#Forever gonna clown on him for having a dead wife

[arobinwithoutbatman]

((Alrighty! Comics time! Pretty sure I'm up to Knightfall Crusade volume 2.

And we're starting off strong with the fucking clown

...I'm sorry, this director is actually going along with Joker's bullshit? Willingly?!?!

I'm... somewhat concerned about the fact that Jean Paul is now being secretly filmed and Joker is at least smart enough to notice something has changed other than the obvious suit changes I mean

Yeah Joker's gonna lose his shit cause that's not Bruce under the cowl and Jean Paul is very much falling into burnout and despair because he has no outside connections

...why do I get the feeling that's not Tim? And that everyone is going to be very surprised when 'Batman' doesn't give a shit?

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I was right, it's not Tim and Joker is steadily getting more pissed

Well at least he was nice enouhg to check up on the poor college student caught up in all this

I hate everything about this

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Jean... buddy... the system isn't a good thing

And Joker's clocked it's a different person under the cowl

Yup. JP's getting worse! Somehow. Didn't realise he could get worse but hey, life long brainwashing will do that

Gordon's marriage is on the rocks too

...listen... I hate that JP was cheated out of killing the Joker, frankly the man drives me nuts... but there is so much harm being done to Batman's reputation that's going to take forever to unravel

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Immigration story, okay. This came out in the 90s if I remember correctly so yeah, this was definitely a big topic at the time

Jfc, can this man get any further from the original ideas Bruce had?

Yup, just like I thought, JP has completely lost what little nuance he was able to figure out in situations. Yeah, this fictional woman arrived illegally because it was the only way to get her stolen child back

Baby's in California? Oh honey... you're on the wrong coast

Lol Gordon saying "You should have been a detective!" Because it's true. Bruce was. JP isn't and it's becoming more and more obvious

Human trafficking is also an issue... not surprised comics would attempt to talk about it

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Oh good, JP's actually trying to resist his programming again after the previous issue

...uhhhh... buddy? I dunno who you are but uhhh there's probably all sorts of diseases in long dead bones and any surviving bone marrow that's likely fucking up your health and your brain

And JP's finally actually trying to do the detective work! And starting to ask questions about what he's actually doing and what he believes! Finally! Do your shadow work, dude!

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Ooof poor guy basically being walking acid

...okay... and whomst the fuck is this hero?

School teacher who picked up a power during an alien invasion? Mkay

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OKay back to the crazy bone eating serial killer

Oh hey Alfred! Hey Bruce!

Tim!!!! My boy is back! Finally!

...briefly... and he's dealing with Cluemaster and the Speedboyz still just on the downlow. WHich is probably gonna come up in his solos whihc is after Knightfall which means I get to see my girl Steph

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Lunch break before I do this next one

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Okay, back to it.

Mutated former cop facing off against JP? Mkay

I really don't like this particular set of street thugs but that might just be because I'm having a hard time parsing their phonetically written accent

And Abbatoir is still out and about

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Creatures of Clay? Ah fuck, Clayface is showing up, isn't he?

Ooooohhhhh Leslie's pissed and understandably so. Bruce is gonna have a hell of a time explaining that it wasn't him under the cowl for the last... however long it's been

Lady Clayface? Huh

Wow... realy just let her go splat

Huh... Clayface has to pass his thing on and infect others just to deal with the pain?

DIfferent name too. Awwww Preston and his wife are expecting! But now they really need to double down on finding whatever disease he has

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So Abbattoir took little baby Cassius Clay and Clayface 3 and Lady Clay just wanted him back but now, both are going to prison

And also he's got his cousin now so that's not good

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Penguin? Mkay

HAH Gordon and Penguin just ripping into each other, I love it

Damn... Jim's seriously willing to do anything to make sure his wife is okay

Oh good, JP was in fact working on it, he's just worse at communicating than Bruce is

And Penguin's inspired once more and likely thinks JP is no longer an imposter or stand in

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Snipers now? Well then

Hunters turned hired killers... I hate them

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Oh shit back to Abattoir

And another appearance from Tim!

You tried, Tim, not your fault JP's mind is such a mess

But that's gonna be a huge stain on Bruce's legacy; multiple people died tonight because he was more focused on vengenace

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He feels righteous?!

Nope. That's it. He's just Azrael at this point. And trauma. Sooooo much trauma

Yup, he's just gonna kill again. Gordon's recognised it and destroyed the Bat Signal because JP doesn't care

FUck me, I hate this arc and desperately want it to be over. I wouldn't be reading this at all if it weren't providing much needed context for what Tim's up to and why

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Judging by the page count, this is the last one in this volume and thank fuck for that!

Ah. Gunhawk. Seeking medical attention for his wife

Massive gunfight in a hospital involving flamethrowers yeah that's real smart -.-

[oatsynalliums]

Cirese would have loved to have like 1 kid but

[notstilinski]

Murderville Starters !

Taken from season one of the 2022 Netflix series, Murderville! Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit! There may be some light spoilers! 

“I just made that rhyme up. No big deal, I do all sorts of cool stuff.”

“I never like to assume how close I can get.”

“Did I just turn seven years old? Because you just hired a goddamn clown!”

“Well, listen, none of that matters now. No one cares.”

“I can get these lips as dirty as you want them to be.”

“I’m reviewing the facts of what I’ve been told so far.”

“The body is right there. And you’re being a clown. Take it easy.”

“Then they went into that black void known as death. Where there is no return. They’re gone. Probably forever.”

“And then he said, “I can’t talk right now, (Name). I’m with my wife and kids. And you know we have boundaries.” Now I have no choice but to go over to his house and make a scene in front of his entire family.”

“A young woman was murdered against her will today!”

“They beat me. They beat me for 40 minutes then went out to get ice cream. They came back and continued to beat me.”

“Let’s get the hell out of- Wow. Look at all these snacks. Let’s grab some stuff, come on.”

“Well, death comes for us all.”

“That’s what this is. Holding the dead close and whispering, “I will avenge you.””

“They always make that face. That’s just their face.”

“I look like a guy that’s been given three days to live, and this is day five.”

“She was a mean old woman, write that down. Everybody hated her.”

“Well, guess what? Doomsday was here. And it’s me and (Name).”

“Wait a minute. You can’t- You can’t just start your own country.”

“You can’t sue someone and claim that it’s your property just because I built it on your property!”

“Hey, look, I don’t trust people who don’t do shots. Want one?”

“I will tell you, I did something that I normally don’t do: put all my eggs in one basket and I got that motherfucker.”

“I can’t show my face there. People expected big things of me, (Name). What am I going to tell them?”

“I want you to end up unhappy and alone, just like me.”

“We need to be sure, and that is why I need you to take a psychopath test.”

“What is the thing that feels you with the most shame that you can barely look at yourself in the mirror?”

“In what sense are you lovers?”

“It was good to see all the vaguely familiar faces of people I’d forgotten ever existed.”

“Because weekends are kinda like short summers.”

“My dreams of playing professional football in Canada were over before they began.”

“It was hilarious and also really sad.”

“We were gonna tell you we just wanted to see if this was real first.”

“That’s right. He got disposable income, and he’s spending it on you.”

“This is what you’re dealing with. Good luck, and I apologize in advance.”

“I wish I could say that I had the same confidence that I wouldn’t betray you. To be honest, I’m very erratic.”

“I think you just stand there and do whatever it is you do.”

“It’s making me sleepy, and I feel like I’m going to cry.”

“I’m really sorry, (Name). You trusted me and now you’re going to die because of it. And I can’t help but feel that I’m a little bit responsible for that.”

“What kind of kindergarten teacher would need that? The murdering kind.”

“So what we’ll do is we’ll tell each other our most embarrassing secrets. And then there’s no way that we will become physically attracted to each other and ultimately fall in love which neither of us wants.”

“This bag is stickier than my last divorce.”

“There’s something so cool about being able to turn a little dial and turning this guy’s brain into applesauce.”

“Now I realize the best way to honor your memory is to finally let you go. Goodbye, (Name).”

“Preparation is for losers. Dumb luck is where it’s at.”

“Why were you just hugging (Name)? Did you plant drugs on him?”

“What does all-nude sundaes mean?”

“If you become friends with them, I will burn down your house.”

“I felt like you were so close to saying that you were going balls deep.”

“I’ve extorted, I’ve murdered. One time, I terrorized an entire community into just abandoning their homes. They just fled in the night!”

“I don’t know what happened, but time got away from me, and I did not do it.”

“Oh. That would be great. That sounds very healthy. I appreciate it.”

[amarienne]

Long and tired 15x20 rumblings. Beware of spoilers and the F word.

It’s been 10 hours since I watched the episode and I still can’t believe that was real and not a prank episode.

Let’s leave aside the destiel of it all, alright? We all knew getting a huge and proper destiel scene was not gonna happen, no matter how much we clowned the last few days.

But that was a shit show of writing and plot. Fair enough, they felt like a MOTW episode was very fitting to be the last and you know what, I agree. That first 10 minutes of a simple life jogging, making breakfast and petting the dog? I am all for it. Pie Fair? Perfect, who doesn’t like pie? And Dean surely deserved to eat to his heart’s content with no worry in the world.

But at the same time you are trying to tell me that Dean didn’t even blink while Sam mentioned Cas being dead? And that we didn’t even see Sam at least texting with Eileen who just one episode ago vanished in thin air and Sam, had to perform some pretty heavy self control and restraint so he didn’t break because of the loss? How am I, the audience, supposed to believe that??

Still, I was happily going along with it all still keeping hope (lol, what a fool) until they entered the barn. I saw that freaking rod while they were fighting. Don’t believe it if you don’t want to, but I saw the freaking metal rod and I saw Dean being attacked and I was like fuck no he’s gonna end up on it. And surely enough a second later he was. And being the naive person I am I thought ‘huh, interesting. maybe that’s how we see Jack in this episode, or we see Dean in the hospital fighting for his life because he realises he doesn’t want to keep doing this.’

Buuut nooo, ofc not. We get 10 minutes of Dean hanging from a nail making an otherwise lovely speech and Sam standing there listening to it. We get a *w*nc*est* aura with the hand holding and forehead touching? REALLY? I couldn’t fucking believe it. And then Dean dies.

Dean, who just last episode did not take vengeance on Chuck because ‘that’s not who I am’. A fact I am betting my life on comes of course, of course, from Castiel’s confession. So we finally get to see Dean accepting the fact he is not just a killer, but actually he is made of love and for love and he deserves to be happy. Guys, you can see it in his face, he starts to believe it. And he chooses to walk away with his brother and Jack and to simply leave Chuck behind to have the thing he is more scared of- the thing Dean craved more than anything: a normal life.

Enter a sad excuse of a funeral, a pathetic montage of Sam in the bunker and then a call for another hunt. And Sam leaving (forever? who the fuck knows) the bunker. And just as I feared we get to Heaven. And Dean is welcomed by Bobby. That scene was actually fine. At least we get to fucking know Cas is no longer in the Empty- that presumably Jack saved him and they are now together or were together to build Heaven. And the fact they all share a heaven is sweet, okay? Baby is there, Dean goes for a drive, Kansas is playing. Cheesy but lovely.

Montage of Sam living a normal life? A toddler with ‘Dean’ stitched on his clothes? Enter me losing my fucking mind on the turn of events. So Sam named the kid he had with a *faceless* woman Dean in honour of the brother that died like 3 days after saving the world. Huh?? Really? I mean really? What the fuck happenned to Eileen?? She was too precious for this episode and this fucking story.

At this point I am like, I wish I had not pressed play on this mess. But the God awful montage continues. We see Dean Jr (*retching from disgust on the cliche*) telling Sam it’s okay, mirroring the first death. Also what’s with the tatoo? Is he a hunter too? Did Sam continue hunting and pulled his son into it as well? Or was it just a general precaution/tradition. Fuck knows of course. Heart monitor goes beep (the fucking cliches will be the death of me) and we see a bunch of pictures. The faceless wife remains faceless because *who cares* let’s just show the parallells between the two brothers’ deaths.

Oh I forgot all this is to the sound of a pop cover of Carry on my Wayward Son. They didn’t even have the decency to keep the original playing.

And here I am thinking, wishing, being ready to make a crossroads deal that all this is not actually real. It’s a dream, or a nightmare, or an alternate reality or - my biggest hope- Gabriel’s playing a prank somehow.

But as we all now know, dear strangers, that was not it. Nope. Dean stops in a lovely bridge (after apparently a couple hours of driving) and Sam appears. They hug it out. And they watch the sun set over the fucking mountain top.   

Oh and then we have the god awful goodbye message. The final blow so we stay on the ground.

Un-fucking-believable. That was like the worst fanfiction, wrapped in a last minute essay you’re writing that is due in six hours, dipped in a diary entry from when you were 9 and dusted with a touch of *who gives a fuck let’s just finish this*. Also let’s blame *COVID*.

All the beautiful scenes and moments of the past 15 seasons. All the character progression we thought we were witnessing. All the symbolism we thought we were seeing. All the secondary characters we got to love to just not see if they actually made it back after 15x18. All the blood, sweat and tears our four boys went through in the last few episodes. All yeeted out the fucking window. It was all for fucking nothing? For an ending my four year old niece could come up with on the spot?

They all die and live happily ever after in Heaven?

Betrayed does not begin to cover how I feel. I was not a hardcore fan of SPN by a long shot. But I know stories. This is not how a good story ends. And SPN was a good story. It deserved better. We deserved better. Our boys deserved better.

I am standing and slow clapping for the actors though. They were truly brilliant, they worked with this shit writing and managed to get to the other side of it. I would sell my left kidney to find out what they actually thought of that ending and to also ask the showrunner what kind of drunk dream made the basis of this finale. Oh, and also ask the folks at CW who green lighted this shitstorm how they’re feeling? The 1 star ratings at IMBD are raining like the fallen angels, bitch.

God. This was long and awful but even if noone read it, it made me feel better.

I can’t even begin to form coherent thoughts regardging the lack of Cas and destiel. Maybe on another post.

[recurring-polynya]

Hi Polynya! I’m curious and in the spirit of Ginrei’s birthday, what do you think are his opinions of Rukia and Renji separately and together?

Ha ha, this is such a simple and straightforward question and my answer is going to be so long and so complicated and have almost nothing to do with Rukia and Renji because Ginrei's feelings toward Rukia and Renji have almost nothing to do with Rukia and Renji.

So, I want to start out by saying that Ginrei is a lot like Hisana in the sense that he's a canon character, we get the idea of him and what he's there for, but there's no actual characterization of him, which gives fanfic writers a tremendous amount of leeway to do whatever they want with him. I'm not going to try to justify anything I say here, it's just my ideas and how it goes in my fanfiction. I love it whenever a writer tries to take on the Kuchiki clan and I'm always interested to see what other people's takes are, even when they vary wildly from my own.

