#For a 14 year old this is the kind of stuff you need

[pallas-perspective]

Here's a couple of tips when dealing with genuine fur!

Lots of people say that water will "ruin" them, they're mostly exaggerating. If you get caught in rain or snow just make sure to shake it off and then hang it out to dry.

Avoid using a blow-dryer, heat can crack the leather or hide and stiffen it. Letting it dry naturally is fine.

You don't need to use a special comb or brush or anything to fluff it out, you can just brush it with your hand if it looks a bit flat.

If you spill anything on it, avoid using most stain removers, they can mess with the fur. Cleaning it with a wet cloth is the best move.

Avoid perfumes or hair spray when wearing it, they can stain and the oils get into the fur.

Finally, make sure to hang up the coat when you can!

Sorry to hear about your loss. Remember to look up how to care for Absol fur— Pokémon fur coats can be really hard to clean out

Yeah. My parents are going to help me out when they're not dealing with everything.

[leebrontide]

All this talk of reading categories in terms of like censorship and what's allowable has me remembering a convention where I was selling books. A woman in her 20s came up and expressed interest in my YA books, for her little brother. I asked about the age of the little brother, and I think he was like 14, but a very advanced reader. She wondered if they would be appropriate.

I explained the content in them (some 14 year olds would certainly be fine and comfortable with the themes and violence in them, others wouldn't) and that an advanced 14 year old read would probably be be able to read them without much issue.

But also, he would probably find them boring.

They are very specifically and thoroughly about the experience of being in your late teens. And not in the way of "ok let me think about all the stuff that will change when I'm 16 and can drive, that's scary and exciting" kind of way. In a "this is the existential and practical shit that comes with being on the cusp of 18 and being a proto-adult that is only taken seriously as an adult in certain contexts".

It's not the exciting things about being an older teen- it's the minutia that won't have emotional ressonance if you've never experienced it. I wouldn't say no 14 year old could like it- apparently some have!

But sometimes books are written FOR a certain age group. Just like how there are books about 40 year olds with nothing in them a 15 year old couldn't read, but most 15 year olds are just not gonna find what they want in that book.

So there you go. I write late young adult not because my books are sanitized, simple, scandalous or difficult, but because that is who I'm writing for. That's the experience I'm speaking to.

We don't need to accept censorship-focused labels. We can focus more on craft, emotion, and communication than that.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello! Would it be okay to request Dad!Sebastian and Young!Reader?

Reader is a juvenile expendable who’s doing their best to survive (and one day leave) the Hadal Blacksite. Sebastian doesn’t outright say it, but through the little things he does for you, it shows that he cares and is actually really worried about your well-being—he’s quick to brush it off or deny it when you confront him.

He’s quick to swoop you up in whatever room you’re in when you start to get sleepy, he gives you little freebies behind other Expendables’ backs and phrases it as “it’s broken anyway, I’m just throwing away scraps” but it’s in REALLY good condition, wordlessly hands you wall dweller chunk when you enter his shop, stuff like that.

He’s also really pissed off that Urbanshade would allow someone this young to risk their life, even if Reader is like, a year away from legal age.

Just protective Dad!Sebastian who denies it at first but slowly admits to caring for you

The first time Sebastian meets you is when you met your first death to the Angler--as most expendables did.

And the first thing he immediately realizes is how young you are.

From across the table, he could see you in the baggy prisoner uniform, the PDG looking awfully heavy on your back.

Before he even explains how your deaths reveal more information on the entity that killed you, how you'll eventually meet him further in the blacksite, etc....he asks how old you are.

When you nervously tell him you're 14-15 years old, he doesn't know what to say.

A teenager, a literal child...was incarcerated and subjected to Urbanshade's cruelty.

You ended up being with the wrong crowd and got in trouble with the law over a misdemeanor, and yet...you're being punished on the same level as the many older and sicker criminal scumbags.

If anyone deserved to be suffering down here, it should be them. Not you.

"Kid, do you even know what you signed up for?"

"...yes. If I find this crystal, I'll get my freedom. That's what they told me. I-I didn't know about the monsters, though."

"Yeah, they don't mention that in the description 'cause it deters people from signing up. But I can help you with that part."

And thus begins the introverted fishman unofficially adopting you as his kid.

In many ways, you remind Sebastian of his siblings, so he gets to sorta relive that through taking care of you and ensuring you don't die as frequently as the other expendables.

He never says it, but he lowkey spoils you.

He'll pawn off "faulty" equipment to you, claiming he's getting rid of "useless scrap", but they all turn out to be in perfect condition.

You could get fully charged light sources with battery packs attached in one run, discounts on medkits in the next, and even the "upgraded" gummylight (the one used in the Raveyard expedition) that stays lit for longer.

If you get tired of running from the anglers or need to close your eyes after meeting Eyefestation, he'll let you rest in his shop for some time.

Ever complained of hunger even a little? Next time you walk into his shop, he conveniently has some wall dweller chunks available.

You wonder why he's so nice to you compared to all the other monsters...but he acts like he doesn't know what you're talking about, always having some excuse.

"Look, that wall dweller flesh would've gone bad in the next few hours. Can't let the only food you guys are willing to eat go to waste."

"What? No, I totally didn't go out of my way to get the better gummylight for you. One of the idiot leaders of the rave expedition left theirs unattended."

In the end, you learn to just accept his kind gestures and nothing more, relieved that he's looking out for your well-being.

It's also his way of coping with the injustice of Urbanshade putting you through all of these horrors on your own.

If he could do something to alleviate your stress and anxiety...why not?

[mischiefmaker615]

Please Please Please

Inspiration: Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter

Summary: You break the news to the team that you're dating a certain.. god of mischief..

Rating: PG 14

Requested By: @Hav3nLauf3ys0n (wattpad)

“Absolutely not!’’

‘’I don’t remember asking for your blessing.’’ You quip dryly as you and Steve cross your arms simultaneously.

‘’you know what he’s done-‘’ he starts, having leaned himself now on the kitchen counter as if preparing for a long lecture on why but you waved a hand at him.

‘’and he’s gotten better, you cant tell me you haven’t noticed the improvement upon staying here at the tower- be glad they’re just harmless pranks and not plots to try to-‘’

‘’why do you want to date Reindeer Games anyway?” Tony asked, coming into the room with his usual ‘never empty’ glass of booze in his hand. ‘’despite the whole killing and taking over the planet thing, what would necessarily be listed on his Tinder profile?”

“Tinder?” Steve raised a brow and Tony backtracks with a shake of his head.

‘’an app where you could find your local singles- actually that might be a great place for y-‘’

‘’guys! We’re getting off track here’’ you chime in, a hand at your temple as the boys looked over with silence for once. With a heavy sigh, you look at them with as much confidence as you could muster, regardless of the shakiness in your voice as Steve’s expression softened.

‘’he and I have already started dating.. kinda.. but I wanna try to make this work, he wants to see how it goes.. there’s something there and we’re happy when we’re together.. regardless of his first impression here, forgiveness and second chances should be in the picture until said other wise.’’

‘’kind of hard to give a second chance to literally the god of backstabbing.’’ Tony muttered while you shot him a look.

‘’he’s been here for almost a year now since New York, he’s helped us in the field when we’ve brought him along and has been a huge help. He would have compromised the missions somehow if he were still in his old ways but you have to admit, some of those assignments wouldn’t have gotten done without his abilities..’’ you note, your eyes moving to Steve who now stared at the ground in thought while he listened. Their silence was enough to have you keep going as you took another breath.

‘’this is happening, and I know to be careful.. he’s different, and he cares for me.. i figured I’d just make my rounds to let everyone know-‘’

‘’is it basically a heads up that we’ll be seeing a lot of touchy- feely stuff??” Tony gawked quickly and you shook your head with reddened cheeks.

‘’like you don’t do that stuff around here Stark.’’ Steve rolled his eyes, reminding him of how many girls come and go when no one’s watching.

‘’n-no- I just- I’m tired of all your attempts to set me up at your parties, I’m done with the dating game.. Loki and I just have something here that I’ve never felt with anyone else..’’ you explained and heard a sigh from Rogers who didn’t exactly look like he approved but he knew you were going to be stubborn on this so he raised his hands in a surrender position.

‘’just be careful.. that’s all we ask.. Nat and Clint have been assigned today but I think Thors still around somewhere- do not hesitate if he even tries to-‘’

‘’ill be fine Steve, thank you..’’ you say gently, giving a small smile before you exit the kitchen in search of Thor.

Not your best speech, it honestly felt like you were talking to your parents who didn’t approve.. but you were an adult, you’ve dated before and knew all the red flags you needed to dodge. Sure the whole ‘taking over the planet’ was a bit of a red flag.. a big one.. but as he’s stayed here fulfilling his ‘community service’, the two of you have had quite the opportunity to bond over that time.

Its been almost a year and the two of you seem to have had a connection where you craved the attention of the other when you were separated. You both would gossip, flirt and have lengthy talks about your interests and differences. Coming from completely different realms gave you both much to talk about and you even got to teach him a bit of basic things on how to adapt to the tower. The television was your favorite to teach because you stopped him faster at trying to throw it than your laptop. Apparently, many ‘magical moving pictures’ presented the illusion of possession to Loki. Thor wasn’t that much different when he was adapting too.

~

‘’what ails you Y/N?” Thor asked, having ran into you in the halls not long after you went in search of him.

you almost choked on your heart for a moment when you noticed his wet hair and towel in hand first, feeling stupid the next second after when he was indeed dressed and that your mind had thought otherwise for a moment. He’s hot- but he wasn’t for you.

Where the hell was coffee when you needed it..

‘’nothing in particular, just-‘’ you didn’t exactly know how to word it to him compared to literally anyone else. ‘I’m dating your brother’ sounded a little more awkward than telling anyone else that wasn’t family related- and this time you did mentally choke when you realized you had thought out loud.

‘’oh Lady Y/N that is wonderful!! I am so happy for you both! I’ve truly noticed how much happier my brother has been since earning your affections!” Thor beamed as he wrapped you in almost a bone breaking hug, squeezing all the stress out of you as you relaxed and wiped the previous embarrassment from your face when he set you down.

‘’t-thank you.. I just figured I was going to let everyone know by making my rounds-‘’

‘’is it because we will be seeing particular affections around here-‘’

‘’what?? No! why does everyone keep thinking that..’’ you blush and hide your face in your hands as he laughs. Its not that you both weren’t doing anything.. but you weren’t going to make it a goal to exactly show anyone your personal business-

‘’my brother can be very.. sexual hungry, as Stark seems to say.’’ Thor explains casually and you hold back from scrunching your nose as you look up at him. ‘’he always has and I’m sure when you both begin to get even closer, we might see you a bit less and less’’ he hints and your cheeks redden again.

Was he referring that you both would practically never leave the bedroom?- why was he so causal talking about this.. wanting to quickly change the subject from your sexual future and to your more concerning thought, you shifted in place as you looked up at him with hesitation.

‘’.. the team seems to disapprove..’’

Thor nodded, his features sympathetic as he sighs. ‘’I understand their reasonings Y/N,’’

‘’but he’s gotten better-‘’ you add quickly before you mouth goes off. ‘’sure he throws some pranks here any there- changing all the water to vodka, cutting holes in Steve���s costumes- dropping the temperature in the middle of the night- but I swear there’s no world domination in sight anymore. We’ve bonded a lot during this time since he’s been here, he gets me and I get him and I think we have something greater than friendship where he even through around the word courting- whatever that means but I think I love-‘’

Your rambling got cut off as Thor places his hands upon your shoulders, shutting you up as he gives you a gentle smile. ‘’my brother is a much better man because of you and I know you both will be happy Y/N. if there is any need for concern, we are here but I have no worries for you two. You have my blessing.’’ He beams and your body relaxs, giving him the same smile as you begin to turn.

‘’thank you Thor,.. I think i know just who to find next’’ you smile and give a gentle wave as your mind tells you Loki’s probably in his room.

‘’all the best wishes Lady Y/N’’ Thor chuckles and heads off just as you do and enter the elevator.

As soon as you press the button for the room floors and the door begin to slide closed, a hand shoots out and grips one of them with barely an inch of them closing. With barley any effort, the hand pulls the doors apart and there stands the god himself you were trying to find.

Loki.

‘’hello darling, I do believe we have a bit to discuss.’’ He says casual, not so much asking as he smirks yet his eyes drink you in seriously as he takes a step in, making you step back before the doors close behind him.

Although he’s been here quite some time, he always appeared in his armor and leather when he needed to speak about something serious. Granted, although he tried using it as an intimidation prop, you always seemed to get distracted as your eyes began to wonder.

‘’darling-‘’

‘’sir?” you said quickly with a start, holding back a small laugh as you wondering out of all the terms you had on file in your head, you had called him that one. Loki didn’t seem to mind as he raised a brow slightly and took a step closer, a hand gently taking hold of your jaw as he tilted it up and kept you looking at him.

His leaned down ever so slightly, his nose ghosting against yours as your fingers fidgeted nervously now while he spoke. ‘’please tell me as to why I have spotted you with every breathing male under this roof except me? Specifically, the one that’s hard to over look is my idiotic brother who then proceeds to have you in his arms.’’

His voice was dangerous, careful but yet not angry that you could tell because you knew he was waiting for you to give a perfectly good explanation. Shifting in place, you softened your features and let your excitement show with a smile while your hand came up to rest on his wrist.

‘’I was merely telling everyone the news that we were officially together and that-‘’

‘’is it a fair warning on what they might witness us doing?’’

‘’Jesus- even- whatever, anyway what I mean is, it’s a fair heads up that Tony can stop with his shipping whenever he throws a party, Steve can stop worrying about you being around because with us being together, if I trust you, he trusts me and thus, trusts you won’t do anything. Also so that Nat can stop her insistent teasing and innuendos-‘’

Loki cut you off as he presses his lips against yours, firmly and with love at the enjoyment to see how giddy you can get. The hand at your jaw lightens tremendously and moved to run his fingers into your hair at the side of your head, making you tilt your face to the side before he deepens the kiss. His other arm snakes around your waist, pulling you closer against his body before he nips at your bottom lip before pulling away.

He chuckles at your small pout at him stopping, his thumb stroking your cheek as his body relaxes from his unnecessary tension he came in with. ‘’I am pleased that you wish to ease everyone into our relationship, but they’ll see me how they wish, regardless if I am with you or not. Frankly I couldn’t care less, because my only focus is with you. I will treat you nothing less than of a goddess because I know that despite my introduction to this realm, I do not have an ounce in my body or the capability of bringing harm upon you.’’

Your hands grip his shoulders, eyes full of admiration towards the man god before you as your heart flutters in your chest. He shared your smile as you pull him down and press your lips to his again, running a hand through his hair as well that makes him practically growl against your lips, turning his head more into your massaging fingers before you feel him back you up.

Feeling the wall of the elevator against your back now, Loki presses his body against your front while his hands run up and down your sides before a hand joins your side to grip the hand bar, trapping you in the corner. His other hand snakes behind you to grip your ass, the mere feeling of it enough to have his lips press harder onto yours while you hold him close by the straps against his front.

*ding*

By the feeling of the elevator stopping, he slowly pulls away with the dangerous yet familiar mischievous glint in his eyes while he presses his forehead against yours. ‘’..are you in the mood for some mischief darling?’’ he purrs.

Part of you wasn’t sure if it was a sexual innuendo or he wanted you to join in of his little pranks he tried to keep up daily around here. Yet seeing the excitement on his features made you down for either one.. one more so than the other as you laughed and gave a nod.

“I beg you, don’t embarrass me. I already went around trying to hype you up that you’ve changed with your whole mischief thing’’ you lightly tease as he takes hold of your hand while the elevator doors open.

‘’oh darling, I was referring to the other kinds of mischief..’’ he smirks and your eyes suddenly notice his erection.

Please.. please.. please.. 

DM/Comment a song for your own Musical Mischief One Shot :D 

Note: Fan fiction makes Elevator rides longer than they really are LOL

~i imagined Loki teasing Y/N with the "stuff" they do and it led to this video LOL

Tag List: @foxherder  @asgards-princess-of-mischief @fire-in-her-veinz

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, i'm fourteen and i have this friend who asked me if i wanted to try eating her out. not a girlfriend, a friend. i don't have any feelings for her but i do think she's gorgeous and she's probably the best friend i have and the most mature 14 year old i know. i trust her a lot. im definitely not opposed to trying to give her head, either. i'm just worried it might be a bad idea, and i'm anxious that i won't do it right and she won't even feel good. i definitely don't want to have sex this early but does giving someone else head even count as real sex? she wouldn't really be touching me at all, except for she did say she'd want us to make out before i did it, though i'm not entirely sure why, but i am okay with it. i'm also worried about, like, STDs, because i've never been with another person like... sexually, i've kissed other people but i haven't in a while. but i think she might have done stuff with people? i don't know how recently. like... i don't know, do you think this is a really bad idea and we're too young or is this fine? how do you even eat someone out, like, what do you do? sorry if this is annoying i just really need an adult to ask about this and it's not like i can ask my parents since i'm not really supposed to do this.

hi anon,

thank you for asking! I'm really grateful to be an adult that you trust enough to talk with about stuff like this. it's not annoying, and I'll do the best I can to give a helpful answer based on everything you've told me.

