#FUCK YOU PHILLIP

[cod-dump]

Laswell: You’re the reason marines eating crayons is a stereotype

Graves: You look like you sold essential oils during college to pay for tuition

Laswell:

(Later)

Price: How the fuck are you alive??

Graves: I made her laugh. But the minute before she started laughing made me truly feel like I was about to die

[sky-is-the-limit]

"Anything you want." Sir, I made a puddle, and I'm swimming in it. I had to take a step outside and let the cold air hit my face before my uterus burns through my body. Thanks.

[raypowellapologist]

me getting ready to beat the living shit out of pip:

[rockabully]

DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GOD, BRANDON?

redraw of an old piece i did back in sept 2023, shown below the cut. i apparently forgot to upload it to tumblr when i drew it then.. gg.

ignore the mistake on phillip's pant legs ok. just ignore

[shadow0-1]

rabid dogs

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I’m going make you fall for a fictional middle aged war criminal

[stridersdiner]

Rancher!Graves x gn!Reader

Quiet mornings with Phil.

The ol' rambler house, on the ranch property.

For once, he sleeps in. Not by much, only just as the sky starts getting lighter. The sheets are crumpled over the both of you, legs tangled together and arms sprawled. He pulls you closer subconsciously as he slowly opens his eyes, grunting at the sight of one of the dogs staring up at him from your side of the bed.

He tries his best to slip out of bed without waking you, bless his heart, but it's difficult when he's just pulling himself off the mattress and you paw over his side, eyebrows furrowing when you don't feel him near.

"Sorry, sweetheart," he leans back down to kiss your forehead. "You can go back t' sleep if you want."

You pull at his shirt, trying your best to pull him back to sweet slumber, but his chest rumbles with quiet laughter.

"C'mon, baby, y'know I gotta get up." He runs a hand through your hair, thumb brushing over your cheek before his hand settles on the nape of your neck. "I'll make y' some tea, alright?"

He pulls away hesitantly, tucking you back under the blanket before he pads out of the room to brush his teeth. You drag yourself up eventually, clutching one of the brightly coloured throws around your shoulders as you make your way to the kitchen.

Phil can't help but smile as you waddle in, and he hugs you until the kettle starts whistling.

Mugs of tea and coffee in hand as you two sit on the big rocking chairs on the front porch. It's serene; gentle breeze brushing through the grass, birds chirping, dogs resting by their feet. He sighs, sinking back into the rocker as the sun pulls itself up from over the horizon.

He decides to take an easy day, making up his mind after making his rounds to check up on and feed the animals. The kitchen is warm, low hum of the radio as you work over the stove. He smiles as he kicks off his boots and pulls his gloves off in the mudroom, and he slips into the washroom to scrub his hands.

"Phil?" Called from the kitchen.

"Yes, puddin'?" He says, pulling himself around to the kitchen, wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans.

You turn you head to look at him over your shoulder, and you smile at him. His heart melts.

"Made us some breakfast."

"Little late for that, ain't it?"

He slides up behind you, strong arms snaking around your waist and his nose burying in the crane of your neck while he watches you twirl the handle of the spatula in your hand.

"Better late than never."

"Thank you, angel."

Babes that wanted to be tagged:

@mockerycrow @kivino

[pennyserenade]

i’m actually so serious about ewan mcgregor’s filmography. no one else is serious enough abt it. there’s so many incredible movies and about 90 of them are underrated or cult classics. star wars is great but it’s almost one of the least interesting things he’s done. there’s trainspotting! there’s moulin rouge! shallow grave! down with love! i love you phillip morris! big fish! perfect sense (devastating movie)! birds of prey!!! not to mention his season of fargo!!! where he plays not one but TWO characters and blows it so far out of the water i was genuinely sobbing by the end of it. like on my knees. good stuff

[poisonousquinzel]

"I'm nobody. I haven't done anything with my life like you have."

Todd Phillips, Scott Silver, Lady Gaga genuinely, lovingly, fuck you.

I will never forgive you. I hope every day your bones get softer and softer and then one day when you're not expecting it, I shall be there, and I will gnaw through your Achilles heel<3

[neimlise]

Hassan: Have you gone mad!? Do you even know who you’re messing with!?

(Y/n), replying for the others: Yup, and we don’t care.

[sapphia]

“actually voting doesn’t matter because america is uniquely broken” no you just have a flawed democracy and you think that everywhere else is some perfect electoral utopia because you don’t have an understanding of politics outside your own country. it’s not any less america-centric that your perspective is entirely negative instead of entirely positive while you ignore the international community telling you to FUCKING VOTE

[sky-is-the-limit]

Who’s most likely to facefuck their partner?? I’m thinking Price 🫣

𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒋𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔.

𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖��𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒕. 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓, 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉, 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒅𝒐��𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒉 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

''𝑾𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉, 𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒍?'' 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆-𝒄𝒖𝒎 𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆, 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.

''𝑨𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉, 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈.'' 𝑷𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚, 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕, 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒚, 𝒍𝒂𝒛𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉.

𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎. ''𝑺𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.'' 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒆, 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒌𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌, 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑾𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒐𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒂𝒍 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒌 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒂 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

 ''𝑮𝒐 𝒐𝒏, 𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒊𝒅. 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒍𝒖𝒕.'' 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒄𝒌, 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒃 𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉, 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒕.

𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒋𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒐 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕, 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆, 𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆. 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒔, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

''𝑬𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒏 𝒋𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒂 𝒂𝒔í, á𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍'' 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒆𝒄𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒚 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆, 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒋𝒐𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑, 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 ''𝒎𝒉𝒎'' 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒂𝒛𝒆 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍 𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒕. 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒏, 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏, 𝒍𝒖𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕.

[verdantcreek]

thinking about the reboot mw games collectively and it’s so sadly unfortunate because like. when put up against the other two, mwiii fails so visibly.

first of all you’ve got their thesis/emotional core, right. for mw19, it’s all about the personal motivation of being a solider, the cost of war on an individual. what it means to fight and discovering the importance of what you’re fighting for. for mwii, it’s about trust. the importance of knowing that your team has each others backs, the weight that it has between individuals. what happens when that trust is broken and how it’s found again through vulnerability, because that’s how you truly know you’re there for each other.

and then there’s mwiii..? you should let your sergeant kill a prisoner illegally so said prisoner, when he breaks out of maximum security prison, doesn’t kill your sergeant 4 years later? you should illegally kill people who piss you off (shepherd)? sure there’s the whole “never bury your enemies alive”, but where does that come in to play outside of the soap/makarov interaction? it’s definitely not a valid reason for price to kill an american general in his own office. they could’ve used it for graves if they wanted to take it a step further, but no— graves doesn’t betray the team again, for whatever reason. we’re expected to consider him just a much a member of the team as anyone else, and the narrative treats him as such outside of a few bristly reactions to his involvement.

secondly i take a huge issue with how characters were handled in mwiii. literally everyone is here, and there is no reason for several of them to be. alex felt like a cameo— you see him actually on screen for maybe 30 seconds. farah’s missions feel forced for the sake of her involvement. not that farah shouldn’t be in this game, but makarov’s flimsy reasoning for targeting the ulf is so clearly an excuse to involve her. it feels very random and transparent as a decision to reuse her character because she’s familiar. again with graves— why is he here? i still genuinely do not understand why they decided to retcon his death. it was a perfect arc for mwii to kill him, and him being alive adds absolutely nothing to the story. he has nothing to do in mwiii and there is zero reason for his involvement other than “people liked him in mwii and he has a cool accent.”

within the 141, it’s mostly rehashing of the growth/personality that each of them showed in previous games. none of them have an arc, except maybe price if you’re willing to call the *post credit scene* where he commits cold blooded murder a completion of an arc. gaz, soap, and ghost are static versions of themselves that simply are just … there for most of the plot. they’re not out of character or ruined, but none of them individually have anything going on that can’t be tied back to price.

i think a lot of it comes down to the way they tried to shoehorn mwiii into the original trilogy’s storyline. people loved those games, and nostalgia sells. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that makarov was a big marketing factor for this game— and that’s not to say that mw19 or mwii didn’t abuse that either, but in execution you can feel the difference. price, gaz, soap and ghost are all their own characters miles away from their original trilogy counterparts. makarov… isn’t. he’s a poorly written villain riding on the success of the original trilogy— he’s scary because he’s *makarov*, not because he’s a real threat. it’s cheap. the knockoff “no russian” mission felt insulting. it’s a callback with no real impact in the story, just simply “look! remember when we did this in 2009 and everyone loved it?”

and all of it culminates into a shit ending with shock factor that it tries to make you feel emotional. i’m not sad over this character death. i’m mad, because it’s unearned and lazy. i realize it’s a lot to ask a multi-billion dollar corporation to actually put effort into their stories, but… it’s such a let down when the previous games actually had at least an ounce of passion. i’m just still so disappointed with this game ruining what could’ve been a really interesting and unique story.

[cod-dump]

Price: Oh he's gonna be a right cunt about it--

Graves: *obnoxious gasp*

Price: what.

Graves: You kiss our boyfriend with that mouth??

Nik: He's done worse than that.

Price: I need both of you to leave.

[acrowbyanyothername]

Can Benoit Blanc’s stress baking English boyfriend have been like an assassin who was hired to kill him or something. I think that would be fun.

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

Once again I am threatening you with my taste in men