#Everytime I try I quit
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Redrawing/remaking my HLVRAI flowercrown au!! Benrey and Gordon are up first!! (If anyone's curious you can go looking for my old flowercrown au stuff, just be noted its was made four years ago LOL and all the old info is completely irrelevant) click for better quality, tumblr killed it 💀
Up next, Tommy and Gman Coolatta!
In the old version of the plot for this au, it had a lot to do with it being a game and such. However over the years it's changed! No longer a game, instead the Rescas explosion seemed to have had a .. strange affect on Gordon, due to him being right next to it. At least, that's what they all believe at first.
#art#help how do i anatomy#gordon freeman hlvrai#gordon hlvrai#hlvrai gordon#hlvrai#hlvrai benrey#benrey#benrey hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#hlvrai au#hlvrai benry#hlvrai art#basically! during this au each time Gordon dies he “respawns” back at the beginning. right agter the rescas explosion#however he cant bring his body back quite right each time. the different flowers represent who killed him. and the plave of injury .#benrey killed him first. through the eye. it was a misunderstanding! they were just messing around and Gordon . they thought he wasnt human#because he doesnt seem human anymore? they sense it. (so can tommy but that didnt stop tommy from yelling at benrey immediately after)#only as soon as benrey opens their eyes again theyre right back at the beginning and Gordon is trying to pull a flower from his eye. the#the same eye they shot through. augh fuck. anyway benrey is the first to remember. dr coomer and bubby are next to remember (#the betrayal and then the clones killing Gordon and then being brought back to the beginning. even more flowers. one less arm#tommy remembers last. an accidental kill.#Gordon doesnt “technically” remember! and each time hes brougt back he seems to believe the flowers are almost normal. just rescas stuff.#he can even still see out of his other eye? its fine probably. (everytime he rips a flower petal it hurts. like hes tearing through skin)#flowercrown au#feel free to send asks about flowercrown! i will answer and yhen kiss you with tongue /joke!
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stupid eye keeps disappearing lmao
#not the first time not the first sim#just trying to create a post here#save quit and load the game again#or go into cas exit then go back#and the eyes back that works everytime! dunno why its doing this#last time it happened 2 months ago lol the game doing its own thing#and i use the same eyes for everyone but its only targeting vincent rn#last time too#will catch up when i have a post#gameplay update#rambles#postcard extra
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I made a little comic based on a convo a few friends and I had.
Time taken: 6 hours and 5 minutes.
What took the longest? Slide 7. Those book designs brought me to the brink of insanity (1 hour and 44 mins).
(Notes under the cut)
Before anyone asks, yes, I know Canus Major typically appears behind Orion, however, I was running out of space, so please forgive the inaccuracy.
For anybody wondering what on Earth the third drawing is, it's a interpretation of NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraft's Pale Blue Dot, which was taken on February 14th, 1990.
Slide 8 represents the red string theory. In most literature, the red string is attached to two people, typically romantic lovers, who are intertwined by fate to meet. However, it can also just be a string that connects a person and all the people they'll connect with in life. It's an embodiment of fate; everybody is interlinked.
Slide 10 is one of my own photos taken from my bedroom window. I originally planned on drawing it out, however, after two hours of fiddling about and trying to make it look right, I gave up and just put the photo there; I hope it fits in fine.
@moonchild-in-blue @tonguetyd @hookedhobbies @branches-in-a-flood thought you four might like this!
#my digital art makes a temporary come back!#definitely not as fond of it as painting but I'm quite proud of it#still gotta work on shading and making things look less flat but that wasn't the main focus of this one#not happy that Tumblr is butchering the quality but we'll ball with it#this also took way longer than expected#sat down and said 'oh this'll only take me a day or two'#oh how wrong I was#everytime I close my eyes all I see are book designs and stars#anyways#I really do hope I go up to the stars when I'm gone#I'm pretty sure I was some typa' whale in my last life so why not try the sky after the deep blue?#mel's doodles#mel's thoughts#mel's photos#digital art#art#mini comic
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Tokyo Ghoul Headcanons Based Off How I Spent My Weekend
Idk either. Enjoy this bullshit.
~
Take Hirako took his stupid dog to the vet. Again.
Itori went shopping for toiletries and cosmetics.
Koma planned on deep cleaning his home, but only managed a speed-clean because he accidentally watched a load of interviews with a 90s metal singer. Whoops.
Yoriko spent hours in the kitchen cooking jambalaya to realise she forget to add the Tabasco sauce.
Rize read a really good book called Stone Blind by Natalie Haynes which she'd recommend to anyone who loves Greek mythology.
Saiko intended to Veet her legs, but decided to lie on her bed and listen to music instead. She'll just wear jeans tomorrow 👌
Touka was at her wits end with her brother who is seemingly hell-bent on destroying his life.
Yomo kept caffeinated.
