#GIVE POST CANON STAN HIS LONG HAIR BACK

[intothehandsoffate]

I love the general consensus that stan would grow out his hair into at least a mullet post-canon, because i genuinely canot tell anymore if I subscribe to the idea because I think stan would or because I think he looks hot with long hair.

[stanpinesdykewife]

hii! could I request stan/gender neutral reader fluff? maybe something along the lines of what mornings look like together? the direction you take it is absolutely up to you, thanks again YOU’RE AMAZINGGG <3

i got carried away can u tell stan's my favorite. I'M CRAZY!!! i'm crazy. also THANK YOU so much your request is amazing it gave me brainworms!!!!!! under the cut:

mornings together stan/reader (gender-neutral) pre/during/post-canon/unspecified fluff, 825 words

“Stan,” you say, nudging his shoulder. He grumbles in his sleep, rolling away from you so you're facing his back. You laugh openly, leaning further over the bed to nudge him again. Your other hand is adjusting your work pants, tugging it up and trying unsuccessfully to do your belt buckle. “Stan, wake up. You're giving me a ride to work, remember?”

“No gas,” he mumbles, pulling his arm away from you. When you poke him again, he raises a hand to wave you away. “Quit it.”

“Stanley.” Your belt is left undone as you shove him with both hands, and finally he rolls over to shoot you a glare. You just grin at him, and his face softens, just a little bit. “You're giving me a ride to work.”

“What genius came up with that idea?” he mutters, but props himself up onto his elbows with a groan. Stan rubs his eyes, some crust clinging to his lashes. His hair is all mussed up and his tank is crooked, one arm hole digging into his armpit and the other coming dangerously close to flashing a nipple. There's some dried drool on his face, from the corner of his mouth to the side of his jaw, and when he stretches his arms over his head, a series of concerning pops and cracks emit from his spine. One thing's for sure: if this were a cartoon, you'd have heart eyes.

“You did, you dork,” you say, the affection painfully clear in your voice. Stan picks the crust out of the corner of his eye and then looks at you, his brows furrowed still. He isn't glaring at you anymore—just needs his glasses. Before you can turn to look for them, he grunts and beckons you closer.

“C'mere. Gimme a kiss,” he grumbles, and you plant both hands on the bed to kiss Stan's cheek. A smile threatens his lips, but he keeps up the grumpy old man act: “What are you, Puritan?”

“I'm not kissing you until you brush your teeth,” you say matter-of-factly. Then, just to make fun, “I dunno where your mouth has been.” Stan quickly switches gears.

“You know where my mouth has been,” he says, the sleaze, and you laugh as a flush crawls up your face. Stan beams at you then, a charming, sleepy grin that makes you giddy. “Say I drive you to work. What's in it for me?”

“Here we go,” you say, rolling your eyes. Your smile cancels out any sass. “You've been awake for less than a minute and you're already hitting on me. You're a real perv, you know that?”

“Oh yeah, baby, love it when you talk dirty,” Stan says, and suddenly tugs at your wrist so you topple over. You faceplant right into his chest, and before you can react, Stan wraps his arms around you and heaves you onto him with little effort. You're laughing the whole way, eventually managing to shove your foot between the mattress and bedframe so you can push yourself up.

“Stan!” you protest, even as you grin into his shirt. Stan manhandles you so you're right on top of him, like a lizard on a log, and he holds you tight to his body with brawny arms.

“Alright. Back to bed. Goodnight,” he says promptly, tucking your head under his chin. He manages to fake one long, loud snore before you start squirming away from him. It's an impossible feat. His grip barely loosens. “Hey, what gives?”

“You're wrinkling my work shirt,” you say, and then squeal when Stan rucks up the back of your shirt like he's going to pull it off.

“Why do you need a shirt, anyway?” he snickers, and you manage to reach behind you to slap his hand away. Stan laughs and finally lets go of you. “Alright, alright!” You push yourself up, hovering over his face. You try to look mad, but you're still smiling.

“Stop fooling around,” you scold him lightly. You know for a fact Stan won't take you seriously, so your heart isn't in it. Still, you bargain, “If I give you a kiss, will you get up?”

“A trade, huh?” Stan doesn't even pretend to think. He tilts his head up at you, smug. “I'll take it.”

“Yeah, you will.” You close your eyes and lean down slightly. When you peek, Stan's closed his eyes, too, readying himself for a kiss. You shift your weight and smack his face lightly, very lightly, then roll straight out of bed and stand up. When Stan sputters, blinking his eyes open to look at you, you laugh in his face. “I'll kiss you when you brush your teeth! You really thought th—Oh, nope, you're getting up now, okay, meet you in the bathroom!”

You dash away, your undone belt buckle slapping against your thigh, your pants falling from your hips a few inches. Stan’s loud laughter follows you down the hall.

[mochiajclayne]

Hi there,

I hope you're doing well.

i read your post regarding SasuSaku and Sarada as a family and you stole the words right off my mouth.

I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions on Sasuke Retsiden because from what I can see, its only Jun Esaka (a mere light novel writer that writes non canon stuff) all over the internet being equally all over about her Sasuke Retsuden. I haven't seen any other light novel writer being more active about something non canon. Even kishimoto himself doesnt behave like this regarding his own work.

I'd like to also know about your opinions regarding Jun Esaka ATTEMPTING to remove or metaphorically kill Karin Uzumaki by making the main villain a Karin look alike and giving her sensory abilities to Sakura, which again, makes no sense. Does that woman hate Karin and SK so much? Is that woman so threatened by the very thought of SK as a couple that she had to incorporate a villain that looks like Karin Uzumaki down to a tee?

These are just my thoughts and speculations but I'm also really interested in knowing your side of the story.

Thanks for reading my long comment and i wish you a wonder day/afternoon/evening/night

Hi, @theuntamedangel! I appreciate the long comment! I hope you have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening/night, too!

Before I share my thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden, let me share that I did, unfortunately, have a sasusaku phase. I know. Shocker. The entire lore is here in case you're interested (promise it's relevant to my explanation).

I did hear about Sasuke Retsuden when I was still in college. Bits of information, specifically, about the chakra ring and from a perspective of someone who used to ship sasusaku casually, my initial reaction was okay good for them and I went on with my day. Note that I wasn't as heavily engaged in the Naruto fandom like I do now so for me to isn't active back then, hearing about Sasuke Retsuden, speaks volume on how it is over the internet that it even reached me.

I hate Sasuke Retsuden. It's badly written, it's OOC especially for OG Naruto characters, and the canon inaccuracies are more than enough to drive me into aneurysm.

Below this cut is my detailed thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden.

The villain looking like the male version of Karin caught me off guard. I don't know what the intentions behind the character design but I think they aimed for association as Jiji, one of the characters from this godforsaken novel, reminded me of Juugo.

I am not a sasukarin shipper but I do understand where the shippers are speaking from. I think they'll make a cool couple because Karin actually freaking cares about Sasuke when shit gets serious and outside of her "gag", she respects Sasuke's boundaries. Might be speaking out of the box but this novel in its existence was meant to be sasusaku-centric so the possibility of being threatened by all Sasuke-related ships, especially those making far more sense than SS, is high. I don't think Jun Esaka hates Karin. I would dare say that she picked a random character that could work as a direct contender to Sakura and unfortunately, she decided to scapegoat Karin. Moreover, the entire sensory ability shtick added to Sakura was uncalled for. I would go even further and say that Esaka's version of Sakura is what her stans hailed her to be--a superior version of [insert any Naruto's female character]. Even their pink haired kunoichi is incredibly OOC here and you expect me to take her seriously?

The funniest thing about Sasuke Retsuden is the way that they had to use SNS at first, specifically, Sasuke's mission is to find a cure for that chakra illness that Naruto alone suffers. Sure, this is SS centric but it all comes down to Sasuke and Sakura working together to find a cure for Naruto. Now, she could just write a novel about SS without using Naruto's "sickness" as some kind of a plot device, right? But no, she had to convince us somehow and an effective way to do that is literally Naruto and Sasuke.

The dinosaur. Don't even get me started. Even tailed beasts cannot fight against Sharingan to the point that canon graciously provided us evidence of both Madara and Obito controlling the Nine Tailed Beast. The very same Sharingan that made the higher ups of Konoha suspect the Uchiha clan as mastermind for that same incident. We're talking about the same dojutsu that manipulated the Fourth Mizukage. The canon inaccuracy throws me off the loop.

More inaccuracies. Suddenly Sasuke is an Earth and Ice Style user. Wow. Conveniently forgetting about Kakashi mentioning in Part 1 how Ice Style is a Kekkei Genkai that even Sharingan can't copy. As far as Naruto canon goes, Sasuke is a Fire and Lightning Style user. I don't consider Boruto as canon but even that animanga doesn't show any moment of Sasuke using Earth Style. It's insane that people claimed this as canon.

THIS DISTURBING INTERACTION. I did say that the OG Naruto characters are OOC in this shitshow novel and yes, unfortunately that includes Sakura. We've seen the way she react around Naruto's sexy ninjutsu antics. Unless objectification of women or the mere implication of it doesn't perturb her, then it says more about how Esaka portrayed her. I'd personally file a restraining order when a guy says he'd settle for my old, half smoked cigarette butts. I'm surprised that she didn't throw any snide remarks here.

WHO IS THIS SASUKE AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM. This panel made me laugh so hard because I feel like Esaka straight up ignored that Sasuke canonically spent years with his family before the Uchiha downfall happened. I don't think he'd be this clueless about how a married couple acts. Even in flashbacks, Sasuke was shown around his parents or Itachi, literally with his family. I think he knows well enough about married couples.

The ring part as well makes me cackle because Kurenai literally wears a ring in Shippuden. Trust me, Juugo-look-a-like, rings are used in Konoha by couples.

The Uchiha clan symbol takes me out because AREN'T YOU GOING UNDERCOVER IN THIS PRISON? WHY ARE YOU SHOWING THAT OFF?

The Chakra ring in question. Finding out the lore behind this further upset me and I am thankful that I no longer ship sasusaku. Show these panels out of context to someone with little to no exposure to canon and it would be romantic but if you know Narutoverse like the back of your hand, this novel served nothing. Seriously, the fact that Sasuke is incredibly OOC on this novel speak volumes. Imagine annihilating Sasuke's character to make SS work? Insanity.

Writing Edo Tensei with rose tinted glasses disgust me. That jutsu is straight up manipulating a dead body at your bidding. Tobirama shouldn't have invented that jutsu. Hinting that jutsu to be used to revive a loved one that passed away is vile and disgusting. The lack of attention to canon isn't a new thing for Esaka at this point.

Even this novel can't cover up the fact that Sakura doesn't know Sasuke well. If there's one thing that's consistent in the prequel, it was Naruto that gets into trouble. Sasuke doesn't use honorifics and he got away with it. His bluntness doesn't get him and everyone around him in trouble. Sasuke only began resorted to extremes when he was batshit blind and sinking into the unhinged depths of his hatred. Probably the only things that Sakura got correctly was Sasuke's kindness and his nonchalance about his looks but that's it. So the claim of knowing Sasuke inside and out is preposterous. The one who can say that is, guess who? Naruto.

Ending this long analysis with this panel because honestly, Ino is asking the questions for me. Unfortunately, despite being "married", their dynamic stayed the same. Sakura is still that same girl that has a crush on Sasuke, except she's in her 30s and Sasuke is still the same boy that rejected her date offers and the idea of being together with her, even reaching the point that he's away from her a lot.

I do apologize for going off to the point that I decided to pull a meta post about this. I do hope you're doing well and I appreciate the ask!

[hchollym]

I have a question about Fleur. You and a lot of other people act like she is this unfairly victimized character, but if I remember correctly, wasn't she really rude in canon?

It seems like you're genuinely asking and not just bashing the character, so I'll give you an honest answer.

I feel like Fleur tends to be treated by her stans in a similar way that Percy is (see this post). She's an interesting character because she is flawed, but then antis will go so far overboard with criticism that it causes a knee-jerk reaction to just say, "You know what? Forget it. She's perfect."

She has a lot of great qualities that are often overlooked. She is brave, fiercely loyal to the people she loves, and willing to forgive others (such as Molly & Ginny).

She's also more relatable than people tend to realize. Yes, she's this gorgeous part veela character, but some of her experiences are pretty consistent with any other person on the planet.

For example, look at this scene from Book 4 after the Second Task:

“Fleur Delacour, though she demonstrated excellent use of the Bubble-Head Charm, was attacked by grindylows as she approached her goal, and failed to retrieve her hostage. We award her twenty-five points.” Applause from the stands. “I deserved zero,” said Fleur throatily, shaking her magnificent head.

Most of us have felt self-critical and disappointed in ourselves at one point or another.

In that same book, it's clear that Fleur has a crush on Cedric & is constantly trying to flirt with him, yet when she asks him to the Yule Ball, he turns her down to go with Cho instead.

Again, most of us know what rejection feels like, so we can see ourselves in that situation.