I love the fact that "Kuchiki" means "dead tree." We meet Rukia first, and it's sort of a delightfully spoopy name, very appropriate for this salty, overdramatic, grim reaper girl, but it takes on additional meaning when we meet Byakuya, the noble and powerful scion of a dying house.

The thing that makes Ginrei interesting as a character to me is that he is the one who ruled over his house as it fell. I tend to regard filler episodes as semi-canon, so I like the idea of Kouga, even if I don't want to acknowledge the rest of the Zanpakutou Rebellion shenanigans. I think that the main line of the Kuchiki was already running a little thin, Soujun's health was a big concern, and so they marry in this guy who is a scholar and a powerful shinigami. They never say what Kouga's previous social status was, but given that they emphasize what an accomplished dude he is, I think he was chosen for his skills, not his lineage, to strengthen the Kuchiki bloodline, except it backfires. Then Soujun dies, too, a few years later.

Ginrei strikes me as the type of leader who thinks he can control everything. He manages his clan with an iron fist. He is pragmatic, not sentimental. He’s not bad or mean, but he can see that he does not have a lot of room for missteps, and he takes his role very, very seriously. Despite this, he’s lost the generation under him, and all that he has left is Byakuya. There are cousins and branch families, but to the pride of the Kuchiki is its main line, descended from great generals and heroes and the very founders of Soul Society. Byakuya, in a lot of ways, hearkens back to the great Kuchiki of old, and Ginrei sees that he has the potential to reclaim the power and glory of his house. He’s hard on Byakuya and has high expectations for him. Ginrei loved his son and he loves his grandson, but after Soujun’s death, he often wonders if he was too soft on him because of his health, if Soujun would have lived if Ginrei had just expected more of him. Byakuya is the last hope of the Kuchiki and Ginrei knows he can achieve great things, and Ginrei is determined to do everything in his power to make sure Byakuya achieves his full potential.

And some ways, Byakuya is the perfect Kuchiki. He’s strong and he’s hard-working. He’s principled. He’s working on his self-control, and he’s very good at when it comes, to say, sword practice, he’s just not so good at in when it comes to interpersonal relations, but he’s coming along. Then he meets Hisana.

Hisana is absolutely unacceptable to Ginrei. Byakuya needs a marriage with a woman with strong spiritual pressure and a noble lineage so that he can gain some alliances from the marriage and then she can pop out some strapping young heirs while also managing his social life for him, just like Ginrei’s wife did for him. Hisana obviously isn’t going to check any of these boxes.

I headcanon Byakuya as demisexual, in the sense that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction very often, and if he does, it’s only to someone he’s already got strong feelings for. He was sort of okay with the vague idea of marrying someone for the purposes of procreating until he met Hisana and realized how much that would pale in comparison to actually being married to the love of his life.

Up until this point, Byakuya has had some minor rebellions against Ginrei, but they’ve never really gone at it, but this is one time that Byakuya stands firm. Ginrei is super-pissed. He lets Byakuya marry her because he figures she’s going to die soon anyway, but he’s mad about it. He never comes around to Hisana and he’s mean to her and this is really the nadir of Byakuya and Ginrei’s relationship.

Finally, we are getting around to what you asked. Hisana dies and Ginrei softens a little toward Byakuya in his grief. He retires and turns the clan and Squad 6 over to B, hoping it will be a distraction and that Byakuya will finally turn his focus over to what matters. This seems to be going well for about one year and then BAM! Byakuya acquires an orphan.

I am guessing that Ginrei didn’t know about Byakuya’s promise to Hisana to take care of Rukia, but even so, I think if you asked him, he would have regarded Byakuya’s duty to his clan and promise to his parents as more important. It’s not that Ginrei isn’t an honorable man, it’s that his concept of honor doesn’t necessarily extend to a dead peasant in comparison the Noble and Ancient House of Kuchiki. So Byakuya adopts Rukia and Ginrei’s immediate reaction is panic. What is Byakuya doing? Is he going to marry this girl? Is he going to name her his Heir? Has he cracked? And it turns out to be none of those things, he’s just going to keep her around as this sad ghost that haunts his house, but Ginrei’s initial reaction toward Rukia is that of interloper. He thought this Hisana nonsense was overwith, but no, we’re still doing this.

When Ginrei first meets Rukia, she is in her overwhelmed, lonely stage of first becoming a Kuchiki. Ginrei also criticizes her for being small and meek and basically useless. She’s a mediocre shinigami. She’s not beautiful or talented, so Byakuya can’t even marry her off for political gain. The real issue, though is that Rukia is just emblematic of the fact that Byakuya doesn’t intend to move past his grief and remarry. He works his ass off as Captain and Clan Head, but other than that, he’s just gonna be a sad widower and sit in his big house and write letters to his dead wife and the Kuchiki are going to die off. There is really nothing Rukia could do, no way she could be different that Ginrei would approve of, because it was never really about her in the first place.

Fast forward a few years, and now we come to Renji. I also headcanon that in his retirement, Ginrei has moved out to a scenic portion of Rukongai, so he doesn’t interact with Byakuya much on a day-to-day basis, but he hears stuff through other family members that come out to visit him. He’s never actually met Renji, all he knows is that Shirogane retired, and Byakuya hired some tattooed goon from Squad 11 instead of one of the dozens of Kuchiki cousins that are lying around. In my fanfic Call Me Back When the War is Over, Byakuya explains to one of his aunts that the reason he did this was because he didn’t have a relative who was capable of passing the Lieutenant’s Exam. She replies that he just should have pulled some strings so that someone (preferably her own son) could pass, assuming it’s a mere formality. Now this is exactly what Ginrei would have done. This is a problem, though: it involves choosing sides. I’ve got the top seats of Squad 6 set up as follows:

- 3rd Seat Ohno is the Heir to the most powerful Kuchiki branch family. His father is arguably the next in line for Clan Head, based on power terms - 4th Seat Kuchiki Choei is an actual Kuchiki, but he’s a younger son and he’s a clown, meaning that he got bored standing in line for Clan Head and wandered around the corner to vape - 5th Seat Kuchiki Takehiko is the actual closest of Byakuya’s relatives to him, and is arguably the next in line for Clan Head, strictly on family line terms

Pulling strings to help any of these three become the next lieutenant would be a very political move on B’s part, tantamount to anointing his successor. Ginrei assumes that B picked an outsider for the purposes of recusing, of saying “I shall simply refuse to die and remain Clan Head myself, forever’, with the addition fuck you of picking the Actual Worst Person Byakuya Could Find for the job, instead.

This really isn’t the case at all, it is literally that Byakuya feels that you shouldn’t be a lieutenant if you can’t pass the exam. He’s basically a rule-follower, and also it’s a good rule, and also his dad died as a lieutenant and I think he thinks a lot about how that could have been avoided through actions, whereas Ginrei tends to think of it more of a thing that could have been avoided if Soujun was better.

So, that gets us up to the beginning of canon. I am (in theory) working on a fanfic that takes place in the 17-mo timeskip where Ginrei comes to visit and actually gets to know Rukia and Renji and (spoiler alert, but is anyone really surprised) he ends up liking both of them a lot. Part of it is just Ginrei has chilled out somewhat in his retirement and realized that it’s okay to have parts of your life that are not completely devoted to the Good of the Clan. Part of it is that Ginrei loves Competence and Rukia and Renji are so, so competent. Part of it is that Byakuya is obviously doing a lot better than he was, and it’s just really obvious why. Like I said, Ginrei does and always has loved Byakuya, he just wants what’s best for him. It’s just that if there is one thing Kuchiki are terrible at, it’s expressing their love for one another in a positive and healthy way.

As to Ginrei’s feelings about Renruki as a ship, he’s for it, actually. Conniving family members have been trying to marry Rukia for years in hopes of getting an in with Byakuya, and I’m sure they’re setting their sights on Renji, now, too. Ginrei likes them well enough, but he can imagine what a shitshow this could turn out to be, and he finds it very convenient if they were to just marry each other.

I’m rather fond of the idea of Byakuya appointing them as a branch family to the Kuchiki, because I’m not super keen on them going full-Kuchiki if Renji married in, but I think Byakuya would be upset if Rukia married out and he wasn’t able to provide her with the lavish lifestyle he thinks she needs (she does not). It’s a nice compromise that lets them be a part of the family, but out of the limelight. In any case, I think that was Ginrei’s idea, thanks Granddad!

[overhighways]

final spn thoughts

the memes have me rolling with laughter, because after a finale that bad all you can do is laugh but, i also can't stop thinking about the fact that they said the perfect ending for dean, the depressed character who finally became stable and built a found family, was to die without any family or friends around besides his brother that really... was yikes...

so i initially quit the show on the episode that kevin died. i had stuck it out thru so many sexist and/or racist deaths and acts of violence on the show but that was kinda my breaking point. additionally, looking back over my old liveblogs and op eds on tumblr, i was getting really tired of the fact that for the 8 or so years of the shows run the brother's had never grown emotionally, and continued a constant cycle of being dangerously codependent but also continuously lying to each other and hiding things from each other which always resulted in some catastrophe, causing them to come into conflict. it was bad writing and a bummer for someone who liked the universe and the characters but wanted a satisfying change in their state of being from the beginning to the end of the narrative.

for a hot second in college i dropped out, because one semester cos i was just so depressed, and in between bringe drinking and smoking i thought i should watch supernatural but i literally only made it like half a season further then my initaly quitting point before being like "wow this is shit and i feel bad maybe i should stop and get help". so i really hadn't thought of the show except for when i saw a funny meme clowning superwholock for about five years now but then all the posts about 5.18 tricked my gay clown ass into sitting down and marathoning all of the episodes i had missed so i could watch the finale live.

and what i have to say is i know they experienced a couple shifts in show runners and head writers over the past five years so it was still inconsistent in quality (its a CW show so like, who is surprised?), but they actually really broadly improved the show i think. i remember that the first 5 seasons or so were more carefully planned and ben edlund provided so much good writing, that i think when edlund and kripke left the show lost its way for a while, and there were moments that were decent, but when they finally brought cas into the bunker and jack was brought in as a main character it felt like they got back on track. they were able to refocus the show on family while also allowing the dean and sam to grow as people and build a much healthier found family. the three of the boys bring in claire novak as their charge, jodi and her hunter family become regulars; the show kind of felt like it was closer to reaching its potential, like back when we all thought bobby and ellen were gonna be forever main characters, and dean and sam would have a family and semi normal hunter lives. so i kind of felt like sam's arc was mostly complete seasons ago, he was a pretty normal dude who was gonna end up with eileen and that was cute and lovely. but for dean i really think it was more complex and the whole final season being about killing god and truly giving everyone full free will to create any possible future they wanted, was gonna tie in more to dean's struggle to define himself outside of the role of his father's blunt instrument and his brother's protector. but instead they establish this amazing free will for everyone, cas literally dies to give dean the chance to finally be free, and then they wrote a finale that essentially says "free will doesn't exist and you will always be bound to certain expectations". like dean dying on a hunt is fine and arguably in character, but to not include any of the family that he painstakingly learned he could have? bullshit. they just completely disregarded all of the character growth they spent the last five to ten seasons giving us. also i find it nearly impossible to believe that sam would not specifically be searching for eileen after literally killing an entire coven of witches to get a spell to bring her back from the dead, so his weird faceless implied wife was confusingly bad writing as well. and dean not trying to get cas back? the dean winchester who had a complete emotional break down every time he thought he had abandoned cas or failed him or let him die? bullshit. jack not immediately bringing cas back to them? bullshit!!

and it felt like a really odd ending for cas, whose entire character arc has also been about learning how to act of his own free will and not be a mindless soldier of god, to just disappear and be implied to have suddenly returned to being... a mindless soldier of god. like i know its a new and better god who is also his son but like... you are telling me cas was really okay with abandoning his friends on earth and just sitting in heaven doing boring celestial paperwork for eternity? the writers threw away the potential narrative symmetry of having dean pull cas from the empty the way cas pulled him from hell, they threw away the potential symmetry of implying that jack brought cas back and having cas appear in the barn and save dean to mirror his first appearance in the barn where dean summoned him... and okay say misha didn't wanna risk covid and flying back to canada, they threw away the ability to literally just have a prerecorded line where cas found dean in heaven and said his iconic "hello dean" line. idk very bad writing. like obviously i had always assumed that at the very best the sbow would end with sam having the most normal life, and dean kinda fucked up but finding peace and dying on a hunting trip, but the execution sucked.

my final addition is that i have read quite a bit about all the drama behind the scenes but i genuinely cannot forgive the show's head writers and producers for queer baiting their audience like that. it would have been one thing for dean and cas to remain implied, but to confirm offscreen that they were in love and never acted on it, mention it only briefly onscreen before killing off their only on screen confirmed queer leading man, and then never resolve dean's sexuality was... quite hateful. and to know that you won't resolve it, but dangle the possibility of a resolution in the hopes of getting better numbers on your finale is... incredibly hateful. my heart goes out to misha, jensen, and berens who apparently worked very hard to get the little representation viewers were granted, and who subsequently were treated very poorly by the show's main writers and the network.

its been a hell of a 15 years...

