#GET FUCKED LUDWIG YOU HAVE TO WIN AGAIN

[purgeturbia]

HE SLEPT WITH THE EVENT ORGANIZER!!!!!!!!!!

[spikedsoul]

maid's worst nightmare - ch 40

i'm trying not to take ages between chapters anymore! still haven't seen the movie due to life circumstances but i'm really hopin to see it soon... anyway. here!

previous chapters

@sovereign-of-succ

Bowser’s mind was still reeling even as he held you against him and let his chin rest on your shoulder. He almost wasn’t sure what to do with all of the trust you were giving him. Ordinarily, the first thing he would do would be to accidentally self sabotage, but those days were supposed to be over. He had to actively, consciously try to show you he wanted to keep you around. He loved you, damn it, and he knew if he lost you, he’d probably snap.

Surely he could keep himself together? Surely if he did slip up, you wouldn’t immediately break things off and go running back to the safety of Peach’s castle?

Fuck, these thoughts were unwanted right now.

“So,” he rumbled, shifting his head so that his lips were against your soft skin, “how are you likin’ the race so far?” Dumb. Dumb question. Stupid, horrible question.

“Honestly, it’s a lot more exciting than I imagined! I thought it would just be like regular racing, no items or anything,” you giggled softly. “It does make me a little anxious, but I’m trying to remember the kids aren’t getting hurt.”

Bowser’s eyes closed for a moment as he let that statement sink in; hardly a week in, and you were so loving and accepting to him and his kids. No wonder his doting adoptive father was already asking for another grandkid. But that was definitely going too quickly, even if the physical attraction ended up winning out just earlier.

He placed a few gentle kisses against your neck, another rumble slipping out. You tilted your head to the side slightly, allowing him more room - and he absolutely took the advantage to place more kisses.

The shiver that shook your shoulders had him nipping the shell of your ear.

“Bowser, please,” you breathed, goosebumps rising over your skin. “We’re supposed to be watching your kids…”

Bowser chuffed against you as his eye flicked to the screen. By now, Junior and Morton had pulled a fair way ahead of Ludwig, with Junior still in the lead. He wasn’t surprised to see his youngest using the favorite method of serpentining in front of Morton to keep him from being able to pull ahead. He could see from the camera angles that the straggling Ludwig had a wicked smile on his face - the kind of smile that suggested he was about to unleash the best item they had.

No doubt you’d be highly alarmed, so in preparation, the king tightened his hold on you. No sooner had he done that than Ludwig released the blue shell.

You immediately tensed up as the homing missile shot toward the two younger koopas. Although he did feel slightly guilty about it, he didn’t remind you that they’d be okay; he rather liked watching you squirm in concern for his kids’ safety.

He wasn’t so cruel as to ignore you when the inevitable happened, though.

The blue shell struck Junior (and Morton by proxy), exploding with a powerful force. You cried out in surprise at the violent nature of it, struggling a little in his lap to try and get up, but he held you fast to his chest.

“Easy, baby, easy,” he rumbled, “look, they okay. See? Just a setback. Kids are fine.”

Sure enough, like Ludwig had been flipped by the shell earlier, the apparent explosion and all that smoke cleared to reveal Junior and Morton looking just fine, if a little discombobulated. Ludwig had pulled ahead, of course, since he’d been far enough away not to get caught in the explosion, and the two younger boys slowly got back into it as their visions cleared.

“Fuck,” you breathed in relief, physically relaxing against him as he was proven right. The kids were perfectly fine. After a moment of watching the two younger boys struggle to catch up again, you shifted to shoot him a little glare. “You couldn’t have warned me?” Well, he couldn’t just up and admit he wanted to see that endearing concern over his kids, now could he? But he also didn’t want to make a habit of lying to her like he was about to.

“I guess I’m so used to it I didn’t think about it… sorry, sweetheart. Anythin’ that happens on these tracks may look scary, but it’s not actually dangerous. If it was I wouldn’t be lettin’ my kids race.” Bowser placed a few featherlight kisses to your face in apology.

You eyed him a little suspiciously, but sighed, gently stroking his muzzle. “Alright… alright. Is that the worst of it? Anything else I should be warned about?” you mumbled.

He couldn’t help a little grin as he shrugged at your question.

“Technically? Yeah. That’s the most powerful item there is in a race, so anythin’ else you see ain’t gonna be nearly as bad,” he did his best to soothe. When you didn’t seem entirely convinced, he rumbled deeply, hugging you close.

You sighed heavily but ultimately let your shoulders slump. “If I didn’t know better, I’d suggest you purposefully let me get a little riled up, since you know I haven’t witnessed a race before,” you murmured.

Bowser grinned a little; you were pretty sharp.

“Now, why I’d go and do that, sweetheart?” He did his best to sound as innocent as he could, but neither he, nor you, ultimately bought it, based on your little smirk.

“Because you’re kind of a dick.”

His jaw fell open in shock. It was true, yes, but this was the first time anyone had come and outright said it to his face like that… and it was you, of all people, the sweet little maid who was routinely proving to be much bolder than anyone could’ve guessed. He should’ve been irritated, mad, something, but he wasn’t.

That insult paired with that cheeky grin you were now giving him was making his heart race.

He was a king, he was a giant koopa, he could breathe fire and annihilate you, and yet you continued to show him how you were being honest about being comfortable with you. You were a fucking handmaid, treating a king like he was your equal… and his heart was growing impossibly fonder for it.

“You okay, big guy?” Your voice forced him to blink a few times and tune back into the moment.

His mouth flapped uselessly for a moment before he dumbly asked, “Did you just insult me?”

You giggled softly, a sweet sound despite those undertones of anxiety he could detect, and tucked your head against him as you settled to watch the end of the second lap. So far, it was still a close race; items would probably make all the difference.

“I sure did,” you sighed, your smile evident in your voice. You even gently patted his tummy. “Out of affection… obviously it didn’t upset you too much, though. ….Right?”

That last word was spoken so quietly he almost didn’t hear it, but it shot a painful arrow straight through his heart as he suddenly remembered all the trauma you’d suffered before finding him. You were comfortable, yeah, but it didn’t mean it was without that hidden baggage, and he’d have to remember that.

“Right. Right, baby girl, I ain’t upset.” He took hold of your hand and kissed your knuckles gently.

You nodded, rubbing his tummy gently; that anxiety scent faded quickly. “Okay, good. If I thought it would really offend you, I wouldn’t have said it…”

He smirked. “Actually, I got caught up thinkin’ how attractive it was. Don’t think I ever had someone insult me to my face before, not since I became a king…” You gasped, and pulled your hand back to inevitably hide your face even though he couldn’t even see it. He laughed, gently rubbing his chin on the top of your head to help ease your embarrassment. “Easy, sweetheart. I love that you forgot. Now, we got a final lap to watch, huh?”

Morton was now currently in the lead, but Ludwig and Junior were just barely behind him as the third lap got started.

Bowser grinned as he felt you nod after a moment, but you didn’t say anything else, and he didn’t push it.

[tremendousconnoisseurgardener]

Ruthless! Player

A Poppy Playtime AU.

Author’s Note: Hello everyone. Sorry if you get confused at the start of this chapter, I tried to make the Player have a dream while they were fainted. This chapter will be divided in two parts

Warnings!

This fics will have sensitive topics:

PTSD

Death

Blood

Gore

Swears

Consumption of alcohol and smoking

If you do not like any of these topics, you are free to leave. Have a nice day/night.

Chapter 2-1: Fly in A Web

**/**/1957

Player was walking through a military camp, located near the shore of a forest towards the sea. Player was a young soldier back in the day, leader of a platoon to be more exact, they were called by their superior to get a new mission. Along the path towards the tent of the Major, other soldiers could be seen relaxing or playing some cards, it even looked like they were on a vacation. Soon, Player met their superior in the tent.

“I’m here, Major.” Player saluted the, rather old, man

“Glad to see you again, soldier. I’ve got a mission for your team.” The Major explained “The mission is to infiltrate and destroy a nenemy base deep in the forest, that area contains anti-aircraft guns, it would help our air support.”

“That seems simple.”

“Nothing is simple around here. That base is full of traps, the trees have been used as camouflage for ambushes from the enemy, and many of our troops have been attacked. But, I know that your team has enough experience to complete the mission, the army would be honored by your bravery.”

“I…” Player didn’t know what to say, their entire team could win medals if they succeeded, but it could cost a lot of lives. But the persuasion of the Major got the best of them “I’ll do it Major, count on me!”

Player exit the tent and went to meet with their team. There they told about the new mission, although the thought of getting condecorations was great, the danger of the task given was very worrying.

“Uhm, Captain.” A soldier approached them, he was the second in command and a friend of Player, David Campbell. He was a rather thin individual, although physically weaker he was fast and more observant “can we talk, in private?”

David dragged you to a location far from the group

“Look, I know it’s tempting, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I saw the bodies of the guys who tried to attack that enemy base, they were all fucked up!” He said.

“I know David, but look at the chance that we have, to be honored by the military! Not only that, but the enemy forces are getting weaker, maybe by destroying that base, it can help us do a finishing blow on the army.” Player said. David couldn’t argue with them, after all, they wouldn’t listen, something typical when they were younger.

The platoon packed their equipment to begin the mission, soon they were entering deep inside the forest, who knows what dangers they might encounter?

.

.

.

Player slowly woke up from this strange nap, they were laying on the floor of that vintage looking room, where Poppy was located.

“Ugh… why did I dream about that?” They looked around and saw that the box where Poppy was kept, is now empty. Not only that, but her voice echoed inside their head while they were passed out, telling them to *Wake Up* “Great, now another toy for me to deal with.”

They exited the room and went to the corridor. Although the place was the same, all the furniture contained in that area were all piled up and blocking Player’s path, removing those things were almost impossible for someone in that age. Player tried to find another exit, until they saw a white door at the corner of the area, it was out of place compared to all the vintage aesthetics. They opened it up and another hallway was lying ahead, they also noticed the amount of blood splattered on the ground, seemingly coming from destroyed… toys…

Player went through the corridor and saw an intersection at the end of it, a red door with a golden sign written *Ellito Ludwig* laid in front of Player, there were two different paths to take. On the left side, there was a gate which would only open when the panels with handprints were powered back, on the right side there was a large hole in the ground which was impossible to jump across.

