#God just fucking kill me already
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god i hate my life
#i hate school#i hate working#i hate waking up in the morning#i hate talking to people#i hate not taking to people#i hate being so damn lonely#i hate feeling like I'm gonna die alone#i hate that i haven't already died alone#i hate taking my pills#but this is what i get when i don't#the problem is it's not much better when i do#so why bother#God just fucking kill me already#we all know I'm not gonna be a great archivist#I'm not a great student#I'm not even a good writer which is the only thing I'm vaguely passionate about#I'm never gonna get published and I'm gonna hate anything else i do with my life#so why keep up the charade?#just put me out of my fucking misery
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Palestinian freedom fighters breaking out of Gaza and reclaiming their occupied territories. They’ve taken over israeli tanks and have chased out the settlers that were on that land. They’ve launched rockets everywhere and the iron dome has failed to intercept. This is about to mark a momentous event in history.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
#free palestine#it feels so surreal and so shocking#there’s so much hope but so much fear#you just know they’re about to retaliate with the genocide they’ve been planning for years now#i fear for my palestinian brothers and sisters but this is so fucking huge#they tore down part of the barbed wire fence!!!! the people of Gaza are breaking out!!!!#god there’s so much more on twitter but i beg if you look do NOT look at non-palestinian sources#they’re twisting the narrative as if this isn’t retaliation for 76 years of torture#as if the israeli forces and settlers didn’t kill 4 palestinians yesterday alone#as if they haven’t killed nearly 300 palestinians this year alone#do NOT let the media trick you into thinking anything after will be a retaliation to an attack Palestine started#PALESTINE is the one retaliating#also if you’re gonna come in here with both sides or whatever sincerely block me and lmk so i can blokc you#they’ve already out out statements to leave children and the elderly alone so any middle aged fuckers are free to kill :)#which is fine since they’ve likely killed hundreds if not thousands of their friends and family and neighbors anyway#tag: important#fuck israel#gaza#tag: october 7 2023
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THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)
#THE SUCKENING IS S O COOOOL GUYS VIV N VEX ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND FUNNY... CHARLIES FLAVOR OF DERANGED IS JUST#SO PERFECT FOR THIS CAMPAIGN.. I LOVE HOW HE DOES HORROR AND EVIL AND SCARY AND AAUAUUUGHGHGUUHGHG#their teeht arnt spiked like normal vampires but theyre sharp n smooth like a Beak. in my beautiful heart#ALSO UGHGHGH BIG SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 BUT#THAT THING WITH THE MAP. WITH THE DEMONS N VAMPS. THEYRE KEEPING TRACK OF THEM.#'so viv. was that one of mine or one of yours?' IS THIS A PET PROJECT OF THEIRS OR SOMETHING. ARE THEY PULLING MORE STRINGS THAN WE THINK#IS ONE TUGGING AT THE DEMONS AND THE OTHER TUGGING AT THE FANGS? PITTING THEM AGAINST EACHOTHER SO THEY KILL EACHOTHER?#AND THEN ITS EASIER TO TAKE THE BODIES FOR THEIR FUNNY CREATIONS?? IT PROLLY WASNT EASY TO GET SUPPLIES B4 EDWARD CAME INTO POWER#BUT OH MY GOD.. POOR EMIZEL.. THE MEMORY OF HIS CREW WAS TAKEN AND THEN HE WATCHES A BUNCHA THEM GET HORRIBLY DISMATNLED N DISTORTED#HE KNOWS HE CARED FOR THEM AT SOMEPOINT N HE KNOWS THE MEMORIES WERE TAKEN BUT HE JUST. CANT. AUAUUGGUAHGUAHGUAHGUHG#THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HIMMM EMIZEEEELL EMIZEL CMERE BABY BOY ILL SMOKE U OUT BOY. GET AWAY FROM THOSE EVIL GUYS I AM BETTER N CAN BE TRUSTE#viv n vex are so cool...theyre fuckin CRAAZYY N SCARYYY BUT ALSO. SO FUNNY... I LOVE A PUNNY JACKASS... 'LOOKS LIKE YOUVE BEEN: DISARMED!'#'IVE MADE THAT JOKE 6 TIMES AND ITS STILL FUNNY EVERYTIME' i gotta draw more of their bullshit...#im already doodling up the 'YOU CAN CALL ME MOMMY!!' bit. i gotta draw more o the monstors n the horrors too... especially emizels sire UGH#I LOVE VILLIAINS THAT ARE SO GENUINELY SCARY BUT SO FUNNY... charlie just does evil ppl like no one else idk what it ISSSS#okayokayoka y im normal im. relistening to the ep n im at the edward part. oh my god. i actually love him. he actually makes my skin crawl#IM DONEthats my rambles for tha day. back into my hole i go. also i have comms open. cmere pspspss i need moneyyy heyyyy cmereeeee#check out my main artblog. GO!!!
