#Filled with Anxiety

[kakusu-shipping]

*Grabbing David Camp Camp by the throat* You did this to me.

[kalkoen-uit-de-oven]

distressed abt my father’s degrading health 

and thus its time to clean the toaster 

[uglypastels]

for anyone interested, i am still writing pirate!eddie and i am very excited to do so but also terrified that its been too long since i posted it

[drlooneylegs]

Allow me to experience, to feel, to be.

Allow me to exist, pursue and feel free.

[rotdotmp3]

h

[inkskinned]

i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.

"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.

my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.

i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."

"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."

"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[somegrumpynerd]

Okay hear me out

Nightmare asking Killer if there's anything he wants and Killer says he wants to go see Color in the omega timeline. He hasn't seen him in a while and he misses his friend, but Nightmare takes this to mean he wants to leave and stay with Color permanently.

He agrees, because even though it makes him deeply sad to lose one of his men, he needs to let Killer go and live with other mortals and be happy. Killer texts Color and goes to pack a bag and Nightmare opens a portal and takes him to the omega timeline. They meet Color and he's looking very suspicious of Nightmare while Killer runs up all excited and off they go.

And Nightmare goes back to the castle. He spends the rest of the day in a weird daze, feeling kind of empty. When the others inevitably ask where Killer is, he hesitates and tells them he's in the omega timeline and doesn't elaborate further.

Eventually he shuts himself in his office for the night and just sits at his desk, staring into space. He's glad Killer's happy, of course, but it still hurts that he's gone. What is he going to tell the others when they start asking again, after it's been too long to be a simple visit? Will they all want to leave? They probably all have places to be, maybe he should let them go, would that be better for everyone? If Killer, who was always so eager and happy to be here, wanted nothing more than to get out, what does that mean for the rest of them?

This is the beginning of the end, isn't it? He'll have to let them all go, and then he'll be alone. Just like when he and Dream were kids and Dream would go off with his own friends. Except he can talk to Dream now, can't he? Maybe he should ask him about this. If nothing else maybe Dream would agree to visit him, once they're all gone.

But before he can pick up his phone and call his brother, it starts buzzing and it's Killer like "Okay I'm ready to come home now c:"

[kalkoen-uit-de-oven]

Sometimes you gotta live, laugh, love

And other times you gotta unalive, slaughter and hit with a club

[cubbihue]

POV: It's first godchild is a bit. Hrmn.

Wolf oc by @bunnieswithknives

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

My rendition of @tempo-takoyaki's DTIYS!

Congrats on the milestones! And to everyone else, please go check out their 'Drawing TGCF (except I haven't read the books)' series!

[inchidentally]

https://x.com/pitstoplando/status/1810031930643259748 just kiss already please <3

THIS. THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF HAVING YOUR OWN LITTLE WORLD.

[hello-eeveev]

I’m rotating the “his name is Bren, and he is very intelligent” scene in my head again, but not for the reason you think.

Essek’s vibes in that scene are very different compared the ostensibly similar interaction from episode 95: Essek makes passing reference to a partner, Bells Hells inquires further, Essek answers. But while his response in e95 exudes warmth and affection, now he is strangely… matter-of-fact? oddly serious? distracted? without apparent cause for this change.

I used the transcript version to label the scene, but in reality, the cadence is more like, “His name is Bren. And he is, um… very intelligent.” And during that pause, his brow furrows and he looks down, and his face stays there for the rest of the sentence and halfway into the next one.

I’m struggling to triangulate the tone of voice because it’s not quite dismissive, but it does seem like he is trying to sate their curiosity and be done with it, which is, again, quite unlike how he spoke about Caleb in e95.

Then he sighs and says, “I’m sorry. If my anxiety shows, there’s something about—I dislike not knowing what’s coming, especially given the stakes […]. There are few things I hate more than not knowing.” And I thought that was interesting because 1) relatable, but more importantly 2) he made a mental jump over the course of that sigh and I needed to know what it was.

It’s an easy enough conclusion to come to: his vibes were off because he was anxious. He’s anxious because he’s dealing with a lot of unknowns.

It’s a small character detail and it’s not new, but this instance of it has been spinning in my brain all day. Essek shutters himself a bit when he’s anxious and in new situations. He isn’t necessarily short in his answers and he doesn’t quite have a flat affect, but there is an emotional shuttering. I’m not sure if he’s cutting himself off from his emotions as well or just others—that could be an interesting facet to explore—but it makes him hard to read and he comes off weird. And I love it, it’s such a tasty character beat om nom nom nom

And! While I think it was pretty obvious that he was doing this conscious letting down of walls a lot as he befriended the m9, look at how quick he is now to articulate what’s happening and adjust accordingly! It’s still a little awkward and disjointed, but he’s been practicing over these seven years!!! I’m proud of him!!!!

[gendergraveyard]

Hyperactive boys rule. Like hell yeah scream and make fun noises at me I love that shit. I’m literally gonna kiss you.

[buttercupshands]

Finished themmm

Accidentally

I planned on going to bed early as a celebration, but then I looked at my unfinished pf of Siffrin in the sketchbook and boom couple of hours of sketching, lining and coloring and the beans are now officially paper figured

I can now randomly take photos of them in a forest whenever I feel like it. I have couple pfs on me every day just in case of this happening

[pianokantzart]

Obsessed with his little "I really want to help you up, but I'll give you a moment to let me know if you actually want me to help you up" gesture