the merits of fame do not mean that it has more value than what came after it. and also Ozma was a trans icon

[spicybylerpolls]

It is genuinely ASTONISHING to see how many people are against your blog because they believe “it’s bad/weird to fantasize” or they say stuff like, “analyzing is fine. fantasizing is evil.” Actually fantasization is a divine gift, a spiritual experience, one of the best things we can do as humans. And most clearly Bylers agree!

They spend all day fantasizing about Mike and Will holding hands, going on dates, kissing, even ‘making out sloppily’ but the second we on the spicy side say that we want Byler to fuck, people start freaking out. How dare you fantasize?

Stick to analysis, freak.

Can someone please tell me why sex is such a big weird scandalous taboo? Have we gone back in time? Is this an evangelical youth group? Is this Catholic school? Are we Mormons? To fight back, some say, “Oh I’m not fantasizing, I’m just exploring the character dynamics” as if fantasizing will implicate them as some kind of dirty rotten sinner, as if this is some kind of gotcha that will expose fandom nonces.

But I don’t get it. I’m doing both, unapologetically! I’m exploring Byler’s dynamics, just like we do with ever other HC and canon analysis point, AND I’m fantasizing about them fucking like rabbits until the end of time, just like we fantasize about how the Byler kiss will go or how Mike will finally admit his sexuality.

Last time I checked, sex is part of sexuality, it’s literally in the name, and it’s a Divine Gift. Mike and Will are not disembodied beings who only want to hold hands and look at flowers all day. They are gay teenage boys who are sexually ravenous for each other. It’s clear this era of Puriteens didn’t devour Reddie or Stenborough smut under the covers while giggling and kicking their feet. And none of them would have SURVIVED the Harry Potter fandom.

The other side of this are the adult fancops who are siding with the puriteens and constantly trying to cancel Bylers for thinking unholy thoughts. You can only think analytical thoughts while wearing suits and taking cold showers. Meanwhile 65% of the fandom is openly attracted to Finn, and I’m supposed to be gaslit into thinking this doesn’t translate into their experience actually watching the show? I’m supposed to believe they watched him drool over Will’s ass and then said, “No, he didn’t do that”?

“But why aren’t you fantasizing about adult ships like J0pper or JAncy or or or-”

Because I don’t care about them? No offense. I’ve never read J0pper or JAncy fanfic in my life. And this isn’t J0pper Tumblr? It’s Byler Tumblr. I’m a Byler and naturally I want to see my favorite characters rail each other romantically? And it’s very, dare I say, unnatural and unrealistic when you read fanfics and Mike and Will kiss each other and don’t so much as get a boner. One boner?

I’m so tired. It’s utter gobbledegook.

Especially giving the context of what Stranger Things and Byler represents, it’s so obvious that sexual exploration is the natural evolution for these characters in their arcs in Season 5. Self-actualization and an embrace of the queer experience in all its sensuality and beauty.

The shame WILL be on the other side.

yeah, all great points! I think people get overprotective and hyper-vigilant, and they want to make sure they're taking a strong stand against their nebulous, exaggerated, hypothetical image of the shadowy "30-year old creep" getting off to Byler smut in a dark room.

but you're right that all Bylers "fantasize" about many things, even those most vocal in the analyze-only movement. technically all of Byler is "fantasizing," since they aren't together yet and they are fictional. we're all just envisioning scenarios and situations!

for some reason tho, people are chill with people daydreaming about every romantic scenario imaginable and chill with people conjuring up sad, tragic, angsty situations involving Vecna and bullying and pain. but sex? no. sex is shocking, alarming, and frightening.

also, this is definition of fantasize:

there's nothing inherently creepy about that definition. It's neutral.

[ladykailitha]

Steve's Rewind

Just an idea I had stewing in my brain, buckle up this is going to get angsty as fuck. Thanks to my discord for helping me with some of the fiddlier details.

Here we go.

