#Eat shit and die rabbit

[blacksheep-alien]

Aw look! It's usagi the samurai! Does he look better than ever.

[moonmoonthecrabking]

seeing all the girl dinner Discourse pop up to me is so wild bc. i thought it was just eating enough snacks at once to constitute a meal when you hadn’t done your shopping. like leftover takeaway + a banana + a cupcake you bought at a bake sale yesterday. not a cute charcuterie board you eat nothing off to eat nothing while still having dinner.

[ssaalexblake]

I have my heart set on 15 appearing because of martha jones and a shotgun 

[mangosrar]

call it closure

chris sturniolo x fem reader.

long asf. smut. filth. sexy chris 😛😛😛

your relationship with chris had always been complicated, a will they wont they sort of thing. you both loved eachother, that was obvious, yes you were his, but he wasnt yours.

you both decided friends with benefits would be the best option. well for him. part of you agreed just so you could play pretend, trick yourself into thinking you had him, and you knew nothing lasted forever, but he fooled you for a while.

everyone knew chris had major commitment issues, but you just didnt understand. he treated you like the only girl ever behind closed doors, but the second anyone else was around, he would drop your hand.

you thought this would be fine, you had him, you had him to yourself and that was all that mattered. until you realised you didnt. he had you eating out the palm of his hand on complete puppet strings. he said jump and you asked how high. you had fallen down a dangerous rabbit hole, and the only way to escape was to drive a knife straight through the heart of whatever it was you and chris had.

flashback.

the house was the quietest youve ever heard it. matt and nick were out so chris had invited you over to smoke with him but you were pretty sure he had over done it because he had gone completely none verbal and just started staring at the wall. he was slouched down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands in his lap. you were too, slouched down on the couch with your knees up. he took a deep breath in before breaking the silence.

"do you think were soulmates in every universe?" he said. not moving his eyes from the spot on the wall. you could have cried right there and then, feeling a deep aching pain bloom in your chest from his words. you hated how he was so absentmindedly killing you.

there was an abundant pause and a thick tension gathered in the air, you wondered if chris could feel it too.

"are we even soulmates in this one?" your voice was so quiet and soft you weren’t sure he even heard you, until he let out a frustrated sigh before bringing a hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"come on y/n dont start this shit now" his voice was harsh. he kept his eyes closed waiting for you to drop it, like you did every time, but you werent sure how much longer you could carry on like this.

"what chris? im being serious, i dont even know what this is anymore, you treat me like im everything one minute and then act like you couldnt care less is i fucking live or die the next!" you let your feet fall and land on the floor as you sat up and turned to face him.

"you know thats not true" he took his hand off of his face and let it rest in the air. his eyes still closed.

"do i?" your voice was quiet and broken. this was draining. the heavy presence of the fact he wasnt truly yours was sucking the life out of you. he opened his eyes and looked at you.

"we both agreed to do this y/n you cant put all of this on me" he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together and staring at you intensely.

there was a pregnant pause, he was waiting for you to defend yourself, or at least try to argue his point, but you couldnt, he was right, to a certain degree. yes you had both agreed to friends with benefits but you hadnt agreed to being hopelessly in love with someone who only reciprocated those feelings in the dark.

you dropped yours eyes, tearing them away from his and letting them linger on his hands before taking a deep breath in.

"i cant carry on like this, its killing me." he tried to cut you off momentarily but you held a hand up, stopping him. "i wont beg for you to love me anymore chris, because i know that somewhere deep down you really do". he said nothing as he stared at you. he was completely speechless. he felt that pain, just like you did, deep in his bones. you searched his eyes for something, anything, a sign that you were lying and just embarrassing yourself, a sign that told you he wasnt at all affected by this, any sense of doubt. you found nothing.

and with that, you left. you got up and walked out of that house, leaving chris to sit there and regret every singe life decision that had got him to this point, but he didnt come after you, he didnt try to stop you, he didnt try to change your mind and thats what stung the most.

end of flashback.

"im going to pack the car so everyone bring your bags down!" chris shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

you pulled the zipper closed on the bag before taking your phone off the bed and making your way downstairs, nick following close behind you. you didnt even look up at chris. you couldnt, you wanted to take complete advantage of the short amount of time you had left to distance yourself from him as much as possible.

it had been about 3 months since you walked out on chris, you hadnt spoke at all, he hadnt tried and neither had you, both of you just accepting fate and trying to move on, but considering the fact his two brothers were your best friends and you practically lived at their house with how much you were over, it was proving to be quite the challenge.

you just politely dropped your bag at his feet and scurried off into the kitchen, bumping into matt.

"you want me to drive the first or second half?" you asked. considering you were the only two that could drive, you insisted you would split it.

"i dont mind but, you sure you wanna have to sit next to chris for that long?" he lowered his voice slightly, his eyes darting to chris who was grabbing all the bags behind you, as his face scrunched up slightly. you glanced over your shoulder at him briefly before crossing your arms over your chest and shrugging.

"its okay, he wont talk to me anyways" you let out a pathetic laugh through your nose, trying to make the situation a little light hearted and a lot less embarrassing. matt obviously picked up on this but was kind enough to ignore it.

"ill do the first half, he will probably fall asleep by the time we swap anyway" he patted your shoulder and you nodded as he made a bee line for the front door.

matt and nick were probably the worst part of this whole situation. they were stuck smack bang in the middle of this pandemonium. of course they both knew what had happened but they gave you the courtesy of separating you and chris with you and them and decided to move past it. you and chris were both aware of how awkward it was for them, and thankfully, he was mature enough to not kick up a big fuss every time you were around. you hadnt spoken at all since that night, only the odd flash of a smile sent each others way when you crossed paths and that was rare, so when nick invited you on their weekend get away to a cabin in the middle of no where with them, you were obviously delighted.

the drive was excruciating. if it wasnt matt and nick arguing it was chriss shitty trap music playing or the gps redirecting you. while you were driving up front chris hadnt even spared you a glance, he didnt utter a single word to you the whole time.

part of you was grateful but another part of you wished he would have, selfishly, so you could just get over it and enjoy your weekend, but nothing was enjoyable anymore as long as chris was around.

"i call the double bed" chris yelled, running through the house.

"y/n theres a room with two singles, wanna bunk with me?" nick asked, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders.

"sure" you nodded, before making your way to the room, setting your bag down and plopping on the bed with a huff, matt trailed in behind you, with your suitcase.

"come on grouchy pants, were gonna have funnnn" he said swatting your leg that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

"i need at least 3-5 business days to recover from being within a 1 mile radius of chris for longer than 30 seconds" you let out a breath as you looked over to matt who was leaning on the door frame with his arms folded over his chest.

"that bad?" he raised his eyebrows in question.

"that bad" you replied flatley. matt just chuckled and motioned for you to follow him downstairs. you huffed and sat up before stomping down the hall after him.

in all fairness, it hadnt been that bad. the 4 of you had eaten, laughed played games and just had fun, regardless of the hanging tension wedged between you and chris. it was now 11:30 and everyone was asleep, but your mind just couldnt switch off, tossing and turning, checking the clock every 5 minutes. you huffed and looked over at nick who was out like a light. hot tub it is.

"i dont know madi, it just hurts" you spoke.

"has he even tried to talk to you?" she spoke over the phone.

"not one single word, and the thing is i dont know if i wanna strangle him or just kiss his fucking face off" you huffed, readjusting your arms so they were resting on the edge of the hot tub with your phone in your hands, the rest of your body being engulfed by the warm blanket of water.

"im worried my advice is gonna get you in trouble" she laughed, making you blow out a huff of air through your nose.

"it doesnt matter, i cant bring myself to do either" you and madi spoke for a little while longer beofre you wrapped the call up, put your phone on the ground and let your body sink lower into the steaming water until it was resting on your collar bones.

you sighed and let your head fall back, this is what you needed, a relaxing moment, the quiet calm of the night lulling your brain into a state of tranquillity, no matt and nick arguing, no chr-

"cant sleep?" you almost had a heart attack, your body jolted forward as your eyes darted around searching for the body that owned the voice.

"jesus, chris you scared the life out of me, how long have you been sitting there?" your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart from being startled. he just stared at you with drooped eyes from his position on the patio chair, opposite the hot tub.

