#Family is hell

[sammygender]

spn thesis statement

[deanjohn]

FATHER TRAIT ANGER

it lingers for your whole life, Katie Maria | Emma Parker | Aaron Smith, Ruined | veniennes | Rupi Kaur | Patricia M | Halsey | Unknown | “Cut,” by Catherine Lacey

[preseriesdean]

Mommy’s    gone .

[girlblogger222yara]

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

the fact is, i don't believe john abused his sons in the way most people think. maybe he spanked them a little as a kid, but i dont think he whipped them or really beat them, i don't think he sexually abused them, i think his biggest crime was child neglect inherent to the kind of nomadic and revenge-focused life he led after mary died. that IS a form of child abuse, especially fostering emotional incest and codependency, but he wasn't bad because he was abusive in the more tangible way people think.

HOWEVER. supernatural uses possession of the winchester family, especially john in "devil's trap," to bring out sexual undertones between john and his sons, especially dean (i'm looping in sam, too, though, because if you don't believe there's anything sexual between azazel and sam in "devil's trap," you're lying to yourself). this isn't to prove that john was sexually abusive, but it instead brings dean's flustered emotional state and pseudo-sexual worship of his father to the forefront, as well as inversely, bringing out sam's desire to escape, instead of dean's desire to please. yellow-eyes knows how to prey on each of them using john's meatsuit in very personalized ways. but the highlight is again more of a freudian approach to child-parent desire, not a abusive parent-child one. on the other hand, it exacerbates the child abuse john did inflict on his sons by neglecting them, here, a sexual metaphor for that. that's the reason why they're even in this situation in the first place.

[horrorshow]

When this is all over, walk away, and never look back. You have no other choice. There's a big difference between dying and never being born. And trust me, we're okay with it, I promise you that.

[cats-healing-diary]

I love how my mom is like no we’re a perfectly normal family, but the second she leaves the house no one fights anymore and we all leave our rooms. But yeah sure I’m the problem mom

[lilitusworld]

TW - Family Vent ❀ my past <3 pt.1

my step-mother

my parents divorced when i was in grade 4. neither my mother or father had dated (with my awareness) until grade 8. where my father had met a woman online, they had been on a few dates and became official before i had known.

at this time i was shared-custody between both my parents and was very excited to have another older female representation in my life, as in my early-mid teens my mother and i never got along. but who did really...

when i first met her we got along quite well, i was very excited to go to nail salons and shopping trips. however, walking into my fathers home after a week at my mothers the house was different.

everything changed, the living room, decorations, kitchen. it was like a different home. turns out, my step-mother moved in without my knowledge.

i felt a little pressure in my chest, but growing up i've learned to adapt quickly to environments so overall i seemed okay with it.

grade 9 came along... i fell into a chronic depression for 4 months. i couldn't bring my body to clean my room or myself. i wanted to d!e and i hated the world (typical angsty teen right??)

thats when my step-mother began to hate me... makes sense i was a horrible person when i was in this stage. it must have been confronting for her to never have a child than suddenly being thrown into the angsty teen stage.

i don't remember a lot from this period but i do remember yelling and screaming between us both...

ever since then she's hated me no matter how mature i tried to become. after a few years of trying to be kind just to be met with aggression i gave up and just avoided her at all costs. i still do to this day.

some significant moments i do remember that have impacted me (there are a lot more but they're insignificant i suppose) were:

17 - forgetting to wash my dishes (3 bowls and 2 glasses rinsed) before i left the house, i went to my friends apartment for a summer wine and swim. she messaged me freaking out. i called her in a panic and she responded saying "if you don't clean this by the time i wake up i will put this dishes on your bed, you're a dirty fucking pig". she had a 5am shift and i did not wake up... but when i did i woke up to my dishes in my bed with me.

ever since then i have had feelings of anxiety of forgetting anything in the household!

17 - as said previously i had been worried to be too much of a nuisance in the household. so i would time my washing with an alarm so i can hang it out before someone else uses it. i guess i timed it a few minutes late as i cam downstairs to my wet washing dumped on the ground in our backyard. it ended up ruining my year 12 graduation blazer with all the special notes from my friends and teachers.

18 - went upstairs for some water and she asked my to bring my plates from downstairs as 'half the kitchen was there'. i went downstairs and only had 1 plate and a glass which was mine that i kept in my room for decoration. i brought it up, washed up and went back downstairs. she quietly said "pull yourself together stupid girl" as i was closing the door but i heard her. I went into my room (i'm laying naked cause its summer and im hot hehe) and i can suddenly hear her footsteps running downstairs. i screamed that im naked and she yelled 'i dont care' and barged into my room. i could only cover myself with a pillow. she began screaming at me asking where the rest of the plates were and began rummaging through my room (she ended up breaking my MISS DIOR PERFUME WHICH HURT MY SOULL BROO i dont think it was intentional though) and couldn't find anything. turns out my dad was in the backyard with the dishes preparing for a dinner party.

i just don't know what to do guys. i don't know how to handle this. i've tried fighting back which just made it 10x worse.

i know she is not a villain and i haven't helped our relationship but i've tried so hard to not be in the way and to be respectful and mature.

i've tried being nice and it meant nothing to her. so now i just act like a monotone robot.

i have so much distaste i can't even look at her or communicate with her so i avoid it at all costs.

not to mention the amount of times she just walks into my room when i'm gone. i feel sick everytime i leave the house because i just feel she'll go through it.

i have no privacy and it makes me feel so emaciated. like i'm a disgusting bug on her shoe.

