#and then we got there and i got the shot. eeeugh terrible

[smile-files]

today i'm going home so i can get my flu shot and vote with my family... hopefully both go well

[hgfstreamchats]

Elf

thenightetc 09:12 PM Hello!

thenightetc 09:13 PM I see we're getting in that holiday spirit this evening. :)

highglossfinish 09:13 PM Naturally!

highglossfinish 09:13 PM We've got to celebrate the rapid death of this horrible, horrible year.

thenightetc 09:13 PM Yes.

highglossfinish 09:16 PM How's the audio?

thenightetc 09:16 PM Hmmm, not hearing anything

thenightetc 09:16 PM there we go!

Starscreamillar joined the party.

highglossfinish 09:16 PM Evening!

Starscreamillar 09:17 PM Greetings.

thenightetc 09:17 PM Hello!

highglossfinish 09:17 PM Tersday.

thenightetc 09:19 PM Forty minutes in the microwave.

Starscreamillar 09:22 PM It just keeps happening.

highglossfinish 09:22 PM And we just keep letting it happen.

Starscreamillar 09:22 PM Truly, we are the monsters here. Message deleted

highglossfinish 09:26 PM Here we go.

Starscreamillar 09:26 PM Those are upsetting tights.

highglossfinish 09:26 PM They really did open with those tights.

thenightetc 09:26 PM The burning eyeholes.

Starscreamillar 09:29 PM Child cage.

highglossfinish 09:29 PM For the most dangerous, unstable infants.

thenightetc 09:30 PM I sense a kidnapping about to happen.

Starscreamillar 09:31 PM Is it a kidnapping, if the child takes themselves?

thenightetc 09:31 PM Fair.

Starscreamillar 09:33 PM How small is the Santa creature, if nothing is to human scale?

highglossfinish 09:34 PM It's a lawless place devoid of physics.

thenightetc 09:34 PM Well, they did say no human had set foot there until etc., so presumably Santa is also an elf or something

thenightetc 09:36 PM "can't think of any but I'm sure they're there"

highglossfinish 09:36 PM "You're talented at clogging all the elf waste units."

Starscreamillar 09:36 PM Ha!

thenightetc 09:38 PM It's almost like they should have just returned him to the orphanage!

Starscreamillar 09:39 PM Instead of keeping him like a strange pet.

thenightetc 09:39 PM Yes.

highglossfinish 09:39 PM That's now incapable of surviving in the wild.

Starscreamillar 09:40 PM He'll have to be humanely euthanized.

thenightetc 09:40 PM And we're defining "the wild" REALLY broadly here.

highglossfinish 09:40 PM As is the sad fate of all domesticated problem humans.

thenightetc 09:41 PM '...right'

thenightetc 09:43 PM So he's, uh.  Not going to take any food or water or warmer clothing.

highglossfinish 09:43 PM 12 minutes later, he's dead.

thenightetc 09:43 PM "hope you find your dad" Oh, I mean, how many people can there possibly be in New York, anyway

Starscreamillar 09:44 PM Whatever they feed elves must have given him some protections against dying of hypothermia.

highglossfinish 09:44 PM Or rabies.

thenightetc 09:44 PM Several days later, he dies of rabies.

highglossfinish 09:44 PM He'll die of so many things before the credits roll.

Starscreamillar 09:45 PM It's a shame that he died out there on the ice, and this is his dying hallucination.

highglossfinish 09:45 PM Truly tragic.

thenightetc 09:45 PM oh my god

thenightetc 09:46 PM D:

Starscreamillar 09:46 PM Eugh.

thenightetc 09:47 PM Did they even tell him who his father is or what he looks like?

highglossfinish 09:48 PM They never expected him to survive an hour on the water.

thenightetc 09:48 PM Hmmm, I guess they did

thenightetc 09:49 PM "so are you a stripper, or"

thenightetc 09:49 PM (Sorry)

thenightetc 09:49 PM all crowding around

Starscreamillar 09:50 PM This pains me.

thenightetc 09:50 PM oh wow

Starscreamillar 09:51 PM See, there is no way he is alive right now.

thenightetc 09:51 PM Oh wow

highglossfinish 09:52 PM He's adrift on that ice floe, the gulls amassing.

