#edit 23/07: turns out i do NOT have limits on how much i put in one post

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Hello,

Sorry about this essay entering your inbox and this certainly isn’t me disagreeing with you, or any criticism, more of an addition.

I wanted to add another perspective to your thoughts on Crowley, his flaws and how S2 may change his and Aziraphale’s relationship.

They are very human flaws, and seemingly unique and important to him as a demon. As Aziraphale’s flaws are unique and important to him as an Angel.

From what we’ve heard of pre fall crowley, he didn’t give Aziraphale much thought on their first meeting. Also, it sounds as if Crowley was somebody important in Heaven. And from what we know of high ranking angels - they are callous, unforgiving, unfeeling and the boss everyone dislikes. This appears to be Heaven’s idea of a good Angel, given their responses to Aziraphale ‘the traitor.’

Crowley, to me, sounds he was doing his job, well in the eyes of head office. He was just another high ranking angel getting on with it. Not a nice/good person from a human perspective but, if anything, flawless from Heaven’s perspective.

That was until he started asking questions, hanging around with the wrong people and sauntered vaguely downwards. Then he and Aziraphale met again, with Crowley now the ‘lesser’ being. Good triumphs over evil, surely? And this Angel he has met shouldn’t give him the time of day, like Crowley didn’t to a ‘lesser’ angel (can you imagine, if he remembers, how guilty Crowley probably now feels about this.)

But Aziraphale listens to his prattling about the tree and the flaws in God’s plans, engages with him and then shelters him. This angel has feelings, he is different, he cares about others. He gave away his flaming sword and indulges in gross matter- moves that make him a flawed angel in the eyes of Heaven.

Endearingly, Aziraphale is a well intentioned bitch.

And with Crowley possibly doing good with the whole eat the apple business and later kindness, he is a flawed demon in Hell’s view. Hell’s requirements of a good employee are cruelty, wickedness and finding murder a fun activity on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

But, kindly, Crowley is a daft, soft cockblanket.

And it’s what I feel GO is about. Balance between good and evil, finding your own side and not always becoming what others intended you to become.

Each of them stand out from their original sides because of their complexity and flaws, which is why they fit and work so well together, and have been able to for 6000 years. Neither is perfect and neither is horrible, and any criticisms they can find in the other also exists in themselves. Seemingly the only two entities like this- with possible exceptions - so they know they need each other. They’re the only two that can truly empathise with one another.

I don’t necessarily excuse these flaws and mistakes (pre-fall classism, the bandstand, I’m the nice one, how can someone as clever as you be so stupid and so on) but they can be explained. And a relationship is about how you move through your mistakes and flaws together, not being free of them.

If this has made no sense I apologise. I do struggle with expressing my own views. 💛

hellooooo @ezra-fell!!!✨✨

gOSH yes this is an essay but fuck if im not gonna do my best to provide you with a response worthy of your message!!!!

i will just start by saying i don't think any one person's opinion or perspective is correct per se, i certainly don't think mine is flawless, but it is kind of what i feel could at least possibly be a theme in s2 or even s3 or just in general, and if it isn't cool, it will firmly remain a hc and im happy with that!!!

for anyone reading, i will just reiterate once again that im not here to cause argument or discourse, i literally just write unhinged ramblings about these characters (both of whom i love DEARLY and are v important to me for various reasons), and yeah my opinion is NOT correct by any stretch, but it's AN opinion✨💓

going into a cut because my answer will probably be just as lengthy!

totally agree with you on everything you've said about crowley. i do not for one sec think that his character as an angel is like an issue (other than being a bit of a knob but as you said, if he's an Archangel or lesser Archangel (ie like sandalphon), then yes this characterisation makes perfect sense and is awesome in terms of how his character changes when he becomes a demon)

i also completely agree on your point about it being about balance (literally just talked about this in another post im going meta-feral at the mo), i do think thats the main theme of the story. i guess what i was trying (and failing) to say is that aziraphale's view of crowley might possibly be an entirely human one.

let's get personal bc at this point bc i can't speak from everyone elses perspective - ive been aziraphale in this scenario (the scenario i put forward in my post from earlier). ive been in a long term relationship, and had a major incident happen about 18 months ago. that person is who i loved and cherished more than anyone in the world, but after a lot of therapy and a lot of communication, i realised that whilst i loved them and thought they were absolute perfection, flaws and all, i had placed them on a pedestal of who i thought they were and who i wanted them to be.

so obvs with aziraphale his faith is very literal (i have no religious faith), but my faith in my person was so unquestionable and unyielding, that i also ended up hurting myself (emotionally, no CWs here!!) to find out that the flaws that i had idolised and thought were perfect actually came around to bite me in the ass, and honestly? at the time, i didn't like what i found. i still loved that person, still found them attractive and lovely etc, but my faith in them was completely shattered, and i hadn't realised until that point that love and faith are completely different things. i had initially believed that in being with someone, the two were synonymous. they aren't.