I think maybe, in your case, this might not be a great idea right now. it sounds like there's a lot about this situation that makes you nervous in a way that's not fun - the kind of nerves that come from being excited to connect with a new person are one thing, but I'm hearing much more anxiety than excitement in the way you're talking about this.

oral sex (using your mouth) definitely counts as real sex - it's definitely not just putting a penis in a vagina! - and can be just as intimate and emotionally complicated as any other kind of sexual expression. you said you don't want to be having sex at your age - which is totally normal, and completely your choice to make! - and that includes oral sex as well, so maybe it's best if you sit this one out for the time being.

I want to be super clear that I'm not saying this out of any sense that no people your age should be sexual; I think wanted sexual exploration between young teens can be a great way to start exploring sexuality and finding what feels good! but that doesn't mean that every teenager has to be having sex, or that they're immature if they don't. people are ready to explore sex at lots of different ages (and some people never do at all), and none of them are weird or wrong. you could feel totally different in ten years, one year, a month, or even a week, but right now you don't feel ready, and what you feel right now is what's most important.

holding off until you've had time to learn more about sex may also help, because every situation is less scary when you feel more prepared. (it's why they make you spend so many godforsaken hours practicing driving before you can take the test to get your license.) in the spirit of learning, I want to share some resources about some of the things you had questions/concerns about.

this page on Planned Parenthood's website talks about lots of different kinds of sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also frequently called sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs), including how they're spread and how to treat them. I don't want to make STIs sound scary - I recently wrote a whole post about how they really shouldn't be! - but because it is important to know what risks there are if you plan to be sexually active so that you can do your best to minimize those risks, and what to do if someone does catch an STI. an important thing to remember is that, at your age, it might be difficult for you or your friend to get tested for STIs without help from your parents, which may be awkward and unpleasant or totally impossible if you're unable to tell them why you need a test in the first place. that's an important factor in deciding whether or not to have sex!

additionally, here's some info about dental dams, which are basically condoms for oral sex - they're a flat piece of latex, like a condom that got rolled out, that goes between the mouth and the hole.

and to help with your question about how going down even works, I recommend this video by sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. you won't be seeing any real genitals in this video, although there is a drawing and some nude Barbies, and you'll probably want to listen with headphones unless you're alone. there are also links to more of Dr. Doe's videos on the topic.

and lastly, for more thinking about this topic, I want to direct you to Scarleteen's answer to help figure out when you're ready to start having sex, which is very good on its own and has links to some other good reading on the topic. Scarleteen is a great resource specifically designed and run to help answer teenagers' questions about sex without judgment, and I recommend them very heavily.

I hope that this has been useful, and helps you feel empowered to make whatever decision is best for you.

[maxdibert]

okay, yes, snape suffered a lot but he also made his students suffer a lot. do you know what it must have been like for all those kids to be constantly humiliated??? if you like comparing with real life so much, what would you think of a real adult who abuses their power to feel better at the expense of children??? snape fans always come up with all kinds of excuses, but when it comes to the topic of his abuse towards his students, you always stay silent, and that's because it has no forgiveness.

Severus’s role as a dysfunctional adult is honestly pretty amusing to me, especially because while I never experienced bullying from peers or equals, I grew up in an environment full of wildly dysfunctional adults. On top of that, I now work on legal cases involving even more dysfunctional adults. And, to make it even better, while my classmates never gave me grief, attending a private Catholic school in the 2000s meant teacher-on-student violence was pretty much a daily occurrence. Not just at school—I've also had some truly awful professors at university. So, I get firsthand what it’s like to have authority figures who are supposed to guide and protect you but act like an absolute pack of jerks.

Here’s an unpopular opinion: if I compare my personal experiences with dysfunctional adults and terrible teachers, Severus is practically a lamb. I’ve witnessed some insane things. There was a case at my school where a teacher bullied three siblings (in different grades) so badly that their dad came to the school and physically beat the teacher up. And honestly? The guy deserved it. I’ve seen old-school priests handing out slaps. I’ve had a teacher in his late 30s openly flirting with 17-year-old students. I’ve had teachers who didn’t just throw out a sarcastic remark—they flat-out called us “idiots,” “morons,” "dickheads", "assholes", “worthless,” or said things like, “You’re all going to end up mopping floors because you’re useless pieces of crap.” Fun times with Mr. Antonio.

There was one teacher who made students stand up one by one so he could critique their outfits in front of the entire class, piece by piece, like he thought he was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Another handed out nicknames that were humiliating and outright cruel. Or that elementary teacher who also taught catechism and would call up children who were not going to take their First Communion (this happens at 8 or 9 years old) to the front of the class and publicly ask them why they didn’t want to embrace Jesus Christ. She would even ask if they thought their parents didn’t love them because they weren’t letting them do the same as their friends. Or the second-grade teacher who called a boy up to the board because he didn’t know a multiplication table very well and started singing a mocking song in Spanish that goes, “Fulanito tururú, que no sabe ni la u” (basically calling someone slow-witted).

Then there was the fourth-grade teacher (9-10yo) who had a particular grudge against one of my classmates and kept threatening to lock him in places or scaring him by saying he was going to throw him out the window. The English teacher, who, when we were 14 years old, locked us in a classroom, made us skip lunch, and kept us there without eating until 5 PM. The technology teacher, a 50-year-old man with a very hands-on approach towards the girls in first and second year of secondary school (12-13 yo). And I could go on and on.

So yeah, I’ve seen some wild stuff in classrooms, and trust me, you don’t need to explain the trauma bad teachers can cause—I’ve had my share of them. And none of it is going to make me like Severus any less. If anything, the stuff he does in the books feels like 1% of the madness I’ve seen play out in real life.

[meazalykov]

the younger morgan

alex morgan x morgan!USWNT!reader

part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six

Growing up in the Morgan household, I was always known as my own individual person. Y/n Morgan. I am described by my peers as someone who’s kind, sensitive, and humble. However, to some of the public and people who barely know of me, I am known as  "Alex Morgan's little sister." 

It wasn't a title I despised while growing up. Being born 14 years after her, I was adopted by the Morgans at birth. My sister and parents have been my family for my entire life, even if we aren’t blood. They’ve surrounded me in a blanket of love while supporting my athletic, famous sister at the same time.

Alex won her first World Cup in 2015 when I was eleven. I remember sitting in the stadium, the air electric with cheers and chants, watching her lift that trophy high. Having my sister as my idol while growing up was a blessing that most girls would dream of.

The pride I felt was immense, but it was always mixed with a yearning.

I played as a striker while growing up, just like Alex. My feet scored goals in every match i’ve had minutes in. By the time I was old enough to transition into taking soccer seriously, it was clear I had inherited the Morgan soccer genes, even if I wasn’t blood-related. 

With the best coaches in the country guiding me, I quickly became one of the best U21 strikers in the world, just like Alex. Success in high school championships, the USYNT national team (before my senior team call up in November 2022), and in my first year of college landed me a spot on the San Diego Wave alongside my sister. I forfeited my college eligibility so I can jump into taking soccer seriously, which I did.

Yet, I hide the fact that the inevitable comparisons to Alex bothered me. Anytime I made a mistake, I had people on social media saying that “Alex at your age would’ve never made that mistake!” and more that were way harsher and mean. I felt a hollowness inside me because I had to accept that San Diego wasn’t the club for me. Something I didn’t realize until half-way into the season.

This wasn't about the love or support I received from my family or the fans. It was about forging my path, I wanted to be my own person away from Alex. I love her so much, but I wanted people to see me for who I really am. I needed a moment which would give me the reassurance that my career was truly mine.

One afternoon, after a particularly grueling training session, I collapsed onto my soft beige colored couch for a nap. I knew I had plans with Jaedyn, Naomi, and Maria later— but I knew I could fit in a good three hour nap before I had to get ready for the night. However the ring of my phone jolted me awake after an hour into my nap. My eyebrows knitted at the sight of my agent's name, Maggie, flashing on the screen.

Usually, Maggie never calls unless we are discussing deals or contract negotiations. However, I asked her two weeks ago if she could contact SD Wave about putting me on the transfer market. Maggie said that wasn’t needed since there was something else that would excite me– but she didn’t explain what. 

"Y/n, I have some exciting news!!!" Maggie began without giving me the chance to say hi, her voice brimming with enthusiasm as I clicked on the speaker option. I rubbed my tired eyes trying to pay attention to what she’s gonna say.

“What happened?” I ask, sitting up from my laid down position and sitting criss-crossed on my couch.

"You know how you asked about a possible transfer? Well I already had a few offers coming in for you before you asked—'' Maggie started as I heard a few clicks on her side of the call, I’m assuming she's clicking stuff on her computer while on the phone with me. 

“So– *click*--- *click* — okay! There are a lot of NWSL clubs that have put in an offer for you. Houston, Gotham, Orlando, Kansas, and Washington have sent in their offers— but I understand that you wanted to go to Europe, is that correct?” Maggie says as I bite the skin around my nail beds. Growing up, I’ve always admired European clubs and the different cultures  Europe has. Playing in Europe would expose me to a better challenge that I’ve wanted in my career. A good chance to (hopefully) play in the Champion’s League too, another thing my sister won in 2017.

“Yes, that is correct.” I say, trying to sound as normal as possible. I am nervous, knowing that this call could change my life. 

“Okay- well that's amazing because several European clubs are interested in you. You have many clubs to choose from— Chelsea, Manchester City, Arsenal, Tottenham, Real Madrid, Madrid CFF, PSG, Wolfsburg— those clubs in particular all offered you a contract. Barcelona showed interest too but you’re not a free agent and due to their financial struggles, they cannot sign you unless you were free. However—- Bayern Munich in Germany offered you a very great deal– a four year contract with add ons—the salary they’re offering along with the add-ons is way better than all of the others. I feel like you would love this club." Maggie commented. Outside of work, Maggie and I had a somewhat good relationship for people who try to remain professional. Maggie had a good intuition and can read people, which means that she knows how I work and how my personality is in detail. 

Hearing about the clubs– my heart pounded in my chest at Bayern Munich. The name alone sent a feeling inside of my body that I couldn’t explain. I placed my hands on my forehead as I felt overwhelmed from the amount of clubs I could choose from. However, my curiosity and intuition wanted to look more into the Bayern Munich offer. 

“Maggie— I can’t lie—Bayern Munich is sticking to me right now.” I say, dragging out my last words as my voice breaks into a yawn. Training was intense today. 

“Okay! Okay! Here’s what we can do— I can come over now and drop off the documents to you— you can look over them and we can have an in-person meeting on your day off from training next Thursday at lunch, deal?” Maggie said. I can sense her smile through the phone call as I felt relieved from having to make such a quick decision. It's Friday so I have six days to make a final decision. 

"Deal," I said, barely able to handle the fact that my nervousness turned into small excitement. I couldn’t tell anybody about this but that was okay with me.

Thursday came and I chose to move to Munich in June. I can spend the season, before the olympics, with San Diego then i’ll move to play for Bayern on the four-year contract afterwards. I couldn’t tell anybody the news until I got the green-light to do so from Maggie. 

Keeping this news from Alex and my friends was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Alex was not just my sister but also my mentor and my rock. But I knew I had to wait until everything was finalized before telling her. She should understand that part. Meanwhile, rumors swirled online, speculating about my potential move to Europe in the month afterwards.

One evening as I played with Charlie, in Alex's living room, I could feel the weight of my secret growing heavier. I look at my niece with a light smile as she colored in a fairytale themed coloring book I got her last christmas. I am going to miss seeing her every-week when I move to Germany.

Eventually, Alex finished what she had to do in her kitchen and picked up Charlie. The little girl complained before her mother explained that it was late and it was time for bed. Its 8:30 which wasn’t late in my eyes but Charlie is a child so— 

After Alex put Charlie to bed, and after I cleaned up after Charlies crayon mess, she joined me in the living room and sat beside me on the couch, her expression serious.

"Y/n— we have to talk.” Alex said. My nerves were on fire hearing Alex say that. I knew she was going to mention Bayern— I can’t hide it anymore. The rumors on social media are increasing and everyone knows my move to Munich is inevitable, even if I haven’t addressed it yet. 

“I know.” I respond, my right leg is crossed over my left one as I cross my arms together.

“Are the rumors online true? You know I don’t like to search the media for answers, but the rumors are increasing and everyone is positive that they’re correct on their suspicions— Are you leaving here to play for Bayern?" Alex asked, her eyes searching mine for answers.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. I couldn’t lie to her "Yes, Alex, they're true. I'm going to play Bayern Munich in June."

After saying this, I thought Alex would be happy for me right away. 

However, her concern was palpable. "But why, Y/n? Why are you moving so far away? We have everything here."

"That's why, Alex," I replied, struggling to keep my voice steady. "I need to do this for myself. I want a new challenge and seeking something new has been my goal for since the off-season. I need to know if I can make it—-- without always being compared to you." I struggled to say the last part.

The argument that followed was heated but subdued, mindful of Charlie sleeping nearby. Alex didn't understand my need to step away, to find my own path. 

“Everyone knows you’re a great player, you have a higher record than me this season!! You don’t need to leave the country.” Alex argued. 

“Well you played for Lyon and Spurs at one point, which is outside of America—- the NWSL isn’t the only league in the world and I need to grow. If your concern is about safety, I promise i’ll be able to take care of myself. I need this Alex— You know I am a responsible person!” I stood up from the couch. Alex followed and looked at me with concern.

“You are– I’m not saying you’re not responsible– but you’re going to leave everything behind!” 

“No I am not? I will always come back during International breaks!” I argue. 

“Okay– but you shouldn’t “need” to move to Germany. You’re going to leave your friends behind too Y/n!” Alex continued to argue. My blood boiled at her words. 

"You know, Why can’t you just be supportive!!?? I can’t do this anymore–” I say as I ran to put on my shoes by the door, grabbing my tote bag with all of my items inside. 

“I'm glad I'm moving away Alex. Maybe they'll respect me as a good player and my own person– and not just Alex Morgan's sister!" I stormed out of her apartment, the rift between us widening.

We didn't speak after that night. Even at training with the San Diego Wave, we maintained a professional distance, our conversations limited to the bare necessities or anything related to Charlie. The silence was deafening, but I was resolute. This was my decision to play for Bayern, she needs to respect it.

When the SheBelieves Cup came around, Alex and I both made the roster, as usual. This was my last international break as a San Diego player. Since i’ll be living in Germany by the time the Korea friendlies happen in June. 

On the national team, I found solace in my closest friends Jaedyn, Sophia, Trinity, and Mallory. Jaedyn plays at San Diego with me so she has a better understanding about the situation. I told her that I am moving to Munich and we had a bittersweet moment, at least she was supportive of my decision. All of the other girls sensed something was wrong but respected my need for space, assuming that they shouldn’t come in-between family business. Especially if one of their captains is involved. 

On the pitch against Japan for the first she-believes game, my performance was excellent on the pitch. In my mind, I knew I wanted to do good so Bayern fans would be excited about my transfer to their club. 

After scoring twice against Japan, we were now in a penalty shootout with Canada. This is the second-time we’ve gon into penalties this year together. Once in the gold-cup a few months back. 

Emily Fox made the penalty against the Canadian goalkeeper, and the next Canadian kicker’s shot was blocked by Alyssa (Secretary of Defense). Everyone looked in my direction as the ball was passed into my hands. If I make this shot, I win the shebelieves cup for the United States.

My hearts pounded like a drum in my cheat as I looked ahead at Kailen, my San Diego teammate and friend who plays for Canada. She knows how I kick, and I know how she blocks shots coming her way. 

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside of me. I had practiced penalty shots countless times throughout my time in soccer, but this was different. This was the final. This was for the win.

The referee blew the whistle, signaling it was time for me to shoot. My body stepped forward, and my mind was clear. As I closed in on the ball, I locked eyes with Kailen, who was poised and ready, her eyes fierce with determination.

My foot struck the ball cleanly, sending it soaring through the air. Time seemed to slow as the ball arced towards the goal, the world holding its breath. Kailen dove to her right, stretching out in a desperate bid to stop the shot.

But it was too late. The ball sailed past her outstretched fingers and hit the back of the net with a satisfying thud. The crowd erupted in a roar of triumph, the sound crashing over me like a wave. I scored the winning goal!

Before getting a chance to process what had happened, my teammates rushed towards me. All of their faces showed joy and relief. They enveloped me in a jubilant embrace, lifting me off her feet as we celebrated the victory together. I looked around, taking in the ecstatic faces of my friends, the adoring fans, and the sparkling lights of the stadium. I looked to my right and saw my sister’s bright smile looking towards me, this made my heart warm up a little bit. 

After everyone broke away from me, before the trophy celebration and the part where I’ll be rewarded as SheBelieves MVP, Alex approached me. Her expression was softer than the last time i’ve talked to her at her apartment. Her eyes reflected a mix of hope, sadness and understanding.

"Y/n, can we talk?"