The Harrington family were once a clan a powerful magic users, though their bloodline is diluted now they barely have the smallest spark of it left in their blood. It allows them to use the device left to them by their ancestor. Althenea’s Life Spool, or the Spool most of the time.

It allows the user to go back and do over one event at the cost of one year of their life. In addition they remember the previous timeline. It is handed to the eldest child on their 16th birthday.

Usually only members of the Harrington clan remember previous timelines, but when Steve meets El, he finds out that the experiments done to her and the other children make it so she can see the previous timelines, too.

She commends him for the two times he’s used it so far.

The first time was on Nov. 12th, 1983. The night he went to Jonathan’s to apologize about the camera. The first time, he ran. Their screams ringing in his ears as he flees. Only now all the Byers family is dead, along with Nancy and the Mind Flayer breaks through to the surface world, screaming like a banshee.

He doesn’t know what will happen if he runs back into that house, but he knows at least he’ll have tried.

And while it doesn’t work out perfect, he’s pretty satisfied with the results.

On Oct. 31st, 1984 he thinks about using it again, but doesn’t. He doesn’t know what event started the relationship with Nancy to go south. So he leaves it be and silently deals with the broken heart.

On July 5th, 1985. Steve learns that El can see the previous timelines too and asks him to rewind so Hopper lives. Steve tells her about the cost and she turns pale. He asks her if she still wants that and she shakes her head. No. That would not be fair.

Then on Mar. 29th, 1986, she comes to him again. This time it’s all of Hawkins that swings in the balance and he agrees. He was just waiting for her to return so that they could plan out what needed to be changed.

So they hatch out a plan: Give everyone an extra twenty minutes to get into place. Towels in the vents of the trailer. Time for Hopper et al to kill the demogorgon, time for Jason and his cronies to find the Creel House, come up empty and leave, time for El to get into a better place to protect Max. Steve stocks up on flares and torches to bring as much heat as possible to the Vecna fight.

They win, Eddie and Max escape unharmed, Vecna and Upside Down falls. Everything is good for awhile.

Eddie and Steve start dating and they’re really happy. Until Steve arrives to their favorite gay bar a little late because of work and finds Eddie in a corner with another guy and just leaves.

When Eddie stumbles home that night Steve tears into him and threatens to break up with him.

Only Eddie starts crying.

Like full on sobs and the truth comes out, that guy had roofied Eddie and was assaulting him.

Now Steve is devastated and cleans Eddie up, putting him to bed. Then he calls El. Tells her he’s going to rewind the events of that night. And at first she argues against using the device for something so trivial especially one that didn’t end in someone’s death. If he wouldn’t do it for Hopper, what’s so different about this moment.

He reminds her that Hopper is alive, that his being in the Russian prison camp is part of the reason they were able to defeat Vecna and she concedes. Asks again why this is worth a year of his life and he explains that it’s not about his relationship with Eddie. They talked and Eddie already forgave him and said that he would have done the same thing. It might take a bit, but they’ll be fine.

No, the reason Steve wants to do this is because Eddie has suffered so much. Because none of the other Party members got introduced to this shit by watching a nice girl who had done nothing wrong, twisted and torn apart before their eyes.

That the witch hunt and getting off the murder charges had put a dent in Eddie’s confidence. This would destroy it entirely.

This is about a person who deserves a boyfriend who would give up everything for him to show him how loved he is, even at the cost of one year of his life.

El eventually agrees.

Steve goes to the back of the closet and pulls it out. But Eddie finds him, tells him he overheard him talking to El and he won’t let Steve do that. He’s not worth a year of his life.

Steve kisses him gently and explains what it is and what it’s done. Sometimes things work out for the better, sometimes they don’t. But always, always, always the change is worth it to the user. It’s why after nearly five hundred years the Spool has not been used up, because the string is finite, it will run out one day. But each person that has been gifted it knows the change is always worth it.

Once his father rewound cheating on his mother. The demogorgon that killed Barb, killed her instead and the world ended. He hated having to go back rewind that moment, but he knew the consequences of that moment needed an empty house that day.

