#GOD he is so perfect as Ezra truly

[armoralor]

Ezra's official Star Wars page has been updated (x)! The picture they went with is so fucking cute, he really does have the sweetest smile. The found family trope gets me every time, the heart of Star Wars will always be how friendship and love save the galaxy.

[readychilledwine]

Girl Dad Cass is a god send! Hahaha you should totally write a one shot of reader and Cass’ daughter and Nyx where they end up secretly dating but everyone finds out! Can you imagine the drama? Like they used to play in paint together, Cass helped raise Nyx, but obviously he’s still “not good enough” for Cassian’s little girl and then how offended Rhys would be at that

....Adriana is back so I could put her with the person I'd been originally planning.....

So Small

Summary - After finding Nyx and Adriana together, chaos ensues in the House of Wind

Warnings - implied smut, verbal fighting, some physical stuff because Illyrians, parents walking in on their kids doing things. (It's a reoccurring theme for Cassian. It's what him and reader get as far as Azriel is concerned.)

A/N - When I first wrote Daddy's Girl, I had intended for Adriana to be out on a date with Nyx, but opted against it for some reason. This I can make work, though. I also tried to fulfill two requests in one here for two of my anonies 💜

Adriana felt herself sinking against the front door of the House of Wind, a wide smile engraved on her face.

Tonight had been perfect. He had opened doors for her, paid for their drinks and dinner, he had asked her to dance. She'd been smitten with him since she was a little girl, but now this was different she knew it too. Maybe it was his eyes. Those blue eyes Adriana had found herself falling into since she turned 50 and finally understood what these feelings were.

They had gone beyond childhood infatuation, beyond teen attraction, beyond anything any book or novel had taught her or what she thought she understood from watching the countless stolen kisses and whispered words that occurred between her parents.

Adriana truly believed she was in love.

She stood, shrugging the leather jacket off and hanging it up before tiptoeing quietly towards the stairs. A light flickering on in the living room caught her eye, then the wings, then the spinning chair.

Her father sat illuminated in his full armor, all 7 siphons burning red, his hands folded gently into his lap as if he didn't know what to do with them. "Wherehabeyoubeen?"

The words were slurred together, causing Adriana to giggle. "Have you been drinking, daddy?"

Cassian scoffed as if the idea was insulting before throwing a glass filled with amber liquid over his shoulder, his face falling as it shattered. He cleared his throat, focusing harder, "I would never drink when my babygirl is missing. Where have you been?"

Adriana paused thinking of any excuse she could to hide her date from her over protective father as long as possible. "With Uncle Rhys and Nyx."

Another chair turned and another light illuminated her Uncle Rhys. His cheeks were kissed slightly red, his posture slouched and so casual Adriana thought she had to be dreaming. "Try again." He slurred out.

"Well Nyx was there. As was Ezra." Another chair turned, and Adriana could not longer hold in her laughter as Azriel turned in it, hiccuping heavily as he tried to remember his clearly rehearsed line.

"I forgot what I was supposed to say." Azriel's eyes were distant, hiccups and giggles falling from his mouth as they all snickered before he did a double take towards her, "but where you?"

Nyx, your father is at my house completely shit faced. She heard the heir sigh in her head. Bring Ezra.

She watched as Rhys slowly slid down his chair, lip pulled between her teeth as she tried not to laugh. "Daddy, how much did you three drink?"

She watched as her father looked between the three of them, trying to count on his fingers and blinking rapidly as if they were multiplying on him. "I only had one." His answer was definitive. "Azriel had… how much did you drink, Azzie?"

The shadowsinger went into another hiccup fit before laughter turned into sobered seriousness. Her uncle was playing along and had her breath stilling in her throat. "Addy, I know what you were doing, who you were with." She moved to Azriel, his hand gently taking hers as he blocked Cassian and Rhys from hearing their conversation. "He's a good choice, Adriana." His whispered words clenched at her heart. "I can't imagine a better match for you or him."

Ezra and Nyx appeared. Ezra shirtless and in his sweatpants, clearly having just woken up, further foiled the fake plan she had gone with. Rhys pointed at his nephew, "You were NOT at the concert."

Ezra looked at him, hazel eyes scrunching. "Cauldron boil me, we can't fucking move them out of this house. There's still guest rooms upstairs right?" Adriana nodded as Ezra took his father from her. "Come on dad, let's go lay down."

Azriel nodded, falling back into the act and allowing his son to support him up the stairs to his old bedroom.

Nyx took Rhysand next, "You too, pops. Let's go upstairs and get you some water, yeah?" The heir helped his father, throwing Adriana one last charming smile ans wink as he left her to the lone wolf sitting in a chair, eyes following her every move.

"Daddy, can I deactivate your siphons?" Cassian grunted holding his hands out for her. She pressed the glowing red stones lightly, preparing to step back, only to be yanked into his lap. "Daddy, we can go snuggle in my room."

"Right here is fine." He had his nose buried in her hair. His normal scent of fire and winter air was mixed with the heavy scent of expensive dry aged whiskey and deep wines. "Tell me about your date, nugget."

Adriana froze, leaning back to stare into his eyes. Despite his drunkenness they radiated love, adoration, and almost worship for her. They were the windows into her father's soul, screaming his every emotion to her. The worry, the pain of losing his daughter, the joy in her finally exploring the world.

"I really like him, daddy." Cassian nodded. His hand rubbing his face. "He was good and kind. He held doors open, bought everything, asked me questions about myself." She felt the first sob before the tears actually came and her father buried himself into her shoulder. "Daddy, whats wrong?"

Cassian held tight to her dress, crying into his daughter's shoulder as emotion overwhelmed him. He knew it was the intoxication, and mentally noted in the sober part of his mind to give himself some grace. "I'm just not ready, baby. Your brothers are hardly home anymore, and now you think you can just run around and and date males? I'm old. How am I supposed to handle this."

Adriana smiled thinking of Asher and Flynn up at Windhaven. "Your sons are currently the joint lords of one of the most respected Illyrian Camps. Both with wonderful wives." She brushed his long dark hair from his sweaty forehead. "They're literally coming home for a two week visit tomorrow. And visit almost monthly." She kissed his forehead, watching as his eyes shut and his shoulder relaxed, wings coming to wrap around them.

"I think I'm allowed to date because I am a grown female," Cassian shook his head.

"My baby. You're my baby."

"And I'll always be your baby, daddy." Her tone was gentle but firm, reminding him instantly of her mother. "I will always be your little girl, dad. I just want what you and mom have."

"Does he give you that?" Cassian's voice was almost suddenly sober. "Does he give you those butterflies when he says your name? Does he make your finger and toes feel tingly when he holds your hand?"

Adriana nodded. "Then I can't exactly be mad when you tell me that and I see those stars sparkling in your eyes, can I?" Her brought her head into his shoulder and neck. "How can I say no when you look the happiest I've ever seen you?"

"It'd be pretty rude to, honestly." Cassian hummed. His large hand holding her smaller one, allowing her to feel every scar and callous from years of training to create this beautiful period of peace she was raised in. "I love you, daddy."

"And Gods, I love you," his voice broke again with tears. "I love you so fucking much, baby."

-

3 months later

They got too comfortable. After months of Ezra, Micha, and a few other friends covering for them, they got sloppy.

Nyx had been coming over to bring Adriana paperwork, that was it. She had a few reports he needed to get to his dad as soon as possible, but how could he have said no when he found her alone in an empty home, naked as the day she was born in her room.

It was worth it, he kept telling himself as Cassian kicked him back to the ground. Worth every second. She was worth every second.

"You fucking helped raise her! How long have you been grooming her?! How long have you been taking advantage of her?"

A fist found the side of Nyx's jaw and he caved, calling out for his father and mother. Pleading with Ezra and Azriel to come. His Aunt was trying to hold Cassian back. Screaming at him to stop. Screaming for him to just talk to Nyx and Adriana. Nyx's eyes flicked to where his mate was, the shadow wraith twins holding her tightly as she begged for Cassian to stop.

Shadows and darkness grabbed Cassian, ripping him away from Nyx and allowing soft hands to hold him. "What the fuck is happening here?" His father's loud voice was laced with anger and fury.

It didn't take the shadowsinger long to put two and two together. Adriana's hair was a mess, a soft satin robe tied tight against her body. Nyx was in boxers, the faint outlines of crescent moon shaped wounds in his back and shoulders. "Nyx and Adriana finally got caught." Several eyes shot to him, and he shrugged. "They weren't that sneaky."

Ezra's jaw tightened as he grabbed the dress his own shadows brought him before going to Adriana and covering her in them to allow her to put clothing on. "Just tell them Nyx, cat is out of the bag already."

The heir was holding his jaw, reaching deeply inside himself to prevent from lashing out against Cassian the way his blood was pounding for him to. "She's my mate. We've been dating for close to 7 months now and hid it for this exact reason." Nyx winched as Rhysand came to him, checking the forming bruise.

"I never once tried to touch her when she was a child. I never once told her she couldn't see anyone else. She's been on countless dates with a few other High Lords sons, with a few illyrians from Windhaven, and a random shopkeeper. I never interfered or stopped her."

Cassian growled loudly, about to hit his nephew again until Azriel and y/n held him back. "I have watched what you do to females, Nyx. That's not happening. Not my daughter."

Rhys shot Cassian a look. "What my son has done? You mean following our mutual shit advice and enjoying his youth?"

Adriana felt her world shifting and falling apart, your words were ignored as Rhys and Cassian began to argue again. Her heart was in her throat as she started to cry. Ezra tucked her into him tightly, hand lacing into her locks as he tried to calm her down. "Daddy, I love him," she felt warmth down the bond as Nyx sent a silent I love you back to her.

"I never strung females along the way he has, Rhys," the general growled. "I'm not allowing that to date my girl." Rhys clicked his tongue, finger pointing at Cassian.

You gave the two of them a look before looking between your two child, sympathy etched deep into your features. "Let's all just go sit down and talk about this."

"And he's not good enough. He's going to use you just like he did every female before you."

It was Rhysand's turn then. He jumped Cassian without warning, fists flying as he lost himself and his composure. You went to try to pull them apart, only to have Feyre jump you, thinking you were about to help Cassian.

Hell had broken loose in that moment. You were not combat trained. You were a scholar, a Librarian who spent her days reading and researching ancient civilizations and languages for your High Lord. You could hardly defend yourself against the high lady, just begging her stop, telling her you were trying to stop the fight. Azriel was moving first, but ended up getting tangled into the fight with Cassian and Rhys.

Nyx was immediate to grab his mother, ripping her off of you and staring at her as if she was insane. He knew better than to stop between his father and Cassian. Blood had been drawn between the two. Fists were being thrown at a speed he couldn't even comprehend. He left them to Azriel, Ezra, and their shadows as he knelt down beside his crying aunt. "Mom, you need to go get Madja." His aunt was covered in her own blood, shaking. "Mom, I'm not asking. I am telling you. Go get Madja now."

"Dad, she's hurt, bad." The sentence had Rhys and Cassian stopping mid strike, their shirts both held in one fist. Rhys took one look at you and froze, his hand dropped from Cassian. They had been so caught in their own fight they had not even heard you and Feyre begin to. Cassian's hand dropped from Rhys as he ran to you, cradling you against his chest as you whimpered.

His father's attack was understandable, justified even by Illyrian standards. His mother's attack had been to hurt Cassian to make Cassian feel as low as his parents were right now. It wasn't understandable, nor justified. It went against every lesson Nyx, Ezra, and Adriana had ever been taught. Never harm the priestesses. Never harm the scholars.

"Get out of my house." He demanded. "Take your fucking son and get out of my home." It could have all been forgiven, it could have all been talked out, but this was a line. A crossed, now broken, line Rhysand and Azriel did not know if Feyre or Rhys could fix. "We'll be moved out and into Windhaven by the end of the week. Get the fuck out of my house.. Now."

Adriana had moved from Ezra's protection to her mother, comforting her softly as she began to assess the wounds. "Ezra," Nyx flinched as his mate called for their friend instead of him. "I need water and a few rags please."

The younger shadowsinger moved without hesitation and was back all in time for Rhys and Cassian to begin another verbal spar.

"It was instinct to protect her mate, Cassian, she didn't mean to." Cassian shook his head, holding his wife closer to him.

Azriel looked a Rhys and then down at you and Cassian and instantly moved to help Adriana clean and assess your wounds.

Your lip was split open, jaw bruised, eye bruised. Feyre had not pulled a single punch.

"You think this is justified? I walk in on your son fucking my daughter. I saw red, Rhys. I fought another male who has gone through extensive training." He paused. "I made a comment in anger I shouldn't have and was going to let you beat the shit out of me because I deserved that and I am trained." His finger ran the length of your bloodied lip. "My wife has no training. She's a priestess who claimed sanctuary in the House of Wind and now her high lady has violated that safety."