I nodded, and we found a quiet spot away from the rest of the team on the pitch.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I was selfish. I was thinking about how much Charlie and I would miss you, not about what you need."

Her words broke the dam of emotions I'd been holding back. "I know. But Alex— I just want to be seen for who I am, Alex. Not just as your little sister."

She pulled me into a hug, and for the first time in weeks, I felt a sense of peace. "You will be, Y/n. You'll be amazing, and I am so proud of you and that gorgeous penalty kick." Alex squeezed me and I laughed at her gesture. 

“Thank you, Thank you! I have the best sister who showed me what good penalty kicks are.” I smile. 

As the middle of June approached, after the Korea friendlies, I prepared for my move to Germany with a mix of excitement and nerves. Alex and I grew closer again, our bond strengthened by the fact that this new routine will give us a chance to miss eachother. 

The day I boarded the plane to Munich, with three suitcases and one carry on bag with everything I need for my apartment I found while spending a week in Munich last month—  Alex was there, cheering me on. 

“I’ll miss you sweetheart.” Alex hugged me. I hugged her back before hugging my smaller niece who stood beside us. "I will miss you both the most." I respond.

Later as the plane took off, I looked out the window, my heart full of hope. This was my chance to prove myself to the world and to the fans that I am more than just my sister. 

-----

part two here

<3

[jedi-enthusiast]

Hello. How are you?

Can you raise an explanation as to why The Jedi Padawans were sent to fight on the front lines alongside The Clones and Jedi Knights/Masters, please?

Of course, the Padawans need Masters but I'd assume there would probably be enough inside The Temple to teach them, despite the war...

I know The Jedi wouldn't want to send their children onto the front lines, so I'm trying to think of how they'd ended up there anyway.....

Thanks in advance (if you do have an explanation. If not, thanks anyway).

Good night/morning!

Hey, I'm doing alright---I'm sick rn, but I'm hoping that it'll pass soon so I can get back to my normal shenanigans <3

So the out-of-universe explanation is just that TCW was a show made for kids and so there are gonna be kid characters doing all the cool fighting and battle stuff. Is it pretty unrealistic? Yeah, but this is also a show set in space with magic powers and laser swords lol

In-universe things get a little more complicated and we kind of have to make our own assumptions based on what we already know.

In TPM we see that children...aren't really treated like children, from a young age they're actually treated more like teenagers or even adults. Padme is the queen of an entire planet at 14, a job so dangerous that she has 12 body-doubles who pretend to be her so she doesn't get killed, ready to die in her place---body-doubles who are probably of a similar/the same age. Anakin is allowed to compete in a pod-race on Tatooine at age 9, a race that is shown multiple times to be dangerous and get people killed, and it's treated as completely normal by both his mother and his opponents.

So we can probably deduce that, while the children are obviously still children, they're expected---and shown---to be more capable and independent than they would irl. They hold a level of maturity and responsibility at a younger age, and this is completely normal in the SW universe.

So the explanation is that padawans' ages don't really come into question.

We see from how Anakin and Obi-Wan react to Ahsoka, who is 13 in TCW movie, when she introduces herself as a padawan---they're shocked and view her as too young to be one, with Anakin continuously calling her a "youngling." From that, we can deduce that generally padawans are older than 13 and---in a universe where a 14 year old is seen as mature enough to rule a planet and other 13-15 year olds are mature enough to possibly die for said ruler---taking a padawan who is, say, 15+ into battle isn't really odd or seen as morally questionable.

As George Lucas says regarding Ahsoka being brought into the war, "she's being trained as a Jedi Knight, she's got this."

And so do all of the other padawans, maybe more so since a lot of them are probably older than her. They're Jedi, they're not younglings anymore, they can handle the responsibility and---if they can't---they're still just students and their master is right there to protect and teach them.

That seems to be the canon intention, at least. If you want to take a more nuanced look at it through the lense of them actually being children, rather than the canon intent of them being more mature children who can handle these things, you're probably going to have to come up with your own reasons why the Jedi would bring the padawans into it. In my fics, I usually go with the idea that the Jedi didn't have much of a choice, just due to what their training is/does as well as different concerns with leaving them at the Temple, as well as pressure from the Senate to have "every Jedi available" on the front lines---but you can obviously do something different, if that doesn't sing to your tune.

I hope my ramble answered your question <3

[nunca205s-art-gallery]

THE THREE TIMELINES

2. DIVERSION TIMELINE (Reverse Portal AU)

Stan saves Ford but it ends up being him the one to get pulled into it (with the 1st journal).

[Rubs her hands] Now here's the good stuff. (You can tell this is my favourite timeline.) This timeline is basically my AU mashed up with the reverse portal AU.

–-–-–-–-–-–

After Stan gets pulled into the portal (mind you, he still has the burn), he manages to escape Bill (he just knew/sensed he was evil) and his minions. He hides in the asteroid shield, and then in an asteroid's crater, just like Ford. Then encounters the refugees, the people help him (by giving him the translator, and a recap of where is he, who is Bill, what is the multiverse and such, they also give him some equipment for survival and explain to him the basics of how to travel between dimensions. They also take care of his burn, but it will take time to fully heal). He escapes the Nightmare Realm and his travels begin.

Little facts and important plot points, cuz there's no way I'm redacting 30 years of dimension travelling:

His sole purpose is going back home, even though he has no idea of how to do it.

His hopes to return shatter when he encounters another Stan that got through the portal and tells him that their kind rarely ever makes it back (this would happen like, at year 2).

He almost takes his life that night, but he remembers what the Stan he encountered told him and decides to embrace this life, to live for himself and not to prove anything to anyone. (Even if he may not really think he's worthy of that, that his value relies on others' opinions of him.)

So he just wanders, looking for places to stay, but never for too long (2 years max). He's used to that lifestyle after all.

He comes across a few Stanford's too, some have better responses to him than others. He travelled with one for a while, but he died saving Stan from some bounty hunters (he has never felt more guilt over anything ever). He lost an eye here (year 6).

He's a criminal, but not a renowned one. He's a bit like a Robin Hood, but always looks out for himself first. He likes the idea of being a hero, or maybe something more like an antihero, so he helps people with small stuff wherever he goes.

He did contraband between dimensions for a while. (Deep down he hoped to come across his.)

He tried to rob the device they used to hop between dimensions, but let's just say he was lucky to leave alive from that situation.

He spent a lot of time in Lottocron Nine.

He feels glad that it was him that fell through the portal instead of Ford.

Sometimes he thinks about giving up, but he never does for too long.

He meets the Oracle at some point, they chill and become friends. (Bonding over future sight, she explains to him how is it that he got it.) (Year 14)

After 18 years he has a vision, a guy with what he says is a "portal gun". He gets super exited and thinks that he'll finally find a way to get back.

After a few weeks he encounters Rick Sanchez, he immediately knows that the guy is not someone you want as an enemy. They make a deal, Stan does (an extremely risky) infiltration mission to steal some info for Rick and he builds him a portal gun (and tells him how to make portal fluid).

Stan does it, and spends six months in a high security prison. He gets the info, starts a rebellion as a distraction for his prison break, gets out. (Rick helped him on that last part.)

He gets the gun from Rick and starts hopping between dimensions.

For the first time in forever he has hope.

Years pass, at some point he gets sick of it and just goes back to his old lifestyle for a bit. Then he steals some technology to identify dimensions and it helps him narrow down the number of places he has to go.

He has a list where he crosses the ones that are not the one.

More time passes (year 24), he encounters Rick again and he needs a favour. This time he has to get something some other criminals stole from him, some kind of alien biker gang.

They do it together this time and on the fray Stan loses his right arm. As a "sorry" Rick builds him a robot one (with a lot of secret little compartments, tools, and six fingers at Stan's request).

Time flies and suddenly 30 years have passed. And surprise, after all this time, he comes back home.

(He ages a bit slower btw, that might be because of the blessing or because the massive amount of portal hopping / multiverse travelling he did.)

What was Ford doing?

Getting depressed, that's what he was doing.

Running only by adrenaline, paranoia and an overwhelming sense of guilt (oh my god, he just killed his brother) he somehow pulled it off. Bro got an eureka moment and managed to get some unicorn hair to protect the house. Then,  after he managed to get some sleep he followed his original plan (it didn't go exactly as expected, aka, he didn't find anything at all except from the zodiac).

Not knowing what else to do a devastating feeling of hoplenessness came over him, leaving him on an almost catatonic state of depression. And since Bill couldn't do anything to him because of the spell he was just laying there.

And then, like the saving grace of god, Fiddleford came to the rescue. Or something like that...

He was going to make Ford stop by force, but when he got to the house and saw the state in which everything was in he was like "uh oh..."

He found Ford, and even though he was still mad at him he helped him. Ford told him everything that happened, continuously apologising to Fiddleford for not listening to him. Fiddleford was like "About damn time!!" and "I told you so!!".

So, Fidds helps Ford recompose himself, clean the place and find a way to get out of the shack without fearing Bill. (They find a sketchy doctor, BOOM, metal plate.)

They decide to stay low and not bring attention to the town.

They blow up the Bill cave, and get the 2nd journal away from the damn primary school (burn the Bill invocation spell).

(Ford forgot where the third one was.)

They start their own version of the mystery shack, but with accurate representations of the real stuff. AND a repair shop (that's where most of the money comes from).

They also work as protectors of some sort, a bridge between the normal world and the fantastical one. They look for signs of Bill's presence, more for security than anything. They also put barriers in other parts of town (the ones of unicorn hair).

They dismantle the Society of the Blind Eye (Fiddleford admitted that he started it, and that it was probably a bad idea). They discussed about breaking the memory gun, but they decided it could be useful in the future, so Ford hid it somewhere (he just put it under the floor on his room).

They seal the portal room, leaving it as it was. Fidds wanted to dismantle it, but Ford never let him (because of Stan this time, not the portal itself).

They heal, yippie!! Or something like that, Ford has to live with the crushing guilt of "killing" his brother; Fiddleford's wife divorced him and he lost custody of Tate. So they kind of only have eachother. (Fiddleford still has some memory problems, but nothing too serious.)

I hereby declare Fiddauthor canon in this timeline. (Even though I am more of a Fiddlestan gal.)

Bill decided to discharge this dimension, after all the portal is unusable and won't be repaired. He still has many dimensions to choose from anyway.

Years later the twins come for the summer and work on the expositions and tours. Dipper finds the journal, and the plot goes on.

The show begins:

The twins go to Gravity Falls to spend the summer, they will stay with their grunkle Ford and his colleague (wink wink) and work at their little museum. They soon find out that that's not the only thing their grunkles do.

A few days after they arrive (after Dipper finds the third journal) Ford takes them on an expedition as a bonding activity. He tells them that there's amazing things here, but there's also danger.

Ford and Fidds explain their purpose in this town, that they make sure that nothing evil gets to the town or the world. To make sure that humanity and magic stay apart and cool with eachother.

Soos and Wendy work there (at the same jobs as before, handyman and cashier at the giftshop). But Soos also works at the repair shop under Fiddleford's guidance (now Fiddleford has a son again and Soos has a new dad).

Guideon still is a menace in this one, but he doesn't have the book so he's not as dangerous as in canon. (At some point Fidds tells Ford "Imagine if you didn't dig out the journal at the school and this kid found it.")

Some adventures go the same, some different. Ford is more akin to Dipper, but Mabel has Fiddleford in this one. So it kind of balances it out. (And Fidds makes sure that Ford doesn't make Mabel feel left out, being a bridge between them and helping in communication.)

It doesn't take long for Dipper to realise who the author is (let's say, like a few weeks). And after being a bit indecisive (Mabel gives him courage) he decides to ask.

Fords admits that he's the author, and thanks him for finding the book. When Dipper asks for explanations about what happened (since he has read the journal two times already) Ford only tells him to not worry about it, that he fixed every back then (refusing to elaborate when Dipper insists).

Then he takes the journal from Dipper. The kid obviously gets mad at this. (This causes some resentment, and Dipper to be more secretive around the adults.) Ford tells him that is for his own safety.

Ford ends the conversation with the life lesson that he learned back then, that you can't do everything alone, you need family and friends in your life (the one he learned on the end of the show, basically).

At the end, this exchange causes a rift between Dipper and Ford, one that Ford isn't really aware of (and when he notices how the kid is not on board about doing nerd stuff together as much as before he feels bad, but he doesn't think it is anything too serious and that'll pass).

After the fight things are tense around the house for a bit, mostly because Dipper keeps making sharp and angry remarks at Ford (between other things). So there would be an episode about Mabel and Fiddleford trying to help so they can fix this.

It does help and things go back to being ok (but not the same as before, for Dipper won't idolise Ford anymore).

They still live adventures, with and without the grunkles.

Dipper starts his own "journal" out of spite. And to have a place to solve his own mysteries and record all the weird stuff on Gravity Falls. He sets himself the mission of learning what really happened thirty years ago. He noted down all the useful information he could remember about the third journal.

Everything moves on, and then one day Dipper and Ford were having another fight. Dipper and the others went did something reckless trying to find out the Old Mystery™ and got caught (maybe they went to the bunker, idk; but someone did get hurt).

So, they were all getting scolded, and Dipper was trying to fight back, when a small greenish opened in the middle of the kitchen and someone came through.

A loud beep reverberated through the room, Stan knew he was home.

The twins, Soos and Wendy kind of freak out and start asking who is he and such. Fiddleford has an idea of who it could be. And Ford is in shock to be honest.

Stan screams Ford's name and runs up to him to hug him. Ford stays still, in shock. He then lets out a fragile "Stan?", and his brother goes on to tell him super exited that he finally made it. After a rushed and almost incomprehensible (because of the speed in which he talks to and how he jumps to one thing to another) recap of what happened to him he pulls the first journal out of his backpack and gives it back to Ford.

–-–-–-–-–

I'm not sure how things go on from here, I haven't given it much thought. But I probably add more things to this one, at least more facts. Wether they are about Stanley's adventures through the multiverse, Ford and Fidds on the last few years, or the kid's in Gravity Falls.

Maybe even develop the relationship between the characters more, something like describing what everyone thinks of eachother would be good.

And now, I do have drawings for this one.

[piarelei]

Scars

Once again, needed to write something low commitment. Can be seen as a Bullseye sequel. All you need to know is that Jake's dad knows about the Gay Thing, it's Hangster established relationship and that's it.

When he was 14 years old, Jake jumped the fence to follow after his big brothers and scratched his hip badly enough against a nail that he had to get stitches for it. His brothers told this story for every single friend that Jake brought home. Bradley, coming over on false pretense of needing to get away from California during leave, is no exception. 

Jake had hoped that Bradley would fit right in, home turf close enough to a locker room that it would still feel like familiar ground, but he didn’t expect how much. Jake, the ugly (queer) duckling, consequently felt a bit out of touch with his own family. 

“And then,” continued Dave over his siblings’ laughter, “he hid in his emo hoodie the whole way home, like we wouldn’t know he was crying if we couldn’t see it.” 

“Jake? Emo?” Bradley asked, scrunching up his nose. 

Jenny cackled. “Oh yeah! Big emo phase for this one.” 

“Come on, it was barely a few months!” Jake protested. He knew better than to deny it completely. 

“Please,” Sam said, punching Jake in the shoulder. “I spent several summers home from college trying to drown out your music. A few months, my ass!”

“Language,” their father corrected tiredly, watching over the chaos without participating. 

Bradley looked unfortunately delighted by the idea. “Does Javy know?” 

Jake made a face. “Yes, but I have enough blackmail on his ass that it’s never getting out.” 

“Language,” their father tried again, sighing. 

“Well, the emo phase stopped soon after Sophie Rivers joined bible study, didn’t it?” Dave pushed on, tongue in cheek. 

Jake shared a look with his father, who held his gaze with his usual gravitas. 

Jake cleared his throat. “Right, about that…”

“Who wants something?” asked their mother, coming from the kitchen with oven mitts on and something delicious between her hands. 

The clamor of yeses drew the moment away from Jake. He sighed forcefully and reached for a plate of peach cobbler. There would be other times. 

#

His mother, having an uncharacteristically full house, had profusely apologized to Bradley when she had announced that they would have to share Jake’s room. Jake had tried not to combust with maniacal laughter at the news. 

She would get a mattress ready on Jake’s floor, of course. Of course. 

The moment she had been gone, Jake had locked the door and pushed Bradley on his bed, feeling filthy with lust, but unable to stop the wicked desire of having his boyfriend in his childhood bed. It had been a short, but incredible bout of cardio. By the time his brothers had come back carrying a mattress and linens, they were red-cheeked but free of sin. 

At night, curled together despite the heat, Bradley traced the scar on Jake’s hip. 

“You told me you got this bull-riding,” Bradley said, words like a kiss on Jake’s collarbone. 

Jake hummed. “Well. I was following them to a rodeo.”

Bradley laughed. “There’s exaggerating and there’s that.” 

“Well, I couldn’t let you win with all your cool scars stories.”

Bradley snorted. “My scars don’t make me cool. They make me scared of dogs.” 

Jake blindly found Bradley’s head and patted his hair back, soothingly. “We’ll adopt a cat, then. Call him Whiskers.”

