#EXPECT HIS PLOT RELEVANCE TO ALSO BE LONG

[nexus-nebulae]

ok so like we've spent since easter caring for a little headmate that we hadn't seen in a while. and everybody in the front rotation was a little confused on how to for a bit bc none of us have rlly interacted with children younger than 15. so. for the past three or four days we've gradually had a cohort of 7-11 year old boys from the depths of headspace who haven't fronted in years gathering to all Befriend This Kid like they're just coming out of the woodwork-

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oughta nap but speaking of comparing bsol & xmas holding hands kissing w/tongue drawing on such You Know, At Least Well Enough, What It Is genre conventions & going wild playing w/them but in earnest, the heart of whatever xyz was used to get at is fairly embraced....all i wanna say like obv lo cocodrilo in his element is so xmas villain. 100% this bitch "i am such a bastard >:)" vs "i'm such a dirty little dastard >:)" needs no introduction & is here to tell you to go fuck yourself & maybe that he'll kill you & maybe does kill you & so on. brazen with it & he ain't kidding neither &c

[sillysoliloquyshits]

I watched a few movie reviews on Nezha 2 and one of them on two white guys (iirc) doing a podcast on their surface thoughts on the movie kinda threw me off as one of them said 'one thing that was off-putting to me was a lot of onscreen crying' or something like that. Which is super off-putting to me actually.

I mean what do you mean? Your little brother or mother or wife just died in front of your eyes what do you mean you should not cry and it's not a natural response? Ao Bing cried into his dad at the start as he felt so awful for letting his dad down and his buddy nearly died if he didn't intervene. Ne Zha cried so hard when he saw his parents again because he really thought they were gone. Both kids are three years old for the love of God. And Shen Gong Bao is a literal family man he has a soft spot for his little brother of course when he died trying to escape he had to cry so much and to be honest, I've watched videos of how the animation team spent a long time animating and planning the crying scene for him to ensure it's perfect. The creative team has spent so long to ensure every detail to actually ensure the whole story and every shot and scene will have a lasting emotional impact to touch the audience.

And another thing that's also respectable is how the team and the story in general is very committed to fleshing out the characters and ensuring they are all very relevant to the plot and have their own personal stories in a sequel, which is not often seen nowadays given how hard it is to make a better sequel (but that's another story and post I digress, but anyway-)

What I'm trying to say is that we all need more stories of boys openly crying. The only other movies off the top of my head I can think that has boys openly crying are maybe Coco, or Luca and maybe HTTYD, and I feel Nezha 2 has done a great job in showing the different sides of healthy masculinity, in how it's okay for boys to ugly cry and for dads to be tough on the exterior while also being very caring and gentle to their own sons, and for close brotherhood bonds being a soft side of characters. And it also dispels a stereotype in how Asians are often stoic and not as emotional as westerners, as while a lot of Chinese and Asians are quite stoic, there are plenty of people who see themselves in Ao Bing and Ne Zha and etc.

And I also saw a post earlier on how Ne Zha and Ao Bing defy societal rules and societal expectations respectively, with Ao Bing doing so by being outwardly feminine in looks and being elegant while precise and aggressive in his attacks and still being able to be confident in his self, while Ne Zha has been insecure in his own looks until the end. And personally I feel the movie is a great place for kids and boys especially to learn that masculinity can be anything they can define, like how one can be more confident like Ao Bing even when he's not traditionally masculine, while knowing it's okay to be insecure and that they can overcome judgements in society.

And with their friendship and loyalty to each other (and possibly *cough* *gay* *it's ok if you don't ship them*), it also teaches boys that male friendships can be very close knit where they can be vulnerable to one another, like how Nezha soon learnt to be vulnerable around Ao Bing and how Ao Bing learnt to follow his heart through Ne Zha's influence. Boys can learn from one another and become emotionally stronger together like it's not just a girls thing yay-

So yeah this is another long ramble but tldr again:

Nezha 2 is a fantastic movie on healthy masculinity and we need more movies like this for boys especially to learn that expressing strong emotions are very healthy and essential in being a person. And we need to punch toxic masculinity to death the way Lu Tong and He Tong did at the end to the bald bitch so-

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Realizations

Dad!Simon Ghost Riley x Wife!Reader

Thank you guys so much for 1k, it means the whole world for me because now once did I expect to ever have my page grown this big and not once had I imagined that I would make these many friends here who happened to be so sweet. Also to @connorsui who has been most definitely been waiting the answer to this.

So in honor of 1k, I wrote this long awaited backstory for Ghost and Lovie (Ghostie's parents) that I hope you guys will enjoy since it so happens that our beloved @ave661 has posted another Dad!Ghost render. (Credits to her again for the renders in this post <3) (Sweetie, I love you but that tag on Soap with this render was unnecessary 😭🫶)

To the people who congratulated me, through replies, likes and reblogs, I owe y'all a fat kiss. Mwahhh <333

My CoD Masterlist

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @thesnowurzikdjinn @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @trepaika @starryylies @demidemon09

Warnings/Disclaimers: Stalking (not by Simon), Typical mentions of CoD violence?, Mentions of Simon's past abuse, Creepy guy?? (Not Simon), Mentions of violent and a bit gory descriptions on what wanted to do to the stalker, This is not proofread yet.

With the words of my mother and in true reputation style, Are you ready for it?

I think I need to say this on my account again, English is NOT my first language and all copyrights regarding the plot and some characters within the storyline belong to me. Edit: please help me y'all, I'm losing so much relevance in the span of less than a month, my recent works have gotten nothing and I'm scared that this post proves that. I think I've learned my lesson never to take breaks ever again 😭

Simon never imagined himself in this predicament, always thinking that he'd be out there somewhere, more likely drowning himself in a mission. Not even a home, he thought that if it hadn't for your persuasiveness to interact with him back then then he'd still be back in that shitty apartment complex.

Simon placed his duffle bag on the wood of the porch, the jingling of his keys while he looked for the correct one. He tried his best to make as little noise as possible, it was passed midnight, the last thing he would want was to disturb his wife and daughter from resting.

Hauling the duffle bag in and throwing it on the couch, Simon opt to see what his girls were up to. The giggling and commotion making him smile, you both were supposed to be asleep by now but you were unable to put her to rest because she's just too hyper, so that left you to entertain her by tossing her up and catching her.

"Dada..!" A squeal from the room came, the little one snapping her head to the opening of the door making you look as well, Simon took a peek from the half-way opened door.

Adorable little thing clapping her hands together, pleased that her dad is home while sitting on her mom. She got off, crawling near the edge of the bed with no sense of danger, fortunate for her that her dad is quick with catching her before you could.

You took a deep breath from the shock, looking at your husband and smiling sweetly at him. He asked you not to get off the bed as you were about to, laying next to you he snakes his arm underneath you on your waist and pulls you in.

"I missed my girls.." He said, voice deep and laced with exhaustion, despite that his hold and gaze was the warmest it could be.

"We missed you too Si, so much." You mumbled as your eyes flutter shut to enjoy his touch. You opened them to the sound of a kiss, he kissed the little one's forehead then yours.

Sometimes you vaguely remember the first time he and you met, how it even came to be, this life of domesticity. You, him and your little girl, family is a heavy word for Simon but it was just perfect. This was the family he wanted, the family that he thought he didn't deserve and never would have.

The feeling of coming home to all this started because you were so forgetful, who knew that would be the skill that brought you to him..?

• ──── ✦ ──── •

He emptied his pockets, to the lieutenant's dismay, the box of cigarettes only had one stick left. Since he was going out to smoke it anyway, he might as well get another box from the convenience store nearby. He took his keys from the kitchen counter and headed out, hearing a little commotion that peeked his interest.

Simon never paid much mind to whatever was going on within his apartment building despite the many gossips that were present within the building and the renters. So it happens that the old lady next to his place mentions how they'll be a new tenant in the other apartment next to his.

'Thank God' Simon thought, not that he was particularly religious but he'd been hoping for the longest time for the former renter to leave because let's be honest, who wants to live next to a frat boy with no sense of shame or consideration given that walls are thin? Little did he know he'd be blessed with the next one..

"Oh- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.." Simon hears a voice from a little below him, he'd only register what had happened after the fact. Poor girl carrying this box bumped into him a little too hard, so much so that she stumbled back a bit.

You stared up to the 6'4 man blinking, he only shrugged it off to which you smiled to. You tried to make small talk since you were new and it wouldn't hurt to at least know one person right? After all, you were trying to step out a bit of your comfort zone.

"Hi.. I'm [Name].." He only stared at you for a while and replied, "Simon.." you gave him a warm smile before nodding and continuing to bring the boxes into your new apartment while your new neighbor entered the elevator.

You cut the boxes open to start unpacking, a few minutes in and you decided to go on a short break, you rummaged through the small box of food only to find that the recently bought box of tea was empty. You sighed at this, humming as you remembered the convenience store you passed by earlier on the way to the apartment.

Taking your keys and locking the door behind you, you made your way out the complex and walked a few blocks, you only started to notice how late it was with the streetlights coming on even though the sun is only about to set. That's something to get used to, hmm?

The cool breeze hits your skin as you enter, scent of faint instant coffee and many other kinds of foods and products made themselves known. You walked around for a while, checking on what other things you might need but then you tried to remind yourself that you were saving up and on a budget so you took a box of tea and walked up to the register.

You heard footsteps behind you falling in line, after placing the box on the counter, you searched your pockets for your wallet.

'Shit..!' you cursed yourself out mentally trying not to panic as Simon basically watches you frantically patting your pockets, you left your wallet back at the apartment. "You left your wallet-" Simon stated the obvious, "I'll cover it.." there wasn't even a time to argue with him, he just stepped next to you and placed the pack of cigarettes.

"I'll pay you back as soon as we get back to the apartment" You insisted to which Simon only shrugged and declined, it's just a box of tea and it's not like it'll make him go bankrupt, besides he liked your taste, the one you got happened to be his favorite brand.

Since you were headed in the same place anyway, you and Simon walked back together side by side, however one thing you did find odd was when he gently took you wrist and pulled you inward next to him, he was the one now closest to the road.

The walk back was silent, a comfortable silence. A few days after that encounter, you made sure to make an effort for him to know that you appreciated his gesture back at the convenience store. The lieutenant was alarmed by the knock on his door, opening it to find no person but a tupperware filled with buttery shortbread cookies.

He smiled at how tiny the plastic container looked in his hands, how he noticed the note attached "Thanks for the tea, this isn't that special but I hope you like it -[Name]" and the Sanrio themed stickers stuck onto the lid and on the top part of the tiny note. You ran out of sticky notes..

Simon found himself snacking on those cookies later on, oddly enough, they reminded him of his mom.. how she used to love baking back then, it was her way of escape whenever Simon's "father" wasn't home, as well as gardening.

For the first time in a while Simon "Ghost" Riley let out a smile that wasn't smug or a smirk but a genuine smile, one that had warmth to it, one that no matter how hard his mind tried to surppress it, his body refused to.

It didn't take long for you and Simon to get to know each other a bit, little by little it seemed like you two were becoming like friends rather than just neighbors. Let's be honest, who just randomly gives their neighbors weekly baked goods for the sole reason of "just because they wanted to"?

You found yourself always looking forward to the Friday nights chilling with him at the rooftop, mugs with hot tea on hand while he smoked and you read.

Listening to his stupid jokes and remarks that slowly turn into deep conversations and life things. Simon was just... far more open than he's ever been, sure he's talked about his day before to his comrades but never like this, not in a way where he's pouring his heart out, letting you in on how he feels about certain things.

He just got back from a mission, a rough one to be exact. Shoulders slumped from exhaustion as he walked the streets near the apartment complex, no space for his bike so he had to leave it somewhere private while he fidgeted with it's keys.

Simon swore that he almost jumped out of his own body, first instinct being to push you off but he recognized you. He gave you a questioning look, hands were shaking as you so desperately linked you arm around his.

"Hmm?" He hummed, hearing you mumbling something but it was incoherent to his ears.

"Behind us.. please Si, help..." Come to think if it, you never knew when Simon turned into Si. Best believe he knew and still remembers when perfectly.. not the time, there's a serious threat, he didn't look. He didn't need to, guessing by the heavy footsteps, some creep decided to follow you at this hour.

He slowly slipped his arm away from your grip and snaked it around your waist, pulling you in closer to his side while the two of you continued treading closer to the complex. You closed your eyes for a few seconds at a time hoping it would end.

• ──── ✦ A few days later ✦ ──── •

Knocking, frantic knocking was what Simon heard at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so why the sudden visit? He opened the door and saw you, Simon knew something was off from the look on your face, you looked pale as if you were sick to your stomach while trying so desperately to catch your breath.

"Can I please come in.. Simon..?" You asked in between breaths. You looked around you, especially behind you, body shivering a bit. He took notice of this and had no hesitation, he pulled you in by your arm. His grip firm but gentle, Simon closed the door behind him.

"Remember that guy who was creeping around when I asked for your help..?" You tried to explain but Simon already knew the moment your mouth opened. You had a stalker.. it was best to call the cops on shit like this.

Simon did his best even though not knowing much about how to comfort someone, he did well in making you feel safe without having to tell you that he'll do so, you just know it in your gut that he'd protect you even if it's just now.

Your breath picked up, slowly backing away from the door as you heard footsteps, clenching your fists and hoping that he didn't see you enter Simon's door. Simon wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place and from further backing away from the door.

You felt his palm drag up and down your back, it was extremely warm, it stopped for a while. His arm wrapped around your waist, other hand in your hair pushing your head down a bit so it was buried in his chest while you gripped his shirt. Simon felt your trembling body against him slowly relax.

"Deep breaths, angel.." The nickname he whispered would've made you smile under any other circumstance but not right now, you needed to calm your nerves before you panic and make an impulsive decision that could hurt yourself. Like instructed, you followed along Simon's demonstration, pressing his forehead onto yours maybe just a bit too intimately.

You winced at the loud sound of banging on the door, you knew it too well. Simon shoved the handle of his combat knife in your hand, he told you that if anything were to happen, protect yourself with it.

As soon as the Lieutenant swung the door open, you could hear punches, things knocking over and among other things, your stalker's voice.

You'd never forget that, how pitchy it was. Nails on the chalkboard was the best way to describe it, how the man was cackling almost made you annoyed. Simon called on security and the man was dealt with, you came out from hiding and saw both fear and anger in Simon's eyes.

You would never know how much he wanted to tear that man's heart after skinning him alive for even bringing fear into your eyes.

Simon "I care too much for someone I just met" Riley finally saw how his knuckles and fingernails were caked with blood, went off to go wash it and himself.

Getting back to you after half an hour, you reached out for him only for him to withdraw, you looked at him confused and he looks at you with pure guilt..

Your eyes widened in realization, "Oh Simon.. I'm not scared.." you smiled at him. He reached out a shaky hand to you, hesitating before closing his hand back.

You took his hand in yours, bringing it up to your lips and giving it a small kiss, hoping it calms his nerves. Well it did the opposite, it even more overwhelming for him having you kiss his palm while you look up at him, watching you nudge your face into his palm so invitingly.

The way your lashes just sat perfectly atop your cheeks while you slowly blinked up at him. Pressing the same scarred and calloused hands that almost killed a man that night on your face and rubbing the back with you thumb.

Simon had never felt that much guilt before for hurting someone, only after he saw the look in your eyes, which in turn were not something he caused. For the first time in his life too, Simon was comforted by something or rather someone immensely..

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Dear Raven, do you have any opinion on the Tangled event in terms of it’s “story”? Cause I personally feel that it was rather underwhelming…

I have a lot of thoughts about Wish Lantern, so I'd be more than happy to expand on those here. First of all, I think a lot of us were underwhelmed by this event because we went in with a certain set of expectations. We thought this would be THE Riddle event and hyped ourselves up about how this would further his character development. And technically, the event did do that--even if said development was only relevant for parts 2-7 to 2-13, and the final part, 2-18. I think we just weren't fans of the execution. Rarely are story events contained mostly in a single room--but Wish Lantern was. Rarely are modern Twst story events a mere two episodes long--but Wish Lantern was. Rarely do story events call for characters to just stand around and reenact the exact same things the Disney characters did--but in Wish Lantern, they do. It was just a storm of blandness when I think we were wanting and expecting to explore a new place, and more in-depth exploration of Riddle's complicated relationship with his mother, especially considering we got Wish Lantern right off the tail end of his book 7 dream in the JP server. But we didn't get that, so many people ended up disappointed.

Now, how do I feel about it? Well...

I think I get what they were going for by cramming everyone into the library. The devs were probably trying to show us how claustrophobic and suffocating it is to be trapped inside and stripped of your freedom. They wanted us to feel the same way that Rapunzel did up in her tower, and they did it all without telling us to our faces "doesn't it suck, don't you feel awful about this?" But the problem with this setting is that it also makes for a dull story, especially when you combine it with the fact that Riddle and the others come to the stunningly stupid conclusion that they HAVE to live out the same life the Princess in the Tower did to get out.

We never got an explanation as to why this chain of events was even set off by the lantern to begin with. As a writer myself, this really bothers me :/

We got NRC library lore, but it was not that interesting because this could have been easily guessed, given the age and elite status of the school.

