#Fitz you got a wife

[sydcarmyfan]

Between Fitz and Carmy, who made the most wild statement?

Carmy to Syd: You deserve my full focus

Fitz to Liv: Sit with me and watch me choose you. Watch me earn you.

[overheard-on-base]

I love Scarecrow he is my wife...

Also do you have a cat and/or a Blahaj?

Unfortunately I'm alergic to cat fur but we do have a Blahaj, his name is Jeremiah and he sleeps on my side of the bed when I'm away for work

[dilfscvm]

Fitzgerald Grant x Female! Reader

Hi! This is my own work, I wrote it and I much don't like to have it posted in other social media flatforms without my permission.

WARNINGS : This contains smut, if you don't like such content please skip it and don't read it. Vulgar words has been used also. Do excuse my grammatical errors and typos, correct me nicely or else I'll block block you. English is not my first language:)) Enjoy reading!<33

Special thanks to the owner of this gif<3

“I told you to stay away from him!” Fitz yells at you, he's in the pit of rage and you know you just crossed the line.

Making him jealous because you wanted to make him pay at what he did to you a week ago. He thought you got over it, but looks like his naughty wife has a better plan. And that is to make him angry. What's on his mind right now?

I'll get you bend over this dining table, fuck you and breed you.

That's what his brain tells him to do. You're his property, you're his and he doesn't like to share. And you absolutely knew it. That's why you make everything on planned.

"I'm sorry, but you really need to stop working." Fitz firmly stated, you're shocked at his sudden statement.

"W-what?" you scoffed.

"I said... I want you to stop working." he repeats as he slowly strode over you, like a lion ready to attack its prey. His eyes tells he craves. You stumped in front of him, face to face, nose almost touched. Eyes raged.

"I. Won't. Stop. Working." you said what is to be said, "I love my work, Fitz, I love working as a professor and you know how much I love my work and you can't just barge here in my office to tell me to resign and stay with you at the white house and fulfill my duty as a first lady. How did you get in here anyways?"

"You don't need to know how I get here, what you need to do is to get all your things and sign these resignation papers and let's go at the white House." his frown deepen, but you can see his eyes averting from your eyes to your lips, his breathing getting heavy as you argue with him.

"I won't resign just because you're jealous of my colleague who haven't done anything but to do his job." you continued. He scoff, he backs away a little shaking his head.

"Believe me, you will." and that's the last thing he said before he walks out your office. You stared at the door where he just walked out of, jaw drop, can't believe that your husband can do such things.

Well he's the president of the United States after all.

You're at his birthday party, talking with some guests. Not paying attention at your husband who's been such a attention seeker for you.

Since he made you sign those resignation letter you give him silent treatment that he deserves. He can't just manipulate you just because he's jealous.

“Dance with me?” you heard a voice from your back making you turn around. It's your colleague, the man Fitz don't ever want to see.

“Well why not.” you giggle and took his hand that been waiting for you to take.

You wanted him here. His name is Race, and he's a colleague, a married man but it's a private marriage. Fitz were a fool, he doesn't even let you explain it, and now, you will take advantage of it.

Race lead you to the dance floor where there's already some people who's dancing, including your husband who's with a old lady which you can recognise as the 40th president's wife.

Well watch me turn the tables around, darling.

“So, I bet he still doesn't know.” he smiled at you which you returned with a naughty smirk.

“This is a lesson, he has been fooling himself. You know that I would never cheat on him, I love him too much to break his heart.” you factly stated. He sighs as he slowly sway you, syncing with the music.

“I know that you cheeky minx.” he whisper that makes you both laugh together.

Both of you continued to dance and talk about random things up until Fitz finally notice, well actually you've seen him, he got his eyes on you. Watching you dance with the man he despise right now, and all he wanted to do were to yank you off him and take you right in front of everybody, specially him. You're playing with fire.

“Ma'am if you'll excuse me.” he politely smiles at the woman who nods with a smile. As soon as he turns around, his face contorts into a deep frown, raging eyes glued at you.

He walks with power, greeting every person he walk pass with a smile then immediately turns back into a frown as soon as he looks at you.

“I think that would be great, I like it and I know-”

“Mind if I steal my wife for a while?” firm, and low husky voice. Fitz says as he folds his arms across his chest. His face shows it all. Anger, rage, jealousy... Lust.

Well you were about to say that you like race's idea to surprise his wife for her birthday.

“Why sure, Mr. President.” race politely agrees as he smiled at the man, not paying attention to fitz's face, looking like he's ready to punch him.

Fitz did not waste anymore time as he possessively pull you away from him by your waist. He then pressed his lips on yours, taking you by surprise. Race sealed his lips containing his evil grin. Success.

You on the other hand, didn't give what Fitz wants. You did not kiss him back making him pull inches away from your lips.

“You like him don't you?” Fitz slowly said. You stared at him, slowly, a smile formed in your lips, mocking him. You know it makes him more hungry for you, and you like every bit of it.

Knowing your husband, he loves you so much, he's a very territorial, possessive, and obsessive at you. Well because you're his wife, and he needs you to know it.

“I love you.” you smiled at him. He'll say it back. No matter how he's mad at you. You know he will.

“I...love you too.” he whisper, as he look down on your lips, almost looks ashamed. I know you too well.

“Dining room.” you whisper at him before pulling away to walk out of the room.

“What?” he asks confusedly. His brows knitted, his signature look. You smiled evily, seductively bit your lower lip as you said;

“I know you like it anywhere, baby.”

Fitz is a kinky man, you must declare.

A knowing smirk were now plastered on his face making you giggle.

“Meet you there, baby!” you turned around and walk off.

Did he waste more time? Of course he didn't. He quickly walk off the room full of guest and walk towards dining room, where you waited there. Wearing nothing but a pair of black lingerie and a black stocking.

“Y/N-” his breath caught above his lungs as the view in front of him completely astonished him. “What's all of these?” he asks, as his eyes continue to hungrily Starr at your body up and down.

You hop ontop of the table and crossed your legs. He slowly walk towards you.

“A lesson.” you simply said when he's already standing right in front of you and tries to open your legs.

“A lesson for what?” he looks confused. You smirk and parted your legs, you hooked him with your legs on his hips and forcely pull him using it.

You put a finger on his lips and it just parted for you, “You know what you've done, Fitz, and now I'll teach you.. A.. Lesson.” you lean closer to him, he thought you will kiss him, so he lean forward to reach your lips but you pull back. “Ah, ah, darling... You need to be taught and punished—”

“Screw you.” that's all he got to say before he slam his lips on you, you tried to pull away but you're too intoxicated at his taste and scent. He kissed you hungrily, both hands on either side of your cheeks. Both with heavy breathings, both were panting, and moaning in each others mouths, as their tounge collide, exploring the insides of it adding more heat down your womanhood.

Fitz grab ahold of your stockings and rip it apart making you gasp into his mouth. But keep on kissing him still anyways. He pushed your legs more apart and start to kiss your neck. His hands were now roaming you body, specially down your area.

“F-fuck, Fitz.” you moaned as his kiss went down your cleavage, to your stomach up until he reached where you wanted him to be. He place a kiss on your lingerie, as his eyes stilled on yours.

“You can't punish me. I will punish you... For being such a brat, for ignoring me, for teasing me, you think you'll get away with it? Think again...” he snarled. You scoff at him. He just smirked. That devil smirk he always does when you both on bed. It turns you on.

“Fuck you.” you smile and press your lips on his kissing him ever so roughly as your hand went to his belt and undo it. He slapped your hand away and grab a hold of your ass and yank you off the table and put you on your feet as he turn you around, panting as he retrieve his breath, as well as you. He continue to kiss on your neck as he unbuckle his belt and push his pants down.

“Fuck you, you mean.” he chuckles, he ripped your panties and thrown it on the floor leaving you gasping. There's nothing can make you more turned on than you are now.

He latched his lips again on your neck as you grab ahold of his head pushing him more to it, moaning as you did. Fitz let his mouth open while he teased your hole with the tip of his enormous cock. Confusedly you is when he put his hand tightly on your mouth, but it didn't take long when he rams his cock inside of you with a guttural groan, trying to contain his own sounds.

You swear if he hadn't covered your mouth, you would scream. You never got used to his cock, up until now.

“I will never get tired fucking this sweet, tight pussy of yours, Y/N.” he whisper erotically in your ear, while you left there moaning in his palm, grinding your hips with his as he thrust slow but you can feel the roughness.

“Now tell me, my sweet, does teasing me satisfy you?” he asks as he slowly fastening his thrust, breathing were getting more heavier. You shook your head. “Liar.” he grunts, he let's go of your lips and push you down the table, making you lay your front to it as he grab onto your hips and continue his bruising pace. He pause a little when you began to moan, as much as he wanted to hear it, you must minimise your moans so no guest will get traumatised, “Please do be quiet for me, sweetheart, there's people outside. I don't want them knowing I'm screwing my bratty wife while I have party to be at. Wouldn't want to look disrespectful yeah?” he whispers at your ears. You only nodded, panting. “Good.” he smirk before he bit your ear gently. He then suddenly pushed in roughly making you squeal and him shushing you.