“Whisky, for short.” 

“Atta boy.”

Jake was falling asleep when Bradley spoke again. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to come out earlier.” 

Jake fought Morpheus to blink back into the darkness of the room. He sighed. “Well. You could still kiss me at breakfast.” 

Bradley snorted. “Sure, I’ve made bigger sacrifices. If that’s what it takes.” 

“This might kill my mother, actually.” 

Bradley’s arms tightened around Jake. “No reason. She loves you.” 

Jake snuffled Bradley’s hair, breathing in the comforting smell of his shampoo. “You don’t know the kind of stuff they say at church here.” 

“Your dad had no issue.” 

“My dad knows better than to decide things for me. He was never for the whole Navy thing, but he trusts my decisions… My mom, on the other hand, she wants to write the entire story.” 

Bradley caressed his back, his broad palm suffusing comfort. “Sorry.”

Jake remembered with a sudden sense of shame that Bradley still mourned the loss of gus parents. “God, who the fuck am I complaining to. This is stupid, forget it.” 

“No… Sometimes, I think it’s easier to not have any parents. Not often, but… I’ll never know, yeah? I’ll never know so I might as well.”

Jake hummed, shifting impossibly closer. “But you have Mav now, yeah?” 

Bradley smiled in the dark. Jake couldn’t see it but he knew. 

“Mav invented bisexuality. He has no opinion on us dating over than he’s grossed out by his kid having sex.” 

“Gross. Now I’m thinking about Mav having sex.”

“Please, this is nothing compared to my trauma. He gave me the Talk. Twice, when he found me kissing a basketball teammate.” 

“Fuck me, that’s something.” 

“Yeah. Well, it was useful, but it put me off any sort of sex for months.” 

Jake chuckled. “Well, you don’t seem scarred.” 

Bradley’s hands pulled Jake closer for a kiss. “Well, you know. Some things are just too good to resist.”

Hope you liked it, I needed to create something. Show some love with a reblog!

[70sscifiart]

The Last-Minute Sci-Fi Gift Guide

There's only one thing worse than procrastinating on getting gifts for your loved ones, and that's procrastinating on putting together a guide to help out everyone else with all those gifts. It's Dec 12, so you can decide for yourself which I'm doing.

Art book: Worlds Beyond Time, $32

If you follow this blog, you might have heard of this one. I published Worlds Beyond Time: Sci-Fi Art of the 1970s this year after five years of work on it, and I think it's really good! 400+ images, 100+ artists, with lots of fun art history and jokes.

Also, it's just $20 right now if you order through my publisher and use the code SKIPTHELINE! Cheapest it's ever been!

Card game: Coup, $14

In this "social deduction" card game, you play as a government official in a future dystopia who needs to backstab their way into power. Everyone starts out with just two cards in this bluffing game, so the tide can turn pretty quick when players start assassinating each other's cards. The fast pace makes it a good gift for someone who loves spies but thinks they don't like card games.

Game to play over Zoom: Bad Spaceships, $3

If a bluffing game stresses you out, try Bad Spaceships: It's a collaborative world-building game in which you roll dice to see what area of your spaceship connects to another, forcing you to spitball exactly why this is the case. As the game puts it, you might fix the hull by playing Tetris, or charge your weapons in the swimming pool. You're basically getting weird prompts to tell a story that can evolve over the course of the game.

It's such an indie game that it comes as PDFs you download from itch.io, but you can play it just as well over Zoom, if you're looking for an excuse to catch up with your old digital nomad college friend.

Movies/TV: Streaming service gift card

Gift cards are all well and good, but you can personalize them by recommending a few of your favorite shows as well. I suggest:

Hulu: Cowboy Bebop

Apple TV+: Severance

Criterion Channel: Ravenous, Paprika, Strange Days

Paramount+: Yellowjackets

Amazon Prime: The Devil's Hour

But to be honest, this entry is just an excuse to talk about the new Max show Scavenger’s Reign. Inspired by the work of French artist Moebius and with a clear debt to famed 70s animated film Fantastic Planet, this stylish sci-fi show features a bunch of humans trying to survive on a beautiful but hostile alien world. Perfect for lovers of fictional nature.

Vintage sci-fi

This Etsy shop has some good stuff, like the 1971 Frank Kelly Freas NASA poster above, a bit of history that I even mentioned on page 167 of my art book.

Penguin science fiction postcards, $28

These postcards have a ton of very cool sci-fi covers I've blogged in the past – great value if you want a lot of art for a low cost.

Meteorite pendant necklace, $34

I think we all know what kind of rock your loved ones need around their neck: A chunk of meteorite straight out of the 1576 Argentinan meteorite fall.

Book recs

For astronauts: Packing for Mars by Mary Roach, The New Guys: The Historic Class of Astronauts That Broke Barriers and Changed the Face of Space Travel by Meredith Bagby

For comedians: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, Even Greater Mistakes: Short Stories by Charlie Jane Anders 

For sleuths: Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty, Drunk on All Your Strange New Words by Eddie Robson

For crafters: Knits of Tomorrow: Toys and Accessories for your Retro-Future Needs

For the resistance fighters: The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

For slasher movie fans: Clown in a Cornfield by Adam Cesare

Syd Mead "Biomorph Vehicle" button down shirt, $49

T-shirts aren't classy enough for the world's coolest visual futurist, Syd Mead. I haven't actually bought this incredibly odd shirt, but I really need to.

Art prints (and more) from 70s sci-fi artists

Artist shops can be surprisingly hard to track down on the internet, but here's a short list of ones I've come across. All of these artists are featured in my book (except one), so you can read up on them before you commit to a print.

Michael Whelan 

John Harris

Syd Mead

Don Maitz

David B Mattingly

Peter Andrew Jones - Jones was one of just a few artists who declined to be included in my art book, but he has a distinct, colorful style that I would have loved to have featured!

Finally, here's one extra bonus, just for everyone who made it to the end of this article: The UK-based educational charity Centre for Computing History sells three big officially licensed John Harris posters featuring these three artworks, famous for their use as covers for Sinclair programming manuals.

It's a great deal that I've never seen mentioned anywhere, and Harris' work has a timeless quality that makes it great for an unassuming wall decoration. If you're outside the UK, the shipping costs will be a pain, but there's no better deal for a classic sci-fi poster.

[screamting]

what r ur thoughts on reconciliation between jason and bruce. is it really possible? what would it take? what would it look like? seen some stuff on my dash lately about that particularly thorny issue and would love to get your perspective. (hopefully this is the kind of ask ur looking for)

(you are FINE this is going to be the bane of my fandom career) 

So realistically we're not going to see Jason reconcile with Bruce because a) everybody loves angst b) no one is talking about the ISSUE. 

The ISSUE is not the murder thing. Like. The murder thing doesn't help but it isn't the root; killing people is something Jason decided to start doing because it was something Bruce is extremely firm on. He stands by the 'no murder' thing even when his own life and the lives of others are in danger. He stands SO firmly by it, that if you break that rule maybe you can break the entire foundation of Batman, which is that things are never so far gone they can't be redeemed. Gotham is never so far gone it isn't worth trying to repair. We are not cutting the rot away we are building an environment which no longer collapses into rot around us, even if it is gross, demeaning, dangerous work. 

If Bruce killed the Joker in Under the Red Hood I think Jason would have been lost forever. Because it would've been proof that Bruce's most fervent beliefs meant nothing. If Bruce's hardest promise, that he would not kill, was broken so easily, then what does that mean about all his other promises? All the promises that he loved Jason and would never send him away? If his hardest promise can be broken, do those easy promises even stand a chance? 

I think the issue is and always will be: Did you love me? Do you love me still? 

All those posts about coming back wrong and unlovable, and what if I was unlovable the whole time and it was just that I can't even be bothered to pretend anymore? That's Jason Todd. He crawled his way out of his own grave an open wound and he is trying to convince himself that he's doing fine while actively bleeding. I feel insane reading some of the discourse because it's talking about Jason from the pov of his disenfranchisement and that as driving him in Red Hood and like. No! Jason is disenfranchised, he was failed by the systems, absolutely; I do not fucking believe he is doing any of this for people like him. He is saying things that validate his pain because he cannot deal with the enormous amount of pain he is in. He died and came back to life. He did it in a way people don't know or understand, or via Lazarus pit, which people condemn. I think to resolve things they'd need a god damn religious discussion to even start with, to ask Jason if he thinks anything that has died and come back to life can ever be good, or if it's just him. 

I think he must have had self-loathing and insecurity built up before his death and it Exploded when he came back to life several years later and saw from the out side people attempting to move on. This is not a victim blame because of course he had self-loathing and insecurity, he was a kid with a difficult childhood and you need at least five years to a decade to start feeling like someone else, who maybe has confidence and certainty. I think being Robin let him borrow confidence, and so like, probably did feel great! He had a script and a role to fill and he was given a lot of practice to do it!

I think part of the problem is that post-resurrection is Jason has to figure out who he is for the first time again, even older now. He lost some of his teen years in figuring things out. He has the life experiences of a 14 year old and then training under assassins and then like. Drug lord?? For a bit?? 

Jason is not fighting for the disenfranchised. He is trying to figure out who the hell he is and is bouncing around so many teams and timelines and shit that all already know him and know him as the dead kid that I think for him and Bruce to make up, like. He probably needs to have a job?

Not for money necessarily, because like. The Wayne fortune is right there. But I think he needs to go somewhere, with a schedule, for like at least six months in a row, and have something low stakes dependent on him. Like a dog or something. Maybe get involved in local theater. Take the dog to dog training twice a week and teach small children acting in the afternoons. 

And once a week or whenever they feel like it Bruce and Jason can have a phone call, and Jason can bring up what's happening at the theater and how the dog is, and Bruce can talk about Wayne Corp shit. 

And if Jason learns from dog time about someone who is mistreating an animal or a partner then like maybe he goes and steals a dog or tells someone to come stay over at his house for a while and gives them some cash. And after he does something rash he still needs to come back to his apartment and feed the dog and show up to the theater the next day. 

I think he needs to see the world around him when it ISN'T homelessness and assassins guilds and running out into the streets at night looking for trouble. 

'but you haven't addressed anything for bruce to do' for Bruce to have to do anything we first need to get jason at the table. 'bruce beat jason in x comic/brainwashed him into an overactive fear response/almost certainly also something else' 

1. i'm choosing to say besides the throat thing that people hate (bc I get that. Bruce needs to say 'yes I was panicking and my writer was being dramatic I'm sorry' ) bruce doesn't beat his kids or any rogues in general once they're at a point they're no longer trying to kill/hurt anyone either. 

2. tbh I think the anxiety brainwashing is facinating and definitely something Bruce might have thought about but making it and using it is fully in 'I was also having a 3 day long mental breakdown' territory. However since Jason put a lot of heads in a duffle bag during HIS mental breakdown I think this might again be within 'yeah that was fucked up I'm sorry about that' territory.

Honestly I wish that Jason had gone to Bruce after the Selina 'making thieves pay 15% to charity' thing and they had just had the BIGGEST bitching fest about it with each other.  I think that, faster than literally any amount of relaxation and therapy, would have gotten them back on the same side. They need to get in a room together and just. Bitch about it. Jason saw the WORST adaptation the other day. Bruce is dealing with the MOST stuck up prick at the board meeting. 

Before they can fix anything they need to remember why they even loved each other. If they feel it again maybe they'll work to save it. But no one is going to fix a relationship where it feels like an obligation for a feeling you aren't sure even exists anymore.

[thegreymarveljedi]

Reunited At Last

(Rebels! Rex x Reader)

Okay! So this is my first time posting a fanfic here and I’m so nervous that something is going to go wrong so please be patient with me!

This is a Rebels! Rex x Reader story with a flashback to the Clone Wars Era. Bear with me for some non lore accurate stuff because it’s fanfic, it doesn’t have to be completely accurate.

The reader and Ahsoka are go friends in this and the reader also knows The Bad Batch as well. She went through Order 66 and stuff so please be kind to me with how I’ve written it.

This fanfic also heavily relies on dialogue directly from Star Wars Rebels Season 2, Episode 3, The Lost Commanders. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED FOR LUCAS FILMS.

Warnings: 18+, Minor DNI, Angst, anxiety attack, allusions to PTSD, hurt/comfort, talk of force visions, SMUTTTTT, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, oral F-receiving, teasing, pet names, order 66 scene, canon-typical violence, pregnancy, force bond and connections work how I need them too, swearing, happy ending.

Words: 13.0k

—————

Mando’a Translations

Ner ad - My son

Buir - Mother (in this context)

Oh ner ad. Udesiir. Haalur ti ni ad’ika - oh my son. Relax. Breathe with me little one

Cyar’ika - Darling

Cyare - beloved

Dala - Woman

Ori’vod - older brother

Di’kuts - idiots

Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum - I love you

Ner Alor’ad - my captain

Su cuy’gar - you’re still alive!

Sha’jika al’verde - Cease fire commander!

Udes verde - Rest soldiers

Su cuy’gar ner alor’ad - you’re alive my captain

—————

I opened my eyes to the feeling of a weight on my chest, the blankets on my cot being rustled before they settled back down. I felt an arm wrapped around my stomach and squeezing gently. I smiled softly and pulled my little, not so little anymore, boy into my arms, scratching his head as he breathed a sighed.

“Did I wake you mom?” He asked and I smiled and shook my head.

“It’s okay ner ad. What’s on your mind?” I asked and my son Cody, peeked up from where he lay in my arms.

“I-I-“ he stuttered, words failing to come out. I pulled him into my arms a little tighter, just holding him and stroking his hair. He calmed down as the minutes ticked by, not saying a word yet but I didn’t mind, I was here for him.

“I had a vision ma..” he said quietly and I tensed briefly before relaxing again, holding my son a little tighter. I took a deep breath before sitting up with Cody in my arms. I manoeuvred him so that he was sat beside me, my arms still around him.

“What was it about honey?” I asked quietly, still in shock that my 14 year old was having visions.

“ I -I think it was about…dad..” he said hesitantly. I flinched a little harder at that and pulled Cody into me even more, trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to form.

“W-what about your father?” I asked quietly and sniffed, trying not to think about the man I love. Or loved I guess.

“I think he’s alive buir,” Cody whispered and I finally let go of him, standing up abruptly only to collapse to the floor.

“Mom!” Cody yelped and came to my side, trying to help me. I was shaking now, having flashbacks to the last time I saw my beloved husband. My breathing became faster and my hands began to clam up.

“Kanan!” Cody yelled as he came in front of me, holding my face in his hands.

“Mom! Mom look at me,” He said and my eyes shifted rapidly to his before darting around the room more, trying to ground myself. Just then the door to our quarters swung open and Kanan appeared, the rest of the Ghost crew in the door way.

“(Y/N)!” Kanan said and came to Cody’s side in front of me, holding my shoulders gently yet firmly. He turned back to look at Hera who knew exactly what that meant. She ushered Zeb and Sabine to the kitchenette to get some water and rations as Ezra came into the room and sat next to Kanan.

“(Y/N), can you hear me?” He said and I felt myself nod, my eyes still darting around. Cody sat there frozen, knowing that mentioning his dad was a difficult subject but not wanting to lie to me.

“What happened Cody?” Ezra asked quietly as Kanan continued trying to pull me out of my panic attack. He held my hands now, trying to let me know that I was safe.

Cody moved over to be closer to Ezra, trying not to trigger me with his words. He leaned over and whispered to Ezra what happened, Ezra looking at him with wide eyes once he finished the explanation.

“(Y/N), you’re okay. Do you know where you are?” Kanan asked and I nodded.

“T-the Gho-ost-“ I stuttered out, my hand blindly reaching for Cody’s hand. He grabbed mine immediately, holding it in his.

“Okay, that’s a start. Do you remember who I am?” He asked next, hands back on my shoulders. I nodded again.

“K-Kanan Jarrus, knight of the Jedi - Jedi order.,” I said, blinking rapidly trying to focus my eyes on Kanan.

“And who are you?” He asked quietly and I closed my eyes, focusing on my surroundings. I held Cody’s hand in mine, my other hand finding purchase on Kanans shoulder and my head finding a place on Ezra’s shoulder. I slowly exhaled before my eyes opened again, lifting my head and looking at Kanan then Ezra and finally looking to my son.

“(Y/N) (L/N), Jedi Master and mother to a beautiful son,” I said and a small smile graced my lips. Cody smiled and launched himself at me as the door to our quarters opened up again, Hera, Sabine and Zeb standing there with some water and rations.

“You okay (Y/N)?” Hera asked and I nodded, my arms wrapped tightly around my Cody, his around me.

“What happened?” Sabine asked and Ezra stood up and took the rations and water from her and Zeb, handing them to Kanan who placed them on the floor next to me. Ezra led Zeb and Sabine to the common room to explain the situation, Hera staying back to make sure I was okay.

“I’m okay Hera. Thanks to you guys,” I said and Cody began to let go.

“I’m sorry mom,” He whispered and hung his head, sniffling.