Eto had a lie-in and lazy Sunday morning.
Shuu needed a new plant pot, so went hunting for one at a high-end boutique called TK Maxx.
Suzuya only meant to have a ten minute nap but woke up an hour later 😬
Hide was extremely excited about the surprise Taco Bell lunch.
Nishiki went to Starbucks with his s/o. He pretended to enjoy the "coffee".
Kaneki dodged his studying. He'll catch up.
#😐#Does this even count as tg Headcanons#I have really bad writer's block right now#Everytime I try I quit#imposter syndrome#tokyo ghoul#tg#tokyo ghoul:re#tgre#tokyo ghoul headcanon#nishiki nishio#hide nagachika#juuzou suzuya#shuu tsukiyama#eto yoshimura#touka kirishima#saiko yonebayashi#rize kamishiro#Yoriko#Take Hirako#koma enji#itori tg#renji yomo#ken kaneki
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i wish so badly i could pull of folklore/evermore braids but i’m just chronically a short hair girlie 😭
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Vent in tags-
#I hate how I feel like I’ll never be satisfied with my art#like I feel like I always put so much effort into it and it never turns out how I want it#and then I look at all the other MASTERPIECES amongst the fandoms I’ve been in and mine always looks like complete shit compared to them#and I never know what I want to do either?#like on one hand I LIKE having a simplistic art style#it’s cute gets the point across and I feel like a lot of ideas I have wouldn’t fit a detailed style#at the same time though I always feel like I’m taking the easy route and that I could do SO much more and that I’m not trying hard enough#I know the easiest solution is to try and find a middle ground but I don’t know how to get there#and it makes me feel like I’ll never be quite satisfied with what I put out#idk it’s just such a frustrating feeling#I have so many ideas too that I keep sitting on because everytime I start them I just end up hating them#anyways rant over thanks for listening if you did 🖤🖤
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My brain lately full of thoughts for fish women
#qu txt#this game makes me so happy and i wish i could ramble about it so loudly#but just trying to enjoy myself with this haha. but i quite want to draw self insert with this whole situation#draw the hugs or kisses on cheek. because everytime i see her in game i start making squeaky noises so loud
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oh man i just remember that whilst clearing out his kitchen, my dad found this lil bit of cardboard that when he'd moved into that flat like 20 years ago, i'd written 'don't call it flat, call it home' on and like why am i getting emotional thinking of me as a child trying to comfort my father who'd just gone through a stressful divorce, having lived in a tiny hut in the grounds of my school for several months that the dingy flat he'd just moved into is actually somewhere he can call home i'm
#personal#yes another one i haave too many thoughts today lol#i often forget he was literally basically homeless for quite a bit after my parents divorced#and it must have been awful to then also try and put on a brave face for everytime i visited#and yet he always did...#god...#growing up is just realising how kinda shit ur parents lives have been lol...
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if i didnt have to study for my finals, i would be drawing so much carmen because its literally the only thing im able to really draw HAHA
#everytime i try to work on my ocs and cont writing them#i tend to get stuck and resort back to the novella#theres this scene in the novella i wanna redraw#maybe later tonight.....hmmm...#sometimes i wanna share my thoughts about it but#i am quite shy! so i dont wnana share anything JUST yet#text.wndws
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wish my brain was studied whenever I play multiplayers
#gaming#gamers#text#playstation#ps5#psn#especially apex … the way that game is perfectly addictive enough to keep you coming back for more but also keeps you wanting to quit 4eva#I’m bad at competing#sometimes bad at losing but generally just wanting everyone to be nice/have fun lol#toxic players genuinely ruin my day/gaming experience#got so fed up earlier after one complaint from another teammate I just left 🫡#then another time I defended myself cos some guy got annoyed I ran off .. cos yall stole all the loot I was going for!?!#sweaty as hell#apex#apex legends#idk if finding a team/clan would help either#everytime I come back most things have changed at least twice since I last played#can’t keep up but am annoyingly determined to try#it’s the type of gameplay + guns I can’t get used to … some maps too
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Idk what it is about splatfests but I always play so bad during them. I never lose as often nor as badly at turf war as I do during splatfests and it makes the game less enjoyable for me :/
#devin’s gaming logs#king sad sack#yeah this is kinda a vent#i dont understand why i do so badly during splatfests#i am bad at this game but i am not *this* bad#literally the only times ive won so far have been against my own team so they dont count anyway#like. yeah i do lose quite often at this game in general#but i know that its exponentially worse during splatfests and its so frustrating#the other thing too is that i lose by a lot which is very frustrating#i dont mind losing since i know im bad#but when i lose like 5 times in a row and its like a 30-70 ratio everytime it makes me feel really fucking horrible#and i dont want to hear ‘its just a game’#i *know* its just a game i *know* that the point is to have fun and normally i do!#i just get really really frustrated trying to play and losing by so much multiple times in a row#when that normally doesnt happen#it is very rare for me to lose a turf war with a huge ratio like that yet it happens nearly everytime during splatfests#normally its like 40-50 at worse but most of the time both of our teams are in 40s#doesnt help that i cant run to another mode when i need to cool off#i usually go to turf war when i get tired of losing splat zones or rainmaker
