#Legit almost had an emotional breakdown when the fight break happened only to realize the party was fine

[torchstelechos]

Yall wanna know what I thought was happening during the Mal du Pays moment? I thought Siffrin's attacks that weren't doing any damage were actually hitting the party cause Siffrin was going sadness mode <3 legit thought we were gonna hop out to a full party wipe out with Bonnie crying <3 gave myself so much anxiety that I was fucking amazed that it was all in Siffrin's mind <3 power of love coming through strong with this one

[wilhelmjfink]

Felt downright bad that you were kind of disappointed for not getting a lot of feedback, because you definitely deserve to. Characters are solid (and great at swearing) and most of all you have an on point sense for rhythm of language, it's a really good read. That being said, I throw #32 and #44 in the ring and am sitting here giggling pleasantly in anticipation.

You’re amazing. You’re an angel and I love you. Thank you so much. Also I love to swear. I’d imagine if TWD wasn’t on television, Daryl would too. Also thank you for your patience!

This is long but I legit struggled with a scenario for this one lmaooooo so here’s a one shot

PS sorry I still haven’t figured out how to page break and “read more” on mobile fml

~

You were having horrible flashbacks to running the mile in high school gym class. Freshman year, you faked an injury and smugly allowed the school nurse to push you off the track in a wheelchair while you flipped your friends off and stick your tongue out, showing up on crutches the next day to write your essay on fitness instead. Sophomore year, you pretended to have a mental breakdown, screaming and crying when they herded you outside, babbling incoherently about your how mortified you were that you had to put on the stale, boxy uniform and make a fool of yourself in front of your peers. Junior year, they caught on, and the coach ran next to you the entire mile.

Only right now, it wasn’t Coach J running beside you with a snide expression looking down at you, it was Daryl who, admittedly, wasn’t much happier than Coach had been.

Your lungs burnt while you struggled to keep up with him, running on pure adrenaline now, straining to hear any sign of the strangers still keeping pace behind you over the incessant thumping of your heartbeat in your eardrums.

But you followed him, because that’s what you did, and what you would always do. Rounded every corner, jumped every log, crossed every creek without question because Daryl had never let you down before and you were sure he wouldn’t start today.

“C‘mon,” he ushered you beside him as you started to slow, not allowing you to stop for fear that you wouldn’t be able to start back up. “I dunno if they’re still followin’ us, but I don’t hear ‘em anymore.”

How long had you been running? Those men chased you guys for miles. They weren’t familiar — you were positive they didn’t have a vendetta, but who knew? Daryl would lay down and die before he ever let you get caught up with the wrong group; especially without him.

Risking a quick, nervous glance over your shoulder, you didn’t spot anymore company; an extremely welcome relief to your pounding heart and crippling anxiety that intertwined somewhere inside of you with the piercing adrenaline that created some combination of mental and physical exhaustion and a deep sense of dread.

Whether your knees finally gave out or you stepped awkwardly into a pothole, you suddenly fell forward onto the concrete with a grunt. The respite was heavenly; and you opted to bask in the stillness just for a second, hoping maybe Daryl wouldn’t push you to get back up just yet and let you try and catch your breath. And by the looks of him, you figured he could use the break as well; he was coated in sweat, head to toe, strands of his hair sticking to his forehead, his breathing heavy not unlike yours, and you briefly wondered if he was as miserable as you were.

You’d followed him to some sort of industrial plaza, with large warehouses looming over you in each direction, abandoned semi trucks strewn across the parking lots, billboards on the horizon and train tracks weaving behind it all. A tall chain link fence separated you from the main lot; a minor barrier that you prayed held up strong between you and the dozens of walkers meandering aimlessly on the other side.

But that realization was nothing compared to the fear that took back over when you heard it: whistling, hooting, hollering. Distant, but prevalent.

Desperately, you looked to Daryl for an answer: what do we do? Where do we go? You prayed your tired expression could still manage to convey all of these things to him, the years of silent companionship and wordless communication stronger than the debilitating exhaustion you were sure managed to disguise the other underlying emotions.

But he didn’t even have to double take at you — in fact, before you could think twice, he hoisted you back up back onto your feet from beneath your arms, and was dragging you behind him towards the gates.

“We gotta go through,” was all he said as you approached and got a good view of just how many walkers there really were on the opposite side. A straggler both noticed you and alerted you to a hole cut through the fence, which didn’t help the panic you were fighting off that tried to set in when Daryl’s words finally registered.

“What?” You still weren’t sure you heard him correctly. “Are you insane? We can’t go in there!”

But he hardly responded to you, lodging his Bowie knife until the side of the nearby walker’s skull with a sickening squelch. And yet, it still seemed so practiced, so technically mastered to you as he removed it and caught the body before it fell dead weight against the fence and rattled it, alerting all of its friends that luckily had yet to notice you.

Daryl immediately set to work, skilled and precise as he always was in anything he did, cutting down the center of the corpse as if performing an autopsy. You knew instantly what would follow, and you swallowed nervously, your stomach already churning at the thought and the sounds that followed certainly didn’t help.

And he stood up, a heaping pile of red rotten guts and intestines and coagulated blood in the palm of his hand. “Do ya trust me?”

You didn’t hesitate, the words tumbling from your mouth before your brain could consider any other answer: “Of course.”

Maybe it was the certainty in your voice, or how quickly and confidently you’d answered, but he seemed to pause for a fraction of a second, his normally bright, icy blue eyes fleetingly finding yours, now a dark and almost angry shade of slate. He nodded stiffly in response — you hated the thought that he might have been trying to convince himself at the same time.

“Alright.” He stepped forward, his free hand that wasn’t currently holding a softball-sized glob of decomposed flesh and old, rotted blood, grabbing one of your own hands that hung limply at your side, still stinging from the bits of gravel that pierced the skin of your palm. It was almost as if the second his touch met yours, none of that even mattered — why were you running? But then, in a swift motion that screamed at you that he was fighting the urge to hold back, the gross, wet sensation you’d been dreading was slathered against the front of your chest, instantly soaking through your t-shirt. “I ain’t gonna let anything happen to ya, alright? Nothin’. I promise ya that.”

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR 

Ok y’all if you thought 18x05 was long, you in for a trip. Get ready for lots of caps, lots of not PG-13, and lots of overanalysis. I hope this lives up to the hype since it took me forever and a day (literally almost every minute of the 20 minutes of scenes took practically an hour to breakdown, I have a problem I know). Anyways, let’s get sweaty under the cut because the day ain’t young no more 👇🏼

Their bickering in the car but Nick smiling the whole time is a huge married vibe but also he’s so happy she’s alive and will take any shit she gives him vibe and I’m here for it. Pluuuuus Ellie avoiding nicks question about the phone call 😭 he’s so freaking concerned for her (he’s been through his own version of PTSD), his voice drops all the teasing and he actually opens up a little bit - really wants to make sure she’s ok. He needs to be there for her and ugh poor Ellie, those walls are going back up after that hug- a momentary lapse in her usual self. She’s so far outside of her comfort zone talking about feelings and weaknesses and she immediately deflects. Nick respecting that deflection is also huge growth for him, knows it’s not ok to push through like a person like him would normally do and force her hand. He knows she needs space but also clearly ready to be that ear to listen or shoulder to cry on whenever she needs it.

His joke about notable mustaches only to be the butt of the joke about using the word notable later is hiiiiiilarious. 

Her comment about Zillow 😂 um excuse me ellie you looking for houses and to settle down 👀 but then(!!) Nick pushes her down the stairs first when shots start, getting her out of harm’s way and putting himself in danger like he always does my heart 😩 like he’s still on the stairs by the time she’s in a cell “safe.” And side note damn they are good shots, oof. 