"long enough" he said. his face didnt show any sign of emotion. his stoic expression sending an un willing chill up your spine, despite the warmth of the chlorine filled bubbles around you. chris leaned forward and you swallowed thickly.

"did you mean what you said?" his voice was alot softer and quieter than before, like he was worried you would break at the slight tone of his voice. you couldnt bring your self to look back up at him, he would eat you alive. you paused momentarily, weighing out your options of whether you even wanted to entertain this conversation with him or just cut him dead.

there was no way in hell that you were letting yourself fall back down this slippery slope again, so just like before, you abruptly got up and out of the hot tub, reached for your towel and made your way back inside, without sparing him a glance, keeping your eyes trained to the floor, leaving chris once again, to watch you walk away from him, and all the same, he didnt try to stop you.

"nick open the fucking door!" you whispered loudly. no reply.

resting your forehead against the door, you mentally cursed yourself for even going in the hot tub. you should have stayed in bed and this whole situation would be avoided, chris too. speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"what are you doing?" he stood just beside you with a questioning look on his face.

you huffed, pulling your head back and looking up at him.

"nick locked the door" you sounded so defeated it made his heart beat a little harder in his chest.

"you can come sleep with me, ill take the floor i dont mind" he motioned his head towards his designated bedroom while keeping his eyes trained to yours.

you dropped your head and sighed. how was this happening. you had spent months walking on egg shells, doing everything in your power to stay as far away from him as you could, and now you were forcing him out of his bed so you could sleep there.

he stared at you waiting for your answer. he knew you had no other option, you couldnt sleep on the couch with matt and you were also stood in a wet bikini and a wet towel. be realistic y/n.

"sure, okay" you looked up at him, and his eyes gained a fraction of hope momentarily, before he nodded and started leading you to his room. this was going to be a long night.

"um, i dont.." you paused and cleared your throat. "i dont have anything to wear" chris looked up at you from his position on the bed before his eyes trailed over your body, stood in a towel in the bathroom doorway shifting on your feet, looking like a nervous little girl.

you cleared your throat again, snapping chris out of whatever trance he had gotten into. he stood up and walked over to the dresser at the end of the bed, pulling out one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, before padding over to you and handing them over.

"thanks" you smiled.

"no problem" he replied, watching you turn back into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face and leaning against it, you werent sure if this was going to work, your left control was wearing thin.

how had it ended up like this? you tried so hard to have some composure but you couldnt help it, he was shirtless, clad in grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, basically inviting you to jump straight on him.

his lips trailed down your neck as his hands ran up your sides, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his after 3 months of complete torture without it.

he brought his lips back up to meet your in a hot and heavy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing, the works. frantic hands gripping his hair relentlessly, pulling groans from his mouth.

chris brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and separating the kiss, before diving back in and sucking purple marks into your neck and collarbones, earning breathy whines from you.

there was a moment of hesitation from you as he trailed his hands lower fiddling with the waistband of his boxers that you were wearing.

"chris wait" he halted his movements and brought his face up to yours. god he was making this so hard. he was breathing heavy and his hair was messy from your curious hands, his chain dangling between the two of you.

"we shouldnt be doing this" you shook your head, eyes wide.

"why y/n?" he asked breathlessly.

"because chris" you whined. he knew exactly why. all your hard work of keeping your distance from him had just been thrown into a sweltering ball of gasoline and chris had completely set it alight.

"call it closure" he whispered. he could see the inner turmoil you were facing. you knew you were about to give in, and judging by the smirk growing on his face, so did he.

you pulled his face down to yours again and he hummed into the kiss, the feeling of your lips on his being something no drug could ever amount to.

he continues his trail down your body, leaving wet hot kisses in his trail, keeping his eyes glued to yours. he was dragging this out, savouring the blaze of your touch.

"chris please" you whined.

"what baby? tell me what you want" he spoke in-between leaving kisses on your stomach and thighs.

"just fuck me" that was all he needed to hear before he was yanking your shorts down and doing the same with his own pants and boxers. he was on his knees between your legs, pumping his cock in his hand, eyes wondering over your frame hungrily.

"so pretty" he muttered before brining his lips to yours again and pushing his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size before he was pulling all the way out and slamming back in over and over again. you were already a mess underneath him, mewling and moaning like you would never get the chance again.

"missed you so much baby, so fucking much" chris grunted in-between thrusts before peppering light kisses down the side of your face and neck. you just whined at his words.

his pace was relentless and your hands flew to his back, dragging your nails down his skin, pulling a low "fuck" from chriss lips.

"so good to me y/n, cant believe i ever fucking let you go" he said as he stilled his thrusts and pulled back, sitting on his knees and lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders, and continuing his thrusts.

you let out a lewd moan at the new angle, hands gripping the bed sheets as chris arms wrapped around your thighs, drilling his cock into you so deep, hitting that spot inside that made you see stars.

"oh fuck chris dont stop" you mewled, letting your head fall back.

his pace became impossibly faster, every single thrust knocking the air out of your lungs.

you were pulsating around him, your high getting closer and closer. chris dropped your legs and doubled over, shoving his head into the crook of your neck with a deep groan.

"fuck y/n i can feel you squeezing me" his words were strangled and breathless. he brought his lips to yours once again but the pleasure was so good and you were so close you couldnt keep up with him, chris noticed this and smirked against your mouth.

"come on sweet girl, give it to me, come all over my cock" he said as he brought his thumb down to rub hard, fast circles over your puffy clit making your back arch even further off the bed.

you let out a strangled moan of his name before being launched into a pool of complete, white ecstasy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his thrusts did not falter as he sat up watching you ride out your orgasm with hooded eyes.

“you look so pretty like this ma”

he wasnt far behind, his hips stuttered before he let out a loud whine, followed by a hiss and a string of curses, painting your insides white, sending a few more thrusts, filling you to the brim, before collapsing on top of you.

the two of you were sweating and panting, both completely silent, just relishing in the feeling of the post sex haze. your hands come up to his hair and you ran your fingers through it soothingly.

he planted a soft kiss to your collarbone before bringing his face up so he was eye level with you. his eyes trailed over your face, creating a memory and he took a deep breath in before speaking.

"i do love you”.

_______________________________________________

YALL😛😛😛😛

sorry for starving you guys i’ve just been mad busy but i’m back !!!! love u. bee ❤️‍🩹

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattslolita @flowerxbunnie @lovingsturniolo @its-jennarose @ermdontmindthisaccount @secret-sturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @justaslvttygirl @urfavstromboli @chrisfavoritepepsi @kenleighsbl0g @udonotknowme

[kissitbttr]

frat!miggy headcannons !!

frat!miguel masterlist

—

sfw !!

frat!miguel is the type to giggle and kick his feet up in the air when you tell him simple things like ‘i am so proud of you, baby’ or ‘look at how handsome you are, my big boy!’

frat!miguel gets jealous of small things. your fictional crushes. your girlfriends. your pet. your back spotter in the cheerleading team. gloria.

frat!miguel is also protective. very. to an extent where even you’re only standing five feet away from him at a party, his eyes will be locked in on you. arms crossed, nodding along to whatever his friend is saying in front of him. smiling like a lovesick puppy when he sees you laugh.

frat!miguel who would in seconds, kneel to tie your shoes when they see them undone. you don’t even have to ask.

frat!miguel plugs into his laptop, spending hours on his free time to look up cheerleading sports when both of you started dating. learning about the rules, routines, physical training, winning teams, tumblings, pyramids, etc. why, you ask? no idea.

frat!miguel is your own personal scary dog privilege. there is nothing about this man a golden retriever. especially at the gym. since you love wearing tight shorts and sports bra on leg days, he would stand a few feet apart behind. glaring to those who stares at his girlfriend’s juicy butt.

frat!miguel brings you flowers every weekend and send ones for your mother too. every once a week he goes out to play ball with your dad too. the man is surprised at how well your dad could throw.

frat!miguel who keeps stashes of condoms in his ‘special’ drawer since you stay over almost every day at the frat house. he figures that it’s better to be prepared than nothing. when really, he’s just one horny motherfucker.