Is Fleur flawed as well? Of course. Everyone is.

She can definitely be arrogant and rude:

“She looked at me like I was a sea slug or something. Didn’t even answer..."

&

Meanwhile Fleur Delacour was criticizing the Hogwarts decorations to Roger Davies. “Zis is nothing,” she said dismissively, looking around at the sparkling walls of the Great Hall. “At ze Palace of Beauxbatons, we ’ave ice sculptures all around ze dining chamber at Chreestmas. Zey do not melt, of course . . . zey are like ’uge statues of diamond, glittering around ze place. And ze food is seemply superb. And we ’ave choirs of wood nymphs, ’oo serenade us as we eat. We ’ave none of zis ugly armor in ze ’alls, and eef a poltergeist ever entaired into Beauxbatons, ’e would be expelled like zat.” She slapped her hand onto the table impatiently.

&

'No, no, silly boy,’ said Fleur with a tinkling laugh, ‘I mean next summer, when we – but do you not know?’ Her great blue eyes widened and she looked reproachfully at Mrs Weasley, who said, ‘We hadn’t got around to telling him yet.’ Fleur turned back to Harry, swinging her silvery sheet of hair so that it whipped Mrs Weasley across the face. ‘Bill and I are going to be married!’

&

‘She ’as let ’erself go, zat Tonks,’ mused Fleur, examining her own stunning reflection in the back of a teaspoon. ‘A big mistake, if you ask –’

&

Celestina ended her song on a very long, high-pitched note and loud applause issued out of the wireless, which Mrs Weasley joined in with enthusiastically. ‘Eez eet over?’ said Fleur loudly. ‘Thank goodness, what an ’orrible –’

&

‘Yes, isn’t it?’ said Ron. ‘Gravy, Fleur?’ In his eagerness to help her, he knocked the gravy boat flying; Bill waved his wand and the gravy soared up in the air and returned meekly to the boat. ‘You are as bad as zat Tonks,’ said Fleur to Ron, when she had finished kissing Bill in thanks. ‘She is always knocking –’

So clearly, Fleur is not perfect, but one of the major problems is that JKR seems to constantly exaggerate secondary female character's flaws (like Fleur, Lavender, Parvati, etc.) to fit in with the negative stereotype of feminine women.

Plus, it's very frustrating that Fleur is the only female competitor in the Triwizard Tournament, and yet she consistently does worse than her male counterparts on each task. That's misogyny and absolute BS on JKR's part.

So to summarize, Fleur fans do tend to be very protective of her (to the point of erasing her flaws), but it's a direct result/backlash of fandom's/society's opinion on the worth of feminine women.

Thanks for the ask! 😊

[lucianinsanity-only-art]

All my fanfics list:

Boku no Hero Academia:

The Medal (794 words) When Izuku and Katsuki move together they find some interesting stuff in their boxes. (Domestic fluff, Post-Canon, Bakudeku) SPANISH VERSION

Small Stories. A series of stories originally written on Tumblr compilated on AO3.

Waking up (456 words) Katsuki regains consciousness on the battlefield. (Angst) (Small Stories)

Not so soft kisses (1,151 words) After finally defeating the villains a delirious Izuku asks Katsuki for a kiss. (First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Post-War, Bakudeku) (Small Stories)

Katsuki's confession (2,264 words) Katsuki looks at Izuku for a second too long and decides he needs to tell him his feelings. (Fluff, Bakudeku) (Small Stories)

And everything went well (580 words) The war is over and life is slowly becoming normal again. (Post-War, Dancing, Fluff, Singing, Erasermic) (Small Stories)

Not just a nickname (420 words) Izuku tries to do a silly challenge but it backfires badly. (Domestic Fluff, Post-Canon, Bakudeku) (Small Stories)

Slow Morning (395 words) Izuku wakes up and admires his life in his free day. (Domestic fluff, Post-Canon, Bakudeku) (Small Stories)

Hard decisions (1,635 words) During a villain attack Katsuki is forced to take a fast decision that he will probably regret. (Spider-Deku, Angst, Amputation, Bakudeku) (Small Stories)

Unfinished farewell (12,552 words) Katsuki goes back to his old town just to discover it empty and abandoned, and after finding Izuku everything looks worse than he initially thought. (Ghost!Izuku, Werewolf!Katsuki, Angst, Hurt no Comfort, Alternative Universe) SPANISH VERSION

The sea, it calls you (9,910 words) Katsuki starts getting a lot of weird reports about sharks and other creatures and decides to investigate...by getting lost at sea (Horror, Researcher!Katsuki, Merperson!Izuku, Merperson!Eijirou, Fluff, Alternative Universe, Bakudeku) SPANISH VERSION

It's all that I can give to you, my dear (9,319 words) Izuku's sheep is taken by something. After going to search what it was he finds his childhood friend, Katsuki, eating it. (Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Wolf!Katsuki, Alternative Universe, Injuries, Whumpuary, Bakudeku) SPANISH VERSION

A happy ending (1170 words) Katsuki is one of the first ones to find out what the alien infection does. (Angst, Hurt no Comfort, TGWDLM aliens, Bakudeku)

The Magnus Archives:

How we really know who are the monsters? (1,339 words) Jon and Martin fall into Somewhere Else, but Martin has a strange change when they get there. (Lonely Avatar!Matin, Somewhere Else, angst, JonMartin) SPANISH VERSION

The Statement of Autumn Acosta (2,091 words) The story of how Autumn Acosta left their old life behind. (Statment fic, avatarsona, angst, The Corruption, The Dark, The Lonely, The Vast)

Strap the wing to me (524 words) Jon wakes up and admires Martin sleeping. (Domestic fluff, Icarus Metaphor, JonMartin)

Favorite Mug (861 words) Jon has a very specific mug he likes. (Fluff, Season 1, JonMartin)

How we used to sing (1,222 words) Tim gets his hair dyed. (Tim and Danny as teens, Fluff, Hurt no Comfort) SPANISH VERSION

The Statement of Adriana Contrera (1,707 words) Adriana visits her daughter and gets a little lost. (The Spiral, The Lonely, Statement fic)

Gravity Falls:

Maybe some support (4,449 words) Shapes and Pines AU. Stanley meets Tad Strange the square. (Hurt/Comfort, first meetings, cleaning wounds, panic attacks) SPANISH VERSION

Closer to you (3,321 words) Ford has strange habits and he learns they are not unwanted. (Post-Canon Fluff, Scent Kink, Non-sexual Kink, Ace Ford, 5+1 things, Fiddauthor) SPANISH VERSION

Warm Feelings and Good Textures (1,276 words) Stan has a moment with his hair. (Domestic Fluff, Hair and Memories) SPANISH VERSION

Stardew Valley:

Not a one night stand (4,713 words) Shane meets Elliott. (Smut, Plot, Happy ending) SPANISH VERSION

The Owl House:

First Rain (478 words) Gus and Hunter play in the human rain for the first time. (Fluff, Human Realm)

Original Works:

Little Fun Bits. A series of specifically short original stories that are not part of the main plot.

A serious moment (2390 words) Arturo and Victor fun times. (Fluff, Smut, Vampires, Panic Attacks) (Little Fun Bits) SPANISH VERSION

My Ko-Fi

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

I should probably get started on this one hc ask.

But.

Y’know.

I need to actually watch the series to do that one so here is just a ship hc post. (Part one at least)

^ @zach-the-mukuro-stan

There were a few different people requesting things. So I’ll dedicate a post per person.

Don’t be afraid to request more ships if you want to see them. Because honestly, I enjoy this.

Zoeymau

A ship that’s canon in my rewrite because… women.

Zoey is one of the only people that can do anything with Aphmau’s hair. Which is a combo of Aphmau not letting anyone near her hair and also no one knowing what to do with it. since her hair is one of the curliest out of the main cast (third, after Aaron and Lucinda).

When Aphmau overworks herself, Zoey basically carries her home. Because tall elf lady won’t let her teeny Saint gf get too tired.

Zoey sometimes puts little barrier magicks on her to keep her safe on her travels.

Aphmau writes little poems and stories and leaves them in Zoey’s room. Usually they’re romantic and include a very detailed description of a woman being inlove with an insanely tall Ed lady.

Levin calls them ‘tall mama’ and ‘small mama’ growing up. Which they also jokingly refer to eachother as.

Their relationship takes a hit after the 15 years but eventually, as Aphmau comes to terms with what happened, they start building it back up.

Zoey is pretty chill with Aphmau seeing other people alongside her. Elven society isn’t heavy on monogamy, and also Aphmau’s too stupid to understand what monogamy is and Zoey knows that. So. Y’know. She’s fine with Aphmau having her romances with the boys.

Aphmau makes little bracelets out of grass and daisys for Zoey because she can have little phases of not being great with her words. So they’re her way of saying she loves her.

Im still working out their MyS version since there’s no canon MyS interactions between them… so. I might have to make a separate post for that.

Travlyn

Also canon.

MCD: Katelyn gets freaked out by him sometimes. Especially his demon form. Because he just does things that are gross and creepy.

MCD: Katelyn sometimes kills small creatures for him so that he doesn’t have to kill them himself.

MCD: She’s the one that monitors what he eats, but she sometimes sneaks him snacks that the others wouldn’t approve of. She’s the only one allowed to give him snacks, though.

MCD/MyS: Travis loves cuddling up with her. He adores it. It’s his favourite thing to do. Especially when she lets him lay between her legs, because he usually has to lay beside her. So laying between her legs is a little treat.

MCD/MyS: he also likes having his head between her legs. Just a personal thing.

MCD/MyS: She’s the only person he’s ever truly been inlove with.

MCD/MyS: He let her tattoo him once. It didn’t go well, because she had no experience. But he loves the little squiggle on his arm despite the very painful experience of getting it.

MCD: Katelyn loves his horns. She likes grabbing them especially. Because they feel cool.

MCD: She helped him learn how to shapeshift. He can’t do much, even with her help, but he can do more than he could before her assistance.

MCD: Travis never really spoke about his childhood and stuff. So when Katelyn found his mother’s diary in his bag, and all the entries he made in it as a kid, pretending to be her, she started being really soft on him. It just made her realise that he had been through so much.

MCD/MyS: Travis has a hard time opening up about his problems. And so does Katelyn. But Katelyn insists he tells her what’s wrong because she know it’ll make him feel better.

MyS: Katelyn used to have a crush on Travis Pre-Transition, and she had no clue he was the same person when she saw him again after he transitioned. And so her crush on him like left. And he only learnt that in FCU. And she still didn’t know it was him at that point. So he was like crying inside.

MCD/MyS: When Travis has long hair, Katelyn likes to play with it.

MCD/MyS: He has called her mommy before.

Garrance

Also canon. In MyS at least. Because it’s part of the Quad (Aaron, Aphmau, Laurence and Garroth)

MCD: Garroth always tries to duel with Laurence to ‘get better’. But honestly there’s just something he enjoys about Laurence winning against him. Hopefully he’s just messed up and it’s not a weird sex thing.

MCD: During the time where Garroth was in the Irene dimension and the others weren’t, Laurence (someone who isn’t at all religious) would pray for him back every night before he slept.

MyS: Laurence is Garroth’s queer awakening. Because hot ginger Emo dudes are so his type.

MCD: Laurence is Garroth’s queer awakening. Because hot ginger flirty dudes are so his type.

MCD/MyS: Garroth asked out Cadenza once because he was into Laurence but couldn’t accept that he was queer, and, well, despite not being related, they look pretty similar.

She said no.

MCD: Laurence was sort of happy Aaron was dead. Partially because he hated Aaron. Mostly because he got his boyfriend back.

MyS: Zianna jokingly referred to Laurence as Garroth’s boyfriend for ages before she eventually realised that Garroth was into him. And then she called Laurence his husband. To be extra teasing.

MCD: Laurence would listen to Garroth’s heartbeat a lot. He did this with Aphmau too. It just made him feel better, I guess.

MyS: Laurence does like listening to Garroth and Aphmau’s heartbeats. But mostly because he just likes having his head on their chests. Because everyone in the polycule has fat boobs. And Laurence likes boobs.

MyS: Occasionally Laurence will dye his hair back to ginger. Since he knows Garroth likes it. He has been considering buying a wig but he’s sort of evaluated that it probably wouldn’t last very long. Because. Like… Garroth really likes ginger hair. Fukkin weirdo

MyS: Laurence’s family adores Garroth. Like they absolutely love him. Garroth’s family isn’t all the same with Laurence. But his mother is. So that’s enough

MCD: Garroth really respects Laurence. Like, deeply. He could never imagine doing anything disrespectful to him. Much to Laurence’s own upset. Since, well, Laurence is very much interested in Garroth’s doing disrespectful things to him.

MyS: the previous HC doesn’t apply. Garroth very much enjoys doing disrespectful things to Laurence. Especially when he’s ginger.

there wouldn’t be so many sex references in this if they weren’t complete manwhores in my rewrite. Like, Laurence we knew of already. But Garroth got sluttified majorly.

And we love him for it.

