#Ember Monarchs

[wubabweebil]

I realized I never actually posted this so.. here you go!! Pls go play omega strikers the tutorial sucks but it's so much fun!!!!!!

[gaymalaise]

[lacycada]

didnt feel too great about the therapy portion in question BUT overall i really liked this one, writing from a male perspective is weird but i'll get used to it probably :p

[mlpoutofcontext]

[kadieeverfree]

Art-trades y algunas vainas que nunca publique por aquí.

[the-multiversal-malevolence-blog]

{Sorry I couldn’t draw this scene}

*Hades is in a room full of revived villains*

Hades: Welcome to the team, Doctor Facilier.

Dr. Facilier: Thank you for bringing me back.

Ursula: Same here.

Scar: Indeed.

Aku: Me too.

Master Xandred: As am I, I will put my hatred on humans aside for the human members of the team so I can finally destroy the Samurai Power Rangers! And thank you for proving me some Sanzu River water and my medicine by the way. As well as bringing Octoroo out of the Netherworld and have him to serve me once more, consider him as my plus one along with Sharkjaw.

Hades: You’re welcome you guys. And you’re not the only ones that is coming.

*The Techno Limo arrives, and many villains came out. Adam from Hazbin Hotel who is now a sinner demon, Scrozzle, The Mechanic, Vox and The 2 other Vees as his plus ones, Baxter Stockman, Lord Vortech, Randall Boggs, The Joker and more*

Adam: Thanks for the invite!

Hades: You’re welcome Adam! As well the rest of you.

Baxter Stockman: Wait til I get back at those turtles!

Lord Vortech: And thank you for freeing me from my prison.

*Xehanort shows up*

Master Xehanort: I’m back with the new recruit. And I pulled him from time and he’ll be healed and get some upgrades soon.

*Then the villain who Xehanort brought in shows up*

*It was Monarch from Miraculous Ladybug*

Monarch: Thank you.

Hades: You’re welcome, and not only you’ll be cured from that damage from Cat Noir, but you’ll be able to transfer miraclous powers to people who are going Akumatized with or without those alliance rings.

Xehanort: And we brought his devices. Including those little creatures in their prison, thank The Spot and Bowser to carry and picking up it all to here.

The Spot: Boy, that was a lot of stuff.

Bowser: Anywho, we’re just to take some rest now.

Hades: Yeah, and our magic users will heal you up, Gabriel.

*Three other villains showed up, General Cryptor, Master Chen and The Wicked Witch Of The West.*

General Cryptor: Thanks for bringing us back, Lord Hades.

Hades: Your welcome.

Wicked Witch Of The West: Thank you and now I won’t melt down by water anymore?

Hades: Yep.

Master Xehanort: And I brought some more of our recruits here.

Catra: Thank you for bringing me here, and let Adora and Horde Prime squabble. He’s a dirtbag anyway. And are you telling me that he’ll brainwash me if I continue to serve him?

Master Xehanort: Yes.

Catra: Okay, he can have Sparkles all he wants.

Lady Tremaine: You did said that you are going to help me have complete control of the wand, is that correct?

Master Xehanort: Yes, we will.

Hades: And boy we have a lot more coming anyway, um Cree? Could you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cree Lincoln: Alright, we down to the two final villains getting recruited, let’s just say, our enemies won’t stand of a ghost for a chance. The ones who get the most votes, gets to be in the team!

[salynaa]

“Look of love”

Warnings : None, fluff, bad writing.

Characters ; Burning Spice, Pure Vanilla, Shadow Milk, Wind Archer.

Synopsis : They lived beneath the weight of every gaze, flashes of awe, shadows of disdain, the hush of judgment.. But never had they met the eyes of love. Until yours. What would they do, when faced with such gentle gaze?

Author note : My bad if I didn’t really catch the character right in the personality or lore!! I don’t read it at all tbh. The Shadow Milk and Wind archer part are the best one, more accurate!!🫶

Burning Spice

He knows what it is to be admired. Revered, even. His name was spoken with awe, with fear, with reverence. A name carved into legend by fire and fury. Crowds didn’t love him, they worshipped his strength, his power to reduce anything to ashes. But love? No. That was something else entirely.

And nothing he’s known before feels anything like what you give him.

Your love doesn’t come with fireworks or fanfare. It arrives quietly, like embers on a cold night. It lingers in your gaze when you look at him, not with fear, not pity, not with worship, but with something much gentler. Something warmer. Something he doesn’t know what to do with.

He doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t want to. Because understanding means thinking, and thinking means remembering. And memory is dangerous for someone like him. It means facing what he’s done, the lives turned to cinders in his wake, the silence after the storm. It means standing in the ruins of the past and admitting that somewhere, a part of him is still burning.

He has lived a life forged in heat and destruction. He’s been a weapon, a wildfire. It’s easier not to think. Easier to keep moving, to keep burning.

But you, you're a different kind of flame.

You're the softness he was never meant for someone like him to touch. You speak gently, as if your voice might soothe the parts of him that scream. You look at him like he's someone worth loving. You see him, not the destroyer, not the legend, but the Cookie underneath. And that shakes him.

Why? Why do you look at him like that? Why do you stay, when you know what he’s capable of? He’s scorched entire landscapes, left nothing but ruin behind. You know this. You’ve heard the stories, maybe even stood in the smoke of what he left behind. And still… you stay.

At first, he resented you. Hated you, even. Because you made him feel. Made him remember. You forced open doors he had slammed shut long ago. You planted something in him he didn't ask for, hope. Longing. And worse, need.

But that bitterness has melted into something else, something deeper, something terrifying.

Because now, he would do anything to protect this fragile peace you’ve given him. He would scorch the skies, split the earth, ignite every battlefield again, if it meant keeping you safe. Keep that sweet peace that lies in the rest of the crumbles.

Pure Vanilla

There are many who love Pure Vanilla.

They love the idea of him, the monarch, the healer, the forgiving heart. A symbol of hope wrapped in warmth, glowing with the soft brilliance of truth. They gather around him like moths to a lantern, asking for guidance, comfort, absolution. And he gives it, always. Without hesitation. Without resentment.

That’s what it means to be him.

He listens. He forgives. He heals.

He shines, even when the light sometimes loses its brilliance.

And yet, with every wound he mends, he forgets a little more what it feels like to be tended to. With every soul he lifts, his own sinks a little deeper into quiet sorrow. No one sees it, not really. Not behind the ever present smile, the soft voice, the unwavering calm.

No one sees, until you.

You don’t come to him with prayers or praise. You don’t speak to him like a saint or a symbol. You don’t ask him for miracles. Instead, you ask how he’s doing.

And when he tries to answer with the same gentle, polished words he offers to everyone, “I’m well. Thank you for asking.”, you simply blink, tilt your head, and say :

“...Are you sure?”

He doesn’t know how to respond.

Because you mean it. He can tell. Your eyes hold no awe, no worship. Only honesty. Concern. That quiet softness he gives to everyone else, you’re giving it to him. And it feels… foreign. Strange.

And yet, he can’t look away.

He finds in your gaze a kind of light that is not his own. A light that doesn’t ask him to be anything, not perfect, not powerful, not even good. Just present. Just himself.

He doesn’t know what to do with that.

He tries to keep his distance at first. Not because he dislikes you, but because he’s afraid. Afraid that if he lets himself be seen too closely, the cracks in him will show. That the perfect image everyone believes in will begin to fall apart under your gaze.

And then what would be left?

But you never asked him to be perfect.

You sit beside him during quiet evenings outside, never pressing. You speak of simple things, flowers, dreams, stories from your day. And little by little, he begins to speak back about himself. Just softly. Just enough. Until one day, he says something he never thought he would.

“I… don’t always know how to carry it.”

You don’t ask what “it” means.

You just reach out, gently, and take his hand in yours. When his hands tremble just slightly. You never mention it. You never ask why his smile sometimes falters when you reach for him. But you notice. And that's what makes it real. You see his grief, his weariness, his regrets, and still, you choose to stay.

And he thinks, this is what it must feel like.

To be held. Not because he is needed. Not because he is useful. But just because he exists.

You never try to fix him. Never try to tell him to stop carrying the burdens he’s chosen. You simply remind him that he doesn’t have to carry them alone. That even light needs rest. That even kindness needs to be met, not just given.

And over time, the weight in his chest begins to shift.

He still shines. He still heals. But now, when he looks at you, there is something new in his eyes. Not just gratitude, but longing. Safety. Love. A quiet promise he’s never made before, not to the kingdom, not to his friends, not even to himself.

Only to you.

That if he must carry hope for the world, maybe he could allow himself to be carried for once?

Shadow Milk

“Seriously… what is wrong with you?”

That’s what he always says, sharp, mocking, laced with that smirk he wears like armor. His voice cuts like the shadow of a blade, playful but biting, every word dripping with disbelief. He leans in close, just enough to unsettle you, eyes narrowed in suspicion and something far more dangerous, curiosity.

“What’s going on in that silly little head of yours, hmm?” he murmurs. “What are you really trying to do?”

Because surely, surely, you’re trying to trick him.

You must be. Everyone lies. Everyone wants something. And you, you, with your soft eyes and steady voice, with the way you look at him like he’s something more than just a clever mask and a whisper in the dark, you must be playing a game. Right?

You must be lying.

Trying to trap him with affection, lure him with kindness. Pretending to care, just to see if the beast will bare his teeth or show you something broken beneath them. That’s what this is. It has to be.

Because no one, no one, looks at Shadow Milk Cookie like that and tells the truth.

But then your gaze meets his.

And something in him falters.

Just for a second.

There’s no deceit in your eyes. No hidden agenda, no gleam of manipulation or shadowed intent. There’s just… sincerity. So soft it hurts. So warm it disorients. You look at him like you see past every trick, every cruel smile, every little lie he’s ever told, and still choose him.

And that?

That’s the most terrifying thing of all.

Because he knows lies. He lives in lies. He is the lie. He’s twisted truths into knots so tight they choke. He’s laughed while pulling strings, smiled while watching others fall for illusions he crafted just for fun. Deceit is his nature. His playground. His weapon.

But you…

You don’t play.

You don’t twist.

You don’t pretend.

You look at him like he’s real.

And now? He’s the one who doesn’t know what’s real anymore.

He tries to shake it off. Scoffs. Rolls his eyes. Throws his usual venom into the air like smoke. “Tch. You really think I’m going to fall for that?” he hisses, always with the same sharp. “You think you can fool me? The beast of deceit himself?”

But the truth is, it’s already too late.

Because you’re not fooling him.

You’re undoing him.

You’re dragging light into corners of him that haven’t seen it in ages. You’re whispering kindness into a soul that only knows how to echo back lies. You’re seeing him, and for the first time in forever, he doesn’t want to run. Doesn’t want to hide behind smoke and shadow.

He wants to believe.

But belief is dangerous. It’s soft. Fragile. Exposed.

And Shadow Milk is not fragile.

At least, he thought. Until now.

So he stares at you longer than he should. Quiet. Still. His grin doesn’t quite reach his eyes. His usual retorts hang silent in his throat.

Because deep down, where the lies go quiet and the mask begins to slip, he knows.

You’re not trying to trick him.

You love him. Honestly. Genuinely. Without condition.

And he doesn't know how to survive that.

So he’ll laugh. He’ll taunt. He’ll spin another web, play another game. But something in his voice will shake. Something in his gaze will soften. Because now, your truth lives in him like a splinter of light.

And no matter how many shadows he casts, it won’t stop glowing.

Wind Archer

He has known many silences.

The hush of a forest at dawn. The sacred stillness before rainfall. The sigh of leaves in the wake of a passing breeze. These were once his companions, soft, wordless things. He did not need voices when the world spoke to him through petals and branches, through the rustle of trees and the kiss of the wind.

Once, he was the wind. Light and unburdened. Wild and aimless. He danced through the forest, carrying fragrance and joy wherever he passed. That was before.

Before the darkness came.

Before the stillness he loved turned brittle and heavy with dread.

Before he was given form.

Now, he walks not as a whisper, but as a warrior.

Wind Archer Cookie, the protector of the forest. A title. A duty. A weight he bears not with bitterness, but with quiet solemnity. He knows what he was given. He knows what he must do. He carries hope like a flame in his chest, shielding it from every gust that threatens to snuff it out.

But hope, even in the purest heart, can falter when it has no place to rest.

Then came you.

You, with eyes like spring and a presence like sunlight through the canopy. A soul not forged in battle, not wrapped in the vines of destiny, but open. Kind. Alive.

He found, in the depths of your gaze, the same quiet he once found in the forest, but warmer. Where the forest asks nothing, you invite. You offer. You welcome.

You are not a duty. You are not a purpose. You are simply there.

And somehow, that undoes him.

He has stood against storms, faced down corruption, whispered prayers to ancient trees. But he is helpless before the softness in your eyes. Before the way you smile at him not as a guardian, not as a legend, but simply... as a Cookie. As if he’s not some sacred sentinel, just someone you care about.

At first, he did not know how to be near you.

He kept his distance, watched you in silence, like one might observe a sunrise, too beautiful to touch. You reminded him of what he had once been. Free. Unburdened. He told himself that was enough.

But he lingered.

Every time your laughter echoed through the trees, he paused. Every time your hand brushed against the bark of an ancient tree with reverence, he watched. Every time you looked at him, truly looked, he felt something stir beneath the wind and leaves and purpose.

A longing.

Not to run. Not to hide.

But to rest.

You speak to him not with grand declarations, but in the way you exist. Peaceful. Steady. Real. You do not pull him from his duty, but you give him something he has never had.

A place where the wind can stop moving.

A place where it can simply be.

He doesn’t know how to ask for it. He doesn’t even know if he should. The forest still needs him. The darkness still creeps. Hope is still a fire he must carry.

But sometimes, when your hand brushes his, and you meet his gaze with that quiet warmth that says stay, he wonders.

If maybe... just maybe... he’s allowed to be more than the wind.

————————————————————————

Hope you guys liked!!🫶🍊 Give feedback y’all, and maybe I would do a part two?? Say who you would like to see!!

Coems🤑 I don’t know SHIT about the deep lore of the characters except smc, so probably not accurate at all!! And the burning spice part was terrible, I know.

[jellykyunnie]

Maybe a yandere jinwoo with a reader whos self sacrificial? It would test his self restraint... (~I like to see him unhiged~)

˗ˏˋ Entry : 063 - Sung Jinwoo x Self-sacrificial! Fem! Reader ◛⑅·˚ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚ 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠 ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

[ TW: Self-sacrificing, Death, Pure Violence, Gore, Violent Jinwoo Depiction, Fluff Ending guaranteed so dont come at me with pitchforks. ]

╰┈➤ ❝ [ My Heart Is Nowhere ] ¡! ❞

Again.

You died.

Again.

Jinwoo wordlessly cradles your lifeless body in his arms. There wasn't any other sound aside from the backdrop of crackling fire and buildings collapsing.

His colleagues tremble as they inch closer, sensing the silent doom loom over them.

Sung Jinwoo had always been dangerous. As kind and as polite as he presented himself to the public and them— He was always a dangerous man.

No one can ever determine where his limit lies, he fears no international hunter and looks at the current rank#1 hunter like he's just a small child he flashes a bored smile at.

Those who witness how destructive he is in the gates can only describe the bloodshed he makes as something a warlord can do, or something that the most macabre authors can poetically write that their works would be thrown into the list of banned books.

But anyone with a curious mind can't help but wonder,...

What happens once Sung Jinwoo, the man who controls an army of undead husks— Turns his back against humanity?

What if he decides to forsake his duty towards the people who need him and unleash his wrath towards them instead?

"Hunter Sung... My condolences" Jong-in lowers his head, his throat growing dry as he cannot bring himself to lift up his head and meet the gaze of the man who has just lost someone dear to him even if he didn't know what exactly the relationship between Jinwoo and the body he was holding delicately.

"Three S-rankers, 15 A-rankers, 56 B-rankers and over 100 C rankers, I've only been gone to deal with the other monarchs" Jinwoo starts, his gaze still focused on the person in his arms. "And none of you, none of you, could stop a single woman from giving up her life force in order to completely close off a gate that wont close no matter how many times you had entered inside."

"Her sacrifice was not in vain—" Yoonho tries to say, his words immediately interrupted as Jinwoo was suddenly in front of his face with maddened lilac orbs.

Jinwoo tilts his head, an eerie angle as a vein pops up on his jaw, "She's an E-ranker."

"An E-ranker with a mana level of 5, she is closer to a civilian than a hunter. So unless you have something better to say, keep your fucking mouth shut before I rip your goddamn head off."

Silence befalls the entire place as the temperature felt so chillingly cold despite the ember flames dancing around.

As Jinwoo's back disappears into the distance with his beloved's cold lifeless body.

꒰ .... ꒱

"Dear!' Kyung-hye panics, running down the hospital hallway where he heard his son was in.

Her heart had been racing since earlier since she had heard the death of an E-ranker extremely close to Jinwoo. And now that she could see the blank and lifeless look on his oldest child— She felt a pit in her stomach drop at the sight of him.

The grey eyes he had inherited from her are completely hollow and are now completely pitch black. Jinwoo was in a complete daze as his mother held his shoulder with trembling hands with tears running along her cheeks.

"Oppa..." Jinah could only sob as she hugged Jinwoo who wasn't reacting at all.

It felt as if the life have been completely drained from him.

He wasn't crying.

He wasn't talking.

He wasn't even moving at all even as his family cradles him.

Sung Il-hwan could see it, the pure devastation and helplessness on his son who had always looked as if he could take down anything.

He can only see an empty man completely hollow inside. It was as if Jinwoo's body only houses shadows.

The old man can only purse his lips as he joins his wife and daughter in holding Jinwoo who didn't even bother returning their embrace.

꒰ .... ꒱

He stares at the gravestone in front of him, staring blankly as the rain pitter-patters down his face to simulate tears since he wouldn't cry. It had been seven hours now since you had been buried down the earth to rest your weary soul.

Jinwoo had seen this a total of 5 times already.

This very grey sight where the colours would become muddled and sickening to look at.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and lash out, he wanted to beg it all to be some type of cruel joke. But it seems that his sobs had long been dried that the downpour gave him some fake tears.

The first time you had died of the same reason— The media treated your death like some sort of movie. Something they wanted to film, everyone wanted to suddenly know you.

When you were alive, you were always treated as a laughingstock for trying to still be a hunter despite your pathetic state. Jinwoo grew close with you just because he could sympathize with that struggle.

He knew what it's like to be the receiving end of all those mockery, to be looked at with condenscending gaze silently wishing you death— So how could he resist you?

Even when you were given the chance to be selfish and just worry about yourself; you never did.

You had always looked out for him despite it all. So Jinwoo never abandoned you even when he grew strong with the system.

He liked acting weak because he loved your attention, he would come to you with a bruise on his face even as an S-ranker just so you can tell him off. He didn't mind being smacked in the head, he didn't care that he will be treated like a 4 year old coming home with dirt all over him that his mom will yell at him hours on end— Sung Jinwoo only ever cared about you.

The you with dazzling eyes with stars gleaming inside of them whenver you're enthusiastic, the you who has a melodious voice no matter what emotion you're going through, the you who he has decided to revolve his world around.

So why is it, despite everything he did to prevent this very tragedy— That you still choose to sacrifice yourself for the world who given you nothing but disdain?

Why is it that you choose to walk the same path you take over five times now? Why would you choose the world over him who would give you the universe?

Jinwoo can never know.

He will never know.

Since despite looking like you would tell him anything— He can never completely understand what goes on in that pretty little head of yours.

꒰ .... ꒱

So for the following months, he silently dealt with anguish of your 5th sacrifice alone.

Jinwoo would go to work. Go home. Have a beer. Have a smoke. Sleep? Fuck that. Repeat.

Nothing matters anymore, he never managed to protect you, what's the point of eating anything or taking care of himself?

He had this slight delusion, that maybe if he hurts himself enough— Your ghost would suddenly haunt him and yell at him with that voice he is starting to forget from the constant state of disassociation he voluntarily put himself into.

"Ah, it's that lover boy" Hwang Dongsoo's familiar voice resounds, echoing in the massive hunter building Jinwoo walked into the discuss his next activities with the chairman Go Gunhee. "Sheesh, you look so fucking miserable"

The man laughs, patting Jinwoo's shoulder as if they had been longtime pals since childhood.

"Mr. Hwang, please have respect" Jinchul scolds, holding the man's arm to pry off Jinwoo who hasn't uttered a single word despite the blatant mockery.

"Now, now, I'm just greeting a fellow s-ranker who is grieving, is that inappropriate?" Dongsoo smiles, playing coy as he felt the utter thrill of messing around just a bit more.

"You have no right to talk like that towards anyone, colleague or not" Jinchul insisted, putting himself between the enstranged Dongsoo who left for america and Jinwoo who is clearly still out of it despite the months having passed by since that faithful day.

"What? It aint my fault that bitch is dead." Dongsoo simply laughs, waving his hand dismissively. "If she's so special why didn't he—"

Jinchul couldn't even react.

All of the sudden the room was casted in a mist of shadows with the temperature going down at dangerous state, the air is heavy with this thick suffocating malice that the A-ranker was brough to his knees for the sheer pressure of it all.

And in the middle of the brewing storm of darkness— Was Sung Jinwoo repeatedly pummeling Hwang Dongsoo's face—

OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER. OVER AND OVER.

"Mr Sung, I beg you please come to your senses youn man!" Go Gunhee screams, his face completely pale as the pristine white marbles of the hunter association's floors are painted in a deep haunting color of crimson red.

His pleading seemed to be had been succesful as Jinwoo removes his fist from Hwang Dongsoo's face...

What face?

There's nothing there.

Nothing but brain matter remaining as well as bone fragments floating atop the red liquid like tranquil leaves resting on still water.

"S-sung Jinwoo... You" Thomas Andre nearly gags at the sight, his eyes flashing golden but the fire in them suddenly distinguishing as Jinwoo simply stares down at him with that blank and hollow look.

That man always had an odd purple light in his eyes.

But those eyes are only black underneath those ebony locks that had slightly overgrown from Jinwoo not properly tending to himself as of late.

That gaze was a wordless taunt: "Come at me, I dare you, and I'll reunite you with this rotten bastard right here."

Jinwoo wasn't even shaken, he had blatantly commited murder inside a hunter establisment riddled with cctvs and witnesses.

But he didn't even care.

None of the security would dare come near at the sight of his blood-splattered appearance.

They all, perhaps in a way, knew—

That for a man who had already lost everything, nothing can and will ever hold him back.

No amount of rationale, remorse, or anything human can remotely leave a budge on someone who has completely decided to become a monster.

꒰ .... ꒱

No matter how many gates he had been through, no matter how much his army would plead— Jinwoo would become totally numb as he further rises in the system.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.

That sickening toiling of the system notification as he took one life and another back to back like a rabid dog comes to a point Jinwoo owuld rather rip his ears off.

As he holds the head of another high orc, he hears a deep booming voice behind him, "Child, stop this instant."

"Why should I?" Jinwoo asked, turning back to see Ashborn taking in his form.

"I chose you as my heir to stop the monarchs, not to become a senseless murder machine" Ashborn scolds, gripping Jinwoo's bloodied arm who only shakes his gesture off.

"Take it back then if you're so upset" He merely chuckles, sitting down on the corpse of a monster he had just lay to rest. "I've got nothing to lose."

"Emotions are what leads to one's destructions."

"My emotions are also the reason why you chose me to succeed you."

"...."

He couldn't argue with that.

The former shadow monarch had nothing to say.

It was Jinwoo's sheer willpower and stubbornness to keep living was one of the core reasons why he chose him as his succesor. Nobody has the same steadfast and headstrong personality as this very man who is now reduced to a broken and grieving child who only yearns for his family.

"What was it?" Jinwoo asks, "With great power comes great responsibility? Yeah, bullshit."

He grips the sides of his head, trying to drown out all the sounds as tears started streaking down his tired eyes who had completely lost faith in anything and everything.

"Save your sympathy," He chokes out, "Or do monsters like you even feel anything? I haven't slept in a year. That person is the only reason why I ever maintained some sort of humanity even as the system explicitly made sure I will lose all of my emotions, but that single person spared me from ever succumbing into pure madness. I can't remember her voice, I can't remember her face, I can't remember what she smells like."

"So what can I lose?"

He was always the strongest in everyone's eyes. Everyone relied on him for everything especially after he became a high ranked hunter that also took the role of the face of korea. He was put on a pedestal he never wanted to have.

Jinwoo only wanted to take care of his little sister and parents. He only ever wished to be good enough to make them happy and make sure they live good and healthy lives.

So why couldn't he be selfish for even just once?

Why isn't he allowed to to indulge himself after giving up everything for the world?

Why can't he keep you?

The precious and foolish you he loved more than anything than life itself.

Even for just one little request— that he could keep you, but even with that small wish of his— he was denied of it.

He was denied happiness and love.

He was denied of even the simplest of request.

So if he cant have the tiniest of wishes, what hope would he have?

He could do nothing more than weep.

He then feels Ashborn's hand on his head, the digits stroking his strands gently.

"You've done enough, my child."

꒰ .... ꒱

That was the last thing Jinwoo had heard before he woke up in his bed again. Somehow, the late monarch managed to put him to sleep. When he looked in the mirror, his body was built the same before he had the system.

Memories would come pouring in as he looks back at the pathetic him he detested so much.

It seems that in this world there is no existence of gates or any monarch. It's a reality spared from that gruesome world he had hailed from.

Most of his memories are, however, extremely broken. His body clearly remembers things well, but somehow a lot of it are fragmented.

At least it's clear that in this reality he goes to a university studying to become a police. By miracle, he is accepted into his course despite the sorry state of his appearance.

He was cordial and polite with his parents and sister, but he had no appetite so he chose to go to school earlier than usual. Jinwoo just couldn't face them knowing how much he brought them pain and how much of a monster he truly is.

He never went to university in the past, he couldn't because he was immediately went to work due to his mother collapsing and he just never did so in any of his regression.

"...."

"...Woo.."

"Sung Jinwoo!"

He jumps at the silent calling of his name and turned to see,...

You.

"Hey, mister-emo-looking-first-thing-in-the-morning" You grin in a friendly manner, looking up at him with that familiar shine in your eyes.

He looks at you as if he saw a ghost, his hand stretching out and nearly touching your cheek but didn't when his palm almost caressed your delicate skin.

"???"

"You..." He whispers, his voice hoarse and almost broken. "You're okay."

"I'm not gonna die over a hay fever—...." You pause, eyebrows knitting as his blank eyes suddenly tear up. "H-hey, why are you crying? Did you have a nightmare again?"

"You fool." Jinwoo merely replies, suddenly pulling you into an embrace he had oh-so craved. "You absolute fool."