"Cassian, I'm sorry." Rhysand was pleading. "Let me heal her. Please. Let me heal her and we can all talk about this."

Nyx shook his head at his dad. "We can't fix this," he muttered. "Not right now. It's too fresh."

Rhys disagreed, moving slowly to kneel down next to you. It was a dangerous game. Cassian was always protective of you, even before the bond snapped and you accepted it. He had found you naked, beaten, and covered in the blood of other females in an Illyrian temple. A story all too familiar to them with Azriel's own wife. Unlike the ferocious redhead, though, you had found comfort in the quiet.

Cassian had begun courting you around the same time Azriel had Gwyn. Cassian had found it much harder. You were a gentle being who appreciated the little things, Cassian was a warrior known for grand and dramatic gestures. Oil and fire, they all had joked. But even now, you two and the love you shared burned so brightly it seemed to be a beacon of hope to all around you.

Rhys held eye contact with him, pressing a hand gently to your face. He healed you while maintaining that contact with Cassian, eyes pleading. "Please do not take my son's mate away from him because mine made an unforgivable error. If you never speak to Feyre and I again," Rhysand's throat tightened at the thought alone, "I will understand, but please. Do not make them part ways over this."

Cassian's jaw twitched as Rhys sent him the memories of he and Azriel holding the high lord when Feyre was trapped in Spring and again after Tamlin had taken her in Hybern. "Please do not make him experience the pain I did."

"Ezra, can you take y/n to our room please." Cassian would not look at them. "Nyx there's spare leathers in the shed if you want to borrow some so we can all talk."

-

The conversation had moved to the living room. Adriana tucked tight into Cassian's side as they waited for Madja to come back down. Ezra was pacing the fireplace area. Azriel was in a chair between Rhys and Cassian. Nyx was sat next to his father.

Feyre had left immediately upon her return with Madja, crying as she fully realized the extent of what she had done. She knew she needed to allow her husband to handle his brother and this situation before she could apologize.

"What if-"

"Don't," Cassian stopped Adriana gently. "Don't think that or put it into the air, little one. Positive thoughts only." He kissed her head, refusing to continue the discussion of Feyre's actions until Madja came back.

The old healer appeared downstairs and motioned for Cassian to join her in another room. Adriana folding in on herself, heavy sobs shaking her body as her wings tucked in tight against her frame.

Nyx moved to her instantly. "Adriana, what's going on?"

Adriana shook her head. She knew her mother still had nightmares about her attack, nightmares that kept her father up late into the night. Nightmares that had been gone for a little over a month now, and this may trigger.

Cassian moved back into the room, thanking Madja as she went back up the steps and to your side. He nodded to Adriana, taking a different seat to allow Nyx to continue to comfort her.

Cassian knew what he needed to do, putting a hand on the heir's knee and waiting for him to look at him. When his blue eyes finally did, Cassian spoke. "I am sorry I put my hands on you in anger and said cruel things about you and to you." Nyx felt his lip tremble slightly. "I am sorry, Nyx. I was in shock. I was angry because I didn't even know she's had sex before. I thought that you were-" Cassian shook his head. "There's no excuse for what I said or did. I just hope you can find it in your heart and mind to forgive me someday."

Nyx threw himself into his uncle's arms. "I already forgive you. I promise her first time was special. I promise I treated her well."

"I know you did," Cassian confirmed. "I know you love her. I can see it. I've been able to for a while. Just, please stop hiding things from me when it comes to my daughter." Nyx nodded. "I won't take her away. I promise, Nyxie. Ezra would also kill me."

The young shadowsinger nodded. "I would try. Your old ass is still pretty spunky, though."

Nyx moved back to his spot, allowing Cassian to move to Adriana. "No more lying," he said firmly. "No more hiding anything from us. We raised you in an open and supportive household. We allowed you to make decisions based on your judgements and supported you as long as what you did wouldn't cause harm to anyone else. I raised you better than to keep lies and secrets from your mother and I. Agreed?"

Adriana nodded. "I'm sorry, daddy."

"I know you are, angel. It's okay."

You came down the stairs with Madja. Walking the healer to the door, you stopped as you saw Feyre sitting on the steps. You grabbed her hand gently, pulling her into the living room where your families all sat.

"Are we all actually surprised by this?" You finally asked. "Or are we just trying to continue to deny something that clearly has been existing since Adriana figured out she likes males?"

The room went into laughter. You moved to Nyx, kissing his forehead. "You are so much more than we could have ever asked for, Nyx. I am so sorry this was the response you got." Adriana had moved to Rhysand and Feyre's open arms while you and Cassian paid attention to their oldest son.

"It's my fault too," he closed his eyes, enjoying your hands running through his short hair. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have encouraged her to hide it until we were sure."

"And you are sure now?" You asked holding eye contact with Nyx.

He nodded. Conjuring a small black box and showing Cassian who hid it using his wing. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

You kissed his forehead again, tears welling in your eyes, "Then this is the perfect happy ending."

"No," Cassian spoke softly, watching as Rhysand held Adriana's face in his hands, his forehead resting against hers as they spoke with her about shadowing Feyre for a month. Rhysands thumbs were stroking his daughter's cheeks as she nodded, tears in his and Feyre's eyes. "This is the perfect beginning."

[nonhumanhottie]

Rebels season 4 rewatch

Famly reunion - and farewell

oh i am about to get fucked up i know it

Hera listening to Ezra talking to his parents and being proud of her boy

Pryce being absolutely disgusted by Kallus's defection is so iconic

Ezra whistling for his pet wolf to eat up Pryce lmao

ugh Ezra already has hos backup plan ready

Look at Kallus in his little imperial desguise and neat hair

Hondo is perfect please please let him be in the ahsoka show

Thrawn really called Pryce a dumb bitch lmao

Ryder's fucking Yularen accent I'm screaming

Thrawn really thinks he's doing something by waxing poetic to a teenager

Hera can't lose Ezra too oh my god she'll do anything to protect him

Sabine letting Ezra go!!

The old temple guard mask in Thrawn's office... that Kanan also wore when he was blinded... interesting

It's clever of Palps to know Ezra is too young to know what he used to look like

Mart confirming Ezra's vision--ezra is such a brave boy!

Love how Kallus is still strictly on last name basis with the gang

Again Rebels incoperation of Palps just blows the rise of skywalker out of the water lmaooo

for real though how did they move the temple

Mira calling Ezra the way Beru does to Luke messes me up

Zeb is truly an agent of chaos--so much so that it even makes Gregor shook

Ezra breaks my fucking heart he is so strong and so loving what a hero

the hologram of palps flashing from Sheev to the emperor ugh inspired iconic

the way the specres aren't afraid to talk mad shit to thrawn lmao

Hondo is such a softie i live for him

Gregor getting to fight for a cause he chose!! shut up!

Pellaeon!! Purrgil!! Oh baby!!

literally cannot stop grinning

the many arms the cold embrace oh thrawn you are fucked

I wonder if Ezra and Thrawn became besties in their many years together

ezra noooo you brave boy Hera is absolutely aghast

god Ezra i can't wait to see you again

i do like how this shows the empire doesn't take back lothal and their resolve is already cracking it lays a nice path for what we see in the original trilogy

okay but Mart trying to see behind Kallus and Zeb made me laugh

Lothal looks like the emerald city lmao

'the emperor's rein of terror came to an end' oh bitch oh bITCH

the homoerotic act of bringing your former enemy and now bestie to your new homeworld

Jacen fuck the haters I love your hair and I like to imagine he, poe dameron and ben solo were all besties who argued which parent was the best pilot

oh you btiches i cannot wait to see you in he Ahsoka show

this is the best star wars media and you cannot convince me otherwise

[oonajaeadira]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Did I see you mention tech week? I've never done more than amateur theater but there is definitely a unique creeping dread that comes with tech week. It'll come together. Shows nearly always do. Anyway, on to some Pedros.

Here is a sweet man to watch Labyrinth with.

Here is a soft oddball with more money that good sense who just wants to be your body pillow.

And then there's this fella

He'll use those big puppy eyes to convince you to relax, to let him take care of you for a spell. Whatever that entails.

I wish I could hug you via ask box. You've got this.

Oh my gods, what wonderful treats, thank you.

The thought of using Nico for a body pillow did make me stop and stare at the wall for a little bit. Solid. Broad. Warm. Mansplaining amazing travel destinations at me. Absently running his fingers over the same spot over and over until it's a little bit annoying... I bet he smells nice.

And why have I never thought about watching Labyrinth with Javi??? Or any Henson film? Bobbing his head along to the songs and singing half the words wrong... oh, sweet Javi. Lookit how cute he is.

I would gladly let Ezra manipulate me into feeling better. Even if I can see through his tricks, I would just let him have the victory. Everybody wins.

I really needed this kind of care. Thank you.

It is tech week, but it's not so much stressful as it is tedious--there are no breaks and I'm just working and teching and sleeping. I just want my time back to myself. And now that the migraine is fading, the rest of the week should be better. Nothing is truly going to plan, but I am usually pretty good at building shows that embrace imperfection, that highlight it and make it pretty, that invites the audience to celebrate the humanity of the actors, so if anything goes awry, you make it a part of the show. Kind of like a human kintsugi. Foolproof, magical accidents, and even more beautiful for its flaws. Takes the stress out of the alternative which is striving for perfection. Pffft. No art is ever perfect. Perfect art is boring art. Be human and make the audience fall in love with you.

Anyway.

Not long now.

[zoeydoe]

10 Letters to Mom - Mischa angst

Mischa is instructed to write letters to his mother as if she were still alive to cope with losing her. He doesn’t write often, but the letters convey a lot.

Letters from Mischa Bachinski to his late mom, translated from his slightly broken English by Ezra Lamb, St. Cassian’s student, in memory of the boy, lost to the September 14th accident.

Letter 1: Dated September 9th, 2008

Dear mom, 

The counselor says I should write to someone I love to practice my English. And so, I am writing to you. Perhaps I will burn these letters by firelight, in hopes the smoke will travel up to you. 

Canada is not as nice as I thought it would be. Classes are terrible. In maths I have to sit between a snotty ginger and a strange poet boy. It makes no sense, how all of these people exist together in this tiny town. Home is no better. I do not think Chris and Carly like me that much. No, I will not call them mom and dad. 

I still miss you. Part of me still yearns to be a helpless boy again, still in your arms. 

I miss you. 

Love, your son, 

Mischa

Letter 2: Dated October 24th, 2008

Mom, 

I was suspended. I’m so sorry. I promised you I would be your good son, your small boy always. But I got angry. I was spiteful, and I wanted a drink, a drink always makes things better. And I only knew one way to get one. 

I know you said that churches are sacred and not to be crossed, but I heard the ginger from maths say she knew the pastor, knew where the communion wine was kept. I milked every last bit of information from her, promising to join her stupid choir. It doesn’t matter, I need the alcohol. 

3 whole boxes I stole before she ratted me out to Father Markus. 

I drank it all in one night. And the next morning, Saturday, as I lay there, hungover in the basement, I wondered how I was ever going to make my life worth it for you. I still do not know.

I’m sorry, mom. 

Love, Mischa

Letter 3: Dated November 17th, 2008

Mother, 

I have a new hobby. I think you’d be proud—I am learning to sing. Not opera, or the god-awful jazz that poet boy listens to during study hall, no, this is the good stuff. Real, bonerfied rap music. (note: I know it’s supposed to say bonified, but Mischa would think boner-fied is hilarious, may he rest in peace —Ezra)

I even created a channel on this thing called the YouTube—it is called “Bad Egg” because it is an egg, that is bad. Bad is a good thing, it means cool, or that is what the football boys think. Maybe this new thing will turn out well. I am raging, mother, for you and for Ukraine. And when I rage, I rap about money in autotune. 

I will inspire the world. My life will have meaning once again. 

Love, Mischa

Letter 4: Dated December 30th, 2008

Mom! 

I have got the biggest, greatest news. I have found LOVE! Me, your silly boy, your little child that you raised all by yourself, is engaged!

Ever since my YouTube channel was born, a certain beautiful woman has been leaving kind comments on my YouTube comments wall. Her name is Natalia, and last night she had the courage to message me. She announced her love for me over the internet, and it is a truly beautiful thing. She even sent me picures, and she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever met. 

I wish that you could have lived long enough to meet my perfect Talia, for when I look into her almond eyes, I do not see the boy I am, but the man I must become to possess her. I am growing up, mama, but I promise I will always be here, and that you will always be in my heart.

Love, Mischa

Letter 5: Dated January 31st, 2009

Dear mom, 

I want to tell you about choir. 

