#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

riseoftheangstywriter · 7 months ago

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And here is the part 2 to this post!! Part one with Donnie and Mikey can be found there! :))) This was a fun ask to answer!

Leo

"Are you sure you don't want help?" you offer with a glance over at Leo's current predicament. On top of a pizza box he balances two soda cans and a small container of donuts from your favorite bakery in the city. Of course he's doing this all with one hand.

"Hermosa, please. I've got this. No need for you to lift a fin-" As he says that, something on the concrete makes him just slightly loose his balance, the soda cans rolling off from their position. Landing right into your own hands. "...ger."

Pausing for comedic effect, you grin, an unspoken agreement being made to not bring up what had transpired.

After all, it was your one year anniversary. Not to mention he had gone out of his way to make the sweetest little set up on the roof of this building so you could watch the sunset. Fuzzy blankets, string lights. and Leo. It's more than enough for you.

You settle in your spot, playing with the chain of your brand new necklace, Leo's present to you. It's hard not to admire the glint of the sapphire jewel pendant. Blue, just like his mask. You knew it wasn't intentional, having an affinity for the gem long before your feelings for him ever existed.

It was ironic however, like your heart had always known who it would belong to. Blue blue blue..

You felt strangely sentimental all of a sudden. Yes, it was only a year, ad yet the two of you had been through a lot, individually and together. Not to mention the years of friendship before that awkward stage of desperate yearning and denial.

You were.. proud. Of him, and also the "we" the two of you had become.

Leo enters your space, shoulder pressed against yours. A strand of hair is pushed away from your face. He had this ability to turn you to goo. Despite his occasional shyness, he knew exactly what did it for you. Frustratingly charming, but also way sweeter than he gave himself credit for.

He takes your hand, squeezing it. "Hey, y/n. You ready?" He coos in that deliciously soft tone he used only towards you. "Thinking about me when I'm right here?"

Lost in your head, you turn at his query. Knowing that his ego was just a front by now, you roll your eyes, returning the gesture as you rub memorized patterns into his palm with your thumb. "Maybe." You remember something suddenly. "Actually, I have a favor to ask first. Could you open a portal to my place? Just a small one right over my desk, need to grab something."

"Oh? Forgot something?" Grabbing a small pen from his handy side pouch, it comes alive with his signature ninpo as he draws a small circle in the air, a bright portal appearing.

Sticking your hand through, you feel around for what you're searching for, grabbing it firmly. What you pull out is a flat box, topped with a shiny blue bow, for a touch of flair.

You present it to Leo, a shy smile on your face. "For you. Happy anniversary, Leo."

His initial shock is replaced by a smirk, a signal he was about to make one of those silly jokes you loved. "A box? Y/n, you shouldn't have. And such a fine material?"

"Searched all over, last of its' kind," you play into the bit, trying to ease your growing apprehension about your actual gift to him.

His laugh soothes it, and you lean closer, wanting to see his reaction.

"Whaaaat...?" Leo says when he opens the box, the humor in his words gone and replaced by awe. "This is... the last Jupiter Jim comic I need for my volume 1-6 collection."

You nod, biting your lip. "In mint condition too."

"Y-Y/n, you shouldn't have," he repeats, and you don't miss the slight shake in his tone.

"Hey, don't worry," You lift the comic out from the box, not letting it crinkle to reveal the same exact one directly underneath. "I was able to find another copy. Not in mint condition, but still nice enough where you can read it! This one is just for display, since I know you've been dying to get your hands on it."

Hoping your explanation would make things better, you let him piece together his thoughts. Giving him all the time he needed.

But, what you get in response is what you least expected.

"I.. don't deserve this," like he can't stand to see it anymore, he attempts to move the box back into your lap. "I-I'll ruin it by accident, or whatever, and then all the effort you went through to get them will go to waste." He smiles, though it's fake, not reaching his eyes. "I appreciate it, you have no idea how awesome this is but- I shouldn't have it. Give it to Donnie, he wears gloves while reading his comics for crying out loud."

"Leo.." you say, softly at first. "Leo?" A question this time, because how could he even say that about something he's wanted for so long, and especially directed so negatively towards himself?

You make him look at you, tracing the stripes on his arm knowingly, comforting him. "I'm listening, and I hear you. But... no. No, I will not be giving this gift, your gift to anybody else."

"But I-"

"But I do deserve it is what you better have been trying to say, Leo," you scold gently. No anger or frustration is felt by you. Just an overwhelming amount of love and the need to tell him how he actually deserves every good thing ever, and if you could be an ointment to any pain he's ever felt, you would do so gladly.

"Donnie is just being Donnie, comics are meant to be read anyways right?" You hold his face, staring into his eyes. "I'm more offended you're refusing the box I thought you loved so much."

That line cracks a genuine smile, and you lean in. "There it is. It's fine, I'm hilarious I know. You can laugh."

He does laugh, after he slots his mouth with yours and savors your warmth towards him in a kiss. "You... are perfect. Have I told you that?"

"Mm," you hum, happy. "Yes." And don't ever stop.

You tap the sides of his face, garnering flushed cheeks and a series of churrs that fill your heart.

"Y/n...." He mutters through affectionate chirps. "You can do this later."

"When's later?" you say, relishing in teasing him for a moment longer.

Leo stills you, grasping your wrists. "After we eat, and after we go through the new issue," he kisses you again, making a promise. "I want to read it with you."

To that you could never say no, so you nod. "Okay. Fine. Truce! I surrender. No more more taps until then."

"Thank you.. not for that. For the gift," setting the box aside, he takes you in his arms, running his fingers through your hair.

"Anytime." You mold into him like putty, feeling grateful and content and Leo.

Even if the pizza ends up getting cold because of how long the two of you stay in the embrace, you can't say it wasn't worth it.

Raph

"Y/n, can Raph ask you somethin?"

You glance up from the book you're reading, the turtle mid-rep with the barbell he's working out with held in the air.

"Yeah, of course." you respond, seeing something was on his mind. Clear by the "Raph-chasm" as his brothers always called it.

Raph sets the weight down with ease, sitting up from the bench. "Do you think.. I'm strong?"

Your knee jerk reaction to his question is an exasperated scoff, but you backtrack immediately, feeling like Donnie for a moment before going full support mode. "Raph, come on, you already know you're super strong that its ridiculous; but that's not bad! It's amazing."

He smiles, but just barely, expression going back to a frown. You wonder what must be bothering him so much that he's questioning his own strength.

"Right. But," he exhales, like he's finally letting something off his chest. "Do ya think I'm, well, big?"

Book snapping shut, you set it aside, abandoning it at the sudden shift in tone of this conversation. Having the hindsight to realize it was an important one.

"What do you mean by that? You ask, wanting clarification instead of making assumptions. It was Raph, your patience could never run out towards him.

The snapper grumbles to himself, the regret and frustration in his eyes making your heart twist. "It's silly, I know I'm big. Just.. am I too big?"

Suspicions confirmed you jump up, going by his side. "No. You are not too big," you reach out a hand to touch his shoulder, feeling protectiveness overcome you "Where is this coming from? Did someone say something?" You'd fight them, if you had to.

"No. Nobody said nothin," he takes your hand, letting the gesture calm the storm swirling in his head. "Don't you notice how many things I can't do because of my size?"

"No," you answer. "Who cares about the things you can't do, what about all the things you can? Oh Raph.. your size isn't a detriment, you know that right?"

He looks into your calm, concerned pupils, sighing heavily. "... I do y/n. Raph tends to forget sometimes, that's all. Specially' when I slow the team down, or break something by accident, or I can't wear neat clothes or costumes like the others."

Heart breaking for him, you hold him close, trying to hug him as tightly as you're able. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to fix this, but I'll never love you any less for being who you are. Actually, it makes me love you more."

"Really?" he asks with a voice so small and an embrace so gentle you'd truly never be able to guess what he looked like if you'd never met him before.

"Really." You reply with the certainty you knew he needed. In the back of your mind however, you were thinking of ways to make his situation better.

........................

"Hey! You coming?" You peak your head into Raph's room, where he's standing over his bed, arms crossed as he looks deep in thought.

"Yeah. Be there in a sec." Tonight was the annual Lou Jitsu marathon, everyone dressing up in various versions of their idols' (and also their dads'?) signature outfits.

Raph is struggling to pick from his small collection of accessories he typically wears during such occasions.

You, with innocent intentions and a smile that seems too wide for no reason, enters to intervene. "I can always pick for you, if you want. Hm, how abouttt," you set down a bag. "This."

"What's this supposed to be?" He pokes a digit in the bag to peer inside, your furious nodding urging him on to actually see what this mysterious package is.

"Surprise!" You shout out the moment the blue and orange jumpsuit appears in his hands. Looking like it came fresh off a movie set.

"Is this..." like he almost can't believe it, Raph holds it out, amazed by the fact it actually looks like it might fit him. "Mine?

"Yes! I got it made for you!"

"You did?" you see him search for words, only able to ask. "Why?"

"Because, I know you said how it bothered you not being able to dress up with your brothers. So.. I wanted to show you that it's possible! Sure, it takes some effort, but I don't mind. I'm more than happy to do something like this for you," you never wanted his size to be an insecurity for him, because he wasn't just the "big guy" to everyone. He's the big guy with the biggest heart and humility of anyone you've known.

When tears start welling in his eyes, you can't help but get emotional yourself, letting him take you up in his arms as your feet leave the ground.

"Y/N.. you don't have to go and do stuff like this for me, but it means a lot. Thanks for makin me feel special, I really love ya," he says while almost cradling you back and forth and pressing kisses on your forehead.

"I love you too," you close your eyes, hoping this put his mind at ease, even if it's just for the night. You'd be there for any tough day after the fact.

When Raph offers an arm to you before joining the others, all dressed up and ready for the reaction he's about to get, you realize there's nowhere else you'd rather be.

#ill be completely transparent and say I struggled writing raphs' part for this XD #first time writing him and I tried my best to keep him relatively in character #oh well.. practice makes perfect #loved this ask!#my writings #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt leo #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt x y/n #rottmnt x you #raphael hamato #rottmnt raph #rottmnt raph x reader #leo x reader #raph x reader

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episims · 1 year ago

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A Peek to My SFS Stats

I know some creators prefer not seeing their download numbers and that's fair! This kind of stuff can easily cause pressure and/or feelings of underachievement.

For me though, it's just statistics. And since it's pretty precisely 5 years from when I first uploaded anything to SFS, I've gathered some data to play with.

So, this very self-indulgent post is solely about my SFS stats. Just because I'm a total nerd I find it interesting, and I like being open about things. It's long and blabbery so the rest is safely under the cut.

For the background: I tend to create whatever I need for my own game. I share my weird stuff because I feel like it's a trade for everything I download from others.

Probably due to the lack of any consistency or branding at all, my CC has a wide range in download numbers. I have some popular pieces, sure, but also some niche mods like no snow accumulation that has only interested 126 persons in nearly two years.

Even though saying "only 126" is an illusion created by the internet. Imagine if those 126 individuals would come to you in person. That's more people than I've probably even had a real talk with during the last year!

The raw data of my SFS main folder is (calculated with a sheets program): it has 227 files and the average download count for each file is 1557, but 74% of the files have been downloaded fewer times than the average.

So even though my CC isn't usually downloaded that much, I've shared a handful of things that have been downloaded so much more than everything else that they pull the average up.

What are those things? Time is an important factor here, as most CC tends to gather downloads over time (not a single post from 2023 on this list).

1) Subtle wrinkles (January 2022)

17313 downloads (674 hearts; ~3,9% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1112

That's several thousand more than the second most downloaded thing I have, and it's such a random thing.

I'm sure most people have downloaded them to get those 4t2(ish) forehead wrinkles. I have no other explanation as the rest of them are hand-drawn by a person who can't draw. Also the preview is frankly hideous, I used about one minute to take it... safe to say I didn't expect this post to gather any attention at all.

2) Cellphone default (January 2021)

13547 downloads (565 hearts; ~4,2% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1133

Noteworthy that it's been updated a couple of times which pushes people to redownload.

This was a quick passion project, since at that time I couldn't find a cellphone default I was completely happy with. If it hadn't been a quickie, I would've used more time to find a good base mesh oof. Many thanks to @pforestsims for later improving it.