now sorry to get so personal on main lmao, and i realise that this may well be a great deal of projection of myself into aziraphale (don't we all do that tho???) and i truly recognise that, but it just feels to me that this 'reckoning' that's coming -- whilst it might not be entirely what ive said (id be utterly flabbergasted if it was) -- might be something similar. i want the boys to be happy and together and unassailable as much as the next person, but somehow i feel like we'll need to wait for s3 for that dream to be completely realised, and for the boys to take each other as they are, not as they thought they saw them initially. i hope im wrong, we'll just have to see.

i hope that's an appropriate answer to your ask, but tldr i agree with everything you said, i just have limits as to how much i necessarily discuss in one post haha!!!✨💓💓

[thran-duils]

Thran-duils’ heavily encouraged dark!character writing challenge

I’ve wanted to host a writing/prompt challenge for a long time but I’ve always been too nervous (it’s a perpetual thing lmao). Well, I am taking the dive! Rules and all the information below the cut!

Credit to @santacarlahorrorshow for the lovely header! <3

RULES

1. This challenge is 18+. Seriously, don’t be a dick and ignore this rule.

2. Following that, all characters and reader insert are to be 18+

3. I really, really, really encourage dark!characters or dark!reader or both (soft!dark, dark, heavy!dark) for this but they do not have to be if that makes you uncomfortable. A lot of these prompts are going to be leaning towards dark but there are ways to not utilize them that way I’m sure!

4. These fics are to be reader insert.

5. Fandoms accepted are: Supernatural, Marvel, The Walking Dead, and Lord of the Rings verse (I’m begging for some Thranduil here lmao no shame).

6. All characters welcome! But please do not use real life actors for this!

7. Please do not write beastiality. That’s really the only thing I’m gonna be like “plz don’t” kink about.

8. The fics for this must be new, not adding to an already existing story. They can be drabbles, one shots, or a starting chapter for a new series.

9. I went back and forth about this but I think I am not going to put a limit on how many people can choose a prompt. This may come back to backfire on me but one prompt just might be popular and it would be fun to see what variations can come from it!

10. Send me an ask with your prompt you would like and character/s. I will tag you next to the prompt.

11. If you need to back out of the challenge, send me a DM and I will remove you. Things happen!

12. Make sure to tag your fics appropriately if they are dark! Not only does this help people avoid triggers but also you’ve done your due diligence to tell people to gtfo and if they don’t, well, then that’s on them.

13. You do not need to be following me to participate!

14. Please tag the fics as #thranduilswritingchallenge and also tag me to make sure I see it!

15. For lyrics and quotes, please use them in the fic! If there’s breaks in the lyric, feel free to break it up in the fic though. Situations are for encouragement. I did edit one lyric, Olivia O’Brien. I put the songs next to the lyrics in case you want to listen to the song.

16. The deadline for this challenge is September 4, 2021. I will make a masterpost and I will post it either 9/5 or 9/6!

Lyric Prompts

01. “You right, I got my guy. But I, I can’t help it, I want you” (You Right by Doja Cat)

02. “Good girls don’t cry and good girls don’t lie” (Good Girls by CHVRCHES)

03. “But you keep breaking me apart” (Fabric by Half Waif)

04. “Dance like you’re not a liar” (Last Night of an Empire by Imogen Heap) 05. “Two nights in a row, now I know that it’s broken” (Two Nights by Lykke Li) 06. “I want my ring back, baby, that’s a diamond” (Violent by carolesdaughter) 07. “I’ll show you how revenge can taste so sweet” (King by Lilith Czar) 08. “It’s certified, I’m not the nice one” (The Devil by Banks) 09. “Learn to take a hint. I thought I fucking told [you]” (No More Friends by Olivia O’Brien) 10. “What have you been doing? Don’t forget I am your home” (Purge the Poison by MARINA) --> @phantomwarrior12 (Dark!Gabriel) 11. “If I ever gave you a good reason to say goodbye I would regret it” (Getaway by VINCINT) 12. “Find your way back to my bed again” (Tulsa Jesus Freak by Lana Del Rey)

13. “Stop defending me, we’ll go down together” (Night Sway by Dance Gavin Dance)

14. “Don’t apologize for things you really felt” (Love Somebody Else by lovelytheband)

15. “Feeling stuck is fucking up my sanity” (All Your Love by Sir Sly)

16. “You’re so perfect from the outside. I stalked and studied away” (Who I Am by Code Orange)

17. “I used to know you. I never got you back” (Sideways by The Anix)

18. “You show up when I’m all alone” (Numb by Kiiara)

19. “Look out the window, see what you could’ve had” (Weird Leisure by Biffy Clyro)

20. “I hope that I mean it. Doubt it, right? Yeah, so do I” (AWOL by Every Time I Die)

Quote Prompts

01. “Hold out your tongue.”

02. “Can you keep a secret?”

03. “Temper, temper…”

04. “I don’t really feel like fighting.”

05. “Loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction.” – David Jones

06. “Why are there weapons in my bathroom?”

