#Everyday is the same and I think I hate it but I dont want it to change bc Im scared shitless
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bunnihearted · 6 months ago
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my upstairs neighbor is actually fucking insane and idk how im supposed to keep living like this 🙃
#it sounds like he's moving stuff and renovating constantly every day#like .... this is not normal and NO ONE would be able to be ok with living like this when it's been over a year of this#it's like that chinese torture method#when you're locked in a room and they let a bucket drip constantly non stop every day#the same noise all the time you cant escape will affect your psyche very negatively#like i cant escape because inside my own home i have to listen to some fucking crazy person#move stuff around all the time#and like i know he does illegal work and has a workshop up there but no one cares#like even if i'd contact the landlord office they wont care or do anything#so im just forced to live beneath some pos who makes noise... all day... everyday. it drives me crazy#like maybe some of y'all think im whiny or stupid or exaggarating but THIS IS NOT NORMALLLLLLLLL#you're not supposed to hear your neighbor have a workshop from home everyday all day#those noises drive me insane i cant live like thissssss i hate it#i dont like being a snitch or whatever but i've started to consider reporting him for the illegal work he does#but im not gonna bc they wont do anything#ppl are allowed to do whatever they want 💗#but if they drive you insane and you snap suddenly YOURE the bad guy and will end up in prison#everyone are insane i hate everyone im going crazy i fkn hate him so much#sometimes i consider just doing the deed and k wording him#then at least i will never be homeless bc i can live in prison. and i'll always have food lol#and i can exercise and write and read... learn languages. yeah sounds cool
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toytulini · 2 months ago
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name some canonically nonbinary characters why dont you
#toy txt post#those 'name 10 female characters' posts got me rolling my eyes again. just ultimate performative bullshit huh#its giving i think picking a favorite blorbo os activism. by shipping an appropriate amount of femslash in a way that is genuine#but not overbearing or that might be fetishizing! and im not forgetting the characters for the ships not like those nasty m/m shippers!#and by doing this i will reinstate abortion rights. with my Feminist Tastes. im putting words in ppls mouths and being petty but good god#like everyday this shits on my dash. can you all just start blocking the annyoing misogynist m/m shippers you dislike then?#'dont name a male character you just call babygirl' are you normal about trans headcanons? im sure im SURE you are getting the most#annoying fuckers in the world in your notes just calling male characters babygirl without it being a trans headcanon but i have seen so#many posts of this flavor now. are you consuming media correctly? are you consuming the correct media correctly? are you doing it right?#are you meeting your ship quota? are you caring about the characters outside of their ships enough? are you shipping the characters of#color the right amount the right ways to the right characters but not too much cos that might be fetishy? are you headcanoning them aspec?#are YOU aspec? we'll give you a begrudging pass for headcanoning marginalized characters as Aspec MAYBE but dont get too annoyed about#seeing ships and you have to be so polite about everyone equating aspec headcanons with infantilization with no thought to the irony that#in doing so theyre infantilizing aspecs. its honestly 50/50 if you get a pass to headcanon a character as aspec. but we will talk about#doing so as a one to one example of writing the character out of the way of your ship. you and i are not the same. name ten female#characters. name 5 of their albums and recite all the lyrics from memory. produce 5 pieces of heartfelt fic or fanart to prove your genuine#love of the character. are you going to be normal about it if someone names a cano ically male character they headcanon as a trans fem?#or will you start on some shit about how that doesnt count cos shes not a real girl? or do you know better than to say that bc that would#be genuinely shitty. are you doing it right? are you doing it right? are you doing it right? prove your fandom activism to me. write a#feminist retelling of the narrative. what if i name 10 female characters that im headcanoning as transmasc or nonbinary and calling them#babygirl? are you doing it right? am i doing it right yet? am i performing fan engagement correctly?#am i correctly engaging with fan content? is this going to please your algorithm? but not too much. just a little spicy. a little punk. but#not so much i get banned from the platform. for fandom. am i doing it right? are you shipping Pure and Wholesome Ships?#are you Cool and Edgy? do you only ship characters that hate each other that kill each other that are siblings that are problematic? have#you gone so far the other way you think youre cool to scoff at those silly tiktok puritans who only ship pure ships? you wont even think#about a show if its Politically correct you want it to call you a slur. cos youre tough and cool not like those mentally weak uncritical#tiktok puriteens. are you winning son? are you winning? are you having fun yet? are you doing it right? pass my gauntlet#are you a fake nerd girl? name five obscure comics characters to prove youre a real fan. do you hate women? are you winning?#are you winning at correctly engaging with media content? do you get a sticker? is there a sticker for naming 10 female characters? what#about 20. do you completly write off media with Less Women? put your money where your mouth is then. ship the girls in fast and furious
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol
#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something#and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday#and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol#perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!!#thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places#but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t#retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun#Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling#especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive#or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified#in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if#my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short#walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me''#etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do#ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities#if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel#like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave#or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I#dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but#on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide#on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say#add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa#nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can#have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis#ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like.#I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant#asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as#possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c#In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of#rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL
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jrueships · 2 years ago
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the kitty stretch continues with stef !!
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more kitties under the cut cus i liked them lol
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i think this one is dead
#kind of crazy how ive been thinking abt wanting to see just a little glimpse of the stef tummy#like hes almost 30! show us the little tum tum!#i watch sports for the downstairs fridge just used as a freezer ok!!#im not here for the cadavers or the chalamettes or whatever#show me the tummies!!!!!#stef and allen snuggling on the couch with allen just wearing some tshirt with an old icecream stain he couldnt wash out#stef is wearing some big fluffy extravagent robe of course#he dresses up to have a fashion show at home he doesnt care ! he will be adored eitherway!!!#diggs splayed across allens lap .. tossing pink starbursts from his bag into joshs mouth (trying to anyways#or taking selfies while lying on allens lap using his wide white tshirted self as some makeshift backdrop for his selfies#he gets an insta comment abt ' that weird splotch on his 'bathroom wall'#'.....moldew.' *blocks him#hes sending that picture to allen rn theyre having phones*x actually#this entire offseason has just been diggs and allens hates*x f*replay#weve BEEN saying this ok!!#this is diggs/allens f*replay world and we're just LIVING in it sadly !#we pass them having s*x against a wall of any kind (shower brick wallpaper mirror whatever! they dont care!!)#and we dont even blink it's like the billboards in Fahrenheit 51 like we see that same stretch everyday#we dont care we just speed past it and try to hit a human if we can who gives a fuck#not us!#not us man!!#.... i need them to kiss and make up. desperately.#diggs
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gender-euphowrya · 7 months ago
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they should invent a my grandma who understands other people not being like her
#like. objectively i should go on walks. it would benefit me & my health#but in fucking practice I HATE IT. i don't like it. i don't enjoy it. it fucking sucks. i don't want to do it.#forcing myself to do it is fucking terrible. it makes my body hurt. it feels like a waste of time.#it requires an amount of prep work that i just Don't have the energy for on most days#and i just am 0% motivated to do it because I Do Not Like Walking. if it's walking to go somewhere then. fine.#walking just for the sake of walking ? with no destination ? pure fucking bullshit. boring. pointless. awful.#how am i supposed to be motivated for it when there's no end goal ?#if i go outside to idk get groceries then that's what keeps me going. i need to get groceries#if i'm outside and the only goal i have is one i set up myself which is just a nebulous ''go around the block a few times''#which i am in no way obligated to do Or interested in doing and that i can just. decide Not to do without consequences#then i won't have the fucking drive to do it ! man i can just walk back into my home right now#SO ANYWAY grandma is like the exact opposite of that. bitch loves walking. walks Everywhere. can walk miles. will walk in any weather#and she just... doesn't get that we feel very different ways gkfjdjd#''oooh you should walk and walk everyday It's Good For Youuuu'' and she acts like i don't walk because I Don't Understand That It's Good#sis i'm not fucking stupid i know the health benefits & everything I DONT ENJOY IT THOUGH#same way i know the health benefits of eating veggies but i still Don't do that because i can't stand them !!!!#god fuck Whatever about my health lmao like. i'm here for a good time not a long one !!!!#do you think when i'm old and dying i'm gonna be like ''aaah i'm glad i spent so much time doing things i hated so i could live longer''#nah mate i'm gonna think ''well this was a GOOD one i got to do all the stuff i loved yippee'' and croak
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incomprehensiblegiberish · 7 months ago
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am i the only one who doesn't see purpose in the cycle of work for more work to do more work so that you can earn more work? why should i fucking try if my only reward is getting more work and maybe a "good job keep working". i am. fucking tired.
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worstsequence · 1 year ago
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hes doing it again
#i hate angst i dont wanna be an eddie angst guy but wow do i have to so often#for personal catharsis relatiation of a certain brand of steve angst that i have to see everyday for some reason#you know! you know what :)i complain about it all the time! :)#where suddenly eddies some big fuckkng asshole douchebag who hurt steves feelings#and steve is insecure and eddie has to fix it with love 😍 but if eddies insecure its about how that hurts steve somehow#and eddies a big dumb idiot who made steve cry and now everyone hates him and makes him grovel im siiiiickoffff iiiit#sick of what if eddie was using being an asshole as a defense mechanism and hurt steve when they were 12 😍 and steve is still#traumatized by it and eddie has to be like sorry im so mean and evil and stupid ill never do it again.#and rhen steve and everyone else holds it above his head forwver anyways. even though its NOT! okay for people to mention steves pastactions#and also steve was mean as a defense mechanism!!! so actually he wasnt an asshole and we should all let it go!!#but then eddie was mean as a defense mechanism heres why tbat makes him a Giant Evil Man and#LIKE FUCK! FUCKING...!!! THEYRE. THE SAME. TBEYRE THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE IN DIFFERENT FONTS#thEYRE THE SAME KINDA JUDGY SOMETIMES BITCHY BRAND OF YOUNG MAN. IM BEGGING. FOR SOME F#i dont mean that eddie cant make mistakes i just want it to not always be so blatantly STUPID AND FRUSTRATING AND NOT A MISTAKE HED MAKE!#its just. steve is allowed to make mistakes too and i like when he does!#steve is allowed to make a mistake and have to apologize i promise it wont kill you#sorry rant over i feel weightless and free now i need to reiterate these complaints once a month i think or ill be taken and executed
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ludwigplayingthetrombone · 5 months ago
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Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery
Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3
tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood
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Bisuke: Gai's Back!
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Gai: GRAAH!
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Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,
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Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?
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Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.
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Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then
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Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!
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Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry
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Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.
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Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.
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Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners
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Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it
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Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...
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Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.
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Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"
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Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]
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Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?
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Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken
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Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that
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shartfinz · 2 years ago
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i saw someone's art and I was like wow that's a neat art style! and when I clicked on their profile I was hit in the face with Dave and Rose making out
I hate everyone who draws that shit go to hell and burn forever!!!
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wp100 · 2 years ago
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so apparently at work there's an 'agreed radio station' and it's One Station. Like why not have Multiple Agreed Radio Stations?
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waddleonmywaywardducks · 4 months ago
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How to get back into your practice after a burnout
Alot of times in our practices, we often just straight up forget. Not going to lie to you I didn't practice much until I got out of my mom's home...which was one year ago. And I also have a theory that since paganism isnt dogmatic and is meant to be ran by a community we fall out really easy, it's natural, paganism is different now. But anyways here is chaos's master guide on how to put on your big girl panties and get back the work.
(disclaimer: just because these things worked for me doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone else, this post is completely upg. I'm just offering advice.)
Starting out small
What never stuck to me is those post that are like: "stir your intentions into your coffee, light incense, pray" because like yeah thats a good way to start off I really dont think itll set in our brains to do this everyday. Instead what I recommend is finding days to practice and sticking to that day. Find a day where you useally do nothing and dedicate it to getting back into your practice.
You could use this day to research on all the things you forgotten (been there)
Or you could just leave offerings out for your deities and call it a day
I think if you uphold a certain schedule your mind will get into the habit of "oh today's witch day, time to do witchcraft" this is basic psychology, and I promise it works 😭😭
Deity work and getting back into it
Little reminder: your gods are not mad at you. They do not hate you. They love you.
I have had so many falling outs with deities because I just couldn't uphold a schedule. Hekate being one of them. Hekate really showed me the way once I moved out of my mother's house, and after so many ins and outs of my worship to her, she still showed me love and compassion. I promise your gods will do the same. They understand our mortal lives more then you comprehend. After all, this is their earth.
Stuff you can do to get back into worship with your deities:
- offerings, big or small
- dedicate days to them, in my schedule Hekate is worshipped on Monday, and Aphrodite on Friday.
- research ways to connect with them more
- don't make big promises that you will get back into your practice and never fall out again, thats just putting yourself in more responsibility, your gods will now expect that responsibility. I've done this before and I definitely got side eyed by Hekate 😭😭
I recommend reading over these lovely post by @/khaire-traveler
Subtle deity worship
I honestly used this alot to get back into worship with my deities 😭😭 these posts go into worship you could do for deities while you are either hiding your practice or just want to do something for your gods. Really helpful post 10/10.
Getting back into witchcraft
I know I kind of went over this already, but I feel like there needs to be some small steps to getting back into witchcraft before we get to rituals, spells and stuff of that sort.
To get back into witchcraft, I recommend meditating, either by yourself or with your deities. Meditation allows you to just focus on the present and let go of all your stresses. I like to meditate with my deities because I get visions from them easily this way, it's easier for me to communicate.
From there you can do research on the basics of witchcraft and work your way up to rituals and spell work... hopefully all of this makes sense
Anyways yeah that's all the advice I have to getting back into your practice, if I have anything else to add I'll reblog this and add more. But yeah! I really hopes this helps at least someone lol.
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myalvmss · 2 years ago
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⎯⎯ DATING HEADCANONS WITH AQUAMARINE HOSHINO❞
CHARACTERS. aquamarine hoshino, ruby hoshino, ai hoshino, akane kurokawa mention
MISSION. headcanons ; adventure mission, silent yet shining
WARNINGS. mentions of pregnancy & sex? this is mostly just me digging into aqua's character more and more, ANGST will most definitely be in this, but dont worry!
BUTTERFLY'S NOTE. special thanks to my friend named Ryu I guess LMAOAOAOAO. THIS IS SHORT??
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⌗O1: when I tell you, this man makes me frustrated every two seconds of reading the manga, I have a love and hate relationship with this man that not even scaramouche can compete with, BECAUSE RIGHT OFF THE BAT, HE'S A RED FLAG. BAHAHAHAH 😭
⌗O2: when you two first meet, he barely does effort in the so called friendship, or what he thinks of acquaintance.
