#Experiences some sort of emotion

[bumblingbabooshka]

When the only person who might understand what happened- understand. Not sympathize or empathize or comfort you but understand what happened, isn't there anymore. Or: 'A Man Made Me Do Something I Didn't Want To', for when you can't talk about it or look it in the eye [Patreon | Commissions]

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?

[katsigian]

Kinda hurts a little when you've spent years creating a specific character in a specific universe for hardly anyone to see them, only for someone else to do the exact same concepts and get applauded for it. Did I just do it that badly or something

I remember when I first made all of my OCs supernatural in early 2022. I was one of the first people in [redacted] fandom who made it canon and talked openly about how my OC were vampires. And I got harassed for it endlessly. People were in my asks and dms telling me it was cringe and overpowered and lame, and that I was dumb to think anyone would care. Regardless of all of that, I kept them around and didn't stop talking about them. And then everyone else caught on and also made supernatural OCs because I helped to normalize it. Which isn't the problem, make as many supernatural OCs as you like, I'm not telling people to stop. That's not what bothers me (I have to add that disclaimer bc someone will undoubtedly try to get offended).

I think what upsets me is that it feels like I talk into a void sometimes and it sometimes feels like I don't have a place to share the things I'm proud of. I have an entire world that I made and this intertwined network of 10+ original characters and I just don't know where to talk about them or how to talk about them. I know we're "supposed to create for ourselves" and to "share it for good reasons", but it's really hard to put myself in that mindset. I don't do it for clout and I never will, I love my characters too much for that. Maybe I've just been doing a bad job of sharing anything about my world and characters, that is highly likely. I just can't help but remember the times I did share things and they went completely unnoticed

Just a little bit of acknowledgement would be nice. I think I'd be happy with that. Just a little bit of acknowledgement for the way I've had to fight to have my supernatural OCs exist in a cyberpunk setting in a hostile fandom. Just a little acknowledgement of the months of effort I put into my characters. And that would be all. Or maybe I'll learn how to just ignore everything and just keep doing as I have been. Putting my head and continuing on, savoring those small bits of genuine friendly interest when they come my way. That's good too

[orcelito]

Like OK so I've been reading a fic with trans wolfwood in it that is so. HONEST. About how it affected him and still affects him. In a way that's very much not an average cis writer portrayal of a trans character.

Like. Either this writer is trans or did plenty of research, but it just feels REAL to me. And it has me thinking about my own way of writing trans Wolfwood.

I'm not there yet. But I've been thinking about it. The ways that what the EOM did fucked him up... but it also acted as HRT that affirmed his gender. So what do you do when you're in a body you don't recognize, but looks much more like a man than ever before? There's some gender euphoria in a way, but dysphoria at the same time bc you didn't grow into this. You didn't watch yourself transition. Suddenly you just Were this, and it's not you, but also it's nice to finally be seen as a man, but it also feels wrong to feel grateful for any part of what they did to you...

On and on and on

You see? This is what I want to think about with him. This is why trans Wolfwood is so compelling to me. It's just so Complicated, he'd have such Complicated feelings about his body and the way he lives with it. He learns this new body, it starts to feel more like his, but he also mourns the fact that he didn't get to watch it grow into this like he should've.

That kind of thing.

[july-19th-club]

favorite type of villanous characters are the ones whose motivations boil down to

like they dont even have to have any stakes in the broader situation. they just have take pleasure in destruction

[longagoitwastuesday]

Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

[gothicprep]

ngl whenever I see people try to argue that things like adhd, depression, anxiety, etc aren’t expressions of neurochemistry but are instead a reaction to capitalism or something diabolically stupid like that, it always makes me think of this old tweet:

if aliens landed on the planet tomorrow and their only measurement of earth culture was our posts, they’d probably think capitalism is a synonym for general malaise.

[lord-squiggletits]

Between TF and my other fandoms like BG3 and TES, I keep finding myself making OCs that have some element of "battle hardened hero who is actually good and righteous, but so traumatized by the toll of war that even after the war ends they feel empty/wrecked and can't enjoy the fruits of victory" and I'm not sure if it's bc I gravitate to a certain type of media where such OCs fit in best, or bc I have a specific character archetype I like and gravitate towards media that contains those things.