frat!miguel who is so damn clingy that you have no clue on how to deal with it anymore. you could send this man a text of ‘bye, talk to you later, baby’ because you’re leaving for practice and he would spam you with

my miggy<3 : what? no!

my miggy<3 : wdym bye?!

my miggy<3 : princesa please don’t leave me!!!

my miggy<3 : i’d die💔💔💔

my miggy<3 : omg pleasepleaseplease come back

my miggy<3 : so you’re just going to let me die:(

frat!miguel who spends almost his entire junior and senior being fawned and gushed by other girls that he didn’t even think for a second to actually try. but for you? ask him to get you the moon, and he gives you saturn

frat!miguel asks you one day if he could be your boyfriend. not the other way around. not ‘can you be my girlfriend?’ because he’s threading lightly and he needs your permission

—

nsfw !!

frat!miguel is a large, large, man. he’s jacked bro. 6’9 and built like a damn linebacker. he’s big down there too, so it did take some time for you to get used to his size

frat!miguel loves fucking you. to no end. his stamina could go on for hours and he’s lucky enough to have you as his perfect match. ‘always fuck like damn rabbits’ is a review from glen

frat!miguel doesn’t care about whereabouts. if he’s horny and needed you, then you better get to it! (but of course, only if you’re comfortable)

frat!miguel prefers taking you from behind, he loooves seeing your ass bounce against him. it makes him lose his mind. guaranteed that it would be hard enough for him to last

frat!miguel is a sucker for eating your pussy. day and night, this man could have it for his five course meal. he loves it when you’re sitting on a chair, legs spread and tucked upwards while he’s just on his knees lapping at your cunt

frat!miguel loves having control but even more when you’re in charge. bouncing on his dick, not allowing him to touch you while rather just let him watch your tight pussy swallowing his cock.

frat!miguel gets off to your moans. they’re like music to his ears. how could one be so angelic and pornographic at the same time, shits crazy.

frat!miguel who has a breeding kink. he would go on about how he’s willing to knock you up during fucking, whispering in your ear that he’s going to put a baby in you.

frat!miguel is obsessed with your mouth. the head you give is top notch. you could do so much shit with your tongue around his cock than half of the girls he had before with their hands.

frat!miguel who’s lock-screen wallpaper is a selfie of you in the shower. hair wet, one arm covering your tits, puckered lips and doe eyes at the camera. head tilting to the side. it’s one you sent when he had texted you ‘what’s my girl doing today?’ during football practice. you look so damn cute and sexy, he just had to do it.

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 (𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧) 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

( dialogue prompts taken from episodes 5 & 6 ( "eat at baratie!" & "the chef and the chore boy" ) of the netflix live action one piece series. feel free to edit and change as you seem fit. )

❛ how about we sail away as fast as we can? ❜

❛ about the battle, you wanna talk about it? ❜

❛ there's something on the breeze. smells like butter. soy sauce. and meat. ❜

❛ think he has brain damage? ❜

❛ i smell food, which means that there's someone somewhere cooking. ❜

❛ what's a... baratie? ❜

❛ let's eat! ❜

❛ you'll have to excuse them. they're idiots. ❜

❛ wanna take this outside? ❜

❛ are you asking me to dance? 'cause i kind of had my eye on that blonde at table eight. ❜

❛ i call it a true bluefin sauté. it's elephant tuna, seared asparagus, in a sweet soy reduction. ❜

❛ if i gotta sling one more prime rib medium-well, i am going to drop dead of boredom, you old shitbag! ❜

❛ this ain't gonna be a fight. i'm just going to kill him. ❜

❛ hi, welcome to our shitty restaurant where the only thing worse than the ambience is the food. ❜

❛ one of our signature cocktails to help you choke down your meal? ❜

❛ apologies, madam, i didn't see you there. ❜

❛ something wrong with your eye? ❜

❛ just blinded by your beauty. ❜

❛ nami's got a boyfriend. ❜

❛ did i catch you in the middle of something? ❜

❛ just killing some time. ❜

❛ who's the quarry? ❜

❛ doesn't sound like much of a challenge. ❜

❛ why are you after me? ❜

❛ you woke me from my nap. ❜

❛ i can't eat another bite. but it's so good. ❜

❛ who the hell is monkey d. luffy? ❜

❛ i don't even think there's liquor in this. it tastes just like candy. ❜

❛ who's ready for another drink? my treat. ❜

❛ i don't really do regret. no point in looking back. ❜

❛ sometimes, when i try to look ahead, all i see is back. ❜

❛ you know, you're a really good cook. ❜

❛ if a man is hungry, i feed him. ❜

❛ what are you carrying around that's so heavy? ❜

❛ i bet i know more about you than you do about me. ❜

❛ i guess something about you, you drink. you guess something about me, i drink.❜

❛ i have business with your captain. if you know what's good for you, you'll hand him over. ❜

❛ i've been following your career since i was a child. it's an honor to finally meet you, sir. which is why it pains me to inform you that tomorrow... you're going to die. ❜

❛ accept my challenge. you'll see how serious i am. ❜

❛ you want me to say you're the best? you're the best. okay? ❜

❛ you're the best i've ever seen, but you are not better than him. ❜

❛ why do you give a shit? ❜

❛ because you're my friend, you idiot. ❜

❛ you said it yourself. you don't have any friends. ❜

❛ what is that? i'm here for a sword fight. ❜

❛ i don't hunt rabbits with a cannon. ❜

❛ you're brave. i'll give you that. ❜

❛ wounds on the back are a swordsman's greatest shame. ❜

❛ this world could use a few more wild cards. ❜

❛ it's too soon for you to die. grow strong and come find me. i'll be waiting. ❜

❛ you could never fail me. ❜

❛ look, i'm not gonna lie to you. he's lost a lot of blood. it might be too late for him. but it might not be. ❜

❛ he's got one foot in each world right now, caught between life and death. you have to find a way to keep him tethered to our world. ❜

❛ nice of you to announce yourself. ❜

❛ i don't take orders. not even from the likes of you. ❜

❛ what's the matter? don't like fish? ❜

❛ if you don't want the fish, i got two-inch t-bones in the kitchen. or maybe you're in the mood for saffron risotto? ❜

❛ i can make anything. just tell me what you want. ❜

❛ being a captain, it's the toughest job in the world, okay? ❜

❛ how'd you two meet? were you on his crew or something? ❜

❛ oregano's for savages! ❜

❛ you've got a sharp tongue on you, boy. how about i cut it out and fry it up with some pig fat? ❜

❛ do what you want, but i'm not gonna die here. ❜

❛ they're all dead, except for us. ❜

❛ you ate it? you ate your own leg? ❜

❛ you don't even know me. why would you do that for a stranger? ❜

❛ so i'm gonna need you to live on. and i'm gonna need you to fulfill that dream... for both of us. ❜

❛ have any idea what that's like? having someone lose a limb to save your life? ❜

❛ sometimes, when you are in charge, you have to make the tough decisions. ❜

❛ i'd do anything to save him. anything. except stand in the way of his dream. ❜

❛ isn't there something that you want? something more than anything else in this world? ❜

❛ not everyone gets to follow their dreams. ❜

❛ did you not hear what i just said? they are hunting you. we need to run. ❜

❛ i can't let innocent people get hurt because of me. ❜

❛ i hear you're looking for me. ❜

❛ so this is the pirate i've heard so much about? ❜

❛ do you know who i am, boy? ❜

❛ how'd you even know how to find me? ❜

❛ if you bow down to me, i might even let you serve in my kingdom. ❜

❛ i don't bow down to any man. ❜

❛ i told you in the bar i didn't have any friends, but the truth is, i couldn't let myself have them... because i always end up hurting the people closest to me. ❜

❛ why waste your time killing a devil fruit eater? let the sea do it for you. ❜

❛ what is your problem? ❜

❛ me? i'm fine. you're the one with the problem. ❜

❛ you're not gonna be anything, not if you stay here. ❜

❛ it's not like i can just leave. ❜

❛ don't you get it? it's one thing to have a dream. it's another to go after it. ❜

❛ you want my permission? you got it. ❜

❛ i didn't know what to say before, but i know what to say now, and it's so simple. i need you. ❜

❛ you gonna keep talking, or let me get some sleep? ❜

❛ i vow to stand by your side from now until the end. ❜

❛ you're my captain, and i'm your first mate. ❜

❛ heard you guys need a cook. ❜

❛ why are we bringing the waiter? ❜

❛ you keep your feet dry. ❜

❛ you know, all these years, living under your shitty roof, cooking at your shitty restaurant... i owe you my life! ❜

❛ thank you for putting up with my shit all these years, old man. ❜

❛ i'll never forget you! ❜

[ladykissingfish]

*in the afterlife, after Deidara’s death*

Sasori: *sarcastically slow-clapping upon seeing Dei* Well done, brat. Excellent. A fantastic visual treat, and not at all the pointless and painfully predictable death that literally everyone in the Akatsuki had pegged for you since the day we met you.