07. “Go to hell!” “And leave you here all alone?”

08. “I love you.” “Don’t do that to yourself.”

09. “Here. Hold my morals.” --> @shadowshamrock (Dark!Sam Winchester)

10. “Hungry dogs are never loyal.” --> @mdemontespan1667​ (Dark!Jake Jensen)

11. “The girl I’ve heard so much about.”

12. “I was protecting you!”

13. “Just because you’re speaking in a different language doesn’t mean I don’t know you’re cursing me out.”

14. “Oh, don’t blame them. They did their best to try to kill me.”

15. “I don’t know how I would survive without you.”

16. “The whole world thinks you’re dead.”

17. “I wanted to see how you are doing.”

18. “How do we keep getting into these situations?”

19. “You stay awake, do you hear me?”

20. “I’ll hunt you down if I have to.”

21. “Do we have to do this game all over again?”

22. “I said I would be here when you need it.” ( @dollslayer​ -- Dark!Steve Rogers)

23. “You’re quite possibly the worst liar on Earth.”

25. “What is so urgent that you had to wake me up at 2:30am?”

26. “You know if you had just listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

27.  “Could you stop being an asshole for just a moment?”

Situation prompts

01. Reader accidentally stumbles upon character burying body and is kidnapped to keep them from talking.

02. Dom!Reader denies character multiple orgasms

03. Reader is a hired assassin and does not expect their target to thwart them with their own skills.

04. Reader and character stranded on the side of the road, night is coming.

05. Reader is ignoring character’s advances and character decides to break into their home to set up a romantic dinner.

06. Winter vacation with reader and character.

07. Mutual masturbation

08. Stormy night and the power goes out. Reader and character find a way to entertain themselves.

09. Reader keeps finding things missing from their apartment and eventually finds out who is taking them.

10. Reader and/or character are in an established relationship with someone else. Unfortunately for them, sex pollen gets in the mix. And oops, one of them let it out on purpose!

11. Reader is a in a dom/sub relationship with character. Ignores dom’s orders to not go out for the night and faces the punishment when they come home.

12. Uniform change turns into something naughty.

13. Reader runs into character, who happens to be their ex that they ghosted.

14. College AU where Reader is an RA and one of their residents is hell bent on getting them to break the rules.

15. Reader goes to the cops with evidence that character is stalking them.

16. Reader being hunted by character (or even more fun, characters!).

17. Pregnant sex

Remember to have fun!!!

Tagging some people who may be interested in participating (please do not feel obligated!!): @sherrybaby14 @shadowshamrock @greenappleeyes @mcudarklibrary @mcnegan @afanofmanystuffs

[jcounts83-blog-blog-blog]

Passport to the Brave New World: the Vaccine

I have already written about the currency reset and other features of a technocratic future waiting in the wings. —New levels of visible surveillance, social credit scores, universal guaranteed income, Internet of Things, energy-use quotas, smart cities.

—Events can move in several directions, going forward. In this article, I explore one of those directions.

The occasion is this fake pandemic; the big hammer is the vaccine against the phony COVID.

As Fauci mentioned a couple of months ago, it could be a DNA vaccine—new technology—which means it is really gene therapy. Synthesized genes are injected into the body. They purportedly set up immunity. Actually, they PERMANENTLY alter the genetic makeup of the recipient. Jabbed: How the Vaccin... Wilcox, Brett Best Price: $13.02 Buy New $13.05 (as of 03:50 EST - Details) 

As you can imagine, this creates the opportunity to put many different genes into humans. To try to invent “new humans.”

The so-called immunity certificates Fauci is now talking about? They would be issued to people who test positive on the new antibody tests for COVID-19—which is an interesting turnaround, because, since 1984, positive tests results have generally been taken to mean “infected.” Why the shift?

Because there is a need for these immunity certificates—as an INTRO to condition the population to an IDEA.

If and when the COVID vaccine arrives, the certificates would be used to signify immunity for all those who take the shot.

It would function as a license. Your passport into the Brave New World. You’re “immune,” so you’re allowed to move out of fear mode. And circulate and travel and enter schools…

For DNA vaccines, the reference is the New York Times, 3/15/15, “Protection Without a Vaccine.” It describes the frontier of research. Here are key quotes that illustrate the use of synthetic genes to “protect against disease,” while changing the genetic makeup of humans. This is not science fiction:

“By delivering synthetic genes into the muscles of the [experimental] monkeys, the scientists are essentially re-engineering the animals to resist disease.”

“’The sky’s the limit,’ said Michael Farzan, an immunologist at Scripps and lead author of the new study.”

“The first human trial based on this strategy — called immunoprophylaxis by gene transfer, or I.G.T. — is underway, and several new ones are planned.” [That was five years ago.]

“I.G.T. is altogether different from traditional vaccination. It is instead a form of gene therapy. Scientists isolate the genes that produce powerful antibodies against certain diseases and then synthesize artificial versions. The genes are placed into viruses and injected into human tissue, usually muscle.”