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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on my second playthrough of in stars and time that i just started. i swore i saw something during the loop >> tutorial. and it was nagging at me that i wasnt sure if i actually saw it or not. so. i started ANOTHER save file jjust for the sake of recording that interaction and.
SIGH. AUGH. AUGH. AUGH. THANKS. IM DYING
#tide of consciousness#isat#isat spoilers#probably everyone knew this already and saw it already but im insane. im insane. fuck#loop. i love you. youre killing me. oh my god#i cant believe thats RIGHT THERE#its optional too it doesnt show up i think theres like a random selection of messages that show up when you >> in this moment#i had to exit and restart twice before i got this ghjfjhg#yeah i dunno its been nearly a year probably everyone's seen this already im just obsessed#head in hands. loop
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playing my game with my friend
#freedyn#<- my new tag for me playing halflife#that first barney. um. i accidentally killed.#I DIDNT MEAN TO. I FEEL SO BAD#HE WAS ALREADY HURT AND I TURNED AROUND TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM AND MISCLICKED AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH#i fell out of my chair to my knees i felt so fucking bad. oh my god#i SHOULDVE LEFT HIM AT HIS LITTLE POST ohh my gpd. im gonna hurl.#the other barney was just an actual madman he took out all the vorts in office complex by himself unprompted it was kind of scary#he jjust ran past me and started shootin and was like :D did you see that shot!#trailing behind him like yeah babe i did that was so cool. are you feeling okay#HE WAS BEING SCARY he was so brave and charming but jesus christ#*i* didnt have to kill them but. woah#transmission#VIDEO GAMES ARE FUN#half life#barney calhoun
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"Have fun you guys!" Actually goes CRAAZYYY when you spawn a wither rIGHT ON TOP OF YOUR ENEMIES--
#clownpierce never fucking change#babygirl do be MASSACRING 100 players AND will get a FAT stack of $$$ by the end#DAMN i WISH#like.#i WISH that was me (the one getting that paycheck btw. not necessarily the one getting obliterated by clown)#like i wouldn't MIND to get obliterated by clown but uh. no#i'd be out like. FIRST if i was there#kinda embarrassing ngl#anyway#get ready for Djevel's Descent Into Madness™ — ClownPierce Edition!#fuck it. murderous babygirl gets his own Descent Into Madness™ tag#he deserves it#he has me rotating his character in my head CONSTANTLY#he has me in a chokehold#clownpierce#it's the Can I Beat 100 Players For $10000? video btw#karl's horrified/awed “OH MY GOD” “CLOWN I WAS JUST TALKING TO THIS GROUP” and “HOW MANY OF THEM HAVE YOU ALREADY TAKEN OUT?” is everything#-for me#also his nervous “how'd that strategy work??” when clown admits to ALREADY having killed 2 from the team#didn't know i needed karl and clown interacting. i'm glad this video has opened my eyes to the beauty that is karl and clown interacting#minecraft
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Gonna christen this account with a doorkeay colored sketch from Twitter (yeah its magnet bc I'm fucking cringe and a vocaloid nerd shhh)
I just love the idea of gerry calling michael those cheesy nicknames like "sunshine" "pretty boy" "blondie" "curls"
#michael shelley#gerry keay#doorkeay#gerrymichael#the magnus archives#lgbtqia#tma#tmagp#magnet#vocaloid#doorkeay grabbed by the neck and WRINGED IT#im actually obsessed with these blorbos#i think they should kiss#oh and theyre t4t i make all the rules here#michael distortion#just the spiral and his little bookburner#god im insane about them FUCK ME#this means im gonna end up wiritng 59 fics#ive already written one and started one long fic. kill me.