Fitz won't let you dominate him, we'll at least not now. He doesn't have much time for you to tease and edge him. But he will let you do that later, when no one's in the house.

He spread your ass to watch his harden cock penetrate your wet cunt, he couldn't help but whimper looking at the beautiful view. He sure is won't ever get enough of you.

No one can ever make his cock this alive, only you, his wife. You always turn him on even in small things you do. Like the way you walk, you talk, your smell, he gets turned on easily, if it's you who'll make him.

“Fuck, Fitz, I'm close.” you quietly moan, Fitz was too lost in pleasure. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pull you against his chest as he thrust up to help you cum for him. He's nearing, as much as he doesn't want this to end, he has visitors to entertain.

“Darling, I'm gonna cum.” he whisper against your skin. His eyes closed, mouth open, eyebrows were knitted, pleasure takes over him. “I know you want to cum too. Cum hof me.” he place a kiss on your neck.

“Fitz..” you moan, almost out of breath. His hand went to your breast and squeeze it tightly as he left his other arm wrapped around your waist. “Ah! Fuck!” your walls clamped around his cock that enough to edge him, and leave him moaning as you cum.

“Oh God, you feel so good.” he groans through gritted teeth. He continues to thrust in you as he breed you, filling you with his cum—wait he breeds you?!

“Fitz!” you yell at him. He frowned at you.

“W-what?” he says panting.

“You finished in me!”

Not to be rude but you both talked about having another baby and he said it's not the right time yet to have another one, and you agreed with it.

“So?” he asks confusedly. He's still inside of you, still thrusting very slowly as he just reached his climax. “You're my wife, I have the rights to do so.” he said, he slowly pulls away making you bite your lip. You turn around to face him.

“Yeah, but I thought you don't want another baby yet?” you ask, he sighs and pull you closer to him as he wrap his arms around your hips.

“Jerry's not a baby anymore, he's four—well he'll still remain our baby but I miss having a small human in my arms,” he chuckles. He place a hand on your cheek, a finger in your lips and continues; “I want to have another baby, I know that you also want another but I choosed to deny you. I'm sorry.” he whisper, your eyes were glistening as he rub your cheeks.

“Thank you, and I love you.” you smiled at him, which he returns.

“I love you too.” he says back with a chuckle. You giggle and tiptoed his lips. Kissing him deeply and passionately.

It didn't last long when he lift you up again and sat you on the table before he push you on your back. He pulls away with a smirk dancing on his lips.

“Fitz!” you giggle when he pulls a chair and sat on it before he pulls you by your tighs to the edge of the table. He smirk at you making you part your lips.

“What? I'm hungry.” he teasingly said before burying his head between your tighs leaving you breathless as you throw your head at the back, moaning as you did.

[mrs-prentiss]

Mellies Scandal

Summary : We all know and love Fitz and Olivia’s affair and quarrel. However most of us wanted some sort of justice for Mellie, and one person in particular had every idea to give Mellie just that.

•••••••••••••••••

‼️Warning : Cursing - Light Violence ‼️

Authors Note : I know we all hate when people put their Ocs in a tag for “X reader” but since there is no “Mellie x Reader” fics I am going to put this there to help boost it and find people. If it goes well I will make “x Reader” for Mellie Grant! Until then enjoy! It’s short for now the next ones will be longer

————————

• Nicknames •

Eleanor Prentiss ( Nellie or El sometimes Flo)

Melody Grant ( Mellie or Mells)

Olivia Pope (Liv)

Fitzgerald Grant (Fitz or Fizzy)

••••••••

We all know FitzGerald Grant and we all know the lovely Olivia pope. Who doesn’t love this pairing? Mellie of course and the infamous little sister of Fitz, Eleanor Florence Prentiss. Eleanor is the younger sister to Fitz, she’s the Chief of the FBI office in Washington. She’s married and sort of separated from her lovely wife…sort of ex wife Emily Prentiss who is also working in the Washington office with her.

Eleanor was notorious for flirting with Mellie, who wouldn’t? She was completely and utterly infatuated with the woman and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Something about Mellie just sparked and lit fire works inside of Eleanor. She was always in Mellies corner, despite being the Presidents sister she was a Mellie supporter til the day she died. So upon hearing about her brother affair she was one of the first people inside of the Oval office after getting several calls for her to come there “Melody sweetheart you look beautiful as always. Fitzgerald you look like a fool and so does your common whore here” she said loudly as she walked into the office kicking the door shut behind her.

She stood beside Mellie who sat on the couch and arched an eyebrow at the mistresses in front of her “Is there a reason i’m here? I’m a busy woman I don’t have time to come gossip about your recent screw up” there it was that agitating voice she hated the sound of her voice. She knew Of Olivia Pope they’d cross paths plenty of time and every time Olivia got in her way she had blackmail and the government knees deep on her side “I called you here. We need your help and you weren’t answering his calls”

Eleanor turned to the right slightly and smiled with a low chuckle following past it “You don’t not beckon me anywhere. You don’t ask for my help, as far as i’m concerned nothing at all is stopping me from kicking your ass Olivia. You tell your team to stop ringing my lines i’m busy i don’t have the time to play phone tag” she placed a hand on Mellies shoulder gently squeezing it and giving her a give glance with an apologetic smile and soft eyes. She sympathized and she wanted nothing more then to give Mellie everything she wanted, but it wasn’t an easy task.

Mellie would be lying if she told herself the way Eleanor looked at her and touched her simply didn’t just send a tense feeling down to her core. She picked the wrong Grant that was for sure and she didn’t know what to do from now “I told you it was a bad idea Fitz. Eleanor is working and she hated this as much as I do. You should know that.” Mellie tried to reason with her husband on her sister in laws behalf. He wasn’t listening though and neither was Olivia they’d both decided for Mellie that they would all convince Eleanor.

“Mellie we need her to help us. She has resources and connections we don’t. We all agreed to this” Olivia expressed in a broad tone. Eleanor for one didn’t agree with her brother running for president she hated the idea but she was also a good sister who would support what he wanted even if she didn’t like it “Hey Olivia? Shut the fuck up and let her speak. God do you deal with this every day Melody? This is ridiculous. If i’m helping any of you this piggy backing to defend each other shit is stopping now.” Eleanor snapped at both Fitz and Olivia pointing at the with the hand she took off Mellies shoulder.

Fitz took a sharp breath and groaned loudly “SERIOUSLY NELLIE! You can’t behave for five minutes and play nice! Olivia hasn’t done anything and you’re already insulting her. We need your help! I need your help, my presidency depends on it” he exhausted said in a sharp tone to his sister. Fitz and Eleanor don’t yell at each other and they don’t fight, so the room was so quiet at the moment you could hear a pin drop. Eleanor smirked slightly and set her bag and keys down beside Mellie sending her a wink before she moved past the couch.

A loud slap echoed through the Oval office and left Fitz with his head snapped sideways and Eleanor shaking her hand off as she lowered it “Do not ever raise your voice at me again. You two have done everything wrong, you have ruined her life. Just so you know Fizzy i’m not here for you, i’m here for Mellie. You want my help you find a way to speak to me because next time i’ll make sure you hit the floor and you know I will” as her brother mumbled an apology to his sister rubbing his cheek as he lifted his head to look at her she started speaking again “I’ll talk to Emily. I’ll see what we can do okay? Until then you two don’t go making this harder for me to clean up”

“Wait; you’re still with her? You told me you two got divorce Eleanor. Are you guys still married?” Mellies confusion and jealous was obvious to Eleanor just by the look in her eyes which made her shift in her spot as the first lady stood up with her eyes challenging Eleanor. Eleanor fumbled over her words for a second before she scrunched her nose as she spoke and relaxed it “No…yes? I don’t know we’re— It’s complicated. It doesn’t matter. What matters is i’m fixing this mess and i’ll be here tomorrow and the rest of the week to help” she grabbed her bag and keys from the couch, mouthing an i’m sorry to Mellie before she made her way to the door “and..when i come back Olivia you better be here and on a short leash i know how you get when you get power hungry” she pointedly spoke. She waved goodbye to the secretary and made her way through the white house halls calling Emily to figure out how the hell she’d clean this up.