Here is the punchline: “The viruses invade human cells with their DNA payloads, and the synthetic gene is incorporated into the recipient’s own DNA. If all goes well, the new genes instruct the cells to begin manufacturing powerful antibodies.”

Read that again: “the synthetic gene is incorporated into the recipient’s own DNA.”

Alteration of the human genetic makeup.

Not just a “visit.” Permanent residence.

The Times article taps Dr. David Baltimore for an opinion:

“Still, Dr. Baltimore says that he envisions that some people might be leery of a vaccination strategy that means altering their own DNA, even if it prevents a potentially fatal disease.”

Yes, some people might be leery. If they have two or three working brain cells.

This is genetic roulette with a loaded gun.

And the further implications are clear. Vaccines can be used as a cover for the injections of any and all genes, whose actual purpose is unannounced.

The vaccine masters have a problem. They know their genetic technology is far from perfect. Plans to re-engineer the human race are not a simple one two three.

For example, consider the latest and greatest genetic tool, called CRISPR.

Here is a backgrounder I wrote a year ago.

New CRISPR gene-editing: the extreme dangers

Technologynetworks.com (6/26/17): “CRISPR gene editing is taking biomedical research by storm. Providing the ultimate toolbox for genetic manipulation, many new applications for this technology are now being investigated and established. CRISPR systems are already delivering superior genetic models for fundamental disease research, drug screening and therapy development, rapid diagnostics, in vivo editing and correction of heritable conditions and now the first human CRISPR clinical trials.”

All hail. 

It’s called CRISPR, a much faster, more precise, and cheaper technique for editing genes. Researchers are in love with it. You can find hundreds of articles and studies fawning over the innovation.

At phys.org, however, we have this, ahem, warning note (5/29/17): “…a new study published in Nature Methods has found that the gene-editing technology can introduce hundreds of unintended mutations into the genome.”

Oops.

“In the new study, the researchers sequenced the entire genome of mice that had undergone CRISPR gene editing in the team’s previous study and looked for all mutations, including those that only altered a single nucleotide.”

“The researchers determined that CRISPR had successfully corrected a gene that causes blindness, but Kellie Schaefer, a PhD student in the lab of Vinit Mahajan, MD, PhD, associate professor of ophthalmology at Stanford University, and co-author of the study, found that the genomes of two independent gene therapy recipients [mice] HAD SUSTAINED MORE THAN 1500 SINGLE-NUCLEOTIDE MUTATIONS AND MORE THAN 100 LARGER [GENE] DELETIONS AND INSERTIONS. None of these DNA mutations were predicted by computer algorithms that are widely used by researchers to look for off-target effects.” (Emphasis is mine.)

“’Researchers who aren’t using whole genome sequencing to find off-target effects may be missing potentially important mutations,’ Dr. Tsang says. ‘Even a single nucleotide change can have a huge impact’.”

Genetic roulette is alive and well.

Spin the wheel, see what numbers come up. Good effects, bad effects, who knows? Step right up and take your chances.

Of course, researchers who admit these tremendous problems remain optimistic. They look forward to “refining the method.” That’s a cover for: “we really don’t know what we’re doing right now.”

Unfortunately, much science operates in this fashion. Launch a new technology, and turn a blind eye to the consequences. For example, place mercury, a devastating neurotoxin, in vaccines. What harm could result—aside from the destruction of children’s brains.

Here is more gushing PR, otherwise known as throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks: “There are weekly press releases and updates on new advances [in CRISPR] and discoveries made possible with this technology; the first evidence is now emerging that CRISPR-Cas9 could provide cures for major diseases including cancers and devastating human viruses such as HIV-1.” (technologynetworks.com)

The train has left the station. Deadly Medicines and O... Peter Gotzsche Best Price: $38.43 Buy New $33.29 (as of 07:20 EST - Details)

And just in case you think only the most careful and competent leading lights of the genetic research community would be permitted to get within a mile of CRISPR, here is more from technologynetworks.com:

“CRISPR-Cas9 systems, tools and basic methodology are very accessible as ready to go toolkits that anyone with lab space and an idea can pick up and start working with…In response to a growing need, companies such as Desktop Genetics have developed open access software to accelerate CRISPR experimentation and analysis.”

That’s good to know. “Anyone with lab space and an idea” can jump on board and have at it.

Do your own cross breeding of the pregnant phrases, “What could possibly go wrong,” and “Nothing to see here, move along,” and you’ve summarized the situation.

“They say they cured my anemia, but now I turn green and purple and I keep falling down.”

If all this isn’t enough to make you see the dangers of CRISPR, consider this statement about engineering human immune cells (T-cells) in a “safer” way. From statnews.com (June 23, 2013):

“The experiment would alter the immune system’s T cells only after they’re removed from a patient. That gives scientists the chance to screen the CRISPR’d cells to make sure only the three intended genes, all involved in making T cells find and destroy tumor cells, are altered. But after those T cells are infused back into a patient to fight melanoma, sarcoma, or myeloma, the CRISPR system can keep editing DNA, and tracking such edits becomes like following a polar bear in a snowstorm.”

