#Forever has a hard time being normal and healthy

[itsalwaysdark]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

[icarusredwings]

Not really comfortable exploring his part of his charater since its a bit too close to home for me but it's common for patiants with brain cancer to become violent and agressive depending where their turmor is and what it's hiting/ the way your brain is physically reacting to it's changes.

In the comics, there's lots of reference to domestic abuse from Wade and sometimes towards him in return and this is not a "Logan should have to deal with Wades overly agressive behavior" but I can see how utterly terrifying this would have been for his non regenerative partners.

Wade's LITERAL brain chemistry is changing and fluctuating all the time so it wouldn't be uncommon for him to come home and suddenly be acting very weird for him. That's the thing though. Everyone knows that Deadpool is unpredictable, its one of his largest charater traits. He's so unpredictable that even Task Master wants nothing to do with him.

Though I think about this being an easy fix for Logan, where else it might not be. Sure, before he figures it out he definitely would be pissed and confused, maybe even emotionally hurt.

Yeah they fight, yeah wade hit him a lot during those fights but it wasn't really the same. It's like those fights were unwrittenly consensual but hes been angry for no reason all week, cursing up a storm. The things Wade said never usually were this hurtful. But it was starting to get to him. His last straw is when he has the audiacity to kick puppins out of the way.

A 'There is NO way that's Wade' moment before stabbing him in the head.

Theres a fuss, some wrestling, but ultimately this fixes the problem. No you idiots not because he beats wade into submission Tch you could never actually do that. One of his second biggest traits is resiliency. He was literally deprived of air for al.ost 3 days straight and still managed to beat the fuck out of people, had his chest put a huge hole through, and then proceeded to run off. There is no "breaking him like a horse" or even a dog. His spirit is far to strong and he hates himself so much that nothing you say will truely hurt him, only hurt his trust in you cause he trusts you not to say those things but have been thinking the same thing about himslef for years.

It's when Logan finally hits the tumor (and or digs it out) when Wade's brain tissue regenerates and therefore removes the presssure/chemicals causing the problem. Wade also has a ton of memory issues because of stuff like this and honestly I can see him not even remembering that he did all thess things so when Logan tells him he was being an ass to him, how he called him a useless good for nothing, how he hit him when they weren't even play fighting, how he kicked puppins(?!)

He would be extremely over apologetic and probably cry because he himself knows what its like plus he can't control it and knows this will not be the last time.

Wade is toxic. He is extremely abusive in the eyes of healthy normal non regenerative non mutant relationships. And theres nothing he can do about it.

Yeah, Wade gets bitches. But keeping them is harder then making Al stop doing coke. It's never going to happen. Unless somehow someway someone removes his cancer without him dying, he will forever be like this. Ofc he dosn't want to be. It's why Vanessa probably left him. DV is hard enough but "Sorry I punched you in the face I had a huge tumor in my brain" is one of the very very very very very VERY few excuses for it. Because he CAN'T change though and often falls into manic depressive episodes as well, It's too much for a human.

It's impossible to handle if you don't have the correct tools.

Fortunately for Logan, He has 6. And won't let Wade get too out of hand. I can actually see him beating the fuck out of him the second he even tries to swing at him, sit up from all the blood on his face and hands, tumor between his teeth or something. "Better?"

It takes a few seconds for him to kick back, but it's one of those things where it can't be helped without ripping your boyfriends skull open.

"Better... I'm sorry, Logan.."

"You better be. I had a black eye for about 3 seconds, and I was really pissed about that."

"I bet you looked hot tho.."

"Shut up. You're introuble. Now clean up your brain juice before Al slips and dies."

Later that night, Wade tries to cuddle with Logan as an apology, curling into his back and snaking an arm over his waist.

A growl comes from Logan but he dosn't do anything about it. As mad as he is, he knows Wade cant help it and Wade was never angry at him when he blacks out and attacks him so why should he stay angry at him?

Honestly, he's more pissed about the name calling because it kinda hurt his trust with him. It hurts far more coming from his mouth than his own.

[cinnamonest]

Can we talk about boobs? 👀 like im wondering if the boys are crazy over em or not since it's like... both intimate and perverted at the same time or one or either

Like it can also be super embarrassing for the reader when she's getting the life sucked out of her tits for like... minutes on end?? Just trying to pry these virgin boys off. It's also not "pleasurable" for either party in the sense that it gets you to climax (unless perhaps we're talking about Albedo who is insane), but if you're a horny yan boy you might not care

The Albedo slander I can't— but you're right he can and will get you to cum from nothing but sucking on your tits, no matter how many tries and experimentation with various substances it takes. Which you find laughable, mockingly tell him that he as an academic should know women don't work like that… until he makes it happen and you eat your words, somehow. It's equally humiliating for you as it is amusing for him… the sly you were saying? as you lay there shivering and panting makes you all flustered, turning your face away to bury into the pillow.

But hear me out — the animal boy club, most of them at least, have a predisposition to titty affinity.

Gorou and Tighnari experience this the most strongly. Stronger primal mammalian instincts mean he has a much stronger drive than a normal human man to very specifically be drawn to indicators of fertility and suitableness for reproduction and healthy offspring. Regardless of size, your breasts automatically send off all the right signals when he lays eyes on them — milk for the offspring, a good breedable mate… it's torturous that they're right there yet human social conventions demand he can't do anything.

Animals don't really have a sense of shame in that regard, so there's less natural inhibition holding him back, he has to make an active effort to remind himself that he can't just walk right up to you and sniff at you, press his face into your chest… the thought of how embarrassing it would be in hindsight is all that's holding him back.

Once things develop, though, and he has you behind closed doors and available, he can't keep his mouth off of them. It feels natural, instinctive, popping your nipple into his mouth and suckling like that for ages — he could keep going forever if you didn't stop him eventually.

The downside of this is that you have to remind them to be careful… it turns out they both have some rather pointy teeth. Dogs have more rounded teeth, but still a powerful biting force that you have to watch out for, whereas fox teeth are much sharper. He's being careful, promise! It's just very easy to get lost in the bliss of the moment and maybe start to nibble a bit too hard, making you jolt and squeal… except the high-pitched sound and the feeling of struggling against him mimics a little prey animal fighting back, and that triggers a whole new set of instincts, now you have much worse problems as you're getting bitten everywhere else, jaw locking down to hold you still as he ruts into you.

Razor has the exact inverse going on. Sure, he's technically not any more naturally inclined towards it than an average human, but his upbringing has long since wired the proclivity into his head. Thing is, with she-wolves, theirs swell outward from the body only once they're pregnant, so for him, seeing human breasts, which are constantly in a state of being pronounced from the rest of the body, might as well be a perpetual onslaught of blatantly provocative imagery.

Unlike the other two, though, he has the exact opposite degree of inhibition. He got the whole “personal space” talk already once or twice, he just… forgets.

However, unfortunately, by the time you meet him, no one has given him the “inappropriate staring” talk yet, so the moment you're introduced by the knights, you see his eyes widen, his head tilts slightly downward, his gaze fixates, and… stays there. No shame, no attempt to conceal what he's looking at, mouth slightly ajar in a dumbstruck stupor. You pause in confusion when he slowly reaches his hand up and out, fingers stretched out as if to grab something, only to be stopped at the last second by one of the knights who spotted the incoming social disaster just in time, grabbing him by the wrist and trying to change the subject with an awkward laugh.

Once he has you to himself, though, he develops a fixation with them. He will come up to you and just sort of… plant his face in the middle, like recharging energy, nuzzling and, to your dismay, sometimes trying to chomp down on them, which you have to actively discourage. During your naps in the sun, you often find yourself waking up to the sudden sucking sensation — and he’s relentless about it too, latching on firmly and refusing to let go. He’s a bit disappointed to learn that no milk comes out, though, at least not yet.

Xiao is the exception to this natural affinity — avians don’t nurse, so it’s a bit of a foreign concept… but the human form is still drawn to it. Except he’s more fond of them for softness, so once he’s more comfortable with touch (which does take a while), he tends to use them as a pillow, opting to rest his head on them for long periods of time. It’s comforting in a way that he can’t really articulate, it just makes him feel at ease.

And then there’s the staring — he’s more accustomed to human norms and social etiquette than Razor, he just sort of… gets distracted for a moment. You just bend forward in just the right way, or perhaps take a bouncing step or come down a flight of stairs, and it just grabs his attention to such an extent that there’s a solid few seconds where he’s left dumbstruck and completely captivated, trailing off anything he was saying, just staring downward in a slack-jawed daze… until you wave your hand in front of his face and he snaps out of it, going fully red in the face. You say you don’t mind, but that only serves to make him more embarrassed…

[crowdeerdire]

Maeve "Crow" Warwick My Our Life: Now and Forever MC! (What is written on the sheet just down below the cut + more info!)

Sleeves are all long/stretched because she pulls them when she's anxious (which is all the time tbh)

Hobo Child :) (Opal calls her that with love)

"I don't have TIME to brush my hair!!" or as Opal likes to call her: Maeve "Never heard of a hairbrush" Warwick

Has a little pouch she carries everywhere that contains: Bandaids, random coins she's found and rocks.

"I'm okay! I'm prepared!" Use to being clumsy and needing bandaids. Treats it more like a badge of honour when she's 10. She just has very bad spacial awareness/will most likely have ADHD

Loves collecting random treasures <- why people use to call her "Crow" because shiny things :) Grew use to it and wanted to keep the nickname when she came to Golden Grove

She moved with Opal from West Coast Canada. Donor was American, so she's Canadian-American (idk if donor really counts, but she's at least now Canadian-American because they moved south and live in Oregon now :) )

Clumsy af

Shy at first/very quiet (but once she gets to know people she really opens up and shows her silly/loud side)

Mom's old sweater <- She wears Opal's old caradign as a jacket because she doesn't like anything too much. Like Tamarack she tends to run warm.

Taller then Tamarack (BFF) and shorter then Qui (Crush + BFF)

Added info: Doesn't try hard at school but breezes by just fine (this will catch up with her later)

Upset with her mom/Opal about the whole big move to Golden Grove but she tries to bottle it up thinking she NEEDS to be strong for her mom. It comes out later in a not at all healthy way :) aka Step 2 teenage angst

Wished she got a "normal life" with a dad or another mom or really anything. She feels awkward when people bring up and ask why it's just her and her mom.

Happy to spend time by herself outside finding treasures

Although she's clumsy, Opal did buy her roller skates. She's not bad at them except when she gets distracted and then everything goes to hell

doodles in class more then writes down notes

is learning the piano as an after school thing to do <- actually quite good at it

Can sing but doesn't like to do it in front of people. Same with the piano. If she's home alone she'll play and sing to herself

Scar on her neck is from a very nasty fall during a hike. Ended up being fine but gave Opal the scare of a life time

[cannedpickledpeaches]

Sad Poems but I Choose to Interpret Them as Happy

Jade Leech x Reader

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them . . . . I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp . . . I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world.” -Excerpt from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket

Jade is not as fickle as his brother, but he too is guilty of interests that come and go like the wind. There are some that stay, like hiking, foraging, and photography; but there are far more that he drops as soon as he’s figured them out. More often than not, his love is not long-lasting.

He has long accepted that any romantic relationship he finds himself in would have a very slim chance of being normal. Healthy. No, his love will likely destroy his partner, whether it is because of obsession or of fleeting interest. He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad to experience it. It would be interesting, a deviation from his norm.

You’re his target, but only because you made such a fascinating proposition. When you’re bored of me, tell me immediately, and we can break up with no hard feelings. Were you such a pragmatic person? He hadn’t noticed before. It spurs him on to know more, to learn everything about you. And once he does, once every single secret you could possibly hide is laid bare before him, he’ll lose interest like he always does and drop you like a bad habit.

So he does. Your favourite food. Colour. Season. The basic things, until they get more specific. The way you do your hair in the mornings. The recipes you favour and the ratio of their ingredients. Your reactions to his occasional unhinged comment. The shows that you laugh or cry at. The ones you think are mediocre. He files them all away in his memory, picking you apart like you’re a subject to study. That’s what he tells himself, anyway. Mild interest. Once he finds out everything, he’ll grow bored and leave.

Days turn to months turn to a year. Has so much time really passed? The secrets you hold have dwindled in number. He knows you inside out, top to bottom, soul to body. There’s only one thing left that he doesn’t know.

You often tease him, asking why he won’t bring you to the Coral Sea. He always gives some shoddy excuse or the other. He isn’t so sure, himself. There’s no real reason to stall. The ice floes have retreated. His parents would be delighted. He would finally know how you’d act in his hometown, in the dark, deep sea that is so different from your home, and with that, he would finally drop you. There will be nothing new.

Unfortunately, I find myself quite busy recently. Perhaps next month. When next month comes around, he pushes it another thirty days. Then another. He was never one to procrastinate, so why now? This is far from efficient. Was he such a cowardly person? He hadn’t known before. He needs to get it done so that he will no longer have a reason to keep you by his side—

Ah. That is the issue, isn’t it?

He doesn’t know how long he’d been in love. All he knows is that he can’t get bored anymore, even if the smile you give him is the same, even if your laughter that warms his chest is unchanging, even if he brings you home. All he knows is that as much as he thought his love would be destructive, he treasures your comfort and happiness too much to think about hurting you anymore. The deadline no longer lies where your last secret is. Forever, until the seas dry up, until he breaths his last gasp—he will love you forever.

[aftgficrec]

Staff Recs - Christmas/Winter

We haven’t done a winter season roundup for a while, so this will be a multi-part post with short fics and more to come. Happiest of holidays to you and yours from the AFTG Fic Rec Fam!

NB: I came across several tumblr posts asking for help finding a fic with specific Christmas scenes, and the answer was ‘let them hear me shout (for you).’ So, you might want to check that out along with the rest of ‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ series if you haven’t read it or want to revisit an old favourite. It’s complete now, find it here. 

My personal favorite 5-snowflake fics from this collection are highlighted below and featured at the top of the recs. -A

�� ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆

‘We Can Live Forever’ by mostly_maudlin - A wintry high school au with healthy rivalries and pining. Best friends andreil are so woven together it’s a wonder no one has dubbed them with a ship name as Andrew helplessly pines. It’s snappy and full of family, foxes and developing relationships. If you don’t normally read fics where they’re teens, you may like this one.

‘The Monkey in the Wrench’ by Fire_Bear - A Die Hard au with bamf!neil protecting his family and reigniting old love feels like the Christmas fic we never knew we needed. Breaking my own rule of falling for a wip for this one.

‘Cerulean Nights’ by misalignedstars - kevjean shipper or not, the star crossed lovers/longing/yearning/regret subplot hurts so good. This may be the yearningest thing I’ve ever read.

❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆

previous recs:

links to previous Staff Recs Christmas/Winter here

Staff Recs - New Year/New Beginnings here

seasonal ask: part 1 winter, part 2 Christmas

‘Your love is my drug’ here (completed)

‘The Missed Connections Support Group’ here

‘A Book for Christmas’ and ‘coffee & crosswords’ here

‘I'm just the same as I was’ here

‘Go Team!’ here

‘Pause and Restart my Heart’ series part 1 here 

‘Guardian Angel’ series here

‘permanent’ here

‘Paint Our Lives In Color’ here

‘A little closer to home’ here

‘Razor sharp smile and icy blue eyes’ here

‘Stop the World’ here

‘True Love Waits’ series here

‘In Time We'll Be Fine,’ ‘Breathing in the Snowflakes,’ and ‘the memory of burning’ here

‘Bedroom Voices’ here 

‘I Caught Fire’ here

‘this room, our universe’ here

‘Virus’ here

‘Andrew Minyard's Diary’ here

‘A Phantom and a Fly’ here

‘In Flanders Fields’ and ‘Front Lines’ here (historical, jewish neil)

‘Burning the skies’ here (fantasy)

‘RED, RISE, RULE’ here (fantasy)

‘Witching You A Happy Holiday’ here (fantasy)

‘Like a River’ here (harry potter)

‘A Falling Star’ series part 3 here (kerejean)

‘Promises’ here (kevaaron)

‘Mixed Feelings and Not Second Choices’ here (kevaaron)

‘Every Sinner Has A Future’ here (neil/aaron)

‘my one, my dear’ here (kevin/robin)

‘daydream in pink’ here (kev/allison)

‘All for the (wrong) game’ here (kevin/oc, recently updated)

We Can Live Forever by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 46706 Words, Complete, 2022]

PALMETTO HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETIC FUNDRAISER WINTER SERENADES - $5 EACH On sale Dec. 15-17 during lunch blocks. Support our teams, and let them show your friends how much you care through choreographed song and dance! Participation in the fundraiser is mandatory for all student-athletes. Maybe none of this would have happened if they weren't pushed out of their comfort zones. (But honestly, maybe it was always going to end this way.) A story about the joys of competition, the people in your corner, and, of course, the misfortune of being a teenager in love with your best friend.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: alcohol, tw: internalized homophobia

NB: includes fanart by @letraspal

The Monkey in the Wrench by Fire_Bear [Rated M, 9431 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2024]

Despite his misgivings, Neil has agreed to attend his friends' work's Christmas party on the eve before Christmas Eve. His ex is going to be there, it's in a fancy building, and he's just come off a cross-country flight. There is nothing he wants to do less. It gets worse when an armed group invades the building and takes everyone hostage. Now Neil has to find a way to save everyone and stop the attackers from getting away with it.

tw: violence

Cerulean Nights by misalignedstars [Not Rated, 99742 Words, Complete, 2024]

Neil wasn’t exactly wrong about Ichirou Moriyama, but he also wasn’t exactly right: Ichirou is a shrewd businessman who cares little for Exy, that much is true. Unfortunately, he also likes using his assets to their full potential. Soon after being acquired by Ichirou Moriyama, Kevin finds himself on an errand to Japan with his former teammate, under the guise of a PR tour to distract the media and the public from his real mission. Old wounds rip open and old flames rekindle as Kevin and Jean are forced to navigate the Exy politics of an unknown land and survive the Japanese underworld at the same time. tldr: Ichirou Moriyama becomes the unwitting cupid for Kevin and Jean when he sends them on a PR tour as a front for conducting some secret yakuza business in the background.

tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: assault

I want to find a home (and I want to share it with you) by ofwhitedaisies [Rated T, 21526 Words, Complete, 2024]

The sun was peeking past the trees, its warm glow bathing the cafe with pretty yellows and oranges. Andrew stuck his ear-buds into his ears, and continued to work. Today would be quiet, he thought to himself. Good. Of course, as God hated Andrew, and peace was never an option, trouble arrived in the form of a boy in ratty orange converse and a lousy motorbike. ~ In which Andrew is a baker, Neil is a delivery man and Kevin just wants to play Exy.

tw: implied/referenced torture

Comfort Food by moonix [Rated T, 29241 Words, Complete, 2024, Locked]

Kevin has just retired from a prosperous Exy career and needs a personal chef, a new couch, and a hobby. Neil reluctantly provides.

wishes are real, not free by defractum [Rated T, 14611 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange 2016]

A Beauty and the Beast inspired AU in which Andrew's outer monster reflects his inner monster.

tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: dead animals, tw: hunger, tw: fire, tw: violence, tw: major character injury, tw: canonical character death

Family Affairs by KweenDay [Rated T, 21232 Words, Incomplete, Update Jan 2024, Locked]

Andrew meets Neil and Kevin in a group home when he's thirteen. They're an odd pair, with Neil's reckless outbursts and short fuse, and Kevin's stillness and sad, soulful eyes, and their fierce protectiveness of each other. Against all odds, Andrew befriends them. By the end of the second week, he knows he's found his people. By the end of the month, they make a promise to always find each other, no matter where they land. And they do. Every year, on Christmas Eve, they find each other and spend it together. AKA Andrew, Neil and Kevin make a promise to spend every Christmas together when they're kids. Those are their Christmases over the years.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced csa

Winter Woes series by thisonethatone [Rated M/E, Collection, Updated Feb 2024]

Part 1: The Way the Wind Blows [E, 15912 Words, Complete] ‘Who are you?’ ‘Who am I?’ He mocked with a loftily raised brow and faux bravado. ‘You are in My tower. Don’t you think I have the right to such bold questions?’ The boy simply raised a brow in return, his blade tracing a deadly path down to the hollow of his throat. ‘Yet I am not the one under a blade.’ His face morphed into something less deadly as amusement played across his features.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: death threats, tw: child abuse, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: major character injury

Part 2: Rabbit’s Foot, Snake’s Tongue [M, 4926 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 20204] Neil is snatched up by the Moriyama Empire and forcefully betrothed to their deranged youngest son, Andrew is mortally wounded and searching frantically for his lover, and Riko is always one step ahead.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: kidnapping

jewish neil

Spun a Dreidel With My Love by buriedinbaltimore [Not Rated, 14023 Words, Complete, AFTG Winter Exchange 2020]

Chapter 1 (Rated T): It’s 6.5 years after canon and the Foxes host a holiday party! Chapter 2 (Rated E): After the party, Andrew and Neil play strip dreidel and have dirty sex.

tw: explicit sexual content

kandreil, kevaaron, rarepairs

just pretend by orionauriga [Rated M, 23305 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2023]

This was supposed to be a team bonding trip to rectify Kevin’s never-been-skiing claim — but with everyone else snowed out and him snowed in with the two people he’s spent months avoiding, evading, ignoring, it’s turning out to be an actual nightmare. Not that he’ll ever tell Neil and Andrew that. To make matters worse, he is (regrettably) sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit in love with them. Not that he’ll ever tell them that either.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Kevin Day Hated Christmas by erosandhades [Rated T, 13340 Words, Complete, 2020]

Kevin Day hated Christmas and no one but himself, his dad and stepmother knew why, and that was the way he wanted things to be. But after an unexpected night and a situation that changes everything, Kevin wonders if maybe the future holds more than he thought possible.

tw: disordered eating, tw: claustrophobia, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced suicide, tw: implied/referenced child neglect, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced torture

Fairy Lights by KweenDay [Rated M, 29637 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Neil and Aaron are strangers who swap houses for the holidays, trying to avoid spending them with their families. Then Neil meets Aaron's more-than-a-little-interesting enigmatic brother. And Aaron meets Neil's more-than-a-little-infuriating incredibly attractive best friend. So much for peace, then. a.k.a The Holiday inspired Andreil/Kevaaron AU

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced torture

NB: Christmas Andreil from Fairy Lights art by @strokeofinspiration here

Royal Flush by OfficialStarsandGutters [Rated T, 29460 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2021]

Royalty AU for the AFTG Winter Exchange - Neil Josten is a thief; a shadow without a name, changing identities like people change clothes. Until he steals an invitation to the Royal Winter Games. The Daylands are hosting this year, and their sport is always the same: exy. Neil knows it’s a foolish risk, but he just wants the chance to play on an official court. Just once. He hadn’t factored in how crossing paths with King Andrew Minyard might change things.

tw: violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced self harm

Aaron Likes To Be Choked?! by Alluin_Fengari [Rated M, 46422 Words, Incomplete, Updated Nov 2024]

Aaron likes to think that his relationship with Katelyn is perfect. And while Aaron might not be perfect, Katelyn is, in Aaron's eyes anyways. But the question, "Does Aaron likes to be chocked??" Surges when his family over Christmas break notices the bruises in Aaron's neck. But at the same time, his family of monster being them do not think that it was something kinky, sadly, it appears that they are more correct than Aaron wants to ever admit.

tw: dubcon, tw: domestic abuse, tw: unhealthy relationship, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: victim blaming, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced alcohol abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: internalized homophobia

Two's a Crowd, and Three's a Party by rakshasaandcarcasses [Rated T, 11369 Words, Complete, 2024]

In the back of his mind, he was still considering what Jeremy had suggested. Aaron would rather be thrown down ten flights of stairs by Andrew personally than be stuck in between Matt and Jeremy right now. Jeremy, Aaron, and Matt go ice skating, and Aaron realizes something about the others and then about himself!!

Art

winter sweater for a fox art by @girubato

The big three: upperclassmen Christmas banquet art by @mioxza

Happy holidays ya filthy animals art by @emry-stars-art 

tfc winter mug series art by @jojen-hewitt: Neil | Andrew | Kevin | Jeremy | Jean | Renee

andreil mistletoe with betting foxes art by @andreil-minyasten

andreil Nice and Naughty Christmas sweaters art by @kkyraken

andreil New Year’s Eve kiss art by @thematicallycoherent

andreil at the Christmas market art by @ravenclawkward-art 

andreil at a cafe in England for the holidays art by @rainbowd00dles

andreil cozy christmas art by @/ohkitzinger on twitter

Please don’t go, I love you so and Merry Christmas art by @ouijacine

Christmas time!! art by @/amesfgc on twitter

andreil Christmas Redraw art by @/MASSLOW5 on twitter

All I want for Christmas is you art by @jayjuls

andreil: happy new year, christmas baking, decorating tree art by @/lis_photoart on instagram

[xxxnightcorequeenxxxv3]

More Lore Stuff magical girl AU

I had a back-and-forth with @dannyphantom-justiceleauge on Discord. I got some more video recommanations for more stuff. And we chatted a lot about lore stuff they were curious about after my first post, so here is the summary of what we discussed + some extra bits. Their magical forms Regarding their magical forms, they do gain a bit of heightened flexibility. But they have to train in it to unlock more power-up forms. They do not change with them as they age; they are in the limbo stage at almost adulthood. (Insert joke about Tim forever being 17, blaming the magical girl curse for his stature. p.s it's not the curses doing) It's a curse and not a blessing, so why? First of all, the curse is all about self-preservation over the well-being of its Robins; it will heal them from lethal wounds as it needs them to be as strong as it is, but their mental healing is neglected. It is partly self-aware to the point that it wants to grow stronger. How does it get stronger? by having more people cursed into magical girls. But it can't curse people in quick succession. It has to recharge. It heals by forcing the Robin to transform when they are not in view of interference. the magical veil kicks in hard drive. So, the only one who can see her for the rescue portion is a fellow Robin. And the cursed has stay as magical girl form for the duration of the healing prosses. As the curse comes with an unwanted genderswap for everyone. it takes a toll on some of them harder than others. Can't exactly reassure the family you're fine when you're not you; they are lucky they can text. (Good thing Dick got a big apartment) The side effects of healing are also no joke. They are felt as phantom pains for every Robin, sharing the burden of hurt and taking energy to heal. In magical form, this manifests as a white streak on the individual who has had a prolonged stay in their magical form to heal. Babs, Jay, Tim, and Dami, I'm pretty sure, are in Got streaks club. The curse is also a danger magnet. The stronger it's Robins, the stronger it gets, you know. It also comes with the side effect of not being able to speak about the curse or warn anyone about it. The only one they can communicate about the curse freely is a fellow Robin. This is part of the magical veil I talked about. It makes people unable to connect the dots on who the Robins are as civilians. but it can also hide them from detection if they get badly hurt for eveyone but thier fellow Robins. Or for shorter times when to be in public as normal is needed. The Curse also makes them forget where they got the powers from. So, they have a hard time keeping track of the cursed music box. However, it usually stays close unless it wants more Robins. Living situation. They are more spread out, such as Cass staying with Babs. Tim gets smuggled into the manor under the pretense he can stay until his parents return from their trip. (it's been months) Dick gets his apartment still as they need some to go, not under Bruce's watch. How did it get to that point? Well, someone accidentally took the OG cured box with them to school on "accident". That's how Tim found it after it got " lost". Bruce is a bit of a better parent in this AU; got therapy for kids, as he saw them struggling and them "not" being vigilantes meant they could make use of therapy, unlike him. Though the Curse's Gaise is keeping them mum about their identity. So, they have to speak in metaphors if they want help from the therapists. So I read this book, I had a nightmare, on the news, scary game. Not to mention the body dysphoria. But that one is a bit of a sliding scale for who took it worse.

as @dannyphantom-justiceleauge put it; "I could see Tim being more fluid, and Cass being agender. Dick isn't as bothered by it as he feels he should be but that's more because he has a healthy relationship with gender than because he's comfortable with the.. changed parts. Hes him no matter the body even if its a bit weird Tim and Cass are fully in the, eh it doesnt matter camp. Babs, Jason, Damien, and Steph are having struggles tho

Duke also strikes me as less bothered by it. He has different priorities."

Jay may not have had to deal with voice cracks for his extended stay as a magical girl, but the growing he did, but not know it, it was a bit of a shock to him. bigger body and different voice when he finally got turned back into a guy really rocked his mental health. But on the positive side of things where, they could adapt the coping skills they learned in therapy. Bruce don't know what the kids are up to with the magic thing. He just thing they got close sibling bonds and likes to hang out. Alfred knows the kids are up to something but can't say for sure what they are up. His best guess is they are hanging out with friends doing gymnastics with friends as a sort of club thing. Bruce's thoughts on the Magical girls. Of course, he is worried for their safety, as he has been repeatedly saved from peril by them, who would jump in the way of lethal attacks to protect him. He is under the misconception that they are using tech and not magic. He made the mistake of commenting on the white streak in someone's hair. And got the explanation that it's a side effect of them kinda dying for a bit. causing him to jump to the conclusion that if their hair turns all white, they'll die. (They won't, but he doesn't know that) all in all, causing him grey hair. He likes that the use non lethal attacks, and kinda has a mini freak out when he learns they got a lethal mode. Who are they fighting? Rouges, mostly, But they are trying to Cleanse Gotham of curses cuz that's the only way to break their curse. We talked about weapons having 3 forms. The initial one you see in the first post is an alt mode and their lethal mode. Because i planned on doing power ups. The weapons also come with sound effects. Think Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha's weapon with voice effects. Also, on a side note, Dami was not happy with his base form weapon, only to be likewise annoyed when a long time after he found out the lethal version of his weapon is a sword. The first one to unlock lethal mode is Dick after what Joker did to Jay and Babs. (when the gloves come of their is penance to pay clown) Think escrima sticks with eclectic blades attached. His alt mode is just bigger flags. Babs i've also fully wotk out it starts as a hula hoop, turs cyr wheel in alt mode then a Giant Shuriken for lethal mode. But to make it up to you, I'll tell you Tim's full weapon sequence.