We really went from, ‘aw sweet’ to ‘aw sweet- he wants to what?’ To just ‘ he wants to what?’ And we love that transition.

It definitely has nothing to do with all of my male characters being absolute whores. I’m sorry. It’s the only way I know how to write them.

[cherrysoulth]

STAN TWITTER

💕Pairing: Seokjin x Female Reader 

📝Summary: A little piece of smut of a bigger plot/story.

✏️Genre/au: Smut, Canon, Long time relationship

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: 1862

⚠️chapter warnings: explicit smut

Hii! Did you stumble a cross this work? Glad yo're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

Namjoon opens the door of the dorm for you to enter quickly after you ring, he was getting ready to leave putting on his shoes and one is behind him, away from its partner on the tiles mismatching the elevated wooden floor. He looks towards the corridor before he sits down to finish his task, eyebrows raised in a warning look meant for you to know what the situation is. His shoelaces are tied at the same time you place your shoes on the guest spot, having put on the slippers you had left in their house for your common visits and you can tell he is in a rush for how he avoids the small talk, and simply says goodbye before leaving.

You know exactly where Jin is; in his room, and also that he is edging moody by his texts, although you can’t yet figure out why. That was the main reason why you decided to go see him after a frantic day at the office, driving through the city while dictating to your phone voice system what needed to be organised for your next day’s schedule. Easing him felt more important than taking a rest inside the inviting purple sheets of your bed, in your little and cosy apartment. After all, he always tries his best to not show negative emotions that could upset the people he cares about; it is just fair that you pay him the attention that he deserves. 

You lie next to him when you find him on his belly over the bed, holding his upper weight in his forearms as he checks his phone, at the end of it. His dark blue pyjamas contrast with the white duvet covering the bed and you take in the sight of him. A new Balenciaga you have never seen on him before but that looks just as good on him as any other piece of clothing. 

He looks at you tilting his head when you imitate his position, elbows at the end of the bed, one of them touching his and opening your stan Twitter too, you kiss his shoulder when he looks at his phone again. Your Twitter timeline is full of posts of him and you know he has given a glance to it because he chuckles, showing his pearls in between his hydrated full lips.

“You’re kind of obsessed with me, uh?” he says confidently, making you eye him sideways immediately. “I’m handsome, I get it,” he says with his particular wind-shield laughter, then shies out to his own words.

“What if I am? What will you do anyway?” you tell him in a mocking tone, meant to be a joke, keeping your eyes on the screen this time.

Suddenly, you feel his hand at the back of your thigh, trailing up under the purple skirt and you become immediately immobile, allowing him. His fingers take the curve between your thigh and buttocks, slowly, and rub them on your covered slit. His touch is teasing at the beginning, distractedly, while he acts as if he isn’t doing anything at all but then, they slide lower to rub your bud with an expert touch, knowing exactly what you like. His movements are followed by your gasp and his gaze falls on you, where he seems to take it as an invitation because the second after he is on top of you, making you feel his hardness on your sweet cheeks and hugging you from behind, kissing the back of your head as you try to keep your position and not give in to his weight. 

Kissing your shoulder and neck, he doesn’t say a word and you only respond to his pampering with little sighs, caressing his silky black hair by putting a hand up his nape. His upper weight finally buries you in the bed when he moves his hands to feel your breasts, massaging them as he rolls his hips against the place between your cheeks and your core, motivating a throaty moan that triggers him.

He stands with one knee at each side of your hips, still leaving his warmth imprinted on your sensitive skin, and you hear the rustle of clothes before you see his shirt fly over your head. You turn slightly to enjoy the view of his bare chest but when his hands go to the hem of his bottoms and he looks at you raising an eyebrow, you turn your head resting your chin over the edge of the bed, shying out. It only makes him chuckle again but doesn’t say a word, although you can guess what has gone through your mind. ‘Glad to fill that ego, love.’ you think.

You feel his digits on your waist as he reaches for the edge of your plain black crop top, to remove it with a little struggle, before making it fly next to his piece of clothing. Their warmth and careful touch moving underneath your skirt as he pulls the panties down to your ankles, moving to the top of the bed with his knees; only to throw them too. With his main obstacles gone, he leans over you again, putting his legs between yours making you part them to give him room and you feel his velvety hardness slide through the inner side of your thighs when he positions himself closer to your body. 

You spread wider and roll your hips up, knowing exactly what is coming for you. You feel his tip as he pushes it past your already wet entrance as if you were touching it with your hands, feeling every little detail of his form while he stretches your inner muscles with its thickness. He amends his position by placing his forearms closer to yours and you allow your forehead to meet the mattress while trying to breathe as you keep feeling every inch of him being pushed inside of you. It feels like he is going to split you. Every single time. But feeling him like that is addictive.

After the initial struggle, when he is fully in, he starts moving and you swear an “Oh god,” in a strangled breath. His thrusts are slow, curated, letting you adjust to his bare and warm member. You can’t avoid gasping a moan when one of his hands clasps on your hip to push further in, making sure you are taking as much of him as you can. 

“Jin…” you mutter, after moaning through the back of your nostrils, hands gripping on white knuckles to the duvet.

“I just… I love how you feel,” he whispers in your ear, letting the need of you breathe out his tone. Then he pulls out and you complain with a low whine, looking behind to see him move to his knees on your sides again. He places a hand on your waist and pushes, indicating you to turn around to what you obey in a mess of relocating legs; moving one knee first, then the other, to place them between your legs as you turn. He then leans forward silently, looking at you in a way you have only seen counted times. Blinded by the lust, he pushes himself inside of you, fiercely, and you moan with the back of your throat without opening your mouth, hands pressing on his back to try to hold a grip on your sanity. 

He is already breathless, letting air in and out of his lungs frantically while he puts his arms underneath your shoulders to hug you, starting to pound. 

“Jin…” you mutter between his thrusts, making him slow down. “Are you… ok?” you question.

“I just missed you…” he replies, burying his head in the crook of your neck, while pushing himself deeper with a grunt, again. You drag your nails through his back making him groan in pain but it only motivates him to redirect his thrusts, to hit your spot.

He kisses you as if he wants to retain something from you in himself and you melt on him, allowing him to keep with his agonising pace, wrapping your legs around his waist as the sound of flesh against flesh fills the room. His lips go through your throat to the other side, marking a hickey in it; only for this one, to be cloned over and over until reaching your collarbones. 

There he rubs his nose, making you aware of his gaze from underneath your chin, until he pushes himself deep again, towering over you with his broad shoulders and making you scream his name. One of his big hands clasps over one of your thighs to assure his target, pressing his abdomen to yours, making you feel his strength. Making you close your eyes, lost in the pleasure.

There is no way to define time or how many times he has thrust inside of you, as it all feels somehow out of time-space. The two of you, a mess of moans, grunts, and growls between the sounds of flesh and the wetness of sex. Really pouring yourselves into the fine act. 

You feel the orgasm build but when it hits you, it is unexpected. He acknowledges it with his own body by the way your walls grip and contract around him like a vice; the way a high-pitched moan escapes your throat and the extra wetness against his pelvis. He doesn’t stop there, making sure to keep you in place as he keeps thrusting in such a way, when the pitch of the orgasm is over, a new one starts to build up.

"Jin!" you mewled, trying to push him off, feeling as if to die if another one hits you but it only makes him allow his weight over yours; chest against chest, only his hips doing the work. "Jin!" you plead but he keeps it going, using both hands to pull yours above your head, holding your wrists with only one and using the other to hold part of his weight.

"Just.. let me… please… you…" he says in between grunts. His sounds, his skin, his smell and the way his hips angle perfectly, details you'd missed by trying to fight him, all hit you at the same time. So does the orgasm. 

This time you bite his shoulder, trying not to scream for the whole neighborhood and he goes off of you, spilling over your belly with a grunt. Holding himself above you with one arm, he pumps the rest of it as those sexy sounds keep escaping his throat. His closed eyes and the expression of pleasure, and exhaustion in his face, make you smile idiotically.

"Forgot… your king-sized… condoms," you mutter in between breaths, as he falls next to you, letting out a little giggle. He only laughs tiredly as he leans forward to pick up some napkins from his nightstand, to clean you up. 

"I'm sorry," he says, pecking you lovingly. "I just really missed you," he adds while trying to bin the paper balls from his position, before leaning over to give you a breathy kiss. But all he’s done, tells you it is not just that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed this bit of Seokjin 🤭 Let me know your thoughts. See you soon! ~

Thank you @abitjess for the beta 😊💜

© 2018-2024 Cherry Soulth, all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any kind, translations, or unsanctioned adaptations are not allowed.

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet||Nanami Kento

A/N: A lil sumn sumn for the Nanami stans, yall have impeccable taste. I was gonna release an NSFW alphabet, but since this one was requested, I’ll post this first. Featuring a bit of rambling (srry I’ve got Nanami brainrot ig + I was tired writing some parts) as well as Gojo and Mahito slander!! 

Ft. a gender neutral reader

Word Count: 2888

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

First thing is, he’s not big on PDA, while he does give affection liberally, especially when it’s through his actions, Nanami prefers to keep his gestures of love private. In private however, he shows his affection in a myriad of ways. One of his favorites being helping you with your hair, the act not only makes him feel closer to you but it also allows for him to take care of you, one of his favorite things to do.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Nanami is definitely the best friend that is reliable. Sure he��s reliable as a friend, the two of you likely became friends initially due to this, but what makes you his best friend is returning that same energy. It’s draining to always be the one holding everything together, just once, Nanami would like to have a shoulder to lean on. Once you become that for him, it won’t be long before the two of you become best friends.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles with Nanami are so warm and safe regardless of if you’re the little spoon or not. His cuddles are also littered with kisses because when he’s tired, he gets a lot more open with his affection. He doesn’t usually talk when he cuddles but if he has a nightmare and you wake up to sooth him, the sound of your voice alone sets him at ease. 

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Nanami definitely wants to settle down. It’s canon that he’s only working so that he can make enough to retire early. If you’re the breadwinner, or even if he somehow makes enough to retire, he’s going into full house husband mode and no one can tell him otherwise. If it were up to him, he’d do all the cooking, cleaning, and home upkeep while you go out and work. But alas, life is cruel, and as such, he still enjoys cooking and cleaning but the chores are split between you two. Cooking however, is usually a team project, either the both of you make a meal and clean it together afterwards or one cooks and the other does the dishes, either way, it’s perfect for the two of you.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Nanami is at his core, a very mathematical and precise person. His cursed technique is literally a ratio, because of that, he prefers to breakup with people as cleanly as possible. His breakups tend to sound like they’re following a script because of how to the point he is. When breaking up with you, he just bluntly states that he doesn’t see your relationship as beneficial going forward. Literally the most neutral way to break up with someone, how you’d choose to take it though is up to you.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Nanami is the type of person to just elope or have a small ceremony between the two of you. He doesn’t care much for the paperwork or ceremonial side of it, and he is definitely the type of person who just says “You know we’re getting married someday right?”. From that point forward (if you’re ok with it) he’d basically introduce you as his spouse, when questioned though, he just goes “Ah, we’re not married yet.” He’s not shy about commitment though, his dream life is just living in the countryside with his spouse and maybe some animals, he’s a simple man. Not to say that he’s not going to officially propose though, because he will once he finds something good enough to propose with, it’s just that the two of you are “married” before actually being married.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Nanami is a gentle soul deep down. He cares about those he loves very deeply and would throw his life on the line to protect them. Emotionally, Nanami is always extremely respectful of your feelings. Even things as simple as ranting feel safe, almost like his very presence is cradling you. He’s also very open with you in return, despite his usual deadpan tone, he never hesitates to tell you of his thoughts and feelings once you both trust each other. Physically, Nanami is also extremely gentle. He loves to lavish you in soft touches and kisses. His most common spots for kisses are your nose and forehead. 

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Depending on your clumsiness, this may topple you, but Nanami likes to lean into you when giving hugs. His shoulders decompress ad he unconsciously just sinks into you without warning. Now if you’re prepared/ stable enough, you might stumble a little but overall you’ll be fine. If you’re clumsy or not expecting it... let’s hope that there’s something soft behind you because Nanami’s going down with you.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

Nanami is very slow to say that he loves you. It’s not that he’s oblivious or doesn’t realize he loves you, once he realizes, he just accepts that as a fact. It’s simply that he gets wrapped up in his own head, worrying about if you love him too, if he’s being too forward, etc. If you confess first, he’ll have a much easier time admitting it (although he may not immediately respond with ‘I love you too’), but if you leave it up to him...you’ll be waiting a while.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Pretty much all of Nanami’s jealousy comes from the beginning of your relationship when he was a lot more insecure about the place he had in your life. When he would get jealous, he’d just kind of stew in it. It was obvious though that he was jealous and pouting at you and whoever was making him jealous. Later on in your relationship though, he doesn’t get jealous, try as you might. He knows that he’s your partner (a fact that the both of you have affirmed thousands of times) and that no one will come between the two of you. 