Not very comforting. Once set in motion, even under the most protected and limited conditions, CRISPR can keep on working, scrambling genes in unknown ways.

So…when it comes to DNA vaccines, aka gene therapy, a plan to precisely re-engineer humans could quite easily descend into uncontrolled chaos.

And the controllers and elite funders of the vaccine know that.

What to do?

With the global population as their guinea pigs, perhaps they would start small. Introduce the slightest possible gene-alteration, stand back and see what happens. Try out a gene that would ordinarily—hopefully—achieve next to nothing. Try to measure the results.

Viewed from one angle, the whole fake epidemic is a set-up for the vaccine, and for mandatory vaccines.

I have written about the special exemption from liability recently issued by the US Dept. of Health and Human Services. Basically, anyone associated with pharmaceutical strategies undertaken “against the coronavirus” cannot be sued, regardless of “adverse effects” of medicines or vaccines.

Taking a stand against mandatory vaccines—any and all vaccines—is more important than ever.

-Jon Rappaport

[matty-colt-blog]

how to be three and a half hours late. // timeline.

subject: the ride up to the mountains & related hijinks.

characters: @matty-colt, @mvcnessa, @cassandra-rainwater, @eamon-eldridge

setting: day one, eight am to three-thirty pm.

content warning: drinking & driving.

tl;dr: the girls took forever to get ready, eamon almost bailed, matty had a run-in with a cop, and the gang got stupid lost in the mountains (thanks, linda).

note: this timeline was written one character at a time, starting with matty, then passed onto peach for vanessa’s perspective, then to jess for cassie’s, then to john for eamon’s. finally it got a few edits by yours truly and then was sent back in its entirety to all the writers for any final adjustments. what resulted was a much more complete picture of the drive up, and it was a fun way to get around the whole multiple-muses-one-event issue without doing a 4-way para or a bunch of canon-diverging self-paras. if anyone wants to try this in the future, i'd recommend it! 

the good stuff’s under the cut.

Cassie, 7:55 AM: God, no, is that my alarm already? Nessa and I stayed up way too damn late last night.

Vanessa, 8:03 AM:Whose idea was it to get up at 8?

Cassie, 8:35 AM: Okay, shower done. I need to dry my hair and then I should probably help Nessa finish packing.

Vanessa, 8:37 AM: I’ve finally made it into the shower, but it was probably a bad idea to get in last since I’m not completely finished packing… Oops.

Cassie, 9:25 AM: Shit, where are my boots? Please don’t tell me I left them at home.

Eamon, 9:30 AM: My third alarm’s gone off but I’m still laying in bed.  Matty’s supposed to be here with his car in like a half hour and I haven’t even showered. Shit, I should definitely shower. 

Matty, 9:32 AM: Car packed, XM station picked (Road Trip Favourites), ready to hit the road. Next stop: V’s place. Let’s all pray that the girls are ready. We’re on a tight schedule here.

Vanessa, 9:44 AM: Matty’s here and we’re still not ready. I’m getting my last minute things together, but I don’t really know where Cass went? I yell for her.

Cassie, 9:44 AM: Nessa’s calling for me and I still haven’t found my boots. Fuck.

Matty, 9:51 AM: Been outside V’s place for about five minutes. I wanna go in and check on them but god knows if I do we’ll never get out of here.

Matty, 9:57 AM: Texted V. She says they’ll be five minutes, so it’ll be at least fifteen.

Eamon, 9:58 AM:  And I still haven’t showered.  Instead I’m looking at Cassie’s Facebook feeling like a loser.  Wow, how the fuck am I supposed to face her?  Or anyone.  I text Matty to give me like, five-ten extra minutes and hit the shower.

Matty, 10:00 AM: I text E back three robot faces. Hopefully that gets the point across. At this point, I have no idea when we'll get to his place.

Vanessa, 10:02 AM: Where the fuck is my backpack???

Cassie, 10:03 AM: Found my boots, but now Nessa can’t find her backpack. We’re never going to leave.

Matty, 10:05 AM: Rush comes on the radio. Nice. Jam out for a while.

Matty, 10:12 AM: Going a little stir crazy. Got my ball and started doing drills up the sidewalk. Got bored with that and just started seeing how high up in the air I could throw it.

Eamon, 10:13 AM:  I get out of the shower and start moving downstairs.  I put all my stuff together last night at like, 4AM because I couldn’t sleep.  At least it’s saving my ass now that I’m late.

Matty 10:18 AM: Apologized to Mrs. Martin across the street for throwing a basketball into her prize rosebush.

Vanessa, 10:19 AM: Just watched Matty assault Mrs. Martin’s garden. Not to be mean, but her reaction was hilarious. I swear I saw Matty laugh.

Cassie, 10:19 AM: Matty just ruined Mrs. Martin’s rosebush. I half expected her to turn him over he knee in the middle of the street. It was amazing.