Most of the school is scared of me, they think I am some bad boy who lives in the woods. But the choir seems to just have it out for me. Annoying ginger is the leader: she is stuck-up, and a real pain in my you know what. Her real name is Ocean, which I suppose fits, because she is salty and rough and probably drowns people. Poet boy is there too, his name is Noel, and he is the least insufferable of the group. He is gay, which is fine, but funny because if he were a girl, he would so be my type. He is nice, but odd. Then there is a boy named Ricky. This month, Ocean decided she needed to prove that choir was accessable for all, so she got boy who cannot speak to join. I never know what he is thinking. He is scary. Last, there is Constance. Sometimes she cries in the corner when she thinks the others do not see. I see. I wonder if she is okay. I hope she knows I am not okay. I hope she knows she is not lonely. 

I thought choir was going to be the bane of my existance. But…I think it has grown on me. 

I miss you. I love you. 

Love, Mischa

Letter 6: Dated March 6th, 2009

Hello mom, 

Yesterday was Noel’s birthday, so Constance brought in cupcakes for everyone. They were red velvet, and very tasty, much better than Carly’s cooking. Carly is no replacement mother, and her basement has cockroaches. I sleep with the roaches. Perhaps I will name them.

I continue to make videos, and to make love with Talia when I can. I hope I get to meet her some day. In fact, I know I will. Mom, I want to come back to Ukraine. I will meet Talia, and we will love each other in person. 

Tomorrow, we are singing at a local soccer game. We are singing some song that Father Markus wrote for us. I do not want to be on stage. I guess I will have to get comfortable with it. 

It‘s getting late, almost time to meet Talia. I love you mom.

Your son, Mischa.

Letter 7: Dated May 15th, 2009

Mom, I have a dilemma. 

Please, tell me you wouldn’t be upset if I told you that I think maybe I like boys?

Last night, Ocean hosted a choir get-together at her place. It was small and cramped. She and Constance ended up sharing the sofa, Ricky took the armchair, leaving myself and Noel on a blow-up air mattresss. I tried so, so hard to give him space, but I’m not a small guy, and somehow we ended up nestled together under the blankets, somehow I ended up lost in his eyes and staring at his lips-

It felt like betrayal. Like if Talia knew, she would have my head. She wants me to be loyal.

But how can I be loyal when Noel watches me with those stupid baby cow eyes? How can I stay at her side when Noel is right there?

It’s so confusing, mom.

-Mischa

Letter 8: Dated June 19th, 2009

School is finally out, mom. I spend every day scrambling for ways to make a quick buck so I can buy cheap vodka. It’s a bad habit, but hard to kick. I wish I could kick it, I do…

But instead, I beat a kid for a 20 dollar bill from his enemy, sold the foster folks’ antique china, and now am in even more heat with them. They cry at my presence and shoo me away like fly.

I do not mind. At least I do not have to go to school and see Noel and his stupid sparkly eyes and his stupid beautiful face. I will spend this summer with Talia, like I’m supposed to.

Letter 9: Dated August 18th, 2009

It is my birthday. I woke up to a box of cupcakes sitting on the floor above the basement stairs. Carly says they were left for me by the Blackwoods. I opened the box, and they were chocolate with vanilla icing, but found strawberry jam in the center when I bit in, a pleasant surprise. There was also a note. It said “happy birthday Mischa! Love Constance, Ricky, Ocean and Noel”

I smiled when I saw it. I hated being in the choir, but it might just be one of the better parts of my life now.

I am 18 now, and that means I can do lots of things. Hopefully one of those is coming back to Ukraine. I miss home, I miss home, I miss home.

I do want to see Talia, but part of me wants to bring Noel home with me. You’d love him, mama.

Your son (now an adult), 

Mischa

Letter 10: Dated September 14th, 2009

Mom, 

This letter will not be too long, because I am singing with the choir at the Fall Fair this afternoon. It is 6:00 am and I am scrawling some quick words across this paper. Tonight I will tell Noel how I feel. I will tell him I love him and that I have eyes for him. I will tell him soon.

Tomorrow, I will write again and tell you how it goes. 

I can’t wait to have him in my arms, mom.

Your son, 

Mischa

[vitalphenomena]

PLAYLIST DIRECTORY

CHARACTERS

alessandra baresi — you gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me

alex haven — and mostly i can't even tell what i'm running from.

beck boy — beck boy

burns harris — MY BROTHER'S BLOOD

cain glass — i need you to pencil in the rest.

cass hwang — i'm the fucking florist

cullen glass — sins of the father

davy nichols — forgiveness in the weeds

esther thomas — esther thomas

graham sinclair — i'm truly alone and i like it.

harris harris — WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR????; sorrow's native son @jupiter3

juniper harris — me & my dog & an impossible view; only with grace @jupiter3

kieran glass — he is a bad bad boy

mackenzie knight — if a god is a god and a man is a fraud then imma lost cause ;)

maryanne barkan — maryanne barkan

phoebe nichols — i'm ready to try

spirit harris — songs for crazy crazy little girls; i just keep losing

ROMANTIC SHIPS

amelia hartmann & theo haven @bluedprints — you're so perfect baby were you made for me? @bluedprints

alex haven and ridley bragin @withbeasts — i'll see you in everything, tomorrow and all the time

andrew bragin @withbeasts & spirit harris — the good that he saw; he loves her he can't love her love her

beck boy & francis funke @freekzout — bf @freekzout

beck boy & houston morin @jupiter3 — A Good Thing @jupiter3

boris pavlikovsky @jupiter3 & rifat hordiyenko @corsey & spirit harris — c'mere tough guy

cassius bairn @bluedprints & spirit harris — biting you biting you biting you

cassius bairn @bluedprints & cass hwang — c4c

cullen glass & jane monday @bluedprints — I WANNA BE UR DOG

daniel romano @despiterage & spirit harris — Daniel & Spirit (red is their color.) @despiterage; baby if it feels good then it can't be bad

deborah baresi @corsey & richard hayes — every man needs a companion

deco lakatos @corsey & spirit harris — i wanna feel the way that others do

elijah knight & henry sinclair @bluedprints — why, god of elijah?

ezra haven & spirit harris — i will mold myself just for you.; ezra is a vampire

feyd-rautha harkonnen & spirit harris — she's illiterate about him.

frenchie @gingerspiice & spirit — like a pornographic puzzle

flynn nichols @jupiter3 & spirit harris — flynnspirit but it's just mitski songs @jupiter3; feeding you my cake (eating it too) @jupiter3; pressfspirit; what would you do if i made a flynnspirit playlist in 2022

gabriela glass & tuesday nolan @jupiter3 — she's so hard to erase!!

gary baker @corsey & spirit harris — I KNOW YOUR EYES CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME :(

george nichols @jupiter3 & spirit harris — i'm not yours to lose., all our friends are laughing at us

houston morin @jupiter3 & spirit harris — i go back to that house sometimes (hoping i'll run into you.); even pretending to ourselves @jupiter3

isla maddix & theo haven @bluedprints — theo and isla's extraordinary cali adventure

[EXTRA SPECIAL PLAYLIST MOST IMPORTANT BEST ONE] juniper harris & phi.l couls.on @tahitiwoke — THIS IS MY SHOW

[mixtape by] juniper harris & [for] tao song @despiterage — j mix for t

juniper harris & rudy boy — don't you hear me howling babe

[redacted] @jupiter3 & spirit harris — why do you do this if it's so goddamn demeaning?

mackenzie knight & elfgar mason @corsey — the gentler side of mankind's death wish

mackenzie knight & mr. johnson @alulars — all night you're talking to god

marcus dunham @despiterage & spirit harris — you were playing for keeps; Marcus & Spirit @despiterage

[redacted] @flmed & spirit harris — sex money feelings die

norah levy @bluedprints & rachel knight — my cannibal queen <3

[space] pneuma johns @plebcourt and spirit harris — space squire 4 space squire @plebcourt

reaper @dxsole & spirit harris — she sought death in a queen-sized bed

rifat hordiyenko @corsey & spirit harris — the misanthropes next door are probably conceiving a daemon!; they should NOT be at the club @corsey

sasha chasnik @midcenturies & spirit harris — you crazy girl

spirit harris & trevor quinn @bluedprints — for nothing but to deserve you

spirit harris & u. swift @diicktective — do u want to fuck like u know that i do?

spirit harris & victo.r zsa.sz @dogtccth — TEAR YOU TO PIECES AND RIP YOU APART.

spirit harris & whitmer breslin @jupiter3 — in our bedroom

OTHER DYNAMICS

george nichols @jupiter3 & harris harris — [redacted]? [redacted]

haven family — i'll get it right sometime @bluedprints

flynn nichols @jupiter3 & juniper harris & spirit harris — they're gonna have a baby!!!!

juniper harris & harris harris — this isn't love

harris harris & spirit harris — get over it, kiddo.

burns, harris, juniper, lila, & spirit harris — how much worse can it get?; my hatred turned to pity; my resentment blossomed flowers

stevie danvers @wristful & spirit harris — I STARTED USING AGAIN

beck boy, fern @withbeasts, lake @holyrots, rudy boy @bluedprints, saya @corsey, valen — it's us against the world collab

burger kink (isla maddix & hazel kumari @jupiter3 & connor takeda @bluedprints) — BURGER KINK collab

members of kieran glass's cult — it is horrible and it is beautiful.

josephine lewis @ruinaa & kieran glass — i just want to go home

ARCS

second generation @bluedprints @holyrots @jupiter3 @rekant — i'll never have friends like these again!

post-glass @bluedprints — glass is dead. @bluedprints

We Are Killing Ezra Haven @bluedprints — cullen glass is not a violent man

vampire au — MID-CENTURY VAMPIRES, 21ST CENTURY VAMPIRES

royal/fantasy au — CROWNS AND SHIT

[breezysdungeon]

A Dream Definitely Shared

Note:

My friend originally wrote this from Cazmier's POV and I said I would write an Ezra POV so that's this. The title of the short story is a reference to that. So THANKS MIKEY FOR WRITING MOST OF THE DIALOG.

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I tend to not show up to my mother’s parties. I am considered to be less charismatic than the average person and far from a bardic inspiration. This night however the orchestra strums the most melodic music they could. It’s a tune perfectly structured for the most romantic of romantics.  I navigated the bustling ballroom with my usual ease. The glittering gowns and pressed suits cloud my vision as I scan the dreamlike environment. I nervously touch the broche attached to my chest searching for my one and only dance partner. I knew that he'd be here somewhere and I would only bear this dream if he was here too.

Finally as I look towards the end of the room I see his handsome figure come into view. Cazmier looks as nervous as he always does. His suit seems far more fitted than usual due to his recent change in physique. Not that would make him look any less perfect. I approached him as I always do. He stands in a bit of awe at my appearance. Cazmier is flushed, red as a tomato, staring at me. 

“Hi, Ezra. Wha-What’s going on?” He sputters out as he nervously covers his face.

I smile at him. Cazmier is so cute when he gets like this. I don’t often indulge in teasing him but this is a very special occasion. 

I move a bit closer, “I'm glad you're finally here. I had to search for a bit and I was getting worried you wouldn't be here this time.” I say softly looking up at him.

The red shade of his face deepens as Cazmier searches for his words. "I mean... Why would you be concerned if I wasn't here? This place is amazing. I'm sure you could have a great time without me. I-"

I cut him off quickly trying to dispel his concerns, "I can only truly enjoy these events when I'm with you, Cazmier. The only time I want to be in this environment is with you."

It’s the truth I wouldn’t be able to stand being here without him.

He seems captivated by me and distracted. Cazmier tends to get lost in thought when he overthinks. He mutters unconsciously, “I feel the same way.”

“What was that?” I whisper leaning in closer.

“Nothing, I was just talking to myself.” Cazmier quickly replies.

The smirk on my face grows wider as I chuckle, “I heard what you said. I just want to hear you say it again.” I move to stand in front of him trying to get him to look at me more directly. I just wish he’d be more honest with me, not that this isn’t cute either.

“I feel the same way. I want to be with you... IN THIS SCENARIO, I MEAN!” Cazmier states panicky and then covers his mouth in embarrassment.

I go back to his side. I can barely control the smile on my face as I reply “I'm glad we share the same opinion then.”

He doesn’t say anything back, just stews in his own flusteredness. I try to wait hoping he’d ask to dance as usual but Cazmier doesn’t.

I hum in playful annoyance “So, are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to ask me to dance?”

Cazmier seems to almost choke for a moment before composing himself a bit more. He extends his hand “May I have this dance?”

Finally. I think as I take his hand and pull him in closer. I lean in to whisper, “I thought you’d never ask.”

Despite him being the one to ask, I still take the lead in the dance. Cazmier always looked so handsome in this dreamlike state but he appears differently now. His eyes catch the light just right staring at me with such warmth and love. His features are defined and look expertly sculpted by renowned artists. It’s as if the gods created this being to hold the purest and most divine light within him. Cazmier’s touch is nervous yet wanting. He looks away each time I catch his gaze which disappoints me a bit. If I was damned to stare at one thing for eternity the privilege of looking upon him would not be a punishment.