[happyk44]

It's kinda funny because w/ my Zeus kid OC (who I've been thinking about renaming as Araceli, 'cause it means altar of the sky, apparently, which I like 'cause sky-themed-ish but also like. A little bit I wanted something that meant cloud the way Coral's name means... Coral) the implication is that she takes after her father to an almost mirroring degree because I developed her and my other PJO OCs (who also all got retconned into an OG work) at the same time I was playing around with my ideas on the Big Six, and the gist at the time was supposed to show how the Big Six could've turned out if they weren't so weird.

So the dynamics of the friendship was supposed to be very similar to the dynamics of Big Six's relationship to each other (e.g. Mary having a major crush on Hera's "representative" but also being attracted to literally every other person that walked by, Nico being the soberminded big brother figure, etc). It's also one of the reasons Mary would get angry whenever someone would compare to her dad, because similarly I think Zeus would get angry if someone compared him to his dad.

And then eventually as I got older and the daydream moved around with whatever obsession I had at the time, the characters and general storyline began to change away from that in some ways but core features sort of stayed and so I ended up with a version of Zeus that ignores his daughter's pleas for help because he loves her but her pain hurts him because he can't do anything about it and it's his fault she's suffering.

She got this intensity from him, it's ingrained into the way it's ingrained in him. But he was able to rebuild the world according to his own needs and wants and beliefs. And she can't really do that. So he doesn't have any advice he can give her when she's on her knees begging for help with all the noise and pain in her head. He doesn't know what to do! It's like he can just go and rip it out of her.

But she's suffering because she's different and she's weird and she knows it and she knows it's his fault which is why she's asking but he just doesn't know and he can't handle watching her suffering and listening to her cry when there is no helpful answer to give her because "I don't know" isn't going to fix it.

He's supposed to fix things, he's supposed to have the answers. He's king of the world, by damn! He's a problem solver. He supposed to have a solution, and a million backup solutions. But he doesn't! There's nothing he can do to make the noise stop because truth be told, the noise never really stopped for him! It just got easier and quieter. So he turns away from her because he loves her and he's failing her and he can't handle that.

But also in the same breath, I think he recognizes similar aspects of himself in Jason, who isn't even asking for help, and fucking despises him for it, lol.

✨ Girl Dad ✨

[smile-files]

today i'm going home so i can get my flu shot and vote with my family... hopefully both go well

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[aropride]

Where do you get most of your autism info?

oo good question,, tbh a lot of stuff i just know cuz my both my brothers are diagnosed + my best friend growing up has it, so a lot of stuff i just kinda absorbed over the years from my family + friends. usually with factchecking that stuff i just google it and scan a couple sites that look trustworthy to see if it's something that seems widely agreed on or not before i say it conclusively

for specific online sources, i know the autism self advocacy network has a lot of good info, and embrace autism is also good. also spectrumnews.org and autistic women and nonbinary network <- these r all as far as i know but also i havent done like, a full background check on all of them so i might be incorrect

i think the main thing is double checking anything from social media or any article/news story/whatever with big red flags- it definitely varies and most of these things arent like, 100% indicators that something is wrong, more that the source might be biased or ableist or just outdated. but for me big red flags are -> allistic writer/speaker insisting on person-first language (tho thats still very common in psych spaces unfortunately), calling autism a "disease"/"epidemic" or saying it needs to be cured, the puzzle piece logo and "light it up blue" (red instead is the alternative movement for that, it's for autism Acceptance rather than awareness which is the movement with weird ableist undertones (overtones?)), that sort of thing. also checking for things written by autistic people or with imput from autistic people

also academic papers can be super dense (and somewhat ableist tbh) but they also have good information sometimes, so again just checking and seeing if there's other sources for stuff & if those look reputable

+ id say just in general be especially careful with stuff on social media bc ppl will Lie or misinterpret stuff or misremember or whatever and misinformation gets spread very very quickly . but also community is nice & can be incredibly helpful so it's difficult to completely disavow it yknow .

but yeah a lot of stuff ive learned from my family & friends over the years, and dont have super good specific sources for learning that sort of thing other than just hanging out with autistic people and absorbing stuff via osmosis HAHA but i hope some of that helps :}

[britneyshakespeare]

I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."

I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.

Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.