UNLESS you are of use to his plan, so he'll probably use you, sorry bitch </3
⌗O3: this mf's ideal type is just someone like ai hoshino (imo NO ONE can replace her, not even akane sorry not sorry) and what makes you think you can pull off an ai?
i suggest you CHANGE him, not change yourself for him honey
⌗O4: this depends on your personality, but the relationship might be a sunshine reader while aqua's the grumpy one LMFAOAOAOAO
⌗O5: aqua doesn't engage in social media much, unlike his twin sister ruby. in other words, he's a boomer yet I'm not surprised so it's mostly you who takes pictures and videos of u both
⌗O6: you and aqua often go on dates at the cafe, park, or mostly private places where you two can get alone time with no interruptions
⌗O7: he's SO OVERPROTECTIVE ABOUT YOU. imagine yandere aqua omfg, he even makes sure that you're safe and doing well everyday
A caring boyfriend but a red flag 🚩
⌗O8: In the song, "MEPHISTO" I think there's a lyric where "I'll bet my life, I'll give it to you" would imply that to the people he cares about, aqua WILL risk his life for you. THOUGH this song probably directs to ai, or ruby? but either way, he still cares about you if you were actually his girlfriend. not just for his revenge plan, but purely his own love for you.
yet sometimes I think, "would aqua even bother asking you to be his girlfriend at a time crisis like this?"
It's a possibility he wants to keep you safe and unharmed from danger, so he'll probably lock up his feelings from you and keep it a secret so no danger will come for you, but it's not guaranteed </3
⌗O9: in an au where ai is alive, I wouldn't say that ai would straight away approve of your relationship with aqua. she's a mother, yes but not those kinds who don't give a fuck abt relationships ykwim?
when she first met you, she's a bit suspicious of you, especially if you're someone who's young, but your mind is well beyond your age.
It took a while, but she got used to you around with aqua and genuinely loves you
“you two aren't getting a kid, right?” just a few reassurances that YOU BOTH AREN'T GOING THE SAME ROUTE AS WHAT SHE DID.. “mama! don't ask questions out of the blue like that!” ruby come rescue us both PLS
“mama.. cut it out please,” insert a little bit of a flushed red aqua PLSS
⌗10: honestly, taking back the topic where you change aqua actually would work, because this man is wanting revenge and is willing to kill his father.
you can't be the one who helps him, that will end up ugly if he does succeed, because let's not forget how aqua can get arrested despite being a minor, yet he's 17 (currently in manga) and he might turn 18 soon enough
so you have to BE THE SAVIOR who changes aqua to be a better person and set aside this revenge
honestly. it's not worth it, I KNOW this is about ai hoshino getting her justice, but would she wanna see her kids in danger like this??
DON'T go off like "aqua this isn't like you 🥺🥺" NO LMAO. you knew aqua when he was 16, that's a super high possibility on who you met him, and the person he is now is just the same aquamarine hoshino you him at sixteen
just imo, you need to convince aqua that his revenge path won't do anything better for anyone's lives, because correctly he's ruining everything — the man probably doesn't care but you gotta make him care and move on for the better like how ai would want for him and ruby
ENOUGH WITH THE DARK SHIT LMFAO PLS AHAHAHAHAH
⌗11: if you're smaller than aqua, then he'll probably use you as a head rest
lay his head on your shoulder
rest his head on your lap
place his head ontop of yours
⌗12: SURPRISE BACK HUGS >>>>>
⌗13: whenever aqua is jealous, he always keeps it a secret from you so that you won't tease him about it
think of a scenario where you're talking to some guy on the street, a fan or an old friend;
aqua would slowly wrap his arm around your waist and pull you towards him WHILE giving the guy a very overprotective look
⌗14: he can't help it but aqua always compliments you in his mind, like how cute or gorgeous you are
⌗15: i like to think you both started getting together after his so-called revenge plan for his father
⌗16: aqua's careful around you, by that I mean when it comes to sex. he doesn't wanna end up being a replica of his father.
by that I mean, he'd ask for consent first for sex ( aqua's not entirely that kind of person who doesn't ask for consent )
and also would not have sex during his teenage years, as he prefers to have it at adult years ykyk
⌗17: you're a pain in the ass for him, gotta say that BAHAHAHHAHAH
⌗18: since in aqua's past life, he was a doctor ( bro's a DOCTOR. ) that took medical education, it's a high chance that he still remembers a few things
probably trauma from learning all that pain of a education lmao
⌗18: so whenever you get hurt, aqua's always the one who bandages you :))
⌗19: since aqua dislikes bell peppers, you probably shove those in aqua's mouth for shits and giggles AHAHAHA
⌗20: he acts like 'himself' (or the past him) when you're around, and you're the only person who could do that
“i noticed that he's like how he used to be when he's around y/n..” ruby spoke to herself, watching aqua and y/n from afar as a small smile appeared on her face. “I'm happy for them both.”
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2K notes · View notes
joonsytip · 2 years ago
Text
Anonymously Yours || Joshua Hong
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Pairings: Joshua x Fem!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Humour (broken coz mine), high school au, enemies to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, anonymously yours au. Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts.... Word Count: 18.6k Inspired By: Mexican Flick - Anonymous yours. Warnings: profanities, Joshua acts dumb one big time, mentions of periods, tears and tears but mostly fluffy, protagonists don't know how to act around each other (lmk if I missed any) Banner credits to my baby @wannabeyourshua . Also, it's your birthday present from me, hope you like it! Taglist: @wannabeyourshua @hoeforhao @kimmych @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @starlight-night0 @alyssng @imsjane @i-dont-give-a-fok @gaebestie @meowmeowminnie @hanniehaeism
Please heart, comment and reblog, would really help to keep me going <3
[SVT Flick : Fic Masterlist] [SVT Masterlist]
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Unknown Number:
[3:05 AM] Hey!
It was great meeting you! Maybe we should meet again sometime soon :)
What do you think?
You:
[3:09 AM] It's 3am for god's sake???
You got the wrong number!
Unknown Number:
[3:10 AM] Haha, not funny! It's me.
You gave me your number at the party :(
[3:12 AM] They gave you the wrong number obviously.
Now stop right there & let me sleep!!!
The blaring sound of the alarm is hurting your ears and adding to your headache.
"Ugh, I can't even sleep without getting interrupted.", you groan but manage to lift your body to do two trivial things. One, stopping that goddamn alarm. Two, checking your phone.
8 AM. The time glares back at you.
You have a class at 9, well assignment submission to be more precise and you're still in your bed, half awake, half grumpy.
Next half an hour goes in a blur as you gobble down your breakfast and smoothie that your mother makes daily, it's almost like a tradition and good part is that you don't hate it. The only bad part is that the same conversation that follows everyday of them insisting you to join the family business and you dismissing them because you have a passion that you want to turn into profession.
Currently you're waiting for your best friend, Hyerin, who's never not late to pick you up.
Some insights on Hyerin, she's your best friend, have been your friend since when you knew could pronounce that term. She's pretty, easy going, quite popular and star player of the school's tennis team.
Hyerin Calling....
You don't have to pick up that call so rather you are running straight down the block knowing that she's waiting there with her jeep.
"Babe, I'm late because of her.", she says as she points at her younger sister, Hyejoo who is seated in the backseat.
"I admit. But you know the other 99 times of 100, we're late because of whom", she immediately quips back in her defense.
You roll your eyes, bored of their banter and turn on the radio to have a vibe to jam to till you the reach the school.
As soon as you cross the threshold of the school, Hyerin is hijacked by Jeonghan, her tennis partner and Hyejoo situates herself with basketball teammates when she spots them.
And you're left alone.
And you're used to it.
The final bells rings indicating that you should be now sprinting to the class to avoid the grudges of your literature teacher.
You are with your full concentration tangling the wires of your earphones around the phone while climbing up the stairs when you suddenly bump into someone.
Your head whips up to see the other person, glaring at you having his shirt stained in coffee which he was supposed to drink.
"Sorry, very sorry", you take out your handkerchief and just as try to dap on the shirt, that person backs away.
"Please give your number, I'll pay for the dry cleaning.", you say politely.
"No need, I can pay for myself", that person grumbles, "Do me favour and from next time keep your eyes open while walking."
He says and walks away leaving you speechless and infuriated.
"What an ass, I was trying to nice.", you mutter before sprinting to the class.
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Joshua is already having a bad day so when the only thing he was looking forward to, coffee from his favourite café got spilled on his shirt because of some girl who can't walk straight, he is vexed.
Fortunately, he doesn't have classes within next hour so he goes straight to basketball ground. He has been enrolled into this high school recently so he has no friends, neither he intends to make any.
He fishes out his phone and taps on a contact who's name he doesn't know and proceeds to send a text.
Joshua:
[9:35 AM] Hey, sorry for waking you up last night.
Stranger:
[9:36 AM] No worries, I fell asleep right back.
Joshua:
A heavy sleeper it seems lol.
Stranger:
[9:37 AM] You can say that. And whoever did this to you is so mean, they could have told you no instead of doing this.
Joshua:
[9:37 AM] Ikr. I was at this party last night when my best friend insisted me to ask her number coz according to him I was checking her out.
Stranger:
[9:40 AM] Didn't work out for you :(
"Hey cutie, are you new here?", Joshua who is now quietly watching the match is called out by Hyejoo.
"I am.", he responds right away.
"Wanna play with us?", Hyejoo asks twirling the ball on her index, a sly smile set on her lips.
"Yes.", Joshua simply says and jogs down to the play arena.
"Before we get started, I'm hosting a party today and you're invited.", Hyejoo says, her expecting eyes staring at him.
"Thanks for the invite but sorry I won't be attending.", Joshua replies and extends his hand, asking for the ball.
Hyejoo immediately backs down, tossing the ball , "Then you don't get to play."
"What?", Joshua's face twists in a mix of confusion and rage.
"You heard it right.", Hyejoo taunts him further.
"Are you being serious?", Joshua chuckles in disbelief, "Such a spoilt brat."
Hearing this, Hyejoo's friend Jisung walks upto him and grabs his collar in aggression, "What did you say?"
"Exactly what you heard. You're her bodyguard or what?", Joshua smirks.
And the next second a hard punch lands on his face. Just as he was about to retort the sports coach shouts, "The group over there, you're all going for detention."
A series of groans are heard.
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You look around in utter disappointment. Well, detention room could and should never be appealing to anyone.
It's your fault you're here because you couldn't cure your curiosity when you saw a text from the familiar unknown number and your hands immediately to had respond back even after getting two warnings from the teacher.
Sitting idle never does you good, so you deck your bag on the desk which is going to act as a makeshift pillow and next you rest your head on it.
Joshua enters the room and the first person he spots is you, who had deprived him the privilege of drinking morning coffee.
With a scowl set on his face, he walks past you and sits on the corner most seat.
Next, a smile plasters on his face as he takes out his phone goes through the conversation between him and the stranger.
Mrs. Yoo walks in with all her glory knowing she's very much despised by the students not because she's an ass of a person but for her detention projects she puts everyone through.
You heave a sigh, unbothered to greet the teacher.
Her heels clanks sharply against the floor as she walks to the teacher's desk and taps her finely manicured nail against the table with a sickening sweet smile plastered on her face, sweet enough to make everyone else present in the room barf out.
"I'll get to the point straight. Block your calendars for Saturdays & Sunday, 2 to 5, every week.", she orders, unphased by the string of protests coming in.
You exchange glances with Hyejoo, who looks equally terrified.
"But I have classes", you speak up, "And I guess everyone has some or other sort of commitments as well."
"That's for you and everyone else to manage. Should have thought before.", she points her eyes at you and moves on, "I'll create a gc and add everyone of you. So the venue of next meetup will be shared across. And I want full attendance.", her voice holds the authority and every single being present there knows that they would be attending otherwise the wrath of Mrs. Yoo is not something anyone would like face.
Sundays are no more Fundays.
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Hyerin's are rich rich. So whenever her parents are out of town for business, both the sisters throw parties and invite the whole town, okay not whole but they'll be almost there soon.
And you are present in each of them, as a pure obligation and to be a good friend to Hyerin.
Parties are not your thing, it never was and it's safe to say it will never be. Because your social batteries are weak and that's why while everyone is doing beer pongs or fuzzy duck or whatever questionable things, you sit by the pool, in calm, legs dipped in the cold water.
"Oh there's my girl!", you hear Hyejoo as she sits beside you.
"Congrats, you found me.", you shrug and swing your legs lightly in the water, making a brief eye contact with her.
"Thanks for coming.", she says leaning on her shoulders, "I know parties are not your thing but your presence matters. And thanks for these dresses? Like I don't know how you do it everytime, you have magic in your hands ."
"Don't go all sappy on me, Joo.", you chuckle and lay your head on hers, "But thanks for the words."
"Anything for you, love.", she smiles and closes her eyes basking in your presence until she hears a call of her name.
"Gotta go.", she immediately gets up and sprints to the hall as she yells, "Tell me whenever you wanna leave, I'll drop you off!"
You shake your head and take out your phone.
You:
[9 PM] You there?
Unknown Number :
[9:01 PM] Hey!
Just pulling a marathon of Victorious.
[9:02 PM] Cool! Cat Valentine my love.
Do you like parties?
Unknown Number:
[9:04 PM] Depends on the people, both accompanying and hosting.
What about you?
You:
[9:05 PM] I don't exactly like parties.
I'm that miserable wallflower :(
Unknown Number:
[9:07 PM] Come on, you're not miserable, it's just that you don't feel it, you're not into it.
You :
[9:09 PM] Maybe....
Joshua stares at the phone screen a little longer before chucking the phone on the bed. He sighs and his thoughts drift away to the same old wistful thinking.
There's a knock on the door and he hums in acknowledgement, allowing the person to enter.
"Make space for me, I'm tired.", Mingyu is already nudging Joshua who lets out a grunt but shifts anyway.
"If you're tired, go to your home and sleep on your bed.", Joshua remarks in an agitating tone but both of them know that he's actually far from that.
Mingyu laughs and snuggles closer to him, "That's not how you treat your best friend.", he playfully quips, "I have a match on Sunday, you're coming right?"
"When have I missed any of your matches?", Joshua rolls eyes, "Mixed Doubles?"
Mingyu nods, "The practice is thinning me tired.", he then taps on Joshua's arm and the later extends his arm so Mingyu can lay his head on.
"How's new school?", Mingyu asks.
A bit of silence before Joshua answers, "It's okay."
"Made new friends?", Mingyu asks with concern.
"No. Don't wanna.", Joshua says, "I'm just doing it because I have to."
"Tried talking to your mom about this?"
"Gyu", he trails off even though he has so much to say.