His fingers tangle in your hair, his lips subtly kissing the side of your head as he held you even closer to him. The pressure of his hold nearly choking out the air in you.

You wanted to comfort but at the same time you wanted to curse him out for wherever the hell his strenght originates from with the pathetic build he has!

"Jinwoo!" You manage to wriggle out of his hold and then cup his face.

He kept crying.

Like some sort of child that has been denied something that he cannot communicate his anguish. Jinwoo just kept crying his eyeballs out.

So, you can only soothe him. Whispering comfort to him as your foreheads pressed together so he could feel better.

You stare up at the grey eyes he has. The grey eyes that are dazzling and always filled with kindness.

In front of you, it's just Sung Jinwoo.

He doesn't have any other identity in front of you.

He's just Sung Jinwoo.

So how can he not be a fool who is so inlove with you?

꒰ 🪼 A/N: Should I make a sequel to this? I vibed too hard on fatal trouble hahah. I figured I should give something more meaningful not just another fluffy fic www. So how is it? I hope everyone likes this one heheh,,,, Took me a short while on this one skskskskk. ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[starks-hero]

Iron Chains and Other Precious Metals

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x Reader

Summary: Erebor has been reclaimed. But a dark, sinister curse lays over the riches of the mountain, a curse that Thorin succumbs to all too quickly. As the dragon sickness takes its toll, you try desperately to keep the peace.

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: dragon sickness!thorin and absolutely everything that comes with it

“It is in these halls. I know it.”

“Thorin, we have searched and searched.” Dwalin was the first to speak.

“Not well enough. Have them scout the west halls, send them to the mines if you have to.”

“Thorin, they have been searching for days–”

“And yet it is still not found!” The ferocity in his words left you feeling hollow, bouncing off the stone walls and rattling in your chest. “The Arkenstone lies within this mountain and I will see it returned. It is the king's jewel. Am I not the king?!”

Balin, the hardened warrior that he was, seemed to be the only one amongst the few of you brave enough to respond to his words. “Do you doubt the loyalty of anyone here?” He asked.

Thorin fell back on his heel like a scorned child. His gaze, deathly and accusing, lost a fraction of its malice as it turned on you and Bilbo. You both stood behind the dwarf, Bilbo to his right and you to his left with the shadow of the broken throne at your backs. His eyes swept over you quickly before turning once again to his fellow dwarves before him. “Know this, if someone should find it and keep it from me they will know vengeance beyond that of dragon fire.”

Each of you bowed your heads as he left, less as a mark of respect and more so to avoid catching his eye. The moment he was gone, air seemed to return to the room. Dwalin made an irritated, rough sound deep in his throat and Bilbo shuffled his feet, feeling awfully small where he stood. Balin caught your eye and the heaviness in his stare caused a weight of unease to settle within your lungs.

“I’ll go speak to him,” you decided, voice thin as your breaths came late.

“I’m not sure it will do any good,” Balin said. “Thorin is his father’s son, once fire is stoked in him it's near impossible to put out.”

Silence took the room again and remained until you left.

The gentle crush of frost beneath your boots announced you as you ascended the rampart steps. Winter was coming, its icy beginnings painting themselves across the ancient stone of the mountain. Your eyes fell on the burning embers of Laketown in the distance, a kindling ruin against the darkened sky. You wondered for the very briefest of moments if an end by dragon fire would have been kinder than the harsh months that lay ahead of the townspeople.

Thorin stood off to your right, in the very centre of the battlements.

“We've come all this way, and for what?” He didn't look to you as he spoke and so you didn't answer. “The line of Durin, my kin has had claim of the stone since the first days of Erebor, without it I am no more than the dwarf that laboured in the villages of men. A vagabond–”

“You are king, Thorin.” The words came to you easy. “With or without the Arkenstone. Just as you were king before we had the mountain. To me and each dwarf that has followed you all this way.”

Something shifted behind Thorin’s eyes and for a moment you hoped he’d seen sense. Then his jaw set. “The stone–”

“–will be found. Have patience.” The realisation that you’d given an order, and rather offhandedly so, to a monarch caught up to you slowly but the anger that plagued Thorin back in the throne room seemed to have dissolved into something far more timid. And he smiled at your words.

“I fear it is a virtue I do not possess.”

“I'm inclined to agree.” You rested your arms over the stone, shoulder brushing against the king and as you looked out upon the night it felt as though you were back on the road, sleeping under great oaks and finding rest in the sheltered caverns the blue mountains would offer. It was odd, you thought, that you felt far richer then than you did now. “Have faith in us, Thorin. Faith in your company.”

You understood Thorin’s wrath and his fear. It came from wounds that had decades to heal and had not yet begun to scab. Wounds left by broken spears, shattered shields and dragon fire. A prince without a kingdom and a son without a father, Thorin’s pain was palpable and if it manifested in stormy bouts of anger and accusation then you’d learn to weather them.

The fires in the distance clawed against the night, reaching up into the dark and showing no sign of resignation. Somewhere on the outskirts of the settlement, a burning townhouse crumbled into the water.

“Balin and Fili have begun preparations, we should be ready to send them aid by tomorrow morn,” you said. “Everything we can spare.”

“You will do no such thing.” the unforgiving edge had returned to Thorin’s voice. “What lies within these halls are the birthrights of my people.”

“Thorin.” With uneasy appallment, you turned to him. “They've lost everything.”

“Do not speak to me of loss. They do not know the meaning of the word.” His words were harsh and left no room for you to argue. “Nothing leaves this mountain. I will not see our wealth squandered on the likes of them.”

A deep cavern opened up beneath your ribs and you felt hallowed by the orders you’d been given. Erebor held a sea of riches, just a portion of its gold would be enough to rebuild the settlement of Lake Town ten times over, to refill its streets with merriment and ensure its people lived with bountiful meals and warm beds. Even the old fabrics and clothes that sat untouched in the belly of the mountain would be worth their weight in gold to the townsfolk now.

But Throin’s orders and the unwavering harshness with which he gave them rang ceaselessly in your mind like clanging bells.

You met with Balin in secrecy. Even in the cavernous halls and unending tunnels of the mountain, it was a difficult task. There was always the fear Thorin would stumble upon you both, he stalked the halls so ceaseless in his determination to find the arkenstone it was a fair concern. You worried he no longer slept.

“Dragon sickness.” The words hang heavily as Balin speaks them, as stale and difficult to breathe as the air of the crypt you stand in. “A terrible illness, a desperate need for gold. It is a fierce and jealous love that burns above all else. It took his grandfather, I fear it will take him too.”

The genuine anguish upon the dwarf's features, the most steadfast of the company, causes you to falter. Balin is wise beyond his many years, he'd seen the same ailment take hold of Thror and if he believes that Thorin will succumb to the same faith, you find yourself fearing the worst.

“The Arkenstone–” you try to reason but Balin shakes his head, his beard almost brushing the floor.

“Will only solidify such greed. That stone is the summit of the mountain's great wealth. A dragon protects its hoard. And the more precious it's plunder,” Balin shakes his head. “The more aggressive the beast.”

You heed Balin's words. How can you not in such a time of uncertainty? And as predicted, Thorin only grows more volatile. His virtue diminishes with each new day, his noble ways crumbling like worn stone in his hunt for more gold. Few of you are spared from the ferocity of his outbursts. One of which stands to show just how far the king had fallen.

During another meeting that had become all too common in Thorin's haste to find the Arkenstone, Kili's criticism, intended for his uncle, stirs the king instead. Fili, who'd always tried to make the best peace, stepped in and the scuffle that followed nearly sent the young Dwarven prince over the edge of the throne room floor.

The harrowing moment invites a deathly silence. But when you catch sight of Bilbo, who never had any kind of stomach for confrontation, flee the room, you follow after him.

A hobbit's ability to disappear and go unseen proves to be true as you twist and turn through the stone warren that is Erebor as you follow after the halfling with no sign of him. Each call of his name bounces off the stone, and after a dizzying few minutes of navigating the many interlinking halls, you find Bilbo sat alone, his small form hunched against the stone.

“Bilbo, I–” Your reassuring words fall flat as your eyes fall upon the slight glow that emits from his hands, something the halfling rushes to hide as he looks up at you. His eyes are wide, frantic and frightened and your face pales with realisation. It's not an assumption, it couldn't possibly be anything else. You've been searching for it for weeks, since first reclaiming the mountain. You knew exactly what sat in the hobbit's hands.

“How...”

“I mean to give it to him, I do!” Bilbo rushes to explain. “I was not keeping it for myself, you must believe me!”

You sink to your knees, evening out the height between you both in an attempt to reassure him. Your hands settle against his thin, trembling arms. “I don't doubt you, Bilbo, not for a moment.” Your voice is as steady as you can keep it, eyes shifting to where his hand remains in his pocket. “May I...”

He follows through before you can finish the request, pulling the stone from his tattered coat and holding it before you. Suddenly, for the briefest of moments, Thorin's lust for the gem seems justified. It shines like a star fallen to earth, sitting in Bilbo's palm like a shard of divinity, a rightful giver of a divine right to rule. You can almost feel the promise of power, the stone's alluring pull. How easy it would be to take it from a creature as small as the halfling–

It's Bilbo's words that draw you back to reality. “We can give it to him right now. This very moment. End this madness–”

“No!” You rush, the halfling starting slightly at your words. You cannot afford for the gem to fall into Thorin's hands. Not now when doing so would forsake him entirely. “No.”

You rake your brain. You could take it, destroy it, toss it into the cavernous mouth of the mines... But could you truly trust yourself to let it go when its call is so great? You could give it to Balin. But dwarves, with their natural love for all things shining and bright, could a dwarf, even one as steadfast as Balin, remain immune to dragon sickness?

You swallow then, hand shifting to close Bilbo's fingers around the stone. “You need to keep it.”

The hobbit visibly panics, eyes widening as his body goes stiff. “No, no, no, no, I can't! I won't! If Thorin finds out–”

“If he finds out the stone has been found it will corrupt him beyond recognition.” Your hands squeeze gently around Bilbo's hands, tightening his hold on the gem. Your breathing grows slightly frantic as you think. The stone must stay hidden and you've come to realise that it's already in the safest hands it can be. “Bilbo, you need to keep it hidden, keep itout of sight. Don't breathe a word to anyone, not even the company.”

The request evidently weighs heavily on his shoulders, his small stature shrinking further at your words. Your hand shifts to cradle his head, curls against your palm. The desperation in your eyes stresses the severity of it all.

“Do you understand?” You stress, voice straining.

Bilbo's features twist with notable anxiety, nose twitching and eyes widening. He nods feebly then, lips pulled in a tight line. You hate that you've forced him into such a position, but you truly don't know what else to do.

If Thorin were to gain the stone now, you can't help but fear you'll lose far more than just him, that his corruption will seep into far greater schemes, like rotting roots into the earth.

You walk timidly around Thorin after that, far more timidly than before, as though one wrong footing would snap a twig and set the vicious manifestations of his paranoia upon you like dogs on a deer.

He grows far more hostile, speaking less but with greater anger when he does, a burning rage that gains more kindling with each passing day.

He hadn't left the Great Hall in near a week. He didn't eat nor sleep, simply stood there, nearly blinded by the gold's mighty glow.

“Look at it,” he breathes as you approach him one night, steps quiet against the marble stone. His hand reaches out, hovering before him as if to touch the gold that fills the hall before him. “Beautiful.”

Your gaze shifts from the amassed wealth to Thorin, even such a small action carried out with caution in his presence.

“Thorin.” His eyes don't leave the hoard of precious metal, it's dim glow painting his features golden. You say his name again.

When his gaze meets yours it's almost crazed, wild with a hunger, a lust.

“Is it not?” A ghost of a smile reaches his lips and it's unnatural, almost uncomfortable. It's the first time you've seen him smile in weeks. “Beautiful.”

“It is a sight,” you answer, entirely unsure of what else to say. To argue would be to invite his rage and you couldn't bear it. Not when he's smiling.

He laughs at that, a quiet breathless sound and you shiver.

“And it is ours. Ours alone.”

The word hangs in the air, the weight of it slowing time. He seems to mistake your disbelief for something else. His hand shifts and curls around something in the pocket of his regal furs. It's a deep blue, the necklace he produces, gems darker than the great sea strung together by little white jewels that shimmer like stardust in the light.

“A gift.” He raises the jewellery and in your speechless shock, you bow your head so that he can slip it on. His fingers ghost over where the jewels rest upon your chest, precious stones looking all the more fragile beneath the density of his hand. “A mark of honesty.”

You feel a little ill, guilt and a sense of helplessness knawing away at you. Thorin, in his haze, mistakes it for humbleness.

“Don't you see? You are the only one I can trust,” he says, voice breathy and faint. His gaze falters. “The only one...”

It feels like an opening, a sliver of sunlight pouring through a crack in a grimy window. It's almost a faint glimpse of the old him shining through the dirt. “Thorin, we have the mountain. Erebor is reclaimed. Isn't... isn't that enough?”

Your hand shifts to brush Thorin's as you speak, but he pulls away from the touch. He seems almost wounded by your words and when he speaks again, his tone seems to beg for your understanding.

“Have you not heard their mutterings?” He asks frantically. “They conspire, they mean to take it all for themselves. The stone has been found, I know it. But they keep it from me–”

“Thorin,” you try, and in your desperation, your hand brushes his shoulder. “Do you truly doubt us? After everything? All we've persevered together, what would possess us to leave you now?” You hope it's not evident how close you'd come to saying 'me' instead of 'us.'

But the words, desperate as they were, seem to work magic as Thorin's expression begins to crumble, softening slowly at first until his very eyes lighten.

You sigh a trembling breath. “Thorin, I–”

“Thorin!” Dwalin's commanding voice cuts you short. “Survivors from Lake Town, they're streaming towards the mountain in the hundreds. The elf is with them.”

You watch as the brief softness in the dwarf's expression dissolves, a bitter and vindictive shadow taking its place.

“Call everyone to the gate. Now!” He brushes past you so harshly it almost throws you off balance. “They are fools to think Erebor will be desecrated so easily.”

The bitter wind bites at you, winter sunlight catching upon your armour as you join the company. They stand as some inverted visage of the last number of months, jovial group turned stoic. Before you is an army of elves, so great in number they blend into one great golden adversary. You find your place beside Thorin and catch sight of Gandalf other side of the wall, your armour begins to feel heavy, fusing you to the stone beneath you, a soldier upon a chess board, the pieces neither black nor white but a horribly muddled grey.

“We have come with good tidings,” Thranduil speaks. “For your debt to our people has been paid, and handsomely so.”

Thorin bristles at the words from the decorated forest king, bares his teeth in antagonised warning.

“I have given you nothing. You will not see a single shred of what belongs to my kin.”

Thranduil shares a glance with the bowman and your fingers twitch, overcome with the same itching desire you feel at the beginning of a battle that longs for you to grab your sword. Bard’s hand slips beneath his furs and what he produces is far more deadly than any weapon. The Arkenstone.

You see the change in Thorin, feel it from where you stand by his side. In your mind's eye, his skin turns to scales, fingers sharpening into talons and his head splits with the growth of a twisted horned crown. “Liars,” he hisses, as though molten fire burns in his throat. “Thieves!”

You stand on the precipice of war, neither the dwarves nor elves before you see the carnage they threaten with these foolish shows of power. A battle for the stone and its sickly blue glow. You seek out Gandalf, hoping to catch his eye, to implore him to bring about some semblance of sanity.

“They’re not thieves, it wasn’t stolen.”

You freeze, a cavern opening beneath your lungs. Bilbo moves between the company until he stands before Thorin andyou feel you’ve just watched a lamb willingly lay before the butcher. He doesn’t realise the goodness of his actions will not purify him and you shake your head, eyes already glossy, imploring and pleading with him for it to not be true. To not say it if it is.

“I gave it to them, as my share of the quest,” he says. You feel sick. Thorin’s rage is silent, silent in the same way a predator is silent.

“You, you would steal from me?” He growls, and his own kin falter. Bilbo panics, seeming to fully grasp the danger he is now in for the first time. He frantically meets your eye before looking back to the king.

“I stole nothing. I- you are changed, Thorin. The mere idea of the stone has already driven you to madness!”

“Thorin-” you attempt to intervene, reaching for his shoulder, and he shrugs you off so aggressively you stumble. The company mutters, some shifting to steady you on your feet, others watching wearily as the king sizes up the hobbit.

“Petulant, little rat,” he spits. He grabs Bilbo’s arm in such a vice grip you fear it will snap. Bofur and Kili rush to free him but Thorin yanks the halfling away so harshly his feet leave the floor. “Retrieve the stone, do what you must,” he barks at Balin and Fili as he drags Bilbo along, back towards the steps, descending back into the mountain like a drake with its sacrificial lamb. “I have a more pressing matter to see to.”

You follow as though their shadow, racing down the stone. You catch them just as they enter the great hall. Thorin recoils his arm like a whip, sending Bilbo to the ground, his words as searing as dragon fire.

“Thorin, enough!” Your voice bellows and he turns on you.

“You,” he accuses. “you stay in our halls, our home,” he raises an accusatory finger. “Know your place. ” He spits out the final words.

“Leave him be,” you warn, and when the king remains silent and unmoving, you glance at Bilbo, where his small body lays crumpled against the stone and nod. He gasps as he gets onto his feet, and steadies himself before attempting to rush to your side. He’s cut short by the press of sharpened iron to his middle.

Thorin is crazed, his sword blocking the halfling's way, the weapon looking so much more formidable against such a powerless foe. Bilbo’s breaths come short and fast and you speak the king’s name with more contempt and warning than your mind had ever associated with him. “I said leave him.”

Thorin tilts his head in a way that leaves you incredibly uneasy. “Thorin, you have no quarrel with him, he is your friend-”

“Friend? He is a lying shire rat forced upon this company, a thief, liar!”

He roars, and then metal meets metal. Your sword crosses his and somewhere deep within the depths of his clouded iris, the old Thorin stirs, regarding you with shock. “He did not lie to you,” You gasp, fingers clenched around the hilt of your weapon. “I did. I knew of the stone, I counselled him to keep it hidden. To keep it from you.” Another roar tears from him as he raises his sword. You block the attempt, teeth bared as your weapons clash. Bilbo makes it to the steps behind you, Bofur and Balin there to retrieve him, they both have the good sense to leave. At the very least to get the halfling somewhere safe before they return.

You regard your current position with a nauseous familiarity; locked in battle, the mighty gold hoard your backdrop. Thorin’s enraged roars grow more animalistic each time his weapon meets yours. His eyes have sunken into darkened coals, his breaths ragged and growling. You feel locked in some ancient tapestry, a knight made up of silver threads facing off against a fire drake.

“You are changed, Thorin!” You yell, having just dodged an assault of his blade. “You’ve forsaken your loyalty, your honour, your own kin!”

“Silence!” His movements are groggy, lazy, hunched over and heavy. He is no longer a warrior, made slothful by greed. “I will not be counselled by you, an honourless child of man that crawls the lowlands, made a leper by your own people. You have spewed poison in my ear, corrupted my mind, tried to set in me a mercy for the likes of them!”

“The likes of them?” You ask, made breathless by the audacity of his words. “The likes without homes? The likes that run from dragonfire? You forget who you are.”

He roars again, his blade near kissing your cheek. But the corruption of his mind has made him slow, his movements languish and he topples, sword clattering onto the stone. You kick it away from his grasp. It’s a pitiful sight, seeing how far the king has fallen, how the dwarf you would have once followed anywhere has become so devoid of all honour.

“Look at what you have become,” your eyes cloud at the sight of the tragedy before you. “You’re no king, not anymore.” You drop your own sword, surrendering to the illness that has claimed him, the shadowed serpent that clings to him. “Have your gold, keep your treasure. I will not stay and watch you rot any longer.”

You turn with an aching chest. It kills you, the thought of walking away. But you can sit and watch him orchestra his own destruction no longer. With your back to the king, you ignore his desperate shouts for you to turn back, pick up your weapon and fight. When they dissolve into pleas for your help, for your forgiveness, you still do not turn.

You miss the shadow on the stone wall, the drag of sharpened iron against stone as a weapon is lifted from its place on the ground. It’s too late before you feel it, a sudden blow to your head, dull and heavy. The world spins and your vision blackens as you meet the harsh coolness of the stone beneath you.

You wake to cool iron around your wrists, the shine of jewels catching your eyes as you groggily blink them open. The carved stone wall of the cell is coloured a warm yellow by the reflection of the gold that pools around you, the small room having been filled with it. Your skin feels warm and heavy, weighed down by the silver that now decorates your limbs. The necklace is stained slightly red from where the wound upon your head had bled. You can almost make him out before you, frame made obscure by your blurred vision.

“What is this?” Your voice is hoarse. “Thorin, what is this madness?”

He lights his pipe, embers painting his features gold, the shadows cast by the burning leaves hardening his features. “I did not understand, why you of all of them would turn against me,” he begins, voice low. He sounds dangerously calm, as though sobered by the knowledge that your distrust in him had run so deep you drew your sword against him. “But I see now.”

He draws closer until you can smell the smoke upon his breath, taste it in the back of your throat. His fingers brush your chin and you twist away from the touch. But he does not relent, caressing up past your temple, brushing wishfully against your hair. “It was never meant to be like this, to come to such bleak detrimentality. But you are blinded by virtue-” His fingers ghost over your eyes. His voice is almost mournful, weighted by self-appointed duty. “-honour, foolish sentimentalities. But you will see in time, just as I have come to see.”

He pulls back, retreating like a shadow. “Once I have the stone it will show you. You will understand.”

Realisation greets you, chilling in its arrival. “Thorin-”

The sound of the metal bars meeting the stone doorway as it closes makes your bones ache, and your heart drop.

“You will understand,” He repeats. He no longer sounds like himself. He does not answer your desperate shouts, does not so much as react to them. He continues as he walks away, disappearing back into the mountains depths of darkness and gold. “One way or another, you will.”

thank you for reading <3

[olenvasynyt]

Here's some Prythian lesser fae world-building headcanons because I am so bored of human-looking hot guys with semi-pointy ears and literally nothing else.

Spring has several races of lesser fae that have wings like butterflies. They are the main farmers and bouquet makers for the Spring Court but they were targeted by Tamlin's father before his death.

Spring also has a lesser fae race that are a bit like fawns / satyrs but resemble sheep instead of goats or horses. They have fluffy white wool and ram horns for the males

Many lesser fae races migrate between the seasonal courts based on the season. There are the monarch fae, who migrate between Spring, Summer, and Autumn.

There are also the Kontio fae, who are bear-like lesser fae who travel between courts based on the season. They hibernate in Winter during the winter months, travel through Summer and Autumn on the Spring Equinox to settle in the Spring Court, then they travel to Summer and Autumn perspectively until it's time to hibernate again. They are one of the main lesser fae races in my Lucien backstory fic A Court of Embers and Sunlight :)

Sprites are common in all of the courts, but each court has their own unique variety based on the elements / main features of the Court. Spring has sprites that resemple petals and sleep in flowers; Autumn has sprites that glow like embers and hide in the colorful leaves; Summer has wood sprites and water sprites. Winter has snow sprites with frosty skin. Dawn has fae that only come out during the sunrise and camouflage with the clouds. Day has sun sprites that are completely gold and shine in the sun like jewels. And Night has star sprites that hide in the mountains and shoot across the sky like comets.

Winter has ice giants that hide out in the mountains. These became almost extinct after the Human War, and many believe they no longer exist.

Winter also has snow leopard fae with tails, spots on their white skin, and and fluffy ears that peek out from their soft white hair.

Summer has the Áfruvvá fae, which is a mermaid race that lives on the coast

Night has the Aranrot fae, which is a fae race with beautiful silver skin that glows and sparkles like a star. The race is all female, very stern and independent, and live proud sexual lives.  Believed a virgin was an independent female who was answerable only unto herself. Associated with the galaxy.

Autumn and Winter have lesser fae that resemble wood lemmings. They are covered in soft fur, and have small paws with a flattened claw as their index finger. They have terrible eyesight but their sense of smell and hearing are 10 times better than the High Fae. They're called Sopuli Fae in my fanfic :) 

These are a small precentage of my lesser fae headcanons and it's one of my favorite things to write. Like come on, it's so fun! Give me more, SJM 😩

[blackcat-star]

Any Solo Leveling character is writeable for you? Is it possible to ask for a gn entomologist reader (who may or may not be autistic) who is really interested in Beru in a platonic and scientific kind of way? Like they're Jinwoo's friend, but they can't help, but be curious about Beru whenever he summons him.

I hope writing this won't be hard for you...

Afraid? No.

[Platonic] Beru x Reader.

I'm sorry that you have to wait for so long 😭😭 Hope you don't get upset.

I love you all 💗

______________________

The first time you saw Beru, you almost dropped the specimen box from your hands. The glass jars, filled with butterflies and rare beetles, rattled as you were stunned.

You had known Sung Jinwoo for almost a year now. The two of you had met by chance at a university lecture on rare insects - you had come as part of the entomology research group, and he... well, he had never really explained why he was there. He would just smile lightly whenever you asked, that faint smile like a mirror reflecting the bottom of still water, making others unconsciously want to trust him. 

Without knowing when, a strange friendship had blossomed between the two of you: one was a curious entomology student, the other was law student, a man with a lonely aura like a long night.

Somehow, you soon realized that Sung Jinwoo was no ordinary person. Bits and pieces of truth are revealed through broken conversations, sudden disappearances, moments when he looks into the distance as if hearing something you can't quite place. Until the day he hesitantly reveals - he is the Shadow Monarch, the one who stands in the shadows, commanding armies that are neither living nor dead.

You've seen the silhouettes of his soldiers from afar: their towering figures, their roars that fill the air. You think you’re prepared, that nothing can scare you anymore.

Until today.

Beru.

A giant creature with silvery wings, a body that is part human, part insect, exuding an aura that freezes the air. His eyes glow coldly, his claws glint with metallic light, and a strange, respectful bow that makes the whole image both terrifying and strange.

"My King," Beru said in a shrill voice, bowing to Jinwoo like a loyal knight.

And you? You seized the specimen box and your heart raced like it would escape your body.

Sung Jinwoo shifted his gaze toward you while expressing regret through his eyes and hiding a hint of amusement. The man spoke gently to you like he would comfort a tiny bird.��"He will not cause you any injury."

You opened your mouth to reply, but only a weak gasp escaped. For the first time in your life, you felt small in front of a creature that did not belong to this world - and for the first time, you understood that your friendship with Jinwoo had drawn you into a world much, much larger and stranger than the butterflies in the glass cage.

"Jinwoo, that… that's no ordinary ant," you whispered, your eyes widening so much they almost popped out of your head as a giant black insectoid glided out from Jinwoo's shadow.

