#EDIT: THIS POST IS REALLY FUCKING OLD. I AM NOT PROUD OF IT. DEAR FUCK WHAT WAS I ON

[choctalksalot]

i think homestuck is pretty neat because all of the kids (and trolls, im using kids loosely) have this way of introducing themselves where they project an image of who they are/who they want to be, while also having a certain degree of self awareness on how much they actually embody that image. and under all of that a whole different version of themselves that they Actually Are that is usually a thousand times more lame, and more interesting because they're just kids. just a bunch of video gaming nerds. but by being those things, they're people, with flaws in places they may not expect and parts of themselves they misinterpret

so even on the things that they're self aware about, oftentimes they're also wrong about it to some degree, either by playing it up, brooding in in their flaws "i can't fix myself i am #brocken" style or closing their eyes to an underlying problem, sometimes being completely aware of it but burying it regardless

just. god !! it's so chewy. it's the basics of how any reasonably intelligent people would act and interact, i've seen it in media so many times, but there's something about how self-aware all of the kids are, how that awareness is still flawed, and how it reflects in all of their interactions that just Gets me so hard.

it might have something to do with how homestuck itself is a game about growing up. maybe it's how the narration itself embeds into the kids' perspectives and how it literally laser-shoots the image they each want to project into your head first through a mode of storytelling that is usually regarded as Correct And Trustworthy, then you get to pick and peel back each of the things they said. hold it up against their actions. the things their friends say, the things they themselves later admit, and it's still never a complete picture. nothing presented comes from a completely reliable narrator. not the characters, not even the narration itself. you have to break them down and deduce and discuss and still never have the full picture, there is always more to think about, there are always more layers to see.

they're all different degrees of aware in their self-perception and that awareness itself has different degrees of accuracy. sometimes that awareness is muddled through a separate perception of them through their ideals. it changes as they change. they understand, they repress, they dramatize and downplay and are so erringly knowing of themselves, it feels so real amongst all the utter bullshit that is homestuck itself. absolutely bonkers. real person-y thing that exists in every character everywhere to some extent but i've never been so aware of it

is layered. onion of mental illness. and when you look at them again you still see just a bunch of kids who played a game together. i think that's pretty neat

[aughtpunk]

A03 Questions Tag Game

I got tagged by: @coffincrows

I tag: @ventela1 @autumn2may @farshootingstar

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

70

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

552,955

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

In no particular order: Cult of the Lamb, Welcome to Night Vale, Disco Elysium, Good Omens, Overwatch and a bunch of series I've only written one fic in

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

Points on a Circle (Overwatch, lots of ships, mainly Yeehan)

Now Streaming: Love! (Overwatch, lots of ships, D.va POV)

White is Not the New Black (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)

Fusion is Just a Cheap Tactic to Make Weak Angels Stronger (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)

Welcome to Cyber Vale (Welcome to Night Vale, Cecilos)

5 – Do you respond to comments?

I may accidentally skip a few (sorry) but I try to respond to everyone!

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Another Pyramid, although I'm not sure I would call it angsty. The fic is about two robots (omnics) discussion an opera and the play based on it, and it ends with one of the robots wondering if the more opened-ended play could possibly be about the endless cycle of tragedy and romance, and how that's very fitting in the current war for robot rights.

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably To Forgive is Divine since it ends with the Bishop family back together AND Narinder and Lamb as a couple AND other happy spoilers

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Okay so I wouldn't call it hate but I will take a moment to talk about the weirdest comment I ever got on a fic: Someone once posted in the third chapter of a fic that they hadn't read the first two chapters (on purpose) and they were only going to read every-other chapter from then on. And then every other chapter they kept posting about how the fic made no sense and kept asking questions that were answered in the parts they skipped.

Yeah I ended up blocking them and deleting the comments. Like, the fuck?

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut. I would describe it as "bad".

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Probably the Good Omens/Pokemon crossover fic The Evils of Truth and Love. Sadly I couldn't figure out anything to do with it plot-wise so it's only just three chapters of silliness.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No idea. Imagine someone stealing my work. It'd be like someone stealing my twelve year old hyundai. Like, why?

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I know Cyber Vale got partially translated, and one of my Disco Elysium fics was translated into Russian!

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, I'm not into co-writing.

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

Probably X/Zero. Which is funny considering I've never written a ship about them.

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Dear Notes in a Line and Five Shalle Ryde fans:

I swear I'll come back one day to finish these. Pinky-swear.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

Apparently I have a real knack for writing immortal God/God-like beings/Immortal Robots and I don't know what to do with this power besides writing fanfic.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

I am so, so bad at smut. I've tried, you guys. I've really tried. But writing it feels like someone is sandpapering my brain. In another timeline where I can write smut I'm probably making bank on a terrible amazon published erotica series.

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I try to avoid it myself because I can barely handle English most days. Never mind other languages Do you know how many times I've failed French 1? Six. SIX TIMES.

EDIT: It has been pointed out to me that I've written multiple characters in multiple stories that use ASL. I am not a clever person.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

NiGHTS Into Dreams! It's called TWiNS and I actually dug it up from the depths of FF.net to post on Ao3 because I'm so proud of my teen self for writing it.

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

Probably As Mayflies, which I wrote one beautiful summer morning while I was feeling very emotional over Sir Terry Pratchett's passing and wrote a little story about how the humans Crowley and Aziraphale meet live forever in their hearts.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 56 DETAILED SUMMARY AND DISCUSSION/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

This has one locked lesson cause of course it does

Belphie’s upset that their names got called on the loudspeaker as if they were the lost children and not Diavolo. MC says the others won’t let them ever live this down if they found out and Belphie says he’ll be teased for centuries. Belphie tells a story about how he once got lost in the Celestial Realm and spent hours in a tree crying, MC asks why he was on a tree, and he says cause he thought he’s be able to see the direction of the celestial palace from there. It had eventually been Raphael who found him and he ended up taking a liking to the tree so he would climb it and nap up there whenever he wanted to avoid work. MC asks whether he like Raphael. Belphie says he never thought about it either way but that Raphael always looked like he had it rough (course he did – he had to try to get Belphie and his brothers under control cause Lucifer was much more lenient those days. I’ve mentioned this before but I’m certain that Lucifer blames his leniency as what got Lilith killed and that’s why he’s unreasonably strict with the brothers now) MC asks what Raphael was like – he says he worked hard for little reward and his job was looking after Michael’s needs no matter how unreasonable (and they really are the Lucifer and Diavolo of the Celestial Realm aren’t they!?). He was meticulous and methodical and he always had a sullen, irritated look making him always seem like he was in a bad mood. And his evil eye looked so evil you could almost mistake him for a demon. Belphie says he hasn’t seen him in a ling time and wonders how he’s doing. Belphie says all this with a smile on his face and this is the first time we’ve heard someone talk about Raphael in a positive light and this supports my theory that Belphie sees the Celestial Realm in a more positive light than the others probably do (which is why he irrationally directed all his anger at the humans). I’m also 10% certain the person Simeon was meeting with was Raphael not Michael cause I don’t think we’ve heard Belphie mention Michael once so it makes sense that they would have him recognise the angel he would later talk about. They get to the desk and Belphie goes to give their names but MC cuts in with ‘snoozy’ before he can say his. The employee comments on the name and Belphie blushes and says it’s embarrassing and asks MC to stop laughing about it. The employee gives them the note which happens to be a ransom note. Lol this guy is fucked.

Belphie complains about Barbatos failing to teach Diavolo not to walk off with strangers (in my very first theory/headcanon posts I compared Barbatos and Diavolo’s relationship to the one between Alfred and Bruce Wayne and I completely stand by that. I think Barbatos is significantly older than Diavolo the same way Lucifer’s significantly older than his brothers and similar to Lucifer and his brothers I think Barbatos had a hand in raising Diavolo. Given that we now know that Barbatos might have powers that rivalled the demon king it’s possible that he may be as old as him, or just slightly younger, than him as well. Tldr; Barbatos gives off heavy Alfred Pennyworth vibes). Belphie doesn’t want to deal with this and MC says they can’t just ignore it (also they will be murdered twice over if they do) and Belphie says he knew they’d say that and agrees to humour this stupid fucking human. He says he doesn’t wanna get tortured by Lucifer and Barbatos but the idea of going and rescuing Diavolo like one of his good little pawns makes him sick too. They head to the circus tent and are greeted by a happy and beaming Diavolo sitting on a chair with a man holding a gun to his head and demanding money (what a fucking amateur ass kidnapper at least give ‘em time to go and get the money! What you think people just walk around with wads of cash in their pockets!?) Belphie ignores him and scolds Diavolo for just waiting around for them to come get him and for leaving them in the first place. The man panics and tells them to stop moving closer unless they want him to shoot Diavolo. Diavolo also ignores the man , apologising and saying with a bright smile after the ride he was feeling sick and this man stopped and checked he was alright. Diavolo calls the man considerate cause he promised to help diavolo find the two of them and look! He kept his promise! Bsdjfjibvdmck this poor fucking kidnapper… Belphie groans and asks Diavolo if he even realises what’s going on rn and says even after being from a royal family he can’t be this sheltered and oblivious. The man’s just getting more stressed at how no one here seems to care about him as he keeps screaming about being serious and blowing Diavolo’s head off his shoulders (This poor guy – even MC who’s lived the most normal life from the three of them has faced more threatening life or death situations to give a shit). Belphie just tells the man to shut up with the most bored expression on his face. He then transforms into his demon form resulting in the man screaming his head off. Belphie just tells the man he talks too much, casually asking if he should make it so that no one has to ever listen to the man run his mouth again. The man stutters, calls Belphie a monster and tells him to stay back and panicking points his gun at Belphie. MC either using their very on magic creates a wind (called ‘wind of protection’) strong enough that it stops the bullet when he shoots or a raging fire (called ‘fire of judgment’) that takes over the bottom of the screen that’s powerful enough that it actually melts the bullet mid-flight and then rushes to the man making him scream and making the whole screen flash red (I had a moment of ‘HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT DID MC JUST BURN A MAN ALIVE!? DID ALL THIS LEAD UP TO MC COMMITING MURDER!? WHY AM I LOWKEY EXCITED!?’) but no the guy’s still alive, I think the fire just made him move back from all of them. (but can we talk about how powerful MC’s own magic is and how it seems to be at its most powerful when they’re protecting the people they love? (like when they unconsciously counteracted all the curses in the reaper’s cave that should have killed the brothers, or when they saw Satan use a healing spell once and were later able to effectively use it on Mammon later despite the fact that the were having trouble picking up the spells Satan was actually trying to teach them). The man screams asking what the two of them are (ajfkjfcijzh didn’t Solomon say just last lesson that they were supposed to keep this all secret!!!!???) Belphie says bullets can’t actually harm him but he still smiles and thanks them. Diavolo seemingly in shock says that the man fired his gun at Belphie and that he was trying to hurt Belphie (despite the fact that Diavolo knows a gun wouldn’t hurt Belphie it’s the fact that the man didn’t know that and had the intention to hurt Belphie that sticks with him and I think that means a lot), A pale purple aura starts swirling around him and he instantly transforms into his demon form, looking furious and screaming “HOW DARE YOU…!” The man screams.

The man drops his gun and runs away. Diavolo says, serious for once, that they can’t let him run away and that he’ll contact Barbatos to get the royal army and – (bro you’re gonna start a war bro chill), Belphie says he can’t bring the army here he might accidently bring about the destruction of the humans (funny how a couple yrs ago Belphie would have been all for this plan) and Diavolo looks sad saying he can’t just let this go. MC and Belphie both get Diavolo to try and calm down, with Belphie telling Diavolo he wasn’t hurt and transforming back to his human form, before saying that Diavolo didn’t need to transform as well & that if Lucifer and Barbatos find out Belphie’ll get in trouble. Diavolo transforms back and says the man tried to harm a dear friend and he couldn’t help but get angry. Belphie blushes and can’t come up with words. MC teases Belphie asking if he’s blushing and he denies it while still blushing. Diavolo also notes that he’s flushed and is worried that it’s a sign that he’s been hurt somehow. Still blushing Belphie says he’s not hurt and to stop worrying about him and that they should leave. Diavolo says since they’re here at the circus tent they should watch the circus perform since Belphie likes human world circuses.  Belphie’s surprised and asks Diavolo how he knows that, Diavolo says Lucifer told him a long time ago, Belphie asks why and Diavolo says when they’re alone Lucifer talks a lot about his brothers, specially Belphie (Lucifer also has random pictures of his brothers that he takes without them knowing as they go about their daily life… This man is such a proud dad. He pulls out his wallet and a whole roll of pictures unfold all the way to the floor and across the room and he’ll tell the story behind each picture to anyone who listens.) He’s also told Diavolo about Belphie’s favourite tree in the Celestial Realm and the story of how he found that tree. Back then Lucifer always thought whenever Belphie wasn’t with his siblings he’d be up in the tree napping or down in the human world watching the circus and that’d made diavolo determined to see the circus too. Diavolo then asks if they can see the circus together. Belphie’s still shocked but then he blushes again and agrees. Inside Belphie and Diavolo are both clinging to MC as they cheer, scream and argue about the safety of the trapeze artist. MC can ask Diavolo if he wants them to cover his eyes cause he’s scared for her safety despite Belphie telling him there’s a net, ask Belphie if he wants to hold their hand cause he’s just as nervous or excited or comment to no one how they’ve got a demon attached to both their arms.