"I'm all ears Josh. Even if it's the same old talk, I'm willing to listen. Please tell me.", he insists.
"I had promised dad, that I'd become like him.", Joshua stills when that exact memory flash in front of his eyes, "After his death, I have fully devoted myself to studies so that I can get accepted to the best law academy. My mom always keeps on encouraging me and I know she wants to keep my dad's profession alive through me because she thinks I'm as much interested She's not at fault for doing so but..."
Mingyu waits with all the patience in the world, just for his friend to pour out everything, so that it hurts him less, so that his suffocation lessens even if in miniscule amount.
Pouring out is always better than bottling in.
Joshua relents for a moment but he knows that the listener is never going to judge him, that he's always there to share the burden so he continues, "When I was younger it was fascinating, I wanted to become lawyer but in recent years I don't feel the same. Heck, I don't even know what I like or what I'd like to have in as a career but it's definitely not something in law."
Mingyu listens and he worries a lot about his best friend because he knows that Joshua isn't particularly vocal and impulsive. He's neither outspoken nor indecisive.
If it had been him, Mingyu would have relayed his thoughts to his parents and worked a way out but it's not him.
It's Joshua.
It's Joshua, who would never willingly hurt his mother, even if it costs his mental health and choices.
It's Joshua, who on Mingyu's fifteenth birthday gifted him a Yonex Racket because Mingyu wanted one from long time but his parents weren't interested to invest in such an expensive racket. It had costed Joshua all his savings. It also costed Joshua his ears for all the scoldings he got from his and Mingyu's parents.
Mingyu is perceptive.
Joshua is also perceptive except for times when it comes to himself.
"Take your time Josh. We're too young to be worried about stuffs.", Mingyu says and turns to the other side, "Set the alarm at 6. I have practice."
"You're so bothersome.", Joshua quips with no seriousness instead setting the alarm on his phone but only after kicking Mingyu on his shin, "Go change into something comfortable atleast."
Mingyu just hums and Joshua pulls over the comforter.
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Mrs. Yoo stands patiently and all the students wonder why in the world they are standing outside an abandoned playground.
"I am gonna divide everyone in teams of two and you're gonna paint the walls of this playground.", Mrs. Yoo smiles wide as she sees the distress showcasing on the faces of her students, "and do gardening."
"What's the meaning of us doing all this?", you voice out in genuine concern.
"To make you all aware of the privileges you have been availing all your life.", Mrs. Yoo answers, "And I decide when the detention will be over so behave accordingly."
As if it wasn't already nauseating, Mrs. Yoo decides it's best if you pair up with Joshua Hong.
The same Joshua Hong who can't look at you without glaring.
"So let's start with making the soil bed", you say not looking at him as you two manage to gather some wooden sticks and tie the ends together.
Joshua hums disinterested and suddenly pours the bag containing manure into the bed without soil.
"Stop! what are you doing?", you scream as if facing a mid life crisis and he glares at you again.
You sigh, "That's not how it's done. We'll have to put a layer of soil and level it first --"
"Fine.", he cuts of you and starts pouring the soil bags one after one.
Your eye twitches and you think Joshua Hong can't be this dumb. He is definitely trying to stress you out.
"You're not helping at all, if you're doing it wrong.", you relay your mind to him and it irks you more when Joshua's response is same, it comes in form of his glare.
You glare back at him and he finally says, "Okay, do it yourself then."
He walks away and you're actually relieved because being in his vicinity is becoming the bane of your existence.
Suddenly your phone dinges and you smile looking at the notifications.
Unknown Number:
[3:26 PM] I'm having a really bad day ಠ_ಠ
You:
[3:28 PM] Yours wouldn't even compare to mine.
There's this boy whom I really can't tolerate but we keep on meeting.
Unknown Number:
[3:29 PM] Lol Same! There's a girl and I don't want her to even breath in my direction.
You: [3:30 PM] Damn, we're in same predicament huh.
Unknown Number:
[3:31 PM] Guess so... Gotta go, bye.
You:
[3:32 PM] Bye bye! He's coming towards me again, gosh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ
Unknown Number:
[3:32 PM] Goodluck, I guess...
Joshua laughs as he sends the text. The lingering smile on his face immediately vanishes when his eyes lands on you.
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"Do you prefer to paint with brush or rollers?", you ask Joshua who's busy watching something on his phone.
He presses pause button on the screen and looks at you, "First of all, I can't paint to save my life.", he states, "So brush or rollers doesn't matter. It's same for me."
You nod and hand him a roller, "You won't be much help here too, so please do a favour and with start painting the walls these rollers, roll up vertically please. Don't change the direction."
"Who are you to order me around?", Joshua glares at you.
You think you are going to get hernia because of stress he's giving you lately.
"I'm someone who knows how to paint so instead of running your mouth why don't you try utilising those hands of your?", you spat out and turn around walking to the opposite side.
Joshua sees red.
He thinks he's going to have appendicitis because of the stress you're causing him.
You smile looking at the beautiful hues in the paint buckets.
Atleast something is able to calm your nerves.
"Don't you think he's handsome?"
Suddenly an arm is thrown over your shoulder that almost causes you to topple to the front.
"Who?", you quirk your brows questioningly at Hyejoo.
"Duh, who else your  partner. Joshua Hong.", she answers and turns you around so now you have to look at Joshua again.
You squint eyes at him, "He definitely looks good but he's an asshole."
Hyejoo smirks, "Really? I thought he's a cutie. Anyways, I like him."
You make gagging noises, "You have had not less than thousand crushes and that's totally cool but please not him."
"As if I'd listen to you."
"Yeah whatever. Maximum a week and then you will get to a new guy as always.", you mumble, "So fine."
Hyejoo leaves after Mrs. Yoo warns her to not pester anyone.
You sigh in relief and take out your phone.
You:
[4 PM] Whatcha doing'
Unknown Number:
[4:01 PM] Something I don't know how to do...
You:
[4:02 PM] Lol why?
Unknown Number:
[4:03 PM] Pure Compulsion.
You:
[4:03 PM] Ugh sucks.
Unknown Number:
What sucks more is when you have no one who understands you.
You:
[4:04 PM] Know that feeling.
I feel like no one understands me as well.
Unknown Number:
We have been talking for few days now and we don't even know each other names.
So may I know your name?
You stare at your phone screen, re-reading the text that had just appeared. Suddenly a pleasant idea pops in your mind and you happily type that away.
You:
[4:08 PM] I have an idea.
We won't share our names, any personal details, voices messages or pictures.
We'd be anonymous and get to know each other for real.
What say?
Joshua's face morphs into something that's both confusing and amusing. He doesn't think much finding it fun to try something new.
Joshua:
[4:10 PM] Let's that do.
Anonymous, saved.
Anonymous :
[4:10 PM] Anonymous, Saved :)
Joshua stands up holding the roller and tries to follow what you said. He dips the roller into the paint bucket containing orange paint and starts rolling it up vertically section wise.
He is having fun, too much fun that he accidentally spills the colours on the white tee shirt he is wearing underneath the jacket.
"What the hell?", he grunts, looking at his now stained tee, "Why doesn't anything work out for me?"
He feels emotional all of a sudden. He feels vulnerable, every thoughts that were pushed at the back of his mind starts to resurface.
He remembers the day he lost his father.
He remembers the moment when the girl he liked left the city one day and never came back.
He remembers --
"Hey, are you okay?"
Joshua hears you and falters at the tone of concern in your voice.
He simply nods and faces the wall.
"I can help you", Joshua stiffens but immediately relaxes when you say further, "to fix your tee."
"Do you have spare clothes?"
Joshua turns to face you and nods.
"So go get changed now and give me this tee.", you state and he throws an incredulous look.
"Are you planning to ruin my tee?", he asks, "What are you gonna do with it?"
"You'll see.", you say rolling eyes, "Hurry up, we don't have forever."
Joshua gets changed and hands you the tee.
You search your bag and take out your sewing kit.
Joshua sees your hands skim through the bag again and this time you fish out a bunch of cloth patches.
Next hour passes in a blur as you cut the ends of threads with scissor.
"It's done I guess.", you sigh and look at Joshua, "Manageable? Looks descent?"
He gapes at the tee in your hand and then he gapes at you.
You think he's cute with those bambi eyes resembling that of deers.
He is shaken out of trance by your light nudge.
"Woah, you're....", he manages to speak out, "so good... You gave this tee a whole new look and it's obviously trendier then the previous one."
You smile at his compliments. A smile that doesn't reach your eyes.
"Glad you liked it." you hand him the tee and start to assemble all the scattered tools and clothes putting them in your bag.
Then without another word, you get up and start to walk away.
Joshua ponders as he sees your figure diminishing from his sight, "Why did she look sad even if I was complimenting her?"
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"Damn, did you see that!!", you scream absolutely astonished when Hyerin & Jeonghan won the break point of the game, leading the first set 5-3.
"That's my sister!", yells Hyejoo and looks at you, "She's so good, if she wasn't my sister, I'd have been a fan."
The next game starts soon with Jeonghan doing the first serve and that ends quickly both of them sweeping the game with 40-0. Mingyu and his partner Seji are down by a set.
"Come on Mingyu! You can do better than this!"
You heard a very familiar voice not from far and crane your neck to see Joshua cheering up the opponents.
Must be his friends from previous school, you think.
"Oh my god, Josh's here too.", Hyejoo squeals and you roll eyes choosing to ignore her.
You are recording the match when you feel Hyejoo fleet from your side and it doesn't take a genius to figure out she's going to Joshua.
With the camcorder still recording you turn and through the lens you see a very agitated Joshua who's constantly ignoring whatever Hyejoo is saying.
A smile creeps upon your face.
Joshua suddenly turns and your gazes meet through the lens.
And you freeze.
Joshua squints his eyes at you before walking away and towards the players resting area which makes you realize that the opponents won the second set and you should be doing the same.
You hurriedly run over only to see a pissed off Jeonghan which is scary because the guy is always full of mischiefs and is a moodmaker.
"What happened Han?", you ask and the stare he gives you is enough to regret speaking up.
"Seji, she's his ex Y/N.", Hyerin explains further, "They used to play together and since they didn't end up on good terms it's kinda hard for him to see her and play against her." That clicks, why Seji seemed so familiar to you.
You give a nod of understanding and next you're crouching in front of him and he looks at you in confusion, "Whatever that happened must have happened for a reason and it's all in the past Han. I think it's an opportunity for you."
Jeonghan perks up, "Opportunity?"
"Yes opportunity.", you pat his arm, "For you to get over her and to discard all those lingering feelings. Also to get the cup and lift that trophy. You could have it all sorted Han, it's your now or never moment."
Hyerin listens to you mesmerized and Jeonghan cracks an all toothy grin.
"Thanks Y/N.", he acknowledges, "For making me see things clearer."
You get and huff, "I don't want your thanks. Just win this match and treat me to BRs."
"Okay deal.", Jeonghan extends his pinky and you hook yours to his.
"There's still time, strategize your play", you say looking at the timer, "All the best guys!", and you run away.
"Thank God, Seji has gone to washroom.", Mingyu sighs in relief, "She's already pissed off since she knew we're playing against Jeonghan and if she heard all this, I'd be in trench because you can't motivate the shit to Seji like that girl did."
Joshua glares at his best friend, "Why is this falling on me? Neither I'm playing with you, nor I'm the ex boyfriend. So keep me out of it. If Y/N impresses you that much why don't you ask her for motivation directly."
Mingyu smirks, "Oh Y/N it is. Joshua Hong why do I get this feeling that you're not on good terms with her? I mean your tone says that."
Damn Kim Mingyu for knowing his best friend so well.
Joshua scoffs, "I think you have better things to worry about.", he gets up, "If you loose today, I won't allow you crash at my place for a month."
Mingyu dramatically gasps, "Are you in your right mind? You're scaring me Josh, please don't do this."
"So win this match.", Joshua smirks, 'Think this as your motivation to win."
Mingyu and Seji loose the match.
While you are celebrating with your Hyerin, Jeonghan and Hyejoo, Joshua is getting pestered by Mingyu.
"Are you serious right now?", Joshua asks in disbelief, "You just lost to them and know you want to know if Hyerin is single?"
Mingyu nods quietly liked a kicked puppy but he has no shame at all.
"Really?", Joshua asks again to confirm and when Mingyu doesn't respond he kicks his shin, "Fine. I'm going."
Joshua trudges through the crowd to find someone.
He finds you.
"Hey", he greets and you just nod at him.
"Uh can you help me with something?", he tries to sound as polite as possible, "I just wanted to know something."
"Go ahead."
Though he's cursing at Mingyu in his mind, nonetheless he asks, "You're good friends with Hyerin right?"
"Yeah we are best friends.", you say proudly looking at her as she holds the trophy and chats with Jeonghan.
"Is she single?"
The smile drops off your face and you throw a death glare at Joshua.
"Why do you wanna know that?"
Beads of sweat accumulates on his forehead as Joshua stumbles upon his words, "I-I, well-- It's..", and he finds this sudden urge within himself to explain it you before you misunderstand further, "Mingyu, my best friend, he wants to know about her."
"Didn't he just loose a match?", you ask him while your questioning gaze is fixated at Mingyu.
"Exactly! That's what I told him", he explains, "But he's like that only so if you could tell me.."
"She's single.", you respond to shut him up.
Joshua quietly cowers away.
"She's scary.", Mingyu laughs, "I thought she was going to bite off your head."
"Asshole.", Joshua quips, "She's single. Go shoot your shot."
Mingyu's eyes twinkles and skips away immediately.
Later, Mingyu manages to get Hyerin's number.
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Mingyu and Hyerin are dating.
"Please Y/N", Hyerin literally corners you in your own bedroom, "It's just a double date--"
Your face contorts in distaste, "And with whom? Joshua Hong. No. Never. We both can't tolerate each other."
"Oh come on darling", Hyerin tries to persuade you, "I have talked to him, he seems good. Plus I've heard he was the star player of his previous school's basketball team. A heartthrob, you can say."
"He's good to you, because you're his best friend's girlfriend.", then you declare, "Otherwise he's an asshole."
"He's cute.", Hyerin corrects you.
"You know Hyejoo has been crushing on Joshua for sometime right? Why don't you ask her?", you sort to your last resort.
"Please, I don't her around when I'm chilling or on dates.", Hyerin sighs, "You know she's hard to handle and we both get her but other people can be uncomfortable sometimes. Last time at practice she said something ridiculous to Jeonghan, ofcourse as a joke but it was really off.", she shudders at the memory, "Jeonghan's always laid back so he let it pass."
"Okay. But why do you need us? Go on dates alone, spend time with each other."