Jinwoo only gave his signature small, mysterious smile. "This is Beru," he introduced in a light voice, as if he were talking about a house cat. "My strongest shadow."

Beru's jaw clicked slightly as it bowed respectfully before Jinwoo, then slowly turned its ember-red eyes to you. The moment those eyes locked onto you, the air around you felt thick.

But you didn't back down.

Years of studying insects had forged a heart of steel against anything with antennae, segmented legs, or pincers. Instead of fear, you felt a surge of excitement in your chest, blood pumping in your veins.

"Is he… is he a derivative of Camponotus?" you blurted, approaching Beru with the glint of a kid in a candy store. "Or more Atta-like in physiology? The exoskeleton is fascinating... a perfect blend of insect and human anatomy!"

You almost started muttering technical terms as you circled Beru, taking in every little detail: the texture of the chitinous surface, the proportions of the forelimbs and hindlimbs, even wanting to bend down to examine the movable joints.

Jinwoo stared at you with uncertainty and mild confusion.

"Most people run away screaming." The experience made him uncertain about whether it was something to boast about or something he should worry about because most people flee in terror according to his account.

You just waved your hand, eyes still fixed on Beru as if the world around them had vanished. "Most people aren't entomologists," you replied, dead serious. "Do you think I could study him sometimes? Just observation, I promise! No invasive intervention! The scientific community would never believe this if I didn't have the documentation."

Beru tilted his head slightly to look at you, his sharp teeth glinting in the dim light. Perhaps because of the special attention he was getting, the giant creature even leaned towards you as if to make it easier for you to observe. Jinwoo rubbed his forehead, obviously trying to figure out who he had just brought to his side.

"Arise," Jinwoo muttered with a resigned sigh.

Immediately, from the shadows stretching out beneath him, a series of smaller creatures emerged - medium-sized shadow ants, all lined up in neat formation before you. They clicked, their armor glistening like ink in the light.

Your eyes widened even more.

"A fully hierarchical colony structure?" you whispered excitedly, your hand clutching the notebook in your pocket as if you were afraid you would forget every detail. "Jinwoo, this is unbelievable!"

Jinwoo, who looked at you as if he were witnessing a creature even stranger than any monster he had ever encountered, sighed, nodding in surrender. "Just think of it as a personal field trip."

You were practically jumping for joy, and Beru, with a look of utter pride on his face, puffed out his chest and stood straight like a first-class specimen, ready for you to analyze every millimeter.

__________

Over the next few months, Jinwoo allows you to observe Beru and several of his other insect shadows in your spare time. You keep a professional distance - these are sentient beings, after all, not just specimens - but your notebooks quickly fill with observations.

'Subject Beru exhibits incredible intelligence and communication abilities. Unlike conventional ants that rely on pheromone signals, it appears to be capable of complex vocalizations and understanding human speech. The jaw structure suggests evolution for both combat and complex communication.

Behavioral Notes: Despite its fearsome appearance, the subject displays absolute loyalty to SJ. The hierarchy within the shadow army mimics that of natural ant colonies but with greater individual autonomy.'

One evening, as you sat cross-legged on the ground of the Shadow Realm (you don't know how you could come here), sketching Beru's jawbone structure, Jinwoo approached with two cups of coffee.

"You know," he said, handing you a cup, "Beru asked about you."

You almost spilled your coffee. "He what???"

"He was curious why you were always following him. I explained what an entomologist was, but..." Jinwoo shrugged. "He wanted to know more."

You glanced at the giant ant, who was currently engaging in a sparring match with big knight shadow. "Is he curious about me too?"

Jinwoo nodded. "He's smart. Smarter than most people think."

That night, for the first time, you spoke directly to Beru instead of just observing or taking notes.

"Your social structure - before you became shadows, I mean - must be fascinating," you say, trying not to sound too eager. "Is it similar to terrestrial ants, with a queen and specialized workers?"

Beru's head tilts, his mandibles clicking softly. Then, to your surprise, he begins to describe the queen ant society of Jeju Island. His voice is deep, resonant, with a strange clicking tone, but completely understandable.

You rush to your notebook, frantically taking notes as Beru explains concepts that will completely change the understanding of entomology - if you can publish it, which you know you can't.

_________

"You're not afraid of him at all, are you?" Jinwoo asked a few months later, watching her carefully measure the distance between Beru's whiskers with a special caliper.

"Should I be afraid?" you asked, taking down the measurement. "Beru has never shown any behavior that would make me feel scared."

"People usually view my shadows as monsters."

You looked up at Beru, who patiently allowed you to examine him. "I see a remarkable evolutionary adaptation. A sentient being with a complex social structure and intelligence. Why would I be afraid of something so fascinating?"

Then, as Jinwoo stepped outside to take a phone call, Beru's lower jaw clicked slightly.

"You are different," he said, his eyes fixed on you.

"Why?" you asked, closing your notebook.

"Not afraid. See me. Not just a shadow. Not just a monster."

You smile. "Oh, a career interest. I have devoted my entire life to studying insects. You stand as the most amazing individual I have encountered thus far."

Beru's lower jaw clicks in a way you recognize as his laugh. "Human study me. I study human."

"You studied me?" you ask, surprised.

"Different colonies. Different ways. Interesting to me."

You smile. "I suppose we're both researchers in our own ways."

[onlyseokmins]

ash and cinders • l.s.m.

Pairing: lee seokmin x fem!reader Genres: smut (minors dni!), angst, royalty!au, fantasy!au, gods/goddesses!au Warnings: magic, mentions of blood, war, cruelty, tyranny - all that good stuff, mentions of religion (au-specific), violence (i.e. suggestion of murder), (death) threats, and possible gaslighting 💃🏻 which just means a minor power play between them at first okay 😬 i promise it's not that bad lmao i'm just paranoid, lots of making out, oral (fem. receiving), lil bit of temp play tbh, little bit of choking, uh I wrote this so long ago and just finished it so lmk if i forgot anything?? it's just basically me attempting to write prettily uwu WC: 4.24k A/N: soooo, this has been rotting in my drafts FOREVER!!! but yeah seokmin is my most darling, favorite boy i've ever stanned anyways ofc i couldn't help but use his elle magazine photos (yes that's how long this has been ROTTING) ahhhhh - ahem anyways this goes hand-in-hand with Mischief Maker so definitely recommend checking that one out too! heheh <3

He only stayed during the night.    

When the blanket of darkness covered even the moon with a hazy layer of clouds, leaving tiny twinkling stars for a traveler’s guide. The fire once dancing in the hearth dwindled down to scarlet embers barely emitting enough heat to fill the large quarters.

Not that it mattered.

Even as you lay naked amidst the silken sheets strewn upon the grand bed, the thought of your lover’s return alone was enough to engulf your body in a flame of burning anticipation that settles and simmers between your legs.

He had been gone far too long. A lengthy patrol around the surrounding territories had taken him away from your embrace. Although every morning the sun’s rays tickled your face as a sweet greeting and bathed you in a radiant light through the day, nights without him were by far the worst.    

Cold.    

Lonely.    

Dark.

On usual accounts, it was a grievous crime to keep the queen waiting. But you would forgive him for anything, wouldn’t you? It’s exemplified in the way he bursts through the doors without so much as a courteous knock that even your most trusted servants must abide by, water droplets dripping from his auburn bangs.

Despite the eagerness to see you as soon as possible, he refused to step foot into your chambers when reeking of blood after fierce combat and soiled with dirt from travel. You always protested. The gilded throne you reigned from, the heavy crown upon your head, and even the bed you shared — all were built upon those very foundations. But your lover insisted on only showcasing the glorious side of things to you.

The gold.    

The diamonds.

The luxuries.

All which adorned you by day. Glowing, glistening, and shining. Gems and jewels, fabrics woven from the highest quality quickly reduced to layers that only became a hindrance once it came time for his descent upon you. For you were absolutely beautiful clothed — this he very well knew — but when your whole body was bared naked for him and him alone? You were truly the definition of divine.

Those who dared to speak ill of you tried to foster ridiculous claims. Critical of the wealth in your possession. Mocked what they presumed was a lack of ambition. Wailed that you were a witch. A young monarch on an undeniable downfall to tyranny, one that would lead them all to hellfire and ruin.

Anything to validate that you were not worthy of the royal seal emblazoned across the lands in honor of a valiant leader with a royal bloodline still running through your veins.

Hypocrisy at its finest when you were the reason that they were bestowed or able to retain property linked to their names, money in their pockets, and a legacy to live by under your prosperous reign. Arrogant to cast down the very thing that elevated them to their current standing. But their greed would eventually come back to bite them. One day.

Even the religious sect whispered lowly, hidden in the shadows of the grand temples. Doubts that the king actually held a shred of affection for his partner — if the seldom visits seen visiting your chambers only when night falls were of any substantial evidence to go by. That he only lay with you out of duty, shackled and bound to an imposter who was never a faithful servant to the gods like they were.

Because not one of them truly believed that a god could ever favor, let alone love, a human.

You knew you were a savior to as many as you were also an enemy. A hindrance and a threat. A bold refusal to control or be controlled. There was nothing more to do other than lead your people as fairly as you judged. 

All the preposterous assumptions infuriated him — your devoted knight, unorthodox husband, and scandalous lover. But he manages to temper his fiery rage out of respect for you. Behind your ruthless, steely intent is a righteous and kind heart that always calls out for him, now fully vocalized and embellished by the sweet voice he's missed hearing dearly.

“Seokmin,” you murmur, grasping his warm hand once he's within reach.

An entity of many epithets with an existence worth a millennium beyond comprehension and full of worship. Yet his favorite phonetic combination he'd ever heard was the one that fell breathlessly from your lips. The closest the human tongue could get to a god’s true name. And his second favorite would be yours, the syllables rumbling in his chest like a song and you smiled in contentment.

He was back, he was home, and he was yours.

Even in the darkness, Seokmin glowed. The ethereal radiance surrounding the broad expanse of sinewy muscles easily proved his lofty status as the great god of the sun. But it was also his eyes, flickering with the unmistakable presence as one of many deities. The kind of power that has managed to refrain from turning you into ash and cinders.

Whether it's attributed to your resilience, a ruler born to stand out and lead, or an entirely different reason — or a mixture of all — Seokmin isn't really sure. He's not the first to appear in a human vessel nor the last, with at least twelve of his known brothers wandering the mortal world for various reasons.

He wonders if he's the first to bow his head willingly, though, holding back his more devious and destructive tendencies. To pay back tenfold the worship he's received since the beginning of time all to you — a mere human — yet nonetheless, his queen.

The event of swearing his undying fealty feels like it was yesterday. For a being that persists forever, it may as well have been that short ago. Every memory he etches and sears into his mind for eternity consists of you, and only you.

How could he forget? How was he supposed to bury away the confident smirk that graced your lovely lips? Would he ever not recall the first time he bent the knee in such desperation? Not for a trick or as a dark seduction that tumbles into a dreadful demise, a conquest for carnage, and an abuse of his powers. But instead for the good of humanity — however short of an era it may be.

And maybe… for more. One that his heart fears to admit, for it does not beat within his chest, but in a plane beyond the reach of mortals.

"Would you kill for me?"

"For you, anything," the god affirms. "I have laid waste to kingdoms, countries, empires, and even continents themselves. There is nothing I'm incapable of."

"And if I asked you to behead the entire entourage that has traveled with you?"

"… If it is what you will, then it is simply my command to follow. For you, I am a lone knight at your disposal."

Silken skirts flare out as does your anger when you turn away from the large windows in the tower's tiny excuse of a throne room — hardly fit for the heir — showcasing a brief flash of the lethal dagger strapped to your thigh. "Do you wish for my downfall before I've even risen to the throne? You expect me to be a tyrant, despised by the people I am meant to save? To lead?"

"Do you think I, a god, care what thoughts others conjure up in their silly little minds? I am to act on your behalf, get my hands dirty in lieu of you. No matter how morbid your desires may be."

Stepping closer, you lift his chin with the tip of a dull sword intended to be ornamental. But it may be even deadlier than the one hung at his side, metaphorically sharpened and honed by a rebel princess's innate rage. 

His little show of bowing means little with the way he stares straight at you without a shred of respect in those galaxy-filled irises. However, it is the mighty sun god who is taken aback by the hellfire burning in your gaze, hungry and powerful enough to rival his own as you scoff.

"I will show you what kind of queen this land needs, the methods we will follow, and the morals I wish to uphold. You will learn in order to understand them and enforce my will. Not only to help guide the vision I desire but to keep me accountable lest I stray. A critical misstep such as that is when I'll ask you to cut me down. Will you swear to do that for me?"

"… You dare question a god of what he can do? Your tiny, impudent human mind couldn't fathom a sliver of my capability."

"I dare to question what you can't or won't do."

"I told you, there is not a thing beyond my realm of —"

"Leave."

"… Your Highness?"

Painted lips curl in a snarl at the first address of your proper title since his arrival. "Begone, I said! Return when you feel like acting like the god you are, not simply a tool to be harnessed and used at will. Until then, I have no need for you."

Seokmin's jaw drops as you seat yourself back on the throne with a sneer and flick of your wrist for the guard to usher him out.

A challenge. 

He's been abandoned many times. Discarded and tossed to the side once his usefulness has been expended. He's left before betrayal can even be thought of — for no one points a blade at a god's back — but never has he been rejected.

It was only the beginning of how you would become many of his 'firsts' and all of his 'lasts'.

Seokmin is lost deep in the memory even with the feeling of your lips curling in a gentle smile against his — a stark contrast to your initial meeting. A nail grazes his chin, digging lightly into the skin to fully bring the god back to the present. 

You'd be offended by the habitual spacing out if he hadn't admitted to only getting lost in thoughts of you. Something he'd picked up during the routine patrols away. Though you strive to bring the god out of dwelling in the past when you're sitting right in front of him — the present — and deepen the kiss.

Yet he pulls away to tilt his head. "Do you remember what you offered to me?"

"Have I not offered you my all, my king?"

Charcoal lying dormant in the hearth flares back to life, emitting playful sparks when he chuckles. "After I returned to pledge my loyalty to you."

"Ah, even though I had you wait outside the gates for five days."

"Unfathomable for a god to hang around at the whim of a meager human, isn't it?"

"Meager?"

"To me? Yes." 

His warm exhale of amusement feels just like the breeze that fondly brushes your cheeks every morning despite the eternal humidity. It may very well be him because no matter how far away physically from you he is, Seokmin's essence radiates in every sunray that stretches across the grand skies and below.

He is everywhere and everything all the time. But he is here with you tonight once again, kissing the palm you'd placed on his cheek. With mischief flickering like a teasing flame in his eyes, the god brings your hand to his throat, encouraging you to splay your fingers across his Adam's apple.

You free yourself from his light grasp to run them ticklishly up and down the bumps of his vocal cords. The movements of swallowing ripples beneath the light scratch of your nails until he halts you by replacing a veined hand over yours and murmurs, "Squeeze."

"Ah — but I…"

He repeats it again louder when you fail to do as asked, not even daring to move a muscle. Simply staring in almost awe-filled hesitation until he guides you to tentatively do exactly as he states, "You would have done anything to strangle me back then, what has changed?"

"… You know what."

"Tell me," he says it like it's a command, eyes brightening and swirling with an authoritative amber hue though it's all in jest. "Tell me what it is, my queen."

Never one to be deterred, only Seokmin could render you motionless for so long. You do as you're instructed, the gentle pressure applied by your hand around his throat causes auburn eyelashes to flutter. The slight restriction to an airflow that isn't all that necessary for a god's survival has his eyes rolling back before they re-focus on you, half-hidden by hooded eyelids.

"Love," you murmur. For it is the answer to everything, is it not?

"Love," is echoed with a resounding voice that doesn't fully come from the tongue of the man beneath you, but bellows out from an otherworldly essence that surrounds the entire world and beyond. And at the same time, he speaks it so fondly because ultimately, he's addressing it as a title for you.

The god of the sun, as immortal as he might be, has died before. Mortal vessels manage to persevere for a fixed number of years and a feeble human body can only endure so much wear and tear. Yet Seokmin's soul still shines steadily onwards despite the memory of death over and over again lingering… and he unsurprisingly realizes that he wouldn't mind dying like this — by your hand. 

Was that love? 

But the amount of power, energy, and time, along with the unpredictable wiles of the creator would never guarantee him returning to you. Preservation of this human shell was of the utmost importance, the first time he's ever handled a vessel with care before.

Perhaps that was love.

Rather than be swept up in unpleasantries, he entertains the amusing thought of how much fragility you exercise with him. Having already released your grip far too quickly and instead, fiddle with the untied laces on his loose shirt.

"Love," he repeats, this time as a call in a raspy drawl of his own voice. 

"Hm. Or maybe it was… pity."

An eyebrow raises and the corners of Seokmin's mouth twitch upward. "Only my queen would dare to pity a god."

"It was for what you were. And who you weren't. I despise those uppity, repetitive displays of unwavering loyalty that either party can easily discard."

"Like the former king's imperial court."

"Yes." 

Your angered hiss is exactly the same as the first time you informed him of your plans to take down your father and his cult. The disgust and rage have barely ebbed even after all the progress made for a better future and as many years that have passed. 

Seokmin scans your expressions. He's always admired your spitfire that could rival his own flames. But in times when it burns long enough to possibly exhaust or hurt you, he worries. You're strong — he knows that — so many times he simply becomes the safe space where you can seethe aloud without interruption. 

"Would you rather grow dull and be poisoned because someone is not even worth keeping an eye on or the thrill of unpredictability? A constant sword dance that keeps each other on their toes, never deviating gazes from one another."

He smirks. "That sounds familiar."

You think back to earlier days with him. A stubborn royal and an even more stubborn deity. When did the challenging, pointed glares at one another change to simmering looks of desire?

Instead of your swords tangling together in an angry clash over a small matter, it was your tongues after a heated sparring session. How condescension switched to respect to something more passionate… more primal… more intimate.

"Perhaps so. But look at you now — look at how you shine."

His skin indeed glows a bit brighter as he melts further into the soft touch of your palm returning to his cheek. Thumb tracing constellations between the pair of moles on his cheek while your other finger follows the nearly invisible scar below his eye.

"Little blemishes," he had once told you, "even the body of a god bears its flaws after fighting on a battlefield."

You thought they only made him all the more perfect.

"And look at how I've fallen."

As if to demonstrate his murmured words, Seokmin moves at the speed of light — his normal pace — to lie on his back, umber strands of hair spread out like flames of fire against the grandiose bed's silken sheets.

Somehow, he'd positioned you on top of him. Much accustomed to the tiny displays of omnipotence here and there, you remain unbothered. Affectionately, you brush back his bangs. Fiery wisps of hair that seemingly move on their own accord with the amount of power that ripples through their thin fibers.

He might just be the most powerful among his fellow deities and you could wield all of that as your own because he sits obediently in the palm of your hand. Lays dociley among your silken sheets. What he's trying to prove to you — the hold you have over him — immediately enthralled under your spell as you play with his locks and softly whisper, "You're Seokmin. My Seokmin."

Despite your bare chest quite literally in his face, the god waits. Fully clothed in soft linens where he can feel every tempting pulse thundering in your precious mortal body on top of his. 

And still, he waits. 

His hands don't even reach out as you unlace his shirt. Though he has wrecked and ruined your body in a thrillingly sensual, blistering, and passionate heat of love-making before, tonight he gives himself over to you. Vulnerable and all yours for the taking, watching with faint amusement as you impatiently urge him to shed the rest of his garments.

"My queen."

"My king."

"There is no rush. We have all of eternity."

"Do we?" you breathe out and look him in the eyes as your fingers dance along his inner thigh. "Or is it only you, divine ruler of the everlasting dawn and never-ending night?"

"My graceful moon," Seokmin sighs and distracts you from grasping his weeping shaft, urging you to straddle his legs. You follow his will despite the object of your desires lying neglected between your bodies, coating your stomach in the molten saltiness that drips from it.

"My stars, my sky, my galaxy, my universe." Each title of affection is seared into your skin with a burning kiss to brand your body. Your cheek, your ear, your neck, your shoulder, and your hand. "Without you in it, the world ceases to exist."

"My sun, my warrior, my knight, my shield, and my sword." You repeat a version of your own display of worship and what he means to you — mimicking the same actions across his lithe body. "My love, it would do you good to live in the present with me. Must you think of a dire future so soon?"

"Each inhale of life thus returns an exhale of death. I dread every moment that brings me closer to your end."

"Such morbid thoughts you carry, my darling. Where is the fearless god that took a poisoned arrow to the heart and pulled it out without so much as a flinch?" 

"You think me weak when I'd take the blow of any weapon as long as it does not harm you."

The irony when you'd both been struck by invisible, non-lethal darts fired from the god of love's feathered bow. But the terrifying memory of Seokmin taking the assassination attempt in your place causes a rare, but true, fear twisting in your gut. The flash of life before your eyes changed the trajectory of your tactics and your relationship with the god. And as always he reassures you with what he knows to be the truth — for the most part.

"Nothing can hurt me as long as you're alright." 

"Then make me your goddess in return so that I will be invincible enough to protect you from harm's wrath too." 

"But that… you know I can't," he whimpers, "no matter how much I long to." 

A tear trickles down his cheek, crystallizing when it falls. Like many before and well after, all bodily fluids of the god will be found transformed as various tiny diamonds and gems. Tangled within the bedsheets the following morning as they always are and stored away in the queen's treasury.

Seokmin cries, not just at his frustrations, but at how you gingerly hold his hot and hardened length. Heavy in your palm that rubs and strokes it lovingly before sinking down with practiced ease, having already stretched yourself out earlier while waiting. Undulating your hips in slow, controlled circles that make him dizzy with desire. Your words pierce his chest, paining him like no sword that sliced him open could ever compare.

"If fate will not let it happen, then bury me in the ground so I can thrive beneath your warm rays that whisper sweet nothings. Let me smile up at you after winter passes while I bloom brilliantly through spring and long into the heated days of summer. Weave my soul among the stars so I may greet you in the morning and kiss you goodnight every evening. Scatter my ashes into the windy gusts of the north and down the silver rivers flowing south so I may laugh and dance in the skies alongside your sunbeams."

He sobs at the poignant emotional tug of your words, every poetry waxed by your breathy voice punctuated by a tantalizing undulation of your hips. You reassuringly clench around him, foreheads and bodies pressed together, hands clasped tightly in each other's grasp.

The god's chest heaves and the mountains on the eastern border shift to the left. Sometimes the air cools when this occurs but tonight, it shimmers and glistens as if straining against his commands. A hot wave that threatens to distort the very seam of reality itself. 

"I will always be yours," you kiss the corner of his trembling lips, "and you mine, my darling god."

"My sweet goddess, my everything… my love."

Seokmin's hips buck up anxiously and you let him lead the pace. Wild thrusts take over as he chases that high, wanting and needing to take you over that peak with him. Your body lays prone against him, along for the jostling ride as the god seeks his own pleasure through and with you. Praises and worship fall from his lips, never failing to be in awe of how your cunt molds and works his cock like a blacksmith shapes an iron rod yet he can bully it as he wants to fit him. Only him. 

You were made for the god of the sun.

Golden ichor thrums through his veins, lighting his skin in flashes like the sparks of embers. He's beautiful. Otherworldly. Your lips capture each glowing pulse of godliness that erupts beneath his flesh with a tender peck. He's all yours.

And he was made for you.

When Seokmin plunges into your welcoming warmth that is his alone to claim before he finally succumbs, it's blinding. On the other side of the earth, the sun shines a little brighter. A harsh glint that already emits a sweltering heat from its fiery nature flares even hotter in the blue sky. A blessed priestess looks up in contemplation, waving away the worried maidens who tend to her every need.

You feel his large hands — one presses in a bruising hold between your shoulders, the other on your lower back. Keeping you flush against him, holding your body to his while you welcome inside the scorching spurts of his seed within your womb that feel like lava. Your walls flutter around him and he basks in the feeling of them pulsating as you jerk your hips 

"Come," he begs out. It's loud and resounding. More of an instinctual command if anything and your body almost obeys unwittingly, unaware of his intent before he lifts you up with inhuman strength and clarifies, "Up here," and sits you on your rightful throne — his face, "where you deserve, the queen of queens. My queen. My love. My goddess."

He laps at you like a dehydrated dog. Both cleaning you up and creating an even bigger mess. Your thighs squeeze tightly around the sides of Seokmin's head, one hand tugging harshly at his hair and the other mercilessly wrinkling the silk bed sheets. His moans are sweet songs of praise but muffled as he sucks his release out of your cunt only to push it back inside with his tongue. The addition of globs of spit accompanying the still-hot, smeared mess causes your own sounds to grow much louder, writhing on top of him from the sloppy sensations.

Back and forth he repeats this a couple of times, the firm point of his nose stimulating your sore clit in his efforts. And finally, you come undone — spasming on top of Seokmin's chin and suffocating him just like he likes. Breathing and drowning in your essence, the very elixir of life.

"I shall make you mine," he whispers later, dutifully laying your deliciously aching but clean body onto freshened sheets. Your lover is ever so attentive, rarely nearly needing the same amount of aftercare he showers upon you.

For he is a god from the heavens to bestow blessings upon his desired mortal.

"I am already yours."

"But for all of eternity, it shall be so."

Satiated and content, you reach for him. He lovingly takes your hand and presses a kiss to the tip of each of your fingers. "How?"

"The Mother. She's the closest thing we have to the Creator and might be older than the universe itself. There's nothing she doesn't know so I'm sure she'll have the answers I seek."

"Must you leave so soon?"

Seokmin smiles as he pulls the sheets over your shoulders. "The sun never fails to rise, my dear. I will be back before you know it bringing with me tidings of great news."

"I'll be waiting."

Your shared kiss is soft and gentle. Sweet and full of sentiment. Indeed, you always wait for him and the sun god leaves with a full heart of hope. Little does he know, and little do you suspect, the true one lying in wait was the shadowed figure holding a poisoned dagger beneath their cloak.

And so, with the death of a queen so loved by the god of the sun… the prophecy begins.

onlyseokmins: September 2024 ©

[sulkingheichou012]

Into the Dungeon with You

Pairing: Jinwoo x Reader

Genre: RomCom, Action, Future Smut

Warning: Description of violence and profanity.

Summary: Jinwoo frowned as a new system notification appeared before him.

[Special Reward Successfully Claimed.]

Author's note: I'm happy that some of you are enjoying my silly work! Yes, if you're asking to be tagged—sure! 😊

Chapter 14

The Gate of Origin loomed like an ancient wound in reality, a scar left from a time before names and monarchs. Jinwoo stood before it, his shadow legion silent behind him. Bellion shifted uneasily, his golden eyes wary.

“Bellion,” Jinwoo said quietly. “This was where Ashborn once came to seek answers.”