Deidara, scowling: Oh, shut up, Danna! At least I didn’t go out like some pussy, losing to an old woman and a teenaged girl!

Sasori: Hey, I LET them take me out. I figured it was better than listening to even one more second of you spouting off your insanely incorrect artistic rhetoric.

Deidara: Don’t sit here and pretend that you weren’t after me like a dog hunting a rabbit, you goddamned pervert, hm! And you know what? MY death actually ACCOMPLISHED something! Thanks to me, there’s one less Uchiha in the world!

Sasori: *laughing* Oh? Really? You mean Itachi’s little brother? *moves his head side to side in an exaggerated manner* Mmm, don’t SEE him anywhere. Maybe because he LIVED.

Deidara: Impossible! That was the strongest explosion in my arsenal! There’s no way he wasn’t taken out by the blast!!

Sasori: *snorts* Sure, alright. “Art is an explosion” my ass.

Deidara: Oi, piss off, old man! You think your art was so great?! That stupid body of yours you bragged up and down as being “indestructible” and it turns out you designed yourself with your weakest point as a ridiculous bullseye right in the center of your chest! Any idiot with half a brain and one eye open could have hit that shit!

Sasori: You goddamned brat, I should —

*Kakuzu, standing nearby and watching*

Kakuzu, to himself: Well, so much as my shot for having a peaceful afterlife. But still ... I guess I can't complain. Hidan being stuck in that hole on earth means I won't ever have to --

*from behind him*

Hidan: Oi, fucker, so it turns out I CAN die after all. *runs to Kakuzu and throws his arms around him* Did you miss me?! I bet your gay ass missed me a LOT! Anyway what's to eat in this shithole? I'm starving!

Kakuzu:

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: Reason with the Mad Mage & Diplomacy with Elves

Note: everything from here on is retroactive/reread, because I stayed up until about 6am on Wednesday night reading until the end because that was the only way to ensure that the characters would be okay.

.

Hey look, now our protagonists are the food, instead of running around holding cooking implements! I'm sure that's fine!! (Look at that lion's eyes!!!)

.

I really like how...everyone? In the pasty gets at least 1 fight where they're totally on their own, for whatever reason: Laios with the living armor and again now with all the dragons, Chilchuck with the mimic, Izutsumi with the succubi, Marcille with the rabbits... I note that the reasons for it are escalating:

Laios fought the armor-captain alone as a strategic choice, while the rest of the party distracted the rest of the armor in the other room

Chilchuck fought the mimic alone because the rest of the party was asleep down the hall

Izutsumi fought the succubi alone because the rest of the party was already down, though not yet dead

Marcille fought the rabbits alone because most of the party was dead and Izutsumi had fled

Laios fights the dragons AND the Mad Mage directing them alone because the entire rest of the party is dead

Solid writing, that. And Senshi...has a monster that is His To Fight, that is where we got some special Senshi character exploration, but the whole point of it was that Senshi, who had been alone for so long, now had people reaching out to hold him, and to make food for him.

.

I just like when they say things outright. "Meals are an act of optimism." "Only the dead don't eat." Fuck yeah!

.

EYES EYES EYES EYES EYES. Thinking a lot here about that post about how Thistle is a great example of an antagonist who is really truly too far gone to "talk it out" with. His intentions ARE good, and Laios sees that so Laios tries... and Thistle is also trying, it's just...the demon has been playing on him for too long with too much skill.

.

He's so! Earnest! And young! It's implied that he dies in the end, and I do think that's a narratively solid and restful ending for him, but man I want this kid to live and maybe covertly tag along with Mithrun on exploring the risen kingdom and defending it from random monsters, and re-learning how to have healthy desires. I think it'd be good for both of them, and also, potentially very funny.

.

me, 2 posts ago:

me, now: Ah, yes, that makes sense... Not our heroes but Someone sure is.

.

Fucking love multiple consecutive dungeon lords going, "my last wish is to fuck that guy up."

.

They're just...happy...

.

Love love love Chilchuck taking charge when Laios isn't there, especially in the context of "imminent tense 'diplomatic' meeting." He formed a union! He's good at this shit, and he'd be even better at it if he didn't have the handicap of being disrespected as a halffoot, and it's wonderful to see him with a team that has learned to respect him beyond that prejudice!

Also, Senshi's tiny eye wrinkle of determination <3

.

Never mind my previous comment. Chilchuck is never allowed to do diplomatic relations with the elves ever again.

.

Kabru, internally: oh my god we're all going to die

.

I'm just noting Ms. fresh-faced aristocratic scion and the handful of extremely competent, notch-eared criminals she's in charge of... The structure of this lead group of Canaries is very interesting, because Mithtrun is nominally in charge, and he genuinely does command in combat and other matters focused on immediate dungeon lord-hunting. But he's ONLY focussed on that, so Pattindol is clearly accustomed to taking the lead in situations with more social nuance... And the criminal members make decisions on their own such as to take advantage of Mithrun's typical disappearance to go snoop around this house... But they are accustomed, and I'm sure required, to have permission/orders from a guard to use their black magic specialties, see: the enchantment of Laios, Chilchuck & Senshi here, or in their opening mushroom fight when everyone was shouting out how they could kill the mega-mushroom.

...I'm gonna pay attention to how Pattindol and Flamela [I hope I'm getting these names right] interact later. The Canaries are such an interesting paramilitary unit.

.

This is just a screencap of Kabru's life for the rest of his life. Good luck, Mr. Future Royal Advisor!

.

Every good adventure story, and arguably every good story, period, reaches a point where to explain it makes you sound COMPLETELY insane - sometimes even with the context of the rest of the story up to that point. This...is very much that point.

I love that point so much.

.

It's unreasonably stressful that Kabru's hands are obviously magically, invisibly handcuffed this entire scene. It's a metaphor for how he's handcuffed by the general threat the Canaries represent, of course, making him unable to warn Laios of the dangers of both the Canaries and of the demon. Being able to weird a sword would do nothing to help if it's going well or if it all goes wrong. But it's still stressful! And Laios doesn't know about the dangers just like he doesn't put together that Kabru is invisibly handcuffed!

.

God I love Marcille. And her problem-solving methods.

.

FINALLY, SOME GOOD FUCKING SILENT COMMUNICATION.

.

So! A court magician's daughter clearly outranks an aristocratic scion sent into the Canaries to prove her family's loyalty to the crown. That makes sense.

Unfortunately, Mithrun's single brain cell, while focussed entirely on destroying the demon, is still capable of Insight checks, and the criminals are basically unfazed by the court hierarchy games that Marchille is trying to play.

.

Why does EVERY elf assume that Marcille's great wish would be to be a full elf! I want to drop Elrond on these people and watch him verbally eviscerate them.

Joke's on you, motherfucker! Her greatest wish would (she thinks) serve all people, and has secondary effects that she could still enjoy!

Marcille: [hears Izutsumi lurking, ready to kick Mithrun in the face]

Marcille: Alright, time to tell a bishie to step the fuck off.

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Yuurivoice boys watching a horror movie with their listeners. How would that go, and what movie are they watching?

Horror Movies HC's

Alphonse:

SNACKS ARE TOP PRIORITY!!

He is down to watch any movie but I feel like one he really likes is Jeepers Creepers.

His mom 10000% was a horror movie over and loved that movie.

Al will watch like cheesy ones too like the ones that are super dumb.

Also he's snuggled right up on your side watching the movie.

Seth:

I feel like psychological horror movies fuck with him more so he watches those.