“Oh ner ad. Udesiir. Haalur ti ni ad’ika,” I said. Cody took a deep breath, following my breathing until his tears stopped forming. Kanan sat there with us, just his presence in the force enough to calm me down. Kanan had become like a brother to me in these last few years, helping me to raise Cody to be a kindhearted boy. Hera was like a sister to me, always making sure that the Ghost was a safe space for me to be. Zeb, Ezra, and Sabine I saw as my kids too. I always wanted to be strong for them.

“You okay now (Y/N)?” Kanan asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked to him and nodded, slowly letting go of Cody and standing up with Kanan’s help.

“I’m okay now. Thank you for your help,” I said and Kanan smiled, pulling me in to a hug.

“Anytime. You would do the same for me,” He replied and Hera walked into the room and pulled me in for a hug too.

“Get some rest (Y/N), we’ll be meeting up with the fleet soon. And I think Ahsoka will be there,” Hera said and Cody lit up at the mention of his Aunt.

“We’re meeting up with Auntie Ahsoka?” He asked, beaming from ear to ear. Kanan and Hera smiled and brought Cody in for a hug, enjoying the child like innocence that Cody displayed.

“We will be soon enough,” Hera replied and Cody jumped coming over to me and giving me a hug. I smiled at my son, happy to see him excited. I then looked to Kanan and Hera who shared a happy look, Kanan wrapping his arm around her.

“Come on kiddo, let’s let your mom get some sleep okay?” Kanan said and Cody nodded but didn’t let go right away. I smiled down at my boy and kissed his forehead, scratching his head a little.

“I’ll be okay Cody, you go hang out with the crew. I’m just going to lay down for a little longer,” I said and Cody nodded, pulling away from our hug slowly. I smiled at him as he left the room with Kanan, Hera staying behind for another minute. She turned to me, giving me a look I know all to well.

“I know Hera. But I can’t help it. He was my first love and it’s still painful,” I said and Hera nodded, pulling me into a hug.

“I know it is but you’ll have to tell him eventually,” She said and I sighed, nodding because I knew she was right. I just didn’t want to think back to that day. Hera pulled away from the hug and placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Get some rest. Someone will come get you when we rendezvous with the fleet,” Hera said and I nodded, watching as she walked out and the door slid closed behind her.

I sighed and moved back towards my cot, sitting on the edge and wrapping a blanket around myself. I sat there, deep in thought. Thinking about my beloved while trying not to think about the last time we saw one another. My eyes began to water as I recalled the day we were forced to part.

~Flashback~

“Cyar’ika~” Rex said in a quiet, sing song voice as my eyes squinted, the sun light coming through the curtains of my room and illuminating the room. I smiled and kept my eyes closed, not wanting this moment to end. Rex wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back towards him, kissing my neck and shoulders. I giggled a little and stretched, taking a deep breath before turning to face my love.

Rex smiled at me as I turned around, loosening his hold to let me flip over and face him. Once I was facing him, he took the opportunity to kiss my lips. I smiled into the kiss and held his face, not wanting the moment to end.

“Good morning Rex~” I said quietly, smiling as we pulled away from the kiss. Rex kissed my forehead before pulling back to look at me.

“Good morning Cyar’ika,” He said and held me a little tighter. We stayed like that for a little longer, talking quietly with one another and laughing about whatever we found on the holonet. Our joyful atmosphere was shattered by the beeping of Rex’s comlink. Rex groaned and tried to bury his face into my neck, not wanting to leave this moment.

After a minute of the com going off it stopped and we both breathed a sigh. Before it started going off again cause us both to groan. Rex finally picked it, his arm still wrapped around me as he answered the person in the other end.

“Captain Rex here,” He said and there was a chuckle on the other end. Rex rolled his eyes with a smile before repeating himself, just for appearance sake.

“Rex, my man. We’ve got a new mission,” Anakin voice came over the com, playful yet serious as always. Rex groaned and buried his face in my neck, hearing Anakin laugh from the comlink.

“Do we have to?” Rex said like a child cause me to burst out laughing. Anakin was historically laughing as well, not being able to keep his composure.

“Yes we do Captain. You’ve got one more hour until we leave,” Anakin said and Rex nodded to himself.

“Of course General,” He replied, wanting to savour the next hour.

“Hey (Y/N)!” Anakin added with a chuckle.

“Hi Anakin,” I replied, still trying to catch my breath.

“I hope you’re taking good care of my captain,” He said and Rex groaned while I laughed again.

“He’s in good hands Skywalker, no need to worry,” Anakin laughed again and shook his head.

“Alright, I believe. We’ll see you when we get back from our mission,” Anakin said. I nodded and gave Rex a kiss on the cheek as he sat there in embarrassment.

“Alrighty Skywalker. Be safe and tell Obi-wan I say hello,” I replied and Anakin responded with a “will do!” Before the line cut out. Once I was sure the com was off I burst into giggles again, holding my stomach as Rex pouted with a small smile.

Anakin knew of our relationship and besides Padme, and my commander, no one knew. Though I’m pretty sure my captain and ARC Trooper do. If so, they haven’t said anything to my other men which I’m thankful for. We wanted to keep it that way but because Anakin and I were such close friends it was obvious that we would tell him when our relationship started. He always teased Rex but he knew how to keep quiet around his other men, not wanting any of them to accidentally say anything to anyone else.

“You’re so cute Rex.” I said and his cheeks turned pink, still not used to being complimented even after being together for two years. He sat up and stretched, scratching the back of his head. I sat up as well and crawled over to him, draping my arms over his shoulders. He smiled and held my arms as I kissed his neck. He groaned quietly and tilted his head to the side, giving me a little more room. I smirked against his neck as I bit down softly, drawing a moan from him.

“Cyar’ika~” he growled and I smirked before pulling away, dodging his attempt to grab me. I laughed and stood up as he reached for me again, smirking a little.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish Cyare~” he growling, managing to grab my arm and pull me back to the bed, maneuvering us so he was on top with me pinned beneath him.

I sighed as he leaned down and kissed me, his tongue finding its way into my mouth. I groaned as he kissed down to my neck, returning the bite I gave to him. My back arched as he left a few more marks on my chest.

“R-Rex~” I stuttered out as he let go of my arms, moving down and holding my hips as he stared at me. I looked down at him and watched as he smirked, pulling my panties to the side and licking a strip up my pussy. My head fell back against the pillows and my hand found its way to his buzzed head.

“Fuck~” I whimpered as he did it again, and again and again. I was putty in his hands. I tugged on his arm, hoping to get him back up to me. He understood what I wanted and sat up, removing my panties as I removed my shirt. He quickly stripped himself of his blacks, wanting the same thing I did.

I helped him with his shirt and once it was over his head and on the floor, I pulled him down for heated kiss. He reciprocated immediately, fumbling slightly before he positioned his cock at my cunt. He pushed in quickly, breaking the kiss as we both moaned at the amazing feeling.

He began thrusting fast, gripping my hips as he went, pounding me into the bed. I moaned his name over and over, relishing in the feeling of him inside me.

“Fuckkk you feel so good around me cyar’ika~” he groaned and lifted my legs over his shoulders, his cock reaching even deeper. I threw my head back and screamed, thankful I had a soundproof apartment away from the temple. My hands gripped the sheets, feeling myself squirt and cum before the blissful feeling set in. Rex groaned and kept thrusting, even with his bottom half soaked in my juices.

“Re-Rex!” I cried out as he managed to get me to cum again. Or was it just a continuation of my first orgasm? I couldn’t tell as I felt Rex empty himself inside me, his cock pulsing for a minute more before it finally began to get soft.

We panted, our heart beating fast but together, our breathing syncing up the exact same way. He gently let my legs go, easing them down to the bed and leaning over me to give me a keldabe kiss. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him as he withdrew his cock from inside me.

“That felt amazing cyare~” he whispered and I nodded, leaning in and giving him a proper kiss, he returned it just as sweetly, smiling into it as I gave him a squeeze. We both pulled away, content in the moment before we were interrupted once again, this time by my commlink going off.

Rex groaned as I giggled, reaching over and answering the com.

“(L/N) here?” I answered and there was snickering from the other side before a stern voice shushed it.

“General. We have a briefing in an hour before we ship out,” My Clone commander Chomp said and there was more snickering. I laughed and shook my head, bringing my hand up to scratch Rex’s head. He went limp in my arms, practically purring into my neck while still trying to keep quiet.

“Alright Chomp. I’ll be there soon. And Manik and Spike know I can hear them laughing right?” I asked him, listening as my captain and Arc trooper burst out into even louder laughter. I could feel Chomp rolling his eyes as he scolded his younger brothers.

“That’s enough you too. Or I increase your daily work out,” He barked and the other two calmed down, managing to stand at attention while still smiling.

“Fine by me sir. Maybe that means we can find a beautiful dala like our Ori’vod has,” Spike said. I could sense their smiles as they thought about it, causing me to laugh.

“Alright you di’kuts. Enough. What our general does in her personal time is none of our business. Now if you two want to enjoy your shore leave after our mission I suggest you zip it,” Chomp said sternly and Manik and Spike finally shut up. I was laughing hysterically and I could feel Rex trying to hold his laughter as well.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” I said quickly and cut the comms. Rex and I sat there for a moment before we busted out laughing, both of us not being able to hold it in. Finally after another ten minutes of laying down, we both got up and got dressed, making sure that the marks we gave one another were not visible.

I helped Rex adjust his armour, making sure nothing was pinching his skin. He in turn helped me straighten out my robes, laying them in place expertly as if they had not been haphazardly thrown on the floor the night before. We smiled at each other and gave one final kiss before Rex had to leave.

“Hopefully this war will be over soon and we can escape to another planet,” I said and Rex nodded in agreement.

“Soon cyar’ika. Hopefully soon. And then we can start a family,” He evened and I blushed, knowing exactly what Rex was thinking. He smirked and pulled me in for another heated kiss before I had to push him away, not wanting to get caught up in the moment and carried away.

“Oh don’t worry ner alor’ad. You will have all the time in the world to see me pregnant. I promise you that,” I said and Rex buried his face in my neck and groaned.

“Speak like that and you’ll give me a hard on again,” He said and I could feel the smallest amount of pressure from his codpiece. I laughed and hugged him, not wanting the moment to end.

We pulled away from one another before Rex reached into one of the pouches on his belt and pulled out a necklace. My eyes went wide as I stared at it, the piece of jewelry simple yet gorgeous. Rex smiled sheepishly at me and he held it up, looking between the necklace and me. It was a silver chain with a small pendant, a sapphire gem in the middle with smaller diamond as around it.

“Rex…” I breathed out and he smiled.

“I wanted to get you something nice. I had a little help because we clones don’t make money but I want you to have something to remind you of me,” He said and I slowly reached for the necklace, Rex letting it rest in my hands. It had more weight on it than it looked and I wondered what it was made of. I ran my thumb over the gem before turning the pendant over, a gasp leaving lips as I stared at the jaig eyes engraved on the back.

“Oh Rex…” I whispered and he smiled an innocent smile at me.

“I-it’s made of beskar so you can wear it in the field and not worry about it falling off,” Rex said and I was still at a loss for words. He slowly took the necklace from my hands and walked around me, situating himself behind me.

I stood still ask Rex placed the necklace around my neck fastening the clip and adjusting it so that it was comfortable. I reached my hand up to feel the necklace, the slight weight on my neck comforting. I smiled as I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hiding my face in his neck. His arms wrapped around me, giving me a gentle squeeze as we stayed there for what felt like an eternity. Finally we pulled away from one another and giggled together.

“Thank you Rex. It’s absolutely beautiful,” I breathed and Rex smiled.

“You’re worth it to me my love. It wasn’t easy but I called in a few favours.” He said and I smiled as I went in for another hug. “Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum Cyar’ika,” Rex said and I smiled as he gave me a Keldabe kiss.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum ner Alor’ad. Be safe please,” I replied and Rex smiled, letting go and making his way to the door and out first, trying not to raise suspicion. He turned back to give me one more smile and a tiny salute before he disappeared out the door. I sighed as I was left to my own devices for a short time before I made my way out, taking my fighter and flying to the temple.

~Time Skip~

“General! We’ve just received word from general Kenobi! He has engaged General Gervious on Utapau,” Commander Chomp informed me as we wrapped up our own battle on the surface of Vassek.

“Very good commander. Let’s clean up here and get back to Coruscant. I want a celebratory drink for the end of the war!” I said and Chomp laughed, Manik and Spike joining in as they came up to us.

Just then my com went off and I excused myself to take the call.

“(L/N) here?” I said and I heard a small sigh of relief from the other end, a smiling gracing my face as I felt Rex’s relief.

“Just checking in on you. I heard about your battle and wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said and I smiled at his concern.

“No need to worry about me Rex. Takes a lot more than a few droids to take me down. How about you? How is everything in your campaign?” I asked and heard Rex take in a deep breathe before exhaling.

“U-um well, everything on Anaxes has been dealt with...” Rex said, a little hesitation in his voice. That concerned me because Rex was never this hesitant to talk about his missions before.

“What’s wrong Rex?” I ask softly and I heard another sigh.

“We found something on Anaxes that led us to Skako Minor and we…” before I could finish, I gasped.

“Skako minor?? Like home of the Techno Union Skako Minor??” I questioned, my heart pounding, wondering what could be so important that they had to go to the heart of the Techno Union.

“Yeah that one,” Rex said let out a small huffed laugh. I rolled my eyes and moved a little further away from my men.

“Rex it’s not funny. You could have been captured or at worse killed! Who okayed this mission? The council surely wouldn’t so I’m assuming Anakin didn’t have offi-” my rambling was cut off my Rex telling me something that I knew I couldn’t be mad at him for.

“Cyar’ika, Echo’s alive,” He breathed and my eyes widened, shock riddling my body. I had no words. I knew how much Echo’s death had affected my Captain and Fives when he was still here but to hear that he was alive was a shock and a relief.

“H-he is?” I whispered and I could feel Rex’s smile.

“He’s alive. Altered both physically and mentally but he is back with us,” Rex said then went on to explain what happened in full detail. He ended off by telling me that Echo had chosen to go with Clone Force 99 or The Bad Batch.

“That’s good. He is in good hands with Hunter and the others. Though I’m sure it will take Crosshair a while to warm up to him,” I chuckled and Rex laughed.

“Yeah, he’s a tough one to crack. But I’m sure Echo will be okay,” Rex said and I nodded, trying my best to reach Rex through the force and surround him with comfort.

“Thank you Cyar’ika,” He whispered and I smiled, knowing that I had reached him.

“Where are you now?” I asked and I heard a short intake of breath.

“I-I’m on Mandalore with half the 501st and the 332nd,” he said and once again I was dumbfounded before Rex went on to explain why. He explained how Ahsoka was back as well and how she was helping Bo Katan Kryze reclaim her home from Darth Maul. All of this information was overwhelming but I was just happy Ahsoka was alive and well.

“Tell her I say hello and to protect my captain,” I said and smiled, Rex letting out a short chuckle in return.

“I will. She is very happy for us and has promised not to let it slip,” Rex said and I gasped.

“You told her already?” I said and I could feel Rex’s embarrassment.

“Well, not really. She was my second in command for 2 years and she can read me like a book so it was pretty obvious to her,” Rex defended himself and I thought for a moment before nodding.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised, she was always a very perceptive Jedi,” I said and I couldn’t feel Rex nodding.

“Anyway, I have to go. We’re transporting Maul to Coruscant now,” Rex said quickly, I guess making sure no one knew who he was speaking to.

“Will do alor’ad. We just finished up here so we will also be making our way back to Coruscant. The next time I see you the war will be over,” I said with a big smile, happy that I could finally leave the order with Rex so that we could start a life together.

“Definitely cyare. Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum and I will see you back on Coruscant,” Rex said and I smiled even more.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum Alor’ad,” I said and the transmission cut. I smiled and pocketed my com before making my way back over to my men, who were all loaded up in the gun ship and ready to head out.

~Time Skip~

We had been in hyper space for about an hour now when I felt an immense pain in my chest, like my heart had been grabbed and squeezed. I collapsed on the bridge, Chomp moving over to my side.

“General! Are you alright?” He asked and my head began to throb. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t hear what else was said. The words being said sounded like they were being run through a blender. I felt our cruiser leave hyperspace but everything was still a blur.

“General can you hear me?” Chomps voice finally became a little clearer, though I could feel something terrible coming.

“Ready my ship and release my hyperspace ring. Disable tracking and divert power to the engines,” I practically whispered but my commander didn’t question it and order for a few troops to do as I asked.

“What’s happening (Y/N)?” Chomp whispered as he helped me up, Manik and Spike coming to my side as well.

“Something terrible is coming. And I need to be far away from here when it does,” I said and took a deep breath, trying to regain my strength.

“What’s coming general?” Spike said, a small note of fear in his voice. I looked at my three most trusted men, thinking about everything we had been through together.

“Come with me, the three of you. We haven’t much time,” I said and quickly began walking off the bridge and to the medbay. Chomp, Manik and Spike quickly followed, concerned for me but also curious as to what was happening.

When we made it to the medbay I ordered all personnel out, not giving anyone a chance to argue before they were ushered out by my men and the door sealed.