Matty, 10:20 AM: THE DOOR IS OPEN. HALLELUJAH.

Eamon, 10:20 AM: Where the fuck are they?

Matty, 10:22 AM: Give Mrs. Moore a hug and shake Mr. Moore’s hand. Tell him he better lock up the Missus or I’m gonna scoop her up for myself. They both laugh. She is pretty hot, though. In a MILF-y way. V’s gonna age real well.

Vanessa, 10:22 AM: They laughed, but they don’t really know him. I roll my eyes before hugging my parents goodbye.

Matty, 10:25 AM: V and Cassie are still standing in the foyer trying to figure out who’s gonna carry what to the car. I’m losing my mind waiting, so I tell them I’ll take it all. V looks skeptical. Cassie outright laughs.

Eamon, 10:29 AM: I’ve convinced myself they’ve ditched me and start pacing the foyer of my apartment complex.  I start berating myself for thinking anyone wanted me to come on this stupid trip.  Sam probably only sent the event to me out of pity.

Matty, 10:32 AM: Okay, so, the important part is that we all know that I am very strong and got all of the bags and the cooler, like, three-quarters of the way to the car before I tripped on a decorative rock. In my defense, the cooler was blocking my view of the ground.

Cassie, 10:34 AM: I’m never letting Matty try to show off again. (That’s a lie. It’s kind of cute when he does.)

Vanessa, 10:35 AM: Matty ate shit trying to play strong man and carrying our stuff to the car. I appreciated it to begin with, but after laughing so hard I nearly fell to the ground myself I have a new found love for that kid.

Matty, 10:36 AM: The girls seem... charmed? Apparently I'm so lovable I can pull off the hapless idiot look. Nice.

Matty, 10:40 AM: Car packed, road drinks distributed (none for me until we’re out of city limits), radio on (although this station seems to have taken a distinctly country turn). Cassie called shotgun infinity when we were like ten (a source of much debate, but I don’t fight her on it), so she’s up front.

Cassie, 10:41 AM: Settled in my forever seat up front with road drink numero uno. This is going to be a fabulous trip. Although this Kenny Chesney song is killing me slowly.

Eamon, 10:41 AM: I think about texting Matty but decide against it.  It would just seem desperate at this point.

Matty, 10:43 AM: Back on the road, forty-three minutes behind schedule.

Vanessa, 10:44 AM: Oh. My. God! MR. AMAN in his pink shorts!!! I can’t believe he still runs this route every day! Literally nothing has changed in this place.

Matty, 10:44 AM: Vanessa nearly screams and I jump. She points at Mr. Aman, running the same route he has since we were toddlers in his same ridiculous pink short-shorts. We all laugh and wave. Some things never change.

Cassie, 10:44 AM: I cannot believe Mr. Aman is still running around scarring children for life in those shorts. That guy’s gotta be like 90 or something now right?

Eamon 10:45 AM: Fuck it, I’m going back upstairs.  I start lugging my gear back towards the elevator.

Vanessa, 11:02 AM: I forgot that Eamon was driving up with us for a second, we’re so close to the mall. He’s lucky he lives so close… Did I bring my other boots?

Cassie, 11:04 AM: I totally forgot Eamon was coming with us. Haven’t spoken to him since senior year. This is gonna be hella awkward.

Matty, 11:06 AM: Finally get to E’s place. The proximity to the mall makes me nervous that V’s gonna suddenly remember something she needs.

Eamon, 11:07 AM: I’m finally finished getting the three of my bags and my iced tea back upstairs when I get the ‘We're here’ text.  I plunge deeper into self-loathing as I text him back, claiming to still be running late as I hurriedly get all my shit back into the elevator.

Vanessa, 11:07 AM: I can feel Matty staring at me through the rear view mirror. I’m gonna ask Cass if she remembers if I brought those boots, they’re a necessity.

Cassie, 11:08 AM: Thankfully Nessa didn’t forget her boots, but part of me is tempted to pretend that she did just to give us an excuse to go to the mall for a bit. I don’t think Matty would appreciate it though.

Eamon, 11:17 AM: I’m super out of breath but I try to play it off, waving at everyone as I finish dragging everything back out towards the car.

Matty, 11:18 AM: Get out to help him with his stuff. Go for a hug, and regret it immediately. I don’t think he’s into it.

Eamon, 11:18 AM: Matty goes to hug me and I shrink away.  I don’t want to give away how sweaty I am.

Matty, 11:20 AM: …I’m pretty sure one of these bags is just candy.

Matty, 11:23 AM: Car packed, radio on, second round of road drinks distributed (this time I take a swig of Cassie’s, wink at E in the back.) This is how an efficient pick up is done. Take note, ladies.

Eamon, 11:23 AM: I sit in the very back, avoiding eye contact with both of the girls.  I’m not still mad at Cassie, but I’m sure she’s still pissed at me.  I look up at the front and notice Matty taking a swig of something definitely alcoholic and he winks at me.  Dear Jesus, this was a horrible idea and we’re all going to die.