Starscreamillar 09:52 PM Merry Christmas, well fed birds.

thenightetc 09:52 PM Dear god

thenightetc 09:52 PM buddy NO

thenightetc 09:53 PM You'd think he'd notice he's not in the uniform

Starscreamillar 09:54 PM All elves look the same to humans?

thenightetc 09:54 PM Oh no

thenightetc 09:54 PM Is there... a... romantic sideplot...

thenightetc 09:54 PM :(

thenightetc 09:54 PM "do you even fucking work here"

highglossfinish 09:55 PM Because that's what we need, Buddy as a sexual being.

Starscreamillar 09:55 PM She should stab him. This is New York, is it not?

thenightetc 09:55 PM make your escape, lady

thenightetc 09:56 PM oh my god

thenightetc 09:58 PM Oh no

thenightetc 09:58 PM buddy that is CREEPY

highglossfinish 09:58 PM Incredibly!

highglossfinish 09:58 PM And this was a creepy song to begin with.

thenightetc 09:58 PM is this okay in elf culture??

thenightetc 10:00 PM oh god is that the lingerie in the box

Starscreamillar 10:00 PM I hope so.

highglossfinish 10:01 PM "I'm going to indulge your antics, unwashed manchild with his bulge on display."

thenightetc 10:01 PM pfffff

thenightetc 10:02 PM oh my god

highglossfinish 10:03 PM That's a massive four year old.

thenightetc 10:03 PM IMPOSTER

thenightetc 10:03 PM Yeet him off the ship!

thenightetc 10:04 PM where did he get that photo

highglossfinish 10:04 PM I was wondering the same thing.

highglossfinish 10:05 PM Oh.

thenightetc 10:05 PM Ah.

thenightetc 10:05 PM ...Where did papa elf get it, though

Starscreamillar 10:06 PM Magic?

Starscreamillar 10:07 PM I really wish that the other humans would insist that he wear real pants.

highglossfinish 10:07 PM If only.

thenightetc 10:08 PM What is the deal with him eating the cotton, though

Starscreamillar 10:08 PM He's a madman.

highglossfinish 10:08 PM She's taking this well.

thenightetc 10:08 PM Amazingly so

highglossfinish 10:09 PM *Exceedingly* well.

thenightetc 10:10 PM No wonder he's so fucked up.

Starscreamillar 10:10 PM Dying fever dream. It is the only explanation.

highglossfinish 10:10 PM Nobody should be tolerating any of this.

thenightetc 10:12 PM "Okay"

highglossfinish 10:12 PM That was the correct response.

thenightetc 10:12 PM "wow what an uh unusual taste"

thenightetc 10:12 PM oh my god

Starscreamillar 10:13 PM They are treating him like an enthusiastic thirteen year old. Instead of the grown human creature he should be.

thenightetc 10:13 PM Phew.

thenightetc 10:14 PM ...

highglossfinish 10:14 PM This just keeps getting worse.

Starscreamillar 10:15 PM Knockout, why have you subjected us to this?

highglossfinish 10:15 PM Because.

Starscreamillar 10:17 PM You're truly an evil mech. I almost  would rather you stole organs instead.

highglossfinish 10:18 PM Why in the world would I steal organs when I can subject you to this human's bright yellow genital outline?

Starscreamillar 10:19 PM Why indeed....

thenightetc 10:20 PM "This movie sponsored by Nike"

thenightetc 10:20 PM "you know you're fired, right"

highglossfinish 10:21 PM STOP.

thenightetc 10:21 PM :( :( :(

Starscreamillar 10:21 PM Please stop.

highglossfinish 10:22 PM This is not something to be okay with.

thenightetc 10:23 PM lol I wonder if mr. christmas can help with his children's books

highglossfinish 10:23 PM Does she not grasp the meaning of "Nothing can go wrong at my job?"