3) Tombstone defaults (December 2019)

12477 downloads (582 hearts; ~4,7% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1064

I was so proud of these when I made them. Those were my first mesh defaults ever! Today, I'm proud of my past self for doing them. That's crazy many meshes and subsets to handle for a total noob.

I couldn't do anything with BHAVs back then, so those defaults would've never ever happened without @midgethetree. She endured a lot, working with a noob who went through several meltdowns because of subset issues that didn't make any sense.

4) Baby personality mod (February 2020)

9724 downloads (489 hearts; ~5% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1193

The first mod on the list! Absolutely essential one for myself and apparently for some others too.

Also the actual first mod of my own ever. I can't really recommend starting with something this complicated, I had zero ability to perceive the scope of the mod when I asked if @midgethetree was willing to help me through it. She deserves all the praise for doing it, I've realized later that I couldn't ever teach anyone the way she taught me. So, if you read this: thank you, Midge.

5) Rabbit pen default (August 2022)

9628 downloads (442 hearts; ~4,6% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1305

This was completely @deedee-sims' idea and project! I just hopped in (hah) to help. I'm only hosting it for practicality, as the BHAVs most often need updating, and those are by me.

6) Turn On/Off replacements (July 2021)

8644 downloads (388 hearts; ~4,5% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1470

This post has more notes than any other post of mine, yet it's not even nearly the most downloaded thing I've done. The two don't always go hand in hand.

I've also shared an updated version of these lately in a new post. It's unlikely they'll get the same amount of attention, which on paper doesn't make much sense since it's practically the same thing but done better. But I'm sure everyone knows that the hype and the quality don't always match.

7) Pixelry’s KKB fridge recolors (February 2022)

8147 downloads (329 hearts; ~4% of all downloaders) Post notes: 662

This is such an oddity on this list since it's the only recolor set and the post has fewer notes than the other ones, too. People just (secretly) really like cute fridges, apparently.

8) Crib teeth anim fix (August 2022)

6157 downloads (431 hearts; ~7% of all downloaders) Post notes: 1408

This list is already long enough, but I wanted to show how fast the number starts dropping at this point.

This got posted a day before the bunnies, and I find it funny to think that for about 3000 people it's more pressing to have bunnies in their game than fixing their toddlers dropping teeth while crying lol.

No point in continuing the list forever, but among my most note-gaining Tumblr posts are also:

Puppy/kitten want replacements (October 2022, 1114 notes, 3849 downloads)

Improved biotech station (July 2022, 1110 notes, 3893 downloads)

Camera overhaul mod (January 2024, 1059 notes, 1752 downloads)

Newspaper default (March 2022, 970 notes, 5052 downloads)

While I don't have a real conclusion to offer, it's clear that notes don't always get realized to downloads, and likewise many people download without interacting with posts.

One more thing I'd like to point out is that the percentage of people who hit that SFS heart button seems pretty constant. I feel like it shows that some people just have that habit and some don't, and it's not likely directly related to how much they like the thing.

The amount of SFS hearts that crib teeth anim fix has gotten doesn't follow this pattern lol. It's really not common to see the percentage change even that much.

#text #text post #random #nerdy stuff #this is what happens when i start typing without thinking #i end up with a novel #that probably interests no one lol

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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Hi! Maybe this is a difficult question with no answer, but as a fan of Rekindled who might want to start their own comic, what do you suggest to avoid burnout? Do you start wiht writting the script right away, you doodle a bit,..? Thanks for reading, I love how you draw big noses, makes me more comfy with mine!

no fr my dark secret is that i've been experiencing burnout with my main original project that I've spent the last decade working on for literally a year now. this isn't the first long hiatus i've taken, the longest one i've ever been on has lasted two years, and it's undoubtedly not the last i'll experience because the lump of salt and fat and tissue that is my brain often overworks itself into exhaustion like a big dummy

rekindled has been my reprieve from the burnout. it has been my vacation from years of working on the same project, meeting the same deadlines, drawing the same characters, over and over and over again since before i was in college.

if there's anything working on rekindled has made clear to me, it's that i'm still capable of drawing comics. the comic-making isn't the problem. it's just that when you work on the same project for years and trap yourself in an uphill battle, eventually your climbing gear is bound to break.

if there's another thing that rekindled has opened my eyes to, it's the insanity that i put myself through prior to rekindled that led to my burnout in the first place.

i get people telling me that they couldn't imagine doing what i do, that even before i had my assistant helping me out, i was still able to put out 30-40 panel updates every week.

but before that, i was putting out 70-90 panel episodes of my original work. every week. full color. full spread action scenes. no assistant. very little financial gain aside from a couple patrons on patreon and one dedicated viewer on twitch, which i was also streaming on 2-3 times a week.

and now that i've been working on rekindled and even finding myself often crunched for time with that, i have zero clue, no idea, a complete lack of comprehension of how i pulled off 70-90 panels a week for months on end. there's a reason it resulted in burnout and i know that now. this comparison is not for the sake of a flex - this comparison is to make it clear that much of what i do isn't the norm and isn't exactly a healthy standard. case in point, i sneezed while sweeping up yesterday morning and it caused a muscle strain in my lower back/hips and i've been working out of my bed since, i'm in a lot of pain and it might mean i don't make any money this week if it's not better by the time i have to do my appointments at my day job on thursday. my need to create my personal passion projects is often at odds with my bad habits of not taking care of myself 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

when it comes to tackling burnout, your guess is as good as mine. really it just comes down to rest. when burnout - real, true burnout - hits, it's not just "man i'm bored of working on this", it's "i can't even think of looking at this thing let alone working on it", it's basically akin to depression and it's an awful thing that i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (even with Rachel, I don't want to psychoanalyze her mental health but it does seem like she's possibly been experiencing burnout with LO for years now and that really sucks for her if that's true). so the solution is just as complicated as the cause, it's not something that you can just rest from for a week and come back from, it takes real long-term healing.

when I found my way out of that 2 year hiatus, it was in spring of 2019 and I decided to just work on a random comic page that wasn't even in the comic I was working on. and then suddenly it was like a switch flicked back into the on position and i didn't even finish what i was working on, i just went back to my original project and i kept working on it until it was finally finished at the end of 2021. as suddenly and randomly as it had set in, it was gone. but i can't just do the same thing this time, it just doesn't work that way.

that said, through all this, i've learned that my need to create is not restricted to any one tangible thing, i'm not doomed or designed to stick with the same words, the same faces, the same ideas until the end of time. while i do try to keep up healthy routines for myself to ensure i'm looking out for my future self and their deadlines and their upload schedules, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. and in my case, the heart wanted to take a break from the self-reflective psychological analysis dark fantasy weebo stuff and just draw some pink and blue characters a little less ugly. the self-reflective weebo shit will still be there when i'm done with the pink and blue stuff, and i'll surely have loads of new things to unpack through it once i return.

there are still times when i'm working on rekindled and i'm feeling the creeping hand of my routine destruction digging its claws into my back. the reality is that 30-40 panels is still a lot for someone like myself who's doing this entirely for free, but my definition of normal for a while was so insanely inhumane that even what's still considered a lot by most people's standards feels sane and normal to me after what i put myself through.

i've learned to be more gentle with myself, and to loosen my own expectations of what i'm capable of to ensure i don't do anything like that to myself, by myself, again. i give myself room to create without expectations or the pressure of eyes watching when i can, and i remind myself that even if burnout rears its head again, and again, and again, the will to create is not gone. it's just tired, and resting, and growing, and healing as i am.

anyways that turned into a self-reflective essay post, to answer your question about making stuff ahead of time, i find that's more helpful with just like, planning out a structured story (so you don't write yourself into a corner) but whether or not it helps with burnout kind of depends. because it can just as also easily be the cause of the problem because constantly seeing the stuff you wanna be drawing so far away can be just as much of a morale killer as a motivator. some of the stuff i'm super psyched to write and draw with time gate is years away and that timeline grows longer the more the burnout goes on which makes the struggle feel even more overwhelming and pointless and defeating. so plan ahead, but keep it all within your means if you can. i find what works for me is planning out just general beat-to-beat plot structures (to ensure i at least have a plot skeleton going on so i know where i'm going) then i leave the finer details to when the actual episode i've planned gets closer to fruition and i can get myself in the headspace to write it fully.

also remember that just because you're really excited and motivated to work on your comic doesn't mean you should work yourself into exhaustion - it's a good thing if you're going through the mundane of your daily routine and the whole time you're hyped af to work on your hobby/personal project/etc. because that's what will keep you moving forward, so don't spend all that hype in one place by working and working and working until you're exhausted, because that hype is REALLY hard to get back after you've spent it all.

long post over! hope that helps! best of luck in your projects! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#also aaah thank you for the nose compliment haha #i love drawing different kinds of noses <3 #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #self post

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beccalendsahand · 2 years ago

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“I-I killed him”

Inej stood there, eyes fixed on the bloody knife in her hands, hands trembling.

Kaz knew he had to do something. Move toward her, lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, tell her it was going to be alright. But that was not who he was, that was not who they were.

If it were a trick, I’d promise you safety. I’d offer you happiness. I don’t know if that exists in the Barrel, but you’ll find none of it with me.

One of the first things he’d said to her when he’d offered her this job. She knew what she was getting into, she knew she would have to use her knives eventually, but still, he couldn’t help but feel sorrow for her. Inej was brave and defiant, never faltering in her beliefs. As much as he scoffed and mocked her for her faith, although he hated to admit it, he admired her for it. Despite everything she had been through she still believed. Long ago perhaps there had been a chance of that for him too. But no, in his darkest hours, it was not the hand of any saint that reached out to him, but the dark promise of vengeance that pulled him from those murky waters. Inej though, she had resisted that voice at every turn, even with the sharpest set of knives in Ketterdam strapped to her chest she had never brought down the hand of judgment to make the killing cut. I won’t betray my faith She had told him. But tonight she had, in a church, under the eyes of the saints she held so dear, she had turned from them, for him. Any second later he would have been dead, head smashed against the cold stone tiles. With the choice between his life and eternal damnation, she had chosen him. He stared at her hands, they were loose on the blade, ready to fall from her hands at any moment, the last thing they needed was more noise to draw the Stadwatch to their location.

“Inej listen to me.”

She did not look up. Eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. He wanted to take his hand and move her face towards his, force her out of this spell, make her look into his eyes and let her know she was safe. But that was an impossibility he was not ready to challenge. Instead, he repeated her name, insistently this time “Inej.”

Her eyes finally broke free and met his own. Brown irises shining in the candlelight. His mouth went dry.

“You saved me life.” He managed to get out, stressing every single word to make her know that whatever guilt she was feeling right now, she did not need to ask her saints for forgiveness, and that… He didn’t know what this feeling was? Was he grateful, indebted? He felt the warm glow of something inside his chest. He pushed it away.

He looked at her hands again, still shaking. They were so small, so soft. He wondered for the first time what it would feel like to hold them in his own. He reached out a gloved hand, it hovered there, just above hers, one more step, his mind went blank. What did he want to do? What was meant to happen now? He was so close he could feel her stuttering breaths on his neck, could feel her eyes looking up at him through her lashes. She was waiting too, a silent understanding. His hand brushed the tops of her knuckles, the waves rushed in. He couldn’t breathe. He was drowning. It was no use. He could never be that person. Never be the man she deserved. Instead, he carefully took the hilt of the blade, and coaxed the knife from her frightened fingertips. It was better this way.

---------------------------------------------

Hello!

No time no see! 1 day till season 2 of shadow and bone!! I'm going to leave social media for a bit so that I can enjoy the new season spoiler free. But before that I thought I'd share with you something I did back in december! I see this pic of Yuzuka Rei and Hana Yuuki in Augustus the other day and thought "That's so kanej core" and decided to draw it but with kaz and inej instead! And then after finishing it i was so wrapped up in kanej feelings that I word vomitted this up at 2am, don't think I've written fanfic in 10 years! Thats the kanej power... The scene is inspired by the classic scene in the tv show mixed with my feelings from the books. Ahhh I love them so much! Can't wait for season 2! See you all on the other side!

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rhannettejoy · 3 months ago

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"The Fated Vestiges"

Chapter 1: Job

"Selene, hurry up! We're going to be late!" my friend Mae called out.

I’m in my second year of college, but I've been trying to find work as an artist, anything that involves drawing. Mae and I have been going back and forth applying to various publishing companies. Ever since high school, there’s been one particular publishing company I dreamed of working for, and today might finally be the day. As I looked up at the tall building in front of us, I was awestruck by its beauty. If it’s this impressive from the outside, what must it be like inside? I couldn’t contain my excitement.