I reach up and push his face gently to look at me again. “Am I making you nervous, Cazmier?” I ask.

‘NO! No, it's not you.” He stammers, “I think it's probably just the crowd. Yeah, that must be it.”

I grin and lean in a bit closer, “Should we find a quieter place then?”

I take his hand and guide him outside into the gardens. I choose the maze as a good place of seclusion as potential following onlookers would get lost inside. I pull us through the twists and turns of the maze. I can feel his hand grip me tightly as if he’s afraid I’ll let go and disappear any moment. I won’t of course, I would never do that to him. I find the center easily and find a bench for us to rest on.

“Here’s a good spot.” I sit down and gesture for him to follow, “Come, sit with me.”

“No, no. I’m fine standing, honest.” Cazmier hesitantly replies.

He seemed a bit disoriented and nervous. “Are you scared to sit with me?” I say trying to play up a slightly offended tone. “I’m hurt.”

That’s all it takes for him to sit however he keeps a distance. Cazmier seems to be treating me as some sort of dangerous temptation. Just like a child desperately trying to look away from the toy shop windows. I don’t let it last long and scoot over closing the gap.

Still looking away from me he awkwardly breaks the short silence “So, um, how about that dance? That was great, right?”

I lightly caress his arm as I reply “Yeah, you looked great back there. Your dancing was nice too, but I could tell you were a little lost in thought.”

Cazmier eyes me with slight panic flashing in his eyes.

“I didn't think this gown would be that distracting for you.” I tease.

“No, it's not distracting.” He states defensively, “The dress is striking and looks really dazzling on you.”

With that small admission I take my chance. I press myself up against him, removing the little space left between us. I lean in as close I can get to his ear so he can hear every syllable. 

“I can show you how striking it looks off of me.”

Cazmier practically jumps out of his skin. His face is completely flushed and he recoils trying to gain distance once more. “What do you mean by that, Ezra?” he squeaks out.

His embarrassment is just too cute. It makes him look so delicious. I lean back in practically crawling onto him at this point.

“It's exactly as I said. You can't really be that dense, Cazmier.” I say pushing back some of his hair. 

Cazmier looks through me mumbling to himself “This can't be real. It must be a dream. Why else would they be like this? But this dream feels different from the others.”

Dream? The others? I think. Could he possibly… I erase it from my mind. This couldn’t possibly be the Cazmier, right? 

I pull him closer trying to bring him back to the conversation with me. “So, have you dreamed about me before? Have you envisioned us doing this?”

He looked at me slightly confused but nodding nonetheless. 

I tug off his coat saying “Good, 'cause I've also been dreaming about doing this to you as well.”

I pull him into a kiss trying to enjoy every corner of this fantasy as I can. Even if I can’t really have him I’m glad to have a part of him here in my arms. He’s everything I want, that I’m greedy for. I don’t want anyone else to have yet at the same time I’m hardly good enough. How selfish of me, trying to keep him to myself yet refuse to try my hand. This Cazmier looks at me with such love, with the same gaze that stares at me in the waking world. If I took a chance I would only whittle it away little, by little. I’ll just enjoy him in the small short fantasies I can steal here.

I push him down onto the bench now fully on top of him. Finally we pull away from each trying to catch our breath. He looks hot and bothered beneath me. Completely disheveled from my braizeness. I wipe the excess saliva off of his lips staring down at the beautiful site beneath me trying to burn it into my memory. Cazmier gets up staring at me face to face.

He looks determined and professes, “I love you, Ezra, and I have for a while now.”

I sharply inhale, surprised. He certainly has never said that before.

I can’t stop myself however as it just tumbles out of my mouth “I love you too, Cazmier.” I go to pull him in once more but I fumble and fall off the bench.

◆

Ezra wakes up with their dog Kenny snoring loudly right next to their face. They sit up quickly trying to survey their surroundings. They’re in camp with the morning sun streaming between the trees. Beside them underneath the same blanket is a seemingly still slumbering Cazmier. Ezra sighs a bit disappointed and a bit relieved.

Cazmier lays there peacefully, hair splayed slightly across his face. Ezra reaches over and gently pushes it away taking in the beautiful sight of the morning light hitting his face.

“Sleep well?” A voice from afar asks.

Ezra jumps slightly and looks over at the smug bard Rosemary smirking from beside his tent. Their face begins to burn slightly as they quickly get up.

“Yes. Now I’m going to go take Kenny on a walk.” They say nudging the dog awake.

Kenny stares at them with disinterest before Ezra chirps up “Wanna go on walk?”

He immediately perks up and trots in his desired direction. Ezra tried to nonchalantly nod back towards Rose as they quickly departed camp for a moment. Hopefully Rose didn’t see anything. He did, however, in fact see.

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Thanks for reading! Sorry I usually don't write in 1st person so I hope it's good. （´∀`）ｂ

[brujitaadinbo]

From this same Kdrama (I swear to God it is a true gem of a production)

I was inspired by the second leading couple; They were truly destined to be together, but those hearts were stubborn and blinded by circumstances and by stupid things that they could let pass.

Dong Mae and Kudo Hina. They have great parallels with Sabine and Ezra and I explain why.

Dong Mae is a wounded man, rejected by Korean society and who takes refuge in the wrong people to make a place for himself in this circle. Living a life on the edge, he begins to understand that he is on the wrong path and tries to do things as best as possible, in love with Ae Shin, but in a very harmful platonic way, he lets himself be carried away by his feelings, spoiling many things. The question is; what he feels for hina.

Dong mae has a very strong bond with Hina; They know each other for being in this harmful circle, her story is just as tragic; They see each other as "friends or as if they were brothers"

But the way they treat each other is not like a simple friendship. We know that there is a limit that makes us understand the difference between the treatment as "brother friends" and the treatment you would have with that special person.

Then you begin to see how Dong Mae, despite being platonically in love with another woman, sees Hina with eyes of love, he takes care of her, he protects her, he is around her, as if he couldn't get out of his orbit, he consoles her and if she were necessary he would give his life for her.

We then see Hina, a hard-hearted woman with a very painful past, separated from her mother, sold by her father to the highest bidder. She lives with a deplorable man and her only way to be free is to become a widow.

Meeting Dong Mae in this circle of dangerous people, she gains a reputation, and with him, they have a very balanced relationship, she sees him as her "friend" and tries to fall in love with Eugene, because that man is more than its type. But something happens, something can be noticed, she feels jealous of Ae Shin, not because Eugene is in love with her, but because she knows that Dong Mae loves Ae Shin in a platonic way and does not reciprocate.

She takes care of Dong Mae, saves his life several times, supports him and watches over him. When he disappears, she sinks into depression, loses interest in living and in a moment of madness, joins the cause of rebellion and sacrifices herself. In a very sad and emotional moment, she realizes that Dong Mae is alive, she manages to say goodbye to him and says something to him that reminds me a lot of Sabine searching for Ezra's memory and having that longing to find him.

Dong mae carries Hina, because she can't move anymore. They are walking towards the shore of the beach and in her last moments she tells him "That man is no longer in my heart, I let him go a long time ago…

I waited for someone else, in the hotel's backyard, in the streets, on the tram I waited for him in his room. "I prayed that he would return alive, that he would return in perfect condition but the only one he loves is Ae Shin and he is crazy in love, that love drove him crazy and I still waited for him."

She recognizes her feelings for him, the deepest and most cautious, he begins to understand everything and it hurts him, because his feelings for her are there but there is also that stubborn platonic love for Ae Shin.

Sabine reminds me a lot of Hina because she separates from her family, becomes a tough woman, and in the meantime meets Ezra. Ezra lost his way and joined the wrong people, then somehow straightens his path, meets Sabine and that "being something more" relationship that always passes for passing as if they were "friends and brothers."

Then Ezra disappears, leaves and Sabine sinks into a depression. She decides to give up everything and take care of Ezra, his things, wait for him, continue longing for his presence. So when things get tough Will they somehow tell each other what they feel? Will they actually show their deepest and most mutual feelings?

I hope so.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Hello,

Sorry about this essay entering your inbox and this certainly isn’t me disagreeing with you, or any criticism, more of an addition.

I wanted to add another perspective to your thoughts on Crowley, his flaws and how S2 may change his and Aziraphale’s relationship.

They are very human flaws, and seemingly unique and important to him as a demon. As Aziraphale’s flaws are unique and important to him as an Angel.

From what we’ve heard of pre fall crowley, he didn’t give Aziraphale much thought on their first meeting. Also, it sounds as if Crowley was somebody important in Heaven. And from what we know of high ranking angels - they are callous, unforgiving, unfeeling and the boss everyone dislikes. This appears to be Heaven’s idea of a good Angel, given their responses to Aziraphale ‘the traitor.’

Crowley, to me, sounds he was doing his job, well in the eyes of head office. He was just another high ranking angel getting on with it. Not a nice/good person from a human perspective but, if anything, flawless from Heaven’s perspective.

That was until he started asking questions, hanging around with the wrong people and sauntered vaguely downwards. Then he and Aziraphale met again, with Crowley now the ‘lesser’ being. Good triumphs over evil, surely? And this Angel he has met shouldn’t give him the time of day, like Crowley didn’t to a ‘lesser’ angel (can you imagine, if he remembers, how guilty Crowley probably now feels about this.)

But Aziraphale listens to his prattling about the tree and the flaws in God’s plans, engages with him and then shelters him. This angel has feelings, he is different, he cares about others. He gave away his flaming sword and indulges in gross matter- moves that make him a flawed angel in the eyes of Heaven.

Endearingly, Aziraphale is a well intentioned bitch.

And with Crowley possibly doing good with the whole eat the apple business and later kindness, he is a flawed demon in Hell’s view. Hell’s requirements of a good employee are cruelty, wickedness and finding murder a fun activity on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

But, kindly, Crowley is a daft, soft cockblanket.

And it’s what I feel GO is about. Balance between good and evil, finding your own side and not always becoming what others intended you to become.

Each of them stand out from their original sides because of their complexity and flaws, which is why they fit and work so well together, and have been able to for 6000 years. Neither is perfect and neither is horrible, and any criticisms they can find in the other also exists in themselves. Seemingly the only two entities like this- with possible exceptions - so they know they need each other. They’re the only two that can truly empathise with one another.

I don’t necessarily excuse these flaws and mistakes (pre-fall classism, the bandstand, I’m the nice one, how can someone as clever as you be so stupid and so on) but they can be explained. And a relationship is about how you move through your mistakes and flaws together, not being free of them.

If this has made no sense I apologise. I do struggle with expressing my own views. 💛

hellooooo @ezra-fell!!!✨✨

gOSH yes this is an essay but fuck if im not gonna do my best to provide you with a response worthy of your message!!!!

i will just start by saying i don't think any one person's opinion or perspective is correct per se, i certainly don't think mine is flawless, but it is kind of what i feel could at least possibly be a theme in s2 or even s3 or just in general, and if it isn't cool, it will firmly remain a hc and im happy with that!!!

for anyone reading, i will just reiterate once again that im not here to cause argument or discourse, i literally just write unhinged ramblings about these characters (both of whom i love DEARLY and are v important to me for various reasons), and yeah my opinion is NOT correct by any stretch, but it's AN opinion✨💓

going into a cut because my answer will probably be just as lengthy!

totally agree with you on everything you've said about crowley. i do not for one sec think that his character as an angel is like an issue (other than being a bit of a knob but as you said, if he's an Archangel or lesser Archangel (ie like sandalphon), then yes this characterisation makes perfect sense and is awesome in terms of how his character changes when he becomes a demon)

i also completely agree on your point about it being about balance (literally just talked about this in another post im going meta-feral at the mo), i do think thats the main theme of the story. i guess what i was trying (and failing) to say is that aziraphale's view of crowley might possibly be an entirely human one.

let's get personal bc at this point bc i can't speak from everyone elses perspective - ive been aziraphale in this scenario (the scenario i put forward in my post from earlier). ive been in a long term relationship, and had a major incident happen about 18 months ago. that person is who i loved and cherished more than anyone in the world, but after a lot of therapy and a lot of communication, i realised that whilst i loved them and thought they were absolute perfection, flaws and all, i had placed them on a pedestal of who i thought they were and who i wanted them to be.

so obvs with aziraphale his faith is very literal (i have no religious faith), but my faith in my person was so unquestionable and unyielding, that i also ended up hurting myself (emotionally, no CWs here!!) to find out that the flaws that i had idolised and thought were perfect actually came around to bite me in the ass, and honestly? at the time, i didn't like what i found. i still loved that person, still found them attractive and lovely etc, but my faith in them was completely shattered, and i hadn't realised until that point that love and faith are completely different things. i had initially believed that in being with someone, the two were synonymous. they aren't.

now sorry to get so personal on main lmao, and i realise that this may well be a great deal of projection of myself into aziraphale (don't we all do that tho???) and i truly recognise that, but it just feels to me that this 'reckoning' that's coming -- whilst it might not be entirely what ive said (id be utterly flabbergasted if it was) -- might be something similar. i want the boys to be happy and together and unassailable as much as the next person, but somehow i feel like we'll need to wait for s3 for that dream to be completely realised, and for the boys to take each other as they are, not as they thought they saw them initially. i hope im wrong, we'll just have to see.

i hope that's an appropriate answer to your ask, but tldr i agree with everything you said, i just have limits as to how much i necessarily discuss in one post haha!!!✨💓💓

[hummingbird-games]

(spoilers for Adrian’s route incoming, etc, etc)

I have been putting off this particular post of ramblings because I truly don’t think I can do justice to putting my thoughts into words for Adrian. Not like the other guys. But at the end of the day these are truly for my entertainment (and God-awful memory) and I just happen to have an audience. So. No pressure. Also I’m trying not to repeat myself. Which is hard. (I love this game. I don’t know how I can make that more obvious?? But I guess I keep trying with these posts and the damn TikToks LOL) 

Adrian is just...such a sweetheart?? And I adored ANY AND EVERY SINGLE TIME we got to tease him???? Beautiful, oh my goodness. 