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heehee my work is pulling a prank on me🙈 theyre like haha lets not schedule kat for a week and a half and not tell her why🤣🤣
#idk im just thinking if u dont have enough money to keep scheduling people that alr work here maybe sTOP HIRING MORE PEOPLE#do u think if i email them like ‘hey i literally have 53$ in my account rn what the fuck’ would theyll give me a raise#btw i get paid bi weekly so im only gonna get like 60$ (IN FIVE DAYS) this is bs#and everytime i try to pickup unassigned shifts the requests get denied bc ‘the schedule changed’ OKAY ?? WHY WERE THEY THERE THEN BRO#trials and tribulations of kats work like#considering quitting but i despise job searching i dont wanna do that ever again UGHHHH
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Hey so is it actually posible to maintain a stable relationship with a neurotypical or am I going to keep failing and crying and trying and failing and crying and
#my family members have emotional needs that I as a neurodivergent person am not quite aware of or I don't understand#and everytime i take note of one of these needs in order to be able to fulfill it#there ends up being ANOTHER need that I hadn't registered with nullifies the effect of meeting the first need#and it's like all the progress i try to make will be for nothing bc there will always be another thing to ruin it#and i will never actually maintain the type and level of communication that my family needs to feel loved#vent#everything is so hard all the time and it's so upsetting that I have to adapt to other people's needs but others never need to adapt to mine#oh you need to be payed attention to frequently to feel good in a relationship?#well I need to be left the fuck alone for long periods of time to feel good in a relationship#so something here isn't really working. is it?
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night shift makes me SICK night shift makes me AUGH
#everytime i do it (which is every saturday rn) im reminded why i had to quit this job for a month to try and get into an inpatient program#but i couldn’t <333#when every program is a billion dollars#anyway#RAGGGGGGGHGGHH#at least i restarted the magnus archives >:)
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Something I love in rap is often how you'll be able to hear the rapper's spoken accent come through and I just think that it's pretty neat!
#idk man i just think it's quite cool#like for example when bang chan raps in English in 3racha like broo#his australian accent really comes out there and everytime i listen to it i find myself smiling and laughing#or like in packs and potions by hazey. which is also just such a banging song. but I digress#you can really hear his scouse accent!#which he probably did try to amplify a bit in the song#but it adds a much more interesting flow because of the way he lengthens some of his vowels slightly#and even central cee!#btw i adore his music!#like yeah he's got an MLE accent but i feel like it's in particular a more W. london mle accent#and so I love picking up on some of the particular way he pronounces certain words in his songs and stuff!#i apologise for this slight ramble but eh#darkeyedghost
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#idk if this is self obsessed but I feel like life has more plans for me sometimes#like I’m meant for so much more#n tbh I’m holding myself back the most bc of my own issues#but idk I was in London and got so many compliments on the way I look and it was so surreal#made me feel like my aesthetic was acc being noticed and thought it was rlly cool ppl were complimenting me!#I have noticed I tend to feel way more confident when I’m travelling somewhere else I feel like I’m able to just be me#maybe it’s bc subconsciously I know I don’t live there idk#but I wish I could be on that high all the time bc I acc feel alive and connected#also I met one of my fave artists Geneva we got a photo n she signed my vinyl n idk it was acc mental#tht whole concert set the bar so high I gen feel like there’s nothing quite like her#she’s so inspiring like for the first time she made me feel excited abt tht fact one day maybe I could perform music in front of ppl#I rlly wanna get better it’s the one thing thruout my life tht has comforted me n I hyperfocus on it for hours lollll#I’m just obsessed but idk the idea of doing it as a hobby but the possibly of having other ppl hear it and enjoy it would be so cool!!#also I lit walked 24 miles altogether tht entire trip#I lit never leave the house so tht has killed me lmfaoooooooo#I rlly do love London there’s this feeling of a home I get from it bc of how big and diverse it is everytime I’ve been I’ve loved it#and I don’t get tht sense here it just feels suffocating and depressing and like it’s a place of the past#ik Scotland is a big country but I just feel like I wanna start afresh completely new#I just wish I could afford it 😭 I’m thinking abt leaving everything behind tbh and just moving next year or so even if I have to live with#my parents if they’d take me in but my sister might have gotten a place to live by then as she did the same not long ago so I could even#try stay w her bc she did offer tht#means I’d be leaving all my friends behind and I’d have to give up my bunnies which would be sad cos I love them but I also dunno how much#longer can I live here#journal
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