Base form twirling baton, alt mode is a more extended staff, and lethal mode is a scythe. and a bonus vids for @dannyphantom-justiceleauge suggestions that gets included in the AU.

[herpartnerintime]

max's separation anxiety with chloe

It takes an incident where Max and Chloe are briefly apart for Max to fully realize how much anxiety she has when it comes being apart from Chloe.

It happened when a man got to close, a man who looked like Jefferson, that even when her mind let her see it wasn’t him, all she could process was it was an unfamiliar man who might try and hurt her like him. Without even thinking she rewinded him away from her and then ran and locked herself in a bathroom, calling Chloe in a frantic panic, thinking she was trapped back in the dark room. Chloe had to come rescue her. In a bathroom. She’d have felt more embarrassed after if she couldn’t appreciate the humor in them both saving each other in a bathroom. She thinks of the fear she voiced to Chloe all those years ago about moving. That she didn't think she'd be okay without Chloe. She hadn't been okay those five years apart, but she had tried to convince herself she was. But now after the storm, she couldn't even pretend she was okay being apart from Chloe, even Chloe walking out of their hotel room to grab ice was anxiety inducing. Part of it was fear of Chloe dying and not being there to rewind to save her. Having to watch Chloe die so much those five days had been haunting her awake and asleep. She'd never had any time to process it as it happened but after the storm it had been really catching up with her, the amount of times Chloe died, the fact one death was by her own hand, at Chloe's request... She knows the universe was trying very hard to kill Chloe. And she can’t help but fear it could happen again, even if the storm was the consequence for the universe to spare Chloe’s life. At any moment, the universe could try and take Chloe from her again.

If Chloe were to die or be seriously hurt, Max takes photos all the time of them she could jump into. But who knows if she really will have these powers forever? They could disappear in an instant. Her words to Chloe about her powers not lasting forever might end up coming true someday. She could lose Chloe for good and have no way to get back to her. So when Chloe is away from her, Max can't help but fear for Chloe. She'll even fire off her normal dorky texts because while she loves being dorky in texts with Chloe she also finds it comforting when she responds, because that means Chloe is okay. Safe. In this reality with her.

And that incident in the bathroom made Max realize it’s not just Chloe’s death she fears when being apart – it's that she doesn’t feel safe herself apart from Chloe. She’s still haunted by The Dark Room, the way Jefferson hurt her, made her feel so violated in his Dark Room, and she’s still haunted too by having to walk through the storm alone in a world where Chloe was dead and gone and she was completely alone with death all around her, the storm itself a threat to her life... or how she was dragged into that terrifying nightmare being chased in some fragmented twisted reality. How can she be sure she won’t pass out and get dragged away from Chloe again, dragged back into The Dark Room or that nightmare and never be able to escape? Or end up back in that reality where she had to put Chloe to sleep forever and exist in a world where Chloe was dead? She was in so many other realities she's terrified one of them will steal her away from Chloe... She doesn't even like her dreams separating them and finds falling asleep hard because it means leaving Chloe.

Being with Chloe just makes her feel safe. Max doesn't think she ever feels safer in this world than when she's in Chloe arms, Chloe's arms like a shield around her. Chloe keeps her grounded, calm, helps keep her from feeling scared or anxious or afraid. Feeling Chloe's touch and hearing Chloe's voice is a reminder Chloe is safe and so is she. Being apart from Chloe shatters all of that. Makes Max anxious. Sends her into panic attacks.

Max knows it’s not healthy - to fear being apart from Chloe to this extreme. They promised each other to always be together - forever, and yes, they will be together forever, but she knows eventually there may be times where they're going to be apart briefly. They each have their own interests to pursue which will eventually involve them being away from each other for part of the day. But she doesn't want to ever be apart for even a moment. She knows there's something wrong with her, to feel this way, this fear of being apart, on such an intense level. The way her thoughts can run scares her sometimes, the way she feels she has no control over them, how Chloe being apart from her feels like the scariest thing in the world now. How her mind riddles her with anxieties and fears for Chloe's safety and her own.

It’s not even very fair, since Chloe had to be without her for years. Five of them. And she can’t seem to handle a few minutes or few hours apart. When she called in a panic needing Chloe, Chloe answered in a heartbeat and came running for her in a heartbeat. She was never there for Chloe’s phone calls when she’d kept calling and calling... She doesn’t deserve Chloe. Doesn’t deserve to have her endless loyalty, being there for her when she wasn’t for her for all those years. Chloe’s forgiven her for it... she forgave her on the cliff, but in moments like that she realizes she never will forgive herself. For being so selfish she made Chloe live five years without her and now she can’t even handle Chloe not being right by her side at every moment.

And Max is aware of how… the trauma of October 7 to October 11 left her very clingy in a way she wasn't before. She’s an Introvert. She liked alone time. Maybe she liked alone time a little to much, since she had missed Chloe so much and been so lonely but had just gotten so used to being alone. But what had happened to her, to them, had taken their already intense bond and turned it up to eleven.

Her panic attack, from her first time apart from Chloe since the storm, was her first true understanding of how deep her trauma ran when it came to being apart from Chloe. Chloe told her after the storm it was her time to take care of her, and that's what she has done, as everything has caught up to Max and left her emotionally exhausted Chloe is there to take care of her, and Max is there to remind Chloe she is loved and was worth saving. They’ll help each other get through all this. Max will eventually be able to go out alone without falling apart. It’ll take time. But they have all the time in the world to work on it now. Chloe will help her get better, so she can take over the world with her photography and she'll help Chloe too, so Chloe can discover and pursue her own passion. "Max... I'll always be with you." "Forever."

[fishhawish]

Can I have a yandere Miss Circle and Mr Demi x Fem reader?

I seriously have like 5 almost finished requests and the writing block hit me so hard because the only thing I wanna write about is FPE rn

Anyways

Remember that it is not okay to act like this in real life and if you do feel this way I'd advise you to get professional help.

Miss Circle❤️

• She's already murderous as is. Now she's obsessed with her co-worker and murderous? That's wonderful.

• She wouldn't dare let You catch her harming a student for a failing grade. She needs to always look innocent in front of you.

• She always tries to eat lunch with you if possible, and she packs some of the weirdest lunches too.

• She gets upset when you call her demon horns a cat ears, but she doesn't show it and just giggles.

• Her confidence can get overwhelming, she'll leave notes for you on your door asking for a date with something like "You're pretty >:3" and stuff.

• Occasionally she tries to pack you lunches but her own lunches are questionable so sometimes you have to pretend to like it.

• She can canonically change her height at any time and usually remains at 9'7, but she's used her ability to change in order to spy on you.

• She probably has atleast one picture of you guys together from a teacher meeting or something

Confession

You turn around to see someone approach you in the teachers lounge while you're getting water. "Hello there, I was questioning about something." She says confidently. However after getting to know her, you could see she was slightly nervous. "Yes miss circle?" You look at her smiling politely. The faint blush creeping onto her face as she tells you how much she admires you and that she adores you. "I've never felt such emotions. I never thought I'd say this to someone like you, but will You go out with me?"

Acceptance

You look at her smiling, heart feeling like it's going to burst out of your chest at any moment. "Yes, I will." You say to her somewhat flustered. The 9'7 demon lady giggling in excitement, happy beyond what words could ever explain. "Let's meet up tonight at 7pm after school" she said before running out of the teachers lounge with her inhumane speed. Later that night she meets you at your house, dressed neatly for the occasion. The simple yet beautiful picnic in the sunset was definitely something she'd always remember forever.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Circle, I don't reciprocate." You said looking away from her. She silently walks out of the room with no hint of any emotion or expression she's feeling right now. When you went home at night you couldn't help but feel like you where being followed. She picks you up from behind, using her compass to keep you stable off of the ground sandwiched between her and her arm. With her other hand she drugs you to sleep. You never had a choice anyway.

★

Mister Demi💚

• So shy when he met you, he tried to hide away to the library. Unfortunately for him you where in front of the teacher lounge exit so he had no escape.

• Fell for You when he watched how caring and compassionate You are with the students. He's seen what some other teachers do and he's not fond of it..

• Wrote a whole song for You on the piano but won't ever show you. He's to scared that you might dislike it or be uninterested.

• He doesn't know what he's feeling and so he panics, like, a lot. He talks to Miss Sasha about it and she tries her best to explain to him that he's having a crush but it just makes him panic more.

• A crush soon turns into infatuation and he's too deep in. He starts panicking immediately noticing that this isn't healthy. He's seen normal couples and none of them act the way he wants to act.

• Also cries to Miss Sasha about the unhealthy infatuation but she's ends up more concerned about his mental over his feelings.

• Gets urged by Miss Sasha to seek professional help so he gets therapy (which he's terrified about) but the feelings don't stop.

• Literally acts like a fan girl after you talk to him or even breathe the same air as him.

Confession

Miss Sasha walking up to you during lunch with second hand embarrassment, note neatly tucked away into the pocket of her shorts. She politely starts up some small talk with you before getting to the point. "Sorry to bother you but, Mister Demi has feelings for you. He sent me over with a note to give to you." She smiles at you handing over the note. The note says "I really like being around you, you're so pretty. Please like me back. I'm sorry"

Acceptance

"Miss Sasha, please tell him I feel the same." You say to her giggling. She's so excited to watch your and his new relationship blossom. Sasha does however tell you about the obsessive behavior and that he is getting professional help for it. Although you are very keen on staying with him to help him though it. She's so proud of both of you, and herself for being the amazing wing woman she totally is. She goes back to Mister Demi who's sitting across the lunchroom. When he hears the news he is joyus. But he also slams his head down to the table in embarrassment. He's really shy but gathers enough courage from Sasha cheering him on and you both exchange numbers.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Sasha, I don't believe I know Mister Demi well enough to form an opinion or feelings." She smiles and nods understandingly. However she whispers to you about the obsessive behavior and warns you about it. You're absolutely shocked. Glancing over to him immediately feeling uncomfortable. Sasha returning to Mister Demi with the news and handing him back the note. His whole world falls apart in front of everyone. He can't handle rejection well. He goes into a depressive and desperate state. Changing everything about him so that you'll love him. Eventually you don't even recognize him anymore until you realized how shy he is.

[gemtail]

I like how some people think stolitz is ruined when in fact it was never a healthy relationship to begin with and it was kinda bound to go down like the Hindenburg. Blitz was too self absorbed in his own reflection chamber of self-hatred to realize how much he hurt people who genuinely cared about him while Stolas DID initially start their relationship as transactional and mistook it for true love… and all the while being way way waaaaaaay too sexual with blitz at the start to the point of making him super uncomfortable. That in turn made Blitz come to the conclusion that their relationship was only lust based and think that there could never be anything deeper to it. So Stolas being way too over sexual with him already did nothing to help. I mean, Blitz thought that him getting kidnapped by Striker was just a ploy to get him to sleep with him again (remember, he did hire Blitz to be his bodyguard just to flirt with him more) and he only realized that wasn’t true after Stolas was at the hospital. So the relationship wasn’t just toxic all because of Blitz. Yeah, he had a history of screwing over many people but Stolas? Well… a relationship with Blitz won’t make him realize everything wrong with him but… I do worry that something else will… which might come in the form of Octavia lashing out at him.

Because he has done his best to make sure that Octavia had a normal life. But that also probably means that he hid a lot of things from her. However, due to her position, he can’t always protect her from the realities of it all. She will also likely be in an arranged marriage. She won’t be kept out and away from the politics her family is involved in forever. It will all come crashing in on her and it won’t be pretty. Hell! Finding out that Stolas HAD to make an heir will likely already hurt like hell because then she will wonder if he ever wanted her. It’s just like his relationship with blitz: not saying the things that NEED to be said and discussed except after it all blows up. If he wants to avoid Octavia finding out the truth the hard way with no input from him, then he’ll have to tell her. But I’m thinking that a falling out with her may wind up being the reason he sees his own faults: that he’s not fully open to those he loves and would rather put up a front or talk about something else than actually talk about the real issues at hand or be fully open about his feelings and what is truly going on with him. A good example is the time at Loo Loo Land when he stopped himself from admitting that he was never in love with Stella. Sure, Octavia may have had questions but he could have answered them all and comforted her. It also would have been an opportunity to talk about the fact that she may also have to be put into a political marriage as well and perhaps make plans to either avoid it as long as possible or pair her with someone she at least gets along with.

Blitz is easy to blame and get mad at for the problems in the relationship he had with Stolas but when it comes to Octavia? There’s no excuse there. He can’t keep stonewalling her about the reality of the life of a Goetia. She is going to eventually find out because not knowing the reality of it has already been making her insecure about her relationship with her father. She will eventually start wondering why everything is happening and will probably dig for the answers. She is 17 after all and she soon might also be married off once she hits 18… especially if Stella and Andrealphus come up with a plot to get rid of Stolas. The biggest lie he told her was that if he was gone, she would be ok… but she won’t. She will instead go through the same things he did

[caufield193]

Just being honest here but I am trying so hard to not hate Judith… not because I hate her but because of all these yt feminist who only started liking her because RJ exist. It’s hilarious how they use her to hide their racism. Idk if it’s just me, but anytime someone says anything untrue but harmful about Rj, no one bats an eyelash… there are literal hashtags of people bullying the real kid but that’s okay. His Instagram is filled with folks calling him the N word.Yet the moment someone says something true about judith, who is FICTIONAL!!! NOT A REAL HUMAN BEING.( her not being ricks, and being the product of Shane ) man they get soooo upset… and we all know why!

Rick wanted RJ… this isn’t the same for Judith, but he learned to love her.

RJ is ricks legacy, and Judith is not. Yt feminist are accustomed to seeing themselves as wanted, as desired, and when a melanated little boy was desired and planned for, and not the child of a love affair between a white Baby mama and her baby daddy… their true colors show. Historically and stereotypically, a baby mama was a black woman begging to be free… except Michonne is so loved, and chosen, and declared to be the love of ricks life. So often, a black woman has a baby with no support, a baby by a different man, yet Rick truly wanted and planned for his little namesake. Michonne was content, Rick is the one who Wanted RJ. So when you have a flipped narrative where Lori, a white woman is the baby mama to Shane, bringing a white child to Rick that by yt feminist standards, Rick should want her and not have mixed feelings like we saw him have in the beginning, considering he couldn’t even look at Judith when she was first born. (considering that a normal human would have a hard time accepting a child that will forever remind you of how shitty your wife and best friend were) usually it would be a black child in Judith’s shoes, but it’s not. Rick has two kids, and the black one was wanted, planned for in a two parent and healthy home that wasn’t toxic, unlike Judith, who comes from a background usually associated with blackness

They use exscuses like, “ he’s not badass he doesn’t do anything like Carl .” But let’s be honest. RJ is 7… we’ve never seen Carl that young.. yet we’ve seen Judith at Carls age, and yet she hasn’t done anything remotely cool like Carl. So if anyone’s got plot armor it’s her… or they’ll say, RJ had awkward lines, when his made the most sense as he always considered his father the brave man. That is the only thing he knew him as.