The toilet bowl scene is easily one of my favorites. Nick freaking out over Ellie moving hers and him not being able to had me DYING. Like legit cackling over his worry she’s suddenly way stronger than him 🤣🤣 and then he gets SO pissed they took their car hahaha like so mad he hugs the damn wall in frustration. But then he claims he’ll rip out the bars of the window (you know, to make up for not being able to move his toilet and still prove he’s macho) and Ellie’s comment about superhuman strength & his agreement LOL. His anxiety level of being trapped and more so Ellie being trapped is getting to him already. He is reaching for any possible way to get them (read: her) out of there safely it doesn’t matter that the plan sounds outrageous. Cue him moving back to pissed and breaking the toilet with his damn foot like 🥵 we get you strong Nick but no need to show off. Hot damn. His “I really think we’re stuck in here” after that IDK why but had be laughing again. I’m pretty sure I said “no shit Sherlock” at my TV watching live because thank you Captain Obvious. 

Aaaaaand then when she pauses and finds the bomb bricks but goes so quiet oooooof he’s on high alert. You can practically hear his heart pounding and then he goes and starts panicking slightly when she doesn’t respond with our first use of a first name, “Ellie we have a wall between us, what is it?” But his tone is so frantic and his eyes are darting around putting the whole picture together and my heart aches for him. He’s starting to realize just how helpless he is to save her. The exact thing he likely swore he’d set out to never let happen again (Ellie in danger) after last episode, is happening again. And this time, it’s not like he can go hunt the guys down, he’s quite literally stuck. Helpless with no way out. Aaand here’s where Nick starts to lose his patience. Pissed at himself for not saving her before, not being able to save her now. Pissed at everything. He cannot comprehend how she is in this situation AGAIN and he can do nothing. But oh lord, he doesn’t even realize it’s about to get worse...

Him brooding over this crappy situation in a corner and being the cautious one is so unlike him (but also so telling as to how unnerved he is by her being in danger once again and not wanting to do anything to make it worse) and Ellie calls him on being “so careful, cowboy” and hot damn again she really does like a man in uniform doesn’t she??? 👀🔥 and she not picky on the type of uniform either 😏 but Nick immediately deflects because he’s not *quite* ready to talk feelings so let’s get down to business about counting bullets BUT the second Ellie starts to worry again he goes into hyperdrive protective and caring boyfriend partner. Without hesitation he tells her they’re going to figure it out because goddamnit he HAS to figure this out for her. He can’t fail, again. And he’s so so SO worried about her & her mental health right now and I sincerely love it. I know Ellie doesn’t want to have that conversation but I stan (I can’t believe I’m using that word, I’m not hip enough for that word) an empathetic boyfriend who supports their significant other when facing mental health issues (like PTSD in Ellie’s case) ❤️❤️❤️ Nick breaks my heart, he wants to be there for her- wants to be the one she feels comfortable enough to open up to and he just gets so dejected when she rejects his probing again (but I don’t blame her, it’s *hard* to open up about these difficult topics), his body language slumped over the bars and tone is just so defeated even if he tries to snap back into his usual Torres self (newsflash it ain’t working bruv because she’s not totally wrong in calling you hovery). Yet naturally he gets annoyed because he JUST CARES ELLIE DAMMIT LET HIM CARE. Like you go through this entire list of him trying to protect you from everything that could go wrong because HE CARES. HE WAS TERRIFIED HE LOST YOU ELLIE. HE TRULY THOUGHT HE’D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN. NEVER TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU. HE CARES. AND HE CANT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN. HE LITERALLY WANTS TO SAVE YOU (his own words because god damn this show plays with my emotions 😭😭) FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE YOU FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED AND HAVING TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLANE RIGGED TO BLOW. Ok done with yelling for now but man this part gets me. The implications are so important even over trivial stuff. He felt helpless and Nick Torres cannot do helpless, so he tries do to everything else in his power to keep her away from any danger no matter how little it seems. Even hot coffee is too much for his precious babe and while he knows she’s not some delicate, fragile flower- he knows she can hold her own (& has called her a badass as proof), his heart can’t possibly take another explosion on an airstrip. Even if that airstrip is something like a burnt tongue. Ok I die now 😩😩😩

But let’s come back to living because this bullshit Nick “I always tell you what’s going on with me...you ask I tell you” exCUSE ME. Is this the same man who claimed he was being overprotective and that Ellie was like a sister to him?!???!! Yeah, I call bullSHIT that you tell Ellie what’s going on with you. (And Ellie calls BS too, btw buddy). 

But when Ellie finally decides to open a little I love it. I think she finally understood at least just a bit that he just, simply cares about her & her well-being. So she gives him a tiny taste of what she’s going through. And god Nick’s face when he understands the gravity of what she’s having to face mentally. Like I know he knew but I don’t think he knew just how bad. And you can just see that hatred towards his perceived failure turning inward once again as the mood shifts in these cells to somber. Plus Ellies last comment here with them *needing* to find a way out of there- girrrrrrrl poor baby girl 😭 she’s struggling so hard right now and trying so hard to not let it show and not let it get to her but you know she’s terrified. You know she’s desperately triggered. UGH Ellie 💔💔

We cut to Ellie desperately trying to figure out a solution to getting the fuck outta there and once again my heart aches for her triggered self. Nick seems desolate and frustrated, shutting down slowly as it seems less and less likely they’ll get out. Buuuuut then the GUM. Ahahahahahah Ellieeeeeee how do you know about that last piece of gum for “breath emergencies”??? AHHHH this man’s jeans are so damn tight (& yes trust me I would know, I observe) but like also you staring at a spot on said tight jeans that’s only maybe five inches from a different outline 👀👀👀 GIRL I FEEL YOUUUU. GET. IT. Plus she knows exactly what he calls it and I freaking love that. His excuse for why he has to save it is also hilarious 🤣 his breath emergency later hmmm doubt you wanted to save it to MacGyver something Nick sooooo you got another thing in mind?? 😏 and then LMAO it’s mushy because his pants are sweaty I’m rolllllling. Your pants too tight Nick? (this is not humanly possible btw) ALSO is this why later Ellie says she expected Nick to be more sweaty??? If it is and now rewatching I kind of feel like it is, omg what a great callback on her part 🤣🤣

Nick trying to coach her on the proper way of opening the cell door is hilarious because bitch which one of you was able to move their toilet Nick 👀😂 but oh damn now it’s when shit goes downhill fast. 

Nick not being able to see anything and his frantic questioning is amazing compared to Ellies absolute panic realizing she is once again facing down a bomb. I feel like her calming breaths are a coping technique Jack has been helping her with but man kill me now, Nick’s face?? When he realizes what he thought was helplessness earlier has just shot yo exponentially??? Oof with a capital O. This poor man needs a damn drink and yet all he can have is a club soda boy I *feel you* on that (side note #letsgetthisbabyoutmybellyasap). His woman has gone and gotten herself into another bomb encounter for the second time in a week. And he CANT DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. Can you imagine the absolute inner (and outer, give it a sec) freak out he’s having?? He wants to save her from hot coffee for Christ’s sake and now he can’t save her from a rigged bomb. Talk about a shitty situation. 