Jessie loved Jason and Freddy Crouger, so when its a horror movie night Seth watched them when he was younger to feel like she was there.

But he would love Midsommar, like the cult shit freaked him tf out. That or Hereditary.

Also pillowfort is a must, bc you need max comfort to watch a good movie.

Has his arm wrapped around you in case you need to hold him!

Charlie:

I feel like Charlie isn't that big of a horror movie fan but he'll watch some with Cas when they want to.

He was deathly afraid of Chucky but now older, when watching it again he makes fun of the people who didn't lick the fuckin doll.

Also loves commenting on stuff, good if you like chatting but if needed shut him up with a kiss.

I feel like he likes watching documentary horror movies like the Blair witch project or As above so below.

Holding your hand and the other one is in a big popcorn bag.

Faust:

I feel like he doesn't like horror movies that much bc he can predict what's gonna happen.

But he also likes the movies that fuck with your head, like Marrowbone.

He likes eating crunchy snacks while watching movies.

He feels bad when he connects everything together and speaks out loud bc it ruins the movie sometimes but unless you ask what he thinks will happen he'll tell you.

Legs are lapped over yours as you share a blanket.

Finn:

LOVES HORROR MOVIES (personal hc) his grandma def made him watch old horror movies to show him classics.

Has old tapes and player so you can watch what he watched when younger.

Gets snacks and makes drinks so you both can enjoy the movie

A nightmare on Elm Street gives me his vibes or even The shining.

Sitting right next to you, he gets really into the movie so if you wanna hold hands or something you gotta do it first.

Auron:

Like Faust can't enjoy horror movies bc he predicts everything.

I feel like he's one of those crazy people that doesn't eat anything while watching a movie.

Prefers to watch movies at home then go to a theater since they just want money, but if you want too he will plan a date at one.

Children of the Corn, Pet Sematary, the Conjuring and RING are horror movies he likes watching.

Likes having your legs on him and you laying your body on him while holding your thigh too.

Lucien:

Will laugh at anyone who dies, also will critique the demon horror movies like Drag me to Hell.

I feel like he likes the horror movies that could happen in real life like the purge.

Makes his own snacks and your bc you both should feast like kings while watching someone die in a hella dumb way.

Since he's only been in the human realm for a while he'll watch anything.

Laying down in the couch slightly, like sitting up enough to eat comfortably, won't care if you lay or sit on him he can handle it.

Jack:

Like Finn he likes older horror movies but will watch new ones too!

I can feel that he might like psychological horror too like The Grass, Get out, The strangers and Rub Rabbit.

I feel like he only eats soft things while watching movies. Also drinks water rather than a flavored drink.

Since Jack is busy with side jobs he makes sure to have one day out of the week to watch moves with you!

Sitting next to you not touching bc he use to watch so many horror moves with Finn growing up. Just like Finn if you wanna hold hands either hold his or tell him!

•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•

I RECOMMEND EVERY MOVIE I SAID HERE! Especially Midsommar bc it's so fuckin freaky. Also the Marrowbone is a good one too! I love horror movies but hate how I predict everything but when I tried printing this one it surprised me with the twist at the end!

Also if there's a movie you think the YV boys would watch comment!

[bonefall]

I'm sitting and looking at somebody's take about the scene of Willow Tail's death

"Clear Sky is fabulous here, and the deaths look karmic. Willow Tail dies blind bc she was so blinded by her wish of revenge she put innocent cats under threat and led to deaths of a medicine cat and an innocent kit. And Wind Runner, who prevented Moth Flight from saving Tiny Branch, lost a life to an injured leg just like he did. Beautiful."

Ig I'll just leave it here like a tribute

"the deaths look karmic" is the only correct thing in this passage. Yes, the writers ARE obsessed with punishing women, gruesomely zooming in on how much pain and suffering they're feeling when those horrible bitches finally get their comeuppance. Glad they can at least recognize torture porn when they see it.

Go one baby step further-- why do the writers keep choosing to frame the women as primarily responsible when Clear Sky is the same violent, egotistical tyrant he always was?

Willow Tail does die blinded-- by Clear Sky. The way he is constantly brutalizing every woman and foreigner in front of him. Just like how he was smacking Moth Flight before he ordered Red Claw to go up into the tree to beat the shit out of Micah and confiscate medicine, because he doesn't care when people die of treatable illness.

But, sure. Sure, it's Willow Tail who caused the death of Micah, when she sees Moth Flight's face sliced open by a known serial murderer and jumps to her defense, and then learns that Red Claw has been ordered to attack a doctor.

For those who haven't read Moth Flight's Vision, btw, Willow Tail is revealed to be the villain all along because she was planting rabbit bones on the border. This made Clear Sky mad because Wind Runner said "make your cats respect the borders YOU invented, bc MY cats didn't eat those rabbits" and she didn't just accept his answer of "nuh uh."

That's why it's totally the WOMEN'S fault that Clear Sky was throwing this tantrum, and not his own. Being offended is a totally valid reason to deny medical treatment and do assault and battery. Why would you ever hold a man in a position of power accountable for his own actions?

Wind Runner also didn't kill Tiny Branch through medical neglect. Clear Sky did. Can't believe I'm still saying this.

HE was the one who prevented Acorn Fur from getting help. He keeps insisting that he never needed Micah or any other foreigner to heal Tiny Branch's ailments. He didn't want Micah when it was a cough, and he didn't want Moth Flight when it was a fox attack.

-Said in the Sap Confiscation Scene

-Said as Tiny Branch is dying, confirming that yes, he DID stop her from getting the help right away.

Wind Runner PROPOSED an embargo at a meeting that SkyClan was absent for, AFTER Clear Sky had already insisted on denying medical treatment to Rocky and got Micah killed. Wind Runner's hypothetical embargo was broken less than a minute later when it's revealed SkyClan was late by several hours because Tiny Branch got attacked by a fox.

Here's how long they're held up by Wind Runner, though. All 214 words, less than a full page in dialogue, of it.

How long would you guess this took? Was everyone here speaking at 0.025 speed? Did someone hit the slow motion button? Were they escaping out of a time bubble?

Why's Shattered Ice never mentioned as killing Tiny Branch, btw? The one who actually did physically hold up Moth Flight (but not the other three Medicine cats, Dappled Pelt, Cloud Spots, and Pebble Heart), even if it was for less than 30 seconds? When he's not even from Wind Runner's Clan? CURIOUS INNIT?

I need to remind you that he was also responsible for preventing Acorn Fur from being fully trained. That was HIS choice. HE closed the border. HE stopped Moth Flight from completing Acorn Fur's training. HE is in the middle of a book-length hissy fit about being told what to do.

And, yet, Moth Flight is held up for less than 5 minutes after Clear Sky forced Acorn Fur to save his son alone until signs of infection set in, and this is all Wind Runner's fault.

So he later kidnaps Moth Flight, expecting Wind Runner to just trust that THIS time he takes a hostage he's not starving them like he did to Jackdaw's Cry, and not launch the two Clans into war. Redemption arc, btw.

And then he gets to be framed like a hero even though he is 100% responsible for every single one of his actions and escalated the situation at every turn. ZERO consequences for him, because him letting his own baby suffer and die was "punishment enough."

The bloodthirsty tyrant, child abuser, woman beater, and known liar was totally justified because It Made Him Sad When Wind Runner Didn't Trust His Word :( This was all actually an evil, scheming woman's fault for planting bunny bones, lol. So she totally deserves getting her eyes ripped out.

At MOST, the narrative considers Wind Runner and Clear Sky "Equally Bad", but only Wind Runner and Willow Tail get personally punished. With death and agony. Surely, SURELY this is not because of writer misogyny? In the Arc of 7 Fridgenings? Perish the thought.

Anyway, glad that I've curated my dash enough to not see that take out there in the wild. Who would even write something so ridiculous, Gray Wing?