It’s night out and as a reward for coming to get Diavolo Belphie was allowed to pick all the rides they went on, Diavolo looks like he’s gone through hell, stuttering and asking if that was all. Diavolo asks how MC’s doing they say they threw up in a bin and are feeling better now (or they can say they had fun) Diavolo says he threw up in so many bins he lost count. He asks if they should head home and Belphie says there’s one last thing he wants to ride, Diavolo starts stuttering again. Belphie says it’s the ferris wheel, Diavolo’s shocked and asks if it’s cause Belphie remembered him saying he wanted to ride it, Belphie tries to deny it but Diavolo doesn’t buy it – instead he smiles brightly and gushes about how nice and sweet Belphie is which makes Belphie blush and demand him to stop. Diavolo marvels at the lights from up in the ferris wheel and how they look like stars, Belphie says he’s getting too excited. Diavolo ignores this and points out his hotel and the brothers’ manor. Belphie says he sounds like a child and Diavolo laughs and says that Lucifer says the same. Diavolo, while still smiling, says that in a way he is a child, a child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting (and holy shit that’s sad – he really did grow up alone in that huge castle…) Belphie doesn’t know what to say to this and Diavolo asks what’s wrong. Belphie says he’s surprised cause he never knew Diavolo saw himself that way. Diavolo laughs and says he never expected Belphie to treat him with kindness and Belphie asks what kind of heartless monster did Diavolo imagine him as (look despite all the shit I give Belphie I do really love him but also I mean…. He does kinda make it known how much he dislikes diavolo…) Diavolo laughs it off, he says today he learnt things about Belphie that even Lucifer hadn’t told him and that there’s probably a lot about Diavolo that Belphie doesn’t know about either. Diavolo says he knows they’ve had there differences, specially cause Diavolo had his position to consider and that he had been very strict with Belphie in the past and that he still doesn’t consider that a mistake (YES!! FINALLY!!) and that despite all that they were still able to get along well today, he thanks MC for their help in bringing them to this point. They say they didn’t even do anything special, Belphie says that he agrees with Diavolo and that they did help. Diavolo says he wants to talk more with Belphie and if Belphie agrees nothing would make him happier. Belphie’s silent for a bit before he slowly agrees. Diavolo thanks him and says there’s one more place he wants to drop by.

They end up at the brothers’ place. Asmo welcomes them back, Diavolo says “I’m home!...just kidding pardon the intrusion” AND you just KNOW this man wishes he wasn’t kidding and that he could really live with all of them. Asmo asks how his day went & Diavolo says he had fun. When beel asks Belphie says he’s really tired. Asmo invites Diavolo to stay for dinner, saying Lucifer & Barbatos are cooking. Diavolo says he’ll go and help them but Belphie makes him sit down and tells him to relax after the day they had. Diavolo beams and thanks Belphie for worrying about him and Belphie blushes and tries to deny it, saying that since him & MC aren’t helping if Diavolo goes to help it’ll just make them look bad. Diavolo says he actually wants to help and that the other two can wait here (hey Lucifer and Barbatos are Diavolo’s closest friends right? And you tend to tell your closest friends everything that happens… MC & Belphie are so fucked). (this next interaction has such strong sibling vibes? Like I’m telling you I’ve had this exact same conversation before) Levi & Mammon seem to find the whole interaction between the two of them interesting and make noises about it, when Belphie asks them what, Levi says it’s nothing and Mammon asks how it went. Belphie says they went to a park and now they’re back. Satan says the others meant how it went with Diavolo. Belphie says like he said before there was nothing to it. Asmo says the interaction between the two of them says different and Satan agrees. Beel congratulates him and Belphie blushes and says he has no idea what they’re talking about. Mammon then asks MC if there were any problems, if they wondered off and got lost. MC either denies it so harshly it’s immediately unbelievable or says no…not really. Levi asks what ‘not really’ means. Belphie asks Mammon why he asked that and if he remembered the time he got lost in a park. Beel also then remembers that. Mammon says he’s not the one that got lost and that it was the twins. The three of them then argue about who really got lost. Asmo tells them to each say their side of the story. Mammon had been playing darts when the twins disappeared and he’d ended up searching all over for them and he’s been really freaked out. The twins say they went to buy soft serve and when they came back Mammon wasn’t there and they ended up going around finding him. MC, Satan and Asmo says it sounds like all 3 of them fucked up. Diavolo then calls them for dinner. (This whole arcs gives me ‘taking your new partner’s kid who hates you on a day out so that you can bond’ vibes with MC there solely to act as the buffer)

During dinner they talk about their day at the park, apparently they rode the freefall of death thrice in a row and Belphie happily tells Diavolo that next time they go they should ride it again. Diavolo very obviously reluctantly agrees to, which Mammon points out. Diavolo said he did enjoy it but next time he wants a break between riding it over and over again. Belphie says it wouldn’t be a marathon if they took breaks. Diavolo says next time they should all go together and maybe even try out a different theme park. Levi suggests a space themed park with another insane ride that tries to kill you, Mammon reads the description of the ride and immediately nopes out. Satan teases Mammon for being scared which he protests to, Beel asks for a place with good food, Levi says he was waiting for Beel to say that and Diavolo happily laughs and after being alone for so long a lively dinner like this full of people he cares about who care about him in turn was probably something he always wanted. After dinner in the warmly lit music room Barbatos brings Lucifer coffee, Diavolo and Satan are playing chess, Levi is rambling to Asmo about the game he and Diavolo were playing and Asmo happily tells him he has no idea what he’s talking about, and Belphie asks to talk with MC. He tells them despite how much he initially complained he had fun and he thanks them, they say they’re happy things turned out well. He says he never thought he would end up feeling like this. Lucifer then calls the both of them to him. He says they did well today and seeing the relaxed way Diavolo’s getting along with the others like there’s no tension between them is a relief. He thanks them. Belphie smiles as he says that Diavolo looks like he’s having fun with the others. “By the way…” Lucifer says with a smile ‘Diavolo told me about what happened today you little fucks’ (told you he’d snitch to Lucifer) Belphie’s shocked and speechless. A purple aura starts rising off Lucifer as he smiles sweetly at them, “Perhaps you’d like to explain to me exactly what happened?” “DD! …Why’d you have to tell him!?” screams Belphie before he accepts his fate and the screen goes black.

MC leaves the house to walk Diavolo and Barbatos to the street to drop them off, for which Diavolo apologises for troubling them. Barbatos says he could have ordered a car to come right up to the door of the house (Barbatos pls read the room!) and Diavolo says he doesn’t mind catching a taxi from the street. Barbatos is silent and contemplative for a moment before he says he forgot to tell Lucifer something and heads back inside (he read the room!). When they get to the street Diavolo worries cause Belphie had seemed really pissed when they left, he says when Belphie told him to keep it a secret he’d genuinely thought Belphie meant the picture they took together. He assumes Belphie told him not to tell about the ransom right after he told him not to tell about the picture but Diavolo had been so thrilled by the picture he hadn’t processed most of what Belphie said. He worries he messed up all the progress he made during the day. MC says though Belphie’s mad now he’ll get over it in time. He’s still worried that next time Belphie won’t be as willing to talk to him like he did today (he was still calling him DD though even when he was pissed so I don’t think it’ll be a problem. I hope they keep up the nickname Lucifer will hate it and that at least should be incentive for Belphie to keep using it). Diavolo says he had a lot of fun today and that he’ll never forget it. He goes on to say that growing up he lived a very sheltered life and that he’s never felt more free than he did today, though the ride was too much for him. He says even thinking about it makes his hands shake and he shows them to MC. MC can either take his hands or do nothing. If they take his hand he blushes and says it’s strange but that made him calm down. He says he wants to spend more time together and asks if they can go for a walk. MC agrees and he’s delighted by it. He says he’ll message Barbatos to let him know but that it’ll probably not be necessary since Barbatos went back to give them space anyway (You know Lucifer saw Barbatos come back alone, figured out what is happening and is now pacing a hole through the floor

They go to a park with a lake from where they can even see a ferris wheel in the distance. Diavolo asks if they think it’s the ferris wheel they rode today or a different one. He then laughs and says the human world’s really beautiful from the trees in daylight to the buildings at night. He asks if he can hold their hand and they can do that or put their arm through his. If they hold hands he says they almost look like a couple. If they do the second one he’s shocked but smiles and says they saw through him and realised what he actually wanted to do even though he wasn’t smooth enough to ask. He says his mother dies during childbirth and his father was always very strict with him, and he doesn’t know if that’s cause he was training him to be the next demon king or because he resented Diavolo’s birth for taking away the love of his life (I also HC Diavolo looking a lot like his mom. ALSO this confirms what I said earlier in one of the other lesson summaries about demons being born through biological reproduction like humans and unlike angels). He says growing up he never got a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle until he met Barbatos who told him stories of the outside world that fascinated him (this really does give the vibe that Diavolo was a child while Barbatos was an adult at the time). He liked Barbatos so much he begged him to stay with him. Barbatos had kept saying no but Diavolo had refused to give up. He’d thrown a tantrum then and said he’d refuse to be the next demon king unless Barbatos stayed with him and Barbatos had given in. Then he gets sad saying that what Belphie said today hit him, and how he always used his royal status to get others to do what he wanted. He asks if it’s possible that he’s forcing Barbatos to stay against his will. (and I get that what diavolo did was shitty but the fear he must have had for the rest of the day since Belphie said that cause he thought Barbatos will leave too and he’ll once again be truly alone in that castle is heartbreaking). MC who spent the last two lessons with Barbatos more or less talking about Diavolo (or Solomon) reassures Diavolo that Barbatos is staying cause he wants to. Diavolo’s happy for a bit before he becomes sad and doubtful again. He then says MC reminds him of Lucifer cause Lucifer is also constantly saying similar things to him (AND THE IMPLICATIONS!!? FIRST IT WAS THE OTHERS COMPARING LUCIFER’S FONDNESS FOR MC TO HIS FONDNESS TO DIAVOLO AND NOW IT’S THIS!!? Can I just say again: remember how the twins wanted to share MC if they ever got together with one of them? I think Lucifer x MC and Diavolo x MC make a lot more sense if it’s all three of them together. And in any case where MC doesn’t choose one of them, they get together like the LIs in The Arcana do). He asks if it’s possible that Lucifer and MC flatter him too much. He then says it can’t be fun listening to his childhood stories but that he wanted them to know about him and that he wants to know more about them too. He asks what kinda food they like. The options are sweet, spicy and sour. He likes sweet too. He asks if they like animals. Options are they love them, don’t or it depends on the animal. Look after all the time in the devildom, after two paws events, after bathing Cerberus and after the brothers all having their own vastly different animal representatives MC can’t not love all animals. Diavolo says imagining them playing with different animals is really sweet. He says he’s known them for quite some time now but there’s still so much he doesn’t know. He blushes and asks if they can do things like this more often, where they just spend time together. He then confesses and asks how they feel about him. If they say sorry he smiles and asks them not to apologize, saying that he didn’t say it to make them feel bad but that he understands. He asks if they’re in love with one of the brothers an they can say yes, no or stay silent. He smiles sadly and says he guessed. He says that even though they don’t have feelings for him it doesn’t change the fact that he still loves them. He says he still wants to get to know them more and asks if they can still meet up. He thanks them for being a part of his life. (While I still don’t think the side characters liking MC makes much sense and I still much prefer them as very close friends I like how all their confessions are very one and done. The brothers romantic plotlines with MC are still going on and there’s never a “I love you, do you love me? No? okay I still love you but I’ll back away too” moment. MC never gets the chance to reject them. But with the side characters MC rejects them, they understand that MC loves someone else, they accept the rejection really well and they go back to being friends and I really like that. It feels like it probably won’t be explored again after you reject them.)

[gyllenhaalstories]

SOUTHPAW, PART 1: HEADCANONS.

notes: dear anon: thank you for making me appreciate jake the rapper! also i know nothing about rap, so i’m sorry if this is pure trash! i never finished watching southpaw because it was too dark for me, but i took some very loose inspiration from it. warnings: mentions of dark past, mentions of sexual content... this got really long (2k words). gifs credits: alphalewolf. extras: if you want more informations about rapper!jake, please scroll through my blog. i have edited some older posts with the tag: topic: rapper!jake, so check it out if you’re interested. i have taken some ideas and put them in this list. (at the end of the list i provided some goodies!)

PART TWO WILL BE UPLOADED SOON, KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR IT!

attention, attention! please note i know absolutely nothing about rap. i very rarely enjoy listening to rap music, it’s simply not for me. this might be inaccurate and off compared to the actual world of hip hop and other similar genres. i apologize for my lack of knowledge! this is an au in which jake is not an actor or a producer or anything of the sort. his fame, he built it with his music. you must keep that in mind while reading these headcanons or else it will get confusing. also, i’ve taken some loose inspiration from jake’s actual work, but that’s just for the sake of backstory. are you ready to dive in this twisted fantasy?

Jake Gyllenhaal. Known as Hall. He exploded the charts after being picked up by one of the biggest record companies for his first album: Hall of Fame. He was a rookie, yet he was older than most of the rappers you can think of today. He worked his way up undercover. He started participating in poetry and slam nights at local cafés. He became a songwriter, through connections. He sold some songs that are absolute classics today, but he does not care. He did not feel like they fit him anyway.

Growing up, Jake had it rough. There was a lot of fighting at home. His older sister was the perfect angel and him? The absolute disaster child. It was not like he ran after danger and trouble, he seemed to always be at the wrong place in the wrong time, he hung out with the wrong crowd. He managed to avoid juvie on some miracle. What was the miracle, you might ask? He was caught robbing some local bank with his “friends” and the cops, at first, did not believe he was innocent. While his friends were screaming and threatening the innocent clients of the bank, Jake actually tried to help them out of the building safely. The cops arrived at the same moment and thought he was keeping the strangers hostage. He was arrested on the spot. The other guys played the victims, blamed it all on Jake but it was only when Jake wrote the whole story, from the beginning where his friends manipulated him and made of him their puppet to when he felt this adrenaline rush telling him he needed to save the strangers that night. His writing was too sincere, too raw to be a web of lies. The police released him, but they kept an eye on him.

His escape were writing and music. He impressed all of his teachers at school. Talented, gifted, magical. That was how they described Jake at every parent and teacher meeting. Writing dumb sentences that made very little sense and playing with a guitar after school, that did not make his parents very proud compared to his sister who was on top of all of her classes and working hard for a future of wealth and success.

Music was his entire life. He would come home from school and blast music until he was called out for dinner. Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Heart, Pink Floyd, Metallica, name it. He liked it loud. He liked it weird. He liked it with a deeper message, with double meaning.

He worked all types of jobs, some legal and some not so much. He was saving money for college. He applied. He got in. He started his classes. He had big dreams, too, he had ambitions. Maybe he could his talent to good use? He wanted to study philosophy, literature, music, creative writing... Anything that required thought and depth. He made friends, there. He befriended the edgy punk guy, he had tattoos everywhere, he listened to the same bands, he was quiet but his essays spoke volumes.