Bellion stood tall, his massive blade resting on his shoulder.

“My King… are you sure?” Bellion’s voice was low.

Jinwoo’s gaze didn’t waver. “She’s waiting.” Then he pushed forward, the black mist swirling as the gate opened with a sound like cracking bone.

He stepped into silence. A place where stars flickered like dying embers and gravity held no dominion. And there, seated atop a massive throne of fractured light and darkness intertwined, was Raizel—the Monarch of Origin.

His silver hair floated weightlessly, and his eyes, golden and deep as the void, tracked Jinwoo’s approach with slow, deliberate calculation.

“You have grown, Ashborn’s heir,” Raizel murmured. His voice was smooth, but something ancient and dangerous coiled beneath it. “Yet, you come here… crawling.”

Jinwoo’s jaw tensed. “I didn’t come to kneel.”

Raizel’s thin lips curved, but it wasn’t a smile. “No. You never did, did you?” He rose from his throne with languid grace, as if gravity was beneath him. “You never surrendered her to me. Not when I first asked. Not when I warned you.” His gaze gleamed. “And now you beg for what I could have prevented.”

Jinwoo’s fingers curled into fists, shadows writhing around his arms. “You mean what you wanted to claim.” He took a step forward, dark tendrils rising behind him. “She’s not a possession.”

Raizel’s laughter was cold. “Everything is a possession. Even you. Ashborn knew that in the end.” He studied Jinwoo like a disappointed teacher. “She was always more than you understood. The Balance Keeper… the one who holds the line between life and death, creation and destruction.”

Jinwoo’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t care what you call her.” He met Raizel’s gaze without flinching. “She’s Y/N.”

Raizel’s smile finally cracked wider, sharp and mocking. “And you love her.” He walked in a slow circle around Jinwoo, as if measuring him for something. “You think that matters? That love will anchor her back to you? Foolish boy.” His voice dropped, smooth and cruel. “Love is why she chose to disappear.”

Jinwoo’s breath hitched, but he refused to look away. “She chose to save us.”

Raizel nodded slowly. “And you let her.”

The words cut deeper than Jinwoo expected.

Raizel came to stand in front of Jinwoo again, his presence suffocating, heavy with ageless power. “She belongs in my realm. With me.” His golden gaze softened with something almost resembling regret—or longing. “I offered her eternity, once. She refused. Because of you.” His tone sharpened. “And now, she’s trapped in oblivion. Untethered. You, Shadow Monarch, have no right to demand her return.”

Jinwoo’s shadow flared. “I’m not demanding,” he said quietly. “I’m taking her back.”

For a long moment, Raizel said nothing. Then, with a lazy flick of his fingers, the space around them twisted—revealing visions: Y/N closing the portals, standing on her shadow dragon, smiling faintly as her body turned into radiant dust.

“She was… radiant,” Raizel murmured. “Even at the end.”

Jinwoo’s throat worked. He forced himself to speak. “Show me the way to The Well of Beginnings”

Raizel’s golden eyes gleamed brighter. He extended his hand, fingers tipped in faint light. “The place where no Shadow Monarch dares. To The Well of Beginnings?”

His tone darkened.

"Well then…. But there is a price... When you find her… you’ll have to choose: restore her… or restore the world.”

Jinwoo clenched his jaw. “I’ll save her.”

Raizel smiled faintly, like a man watching a beautiful tragedy unfold. “If you fail… I’ll claim what’s left of her. And next time… I won’t ask.”

Jinwoo’s shadows coiled tighter, his teeth grit. “You’ll never touch her.”

Raizel’s crimson gaze glowed. “We’ll see.”

Raizel had shown him the way. Silent as ever, his gaze heavy with knowledge Jinwoo barely understood. The key shimmered faintly in his hand, ancient power humming beneath his fingers.

Jinwoo stood at the threshold of a forgotten ruin, half-buried beneath time and dust. This was the place—the door to the Abyss of the Well of Beginnings. A place no Monarch or Ruler had ever dared enter. A place only he could open.

“This is it,” he murmured. His voice was low, but steady. No more hesitation. No more waiting.

“I’ll bring her home.”

[System Alert]

Entering Quest: “The Well of Beginnings”

Difficulty: [Unknown]

Success Rate: [???]

Proceed? [YES] | [NO]

Jinwoo didn’t hesitate. [YES]

The portal swallowed them in silence.

Raizel did not follow them into the Well. He remained behind, his golden eyes gleaming as he watched the scar in reality slowly mend itself.

“She was never yours, Ashborn’s heir,” he murmured. His fingers traced the faint scar over his heart—an old wound, from a time when he first laid eyes on the Balance Keeper. “Y/N belongs to the one who endures.” A faint smile curved his lips. “And I will endure long after you’ve fallen.”

He turned away, his mind already savoring the thought of her return. But not to Jinwoo.

The Abyss yawned open before him—an endless darkness at the bottom of the Well of Beginnings. Jinwoo stood at the edge, the obsidian key that had given him pulsing with a steady, ancient heartbeat in his palm. Every instinct screamed at him to be cautious. But he had already made his choice.

He stepped forward.

The moment his foot crossed the threshold, gravity itself seemed to vanish. Jinwoo was falling, yet not falling—drifting through an expanse of infinite night. Then came the pulse. A deep, resonating beat that echoed through his very soul.

[You have entered: The Abyss of the Well of Beginnings.]

[Commencing Memory Restoration.]

A flood of memories surged, but they weren’t his alone. He saw her. Y/N. But not as she was now. No… this was different.

The first life. Raizel stood alone at the peak of his kingdom. The last of the Noblesse. Yet, there was someone beside him in those quiet moments. A woman whose silver hair glowed under the moonlight, her eyes filled with endless loyalty and sorrow. She called him My King, but her smile… it was soft, familiar. Like the one Y/N gave him now when she thought he wasn’t looking.

[Synchronization Rate: 33%…]

The second life. Ashborn. The Monarch of Shadow. The last of the rulers to hold the line against oblivion.

He stood atop a battlefield drenched in the blood of Monarchs and Rulers alike. His wings, darker than night, spread wide as the world crumbled around him. Yet even in his absolute power, he couldn’t save her.

Her body was breaking apart—turning to dust—her essence sacrificed to destroy an enemy they could not defeat otherwise.

“Why…?” Ashborn’s voice was not a growl, nor a roar—it was the low, broken whisper of a god losing the last piece of his humanity. He dropped to his knees as her ashes slipped between his fingers. His clawed hands, stained with ancient blood, trembling.

“I told you… I would stay by your side,” she whispered, her soul flickering like a dying flame in his grasp. “And you did,” he murmured. And then she was gone.

Ashborn raised his head, his hollow gaze turning toward the skies that wept fire. His fury and grief became a storm that tore through creation. That was the day the Shadow Monarch renounced the war. That was the day he became death itself.

[Synchronization Rate: 67%…]

The third life. Jinwoo. Himself.

He felt it as if it were happening now. His heart pounding, his lungs crushed under the weight of invisible hands.

Her form dissolved against his chest, leaving faint warmth and motes of light behind.

“No. No, no, no… Please... not like this…” Jinwoo’s hands scrambled to hold her together, but his fingers passed through smoke and fading light.

And she was gone.

And for the first time, Jinwoo understood why Ashborn had fallen to his knees. Because he did too.

[Synchronization Complete.]

His hands clenched at his sides as the memories settled into him like old armor finally reforged.

[New Title Acquired: The Trinity of Existence.]

[Hidden Trait Unlocked: Soulbound Fate.]

[Description: Your soul and hers have been entwined through three lives. This bond transcends life and death. Fate itself has tied your existences together.]

[Hidden Passive Skill Unlocked: Absolute Dominion.]

[Description: You have ascended beyond the concept of Monarch and King. Absolute Dominion grants you the power to exert complete control over your domain, shadows, and the battlefield itself.]

Jinwoo opened his eyes. They glowed faintly violet, layered over the abyssal black of his shadows. And yet, the first thing he looked for wasn’t power.

The pain was unbearable.

Jinwoo’s breath came in shallow bursts as he dropped to his knees, one hand bracing himself against the cold obsidian ground of the Abyss. His other hand clutched at his temple, trying to hold his mind together as memories—no, lifetimes—flooded in all at once. Raizel. Ashborn. Himself.

Their grief. Their rage. Their love.

And then, amidst the chaos, a hand. Soft. Warm. Familiar.

Slender fingers combed gently through his hair, gliding down to cradle his cheek. He flinched at first, but the touch was grounding. Calming. It pulled him out of the storm in his mind and into something quieter. Safer.

“Rest, Jinwoo,” came the gentle whisper, so close it ghosted over his ear. “You’ve carried enough… let me hold you now.”

His throat tightened as he turned his head. It was her. Y/N.

Her dark hair spilled over her shoulders like liquid starlight, her violet eyes soft, full of understanding and something deeper. She knelt before him, straddling his lap now, as if she’d always belonged there, her body so close. Her fingers trailed from his cheek down to his throat, then lower, her hand resting lightly on his chest—right over his heart.

He didn’t pull away. Couldn’t.

His hand reached for her almost desperately, fingers brushing along the curve of her waist, up her side, feeling the familiar dip where her ribs were. His palm slid over the small of her back as he drew her closer. He needed to feel her—confirm that she was there, real, warm. And she was. Warm. Soft. Alive beneath his touch.

“Y/N…” His voice was hoarse, nearly breaking.

She leaned in, her lips brushing against the edge of his jaw, her breath feather-light on his skin. “Stay with me,” she whispered. “Just for a while. You’ve done enough.”

His hands roamed without thinking—up her back, over her shoulder, down the slope of her thigh. She felt right under his hands, like she belonged there. He let his forehead rest against hers, closing his eyes as his hands gripped her hips, needing to anchor himself to something that wasn’t pain, wasn’t war.

God, he missed her.

For a heartbeat, he was tempted. To stay. To let go.

But something was wrong.

His brow furrowed as his thumb idly traced the curve of her hip, then slid to her hand where it rested on his chest. He took it gently in his, feeling the smoothness of her fingers. Too smooth. No calluses from gripping her scythe. No faint scars from battle.

His heartbeat slowed. His eyes opened.

This wasn’t Y/N.

Jinwoo’s grip shifted, tightening on her wrist. He pulled her hand up between them, staring at it. Perfect. Flawless. Wrong.

“The real Y/N would never ask me to stop,” he murmured. His voice was quiet, but it cut through the illusion like a blade. “She’d tell me to get up. To keep fighting. To stand with her.” He looked up, meeting her gaze—but now it was different. The softness faded, replaced by something hollow, predatory.

“You almost had me,” Jinwoo said, his tone cold now, even as his heart ached.

The illusion’s lips curled back in a mocking smile. “You wanted to stay.” “I wanted her,” he corrected. “You’re not her.”

His shadow erupted, tendrils lashing out to wrap around the false Y/N, lifting her into the air as her form distorted, flickering with static before revealing something monstrous beneath.

“You’ll never be her,” Jinwoo finished.

With a pulse of Absolute Dominion, the shadow constricted. The illusion shattered into ash and smoke, swept away by the currents of his domain.

Jinwoo stood slowly, his breathing steady now. He flexed his hand, still remembering the phantom warmth of her body against his. But now that warmth became something else—a promise. A reason to keep moving forward.

“No more games,” he muttered, his gaze burning as he stepped deeper into the abyss.

<< Chapter 13 | Chapter 15 >>

Tag requests: @kisssleeping; @catsf0rlife707; @aorifukuzawa; @joannthebish; @ojog404; @tanspostsblog; @snowy-violet; @o-qi-shisme; @sleepyamaya; @harrystylesfan2686; @night-shadowblood-writes2; @weaponxgames; @bubera974; @moonlightsof;

[vampiriito]

Here comes the sun. (JJ Maybank x reader)

"JJ knew it wasn't right. He knew it from the start. But nothing felt wrong about being with you when you looked at him with those eyes—eyes that seemed to pull him into a world where everything else faded away. Even for a moment. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He wasn't supposed to let himself get caught up in fleeting moments, quiet confessions and a love that was bound to eat away at everything he had. Even if he didn't have much."

He gritted his teeth, trying to stop him self from yelling. He knew arguing didn't get either of you anywhere, but right now he was fed up, he was annoyed, he wanted answers, something anything."I'm tired of you always giving me these vague ass answers. I'm tired of you just expecting me to accept whatever you give me because you know I'll take it anyway."

–„IN WHICH you and JJ blur the line between friendship and something more on a whim, and with the intent to keep things casual. But somewhere along the way things get messy in a way that JJ isn't so sure he is fond of anymore. Especially when he finds himself as the other man.

warnings; cheating, unprotected sex and uh a lil bit of overstimulation if you squint (p in v), overall a toxic ass relationship (inspired entirely by the whole trilogy album by the weeknd)

If JJ was the king of anything, he was the undisputed monarch of plunging headlong into messy, adrenaline-fueled escapades. Ask anyone even remotely acquainted with the sun-bleached blonde, and they'd tell you exactly that. JJ Maybank lived and breathed for the thrill—the intoxicating rush of adrenaline and the exhilaration of defying every rule laid before him. Boundaries were mere suggestions in his world, lines drawn in the sand only to be crossed without a second thought.

His fingers were a little too quick, a little too light—sticky fingers, they called it. He had a knack for making things disappear, a sleight of hand that was both impressive and infamous. Sneaking off to get high in the dim corners of the school's bathroom became a regular thrill, the weed smoke a temporary escape from the constraints of small-town expectations.

Cliff-jumping from perilous heights, feeling the icy embrace of the water swallow him whole. Surfing during raging hurricanes, the colossal waves towering above like ancient, uncontrollable beasts. Sneaking onto the opulent properties on Figure Eight under the cloak of darkness, stripping down to skinny dip in pools that shimmered like liquid silver under the moonlight. Each act was a defiant laugh in the face of authority, a challenge he was all too eager to accept.

These were more than just reckless antics; they were declarations of freedom. And inevitably, each daring decision earned JJ more than just disapproving glances. The scornful looks from townsfolk, the exasperated sighs of teachers, even the familiar discomfort of the police station's hard benches—all became routine parts of his life. Yet, he reveled in it. The consequences were just another thrill, another story to tell.

Risk was the air he breathed, chaos the rhythm to which his heart beat. His mission was simple: to have a good time—all the time. Consequences be damned. After all, wasn't that what being seventeen was all about? Pushing limits, tasting the forbidden, and dancing on the edge of oblivion before the weight of the world could press down on his shoulders. For JJ, the world wasn't just a playground—it was an endless expanse of possibilities, each more exciting and perilous than the last. And he was determined to seize every moment, no matter the cost. And of course, he wasn't too keen on practicing self-preservation.

Hence, you.

Saying JJ was drunk would be an understatement. It was nearing the end of a kegger thrown down at the Boneyard—a stretch of beach where the locals and tourists alike loved to party under the stars. The bonfire had dwindled to glowing embers, and JJ was definitely more than a few drinks deep, his thoughts muddled and his inhibitions long gone. Stumbling slightly, he pulled out his phone, too intoxicated to suppress the impulse as he dialed your number—a number he hadn't dared to call in weeks. Uncertainty gnawed at him; JJ wasn't quite sure what the two of you were anymore.

Before everything went downhill and your relationship morphed into one of toxic fuck buddies, you had been best friends—childhood companions who knew each other's secrets and dreams. But luck was never on JJ's side, not now nor at any point in his life. And you weren't making it any easier for him, especially since you had a boyfriend—a guy you didn't mind being seen with in public, unlike JJ. Yet behind closed doors, you were still drawn to each other, hooking up secretly whenever you got drunk or had a spat with your so-called boyfriend.

JJ leaned against a weathered piece of driftwood, the salty breeze ruffling his hair as he listened to the ringing on the other end. His heart pounded in syncopated beats, each one echoing the turmoil inside him. The moon cast a silvery glow over the restless ocean, mirroring the confusion in his eyes. The memories of your shared laughter, stolen glances, and whispered confessions flooded his mind. He knew it was reckless, reaching out to you like this, but the alcohol had blurred the lines between right and wrong.

He couldn't help but wonder if you ever thought about him the way he thought about you. To the world, you presented a picture-perfect relationship with your boyfriend, smiling and holding hands where everyone could see. Meanwhile, JJ was the shadow you retreated to when things got tough—a secret solace in moments of weakness. It stung more than he cared to admit, but he couldn't let go. Not yet.

As the phone continued to ring, JJ closed his eyes, a mix of hope and resignation washing over him. Part of him craved your voice, needing to bridge the distance that had grown between you. Another part feared what this call might lead to—a continuation of a cycle that left him feeling emptier each time.

The sounds of the diminishing party faded into the background—the distant laughter, the crackling fire—all overshadowed by the anticipation hanging in the air. JJ took a deep breath, the taste of salt and alcohol lingering on his lips, and waited to see if you'd pick up.

After the voicemail ended, he just sat on the tailgate of his truck, staring down at his phone. He didn't know what to do when he was sober, so getting drunk sure wasn't helping. He couldn't stop thinking about you - what you were doing, if you'd even listen to that stupid voicemail, and if you ever even thought about him anymore.

He groans, tossing his phone onto the dirty tailgate and burying his face in his hands. "God damn it," he mutters to himself.

The insistent ring of your phone shattered the remnants of your sleep. Groaning, you sat up on your elbows, your eyes half-lidded with the fog of early morning as you brought the phone to your face. The harsh brightness of the screen was a rude awakening—three missed calls from JJ glared back at you.

This is great, you thought, a wry smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He was probably drunk again. You recalled all too well how your impulsive midnight calls usually ended: getting fucked into the mattress by him, only for you to vanish before the morning light could truly make you real again. It was like a routine that both of you didn't speak about, through the day. As if the sun's warmth could temper the wildness of the night and kept you both sane enough to blissfully ignore the shit show that you both got yourselves into.

Now, with the missed calls and his lingering voicemail echoing in your thoughts, you hesitated before reaching for the phone once more. Yet, drawn by a mix of longing and inevitability, you found yourself dialing him back, even if your fingers trembled with uncertainty.

He’s honestly surprised you called back - he’s not really sure what he expected to happen, but it definitely wasn’t an answered call. He grabs the phone as soon as it starts ringing, answering without even a ‘hello’. He takes a second to get over his initial surprise before he responds.

“I didn’t really think you’d call me back” He says, his speech still a little slurred from being drunk.

"Why are you calling me?" you replied, your tone harsher than you intended. The sound of his voice, and the fact that he sounded like he was plastered made your heart clench a little; but you pushed the feeling down.

He sighs, a small part of him hoping for a more emotional response from you - of course you’d never give him that though. It only ever made it hurt all the more.

“I just-“

He’s not even sure why he called you. It’s a habit at this point to call you during the wee hours of the night, when he’s not thinking straight and he can blame the alcohol for any of the stupid things he says. He doesn’t even really know what to say now, feeling too vulnerable to act like the carefree idiot he normally is.

“I just… missed you, I guess”

And now JJ feels like an idiot. His head is starting to hurt a little, not only from the alcohol but also from trying to express his feelings for once - not that you cared. You never really cared all that much for him anyway.

"That's nice... but you're drunk." you stated, sighing. You didn't mean to come off so rude, but you were half asleep; and with the way your relationship with him was going you were never... emotional with each other. You used to be, but shit happens when you grow up into dumb 17 year olds.

It was bittersweet to think about, that 6 months ago roughly, you were still best friends and that only, no fucking or arguing involved. Every time you'd be with JJ the thought of your boyfriend would haunt you, and you'd end up leaving before sunrise, ending in the same cycle. Having him drunk call you at 3 am or the other way around.

JJ rolled his eyes, though you couldn’t obviously see it. Your words stung a little more than he’d like to admit, though that was normal at this point. There was always just a part of him that hoped you’d sound excited or at least happy to hear from him - and now that you didn’t sound like it, it was almost a cold reminder of what your relationship really was. A dirty, tangled mess.

“So it’s okay when you’re drunk and can’t keep your hands off me, but it’s wrong when I’m the drunk one?” He muttered bitterly,

"Did you call me to make snarky comments?" you bit back, the reminder of your own actions feeling like a bucket of cold water, his words almost waking you up fully.

He chuckled humorlessly, almost scoffing at your words. He knew you weren’t gonna take any of this seriously - hell, he wasn’t even really expecting anything out of this call in the first place.

“No,” He paused, and for a moment he thought about telling you how he really felt and just spilling everything, but it’s not like you’d ever believe him anyway. “I just wanted to talk to you… I’m tired of you just- disappearing all the time when you’re done with me for the night.”

"I'm sorry?" you asked in mock disbelief, although you heard him clearly. You felt guilty if he put it that way, especially since you also had a boyfriend. "And what could we possibly talk about?"

He took a deep breath before sighing again, running a hand through his hair in frustration, tugging at the strands. He knew damn well you weren’t going to talk about anything serious, but he was a little too drunk at this point to think rationally.

“I dunno, our lives? The fact that you’re basically cheating on your boyfriend every time you come over and you won’t even look me in the eye the next day?”

"I don't hear you complaining when i come over. In fact you seem pretty enthusiastic to me." you spat back bitterly. That was one hell of a reality check.

He felt a pang of annoyance go through him. You always seemed to twist things around and avoid the fact that you were doing something wrong.

“Of course I’m enthusiastic-“ He said, scoffing again. “And who’s fault is that? I’m not the one with a boyfriend.”

"As if you'd do it any differently if you had a girlfriend." you scoffed, shaking your head. You knew what you were doing was morally wrong. Hell, sometimes you wanted to walk around with a sticker on your forehead that said 'cheating slut.' But he had no right to point it out when he was just as guilty as you were, given he knew about your boyfriend. "...-and you know i have a boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to stop you from sticking your dick inside me."

He felt another stab to the chest at your crude words, and he hated the fact that you had a point. “Damnit,”

He ran his hand through his hair again, trying to keep his cool. The last thing he wanted right now was some pointless argument, but of course, that’s what ended up happening anyway.

“That’s not the point, okay?” He said, almost sounding desperate to convince you to understand. Of course, you never did.

He sighed, frustrated and tired of going around in circles all the time. How many more times would you do this - how many more times was he going to let you come back just to forget everything the next day and go back to being with your boyfriend as if nothing happened in the first place?

“So are you just gonna ignore that what we’re doing is messed up, or what?” He asked, his tone harsher than before.

"I'm not ignoring anything okay? it's just-.. i can't just remove you from my life. Go ahead and do it; if you're feeling like doing the morally good thing.." you mumbled, your cold façade cracking just a little.

JJ’s heart clenched at your words. He knew you meant it, too - even if your feelings for him didn’t run too deep, there was just something in you that couldn’t just cut him off, either.

“Don’t give me that,” He said, although his voice softened a little at your tone. There was a part of him that just wanted to reach through the phone and pull you into his arms, but he held back - he knew that would only make things more complicated.

"Look, I'm just saying. You don't have to do this.. and yet here we both are.." you mumbled in something that sounded like resignation.

JJ couldn’t do much but sigh again at your words. You knew him too well, it almost frustrated him how you could see through him. The truth was, he didn’t have to do this, but for some reason he always did.

He chuckled darkly, running his hand through his hair yet again. There was a part of him that knew how toxic this relationship was, and yet he never wanted to stop either.

“Yeah, here we are..”

A silence fell between the 2 of you for a moment. It wasn’t an entirely comfortable silence, but it was a little less tense than the conversation before.

After a moment though, JJ decided to speak a question that he always wondered, but never had the courage to ask. “So… how’s your boyfriend?”

"He's.." you started, "-well, not on the island. I dunno.. he's on vacation with his parents right now.." you mumbled almost dismissively, rubbing your hand over your face to ease up the sick feeling and the slight irritation tugging at you.

JJ didn’t respond for a moment, letting the information sink in. Honestly, he was almost surprised your boyfriend was not around for once. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, it made him feel a little hopeful.

He took a deep breath, gathering up his courage before speaking. “You’re uh, alone then.. huh?”

"Yeah." you answered simply, falling silent almost as soon as the words left your mouth.

JJ felt relief at your confirmation, though he could tell that there was something off in your tone. You seemed almost tired and maybe even sad. He didn’t want to ask why though - it wasn’t like you’d be telling the truth anyway, and it didn’t matter why you were alone in the first place. All that really mattered to him was the fact that you were alone right now.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, his tone a little tentative, almost as if he was feeling you out. “You… want me to come over?”

"Do you wanna come over?" you asked, narrowing your eyes even though he couldn't see it given you were on the phone.

He chuckled slightly at your response. Even when all hell broke loose between the 2 of you, you always somehow found a way to be stubborn about things. It was almost endearing, if not maddening.

“Oh, you’re asking for my opinion now, huh?” He said, his tone lighthearted - for now at least.

“Well, the answer’s yes, I want to come over. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

You hummed knowingly, "I'll leave the window open in case you follow through with that." you spoke after a small moment of silence.

JJ smiled to himself, shaking his head slightly at your words. How did you always manage to keep things so casual between the 2 of you?

“You know I will.” He said softly, already getting up from where he was sitting. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

True to his word, JJ arrived at your place shortly after your call. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the quiet, wealthy neighborhood. He couldn't help but notice that the house was shrouded in darkness, each window unlit—a clear signal that everyone else in your household was fast asleep. A sly grin tugged at the corners of his lips. Good, that worked for him. The stillness of the night amplified the distant hum of cicadas and the gentle rustling of leaves stirred by a balmy breeze.

Navigating with practiced ease, he made his way around to the back of your house. The familiar path was etched into his memory, each step bringing back a rush of shared whispers and hidden laughter from a long time ago. A time that he tried not to think about. Your bedroom window stood slightly ajar, just as you'd promised—a silent invitation.

He hoisted himself up effortlessly, the muscles in his arms flexing as he gripped the windowsill. Careful not to make any noise that might disturb the tranquil hush, he slipped through the opening with the grace of someone who'd done this many times before. The scent of your room enveloped him—a gentle mix of lavender and the unmistakable essence that was uniquely yours. He closed the window behind him.

The dim moonlight cast long shadows, but JJ moved confidently. He had long since memorized the layout of your bedroom—the way your desk was cluttered with scattered, expensive makeup and perfume, the cozy chair draped with a soft blanket, the shelf overflowing with well-worn books. His gaze lingered on the small details, each one a reflection of you.

You heard him come through the window, slipping out of bed and walking so you were standing in front of him, watching him fix the curtains after closing the window. You scanned him as well as you could in the dim light. He looked like he always looked, handsome. Sometimes you couldn't believe your small booger infested best friend grew up into a 17 year old who looked like America's next heartthrob.

Despite that, he still looked a little wrecked, like he was plastered and he had a rough night, your tone a little softer than how it was on the phone, "you look like a mess.."