“Well, what now?” Player looked on the ceiling of the right path and noticed a metal bar hanging on it, they shot the Gran-Pack hand which held on to the bar, although the plan was dumb, it was their only chance “here we go!” They ran as fast as they could, swinging across the sink hole and landing on the other side “that wasn’t so bad.” It seemed like a dead end, only with a Huggy Wuggy cardboard cut out, but they were able to find behind them another white door barricaded with colorful barrels.

Inside there was a key for the red door. Back to the starting place, Player opened up the red door and entered Elliot Ludwig’s office. There wasn’t much to do in there, so without much of a choice, Player tore down a poorly fastened ventilation grid and went inside the narrow space. There they got themselves inside a room with energy generators, it was clear they had to turn them on.

Just then, a box fell from a high place, the sound that caused when it crashed on the ground made Player jump in fear and quickly got their weapon ready to shoot. But got surprised when they saw the one behind the falling box, it was Poppy

“Oops! Sorry about this, I didn't mean to scare you.” Player lowered the gun seeing that she wasn't a threat.

“What are you doing up there?” They asked, Poppy was on top of a small cat walk.

“I was only trying to turn the power back on.” She revealed an outlet behind her, with that, Player was able to restore the energy back. “Uhm, I want to thank you for freeing me, I was trapped in there for so long. Now let’s go, there’s a train nearby, we need a code to access it.” The doll was entering a ventilation system

“Hey! I got some questions for you. What the hell happened here? Where 's everyone? Why was there a giant killing toy?!” Poppy was hesitant on answering those questions

“You will get those answers soon, but now, you need to help me so that I can help you. We'll meet back at the office.” Player sighed in annoyance but agreed anyway, entering back to the Same passage. Poppy entered the small ventilation system.

Back at Ludwig’s office, Player saw the doll peeking out of a small opening. “Hey, up here! I can see you~” She giggled, Player just rolled his eyes “I should be able to follow you through the fence, this way.”

Player was back at the intersection and went through the left path,where the closed gate was located. Two panels with a red and blue glowing handprint were now on, they used the Grab-Pack hands and unlocked the fence, the only obstacle on their way was a larger and seemingly bottomless hole.

“It’s bigger than I thought…” Player knew they had to swing across the pit to the other side, the problem is if they will be able to “let’s do this… I guess.” The Grab-Pack hand was tightly gripping the metal bar, Player ran towards the bottomless hole and jumped over it, swinging over the dark depths. But the hand was extended to its limit near the end of the jump, making it retract back to the Grab-Pack, thus making Player almost fall down the abyss. Luckily, they got to the other side, the landing was far from perfect, but at least they were alive “damn… i'm too old for this shit”

Player got up from the ground and continued down the path that led to another white door. Opening it up, they saw Poppy standing in front of a large hole and three big doors as well that were shut down.

“There you are!” Player approached the doll “are you going to answer my questions or what?”

“Listen… I know you are confused about all of this, but I need you to trust me-“ Poppy was cut when a pink arm stretched out of the pit and grabbed the doll, she screamed as the dark enveloped her.

“Shit!” Player looked down the dark abyss, the only way to get there is by… jumping “ohhh, the things that I do for my son.” With a deep breath, they jumped down the hole.

Their eyes were closed but soon opened when they landed on something smooth and made out of plastic, it was actually a slide. The slide brought them in front of another gate, *Game Station* was written on a sign in the shape of a little cartoon train resting right on top of the metal door. On the left there was a power station, Player promptly turned the energy back on and was able to open the gate.

There lay another hallway, in the end there was a passage locked by another metal gate, fortunately it could be opened by using the red hand on another handprint panel. But when the artificial hand was extended, something got in its way, grabbing onto the object and ripping it from the Grab-Pack.

“Oh Look! A new playmate!” The culprit, another giant toy, descended from above leaving the shadows and revealing themselves. It moved like a spider, they looked humanoid, their body was pink, hair as well, and their arms and legs stretched like bubblegum. Green eyes stared at you as the creature smiled.

Player grabbed their rifle and pointed at the creature, frantically backing away, but they didn’t get really far, since the gate was now closed again.

“Isn’t this exciting?” The creature laughed

“Where’s the doll!” Player shouted

“Miss Poppy? Well, Mommy heard that she would give the train code for you to escape. Now how is that fun?” She laughed “instead, let’s make a game out of it! The GameStation is still working, it will be just like old times.”

“I don’t like this, freak”

“If you win all three games, you will get the code. You are going to have so much fun! Head to Musical Memory and Mommy will get things started.” The creature slowly approached Player “Also. Obey the rules. Or I’ll tear you apart and eat your insides while still alive.” With a maniacal laugh, she scurried away into the shadows.

The closed gate started to open, leading Player to a gigantic room. The lights were turned on and it showed an area full of seesaws, slides and swings for the children. Player saw a cardboard cut out of the same creature that they encountered earlier, her name was written on it

“Mommy Long Legs?” The name was very interesting for Player “alright “Mommy” let’s see what you got.

.

.

.

(To be continued)

Chapter 0

Chapter 1

Chapter 2-1

[aimwigs]

little aimwig ficlet that possessed me like a demon when i was walking home from getting my dinner earlier ft an epic established relationship argument on the pod

---

“Hey, real quick, flower check,” Ludwig says with a smile, reaching across the fake campfire to pat Nick on the knee.

Aiden sinks down in his seat and lets his face fall into his hands. “No, dude.”

Nick thinks about it for a moment. “Month and a half ago. It was our anniversary.”

“Real flowers this time?” Slime prods, smiling like a fucking idiot.

Nick doesn’t bother answering, he just flips him off. The audio listeners will have to do without it.

Ludwig tsks. “Kind of a long time, man. You should really get on that more. Personally, I bought Aiden flowers last week. He had a bad day at the office and I thought I’d cheer him up.”

Aiden holds out a hand. “Now, hold on. Are we going to talk about why I had a bad day at the office or are we going to just skip over the fact that you scratched my fucking car on the gate?”

“Mmm, nope,” Ludwig says, looking upward thoughtfully as if he was actually somehow considering his point.

“So we’re counting apology flowers now?”

Slime winces and slaps Ludwig on the arm. “You’re pulling flower check over apology flowers.”

Ludwig holds up a hand. “Dude, you haven’t dated anyone in fucking months!”

“Well, I still know it’s cheap to do a flower check when the last time you bought flowers was because you wrecked Aiden’s fucking car.”

“I didn’t wreck his car! It’s a fucking scratch that I paid for.”

Nick shakes his head. “Messed up, dude. This is why I win the fucking flower check.”

“Wait!” Ludwig says, holding up a finger. “Flower checks aren’t about winners, they’re only about losers.” He turns to Aiden. “Your turn, babe. Flower check.”

Aiden turns toward the camera and hunches over a little to hide his face from them.

Slime’s jaw drops. “Oh my god.”

“Not once in our entire relationship has Aiden bought me flowers.” Ludwig is so fucking smug when he says it, smiling like he won the fucking lottery.

Aiden pinches the bridge of his nose and turns back toward him. “You don’t even like flowers!”

“Everyone likes flowers,” is Ludwig’s reply.

Nick points at him. “He’s kind of right. Everyone likes flowers.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Dude, when was the last time Zipper 2 bought you flowers? If everyone likes them so damn much shouldn’t your girlfriend be getting you flowers?”

“Well, I like flowers but I don’t really care about them.”

Aiden throws up his hands. “Neither does he!”

“Aiden,” Slime says, reaching over to slap at his leg and get his attention. “Aiden, listen. Ludwig clearly does care about flowers because otherwise, he wouldn’t have started this stupid argument that we’ve wasted ten goddamn minutes on.”

“He doesn’t fucking care about flowers! He cares about getting a fucking gold star for being a good boyfriend!”

Ludwig turns to him. “Well, do you think I’m a good boyfriend?”

“Go fuck yourself.” He rolls his eyes before ultimately relenting and adding, “Obviously I think you’re a good fucking boyfriend.”

He holds his hands out triumphantly. “That’s right, I’m a great fucking boyfriend. Something that none of you fucks can relate to.”

Aiden crosses his arms over his chest. “Oh, so you think I’m a bad boyfriend then?”

“Absolutely dogshit,” Ludwig laughs, slapping his shoulder. “You haven’t bought me flowers one fucking time.”

“Oh my god!” He sinks back down into his chair again. “What about all the other shit I’ve done for you?”

“Dude, literally name one thing.”

He falters for a second. “I don’t think you want me to talk about it on the pod.”

Nick snorts. “Bro…”

“Are you implying that your only value as a boyfriend is the fact that you fuck his tight little asshole like you’re a fucking stallion?”

His face somehow gets redder. At least this time Ludwig is red too. “I fucking hate you all. I’m a great fucking boyfriend. How many fucking times have I driven across the city for you because you forgot something? Or how about the fact I’ve planned like 90% of our dates? And even if Slime is clowning me, we both know that the sex totally fucking counts, by the way.”

“Does the sex count, Ludwig?” Nick asks.

He nods reluctantly. “Fine. The sex counts. He’s a giver.”

Aiden does a little dance in his seat. “I’m a giver. And a great fucking boyfriend. And you love me.”

Ludwig cranes his neck to look at Zipper. “How much time we got left?”

“Fuck you, dude.”

A sigh escapes Ludwig’s lips. “I love you,” he tells him softly.

“I fucking hate this podcast,” Slime says.

[doueverwonder]

Stuff About Nyo!Ame Bc Yeah

This is super random and also Ella is not to be confused with Abigail (who is in The Bookseller & The Florist and belongs to @rosethreeart) but is my own interpretation. Some of this is mushy, some of this is serious, some of it is just random preference rambles.

Her name is Charlotte-Ann Elizabeth, when she was little she commonly went by Lottie-Ann; but now usually goes but Ella, a shortening of her middle name.