"Because I want you to know Gyu and Josh better and same for Gyu.", Hyerin says grabbing your hands and sighs when she sees confusion written over your face, "Look even though we have just started dating but I think I like him. So I want you to know my boyfriend and his friend, you know, so you it's fluid between the four of us."
You understand. You are happy that you're her confidant. Everything makes sense except Joshua.
But when Hyerin gives you those puppy eyes, who are you to deny her.
"Fine. I'll go with you."
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Mingyu gapes at Joshua in disbelief.
"What?", Joshua almost mewls and chucks a pillow at Mingyu, "Stop staring okay?"
Mingyu sits up on the bed, "So you have been talking to someone you don't know and what if that person turns out a psychopath."
"She's not a psychopath, Gyu", Joshua is immediately retaliates.
"She?", Mingyu is amused, "What if it's a he and a 50 year old weirdo?"
That sends Joshua off. After some moment of contemplation he says, "Whatever. They don't even know me and it's fine we just share our minds with each other."
"Dude you always that I'm crazy but I think it's you. You're the crazy one.", Mingyu pouts and scoots over to where Joshua is seated, "So about the double date...."
"We're not having this conversation again.", Joshua retorts.
"Why?", Mingyu now lays on Joshua's lap and looks at him, "Y/N is such a cool person Joshy. You'd love it. She's definitely better than that person you're chatting coz we know her."
Joshua rolls his eyes and places a hand over Mingyu's mouth, "We don't get along at all so no."
Mingyu bits his hand lightly and Joshua flinches in pain.
"Do me this favour Joshy, please.", Mingyu pleads, "We'll have a lot a fun I promise."
"I'm seeing her everyday Gyu, courtesy detention class. I have no will to see her more."
Mingyu's phone dinges a notification and his eyes narrow into slits as he reads it and Joshua knows it's definitely not something beneficial for him because--
"Y/N agreed to it.", Mingyu announces almost shoving his phone to Joshua's face as the later read the text from Hyerin saying the same.
He slaps away his friends hand, "Still a no."
"I thought we are best friends.", Mingyu says sadly as he gets up and takes his bag, "But seems I was wrong. Anyways, I'll get going."
Joshua knows Mingyu is pulling the best friend card yet he let's himself indulge into it once more.
"Fine.", Joshua hollers, "If I don't have a great time, I'll really cut you off Kim Mingyu."
Mingyu grins from ear to ear.
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"Y/N, we got a call from your school.", your mother says. You don't like where this conversation is going.
"They informed us about your detention.", your father adds, "Why didn't you tell us?" "It's just a detention dad which will be over by the end of this week.", you say taking a bite of your sandwich even though your appetite was gone. "Y/N", your mother places her hand on yours, "You need to be serious about your studies. Your grades gonna decide your university. Remember that you'll have to take over your father's Pharma company because it's for you. This is our legacy." You are tired of the same old conversation. "I don't want to", your voice cracks as tears prick at the corner of your eyes, "I want to study fashion technology. I want to be a designer!" "We already had this discussion Y/N.", your fathers alerts and you are getting off the chair. "Getting late.", you say slinging your bag over, "Bye." Your parents look at each other solemnly. You can't pinpoint which part of the day went fine for you till now. Because everything was going wrong. First the conversation with your parents during breakfast, second Hyerin informing you about not attending classes today at the last moment over a text, third being late in the class and hearing a earful from the teacher and lots more to account for. Now, as you got some free time before the detention class starts, you decide to sew the remaining series of sequences on the piece of cloth you are currently working on.
You are pulling the needle from the backside when it pricks your index finger.
You're immune to this, it doesn't even sting much but your eyes are teary and you curse out in mumbles.
The tears start to roll your cheeks, you sob silently hiding your face behind your palms.
"Why did you agree to this double dating thing?"
You could see Joshua towering over you but don't raise your hear.
"I could have managed Gyu but just because you agreed I couldn't do so.", Joshua says angrily, "You are so annoying you know--"
"I'm sorry", you stand up, raising your head and your gazes meet.
Joshua instantly freezes when he sees your bloodshot eyes and hears your body racking sobs.
"I know I'm annoying. I'm sorry.", you cry out, "I-I'll just do something."
"Y/N--"
"I'll cancel out on them last minute with some excuses. I promise.", you are wiping your never ending tears as you continue, "So that from next time if they propose something you can always shut them up by saying that I bailed out last time."
"Hey please stop crying.", Joshua gently holds your arms as he crouches to look at you eye to eye, "Please tell me what do I need to do so that you can calm down?"
You don't respond and Joshua renders in panic as he feels you shaking under his touch.
Before the gears in his head could start turning he pulls you into embrace.
And when you still don't stop crying he gently rocks you and hums a soothing melody. His one hand strokes your hair and the other firmly hold you to his chest.
Your cries reduce to sobs until it stops.
"It'll all work out.", he says still rocking you and your hands fist on his shirt at the back.
"But it never works out", you whisper meekly.
"It will. I promise.", his says softly and with so much sincerity that it makes you want to believe him.
You pull away and ask, "You think it will?"
Joshua smiles as he wipes your tears and cups your face. His response comes in form of a soft smile and a firm nod.
"Now sit right here", he backs you and sits you up on the chair, "I'll be back quickly. Don't leave!"
He runs off halfway and calls Hyerin to know what's your favourite food or drink or anything that you make your mood shift even a bit.
And around 20 minutes later he returns with a bag full of cheese puffs, strawberry juice cans and butterscotch flavoured ice creams.
He pants but is relieved to see that you are still there and most importantly not crying.
But your rummaging through your bag.
"What are you searching for?", Joshua asks and sits beside you.
"Band-Aid", you sigh in defeat, "Of course I don't have it today. What a shitty day to be alive."
"I have it, wait a minute.", he fishes out one strip and asks, "Did you get hurt?"
"I pricked my finger with the needle.", you say extending your hand and he looks at you in concern as he applies the ointment and then wraps the Band-Aid.
"Don't worry, I'm used to it.", you try to lessen his worry, "If you do sewing with hands, you're gonna get a lot of it."
Joshua's wide eyes meets your as he realises what you're saying is correct and you find him adorable.
"Here", he hands the bag, "I got these for you."
You tear the seal and a broad grin sets on your lips.
"How did you manage to get all these?"
"Called Hyerin and run to nearest convenience store."
Your heart swells a bit, "You really didn't have to but thanks. I really mean it."
"I hope this helps you get through the day.", Joshua says and takes the ice cream stick you're offering him.
"It definitely will.", you thank him again, "I'll repay you by cancelling the double date. I promise."
Suddenly the idea doesn't sit well with Joshua.
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You rack your brain hard to come up with an excuse so that the double date gets cancelled.
Looking at the time, you're about to pull your hair in frustration when your phone rings.
Hyerin calling ...
Panic surges within you causing you miss her call. You immediately call her back.
"Hey love, meet you at the arcade. I'm loving this dynamic between you two.", her suggestive tone confuses you, "I wanna know what's going on between you and Josh. Start getting ready, Josh will pick you up at 7 sharp. Bye."
"Wait what?", you squeak out, "Hello?? Rin?? Hello??"
What does she mean by that, you thought.
It was already 6:30 PM and you don't even have Joshua's number.
"Let's get ready Y/N.", you say to yourself, "If Joshua comes then fine, if he doesn't come the possibility of which weighs more, still fine you get the wear the dress you have made."
Your mood instantly lifts and you search through your wardrobe for that one dress which you have been meaning to wear for a while now. You had completed stitching the dress last month. It turned out really pretty, more than you had expected.
You had cried tears of pride and finished two tubes a butterscotch flavoured ice creams that night.
When you spot it, you caress the dress with gentle hands before taking it out and laying it on the bed.
It's a simple wrap dress, except for, you have recreated the whole dress using some torn out velvety clothings from your mother's old garments. You favourite part is that tie around which you reconstructed from a bodice and put the sequencing overall.
Green always looks good on. You're confident this one also would.
Putting on the dress, twirling around in pure joy and after being done with the makeup and pairing it with your favourite shoes you waited for Joshua.
Sharp at 7, your doorbell rings and you sprint down the stairs grabbing your sling bag to open the door.
"Wow", Joshua blurts out, eyes wide and mouth agape.
He's enchanted.
Your soft giggles breaks his reverie and he curses himself for being so obvious.
"You clean up nice too.", you actually word out the complement because Joshua is really damn good looking.
With his hair brushed back, you can see his exposed forehead and fine lined brows. The blue polo shirt that has been half tucked under the white chino pant is definitely enhancing him.
He's glowing under the strip light and you're sure he'd glow even more under the moonlight.
"Thanks", Joshua breathes out.
"Don't you have something to tell me?", your lips curl up as you say stepping out and close the door, "I was surprised when Rin--"
Joshua doesn't step back.
So when you turn you're words stuck in your throat as you almost bump into him.
But you don't bump into him. Rather there's hardly an inch of gap between you both as you stare at each other wordless.
You think he has kissable lips.
Joshua thinks you have beautiful pair of eyes.
You think his cologne smells nice.
He thinks no one ever did justice to any shades of green as much as you.
You think he has beautiful pair of eyes.
He thinks you have kissable lips.
So he leans down slowly and you don't back off. His breathes fan over your face and your hands find his.
He entwines his fingers through yours and you close your eyes.
He dips down further and is within the cusp of having luxury to put your lips together when the shrill ringtone cuts the atmosphere.
You open your eyes wide and Joshua yanks his hands backing off. You are frozen in place for a few seconds until Joshua's call of your name shakes you up.
He clears his throat and scratches his nape when you look at him.
"Gyu called.", he looks at everything and anywhere except your eyes, "They have reached and waiting for us. Let's go."
You grimace at the sudden change in atmosphere.
It's awkward and suffocating.
You both don't talk to each the whole time Joshua drives you to the arcade.
"Hey love, hey Josh", Hyerin greets as soon as you enter followed by Joshua.
You clinge to your best friend's arm and wave at Mingyu. He waves back with a huge grin.
"Guys", Mingyu calls out, "I checked the bowling ally and booked us the next slot. Let's go."
You have to unwillingly let go her arm when Mingyu extends his for her to hold.
But just before she goes, she whispers in your ear, "Did something happen between you two?"
Your eyes go wide for a moment but before she could catch up to it, you deny it. Her gaze lingers on your face trying to find any inconsistency but thankfully Mingyu ushers her away.
You and Joshua are left behind.
Joshua isn't looking at you at all and you ponder over the fact if you're going to have a good time it has to be with Joshua and this dynamic between you two has to change immediately.
"Do you want to go there?"
Joshua perks up and follows your gaze to the bowling alley where both of your best friends were having fun.
"Well.... actually no. Don't wanna interrupt them", he says, "I want to try basketball though."
"That's my favourite!", you are grabbing him by his hand, "It's that way."
Joshua smiles and he thinks that he could get used to your presence.
"You try first.", you say as you buy the tickets.
"Fine. Next round's on me.", he say taking his position infront of the machine.
You take your camcorder out and just out hold the device when Joshua scowls, "It's illegal to shoot without permission."
You realise that he's right and you mutter a quick sorry before switching off the device and shoving it into your bag.
When you look up again, Joshua is rolling of the sleeves of his shirt and while doing it he's looking damn hot  for some reason.
You gulp nervously and look away.
When you're courageous enough to back at him, he's brushing his hair with his hand.
Again, for some reasons he's looking damn hot.
You think you'd combust if you stay there another moment so you say, "I'll be waiting there", and fleet away.
No matter how much you try, your straying eyes lands on him and you get a whiplash from his chiseled jaw. He must have had his side profile sculptured.
You wonder if Joshua had been always this easy on eyes or it's your hormones talking all of a sudden.
Trying a way out of distraction you decide to text Anonymous.
But before you could apprehend your fingers type away a text that makes you groan upon reading it.
You:
[8:07 PM] How do you know if you like someone?
The lack of response comes from the other side makes you ponder if you had asked an invasive question.
Did you come out too cringey, you sigh in defeat and rest your phone on the table.
"Y/N!", you hear Joshua yell, "You gotta come here."
You would have waved him off if not he had that cute little pout set across his lips.
"Don't tell me you're not able to cross level 2", you laugh straight at his face.
"As if you're the highest scorer.", He retorts.
"So naive", you tsk taking your position in front of the machine.
Joshua goes to recharge the card and returns quickly to tap it on the scanner.
You swiftly pull him beside you and he looks at you startled.
You think he's startled because he's clueless.
He is startled because of the proximity between you both.
"W-What are you doing?"
"Obviously, we're both gonna play.", you say casually, "Otherwise there's no way to crack this unless you climb on this keep on keep ducking the ball in & out."
"Wait what?"
"Look as soon as the balls start rolling, keep on picking and throwing them up.", you set aside your sling bag and tie your hair up in a messy bun, " One thing try to aim when the basket slides to your side, I'll aim on mine otherwise other balls would collide with each other and fall off."
Joshua blinks.
You wait.
Joshua is still confused.
"Look, I have wanted to try this with someone for so long.", your pleading tone resonates with Joshua.
"You haven't tried it before?", he asks, "The way you gave the instructions I was pretty much sure you're a pro at it."
"I did try it with Hyerin.", you lament, "But given she's into sports, her arcade skills are zero."
Joshua snorts at this and gets ready to fulfill your wish.
"We're gonna beat this machine today.", he raises his fisted hand for a fistbump and you gladly reciprocate.
Your cheat key fails at Level 5 but you are happy.
Same for Joshua because he couldn't recollect when was the last time he had this much fun.
"Are you sure they don't get along?", Mingyu asks with a huge grin set on his lips.
"I don't know about Y/N but Joshua upped himself by delivering himself at her door today.", Hyerin smirks.
Mingyu rolls eyes, "Don't you think I didn't notice Y/N literally giving hearty eyes to Joshy."
Hyerin doesn't comment anymore, she just smiles.
That night after dropping you off at home, when he basks in the memories of the spent evening, Joshua realises he has got a text from Anonymous.
Anonymous:
[8:15 PM] How do you know if you like someone?
Joshua:
[10:45 PM] Sorry, had a busy day today.
Do you like someone?
Anonymous:
[10:47 PM] I'm not sure???
I think I like him, the same boy whom I used hate.
Joshua:
[10:48 PM] Should I be happy? What about me?
Kidding! Feelings works funny because I think I'm starting to like the girl I told you about before.
Anonymous:
[10:49 PM] Oh? Should I be happy?
We're really in same boat lol.
Hope we can sort it out.
Joshua:
[10:50 PM] Touché.
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Detention classes are going to end today.
You should be feeling ecstatic but you have a glum aura around you as you splash the paint on the wall for one last time.