Jake was disappointed, his illusions were broken. He hated the format of his classes, the feeling like his opinion and his inspiration did not matter, it was always about meeting some stupid requirements to please a rich professor who did not care about passion, about talent, about originality. Jake dropped out, soon followed by his friend. His friend was hired at a tattoo parlor and Jake hung out there all the time. He would stay up until 5 am, 6, 7, all night and all day long. He loved the clients there. He would write and read his writing out loud to the clients when they were tortured by the needle shooting the ink in their skin. Talented and gifted, they all the same thing.

He started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

He wrote, not just stories and opinion pieces. He started writing songs, melody and lyrics. He started playing them, he started writing his own poetry too. He was introduced to freestyle battles. And as he fought against other talented thinkers, he noticed he spoke with a tempo, with a rhythm. He was rapping and he did not even realize it.

His career sky rocketed from the moment a music producer attended one of the rap battles. He was famous, he got quite the thick wallet and the connections. Jake was introduced to legends of hip hop. They all influenced him as his career grew to become something overwhelming and terrifying, yet thrilling and addictive.

Hall had a style of his own, though. It was romantic, yet absolutely disgusting and dark. It was aggressive, yet vulnerable and philosophical. He spoke of his trauma, of his hatred, of his envy, of his fears... He used his songs as an escape. He was becoming his own escape.

And his own prison. His family did not care about him, he was a shame, even. Aside from his old college friend, he never built strong friendships. They were all after him for fame and cash. He slept around, guys and gals, threesomes, foursomes... He did not care, anything for some genuine connection, even if it lasted for a very lazy and messy fifteen minutes in the trashy bathroom of a concert hall. Rumour had it he was a great lover, but he was so bad at loving.

Now it gets interesting...

Hall rapped alongsides Eminem, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Travis Scott... The biggest pop stars were fighting just to get him to rap a line in their songs. Rihanna wishes he was the one singing Love the way you lie, does that give you an idea? He appeared on duets. He wrote more solo albums, sold them instantly. He never left the top of the billboard in weeks, months, if not years. It never really got to his head. He was still that sensitive boy writing about knights and princesses in his bedroom with walls covered by band posters. Fans did not care about this side of him, they loved him for his lyrics about snorting coke, drinking his pain away and fucking whoever wore the tiniest skirt around.

His latest album, Southpaw, was an even bigger hit. Pure filth. Pure gold. Imagine 13 tracks, Cardi’s and Megan’s WAP but reversed. He does not rap about how good he fucks people. He raps about how good they feel. That’s some real depth here, no pun intended.

You met him at one of his concerts. Your friend won VIP passes, so you were standing in the front and got to take a picture with him. You did not understand the hype around taking a photo with this guy, he just stood there and looked absolutely emotionless.

You hated rap, or perhaps you loved it. You did not care much for Jake, that was for sure. You thought he was just another lame rapper who thought he was the real deal because his lyrics were so explicit, even the clean versions made angels cry. The truth was, you did not know much a bout him. You found him too commercial, like he was scared of becoming irrelevant.

You saw right through him already.

But him? He already cared too much about you. You caught his attention as he rapped his songs. He could not take his eyes off you. You weighted heavy on his mind, caused him to stutter and forget lyricvs. Fans laughed, they said he was probably too drunk or too high too focus. Drunk in love, that’s what it was.

There was something about you. Maybe it was the Black Sabbath shirt you wore. Maybe it was the unimpressed look on your face. Maybe it was your plump lips he wanted to kiss. Maybe it was the sight of you laughing with your friend that made his heart skip a beat. Maybe it was the fact you treated him like a normal person even if you had not spoken to him first.

So, you met backstage.

Your friend was beaming from ear to ear, showering Jake in compliments.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Jake asked you.

“For someone who shows no emotion, sound dead inside and look like they wish they were doing anything but making dozens of thousands of dollars by singing a couple of semi mediocre tracks, yeah, it was not that horrible.”

He was up for a challenge.

You two exchanged insults like it was a boxing match. Each round was getting more and more intense. It was no longer insults, it was straight up flirting. You noticed when your bodies were so close you could smell the scent of watermelon chewing gum that escaped from his warm breath. You could hear the way his raced even faster than yours.

You were snapped out of this fantasy by his bodyguard, indicating other fans waited for him.

He remembered the name your friend called out, saying he needed to bring you home before something bad happened.

It was the most beautiful name he had ever heard.

He hung out around that concert hall for the next couple of days. At the bar nearby, at Starbucks, at McDonald’s, anything for the sake of seeing your face again.

And he did.

You were walking out of the record store with a vinyl of Heart squeezed under your arm. You looked so happy. You had paint stains all over your clothes. You were erasing the memories of a terrible relationship by decorating your tiny apartment, and you needed to set the right ambiance. You needed guidance, you found it in the strong minds of the ladies behind Heart, in Joan Jett, in Stevie Nicks. You found your silver lining in music.

Jake ran behind you, he pretended he was out jogging and he mysteriously bumped into you. He grabbed your vinyl before it could fall on the ground.

“Nice pick.”

“We finally agree on something.”

Another round of flirty insults...

... That ended in the two of you fucking like animals on the floor of your apartment.

And fucking on the couch the next day.

On the kitchen counter the morning after.

And finally, on the bed. That was a really special one. Jake was the first person to be on your bed since the departure of your ex. He could feel that you were not in the mood for a rough battle for dominance.

That night, he made love to you.

For, quite possibly, the first time in his life, he expressed his love directly to somebody. “Princess, baby girl, beautiful, gorgeous, amazing”, he showered you in compliments, and praises. The slow movement of his hips, the intense passion in his eyes and love in his heart spoke louder than the music you were playing in the background to set the mood.

You were not just another trophee to hang on the wall. You were special.

He was special too.

He bought you every record that reminded him of you. He bought you collector items of your favourite bands. From the silliest decoration to a new car to replace your crappy one, passing by tickets to exclusive and sold-out shows, Jake had never felt more famous in his life than when he was with you.

His fans noticed the change in his songs, in his lyrics. They were just as explicit, just as rotten and just as corrupted. However, they came from a place of light and love, not of darkness and rage.

He sang about how good your felt when you climaxed around him. How drenched he was whenever he made you squirt. How he loved to taste himnself on your lips. How he was full of love and of lust for you. How he would quit everything if it meant he would live a normal life, for once, and with you.

You inspired so many songs that became massive world-wide hits.

You travelled the world with him on tour. You helped him design his new merch and you wore his t-shirts with pride. You attended concerts in your freetime. You loved staying up all night, painting and drawing while he was writing about this mirage of a goddess, blessing his existence with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes.

He was addicted to you.

He was crazy for you.

And he went crazy on you.

for research purposes and not because i wasted my time hearing eminem talk about stuff i don’t understand so i could stare at jake’s thighs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mP_cKP4OjsA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whV5oQDvVWE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGqC9URTJIQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5imXD1LPnwo

and finally, for good measure :

@gyll-yee-haw​ ily

[neroushalvaus]

Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

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1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

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2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

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3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

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4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

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5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

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6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

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7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

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8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

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9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

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10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

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I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

[bringmoreknives]

the wonderful kayla @iero tagged me to do this creator top five meme! (i’m slowly working through the tags for the last few days, i’m sorry if you’ve tagged me in something and i haven’t done it yet — i’ve been obsessively playing stardew valley ahaha but i’m trying to get back on here)

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

5. probably my parks and rec au, the first annual belleville, new jersey harvest festival, that i wrote for the my trick or treat romance fic challenge this october. i’ve never done a fic challenge before so it was really fun to try this one, and i’m proud of how it came out, especially because i normally don’t really have fun au ideas hehe

4. i think i have to go with this hesitant alien graphic set! it’s not anything super super impressive, but it really opened doors for me regarding how to make graphics and use textures and generally have some really hands-on fun in photoshop. i’ve been trying stuff like this a lot more lately, chiefly because i really didn’t set any rules for myself with this one and just kind of... went for it.

3. the stuff i made for the altpack creations week! maybe it’s kind of a copout to list a bunch of stuff haha, but to me these are kind of representations of what i’ve learned this year getting back into photoshop and editing. from the seriously intense coloring i had to do on the first two gifsets to the single mock-up to the graphic gif to the old movie-style gifset using overlays to the gifset of landslide that required making ten different videos match (and was a remake of an old gifset), it really ran me through my paces in a super rewarding way.

2. again, listing a group of works, but definitely my revenge series. this was a project i had briefly toyed around with for a really long time, but never really thought i’d actually finish, because, well, i don’t have a great track record with that kind of thing. instead, i did finish it, and what’s more, it helped me reach the payment threshold on redbubble — twice! — for the first time in two years. so very flattering, and it really kept me going during quarantine.

1. i mean i don’t think anyone will be surprised if i say that it’s inexhaustible light considering that i never shut the fuck up about it ahaha. this is another project i never expected to finish, because i knew that if i wanted to write as an homage to unholyverse, aka the thing that actually launched me headfirst and screaming back into bandom, it would have to be long as fuck. but i did finish it, and i am so incredibly proud of not only that, but the writing i did there. it has the most comments out of any fic i’ve posted and they live in a special place in my heart. it’s so dear to me.

if you read all that, well, thank you lol. i am going to tag — @taylorisapuppy @ibroughtyoumybullets @dracs @itsnotasideeffect and @dangersday if you guys haven’t been tagged yet! i love the stuff u guys make, time to love on yourselves!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[spnfanficpond]

November Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE NOVEMBER’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch​

One And One Make Three (series) by @supernatural-jackles​

This series was absolutely stunning, beautifully written, and an amazing rollercoaster of emotion. Jen handled some very sensitive subject matters with grace and wit. It has ALL the feels; I cried, laughed, and loved right along with the characters.

Nominated by @manawhaat​

Heart Of A Killer (series) by @wi-deangirl77

I love, love, LOVE, this series! The storytelling is done so simply but so effectively. Things come together beautifully and the dialogue throughout the series (and largely in ch.3) has an incredible flow and easiness to it. This tells you the story without all the bullshit but definitely with all the juicy drama and Ketch-i-ness that an Arthur Ketch lover could want.

The Right Kind Of Wrong (oneshot) @kittenofdoomage

I’m a slut for a Winchester sandwich and this one delivers. It’s Rhi. Just fucking read it and thank her for existing, okay?

Castiel Imagine (oneshot) by @webcricket

I don’t read too much Castiel because, even though I love him, I have a hard time finding authors who nail his character the way I want to read him but Cricket always gets him spot on! This is light-hearted, flirty, sweet, and hints at sexy. Plus, a flustered Dean is never not funny.

Nominated by @lovetusk​

It All Started With Some Itching Powder (series) by @iflostreturntosteverogers​

You’ve got to love brotherly banter and prank war aftermath.

When You Fall (series) by @flamencodiva​

I stumbled across this bad boy by accident and totally forgot I was suppose to be writing / editing because it sucked me in so good and I ended up binging all the chapters.

Nominated by @princessmisery666​

Sam’s Holiday Fluff (oneshot) by @crispychrissy​

This one made my heart smile. It was sweet and the characters were on point. It was nice to read Sam getting a happy moment ;)

Just Friends (oneshot) by @crashdevlin​

This one was painful but I still want more. I need part 2. Which is a testament to the awesome writing and the awesomely wicked idea ;-)

Like Art, Like Fire (series) by @fangirlxwritesx67​

I loved this. Love me some Sam anyway, but this was perfect. There were so many lines that had me swooning but one of my favs was - “Your bodies looked like art, lascivious art. In his grasp you were comfortable and beautiful and utterly shameless.”

Love it!!

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield​

I Believe That Strippers Are The Future (oneshot) by @cherry3point14​

Everything Cherry Pie writes is so funny until it’s suddenly hot. This one’s particularly hilarious and then scorching.

The Crumbling Difference Between Wrong and Right by @stusbunker​

I joked that I was no longer talking to Stuart Marie (not her name, but that’s what I call her) after she wrote this and sent it to me, but I kid. That said it’s fucking heartbreaking, and her words and arrangement thereof are so beautiful I wanna cry.

Not All Mutants Are Monsters (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr​

I sent this prompt to Bethany Elizabeth (not her name, but that’s what I call her) and never thought she’d take it. Alas, it is written and it is DIVINE. I lovvvvvvve Wanda + Dean + Natasha. Ugh, so much.

Rambling (series) by @crispychrissy​

The characterizations, the goddess, Dean. LOL I love this fic. It’s sassy (I was actually picturing the latest incarnation of Lillith as the goddess) and suspenseful and just balls out fun.

Need (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

This is cozy and sexy and so gratifying. This is exactly what Dean (and we all) needed after the Michael debacle.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis​

Anything You Can Do (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

Just good old-fashioned smut with both brothers that just hits the spot. It’s like Thanksgiving dinner. This is comfort food for the fangirl libido!

Dad Gets Awkward About These Things (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is so adorable! Awkward Dad!Dean, suave and all-knowing Uncle Sam, this is perfect!

You’ve Got Me Begging (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

Holy SHIT this shit is the SHIT, man. It’s got everything! Smut with all three Winchesters, plus tender moments with Sam, F/F for those who are into that, kinks galore, and intrigue, to boot! The plot twist in the most recent chapter has me completely flabbergasted. I really didn’t see that one coming!! Just, you know, HOLY SHIT!!!

Start of Something Good (series) by @tricia-16

It took me a while to narrow this down to just one fic of Tricia’s to nominate now that she’s a member of the Pond, but I finally settled on this one. It’s got Dad!Cas, toddler Claire being adorable as hell, lots of delicious angst for Dean and Cas to work through, and all the pining! I love to hate it when they just need to accept that it’s all good, but they can’t quite, yet, so they PINE. Tricia’s stories are so REAL, and it’s so refreshing. There’s some violence in this one you might not like, so check the tags!

Crash Into Me (series) by @crashdevlin

Some folks don’t like OFCs, but I love them, and this series is definitely worth reading, even if you don’t! I’m rooting for a happy ending for Crash! And Dean’s trying so hard. This one hurts so good!

