#Fucking hated learning it
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“I don't really need friends. You’re the only person i need in my life. Is that weird? I guess i'm not like most people.”
STARDEW VALLEY
Plot: Squinted smoking (It’s Sebastian), Sam angst, someone’s mom Mona, referring to reader as ‘Farmer’, and ‘Overalls’, Sam and Farmer were together, toxicity after divorce, asshole Sebastian and Farmer
Pairing: Sebastian x reader - Sam x reader
(???)
The maple tree taps on Sebastian’s back. Juniper bark creating a ticklish sensation through the baggy, black hoodie he can’t seem to get rid of.
Sam’s there, too. There’s not enough space on the old wood for the blond to press the full of his back onto, but that’s alright. He’s fine with standing beside his “best friend.” He’s fine with the silent conversation occurring.
He’s been fine with the distance.
That’s what “best friends” do. Sam can’t blame Sebastian for his MIA status, as of late. Though, they don’t talk like they used to, even Sam knows his “best friend” is too busy making babies to play chronicle games. There’s an occasional love tap during pool on late Fridays at the Saloon, but it always ends with Sam losing a ten-dollar bet, and a part of his pride.
His best friend, too. “Losing” him to the night - watching as the lanky back disappears down the path only a family member is allowed to pass through that late.
Then, it starts over again. Most Fridays, there’s an excuse. “Sorry, dude,” Sebastian would wince. There’s always a certain glint in his expression - mocking the halfhearted apology for what it’s worth. Which is little.
Sam can’t blame Sebastian’s glance towards the overalled form, who is usually chasing time and energy around town. Sebastian’s eyes tender in a way Sam can only describe as love. And Sam would know love.
Sebastian has a family - Sam knows. He’s reminded of it every time he sees the plum-haired baby in the frog onesie strapped to the married man’s chest. It’s the only occasion in which Sebastian ditches the hideout-sweater. Something about the barely-toddler pulling on the dull strings, ‘Trying to choke daddy.’
Sam can see the same look in Sebastian’s eyes now, on the maple tree. The one given every time the secondborn spills chocolate milk all over his tee.
Sebastian can’t even keep his eyes on the river ahead, before his gaze is instinctively drawn to the sound of metal on overall straps clinking together subtly, over the town track. The farmer always seems to be on the move. It’s what leads Sebastian to moments like this - which only last an hour. Which feels like ten seconds on the steps outside of Sam’s house, next to the bushed graves where Abigail’s old mona lies.
Time seems to go by faster than normal, here. Sebastian would know - and Sam can’t blame him for getting hit by cupid. That would be hypocritical. Sam remembers the adoring gaze because he would usually be the one wearing it. It’s hard to ignore the sound of overalls ringing when the heart still lies on the crop field.
He should blame Sebastian - but he doesn’t. They’re “best friends.” Even when Sebastian’s time is too occupied with wrangling real frogs and frog-costumed babies. He’s a loner - Sam knows. No doubt enjoying the rain that’s been passing through Stardew Valley these past few days. The farmer’s porch has a great view of the town during sunset. Sam would know.
He doesn’t shame Sebastian for leaning against the maple tree on this Monday. One hour, which feels like ten seconds before the hooded boy moves. It’s not accompanied by a harsh stomp in the mud where sebastian ashes his cigarette, though. It’s one of the many things the farmer has done for this town.
Just sincerity, and an almost longing gaze. “Later, Sam.” ��Later’ is until the next festival. And even then, Sebastian is too busy holding the mini raven-haired baby while his spouse goes out onto the misty ice to win both of them the trophy for surpassing five slimy fish. Beating Willy.
Then, they go home, where Sebastian kisses his family goodnight, and in the morning, he comments on his partner’s rest. Flustering out that the late-night dream mumbling was cute. The farmer leaves and Sebastian stays. ‘Maybe that’s what he sees in Overalls,’ Sam wonders. Sebastian has never liked being forced into small talk. Into going out - venturing.
The farmer doesn’t seem to mind.
They fit. Unlike the tripod. Unlike Sam and Overalls.
Inspired by this frame on ‘Mal’s Sebastian expansion’
(I think. I have way too many mods)
Masterlist
#Learned Sebastian had green eyes while writing this#Fucking hated learning it#Frog onesie canon#Sebastian SDV#Sebastian x Reader#SDV#Stardew Valley#Sam x Reader SDV#Sam x Reader#Sebastian x Reader SDV#Angst#Stardew Valley angst#SDV angst#x reader#x reader angst
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The realest part of the Barbie Movie was when Barbie was like "okay but what if this hurts his feelings? what if this makes him sad? :(" after Ken stole her house, stole her car, and stole her agency, because as a woman you still have to second guess everything you do on the assessment of whether it might hurt a man's feelings.