One bit of new lore I thought was very interesting was Jack saying that only a handful of mages are authorized to move humans using magic + there are restrictions on this kind of magic. This fleshes out the magic system of Twst and the laws around its use.

I found it silly that Riddle was the one to suggest that they pretend to be princesses and that this is what would help solve their problem. That's so nonsensical and such a huge leap of logic, I expected it of KALIM, not Riddle. (Maybe you could argue that Riddle has a desire to let his inner child out, but I do not see current day Riddle so overtly expressing that; he has shown time and time again he is uncomfortable going outside the bounds his mother laid for him, and that includes acting in traditionally immature ways.) And not only that, but why did they all insist and automatically invest so much in being princesses, and continue to dig into details about the Princess in the Tower's life, truly believing that reenacting it would get them out of this bind??? I know it's for plot convenience, but it was so contrived. They literally had no proof this would work yet kept acting in ways that implied they genuinely believed it would work. Why wouldn't they just believe "okay, this isn't working" after changing into their new clothes, makeup, and hairdos and try something else? No, instead they just fully dedicated themselves to this reenactment strategy after questioning their assumption maybe once or twice.

The Princess in the Tower is even a FAIRY TALE in the world of Twisted Wonderland. It's not actually a part of their history. The characters point out (at multiple points in the event) how silly the fairy tale is or how little sense it makes. So... that gives them even less reason to believe in reenacting it as their solution.

Shoutout to the part where Jack talks about how tight his shirt is in the chest area (boobs too big, lol) and how he had to alter it to be more comfortable for him...

There were strange parts where the event was like a... poorly written locked room mystery? In a good mystery, the reader is handed all the clues to come to their own conclusions. In a bad mystery, important details are not given to the reader, so there is no feasible way for them to come to their own conclusions until the story tells them that missing crucial information. This happens a few times, with Ace handing Riddle "something he'll need" (which turns out to be a frying pan), Riddle "taking a long time" to jump out of the window (because he was contacting Silver to tell him to bring Vorpal), and Vargas giving them climbing rope (to aid in their escape). We only anticipate these things to occur if you're familiar with Tangled already. If you haven't seen it, you would have NO IDEA what is going to happen with these scenes.

I liked that every NRC character, including staff, got their five minutes in the spotlight. We don't often get events like this, so I appreciate them when they do happen.

Mom!Jamil was so very prominent this event 💀

Jade killed me when he showed up wearing THAT STUPID VARGAS CAMP MONSTER MASK THING.

... Remember what I said earlier about how it's confusing how Riddle, Jack, Deuce, and Kalim are throwing literally their ALL into these hobbies??? Well. Leona comes in and tells them it's inefficient to do that. Why are they trying to play an entire game of chess when moving a single piece is enough to constitute fulfilling the (supposed) requirements? If they were so worried about the time crunch, they should have been more economical with their time and spent the minimum amount on every activity, not spend hours trying to do each one. AGAIN, I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO KINGSCHOLAR... HE IS CORRECT. Of all the characters, I can only really see Riddle being anal about doing everything perfectly, but the other three could easily coast by on the bare minimum.

This is a bit of my book 7 salt spilling over into this event, but I kept having this nagging thought that Riddle and co. (+ Crowley) seem VERY concerned with escaping the library before it rolls over to the next day. Like... I understand why they're worried--but they oddly do not demonstrate this same level of urgency for most of the dream hopping in book 7 even though the stakes are much higher there. It doesn't make sense to me...

The devs got creative with the framing of this event; there was the diagonal slice and then showing two characters in two different locations speaking, as well as the Jamils low fade in + vanish.

The new music tracks were nice; one emulated the Kingdom Dance, and the other was a combination of the instrumentation of When Will My Life Begin and At Last I See The Light, which I appreciated.

The rhythmics/twistunes were cute. Nothing else to add.

I did like the character development we actually got for Riddle—I just wish it came attached to a better event and was executed better. His development is sort of poorly spaced out (especially when compared to Deuce in White Rabbit Fest), the event itself is short, and Riddle doesn’t even bring up his mom until 2-13… when the last part is 2-18.

I still felt that the parallels between Rapunzel and Riddle were sufficiently conveyed; it just requires reading between the lines.

I loved that they made a point to mention that the Princess didn’t know she was kidnapped by a witch because the witch provided all that she could ever want in her tower. Delicious food and lots of things to do… why would she ever go against someone that provided these amenities for her? It is similar to the mindset many abused children have—simply because an abusive guardian provides for them, children are compelled to give them grace and feel guilty about disobeying. These kids don’t realize they are “kidnapped” (under the abusive guardian’s thumb). The same goes for Riddle.

When I think about it… the window is an important symbol for Riddle. The manga more explicitly shows us that Trey and Chenya knocked on Riddle’s window to get his attention. It’s also through the window that Riddle escapes to go play with them. Now, again, a window is his escape, and, learning from past experience, he hesitates to take that route even though it is so easily accessible. I've decided... Never again. Almost made me gasp out loud, honestly. This was the part I expected from the start, and Twst actually delivered.

Another point I feel is very important is how Riddle consistently brings up the rules as a means of depriving himself of basic things like food (because you cannot eat in the library). The others have the be the ones to convince him to take better care of himself. He even has trouble jumping from the window too—and this is the same as Rapunzel. It’s not that they cannot leave the tower. They can leave anytime they like—but they trap themselves in it, psychologically speaking, due to how they’ve been isolated and controlled. That takes real strength and willpower to overcome.

It’s great that Jack, Deuce, and Kalim support Riddle through this tough decision-making, even if they’re blunt about it. (Sometimes bluntness is what he needs to really snap into action!!) “I don’t want to see you turning into a loser that uses the rules as an excuse to not act.”, “Are you planning on staying there forever?” etc.

The ending nicely wraps up Riddle’s little arc. He connects the dots that both he and Rapunzel broke the promises made to their mothers—but it was worth it to see this amazing sight, wasn’t it?

I happen to have my own Wish Lantern rewrite if you're interested in an alternate versio of the event. As it currently is, it's okay to pretty good in the Riddle development scenes alone and has some cute interactions, but everything else surrounding that is pretty bleh.

[hooffuloftootsierolls]

In light of the reveal of Abel's complete design, have this dumb doodle i made on magma a week ago based on an interaction my bsf @plushtoothpanic acted out while we were joking about Vivziepop's lack of diversity(the dog character is his sona).

Also, rant below involving Abel, I don't want this to become a critical blog since Hazbin has held a special place in my heart since 2021, but oh my God I am so sick of the shit that Vivzie is pulling

Making Adam white was already quite a choice, I had a pretty specific vision of a dark-skinned curly-haired man before his face was revealed. Although I had been expecting a biblically-accurate Adam, I didn't mind having him white as long as Eve wasn't made white as well.

Abel's design throws this out the window.

First let's focus on Abel being the child of Adam and Eve. This means Eve is white, and likely also blonde. Historically, the first humans were East/South African, and not white. Ok, well what about biblically? The popular depictions of biblical figures are mainly European interpretations from when Europe adapted the Bible and made all the figures pale, like them. It's more likely that the dark-skinned writers that originally complied stories into the Bible meant for the figures to look more like them. It would make more sense if one or both of them was dark.

Saint Peter is a whole nother' piss drawer that I don't wanna open, but whitewashing an actual human being that existed is just so gross.

Now, the other thing I wanna talk about that talks less about race and more about theories surrounding Abel being blonde... People were already theorizing that maybe one of the kids was Lucifer's spawn because of the implied affair with Eve. It wasn't the most popular theory but now it's making a comeback with the reveal of Abel's complete design.

I dislike this theory(besides the fact that it's just stupid) because

1. Cain is Adam and Eve's firstborn son. Abel is their second. Even if Eve and Lucifer had an affair in Eden, that would result in Cain, not Abel. Also we aren't entirely aware of Lucifer's powers involving entering the living world but I doubt he can canonically go there, or at least not after Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden, since Hell was made as a punishment for him and any mortal that sins and I don't think he would be able to waltz back to Earth that easily. I suppose maybe they could be twins and Cain could just have been the first one born, but I don't think that's usually what "firstborn" implies, or how it's generally interpreted?

2. This is gonna look really bad on Lucifer's part?? Like, this implies that Lilith left Adam for Lucifer, then Lucifer got with Eve(possibly cheating on Lilith if she wasn't aware/didn't consent to the affair) and cucked Adam for a second time???? Lucifer would straight-up be getting the Stolas treatment where they keep making him more and more shitty then try to justify it anyways. Cmon guys.. I wanna be able to cheer for Lucifer too but he doesn't seem remorseful at all for anything he's done, more like he's been playing the victim for a decamillennium despite being a possible cheater and the one who destroyed Adam and Eve's life.

3. How would this be plot-relevant at all?? My closest guess is to make a disconnect from Adam like "oh he was never my ACTUAL father anyways" and also to try and make a bond with Abel and Charlie being blood-related so he would decide to side with her or something. Also on top of that I hate the whole trope of someone suddenly not giving a fuck about the parents who raised them in favor of their biological parents who didn't raise them. It's a dumb trope and if this theory is canon and they pull something like that.... ughh.

yeah. Overall, too many Aryans, pleasepleasepleaseplease pleaseeep please don't make Eve white even though I know they will anyways, and if that stupid theory is true then Lucifer is a snake-tongued, home-wrecking, unfaithful pile of shit that is disguised as a poor depressed dad that the fandom eats up and woobifies. Not that I don't want him to have flaws, but he doesn't seem very sorry for what he did(he has his whole snake and apple motif, that's like saying you feel guilty for a murder then using the hyper-specific murder weapon as your symbol) and also Abel being his son would be such an unnecessary plotline that would make him look soooo so so so so much worse because he wouldn't have much of a wholesome excuse for that.

The only good things I'm getting out of this are that I can post about Abel without having to tag it as leaks and also people are cracking jokes about Abel being the son of Lucifer and Adam

[co-mixed]

Why I hate Reed 

Fantastic Four has a long history of disaster after disaster. Most of the disasters in question were caused by Reed. Bet you didn’t expect me to jump right into it. 

Okay, fine, let’s do an introduction first.

Fantastic Four has been a Reed-centric story since the day he broke ground on Marvel-1 (known at the time as just a rocket) and took his bff, girlfriend, and her tag-along brother on a ride, to the day his arch-enemy took over the world (that was last week). It’s all about Reed and everyone else just happened to get stuck with him. 

I hate Reed. Maybe not as much as Doom does, but it’s close. 

I have my reasons.

If you know Reed well, chances are, you also hate him. If you don’t know him, you’re lucky. If you don’t hate him… keep reading. 

Reed has always been always the intended protagonist of the Fantastic Four. They might have called it a family book but really, you tuned in every month to find out who is bugging Reed and whether he manages to fix everything this time. That’s who he is, he fixes everything. Mostly through the power of science, occasionally by stretching in the most ridiculous way. 

Reed is recognized by CB writers as a hero, not just a hero in a cape and mask sense (he doesn’t even wear those) but the cool-headed, smart guy, the focal point of the team and the narrative. You are supposed to see yourself in him and imitate his approach. 

Everybody cares about him, everybody talks about him, and in those rare moments when he’s presumed dead, everybody mourns him. 

But Reed just isn’t a good person. There are things about him that don’t just fail to align with heroism, they’re plain vile.

He’s a liar

Reed is a liar. It’s not just that he omits relevant details like, say, forgetting to inform the whole team that they are slowly dying, or warning them that he’s keeping a dangerous gate in the basement. This is absolutely a pattern with Reed and instead of getting mad at him, people just accept it as a part of his character. Even if they do get pissed off, they eventually forgive him. Then all of that repeats. To be fair, I probably should be more mad at the dysfunctional family that enables his behavior. 

But it’s still him. The logical path he loves so much to take inevitably leads him to the conclusion that it’s time for yet another lie. He’s not above covering one lie with another, and it comes off almost childish (not in the adorable sense). What I mean is, he is afraid of being judged because he knows what he’s doing is wrong but he simultaneously believes that he is right because he knows better. Again, this comes down to him claiming to be the smartest man on Earth. Which is ridiculous. The smartest man in physics is still the stupidest when it comes to art or magic. And he admits both things himself yet refuses to accept the fact that he knows almost nothing. 

Besides, both his daughter and Lunella are easily smarter than he is. 

He’s a hypocrite 

Reed is a terrible hypocrite. We don’t talk about that often, because the stories that allow you to notice that lie far apart. During the Civil War, he was all happy to serve the government. It is a big part of his life, he’s always been ‘public’ and ‘legitimate’. In the eyes of the law anyway. So when the question of whether or not to register appeared, he made a call for everyone. Happily so, and he went along with punishing everyone who opposed it. Except for his family, of course. It smells awfully similar to the way dictators operate so I guess we should be thankful Reed doesn’t have those ambitions. 

But when the tables turn and Reed has to answer for all he’s done, he believes that he is judged harshly. Of course, it turns out to be a villain’s plot but he never really stops to think how his actions were questionable at best. And he isn’t prepared to take responsibility the same way he expected others to. He thinks it’s unfair. 

He’s a garbage person 

Essentially, the problem is Reed not knowing when to stop. Reed is stubborn, we already know that. He is convinced that he knows what is best for everyone. He believes that his view of the world and how things should be is the correct one. The mathematically correct one, I mean, he did write all those equations on all those walls. This is what eventually led to the Civil War, and this is what eventually led to the Secret Wars. The two most notable events on 616. Reed’s math allegedly allowed him to predict the future, and in that future, he saw Doom. JK but he did see that superheroes will destroy the world if they keep on unchecked. And he did see the possibility of incursions. So he built 42 and threw his friends there. He experimented on Speedball to the point of torture because the government said it was ok. He got together with the Illuminati pre-Secret Wars convinced that they could definitely stop the incursions and they failed. They would’ve gotten everyone killed and, big shocker, the only ones he ended up saving were himself and his family (although Justice finally said “Hell no!’ and his family perished.)

But Reed sure knew what was right.

With that same attitude of knowing what’s best, he stomps around Latveria, trying to liberate it. He returns there every time and every time acts surprised when he discovers that Latverian people don’t want his liberty. They don’t want him, they like Doom. 

I feel like deep down Reed believes that his unique intellect allows him to see things more clearly than any of us mortals. And because of that, everyone should sleep well, putting their trust in him. Whether he invents another doomsday device (and promises not to use it), keeps Ultimate Nullifier in his nightstand, or stores a gate to anywhere in his basement. Everyone is supposed to trust him until turns out that his 3-year-old accidentally opened it. That’s happened a few times and if anything, we should know by now that Reed is anything but trustworthy. 

He never stops to think “Should I?” Because the answer is pretty much always “No.”

He’s an awful husband 

Back in the day, Sue often ended up on the other side of Reed’s outbursts. His smug attitude toward her was always uncomfortable, to say the least. He diminished her and everything she did because he deemed it irrelevant. It barely changed until the writers elevated her almost to his level by making her a doctor of Archaeology. While I appreciate them giving her some interests other than making sandwiches for everyone who resides in the BB, does it mean that they agree with Reed? That everything she did, whether she wanted to be an actress, ran their company, charities, or simply stayed at home with the kids, is not good enough? It makes sense in terms of their shared interests, but the only thing it gives me is doubts about him even loving Sue. Unfortunately, it seems like he sees her as a trophy wife he never could’ve gotten. When he talks about Sue, he often says that he studied her, like she’s an object that fascinates him. This kind of explains why he can’t relate to her, refuses to trust her, and doesn’t always care how his actions would affect her. 

When Sue was Malice, everything she told him was pretty genuine. There is a trope where heroes say the worst things under the influence, yet these things are rooted in reality. And that’s what happened here. 

There was another piece of truth Reed got when Johnny had a fight with Sue (about keeping from him the fact that the whole team’s powers were deteriorating, and their bodies too), he told her “You’re treating me like he treats you!” Reed didn’t react and that was never addressed again. Too bad, we all know that’s true. Reed has no respect for Sue. Even Reed knows that, I just don’t think he gets it. 

Let’s not forget that Sue served him divorce papers. What a time that was.

He’s a terrible father 

He starts out as an oblivious parent who doesn’t really care. As long as the kid can’t speak it’s not his problem, right? Hence multiple babysitters and Franklin spending half of his childhood with Agatha,  in Attilan, and at Alicia’s place. Franklin is a creator, not a scientific one either and that’s something Reed can’t understand. That’s why he’s been having a hard time even connecting to his son. Okay, he might not be the easiest kid to connect to but with the constant neglect he’s experienced, no wonder he feels like a disappointment to everyone. 

Val has a good father, Doom. He’s actually more of a parent to her than Reed, even if she’s the child Reed actually likes. Unless that’s just him being possessive. Just like with Sue (whenever she had her Namor eras) Reed is jealous of Val’s bond with Doom and as soon as he feels like he’s losing her, he gets mildly irritated. That’s exactly it, he’s not even properly furious – he just gets upset and focuses on work. 