I just love the Torres Teachable Moment little discussion. Like Nick’s smirk gets me. I really don’t think he knew she had a name for it or realized that she caught on to what he was doing (trying to help her grow as an agent without being obvious or “degrading”). And then we move on to comparing arm length and I crack up 😂 “my arms are longer than yours” and “no they’re disproportionately short for your body” HAHAHA like what the hell have you guys been doing to know this?? Do you stand *that* close together with your arms down to know their lengths comparatively and how much do you stare at Nick, Ellie? Daaaaaaamn. From his gum to his arms to his body I see you 👀 I’m not hating tho I would too 😏 I think what I loved most about this whole jail scene (aside the ending obvs) is the quick flipping back and  forth from joking & teasing to dead serious & worried. Like they’re both trying so hard to keep it above board and light- trying desperately not to think of the implications of what’s happening but then (usually Nick) those intrusive thoughts sneak through and he can’t help but redirect them back to serious. It shows their inner warrings with themselves and just how hard this is for both of them. How much they want to appear strong and unflappable but they both know deep down the whole situation is eating away at them. And Nick bringing up her standing on a bomb only moments before he tells her he’s going to shoot the wall- OOF. Ellie’s genuine terror for him injuring himself and her then not being able to do a damn thing about it because she’s standing on a FREAKING BOMB is so painful to watch. Like she’s stuttering she can’t get it out fast enough, she needs to stop him, she can’t fathom him getting hurt while she’s helpless (uh, hello there theme of the episode how have you been). Nick’s facial expressions through this scene are also so telling. He goes from “this isn’t a big deal” to “oh shit she’s panicking” to “holy shit is she going to open up, is she really talking about this” to “fuck it’s my fault she had to go through that and it’s tearing me up inside every second” to “hooooooly fuck is she about to say what I think she’s about to say?? Is she about to confirm what I know deep inside but am too afraid to say aloud?? Is it true??” And ELLIE OH ELLIE. Reliving that *has* to be hard, has to. To finally bring it up after she’s been dodging it all damn day...you know the thought of him getting seriously injured had her more than rattled. And she cracks open those cement walls around her heart so briefly, the glimpse in it provides I think a turning point for Nick. Finally seeing that it’s not just him, she’s in deep too. Even if she can’t say it, can’t say she was fighting to see him again 😩💔 he knows. She says he only has one bullet left and to save it and they’ll figure some other way with tears in her eyes my HEART. But Nick gets it. Nick gets it because he’s been in the exact same situation. His eyes as they process the implication of her words and the fear for his life running through them 🥺 his simple “ok” is so unlike his normal self, you just know he’s once again doing anything and everything he can for. Even if that means standing down and not fighting for his way (the natural instinct for him). He knows what she needs is reassurance he won’t accidentally shoot himself. So he does it 😭 But him pacing (as a man of action suddenly faced with forced inaction) & Ellie begging for an inventory over and over (a woman of logics and data faced with PTSD) is so painful. You can tell they’re both struggling and neither wants to admit it but also they both need to do something - for Nick that becomes finally deciding to shoot a foothold in the wall and for Ellie that meant trying to go over their facts again and again but suddenly she’s once again terrified Nick is going to injure himself. The one man she fought to see again might hurt or even kill himself and she can’t do a damn thing because she’s standing on a bomb for fuck’s sake. Aaaaaaand cue the blow up. Cue Nick voicing his worst fears of Ellie accidentally triggering the bomb. Cue Ellie getting defensive because she’s so damn used to be babied and treated like she can’t take care of herself. Cue the “overprotective hovery man crap” line that had me rolling on the floor (tbt ROFL). Cue Ellie calling herself a girl but Nick calling her a woman like DAMN get me where it hurts Nick- that right there is a man who respects the living hell out of this fiiiiiiine representation of a woman in front of him 🔥. Cue Ellie saying because I’m “me” like um FUCK YES IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU AND HE’S TOO SCARED OF LOSING YOU ELLIE. Cue Nick finally losing his shit and getting reeeeeealllllllll like hallelujah do you hear the church bells?! Even Ellie knows to finally pause and listen. Nick never loses it on her, never. She knows this shift is serious and it’s happening. And omg his confession can I just have a moment of silence for the GROWTH.

Thank you, it needed commemorating. The same Nick who didn’t belong to a team is the Nick that is out here claiming he can’t sit idly by while the love of his life might get blown up again. He’s NOT OKAY WITH THAT AND NEITHER AM I. NOT AFTER THIS GODDAMN SCENE. His head bob accentuating just- how- important this is to him is so in character (thank you Wilmer) and theeeeeeen shoot me the way he has to fucking collect himself from almost crying. The emotion- there just aren’t words. Literally he has to look up to the sky and blink back those tears you know are threatening to fall at the thought of the woman who he still *technically* hasn’t told that he loves her could potentially die, again, for the second time in a week. So guess the hell what? He’s telling her (sort of). He’s telling her he would do anything, anything, put himself in danger’s way if it meant there was even the tiniest chance it would save her. Pardon the callback but- HE WOULD RISK HIS LIFE TO SAVE HERS. DON’T YOU REMEMBER ELLIE. YOU SAID I KNOW. DO YOU KNOW NOW. DO YOU. BECAUSE GOOD LORD CAN YOU MARRY THIS MAN ALREADY BEFORE I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND AND DO IT (jk love you honey 😘). But like damn, she knows it now. That look- she bites her lip and has tears in her own eyes at the realness she can feel even through a cement block wall. It’s a feeling she’s not used to. She isn’t used to being a person someone would literally risk death for. She doesn’t think she deserves it (sip on that like whiskey, mull it over, let it sink in & cry about it). Even if she knows she doesn’t need saving (and so does Nick), she finally realizes it isn’t about that. It isn’t about he feels like she can’t do it. It’s about the overwhelming pull that your life isn’t greater than the one you love. That love, real true love, is knowing you would do anything for that other person (and they the same) because the world would be worse off without them in it. And Nick will never be okay with a world without Ellie. Never. Their joint quiet after his confession is so powerful. There’s no claims of falsehood, there’s no trying to quip back at him, there’s no trying to stop him. It just settles into the room- into their hearts. They’ve crossed a line and it means so, so much. Nick can feel a weight lifted off his shoulders as he loads his gun and gets ready and Ellie can feel a weight settle on hers from the need to reciprocate. And not out of pity, it would be out of truth. But she knows it isn’t the right time. She knows she has to do it, and she will. She held back earlier when she couldn’t say she was fighting for Nick, but his outburst and confession gave her the courage in this scene. She finally has confirmation she means to him like he means to her. And she has to know, she has to know if he means it or if it was heat of the moment so when the dust settles she inquires, “what’s going on over there?” A pulse check. A way of asking without asking—did you mean that? And the shock of confirmation of her face as Nick, dead as a doornail serious says, “close calls make you live harder”….holy hell. That’s the moment it snaps for her, everything snaps into place—the agony he’s gone through not only this week, but the past couple years of close calls. He’s done beating around the bush, he’s living harder, he’s going all in, he’s getting what he wants. He refuses to let anything like a damn jail cell rigged to blow stand in his way. And she knows, she knows just how important she is to him. He might not have said those three words, but that phrase- that phrase was a direct window into Nick Torres’ soul. And by god I love it. 

But Nick pulling a prank on Ellie like that is also so Nick- the little shit. The genuine concern in her voice when she yells his name 😭 like dude, her worst fear, something causing ongoing trauma in her head right now is the ONE THING you decide to tease her with??? I should expect nothing less but damn that’s low 😂 her checking on his status update with Gibbs though feels like such a role reversal from earlier and it cracks me up, side note. 