And then that apprehension was proven right one million times over by the entire Conservative Internet Manosphere pissing and shitting and screaming themselves hoarse over Barbie daring to hurt a man's feelings.
#barbie#barbie movie#also if the genders were reversed and Ken's character was a woman everyone would fucking _hate_ her im just saying#'petty bratty bitchy girlfriend wants to steal everything her boyfriend owns because she learned about feminism'#everyone would HATE her#but because Ken's a man everyones pissing frothing review is about how shittily he was treated and how shitty the men are treated blah blah#(I fucking loved Ken in the movie but I'm saying this with confidence: Everyone would hate female!Ken if this was reversed)
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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.
and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.
...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.
see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.
while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.
especially if the president of the united states is on board.
yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.
and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."
but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.
...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.
not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.
yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.
but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire
#kai rambles#so like#i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like#i dont really care for warships#i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them#apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod#or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter#like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED#but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water#william d porter#uss william d porter#ww2#world war 2#world war ii#warships#again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny#uss iowa#fdr#franklin d. roosevelt#this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck#shipposting
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throws these up too i guess
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#chilchuck tims#laichil#chilaios#hate these guys#also suddenly went thru the pro cess of learning how to fucking draw laios' hair o h ymgodf
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sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad
#bonnie my beloved perceptive no filter bonnie my fucking beloved#divorce ass fucking ship dynamic. you are upsetting the fucking children.#isat spoilers#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#lucabyteart#sifloop#YES THIS GOES IN THE SHIP TAG. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE#anyway i have a lot of thoughts on loop and bonnie as im sure does everyone. both before and after they learn who they are#i think a lot about how loop has several lines gently reassuring siffrin that bonnie never actually hated them. they've had time to reflect#and while theyve not healthily come to terms with much... they seem to actually have come to understand that one... and yet...#they aren't siffrin anymore now are they?#anyway im off on my travels for the next 2 weeks ! my wips shall stay that way for a while! yes this is a fucked one to leave u with!!!#byeeeee !!! ill be back !!!!#sorry to the claude wip for being stuck in purgatory for like over a month im usually not like this <3#abuse tw#as requested
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Grass is green, water is wet, and Jonathan Byers does not like Steve Harrington.
These are known facts in the universe.
Computers were going to take over the world, a “mobile” phone was being invented, and Steve Harrington had lost most of his hearing.
These were unknown facts--rumors even, if you will. Eddie had never seen even a grain of truth to support any of them.
(Well, maybe the computer thing, but only because Grant and Dustin both had made a couple of convincing arguments.)
So he doesn’t think about it, when his freshman gang up on him.
Doesn’t even factor the “can’t hear well” thing in, when he was tasked (demanded, whined, bitched and moaned at) with helping them explain to Steve why going to the release party of the new D&D box set, located at a hobby store only a mere 2 hour drive away, was important.
Eddie’s not even sure how the little shits got him to agree to do it until he’s standing in the parking lot in front of the former King himself.
“The store’s leading up to the release with a handful of one-shots.” He’s explaining, unsure whether to pull out the bored act or play up his court jester persona, and thus mixing and matching on the fly.
He does not care if Harrington doesn’t know what a one-shot is.
“They’re releasing the set at midnight. You have to be there to get it though, you can’t have someone else pick it up for you because they only got a certain amount in.”
Harrington’s frowning (no surprise) but it’s not until Eddie is well into his spiel about how his van is already full with the elder members of Hellfire, and thus has no room for the freshmen, that he realizes Steve isn’t quite looking at him.
Is in fact, looking over his shoulder.
Eddie stops. Follows Harrington’s gaze.
Parked across from Steve’s Beemer, is Jonathan Byer’s barely working clunker car.
A handful of steps in front of it, and thus nearly right behind Eddie, is the man himself.
His hands are still moving, mouth shaping words silent as he goes, his gaze locked not on Eddie or the kids--but on Steve.
Who turns back around as Harrington’s eyes slide right back to him.
“And this is taking place next Friday?” He says, in that sort of annoyed but resigned way parents aim at their children. “After school?”
“I’d like to go during school, but the freshmen insist you wouldn’t let them ditch out.” Eddie tells him. “They had two separate arguments about it.”
Loud ones, that had interrupted the game and given Eddie a migraine.
Once again Steve’s eyes slide away from him, to Jonathan.
