#Everytime I try I quit
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Redrawing/remaking my HLVRAI flowercrown au!! Benrey and Gordon are up first!! (If anyone's curious you can go looking for my old flowercrown au stuff, just be noted its was made four years ago LOL and all the old info is completely irrelevant) click for better quality, tumblr killed it 💀
Up next, Tommy and Gman Coolatta!
In the old version of the plot for this au, it had a lot to do with it being a game and such. However over the years it's changed! No longer a game, instead the Rescas explosion seemed to have had a .. strange affect on Gordon, due to him being right next to it. At least, that's what they all believe at first.
#art#help how do i anatomy#gordon freeman hlvrai#gordon hlvrai#hlvrai gordon#hlvrai#hlvrai benrey#benrey#benrey hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#hlvrai au#hlvrai benry#hlvrai art#basically! during this au each time Gordon dies he “respawns” back at the beginning. right agter the rescas explosion#however he cant bring his body back quite right each time. the different flowers represent who killed him. and the plave of injury .#benrey killed him first. through the eye. it was a misunderstanding! they were just messing around and Gordon . they thought he wasnt human#because he doesnt seem human anymore? they sense it. (so can tommy but that didnt stop tommy from yelling at benrey immediately after)#only as soon as benrey opens their eyes again theyre right back at the beginning and Gordon is trying to pull a flower from his eye. the#the same eye they shot through. augh fuck. anyway benrey is the first to remember. dr coomer and bubby are next to remember (#the betrayal and then the clones killing Gordon and then being brought back to the beginning. even more flowers. one less arm#tommy remembers last. an accidental kill.#Gordon doesnt “technically” remember! and each time hes brougt back he seems to believe the flowers are almost normal. just rescas stuff.#he can even still see out of his other eye? its fine probably. (everytime he rips a flower petal it hurts. like hes tearing through skin)#flowercrown au#feel free to send asks about flowercrown! i will answer and yhen kiss you with tongue /joke!
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Old nostalgia sso players when the game they constantly hate on, harrass the employees of, and refuse to support financially starts being developed for and catering to new players after they find a new excuse to be mad the game has progressed by a decade and threaten to quit for the millionth time
#sso#star stable#star stable online#like the latest wave of complainers isn't even trying to sugarcoat it anymore#“its not that it doesn't look good. its just that its not the hollow woods anymore. i hate toxic new players saying that its good”#i say it everytime and i will keep saying it#if you don't like it then quit#you can whinge all you want about how “the game is fine” and “no one wanted this”#but sse running in the red and the huge new uptick in new players says otherwise
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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stupid eye keeps disappearing lmao
#not the first time not the first sim#just trying to create a post here#save quit and load the game again#or go into cas exit then go back#and the eyes back that works everytime! dunno why its doing this#last time it happened 2 months ago lol the game doing its own thing#and i use the same eyes for everyone but its only targeting vincent rn#last time too#will catch up when i have a post#gameplay update#rambles#postcard extra
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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I made a little comic based on a convo a few friends and I had.
Time taken: 6 hours and 5 minutes.
What took the longest? Slide 7. Those book designs brought me to the brink of insanity (1 hour and 44 mins).
(Notes under the cut)
Before anyone asks, yes, I know Canus Major typically appears behind Orion, however, I was running out of space, so please forgive the inaccuracy.
For anybody wondering what on Earth the third drawing is, it's a interpretation of NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraft's Pale Blue Dot, which was taken on February 14th, 1990.
Slide 8 represents the red string theory. In most literature, the red string is attached to two people, typically romantic lovers, who are intertwined by fate to meet. However, it can also just be a string that connects a person and all the people they'll connect with in life. It's an embodiment of fate; everybody is interlinked.
Slide 10 is one of my own photos taken from my bedroom window. I originally planned on drawing it out, however, after two hours of fiddling about and trying to make it look right, I gave up and just put the photo there; I hope it fits in fine.
@moonchild-in-blue @tonguetyd @hookedhobbies @branches-in-a-flood thought you four might like this!