[steakout-05]

fanon craig headcanons because i'm making another one of these despite the fact that i already made 2 (i have chimp brain and i forgot i made 2 already just ssshhhhh)

ok absurdly long title aside. new thoughts about my little scientist man have spawned into my head i need to write them down,,, most of this is projection and very self-indulgent (and very gay) but that's what we do here on this blog babeeyy B) (also i was kind of sleepy while writing this so please excuse any sloppy writing

general headcanons

Craig is on the aroace spectrum, specifically demisexual and demiromantic. throughout his life, he's never really felt the "need" to be interested in other people in any way. he'd never felt attraction to anyone, he'd never really thought about pursuing a relationship with anyone, and the idea of him dating anyone felt foreign and strange to him because he just couldn't see himself doing that, especially not with a random stranger he barely knew. stuff like blind dating confused him. "why would you want to spend your life with someone you barely even knew yet?" was a thought that crossed his mind a lot whenever the topic would come up. for a while, he even considered himself completely aroace because of never feeling attraction to anyone before... that was, until he became close friends with Barry. the build up was gradual, but because of Craig never having been interested in anyone before, he initially didn't really recognise it as attraction until the realisation that he like-liked Barry suddenly hit him like a bag of bricks one day. it was like an instant "ohhh so THAT'S what i'm feeling" moment, followed immediately by panic. he could never let Barry know how he really felt, until it of course accidentally slipped out one day and he was super embarrassed about it until Barry admitted he kinda felt the same way about him, much to his shock (and relief). since then, the two have been dating for a little over a couple of years and have gone through a LOT of adventures with each other, growing closer and closer with every outing.

he's also not really sure what type of person he's attracted to yet. he's guessing he's probably either gay or pan for the time being.

Craig, as i've described before in earlier posts, is on the autism spectrum and was diagnosed fairly young. he ended up being diagnosed with the outdated term 'Aspergers Syndrome', as he was diagnosed well before the removal of Aspergers from the DSM in 2013.

Craig is very introverted. he's not shy per se, but he easily gets overwhelmed and overstimulated when around a lot of people and needs more than a few business days to himself to recharge. Barry, on the other hand, is an extrovert, and so him and Craig's needs often conflict with one another, leading to the occasional boyfriend argument.

Craig has chronic back pain and Vitamin-D deficiency, like most scientists at Legitimate Research. he gets exhausted quite easily and sometimes experiences painful headaches, which makes quite a few of his adventures with Barry a lot more difficult for him.

Craig is partially blind in his right eye due to the explosion that happened in 'Level 2', which ended up with a scar forming down his cornea. Craig never really had the best eyesight to begin with, but due to this incident, he now needs to wear prescription glasses underneath his visor. Barry feels kinda guilty about partially causing this to happen, but Craig has assured him that he doesn't blame him for the explosion damaging his eye and that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Craig is slightly taller than Barry, being 5''7. for reference, Barry is 5''5.

Craig is quite an ambitious and creative person, especially when he's highly emotional or focused, such as when he's doing anything related to his special interests. this made him a good friend and partner to Toni, who was also an ambitious and creative type, although Toni was quite impulsive and didn't exactly think through a lot of ideas until he was already finished developing and prototyping them. Craig was the anchor to his ship of creative endeavors, as he incorporated a lot more logic and practicality into his ideas.

backstory related stuff

Craig was a high-ranking scientist who worked at Legitimate Research around the same time as Toni and Peter Simpkins. he'd always had an affinity for science and mechanical engineering since he was young, as it was a pretty significant special interest for him. he would enter robotics and engineering classes and clubs during high school, and he eventually achieved so much academically that he ended up getting an invitation to fly overseas to study at a university in Australia, which was supposedly one of the most prestigious universities that offered many science and engineering-related courses (although oddly enough, it seemed to be funded by a "Legitimate Funding Co"). Craig had met Toni at university, the two studying in the same field together. they bonded over their common interests and creative ideas for machines and robots, and they often would spend hours throwing ideas around and developing what would later become some of Legitimate Research's weirder and wackier gadgets. Peter Simpkins was someone Craig met a lot later after getting his rank at LR, and while Craig wasn't as close with him as he was with Toni, he found his more upbeat, laidback and jovial personality to be quite endearing. oddly though, despite how upbeat Simpkins was, he was quite secretive about himself. Craig never really knew Simpkins that well before his untimely passing, which would happen only a few years later Craig and Toni became employees at LR.

when the news of Simpkins' death hit the high ranking scientists of Legitimate Research, it hit them hard. Toni was the most heartbroken and was utterly crushed with the guilt that something he had worked on directly resulted in the careless demise of his friend. not only that, but Toni had just been let go by the company within the same week following the failures of his experiments, which absolutely broke him. Craig, who was also grieving the loss of a fellow coworker, had attempted to provide some sort of comfort to Toni, trying to convince him that it wasn't completely his fault and that he'd never meant for it to happen, but it backfired incredibly badly, resulting in the grief-stricken scientist lashing out and breaking apart their friendship. Craig never saw or heard from Toni ever again since that day.