Listen, I love how Michonne loves Judith because she truly adopted her, not because she had to but because she wanted to…. But I am so happy that Rick, a white man who married a black woman wants his biracial son, cared about his personality, and not just whether he was alive or not, because it really is making these dude bros upset… and yt feminist

It’s the fact that you can make fun of any child on the show, but god forbid you make fun of Judith or say something that’s the true, it’s the end of the world… a hit dog gonna holler

Have you ever noticed.. it’s okay to say RJ doesn’t deserve the hat… despite him being a grimes. It’s okay to say “RJ live execution.” It’s okay to say that RJ is lame and weak, despite him being 7. But if you point out that Rick has a hard time accepting Judith in the beginning, if you point out that he dreams of Carl and Michonne to stay alive at the CRM, but dreaming of Judith never even crossed him mind… if you point out that everytime Rick asked about Judith it was only to ensure that she was alive… which is on brand considering he told Michonne, “ I had to accept that… so I could keep her alive.” Not so he could love her or bond with her… if you point out all these little nuggets that shows that Rick, a fictional man, struggled to accept a fictional child that will forever carry the DNA of Shane and Lori… suddenly every yt feminist within two mile radius becomes triggered.. I’m just sick of it. Truly I hope there is a S2, where RJ is older and more marketed… purely just to piss certain people off.

[yesimwriting]

Final Girl - Part 8

Series Masterlist (updated chapters 1 -9 and extras) Final Girl Masterlist

A/N this took awhile,, but i always want to put my best foot forward bc of how much this series means to me, which means i work when i’m in the right headspace for it and have the time to invest,, which hasn’t been lining up too much recently 😭 anyways i see all the supportive comments and appreciate them sm!!

also keep in mind that my priority is not the timeline, like if you’re feeling like the month before halloween is the longest month of all time,, it’s bc i want to give them bonding time before the heavy murder stuff! 

Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at the Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s/

Chapter Summary: Y/n tries to get back to normal and work on her friendships, but there’s nothing normal about surviving a serial killer attack, and it’s no one’s fault her friends keep noticing. She’s navigating the start of dealing with her trauma while also trying to be a good friend, especially since Billy hasn’t been feeling like himself lately. In a desperate attempt to feel like a normal, healthy teenager, Y/n crosses a personal boundary. 

----

My mom has often told me that in many ways, I was born as an old lady. 

She’d always say it after I tried being responsible. Suggesting that she give herself a curfew on weeknights, or at the very least, call if she was going to be late. Reminding her that there’s a reason people gave her the side eye when she took a visibly underage me into R-rated movies. 

Now that I’m older, I guess she was right in a lot of ways. I wasn’t the kid-iest kid, if that makes sense, but there was one thing I was always good at: playing dress up. 

With a mom like Gloria, it would have been hard not to. For years, my mom’s closet basically had the same magical properties as Disneyland. I thought that that mindset might have just been nine-year-old me, but apparently not, because Tatum and Sidney have been looking through it like it’s life changing. 

“Okay.” Tatum picks up one of my mom’s shimmery wrap and tosses it over her shoulder. “It’s official, when I die, I want to be buried here.”

I look over in time to watch her observe herself in the mirror. “Then I hope you live for a very long time.” 

She wrinkles her nose.  “That better not be the only reason.” 

“Course not, you know I love you very much, Tate-a-boo.” I make a quick kiss-y face, and Tatum almost giggles before returning the gesture. 

Turning away from my mom’s dresses, Sidney smiles. “Please, for all our sakes, don’t let Stu hear you say that.” 

After the joke settles, I practically snort. “Good point.” I step a little further into the closet, refocusing my attention. The only reason we’re all in here is because I wanted to borrow a pair of shoes before going out to the nail salon. It was Tatum’s idea, and the state of my cuticles made me agree. My social hibernation has not been good to them. “Okay, these are the shoes.” 

Sidney steps out of the closet to give me the space to do the same. I slip on the shoes, happy with how they look with my outfit and their level of comfortableness. My mom rarely buys any shoes for herself that aren’t heels, so she ends up taking anything that’s remotely comfortable from my closet. 

“I want to stay here.” Tatum’s hand brushes against the sleeve of something cashmere. “Maybe forever.” 

“And leave your nail beds like that?” Sid glances away from the full length mirror that’s right outside of my mom’s closet. She turns her attention to her reflection, adjusting the fluffiness of her always, almost magically perfect bangs.

Tatum halfheartedly glares before stepping out of the closet. “You’re such a liar.” She raises a hand, studying her palm while walking out of the closet. “You told me they looked fine yesterday.”

Sidney almost smiles before throwing me a look. A quick raise of eyebrows that seems to say got her. “We’re gonna be late.” 

----

The first nail appointment after awhile always feels like willingly volunteering to get a bunch of paper cuts. It’s not overwhelming painful, just a little irritating. After feels nice, though, now that my nails look fresh and I know I don’t have to worry about having my cuticles professionally gutted for a little bit. 

And being around Sidney and Tatum is nice. Familiar in a way that’s still new. It’s weird in a good way. Like I could start throwing around cheesy terms like BFF and it wouldn’t even be dumb. It’d still be ironic, but I think they’d get the sentiment. It’s not that I’ve never had good friends, but this is different. A little more open.

Like right now we’re in Sidney’s room and we’re not talking about anything in particular, just going off of whatever comes up. I could probably say the dumbest thing in the world right now and it wouldn’t even feel unfitting or awkward. 

“...Shut up, he was not that bad.” Tatum’s trying to sound more upset than she is. Somehow Sidney found a way to tell me about Tatum’s first boyfriend. A total middle school romance--they even went to the 8th grade dance together and held hands and had their first kiss under the bleachers. Sounds cute enough, but according to Sidney he was a total weirdo. Even by 8th grade boy standards. “He wasn’t.” 

Sidney laughs again, the movement has her arm bumping into mine. “He tried to eat a live lizard because Stu dared him.” 

“No way.” I snort. “Your first kiss was with a lizard eater?” 

Tate sighs, dropping her head against the side of the mattress and crossing her legs on the floor. “Tried. It ran away and no one ever found it.” That’s still objectively hilarious. I can’t picture Tatum with anyone that out there, but then again, she is with Stu. 

Not that he reminds me of an 8th grade boy trying to eat a lizard, but he was the one that came up with the idea. “Maybe Stu ate it.” 

Tatum glares, halfheartedly shoving my leg as Sidney clasps a hand over her mouth to avoid laughing too hard. “I’ll ask him.” 

It’s strange to picture them like that. A little younger, growing up together. “So you guys knew each other back then and now...” 

She shrugs, “I don’t know...it just kind of happened. He was always hooking up with or seeing any girl with a pulse and I didn’t even see him like that until after--” She cuts herself off with no warning. “You know Sidney and Billy have a way nicer getting together story.” Tate snaps her head up to look at Sidney, whose expression immediately shifts. “Right, Sid?” 

Sidney’s eyes briefly meet mine. There’s a bit of uneasiness there that I don’t get. What could the end of Tatum’s thought have been? What could she have been about to say that might have been--oh. 

“Yeah,” she agrees, “Billy and I were hanging out for weeks--” 

“You can say her name.” My throat feels drier than it did a second ago. “I won’t freak out if you mention Casey. Promise.” 

Tatum’s eyes briefly shut. “That’s--” She doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. I’m right. Why wouldn’t she think I’d freak out? After the way I acted at that party. “No one would blame you if you did.” 

It’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter when you’re not the one that has melt downs. “Yeah.” 

There’s a brief stretch of awkward silence, the light mood now tainted by the exact thing that’s kept me away from my friends for so long. Maybe keeping to myself was about more than the safety of others--maybe I don’t want anyone to know what I’m like now. 

“It’d be weirder if you weren’t a little messed up about it.” Tatum hums the words with such casualness I can’t help but laugh, even when Sidney snaps her head to the side to give her a seriously look. “I’m serious, only a total psycho would be able to see that and jump back into things.” 

Sidney sits up a little more, “And you took the SAT a week after it all happened. You’re doing a lot better than most people would be doing.” 

I nod, glad that they’re at least good at pretending that I’m not a total mess. “Yeah, guess I’m just sensitive about it because I freaked out on Noel at that party.” Ugh. That’s been something I’ve been trying really hard to forget. “He probably thinks I’m a total freak.” My eyes squeeze shut at the memory of the party. I had been a total mess. I flip flopped on murder accusations like it was nothing and nearly ran to Casey’s house in the middle of the night. “He’s probably told everyone I’m a total freak.” 

“You don’t know that.” Sidney’s nice for trying to comfort me, but it’s not the best argument. She picks up on my expression because she then immediately tacks on, “Okay, let’s be logical--why would he do that?” 

“Why wouldn’t he after the way I acted?” Ugh. Every guy that knows him is going to think I’m a complete weirdo. This is what I get for trying to date. “And it’s not like he called after. He hasn’t even talked to me in class since.” 

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together briefly before her hands move off of her lap and land on her comforter. She pushes herself to stand. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” 

“Noel’s a total scrub. You’re better off.” Tatum stands too, scratching the back of her arm once. She approaches the bag she abandoned near Sidney’s door, “I brought that eyeshadow I was telling you about. The sparkly, blue one that makes everyone look like Baby Spice.” 

She exhales what’s almost a laugh and I find myself not being able to answer. That does sound like something I’d normally happily go along with. Even though Tatum tends to go for a more subtle look on the day to day, she has a solid makeup collection. Lots of trendy shimmers and bright colors that are fun to swatch and mess around with. But there’s something about the way she said it...breezed away from one topic to this.

And the way Sidney just got up like she was hoping that’d change something. I sit up a little straighter, trying to remember what it’s like to not feel paranoid all the time.

Sidney stops adjusting her hair and messing with her bangs in the mirror. “Or we could hold off on that and go to the video store.” Another change to a topic that normally I’d be all over. “I think Randy’s working, we could bug him a little and get something to watch later.” 

Okay, another thing I’d normally want to do. It has been a minute since I’ve gotten to annoy Randy, and the itch is definitely there. Maybe they’re just trying to be good friends and cheer me up, but they’re spitting out suggestions in a way that feels like they’re really hoping one will stick.

 “Are--do you guys know something about something?” Ugh. If this is my paranoia acting up, I’ll never recover. Why can’t I just go along with things? “I don’t know if it’s me and my head, but you’re acting kinda weird.” 

“No, we’re just--” Sidney’s eyes don’t stay on me, they shift over to Tatum for the briefest second. I blink and almost convince myself I’ve imagined it. “You’re not crazy, we just don’t want to stress you out.” 

I push myself onto my feet. “That is the worst thing you can say to someone you don’t want to stress out.”

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together like she’s worried. I almost feel bad for pushing. “Noel not talking to you isn’t an accident or your fault.” 

“Sid.” I snap my head in Tatum’s direction. She hesitates beneath my stare and gives in with a sigh, “Okay, Noel’s a player who brags about crushing girls’ virginities and breaking up with them the next day. He talks about every girl he’s dated like they’re some kind of car and there are even worse things written about him in the handicap stall of the second floor bathroom.” Tatum pauses, considering how she’s going to word what actually happened. “You’re going through a lot right now and that’s the last thing you need, and we were worried about you, so we talked to Stu and Billy and basically...got Noel to back off.” 

Oh my god. The embarrassment, anger, and shock are all fighting for dominance in my mind, but none of them overpower the other so the feeling is just really fucking bad. All I can picture is Billy and Stu talking to Noel like I’m some little kid or someone with brain damage that can’t make their own choices. 

“You guys suck!” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand, exhaustion cutting into my irritation. “Like really suck. I’m not some child that can’t make her own decisions.” Ugh--I can’t even decide how to react. “It’s not like I was going to marry him or anything.” 

Tatum watches me with a certain level of uncertainty. I don’t think I’ve ever snapped at her or Sidney before. “You’re not exactly a casual dater.” 

“Well--I-I could have been.” It feels awkward, almost reluctant, and I hate myself for it. She’s technically right. I’ve never casually dated, but I’ve never seriously dated either, so it probably wouldn’t kill me. “Either way, it might have been a mistake, but it was my mistake to make.”

“I know, Y/n,” Sidney breathes the words slowly, “We didn’t mean anything by it, it wasn’t like a whole scheme or anything it just--” She’s trying, really trying. “We wanted to help you.” 

I didn’t need help, I was fine. The genuine hint of worry in her tone keeps me from pointing that out. I just stare at her and then at Tatum. Why does it matter anyways? Everyone gets to be normal and do dumb things and have people they’re close with and relationships and all I have is the stupid ‘almost murdered’ label. 

“Why does it matter enough for you to--” I cut myself off, not sure what I’m really asking or what I mean. 

Tatum lets out a small sigh, the sound almost reluctant, maybe a tiny bit annoyed that she even has to talk about this. “Because you’re our friend,” she half shrugs like what she’s saying should have been assumed , “And we love you.” She presses her lips together briefly, “Duh.” 

Sidney throws a look in Tatum’s direction, “Yeah, we love you so much we were willing to risk you being super mad at us because we were worried.” Sidney pauses to take a breath. “We shouldn’t have done it behind your back, and in the future we won’t meddle.”

When I don’t ease, Tatum tacts on, “If it makes things any better, Stu’s normally a total guy’s guy about this kind of thing and even he thinks Noel’s a total creep.” She scratches the back of her wrist, “And those two never care about this stuff, so, boohoo, we all love you.” 

Okay, that doesn’t exactly fix things but it does take the edge off just a tiny bit. They all go way back, and that’s intimidating. And Tatum’s trying to be funny about it, layering on the sarcasm so that I’ll laugh. I hate that it’s almost working. “Well, as long as it’s just everyone being obsessed with me...” The joke feels like a bit of a betrayal, so I tact on something else, “I’m still mad, though.” That feels even weaker. I’m too in my head about all of it and still pretty embarrassed despite the fact that I didn’t do anything. It won’t last forever, but right now, it’s all feeling like too much. The safety of my bedroom feels miles away instead of the few blocks it actually is. “I think I-I’m gonna...” 

“No,” Tatum huffs, “It wasn’t supposed to be a thing.” She tilts her head to the side, silky blonde hair bouncing with the motion. “We haven’t seen you in forever and it was more Stu and Billy’s thing, they’ve been ready to start a thing with him since like the 9th grade.” 

More Stu and Billy’s thing? That almost makes sense for Billy, who Noel casually suggested could be a murderer. But Stu? Noel seemed to like him well enough. Maybe it’s a loyalty thing. I can see Billy and Stu having a bit of package deal friendship. You can’t hate on one without becoming enemy of the other. And with how generally protective Stu seems to be over his friends, it’d make sense. 