Eddie sighs in relief. The moment can be rewound. So he puts his trust in Steve. That his boyfriend whose family has had this device for literal centuries knows the cost better than anyone, understands what hes’ doing.

Steve rewinds the moment and they are stronger together for it.

Steve will use it only use it one more time, when the birth of their daughter kills Robin who was their surrogate. They wait a year and everything turns out fine the second time.

Then on Julie Barbara Munson’s 16th birthday, her papa gives her his most precious item. A small spool of red thread.

[goddessofwisdom18]

your favorite character being largely disliked by both the stans and the antis is actually so devastating. where am i supposed to go

there are three main opinions about mor in this fandom:

1. she’s fine bc she’s feyre’s bestie but you don’t really care about her personally (probably bc she’s queer because the stan girlies used to LOVE mor when moriel was semi-canon. i remember. i was there)

2. she’s fine but annoying bc she ~lead azriel on~ (main opinion on the acotar subreddit). never mind that if this was true, it would be as a result of a retcon, because again, pre acowar, moriel was going to be canon. sarah made mor sapphic because we were asking for more lgbt characters. (again. i was there.) and besides, i frankly don't think it is true, because azriel is the fucking spymaster with a million chances of knowledge at his fingertips and mor spent 80% of her time at a gay bar so idk how he couldn't have fucking known?

3. or she’s the fucking worst because she was. idk. mean to nesta. you know who else was mean??? and people love that about her because it's a result of trauma, it makes her flawed and relatable? literally nesta T_T this is not anti nesta i just don’t get it.

4. she's the fucking worst because she… supposedly lied about eris? ?? i'm not even going to begin to unpack this. why y'all IMMEDIATELY take the man's side and think what he's saying is bible… i don't fucking know. learn to decenter men in your life my friend. sometimes women ARE telling the truth even if they're basic or pick mes or whatever.

mor’s traumatized as hell and definitely has as much to back up her occasional cattiness as nesta had to back up her literal life long bullying. but few people will give her a feminist reading. few people will analyze how sarah wrote her story or what that means. few people will even give her credit as a real villain. she’s just an annoying pick-me bitch and that’s the end of it.

think about the lack of grace rhysand gives nesta. think about what that might mean for mor, to whom rhys (and his friends) was a sort of savior, because her life in the hewn city was that bad that somehow dealing with rhysand is better. that was who she grew up with; that was what she was taught to see as good because at least it wasn’t keir.

not to mention that her life is shaped around her survival via her desirability to males. ESPECIALLY as a sapphic woman can you imagine what that would do to her psyche?

but no. no fan posts about her. no headcanons. nothing nada. just me and the mor week posts and the occasional obligatory stan reference bc she's part of the main cast.

i understand being annoyed bc of the double standard in canon between her and nesta's heavy drinking, but even then i see posts all the time about "i would love rhys if it weren't for the narrative's worship of him!" and none for mor because she's just a ghost. she's nothing to anybody. despite being A MAIN CHARACTER!

not to mention but like. generally positioning yourself perpetually in opposition to the paradigm rather than just having values whether they're popular or not is not a great way to go about things. i completely understand liking eris regardless of what he's done - i am a tamlin stan despite the fact that he was very well abusive in acomaf - but the fact that there are antis out there who are so convinced mor is lying, or who want sarah to write that storyline, is so digusting to me. women in groups you don't like, political sides you don't like, women you think are annoying - they still deserved to be believed. don't give into respectability politics. come on now.

[icharchivist]

I don't know Azuma but he looks both dangerous and highly kissable

oh you have no idea.

he's one of the most guys of all time.

He's voiced by Tetsuya Kakihara, who also voices Elmott in gbf.

He's part of one of my favorite song of the game, where he has a gay duet about vampire yearning with Tasuku (voiced by Takuya Sato, of Lu Woh's fame on here). And who wouldn't want a gay vampire duet with those two.