[darkchocolatedimples]

the tortured poets department (sponsored by my procrastination)

excuse my essays for each song the lyrics are so interesting to me so there’s like actual analyzation for each one.

fortnight - dex

that lingering resentment disguised by surface level friendship is that not literally him and sophie come on. “run into you sometimes, ask about the weather” the awkwardness!! “your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her” he was the #1 fitz hater for multiple reasons after all (although i think he was over it by the time keefe became prominent)

the tortured poets department - sophie

this is so keefe from her perspective come on “you’re in self sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down the road, but i’ve seen this episode and still love the show” “i chose this cyclone with you” “sometimes i wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me. but you told [biana] that you’d kill yourself if i ever leave. and i had said that to [dex] about you so i felt seen. everyone we know understands why we’re meant to be.” also let’s be so real keefes drawing journals + goodbye letters, he’s giving tortured poet

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - fitz

guys he’s just a silly little boy with anger issues, and he’s MY silly little boy with anger issues stop hating him 😞 “the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild” “he saw forever so he smashed it up” he may have fucked up but it happens!!

down bad - dex

CUZ FUCK IT HE WAS IN LOVE!!! also if i may present to you: “i might just die it would make no difference” in the context that outside of sophie saw no purpose to his own life. he saw himself just as he is presented in the books: as her best friend and nothing more. so in losing that (blaming himself and his own feelings for it) what was left of him? who was left? sophie was also his ONLY friend. not to mention in the context of the fact that when he WAS presumed dead nobody cared, they still cared more about sophie.

so long, london - keefe

no not bc of london actually but because “and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment” is actually a direct reference to keefitz’ friendship falling apart as fitz got angrier and keefe got more closed off. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?” “im just mad as hell cause i loved this place” me when everglen is no longer keefes safehaven. nor anyone’s for that matter bc its haunted by alvars betrayal and alden’s mind break and fitz’ anger.

but daddy i love him - biana

“i just learned these people only raise you to cage you” “i just learned these people try and save you…cause they hate you” “dutiful daughter all my plans were laid…growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.” i hate alden vacker. how do u manage to use and fuck up all ur kids by age 12 like wow. “i’ll tell you something about my good name: it’s mine alone to disgrace” she would 100% say this. she would also 100% say “im having his baby! no im not but you should see your faces.”

fresh out the slammer - keefe

sokeefe or keefitz take it as it comes. “in the shade of how he was feeling.” “as i said in my letters.” “my friends try, but i wouldn’t hear it…for just one glimpse of his smile” “swirled you into all of my poems” it’s so him it is truly.

florida!!! - keefe

THIS one’s about london! “well me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time! yes i’m haunted but im feeling just fine” ethan and eleanor wright who?? “your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in” candle shade/shores of solace type beat “i need to forget so take me to [london], i have some regrets i’ll bury them in [london]” “i don’t want to exist so take me to [london]” aw bae

guilty as sin? - dex

i don’t know how to explain but i just feel like this feeling of i shouldn’t be doing/feeling this the literal guilt and all these delusions and the sheer intensity of it all is just giving me dex. “this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry? i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks” “i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” this must be the way he loves if he thinks so little of himself and doesn’t let himself have good things. “i choose you and me religiously” because at the end of the day when he makes a decision or chooses something or someone he puts his all into it.

who’s afraid of little old me - sophie

“you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. you caged me then you called me crazy. i am what i am cuz you trained me.” all of it’s literally giving her growing into herself in stellarlune and making decisions on her own. SHE IS NOT A PAWN!!!

i can fix him (no really i can) - tam

idk its just giving him defending rayni with his life when everyone else including linh was like who tf is this girl.

loml - fitz

every sad pining song is fitz vacker to me. esp the refrences to the romance being dead but never buried... "still alive killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried...i'm your holy ghost" the way that sophie switched up on him in stellarlune (although i fully support her) didn't give him much time to recover. "are they second-hand embarrased that i can't get out of bed because something counterfiet's dead" give me heartbroken fitz!!! for once instead of angry fitz just give me tired, resigned fitz. "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unecessary, should've let it stayed buried" is such a good summary of sophitz imo.

i can do it with a broken heart - linh

linh is so interesting to me as a parallel of fitz: meaning she, just like him, is always angry. however she masks it in smiles and kindness the way he never learned to, he just lashes out. this song feels like it’s talking about that mask: “i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday everyday” “i can read your mind ‘she’s having the time of her life’ …i can show you lies” “cause im miserable and nobody even knows” “i can hold my breath, i’ve been doing it since [i] left”

the smallest man who ever lived - keefe

it’s giving a letter to cassius/gisela/alvar. “and i don’t even want you back, i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. and i don’t miss what we had” “did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?” “in 50 years will all this be declassified and you’ll confess why you did it, and i’ll say ‘good riddance’” “i would’ve died for your sins instead i just died inside. and you deserve prison but you won’t get time” “in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive.”

the alchemy - sophie

“cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?” aw sokeefe.

clara bow - biana

BIANA BEING COMPARED TO HER BROTHERS AND ALL THE VACKERS BEFORE THEM "the crown is stained but you're the real queen" "beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours, demanding more...its hell on earth to be heavenly" i love her.

the black dog - fitz

bring back petty fitz!! i think the young girl not knowing the starting line could parallel with keefe not being able to understand things about telepathy that really connected fitz and sophie. i also think we could shift the angle and make it about alvars betrayal and how it sparked his angry trauma response. “you said i needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until i believed it too.” “now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes…even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it.”

imgonnagetyouback - fitz

he is 100% this delusional. he's just like me. "you'll find that you were never not mine" "even if its handcuffed im leaving here with you." "told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison babe, i'm poison either way"

the albatross - keefe

“one bad seed kills the garden. one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen.” “the devil that you know looks now more like an angel. i’m the life you chose, and all this terrible danger.” HE IS THE ALBATROSS. i can’t wait for the movie i want edits of him to this. ACTUALLY I WANT A LOT OF THINGS maybe I’ll make a separate post about that.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - keefe

you saw it coming. this song SCREAMS KEEFITZ. like- “you said some things that i can’t unabsorb…you needed me but you needed drugs more.” “changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you.” “if you want to break my cold cold heart just say ‘i loved you the way that you were’” WHAT THE HECK DUDE IM SOBBING “back to the moment i crashed into you like so many wrecks do” that line solidified this as keefe’s pov for me. in conclusion. SOBBING.

how did it end - biana

i propose to you: not a relationship, but the vacker family falling apart and the way they became a huge subject of gossip in the lost cities. when alden’s mind broke, while fitz had turned to anger biana became depressed, and i think this song could relate to that as well. the whole part of “guess who we ran into at the shops” feels very much like conversations others would have about the vackers at the time and when alvar betrayed them. “soon they’ll go home to their [brothers], smug cause they know they can trust him.” and i think at the end of the day when all of it happened biana was just young and betrayed and lost, because she didn’t see it coming or understand why (who did?) “the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling” “i can’t pretend like i understand, how did it end?”

so high school - biana

HER VIBES ALL THE WAY she’s so cute and lovely and i want this for her (and dex. specifically dex. not anyone else.)

i hate here - sophie

was leaning dex until “you see i was a debutant in another life but now i seem to be scared of going outside” but the whole idea of escapism applies to both of them. especially to sophie though when she lived with humans and was so alone because even her own family couldn’t understand her, and she canonically is a bookworm and probably found more comfort in those other lives than she ever could in her own. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind...i read about it in a book when I was a precious child" "ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless"

thanK you aIMee - tam

aimee 🤝🏽 the song parents. “everyone knows that my [sister] is a saintly woman. but she used to say she wished that you were dead.” “but when i count the scars there’s a moment of truth: that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you.” thank you song parents 🫶🏽

i look in people’s windows - fitz

i thought this song sounded so creepy till I actually listened to it and now the idea of like lowkey stalking someone just to see if they still care about you or have moved on is slightly making sense. "does it feel alright to not know me? i'm addicted to the if only." it's giving keefitz (when isn't it?)

the prophecy - dex

"let it once be me, who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?" THIS JUST REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF THE BEGINNING OF STELLARLUNE WHEN HES LITERALLY MOURNING WHAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED TO HIS BROTHER YET i need more dex being the oldest sibling and shouldering that burden. the love-hate relationship with his siblings while simultaneously trying to make their quality of life so much better than what he had. also "a lesser woman would've lost hope, a greater woman wouldn't beg" is so him. he is so that middle.

cassandra - tam

"so they killed cassandra first cuz she feared the worst...do you believe me now?" "you can mark my words, i said it first. in a mourning warning, no one heard." tam when keefe joined the neverseen fr

peter - keefe

pls tell me you saw this one coming. "are you still a mindreader? a natural scene stealer, I've heard great things [fitz], but life was always easier on you than it was on me." "promises, oceans deep, but never to keep" "forgive me [fitz], my lost fearless leader...from when we were just kids. is it something I did?" i think I'm just in a constant state of mourning their friendship.

the bolter - keefe

obvious reasons but also "i can confirm she made a curious child, ever reviled by everyone but her own father." "hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping." "she's got the best stories, you can be sure, as she was leaving, it feels like freedom."

robin - dex

had to do some research for this one but apparently its talking about preserving a child's innocence! for this reason it reminds me again of dex and his siblings because of the way he really wants to protect them from things that haven't happened yet (especially considering rex being talentless). "way to go tiger" definitely sounds like something he would say to them feeling all sentimental but then, knowing siblings, they'd probably grill him about why he's being nice 💀

the manuscript -

we know the drill by now, fitz gets all the breakup songs because they could be about sophie OR keefe. "afterwords, she only ate kid's cereal, and slept in her mother's bed" while the song is discussing reverting back to childhood habits in vulnerability, fitz's vulnerability made him angry (but it was still a big change from his regular self) "looking back might be the only way to move forward" I hope he does get to move on!!! im tired of the love triangle plot if we're not gonna focus on keefitz' friendship 😭

[bueckersstrap]

songs that remind me of my wife ⋆·˚ ༘ *

@sunkissed-zegras

major creds to the og wives (cj & alora for the idea 😊😊😊) !!