JJ chuckled lightly at your words, giving you a small smirk. He knew he looked like a wreck - his hair was messier than usual, shirt wrinkled, and eyes half-lidded with exhaustion from the alcohol.

He took a step towards you, standing right in front of you and looking down at you in the dark. He always forgot how much shorter you were than him. "So I look like a mess and you still called me over, huh?"

"I couldn't possibly know what you looked like..." you mumbled, raising your brows as you gazed up at him.

He chuckled again, a low, hoarse sound. He knew you were bullshitting, but he couldn't really care at the moment. All he wanted was you.

He lifted one of his hands, brushing his thumb over your chin. “Yeah, of course you didn't..” He said, his tone sarcastic.

“Did you call me over just to criticize the way I look? Damn, talk about rude.”

"No-.. sorry.. i just, felt like i needed to point it out." you spoke nodding along with your own words.

He could tell that you were lying again - you always apologized when you didn't mean it, but tonight he wasn't going to call you out on it. He was too drunk for that.

He chuckled again, pulling you closer to him, his other arm wrapping around your waist and keeping you against him. He leaned down a bit, speaking in a low voice by your ear.

"So then, why did you call me over?"

"Technically you suggested to come over.." you deflected given you had no answer to that. Sex? that was always the main factor either of you saw each other alone.

He snorted, a small smirk on his face at your answer. At least you were being honest about that part. He leaned down further, his lips brushing against your ear as he spoke in a soft, gravelly tone.

“Now we’re just gonna be petty about technicalities?”

He heard you hum in response, your arms coming up around his shoulders, fingers tracing over the back of his neck almost lazily and making him shiver slightly against your touch.

He felt the familiar pull of lust starting to stir up in him, and suddenly he couldn’t hold back. He suddenly wrapped his arm around your thighs, easily picking you up against him and carrying you over to the bed.

He sat down on the bed, setting you down in his lap, your knees on either side of him.

He let his hands wander down to your waist, gripping your hips as he pulled you close to him, his lips pressing against your neck, trailing kisses down your throat. God, he'd missed the way you felt in his hands..

Your hands found purchase on his shoulders almost without realizing. It felt like your body already knew what to do, having done it so many times already. Despite that you always managed to get turned on in a way that it didn't feel repetitive or routinely when sleeping with JJ.

He groaned against your throat, his hands already working at the waistband of the shorts you were wearing and trying to pull them off of you in the position the two of you were in.

He left a trail of kisses down your throat to your collarbone, his teeth gently sinking into your skin, trying to find that one sensitive spot that he knew always drove you crazy.

A moan escaped your lips as soon as his teeth found the specific spot under your jaw. It was like he knew what your body liked already and in some fucked up it was endearing. Even when you were technically cheating on your boyfriend. You ground your hips gently, your hands tangling in his already messy hair, messing it up even more.

He groaned softly against your skin when he felt your hips grinding down on him almost hesitantly, his arms wrapping around your waist a little tighter. Damn how he’d missed this, even when he was aware just how wrong it was to be doing what he was doing with you.

He suddenly pulled his head back, his lips finding yours as he kissed you deeply, desperately. He always had to remind himself that he couldn’t leave any marks on you

You cupped his jaw, your fingers splayed out on his cheeks returning the kiss messily, deepening it almost instantly, again, in a practiced way.

His hands quickly found the hem of your shirt, pushing it up and over your head and tossing it onto the floor. He wanted to feel your skin, your body, everything. It'd been too long since the last time he was allowed to do this.

He pulled back from the kiss, his hands pushing your hair back and he looked up at you, his eyes roaming over your body in the dim light of the room.

He let his eyes trail down to your neck and collarbone, a little mark on your collarbone from a previous time they were together still remaining. He suddenly leaned down again, pressing kisses to it before gently biting down on your skin again, his mouth trailing the same path as his eyes towards your breasts covered by your thin bralette. He pressed soft, almost reverent kisses on the skin, his hand kneading your other breast gently.

He looked up at you again when he was done, his breath a little ragged.

"You still taking the pill?"

"You didn't bring a condom?" you asked, furrowing your brows at his question in mild annoyance. Some people had dirty talk before they fucked, you two had this. Having to make sure nothing went wrong and asking the questions you had to ask in a casual manner.

He chuckled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes slightly. Honestly, he knew he should’ve expected the question, but it still amused him how quickly you both went from being all over each other to the serious questions.

He ran his hands up your thighs and gripped your hips, his thumb rubbing circles on your skin.

"Of course I didn't.."

His hands were still at your hips, his fingers pulling at the hem of your shorts as he looked up at you. His eyes seemed just slightly darker than usual.

"So I'll take that as a yes.." It was a statement, not a question - he already knew the answer. You'd never said no before after all.

"Of course it is a yes... you never bring condoms for some reason." you muttered shaking your head in disbelief, your hands reaching behind you to unclip your bralette.

He smirked when he saw you reach back, his eyes on your hands as they unclip the clasp and push the straps over your shoulders, discarding the item of clothing somewhere on the floor.

"I told you - I don’t like them." He said simply, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip as he looked you over again, growing more uninterested in the conversation at hand.

"Yeah but we can't afford to.. have any slip ups.." your voice was slightly hesitant as you gazed down at him; still straddling him, your expression a stark contrast from the fact that you were on his lap topless. You could tell he was still drunk, and you were kinda feeling the reality of the situation settle in for a split second. After a few weeks of not talking, or sleeping with each other for that matter, you guilt came back full force. But it was pushed down quickly, as it usually was. You felt like a horrible person but you just couldn't help it. Especially when it was JJ.

He raised a hand, gently cupping your cheek, running his thumb over your skin. His touch was a little bit gentler than usual, the alcohol in his system making him a bit more sentimental and open.

"Hey - it’s okay, we won't have any slip ups. I know you’re on birth control, I know you’re careful. We’ve don’t this enough times, everything is fine."

He was reassuring you as best as he could given his state and the fact that he was trying to ignore the guilt in the pit of his own stomach.

He let his hand fall from your face to your waist again as he continued to talk, his fingers tracing invisible patterns on the skin there.

"I’ve never once forgotten to pull out. It’s gonna be okay."

He could tell you were worried - you always got like this whenever you thought about the slim possibility that there could be consequences for what the two of you were doing.

You were gonna say something but held back, you were already half naked and he was already in your room; you couldn't possibly deny yourselves of this, especially when you could feel how hard he was. Stopping this one time wasn't gonna make either of you better people or fix the mess you were so deeply buried in. So, you cupped his face, leaning down to kiss him sloppily once again, the kiss hot and hurried in a way.

He groaned against your lips, his hands going to your hips and digging his fingers in to hold you in place. The taste of your lips against his and your skin against his skin sent his heart racing in a way he hadn't felt in a long time with you.

He felt your tongue against his lips and he opened his mouth, his tongue pressing against yours as he kissed you hungrily, his teeth sinking into your bottom lip gently.

He suddenly grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to his chest, your bodies now flush against his. He groaned again, and he had to stop himself from asking any stupid questions - they'd both just be lies anyway since they'd never get any answers out of you.

He pushed his tongue against your teeth, the kiss more sloppy now as he tasted the inside of your mouth, his hands roaming over your back, your sides, your hips - trying to touch you everywhere he could, cover as much skin as he could.

Your tongues tangled as you let the kiss deepen, your hands cupping his jaw holding it tightly, your head tilting to the side gently, He tasted like beer and vodka with a hint of weed, and your thoughts swirled in your head, questions and some snarky comments even. Why was he here with you when he could've hooked up with a random girl at the party he was at? why was he putting up with this shit, if you were arguing on the phone before he came over? But you guessed that just like you, this was his way of taking the frustration out his system. After all, physical was better than emotional even though you both fucked with each other's emotions more than you fucked probably.

He moved his hands from your back to your hips again, and suddenly started to pull them down against his own, forcing your hips to rock against his. He groaned softly against your lips as he felt the friction against his lap, his already half-hard cock getting even harder now. It wasn't enough though, it never was, and he always wanted more than he probably deserved when it came down to this.

He groaned again against your lips, the sound guttural as he continued to guide your hips against his - pushing your clothed core against his own still-clothed hard on.

He pulled away from your lips to start trailing kisses down your neck and your collarbone, his tongue and teeth leaving light marks against your skin that would disappear in the morning. It wasn’t like he could do much more even he wanted to, but he would always have to make sure there was no actual damage to your skin, for the sake of your boyfriend.

A soft moan escaped your lips as he pushed your hips down, all your worries vanishing for the split second of pleasure, grinding down while your hands held onto his shoulders, your breathing growing more ragged as he continued to nibble at your throat gently. You felt slightly dizzy, your head spinning a little at the overwhelming feelings which your brain tried to register all at once. The feeling of his hands holding your hips, roaming over your sides, waist and ribs, his lips moving across the sensitive skin of your throat, all of it was almost sickening in a good way.

He smirked against your neck slightly, feeling your whole body shiver under his hands. He pushed his lips down to the top of your breast, his tongue and teeth leaving a small mark on the side. It would probably just look like a regular ol' bruise and wouldn’t be an immediate cause for suspicion from anyone else, so he felt okay leaving it there.

He pulled you down from straddling him, lifting his hips off your bed so that he could flip the two of you over so that his body was on top of yours, leaning over you as he pulled his shirt off.

The skin on his chest and his abdomen were warm against your body, his broad shoulders hovering over you as he leaned down against you, his forearms rested on either side of your head. He hovered there for a second, his eyes trailing over your face and chest before he leaned down to press his lips against yours again.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, returning his kiss instantly like you always did, the warmth of his body welcome against your skin. You grazed your nails gently across his shoulder blades as you kissed him back eagerly, tongues tangling in a familiar dance.

He groaned into your mouth, his body shivering when he felt your nails on his back. He deepened the kiss in response, his hands roaming and touching your body wherever he could. He wanted to touch every bare piece of your skin underneath him - to savor every taste and sound that he could get out of you from what time you had.

He broke the kiss again, his lips going back down to the skin of your neck, his tongue leaving a wet trail over your collarbone. His teeth scraped against your throat and he had to stop himself from biting too hard, knowing that there were some limits he couldn’t pass. He had to be extra careful, as if he even could be, with things like this. He pushed that thought out of his head and continued on your skin, his lips finding their way down to your chest.

In some way you could tell that by the way he was kissing your neck he was hesitant. Afraid to push some boundary that you both set at the beginning of this whole thing. Again it was endearing in a way, if you didn't think about the fact that he respected the boundary in the first place for the sake of your relationship. In moments like these you wondered why you were even dating your boyfriend in the first place; when you and JJ obviously had something, even if it was hid underneath arguments and screaming matches peppered with snarky comments. But then it was the whole paradox of you basically cheating on your boyfriend with him, which wouldn't technically work in the long term with JJ. After all the way you win them is the way you lose them, despite knowing that you and him had something genuine you wouldn't be forced to go look for it somewhere else.

You took the time to shrug off the shorts you were wearing along with your underwear, saving him the trouble of him doing it him self, your hands going back to tugging at his hair, or run your nails along the skin of hi shoulder blades mindlessly.

He pushed himself up for a second, sitting up on his knees to get his own pants off, pushing them down over his hips and tossing them on the floor. He looked down at you, his eyes trailing up and down your body. It never failed to take his breath away, to see you like this when it was just the two of you and nothing else.

He suddenly shifted, pulling your hips roughly towards his lap again and positioning himself between your legs.

He leaned back over you, his chest against yours as he let his weight fall into you. He reached one hand down between your legs, his fingers searching for the heat between them as he looked down at you again. He saw you bite your lip, holding back a slight gasp from the touch, and that was all he needed to continue, the slight hitch in your breath sending his imagination spiraling, as if he hadn't done this more times that he could possibly keep count of.

You let your eyes flutter closed for a second as soon as his fingers made contact with you, your lips parting ever so slightly at the feather light touch and the contrast between his weight on top of you.

He continued using his fingers, moving them in rhythmic, careful motions that he knew all too well how to do. He shifted himself just slightly, making it easier to reach his other hand down to your hip, grabbing it and holding you still as he continued to use his fingers.

His fingers kept their pace, the feeling of your wetness against them making it difficult for him to do so. He wanted to lose himself in the feeling, to get you to the point where you’d make that pretty little sound that only he knew how to bring out of you.

Your brows scrunched up ever so slightly, your breathing sputtery as his fingers moved in rhythmic circular motions over your clit. You let your lips part a little, small moans escaping them as soon as they did. It was insane how he instantly knew how to move his fingers, as soon as he touched you the familiar feeling of pleasure building, the focused look in his eyes intensifying the lust filling your senses.

He smirked slightly when he heard the moans escaping your mouth, seeing the effect he had on you. It was still an ego boost for him every time he got a reaction out of you. He loved knowing that he could give you a moment of pleasure away from the rest of the world. He wanted those moments for himself, to get that one little bit of you when he could get it because he knew he wouldn’t be able to give it to you again when the sun came up.

His fingers kept their pace, keeping up with your breathing that started to get more ragged and harsh. He wanted to bring you to that point, the one where you’d get lost in the feelings he was giving you and his body pinning yours onto the bed. He wanted you to feel pleasure and only think of him, to give him everything he needed because he knew that in the morning, you’d be gone again and he’d be forced to be alone once more in the same cold bed he’d been in for a while.

Your eyes fluttered open to lock with his, your face still scrunched up in pleasure, your legs parting slightly without realizing when he slipped them inside you. His fingers although moving at a relatively fast pace, they felt almost tender even. And you were glad for that subconsciously, given it's been a while. You wouldn't admit it to JJ obviously, but when it came to doing these things with your boyfriend they felt rehearsed, like he'd do everything robotically. JJ was different, despite being rougher, you felt like it was allowed between you with how familiar you both were with each other due the long friendship backing this shit show that was unraveling more and more between you 2 the more you slept together. Like a train wreck that just kept on wrecking.

He looked back at you, his eyes locked with yours. It was stupid of him to allow himself more than this - just a moment of pure bliss between you two - but somehow he was always a fool when it came to you.

He suddenly moved his hand away from between your legs, bringing it up instead to rest next to your head, his free hand still holding your hip in place as he leaned his body down against yours

He brought his lips down to your neck again, his teeth scraping against the soft skin as he moved them further down to your collarbone, leaving more marks. He didn’t care if your boyfriend would notice them - he hated whenever he saw them on your skin - because if there was one thing JJ was it was selfish. He was selfish and he was selfish when it came to you above all others.

When he pulled his fingers away and slipped them out from inside you you were left feeling a bit empty, physically that was. Emotionally you felt empty for a long time now when it came to him. It was ridiculous. Your hands reached up to run through his hair, your fingers carding through the messy strands, allowing yourself to relish into the pleasant feeling of his warm body against yours, the way he kissed your neck more feverishly now.

He shivered against you when you ran your fingers through his hair, his breath hitching just slightly. He almost hated just how much he actually felt when you did that, to how easily you could distract him with just the simplest of touches.

He moved his attention to your chest once more, his lips and tongue marking the sensitive skin, his mouth leaving small, dark marks in their trail. He made sure to keep them mostly below your collarbone, where they’d be easy to cover up in the morning.

He kissed the skin on your chest again before pushing himself back onto his knees, still between your legs. He looked down at you, his eyes darkened and his breathing heavy. He loved seeing how wrecked you were when he got down like this with you, your skin covered in marks and small reminders of him for the days, and weeks, ahead. Reminders he knew you’d try to hide again from everyone else.

He grabbed your hips again, his grip firm as he held onto you and pulled you closer to him. He shifted, lining himself up with you as he looked down at you again, waiting for permission to continue. You found yourself nodding, granting him the permission he asked for almost mindlessly, your body taut with anticipation.

He swallowed a breath again, his eyes glancing down to what he was doing before he looked back at you, seeing your own eyes locked with his as he teased your clit with the tip of his cock. He could practically feel the anticipation from you, the same as him. He knew it was stupid, that this was the same cycle the two of you continued. You were together in the moment, and distant in the morning. But he was a fool and so were you, and that was something neither of you could help.

He pushed himself forward, sinking into you as he did. He let his eyes slip shut for a moment, a slight exhale leaving his lips as he did, the feeling of you enveloping him familiar but still overwhelming for him. It was always like the first time he got to do this with you, and it hurt him each time, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to give this up anytime soon. He wouldn’t be able to get the chance to get over you because you were always there in the middle of the night.

You drew in a breath, the physical emptiness melting as soon as he was inside you again. It was always overwhelming and mind-numbing despite being done multiple times already. Ironic. You arched up a little, despite still needing a few moments to adjust fully. The stinging wasn't unpleasant, at least not with JJ. It meant you could hold onto it and have it make your stomach constrict and your chest tighten.

He looked back down at you, seeing you arch your back against the bed, the feeling of you still wrapping around him making it hard for him to concentrate. He held onto your hips again, his fingers digging into the skin there to keep himself stable.

He had to hold himself back a little bit, from moving too quickly. He knew that even if you didn’t care, there was a risk of getting caught by your family, and he didn’t want to give them any real reason to hate him any more than they probably already did.

He let out another breath, his breathing getting quicker as he began to move in small thrusts, each one sending a ripple of pleasure through both of you. He held back a moan when he did, trying to keep quiet, and he knew that you were doing the same, the two of you having to stay quiet to avoid too much attention to the fact that he was here right now.

As he began to move you let out a small breath accompanied by a moan, which you knew you had to muffle in order not to accidentally wake up anyone, your palm moving to cover your mouth, prevent the sounds to spill out.

He let his eyes glance down, watching as your hand moved to your mouth as another small moan escaped you. It was hard for him not to pick up his pace at that sight, the fact that you felt the need to be quiet. He wanted you to be able to be loud (like obscenely loud), and to let his name fall from those pretty lips without a care in the world. But he knew that that wasn’t possible - not in this moment or ever - so he had to keep this all as a secret and a memory.

He continued doing the slow, almost rhythmic movements inside of you, the position allowing him to sink deep. His eyes stayed on your face, watching the way your eyes closed and the way your body reacted to all the feelings he was giving you. It was as if he were burning into memory every single expression you made in this moment, knowing that by the time the sun rose in the morning, this moment would be forgotten by you, but him alone. And he knew that he had to savor this, savor these moments, just to keep him going in the days and weeks to come.

"I wanna change.. behind.." you found yourself mumbling without realizing through the hesitant moans, your eyes fluttering open to lock with his.

He paused for a moment, still buried deep inside you, to take in your words. It took him a second to realize what you meant, but when he did, he couldn’t stop the small smile that appeared on his face.

He was all for trying out new things with you, but he didn’t expect you to come up with it yourself. He nodded quickly, pulling himself out of you and backing away a little to give you room to switch positions.

You shifted on your hands and knees, your forearms slipping under your pillow slightly, arching your back up a little, all the while steadying your breath.

He couldn’t help but let out a small, shaky breath upon seeing the position you were now in. Seeing you like that was always so arousing to him, especially when it was your choice to do so. It was like you were submitting to him, and it was hard to keep his own pace when you did.

He shifted closer behind you, one of his hands resting at your hip as he used the other to prop himself up, his eyes looking down at you. He swallowed a breath again, his mouth growing a little bit dry at the sight of you bent over in front of him, waiting for him to take you again. It was the best thing to him - this position. Because like this, he could pretend that you were his, and his alone, even though he knew that you would never be. And it was this moment, he felt in control of you, and it was one of the few moments where you allowed yourself to be JJ and [name] and no one else.

He took a shaky breath before sliding himself back into you, letting out another groan, louder than he meant to. Thankfully, you had buried your head in your pillow, to prevent that sweet moan you knew would let out once he was back inside you.

You arched a little more, tilting your head back allowing him to muffle your sounds more easily now that he stood up straight, his big hand almost covering the lower part of your face, the other hand holding your hip to guide him self in and out of you at a steady pace, hitting that sweet spot inside you.

He continued to thrust into you slowly, although he didn’t know how long he could keep this up, the feeling of you wrapped around him and your sounds beneath his hand beginning to get to him. He leaned closer to you, his chest against your back, and brought his mouth down to your shoulder to try and muffle his own sounds against your skin, his lips against the marks he left earlier, his own small reminders of the time he spent with you like this. The only reminders really.

He couldn’t help but feel just a little greedy, not wanting to slow down as he continued at a relentless pace now, even though he knew someone in this house could easily wake up and check on you. He wanted just a little more time, and a little more of you, even though he knew that it could mess everything up.

He pushed himself in a little rougher now, making sure not to press too hard against your shoulder to keep himself quiet. He knew he was being selfish and careless, but he just wanted these moments, to hold onto them so that he would have something to keep him from breaking in the morning. He wanted just a little more time in this bed, with you, so that he could pretend it was all okay. That he was just a dumb teenager sneaking into the room of his girlfriend and mess around, under the nose of her family. It was far from that.

He continued with the relentless pace which allowed him to kiss your cervix with every thrust, his hand on your hip gripping you tighter to keep you still against him, as his hips moved against yours, pulling more whimpers and moans out of you, even with his hand covering your mouth. It was harder to hear you now, but he was satisfied that he was able to muffle most of the sounds that came out of you. He also knew that he would be satisfied with these memories until the next time he could sneak in and this could happen again, over and over again, in a never-ending cycle.

You knees dug into the mattress for support, still resting on your forearms, back arched up perfectly so you could have him buried deep inside you, the action one akin to a cat arching its back. Your sounds muffled by his hand were growing more frequent now, although they sounded more like mewls instead of actual moans.

His own sounds got a little louder, but he was still able to keep it quiet. He let out a low moan, but it was quickly cut off by him biting into your shoulder again, trying to distract himself from the feeling by leaving more marks. He knew it was self-serving, and that you had to deal with the fallout of that in the morning, but he hoped that you wouldn't mind too much, especially since it meant he could keep a small reminder of you on him as well.

He continued to bite down onto your skin, leaving small marks there in different spots which varied from the back of your neck and your shoulder, marking and claiming you as his even if he didn't really have any right. But JJ was so used to being alone, and he just wanted something that was his, even for just this moment.

He continued to bite and suck into your skin, as his pace started to quicken, losing himself a little bit in trying to drown out the world and enjoy this moment as much as he could, in case it could be the last time it happened. He knew that he was being careless, that this could all end in an instant if someone barged in on them. But he wanted more, he wanted you all to himself, even though he knew you'd never allow it.

One of your hands reached up gently, as if trying to pry his hand from your mouth to speak. You wanted to change positions again, to maybe prolong it a little bit more, even if once it ended you didn't exactly know when you'd sleep together again.

He took a deep breath slowly removing his hand from your mouth to let you speak, curious about what you would say. He could still feel you shuddering against him, the pace of his movements not letting up, but slowing just a little bit, waiting for your next words.

"Let's switch again.." you almost whimpered out, turning your head to gaze at him over your shoulder.

He slowed down and pulled himself out, taking a moment to control his breathing before nodding. He wasn’t going to say no to you.

"How do you want it this time?"

"Missionary.." you mumbled, shifting once again, your limbs shaky and a bit uncoordinated as you moved to lay on your back.

He watched you as you moved, his eyes wandering over the marks he left on your body, some already starting to form into little bruises, like reminders of the fact that he was here, that he had been with you. His eyes glanced down at the way your body quivered and how your breath hitched as you laid down and waited for him, making his own breath hitch in response.

"Yeah, yeah… okay…" he mumbled, shifting to situate himself in front of you.

He slowly settled between your thighs, his hands on them already pushing them apart. He was a little impatient, but he tried to give himself some time to breathe and pull himself together, as he looked down at you, the sight in front of him still just as good as the first time he had you like this, just as breathtaking as it was the first time he had you underneath him.

He slowly lined himself up with your entrance, looking down at you as he did, silently asking for permission, waiting for any sign to tell him that this was what you really wanted, even though he already knew. He still wanted to be respectful, even if everything they did in these moments was the opposite of respectful, and it was hard for him to hold back the sounds that wanted to come out of his own throat when he saw you laying there, waiting for him, legs and lips parted and eyes half-lidded and hazy with pleasure.

You nodded eagerly, brows knitting up in desperation and plea, your tongue darting out to run over your lips.

He couldn’t help the sound of a sigh coming out of his mouth when he saw that, at your desperate nod and the way your tongue seemed to be begging without words. It made his stomach swoop and his chest tighten at the sight, the way you wanted him still surprising him every time. One might have thought that he would get used to it, but no, it just made his want for you grow.

He couldn’t hold back anymore, he pushed himself back into you once, letting out a low moan as he did, but quickly he covered his mouth at the sound that came out of him. He let out a shaky breath as he pulled his hand away, his eyes looking down at you as he pushed again, his pace starting out slow, but getting more and more rougher again.

You spread your legs a little, wrapping them around his waist loosely to fully bury him inside you, along with your arms around his neck, every time he slipped inside you felt like heaven. Your lower stomach was already beginning to grow taut again, the pleasure coiling and ready to snap. You tilted your head back into the pillow your mouth falling open slightly.

He couldn’t stop himself from watching you as he continued, the view of you laid back among the pillows, your head tilted back and your hair splayed out against the white fabric, the way you seemed to almost glow in the dim light, even through the darkness. His hand came down to your hip, holding you in place as he got more rougher with his thrusts, his breath sputtery and ragged.

He looked down at you again, his eyes taking in all of your reactions, feeling your hands and legs on him, and how you felt around him. The sounds that came out of his mouth were low, as he tried to not let his voice get too loud in case anyone in your house could hear him and what he was doing to you. But it was hard, the sight of you making him want to let out every sound he was holding back, everything he had been holding back from you and this for so long since he first had you. JJ wasn't one to be quiet during these things, he liked to talk and he wasn't afraid to moan or whimper, he was no bitch about that kind of thing. But he had to, at least when it came to you. He had to be quiet and treat this as it was- a thing that was done on a whim and that had to be kept at a low volume.

"Feels so good.. like that.." you mumbled, your eyes fluttering open, trying to suppress the sounds of pleasure escaping your lips when you spoke, your words quiet. You still clung to him, your nails digging into the soft sun-kissed skin of his shoulder blades.

He was almost surprised that you were able to speak in sentences, knowing that this must have felt just as good for you as it did for him. The sounds you made, the way you held onto him and the way you looked all served to make it hard for him to hold back.

"Yeah?" he panted, his voice coming out a little strangled even as he mumbled. "Does it feel that good?"

"Mhm..." you whimpered weakly in response, your legs wrapping around his waist to bring him even deeper, letting out a choked moan at the feeling. "Faster.. go faster J.."

He felt his stomach swoop and tighten at your response—at the small nickname, and when he felt you wrap your legs around him to bring him in deeper, he thought he saw stars for a second. He looked down at you with a desperate expression, his eyes searching your face for confirmation. When you told him to go faster, he took one breath before nodding and picking up the pace, his hips moving against you at a faster pace now.