When they’re getting ready to stand down the returning brother and Nick gets in position next to the wall but can’t even look ahead- he’s just staring at Ellie, oof. In that moment he’s brutally and painfully aware she can’t hide for cover. Not only can she not hide, he can’t cover her because he’s (locked in a cell but also) out of bullets. He’s once again near helpless and the woman he loves (and has now finally kind of told) is a sitting duck. Someone get this poor man a damn club soda, I repeat. 

And the little talk between the two parties- I love that Ellie takes point. Love that Nick lets her. Like damn that’s a supportive partner right there and I 👏🏼 AM 👏🏼 HERE 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT. He knows she can handle this shit and he will willingly let her. But nooooooowwwww weee gettinggggg to the goooooood paaaaaaart. 

Ok first, “good to see you” - this man has missed her face. Straight up dying to see her in the flesh. Just listening to her voice and not seeing the emotions written on her face is not enough. Seeing her alive, smiling at him, he needed it. But of course, let’s keep it light, act natural Nicholas. 

“I thought you’d be sweatier” - excUUUUSE ME ELLIE. Not only did you just call out his reference to his sweaty jeans earlier, you also WANT TO SEE HIM SWEATY DON’T YOU. THAT SMIRK SAYS YES DON’T LIE. And honestly, I don’t blame you shhhhh.

“The day is young” - can I get another excUUUUSE ME NICK. Words- they don’t- function. Because that knowing smile of hers- SHE’S OKAY WITH IT. GET YOUR MIND OUT THE GUTTER YOU TWO THERE’S A HOMICIDAL MAN UPSTAIRS. YOU’VE GOT TIME TO GET SWEATY TOGETHER TONIGHT YOU HEAR ME. THAT DAY IS YOUNG AND SO ARE YOU SO GET THOSE BRICKS AND THEN YOU CAN GET TO BANGING LATER. I just fucking can’t with their smirks. I can’t. This isn’t the normal banter, this is the fuck me banter and I’m okay with it. Because right after the I-wanna-get-in-your-sweaty-jeans banter we have Ellie putting her HAND ON HIS GD HIP AS HE PASSES ONLY TO MOVE UP TO BOTH SHOULDERS. AND THEEEEEEEN HOLY HELL SOMEONE LIGHT A MATCH BECAUSE THIS BITCH ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM SEXUAL TENSION. Is it possible to rewatch this scene a thousand times in slo-mo and still not have watched it enough? Because that is me. That will always be me. How are they so in tandem, so in sync as they look up mere inches from each other- directly into the other’s eyes knowing exactly how serious this situation is and yet pausing to freaking gaze longingly (read: have eye sex) at each other. And I’m sorry Nick looks down at her lips like three times??? For a good while too?? Sir nothing you said required you to look there. nothing. And also there’s no way his hands aren’t on her I thiiiiiiink they’re on her upper arms (based on the last shot as he’s walking to get the bricks) but like hold her tight Nick please. Also while Ellie doesn’t look at his lips (in this scene) holy shit those are some come-hither eyes if I’ve ever seen them. “I’m sure” ABOUT YOU. SHE’S SURE ABOUT YOU NICK. SHE’S SURE SHE’S READY TO GET SWEATY WITH YOU NICK. Like literally, this girl had been leaning up against the cement wall for a looooong time before he has to pass her and now, NOW that Nick has to pass her- SHE STANDS UP TALL. TO GIVE HIM NO SPACE. WHILE SHE’S STANDING ON A BOMB. BITCH YOU WANTED IT. That was a damn power move Ellie and I am not mad about it. She so easily could have leaned back, given him a ton of space to get around, but nooooooo she stands right there, middle of the tight opening and says yes Nick come get 1mm from my face, touch me here, touch me there, touch me everywhere don’t care 👀 while you pass. I’m sure I’m okay with it because you’ve just eye fucked me and it’s exactly what I wanted. And I mean come oooooooon just the underlying emotion behind both of their words. Nick isn’t just asking if she won’t move her foot- it’s his way of asking if she’s ok and she looks SO much better, more relaxed now that he’s with her. The tense, anxiety-ridden Ellie that was asking for inventory or snapping about him being overprotective, is now at ease despite still standing on said bomb- all because Nick is right there with her and if that doesn’t make you 🥺😭 I don’t know what will. Like she can’t even take her eyes off of him even after rude brother interrupts this gold moment of theirs until Nick has already completely turned his head towards the dude. She’s just so relieved to see him standing there, so close to her, feeling his warmth underneath her hands again. 

Side note to prove my earlier point, when Nick casually reaches through to throw the bags of bricks through the door Ellie is leaning on the wall and THERE’S SO MUCH ROOM. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PASSED. 

Nick looks like he literally wants to murder the guy, enraged that he’s the one who put Ellie in this situation again. We would’ve seen swan!Nick if it wasn’t for Ellie choosing this moment to finally share her feelings. Because remember- she’d decided she was going to reciprocate but knew it wouldn’t come off the right way before. Now’s the time. Now when the immediate threat to their lives is gone (excluding bomb of course). Now when they’re alone, they’re together, and she can look him in the eye so he knows she’s serious. He can read the truth in her eyes rather than doubt her words said across a jail cell wall. 

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you” - well damn that got your attention didn’t it Nick??? So used to putting Ellie first, putting yourself second its weird to hear it come from someone else isn’t it? That someone is worried for your safety? That someone needs you living and breathing just as much as you need them doing the same? His eyes immediately change from Imma kill this man to did I just hear this woman right. 

“I’m not okay with you getting blown up either” - first off, the parallelism is what makes this absolute *chef’s kiss* because Nick has literally zero chance of being blown up if he runs after this dude. Shot? Yes. But blown up? No. Ellie has chosen these words precisely to call back to what Nick said earlier. To make sure he’s aware she understood the weight of his earlier confession and is making the same one. They are on equal footing- their feelings are not only reciprocated but just as strong as the other. She could’ve said anything else but choosing his exact words was so poignant in the moment. It’s like the difference between saying “I love you” & “I love you too” compared to “I love you” & “I really care about you.” And the way she says it with such confidence, she isn’t playing around, she didn’t even *have* to bring up their previous conversation, she’s got determination etched across her face with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She means this, and it’s dying to bust out of her. And so the shock to Nick’s system is quite frankly understandable. This is Ellie - someone who hours ago didn’t even want to tell him who she was trying to make a phone call to. Ellie who has walls the size of Mt. Everest erected around her heart. Ellie who could have brushed off his earlier comments said from the safety of a cement wall between them. But no. This Ellie is all-in, she’s ready to own up to her side. She’s ready to lay it on the line just like him. Equal footing. If Nick is ready to jump, then so is she. And he’s just so taken aback- glancing at her lips, blinking through the shock as he processes. Processes the weight of her words on their relationship. He knows he could laugh it off, make a joke about his superhuman strength not allowing him to get blown up, or he could man up and take them both forward. Ellie doesn’t even flinch under his stare, if anything she becomes more confident, more resolute in her words and her stance. Her eyes searching his for what his reaction will be and for a brief moment I swear there’s a tiny bit of worry, a tiny bit of unease that he wasn’t ready for her to repeat his words back to him. 