out of my league - fitz and tantrums

“i waited for a girl like you

to come and save my life”

bad idea! - girl in red

“darling your so pretty

it hurts”

congratulations - mac miller

“and you too divine to just be mine

you remind me of the color blue

girl I'm so in love with you”

fall in love with you - montell fish

“fall in love with you”

love is only a feeling - joey bada$$

“i mean she so perfect

in her own little world

we built the foundation everything i want in a girl "

japanese denim - daniel caesar

“you're my four leaf clover

i’m so in love

so in love”

sweet/i thought you wanted to dance - tyler, the creator, brent faiyaz, fana hues

“if i compared you, the sun is a stand in

you got a smile that could light up a planet”

girl with the tattoo enter.lewd - miguel

“those innocent eyes

that smile on your face

makes it easy to trust you”

ivy - frank ocean

“i thought that i was dreaming

when you said you love me”

dream girl - crisaunt

“living in a dream

when i’m with you”

sweet - cigarettes after sex

“you know that i’m obsessed with your body

but it’s way you smile that does it for me

it’s so sweet

knowing that you love me

sure thing - miguel

“cause this love is a sure thing

now rock with me babe

let me hold you in my arms

talk with me babe”

all i want is you - miguel, j. cole

“cause they don’t smile

or smell like you

and they don’t make me laugh

or even cook like you

and they don’t photograph

nah they don’t sex like you

let’s face it i can’t replace it”

stay ready (what a life) - jhené aiko, kendrick lamar

“we do not exist

in any other instant

here in this dimension you and i are

meant to be "

bound 2 - kanye west

“bound to failing in love”

always forever - cults

“you and me always forever

we could stay alone together"

hold on, we’re going home - drake, majid jordan

“i got my eyes on you

you're everything that i see

i want your hot love and emotion endlessly

i can’t get over you

you left your mark on me”

best part - daniel caesar, h.e.r.

“you’re the coffee that i need in the morning

you’re my sunshine in the rain when it’s pouring”

in a good way - faye webster

“i didn’t know i was capable of being happy right now

but you showed me how”

daylight - taylor swift (🙄🙄🙄)

“all of you all of me

i once believed love would be black and white

but it’s golden"

[taylor-swift-fosters-it-again]

sophomore year so far as kotlc: edition one

the grind never stops

“every time I come here I feel like the freshmen have multiplied. it’s okay. don’t fret. but there are a lot.” - linh

“and you’re like, I lowkey hate this person.” - sophie

“except when they, like, find a dead man.” - tam

“as a woman, I feel my period pains are overlooked.” - biana

“no, she didn’t care, but that’s not what the directions were.” - dex

“everyone was just trauma dumping.” - mr. forkle, describing a meeting w the kids to the others

“like what you would see on a box of fruit loops, but real.” - keefe

“I’m the dinner party demon.” - marella

“I’m on a website to buy fifteen million dollar ham.” - sophie

“is this band trauma?” - fitz

“bro, we almost sent out a search party for you!” - mr. forkle

“I heard through the grapevine he got suspended for two days because he said something insensitive to a minority.” - marella

“bro spelled the name but didn’t know how to say it!” - dex

“he just went downstairs, eating a pop tart.” - linh

“are you guys scared, or what?!” - tam

“if she even utters the words ‘chocolate chip cookie’, I’m going to lose it.” - sophie

“I think we call that fraternizing with the enemy.” - keefe

“stop talking to your lady friend! be single like me!” - dex

“I love when my friends put me in the track.” - fitz

“what if they, like, move on accident?” - biana

“the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” - sophie

“you guys both share one braincell. like, I love you guys, but.” - biana, to keefe and fitz

“heads up! there’s a spooky guy at the hair salon.” - tam

“but you’re not vegan.” - sophie

“imagine you just met an imaginary number.” - biana

“who’s pedro’s, like, wife? he has a girlfriend.” - keefe

“if it’s negative one hundred, we’re, like, dead.” - tam

“better get the rice ready.” - elwin

“see, this is the problem with america.” - sophie

“cowabunga. what a great word.” - keefe

“I don’t know what this conversation is, but I’m scared.” - mr. forkle

“I... am SPEED.” - dex

“I have many follow up questions and I’m going to leave them unasked.” - mr. forkle

[epic-kotlc-crossover]

No Longer You

this is the second chapter of the Underworld Saga (personally this was so much fun to write so I hope you enjoy!!!)

@thesfromhms @sombrathedragon @myfairkatiecat @imnotskyguy-remake @bookwormgirl123

@ham-cheese-toastie @justalunaticfangirl

Fitz kept staring at the spot where his mom had dissapered.

Come on, he urged himself. We need to find the prophet. Even so, Fitz seemed frozen in place.

His mom... Had died. Fitz was too late, again. Someone had died because of him, again.

A quiet sob escaped, but he sharply shook his head, wiping his eyes. He'd deal with that later. There were more important things to do.

"I am the prophet..." A voice sounded out from behind him. Fitz spun around, eyes darting quickly around for the source.

He landed on a girl with long, blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She almost looked like... no.

"Sophie?" Fitz's voice cracked horribly. No. No. No, no, no no. She couldn't be dead too.

The ghost smiled sadly. "No, she's alive. I'm Jolie." Well. That sent Fitz down another spiral. Grady and Edaline's daughter had died a few years before he was born, and her memory had hung like a weight around the couple until Sophie arrived.

No one had said anything about her being a prophet, though. The only ability she'd had that he was aware of was a conjurer.

At least Sophie was still alive.

Now that he looked closer, Jolie had tear stains running down her face and—Fitz did a double take. Were those burn marks?

"I see past and future running free..." Jolie looked mournful. "There is a world where I help you get home. But that isn't a world I know." Fitz's blood ran cold.

"What?"

Jolie ignored him. With her eyes closed, she looked so graceful, almost like a swan. "I see a song of past romance..." Her voice grew louder, like she was trying to drown him out. "I see betrayals... So many betrayals..." What could she mean? Who would betray him?

Jolie's eyes snapped open and she stared right at Fitz, unblinking. He wanted to move, step back, do anything but her gaze paralyzed him to the spot.

"I see you on the verge of death! I see you take your final breath!" Her head tilted slightly, and Fitz got the impression she was staring straight into his soul. "I see a man who makes it home alive, but he's no longer you."

Panic clogged Fitz's throat. "No!" He shook his head, refusing to believe her. Jolie kept staring at him, something almost like pity in her eyes. "We've suffered so, so much, and you say it was all for nothing?" A hot flash of anger slipped into his words, but he didn't care to reign it in. Not now.

Not when she'd just told him he was essentially doomed never to reach Ithaca.

"Your palace..." Jolie continued on like she hadn't heard him. "It's covered in men who thought you were dead."

She paused, and an indescribable emotion flickered over her face. Anger? Laughter? "I see your wife with a brutal man. A man with a trail of bodies..."

Fitz didn't even try to contain his rage. "Who??" he snarled. Sophie wouldn't do that, right?

But...

It had been twelve years. And a for a few of those, his telepathy had been restricted.

She had every right to think he was dead. She had every right to move on.

That didn't mean he liked it, though.

"I see a song of past romance!" Jolie's repeated, her voice getting desperately higher. "I see a brother's final stand!" She had a slightly crazed look in her eyes.

Fitz wanted to get out of here. As he moved to leave, Jolie's hand gripped his shoulder and stopped him.

"What?" He yelped, startled. Why wasn't she letting him go?

Jolie looked at him in the eye again. "I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you." Fitz didn't know if those words had a deeper meaning, but he didn’t want to spend time thinking about it.

She squeezed his shoulder, and her face softened with sadness. A small smile appeared, and she told him, "Say hi to my parents for me."

Fitz nodded, and Jolie—finally—released him. As he watched, she turned translucent and was carried away by the wind.

He shivered.

[cyberphuck]

ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED: PART TWO

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy, but they don’t want to actually have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them (and you)! (Check out all the other entries in the Farseer Trilogy Abridged series at the masterpost. Also if you think I’m funny you can send me a ko-fi from there.)

EDIT: added some strikethroughs where they were supposed to go and put something funny where I had just left the reminder to write something funny. Last Time on Dragon Book Z (rip Toriyama sensei), Fitz finally made it home from the mountains. He’d seen via Skill-o-Vision that Molly had been viked by Vikings, and he was desperate to see if she’d flagged herself ‘safe’ from Being Raided on Facebook…

The next day, Fitz is minding his own business being told by Cook Sara that he looks like shit when he spontaneously decides to climb sixty four flights of stairs. Considering that his tiny teenaged body is still 89% poison by volume and he just got home from the worst road trip of his life (so far!), by the time he gets to the top he's facedown on the floor, pushing himself along by his toes.

  “Hello, Lil Accident,” Verity says, putting down his binoculars. “Wow, you look like shit.”

  “So I’ve been told,” Fitz mumbles to the floor. ”You look a lot less skeletal than when I last saw you.“

  ”Thanks! I had sex.“

  Fitz tries to get up and fails. ”I didn't even know you'd be up here.”