"This is it! Out of all the companies we've applied to, I really hope this one takes us," I said with a mix of hope and determination.

"Let's go! I'm more excited for you than for myself," Mae laughed, pulling me inside.

The application process was much slower than at other companies. We submitted all our requirements, and they asked us plenty of questions—as if we were already hired. Although I felt nervous, I also couldn’t help feeling optimistic.

“I’d bet my life just to get in here!” I joked, making Mae laugh.

“You're just starving! Let’s grab something to eat; look at the time!” Mae suggested, and I agreed immediately since I was starving.

Chapter 2: Resemblance

While waiting for our food, I checked my phone to see if my idol, Aiden, a famous writer, had posted any updates. I was disappointed to see none. His stories have become my comfort and inspiration; some of my artworks are even based on his stories.

"Your idol is trending on Twitter!" Mae announced, shocking me.

"Why? Did they finally discover our secret relationship?" I teased.

"Crazy! But seriously, there’s a famous artwork circulating online that looks exactly like Aiden!" Mae said, scrolling through her phone.

I wanted to brush it off as a prank, but what Mae said next caught my attention.

“I might be hallucinating, but the girl in the artwork looks just like you!” Mae exclaimed, showing me her phone. I didn’t want to believe her, but looking at the photo felt like staring into a mirror.

"Did you make this?" she asked, suspiciously.

"What? I’ve never drawn myself with Aiden in one frame. I tried sketching his face once, but I stopped because I couldn’t do it justice," I said earnestly.

"Then who is this girl? She really looks like you! This is so weird." Mae couldn’t take her eyes off the screen.

Chapter 3: Letters

I tried to ignore the situation, but more and more artwork featuring Aiden and the girl resembling me kept surfacing online. Even stranger, some of the artworks included love letters on the back.

"Why did Solana leave?" I muttered to myself. Scrolling through the comments, I saw many people condemning Solana, saying she didn’t deserve Apollo. But I disagreed. I felt compelled to write a post, defending Solana, saying maybe she had her reasons.

“Selene! Wake up!” Mae shook me awake.

“What? What are you doing here?” I mumbled, still half-asleep.

“You’re famous! Check your social media!” she said excitedly.

Skeptical, I opened my phone, expecting another prank. But to my shock, my notifications were exploding.

“Why are they tagging me with my idol? Do they think I’d be a good match for Aiden?” I asked, amused.

“You’re being crazy again! They’re tagging you because you and Aiden look just like an old painting found near Intramuros!” Mae explained.

Chapter 4: Last

I was about to brush it off when I saw a new post—a love letter from Apollo written on the back of a painting of him and Solana.

The letter left me speechless. How could Solana abandon Apollo without a word? Driven by curiosity, I decided to go to Intramuros. Rumor had it that Solana’s final letter to Apollo was hidden there.

“I’m so tired,” I sighed, sitting under a tree after three hours of searching. While resting, I found a letter. It was Apollo’s last message to Solana.

Reading this letter, I finally understood Apollo and Solana’s tragic love story. Yet, I felt an inexplicable sadness and heartbreak as if their story was mine.

Chapter 5: Fate

I was busy scrolling through social media, looking for any updates about whether they'd found a letter from Solana, when my phone rang. I answered it immediately, seeing it was the publishing company I’d been hoping to join.

"Good day, is this Ms. Selene? We just wanted to inform you that you’ve been hired to become part of our publishing company. Please make sure to come in tomorrow. We look forward to working with you," the woman on the phone said.

"Thank you so much! I’m really looking forward to working with all of you!" I replied sincerely.

I’m finally hired! I’ll be closer to my idol! There’s a real possibility of working with him since we’re in the same company. I’ll do my best to get assigned to his newest book for the cover design.

Everything went well, and I got busy balancing school and work. The best part is that I’m with Mae; we’re always together, even on the same team. I almost bowed to thank God when Aiden’s book was assigned to us. Miracles do happen!

"You look familiar," a man’s voice said.

I was startled, busy tying my shoelaces, and looked up to see it was Aiden—the one and only Aiden! He looked unreal in person! I wished I could see him every day. This was a blessing!

"Hi! I’m Selene, your number one fan since your first story!" I mustered up the courage to introduce myself and extended my hand. I couldn’t miss this chance.

"Oh, thank you… Solana," he said, looking at my face intently, making me self-conscious. Did I have something on my face? But wait—did he just call me Solana?

"It’s Selene," I said shyly.

"Sorry! You just look exactly like Solana," Aiden replied. "But, again, thank you for your support, Selene."

I wanted to ask him more about Solana because it seemed like he knew something, but my boss called me, so I had to leave despite wanting to talk to him more. He really looked like a character from a book, and the rumors were true—he did look like Apollo, Solana’s lover.

It was a regular day at lunchtime, though Mae wasn’t with me because she was sick, so I was eating alone. I thought it would be a quiet lunch until…

"Hey, Sel! Can I join you?" My idol—Aiden—asked.

"Of course!" I answered.

I thought it might be awkward, but we ended up talking about his books, his inspiration for writing, hobbies, and even Apollo and Solana’s love story. People kept saying we looked exactly like them. Talking with him felt natural, as if I’d known him for a long time. Everything about him felt familiar, even his presence.

Is reincarnation really possible?

Aiden and I grew close quickly; it was like we’d clicked right from the start, and everything felt so comfortable. I started drafting his stories, and it felt right, like we’d been doing this forever.

"I finally found you," Aiden suddenly said one day while we were working.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked, looking at him expectantly. But he didn’t answer; he just smiled at me.

Everything was going well. Aiden became my suitor, and on the 18th day, I said yes because it didn’t need to be long—I’d already loved him long before he knew me or before we even met.

Chapter 6: History

I thought things would stay happy, but then I received a message from my father. He wanted me to quit my job and study abroad to become a lawyer. To him, being an artist was meaningless, and now that he knew I was following my dream and in a relationship with a writer, he intervened. He didn’t want me with Aiden, thinking he was the reason I didn’t pursue law school.

"Law school was never my dream! Becoming a famous artist is my only dream!" I said, unable to hold back my feelings.

"How dare you speak to me like that! Your mother needs you—she’s dying, while you’re here, lying to us about law school and being happy! How could you?! You ungrateful child! Worthless!" he yelled, furious, and I was shocked by his words.

"Mom…" I said weakly.

"You heard me right! So pack all your things—we’re leaving the country today," he ordered.

I couldn’t think straight. I felt numb, barely able to function. I just did as he said, moving like a robot. My mind was still reeling. I thought Mom was doing fine—how could she be suffering? How did I not know about this? Am I a terrible daughter?

“Selene, make it fast!” my father’s voice broke through my thoughts as he urged me to board the plane. We were moving abroad, as he wanted me to pursue law—a path I never wanted. But as I stood there, I couldn’t ignore the familiar feeling in my chest, like an echo from the past.

“Would you leave me again?” Aiden’s voice suddenly pulled me back to reality. He was there, looking at me.

“I don’t want to, but I have to,” I said, helplessly.

“So history really does repeat itself,” he murmured, handing me an envelope before my father dragged me away.

Chapter 7: Destiny

On the plane, I opened Aiden’s letter:

I felt tears slip down my face. Had Solana and Apollo’s story become mine?

My father’s voice jolted me from my thoughts, but I made a decision. I would not be the Solana of my own story, leaving my Apollo behind. I will not let history repeat itself. I don't want to be the Sol in everyone's life without being the sunlight for the person I truly love, because how can I be a sunshine when I'm not even genuinely happy? Maybe Apollo and Solana were not meant to be together in their lifetime, but after 18 years, just like a solar eclipse, Aiden and I have collided. I will leave the past where it belongs and let the moon and sun could, at last, shine together, even if it’s just for this lifetime.

Written by: Rhannette Joy Tolentino.

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peribug · 6 months ago

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New Moon Tarot Reading

I love love love my tarot cards they feel like an extension of myself. I started This past new moon with all 3 of my decks to see what I'm working with for the next month of growth and soul-searching.

The New Moon in Leo on August 4th- A big time for manifesting growing and confidence

The first deck I pulled from is Mystic Mondays The Cosmic Creatures Deck I love Mystic Mondays and the decks I've seen from them. The artwork is beautiful, and the guidebook is very well-written and helpful when you need further information about the cards. I pulled 2 cards from this deck

The Duck - Safety, Comfort, Community

"Allow yourself to feel vulnerable and share your feelings with your community you are more supported than you realize" ( hey guys that's you !!!) " Entanglements and confrontations can easily affect you, as you have a soft spirit and a big heart. It's important to maintain boundaries to keep your head above water! The duck can both swim and fly, paddling on the ripples of emotions to then soar into freedom of the sky. Explore your emotional world and get comfortable there. The duck tends to stay in its comfort zone which is where you feel safe. The sky will always be there when you're ready to fly"

I feel very connected to this card. Recently I've been expanding my stretch zone and trying new things. Living more in the moment, spending money on experiences, and Trying new things physically expressively, and creatively. Finding a place where I feel the best. I don't know how sustainable this lifestyle/ mindset is, but I'm really happy about it I've been going to concerts at least once a month, working more than ever, hanging out with friends after, planning trips, writing, painting, gardening. I'm just as tired as I was when I was doing nothing for months but at least I'm living again so I call this a big when. my next step is to fix my sleep and my comfort.

The Raven- Shadow, Unconscious, Deep work.

"Know as the "Keeper of Secrets," the raven asks you to look within so you can break through blocks and catapult your way into ultimate liberation. The shackles that hold you back are of your own making and as you become aware of what has been weighing you down you gain an opportunity to rise above." " You are guided by a powerful force to align your willpower with your intentions to ascend through the portal and to make a lasting contribution to the timeline of your existence. Get ready to fly"

I love how the duck card felt like step one " when you are ready to fly" and step two with the raven " get ready to fly". I've been wasting most of my potential for the past few years spending all of my energy worrying/ being mildly anxious. I love being creative but this past year every time I've started a project I've become anxious about it being a waste of time or not good enough to be worth it, or I wouldn't start the project until I ironed out all the details so i had a plan to make it perfect. This mindset is a new and unwelcome one in my mind. Within the past 2 years, I've seen my artist's eye get slowly overtaken by a judgmental one. ( only of my own art of course). I used to chase every idea I had and it was beautiful. Now I chase none because they aren't perfect yet and so I do nothing. When I came to this realization the first solution that came to mind was to chase every idea well that is extremely difficult when you are the rustiest you have ever been. My next solution, and the one I am on now is alternative methods and collaborative projects. I started by merging projects that could build off of each other together and let them grow naturally. Then I talked to my sister about writing a DnD campaign for our friends. Having a few people to spitball ideas with is a game-changer.

The Next deck I pulled from was my Fairies Oracle deck wisdom and magic from folktales around the world. I love this deck and how it draws me to read more about folktales and myths from around the world and puts them into the context of my life. I pulled 3 cards

Flow, Containing Multitudes.

Flow- Gwragedd annwn Are fairies of Welsh folklore who live beneath lakes. Lean into all things water both literally and spiritually. Channel the qualities that are associated with the Element of water like fluidity openness to change or going with the flow.

Containing multitudes- Yaksha of Indian mythology protectors over nature. described both as beautiful and benevolent. Allow yourself to contain multitudes. others may try to put you in a box but you know you are many things all at once. be a mystery to others as well as yourself."

These 2 cards are so loud for me. Even tho I am an earth sign water is my everything I love sitting in creeks spending days on the river and swimming in the lake. water is where I feel at home, and free, and I can be myself. transitioning use into the next card. I've consistently struggled with my sense of self. Not because I don't know who I am or what I like but because I don't know how to show people me or how much of me to show. I passionately love the things I love and I know that's too much for someone I just met or I feel that I don't love that thing enough to say I enjoy it. like I'm not outdoorsy enough to be outdoorsy. IF YOU LIKE THE OUTDOORS YOU ARE OUTDOORSY I DON'T CARE HOW FAR YOU HIKE.

My last deck is the Mystic Monday Tarot deck. The love of my life. My first deck. My pride and joy!!!! We love her.