"Fuck.. yeah.. that's good.. so good" You spoke in a hushed murmur, barely above the sound of your racing heart. Your head tilted back further into the pillow as if seeking refuge in the softness beneath, while your body instinctively arched upward into his chest. Without conscious thought, your nails dug gently into his back, and your fingers traced tender, desperate patterns, as if each scratch could etch the memory of this solace onto your skin. Every quiet touch was a silent plea for more—a wordless confession of longing and vulnerability in the darkness of the room.

He couldn’t help but let out a strangled moan when he heard you say that, the sound almost escaping from his throat before he could try to muffle it against the skin of your shoulder. The way your nails were digging into his back was sending sparks through his body, and he was sure that in the morning he would have little half-moon marks and scratches there as a reminder of this moment.

He continued to pick up the pace as you pushed closer to him, his thrusts getting a little rougher and faster than before. He could feel your back arching up into his chest, the feeling of your nails scratching against his back almost enough to send him over the edge. He bit into your shoulder to muffle another sound, and his arm wrapped around you, holding you closer to him almost tenderly.

His arm wrapped around your middle clutched at you, lifting your lower back from the bed ever so slightly, thrusting deeper and deeper causing your mouth to fall open a little, jaw slack from the white hot pleasure.

He felt the way you gasped, and he could feel the way your body trembled beneath him as he continued to hold you closer to him, his arm around you helping him with the angle. He continued to muffle his sounds against your skin, as if still trying to keep this moment a secret from the world, the sounds coming out of his own mouth just as obscene as the ones coming from your lips.

He was starting to forget about everything else in the world as the orgasm built, the world outside the window of your bedroom, the people in the house with you, even all the things around him in your room, just focusing on you and the way you felt against him, the way your body was wrapped around him and the way you sounded, your little mewls and whimpers that he loved hearing and wanted to hear even more of. He didn’t care if he was being greedy in the moment, he just wanted it to last.

You could feel yourself becoming almost mindless from the pleasure, your mouth still slightly open and writhing in his hold. The angle almost made you suffocate from the intense pleasure, still scratching and digging your nails into his shoulder blades, to the point that if he wasn't just as numb from pleasure, he'd probably hiss in pain. His pace and thrusts were messy, sloppy and uncoordinated just like his moans. You were hoping you were doing a good job at holding back your moans.

He almost tried to speak some words, tried to tell you to stop digging your nails into his flesh, but he couldn’t find the words, and he honestly kind of liked the pain. It was a token of everything that was happening here, and he could tell that he would have some little marks in the morning, and he would be able to look at them and think of you every time he saw them.

He was trying to be quiet, and he was struggling to keep his control, and this whole situation felt so wrong, and yet it felt so good that he couldn’t stop to care about it. The only thing on his mind in the moment was you and the pleasure that he was feeling, and the sound of your voice was music to his ears, even if you were trying to be quiet.

"You.. can.. finish inside.." you found yourself almost panting out, your hips moving to almost pull him even deeper than he was. Desperately.

He almost wanted to say that he shouldn’t, even though he wanted to, he didn’t want to make a mess, he wanted to be polite, and he couldn’t risk anything. But when you panted that he could, he couldn’t get himself to stop. It was like someone gave him the command, and he wanted nothing else but to comply.

He could feel himself getting there just from your words, your movements and the sounds that were coming out of your mouth. It was almost like the rest of the world had faded away and you were the only thing he could see, the only thing he wanted to see. He was desperate for you, and he knew he was a hopeless case, even if he didn’t like to admit it to himself sometimes.

He could feel the pressure building, the heat coiling in the bottom of his stomach, the way his movements were getting more sloppy, more desperate. He couldn’t hold on for much longer, he was starting to get closer now, his breath coming in quick pants, as his own sounds were starting to slip from his throat, his pace quick and messy, his mind completely focused on you.

The pleasure building in your lower stomach was getting more taut, your hands tugging at his hair or digging your nails into his back. His hand reached up, pressing his thumb between your already parted lips and pressing down on your tongue; your sounds becoming a little more obnoxious as his thrusts got more sloppy and fast, "JJ... 'm close.." you managed to mumble around his digit breathlessly, half opening your eyes to gaze at him despite his face being buried into the spot where your shoulder and neck met.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, too focused on how to keep himself under control, how not to let something that might end up being too loud escape from him, to form any coherent thought. But when he heard you say that, he looked up at you, his eyes locking with yours. He could tell you were getting close, and just the thought of that made him feel even hotter and more eager. He panted against your skin, his breath hot and shaky as he tried to form words.

"Yeah.. come on, sweetheart…"

He tried to speak again, his voice barely above a whisper, his mouth next to your ear, as his hips stuttered a little, his pace still quick and desperate. It was getting harder and harder for him to keep his eyes open, to keep his voice down and not let it escape his lips. He wanted to hear you say more, he wanted to hear you say his name, he wanted to hear you say how much you wanted him, how good he made you feel. He wanted to hear anything and everything as long as it was in that tone.

You found yourself nodding at his shaky sentence, your face scrunched up in pleasure. Your brain was too focused on the myriad of sensations, his arm wrapped around your waist holding your lower back off the bed a little, his teeth sinking into the flesh of your shoulder every now and then when he tried to muffle his sounds, the pleasure from the fast pace, the thumb pressing down on your tongue or caressing your bottom lip. Everything JJ had to offer you, even for a limited time. "JJ.." you mumbled, wanting to say something more than his name but your brain was too fogged up to let out other words.

He held you close to him, even though he was so worked up he couldn’t think straight, holding you tightly against him as he continued to move, his head moving so his face was right next to yours, so he could speak to you in a low, almost gruff voice, his southern drawl slipping out even more now. His nose brushed against your cheek, his mouth now next to your ear.

"Come on, sweetheart.. come on, I want you to-" He almost couldn’t control the sound of his own voice, his pants getting heavier, and he cut himself off before he could say more.

He couldn’t think straight, the feeling of your skin against his, the way you were clenching around him, the sounds coming out of your mouth, everything was overwhelming, and he could feel his mind going blank from all the pleasure and pressure he was feeling. He didn’t care about holding back anymore, he didn’t care about anything else, all that he could think about was you, and your voice, and how badly he wanted to hear you say his name in that special way you always did when you were losing your mind.

You wanted to prolong it, but you had been close so many times already, reason why you asked him to change positions two times but you couldn't hold back anymore. You found your self mumbling his name as quietly as you could, feeling the pleasure wash over you and the knot in your lower stomach snap, leaving you almost breathless. Your body shook gently for a couple of times, your jaw slack, legs wrapped around his waist in a tight lock.

He almost couldn’t breathe when he heard you say his name like that, heard the sounds that were coming out of your mouth. It was like a song to his ears, the best sound he’s ever heard, and just the way you were clenching around him, he felt like he was starting to reach the edge. But the way you were shaking, he was so overwhelmed, hearing you say his name again and again, like a prayer.

"Yeah.. keep saying that, sweetheart, just like that..."

He felt like he could get addicted to that sound, that way you spoke, all breathless and quiet, like you were barely holding on, like you couldn’t get enough of him. Every time you said his name it was like you were giving him a little piece of you, a little piece that nobody else but him was allowed to have, and he wanted more of it, he wanted more of you, he wanted to feel you all around him. Like when he'd plunge in the ocean water and he could feel it surround him.

You didn't even notice you finished because it happened really fast and he wasn't there yet. You clutched to him still, your thighs spasming a little with every of his thrusts, your voice coming into small mewls and his name like he asked. You were tugging his hair, the other hand splayed across his shoulder blade, clenching around him as if urging him to finish.

He couldn’t stop panting, he was holding you so tight against him, he could feel you clutching on to him, and he knew you were gone, but he was still chasing his own feeling of release, panting into your ear, he could feel yourself clenching around him and your fingers in his hair and he never wanted to forget this moment, he never wanted to stop feeling this feeling, and hearing how his name left your mouth, knowing he did that to you, it was so good he never wanted it to end.

He couldn’t tell if you were saying all his name because he told you to or because you were just so worked up, but he couldn’t tell if it mattered anyway, he couldn’t get his mind to wrap around anything that didn’t have to do with you and the feeling of you clenching around him and how wet and warm you were.

"Yeah.. come on, ‘m close, ‘m so close.." He could feel the knot in his stomach coiling, the heat and pressure in his lower growing hotter and hotter with each thrust.

"Come on JJ... i want you to finish.." You urged in a breathless murmur, the air in your lungs momentarily stolen as his hips shifted and the tip of his cock kissed your cervix so sweetly. Every subtle movement sent ripples of delightful overstimulation through your body—a sensation so intense yet perfectly pleasurable.

He couldn’t respond for a moment, his breath coming in ragged pants, it was getting harder and harder to form any sentences, even thoughts. But he could hear you speaking to him, and it was like his body was completely under your control, his arms tightening around you even more as he kept his face by yours.

"Yeah, yeah, sweetheart I swear, I’m- I’m almost there, I'm…" He cut himself off when a quiet moan almost escaped from his lips, almost too late, his head dropping to the crook of your neck instead.

He was so close, he was almost losing his mind, he was practically holding you against him like a lifeline, needing to feel you as close as he could get you. His movements were getting sloppy and jerky, his breath coming in quick pants, he was hanging on to you as if he couldn’t function otherwise, and the thought of that only made it better for some reason.

"Yeah.. ‘m close.. 'm.. I..” He couldn’t form words anymore, he was so overwhelmed, so desperate to finish and his arm wrapped around your middle like a vice.

He wasn’t sure if he actually finished, he wasn’t sure what happened, the whole world went a little fuzzy for a moment. All he could feel was you against him, all he could hear were the sounds you were making, and then the aftermath. His breathing was heavy, labored and shaky, and his body was completely pressed up against yours, his face still pressed against your neck. He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to let go, he just wanted to stay like this forever if he could.

As soon as you heard the incoherent sounds from his lips followed by that one specific sound that would have you drenched and horny instantly, you knew he finished. You slumped your head on the pillow, lips parted as you panted, your thighs still spasming a little from overstimulation, your eyes closed as you tried to catch your breath. You were still wrapped around him inside and outside, your arms and legs hanging around him loosely now.

He couldn’t move, he just wanted to stay like this, keep you close to him. He was panting against your skin, trying to catch his breath, and he was completely spent. He could feel his breathing shudder as he tried to calm down, and he couldn’t stop himself from placing a small kiss against your neck, an almost instinct, as if needing to be close to you again, needing a small moment to ground himself again.

"God… damn it..” He mumbled against your skin, his voice hoarse.

He tried to lift his head up a little, looking at your face, your closed eyes and parted lips, he could see your expression, he could see how out of breath and overwhelmed you looked. It made his chest fill up with an almost primal satisfaction knowing he did that to you, that he was the reason you looked like that.

"You good..?” He asks after a moment, his voice still shaking a little, he just wanted to make sure you were alright.

"Yeah, 'm good.. just a little... out of it." you mumbled, taking a deep breath, your eyes fluttering open to gaze into his.

He nodded, taking a deep breath himself. "Yeah, same." He chuckled a little, running a hand over his face, and looking down at you.

"Damn.. we made a mess."

He let out a low chuckle as his eyes roamed over the sheets and between your bodies, the evidence of their activities staining the sheets and dripping down the inside of your thighs. He couldn’t help but smile a little, he liked making a mess of you, and his satisfied, almost cocky smirk was on display on his face as he looked back at you.

You glanced back down at your self and then back at him, raising your brows with a small smile, "yeah.. think i need to change the sheets tomorrow.."

JJ let out another small chuckle at that, resting his chin on your shoulder, still keeping his body close to yours, he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to let go of you quite yet.

"Yeah, maybe you should. Wouldn’t want anyone to know what a dirty girl you can be, hm?" He teased lightly, a smirk on his face as raised his eyebrows at you

"I just think if anyone heard anything they'll know.. which is—scary." you sighed softly, bringing a shaky hand to rub over your face.

He hummed in agreement, resting his chin against your shoulder as his own hands started to rub small circles against the your back. "That’d be bad. What would everyone think if they knew you were letting a pogue like me in your bed in the middle of the night all the time?" He teased lightly, a small cheeky smile on his face.

"I don't think I'm supposed to let anyone in my bed, pogue or not..." you half teased back, the other half dripping with seriousness.

He was silent for a moment as you said that, his hand paused from where it was rubbing against your back, and the smile on his face faded as he thought about your words. He’d be lying if he said he never felt guilty about the whole situation.

"Right. Guess you’re a bad girl after all then, huh?" He said teasingly, his hand resuming the soothing circles on your back.

His mind was wandering, thinking about the whole situation and how screwed up it was. He knew you weren’t really supposed to be doing this, that you were off limits, he knew that you had a boyfriend who you were meant to be with instead of him. But despite all that, he couldn’t help himself whenever he was around you, he never could.

So, here he was again, in your bed, tangled up with you like that was where he was supposed to be. Like he actually belonged here.

But he didn’t, it was a shitty situation, and it was shitty of him to keep taking advantage of you like this when he knew you were supposed to be with someone else. The thought of you being with someone else while he was the one in your bed, it made him feel sick.

He wrapped his arms around you a little tighter and pulled you closer against him, as if trying to ignore the guilty thoughts in his head.

"Yeah given I'm bad at everything.." you chuckled bitterly after a few moments of silence, the reality of the situation setting in. But just like other times you pushed it down. You'd have time to wallow in your own self pity when you were with your boyfriend anyway.

He frowned at that, he hated hearing you talk about yourself like that, he hated how broken and bitter you sounded when you spoke about yourself.

"Hey, you’re not bad at everything..” He started, shifting his body so he was looking down at you. "I mean you’re really good at-” He cut himself off, his eyes trailing down your body for a moment before he cleared his throat.

"At having adulterous sex?" you smirked at him, finishing his sentence as he gazed down at you.

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that, he did like when you were like this, witty and sarcastic. It reminded him of how you were when you were kids.

"Don’t say it like that, makes it sound less dirty” He grumbled, even as a part of him did like hearing you say those kinds of things.

He hummed as he thought of other things you were good at, moving to lay on his back next to you, pulling you over so you were laid out on top of him, as he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin against the top of your head.

"You’re good at being smart, you’re good at being funny, you’re good at.. I dunno, a lotta things. You’re not bad at everything” He shrugged, his hands running over the smoothness of your back

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm having adulterous sex with the guy i tell my boyfriend not to worry about.." you narrowed your eyes teasingly, the smirk still there. You rubbed your hand on your face again, brushing back the strands of hair sticking to your forehead and cheeks, the feeling irritating you a little bit now.

He was silent for a moment, his arms were still around you, still holding you against him, but his hands stopped moving over your skin.

"You tell him that?" He asked eventually, his tone a little more serious than before, but there was a hint of a smirk, like he knew the answer to that question already. He did. He knew your boyfriend didn’t know about the two of you. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

"Yeah... he seems to think we're prone to sleeping with each other since we're childhood best friends. What a ridiculous dumbass, right? as if that could happen.." you chuckled, shaking your head at your own sardonic words.

His chest panged a little at that, listening to you say that, like you were lying to yourself. He wanted to call you out on that, point out the fact that what your boyfriend thought was completely true, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, it would be just repeating the obvious.

"Yeah.. he is a bit of an idiot, isn’t he?” He quipped instead, playing along with your words.

He kept his arms wrapped around you, his hand still rubbing up and down your back unconsciously. He was quiet, silent as he thought. God, your boyfriend really was an idiot, he was so lucky you hadn’t told him and yet your boyfriend was still too stupid to even see what was right in front of him.

That thought made him tighten his arms around you, holding you a little closer against him. He didn’t want to let go of you, he wanted you staying on top of him like that, he wanted you in his arms and tangled up with him. He didn’t want to think about the fact that you weren’t his, that you were supposed to be with someone else, with a pogue hating, money chasing tool and not him.

He hated the situation you were both in, he wished things were different.

"You staying here or going home?" you asked after a few moments of silence, your hands carding through his hair to distract yourself.

He closed his eyes and hummed a little, melting into the feeling of your hands carding through his hair. He was quiet as he thought about your question. Truth is he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to stay with you and never leave. But that wasn’t possible.

“I don’t know” He mumbled after a moment, opening his eyes to look at you. “Why, you tryin’ to kick me out or somethin?”

He closed his eyes and hummed a little, melting into the feeling of your hands carding through his hair. He was quiet as he thought about your question. Truth is he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to stay with you and never leave. But that wasn’t possible.

“I don’t know” He mumbled after a moment, opening his eyes to look at you. “Why, you tryin’ to kick me out or somethin?”

"No. If you were to argue with me about something stupid like usual, maybe." you responded bluntly, furrowing your brows to yourself.

He chuckled at that, a small smirk on his face at your answer. He knew you were right, the two of you often did argue over stupid things. A part of him wanted to argue with you now, just for the sake of it, so he could stay.

“What about if I don’t argue.” He asked after a moment, his hands still running up and down your back. “What if I’m on my best behaviour?”

"Then i guess you could stay." you muttered, you wanted to add that he should leave in the morning, through the window still but you fought against it. That would be cruel, and it wasn't like he didn't know that.

He could tell you held yourself back from saying that part, he could tell that you wanted to be cruel to him, for him to leave. And hell, maybe he deserved that, he definitely didn’t deserve you.

But he didn’t comment on that, instead, he just hummed in response. “Fine, I’ll stay. As long as I’m allowed to be the big spoon” He teased lightly, giving you a smirk He shifted on the bed a little until he was in his desired position, with you pulled against him, your back press up against his torso, his arms wrapped around your waist, and his chin resting on your shoulder, his face buried in your hair, inhaling your familiar scent.

Usually, JJ would be the kind of person who’d fall asleep almost as soon as he lay down, but right now, he felt wide awake. He didn’t want to waste any time with you and sleeping. It was selfish of him, but it didn’t matter.

He nuzzled his face against your neck, his lips lightly brushing against your skin as he hummed a little, burying his face against the crook of your neck.

You shifted as soon as he spooned you, his chest pressing against your back. Which was kinda sweaty and sticky, but so was he. You let your eyes flutter closed, not sleeping yet but just having your eyes closed. You pulled your messy duvet over you, noting that you'd have to probably change the entire bedding, with how sweaty and sticky you both were. A small part of you said no, of course. It would be nice to have the sheets smell like JJ after he left in the morning.

He made himself comfortable against you, snuggling deeper into the crook of your neck and letting one of his hands move from your waist to splay out over your stomach as he held you.

He could smell a faint hint of your perfume through the usual sweat and sex, but he didn’t mind it, he actually kind of liked it, he liked smelling you, it felt familiar, like home in a way. If he had one. He let out a grumble as he pressed a light kiss against your shoulder, shifting a little behind you so he could pull you even closer.

His eyes closed as he breathed you in, a sort of content expression on his face as he relished the feeling of you against him. He hadn’t felt so relaxed or comfortable in a long time, he could almost pretend that things were different, that the two of you were something different, something more. But that was a dangerous thought to have, and he tried to push it from his head.

He couldn’t help but think of other times like this, when he used to sneak into your childhood bedroom late at night and stay over instead of sleeping at his own shitty house.

He hummed as he thought about that, his hand slowly tracing patterns against your stomach as he let himself think about the past for a moment. He remembered one time in particular, when there had been a big storm and he was too scared to go home drenched, with his dad still angry from the previous fight. So, he snuck over to your house, climbed through your window and spent the night. You’d both snuggled up against each other, him holding you, just like he was right now. It was a memory he often revisited, thinking about how much had changed since then.

He knew things were different now, he wasn’t staying over because he was scared of a storm or his dad, he wasn’t a kid anymore. And neither were you. So much had changed. And yet, at the same time, nothing had changed at all. He was still staying over at your house and crawling through your window. He was still snuggled up against you, the two of you still tangled up together.

He just wished things were different. He shouldn’t still be sneaking over to stay with you, he should be your boyfriend, it should be his bed you were sharing.

"Can't fall asleep..?" you asked gently, noticing he was shifting and writhing a little, instead of being knocked out cold, like he usually was when you both did this.

He looked a little startled by the sound of your voice, he hadn’t expected you to talk, he’d just assumed you were asleep. When he realized that you were asking a question though, he grunted a little in response, his chin resting on your shoulder as he cuddled you against him. “Nah, I’m a bit… wired” He admitted

"You were plastered when you got here like an hour ago.." you mumbled. You had thought he would be wasted and fall asleep instantly, especially also fucking for almost an entire hour. So his words were a bit shocking.

He felt his face grow a little red at the mention of that, he’d been so drunk then, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he fell asleep as soon as he got comfortable. But now he was surprisingly wide awake, he couldn’t explain it, he just felt a bit restless. His hands gripped your waist a little tighter as he grunted a little in response to what you said.

“I dunno why I’m still awake” He mumbled even though he knew why. Guilt kept most people awake.

His eyes fixed on his own fingers, the movement of his hands as he traced lazy circles against your bare stomach. Part of him itched for a joint, he felt restless somehow, he was craving a bit of a distraction, something to take the edge off. He usually didn’t get like this, but then again, usually it was a lot easier for him to fall asleep, especially when he was with you like this. But right now, he just felt a kind of tension running through him, and he wasn’t sure how to get rid of it.

He shifted a little again, one of his legs tangling between yours. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like that he couldn’t get his mind to calm down. He thought about the joint again, that should help, it would make it easier for him to relax.

“I’m thinking, I’d like a joint right about now” He mused quietly, his voice a deep grumble against your skin as he spoke, his fingers still tracing circles against your stomach

"Yeah a joint would absolutely slap right now.." you nodded weakly at his words. A joint would help tame the guilt and the constricting feeling in your chest and stomach. That feeling faded when you had sex but now it was creeping back in. Out with the mind numbing orgasm and in with the self hatred. So weed it was, "think i have some weed hidden around here somewhere," you muttered once again.

“Damn, you got some good stuff hidden in here? You’ll have to show me where you store it” He chuckled, his fingers still tracing lazy shapes against your skin. He liked the idea of a joint, maybe it would mellow him out a bit, help him fall asleep, at least he hoped so.

He hadn’t been able to stop dwelling on the past and how much had changed and just how much he shouldn’t be here in your bed. The best way, of course, was to forget for a bit. Usual JJ coping mechanism.

He nuzzled his face against your shoulder again, his nose nuzzling against your exposed skin as he breathed in your scent. He knew it was stupid and risky being in here in your bed, he didn’t want to think about that. All he wanted to do right now was distract himself from the feelings and thoughts bouncing around his head.

He didn’t want to think about how things were different, how he should be your boyfriend, how he should be here with you and it not be a secret in the middle of the night.

"Dunno if it's good enough for you. Given you smoke weed like 4/20 is every day but—" you trailed off, your voice trailing into uncertainty as you slowly disentangled yourself from him. You moved with a hesitant grace, your body still humming with the residual heat of intimacy, and settled on the edge of the bed. With a careful hand, you gathered your t-shirt and underwear scattered on the floor. His shirt lay next to yours—a silent invitation you longed to accept, though you resisted the urge, not wanting to blur the lines of an already delicate boundary. It was already too intimate as it was.

You slipped into your own clothes—the familiar fabric grounding you—and, with a final reluctant glance at the space between you, you slid off the bed. Each step toward the dresser felt weighted with unspoken tension. Kneeling before it, you opened the bottom drawer and sifted through its contents until your fingers closed around a small tin box. Clutching it, you made your way back to the bed, sitting beside him.

He almost pouted in response to you untangling yourself from him, but he didn’t say anything, only watched you as you got off the bed, pulling a t-shirt and panties on, a small part of him wishing he could’ve seen you naked for longer.

He sat up in the bed, crossing his legs and resting his chin on one of his hands as he watched you kneel before the dresser, searching through it as you grabbed something from the bottom drawer. He couldn’t help but admire your ass a little as you knelt down. He had to.

He watched closely as you walked back to the bed, a small smile on his face as he looked at the tin box in your hands, guessing what was in it. He uncrossed his legs and patted the spot beside him, gesturing for you to sit by him and share what you found together

The small tin box was opened and JJ’s eyes immediately fell on the pre-rolled joint and half pack of Marlboro’s stashed away inside. He raised an eyebrow in surprise, he hadn’t fully expected you to have anything besides the joint, and he found himself impressed by your stash. It was also a bit of a surprise to see the pack of Marlboro’s in there, he knew you smoked regular cigarettes, but he didn’t think you’d have them stashed away with your weed.

He hummed and picked up the joint from inside the box, his fingers playing with the paper for a moment before speaking, his eyes fixed on the joint in his hand. “How come you’ve got cigs in here?” He asked, picking up the half empty pack of Marlboro’s and giving them a little wave, before looking up at you

"Marlboro's are good to smoke with a joint.." you smiled lightly as he shook the red pack of cigarettes. "My other pack is hidden in my purse.. can't have them out and about.." how ironic. Smoking was a secret as much as screwing around with JJ was.

He chuckled a little in response, putting the pack back into the tin box and picking up the joint as he laid himself back down, propping himself up with a few pillows behind him so he could sit up a little.

“You wouldn’t want a big shot like your boyfriend to find out you smoke, huh?” He teased, the joint held between his fingers as he looked up at you with a smirk on his face

"He says it's not feminine to smoke," you scoffed, your tone a blend of amusement and something akin to disgust. Your hand slipped into the familiar tin box, fingers closing around the lighter as if it were a an extension of you. Leaning in, you hovered over him just long enough to ignite the joint that rested between his lips—a delicate, intimate act that blurred the lines between challenge and tenderness. The flicker of the flame danced across his features, making his eyes sparkle and his features more sharper and breathtaking.

He chuckled around the joint as he took his first inhale, his lips closing around the tip of the joint as he inhaled the smoke, letting his tongue dart out to brush against the side of it as he finished taking a hit

“He sounds like a real prize” He teased as he took another quick inhale and let the smoke out, his eyes going to you as he passed the joint over to you with a smirk on his face.

You watched intently as he took the first drag, another amused scoff leaving your lips at his words, taking the joint from him eagerly. You brought it to your lips taking a long drag and holding the smoke in your lungs for a good moment before exhaling it. "Yeah you could say that.."

He watched you as you smoked, his eyelids lowered in a sort of lazy, half-lidded look. His eyes were fixed on the way your lips curved against the joint, how you took the hit, the way you exhaled. He knew it was wrong for him to even look at you like this. He knew how dangerous all of this was. And he hated it.

"Why do you even put up with him?" He asked, picking up the box and taking out a Marlboro for himself, his eyes still fixed on you

He lit the cigarette, putting the still burning joint on the ashtray you had handed him and placed between the 2 of you. He didn’t smoke cigarettes often, they weren’t really his preference. But it helped dull his frustration for the time being, so he wasn’t complaining.