...Which is why when he wanted to get down and dirty in the GYM but not for workout purposes, I had the gall to be surprised!! 😂😂😂😂😂

But listen!! Anytime he went from sweet, golden retriever energy to serious, intimidating, sexy war god I was experiencing All The Emotions. Which is hilarious because we get HINTS of this throughout the first couple chapters...so I should have seen this coming (also I keep clicking the spice option, like what the heck do you think that means?? @ me) but that didn’t stop me from being dramatic and running back on here to scream into the void (check the tags if you’re interested. I had to make a proper 18+ tag and everything when I was convinced that was gonna happen due to College Craze aha 👍🏽).

Um. So, while Adrian was fighting Logan for Most Horny (sorry, I still think Logan can keep his crown and throne 👀) he was also fighting Ezra for Most Disgustingly Romantic (more evidence is needed from both sides for me for the jury to come to a conclusion)! 

Alsooooo, MC internally screaming in all caps had to be the most relatable shit I have ever seen oh my God. I couldn’t even laugh sometimes because I was like she’s like me, fr fr, with all the seriousness in the world!

Speaking of seriousness, there is a line I really enjoy that comes after the big breakup, which after doing this three times, did not get easier?? It got harder??? I sick. And I still have to do the bad ends in the new year?? I hate this. Anyhoo, the line:

“He recognized the sadness. Saw it in me and walked with me.” 

Grief is a funny thing. It’s different for everyone, and it was this year I truly noticed just how different people who have never been touched by grief walk verses those who have. And there’s a fun little cocktail of emotions that comes wrapped in the grief besides the advertised sadness, but it’s like, deeper than that. Some people are really good at hiding that sadness. And for someone else who has gone through a loss, any type of significant loss, and to see that in someone else and to not run away from it, not try and fix it, not try and belittle you for it? It’s a huge ass deal. 

HUGE. 

So obviously I cried. 

And then more events happened (seriously y’all, just play the game, even if it’s one route) and THIS LINE SMACKED ME IN THE FACE TOO:

“When I was with you I felt so happy...so happy that I worried I’d be punished for my happiness.”

Girlfriend, same. Saaaaaaaame. 

Now, in no particular order or in great detail, because I should wrap this up, here are other things I loved. 

More Grace screentime!!! We get a little of her in Ezra’s route and then we see her a lot more in Adrian’s which I loved! 

Karaoke! Super unique mechanic in the game and I need to go back and unlock all the songs. 

Any and all interactions with Amara!! I love our best friend, send tweet. 

Under the cut because I feel bad hijacking Adrian’s post, but this is a perfect place to conclude my game route ramblings overall.

I think that if I haaaaad to pick, Ezra is my favorite guy. Period. I loved him at jump, before I played the demo! And I will love this fictional man until I die. Tunnel vision?? Yes, what about it?

Logan has my favorite route...because he really was not on my radar and then he was and I feel like one day (in someone’s DMs not here lol) I will untangle why Logan’s route is a study in what romance media is missing for me and how it fucking delivered.

And Adrian? Most likely be who I’d click with in real life 🤔 

There’s so much replayability in An Everyday Love. And even if you exhaust all the available content, it’s still such a comfort piece of media.

So, if I have not convinced you to play, I have failed us both 😂💛And I will renew efforts in the future. 

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Job: How Can I Argue with God?

1 Then Job answered:

2 “Truly, I know it is so,    but how can a man be righteous with God? 3 If one would dispute with Him,    he cannot answer Him once in a thousand times. 4 He is wise in heart and mighty in strength.    Who has hardened himself against Him and prospered? 5 He who removes mountains, and they know not,    who overturns them in His anger. 6 He who shakes the earth out of its place,    and its pillars tremble. 7 He who commands the sun, and it does not rise;    he seals off the stars. 8 He who alone spreads out the heavens,    and treads on the waves of the sea. 9 He who makes the Bear, Orion, and Pleiades,    and the constellations of the south. 10 He who does great things, beyond discovery,    yes, and wonders beyond number. 11 Yes, He would cross before me, and I would not see Him;    He would pass on by, but I would not perceive Him. 12 Yes, He takes away; who can hinder Him?    Who will say to Him, ‘What are You doing?’ 13 God will not withdraw His anger.    The proud helpers bow down beneath Him.

14 “How, then, can I myself answer Him,    and choose my words to reason with Him? 15 Even if I were righteous I could not answer;    I would plead to my Judge for favor. 16 If I called, and He answered me,    I would not believe that He had listened to my voice. 17 For He crushes me with a storm    and multiplies my wounds without cause. 18 He will not allow me to get my breath,    but fills me with bitterness. 19 If it is a matter of strength, indeed, He is strong;    and if of justice, who will set me a time to plead? 20 Though I were righteous, my own mouth would condemn me;    though I were perfect, it would prove me perverse.

21 “Though I were perfect,    I would not know myself;    I would despise my life. 22 It is all one thing; therefore I said,    ‘He destroys both the perfect and the wicked.’ 23 If the whip kills suddenly,    He will laugh at the trial of the innocent. 24 The earth is given into the hand of the wicked.    He covers the faces of its judges.    If it is not He, then who is it?

25 “Now my days are swifter than a runner;    they flee away; they see no good. 26 They pass by like reed skiffs,    like an eagle rushing upon its prey. 27 If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint;    I will leave off my sad face and brighten up,’ 28 I am afraid of all my sorrows;    I know that You will not hold me innocent. 29 If I am guilty,    why then do I labor in vain? 30 If I wash myself with snow water    and cleanse my hands with soap, 31 yet You will plunge me into the pit,    and my own clothes will abhor me.

32 “For He is not a man as I am, that I should answer Him,    and we should come together in judgment. 33 Nor is there a mediator between us,    who may lay his hand upon us both. 34 Let Him take His rod away from me,    and let not dread of Him terrify me. 35 Then I would speak and not fear Him,    but it is not so with me. — Job 9 | Modern English Version (MEV) The Holy Bible, Modern English Version. Copyright © 2014 by Military Bible Association. Published and distributed by Charisma House. Cross References: Genesis 1:1; Genesis 17:17; Deuteronomy 28:49; 1 Samuel 2:25; 2 Chronicles 13:12; 2 Chronicles 30:6; Ezra 9:15; Job 1:1; Job 3:25; Job 5:9; Job 7:11; Job 7:19; Job 8:5; Job 8:22; Job 10:1,2 and 3; Job 12:6; Job 13:22; Job 15:6; Job 16:12; Job 23:8; Job 26:6; Job 26:12; Job 37:9; Job 37:19; Psalm 37:33; Psalm 39:10; Psalm 75:3; Isaiah 13:10; Jeremiah 2:22; Nahum 3:6; Romans 9:19-20

[erodasfishtacos]

Hey! can you please write something about ezra? i’m really missing him <3 he’s my fav kid and he doesn’t even exist what is happeningggg—

Always Thinkin’ of You

prompt: Ezra gets frustrated when Harry leaves him for too long.

warnings: ezra cuteness because I know you guys have been missing him

If you enjoy - please like, reblog, recommend, comment, & come talk to me.

🌮 Happy 4 of One Year of Erodasfishtacos. 🐠

catch up on the other days!

day one

day two

day three

-

Harry was just arriving home from a week and a half of press, promo, and games - he was exhausted but more importantly he missed his wife and babies.

When he steps in the front door, he’s bombarded by three of his little ones who attach themselves like monkeys to him.

Easton, eight,on his left leg, Cash, six, on his right, and Briar, two, tugging on the bottom of his shirt with a furrowed brow and demand of, “Up, daddy. Up.”

“Hi, lil’ mama,” Harry coos to his daughter who becomes more of a spitting image of her gorgeous mother everyday, “You miss y’daddy?”

Briar nods sweetly with her chubby hand coming to pat his face, nose wrinkling when she comes in contact with his unshaven face which was usually smooth.

Then he’s leaning down to kiss both of the boys on top of their curls locks, recently damp from a bath, with a murmur, “Missed you guys so much. Thought about you the whole time I was gone. Were you good for mama?”

“Yes! I helped put away groceries today!” Easton informs his father proudly with his chest puffed out and a dimply smile.

“Hey! I helped too!” Cash grumbles, shoving at his annoying older brother before nuzzling into his father’s thigh, “I put away all the fruit, daddy.”

“There’s my good boys,” Harry compliments, big palm rubbing Cash’s back as he hugs onto him, god - he loved his babies so much.

But he was missing his one monkey.

Ezra was usually never one to be left out of the welcoming committee, he was usually the first one scampering to greet him with a big hug and a few sniffles.

And surely by now, he would have known that his father had walked in the door with all the commotion his siblings had made.

“Where’s mama?” Harry asks, kicking off his tennis shoes and then his puffy north face jacket before tugging off his hoodie - it had been super cold out.

“Cooking dinner,” Easton informs him before slapping Cash’s shoulder and saying, “Five second head start! Tag, you’re it!”

Then he’s bolting out of the foyer with impressive speed before Cash can even process but then quickly joins in to chase after his older brother.

“Let’s go see what’s for dinner, pretty girl. Yes?” Harry sing songs to Briar who still has a curious hand dragging over his prickly facial hair.

“Daddy?” She asks inquisitively, her small fingers tracing over his upper lip and then his jaw before repeating the pattern.

“Wha’? You don’t like my whiskers?” He teases, moving his cheek to brush against hers - she emits the cutest little squeal when she feels the roughness against her baby soft skin.

“No! No!” Briar belly laughs, pushing his cheek away from hers before she’s burrowing right back into the crook of his neck for a cuddle.

“How did I get so lucky, hm? My perfect little girl,” Harry sighs happily, he was truly living a fairy tale with how he’d been so fucking blessed.

When he steps into the kitchen, YN is in a pair of nike shorts and an old college tee of his with her hair thrown up and Ezra sat on the counter next to her - watching raptly as she stirred the thick sauce for the pasta.

“Can you add the pepper now, Ez?” She asks softly, handing him the shaker and with his tongue sticking out in concentration - he carefully shakes until there’s enough of the spice added.

“Hey darling, you single?” Harry can’t help but try his luck as he steps up behind his wife, hand massaging at her hip as he lands a few pecks to the back of her neck.

“Sorry, m’all wifed up,” She replies haughtily but teasingly presses her bum back into the cradle of his hips which has him pinching her in warning.

“Don’t tempt me, we haven’t fuc- er, had alone time in nearly two weeks,” Harry corrects himself before he’s putting Briar down so she can toddle back to an abandoned toy cell phone near the pantry and pick it up.

“Maybe tonight, if you’re lucky,” YN hums, turning the stove down until the sauce is simmering and she opens the oven door to check on the garlic bread.

When Harry spins his wife around to nudge their lips together, he feels a small hand push at his arm, and he pulls back to see his youngest son fixing him with a glare.

“Hi bubba,” Harry smiles, figuring the push was from him not greeting his son yet, but when he goes to tug him into a hug and off the counter - Ezra shakes his head with a scowl.

YN titters at the four year old, “You want to tell daddy why you’re upset?”

Ezra shakes his head, curls bouncing every which way, and he crosses his arms, avoiding any eye contact with his father.

“Ez? Are you upset with…me?” Harry wonders, brow furrowed with confusion as YN goes about straining the pasta but still listening.

“Go away, daddy,” Ezra huffs angrily, his green eyes finally meeting his father’s with tears brimming at the rims.

Harry is definitely bewildered, he wasn’t quite sure what he did wrong, and when he’d FaceTimed with him earlier before his flight home - he was absolutely fine.

“I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong,” He tries to encourage, wishing he could just give him a hug, “Can you please talk to me?”

“Mama, tell ‘em,” The young boy mumbles instead when YN leaves against the counter, just waiting for the sauce and bread to finish for dinner.