[spnreactionblogging]

CARRY ON

spoilers below but I’m very late to the game

here we go!!! there's Some Woman in the thumbnail for this episode and I'm like oh boy did you fuckers turn castiel into a girl to make it Not Gay, I will riot. we're off to a dread-inducing start I'm honestly not even sure I want to watch this? I have not heard anything good but since my options are either keep SPN blacklisted forever but ultimately get spoiled anyway, or use my dwindling remaining time to see it for myself without being told what happens, may as well be on my own terms I am hearing that misha and possibly j2 were not happy with this, whatever this is (?????) yikes I don't understand how you even have another episode after the last one. that seems like a traditional ending. you either beat a dead horse or go ultra meta and it sounds like they dropped the ball, big time but let's see jack's sweet and deserved better. there's a clock but it's NOT heat of the moment playing, damn oh the dog. we love you miracle dog sam's still jogging where's eileen!!!! I like seeing sam cooking I actually enjoy watching them do domestic stuff dean sneaking food to the dog 😭 can this be the whole episode, just them doing chores I meant to catch which book sam was reading I can't tell but it looks like it's old this is extra bonus sad for knowing that they couldn't even like, have a wrap party or anything. extra isolated. :( SPECIAL GUEST STAR JIM BEAVER!!! "Are you sure you're ready for this?" "Oh, I don't have a choice." dean hasn't been this relatable to me in years, this is how I feel watching this lmao akron pie fest dean dies of complications from diabetes god I miss bakeries or restaurants or anything I do love Sad Sam Face "I"'m thinking about Cas, you know? Jack. If they could be here." thank you Sam that pain isn't going away for me either "stop being an eeyore" Sam's the Eeyore of the series, Dean, okay, and same lmao jared fucking slammed that pie into jensen's face and they just filmed it. you can see the actual glee on his face brady??? like sam's old classmate? wasn't that his name? or no some kid. is this just a regular-ass monster of the week. do sam and dean just get killed by like. regular people? are there no monsters anymore. I would actually love that. humanity is truly the worst monster of all. didn't we learn that in season 1 :') in "the benders" are these guys sam and dean? are they just murdering monster families like they did in the holiday episode? what is happening. are those dean's shoes. I could probably recognize how they walk if I really paid attention i guess not. probably. "singer and kripke, FBI" ha fucking clowns lmao poor sam they still have dad's journal, huh. THE LORE evil mimes. vamp-mimes. I guess they kill these dudes? we gonna unmask them or what there we go this guy looks like joseph gordon-levitt oh we love torture on this show this is definitely "dean who's NOT the ultimate killer" amirite "if those kids are dead he's gonna use a spoon" how very walter sullivan of you also I feel like sam would not do this anymore but hey who am I, someone who likes consistent characterization? lol we're back to creepy barns instead of wet pipe factories dean has a fucking shuriken lmao I honestly for real need a machete for the overgrown weeds I don't hate this so far? I'm tired of the constant torture but I guess this feels like early seasons, kind of. idk. lmao sam with the concussions. classic tie them to a chair. it's what we do. i will be disappointed if they are not tied to a chair jenny? cue studio killers. I do not remember whatever episiode this is but it looks very early based on sam's hair oh thanks sam. couldn't get out of this episode without beheading a woman too one of the suggestions for me typing "woman" was a high-heeled shoe emoji. thanks, predictive text...?????? true feminist oh damn he could very well get tetanus from that. that's how trinity dies, man. should've gotten your booster shot, dean. vaccines save lives this is like the plot of signs why don't you guys wear bulletproof shit. your plot armor was holding you together until now. GUYS THIS IS HOW HUNTERS GO OKAY don't ever un-impale someone, guys like "dean we are in a major city, there are ambulances" call fucking 911, someone could be there already "I've always looked up to you" because you're taller than me lmaoooo idefk what to say about this like. we all know this is how hunters die. you fucking leered at jessica is what you did, dean if sam makes it out of this I'll accept it. if sam lives I can be okay. if this is the only way sam gets free of this, I'm okay. CALL 911 AND CALL JACK "always keep fighting" aw :( they're both very good at crying, I will give them that we never think it's gonna be the day. at least you got pie. OH THE WINCHESTER FAMILY MUSIC don't do this to me dean got a way better death than castiel. this actually reminds me a liiiiittle bit of the end of season 2? with how dean holds sam's body. the writing here is overwrought though. jared and jensen do the best they can with the script they're given but like you guys just FOUGHT GOD. they're a bit too up their own ass with this. you can tell that dabb thinks he's very clever. sam... gets a dog again? at least. i guess. the pacing is bad. I don't hate this on principle but it is not executed well. I am having like no emotional response to this except maybe relief for sam in a horrid way. like, you're free! at what cost. it's like the opposite of season 5? sam survives instead of dean. and... sam marries a dog. where do they get all this fucking lumber!!! did sam chop that all himself dude if he woke up to "heat of the moment" i'd lose my shit in the best way. gabriel wins. "gotta keep you on your toes." what had to change in this because of the pandemic? at least sam has a dog to be in scenes with him. the two guns as big and little brothers is an interesting choice of a shot. god the fucking phones. "DHS" "CIA" "dean's 'other other' phone" "state patrol" what's the paperwork on his desk? (512) is an Austin area code I have this on amazon prime and the saddest thing thus far is X-Ray: Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester, with no other actors at all. meta ways, pandemic related. "this is agent bon jovi" donna's alive??? sam just quit, babe. just quit. or take a day off at least, jesus. didn't you just drive back from ohio are you even gonna go back to the bunker DEAN IN HEAVEN!!! how'd you get here. "well at least I made it to heaven" lmao he said the same thing oh hey bobby!! I love jack god i've missed jim beaver you guys moved on to dream bubbles!!!!! RUFUS how very homestuck + narnia of you, starring sam winchester as susan pevensie so jack just like melded all of these metaphysical spaces, I'm cool with that "so the question is what are you gonna do now, dean?" get a better beer so I can drink and drive with my car that's in heaven, I'm already dead so who cares what I hit TELL ME WHERE IS BALTHAZAR FOR I MUCH DESIRE TO SPEAK WITH HIM break everyone out of the empty I do get the impression this was supposed to be a big cast reunion and the pandemic clobbered that :( oh it's the original license plate on the impala sure do love that cas and jack "helped" to give dean everything he's ever wanted. the only time "carry on my wayward son" has been diegetic I guess sam and the dog had a child I like jared in glasses are we doing a bunch of elderly makeup yeah there he is did they just spray grey temp dye on his hair or what is sam gonna drive into toluca lake!!! buddy please don't just run the engine in a garage, he took off his glasses and that makes me nervous jake gyllenhaal looking dude which cover is this must be nice to have healthcare I so appreciate that sam's wife has zero personality and is merely in the background, of no importance whatsoever compared to his kid named dean are the two impalas gonna meet in heaven????? vancouver is beautiful, or wherever this is at jared looks so cozy in that coat you can tell j2 really do love each other for real the majesty of that forest/that river got me choked up a bit, it's such a lonely thing. like. I can see what they were going for? like dean just... getting sick, falling off a ladder, getting in a car accident, etc etc would've been more potent, I think. the execution was not good. I'm not that unhappy though. it's all right. eh. it's fine. the heartfelt message from the cast (what's left of them....) and the crew was sweet. I want to know what they were intending to do? I feel like you can definitely feel the weight of COVID fucking this up which is genuinely upsetting. sam gets like 50 years of being free of dean I GUESS???? perhaps the only way to break the cycle.

at least there was no sexual assault in this episode. i have definitely watched way worse episodes of this show. it's like. twee. but I can't be mad at these guys especially with how much I know jared in particular has been struggling with the state of the world this year but jensen talked about it with rosenbaum on his show too. 2020 has been rough. like. at least they filmed it. whatever. I feel like I get what they were trying to do even if circumstances meant it wasn't really pulled off. it seems like they were supposed to have a big cast reunion and the pandemic took the wind completely out of their sails. this feels incredibly tacked on. 15x19 would've been a much better place to stop. I feel like I just read andrew dabb's notes. I get what they were trying to go for but they didn't pull it off. I thought it was gonna be a lot worse tbh in summary: EHHHHHHHHH

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

And I’m back from my midseason finale, continuing my journey to decipher how and why a show about two sexy brothers who hunt ghosts aired on television for over a decade. It’s Supernatural! 

Back in 2009, when I rushed head long from “Salvation”/”Devil’s Trap straight into “In My Time of Dying” (Kripke, you’re being a real bitch with these titles), I was not the TV connoisseur who writes tumblr posts about ancient shows that you read before you. The cliffhanger at the end of “Devil’s Trap” is good enough that it didn’t matter that I’d just crossed the threshold from the first season into the second season. What mattered was that Dean was dying in the back seat and holy shiz, they crushed the Impala?? So I popped out one DVD disc and happily plugged in the next without stopping to think what a new season might mean.

Of course, I knew second seasons were precious. You watch Firefly ONCE and you know the fear of a Show Cancelled Too Soon. Supernatural, apparently, was on the edge of cancellation after season 1, but it’s renewal coincided with the birth of the brand new CW, a network built from the ashes of The WB and UPN respectively, that was in need of nightly programming to fill up the air. So Supernatural was saved (aha) from the Cancellation Bear and remained in it’s (primo) Thursday night time slot, 9pm warning label in-tact. 

What do we say to the Cancellation Bear? Not Today!

That’s not to diminish the importance of it’s renewal for season 2! Depending on what network or cable channel (or year), only something like 20 - 30% of freshman shows get renewed for a season 2. To be fair, if every show that aired in the fall got renewed in the spring, there’d be no time slots left for new freshman shows the following fall, so something’s gotta give. SPN getting a season 2, even if the odds were a little more in their favor than they might want you to think, is still pretty miraculous, especially for 2006. Remember, this is pre-streaming services acquiring original content. In 2006, Netflix was a rental service that focused on mailing you DVDs. Via the U.S. Postal Service. And they wouldn’t officially start acquiring distribution licenses for broadcast shows (let alone their own content) until 2007 - two years after SPN started airing. In the early 2000′s, there were fewer opportunities for television shows to make it in front of an audience because there were fewer options for watching television. I’ll say it a hundred times - Supernatural is a DINOSAUR. 

So what do you do when you’re gripped tight and raised from cancellation after your first season? Well if your Supernatural, you start off with one helluva bang.

Maybe more of a wallop. 

As should be obvious by now, I watch a lot of supernatural and Supernatural-Adjacent television. I love a Season One, but very often those shows start to go downhill in Season 2. Why? For the simple fact that your characters are too good now. They’re too powerful. They’ll never be as vulnerable as they were in season 1, and if there’s no vulnerability, there’s less concern about their survivability. I’m not as invested in these characters because I’m not worried about them anymore. There’s not tension of will they/won’t they - you know they will, in the end, overcome. Of course, the solution to this conundrum is to level your villains up alongside your heroes. The trouble with that strategy is you end up with ludicrously, laughably super strong villains that lose their grounding in reality. This is a problem I foresee for SPN post season 5, but I haven’t gotten there yet, so I’ll leave that alone for right now.

So for me, what Supernatural does at the start of season 2 is genius. Think about the end of season 1 - our boys lose. They straight up failed. They had one goal - kill the demon that killed their women mom/wife and girlfriend - and they did not even remotely do that. They’re beaten, they’re bloody and now, just when we think they can’t lose any more, they lose some more. 

I’m gonna be real honest here, this was a real turn on for me Sammy.

First it’s Baby. For two boys who hop from cheap motel to cheap motel, I think it’s safe to say that the Impala is basically their home. They lose the fight and then they lose their home. That’s rough.

Also, Bobby, I love you, but WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S SCRAP?!?!

Next, they almost lose Dean. Dean is the only thing that’s keeping this family together and he is donezo. He’s so gone, a Reaper is concocting an elaborate hallucination to get him to come to terms with his imminent demise. Which honestly, is a very nice thing for this Reaper to do, but also bb, don’t you do it!

You gotta hand it to this Reaper, she really knew allll the right buttons to push.

Next, we lose the Colt. They have one (1) weapon to use against the Yellow-Eyed-Demon and John gives it away. Is he also finally acknowledging that his children require his love and care? Yes. Is this the shittiest decision he’s ever made, even if it is to save the life of his firstborn? ALSO YES.

Pretty damn stupid, JOHN.

And finally, in the last 5 minutes of the episode, we lose John Winchester himself. And this bitch ain’t coming back. He’s gone. He’s gone for good. Sam and Dean spent months searching for their father, building up this legend of a man, and we as an audience spent months right along with them, only to watch him die in the first episode of season 2! Sam and Dean don’t start out season 2 back at square one, they’re back at square -10. Sure they know who the bad guy is now, but they don’t know how to find him, don’t know how to kill him, and the only person who did know can’t help them anymore! And to top it all off, they don’t even have a ride back from the hospital!

JK, we all know Bobby came and picked them up and took him back to his place, he’s the Real Hero of this show. 

Also, I’m getting ahead of myself here but I’m on a roll - John’s last words to Dean are basically a threat that oh yeah, you have one more thing that this war on hell will steal from you. If you can’t save your brother, you’ll have to kill him. Sure John. Sure. Dean’s definitely gonna do that, John, you bitch.

And they don’t just write this loss off. Over the next three episodes we see how deep this failure goes. Sure, our guys are still out there, doing their thing, killing evil sonsabitches, but damn they are torn up and they are not handling it well. 

Listen, I don’t know what your viewing experience is like, but the recaps on my dvd play this scene every episode for the next, like, five episodes. 

“Everybody Loves a Clown” is a very clear attempt to get back to normal. So clear that they even say it in the episode somewhere, but they have a lot of climbing to do before they get anywhere near normal. They’re driving around in a minivan, they’re taking cases from strangers, they’re living as carnies - their whole world is upside down.

We get another low blow in “Bloodlust.” Dean learns that a) no one can replace his father and b) that Monster doesn’t necessarily mean Evil. So at the end of the episode, when he asks Sam, “What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing,” you feel it like a gut punch. Dean doesn’t even get to keep his own faith that he’s doing the right thing anymore.

Hey buddy. While you’re down on the ground, we thought we’d kick ya a little bit, OK?

And then we round that out with “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things,” a nice zombie episode that is definitely not about the zombies. Sam and Dean are still grieving the death of their father in a very real way and I actually think Sam’s idea to visit their mom’s grave is really nice. He obviously took several psych courses and is handling grief in a much healthier, mature way than Dean. That being said, when he starts to go all Psych Major on Dean, even I want to slap him in the face. And then that whole attitude really bites him in the ass when Dean finally does open up and he realizes he’s not qualified to therapize this shit.

Oh no, it OK, don’t be cry!

See, we as the audience know that John Winchester traded his own soul to save Dean’s life, but Dean was in a coma with a Reaper, so there’s no way to know what Dean knows. But that bitch is astute and he figures it out. The Colt gone, their dad gone, and that horrible wrong sensation when he woke up in the hospital all point to the fact that John’s final gift to his son was the crushing weight of guilt. Dean knows that John should be here with Sam, would be here with Sam, if it wasn’t for Dean. And since a demon was involved, Dean probably suspects where John is right now. And that is something that he is just gonna have to carry for the rest of forever. I mean, I love Dean and I’m glad he’s still here, but that’s a real dick move John. 

John Winchester. Ruining Lives from Before and Beyond the Grave. 

Notice the change in this season - with the exception of the Yellow Eyed Demon, these first few episodes are not about the monster. These are Feelings Episodes, ooey gooey Feelings Episodes, that just use the monster-of-the-week to get characters to deal with their inner traumas. This is SPN saying they’re not gonna stay on the surface of this show, they’re gonna dig deep and focus on Character Substance over the Horror FX Style. And in season 2, that still feels fun! As an audience member plowing through these episodes, I was thrilled that this was the direction the show was taking. I was also thrilled that all these episode end with Dean staring dramatically into the middle distance, just some A+ cinematography there gentlemen, great job. 

In order, Ep 201, 202, 203, 204. I was not kidding. 

I’m also noticing, having written all this down, that these are some very Dean-centric episodes. Like, it’s very heavy on the Dean. Which I’m not mad about, but I just think it’s real funny considering that Sam was definitely our lead protagonist/entry point into season 1.

Now though? This is honestly my biggest fear as I continue my quest to make it through the entire series. I know how it ends. I have a tumblr account and sometimes I like spoilers to prep me for what’s coming, so I know how this all shakes out. And I think the reason that I sort of gave up on the series was because at some point, these Feelings episodes get too heavy. If all your characters are always bogged down by grief and guilt and loss, at some point that’s not enjoyable to watch anymore. You’ve gotta give them a win at some point. A real win that doesn’t come with caveats like Dean sold his soul to the devil, or, Sam’s locked in a cage with the devil, or really anything involving the devil at all. 

So while I’m enjoying season 2 still, I am worried that my enjoyment level is gonna sink as the series goes on. But that’s still a ways down the road, so in the meantime, have more of Dean staring dramatically into the middle distance.

[brittle-bone-gabe]

And We’ll Float Away: Chapter Two- Derry Town House

Chapter One, Chapter Three,

Summary: The Losers manage to get Eddie out of the cave, even with a hole in his stomach from Pennywise. From there on, when Eddie saw his life flash before his eyes, he realizes that this wasn’t the life he wanted to live. No, he wanted a better one, with a better person. Pairings: Reddie (Eddie x Richie), Benverly (Ben x Beverly) Read on Ao3: Here

The Losers were silent after pulling themselves out of the Quarry, Eddie was more than happy to finally get out of that nasty water, ready to take a real shower. Ben and Beverly had been holding hands the entire trip back, as if they have been dating this entire time after all these years; like they haven’t ever drifted apart. Eddie was still wearing Richie’s shirt, it was clinging tightly to his body from the quick swim everyone had. Yeah, it was uncomfortable with how it was clinging, but there was no way Eddie was taking if off just yet, it was like a… security blanket wrapped around him, he didn’t want to let go of it until he was safe in his own room at the town house. Lowkey, but would never admit it, Eddie could see why Richie wore these stupid fucking Hawaiian shirts, it was comfortable and loose. Maybe he’d pick himself up some.

Eddie could feel someone staring at him as he pushed his damp hair off from his forehead, when he looked over he just saw Richie in the process of looking away from him. Fucking dick is making fun of me… he thought. That was the last thing Richie was doing, in fact, Richie was having trouble not staring at Eddie.

God… Eddie Kaspbrak is wearing one of my shirts, Richie couldn’t help but think when giving him a sideways glance, he was now picking at the bandage on his left cheek. Richie just wanted to reach over and grab his stupid hand, to tell him not to pick at it, but he knew that Eddie knew that better than anyone to not pick at wounds or bandages. His eyes drifted back to his shirt that was still clinging onto Eddie. And goddamn did he look hot wearing it, he thought to himself again, turning away just in case Eddie were to see his now reddening face.

Mike looked up from the sidewalk they were walking on, seeing the library coming up quickly.

“Alright, guys,” he started, stopping in his tracks, the rest of the Losers stopping to look at him, “I’m gonna grab my stuff. We’ll meet at the bar afterwards?”

“Your st-st-stuff?” Bill wondered aloud, “whe-where are you gonna g-g-go?”

Mike thought about it for a moment, not exactly sure how to answer that.

“Another library? Solve another non-existent towns mystery?” Richie suggested playfully with a one arm shrug as his hands were shoved in his jeans pockets. “Oh! We can be like Scooby and the Gang!” He looked at the other Losers who had smiles on their faces, even Eddie which boosted Richie’s ego quite a bit. “We can travel around solving mysteries. More clowns dead, better for us. Whatdaya say?”

There were a collection of Beep-Beep Richie coming from the Losers which caused the taller man to roll his eyes. They clearly didn’t see a good joke when it was in front of them. He looked at Eddie again, who just lightly shook his head, trying to hide the smile on his face now.

“Bev would be Fred, of course,” he started again, “always taking charge. Mike; you’re Velma, so smart.”

“Wait, what if I want to be Fred,” Ben asked Richie who shrugged again.

“I see you more as Daphne, y’know, damsel in distress kinda thing.” Ben reached over, punching Richie rather hard in the arm. “Oh, ow,” he said sarcastically, rubbing the stinging area. “Ed’s is Scrappy; sooooo annoying!”

“Fuck you, dick.”

“In time, Ed’s,” he said with a wink.

“I…” Mike was cut off from his own chuckling at Richie’s jokes, “I’m not sure where I’ll be going yet, but…” he pulled out his phone that he, thankfully, left on shore before jumping in the Quarry, “I’ll be sure to stay in touch.”

“Ooh! Good idea!” Bev said happily, taking out her own phone, unlocking it, “we gotta make a group chat. Richie, what’s your number?” “312-227-IfuckedEddie’smom.” Everyone groaned at his response.

Eddie smacked his arm. “Shut the fuck up!”

“You’re… such a… tiny, angry man…”

“I am normal height, Richie! It’s not my fault you’re Bigfoot!”

Once everyone exchanged numbers, Mike promised to meet them all at the local bar before heading back to the library to collect what little items he had stored away there. There was something heavily satisfying about being able to pack everything away from the library after staying there for years. Honestly, Mike never envisioned himself being able to leave this place, leave it as far away as possible. Years spent here finally paid off; Pennywise was dead, there was no more reason to stick around here anymore, everyone would be safe now thanks to the Losers.

Everyone’s phone went off, indicating that they all got a text message. They couldn’t help but all check; it was a text message from the group chat that Bev called Losers Club. Everyone groaned when they saw the text that came through from Richie. He had sent everyone a clown emoji alongside a knife emoji. Yeah, he thought that was so fuckin’ funny.

“Richie…” Bill said, throwing him a glare from over his shoulder.

“I’m funny! Right, Stan?”

“How do I block someone's number?” Stan asked aloud, tapping away at his phone.

“God, maybe I should start charging you guys for my jokes like I do everyone else. Ungrateful.” His phone went off in his pocket. When he checked it it was a middle finger emoji text from Eddie. When he looked over at the smaller man he saw that he couldn’t keep his smile contained anymore, letting out a laugh. “I hate you.”

“Okay, I want to block both of them, how do I do that?” Ben asked, holding his phone out to Bev, who lightly smacked his arm.

“Aww, why can’t we be like that, Eds?” Richie lightly bumped into Eddie’s shoulder.

“Hmm… maybe because you’re an unfunny slob.”

Richie stopped walking as the others kept going, he looked hurt from Eddie’s words. Well, not really, but he had to make sure Eddie thought that.

“Wow, wow, wow. Hurtful,” he said before catching back up to them, “maybe you should come with me to Chicago, Eddie Spaghetti. I’ll show you around, show you a good time. Whatdaya think?”

“Absolutely not. I have to go back to New York.”

“Right. Your wife,” Richie almost spat, rolling his eyes, “we can… bring her along,” he forced out.

“She hates your guts, Richie.”

“Ouch. Her approval is all I needed in life and now? Hm. I don’t know how to go on.”

“Wait, why does she hate Richie? I mean, we get it,” Stan asked.

Beverly had to hide her laughter, putting her hand up to her mouth as she looked over to Ben who had a smile on his face. She missed this. She missed goofing off with the Losers, god, all these years were wasted with them all forgetting about each other. Imagine them in college together? Imagine them getting wasted at odd hours in the night, talking about life and goofing around. If Bev could hit the rewind button so they wouldn’t have ever gotten each other and could spend more time together than she would’ve hit it in a second.

“She thinks you’re annoying, annnd you’re not funny,” Eddie continued.

“So she has the same views as the rest of us?” Bill wondered, “huh… maybe she should join the Losers Club.”  

“When did this turn into a roasting session about me?”

“The moment you opened your mouth,” Ben finally said.

“...alright, I guess I’ll just go fuck myself.”

The rest of the walk back to the town house was like watching a bunch of teenagers walking home from school. They were all loud, making jokes, and laughing loudly. The Losers Club was robbed, that was for sure. All those memories they lost of their childhood, all those late nights they had spending the night, drinking stolen cheap alcohol, smoking cigarettes trying to seem badass and adult-like, all that time they spent in their clubhouse that Ben had made. What else have they forgotten?

Once they reached the empty town house, Richie was ready for a drink. He leaned over the counter, trying to see if there was any booze left over. Unlucky. Of course. Beverly lit up a cigarette to get rid of the stress that was today. She did a mental headcount, making sure to count Mike who was busy getting his stuff together so he could leave this town behind forever. Everyone was here, all seven of them made it out of the battle alive and that’s all she could’ve hoped for, especially since her visions… those horrible visions she was sure was about to come true. She’d seen how Stan should’ve died - taking his own life in the bathtub; she’d seen how Eddie was supposed to die - from that wound in the cave, but because of Richie staying with him he managed to cheat death.

Maybe the Losers were harder to kill than the Deadlights gave them credit for.

Bev snapped out of her thoughts when Ben put a hand on her back, bringing her back into reality. Bill was now standing up on the stairs, looking at the other Losers.

“After 27 fucking years we finally killed that fucking cl-cl-clown,” he said with a huge smile on his face, “I’m so pr-proud of us.”

Everyone cheered, holding up their hands as if they had drinks to toast with. They’d make a proper toast once they were all down at the bar. He turned around to head upstairs with Bev, Ben, and Stan following behind him.

Being alone with Eddie made Richie’s heart race, he could literally feel it slamming against his chest. Now was his chance. He could tell Eddie exactly how he felt, how he felt towards him since they were kids, remembering how he felt the moment he saw him again after all these years. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what should he say?! What shouldn’t he say?

When Richie snapped out of his thoughts he saw that Eddie was making his way up the stairs. Thinking fast, Richie reached out, grabbing Eddie’s arm to stop him. He couldn’t say anything, his mouth was opened as if he was about to speak but no words came out. Fuck.

“Eddie-” He started, trying to think on his toes to get something across at least.

“I’ll give the shirt back,” Eddie said, assuming he knew what Richie was going to say, tugging a little bit on the collar, “but… I should probably wash it first. It has bacteria water and some of my blood on it, sorry. But I’ll get it back to you before we leave.”

“Oh…” Richie let go of his arm, chewing on his bottom lip, thinking of what to say still since he still had his attention, “that’s not what I-”

“Your jacket?” Eddie assumed again, “I think we left it at the Quarry. It’s covered in my blood, Rich, I don’t think you want it back,” he leaned against the stair railing, still feeling a slight aching pain in his stomach from where the stab wound had healed on its own. It wasn’t the same pain he felt when he got and after he got stabbed, but it was more of a healing ache.

Richie couldn’t help but smile at him, letting out a small chuckle as he rubbed his eyes from underneath his glasses. “No, you idiot. I was going to ask if you were okay.”

The exact moment Richie finished his sentence Eddie’s head started swimming with everything he wanted to say all at once. He had quite a few opinions based on that question. Should he lie about how he was really feeling? He always thought of Richie as his best friend, so why would he lie about that? It was rare, if Eddie was remembering correctly, that Richie would make sure someone was okay. Normally he would crack really stupid jokes as his own way of asking someone if they were okay.

“Oh…” Eddie’s face felt hot as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “are you actually asking or…?”

“No, no, no, I mean it. Are you okay?”

The sincerity in his voice caught Eddie off guard; yeah, this was something he didn’t remember Richie doing at all. Hell, Richie made a joke at the restaurant sounding seriously interested in his career as a risk analyst but then pretended that he fell asleep since it was “so boring.” He was waiting for Richie to crack a joke, but the look on his face indicated that it wasn’t going to happen.

What the hell.

Eddie took a deep breath in, telling Richie that he was about to speak quickly, so he was mentally preparing himself to try to keep up.

“I’m fine besides the fact we swam around in that nasty ass Quarry,” he started quickly, putting a hand over the bandage on his left cheek, “y’know? I just know that there’s some kinda infection trying to set in as we speak. Fortunately, yet unfortunately, it takes about two or three days before an actual infection sets in, so I would have time to try to cut that down by putting antibacterial cream on it, but-”

Yeah, Richie is starting to regret asking him.

“You’ll be fine, spaghetti man,” Richie said, cutting him off as he stepped up on the same step Eddie was on. He wrapped his arm around his best friends shoulders, they slowly walked up to the top floor.

There was a strange comfort flooding over Eddie with Richie’s arm wrapped around him. As much as he wanted playfully shove him off like he used to when they were kids, but this time it felt different, like Richie actually want to comfort him. He had to stop himself from leaning into his side.

“When’s your flight back to New York?” Richie asked once they were at the top of the stairs.

“I… haven’t booked one yet…”

Well, mark Richie down as surprised. He would’ve expected that Eddie had booked it on the way back from the Quarry, knowing him. Everything had to be planned out in advance for him so he felt like he had order and control in his life.

“No? Why not?” He asked, his arm still around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie hesitated for a moment, he didn’t end up saying anything, instead he just shook his head as if he didn’t want to say anything. “What? What aren’t you telling me, Eds?”

“I just…” he tugged at the wet shirt that was clinging uncomfortably at his torso before shrugging, not even sure what to say or why he wasn’t even planning on buying a ticket yet. “I just want to stay here for a little while longer,” he admitted, “what about you? When are you heading back to Chicago?”

“I… haven’t booked anything either.”

“You’re so unprepared…”

Richie was speechless. There was so much he wanted to say to him, especially since he had his arm still around Eddie, wanting to tell him everything he was feeling and what he felt for years. Why was this so hard? Maybe because the other Losers were still here, if he said anything and they happened to overhear then they would make fun of him? Hell, he’s never come out to anyone before about his sexuality and he was terrified of the responses. Especially since he was famous, what would that do to his career? Would it be over for him just as his career was starting? That would fucking suck. Especially since this was a job he really enjoyed.

Not right now, he decided.

“I’m gonna clean up with real. Clean. Water!” Eddie announced loudly so the other Losers could hear him.

In return, he could hear a collection of fuck off’ s from those in their rooms, sick of his shit obviously. He moved from Richie’s arm, walking down to his room at the end of the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Richie stood there in stunned silence as he watched Eddie walk away from him. He had no fucking idea why he was so anxious and suddenly so speechless. God, yeah, he felt like a fucking idiot and he had no idea why. Was it trauma from the events of today? Well, no doubt there was some underlying trauma bouncing around his brain now, but he was expecting to repress it for a few years before looking back on it when he was in his 60’s. Hell, he did think his best friend in the whole world was going to die, fuck, he thought Eddie had died and he was crazy for feeling a weak pulse and everyone was right when they kept telling him he was dead. Deadlights? Could that also cause trauma? What the fuck were even the Deadlights? How would he bring that up to a therapist?

He let out a sigh, as he finally figured out what to say to Eddie, but when he opened his mouth to speak he realized it was already too late since he long since when into his room to clean up. Great job, Trashmouth, you blew your chance, Richie thought as he slumped back into his own room, which was right across the hall from Eddie’s. He tried closing his door, but it didn’t quite click with the latch on the doorframe, so it was still slightly opened.

Richie stood in front of the mirror that was propped up on the wall over the dresser. He couldn’t help but stare at himself, all he could see was Eddie’s nonexistent blood still all over his face. It caused his breathing to hitch from panic, he was scared to close his eyes to sleep now, he knew all he was going to see was Eddie getting stabbed by Pennywise, watching him thrown around like a ragdoll all over again. Why did this have to fucking happen? Why couldn’t Mike have just called them for a get together, a normal get together after all these years to catch up? Just throw Pennywise out of the entire equation and it would’ve been a great time with friends.

He took off his glasses finally, snapping out of his thoughts. He looked at them, seeing Eddie’s blood stuck through the cracks that refused to wash away with the rest of the blood and dirt. There was no way these were getting fixed anytime soon, not until he got back home to Chicago. Thankfully he had an extra pair in his dufflebag that he always carried around just in case, since he was as blind as a bat without them and he refused to use contacts, as he was too squeamish to put them in himself.

Kneeling down next to the black dufflebag on the floor, Richie started going through it, tossing out the extra clothes he brought trying to find the glasses case. Where were they? He knew he packed them. He grumbled to himself, as he could barely see even with the glasses on since they had a crack that made them useless.

Thank fuck, Richie thought as he found the black glasses case.

He stood up again, his knee popping as he did. He tossed his old pair onto his bed before opening up the case, putting on the backup pair. Finally. He could see clearly again.

Standing at the end of his bed with his back to the door, Richie didn’t know what to do now. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts for too long, he needed someone to talk to. Fuck, he didn’t have anyone to talk to about anything that just happened. Besides whatever the hell just happened in the sewer, he didn’t want to talk about that right now, he wanted to talk about his feelings. Feelings… about what exactly? Richie wasn’t sure about that one. Maybe his manager was right… maybe he needed to take up therapy to get this shit off his chest.

Richie let out a sigh, snapping out his own thoughts for therapy and everything about his career that was suddenly causing him stress. He should be celebrating right now, he and his only true friends killed the thing that tormented them for years, saving a bunch of other people in the process. Why didn’t he feel like anything special happened? For some reason he was craving some validation and wasn’t sure where to get it from. Finally, Richie started taking off the wet shirt that was clinging to him, struggling in the process since it felt like it didn’t want to come off, he felt a small sense of panic, like he was never going to be able to get it off. Once it was covering his head he heard a small knock on the door, along with the creaky door hinges opening.

“Rich, man, I totally forgot I got stabbed in my bathroom, I don’t think I can-” Eddie had started as he walked into his room, thinking it would be okay since the door was opened. The instant he saw Richie look at him, the shirt off over his head but his arms still in the sleeves he felt embarrassed. It didn’t help that Richie gave him a small, awkward smile in return. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. The door was opened…” Eddie stammered, turning away as he could feel his face becoming hot.

Eddie jumped slightly when Richie let out a laugh, dropping the shirt on the floor at his feet. “Don’t be so dramatic, Eds, we’ve gone swimming in the Quarry a shit ton of times in just our underwear, remember?”

Well… now he remembered that.

Eddie couldn’t help himself when he rolled his eyes. He didn’t look away from Richie because he was embarrassed, but because he knew that since his face was feeling hot that it was probably turning a bright shade of red and didn’t want Richie to make fun of him for that. Since Richie did bring up the fact that they used to go swimming in the Quarry a bunch of times as kids, that didn’t really matter, but it was the fact that they haven’t seen each other in years. It was almost as if they were strangers in some way, but… not really? Like… they should’ve felt like strangers, but they all had the type of friendship that never changed, no matter how long they’ve been away from each other.

“Oh, uh…” Eddie started, clearing his throat before turning to face Richie again who still had that stupid smile on his face, “can I use your shower?” He asked quickly.

Richie let out a long and dramatic sigh, resting his cheek on his hand as he stared at Eddie. “I suppooooseee soooo,” he said just as dramatically.

“ Coolthanks,” Eddie said quickly, turning around to leave the room but accidentally slammed his shoulder into the door on his way out. Richie could hear him curse under his breath as he left to go get some clean clothes and a towel, as there was no way he would use a towel that didn’t belong to him since he had no idea where it’s been and it had to be clean.

Richie moved into his bed, laying down on the sheets with his arms crossed behind his head, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes to relax and waiting for Eddie to come back. Waiting for him to come back? He was just using his shower, that was it.

Should I tell him how I feel? Wait, what even do I feel? No, never mind. All these thoughts were flooding through Richie’s mind all at once and he wanted them to stop. God, he was happy to see his friends, but at what cost? A clown fucking with them, his best friend almost dying, and now he’s stuck with all these feelings that’s been tormenting him for most of his  adolescence.

The moment the door opened again, Richie’s eyes shot open, seeing Eddie walk back into his room with a pile of clothes and towel folded neatly. Of course he probably took the extra time to fold them before coming back. Fucking loser. Eddie stopped at the bathroom door, turning to look at Richie who was still shirtless; if Richie didn’t know any better he thought he was checking him out.

“That’s disgusting,” was the only thing Eddie said, snapping Richie out of his thoughts.

Richie instinctively looked down at his chest then back up to Eddie. “Not enjoying the view?” He asked playfully, a goofy smile on his face.

“I meant you laying on your bed after swimming around in that nasty water, you fucking idiot.”

Richie’s cheeks turned pink. “Oh. Well. What is it that the kids say? YOLO? Because… YOLO.”

Eddie gave Richie a look that screamed I can’t believe you fucking said that, you idiot. He flipped him off, and Richie couldn’t help but laugh at him, he was so fucking cute.

“Aww, fuck you too, Eds,” Richie said as he flipped him off in return. Eddie shook his head, going into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

Great. Now Richie was alone with his thoughts. Again.

He was trying to recall what he saw in the Deadlights. How long was he in there again? Five minutes? Five hours? It certainly felt like a lifetime, almost like he didn’t want to leave. He remembered that much. Richie had felt… happy… in the Deadlights, he certainly did not want to leave, like he actually had a life, a life he didn’t want to leave. A life he wanted to have in real life. Why couldn’t he stay? God, it sounded like he was hooked on a drug and needed to take another hit in order to feel a purpose.

Richie closed his eyes, only seeing one thing… Seeing Eddie getting stabbed by Pennywise. His blood all over him. He’s going to die, you have to save him. Save him, Richie. Who else would save him if not him?

“Richie, hey, Richie?” He heard Eddie’s voice calling his name. He wasn’t sure if this was real or just reliving what happened hours ago. He felt someone shaking his shoulder, causing Richie to open his eyes again. When he looked over he certainly didn’t expect to see Eddie standing next to him, dripping wet from the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

Richie’s eyes went wide in surprise as he quickly sat up in his bed, scared that if he didn’t react now something else would happen to him.

“What? What’s wrong?!” Richie blurted out, thinking that he was hurt or something. He couldn’t help himself when his eyes traveled down to Eddie’s stomach to make sure there wasn’t a hole where he had gotten stabbed. Hell, there wasn’t even a scar. It was like nothing happened.

“Is your soap antibacterial?” Eddie asked him, grabbing the towel around his waist so it wouldn’t fall.

“Um…” Richie pinched the bridge of his nose, not expecting that’s what Eddie wanted. “I don’t… I don’t think so, buddy. Is there a difference?” He asked, looking up at Eddie again as he dropped his hands to the mattress.

Eddie took in a deep breath, indicating that he was about to start speaking really fast again. “Well, there’s really no difference between normal and antibacterial soap,” he started, catching Richie off guard, “but normal soap removes germs from us while antibacterial soap kills bacteria and stops their growth.”

“Oh wow, dude…” Richie breathed out, trying to process everything Eddie was trying to say. “I’m gonna say no.”

“Did you know the FDA is even trying to ban antibacterial soap from being sold at the store because there’s really no difference?”

“Okay…” RIchie said, standing up.

He grabbed Eddie’s shoulders, spinning him around so he was in front of him as he kept talking about the fucking soap. Richie walked Eddie back over to the bathroom until he was standing in front of the door. He pushed him inside so he was in front of the sink before closing the door so Eddie could take a shower and stop talking about soap. Soap, soap, soap. Did it really fucking matter?

Richie pressed his back against the cold surface of the door, letting out a sigh as he rubbed his face in frustration.

He was in love with a goddamn idiot.

[fuck-bowers]

never got over him (richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak)

(a/n: I’ve never written a true reddie fic, but bill hader’s outstanding performance drove me to write this super, super sad fic. let me know what you think!)

“And you never knew How much I really liked you Because I never even told you Oh, but I meant to Are you still there?” - Back to the Old House / The Smiths

It was months ago. It was months ago and you still couldn’t shake it.

You hadn’t met anybody else; and maybe that’s why you always thought it was a passing phase, never wanted to “come out with it”, because Eddie was the only man who’d ever made you feel like you could truly love a man. Like you could live forever with him, only the two of you, bantering til you both died.

He died without you, and every day since you half wished you didn’t make it out of that pit either.

Sometimes it was a full desire you had to suppress. Sometimes you couldn’t suppress it. As the days went by, the weight became heavier.

One day, it was finally too much to carry.

_____________________________________________

“So when are you gonna come out with it?”

Thomas, a fellow comedian, asked you late at night in your apartment. Cigarette smoke poured from his mouth and shone blue in the moonlight from the adjacent window.

The question was rarely asked, but when it was suddenly presented to you out of the blue, you reverted right back to your childhood disgust like a bad mental reflex. Anxiety filled your lungs and bubbled out of your throat and spilled out your mouth.

“... Come out with what?”

Thomas took another drag, staring at you with those sharp blue-grey eyes of his. You always had a fondness for them; their raw intensity juxtaposed with his comical nature.

“I mean, like knows like. I know this is something you bury under jokes. We all learned to laugh rather than cry about things we’re afraid of, things we’re insecure about. I’m just wondering, since you’re only getting older… Since we’re only getting older, when you’re hoping to... You know. Open that door. Especially now that people are more accepting. I know when we were kids… It was harder to do.”

Thomas only wanted to help. You were sure of that. But it didn’t feel helpful.

“I don’t…” You scoffed in a laugh, a bitter taste in your throat. “I didn’t realize you worked for the CIA, this interrogation is top notch, Tom, really-”

“Rich,” He interrupted with a smile. “Come on. It’s me.”

There was silence for a moment, before he spoke once more.

“You had a friend, I thought, who just passed. You were talking about him the other night shitfaced. His name was… Eddie? I think?”

You stared at him, emotions flowing through you like the gushing water from a violently burst dam. You furrowed your eyebrows, taking a sharp inhale.

You hated talking about him like this. When he died, it felt like he became an imaginary friend that belonged only to you. No one else could keep the privilege of knowing him like you did. Not his mother, not his widowed wife. Not even the other Losers.

Thomas wouldn’t understand. No one would.

“Yeah. Eddie. Kaspbrak.” You muttered, voice wavering slightly as you felt your chest tighten.

_____________________________________________

There was never a specific moment that you fell in love, only a moment in which you had verification for sure that you truly were in love the whole time. Every moment around Eddie afterward was either heaven or agony.

“Eds. Either take that ridiculous fucking shower cap off, or go home and shower.”

Eddie scoffed, that short, cute way he would anytime you said anything to him.

“I’m not letting ceiling dirt or hungry bugs into my hair just cuz my cap annoys you. Stan told me he didn’t wear his one time, and the next day it was like he had dirt dandruff for a week.”

It made you let out a laugh. Butterflies followed.

“Wow. I’ll have to ask him how the ‘hungry bugs’ affected his fro.”

“Well, you won’t have to ask me about my hair.” Eddie was reading a comic book in the hammock, legs hanging off the side.

“Take it off.”

“I will not.”

“Eddie.”

“Fuck off!” He squeaked. “It stays on. This place is dirty as hell.”

You got up out of your seat and reached for the cap, but Eddie was quicker and backed up onto the edge of the hammock.

“Stay away!”

“I warned you, Eddie!”

“No! No you didn’t, actually-”

The two of you began to wrestle, you aiming towards the head, him aiming at your stomach.

“Fuck! Don’t tickle me!” You cried, unable to keep the smile off your face, or the laughter out of your mouth.

“I’ll do what I have to do!” Eddie yelled.

“I am the fashion police, take off the fucking shower cap!”

“Don’t infringe upon my clubhouse rights!” He quickly cried.

“I’m not infringing! I have a warrant!”

“A warrant?” He loudly repeated in surprise, the two of you laughing hysterically, so much so that neither of you noticed you were about to slip off the edge of the hammock and onto the floor.

When you did, landing on both the hard ground and each other, the laughter petered into groans.

“You idiot.” Eddie croaked, sitting up and holding his shower cap against his head.

You sat up and looked at him with a smile, and the two of you, lightly intertwined, sitting awfully close, looked into each other’s eyes. Your smiles slowly faded into hesitant expressions, waiting for something that the two of you knew would never come.

That’s when it hit you. That’s when you knew that you really, truly, did love him. The worst part of it was that you knew there’d be no escaping it.

Even when neither of you had the courage to lean forward just a few inches and kiss, or to spill the fact that you might want to be more than friends - even though the two of you were totally alone, for the first time in a long time - you knew nothing could come of it. What if he didn’t want you back? There was no way. It’d ruin the friendship you held above everything else.

“Fuck.” You thought, and realized a second later that you muttered it out loud.

Eddie immediately scoffed, sarcastically smiling. Behind his eyes you could see a type of fear that you knew too well. “What?”

In a last ditch effort to change the subject, you quickly snatched the cap from off of his head and shouted “Gotcha!” in his face, getting up as quickly as you could and racing up the clubhouse stairs.

“You dick!” Eddie laughed, racing after you.

27 years later, you relived this moment every day in your mind, even if just for a moment or two.

_____________________________________________

The memory you wished you could never relive, but did all the time, were the last moments of Eddie’s life. Him hovering over you, excited as all hell that he rescued you from the deadlights, that he killed the monster by himself just because he believed he could. Bev told him, apparently, that that’s all it took.

Bev wasn’t wrong. You didn’t resent her for telling him that, not really. Maybe his belief wavered. Maybe he got lost in the excitement and in your eyes and maybe the two of you lived in a cruel fucking world where aliens can kill innocent people for centuries until there’s no other perfectly innocent children or people to kill, only a bunch of broken adults that made a pact long ago.

Eddie wasn’t broken yet. Neither were you, really. Not until that moment.

_____________________________________________

This wasn’t really stuff you could tell a shrink. You, of course, tried - because there was nothing else to do. You had to talk about it to somebody. Sitting in your apartment for days on end smoking cigarettes and crying to yourself trying to make up jokes wasn’t doing shit for anybody, especially you.

“And… And he died, while the rest of us were busy taunting this… Clown alien thing that terrorized us as kids. And we go back, after it’s all said and done, the clown is dead, we, uh… We ripped up his heart, and…”

This part of the story was always too much to tell. You hated crying in front of people, but there was no avoiding the pain that this memory conjured.

“And…”

Fuck. You couldn’t even finish the story. The older woman before you wearing old-timey glasses and that critical, confused expression she always had on barely blinked as she stared. You sniffled, wiping the tears from your eyes. It actually felt like your heart was vomiting up feelings.

“And I come back to tell him the news, how we did it, how we didn’t have to worry anymore, and… He’d have been so happy, I knew he would be… And he has this dumb, not… Not-there expression on his face. And I try to wake him up, and sure, I thought he lost a lot of blood, but I didn’t… I didn’t think he’d…”

It was too much to bear. Your level-headed volume of speech bordered hysterical as you remembered that fateful day.

“We left him. We left him down there. I still…. I can’t believe he’s still down there. And always will be. And there’s nothing I can do about it. And he’s gone, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I fucking miss him… So much. It’s all I can think about since it happened.”

There was a long moment of silence, Dr. Elbert staring at you with pained eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You breathlessly bid, wiping your face. She adjusted her seat.

“No, no, don’t be sorry, Richie, I’m glad you’re talking about all this.”

She scribbled a note down on her pad before looking back up at you with a smile.

“This dream was so traumatizing, but it lets us in on what you’re truly feeling, and that’s the best part. I’m glad you’re opening up about it, because we get to see what your mind is trying to tell you. This is pain, so deeply rooted inside you that it’s the most vivid within your subconscious, and you feel these invented experiences to the point where it seems like reality. Eddie, who’s killed right in front of you, is the subject that triggered your first realization of your sexuality. You didn’t get to be with him at such a critical time, moments before his death in the dream, and together with him in real life - because you were busy killing an entity that ruined your childhood and poisoned the rest of your life with undeserved shame. The bullying you experienced, Richie, IS that monster. You’re trying to bury the pain, you’re trying to eradicate the negativity that you’ve been tortured with all this time. And after you no longer feel that pain, after you killed the shame, you feel free to finally be with him, it’s too late - he’s gone. Do you see what I’m getting at? You’re so focused on that shame, too embarrassed of it to let it exist for another second longer... that you let the love of your life go. And you feel so guilty about it that it manifests in your dreams.”

She scribbled another note on her notepad.

“Was this dream only a one-time dream three months back, or is it recurring? Oh, and have you mentioned this dream to Eddie at all?” She lifted her gaze to meet yours, pen ready to write, hovering above the paper.

You stared at her through deadened eyes half filled with tears. You took a deep breath in.

“Is our hour up, yet?” You asked, bitterly.

___________________________________________

It was so late at night and you didn’t want to call him. You didn’t want to need anybody. You didn’t want to have panic attacks or dreams that triggered them at three in the morning. But it turned out, at least in the moment, that you were that person.

Eddie was an adult - usually in your dreams, he was a boy, and so were you. But now he was older, and so were you. However, not forty, but thirty. Eddie’s forehead lines that you loved to see when he lifted his brows in surprise were dulled by youth, a youth you never got to be apart of in life. His hair was combed neatly the way it always was and it shone chestnut in the sunlight, and the pigeons in the park walked around your picnic blanket, and you waved them away from the sandwiches and fruits scattered in front of you.

“Hey, back off, assholes, no one invited you!” You hollered, and most of the pests flew away.

“One of these birds is gonna shit all over our food, I just know it. There’s a million of them out here.” Eddie muttered.

You scoffed. “Eds, why are you always worried about everything? If you eat the food rather than talk about how worried you are, nothing bad like that can happen.”

He smiled at you. “Wow. I forgot you were the ultimate optimist.”

You shrugged. “Well, yeah, a pigeon could ruin everything, but not really. We’d just go get takeout or something. The walk would probably be nice.”

For a moment, all you could hear were the muffled noises of the city, cars and talking people and laughing kids and chirping of chickadees.

You looked at Eddie tenderly. He was the most handsome you’d ever seen him.

“Nothing could ruin our time. Cuz it’s our time. I get to be with you, and...”

Eddie stared at you with a smile so genuine it warmed your heart. Sunlight touched beneath your skin for the very first time.

“You really feel that way?” He asked, barely concealing excitement.

You let out a laugh. You couldn’t believe he didn’t see.

“Eddie, I love you. I’ve… I’ve loved you since we were kids. I can’t get enough of you. Really. Don’t you know that by now?”

It looked like you’d given him a deed to Disneyland. He smiled and looked down.

“I just wanted to hear you say it. I… I never got to hear you say it, did I?”

It felt like a crack suddenly split into your heart.

“What do you mean?” You asked, fear in your tone.

He began to tear up, and it ran the crack in your quickly beating heart right through.

“I, uh… I didn’t get to hear you admit it. Until now, but now it’s too late, and… I miss you, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you, either. I love you, I love you, I’m sorry.” Eddie’s words jumbled and melted into tears, and in a rush of sadness you reached out and held his face, over the picnic basket that you shoved to the side, getting on your knees and crawling over to him.

“Eddie, stop.” You said, now tearing up yourself. “Stop. We’re here now, and even if it’s just right now, right now is real, because we’re both here. It’s real. And we love each other. And we both know we do.”

“But it’s too late!” He interjected, looking at you with those big sad brown eyes you’d fallen in love with so many years ago. “We waited too long! We forgot about each other! And we-”

You quickly kissed him. It was the embrace you’d always waited for, that you’ve always been too scared to administer yourself. Finally, it was happening, and he was kissing you back with all the emotion you knew he’d withheld all that time, matching your long unrequited love.

You’d always dreamed that he’d really loved you back. Your happiness was unparalleled.

He grabbed the back of your head and you put your hand to the side of his neck, pressing into the kiss.

It was the greatest kiss you’d ever had, until it was over.

You woke up cold, shivering in the sheets of your king sized bed, alone in LA in the dark.

It was raining outside. 

It never rained in California.

You didn’t want to call him. You really didn’t. But ten minutes of bawling your eyes out and feeling like your heart was ready to explode was too much to do alone, so late at night. This was the final straw. You had to get over Eddie. You had to let him go.

“I’m so sorry I woke you up, I didn’t want to wake you up,” You spoke, words rushing out one after the other to try and apologize to Thomas, who walked inside from the pouring rain. “I, I j-just had the worst-”

He quickly pulled you into a hug, and though it had that wet, unpleasant feeling to it from the rain, it was the warmest embrace you’d felt since you’d hugged Eddie, just months before.

You unloaded, crying hysterically into his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” You sobbed, his jacket muffling your cry.

He ran a hand through your hair, holding you close, holding you tightly.

“No, Rich. I’m sorry.”

__________________________________________

[deep-nerd]

BRO I LOV YOUR OCS WHADDA HELL. CAN U TELL ME MORE ABOUT THOSE MAD LAD SIBS. SORRY IF YOUVE DONE IT B4 AND I MISSED THE POST

NAH NAH UR GOOD! I can totally like sit down and infodump! 

im gonna put this under a read more

also TLDR: Leelas is a punk ass bitch who i love 

To start im gonna begin with the world. You got Genesis (Heaven basically but not the Christian Heaven.) and Cesstation (Hell.) and then Gaia (Earth) 

My universe does have like biblical themes but i take the God and worshiping aspect out of it. Genesis and Cesstation are other dimensions with creatures that fit the descriptions of what humans call angels and demons. which they are right! They are Angels and Demons lmao. 

I have Genesis more fleshed out than Cesstation unfortunately. But anyhow! Genesis has a ruling class, basically the same status of what the people of Gaia refer to as God, a monarchy. They call the rulers Archangels! 

Now here is where Leelas and Jackson comes in. 

Leelas and Jackson are the sons of Gabriel Gustav and his wife (who i have not designed yet.. or named.) Gabriel was the current Archangel, raising Leelas, his first born child, to be the next archangel. Jackson had no problems with this, meaning they can dick around as much as they want! They were the clown of Genesis, always getting into trouble, getting Leelas into trouble, getting out of trouble with more shit, trying to get Leelas to also dick around and play, and they acted like this for y e a r s. 

And people loved them. Jackson would stroll into town, flirt with e v e r y o n e, steal some bread, nap, and get scolded by Gabriel... who only sighed and then laughed. Now even though Jackson was very uh lazy?? is that the right word? he was still very talented and well respected.

Leelas was a very tight screw since the responsibility of being the heir fell onto his shoulders, always studying, training, until Jackson would come in to the room and chuck a wet sponge at the back of his head. Like Jackson, the people also enjoyed having him around since he could be very philosophical. Jackson did comment that Leelas overthinks a lot. 

One day, Jackson threw another wet sponge at Leelas and convinced him to go to Gaia. A treat yourself day. 

So they went to Gaia. And ran into a woman named Anna. Only because Jackson noticed Leelas staring at her like a love struck idiot and they shoved him into her. 

He yelled, she yelled, Jackson laughed. Then got yelled at. 

however Leelas and Anna did keep in touch, eventually started dating, and three years later got married. 

Jackson Gustav, ultimate matchmaker. 

But Leelas brought Anna to Genesis and she met Gabriel. Who was like oh good one of my sons finally found someone. And they lived happily ever after.

BITCH YOU THOUGHT AH HA!

But Anna got very sick one day and Leelas tried everything in his power to try and cureher, but death wants Anna and he is gonna have her. She died and Leelas was devastated but Jackson was better athiding his grief, since they also really liked Anna and thought of her as a very close friend, and tried to coax Leelas out of his depression

Leelas thought that it wasn't fair that fate decided to makehim fall in love with someone so frail and then pull her from him so soon so he basically said Fuck Fate and started looking thelibrary for dark arts and necromancy

which Genesis didnt have so he had to go to Cesstation tofind what he needed

Demons are willing to do necromancy but its like.. aterrible act leaving the deceased in a purgatory like state of agony since youare defying the will of Death

There is another world which is basically where the souls of the deceased go. The people of Genesis and Cesstation  refer to death as His Will. and with necromancy?

you are basically ripping their soul from Death's world byforce and the soul will feel that pain forever until the spell is removed and Leelas was willing to ignore the demon's warnings torevive Anna in order to see her again and he completed the act, blind to the fact that Anna wasdeformed, in agony, and screaming

Jackson was the one who found Leelas on Gaia after thespell, seeing the books and Anna

lets just say Jackson was traumatized

Gabriel appeared, pushing aside his panicking son and killedAnna and made Leelas fall on the spot. 

Thats where the color scheme comes into play. All angels have some form of gold markings. either on their face, hands, or both. Purple means you fell, your markings turn from gold to purple. its like a punishment for doing something forbidden. 

Leelas went from gold to dark purple and falling feelssomeone sucked the life out of you so thats fun

back on Genesis, Gabriel announced that Leelas has fallen,named stripped to Stewarlight, and cursed until he is forgiven. And thatJackson will be the new Archangel

Leelas basically has to work off his sin

Jackson, now in line to be archangel is at an impasse

He truly believed that Leelas was the one to succeedGabriel and now he thinks he won't be good enough since all they did was dick around a flirt. thats a lot of sudden responsibility. 

Leelas, feeling bitter about Anna and his fall, takesadvantage of Jackson's turmoil and says that jackson has to be perfect, better. Leelas thinks that Anna being dead forever was Gabriel'sfault since he killed her, and Jackson's because they didn't understand whyLeelas wanted to bring her back and they didnt stop their father from killing her. If Jackson loved her too, wouldn’t he want to bring her back as well?

enter years of emotional manipulation

Gabriel passed his title to Jackson, who was now moreserious and cold

i like to think that Gabriel was not aware of what Leelaswas doing? or i just havent thought that far yet or he thought that Jackson, suddenly giving up theiraloofness, was taking his inheritance seriously

Gabriel eventually did die, leaving Leelas' curse up toJackson who decided to not remove it thinking Leelas did not earn the right to have it removed. 

enraged, Leelas manipulated Jackson to go to Earth as a kindof 'prove your perfection to me' thing

enter Ignizen Vasseur thats another long story.

basically, ignizen was the one who told jackson that hesuffered through years of abuse due to something that was not his fault

and jackson just. kinda broke?

broke down in a sense

because for years he thought that he could have preventedLeelas from doing that, prevented Anna's death by trying harder and not beingstupid, got gabriel's attention sooner, thought Jackson was not good enough andwas an after thought since Leelas fell

so thats where this image comes into play.

[expositionaljazzskeleton]

the gangsey as things my friends have said

gansey

"those bees have balls!"

"the West Virginian mountains could fuck me"

"pack the wife and kids and go watch Mt. St. Helena erupt"

"Just let the fingers have a little dancing fun!"

"He does not need a straw to drink his chair"

"Uranium can't be transuranium... unless it wants to be and that's fine"

"My favorite amusement park: Seven Flags"

"I love the sound of smooth jazz and distant screaming"

"Do you wanna consider the lobster?"

"My elbows need some windshield wipin, if ya know what I mean"

"no, [Blue], I'm not gonna do a line of smarties off of your buttcrack"

"Its time to brush the tiny orange. go to college."

"stop infecting me with your lesbian coldness"

"what the fuck? it's not even whale time!"

ronan

"The rectangle and the rhombus fell in love and made a baby named the square and then they eventually commited suicide"

"Blue highlighters will never amount to anything"

"Fine print is for wimps"

"Have fun getting shanked by the bathroom clown"

"If I have a kid their middle name will be dragonfucker2000"

"Just casual arson, I guess"

"Javelin throw [Noah] out the window"

"If you give the baby LSD maybe it'll be happy"

"I wanna see an emu with a gun"

"The waters turning the whales gay. no wonder they're eating our plastic"

"The best way to ask someone's sexuality: what's your favorite flavor of crotch?"

"bikes are causing discrepancies amongst the skeleton mating habits"

"Juice is temporary. Sauce is forever. My brother said that. he's dead now. the juice got him"

"live your best life. eat your own ass"

adam

"facial absorption of math"

"I learned mama, dada, and the distributive property"

"Why am I not making enough good meat hunk sauce???"

"Everyone is just an allele goodwill"

"The shamrock shake gave me ptsd"

"Wait, there are recipes in the bible?"

"Heroine is not a bird"

"We're having a sauce crisis!!!"

"Y is bisexual. Y-sexual. It goes both y-s"

"I need some barbeque sauce to drown my math problems"

"Have a vengeance against the sight reading. This piece killed your father."

"don't upset sister scantron"

"911 YES HEWWO??!?!"

"my sexuality is Nickelodeon slime"

"what, you have boneless water where you live like some fancy person?"

"I don't deserve fingers"

"who tried to assassinate my pear??"

noah

"I want a Graham cracker taped to a rock as my tombstone"

"What flavor is your bus?"

"The city is very city. Very, very cultures."

"I forgot to water my baguette!"

"Trains are just worms!"

"You're just like leech, and I'm just like LEECH"

"How am I supposed to fall on my face if there is no worm?"

"Dying alone, GONG. Now there's a bell in your head."

"Chickens are fine. I don't think they have feelings."

"I shall always be loved for my corn bones"

"Sticks is a spectator sport"

"is the thumb no longer crunchy?"

"tea? Like, slurp slurp???"

"Alright. Lime screaming over"

"Martha Speaks wrote James and the Giant Peach"

blue

"you must have the highest knees"

"My leg is not the Protestant Reformation"

"TV static, yum!"

"I promise I will never call you a beanie bitch"

"Spanish colonists were furries confirmed"

"Its called a prayer circle, dumbass"

"You can't force your granola culture on me!"

"Rainforest won't make you feel bad about yourself"

"I'm just an intern stripper"

"The spinoff of Five Nights at Freddies: Four Nights at a Hotel Somewhere"

 "you put the 'hobo' in 'chobani'"

"What's it called... English? is it English? fuck English"

"keep it in, walrus man"

"You don't tell a lady to keep her spear in the trunk"

"are you an athlete or a mathlete? I'm a bitch"

"this is discrimination against string instrument players and lesbians!!!"

"how do you smoke weed? oh you SMOKE it!"

henry

"Now I'm definitely not voting for you because you stole my tangerine"

"Are you implying that all other spas are run by robots?"

"The sun..... cannot slide"

"Out of all the animals that would dab, the Clydesdale horse is not one of them"

"Thymine is a power bottom"

"Only white people are legally allowed to play ultimate frisbee"

"I wanna get jumped by second graders"

"No! Rice crispies baby daddy!"

"That ladybug is thirsty AF"

"duck shit? that's hot"

"there's a lot more gay popes than I thought"

"government funded orgies"

"I don't know what God tastes like but pussy tastes like good fuckin food"

"remember that thing we did yesterday? yeet the moon"

"hell yeah ladies get on this scarf dick"

"have you ever seen the human centipede?? THAT WOULD BE THE BEST ORAL SEX EVER!!!"

[stagekiller]

@craftedinsanity​​ || Meme || accepting

  DREARY HALLWAYS resonate with penetrating whirring of the mail cart. There's a pause, ever so often. Hardened rubber falls silent when the unhinged wheel sticks between Arkham's crummy tiles. Then, it begins anew; providing percussion to the choir of screams echoing from Screeching Sebastian’s cell. The only other cell in maximum security wing, purposefully housed near the jester’s in an attempt to deprive him of absurd luxury.

    E-146's cell doors, meant to be sealed shut by means of heavy pressure, are wide open. The notorious criminal graces the mailman with a shrewd glimpse. Ginger brows quirk, mangled mouth twitches in a smirk. The hunched employee mechanically dumps a load of fanmail before the jester's door. He lingers a moment. When Jerome doesn't pay him much mind, the mailman walks away. The clown returns to scribbling atop a disheveled notebook to the sound of Sebastian obsessively chanting curses for his wife.

   Soon, a tall shadow casts over Mt. Fanmail. Worn off white boots kick a few letters aside and a few give way to an avalanche. It’s a loaded pile, full of love confessions and drawings and little gifts that will go by unnoticed. He only tears them open if it will give him something to do. A peculiar shade of burgundy stands out; cursive writing adorns fine paper. Emeralds shine with curiosity.

              “ I’M GONNA KILL ‘YA, YOU FUCKIN’ WHORE ! ”

    In time with a desperate screech, gloved digits pinch the peculiar folder. Jerome returns to his seat with a kick to his step. He drops himself on the chair with a huff, clicks his tongues and puckers his lips, gaze never abandoning soft paper. It could be easily opened with the envelope left intact, but Jerome prefers to tear the side off. “ You go, Sebby! Get that bitch, get ‘er ! ” He steals a moment to call some encouraging words over his shoulder, eyes watching a stack of ripped yellowed notes being pulled out.

                           I still listen to the tunes you used to whistle.

    Pause. Gaze widens when stumbling upon familiar handwriting. Jerome’s mirth diffuses, his expression sobering up instantaneously. Pinching the note with both hands, he brings it up to his nostrils for a whiff. Mature paper has soaked in the smell of coffee. Jerome closes his eyes. His mind paints a vivid image of a locked dorm room ( referenced from movies — he has no idea what these look like in real life ) He can trace the aftertaste of Jeremiah’s smell, subtle undertones tickling his nose.  “ Hm-eeh ! ‘Miah, you lil’ weasel. ” Bitter chuckle is followed by a snort. Drawing a sharp breath, his fingers brace to rip the note apart.

                                              I tried to do it too                                        but it’s just not the same

   The audacity. Blood boils. A mere rip is all he manages before a mix of bitterness, curiosity and well-buried glimmer of hope gets the best of him. What is he looking for in these pages, anyway ? It could be yet another lie, something his brother staged for the sake of attention alone. Oh, yes, Jeremiah loves to play with his feelings. Loves stringing him along, feeds off of earnest adoration; that traitor, that treacherous little minx. Fingers twitch with desire to feel his twin’s jugular pulsating wildly in his grip.

            I met her today. She said you never mentioned me after I left.                       Part of me is relieved. That’s how it should be.                                     so why does it hurt still ?

    Ah, the sweet sting of betrayal. Lila sneaking out to meet up with her son behind his back. A pained chortle escapes him. Shoulders bounce with wry laughter. He tries to recall how liberating it felt to chop her plump tits, but somehow the memory feels plastic and distant; as if it never happened. It’s not enough. Foot taps the floor, a staccato that picks up the more he flips through his brother’s notes. Some of them carry stains. Jeremiah would never send him a stained letter. He’s meticulous like that. Clearly, he’d never meant for these to reach Jerome’s greedy fingers.

                         I wish we weren’t related. Life’s not fair.

    Another bitter chuckle. He shakes his head this time. Without realizing it, both his legs are bouncing now. Back sinks into his seat, a wet glare burning into each word. Sebastian’s psychosis merely reaches his ears now. Muffled snickers spill as water from a tipped glass through his Glasgow grin; uncontrollable, erratic, explosive. Something bubbles in his chest and he ought to get it out, the only way he knows how.  How cruel of his own blood to tell him now - NOW - when all is said and done, when he’s spent so long brooding and grieving and coming to terms with their tragicomic fate. Jerome seethes.

          “ I WILL CHOKE YOU , SLUT, I’LL DRINK YOUR BLOOD ! ”

                                         I miss you.

    Breath hitches between bouts of blaring laughter. He has to pause, slam a hand on the desk beside him. Guards are staring from the corridor; watching him slowly come undone after each note. Eyes squeeze shut and the first few drops of warm liquid run down his cheeks. For all they know, some fan must have sent him a joke book, something blatantly hilarious. Sebastian continues to pour his heart and soul out, sentiment that will forever bounce around those clenching four walls. For Jerome, it only makes this funnier.

                                             I’m sorry.

       “ YOU’RE DEAD ! YOU’RE DEAD-YOU’RE DEAD TO ME ! ”

                                    You’re not mine.                    I wish you were. I wish I could let you love me

    Unhinged peal of laughter ends in a coughing fit. The jester folds over in his seat. Thick drool dangles from his scars. There’s several notes left, but one resonates in Jerome’s mind, repeating as a broken record. It takes a few moments for the unhinged peal of laughter to die down as the clown regains his composure in drawn out wheezing and raspy pants.

                                          I hate me too

               “ I WILL EAT YOUR HEART ! I WILL EAT YOUR HEART ! ”

      Wild gaze regards the stack as it now lays on the floor, having slipped from his lap. A trembling breath is drawn through gaping mutilation. When Jerome speaks again, addressing his fellow inmate, his voice is a bit more scratchy than he would prefer it. A seething rasp, laced with painful adoration.  “ Oh, me too, pal. Me too— pth-ha-hah! ” He only stabilizes long enough to utter that one sentence, then relapses in agonizing mirth.

[maddestmewmew]

tell me abt your ocs! :]

was saving this post for when i had a proper lore for my ocs and now i DO. i havent finished their refs yet so. u get phone doodles

THIS IS MR SCIENCE. (he/him)

mr science is uhhh. erm. hes a scientist. mr science is a he/him lesbian, with a tragic backstory (his wife died) but its ok bc he has a pet rat.

his favoritest movie is willard but hes never actually seen the end of the movie and thinks willard and the rats are just friends forever and frolic and go lalala.

Mr science is the lead scientist for a lab i havent named yet . again his wife is dead. sad. his wife was like 90% of his impulse control. anyway he does UNETHICAL EXPERIMENTS and he does NOT realize theyre unethical. most relevant experiment is the next character

this is darcy. (she/they)

she has the same name as darcy tpcai bc theyre technically the same person across diffrent universes but also i think im gonna grab the rest of my tpcai characters and put them in here dwbi.

anyway darcy is 12 years old and a scientist. how? easy. she IS the experiment. created by Mr Science with his and a few others dna, darcy is an artificial human with false memories created to test how quickly they could possibly make a worker built to do nothing but work. why is she 12? she was supposed to be older but then they figured well. child labor laws dont apply if theyre not technically human.

so darcy exists now and she Doesnt Know shes a clone but literally everyone else DOES and has to pretend otherwise (luckily mad scientists tend to be former theatre kids) and darcy is like. ooo im better than u cuz i graduated and got a job EARLY and her coworkers are like You Are A Product Of Capitalism and shes like pshh whatever. not knowing she is Quite Literally a product of capitalism.

This is rodney. (they/them)

Rodney is a volunteer assistant at Unnamed Labs (ive decided thats just actually the name), and a party clown on the side. Theyre a retired circus clown. The token white person. Yes those are shoulder pads. Rodney doesnt get payed enough for this shit (they dont get payed anything). Rodney fucks hard and does it often. (theyre also a lesbian) Theyre only doing this job to impress Science, who they have a HUGE crush on.

To summarize everyones relationships,

Mr Science is Dumb and DOES NOT realize Rodney has a crush on him. To him, Rodney is just Some Guy. they have beers after work sometimes but only with other coworkers. Even if he did realize, hes not over his wife (who is dead) and things would get really awkward.

Mr Science was the head of the project creating Darcy, and now completely sees them as totally his daughter. PROBLEM IS. Darcy doesnt Realize he created her, they think they have loving parents back home, and Mr Science is just really weird about her being the youngest on the team (which. would be understandable shes 12 and the second youngest there is like 30)

Rodney isnt a fan of kids but they try their best around Darcy, and actually treats her the most as an equal out of everyone. Darcy would appreciate this, however shes busy BULLYING THE SHIT OUT OF RODNEY. for no reason. Darcy for the most part isnt a bad kid, a little edgy bc shes. 12. but shes not purposely antagonistic . EXCEPT TO RODNEY. when this poor little lesbo rolls around darcy activates their "middle school girl" instincts . its really sad.

ok thats all ty

[tenaciousarcadeexpert]

Some Things Are Meant to Stay Hidden

@marvelfanlife, @dontshootmespence, @criminal-navy-writings, @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars, @derekmorgansoffice, @ultrarebelheart, @itsmeedee, @acespence, @thebutterflyxx, @cynbx, @jaqren​  

 Inspired by this ask

    Matt was just on his way to grab a cup of coffee, passing Penelope and JJ, who was kneeling beside her desk. While pouring a cup of coffee, he starts hearing the two women muttering something, snickering along the way. He assumes it was something else but the two women could not stop laughing. Thinking that it has something to do with him, he turns to see them stop laughing.

“Alright, what’s going on?” “Oh nothing, just continue what you’re doing.” JJ responds. 

  He then turns away to pour some sugar in his coffee. While mixing, he suddenly hears them laughing. Suspicious of what they were laughing about, he turns back and approached them. 

“Okay, now I’m curious, what are you guys looking a-” Just as they turn, his eyes widen and his mouth was gaping wide open as he realized that both JJ and Penelope were looking through the old Men of the FBI calendar and no surprise, they were looking at Mr. February, who was none other than he himself.

“Are you guys seriously looking at this again.” He tries to snatch the calendar away, only for JJ to pull it away from him when he tries to grab it.

“Oh come on, it’s nice to come across some old things, especially when it’s something like this.” She shows him the photo, which had him posing on a bed, covered in paper hearts and rose petals and surrounded by heart shaped pillows his face covered in heart shaped glitter.

“Will you be my Valentine, Mr. Simmons?” She teased before she and Penelope burst into laughter once again. He tried his best not to blush in front of he friends.

“I guess that’s one way to spice up the bedroom, who needs cupid when there’s you?” Penelope joked.

“Hey, I only did that for charity, and you guys are way worst than Mae.” He then looked away in embarrassment as the two blonde women continue to laugh. Just then, Emily walks by. 

“Relax Matt, you’ll live. If I managed to overcome my old yearbook photo, then I’m sure you’ll get through this.” “Thanks.”

She then pats him on the shoulder. “Though, I must say, not bad, especially with the placement of the pillows.” “Ugh, you too?” He then looked in annoyance as she joins JJ and Penelope in laughing at him.

“And why me? It’s not like the other guys didn’t pose in the calendar as well.” Just then, Luke, Spencer and Tara arrived as they see the newcomer being laughed by the three ladies.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Tara asked.

“Oh, you know what, go on, laugh at me. I don’t even care anymore.” He placed his hands at the back of his hands as the three try to figure out what was going on. Just then, JJ hands them the calendar as Luke and Tara burst into laughter, seeing their friend posing as Mr. February.

“Well, your wife is a really lucky woman I must say. She probably had a good hit of cupid’s arrow, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, she does.” Luke then looks at Matt. “I feel so bad for you, I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of these calendars.” “Oh, I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you.” Penelope responds as she pulls out an old photo of Luke.

“What do you mean Garci-oh no.” He watched in fear as she shows the team an old photo of him posing as Mr. March, wearing an extremely skimpy costume and his face covered in four leaf clover glitter. He looked away in embarrassment as the ladies, Reid and Matt laugh. 

“Oh look, me pot of gold is just on the other side of the rainbow.” Penelope mocked in a fake Irish accent.

“Alright, but to be fair, that photo was taken for a good cause.”

“So was mine.” Matt responds.

“Aw man, I feel so bad for you, I wonder how many times did anyone who came across you ask for your ‘lucky charm’?” Reid joked. Luke mockingly chuckles. “Did you pose in the calendar too?” Reid shrugs his arm at him. “Please, I would never do something like that.” “Reid was Mr. October.” Matt responds.

“Hey.” “Well to be fair, you were the one that changed the ringtone to my phone to some sultry music and made a joke about me being a ‘cassanova’.”

“That was only a joke.”

“I had several guys come up to me and say that I was being a distraction at work.”

“Well, it’s not my fault you have a perfectly toned body that women would love.” Matt tried his best in resisting the urge to punch him while Penelope flips through the pages till she finds Reid, who poses in a rather seductive manner in front of a spooky background, with fake blood dripping down his bare chest and seductively grabbing either a pile of candy or something that could pass as a heart, placing it close to his mouth while being surrounded by multiple pumpkins and a skeleton. As the team watched, Reid rubs his face as he braces for the impending utter humiliation from his friends and teammates.

“Woah.” Luke said as he was speechless by Reid’s photo. “I didn’t think that there was this side of you.” “Well to be fair, I had no choice after I lost a bet to Morgan and Garcia.” “It’s true.” Garcia responds. 

“And to be honest, I prefer my idea better.” “Which was?” Luke asked.

“Clowns.” “Of course.”

“Spooky clowns.” “I get it.” “But no, it wasn’t sexy enough, as if the calendar was already filled with enough fanservice for all of your sexual fantasy needs.”

“I mean it’s still spooky.”

“Yeah, but it could’ve been better if they pitched in my idea.” “Yeah.” The three men looked at each other as they were still recovering from the humiliation from their friends.

“Though, I guess looking back, it’s not so bad.” “Yeah, it could’ve been a lot worse.”

“Agreed.” Matt adds. The three of them turn to the ladies, whom have stopped laughing. “Hey, we’re sorry for teasing you guys, we were only messing with you.” JJ said.

“Really?” Matt asked, wary.

“Yeah, but we can’t help it, it’s nice seeing you guys all flustered and embarrassed.”

“Yeah, though funny or not, you guys all looked adorable.” Tara responds.

Matt tries not to blush at Tara’s remark. “You know, you’re not the first person that has ever called me adorable.”

“Oh really?” “Yeah.”

“And don’t worry, we all need a little laugh once in a while, and I’m there will probably be something that something that you guys will make fun of us for.” Emily adds.

“Oh, I hope so.” Luke responds.

“Anyway, let’s continue looking through the old calendar, which month shall I turn to next?” “Ooooo, Hotch was Mr. November, another reason to be thankful for Thanksgiving.” JJ recommends.

“Well Jack was Mr. July and all I can say is one thing:fireworks.” Matt adds.

“Let’s see, fireworks and thanksgiving stuffing? You know what, let’s go on to December, my favorite month.” Penelope said as she flips the pages. “Why, cause it’s the time of giving?” Luke asked. “Well that, but also because my man of chocolatey goodness happens to be Mr. December.” She then stops at a photo of Derek, who happens to be Mr. December for the calendar. “And all I can say is there is nothing more special than Christmas lights, mistletoes, candy canes and hot chocolate all in one. Merry Christmas to me.” “Oooo.” The team were rather amused and pleased to see their former teammate in the calendar, even the guys were.

“Gee, I wonder if Rossi took something like this when he was young.” Tara wonders.

“Don’t even think about it.” Rossi responds as he walks by. “And you all need a hobby.” Once he was gone, the team gather around Penelope, who placed the calendar away and types on her computer till she stops and the team all stare at the screen to see an old photo of Rossi in the early 80s, in which it turns out that he once posed in Playgirl when he was young.  “Oh boy, Rossi’s gonna freak.” Reid teased.

“Well, then he’ll know how we feel.” Matt jokes.   Somethings are meant to be shared but there are things that were meant to be hidden. Though with people like Penelope, it’s hard to keep things hidden forever.

[iraniq]

United

*inspired by the Justice League I watched last night*

It was almost the end of the world…. Weird creatures attacking our planet again … Nothing else to do, besides unite!

You weren’t allowed to go to battle with your husband, definitely not because you were pregnant. But simply because you don’t quite have superpowers besides sneaking and knowing secrets, oh boy the secrets you knew ... That was what you were trading with.

It has been 52 hours since they left. No internet, no news. You and another girl stood in the huge living room. You were peacefully reading a book and she was nervously pouting around.

-        Can you please stop! - she looked shocked at you. - Your first rodeo?

She really looked worried.

-        They will be fine. – you turn the other page. -        My boy … finance, already died once … -        Lucky you … - that came up completely wrong, well not that much, sometimes you wish yours was dead too, but only sometimes - I meant… You know, they will at least go back for him. - there was bitterness in your voice. Will they go back for yours too…

Another hour passed by.

-        Why aren’t you worried? -        I live with the thought my King may die any second, so we live like there will be no tomorrow. And instead of us doing it so now, I pursway him to go and help … - your eyes hot tearly. -        Oh, it’s ok … - she rushed to you - Don’t cry, it’s bad for the baby.

You brust in laughing.

-        It’s my 6-th one darling, I know how to handle babies.

Her eyes widened.

-        6? -        Yep, he said we will never have sex again after the twins, which was like 2 and half years ago, but he lasted only 3 days… - you both laughed - And I got him drunk 5 months ago, we had unprotected sex, and voala! - you pointed at your big belly. -        Wow… -        What about you, any kids, plans, something … Or you are waiting after the wedding. -        Well he was… - she paused for a second. -        Oh dear ... - you rubbed her back - I didn’t mention to strike a nerve here. -        No, he was in … coma, we weren’t sure if he was going to wake up. So we are keeping it slow, for now.

You smiled. An old man came in, holding a baby boy.

-        Simeone’s clingy. -        Come here. - you took your son. - Say “hello” Brandon. - the boy stopped crying as he saw you and waved at the girl. After he hugged you for a while. He took off and went to the old man. -        Looks like uncle Al got himself busy! - you joked after you saw the others creeping him from behind. -        Yes. - he answered calmly. But you could tell he was at the pick of his happiness. -        So… - she looked questioning. -        God, no! - you laughed.

Another hour went by.

You were dying on the inside, but didn’t let your kids see it. They had dinner and went to bed. You and the girl were yet again left alone; “uncle Al” was on duty to help the team United. As you could understand from your oldest daughter it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows there. It was very possible they may die wile saving the world. She just texted you this.

-        How old are they? -        The oldest girl is 12, the other is 6, the boy is 4 and the twins are 2 and a half. - you simply smiled and suddenly burst into tears. She came and hug you again. -        Please don’t cry, if it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead by worry right now. -        I am dead already … - you manage to sob, hugging your belly - this will be my last memory if him. -        Don’t talk like this. They will… -        No one will care, not to mention come back for the Clown Prince Of Crime! - you yelled. She froze, moving away at the couch. -        Yeah, Ms. Lane, they will come back for your alien, but no one will do for my King. - you wiped your tears and got up. - Now if you excuse me, I need to pee.

It was around 3 in the morning. She hasn’t spoke to you since you told her who you are. Alfred didn’t call either with news.

-        So why are you here, as you are the bad guy? - she asked with visible hate in her tone. -        Who do you think made all the “ bad guys” - you made air quotes with you fingers - go and join the quest? I trade with secrets, and I am also very good at convincing people … As they had the guts, and found it their duty to rob a bank, it is their duty to save the world they live in, as there will be no banks to rob otherwise… - she stayed silent, she knew you were right, but refused to admit it. -        They are back! - Alfred informed on the com.

* At the Jet Plane*

-        Someone wake him up! -        Are you serious? -        Arthur, do as I say! -        Is he dead? -        No, Barry, he is not dead, but we will be, if he is not awake when we land. -        He is alive! -   ��    You have that kind of system too, awesome. – Barry fangirled. -        Can you wake him up, Victor? -        I think yes, Barry will have to sting him a little, and he will be fine. -        No way man, that’s the Joker, I am not gonna touch him! -        Are you scared of him to? -        It’s not funny mermaid. -        Don’t call me mermaid, Tin man. -        Boys, calm down! -        Thank you, Diana. Why are you so quiet, Clark? -        I want to rest, that’s it. -        Guys, he is waking up, he is waking up … - Barry stepped away, next to Victor. Arthur was sitting between Clark and Diana. And all were staring at J, lying across them. -        Fuck… - he yelled, putting his hand on his head. -        You will live, it’s just a scratch, Victor said it won’t even leave a scar. -        But my hair is ruined, B! She is soo gonna kill you! -        We just won a … -        You haven’t met his Queen! - Bruce was fast enough to answer.

Mr. J just smiled and sit.

-        Do you want a pain killer? - Victor asked. -        I live for the pain! - he growled - Are you scared child? -        Nope, I am not, completely not … -        You should be. Btw who is keeping my wife company? -        Louis. -        You left my fiance with the maniac’s wife? - Clark stood up, and Diana follows, worried they will get in a fight again. -        Chill, the only think your chatty reporter can learn from my maniac wife is how to get you drunk and get herself pregnant.

And then it happened … Bruce brust into laughter. A thing no one had seen or heard before. He was laughing loudly. And it was a pure heart laughter.

-        Don’t laugh man. Just don’t … Not that I don’t love them, just … I am not sure if I am physically able to love them all ant not broke into pieces.

They were all again shattered by this simple and yet unexpected confession. And how close these two “arch enemies” seem to be.

-        It’s the 6-th one right? -        Yeah … I think she is planning on collection or something. - J said, fixing what’s left of his hair. He was having a big scratch on his right, and half of his hair was gone. -        Wait … - Diana started - you are enemies. -        Yes we are … - Bruce said. -        We kinda created each other … So … Why not go friends as well? -        You are friends? -        Jealous much, Superman? - J blinked at him. - I named one of my kids after him. - J lied back - Me and my wifey were on a romantic date, breakibg into Gotham First Bank, and the old rat, over there, took forever to come and catch us, that we manage to even had sex. It was awkward… -        Having sex in the vault? - Barry asked. -        It was awkward for me catching them… -        Doing it in the vault … - J started laughing. -        Because of people like this I live in the ocean. -        So your son is named after him? - Clark asked. -        No, Bruce is an ugly name, we picked Brandon instead. -        I am gonna finally see him. -        Well you would’ve done it earlier when they were born, my Queen send you an invitation. -        I was busy. -        Yeah, go and lie someone else… - J played it offended.

The plane landed.

-        How’s my hair? - J asked Diana. She stared at him, with no answer. -        You are fine. - Bruce tapped his shoulder. -        You know you are getting it, right. -        Yeah I know.

The plane door opened, Arthur was first followed by Diana and Clark, and Barry and Victor, J was fixing his hair in desperate attempt to hide the half that was missing.

You and Lois were standing there waiting. Clark come and hug her. You on the other hand were not that patient and went through, as you walk, Victor stood at your way.

-        Go away, overgrown toaster! – you yelled and he stepped away in surprise. -        Oh, boy! – Barry whispered, certain you will be in his “I am afraid of” list. As you saw J you screamed loudly, causing everyone to turn at you. -        Your eyes are red. A few tears for your long-lost boss? -        Tears of joy, I hate job hunting. -        Vacations over! – he said grinning. Quoting movie lines was indeed your thing.

You rushed and hug him. He was dirty and smelly, but it didn’t matter to you. You cover him in kissed while crying loudly. He just pet your hair, the long looks he so much love. As you stopped to take a breath you noticed his wound. You gasped and covered your mouth; tears were coming all over again.

-        Chill, Doll, it won’t even leave a scar, and … the hair will grow back again. – he started.

You looked at Batman.

-        Ma’am.

You smiled. And kissed your King’s lips gently.

-        Ugh … you stink… -        Like s superhero, I know! – he hugged you and started walking to the inside of the cave. -        It’s disgrosting! You can’t hug our kids like this. -        I know … Why are you shaking, are you cold? -        I forgot to pee. – you whined and he laughed, slapping your butt, and you rush inside. -        Run, Forrest, Run! – he yelled after you laughing. -        Do you know they have 5 kids? – Louis whispered to Clark. -        Did she told you how to get me drunk and get yourself pregnant? -        Yes, she insisted on me doing this, saying you are prefect gene material. -        Please don’t do this to me, I’ll volunteer. – they both laughed and walked in.

Only Barry, Victor, Bruce and Diana were left.

-        They are odd. – Barry started – but they are indeed couple goals … - the others stared at him – What, you know it’s true, just look at them. Like the Addams family but … in a homicide manic way … -        Yes, they are! – Bruce agreed. -        You may take some notes. – Diana teased. Alfred walked in. -        Master Wayne, your nephews are waiting. -        Are they all look like him?

Alfred chuckled.

-        Oh, man… - Bruce took his mask off. – And I thought the worst part was over.

They all got a shower and get prepared for dinner, or very early breakfast.

-        Why does the other kids have such big age difference from the first one? – Alfred asked as he was fixing Bruce’s shirt, who was still in huge pain to do it himself. -        The first one was Jack’s, before he turned into The Joker, they are a couple since kids, she was 14 when the girl was born. -        And he told you this, when you were … -        Yes. His father killed my parents and I pushed him into the chemicals … I guess we are even now. Why do you think they keep sending me invitations of baby showers and sonogram photos. -        So you check them? – Alfred smiled. -        Well … you can tell he is the only friend I have … in a way. -        You have more now. It’s not a bad thing. -        As long as they don’t turn into psychopaths, I guess it is.

In your room the kids were hugging and kissing their father.

-        So you are e hero now? – the oldest asked. -        Yep! Right in Batsy’s face.

They all laughed and cheered.

-        Come on, time for food. -        But you just ate mom. – the other girl said. -        Dunno, if it was for me or for him, so I have to eat again. -        Doll … - J grabbed your hand, letting you alone in the room, after the girls ran to meet uncle B. – You could’ve said you wanted another kid. It was a dick move! You laughed. -        I knew this will happen, and I suspect you will want to help, because if the children, and I … I was afraid, you won’t come back, so I wanted to have as much memories of you as I could.

He looked at his feet smiling.

-        Liar! You want a full collection don’t you! -        Fuck you, J! Can’t a girl dream. -        Anything my Queen wants! -        Baby wants, baby gets! – you smiled and kissed him gently. – I hope this hair will be fine soon, or I will be the end of the world. -        Yes, Ma’am!

______________________

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