Nominated by @littlehotmess26​

Dear Santa (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87​

She did a great job on this fic after taking a little break and I am so proud of her! This fic is so cute with Dean writing a letter to the big man in red!

The Mobster’s Girl (series) by @fictionalabyss​

Mel has worked extremely hard on this set of series and it shows. It’s well thought out and executed. Her writing grabs you and takes you along for an incredible ride!

Nominated by @wingedcatninja​

Hark And Hush (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield​

I’m not usually that much into purgatory!Dean, but this fic is a hauntingly dark delve into Dean’s mind. It made me feel emotions, and that’s what a good fic is supposed to do.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[hellishvu]

The Bad Softie: the sequel

— the long awaited part 2! finally had enough time to sit down and write an actual story :) i really wanted to post this story before i went to bed, so i will edit it in the morning!! please excuse any grammar mistakes as i am almost passing out as i write this message!

— where taehyung has the journey of finding his self expression with the help of you by his side.

warning: homophobia, bullying, and sad events!! be safe and take care of yourself <3

“Look, hows this photo?” You showed a photo of you and Taehyung at a nearby roller rink for a date. You wanted to post it on Instagram, having it small due to you generally not trusting a lot of people after what happened to Taehyung.

“You got my good angle this time.” Taehyung laughed as he had looked behind him to see the photo having his portfolio for the art school on your desk.

“What are you talking about? Every angle of you is the best angle.” You kissed his forehead as he chuckled going back to filling out the long application of setting up his portfolio.

“I have to go get a film from Jungkook. We are going to meet at the college.” Taehyung sighed as he stood next to you waiting for a kiss.

“Why are you just standing there?” You chuckled as you flicked his forehead.

“Hm? I’m not sure. Maybe this boyfriend is expecting a smooch? on the forehead perhaps?” Taehyung raised his eyebrow.

“Touché.. touché.” You kissed his forehead as he headed out to walk to the nearby college. You smiled as you waved.

Taehyung walked a very far distance, he liked it. Although it was sometimes freezing in the morning. It was the time to clear his mind, to calm him down, and to get that exercise that he had for his 2019 new year’s resolutions.

Taehyung saw those bullies, the one that constantly texted him day after day after he came out. The constant harassment that Taehyung despised almost every single day. The moment he woke up, you knew about it but Taehyung didn’t let you do anything about it. He didn’t want to give them what they wanted. Taehyung tried to walk faster pass them to avoid the hurtful words they had to say.

“Hey! It’s the faggot!” Taehyung winced at the name, the stupid name that haunted his dreams but rather they were nightmares. Taehyung picked up his pace.

“Not now. Please.” Taehyung pleaded feeling them come closer and closer; almost like they wanted to tear him apart.

“Grab him.” His old friend, well his ex-friend of Taehyung’s joined the group that decided to bully him constantly. They gripped him, Taehyung struggling as his camera fell out of his hand breaking on the ground. Taehyung held in his tears, as the memories of the cameras flooded in.

“Give us your fucking money.” Taehyung hurried to get to his pockets seeing no money and empty pockets. Taehyung prayed he had some type of money. “I forgot the money for lunch.”

“I don’t have any. I swear.” Taehyung said as he covered his face being scared of being hit.

“Yes you do, Taehyung you always have money, you’re like a peasant you buy me the snacks I want or else.” The bully slapped Taehyung across his face causing Taehyung to raise his hand up to his face seeing the tears fall.

“What the fuck is going on?!” You came screaming in pure anger. The rage you had experienced couldn’t be described as you saw all the bullies turn their head. You stepped in front of Taehyung as he started crying holding onto you.

“Get the fuck out of here and don’t ever speak to Taehyung ever again.” You spoke your words were venom. You saw the bullies run away as Taehyung sobbed again as you turned around hugging him tightly. You rubbed his back as you ran your hand through his hair to comfort him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay I’m here.” You whispered as you rocked with him hoping to calm his crying down.

“How did you get here?” Taehyung asked as he looked up you saw his red puffy eyes. You moved the strands of hair from his face.

“You forgot your money for lunch.” You snickered as you pulled the dollars out of your back pocket. You pulled Taehyung into a kiss. You wrapped your hand around his waist as you lead him to a cross-walk.

“Where are you taking me?” Taehyung asked sniffing wiping his last tears. You pulled him closer as you pointed at the sign.

“A ramen take-out place. Text Jungkook you don’t need the film. I can buy it for you.”

“But, you don’t have to. They broke my camera.”

“Oh, then I will just buy you another one. I want to help you Taehyung.” You smiled at Taehyung trying to help him forget the experience of what had just happened.

“Thank you so much.” Taehyung said in a shaky breath.

Taehyung woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes, the room is lightened by the sun in the morning. Taehyung yawned as he felt the fan breezing on him, you opened the door smiling jumping on him causing him to groan.

“Good morning baby.” You said as you laid on your back as you pinched his cheeks. Taehyung giggled as he saw your soft morning look.

“I have a surprise for you.” You gave him a wrapped present that you bought the early morning of today. You saw Taehyung rip into the present like he was a kid once again. You pushed the wrapping off to the side as Taehyung open a black box the suspense looked like it was going to kill him.

“Open it!” You said becoming impatient for Taehyung. He opened it to see two tickets to his favorite artist. You saw his eyes widen, as you expected a very big hug next.

“You didn’t!” As expected Taehyung hugged you basically jumping onto you causing you to lay down. You smiled as you felt his genuine happiness.

“When- How?! How did you get them?”

“I saved up some money plus you always talk about them and I thought you seeing them could help you.”

Those little things you did for Taehyung, whether he was too scared to go a grocery store from the anxiety of people, you make sure he felt safe and you made sure no person would lay a finger on him.

Taehyung had left the college he was first in. You soon enough leaving with him, it was self-care. That toxic place of just reputations wasn’t what life should be like Taehyung had thought. He fully immersed himself into art, whether it was trying acting, photography, or drawing. You supported him.

You drove him to art classes, photography classes, and acting classes. You helped him, you saw a man being free to become himself. When he got home from a lesson you would hear him go on tangents that you never got tired of.

“Oh god, I hope I’m not annoying.” You hit him on the shoulder.

“Of course you’re not annoying, Taehyung I’m glad. You get to experience this, you deserve it.”

“I haven’t turned it in.”

“What?”

“My application.”

“Tae-” The first 3 words, sounded disappointed and that’s what Taehyung hated so much. He wanted you to be proud of him and of the progress, he’s made.

“I’m scared, my whole life science has been shoved down my throat but what if I’m just not good enough?” Taehyung cleared his throat as he saw the corner of the desk being filled with pieces that he’s thrown out, crushed, or cut up.

“You have art, your way of thinking is so different and beautiful from many other people. You will become so successful with your art. You just have to put yourself out there.”

“What if they are just like the old college? Where I get harassed, degraded, and insulted?” Taehyung felt his eyes sting, the ripping of his confidence as the memories floods back in almost like an emotional tsunami.

“They won’t, I promise you. Most of the world nowadays are becoming accepting, they are just one rotten batch of apples. Your sexuality should never stop you from achieving your goals.” You held his hands as you pressed your forehead against his feeling his soft breathes.

“You deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you, so much. I will turn it in tomorrow. It’s all finished but it was just collecting dust.” Taehyung said as you kissed him embracing him.

“The letter came in, oh god oh god!” Taehyung grabbed it from the dinner table that you two shared. Taehyung gave it to you looking away from it.

“You open it! I can’t I can’t!” Taehyung paces around the room and finds himself biting his nails which he hasn’t done since 9th grade.

“Are you sure?” You ask as Taehyung nodded pointing at the letter. The sound of the letter being opened as you pull it out, opening the destiny of Taehyung.

“Dear Kim Taehyung, we are happy to inform you that you have been accepted!” You scream as Taehyung jumps in the air, grabbing the letter seeing the big bold words. Taehyung jumps on you as he wraps his legs around your waist as you kiss him.

“Holy shit, I’m going to my dream fucking school.” Taehyung’s mind couldn’t comprehend. It was like he was dreaming.

“Well, now we have to get you clothes! For your new year!” You said as you opened his wardrobe seeing just jeans and t-shirts. Taehyung always found himself at night when you’re sleeping looking at fashion shows of more unique pieces of clothing. He fantasized about it like a kid wanting to be Batman.

“Maybe it’s bland. Just haven’t gotten to that part of my journey yet.” Taehyung talks about it like its a sacred thing. He always wanted to wear clothes that were not just 2 simple pieces.

“Baby, you can order online. I will get it from the post office if you want me to. I want you to self-express because you have the taste of the 9 gods.” You said as you logged into your home desktop that you and Taehyung saved money for. You clicked on a website known for streetwear and gestured Taehyung sit in the office chair.

Taehyung went nuts on that day, at first, he got little stuff of pastels. Wore them but hide most of it under a coat. Later days went by, weeks also and he was wearing pastels. From dark colors like black, grey, and light greys to pastels like pink, purple, and blues. He had alternated, he likes his dark colors and his pastels. He didn’t need to identify with one set of colors, he was a free man.

Now the day had finally arrived, and the temptation of saying “No I can't do this.” showered Taehyung’s mind as he got ready for his first class. You made him breakfast that was barely eaten due to the nerves in his stomach. You drove him, letting him take aux to help him calm down. You arrived and Taehyung was looking in his backpack to see if he had everything he needed.

“You have been so understanding.” Taehyung smiled as you held his hand. You parked in the back as Taehyung’s new semester had begun. The art school that he dreamed of taking since he was 13. It was in front of his eyes, you opened the car door, Taehyung staying the car as he watches you walk around to his side.

You opened the door, seeing Taehyung look up before he takes your hand pulling you into a tight hug you rubbing his back.

“You got this, you’ve gone through hell and back just to not go Taehyung.” You smiled as you fixed the hat that he wore. The love in his eyes, as you gestured that he started walking before he was late to his first class.

a/n: the end! I hope you all like it, feel free to read this for authors mindset on this, so the reason I wrote this story was to explain the heaviness of coming out, especially if you have an anti-LGBT situation. we love you!! and please stay strong and love yourself! because you are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with you, no matter what race, gender, or age. you deserve to be happy.

[foxwatchesanime]

How I stopped caring about comments: A rambly post by me

This is rambly so hold onto your seats, I apologies. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about comment/review culture in the last few months, particularly after returning to a brand new fandom as a writer and regular content creator. Maybe this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, maybe not, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the way I perceive comments, how it’s changed for me since I’ve been in fandom and I’d love to hear from other people what their opinion is and how they relate to comments on their work.

I’ve been creating content in fandom spaces for about eleven years now. I started out on YouTube when I joined my first fandom, Merlin, and I made my first fanvideos in 2009. In December of 2009, I published my first fanfiction, plus one sequel which remains unfinished as well as a few other smaller projects. In October of 2010, I published my first podfic and would go on to publish two more. My focus in fandom had always been YouTube, where I regularly created fanvideos. My schedule was never consistent, as with most vidders back in the day, but I’d be comfortable in saying I posted regularly discounting three unintentional hiatuses, one in 2013 following the Merlin finale, one in 2015 probably due to a lack of inspiration and one in 2017 after what I was sure was going to be my permanent comeback to YouTube, only for my hard drive to break and delete all my footage yeeeeeey. 

I’ve now made an actual, official return to my original platform, this time creating videos for my new passion and fandom: anime. Since February of 2020 I’ve also been regularly publishing fic and have no desire to stop doing so. I’m thoroughly invested in new fandom spaces again and am engaging with its fans and the content. 

But the one thing I have seen change drastically in my approach to things is commenting, following and general engagement. 

Let’s take a step back. 

When I first started posting content, comments were not something I even had in my consciousness. I think I knew YouTube comments existed, but I didn’t really pay attention to it. I didn’t even know what subscribers were until I started hearing other people talk about them and then I suddenly felt like it’s something I should be keeping an eye on myself. 

In a centuries old vlog of mine that is now private on my channel, I noticed that when I hit 100 subscribers, I made a video thanking everyone because I was so excited that with more subscribers, I was going to “make more friends.” Oh dear xD 

But the truth is, I have been consistently and chronically bad at keeping up with or caring about the analytics of my various platforms. It wasn’t till writing this post today that I went to check my FF.net account to see how many comments my first two Merlin fics ever got. I still couldn’t tell you my exact number of YouTube or Ao3 subscribers, how many hits or kudos my fic have and I don’t think I’ve ever checked my bookmarks for notes, or whatever you’re able to leave on there. 

Commenting culture on YouTube, for all my joking earlier, was primarily about connection, at least back then. Most of the old guard have moved on and those who have remained are now vidding in other fandoms. The social aspect of YouTube in my opinion has changed dramatically since I was at my peak output on there, but I remember how interactive the comments sections used to be. They literally were, where you made friends.  

A couple of years ago, me and a friend of mine started a Merlin podcast called Merlisten. We created it for fun and without many expectations of what might come out of it. And it was this that changed my relationship with commenting for good. 

Doing Merlisten felt, for the first time in a long time, like pure creativity and passion without anyone’s permission. We always encouraged people to leave feedback as one does, but I don’t think either of us expected to get much, if any. Even considering the incredible support we’ve received with feedback coming in almost every single episode now, there is still a clear and overwhelming gap between the amount of comments given to an episode of Merlisten, to one of my old fanvids or fics. It’s even more interesting when one considers how much more effort and time went into creating Merlisten compared to say, editing or writing, at least for me personally. The amount of man hours spent on creating one 2.5 hour episode from pre-production to final posting often outweighs any other video or chapter I’ve created. Not always, but often. 

What struck me as interesting, however, was that even though comments weren’t always consistent and I always love and continue to love reading them, it’s not what was fuelling me to work hard on this project. I was doing it because I adored it and I knew it was something I was proud to put into the world. 

And that literally changed everything.

I think for a long time, I was always trying to cater my art to what might get the most attention or please the widest demographic of people. It’s how you think when you’re young and you don’t know any better. But for the first time, I was creating something on my own terms that I had no idea if anyone would even listen to and the actual creative process of making said art was ten times more rewarding than any single comment I could ever read. Which really, what I realised, is what art is supposed to be. I can safely say that if Merlisten didn’t get a single comment from here on in, I would still want to see it to its conclusion for one very simple reason: Because I had something to share. 