“Ezra ended up taking a nap and he woke up about forty-five minutes ago. He had a nightmare and was looking all around the house for you,” YN replies, rubbing Harry’s bicep because she knows it’ll make his heart sting.

And it did.

“Daddy should be home,” Ezra whines, his anger melting away as he begins to blubber, tears falling down his cheeks, “No leaving Ezzie.”

If his heart could shatter anymore it could.

Harry couldn’t help but feel a gnarly twinge of guilt and sadness at his son’s words because even though his son is four - everything he says is valid and he should be taken seriously.

“I was gone for a bit longer than usual, yeah?” Harry agrees lowly, scrubbing a hand over his face, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, sweetheart.”

“Don’t leave again,” Ezra pouts out his full bottom lip.

“Daddy has to work so we can have a nice house and nice things,” Harry sighs, “So we can have food and clothes, hav-“

“No no no,” He chants out defiantly, carefully jumping down from the counter and walking out of the room.

“What has gotten into him?” Harry groans, he was pretty exhausted from the jet lag and shitty hotel beds, and he knew he had to work this out before the night was over.

YN wraps her arms around his waist, lips pressed to the hinge of his jaw as she speaks, “He’s just having a bad day. He missed you so much.”

“Should I go try to talk-“

Then they hear a clatter from the foyer, which has them quickly following the sound to make sure one of the kids didn’t get hurt.

But it’s Ezra, who has unzipped Harry’s suitcase and was tossing all of his nicely organized and folded clothing out and splayed all over the hardwood floor.

“Ezra Duke,” YN scolds gently, frowning when she sees the mess that he’s created and winces when she tosses his toiletries bag and hears a loud clunk! which was most likely his expensive Tom Ford Cologne.

“Now daddy can’t leave!” Ezra announces as he throws a pair of socks as far as he can which ends up landing at Easton’s feet.

The other three children had come to see what the fuss was about and stand their with confused wide eyes.

Harry steps forward, squatting down and gently grabbing Ezra’s arm, “This is not a good way to express feelings. If you’re mad or upset with daddy then we need to talk. You’re being very unkind right now by making a mess of my things.”

And when Ezra gets scolded by his father (even if it was very gently), he plops on his bum and begins crying as he looks at the ground.

Easton cautiously steps over and sits next to his younger brother, hand on his shoulder, and he says, “Ezzie, I used to get really sad when dad left too. But he always comes back, he has to go to work.”

“Yeah! And when you really miss him, you can just ask mama to call him!” Cash offers, being the sweet little thing he is and gathering a few of his father’s shirts to put back in the suitcase.

“Thank you, Cashy,” Harry hums before stopping him, “But Ezra made this mess and I think it’s important that he cleans it up.”

“No! No no no,” Ezra refuses, eyes steely green and determined not to listen - a full tantrum coming on from the looks of it.

“Come on, come help mama with dinner,” YN goads, guiding the little onlookers into the kitchen to give them some privacy.

“C’mon, sweetheart. You threw all of daddy’s clothes and I need you to pick them up for me,” Harry says soft but firmly, “Or you can choose not to pick them up and go sit on the stair.”

Ezra scowls at his feet as he weighs his two options carefully, his little chest heaving up and done with anger.

“I’ll pick ‘em up!” He whines with a high-pitched frustration in his voice as he lugs himself off the ground and begins to gather socks, shirts, and shorts - depositing them begrudgingly in the suitcase.

After every article is haphazardly back where it needs to be, Ezra stands in front of his father with the same scowl he’d managed to keep throughout the whole ordeal.

“Are you upset with me?” Harry asks his son, he wants to reach out and tug him into his arms but he had to respect his son’s boundaries too.

Ezra’s glare quickly begins to crumble when his bottom lip starts quivering viciously as he tries not to cry again but he nods.

Harry’s chest hurts for his son, “Bub, it’s okay that you’re not happy with me. I know I was gone and you miss me so much when I have to go.”

“Don’t leave Ezzie,” His son mumbles as he hiccups with the onslaught of tears that are bubbling over his lids.

“Darling,” Harry murmurs, opening his arms and Ezra instantly scampers into them to curl up onto his lap, “I have to go to work so that we can live in this house, eat yummy food, buy you all those baby dolls. If I don’t go, I don’t get money to do those things but that’s why mama stays home to make sure you get all the love and cuddles.”

“Want m’babies,” Ezra grumbles lowly, turning himself so he can wrap his arms around his father’s neck and bury his face in there.

“I want you to know that I think about you, all the time when I’m gone. I think about Easton, Cashy, you, Briar,” He whispers to his son as if it’s a dark secret that he’s never uttered before as he rocks his son back and forth.

“Mama?” The little boy squeaks curiously.

Harry can’t help but chuckle, “Yes, Ez. I definitely think about your mama all the time too. I love you all with my whole heart.”

“M’sorry.”

It’s sheepish and spoken against the column of Harry’s throat.

“Ezra Duke, you never ever have to apologize for feeling sad or upset. We just have to talk about it or do something to calm down. We can’t do things that are unkind to others,” He assured him, “It’s okay to be sad, angry, happy, or anything else. “

YN appears in the hallway, a soft lift to her lips as she tells them, “Dinner’s ready, my boys. C’mon. Ezra, do you want to help me pass at the garlic bread?”

With that, Ezra is out of his fathers lap and scuttling quickly to his mother at the chance of being a little helper.

-

YN can tell Harry’s tense, shoulders tight and uncomfortable as he lays on his side - back turned to her.

After she slides in, her nails come to lightly scratch at his bare back, “What’s bothering you?”

He doesn’t loosen at her gesture, just lets out a huff and burrows deeper into his pillow, voice low and clipped, “M’fine.”

YN can’t help but roll her eyes at the back of his head where his curls are still damp from the shower - he acted like she didn’t know him inside out.

“I couldn’t ask for a better father to my children, you know,” She starts, she didn’t have anything planned to say per se, “I know it sucks when you’re away for work but you’re so fucking present when you are here with you kids.”

Harry doesn’t turn around but she knows that he’s listening intently.

“Our kids love you so so much. I love you so much it seems like a fairy tale. I can’t believe how much you sacrifice for us, for me to stay home with the babies, for everything,” YN tells him, there’s tears running down her cheeks and when she sniffles - Harry instantly flips over and pulls her straight into his chest with his lips pressed to her forehead.

She knows sometimes Harry just needs time, that she can’t fix everything but he simply rasps out that he loves her and kisses her cheeks, nose, lips, and drift off in each other’s arms.

[d-andilion]

fair façade

@witcher-bows-and-arrows day 3: court

(valskier, fake relationship, not actually unrequited love, getting together, 2.6k)

read on ao3

“If you step on my foot one more time, I swear, I will set your entire shoe collection on fire,” Jaskier mutters, careful not to let his pleased smile slip. People are watching.

Valdo’s grip on his hand tightens, shoving the sharp edge of his ring into the side of Jaskier’s palm. “Well, if you weren’t such an abysmal lead, I wouldn’t trip, would I?”

Jaskier rolls his eyes, spinning them towards the edge of the dance floor. The song is nearly over and he needs a fucking respite. “Only you would blame your terrible balance on someone else.”

The grin on Valdo’s face turns sharper and this time Jaskier cannot hide his wince as the bastard drives his heel into Jaskier’s toes. The song ends a beat later, giving way to polite applause from the rest of the dancers. Jaskier drops Valdo’s hand with as little frustration as he can muster and forces himself not to tense as the other bard links their arms together.

Valdo leans in close and a perfect black ringlet falls in front of hooded brown eyes. For all his height, he has a particular talent for making himself look delicate; he’s taller even than Jaskier if only a few inches. If Jaskier didn’t know better, he would swear the man looked downright lovestruck.

Of course, Jaskier does know better. Valdo may be a weasel, but he is an excellent actor. They both are.

“Let’s take a turn about the room, then two more dances,” Valdo whispers into Jaskier’s ear. “That should be more than enough.”

Jaskier nods in agreement. “Then we shall be free of each other for at least a few more months.”

“Thank the Gods.”

~

Six months later finds them at another tedious function. It’s a garden party this time, which at the very least means they won’t have to dance. Instead, they stroll arm in arm around the carefully trimmed garden admiring the rose bushes and stopping occasionally to graze at the table of intricately decorated cakes.

“Have you seen Ezra?” Valdo asks, a lilt of amusement in his voice. Jaskier quirks a grin at once, knowing exactly which of their peers he is referring to.

“That coat is a disaster,” Jaskier replies dryly. “I wonder if he means to blend in with the brambles.”

Valdo gives a loud, graceless snort beside him and turns his head away a moment to compose himself. Pride bubbles in Jaskier’s chest at the reaction. He remembers that awkward, snorting laugh from their school days, before Valdo trained himself out of it. It was too ‘unattractive’, apparently. Not fitting for his refined, courtly persona.

“You’re one to talk, Julian,” says Valdo after he’s recovered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Green? At a garden party?” Valdo gives Jaskier a pointed once-over to drive his point home.

Jaskier feels heat rise to his cheeks. This doublet is brand new, he’d been excited to wear it. Now he feels silly, but he’ll be damned if he gives Valdo the satisfaction of thinking he’s got a point. “Fuck off, Marx. At least I understand the importance of variety. How many outfits do you have in that exact shade of plum? I’ve truly lost count.”

Valdo has a clever retort ready for him, and Jaskier returns it, and on and on they go until they’ve been at the event long enough to satisfy the sea of onlookers. Before they go their separate ways, Jaskier makes a point to pull Valdo off to the side, where they’re visible but not so much so as to be suspected of wanting attention.

There, Jaskier passes over an envelope with a bright red seal and Valdo makes a show of tucking it away. There’s nothing inside, just a blank bit of parchment. The audience of high-class attendees will assume it contains prose and poetry, the sweet and tender things so often exchanged between courting lovers.

Jaskier wonders if Valdo bothers to open them anymore. Doubtful. Far more likely, he chucks them into the fire without a second glance.

~

“My parents are hosting a tea in a few weeks.” Valdo’s words seem to echo in the quiet of the room.

It’s a fine accommodation, much more comfortable than what Jaskier is used to during the warm seasons. Grimy inns and boarding houses are the best he and Geralt can afford on the road. Even when Jaskier performs at court, they’re usually relegated to the servants’ quarters at best.

But he was more than entertainment tonight. Here, with the aid of his title, he was a guest at yet another fancy ball. As such, he gets a plush room in a lord’s castle. The bed is unbelievably soft with more pillows than he could ever want for. At least they’ve been put to good use.

Jaskier sighs at the canopy and tugs the blanket up over his torso, protecting his sweat-damp skin from the cool air. “I assume that was your way of asking me to come?”

“I wasn’t asking. Your parents will be there, you have to come.” Valdo bumps Jaskier’s shin with his foot beneath the covers and Jaskier kicks back.

“I suppose,” Jaskier concedes. Valdo is right, unfortunately. If both of their parents are going to be in attendance, they can hardly avoid it. Not if they don’t want to raise suspicions.

Jaskier expects some snappy comment, but Valdo doesn’t reply. Worn out from another evening of dancing and dull conversation, Jaskier expects. That, and everything they got up to afterward.

This bit is always a little uncomfortable. They’ve been doing this too long for it to count as awkward, but it’s not overly pleasant either. With any other bedfellows, Jaskier would try for light conversation, maybe sing if they liked. The evening would pass in contentment before he snuggled close and drifted off to sleep.

But that isn’t how this goes for them. That’s not to say Jaskier wouldn’t like it to. It just isn’t their way and never has been. They go a few rounds and snipe half-heartedly at each other before falling asleep on their own sides of the bed. When morning comes, Jaskier wakes to empty pillows and cold sheets.

Valdo could leave now, not bother with the pretense of falling asleep first. It’s not as if Jaskier would try to stop him. Still, this is their routine and Valdo never takes a step outside of it. Jaskier has given up trying to work out why.

Jaskier watches the shadows thrown by the flickering candle dance on the canopy for a while, how long, he can’t be sure. Valdo shuffles beside him, shifting into a comfortable sleeping position. His left side, probably. He always favors that side for sleeping, even though it has him facing Jaskier. He settles and Jaskier waits for Valdo’s breath to turn slow and steady before he closes his eyes.

~

In the beginning, it had been a perfectly reasonable arrangement. Brilliant, even, a stroke of genius. They were both from affluent families who had certain expectations of their children, including courtship and marriage and other such stifling institutions. Seeing as neither of them was interested in entertaining such institutions, it all came together almost naturally.

It was a bit more strenuous back then. After all, courting is an arduous and time-consuming business. Forging love letters, fabricating gifts, taking every available opportunity to be seen in apparent pre-nuptial bliss. It was exhausting, in all honesty.