Nine of Swords- The past - Anxiety, Worry, Distress

To say I feel so heard by some cards sounds so funny and so sweet. " You've managed to manifest your worries by constantly thinking about the worst-case scenarios, creating anxiety and stress" "Fear and doubt are paralyzing you from moving forward with endless "what ifs" I was an anxious mess a few months ago, overwhelmed, over worked, and far away from any support system. I truly was stopping myself from moving forward because I was so scared about what could happen because I already didn't like what was happening.

Queen of Swords- Present- Clever, Meticulous, Intellectual

If I let my big emotions block the critical thinking side of my brain it'll lead to messy journeys and wasted energy moving forward. take a step back from the emotions and focus on the goal.

VIII Strength- Near Future- Fierce, Endurance, Courage

Master your impulses and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. With this power of self-control, you will be able to approach your problems powerfully and gracefully.

Reversed Ace of Wands - take away- Vague, ambiguous, Irresolute

The call for action is moving through you but you are unclear about which direction to go, feeling unmotivated and uninspired. Desires and passions are ambiguous and you are beginning to question what really sets you on fire. Now is the time to explore and figure out what you really care about and where your passions lie." And this is how we ended up here this tarot reading led me to post more regularly on here to see what happens and help keep track of where I'm succeeding or struggling

#tarot cards #tarot #witchcraft #witchy #folklore #mythology #myths #indian mythology #welsh mythology #mystic monday #new moon #moon #oracle

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acdeaky · 4 years ago

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to tell you the truth (i’m still in love with you)

warning: angst, fluff, mentions of sex

note: oscar isaac’s hot, no question. anyway, enjoy this, babies

word count: 3.3k

gif credit: @damerondjarin

it was dark out when you woke. the loud, incessant banging on the front door of your apartment had jerked you awake, and the minimal amount of lighting coming through the curtains let you know it was very early - or very late.

a part of you was tempted to roll back over under your sheets, pull them up to your chin and fall back asleep, but the knocking only seemed to become louder and more frequent.

you pulled off your covers and flicked on the small lamp by your bedside. your clock showed 2:43 as you shook your head and began to make your way through your small apartment to answer whoever thought it was a good idea to show up at your door right now.

you had an idea who it could be. there had been a few times when santiago had appeared on your doorstep in distress. on those occasions, you coaxed him inside with soft words and gentle touches as he pulled himself in on heavy feet, the weight of the world seemingly on his shoulders.

looking through your peephole, you knew this would be no different as you noticed the familiar stubble and greying hair of santiago’s, looking ever the same after three years. even after so long, you were who he crawled to, the only person who could calm the noise in his head.

the locks clicked as they were shifted, the hinges creaking afterwards as you pull the door open.

and, just as you knew, there he was. santiago’s usual, confident self was gone; even just looking at the way he held himself could tell you that. it almost looked like he was leaning against an invisible pole, his old stance gone, a new, tired one filling its place.

but he was here, and alive, and even after three years the only thing you could think of was-

“hi.” was all he said, a duffel bag by his feet and his hands stuffed into his jean pockets.

“hi, welcome home.” you simply spoke, leaning against your doorframe, feeling like your heart was about the burst the longer you stood and looked at him.

“do you know?” there was a slight quiver to his voice and his head dipped down from yours. “do you know where i went?”

“frankie told me. when you left that night, i waited a couple of days for you to come back. then i asked fish if he knew where you were and he said you were in south america. i asked when you’d be back and he didn't know. i didn't expect you to be back three years later.”

you could almost remember that day, as clear as if it happened yesterday. the night before he left, your best friend, santiago garcia, invited himself to your apartment - like many nights - and brought dinner. he laid the excuse as wanting to spend time with you, have a night like you used to (even though it had only been a week or so since you last did something like this together).

but santiago didn't take no for an answer; he let himself through the door and began pulling out containers of food and a couple of bottle of drinks. you welcomed it pleasantly, happy to be spending a night with just him, just santi, no tom or benny or will or frankie. no comments about your relationship, no teasing over your choice of drink (or teasing in general, which santiago would always reply with ‘they mean well’, and you know they do).

a few hours later, the food was gone and you had both had a few drinks. the sun was settling down on the horizon and, if you looked carefully, you could begin to see the moon creeping up behind it. the red and orange sky covered your open room with light, bringing in a peaceful glow with it. the light settled on santiago, like it was used to his body and the dips and bumps covering him.

he looked like a vision, ethereal. a beautiful dream which you had experienced so many times and you were selfish enough to only want to see it yourself for the end of time. you believed no one would appreciate it like you do, no one would find the same amount of beauty as you find in santiagoas he lets himself bask in the light.

neither of you had realised that you had moved closer to each other over the course of the evening. you had started on almost opposite sides of the sofa, but now found your thighs pressed against the other’s, you shoulders bumping into each other’s as you moved.

santiago’s music was playing in the background. at some point - god knows when - he had gone into the kitchen and, as he came back, the soft notes of his favourite song floated from the speakers and settled around you two. he handed you another drink, sitting back onto the sofa and leaning slightly towards you, his arm slung across the back cushions. his hand landed on your shoulder, and his fingers began drawing light patterns across your skin while he conversed with you.

it was something that rarely happened. santiago had done this with you before, that being eating, drinking and relaxing, allowing the music to pull you from the real world as you talked until the early hours. never been so close and intimate. at the time, you thought nothing of it as his lips came to meet yours in a delicate attempt at confessing his feelings.

the words “i've fallen in love with you” escaping his lips as they ghosted against yours, his breath hot and sticky against your skin as you replied, “i've fallen in love with you, too”.

santiago made you feel things you'd never felt before that night. he touched you with softness behind it, allowing his lips to travel wherever they could reach before picking you up off the sofa and trekking through the apartment to your room.

the two of you spent the night together filling it with passion, giggled and delicate kisses. neither of you could get enough of one another. to you, he tasted so good, like nothing you've ever endured before, something good and amazing and so characteristically santiago. to him, you tasted like home, a forever presence that he refused to get rid of.

and he really didn't want to.

come morning, the sheets beside you were cold and pulled back. the couple of bits he haphazardly threw on the bedside table the night before were gone and so were the clothes you remember tugging from his body. the only thing he left was his jacket; it was the one you loved on him, that smelt like him. alongside it was a note, the words ‘i love you, but there's something i have to do’ were carefully engraved on the paper.

that's when you waited. you gave santiago a few days to do whatever it was before you turned to frankie. that was a difficult conversation in itself and you could tell that frankie was as confused and conflicted as you were. he offered you an answer, more than santiago had given you, and a response to a question that no one in the world could answer, not even santiago.

“i'm sorry-”

“santi,” you stopped him, not wanting to do this - whatever it was - on the doorstep of your apartment at almost three in the morning. “do you - its late - but do you wanna come in?”

santiago looked back up at you, seeing your warm smile and kind eyes, something he had missed for the last three years. “yeh- yes, please.” you gave him a light nod, stepping further back into your apartment to give him space to pull himself through with his duffle bag.

even after three years, he was still your santi. the cap he adorned was one you had spotted and persuaded him to buy; one which he had worn almost every single day since he went away. the jacket was new, one to replace his other one, but it fit him well, allowing his broad shoulders a chance to be seen. the colour suited him, too, a dark navy blue.

he was heavy on his feet as he entered, shuffling around like he was a stranger in a foreign country as he thought about where was best to leave his bag. that had been his life for the past three years; everything he had and knew lived in there while he was deep in the jungles of south america.

much to his surprise, he came back unscarred, physically at least. of course, his knees had taken a hit during his - mission? - and the neck surgery he gotten gotten the year before hadn't helped much either. but aside from that, he would be fine, so long as the nightmares were kept at bay, no one would think any different of santiago.

but you weren't just anyone. you had seen santiago in his most vulnerable states, in every sense of the phrase. there was almost nothing you didn't know about him, but now, there was a large part of him you were a stranger to. without even knowing a tiny part of what had happened, you knew the santiago who was currently in front of you, sweaty hands and shaking nerves, was a different man to the one who left you three years ago.

three years. god, santiago had changed, as had you. you had never been with someone since. many people had tried to win your affection, attempting to entice you with the promise of dinner and a sense of forever, but you didn't want that anyone but him, a man who was on a completely different continent and who had probably had many others beside him in his bed since that one night.

regardless of how he had acted out there, your love never faltered, unlike your hope for his return. the light inside of you which had been sparked by santiago’s promise of love had quickly diminished when you began to believe that he would never come home.

but you wouldn't think any different of him. he just didn't know that.

“can i-”

“i'm sorry for-” you both began, santiago seemingly wanting to smooth things out above anything else. “you go.”

“no, no, it’s okay. i just- do you wanna sit?” he nodded, watching your finger point towards your sofa in the open space. it was the one where that night began, but most definitely didn't end. you knew that. he knew that. but you weren't offering a seat in a malicious way, wanting to see him squirm and suffer while making him remember what happened that night, you could see that he was tired. it was the least you could do.

so santiago took your offer, turning away from you in a vain attempt at calming himself down. that wouldn't happen until things were sorted, until he felt that you knew everything. he just wanted to say-

“what happened?” you whispered into the quiet, turning on a small light to light up the room. it glowed over the sofa, settling around your bodies as you moved to sit down next to santiago, not completely ready for how long this could take.

but he was. santiago knew everything that happened in those years and it would not take a few minutes to tell. there was too much to say and almost not enough time.

the story began with his time colombia, working for the police as a private military advisor. next came lorea and santiago’s escapades with his informant in search for the drug lord. he explains the house - the safe - and the job, how he roped benny and tom and will and frankie into helping him with the job.

he didn't even make it through the mountains - tom.

and something about the night feels strangely familiar. with the two of you, sat there, being shielded from the world only by your thin curtains, it felt like home. familiarity. the thing that seemed to have left you three years ago and escaped to south america.

your bodies were pressed into each other’s sides, the feeling of just another person being there after so long brings about comfort in the both of you. a warm, calloused hand of his sat in the both of yours, a thumb gently rubbing over the back of his hand.

somehow, your eyes were trained to santiago’s head throughout his story, never leaving his body for a second in case you missed something, anything. as for him, his eyes never left your joined hands, watching the delicacy of your movements, concentrating his sight on something so small, but so significant to him.

it was silent for a few moments after he finished. santiago kept his head down, watching the comfort on his hands, whereas your eyes were darting over his entire body, taking him in, thinking how much you had missed him.

“i’m so sorry, santi.” your voice was quiet, like earlier, only just drifting from your mouth and into his ears. that’s when he moved, shaking his head before looking up at you, finally meeting your eyes for the second time in years.

“no, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have just up and left like that, especially after what happened the night before.” there was a small smile on your face at that reminder and you hadn’t even noticed the quiver in his voice.

“it’s okay,” one of your hands left his thigh, moving upwards to cup santiago’s cheek, the stubble a little longer than usual. “you’re here now, and everything will be okay.”

his eyes closed as you allowed yourself this time to look at him. there was exhaustion buried deep inside of his skin, the usual relaxed look that he held whenever he closed his eyes was gone. it seemed that only a shell of the man you used to know came back from south america.

but you knew he was there. you knew your santiago was there, underneath it all. that’s why you held him. and that’s why you’d continue to hold him for as long as he needed you to.

without much thinking, you leaned closer to him, pressing your lips against his for only a second. an innocent kiss, much different to the ones you two had shared before he left, but it meant more to you both than either of you could describe.

then, as delicate as ever, one of his hands reached up to join your own, his large palm completely covering the back of yours. “come on,” you whispered, your free hand moving to card through his unruly curls. “let’s get you to bed.”

a slight nod was your only answer, that and the lack of resistance he gave you your hands grabbing his and helping him up from the sofa. everything stayed where it landed, neither you nor santiago making any effort to grab his bag and pull it into your room.

it almost seemed domestic. almost. as you crawled back under your covers, santi stripped off his jacket, leaving him in just a dark t-shirt. his jeans followed, the metal of the buckles clashing together as he pulled them off. the hat was last, being placed gently on your chest of drawers before he made his way over to you.

like usual, you welcomed him, pulling back the covers just enough for him to slip under, shuffling his body closer to yours. as he laid on his back, you took the silent invitation to press into his side. just as any other time, your head rested on his chest, both of your arms wrapping around the other’s body.

santiago let out a deep breath, his chest rising and falling so slowly it felt like you let one out, too. maybe you did, but it wasn’t important with where you were and who you were with in that moment. he was finally home, back and safe in your arms and not in a godforsaken dark corner of the narcotics war.

you fell back asleep to the steady beat of his heart, his hands running up and down your skin as he tries to soothe himself to sleep. eventually he does, well after you, but he feels safe this time, being back in your arms doing wonders for his mind.

it felt as if it had only been a few moments, but it wasn’t long before you could feel the rise and fall of santiago’s chest again, but this time on your back. the warmth of his breath on the nape of your neck was calming, that and the warmth of his hand over your exposed skin.