“(Y/N) please. What is going on?” Manik said and before I could answer, another wave of pain shot through me causing me to faulter, my head was pounded and I could hear screaming that was not my owe. I could hear master Windu, master Fisto and other masters being slaughtered. I shook my head and turned on the MRI scanner, making quick work.

“Take off your helmets and jam all transmissions to your commlinks and the cruiser. Someone is trying to turn you against me,” I said quickly as the machine powered on.

“General what is happening? Please talk to us!” Spike said and I turned to look at my men as they did what I instructed.

“I don’t know exactly what is happening Spike but I know something is wrong. I can feel it in the force and I need you three to trust me please,” I pleaded with them, going up and holding Spikes face in my hands. All three exchanged looks before nodding, Chomp stepping up first and laying on the scanner.

I started the machine and after a few minutes I found something that I had feared. A chip that shouldn’t be there. I remember Rex telling me about something like this around the time that five was killed but I didn’t take him seriously. Now I regret it.

“What is it (Y/N)?” Spike said as he an Manik came up to my side. The machine produced the chip, encased in glass to avoid contamination.

“A ‘behavioural chip’. I put that in quotes because it is something far worse than that. What it is I do not know but I need to remove yours as well. Quickly,” I said as the scanner released Chomp. He didn’t wake right away but I hauled him up and sat him against the adjacent wall, ushering Manik to the scanner.

There was no protest from as he went under. The same thing happened and once again I laid him up against the wall next to Chomp. Spike was the last to go, still a little hesitant even after seeming his brothers go through it.

“Are you sure about this general?” Spike asked and I nodded before feeling another wave of pain. The voices were much louder and I could hear Anakin screaming, I could feel Master Windu in pain and I could feel a sinister presence rising. My ears were ringing and my head pounding as I collapsed, screaming in pain myself, Spike got off the table to be by my side but I shook my head, trying to convey to him that he had to go through the procedure quickly.

Before I could really process what was happening, Spikes helmet was activated and a hologram of a dark figure appeared. I could feel dread take over my body as I watched the cloaked figure speak.

“Arc Trooper Spike. It is time-”

Execute Order 66

The words rang out through the Medbay, Spike going rigid before his shoulders squared. My eyes were wide, my ears not being able to process what was being said.

“It will be done my lord,” Spike replied before moving away from me and scooped up his bucket, placing it on his head before raising his blaster at me.

“Jedi. You are in direct violation of Order 66. You are to be terminated immediately for treason against the galactic republic,” Spike said and my heart dropped, looking over to my Commander and Captain who were still unconscious.

“I don’t want to hurt you Spike,” I whispered as I knelt there, still in disbelief. A shot went off but my lightsaber was in my hand before I could register what was happening, the bolt being deflected and hitting the wall near by.

“SPIKE!” I screamed as a firefight ensued, Spike firing at me and me deflecting what I could. “Spike please! It’s (Y/N)! Your friend!” I continued, trying but failing to get through to my trooper.

“I am not friends with Jedi traitors!” He screamed back and drew his pistols, firing at me twice as fast. I tried to dodge all his shots but one got me in the shoulder causing me to drop my saber.

I screamed in pain as I went down, clutching my injured shoulder with my good hand. Spike walked up to me and aimed his pistol right between my eyes, the look on his face one of no emotion or remorse. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, reaching out to Rex through the force with one final I love you before breaking our bond.

When Rex and I had begun dating, I had created a force bond with him. Even if he was not a force sensitive being, it was possible. And I melded our signatures together, giving him a piece on myself and he did the same to me. Breaking the bond was like shattering my heart, ripping it in half and throwing it aside.

I screamed as I did it, my sorrow creating a ripple effect that sent Spike flying across the room. He landed with a thud before dropping his pistols, laying unconscious on the ground. I could feel how the ripple had affected the ship as a whole, everyone on board being faced with an ear-piercing scream.

I knelt there sobbing as I finally felt the weight of what I did, holding onto my chest as the pain became too much. I could feel an emptiness in my chest, like a hole from a blaster. I didn’t even register that someone was trying to talk to me. The next thing I remember in being carried in someone’s arms, feeling cold before feeling warm again. I blacked out after that.

~Time Skip~

I woke to a gentle humming, feeling the weight of something on top of me and my eyes began to open. I felt a soft blanket on top of me and a pillow under my head, my body lying on a firm surface. I looked to my right, being met with a wall before looking to my left and seeing the inside of a ship. Across the small hull of the shuttle, I could see Spike laying there, a bandage on the right side of his head with his hair cut to accommodate it. I sighed a small sigh of relief, knowing that my Arc trooper was okay. I slowly sat up, clutching my chest as I did. The pain was still there, feeling even deeper than before. I cried out, finally processing what I had done. I had done it to protect Rex. I did not want him to feel my death. I did not want him to feel the pain of that loss.

Little did I know, he felt it ten-fold.

My cries reached the cockpit and Manik came running to me, checking me over to make sure I wasn’t physically hurt.

“General! Are you alright?” He asked quietly. I shook my head and broke down even more, not wanting to believe that I had really severed my connection with Rex.

“It hurts Manik. It hurts so much,” I whispered and clung my battalion captain, not wanting this to be real but knowing all to well that it was.

“What hurts?” He asked and I clutched my chest.

“My heart. My head. I feel like a part of me is missing,” I continued in a hushed voice, not knowing if I could speak any louder.

“Oh general,” Manik said and held me, knowing that something happened but not wanting to pry. We both heard a groan from the other side of the hull, looking over to see Spike waking up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, before they went wide and he whipped his head around to take in his surroundings. When his eyes landed on me, he leapt up, making the short walk over to where I was and pulling me into a strong hug.

“Su cuy’gar,” He whispered to me and I nodded. I could feel his tears on my shoulder as I hugged him back.

“Yeah,” Was all I said before Chomp came from the cockpit.

“Thank god you two are awake,” he said and came over to the three of us, pulling us all into a group hug. I smiled a little, still feeling the emptiness in my heart. I sniffled and Chomp held onto us tightly, the weighted of the last few hours finally registering for us all.

“What happened?” I asked quietly as the four of us pulled away from the hug. Chomp sighed as he helped me stand, Manik and Spike following suit and we all made our way to the cockpit. Chomp sat in the pilot’s chair, Manik taking copilot and Spike and I sitting in the passenger seats.

“I woke up first, finding you and Spike unconscious on the floor. I figured something must have happened because Spike had his bucket on. I pulled up the security footage and watched everything. I almost didn’t believe what I was watching. But you saved us,” he said and Manik nodded.

“After that I got Spike into the table and finished the procedure. That’s when Manik woke up and I filled him in. He put you on the other one and scanned to make sure you weren’t hurt,” Chomp continued and Manik nodded again, looking a me with a small smile. I was grateful to my men for helping one another but also helping me.

“After I got Spike’s chip out, I helped him while Manik carried you. We were questioned by so many troopers but we played it as cool as we could. Once we made it to the hanger it was too late for them to figure out what we had done and we hijacked a shuttle and booked it,” Chomp said. I was so grateful to them for getting us out of there, still trying to process everything that went on.

“Thank you for saving me,” I said and looked at my men with adoration and gratitude. The Manik and Chomp beamed at me but Spike bowed his head in shame. I turned to him and pulled him into a hug. He tensed a little before returning the hug, looking to his brother who only showed him soft smiles.

“I don’t blame you Spike. It could have happened to anyone,” I said and spoke sighed before pulling away from the hug.

“I know. But I could have killed you,” Spoke said and Chomp placed a hand on Spike’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“But you didn’t Vod’ika. We saved her and the baby,” Chomp said and I froze. I slowly turned to look at Chomp before looking to Manik to confirm. Both of them tensed a little before Manik let out a forced chuckle.

“I…guess you didn’t know. Congrats general. You’re pregnant,” Manik said. My ears began ringing again as I pulled away from Spike and looked down at my stomach. My hands instinctively went to my stomach where, true to their word, I could sense the life growing inside me. How I hadn’t before was beyond me but I guess I never really paid much attention to it. I knew it was Rex’s baby, and that thought made my eyes water all over again.

Chomp stood up and pulled me into a hug, letting me cry on his shoulder. “It’s okay general. I’m sure Rex is okay. He’s to tough to let some chip get the best of him. What we need to do now is find a safe place to lay low and help you get ready for this baby,” Chomp said and the others agreed. I nodded and sat back down in my seat, letting Chomp, Manik and Spike take the lead.

From there everything changed. The war had ended and the Jedi were deemed traitors. They were hunted and killed; any clones who went against the order were taken to an unknown place. Chomp, Spike, Manik and I had found refuge on an independent world, the three of them helping me through the Woah’s of pregnancy the best they could. It took a long time to adjust but soon enough I had my baby. And I named him Cody after commander Cody.

Sooner or later, I came into contact with Ahsoka again. She had told me that she and Rex had survived but after a few months together she lost contact with him. I was devastated that I would not get to see him again but at least I knew he was alive for the moment. Ahsoka came and met my son, falling in love at the first sight of him. I smiled as she told me more about what happened to her during the order.

It was a difficult conversation but one that needed to be had. As the days passed, my men began going on missions of their own to find and free their brothers, moving from planet to planet trying to make a difference. I stayed at our “home” with my son, trying to raise him as best I could. As he grew, I saw more and more of Rex in him. His eyes, his smile, his hair. He was a little copy of Rex and he loved his uncles very much. I came across Kanan a few years later, welcoming him with open arms.

~End Flashback~

From there the rest is history. Spike, Chomp and Manik checked in often but they were doing their own thing now.

I always think back; the last time I spoke to Rex it was telling him how I love him and how we would run away together and have a big family. I do have a family but it still feels incomplete with him. I’m just happy I told him I love him one last time.

My eyes watered even more as I thought about it, my heart hurting and my head pulsating. I took some more deep breaths before I laid back down, shutting my eyes and trying to get a little more sleep.

~ A few Hours Later ~

I felt someone gently shaking me awake, their presence calming and warm. I smiled and I help the hand of whoever came to get me, knowing instantly that it was Ahsoka.

“Rise and shine (Y/N). There is work to be done,” she said softly and I groaned, not wanting to get up. Ahsoka laughed before I felt a weight on my chest, snuggling into me. I smiled a little more as my arms wrapped around Cody, holding him tightly to me.

“You doing okay mom? I could hear you mumbling and sniffling in your sleep,” Cody asked and I opened my eyes to look at him, seeing Rex reflected in his eyes. I nodded as I scratched his head, giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m okay ner ad,” I said and slowly sat up white Cody’s help, bringing my hand up to my chest. I could feel a dull pain in my heart, the same one I always got when I thought of my Rex. Ahsoka noticed and placed a hand on my shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. I looked up at her with a small smile, noting just how much she had grown up.

“Come on. Everyone is on the bridge of the command ship. We’ve got a new mission for you,” Ahsoka said with a hesitate smile. I paid no mind to it as we both had a lot on our minds and plates. I stood up, my arms staying wrapped around Cody as the three of us made our way to Phoenix home.

~Small Time Skip~

“The destruction of our command ship has severely limited our ability to fight the empire in this sector,” Commander Sato said as Ezra and Kanan came into the bridge of Phoenix home.

I stood next to Ahsoka against one of the adjacent walls, holding onto Cody as Commander Sato spoke.

“So maybe we don’t fight,” Ezra said sheepishly when commander Sato gave him a stern look. “Uhhh... commander Sato sir. W-when things got tough for me on Lothal, I’d go find some place to hide,” He continued, using hand gestures to convey his point and I giggled a little, remembering how Rex used to do the same thing.

“You are never shy with your opinions, Ezra Bridger,” Sato shot back, not really amused by Ezra’s words. “But establishing a base is a good idea,” Sato said and Ahsoka smiled, as if to agree but also there was something more in her eyes. I didn’t question it, just holding onto Cody and keeping quiet.

“Problem is, none of the potential bases we know of have the tactical advantage we need to protect what’s left of our fleet,” Hera said with her hands on her hips, concern evident in her voice.

“Or, aid the nearby systems suffering from imperial oppression,” Kansan said as he made his way behind Hera, the Twi’lek turning around to give him a look.

“We can’t help others if we can’t help ourselves Kanan,” Hera said, her voice conveying that it should be an obvious thought. “If only we had more allies,” Hera finished, turning back to the console.

“I know someone, who might be able to help us,” Ahsoka spoke up, hands on her hips and her tone of voice indicated to me that she was hiding something. I looked at her quizzically, but she didn’t not look at me, though she seemed to know I was staring at her. Cody looked up at me and held my hand, trying to send a wave of reassurance through the force.

“A great military commander with vast knowledge of the Outer Rim,” she said and my eyes went slightly wide. My mind went to Rex but I knew that could be possible. Ahsoka wouldn’t keep that from me. Would she?

Cody felt me tense and I couldn’t feel Kanan give me a look as my signature changed slightly, turning from calm to anxious before turning back. Cody turned around and hugged me, whispering to ask me what was wrong. I reassured my son that everything was okay, trying not to let him see my inner turmoil.

“He could assist us in finding a base, and his experienced leadership would make him a powerful ally,” Ahsoka said, moving away from the wall she stood by, making her way over to the holotable. Everyone’s eyes followed her, intrigued by her words. I stayed silent, trying not to let my intrusive thoughts overwhelm me.

“How do we recruit this…leader?” Sato asked, sounding just as much intrigued as he was cautious.

“That’s the problem. I lost track of him a long time ago, and all my transmissions have gone unanswered,” she said and stood there, arms crossed and one holding her chin in thought.

“We can find him. Let us try,” Ezra said optimistically, wanting to do what he could to help the cause.

“Well, there is one option I’ve not yet attempted,” Ahsoka said and smirked, giving Ezra a look before exiting the bridge.

~Small Time Skip~

The Ghost crew was back on board the ship, everyone making their way to the bridge for Ahsoka’s ‘test’. I sent Cody with Ezra and Sabine, making my way to my room to meditate. I had a feeling I knew what Ahsoka was planning but I didn’t want to believe it.

He’s gone. Even if he is alive, you severed your bond. You lost the right to call him yours.

My thoughts swirled as I sat on the floor of mine and Cody’s cabin, trying desperately to get my emotions under control.

~On the bridge~

Chopper beeped out that he had a bad feeling about this, moving away from one of the consoles as the rest of the crew came on. Hera was preparing the Ghost to receive the information when Ahsoka made her way into the cockpit. She was carrying a droid head, smiling softly at Cody’s small exclamation of wonder.

“Is that…the head of an old tactical droid?” Kanan asked, amazed and sceptical.

“These droids were great at finding things, calculating,” Ahsoka said as she handed the head off to Sabine. She scoffed slightly as she thought back to the Clone Wars. “Found my master and I a few times when we didn’t want to be found,” She finished, looking at Kanan before looking to Sabine and Ezra.

“How in all the galaxy is that droid gonna find your friend?” Ezra asked, leaning over towards Sabine to get a better look at the droid head. After Ezra’s question, he, Hera and Sabine all looked to Ahsoka, all wondering the same thing.

Chopper beeped and looked over at Ezra sassily, putting his mechanical arms on his “hips”.

“Well,” Ahsoka started, looking at Ezra to answer his question. “I heard he was last seen in the Seelos system.” She said and turned back towards the door to the cockpit. “You can start there.” She finished.

“You’re not coming with us?” Cody asked and stood up, reaching for Ahsoka.

Ahsoka smiled at the young boy and ruffled his hair before pulling him into a hug. “Not on this mission Cody,” she said and Cody pouted a little, not wanting to let go of his aunt just yet. After another minute he let Ahsoka go.

“I have something else to attend to,” She replied and looked at Ezra over her shoulder.

“The Sith Lord,” Kanan said, no question needed as to what Ahsoka was looking for. This conversation was one that needed to be had with (Y/N) present so Kanan turned to Cody.

“Cody where’s your mom?” Kanan asked softly, placing a hand on the young boy’s shoulder. Cody looked at Kanan before looking to the door leading out of the cockpit.

“She went to our room. I don’t think she’s feeling very well,” Cody said and looked to Kanan then Ahsoka. Both gave each other a look that Cody noticed.

“What’s wrong?” Cody said and Ahsoka sighed before giving Cody a small smile.

“It’s nothing ad’ika. Your mom will be okay.” Ahsoka said. Cody looked at her sceptically for a moment before dropping it. Kanan took his hand off Cody’s shoulder, giving the young boy a smile.

“I’m going to check on her,” Cody said and before anyone could protest, he made his way out of the cockpit and to the cabin he shared with his mother.

~The Ghost Crew~

“There are questions, questions that need answering,” Ahsoka said and looked at Kanan over her other shoulder.

“I wish we could go with you,” Ezra expressed, feeling a little disappointed that he, Kanan and (Y/N) couldn’t go with her to get answers about the Sith Lord.

“You have your own mission, Ezra,” she said and turned back to fully look at him and the rest of the crew before turning and addressing Kanan.

“And Kanan, if you find my friend, you must trust him,” Ahsoka said sternly which caused Ezra to look at her with concern.