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Nanami’s kisses are like melting butter, they’re so smooth and gradually they just get more intense until he pulls away and you’re left dizzy. He’s so firm with his kisses too, he always has to be touching you in some way. Whether it be holding your face or resting his hand against the small of your back, Nanami’s kisses may leave you weak in the knees, but he’ll catch you if you fall.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Nanami’s really good with children but in the dad way where you’ll come back and see him and the child both sitting on the couch watching TV. Not to say that he’s lazy with kids but he tends to just let the kid do whatever. If the kid wants Nanami to wear a tutu and do the chicken dance, why not? If the kid wants Nanami to list off animal facts while Nanami listens, sure. Hell, even if the kid just wants to use him as a tablet holder, he’s cool with that. He’s good with kids because he just lets them be kids.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Nanami depend on what the both of you have scheduled for the day. In Nanami’s perfect world, he’d spend the day relaxing with you at home, however, he understands that realistically the both of you have obligations. If it’s a work day for both of you, he’s made a small breakfast and something to drink. If it’s his day off, he spends a little more time laying in bed with you, enjoying the time before you have to leave. If the both of you have the day off, he spends a lot more time on breakfast (not including the extra time he’ll spend in bed with you), plating and serving you before himself and then listening to you talk about your day as he eats.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Contrary to popular belief, Nanami prefers to come home at a reasonable time and spend his nights with you. Honestly, he’d prefer to just live the house husband lifestyle, but hey, rent in Tokyo is expensive so he doesn’t mind if both of you are working. But because of the fact that he’s working, when he comes home, he sticks to a routine. Said routine consists of either cooking dinner together or ordering takeout, watching tv, and ending the night with cuddling. He’s a simple man, even if you don’t stick to the routine, as long as he gets to hold you when it comes time to sleep, he’s good.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It really depends; if you’re a jujutsu sorcerer or even just aware of the supernatural, you’d already either know or have a general idea of his abilities/the world he comes from. If you’re a non-jujutsu sorcerer however, Nanami gets kind of nervous because he doesn’t want you to think he’s crazy. Ideally, if you’re a non-sorcerer, he’d never tell you about that aspect of himself. It’s not like he doesn’t think you should know or even that he’s ashamed; it’s just that’s a chapter of his life that, unless relevant, he doesn’t think is important to know about. To him, it’s just a job, and he’d prefer if you thought of it that way too. 

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Nanami is very patient. Not to say that he doesn’t get angry or upset, or even that he’s slow to feel these emotions, it’s just that he knows when’s the best time to express certain feelings. Even if he’s upset with you, he’s unlikely to lash out in an argument, preferring to cool down and then come back to talk it out in a constructive manner.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Nanami is the most attentive boyfriend one could ever ask for. He remembers every small detail about you like it’s his full time job. He rarely gets the chance to show you all the little details he remembers about you, so he tends to do so in subtle (and practical) ways. For example, when shopping for furniture like dinnerware, he tends to get sets in colors that are either your favorite or that you picture in your “ideal” kitchen. However, when it comes to remembering details, nothing tops morning pre-work Nanami. He knows your morning routine like the back of his hand and he’ll have the coffee (or tea if coffee isn’t your thing) brewing before you can even wonder what’s for breakfast

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

One night, Nanami came home from work dead tired. It was a shitty day overall, filled with deadlines that were suddenly moved up with no warning. As a result, he ended up coming home later than he wanted to, the thought of you waiting for him when he got home carrying him through the last round of paperwork. Everything was dark, and he’d assumed you went to bed. Imagine his surprise when he comes across a bath that you prepared for him with foam, flower petals, fragrances, all the works (it was still somewhat warm so you must’ve done this on his way back). All alongside a note that said ‘If you’re reading this, I’m probably asleep. But you’ve been working hard, take a break and enjoy yourself, Love you Ken.’ After a long day, your note put the warmest smile onto his face. He still keeps the note tucked away neatly in a box with other memories of your relationship.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Aside from the obvious, because of course Nanami would want you to be safe from curses, he’s protective of you in terms of privacy. Sure, being private about his relationship with you means less curses that would know to use you as a weakness against him, but more importantly, Gojo. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the man, it’s just Gojo knows too much about him that could 1) embarrass him or 2) make you uncomfortable (Gojo’s personality isn’t for everyone.) If you already know/ know about Gojo however, any Gojo warding that you do will be greatly appreciated. If you manage to distract the sorcerer enough for Nanami to slip away, he’s forever grateful. Sure, Gojo gets pouty about Nanami’s avoidance but in his opinion, anyone who knew what he looked like in highschool needs to never speak with him again.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

If it wasn’t clear from the moment you started dating this man, Nanami doesn’t half ass relationships. The amount of effort he puts into spending time with you/ getting gifts for you ties back to his attentiveness mentioned earlier. Don’t even get him started on daily tasks because he loves doing small things for you to make your day easier. Even if your day is hard, he hopes that his small actions bring a smile to your face regardless. 

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

Nothing he’s the perfect man jkjk. In all seriousness though, Nanami has a tendency to come off as a “mother knows best type”. It’s never intentional and it usually comes from him just trying to help you, but at the end of the day, he has a bad habit of taking over different tasks/speaking over you. Sometimes it’s nice, like at restaurants, he’ll already know your order. Other times it’s overbearing, for example, if you buy something irresponsible, here comes captain Nanami to remind you about the importance of economic spending habits and if your purchase was really “necessary”. Like, love you but can you leave me alone.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s very concerned with his looks. Nanami believes in a standard of appearance that he has to uphold, as such, although his general outfit/styling choices may seem simple, he’s extremely meticulous when it comes to his looks. He’s not the type for anything flashy but best believe he’s not wearing a three piece suit and $400 watch without being impeccably groomed and styled beforehand.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, Nanami doesn’t feel incomplete without you. He understands that the both of you are adults who had lives prior to this relationship. Not only does he enjoy his alone time, he’s also used to being without you for extended periods of time due to his job. All in all, Nanami is a firm believer in the phrase “hate to see them go, but I love to watch them leave.”

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He has a few exes, all of them relationships that consisted primarily of sex or they were long-term relationships that didn’t go anywhere. After a while, he just kinda threw himself into work, so you’re his first relationship in quite some time. His past partners don’t really factor into your relationship aside from general lessons that he would’ve learned anyway such as; compromise, the value of alone time, showing appreciation for one’s partner.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

In general, he hates Mahito There aren’t many qualities in a partner that Nanami dislikes that aren’t already expected in a relationship (ex. boundaries, healthy communication, etc.). Overall, he just wants someone that understands when to give him space and when to give him affection, find that balance, and you’re golden. In general though, Nanami’s not really the type to have a specific standard that he looks for in a partner, he does have a tendency to seek out calmer people.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Not necessarily a habit (although he did this a lot more before the two of you started dating) but Nanami is used to all-nighters, no surprise there. An unintended consequence of that is that once he goes to sleep, he’s going down for at least a day. When he knocks out, it’s the type of sleep that leaves you dazed and wondering if you time-traveled after waking up. When he finally does wake up, please bring this man food and water, he needs it.

[thelastspeecher]

Whoops I meant to post this ages ago but somehow forgot. Better late than never, though. Enjoy Stangie becoming canon in the Bakery AU.

———————————————————————————————————–

              Angie was singing something.  Stan looked up from his newspaper to stare.  From his spot on the couch, he could see Angie cooking in the kitchen.  The apartment above the bakery could be cramped quarters at times, but Stan didn’t really mind.

              It’s still a roof over my head.  Not to mention, Angie and Lute are pretty good roommates.  As Stan watched Angie singing, though, he felt a familiar yearning.  He wanted her to be more than his roommate.  And I wanna hear her sing more.  It’s nice.

              “Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars,” Angie warbled cheerfully.  Stan turned his attention back to his newspaper.

              “Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars,” he sang under his breath.

              “Oh.”  Stan looked up again.  Angie stood stock-still, her eyes wide.  “I- I didn’t realize ya were there,” she stammered nervously.  Stan shrugged.  “S-sorry.”

              “Why are you sorry?” Stan asked.  Angie turned pink.

              “Well, I was subjectin’ ya to my singin’,” Angie mumbled.

              “You said that like you don’t have a good singing voice,” Stan said.  He set his newspaper aside.  “If anything, I should be apologizing for making you hear me sing.”  Angie managed a small smile.  Stan stood up and walked over to her.  “So, what are you doing?”

              “Makin’ some dinner.”

              “Whatcha making?”

              “Chili.”

              “Nice,” Stan said, nodding appreciatively.  Angie elbowed him.

              “I certainly hope ya like it.  I ain’t makin’ ya a special dinner.”

              “What happened to that southern hospitality of yours?” Stan teased.  Angie laughed.  The sound made butterflies flutter in Stan’s stomach.

              “That southern hospitality wore off once ya formally moved in with Lute ‘n me.”

              “Huh.  Well, that explains why Lute barged in on me while I was shaving earlier.”

              “He barged in on ya ‘cause we’ve only got the one bathroom and you were in there fer ages!  And ya still weren’t done when he kicked ya out.”  Angie propped a hand on one hip.  “What took ya so long?”

              “Look, men in the Pines family have a real rough time shaving.  It’s not my fault.  It’s genetic,” Stan said.  Angie giggled.

              “I feel bad fer any sons ya might have, then.”

              “Are you saying I’ve got a kid already?” Stan asked, confused.  Angie’s eyes widened.

              “Oh, no!  Sorry, I just meant that when ya settle down with someone, if ya have a son with ‘em, that was the son I was referrin’ to.”

              “Settle down, huh?”  Stan rested his elbow on top of Angie’s shoulder.  “What makes you think I’ll settle down with anyone?”

              “Oh, hush.”  Angie fake-swatted him with the wooden spoon.  “You try to give off such big, bad energy, but I can see right through ya, Stanley Pines.  Yer just a big softie.  You want to find someone to marry ‘n have kids with ‘n raise ‘em to throw footballs or whatever.”

              “At this point, I’m probably gonna wind up raising my future kids to bake cupcakes,” Stan mumbled, thinking about the bakery below their feet.  Angie nodded.

              “Same here.”

              “You want kids?”

              “Yeah.”  Angie smiled faintly.  “My folks were good parents.  I want to pay it forward ‘n make sure I parent someone else well, too.”

              “Huh.”  Stan’s elbow slipped off Angie’s shoulder.  She cocked her head at him curiously.  “I want kids, but for the opposite reason, I guess.  My folks weren’t that great.  I wanna make sure I make up for it by being a good dad.”

              “Aw.”  Angie’s smile broadened.  “See?  Yer just a big softie.”  She set down the wooden spoon to tug at Stan’s hair, which was starting to get long.  “Just as soft as yer hair.  Ya must use a lot of product.”  Stan spluttered incoherently for a few moments.  Mirth sparkled in Angie’s bright blue eyes.

              “You’re only allowed to tug on my rat tail if we’re in bed,” Stan finally managed.  He winced.

              No way she’s gonna handle that well.

              “Is that so?”

              Huh?

              “Is there somethin’ ya want to tell me?” Angie asked pointedly.  Stan could only open and close his mouth silently, at a loss for words.  Angie rolled her eyes.  “Stan.  Quit beatin’ ‘round the bush and-”  Stan grabbed Angie’s waist and pulled her in for a kiss.  Her eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away.

              “Turn off the stove if none of ya are watchin’ it,” an irritable voice snapped.  Stan and Angie broke apart.  Lute stood in the kitchen, face red.  “Or do ya want to burn down our home and workplace in one go?”

              “Lute, it’s okay, I was right here,” Angie said.  Lute scowled.  He shot a venomous glare at Stan, then stormed out of the kitchen, into the living room, and into the room he and Stan shared.  “Oh, dear.”

              “He’s not gonna be an overprotective brother or something, is he?” Stan asked, suddenly worried.

              Angie might be a better marksman than Lute, but he’s still scarily comfortable with a gun.

              “Well, probably, but that’s not the cause of his issues,” Angie said.  She turned back to the chili, picking up the wooden spoon and stirring the stew.  “He’s just a sore loser.  We both are.”  Stan stared at her.  “What?”

              “Sore loser?  What does that have to do with me kissing you?”

              “Well…”  Angie looked away, visibly abashed.  “We may have both developed feelin’s fer ya, and to keep things civil, agreed that you would make the first move.”  Stan’s jaw dropped.  “Are ya all right?”

              “I- I-”  Stan ran a hand through his hair.  “You both got crushes on me?” he croaked.  Angie nodded.  “Why?”  Angie shrugged.

              “Fer whatever reasons ya catch feelin’s fer someone.”

              “But- but-”

              “Do ya need a drink of water or somethin’?”

              “I think I need a drink of something harder than water,” Stan managed.  He shook his head.  “You’ve got a thing for me?”

              “I didn’t run off to grab my shotgun when ya kissed me just now, did I?” Angie asked.  Stan chuckled weakly.

              “No, you didn’t.”