England still calls her Lottie-Ann and when they're in stupid arguments Lottie-Ann Beth.

(stupid as in like,,, best way to make a pb&j)

Ngl I love the idea of her getting so sick and tired of condescending nicknames/dirty jokes made towards her she just started doing it back.

Speaking of; though I do like thinking about many nations being women instead of men, if I write America as a woman, England, France, Spain, Portugal, Russia, Germany, Denmark, and Sweden all have to stay men. It's required.

At some point during WW2 got up on a table and just straight up walked across it to get everyone to pay attention to her.

She's generally a Lot More Done(TM) than Alfred

Didn't fight in either of the world wars BUT did somehow shoot Ludwig twice, I will not elaborate.

pulled the disguising herself as a man getup for the first few years of the revolution until Gilbert accidentally outed her and all of Congress went "There you are!!!" and made her stop fighting.

François once made a "are you on your period?" joke and promptly almost got himself kicked out of NATO

Matthieu accepts that he won't be able to stop Alfred and hangs back until he gets a call from Al asking for help.

Matthieu accepts that he won't be able to stop Ella and goes running after her anyways bc he knows she won't call him for help.

Is slightly more Work Smarter Not Harder than Al

But will also throw all her brute strength at something without a second thought bc fuck it

Generally more involved with government over military, though again don't think she can't fight. She can and will fight you and win.

[headingalaxys-spicy]

Hi! Following the "demon! darling who is like a chaos lord" thread how about if she falls in love with a human and seeks to redeem herself by staying on earth? (Kind of like Discord with Fluttershy)....

I would like the separate reaction of Yandere!demon! Germany, Yandere!demon! Russia and Yandere!demon! America

Thank you so much, I really enjoy the way you write! 💓💓💓💓

Thank you Anon I’m glad you do! 🥹✨

Tw: Mentions of torture soooo yeah.

Let’s just be clear right now: Human is dead. And that shouldn’t surprise you, all of them torture the human you fell in love with. Also you picked three of the STRONGEST nations of the G8. You just wanted the worst odds.

🇺🇸 America 🇺🇸

Oh holy hell will he not like the fact that you choose a mere mortal over him……a MORTAL.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Y/N?”

He’ll sit on his throne with envy consuming his soul. Just like one taking a strong opioid he was already knee deep into his infatuation for you. And he wasn’t about to quit. He’ll disrupt whatever peaceful life that you’d already built with the human you’re in love with. He’s ruthless when he feels he’s been slighted. You having any demon besides him is a slight. Having a human as a lover is outright blasphemy for him. When he does find out that you have eyes for a human he will stalk you to see if the rumors that surround you are actually true. The moment he beholds you and your lover sharing in a passionate kiss, rage and envy saturate his veins. It takes all of his strength not to immediately run at them and rip out their heart.

On the same night that he witnessed your betrayal to all of Demon Kind your lover will be taken away hidden under the shadows of night. Never to be seen again. Not even the body will be recovered.

When it comes to torture his treatments are cruel and enduring.

Alfred crafted an entire room dedicated to the torture and inevitable killing of your lover.

He’ll start off with a classic torture method: Waterboarding. This is likely to continue for an hour as he shrieks about the humans' wrong doing for daring to be in love with a demon. He will also begin to use other torment methods utilizing all four elements with physical force. It’s not a pretty sight and they’re far below the crust of the earth. Screams begging for mercy will fall to ears who did not care to listen. Alfred will relish in the hellish scenario that he’s created.

Alfred covers his tracks well and makes sure that you never find out. He even goes so far as to erase his memories. So if he were to ever be grilled about it, he would be innocent in a sense.

Depressed you accept their permanent absence after many years of denial. However even with your acceptance , that doesn’t mean he gets his way with you. In fact it made it worse. Whenever you see him and he has tried to be overly touchy feely …. He gets a nasty curse on him that either Arthur has to help him with or he has to wait a week, month, or a few days for your magic to wear off.

So overall neither of you wins.

🇩🇪 Germany 🇩🇪

His disapproval is written all over his face. He practically has to will himself to not grind down his own pearly whites, in the midst of his anger. He sees nothing but red and wants your lover dead. However he is sneakier and less reactive, initially when he found out that your lover was a human.

‘That woman is ridiculous. A human. Verdammt! That makes me angry as hell! A chaos lord and a human. Ludicrous!’ His mind a buzz with thousands of objections over the romantic entanglement.

Your relation defined reason and logic in his mind.

He will spend a few days devising a plan to get you to come running to him. He must dispose of his obstacles. He enlists the help of Kiku and Feliciano. Ludwig intends on making sure your human lover feels the toxic cocktail of emotions he’s been feeling. Your lover will face acute agony, that Ludwig feels in his heart translated into physical pain. It will start with a ruthless flogging.

“DATING A Y/N IS NOT RIGHT! IT DEFIES ORDER!” As he allows his rage to be relieved by seeing the poor human’s face covered in scratches, tears, and mucus. The full 8-hour torture session ends with the obvious death of the human when they’re stabbed directly in the heart.

“Now, you know how I feel, you pathetic human. Now time for phase two: damage control.”

Damage control involved making a few deals with other shady humans who ultimately took responsibility for the killing of your lover. There was a cover story, finger prints, alibis, witnesses, etc. An entire conspiracy that covers up the real cause of death for your lover. You were told that a cult of sorts needed a sacrifice and they seemed to be the target. One thing led to the other and your beloved human was erased from the face of the earth forever.

Ludwig will be your rock…your stable shoulder to cry on during this time. All thanks to Feliciano’s ability to assist Ludwig in emotional manipulation, it's a sealed deal. You belong to Ludwig now thanks to the perfect execution of the scheme thanks to the help of the innovative Japanese demon and the Casanova like Italian demon.

🇷🇺 Russia 🇷🇺

While his face held onto a permanent smile it briefly shifted down when he caught a glimpse of you with your lover. He hated the sight of you with them and wandering the earth gleefully. The two of you found heaven like bliss.

God, did Ivan hate that. It made him want to gag and bash someone’s head in.

Ivan now had his new target.

Only dark chattering, satanic mantras, & wicked curses bounced around his head like hundred of rubber balls. This will carry on for a while before he finally decides to act on his envious feelings. While you were busy tormenting other mortals, demons, and angels for your own amusement he decided to act upon his darker intuitions. He caused a harsh winter storm to batter the town that your lover resided in.

Icy winds pummel your small town. Midnight had arrived. Snowfall was relentless and an alert had been sent out that no one was to leave their home. A blizzard. It took only an hour for the snow to pile up to 5 feet within the span of an hour. So everyone was locked inside by a wall of snow that would continue to get worse until the one he hated ceased to be.

In your humans attempt to keep warm while they had their generator going and were making themselves some hot chocolate. While their back was turned, poison was slipped in by Ivan. It was colorless and odorless so you nor the coroner that would be reviewing their body would be able to figure out the true cause of death. It made their muscles convulse and atrophy. A state of pure agony. Ivan simply watched in the shadows pleased with his heinous deed.

When you find your lover now dead, ice & grief consume your heart. The decimated town becomes your resting ground. You’d never be at ease. You now began to hide yourself because you hated Ivan's insistence that you should go with him.

‘The past is the past.’

‘They’re in a better place now.’

Anything that attempted to minimize the pain that you felt about the insignificant mortal.

After a while of this his minimization of how you feel will bother you more and more with each passing day. You hated his blatant disregard, for the only one you really ever loved.

This would be the start of a war between the two of you until one of you gives up.

[randomnameless]

In regards to what would happen to Edelgard if she lost her crests mid-war, i actually think she still stands a pretty decent chance of winning specifically on CF, if only because she'd still have Byleth on her side; an inhumanly strong, durable and fast commander (arguably even moreso than herself, Dimitri and Rhea, but that's a discussion for another post) that can also rewind time whenever things don't go the way they want it to makes a war significantly easier to win, even if she was forced to stay on the backlines from then on because she lost her durability and strength along with her crest.

She's pretty much fucked on every other route, given how she already lost her war on every non-CF route while getting massive benefits thanks to her crest; without it, she isn't making it out of her very first battle with Dimitri/Claude/Byleth alive lol

Ehh,

I'll disagree about Billy here, in the Houses verse they don't go "za warudo" and stop time, and aren't as durable as, say, Rhea herself, and I'd say on the strong and fast part, Dimitri has that covered.

I feel like Billy would waste all of their divine pulses uses trying to get near Rhea'n'Dimitri or even getting a strike in (where you actually wonder how they manage to win in CF, the plot said Rhea was late but even then, it's supposed to be a non fight, and that's not taking into account Sothis being a ok with Billy using her powers for, uh, this)

But yeah, that's another post lol

Without her twin crusts, I wonder if Thales doesn't ditch her earlier and unthaws Nemesis from the freezer.

Sure, he doesn't have the might of the Empire to back him up, but he can manipulate/brainwash Ludwig in Nopes, so why not doing it again to empower Nemesis and get rid of the pesky lizards once and for all ?

[alonso123]

So I wasn't able to watch raw live so I'm re watching it now. And here's my reaction:

Fuck off Logan Paul!!!!

Let's go Ludwig, let's fucking go!!!!! Woooow!!

The video package, I have no words to describe it other then there was a big contrast between the song used and the videos. But I liked it. Seemed more like a love story than a im gonna beat his ass and win

YESSS MAXXINE YESSS!!!!!!!!

Finn 🥺

Raquel!!!!! YESSSSS LETS GO BABY!!!! Woooooow!!

Yesss Shayna stand up for yourself, let's fucking go beat her up!!!!

Gunter wtf!! But yeahhhhh Chad vs Gunter

Lets go Shinskue!!!

CODYYYYYYY!!!!!! That damn shirt cody, you know exactly what your doing wearing that shirt. The slow stalking as well, damn he ready to fuck Brock, Brock fucking teasing him, prolonged eye contect, the shove, they ready to fuck.