But it worked. So far as fine society was aware, the two of them were absolutely mad for each other. Their parents were placated, in fact, they were over the moon. Their mothers got along swimmingly and their fathers were old friends from their own Academy days, the four of them practically considered themselves family already.

These days, the pair of bards hardly even had to see each other. Every few months, they would attend an event to feed the ruse, but beyond that, they were free. Jaskier to roam the Continent and Valdo to grace high courts all over the land.

It was perfect. Just perfect. Or at least, it would be, were it not for the fact that Jaskier is a little bit in love with Valdo.

There has always been something there between them. Usually, it manifests itself in barbed insults and amazing sex, but they’ve always burned a bit too hot, boiled a bit too high, to make it anything more than that.

For the most part, that works out fine. They’re both bards, after all, neither of them suited to sitting still or settling down. But sometimes, when adoring crowds don’t feel like enough and cheers don’t fill the void, Jaskier daydreams.

Daydreams about what it would be like if this little ruse of theirs wasn’t a ruse after all. If the smiles Valdo gave him were real and warm. If they exchanged artful missives instead of empty envelopes. If, when they fell into bed together, Jaskier didn’t wake up alone.

Alas, it is not to be. They’ll carry on with their little game of smoke and mirrors until their parents stop buying it, or die blissfully unaware. Then Jaskier will have no excuse to see his false lover and musical rival ever again. Then, maybe, he’ll finally be free.

~

Jaskier all but sprints through the halls of his childhood home, making his way as quickly as possible from the family quarters to the guest rooms. Of course, the housekeeper had to give Valdo the room furthest from Jaskier’s.

Every now and then, he has to stop his charge down the corridors to give the appropriate greeting to one of their guests, but he picks up speed again the moment he passes them. He has to find Valdo before this complete disaster has a chance to get off the ground.

This was bound to happen sooner or later. Jaskier’s parents may have been willing to look the other way for a while, glad that their intransigent child had apparently found someone of appropriate rank. But no one just courts for a decade. Jaskier’s mother and father have had their fill of waiting. They expected him to propose. Tonight.

That’s what this ridiculous ball they planned was all about. It’s their engagement party, his and Valdo’s. Jaskier’s parents had even given him his grandfather’s wedding ring to propose with. The hunk of gold weighs heavily in his pocket as he rounds the last corner and finds himself at Valdo’s door. He doesn’t waste a second, pounding on it with his fist.

Valdo answers in relatively short order, his face falling at once into a mask of smug boredom. “I don’t think we have time for funny business before the ball, Julian,” he drawls, leaning heavily against his door frame. Jaskier pushes past him without waiting for an invitation.

“Excuse me,” Valdo squawks. “This is my private room and I don’t recall–”

“We have to stop.”

Valdo stares at him blankly for a moment before his brow furrows. He shuts the door firmly and slides the lock over. “What are you talking about?”

“The arrangement, we have to stop. Now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, my parents will toss me into a marriage with the first toss who offers if we call it off now.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Jaskier groans. “It can go no further. We have to call it off tonight, stage an argument, fake my death, anything!”

“How deep in your cups are you, exactly?” Valdo asks without a hint of amusement. He looks nervous, Jaskier realizes. Scared. “If you think I’m letting you chicken out now, you are sorely–”

Jaskier yanks the ring from his pocket and holds it out between them. “They want me to propose!”

Valdo falls silent, mouth snapping shut and eyes widening to saucers. He looks pale. “Well. I suppose it was going to happen eventually.”

“Yes, well, it’s happening.” Jaskier closes his fist around the ring and drops his hand to his side. “Now, we may be able to convince them we’ve had a falling out. A fit of jealousy, perhaps–”

“Whatever are you talking about?”

Jaskier blanches. What part of this whole ring business did he not make clear? “Calling it off.”

Valdo crosses his arms over his chest, but his expression remains passive as if Jaskier is the one being ridiculous. “I told you, we can’t.”

“Oh, come on, Valdo,” Jaskier says with a sigh. “You’re past thirty, they won’t force you to wed at this age.”

“You don’t know my parents.”

“Yes, I do, it’ll be fine.” It will be fine. In all honesty, they could have called the whole thing off years ago, they’re both well past the age to be pushed into marriage. There’s scarcely anyone left of proper age and title to marry anyway.

Still, Valdo shakes his head furiously, tossing his dark curls into a mess on his head. “No. I– I won’t take the chance.”

“Why are you so eager to keep this up?” Jaskier steps closer.

“Why are you so eager to call it off?” Valdo does too.

“Because it’s not real!” Jaskier bellows, probably too loud. His chest aches at the words, but he shoves it down hard. Why does Valdo have to be so… so Valdo about this? Can he not allow Jaskier one kindness and make this easy? It’s for the best, for Jaskier’s sanity at this point, why can he not see that? “It’s a trick and it’s served its purpose, but it’s over. There’s no need to be so difficult about it, I would think you’d be glad to be rid of me.”

“Well, you’re wrong!”

Jaskier is struck silent. Valdo just stares back at him, mouth pressed into a thin line. Jaskier knows that look; Valdo knows he’s made a misstep, given too much away, but he won’t back down now. Jaskier is wrong, wrong about– But it can’t be.

It can’t because he can’t have been so blind. He can’t have missed the signs that surely would have been there. He can’t have sulked in silence for so long, wishing, wanting, and believing it was impossible. He can’t have wasted all this time pretending when everything he wanted was standing right there, waiting for him to take it.

They’re close now, close enough to touch. How many times have they been this close, grinning for their audience and arguing under their breath? There’s none of that now, no fake smiles, no snide remarks, no one watching. Just them, breathing each other’s air while the seconds stretch.

Jaskier reaches up with his empty hand and takes Valdo’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. He wonders for a moment if he’s ever touched Valdo like this; gently. When Jaskier kisses him, he’s gentle. It’s sweet and slow, enough that Jaskier has time to notice how soft Valdo’s lips are, how he trembles when Jaskier touches him.

It isn’t a very long kiss, but it’s more than every single one they’ve shared before put together. When it’s over, they don’t pull back far. Valdo’s big, brown eyes fill Jaskier’s field of vision. Valdo brushes Jaskier’s cheek with his fingers and Jaskier’s flushed skin is soothed by the cool press. His hands are always cold.

“So…,” Jaskier begins at a near whisper, “does this mean you want to get engaged?”

Valdo scoffs. “Fuck no, I’m not ready for that.” There’s a beat of silence before they both burst into laughter. Valdo leans in as they settle, pressing his forehead to Jaskier’s. “What now?” he asks.

“Have you unpacked?”

The other bard shakes his head. Jaskier grins. “I’ve got an idea. Come on.”

They sneak out of Jaskier’s window. Their parents will forgive them. Eventually.

~~

bows and arrows masterlist

[allthegothihopgirls]

!!!TWD 11x10 SPOILERS!!

my take on the episode 11x10 of twd:

!!! heavy spoilers for the latest episode of the walking dead !!!

i took a while to get around to watching this episode because tbh the preview didn’t interest me too much. overall i’m not a big fan of the type of twd episodes that purely revolve around a perfect community and involve barely any walkers or conflict, like at the start of alexandria. this episode did pleasantly surprise me though.

as i said last time, my rants are in zero order so be prepared.

judith has taken my heart once again, her introducing herself as jude instead of judith has me thinking that we’re seeing a parallel to when the group arrived at alexandria which i’ll get into more later. but that first scene with jude, rj, and daryl in the “haunted house” i think really hints towards the whole idea that the commonwealth as a whole are so disconnected from what’s out there in a negative way. it also stuck out to me that judith and rj weren’t scared like normal kids which imo we might see change later as to convey they are softening the longer they stay in the commonwealth.

still on that scene, robert kirkman has confirmed that zombie media never existed in twd universe, it makes me think about the fact that the haunted house thing means they’re mocking the apocalypse that they’re living in which seems really weird and messed up to me.

jerry makes me so happy, he’s such a comic relief, his family is so cute too. love his relationship with zeke too, it’s so pure. 

daryl and rosita being on a team makes so much sense. it might have been subtle in the past but they’ve always gotten along morally and i think that relationship will be seen a lot more this season. i really think the downfall of the commonwealth will be on the hands of rosita, daryl, carol, and mercer.

zeke is scaring me, the way he’s giving away all his things and having moments with the people he loves can only make me think that he’s going to commit suicide knowing he can’t get the surgery on time, going out on his own terms. i think that plot line is necessary for carol’s character development with daryl and others too, as her plot atm seems to be majorly about saving zeke. correct me if i’m wrong, but i also recall him using past tense when telling ezra the happiness shiva’s leash gave him, which indicates he truly isn’t happy anymore.

seeing carol with those cookies was so awesome, once again a callback to alexandria and her whole housewife act which she seems to be doing again. i hope we see some more of her interacting with ppl from the commonwealth like tomi. carol’s back on her badass shit and i love that for her.

missing characters. maggie and hershel were pretty expected, but also people like lydia, aaron and gracie, that woman from kingdom, and others? those were a little unexpected. aaron not being in the commonwealth just about confirms my theory of aaron being on a conflicting side this season.

so off topic, but everyone was talking about daryl in the cw military armour in the trailer, but ohmygod i was not prepared to see rosita in it.

also i hate sebastian my god, can’t stand him.

there were so many parallels to the one alexandria indrouction ep this episode, the party, settling in to a new environment. i think jude getting that vinyl and being surprised by it was a callback to scenes like rick’s haircut. i really think if carl were still around for the cw he would have a reaction similar to daryl’s to alexandria.

the idea of classism in the cw is really interesting, especially after tomi and carol’s scene. there was a strong point in that scene, zeke being 147th on the list is quite unlikely in terms of severity, how many people can be dealing with a terminal illness there? not many. therefore that means the list must be based off class instead, which can go for a lot of things in the cw. i’m interested to see how this plays out later.

[giggles-and-freckles]

Okay woohoo some fic recs incoming!!!! These will probably be all over the place, but I’ve just got to scream about them for a second!!! PS gonna try to do these more frequently because this is fun!!!

Click below the cut if you dare!

Declarations by Nny11

Summary: A series exploring Obi-Wan and Ahsoka's relationship as Grandmaster and Grandpadawan.

Okay, so this is one of the first fics I can genuinely remember reading with a heavy emphasis on the relationship between Obi-Wan and Ahsoka where I was like 'hey oh my god I love them?’ It was a monumental moment for me because now I am so obscenely ride or die for them and I truly do think back to this fic often with utter fondness. 

A moment I loved: 

“From a certain point of view,” he finally conceded, motioning her to start again. “At least I know you’ve learned something from me!”

“Well I couldn’t learn the secrets of your hair routine!”

the flood comes rushing in by @kenobilovebot

Summary: "I have done this for you. I have put you first." Or, Anakin finds out.

A little bit of sith!Obi-Wan? As a treat? Hm, well...all right!!!!! I don’t want to say too much here because I would really prefer you read it than read any more of my mindless babbling but–it’s good.

A moment I loved: 

He can hardly think around the smothering darkness that has so wholly encompassed his master, so effectively destroying the light that has always been. He’s always been able to reach for it at the worst of times. Now he can’t feel it at all.

a time to say goodbye by Sokaless

Summary: Ezra isn't the only one facing the temptation of change in the World Between Worlds. Just minutes after facing Vader, Ahsoka falls through a portal seventeen years into the past and must relive her final encounter with Anakin and Obi-Wan without drastically altering the future. But Anakin Skywalker taught her many things. How to push her luck was one of them.

This is a short and sweet time-travel fic that finds Ahsoka back in that moment in the hangar with Anakin right before they unknowingly have their last goodbye. She knows more now than she did before and struggles not to say it all. But the theme of learning from loss is really special and powerful and I feel this sad sort of closure when I finish (I say that actively because I have...read this fic several several times). Painful, poignant–all the best things.

A moment I loved:

One last thing she learned from Anakin- teaching a lesson often requires holding your student to higher standards than you hold yourself. 

With the knowledge that she’s holding him to a standard she herself might never reach, Ahsoka tells Ezra, “I’m asking you to let go.”

good morning, sun by @katierosefun​

Summary: “You look miserable.” Ahsoka dropped her hand, spun around. Obi-Wan stood behind her, one arm carrying a cloak and the other half-extended to Ahsoka. [or: After she leaves the Order, Ahsoka has one last encounter with Obi-Wan.]

Let’s see how many of Caroline’s fics I can get away with posting before someone reports me. This one-shot is full of all the good post-wrong jedi stuff. Soka and Obi have a conversation at Dex’s that hurts a lot but also feels real and I will never not respect Caroline for understanding the nuances of the disaster trios intricate and intimate relationships with each other and how they shift and mold around different circumstances. This feels so authentically them that it hurts.

A moment I loved: 

What came out instead was a small, half-choked sound.

When Obi-Wan opened his arms, Ahsoka fell right into them. “It hurts,” Ahsoka said, her voice cracking. “A lot.”