"You're amazing you know."
A small smile forms on your lips but Joshua doesn't need to see that.
"I just complimented you, are you seriously gonna ignore me?", Joshua bumps his shoulder to yours but you don't budge.
"You are gonna keep doing that?", Joshua let's out a sound of annoyance, "Fine, just remember I had no other choice."
Before you could ask or ignore, you are being turned around in a moment, in the next you are being dragged you have no idea where.
Mrs. Yoo smiles as she watches you both. She just wanted you both to stop hating on but what seemingly she's a getting a lot more than she bargained for.
Hyejoo glares at the two of you and though she isn't sure if she's serious about her feelings for Joshua, a green monster of jealousy starts to invade her mind.
You are pulled inside an empty room which you never knew existed and now you're being cornered by the guy who's causing your hormones to react horrendously whenever around him.
"W-What are you doing?", you gulp nervously, looking everywhere but at him.
"Why are you ignoring me?", he says in a desperate tone and it makes you feel bad.
Because I get nervous around you, I think I like you.
You want to say it all loud and get everything off your chest but you don't.
"I-I'm just being moody", you lie partially, "I have gotten my periods."
Joshua looks relieved, "So you're not particularly being hostile towards me? Oh that's fine. I get it."
You sigh in relief.
Then, his worrying gaze is scrutinizing your face, "Are you in pain? I shouldn't have dragged you here, really sorry. Do you need me to buy to anything? Do you want to eat ice creams--"
You hush him by putting your finger on his lips, though you wish if you could put your lips on his instead.
"I'm fine Josh.", you tell him, "Since today detention classes are ending do you wanna go somewhere with me afterwards?"
Joshua agrees in a beat.
Mrs. Yoon has a teasing grin across her lips when you both stand side by side waiting for her to give you the slips which marks the end of detention.
"I'm impressed how you both went from almost plotting murder to gardening together real quick.", she says with an underlying tone, "Oh, painting too. You've learned to breathe in each other presence, that's what I wanted. You're free to go."
You both quickly mutter a thanks to her and head towards the exit.
You wait for Joshua as he goes to where his bike is parked.
And he groans when he see Hyejoo waiting for him there.
"What do you want?", he asked bluntly, as he pulls his bike and wears the helmet.
"I want to sit on that bike of yours.", she says coyly, "Can I?"
"No.", Joshua says as he prepares to flee, "As I have told you before I have no interest in you. Please stop seeking attention from me all the time."
Her gazes turns shearer as she asks, "So who do you have interest in? Y/N?"
Joshua stiffens for a moment before deciding to ignore her wholly and riding away.
"He didn't even deny it, wow", she scoffs, "Fine, let's see how this goes."
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"Such a beautiful place exists and I didn't even know about it?", Joshua laments, "How did you find this place?"
You smile looking ahead, sound of the waves calming you in an ineffable way.
"Accidentally.", you say after sometime, "But this is where you'll find me if ever you couldn't get in touch with me."
Joshua's heart tightens within his chest as he asks, "Why are you showing your safe place to me? Who else knows about this place?"
You don't respond right away and Joshua waits patiently.
"Hyerin, Hyejoo and someone I used to know, knows about this place.", you look at him with warmth in your eyes, "Now you know it too."
Joshua had never imagined that a person who got his coffee spilled, became his detention partner would also be the one who would cry in front of him because of having bad day to be cheatmates at an arcade game.
Joshua never got the slightest intuition that the person whom he hated the most would also become the person he'd be liking the most.
"I want to become a fashion designer. But my parents want me to manage our family business of pharmaceuticals.", your words, tone, aura, everything is emitting sadness, "I have tried to convince them since the day I found out about my passion but they won't let me. The discussion goes nowhere."
Joshua listen, not entirely but somewhat relating to the situation.
"Tell me about you, Josh."
Joshua finds you staring at back him.
He thinks for a while, trying to put together the words for you to make sense and then speaks, "My dad was a lawyer. And I respected him a lot, so I think because of that I found law intriguing.", he pauses and heaves a sigh, "After his death, I promised mom that I keep his profession alive through me. It was an impromptu decision I had made. I was barely 12 years old then."
You listen and empathize with him. You could take a guess where this is going and if not entirely, you can also somewhat relate to him.
"As I grew up, the realisation gnawed at me. I didn't find law intriguing anymore, I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore."
Joshua sounds so dejected that you wanna put his head on your shoulders and wrap your arms around him in an embrace.
But you only caress his back.
"I have tried to tell mom about it but I didn't yet have the courage to actually tell her yet because she's still so immersed in dad and the memories he left. She doesn't even change the old television we have which barely works coz it was one of dad's favourite possession."
He suddenly blinks almost comically, bambi eyes getting rounder and lips parted in awe.
"You're really cool you know!", he emphasises on the adjective for you to get the sincerity of it, "You already have a passion and you know what you want to do. Unlike me."
"You realize it's never too early or too late to find one's passion. We are too young for figuring out our entire life. There's time. There always a right time.", you too emphasize, "Maybe you don't know today but maybe you'll know it tomorrow or someday."
Joshua finds your words oddly comforting and true.
"You can try to make your mom understand little by little. Like how about convincing her to replacing the television or anything else that could be replaced. When and if she agrees find the right time to bring in the topic and get it to her slowly. She'll understand, after all she's your mother."
What you just say, tastes bitter in your mother maybe because you wished for your parents to understand you as well.
Joshua must be knowing how to read minds, because he says, "I would like you to use your advice to yours as well. Show your parents what you wanna do and why you wanna do it. Show them your dedication."
"I'll try.", you smile at him.
"I'll try as well." he echoes you.
When he left home today, he had a mission on his mind that was to get your number.
Because when he asked Mingyu for the same, he quoted something along the lines,
"You need to get it yourself. How long until you don't suck at getting numbers?"
Infuriating, cocky of a best friend Joshua has.
When he drops you at your doorstep, Joshua had those words on the tip of his tongue until you pull of his helmet and kiss his cheek.
Joshua.exe has stopped working.
It's too late when Joshua comes back to this realm because he hears a door slam and you're have successfully sprinted into your house.
Next time definitely, he promises to himself.
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You:
[6:30 PM] shared a playlist
Anonymous:
[6:35 PM] I just went through the songs list and I must say you're a music nerd fr.
You:
[6:37 PM] That I am. This playlist represents me so I just gave you a glimpse of what I am.
Anonymous:
[6:39 PM] FYI your playlist has many of my favourite songs as well. We're so similar.
"Are you texting that random stranger again?", Hyerin grimaces as she situates herself between your legs, trying to take a peek at your phone.
When you ignore her she asks again, "What's going on between you and Joshua?"
"Nothing.", you answer simply, knowing Hyerin won't buy a penny of it.
You shift so that Hyerin falls flat on the bed and you lay beside her.
"Rin, even though I have been talking this guy--"
"Don't have no idea whether you're talking to a guy or a girl or a bot or whoever!", Hyerin huffs, "Look I know you like talking to them, share interests and all but can you seriously think about Joshua. You like him, don't you?"
You sigh in defeat, nothing goes past your best friend, "I do like him, Rin."
"I freaking knew it! You both are so obvious!", Hyerin laughs, "And cute."
"I'm going to tell him someday maybe.", you say, "Even if he rejects me, I can console myself saying atleast I tried."
"Before you do that, why don't you meet this Anonymous.", Hyerin suggests, "I mean look, I know you have crated an attachment towards them. So meet them in person, get to know each more and do tell them that you like Joshua."
You blink at her owlishly.
"What I mean is, sort things out. First go meet Anonymous so you know they're not some weirdo and if they're not great you got another friend. Then confess to Josh about your feelings.", Hyerin expectant gaze falls on you hoping you got what she's trying to say.
"Okay!", you say and she can almost see that see a lightbulb going off in your head, "I'll meet anonymous first, then... then we'll see."
"Then you'll confess to Josh, if he doesn't do it first.", Hyerin scoffs, "Please we know the amount of time you're both spending."
"What about Hyejoo?", you ponder, "Doesn't she also like Josh?"
"Look, I'm very much surprised Joshua made it past a week okay? But I really want her to see Jisung's the one for her. That poor boy, I don't know how many heartbreak he suffers everytime my sister chooses a new crush, chooses someone who's not him."
"And tell her to spend a day without Jisung, she'll go berserk.", you continue to add points, "I wonder how long until she realises it's been him all this time."
"I know right, she's so goddamn stubborn.", Hyerin laments, "Hope she doesn't pull something stupid to get to Joshua because he doesn't even have an ounce of interest towards her."
"Good for me I guess?", you shrug and get an 'aww' on return.
You immediately pull up your phone and send a text.
You:
[7:25 PM] I was wondering if we could meet up?
Anonymous:
[7:30 PM] What about your rule of not knowing each other personally ?
You:
[7:31 PM] The one who made the rule is trying to break it, so .....
Anonymous:
[7:32 PM] Ok cool, let's meet.
You:
[7:33 PM]
Okay day after tomorrow, 5 in evening at Crimson Café. Sounds good?
Anonymous:
[7:33 PM] Fine by me.
How are we going to recognise each other lol?
You:
[7:34 PM]
I'll be wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo on it.
Anonymous:
[7:35 PM]
I'll be wearing a green sweatshirt with Los Angeles written on it.
You:
[7:36 PM] Noted. See you on Thursday!
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Next day when you cross the threshold of your school canteen, it's not Hyerin who gets hijacked by Jeonghan.
He hijacks you.
"What does the school heartthrob want from me?", you quip nonchalantly, "And you have a treat pending so...."
Jeonghan rolled eyes, "Oh my god, fine. After classes end, let's go to that bakery shop nearby. I heard they sell the best black currant cakes."
"Deal!", you bump his shoulder, "I'll be waiting by the exit. Will drop a text."
Jeonghan gives a nod, pats your head and part ways to attend the class.
Joshua has been occupying mostly of mind nowadays and you wonder if he was just a mere crush anymore. You also realise that you could have texted him asking if he's attending school today or not but you don't have his number.
You ask him for it next time, you take a mental note.
As promised, Jeonghan takes you to the bakery and after placing your orders Jeonghan finally ask a favour from you.
"It's the final project and I have no clue how to design the cover.", he tells you, "So could you please help me with it?"
Jeonghan knows you would definitely help him.
"Han, look to be honest, I have a lot of assignments and project to deal with", you explain, "So there's a limit on my end to provide you support. It shouldn't be taking long, we need to decide specific days and anyhow get it done by that."
Jeonghan sighs in relief, "Y/N you could have literally said no but you're an angel.", he grabs your hands and expresses his gratitude, "I'll mail you all the details and you have a look. Then we can decide on the rest."
"Sounds like a plan and you know I'd never not help you if I could.", you assert, "You are a good friend."
Jeonghan would never admit but his heart swells with emotions. For him too, you have been a good friend. Not always in touch maybe, but the one he can confide to anytime.
You let out a yelp when your pulled against his chest, as Jeonghan gives you a side hug.
"Dude what's gotten into you?", you scrunch your nose looking at him with pointed eyes.
"Well definitely not someone who goes by Joshua Hong.", he teases.
You gasp, almost scurrying away from him.
"Hyerin that little snitch!", you gruff in disbelief and Jeonghan laughs.
Joshua doesn't see you in school. He searches but you're neither in the canteen, nor with Hyerin or any of the classes he thought you'd be.
"Looking for Y/N?"
He hears a familiar voice and doesn't like it at all.
Hyejoo stands in front of him, her lips curled up in a smirk, arms crossed over her chest.
"If you know then tell me or mind your own business.", he deadpans.
Hyejoo definitely knows where and with whom you are because she had overhead you two while passing by and the absolute joy she got because that would definitely be a fuel to fire.
Joshua decides to walk off but what he hears next cause him to halt.
"Be careful Josh. Y/N maybe not be all what she seems to be.", Hyejoo says.
She continues on realising she has successfully garnered his attention, "I'm only saying because I care for you."
"What are you trying to imply here?", Joshua asks.
She chuckles, a mocking tone cutting through which Joshua fails to notice, "Did she ever breakdown in front of you?"
Joshua stills. A moment later he nods.
"You'll often have to handle that, not a big deal", her lips curl down as if in worry, "But as days goes she'll be blaming every irrelevant things on you. You won't be able to tell her that things are not working out for her because she's not trying."
Joshua is rooted to ground, he only listens.
"I assume you already know about her safe place."
Joshua feels like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him.
"Your face says you know it.", Hyejoo taunts, "It's always like this. She's difficult to handle."
"What do you mean by always?"
"It was same with Junsik, her ex.", she utters hurriedly.
Joshua doesn't know what he's gonna do with all these information he just acquired.
"Let me take you where she is now."
That's how Joshua finds himself standing outside the bakery. Through one of window walls he sees you laughing at something Jeonghan was saying.
His hands balled into fists as he watches Jeonghan pulling you into his embrace.
You look so happy that Joshua's mind lingers back to the memories shared between you two and he doubts if you were ever this happy when you were with him.
When he sees Jeonghan feeding you, his heart constricts too tightly in his chest.
He realises that he doesn't like the intimacy between you and Jeonghan.
He realises he wants to swap places with Jeonghan, that he should be the one who gets to hug, to feed you or hold your hands.
He realises that he likes you.
He likes you a lot.
"You like her, it's so obvious", Hyejoo says impassively, "But does she like you back?"
Joshua has his minded clouded with all sorts of nonsense Hyejoo fed him with that anger seeps through his veins and clutters in his heart as pain.
He blames himself for believing that you would have some sort of liking towards him and he is indignant because you acted as if you would reciprocate his feelings.
Joshua leaves with a heavy heart and he might not have noticed the tears that were pooling his eyes.
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Your eyes stray in anticipation everytime you sense someone passing by your table.
You wait for Anonymous as decided at the Crimson café with lot of expectations and only one hope for the person to be not any weirdo.
You:
[7:10 PM] I'm already in here.
Took the table nearest to the counter, the view looks good from here :)
You quickly send the text and rest the phone on the table as you take out your sketch book and start doodling.
Joshua is still heartbroken for which he really looks forward to meet Anonymous.
Today, he just wants to forget everything and have a good time.
To get you off his mind, to push back the career choices, he only wants that.
He heaves a deep breathe standing outside the café and his lips curl up as he reads the text he just received notifying that the one he's going to meet has already arrived.
Joshua pushes the door, walking in.
All hope dissipates instantly when he sees you, wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo, sitting at one of the two tables nearest to the counter, other one being empty.
Joshua doesn't think anymore, he just sprints out of the café.
You sigh bored, finally getting your head out of your sketchbook and check the time.