But damn cody why you gotta run at him and get injured, baby pls stop this, yes it hurts you but it hurts me too, I don't like watching it 😭

Let's go Chad!!!! Salty ass Gunter 😒

Seth and sami!!! Yay!!

Becky let's go!!

Cody sighting again WOOOOOOOW!!! (I've been re watching a lot of old wwe and have now started saying wooooow constantly because of the nature boy 😑)

Come on Trish and Zoey, honestly 😑

Thank you Adam thank you, finally some good

Noooo Shayna don't cry, nooo

SAMMMMMIIIIIIII!!!!! LETS GOOOOO!!!!!!

Another cody sighting WOOOOOOOOOW!!!!

Honestly finn and rhea are pissing me off getting involved, I know it's a part of their characters but come on its getting repetitive and annoying 😑 😒 but let's go sami!! Let's go rollins!!! WOOOOOOOOOW!!!

I'm surprised finn gave Damien the case 😳 😅

Wooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Let's fucking go Sami!!!! Let's fucking go Seth

[guns-in-the-desert]

Germany NSFW A-Z

I’m super excited to post this, I worked hella hard, so here it is.

A= Aftercare

   He’s not the best at it, as being soft and comforting isn’t in his nature. It takes him a while to get good at it, and when he does, it’s super routine, almost robotic (let’s be honest, he made a checklist.). Step 1. Ask if  you're alright, Step 2. Wipe you down, and so on and so forth.

B= Body Part

  Not to be basic but, your boobs are hands down his favorite part of your body, he loves to squeeze them, even when y’all aren’t fucking, he’ll play with them without even realizing, bonus points if you have sensitive nipples. On him he really likes his arms, he likes how they look around your waist, and how easily he can pick you up.

C= Cum

  Ludwig is a Super neat person, so he likes a quick and easy clean up. He likes to nut inside you/a condom or in your mouth, not only does he think it’s hella hot, but also there's little to no mess, it’s 10/10 for him.

D= Dirty secret

  He would die before telling anyone this, but he steals your panties, not that you don't know, he’s quite bad at returning them, so you notice them missing. He really wants to stop, but he just thinks it’s so hot, and they remind him of the different times you've done it, for example: You wore that pink velvet thong the first time he tied you up. P.S they're not always clean when he takes them, at this point don’t even let him do laundry

E= Experience

  He’s not as experienced as you might think, he’s quite awkward actually. He’s done it a few times, but he still can’t can’t look at your bare body without blushing, watches HELLA porn though , but don’t expect him to admit it.

F= Favorite Position

  He absolutely LOVES fucking you against the wall, you would never know it, but he’s kind of a show off. This position shows off his strength (and his biceps), plus he gets to feel your tits against him, it’s a win win situation for him.

G= Goofy (is he more serious or goofy in bed)

 This man ain’t even goofy in day to day life, like, at all. Y’all know damn well he did not come to play any kind of games with you, I wish you would try and crack a joke while his dick is out.

H= Hair

  He's neat, he trims regularly, he's well maintained and well groomed, would never shave it completely off (he gets cold) because it makes him feel less manly

I= Intimacy

  He’s not goofy, also not very intimate, he’s quite aggressive, being gentle isn’t in his nature, not that he’s trying to be during sex, like italy said in the show “he’s like some sort of super sadist.”.

J= Jack off

  He jacks off, a lot, don't ask him though, he’d practically deny knowing what masturbating is, claims it’s “DISGUSTANG”, despite literally getting porn for christmas. You've caught him in compromising positions multiple times, still denies ever doing though.

K= Kink

  “He's like some sort of super sadist.” Italy said it best will literally rock your shit for the hell of it. Flogging, spit, bondage, the whole nine yards, know s, almost no limits, will he slap you across your face and call you a whore? Yes. Will he choke you until your face turns blue? Yes. Will he tie you with a vibrator and leave you for hours? Definitely. Will he make you walk on a leash and sleep in a dog bed? Absolutely. Can he look at your tits, without blushing? Of course not, what are you, fuckin crazy?

L= Location

  The bed, he does NOT want to even risk getting caught, he’d be WAY too embarrassed. He decided to get frisky in the living room once, and Gil walked in. He didn’t fuck you for a week and he didn’t talk to his brother for a month, partially because Gilbert’s and asshole and takes every oppurtunity he has to bully his younger brother, partially due to embarrassment. 

M= Motivation

  Almost everything, surprisingly, he’s actually a pretty horny dude, but if you really wanna get him going, beg, he loves to see you beg, you could also crawl around on the floor in low cut top, and skirt in front of him, but don’t be surprised if you get a collar the next day.

N= No

  Will not, and I mean NEVER ever even consider sharing you under any circumstances. He doesn't care how much you beg and plead. Why would you want somebody else with y’all is there something he’s doing wrong, ask him again, I dare you, you'll get your ass beat, I mean it, in the hottest way possible of course.

O= Oral

  Ludwig prefers receiving, and even though you’re doing the sucking, he’s doing the work. Really rough, so don't be surprised if cum is coming out of your nose by the end of it. When it comes to giving, my guy had a stiff ass tongue at first, like he licked your pussy mad hard, he figured it out eventually, thank god.

P= Pace

  Surprise surprise, he’s mad rough, but does find a pace and a rhythm quite quickly, which is a really good trait not many people have (I assume) it’s easy to get into, which is always pleasant. It goes very smoothly.

Q= Quickies 

  Not the biggest fan of quickies but he’ll do them nonetheless, they just aren’t his favorite, he’d pick it over masturbation, not that he does that of course, your always a better option with his hand.

R= Risk

  He takes risks in the sense that he likes to experiment with new toys, kinks, roleplays, etc. not with location though, he sticks to the bedroom and the shower exclusively, and he's even iffy about that.

S= Stamina

  This man spent a decent chunk of the show running, so he can and will go for hours. It's kind of insane. 

T= Toys

  Yes, of course, ropes, vibrators, flogs, you name it, he's got it, it’s as simple as that.

U= Unfair

  While foreplay lasts for quite a while, he isn’t much of a tease. With the exception of the occasional orgasm denial, he’s pretty straight to the point. He doesn't see a reason to drag things out when it’s not necessary. Like if you're  getting flogged, you're getting flogged, there's no if, ands, or buts, he doesn't have time for talking or teasing.

V= Volume

  He sucks at dirty talk, so he lets his actions do all the talking. Doesn't really make noise during sex, there’s the occasional grunt, but even thats rare

W= Wild Card

  So I mentioned before that you caught him in compromising positions in the past, the first time this happened was an absolute disaster. You had walked in to ask him what he wanted for dinner, he looked like a deer in headlights. You asked him what he was doing and his response was “I lost my turtle.” I don't know what part of him thought he would believe because; 1) He doesn't own a turtle, 2) he somehow lost it in his dick? So for this to make sense, he would have had to go and buy a turtle, have it near his penis for whatever reason, proceed to forget about said turtle, and after all that it still would explain how a turtle would fit into anyway, like I know you have foreskin, but, damn. So you ask him if he was masterbating, which obviously ended like this “NEIN, THAT’S DISGUSTING!” 

X= X-Ray

  Big dick,  more girthy than it is long, but it still has quite a bit of length, has the slightest curve, and a vein along the underside, he’s uncut. Wait till you see this man in grey sweatpants.

Y= Yearningh  In the top 10 for characters with the highest sex drive, He’s number seven on the list. Which says more about the people above him than it says about him, himself.

Z= ZZZ (How quickly does he fall asleep after?)

  Either he’s out immediately, or  he gets up and does work, there is ZERO in between with this man, I really don’t know what to tell y’all.

I really hope y’all enjoyed, I don’t have any WIPs as of right now. So, I write when I get ideas until I get more requests. See y’all in the next one. Bye for now

[hetaliatxtpostz]

Headcanons on these Emotionally Repressed Anime Men (Hetalia)

So, I think that a lot of the nations are (perhaps understandably) emotionally repressed. But! I have thoughts about how this is different for all of them. It falls into about four main categories:

Emotion as a weapon/weakness: This is for characters like America and Italy who I see as viewing emotion as they would playing cards. It's something that matters bc it can be used as a tool. Letting someone else know too much about you is as dangerous as you knowing about them. The reason characters like this hold back their emotions/lie about them is not expose any weaknesses to people. In this case, to maintain some control.

Emotion as failure/repression as defense: I think is for characters like Spain and England. In this case, their negative emotions are indicative of failure on their part, which plays against their pride. They can't admit they've failed so they refuse to feel the depths of their emotions in consequence of that failure. In the same token, opening up would mean coming to terms with things like that and, well, maybe they'd rather die.

Emotional numbness: I think of this as a more genuine emotionally repression, where you just get so good at crushing your emotions you eventually stop feeling them, and become numb. Or, it's hard to feel them fully again. Prime example would be Russia.

What the fuck Gilbert had going on: Okay, so this category I think of as being kind of unique to how I characterize Prussia. But I'm sure it could apply to others. So, here's the thing about Prussia, he doesn't believe in unearned emotions. If he wins, it must even out. If he loses, that's fine too. If he's suffering, he must have earned that suffering. He never thinks of himself as the victim; he's instead his own jailer. He doesn't open up to anyone bc he has no interest in anyone else trying to make him feel better if he feels bad. He resents sympathy and even kindness at times as it relates to him bc he's already his own judge, jury, and executioner. It isn't anyone else's problem. He doesn't expect the people who hurt him to apologize anymore than he expects the people who he hurt to forgive him.

**(I also think Ludwig, as a bonus, is like "emotional repression to impress my brother." And then you've also got like Matthew who's like "emotional repression bc I don't think I have any self worth and don't want to be a burden. So, maybe more than four categories, but still. I thought it was interesting to explore the nuances of what seems like a common personality trait in this fandom, lol.)

[mimiri22-6]

Let's do this. One last time.

Ducktales 2017. I didn't think I was ready for the end, but the finale was too perfect to be sad nor angry.

There's so much to say-too much to say...and I'm going to try my best to say all of it.

EVERYONE IS HERE!! ENDGAME WHO?! DUCKTALES!!!!!