also: it's not exactly clear when and where Simpkins died canonically in Jetpack Joyride's story. it's said on the Legitimate Scientists' bio image that he died during the development of Mr. Cuddles, so it can be assumed he probably died when the 'Robot Bird' rock opera took place. Craig and Toni became scientists at Legitimate Research a few years before Barry discovered the laboratory, and everything went down a few weeks after Barry's first break-in.

i haven't fully crafted this part yet, but because of Simpkin's death and the incident pretty much breaking apart Craig's entire social circle, he decided to take leave and even considered resigning indefinitely. he felt as though the joy he'd once had for developing machinery had been fizzled out, and he was still just beginning to process everything that had happened. he'd planned to send out goodbye letters to his fellow coworkers, pack up everything he had brought over from university and stay back with his family throughout the grieving process.

this would never end up happening.

Professor Brains was overtaken by rage following the death of his closest friend, his decisions becoming much more rash, destructive and uncaring than before. much like Craig was an anchor to Toni, Simpkins was an anchor to Brains' more evil tendencies, and without him, he began to spiral into villainy. he developed a strict and harsh system of employment, having it be absolutely mandatory for every single non-clone employee to have their memories and names wiped, effectively brainwashing them and forcing them to be his slaves. Craig, unfortunately, happened to be one of the unlucky few to become a test subject to this system. almost every piece of identifying information about him was erased, including the memory of Toni, Simpkins' death and the aftermath (it was to prevent any free will from Craig), and he was booted down to being a regular blue-glove scientist (i like to think the gloves have meaning like the stripes) (they're like uniform colours and badges having separate meanings in star trek).

Craig's initial memory erasure lead to him developing an unhealthy habit of erasing any and all bad memories going forward as a sort of trauma response to something that was no longer accessible to his brain. the trauma imprinted on him before he could even process that he'd went through trauma at all, so now he just has this bad habit he can't remember the origin of.

potential story beats and headcanons related to that

i want Craig to have a character arc where he finally becomes more brave and action-oriented, standing up for himself more against the villains and even kicking ass in a few fights.

i also think a story where Craig becomes absolutely enraged at the sheer extent of Legitimate Research's unethical memory-wiping practises and how his life had practically been taken away from him with the promise of a good career doing something he'd love, by taking advantage of his gullible nature and eagerness to please authority. he and Barry hatch a plan to take over the entire establishment, free all the scientists and turn it into a sort of scientific haven for developing technology that would enhance the world, rather than technology made for evil.

with this revelation, Craig would go by two names, being his original one and the one Barry gave him, as he views the name Barry gave him as a symbol of rebellion. (i haven't decided on what his OG name would be yet,,, i'm bad with names lmao)

Craig kinda gets carried away with this idea though, and it doesn't get idealised until much later in the story where he takes a step back and reflects on his actions, admitting to Barry that maybe he was swinging too much in the direction of impulsivity from the inner need to be a more brave and active person.

also. i want a really super exquisitely gay scene where, probably around the middle of Craig's becoming more confident arc, he finally reveals his face to Barry. it's a slow scene. the two are resting somewhere outside, watching the stars together. they've been silent for a while, just admiring the twinkling sky in peace, before Barry looks over at Craig and notices he's looking a little pre-occupied with something to the point of nervousness. he's fidgeting with his hands and seems pretty uneasy. Barry asks him what's bothering him, and Craig's a little hesitant to answer. "Barry, I... I need to show you something". they get up and move to a nearby hill (i always picture this taking place on a hill), before Barry once again asks him what's going on. Craig explains that the two have been dating for such a long time by now, and their three year anniversary is coming up soon. he mentions that something really big and important has been bothering him for such a long time, only becoming more and more bothersome with each month that passes in their relationship. it's gotten to the point where he feels guilty that, despite how close they've become, he's essentially kept himself locked away behind a hazmat suit visor for so long out of his own selfish insecurities. if he doesn't do this now, he'll never be able to do it ever. taking a deep breath, he slowly pulls off his helmet, Barry staring with intense anticipation.