              “Exactly.”  Angie tilted her head, smiling sweetly.  “I’ve wanted to kiss ya fer a while now.”

              “Since the cake thing?”

              When I knocked over a wedding cake onto us and we got covered in crumbs and frosting.

              “Before.”  Angie sighed.  “But like I said, Lute ‘n I wanted to be fair, so we waited fer you to be the one to make a move.  That way, you’d be with whichever one of us ya liked more anyways.”

              That explains why the cake thing pissed Lute off so much.  Neither Angie or I was upset by it, which meant we both liked each other.

              “Is he gonna be okay?” Stan asked quietly.  He looked off in the direction of his and Lute’s room.  “I sorta sleep in the same room as him.”

              “Maybe sleep on the couch fer a bit,” Angie suggested.  “But honestly, he just needs some time ‘n space.  He’ll be back to normal ‘fore ya know it.  Plenty of cute fellers come into the bakery.  Lute will find a new crush soon.  Especially since nothin’ came of this one.”

              “You say that like you’ve got experience with this,” Stan said dryly.

              “Lute’s a hopeless romantic, but also a bit of a serial romantic.  I’m used to him findin’ a new squeeze awful soon after gettin’ his heart broke by his last one.”  Angie shrugged again.  “Just somethin’ ya get used to.”

              “Yeah.”  Stan grinned.  “Speaking of getting used to things, Lute’s gonna have to get used to this.”  He leaned in.  Angie playfully shoved him away.  “Hey!”

              “I have to focus on cookin’!”

              “You let me kiss you before!”

              “The moment was right and I was impatient,” Angie said tartly.  She pointed the wooden spoon, dripping with beans, at Stan.  “Now go sit yer butt back down on the couch until dinner’s ready.”  Stan held up his hands in defeat.

              “All right, whatever you say, boss.”  He walked back to the couch and sat down.  After a short time, Angie resumed her song from earlier.

              “Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore,” Angie sang quietly.  Using the newspaper to hide his smile, Stan turned the page.  “You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.”  Unable to help himself, Stan joined in again.

              “In other words, please be true.  In other words, I’m in love with you.”

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[smolfailure]

FUCK IT, DREAM SMP HOMESTUCK AU

but it's only half shitposts and there are actual Thoughts in there.

You don't need to have read the comic to understand because I tried not to spoil anything major, but it'd help if you knew basic stuff about classpects, SBURB and the hemospectrum.

disclaimer: i'm not a good pixel artist and this is my first actual sprites ever so please be kind to my weird pixels

The Kids:

Tommy

Fundy

Techno

Tubbo

tommy, tubbo and fundy one of the kids because they're the kids in dream smp canon (with fundy being son of wilbur)

techno's there because i want to make a dave strider reference (haha get it because techno's name is also da-- *gets shot) and also because they are both coolguys except instead of using irony, techno has adhd

The Trolls:

Wilbur Soohte (fuschia)

?????? Ehrret (violet)

J????? Shlatt (purple)

Nihacu Niikki (indigo)

Skeppy Diamon (cerulean)

Quacki Tthiey (teal)

Philza Myncra (jade)

Dreame Wastkn (lime disguising as olive)

George Notfou (gold)

Sapphe Nahfpe (bronze)

Badboy Haelow (burgundy)

don't come at me saying only females are allowed to be jades and fuschias; gender is fake and this is an au

more of the AU and the talksprites are under the cut:

Tommy

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Red

chaotic. the first person to be introduced.

when he gets introduced instead of the “Zoosmell Pooplord” bit, Tommy is initially going to be the name inputted but then backspaced it and decided that Tommyinnit was better and he was fuming until he’s named Tommy.

Gives me big Blood/Hope vibes. Blood because a lot of the conflict of the dream smp connected to someone breaking his trust or harming the things he cares about, Hope because a lot of the plot of the dream smp stems from Tommy starting shit based on his ideals and what he thinks is right.

the first to instigate fighting against the trolls

bbh contacts him once and tommy keeps cursing until he disconnects from frustration rip

wields Gunkind and his only strife weapon at the beginning is the Vlog gun. He has Gunkind as his strife specibus mainly because he looked up at schlatt and he imitates him.

Fundy

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Orange

it was his idea to play SBURB but only through Dream.

he talks to dream the most among the other trolls fwt stans getcha juice this is the rosemary of the session

dream’s the one giving him exposition about the game so that’s how he knows how to play SBURB.

wilbur trolls fundy once and instantly adopts him.

“You’re my son.” “How does that even work??” “I was one of the people who created your universe. It’s basically the same thing.”

Fundy relents anyway.

Techno

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Pink

dave strider but dead-inside voice + rose lalonde english major vibes

he slices the text box when you try to name him "Dave " like in

techno gives me time player vibes (contantly on the move. his skyblock series, his “stays in the pit” monologue,) but also rage vibes (anarchy,  the “theseus” monologue, political alignment is Chaos) alas i am not sure what class

uses Tridentkind and claims "it came from god"

 it was dream, he accidentally transportalized one of wilbur’s weapon while he testing the transportalizer.

Tubbo

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Green

the jade harley of this session. the only thing keeping them from going apeshit. where would they be without him.

but also jade harley in a sense that he seems nice and wholesome but also don’t fuck with them they can mess you up

Heart/Life vibes??? someone good at classpecting help

i put them in prospit bc of the "tubbo third eye" instead of tubbo having a sixth sense or smth, they see the future from the clouds of skaia when they sleep

wields Stress-relieverKind at some point

bonus: everyone’s actual hair colors

Ideas about the Trolls

no i haven’t done their sprites yet bc it would take so much time and i’m not even sure if people wanna see more of this au skjdkdsakdfkl,, but i have Design Ideas.

events of the dsmp revolution are just a FLARP session drawing parallels to how the homestuck trolls had a FLARP session that spoiler alert: destroyed friendships. dtrio, eret, will are involved. eret betrays will's faction and wilbur's still Bitter over that.

on the context of alternia (highbloods and lowbloods) lmanburg and dreamsmp have their roles SWAPPED.  the emancipation theme thing is completely gone since highbloods are in more power than the lowbloods (the dream team) . 

wilbur made a faction called l’manburg because he wants a place where he and his fellow highbloods could make drugs vibe.they take a piece of land that was owned by the dream team. in normal circumstances, they shouldve stood down because lowbloods aren't supposed to start shit with highbloods (especially a group of highbloods that has the alternian heir among them)  but dream turned it into an activism thing about lowblood rights. the story plays as close as possible without tommy or tubbo in it (which is pretty hard ik but this is the best can do).

like in the dreamsmp revolution, dream kinda let wilbur do what he wants but this time he has more reason to because he’s in a lower caste. dream really only fought back when wilbur announced that he’d be building lmanburg on their land and calling it theirs.

eret betrays wilbur by supporting the lowbloods and wilbur and co. technically won but only because he finally called the drones in, as a reference to how lmanburg absolutely got crushed by the dream team in the smp but technically won. l’manburg keeps the piece of land and the dream team scatter away to find a new home.

wilbur soot's a fuschia because a) he's in a position that has a lot of power, b) yknow how he wrote a song about squids and his thing with sally… yeah.

eret's a violet because nobility!! dream looks down on him because he's ambivalent on fighting for lowblood rights when he's in a power to do so "you just sit there, and you look pretty that's it"

also like eridan he has a minor aesthetic mutation (herobrine eyes) that won't classify him as a mutant.

jschlatt is purple because it makes sense thematically because of the gamzee parallels (a. substance abuse b. if you know what happens in act 6, you know this already but spoiler alert, he ruins the main protagonists' lives) also he's a funnyman he deserves the clown caste

 quackity's a teal because he’s a law student. moving on--

 ok but for real it also makes sense thematically because he's the one who wrote the thing that tricked schlatt into agreeing also he gets manipulated by schlatt which also draws parallels to certain events in the comic

skeppy and bbh are BEST FRIENDS despite being highblood and lowblood respectively. initially, skeppy just wanted to bother bbh but they grew to be good friends in time. y’know like how they actually becane friends :D

philza minecraft is a jade because dad friend. also works thematically, because spoiler alert he gets to murder a seadweller for going batshit crazy. 

he also god tiers early. he dies fighting his quick undead denizen (haha baby zombie) but the consorts of his land carry him to his quest bed because he’s treated them all so well.

dream was initially going to be another caste but then i realized that means i have to make his hoodie something other than green which is unacceptable so its a good thing the fact that he's a lime works out

dream was the one who thought of playing sgrub in the first place- initially only planned to have gogy, sap, and bbh in the session but then realized that they four won't be enough so he invited more into his session

he’s also the first to go godtier ez clap blind speedrun not sure what classpect tho

the only reason why dream avoided being culled at birth for being a limeblood is because his rng is That Good. he quickly picked up the fact that he’s not supposed to exist and masqueraded as an oliveblood and kept mostly to himself to avoid suspicion.

george is still colorblind but he has lazer eyes along with it instead. dream lives with him in the same hive since being a mutant means dream doesn’t get a lusus of his own (dnf fans getcha juice “and they were roommates”) 

despite living in the same hive, he never really figures out that dream is a limeblood. possibly because a) he’s colorblind and when he sees dream bleeding he just sees yellow b) he’s just that fucking oblivious and it’s so valid of him.

sapnap’s a bronzeblood mainly because i know he’s the instigator of the pet war with tommy also because i associate him with the color orang in my mind so bronze it is

that’s the end of this long-ass post!! if you have other ideas PLEASE i want to hear them. i don’t know the other streamers i mentioned in here very well so if you have ideas that would be fitting to them like with classpect or lunar sway that would be GREAT. 

the only thing i’m confident about in here are the kids’ lunar sways. i’m not an expert in classpects and homestuck lore so there’s that too!! i just wanted to make this post because adhd means that the idea wouldn’t shut up until i finished it. This initially started as a single shitpost edit of tommyinnit talksprite but then the hiveswap 2 trailer came out and that means i have to combine my two hyperfixations.

also i have ideas about potential quadrants but idk how much of that is breaking some streamers’ boundaries about shipping (even the non romantic quads such as kismesistude, morallegiance and auspisticism) so i decided not to include it.

edit: apparently people want more so i made a discord server as a place to brainstorm!! please pm me to join!

[stanpinesdykewife]

you ride stan's thigh on his armchair. enjoy!

thigh riding stan/reader (gender-neutral) (with a vagina) pre/during/post-canon/unspecified smut, 1334 words

“What? What's that face?” Stan asks, looking at you sideways from the armchair. His suit jacket and shirt are undone, his girdle and tie long sacrificed to the corner of the living room. Other than that, he's still dressed—a rarity, considering the late hour. On the other hand, you’re dressed in comfortable sleepwear, sitting on the dinosaur skull beside the chair. Your elbow is propped next to Stan’s on the armrest and your chin is propped in your palm. You shrug, watching the dim light of the TV cast soft shadows across Stan’s face.

“Nothing,” you say casually. Stan glances from the corny whodunit on the TV to you, your blank face, your upper body angled toward him. Then he sees it: Your thighs shift together, just slightly, your sleep shorts riding up half an inch. Stan grins.

“So that's it,” he says slowly, knowing, and you turn your hand so your smile is hidden behind your knuckles. Stan finds the remote and lowers the TV volume, then tosses it somewhere to the side. His grin is smug as he says, “Then why're you sittin’ so far away?”

You're almost embarrassed by how quickly you scramble to stand, a flush already blooming across your face. But you're laughing, giggling really, as Stan holds a hand out and helps you climb onto the chair.

“You need some lovin’, sweetheart?” Stan's voice is low and amused, his hands moving to your waist as you straddle his clothed thigh. You almost feel bad about wrinkling his slacks. But then your hand lands on his chest, broad and sturdy and covered in wiry gray hair, and suddenly you couldn't care less.

“Maybe. You got any to give?” Your hands slide up to Stan's broad shoulders, his suit jacket nice and soft beneath your hands. Stan doesn't answer. Instead, he tilts his head to kiss you. Stan's mouth is warm and soft—and impatient. You barely get to kiss him back before he's licking the seam of your lips, making you gasp. Then he's licking into your mouth, one of his hands slipping beneath your shirt to hold your lower back.

Stan's large hands on your bare skin has the effect it always does. You melt into him, whining into his mouth, as he explores the soft skin of your waist. His hand dips beneath the elastic of your underwear, but doesn't go further than that. Either way, you feel like you wouldn't notice—Stan's tongue is hot against yours, against your teeth, and his other hand comes to glide along your upper thighs. You're dizzy with his touch, your hand lightly scratching down his chest. Stan breaks the kiss just to duck his head, to press his lips to your neck, and your head rolls back so you're facing the ceiling.

“Ah, fuck—” Your breath catches in your throat as Stan plants sloppy kisses beneath your jaw, his stubble rough against your neck. He takes his time, just mouthing at your skin, but then he finds that sensitive spot below your ear that makes your hips twitch forward. “Fuck, Stan.”

