#Gave myself anxiety for nothing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

torchstelechos · 5 months ago

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Yall wanna know what I thought was happening during the Mal du Pays moment? I thought Siffrin's attacks that weren't doing any damage were actually hitting the party cause Siffrin was going sadness mode <3 legit thought we were gonna hop out to a full party wipe out with Bonnie crying <3 gave myself so much anxiety that I was fucking amazed that it was all in Siffrin's mind <3 power of love coming through strong with this one

#Isat spoilers #Isat #Isat siffrin #Isat Mal du pays #Legit almost had an emotional breakdown when the fight break happened only to realize the party was fine #Gave myself anxiety for nothing

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deoidesign · 6 months ago

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I'll either succeed or I'll learn trying

#I wanna REMEMBER THIS!!!!!!!!#its helpful for me to keep in mind #not failing. learning #learning. learning makes failures into something worthwhile #grimacing as I repeat this to myself #text post #delete later #idk saying it cause it made me be like heh. nice #so idk might make someone else be like hm... nice #so LAMGOMSAGKLSAJGALKGJASLKGMSALKGJ #there is not much thought behind the things I post there's just not really much thought in general #honestly that is not true #I overthing everything. on account of the anxiety #but it's all good #speaking of the doc gave me an anti anxiety med on top of the adhd thing #so that's cool #seems to be working though..#she told me I could up the dose and I might do that in like a week if it feels like hrmm #I asked for all the instructions about starting stopping upping lowering or changing the time I take things #cause yknow. those things matter and I like to experiment to figure out whats best for me #this has nothing to do with the post #also they messed up my order again #i only got 180 books #bro theres 120 more #where are they #give me my books!!! please!!!!!!!1 #I'll wait til tomorrow #its possible they just didnt fit on the truck. thats completely reasonable

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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wizard-eater · 2 years ago

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I cast wizard spell of set boundaries! Now you're able to set boundaries confidently without feeling embarrassed or ashamed! There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries!

As a bonus, I also cast everyone respects said boundaries or face my wrath!

#making this for myself #i recently set a boundary and i think it went well but it gave me so much anxiety and i felt so embarrassed #which is weird cause there's nothing wrong with setting boundaries!#just trying to help myself with this more #wizardblogging #spells

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intrusive-thoughts-only · 2 months ago

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I know I am being obsessive. I know I am truly not anything special to you.

I also know I can’t stop myself from being overly invested in an FP that may not ever feel anything for me.

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slippery-minghus · 2 days ago

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oof

#actually yeah remember that time i had swine flu #i had a 104 degree fever and was terrified to go to the hospital #not because of the hospital but because i'd have to manage my parents' emotions and anxiety while i was there on top of being sick as hell #i locked myself in the bathroom refusing to let my dad take me to the ER #and only gave in when he promised he wouldn't tell my mom #and then his girlfriend told my mom. they fucking lied #and then. you guessed it. i had to manage everyone's emotions while we waited for the ER to do literally nothing #the swine flu tests were super unreliable and i got a false negative. they sent me home with some antibiotics and called it a day #then sheepishly called a week later when the second test came back positive to basically ask if i was still alive #swine flu fucked me up for a long time. but it didn't warrant an er visit #and it certainly didn't warrant my parents fucking breaking my trust like that #i know they only told my mom so they didn't have to deal with her going off after the fact #which is such bullshit. that's the kind of thing a parent is supposed to take and shield their kid from #not break their trust so you get it easy #but of course. if my dad had been one to take my aversion to my mom seriously then. then he and i wouldn't be going on 4yrs of no contact #because a looooot of things would've had to be different for that one thing to happen #god i have so much anger for my parents. so much grief #my mom's been surprisingly silent (all things considered) in the near month i've been no contact with her #and it's not like seeing the disgusting emails and voicemails from her feels good but... but they're almost better than nothing.#they're sort of love. in a way. not really... but. but it hurts to know how hard my dad fought to get through to me #and to have spent the past 4yrs with my mom rubbing in my face how she'd never be like him and Just let me go. how she'd fight.#being told that at the time didn't feel like love. didn't feel healthy. and now seeing that she didn't even fucking mean it.#she prided herself so much on being the one who Loved Me More. really hard not to see it for the performance it was now #makes me wonder if my dad really actually did love me as much as he said. not that it was much but. it was more. it was something #i know he's not capable of change. even less capable than my mom. but. i really miss my dad right now.#(glad i can still remember what his voice sounds like. so i don't have to go listen to one of those old voicemails he left me)#even considering that the memory that brought this all up was him lying to me and betraying my trust #being no contact with my parents...i'm finally the orphan i always have been #personal #ahhhh therapy's gonna be JUICY this week 🤣