Even all the family adventures they went on, or that time after Secret Wars when Reed decided that Ben and Johnny should believe their family is dead (including the kids), couldn’t make up for that. After all, Reed probably spent more time in his mobile lab than with kids. And when he got bored he happily ditched everyone except Frank and Val. So much for calling them all “their kids”. They are better off anyway because Reed doesn’t consider their feelings. At least he treats them like adults, since he doesn’t consider them either. 

He’s unkind and a trash friend

There is no genuine kindness in Reed. It’s almost like he pretends to be a loving husband, parent, and friend. 

Reed has no respect for his family or friends. If he had, he would’ve considered them whenever he made a decision. Again, it comes back to him believing he can’t make a mistake (check how long he’d been agonizing over the first space mission). Yet the vast majority of Reed’s actions vary from mean to straight-up creepy. 

Even the seemingly selfless gesture of turning his team into celebrities was his pathetic plea out of guilt. He never asked any of them whether they even wanted to be famous or heroes. He felt guilty (that’s something, I guess) for turning Ben into The Thing, and complicating things for Sue and Johnny (although, they probably would’ve been fine). 

But that’s a pattern that follows Reed everywhere and everybody ends up getting hurt.

Despite claiming to love his wife and kids, care about his friend, and tolerate Johnny, he is unkind to them. He views and moves them as pawns to where he wants them to be, all the while faking the perfect family man and good friend facade. And that’s the new Reed, the old one barely pretended. 

Let’s face it, Reed and Ben don’t have much in common except the collective trauma of getting powers and fighting Doom. The funny part is, Reed wants to be friends with Doom but Doom sees through his BS (okay, I might be giving props to the dictator here but ain’t he right?)

He’s way too full of himself

The self-proclaimed smartest man on Earth, Reed lives in the world of science. He is obsessed with math and he believes that math will solve everything. Spoiler: it won’t. He knows that, too. When Doom kidnaps his family and locks baby Franklin in Hell, Reed wastes so much time arguing with Strange over his aptitude for magic, that the kid ends up traumatized. For a while Franklin couldn’t tell the difference between Hell and Reality, all because his father couldn’t accept that he doesn’t know everything. 

This is absolutely a pattern with Reed — he doesn’t believe in ghosts, vampires, probably even werewolves. Meanwhile, he knows actual gods and had a witch for a nanny. If anything, this is a sign of stubbornness and that’s one of the worst barriers for wisdom. So good at math he might be, a genius — I don’t think so. That’s not all there is to it, because there are absolutely people smarter than Reed with a more flexible mind. I have to give points to him for recognizing that eventually and forming Future Foundation but he still has ways to go. So far, math has been a source of trouble more often than not. His inventions and his equations that predict the end of everything force him to take the most ridiculous approach in trying to solve problems before they arrive. And if that’s how we see Reed, imagine how irritating it is to Doom. 

And while we’re at it, they might have changed the origin so that Reed’s original calculations weren’t incorrect but that was wrong. The poetic justice of math, the only thing he truly trusted, betraying him, that was beautiful. If only Reed could understand art. 

He’s dull 

Let’s face it, they can rewrite Reed’s history, they can try to make him fun, they can even hire a really good actor to play him, but Reed is incredibly dull. He’s boring and even his family doesn’t pretend he isn’t. He is not charming, has zero charisma, not funny, and really he’s extremely lucky he managed to get Sue to marry him (because with his other bad qualities and lack of charm idk what that was, unfortunate chemistry?) He’s even more lucky Ben was out of other options friend-wise, and Johnny was just around. Otherwise, Reed would’ve died alone which is frankly, what he very much deserves. 

That’s not even half of his misdeeds, just the ones that were on the top of my mind. But trust me, if you spend almost a year reading about this guy, you will likely hate him just as much. 

[bone-and-butterflies]

How to hide plot twists from both your readers and your characters in a way that is not frustrating or annoying.

So I was watching a book review for a book that I liked but both loved and hated some of the plot twists. Of course this got me thinking about plot twists and why they work for both readers and the characters that are falling for these plot twists.

Readers

The key is to control the information that your readers have. Your readers aren't going to consider an option unless (1) that twist is really common for your genre and that reader has read that genre a lot and will therefore be expecting it or (2) you have very obviously given them the specific information nessesary to unintentionally figure out the twist before the characters.

Why does this information stand out, you may be wondering. It is because there is nothing else going on to distract away from a piece of information that can seem meaningless with the right context.

Most of the time, if you're not writing a very specific plot line with a very specific genre, your reader isn't going to immediately know where the plot is going so they may not be looking out for the information relevant to a later plot twist, so as long as you justify an informational choice that explains a later plot twist in a way that covers a variety of basis, they're probably not going to pick up on the one piece you left out, aka what is going to make this twist fun.

This piece of information should be something small and unassuming. It can be magical, but if you're writing fantasy that magic has to be hidden really really well. I find that a plot twist works the best when the piece of information that is missing is something you wouldn't really think about, like the reason a prince was able to infiltrate a prison and hide his identity was because he had his cousin standing in for him and we don't know that this cousin existed and knew the limits of that world's magic (this is actually a plot twist that fooled me btw despite how obvious at sounds now).

A good plot twist that fools the reader relies on twisting the information that the reader has and therefore twisting how they think the story will go.

Midway sidenote: not every plot twist needs to exist to fool both the reader and the character, sometimes it is really fun to watch a character fail because of something inherent to that character.

Characters

Remember how I said sometimes it's really fun to watch a character fail. That only works sometimes.

It is more annoying to figure out a plot twist that is really obvious and then have the character miss it because the author said so.

So how does a writer pull this off?

Be intentional. Have an idea in mind of when you want the reader to figure it out and ask your beta readers when they figured out your plot twists to control that as much as you can.

Your character does not know which genre they're in, so you have to both get inside the character's head and take the reader along with you so they understand why this character is making these poor choices and missing the most obvious villain in the room.

Why would a character miss a plot twist?

They are distracted or delusional. Characters have goals and they may ignore their better judgments to achieve these goals based on their personality. Put more emphasis on your character's motives to hide information that may make plot twists more obvious. Also, your characters may use information about their world to explain their motives and this information may also be vital to understanding a later plot twist

The average person does not go around thinking everybody around them is out to get them especially if those people seem incapable of that through the pov character's ego or the other character's demeanor. If your character has known somebody for a really long time or knows a piece of information that is vital to the worldview they're probably not going to immediately discard it. Fun fact: in the real world, when people have their views disputed, even with very good evidence, it can make them more likely to hold on to that old belief.

Expectation of harm. Different characters have different experiences with shape how bad they think things can get. For example, if a character has never experienced something, they may not know what can lead to that thing. (FYI older characters are more likely to know more things so be careful with this one.)

The Twist

For a twist to work, it must make sense with both real world and in world knowledge as well as common sense, so keep this in mind as you plan.

Conclusion

This isn't comprehensive because good plot twists require a lot of information to make them work and that's makes them very specific. While I would love to explain why different plot twists work, part of them working is them fooling you and hindsight bias is kind of a thing.

Keep writing. If a plot twist just isn't working either scrap it or let it sit until you have the information to build reasons why it should work.

[celestialgallaghers]

Double Dare Ya [18+]

I realize this follows a similar pattern to my last post, but I love the enemies to lovers trope what can I say. The truth or dare trope is also overdone but this is MY fictional story and I make the rules.

Also the title is from the Bikini Kill song, which really has no relevance to the plot but popped into my head when I was trying to think of a name for this.

Part 2

Summary: Your friend introduces you to Noel at a club, and you clash with him almost immediately. You want nothing to do with him, but something about your refusal to fall for his charms piques his interest.

Word count: 7.1k

You were never sure what to expect when Jo invited you out. She was always more outgoing than you, more embedded in the scene, so you’d at least figured it would be a typical night. Loud, chaotic, and full of people who thought themselves far more interesting than they actually were.

What you didn’t expect was Noel Gallagher.

You knew who he was, obviously. Oasis was everywhere. You liked their music well enough, but you never thought you’d come face to face with any of them. Apparently, that was changing tonight.

The club was dimly lit and buzzing with noise when you arrived. Jo spotted some of her friends and immediately dragged you over, squealing as she hugged them. You offered a small wave, recognizing a few faces from previous outings. They weren’t really your crowd. Often fake, too caught up in their own self importance, and quick to look down their noses at anyone not dressed head to toe in designer.

Jo, at least, was genuine. You’d known her forever, watching as she clawed her way up from nothing to a high class career as an event planner. These people had connections, the kind that could make or break her career. So, as much as you disliked them, you kept your mouth shut.

Sliding into the booth beside her, you already felt out of place. You indulged her with these nights out every so often, but they always ended the same. You’d drink more than intended just to tolerate the company. 

“Noel!” Jo cried suddenly. “This is my best friend.”

You turned just in time to see none other than Noel Gallagher approaching, a leggy blonde in tight clothing clinging to his arm. You weren’t quite sure what to make of him. Instinctively, you were wary of fame. It could go either way. Some celebrities turned out to be just regular people, while others were so self important they refused to come down from their high horse. Right now, you were inclined to believe Noel fell into the latter category. 

He barely glanced at you, offering a quick nod of acknowledgment before sliding into the seat across from you. “Alright?”

You nodded back, polite but unenthusiastic. You had no real interest in getting to know him. There was an air of arrogant indifference about him that immediately put you off.

Drinks appeared suddenly, and you gladly grabbed one, taking a long sip. This was going to be a long night. 

As the evening dragged on, you found yourself saying less and less. Not because you were shy, but because you couldn’t relate to the conversation. Industry gossip, name dropping, pointless chatter about who had fallen out with who. It was monotonous.

The blonde Noel was toting around was now perched in his lap, lavishing him with attention. You tried to ignore them, but her incessant (and no doubt fake) giggling cut through any and all conversation, making it impossible. 

Jo and her friends had gone off to dance, and no matter how many times she pouted, you kept turning her down. This left you alone at the booth, spare a few of Noel’s friends at the opposite end and, of course, Noel himself. 

You slid down the booth, making an effort to talk to his friends, but they didn’t really seem interested. Resigning yourself, you leaned back, sipping your drink, half listening to the conversations around you.

At one point, your gaze flickered toward Noel and the blonde, now fiercely locked in a kiss, if you could even call it that. Her hands roamed over him, and she giggled whenever he squeezed her ass. You knew you shouldn’t be watching really, it felt borderline voyeuristic, but there was something fascinating about the sheer display of hedonism that surrounded the “rock star” ethos. Like he was playing a role simply because he could. Because it was easy. 

Suddenly, as if he was sensing your gaze, his eyes opened and locked onto yours. 

Instinct told you to look away, but you refused to let him intimidate you. Unfortunately, your defiance only seemed to amuse him. His kisses slowed as he lazily caressed the blonde’s breast, clearly testing your reaction.

Your lips pressed into a thin line as you drained your drink, rising to get another. When you returned, the blonde was gone. 

“Care to take her place?” The words stopped you in your tracks. You spun to find Noel smirking up at you. He leaned back, spreading his legs expectantly.

You paused, staring at him in disbelief.

“I’ll pass, thanks,” you said dryly, moving to leave. But before you could, he reached out, fingers wrapping gently around your wrist.

Your gaze dropped to where his hand gripped your arm. His thumb was idly brushing against your skin, as if that alone would entice you. A short, bemused laugh escaped you as you yanked your arm free. 

“You really think you can get any woman to fall at your feet on command?”

“Oh I know I can, love,” he said, tilting his head, regarding you with amusement. “Saw you watching us. I know you're interested.” 

His all knowing tone and self satisfied smirk made your blood boil. Despite yourself, warmth crept into your face, but thankfully it was dark enough that he wouldn’t notice. You were starting to wish you hadn’t done that. It had gotten his attention, and now he was running with it. 

You scoffed. “I was only staring because I’ve never seen someone so desperate to prove he’s the archetypical rock star. Do you even know that girl's name?”

He thought for a moment before grinning. “Not the foggiest.”

“My point exactly.” You narrowed your eyes. “You just use women and toss them aside the minute they stop serving a purpose.”

“What can I say?” he said with a shrug, eyes flickering down your body before meeting your gaze again. “Comes with the job title. Sex, drugs, and rock n roll. That’s the package.”

“Yeah, well, you're not as charming as you think, believe it or not,” you shot back, before turning on your heel to find Jo. Dancing was seeming far more appealing than wasting another minute on his arrogance.

Noel watched you go, but you’d made your mark. And he was never one to back down from a challenge. 

Another drink deep, and the atmosphere was starting to suffocate you. You needed fresh air. And a cigarette.

Outside, the night air was sharp against your skin, a welcome contrast to the thick heat of the club. You leaned against the wall, fishing a cigarette from your pack and placing it between your lips. 

You’d just flicked your lighter open when the door swung wide, noise spilling out before it slammed shut again.

“Got one for me?”

You exhaled sharply through your nose. Noel. 

Had he followed you out here? Christ, all you’d wanted was a quiet moment alone.

Glancing at him, you sighed. He stood there, hands stuffed into his jacket pockets, as if he already knew you’d say yes.

“All that money, and you don’t have your own?”

He just shrugged, a smirk ghosting over his lips.

You wanted to lie, to tell him it was your last one so he’d leave you alone, but for some reason, you didn’t. With another sigh, you extended your pack.

“Got a light?” His smirk deepened.

“Jesus, want me to smoke it for you too?” you muttered.

You flicked the lighter open and held the flame out for him. He leaned in, taking his time, inhaling slowly as his gaze flicked up to yours. The brief glow of the flame caught in his eyes, making them seem even brighter, more piercing.

He took another drag, eyes closing as he relished the rush of nicotine. For a fleeting second, he wasn’t Noel Gallagher, just a man taking a quiet drag of a cigarette. Just existing.

Then he opened his mouth again. 

“I meant what I said earlier, y'know. ‘Bout replacing her. Think you’d look good in my lap.”

Irritation flared in your chest. “Have I not made it abundantly clear that I’m not interested?”

He didn’t even blink. “Nah. You’re just stubborn.”

You let out a short, incredulous laugh. “You really do think you’re irresistible, don’t you?”

Noel leaned in slightly, dropping his voice to something low and smooth. “I don’t think, love. I know.”

Then, his gaze dipped lower, a slow, deliberate sweep before flicking back up. It was then you realized your nipples had peaked against your top thanks to the chill in the air.

His smirk turned downright wicked.

“Cold?”

You folded your arms across your chest and shot him a glare. “Oh, piss off.”

He laughed, exhaling smoke, eyes glinting with mischief. “I would, but I’m having too much fun.”

“This is fun to you?”

He took another drag from his cigarette, savoring it before slowly releasing the smoke. “Oh yeah,” he murmured, voice low. “Watching you try to pretend you don’t want me? It’s riveting.” 

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, refusing to give him the satisfaction. “You're deluded if you think this”—you gestured between the two of you—“is me pretending. I’m not interested. You're only here because I’m not giving you what you want.”

He leaned in slightly, voice smooth, teasing. “Maybe,” he admitted. “But I think you're a lot more fun than you let on. Bit of fire under that cool exterior, yeah?”

You met his gaze, a mocking smile tugging at your lips. “Could be. But you’ll never find out.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I’ve got a way of getting to know people, love. You wouldn’t believe the things I can figure out.”

You raised an eyebrow, arms still crossed, tension thick in the space between you. “Is that so? What, you think you’ve cracked the code already?”

He shrugged, taking another drag, eyes never leaving yours. “I think I’m just getting started.” 

He was staring at you in a way that was making your skin prickle and you’d just about had enough. You flicked your cigarette away, crushing it under your heel aggressively. 

“Yeah, well, don’t waste your time,” you spat vehemently. “I wouldn’t touch you in a million years.” 

A few months later, you got a call from Jo, her voice practically buzzing through the receiver.

“Hey! So, listen I have a plus one for this festival, and you’re coming with me.”

You raised an eyebrow, already suspicious. “What festival?”

“The one Oasis is playing at,” she said brightly.

Your stomach turned. You hadn’t seen Noel since that disastrous night out. The one that had confirmed, without a doubt, that he was exactly the pompous asshole the media made him out to be.

“C’mon, it’ll be amazing! Noel invited us.”

You scoffed. “He invited you. If I never see him again, it’ll be too soon.”

Jo groaned. “Why don’t you like him?”

You blinked. Was she serious?

“For starters, he’s an arrogant prick,” you said flatly.

“Oh, come on! If you actually got to know him, you’d see he’s not really like that.”

You let out a short laugh. “And why the hell would I want to do that?”

“Because,” she said, dragging the word out, “I think he likes you.”

You nearly choked. “Likes me? What gave you that idea?”

“He was flirting with you at that club.”

You scoffed again. “Please, that was all an act. He was just lookin’ for a shag.”

“I dunno,” she sing-songed. “He was asking about you after you left.”

You froze for half a second before shaking your head. “You’re delusional. There’s absolutely no way he was being genuine.”

Jo just hummed, like she wasn’t convinced but also wasn’t going to argue. “Okay, whatever you say.”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. Something told you she wasn’t going to drop this.

“So, are you coming or what?”

You hesitated. You did like Oasis. As a band. It was just one particular member you had an issue with. Or, well, maybe two. You hadn’t met Liam yet, and god knows he’d probably be even worse than Noel.