#my digital art makes a temporary come back!#definitely not as fond of it as painting but I'm quite proud of it#still gotta work on shading and making things look less flat but that wasn't the main focus of this one#not happy that Tumblr is butchering the quality but we'll ball with it#this also took way longer than expected#sat down and said 'oh this'll only take me a day or two'#oh how wrong I was#everytime I close my eyes all I see are book designs and stars#anyways#I really do hope I go up to the stars when I'm gone#I'm pretty sure I was some typa' whale in my last life so why not try the sky after the deep blue?#mel's doodles#mel's thoughts#mel's photos#digital art#art#mini comic
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i wish so badly i could pull of folklore/evermore braids but i’m just chronically a short hair girlie 😭
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Vent in tags-
#I hate how I feel like I’ll never be satisfied with my art#like I feel like I always put so much effort into it and it never turns out how I want it#and then I look at all the other MASTERPIECES amongst the fandoms I’ve been in and mine always looks like complete shit compared to them#and I never know what I want to do either?#like on one hand I LIKE having a simplistic art style#it’s cute gets the point across and I feel like a lot of ideas I have wouldn’t fit a detailed style#at the same time though I always feel like I’m taking the easy route and that I could do SO much more and that I’m not trying hard enough#I know the easiest solution is to try and find a middle ground but I don’t know how to get there#and it makes me feel like I’ll never be quite satisfied with what I put out#idk it’s just such a frustrating feeling#I have so many ideas too that I keep sitting on because everytime I start them I just end up hating them#anyways rant over thanks for listening if you did 🖤🖤
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Tokyo Ghoul Headcanons Based Off How I Spent My Weekend
Idk either. Enjoy this bullshit.
~
Take Hirako took his stupid dog to the vet. Again.
Itori went shopping for toiletries and cosmetics.
Koma planned on deep cleaning his home, but only managed a speed-clean because he accidentally watched a load of interviews with a 90s metal singer. Whoops.
Yoriko spent hours in the kitchen cooking jambalaya to realise she forget to add the Tabasco sauce.
Rize read a really good book called Stone Blind by Natalie Haynes which she'd recommend to anyone who loves Greek mythology.
Saiko intended to Veet her legs, but decided to lie on her bed and listen to music instead. She'll just wear jeans tomorrow 👌
Touka was at her wits end with her brother who is seemingly hell-bent on destroying his life.
Yomo kept caffeinated.
Eto had a lie-in and lazy Sunday morning.
Shuu needed a new plant pot, so went hunting for one at a high-end boutique called TK Maxx.
Suzuya only meant to have a ten minute nap but woke up an hour later 😬
Hide was extremely excited about the surprise Taco Bell lunch.
Nishiki went to Starbucks with his s/o. He pretended to enjoy the "coffee".
Kaneki dodged his studying. He'll catch up.
#😐#Does this even count as tg Headcanons#I have really bad writer's block right now#Everytime I try I quit#imposter syndrome#tokyo ghoul#tg#tokyo ghoul:re#tgre#tokyo ghoul headcanon#nishiki nishio#hide nagachika#juuzou suzuya#shuu tsukiyama#eto yoshimura#touka kirishima#saiko yonebayashi#rize kamishiro#Yoriko#Take Hirako#koma enji#itori tg#renji yomo#ken kaneki
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So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D
Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.
Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ‘a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.