This brings me to my recent return to writing fic in fandom and it’s not a decision I’ve regretted for a second. More than anything, I’ve realised how personal art can really be, especially when it’s in writing. I’ve found it revealing and cathartic and fascinating in a way that I didn’t ever imagine.

But more importantly, I’ve realised that the real beauty for me in engaging in art is the ability to get an emotional response from it or to relate to it. And that goes for both other people’s work and my own. I can feel just as invested in my own work as someone else’s and that’s not because I think my work is amazing, it’s because I know it’s come from something that was living in me. When I put something out there that I made with my own two hands, that feeling now trumps any sort of feedback I could possibly get and that’s the endorphin I live off. 

Don’t mistake this for me not liking comments, that’s obviously not true. My brain gets the same dopamine hit as anyone’s when I get a notification for something or other, but I’ve realised that I have a very specific relationship with comments that I definitely didn’t have before, if my requests for review on FF.net is anything to go by.

Now, what I find exciting and thrilling is the thought that, if writing this fic got this sort of emotional response out of me, the writer, I wonder if there are other people out there who think the same way I do? Who have a similar way of experiencing joy or suffering or humour or who like the same things as me? That, is an insanely invigorating feeling. And then when someone chooses to take time out of their day to tell you that what came from your head is the same sort of way they feel about life? That’s not a comment, that’s not feedback, that’s a connection you have with another person. And that’s where I start to get excited. And it’s taken me this fucking long to realise it. 

Honestly, I was really worried upon returning to writing and vidding this year that my experience working in digital marketing, where everything is about numbers and social media is all about engagement and nothing else, that I would be overwhelmed and not be able to switch off the part of my brain that’s been trained to think like that. I’m so relieved that that’s not the case. 

As previously mentioned, I suck at giving a shit about analytics and looking at my own stats. I couldn’t give a flying fuck. But I did just go and check my YouTube videos since returning back to vidding. Not a single one of them has views over 200 at this point. Most have less than 100. My most viewed video on YouTube has 57,000 views. And the thing is, there might have been a time when I looked at that and thought, well, this means I suck. This means I can’t make art. This means there’s no point to it.

But no, that's not true.

The point is not how many people see it, how many people like it, how many people comment on it. The point is that I made it. I’m going to continue making YouTube videos despite the fact that the algorithm will destroy any chances they have at getting engagement or views. Even if not one single person comments on them. Because when I’ve finally rendered a new video, or finished proof reading a new chapter, I feel so fucking happy that everything else is just window dressing to me now. 

Because not only is online engagement and following such a stab in the dark these days anyway with algorithms changing and trends moving constantly, but this is the real truth about comments, following and feedback:

The truth is, I don’t need a stranger on the internet to praise me so that I can feel good about my art. The day that I start doing that, I’ve already lost. I used to think that way on a regular basis. Guess what, it didn’t make me produce better art. It didn’t make my life better. Because being validated by others never does. It doesn’t matter how many keysmashes I might get or how many sonnets or kind words, because If I don’t like what I create, there isn’t a single human being on the planet who will make me like it, no matter what they say or how they say it. For others, this might not be the case. But this is my reality. 

I know this, because I recently speed-wrote and published a fic for a fanweek. I wrote 13k in about 8hrs. So far, it’s received nothing but positive words. But it doesn’t matter. After I published it, I had a crisis about how it wasn’t good enough, that there should have been an extra arc, that it ended too quickly, that there wasn’t a climax. Even as the comments came in, it didn’t change my mind. Because other people’s comments will never really lead to fulfilment. 

I want you all to know that I get emotional over every single comment that is sent to me. Every personal story, ever keysmash and heartfelt thoughtful message that took the time to analyse my work. Connecting with you guys has been one of the biggest joys of entering this fandom. But it’s not going to be what fuels me to create and to carry on doing the best work I can. All I can do is treat it as the wonderful privilege that it is, and not any part of the reason I do it.  

In conclusion:

Finally, at age 27 and in the midst of enjoying fandom after a very long period of being either meh about it or lurking, I finally feel content with the fact that I want to create in order to put things out into the world that I worked hard on, that I’m passionate about and that hopefully, in whatever way it might be, it might have touched someone who feels the same things too. It makes me feel accomplished, it makes me feel like I might be contributing something small to the world and it makes me feel like maybe one other person was made happy by it. And even if they never tell me that and if no one else ever comments on what I create, or even if they comment on it in spaces that I never see; private servers, chats between friends or blogs that I don’t follow, that’s also fine. Because there’s always at least one person who is going to feel happy that she made something. And that’s me. 

The short version: I never used to care about comments, then I did, and now I no longer do. 

Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted this here for myself to look back upon in case my opinion ever changes on this or I ever start to lose my way again and feel overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your guys’ experiences with this sort of thing and whether you’ve ever felt bogged down by the need for feedback.

[pseudofaux]

Meetings

EDIT 15 December: Peep This Part Two, Sweetbean! Who needs a bj? Masamuneitsuhide! Mitsuhide needs way more love in this fandom (and in the mouths that love him?) period. Someone on the SLBP Discord brought up this concept-- I believe in discussing a request that had been made, this is not meant to directly satisfy that request or horn in on anyone else’s efforts, I just could not get the office better-than-an-old-fashioned (#officenewfangled?) out of my head, and I bipped this up in less than 24 hours because that’s how my brain lets me address my to-write list. WTF PSEUDOBRAIN.

Please enjoy, gentle readers! Hope everyone is having a wonderful almost-winter. Here in the midwestern US I sit green and hella jelly that friends around the country have snow and I’ve got exactly bupkis except frozen ground. I am drinking ALL the hot chocolate in protest in a move I am CERTAIN my health care provider would give me a thumbs up on.

Tagging @dear-mrs-otome @cavern-of-bells @raventheempress @shikikira @wonky-glass-ornament @unicornthug4life @jemchew @suzunesays @yoolee @little-mini-me-world @sengokugenkigirl @quincette @rubyleeray @karalija @saizos-little-lady @catchthespade @ihavenotfallenyet @eth-real @han-pan @nightingaledarling @demonintheally @oh-my-otome ILU ALL 5EVER

Akechi Mitsuhide tried his best, always. Including making sure he was ready for work in the morning and had everything he needed.

But. If he was foolish or rushed enough to leave something he needed at home, his wife was always gracious enough to bring it to work with her later that morning. They’d have a sweet, teasing phone call and arrange to meet up on campus so he could get it. She worked for the university’s school of nursing and he was the dean of the college of letters and sciences. So it was easy to meet during the day. Walk one of the tiny garden paths between buildings, admire nature while holding hands. The two of them were respectable. Comfortable. Sweet on one another. His secretary and his wife adored each other. They certainly got to talk often enough.

There had been a day where he was so flustered from waking up to a thrice-snoozed alarm (she had worn that damned, blessed dress to a foundation dinner the night before, and they had been up correspondingly late) he ran out the door as soon as he possibly could to make the train just in time to catch his first meeting of the day.

Without a tie, or his satchel.

But she was waiting for him in his office when he arrived there after the meeting. She presented him with a bagel, too, toasted just as he preferred and with the right amount of cream cheese on it and still warm in the napkins she’d wrapped it in at home. She looped his tie around his neck with sure hands, smoothing it gently against his chest when she was done. She told him she loved him and to have a good day. And then she sauntered... because it could only be called a saunter, and if she could walk at all after the night before a saunter was certainly appropriate, out of his office to go about her own day.

And his whole heart, his whole body, sighed in happiness to love and be loved by her. Their partnership was so solid. They were really in a happy place.

Then there had been another morning when he hadn’t realized his laptop wasn’t in the satchel before leaving; somehow the weight of several folios in its place had comparable heft. When he got to his office after yet another first-thing-in-the-morning meeting with Provost Oda and learned of his mistake, he considered just operating from the desktop all day. As he turned to the monitor, he saw a post-it note with familiar writing.

Check under your desk, darling. Xoxo.

There was his laptop, with a granola bar and a bottle of coffee resting on top of it. His body got goosebumps and the most delicious warmth, knowing she had been here not long ago, knowing that his wife took the best care of him that she could. He needed to do better for both their sakes, but the comfort of knowing someone was always there for him was so very reassuring.

He sent her flowers. The florist was very familiar with him and what he liked to send his wife, and took his order with an obvious smile in her voice. That night at home Tsumime called for him to please bring her a robe, and when he opened the door, petals were floating on her bathwater.

The two of them made a terrible mess of the ensuite. God, he loved her so. And he felt relieved and reassured every day that he trusted she loved him, too; made it so obvious through the care she took of him and of them.

After that, she would hide presents under his desk from time to time, always leaving a post-it on his monitor or phone or a little doodle and smile on the date on his desk calendar. The presents would be things he had forgotten, or poems she had written for him, or an unexpected packed lunch of his favorite treats. Always wonderful, always very her, always very them.

Today’s meeting with all the other deans had been long and particularly hard to get through. The bunch usually worked well together, but this morning… something had been off. He was unsettled when he returned to his office. A tired smile for his secretary was all the greeting he could manage.

“Welcome back, Mr. Akechi. Can I get you anything?”

“Good morning, Hidemitsu. No, thank you."

He stopped halfway between Hide's desk and the door to his office.

"Er—actually, could you try to get Tsumime on the phone, please?”

“Ah…” His secretary’s face looked pained. Usually Mitsuhide would stop and make sure everything was alright, but this morning had just been too heavy. He waved off his own request with a casual “Don’t worry about it,” and opened the door to his office.

He hung up his coat on the rack and sat down on the firm sofa just inside the door. It took less than a minute to realize this was not a problem he could think through, he needed to work it through. He should email the holdouts from this morning’s meeting and see what assurances they needed to proceed confidently. So he got up, rolled his shoulders, and moved to his desk.

He glanced at the messages Hide had left in a neat pile on his desk before laying his thumb on the monitor’s sensor to turn it on. He sat down and had his fingers on the keys before he thought maybe, maybe, she might have stopped by with a present earlier. She always seemed to know. If not, it would be no disappointment—her gifts were always appreciated but unexpected—but… it had been a difficult morning, and he just... wanted to check. He felt foolish but decided to let himself peek.

So he pushed back his chair, enough to be able to peek under his desk.

A pair of sweet, dark eyes flashed back at him, above the smile he loved best in all the world. He was glad he had looked!

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, my dear,” he said, meaning every word. Her smile grew.

“I love you,” she said. “Umeko told me the meeting didn’t go so well this morning. Are you okay?”

“I love you,” he said, thanking his lucky stars. “Sweetheart, won’t you come out from under th—hey!”

She came forward a bit, not entirely out from under the desk as he’d try to ask, but now her beautiful face was in the light and looking at him with an expression of complete care and radiant love. Her palms were on the tops of his thighs with a promise of a different kind of complete care. Not the flowery kind, but very intensely felt.

“No, my darling, I think I’ll stay right here for a few minutes.”

She had his trousers unzipped and unfastened, and his cock out in the air and then in her mouth and hands before his brain could quite catch up with her.

God, it was warm.

God, it was so comfortable and thrilling.

God, he wanted to wrap her perfectly curled ponytail around his wrist and hold her head and fuck. her. face.

NO!

“Sweetheart,” he tried again, voice a squeak, a rasp, unfamiliar to him. “Thi-this is so good. But you... d-don’t have to oh my god…”

She was doing some delicate thing with her teeth along the lower ridge of his shaft, something new and wonderful. Then her mouth was gone from him, and he, so proud of his self-control, actually whined.

“Mr. Akechi,” she said sweetly, all deference. His cock twitched when he heard her call him that, and the movement did not escape her notice, coquettish eyes drifting down to watch and then back up to his.

“I would never do anything I did not want to do. And I very much,”

She moved her mouth closer to the head of him. He held his breath.

“...want to do...”

The flat of her tongue went from the base of his cock to the tip. It was only the complete power of her eyes, locked with his, that kept him from throwing back his head.

“...this.”

She hissed the word but it was a sweet sound, and the little kiss she placed on his tip had his own mouth forming a grin—

Until she pushed her open mouth onto him, and he hit the back of her throat. Until she hummed around him, and he nearly died on a groan.

Mitsuhide murmured her name, breathing erratically. He brought a hand to her hair but just let it rest. It would not be safe to thread his fingers through her hair, wouldn’t do to mess it up—and he would—or lose control and push her down against his crotch.

She held him in her throat like she was keeping him safe. And in a way she was. Only his Tsumime could manage so earthy an act as a clear effort of love.

“Darling,” he said with extreme effort, “I’m—nnh—very, very grateful for this.”

She brought her head back.

“I know, Mitsuhide,” she said softly. She pressed a kiss to his length, and then kisses became long, slow licks before she took him back into her mouth and treated him with care he could never deserve.

It was the most careful (the sense of being full of care only. They were in his office!) blow job he had ever received. It could only be ranked evenly with all the other presents she would ever hide under his desk, because they were gifts of her regard for him, and there was no putting things that precious in order.

He stuttered her name as her magic brought him close. He knew he would wreck her beautiful hair if he didn’t move his hand right that minute, so he did, both hands now on the arms of his chair.

“Honey,” she said around him, “it’s alright. I love you, and I want to help you relax.”

God, this woman.

“I-I think I would get rough, and I don’t want to, here.”

Her eyes showed him her sweet smile when her mouth could not. “Okay.”

She went slower, and drew his orgasm from him with the gentle dedication of a dream. Before his mind went blank he resolved return this favor as soon as she would let him. And make her dinner. It was her night to make dinner, right? So he could do that. And buy tickets to that symphony. And take a day off the following month and ask her to do the same, so they could spend special time together.

Tsumime didn’t always swallow—he never expected her to—but this time she made a show of it, showing him the milkiness on her tongue before closing her mouth and swallowing. And fuck if she didn’t make even that look as elegant as ballet.

She used her mouth to clean him up and then nuzzled her cheek against the inside of one of his thighs as she tucked his manhood back into his clothes and refastened his trousers.