Starscreamillar 10:24 PM That will be the horrible solution to this horrible movie.

thenightetc 10:24 PM yeah that is TOTALLY the kind of compliment women love getting from random strangers sitting in a corner

highglossfinish 10:24 PM Hah!

thenightetc 10:25 PM gj buddy

highglossfinish 10:26 PM Buddy makes everyone's jobs and lives harder and worse.

thenightetc 10:26 PM this is gonna go WELL

thenightetc 10:27 PM "so are you resigning, or what"

thenightetc 10:28 PM OH BOY

thenightetc 10:28 PM Did he not notice that the taste was--you know what, never mind

highglossfinish 10:29 PM "26 years old."

highglossfinish 10:29 PM Of course you are.

Starscreamillar 10:29 PM Suuuure.

thenightetc 10:30 PM f

thenightetc 10:31 PM "wow, you're wearing pants!"

thenightetc 10:31 PM wow

Starscreamillar 10:31 PM She is trusting him an awful lot, considering what he is.

highglossfinish 10:32 PM "You're the kind of person I'm willing to allow inside me."

thenightetc 10:32 PM ...

Starscreamillar 10:32 PM Eeeugh.

thenightetc 10:33 PM well, that just happened!

highglossfinish 10:33 PM Nothing more attractive than someone with the mind of an infant.

thenightetc 10:34 PM wut

thenightetc 10:34 PM oh boy

thenightetc 10:35 PM oh my god

thenightetc 10:37 PM Guys.  No.

thenightetc 10:37 PM He's going to find out.

Starscreamillar 10:37 PM I hear stealing ideas works out well.

thenightetc 10:37 PM Don't y'all have ethics training

Starscreamillar 10:39 PM Because surely the money he is making does not keep them in their nice home, with good food.

thenightetc 10:39 PM Welp

thenightetc 10:40 PM Also couldn't one of those writer guys have done the pitch

Starscreamillar 10:40 PM And that Christmas, they lost the home, and had to eat scraps from the garbage.

highglossfinish 10:40 PM Thanks for that, Buddy.

thenightetc 10:42 PM Wow, how lucky that he coincidentally ran out of fuel right next to Buddy!

Starscreamillar 10:42 PM How convenient.

thenightetc 10:42 PM "also you are literally the only option right now"

Starscreamillar 10:44 PM There is absolutely no reason he should not want him to leave.

highglossfinish 10:44 PM He's done nothing to justify his being there.

Starscreamillar 10:45 PM All he has done is eat their food and destroy their property.

thenightetc 10:45 PM Why, uh... why exactly are they calling in horse cops

Starscreamillar 10:45 PM It is impolite to drive motor vehicles in the park?

thenightetc 10:47 PM Logic!

thenightetc 10:48 PM He's going to get shot

thenightetc 10:48 PM And then trampled by horses.

Starscreamillar 10:50 PM How did she get down there so quickly?

thenightetc 10:51 PM oh no, poor her

highglossfinish 10:52 PM It would be hilarious if nobody joined in.

Starscreamillar 10:52 PM It really would have been.

thenightetc 10:54 PM Right, this one guy is going to make the difference

Starscreamillar 10:54 PM Awful movie logic.

highglossfinish 10:54 PM Terrible.

thenightetc 10:54 PM So are uh those cops going to uh 'disperse' the crowd now

Starscreamillar 10:55 PM With rubber bullets and festive tear gas?

highglossfinish 10:55 PM Oh, someone's absolutely losing an eye to a rubber bullet.

highglossfinish 10:55 PM Merry Christmas.

highglossfinish 10:55 PM Because those always pay the bills.

thenightetc 10:56 PM yyyyyeah

thenightetc 10:56 PM 'and this story is CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED, hint hint'

thenightetc 10:56 PM Is there a... reason she's in costume now

highglossfinish 10:57 PM She let him flop around on top of her, they made offspring, now her purpose is complete and she wears pink.

thenightetc 10:58 PM Pizza!