Seeing Webby and Scrooge interactions now, after watching this once, is just-They're So Soft! AND everything is just-AH I love it. It's so weird, but when is the family tree not screwy(also, Webby=Scrooge's clone? Webby=female? Trans Scrooge=Cannon?! I think Fucking So!)

Aaaaaaannd that's all we get from Gladstone and Fethry. If there's one thing I wish was in this episode more it would be more cousin interactions and Daisy. Though, Daisy not being too into it makes sense. Loved what we got of her tho. At least we got a little bit of them this episode, it was already pretty character packed

Well...Launchpad is only half wrong.

Oh wow. Oh Wow, I love this dynamic between LP, Drake, and Fenton...ot4? because I refuse to leave Gandra out. I love how Drake doesn't know about Fenton and Gizmo while it seems like everyone else in the world does. Still, LP/Drake and Gandra/Fenton some of my faves. So good

OH YEAH! Even the other 2 Caballeros are here!!

And the last adventure STARTS

I find it Fantastic how Dewey and Launchpad will probably die thinking F.O.W.L used the last level of a videogame as their secret layer layout

*sigh* This is why I avoid previews and wish I was better at avoiding theories from after those previews. I would have been more surprised and probably would have enjoyed this ep even more if I had Nothing to expect. But the theories were right. Tho, I did not expect how (or should I say Who) Webby was cloned from...though also I was spoiled by that when I was looking for the ep. Some ass used "Scrooge is Webby's dad" as a video title. I didn't think it was real, but I was wrong.

Awwww. Don has such a soft spot for kids

I love Lena and her development.

...*sigh* ok. "you've already got sisters" with this line, I am obligated to drop the Webby/Lena ship. I'm sorry, but it's one of my many rules for being ok with a ship. If the characters Ever say, even just once as an afterthought, they see each other as siblings or something similar, I will see them as that. It's why I've never been ok and have been uncomfortable with Shiro/Keith since Keith saved Shiro from...his clones...huh. So, from now on, I'm going to be Very uncomfortable with anything Weblena...even though the thought of them in the future was cute

HOW does a show about building ottomans have plot???

I wasn't sure how to feel about the clones All throughout this

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUEY JUST FIRST NAMED BEAKLEY!!!!!

GOLDIE AND DAISY ARE ON THE BOARD!!! SCORE!!

Oooooh. That picture of Webby's parents...is fake. It's like some picture Beakley took off the internet.

I saw a post saying how Della had to convince Donald to go on one last adventure and how she had to watch him almost die, but she really Didn't. She helped him pack and she was ready to let Donald go on his adventure("but Daisy's my adventure" They are too damn cute for their own damn good. I love them. donsy for the win), but an actual Crisis came up and he had to stay. Donald nearly dying by void was not Della's fault and if I see any more posts about how she roped Donald into a death mission, I will go up a wall and break a neck on my way down

Man, it's weird hearing this and knowing that Webby's parents don't exist

Wow! Beakley just knocked out Scrooge! Damn!

Oooh! The girls are fighting

...Woah. I just realized, the blood and brain of Scrooge McDuck and the training of Bentina Beakley. Webby is even more of a beast than we knew.

IS THAT DEVELOPMENT I HEAR!!! YOU KEEP THOSE KIDS BEHIND? YOU LOSE!!! GOOD DAY SIR!

Pepper. Just Pepper. She seems like one of your parent's nice coworkers that brings you brownies and pinches your cheeks

"Look after your brother." YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I JUST WANNA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADRO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS OFICIALLY BOYD GEARLOSE NOW!! YEEEEE!!!!

I also really like that you can't tell which Gyro is telling that to

God, I Fucking Love the concept that is Manny. He's one of those things that if someone asked you about him outside of the fandom, you wouldn't even know where to start. It's absolutely FanFuckingTastic. He's the most magical thing in the universe? Fuck Yes, give that to me Now!

HE SPEAKS!!!!!!(I couldn't place his voice actor, but I when I looked him up I realized recognized him for Glossaryck from SVTFOE)

(Edit: Just found out that the scene with Manny was a Gargoyles ref. Nice!)

Once again, I love everything about LP, Drake, and Fenton

And then Lena Died

Aww, they both have such soft spots for children

LUDWIG VON DRAKE?!?!!!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

(that had to be a different font because really, what the fuck)

He really did just say he was too busy to die. This duck is too powerful

(I really just don't have too much to say between all of this. I just love all of it)

Woo! Louie with the motivation!

Pft-how both of them are singing? Love to see it...wait, we don't see Don Karnage after this...DID HE DIE IN THAT CRASH?! DID DEWEY COMMIT HIS FIRST MURDER?!

"Welcome home, April." I hate you.

Of course he dabs

"he was like this when we found him." Nice to know Gos knows what to do in the event that she kills someone

Oh that's horrendous. I hate that

"Now, let's get down to business." TO DEF[get's shot]

Why is Manny like actually the best?

God, Drake and LP really are two halves of a whole idiot huh? They're soulmates, your honor

"I. Am." "Not alone in this." That was so sweet, but also JUST TELL HIM!!

And now Glom is dead

Oh, that's a lot of mind control

"Even by our standards, this is a weird day." Couldn't say it better, Lena

"How do you think Della found out about the Spear of Selene?" OH, YOU MOTHERFU

"Oh, Bradford, how villainous." DAMN! HE REALLY DID JUST DO THAT, HUH?!

"MOOOM!" "NOOO!" OH NO, MY HEART! IT FUNCTIONS!

"Do you know how replaceable clones are?" Oh yeah, that's right. You're probably not the og Gyro

Man, we don't ever have Von Drake for long but I always love him

Those lights are really only there for dramatic effect, aren't they?

...Close enough.

Launchpad moment! Yeah!!!

HEY! I just noticed. While wearing the suit, Launchpad didn't crash...idk what to do with this info

The fine print is usually good to read...we people just don't do it apparently

"...your most trusted ally?" *picks Donald* Wow. That's right there with the feels ain't it

"it's not worth the risk." Fuck, I love them

Oh that sounds so weird. Scrooge has never been a dad, always Uncle. So Weird

And Gandra, Gyro, and Von Drake are dead. There is a Body Count this episode

"Donald Duck." "Uncle Scrooge." I SEE YOU! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! AND I LOVE IT!

Hehe. From Bitchford to bird brain.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ENDING SCENE IS THE BEST!

Beakley thinking she's no longer accepted? Nah, she was granny first and foremost

ANOTHER FENRA KISS?! DON'T MIND IF I DO!

DADRO AND GOSALYN AND DRAKE?! LOVING IT!

MORE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?! WOO!

DONALD IMMEDIATELY ADOPTING JUNE AND MAY?! ONLY THE BEST FROM HIM!!!!

PROTECTIVE SCROOGE?! YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING!

"We're smarter" "We're tougher" "We're sharper" And we'll earn our way square." AH-I'M GOING DOWN LIKE THE SUNCHASER, GUYS

AND THE END CREDITS WILL NEVER BE MATCHED!!!!!

I don't know what else to say.

This show was amazing from beginning to end. I may not have cried, but I didn't need to cry. It wasn't sad and there was nothing bittersweet about it. Just pure perfection, just like the rest of the show.

Perfectly Preen, not a fether out of place.

Goodnight Ducktales, you were perfect

[kangaroo-sniper-imagine]

Helping the mercs go to sleep

Demo

in short, act cute and tired. Tavish loves doing whatever you, you could suggest walking through a minefield blind folded and he’d do it cuz you smiled at him the right way

After you imply that there will be cuddling and once you actually get him into the bed it's pretty easy. Just wrap your arms around him and keep him in the bed and away from his explosives lab and he’ll fall asleep pretty easily.

His biggest problem is that he gets wrapped up in his work and forgets that sleeping is a thing; just getting him to settle down is enough to help send him off to dreamland

Soldier

Jane’s doing something dumb like trying to teach his infantry of raccoons a new trick or coming up with convoluted battle plans for the next match, and you’re just stewing with annoyance and exhaustion in the the military style made bed watching him across the room

Best way to get him tired is to talk about history. Literally any kind of history except American history or he’ll get excitable again. Talk about how sandwiches came to be or how England was almost Sexton

Homeboy LOVES you and WANTS to listen to you, and eventually the droning of your voice will be enough to knock him out. Drag his patriotic ass to bed and enjoy your slumbering heater for the remainder of the night

Spy

best way to get him to sleep is some ~vigorous activity~ *wink wink*

But if you want to take a more innocent route, guilt trip him. Get pouty, act sad, say he doesn’t love you enough to go to sleep and this man will be so fucking dramatic trying to win your affections back. Jacque loved being the center of your attention and hates the idea of you going to sleep upset with him

He’ll finish downing whatever drink he has and prematurely snuffing his cigarette and follows you back to the bedroom apologizing in French and makes a show of changing into his pajamas and sliding into bed to prove he does, in fact, love you enough to go to sleep

Sniper

the Aussie is in bed, with you, but staring at the ceiling with dismay. Mick has been a hit man for years and had trained himself to sleep with one eye open in case of any unwanted visitors who didn’t like his work. He lies in bed because he knows you love holding him when you sleep, but him actually falling asleep is a hassle

Sing to him! Pull an uno reverse card and become the big spoon, stroke his hair gently and start singing quiet lullabies and slow love ballads to help him fall asleep. Not only will he fucking adore you more than he already does, it helps soothes him and reminds him he’s in a safe place surrounded by friends and loved ones

This tactic will knock him out so fast and he gets such a deep sleep that when he wakes up he’s groggy and confused for a full hour before he wakes up completely

Medic

Ludwig knows, in theory, that sleep is essential, and the hypocrite encourages you to get a full eight hours while he only gets about 4 (on a good night)

Beat him at his own game. Remind him the health benefits of sleep and how a good night's rest will help him improve his work. Have cited sources and Archimedes backing you up with a fist full of drug free sleeping pills and a water at the ready. Ludwig may push the bounds of science but he cannot deny proven medical facts

He’ll thank you in the morning for getting him to go to sleep, but be prepared to do your routine of convincing again the next night because your doctor will need constant reminders

Scout

best way to get him to sleep is some ~vigorous activity~ *wink wink*

But for real, get him to burn his excess energy. Go for a run, jump on the bed, wrestle, wrestle naked, anything that's a physical activity. Trick him into doing it by triple-dog-daring him, tell him you can circle the base faster than he can. It’s going to be a nightly occurrence so I hope you like running

Jeremy won’t notice you trying to help him get to sleep but he does notice that you go out of your way to spend time with him and at the end of the day that what he likes best

Pyro

he actually sleeps pretty well, but on the occasion they have too much sugar right before bed and can't fall asleep, best thing you can do is just stay up with them

It’s not a normal occurrence and its better to be with someone until 1 am than to be by yourself

They’ll appreciate it and will go out of their way to help you the next time you can’t fall asleep either

Heavy

This man, who is extra large cuz he’s just filled with so much love, can’t sleep because of anxiety. He’s worrying about his sisters, his mother, you, the team, the next match, Sasha, every little thing that he doesn’t know about the future is making him worried and stay up all night

Do something familiar for him. He has a doctorate in Russian literature, start telling him your favorite fairy tales as you sit in his lap. Tell him every one you know, say your favorite things about them and why, go into depth about where you heard them and which version you think is better.