For the "fun" fact about him, Azuma is a cuddle therapist. It means that he sleeps with people to listen to their woes. He says the job is fully innocent, while he's also treated like a pariah for being into a shady branch of jobs. This job also gives him a lot of connection and we're basically sure he has at least some clients who dip into illegal stuff because he can pull some strings to have a false ID made for example. Despite his job being "wholesome" he also talks a lot about having sex with people and trying all sort of things so there's that too.

But the reality of Azuma is that he's actually extremely closed off. His family died when he was really young and none of his relative wanted to take him in, so he basically wrote himself down as fully alone and unable to connect with people. Still, he craves for human connections, and it's why he picked his job. He can't personally be vulnerable about himself, but he's here to listen to anyone and help them going through their problems. He also have night terrors when he sleeps alone, which is another reason he picked up this job.

he dropped everything to become an actor in our company after seeing two members of the Autumn Troupe fight for each other, and realize he was kinda jealous of them, of being able to connect with others, to trust others while vulnerable.

He joined the Winter troupe afterward, troupe famous for struggling to connect with one another because they all have raised their walls super high. Azuma himself struggles to fit in, as everytime he feels like he's getting too close he worries of what he might lose and he ends up shutting himself down, ghosting people, thinking about leaving.

But he's fine. This is fine. The Winter Troupe has his back.

Anyway the whole "therapist so he can read you like an open book, giving the illusion of intimacy to others because he's damn touch starved, will be the type to throw sex and flirty jokes at you to distract you from seeing him as vulnerable, while also in mourning" means that in my perfect gbf x a3 collab event that will happen one day i want him and Belial to meet. They'll drive psych warfare on each other and/or have sex and i need to see it for reasons.

As for dangerous part this is my favorite bit about it. Sakyo in this scene is a Yakuza btw and they're playing a Yakuza themed boardgame:

He's one of the most guy of all time. Thank you for your time.

[variousqueerthings]

8 11 32 PLEASE!

HELLOOOOO AND THANK YOUUUUUU! also I remembered how much I overthink when looking at these whoops

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender: You know the opening to the Mr Bean series? Mr Bean gets beamed down onto earth and then it's implied that everyone Mr Bean does after that is literally because of being an alien, but it's never actually confirmed in the text? that but like. with a much more extensive wardrobe

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???? I'm gonna give u three out of Many that are perfect. and I'm going to connect them to a Theme (I'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS). the thing is that these movies are movies that have at some point held me gently and guided me into a greater understanding of the queer community and history generally, as well as my own feeling of place within this community

My Beautiful Laundrette: This is one of my personal seminal queer movies, I watched it as a young'un/baby queer and it's just. Oh. such softness amidst the violence of the times, and the thing is that the softness is something that saves the main characters from the violence, both as potential perpetrators and victims (and how those can be blurred concepts to begin with). the core of it is two men who come back together amidst the height of neo-nazi anti-immigration 80s England, one of whom is Pakistani British and the other a white skinhead. And they open a laundrette together. This movie is sweet, I promise! it also features one of the subtly hottest moments to me in film history, in which one of them licks the others' neck in public while being watched on one side by Pakistani family members and on the other by white racists but it's angled so none of them see it!

City of Lost Souls: Listen, Rosa Von Praunheim's documentation of trans people (and generally queer people) is so so important for our community and you should check him out, but this film in particular is such a wild fucking ride that is hard to explain. a bunch of queer artists in 80s Berlin (and this movie was made in the 80s so you get some real footage of that great big wall) just like... fuck around? share intense elder wisdom? connect? sing! (oh yeah, it's kind of a musical, a trashy punky musical). This is some of the real deep magic of queer connection. there's an iconic moment in this film (there are several) in which a trans woman picks up a one-night stand and explains to him that she's trans and he's like. "eh no idea what all of that means, but you're saying you're a woman right? great!" and it's just Fine