“If he’s all the things you say, we can’t afford not to,” Kanan said with a hint of sarcasm, smirking at Ahsoka before it vanished. He could tell she was being serious.

“Trust him, and listen to (Y/N),” Ahsoka repeated again, emphasizing her point as the cockpit doors closed.

“What was that about?” Ezra asked Kanan

“I have no idea,” Kanan said exasperatedly.

~Reader~

Cody opened the door to the cabin, the sight that greeted him was one that hurt his heart. His mother sat there on her cot, tears slowly trailing down her face as she turned something over in her hand.

“Buir?” Cody asked and I looked up at him, startled by his sudden appearance.

“Cody,” I said as I wiped my tears, trying to compose myself for my son. “What’s up kiddo? I thought you were in the cockpit with the rest of the crew,” I asked and Cody walked in, making sure to close the door and lock it behind him as he came and sat on my cot.

“Talk to me mom. Please? There is obviously something on your mind and I want to help in anyway I can,” Cody said quietly and leaned his head on my shoulder. I tensed for a moment before letting out a shaky sigh, taking Cody’s hand in mine.

“I was thinking about your father,” I said softly, lifting my head and tilting it back, trying not to tear up again, Cody looked at me with wide eyes, knowing that this was a topic that I had only talked about a handful of times.

“What about dad?” He asked and I let a ghost of a smile grace my face.

“He was my world. He was everything to me,” I started and Cody turned his full attention to listen, knowing this might be the only time he gets to hear about his father in depth.

“We met at the start of the war. I was the general of a different battalion but we worked closely with the 501st legion. That’s how I met your father, Rex. I knew Anakin, the 501st legions general, because he and I were best friends. I was one of the first people to welcome him when he came to the temple. Anakin was always confident and cocky. He was an amazing friend and when he introduced me to Rex, it was love at first sight. It was against the Jedi code for Jedi to form attachments and it was against regulations for clones to fall in love, much less with a Jedi. We couldn’t be together but we didn’t care. We started our relationship around the one year mark of the war and we had remained in contact ever since. I got my own apartment outside of the temple so that Rex and I could spend time together, away from prying eyes. We made it work very well. We had our ups and downs as all couples do but we remained united,” I said and uncurled my hand, revealing the necklace Rex had given me.

“This was a gift to me from your father. He gave it to me the last time we saw each other face to face before the end of the war. It wasn’t easy for him to get but he told me I was worth it,” Cody’s mouth formed oh shape, finally knowing the meaning and value of the necklace he had seen many times.

“It’s the last piece of your father I have, besides you,” I finished and looked at the necklace in my hand, running my thumb over the sapphire gem just as I did all those years ago. Cody took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“What happened to him?” Cody asked tentatively and I sighed, knowing that this time would come.

“I don’t know. I lost contact with him when the war ended. I severed our bond,” I said and Cody gasped. He knew what that meant, having been taught about force bonds by Ahsoka, Kanan and myself. He let go of my hand and instead gave me a hug, hiding his face in my neck to comfort me. I sighed as I hugged my son close, tears falling once again as I thought more about Rex.

“Is that why you get random chest pains whenever you think about dad?” Cody asked quietly and I nodded, feeling him hold me a little tighter.

“I broke our bond because I thought I was going to die. When order 66 was given, I thought I was dead. And I didn’t want Rex to feel that pain so I thought it would be easier to sever our connection. But I didn’t die. Uncle Chomp and Uncle Manik saved me and Uncle Spike. They made sure I was taken care of until you came and they stuck around to help me raise you. I always thought your father died. I always assumed he did because it made it easier to move on. It sounds cruel I know, but I needed to be strong for you ner ad,” I said and Cody pulled away from the hug to look at me.

“I’m sure he’s out there somewhere mom. We’ll find him. I promise,” Cody said with a fierce determination, making me smile with watery eyes. “Remember my vision from earlier?” Cody asked and I nodded.

“That’s how I know he’s alive and I’m sure he’s waiting for you to find him. He’s waiting to reunite with you. I can feel it,” Cody said passionately and I looked down at my lap, thinking about Cody’s words.

“You remind me so much of your father and I couldn’t be prouder of you, ner ad,” I said and Cody smiled, giving me another hug. When we pulled away, he took the necklace from my hand and crawled on my bed behind me, placing the necklace back in its rightful place. I smiled and wiped my tears as Cody came back around in front of me.

“We’ll find him mom. Don’t worry. If what you told me is true, he’s a fighter and he wouldn’t go down that easy,” Cody said and I nodded, a soft ‘okay’ leaving my lips. Cody gave me a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his lightsaber from one of the storage drawers, and taking my hand. He pulled me up and began leading us to the cockpit. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed since the briefing but it had been a little while because we were in hyperspace.

The door whooshed opened and all eyes turned to me and Cody, Kanan standing up and coming over to give me a hug.

“You feel better?” He asked and I nodded, placing my hand on Cody’s head and fluffing his hair.

“Mommmm,” Cody whined and I laughed, the others laughing as well.

“Where are we headed?” I asked and looked to Hera for an answer.

“The Seelos system. That’s where Ahsoka said to start,” Hera responded and I nodded, watching as hyperspace flew right by us.

~Time skip~

Chopper beeped out an ‘uhoh’ as the alarm started going off, one of the control panels sparking and catching fire.

“We get all the way to Seelos and now you tell me the hyperdrive wasn’t completely fixed?!” Hera growled at her droid.

Chopper beeped out sarcastically and Hera threw her arms up as I covered my mouth, trying not to laugh. Hera glared at me which made me laugh even louder.

“You finished the important repairs? How did you define “important”?!” Hera yelled as she turned back to Chopper. Kanan heard the commotion and came up from the common space on the ghost.

“What’s going on?” He asked, wondering why Hera was so mad the alarms were blaring. I laughed and got up, making my way over to Kanan.

“Chopper didn’t fix the hyperdrive properly,” I said and Kanan rolled his eyes, mumbling and ‘of course not’.

“Chopper and I are staying here,” Hera said and grunted as another fuse blew. “To clean up his mess,” She finished and Chopper chirped in protest that it wasn’t his fault.

“Take the phantom!” Hera said as she tried to get the situation under control. “Hopefully we’ll be ready to go by the time you get back,” she said sarcastically, pushing a few buttons on the control panel.

Kanan looked at her and rolled his eyes before looking at me, nodding as he slid down the ladder. I followed soon after, giving Hera a small wave as I went. I got down the ladder as everyone was making their way to the phantom, getting ready for our departure.

“You going to bring Cody?” Kanan asked and I nodded, turning towards mine and Cody’s cabin.

The door opened to reveal my son, lying on the upper cot, a smile on his sleeping face. I smiled as I climbed up the ladder and shook his shoulder gently, coxing him from his sleep.

“Cody? Time to get up sweetheart,” I said and Cody stirred, yawning as he looked at me.

“Hi mom,” he said and sat up, wrapping his arms around me. He buried his face in my neck, holding me a little tighter than usual.

“What’s wrong Cody?” I asked and stroked his hair. He sighed and pulled away before giving me a smile.

“I had another dream about dad. It was a good one.” He said and my eyes began to water.

“I’m sure it was honey. Your father was a great man. and I’m sure if he were here, he would’ve been an amazing father,” I said and Cody wiped my eyes for me.

“We’ll find him mom. He’s out there. I can feel it,” Cody said and I nodded at his optimism. I could sense it too. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case I was wrong for believing we were close to Rex.

“Let’s get going. We’re taking the phantom cause Chopper didn’t properly fix the hyperdrive.” I said and Cody rolled his eyes.

“Of course he didn’t,” he said and moved towards the ladder. I hopped down first before Cody followed, both of us making our way to the ladder of the Phantom and climbing up.

The phantom detached from the ghost smoothly, Kanan piloting her like a pro. I smiled as I sat with Cody across from Zeb, the Lasot making faces as Cody laughed like a young child. Zeb was like an older brother to Cody and they always had fun together, getting into trouble and teasing Ezra. It was always amusing to watch, seeing as they all grew to be like family.

Sabine held the tactical droid head in her hands and made her way over to Kanan as we flew through the atmosphere towards the surface of Seelos. I watched from where I sat, the blue sky and cracked ground making the planet seem beautiful in a deserted type of way.

Cody looked at me and I nodded before he got up and made his way over to Ezra and Kanan, Sabine plugging in the head to the computer of the phantom. It whirled for a moment as Sabine said to no one in particular, “Well, let’s fire this thing up,” She placed it on the control panel and the head began to warble. Cody was fascinated with the droid, not really having seen one as important or deadly as this one.

“I think it’s scanning for a signal of some kind,” Sabine said as she held onto the pilot’s seats, Kanan’s brows scrunching together.

“Good luck. You could really get lost out here,” Ezra said, glaring out the cockpit window towards the drab looking grounds bellow.

“Maybe that was the idea,” Zeb started, kind of throwing his arms up in the air. “What if this great commander were looking for doesn’t want to be found?” He speculated and to me, that made a lot of sense. Ezra must have thought the same thing because his face shifted from confused to cautious to understanding to curiosity as he looked out the window again.

I could sense a very familiar presence, almost like it was dancing with me. I looked down and closed my eyes, trying not to reach out but desperately wanting to.

I had closed parts of myself off from the force for years because of the grief of loosing everything I knew. It was only recently, when Cody turned 10, that I opened myself up, making my sense of the force still very wonky.

Zeb placed one of his hands on my knee, knowing that when I did this, I could feel something. Cody came over to me to and wrapped his arms around me, also feeling that something was off with me.

“What’s wrong mom?” He said and I didn’t respond, not wanting to throw myself into another panic attack. I just kept my eyes closed, taking deep breathes, tuning out everything I could, even when the tactical droid began beeping and chiming a number I had heard many times before.

“7567…7567…7,”

“It’s homing in on something,” Sabine said and she and Ezra leaned in a little more, Kanan’s brows still furrowed. Cody gave me one more gentle squeeze and went back over to Ezra, also wanting to see what was being found.

“7567,”

“7567…7567…7567,”

Zeb got up from where he sat, making his way over to the pilot’s seat and looking out the window. I stayed putting, trying my best to meditate and work through my thoughts and feelings. I could sense them. There were three life forms on the surface. Two very familiar and one I had only met a handful of times. I didn’t let myself hope though even when all the evidence was there

“There! Up ahead!” Zeb said eagerly, pushing Ezra, Sabine and Kanan a little too forcefully to get his point across. There was an old republic AT-TE walker, moving slowly across the ground. I stayed unmoving, not wanting to open my eyes.

“Whoa….” Ezra and Cody said together, both admiring the monster of a vehicle the tank was. Sabine gasped at the colourful makeshift patio that rested on top, admiring the craftsmanship of it.

“Now, that is a work of art,” she said and that made me smile a little, still in my own world.

“Looks like an old republic tank,” Kanan said cautiously, not wanting to believe who could be riding in that tank, “used during the Clone wars,” Kanan snarled as he finished his whispered words. My eyes squeezed shut even more, not wanting Kanan’s negativity to influence my thoughts.

“7567...”

The tank came to a hault as the Phantom landed towards the rear, everyone moving to exit the ship. Cody came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“We’re here mom,” he said quietly and I nodded, acknowledging that we had landed.

“You coming (Y/N)?” Kanan asked and I shook my head, my mind still piecing everything together. Zeb opened the hatch and led Sabine and Ezra out.

“Let’s go Cody, leave your mom to meditate. She’s going through a lot. And be on guard,” Kanan said as he ushered Cody out. He looked back at me but I kept me head down, the things I was feeling becoming overwhelming.

The hatch remained opened behind Cody and Kanan as Kanan also warned Ezra to be on guard. I could feel the force pulling me towards my past, wanting me to reflect, wanting me to open back up fully. I was afraid because I knew now what awaited me outside the door. I could feel his life force, just as strong as the day we met, still slightly fractured from the day I severed our bond.

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt a weight being lifted, the force surging through me like an old friend not forgotten. I smiled as I felt it but that smile was quickly wiped away as I heard blaster fire. I unclipped my saber from its place on my hip and opened the hatch of the phantom, ready to defend my friends on both sides.

~Outside~

The group walked up toward the tank, the makeshift windchimes ringing as the group waited. Cody made his way to the front of the group with Ezra, even against Kanan’s silent protests. The back door to the AT-TE opened to reveal three older looking men, all looking the same but also different.

Cody felt a serge in the force, one so strong it took his breath away. He held a hand to his chest as he started at the man in the front of the group. This man was familiar and Cody knew it had to be someone special. He knew this man. Zeb broke him out of his internal battle with the force by scoffing and rolling his eyes.

“It’s just a bunch of old geezers,” he said and crossed his arms.

“Well armed old geezers,” Sabine added, admiring the weaponry the men were sporting.

“What do you want?” The first man called to the group and Cody took hold of Zeb’s arm, trying to balance himself as another serge from the force took his breath again and made his heart race.

“We’re looking for someone,” Kanan said sceptically, calling back to the men.

“Well, that’s too bad, ‘cause there’s nobody out here,” The man said, leaning against the railing of the tank. Ezra stepped up, Cody moving to stand with him but still staying back. He needed to know if he was right.

“Hey, uh, does the number 7567 mean anything to you?” Ezra asked carefully, holding his hand up a little, holding Cody back from being up front.

“What did you just say?” The first man snarled, the ones flanking him raising their weapons defensively.

“Uh, I said 7567,” Ezra repeated cautiously, Cody moving from behind his hand to step up in front of the group.

“I haven’t heard those digits in…well that’s my birth number!” The man said and Cody finally took a stand as Ezra thought to himself what ‘birth number’ could mean.

“Buir?” Cody said and stared at the man in front, all three visibly tensing at the use of Mando’a and the term used. Before anything else could be said, Kanan snarled.

“They’re clones!” He said and pushed Ezra and Cody back, Cody falling with the force of it as Kanan ignited his lightsaber to defend the group.

The three men were snapped out of their shock of a child speaking Mando’a, instead turning fully defensive at the Jedi.

“Kanan, wait. Stop!” Cody yelled but Kanan didn’t listen.

“Jedi! They’ve come for revenge,” The clone with the scar over his left eye yelped and immediately began firing at Kanan.

“Drop the blaster old man,” Zeb yelled back as he and Sabine took out their weapons.

“Don’t try it boyo! I’ll gun you down,” The man in the blue shirt said in response, taking aim at the group.

“Stand down troopers. Now! That’s an order Soldier,” The front man said, pushing the others blasters towards the ground.

“Sha’kaji al’verde!” A voice boomed and everyone turned to see (Y/N), holding her (L/C) lightsaber in her hand. Cody stood up quickly and ran to his mother, wrapping his arms around her. She placed her free hand around her son but her eyes never left those of the captain.

All three men were just as shocked, their weapons dropping immediately. The rest of the Ghost crew looked at me, their weapons still slightly raised and Kanan’s saber still ignited.

“Stow your weapons,” I said to Zeb and Sabine, moving up towards the tank slowly.

“But...” Zeb began but I gave him a sharp look. Zeb backed off, knowing that when I had that look, I wasn’t playing. Sabine did the same, not wanting to be on the receiving end.

“Stow. Your. Weapons. That’s an order,” I said sternly and once they did, I turned my eyes on Kanan.

“Lower your weapon Kanan. Now,” I said in the same tone. Kanan didn’t and he turned to glare at me but my glare was just as hard, if not harder.

“You forget your place Kanan. Lower your saber now or I will have no choice but to take it,” I said, my voice dripping with venom. Zeb, Ezra and Sabine all stared in shock at my tone, knowing that I meant business.

Kanan stopped for another moment before he finally retracted his saber, placing it on his belt and backing away to give me some space. I did the same, retracting my saber and placing it back on my hip, my arm never leaving Cody as we made our way to the tank. I looked up and stared at the three fine men, Commander Wolffe, Commander Gregor and my love, Captain Rex.

All three stood there, shocked and unmoving, Rex’s eyes never leaving mine. My eyes were beginning to water and I could tell by Cody’s hold on me that he knew who this man was. I watched as Rex’s eyes flicked down from mine, noticing the necklace that I wore. The same necklace her gave to me that night in my apartment so many years ago. He then met my eyes again, still at a loss for words.

“Udes verde,” I said quietly. All three of them stood at attention before standing at ease, Rex’s mouth opening and closing like a fish. I smiled as I watched his lost for word expression, tears beginning to stream down my cheeks. Cody looked up at me and then to Rex, putting the pieces of the puzzle in the right place.

“Mom?” He asked and I saw Rex’s eyes widen even further, Wolffe and Gregor looking to the captain and then back at us.

“Su cuy’gar ner alor’ad,” I said and Rex finally took a breath, tears leaving his eyes as well.

“Ner cyar’ika,” He whispered and I nodded, giving Cody a kiss on the forehead before I let go of him, taking a step and jumping up to the platform of the tank, landing right in front of Rex as he backed up to give me room. It didn’t take a second before he was on me, holding me close and kissing me like there was not tomorrow.

I reciprocated just as quickly, holding his face in my hands and caressing his beard, smiling into the kiss. Rex smiled with me as we pulled away, leaning his forehead against mine.