“we should get up, honey.” he says delicately, his voice rough with sleep, dry sounding, and you can feel him behind you, his eyes just barely opening as he decides to start his day. you feel guilty that you wish he wasn't awake, even as he reaches closer, an arm tightening around your waist as the other slips between the pillows and your head, reaching out for your hand as your other lands on his forearm, affectionate, loving.

there was no use in pretending you weren't awake, your need to touch him, to feel him and know he was there and not in some god forsaken place in colombia, too great to even attempt to stay in his arms longer.

“we shouldn't.” you mutter, turning your head to press into his skin, soft, warm. your fingers danced across his bronzed skin, keeping your lips pressed against his bicep as you did so.

santiago was complacent behind you, not even bothering to attempt to stay true to his words as he reveled in you, your warmth, your love, the exact thing he had missed all these years. his breath was still warm on the back of your neck, his lips only ghosting over your skin. even after last night, after the sacred kisses and emotions you’d shared, this is what stumped him.

it was only a few minutes later when you twisted onto your back, your hand leaving santi’s as you shifted to face him instead of hiding away. the hand that had left his own cradled his exposed cheek, your thumb carressing the delicate skin.

the beautiful brown eyes you love were still hidden by sleep-ridden eyelids. the only indication that he was awake being the small smile that adorned his face as you continued your ministrations, your own eyes flittering over his features like he would disappear, again.

“are you still in love with me?” he asked, breaking the silence without even opening his eyes to look at you, “after everything i’ve done?” his voice was so quiet, so petrified of your response, especially when that gentle hand stopped moving. god, never stop holding him like that.

“i’ve always been in love with you, santiago,” you assured him, guiding your hand to the back of his head to pull him even closer to you, fingers tangling in his short curls, “i don’t think i can ever stop.”

“can i tell you the truth?” his eyes finally met yours, confidently shifting the hand on your hip around you to press flat against your back, bringing your chests closer, bringing you closer.

“please.” it was a whisper, a beg, your plea for him to tell you what you already knew.

“i’m still in love with you.”

if anyone wants to be tagged in my oscar writing, let me know!

taglist: @shes-over-bored @i-barely-go-on-online @sohoneyspreadyourwings @brian-maybe-not @deakysbabybooty @1001-yellow-daffodils @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd @painkiller80 @goldhoran @scarecrowmax @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @someone-get-a-medic @miamideacon @chlobo6 @teenagepeterpan @spacedustmazzello @deakysgurl @forever-rogue @xcdelilahxc @keepsdrawings @igotsuckedintothevoid @kill4hqueen @supersonicfreddie @laedymoon @inthedayswhenlandswerefew @warriorteam1924 @painandpleasure86 @boomerangbassist @mamaskillerqueen @bhxrdy

santiago taglist: @stardust-galaxies @kindablackenedsuperhero

people who i think may like: @damerondjarin @unstoppableforcce @starryeyedstories @sergeantkane @youvebeenlivingfictional @writefightandflightclub @anetteaneta

#santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #santiago garcia x reader #oscar isaac #oscar isaac x reader #once agAIN #this has been in my drafts for a while #like my last javi one #but here she is #and she’s beautiful #i love this one #and i hope you do too!#enjoy babies #x reader #acdeaky

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maplecornia · 4 years ago

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chapter 24

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.94K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: things are getting heavyyy

If you're still enough, you can hear the inner whispers of your heart.

Have you noticed?

You're able to hear everything you have kept locked away. It tries to break through the cage, and you can feel the chains growing weaker and weaker with each passing moment. Each tick of the clock drawing closer and closer to the moment where you can no longer hold it in.

Where you finally break down.

Taehyung sighs and leans back in his chair, the meeting room now empty and dark. It's hard to believe that at the break of day it was filled with conflict and torn decisions.

"I'm against it."

At the sound of Yoongi's sharp dismissal, it's as though the room wakes up. Some in protest, some in shock. Suga raises his brow at the reaction, almost scoffing when he sees it.

"It's too much of a risk." He sighs almost in contempt. "If you want her so badly, why not sign her with Source or Pledis? They're our shareholders for a reason. Plus, since we're all under HYBE it will be exactly like she were a BigHit affiliation. Given the way this industry runs, however, she's probably best out of Kpop and should be signed under HYBE America. After all, she is a foreigner."

Though they are harsh, his words make sense. This would be the most logical approach rather than breaking their ban on female trainees. They made the ban for a reason, Yoongi doesn't understand why they would throw that away for someone who is slightly talented.

Besides, what about every other talented girl before her?

What reason should she have to achieve the dream which they were denied?

"I have to agree with Yoongi," Jin speaks up, his brow furrowed in concentration. "She has a unique and beautiful voice, that much is true. It'd be a shame to let it go, but if you think about it, we wouldn't be letting it go. Giving it to another company under HYBE might provide a better chance for her in the industry."

Taehyung bites his lip, not liking where this is going.

Jin glances around the table, hesitating before he says his next piece.

"We just got back, can we trust that they'll accept us if we do this? Next thing you know there'll be rumors of a scandal."

Though it was all on their minds, it still hurts to hear it out loud.

Can they trust ARMY to be there for them this time?

"It is a bit concerning. She'll be the only female trainee in an all-male company. Can you imagine the rumors? The field day Dispatch would have? She'd be hated before she even had a chance to show them her worth." Jhope murmurs under his breath, his eyes sparkling with deep worry.

They've all faced that. The fear of being hated for just being you. For existing without the mask.

"But I liked her," Jimin says, leaning forward. Though his words are simple, they are said with the most sincerity. "She's someone you hardly ever see, her voice stays with you, it doesn't leave. It's the kind that people can't get enough of. That's something special...shouldn't we take that into account?"

Biting his inner cheek, Taehyung glances up at BangPD, wondering if he knows. Did Jungkook tell him? He knew about Yen, why wouldn't he have found out about him as well?

If only he hadn't saved that recording. If only he hadn't been so careless, then none of this would have happened.

Somehow he feels as though those moments are being stolen from him.

"Jimin has a point, Yoongi. Did you hear her?" Jin speaks up, his gaze glazing over as though he were looking into the distance. Or recalling a long forgotten memory. Yoongi scoffs and smirks bitterly.

"Of course I did, I have ears."

"Are you sure?" Jin mutters in response, but it's almost as though Yoongi can't hear him.

"Think of this realistically, you have to know there's zero to no chance of her making it. Even if she's talented." There's a moment of uncomfortable silence at his words, words which no one wanted themselves to say. Sighing, Suga gestures towards Namjoon.

"Come on, Joon back me up here."

The room turns to Namjoon, waiting to hear his response.

He stays silent for a moment, his hand resting on his chin as he ponders the situation, his deep eyes calculating moves and countermoves. Possible situation and solutions.

All while trying to forget that the possible trainee is Yen.

Biting his bottom lip, he can't help but remember the way she was in the studio. How her eyes lit up with unimaginable love and devotion. A look only a fellow artist would be able to recognize. She was made for this, he can tell. She yearns to sing, to be lost in music, enveloped in a world of her own making. To be able to share that with others.

Looking over at BangPD, he narrows his eyes thoughtfully.

"What are you planning to do?"

Yoongi's eyes widen at Namjoon’s question, and he leans back, looking to BangPD's response. Bang Sihyuk smiles softly, almost as though he expected this.

For some reason, that look irks Taehyung.

Don’t think you can control us. We weren’t made for your chessboard.

"It will be on a purely trial basis. I am planning to sign her as a trainee, but the public will not know about it until I am sure that she will be a good addition." He looks towards Suga, pointedly directing his next statement towards him. "I understand your concerns for her. After all, she would be our first female trainee for a while."

Suga bites his inner cheek in protest, leaning back in his chair and brooding.

"However, I have been planning this for a while now." The room goes silent with the revelation as they turn to him, waiting for him to reveal more. "Ever since you've left for the military, I've been thinking of possible trainees to recruit for a new girl group. The first girl group to be officially under BigHit entertainment. They would be managed, produced, and signed underneath our label. Not through a loophole like BE:LIFT, Source Music, or Pledis. This would be ours and ours alone."

Jimin shakes his head in confusion. "Why now? What changed?"

BangPD sighs, his careful eyes scanning the room in a calm and collected manner.

"I don't know entirely myself." He rubs his face before continuing, playing with the portfolio of Yen. "I thought it was time to expand our horizons, to try something new...I guess you could say I was inspired."

He glances towards Namjoon, and Joon can't help but remember that day all those years ago.

The day when BangPD proposed a plan, an inspiration to him, not quite unlike this one.

Namjoon’s brow furrowed in concentration, he turns to your smiling photo, still spread across the table.

Was it you?

Were you the reason for this inspiration?

"In any case, before I moved any further, I wanted to see if things would work out with her. One trainee. I didn't want to make a mistake like last time, hence the trial period." Bang Sihyuk continues, swaying a bit in his chair.

"Who would train her?" Taehyung mutters underneath his breath, unable to look away from your photo this whole time. Turning to BangPD, his eyes are aflame with conviction. "If we have our normal staff take part in her training, we won't be able to control who else could find out. If her existence were to be completely secret, who could we trust?"

It's a valid question, but Taehyung doesn't like the glint Sihyuk gets in his eyes at the notion. Silently, he wishes he never spoke up. Maybe then he would've been able to stay under the radar, and BangPD would never have to suspect he had any affiliation with the girl.

With Yen.

"You would."

Two words is all it takes.

Two words and the room is in an uproar.

"What are you talking about?! We have enough on our plate with our comeback, and now you expect us to train a girl who shouldn't even be here in the first place?!" Yoongi is so outraged that he stands, his chair rolling back into the wall.

"Yoongi, calm down--" RM begins, but Suga isn't willing to listen to anyone at the moment.

"Do you have any idea how much pressure we're under? And now you want to add an inexperienced trainee to our list of burdens just because she can sing?!" he snarls, his lip curling in disgust, his eyes dark with anger.

"Yoongi-hyung, you heard her voice. You have to admit that we found something here." Jungkook speaks up, meekly. Taehyung narrows his eyes his way.

Just what does Jungkook get out of all this? Taehyung knows he has to be the one who gave BangPD the file of your voice. He was the only other one there, besides Taehyung. Taehyung himself couldn’t bring himself to give you the flash drive, but Jungkook didn’t even think to tell you. He went straight to BangPD as though this were his decision to make. Did he even think of asking you what you thought?

What’s your angle?

Yoongi rolls his eyes, gesturing to the portfolio on the table.

"Yeah, we found something. But not something worth risking everything we built over!"

"Don't you think you're being a dramatic? We aren't even sure if this will work out. It's just a trial, and it's the best option for us to train them given the situation." Namjoon murmurs, rationally. Suga's eyes flame with defiance at the rebuttal and slams his hand on the table.

"And what happens if word gets out before we're ready?"

The room goes silent with the ultimatum, and they all avoid his gaze.

"What happens when we're the cause of her downfall?"

Glancing at each other, they ponder the question. A question that has weighed heavily on them ever since they debuted, ever since they became the star in the public's eye. Ever since the world knew about the boy group...

BTS.

Scowling, Yoongi pulls away.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't have time for this. I have work to do, work that has been waiting for us for 2 years! Or did you all forget our promise?" When they don't answer him, he scoffs, pulling his backpack on his shoulder and walking out the door. "I'll see you at practice."

There's a moment of silence as soon as Yoongi leaves, silence uncomfortable and pressing. Licking his lips in nervous anticipation, Hoseok looks at the rest of them, almost unsure.

"Is he going to be okay?"

BangPD leans forward, folding his hands on the table.

"Don't worry about Yoongi, I'll talk to him later. But what about the rest of you?"

His quick, analytical eyes scan the table, hovering over every one of them. Almost as if he were trying to predict what exactly they would say next.

"Do you agree?"