“Fine,” you sighed.

Jo whooped so loudly you had to hold the phone away from your ear.

“This is going to be amazing!”

You exhaled, telling yourself it would be fine. Fun, even. But as you hung up, a weird feeling settled in your stomach.

The festival arrived sooner than you’d expected. You planned to avoid Noel as much as feasibly possible. With thousands of people and dozens of bands, it shouldn’t be difficult. Jo had scored passes, and she practically dragged you through the festival grounds, buzzing with excitement as she led the way to the Oasis tent. They weren’t playing until later, and there were plenty of other artists you actually wanted to see in the meantime.

When you arrived, Noel was already there, leaning against a table, cigarette dangling between his fingers as he spoke to a reporter with an air of bored ease. You lingered at a distance, watching the way he gestured with his hands, flicking his cigarette as he spoke. There was something almost effortless about the way he carried himself. Like he knew the world revolved around him.

The interview wrapped up, and before you could make yourself scarce, his eyes landed on you. Jo had gone to grab drinks, and you cursed the timing. You considered walking away, but that felt too much like surrender.

Noel sauntered over, smirk already in place. “Fancy seeing you here, love.”

“I’m just here with Jo to enjoy the festival,” you said dryly, waving your hand in dismissal. 

His smirk deepened. “Just here to enjoy the festival, eh? You don’t exactly look thrilled to see me.”

You scoffed. “And why would I be?”

Noel chuckled, feigning mock hurt. “Oh, I dunno. Maybe it’s because you’re in my band’s tent. You're welcome, by the way,” he teased. “I knew you'd be back for more.”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. It was time to shut this down. “Y’know this is why I can’t stand you, Noel. You're so full of yourself that it’s nauseating. You walk around like you expect everyone to kiss your ass just ‘cause of who you are,” you snapped. “Get over yourself.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by your outburst, but it didn’t seem to bother him much.

“Sweetheart,” he drawled, “you could hardly keep your eyes off me the last time we were in the same room and you know it.”

You huffed a laugh, shaking your head. “Really? That’s not what I’ve heard. In fact, I think you might be a little obsessed with me.”

Something flickered in his expression, just for a second. “Obsessed with you, huh?” he mused. “I was just tryin’ to show you a good time.”

“I can manage that on my own, thanks,” you shot back, finally turning on your heel. You weren’t sure why you’d even humored him that long. You should’ve walked away ages ago.

The day blurred into music, laughter, and the occasional warm buzz of beer. You and Jo wandered the festival grounds, catching different acts and soaking in the atmosphere. As the sun dipped lower and Oasis’s set time approached, Jo insisted on getting as close as possible. To Noel’s side of the stage, of course.

“I don’t get it,” you mused, genuinely perplexed as you stood beside her. “What do people even see in him?”

Jo laughed, taking a sip of her beer. “You mean aside from the fact that he’s insanely talented, handsome, and successful?”

As if on cue, the crowd erupted as Noel took his place on stage, fingers finding the strings of his guitar with practiced ease.

Jo nudged you. “And he’s got that whole swagger, don’t you think?”

You flicked your eyes toward him. “You call it swagger, I call it annoyingly self absorbed,” you huffed.

Jo chuckled, clearly enjoying herself. “You know, it’s okay to admit you find him attractive,” she teased, giving you a knowing glance. “I see through your little act of indifference.”

You let out a shocked laugh. “All I see when I look at him is a self assured prick.”

“Well, he is a self assured prick, I’ll give you that. But you can at least admit he’s an attractive self assured prick,” she challenged, waggling her brows at you.

You shook your head in disbelief and fixed your gaze elsewhere. The only thing you’d admit about Noel was that he was talented. That was all.

And yet, somehow, your gaze kept drifting back to him.

There was something different about the way he played. He looked completely lost in it, mind, body, and soul poured into his guitar. Sweat dripped down his face as he screwed it up in concentration. It seemed to be the only thing he was truly sincere about.

The way his mouth hung open as he played, fingers moving expertly across the fretboard, eyes slightly lidded. You supposed you could see why people found him attractive.

Not you, though. Obviously.

At some point, you’d wandered off through the festival grounds alone, the distant thump of music vibrating through the soles of your boots. The warm night air carried the scent of damp grass and spilled beer. Several hours had passed, and you figured it was time to head back before Jo started thinking you’d been kidnapped.

When you finally spotted her, she was already grinning. “We were just about to find a quiet spot for a joint. You’re coming,” she declared, grabbing your wrist before you could protest. And, well, you’d never been one to turn down free weed.

Jo dragged you across the field toward Noel and his usual entourage.

“Oi! Found our little lost lamb, did ya?” Noel called out as you approached.

Jo chuckled, plopping down on the grass beside him, where he was leaning back against a log. “Yeah, had to pry her away from some poor crew member she was boring to death,” she teased, nudging you.

Noel smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, she’s a master at boring people, is she?”

You shot him a glare before settling down on the opposite side of Jo.

As the joint made its way around, you felt yourself begin to relax. The music from nearby stages blurred into a distant hum, while the festival lights cast soft glows over your surroundings. You were properly stoned. A lazy smile stayed fixed on your lips as you laughed at whatever ridiculous story was being told. The fact that it was Noel telling it didn’t even bother you. You were too blissed out to care.

Noel, on the other hand, found himself sneaking glances at you. You almost seemed like a different person like this, not as uptight or dismissive. You even met his eyes a few times with a hazy smile instead of a scowl. It was... interesting to say the least.

As the night wore on, the group gradually dwindled until it was just you, Jo, and Noel left. Surprisingly, the Noel sitting here now was different from the one who had tried to lure you in at the club. He wasn’t putting on an act or trying to wind you up, he was just... normal. Cracking jokes, actually making you laugh. You much preferred this version of him, though you weren’t about to let your guard down completely.

Suddenly Jo rose from between you and Noel, dusting off her jeans before moving to sit across from you. There was a mischievous glint in her eye

Noel’s gaze flicked toward her, immediately suspicious. “What’s that look for, eh?” he questioned.

“Oh, nothing,” Jo said innocently, stretching out her legs. “I just figured now was a good time for the two of you to get to know each other. Y’know, so you don’t loathe each other anymore.”

It took a moment for her words to register, the remnants of your high still lingering. You lolled your head toward Noel, trying to gauge his reaction.

Noel raised an eyebrow, amused. “Loathe each other, do we?” His smirk deepened as he held your gaze. “Dunno if I’d go that far.”

Something about his tone made you laugh. You wanted to argue, to tell him just how wrong he was, but the whole situation was too ridiculous.

Your laughter must have been contagious because Noel chuckled too. It was the first time the two of you had laughed together instead of at each other. He leaned back against the log, eyeing you with curiosity. “What’s so funny?” he asked, feigning ignorance.

You didn’t answer. Instead, you reached over and shoved him. Just because. 

Noel toppled over with an exaggerated grunt, landing on his side in the grass. He stared up at you, mock outrage on his face. “Oi! Watch it, you little brute,” he said, a laugh escaping him as he pushed himself upright.

You dissolved into another fit of giggles. At that moment, he was actually entertaining to you.

As Noel brushed stray bits of grass from his clothes, he studied you. There was something about your laugh. It was genuine, unguarded. It wasn’t something that he heard often and he liked it more than he cared to admit.

“Now, now,” Jo piped up, shaking her head. “Violence isn’t the answer.”

You turned back to her, nearly forgetting she was there. What you didn’t notice was Noel still watching you, his expression unreadable.

“So,” you said, “how exactly do you propose we get to know each other?”

Jo grinned. “How about a game?”

You narrowed your eyes. “What kind of game?”

“Hmm… how about truth or dare,” Jo suggested, her smile all too pleased with itself. 

You chuckled dryly before noticing her face. “Oh you’re actually serious.”

“Dead serious.”

You sighed. “Fine. Whatever.” She would badger you until you gave in if you refused.

Noel smirked at your reluctant agreement. “You sure you’re up for this?” he teased.

As you leaned back against the log, you noticed that he’d shifted slightly closer. Not that you were paying attention.

You turned your head, meeting his gaze. “Bring it on, dickhead.”

Noel let out a low chuckle. “Alright. But remember you asked for it.”

Jo clapped her hands together. “Okay, I’ll go first,” she said eagerly, eyes flicking between the two of you. “Truth or dare?” she asked, looking directly at you.

You exhaled, already regretting this. “Truth.”

Jo tapped her chin, pretending to be deep in thought before smirking. “Alright, truth… how do you really feel about Noel?”

You stared at her for a moment, immediately seeing what she was trying to do. Force some kind of truce between you two. Well, you wouldn’t buy into it.

“You already know how I feel,” you said flatly.

“Yes, but do you find him attractive?” Jo pressed.

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. “That’s another question and I do believe that it’s my turn now.”

Jo pouted dramatically. “You’re no fun.”

Noel, who had been watching the exchange intently, let out a quiet chuckle.

You sighed, turning to face him. “Alright, Noel. Truth or dare?”

Noel met your gaze, his eyes narrowing as he tried to gauge your intentions. 

“Dare” he finally said, tone challenging. 

Jo whooped in approval but quickly stifled it with a hand over her mouth.

You tilted your head, considering. Then an idea struck. “I dare you to let Jo punch you in the arm as hard as she can.”

Jo tsked, clearly displeased. 

Noel, however, barely reacted, save for a scoff. “Is that all?” he said lazily, shifting closer to where Jo sat. “Go on, love. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Jo hesitated before throwing a half hearted punch at his arm.

Noel barely flinched. He turned to you with a smug smirk.

“Oh come on you can do better than that,” you scoffed. “Hit him!”

Jo narrowed her eyes at you, then swung again, this time harder. Noel winced slightly, rubbing his arm.

“Happy now?” he asked, moving back against the log.

“Very,” you said with a satisfied smirk. 

“Brat,” he muttered under his breath, still rubbing his arm. “My turn now innit?”

Noel leaned back, glancing at Jo. “Alright, truth or dare?”

Jo grinned. “Dare.”

A slow smirk spread across Noel’s face. “I dare you to leave us alone for ten minutes.”

Your head snapped toward him. Sure, you were slightly more at ease around him now, but that was with the buffer of drugs and Jo. You weren’t sure you wanted to be alone with him again.

“And how is that a good dare?!” you sputtered. 

Noel chuckled. “It’s a perfectly good dare. Right, Jo?”

Jo nodded and stood up. Traitor.

“Mhm, but let me get one last turn first,” she said, looking at you. “Truth or dare?”

You were over this. It felt like you were being toyed with. You ran your fingers through your hair and huffed. “Fine Jo. Dare.”

“I dare you to… kiss Noel. With tongue.” she said before darting away, leaving you stunned. 

Surely she wasn’t serious. 

Kiss him. With tongue. Her words weren’t binding. This was a children's game for christ sake. But something about the thought stirred an unidentifiable feeling in you. 

“I’m sorry but there’s no way I’m doing that” you said, huffing a laugh. 

Absolutely not.

Right?

Noel smirked, but there was something else behind it. Something unreadable. “What, afraid you’ll like it too much?” 

Your eyes narrowed. “Afraid I’ll throw up, more like.”

He chuckled, amused at your outrage. “Or maybe,” he mused, tilting his head, “you’re a terrible kisser and you’re trying to get out of it.” 

You sat up, suddenly offended. “I’ll have you know that I’m a great kisser,” you shot back, voice full of indignation. “I’ve had plenty of positive feedback.”

Noel let out a low chuckle, clearly enjoying how worked up you were. “Is that right?” he murmured, eyes gleaming. “Got any proof of that?”

You faltered for a moment before realizing what he was doing. And worse, you had walked straight into it.

The gears in your brain turned. The thing was, some distant part of you was curious. The tiny, treacherous part that found him alluring.

He did have nice lips. The thought surfaced unbidden, and once it took root, it wouldn’t leave. You tried to shove it away, but curiosity had already won. 

You thought for a moment. If you played this right, you could act like it was all just to prove a point. Nothing more. 

“I’ll show you proof,” you said, voice steady, as you slid closer to him.

“Go on then,” he taunted.

Your eyes flicked down to his lips, then back up to his eyes. A flicker of something crossed his face. Anticipation maybe? You could hardly believe what you were about to do, but inched closer despite yourself. 

He was too close now. Or maybe you were. Either way, the air had shifted, something unsaid crackling between you.

Noel’s breath shallowed. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and you caught yourself tracking the movement before you could stop. You’d never been so close to him before. Now you could see the details. The long lashes, the sharpness of his features, the maddening blue of his eyes. 

He opened his mouth, no doubt to taunt you for taking so long. But before he could get the words out, you surged forward, crashing your lips against his. 

A sharp inhale left his throat, almost a gasp. The sound sent a strange bolt of… something through you.

His lips were warm, softer than you would’ve expected. Your heart rate kicked up, but you reasoned it was just a pavlovian response. You pressed against him, letting the kiss linger a second longer than necessary, just enough to prove your point.

Then your lips grazed a particularly sensitive spot on his mouth and another soft sound, half surprised, half wanting, escaped his throat.

You had to stop this. Now. 

You pulled back just enough to break the kiss, his breath warm against your lips. The world had shrunk to just the two of you.

Noel was leaning in, just slightly, like he was chasing the contact.

For the first time since you’d met him, his expression was completely unguarded. He looked vulnerable. Uncertain. Like he wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened.

It caught you off guard.

You swallowed, forcing composure. “You call that good kissing?” you said, voice steadier than you felt. It was meant to be a taunt, but the usual malice wasn’t there.

Noel let out a bark of laughter. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

A flicker of annoyance, mixed with something else, something darker and more dangerous, ran through you.

“Are you calling me a bad kisser?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” His smirk was back now, arrogant and lazy, like he hadn’t just been thrown by a simple kiss.

You smiled sweetly. “Fine.”

Before you could second guess yourself, you slid your hand over the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair as you yanked him toward you.

He barely had time to react before your lips crashed onto his again, this time with intent.

You pressed in close, your body crowding against his. Your lips slotted together again, starting slow, teasing, but quickly deepening. You weren’t holding back, pouring everything into this kiss, testing him, challenging him as your mouths moved together in a heated fury. You weren’t sure if it was about proving a point or something else entirely now.

Then your tongue slipped into his mouth.

The second they touched, electricity sizzled down your spine, hot and consuming.

He reciprocated with a sigh, and damn it, he was good. Really good. It was maddening. 

He tasted like smoke and something sharp and earthy. Pine, maybe, from the trees surrounding you. Either way, you liked it. Couldn’t get enough of it in fact. 

Your teeth found his bottom lip, biting down just enough to make him gasp before letting go, watching the way it recoiled, swollen and slick. 

The low, ragged sound that tore from his throat sent a shockwave through you.

The way he was reacting was shocking to say the very least. He seemed so… needy. Desperate. A strange tug pulled at something deep inside you. This was a side of him you would’ve never guessed existed. And for some reason, it was coming out here, now, with you. You wanted to see just how far you could push him. 

Then, hands were on your waist. 

You nearly jolted, unused to his touch. But instead of pulling away, you leaned in further, tongues colliding again.

Something was happening between you, something messy and volatile, where your hatred was starting to blur into something far more perverse. You wondered, distantly, how often he found himself in this position. Your guess was not often. Why he was allowing it, you weren’t sure, but you’d take as much as he’d give.

You pulled back slightly, dragging his tongue with you before sucking on it, gentle but firm. His fingers dug into your waist in response, his breath stuttering as a quiet, barely restrained curse slipped past his lips.

That sound. That voice. It sent a rush straight to your head.

Noel Gallagher, reduced to this. Because of you.

The realization sent a thrill through you, equal parts amazement and ego. You wanted, no, needed to see him break.

You leaned back slightly, letting your gaze rake over him. His lips were red and bruised, his face flushed, chest rising and falling too fast. His mouth hung open slightly, like he was still chasing the taste of you.

A sight for sore eyes.

You smirked, reaching up to tilt his head slightly, baring his neck to you.

“So you admit it,” you murmured, your voice lower now. “That I’m the better kisser.”

His breath hitched, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Not a chance,” he shot back, though his words lacked their usual bite, undercut by his uneven breathing.

“Wrong answer,” you whispered deviously, lips barely grazing his skin before you slowly slid a knee against his crotch, smirking when you felt the strain there. 

A sharp gasp tore from his throat, his hips jerking forward instinctively. He tried to recover, to take control, pushing his tongue into your mouth again, but he was slipping. You could feel it.

“Fuck,” he breathed, his grip tightening on your hips.

You placed a slow trail of kisses from the corner of his lips, down the sharp edge of his jaw. When you reached the spot just below his ear, you lingered, pressing an open mouthed kiss there before adding just a little more pressure with your knee.

“How about now?” you whispered against his skin.

His breathing was ragged, coming in short, desperate bursts. He was barely holding it together, his control hanging by a thread.

“Still not… convinced…” he managed, voice hoarse, roughened by something between desire and frustration.

Then you dragged your teeth over the shell of his ear, biting down just enough to make him shudder.

That did it. 

A low, guttural moan escaped from deep in his chest, raw and unfiltered. His hands spasmed on your waist. His resistance was crumbling fast, and you knew there was no coming back from this.