Matty, 11:25 AM: On the road, headed towards the 60. I yell back an apology to E, explaining that some people don’t just wake up as naturally stunning as he does. I smirk at the girls.

Eamon, 11:26 AM: I tell Matty I didn’t mind and that it gave me time to herd out the guys from last night’s orgy.  I am immediately filled with regret and decide to dig into the pixi stix in my bag.

Matty, 11:26 AM:I make some joke like 'Where was my invite?' but I say it too quiet and Cassie's the only one that hears.

Cassie, 11:27 AM: Only Matty has the ability to make me roll my eyes twice in as many minutes.

Matty, 11:29 AM: Getting sick of this XM station. Too much John Denver. Switch to Club Hits. The girls seem into it. I don’t think E knows I can see him rolling his eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Eamon, 11:29 AM: I should have expected to have my ears assaulted like this.  Fucking hell, why did I forget my fucking earphones.

Cassie, 11:31 AM: Now this is a station I can jam to. I’m the right amount of tipsy for it.

Vanessa, 11:32 AM: Finally, some fun music. One whole not-water bottle later I’m a little too lit for acoustic, Cass clearly agrees. I try to get E to jam with us.

Eamon, 11:32 AM: Nessa’s positivity is infectious, so I laugh and tell her that I had a reputation to uphold as resident music snob.  I can’t be seen dancing to this.  I don’t mention how I’m pretty sure the whole car would make fun of me if I did.

Matty, 11:45 AM: Third round of drinks. I take a swig of V’s this time. I follow it with a shit ton of Gatorade, so don’t freak out or anything, it’s fine. Kinda gotta piss, though.

Matty, 11:55 AM: Nope. I really gotta piss.

Matty, 11:57 AM: We’re not quite out of civilization yet, but we’re a good half hour from the Last Chance gas station, so I pull up to the side of the road and tell the gang I’ll be right back. (Eye rolls, a “Gross, Matt”. They’re just jealous none of them can do it.)

Eamon, 11:57 AM: I give Matty a hard time, but…I’m jealous.  Fuck.

Matty, 11:59 AM: Sweet relief.

Matty, 12:00 PM: I swear to god, that cop car appeared out of thin air. Do people get booked for public urination? It’s gotta be a fine, right?

Eamon, 12:05 PM: I am melting into my seat when the police officer pulls us over.  I’ve done nothing wrong, but they’ve always just made me nervous.

Matty, 12:21 PM: Good news! The kindly officer of the law was a Devils fan! Once he realized who I was, he ripped up the ticket and we took a couple selfies and shot the shit. A little bit of a hold up, but we’re off scott-free! Gotta admit, there are some serious perks to this line of work.

Vanessa, 12:22 PM: Who would’ve thought Matty’s basketball career would save us? I’m just relieved I didn’t have to call my dad to get us out of it.

Cassie, 12:22 PM: I cannot believe Matty managed to not get a ticket because he plays basketball. What fucking luck.

Eamon, 12:22 PM:  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you God.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Matty, 12:23 PM: Wow. I am so lucky he didn’t look in the car. So many open containers.

Matty, 12:42 PM: We are officially off the beaten path! Well, I mean, I guess it’s still the highway, but theres nothing but red dirt and cacti ahead of us, and not so many cars on the road. It’s not like the Superstition Mountains are exactly a vacation hot spot.

Vanessa, 12:47 PM: I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen the red sand. It feels like I’ve been gone for so long… It also makes me kind of miss California.

Cassie: 12:52 PM: Spending the last few years in Massachusetts has made me forget just how big and sparse this place can be. I kind of miss it a bit.

Eamon, 12:53 PM: On days like this, I get really nostalgic for the green trees in Montana.  Being able to look so far you can see the curve of the earth has always made me feel lonely.

Matty, 12:54 PM: The Last Chance gas station. Dirty as fuck, but they’ve got the essentials. I fill up the tank and grab a sugar-free red bull and some jerky I probably won't eat. Flirt with Cassie a little while V and Eamon use the washrooms. Fiddle with the hem of her shirt. Stare at her lips and ask how her fiance is. I’m a bad person.

Cassie, 12:54 PM: This place is disgusting there’s no way in hell I’m peeing here. I’ll just hold it until we get to the campsite or something. And to be honest I’ve kind of missed Matty’s blatant flirting too. Sending nudes just isn’t the same. He asks about Kate and I just chuckle and tell her she’s doing fine. I know he doesn’t really care.

Eamon, 12:56 PM: As much as I truly loath public restrooms, I’m not looking forward to having to squat outside.  I regret never getting the hang of an STP.  It hits me just how dysphoric this trip is going to make me feel.  I decide to take a few moments to look in the mirror and focus on good changes.  Like the fact my facial hair is coming in nicely, and that my scars have faded enough that I can actually take my shirt off on this trip.

Vanessa, 12:57 PM: These bathrooms are disgusting. Everything is stained red from the sand, covered in scuffs and scratches; and god only knows what else. I would honestly rather pee outside, it’d probably be more sanitary. Matty had the right idea.