[rrking]

I think about Astarion in modern times a lot but just

Kinda ooc this sounded funnier in conversation

I'm currently in a yazoo coma hELP

Going out on one of his late night saunters, he spots some hot Cheetos in the window of an off license

Cool, they're £1.75, he found some shinies for you when he drained some guy in a quiet pub smoking area jingle jingle men always have change in their pockets at the pub🙄

Astarion has seen you eat this particular snack before he thinks, he sort of remembers the red bag after he left you to eat your weight in Cheetos on the sofa

The vampire enters and the shop keeper knows DAMN WELL who this mf is it's the same guy who drained every fucking bird in the vicinity and unintentionally helped his business flourish now there's no pigeons to scavenge from the bin outside Astarion has in fact, won already

The shopkeeper also happens to know all your favourite snacks since you spent many an evening in there buying sweets or crisps (I love the hot wotsit cheetos)

"They seem to like the ones in the red bag." Vague, but to this shop keeper, he knows exactly what the spawn is asking for. He even throws in a plastic bag for free HAHAHA I can't imagine Astarion with a plastic bag I think he would die

Oh, but your face when he presents you with these cheetos. I would probably cry

But then he just buys them on his way home every night until you've got a literal pile of hot cheeto snacks

Pulls out all the shit he's found in people's pockets and lets you shuffle through it. Coins, old pennies, costume jewellery, baccy papers, lighters you have a collection forming which he likes to organise in order of colour

Loves it when he's accidentally found a Peter Rabbit 50p or something and you fuss over it, turning it over excitedly

Shinies become a daily routine because you seem to love his shinies

[with-love-from-hell]

Head-Empty Headcanons

Things they say, think, and do that prove they are a bit air-headed. 

Genre: Headcanons, Comedy

Characters featured: All Obey Me! Characters (yes, even the new ones!)

Whenever Mc is mentioned its unrelated to their gender!

CW: swearing!

A/N: The brain rot is real this morning, and I haven’t done anything super silly in awhile, so here!

Belphegor

The weirdest shit always comes out of his mouth when he’s half awake. 

Will ask the most ridiculous questions when he’s in between naps or when he’s just woken up because his brain is on autopilot, like along the lines of “Do you think pigeons have feelings?” 

Does not look when he crosses the street.

Will literally ask what you said after being annoyed that you asked if he was listening. 

Has drank water while laying down and choked himself. 

Beelzebub

3 balls bopping around his head at all times are Food, Workout, and MC like a game of Pong

Blinks one eye at a time. It’s subtle but he totally does it. 

Has eaten the fortune out of a fortune cookie because he thought that was part of the process of making the fortune come true. 

When told by MC he had to rinse rice before cooking it he asked if he needed to use soap. 

Has eaten whole, raw, potatoes because he thought it would give him protein like eating raw eggs would. 

Asmodeus

He’s pretty; he doesn’t have to be smart.

Once stared frustratingly in the mirror for 15 minutes trying to figure out why the phrase written on his shirt was backwards. 

The first time he dyed his hair, he got mad that it didn’t grow the same color out of his scalp.

Forgets that he owns something and will by numerous duplicates. 

1000% has fallen for MLM scams

Satan

No thought only cat.

You need to watch him like a toddler if you take him to the zoo. He will try to jump into every big cat enclosure. 

Has started fires in his room multiple times because he put candles on top of his books (Seriously dude your room is a fire hazard) but is still clueless as to how it happened.

The first time he saw a racoon he thought it was a rare breed of cat and tried to snuggle it.

Leviathan

Somebody take his screens away. 

Has 100% tried to “Back Space” words when writing physically with pen and paper.

More than once has screamed at a game system for not working when he had just not realized that it was unplugged.

Has definitely run into walls after sitting 2 feet away from his giant TV like a 3 year old. 

Has completely ignored and walked away from people because he is too busy creating a theme music for himself as he’s doing something that he perceives as cool.

Mammon

I think I could never run of ideas for how airheaded this man is, but I’ll go for the abstract ones since there are many that are obvious.

One of those dudes who thinks pee comes out of the vagina. 

Definitely goes down existential rabbit holes because of questions like “Is cereal a soup” or “is a hotdog a sandwich”

Will literally believe anything you tell him if you say it with enough sincerity- even if it’s the most ridiculous thing you could think of. 

100% believes that horror movies like Friday the 13th are based on true events and is convinced that most humans die by serial killers

Lucifer

This man has absolutely done the dumbest shit when he is sleep deprived. 

Will lose things that he is holding in his hands as he’s using them- often it’s his pen or his phone. 

has drank scalding hot coffee because he forgot it was too hot to drink. 

Leaves things in the oven and microwave all the time. Usually Beel finds it and eats it, and he’s none the wiser.

Talks to himself all the time, usually giving reminders to do things or a grocery list, but also will just narrate things. 

 Literally a Golden Retriever.

Diavolo

Holds up his his fingers in an L shape to determine right from left- which never works because he forgets which way an L is supposed to go. 

Will believe pretty much anything you tell him about the human world if you say it with enough conviction.

Constantly doing the most ridiculous things without thinking of the consequences- often times leaving Lucifer or Barbatos to clean up his mess. 

Constantly bothers Mc, Lucifer, and Barbatos when they’re busy- even after just being scolded for being a distraction- because he forgets that they’re doing something and wanted to show them something cool

Barbatos

He’s probably the least ditzy, but even he has his moments.

Walks into the kitchen and forgets why he was going in there. All the time. 

Accidentally goes through all of the Little D’s names before getting the right one- even if he had JUST done the same thing for a different little D

Will step out the door to go somewhere with Lord Diavolo and immediately wonder if he left the Stove on. He will go check, and still wonder if it’s on 5 hours later. 

Mephistopheles

Simp! Simp alert!

Will do anything you tell him if you said “Well, I guess I could go ask Lucifer to do it...” even if its embarrassing or flat-out dangerous lol

Diavolo occupies his brain at all times so he’s often distracted by intense pining for their “friendship” that was totally not a one-way crush. (go listen to “When Somebody Loved Me” from Toy Story 2 lol)

One of those “Um AcTUaLly” bros who is always wrong about the thing they’re correcting you on to an absurd degree. 

Somebody go teach grandpa how to use a computer. 

Simeon

Has definitely given his computer a virus by clicking a popup ad, and also fell for the “Nigerian Prince” emails

“Do you think someone would just go on the internet and tell lies?” 

No seriously he will see some wild conspiracy on Devilgram or Devilbook and be convinced it is real. Lord help him. 

Definitely thinks Boomer memes are funny. Send him a minion, he will laugh his ass off. 

Raphael

Elevator music playing in his brain at all times.

Immediately choses violence as an option every time no matter the circumstances and this is quite literally CANON.

Is always the last to know some secret that isn’t really a secret and is really obvious. 

Will test the sharpness of his spears by jamming them into the ground, and then get mad when he cant yank them back up. 

Luke

Just a poor child trying his best. Someone teach him. 

Probably didn’t know what a chihuahua was when someone first compared him to one but was too embarrassed to admit he didn’t know so he just like. Went with it. Until he found out they are a tiny yippy dog- then he got angy. 

Absolutely believes that babies come from the Stork. 

Thought the “PG” movie rating meant “Pretty Good.”

Solomon

His cooking cant be that bad...can it?

Will throw quite literally anything into a pot when cooking, even if it doesn’t make sense to do so, because he likes to “experiment” 

The first time he sees a fidget spinner he loses his fucking mind. “What is this? It’s spinning! I am in pure bliss!”

Has definitely blown up a classroom at RAD because he snuck in a potion to test out and accidentally dropped it.

Has definitely said some really outdated cringy slang. “Tubular!” “Oh man, so grody!” 

Thirteen

Conspiracy theorist- for sure.

Didn’t believe that Belphie and Beel were twins because they didn’t look alike (she did not know fraternal twins were a thing).

Is convinced that Solomon is an alien. 

Mispronounces words all the time because she rarely talks to others until the exchange program and primarily sees things written (e.g. Fragile as “Fra-gee-lay” and Bologna as “Bow-log-nah”)

Does not test her traps before using them, and gets mad when they don’t work.

[cars2-renaissance]

So I ended up going down a rabbit hole because of this headcanon about Finn being a huge fan of the Beatles. So now I will inflict my own headcanons about it on all of you >:)

.

Finn absolutely loves the Beatles. He will have them playing in the background whenever he can. He finds them soothing and upbeat. Leland absolutely HATES the Beatles. The songs get stuck in his head as soon as he hears one so “it doesn’t matter if you turn it off now, it’s too late!!” Leland is convinced that Finn just knows whenever he finally manages to get a song unstuck from his head because he always plays his damn record again and there goes “Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da” stuck in his head for another 48 hours!