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Hello, Dean
#THIS. THIS ACTUALLY TOOK ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE PLEASE WATCH THIS#I migh or might not have also edited a bit the ending because fuck my life I can't see that tiktok-cut scene it just kills me. also fuck all#that yellow#i have mo regrets but please watch it#i tried my best it's now 4 am i have again. been possesed by the Destiel of November 5th#basically. basically 4 years ago i figured out that castiel always says Hello Dean#and . and just Once. Just once Goodbye Dean#honestly. i wish i could. eat god#anyway. i jave yes indeed edited the ending too because OT WAS ALREADY TWO AM WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DOEN??? STOPPED THEREEEE??? WHAT FOR????#so yeha. whatever fuck me fuck you fuck the cw and fuck everything we deserved at least a GOO d edited ending.#at least that#fuck fuck fuck#no but really you know#i understand everything and it's okay#but at least if you have to spit on my face one last time. at least make it count. make it worth it. make me FEEL LIKE YOU CARED#we deserved better. at least a good editing. at least that#but yeah happy nov 5h#nov 5th#nov 5 2024#spn#supernatural#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#:(#the internet is so lucky I'm not unemployed anymore. so. lucky#also it's so sad that Cas doesn't say Hello dean after season 11(12 if u wanna be precise) and all the others are just fake cas trying to#trick dean :((( i miss you cas i miss youuu
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Listened to second episode of the silt verse and oh so they are both fucking insane!!!
#empty thoughts#the silt verses#brother faulkner#sister carpenter#A family can be two murderous members of the same cult who fucking hate each other#God I am struggling to not just look up stuff about it. Like I don't want to be spoilt (more than i already am) but also#I want to know 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i am not patient#Wait has Carpenter killed anyone? I know her Nana and Em did but has Carpenter herself killed people?#No spoilers I am only on chapter 2#Also it's so interesting to me how Em is kinda similar to Faulkner in how they both hide their intents and nature#And the fact that Faulkner pulling that shit was foreshadowed through Abel!!! Fucking Abel!!!!!!!!!#And the entire thing with sainthood seems genuinely so interesting as with the gods and all
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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Daan gives me this specific vibe I see so much in series where deities like, indisputable exist in that world. Where like, he wishes he could be an atheist. I feel like if so many gods didn’t all collectively decide to fuck up this one guys life in every way possible he’d love to completely ignore their existence.