Now, Taehyung grits his teeth. His grip tightening around the water bottle he was playing with in his hands, he throws it across the wall. As he watches it crumble at the force, he finds the ruin in his mind easing. Water drips off of the wall, and he feels a sort of sadistic satisfaction at the sight of destruction.

Now he’s not the only one broken.

But once that fades, he's left once more with his memories and his regret.

"Dammit." He groans, dropping his face in his hands hopelessly.

Standing, Tae grabs Jungkook by the hand before he can follow the rest of them out. The door shuts behind them, leaving only him and Jungkook in the meeting room, an uneasy silence hanging over them. With words they need to say, questions waiting to be answered.

"Taeh--" Jungkook begins, but in his rush, Tae interrupts him.

"Were you there?"

The silence that blossoms between them grows to a deafening roar as Jungkook gently pulls away from Taehyung's firm hold. It creates a bitter but necessary distance between the two of them. It lets them know that they're different, that what happened back then was something that belonged to one as much as it did the other.

"You heard her too, didn't you?" Jungkook murmurs, his words turning Taehyung's blood cold. Smiling softly, Jungkook runs his hands through his hair. "I saw you as you were leaving, you were the one who recorded her, aren't you?"

Biting his bottom lip, Tae can't answer. Even though he knows that moment wasn't his, even though he knows that his ideas of fate and chance have been destroyed, he's unable to admit to it. He can't find it in him to voice the fact that he was there, that he gave birth to her chance, and he wanted it to be his and his alone.

Jungkook chuckles nervously at the silence before speaking once more.

"I wonder...why didn't you have the same idea as me?"

His hands tangled up in the locks of his hair, Taehyung stares at the slick wooden table, his heart in knots and his mind jumbled.

"Why didn't I?" he mutters to himself, a soft whisper that lingers empty on the air. "Why couldn't I say anything?"

Pulling away from the table, where Yen's future was decided this morning, he swallows hard. By the end of the day, he found himself lingering around this room, the studio, anyplace that reminded him of her.

Laughing bitterly, he rubs his forehead.

"Why..." He whispers, holding his phone tightly to his chest.

"Why can't I forget you?"

Biting his bottom lip, he quickly messages you, having the sudden urge to see you. Maybe then, would he realize what he can't find? Would he be able to create another memory, another moment in time? One that was yours and yours alone?

After a couple of moments, you don't answer.

Maybe...I was just afraid of letting go.

Standing almost decisively, he rushes out of the room, and down the hallways of the building.

I need to know.

As he rides the same elevator you rode yesterday down to the lobby, he holds his phone tighter in his hand.

If I don't find out now, I may never get another chance.

Desperate, he sends another message to you.

One more time.

Catching his face in the metallic walls of the elevator, he can't help but imagine yours smiling up at him. A face that makes everything seem alright again.

That's all I need.

What happens when that is taken away from him? What happens when he can no longer see the person who gives him courage? Biting his lip, he can feel the pain in his chest grow.

Just let me see you one more time.

He doesn't want to let you go.

As the elevator dings and he steps out, he pauses, seeing Namjoon right in front of him. Namjoon glances up, his eyes glazed over and tired, but when he sees Tae, they widen in recognition. Taehyung smiles inwardly to himself, he knows this look. A look lost in the wilderness of creativity and desolation.

"Oh, Taehyung!" he says, and Taehyung nods to him curtly before brushing past him and continuing to the front door. Namjoon, however, catches him by the wrist and Tae pauses, turning around.

"Namjoon?" His face is blank, but something in his eyes tells Tae to be wary. They are sort of dark, not really there, but urgent and anxious. Taehyung wonders how eyes can hold so many words, and yet tell you nothing at all.

"You knew, didn't you?"

At his words, Tae blinks, his heart pounding.

"I..."

"That's why you followed her, how you knew about her injury."

How does he know?

"When were you going to tell me?"

Biting his bottom lip, Taehyung can't help but feel a bit of aggravation towards his older friend. Why can't he keep anything to himself? Why is it a crime for him to live his own life, without everyone looking in? Yanking his arm out of Namjoon's grip, he scowls, turning on his heel.

"When it became your business."

Namjoon stands there, a bit in shock before rushing forward and taking Tae forcibly by the arm once more.

"Taehyung, wait!" At his touch, Tae tries to pull away, but Namjoon won't budge, his eyes desperate and wild. They unnerve Taehyung, make him want to escape, hide away until everything turns back to normal again. "If she's going to become an idol, any affiliation you have with her will only hurt her."

Tae's eyes widen at his words, snapping a hidden string he didn't know he had inside of him. RM doesn't notice, instead, his grip tightens around Tae until he feels as though he's suffocating from the inside out.

"You know that right?"

Gritting his teeth, Tae pulls away from Namjoon, staggering back until he's a good distance away. Raising his eyes to his hyung, Namjoon finds a look he's never seen in his younger friend before.

Loathing.

"Don't act as though you know everything." He spits before turning away and walking out of the door.

Namjoon sighs as he watches him leave before glancing over at the now empty lobby. The lobby where just a day ago, he met a sweet, cheerful girl. Someone who filled his mind with inspiration and wonder.

Smiling sadly, he rubs the back of his neck, looking up at the sky as though that will offer him the answers he seeks.

"Just who are you, Yen?"

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: this one was actually pretty hard to write, i'm ngl ;-;

chapter 25 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years ago

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This pandemic has brought out the worst in me. My sleeping schedule is a mess (I go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 2pm), I'm barely able to get out of the bed, I can barely do the dishes and take out the trash, I spend too much time on YouTube and inside my head, thinking about all the stuff I wanted to work on but being unable to do it.

My memory has also gotten worse - if it's not something I'm not obsessed with then I'll not remember the details. I was trying to snap myself out of this hazy floating by trying to focus my mind at least on reading, which is something I absolutely love, but now I'm unable to focus even on a plot I find interesting and intriguing, my mind immediately starts to wander, or I need to do at least 2 things at once (reading and checking Reddit, or reading and listening to some ambient music). I've also started to not finish stories where I once used to read a book a day.

I know the theory of what I should be doing, but that's it. I'm unable to JUST DO it. I think my Te is trying to motivate me by trying to wake up my conscience, but it's not enough. I hate this because I know I can do things and concentrate and be responsible and productive, but because I'm fine and all my basic needs are met I don't have the need to pull myself together. I used to fuel my 7 by travelling and observing people, but now that we need to stay home, and I have covid (so my friends bring me groceries), my 9w1 core sloth is all too happy to be left alone, with my devices.

I know that this pandemic brought pandemic fatigue with it, plus it's spring and I'm always tired in spring (plus my years-long medical issues with thick blood and low blood pressure), but it's driving me crazy that I could've gotten better at my hobbies and could've reached some of my goals by now only if I DID things. Things that used to work don't help anymore. And then I don't even stay mad long because some new video distracts me.

Is there something from a mbti perspective that can help to start doing things and concentrating on them? (For context I'm an ENFP 9w1 7w6 2w3)

Also thank you so much for this blog, thank you for helping lost souls find their way and be better people, both inside their head and outside when interacting with the outer world ❤️ I haven't been studying mbti for that long but so far I've seen so much valuable information on your blog, and for free!

Are you mad enough at yourself yet to change your behavior?

That's really the bottom line here, because you KNOW that YOU have to start being responsible and doing things and not just wasting your time... but YOU are the only person who will force yourself to do things.

A couple of thoughts. First, I recognize this phenomenon / brain fog. It happened to me several times last year during the pandemic (where I am, things are opening up, so hopefully they will soon for you as well) and I hated it. My mind was unclear, I had lots of things I needed to do but could not focus on any of them. It was, to be honest, a Si grip, which yanks you out of Ne-dom (possibilities, excitement about doing projects, seeing things made real) and turns your intuition into a "fog." There's no access to Fi (do I care about this? if I care, am I a principled person enough to do it?) and no Te (how am I going to prioritize my tasks?), just Si (I'm comfy doing nothing and feeling depressed) and flits of Ne, which only show up as being bored, easily distracted, etc. So some of this is a Si grip, and some of it is general depression (being unfocused, sleeping in late, not taking care of yourself, no motivation even for things you love, unable to finish things). You need to approach it by dealing with both -- getting back into your stronger functions (Ne: envisioning possibilities and finding a purpose, Fi: drawing upon your character and who you want to be and what you care about, to take action, Te: making a plan, forcing yourself to do what needs done, and keeping track of your progress to self-motivate) -- and by recognizing and admitting that you are depressed, and asking what you can do about it.

Second, you have built up some BAD habits during the pandemic. I get it. I fell into some of this as well last autumn, when I ceased being my usual productive self and started leaving work (from home) at 3pm every day. I developed a bad habit of just watching television, which numbed my brain and ultimately bored me. It's only now that I have hope and can go to the store without a mask on that I am feeling happier (my little 7 wing rejoices and has PLANS) and can work through into the late afternoon. I'm re-establishing a schedule that is productive throughout the day instead of allowing myself to "meander" in life. So what you need to do is look at your habits. Make a list of them. Look at what you told me: basically, it is I have become undisciplined, my sleep schedule is bad, and then I wake up late and feel lazy so I don't do anything. What is ONE THING that would jolt you into a different routine? Go to bed on time. Set a time every night, shut off all your devices an hour ahead of it, read a book until you get sleepy, and go to sleep. Wake up at a decent hour. If you wake up at 7am instead of 2pm, your body won't fall into its usual "welp, afternoon is half over, guess I'll watch YouTube" habit. It will go -- wait, what new habit are we forming? Breakfast? Then work?? Okay!

Lastly, and this is HUGELY important for an ENFP -- decide the night before what you are going to accomplish or work on tomorrow. Why? It prepares your brain to know what is expected from it. Unless I do this each night, and have a notion of how I am going to spend my time, my Ne goes ?!?! and I get very little done or waste three hours trying to decide what to do. But if I say, "Okay, tomorrow I am finishing chapter four," I usually finish chapter four (and then some). Today, I have to work at my paying job. I knew this last night, so I am mentally clear and prepared to focus only on the task at hand. I don't treat today as "mine." It belongs to my employer. I know what I am going to do, I intend to do it, and when I get home, I know what else I can work on. Learn to create this habit each night before bed. Decide what tomorrow is going to be like and commit to it.

As for tasks you don't want to do that still need done -- just do them. You can spend 2 weeks avoiding them, or spend an hour and get it over with so you don't feel like crap about yourself because you have kept avoiding it for weeks. Decide, "Tomorrow, I am doing that thing first thing in the morning," and then do it.

You will find that when you start setting yourself tasks (Te) that your Ne starts working properly again -- it will become more focused, less hazy, and more interested in what you can contribute, rather than just mindless "consuming." It's fine to have a down day now and again (even so, it's also useful to have a vague idea the night before of what this day will contain, even if it's fun -- it's fun and exciting to anticipate things) but your life NEEDS structure, or you won't do anything.

I hope you can pull yourself out of this, because you won't be happy unless you do. ENFPs need to get things done, contribute, feel like they are moving forward, and have something to show for their time. Without it, they will get angry at themselves -- as you well know.

#question #mbti #enfp #depression #self growth #spiritual development

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layce2015 · 5 years ago

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The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel x Reader)

(A/n: just wanna say that I'm not gonna follow the game completely. A good amount of it I will follow but there is a fate of a certain character that I'm gonna change as I feel Naughty Dog did this character dirty.)

Chapter 1: I Don't Know What Happened

The Last of Us (Joel x Reader) Masterlist

"I don't know what happened." Joel admits to Tommy as he starts to clean the neck of the guitar. The two brothers were out on patrol and decided to stop and take a break in this abandoned house. There Tommy had to ask Joel what happened with the Fireflies as Joel and (y/n) seemed a bit tight lipped about what happened.

"(Y/n) and I were suppose to take her to the Fireflies and walk away." Joel said before he let's out a small scoff. "You go halfway across the country with someone. She needed her immunity to mean something. Maybe we were starting to buy into that whole...cure business. Maybe (y/n) and I just wanted to do right by her. And then we made it." Joel explains as Tommy sits across from him, listen intently.

"We found the Fireflies. And because of her...they were actually going to make a cure. The only catch...it would kill her." Joel said, whispering the last sentence.

Flashback

"Sweet Jesus." Joel mutters and (y/n)'s jaw drops as the couple made it to the operating room.