“Tsumime,” he breathed, feeling safe now to stroke her hair, “You are the best thing in my world.”

“As you are in mine,” she said, pushing up on her knees and reaching to pull him to her kiss. He rested his forehead against hers when they were done, and then helped her stand up.

“I love you,” he said when she was in his arms, stroking her back in their usual matched rhythm of the soothing gesture.

“Oh, sweetheart, I know. I love you, too. I’m sorry it was a tough meeting.”

“…What?”

She pulled back from him with a silly expression. “Your meeting this morning?”

He could feel his own cheeks coloring. Mitsuhide had honestly forgotten, and confessed as much. She laughed with delight that made him want to fight dragons to give her anything, everything she ever desired.

“I’m going to go to my own office now. I hope your day gets better,” she said, cupping his cheek.

Laying his hand over hers, he replied, “I am honestly not sure how it could be improved at the moment.”

His wife glanced at the sofa in his office. “I have any idea,” she said, soft and arch and-- god, this woman, his wife-- “But I’ll save it for the next bad meeting. And may it be a long time in coming.”

He could not help pulling her to him by her waist, pushing his groin to her body.

“Not too long,” he said, a heavy, beautiful wish. Her smile widened.

“I love you, Mitsuhide.”

“I love you, Tsumime. Thank you.”

She parted from his body slowly, and gave him a little wave.

And then she was gone.

He returned to his desk chair, relaxed but already missing her.

There was a note on his monitor that had absolutely not been there before he found her.

A small gift under the desk for you. I love you always.

Mitsuhide pressed a kiss to the paper before tucking it in his shirt pocket, knowing himself to be the luckiest man on the planet.

A box was indeed leaning against the paneling that made up the deskfront. He got out of his chair to kneel and reach for it, breathing in deeply to try to catch wind of her perfume. No luck, sadly. As he fished the little box out he wondered what might be inside—she didn’t like to give gift cards, and that was the type of box she had left him.

The box, he realized, did smell very much like her, so much so that she had to have used her perfume on it. He breathed in deeply and then sat the box on the surface of his desk and sat himself down to open it with proper ceremony.

He shimmied the lid off and set it to the side. The fine tissue paper she’d folded over whatever little treasure she left for him made him smile. His wife had the best eye for these details. He moved the paper, curious.

He went pale as his pulse spiked. Skyrocketed, really. His mouth was drier than the day of their wedding and his pants were much too tight. Everything felt too tight.

The phone chirped and he nearly jumped, covering the box with his hands like a guilty child.

Hide's voice, back to his normal pleasant professionalism, was on the speaker: “Mr. Akechi, Mr. Toyotomi is calling. Are you available?”

[magicmirrored]

On March 22, 2014, I created whiteravenandblackdove, my first ever fandomless OC roleplay blog on Tumblr. I had previously only played canons up to that point, and I hadn’t been roleplaying on Tumblr for long. Over three years, I built up relationships, not just with muses but with muns, had interacted with pushy/rule-breaking blogs, had a months-long incident with an emotional manipulator, real-life matters, and long nights of fun dash shenanigans. I met some absolutely amazing people there, some I still talk to, others I don’t.

Eventually, I changed the years-old URL to magicmirrored.

Come 2017, and I was preoccupied with one of my other blogs, and had been neglecting the twins for months due to lack of motivation and just an overall feeling of negativity whenever I logged on. But I have had Laine and Zane Misota as characters for years, and I was not going to give up on them.

So I rebooted. Started over fresh. And it was the best idea I had.

I have never met a group of people so readily accepting and welcoming of a new person, so actively kind and appreciative of one another. On the old blog, I always had this issue of “belonging”--I was fandomless and an OC blog, I didn’t fit in anywhere. Now, despite my dash being a wide array of fandoms, I’ve realized that it isn’t a fandom that makes me feel loved: it was the people. And you all have made me feel so at home over the past two months that I’ve had this blog so far. I cannot express just how grateful I am.

It’s been a long time since I’ve consistently had this much fun on a roleplay blog.

So! Let’s get to the sappy part, shall we?

THE SHITPOST CRUSADERS

I would be absolutely remiss to not mention these guys. These people have accepted me and treated me like one of their own from day one, have supported me in the lowest points of my life, have cheered me up whenever I needed it. We’ve dealt with drama and shitty people, dealt with our internal issues, and given each other a resource of love and support that I honestly don’t know where I’d be without. You guys aren’t just my closest friends, you guys are my family. I am honored to be a part of such an amazing group.

I’m not going to tag all of you because half of you aren’t on Tumblr too much anymore (not that I blame you), but know that I absolutely love you guys. Thank you for everything. <3

THE VANGUARD’S FINEST

These are the people I talk to/interact with the most, those who have become dear friends to me and who I love with all my heart.

@shadowhunting-wolf: Dakota!! My IRL best friend, my sister, my DUDE. Words can’t describe how absolutely proud I am of you. You’ve gone on to follow your dream, your calling, regardless of who says what. Even when you have doubts about yourself, you’ve never given up. You are a beautiful, creative, and astounding person who I’m honored to call my best friend. I love you bro <3

@unfriiended Wyatt! I honestly owe the success of my blog to you. Because of your immediate acceptance and welcome of me, others saw me and welcomed me as well, and suddenly, I had a new group of friends that had become invaluable to me--very much including you. You are such a positive force on my dash, the image of staying kind, even if the rest of the world around you is not. That speaks volumes about your personal integrity, and I am absolutely honored to be friends with someone as creative and talented and overall amazing as you are. Make sure to take care of yourself <3

@fakedself: Toki! Holy shit where do I even begin with you? Your writing’s gorgeous and fluid, your art is lovely (especially the coloring, fuck i love your coloring???), your characterization is absolutely top-notch, your passion for Jared is admirable--there’s just too much to talk about! OOC, however, you are simply amazing. You are such a fun and friendly individual to interact with, and are always willing to hear me out on whatever ideas I may have for our muses (whether they’re adorable, painful, or both if we’re lucky). Thanks for that, by the way--I know I can get long-winded, so thank you for being so patient with me. And when it came to personal shit, you were endlessly supportive, and it means to much to me. I fucking love you man <3

@greenxnova / @mysteryisms: Connor! One of the most adorable, kindest kids that I know! I love your writing, your art, your ideas--everything! You’re an absolute joy to talk to, whether it’s plotting or screaming about current interactions or just talking nonsense, I always love whenever we talk. Your creativity is amazing, and I love seeing what else you’ll do with your characters, and the interactions they have with others. I know sometimes you may doubt yourself, but never forget that you are such a talented person--and remember that you can only grow from where you are with practice <3

@h-eadphxnes: Cece! Ohhhh my god, where to begin, because there is so much that I can say about you?? You’re such a sweetheart to everyone you meet, you’re easygoing with a great sense of humor, you’re insanely creative, honestly you’re an inspiration! You have such interesting characterization and execution of said characterization, and your prose writing is something I always look forward to seeing. I am honored to know someone like you <3

@setsfire: Eli! I’ve followed you since this blog’s conception, and you have been nothing short of sweet and courteous to me, even when we weren’t mutuals (I have seen people been less than kind to their non-mutual followers). Your passion for Rich is incredibly admirable, and it’s always a joy to watch you develop him and flesh him out and give him the proper respect he deserves as a character. Your writing is gorgeous and lively, and it complements your characterization of Rich beautifully. I hope we can interact more soon <3

@totallyboss: Ky! You know I think it’s pretty fucking hilarious how we met over a game of CAH, and we’ve been friends ever since! Listen Ky, your writing is flowing and descriptive and bursting with character, your passion for Jake is infectious, your art is simply beautiful! And OOC, you are welcoming and excited and an absolute joy to talk to and plot with. I love talking to you, whether about characters or shows or art or whatever we happen to speak about. I always look forward to every conversation we have. Keep doing you <3

@snowlost / @vintageloved: Richie! Holy fuck dude I love you. Seeing you on my dashmakes my day a little bit brighter. I adore your characterization of whatever muse you have, and I always look forward to interacting with you. You are so sweet and fun and creative and are just so pleasant to speak with. You are precious and adorable and so talented, especially with your graphics! Thanks for staying with me for so long, it means so much to me, you are such a wonderful friend <3

@pitifulbefore: Lune! Like Eli, you have been nothing short of kind and courteous to me when we were non-mutuals, and nothing about that has changed since we became mutuals. Your passion for Jeremy is so admirable, and it’s always a pleasure to see you so excited over him. Your writing is fluid and personalized, capturing every tic and every motion expertly. -hugs- I know things haven’t been going well for you lately, so I’m sending out my love to you. You are a strong, brave person, and I believe in you <3

@plcyerone / @sawcoming: Minnie! Again, even when we weren’t mutuals, you were so kind and accepting of me. You treated me like a friend, and were so warm and open that I felt immediately comfortable around you. Your writing is beautiful, your characterization lively, your voice-acting really nice! And your edits, god, your talent for editing is simply fantastic! You are so kind,and I simply adore you <3

@irnwrk / @3amhigh: Bane! I really have to thank you--I had never really tried to interact with a blog I wasn’t mutuals with, but you were so polite in answering my questions and reassuring me. It meant so much to me. God, you are so creative and passionate with each muse that you make. Your writing is nothing short of captivating, and I look forward to reading each reply of yours. Thank you for being so accepting and kind; we need more people like you in the world <3

@wisheddead: Lex! Can I just mention how incredibly strong and brave you are? Even when faced with backlash and internal struggles, you still log on, still spread love and positivity to your friends. That is incredibly admirable, and you should be so proud. I love your take on Michael, how you portray his struggles, his flaws, his strengths. You are an absolute sweetheart and I love talking with you <3

@missingkxd: Hannah! The moment I posted that thing about wanting ships, it was all down hill from there. We are way too deep into this hell and I am loving it. There’s something so special about your writing that I can’t quite place--I think it’s just how much character is shown in your narration. It is nothing short of excellent. I adore plotting with you, and I always look forward to reading a reply of yours because I’m always captivated by what you write. You are an open and honest person, one who is so kind and considerate and so very, very strong. I love you so much <3

@outofthelight: Callie! Truly one of the sweetest people I know, someone with plenty of creative ideas and excellent characterization. Seriously, I cannot get over how much you nail Evan’s character, and how your writing style reflects that. You are such an articulate and well-spoken person; talking with you is a joy. You are always there to give me support when I need it, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. You are absolutely wonderful, don’t forget that <3

@kibouzuru: Melody! My dude! You and I have been following each other for--fuck, for years now! We instantly clicked when I had my Komaru, and we’ve been friends ever since. You have been nothing short of kind and friendly and fun to me, whether it’s planning out angst or ships, huge fight scenes, or indulging ourselves in some self-insert writing. You are one of my dearest friends and I am so lucky to have met and continue to know you <3

@titanslayer: Nat! Holy fuck are you amazing. You try your absolute damnedest to make sure everyone else is happy and knows they’re loved, and you have enough sense to know when you yourself need time to recharge. You have an excellent grasp on the technicalities of writing, being able to go from serious writing to GARLIC KNOTS in an instant.I have seen few people with the passion for your muse that you do, and you have earned my respect for that (and, in turn, gave me more respect for Jason). Take care of yourself Gramma <3

@childrenofeney: Sol! God, where do I begin with you? No matter where I go, you follow, and you are so endlessly supportive and fun and cheerful and creative. It means so, so much to me that you care so much about me and my twins that you’ve stuck with me for nearly, what, four years? You are one of my dearest friends, and I wish you nothing but the best <3

@humcne​ / @lvnarloser​: Dromio! To think just how fast we became friends because you sent in a meme that broke Laine on a whim. We clicked immediately, and started throwing out plots to one another and getting so excited over our kids! You are so sweet and compassionate, and we even had fun venting with one another. I love your passion for all your characters, and your writing is a joy to read. I certainly hope we continue to interact <3

@charmingxsolace / @sora12212: Sora! I don’t even know if you’re going to see this--I don’t know how often you lurk Tumblr anymore--but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention you. You have supported me for years, always willing to lend an ear when I needed it and give me some love when I was down. I love and appreciate you and everything you do, whether it’s writing, drawing, or screaming. I really hope you see this, because you deserve to know what a lovely, unique individual you are <3

MODEL SOLDIERS

Those who I haven’t talked to as much and/or admire from afar, but would very much like to interact with!

@oftextmessages | @positronicminds | @heereyo | @lifeisaboat | @livedyears | @circusdcll | @selftrue | @fuckiingclown | @derrybcrn | @diiagnose | @dumbandantisocicl | @saitamagc / @varicnce | @purestcounselor | @eidetic187 | @shesnctafraid | @starcoveredcuffs | @nightsmaren | @stxgedork | @mindlcssvandalism | @runawaywish | @whipon | @grcysleuth | @truthbcund | @goldenpontifexmaximus / @likemymcther | @bittenvigilante | @theyrose | @ecstasyofblood​ | @cosmcther​ | @pigmeats | @fcrfcrever

And, of course...

SIGNIFICANT ANNOYANCE

@hopeprevaiils/@nepvudum

Hi Som ily

No, but really... I have to have a separate section for my significant other, Somari. I would absolutely not be the person I am today without them. In the months leading up to our relationship, they became one of my closest friends. We vented to each other, we gushed with each other, we stayed up until 4 AM on multiple occasions discussing headcanons for our muses. Our relationship went off to a bit of a rocky start, with the aforementioned emotional manipulator doing, well, what they do best, but we did not waver. Because of them, I’ve begun a recovery process--years of self-deprecation and self-hatred have finally begun to leave me. Because of Somari, I’ve actually begun to build a basis of self-confidence. I’ve begun to look at the things I’ve made and say, “Hey, this is actually alright.” Because of them, I’m starting to see myself as someone who is worth something.

Because of them, I’ve begun to love myself.

I love you so, so much Somari. You are a gift to my life, and I hope our future is bright. And even if it isn’t, you know we’ll fight like hell to create some light ourselves.

Thank you to everyone for sticking with me, supporting me, writing with me, and being dear friends to me.

Here’s to even better times in the future!