Mikhail loves hearing about your childhood and loves learning about the things you love. Forcing to take an academic mind to your stories helps him calm down and get sleepy

Engineer

Dell is already pretty fucking exhausted but damn it all if he doesn’t finish his latest project before he goes to sleep. 11 PhDs doesn’t make you invincible!

Do your thing and get ready for bed. Wait until you can see he’s about to fall over and then just nudge him towards the bed. Sure, he’ll kick up a fuss and insist that he need to finish up but as soon as he gets on the bed (because you pushed him onto the bed) he’s out like a light

His issue is that he goes against nature and tries to push through sleepiness, all you gotta do is get him away from the workbench. Easiest merc to get to sleep

- this was really cute to do!-

[fiveviktorklaus]

am I picturing the umbrella academy as a soulsborne-esque video game where all of the hargreeves have been “corrupted” and you have to defeat them to get them to return to their normal selves? yes. yes, I am. anyway, here’s how I’d see the fights going:

(putting this under a cut because - phew - I kind of got into detail with some of these! why can’t I design video games????) 

luther: tanky as hell. you have to fight him at range or he’ll just mow you down and toss you around like a ragdoll. his boss stage is inside of the academy and is tough because you’re fighting him in narrow corridors where it’s hard to create the space you need to fight him at range. he has a lot of health, so the key defeating him is patience, timing, and dodging so he hits the environment around you. it’s safe to say that the academy takes a lot of damage from it’s number one in this fight.

diego: fight takes place out in the city on a rooftop at night. unlike with luther, you don’t want to put too much distance between yourself and diego. he WILL win if you give him any opportunity to start sniping his knives at you. close ranged combat can also be tricky because he knows how to hold his own in hand to hand as well. you can try your hand at beating him fair and square, but ultimately this will be a gimmick fight that you can easily win by doing a side quest earlier in the game (back at the academy where you fight luther) where you are given the option to destroy grace. if you do, you can remove her head and throw it at diego during his boss stage. he will stop fighting and collapse in despair, giving you the opportunity to defeat him.

allison: fighting her is unique because - unlike with diego and luther - you will not be facing her directly. running straight up to allison is a TERRIBLE idea. she will rumor you. you will lose. every time. you don’t run right up to medusa and look her in the eye, do you? no! this stage will be more of a stealth mission than anything else. you will navigate your way through her arena (a movie set) and try to get the drop on her so that you can take her out. this can be particularly challenging as allison will have rumored several people to patrol and guard the area. don’t get caught!

klaus/ben: you’ll be fighting them, naturally, in a cemetery. and by ‘fighting them’, I mean that you’ll actually have to get through a full level of zombies and ghosts just to get anywhere near the two. once you finally reach klaus, the real fight begins! he will summon ben to defend him, which will make the fight incredibly, incredibly difficult. the trick to this fight will be wearing klaus out so that he has to take breaks in between summoning ben. it’s during those breaks that you jump in and attack, retreating to cover whenever ben appears again and tries to dismantle you with his tentacles. eventually you’ll win the fight and - when you do - klaus, now returned to his true self, will stumble off to find his other siblings.

five: want to fight an annoying boss? LOOK NO FURTHER. after finding a briefcase that teleports you to the commission (in which you will have to get through a level filled with agents and assassins), you’ll finally run into mr. five. this fight will be hard and you will probably die multiple times trying to beat him. the key to defeating five will be learning his patterns and timing because (a) he is quick (b) he hits hard and (c) he fights dirty. once you beat him (after, you know, crying your way through several deaths and respawns), you’re given the option to offer him a cup of coffee that you find earlier in the game while exploring. if you give him the coffee, he will gladly accept and will actually (hooray!) join you as an ally for the final boss.

vanya: welcome to the icarus theatre! are you ready to get your ass kicked? good! because this is where we find vanya all dressed up in her fancy suit! she (and the suit) look perfectly normal at the start. if you brought five along with you, he will engage as a distraction so you can attack whenever her back is turned. vanya will strike with sound waves and occasionally launch various objects at you. ouch. if you try to get too close, she will attempt to perform a grab attack that drains the life out of you if you get caught. this is almost always a one shot kill, so let’s avoid that! with some coordinated teamwork, you can and will take vanya down. while fighting vanya before, the music was sort of soft and eerie. as you approach her to check in after taking her down, you’ll notice that the boss health bar (which was just depleted) has suddenly refilled itself and vanya’s name on top of it has shifted to THE WHITE VIOLIN. a boss fight? with two stages? well, fuck. remember that eerie music before? it just shifted in volume and is exploding with sinister instrumentals (I like to imagine it being to something like ludwig, the holy blade). vanya, who is now transforming into glowstick mode and has upgraded her already edgy suit to Super Edgy White Suit, will wield her violin and will launch even larger sound waves at you that take up nearly the entire arena. sometimes she’ll fly up into the air and charge up particularly devastating sound wave attacks, only to slam into the ground towards you and unleash them in a circle around her. another attack? her bow. she can literally slice you in half with that thing, so it’s a good idea to avoid when she swipes it at you. the white violin is a very, very aggressive boss who rarely gives you space to breathe, so you’ll really have to take advantage of having five around for this part of the fight. this is the only fight in the game where playing it safe is punished, so be ready to strike hard and fast if you wanna take down the white violin!

the umbrella academy as a video game in general would be great. get on it, gerard!

[whaleofatjme1920]

Could I get a TF2 Matchup? Romance and NSFW. I came from the 1k follower celebration

I am a Bisexual and Demisexual female (Leaning more on the men side though) and a Leo (I dont know much about the rising and stuff like that). I have short hair and I like to wear comfortable clothes like oversized hoodies, sweaters and shorts. I am also a 5'5 and a half who lives in Asia. Philippines to be exact. So get ready for a woman to chase after you with a slipper.

I am usually a quiet person and quite standoffish against people. Though once you are in my inner circle, which isnt that hard, your cool. I can and will become your personal therapist. I care about your mental health.

People describe me as a piece of shit (In a funny way), smug and sarcastic asshole. Doesnt go well with my therapy-sessions Ill give you, huh? I can also throw your ass off with words and facts if someone started shit-talking about people close to me, but it does not mean I win every round, I will be feral though. Im quite overprotective.

I have a knack of learning about weapons. Again, Ill be bat-shit if you insult people close to me. I dont care what you call me. Under all this tough skin though? Pretty wholesome. Loves wholesome people which doesnt help that I have a resting bitch face.

Bribe me with food. Ill be happy.

I will show-off my partner, they deserve all the love.

NSFW under:

I kinda have something with soft-doms. I am definitely a switch. Edging and over-stimulation is kinda my jam, on both positions. I am on-board with toys and blindfold. Also consent is sexy as fuck.

Your matchup is... Medic!

[Disclaimer, if you're coming from the tags, this is part of a special event I am holding from November 17th to the 21st where I am accepting matchups from all fandoms I currently write for. Feel free to check out my 1K celebration masterlist here for rules during the window this event is open! If it's past the 21st midnight USA central time, do NOT send me a matchup. I will have to politely turn you down. Sorry </3]

NSFW below

In General

This was another one that had me going ??? I think Medic works,,,,, I think it was the weapons that did it??? Yeah. ANYWAYS

What He Likes About You

I think he really likes your short hair, and that your sense of style is pretty relaxed. It makes him feel relaxed. He likes that you care about his mental health as well, because lord knows he can't keep track of himself. Smug, sarcastic, he likes people he can banter with. You strike me as a kinda cutthroat, blunt person?? I think he'd really enjoy that. It's different than what he normally looks for, and Ludwig finds that hot. Ludwig knows a thing or two about weapons and likes that you're knowledgeable in that sphere. Makes conversations easier. Don't know if you've ever seen Mr and Mrs Smith? Feel like that's the two of you.

You Two as a Couple & NSFW

Alrighty, while Ludwig isn't going to dump all his problems on you, it's unediable that he finds a certain safety in you that makes it easer for him to actually talk about what's going on in his head. I think Ludwig likes that you're super wholesome under all that tough exterior. He's got some fronts up as well, and well, he gets it. Ludwig has a knack for cooking, German dishes being his specialty but he's always trying new things. He will cook for you <3 And PLEASE SHOW HIM OFF. Ludwig loves attention. Makes him feel so loved omfg. The two of you absolutely get into sarcastic verbal battles that end in the two of you giggling. He might,,, gift you weapons from time to time?? It just feels like a Ludwig thing to do. He doesn't really wear hoodies, but gives you his coats and stuff. I find that sweet.