"Doctor?" A nurse said and the doctor turns to them and gasped. "What're you two doing here? I won't let you two take her. This is our future. Think of all the lives we'll save." The doctor said as he grabs a scalpel and aims it at them. Joel glares at the doctor with determination while (y/n) closed her mouth and started to reach for her gun.

Present Day

"Jesus, Joel." Tommy mutters, shocked, as he stares at his older brother. "What did you two do?" He asked. Joel looks up at Tommy for a moment and replies. "We saved her."

Flashback

After killing the doctor, Joel disconnects the tubes and goes to pick Ellie up. "Stay back!" (Y/n) yelled at the nurse as Joel whispers to Ellie. "Come on, baby girl. I gotcha..."

As he picks her up, the couple look out the window to see some lights shining through. "Oh shit." Joel said as he starts to run at the door. "Get back!" (Y/n) ordered at the guards that were coming in, aiming her gun at them before turning around and follow Joel out of the room.

Present Day

"Damn, Joel. That's um...that's a lot." Tommy said, sounding like this was a hard pull to swallow. Tomny looks down them back up towards Joel. "What does Ellie know?" He asked as Joel continued to clean the guitar. "I told her they ran some tests. I told her...her immunity meant nothing." Joel replied.

"And she believed you?" Tommy asked, curiously. "She didn't say otherwise." Joel said, softly, as he looks down. "And (y/n) was okay with this?" Tommy asked. Joel stops cleaning the guitar, looks at the floor for a bit before he raises his head up and nods at his brother.

Flashback

"Joel?" (Y/n) asked her husband as they drive down the highway in the truck, Ellie still passed out in the backseat. Joel turns his head slightly to look at her, her face full of concern and worry. "Are we really gonna go through with this? Lying to her?" She asked.

"We have to. For her sake." Joel replied. (Y/n) let's out a sigh then looks down at her hands. She looks over her shoulder at Ellie and starts to think over what just happened. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Joel asked her, concerned.

(Y/n) continues to look at Ellie, as if she held all the answers, and she started to think about what if they let Ellie die, and it turned out that the vaccine didn't work? Then Ellie would've died for nothing. But then what if it did? Would the world go back to normal?

(Y/n) let's out another sigh before she turns to Joel and shakes her head at him. "No. I just don't like lying to her." She whispers before she turns back around and starts to twiddle her thumbs together.

Present Day

Tommy let's out a heavy sigh and shakes his head before he looks back at Joel. "We should head back." Tommy said and he gets up and grabs his backpack. Joel watches him start to leave then stands up, grabs his bag and the guitar and follows him out.

The two brothers go out to the garage, open the door then head to the horses and climb on. Then the two head out and start to head back home.

They make their way over the grassy hill to see the town of Jackson in the distance. As they make their way down the hill, Tommy starts to speak. "Did (y/n) go for her checkup?" Tommy asked Joel as they continued down the hill.

"She's suppose to go today...guess I'll find out how she is when I get there." Joel replied as the worry for the wellbeing of his wife started to linger in his mind. The past week, she had been sick and throwing up it seemed like every morning. She thought it was some type of flu but it didn't feel like the flu.

Luckily, there was a doctor in Jackson and (y/n) decided to go see him. Joel hoped that the doctor would figure it out and give (y/n) some sort've medicine. He hated to see her so miserable.

"We're almost there." Tommy said to Joel as they make it to the front gate of Jackson. As they got closer, the doors opened and they trotted inside and head over to the stable. Joel gets off of his horse, grabs the reigns and starts to lead the horse to the stable.

"It's okay. I got them, you go on." Tommy said to Joel. "You sure?" Joel asked and Tommy nods. "Alright." Joel mutters then he grabs his bag off of the saddle. "About what we were talking about earlier...." Tommy started to say and Joel stops and turns to him.

"I can't say I'd have done different. I'll take it to the grave if I have to." Tommy said to Joel, who nodded at him. "I'll see you later, Tommy." Joel said and he starts to walk down the street while Tommy leads the horses to the stable.

Meanwhile, Ellie was sitting her little room, which was basically a shed behind Joel and (y/n)'s house, drawing in her journal. She was listening to her walkman, which she fixed, and started bobbing her head to the music as she continued to draw.

Unbeknownst to her, there was a knock at the door but, thanks to her headphones, she didn't hear the knock. The door opens and Joel sticks his head inside. "Hello? Ellie?" He calls out but he noticed that she had her headphones on.

So he walks over to her then nudges the chair with his foot, which startles Ellie as she jumps and takes off her headphones. She turns her head and sees Joel standing behind her. "Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack." She said, breathless, as she closes her journal and stands up to face him.

"I tried knocking, but..." Joel stops as he gestures towards the door. Ellie leans against her desk and looks up at Joel. "Hey." She said. "Hey." He said back. "What's up, Joel?" She asked him. "Just checking in." Joel replied. "Folks are..." he let's out a sigh then he starts to pace back and forth in her room.

"...y'know talking about how impressed they are with you and how well you're helping out." He finished. "Good." Ellie said. "Yeah." He mutters.

"Umm...is (y/n) okay? I heard she wasn't feeling good." Ellie said, concerned. "She hadn't made it back from the doctor yet....but I guess I'll find out here real soon." He said and Ellie nods.

"Tommy and I went out riding the other day and he, uh...he told me a joke and I thought about you. It's ummm....." Joel said but then he stopped as he tries to remember the joke. "Well, shoot, I forgot it. Something about a clock...how do you--" he started to say but Ellie interrupts him.

"Joel, it's, uh, it's pretty late, and I gotta get up in a few hours--" she said. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, and I'm gonna get out of your hair. I just um--" he said then he points towards the door then looks back at her. "I wanna show you somethin'. Just gimme one second." He said as he goes to the door, opens it and picks up the guitar then comes back in her room.

"What's this?" Ellie asked him, nodding towards the instrument. "Some folks call this here a gee-tar." Joel replied, really pouring into his Texas accent. "Funny." Ellie chuckles, softly. "You wanna hear something?" Joel asked her. "Okay." She said and he nods as he goes to sit down, the guitar on his lap.

"Promise me that you won't laugh." He said to her. "I won't laugh. I won't." She assures him as she sits down in her chair. "I'm trusting you." Joel said, smirking, then he takes a deep breath and starts to play.

If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

Everything I have found here

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed

To make this man of me

All of my stolen missing parts

I've no need for anymore

I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days

Days of you and me

As he sings the song, Ellie smiles, softly, at him while (y/n) started walking towards the door then leaned against the frame. She got back from the doctors and spent most of the evening walking around Jackson, trying to clear her head as she was shocked at what the doctor had said to her.

It took her awhile to convince herself that she had to tell Joel and she was heading back to their home when she heard music playing. She followed it and realized that it was coming from Ellie's little shed house and walked up just in time to hear her husband sing.

She smiled fondly at this as she remembered the day he first sang to her. It was actually about a year after they started dating and he brought out his guitar and started to play and sing for her. In that moment, (y/n) realized that she had, indeed, falling in love with Joel. When he was done singing, she said the words "I love you" first and he, of course, he said "I love you" back.

(Y/n) was brought back to the present when she heard him stop playing and he looks over at Ellie. "There you go." He said. "Well...that didn't suck." Ellie replied, smiling, and Joel chuckles while (y/n) smiles. "I'll take what I can get." Joel said.

"Well, in my opinion, you still got it." (Y/n) said and both Ellie and Joel look over at her, both of them startled as they didn't hear her come in. "Hey." Joel said as he starts to stand up, still holding the guitar in his hand, and walking up to her.

"Hey, (y/n). You doing okay?" Ellie asked and (y/n) let's out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine but, um..." she said then she looks over at Joel. "I-I need to talk to you, privately." She said to him.

The two share a look before Joel nods then goes back over to Ellie and holds out the guitar to her. "She's yours." He said to her, who looks at this in shock. "No. No, no, no, I don't know the first thing about this." Ellie said, quickly. "I promised that I'd teach you how to play." He said as Ellie takes the guitar.

She looks up at him, surprised that he remembered that. She smiles then looks down at the instrument. "You did." She said, softly. "So what you say? Tomorrow night, first lesson?" He asked her. "Deal." She replied, smiling. "Okay." Joel said and (y/n) smiles at this.

Joel walks over to (y/n), who takes his hand in hers, and they start to walk out until Ellie speaks up. "Did--" she stops as the two adults turns to her. "Did you remember the joke?" Ellie asked him and Joel leans against the door and thinks for a moment before he remembered how the joke went.

"What is the downside to eating a clock?" He recites and Ellie thinks for a moment but shrugs as she couldn't think of an answer. "It's time-consuming." Joel said and Ellie chuckles and (y/n) snickers under breath. "That's so dumb." Ellie laughs. "Yeah." Joel and (y/n) said then Joel grabs the knob of the door.

"Goodnight, kiddo." He said and he shuts the door and the two adults head back to their house.

Later, Joel opens the front door of their home and (y/n) walks in first before she stops in the middle of the hallway. "Everything alright?" Joel asked her after he shuts the door and walks up to her, her back facing him and her arms folded across her chest.

(Y/n)'s heart was beating rapidly, whether in fear or excitement she wasn't for sure. She just wasn't sure how Joel would take this news. "Hey." Joel said, softly, as he comes up to her and places his hands on her shoulders.

She turns her head to look at him then placed her right hand on one of his hands. "Whatever it is you need to tell me, we'll get through it." He said and she smiled at this, then she removes her hand off of his and turns to face him.

"I, uh...I really don't know how to say it, so I'm gonna come out and say it." (Y/n) said and Joel gives her a worried look as she takes a few deep breathes before she starts to speak. "Joel...I'm pregnant."

Joel's eyes widen and he let's out a gasp at this. "What? Y-You serious?" He asked her, shocked. "Yeah. He thinks I'm at least alittle over a month along. So that night we had together when we were out on patrol and that storm came through and we took shelter..." She replied and placed her hand over her stomach, feeling the little bump. There was long shocked pause between the two before she speaks up.

"Joel? Honey, are you...?" She started to asked but then Joel cups her face in his hands then leans in and kissed her on the lips. "Thank you." He whispers, his lips ghosting over her lips. (Y/n) let's out a breathless laugh and the couple share another loving kiss then embrace one another, relishing in this happy moment.

A moment that neither one of them ever dreamed would come true.

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babylooneytoonz · 4 years ago

Text

Sweet Temptations - Tommy Shelby x Fem! Reader

A/N- So I really hadn't expected to get this one done so early. But here we go, I am done and I'm not sure if it's any good.

Summary- (Y/N) is a married woman, stuck in a loveless, unhappy marriage with one of Thomas Shelby's rivals who mistreats her and abuses her. She embarks on this forbidden affair with him.

Read part-2 here.

Warnings- MAJOR SMUT MAYBE? Porn without plot? Read it at your own risk.

Requested by- @peakyfooky

Thank you to the creators for their lovely GIFs. These aren't mine. One of them was found on the internet so if it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you❤️

"Mrs. Button?" Your housekeeper stepped into the library of your mansion, her eyes trained on you. You were perched on an armchair, a book spread out on your lap, your finger holding a lit cigarette as you brought it up to your lip, the dried gash on your bottom lip burning slightly every time you tried to speak, so you just motioned to her to come in.

"Mr. Button requests your presence in his study."

You nodded, shutting the book and standing up, stubbing the cigarette into the ashtray and placing the book back on the rack from where you had pulled it out. You wondered what that vile, evil man who your parents had married you off to, for money, was upto now.

You were twenty four, married to this man for two years and still childless, because he was more into filthy street whores than he was into you. But you were okay with it. You would have felt worse if he had wanted your body.

Wrapping your arms around your body and rubbing the sides of your arms, you walked down the well lit hallway, towards the mahogany door that smelt like cigarettes and booze from a distance. You placed yourself by the door and knocked, hearing a grunt from inside. You stepped in, your eyes falling on the vile creature that sat lounged over the desk, his feet sprawled up on the desk, his baloon belly evident from underneath the layer of rich fabric that made up his shirt.

"Where were you last night eh? The maids fucking tell me you went out."

You bit the insides of your cheeks– there was nothing you wanted to do more than to slap the smug look from his face but the fresh gash from two days back still reminded you of what kind of a sick, twisted fuck he was.