--Sakra

[amusewithaview]

Amuse Reads the “Life and Death: a reimagining of the classic novel” (aka TWILIGHT GENDERSWAPPED) Chs. 3-5

Chs. 1-2

Let me just say, re-reading 1-3 again to refresh, that she sheer number of little snide digs at Renee make me so annoyed.  It’s so pervasive and toxic.  UGH.

Also, did I mention that the main character’s full name switched from Isabella to Beaufort?  Not even Beauregard, Beaufort.  WHERE DOES S. MEYER FIND THESE NAMES???

Ch. 3

So, first off, I was wrong and the excerpt only contained the prologue and (I believe) the first two chapters.  I’m not going to go back and edit the original post because it’s old enough that I just don’t care.  MOVING ON WITH THE PATERNALISM SHOW, I MEAN SHOW.

Seriously, all of the digs at Renee’s parenting are continuing and they are so much worse with Beau than I remember them being with Bella.  Honestly, what S. Meyer is describing is neglect, essentially.  I can’t tell if that’s what she was going for or not.

The Collision (yes, it deserves the capital) happens differently.  Beau actually does hit his head pretty hard (he appears to have a mild concussion he does not have a concussion but he is clearly very dazed).

Also, Beau keeps describing Edythe’s eyes as ‘long.’  I have never before heard someone’s eyes described as ‘long’ and I’m having a hard time picturing this.  Does S. Meyer mean wide?  Does she mean they’re big like anime eyes?  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I need a more detailed description of Edythe’s eyes and their proportions with respect to the rest of her face.

Is Beau’s middle name Hannibal, or something?  “...more beautiful than any movie star I’d ever seen.  Like someone sliced up Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, and Marilyn Monroe, took the best parts, and glued them together to form one goddess.”  Are you going to ask Dr. Cullen about her skin care regimen, Beau?  Are you going to advise her to put on lotion or else she’s gonna get the hose again?

Beau has his first she’s so pretty when she’s angry moment.  Why, S. Meyer, why.

We end the chapter with Renee again ‘hysterical’ over her child being in danger.  Like, look, if somebody called my mom and told her I’d been in a car accident and that was it, then left her to stew in fear and concern for several hours, SHE WOULD BE UPSET.  LIKE MOST MOMS.  NOTHING HYSTERICAL ABOUT IT.  I just.  The language used to describe Renee bothers me so much.

Ch. 4

Beau comes off as actually a stalker when he talks about dreaming about Edythe and watching Edythe (but only from afar)?  But he acknowledges this?  It seems comparable to Bella’s level of creepitude (and she totally creeped on Edward).

Oh my god, Beau has mentioned that his attachment to Edythe and obsession with her might be unhealthy.  I am so proud of him.

I find it interesting the way S. Meyer has changed all of the characters’ canon heights to ensure that the boys are all taller than the girls.  Granted, a certain amount of sexual dimorphism is accurate, but basic genetics would dictate that most of the kids in a family would usually be of a similar height.  She’s reaching, in my opinion, and I’m not sure why this was so important to her.

Beau is upset and also chopping onions.  Is this connected?  Is he secretly crying but also onions?  Was this deliberate on S. Meyer’s part?  Did someone hand her a pamphlet on literary techniques?  More impressive, did she read it?

Forks has been upgraded from ‘prison’ to ‘purgatory,’ dear god, I had forgotten how melodramatic this character was.

“I didn’t get my balance issues from my mom.”  I find this line puzzling because we never see commentary about Charlie stumbling or tripping or otherwise being clumsy.  Also, he’s a goddamn police officer.  A klutzy cop would literally be a walking, talking safety hazard.  I take back what I said about S. Meyer learning things about writing.  I mean, I suppose we could attribute this to the POV character being oblivious to anything not directly affecting them (and BS very much IS OBLIVIOUS), but still.

Pages 64 and 65 are kind of hard to unpack.  A lot is happening here and it’s sufficiently different from the original that I’m thrown.  In a nutshell: Beau is convinced that Edythe is mocking him with her hot and cold act and gets angry at her, her beauty, and the situation (angry at her beauty = yikes).  This leads to him standing up for himself a bit more than Bella EVER did and actually walking away from Edythe, putting her in the chasing position.  Edythe is actually chasing him, as in, she offers to drive him to Seattle for his big ‘avoid the dance’ book trip.

Basically, Beau has more self-esteem than Bella in some respects.  S. Meyer has described it as Beau being less angry than Bella, but it’s honestly the exact opposite: Beau allows himself to be angry with Edythe and her treatment of him in a way that Bella didn’t at this point in their interactions.  Also, Edythe is actually seeking Beau out openly in ways Edward didn’t.

IDK, it’s interesting.  Weird, too.

Ch. 5

Genderswapped names, human edition!

Jessica = Jeremy Mike = McKayla Lauren = Logan Angela = Allen Eric = Erica Tyler = Taylor

Seriously, S. Meyer, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET EDYTHE AND ROYAL?

Again, why are Edythe’s eyes described as ‘long.’  What does that even mean?  Is this longitude or latitude, how big are Edythe’s eyes?

Beau is much more open to believing that Edythe is dangerous.  I’m not sure how this fits into the overall depiction of Beau as different-from-Bella, but I think he’s more aware, in some ways.  He has a broader perspective?  Mind you, he’s still the most melodramatic teenager in existence (Zuko comes to mind as a more stable, less dramatic teen).

Edythe is unnaturally strong and it’s more obvious than Edward’s strength because S. Meyer made Edythe short instead of letting her keep Edward’s height.  Also, Beau is significantly taller than Bella was.  Beau is, in fact, almost as tall as Royal and Eleanor, for some reason.  I really wonder why S. Meyer made the choice to make Beau so tall, or give him blue eyes instead of brown.  These are the things that I look at and go, ‘This was a conscious decision, unlike some of the weird bias things that were probably just slipped in.  WHY, though?’

WHY DOES S. MEYER THINK IT’S ABNORMAL FOR PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO SMELL BLOOD?  SHE’S A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD CHILDREN, PRESUMABLY SHE HAS EXPERIENCED MENSTRUATION.  COULDN’T SHE SMELL THAT?  IF NOT, SHE SHOULD GET HER NOSE CHECKED OUT BECAUSE THE INABILITY TO PROPERLY SMELL CAN INDICATE OTHER PROBLEMS.  All caps because this point frustrates me for its sheer illogic.

Beau acknowledges that da little woman is stronger than him, but it doesn’t bother him because she’s probably stronger than everyone.  Oh, and he’s secure because he’s big and strong enough to make people leave him alone now, as opposed to when he was bullied when he was younger (and significantly shorter).

Beau just described his mother as his ‘best friend?’  And I’m.  What?  You complain about having to talk to her at all, let alone offering her comfort when you have legitimately been in danger.  If that’s how you treat your ‘best friend,’ then I wanna pull Edythe to one side NOW and tell her to fucking run.

Carlisle = Carine Esme = Earnest

Also, we’re at two more counts of backhanded ‘Renee was the adult on paper’ and Renee is ‘very young for her age’ and I am so done.  I want like 50,000 words of Renee-centric fic right now.  I just want her to be okay and away from her judgmental shitstain of a son.

That wraps up chapter 5, we get to meet lady!Jake in the next one!

[blackwhitefrancis]

July 13, 2017 8:15 AM

I really underestimated the power words have on me.

Remember that guy whose blog inspired the Black and White story? While reading his blog, I got so many thoughts and emotions that I had to write out a short story and even thought of a few letters for you to free my mind and relieve the heavy emotions that settled in my chest. The way he writes feels different that most people. Unlike me, who just types out whatever pops in my head, he does it using carefully chosen words strung together made to elicit emotion and not just to express a thought. His words on a simple white background appeared like Van Gogh’s Starry Night to me. Sad, yet beautiful and serene. I felt his pain, his regrets, his anger, and the lingering feeling of hope for something better. His words resonated with me like nothing I ever felt before. I mean, I read other blogs here on Tumblr and elsewhere, but I never felt that connection with someone before. This was definitely a new experience.

So what did I do? Well… I kind of… sort of… asked him out. I sent him a message request in Twitter, commenting on his blog, thanking him for giving me the inspiration for a short story, and then asked him to maybe meet me for dinner or coffee sometime. He did thank me for the kind words, but nothing other than that. Well, I guess that’s that then.

The thing is, it was the first time I ever did that. It was the first time I even wanted to ask someone out. I thought maybe he would give me just a chance to see that I’m not like other people. That I was attracted to his words and the heart and mind that wrote them. That I wanted to really get to know him. That I wanted to make the effort of commuting two hours to see him (we live on opposite sides of Metro Manila). That I wanted him to see his worth. That I won’t ever hurt him on purpose. That I wanted to make him happy. That maybe… just maybe… I could make him fall in love with me. 

During the days that I waited for a response, I thought to myself, do I even have a chance? When I saw a picture of him, I got immediately discouraged. He’s definitely too out of my league. He’s smart, has a good heart, and he’s pretty hot too. Who wouldn’t want someone like that? I’m probably just a small fish in a sea of his admirers. He can choose whoever he wanted. I didn’t think I would ever wish for someone to be less attractive than I did that moment. Fat chance, I thought. But I went through with it anyway. Some part of me knew I’d regret not trying, and I promised myself that I didn’t want any regrets.

You know what made me do it? When I went through my old posts to check for typos and grammar errors, I saw his face when I imagined you. The first thought that came to me was oh fuck. I knew there was a good chance this wouldn’t end well. Do I regret it? Hell, no. I’m proud of myself. It was a new experience. Terrifying and exciting at the same time. It was the first time I did something like that, and for me, it’ll only get easier from here. I’m sad, but I’ll be okay.

Still, I appreciate the kind of person who could make me feel like that. No doubt that he’s special. One thing I’m certain is that I really do want him to be happy. He deserves it. I hope his words would reach another like he did with me, and maybe that person could make him believe in happy endings again.

There’s a part of me that wished he would be you, but I understand that things don’t always work out. All of this just takes me a step closer to where you are. Like lyrics from that Rascal Flatts song. Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms, this much I know is true.

See you soon, dear prince.

Now excuse me as I get myself a drink.

Truly yours,

Francis

PS: I wrote this 9 PM. July 12, 2017, but posted it the next day because I had to edit it. I don’t drink at 8 in the morning. Or at least not yet anyway. 

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x15 “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell”

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS. including (but not limited to) smart!Dean, headcanons about demon reproduction, Destiel, children wishing death on an enemy, Sam’s pink eyeshadow, fandom theory, politics, bears, and the pronunciation of Cas’ name

05:15

i’m sort of pre-offended by this because cas wasn’t in the promo

why would you put dean in glasses if cas isn’t there to appreciate it huh???

(that said, davy perez wrote “stuck in the middle (with you)” so he clearly gets it)

-

05:20

this bear video reminds me of that girl screaming at the bear who’s eating her kayak 

“BEEEAAAARRRRR”

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5cMZymSr0)

wow ignore the youtube comments. much salt very negative

i thought the whole thing was hilarious

-

05:24

“will you marry me”

shoot this can only end horribly

-

05:27

“first of all it’s weird you know how much underwear i’ve packed”

this script tho

-

05:27

“inside out”

bruh that’s not gonna fucking help

-

05:28

MISHA COLLINS IN THE CREDITS AT THE BOTTOM MY EXCITEMENT JUST WENT FROM A 5 TO A 10

EEEEEE

-

05:29

can someone tell me why the winchesters are referring to the bmol as hobbits

sam’s got mike down as “frodo”

i guess it’s to do with the accents. idk i always thought of middle earth as a new zealand thing rather than “an actor from britain” thing

-

05:32

sam: “the computer told me”

dean understands the fucking computers okay, don’t give me this “simplify it for lil deanie weenie” shit, you motherfuckers

who built an EMF meter out of an old walkman in season 1, huh

who fixes his car and, i assume, fixes the wiring too, huh

who uses the internet to find porn and probably download a lot illegally and therefore needs to know how computers work, huh

who has evaded law enforcement while using their software to find cases, huh

whO HAD A BEST FRIEND NAMED CHARLIE BRADBURY WHO KNEW HOW COMPUTERS WORKED, HUH

TELL ME SHE DIDN’T TALK ABOUT COMPUTERS AND GEEKY SHIT NON-STOP AND DEAN WAS ABLE TO KEEP UP

HUH

HUH

CASH ME OUSSIDE HOWBOW DAH

seriously i’mma fucking fight you if you say dean doesn’t understand how a computer program could send cases to his phone

-

05:34

sam’s still wearing pink eyeshadow

headcanon: it’s a fasHION CHOICE QUIT JUDGING ME DEAN MEN CAN WEAR MAKEUP IF THEY WANT

-

05:35

i love that dean went straight from ��baby wipes in the car” to “i’m using the fancy shampoo”

wow when this asshole decides to delve into self-care he goes all the fucking way

sidenote: then a zoom in on john’s baseball bat, ie. symbol of BRUTAL MASCULINITY which dean left behind to use the fancy shampoo

-

05:38

OH MY GOD IS SAM TALKING TO MARY WHILE DEAN TALKS TO CAS

IDK WHY BUT THAT’S REALLY CUTE

for a second i forgot dean and cas aren’t actually married BUT THEY TOTALLY ARE

-

05:40

I’mma cry cas still puts the fbi badge upside down

oh god i fucking love him so much

i don’t understand why anyone would dislike him

i really, truly don’t

he is the purest more wholesome character and I’M LITERALLY VIBRATING RIGHT NOW I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM

I’VE MISSED HIM

OH GOD IF I’M THIS DELIGHTED TO SEE HIM I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT DEAN FEELS WHEN HE SEES HIM

honestly if i told dean right now how happy i am to see cas, would he roll his eyes, or would he duck his head and smile ?