“They’re not skipping school.” He says suddenly, a glare forming and Jonathan makes an annoyed noise.
“They argued about skipping, they’re not going to.” He says aloud, and finally steps up so that he’s next to Eddie instead of behind him.
“Munson slow down, I can’t sign as fast as you’re talking.” He adds, in the hang-dog grumble he’s notorious for.
Eddie stares at him.
“Can he seriously not hear me?”
“No.” Steve and Jonathan answer together.
“I can kind of still hear,” Steve adds, gaze returning to Eddie’s face. “But its more loud music or noises. I can lip read, but you’re also talking too fast for that.”
Without pausing, he turns back to Jonathan and says; “Why can’t you take them?”
“It’s Friday.” Byers deadpans.
Eddie’s not an expert on sign language, but his hands somehow looked deadpan too.
He’s not sure how Jonathan did that.
“So?” Steve snarks back.
What follows is an argument that Eddie is not, at all involved in, mostly because he’s too busy handling the fact that Jonathan Byers has learned sign language, for Steve Harrington, apparently, and given the tone the argument is taking they still don’t even like each other.
Eventually the argument ends, Steve throwing his hands in the air and demanding that Jonathan owes him.
(Eventually Eddie will corner the ever so quiet Will Byers and ask why the hell his brother learned sign language for someone he clearly fucking hates.
“Oh they don’t hate each other.” Baby Byers would say, in that shy, quiet way of his. “I think they’re actually friends now?”
“You think?”
“Well--you’ve seen them.” Will shrugs. “I think being mean to each other is kinda their thing.”
‘What the hell.’ Eddie would think, right up until he stumbled across one of the kids sign language books.
Byers the Elder, he decides, isn’t the only person who should learn sign language to chew out Harrington properly.
The pay off is immediate.
Or at least, the pay off of watching Steve’s shocked face the first time Eddie signs something vulgar at him is, anyway.)
#you can read this as#stonathan#or as#steddie#or as all three idc LOL#steven harrington#eddie munson#jonathan byers#I am once again back on my shit of Jonathan and Steve having THEE most antagonistic friendship#just constantly slinging insults and being low key mean to each other#and then Jonathan just casually signing the same way the party does to help Steve out once his hearing really starts to go#very much#“Youre a fucking dick and I hate you but also youre family and included”#eddie is BAFFLED#but is equally quick to jump on that bandwagon#0o0 fanfics#if asked Jonathans excuse as to why he learned sign language is so he can make sure Steve is properly hearing him talk shit about him#very “he needs to know hes wrong” vibes#Nancy and robin sigh very dramatically about it#Steve can actually read jonathan's lips the easiest/clearest and refuses to tell anyone that#but Jonathan somehow knows anyway
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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do people really just wanna be fans of the hunger games and not mention palestine at all? like honestly? do you really wanna just support fictional uprisings and fighting back against fictional oppression but don't actually give a shit about it in real life? did y'all genuinely learn and internalize nothing from this series????
#the hunger games fandom has absolutely disgusted me the past 8 months#there's literally ZERO discussion of palestine & the genocide & the explicitly obvious parallels the books draw to what's going on#but no. everyone just wants to talk about everlark and fucking toast babies#its gross as fuck#its hard to be excited about the new book (which i am) because i now hate this fandom so much#fandom clearly didn't learn shit & even if they did they don't actually care about real brown people that are being visibly slaughtered#sunrise on the reaping#the hunger games#free palestine#thg#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#hunger games#suzanne collins#haymitch abernathy#panem#katniss everdeen#palestine
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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"
this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?
some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.
take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.
and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.
people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.
that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis
#bird original#see also: the murderbot diaries#murderbot does not like to be touched. murderbot does not like touching other people#physical contact is an unpleasant necessity in emergencies or to feign being human (something murderbot also hates)#at one point murderbot uncomfortably offers a hug to someone it cares for because she's upset and needs one --#and she refuses. because she knows it doesn't really want to; she won't ask it to do something it hates for her benefit#& yet murderbot fic often has it learning that touch ~isn't so bad~ and maybe there are a COUPLE people it likes to cuddle with.#the differences between vash in the original trigun anime and trigun stampede --#tristamp!vash is your woobie who hides his sad and traumatized heart under goofy behavior;#who copes and avoids through silly indulgences#2011!vash ... is not that#2011!vash isn't coping or masking. he feels immense grief yes; he also feels immense joy; the two are inseparable#he pursues joy moment to moment because he knows how fleeting each moment is#he loves people so intensely because he knows that he'll lose them -- so he has no time to waste with them#his grief is real and profound; so is his joy#i find that much more compelling and i feel like that's not a character i'd see in today's media environment#anyway#fandom#trauma#fanfic#throwing a golden apple into the tags with this but fuck it we ball
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L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.
his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...
this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.
this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.
one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.
imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.