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waywardvagabonds · 2 months ago

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Trying to be patient but would really love it if i had a therapy appointment scheduled by now.

#therapist texted me a week ago saying she has internet back and could schedule virtual visits now #(the office is very much gone though the practice is looking for a new location)#texted back same day saying i did want to schedule and gave some dates #i know she’s probably busy getting every client sorted out and there are probably some with more urgent needs #or maybe her internet isn’t completely stable yet #but i’m worried that she just forgot about me but i also don’t want to be pushy by texting again #i don’t know what do you do when you feel like you desperately need something but also don’t think your needs matter #or that you’re being a burden (asking for a paid appointment that was offered to you)#weird i was able to get a haircut before a therapy appointment considering my hair stylist like…literally lost her home #though i suppose that creates a greater need to get back to work asap #also apparently nothing offsets my money anxiety #me: if there was ever a time to pull a large amount out of savings to give to those in need it would be now #also me: i am going to financially ruin myself and also probably my whole family #me again: you should be giving MORE stop being SELFISH #[proceeds to enter into damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t anxiety spiral where i hate myself in five different ways at once]

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crispycreambacon · 5 months ago

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Been feeling really upside-down smiling emoji lately 🙃

#i went grocery shopping on my own for the first time today! 🎉 yay! 🎉#oh no turns out carrying 3 bags of groceries and 6.6 liters of water would be extremely hard! 🎉 my arms hurt now! 🎉#and then I ordered dinner… which took 30+ minutes and 5 people behind me in line got their food first #‘cause the waiters gave me the wrong number 🙃#then I had to talk to laundry attendants which was hard because 1) social anxiety #2) 💫 I did not speak a lick of Tagalog despite being in the Philippines what the heck 💫#one of the laundry attendants fr mentioned that I couldn’t speak Tagalog to another customer I wanted to die right then and there #AND IT WASN’T EVEN THE RIGHT LAUNDRY SHOP...#then to top it all off: i locked myself out of my apartment building 🙃#JUST KIDDING THE KEY WAS IN MY POCKET so all of that stress was for 💫 NOTHINGGG 💫#I want nothing more than to relax #No one on Tumblr be on their BS today thank you #Also I’m gonna be uploading some doodles at 11.45 AM EST please be nice to me #chris p fried what?!

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tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r · 1 month ago

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I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.

#every waking moment of my life for three years was spent making sure other people had a person to vent to #but i can't vent to anyone #well ive got one person who wont even read my fucking text messages so i could say anything but i need someone to know #i need someone to say ill be okay. i need someone to be the person i was.#and nobody does that for me #ive got one person who cant even answer a ask on tumblr. honestly fuck you. i hope youre reading this. i spent so many nights awake making #sure you felt seen and you were okay. i gave up so much of my time to always be there for you. but you cant even respond “haha” to a stupid #joke? i get social interaction is hard. i get it. but this isnt. all you have to fucking do is open an ask. skim it for an idea of the vibe #and type haha or aw im sorry or smthing. its so easy. you know i have crippling anxiety. shit like this brings back trauma. it sends me into #a really bad panic attack. you suck. i hate to say that. cause you dont. you are genuinely a good person but you hate yourself so much that #youre actually trying to be a bad person #nothing you ever do will make me hate you but i sure am mad. me and A spent a few hours talking about how much we were worried about you #he doesn't have tumblr. when he found out you havent been messaging me he thought you killed yourself. for him its complete radio silence #just say something. like one of my posts. you dont have to do much. just do the bare minimum so i know you dont hate me.#cause if you dont hate me right now you really suck. really do. and if you do hate me please communicate that with me so i can fix myself