“There we go,” he mutters against you, a grin growing on his face. You realize after a moment that your hips are still moving, just a little, gentle rocks back and forth on his thigh. You hesitate, going to say something he'd like—See what you do to me? or You make me feel so good—but Stan beats you to the punch: “That's it. Keep grinding on me, baby.”

What the fuck else are you supposed to do? You grind your hips down, this time with more purpose, and let a breathy moan fall from your lips as heat builds in your cunt. Stan's hands come back over your clothes, onto your hips, and he guides you with gentle pushes and pulls, setting your pace for you. Your head falls, landing gently in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Your hands move to hold the back of his neck and the side of the armchair for support as you grind on him.

“You like that? You like riding me like this?” Stan’s voice is gruff and almost too loud with his mouth right next to your ear. But it's hot, it's so hot, because he's always been the type to get off on you getting off, and the quiet little noises you're making manage to pull a groan from his throat. You nod against his skin, your eyes clenched shut, just focusing on the feeling of Stan's thigh beneath your clothed cunt. “Good. God, look at you. Needed this, huh?”

“Yeah, yes,” you say immediately, breathless. Then, because you know Stan loves to hear it, “Been thinking about it all day.”

“Yeah?” Stan's hands grip you tighter. “You just wanna feel good, huh? You like when I make you feel good?”

You bury your nose against the neckline of Stan's shirt, embarrassed. But you nod, because you do like it. That much is obvious. You're already wet, you can feel it soaking the crotch of your underwear, rubbing oddly against your skin as you grind back and forth. You've only been at it for a few minutes but you're already close, that familiar heat in your abdomen rolling as Stan moves one hand to the side of your thigh. You moan at the touch, at the gentle way Stan caresses you.

“Bein’ so sweet for me,” he mutters, shifting his thigh so it presses further up into you. You moan against his collarbones, and he breathes harshly into your ear as you start to move faster. “Shit—Yeah, sweetheart, just like that. Rub that little pussy on me. Bet you're soaked, huh?”

“Yeah, fuck, that's good.” You're panting, your breath coming out in short, hot exhales punctuated by moans that start high in your throat. Stan’s breathing is getting heavy too, loud and rough in your ear, unashamed, and it's bringing you that much closer to the edge. You dig your fingertips into the fabric of the chair, rocking your hips faster, and faster, and you say, “God, I'm—Stan, fuck, please—”

“Come on, baby, come for me,” Stan groans, his hands gripping tight to your hips, forcing you to keep up, to keep fucking his thigh harder and harder. Just as you wish it was his dick you were riding, you notice the large tent in his slacks, straining against the zipper, and it's so hot you feel like you’ve been punched in the fucking gut. Stan's hips roll upwards once, clumsy and involuntary. His voice is strained. “Fuck, you're gonna be so wet after this—gonna fuck you right here, make you take my dick right after you come.”

Your orgasm is sudden, slamming into you, making your jaw drop. Your breath catches in your throat and you're shaking through it, waves of heat rolling through your whole body as Stan groans into your hair and drags your hips against his thigh.

“That's it, that's—Just like that, sweetheart. So fuckin’ good for me,” Stan says lowly, letting you hump his leg like a fucking animal in heat. You chase the end of your climax without much rhythm, your hips stuttering at each deep roll of your body onto Stan's lap. He groans into your ear, muttering praise, how good you are, how pretty you sound, how he can feel you ruining his good slacks.

Slowly, the waves of your orgasm ebb away. One last, soft moan tumbles from your lips before your body slumps over Stan's chest with a deep sigh. He chuckles, and his arms come up around your waist in a loose hug.

“You alright, sugar?” he murmurs, voice soft. You nod against his shoulder, suddenly exhausted. Stan presses a kiss to the side of your head, sweet and gentle, making you tuck your face closer to his neck.

Then he takes your hand and brings it to his crotch so you can feel his dick through his pants.

“Good,” Stan drawls, a grin in his voice. “My turn.”

[watch-grok-brainrot]

A Good Sword

Written for @mdzsnet 1 year net anniversary event. Request sent in by @susuwatari-kompeito​

Rated: G

Word Count:  4392

Characters: Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Suibian (Módào Zǔshī), Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, OC character mentions

Other tags:  Post-Canon, sentient weapons, cw blood, cw injury, Night Hunt, Yunmeng, Post-Canon, Established Relationship WangXian, Gusu, Jiang Cheng being difficult, I stan the least Lan of Lans who also happens to be the best Lan, food mentioned

Summary: Wei Wuxian is forming a golden core in Mo Xuanyu's body. He realizes this means he can wield Suibian again but Lan Wangji reminds him it's with Jiang Cheng in Yunmeng. Their help is requested to subdue supernatural disturbances on Mushan Island so Wangxian head there with some juniors. During the night hunt, they run into Jiang Cheng who happens to have Suibian with him. How will Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian resolve who gets to keep the sword?

Thank you @merelhyn and Aube for the beta!

[Gusu, Cloud Recesses]

A warm spring breeze drifted through the bamboo forest outside the Jingshi, rustling the leaves. As the wind ebbed and flowed, the rustling rose and fell, mimicking the sound of ocean waves. The soothing sound of the bamboo served as stark contrast to the stillness of the Jingshi. Cool sandalwood smoke curled up from a small ceramic incense burner, tumbling up and dissipating into the air. Lan Wangji knelt before his desk with his back straight and shoulders relaxed. A small mountain of letters piled to his right. Three stacks sat neatly to his left. He took a letter from the pile to his right, skimmed it twice with his pale colored eyes, and carefully set it in the appropriate pile to his left. The sandalwood smoke continued to rise as Lan Wangji methodically moved through his work. Only the occasional crinkling of paper and the wave-like sound of bamboo could be heard. The stillness was interrupted when Wei Wuxian charged into the building. Lan Wangji looked up at the sound of quick footsteps. “Lan Zhan! Look what I noticed today!” Wei Wuxian shoved his wrist in front of Lan Wangji. His shirt was half open, showing his bare chest, and his cheeks flushed from exercise. “Mn?” Lan Wangji asked, setting down the letter he was reading. He looked up at Wei Ying’s face and then his gaze drifted to Wei Ying's bare chest. “Feel, Lan Zhan! Feel my pulse!” Wei Wuxian waved his wrist in front of Lan Wangji’s face as he plopped down next to Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji caught the flailing limb, set Wei Ying’s hand gently onto the desk, and pressed his fingers against the other man’s pulse. Wei Ying beamed as Lan Wangji assessed his pulse, feeling along the paths of the shorter man’s meridians. Lan Wangji’s qi was met with Wei Ying’s own energy and ferried to Wei Ying’s core. A golden core was forming inside his Wei Ying at last. “It’s coalescing.” “Yes! And at a decent pace too! Before you know it, I’ll be able to fight with a sword again! Are you looking forward to sparring with me?” “Mn,” Lan Wangji felt the corner of his lips pull back slightly. “Hey, Lan Zhan, speaking of swords, do you know what happened to Suibian? I haven’t seen it for months. Did I misplace it somewhere in Jingshi?” “Jiang Wanyin has it.” “What? Since when?” “When we left Yunmeng.” “Huh. I don’t remember this.” “Do you remember Jin Guangyao provoking Jiang Wanyin about the core transfer?” Wei Wuxian’s eyes darted up towards the ceiling briefly. “He could pull Suibian from its sheath. I remember that now! Hm… I wonder if he’s planning on keeping it or if…” Wei Wuxian trailed off as he turned around and leaned against Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “Lan Zhan, were you working this morning?” “Perusing correspondence. I should continue,” Lan Wangji responded as he wrapped his left arm around Wei Ying. He placed a kiss on the other man’s hair and breathed in — musk from exercising, dust from outside, pine resin, and hint of prickly spice. “Wei Ying always smells good.” The other man laughed. “You always smell good too, Lan er-gege.” Always active, Wei Ying reached towards Lan Wangji’s desk. “Lan Zhan, watcha reading now?” “We received a letter seeking help from Wuhu Gong Sect.” “Wuhu? Where is that?” “Between Gusu and Yunmeng, east of Hefei.” “What did they want?” “Disturbances on ChaoHu’s MuShan Island near Hefei.” “What kind?” “Unclear.” “Are we going to go help?” Lan Wangji waited, choosing not to answer. Wei Ying will figure it out. “Silly question. You go where the chaos is,” Wei Wuxian turned and kissed Lan Wangji. He then laughed, “And here I thought I was the chaos.” Lan Wangji huffed out a small snort. “Alright, alright. We should write back and go help out. I’ll find Chenqing and pack our stuff. You can finish your pile of letters.” “Check between the bed and the window.” “What?” Wei Wuxian hopped from where he was sitting and bounded over to the bed. “You left Chenqing there earlier in the month.” “You really remember everything, don’t you, Lan Zhan?” “No. Only if it pertains to Wei Ying.”

[Yunmeng, Lotus Pier]

Jiang Cheng snapped his head up at the sound of running. “Zongzhu! Help is requested urgently from Hefei!” A young disciple charged into the room waving a letter. “Is there the need to yell and run? Will a few additional moments change the outcome?” Jiang Cheng scolded as he snatched the folded message from the frantic disciple. “Go practice ‘Picking Lotus Roots in the Mud’ in the courtyard at one fifth the standard pace.” “Uh… One fifth?” “Do I need to repeat myself?” Jiang Cheng looked the boy in the eye. “No Zongzhu. Right away,” the disciple scurried off. Jiang Cheng watched the retreating figure and wondered if he himself could even perform the form at one fifth the speed. No matter, the boy was supposed to practice and it would teach him patience. Jiang Cheng turned his attention to the message in his hand. It was from Hefei’s Mi sect, a small sect allied to Yunmeng： “Seeking help from Sandu Shengshou Jiang Wanyin and the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. Mysterious yao disturbances on ChaoHu’s MuShan Island. Hefei Mi and Wuhu Gong attempted to subdue to no avail. Many spiritual weapons were lost in the process. The disturbances have been intensifying over the past three months. The people suffer. Area sects are forced to seek aid from major sects. Hefei Mi Sect Mi Tayan” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes and refolded the letter. Why can’t minor sects be more competent? He and Wei Wuxian were probably subduing yao of that caliber when they were thirteen. Then again, Gong and Mi have had decent reputations lately. Maybe he should not underestimate the yao. Jiang Cheng’s right thumb began idly spinning the violet ring on his middle finger. ChaoHu was large. Yao thriving on those resources could be powerful. Such situations would be best approached with caution. A pity he couldn’t simply ignore this. As the Mi sect was Yunmeng’s most loyal supporter, Yunmeng was obligated to help. Luckily he had at least one spiritual weapon to spare. He stood and swept out of the room.

[MuShan Island]