But still. I am not a bargaining chip or an excuse or someone that needs their approval on who I do or don’t date.

“Let’s do whatever you want to do and then if you’re still mad, we can invite them over and you can yell at them.” 

Tatum almost smiles, “You’re good at that.” 

That...feels a little weird. “I’m good at yelling?” 

“No, it’s like when you told off that reporter. One minute, you’re normal, but then, when you need to be--bam! You’re super bitch.” 

I laugh, this time it’s genuine. “Super bitch strikes again.” The exit is still close, and some nervous part of me wants to cling to the out. I’m not sure if it’s out of some form of fear or genuine anger or both. But I do want to stay around them a little longer and go take way too long renting a video just to annoy Randy. “If I get to pick what we do, I say we go bother Randy and get a movie. He’s had it easy for too long.” 

Sid half scoffs at my ominous tone. “How do you know?” 

"Knowing whether or not Randy needs to be annoyed is my superpower.” 

----

The video rental is surprisingly empty for early Thursday evening. Schools are out and it’s close enough to the weekend where normally there are more people stopping by to check out what they want to watch in advance. Today doesn’t reflect that. Good to know that my Randy distress radar is still in tact. 

There’s an older man adjusting the latest release aisle, changing out movies. He’s the only employee that I see as I scan over the store and a part of me nearly deflates. Sidney did say she thought Randy would be working and I have no way of knowing. Our friendship has also been a victim to my recent hermit ways, and it’s likely suffered more than my connection with anyone else. At least my other friends are in a couple of my classes or need to walk down the same hallways. Most of Randy’s classes aren’t near mine and we only share a study hall, which he often uses as an excuse to leave early in order to get to work. Meaning that most days I only see him during lunch. 

The door to the back swings open and behind a cart of VHS tapes, there’s a familiar face. Randy. I find myself smiling as I approach the counter he’s coming up from behind. 

“Excuse me,” he glances up, a bit of surprise causing him to raise his eyebrows, “I was wondering if you have a copy of Child’s Play 2, but not the original, the extended cut with the alternate ending, Sorority House Massacre, uncut, duh, and/or Fox’s original version of Clueless.” 

Randy blinks, unfazed by my bullshit. “I’ve been around you too long to fall for that last one.” 

I almost laugh. I can’t believe Randy remembers my rant about the developmental nightmare that was the original Clueless pitch. Fox wanted a TV show, but they got a movie instead, and that took way too long for no reason. I had talked about it a lot longer than I meant to the other day at school. “You caught it.” 

“Decoys are always more obvious than they seem to the person making them.” It feels like some kind of movie rule reference, vague enough for me to get how it applies but not so random I feel the need to ask. “So are you here to rent something or make my job harder?” 

“A little of both.” Turning my head, I gesture to where Sidney and Tatum are. They’re in the same aisle, backs to each other as they scan through options. “We wanted something to watch and Sidney said she thought you’d be working today.” I tap my nails against the counter. “And I had this feeling that things have probably been too easy for you.”

Randy’s lips turn upwards but it feels a little different than a smile. “Yeah, nothing but peace since you...” 

“Became a total paranoid PTSD recluse?” 

He half shrugs, “Jack Torrence.” I roll my eyes, a little relieved that Randy’s joking about it instead of pressing. It’s part of the reason he’s a good friend to have. “You’re feeling better, though, right?” 

Spoke a little too soon, but that’s an okay question. It’s not invasive, it’s just an offer. “Getting there.” 

Randy nods, taking in the answer for what feels like a little too long for two words. Maybe he’s feeling the honesty of what does seem like a cop out answer. I’m not over it by any means, but feeling better is a process that’s starting to work. “That’s good.” He pushes the cart slightly before pulling back to place. “You’re good.” Randy lets out a breath, tugging and pushing the cart again. “I mean--deserve to feel good and normal.” 

I grin at the stumble in words. It’s rare that we’re openly nice to each other instead of acting like little kids after one pulls the other’s hair. “I get what you mean.” 

His lips part, but no words come out. Randy’s eyebrows draw together as his mouth shuts. What is--a firm touch on my shoulder snaps the question out of me. My head turns and some kind of comment about being rude to people in line rises and immediately falls back down. Stu! And then I remember my earlier conversation and it feels a lot more like: Oh. Stu. 

It’s such an instant flip that for a second I don’t react. Stu pulls his arm around me in a quick attempt at a side hug, but I’m so stiff it’s more like being shoved into him. “Look who’s here.” 

Bumping into him is by no means new to me. Small town, same friends, some overlap in hobbies. But this time it’s different. I promised myself that Stu and Billy would get scolded for meddling as soon as possible, but I didn’t expect run into him in public. It’s like being a parent with a child that’s misbehaving in church. You can’t do anything but redirect until you get to the car. 

Stu drops his arm back to his side. “Thought you were doing something with Tatum and Sid?” 

“They’re over there,” I gesture vaguely with a tilt of my head, trying to seem casual. I might not be willing to get into the whole Noel thing in front of Randy and the suburban mom trying to settle a dispute between two kids who can’t decide which movie to get, but Stu probably is. “I wouldn’t look too closely, girls’ night movies might make you sick.” 

Stu misses by just a second. He does wrinkle his nose in a display of the kind of good humor I’d expect from him, but it doesn’t feel as natural. There’s nothing wrong about his reaction, it just feels lacking. Missing his usual brand of energy. “I have no issue with girls’ night movies.” 

Clearly, I’ve been spending too much time with him because I get the joke instantly. Now it’s my turn to cringe. “Why do I even talk to you?” 

“Because, buggsie, your life would be so boring without me.” The nickname does make my expression warp, but this time it’s more like trying to keep in a laugh than anything else. “If your only movie influence was Randy, you’d be a lot less likable.” 

Randy sighs. “Keep telling yourself that.”

The words are just a little too sharp. They’re good enough friends in some senses. Not two I’d guess hang alone together, but I like to think at the end of the day they like co-existing. That doesn’t mean they don’t bicker from time to time in a way that feels different than when Randy and I fight like little kids or Stu and I fight like an old married couple too lazy to get divorced. 

“No need to be bitter, dude,” Stu’s hand is back around my shoulder, “I gave you a whole five minutes.” That was a weird thing to say. Random, and not in a fun sort of way, but before I can ask, Stu’s pulling me forward. “You want to help me sneak up on Tay?” 

I throw Randy a look that hopefully communicates my level of confusion and some sort of see you later. “Uh...” Stu’s already turning like I’ve answered, “Sure?” 

When we’re finally closer to the shelves than the counter, Stu lets me go, his hand sliding down my arm a little before retracting. “So you go up to Tatum, talk to her, keep her distracted, and I’ll sneak up behind her.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He’s moving along so quickly and casually, but I’m still fixed on that last comment to Randy. It wasn’t banter-y and Randy didn’t say anything back, which feels a little weird. “That last thing you said, the five minute thing?”

Stu barely pauses, head tilting in a way that feels confused. “Oh. Gave him five minutes to make a move, but you know Randy, not a closer.”

It’s said casually enough that I could think Stu’s being serious, but there’s also a hum of sarcasm in there. And what he’s saying does feel too unrealistic to not be a joke. Randy and I are completely platonic, there’s no way he sees me like that. Plus, I’d like to think that if a guy I’m around that regularly liked me in any sort of way, I’d have at least somewhat picked up on it. 

“Shut up,” I shove Stu’s arm, “You’re not funny.”

He holds his hands up in defense briefly. “Don’t shoot the messenger.” 

It’s said casual enough that I’m finally given a second to think. The nagging voice at the back of my head is finally given the opportunity to remind me that I’m supposed to be mad at him. Or, at the very least, irritated until I can tell him off for trying to make decisions for me behind my back. 

“Interesting that you mention shooting you, be--” 

“Ouch,” Stu hums, a little too pointedly, “Thought we were all good, angel.” I press my lips together, staring at the ground to avoid giving him anything to latch onto. “I’ve been on best behavior. Minding my business, just here to check something out.”

I stop, a motion I think is subtle enough but Stu picks up on it immediately. He turns and grabs my wrist. The contact is sudden enough to force me to look up. Stu’s watching me, his expression seems innocent, and not in that pretend way either. There’s a hint of confusion behind his eyes. I’m not sure I entirely believe it, but I think it’s possible that what I’m mad about isn’t coming to mind. He has no reason to think I’d know about it. 

His hold is firm and oddly warm and bordering on distracting. 

“Stu,” Tatum’s cheery voice snaps the two of us out of our stand off.

He pulls away quickly, eyes falling on Tatum. “There’s my girl.” Stu pulls her into a hug and gives her a quick kiss. “Y/n was going to help me sneak up and surprise you, but she’s in a mood.” 

Ugh. Stu has a way of dismissing any type of reaction that doesn’t work for him as me being in a mood or pouting. “I am not in a mood.” 

“Give her a break.” Stu’s hands are still on her. “Y/n found out about the Noel thing.”My gaze instinctually shifts back to Stu. His easygoing grin falters. Tatum smiles at him with a coy look that I guess could be interpreted as some kind of apology. “Don’t get moody, she pulled it out of us.” 

It takes him a second, but Stu eventually eases off of her. He doesn’t look as content as before, but his expression hints at nothing else besides casual annoyance. “She can’t be too mad if she’s still hanging around you and Sid.” 

“I got to tell them both off already.” 

Stu turns, something smug tugging his face into an almost smile. It’s infuriating. “If that’s what you’re into, babe.” 

Tatum scoffs and halfheartedly smacks his shoulders. “You’ve been around long enough that I don’t have to apologize for him anymore, right?”

“Right.” 

Stu lets out a breath, “Geez, you two sure act like you love me.” 

I am so not in the mood to say anything nice about Stu in front of him. “Maybe if you minded your business a little more--” 

“Okay,” Tatum pushes herself into the budding argument and looks at me. “Save your energy for when there’s two of them.” Good point. If I yelled at Stu and Billy separately every time they messed up, I’d be yelling constantly. Tatum’s attention shifts back to Stu, “Is he around? Sid’s around the corner.” 

Stu shakes his head once. “Nah, it’s still early and he only said he might call. He’s been a little out of it.” 

Billy’s out of it? And out of it enough to not be around Stu for once? It’s not like they’re literally attached at the hip but a weekend evening where both me and their girlfriends are busy and they’re not hanging out together? That in itself hints at something being wrong. 

I think through the last I heard from Billy, but nothing particularly stands out. He might have briefly mentioned his dad but not in a concerning way. Not in a way that indicated he’d have to spend extra time with him or anything.

Billy has also been weirdly absent. No recent warning-less appearances at my window. Has he been going through something and I’m just too caught up in my personal issues to notice? God, this serial killer nonsense has turned me into a terrible friend. 

“He okay?” 

Stu’s eyes flit up to meet mine. “You might want to hold off on the scolding, but last time I checked in, yeah. Just all angsty, you know how Billy gets.” 

I blink. Last time he checked in. Maybe I’m idealizing their friendship too much, but I’ve always felt like they were looking out for each other. Closer than Stu’s current reaction warrants. Or maybe I’m overthinking things and Billy’s just taking some time. He doesn’t seem the type to want to talk about fuzzy things like feelings. 

“We were going to ask you guys to come over, but if he’s not up for it, that’s okay,” Tatum says, “You can still come by later, but I think you should check in on him.” 

Now I’m starting to feel antsy. Like I should go check in on Billy, but I don’t even know what that’d look like. The realization that I’ve never been to Billy’s house hits hard and with no warning. Whenever we all hang out, it’s at my place or someone else’s, and when it’s the three of us we go to Stu’s and sometimes my house. The thought rubs me the wrong way, like this one thing is pulling on the threads of our friendship. 

He’s one of my best friends and I can’t even say I know what his room looks like. 

“I’ll probably stop by soon.” 

That makes me frown. Probably. Soon. 

“Oh, that reminds me.” Tatum’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “Dewey wanted me to give you a head’s up that he’ll be trying to meet with you soon. He wants to go over some....stuff.” 

Ugh, this again. I can’t escape it. “Yeah. He has my number, Dewey can call whenever, but the warning was nice.” 

Stu shifts back like he doesn’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “He wants to talk to her again?” He’s more offended than I am. “What? It’s not like anything’s changed.” 

Tatum shrugs, “I don’t know. Dewey doesn’t give me the details.” 

“Unless they have new evidence, they shouldn’t be dragging her back into it just because they don’t know shit.”

I should tell him to drop it. That this is my business and maybe it’s time we establish some firmer boundaries, but I can’t get the words to form. The whole thing feels hypocritical. I should be annoyed, but I’m not because he’s saying what I can’t. 

It’s brief, but for a second it almost feels like Stu might be the closest to someone that gets what it feels like. The irony is insane, considering that there’s no way that empathy’s his strong suit. 

“I don’t know. It’s not my thing.” 

Tatum is understandably a little defensive, which is fair. Especially when considering our earlier conversation. This isn’t fair to her. “It’s okay.” The words feel like a flat cop out compared to Stu’s instinctual defense. “It’s not Tatum’s fault and Dewey was really nice about it last time--” 

“Last time? You mean when they ambushed you at the hospital before they let you take visitors?” 

My stomach knots at that. The feeling of waking up there, confused and unaware of what I’d just been through and then being made to feel like I was completely alone while Billy and Stu were waiting outside for me. “That’s not his fault.” A dry defense. “It sucks, but it’s for the greater good and it won’t take long.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or him. “It’s okay.” 

Stu half sighs. “I’m going to grab my movie and head out, maybe stop by Billy’s.” He tuns to give Tatum a brief goodbye kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll see you soon, Y/n. Make sure you get to yell at me before it builds too much.” 

At that, I roll my eyes but still wave him off. 

---- 

My eyes are on the phone again, staring down the extension on my nightstand like it’s keeping things from me. 

Ugh. This is ridiculous. I snap my attention back to the homework in front of me. Some extra credit for my math class. It’s an attempt at damage control because the test I had to take the morning after being attacked by a serial killer is seriously bringing down my GPA. Too bad calc has never been my strong suit. The distraction that is my inability to move on from what Stu said is definitely not helping. 

Even after Sidney, Tatum, and I left the video store, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Stu’s uncertainty and what Billy could be going through. Maybe Stu was playing down how much he knows because Billy didn’t want anyone else knowing. I could see that. Hope for that since the thought of Billy locking himself in his room and dealing with whatever it is completely alone tugs at my heart.  

I could call. He might not answer, but that’s okay. It might make me feel better to just do something and it’s not like I’ve never called him. There’s also the more extreme option of showing up to his place. I’ve never been to his house,  but he’s pointed it out before. Even though I physically could get there, that feels like too much. If I’ve never been over, it’s probably for a reason.

There’s also Stu. I could call him to ask about Billy. He’s more likely to tell me about how Billy’s doing than Billy. But that also feels weird for no reason. Again, it’s not like I never call them. 

I glance over at the digital clock on my desk. 7:56. Okay--it’s not too late. Not weirdly late. 