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maddy-ferguson · 1 month ago

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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)

#and like i say: brf slt #they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like #interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun #and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology #i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on #like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time #until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became #close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY #nothing has happened to me. nothing #that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i #did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm #not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023 #this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who #blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him #my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff #and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls #for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too #precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine #HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they #didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know #the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of #it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession

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1327-1 · 1 year ago

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unmedicated anxiety disorder person befuddled by brain doing the disorder

#this shit is fucking crazy #im like ok! lets get our clothes out bcoz i know u’re gonna freak out but this will make it easier #and then i’m like oh my fucking god what if people look at me #and then i’m like no i dont give a fuck but then i do i do so bad #it quite literally always takes jumping myself and beating my brain with hammers just to go Do Something #like i will map out my route. i will envision myself walking that route. i will be like yes i can see myself in this building i need 2 go 2 #all of that? FICKLE.#2024 xanax in my mouth plsplsplsllspls #.jrnl #i dont mean to psychoanalyze my family before 12pm but u ever have two parents who clearly have anxiety but as ure growing up theyre like #why dont u talk to ppl??? its a little weird ure this shy?? and then when u talk to ppl u’re reprimanded to HELL #and its like hey guys i unfortunately dont think this cycle can be broken i am ur literal child and u gave me this #and the world but its all the same shit fucking itself into top ten worst brain to have #me: u can go to the store and nothing will happen to u! [SOBBING]

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a-little-bit-poss · 10 months ago

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ok so like i keep meaning to bring my edibles to work but keep forgetting,, which like honestly probably good yknow? but also its like borrrrred. but also i proved yet again to myself that i can prevent a spiral without drug use, which like cool!

#it was nothing terrible #just a lil thing that like gave me an anxiety spike that like a different version of myself would've overly fixated on #is that the wellbutrin? is that growth in my emotional regulation? probably both!

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coloursofaparadox · 1 year ago

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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.

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nururu · 1 year ago

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I'm at the advanced stage of burn out where it's just full on trauma and I truly don't think many ppl can understand what it's like. and what it does to your brain and your ability to live normally. it's unexplainable.

#i dont feel human #i have no energy #i have no desire to do anything or try very hard #im filled with anxiety constantly bc im terrified its going to be this way forever #my brain has a hard time thinking coherent thoughts #or knowing how to respond #i work off mainly scripts #i also have inhibited grief #from going through so many traumatic moments and not gaving time to properly grieve or mourn #so i suppressed all of that and now my emotions about most things are numb #i can only cry if im forced into an anxiety/panic attack #truly just been hating being alive for yrs now #I always felt every emotion 100x louder and harder than everyone else #it exhausted me...#it wore me down to nothing #i had to numb myself from them in order to survive them

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tittyinfinity · 1 year ago

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you ever get so depressed that you just stare at a wall for 6 hours

#.bdo #nothing is entertaining #i keep opening tumblr then closing it bc I'm just mindlessly scrolling not paying attention #tried watching a show and got nothing out of it #it's all bc i can't stop thinking about whether or not D will call me today #and the hormones from my new birth control don't help #running out of pain medication doesn't help either #it just sucks bc any time I'm going thru something that's hurting me I feel like I just pressed a reset button on a lot of my progress #and I don't really wanna actually talk to someone about this bc I'll start bawling #on the bright side my mom gave me a hug today after she found me crying #that's not a usual thing she does she usually tells me to suck it up #I just wanna do stuff but I can't get myself to do anything it's hard to even get up and pee #anyway my mom is letting me drink her wine now that it's been 8 hours since I took my anxiety meds (did not help)#that at least got me to stop staring at the fuckin wall

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tripleaxeldiaz · 2 years ago

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🥀

#the fact that anxiety can physically make you feel like you’re dying #which just makes you more anxious #is a fucking cosmic joke what the hell #i’ve convinced myself that my breathing is weird #so obviously i’m knocking on death’s door #and the anxiety from that gave me chest pains #which FURTHER cemented my dying theory #meanwhile!! i am fine!! there is nothing wrong with me!!#i have zero risk factors for any kind of major medical problem!!!#so WHY am i PANICKING #this is for the birds man #personal

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