Desire Lines: listen this movie... I'm almost hesitant to recommend it, because I feel so personally affected by it and it's a one-of-a-kind (so far) insight into transmasculine gay culture that is just. deeply precious and not understood by a lot of even the wider queer community. myself and every transmasc person I know who's seen it have felt somewhat transcendent about it, the way you do the first time you see yourself as (positively) visible in this way, it's almost too much. it's a documentary at heart, but quite experimental in elements of its structure, with parts of it being a fictional telling of a middle-aged iranian trans man who works in an archive and is told of the history of trans men's inclusion in gay bathhouses, lou sullivan, and personal testimonies from gay transmasc people. sometimes you don't notice how deprived you've been until something gives you real oxygen

Hon. mentions: Joyland, Great Freedom, Die Beautiful my personal favourite queer films of 2023, still have me by the throat!!!

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done: okay I will share a picture of something, but I need to go take a picture when I have a sec. It's not complete, but I've started a little zine that's just a big collection of euphemisms and ways of talking about queerness and it's such a fascinating, fun project that's made me think more expansively about how queerness gets talked about, whether it's in the past or present (or potential futures), within and without the community, as modern, or bigoted, or outdated, or fun, or out-of-the-box, or specific, etc. -- it's very far from done, but I can give a sense of just how many words/phrases/concepts I've picked up + imagery I want to include + the construction of the zine itself, which has a few little secrets to it

[madsworld15]

New Fic Alert: lifeline of a promise in a shot glass (Brian/Justin AU)

PART ONE of MANY

Synopsis: What if Justin never met Brian when he was 17, and because of this, his father convinces him to go to Dartmouth and follow a business path? Years later, Justin is 25 and works alongside Ted, who was his mentor as he studied for his CPA the year before, and lives a life of limited socialization due to crippling grief and anxiety caused by the death of his close friend 3 years prior. What happens when Ted pushes him into interacting with the family?

Justin sat at his desk, ignoring the client files he was supposed to be working on. Instead, he fiddled with the personal check in his left hand. It was from his father, part of the reason he had driven the five hours to Philly over the weekend. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts about that visit that he didn’t realize that Ted Schmidt had approached his cubicle until the older man cleared his throat.

“If that’s a check from a client I can show you how to input it.” Ted smiled and jokingly tapped Justin’s arm with his fist.

“No, more like blood money.” Justin sighed, shoved the check into his desk drawer, and turned to give Ted his full attention.

“I feel there’s a story there.” Ted raised his eyebrow.

“More like a tragedy that could rival even the most beautiful of arias.” Justin licked his lips and quickly changed the subject, “You need something?”

“Well, it’s Wednesday, this week has sucked. I thought you’d want to go out with me and my friends to a club downtown.” Ted shrugged.

“Isn’t it a bit sad to show up with a young kid? What will your friends even think?” Justin loved to tease Ted considering the man was 13 years his senior. 

“Honestly?” Ted rubbed his hand over his mouth, “Brian and Emmett will be shocked that I am allowed out in public with a guy as hot as you. And Michael, well if he or his husband show up they’re likely to be supportive of welcoming someone new to the fold.”

Justin glanced at the clock, saw it was 5:45 pm, shut down his computer and stood up. He grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair and smirked at Ted before chuckling.

“Also, I’ll have you know, Emmett is only 32, not much older than you. And Brian, Michael and Ben are all 35.” Ted followed Justin to the garage where they parked their cars.

“I still don’t understand why you hang out with me outside of work. I’m a first year and you are practically my boss.” Justin added, fishing his car keys out from his pocket.

“None of my lifelong friends like anything artistic. They think the epitome of human expression happens on the dancefloor at Babylon.” Ted rolled his eyes. “At least with you I don’t have to go to museums or art openings or the opera by myself.”

“Wow. Schmidt. I’m touched. Really, I am. It’s not sad at all that at nearly 40 you rely upon me, a gay man in his mid-20s to keep you alive.” Justin pressed his hand to his chest and gave Ted his best emotional simper.

Ted simply rolled his eyes and responded, “So, Babylon, 9 o’clock?” 

Justin shrugged. “Maybe.” But he knew in his heart he wouldn’t be taking Ted up on his offer. Today was a rough one and he didn’t want his first impression to be that of a morose dickhead.