[hello-starlingfics]

SPN 4x16 On The Head Of A Pin has so many dark fucked-up parental things going on and I love it.

The scenes with Dean and Alastair are so claustrophobic and intimate, with Alastair paternalistic towards Dean in the darkest way. The comments like ‘daddy’s little girl’ and ‘all the poking and prodding’ and talking about John are just the most deliciously screwed-up stuff. Then cut to Sam with Ruby in a fucked up vampiric mothering parody as he drinks blood from her wrist, which feels both Oedipal and like it calls back to Azazel’s line about demon blood being better than mother’s milk. You can also draw a parallel from that to Mary’s original deal to allow Azazel into Sam’s nursery and feed him blood to save John, and Sam dealing with a demon and drinking blood to save Dean.

On top of that we get the angels and their god-daddy issues.

It’s the cycle of intergenerational trauma in full in just one episode. God, I love it so much.

Did Ben Edlund ever write a bad episode? And yes, the one with the fairies has its moments.

[twidiarie]

I am surrounded by four walls that promise to protect me from the elements

But the walls are thin, thin as my hair, thin as my skin and transparent.

Every surface is glass panes, scattered in shards, suspended in air

As I curl up on the ground

Bleeding

Glass is sharp, cuts littering my exterior, shards lodging deep into the tender flesh of my self, cutting through skin, muscle, bone.

my family

in name

the people I know

But they do not know me

I can see them

But they can not see me

They can see my flesh

But they can not see me

I clutch my heart protectively with my bloodied fingers

The glass will not expose it

I will not allow it, even as their eyes dart around

Vultures

They walk in circles, merry go rounding around me

Like seeing a car crash, they can not tear their piercing gazes, wandering eyes

they poke at the carnage and question

Why? Why?

How can this be?

The unforgiving chill of winter should not cause

My body to tremor, muscles quivering, shivering, the blood in my veins turning to ice

How can this be?

The beating sun, should not cause

the burning of my skin, melting the leather draped over my exterior

How can this be?

I am in a house

I am in a house

But I am no longer in a home

The windows and the walls have been destroyed from the inside

By the people, inside

Exposing my flesh

But never exposing me

It will not happen

I am in a broken house

I am in a broken house

I never had a home

[boywifesammy]

ok but metatron meeting god in s11 is beautiful and heartbreaking because he is THE fallen angel.

lucifer is the king of hell and castiel is the winchester’s kingpin but metatron? metatron is nothing. he is the sisyphus of humanity. he is doomed to rot amongst the lowest of existence and relive his worst mistakes ad nauseam. his pride has been beaten to a bloody pulp and his divinity taken from him, but still he reveres humanity. he is full of so much hatred and vitriol and fury but its because he flew too close to the sun. he loved too strongly, and he was abandoned.

metatron is such an intriguing character in general because he is such a cunt and so disgustingly awful in his self-satisfaction, yet still so vulnerable. he is a human that walks among angels. he is a meaningless speck in the larger picture. he knows he is flawed, he is pathetic, he is worth so little, yet he still stands up to his creator. he is the scribe of god who was left behind. he has spent countless millennia hidden away in awe of god’s creation, enraptured with their wit and ingenuity yet too scared to ever partake. he’s all sorts of awful and fucked up but when push comes to shove he gets up in chuck’s face and tells him he’s a goddamn coward and half the man that he loves.

yet despite this metatron talks about god with such awe. such reverence. god was his maker and his destroyer, his world and its downfall. god was everything to metatron, and he never forgave him for leaving. it filled him with such dismay and rage to be his most trusted confidant, the one to speak directly with the lord himself, then to be left behind in silence. i mean, just look at the way metatron describes him:

you are light. beauty. creation. wrath, damnation and salvation. why did you abandon us? why did you abandon me? you picked me. your light shined upon me, but then you left me. i prayed, every day. i know i am a disappointment, but you are wrong about humanity. they never give up. but you do. they are better than you are.

i dunno man. it just makes me feel all sorts of ways about the broken, bitter and twisted shell of god’s voice telling him that he was his first love and his first light, but that he’s also a coward. that an angel of the lord knows he is flawed of his own mistakes but that what god did to the world— and to him, was blasphemy, no matter how bright He shines. tis a stark reminder that supernatural is the Family Is Hell show and that generational trauma has roots too deep to cut loose.

[deanjohn]

Medusa with the Head of Perseus, Torrin A. Greathouse | The triple ouroboros, from a 16th-century Italian painting

[socialanxietygurl]

[girlblogger222yara]

When your home life gets so fucked up you have to move in with your bsf for a couple weeks <<<<

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

kripke, gamble, and the others put some kind of addictive cocktail into spn where it’s just enough homoerotism to make you go batshit insane but enough wiggle room that there are so many intricate readings and interpretations of the show, so many types of headcanons. it feels familiar and alien at the same time. it’s gothic just enough that it can’t be pigeonholed into the genre while at the same time using gothic conventions masterfully and in an atypical setting for a gothic story. it has conversations about american masculinity and relatable discourses on god and pries open the notion of the american nuclear family into something twisted and it feels like the midwest and has a dedicated aesthetic. it understands alienation! it understands abjection! it is both wildly queer and homophobic. it has terrible bigoted flaws and yet people from those marginalizations are drawn to it!! what the fuck!!!!!! this show is just so. yeah.

[horrorshow]

You should take a shower. I should take a shower. I’m gonna, I’m gonna take a shower now.