“God… damn it,” he gasped.

Your resolve solidified. He was losing this battle, and you both knew it. And victory tasted so sweet.

You moved lower, lips ghosting over his neck before latching onto his pulse point, sucking just enough to make him curse under his breath.

He was unraveling, coming apart at the seams. His body was reacting vehemently to your touch. Every touch, every shift of your knee, every brush of your lips made him react like a man starved of touch.

He was losing himself in this. In you. And you were loving every second of it.

“Please…” he breathed, voice strained, almost desperate. 

His hips bucked slightly against your knee, his body betraying him, making his need painfully obvious. You were right there with him, but at least you were better at hiding it.

You released him and pulled back, tilting your head. “What? What do you want Noel?” Your voice was innocent. 

His eyes fluttered open, hazy and overwhelmed, his chest rising and falling in rapid bursts. He knew you were taunting him. It frustrated him. Aroused him even more. 

He swallowed hard, voice rough when he finally spoke. “You know damn well what I want.”

You hummed, letting your gaze flick down to the obvious bulge straining against his jeans before slowly dragging your eyes back up to meet his.

“Do I?”

His jaw clenched. “Don’t play dumb,” he rasped. “You just want to hear me say it.”

You arched a brow, waiting. You half expected him to push back, to resist the power play you'd boxed him into.

His stare was dark, unreadable. But after a beat, he exhaled sharply and gave in.

“I want you.”

The words sent something sharp and hot through your stomach. Beneath all of your teasing, you could see how vulnerable you’d made him. Stripped of his usual cocky bravado, left raw. It scared you a little. But it also thrilled you. There was a strange pull in your chest, an unfamiliar urge to give him anything he asked for.

You glanced around, scanning the area. It was dark, secluded enough that no one would see. At least you hoped. You vaguely realized that what you were about to do might be pushing it too far. You couldn't explain this away. 

You’d finally given in to him, but the thing was… he wasn’t that smug, cocky asshole from the alleyway. This felt far more real. You didn’t understand his change in demeanor, but you were liking it far too much to care.

When you looked back at him, he was still watching you, pupils blown, lips swollen, expression so unlike himself that you hesitated for a brief moment just to take it in. 

Then, slowly, deliberately, you reached down and palmed him through his jeans.

“How do you want me?”

A quiet whimper escaped him, his lashes fluttering as his head tipped back. He squeezed his eyes shut, visibly struggling to speak.

“Any way… any way you’ll give me,” he gasped.

His voice, needy, breathless, made your head spin. You had ruined him. Reduced him to this.

“Okay Noel,” you murmured, almost sweetly. 

You kissed him again, swallowing the groan that tore from his throat as you pressed him back against the log. Your legs moved to straddle him, smirking at how hard he was beneath you.

His hands grasped your back, your waist, holding you close.

Your fingers ghosted under his shirt, nails teasing over his skin. He tensed beneath you, a sharp inhale breaking past his lips. You traced the lines of him, teasing your way down to his belt buckle.

The moment your fingers brushed the metal, his hips jerked violently. A choked noise left him, somewhere between a moan and a plea. The sheer desperation in it made you pause, momentarily thrown by how much he was unraveling.

He was barely holding it together. You could feel it in the way he trembled beneath you, in the ragged breaths, in the way his grip on you tightened like a vice.

You couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this responsive to you. And that it was Noel of all people… the thought alone sent heat pooling deep in your gut.

“Jesus” you murmured in near reverence.

His eyes fluttered open, locking onto yours.

“Be gentle with me,” he gasped. “Please.”

Something about the way he said it made your chest tighten. It made you want to comply.

You nodded slightly, drunk on the moment. With careful fingers, you freed him from his jeans, wrapping a tentative hand around him. His head snapped back, eyes squeezing shut as a sharp gasp tore from him. His hips lifted instinctively, thrusting into your palm.

“God,” he panted.

Your stomach clenched. His lips were parted, his face flushed, his entire body wound tight beneath you. He was hot and heavy in your hand. Your head spun as he shifted his hips, twitching in your grip. You tightened your hold, stroking him slowly, using his precum to ease the motion.

His response was immediate. His breath hitched, a moan catching in his throat. His fingers dug into you like a lifeline, trying to ground himself. Every sound he made sent a thrill through you, your own breath growing ragged.

“Noel,” you pleaded, voice dripping with something you couldn’t quite name. You were almost as desperate for him to come as he was. You needed to see him fall apart underneath you. 

He groaned, like hearing his name from your lips alone was enough to push him further. He clung to your shirt, forehead dropping to your shoulder as he panted against your skin.

“More… please… I need more,” he begged, voice wrecked.

You obliged, quickening your pace, swiping your thumb over the sensitive head of his cock. His whole body jolted beneath you.

His moans grew more desperate, more broken, his hips stuttering into your touch. He was teetering on the edge, barely hanging on.

“I—I’m…so close…” he choked out. 

You leaned in, placing a well timed bite at his pulse point. With one final twist of your wrist, he shattered.

His body arched violently, muscles locking up as a strangled moan ripped from his throat. He spilled over your fingers, his breaths coming in sharp, erratic bursts. He trembled beneath you, clinging to you like you were the only thing anchoring him to this earth.

You watched, mesmerized, as he came undone.

A final, weak moan left him before he slumped back, chest heaving. It took several moments for any semblance of awareness to return. When his eyes finally fluttered open, they locked onto yours, utterly wrecked.

You sat there, pulse racing, trying to catch your breath as if you were the one who’d just come. This moment, this image, was searing itself into your mind. You swallowed hard, blinking rapidly, trying to collect yourself.

Then you realized your hand was still wrapped around him. 

You quickly let go, catching sight of his softening cock and your hand coated in him. You averted your eyes, feeling like it was far too intimate a sight. Something hot and embarrassing was starting to climb up your throat.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess,” he rasped, voice hoarse.

Your face burned. The weight of what had just happened was settling over you like a lead blanket. You needed to get out of there. Now.

You quickly wiped your hand on the grass and untangled yourself from him, feeling completely dazed. 

An awkward silence hung between you. You forced yourself to stand, legs shaky, unsure what to do next.

You could still feel the remnants of cum you hadn’t managed to wipe on the grass cooling on your skin. 

You opened your mouth, then closed it again, grasping for words.

“Right, well, I—uh, um,” you stammered, turning your head toward the festival grounds. “I suppose I’ll be going then.”

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but for once in his life, he seemed to be at a loss for words.

You forced your feet to carry you away, not daring to look back. You didn’t want to stay and think about what had just happened. You wandered into the more crowded part of the festival in a daze, barely paying attention to where you were going. 

You glanced down at your hand and felt panic claw at your throat. Suddenly, you were overcome with the need to get rid of the evidence. Fast. It felt like everyone knew you were walking around with Noel Gallagher’s spunk on your hand. 

Spotting a water spout, you rushed over, scrubbing at your skin furiously. You flicked the water off, running a shaky hand through your hair. You quickly realized the state you were in and hurriedly smoothed out the wrinkles in your shirt and wiped at your mouth like it could erase everything that had just transpired.

No one could know about this. Ever. 

Just as you were regaining some semblance of composure, a familiar voice cut through the noise.

“Well, well, well…”

You barely had time to react before Jo appeared in front of you, arms crossed, a smug grin stretching across her face.

She took one long, knowing look at you, eyes gleaming.

“So… whose dick did you just suck?”

Shit. 

I saw I got some requests, which I didn’t think I’d get so thank you!! I’ll try to get to those as soon as I can. I have some other ideas rattling around my brain at the moment <3

[sideprince]

Eileen Prince

I'm relentlessly curious about how a witch from Slytherin, a house that values cunning and ambition on paper, and bloodlines/nobility in its culture, ended up living in a muggle slum.

Unfortunately for me, she's a barely mentioned character written by an author who consistently fails to portray female characters with depth or dimension. The women in Harry Potter are portrayed as either maternal or villains, or, in Ginny Weasley's case, as redeemed by their masculine traits (because Rowling's Thatcher era feminism dictates that equality for women = emulating patriarchal ideas of manhood). About as much as you can expect from an author who's as unable to acknowledge the personhood of trans women as she is to write women as actual people. This leaves a lot of room for interpreting or delving into what Eileen Prince's life may have looked like, and how that would have affected her son's development.

There are three direct mentions of Eileen in the text :

“The picture showed a skinny girl of around fifteen. She was not pretty; she looked simultaneously cross and sullen, with heavy brows and a long, pallid face. Underneath the photograph was the caption: Eileen Prince, Captain of the Hogwarts Gobstones Team.”

HBP Ch. 25

“I was going through the rest of the old Prophets and there was a tiny announcement about Eileen Prince marrying a man called Tobias Snape, and then later an announcement saying that she’d given birth to a" “ — murderer,” spat Harry.

HBP ch. 30

“Harry looked around: he was on platform nine and three-quarters, and Snape stood beside him, slightly hunched, next to a thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking woman who greatly resembled him.”

DH Ch. 33

(Shoutout to Harry James Potter, who didn't recognize Eileen's fifth year photo despite her resemblance to Snape, the teacher whose classroom he got his used Potions book from. Shoutout also to Harry James Potter who didn't connect the dots between the Prince's handwriting and Snape's, a teacher who regularly wrote instructions on the board. "I needed to make the plot work, ok?" - JK Rowling, probably.)

Other relevant excerpts:

“Snape staggered - his wand flew upwards, away from Harry - and suddenly Harry’s mind was teeming with memories that were not his: a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner ”

OoTP Ch. 26

“Harry delved into his trunk and pulled out his copy of Advanced Potion-Making before getting into bed. There he turned its pages, searching, until he finally found, at the front of the book, the date that it had been published. It was nearly fifty years old.”

HBP Ch. 16

Supplemental material re: Gobstones from JK Rowling:

"...it remains a minority sport within the wizarding world, and does not enjoy a very ‘cool’ reputation, something its devotees tend to resent. Gobstones is most popular among very young wizards and witches, but they generally ‘grow out’ of the game, becoming more interested in Quidditch as they grow older.  ... Gobstones enjoys limited popularity at Hogwarts, ranking low among recreational activities, way behind Quidditch and even Wizarding Chess." [There's an additional sentence on the Harry Potter wiki's Gobstones page: "...it is also known as 'the thinking wizard's Quidditch.'"]

A few conclusions can be drawn from what little information we're given about Eileen:

She's described as "cross and sullen" around the age of 15, and as "sallow-faced, sour-looking" when she's older.

She's captain of the Gobstones club around her fifth year, so she likely marched to the beat of her own drum - given that Gobstones isn't particularly popular - and owns it proudly enough to take, or even seek out, a leadership role.

The sport is described as "the thinking wizard's Quidditch" which would imply Eileen was more interested in intellectual challenges and was clever (and can be paralleled with a young Severus' comment about "if you'd rather be brawny than brainy" to James Potter when they first meet on the Hogwarts Express).

Her marriage and the birth of her son are both announced in the paper, which might mean the family she came from was of some importance or note, or perhaps something else... but we'll get to that.

If we assume that Severus' secondhand copy of Advanced Potion Making was originally Eileen's (reasonable, though there is no textual evidence) then its publication date is likely around the time she was a sixth year, given that this particular text was specific to students beginning to prep for N.E.W.T. exams. Harry begins his sixth year in 1996 when the book is "nearly fifty years old," so we can assume Eileen was 16 years old sometime not long after 1946. Severus was born in 1960, which would mean Eileen was in her mid-late 20s at the time.

Her marriage was dysfunctional at best, abusive at worst. As per a Pottermore post that is still up on WizardingWorld.com: "...the desperately lonely and unhappy childhood [Severus] had with a harsh father who didn’t hold back when it came to the whip." Based on this, we can assume Tobias was abusive, and given Eileen's cowering as he shouted at her, she presumably feared him.

From these bits of information emerges the image of a woman who either had a surly personality, or at the very least was guarded, though perhaps just formal. There isn't really any difference in how her face is set when she's in an everyday setting like King's Cross, or when she's having her picture taken for the Gobstones Club. It's possible she was a stern, unsmiling person, but it's also possible - given that her wedding and child were announced in the paper - that she came from a family of some standing and was raised to conduct herself with hallmarks of British class, such as dignity and unaffectedness. After all, there are several wizarding families - such as the Potters - who are wealthy purebloods with social standing but are not part of the Sacred 28. Additionally, the Gobstones Club portrait would have been taken around the mid-1940s, when portraits were formal and their subjects did not often smile, and given that we see only a snippet of Eileen, we don't have enough information that she was unhappy or sour. It's also important to remember that we see her portrait and Snape's memory of her through Harry's perspective and, like his perception of Snape himself, this may convey Harry's biases.

We also know from the text that Snape had a house in a deserted part of Cokeworth, a fictional Midlands town that presumably had a collapsed milling industry, at the end of a street called Spinner's End. There's a great thread that goes into details about the kind of 2 up 2 down house it would have been, and we can assume that this is Snape's family home given that we know he and Lily grew up in Cokeworth. For all intents and purposes, the conclusion we can draw from this being the Snape family's home in the 60s is that they were working class and cripplingly poor. Most estates like this had been cleared by the 60s, and no longer exist today.

This begs the question: how did a witch from a possibly well-off family end up in an abusive marriage in an irrelevant slum?

Buckle up kids, we're leaving the world of textual references and veering into deep meta territory now. I won't label any of this as head canon because I'm not set on these interpretations, and am just drawing conclusions from the text, but some of it may be a bit loose even for meta.

If Eileen was 16 years old not long after 1946, then she would have finished school in the late 40s, possibly even 1950. While some people (including past me) posit the theory that Tobias may have been injured in WWII and his injuries debilitated him, forcing him to go on the dole and affecting his mental health, I'm increasingly skeptical of this theory. It would make more sense if Eileen had known him before he was drafted/enlisted and had committed to a relationship with him, which would then have changed when he came back from the war and was altered. If we assume Eileen's age based on the idea that it was her own copy of Advanced Potion Making Severus used, then she would still have been at school during WWII (which makes an interesting parallel with Severus' own experience of spending the bulk of the first wizarding war against Voldemort as a student at school).

I do think, however, that there's merit in the theory that Tobias suffered some kind of altering injury and that he wasn't necessarily abusive before Eileen committed herself to him. It makes little sense for a Slytherin graduate who was confident and self-posessed enough to be the face of an unpopular club to be drawn to a partner so abusive his shouts caused her to cower and who whipped his child freely. If, however, he was a charming, happy man when they met who suffered a life-altering injury, the trauma of which left him a shell of his former self, then someone like Eileen might stick around for the sake of the parts of his old self she can still see in him.

It's interesting that she didn't seem to use her magic to protect herself or her son, or even to dress her son in clothing that fit, but we know from the text that depression can cause a wizard's powers to wane:

“...it is also possible that her unrequited love and the attendant despair sapped her of her powers; that can happen”

HBP Ch. 13 (Dumbledore talking about Merope Gaunt)

The fact that the Snapes retained the house in Spinner's End seems to indicate that they continued to live there even when the local industry dried up and the slum was cleared as workers were moved to other parts of the country where they were needed (presumably what happened given *gestures at British history*). The most likely explanation for this would be that Tobias wasn't able to work, and perhaps did suffer an injury, only it was at work, and not during the war. This would mean the family lived on the dole (ie. welfare) and also that he would have spent a lot more time at home. It would also explain his anger and frustration that led to abusive behavior (which isn't to say that disabled people are abusive by any means, but it would have been emasculating for a man who considered himself the breadwinner in the 60s, and chronic pain coupled with limited abilities would give anyone a short fuse).

Moreover, this living situation seems to indicate that there is no additional support coming from anywhere. Where is Eileen's family? Why were they not helping? There's no indication in the text that there is any connection with them at all. We can infer from Snape's memories that, as a child, he learned what he knew about the magical world from his mother. This implies that she talked to him about it a fair amount, and his conviction that he and Lily were going to Hogwarts well before they got their letters also implies that Eileen expected him to go there and was set on her son having a magical education, despite how little she seemed to use her own powers.

Severus knows a lot about the wizarding world as a child, including that prisoners are sent to Azkaban and that it's guarded by Dementors, Hogwarts' house structure and what to expect when he and Lily get there, and about the Statute of Secrecy and the laws around it. When Lily asks him if it makes a difference being Muggleborn, Severus hesitates before replying no, presumably because he's aware of pureblood bias being a part of wizarding culture.

Perhaps that's the reason Eileen's family doesn't seem to be in the picture. My own theory is that Eileen hadn't planned to commit herself to Tobias long-term, and Severus was an accidental outcome of an innocent tryst in which a young Eileen, an educated witch from a well to do pureblood family, was having fun slumming it with a working class muggle and ended up pregnant. While we don't know the wizarding world's attitude around pregnancy and abortion, we do know it's a conservative and classist society that parallels muggle British culture fairly closely, and that the late 50s/early 60s were a time when an out of wedlock baby would have been considered a disgrace.