You:
[7:24 PM] You didn't forget about meeting me today right??
Are you stuck somewhere?
It's 8 now, neither do you get a response of your texts, nor does Anonymous shows up.
You:
[8:03 PM] Are you still coming?
Did something happen? Are you okay?
Please just drop a text whenever you get this, I'm worried...
The clock strikes 9 and you're dragging your body out of the café.
You are worried. You are exhausted.
Not trying to read much into it, you coax yourself into believing that there must be a valid reason for Anonymous to take a raincheck on you. That you'll get a response and may be an apology later.
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Next day when you wake up, the first thing you do is check your phone.
No messages.
You huff in annoyance but don't let it ruin your mood because today you have a mission.
To get Joshua's number.
Not a big deal, you could have easily gotten it from Hyerin but you believe it's best to be a little brave and get it from the person himself.
Generally, you have often bumped into him for the past few day but today, somehow it's hard to find him. You even doubt if he's attending school today.
But that doubt dissolves when you see him in the canteen, snacking on a snicker bar and scrolling through his phone with a bored expression.
A grin sets on lips as you walk up to him and occupy the seat across him.
He lifts his gaze from his phone and his heart drops when he sees you.
"Hey", you say, "I have been searching for you."
Suddenly, there's a screech and Joshua is dragging out his chair as he stands up.
Your curious eyes try to meet his but he doesn't look at you.
"Josh--"
"I have a class now.", he says and leaves.
You are confused and you are worried.
If he's having a bad day you want to help him, as he had done for you.
If he's bothered by something, you want him to eat up your ears by ranting it all out.
If he's tired, you want to put his head on your shoulder.
"I'll let him have his space for today.", you mumble in distaste, "But I miss him. I'm so miserable."
Next day you bump into him in the hallway.
"Hey Josh", you greet, smiling wide.
Joshua is stoic and you notice it.
"I have some work at library.", he says and just as he was about to take a turn you grab his wrist.
"Did something happen?", you ask with uncertainty, anxiety creeping in you slowly.
"Can you unhand me?", Joshua quips sharply, "If you haven't noticed it, I'm feeling uncomfortable."
You immediately release his hand and take a step back "I-I'm sorry --"
"Save it.", he says, "What do you want anyway?"
Your mind runs thousand miles on the memory lane to come up with anything you could have done to upset Joshua.
But nothing comes up. Absolutely nothing.
"I just want to get your number."
There you just had to say it when Joshua is vexed at you.
A scoff leaves his lips and he glares at you, "What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."
You think you're hearing everything wrong. You look at him as if he has grown another head and a pair of lips which are uttering absolute nonsense.
"How could you do this to me?", he asks, his gaze peering into your soul and wrenching at your gut, "I feel like you're always breathing into in my neck. And it's suffocating."
"What did I do, please tell me." , you plead in helplessness, eyes glistening with unshed tears and you all get in return is a condescending look.
"Stop pretending, oh my god", Joshua whispers in a threatening tone, "I don't want to see to you anymore.", with that he leaves.
You suck in a sharp breathe and close your eyes letting those tears fall. A sob throbs out of you and you are unbothered with the looks you're getting from those passing by.
Your mind only reels the words Joshua had spat out, the bitterness and hatred from them getting to you.
Joshua is the only good thing that has happened to you in a long time so you refuse let him go just like that.
Whatever it is, you're going to fix it.
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"Mrs. Hong?"
"Y/N?"
You chest tingles in mirth as you ask, "How have you been?"
"Been good dear.", she answers in her calm voice, "What about you?"
"Okayish, I'd say.", your voice wavers, "Just stressed with finals and career choices."
"You should do whatever you feel like doing.", she advices, patting your head.
"My parents want me to handle the family business which I don't want.", you ramble, knowing that ranting about it to everyone won't change anything.
"Then fight for it", Mrs. Hong says, "Go to hell and back, take all of it. It's always better to try than to have regrets for life."
You nod, somewhat finding new confidence to have the conversation with your parents again.
"Your son must be lucky to have you as a parent, Mrs. Hong.", you comment with sincerity, "You know there's one thing I have always wanted. For my parents to ask me what do I want."
You place all your items on the checkout counter and solemnly tell her, "Mrs. Hong, you should also ask your son what he wants. You know as we grow up, we discover new interests, our choices change. You're a sensible parent so I want you to be the cool mom and support his descisions, whatever it maybe be."
Mrs. Hong stiffens for a moment. Her mind reels back to a lot of things and she has been complacent with Joshua on this matter.
"Mrs. Hong?", your concerned voice reaches her, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
You are suddenly pulled into her embrace and she thanks you.
"You might have unknowingly done me a huge favour.", she whispers on the top of your head.
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"He has been cranky lately", Mingyu hums as he recollects, "Mostly cooped up in his room, doesn't even open up to me."
You and Hyerin grimace at his words.
"Did he shout at you?", you ask in hopes that it's only you but it's just a phase and Joshua is mad at every one.
Mingyu pouts because he knows the answer he's gonna give you is nowhere going to make you feel better.
"No, actually we went to arcade yesterday. He blew off his steam at that poor basketball machine but we're good. Like normal, just he's a bit more serious nowadays."
You slouch down and Hyerin glares at her boyfriend.
"It's okay, love. I think you should confront him asap.", Hyerin wraps her arm around your shoulder as she throws pointed eyes at her boyfriend.
Mingyu seems to take the hint and says, "I'm there to help you, just tell me what I need to do."
"For the starters, give me his number.", you insist, almost on verge pleading, "If I can't get through him, then help me to meet him alone."
"Okay ma'am!", Mingyu immediately takes his phone and sends you Joshua's contact.
"Thanks Gyu", you say and getting up sweep a glance at the couple, "Gotta go, I need to help Han to design the cover."
"Keep us posted Y/N."
You nod in acknowledgement at Mingyu's words.
Walking down the alley, you contemplate a lot of things, life is tough, yours is toughest.
Nothing seems to work out for you.
You want a career, your parents don't resonate with you.
You like a guy, he suddenly starts to hate your entire existence.
Taking out your phone you open Mingyu's chat to save Joshua's contact.
Just as you proceed to add it to a pops up appears.
Do you want replace the contact name from Anonymous to Joshua?
Your eyes go round like saucers as you re read the sentence again and again.
You trace back and confirm that it's actually Anonymous.
Joshua Hong is actually Anonymous!
"What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."
Joshua's words ring in your mind and everything made sense to you now. That also meant he had come to the café and left without meeting you, misunderstanding the whole situation.
You immediately call Jeonghan only to cancel on him.
Next, you're calling Mingyu and as soon as he picks up you say, "Gyu, please anyhow bring Joshua to that old park, I need to talk to him, it's urgent."
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Joshua is startled when Mingyu suddenly barges into his room and starts tugging on his sleeves.
"I need a help from you Josh", he says and Joshua could sense the urgency in his voice, "We have to be somewhere."
As an unsuspecting and good friend he was, he immediately agreed on it.
Suddenly he is dropped off outside the park with Mingyu saying, "Go inside and you'll know it", before riding away in his bike.
Joshua stands there for a moment, utterly confused but anyways walks into the park.
You wait for him, biting off almost all of your nails.
You figure out his silhouette approaching and you could also see his face morphing from confusion to distaste on seeing you.
"Is this some kind of prank?", Joshua yells out, "Very irritating."
You are prepared to hear all the harsh words and off word gazes you're gonna get.
You are also adament to dissolve the misunderstandings and confess your feelings for him today.
"I think there's a misunderstanding, you need to listen to me.", you speak stepping ahead.
Joshua doesn't respond and you take it as your cue to continue.
"I asked Mingyu for your number today.", you continue carefully, "That's when I came to know you are Anonymous."
Joshua scoffs, "You really think I'm gonna buy it? What do you take me for Y/N?"
"I'm not lying --"
"Oh so you're telling you bumping into me right after I texted you that night is pure coincidence? Pairing up for detention classes was also a mere coincidence? Don't you know it's quite weird, how I got to see you each and everywhere, often, more and more just after I hit you up with those texts.", Joshua's gaze is enough to cower you down, his words just added to his condescendness towards you.
"What are you getting at?", you ask bracing yourself for another set of insults you knew that are going to come your way.
"You clearly knew that it was me the whole time.", he spats out, "You just wanted some attention because of the petty princess you are. Oh did I mention attention seeker too?"
"You're not in your right mind Joshua.", you warn him, "Don't say anything you're going to regret later."
"I'm not gonna regret anything. The only thing I regret is meeting you. Do you always do this?", he asks rather accuses you and you shot him a look.
"Do what?"
"Make guys believe that you like them and them tangle them into a trash relationship?", he chuckles bitterly, "I almost believed that you like me until I saw you with Jeonghan. Are you gonna take him to your safe place too? Were you gonna treat us the same as you treated Junsik?"
You freeze on hearing that name.
"How do you know about Junsik?", your eyes sting and voice falters, "What do you know about him?"
"Does it matter now?", he disregards you totally, "You are really sick for playing me like that because I really liked you..."
You perk up at his words, the pain in your heart never subduing but tearing it into infinite pieces.
"But fortunately, it isn't too late.", his words are venomous, more than he could realise, "I want to see you ever again. So do me a favour and never show your face again."
Your sobs doesn't stop until you're biting your tongue to the point where the metallic taste fills your mouth.
You lift your gaze to look at him past your wet lashes, "I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-", you fist your hands focusing on them to not break down, "But your wish is granted."
You only say that much before walking past him.
The door to your heart, through which Joshua was making his way is cemented now.
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"He said what?", Hyerin is raging and you are the one actually keeping her in check instead of getting comforted.
"Kim Mingyu what kind of bastard your best friend is?", she yells at her boyfriend, "Why are you even friends with him?"
"I still can't believe Joshua could say all this.", Mingyu mumbles, "I was quite sure that he liked you back and he obviously liked talking to Anonymous which turns out to be you."
"Leave it guys", you speak meekly through your sore throat, "It's all over--"
"It's not over, how dare he bring up Junsik?", Hyerin is sure she's going to commit manslaughter today, "What does he know about him?"
"I wonder", you sigh and lean against her shoulder.
"And he thinks, you were gonna double time him and Han?", she throws Joshua another punch at the gut in her head, "Who does he think he is? That bastard I'm-- I'm gonna ugh!"
Mingyu breaks into cold sweat on looking at his girlfriend, grimaces on watching you and fumes in anger when thinks about Joshua.
"Something must have happened, he ain't always like this.", Mingyu comments and is met by a death glare from Hyerin but he continues, "We need get it out of him."
"Whatever guys", you climb on your bed, laying down, "If you want me as your friend then never bring up Joshua ever again. I'm being serious right now.", you pull over the comforter and point your index towards the door, "Thanks for coming but now you both please get out."
Once the door slams shut, all the tears you've been holding stream down as you indulge in self dejection and that broken heart of yours bleeds in scarlet red. A colour so beautiful yet vicious.
A colour that Joshua gave you so brutally.
Joshua Hong was cruel to you and you pledge you're not going to give him the luxury to hurt you again, you're going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.
Joshua Hong is a just stranger to you now.
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Joshua doesn't immediately leave from the park. He takes a seat on one of the rusty swing and cools down. And while doing so his mind lingers back on the recent episode he had with you.
Joshua is generally a calm guy, a bit cranky but mostly calm. So when his own voice echoes in his mind saying those words to you, he topples with guilt.
He knows he went overboard and he was the actual sick one for bringing up your ex into the conversation.
But words once said cannot be taken back.
Letting the emotions get consume you is never a wise choice and Joshua made that mistake today.
His heart constricts when he remembers your tear stained cheeks, hurt eyes and maimed demeanor.
"I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-"
He laughs. He is humored at how sincere you sounded when you were lying.
A Jack of Fools.
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You are watching an interesting movie on your phone when someone taps you on your shoulder.
You crane your neck to see Jeonghan, seriousness ghosted over his face.
"What happened?"
He heaves a sigh and takes the sit across you.
"Before you start", you say getting up, "Let me bring something to eat."
Joshua enters the canteen and is displeased to see it extremely crowded. He searches and gladly he finds an unoccupied seat which he quickly takes.
On sweeping his gaze he finds Jeonghan occupying the table in front to his so he seats with his back faced to the later.
That's when he sees you passing by and hears a screech of chair. You place the food tray on the table as you take the seat opposite to Jeonghan's, and behind you is where Joshua is seated.
You don't notice Joshua.
"Spill.", you say, passing him a plate.
Jeonghan relents. He stays quiet for a moment before he's speaking, "It's about Seji."
You nod and wait for him to continue.
"We've been talking again.", he says and he wants to say a lot more but he cuts it down to, "My feelings are resurfacing."
"Your feelings for her were never gone.", you shrug poking the food on your plate you continue, "Look I don't get what the concept of being on & off is, so either you both get back or cut each other off. Otherwise I'm sorry but this looks very toxic to me."
"You're always so brutally honest", Jeonghan mops, "and have a clear conscience that's why I always confide in you."
"Oh, it's nice to hear that, someone just called me liar, sick and all sorts of synonyms it could go for.", You say meekly.
Joshua who has been eavesdropping, in his defence he had no choice as they sat behind him, it was all audible.
Jeonghan gasps in disbelief, "Who do I need to chain on? Tell me."
You give him a knowing smile and Jeonghan understands.
"Joshua berated you?", he ask gently, "I thought you were going to confess your feelings to him?"
Joshua freezes.
Then he hears a sob.
"Please, please don't cry. I don't know what happened but he doesn't deserve your tears.", Jeonghan rushes over to you as he hands you his handkerchief, "Gosh, I can't believe someone could hurt you so much. Promise I won't ever bring him up again, stop crying please."
You shake your head, wiping your tears, "I-I liked him a lot Han. And he said I was gonna double time with you and him."
Joshua hisses, he's ashamed.
Jeonghan sees red when he hears this, "He said what? No, I need to find him and beat the shit out of him. What a jerk, good riddance Y/N. Curse him all out now."
"Please Han", you tug on his sleeves, "He doesn't deserve any of this attention. I don't even want to hear his name anymore."
Jeonghan seethes but he decides to let it go for now. He would definitely deal with Joshua later.
"How about I take you that bakery? We can have everything you want!", he tries to cheer you up.
But you shake your head in protest, "You already bribed me so much for a mere cover design Han. I shouldn't rob you anymore."
Jeonghan rolls eyes, "Please it's not a mere cover, it requires so much effort and even though you're crammed with your tasks, you decided help me diligently."
"Fine.", you say, "You better sort things out with Seji and I'll text you when I work over on what discussed on before."