  “Aha, but you see, I Skilled you here, and you didn't even know it. In fact I've been balls-deep in your brain for a week with you none the wiser, because this is a thing I can do with the Skill.“

  Fitz spits out a mouthful of dust. ”Wow, when do I get to learn that kind of thing?“

  ”Never,“ Verity smiles, turning back to the window. ”Come look at my ships.“

  Dragging himself up to the windowsill, Fitz peeks out. “Neat! We'll be able to defend ourselves against the Vikings with these for sure!“

  ”Yes,” Verity growls. “And I can't wait to continue the cycle of violence by going all the way to the Viking home planet and viking them back!“

  Somewhere downstairs, the Fool rubs his temples, sighing loudly.

  ”Anyway, now that I've forced you to climb all the way up here, let's go back down so I can get something to eat.” Verity picks Fitz up by the scruff of his neck. “I want to hear all about your little trip to the Big Onion.“

  They head down to Verity's man cave, and after watching 'ASSASSIN'S APPRENTICE ENDING EXPLAINED— WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AUGUST,' Verity reads the comments, most of which point out that Regal should have totally died in a fire for plotting to kill his own brother and murdering a bunch of the wedding party.

  Fitz looks at the hay bale in the corner, where the Fool is updating his Linkedin. ”Listen, I have a way bigger part in this book than the last one,“ the Fool says without looking up. ”I'm not gonna have time to re-explain who everybody is to you whenever you want. I've got a big death scene coming up.“

  ”You're going to die?!“ Fitz cries.

  ”Someone is,“ the Fool murmurs.

  ”You're probably wondering why I haven't punished Regal for any of the stuff he did last book,“ Verity says, steepling his fingers. ”And the truth is, I'm not going to, because he'll just throw a temper tantrum about it and I don't want to deal with that.“

  ”What if he tries to kill one of us again?“

  ”Pff, don't worry about it, Lil Accident.“ Verity waves him off. ”You can take tomorrow off to go look for your dead girlfriend.“

  Fitz stands up. ”Thanks Prince Verity, I'm gonna go have a seizure before bed.“

  But as soon as he steps out of the room, Lacey jumpscares him and drags him off to go see Lady Patience, who is laying in a pile of her current hyperfixations. ”You missed the wedding,” she says accusingly.

  ”Sorry, Mrs. My Dead Dad's Wife,“ Fitz sighs. ”Regal tried to, uh, do whatever the opposite of poisoning me and trying to drown me is, and now whenever I get excited I fall over.“ He accepts a glass of wine from Lacey, then dumps it over his head. “I've gotta move on to the next plot point now.”

  Fitz is staggering up the stairs, leaving a wet smear of Rosé after him, when a Servant Girl comes to take his arm. “Here, sir,” she says sweetly. “Let me help you weave drunkenly back to your chambers. Wouldn't want you falling down the stairs and breaking your stupid lying neck.”

  “Thanks, mysterious servant girl. You can drop me off at the corner, I’ll walk from here.”

  But instead of letting him have a seizure in peace, the Servant Girl punches him in the gut and kicks him in the nads, because she's Molly!

  “Holy shit, you're alive!” Fitz sobs. “Oh man, I had a vision that you got viked, it was awful—”

  Molly kicks him in the nads again. “I did get viked, and afterwards I came here looking for you to ask you to loan me some cash, or get married to me. My dumb ass went around to all the servants going 'hey, have you seen the scribe's apprentice, he looks just like FitzChivalry Farseer,' and someone filmed me and made a TikTok titled 'tfw you find out your boyfriend is really The Bastard.'”

  “Oh,” Fitz cringes.

  “Yeah 'oh,'” Molly says. “It has sixteen million views and hashtag Cat-Fitzed is trending on Twitter.”

  “It's called X now,” Fitz squeaks. “What about the older, hotter guy I saw you walking off with?“

  ”That was my cousin,“ Molly snarls. ”Do you think I'd date someone with an earring?“

  “Gosh, it's a good thing I don't wear one of those,” Fitz says, polishing his collar.

  ”Anyway, you're gross and I hate you,“ Molly declares. ”Do not, under any circumstances, continue to attempt to woo me. Goodbye.”

  Despite Fitz's best efforts, he continues to have a seizure any time he tries to do anything except have a seizure. Even into the next day, he's still ragdolling like a character in a seventy dollar video game on release day. The Fool appears briefly to catch a glimpse of Fitz in his underwear, but before they can do any real flirting, Lacey and Patience show up again.

  “Listen, Prince Dumbass,” Patience says, “you fucked up bigtime letting Molly think she was in your league. She came here thinking you'd grown up in a double-wide same as her, drinking off-brand kool aid and saving butter containers to use as tupperware. When people found out you lied to her, they started calling her a hump-and-dump.”

  “But we never even humped,” Fitz objects.

  “And it's a good thing, too, because as royalty you're only allowed to hump at the King's pleasure. Princes are not allowed to run around sticking their dick in whoever they want, that's how we ended up with you. You'd just make a bunch more Fitzes, and we don't have enough paid extras anymore to traumatize *all* of those kids.”

  “We could drown them,” Lacey suggests, working on a cross-stitch that says 'GALS BEING PALS.'

  ”They wouldn't be Fitzes if me and miss Molly got married,“ Fitz says. ”I'll just go and do that real quick.“

  Patience whacks him in the head with a rolled up newspaper. ”No! You're going to marry whoever the King tells you to marry, and no one else. We learned our lesson with Chivalry: we can never, ever allow you to have any control over your life whatsoever, and that includes caring about anyone other than whoever is wearing a crown that day. Besides, didn't you already sign a contract to do whatever King Shrewd told you to do without question forever?”

  “I was nine, I don't really feel like that was binding—”

  Patience grabs Fitz by the front of his shirt and jerks him forward. “Do not,” she says, “have sex with Molly. Do NOT have sex with Molly. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MOLLY.”

  “No promises,” Fitz shrugs. “Hey, do you have a backstory other than being the ADHD widow of my deadbeat dad?”

  Patience runs away crying. As soon as she's gone, Chade shows up. “Hey,” he says gently. “Don't cry. Kettricken's dad roped her into a political marriage and now she's miserable and lonely. That can happen for you, too.”

  “This sucks,” Fitz moans.

  “Remember not to have sex with Molly,“ Chade says as he crawls back into his wall-hole.

  ”Whatever. I'm going down into town to find my soulmate.”

  Fitz, wearing his slouchiest beanie, his blackest hoodie, and his unhappiest expression of teenaged angst, stomps down the road into Buckkeep town, hands shoved in his pockets. “Stupid Farseers,” he mutters. ”Always hasslin' me and tellin' me what to do. What do they know? Man, nobody understands what it's like to be me.“

  *Oh, you you think you got it bad, little bitch boy?*

  The entire fandom erupts into cheers and applause as the character in possession of the single teaspoon of sense in the entire series arrives.

  Fitz looks up, snarling, and locks eyes with a wolf trapped in a cage labeled 'ESSENTIAL NPC'. The angry little ball of fluff is just one of many wares sold by a dude in a full body fursuit. “Good morrow, emo child,” Fursuit says, oozing greasily forward. “I see you eyeballing that young cub. You know, an animal like that could really be useful if, say, you were a royal Bastard with Doctor Doolittle magic who was sent out to fight zombies a lot.“

  ”I'll trade you a pack of gum for him,“ Fitz offers.

  ”He's worth way more than that,“ Fursuit says. ”I went through all the trouble of building a rocketship for his wolf-mother and wolf-siblings so they could return to their home planet.“

  *I'll kick your ass! I'll kick everyone's ass! I'll kick my own ass!!*

  *'Shut up, I'm negotiating!'*

  ”A pack of gum AND this cool rock I found,“ Fitz bargains expertly, then kicks Fursuit in the shin, grabs the wolf, and runs off.

  Fitz carries Wolfcub back up to Buckkeep, looking forward to the 'wrestling with a wild animal to show dominance' scene, but then realizes that the cub is too weak and tiny to put up a good fight. What was even the point of having a pet wolf if he couldn't have a badass fight with it and then stand shirtless against the sunrise? Also, Fitz has already had two canines in his life bond to him and then have to return to their home planets, and he's kind of tired of that happening.

  *'My apartment has a no pets policy, so you're gonna have to stay in the tool shed,'* he tells Wolfcub. *'Don't wit-bond to me.'*

  Then, with nothing better to do, he leaves to go do the thing Patience and Chade explicitly told him not to: Have Sex With Molly.  ”The fuck is wrong with you lately?“ Burrich asks, some days later while he and Fitz are hanging out at the bar.

  Fitz sighs. ”I keep trying to have sex with Molly, but things are always getting in the way of my dick," he says mournfully.

  ”Mm. Been there,“ Burrich mutters, pulling down his sleeve to cover up his 'PATIENCE CHIVALRY BITTERNESS AND BURRICH 4 EVER' tattoo. ”Which one is Molly?“

  ”The hot one that kicks people in the nuts.“

  ”Oh, yeah. Half my age. I like that in a girl,“ Burrich says, and everybody decides to just go with it. ”Here's my advice to you: give up and move on. Get your post-rejection glow up, and your girl will go off to marry someone else.“

  ”That sounds like it sucks,“ Fitz says doubtfully. “When do I finally get to have sex with her?”