“I know,” Obi-Wan replied thickly. “We’ll take care of it.”

You Haunt All My What-Ifs by @kckenobi

Summary: But then she saw the way Obi-Wan’s lip was quivering, and his eyes were shining, and she realized— He hadn’t called because he needed to tell her. He’d called because he needed her. “Obi-Wan,” she breathed. “Oh, Obi-Wan…” And she wanted to reach out, to hold him. To be his refuge, his shelter, his home. Instead she just watched as he shook his head, palmed at his eyes, apologized. She reached out. Touched the hologram. It flickered. — [Satine and Obi-Wan—then, now, and every echo of what if between them.]

One of the first fics that got me on my Obitine grind!! Just the right mix of angst and angst to create the perfect recipe of absolute sorrow. These characters feel so real I could reach out and hug them–and oh, how I want to after this incredible little fic.

A moment I loved:

And then suddenly she was thinking of every little what if—the other paths they could’ve taken, the millions of ways they could’ve ended up here. She imagined a future where he’d stayed. She saw white weddings, crying infants, painting nursery rhymes on a pale bedroom wall. She saw herself rolling over in the middle of the night, bumping shoulders, feeling his warm breath on her face. She saw family dinners, rushed breakfasts as they hurried the kids off to school. She saw laughter. She saw a lifetime. And at the end, she saw herself old and gray, holding his hand, his eyes the last thing she’d ever see.They had arrived at the end now. But she was not old and gray.

Dying Words by @cloudyskywars

Summary: Anakin is trapped beneath a collapsed building, and has one final conversation with Obi-Wan.

One of my favourite febuwhump contributions from within the mountain of wonderful fics that the second month of the year created!! Some good ol classic Obi & Ani pain. Hint of a deathfic...but mostly just the moments leading up to it. And they...hurt. Also!!! Melanie took the care to make Anakin’s final words be about Obi-Wan, which is very special to me for the reason she includes in her author’s note.

A moment I loved:

“And,” he said, “if you ever see Ahsoka again, tell her she was the best padawan I could have asked for.” His breaths were coming in rapid pants, now, and the room was spinning out of focus. “Obi-Wan?” he asked, voice barely audible. “Yes, Padawan mine?” he responded, his own voice shaky as well. “Thank you for being my Master,” Anakin said.

i’m only me when i’m with you idiots by @renegadeontherunn

Summary: who let Obi-Wan pick the holo? and where's the remote? they might need a bigger blanket. 

[or, Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan have leave on Coruscant and holo night is the perfect excuse to all squeeze onto a couch together, bicker, and be, well, a family]

Fluff, fluff, fluff! Yes, please! My dear Fiona does a wonderful job wrapping these three up in a blanket and plopping them in front of a holo for a night of witty banter and so-cute-I-could-melt platonic cuddles. I love these three, I love this fic!

A moment I loved: 

“You met a civilized Padawan? Couldn’t have been ours.”

get home by @curse-of-men

Summary: After a mission goes wrong and Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker goes missing, it is up to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano to bring him home.

[or: a Grandmaster and a Grandpadawan go on a road trip to rescue chaos personified]

What? Me? Rec’ing another Obi-Wan and Ahsoka centric fic? HUH? Hehe, I love that Lou says this is the missing Obi & Soka arc in their author’s note because um, did they look into my heart and know that’s what I most desire? Anyway, this three-parter is incredible from start to finish and I demand you all go read it immediately. :-)

A moment I loved:

Making their way to the cockpit, Ahsoka tilts her head into Obi-Wan’s general direction and says: “You know, Master, Anakin would probably think things so far have gone excellently.” Obi-Wan returns her look and sighs.

“Now you surely must get why I am so worried about this.” Ahsoka grins and gestures back and forth in the empty space between them with one hand.

“For what it’s worth, I think we make a good enough team.”

we stand here, together by @nightdotlight​

Summary: Master Depa Billaba and Padawan Caleb Dume.

Windu worries for them, out in the wider galaxy. Waging war, while he and Anakin sit here, waiting.

But he trained Billaba, and Billaba is training Dume. Anakin once took lessons from her, when he himself was a Padawan, and he knows she is skilled enough by far, to ensure that both she and her student make it back to Coruscant safely.

It’s ironic, that when cut off from the Force he can understand other people better than he has in years.

ZOWEE!!!! This fic made me ugly cry on my conference period at school!! Ha! Another fic that culminates in, er...death. But!!!! The lead-up! Ooh, baby! The writing style of this one is also very fresh and unique which I appreciate as someone who essentially reads the same thing eight million ways (by choice, mind you!!!! and loves it every time!!!!). This is just an absolute gem of a fic. Queue: your best crying playlist.

A moment I loved: 

Depa, her Padawan braid hanging from her shoulder, hugs him around his middle and drags him to the training salles. The whole way, her laughter follows them– warm, like summer rain. Like the smallest, most ephemeral moments of happiness.

Her smile feels like a sunset on his back, and Mace smiles back even as they spar, as green and purple clash over and over again in a dance unique to teacher and student.

He does not need to reach out to know the galaxy is at peace. When they take a break from their own spar, Mace feels a light tap on his presence in the Force; when he turns, Ahsoka Tano stands there in training robes, her own Master a few paces behind– and beside him, Obi-Wan Kenobi, face lighter than it has been in years.

Her Padawan beads hang from her headdress; when she smiles at the banter behind her, turning to retort, they catch the light, and the half-formed impression of those beads torn asunder and held in gloved hand is dissipated by the glare.

Only Hope by @tessiete

Summary: The infamous "Year on the Run".In the wake of her father's death, Satine is assigned two Jedi to escort her safely back to Mandalore, but in the chaotic aftermath of a civil war, there is more at stake than one person's survival. Together, they work to unite Mandalore, overcome ancient grudges, and bring peace to a world ravaged by bloodshed.

Man, oh man, do I love a good year on the run fic! And man oh man am I loving the heck out of this one. It’s in progress so go ahead give it a bookmark and a subscription while you’re at it!!!! But the banter! The sass! The (I assume soon to come) pining! The Qui-Gon third wheeling! READ IT! Cannot recommend highly enough.

A moment I loved: 

“...and you’re bound to be hungry.”

“I assure you, I’m not.”

“Well, Obi-Wan is,” Jinn asserts. His back is to his apprentice and so he cannot see the mutinous glance which darts his way. “And as you’ve seen, he’s trouble when he isn’t fed. You have five minutes.”

Goes to Ground by jerseydevious

Summary: Obi-Wan has a question for Anakin following his experiences on Zygerria.

Silly Jedi boys trying and failing to communicate, gosh dang it!!! They get there, eventually, though. :’) Some post Zygerria angst and some tough discussions. HERE. FOR. IT. 

A moment I loved: 

“You are a bad influence, padawan mine,” Obi-Wan said. He gave Anakin that smile, the one that made Anakin feel like he shared a secret with his Master, something only for them.

In Sacrifice, Peace by @ilonga

Summary: “Shh. . .” Anakin says, gathering the younglings around him, reminding Obi-wan of all those whispered arguments where he had insisted to Anakin that yes, he was good with children, he’d be just fine teaching Ahsoka. He can almost feel the terror rising off Anakin from the hologram; Anakin doesn’t know what’s happening either. But he isn’t letting the younglings feel it. “You need to listen to me very carefully, okay? This--” his voice breaks, “--this is going to be scary. But you have to be calm, and strong. Just like Master Yoda taught you.” [Or, the ROTS au where Obi-wan finds a very different type of pain while looking through the Temple's recordings of Order 66.]

PAIN AWAITS YOU HERE! But that is exactly why you should click, kudos, comment, bookmark, and let this fic live in your head rent free like it’s living in mine. Truly couldn’t get it out of there if I wanted to! AND I DO NOT! Yet another deathfic and angst with The Team (TM). Read it, peeps.

A moment I loved: 

“And then?”Obi-wan closes his eyes, pretends he can’t feel the weight of the body in his arms, pretends it’s really Anakin he’s talking to and not some worrying coping mechanism. “And then we fight.” he says.

to hold by @katierosefun

Summary: “What—” Ahsoka looked up and, where she had expected to find a mumbling drunk, she found instead—

“Master Kenobi?” Ahsoka asked, stunned. She straightened, already swinging her backpack around herself again.

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan managed. He was breathing hard, just barely bent over because he was supporting, Ahsoka realized dumbly, Anakin.

Anakin, whose head was lolling against Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Whose face was two shades too pale and eyes fluttering and lips parted in a soundless groan that brought Ahsoka right back to battlefields and med bays and other places that she hadn’t been in a long, long while. [or: after leaving the Order, Ahsoka runs into some familiar faces.]

Caroline at it again with the post-wrong-jedi disaster trio angst comin’ in hot! Some platonic bed-sharing, some confused Anakin, some conflicted Ahsoka, some pained Obi-Wan. Well–strike that. They’re all in pain. But what do we expect, honestly? What do we want, honestly? Pain. We want pain.

A moment I loved: 

“Only another dream,” Obi-Wan said. He looked at Ahsoka, his face just barely shadowed. “Seems that it’s passed.”

Another. 

Ahsoka’s stomach twisted. She looked at the hand she was holding. It was strange—she couldn’t remember if she had ever actually held onto Anakin’s hand this tightly before, but now she could feel the familiar callouses, make out just the faintest of old scars. Ahsoka squeezed it once.

Not near as many as I planned to do or have saved and ready to rec, but...this already got, er...quite lengthy. So! Same time, next week! I’ll have some more! (Well, probably not same time and maybe not even next week...but soon.) 

[lowlights]

Safe Haven

This is for @ezras-channel-rat, who needed some Maxie comfort. Like the reader and many others, I have a chronic health condition that puts me at greater risk for Covid. The anxiety and exhaustion is real, y'all. Some things can be controlled, and some things can't. Max is here to help control what he can- in a post-movie healthy way!

Reader is female and Type 1 Diabetic.

-

You are exhausted.

It’s going on two years of this mess, and you are tired. Everyone is, and you know it. You’ve watched as the world has gone back to some semblance of normal, even when they shouldn’t have. Maybe to them catching the virus wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

You don’t have the luxury of finding out.

Despite every precaution you could take, you got exposed to the virus. So here you sit, in the small house you shared with Maxwell Lorenzano, formally Max Lord. His old life felt like it was eons ago, especially once he found you. You helped him continue to learn what was important in life and how to be the best father to Alistair and husband to you.

Max walks up the stairs and finds you deep in your thoughts, looking out the window from where you are tucked into the loveseat that sits in your little library.

“Is Alistair ok?” you ask, concern evident in your voice.

Max comes over to sit next to you, letting his arm drape across your shoulder. You turn and lean into him.

“He’s fine, he wasn’t exposed and is staying with Lena next door until you get your test results back. Which I’m sure will be negative, bonita,” Max says with a kind smile as he looks down at you. He kisses your forehead and makes a worried noise.

“You feel a little clammy, have you checked your blood sugar recently?” Max is already standing to go find your kit. You think you have, but you’re a little confused about what time it is. How long have you been lost in thought up here?

“I don’t feel very good,” you whisper out to yourself. Oh god, is this what it feels like if you’ve gotten sick?

Max is back in a flash and is prepping you for your blood sugar reading. He doesn’t see how your lip quivers, or how the tears are starting to fall down your face. “Max, what if it’s the virus?” You know that you’re more at risk with your health condition, and the fear has been eating away at you for months upon months.

Shaking his head, Max holds up the meter for you to see. “It’s not Covid, you’re just a little low. I’m going to get you some juice,” Max says resolutely as he cleans up the test kit and goes to the little fridge next to your bed.

When he returns, you drink the small bottle of orange juice quickly. Max pulls you close against him as you cry, letting out all of your frustration and anxiety. Max just holds you, rocking you gently and laying soft kisses into your hair as you cry. He knows that this has been a nightmare for you and that the stress of constantly worrying about your health was overwhelming at times.

After a few minutes your crying subsides, and you sit boneless and emotionally wrung out against him. The old Max would have sprung into action, trying desperately to bend the world to his will. He would have bribed people to rush your results or find out who had exposed you and made their lives hell for threatening the health of his wife. But you had taught him that world didn’t work like that, that you didn’t need a perfect life full of gifts and luxuries to love him.

You loved him because he was there. Because he knew when you needed a blood sugar check. Because he knew how to truly care for you. Because he knew how to love you.

You had Max and Alistair, what more could you need? Besides a negative Covid test and maybe a distraction right now, not much.

Max seems to sense this and reaches for the book that he had been reading aloud to you. Without another word, he settles into the story and you let his sweet voice echo inside your heart as he reads to you. You turn the pages for him, since his arm is wrapped around you again, and he even gets you to laugh when he does silly voices for the characters at one point.

Yes, the outside world feels scary right now. But inside these walls, Max makes you feel safe.