Starscreamillar 10:58 PM 'Very sane and normal way'

thenightetc 10:59 PM On the... floor?

thenightetc 11:01 PM Looks, uh, great.  Very edible!

highglossfinish 11:01 PM Exactly like food!

thenightetc 11:02 PM Hmmmm!!!

thenightetc 11:04 PM Yes, *I'd* certainly be pleased to receive that... object.

Starscreamillar 11:04 PM You are forced to consume it at gunpoint.

thenightetc 11:05 PM Nothing about this is arousing.

highglossfinish 11:05 PM Or is it?

thenightetc 11:06 PM Dear lord

Starscreamillar 11:07 PM Perfect.

thenightetc 11:08 PM Ironically I do kind of want some pizza, now.

thenightetc 11:09 PM Love that physics engine!

highglossfinish 11:10 PM Dear Unicron.

Starscreamillar 11:10 PM An all American pizza.

thenightetc 11:11 PM Hm.  Hmmm!

thenightetc 11:13 PM "Healthy"

thenightetc 11:14 PM Not his fault at all.

highglossfinish 11:15 PM Everyone's fault but his.

Starscreamillar 11:15 PM It cannot be allowed.

highglossfinish 11:16 PM There they go.

thenightetc 11:16 PM Amazing.

Starscreamillar 11:16 PM Still less of a nightmare than the horrible elf man.

highglossfinish 11:16 PM Much less.

thenightetc 11:16 PM Much less.

highglossfinish 11:17 PM I'm open to suggestions if anyone's got them.

thenightetc 11:17 PM Hmmmm... Continuing a theme... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLHRjaUBb3o

thenightetc 11:18 PM So is she trying to poison her family--

highglossfinish 11:19 PM Amazing.

Starscreamillar 11:19 PM A good food item should shatter when it hits the floor.

highglossfinish 11:19 PM And then come to what may or may not be life.

thenightetc 11:20 PM It's almost life!

Starscreamillar 11:20 PM But they did not have to wait an hour and a half for it to cook. So win-win.

thenightetc 11:20 PM True, true.

highglossfinish 11:20 PM Can't imagine why anyone would have a problem with it.

thenightetc 11:21 PM Dynamite.

Starscreamillar 11:22 PM Ah, humans. Always picking the least good idea available.

thenightetc 11:23 PM Blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds.

Starscreamillar 11:25 PM Perfect.

thenightetc 11:25 PM Pro tip: dynamite doesn't actually make things disappear.

Starscreamillar 11:25 PM In fact in most cases, applying explosives only makes a problem worse.

thenightetc 11:25 PM oh, that special christmas tradition!

thenightetc 11:26 PM Wait, what was that one about the loophole

highglossfinish 11:26 PM Got to stick to tradition!

thenightetc 11:26 PM I'm terrified of what this is going to be

thenightetc 11:26 PM Oh my god

thenightetc 11:27 PM Well

Starscreamillar 11:27 PM . . .

Starscreamillar 11:27 PM It just keeps going.

highglossfinish 11:27 PM And going, and going.

thenightetc 11:28 PM I promise I had not heard that ahead of time.

highglossfinish 11:28 PM I believe you.

highglossfinish 11:30 PM And that's all I've got!

thenightetc 11:30 PM And what an all it was!

Starscreamillar 11:30 PM Well, thank you streaming this nonsense, Knockout. It's been a... time.

thenightetc 11:31 PM Yes, thank you for hosting!

highglossfinish 11:31 PM It has. It certainly has been some sort of a time.

Starscreamillar 11:31 PM I appreciate your hosting, even if the content makes me feel less sane.

Starscreamillar 11:31 PM Until the next one!

thenightetc 11:31 PM It's what christmas is all about.

highglossfinish 11:31 PM Buddy the elf's protruding organic spike is a load that needs to be shared.

Starscreamillar 11:32 PM No, no I could have lived the rest of  my life having never seen that.

highglossfinish 11:32 PM And yet, here we are.

thenightetc 11:33 PM Indeed.

thenightetc 11:33 PM Well--goodnight!

highglossfinish 11:33 PM Good night!

highglossfinish 11:33 PM Thank you for coming!