Add to that the anti-muggle bias of a pureblood family and it sounds like Eileen was disowned her for her mistake (and don't @ me, but even though I know that not all Slytherins are purebloods, it does seem to be a persistent cultural value of the house reaching back to Salazar Slytherin himself, so Eileen's being sorted into it can reasonably be taken as an indication of her blood status). Perhaps the marriage and birth announcements in the Daily Prophet were put in by Eileen herself, if she was a woman from a family where this was customary. It may have been her way of letting her family know of the events, or even of asserting herself and even deliberately defying them, announcing to the whole wizarding world that a Prince married and had a child with a muggle. It makes sense that the girl who wasn't just in the Gobstones club, but became captain, would also say to herself, why shouldn't I have my marriage announced in the paper like everyone else in the family?

It's worth noting that mid-late 20s is pretty young to have a baby in the wizarding world, where the life expectancy and child bearing years are much longer than they are for a muggle. According to the Harry Potter wiki:

"Wizard life expectancy in Britain reached an average 137¾ years in the mid-1990s, according to the Ministry of Divine Health ... Wizards in general have a much longer life expectancy than Muggles, usually living two or three times as long as their non magical counterparts, some living even longer than that depending on circumstances. In addition, seeing as James Potter's parents had him "late in life,” witches likely have significantly longer childbearing years than Muggle women."

Although we see several characters in Severus' generation getting married and having kids not long after leaving school, there's a mention in the text that a lot of people were doing this during Voldemort's reign, as the fear he inspired made people more eager to get a move on with life since they thought they might die any day (I think Mrs. Weasley says this but I can't find the quote, @ me if you do). It's clear this wasn't the norm in the wizarding world. Eileen was a Slytherin, a house that values cunning, ambition, and strong wizarding heritage. Something must have gone very wrong in Eileen's life for her to end up having a child so young and living in a muggle slum.

And so it's possible Eileen Prince found herself pregnant and alone, having been disowned by her family to save face in light of her disgrace, and dependent on the only person she was still close to, the father of her child. It's the kind of storyline that Rowling would write, and it would parallel fairly closely the story of Voldemort's mother, thus adding another to the long list of similarities between Voldemort and Snape.

Lorrie Kim makes an interesting point when she talks about how Snape has a strong reaction to other people having a love life or romantic experiences (the context being Rowling's intention of his love for Lily being romantic and unrequited), but doesn't react particularly strongly to mothers sacrificing themselves for their children, whereas Voldemort does. Her insight, and I think it's a reasonable one, is that Severus accepts the idea of mothers making sacrifices for their children, whether it's Lily giving her life for Harry or Narcissa risking all she did to ask for his help in protecting Draco, because his own mother protected him from his father as much as she could.

There's a lot of room for interpretation on what Eileen's relationship with her son looked like, and what it says about her own state. She may have prioritized not angering Tobias to protect Severus, who as a child might have perceived her actions as a form of rejection. At the same time, she seems to have prepared him thoroughly for life in the magical world, perhaps in the hope that he would find his place in it and escape home. Perhaps she missed it and told him so much about it so she could live through her own memories.

The only time we see her argue with Tobias, in Severus' memory, she's cowering as he shouts. We know from JK Rowling that Tobias used corporal punishment liberally, which implies Eileen didn't stop him despite her magical abilities. We also see in the text, however, that while at school Severus stood up for himself against bullies and fought back, and that he was an exceptionally clever and powerful wizard. As an adult he was brave enough to face Dumbledore when he betrayed Voldemort, and later fought against Voldemort right under his nose (or lack thereof). So it stands to reason that at some point Severus began to stand up against Tobias too.

How much of that was Eileen's influence, or the result of Severus seeing her acceptance of her fate and rejecting it for himself, is hard to say. As for what happened to Tobias and Eileen that their house was Severus' by the mid-90s and they were nowhere in sight, I don't think there's enough information in the text to infer.

[bantersnatch]

THE BIANCA MASTERPOST

Why, hello! Are you interested in throwing yourself down the rabbit hole of lore for Dropout's "Very Important People"? Are you trying to drag a friend into the madness? Welcome! Hopefully this post can help. This all goes a lot deeper than you might expect after a casual viewing of the show, so let's get down to business.

In the past, the Host's stepdaughter, Bianca Jocasta, was something of a cryptid lurking at the edges of the show's lore. As of season 2, however, she has a face, speaking lines, and an implied crucial role in the meta plot. Us rabid Bianca fans -- and there are indeed a non-zero number of us -- simply never lose. Unless we get a week where Bianca doesn't show up. Which happens often.

PART 1: UNDERSTANDING the CANON.

Let's say you've watched the entirety of VIP. You have questions. Maybe you even have theories of your own. Welcome to the club, friend. Bianca generally pops up in only brief mentions -- amidst the chaos of the show it's sometimes hard to piece together exactly what's going on with her. Luckily, I've written it down for us!

Analyzing everything we know about Bianca (as of s2e3) for a review of the basics, plus some surface-level theorizing.

Analyzing the Host's relationship with Bianca (as of s2e3) for a more character-centered approach to figuring out what's going on here.

Revisiting the s2e4 loredrop.

Unpacking the s2e6 loredrop.

And of course, the sacred texts: this gifset by the talented @/whichcouldmeanothing capturing their first on-screen interaction.

Dissecting the s2e11 loredrop.

PART 2: INTO the METAVERSE.

So there's something funky going on here. That's to be expected, because this show is an improvised fever dream and the Host is a certified freak. But is this actually leading up to something...? Signs point to yes.

Asked to describe the relationship between the Host and Bianca in one word, Vic chose "tethered". A normal word to describe coworkers who purportedly hate each other.

Asked for any further information about the two of them, Vic responded... like this.

Okay. Here's where we jump off the deep end. Hold my hand. Vic likes to reuse material, and the "stepdaughter the same age as her stepparent" is an idea that's been around in their work for a while now. Take a look here and here for more on that. Do you see the vision?

It seems like Vic and Talia are very down to go down interesting paths with their improv together, and they're certainly able to conjure up chemistry. Case in point.

PART 3: EXPLORATION via FANWORKS.

That's it. That's the canon, that's the relevant supplemental material from Vic. But this is tumblr, and we all know that's just the beginning of the fun.

The wonderful @/moonpleaser draws Bianca so beautifully and I think about his art of her non-stop. Go look at his stuff!

I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention Star Maker, my fic that attempts to blend our knowledge of the Host's lore with the "Bride Comforting Stepdaughter" sketch. It is my version of a long-form thesis for why this dynamic has the potential to be so compelling.

We use the tag #bianca vip for her here on tumblr. (edit: now that we have a last name for the character, #bianca jocasta is also in use! it's a mishmash but we'll muddle through somehow. i personally will prefer to use her full name now that we have it, but i'll be using both for a while as i adjust.)

The AO3 tag for our Bianca is wonderfully vibrant for a character with so minimal screen time, and well worth checking out if you want more!

[midnight-in-town]

Long dead contractor or fake one ?

Thinking again about this guy ^ who probably isn't the Polaris Star Lord (because Polaris from ch169 doesn't have the similar neck tattoo thingy).

Crack theory from my insomnia : the thing is, we know UT checked Seb's cinematic records during the Campania arc and thus knows what contract Seb made with Ciel (i.e the 3 rules from ch138)...

...the remaining question though is whether he saw more than what we readers saw of Seb's CR.

When it comes to humans, their cinematic records start at birth and end at death. However, we don't know enough about demonology in Kuro to be sure

whether Seb's own CR only begins at his current summoning,

or if he has centuries old CR depicting his entire existence as a demon and thus all his previous contracts.

Depending on the answer, this means UT could have seen just Seb's existence since being summoned by our!Ciel, or also past contractors. Noteworthy, when Grelle briefly checked Seb's CR during the JTR arc, she too only saw moments of Seb's "life" as Ciel's butler.

So, if UT had access to Seb's memories of previous contractors, then he could have somehow found this guy and brought him back to life (somehow finding his corpse where Seb ate his soul, idek).

However, if UT didn't have access to Seb's CR before the current summoning and contract with our!Ciel, then the question remains : who is this guy from the cliffhanger and how did he end up involved ?

Considering UT's goal of separating Ciel from Seb...

...if UT had no way of finding a previous recent contractor and bringing him back to bizarre doll state, what if he faked one ? After all, he doesn't have to play fair when it comes to fighting against a demon.

Seb's contract with Ciel is based on the 3 main rules they discussed during ch138. Namely in that chapter, Seb and Ciel discussed the matter of possible betrayal and...

...while Seb said that multiple contracts were against his aesthetics, UT could have taken a corpse and altered his CR (by adding fake memories, like he did with the Campania BDs) to trick Ciel into thinking Seb broke their agreement of no multiple contracts, thus rendering the contract null.

This would explain the whole "would you like me to give you a hand ?"

And "then why did they welcome us ?"

Now, for anyone who might come at me saying "but Ciel would never believe such a thing" : I understand the feeling since Seb is indeed too stupid to betray his own aesthetics, but I beg to differ considering the Green Witch arc, the "90% serious" incident and mostly the fact that...

...Ciel doesn't trust that Seb has his best intentions in mind, far from it.

It will take convincing arguments for sure, but UT is not some ordinary villain and, again, the Nectar Springs Hotel staff was expecting them. Lastly, considering the theory that UT could be Cedric K. Ros, Frances once said in ch14...

...and I think it could apply to UT as well.

I mean, so far, the Campania, Weston and Blue Sect arcs saw UT winning every time. As for the current investigations, Mey and Bard were successful but Finny & Snake weren't, meaning that if Ciel & Seb lose, it's going to be a tie (which would keep real!Ciel longer in the story).

Maybe this arc will highlight that Seb was right in ch14 and our!Ciel can't win against UT and his brother if he doesn't add more Phantomhive brains to his side (aka Frances becoming some sort of mentor like Seb mentioned) :

TL;DR I don't know if Seb's past as a demon before the contract with Ciel could be relevant to the plot, so I wouldn't put it past UT to create a fake contractor to try and make the contract with our!Ciel null.

UT doesn't know how to mourn but he does know how to hatch conniving plans.

[sitp-recs]

2024 Wrapped: Drarry & Rarepair

I think we all agree that 2024 was far from great in many aspects. For me, last year was full of ups and downs with some happy fulfilling moments, and some very sad, difficult, anxiety-inducing moments. I took a few breaks from fandom and barely read anything in the 2nd half of the year, but a tradition is a tradition so here’s my annual wrapped, even if a bit late :) this list comes full of gratitude for the fics that brought me joy during these not so joyful times. It is also a love letter to short form as I did not have the time and mental space to indulge long fic as I used to. Looking at it, I’m happy to see a nice mix of old faves and new authors whose work I’ve been binging as if there was no tomorrow. As usual, keep in mind that this selection is 100% subjective as it reflects my very own perverted needs personal tastes. I hope you enjoy these gems as much as I did, and I wish you a generous new year, full of kindness and hope ✨

Drarry:

the sun between us by @eleadore (E, 7k)

Draco Malfoy, an omega. It was laughable until he was right in front of you, smelling like he was one shaky step from tripping into a heat. 

you can find my detailed rambling about this fic here, which btw is the first single rec I wrote in over an year because I was so overexcited I had to scream about it somewhere. deliriously sensual and self-indulgent but also full of biting, unrelenting snark, this is a must read to those who are into the good old push and pull of enemies to lovers. and mindblowing hot a/b/o sex as a treat :D

Heart to Hearth by @jtimu (E, 7k)

It should perhaps not have been a surprise that the repairman on his front step came not with coveralls and a toolbox but instead with a sardonic stare and a raised eyebrow.

my favourite odd job fic of 2024! what a fantastic concept to have a capable, smooth Draco rocking the hell out of those coveralls and making Harry (and all of us) salivate. this fic is a masterclass in short form: compelling characters (I love this disaster Harry so much), delicious build up and perfect pacing making their attraction feel genuine and organic.

Long Haul by @wolfpants (E, 9k)

The last person Harry expects to run into on a long haul flight to New York City is Draco Malfoy.

there’s something magically wistful about second chances and maybe that’s why I instantly fell in love with this beautiful love letter to Drarry and to NYC. I adore the gentle tone, the easy flirting and evocative atmosphere. the airplane smut is superb and there’s enough backstory to get you invested in their past without overshadowing the infinite possibilities the present is opening up for them right there. a beauty!

Spoiled Little Brat by @fastbrother (T, 9k)

Harry won’t stoop to Malfoy’s level. Really, he won’t. (He will.)

the best professors fic you’ll read today, this one pulled me right back into Drarry after summer break. what a delight of a fic - silly, fun, charming, with a perfect Hogwarts atmosphere that got me sad for not being there. their chemistry is unreal, with incredible banter - then deliberate teasing - and so much sexual tension it made me weak at the knees. oh, make sure to check the phenomenal art by @appleslightning!

When the Flood Comes by @academicdisasterfic (E, 10k)

Nine years on from the war, Auror Potter is upholding the Ministry of Magic's rule of law. Senior legal counsel Draco Malfoy is challenging it. And absolutely nothing is as it seems.

lawyer Draco in a suit is always a favourite, combined with a politics plot? sign me up 👏🏻 this is a beautiful, clever, thought-provoking story with a great premise perfectly executed within 10k (but it feels much longer), captivating characters, relevant discussions, detailed world building and be still my heart, the amount of yearning! a gorgeous break up/make up that slowly unravels their past and delivers just the right amount of heartbreak with impressive economy of words.

Knot Your Average Coworkers by @thecouchsofa (E, 22k)

Or: Harry makes a bunch of unintentional knotting jokes while an increasingly baffled Draco is driven insane.

I’ve read this almost a year ago and still remember laughing in delight from beginning to end. what a fun ride! my heart is soft for this cheeky, oblivious Harry with his cringey flirty banter and obsession with Draco’s secret 😂 their dynamic is perfect, light and silly and so very sweet. this fic is hilarious but also incredibly sexy and full of hot intimacy. I’m impressed by how easily Tee blends humour, fluff and heat so organically!

Home series by @hoko-onchi-writes (E, 22k)

In which Harry grows up in darkness, falls in love, fucks up, learns some things, and falls in love again.

my first hoko fic is still my favourite, I got so emo over this one. can’t get enough of this sad, lost Harry navigating the growing pains of post-war life. he’s so young and vulnerable, my heart aches for him. I loved to watch him go from a desperate, co-dependent situationship with Charlie to a more mature and grounded relationship with Draco. touching and melancholy, this story stays with you for a while.

The Superfluous Man by peu_a_peu (E, 24k)

A child for Harry Potter is a miracle of magic. And it's the second act of Draco Malfoy's sorry little life.

another banger by the phenomenal peu, this is the perfect mix of amusing and touching with one of my all-time fave Dracos. the prose is incredible and engaging as per: vibrant, clever, full of personality and with a refreshing take on mpreg that got me kicking my feet in joy. the smooth, effortlessly funny dialogue is a masterpiece in itself, but ah! the sweetness :')

Fine-Fractured Halo by @rainjulyx (E, 29k)

For Harry, it all starts on July 31, 1999 and ends on July 31, 2019. Twenty years of longing, love, and pain in no particular order.

I don’t usually go for unhappy endings but something about this fic lured me in and I felt completely changed after reading it. brace yourself for a quiet, heart-wrenching look into Harry and Draco’s situationship over the span of 20 years of longing and waiting. love the melancholy vibe and the complexity of an unreliable narrative. this story opened a hole inside my chest and stayed with me for a long, long time.

Truth to Materials by @toomuchplor (E, 54k)

In which Harry learns to appreciate art and other pleasures of the flesh.

god knows how this fic is still so underrated because it’s easily on my top 3 of 2024: sexy, moving, thought-provoking, funny and so very romantic and entertaining. I wanna live inside this universe and learn everything about quirky artist Draco and cute smitten Harry getting all curious and hungry for him. their dynamics are captivating, light and fun until the tenderness hits you right in the face. vibrant world building, brilliant cast, perfect dialogue and decadent hot smut - this fic delivers absolutely everything and you need to go read it right now.

this heaven of mud by @garagepaperback (E, 92k)

winter, 2002: Draco Malfoy is absolutely fine, thank you very much. summer, 2008: Harry Potter is, er- well, not good exactly, but definitely better. Yeah. Better than before.

I've inhaled everything garage has written last year and it was hard to pick one for this list, but I knew it had to be this banger. fuck buddies my beloved! this is an immersive and satisfying ride and I love how their relationship slowly unfolds to the reader. seeing them so young and stupid was nostalgic, aching and bittersweet at once, but I wasn’t expecting to be so moved by the romance! a brilliant character study, full of tension and heart.

Rare Pairs:

o fiery sun by @onbeinganangel (E, 3k) - Theo/Harry

Is it actual solstice magic or is Theo Nott just suddenly, really, stupidly, impossibly hot?

I’ve been low-key into this ship thanks to NottPott Chronicles and Mari delivers everything I expected of a “reluctant case partners to fuck buddies” 🔥 what a premise! I’m so hot for Seer Theo who’s a teasing little shit driving Harry up the wall lol their chemistry is explosive, dripping with sexual tension and the promise of more. Drarry fans need to check this asap!