#death note#astronaut rambles#l lawliet#*L voice* i need to get him in a collar#ahh the thematic cannibalism of light yagami and l lawliet#lawlight#also. i need someone talk to me about near's toys again#i reread mello's death + their final confrontation right before class today & i really like that near wears an L mask when they first meet#especially since that one author's note (?) about near probably hating L keeps standing out in my mind ahahahhaahah#that fucking house. it really fucks those kids up#did L ever even realize? probably not#too busy playing mind games with his psychological warfare fuck buddy boytoy to notice#feel like i should have more L thoughts honestly. i ramble about light often enough#but i suppose i'll just do with this for now and let it come naturally later#'what puts him at ease' 'the food that he likes' 'learn his routines' aww. they're planning a date :))
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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hey i just wanted to say thanks for still expressing positive sentiments towards homestuck even after all this time. most BNFs aren't creating fanworks as much anymore (no one could maintain that intensity forever tbh!) but when they completely divorce themselves from that part of their life it's just... those creations brought a lot of joy, and it's extra sad when they feel the need to go scorched earth. i'm happy your works are still around and i really do wish you all the best going forward!
i think a lot of us abandoned homestuck because of two factors: the first was the collapse of the proudly sex-positive fandom space that let us be weird and creative without fear or shame, and the second was the fact that homestuck ended, then launched several epilogues, in a way that seemed specifically designed to mock fans for caring.
like, some very dark, sad, awful things seemed to happen to hussie, and he certainly did not have a good time with his own fandom. but from the perspective of someone in the audience, if a show i love turns on me and starts directly insulting me for loving it, caring for it, and hoping for the best, i get up and leave the theater.
'isn't it horrible to be the hero? aren't stories just prisons? isn't love ultimately meaningless? isn't hope the main driver of tragedy?' sure, fine. yeah. you're not the first man to ask these questions. they're big damn questions!
'aren't you stupid for sitting there and watching me ask these questions? because the answer is that i'm an idiot for asking them and you're twice an idiot for thinking that the answers might be worth the wait.' now you're just being an asshole to yourself, your story, and your audience. im taking my toys and going home.
homestuck was a brilliant, fascinating, unprecedented monument to storycraft... and it ended like a sandcastle getting kicked over by a toddler. that, to me, is the central tragedy of the piece.
#homestuck#on writing#i learned a LOT from homestuck#like 'sooner or later the bill for monsterfucking will come due'#'a huge mob of teenagers are several bombs waiting for someone to happen'#'don't write to spite your fans everything will suck immediately'#'what you love is as important as how you love it'#'do not end a story so badly it makes everyone who loved it hate you'#'“fuck” is an excellent intensifier'
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did you ever figure it out (?)
( part two of this comic )
#i was saying 'this too is yuri' at their like second interaction ever okay. i have been girldean truther before like.#All of the Things that imply it (sort of). you know what i mean.#nobody can fucking stop me....#i think i am learning a lot abt the shows style making these hehe...#vbros#dawn venture#dean venture#triana orpheus#venture bros#kiwiarts#comic#again. not ship...necessarily.#also yeah i tried doing a background here d'you guys see that.#realized that vbros has lineless painted-y backgrounds and jumped for joy i fukcing hate lining backgrounds#<<<the reason my webcomic takes so long
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In the world I love
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In a different world
#vanitas no carte#vanoé#doomed yaoi save me...save me doomed yaoi#play on the opening song + visual sequence + the fact that vanitas could only ever be happy in an alternate universe also#+ the other fun little fact we learn about him from episode one#i have complex feelings about this anime#its pretty damn fucking good#but im a leeeeetle iffy about the way it developed the female characters.....they had potential and i was actually excited to#to see some good solid female characters even the respective romances with their l/i's felt good at the start#not jeanne obv. they fucked up a perfectly good woman and her whole dynamic with v could have gone sooo well without the reall#really forced flirting behaviour.... i liked the more serious relationship they had it made me actually not hate what they had at the start#but yknow. whatever. sorry about going off about another ship on this but im just....i love jeanne a lot. i wish they didnt do her so dirty#my girl deserves better than this asshole#you want white/black dynamics??? let her get married to domi and then we can talk#i enjoy this show and i enjoy vanoe a lot#very yuriyaoi if you ask me#my art
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