“If you decide not to, please at least give me a call?” Ted put his hand on Justin’s shoulder and fixed him with a knowing and understanding gaze.

Justin nodded, climbed into his car, and drove off without another word. He went straight to his apartment complex to park his car and drop off his work things. But, he didn’t stick around long before he went out to his favorite bar, Woody’s for a few drinks. Justin wanted nothing more than to forget about today. 

He was two shots of whiskey deep when he felt the presence of someone else next to him. Justin sucked in his lip, sighed, and looked at who had joined him at the bar. The man next to him was older, elegant, and sex on legs. His brown hair was styled in a way that said he cared but wanted the world to think he didn’t give two shits. There was something so alluring about him that Justin couldn’t quite put his finger on and with his current mental state, didn’t have the patience to work out.

“Another,” Justin motioned to the bartender, slurring his words just slightly.

The gorgeous man next to him reached across the bar and grabbed the bartender’s arm. “Jake, don’t pour the kid anymore.” 

“Fuck you. I’m an adult. I can have as many drinks as I want.” Justin was annoyed that this stranger would step in his business like that.

“Fine, suit yourself, but your current petulance tells me otherwise.” The brunette smirked, downed his shot, and then turned his back to the counter and leaned back to troll his eyes across the sea of men in the room at large.

“Besides, I’m not your goddamn mother. I just thought I’d do you a favor. Go home. Sleep off whatever you’re trying to drown away. Trust me, no one likes a sloppy drunk.” And just like that the gorgeous man was gone, stalking after a buff man at the pool tables who had curly black locks and fuck-me eyes.

Justin threw some cash down on the bar and stumbled out of Woody’s. He didn’t want to admit the man had been right, so instead, he stewed in indignation at the nerve of a complete stranger telling the bartender to cut him off. His stewing took him all the way back to his apartment. With a sigh and some fumbling, he managed to unlock his door and step inside.

Justin threw his keys in the dish on his kitchen counter, saw his answering machine was flashing a red 3, and pushed the button to let them play. He crossed to his refrigerator to grab a bottle of water before he stumbled to his couch and plopped down.

Hey Justin. I know today is hard. I’m getting worried about you. You haven’t called me to meet up for coffee in a long time. David and I would love to have you over for dinner sometime. We have big news. Love you. Call me back. Please.

Justin felt the tears prick the back of his eyes as his best friend’s voice rang out over his one bedroom apartment. Daphne meant well, but she didn’t know Jason. How could she possibly understand?

The same way she has been there for you the last 3 years. A voice in his head replied unprompted.

The next message played, and from the first seconds, Justin knew it was Jason’s mom.

Hey, Jus. I went by to see Jason today and saw that you’d recently been there and left some flowers. It warmed my heart to know his closest friend still thinks about him. I wish you’d come by to see us. We miss you dearly. Well you take care. Congratulations on earning your CPA.

The floodgates let loose at Jason’s mom’s words. He’d known her since he was 16 and met Jason at a High School Business competition. She’d always been kind and treated Justin as one of her own. And when Jason died she never blamed him, though Justin sure did.

Justin, baby. Please call me. I don’t want you alone today. 

Instead of getting up to get his phone and at least call his mom back, Justin pulled his legs up onto the couch and curled against himself to cry. It had been three years. Three years since he’d woken up in the hospital only to find out his best friend was dead. Three years of feeling responsible. Three years of drunken nights and zombie days, just going through the motions to prove he was still alive. But was he really?

In the year after Jason’s death, Justin struggled to put his life back together. He couldn’t go from graduating straight into his internship and then CPA exam. No, he had to take a gap year to relearn so much of who he was in order to be the man he was today. His mother would argue that he was doing beyond great and that he was “good as new,” but what she didn’t know and Justin has yet to tell her, Justin was simply a shell.