I stand before I can think about it too much, walking over to the phone. If it’s going to be distracting, I should just get it over with. Maybe having some kind of answer will make it easier to focus on things.

The phone rings about three times before there’s an answer. “Yeah?” 

“Hey.” Okay, that one word feels super awkward for no reason. “Hi--it’s um--” Be more normal. It’s just Stu. “It’s Y/n.” 

A quick breath that feels more like a laugh than it sounds. “Yeah, I figured that out.” Great, now he’s making fun of me. “I also know why you’re calling.” 

“Really?” 

I can feel his amusement over the phone. “You can’t stop thinking about me and want me to come over.”

I snort as soon as the words wash over me. What was I expecting? “You figured it out. This is a booty call.” 

Stu sort of laughs. “Yeah? I can be over in five.”

Pressing my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, I sit up a little more. “Loser.” I reach over for a pillow and pull it on to my lap. “Okay, so actual reason, I was trying to do something for calc, so obviously my mind was wandering and thinking about literally anything else.” 

“Obviously.” 

My fingers brush the fluff of the pillow’s exterior. I brush the strands flat and then back into little spikes of hair. “And at some point, I started thinking about what you said at the video store. About Billy.”

There’s a brief silence, and then another one of Stu’s breathy-accidental-laughs. “Aw, you’re worried.” Ugh. “That’s cute, angel, I’ll make sure to tell him.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport.” 

My nose wrinkles at that, nails smothering my pillow’s layer of fluff. “Is he okay or not?” 

For a second, the only thing coming from the other side of the phone is the general static of someone’s movement. “Bossy.” I roll my eyes, but before I can tell him to spare me tonight, Stu continues, “Why didn’t you just call Billy?” 

It’s a fair question, which only bugs me more. “Because there’s no way to call someone and ask if they’re okay based on a passing comment without sounding insane.” 

I pinch the thin hairs of my pillows between my thumb and index finger. “And it’s less insane this way?”

Feels like it. “Kinda, yeah.” 

“Don’t worry your pretty head about it. Billy’s fine, he’ll be back to his usual levels of brooding soon. Promise.” I don’t know what to make of that, so I just focus on my pillow. “It might help if you called him tomorrow. Let him sleep it off for a little longer.”

That’s probably a good suggestion. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” My eyes drift back to the still open textbook on my desk. My mom is out with Wells so I can’t even use her as an excuse to not be doing this right now. I briefly bite my tongue to give myself a second to think through what I’m considering. “You um--are you doing anything right now?” Even more awkward. Great. “I could really use an excuse to not work on calc right now.” 

“Now it’s a booty call.” 

Being friends with him is so annoying sometimes. “I hate you.”

“Ouch,” a brief shuffling before he speaks again, “You know I love distracting you--” I roll my eyes. “But tonight’s--” 

“Shit, is Tatum over or something?” A hand flies over my mouth. Of course I’d call at a time where he had someone over and be a total mess. “I’m sorry.” 

Some more static before a response, “No, it’s--” He sighs once. “Billy’s here and he’s--” Oh. My embarrassment is definitely doubling, but there’s still some relief there. At least he’s not alone. “Maybe you should come over, help cheer him up.”

“You’re kind of an asshole for not mentioning that earlier.” I push the throw pillow off my lap and let my back fall onto my cocoon of larger pillows. “And it’s fine, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him or anything.” 

“No,” Stu’s answer is quick but feels a little flat. Almost worried. “You--I think it’d be good for him to see you.” There’s still a bit of hesitance there, like Stu’s not telling me the full story. Maybe he can’t. “We rented a few movies and I think I might still have those sour gummy things you like.” 

I really do love sour gummies. “Is Billy okay with it?” 

“It’s my house, bug.” When I don’t say anything, Stu sighs, “Kidding. C’mon, he loves you.” I don’t know why I’m debating so much, it was my idea, but now it feels a little intrusive of me. “And we’re a lot more fun than calculus.” 

“Not a high bar you’re setting there.” Stu pointedly scoffs. “Okay--if you’re sure Billy’s okay with it, I’ll be over in a few.”

“Need to go ask your mommy?” 

I’m already pushing myself to my feet. “Shut up.” An ‘at least I have a parent that gives a shit’ nearly slips out and I just barely manage to bite my tongue. That’d be like reacting to a playful shove with a punch to the face. Besides, my mom’s not a factor right now. She and Wells are out to dinner with some friends. She left me with a 20 to order pizza and maybe rent a movie. “I can still not go.” 

Stu chooses to ignore the (empty) threat, “See you soon, babe.” 

I push open the door of my closet and search through it as quickly as possible. It’s not like I need to get dressed up to go to Stu’s, but my stained pajama pants from the ninth grade and practically threadbare tank top aren’t things I wear out of the house. Especially now that fall is making evenings a lot chillier. “I don’t get our friendship.”

“I keep you supplied with those awful sour gummies.”

I smile despite myself, grabbing something out of my closet. “That explains it.” Bending down, I pick up another article of clothing. “See you soon.” 

----

“There she is.”

Stu pulls me into a hug before I can think to react. He’s always so warm and everywhere. I think it has to do with his smell. It sounds weird but he’s so consistent about it. Enough expensive laundry detergent to drown out most of the usual teen boy body spray musk to a level that’s tolerable and sharpens the slight hint of weed that seems to cling to him. Even that is balanced. Subtle unless you know to think about it. But now it’s a little more overwhelming than usual...fresher. 

Like he just finished a joint. I stare at him for a second and while his eyes seem mostly normal, there’s a bit of a red tinge there. If it wasn’t for the smell of weed, I wouldn’t have noticed. “Are you high?” 

The corner of Stu’s mouth pulls up into an almost smile. He’s amused. “That’s a fun way to greet me.” I give him a pointed look. “Mmm...maybe a little.” Stu extends an arm, halfheartedly punching me in the shoulder. Instead of dropping his arm like usual, Stu relaxes his fist in order to squeeze the top of my arm. “What gave me away, angel?”

“With you, it’s always a safe guess.” He sort of frowns, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Kidding. You smell like a dispensary.” 

Stu squeezes my arm a little harder. “Judgy.” He tilts his head slightly. “And here I was going to offer you some.” 

“No one likes me when I’m high.” That’s true enough. I get all paranoid and clingy. Randy won’t even smoke around me if we’re alone just in case. 

He half scoffs. “Nah, that’s just for people that don’t know how to handle you.” 

Handle me? I’m about to give him some sarcastic answer, but when my eyes meet his, the reaction freezes over. He’s staring at me with a concentration that feels more prominent than his hand on my arm. I don’t know why, but I feel the need the redirect and break the silence. “Where’s Billy?” 

“In my room.” Stu swings a hand around my shoulder and starts guiding me forward. “C’mon, he’ll be happy to see you.” 

I should shrug Stu off of me, but it feels easier to just let him. Besides, there are other things to worry about. From the vagueness Stu’s been handling mentions of Billy with, I half expect him to be in a straight jacket or something. “He--he does know I’m here, right?” 

The only answer I get is Stu placing a hand on his bedroom door once we reach it. He releases me to push open it open. “Hey, feeling any better?” Billy doesn’t get a chance to reply before Stu continues, “Because I brought you a present.” 

Weird...and kind of objectifying, but in a weird way. It’s not so much the words, but the way he’s saying them. This is definitely an ambush. Stu pushes the door open all the way before I can really react. I still make a point of smacking his arm. “Don’t make it weird.” 

I turn my head towards Stu’s room. Billy is in there, sitting with his back against the headboard and he’s looking at me but there’s little recognition. It’s more like he’s seeing through me. I want to assume it’s part of some kind of side effect of being high, but I can’t quite get myself to dismiss it as something so casual.

Any fight directed at Stu evaporates into the air and morphs into this weird veil of tension. Not good or bad. Just heavy and full, bleeding through the room and into the hall where I’m still standing. 

“Hi,” it feels like an attempt at cutting through the harshness, “I heard you were feeling bad so I thought I’d come back and make you feel worse.” 

Billy’s eyebrows draw together slightly, like he’s considering how to react. He settles on a, “Yeah?” It feels smaller than the way he usually is. 

I swallow my instinctual reaction. “Yeah--things aren’t looking too good in Iraq and everyone’s getting too comfortable with nuclear bombs.” 

The corner of his mouth turns up into an almost smile. It’s not quite there, but the thawing of the icy layer behind his gaze is cracking. “Anything else?”

“I still think the Princess Diana divorce is kind of a bummer.” 

Stu sighs dramatically. “Of course you’re on her side.” 

“There is no other side, Charles is the worst.” 

Stu walks fully into his room and practically flops onto his bed. His head hits Billy’s calf and Billy throws him a dirty look before adjusting. “Charles is next in line for the throne. That entitles him to all the girls he wants. That’s just history.”

I wrinkle my nose and halfheartedly glare at him. “He’s also probably inbred.”

Billy sits up a little further, reaching for what I’m assuming is a joint. “Definitely inbred.”

The small vouch of support is strangely easing.

Stu tilts his head to look at me briefly. “You two deserve each other.”

“Don’t pout.” Maybe not my smartest joke, but it’s too easy to pass up on. 

He props his head up just to glare at me. “I can still kick you out.”

I roll my eyes and Billy wordlessly extends what he’s been smoking. Stu reaches for it absentmindedly and Billy moves his arm away. “You need to slow down.” 

Stu doesn’t protest, which has to be a byproduct of his easy high. I’m so distracted by that it takes a second for it to click. If Billy isn’t handing off the joint to Stu, he’s trying to give it to me...the person who’s going to be around their mom and a cop before the night’s over. 

“Can’t tonight.” I’m so going to get bullied for this, “My mom would know immediately, and then she’d kill all three of us.” 

Billy sits up a little more, not fully taking his hand back but relaxing it a little. Stu drops his head back down, accidentally landing on Billy’s leg. I suppress a laugh when Billy lazily shrugs Stu off. It doesn’t work, because Stu still glares at me as he curls into himself slightly. “You could stay over, sleep it off.”

Maybe Stu’s more high than I thought. I take a step forward, feeling awkward about the distance. “I don’t see how that helps the my mom killing us all thing.” 

“You could call her from my home phone, tell her you’re staying over at Sidney’s or Tay’s.” Stu doesn’t wait for my response before stretching out an arm in my direction. “Come here.” 

It feels a little bit like a trap, but at the same time, standing this close to the door is probably weirder than anything Stu’s going to try. I walk forward and sit down on the edge of his bed. Stu smiles lazily and adjusts so that his legs are on my lap. They’re long. He’s basically an arachnid. 

With Stu, a firm approach is usually best, but this seems harmless enough so I don’t kick him off of me. “You’re like a spider.”

He laugh-scoffs, stretching even further. “Like a daddy long legs.”

There’s a weird attempt at sultriness in his words. It’s so stupid I can’t hep the terrible laugh that comes out. “Shut up. You’re so gross.” Now I do want him off of me. He won’t move so I try dragging myself back a little. All that does is make me bump into Billy’s arm. “Sorry.” 

Dismissing my apologetic look with a short wave of the hand still holding the joint, Billy sits up even more, angling himself towards me. “You should be.” It’s sarcastic, but still oddly flat, like Billy’s putting work into being a part of the conversation.

Stu, clearly feeling forgotten, softly kicks his leg. “Your sobriety’s bringing old Billy Boy back down.” 

I lean back, ignoring the way my fingers brush against Billy’s. “I promise me being high would only depress him more.” 

“I like you high,” Billy muses flatly, “You get all jumpy.” 

I roll my eyes, trying to straighten to pull my hand back but Billy doesn’t let me get that far. His hand turns over and pulls his fingers between my own. It’s a casual enough attempt to pull me back into place, but his eyes are so quick to meet mine. There’s something almost nervous about the shift, and vaguely familiar. An uncertain, begrudging request for reassurance I’ve come to associate with people going through some sort of depressive episode. 

“That was one time,” I mumble, “And it was because you guys are assholes and didn’t tell me that it was extra strong.” 

Stu’s leg moves again, “It wasn’t extra strong, we just didn’t pace you.” 

“Either way--assholes.” 

Billy moves his thumb along my knuckles. “We’ll be nice this time.” He takes a deliberate hit and exhales the smoke in a way that lingers. I can feel the smell of it, a paranoid part of me thinking it’s already caught up in my hair and clothes and skin. Like my mom will just be able to tell already. Maybe it is already too late. 

And it’d upset her. She’s already worried enough about how I’m handling all the killer stuff, if she thinks I’m acting out and smoking she’ll probably freak. This also wouldn’t be the first time I did something like this and didn’t tell her...or the first time I stayed over at a friend’s house to sleep something off. 

It’s also objectively nice to be around them. Also, Billy’s whole slightly off thing is something I’ve definitely seen before. The familiarity finally clicks into place, a few memories of my mother from when I was younger. Bad ones, days in which things slipped through the cracks before my mom was diagnosed and started managing that part of herself.

“Even if you don’t smoke, you should call your mom...stay over.” Billy gets the words out stiffly, like some invisible force was trying to shove them back down his throat. “Keep me from being alone with that one.”

Stu lets out a sound that’s sounds a lot like a tired “fuck off”. The casual disapproval makes me smile.

Billy takes another, much shorter hit. I let myself observe the process. The way the smoke goes in, how he holds it in, and finally the way he forces it out. Billy wordlessly turns the joint around in a silent offering. I give in with an exhale and reach over. Billy doesn’t let me get that far, moving so that his fingers are almost to my mouth. I part my lips and let him hold the joint there as I inhale. He doesn’t give me long before taking it back. He runs his thumb along my knuckles. “Hold.” I struggle, but follow through. “Good. Now breathe.” 

I let it out with a slight cough.

“There ya go,” Stu mumbles, patiently dragging his leg up my thigh. “You’ll feel better.” I wish I had more experience with smoking outside of them. If I did, I’d have a reference point to tell me if Stu’s weed is actually extra strong or not. I’m sure what he gets is considered good shit, since he definitely has the money and tolerance. “You should call your mom before you get all giggly.” 

I openly frown. “I do not get ‘giggly’.” 

“Yeah, you do.” 

I’m not in an argumentative mood. Maybe it’s the atmosphere or the weed is already starting to cloud my judgement. I should call my mom, though. It hasn’t been that long since I left, which means she’s probably still out with Wells. It’ll be easier to just leave a message on the machine. She always checks when she gets home. 

Ever since the first incident, my mom keeps a cell phone on her that’s always on, but it’s still weird to both of us. I don’t have the number fully memorized yet, it’s written on a note held to the fridge by a magnet back home...a few blocks away. The cell phone isn’t exclusively emergency, but my mom doesn’t love portable technology. She thinks they’re tacky and breed rudeness.

I tap Stu’s leg, “Up.” 

Surprisingly enough, Stu listens, letting me go. I let go of Billy’s hand and reach for the extension on Stu’s nightstand. I quickly dial my number and leave a flat message. Staying over at Sid’s, have fun but not too much fun, love you and see you tomorrow. 