The "fuckin hell" audio in Hey Jude at 2:58 is actually Leland wanting to die after having to listen to this damn song again.

Not me forcing myself to listen to a shit ton of Beatles songs so I can come up with a list of Finns favorite songs....

I relate more to Leland every day.

Finn has a portable turntable that he will bring to stake outs. Leland will glare daggers at him as soon as he hears the record come on.

Finn and Leland have had exactly one falling out over the years and it was over the Beatles. Finn played them one too many times and Leland chucked the turntable out the window of a five story hotel. Finn wouldn't talk to him for a week after that.

Finn gets captured by the enemy again: ah well, at least Leland will save me :)

Leland who has had "Love Me Do" stuck in his head for the past five days: maybe I should just let them kill him this time.

Shit, "Love Me Do" is stuck in MY head. Agghhhgghg

Finn knows all their songs by heart and will mouth along the lyrics. He’ll get some old records and put on Hey Jude with this shit eating grin and Leland is like no plz stop. But Finn is already mouthing along the words and parks himself by Leland's front wheel then starts driving slow circles around him and Leland has to dance with him and he's trying so hard to keep glaring at Finn but aghhhhh

One time Finn and Leland got separated for several months and Leland missed him so much that he contemplated putting on some Beatles songs just so it would feel like Finn was there. He didn’t. But he thought about it. He would not admit this to Finn under fear of death.

I’ll add onto this list whenever I think of more headcaons. Tag which Beatles songs you think are Finn’s favorites :))

[visceravalentines]

threw this little blurb together based on a conversation with @curlytemple about the possibility that Benson meant to kill everyone at Burgersx3 including himself and uh......read at your own fucking risk, man.

tw graphic depiction of homicide, suicide, and animal death. reference to past child abuse. dead dove, do not eat.

in his dreams, they all die.

it plays out pretty much the same at first. he hits Chris in the gut, again, on purpose, again. he can still hear his old man saying "a gut shot's a helluva way to go, kid." sometimes, in the dream, he pulls the trigger again for the mercy kill. sometimes he doesn't.

Hardy's faster in his mind. makes it a little closer to the phone every time, but he gets him. he always gets him, and he always takes half the office down with him, papers and cups and pens and shit all over the floor.

it's funny, when it happened for real, he didn't hear Jess screaming until he was looking right at her, and then it was all he could fucking hear, all he could fucking think about, and she wouldn't fucking stop, and he tried to get her to stop, but what're you gonna do? what's he supposed to do? it's the same in the dream. she isn't screaming until he turns around and then she is and she always was.

he never sees it hit her. the camera of his mind always shifts angles. there's probably something to that but he can't think what and he doesn't really care. all he knows is, the sound her body makes when it hits the ground makes him think of when Ma would sit up late at the table and he'd know it meant the fucker was back in town, and he'd excuse himself to his room and out the window for the evening. easier for everyone that way.

that's all pretty much standard. it's the next part that's weird.

he feels the gun in his hand, hears the break and the hollow plastic clatter of spent shells on the linoleum. he just fucking mopped. he reaches in his pocket for the last two rounds.

once, he looked down and saw something written on one of them in permanent marker or some shit. a B or an R or something. but everybody knows you can't read in dreams, and it only happened the once as far as he can remember.

he walks slow, real slow, dream slow, around the tables until he's facing him head-on. and he's high-def every time. wet cheeks, trembling lips, and those fucking eyes, blue in a way that can't be real. lashes long like a girl's. looking at him with the blind fear of a baby animal too fresh-born to understand but with enough sense to know it's fucking over. enough instinct screaming in the blood to stay still, stay still, don't breathe, stay still.

stay still and let it happen.

stay still until it's over.

don't breathe or you'll never get the fucking smell out of your nostrils.

he tastes bile in his mouth when he pulls the trigger.

he never runs. never even tries. he hits him in the chest, dead center, every time. and he crumples like a beer can under a boot. goes to the ground with this soft, feathery gasp that echoes in his brain. it makes him sick.

he steps forward, stands over him. it takes him way too long to die, way too fucking long. the mess of his chest is seven shades of red. sometimes he can see his heartbeat in the swell and collapse of gore, and that's how he knows he's dreaming. because no man on earth takes a blast of buckshot to the ticker and keeps ticking.

it reminds of the time he hit a rabbit doing 95 on the canal road, vision so blurred he could barely see past the hood of the car. how he slammed on the brakes, skidded to the shoulder, and through the cloud of dust he watched the thing heave and die in the scarlet of his taillights, and he gripped the wheel so hard his fingers hurt the next day and sobbed until his voice went hoarse.

he never cries, in the dreams. never feels regret. never feels much of anything.

he stands and waits. watches the blood bubble helplessly on his lips, the tears coming down in sheets from those eyes. those fucking eyes. looking back at him glazed-over and heavy with an apology. more remorse in those eyes than he's ever felt for anything in his life. and it hollows him out. cleans him right out like a carcass strung up in the yard. empty in the ribs. blood all over the ground.

some of it oughta be his, right?

so he flips the gun, and from the floor he watches him do it, and the funny thing about dreams is that he sees it from both angles at the same time, from his own perspective and from the ground looking up with the light growing cold and faint around the edges.

he nestles the muzzle snug under his chin, back against his throat. you gotta aim it right or you'll miss the brain, blow off your face, and then you'll really wish you were dead. good thing he can see it from both angles. make sure he gets it right the first time.

he's not scared, before he pulls the trigger. for one goddamn glorious moment, he's not scared of anything.

it all goes red when the gun goes off, the red of taillights in the dark, and he never wakes up with the bang. no, he wakes up one...two...three seconds after with every muscle clenched and his tongue clamped between his teeth. and he stares up into the black and waits for it to come back to him. how it really happened. where he is. who he is.

what he's done and what he hasn't.

it's only once he's sure of things that he seeks him out, sends a hand roving through the sheets until it meets the angle of a hip or an elbow. sometimes that's enough. sometimes he won't allow himself more.

sometimes he will. sometimes he needs to. sometimes he rolls to the side and pulls him in under his arm like a teddy bear, shoves his face into the bone of his shoulder and pretends to sleep until the sun comes up.

either way, he spends the rest of the night trying to forget. trying to forget the sound, the screams of a girl or a boy or a rabbit. the smell of blood and gunpowder. the heat of steel against his throat.

the feeling of feeling nothing, nothing at all, when he looks into those eyes, blue in a way that can't be real.

[selineram3421]

Petit Lapin Blanc

Part 3

Part 2

Alastor and Human Child Reader

:Platonic:

Warning! ⚠

⚠ cussing, implied murder, welp-you went through a portal for sure! ⚠

~

You tried to avoid stepping on the cracks as you walked on the sidewalk.

Alastor didn't mind the little game you decided to entertain yourself with and even helped you at times by lifting you up from the ground a bit.

It distracted you long enough that you didn't notice that you had now arrived.

"We're here little one.", the man in red said.

Looking forward, you saw a big building with a hotel sign.

"What does Hazbin mean?", you asked looking up at him and pointing at the building.

"Let's go inside and ask.", he said with a smile and picked you up.

The man in red pushed the double doors open with one hand with enough force that they hit the walls.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your favorite radio host has returned!", he announced and waltzed into the hotel.

"Ah shit.", a grumpy sounding voice said.

Looking over, you saw a cat with wings behind a counter, cleaning a cup with a rag.

"Tsk tsk! Husker, there is a child!", Alastor scolded.

"He said a bad word!", you whispered and covered your rabbit's ears.

Someone else walked into the room and pulled out a spear.

"Oh hell no! Put the child down!", the white haired person yelled out and pointed it at both of you.

"Hn!", you turned away to hide your face, closing your eyes and held the stuffed rabbit tighter.

"Vagatha~"

There was a loud buzzing noise, like the one you hear from the radio.

"You're scaring them.", the red man says and pats your back.

A little bit of time passed before the static sound went away. You peek over your shoulder and see that the lady now had her spear pointing away from you.

"Put. Them. Down.", she said, still looking angry at Alastor.