Dusk blanketed the island in the middle of Chaohu. As the long shadows of trees merged into deep blue darkness, a full moon rose to cast a crisp white light over the party of cultivators on a night hunt. “Lan Zhan! There’s something over here!” Wei Wuxian said as he threw out a talisman towards a large tree. They had been scouring the island since lunch time and Wei Wuxian was growing hungry. The talisman flew forward, glowed bright red, and expanded into a spiritual net, aiming to capture an unidentified target. Wei Wuxian followed his talisman attack by pulling out Chenqing, twirling the flute in his hand once to adjust positioning, and bringing it to his lips. As the high pitch trill of the black bamboo flute pierced the air, the red glow of the spiritual net flickered and flared. Shadows pulsated against the net and Wei Wuxian closed his eyes to focus on pushing his will onto the creature with his infamous demon flute. “Sizhui, flank right with your group. Jingyi, flank left with yours. Aim to subdue, not kill,” Lan Wangji instructed the group of juniors. He then summoned Wangji qin from his qiankun pouch and set about sending spiritual energy towards Wei Wuxian’s net. Sizhui and Jingyi had developed enough experience that they were leading small groups on their own in major night hunts. The two juniors directed their groups to take up positions based on the Seven Stars of the Northern Dipper. Then, they all unsheathed their swords and sent them towards the being under the net. The spiritual blades danced around Wei Wuxian’s talisman. As they flew, the swords collided continuously. “PoZhangYin!” Wei Wuxian opened his eyes and exclaimed after a few collisions, realizing the clanging of the blades played out Gusu’s famous battle melody. “That’s a clever use of swords! I see someone has been teaching useful things like creativity and practical application of known skills!” “Wei-qianbei has a good ear!” Jingyi said as his sword hit Sizhui’s. “It was Sizhui’s idea. He remembered that awful blade of grass you used and thought we could do the same with our swords. We have been practicing!” “Jingyi, focus,” Lan Wangji chided, sending another wave of qin energy towards the target. “Wei Ying, do you know what it is?” “Some sort of old waterfowl yao. I can’t quite get a sense of it yet. Possibly a duck. Hey, Hanguang-jun, do you want to have roast duck for dinner?” “I prefer sampling local delicacies,” Lan Wangji responded, his voice steady as he sent another wave of energy towards the trapped yao. “You do have a point, Lan Zhan. I hear the Binjiong cakes here are good. We should give them a try.” “Mn. Focus so Wei Ying can eat later. It’s loquat season.” Wei Wuxian laughed, “Alright! Your treat, Hanguang-jun!” He turned his attention back to the trapped yao. As the nine cultivators poured their energies into the talisman and sword formation, the shadows emanating from the net began to subside. After a stick of incense worth of time, the last notes of PoZhangYin clanged from the swords and the talisman net’s bright glow softened to the dim light of embers. Anguished quacks could be heard. “Wei-qianbei! You’re right, it is a duck yao!” The noises continued and Wei Wuxian’s brows furrowed. Something did not feel right. The sound was not… Wei Wuxian cursed and bolted to the yao. He hurriedly started casting a silencing talisman while explaining, “This isn’t a duck yao. It’s a mandarin duck yao and she’s calling for her mate. He’s probab—” Something fast crashed into his back, knocking him forward. He fell, crushing the talisman net and releasing the yao inside. “Wei Ying!” Wei Wuxian heard Lan Zhan yell as energy waves from Wangji washed over him. Both yao being hit by the chord attacks reared up and expanded in size. The smell of rotting fish, stale lake water, and decaying wood filled Wei Wuxian’s nose. The two yao propelled themselves into the air, their attention diverted from Wei Wuxian to Lan Wangji. “Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian yelled as he scrambled up and brought Chenqing to his lips again. The strong melancholy notes from Chenqing pushed towards the yao, attempting to control them. “Sizhui, Jingyi, Bagua formation! Contain them. Vanquish if necessary,” Lan Wangji ordered, Wangji still in hand. He swept his fingers over the seven strings, sending out seven separate chord assassination attacks. The juniors took positions in accordance to Bagua with Lan Wangji at the Qian position and Sizhui at the Kun position wielding their respective qin. The other juniors’ swords wove around the two yao. Marsh, Fire, Thunder, Wind, Water, and Mountain anchored between Heaven and Earth. The Bagua formation shifted between its permutations, drawing upon these primal aspects of nature. The two yao, trapped in an ever-mutating array of sword and qin energies, struggled against the Lan sect attack at first. The female soon calmed. She flew around the male, calming him as well. They hovered in midair observing the attacks. Then, the two yao moved. The female allowed herself to get hit by an attack from Lan Haoye. The sword stabbed into her left side but seemed to do little damage. Instead, the sword became embedded in the yao and Haoye lost control of her sword. Then, the female dove for the youngest cultivator, Lan Pinshu, who stood halfway between Lan Sizhui and Lan Wangji. The male, similarly, took a hit from Lan Runchan and dove for Lan Jinglin. Haoye stood on the water position and Pinshu on fire. Lan Runchan was on marsh and Jinglin on mountain. Wei Wuxian cursed again, “Everyone be careful. They’re taking hits aligned with their nature to strengthen themselves and attacking the opposite element to counter us. The female is cunning.” Wei Wuxian gathered his qi and pushed off the ground towards Pinshu. Times like these he missed his old body. This one was still too slow and had too little reach. To accelerate himself further, he slapped a talisman onto his lower back. He was closer to the boy than the female yao. He had a chance to protect the boy if he could just move between them. The force of the magic boosted his speed, giving him just enough time to step between the yao and the boy. He tucked Chenqing into his qiankun sleeve and grabbed Haoye’s sword jutting from the yao’s side. The yao screamed, strong resentful energy burst forth from her body. Gusts of resentment whipped around Wei Wuxian and Lan Pinshu, lifting up small pieces of foliage and debris. Wei Wuxian stood firm, putting himself between the yao and Pinshu, using his body as a shield. He clung onto Haoye’s sword and sliced down, aiming to split the yao in half. The yao screeched for her mate. The male yao abandoned his trajectory, shifting his body and arced towards Wei Wuxian. In flight, his form flattened into a blade with his beak elongating and sharpening into a point. Wei Wuxian saw the male yao approach but stood his ground. Haoye’s sword cut through and broke free from the female yao as the male yao’s beak pierced Wei Wuxian’s left side, sliding between two of his ribs. Before Wei Wuxian could redirect Haoye’s sword to slice towards the yao embedded half way in his chest, a bright flash of purple accompanied by a loud pop grabbed the tail end of the yao and forcibly pulled it out of Wei Wuxian’s chest. Wei Wuxian bit down on a scream. There was no reason to scare Pinshu right now. Wei Wuxian heard his name through a daze as something zoomed towards him. He lifted up Haoye’s sword to deflect the projectile but instinct took over and he found himself catching the object at the last moment. Suibian, his old sword, rested in his hand. In his previous life, Suibian’s hilt fit his hand so perfectly it was as if the sword had formed knowing it would be his. Considering the inscription on its sheath, maybe it did know. In this new body, his hand was just a fraction too small to wield Suibian with that old familiarity and ease. Wei Wuxian tightened his grip on his old friend. “Wei Wuxian, pay attention!” The sound of Jiang Cheng yelling shook Wei Wuxian from his thoughts. The female yao charged at him with half her entrails spilling from her body. Wei Wuxian unsheathed Suibian, pulled spiritual energy from his newly forming golden core, and sliced towards the yao. After a few exchanges, Suibian decapitated the creature, its body falling to the ground with a splat. Wei Wuxian smiled, “Suibian, looks like we still got this.” He thought he felt the sword shiver in response. Looking around, he saw Jiang Cheng and the Lans had disposed of the male yao as well. Lan Wangji and Sizhui were putting their qin away; Zidian was receding into Jiang Cheng’s ring; and the juniors were all sheathing their swords. Wei Wuxian watched Lan Wangji give instructions to the five unseasoned juniors to cleanse the area of residual resentment. Everyone was safe and well. He let out a sigh of relief which turned into coughs. Blood dribbled from his mouth and he fell to his knees. As he toppled forward, his right hand shot out to support his weight as his left hand pressed against the suddenly searing wound on his chest. Footsteps and people yelling his name closed in around him. “Wei Ying!” “Wei-qianbei!” “Wei Wuxian!” “I’m ok. Just a small wound,” Wei Wuxian tried to wave everyone off. Lan Wangji knelt by Wei Wuxian and started examining his puncture wound. “I can’t believe you let that yao hit you. What were you thinking? What if it were trying to curse you?” Jiang Cheng walked up and started scolding. “I was fighting the female.” “You’re coughing up blood.” “Jiang Cheng, you try having something stab you in the lungs. I’m sure you’ll cough up some blood too,” Wei Wuxian retorted, making himself cough up more blood. “Jin Guangyao did a few months ago, remember?” “Wei Ying. Stop talking.” “Jiang-zongzhu, maybe it’s not the best idea for you to antagonize Wei-qianbei right now,” Sizhui spoke up, giving Lan Wangji nervous glances. Lan Wangji stymied the blood flow by hitting a few choice acupoints. He then disinfected Wei Wuxian’s wound with a stream of qi and sprinkled some wound sealing powder to help accelerate clotting. He wrapped his right arm around Wei Wuxian’s waist, “Can you stand?” Wei Wuxian gave a nod and let Lan Wangji help him up. He looked at Jiang Cheng awkwardly. “Um…” “I’m just here to retrieve my sword.” “Sandu?” “The one in your hand.” Wei Wuxian felt his grip on Suibian tighten. “Suibian has always been my sword.” “It unsheathes for me.” Wei Wuxian paused. What argument could he use? They both knew Suibian would unsheathe for Jiang Cheng because Jiang Cheng has Wei Wuxian’s golden core. Because it was what Wei Wuxian owed the Jiangs. Because Wei Wuxian did not believe Jiang Cheng would be able to survive without one. But that was not an argument he could make. His chest was hurting and he did not need to revisit Jiang Cheng’s reaction. “I’m taking your silence as agreement,” Jiang Cheng reached for the sword. Wei Wuxian pulled Suibian out of Jiang Cheng’s reach. “Suibian also unsheathes for me.” “Suibian was given to you as the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. You’re no longer in the sect. You defected. I should have taken Suibian with me then,” Jiang Cheng drew himself to his full height and looked down his nose at Wei Wuxian. “Suibian is sentient. It knows Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji spoke up, glaring down at Jiang Cheng. “Suibian is made from the trees of Yunmeng, its blade quenched with our waters. It belongs in Yunmeng. And it knows me as well.” “Suibian has always been Wei Wuxian’s sword. You did not take it when Wei Ying moved to the Burial Mounds. It is not yours to take right now.” “Wei Wuxian would not even have it had I not brought it as a backup to Sandu today.” “Jiang Cheng, why are you here anyway? And why bring Suibian?” Wei Wuxian asked. “Mi Tayan wrote Yunmeng seeking help. Apparently the Gong sect and Mi sect could not handle these two on their own. Suibian served as a spare since the yao had been taking spiritual weapons,” Jiang Cheng answered frankly. He then looked Wei Wuxian up and down. Wei Wuxian shrunk into Lan Wangji, hearing Jiang Cheng’s unspoken words: Your new body is weak. You don’t have a golden core anyway. You can’t use it for long. “A few days ago, I felt the beginning of a golden core coalescing.” Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow. “Why are you telling me this? Why would I care?” “I will have the strength to wield Suibian again. Suibian is mine.” “You can take it when you can and are willing to take the golden core inside me back,” Jiang Cheng spat. His ring crackled as Zidian sent forth a warning shock. “You know I would never do that.” “Then give me back my sect’s sword.” Wei Wuxian pushed Lan Wangji away and placed his right hand on Suibian’s hilt. “I don’t want to fight you Jiang Cheng but I’m not someone you can bully.” Zidian crackled. “Suibian belongs to Yunmeng. I will not let Lan-er or any other self-righteous, headband wearing, cultivator take what belongs to my sect. Yunmeng will not back down.” Sizhui interjected, “Wait. Fighting now is unproductive. Jiang-zongzhu, Wei-qianbei, is there no other resolution? If Suibian is sentient, can we not ask it to choose?” “Yeah! Even if Jiang-zongzhu beats Wei-qianbei, it wouldn’t reflect well on Yunmeng. I didn’t think Yunmeng would be the type to pick on someone who was just injured and without a fully formed core,” Jingyi added. Wei Wuxian scoffed, “You’re not holding back, are you, Jingyi?” “Sorry Wei-qianbei. Fighting Jiang-zongzhu right now would be so unfair to you.” “Ask it to choose?” Jiang Cheng scoffed at Sizhui. “Suibian isn’t some spirit you can just ask with WenLing who it is, how it died, what it wants. It’s a sword that has bonded with a person.” Jingyi laughed, “Well, then we just have to show if it’s bonded more to the soul or the golden core.” “And how do you propose to do this? I’ve never heard of such an assessment.” “Jiang-zongzhu, we just need to be a bit creative. Would you mind performing some initial tests with us?” Sizhui asked. “I’m not here to play games.” “We are serious, right, Sizhui? We are simply trying to apply our new-found creativity and practical application of known skills!” Jingyi beamed. Sizhui did not roll his eyes at his smug friend. “Jiang-zongshu, has Jin Ling ever spoken with you about the events that transpired at Yi City involving Xue Yang, Song Lan-daozhang, and Xiao Xingchen-daozhang? “Some.” “Are you aware that Xue Yang had Shuanghua at the time? And Hanguang-jun was able to take it from him?” “Jin Ling did mention something like that.” “Shuanghua was aware that Xue Yang did not align with Xiao Xingchen-daozhang’s world view and thus abandoned Xue Yang. I believe if you and Wei-qianbei are both able to wield Suiban then it becomes a matter of seeing if one of you can override the other’s will.” Jiang Cheng pursed his lips into a line. Sizhui added, “Jiang-zongzhu, you have the advantage here. Considering Wei-qianbei’s lower cultivation, he would only be able to override your will if Suibian is truly loyal to him. You have very little to lose.” “Fine,” Jiang Cheng scowled. “Let’s get this over with.” Sizhui then turned to Wei Wuxian, “Wei-qianbei, would you mind sending Suibian out to encircle that tree, approaching from the left, and returning it to its sheath?” Wei Wuxian performed the task. “Wei-qianbei, hand Suibian to Jiang-zongzhu,” Jingyi ordered. “Jiang-zongzhu please do the same but approach from the right.” Jiang Cheng performed the task with a bored expression. “Jiang-zongzhu, please hand Suibian back to Wei-qianbei. Now, Wei-qianbei will perform the same task as he did earlier. You goal, Jiang-zongzhu is to get Suibian to circle the tree from the other direction.” Wei Wuxian stared at the sword that was too big for his hand. Are you really mine? Or have you bonded with Jiang Cheng in the last few months? He closed his eyes, sighed, and sent Suibian flying. Suibian flew true and returned to Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng scowled, “Is that it? This proves nothing.” “There is at least one more step,” Sizhui answered respectfully. “Wei-qianbei, give Suibian to Jiang-zongzhu. Your turn to try to make Suibian fly the other direction!” Jingyi said, shaking with excitement. “Jiang-zongzhu, if Wei-qianbei is able to divert Suibian, then it is likely bonded with him more than with you. If not, then we will need to find a different way to assess the ownership of the sword.” Wei Wuxian nodded and whispered to the sword, “Suibian, you sealed for me for thirteen years. I cannot ask for more. But maybe do me a favor this one time.” He then handed it over to Jiang Cheng. Sizhui stared Jiang Cheng in the eye. “You may proceed.” Suibian flew out from Jiang Cheng towards the pre-appointed tree. It started veering right but wobbled. Jiang Cheng’s brow furrowed, driving it back on course. Wei Wuxian bit his lip, his eyes narrowing slightly, shoving his focus into the sword. The distance between where they stood and the tree was only ten zhang or so. He didn’t have much time. He could feel Jiang Cheng urging the sword to the right. Wei Wuxian shifted his weight onto the balls of his feet, mentally reaching for Suibian. Suibian, I miss you. Please. Wei Wuxian could feel Jiang Cheng’s connection to the sword snap as Suibian swerved in mid-air, circled the tree from the left, and flew into Wei Wuxian’s grip. Jiang Cheng let out a startled grunt. Wei Wuxian almost laughed at the familiar sound. It reminded him of childhood in Yunmeng, of waking up to that sound and a thud as Jiang Cheng rolled off his bed. A grin spread across Wei Wuxian’s face. “Incredible! Suibian really is sentient,” Pinshu sighed in admiration. “I thought only cultivators who had bonded for a lifetime with their swords had that sort of loyalty!” “Suibian has always been loyal to Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji explained. “Its inscription is indicative of its devotion. Sizhui, Jingyi, good work." The two juniors stood up straighter and grinned at each other under Lan Wangji's praise. Jiang Cheng handed Suibian's sheath to Wei Wuxian, “Yours. Don’t be too smug. I don’t want it if it doesn’t belong to Yunmeng. And stop leaving it places.” “Jiang Cheng…” “What?” “Thank you.” “Whatever. It’s not like it’s that good a sword anyway,” Jiang Cheng said and stalked off into the darkness to look for the other members of his sect. Wei Wuxian clung onto Suibian, “Welcome back. I’ve missed you.” He suddenly lifted up Suibian and stared at the sword in awe. “Wei Ying?” “Lan Zhan, is my hand suddenly bigger?” Wei Wuxian asked, holding up a hand that once belonged to a man named Mo Xuanyu. Lan Zhan held up his hand as well. Wei Wuxian’s hand was smaller by the same familiar margin. “No. Why does Wei Ying ask?” Wei Wuxian gripped Suibian by the hilt and held out his fist out. “My hand was a bit too small earlier tonight. And now it’s perfect for my hand again.” “Mn. Suibian is a good sword.” “Suibian really is a good sword,” Wei Wuxian echoed. “Hey, do you think you can treat your poor wounded husband to some roast mandarin duck and Binjiong cakes now?” “Loquats as well. My treat,” Lan Wangji nodded once with a hint of a smile.