“Well, what are we gonna do about that?” Oh YOU HEARD. That smirrrrrrrrk Nicholas stop iiiiiit, Eleanor’s standing on a bomb you don’t need to light her on fire!! Because this is a challenge, a goddamn challenge. Staring straight into her soul saying, “oh you want me and I want you? How about we blow this popsicle stand and go get fucking sweaty ok? Because that’s what I want to do about that 👀🔥🔥🔥” and not only is the smirk sexy as hell but it’s also got this glint of elation. Like he could not be happier she said those words back to him. That he finally took Ziva’s advice, wasn’t a wuss and WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT PAID OFF. But his words also tell of a little nervousness. And not necessarily in a bad way, more as in a leaving it to her way. Putting her in the driver’s seat of this relationship knowing it’s where she’ll feel most comfortable. Given all she’s been through, like all of it not just the past week, he knows that she needs to be in control of how fast they move. And once again his chivalry and thoughtfulness of her is just- I cry. He doesn’t just assault her with what they should do next, he leaves it for her to decide. For her to weigh in on how far and how fast she wants to take them. And by the little shy smile Ellie gives him- she knows what he means. She knows her words have hit their mark and that he respects her enough to let her lead the way. And now she has to make her decision, a decision we DON’T GET TO SEE BUT I’M NOT BITTER IT’S FINE. But a decision nonetheless. 

I honestly go two ways on this- the most obvious of hell yes they kissed right then and there and started *something* and then the bitter realistic one of they were probably interrupted by Gibbs (who was literally outside like right then based on timing) but also may have just continued to stare into each other’s eyes- still slightly taken aback by everything they just shared and what it means for them. Still unsure of how they “work” as people who *love* each other, not just partners. Having that reality sink in as they continue to face off and wait for a rescuer. That reality sinking in could lead to obviously very good things (that we better see on our screen or I will fucking riot) or a slight nervous closing-off. Like not quite closed off closed off, but a tiny retreat when the gravity of the day falls down on both of them. I don’t think either will believe they only said what they did because of the situation/moment they were in, but it’s still a lot to deal with after all is said and done. I sincerely hope they unpack this in the coming episodes and give us some direction of what happened after that jail cell scene. 

I love the Torres told McGee about what happened today and I’m so curious about how much detail he told him lol but I also love that McGee has now received genuinely good advice from Torres twice now (the one about the reunion and now this). Just goes to show you the brotherly bond they have ❤️ but also that the advice was the same advice he literally lived out that day. Close calls make you live harder, almost as an affirmation to himself (Nick about what happened), but as something he knew McGee needed to hear too- they all do. 

And then this bullpen scene - one, how far of a time jump is this and whyyyyyyy won’t they telllll meeeeee. They hate me. Two, Ellie coming over so close just to hand off a file that he doesn’t even look at 👀 three, THEIR SMIRKS. WHAT DO THEY MEAN. Because Nick is holding back the world’s biggest smile as Ellie gets close to him and Ellie is just all nonchalantly checking him out with a brief eye-sex scene. Like damn this fine man doesn’t want me to blow up and I don’t want him to blow up either 🔥 Now does this mean they absolutely got together and did the nasty after they got out of that cell? Of course not. We can only dream, and write fics. This ending scene is very reminiscent of what NCIS loves to do with their power of open-ended persuasion at the end of an ep, see On Fire for example. The ending music and comments combined with the shot of Gibbs leaving in the elevator is literally there to try and persuade you that he killed Xavier. In this ep, the ending music and voiceover combined with their looks at each other is there to try and persuade you they totally got it oooooon. Not to say they didn’t, but I don’t trust NCIS one damn bit. 

All in all, cannot *wait* to see where they take ellick the rest of the season. Emily hyped this ep and man, she did NOT disappoint. Let’s see that shift that is going to ripple for the rest of the season now like Wilmer promised 🤞🏼

Oh and my only side note because this was insanely insanely long and if you’re still reading I’m proud of you for hanging in there with me & my screams into the void, send me an ask screaming back it’s ok I’ll love you for it—waaaas the whole team poking fun at Torres for using the word notable was downright hilarious. That and Gibbs trying to do everything himself, I can’t. Comedic gold. I love. I would go from dying of laughter to intense emotions so fast in this ep I got whiplash and for that, I am thankful to Gina. She always delivers 🔥

[iaintyourbro]

What’s your take on Cloud’s depression during AC? People on twitter are suddenly talking about this, again. This matter was brought up by those antis saying that we Clotis should accept the fact that Tifa wasn’t the one who “healed” Cloud and that she was also being mean and not considerate whatsoever. The funny thing is that, they also accused us of denying his depression and not understanding it. TF. Let’s be real, Tifa played a major part, in fact she gave him morale thx to her “scolding” lol

Hey anon.. 

Yeah, Twitter has me depressed today. I think it started last night. I was enjoying it for a bit, but the last week or two have been so bad over there with bullshit that I’m about to just take a break from the entire fandom. 

My Take on AC Cloud:

I watched AC when it first came out, and I barely remember it. I remember I didn’t like what they did. Why was Cloud so depressed and brooding? Oh Aerith is in this? Interesting. I felt like it was disjointed and removed a lot of the great progress Cloud made in OG. They kept this depressed, brooding guy in KH as well... It just didn’t seem right to me. I was young, too. 

At this point we also didn’t have On the Way to a Smile, Crisis Core, or anything else, really.. None of the Ultimanias were in English at this point. I also was not interested enough in going online. It was a weird time when I was playing other things and was meh on FF7 for a while. I was always a FF8 fangirl, so was jealous of FF7 at times hahaha. It got so much more attention and love. 

It took me a long time to watch it again. I remember my husband watching it before Remake came out and I felt mad or sad. It was like an emotion from memory, and I didn’t know why. I can’t describe it. I saw it on the TV and was like why is this on here... 

After playing Remake, I bit the bullet and ordered AC Complete, which had things tweaked and added. I also am now in my 30′s and have a lot more life experience.

Antis like to say Cloud is depressed solely because Aerith is dead and he wants to be with her. This may be one of the reasons I didn’t like AC, because when I did happen to come across some FF7 thing online, I’d see this shit and be like whatever, that makes no sense. 

I enjoyed ACC. My heart was actually pounding and I was nervous/intrigued by what was going on even though I knew the story. I haven’t read all of CoT yet, but I’ve seen the excerpts online, so I know the general gist of things.

Based strictly on ACC:

Cloud is really upset that Denzel is sick. He’s obsessively looking up medical stuff to figure out how to cure it - this is shown with everything all over his desk. He’s closed in on himself to do this. I did the same shit when my dad had cancer. I did it for three fucking years while he was alive - from the time he got diagnosed to the day he was dying. Every damn day I looked up articles, research, and theories. It’s not healthy. It’s depressing and I closed myself off from the world half the time and didn’t realize it. Thank God my husband is a patient saint. 

Cloud does care a lot about Tifa. His reaction alone at seeing her knocked out in the church is heart wrenching. When they’re brought back to Seventh Heaven, Cloud pops right up when he sees Tifa there. He then stays with her until she wakes up. This is a pretty good amount of time. The sun is up when he’s looking over her, and when she wakes up, it’s dark outside. He could have slipped out again without her noticing if he really wanted to. I’m sure he may have contemplated it. 

She calls his ass out on how he’s acting. She knows he’s sick at this point. This was huge for Tifa who’s not confrontational. He clearly doesn’t want to completely disconnect, or he would have gotten rid of his cell phone voluntarily. He doesn’t. They actually show him checking his messages. 

Ultimately Cloud leaves because he ends up with Geostigma. That’s the last straw. He can’t face the fact that he’s going to die and what it’ll do to his family, so he leaves. Listen, I think the only reason my dad didn’t try to leave when he was diagnosed was because he had nowhere to go and by time he started verbalizing wanting to leave, he was physically unable to. Yes, I remember him being angry because he was hospitalized again and he told my mom he was going to get an apartment by himself so she didn’t know when he was getting bad. It’s very hurtful to even think it, and even worse when you know they don’t actually mean it... They do it because they don’t want to see their family hurt. 