  Burrich grins. “That's the neat thing! You don't.”

  The next morning, Fitz gets out of bed, takes a big, cleansing breath, then puts his earbuds in and turns on his Montage Song.

  “Time for that glow up,” he says really loudly because he can't hear himself over the music.

  'Cause baby you're a firework

Fitz wrapping measuring tape around his bicep and frowning;

come on and show 'em what you're worth

running laps around the castle with Wolfcub chasing after him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

standing on one foot like in Karate Kid while Pat Morita decomposes nearby;

as you you shoot across the sky-ay-ay

Burrich taking away his AXE body spray and shoving him into the shower;

baby you're a firework!

carb-loading at the local Fantasy Pizzeria;

come on and let your colors burst

lifting weights while Wolfcub tries to bite him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

measuring his bicep again, and nodding in satisfaction.

you're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

  “I'm bored,” Kettricken sighs as she and Fitz hang out with Kettricken's entourage. “I wish Verity would get me pregnant.“

  ”How can you be bored with fifty people constantly offering to play with you?“ Fitz says. ”Also, ew.“

  ”I could be back home fighting bears and lifting sacks over my head,” Kettricken whines, “but I'm stuck here in Lamesville with these boring losers and my husband is constantly off doing Skill stuff instead of having sex with me. Lady Modesty is constantly suggesting we watch the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice,” she adds, disgusted.

  Fitz slaps her. “Your job here isn't to be butch! This castle has been a fucking sausage party for years, and the best person to Girlboss it up is you. That means making moodboards, drinking iced coffees, doing each other's nails and YES, watching the objectively worse version of Pride and Prejudice! Look at Lady Hopeful, she's unironically singing along to 'I Knew You Were Trouble'! Now suck it up, buttercup, and go watch the part where Mr. Darcy confesses his love to Elizabeth!”

  “Yes sir,” Kettricken mumbles.

  “Bastard, first name The?“ a messenger says as he clips through the wall. ”King Shrewd finally wants to see you.“

  Fitz stands up, brushes himself off, and heads up to Grandpa's house...

[snowsays]

on my knees hands clasped together in front of me pleading for you to infodump about your fic in which vertina is jolie’s human wife

oh noo, I fear you're gonna be disappointed 😖😖 the fic is not about them 👉🏻👈🏻 im not even sure if they would have appeared

it's actually a sokeefe fic that consumed my brain for -checks notes- four whole days, in which I wrote 8.4k words. I got inspired by this AU. I have actually mentioned it a little before in this blog, I asked for headcanons on what each member of the gang would study/wear/like, because it's a human!college!au, and I actually made a pinterest board with fashion inspo for Biana, Sophie, Keefe and Fitz lmao (you can check it out here if you wanna) and a spotify playlist for Biana and Sophie like those you can make with a friend where spotify automatically fills it with music according to the tastes of each of you

so basically my general idea was that Sophie and Keefe meet at a party where they make out and then the next day they bump into each other at Everglen for spring break. I was writing it on the go bc I hadnt written fanfiction in 12 years (something got into my brain last year and I had an idea for an Eragon fanfic, wrote like a page then got busy, and now this one) so I only had a vague idea of what I wanted to happen which was: make out/have sex at party so its real awkward the next day at everglen (I basically got to this point before the brainrot stopped), couple nightly accidental meetups bc neither of them can sleep, talk about their trauma??, have sex again??, and that was it 😂

but me being me, I got really into making it make sense. So the ~Lore~ I came up with was:

The Reuwens adopted Sophie and Amy after the Fosters died in a fire (cuz we gotta keep it in theme right?)

Jolie lives, and is happily married with Vertina. Fuck Brady (didnt think too much about what happened to him, but maybe he couldve gone to jail?)

Jolie is an adult and out of the house ofc, she's still 15 years older than Sophie

The Reuwens have an animal sanctuary, I was thinking horse sanctuary also inspired by another fanfic I read (but that one was a Haikyuu one)

Sophie drives an old pick-up truck, and Biana has a Suzuki Vitara Live (which she got to spite Luzia Vacker, who is her great-aunt and very conservative. It was a compromise, Biana wanted a Ram pick-up bc Luzia was all "ladies should only drive small cars" but Della and Alden got her to accept the Suzuki) (< that was inspired by my own experience with a family friend who wanted me to sell him my Renault Sandero Stepway and he would give me a Chevrolet Spark bc it was "better for girls")

Foxfire is a college

Sophie, Biana and Stina are roommates. They rent an apartment together (they're in third year, Sophie transferred to Foxfire in second year and got placed as Biana's roommate, who wasnt happy bc she hadnt had one before, but they became friends after helping each other with classes stuff)

Likewise, Fitz, Keefe, Dex and (I was still deciding if) Tam live together in a house (it's Cassius')

Sophie and Biana dont like Stina and she doesnt like them either

Sophie ends up going with Biana to Fitz and Keefe's party bc Stina goaded her about being boring, and then also ends up in Keefe's room to spite Stina

Sophie and Stina are both studying to be veterinarians (the college situation is a mix of how I know american colleges work and how they work in my country)

Biana I was thinking fashion design and/or art. Keefe also art

Also I got an anon after I asked for hcs that mentioned poli-sci/law for Fitz but also culinary so I was thinking he started poli-sci/law at Alden's behest (like Alvar) but then changed majors to culinary. I was thinking to give him and Biana issues with parental expectations and all that (but probably not super detailed)

Dex's major was mechanical ingeneering, and also he and Biana are dating

Also the reason Sophie was spending spring break with Biana and not the Reuwens was that Jolie and Vertina were in their honeymoon, and Grady and Edaline got excited so Sophie and Amy convinced them to go on their own couples trip, and then Amy made plans with her roommate so Biana invited Sophie to Everglen

No one knew Keefe was gonna go too. I was thinking he had a fight with Cassius about the party the morning after so Fitz told him to just go to Everglen with him

and I think that was it. i'm sorry it wasnt more joliexvertina centric, I hope you enjoyed it anyway

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

The Case of the Greater Gatsby Episode 15 "Say You'll Be There" and Episode 16 "Torn"

And… we’re back! It’s a been a bit, between the hiatus, my decision to re-listen to the entire podcast before checking out new episodes, and then me simply not feeling like comedy podcast discussion in the immediate wake of the 2024 American election. But here we are, and I’m ready to talk some Greater Gatsby. And by some, I of course mean “way too much.”

Full theorizing under the cut!

Let’s start with Dash and his latest mysterious and inexplicable appearance, albeit this time in a more passable disguise. As interesting as his abrupt showing at the Los Angeles Shady Palms Penitentiary is (I see what you did with that name, Persauds, and I love it), I’m more compelled by his equally abrupt departure. Fig and Ford spend an inordinate amount of time getting Dash out of their way, so it’s noticeable when he actually leaves of his own accord. So why did he skulk off? It seems most likely that he was off to report about Fig’s post-mortem request, especially since Claudette later mentions how closed-off Hypatia has become. But can we say that for sure? It’s worth noting that the only other person present for every single one of Dash’s appearances (as far as I recall, and not counting the Christmas special) is not Fig or Ford but Wilhelmina. She was at the movie lot, Fig and Ford’s office when Mel, TD, and Dash all appear, at Bixby’s for the disastrous information heist, and now at the Penitentiary. I’ve been thinking that Dash had something to do with the dispersal of the threatening letters, but what if it’s the opposite? What if, after the arrival of the first letter, Roger hired Dash to keep an eye on his beloved wife? Honestly, Roger feels like one of the few characters in this story who would actually hire Dash for anything. This certainly doesn’t explain why Dash left when he did, but it makes a sort of sense otherwise. I should also note that all of Dash’s appearances except for the information heist could also be tied back to TD, but that one exception is too big for me to think anything’s there.

But also, ROGER IS BACK! I love Gabe, I love Roger, I’ve been awaiting his grand entrance for literally over a year, and it didn’t disappoint! Roger successfully producing movies and more importantly merch from prison is a brilliant joke. While we didn’t get confirmation that Roger is the other producer Fitz was considering selling Greater Gatsby (I’m a little annoyed at Ford for not asking about that, to be honest), he does seem like he’s building up to something big, keeping his name on the map and developing the personal infrastructure to do something on the scale of Greater Gatsby upon his release. But what TD have to do with it? Is Roger working with the Hammermeisters on plans to make or hide Greater Gatsby once the script is found? After all, TD’s inclusion in the prison scenes has to be important…

Speaking of important, we FINALLY got around to revisiting arguably the single most important character in this story: Citizen Jasper Fox. We get an explanation for his incorrect account of the night of the murder—he was “bullied” into lying by Mo Beats—but I’m honestly not satisfied that that’s all there is to him. Shipwrecked, don’t think I’ve forgotten that he spent a good portion of his first ever scene railing against all the sequels and adaptions in Hollywood. He’s the first person in the show to openly espouse the opinions apparently held by our mysterious letter threatener, and I do hold that against him. Also, the question remains—why exactly is Mo Beats covering up so much evidence? Is he obscuring the crime to protect the guilty, or to stop other investigators from solving it before he does and depriving him of a nice, shiny promotion?