#it’s also funny how he calls himself a doctor but at a point dudes just doing healing magic#I wish the old gods like understood human language n stuff just so Daan can cuss them out#f&h#f&h daan#f&h2#f&h termina#fear and hunger#fear and hunger 2#fear and hunger termina#fear and hunger Daan#funger#funger 2#funger daan#Daan von Dutch#I can just imagine Sylvian walking into the hypothetical room being like Ok two of my devotees had this bitch ass kid I already traumatized-#-him whos next? Sulfur god be like Oh Me Me I wanna kill the two most important people in his life! Then Rehr got jealous and decided to-#- fuck up even his personal identity too#they’re way to obsessed with ruining his life tbh
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this is me ranting about season's of blossom/hamin's flower, so TW SUICIDE, but anyways i don't know what's worse:
->hamin sacrificing his freedom so that jaemin could live freely, yet that freedom making jaemin feel like he's suffocating years down the line
-> somang's speech on how it's because of everyone that hamin killed himself, yet how it's none of their faults, especially not hamin's own
-> them using the phrase "disappeared from this world" to describe his suicide, not outright saying he killed himself
-> the theme of radiance. hamin feeling like somang was the radiant one and he was drenched in darkness, thus trying to distance himself from her. yet somang describing the summer with hamin her most radiant time, only because of his presence in her life, because he shined the brightest to her
-> jaemin who loved the rain because good things always happen to him then just for hamin to kill himself on a day where it rained non-stop. hamin who hated the rain but learnt to love it compared to jaemin who loved it but now dislikes it
-> hamin's suicide indirectly preventing gaeul's and dongchae's attempts. somang being unknowingly destined to lose a loved one either way
-> jaemin's parents not knowing how to handle hamin's suicide, his mother depending on him to be happy and his father being distant and too lax on everything. driving him further into his own abyss. hamin having sacrificed his happiness and acting too grown up for his age to protect jaemin from their parents strictness. jaemin ending up doing the same for his mother, faking a smile and comforting her about the pain of hamin's suicide
-> hamin not having heard the latter part of jaemin telling seonhui that while he resents hamin a little, he still loves hamin most of all. hamin having died thinking jaemin hates him, somang's last words to him calling him a coward
-> jaemin being lowkey passively suicidal and even trying a form of self-harm to understand hamin and deal with the pain of losing hamin
-> the fact that we start hamin's story already knowing how it ends
#seasons of blossom#im thinking of seasons of blossom again and its fucking with me so hard#hamins flower was so perfectly well written that it always makes me cry#it's these thousands of things#the tragedy of it all and that you know what's gonna happen#we already know he'll kill himself but we can't stop ourselves from begging it to be different anyways#the fact that we get both somangs and hamins past and somangs and jaemins present#hamin haunts the narrative and i love that the story is not just about his pain but also about the pain of those he left behind#without making it seem like hamin wasn't hurting the most#god i love them so much#fuck#fun fact seasons of blossom's initials spell sob#WHICH IS WHAT IM DOING RIGHT NOW#HAMINNN😭#hamins flower#seasons of blossom hamin#tw sui implied#tw suicide#tw selfharm#tw selfharm mention#tw suicide mention
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God what if I wrote a short fic about Lunar and Eclipse and toxic codependency because I've been going insane all night and I feel an urgent need to explore just how fucking reliant they were on each other to the point that even after Eclipse killed Lunar in canon he still felt like he needed Eclipse like
God that's so tragic and fucked up what if I wrote about that
(They remind me so much of Sun and Moon)
#tsams#alex talks#There's so much that could have happened behind the scenes#what if they had been so reliant on each other for support#I always found it weird that Eclipse specifically targeted Lunar to kill him#Not sun#not moon#not anyone trying to kill him#but Lunar#Lunar as in the person he made to help him to be his little brother because he was so used to being Moon that he needed his own kind of Sun#Lunar who never hurt Eclipse like sun or moon did#But the fact that he *left* threw Eclipse into a jealous fit of betrayal and revenge for the slight and it just#makes you wonder just how dependent Eclipse was on Lunar#Especially since we already know how dependent Lunar was on Eclipse#It reminds me of that line#“Moon's will go insane without their Suns”#and this is like meant to be regardless of what kind of relationship the sun and moon have#and eclipse and lunar are supposed to be an inverted sun and moon#And so that begs the question did Eclipse go insane when he lost Lunar?#GOD I JUST#I need to fucking tear them apart in speculative fanfiction#I love this kind of psychological bullshit
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i need to mutter into the void so i’m going to post under the cut the trials and tribs of my current clegan fic writing experience so no one including (especially) me has to make eye contact with it. it’s basically a diary entry. god bless anyone that reads it lol. love and light 🫶
goddamn writing this fic is kicking my ass. it was just meant to be an angsty gale introspective. then i started another and that was meant to be them just fucking absolute nasty style. now i fear they have combined, morphed, metamorphosed, and it’s becoming a monster. goddamn. what does one do in this situation? it would be my first time posting in this fandom and my second time posting fic at all. i’m shaking in my boots about it. there is so much wonderful fic being posted for this pairing and so many approaches and styles. i would love to get mine out and see it amongst those works. i’m just not sure how to go about constructing this fic and how to post about it. i’d like to post some bits and pieces and maybe someone will see it and tell me it’s worth it to finish it but first and foremost i’m really writing this for myself, because it’s the type of fic i love to read and also i feel like i need to be writing it so my mind is creating something. and it would feel like a waste to me and a let down for myself if i never post it. also i’m projecting very hard onto it and onto gale as a character, so it feels kind of personal in some parts? which can’t totally be avoided but because of that and because the way i write is also very personal to me it’s making something that should be fun to post about feel quite daunting. but i want to push myself so badly because it’s been years since i’ve done that, maybe i’ve never done that. and Of Course it’s wwii yaoi that’s gotten me to this point.