"He isn’t the best guy in the world, so why do you bother staying with him?" He asked, looking straight at you this time, his eyes studying your face, searching for any sign of what you were truly thinking

"It's not a matter of if he's the best guy or not.." you grimaced almost imperceptibly, laying on your back next to him, a small distance between the 2 of you for the ash tray. You grabbed a cigarette before placing the tin box on your night stand, keeping the pack of cigarettes in your lap.

"Well, what is it then. Is it the money? I know his Daddy is swimming in it." He said, taking another drag of his cigarette. The bitterness was clear in his voice, though he tried to hide it. He was jealous of your boyfriend. He was jealous of the fact that he had everything that JJ didn’t, and more. He had money, a good, proper family, decent behavior. JJ had none of that.

"Technically yeah.." you turned to side glance at him as you took a drag of your own cigarette, already feeling a bit dizzy when the nicotine and weed mixed together.

He couldn’t help the scoff that came from him at your response. It stung, it stung to know that you were staying with a douchebag because he had money. That you stayed with someone you didn’t actually like because you preferred the money he threw at you. It stung. JJ didn’t understand why though, he wouldn’t admit it, but it hurt. “So you stay with that tool for the money. You don’t actually love him?”

"God no.. Riley's good company.. sometimes. But I'm not after his money or company..." you grimaced again, tapping the cigarette gently to ash it. Your words felt a bit horrible if you thought about them. Given you were dating your boyfriend for almost 2 years now.

JJ couldn’t help the twinge of anger he felt. You were with a guy for 2 years, spending time with him, going on dates, probably doing other stuff as well, but you didn’t even like him. You just liked the money he had. While here he was, stuck with nothing and nobody. The anger was starting to become bitter resentment.

"So… what’re you with him for then? If you don’t care about the money or him?

"Cause... you know my parents.. they're really old friends with his.. and i guess it gives them a reason to combine their richness.." your frown deepened too as you spoke, taking another drag of the cigarette.

He could see your frown forming as you spoke, the words spilling out of your mouth. He hated it. Hated your parents, hated your relationship with your rich boyfriend, how you were so content with the shitty situation.

"So, you’re basically a trophy. A toy for your parents to show off" His words sounded harsher than he’d originally intended

Although technically it was kind of true you didn't like the wording of that fact. With the way they were planning on marrying you off this dude was kind of like melting 2 trophies together to create a big pile of gold. You opened your mouth to speak closing it again glaring at him slightly, "it's not that simple.. you don't even know the whole situation."

He almost bristled at your answer, his jaw clenching in frustration. You were right, he didn’t know the whole situation. And that was exactly his problem. He didn’t know why you stayed with your boyfriend, why you didn’t want to tell your parents to go screw themselves. Why couldn’t you just break up and be with him instead. JJ let out an angry exhale, another bitter scoff leaving his mouth

"Then why don’t you tell me then, princess?"

"Cause it doesn't matter, okay?" you grimaced once again, looking forward as you took another long drag from your cigarette.

He was even more pissed now, his irritation building more and more with each vague answer you gave him. He really hated when you did this. When you answered a question with a vague ass answer that left more questions than it gave answers. He stubbed his cigarette into the ash tray with more force than was necessary. He wasn’t going to keep being left in the dark by you. That wasn’t going to happen

"Bullshit it doesn’t matter! Why won’t you tell me?"

"Cause i thought this was supposed to be casual... we would fuck and then, i dunno.." god, you sounded like an asshole. Of course it wasn't casual, neither of you believed it, especially with your friendship looming over the whole ordeal like a big green monster. It made things more tangled than they would've been if JJ was a mere stranger. You like to pretend you weren't yourself when these things would happen, because you felt like another person. And yet you couldn't understand why JJ was here, putting up with your bullshit and vague answers.

He was even more hurt now, hearing you talk about your ‘relationship’ like it was nothing. He bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything he knew he’d regret, he couldn’t get caught up in the shitty emotions he was feeling, he couldn’t get attached, he couldn’t do that to himself. He knew it wasn’t going anywhere, you’d made that clear. But that didn’t make it better. "So… this is nothing then." His voice was flat, the familiar bitter undertone of resentment in it.

"No... no, it's not nothing. But explaining isn't gonna help us okay? It never does.." you mumbled the last part, your anger turning into something akin to bitterness, mixed with the guilt of the whole situation, still holding the cigarette between your fingers.

He gritted his teeth, trying to stop himself from yelling. He knew arguing didn’t get either of you anywhere, but right now he was fed up, he was annoyed, he wanted answers, something, anything.

"I’m tired of you always giving me these vague ass answers. I’m tired of you just expecting me to accept whatever you give me because you know I’ll take it anyway."

"No, because if I explain the whole situation, you'll just try to find a way out of it—even when there isn't one. I know because I've tried, okay?" you spoke bitterly, your words laced with a simmering frustration that threatened to boil over. Irritation flared up once again, a familiar heat rising in your chest. With a sharp exhale, you stubbed out the cigarette into the ashtray, the smoldering ember crushed under your fingertips. The scent of smoke lingered in the air, a hazy veil that matched the tension thickening between you.

Sitting up a little straighter, you squared your shoulders, a silent declaration of your resolve even with your eyes glazed over by the remnants of the orgasm and the weed.

The silence that followed was palpable, broken only by the distant hum of cicadas outside and the ticking of your bedside clock that seemed to mock the passing time. You could feel his eyes on you, searching for cracks in your armor, but you refused to meet his gaze. The weight of unspoken words pressed down on you, each one a stone added to the burden you carried.

A knot tightened in your stomach as you wrestled with the myriad of emotions swirling within—frustration, hurt, a flicker of hope quickly extinguished by reality. The walls felt closer now, the room smaller, as if the very space conspired to force a confrontation you weren't ready to have. One that always ended up happening anyway.

He couldn’t keep the anger and bitterness from pouring into his voice now, he was too riled up for that.

"God, why do you always do this?! Just always assume that I’m gonna try something. What do you think I’m gonna do, hm? Find out the reason and then what? Try to find a way to get out of it? Try to win you over from your rich boy? Why do you think I’d do that?"

He stood now too, facing you head-on, frustrated and upset. He didn’t like how you just thought he was gonna try and sabotage your current relationship. He couldn’t help himself, he was too frustrated, and now his irritation was starting to manifest itself into anger.

"Do you honestly think I care that much about you dating some rich douche bag that I’d try and steal you away from him?"

"Then why do you wanna know the reasoning? what does it help you with?" you were hurt at his words. Of course, you were. It already wasn't easy for you and somehow JJ made it harder. He always did. You knew he was in the same place as you emotionally, but he just hid behind this stingy persona that some how hardened any soft emotion you had. So for the time being you'd bite back if that's what he wanted. You'd get to wallow about it later.

His expression softened momentarily in surprise at your response before hardening again almost immediately. He didn’t want to feel bad for you, and yet he did. He felt bad for you because he knew you were in that shitty, uncomfortable situation, because deep down he knew you didn’t actually want to be with your rich prick boyfriend.

"Because it’s infuriating to just be left in the dark all the time. Just to be forced into something I don’t know the context of"

"Hellooo..." you dragged out the word almost mockingly, "you knew the context of this situation. When we started this bullshit the context was pretty clear. 'We'd do it once' we said... and then we started making a habit out of it." you scoffed, crosing your legs under you as you sat straighter on the bed, "—and no one is forcing you.. it's not like I'm doing something you don't participate in.."

"God, you’re impossible. Do you honestly think I’d be here if I didn’t have some kind of feelings for you, huh? You think I’d keep coming back here every time, going along with this ‘arrangement’ as you so conveniently call it, if I didn’t?” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, trying to keep his voice level but it was becoming increasingly more difficult. The things you were saying were pissing him off. Greatly.

"That just makes it worse... feelings always complicate things. You think i don't care about any of this? shit, maybe if i was a heartless slut i wouldn't.." you mumbled chewing the inside of your cheek. It felt like your stomach constricted a little when he said he had feelings for you. It was relieving to hear you weren't the only one feeling something. But the hope stoked out because it was impossible and this wasn't a romance novel.

He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his throat, almost scoffing at the fact that you thought feelings were what complicated things. Feelings were what made everything make sense to him. They explained why he kept letting himself into the shitty arrangement. Why he continued coming back when he knew it was breaking his heart.

"You think I care if things are complicated? If I didn’t feel anything, if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t let you drag me deeper into this."

"You could at least be selfish. You usually are. So i don't understand why you don't think about yourself here? If i have to live this shitty life and feel like this, why do you have to too?" you stood up and walk over to him standing in front of him as he paced a little at the foot of your bed.

"I could say the same thing to you. Why do you let yourself live this shitty life? Why are you letting some rich douche control you, huh? If you don’t want to be in that shitty life, then why don’t you just change it?"

He was getting heated now, his voice rising as he spoke louder. And yet he didn’t care if this would wake up the rest of your family, he was too riled up to take that into consideration.

"Cause it's not that simple. None of this is. Out of the two of us you have the privilege to walk out and live your life like you wanna." you scoffed, shifting your irritated gaze to the side.

“Oh please. Don’t give me that bullshit. Out of the 2 of us, no matter what I still have it worse. So don’t even think about giving me that. I come from a shitty family with a shitstain of a father. I barely have enough money to keep myself afloat. At least you have the money to fall back on!”

He hated bringing up the money, but he was so sick of you acting like you had it worse than him. Like you were some sort of sad charity case when you had money and a family that actually gave a damn.

"That's not what i meant. I wasn't flaunting my money and family to you.. i know better than anyone the differences between us." you spoke, your voice softer this time. You felt bad suddenly, cause it was true—he did have it worse. Sometimes it made you wonder how something as beautiful as JJ got such a shitty deal in life. It was ridiculous how rotten and shitty you were, and you got such a pristine life while he was left with... whatever he could get.

He hated how soft your voice had gotten all of a sudden, making him immediately feel guilty for even bringing up the money. It wasn’t your fault his family was shittier than yours, and he felt like an ass for making you feel bad.

He stayed silent for a moment, looking down at the floor for a moment until he looked back up at you. Though his voice had lost the irritation from before and was replaced with something more bitter.

"You still didn’t answer my question. Why don’t you change your life then?"

"Cause it's not changeable okay? This shit runs deeper than any of this combined.." you gestured between the 2 of you, "sometimes i think cheating on my boyfriend is the best thing i can do for myself.." you mumbled bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest and gazing to your side again, at the ashtray with the barely touched joint on the bed.

When you mumbled that you thought cheating on your boyfriend was the best thing you could do for yourself, a scoff escaped his throat.

“That doesn’t make sense. How can cheating on him be the best thing when it’s something that’s tearing you up inside and making you hate yourself even more than I know you already do?”

"Cause at least it's something i wanna do. I wanna sleep with you. It's not like anyone is forcing me to be with you." you turned to him, furrowing your brows and letting a scoff of your own.

He didn’t know why, but something about the way you said that riled him up again. His body tensed and his face hardened into that expression he usually donned at the Boneyard when he saw something he didn’t like. That cold, emotionless facade that always had people pissing themselves when they saw it.

"Oh really, that’s why you cheat on your boyfriend, huh? Cuz you want to be with me. Because you want me this much. Right?”

You averted you gaze again, scowling to yourself. You weren't scared of him, hell you knew him since he was eating his boogers. You were just exhausted of arguing and falling into the same cycle. All of it because you couldn't stay friends when puberty hit. It was angering and sad.

"You never answer me when I ask that question. Whenever I ask if you actually want me, if you actually want what we have or if this is just a way to pass time. You always get silent or deflect. So, answer me for once. Do you want me? Do you want this?”

Maybe it was a bad idea to keep pushing, JJ already knew you wouldn’t answer but something inside him made him continue despite being a masochistic idiot.

"Do you think i'd be doing this if i didn't want you?. You think i use sex just to pass time?" you scoffed bitterly. You weren't surprised he thought that, after all you would act like a cruel bitch sometimes despite loving JJ more than you would ever admit to anyone, yourself included.

He couldn’t do anything other than scoff at your scoff as he ran his hand through his hair once more. Frustration coursing through his veins and his jaw clenched so tight he wouldn’t be surprised if his teeth cracked. He was tired of this. Having to ask you the same question and never getting an answer. Never knowing anything about what was going on in your head.

"You’re never direct with any of your answers, you always have to be vague or snarky. Can you blame me if I think that? You never actually tell me what you want from me.”

"I dunno okay? Sometimes i pray to God you just brush me off when i show up to your door drunk." you knitted your brows up in exhaustion. You knew, since your parents basically married you off to someone else, that you and JJ couldn't have anything. You convinced yourself that if he did casual hooking up with girls at parties, it would work in your case too. Spoiler alert: it was back firing more than you could handle.

Again, another vague response and once again, he felt his irritation spike. He clenched and unclenched his jaw as he felt the urge to scream from frustration, but instead, he just let out a scoff-like laugh.

"Of course, that’s your answer. ‘I dunno’, you never know.” He stepped towards you, narrowing his eyes at you. He didn’t care that his voice was borderline yelling and that it was a quiet summer night outside.

"You never know, no matter how many times I ask, you never know."

He got right in your face, closing whatever distance was between you two so that he was looking down directly into your eyes. He wanted you to look at him, to look him in the eyes and actually speak to him for once without any vague answers.

"What do you want me to do? You want me to just blow you off? Ignore you completely? Not answer your calls and not give you the time of day anymore? You want me to do that, huh?”

"Well if you don't like this.." you shrugged, raising your brows and fixing him with your gaze, although a small part of you hoped he would take the words back and maybe you'd go back to smoking the joint and cuddling until the morning when he had to leave.

He hated it when you did that, when you looked up at him with that expression, so emotionless and vague. But he wasn’t a complete moron, and he could see the hints of hope in your eyes, despite it being barely noticeable. He was tempted, he was so completely tempted to just drop this and go back to smoking and snuggling. He always was. “No, no, answer me. That’s all I’m asking for. Tell me what you want.”

"I want things to be different okay? that's all i wanted and I'll want until i die. Sounds dramatic but it sums up this whole situation." god, someone who finally asked what you wanted, the wrong person at that, because you had no reason. You wanted to keep him here with you, and have him do this, repeat the cycle. But if you were him you'd get fed up too. Hell. you'd probably not take the bullshit you gave him.

He let out a frustrated huff as he once again ran his hand through his hair, pulling a little at the ends. How in the hell was he supposed to respond to that? How was he supposed to react to the fact that you were unhappy and that it was something they both couldn’t change?

“You can’t say that and just leave it at that, we both know that there’s a million different outcomes for how things could be different.”

"You don't understand that it can't be. It just can't. It's not as easy as breaking up with my boyfriend and dating you. Although that's what i wanted from the start of this." you looked up at him, scrunching up your face in sort of desperate expression, whisper shouting at him.

JJ felt his insides twist and turn, his frustration only getting worse. You didn’t even have the faintest of ideas about how much he wished that were actually a viable option. How he wanted to be able to wake up in the same bed as you and not have to worry about sneaking out the window in the middle of the night so no one saw.

"Well, yeah. I do understand that, that’s kind of the problem, isn’t it? I get that it’s not easy to just break it off with him and start dating me."

He clenched his jaw as he looked away from you, a part of him still desperately wishing he could grab you and kiss you right here, right now, and pretend that everything was fine. But he couldn’t, especially now, and he knew it.

"It’s more than just ‘not easy’ it’s pretty much impossible. Or at least impossible to change right now, I mean we still got one more year before graduation, and we both know that your parents aren’t just gonna let you ditch college prep for a life with me.”

"It's not like I'm going to a college that i wanna go to..." you mumbled, scoffing bitterly.

"That doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what you want, it’s what your parents want. And they don’t want some stupid pogue kid to ruin their perfect little college prep daughter’s future." he replied bitterly.

"Yeah it doesn't matter. It never does. It didn't matter when i told them i didn't want to date Riley and it won't when it comes to college or any other life plans. Because they have that all planned out. Hell, they probably planned my first kid already and I'm only 17." you turned your head back to him, scowling and raising your shoulders in a half shrug.

His heart ached at the expression on your face, you looked so damn miserable. So damn broken and defeated. But he knew that it was the truth. He had always known it, that your life would never be your own. That you’d be forced into the future your parents wanted for you, whether you liked it or not. And he knew there was nothing either of you could do about it.

"I know, princess. I know."

It was the pet name. That was his one big fatal flaw. Whenever he called you that he would instantly get this overwhelming need to protect you, hold you tight, and try and shield you from the rest of the damn world. And that was exactly what he did in that moment, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest, holding you tight against him as if he could shield you from your shitty parent's influence.

You didn't hesitate to wrap your arms around his neck, despite the hostility and anger that was felt before the hug, your stomach doing a little flip at the softness in his eyes and the pet-name. A hug was probably some sort of mistake even if not directly, but you needed and he offered it and that's all you could get. So you'd gladly take it.

He held you close for several moments, letting himself savor the feeling of holding you again, relishing the feeling of running his hand through your hair and having you against his chest. Even if it was a mistake, he was happy to make it. Because all he wanted was to hold you, to hug and kiss and comfort you whenever he could. He just wished that things were different, that he didn’t have to be a little secret. But he was, and there was little he could do about that.

Eventually, he felt his will and self-control slowly but surely beginning to crumble. He shouldn’t be doing this, he knew that, but goddammit, he was only human. He was a pogue, it wasn’t as if he had endless supplies of self-discipline.

He gently pulled you back onto the bed and laid down with you, letting out a soft sigh as he continued to run his hands through your hair and hold you close, one hand trailing down your spine.

You let him guide you back to the bed, laying back down with him after placing the ashtray with the stubbed out cigarettes and the barely touched joint as he wrapped and slipped his hand under your shirt, tracing the outline of your spine, your face buried in his chest.

He couldn’t help the way his hand traced its way up and down your spine, gently trailing his fingers down the smooth skin and feeling the bumps of your vertebrae. It helped keep his mind occupied, it was a nice distraction from the feeling of wanting to give in to his emotions and kiss you and shower you in all the attention you deserved. But he was also finding it harder and harder to fight that feeling, especially as he felt the warmth of your body against his chest, the feeling of your breath fanning across his collarbone. It was making him want to pull you closer and just hold you forever.

He was losing the fight against himself, and he knew it. But it was too difficult, it was too difficult to go this long without feeling you or holding you close. He just missed you, he missed you so incredibly much. And he hadn’t noticed that he was slowly starting to pull you even closer, almost as if he was pulling you on top of him. And he wasn’t even aware of the fact that his lips were gently trailing across your forehead, as if he was subconsciously craving the feeling of having you so close.

It always surprised you how gentle JJ could be, not only after arguments or sex. Just generally, and you were probably the only person who could say that and mean it. He just was. And it broke your heart a little every time he held and touched you like you were some kind of porcelain doll he treasured and wanted to gaze at. You knew that he'd be such a great boyfriend if you both had it differently. He would. A small part of you, the one that wasn't as selfish as the bigger one, hoped he'd find someone and ditch this situation you both kept sinking further down in. You'd just have to marry some man you didn't love and before you'd realized it you had became an alcoholic living in a shitty suburban home with a husband who cheated as much as you did. Although you wouldn't see Riley doing that, and he probably hadn't done it in the time you had been "dating."

JJ's hand continued its gentle tracing up and down your back, his touch was always strangely sweet and gentle. As if you were the most precious thing in the world to him, as if he couldn’t bear to hurt you. As if he was trying to savor these little moments of being able to touch you, to have you close, as if these little moments would suddenly disappear and never come again. Which, technically speaking, could happen. Anything was possible.

"Why do you do this to yourself..?" you asked quietly, playing with the small shark tooth necklace around his neck, your brows furrowed as you studied it.

JJ was taken off guard by the question, not expecting it. Why did he do this to himself? Because he was a stupid, selfish addict is why. An addict for you, at the very least. Despite knowing that this was all just some terrible mistake, he craved you so badly, that he couldn’t stop himself from giving in time and time again. So in a way, he was doing this to himself, he was the one getting himself into these stupid situations.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled, not knowing what else he was supposed to say.

He leaned forward and rested his chin on top of your head, letting out a soft hum as his eyes fluttered shut. He was still holding you incredibly close, his arms wrapped tight around your waist, almost as if he was terrified that this would all slip through his fingers and you would be gone when he'd open his eyes.

“Why do you let me do this to myself?” He mumbled, trying to turn the question back on you.

"Because I'm selfish.. duh." you mumbled, wrapping one arm around his neck and resting it on his shoulder, a small bitter scoff leaving your mouth.

“Oh, I know that princess, I know that real damn well.” He hummed sarcastically, one hand slowly trailing up and down your bare back under your shirt.

“But why? You could easily find someone else, hell you could do a lot better than me.”

"You think i'd do this with someone else..? i take mindless sex in stride already." you chuckled dryly at his statement, of course he'd say that. He always did. In different words but essentially the same essence. And the truth was you were honest, if you did sleep with your boyfriend it would mindless and meaningless. You'd just rather get your self off instead of sleep with him. At least you'd come. "the same goes for you.. i think you could easily find someone less complicated and with less baggage."

He chuckled softly, his hand continuing to slowly move over your back, tracing up and down. “Yeah, of course I could. I’ve had people lining up and throwing themselves at me my whole life. I’ve just conveniently ignored every single one of them.”

He said bluntly, as if it was a ridiculous thing to think otherwise. Not that you didn’t already know him well enough to know that he wasn’t lying.

He let out a soft sigh as his hand stopped on your lower back, pressing you a little closer than you already were.

“I think… I think we’re both too screwed up to be with anyone else.” He mumbled, gently pressing his lips to your forehead.

"A masochist and a cruel bitch with an emotional baggage that could easily crush him into alcoholism.. picture perfect couple material." you mumbled letting out another bitter laugh. You were still mindlessly playing with his necklace, your eyes trained on the shiny shark-tooth, sparkling once in a while in the dim light of your room.

He couldn’t stop the half laugh half scoff that escaped his lips at that. You were right of course, the two of you combined were a recipe for disaster. He tried to picture you, as a couple going on dates and holding hands and being happy and all that. It made him want to throw up in his mouth a little, a sort of anxiety settled in his stomach at the thought.

The hand he was using to trace your back came up to gently grab your hand, stopping you from playing with the necklace “Don’t do that, you’re gonna get it tangled up.”

JJ didn’t like it when you played with the necklace, it made him uncomfortable, nervous, the thought of someone else’s hands touching it, messing with it, made him more than a little uncomfortable and he would do damn well to never admit it. “And it’s an ugly necklace anyway, why do you always play with it?” He said, trying to play it cool, hide the nervousness he felt.

"Lemme play with it." you mumbled, furrowing your brows stubbornly as you moved your head to gaze at him, "and it's not ugly.. where did you even get that?"

He raised an eyebrow at you, looking down at you with a slightly annoyed expression, you always were a stubborn girl, it drove him crazy sometimes.

“Don’t be so stubborn, I don’t want it to get messed up.”

He gently grabbed your chin, tilting your head back so that you were looking at him. To stop you from focusing on the necklace for a moment. “Someone gave it to me a long time ago, just don’t touch it."

"No-.. i meant where did you get the idea that it was ugly.." you sat up a little straighter to look at him curiously, "...but now you made me curious. Who's this person who gave it to you?"

He sighed. He really was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. The person who’d given it to him had to be a touchy subject, but he also knew you, and he knew that you wouldn’t let it rest until he told you who it was. As soon as he saw the look in your eyes, he knew you were going to keep bugging him until he told you, he just was too tired (and slightly drunk) to try and deny it anymore.

“Why do you want to know?”

"Just kinda curious is all.." you grimaced at how strange and secretive he was being, over a necklace which looked like it was bought from the souvenir shop on the highway reserved for tourons.

JJ huffed softly at your grimace, he knew his secrecy was going to seem suspicious. But at the same time, he also had a very good reason not to tell you who the necklace actually came from.

“..It was a friend. A long time ago.”

He mumbled, trying to keep his tone nonchalant, even and normal. But the way he was speaking, as if he was purposefully avoiding giving details was anything but normal and nonchalant.

JJ tensed up at the mention of her name, quickly becoming uncomfortable. He should’ve known you’d think it was Kiara, that the two of you were close, and it made sense.

“No. It wasn’t her.”

He mumbled, avoiding your eyes. His mind immediately going to the person who it really was, and the thought filled him with a feeling of anxiety. But it’s not like he could tell you the truth. "Why would think it was her?"

"—Cause Kiara looks at you like she's in love with you. And she is. And that's not a problem itself, if she wasn't hopping from John B to Pope and then realizing that the one she wants is you." you shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and his question was stupid. Because it was, you could tell by the way he stiffened under you slightly.

He didn’t really have a response to that. You were right, and he knew it. How was he supposed to say “yeah I know a girl is in love with me but I’m obsessed with a girl that’s in a relationship with someone else” without sounding like a scumbag?

He huffed again, turning his head and refusing to look at you. “..Why do you have to bring her up?”

"Cause it pisses me off how easily she got off the hook with it. She's my friend, yeah.. but it doesn't change the fact that she's a homie hopper and that in a way it made things awkward between all of us. Reason why i hang out with the group rarely now." your grimace turned into a scowl at your own words, your eyes directing it to your leg mindlessly.

JJ found himself grimacing again as you continued. You weren’t exactly wrong, in his eyes Kiara had pretty much gotten off the hook without a scratch. And he was too soft on her, not that she’d ever done anything to upset him personally, he understood why it annoyed you.

“..She’s just confused.. she doesn’t understand her own feelings.”

"Can you just.. not?" your scowl melted into a glare as you turned to glance at him, your voice low and uncomfortable.

He tensed again, his eyes narrowing at you as he met your glare. He felt slightly defensive suddenly, what the hell was your problem?

“How about you just not get pissy over every little thing you don’t like?”

"Oh, excuse me for getting pissy over your little Kie.." you scoffed incredulously at his words, voice dripping with sarcasm.

JJ clenched his jaw as you mocked Kiara’s nickname. Something about it struck a cord in him for some reason. He really shouldn’t care that you were making fun of a friend, but he did anyway and it was just pissing him off more. He rolled his eyes at you, his annoyance now fully directed towards you instead of just the topic of Kiara. “For god's sake why do you have to be so damn jealous all the time?”

"You call it jealousy, i call it being the only one in that group who's not head over heels in love with Kiara Carrera. For fuck's sake, you don't remember what she did to Pope, after also kissing John B? How was any of that normal? She slept with him knowing he was in love with her, and then decided to play the 'i wanna stay friends' card." the words came out before you could filter the resentment and bitterness out of them. It was stupid and it was more stupider JJ was being defensive of it. Showed you what kind of guy he was. Not that you were a better kind of girl inherently.