In a moment of straight forward association, I almost went with telling my mom I was staying at Tatum’s, but I have to talk to Dewey soon and my mom will probably be there and that felt like a potential loose end. 

Stu half snorts, “Love you and see you tomorrow, mom.” 

I shove Stu’s shoulder. “Shut up.” 

“Have fun but not too much fun,” Billy mumbles, a lot more subdued but just as teasing. 

Rolling my eyes, I move back to the edge of the bed where I was sitting before. “It’s an inside joke.” 

Stu leans forward and pinches my cheek. “That’s adorable.” 

The patronization doesn’t sit well and my eyelids feel heavier than they did a second ago. “I hate you guys.” 

“Clearly,” Stu breathes, reaching over and taking the joint from Billy. “Oh, Billy, forgot to tell you, Y/n’s supposed to be mad at us.” Billy tilts his head a little too far to one side like that’s news enough for him to be curious. “Tay told her about the Noel thing.” 

Billy feels imbalanced, head leaning one way and spine straight. His eyes harden over again. “Really?” He takes my hand again, this time a lot less softly. “Over that asshole?” I let him run his knuckles over my hand again, even though this time it feels a lot less soothing. “If none of your friends like a guy, that usually says something about the guy.” 

I’m sure there’s some kind of joke I could spin. Maybe about where he learned that one from. Get that from Cosmo? But the bordering on defensive look behind Billy’s eyes is overbearing and messing with my head. Stu is seriously in danger for bringing this up right now. 

“It’s not about the guy,” I manage, “It’s about...” All the points I had feel a lot less concrete under Billy’s scrutiny...or maybe it’s the weed. Or both. I swallow, dropping my gaze to my lap as I try to really think. Okay, it’s definitely both. “Timing and boundaries.” It feels fractured. “Like even if a guy totally sucks, you can’t go over my head about it.” 

Stu lets out a sigh, dropping his head onto one of his pillow’s. I glare openly. This is all his fault. Why bring it up now? Billy was just starting to act a little more like himself. “I don’t know what you see in him.” Ugh. It’s like he’s not even hearing me. “Especially with the way he talked about Casey.” 

That last part hits its intended goal. Stu’s staring at the ceiling, so I can’t see his expression, but he seems to take my silence as a win. I don’t know Noel as well as they do, but he did talk about Casey at that party and it wasn’t exactly kind. 

I squeeze what I can grab of the comforter like that will tether me here. It half works but it does nothing to ease the tightening in my chest. The memories mix uneasily with the start of my high. The dip of panic doesn’t suit the way my body wants to feel and it all blends together in a way that leaves me on edge and a little nauseous. 

There’s the sound of someone moving, but I barely pick up on it. Billy smacks the side of Stu’s head. “Too much, asshole.”

Stu throws Billy an offended look before craning his neck to look at me. I must look as off as I feel, because Stu does sit up. “Shit,” he pushes himself back, “Sorry. I didn’t think--” 

“You never think.” The words are pointed, but not completely angry. If I was feeling any better, I would’ve laughed. He slowly reaches forward and I don’t stop him from prying my fingers away from the sheets. “Your trip going a little bad?” I nod. “Don’t think about it.” Easier said than done. “You could end up like Stu the one time he smoked too much while watching one of those old horror movies where the special effects are basically held up by a string.” 

That cracks at the panic a little. “What did he do?” 

“Convinced himself that it was real and we were the ones that were off.” 

I almost laugh. “Actually?” 

“Shut up,” Stu sighs, a little bitter but not actually mad. 

Billy ignores him, “Actually.” He turns my hand over carefully before running his fingers over the thin scar on my palm and up my wrist. “So you’re already doing better than him.”

For a second, I let myself study Billy. The wisps of hair falling forward, the slight pinch between his eyebrows, his focused expression. Billy almost always holds himself with a certain tenseness. Whether that’s force of habit or natural to him, I’m not sure. Maybe that’s why he gets along so well with Stu. They balance each other. 

“Are you...” I don’t know where I’m going with this. “Are you feeling any better?” 

His expression briefly clouds, pulling into something much more blank. He drops his gaze and for a second I feel like I might need to take it back. “Yeah--yeah, don’t worry.” Again, easier said than done. Billy clears his throat almost immediately after, like that will erase the fact that he actually responded. 

“Good.” It doesn’t sound overly positive, but he hasn’t convinced me. “I’ve missed you, a little.” That feels a lot more real.

Billy angles his head downwards, almost smiling. “Only a little?” 

“It’s not like you haven’t been around at all.” He traces an invisible line up my wrist. “Maybe more than a little, anyway.” 

“Aw,” Stu hums, his hand finding a place on my back. He leans forward and rests his head on my shoulder. “You two are adorable.” I’m not really given a chance to answer before Stu lets out a sigh that I feel against my neck, “Don’t be mad.” 

Honestly, I’m not feeling any anger. I’m a little annoyed at him and frustrated that I’m still not normal. That’s all there is. It’s too tiring to turn into anger. “’M not mad,” it feels like a confession, “A little annoyed at you, but not more than usual.” 

He breathes a sarcastic, “Haha” into my shoulder. 

With no warning, I start to unweave myself from them. I think they’re too confused to ask until I’m actually standing. 

“Where are you going, angel?” 

I don’t really know, so I can’t really answer. Stu’s room isn’t super familiar. I’ve been in here a couple times, most of them brief. I take a second to really take in the space. A lot of posters, the ones that aren’t directly bloody movie posters feature practically naked women and some combine the two. It fits him.

“Getting a feel,” I decide on, “You can tell a lot about a person based on their room.” 

Stu moves to the edge of his bed, grinning at my focus. “Really?” 

I move to pull open the drawer of his nightstand. “Mhm.” 

“You’re not going to like anything you find in there.” He places a hand on the front of drawer but doesn’t stop me. 

It takes me a second too long to realize what he’s getting at. By then, I’ve already taken in a cover of a magazine with a model that’s wearing even less than the girls on the posters, a box of condoms, a surprisingly neatly stacked set of polaroids, an old deck of cards, and a few random odds and ends all crammed in there. 

My nose wrinkles, but I’m too distracted by the polaroids to make fun of him. I can only see the top one, but it’s innocent enough, an accidental snapshot that sort of looks like a blurry person on a couch.  

“Polaroids?” I pick them out of the drawer and flip to the next one. A small lump that looks like a cat in Stu’s living room. Weird, I’ve never seen one in his house and he’s never mentioned having a pet. Maybe these are old pictures. Before I can snoop any further, Stu pulls the stack of photos away from me. “You’re no fun.” 

He rolls his eyes as he moves the first photo back into place. “You’re nosy.” I don’t say anything because I’m not so high that I’m clueless. This is a little weird of me, but I can’t help the impulse. “What if the next picture had been me naked?” 

“You take naked pictures of yourself and keep them in your nightstand?” 

Stu intentionally ignores my laughter. “You don’t need pictures for that, baby, you can see the real thing.” 

My laughter picks up again. “Yeah? Let’s go right now.” 

At that, Stu does crack a bit of a smile. “Let’s make Billy strip first.” 

“Deal,” I mumble through another laugh. 

Billy drops his head onto a pillow, “Fuck off.” 

I turn my attention back to the card deck and dig them out with my nail. “Any naked pictures hidden in here or am I good?” 

“No promises.” With that as my warning, I begin to shuffle the cards absentmindedly. “Why? You wanna play strip poker?” 

Ignoring him, I move back to my previous position on the edge of the bed. “Think I’m good.” 

I drag the nail of my thumb along the edge of the cards and focus on the sound of them. Billy nudges my knee with his. I look up as he extends his arm, silently asking for the cards. I hand them over without thinking much about it. Billy begins to actually shuffle in a way that would fit Vegas. 

He has to notice my mesmerized stare, but he says nothing. “Do you actually know how to play anything?”

My mom briefly worked at a casino when I was in the first grade and she’d have to bring me in sometimes, but I retained nothing. “Not really.” 

That starts something. A process that should have been short and easy. Billy trying to explain different versions of poker and Stu trying to trick me, but only sometimes so I couldn’t know to for sure not trust him. It’s a mess of laughter and a refreshing lack of angst. Every once in awhile, someone insists that a loser has to take a drag from a joint, so everyone’s progressively getting worse. I’m pretty sure Stu’s cheating somehow, but I have no proof and I’m too out of it to get any. 

It’s so lighthearted and genuinely fun that I’m fighting against the heaviness of my eyelids. It can’t be that late, but I’m already starting to feel drowsy. I’ve finally been given good cards, so I really need to get it together. “I won.”  

Stu scoffs, eyebrows drawing together as he eyes the cards I just set down. “No--that’s not--” 

“I won,” a yawn cuts my sentence in half, “Don’t be a loser about it.” 

Stu picks up all the cards, ignoring my protests. He’s already mixed me up a couple of times. “I can let you have this one, because you’re--” 

“Because you have to.” 

Billy turns his ankle, tapping his foot against my leg. “Don’t be mean about it.” 

That was nowhere near mean. “Dramatic, both of you.” 

Stu’s mouth falls open in a mock gasp as he continues to gather cards. I don’t know what he’s doing until he drops them all back into his drawer and shuts it. He then walks towards his dresser, pulls out a T-shirt, and tosses it in my direction. “After all I’ve done for you.” 

I pick up the T-shirt and fold it onto my lap but make no move to go to the bathroom to change. “I don’t want to go to sleep.” 

“You’re half asleep already.” Billy ignores the dirty look I give him. “Just change in case you fall asleep.” 

Stupid voice of reason. I scratch the back of my wrist and decide to give in. If for no other reason than the fact that Stu’s shirt is almost weirdly soft. Rich people must have access to different kinds of fabric. I reluctantly get up and find Stu’s bathroom.

I change quickly and take a second to make sure Stu gave me a long enough T-shirt. Thankfully, he did, so I don’t have to feel extra awkward about anything. I fold my clothes and bring them back with me. 

“Looks nice on you, babe.” 

Drowsiness hits harder without any distractions. I blink, unsure on how to respond. Stu’s always a flirt with everyone, but it feels a little weird to react to it while standing in his room at night in one of his T-shirts. “It’s the rich guy cotton.”

The corner of his mouth turns up. “And those legs.” 

“Shut up.” 

Billy turns onto his side, fluffing his pillow. “Go to sleep before he gets worse.” 

“Yeah.” The two of them look comfortable, all settled. “I’ll crash on the couch.” 

Stu props his head up on an elbow. “You don’t wanna do that. Living room’s creepy at night and you’ve smoked too much. You’ll get scared.” 

“I’m not 12.” 

“It’s safer here, you wouldn’t be alone if something happened.” 

Ugh, Stu can never resist trying to get me paranoid. “Nothing’s going to happen.” That’s what I thought when I was at Casey’s. 

“Just get in bed,” Billy mumbles, half asleep, “I know how this argument goes with the two of you.” When I don’t move, Billy sighs, “If I fall asleep and you get freaked out, I’m not helping.” 

Stu lays back down, “He means it. He’s an asshole when he’s tired.” He pauses for so long, I briefly think he might have fallen asleep. “...’S not a big deal.” 

True. It wouldn’t even be the first time we all fell asleep in the same bed. And Billy’s slept over in my room enough times for that to barely phase me. “Yeah.” 

I walk over towards the bed. “Drink water,” Billy mumbles the words with his eyes still shut. I look over at the nightstand and there’s a glass there that wasn’t there before. I drink a few long sips until Stu sits up to steal the glass from me. 

Rude. “Give me--” 

He downs the rest of it in a few gulps, “Go to bed.” 

I roll my eyes, but unfortunately do listen. Stu pushes me towards the middle, ignoring my surprised huff. I smack his arm before covering myself with his bed sheets. I barely get to reflect on how much of an asshole move that was before I fall asleep. 

----

A/n fun fact, there’s a moment in here where Y/n came superrr close to accidentally finding out who Ghostface is :) 

Taglist: @cole22ann @womenarecannibals @fand0mskullfa1ry @princessleah129 @i-amnotokaywiththis @fvcking-gxddess @suckmyass-things @im-better-than-your-newborn @michibuni @bigenargy @marli-lavellan @mushy-mushroom04 @neenieweenie @lone-ray @the-ruler-of-death @andthevillainshallrises @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @dixbolik-bby @thebitchiestnerdtowalktheearth @peachycupotea @my5tica1ien @agustdeeyaa @astrial @3ll0kittylvr420 @zoleea-exultant @slaypussypop-21 @aonungs-tsahik @finnydraws @slytherhoes @vxarak @xofeeeeelsxo @thewayiknowyou @yourslashersfinalgirl @winterridinghood @maggieleighc 

[pandorasfavorite]

My idea is that Reader is at home (she's due any day with their baby girl) while Dominik is at Monday Night Raw. He doesn't like the idea of being away from her while she's so close to having the babu, but she had convinced him to go because he was scheduled to be there, and his sister was with her so she had a ride to the hospital if she needed it.

Luckily she goes into labor just after he's finished doing what he had needed to do, and he's able to get to her an hour before their baby is born. He's emotional, not just from seeing reader in pain, but also from seeing his little girl.

Our forever

AN: contains pregnancy, Dad Dominik, labor (nothing graphic). Also no water break because it’s rare believe it or not. Only a minor change with the request. Love you guys ❤️

Dominik has always been attentive to your needs, no matter the circumstances. His attentive nature only increased throughout pregnancy. He went from showering alone to showering with his wife everyday so he can ensure she doesn’t hurt herself. Dominik goes out of his way to provide a comfortable pregnancy for his wife when he can.

But the WWE is a hard business to be apart of when you have family. For big events like Wrestle Mania or the classic Monday Night Raw, Dominik is away from home much longer than he would prefer. His requests for time off is not easily granted due to having to peruse an continuing story line. You had your doubts about how often Dom would be spending time at work. Dominik Mysterio was not his father, he sat you down 4 months in your pregnancy to reassure you that he would be there for his child’s life.

———————————————————————————

You lift off the bed with a groan holding your firm stomach, you feel ready to pop any day now but that’s nothing Dom needs to be stressing about. You’re confident the baby has at least another week before it’s due. Dominik walks out of the shower connected to the bedroom a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping down his chest.

A smile hits his face when he see’s you start to get up, he rushes to your side hoisting you up. You smile at him appreciatively kissing his cheek while walking into the bathroom. After relieving yourself, you step back into the bedroom seeing Dominik dressed in his all black and people gear looking apprehensive. He turns towards you no longer tussling through his clothes drawer, he steps in front of you holding your stomach in his hands. He rocks on his heels, a obvious nervous tick he has, “I was thinking-“, you immediately cut him off knowing what he is trying to do. “Dominik” you say to him sternly, “You are going. You are scheduled and I don’t want you to get fired”, you remind him every day.

He rocking stills and he tilts his head back momentarily to show that he isn’t happy with that. He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout, he looks down at your stomach rubbing it soothingly. “Okay mi amor, Call me whenever you need to” he requests earnestly, you can tell he means this with every ounce of his being. He kisses your lips softly then he kneels down and kisses your stomach as well.