Jason had been the love of Justin’s life and he couldn’t even talk about it. Daphne knew he was gay, but no one else around him did, besides Ted. It allowed him to put up a wall between himself and his family, but also his coworkers. If he didn’t tell people anything deeper than what appeared on the surface he couldn’t get hurt.

~ BREAK ~

Two days later, Justin was back to staring at the check from his father. Now that he was a CPA he hardly needed financial support from his estranged father, but Justin couldn’t bring himself to fully cut himself off from the man. He was hardly what one would call father of the year, but Justin didn’t have the courage to stand up to the man.

With it being Friday, Justin was one day closer to another day of keeping to himself and ignoring the world around him. He just needed to get through the day, and avoid Ted at all costs, like he had the day before. And then he was scot free for the whole weekend, unless Daphne decided to be her usual pushy self and show up at his door.

“Glad to see you are still alive.” Ted greeted him with a crooked grin. “After you didn’t come out on Wednesday and didn’t call me I figured something terrible must’ve happened.”

“Sorry, I went home on Wednesday and fell asleep. Then when I woke up it was almost 9 and I didn’t feel like going out.” Justin refused to look at his friend and boss. 

“And yesterday?” Ted wasn’t going to let things go. It frustrated Justin to no end, he much preferred Daphne who knew when to push and when to let things drop.

“Jesus, Ted! What are you my mom?” Justin suddenly let his frustration bubble to the surface, “I don’t always want to be around people.”

Ted smiled and then backed off from his questioning. “I completely get that. That’s what makes accounting so great. You can completely shut yourself off from the world.”

Justin continued working on the file at hand. He would rather focus on numbers than the turmoil rolling around in his brain. So, when Ted offered an out for the evening Justin took it.

“Tonight there’s an art opening at my friend Lindsay Peterson-Marcus’ gallery, the Sidney Bloom Gallery. I wondered if you might want to go with me?”

Justin didn’t even think, all frustration at Ted forgotten, “Yes. That would be great. I can’t believe you know the curator at the Sidney Bloom Gallery. It’s been an obsession of mine since I was a kid.”

“I met Lindsay through my friend Brian, but honestly aside from you she’s the only person I know who appreciates the arts.” Ted shrugged and then handed Justin a ticket for the night’s events. “Just meet me out front at 8 o’clock.”

“Will do.” Justin finally looked at the older man and gave him a fake smile. His heart wasn’t really in it to be a functioning member of society right now. 

The anniversary of Jason took more out of him this year than he expected and knew that he probably should just go home and work through those emotions. But, the nagging voice in the back of his mind reminded him that getting out and doing typical activities he enjoyed would help him move forward faster. Not for the first time in the last few years, Justin wondered if he would ever be able to go out with friends and fully be himself, let loose, and enjoy. He wondered if he would ever fall in love again without losing his breath and panicking that Jason would be mad.

So, by 8 o’clock Justin was just parking his car up the block from Sidney Bloom Gallery. He bit his bottom lip as he walked back toward where he was to meet Ted. Going into a big group of strangers like this gave him some anxiety, but not nearly as much as it did a few years ago. As much as he liked to bemoan to his mom about therapy, it was actually helping him.

“Hey.” Justin gave a half wave and then tucked his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders upward. 

“Glad you could make it. I hate showing up to these things alone. Brian teases me mercilessly for it.” Ted smiled and nodded his head for Justin to follow him.

“God the way you talk, Brian must be the biggest dick known to man.” Justin smirked, already feeling grateful to be out with a friend.

“More like he thinks he’s God’s gift to Gay PA.” Ted laughed. 

Once they were inside, Justin felt his grief, anxiety, and worry all float away. He truly loved being immersed in a world of art and the freedom of expression. At times his heart itched to draw and paint, but he hadn’t done either since high school. Ted handed him a flute of champagne, which Justin simply held as he looked around deciding where to start.

“Teddy!” A blonde woman came rushing over. She was gorgeous and wore a maroon sweater and tan slacks that really extenuated her figure.