One Night in Hogsmeade by @lqtraintracks (E, 4k) - Prongsfoot

While there are hearts in this world James hasn’t minded breaking, Sirius’s has never been one of them.

trust LQT to ruin me with this ship, which I so carefully avoid hoping to dodge the devastation. but it only takes James and Sirius sharing one brain cell and being all hot and wanton for each other and here I am, dead and buried. this has LQT's trademark of insanely hot smut dripping with angsty feels. the characters are so dear and full of heart, and I can’t handle the amount of desire, trust and fond familiarity they share.

Nightswimming by @sweet-s0rr0w (M, 5k) - Dronarry

Weasley flicks the light on. “I got off with a guy once, you know,” he says, casually, holding the torch up between his gloved fingers.

my favorite Dronarry of the year, this fic was such a unique experience! a masterclass in short form, as per sweet’s usual. such a delicious and expertly crafted foreplay, the mounting tension swallowed me whole and left me at the edge of my seat yearning for more. I need this flirty Ron in my bed life, jfc. the car sequence is one of the best executed scenes I’ve ever read, with such a distinct, sexy dream-like atmosphere. instant classic!

Three's a Crowd (But Four is a Party) by @kbrick (E, 7k) - Harry/Draco/Pansy/Blaise, endgame Drarry

Pansy and Draco have been together for ages. Kind of. They don't sleep together any more, but they do sleep with men together. It's complicated.

also known as the pwp that made me tear up with feels for Pansy & Draco, this is a beautiful and moving love letter to their friendship. I love the layers behind their co-dependency, it’s a really nuanced dynamic while also being a deliciously and self-indulgent poly smutty treat. the sex sequence is smoking hot and a feast for the eyes, with such sweet Drarry chemistry! beautiful and immensely satisfying from beginning to end.

Wield Me by @tackytigerfic (E, 10k) - Drarry + Teddy

A little story about learning to strike while the iron is hot.

I’ve already poured my heart out about this fic on a dedicated rec post but suffice to say this is the tenderest, most creative short I’ve read last year. the rich and detailed world building is absolutely jaw dropping, and all characters are so lovable and fascinating. I’m obsessed with pining blacksmith Draco, and very impressed by how Tacky successfully includes my beloved Teddy in the equation while keeping this a legit (and very much romantic!) Drarry love story. so smooth, so moving. witchcraft

Permanent by @citrusses (M, 13k) - Dron, Drarry

"Harry's always been fixated on older men. Have you ever noticed that, Ron?” Granger asks.

the gasp of utter delight I let out with every citrus fic this year! brilliant time travel concept perfectly executed, I’m still in awe of how much story and character development citrus was able to convey under 15k. sexy, intriguing, slightly melancholy with a clever twist and a hopeful open ending that took the story to another level and made me shake in satisfaction. easily on my top 3 works from last year’s Dronarry Fest!

Dick Chicken by @oknowkiss (E, 15k) - Dronarry

This is a story about nothing.

yep, this is the Seinfeld AU I didn’t know I needed! this fic is so incredibly funny, original and engaging - a brilliant homage to the show’s silly, chaotic ecosystem and cleverly adapted to incorporate elements from the HP universe. I just couldn’t decide between laughing my ass off at the unique brand of humor, falling in love with this sweet Harry or getting all hot and bothered for the Dronarry sexual tension omg

Worth a Thousand Words by @fluxweeed (E, 18k) - Dron

TIL wizards in Britain can avoid ward duty on the grounds of homosexuality. To avoid any false applications, wizards applying for this exemption must provide multiple pictures of themselves receiving anal intercourse with a clearly visible face.

a recent Dron fave, this sexy af and delightful fic translates the ship's essence perfectly: hilarious, scorching hot and a bit unhinged. the absurd premise serves the hottest and most entertaining "fuck first, talk later" trope with the right amount of sass, horny and sweet pining. I love Ron's voice here, curious and indulging and absolutely oblivious but still up for the ride. and Draco’s so hot for him, gosh the smut is so delicious. big bonus points for these AMAZING Harry and Hermione!

periculum by @the-invisibility-bloke (E, 25k) - Sirry

Harry needs someone to take control. Or maybe he just needs Sirius.

the fic that introduced me to El’s writing - my new age gap champion - had me on the floor just a few paragraphs in. this masterpiece covers everything that make this ship deliciously dirtybadwrong: Harry’s sweet longing, Sirius’s spiraling want and guilt clashing with the desire to give Harry everything he wants, the constant grasp for some control while toeing the line that gets blurred, then completely obliterated. exquisite build up and scorching sex scenes, so heated and satisfying!

INCENDIO by swoons (E, 42k) - Albus/James

Albus is just looking for something to get his mind off his brother. When Lily suggests he try INCENDIO, a popular dating app, he has no idea what fate — or the algorithm — has in store for him.

this was actually written in 2023 but I’m making an exception because wow, what a delightful Pottercest fic! this reawakened all my feelings for this ship. great pacing and the right amount of tension, pining, plus the BEST innuendos and poor sex jokes you’ll read today. Al and James have such distinct, charming voices and a deliciously sassy chemistry, plus matchmaker Lily stole the scene, I so enjoyed their dynamics. instant favorite!

[crescent-usagi]

Devin May Cry Netflix

Look. I've never played Devil May Cry, not a single game. I knew very little going into this show. But man this was a really good and fun show!

All I see is a bunch of negativity coming from the DMC fan base, and look I can accept you wanting an proper adaptation of your video game; but that doesn't mean you have to be an ass hat to this new continuity.

This is a non-canon story, if you want the original DMC then go back and replay the games! Complaining about the story being different in this is like complaining that Sonic 3 isn't the same as Sonic Adventures 2. Its not meant to be exact, its meant to take the characters and ideas and use them in a way to reintroduce them to a newer generation of people.

A Majority of complaints I've see are about Lady being the main character instead of Dante when that's blatantly untrue. God forbid a WOMEN be important to the story. Another complaint I've seen is Dante being weaker then his game counterpart. This Dante wasn't trained to fight by his father like he was in the games; he has no idea how his powers work until the Rabbit explains it to him. He didn't even KNOW he was half demon! Lets allow the character to learn and grow and get stronger thru the series. While Lady has been training and is in a special forces unit for fighting demons. Even though Dante has been fighting demons for a while he has mostly been relying on his extreme healing factor and speed rather than actual technique from what we can really see.

I also see people complaining about backstories. majorly that we don't fully get Dante's full story just the clip notes of it. But you have to realize the creators were only given 8 episodes to tell their story. unfortunately that means cutting things for time and Dante's back story at this point is not the most relevant to the story. We get Rabbit and Lady's back stories because they are relevant to the current plot of the show (Lady's is more so used a mirror to Rabbits). If we are to get another season it would most likely be focused on Dante finding and fighting Vergil where we would most likely get to see the entire back story from both boy's point of views.

People seem to be forgetting that the goal is to get another season to keep exploring these characters. I'm sure that in the first video game Dante isn't the same person he is in the last because he had time to grow. These 8 episodes are introducing us (and Dante) to EVERYTHING. He will (hopefully) grow in future season(s). People are expecting to much from such a short season. Unfortunate as it is this is how streaming services do things, as much as id rather we get 12 episodes or more we are only given 8 and they have to make due with what they have.

And the immigration analogy. So much about this is hated but its because people are only looking at it at face value. Yes, Rabbits plan is WRONG but that doesn't mean everything he stood for was wrong. letting in every demon is a bad idea. Yes. But dose that mean all those innocent Makaian's should be dyeing and suffering to the corrupt and gruesome ruling class of demons? No. I would BET that this idea will be working towards Dante (or maybe Virgil?) becoming the new ruler/king of Makai after defeating King Mundus. Perhaps after kicking out the American invasion and closing the door to hell behind them and sealing it he will be left (maybe with his brothers help) to restructure and try and repair Makai. (pretty sure he and his brother get trapped in hell in the games? could be wrong I've only watched one hour long video about the games so I could be misremembering.) I would expect Dante to grow and change as a character before this were to happen but again that's the point of multiple seasons. The perfectionists solution to immigration isn't to let everyone into another country; its to fix the situation they are coming from.

While no we don't need politics to be part of the show it is not our choice as viewers to make. This is what the Director wanted to go with so it's what we are getting, if you don't like it then don't watch it and just enjoy the games. This isn't the games, and maybe if it was a reimagining of something I cared about and grew up with I'd view it differently but as a new comer to the series I really enjoyed it and will be looking more into the franchise as a whole. This show succeeded in its mission to bring in new people to the fan base, just as the sonic movie did for its franchise.

I really hope we get another season and this isn't just left as a one and done show. Please look at this is in a new lens and not as a connection to the video games. Allow them to tell the story they want to tell. Maybe I'll re-watch the show and have different feelings in the future but after a first watch I really liked it. The animation and soundtrack are spectacular and really nostalgic for me as someone who grew up watching AMV's on YouTube in the 2010's.

I don't normally post my opinions about things online and just keep to myself but this felt important for me to talk about. If anything I've said was wrong or you disagree with any of my statements feel free to let me know, just please don't be a jerk about it, like I said I'm not overly familiar with this franchise and I only watched thru this season once so I could also be misremembering or just have rose tinted glasses from a first viewing. I don't really know how to end this now. byebyyyyyeeeeee <3

[mothmans-side-ho]

Armand called Lestat a clown in the most round about way

s2e3 hot wired the two passions in my brain into this info dump, however seeing as a central theme of this episode (and the season) is power, status, and their subversions, it seems relevant. for context, I have 2 degrees in theatre, specifically theatre history and how trends effect form. (I am in no way an expert though, and this is very simplified). long story short, I'm relishing in being a big ol nerd about this entire season

FINALLY, we got to see Lestat (a version of) strutting his stuff on stage in a scene with peak commedia dell'arte shenanigans. Commedia dell'arte is/was an originally Italian form of theatre which was defined by lazzi (comedic bits), improv, and stock characters. these stock characters have been around from Roman times and are still super familiar to us today - the young lovers, the pervy old rich man, the soldier with bravado, etc. It's been seen as a somewhat formulaic form of theatre which relied on quickly identifiable characters and situations so audiences can sit back and enjoy the butt jokes and servant beatings.

In the book - specifically The Vampire Lestat - our beloved Lestat RELISHES in playing a character called Lelio, one of the young lovers. It is in playing Lelio that he "found a tongue for verses and wit [he]'d never had in life" (TVL pg 31). It is in playing Lelio that Lestat first gets a taste of the person he can become, and it is in Lelio that we see the first glimpses of the Lestat which so fully seduces Louis. In short, Lestat casts himself as the suave and handsome romantic protagonist, here to sweep people off their feet. The young lovers are also notably some of the only roles portrayed without masks, to emphasize their youth and natural beauty.

SO IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN LESTAT SHOWS UP IN S2E3 DRESSED LIKE THIS:

He has a half mask! He's wearing all sorts of colors! He's clearly acting as a go between between two other characters who seem to be of a higher status than him! As I said before, commedia dell'arte can be very formulaic (especially by the late 1700s when it is being codified away from being improv focused to being cemented into scripts). From all of these visual and characterization clues, Lestat is not playing Lelio the young lover, he's playing a Harlequin! And his costume seems to be heavily based off of this Harlequin (Arlecchino, Arlecino, etc.) which is literally the wikipedia image of a Harlequin.

(note, if you give a fuck, this image is depicting an Arlechino from 1671, roughly 125 years before Lestat on stage. in my mind, this accounts for the changes in silhouette, styling, why Lestat doesn't wear the mask for the entirety of the performance, etc. Also, just while we're talking about costuming, I believe the late 18th Century was still a time in which actors would have been expected to provide their own costumes, which would explain why Lestat's version is made with expensive fabrics and includes cunty little details like the bow in his hair. At the very least, I can see him making looking good a priority as the owner of the theater and as...well...Lestat.)

Okay, okay, okay. Why does this matter?

Harlequins are not characters of any social status. They're servants who are quick witted enough to get into antics but stupid enough to be commanded by animalistic instincts (lust, food, you name it). The Harlequin being beaten by their master was ENORMOUSLY funny, and is the origin of the term "slapstick comedy". They a memorable iteration of clown.

In this scene, which I'm willing to bet was inspired by (if not outright) Carlo Goldoni's A Servant of Two Masters, Lestat plays a servant who interacts with two characters. One appears to be a young woman in a breeches part - another common trope of commedia performance. The other appears to be the young male lover! We see Lestat prancing between the two, seemingly facilitating some romance plot, being paid for his compliance, and doing a good ol fashioned butt lazzi. (Could he be presenting his ass for beating? Maybe.)

So why is Lestat not the young valiant lover, but instead A LITERAL CLOWN? Three potential, not conflicting, reasons. By the time Lestat is performing (mid to late 1790s, based off Armand's earlier comment about Robespierre's 1794 execution), the Harlequin characters were the most sought after roles! At this time, we are seeing the emergence of "Celebrity Culture" where audiences sought out actors for their off-stage personalities as much as their on-stage ones. This is an extremely fitting position for Lestat to fall into. Yay a semblance of historical accuracy!

Secondly, Lestat's ENTIRE ROLE in season two is to come between this season's new pair of young(ish) lovers: Louis & Armand. Lestat's function is to repeatedly detract and distract from their relationship through Dreamstat's antics (appearing at the piano calling Louis a whore, having Louis re-kill him, etc.). Additionally, simply put, Lestat (and Sam Reid as Lestat) is a lot of fun to watch. He is absolutely a stand out (if not THE stand out) of the show! His constant ability to serve cunt is often what your eye is drawn to, he pulls focus to himself, and often undercuts the more subdued, philosophical, and morose nature of others. Both on-stage and on-screen, Lestat continuously upstages his screen partners. He does kinda function as a Harlequin. But in the end, the Harlequin's antics are also what ultimately drive the young lovers together. If not for Lestat's actions, Louis and Armand would have never met nor bonded over knowing this fucked up brat prince.

But we also have to remember! This portion of the episode is presented by Armand the mind fuckery master. It is absolutely in his best interests to paint Lestat as some sort of ridiculous, lesser being driven by animalistic nature. Especially if - by extension of the metaphor - this frames he and Louis as the virtuous and optimistic young lovers, striving to cling to each other in a world of chaos. I would be EXTREMELY interested to see if, when recollected by someone else, Lestat appears in a different role or characterized differently.

Again, given the celebrity culture of the time and Lestat being himself, it is entirely believable that he would appear in the Harlequin role (Truffaldino, if this is Goldoni's Servant). However, I think it's extremely telling that in Armand's iteration of the story Lestat is not the dignified, refined, and sympathetic young romantic. He is instead a literal fucking clown.

[kikyoupdates]

Tears of a Villainess ⭑˚🗡️⭑ 𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑦

yandere!ocs x reader

yandere, reverse harem, isekai, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Reincarnation isn't as great as it sounds, especially when you've been reborn as none other than the villainess. Fated to die if you stand in the heroine's way, you immediately resolve to distance yourself from the plot. As long as you have nothing to do with any of the relevant characters, surely, you'll be able to avoid an untimely death. But in a horrible turn of events, the heroine ends up wanting to get close to you. Are you really doomed to meet the villainess' tragic end? Or is there an even more sinister fate that awaits you?

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Man. Am I seriously going to have to reject another guy from the same family? 

You blink tiredly, not even bothering to hide your lack of enthusiasm. Rowan grips your hand tight and faces you with a bright, expectant gaze, still down on one knee. Fiona’s been trying her hardest to retain her composure, but you can hear her squealing excitedly in the background. 

To put it simply, there’s a lot happening right now. Certainly not how you envisioned your day going. 

Well, alright, then. Better to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“Sorry, but no,” you say, and you watch as Rowan’s eyes go wide from shock. “This is very abrupt, first of all. And I already mentioned that I’ve been recovering from illness, so now isn’t an appropriate time to be having this discussion. You can’t just spring something like this on me. Also, I didn’t get to finish my apple juice earlier because you decided to trespass all of a sudden.” 

Rowan furrows his brows, but he doesn’t stand up right away, nor does he let go of your hand. 

“You won’t marry me?” he frowns. “You didn’t even take a moment to properly think it through. I apologize for startling you, but if you just give me a fair chance, I’d be happy to prove what a fitting partner I would be. I believe I’m a suitable candidate, and I’m confident that your parents would approve of our union.” 

…shit. 

Come to think of it, that’s right. You already told your dad that you would be fine getting engaged to pretty much anyone other than Alistair. Rowan has a point in saying that your parents would likely be on board. They may dote on you tirelessly, and you’re spoiled as can be, but they still have a few basic expectations, and one of those is that you marry a wealthy, respectable man. 

Since Rowan is Alistair’s cousin, they share the same household name and prestige. In fact, your parents might jump on this opportunity in an effort to try and mend ties with the Calderwood family. You’re not sure how you’ll be able to get out of this one. 

Then again… do you really have to? 

You take a moment to think about it. Officially, Rowan had nothing to do with the plot of the game or any of the villainess’ bad endings. He didn’t fall for the heroine, nor did he ever interact with her, as far as you remember. He’s a side character. Even less than a side character, perhaps, because his character doesn’t tie into the progression of the storyline whatsoever. 