“I thought I lost you, ner cyare,” Rex said tearfully and I nodded, my eyes watering just as much.

“I’ll explain it all Rex I promise,” I said and kissed him again, pulling him impossibly closer. It was as if the rest of the world didn’t exist besides the two of us at the moment, rebuilding the bond that was broken and making up for lost time. We pulled away panting, both of us laughing and crying at finally being reunited.

I turned and looked down at the rest of the crew, Sabine, Zeb and Ezra were smiling softly, giving me thumbs up and claps. Kanan stood to the back of the group, looking at Rex and then me apprehensively, but not saying anything. Cody had a huge smile on his face, finally getting to see his father.

“Come up here ner ad,” And Cody nodded, doing as I did and jumping on to the platform. Wolffe and Gregor made room as Cody hopped up, the rest of the ghost crew loading into the Phantom and lifting off, landing the ship gently on top of the AT-TE.

“Rex, my love,” I started holding Rex’s hand as Cody came up to us. Rex looked at me and then back at Cody, staring at him with wide eyes.

“He’s ours?” Rex whispered and I nodded, my eyes watering again as Rex broke out into sobs, pulling Cody in for a big hug. Cody smiled as he reciprocated the hug, holding on to his long-lost father. They stayed like that for a little longer which gave me a chance to turn around and pull Wolffe into a hug, the commander dropping his second gun and immediately returning it. Gregor came over to us and did the same, giving me a hug as Cody and Rex pulled away.

“It’s so good to see you all alive,” I said tearfully and Woffle wiped his own tears, Gregor giving a huge smile.

“You too general,” Woffle said and Gregor laughed in agreement.

“What’s your name Son?” Rex said as he knelt down so that he was a little more level with Cody. I walked over a placed a hand on Cody’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze and he smiled at me. He turned back to look at Rex and with a childlike smile her told him.

“My name is Cody (L/N),” He said proudly and Rex’s eyes went wide again as the Ghost crew dismounted from the phantom, coming to a stop around our group. Rex turned and looked at me as I smiled with teary eyes before he turned back to Cody.

“Do you know who you got your name from son?” He asked quietly and Cody nodded again.

“Commander Cody of the 212th clone battalion. A great soldier, a born leader and a great friend of my dad,” Cody said, echoing something I had told him many years ago. Rex nodded and pulled Cody into another hug, lifting him up and pulling me into a hug as well. We were a family reunited after so many years apart and I couldn’t be happier.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum ner cyar’ika,” Rex said and I smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum ner alor’ad,” I replied and Cody smiled before he patted Rex’s shoulder to let him down. Rex did so immediately, instead latching on to me and holding me tightly as if I would disappear at any moment.

“Dad?” Cody asked and Rex responded with ‘yes Cody?’

“I want you to meet my friends,” he said and walked over to the ghost crew who at this point had been watching our reunion with smiles. Kanan still had a sour look on his face but I don’t think he could deny that I was happy. As Cody introduced Rex, Wolffe, and Gregor to the crew I couldn’t help but smile. Rex had only found out he was a father ten minutes ago and he had already taken to the role like it was natural for him.

I smiled at my family, finally reunited after so long apart. I’d have to have a word with Ahsoka about this but for now, I wanted to enjoy the moment.

—————

Thank you so much for reading! Please drop a like if you enjoyed this story and let me know if there’s anything else you’d like for me to write about!

I will try to update every week around noon on Wednesdays or Thursdays! But please be patient with me, I’m going through some health stuff as well as working so I will write and update when I can!

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Situation Room

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a mission almost gone wrong, Tony brings back Bucky's former assistant, who is also Bucky's ex. Can they work together without hurting each other? Will the whole truth about their break up finally come out?

Avengers AU where Thanos never happened.

Chapter 9

Warnings: swearing, angst

Radar tossed and turned all night, the session with Raynor had brought back so many memories that she had worked for years to bury.

Even Bucky didn't know many of the details of her past, just the major plot points.

She still believed deep down that she bore some responsibility for all of her troubles. That she could have done something different, or not done something, to have a better outcome.

Bucky didn't know that either and Dr Raynor had only reinforced that belief, making her feel like she was weak and a coward for leaving when things went bad.

At 3am she gave up and took a shower before going to the kitchen for something warm to drink, hoping it would help her relax. Of course, Bucky was already there.

Without a word he poured some of the cocoa he made into a mug for her, topping it off with some whipped cream.

Once she sat down and took a sip, he broke the silence "Are you ok, doll?"

Radar looked at him sadly, shrugging as she nodded "Sure. I'm still here, sometimes that's the best I can do."

Bucky nodded in understanding "Nightmares?"

"Yeah, your shrink is kind of a bitch and brought back a lot of memories I've tried to force down."

"I'm sorry, doll. She's got some tough love act that seems to make things worse before they get better. I shouldn't have asked you to come with me so soon."

Radar shook her head "It's not entirely on her, I have a lot of baggage. Most that you don't even know about."

She sighed "I don't know, it's stuff I've never told anyone else about but maybe that's part of my problem."

He nodded, "I understand, I'm not good at sharing my shit either, don't want to be a burden. But I'm here and I'll listen, anytime you need me. I know I fucked up taking John and Sharon's word about what I thought happened and I won't let that happen again."

She gave him a small smile "Yeah? I guess that's a start."

Then proceeded to fill in all the blanks that he didn't know about her past.

***Flashback***

Her father died in a terrible car accident when she was 7, or so they said. When she got older she realized there was something off about the whole situation, they said his brakes failed but he'd just had his car serviced.

It didn't take long for her mother to finish mourning him and find someone new. Not even a month.

Her half brother, Christopher, was born less than 6 months later. Y/N didn't understand the implications of the details until she was older.

The abuse from her stepfather, Rick, was just as much emotional as it was physical. Until she was 14 and it all came to a head.

It was a Friday night, her mother having a girls night out with her drinking buddies. Rick was working, he was a bartender at the local police watering hole. Her little brother, Christopher- 4 years old, was asleep in his room.

Y/N had a friend sleeping over, Diana, and they were hanging out, listening to music and talking about the boys they liked, Dave and his friend Will. When there was a knock at the front door, Y/N looked thru the peephole and saw the boys in question, making her giggle. She looked over at Diana, nodding with a grin on her face before opening the door.

The boys entered the house, hugging both girls.

"I'm not supposed to have boys over when my mom isn't home but you guys can hang out for a little bit."

They talked and Y/N danced with Dave while Diana and Will chatted on the couch. Dave leaned in to kiss Y/N when the front door slammed open, making her jump. It was Rick, spoiling things like he always did.

Rick looked at them and started yelling at Y/N before chasing Will and Dave out of the house.

When he came back inside, he pushed her up against the wall "Just wait, you little bitch. I'll tell your mom about this and you'll be grounded until you graduate."

He then went into a rant, telling her how awful her father was and how she'd be a loser like him.

Y/N was near tears as Rick threw every vile name and insult he could think of, at her "Why can't you just leave me alone, Rick?"

Rick laughed "I'll leave you alone when you get the fuck out of my house."

She shook her head "It's not your house, my dad bought this house!"

He scoffed "Details. I'm the man of this house now and you goddamn well better listen when I gave you an order. Now. Get. Out! Or I'll pick your ass up and throw you out."

She went to her room and filled her duffle bag with her clothes and her favorite items from the bathroom, she didn't have much. A plush Winnie the Pooh that her father had given her when she was little and a few pictures of him were the most precious. Then she drew a crayon stick figure picture of her and her brother with a heart around it and hid it in his favorite toy truck.

Diana's dad was waiting out front for them, having hurried over when his daughter called him.

Y/N spent the night at her friends house and woke up to hear Rick yelling at Diana's dad, Ernie. Ernie let Y/Ns mom inside to talk but stayed outside with Rick. An hour later her mother left with Rick, after telling Y/N that she wasn't welcome in her home anymore.

After that, Diana's parents took her in and took care of her until she finished school. She graduated high school and completed an associates degree online before enlisting at 19.

She hadn't told Bucky the whole story. He knew she had an abusive stepfather and enabler mother and that she enlisted to get away. She had told him bits and pieces of her childhood but said they had all died in the crash that killed her little brother, Christopher.

Her mother and Rick were still alive, still together to this day. His drinking and cheating were all out in the open because after he had served almost 10 years for DUI manslaughter in Christopher's death and her mother had been waiting for him he knew she would stay no matter what he did. Besides she had a decent job and it was hard for an ex-con to find work. He stayed home drinking and watching TV except when he was out drinking and taking random women to cheap motels. Often returning home reeking of alcohol and other women but his wife said nothing.

Radar's friends back home always gave her the local gossip and her parents were always one of the top 10 subjects.

Her dreams had been full of her little brother and the accident that killed him.

Her mother had been holding Christopher in her lap in the front seat, no car seat, and the airbag broke his neck, killing him instantly. Somehow her mother and stepfather had survived barely harmed but she only hated them more. There had been charges filed and her mother spent a short time in jail but nowhere near what Radar thought she deserved. The jury fell for her crocodile tears, even though Rick went down for it.

It would have been bad enough if the trauma ended there but she often felt like it followed her around, her own black cloud.

Y/N hadn't told Bucky all of the cruel and humiliating things John had done that lead to her leaving the Army. Drugging her wasn't a new thing for John when he helped destroy her relationship with Bucky, except it had been worse.

When they were together, he would drug her, then take advantage of her and let his friends have a turn. She didn't know until she found the pictures, that were so much worse than what Sharon showed Bucky.

John insisted that if she loved him, she would do whatever it took to make him happy.

Their C.O. had waved it all off as normal couple issues that were being exaggerated by a hysterical woman.

Then Radar had been passed over for a promotion that was promised and past due, and another, making her realize that making a complaint about her unit's golden boy had put a target on her back.

After they broke up, she received orders for her new assignment in the Arizona desert and had enough. As soon as she moved there, she spoke to the C.O. about resigning when her current enlistment term ended in 18 months. Her new C.O. was a woman and understood, regretfully accepting her letter of resignation and writing a recommendation for the CIA.

The CIA had been great for her, feeling like she was still serving the people and being useful, until her back injury. She wasn't made for desk duty and hadn't intended for her friendship to become romantic but the thrill of keeping an affair with her supervisor secret gave a similar rush to putting herself in danger in the field. Until they were discovered.

Of course her supervisor was given the opportunity to keep her job and title but Radar, being lower in the pecking order was let go.

Looking back she knew she was lucky that her service record kept them from blackballing her completely and she was recruited by Nick Fury to help rebuild SHIELD into SWORD.

***END Flashback***

Radar was exhausted after spilling the details of her past but she felt somehow lighter for having shared that burden.

Bucky held her as she cried, rubbing her back and murmuring softly into her hair "its ok, doll. I've gotchu. I'm right here."

He pushed down the rage inside him, wishing Steve hadn't pulled him away from Walker. He didn't want Rader to feel it and put it aside to deal with later.

When her crying calmed, Radar looked up at Bucky with red eyes "You see? Raynor is right. I'm a coward who runs away when things get rough."

Bucky shook his head "No! That's not true. You tried to fix things, make them better and when it didn't work you were brave enough to walk away and start over. Sounds like real courage to me."

They talked for a short while longer until Radar fell asleep against his shoulder. He tried not to chuckle when he heard her soft snores and stretched his legs out before falling asleep himself.

@unaxv @calwitch @buckitostan @cjand10 . @vicmc624 @sandrab02

Chapter 10

[numptypylon]

“Rayla is… not my lovebug.”

“Oh ho, now?" Nyx leaned obnoxiously close, her eyebrows raising. "Have you told her that?”

“She told me," Callum said, angry all over again suddenly that... she actually hadn't told him that and yet they weren't- "So I’m tentatively assuming that she knows.”

“Oh ho? So she broke up with you and yet you’re still adventuring together, risking your lives for each other, making love eyes at each other at every opportunity… ah, to be young and in love and a garbage fire of collective awkwardness of such radiance as to light up the heavens-”

“Yeah!” Ezran agreed, walking up to them. Oh no. Hopefully Nyx would tone down the… everything… around an 11-year-old, but… considering he had been 14 himself when he’d first encountered Nyx, he didn’t have high hopes. “It’s gross and they’re so dumb, and here I am, a doomed onlooker!"

“You got the family braincell, I see,” Nyx said, winking at Ezran.

Ezran nodded sagely. “My blessing and my curse, ‘tis true.”

Really?! Did Ez really have to form an alliance with every new person they met to tag-team roast him?!

Nyx turned away from Ezran, her unwanted attention firmly back on him now. “I still need the full status update on my favorite dysfunctional lovebugs!” Nyx would keep prodding, and Callum didn’t want her to prod Rayla- “You know there’s another ex-lovebug who could tell me-“ Did he just curse that idea into Nyx’s head?! “But you’re currently the less puke-smelling option, so…"

Nyx really didn't subscribe to the idea of sensitive subjects you should keep your trap shut about.

“We… broke up. Like you said.” One way to say it. But he wasn’t giving Nyx any ammunition to use against Rayla. “Then made up. Kind of. We’re friends, just not… lovebugs.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“What friends do you have?” Ezran asked, all wide-eyed, vicious innocence. “Do you not consider friendship a benefit?”

“Hey!” Nyx looked insulted. “I thought we were allies against yon magus of maladroit you tragically must call brother?”

“My allegiances are many and inscrutable!” Ez stuck his tongue out at Nyx.

“’Allegiances’? ’Inscrutable’? Sheesh, kid, how old are you? And what awful, terrible company do you keep?!”

“11. And… politicians.”

“Oh no, you’re serious?! Oh kid, the depths of my condolences is one of them yawning chasms of endless screaming-“

“Oi?!” Villads yelled. “Matey? Riggin’ snagged!”

“I don’t hold court with betrayers, anyway,” Nyx said, incredibly hypocritically for someone who’d stranded them in a desert, and she pushed off the deck and was airborne, heading off towards the center mast.

“What is the benefit of being ‘friends with benefits’?” Ezran asked, looking around to Callum and then Soren, who had just arrived with Hat perched on his head. “The friendship is pretty obviously a benefit of being friends without having to say it, so I know it isn’t that, I just said that because Nyx was being mean.”

“Oh, I know!” Soren said, eagerly. “It’s s-“

“Sandwiches!” Callum cut him off. “Sandwiches, Soren! Remember?”

“Riiiiight!” Soren winked, exaggeratedly. “Sandwiches. Got it. Corvus makes the best bread sandwich, extra mayonnaise-“

“Please, Soren,” Callum choked. “Please, let’s… talk about something else. Anything else. Please.”

———

Excerpt from an upcoming chapter of my S4-6 between-canon-episodes fic, Downtime’s Up (successor to my S1-3 between-canon-scenes fics Downtime in Wartime and Upside Downtime)

It’s wednesday and I have many wips I want to work on and no time, but I DO also have a lot of stuff written and not posted, so… hope you enjoyed some overgrown pigeon time and depraved sandwich innuendos. Once I get past the next 4 chapters of Downtime’s Up, I have most of the rest of the story written, just… it’s been rough going to write anything lately

[lov3-from-loserlane]

Thank you for giving us cringe MCs, I fear too many people focus on the angst forgetting is...well... teenagers lmao. Not that what Qiu and Tama are going through isn't valid but is like they're dealing with very normal teen emotions in a very teen manner and, it is kinda cringe because 14 year olds are cringe. Am I making sense in this ? I fear I'm not lmao but anyways

thank you for delivering 🙏, I need more cringe olnf posts in my life

You are making so much sense, don’t even worry about it.

And THANK YOU ^_^

jeez you guyzzzz, you have got to stop being so nice to me or I fear it will go straight to my head 🤭

But I mean yeah, it’s kind of cathartic in a way? Not to sound pretentious about my method of enjoying this visual novel in my head or anything, how could I ever hahahha. Me? Pretentious???

But yeah, I mean I lived this life. OLNF is very relatable to me, so now that I’m older and can look upon my incredibly embarrassing 14-year-old experience more fondly, I love incorporating that kinda stuff into what I do. It’s just a lot of fun. And I mean, I’m fr just scratching the surface here with that one post in full honesty, I plan to make even more silly artwork on the subject 😼 I have like a note where I brainstorm stuff for when I get more time and it’s constantly growing. (It gets worse). (I reread my diary from when I was 13-15 😬)

But I mean, I can’t say I don’t also have my mind on the angst. Just so far only privately and in DMs for those who have asked. But it’s like you said, what Qiu and Tamarack are going through is so valid but so quintessential to the early teen experience, so it is inherently kind of cringe. But in a really good and real way and I love it for that. So, I’d like to at some point tackle the part of the venn diagram where “angst” and “cringe” meet.

I dunno, I’d definitely like to write a fic at some point too ^_^ I used to write them all the time when I was, get this, ✨14 years old✨ but I haven’t really completed one since 2019.

But as if I haven’t said enough already, thanks again 😌💗 it really means a lot to me, all you guys in the our life fandom are so so awesome!! Truly, it’s outstanding. I love being part of this community <3