It’s too bad that Ford can’t hand himself a similar promotion, because the tie pin in Sheilah’s curtains is a fascinating find. While I suppose the pin could simply read “Ben,” I think we can all agree that it’s more likely the initials “B.E.N.” and that those initials most likely belong to Barnaby Nightingale. And this probably means Barnaby was Citizen Jasper Fox’s mysterious intruder, and also that he’s probably after the tapes. He’s one of the few people to know that they exist. But was he looking to cover up the murder, delete evidence of his threat to Fitzy, protect Vivian and his marriage, or do something else altogether? Alternatively, if Barnaby is the killer (a big “if”), his tie pin could have become caught in the curtains during a physical fight with Fitzgerald. However, we do know that Sheilah cleaned the house in preparation for Zelda’s arrival, and it seems unlikely that someone of her observational power wouldn’t spot the pin.

Now for the real wacky theorizing I know everyone expects from these posts. Assuming the tie does belong to Barnaby, the B and the N initials are obvious and known, but what about the E? My current wild-bonkers-and-almost-definitely-not-true conspiracy theory is that the “E” stands for Eugene, and Barnaby himself is the missing Punchwhistle triplet. He does makes a joke earlier in the show about how the real Barnaby Nightingale was a deceased soldier who’s identity he stole, so what if he wasn’t completely kidding? What if Barnaby Nightingale is a fiction, whether completely made up or stolen different original man, that Eugene created for himself, adopting “E” as a new middle initial as tribute to his former life? After all, one of the few things we know about Eugene is that he always knew what to do, and Barnaby is somehow always able to come out of top. The last time we saw Lex, she and Rex were left passed out and unattended with Ford’s case notes. What if Lex woke up, and perused Ford’s notes to find the lead that Rex mentioned after her disappearance? And what if that thing she found was about Barnaby? If the lead to Eugene’s identity is hidden in Ford’s notes, there’s only so many people that could be. Also, if Fitzgerald found out about Barnaby’s real identity in the pursuit for Greater Gatsby gossip, that could give him yet another notice for murder….

On the other side of things, new character Juniper gave us and Fig a surprising amount to think about with her twin revelations: that she used to date a PI and that Sheilah is running a new gossip radio show with a lot to say about Fig. Does Sheilah still believe that Fig is trying to get back into the newspaper biz, and is running an advance smear campaign to head off any potential competition? Or is she simply getting revenge after what Fig did to her toilet? As for Juniper’s PI Boyfriend, is that possibly Ford’s deep dark secret that must be protected at all costs? That, despite his aversion to Hollywood, he dated an up-and-coming starlet? It doesn’t seem all that likely, considering how willing he is to admit his attraction to Vivian (though to be fair, being attracted to an actress and actually dating one are two very different things). On the other hand, there is a similar sultry vibe to Mary Kate’s and Krystina’s voice performances. And that revelation would be a very cute and silly answer that doesn’t tarnish our image of Ford as a character.

Other thoughts and observations: -I really don’t see Whitley as the murderer, a work feud over Great Gatsby is a little too blunt and obvious a motive, but it’ll be interesting to learn just what his spat with Fitzgerald was about (Whitley’s lack of care for the source material, perhaps? If Grapes of Wrath is anything to go by) and how it fits into the larger mystery. -The maroon fabric on the tapes is interesting. A couple of episodes back, Donald mentioned how Vivian sometimes wears red—is that what the fabric comes from? If so, it could mean nothing—we know Vivian used to play around with the tape recorder before Fitzy’s murder. Though both Nightingale’s leaving clothing bits behind as evidence seems a little too convenient… could someone be setting them up?

Alright, onto the next two episodes! Apparently this next one contains answers about the Christmas Party???? EXCITED!!

[blazing-dynamo]

So, I’ve been looking at my gender for a while now. A few trans friends think I’m an egg, and I relate to basically every lesbian content on the internet.

But I don’t experience dysphoria at all.

In fact, I don’t even think of my gender at all even when pressed, which is why I’m pressing harder to try and root out a truth or two.

Someone somewhere said that Gender is a 3D matrix, with the X axis being identity, the Y axis being expression, and the Z axis being importance.

And so my identity and expression have been like 100% male, 75% masc, and -infinity important. I’ve never cared. I just use he/him because it was given to me and it’s whatever why not.

So me and my partner (they/she) have jokingly referred to me as a “non-practicing agender he/him lesbian.”

I’m also like, weirdly very Asexual for someone who has sex frequently. It took me a long time to figure this out because of the sex, and because of all the porn and jerkin off in my life.

But after my roommate (my ex-wife and coparent) got her new boyfriend and they fuck a lot and loudly constantly, and constantly are wanting to do more sex, I realized that sex has NEVER been an urge to me.

Not like, as anything besides “man I could go for a cheeseburger right now”. Never a carnal need. Just a “that sounds like fun!” Yknow?

And I’ve done a bunch of probing and searching around there and went from Bi, to Demi, to Grayce to just plain Ace.

I’ve ALSO realized that I don’t really have a difference in romance and friendship. I’m a stardew Valley Character, I have 8 levels of friendship, that if we get to level 9, I wanna kiss you on the mouth. And when we are at levels 9 and 10, I am very friendship-first, there’s just extra kissing involved. I still wanna like, show you an obscure anime I’m obsessed with and play Mario kart, not necessarily do capital R romantic gestures.

I’ve also also gone on the journey from “gifted” to “lazy” to “burnt out” to “ADHD” to AuDHD throughout my life. Turns out all my quirks were symptoms! Who knew?

Which then leads me to the point of this post:

You know who else is an AuDHD, Agender (but defaults to he/him most of the time because it was given to them and who cares) Asexual Friends-to-Lovers Grayromantic, panromantic, he/him lesbian who only sorta presents masc?

[ALT: a photo collage of all of the numbered Doctors from Doctor Who]

That’s right, everyone’s favorite renegade time lord, The Doctor.

No wonder I’m so obsessed with them.

The most Masculine Doctor dressed like this:

[ALT: the Third Doctor. He’s dressed like a silly magician man]

And he’s ABSOLUTELY a uhaul lesbian. “Hey I met you 43 minutes ago, do you want to move into my house? It travels through time”

He’s a he/him, and even when he was a She, she was only a she because it fit and made sense, not because of her identity.

And every single one of his Romantic partners, Rose, Yas, Fitz, Charley, all have the exact same trajectory as his best friends, Sarah Jane, Donna, Amy, he just goes a little farther to say he loves them romantically.

So yeah. My gender is Doctor Who.

Thanks for listening.

[awkwardbsd]

Due to not-so-recent scandals, how would you guys feel if Fitzgerald got re-cast?

Context: Takahiro Sakurai, Fitz's VA, confirmed he cheated on his wife with at least two women for over a decade.

[aronora8]

Now that I have all the headshots lemme give you a comprehesive guide of

The Fitz Family!

Well well, if you're asking why am I making content of my fave Flipline fan theory again, lemme tell you I have a LOT on my sleeve I wanna talk about. As I have been drawing more of them, and also been getting some new followers, I wanted to create a post that can share a lot of info about where I stand on the Fitz family and the Fitz is Radley's dad theory in general- And well, you're reading that right now, so buckle up!

I'll go over all the 6 main characters (one fan character and one fan design of an existing character) and I wanna talk some stuff about their motives, where they stand in relation to each other etc. Starting with the patriarch!

TW warning: Mention of accident, mention of death

Professor Fitz

Fitz is the oldest member of the family and also the one who probably keeps the most secrets. Having married young, he's been always there to provide to his late wife, Anise- After they got into a freak lab accident connected to the warp keys, however only poor Isaac made it out alive. That left him to raise his three kids alone, his oldest, Radley, his middle daughter Petrona, and Marcus who was still a baby when the accident happened.

Anise

She's the most mysterious Fitz family member, not having any info about where she's from or what she did before marrying her husband; the only thing that's known about her is that she really loved and cherished her family, especially doting on her eldest son, Radley. Her death led to the downfall of the family, affecting even her grandson who she never could meet.

Radley

The oldest and supposed heir of the family, Radley has been showing signs of genius since he was a toddler. Being the oldest has always pushed him to do the best, and he looked up to his parents for that, especially to his mom, who he had the better relationship with. He was around 8-10 when Anise passed away, and that has changed him greatly, impacting his relationship with Fitz, who he always blamed for her passing. That later results to an argument between the two, which in turn, results to Radley meeting his old demise. By turning into a radish but that's a story for another day

Petrona

The second born of Fitz and Anise, and the only daughter. She's always been a strong-willed person and was keen to keep the family together. Out of the three kids she has the best relationship to her father, being the only one who regularly visits him.

She also became a mom around her early-to mid 20s. She's VERY overprotective of Iggy.

(Nu)Marcus

The youngest of the three siblings. Being only few months old when Anise passed away, he didn't get nearly as impacted by her passing as his sister and brother did. He's always looked up to Radley, finding his dad very lame. After what happened to his older brother it was only a matter of time till he left Fitz too, deciding on making a business of his own, from the smarts he has.