Matty, 12:59 PM: V comes around the side of the building and I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her in with me and Cassie. The Three Amigos. Just like the old days. We’re gonna have a reaaaaal good time together up on that big, scary mountain. They roll their eyes in such perfect unison that I could’ve sworn they practiced it. V elbows me in the side and Cassie laughs. Ah, friendship.

Vanessa, 1:02 PM: Things are starting to feel more like home. I really missed these guys.

Cassie, 1:04 PM: The three musketeers are back together again. It’s amazing that it took so long for all three of us to be back in the same place at the same time. I worry that Eamon is feeling left out, though.

Eamon, 1:05 PM: I finally get out of the bathroom and see everyone laughing and talking and I feel my stomach drop.  I debate getting a pack of cigarettes to help feel better, but I decide against it since I can never remember DD’s brand.  Instead I head back to the car without so much as making eye contact.

Matty, 1:13 PM: Back on the road for the last leg of the trip. I crack a beer of my own now that we’re well and truly clear of any patrolling officers.

Eamon, 1:13 PM: I think about saying something about the beer, but I know Matty has a high tolerance and I’m knee deep in self-loathing so I leave him to it.

Cassie, 1:14 PM: I totally should have gone to the bathroom at the Last Chance gas station. Shit. I’m gonna have to ask Matty to pull over. 

Cassie, 1:16 PM: Thank god I had the foresight to pack some toilet paper.

Cassie, 1:30 PM: Okay, back in the car. Here we go.

Matty, 1:30 PM: I try to give Cass a public-urination-solidarity high-five, but she looks at me with an unprecedented level of disgust. And that's really saying something. I've said some weird shit to her in bed.

Matty, 1:35 PM: Wow. I forget how big mountains are up close.

Matty, 1:41 PM: The road is getting pretty bad. The car handles it fine, but it’s too bumpy to drink any more. Bottoms up!

Vanessa, 1:42 PM: All of us trying to chug the what was left of our drinks while Matty continued up the road was as challenging as it was funny. We surprisingly didn’t make a mess and managed to finish every last drop. The fact that we’re that good makes me think we love alcohol a little too much, but it’s 5′o’clock somewhere.

Cassie, 1:42 PM: Wow, I am honestly so proud of us for not spilling any of our alcohol.

Matty, 1:50 PM: Thank god for satellite GPS. I named this one Linda. Thank you, Linda.

Cassie, 1:51 PM: I can’t believe he named his GPS Linda. What the hell kind of name is Linda?

Matty 1:55 PM: Linda, are you sure?

Matty, 2:02 PM: This can’t be right.

Matty, 2:14 PM: Linda, where the fuck are we?

Vanessa, 2:15 PM: Listening to Matty have a one sided argument with “Linda” had to be the highlight of this entire car ride.

Matty, 2:17 PM: Okay, fuck GPS. We are strong, capable men and women. We can do this.

Matty, 2:32 PM: We’re never gonna find them. We’re gonna die up here.

Matty, 2:35 PM: We get out of that fucking car to brainstorm (and have another beer).

Vanessa, 2:37 PM: None of us know where the fuck we are. It probably doesn’t help that we’re not only a little drowsy but tipsy, too. It’s fine though… It’s fine. We’re fine. (Not fine.)

Cassie, 2:38 PM: I have absolutely no clue where we are or how to get where we need to go. I just got out of the car so I could have an excuse to drink another beer.

Matty, 2:41 PM: We get back in the car. The car has AC.

Eamon, 2:42 PM: I am the only one not diluted with alcohol so I stay outside of the car and try to find a landmark of some kind.  This should not be the near-sighted-one’s job, but here we are.

Eamon, 2:55 PM: Eventually I think I spot a familiar blur on the horizon and try and get Matty’s attention to confirm what I see.

Matty, 2:57 PM: EAMON SPOTTED ASH’S CAR. WE’RE SAVED.

Cassie, 2:58 PM: GOD BLESS, EAMON.

Vanessa, 2:58 PM: Thank God for E. I hugged him.

Eamon, 2:58 PM: I am suddenly being showered in praise and attention.  I actually hug Vanessa back and get back into the car feeling good about myself.

Matty, 2:59 PM: Okay, so, we’re on the wrong peak of the mountain. We have to drive back down and then up again, but I don’t really mind. At least we know where the fuck we’re going now. Bless you, E.

Matty, 3:32 PM: We have arrived! Reunions, hugs, awkward handshakes! Another, much needed, beer! And only…. Oh fuck. Three and a half hours late.

Vanessa, 3:32 PM: Reunited and it feels so weird, but so good. Time for hugs! This trip was definitely the right thing to do.

Cassie, 3:32 PM: I have never been so happy to be at the top of a mountain. Also, I’m not getting in a car for at least three days. Now for more drinks.

Eamon, 3:32 PM: Now that we’re actually here, it’s time to try and make amends with all the people I disappeared on.  First thing’s first: Peach O’s.