Even if you agree to get engaged to him, it’s unlikely that anything bad would happen. The only reason you’re so hesitant is because he’s related to Alistair, but why should it matter to him if you end up marrying his cousin? You’re still not following the plot of the game, and you’re not interfering with his love life either. 

You know that most of your concerns may be rather unfounded, and a lot of that is due to simple paranoia. If you break things down and analyze them rationally, getting engaged to Rowan carries little to no risk. It’s certainly not a death sentence. 

Unfortunately, there’s another issue.

You just don’t like this dude. 

He gives off a bad vibe. The fact that he waltzed in here uninvited isn’t a good sign. Nobles have certain rules and etiquette they’re expected to follow, and while it’s understandable that an outsider like you would need some time to adjust, he didn’t seem to care that he was acting without any respect or regard for your feelings. 

Not to mention that his intentions seem incredibly crass. What kind of person would jump at the opportunity to get with their family member’s ex-fiancée? It’s in rather poor taste, you have to admit. Plus, his expression when he was recounting how he’d heard of Alistair’s engagement falling through…

He looked positively delighted.

You hastily withdraw your hand, much to Rowan’s visible disappointment. All you really know about him is that he and Alistair don’t seem to be on good terms. They had a few brief, unpleasant exchanges in the game. Just a few sentences of dialogue, but more than enough to convey how disconnected they are.

It’s entirely possible you’re reading into things too much here, but if your hunch is right, then it sounds like he wants to marry you purely to spite his cousin. 

And that’s the kind of pettiness you’d rather not have in your life. 

“I’m not sure how my parents would feel about you going after your cousin’s former flame,” you remark with a grimace. “I’ve never heard of someone within the same family openly pursuing their relative’s ex-fiancée. It makes me question your character, if I’m being honest.” 

Sensing you likely won’t be swayed anytime soon, Rowan finally stands up. He takes a moment to adjust his coat back in place, and despite being rejected, his self-assuredness quickly returns. 

“The heart can’t help what it wants,” Rowan smiles. “And I’d been interested in you well before Alistair even announced his engagement. I had been working up the nerve to propose to you for quite some time, so imagine my surprise when I heard that he’d already beat me to it. I felt incredibly discouraged, but he’s family, so what could I do? I simply endured all the while and tried to work through my frustrations, but when I heard the news, I knew I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by.” 

Everything he’s saying reeks of bullshit. What was stopping him from proposing to you sooner, as he claims he wanted to? He didn’t need to wait and ‘work up the nerve’ to do anything. He could’ve just gone ahead and done it.

“Of course, even then, I still wasn’t completely convinced,” Rowan piles on. “I’d heard many tales of your beauty and extravagance, but now that I’m actually seeing you and speaking to you, I can confidently say I’m sure of my decision. I admire your strong spirit, and you’re so inexplicably charming, in a way I can’t even describe. I understand that it doesn’t paint me in a flattering light to covet the woman my cousin once planned to marry, but I’m not the kind of man who can deny what he wants. My heart is set on you, and I doubt that will ever change.” 

Fiona squeals again, having to clamp her hands over her mouth to try and quiet down. It’s not like you can really blame her. What she’s watching right now is basically the equivalent of a soap opera. 

You narrow your eyes. If he’s really doing all this just to stick it to his cousin, that would be horrifyingly pathetic, but also kind of impressive. You have to admire the sheer strength of will it takes to commit to something so stupid. 

“Well, I’m not thinking of marriage right now,” you say. “My engagement with Alistair only just recently settled. Above all else, I want to focus on myself for a while, and I need to properly assess all my options. I’m not just going to rush into yet another engagement.” 

Rowan looks like he still wants to keep pushing the issue, but fortunately, he must realize he’s not going to make much headway, so he relents. 

“I understand,” he nods. “I’m sure you must have a lot of things weighing on your mind. And it must be especially difficult hearing this after you spent a grueling night recovering from sickness. You’re such a strong, dauntless woman. It’s truly breathtaking.” 

Bro. Is this guy ever going to stop kissing your ass? 

“Uh, sure,” you reply, scrunching up your nose. “Anyways, I gotta go now. Please show yourself out.” 

“But you’ll consider my proposal?” Rowan asks hopefully. “Because I really do think that we would make an incredible pair. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove my worth to you.” 

You’re just about to brush him off again and put an end to the conversation, but as it so happens, that’s not what fate has in store for you today. 

Instead, your father emerges from the manor.

Oh, balls. 

You already know this can’t possibly end well, so you go as far as trying to shove Rowan along—much to his blatant disbelief. It’s difficult to get him to budge since he’s bigger than you in stature, but either way, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference, because your father has already spotted him. 

“[Name]!” your father calls out. “What’s happening? Who is that man? One of the servants said they noticed a strange carriage pulling in. Hey, you there! Get away from my daughter at once! Just what in the world is the meaning of this?” 

He’s furious—or at least, as close to furious as he can be, all things considered. You’ve come to realize that he’s not exactly the most intimidating guy. Unless you’re the kind of person who’s terrified of math problems, that is. 

Your father cartoonishly stomps across the lawn, looking less authoritative by the second, but Rowan still minds his manners (which is something you didn’t think he even had) and bows deeply.

“Please forgive my intrusion, Count [Last Name],” Rowan says, greeting him with a calm, confident smile. “My name is Rowan Calderwood. I understand you must be startled by my appearance, but I came here hoping to speak to you and happened to chance upon [Name] while she was out in the garden.” 

“He was just leaving,” you blurt, but of course, your attempts to end the discussion are futile. 

Your father glares at him. “How dare you solicit my daughter’s company after showing up here uninvited. You didn’t even have the decency to announce your arrival. And you say you’re from the Calderwood family? I was under the impression that our households weren’t speaking. This is remarkably classless of you.” 

Hell yeah! You tell ‘em, dad!

You’re tempted to start pumping your fist in the air and cheering, but against all odds, you manage to hold back. 

However, if there’s something you’ve learned about Rowan in the brief time you’ve known him, it’s that he’s a stubborn, determined son-of-a-bitch. It takes a lot to faze him, and even then, he doesn’t let his smile slip. 

Most people in his position would have been ashamed to be called out for their rudeness, but he manages to face your father with a clear, unwavering gaze. 

“I am Alistair’s cousin,” he nods. “It’s true that we’re related, and that I am technically from the same household as him. But his decisions have no bearing on my own, and although that side of the family may not be speaking to you at the moment, it doesn’t change how I feel. All I care about is [Name], and today, I came here to ask for her hand in marriage. With your blessing, of course.” 

You sigh. 

Well, he went ahead and said the thing. You suppose there’s no backtracking now. You’ll just have to hope that your father won’t be so easily swayed by—ah, never mind. He’s already struggling to contain his smile. 

“You want to marry [Name]?” your father blinks. He pauses to clear his throat, but the twinkle in his eyes is unmistakable. He looks as excited as a child on Christmas morning. 

“She’s an incredible woman,” Rowan nods. He’s not an idiot, and he clearly realizes that the best way to turn the tide in his favor is to start praising the ever-loving shit out of you. “We admittedly haven’t spoken for very long, but I can already tell that she’s a very intelligent young lady. She has such a vibrant, distinct personality too. I find myself drawn to her more and more with every passing second.” 

Your father fails to hide his smile altogether this time. “Well, of course,” he hums. “My daughter is remarkable in every possible way. And she’s not just intelligent, mind you. I daresay she’s an honest-to-goodness genius.”

“That’s no surprise. I instinctively knew she was far more distinguished and impressive than any of the other ladies I’d spoken to. She’s the type of woman who can’t possibly be forgotten or overlooked. She shines as brightly as a lone star in the dark of night.”

…okay, I’m all for being complimented, but they seriously need to stop acting like I just solved world hunger.

“Yes, yes, I’m amazing,” you mumble half-heartedly. “Anyways, I was under the impression that I would have the entire day to rest and recover my strength. I’m not well enough right now to be entertaining guests.” 

You’re not being subtle about how desperately you want Rowan to hurry up and leave already, and the bastard clearly knows it, not that he gives a single shit. 

Luckily, your father still seems to believe that you nearly crossed over into the afterlife last night, and he quickly assumes a more stern expression.

“That’s right,” he frowns. “Forgive me, sweetheart. You must still be suffering from the aftereffects of your illness. I’m afraid we’ll have to cut today’s meeting short, Rowan. You must not have known that [Name] wasn’t feeling well, but all the same, she needs enough time to fully recover.” 

Rowan glances over to you, and although he does a pretty good job of hiding it, you can tell that he still doesn’t buy into the story about your ‘sickness’. 

Which, fair enough, since the story is total bullshit.

“Of course,” Rowan nods gravely. “I didn’t realize that [Name] was unwell when I decided to make the trip here. Given the circumstances, I understand why it would be difficult to come to a decision right away, and I don’t mean to rush you along. I just wanted to make my intentions clear. I hope that you will at least consider me as a potential marriage candidate, and allow me to court [Name] in the meantime.”

Your father stops to purse his lips, then looks over at you hopefully. It’s obvious that he wants you to get engaged, and normally, most noble parents wouldn’t even bother asking for their child’s opinion on the matter. You’re fortunate in that they love to spoil you rotten, otherwise this decision would already be set in stone.

“[Name], I know you’ve just recently ended an engagement, but you were saying you’d be open to marrying other men,” your father prods gently. “I will give you some time to think it through, but will you please give Rowan a chance for the time being? Your mother and I want you to find a good man to spend the rest of your life with. It’s important to keep an open mind.”

Rowan smiles brightly. “Please allow me the chance to prove myself, fair lady. I promise to devote the rest of my life to your happiness.” 

He certainly says a lot of pretty-sounding words, and by the looks of it, your father is quickly being won over. 

Still… at least there’s no official engagement or anything. Your father is giving you the opportunity to date him for a little while and see how you feel. Plus, you did say that you would be okay with virtually anyone besides Alistair. It wouldn’t be fair to shoo every man away without even giving them a chance. 

“Alright,” you concede. “I wouldn’t mind meeting with you for a while and seeing how things go. But I make no promises. My engagement with Alistair taught me that I’m looking for someone who is up to my standards. I don’t want to get engaged again without feeling confident about who my partner is.”

“That is completely understandable. As expected, you are mature beyond your years, and I wouldn’t expect you to settle for anything less than what you deserve.” Rowan crosses a hand over his chest and bows once more. “I will do whatever it takes to reassure you that I am your perfect match.” 

Well, he’s definitely confident, you’ll give him that. 

“I wish you a swift recovery, dearest [Name].” Rowan grabs your hand in his again, and without wasting a beat, raises it to his lips and gently kisses it. You wish you could say that you’re completely unfazed, but he’s damn attractive, and it’s admittedly been a while since you had any love in your life. 

He offers you one last smile before he goes, eyes twinkling with amusement, delight, and some other emotion that you can’t quite make sense of. 

“Good day, my lady. I will await our next meeting with bated breath.” 

Finally, he leaves, and he’s barely halfway in the carriage before your father pulls you into his arms and starts peppering your forehead with kisses. 

“Oh, my sweet, lovely girl!” he praises. “Look at you! It’s hardly been a few days since you broke things off with your former fiancé, and you’ve already got another suitor lined up! I apologize for ever being stern with you. I should have known you would have countless other prospects. A fine lady such as yourself will have her pick of all the men in the land.” 

You chuckle weakly and let him hug to your heart’s content. It’s good that at least one of you is excited. Actually, Fiona looks pretty damn excited too, based on how she keeps grinning ear-to-ear and clapping her hands. 

Even now, you can’t help but worry that Rowan has ulterior motives, but you suppose it’s a good thing you’re going to have a little trial phase. You can get to know him and figure out what he’s actually like. He didn’t make the best first impression in your eyes, but perhaps his rudeness can be overlooked if he genuinely wants to be with you. There’s no harm in at least giving him a chance.

Besides, how bad can he be? 

Charming, handsome, benevolent, desirable—those are only some of the words that have been used to describe Alistair. 

In truth, he’s heard just about every compliment there is. Having grown up in a family that constantly stressed the importance of reputation and elevating oneself, he devoted his entire life to becoming the kind of person he could take pride in. Even now, he continuously seeks to improve upon himself. As his father once said, a man never stops growing, and he should never seek to be satisfied with mediocrity. 

Alistair isn’t perfect. He knows he will never be perfect, and nor will anyone else, because humans are inherently flawed. 

But he can strive to be as close to perfect as possible, and that’s exactly what he’ll spend the rest of his life doing, until his very last breath. 

Lately, though, he hasn’t been feeling so good. Something happened to him that completely shook his worldview and left him in utter disbelief. Something that reminded him of just how imperfect he truly is. 

And that, of course, is the fact that he was rejected by you. 

Alistair isn’t good at handling rejection, mainly because he’s gone his entire life without ever being spurned. He’s used to being met with nothing but praise and approval, looks of adoration, and oftentimes, envy. 

So, when you kicked him to the curb and outright called him ugly, right to his face, his ego took a massive hit. 

It just doesn’t make any sense. 

Roughly a week has passed since you broke off the engagement. At the start, Alistair felt rightfully offended, but he told himself that it was for the best. He never wanted to marry you in the first place. Clearly, you are even more unstable and thoughtless than the rumors suggested, so good riddance that he’s not being forced to become your husband anymore. 

It’s better this way. He was able to avoid a painful, miserable marriage. Now he can move on with his life and focus on what he actually wants to do.

And yet, his mind is filled with thoughts of you, no matter how hard he tries to make them all disappear. 

He simply can’t wrap his head around it. Someone like you actually had the nerve to reject him? Seriously, you? The most infamous noblewoman in all the land, who is notorious for stirring up discord and being utterly distasteful? 

It wouldn’t have hurt as much if some other woman had rejected him. It still would have shocked him, of course, but it wouldn’t be such a bitter pill to swallow. 

After all, what does that say about him? If even you didn’t find him fit to be your husband… how can he ever hope to reach the heights he’s always dreamed of? What kind of pathetic life is he living?

He’s so ashamed he can’t even put it into words. 

“Greetings, Alistair!” 

…and unfortunately for him, it’s about to get even worse. 

Alistair knits his brows together. His least favorite person in the world (other than you) has just arrived. 

Rowan, his insufferable cousin, proceeds to flash him a grin. He’s always got a rather off-putting expression, but today, it seems especially pronounced for some reason. 

“What do you want, Rowan?” Alistair sighs. “Yet again, no one was expecting you to come by. It’s quite tiresome how you keep showing up without warning. My parents aren’t even home right now.” 

Rowan keeps smiling. “Do I really need a reason to visit family? I found myself in a good mood today and figured I would drop in. It’s a shame that my uncle and aunt aren’t around, but surely us cousins can exchange a few words, no?” 

Alistair doesn’t bother to hide his scowl. That’s honestly the last thing he wants to do right now. Goddammit. It figures he’d be stuck dealing with this asshole when he’s already in a terrible mood.

“Make yourself at home,” Alistair shrugs. He beckons a servant closer and asks them to prepare a fresh pot of tea, then sits down on one of the sofas and folds his arms. Rowan sits across from him, still with that shit-eating grin on his face.

What does he keep grinning about? It’s so irritating. 

Alistair narrows his eyes. “Is there something on your mind? It looks like you’re rather excited for some reason.”

“Oh, you noticed?” Rowan muses. He leans forward, interlacing his hands, and his grin widens, disturbingly enough. “Forgive me. Like I said, I found myself in a good mood today. I got rather lucky earlier, if I say so myself.”

“In regards to what?” 

“Ah.” Rowan stops to frown for a few seconds. “Sorry. Now that I think of it, I’m worried it may not be a good idea to share the news right now. I’m afraid it may still be a sensitive topic for you.” 

Naturally, Rowan could care less about hurting his feelings, but now that he’s said those words, Alistair can’t help but want to know. 

And so, he takes the bait. 

“What are you on about now, Rowan?” Alistair mutters. “Just stop with all these mind games and say what you want to say. Get to the point.” 

Heavy silence settles over the room, until finally, Rowan chuckles. 

“In that case, I may as well be candid. Truthfully, earlier today… I paid [Name] a visit. I received her father’s permission to begin courting her. With the intention of marriage.” 

Alistair blinks. 

Uh, what? No. There’s no way. It can’t be. Surely he must have misheard or something. 

Because… because it just wouldn’t make any sense. You rejected him not long ago. You told him you couldn’t foresee a future with him. For the first time in his life, he was tossed aside and treated like he was useless and unwanted. 

And now, he hears that you’ve already picked someone else to replace him? And not just anyone, but his piece of shit cousin, Rowan? 

Alistair feels sick. He clamps a hand over his mouth and draws in a sharp, shaky breath. It feels like the room is spinning. He swears he can see stars. 

Needless to say, Rowan has never been happier. 

“Oh, my,” he mumbles in a fake, condescending tone. “Are you quite alright, Alistair? You look rather pale. See, this is why I was hesitant to share the news. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it. Chin up, cousin. You’ll get through this.”

Alistair doesn’t respond. It takes a while to get a hold of himself, but he slowly withdraws his hand from his mouth and lets it fall to his side. 

Once his breathing finally settles, he proceeds to glare at Rowan with the intensity of a thousand blades. 

“...are you fucking kidding me right now?”

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