Iggy

Iggy is the youngest Fitz family member and the only granchild of Fitz and Anise. Not entirely sure about what happened in his family, he spends his time mainly with his mom Petrona, and his grandfather, who adores his company greatly - Fitz has always acted as a father figure to him, since his dad isn't exactly in the picture. Being naturally curious however, it's only a matter of time before he finds out the truth; And no matter how we put it that's going to impact things.

That's all for now! Have fun reading it all <33 If you have any questions about the AU/theory, go ahead!

[zealsoughtsequesterustanxiedemon]

Realized I finished Mushoku Tensei S2 and never posted about it on here. It was good. I liked it. Stuff from all over the place that I liked (loooooong):

Rudy tries a rebound relationship with a girl like Eris, he absolutely beefs it in a way that is very understandable

Said failed relationship actually also ruins his relationship w/ all of their mutual friends (this shit actually happens IRL)

Erectile Dysfunction is a major plot point

He gets another father figure (he seems really drawn to those) who treats his problems seriously and practically

Show continues to have sex as a core element and is actually pretty normal about it (including being p respectful about sex workers)

Fitz making Rudy question his sexuality

Having someone else who got isekai'd in a way completely different from Rudy

Said person wanting to go back to non-isekai and that making Rudy feel like shit for all his regrets

Sylphie actually having an elaborate, but awkward plan for making Rudy remember her (and it totally succeeding)

Finding the love of his life doesn't automatically solve Rudy's ED issues (they actually need medication for it, but the combination gets him there)

Rudy almost reliving his abandonment trauma and crying when she comes back in the morning

The question of "How do you get married?" being answered with "You get a house together, I think"

Rudy bouncing back and being a total horndog once his ED is fixed, to which his wife can only go "Oh, Rudy" and embrace him happily

Norn

Norn is just great, they made her a mirror for Rudy, one where he can help save his old self, but also her own person

Norn is a great reminder of where Rudy came from, that he really is that privileged now even if he has his own problems, AND the he can still be criticized in world

She's someone who can like Rudy, but can never really fully accept him for his faults

Perfect that she is the one who pushes him to go to save their mom

Nice little tidbit that teleportation is funky w/ time

Orsted stores his clothes near teleporters lel

Rudy saves Roxy in a way to make me genuinely believe she falls for him before she knows who he is

Her being saved doesn't actually make her look helpless, she somehow survived in a dungeon for a whole-ass month

Paul is still his same old flawed self, but he gets to actually show off in front of his Son and look cool

He foreshadows that he's going to have The Talk with Rudy later, but the talk is about Polyamory and he hints at with a dual-wielding metaphor

The dungeon boss is actually some pretty stereotypical video game monster

They have to back out of the fight and regroup

Paul acting irrationally as soon as his wife comes into the picture

Rudy metagames about burning the Hydra's heads, but it doesn't feel cheap because it's just a video game monster

The hydra attempting to ripoff it's burned stump to regrow it's head, and the dungeon group being able to handle that and adapt in real time

Rudy and us being unaware of Paul's fate until we see it at the same time

Zenith not even being okay after the fact

The man god really lived up to his word, Rudy really did regret going there even if he couldn't choose anything else. Horrible pain was waiting there for him

Roxy taking advantage of Rudy. IMO it was so satisfying for his childhood crush, this girl we knew was going to become a real romantic interest that has been hanging over the plot since early season one, to enter his romantic life at a point that is so messy

The woman who is cursed to have sex all the time, who is about to commit to a monogamous life, gives him the polyamory talk

That he walks into it knowing it will be messy and upsetting, but that doesn't mean people won't be happy, I mean his dad, mom, and maid are the perfect example of that

Norn is the one who tells him off, and she is both right to and wrong to (think of your sister Norn!)

Sylphie is actually very accepting, she p much expected this when he was going on a big trip ("well he's not going to have me to fuck"). There's a real power to accepting your man is a complete horn dog and loving him for it.

Sylphie and Roxy actually get along v well and I totally buy it (v shippable)

Norn starting to learn swordsmanship to take up her Dad's sword (Rudy was not going to do it)

Rudy coming to accept that despite him coming into this world with his past life's worth of knowledge, Paul really was his father

This whole combined season has really made it a point for this world to simultaneously attach Rudy to it more AND confront his regrets from his old one. It's nice. It's like it's a good isekai story or something

Stuff I didn't like (much shorter, but still v much problems):

The story was a little too homophobic with how it had Rudy "no homo" his way into denying Fitz was a boy

Just make Rudy actually thinks he's bi. You don't have to go through the process of actually accepting it before the Sylphie reveal, the story is much less homophobic (also it would be make the dual-wielding talk with Paul even funnier)

It does the "Ethical Slave Master" thing

[epic-kotlc-crossover]

Suffering & Different Beast 2.0

heyyyy enjoy this slightly better version of the thunder saga~

@thesfromhms @sombrathedragon @myfairkatiecat @imnotskyguy-remake @bookwormgirl123

@ham-cheese-toastie @justalunaticfangirl

Many weeks after leaving the Underworld, on a calm day of travels, Fitz heard a splash from the side of his ship. He held up his hand to signal the crew. Stop. 

“Fitz? Is that you?” a voice called from the water. It couldn’t be…

For a moment, almost sounded like his first mate, Keefe. But surely he was imagining it. “Sophie?” Fitz’s voice cracked as he raced to the side of the boat. He leaned over and saw his wife sitting on a rock jutting out of the waves. Her long golden hair billowed out behind her in the salty ocean wind.

“Fitz, after all these years, don’t you miss me?” She asked, hurt in her striking brown eyes.

“Of course I do.” His voice shook as he reached out to her. 

“Then jump in the water and kiss me,” she said, smiling playfully.

“Sophie, I’ve told you so many times: I’m afraid of the water.”

“Oh, darling, I’ll make sure you remain safe. Now come play with me and our son!” Sophie laughed. Fitz couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard that sound. It was amazing.

“I really would love to, but you know I’d prefer my feet on solid ground.”

“I would keep you from suffering,” Sophie reassured, her brown eyes flashing with reassurance.

“I don’t doubt that you would.”

“Then come into the water!” Fitz heard the urgency of Sophie’s voice.

“Okay, fine. But first, can you answer a few questions?”

Sophie batted her lashes. “Of course.”

Fitz sighed in relief. “Okay, so, let’s pretend I was on the run from Poseidon. And let’s say he blocked the way home with massive storms and giant waves. Which route should I take to avoid him? How do I get home?”

Sophie’s face fell. “The only way home is through a place he’d never dare to go… It’s through the lair of Scylla.”

“No,” Fitz whispered, leaning back in shock.

“It’s your only way.”

“But.. Scylla has a cost.” Fitz's mind was whirling. Scylla, Scylla, Scylla. Greet the world with open arms, Fitz. The last voice was Dex. His friend, his brother in arms… He shoved the thought away.

“Well, you asked me and now you know, so jump in the water!”

“Sophie, you know I would die for you, but can’t you let me stay dry on the boat?” 

“Just, please,” she pleaded, “come into the water.”

Fitz sighed and straightened his back, shaking his head. “The things I do for you, Sophie.” 

Just as he was about to jump, he stopped, a glare marring his features. 

“Let’s cut this charade, you aren’t my wife! You’ve been trying to kill me this whole time. I know underwater there are more of you hiding. That’s right, I know you’re a Siren.” He spat the last word with disgust.

“How do you know that?” Sophie asked, fear making its way onto her face. But that wasn’t all… her entire body was changing, growing horrible bat wings, her hands sprouting into claws. She had fangs too, perfect for dragging sailors into the deep.

“Well, for starters, my real wife knows that I’m not scared of the water. And my real wife knows I don’t have a son!” Fitz shouted. Already more sirens were emerging from the depths of the inky black ocean, fangs bared.

“And,” Fitz added with a smirk, “while we were chatting, you didn’t notice your friends got captured.”

“WHAT?” The siren yelled. She whipped her head to the side, eyes widening as she noticed the empty waters beside her. 

“Since the Underworld, I’ve decided: I’m done suffering.” He gestured to his crew behind him, and then added, “We are a different beast now. No more of us will die because of you. We are men made into monsters.” He finished in a low snarl.

Keefe stepped forward and handed Fitz his bow and arrow. When Fitz took it, his fingers brushed his first mate’s hand. Keefe cleared his throat and said, “Captain, what are your orders?”

“Kill them all.”

Screams rose from the waters as his crew murdered the packs of sirens ruthlessly. Fitz helped, aiming his arrows at the siren disguised as his wife. She dodged, hissing and splashing salty water at his eyes. 

While she was frantically dodging his arrows, Fitz said, “When we were trying to escape Poseidon, we found a ship with no crew and figured out it must be sirens. We put beeswax in our ears and I played along when you pretended to be my wife. I read your lips and you were very helpful, but now that I know how to get back to Ithica, we don’t need you anymore.” He grinned evilly as the siren gasped. He used her momentary distraction to aim an arrow right between her ribs.

Aim.

Pull back. 

Fire. 

One of Athena’s many mantras from his years of training rang through his ears as blood spilled from the siren. Her scream was drowned out by all the others.

All I hear are screams.