...option one? probably. option two: that’s jensen about misha

-

05:44

“agent solange”

OKAY THERE IS ONLY ONE OPTION HERE AND THAT IS THAT CAS IS A HUGE APPRECIATOR OF BLACK CULTURE AND MUSIC AND/OR THE KNOWLES FAMILY

I’M SO PROUD OF HIM

-

05:46

see this?

he-heyyyy!! herb nelson who runs this joint

the deadly duo need to fucking pay attention, this is how you get a random side character to be interesting and not just rattle off boring by-the-book introductions

-

05:48

THE QUEEN’S HEAD ON AN ALIEN

I FEEL LIKE THIS ROOM WAS DECORATED TO MAKE MISHA BREAK CHARACTER AND LAUGH

I ALSO SEE “LIZARD PEOPLE” AND ILLUMINATI TRIANGLES

-

05:51

herb: “most sheeple can’t handle the truth”

me at age 12

-

herb: “i’m woke”

i’m ENJOYING THIS SO MUCH

herb: “palm pilot, more like a tracking device”

and this was written before all the stuff about samsung tvs recently. that kind of shit never stops and it’s been going for forever. what is it about people and wanting to spy on other people

i just googled “samsung” and apparently the south korean president was just removed in correlation, one hour ago (disclaimer: i only read the headline, i’ll read the rest later)

oh boy, what a time to be alive (/sarcasm)

(but actually tho. something big happens in south korea and we know about it by typing a single word, that’s cool)

-

05:57

cas just taking things and walking away

imagine him shoplifting in plain sight and security just being like “???”

-

05:58

dean’s undercut seems fresh

i wonder if he shaves the back of his head himself or he goes to a barber every few weeks or if sam does it

-

06:00

“much handsomer brother”

at least we can say that, for all dean’s insecurities, at least he knows he’s hot as shit

(but also that could easily be overcompensation, and he thinks sam is more attractive. oh god what a mess he is)

-

06:02

if i were gwen and two giant dudes came to the door i’d probably ask for them to stick around while i wait for someone else to COME TO MY FUCKING RESCUE

jeez who lets two men into their house just because they have badges and well-balanced faces

-

06:04

yeah you go gwen!!!

don’t need nobody telling you bullshit

-

06:06

this scene of dean saving gwen from the hellhound seems reminiscent of that time he got torn to shreds by hellhounds

the room setup seemed similar at least

i wonder if that makes her a dean parallel character, or if it’s meant to remind the audience of dean’s history with hellhounds

-

06:09

lucifer to crowley: “hm. kinky.”

this show does this amazing thing where it gets as close as fucking possible to being the gayest thing on earth with every character being canonically and violently queer without actually being gay or queer or canon or count as representation at all

i don’t think queerbaiting has ever, ever been done to this level in history

sometimes i wonder what all the heterostraight dudebros (TM) think when they see this kinda stuff

i personally know a giant black dude in his late 30s who watches this show and 100% of ALL of this stuff goes right over his head. he watches for the brothers fighting monsters, and doesn’t understand cas. his wife Gets It and she’s a feminist who Cares About Things, and even though she doesn’t analyse the show, she understands why i ship destiel and feel the need to write novels about their relationship

my only other experience meeting heterostraight dudebros in my life (holy shit how lucky am i) was at a convention a few years back, kim rhodes was up on stage and there were these two sweaty, snotty dicks in front of me, buttcracks showing, booing every time anyone dared to mention female characters or cas or destiel. like i’m p sure they were just there because kim rhodes is hot and has boobs and talked about guns one time (i mean, not that that isn’t a valid reason to watch the show or enjoy it.)

but i found it interesting to see the difference between them (the minority) and the rest of the people in the room (flamboyantly queer mostly-women with hearts full of love for cas)

(on that note, why does cas seem to be the dividing entity between pure wholesome fans and the aggressive hate-speech kind of fans? is there some kind of thing about cas that makes you love him if you have a good heart or something idk)

(although that’s not strictly true because kim rhodes said jody would use cas as a human shield because he’s sorta useless, and kim was still one of the coolest and kindest people i’ve ever met)

-

06:29

i love the thought of fetus gwen wanting a) a hello kitty backpack, or b) the death of an enemy

...........i was joking but typing this immediately makes me think of that time i was like 7 or 8 or 9 years old and took extracurricular maths at a lady’s house after school, and she was nice, and she gave us juice and biscuits. except i hated the fact i had to do EXTRA MATHS so, so SO MUCH that i used to wish she’d drop dead and i wouldn’t have to do it any more.

and then she died of cancer. and her kids (my age) were left motherless and i’ve never really gotten over that

i try and remind myself that death doesn’t work like that but how the fuck /?? why

i really hope i don’t have death note psychic powers

but after that experience i’ve never once wished anything bad on anyone. if i do by accident i immediately un-wish it just in case. come to think of it, i think that experience alone turned me into a more tolerant, empathetic person

rather than wish bad things on bad people, i wish that they learn how to understand the people they’re hurting and work to reconcile their wrongdoings

but dear god i still feel bad

(edit: not that i’m saying my maths tutor was a bad person, i’m talking about like... nazis. punching nazis is still a means to an end though)

-

06:39

quietly wondering if dean ever wanted a hello kitty backpack

OH NO

TINY FETUS DEAN LOOKING AT NICE PRETTY THINGS AND JUST KNOWING HE CAN’T HAVE THEM SO NOT EVEN TRYING TO HOPE

wow it’s way too easy for me to hurt my own feelings

(see also: Raising Hell in a Hotel)

-

06:42

regarding the theft of demon babies

given we’ve never heard about demons breeding (as far as i know), i’ve long held this headcanon/theory that demons (who were originally angels, corrupted by torture) bred by sealing deals. that’s their motivation for making demon deals: they make a deal, they collect a soul at the end of 10 years, take it to hell, make it torture other souls, and eventually a new demon is sired/born. and the new demon is the sire demon’s baby, in a way. they make deals as a form of reproduction.

which doesn’t fit with the idea that demons have actual small crying babies

so... i guess those would be made if two possessed people copulated? but if angel babies are a huge deal in this universe, wouldn’t demon babies be some other bizarre plot twist? or is this demon baby stealing thing meant to be a throwaway line????

someone explain me a thing

-

06:48

OKAY SCRATCH THAT THE BABIES ARE FOR EATING

all right we’re all good

i still think demons breed by making deals

..........but actually though, what happens if two possessed people made a baby (not that i want to know in canon, because consent issues)

also where the fuck are demons getting babies to eat

is there a black market baby eating demon ring

is this a common occurrence

did a dingo eat her baby or was it demon interference

are there legends or competitions about the most daring baby thefts

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

-

06:54

dean either likes posies or koalas

or both

someone please make cute fanart of dean happily cuddling a koala, lying down in a field of pink/bisexual-flag-coloured posies

please

i need it

because of reasons

-

07:00

i like how it’s the white demon who’s grovelling and the black demon’s just chill and talking to lucifer like an equal

that’s cool

-

07:02

dean’s gentle “take care of her”

IT’S OKAY SAM I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT GWEN TOO

sometimes i forget dean’s an asshole who cares more about his car than anything else

-

07:03

i still want that episode, where the impala is either a beautiful badass 45-year-old black woman with tattoos and scars, or a foxy grey-haired dude, either of whom could seduce dean in 0.3 seconds

-

07:06

mmmmmmmmmmmm i loooove how this angel says cas’ name

“kas’tyl”

mmmmmmmmm say it again

i love how everyone always says it differently but it’s always beautiful

(my own name has been pronounced 300 different ways and it always sounds like me somehow, and i’ll still respond. everything from “al-may-oze” to “ee-lumz” to “el muss”. my nickname Elmie is a derivative of Almaas because of mispronunciation followed by an autocorrect error and i love it anyway)

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07:11

kelvin: “all the paaw’r of heav’n behand you”

dear god i love how this angel talks ;A; i’m swooning

-

07:13

kelvin: “don’t get me wrong, i love earth, it’s quirky. it smells like hay. but it’s not home, is it?”

OOOH BOY MORE CAS CHOOSING HIS HOME ARC

YEAH GIVE ME SOME OF THIS

but please let him choose dean

(or don’t, and watch dean die inside some more. that’d be fun) (/sarcasm)

-

07:19

JOSHUA

FOR YEARS I’VE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT HIM

ALL HAIL DAVY PEREZ FOR INCLUDING SO MANY ACTORS/CHARACTERS OF COLOUR

I’M SO RELIEVED SOMEONE ON THE WRITING TEAM HAS THEIR HEAD SCREWED ON RIGHT

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07:22

cas is so beautiful ;~;

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07:23

white demon: “only thing i care about is Making Hell Great Again”

i think it’s fair to say that anything akin to those words in that order inspire a fireball of R A G E inside me

-

07:25

fuck

i saw it coming

is anyone making a death toll for characters of colour this season

of all the things i’m enjoying from this episode, the aspect of “as soon as a black dude sees a white dude as an equal and wants something in return for his services to their shared society, he deserves punishment” is not one of them

not cool

i mean the white dude dies too, which turns it into a political “trump fucks with minorities first and the white people are next and somehow they think they’re being blessed” but STILL

i guess the fact there’s other surviving characters of colour this episode makes it less shitty

-

07:28

DEAN IN GLASSES

i’m still salty but AAHHH

-

07:33

eyyyyyyy dean said thanks to crowley for saving cas

good

-

07:33

crowley: “maybe i’ve rubbed off all over you”

aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back to the gay

mm

i hope people never forget that they canonically banged, as problematic that relationship is/was

-

07:35

they. look. so. damn. good. in. glasses.

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07:36

dean looks like he either belongs in the x files or scooby doo

-

07:38

oooo the carrrrrrrrrrrr

dean’s gonna be pissed

-

07:43

oh shit the music changed very very subtly as lucifer hits crowley’s face

i suddenly get the feeling crowley’s gonna die

he just got his redemption and NOW HE’S GONNA DIE ISN’T HE

I HATED HIM BUT

LIKE

NOW I DON’T WANT HIM TO DIE

-

07:45

oh good

okay

man that was a weird emotion

now i’m back to hating crowley again

i guess it’s fun to hate the baddies

-

07:47

it’s really nice to have a phone call between dean and cas but see both of them

weird how rare that is

-

07:48

DEAN BEING ABLE TO JUDGE CAS’ EMOTIONS THROUGH HIS VOICE AND THEN GETTING WORRIED

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07:49

sam: “no... it’s.. uh.... mick davies”

oh so THAT’S why gwen told sam her story about lying to her boyfriend. i was thinking it was odd sam was the one hearing that, since dean usually gets an earful of people’s sob stories that Mean Things In His Own Life

so her story made sam tell dean the truth

gwen did so much this episode!!! affecting the season-long plot and saving herself and shit!!! yee

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07:51

THIS PINK EYESHADOW THOUGH

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07:56

wow that was a lot of stuff for one episode

good!!!! very good

9.5/10, could be improved by a bechdel test pass

i don’t really have much to add, since i said it all while watching, which is why this took me nearly 3 hours to watch (over 3 hours to finish this post)

but yep. good solid episode, i wish more were like this

so damn good to see cas!!! but the fact he still doesn’t feel like he has a home makes me sad

DEAN AND SAM REALLY NEED TO INCLUDE HIM IN MORE THINGS AND SMOTHER HIM IN HUGS AND GIVE HIM GIFTS AND STUFF

i think it’s because he’s still riding the border between brother and not-brother and doesn’t really know where he stands

poor baby

dean, you gotta cowboy up and tell your angel you love him back already

aaaah

also shoutout to director nina lopez-corrado for that super neat shot of the hellhound, seen through the glasses on the ground

[salviaplarth]

What you gonna do when it all breaks down

Take another heart through this lonely town

Met with my old classmate Mark for lunch before he left for Portland (forever) :( He’s one of the few history classmates I befriended and stayed connected with throughout being at CSUF. Luckily for me, I met him my first semester! He recently graduated in the fall of 2016. Also, he got to have REAL pho for the first time! He’s only tried the one at the Gastronome, which is the “cafeteria” for dorm and apartment living students. I’m glad he loved it!

Took these two kiddos to dinner with me at Buffalo Wild Wings. You may notice I don’t post a lot with the youngest nephew, Connor, but he’s a lot harder to handle and I definitely have trouble taking out three kids :/ 

I AM NOW A PROUD MOMMA OF A ROBOROVSKI HAMSTER. I named him Mishka (Meesh-kah). For those who have been following me since the beginning (looking at you HS friends) I’ve been the owner of Syrian/Teddy Bear hamsters in the past and after the death of my precious Kuma and later Waffles, I never wanted a hamster again. They just don’t live for very long and they can develop wet tail easily!! My dear Kuma and Waffles died of wet tail sadly. Well, I did some research and have been super duper lonely, so I opted to get a robo hamster, which are part of the dwarf hamster line. They live slightly longer, averaging two to four years while Syrians only live up to one and a half to two years. They also do not develop the deadly disease, wet tail, as easily so that’s a plus. They can however, easily get diabetes!!! So I’ve been kind of monitoring what he eats. 

He changed positions and then I sneezed and he woke up. Look how flat he looks! SO CUTE. I lav him. I’m constantly checking on him because I don’t want him to be stressed, bored, and without love. 

Like my cages for Waffles and Kuma, I made another bin cage! It’s definitely smaller than the one I used for my Teddy Bear hamsters, but that’s also because it’s a smaller hamster and I wanted something that could fit on my drawer. There’s just barely any space on my floor. This photo was taken before putting Mishka and bedding in. I made the platform and later revamped it to have a ladder and little walls hehe.

**EDITED TO INCLUDE PHOTO OF REVAMPED PLATFORM**

I GOT TO SEE ALYSSA FOR A FATASS FRIDAY 2K17!  We went to a Peruvian place. I thought it was ok, but they had good aji sauce. It was absolutely WONDERFUL catching up with Alyssa. I definitely missed doing this kind of thing with her. It’s also really nice to vent aloud with someone over food and all that. It was therapeutic for me. 

Of course I gotta get a photo with her! She also just graduated from school the past fall. Congrats @awkwardness !

Also she gotta get that pic with the cute shit in my car hehe.

On Saturday my cousins and I went to get dessert at Nitrolado! I was super excited because Westminster has seen a surge in aesthetic looking dessert places. Think the kinda stuff you’d put on Instagram. I tried their green thai tea ice cream in a CHURRO bowl!! It was DIVINE. That shit was so tasty I gobbled it right up. But it’s one of those things that you’d eat once in awhile cause it gets sickening FAST. It was also pricey at like fucking seven dollars. But you do get a good amount of dessert so I’d definitely come back again!

Til next time.