He sighs and does as told, letting you stand on your own, but you look up at him worriedly.

"I'll have you know that I did not kidnap or harm this child.", he says and fixes his suit.

"Bulls-!", the lady starts but stops herself and takes a deep breath before letting it out. "Ok. Let's say its true. Where did you find them and how did they get here?"

"A very excellent question!", the man in red says cheerfully. "I found this one watching the picture show of a rabbit! However, I do not know how they got here."

She groans and slides her free hand down her face, stopping it just above her mouth. "Fine! Ok, we'll wait for Charlie to get back from brunch with her Mom before figuring all this out.", the lady says waving her hand around.

With your feet still hurting from all the walking you did earlier, you turn to the red man and lift your arms up with a firm and serious face.

"Up!"

The two demon staff jaws drop.

Did this human child want to die? Ordering and demanding the Radio Demon for..uppies?

Breaths were held back as he stared down at the child with a growing smile. Leaning forward with his claws reaching down and-!

He picked the human up like they asked.

Jaws were dropped lower than before.

Did one of the most strongest demons just...obey a child's order?

.

Hank got you out in the morning. Checking over you for any scratches before taking you downstairs for breakfast.

While eating, you heard Mary yelling and then a door slam.

The older man came back into the kitchen. "I'm going to work. I won't be back till five.", he said and pat your head. "If my wife tries anything bad, run to my office."

Office? You thought and turned to ask where it was, but he already left.

Then Mary came back into the room, tugging you out of the chair and outside into the garden. Pushing you onto the ground, tossing a little shovel at your feet along with a packet of pink flowers.

"Go plant my roses.", she glared down at you.

"I don't know how to plant things.", you said looking up at her confused.

She got angry and yelled at you.

Hours later, you were lying in bed trying to go to sleep. The clothes Mary made you wear were uncomfortable. Eventually, your blinking got slower and you closed your eyes.

Creak

Then there was a whisper shout.

"Shh! Shut the fuck up!"

"No one said anything sir.", another voice whispered.

"Not you dumbass, the floor!", the first voice replied. "Damn thing is creaking!"

"Walk along the sides! The middle parts are the creakiest.", a feminine voice said.

You sat up confused, holding your bunny close.

The footsteps were light but they were getting closer to your room. As quietly as you could, you got out of bed and made it look neat before hiding under it.

Keeping your breathing small and low, you watched as your door opened.

"No one's in here.", the second voice you heard said.

"Oh gee, thanks for the obvious Moxxie.", the first voice said. "Come on! We gotta kill that old bitch. She's probably down the hall."

The three walked away, leaving your door open.

Crawling out from under the bed carefully, you carried your stuffed toy to the doorway and remembered what the feminine voice said. Walking on your toes close to the wall, the floor boards didn't creak and you made it to the stairs.

"How do we wanna do this?", the feminine voice asked.

You heard it coming from the door on the other side of the hallway.

"We can lodge something in her throat and call it a day.", said the first voice.

You sat on the stairs, going down little by little.

"That'll look too weird. It has to be something believable.", the second voice said.

Once you got downstairs, the voices weren't that loud anymore and you looked around for Hanks office.

"Aah!", Mary's scream made you jump and run.

The voices upstairs got louder.

Banging and other loud noises had you run into the closest room. It was scary. Before you could hide, you saw a glowing circle appear. Walking over, you put your hand through it. Not feeling anything different, you walked into the new place and looked around.

"Nope.", a new voice said.

Looking over you saw a wolf? With long fur on top of their head. Red where the white is supposed to be in the eyes.

You looked at them for a little bit longer.

"We're back Loonie!", the first voice said.

They were tall, red with white spots and covered in more red stuff, two more red ones came through the same glowing circle.

"Ugh, I can't believe we had to take both of them out.", the second voice said, they had white hair.

One of them spotted you.

"Uh, Blitz?", said the feminine voice, who had black hair.

"I know Millie, you and Moxxie want alone time, but I'll be there watching you guys like always.", the first voice said.

"Sir-!"

"Blitz!", they ran over and turned the taller one's head to face you.

You held your stuffed rabbit closer.

"Oh shit-!",the tall one got a big blue book and ran over to you.

And then everything went dark.

~

What the fuck urban dictionary. That is not what I meant. Read their definition for uppies at your own discretion.

~Seline, the person.

Part 4

Taglist@

@ducky-died-inside @stolas-thebirb @c4rved-pumpk1n @naelys-the-aster @scary-noodlesblog

🐇 ChL | ML for Alastor🎙

[hiemaldesirae]

Swap AU:

Vox's Goetia (we need a name for him...umm because he's where Vox gets the extras for the fight against Heaven; got any ideas?) looks like a Griffin. He's got a Lion lower half and eagle upper half but his colors are shades of blue. (You see why Vox proposed that deal.)

The crew work on defense for days. Vox goes to Lucifer to ask about Angel weaknesses and informs him about Adam's threats against Charlie and the Hotel, and that's how the hotel crew gets informed of angel weaknesses. Lucifer tells, after all why should he keep Heaven's weakness a secret when they're coming for his daughter?

Vox then puts a big order of Angelic steel in for Carmine, paying extra to have it arrive early, which it does so he and Pentious can build turrets and drones to shoot down the exterminators. They have a blast.

Also: fun facts:

Vox's sensors and subconscious relax and recognize Alastor's scent as safe, even though Vox himself cannot smell anything. The sensor's database has recognized certain scents as family (Husk's, Vel's, Val's) lover's/husband's (Alastor's) little sister (Charlie's) my duck loving liege lord who might be my friend too? (Lucifer) the crazy exorcist chick whose now treating me with kid gloves--IT WAS ONE PANIC ATTACK! (Vaggie) Val's weird Spider who keeps taking photos and I know is stealing my shit (Angel Dust) The Best Little Engineer That Could (Sir Pentious) The Engineer's less then steller sidekicks 1-8 (Eggbois) the chick that keeps blowing up the wall (Cherri Bomb)

Angel Dust does do more then steal. He brings in Alastor's cooking to the Hotel, and Vox who does miss homemade jambalaya jumps at the chance to eat it. Vox just devours it. (Of course Angel lied and told him it was set aside for Niffty and Velvette for working so hard. He wasn't going to tell him Alastor had been waiting at the door of V-tower with the large Tupperware bowl with strict instructions that only Vox got what was inside.)

Vox actually turns in early--he'd been stressing out with Adam's threat laying over him and the thought of a true death coming for him hasn't sat well, but the warmth of good food made him sleepy and he goes to bed. He's barely asleep when Alastor joins him, gently petting his rabbit ears and murmuring his undying devotion to sleeping Vox's ears.

uhhh. drawing from the demons of the ars goetia grimoire, seir could work as a name? according to his description, seir can go to any place on earth in a matter of seconds to accomplish the will of the conjurer (possibly explaining how vox can use him for errands and such), and hes not a particularly evil demon. he's also a prince of hell, so that makes his and stolas' relation even closer since there seems to be only 7 of them in the ars goetia grimore

HAHAHA awww bonding time with pentious and vox!!! i still stand by the fact that i think vox should get to say kys to at least ONE other person in the swap au. i simply believe my wife should be allowed to cyberbully whoever he wants <3 also i imagine lucifer would show up to help with fortifications too, no? i just cant see him leaving his daughter and friend alone to deal with the fallout while not leaving the palace... though admittedly, i am a bit biased from what electric mentioned.

me after i die. HE STILL RECOGNIZES AL AS HIS LOVER...... auwgudawgh...... imgonna be SICK. what the HELL did they even fight about because clearly it wasnt enough to keep both of them from pining for each other... AUAUWGAHAH every time you come in my inbox its like another plane (angst( striking the twin towers (my heart)

and i am SUCH a fucking sucker for radiostatics love language being food. the idea that al nabs / has angel nab voxs stuff so that he can stake his claim but he also makes him food.... just stop being cryptic and TELL HIM YOUR SHIT !!! god i hate them. dysfunctional ass toxic couple theyre the WORST. and al. please for the love of god just be a Normal Person and STOP BREAKING INTO VOXS BED AT NIGHt ?!!?!?? just one normal thing from you. god damn its like if he doesnt act like a freak he loses 20 years off his lifespan or something