“Lindsay!” Ted gave the woman a brief hug before throwing his arm out toward Justin beckoning him forward. “This is Justin. I was his mentor all last year as he prepared for his CPA.”

Just then the gorgeous man from the bar a few nights ago sauntered up and wrapped his arm around Lindsay’s shoulder and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Not another boring stiff. Seriously, Theodore? Must you? I do believe one of you in the boring gays society is enough.”

Ted sighed and opened his mouth to respond, but Justin beat him to it.

He gave his best smile and replied, “Ah you must be Brian Kinney. I’ve heard so much about you. And I must say, you live up to every word.”

“Welcome, Justin. So glad to have someone else in the group who has Brian’s number.” Lindsay chuckled and held out her hand to shake Justin’s.

“Theodore,” Brian immediately turned toward Ted, “What exactly have you been telling this…kid?” Brian looked Justin up and down with a smirk.

Justin wanted so desperately to correct this man on his classification of “kid”, but his anxiety was starting to rise and so he swallowed the champagne in his hand in one go and casually walked away. He knew, from experience, that Ted wouldn’t judge him for this. Instead, the older man would allow Justin to have his space and then check in with him later on down the road. It’s how they always handled social outings together. 

Justin didn’t actively seek public occasions with many people because the accident had caused brain damage that made reading people really hard for Justin. Therefore, his anxiety went into hyperdrive when presented with multiple faces and phrases all at once. He stuck to simple one-on-one conversations, whenever possible, and only pushed that boundary while in therapy.

“You know, when you first showed up with Theodore I thought, there is no way someone as hot as that is willingly hanging out with someone as boring and bland as him. Then, you freaked out over a simple conversation and I understood.” Brian’s voice brought Justin out of his thoughts, and he realized he’d been standing in front of Pollack styled painting for far too long.

Instead of responding to Brian, Justin moved on to the next section of artwork and acted as though the brunette wasn’t there.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what I now understand?” Brian followed him, demanding to be noticed and heard.

“I don’t particularly care. I don’t know you. Therefore your opinion of me or Ted has little bearance on my life.” Justin replied nonchalantly and without tearing his eyes from the colorful art before him.

“Wow, you use big words. Let me guess, Pittsburgh Community College,” Brian continued to goad Justin into giving him his full attention.

Justin rolled his eyes, “Dartmouth. And judging by your pompous, holier than thou attitude I would say you went to some pretentious business school such as Carnegie Mellon or Penn.”

“Oooo an Ivy Leaguer!” Brian grinned as he stepped between Justin and the art, forcing Justin to make eye contact. “What makes you think I didn’t also attend such prestige as that? Why does it have to be local?”

Justin cocked his head and smirked. “It really bothers you doesn’t it?” And then he walked off toward another area of the gallery.

Brian continued to follow him. “What bothers me?”

Justin ignored him and instead turned to discuss the painting on display with none other than Lindsay Peterson-Marcus herself. He found her knowledge and passion for art comforting. She really did love the work she was doing, and Justin found that refreshing.

“Are you an artist, Justin?” Lindsay asked, looking past Justin to smirk at Brian. Justin could feel the man's glare on his neck.

“I used to be. I haven’t picked up a brush since high school.” Justin shrugged and tucked in his lips to smile, knowing that by ignoring Brian it was eating the man alive.

“What bothers me?” Brian asked again, cutting off Lindsay’s reply.

Lindsay gave Brian a searing look and continued, “We never stop being artists. No matter how much time has passed. If you want to paint, who’s stopping you.” 

Justin thought about her words as she squeezed his shoulder and moved on to the next patron. He bit the left corner of his bottom lip and continued to contemplate the artist’s work before him. The mix of blues, purples, and grays made him think of the swirling grief that lived within him, always pulling him just below the surface.

“It bothers you that I don’t give a fuck about you,” Justin replied to Brian, who was still standing there waiting for him. Then he deposited his empty flute on the tray of a passing wait staff and walked out of the gallery into the night.

~~

Tagging my discord pals so they can read! @winderlylandchime @lostcol and @maryp50