Author’s notes: 

1) For SHL/WOH fans, I was working on this request and trying to find a place between yunmeng and gusu. I ended up seeing Hefei, Chaohu, and Mushan Island. As I was zooming out, I noticed Wuhu was a town pretty close by… so I decided to shove a reference to Gong Jun and his Wuhu singing into my story as an easter egg. I’m not sorry.

2) Poetry references: A - The name of the form JC asks the disciple to practice is 泥中采藕 in chinese. I pulled it from this poem: 元 · 丁鹤年 水上摘莲青的的，泥中采藕白纤纤。 却笑同根不同味，莲心清苦藕芽甜。

B - This is completely me being derp. Hefei is a location where the name fertile (in terms of soil)/fat is part of the name. I chose the sect to have a last name related to grains. And then I looked up that character in poetry to name the sect leader: 黄庭坚 (宋） 嚼冰进糜餐，冲雪踏层巘

C - Since CR’s name is from a Jia Dao poem, I chose to pull all the names of the OC juniors from Jia Dao Poems as well: Pinshu is from: 《让纠曹上乐使君》 瓶汲南溪水，书来北岳僧。

Haoye is per: 《上谷旅夜》 月到寒窗空皓晶，风翻落叶更飕飗

Jinglin and Runchan I took inspiration from: 《升道精舍南台对月寄姚合》 月向南台见，秋霖洗涤余。 出逢危叶落，静看众峰疏。 冷露常时有，禅窗此夜虚。 相思聊怅望，润气遍衣初。

3) Seven Stars of the Northern Dipper is the big dipper. It’s common in wuxia as a formation. Same goes for Bagua. Both are daoist but so is Xianxia type cultivation. I know the Lans are Buddhist in origin but they really aren’t that way religion-wise.

4) Mandarin ducks are yuanyang and a term/symbol of a loving couple and monogamous faithfulness.

5) 滨炯一品玉带糕 are binjiong yiping (first ranked) jade-belted cakes. They’re a famous pastry/cake in the area. Idk if it’s period accurate but mdzs isn’t period accurate so i’m using it. 姥山枇杷 (mushan loquats) are supposed to be large, sweet, thin skinned with lots of flesh and super juicy. It was a good thing to include since this story is so heavily wangxian. And i don’t know if people eat mandarin ducks, but I would want to if i were wwx after that night hunt.

[russianbluewitch]

“Daughters AU” aka South Parkettes

This is a story about an alternate future of South Park where everyone stayed friends, and while some of the boys left for college, nearly everyone came back, and now most of them have daughters in third grade.

Disclaimer: Just because I put these boys certain couples doesn’t mean I necessarily ship any of these things. I’m not really into shipping; please don’t drag me into ship discourse.

The main 4:

Sandy Marsh, daughter of Stan and Wendy Marsh

-Daddy’s little girl

-Tomboy who plays baseball; star hitter for the otherwise all boy team. Stan pitches to help her practice

-Embraces gender nonconformity in part because she wants to please her parents, giving Stan a pseudo-son and showing Wendy that she isn’t oppressed by stereotypes and the future is bright or something

-BFFs with Esther

-Aware of her dad’s chronic depression, despite Stan’s attempts to hide it, and believes it’s her job to make him smile. It’s not the healthiest mindset

-Out loud, takes pride in being a maverick who does what she likes, no matter what society says, but this is masking insecurity. She’s really more of a people pleaser with a very short list of people she lives to please.

-joined the Boy Scouts instead of the Girl Scouts because having her mother as a den mother felt weird to her and also Butters is the best scout leader

-long black hair that’s usually in a ponytail under a baseball cap, but she lets Esther style it for fun sometimes since Esther’s own hair is unmanageable

-Also owns a blue knit beret with a red poofball

Esther Brovloski-Dacyzyn, daughter of Dr. Kyle Brovloski and Maya Dacyzyn

-Daughter of Kyle and who? Maya is someone Kyle met in college and she might get her own post later. Sorry for canon x OC but like, most people don’t get married to people they knew in elementary school

-Anyway Esther is Sandy’s BFF, the girly girl to Sandy’s tomboy

-artsy, good with her hands; likes to play salon owner and give makeovers

-also rigidly religious. Gets it from her mom’s side. Doesn’t go out of her way to yell at people who aren’t Jewish; this mostly comes up when she opts out of certain activities.

-an absolute brick wall when she’s angry or being stubborn.

-Kyle does morality by heart, which is why he spends so many episodes fretting about stuff. Esther does morality by the book, in the hopes that she doesn’t have to live her life waffling all over like that.

-inherited her dad’s hair and hates it. Keeps it under a pink knit hat with two dangling pompoms

Erin Cartman, daughter of ???

-Eric found a baby lying in a field and decided to keep it for reasons no one knows but himself.

-(going to call Eric Cartman just Cartman and Erin just Erin for the rest of this post)

-For as long as Cartman was alive there was only one person he cared about. Then he found Erin and that number became two. And the people of South Park trembled.

-absolutely a spoiled brat just like her father before her

-even if she’s not biologically related to Cartman she’s still recognizably the fattest kid in South Park

-did I say Esther was the girly girl? No THIS is the girly girl

-everything she owns is sparkly or bedazzled. Only the best for Cartman’s little princess

-wears fairy wings or princess costumes on random occasions. Her normal outfit is an iridescent pink parka lined with faux fur

-way more likely than her dad ever was to throw down, even with grown adults. Battle cry is “I’ll scratch your eyes out!”

-“Daddy! You can’t hit Kyle like that! You’ll go to jail for assault, and then I’ll grow up as a fatherless degenerate! I’ll hit him for you :)”

-raised in a large part by her grandmother, because yes Cartman still lives with his mom.

-“Grandma! Daddy’s being mean to me!” “Eric, go to your room!”

-Cartman will then actually go to his room and think about what he’s done

-oh did you think Cartman would be married in this future? Haha no. And now Erin will make sure he never has another lady in his life.

-on the other hand, Kenny was also around to help with Erin when she was little and now she regards him as a second dad that she goes to for actual advice, much like Cartman used to do with Chef.

-considers Jenny her younger sister. The feeling is not mutual.

-actually about a year older than the other three daughters, but she’s in third grade now because when she was five she just didn’t want to start school and no one made her. It wasn’t until the other three were ready that she got jealous and agreed to start school.

-hates Kyle and Esther and Jews because her father told her to. Doesn’t actually know what Jewish means.

Jenny McCormick, daughter of Kenny McCormick and Dora Boxx

-of who? A serial black widow. Long story.

-her mom is not in her life anymore except for occasional jump scares and special episodes. It’s just her and her dad against the world.

-she remembers. But Kenny never remembers that she knows.

-takes perverse pleasure in creeping people out. Collects spiders and worms just to scare her classmates; draws pictures of people bleeding to death in crayon

-claims she sees ghosts and demons. She definitely knows some things about the past of South Park that she couldn’t have found out otherwise.

-mostly wears her dad’s old parkas. He’s got like eighty of them from his various resurrections and he’s still collecting more. They tend to get damaged or set on fire and she likes to confuse her friends by pretending she only has the one parka and she just fixed it somehow. To her, it feels like wearing a hug.

-hangs out with Erin over Sandy and Esther when it comes to that, despite her undisguised hatred of Erin, or perhaps because of it.

-is she an inheritor of her dad’s curse? No one’s sure yet. Kenny’s not about to let anyone find out.

[vic-chaos]

OK OK it’s time for me to post all of my thoughts in a long ramble under a readmore in order to not explode jsdmsnd

Cartman............................... not even sure where to start honestly sjdfhdbff. it makes me really really sad that he gave up everything to do something selfless and suffered the worst fate of everyone?? None of his friends even giving a shit about him in the end..... ok then. I love the moral of this story guys.

But yeah I guess, it’s hard for me to look past anything about him other than the ending because it sucked so fucking hard jhbsjgdgf

Positives are uhhhhh..... I liked seeing more of his personality coming out in this part, and I like the further proof that he’s capable of both being a good person and doing genuinely selfless things when its for people he loves (we already had the first time with the pangolin, but the stakes were much higher this time and he still did it).

I guess unfortunately.... I still just don’t like Cartman’s storyline in both this and the last special. In the last few days or so I had already kind of come to terms with the fact that this is just another instance of a story arc/episode I simply don’t like, which there are already loads of, and its fine and not a big deal. (No shade to anyone who does like what they did with him, its just an issue of personal preference). And I had expected to maintain the same kind of emotional distance, but I didn’t know that the ending would hurt me so badly so now I have to go through a whole other grieving process djhbsdjfgg

Alright..... UHHH........ the buttman was extremely good though. Cartman grabbing him when he had his pants down in the toilet (also the fact that he still does that to pee sjdjsdjsjdsdj) and Butters accusing him of trying to look at his dick is making me sob, like the pattern with them really continues..... LMAO 😭

The way Cartman was the only one who could control him is making me insane ((thinking back to S20 when Kyle said he was the only one who could get Butters under control then too......)) Butters went back to being his henchman and partner in crime SO quickly and easily hdfsfdh I love themm 😭

Butters was also extremely cute I love the moustache I love the accent, the chest hair 😔🙏 and how much he still looked like himself..... kisses him. The NFT shit made me laugh so much too and I’m glad they made fun of those dfgjhfbjdhgf

I also have some feelings about Butters becoming this smooth talking, money obsessed con artist as a result of being trapped by his parents for so long, how much that persona feels like Cartman and thinking back to my post about how adopting personality traits from him has been helping Butters stand up to his parents and become more confident...... I may try and put this into better words another day lmao.

Clyde was super funny, RIP in rest king 😭 maybe he deserved it but I did love himm

Token was so good and perfect, Ike too. Stan’s astronaut uniform in the end was cute as hell, Shelly was so cute too!!? Also main 4 going back to being friends as kids......... 🥺❤ (I’m just gonna pretend that ending didn’t happen LMAO they all stay friends forever and they all end up happy. Its canon now)

I think that’s all I needed to get off my chest for now smdsnd, I may have some more things to comment on later when I’ve processed everything.....

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents