#For free serotonin read the notes on this post

[floweryfandomnerd]

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[ohtobeleah]

Secret Sacrifices // Jake Seresin

Chapter Three: [The Grocery Affirmation]

Summary: When Sunday rolls around, Jake is chuffed to run into a ‘Damsel’ on his running route.

Warnings: Mentions of death, mentions of depression, anxiety, panic attacks. Mild romance. Angst/Whump.

Word Count: 3.3k

Author Note: EEPPPP I’m back queens!! The serotonin is doing the lords work. Really want to try and stick to a regular posting scene if I can get the routine in place. Been thinking about this one for a while now.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

There’s a saying that goes around hospitals that reads a little something like this. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. But there’s understandable doubt that the person who coined the saying ever went through a major surgery or trauma. 

Or maybe they didn’t mean physical pain. Perhaps they meant the other kind, the worst kind. Maybe they meant the kind of searing, seething, boiling pain that tells you you’re a failure as a mother and a fraud of a wife. 

Suffering is optional……That person didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about. It's all-consuming. The day-to-day struggle of living through hell all the while those who you loved unconditionally, were taken away in such horrific and volatile circumstances. The ever-burning pressure of survivor's guilt, the searing pain of grief, and the utter turmoil of failure all adds up. 

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Yeah right. Suffering isn't optional, it was forced upon you in a split-second that changed the course of your life as you knew it…..and wanted it to be. 

Your deep and meaningful with Bob sat heavily inside your chest. Could you trust him? Was it fair to burden him with such a huge secret? Did you put him in danger by letting him in? Would he tell anyone? But as you opened the boot of your car and sighed at the haphazardly thrown-in grocery bags, a small sense of normality took the space of the pressing questions inside your mind. 

The groceries were heavier than normal, either you were getting weaker or you had just decided to purchase more impulse buys than normal. The paper bag handles were surely going to cut off the circulation in your arms as you were adamant to one trip this. From the undercover carport, up the three flights of stairs, down the hall and to the right, that's where your hideaway was. You'd say home, but home is where the heart is. Your heart was ripped from your chest when you watched your son’s life drain from his eyes. Your heart was shattered into a million pieces when you watched helplessly as your husband bled out in your arms. 

So no, no this wasn't a home for you, but it would have to do. 

Unbeknownst to you, Jake Seresin was en route, enjoying a rather peaceful run. Golden tan skin covered with a thin shine of sweat. The perfect combination for any workout. At a pace that matched A Man To Make Me Sweat, Jake made his way down the footpath that ran the expanse of the side street he knew your apartment complex to be on. 

Was the particular route Jake decided to take this morning one intertwined with the hope he would run into you? That's a question for another time. But when you came into view? Jake smiled to himself knowing that the other route passed Bradley’s condo wouldn't have been as eventful. Nor would it have such a beautiful view. 

The sight of you wrestling with a million groceries and effortlessly trying to convince yourself that you were fine, was a sight Jake could watch all morning. His stride started to slow but his heart rate kept rising. The thought of you, the sight of you, the idea of you being his and only his. Jake had never been the kind to want to settle down. He’d never been the man who committed to one person or one relationship. He was a free-floating spirit that enjoyed the company of others. But when he first saw you, first spoke to you, heard that laugh of yours, saw that beautiful smile, listened to your hypnotic voice, he knew he was fucked from the get-go.

On approach, Jake slowed right down to a walk. His eyes never left your silhouette as he reached into his pocket for his phone. Deciding to pause his music rather than just turn it down. Jake could have stayed like this forever, he could have watched you all day. But when he watched as the bottom of one of the paper bags blew out, sending groceries of all kinds across the drive and pathway, he knew he had to make himself known. 

“You need a hand?” Jake had never seen you look so scared in the time he’d known you as you turned around with wide eyes and a look of intense panic plastered across your face. He swore the tone he’d used had been one laced with a lighthearted approach. “Woah, didn’t mean to scare you half to death Brewer.” Jake followed up as he approached with caution, holding his hands up by his head to show surrender and peace.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me Seresin,” The adrenal glands, also known as suprarenal glands, are small, triangular-shaped glands located on top of both kidneys. Adrenal glands produce hormones that help regulate your metabolism, immune system, blood pressure, response to stress and in this particular instance, respond to one Jake ‘Hangman’ Sererin scaring whatever soul you had left from your being. 

In your fright, you had let go of more of the grocery bags you had been trying to gather up. Groceries were strewn across the driveway and subsequent footpath. Cans of chickpeas and packets of beef jerky littered the concrete as you held your left hand over your heart to make sure it wasn’t about to leap out of your chest. 

“Fucking idiot, don’t scare people like that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

Jake chuckled to himself as a grin stretched itself across his smug face. Only you could call him an idiot in a scathing rage of fear and his mind would wander to marriage and children and dying together after a long and happy life together. Only you could provoke those once thought unattainable desires. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a coronary,” Jake replied softly as he reached down to collect a few of your lost items. “Just saw you struggling a little and thought I’d stop and help a damsel in distress.” 

“Jake, have I ever given off damsel in distress vibes to you before?” It wasn't the fact that you weren't a damsel. Hell if someone, if anyone had been around when you and your family were being hunted, you would have run into the arms of the nearest bystander. But it was the fact you couldn't get close to Jake. You knew his intentions, you knew his feelings towards you were something more than just platonic. And the worst part of it all was you knew your feelings were also more than something you could pretend didn't exist. Right person, wrong time. 

“Not exactly, no,” Jake replied as he handed you a rogue can of chickpeas. 

“So why on God's green earth do you constantly feel the need to play my saving grace?” The proximity in which you and Jake stood was something bordering a breach of personal space. He stood so close that you could see the small beads of sweat dripping down his chest. Slowing as they caught on the fine chest hairs that littered the expanse of his tanned and muscular self. “And clearly you need more shirts if you feel like running around the neighbourhood topless is appropriate.” 

Jake chuckled at the unimpressed nature of his attire, but he knew deep down, deep deep down, you were looking. 

“One, I have plenty of shirts, and two, any excuse to talk to you is a good enough excuse for me, Brewer.” The very thought of Jake going about his day finding any excuse under the sun to talk to you nearly had you forgetting how to breathe. But it was a fleeting thought, you couldn’t go there. He didn't even know your real name. He wasn't your dead husband. Maybe all these mixed feelings were purely birthed from a desire to not feel so alone. 

As you took the can of chickpeas from Jake's hand, you shut him down with a kind-natured jab. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Don't I know it.” Jake replied with a wink and a smile that could light up the entire night's sky on its darkest of nights before bending over to collect more rouge groceries. Your eyebrow raised in question and concern. What the hell was he doing? 

“What are you doing?” The question was out before you knew what you were saying. It was probably pretty self-explanatory. But your brain wasn't computing Jake's actions. 

“What does it look like I'm doing?” Jake answered with a chuckle. “I'm helping you with your groceries.” You stood there in silence as you watched Jake collect the groceries, wondering what you did to deserve such kindness. 

“I said I didn't need help.” You reminded Jake of the conversation you just had. It had seemed to slip his mind. In one ear and out the other. Attention deficit disorder. 

“No,” Jake stood tall, still sweating from his run. Glistening in the mid-morning sun. “You said you weren't a damsel, that didn’t imply I wasn't a gentleman raised by a woman who’d kick my ass if I didn't stay to help you.” 

“You’re a gentleman?” You had never known another version of Jake Seresin than what he had shown you. To everyone else, he was an arrogant, self-obsessed, egomaniacal who didn’t play well with other aviators who cared more about his abs than he did his friends. He was Hangman. 

But to you? He was simply Jake. Bagman. 

“Only for you.” Jake pressed his lips together in a fine line as he smiled. Your eyes caught Jakes in the morning light, golden and warm as dew drops disappeared from blades of grass and birds sang. The way he looked at you, the way Jake paid way too much attention, the way his eyes trailed down from your eyes to your lips as your fingers touched his. You saw him leaning in, you saw the distance getting smaller and smaller. For a split second, for a small fragment of time, you weren’t going to stop him. 

The silence that lingered wasn’t awkward, but it was intense. The unintentional sexual tension got the better of you as you stepped back and let out a rather large sigh. You had to break the moment, you couldn’t let Jake kiss you. If he kissed you now, you wouldn’t be able to keep a friendly distance. It broke the enchantment as Jake cleared his throat and stepped away. 

“Thanks–” 

“Anytime.” Jake, forever the gentleman, continued to help you collect your groceries and followed you back to your apartment in passive silence. Neither awkward or volatile. It was just peaceful, enjoying the company of one another. 

“You know when I asked what we were doing today I didn’t have unpacking groceries in mind.” Jake teased as he looked around your home, still holding as many broken bags of groceries as he could. “Nice place you’ve got here Brewer.” Jake, for as many times as he’d gotten to the front door of your humble abode, from all the times he’d taken you home or picked you up, he’d never crossed the threshold until this very moment. 

“I told you that I was doing a Sunday reset.” You raised your brow at him as you placed some bags down on the kitchen island, letting out a dramatic sigh. “I didn’t finish till early this morning, Bob actually stayed back and helped me get the last of the stragglers out.” You explained as Jake looked around your home from where he stood across from you at the kitchen bench. 

“Do you uh–” Jake asked softly as he caught the sight of a single photograph hanging by the hallway. A little boy sitting on your lap, dark hair, darkish skin, deep brown eyes, smiling ear to ear. It looked like you were tickling his side to get the very reaction captured in the image. “Need any help today?” Who was that little boy? Did you have a son? A nephew? 

You could tell by Jake's tone that he had seen something he wasn't technically supposed to see, but you weren't sure what it had been. 

“I should be good, not that I don’t enjoy your company, it's just I need some alone time,” You saw the questions swirling in Jake's eyes, but before he could ask any of them you followed up. “You know, because I spend so much of my time at the Hard Deck if I don’t take this time to focus on me, I can’t focus on you guys.” 

“Right, well I best be getting back to it then.” Jake pressed his lips together as he thought about what his next move was going to be. He had one of two options here. The first being he could walk away right this second without embarrassing himself. He could say goodbye and try to forget about to picture he’d seen of you with the small smiling child. The second and probably the most erratic choice was to lean in and kiss the lips that Jake had thought about late at night and first daylight for the last few months. He could hold your cheeks between his palms and rub the heat across your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. He could feel your tongue dance with his in the moment where time would stand completely still–allowing Jake to feel for once in his life, fulfilled. 

“Yeah–” You replied as you moved a little closer to where Jake stood, moving to usher him back to the front door. “I’m sorry that my attempt to one trip it from the car interrupted–- “ What you weren’t expecting in the middle of your apology was to feel Jake’s lips on yours. The feeling took your breath away. For a fleeting moment, you gave into temptation and closed your eyes. You melted into the physical sensation of another human’s lips on yours. You craved this feeling, one of complete silence in the echoing caves of grief. You allowed yourself to feel the tender touch of Jake’s gentle lips melting with yours as you deepened the kiss. Moving along as Jake pressed your back into the cupboard behind you. His hand fell to your waist as you cupped at his cheeks. Desperately trying to feel every inch of Jake that you could before your mind was to overthrow your heart’s deepest desire for love and admiration. 

“Brewer–” Jake sighed into your mouth as his tongue danced with yours. His hands squeezed at your hips, adoring every curve. Jake could stay in this moment forever if you let him. But as you began to trail your hands down the expanse of Jake’s exposed torso, your brain broke from its restraints with a rude awakening. 

“This is what you get for being a noise fucking bitch!” 

The flash was blinding as the image of the smallest man who ever lived yelled out as he was being placed in the back of the police car. The man who killed your family. 

“Stop!” You gasped as you pushed at Jake’s chest. The look of uncertainty immediately plastered itself across his flushed face. His heartbrokenly beautifully forbidden face. 

“You alright?” Jake questioned with concern as his wide eyes scanned your face for signs of anything wrong. “Did I do something?” He was worried he’d crossed the line, you’d told him so many times you weren't interested. That he was reading into whatever this was, wrong. But he never really listened. He thought the chase was a part of whatever the two of you were becoming. 

“No,” You reassured Jake as you tried to contain the panic rising in your chest. “No it's not that you did anything,” You tried to explain as Jake's eyes softened. “It’s just, I’m–I’m not ready for this.” 

“Is there even a ‘this?” Jake asked as he stepped forward once again. Pushing the boundaries almost immediately. “Just spell it out to me simply, yes or no Brewer.” 

The silence as Jake tucked some of your hair behind your ear was deafening and all-consuming. Your eyes never left his as you tried to find the right answer. The moral answer. The safest and clearly the right choice. No, the answer was no. Nothing was going on between you, you weren't ready for whatever came next. You weren't ready to move on. You weren't ready to expose someone, let alone Jake, to what could possibly be death for just the idea of knowing you. It was a hard no with a capital N and a full stop. One word. Just one. 

“Yes–” *Fuck* “But I just need time, I'm not ready for–” You were trying so hard to find the right words as small tears welled in your water line. “I need to sort a few things out before I can do this, if you don't mind just going real slow, like slower than this?” 

You saw the cogs turning in Jake's mind as a smile ear to ear took over his face. 

“I'll do whatever you want me to, just say the words.” Knowing that you really just wanted the day to yourself, Jake tried his best to effortlessly and as seamlessly as possible, tiptoe his way back to the first choice he had. “I uh–I hope you have a good reset.” 

You could tell Jake really wanted to stay, you could tell he was hanging out for you to change your mind. But you weren't about to, if anything you needed Jake out of your home before he saw anything else he wasn't supposed to see or do anything else you knew you weren't supposed to be doing. No matter how good it felt. 

“I hope the run doesn’t involve any more damsels,” You chuckled softly as you nudged Jake with your shoulder. “Guess you finally did earn the nickname ‘Bagman’ after all,” You chuckled again as Jake did too, nodding along in agreement. “Thanks again for helping me with my groceries, Seresin, I really appreciate it.” 

“Anytime–” Jake cooed as he smiled, heading back towards the front door with you. “See you for beer o’clock tomorrow?” 

“Oh, I'll be there.” You replied as you held the front door open for Jake. watching as he headed on down the hall and out of site. As soon as Jake was gone you shut the door tight, making sure it was locked but the three separate safety measures you had in place, before turning and sliding your back down the door until you hit the ground. “Oh my–” 

You couldn’t stop yourself from panicking as you curled your knees tight into your chest. Jake seresin, in your fucking house. KISSING YOU. What the fuck were you doing? You couldn't let your feelings get the better of you. You had a son to avenge, a husband to get justice for. It was bad enough that you'd slipped up and let Bob in on your situation, but you were clearly allowing Jake to get too close. 

As you tried to calm yourself down from the panic, your phone rang softly in the distance. Back up on the kitchen bench, your phone displayed a name you never liked hearing from. It was mandatory though, the check-ins, the updates, the constant “We’re making progress but can't tell you anything more than that.” 

As you peeled yourself from the floor you saw the name. The dreaded contact that made your heart drop every single time. With every call the memories that haunted you grew more and more real. The veil between reality and memory blurs to the point you aren’t sure what’s real and what’s the past. It all hurts the same though, internal suffering. The name that kept bringing it all back, time and time again. Year after year. Never allowing old wounds to heal. 

Roger. 

Suffering is optional……That person didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: 🏷️ @a-reader-and-a-writer @xoxabs88xox @hiireadstuff @buckysteveloki-me @athenabarnes @els-marvelvsp @blindedbythelightt @tayl0rhuynh @na-ta-sh-aa @kmc1989 @sunlightmurdock @jaxfart @lauenderhaze @sugarcoated-lame @maisie-rebloging-blog @captainmoonknight @seitmai @shanimallina87 @kajjaka @imnotcreativeenoughforthisblog @imladrisofabookdragon @buckysteveloki-me @mrsevans90 @allepaula @els-marvelvsp @djs8891 @paperbag33 @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @86laura11

[lieslab]

Ways to support the writer:

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

This is entirely different from what I usually post, but some of you have been seeking ways to give back. All of this is entirely optional and your choice. You can literally ignore this if you wish, it really doesn't matter.

The first thing that you can do, most of you already do it. Liking and reposting my stuff is the simplest thing you can do. It's free, it's easy, it takes two seconds, and it makes me happy. There's literally a pinned post at the top of my page that talks about how I want to eventually be a published author.

I still have a long way to go and my writing isn't perfect, but when you repost my stuff, I stalk your pages. Sometimes I find pages and I follow them because I like the stuff they post. Sometimes I'm snoopy and anonymously sneak into your inboxes. Plus, that shares my posts with your followers and exposure truly is everything in the writing industry. It can help make or break you.

If you want to go further than that, you can comment on my stuff. Most of the time, I usually respond to comments. I absolutely love reading your comments. It makes my heart so warm and so happy. Even if you hate the drabble because it makes you upset or causes you to cry, I love it. I love knowing that the words I write made an impact in your brain. It makes me so excited and, unfortunately, I don't have a photo of the serotonin that it provides me, so you'll just have to believe my words.

Once again, this is entirely just an option. People were asking, so I did it. This isn't me holding a gun to your head and forcing you into anything. This isn't me starting up commissions either because I have a fear of being sued by JYP and you shouldn't have to pay for your drabbles.

That being said, I opened up a Ko-fi. If you so choose to send anything in, it's going back into writing. It'll be used to buy pretty notebooks and gel pens. Maybe a coffee every now and then because I love writing and sipping coffee.

It'll also probably go towards the laptop fund I've been putting money into. I have to purchase a new laptop because guess who was crying while writing and broke two keys via accident? That's what happens when you angrily press the keys with blurry vision.

You guys don't know it, but I love taking notes. I have a large pile of notebooks and sticky notes. One of my favorite things to do is make lists and then cross them off as I complete each task. It brings me mass amounts of serotonin. Every new story I write, I create messy drafts in notebooks and I fill them with conversations I want the characters to have with each other. It's super fun and a good way for me to get the story on paper.

This doesn't really change anything. I'll still be here and writing when I have the time. My inbox is always open. You're still my lab rats and I truly do cherish your support. From the likes and comments on drabbles, to reading my full-length stories on Wattpad and Ao3, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

So thank you for sticking around and thank you for believing in me and my writing!! Who knows what the future holds, but I have no doubt that it'll be even brighter with your support.

<3 Lie

[ivy-saurs]

20 fic questions

i was tagged by @mutxnts ! thank you so much for the tag ash, i had a lot of fun answering these questions 💜

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 3 posted and i'm hoping to publish more this year! i have a few wips in the pipeline :)

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

40,769 words (haha 69 nice)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

ace attorney and the simon snow/carry on series

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a snowy christmas (simon snow) one of us is lying (simon snow) carpool (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes! comments give me so much serotonin hehe

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

none of the fics i've written really have angsty endings haha, they have angst in the middle/towards the end but then i like to end on a happy note. if i had to go with one, maybe it would be one of us is lying?

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i would go with carpool because even though the ending is open, there wasn't any angst in that fic and it was a pretty short and happy fic

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully i haven't so far 😅

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i don't at the moment but i would never say never...

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i've never written one but there are some very cool crossovers out there!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

thankfully not (at least not that i know of)

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no i haven't!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i haven't but it's definitely something i would be open to doing! in primary school, my best friend and i would often co-write stories together and it was so fun!

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either narumitsu or snowbaz

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm worried that i'll never actually finish the AU i've come up with where edgeworth owns a gay bar and suddenly he's losing customers because a rival gay bar opens next door - and it just so happens to be owned by a cute guy called phoenix wright...

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i'm fairly decent at writing dialogue and writing concisely!

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

stealing ash's answer for this one lol i'm also not the best at writing prose and i struggle with using flowery/poetic language and vocabulary

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't think i've ever done it before and if i did i would only do it for very well-known phrases in other languages like "te amo"

19. first fandom you wrote for?

technically pokemon when i was a kid, although i never published it, so if we're talking published works, then it's the simon snow fandom

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

one of us is lying! i worked so hard on it and i took a long break from writing it, to the point where i wasn't sure if i would ever finish it. but i did and it was SO worth it. i recently found my notes from when the fic was in its infancy and it made me so proud to see how much the fic changed and grew while i was writing it! it's my longest fic and i really wanted to post it all in one go - it took so much willpower to only post one chapter a week even though all of it was already written haha

i'm not sure who to tag but please feel free to do this if you want to and say that i tagged you in it, i always love reading people's answers to these questions!

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello, the matchup thing looked like it'd be fun to do-

My favorite song is Love Me Dead by Ludo ♡

Apparently my enneagram type is a 4? I'm not really sure what that means, I had to take a test to answer this ^^;

I never really had an imaginary friend, but there was this one time a couple years back that I was kind of hallucinating this tall dark shadowy figure that I named Dave.

I sleep on my stomach with a teddy bear, and the room has to be cold.

When I changed my name, there wasn't really any specific reason I chose Frankie. I was just scrolling through Nameberry and went "hehe, Frankenstein" and now here I am. It means free, which I think is nice. And if you look it up on The Urban Dictionary, it means person with a huge penis 🤠

Your Chaotic Roommate Confesses His Feelings For You. Literally free serotonin. When it first dropped it was the only thing I would listen to for like a month.

My moots are gonna attack me for this- I really don't get the hype around Anton. Maybe he'll grow on me eventually, but right now he just doesn't hold my attention :/

Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal! It's been my favorite movie since forever, and I have watched it more than enough for two lifetimes ☺️

Asher. He reminds me of my brothers, but nicer.

I could talk forever in a day about my original characters and stories <3 Unfortunately, no one ever wants to listen 😅

Usual gas station combo is a Dr. Pepper, or Cheerwine, and a Little Debbie treat ^^

I have an enemies to lovers playlist-

Fable II! My favorite favorite game :3

Extra stuffs: I have more stuffed animals than I have friends, OG Classic Care Bears is my home, I have three cats, my favorite animal is pigs, I like the color pink, and I'm an Aquarius.

Have a lovely timezone 💕

You’ve given me so much to work with, so much to chew on, which I deeply appreciate, because that makes my decision so easy. It’s your taste in tv and movies that really did it for me, that convinced me that you’d be a great match with Gavin.

Your sign and your enneagram give off the impression of a unique, singular type of person- creative, vibrant, never a dull moment. I think y’all would work well together because you and Gavin are cut from the same cloth and would like all the same things. (Also, of the bois, he strikes me as the most genuinely appreciative of the urbandictionary definition of your name.)

I can easily imagine you two settling in for a chill night of parallel playing with the TV playing Care Bears (which you had to introduce to him, but he deeply loves) in your delightful, colorful home. There are so many colors, so much pink, stuffed animals and a cat tree in every room. You can’t see him, but Caelum loves visiting y’all, making friends with your cats, and seeing Gavin be so incandescently comfortable and happy.

Song:

I'm all aglow, mmm, and now I know/ The key to all heaven is mine/ My heart has wings, mmm, and I can fly/ I'll touch every star in the sky/ So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of/ Mmm, mmm, so this is love

One of my favorite things about Gavin’s love story is the peace and softness he finds. This man is intimately expressing love while you sleep; he is so tender. I like this song for y’all because of those sweet, tender vibes. This is the music playing as he watches you, with your morning hair and breath, banter with a cat and as he falls even more deeply in love with you.

Runner-ups:

Guy is a really cute runner-up who I think would have more platonic chemistry with you than romantic but so much chemistry nonetheless. You two could make your OCs kiss all the time. Ollie is fun because he also strikes me as having a niche obsession with The Dark Crystal, so y’all would have that in common.

note: thank you for waiting and for telling me your favorite color, that was very helpful 💙

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[depravitycentral]

i love that you don't shy away from yandere themes that are considered gross! Period blood for example and invading reader's privacy in the bathroom. (Thankfully there's no sc*t 😅) A lot of your posts are 10k+ so I was wondering about your writing process

Do you write it all in one sitting? How long does it take you? If you get a block in the middle, do you just give up on it or force yourself to finish it? What's your favorite thing you've written?

Aww thank you for the reassurance! I'm never totally sure how things like that will be received - my goal when I write yandere works is to tap into the more creepy and gross side of the yandere, and I think that can turn a lot of people off from reading my stuff. Thank you for being a trooper and dealing with it, though; you have my heart <3

(Also please don't worry, scat will NEVER make an appearance on my blog. Other icky, nasty body fluids? Sure, but I have to draw the line somewhere and that's where I've chosen.)

As far as my writing process goes, I kind of go in spurts! This weekend I've been feeling weirdly productive and I had a lot of free time (a rare commodity), so I was able to sit down and pound out some of those profiles. I tend to get inspiration for a character and write like 60-75% of their profile in one sitting, then suddenly lose all motivation and want to stop to take like a snack break or do something else for a while. A lot of times when I'm that close to being done I just force myself to finish it, which sometimes has better results than others. (The Nobunaga nsfw profile, for example, was completed about 65% of the way done when I suddenly crashed on it, but I banged it out from start to finish in one sitting, so if there are lulls in the writing that's probably why.) If I leave something halfway done, there's all kinds of little notes and bullet points written down on the document with ideas I was working with, but sometimes I wait so long to return back to that specific work that I totally forget/don't understand what the bullet points are saying, which sucks.

For time, I would say it takes me somewhere around 3-4 hours to write each profile if I'm really focused, but the total time (including brainstorming) is probably averaged more around 5-6 hours. The nsfw ones have less content so they take less time, but the general ones are the ones I have to really think about and analyze, which often tends to require watching a few more episodes with that character in it just to get a good feel for them as I head into writing. (Unfortunately, haikyuu has become virtually impossible to find for free nowadays, so for all my haikyuu works I'm mostly just working off memory. I'm a little worried they aren't super accurate to the characters, but the show must go on.)

I don't really have a favorite thing I've written! Occasionally I'll look through my blog and see something I posted and go oh really? Was that me? Did I post that? I don't remember most of the details of things I post, so it's actually kind of a treat for me to go back and reread my work because it's like I'm reading a brand new fic. (Aside from all the grammar errors I suddenly find. Ugh.) I will say that all the Feitan stuff came much easier than I thought it would - I was kind of dreading writing for him because he's so popular among the fans and is kind of difficult for me to grasp, but once I started it just kind of kept coming. So if I had to choose, maybe his profiles!

Thank you for all the questions - self reflection is always a good thing! And thank you for sending in this ask - the little rush of serotonin I get whenever I see a notification that something new is in my inbox is crazy.

[yooniesim]

any suggestions for becoming a sims based blog? I used to do it back in the hayday of sims 3 but it's been YEARS and I still absolutely love making sims, but I'm too shy and nervous to interact with the community ;;;

hi nonny! this is a complicated question that I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask lol but let me try it out. I think I'm gonna separate it into two parts for ease of reading. And sorry if it's a bit more cynical than you probably expected. I've just learned a lot i wish I had done from the start, lol. So here we go.

Sims content

Post whatever tf you feel like. If you love making sims, post the hell outta them and don't worry about what anyone thinks. There's no one perfect type of content to appeal to everyone; the community is made up of a million smaller niche ones. Editors, sim makers, gameplayers, storytellers, cc makers, etc. If you're passionate about it, you'll find people that love your posts. So don't worry too much.

Don't get too hung up on editing, if you want your pics to look "better" then use gshade/reshade and/or simple psd actions to your liking. Don't let it get stressful cos it ain't worth it. If you don't enjoy editing, don't do it at all. (I wrote more about how I edit & make it easier in this post)

Try your very best not to worry about notes. I know it's hard. Everyone wants their stuff to be seen, but when it comes to engagement on here, you're aiming for quality over quantity. A few awesome mutuals commenting on your stuff is way better than 600 silent likes. Also, having more attention sucks bc it brings the vile swamp rats out of their holes to see what shit they can stir up. The brief serotonins aint worth it. Just aim to find a few cool ppl to talk about your sims with cos thats all that matters.

If you want, find bachelor/ette or similar challenges ppl are doing and submit sims for them. And once you get some mutuals/followers, open sim requests so you can make sims for people. It's super fun and awesome to see your sims in other people's games! And you don't have to talk too much if you don't feel like it, but it's an easy way to get involved with others.

Social stuff & safety

Comment on peoples posts often if you like them. Engage with ppl. Reblog posts you see you like but don't really have any reblogs. I know you said you're shy but, this is most of the way to actual have mutuals that enjoy talking to you and comment on your stuff as well. You can just not talk if you want but it'll make it harder to have any engagement unless you're really good at edits or cc making.

Don't get involved with drama/discourse, it means nothing and amounts to nothing. If you're going to boost someone else's post, look into it first and look for evidence that it's even true before you reblog. If people hate on you in your inbox, block the anon and don't respond even to laugh at them. Block anyone that gives you bad vibes. They look at you funny, breathe wrong, use a color you don't like. Block. If anyone tries to start shit with you, block & completely ignore them & don't comment on it. It hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it, and people will move on if you ignore them.

Don't reveal any personal info about yourself on here or to anyone in DMs. Don't use your real name. Don't have anything connected to your other socials. Don't trust anyone on here with your vulnerable emotions, past trauma, etc. And don't say anything in DM you wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone else on the internet potentially seeing.

If you pledge to people on patreon, be aware that your email will show up on their end when you do. Dont use your real name as your patreon username.

If simblr is causing you stress, you feel like your mental health is suffering, take breaks. Log off or delete the app for a while.

And... I think that's all I can think of for now. If there's anything else detailed you wanna ask about feel free. But these are just my general thoughts. Good luck, nonny :)

[primewritessmut]

💞 😬🎉🤯

💞 Who's your comfort character?

I mean, recently? Probably Mobius M. Mobius. He’s such an interesting character and I like turning him around in my brain like a Rubik’s Cube. Twisting one side to see if/how that changes the other sides. But historically, it’s been Venom. Eddie and the symbiote brought me a lot of comfort when I’ve needed it at different points in my life and I imagine they will continue to do so.

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Oh my god. All of them? There really is something behind the mortifying ordeal of being seen. There are a few people in my life that know I write fanfic but they (almost) never ask to read it and I never offer. Of the two that have asked to read something, we’ve literally never spoken of it again.

I tend to tell people the truth when they ask me what I’m writing about (“the vulnerability of trust and knife kink” or “a guy getting sounded by the alien that lives in his body”) and it’s a really easy way to gauge whether people are going to be cool or not. They usually do some combination of freeze/grimace/wide eyes and then, again, we NEVER SPEAK OF IT.

But, to honestly answer your question, I would probably be most horrified if someone stumbled across she’s not going to die today. That probably marks the true beginnings of my downward spiral.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Usually that I finish it. That’s the main reason I started writing fanfic in the first place: to fucking finish something. Up to the point of Need a Helping Hand? I’d literally never finished a story, just let them float free form through my brain or exist on lost post-it notes or in half-empty notebooks.

After a while, I also started making mini-goals related to most of what I was writing and that, too, becomes a mark of success in its way. Do I feel like I improved at writing banter? Did I effectively use first person pov? Was there finally not a happy ending for once?

And then, you know, the serotonin and dopamine factor. As in does it provide me enough?

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Fantasy. Historical. Mysteries and Thrillers. Honestly anything that requires me to do a ton of research or think too deeply about the world of the story.

Like I said somewhere else, I mostly write linearly, straight out the gate, from beginning to end with no planning. If a story requires a lot of planning (which I think all the above genres do) then I’m going to get gummed up in the works and never write anything.

Huh. Maybe that’s why I never finished anything before NAHH? I was always trying to write fucking fantasy.

x

[brisquad-unit-4402]

4402's 100 follower event rules and prompts

hello my name is 4402 but all my friends call me 4402. i don't like to take my tactical gear off but you can tell it's me because i'm really happy i have 100 followers...!

once again, thank you for all your support. whenever i see a notification that someone interacted with my fics it's an instant shot of serotonin to keep me going! i am incredibly flattered to have you here, so i'm now officially running an event to celebrate

i will be tagging everything for this event as #100 followers for 4402!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

i attached a prompt list at the bottom of this post. feel free to request a prompt with up to five characters (however i'll write for everyone in iluna at a time on request, they're my one exception). i'll write a short drabble or hc, feel free to specify if you'd prefer one over the other

all of my rules apply for this event as well.

anyone is free to request regardless if you're following me or not! feel free to send as many requests as you'd like!

a note about mature prompts: i added 15 mature prompts under the read more. i won't write anything explicit, only suggestive/mature content. the mature prompts are for 18+ only. if you would like to request a mature prompt, please include your age in your bio/request. i will be blocking any minors under 18 that request a mature prompt

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Prompts

first kiss

surprise date

baking/cooking together

surprise hug

wearing their jacket

horror movie

pining

checking them out

pinned down

adjusting a tie or necklace

stolen kiss

kissing before leaving for the day

lingering hug

karaoke

speechless

playing with hair

kabedon

wearing their clothes

self-care day

secret relationship

red-faced

kiss on the hand

off-collab

defending you/them

retail therapy

dare

kissing in the rain

princess carry

dancing

holding hands while walking

compliment

apology

comfortable silence

making out

fixing their clothes

first aid

embarrassed

falling asleep while cuddling

proposal

kiss on the cheek

maid dress

comforting you

giving or receiving flowers

expensive gift

last kiss

18+ Only Mature Prompts

please specify your age on your blog bio or in your ask. i will be deleting asks and/or blocking blogs that do not state their age or are minors

[mature] hot spring

[mature] massage

[mature] sending pictures

[mature] lingerie

[mature] blindfold

[mature] body worship

[mature] undressing

[mature] thigh highs

[mature] dirty talk

[mature] underwear

[mature] showering together

[mature] public

[mature] hickey

[mature] teasing

[mature] praise

[vvvrrroooomm]

Home Sweet Home

Summary:

After multiple fights and struggles (especially with taking care of the Bard King and his stupid college) Roman, Youngblood and Noise head back to Reston.

Notes:

~ If you have any hurt or fluff prompts for Roman of Reston/Roman Sanders - because I project onto them - feel free to submit them to me! I'm a multishipper for a handful of things so you can send that stuff to me. Just no NSFW I'm a minor.

~ Sorry this took so long to get this out, I've had the idea and its been sitting half finished for a week and a half but stuff got really stressful and I felt like my writing and art skills were absolutley terrible and I didn't want to touch any of my fanfic our half finished art pieces in fear of ruining them. Anyways, be ready for some smack-you-in-the-face, hardcore angst because I need a way to get my pent up emotions out so the Romeo and Juliet style fic is going to hurt a LOT more than any of you could ever guess.

But thanks for your response on my posts, and I really am so grateful you all enjoy my fics even if I can't finish them sometimes. Whether its due to brain dropping fandoms and picking up new ones and shaking them aggressively to get as much serotonin as possible or I just don't feel like writing, you all seem to keep reading. So thank you so much, and enjoy some fluff from my favorite OT3.

Roman brushes his hand through the wheat, occasionally rubbing at the gauze pads on his cheek and sholder, as gold light settles over his shoulders and creates elongated shadows of he, Noise and Youngblood. He takes long strides through the straight-shot path, excitedly explaining to Noise how delightful Reston is and how sure he is about how the people will love him.

"The food is great, the people are great and you're great!" He explains, "It all balances out."

"Roman, you really need to cut it out with the compliments." Noise insists, waving his hand at him, but that doesn't stop him.

"How could I stop, you really are great, you're both great!"  Roman walks backwards, and gestures to Noise and Youngblood who are both blushing and have been for the last twenty minutes. Roman has been going on and on about how excited he is to return home, excitedly but also nervously rambling about telling the stories they have all gained from the adventure. He isn't exactly sure how to explain some of the gorey or darker details that are extremely important to include, but not the most comfortable to explain in the story. He also isn't sure how to explain that hes dating two people at once. Roman mindlessly rambles, slowly becoming incoherent.

"How-" Youngblood wavers, "how about we save the story for tomorrow? When we get to Reston, it's gonna be late. We'll try to mellow out the darker stuff, and when we're all ready we'll take about our relationship?"

"That sounds good," Roman affirms, "sorry, I'm just trying to map everything out in my head."

"You're okay, we both understand why you're nervous." Noise assures, "Just keep telling me about Reston. Do you have anymore stories?"

"No, not really," Roman says, "my childhood wasn't that exciting."

"Really? You barely told us five stories." Noise asks.

"Sure I have more, but those were the good ones." Roman explains, "The rest are boring."

"They can't be that boring." Noise gives a chuckle under his breath, not being able to imagine someone as rambunctious and unaware as Roman having an uneventful childhood.

"They are." Roman assures, "I didn't really have any friends, and my dad and aunt patty were usually busy so I spent most days in my room or out helping villagers."

"Does everyone in your village know you?" Noise asks, sarcastically.

"Yeah, actually." Roman says, completely missing Noises' sarcasm, "There aren't a lot of us, and my dad and Aunt Patty are the town protectors, so of course they know me." He explains, "I would go around helping everyone and keeping them company to avoid being bored out of my mind. Playing in the yard gets boring after a while."

"Thats why you started doing art, right?" Youngblood asks.

"Yeah, but with no real inspiration, I would wander around town and draw inspiration from that." Roman says, "Go look at the other kids playing, Burgundy making bread, Dorian would tell me stories, Samuel was really good at pointing out locations he thought I would enjoy drawing."

"You never joined the other kids?" Noise asks.

"Tried, we just didn't click." Roman gestures his hand around and they bounce together we he finishes his sentence.

Noise decides that maybe there's more to that story that Roman doesn't really dig into. Which is not good for him in the slightest, but right now hes blissful and happy. He supposes that's a conversion for another day.

Roman continues to ramble about Reston and such as he guides them down the path, even though there isn't much guiding to be done. Soon enough, the tall wooden sign labelling the town comes into view and Roman excitedly rushes forward, leaving Youngblood and Noise in the dust. The two of them pick up the pace to keep close, but don't bother running. All of their feet hurt and they ran out of water an hour ago.

Roman easily makes it to the front of town before the two of them and rocks back and forth on his heels as he waits for them. The southern edge of Reston is relatively empty, especially during the evening, besides Fast Timmy, Mel and Hendersons' wrecked barn that seems to be fixed back up. Roman keeps taking in breaths to smell the familiar scent of Burgundy Reds Breads and is just vibrating with excitement. He is painstakingly talking to Noise about last minute stuff about Reston before hes nearly knocked off his feet by a blue lightning whirl that seemingly comes out of nowhere.

"Oh- my goodness!" Noise reaches out to catch him, but Roman quickly steadies himself with his arms stretched out. He looks down, and sees exactly what he expects. Fast Timmy has wrapped himself around Romans' legs and doesn't seem like he intends on letting go.

Youngbloods face drops slightly, but is aware that they left on okay-ish terms with Fast Timmy and his gang.

"Hey buddy." Roman says, patting his newsboy cap.

"You were gone for far too long." Fast Timmy hastens to remark, looking up at Roman.

"Yes, yes." Roman scoffs, "Say, where are the other two?"

"They're probably catching up." Fast Timmy says before catching sight of Noise, who is awkwardly lingering behind Youngblood.

"Who's that?" He asks, letting go of Roman to edge closer.

"That is my new friend Noise," Roman explains, "I met them while me and Youngblood were out adventuring."

"Cool." Fast Timmy edges closer to Noise as Mel and Henderson come barreling around the barn, both smacking into Roman and Youngblood.

"Hello, Henderson!" Roman says, apparently not ready for the second of many rounds of excited hugging. Mel seems unusually chipper and immediately asks Youngblood, the only one she knows is magical, about any potions or magic they learned about on their trip.

"I got a potion set," She says, "I'm just curious." Her face is twisted into a mischievous grin which definitely means they, most likely, already have something planned with Mels' newfound power.

Henderson is also asking a load of questions regarding their journey, and so is Fast Timmy who is surprisingly interested in Noise with his horns and batton and clothes.

"I promise I'll answer all your questions when I can," Roman assures, crouched so he can be on the same level as Henderson, "but for now I'm looking for my dad. You got any idea where he is?"

"He's probably near the center of town if hes not at your house." Henderson says, "Can we walk with you guys? Can I walk with you guys?"

"I don't see why not?" Roman ruffles Henderson's hair before he stands up and motions to Youngblood and Noise that they should keep walking. They do so, and Mel and Fast Timmy tag along and continue to ask boat-loads of questions.

As they approach the front of town, there are more buildings and maybe two people. Reston is very accustomed to going to bed early. Though, the two people they do walk past give them a glance at Roman and scurry away. Roman pays no attention to it, but both Youngblood and Noise can't help but feel a very slight sting of anger in the back of their heads at how they seemed almost weary of Roman. They both push away the thought as they focus back on the manogarie of questions the kids are asking them.

"What was it like? Outside of Reston?" Henderson asks.

"Very different." Roman says, "Some places are a lot like Reston, but some are the complete opposite. Stuff I couldn't even imagine."

"Like what?"

"Well, what's the most unbelievable thing you can imagine?" Roman asks.

"Uhm..." Henderson pauses to think, "Someone with... wings." He drawls.

"Seen it." Roman says, feelings like the most knowledgable person in the world for a moment.

"Really?!" Hendersons' face lights up.

"Yep," I promise I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

"You promise?" Henderson asks.

"Promise."

Behind them Noise is slowly answering Fast Timmys' questions, who seems deeply intrigued in Noise and their look.

Roman has begun talking to Youngblood as Henderson and Mel hang around them, and none of them even notice the distant clanking of heavy armour. It's only Noise that notices it, but doesn't get to say anything before Roman is, again, nearly knocked over (yet again out of the blue). Roman freezes for a moment and blinks before chuckling, and clearing his throat to push out the sound of fatigue in his voice. 

"Hey, dad." He says, smiling and hugging the man dressed in scuffed, silver armour back. Somehow, this is the first time he has ever made it to him before Aunt Patty, even though shes merely two seconds behind. She also joins them and Roman breathes out an exasperated laugh, "Aunt Patty you're going to crush me."

"Just one more second, Deary." She says, holding Roman and Ryker as close as humanly possible. Eventually, though, she lets go and Roman regains his breath as Noise and Youngblood attempt to stifle their chuckles. "Sorry, I have to make up for lost time."

"You can make up for lost time soon, Patty." Ryker says, "Let him sit down before you crush him."

"Sorry, sorry, it just feels so good to know you're back." Aunt Patty ruffles Romans' hair before looking back at Youngblood and Noise, "Good to see you too, Youngblood. And Roman, who is this new friend you've brought with you?"

"Oh, that's Noise. He's an old friend of Youngbloods'." Roman explains.

"Oh, how delightful!" Aunt Patty says, promptly walking over to shake Noises' hand, "Very nice to meet you, dear."

"Nice to meet you, too, I have heard much about you and Romans' father." Noise shakes Aunt Pattys' hand, trying to come off as well-going as possible.

While Noise and Youngblood are being bombarded by Aunt Patty, Ryker is cautiously looking Roman over. He stretches his arm out and rubs his thumb over the gauze pad on Romans’ cheek,

”What happened? Are you okay?” Ryker asks, “That’s quite a large bandage, and you’ve got an even bigger one on your shoulder.”

”Just a little fight, between the three of us we handled it quite well.” Roman assures, “It’s just a cut, and the one on my shoulder is just a small burn.”

”Burn? Someone burned you?” Ryker narrows his eyes as his posture striaghtens.

”Yes, but I’m okay.” Roman hastens to say as he pulls his fathers hand away, “Youngblood healed it up for the most part. And, hey, we’ll match.” Roman waves his hand up at the gauze on his cheek.

Ryker chuckles, but the worry lingers on his voice. Roman doesn't even know how he's going to explain the multiple times he almost died and/or bawled his eyes out.

"How'd you find out we were here?" Roman glances around to see if someone is looking on.

"Two villagers caught sight of you and came to us." Ryker explains, "Thankfully, I was a few steps ahead of your Aunt, so I was able to get a good hug in before she blocked you off."

Roman laughs and looks around, rolling back on his heels, taking in the candle-lit street lights and smell of fresh baked bread and a feeling of security and comfort washes over him. Sure, some of the other towns he visited were similar to Reston. Some places were fancier or more advanced. Some places were more exciting and bustling with people. But, nothing,

absolutley nothing

could compare to Reston.

"Feels great to be home." He says.

[captain-krow-drozdov]

I posted 4,092 times in 2022

That's 4,092 more posts than 2021!

244 posts created (6%)

3,848 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ambersky0319

@gender-luster

@soni-dragon

@whitebeltwriter

@mrowtastic

I tagged 2,895 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#rottmnt - 572 posts

#danny phantom - 353 posts

#dp x dc - 287 posts

#free serotonin - 200 posts

#dc x dp - 125 posts

#the owl house - 110 posts

#captain is rambling again - 101 posts

#🦀click🦀clack🦀 - 84 posts

#captain is rambling again - 77 posts

#ayo important shit - 74 posts

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I offer you some meh quality Vertical Limit memes

See the full post

751 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#4

Well Lads Lex Luthor's Ascent From Supervillainy To Fatherhood Has Updated, You Know What That Means =) Meh Quality Meme Time!

See the full post

780 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

Vertical Limit Updated Babes! You Know What That Means! Meh Quality Meme Time!

See the full post

994 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#2

Welp I'm Back On My Binge Reading BS Bois! Just Caught Up On Robin's Egg, You Know What That Means :) Meh Quality Meme Time!

See the full post

1,055 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Aight I Finally Binge Read Lex Luthor's Ascent From Supervillainy To Fatherhood, You Know What That Means Lads! Meh Quality Meme Time!

See the full post

1,252 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theworldwalkerswols]

HELLO AND WELCOME TO ~THE UNHINGED ZONE~

I am Old and full of debaucherous thoughts. You have been warned/curate your experience appropriately!

Follows, Likes, and Replies come from @theworldwalkersdiaries

To those of you who reblog/like my original stuff, I see u, I offer u a great big /DOTE ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Find me elsewhere with my Linktree 🌲🌳🌴🌵

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Glaze | Nightshade | Cara App (integrated with WebGlaze CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE)

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PSA

I am not here to yuck anybody’s yums! Interpretations of canon, headcanons, ships, kinks, etc.: you do you! I like interpreting and analyzing and contextualizing things I like. That does not mean my takes are good or correct or right for you. I like seeing other people’s takes because all of us bring our own lens to the things we interpret.

Our mileage will vary. This is fine. Chase your bliss. I am here to vibe and collect things like a little Anxious dragon.

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Links for Browsing

Stuff I Made (disambiguation) | Drawings & Visual Art | Writing & Fic

DEBAUCHERY | Haurchefant Leather Kink Truther Files

FFXIV Screenshots | Headcanons | WoL Questions

Art I Commissioned | Ask Games | Ask Responses

Best Videos Archive

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OCs & Ships

WoL!Kyler Drake | WoL!Zane Drake | Klynrhot "Rhot" Hyltklinsyn

Kyler's NPC Polycule | Playlist: The Warrior of Light and his Loves

Kyler & Cherry | Amrielle & Zane | Kyler & Wesley

Want more? My WoLs have their own website, because I'm that person. It's perpetually under construction, please pardon the dust etc etc

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OC Boundaries

SFW visual Fanart: Yes! I will cry (positive)! Want to depict our OCs being friends? GO FORTH, I WILL CRY MORE (VERY POSITIVE)!!

NSFW visual Fanart: Maybe! If it's something depicted in my fics, go for it! Anything else, please ask!

Writing: Please do not write my OCs unless it's a brief cameo. Please feel free to ask though!

RP: Not right now. I used to RP a lot, and still do from time to time, but my social anxiety often renders RPing a negative experience for me unless I know my RP partner(s) already. Who knows? This may change in the future.

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Fic Corner

I write a lot of XIV fic, much of it featuring my main WoL, Kyler Drake. Some of it I'm even rather proud of. If you are interested, I made a Reading Guide as a place to get started! As always tho, you do you and mind the tags! ♡

Although I know there is no fully preventing it, I have locked all of my ao3 works to guard against AI scraping. NEVER use anything of mine with AI.

Please never hesitate to absolutely obliterate my notifications, regardless of platform. In Ao3's case, I hoard every kudo and comment like a serotonin- and dopamine-starved dragon. They really make my day!

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...and of course -_-;;

I am fundamentally against monetization of every skill and passion and art form, but unfortunately I live in a capitalist hellscape. So if for some reason you like my work and wanna kick me a tip, you may do that here.

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I'll edit this post as I want and as time allows. Thanks for stopping by!!

[a-bucket-full-of-feels]

It's honestly insane to realise that the word count I have put out as a fanfic writer in the past 12 months (Oct'23 to present, Jul'24) is almost the same and in fact slightly more than the word count for my fics in 2016. To put it into perspective, 2016 was the year I just began university and I wrote most of my longer works during that few months break before beginning university.

I recently re-read most of my fics while I was sick in bed one day (but not sick enough to crash and fall asleep lol), and came to the conclusion that I was really in my peak form as a fic writer in 2016. I put out my most iconic love live fics (that Nozoeli law student part-time librarian/sex shop retail assistant AU and Nicomaki medical AU), which in retrospect were actually quite well written in terms of prose, storyline and pacing. Despite these fics being the most popular ones, for some reason I didn't really like it as much as for example the Kumirei S1 fix-it which I also wrote that same year, but after re-reading it years later, I actually thought my writing style back then was much better than it is right now.

I honestly have massive respect for fic writers who can put out works that are like 50k+ and 100k+ words long, even though I personally cannot commit to reading those because I'm not a big fic reader myself and I go for shorter works just for that quick kick of serotonin. I don't know about other writers but I'm not a very fast writer myself - it really depends if I have a clear picture of what I want to write in my head or not, but if I'm productive, I probably only put out between 1-2k words a day across maybe 2-3 hours of interspersed writing. And there's also the editing because I realise my tendency to write run-on sentences is awful (you can tell from my stream of consciousness Hibike S3 rambles which are rarely edited btw), and also trying to make dialogue sound natural without awkward expressions. It's extremely rewarding to finally complete a work that has been living rent-free in your head for days and weeks, but it's also a bit draining because all I'm thinking about is getting that story written before my muse goes away.

So perhaps after I'm done with that Kumirei S3 post-canon fic, I will take a step back from writing fics again (but it could be too soon to say, for all you know a sudden bout of inspiration will hit me again and I'll write yet another fic). I'll be publishing a separate commentary post about it once the final chapter goes up, which will be linked in the ao3 notes.

[rysingsun]

I posted 4,964 times in 2022

That's 1,303 more posts than 2021!

121 posts created (2%)

4,843 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@killjoygem

@sharkface-daydreams

@chromaticroses

@kyidyl

I tagged 4,105 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#serotonin - 1,095 posts

#funny - 917 posts

#moon knight - 327 posts

#neat - 288 posts

#truth - 267 posts

#video - 260 posts

#queer stuff - 257 posts

#important - 252 posts

#tumblr - 158 posts

#relatable - 113 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#just ‘cause your genital preference ‘aligns’ with cisheteronormative ideas doesn’t mean that’s the only valid experience of your orientation

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So apparently people think neopronouns are brand new and like to make fun of them. I saw a bunch of people saying “just use they or it”, calling people who use neopronouns disgraces to society, etc. Just general vehemence likely spawned from viewing neopronouns as a useless recent fad. Quick queer history lesson! Feel free to add on if you have more detail, this is just pulling from what I remember.

"They" only became mainstream as singular recently. Until then, neopronouns (literally "new pronouns") were singular alternatives to he and she. The reason there are so many "options" is because a consensus was never made for a definitive gender-neutral pronoun in the mainstream, so people kept coming up with new ones over the decades (centuries? been a bit since I read up on this). 

People who use neopronouns today typically do because they dislike that “they” has both plural and singular connotations, making it a messy replacement for he or she. Most nonbinary people (self included) have adopted "they" because it's currently the most accepted by society (a very small few use “it”, but most view that as dehumanizing. Don’t refer to someone as “it” unless it specifically tells you it uses those pronouns). 

I hear "why don't they just make up a new word" about singular they and "why don't they just use they" about neopronouns. I think everyone just needs to chill and use whatever the person wants. Idk how to use neopronouns bc no one in my life uses them, but I'd fuckin learn. 

Give it a decade or two, nonbinary people being relatively socially accepted is still new. Neopronouns will either all die out in favor of singular they, or one or two will become common use and the others will fall out of use. As for genuinely new neopronouns (not aware of any, personally. 99% sure ey/em, xe/xem, ze/zir, etc outlive me), it’s only a growing list if people you refer to use such varying pronouns. I am nonbinary. I have a handful of non-binary friends. None of us use neopronouns. How many people are there in your life that each use different neopronouns for you to be audibly frightened? If someone says they go by any neopronouns, you don’t have to learn them all. Just one.

I know learning new things and changing your vocabulary is scary, but very few people use neopronouns. They are not something to be forcibly stamped out, but treated with respect. Yes, some baby queers have adopted them, but I’m sure there are also people who have used them for decades in the circles that they were out in. 

If someone in your life uses neopronouns, learn them. Think of it not as a foolish impossible task, but as a brain exercise, because if English is your first language you haven’t had to actively think about learning NEW pronouns in English since you were an itty-bitty tot. Don’t assume defeat, view it as a challenge. And if no one in your life uses neopronouns... why tf are you complaining about something that doesn’t affect you?

13 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

#4

my ideal episode 6

-we FINALLY officially meet jake. bonus points if jake is based right out the gate and if marc says any stupid shit jake sets him straight

-the scales are explicitly stated to not be ableist (idk running out of words juice but you know what i mean— integration is not the end goal for every system and should not be implied to be and should definitely never be forced). basically just explain them better. they’re anubis’ scales and he needs to be freed from his lil statue still. maybe he’ll do that chad move where everyone else thinks they understand how it works and he’s just like, “no, the problem was actually the lack of communication. yeah, that also solved it but that was kind of a fucked up loophole and honestly shouldn’tve happened.” or “yeah no shit it wasn’t balanced. you’re supposed to weigh one heart at a time. she confused the scales! it’s a soul per person not per body. you each needed to be weighed separately. steven’s probably would’ve been balanced too at that point, the idiot just had them both on at once.”

-steven is brought back to life (maybe the gods do it as an apology “yea sorry for not listening to you, here’s your buddy back”)

-the mk system goes to ACTUAL therapy with a qualified professional

14 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#3

would a power fantasy be called a

kingk?

20 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

#2

two options for the scales:

1) only one heart was supposed to be weighed at a time so that’s why it couldn’t perfectly balance until steven was gone (but if tawaret weighed them each individually it would’ve given proper results)

2) the “soul” is one per body so even though there are three people, all three hearts needed to be weighed at once but jake’s wasn’t there (but doesn’t explain why it balanced after steven was gone— jake’s heart still wasn’t there)

if it turns out to be anything else i’m calling bullshit and writing my first fix-it fic

24 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

me @ fictional characters:

i love you

not in a romantic way

in a i want to cry and hug you way

33 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[writethatdown]

so I was in a pretty bad rut for a few weeks, and now I'm in a fairly better place, still not living on a full fledge but the initial fog has lifted.

rut could be from a lot of things: burnout, lack of motivation, procrastination, outside triggers, bad mental health, or the overwhelming feeling of life falling apart but too numb to act upon it. the causes of it could be numerous as well: online schooling, student stress, work stress, a certain relationship with someone not working out or being stuck at an uncomfortable environment.

so I just want to remind you that you aren't alone love. you will eventually find a way out. you just gotta give yourself time.

note: this isn't science supported or anything. it's just a bunch of thoughts I had while I was trying to get back the stability in my life. I'm not all the way successful at handling my daily routine like a pro either. if any of you have better alternative in mind, feel free to add/correct.

let yourself feel: give yourself some time to feel the sadness, cry about it, wrap yourself up in blankets, sleep if you're tired and let it all out.

remind yourself about the things that makes you feel happy and the things you love: so when your life slows down and everything seems to be distasteful, it maybe because you haven't revisited your favorite hobbies in a long time. maybe you had detached yourself from your comfort shows, books, any form of entertainment. so go back to them. remind yourself about the things which makes you, you.

change the perspective around this funk phase: now the immediate response we have when we hit a rut is the guilt of not being productive. well you see, the first ultimate aim should be to get yourself back together. what have you been shoving away for too long? maybe it's a good talk with your best friend, go talk to your support group and the people who make you feel loved. but if you're someone stuck in a place where there aren't much people to remind you that irl, read posts from the #selfcare #gentlereminders tags on tumblr or pinterest. there are so many sweet people across the internet who know how you feel and have written about the same. listen to music, vent in a diary and get yourself back.

some ideas to get some serotonin inside you: music + dance, if you haven't taken a shower in a while—change your clothes, put on some dry shampoo and deo and comb your hair with fingers. eat and hydrate. aesthetic vlogs on youtube. making moodboards on pinterest for your favorite show, band, movie, aesthetic, anything. paint, draw, doodle or color. rewatch your comfort shows, movies or series. read or reread the works from your fave genre. stretch a little. make lists of random things. watch the sunset. look at clouds and stars. write a letter to your loved one, your past self or your future self.

identify the things which went out of proportion these days: maybe you were not taking care of properly these few days. not enough hydration, food maybe? find that out and make a reminder to slowly getting back into it. not by the span of a day. give yourself a week or two if you need to it's okay!

think about what new things are to be implemented and what was not working earlier: only now you will have to focus with the problem at hand. let's say your poor organization for school led to this much frustration. it's okay. we all learn gradually. so find out how you can organize better. there's literally so many resources across each of these problems on the internet. and once you do, start really small. as said earlier, give yourself enough time to get used to it. unrealistic expectations will make sticking to habits hard.

always remember winding down and taking some time out for your soul is important as well: the thing about consistency is to always go back to our why's and values and our happy things as frequently as possible. we tend to forget about the little things which are parts of us. so take time out for your hobbies and loved ones!

I'm not sure how much of a help these had been. I hope this makes sense. getting yourself back up doesn't happen in a day. give yourself as much time as you want. please please please don't be hard on that cute little yourself. that thing which brought you down was hard enough and you fought through all of it love! so I want you to give yourself a loving pat on the back and be proud! do feel free to share your experience and tips regarding this. it'll be greatly appreciated!!

[none-shall-caricature-me]

DOES ATSUSHI'S HEALING INCLUDE HEALING TRAUMA - INDUCED IMBALANCES IN THE BRAIN ? IF SO, THEN WHY ISN'T THAT HAPPENING ?

---------------------------------------

Depression, anxiety, stress - these manifest due to changed levels of neurotransmitters in the brain (high dopamine and very low serotonin). Extreme trauma also damages brain function and decision - making abilities. Severe PTSD causes career and relationships - threatening negative reactions AND destroys the ability to feel positive emotions, resulting in chronic depression.

Atsushi can heal his body indefinitely. But all the PTSD and trauma from his job that is bound to age a person's brain, can he reverse that too? If he can, do his emotional issues persist because he wants to hold onto his trauma, as others have pointed out? But why does he do that ? Does he hold onto his traumatic memories so that in the future he can recognise warning signs of abuse and danger like the ones he faced at the orphanage ? Maybe he thinks that by forgetting these depressing incidents he'll lower his guard. Or, as others have said, his past abuse is his motivation to prove the Headmaster wrong by choosing to live even through pain. So he thinks he'll lose the will to live through suffering if he forgets his past. Maybe he compares every bad occurrence to his childhood, and tries to feel grateful that at least he's not sequestered away from opportunities anymore. At least he is free to experience various posdibilities for the future now.

Through chapter 65, we know Yosano cannot heal psychological trauma. But memories and negativity have a physical existence in the brain, as neural links, affected brain regions and neurotransmitters. Then why can't she heal that ? Did her soldier patients accumulate depression even after repeated healing, because they got to know about the horrible effects of their situation through information? Or if her ability can heal trauma but can't erase memories associated with it, did the soldiers again and again realise that their situation was hopeless, even if they used their past memories to avoid repeating their past fatal mistakes ?

Does Atsushi hold onto trauma for the aforementioned possible reasons, OR because his ability can't erase factual memories associated with his trauma, but can only erase the hopelessness and depression the memories cause ? In the second case, so when he's in a dire enough situation, will his factual brain put two and two together and tell him he's gotten into horrid shit ?

Since Atsushi isn't healing his trauma, will he end up depressed without hope like Yosano's soldiers? He's facing so many completely new dangers back to back. Or will he not end up that badly, since people like Naomi, Tanizaki, Kyouka, Kenji, Lucy, Kunikida genuinely care for him and do their best to protect him? It all depends on how devastating the threats that the ADA deals with become.

I want to see Yosano be more protective of Atsushi, by realising that his fate could become disturbily similar to that of her soldiers if things go wrong, eapecially simce he is so idealistic and impressionable.

(DON'T DARE TO PLAGIARISE OR REPOST MY ORIGINAL POST)

(Note - I edited outdated info after reading Yosano's backstory)