Ludwig is.... He's a kinky mf. Please dom him from time to time. He likes losing control after a fight. Also, he's really, really good at edging. Like, will have you begging for him. Edge him and he becomes a bit of a whiny bitch but like it's hot so it's okay. He loves consent too, wants to talk about everything before hand and know what you're okay with and what your limits are. he never wants to cross any boundaries with you. Can absolutely soft dom you. He's like, really good at being a condescending dom??? So, y'know, have fun with him.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things

Hi love bug, here's your matchup!! Hope you enjoyed <3

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #584: Enter Bowsette! (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

Ganondorf: Uhh.....

Hades: (Starts Smirking) Well, Well, Well~

Dark Samus: ....................

Mewtwo: ..........................

Ridley: (Eyes and Mouth Widened as He Starts Blushing at a Woman in a Black Dress.....Who Almost Resembles a Certain Princess) !!!......

????: (Chuckles Evilly While Doing a Fashion Pose) Surprised to see me like this, boys?~

Ridley: Uhh. (Immediately Got Up From his Seat) E-Excuse me! Gentleman, I uh....I had to uh....go outside to uhh....do stuff. (Sprints Away Towards the Mansion Door)

Ganondorf: I'm sorry, but...do we know you? Are you like..... another one of Peach's cousins or something?

????: What? No. Guys, it's me: Bowser.

Mewtwo: (Raised an Eyebrow While Crossing his Arms) If you really are Bowser, then tell me: How many children you have and what's their name?

Bowser(?): You're kidding, right? I have eight kids! Their names are Junior, Larry, Morton Jr., Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, and Ludwig von Koopa!

Mewtwo: Hmm....I see....In that case, then tell me.... What is your thoughts on the Mushroom Kingdom's Hero, Mario and how a lot more often he has beaten you-

Bowser(?): ('Grrrrr') Fuck that Italian Plumber! Everytime I set my plans to action, he always had to fine some way around them! One of these days, I'm gonna rule that Mushroom Kingdom and beat stupid mustache loser...(Slams her (His) Fist on the Table) ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

'Silence'

Mewtwo: ('Sigh') I believe that answers our question, gentlemen. She is really Bowser as a woman.

Bowser: Well, duh! That's what I've been telling you for the longest. Why didn't you believe me sooner?

Mewtwo: Simple. I just didn't believe that a woman, who looks exactly like the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, or any other woman in that matter, would ever come over here and directly tell us that is she is you.

Bowser: (Shrugged) Eh. Fair point.

Ganondorf: Sooooooo......Bowser.....You mind telling us why you turned yourself into a woman in the first place?.....Or better yet how?

Bowser: Well, to answer your second question, Ganon....(Proudly Points at the Crowd He/She is Wearing on His/Her Head) I was able to have this bad boy with me!

Mewtwo: A crowd?

Bowser: Oh it's not just any crowd. This right here is a Super Crown! It allows whoever wears, turn into a literal princess.

Ganondorf: Interesting......

Dark Samus: .......................

Hades: (Chuckles Lightly) It's sounds a bit more kinky if you ask me.

Mewtwo: (Turns to Hades in a Bit of Annoyance and Disgust) Keep your disturbing fantasies to yourself, Hades.

Hades: Hey now. No need to get all fussy with yours truly, Mewwy boy. Just speaking the truth is all.

Mewtwo: (Grits his Teeth While Balling his Fist Up with Dark Magic at the God of the Underworld) Never call me that again, swine. In case you already forgotten, the only one has the privilege to call me that alone is Zelda.....

Hades: Oho! (Gives an Angry Mewtwo a Smug Look on his Face) You don't say?

Ganondorf: Calm yourselves, boys. This isn't really the time for antagonizing each other.

Bowser: Yeah! I still got a lot to tell you about this bad boy!

Hades: Why, certainly. I'll stop as long as Mewwy here calm himself down.

Mewtwo: (Starts Growling at Hades)

Bowser: Mewtwo. Don't make me get Zelda up in here.

Mewtwo: (Sighs in Defeat Before Going Back to his Previous Posture) Fine.

Bowser: Good. Now, as I was trying to say.....(Starts Grinning Evilly) I can totally use this to my advantage of winning for once!

Ganondorf: Oh really? If so, then have you come up with a plan to use it yet?

Bowser: Well, you see, I....uhh....uhhhh....('Sigh') Okay, so maybe I haven't come up with an actual plan yet.....

Hades: (Rolled his Eyes) Big surprise....

Bowser: But know this, fellas!! Once I come up with one, not only will I finally beat that stupid plumber in own game, but me, my kids, and my subjects finally reign supreme, or my name now will not be QUEEN BOWSETT-

?????: Bowser!!

Bowser: (Turns Around to See Peach Glaring at Him/Her) Oh! Uhh. Peach! (Chuckles Awkwardly) Hey! How's it going?! I-I was just.....you know.... walking around.... Hanging out with the fellas and what not.

Peach: (Points at the Super Crown on Bowser's Head)

Bowser: O-Oh! You're uh... wondering why I got this silly looking crown on my head, huh? (Chuckles Awkwardly Some More) Funny story really. You see, I-

Peach: Gimme back the crown, Bowser.

Bowser: B-But-

Peach: (Shushed Bowser to Stop Talking) Give it to me...... Now.

With a groan of defeat, Bowser (or Bowsette) finally takes the Super Crown of his head, instantly turning him back to the King Koopa he always was.

Bowser: (Gives Peach the Super Crown Back) Here.

Peach: Honestly. How many times do I have to tell you not to steal this from me and try using it for your schemes?

Hades: Wait. (Starts Chuckling) You mean to tell me this isn't the first time Koopa boy over here try to steal that crown of yours?

Peach: ('Sigh') Unfortunately..... He's been trying to steal it from me non-stop ever since I first brought it here. It's already starting to get way out of hand.

Ganondorf: Now that you mentioned it, why did you have it here in the first place?

Peach: No real reason really. I just thought it look adorable. I didn't know it had that much power in it. But since a certain King Koopa....(Glares Back at Bowser) had to go and steal for the millionth time, I guess it's for the best to put it back from where it came from.... Wherever that is. Until then, I don't want any of you to try and lay a finger on this crown. Do understand me?

Ganondorf: (Shrugged) Eh. Sure.

Hades: Whatever you say, princess.

Mewtwo: I wasn't even interested in it to begin with.....

Dark Samus: (Simply Nodded) ..............................

Bowser: (Groans While Tapping his Claws on The Table and Looking Away)

Peach: Bowser..... (Pinches Bowser's Cheek) I want you to promise me!

Bowser: (Winches in Pain) Alright! Alright! Fine! I promise I won't mess with it anymore! You have my word!

Peach: (Sighs as She Finally Let Go of Bowser's Cheek) Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go out and buy another safe. Maybe some protective security to go with it..... (Walks Away While Calling Out For Someone) Mario!Will you go shopping with me please?!~

Bowser: Well...... That's another golden opportunity thrown out the window.

Ganondorf: I'm sure you'll think of another plan to claim victory soon enough. No need to rush with one now.

Bowser: ('Sigh') Whatever......

Ridley: (Rushes Back to the Table with Bouquet of Roses While Wearing a Tuxedo) I'm back, mila- Wait. Guys, where the woman with the black dress go? D-Did she already left home or something?

Bowser: (Whispers to Hades) You guys wanna tell me or should I?

Hades: Nah. Let's not anything. (Starts Smirking Evilly) I honestly wanna see how this stupidity plays out.

Ridley: Guys, seriously, where the fuck she is?!

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@italian-love-cake

@26shann

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@gengar-sans

@chompycroc

[drowning-in-dennor]

Answers

The gang's all here to answer your burning questions! Whether it’s the Oxenstiernas or the Wangs, or your favourite couples, they’re ready to face whatever inquiries you might have! [Written to celebrate two hundred and fifty followers.]

Question One: Literally anything about Bogden please uwu

Bogden: ...this isn’t really a question.

[Aleksander claps Bogden on the shoulder.]

Aleksander: Oh, whatever, just be glad we’re getting attention!

Bogden: Well, okay, but this is pretty weird. I mean, do they want to hear about my personal life, or my relationships, or -

[Aleksander muffles Bogden’s mouth with his hand.]

Aleksander: HIS MIDDLE NAME IS BORIS AND HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE THIRD OF MARCH ALSO HE REALLY LIKES YOGHURT AND HE REALLY LIKES ROSES AND ROSE-FLAVOURED STUFF OH AND HE HAS A PET BUNNY, IS THAT ENOUGH INFO?

Question Two: So what does the butter boy love doing the most with Henrik?

Stellan: I assume I’m ‘the butter boy’.

Henrik, sarcastically: Oh, no, I’m sure it’s Harald, or anyone but the one who stress-baked six hundred butter cookies after a final one day and mailed them to every person in the city!

[Stellan kicks Henrik under the table.]

Stellan: Well, to answer your question, I just love it when we cuddle while watching the sunset. We’re usually sitting outside, in this rocking swing we have in our front yard, watching the sky get painted all these pretty colours. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world to be able to see something so lovely with the person you care for the most.

[Henrik turns red.]

Henrik: Y-Yeah, those are really happy times. Holy fuck, I love you so much.

Question Three: What does Berwald like doing with Henrik?

Berwald: Fighting.

Henrik: Sometimes we just crack open a beer and talk about our husbands because we’re both awesomely lucky men. Then Stell has to pick me up the next morning while I’m hungover.

Berwald: Or we design some furniture together.

Henrik: We used to assemble IKEA stuff together until that time I screwed the legs of a chair on wrong and accidentally created a monster.

Question Four: Harald, how do you feel about Henrik and Stellan’s relationship?

Harald: When they got together all those years ago, I was too young to remember much, but when I got older and they got sappier, it was pretty annoying. Like, I’d be having breakfast, and they’d be across the table cuddling or something.

Stellan: Were we that bad?

[Harald crosses his arms.]

Harald: Yes, you were that bad. When you started high school it got even more annoying, because you two would be fucking like rabbits while poor me was right next door.

Henrik: Oh, yeah! We were pretty loud, huh?

Harald: Now, though, they have their own house, so I don’t really care. I get a cool brother-in-law, and Stell has a husband. Works out for both of us.