His expression darkened even more than before, his annoyance quickly turning to straight up anger. You were not gonna sit here and talk like that about Kiara, who was also one of his friends and had done nothing to you. Sure, she’d messed up, but everyone did sometimes. JJ knew that well enough. He didn’t bother trying to keep the venom out of his words as he spoke.

“You know what, you’re being a damn bitch. Yeah, Kiara made mistakes, but everyone does.”

You couldn't believe him, but then again you never could. So, it wasn't anything new that he was defending her to the heavens like that. You turned your head to the side, frowning and letting your eyes fall onto your window. You knew in a way, that if JJ was in love with her, that it would be better for him in a way. They had the perfect set-up for a friends-to-lovers thing. You and him were a shittier, much more toxic knockout version of the trope.

He clenched his jaw, his anger slowly growing. He noticed you looking out the window, avoiding his eyes, but he didn’t care. This stupid argument was starting to bother him enough to want to look your in the eyes and make you look back, but he also wasn’t gonna risk it turning into something more.. physical. He ran a hand over his face again, frustrated. “You know, maybe she is perfect for me. We’d probably make a hell of a lot more sense as a couple than whatever the hell you and I were.”

He immediately wanted to take the words back. It was a low-blow, and he knew it. He knew better than anyone just how hard it was to admit you and him would never be “officially” together. But he also couldn’t help it, you being a jealous idiot over Kiara of all people was infuriating and he was drunk enough to be angrier over it than he normally would be.

You felt the sting of the words like that one time when your mom slapped you when you were 14 for something stupid. Just like the slap, the words were fleeting and said out of anger, but what was worse was that they were, in fact true. You were thinking the same thing and he was voicing it out. You shouldn't care, not when you were such an asshole and dragging JJ into in your own pile of shit willingly. It still hurt you.

You tried to hide the sad frown that came over your face as soon as he said that by still avoiding his gaze. You weren't going to let him see your face, because with how emotionally drained and exhausted you were you'd just.. cry.

He immediately regretted saying it as soon as the words were out of his mouth, but once the words were there, they were impossible to take back. JJ felt his heart clench as he saw you try to hide your face from him, trying to make yourself seem unbothered. No matter how many times he saw it, he could always tell though. A part of him wanted to apologize, just apologize and tell you he didn’t mean it. But he didn’t.

He let the silence settle over both of you for a few moments more, not knowing what to say.

He sat silently for a few more long, drawn out moments before he spoke again. He knew he shouldn’t say it, but something in him felt like he needed to.

“I mean it, y’know. Kiara would be more of a proper girlfriend than you could ever be.. I wouldn't have to worry about her sneaking off to cheat on me.” He tried to sound convinced, but the words sounded half-hearted to his own ears.

Once he spoke the words, the reality of what he had just said settled in. His heart squeezed painfully, but he pushed the feeling aside and continued trying to convince himself.

“Hell, she’s probably better for me anyway. Doesn’t put me on edge like you do.. wouldn’t just disappear at the mention of her parents or your boyfriend..” He stopped himself, the words coming out in a quiet, bitter scoff. It shouldn’t sting to say, not when you were basically nothing to each other.

Of course he would say that. You knew he believed it, and in moments like these you didn't know why he was putting up with you then. If he wanted he'd probably get sex from her too. It wasn't like it was hard. So then why did JJ hang around you? It was always your biggest question, given you had your answer to it.

Your frown deepened even more, your lip sticking out a little, now that you were actually suppressing the urge to actually cry. It wasn't like that was the cruelest thing he said to you, but it was cruel enough to slowly set you off the edge into a free fall basically. You just were so angry and frustrated at everything and sometimes your body thought crying was what was best for it. You still didn't cry but you were damn near it.

Seeing your expression twisted painfully in his stomach again, but it wasn’t like he didn’t mean it. He knew things between you weren’t going anywhere, and yet he kept going back on you like a fool. So why didn’t he just admit it to himself, that you were both just playing with fire with these meetings?

He was just drunk and angry enough to keep going, to keep feeding the fire.

“She’s probably not even gonna go off to some fancy college and leave me behind, like you are..”

A pang of guilt flashed through him again after saying the words, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. It was the truth, after all. He wasn’t stupid. You were going to eventually go off to college and ditch all his stupid-ass friends and leave the life you had here behind. You had bigger things ahead of you, and you were definitely smart enough to achieve it. He was just some burnout loser who was probably gonna end up arrested or in an early grave.

By now you would've turned to him and told him to get the fuck out of your room and wherever he would sleep at, when he wasn't here or at John B's house. Screamed at him until he left through the window and then smoke the entire joint alone to cry yourself to sleep. But your mouth already felt watery, like when you'd hold tears and your stomach felt absolutely sick. A small sob escaped you and then it was like a match to a drizzle of gasoline. Your head dropped on top of your knees, your arms wrapped around it as you sobbed quietly. You knew it was dumb, and that he'd probably just get up and leave, too weirded out and not wanting to deal with it. You didn't know if that was good or not.

At the sound of you crying, all the fight that built up within JJ was suddenly gone.

Now that he did feel guilty. The sight of you made his heart clench in a way that felt almost physically painful, and he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. The last time he had seen you cry like that was when your dog died, and he knew it was usually only something like that that would reduce you to this.

But he was the one causing it this time.

He scooted closer to you, hesitating for a second before bringing an arm around your shoulders. It felt weird to do, and he knew you probably didn’t want him to. It reminded him of all those times when the two of you were kids, and he used to hold and comfort you after a nightmare or when you got hurt. How you would clutch his shirt and hide your face against him, knowing he would keep anything from hurting you.

He knew things weren’t the same anymore, but he still pulled you towards him either way..

He sat silently for a few moments, the sound of your quiet sobbing filling the room in a way that somehow made everything feel so wrong. He didn’t say anything, not really sure what to say. Part of him wanted to try and comfort you, tell you it was just a joke and it wasn’t actually true. But he knew that wasn’t the issue, that it was the fact that he wasn’t wrong. And you knew that.

He clenched his jaw again, his own words replaying in his head again.

“M’ sorry.. I didn’t mean it..” He said the words quietly, his heart clenching once more at the sound of your sobbing. It hurt to be the cause of these tears, the one to make you crumble and fall apart in such a way. Not for the first time he wondered how he ended up here, how he could’ve managed to destroy the one thing he’d ever loved. Well, it wasn’t really destroyed, yet..

And you didn't care because it didn't change the fact that the words were as true as the sky was blue. That wasn't the main reason you were crying. You were angry. At yourself, at your parents at everything. At the fact that your friendship was ruined by lust and other factors and that you had lost your best friend to. The only one you had, if you were honest with yourself. And you didn't do that. Not when you knew you were madly in love with him, or when most of you resentment towards Kiara was because she was in fact, the better option and probably the only one.

You palms were covering your face, crying into them softly at everything that was gnawing away at you up until that moment, your body not even registering that he was now next to you, comforting you just like when you were both kids.

It was strange - the way being with you again, the way holding and comforting you in such an intimate way took him right back to your childhood days. Back to when he would hold and comfort you after a bad day or a nightmare, you clinging to him and him relishing the feel of your body against his.

Except now it was different. You didn’t hug onto him like you used to, you didn’t bury your face against him. You were no longer the little girl he used to look after, and he was no longer the boy who would fix all your problems.

He felt like he needed to say something, to say anything. But every time he went to say anything, the words got stuck in his throat. The sight of you like this, so torn apart and broken - it made his stomach twist in a way that felt almost painful, and his heart ached for you like it never had before.

He clenched his jaw again, hating himself, hating the situation. He suddenly understood how the saying “I’d rather watch you walk away than watch you hate or cry” came to be.

He felt like a fool for letting himself get into this mess. For letting himself fall for you the way he did, for letting himself get attached like an idiot. He knew better than that. People like him didn’t get the girl, they were never supposed to.

He thought about all the times as a child like this you had held onto him, the way he would do anything to make you happy again, and he wondered why he couldn’t do that now, why he was so unable to just do something to make it better..

It was still surprising to you that he was still there. He wasn't doing or saying much, but he could've left. Especially with the harsh words he said. It was weird, confusing and it always made your mind flood with questions that you knew you wouldn't get an answer to. Your sobs weren't loud or anything but you were still crying, your face hidden in your knees. The awkward side hug wasn't doing anything to soothe you, and in the back of your mind you were thinking how stupid you looked, breaking down over some words that were true, despite being said so harshly.

The sight of you crying against your knees, trying to hide yourself from him as if he had never seen you cry before, it made his chest ache once more. He had seen you cry hundreds of times before, in all kinds of situations and circumstances, but somehow, this one was hitting him especially hard. Seeing you broken and crying like this, and knowing it was all his fault, hurt more than any of his father’s drunken blows to his face or his ribs.

He clenched his jaw again, taking a breath to steady himself before he spoke.

“Stop cryin’ sweetheart, m’ sorry..”

He didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know what he could possibly say to make this better. Even the nickname slipped out before he could fully register it, reminding him of all those times he would use it to make you stop bawling as a child.

The sound of his voice made you actually raise your head to side glance at him, and by the look on his face you imagined how you looked. You furrowed your brows, as if questioning him about his words, your face going back to being buried in your knees, small hitched sobs escaping you from time to time as you cried.

The sight of you turning to look at him, your red puffy eyes meeting his own and making his chest clench, made him wonder if he had said something wrong. Should he repeat himself? Should he not say anything at all? He felt completely lost and stuck, like no matter what he did this situation could never be made better.

He hesitated for a moment before bringing up a hand to gently run through your hair, the same little thing he used to do all the time when you were little to soothe you.

He couldn’t help but recall those days when he used to sneak over in the later hours of the night, or the early hours of the morning. When you would cling to him like he was your lifeline, the only one keeping you from drowning, and sometimes he wondered if it was true. If he was the one keeping you afloat for so long.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, still running his hand through your hair. It was an attempt to give some sort of comfort to you as you cried..

The sobs died down after almost 10 more minutes of crying, raising your head to wipe the remnants of tears streaming down your face. Now that the tears had mellowed down, the sadness was replaced by a sense of shame at crying cause of some words that were said in an argument. That made you wonder how did you two let it get it so far and complicated. The sex, the arguments, the toxicity; it was all now defining your once beautiful childhood friendship. It felt like a joke, and a bad one at that. One that lacked a punchline or any humor.

You turned to look at him, still sniffling from time to time, "why are you still here?" you asked quietly, your voice a little broken and shaky still.

He took a breath, surprised at your question. He knew he probably should’ve left by now, it was clear you didn’t want him here anymore, and after what he had said he honestly wouldn’t blame you for it.

But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to leave you here on your own like this, not when you were still so upset and clearly broken up. He had never been able to leave you alone and crying, not even once.

“..I ain’t gonna leave you like this..”

He ran his hand through your hair again, his expression almost sad as he looked at you. It was as if he was studying you, taking in your appearance as if he thought he might never see you again.

His heart was aching again, hating how broken up you looked and knowing that he was the cause of it. He remembered all those times when you would smile, laugh, laugh at him or just be happy, and he couldn’t recall if he had seen you like that for him in months..

"Wow.. thanks." you mumbled sarcastically, taking a deep breath to calm down fully, the inhale still sounding shaky and broken up.

He tensed a bit at your sarcastic comment, sighing in slight irritation. After everything, you still had that attitude on you, the same one that got you into this whole damned mess.

“Really?”

His voice was almost snappy, clearly irritated at your sarcastic comment. He didn’t move his hand from your hair, as if trying to make up for his tone with the soothing action.

"Yeah.." you smiled slightly although it didn't reach your puffy eyes, as if you were pleased with how the comment had rubbed him.

Another scoff left his mouth at your tone, his irritation growing more. This was always how you were though, stubborn and quick to anger him. He hated it, even when he knew you most likely did it on purpose.

“God, when are you gonna learn to knock that attitude off?” His hand kept running through your hair, even as he spoke to you.

"I don't have an attitude.." you muttered, sighing in resignation when sensing he was getting irritated at you again. The thirst to argue had died down completely with the tears and you were left with a sense of sickness and sadness. Regret at all the things that led to this.

That sarcastic attitude of yours again. He gritted his teeth, knowing that you were just being stubborn again, but he was still determined to try and calm down himself as he spoke.

“Yes you do. Ever since middle school that damn attitude of yours had gotten worse and worse.” His voice had a bitter sort of tone, almost resenting you for it.

His hand stilled in your hair, trying to ignore the thoughts that came to mind. Memories of the two of you growing up together, the way you would follow him around when you were younger, always by his side no matter what. Now look at the two of you. Fighting constantly, and hating each other for the most part. Hell, he even hated himself for the things he said to you.

His hand moved from your hair to your chin, gently turning your face to the side so you’d be facing him. He studied your face, taking in every detail of it, committing every feature to memory for some reason he couldn’t quite grasp..

“How’d we even get here, huh? How’d it end up like this..?” His voice was quiet, with a sort of longing to it.

"I have no idea.." you shrugged, chewing the inside of your cheek as you mulled over his words. How exactly did you two get here? you'd never stop saying that it was almost ridiculous; having something so pretty reduced to something as stupid as lust and toxicity.

He shook his head slight in response to your shrug, feeling a sort of anger bubble up inside of him. It was always the same, the same damn situation, no matter what. But he couldn’t help himself, no matter how much he tried to stop it, he was always going to want you…

“..Don’t give me that. You know how we got here, you’re as much to blame as I am..”

"Didn't say i wasn't.. -think most of the blame goes to me if I'm being honest.." you spoke evenly, fidgeting with your rings mindlessly.

He watched as you fidgeted with your rings, the sight strangely familiar. It was something you always did when you were nervous. He had seen you fidget like this so many times, before exams, when you were worried about something, hell you even did it back when you had your first date.

He huffed in response to your statement, his eyes focused on your hands and their fiddling. “..Why you saying that?..”

"Dunno.. most of the bullshit in my life is from my stupid decisions.." you raised your eyes to lock them with his, brows raising at the same time.

His gaze snapped back to your face when you looked back at him, meeting your eyes, taking a moment to register what you said before answering.

“..I’ve made plenty stupid decisions myself, you know that. Don’t go putting all the blame on yourself now, you weren’t the only one involved here..”

He paused a moment, the realization settling in as he spoke again.

“..You’re being too hard on yourself..” His voice was almost gentle, that hint of irritation from before gone. He hated that you always had to take the blame for things, even when it wasn’t your fault. He knew that you were just worried all the time, that you had anxiety about everything, and that even when things weren’t entirely your fault, you’d still blame yourself.

The way the former comment sounded. 'Involved', like it was a past situation you weren't part of anymore, like this whole thing between you was ending. Or had ended already. And you remembered his words about Kiara being better for him and how'd they make a more healthier couple than whatever you had going on; and it kinda clicked in your head. Maybe this was the time where you'd finally stop being selfish and bring everyone in your situations, "So, what now?" you settled on asking, the question being the less loaded one out of your brain.

His eyes were still on yours as he studied you, sensing the shift in mood, seeing the realization come over your face.

His own gut squeezed, knowing exactly what you were alluding to. But he wouldn’t admit it, wouldn’t admit that it sounded a little too much like an “end”. He didn’t want to think about it like that, didn’t want to admit that he might be losing you for real..

He took a moment to answer your question, his voice still gentle. “..What do you mean..?”

He raised his hand to your face, softly brushing a piece of your hair out of your face and behind your ear. Part of him wanted to hold you tighter, pull you against his chest and never let go again. But the other part, the logical one, told him that this needed to end, that there was no point in keeping up a facade of some thing that was bound to fall apart regardless..

"You know what i mean.. you said some things that hinted at something and i wanna know what you're planning on doing from now on.." you sighed, looking at him with a mix of sadness and determination, your eyes raking over his face in the dim lighting of your room.

JJ looked away from you, his jaw tense. The sadness and determination in your eyes made his heart hurt, and he knew what you were hinting at. But he kept telling himself that it wasn’t like that, not really.

He was quiet for a second, trying to find the words, when suddenly he felt a wave of drunken honesty hit him.

“..It’s not like we can keep on doing this forever, you know...”

His voice was barely above a whisper, and for a moment he looked vulnerable, the cool nonchalance of before gone as he met your gaze again. His hand was still gently cupping your face, his thumb softly rubbing against your skin as a wave of emotions took over him.

“Eventually it’s gonna get too complicated, too messy. We’ll get caught, or you’re gonna stop looking for some stupid thrill to do when your boyfriend pisses you off and you remember you have a good ole boy toy waiting on the side..”

"This was never about the thrill of it.." you muttered, your face twisted into an almost offended look.

“Bullshit-“ He said it before he could stop himself, and he immediately regretted it as he watched your expression, but a part of him still couldn’t bite the words back.

“..C’mon, you tellin’ me that you’re sneaking out to be with me cause your in love with me and not cause you get some sort of thrill out of this?” He spoke in a sardonic tone.

He knew he was crossing a line, but the alcohol was still coursing through his veins and he couldn’t help himself.

“You’ve got a boyfriend that you already said you care for enough to consider marrying, hell you’ve got more than enough reasons to stop hooking up with me.”

He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince you or himself at this point, but the words just kept falling from his lips like earlier, like word vomit.

"I am not considering marrying him.. it's not up to me, and it doesn't matter who I'm in love with. Not to my parents anyway.." you shook your head in slight disbelief at his words.

It took a moment for your statement to sink in, the realization that your parents didn’t care who you actually cared for..

A pang of anger, or maybe jealousy, went through him at the thought, and he found himself pushing further.

“Exactly.. you don’t actually get to choose anyway, so why bother hooking up behind his back? Is it just some kind of stupid form of rebellion..”

"If i told you that i loved you and it wasn't some sort of rebellion what would you say?" you asked bluntly, too worked up now to stop saying the words you were trying to hold back for the sake of not making the situation more messier than it already was.

JJ’s eyes widened in surprise at your blunt question, part of him not expecting to actually get an admission from you. He was silent for a long moment, just looking at you, taking in the words you just said.

“..I’d say you’re lying to yourself,” he said quietly, his eyes holding a challenge in them as he refused to look away from you.

You shook your head chewing on the inside of your cheek, fixing him with your gaze silently. This was probably the only time in your life where you weren't lying to yourself. But it seemed like he didn't believe you. Or just didn't want to.

His jaw tensed slightly as he saw how genuine your expression was. He wanted to believe you, but for some reason part of him was still hesitant, still needed more.

“Say I actually believed you.. what would that change? You’ve still got a boyfriend, and your parents..” He stopped, his gaze hardening slightly.

"The way you think i look at this situation... i don't do it cause i get a kick out of it." you shrugged, a sense of desperation lingering in your voice.

JJ’s expression softened slightly, a pang of guilt going through him at the tone of your voice.

“..if it’s not because you’re getting off on it… then why do you do it, huh? Why do you keep going back to me if you don’t even love me?”

"That's what I'm trying to tell you... that's the reason why i keep coming back. But you obviously can't wrap your head around the fact that i actually care about you, as if we weren't friends for so long before this." your face contorted into the desperate expression even more, gesturing a little as you whispered at him.

JJ’s expression darkened at your statement, his body tensing up. He didn’t respond for a long, drawn out moment, still reeling from the words you had said.

“..bullshit. You don’t get to say that you care about me. We aren’t friends like we used to be, we’re.. something else entirely. And don’t even think for a second that I buy what you’re saying. Because you don’t actually care about me.”

"Okay then leave." you whispered softly, your expression hardening as he brushed off your admission and words, too exhausted to argue or scream at each other, especially since it was the early morning now. “Gladly.” He sneered, his expression dark as he pushed himself off the bed, moving towards the window after putting his clothes and shoes back on in a infuriated hurry. But before he left, he couldn’t stop himself from looking back at you one last time, his expression becoming almost soft and vulnerable again

“…You know that I care about you too.”

He said quietly, the confession slipping out before he climbed out the window. JJ made his way back to his house, the cold air biting his skin and sobering him up a little too much for his liking. But the night air couldn’t stop his mind from spinning, going over the words you had whispered to him, over and over like a broken record..

Bye lmao, i went thru like 3000 emotions while re-writing and editing this. Here's smut, i guess? this is the most angstiest smut ever written prolly. Let me know ur thoughts and if you want a part 2 to this one too. I promise summer was my first love is also getting another chapter.

Tag-list*:･ﾟ✧ @cali-888, @bee-43, @jjscoquette, @melsbels-zip, @stanseventeen

Divider credits:✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡ @strangergraphics, @cafekitsune

[skellycrows]

dpxdc fantasy au (dead tired)

of course the moment i start posting on here and planning a fic i get sick LMAO. gave me time to start actually watching Danny Phantom though, so i know a bit more about what I'm talking about, which is nice. also finally managed to do a draft design for Tim in this AU, which will get posted sometime soon-ish.

After a bunch (ten minutes) of research I decidedly gave up and have decided to make up my own rules for how Amity Kingdom is going to work structure wise- mainly because getting Tim a way into the court is frustrating if i follow EXACTLY how real royal courts work.

SO!!! In Amity kingdom, the court is all decided by the ruling monarch. That means that even if someone was in the court as say, a duke, for the former ruler (cough cough dark pariah), when the new ruler took the throne their position would not be guaranteed. Danny filling up his court with a mix of fae (ghost equivalent) and humans to advise him- in Amity, the fae generally mingle with the humans. think, lunch lady working in a kitchen of some sort and it being accepted, if just barely. its a fragile balance, getting the two worlds to get along, but due to so much exposure, Amity's citizens aren't impacted by the primal fear and spooky shit as much. because this isn't exactly like pre-established fae creatures, I'm making it up with a mix of myths, and i want them to be off-putting. Also, the human citizens have their own magics and alchemy created specifically to combat and deal with the fae (equivalent of Fenton tech) when necessary, and so... yeah, Danny has Fright Knight teaching the soldiers. Yeah, Ember is a court musician. Yeah, they're both still Different from the human characters.

Amity's throne is also won through right of conquest, and the same is true in the infinite lands- meaning when Dark Pariah ruled over both, whoever beat him would rule over both. This also really fucked with fae-human relationships in Amity, so Danny has his work cut out for him resolving everything, ruling essentially a kingdom and a whole dimension, and having... no training in the slightest. not to mention, a large part of the court had to be stripped of their titles due to plotting against him or just generally not supporting his rule.

So you can imagine how desperate the poor boy is for aid. He has his friends and he has council in the infinite realms that upholds a good deal of the stuff there, but you know what he doesn't have?

Humans that know how to deal with mfing POLITICS. Sam is helpful for activism and agriculture, Tucker is helpful with alchemy, Jazz is helpful with... most things, really, but even she doesn't know how to run a country!!! She's best with organizing humanitarian efforts and healthcare and communication, not the logistics! The only person he knows that has a good grasp on all that stuff is Vlad, and asking Vlad for help is like asking to be manipulated into furthering the bastards agenda. And currently that man's agenda is to steal Danny's throne. The only reason he retained his title (duke? archduke maybe? undecided) when Danny took his throne is that keeping the man there quells a chunk of the people that disapprove of Danny's rule.

Also, again, like him or not, the guy knows what he's doing.

So yeah, when Danny's out on a visit to the city and discovers an outsider boy fighting a group of bandits, of course Danny helps him. (Tim would have been so very fine alone, but the help is appreciated). Protecting people, at least, is something he knows how to do. And then, well, the guy's an OUTSIDER, he doesn't know anything about how to survive in Amity, of course Danny's gonna show him around a bit and teach him some of the rules of survival! And maybe he doesnt mention his title at first, because its nice being treated a bit more normally. (Tim is watching this uncannily beautiful man warily the whole time- because something seems Off about him, about the way he holds himself, about the way the citizens treat him.)

And maybe he lets slip a few things about how the current king is struggling to settle in, and the new boy has an oddly expansive knowledge bank of taxes and trade and handling political factions and disputes and-

Well, Danny feels a bit like he can breathe for the first time in months. Its not perfect advise, of course- Gotham doesn't have the same types of problems as Amity but Ancients! The boy catches on to everything so quickly, and he seems so well equipped, and Danny needs to get him to come to the palace with him. He'd make an excellent advisor-

But maybe he'll just start with offering him a place to stay as a guest.

Tim is both pleased and paranoid when he immediately gets an in with the actual KING because its so convenient for his goals, but things never go this well. Something's Going to give, at some point, but for now he has no choice but to play along. Maybe it'll work out easily after all.

[maracujatangerine]

90. Restless Night

CW: institutional slavery, pet whump, dehumanisation, box boy universe, cursing

Coriander was lying curled up in its own bed. The curtains drawn against the deepening night outside.

The pet’s whole body ached with exhaustion, but still, it couldn’t sleep. The bone-deep fatigue awaking memories of old, bad times.

Every time it tried to fall asleep, its body would start violently awake. Each time destroying any and all progress the pet had made on the way to unconsciousness. It was extremely frustrating.

It heard steps outside the door. Then, the gentlest of knocks.

“Cory?” Miss Lydia sounded hesitant, her voice low. “Is there anything you need? Would you perhaps like something to eat?”

The pet knew that if it just uttered the words, Miss Lydia would come and sit by it, as she had so many times before. It could almost feel the dip of the mattress as she would sit down, the comforting warmth of her body next to the pet, the soothing feeling of her hands gently carding through its hair and caressing its back and shoulders. The pet’s tense muscles would relax then, as if bespelled. Her mere presence would work like a sleeping spell, lulling the pet into dreamland.

Coriander longed for it. Miss Lydia’s presence, and sleep, in equal measure. But the pet couldn’t ask for it.

It was still so. fucking. angry.

…and upset… and scared… and not being a good pet… and sad… and ashamed… and regretful… and exhausted… and in pain… and confused… and still, so angry.

The very reason her presence would affect it, was the same reason it had panicked in the hospital. In this dark moment, the pet thought it might be the same reason it did anything at all. They had shaped it, moulded its responses, formed its actions, to be whatever its owner desired.

The pet considered just pretending to be asleep, but when Miss Lydia didn’t leave, Coriander finally replied.

“N-no, Miss Lydia. This pet just wants to sleep.”

She stood still for a moment outside the door, the pet could imagine her laying her hand against its surface.

“All right, Cory. I will be downstairs if you need anything.”

She tried hard to sound like every other night, but the pet knew her too well. It could hear the undertones of worry and sadness in her voice. After another moment of silence, Miss Lydia slowly turned and walked away.

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Thank you all for comments, and reblogs, and likes! I really appreciate you all taking the time! 💖

If you are new to this story, the tale of Lydia and Coriander starts here. There’s quite a lot of it, and I hope you’ll enjoy it! ☺️

I also have another, shorter story in the works that focuses on hero vs villain themes. You can find that here.

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