anyway, y’all ever think about gale identifying as a more feminine being than is expected for a man like him in the time he’s in, thus manifesting itself into years of repression he’s not entirely aware of until he meets and grows closer to bucky, and how he comes to terms with being awakened in such a way that has laid dormant until he’s in the literal u.s. military, and eventually in one of the least survivable theatres of the war, and in suffocating proximity day in and day out with one john bucky egan? and how he navigates his bond with marge, now in contrast to how he feels for john? and how even his childhood and the lives of his parents is being pushed forwards in his consciousness in relation to his sense of self and his place in the lives of others? oh and also how absolutely Biblically he wants john, in the most unconventional and all encompassing ways? all while he has no context for queerness and sexuality as it relates to himself? i dunno what freak would be into writing or reading that 👀 🚬💀
#like how the fuck am i gonna pull this? with my fic writing history? i’ve really done it now.#it’s gales pov which i Did Not see coming. i’m a bucky girl. he bewitches me. but gale… gale….#so here i am#up to my neck in the gale and marge of it all and gale’s identity and sexuality and how that fits into canon in a way that i can stay#as true as possible to the show because it really does already almost have it all#and i love gale as a character so i would hate to twist that out of shape#just for the sake of some down and dirty queer lust and feminisation kink#but i know what the fuck i want#and that is for gale to ride john into the damn ground#also my writing style appears to be built kinda different and there’s nothing i can seem to do about it so it’s all very… very? prose-y?#god this is too many tags. i don’t know what i’m doing.#if you’re reading this i’m sorry 🫶#how do i even tag this?? do i even want to tag this lmao#clegan#clegan fic#forgets fic#?? i guess that will do so i can find this post later and kill it with fire
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I've been looking for a 'The Quarry' playthrough where Ryan pursues Dylan over Kaitlyn (via playing the video and going to the Truth or Dare scene, and seeing who Ryan kisses- if dare is picked. If he kisses Kaitlyn, or picks truth, I move on.) for actually a fucking hour right now. I've been looking for an hour. I just searched "the quarry" on YouTube and for an HOUR I've been SCROLLING and clicking EVERY SINGLE no commentary full walkthrough I could find and majority of the time it's been Kaitlyn. 85%, at the LEAST. The rest, the player picked truth. I actually have a headache from how many times I've screamed in frustration. (Don't even ask about the anger issues, man,)
I FINALLY found one with the Rylan kiss <3333 my life is saved. I swear to God I was staring to have Issues™ with the Heteros™ (/hj). All I want is to have the game playing in the background on my TV while I write. And it took me an hour . There is too much Dylan disrespect on YouTube I swear
#god i need to just buy the game for myself. but i dont have the money snd i refuse to ask my father </3#the quarry#dylan lenivy#rylan#kaitlyn ka#don't get me wrong i absolutely love Kaitlyn she is so relatable and lovely#but ffs rylan is just#BETTER#im sorry#personally kaitlyns thing for ryan seems more like a 'he looks cool; he's my type too. wouldn't mind a hookup'#or something#but Dylan genuinely actually likes Ryan and its killing me insideeeee#i love all of these characters too much. i already have hcs#why did i put half of this in the tags#fuck#daft rambles
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