The setup he has at the church as his “living” area is super depressing. It looks like something a homeless person sets up. He legit was going to wait to die. He had a lot of knowledge about this, so he figured there was nothing he could do. 

Marlene calls Cloud out on his bullshit too. Cloud admits to her he doesn’t think he can take care of anybody. Marlene Barrret quotes him and it’s cute. I think Cloud appreciated it and I think it made him think.

In ACC, Cloud has a short conversation with Aerith. Aerith seems almost annoyed with him like “wtf is your deal, dude” kind of attitude. Zack shows up when he’s bloody and half dead fighting Sephiroth to encourage him. There are scenes with him talking at Zack’s grave and saying he couldn’t keep his promise to him. He flat out tells Aerith he wants to be forgiven. He doesn’t say I miss you, I want to be with you, none of that happens. In fact, it’s mainly her telling him HE needs to start doing some forgiving - ultimately to himself. 

When Cloud is in limbo - between living and dying - Cloud says “Mom.” Very romantic, I know. Then Zack and Aerith have a conversation very similar to a couple that’s going to adopt a child and they tell Cloud he’s too big for them. This is the “I see the light” and the person on the other side is like “nah bro go back, not your time yet.”

He wakes up, Tifa and crew is there, he smiles at Tifa... and it’s a happy ending. He sees both Zack AND Aerith at the end, and they walk off in to the light together all cute and shit.

Adding in Things from the Novels/Interviews/Thoughts:

The devs have said Cloud was happy with his family and that scared him. The happier he got, the more scared he got. We know he cherishes everything. He especially cherishes the family he has.

Cloud’s depression spiral started from the high anxiety of having a happy life and Elmyra asking him to deliver flowers to Aerith’s grave. Now, I have my feelings about this, but when I look at it logically, I don’t think Elmyra ultimately does this out of spite. I actually don’t think Elmyra thinks Cloud and Aerith were a thing - so it wasn’t that either. I think she knew Cloud was friends with her and maybe he’d want to deliver some flowers - to give him some business. 

This flower delivery reminds Cloud of what he thinks is his failure to protect somebody else. At this point he has his memories of what happened to Nibelheim, his mother, Tifa, and Zack. The Sector 7 plate drop and Aerith are the most recent “failures”. So this brings up Aerith.

Then Denzel comes along and he’s an orphan because his parents were... yeah... killed during the Sector 7 plate collapse. Double ouch. But Cloud and Tifa are going to take care of him.

Tifa herself has a lot of guilt because of the same reasons, she just deals with it very differently. Tifa tells Cloud to bring Denzel right home. She can make amends by adopting him in to her family and caring for him. Cloud thinks Aerith brought Denzel to him (Tifa corrects him). This is a Cloud thing, it’s not romantic. Cloud doesn’t know the guilt Tifa feels. He legit thinks all of this is his fault. Tifa’s guilt stems from the fact that Shinra drops the plate because Avalanche was in Sector 7 - she was in Avalanche. She feels guilty about Aerith because she thinks its her fault Aerith followed them to Don Corneo’s mansion. The thing is, Aerith doesn’t blame EITHER of them - I just wish they’d cover a Tifa/Aerith conversation about this as well... 

Cloud and Tifa do have fights in the novels from what I understand, but it’s because he’s acting weird. He feels bad hiding the fact that he’s been going to the church a lot, and I think that does turn in to a whole LTD debate. So you can take this as Tifa is jealous that he’s going to the church all the time or she’s upset that he is hiding from her. 

In the novels, Tifa has a breakdown when they go see the church after they defeat Sephiroth. This is where you get to see how badly Aerith’s death impacted her. So my thought is... Cloud thinks bringing her to the church hurts her because of her feelings, not because she’s jealous. I think Cloud is oblivious to the jealousy thing, honestly. Don’t think it’s a thought in his mind. 

I honestly don’t know the real reason why he goes to the church to hide. I think this is another point of fight with both sides. My personal take is there was nowhere else he could go and be alone. Most of the stuff had been destroyed. It was still close by, so he could still do his work and keep an eye on things/be nearby.

There is a quote that is taken to be literal, but I think it’s just a way to say it wouldn’t have mattered who Cloud was “with.” Yes, Tifa and Cloud have issues, and I believe the quote goes “Perhaps it would have gone better with Aerith, but I think her responsibility is too great. Maybe the children will help them with their issues.” This isn’t exact, but it’s the jist of what they said. The children do help them - that’s the point of the scenes with Marlene, to slap him silly with reality. 

“Oh but he sees Aerith when the building is falling.” Yes, you know why? Because he thinks that’s going to happen to Tifa. This is a “NO I’M NOT LETTING THIS HAPPEN.” moment. On top of it, I don’t think anybody would be right again if they saw this happen. If my neighbor was impaled by a large sword in their back, I’d be messed up from it. I don’t really know my neighbors. He’s not replaying this death scene in his head cuz he misses Aerith, he’s playing it in his head because it’s traumatic and he doesn't want to see this happen to Tifa. Especially Tifa. 

It’s been put in Ultimanias time and time again that Cloud’s feelings are for Tifa. I went through my Ultimania - which only covers OG - and it doesn’t say anything about Cloud’s side of the CA argument. It does say how he feels about Tifa in the Lifestream, though. 

The “He wants to die for her, see, that’s why he’s going to the church and waiting.” No, he doesn’t want to die or else he wouldn’t be so depressed. Just thinking this is fucked up on so many levels. If he really wanted to die and be with her, he’d be happy he got an incurable illness, I’d think... Cloud leaves Tifa and them because he doesn’t want to hurt him with him dying and not being able to stop it. 

The other thing that would be... weird... Zack is in the Lifestream with Aerith. They walk off together for a reason. I don’t think she’s going to just drop Zack for Cloud since the whole reason she was initially interested in Cloud was because of the similarities to Zack. He had the same sword, the same clothes, and in OG had some of the same mannerisms. I noticed the dropped the squatting in Remake - the random squatting.

The ending of ACC implies that now that Geostigma is cured and Sephiroth is (hopefully) gone for good, Cloud can be happy. I’m not saying that his smile fixes everything. I’m sure that him and Tifa had to work on things, but you can see in DoC that things seem to be much better - he’s more upbeat and happy. He’s more dorky, like he should be. 

Sorry this is long. I have a lot of feelings about all this stuff today. I’ve been seeing the fights over on Twitter about it and.. yeah. Cloud is depressed because of the fact he’s dying, his kid is dying, and he can’t seem to do anything right in his mind.

Thanks for the ask. 

[weakzen]

(Not So) Small Detective Ask Game

(list here for anyone else who wants to do it)

alright, one sadsack detective and where she stands at the end of book 2, comin’ right up.

01. What’s their name and how do they look?

Alexandra 'Alex' Black.

Five foot three shorty. Twenty-eight years old. Light blue eyes. Long, bright red hair, usually done up in a big puffy Dutch braid. Athletic and curvy, with a decent amount of muscle. Covered in some gnarly scars too, mostly on the left side of her body. Buy her a drink and ask real nice about them, and she might just tell you about the time she got her ass kicked and almost died in a bar fight.

02. Why did they join the police?

Needed a job after crawling home to Wayhaven with her tail tucked between her legs. It was supposed to be temporary, just something to pay the bills while she worked up the nerve to jump back into academia.

Then years passed, applications remained unsent, and one day, she looked up from behind Reele's old desk and slowly realized she was never going to have the courage to get that PhD.