Joshua is this close to turn around, the apologies being on the tip of his tongue.
But you are leaving and Jeonghan follows you not before throwing a glare at the back of the person about whom you both just had a conversation.
Jeonghan knew about Joshua sitting exactly behind you this whole time.
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"Hey mom", Joshua greets as he sits on the tool, "You wanted to discuss something?"
Mrs. Hong is standing by the kitchen counter, your words have been ringing in her head since that day and she wants her only son to know that he doesn't need to feel burdened if at all he has been feeling so.
"I want to ask something and I'm expecting an honest answer from you."
Joshua straightens in his seat as his attentive eyes fixates on his mother.
"What do you want to do Shua?", she elaborates when she see creases on his forehead out of confusion, "As in your choice for a career?"
Joshua's eyes goes round, as this was totally unexpected to him, something he had been meaning to bring this topic but never had the courage.
It suddenly felt like a blessing as he collects his thoughts and frames the sentence in his mind before speaking out.
"Mom, I don't want to be a lawyer.", he says and waits for his mother's reaction.
Mrs. Hong falters a bit but she quickly regains her composure.
Joshua notices, it's natural and expected, so he continues, "I don't know what I want to do but it's definitely not law mom. Just for clinging onto it because it was dad's profession, I don't wanna regret it later, have depression and blame everyone for it."
Mrs. Hong walks over to her son and pulls him into her embrace, "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I wanted to mom but I didn't have the courage to break your heart, knowing how much you treasure everything related to dad.", he whispers, voice wavering, "But won't dad be happier if I follow my passion and live in content?"
"Yes, he'd be so happy. I'm sorry for being so ignorant", Mrs. Hong sobs, "I should have been more attentive. You're allowed to do whatever you want Shua."
Joshua smiles in relief, a big weight being lifted off his chest.
"Thanks mom.", he say sincerely, "Thanks a lot."
"We both should be thanking that girl.", Mrs. Hong laughs, wiping her years and also patting her son's back.
"Who?", Joshua quips up.
"Oh you wouldn't know her." she says, "She made me realise that parents often take matters related to their children for granted and for providing them expect something in return."
"Please thank her on my behalf.", Joshua requests.
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Next day, Joshua reaches the classroom as soon as he could because it's the only class he shares with you.
He just wants to see you.
You enter the class minutes after he does. Joshua's gaze is on you, you are aware but your gazes never meet, not when you walk past him and sit in the back.
In today's class, you are gonna get to know the project topics and will be assigned partners for completing the same.
Joshua hopes he get paired with you.
You pray to get assigned with anyone but Joshua.
"You can choose your partners.", the teacher announces, "In groups of two."
You groan, definitely luck not your side because you knew no one except one and the one you knew you'd never pair up with him.
Joshua is sure that universe is giving him a chance and with his new found confidence, he walks upto the walks to your desk.
When you see Joshua walking your way, you think he's gonna pass by but instead he halts infront of you.
You are going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.
"Hi Y/N..", he says with hesitancy.
You don't even spare him a glance.
Even though he's sweating and up on his toes, he asks, "Will you be my partner for this project?"
"No.", you say resting your face on the palms of your hands, still not looking at him, "Thanks for asking though."
"I'm sorry Y/N.", he just wants you to look at him atleast but you don't make any effort to do so, "I went overboard that day. Said many things I shouldn't have. I just--"
"You have said all the things you wanted to say because you wanted to hurt me.", you crane your neck to lips curl up in a mocking smile, "You don't have to apologise to look good to yourself specially when you don't mean it. Don't be a hypocrite and let's pretend to not know each other from now on."
You are standing up, grabbing your notebook as you continue, "Since you don't want to see my face, don't talk to me."
Joshua's words are coming to bit him back as pure venom.
You take out your phone, "Look here, I'm doing this infront of you so that you can get assured."
Joshua's curious gaze falls on the screen and his heart drops when he gets your intention.
"See I'm blocking your number.", you press on the block button and your thumb hovers over the delete button, "And now I'll delete your contact. Rest assured, you won't be bothered by me."
Joshua stays rooted to the ground until the teacher calls his name.
Fortunately, you don't get paired with Joshua.
"I don't want to see his face, let alone talk to him", Hyerin barks, literally barks, "You're calling in for your best friend's murder, I'm warning you."
Mingyu agrees that he's hypothetically plotting a murder by letting his girlfriend meet his best friend.
"Babe, when I said we need to get the root of this, we are gonna do so.", Mingyu warns Hyerin, "Now, when Joshua walks in through the door, I'll talk to him. You only speak when needed."
Hyerin huffs, "Lucky that I love you."
Mingyu grins and pecks her lips.
The door creaks open and Hyerin scoffs, "Here comes the idiot."
Joshua doesn't have a good feeling, specially seeing Hyerin who's constantly glaring at him and he thinks that's enough to drill holes into his skull.
"Hi guys", he tries to initiate a conversation, "Why did you wanna meet?"
"First, what you did Y/N was very lowly", Mingyu says, "I'm very disappointed in you."
Joshua sits quietly, hanging his head low.
"What do you know about Junsik?", Hyerin interrogates, "How do you know him?"
Joshua fiddles with his fingers and sits wordless.
"We're not here to look at your face, you better open that stupid mouth of yours like you had done that day.", Hyerin barks again, her patience wearing thin.
"Hyejoo told me about him.", Joshua says and looks up at her.
Hyerin stiffens, all the words she was about to gurgle gets stuck in her throat.
Joshua finds an opportunity and he relays everything that happened to the couple.
"You should have asked me about Jeonghan atleast.", Mingyi sighs, "And how could you bring up Junsik when you don't even know a thing about him?"
"Junsik was Y/N's first, well only boyfriend till now", Hyerin reveals, "who had dumped her over a text because he fell in love with a new chick in the school he just got transferred to. He just threw away a relationship of two years just like that."
"She has been aloof since then. Always reluctant to make friends, didn't show interest in other guys", she looks dead in his eyes, "Until you came along. But it's her bad luck, you also turned out to be a douche. And she was so excited to meet Anonymous until you intently stood her stood. I hope karma to be an actual bitch to you."
Joshua feels like he has been pushed into the trench, like what he deserves.
Hyerin feels humiliated because she had never thought that her sister could be so much of a menace.
She gets up and Mingyu looks at her alarmingly.
Placing her hand on his hand in assurance she tells, "Hyejoo needs to be taught a lesson so I need to go. I'll drop by Y/N's to apologize to her."
"Babe, don't blame yourself okay?", he says affectionately as he wraps his arms around her waist, "It's not your fault. Just go & handle the things your way."
She turns to look at Joshua, "I wonder how long you have known Hyejoo to believe all the shit she uttered that day."
The door slams and Joshua breathes out.
"I like her a lot, Gyu.", Joshua says in distress and Mingyu scoffs.
"Who, Hyejoo?", he counters, "Because that's the only plausible option I can think of."
"Right, I deserve to be mocked.", he admits, "You're so dumb Joshua Hong."
"Stop being miserable than you already are and if you are ready serious about Y/N, then make it up to her and confess your feelings.", Mingyu suddenly grins as he says, "I hope you get rejected five times before she accepts you."
Joshua could only grimace at his words. You couldn't pinpoint since when it started but you have been receiving some items with a cute note everyday. First time it was a mini bouquet that was kept in your locker with the note saying-
Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.
From, Your Anonymous
You didn't read much into, thinking someone must have mixed up the locker numbers. Next day, you found a miniature panda with another note saying- In a room full of basic brown bears, you are my panda.
From, Your Anonymous This time the gears in your brain turn harder when you reread the note. A lightbulb goes off and you find the literal meaning of the words at the end.
Your Anonymous means Your Anonymous in literals who is none other then Joshua Hong. That note and the teddy goes straight into the trash can. Third day, you find a strawberry juice can and a note which makes you snort.
You're the grenadine in my tequila sunrise. Without you, I'm just this strawberry juice.
From, Your Anonymous. "Now he's playing on my weakness.", you mumble eyeing the can, not having the heart to chuck it into the trash can.
Joshua watches as your stand there in dilemma with a grin set on his lips. The strawberry juice can ultimately doesn't show up in the trash can.
One day, you are climbing up the stairs reading an article on your phone when you bump into someone.
Very surprising, you find Joshua in front of you.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?", he asks and you dismiss him immediately turning to go on a seperate way when he says, "It's urgent, please."
You tail behind him as he leads to you a random empty class. You lean against the wall, Joshua stands at a distance.
"Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I bought her a dress.", he starts explaining, "I accidentally tore a button...."
Silence fills in the air and Joshua watches you intently for any reaction. He watches your eyes go wide in absolute disbelief and next you're hitting him on his arm,   "Such an idiot", another hit, "Where's the dress? We need to fix it soon." Joshua is overjoyed but he doesn't show. "It's at home.", Joshua says, "Do you want me to bring it to school?" You roll eyes, "Have you thrown the remaining 1% of your brain in gutter?" Joshua nods, resembling a kicked puppy. An adorable kicked puppy. Your heart twists abnormally in your chest, no he's not the guy you like anymore, get a grip on yourself, he can be all cute but it doesn't effect you anymore-- "Y/N?" "Yes?" "So..."
"Oh yeah-- I don't have classes anymore so if it's okay with you then we can go now.", you offer curtly, "Since her birthday is tomorrow, we don't have time." You awkwardly stand in the middle of the hall as Joshua goes somewhere seeking for his mother. You hear their voices, not able to make anything coherent out of it as the padding sound of footsteps against the floor increases. Joshua walks in followed by his mother so when you see her you almost shriek in shock, "Mrs. Hong?" "Y/N?", Mrs. Hong, pushes her sone aside and runs to hug you, "Oh my, what a pleasant surprise!" Joshua stands as confused as ever as he watches you both gush about each other. "Shua", his mother calls, "I was talking about her, she's you were seeking for. Thank her yourself." Joshua feels all the air leaving his lungs at once. It's you, again. The same girl who he had trash talked straight on her face. The same girl who is present in his house just to help him. The same girl who he likes loves. He leads you to his room and the entire time you could sense the sudden shift in his aura. Crossing threshold of his room, hits you with a surge of Joshua. You look around, watching a large poster of LeBron James pasted on the wall adjacent to his bed. A huge stack of books about economics pilled up on his study table and a neatly made bed. "Here", Joshua lays the dress on the bed and hand you detached button, "How long will it take?" You deadpan, "Hardly 5 minutes." His face falls like tons of brick and it's so obvious that you had to stiffle a laugh. The dress is beautiful, you think but it's plain, too plain for your eyes and your hands itch but you should have no business with dress apart from stitching that button back. Joshua notices and he knows what's going on inside that mind of your. He trusts you, he wants you stay longer so he plays it down, "Don't you think the dress is simple. I bought it because that colour is beautiful and rare." You perk up at his words and Joshua swears he could melt into puddle if he'd stare at your doe eyes one more second. "I could stitch a flower towards the left flange of the dress.", you ponder over and ask, "What's her favourite flower?" "Daisies", he answers. "Oh that will be comparatively easy", you clasp your hands in excitement, "A simple satin stitch would do." Joshua looks at you with all the attentiveness in the world. His heart swells and he realises that it's been long he has stopped crushing over you. His heart yearns for you and maybe that's the reason he was hurt and raged seeing Jeonghan with you. He admits to loving you, he hopes that you'd give him another chance just to show that how much you mean to him. "Give me the dress", you are already searching designs on your phone, "It will take around 4-5 hours. Come and get it by 9." "Can I be with you?", he asks and you shot him a look. "What are you gonna do, except for bothering me?", you quip back, "Don't you hate me?" "I lov-- I won't bother you promise. Just let me be with you." His underlying tone resonates in your ears and heart does flips when you look him in the eyes. Brimming with emotions (read: love) "I don't have any other choice, do I?"
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"Can you stop staring at me?", you finally blurt out, "Also, if you could not breathe on my neck!" Joshua doesn't bother listening to you, he's just having the time of his life watching you closely, basking in your presence. You are almost done with stitching the embroidery and Joshua yet again raises his hand to your mouth urging you to eat the pastry, one of the enormous amount of items he bought for you, emphasizing it's his way of saying thanks. "I can eat it myself--" "But both of your hands are occupied." This reasoning would take you nowhere. He has been acting as a lovesick soul, touch starved body and happy fool around you. And it's certainly not helping your heart in keeping check. You have finally embroidered the daisies and it turned out prettier than you had expected. "You can work magic on fabrics you know.", Joshua sincerely complements you, "Thanks a lot Y/N." "No big deal.", you smile, "Mrs. Hong is an amazing woman, she deserves all the love." Joshua gleans but suddenly remembers the purpose of crashing in your place. "Hey, there's a basketball game at my previous school on this weekend and I'd be playing, would you like to come?", Joshua asks. You look at him with a scowl on his your face, "Why don't you ask your Hyejoo to come with you?" Joshua almost scurries but it will be a lost battle if backs down now. "Am I not being obvious?", Joshua asks all seriousness ghosting over him. "What?" "Am I not being obvious with my feelings?", Joshua asks again. "What are you insinuating?" "I want you, only you, and no one else to come to my match. You matter to me because..", he breathes in, breathes out, shuts his eyes, open them just to say-- "I love you, Y/N." He does it. Says the words he had been meaning to tell you, the words those set themselves on the tip of his tongue whenever he saw you. "Josh..." He smiles at the slip of his nickname from you and leans in to you. "I was so mad when I saw you with Jeonghan, because I was jealous.", he admits, "I wanted to be the one feeding you, wanted to be the one hugging, to be the only one to closely watch that beautiful smile of yours." You are rendered speechless. But Joshua has so much to say. "The outburst I had, it was only because I realised I have been in love with you and the possibility of you not reciprocating, was hurting." He rummages through his bag and you see him taking out a jersey. "You don't have to say anything now.", he smiles and pats your head, "Think through and", he hands you the jersey, "Let me know on the match day." You lay the jersey on your bed and see a 17 imprinted on white below the name Joshua. Joshua is by the door when he calls your name, "Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it.", and he's out of your room and house. You don't know much about basketball but you know when a player gives their jersey to someone prior to a match, what do they want and what can the indications be. You let out a scream and immediately fetch your phone to dial a number, "Hello, Rin...."