The front door shuts and you continue the day like you would normally. Make breakfast, 30 minute rest, clean whatever is necessary, lunch, and other small tasks. During this routine you contribute to healthy habits like drinking super large amounts of water and squats to make sure the baby is prepared for labor later in the week. You walk into the kitchen for a snack holding the curve of your stomach much like you’ve been doing for months now. As you turn the corner a pulsing pain hits the bottom of your stomach.

The pain is nothing like you’ve ever felt before and you double over in pain. It’s 10pm and usually Dominik doesn’t get home until roughly 11 after broadcasting and prep. This Monday night is going to be a long one. Five minutes after your first contraction another one hits and you begin to get concerned. The doctor informed you that contractions are normal and not to come to the hospital until they are about 4 minutes apart.

You count and time the minutes earnestly staring at the timer on your phone. When another contraction hits at the 4 minute mark you make the decision to call Dom’s sister like promised.

“Can you come pick me up? I need a ride to the hospital I think I’m in labor”, you half yell into the recover that is connected to Aalyah.

“Omg are you serious?! I’m on my way be ready!”, she says briefly frantic, moving around quickly for her keys. You hang up the phone with no response too preoccupied with more important things like your hospital bag… and calling Dominik. You breath through another contraction before calling him.

After 5 rings the line picks up and Dom’s voice passes smoothly through the receiver. “Hey baby, everything okay?” He asks sweet as ever. You moan in pain much louder than intended, Dominik worry begins in a instant. “Baby are you okay? Baby?” He says quickly, shuffling can be heard on his end of the phone. You being to speak only to hear Dom tell someone that he has to leave. You manage to grit out the hospital you’re planning on attending, you also inform Dom that his sister is here and taking you now.

He nervousness is extremely apparent, “I- I’ll be there soon mi amor, just one second”. I nod to myself, forgetting that he can’t see me, “Okay” i reply through another shot of pain.

———————————————————————————

You lay on the hospital bed, sweating bullets looking at the door waiting for your lover to show up. Aalyah can tell him being unintentionally late is stressing you out beyond belief. Aalyah texts Dominik hastily asking how close he his, communicating that you are 9 centimeters dilated. When she gets her answer she turns to you, “He’s two minutes away, hang in there”. You grit your teeth in pain and aggravation.

Contractions are also two minutes away from eachother. And groan and scream are combined when the most painful contraction hits you, unfortunately Dominik bursts in while you are writhing in pain. His hands are on his head and he paces for a moment before coming back to his senses. He sits in a chair right against the bed holding one of your hands in both of his. “I’m so sorry, I got here as quick as I could baby” he apologizes, the only thing he can think of doing right now. “It’s oka—“ you cut yourself off with a high pitched scream and a doctor walks in preparing to check your dilation again.

You’re pain is chewing at Dominiks heart, his tears burn his eyes and roll down his cheeks at the sight. He folds his lovers hand tighter and he lays his forehead on the conjoined hands. Sniffles from him mama you realize that he is crying, that you’re pain resonates with him. You whimper in pain but you try and subside it to the best of you’re abilities. Another whimper leaves your lips and Dominik winces from the side watching you hurt while he can’t do anything. He kisses your conjoined hands over and over again. He whispers praises into your ear as the doctor tells you to push.

You take deep breathes and yell while you push, your grip stinging at Dom’s hand. Dominik also takes deep breathes trying to control himself for your sake. One final push and a piercing cry rings through the hospital room. Dominiks one composed tears come rushing back the the sight of his daughter being swaddled and laid on the chest of the love of his life. Dominiks sobs can be heard from outside of the room, he holds your hand before moving his other to touch his daughters delicate body.

She is laying on your chest just taking in the world with her beautiful curious eyes. You cry along with Dominik squeezing his hand in comfort and joy at the life you both have created. Dominik looks up into you’re eyes and tells you something unforgettable, “Nothing will compete with this”. You laugh and sob at the same time smile and nodding while agreeing with his sentiment. You both look back down at your newborn holding the beginning of forever

[allkindfangirl]

hiii, could you do something where it’s taken place in szn 3 and it’s when all the pogues come back to obx. (you were a kook but you went with the pogues because Sarah has been your best friend). you went to the country club and rafe (your ex bf) sees you and tries approaching you to talk to you because he loves you but you hate him so you blow up on him and leave.

but later that day Sarah and you got into a fight so you’re laying down on the beach not knowing where to go until rafe sits next to you and you talk for a bit until you kiss him unexpectedly. you pull away quick and excuse yourself so rafe gets up and tries to talk to you until you blow up on him again saying that it would never work. sorry if this is hard to understand but A LOT ON ANGST PLEASE!!! also I LOVE your writing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

pairing: rafe cameron x reader warnings: obx3 spoilers (kinda)!

Being home felt like a dream. Clean clothing, showers, real food. Being on an island with your friends had been an adventure, still you were glad to be back home.

It took you a couple of days though to finally get out of the comfort of your house. It just felt weird being among other people, being able to walk around the city and get back to normal life.

You knew you couldn't avoid going to the country club forever. Especially since your parents had told you they would spend their day there and you really wanted to catch up with them and people you knew at the country club.

When you arrived there, the first thing you did was go to the bar and get a drink. The room was empty, since it was only 2pm. You got your favorite drink and chatted with the girl that was serving that day for a while.

"You're back." The voice next to you send a shiver down your spine. It didn't even took you a second to know who it was. You would always recognize this voice out of a million.

Your heart started beating faster when you laid eyes on Rafe, though you didn't know if it was love or hate that you felt.

His hair was short, his piercing blue eyes looking at you. It took all your strength to not get lost in them.

"You're back too." Your jaw clenched, thinking about all the things he had done, everything he got away with. It almost made you cry about how angry you were, how much pain you felt when looking at him.

Of course he had a drink in his hands too. Still, he looked good, healthy. His skin was glowing and he had a light smirk on his face. He was happy to see you, he couldn't deny it. He had missed you. On some days he was going crazy not knowing if you were alive or not. If he was honest, he just wanted to hug you, feel you. Though you guys broke up he didn't loose feelings for you. Not for one second.

"How are you?" His voice sounded serious. This wasn't small talk for him. He wanted to know how you were and what was going on inside of you but your feelings overwhelmed you. You couldn't bare the hate and love inside your body that was fighting each other.

"I can't do this."

You emptied your glass in one swing. You left without looking at him again. Your heart was beating.

"Y/n." Of course he was following you. Nobody just left Rafe standing there like that. Rafe would be the one to leave.

You heard his footsteps behind you while you were walking towards your car. "Y/n. Please. I still love you."

His words made you stop for a second. Deep down you had hope that his feelings were still there, that he still loved you. But this time you had enough self esteem to leave him standing there.

- "What a shit day.", you said to yourself and took a sip of your beer. There you were sitting on the beach, just you and your beer, looking out in the open water. The sun was just setting and you didn't wanted to be alone but somehow you managed to push everyone away. Being back home wasn't as good as you hoped. All your problems and all your friends problems didn't just go away with being home again.

You didn't get into fights with Sarah very often, but when the two of you fought, it was always about Rafe. She didn't understand why you still loved him after everything, and sometimes you didn't had an answer to that either.

"I knew you would be here."

You sighted when you heard his voice for the second time this day. "You got to be kidding me."

Rafe sat down next to you. The two of you had spend hours at this beach, looking at the sunset, dancing in the moonlight. It had been your beach. It was the beach he had kissed you for the first time, the beach the two of you fell in love with each other. It was the beach where Rafe realized how good you were and how you made him better.

"I meant what I said earlier." His voice was soft. He was calm, maybe a little nervous even though he would never admit it.

You didn't say a word. You were just looking out at the ocean. You knew it would break your heart just by looking at him. All those past weeks he had been the one in your dreams and now he was here with you, it felt like a nightmare.

You laid your head on your knees, looking over at him. He was already looking at you. "Fuck I missed you so much.", he whispered. Your eyes wandered to his lips as he spoke. Those lips you knew so well.

You knew it was the worst idea and you hated yourself when you leaned over to him. You couldn't resist him although you wanted to.

Your lips crashed against his and he let out a surprised soft moan. Your hands touched his neck, his buzzed hair against your skin and you pulled him closer to you. The kiss lasted for a couple of seconds until you came to your senses. You pushed him away, maybe a little more harsh than intended.

"I have to go.", you stumbled back onto your feet, feeling the cold sand beneath them.

"Don't." Rafe couldn't just let you go. Not when you had kissed him like you still loved him. "Please don't leave.", you heard him behind you.

"I'm sorry." The tears were forming in your eyes. "Rafe, this will never work. I though it would all be good back home. But it's not. Nothing has changed. We can't just ignore everything that happend. We're done." The words coming from your lips broke your own heart. It hurt so much, him standing in front of you in his white button up shirt. He looked like a dream in the setting sun. Everything you had dreamed of but you knew that reality looked different. You knew you would just go round and round in circles again if you didn't leave.

-

sorry, i don't really like it but i hope you do! xx

also sorry if my english sounds weird sometimes, it's not my first language.

requests are still open!

my masterlist

[xamaxenta]

ace presenting as an omega and hiding/suppressing his heats for years.. marco as the doctor of the WBP needs to get him to have a normal healthy heat SOMETIMES just for his well being!! eventually it comes down to marco having to promise he will stay with ace and keep everyone away from him because ace hates being seen like that and marco insists Im A Doctor, We Are Crew, Nothing You Ever Do Will Make Me Think Less Of You (sexual tension in the air thicker than marcos asscheeks) but he was. NOT prepared. marco was expecting a whiny emotional horny omega or maybe a really cranky one but ace in heat is just GONE. marco leaves ace sitting uncomfortable and sweaty in preheat on the couch to get him a glass of water and comes back 10 minutes later to ace in full heat, already panting and whimpering with his legs spread and begging for not just any alpha, but Marco Specifically and he barely keeps from shattering the glass in his hand. hes trying to be cool and not violate the trust ace has given him but ace smells so so good and hes hornier than hes ever seen an omega maybe in his life, absolutely SOAKING wet already. and then ace starts whining and sobbing for marco to get him pregnant and knock him up and stuff him and it is soooooooo over

(marco snaps because of course he does. he goes into a rut completely off schedule and plows ace so hard he cant walk and hes super guilty about it when he finally comes back to himself like Oh God I Violated His Vulnerability.. Hes Going To Hate Me.. ace just rolls over, finally himself again and smirks like Just So You Know. we are ABSOLUTELY doing this again. preferably every time. forever)

YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ANONNNN GET ITTTTTT‼️‼️‼️

[lolaandthens0me]

Hey Lola! I love your posts and content! I gotta ask this: What has your Poly Journey looked like for you, and is there anything that I should be mindful of within my own journey?

Salutations Anon! And thank you for the kind words.

Wow, what a fantastic question! It has been quite the journey filled with much love, some heartache, an abundance of patience and growth, and real hard work in self-awareness and compassion...along with more than a smattering of fun, fuckery, and so.much.travel.

My journey began with a quiet aching within my heart and unsettledness within my gut. I think I've always known that I was polyamorous and bisexual, but I've not always had the vocabulary to express that. I am a being with an extraordinary capacity to love, and although I had so much love within my marriage (and still share with my ex), my heart was calling for more. There came a time where I felt that if I didn't make a change, the real person I was inside was going to be gone forever. The part that makes me Lola. I believe that I was put on this Earth to love, to share my body, and to share my heart and empathy in order to help others learn how to heal and love themselves.

The first step was to learn how to communicate honestly, even if it meant hurting someone I loved. I read books and blogs about how to be an active communicator instead of a passive one. And then I practiced. I surrounded myself with wonderful friends who listened, pushed me to speak my truth, and helped me figure out just what is was that I felt I was missing, I was being called to pursue, and they supported me, every step of the way, in who I was becoming.

Then I had to learn how to ask for what I want. This is a lesson that I continue to relay to all of my friends and partners. I have learned how to compassionately, but confidently and with kindness, ask specifically for what I want. One way that I continue to do this is by being very upfront about who I am and what kind of life/relationships I want with any potential play partner/kinky friend/partner...the people that I want to be my whole, true, unedited self with.

I also had to do the hard thing. After months and months of therapy, couple's therapy, open, honest conversations, time spent alone and together, trials of compromise and an open relationship to a degree - I had to say that I wanted to separate. I was married for almost 15 years at this point. That was one of the hardest days of my life. But I felt caged, frail, like the color was being completely drained from me. They say that it takes a good 2 years after a separation/dissolution/divorce to get your life back to something normal again. I have not quite made it to that mark yet...but I believe that's true. My ex and I chose to rewrite a new chapter for our relationship, to write our own book, to remain friends and in each other's lives...and wow, has that been hard. But I am so fucking grateful and happy that we've done that work. And we are in a wholly different, beautiful place.

Now for the fun, but also tricky part...I began forming new relationships. I think I've always known that I would be someone who would want and thrive with a Primary partner. I was lucky, my Primary partner, RY, was a friend first, and grew very organically and beautifully into more than that. We both made a promise to each other very early on that we would keep checking in and evaluating the health of ourselves, our processes of getting over a breakup, and the state and wellbeing of our relationship as it blossomed and grew into what it is today. As long as we were both still growing individually and encouraging each other into happy and healthy people, then we would continue growing our relationship. We communicate openly and honestly about everything, we have been patient in allowing one another the space to mourn the loss of our marriages with empathy, and we have taken our time to rebuild ourselves, bringing our best selves to each other. It worked out that he also was looking to explore polyamory. We're both still new at this, but we talk about and work through every growing pain along the way.

Then along came my other partner. She and I had a connection right away. Our close friendship naturally grew into something more. She and my primary partner were also friends, and honestly, I think that really helps. It is just amazing to see the two of them talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy being around each other, and they both reach out to one another in their love for me. I was always clear about who RY was to me and what our relationship was, and so that helped lay the foundation for my second relationship. I check in a lot with her to make sure that she feels loved, seen, and heard, and that we have enough time in person together. It's fantastic that we can be things and do things with one another that just simply don't fit into our other relationships.

I have learned what my boundaries are (and the fact that I actually need boundaries) within myself to ensure that I remain intact and wholly my own, as well as a giving, loving, deeply connected partner. It was important for me to live by myself right now, not something I've ever done before. I made this choice for the past year because I know my codependent tendencies and I wanted to break out of that mold. I still struggle sometimes with not giving all of my energy to those I love. I must save some for myself and I have found ways to replenish that energy. Time and energy; I'm still learning how to balance these within a polyamorous life.

I continue to work on approaching every conversation with empathy and an open mind and heart. I continue to keep searching within myself and bring that self-awareness to my relationships. I continue to push myself to see a different way and live a different way. I continue to surround myself with open-minded people that see me, know me, support me, and love me in this new life I'm creating. I continue to take time to be by myself and breathe. I continue to search out new opportunities that challenge me and fulfill me. I continue to be a student of life. And I continue to lean into love.

I love you @resonantyes and @hbananer - thank you for this life.