03. How did they get the promotion to detective and what do they think about it?

She turned the Chief down and kept turning him down for the promotion, right up until the morning he slammed a 'Detective Black' nameplate down on her desk and told her that she started in an hour.

After he stomped out of the station, she just sighed and spun around in her chair a few times.

That general mood hasn't changed since. But if no one else is stepping up, then she'll do the best job she can.

Not like she's really a mathematician anymore, so…

Might as well.

04. Can they handle blood/gore?

Yes. Very easily.

All that emotional detachment has to be good for something, right?

05. How are they with people?

Depends on how much those people like evasive sarcasm and bad puns.

06. What’s their relationship to Bobby?

First serious relationship. First love.

First person to stab her in the back so thoroughly she almost had a nervous breakdown.

You know, because of the whole threat of being kicked from her grad program and having her undergrad degree stripped away, the ongoing investigations of academic fraud, plagiarism, and theft of her TA answer keys.

And then, when the evidence for all of it wasn't lining up Bobby's way, the personal smears, the weaponization of everything she'd ever told him in confidence, until finally—the cherry atop the whole shit sundae—his accusation that she'd abused her authority as a TA to coerce him into a relationship.

All of that from someone she once truly believed when he looked her in the eye and told her she mattered to him more than anything.

These days, she avoids Bobby as much as possible. Because she fucking loathes that little ratfuck piece of shit, yes, but mostly because she's legit worried that she'll eventually snap and break his jaw if he keeps calling her 'angel' and trying to put his fucking hands on her.

She'd have to fill out an awful lot of paperwork if she did that, after all.

07. What’s their relationship with their mom like? How did it change?

When she was kid, she understood her mom wasn't around because of Work. Very important Work. She also understood that Work was the reason why her mom would constantly get up to take phone calls in the middle of dinner, or when they were sitting and talking together, and sometimes those phone calls would make her mom leave right after, even if she just got home.

She didn't understand why all of that bothered her though, just that it hurt for some reason and it sometimes made her cry later in her room. And eventually, after years of it, she started calling every nanny that stuck around for long enough her 'mom' instead, then begged them not to leave her too.

When she was a teenager, she stopped crying and started yelling. Started pushing back. Started avoiding home every time she'd walk up her street after school to see the lights on and the car in the driveway. She'd spend the night a friend's house instead, rather than endure another evening of emotional whiplash and half-hearted interest in her life and the constant reminders that Rebecca would rather take a work call in the other room than spend time with her or listen to her.

Because those calls were more important than her and anything she had to offer.

She frequently wondered why Rebecca even bothered to have a kid, then always rationalized that her dad must have talked Rebecca into it because there was just no way otherwise. And quietly, that gave her a small amount of comfort. Because if he managed to pull off that amazing feat, then he must have also really wanted her and loved her before he died.

Right?

As an adult, she no longer wonders about any of that. No longer cries. No longer gets angry. And she already knows what the answer would be if she straight up asked Rebecca 'Would you change anything, if you had the opportunity to go back and do it all over?'

She's firmly accepted that she never mattered to Rebecca, not the way the job did, and that she never will.

A one time stint with rule breaking doesn't change anything about that.

And it doesn't even hurt much, accepting that truth, as long as nobody pokes at it too hard and she doesn't think about it very deeply and Rebecca doesn't try to push any of those performative 'loving mom' displays of affection on her.

08. Who is their Love Interest and why?

Mason.

Because someone needs to put that asshole in his place. If he's gonna fuck with her, then she's gonna fuck with him right back. And if he's gonna fuck with her then, um… w-well, she's still gonna fuck with him right back!

He can have pleasure with her if he wants, but he is not getting it from seeing her back down.

That said, she does genuinely like the bastard, if a little begrudgingly. Thinks he's fun. Cute. Cares about his well-being too. Wants him to be comfortable and happy. Worries often that he probably isn't, considering how hard it must be to live with such painfully heightened senses.

And after Bobby, Mason feels safe. Comforting, in a weird way. She knows and accepts that the only thing he wants from her is sex, that he doesn't give a shit about her at all outside the bedroom, and that he won't ever pretend to either.

That's such a huge relief, to not be jerked around by somebody saying one thing but doing another. To have someone be brutally honest for once about what she actually means to them.

And if he ever does show any hint of affection, well, then it's probably because he's starting to see her as a part of the team. Maybe. Or he's just fucking with her again to provoke a reaction. Probably that. In which case, watch out buddy.

Two can play at that game.

09. What do they think of the supernatural?

Really interested in figuring out how all of it works, more than anything. It's magic, but there still has to be some kind of underlying set of rules and a logic to it all, right? She's definitely asked Nate to get her a baby's first book of vampire basics too.

At the same time, however, her enthusiasm for it all remains somewhat dampened.

She knows there's another Murphy out there coming for her eventually. It's just a matter of time. And until he shows up, she has to assume that every new supernatural she encounters is him.

Maybe that's unfair, but so was the target Murphy carved across her back.

10. How well did they handle the reveal that the supernatural exists?

Well, she already knew Unit Bravo were a bunch of shady-ass weirdos hiding obvious secrets, but… vampires? Not exactly in her top one hundred guesses for what one of those secret might've been.

Still, whatever. Didn't phase her. If she believes alien life definitely exists somewhere, then why should vampires be that impossible? Especially when she witnessed evidence of their abilities firsthand.

Oh, and since Felix was being such a little shit in the hospital room trying to scare her about it, she demanded even more evidence from him. Asked him to come closer to her bed again. Closer. Even closer. Then she put her face right by his and told him to prove it, and gestured for him to show his fangs.

Once he did, obviously, she did her best to look as bored as possible while she tilted his face between her hands to examine them. Gave him a glib little thanks afterward, for showing her his 'vampire teeth.'

And added that they were a lot smaller than she expected.

11. Do they have any tattoos/piercings?

Just the standard single-hole piercings through each earlobe.

She mostly wears tiny studs. Geometric shapes. Stuff that can't be grabbed and pulled during a fight.

12. What is their highest (professional) stat and why?

Combat (70%)

Guess that kinda happens when exercise is her primary mode of stress relief, and her favorite way to exercise for almost half of her life now has been to train in some form of martial art.

Rebecca is the one who encouraged it, too. Signed her up for lessons and said that if she was gonna fight, then she better damn well make sure she's the one standing at the end next time.

13. What’s their opinion of the Mayor?

Who, Mayor Fartman? She has definitely never slipped that into a conversation while talking to him and pretended she didn't afterwards.

Nothing but respect for her mayor.

14. Do they get along with Tina and Verda?

Absolutely.

She's not as close to Verda as she is with Tina, but she really appreciates his sense of humor and his overall chill, caring vibe. He's a good dude. And she loves asking him questions about his work too. Even better when those questions spiral into long, scientific bullshit sessions that leave them both grinning at the end like the huge fucking nerds they are.

And Tina, well…

After she returned to Wayhaven, Tina was the one who got her back on her feet. Pulled her out of one of the worst places she's ever been emotionally. Kept her marching forward until she could stand on her own again. And did all of that for her, someone still practically a stranger to Tina at that point, without ever asking for anything in return, other than for her to start being a little kinder to herself about everything.

Tina's an amazing person. Her best friend. She loves her. Trusts her completely.

And is totally fuckin' ride or die for her.

15. What do they think of Unit Bravo? How has that changed throughout the story?

Once all the secretive bullshit and obvious lying stopped, she was fine with them as a group. Overall, thinks they're good people. Likable, even. Fun. And they're using their time and effort to help others, and that's something she greatly admires.