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It's matchday. Joshua is nervous. Partially because of the game, partially because of you. When Seungcheol, a good friend and teammate of his from previous basketball school team had requested him to play one last game before they officially strike out his name from the team list, Joshua agreed instantly. A farewell game, he thought. The team does warm ups and stretches before the game starts. Joshua steals glances at the courtside every now and then but fails to find you. He's afraid that you won't come at all and his heart would shatter into millions. "Hey, looking there often won't make her magically appear.", Seungcheol knows and he teases, "I never thought our best shooting guard would be playing shooting hearts too." "Oh juicy juicy", Soonyoung, another teammate, who's also the centre of their team quips in when he overhears the two, "Joshua Hong is in love!!!", he shouts a little too loudly out of enthusiasm and now the whole team knows. The warm up is over and the game starts in twenty minutes.
Joshua checks his phone for one last time to see no notifications of your name and remembers you have his number blocked and contact deleted. Dejected, he switches off the device and deposits it to the collector, heading to change into his jersey. The game is already into the second quarter and Joshua's team is leading by only four points. Soonyoung slips causing his dribble to be cut and the opponent's point guard steals the ball and scores a two pointer. Soon the whistle blows and both the teams head to their respective locker rooms. As soon as Joshua enters the room, he's slammed against one of the locker by Seungcheol. He groans in pains at the sudden impact. "Listen dude, I get you're vagued but please don't let the team down. Coach is already contemplating on substituting you.", Seungcheol is frustrated, but he cares, "I want the best shooting guard within the entire school to score points. Stop being diverted and focus on the game." "Sorry", Joshua gruffs out, "I will--" "What the hell? Unhand him right now Mr.!" The whole locker room pivot their attention on the source of the voice. Joshua thinks he's hallucinating when he sees you standing in front of them, hands crossed over and brows cocked. Wearing his jersey and having his jersey number, 17 painted on your left cheek. Seungcheol looks at you, then he looks at Joshua to get the confirmation he needs. "It's her guys.", he announces with a huge grin as his hands free Joshua. Suddenly the locker room fills with  whistles, hoots and hollers. "Hi! Thanks for coming. I'm Soonyoung by the way.", a guy with questionably dyed hair greets you. "Hi, I'm Y/N...", you greet him back and gulp nervously when you realise all pair of eyes are on you. "We don't need to be here anymore it seems.", Mingyu tells Hyerin and the later nods, the two leaving to occupy their seats at the courtside. "Thanks in advance for saving the match.", Seungcheol comes to you and says, "And I'm Seungcheol, the captain." Then he looks at Joshua, "You have 10 minutes", and announces, "Clear out the room guys!" Everyone follows, all of them greeting you with huge grins making their way out. Now the two of you are left and the atmosphere turns heavy. You walk upto Joshua and grab his arms to shake him out of the trance. "Hi", you giggle. "You came...", Joshua whispers. You are about to say something but suddenly you feel yourself loose a footing as you are slammed against the locker, hands pinned over it. Joshua hovers over you, his body pressing yours and if you entire focus isn't on his lips, you could have heard both of your hearts beating rapidly. "Can't believe you agreed to be all mine, I don't deserve you ", he whispers leaning closer. "Just kiss me & seal the deal.", you bite your lips, gaze flicking to his eyes. "Gladly.", he smiles and closes the gap. Your lips are just touching when the whistle blows. You laugh, giving him a slight push, "Times up." Joshua tries to get back on you immediately but you manage to run out his grip and the room yelling, "Earn your kiss, babe!" And Joshua takes it personally. You never knew basketball matches could be this exciting and you regret not attending them previously. Oh the man, Joshua Hong is, your eyes are glued to him as he runs around the court with that sweat glistening glow on him. The game is now into it's last quarter and you squeal as Joshua scores a two pointer extending the lead. Everytime he scores, his teammates cheered looking at you and you're sure that the whole arena knows that Number 17 of home team is either trying to woo you or you both are already a thing. It's a few seconds until the game ends and opponents foul Joshua. All the players stand behind the three points line and the free line extension. You are brimming in anticipation as you see Joshua taking position at the base of the line. The home team needs their shooting guard to score the three points from the long shot. The long field goal which would seal the win. The referee blows the whistle, a cue for Joshua to shoot his shot.
Joshua takes a deep breathe, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The arena is pin drop silent all eyes on the man on the line. You breathe hitches when Joshua raises his hands holding the ball and looks at you. "This one's for you!", he yells and releases the ball looking forward. You swear the time slows down as the ball revolves on the ring, you admit dramatically, before it falls into the basket. The arena blasts with cheers and Joshua is already hurled over on his teammates' shoulder as they hail his name. You see him. He sees you. Then you're running down the stairs and jumping over the partition to reach him. The team hollers when they see you in the court. Putting down Joshua, they push you to him, circling the two of you as they chant in delight, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" You grin looking at him which turns into a gasp when he suddenly grabs your hips and lifts you up. "Am I worthy of getting a kiss now?", he asks, smiling cheekily. Your response comes in form of you dipping down and placing your lips on his. You feel him smile against your lips as they slot into each other perfectly and he holds you to him tighter. "Get a room!" You both hear a yell, knowing it came from Mingyu. You are the one who breaks the kiss but Joshua pecks you one more before putting you down. The teases never simmer down for the rest of the evening.
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"Thanks for all backing me up the whole time I was talking to them, my parents even started looking for universities for fashion technology courses.", you sigh in content, resting your chin on your palm. "You did a lot more for me. Talking to my mom, making me signing up for the varsity training program and whatnot.", Joshua makes sure you know how grateful he'll always be. "Oh by the way I changed your contact back to Anonymous.", you inform him. "You can't do this your boyfriend!" Joshua props beside you, with pouty lips and doe eyes. "I can. I already did.", you deadpan. "Why should my contact be saved as Anonymous?", he tries to snatch your phone, "Change it to babe, love, sweetheart anything. "You glare at your dramatic boyfriend, "Because that's where it started. You are my Anonymous." Joshua grins, finding it somehow cute and romantic at stance. "Anonymously Mine.", you say. "Anonymously Yours", he echoes.
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blondieeu · 7 months ago
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lust, 2. megumi f.
lust, 1.
dedicated to @bleachisfood
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"i traveled through all of tokyo for you, y'know that?"
megumi was never a smoker, or not when he was with you. when he first told you all those years ago he said it was because he heard his had, his real dad, had died from smoking and he wanted nothing to do with him. no resemblance, not the same hair color, said he would drain all the blood from his body because the thought of them being related made him so sick.
but now there he was, a changed man. only the tips of his hair were the brown color he died it the last time he saw you, he'd somehow gotten the same scar on his lip and he'd started to wear contacts instead of those flimsy glasses you'd always hated.
he looked just like him.
"why? if you left why would you feel the need to come back? i dont need you anymore."
"you never needed me y/n."
megumi's gaze was still piercing and cold, like it'd always been. so many emotions and memories locked within them, along with you. you could feel your body get hot with.. anger, betrayal? maybe even love.
"you have no right being here megumi. you were the one that told me you didnt wanna see me anymore."
and right then megumi's gaze softened, the cabrillo cigarette smushed between his fingers almost falling and his brows furrowed. guilt. guilt was the expression stained all over his face. the silence between the both of you was louder than words, tension hot and the noise of the late bus fading away, leaving you with your thoughts.
"i know.. know i fucked up.. made a mistake, i think about it everyday, im sorry."
he admitted it quietly, wiping his eye quickly. was megumi crying? he was so vulnerable in that moment, like a little kid.
"never stopped loving you y/n."
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nana inspired.
like this one? check out prettypretty, or sleepy
blondieeu xx
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pinkandlilacroses · 7 months ago
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 1
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
•warnings {none (for now)}
•comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bellas pov
“Im just saying, a rom com romance would be fantastic tight now” I state to my best friend, Avery. “i mean everyday is the same thing over and over” i continue. I can tell she doesn’t care, Avery’s been in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, Jake since freshman year.
“you need to stop being desperate” she says scooting closer to me on our couch.
this may sound rude, but thats just how Avery is, ane i guess ive gotten used to it
“nobody understands me” i say dramatically as i get up and walk towards my room.
“remember, we are going out tonight” Avery yells
fuck. i forgot.
i hate going out, theres to many people
i feel like sometimes Avery relyes on me, i mean sometimes i wanna hang out with other people, not just her. Avery on the other hand, im her only friend and i understand why, i love her but she is so mean to any and everyone that she comes across.
a few hours pass and i begin getting ready. i put on a matching pink set with a tube top and a mini skirt, i feel cute, i cant wait for this to get ruined by a bunch of drunk, sweaty college students.
i know i take a while to get ready, i mean its taken me two hours to pick my outfit and do my hair and i haven’t even started my makeup yet. my excuse is that you can never rush perfection.
“bella cmon we gotta go” Avery yells, ‘how is she ready so early’ i think to myself, finishing my coat of mascara.
“ok, ok, im ready” i say 20 minutes later. i can tell shes pissed, but it doesn’t bother me.
“your so dramatic, its a 5 minute walk” Avery says, annoyed, as always.
“i am not made for walking”
its only been 5 minutes since our arrival and i want to leave
“hey baby” a clearly drunk guy says, while he slyly brings his hand to my bare waist.
“who are you” i say, bluntly
“hey loosen up princess” he says, getting closer
i do like that nickname. but i hate him.
“im gonna go now”
i dont know if im straight, to be honest. i was raised in a household where anything but straight was a sin, so i never really questioned my interests. but whenever i see a girl who is tall and strong, my straightness goes out the window, and i feel like im sinning. ive never done anything with a girl before and im scared, i dont know if i ever would.
i walk away from the drunk man and towards the bar
“oh my god im so sorry” ‘fuck. why am i so clumsy’, i say to the girl i bumped into
“nah your all good” she says, looking down at me
i hadn’t looked at her, but now that i am. i never wanna stop. shes tall and blonde.
“hi, im paige” she says, breaking my admiration.
“im bella” i say, shamelessly checking her out
she has on grey sweatpants and a black tshirt. hot.
“do you go here” she says, continuing the conversation.
“uh, yeah, im a junior” i say, stuttering. why am i stuttering
“are you nervous?” she says, bringing her face closer to my own. yes, i am so nervous, you make me so nervous, ohmygodohmygodohmygod
“no” i say, unconvincingly.
“you sure?” she questions again. im not ok
“your on the basketball team, right?” i say, attempting to shift the conversation
she chuckles
“yeah” she states, moving back to her original position, further away from me. come back
“have you heard of me” she says, cockily
“i think everyone has here” i say, to be honest, i dont know anything about basketball. but ive heard of her before and her eyes have me trapped, there so blue and inviting.
what am i saying
“i wanna know more about you though” she whispers, moving closer than before.
“what do you wanna know” i say wrapping my arms around her neck. i dont know where all this confidence has came from
“yo paige” some girl says, she turns around and breaks the position we were in.
“iceee” she says, dapping up her teammate
im offended.
i make my way from her and towards my friend group. i want to go home
“was that you flirting with paige bueckers”
“we were just talking, shes not interested”
“girl, paige would be interested in a tree if it had a pussy, she is definitely interested” chanel says
everyone laughs. but me
im confused, why am i attracted to her, i like men, not women.
“bella cmon, lets get you home” Avery says, i mentally thank her from saving me from this conversation.
i tuck myself into bed after taking my outfit and makeup off and get ready for my favourite activity. sleep, until.
xxx-xxx-xxx
- hey is this bella?
what the fuck. do i have a stalker
bella
- yes
xxx-xxx-xxx
- hahah thank god
- this is paige
what the fuck
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A/N - first fic, how do we feeeelllllllll
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iiotic · 2 months ago
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Neuvi with a reader who is working towards her degree so is studying alllllll the time and is superrrr busy and while he admires this abt her and admires how beautiful she looks while focusing, he worries for her physical and mental health and maybe just maybe also would like her attention 🤭 tehehehe
BUSY, TOO BUSY..
summary: in which, you, neuvillettes wife recently moved in with him, after some time neuvillette realized that you are overworking youself, working towards your degree, and is busy most of the time how'd he react?
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tw: overworking reader?? generally fluff, slightly suggestive at the end, lowercase intended, not proff read, fem reader | wc: 0.6k
thank you for the request!! neuvillette my beloved, hope you enjoy girlie. (not one of my proudest works i hate it omf)
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recently, you and neuvillette married, nothing too big mostly just formalities and a small wedding in the city of freedom, mondstadt away from prying eyes of strangers.
then you moved in together, the house wasn't too big yet enough for your comfort. after some time of living together you both learnt some of your habits, how neuvillette would check every morning and before going to sleep if theres any new letters from the melusines, how'd you always wake up at a ceratin hour, how'd neuvillette bring you flowers every week before going to work, leaving them on the kitchen cabinet, or on the bed with a little note attached to it, how'd you and him struggle with the same problem; overworking yourself.
neuvillette didn't realize it at first, you'd always study when he was working. however when he came back and saw you still studying, thinking that you just started or been studing for like an hour he admired your determination. you always looked so focused on your work, your eyes narrowing slightly with you biting your lower lip or your tongue sticking out slightly; beautiful. he found you absolutely mesmerising, even more in those moments.
you managed to find time for it even after cooking, keeping the house clean and coming back from your own work. he never understood why you needed to work, he was makinh enough money already but you insisted telling him that you needed it for your experience, and so he never really brought the subject again.
it all changed when he realized that the cycle repeated itself again, again, again and again. the first or two weeks that it happened he just thought that its the specific hour that you study at, but after that he started to get a little worried about you.
the day would be the same practically everyday; waking up, getting ready, kissing you goodbye, going to work, coming back from work, seeing you study, getting unready, going to sleep sometimes with you or without you in bed.
neuvillette was tired of it. he didn't understand emotions very well and yet he could sense that he missed your touch, your affection, he wanted more than just a kiss goodmorning and goodbye. call it selfish but at this point he couldn't care less. besides don't you know that is unhealthy for you? draining you mentally and physically.
what was his solution? try to get off work for you atleast once every week, which not always succeded as he still is and will be his busty self. (but can you blame him? the whole fontaine reliefs on him.) and take you out on a date, whether it would be taking you to a romantic expensive restaurant, taking you out on a picnic or simply baking or cooking with you at the comfort of your house.
yet it didnt solve everything, sure his "selfish" desires were fulfilled but it didn't sopve the problem of you overworking yourself. he didn't exactly know how to solve it as he struggled with it himself.
so what was the most reasonable thing to do? talk with you about it. he already thought that you were smart already, and dont need to study 24/7 just to get some deegree. the talk could go two ways either a. it would turn into a fight or b. the talk would go smoothly and you end up considering what the chief justice said.
however even though the situation would go in two different ways, it would end up the same way. things would be settled in bed, if you know what i mean. pheraps if the iudex would prove how much "fun" you're missing, you'd change your mind and study less valuing your mental and psychical health more.
at the end of the day you chose the right option, besides your deegree is coming soon, isnt it?
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