and there he was, fully unmasked, fully revealed to what felt like the whole world. and it was incredible. messy blond hair that was modest and reserved, yet ever so slightly daring in its flow. jade coloured eyes that caught the twinkling light of the stars perfectly. his scar, his nerdy little glasses that were taped together, everything about him, all of it took Barry's breath away. "I'm, uh... Sorry if it's not what you expected, Barry." Craig bashfully apologised, making to turn his head away, but the gentle touch of Barry's hands stopped him before he could. "Craig", he began, a big, gleeful grin forming on his face. the scientist could've sworn Barry's eyes were starting to become wet with tears as he continued to speak. "You're just as beautiful as I imagined."

they get married on the spot after that /j

also i got a little bonus headcanon/story thing that i was writing in the tags but couldn't fit in!!! it's related to the apple experiment he was doing during the Halfbrick Multiverse Madness events.

it's not really explained in the JJ2 canon as to why Craig is experimenting with this apple and why it works the way it does, so i'm putting my own explanation to it in this fanon. now i believe the Halfbrick Multiverse Madness came out before Nixie's boss was added??? i think??? i don't exactly remember when everything came out, but even if it was added after her appearance, i'm still going to have this experiment take place before Barry defeats all the main bosses and then have it come up again after he defeats them.

i just thought of a way i could implement this story beat happening in the background of the main story before it starts to become more of a central point again. like, maybe Barry, Betty and Robo Barry were all having a celebration for defeating all the bosses and the sectors, but Craig seems to be quite preoccupied and dissociated from everything going on around him because now he has more time to think about and develop the apple, and he just can't shake the thought that he's missing something very integral to his memory. Barry notices this odd behaviour, but he reckons he should wait until after the party's finished to ask Craig what's up. it starts to get very late into the night, and the party begins to quiet down. Barry figures that this is the perfect time to check up on Craig, but when he goes to look for him, the scientist has already disappeared. Barry becomes increasingly more concerned and decides to leave to go look for him at the lab. "Maybe he's just tired tonight," he thinks, but there's a pit in his stomach telling him that something's wrong, he just knows it. without turning back to tell his friends where he's going, he rushes outside and straps on his jetpack, flying over to the lab as quick as he can.

Barry dashes to Craig's laboratory room and pushes the door open, being met with a startled Craig who was hunched over his desk and seemed to be working on a blueprint of some sort. one of the papers he was working on flies off the desk with his startled movements, and Barry goes to pick it up. he asks Craig if he's okay and that he was acting a little strange earlier, and Craig quickly stands up from his desk and awkwardly brushes his odd behaviour off as having important scientific research to do that just couldn't wait, taking the blurprints back from Barry. the jetpacker in question suspiciously raises an eyebrow. he isn't convinced. "You don't sound too sure about that, mate." he says. "Why'd you wait until so late into the night to work on this thing? Are you hiding something?". Craig gets more frustrated with Barry's questioning, his tone quickly becoming more snappy and irritated. "Barry, this is very important work. I'm fine." He turns back to his desk, reaching for a white pencil so he can get back to working on his blueprints, but he's stopped when Barry pushes him once again. "Listen, Craig, I just think you're acting a bit--" "I'M COMPLETELY FINE, OKAY!? Quit prodding at me so much and let me get back to my work!"

Barry's expression falters, looking even more worried than he was before. Craig is immediately hit with a twinge of guilt, and he apologises. "Look, I-I'm sorry Barry, I'm just... I really need to get this done. This is really important to me and... Brains needs these blueprints in by tomorrow." he felt absolutely horrible lying to Barry like that, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell him what was really going on. Barry nods, before apologising himself.

"... Yeah, I get it. Sorry about that, I'll stop pushin' you about it. It's just that... I'm worried about you Craig, that's all." Barry's voice became more gentle and convicted as he spoke. Craig didn't respond. Barry smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle pat, shaking the scientist a little. "You take care and get some sleep, okay? G'night, Craig."

"... 'Night, Barry." Craig mustered as Barry walked out the door, closing it behind him. the scientist sighed, slumping back down at his desk, quietly fidgeting with his pencil. A wave of exhausted determination washed over Craig as his eyes scanned over the incomplete blueprints. he just needed to get this done, and then he could finally rest.

ignore the fact that this became a complete fanfic at the end lmao. these are my ideas and headcanons for what i want to do with my fanon Craig and i think they're intriguing enough to possibly develop into a full-fledged story :D there are so many possibilities to explore with him and i just find him to be an interesting little specimen to think about and rotate in my head like a 3d object looll

[corset]

What is the point of "family" by the way. I don't really get it