Question Five, from @kyrakira: What wouwd Stewwan wike mowwe? a pwug ow a couch owo?

[Stellan falls off his chair.]

[Henrik slams his fist on the table and bursts into laughter.]

Stellan, climbing back onto his chair: First of all, I hate how I understand what you’re saying. Second of all, I’d say the plug.

Henrik: HOLY -

Stellan: Fucking a piece of furniture is not as pleasant as it sounds, kids. Don’t try it at home.

Question Six: To Agata: sweet mother, I cannot focus; slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl, how not die?

Agata: Nothing you can do about it. You will look at your pretty girl, and you will have an internal heart attack.

[Tille giggles.]

Agata: You know how I met Tille? I was riding my bike, I saw her. She was pretty. I hit her with my bike.

Tille: You cried, you big kitty cat.

Agata: Yes, I cried. I was overwhelmed by your beauty.

Tille: Aww.

Agata: So, you see a pretty girl, you’re helpless to her charms. Too bad. I can’t help.

Question Seven: How close and warm are y'all nordicks? óuò

Henrik: ...I assume that means us?

[Harald cringes.]

Harald: What the hell is that cursed emoji?

Berwald: You mean emoticon.

Harald: Whatever.

Tino: To answer your question, we go over to each others’ houses for dinner every Friday! Sometimes we do it with Leon’s family, too.

Henrik: It’s really awesome! But when Stellan gets a little too competitive with Vicente, things can get, er, messy.

[Stellan throws up his hands.]

Stellan: The egg tart situation was one time, Henrik! ONE TIME!

Question Eight: To any of you, when was the last time you cried in front of a lot of people? 

Antonio: Gilbert made a face at me in the middle of a presentation, and I laughed so hard I cried.

Ludwig: Pochi...

[Ludwig buries his face in his hands.]

Ludwig: Pochi just tottered up to me and jumped in my lap. It was adorable.

Kiku: Then I cried because Pochi betrayed me for him.

Feliciano: Then I cried because Tama scratched me. I still have the scar.

Question Nine: Harald, out of everyone in your family, who's death would you find most disturbing and why?

[Harald’s eyes widen.]

Harald: Why would you ask something like that? What on earth is wrong with you? Any of their deaths would be disturbing, by the way. I don’t think I could ever bear to see any of them die before me.

[He sniffles and reaches in his pocket for a tissue.]

[Henrik jumps, scowling darkly.]

Henrik: Okay, who made Harald cry?

Harald: Wait —

[Stellan joins Henrik and raises a fist.]

Stellan: They’ll have hell to pay for this.

Harald: ...I love you guys.

Question Ten: Henrik and Stellan, how are your relationships with your parents?

Henrik: Oh, we get along just fine! They were a little shocked when I brought Stellan home for the first time, but not any more. 

Stellan: Between Henrik and Leon, mine have, well, resigned themselves to the fact that they most likely will not have biological grandchildren.

Henrik: We’re not sure if we’re gonna adopt just yet, but if we do, I’m sure our folks would be thrilled!

Question Eleven: To Al, Matt, Arthur, Francis, Ivan and Yao, what are your favorite memories about school?

Yao: Well, it has to be every prize-presentation ceremony at the end of each year. I went on stage every time!

Alfred: Yo, stop flexing, we know you’re a genius already.

[Arthur smiles, clearly lost in his memories.]

Arthur: My time at the school’s literature club was truly unforgettable. I was the president, if you must know, and I finally got an excuse to hide in the library all the time and read.

[Francis laughs.]

Francis: Ah, surely I thought your dearest memory would be of that one time you thought you were carrying around a copy of Pride and Prejudice, but was in reality holding a very saucy volume of Victorian er —

Arthur: HEY, ALFRED! You never told us about your favourite memory!

[Alfred jumps, accidentally smacking Yao on the shoulder. Yao gives him a withering glare.]

Alfred: Oh, yeah. It’s got to be when the soccer team won the last game of the semester, in my senior year! Dang, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

Matthew: And speaking of competitions, when I got first place in the school’s public speaking competition in grade seven, I completely lost it.

Alfred: You screamed, then hugged me so tightly I saw spots afterwards.

Matthew: I’ll never forget how it felt to win something for the first time.

Francis: My time with Yao in our school’s cooking club was magnificent. Yao, my friend, do you remember the mooncake project?

[Yao perks up.]

Yao: Yes, when we experimented to see how to make mooncakes less oily? That was fun. I still use that recipe to make mooncakes now. 

Matthew: Hey Ivan, you haven’t talked yet. What’s your favourite memory?

Ivan: My favourite memory? Let me think, now...

[Ivan taps his chin.]

Ivan: Meeting you all at the very start of the year, that was amazing.

Alfred: Oh, you big teddy bear!

Arthur: We love you too.

[The six of them collapse in a group hug. The sound of chairs falling fills the room.]

Question Twelve: Out of everyone, who was a dropout and who finished college?

Alfred: I, uh, never went to college. Just decided to go “fuck the system” and started a food cart that I still wheel around the States. If you wanna see me, look for Stars and Stripes!

Matthew: Like Francis, I survived culinary school, but unlike Francis, I only got a degree in the pastry arts.

[Francis rubs his temples.]

Francis: None of you have ever experienced pain until you’ve been through egg day. Nine hundred eggs, all gone to waste because the Chef thought they were bad!

Arthur: I got my degree in English literature at Oxford, and to this day I’m still surprised that I managed to get in.

Yao: I have a degree in medicine, but it’s pretty useless since I run my diner now. By the way, check out Wang’s if you have the time!

[Ivan rubs the back of his head sheepishly.]

Ivan: I got arrested in the middle of college. Now, I just help my sister run her store!

Feliciano: Kiku and I both went to art school! I went to culinary school with Francis after that, though.

Kiku: My student loans haunt me to this day.

Ludwig: It surprises a lot of people, but I dropped out of college while Gilbert’s the one with the degree. 

Henrik: I went to a super-obscure course, namely the textile arts. Most people don’t even know it’s a degree!

Stellan: I got a degree in creative writing at John Hopkins in the US.

Berwald: Went to trade school.

Tino: I don’t really remember much about college. I just remember a lot of coffee, screaming and complaining.

Question Thirteen: What do you love most about yourself, Henrik, Berwald and Stellan? uwu

Stellan: The next person to use “uwu” will have their spleens removed.

Berwald: Very threatening.

Henrik: Well, what I wuv mowost abowouwut mwysewelf is howow I’m able to awways pwiss owoff my bowoyfewnd!

Berwald: What.

[Stellan gets up.]

Stellan: I love you, but say “uwu” again and you’re sleeping on the couch.

Henrik: Why, uwu?

Stellan: OH, THAT’S IT —

[Henrik flees from Stellan.]

Berwald: I love that I married a sane person.

Question Fourteen: Why do you like your best friend, Tino? 3:

Tino: Oh you mean Ed? Well, we’ve been friends since forever, first of all, and we’ve stuck together no matter what! He’s helped me with homework and bullies and all that stuff since we were kids, and I’ve done the same. Best of all, he encouraged me to ask Berwald out, and thanks to him I now have an awesome husband!

[Nearby, Eduard is sobbing.]

Eduard: I love you too!

Question Fifteen: If a=b, multiply by a to get a²=ab, subtract b² to get a²-b²=ab-b², factor them (a+b)(a-b)=b(a-b), cancel a-b, and since a=b the equation is now 2b=b or 2=1; why does math exist? @the Wangs

Leon: ...what?

Vicente: I think I lost half my brain cells just by reading that.

Ling: This is bringing back trauma from school, and that question doesn’t even make sense.

Yao: I’m too old for this crap.

Leon: But to answer your question, math exists because once upon a time some asshole decided to invent numbers and make our lives difficult.

Ling: Seconded.

Vicente: Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to make dinner.

Question Sixteen: Stellan, what's the most difficult decision you've had to make to see your dreams come true?

Stellan: Ohhh, that’s a hard one. I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices to become the person I am today. But if I had to pick, it’d be picking John Hopkins over Oslo Uni, and leaving Harald and Henrik behind. It was worth it, though, since now I’m happy and successful and I can’t have asked for more.

Harald: Aww, I love you too, you bastard.

Question Seventeen: Which family does Peter belong to?

Arthur: He lives with the Oxenstiernas, which is fine with both of us.

Tino: Artie couldn’t handle Peter after his parents passed, so it started out with Ber just babysitting him. But after the two of us got married, Arthur decided to put Peter up for adoption so he could become our son!

Niklas: It was a great decision.

Berwald: What?

Niklas: I mean, it was a terrible decision because now I’m stuck with an awesome — er, annoying — brother for the rest of my life.

Question Eighteen: What do you think is the best thing about your personality, Berwald?

Berwald: Uh...

[He stares off into the distance.]

Berwald: Uhhh...

Tino: Well, I love how everyone’s so intimidated by you, but you’re so snuggly and sweet in reality! 

[Berwald appears to stop breathing.]

Berwald: Thanks.

Question Nineteen: To Alfred, Gilbert and Henrik: what’s the dumbest yet smartest thing you’ve ever done?

Alfred: Dang, that’s a hard one. I’d say the time we threw a dictionary out of the car window, just because.

Gilbert: No, the time we put a block of frozen maple syrup into Matt’s showerhead. But then we got yelled at, so maybe not.

Henrik: How about when we tried to brûlée salt and set off the fire alarm?

[The three of them consider.]

Gilbert: Yoo, what about the frying pan thing?

Henrik: Oh, riiiiight, the frying pan thing!

Alfred: So basically, we put a frying pan on the heart for too long and it melted. Then it turned out that the frying pan was made with unsafe material! That’s kinda smart, I guess.

Question Twenty: Which one of you (anyone ig) has a choking fetish?

[The entire room erupts into chaos.]

Harald: OH MY GOODNESS!

Leon: Who the hell asked this!?

Alfred: You know what? Y’all need Jesus.

[Someone hits the camera and it switches off.]

...

A/N: Yes I know I’m very unfunny but I hope this was at least the tiniest bit fun to read