#sherlock holmes#my dearest blorbo#he’s my belovedest chewtoy basically#if i think abt how modern adaptations *looking at you bbc sherlock* have ruined his character i get so angry i have to take deep breaths#*mutters darkly* he is NOT an arrogant cold-hearted bitch like he’s portrayed; well he IS a bitch but not a cold-hearted one!!#see. the thing abt holmes is that he’s SUCH a sweet boy okay. and he’s compassionate#he cares sooo much. that’s the reason people come to him when they’re distressed. they trust him#he hates the police. he is a jester at heart. loves his watson#he’s here to help the truly desparate helpless people even if they have no money to pay him for the case. no questions asked. But-#he fucking despises obnoxious rich men. the first time he meets watson a total stranger he *very excitedly* tells him abt his experiment#it’s very adorable. he never stops trying to impress ever. infact blushes furiously when complimented by him#my guy has 0 knowledge of our solar system but he’s written several monographs abt different types of ASHES. go figure!#OH i almost forgot the most important fact he’s special to me bc holmes is an audhd gay disaster bastard. sometimes he’s even bisexual#but mostly he’s acespec and in a qpr w watson. he’s VERY adhd. behaves like an excited cat and oh so cute when he stims. everytime he does#i go SQUEEE. when he’s depressed it’s a goddamn hashtag big mood. as in many other ways he is me i am him#he’s PASSIONATE and KIND that’s all you need to know#acd stories are about just some guy who loves his job (which he invented himself btw after quitting college) that’s it#i am overcome with an almighty need to squeeze his cheeks#he’s everything to me <3#alright if i don’t stop now i doubt i ever will LMAO bye#acd holmes#if u read till the end u get a cookie and a kiss on the nose i love u#silv tag 💞
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My brain lately full of thoughts for fish women
#qu txt#this game makes me so happy and i wish i could ramble about it so loudly#but just trying to enjoy myself with this haha. but i quite want to draw self insert with this whole situation#draw the hugs or kisses on cheek. because everytime i see her in game i start making squeaky noises so loud
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oh man i just remember that whilst clearing out his kitchen, my dad found this lil bit of cardboard that when he'd moved into that flat like 20 years ago, i'd written 'don't call it flat, call it home' on and like why am i getting emotional thinking of me as a child trying to comfort my father who'd just gone through a stressful divorce, having lived in a tiny hut in the grounds of my school for several months that the dingy flat he'd just moved into is actually somewhere he can call home i'm
#personal#yes another one i haave too many thoughts today lol#i often forget he was literally basically homeless for quite a bit after my parents divorced#and it must have been awful to then also try and put on a brave face for everytime i visited#and yet he always did...#god...#growing up is just realising how kinda shit ur parents lives have been lol...
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if i didnt have to study for my finals, i would be drawing so much carmen because its literally the only thing im able to really draw HAHA
#everytime i try to work on my ocs and cont writing them#i tend to get stuck and resort back to the novella#theres this scene in the novella i wanna redraw#maybe later tonight.....hmmm...#sometimes i wanna share my thoughts about it but#i am quite shy! so i dont wnana share anything JUST yet#text.wndws
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wish my brain was studied whenever I play multiplayers
#gaming#gamers#text#playstation#ps5#psn#especially apex … the way that game is perfectly addictive enough to keep you coming back for more but also keeps you wanting to quit 4eva#I’m bad at competing#sometimes bad at losing but generally just wanting everyone to be nice/have fun lol#toxic players genuinely ruin my day/gaming experience#got so fed up earlier after one complaint from another teammate I just left 🫡#then another time I defended myself cos some guy got annoyed I ran off .. cos yall stole all the loot I was going for!?!#sweaty as hell#apex#apex legends#idk if finding a team/clan would help either#everytime I come back most things have changed at least twice since I last played#can’t keep up but am annoyingly determined to try#it’s the type of gameplay + guns I can’t get used to … some maps too
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i should make a deal with my family that’s like ‘i can wash dishes and do other chores for you if you promise to PLEASEpleasevpleade please. not bother me’
#HEADPHONES I NEED HEADPHONES#i can perform soooo well if you just. assure me peace and quiet and sanity#and barring that- if you want to be noisy- then do NOT sneak up on me and try to communicate w me when i have my headphones on#i cannot hear you and i don’t want to take my dirty or wet hands and put em on my phone or headphones to pause the music#or even just take em off for a second#and bothering to dry my hands everytime is annoying#leave me alone pls i can help you but i need some peace#quite genuinely my own sensory and psychological aversions to my family play such a huge role in my apparent incompetence around the house#actually i’m a very functional adult on my own i simply shut down and hide around others#even when they’re not even being bad it just makes my *gestures vaguely to undiagnosed mental disorder or illness* flare up#choosing to run and hide is straight up my personal coping mechanism#’haha maria is lazy and she can’t even cook’ the family kitchen is the death zone you idiot#peach rambles
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#txt#quite frankly been having a rough time !#i need a new prescription because my meds arent really working anymore#and for that i need to get another fucking assessment#and im so TIRED and exhausted and everytime i try to focus on anything i get so sleepy and so tired and i cant DO anything#like i literally keep crying cos i feel so fucking like . Idk useless really like jeshs christ whys it so HARDDD#audhd is fucking waxk as hell do not believe the hype this shit is annoying 😐#and ill only get an assessment like. late july. so. im gonna kill myself ?
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