But she doesn't feel like part of their team. Their family. Doesn't see herself as anything more than a temporary stop for them on the way to wherever they're headed next.

Not because of anything they've done, just… she knows probability. Wrote her thesis on it.

And after Murphy, the blood—her blood—she doesn't give herself great odds for reaching thirty.

In the meantime, though:

Adam

Well, first off, he deserved to get shot. She fucking warned him. And what kind of asshole tries to dismiss someone pointing a firearm at them as a bluff?! Secondly, the sheer audacity of this man! Who the hell does he think he is?! Thirdly, he needs to chill the fuck out. Or she's gonna drop a goddamn ice cube down the back of his shirt. Fourth, okay—admittedly, that combined take down of Murphy was pretty cool. They at least work well together in a fight. Fifth, well…

Shit.

She actually, really, kind of… respects him. Gets him a little, too. Understands him, in a strange way she can't explain.

Maybe it's because they're both far more alike than either one of them would ever care to admit.

Even so, he still needs to get knocked on his ass every once and a while. To keep him humble. And she absolutely can't wait for the day she finally does it when they spar.

Nate

Nate has always been great. Considerate. Welcoming. Warm. Thoughtful. A whole host of other wonderful adjectives that would definitely make the world a better place if more people aspired to embody them the way he does.

Yet… whenever Nate aims any of that kindness her direction, it unnerves her. Probably as much as her tattered relationship with Rebecca unnerves him.

She believes he's genuine about his comments and compliments, even as she swerves around them. They're just… hard to hear. She doesn't know what to do with any of them. Or understand why he's giving them to her in the first place.

They barely know each other, so how can he say stuff like that? Especially so easily?

Felix

She's real glad that unsolicited, near-kiss of his turned out to be a fluke—because it would have sucked to miss out on a fellow troll who can match her beat for sarcastic beat.

Felix is more her speed, so to speak. She appreciates his approach, the heart wrapped in levity and laced with a bit of shit-stirring. The playfulness. The excitement. Though, sometimes the sheer chaotic energy fueling it all can be a bit overwhelming, even for her.

Still, his fumes are infectious, and she can already tell they're gonna be terrible enablers for each other.

Mason

Unsurprisingly, she likes him much better now that his jerk dial is turned to 'playful teasing' rather than 'unwarranted hostility,' though she's still not quite sure what changed to make that happen. Not sure how long it will last either, any of it. Either way, she has no expectations of him and their non-relationship, no secret hopes for feelings or a future.

She's just enjoying the banter, the amazing sex, and the fun moments as they come with him, until they don't come any more.

Pun completely intended.

16. Do they have any pets?

Do houseplants count? If so, she has an amazing kentia palm.

17. What are their hobbies?

Sparring, running, and weight training, primarily.

Yes, that probably makes her a total douchebag bro. And no, she doesn't skip leg day.

She also likes reading, knitting, gardening, feeding the neighborhood birds, playing strategy games, doing logic and word puzzles, examining systems of any kind to figure out how they work, and spending time outdoors enjoying all the gorgeous mountain scenery, lush wilderness, and dank weed BC has to offer.

So, you know, a well-rounded douchebag at least.

18. What do they think of Douglas?

She knows how much it fucking sucks and hurts to have a parent who obviously loves their job way more than their kid. She also remembers how annoying she was as a teenager. That said, those bits of sympathy and understanding are really the only things standing between her and complete exasperation with him.

Still, it's probably only a matter of time before she switches his phone language from English to something non-Romance, probably Arabic. Something that would be really difficult for him to switch back anyway.

And if that doesn't work, well, then the entire station is gonna bear witness to whether or not their paper shredder has enough muscle to chew through a cell phone.

19. What does their apartment look like?

Minimalist. White walls. Warm woods and leather. Clean lines with pops of color from textiles, house plants, and cut flowers. Not a lot of clutter or material possessions.

Very tidy, too. Bed always made. Dishes washed after use. Baseboards, corners, and door frames dust free.

Of course, the building she lives in is pretty old, so all of that sleek, immaculate minimalism is wrapped around some hideously dated interior design. Hello, puke green shower tile and baby pink countertops.

20. What is their personality?

Overall, pretty chill and content to live and let live, for the most part. Unless someone's being an asshole or a bully. In which case, she's very inclined to get up in their face about it, even if she has to stand on her toes to do so.

Once she does that, good luck. She's fucking tenacious. And stubborn as shit too, so she won't be the one backing down.

She would prefer to keep things relaxed, though. Playful. She likes banter. Sarcasm. Teasing and being teased. Laughing and making laugh. And she absolutely loves deploying and receiving truly awful puns, the more eye-watering and cringe-inducing, the better.

The humor is enjoyable enough on its own, but it also lets her be friendly while still keeping a buffer of emotional distance.

Because holy shit is she guarded.

It takes her a very, very, very long time to feel comfortable opening up to people. Or to let herself feel anything deeper for them beyond detached affection. Or to reach out and ask for help, even when she desperately needs it.

She's far more accustomed to being on her own, looking out for herself. And, luckily, she's resourceful and competent enough to make that work, most of the time. It helps having highly analytical mind geared toward problem solving.

Well, it helps when she's not using that mind to construct defensive rationalizations to keep people out. And when that mind isn't busy encouraging her curiosity to pry into things and people to figure out how they work.

Terrible habit, her nosiness. The probing. The eavesdropping. The occasional snooping. Just the worst, really, especially from someone so reluctant to share anything deep about herself.

Like the fact, beneath everything else, she just feels completely alone and about to drown in unending sadness.

But, hey, that stuff down there doesn't matter.

It really doesn't.

21. Their favourite/comfort food?

Fish empanadas with pebre. Ate a lot of those when she studied abroad in Chile, and that was probably the happiest year of her life.

She still makes pebre all the time, but the empanadas are actually something she would break her vegetarianism to eat again, if she ever got the chance.

22. Do they go to the bar or stay at the station?

Stayed in. Not a big fan of bars anymore.

23. Their gender/sexuality?

Cis woman. And, well… straight?

Not a whole lot of sexual experience to draw from there. And it's a bit late to figure out whether she likes girls or just thinking about girls, right? That's the kind of thing she was supposed to have sorted before she turned twenty-five, not let sit until she's almost thirty and finally ready to see people again and then expect some poor woman to hand-hold her awkward ass through it, all while she shies away from making any real, intimate connection, partially because the thought of ever making herself that emotionally vulnerable again makes her want to throw up in fear, but mostly because it would be incredibly unfair to date someone with the mountain of secrets she has to now keep and also when it seems like her goddamn life expectancy is a just big fucking question mark these days.

So, yes. Straight.

Sure.

24. How did they handle the fight with Murphy? Did they get bitten?

She jammed that DMB syringe right into that fucker's neck with one hand, while her other pressed against her own neck to stop the bleeding.

Then she kicked him a few times after he was down. Hissed curses at him while she asked him who was making idle threats now, motherfucker.

25. What do they usually wear? Has that changed?

Usually something form-fitting, flattering, and fairly subdued and minimalist in color and pattern. High-waisted jeans. High-necked blouses, sweaters, and soft, stylish t-shirts. Lacey crop tops and a gambler hat in the summer. Boots, slightly heeled and slightly pointed, all year round. Maybe some rings and a metal cuff if she's feeling fancy. Sunglasses if it's bright. All of it paired with either a black denim jacket, a black leather jacket, or long black trench coat that swooshes when she walks.

Overall, she definitely channels that cowboy witch vibe.