"We were out of bread so I– "

"So I what? When I've given you twelve fucking maids to do these things for you, why do you insist on still going out? To whore yourself to men? Why?"

"Seriously, Michael– "

Before you could even reply, he had grabbed the nearest object on his desk, a tiny round decorative item that he had brought from his trip to America and thrown it towards you. Maybe they were your reflexes, but you found yourself ducking at the right time, the tiny object slamming into the wall behind you and breaking into many tiny pieces.

"You fucking bitch." He hissed,licking over his malignant, yellow teeth when there was a knock on the door.

"What the fuck do you want eh?" He yelled, his eyes not moving from yours as now you stood in a corner, your hands curled into fists, kneading into the fabric of your dress as anger coursed through you like lava.

The door opened and one of your husband's henchmen stepped in.

"Boss, Thomas Shelby's here."

Thomas Shelby– the striking blue eyed devil– the only one that managed to irk your husband beyond capacity, that one reason you were thankful to him for. Your husband was so busy planning and plotting to get this Thomas Shelby out of the picture, he didn't focus that much on you, for which you were grateful for.

"Bring the bastard in, of course." Your husband pursed his lips, his eyes flying to you. "Get us a drink now."

"I thought you had twelve fuckin' maids to do this for you." You spat angrily, moving to the liquor cabinet when the door finally opened and the atmosphere in the room changed and the wafting fragrance of a man's eu de cologne spread through your nostrils, a warm welcoming fragrance, that reminded you of anything but your husband's sweaty stink. The man that walked in was a handsome one, a cap placed over his side shaven head, his long coat flowing in after him. He had a cigarette in his grip. If you didn't know better, you wouldn't think this man was dangerous.

"Mr. Button, I see you accepted to meet me at such a short notice eh."

"Sit down, Mr. Shelby. I hear you have a proposition for me."

It was as though you were invisible in a corner but it was your husband's words that pulled you put of your concentrated stare on the man that had just walked in.

"What you fuckin' doing there eh? Can we bloody have our drinks?"

Mr. Button's directed gaze towards you caused the handsome stranger's head to snap towards you and that's when your eyes met his icy, blue ones, and unknowingly, you parted your lips, letting your tongue slide out and moisten your lower lip. There was something electrifying about the eyes; an imaginary pull that seemed to be binding you to him.

Quietly, you walked up to the men, placing your drinks on the desk for either of them and looked up at your husband.

"Can I do anything else for you, dear husband?" You said, sarcastically.

"Yes, just fuck off."

"Gladly." You muttered under your breath, taking a step away to turn towards the door, but not without sharing one last lingering glance with Thomas Fuckin' Shelby.

• ───━━━━─ ● ─━━━━─── •

You could hear the men screaming from your bedroom but you couldn't care. In fact, a part of you found thrill in an imagination that maybe, a bad scuffle will take place and somehow, your husband will be killed in action. You had just stepped out of the shower, wearing nothing but an almost sheer negligee, a towel wrapped around your head and a loose fitting robe that hadn't been knotted up in the center. You could hear the sound of the motorcar from your window so out of curiousity, you walked up to the window and fixed yourself to it.

You could see the leader of the Peaky Blinders get into his motorcar with the men that had accompanied him, the car slowly pulling off the driveway. You bit your lip, too hard, drawing out blood, the metallic taste spreading in your mouth. You wanted him to look up at the window once and as if he had read your thoughts, his eyes flew up to the window, catching you staring at him. You didn't realize why, but a smile broke out against your lip, your palm latching to the glass pane of the window, as you watched him drive away.

It was almost two minutes later when you heard the sound of the motorcar again, and this time when you looked, relief spread through you when you saw your husband and a few of his men leave in their cars. At least now you had the house to yourself, atleast for a few hours. Usually when he left around midnight, he wasn't back until 9 or 10 the next morning.

You took off the towel, drying off your wet hair that were now clinging to your body, droplets of water running down your neck. You wrapped the robe around your frame, pulling out a cigarette from the box and lighting it as you stepped out of your room and walked down the hallway to the library on the ground floor– the only room in this godforsaken mansion that didn't feel alien to you– the only room that you found yourself spending most of your time in.

The minute you stepped into the hallway, a shiver ran down your spine as the chilly wind hit you, causing you to realize that the connecting door to the garden from the library was wide open.

"Hello? Janice? Is that you?" You called out, hoping to find your housekeeper trot inside, with a broom in her hand but no one answered. So, shrugging your shoulders in an incoherent manner, you walked up to the glass door, bolting it shut from the inside when you heard it, the unmistakable sound of a footstep creaking against the wooden floorboards somewhere, in the library, with you.

A sudden fear gripped you, you knew your husband had many, many enemies and it wouldn't be unusual for one of the crazy ones to have sneaked into your home and was now hiding in the library, somewhere, alone with you. You quickly grabbed a candlestick, curling your fingers tighter against the iron, taking a small, yet cautious step towards the library. Your eyes scanned the book racks, trying to spot anyone hiding in between them, your mind alert when suddenly, you saw him.

He was just a shadow, lurking in a dark corner at the back of your library, shielded by the last book rack, but you could see that he was facing you.

"I can see you, you know." You murmured in your husky voice, ready to strike him with the candlestick when he finally stepped out from the dark, into the light, your eyes now adjusting to see who he was.

"You." Was all you could manage to say, your heart suddenly palpitating, your knees already feeling like jelly. There stood the man you had secretly been sharing glances with all day, right in front of you, within your arms reach.

"My husband's not here, Mr. Shelby, this visit of yours is very inappropriate." You commented, half heartedly, meaning no word of it.

"Yet you made no fuss, Mrs. Button. When you could have screamed and alerted everyone in your home." Thomas Shelby's lips held the slightest of smirks against its corners, but his eyes were emotionless and bland.

You didn't loosen your grip over the candlestick, your eyes following every movement that the man made, as you saw him pull out his box of cigarettes and nip one between his teeth. His other hand moved to the pocket of his coat, pulling out a box of matches but somehow, it fell from his hand and fell to the floor, settling right in between you and him.

You took a step closer, your eyes still on him as you bent and grabbed the box, before he could. You then pulled out a match, lighting it and stepped closer towards him to help him light the end of his stick, his features appearing even more glorious under the pale flickering light of the match.

"I saw you leave in your car."

"You should be more careful with that door." He pointed towards the back entrance of your library that led to the garden. "Any lad can get in through the back and not all of them will be here for– "

"For what, Mr. Shelby?" You cut him off abruptly.

You could feel a weird, tingly sensation in your fingers. You wanted to reach out and hook your fingers on the fabric of his coat, take it off. So you did. His eyebrow shot up in surprise for he hadn't expected you to be so forward. You tugged slightly on his coat and smiled, "We have a fireplace in here that should be warm enough, Mr. Shelby, I don't think you'll need your coat. May I?"

You helped him slide out of his coat first before holding it in your hands and making your way to the coat hanger and hanging it over. Your eyes fell on the library door and like a stealthy cat, you quickly swiped the door shut, trying to hide this little whatever this was from the employees of your house.

"Care for a drink Mr. Shelby?"

He hummed in response, his eyes fixed on you, moving slightly lower and then back up again. It was funny how this one act of vulgarity didn't seem to phase you, and in fact you even liked it. You slowly turned away from him, walking up to the other side of the room, your bare feet grazing against the carpeted floor on this side. You pushed yourself up on your toes, trying to pull out the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet, making sure to give him a good view of you from behind. Your fingers clasped against the neck of the bottle as you pulled it down from the top rack and poured it carefully into two glasses, taking them back to him.

He gladly accepted the drink, his fingers almost brushing with yours when he took the glass, causing shivers to run down your spine. You knew it– the game that he was playing – intentionally touching you so very subtly, knowing how you were actually enjoying the flirting.

"What's a woman of your likes doing with a man like him?"

You could sense the distaste behind his words so you just parted your lips and let out a weak sigh before taking a sip of your whiskey.

"Call it a punishment for being born into a greedy family. Sold me off to the monster for some good pounds like I was a mare." You commented.

"Why didn't you run away? You could have gone to London, or even to America."

"It's not that easy, not when you're married to a gangster. You out of all men should understand that." You said, relishing the bitter yet sweet taste of the whiskey on your taste buds.

"Mr. Shelby, enough about me. I wanted to know the reason for your visit. I know you're not here to meet Michael." You slurred.

You saw the man's eyebrow twitch but you couldn't determine if it was out of amusement or something else. After a lingering minute of silence, you watched as he downed the whiskey in one go, almost slamming the glass back against one of the racks.

"Can we skip past the formalities now, Mrs. Button? I think you know why I am here."

You couldn't deny it. You and this man had a sizzling chemistry. There was a raw desire spurting inside you, that wanted nothing more to be satiated. You could feel it– the sexual tension, the need to touch each other, the need to feel him touch you at places you had forgotten how a man's touch felt like.

You nodded.

Thomas Shelby's hands grabbed you, his hands locking around your waist as he pulled you into his embrace and slowly turned around, so you were now pinned against the rack, his front pressing into you. You could feel his slow, ready grinding against your core, causing your body to erupt into a sensation of desires, like small electric short circuits everywhere. You parted your lips and let out a low moan, only to be shut up when his lips slammed against yours in a needy way. You were a believer, a devout Christian by faith, you knew the temptations the Devil was capable of and you knew that Thomas Shelby was nothing more than the devil in disguise. But this didn't deter you from wanting to taste into the fruit of sin.

Your hands curled around his head, your fingers latching into the back of his head, tugging at his hair, your mouth struggling to keep pace with the sweet assault on them. His pupils dilated due to his lust for you, he kissed you, ravaging your lips, biting and tugging at them in the most animalistic way.

"Fuckin' hell." You cursed as his teeth almost bit into the gash on your lip, the one where your husband had mercilessly beat you a few nights before, the taste of your own metallic blood in your mouth. Maybe Tommy tasted it too, for he immediately pulled away, his hands still holding you in place.

"Did he do this to you?"

You nodded.

"Come with me then. Leave that man." Those were the words he said to you as he grabbed you by your hand and dragged you to the desk in the corner.

"And go where? He'll find me. You know I can't fucking do that." For once, you could feel yourself weaken, the sudden realization of it all seeping through you, that you were trapped in a life full of torture and abuse and there was nothing you could do about it.

"I'll think of something, until then –" he brought his palm up to your cheek, his thumb brushing over the gash on your lip that was bleeding now.

"Thomas– " You moaned.

Maybe the way his name rolled out of your lips was too much for him to bear, he literally started ripping your robe off in an attempt to free you of it while you hands fervently ran against the buttons of his shirt to get it off. Clothes were ripped off and the library floor was stocked with piles of discarded clothes, both of you naked and beautiful under each other's eyes, by the desk by the fireplace.

Tommy's hands grabbed your bare arse, kneading it lightly until he barked at you to turn over and you complied. You felt vulnerable, bent on your own desk with nothing to cover your modesty, his eyes snaking over your back, your arse but you liked it. So much so that you were horrified if someone was to hear you, not because of what your husband would do to you, but because of how you would have to part with this man right now when you wanted nothing more than to feel him inside you.

"For fucks sake, Thomas, I need you now. I don't want anyone to– "

"Your wish is my fuckin' command." Was all he said. That was all the warning you received.

And then you screamed in a sweet, pleasurable pain when he thrust his hard cock into you, making you grab the edge of the table while his nails dug into your hips. A series of curses followed and soon, you found yourself enjoying the way his cock was ravaging your core. His pace inside you was relentless, his hits merciless, hitting you at just the right spot every time, causing you to just sneak closer to your edge with every hit.

"Fuck," Tommy grunted in a low voice, sliding in and out of you, the sound of your skin slapping against his echoing through the library.

"Fucking hell, Thomas– " You seethed, holding on to the desk as you felt your eyes roll at the back of your head, pleasure bursting inside you with every movement of his.

"You feel so good." He slurred, his voice thick with lust and desire. It was like music to your ears, a music you didn't want to stop listening to. But you also knew that all good things often come to an end. "Come for me now, love. Come on." His voice commanded you, making you tip over your edge.

And the command was all it took for you to come crashing down, your body trembling as your pussy clenched around his cock, shooting sparks all over your body. And after a few unsteady, light thrusts, you felt him twitch inside you as a final signal that he was there too, his warm seed spilling into you as he moaned something incoherent that you couldn't make out.

He stayed like that for a few silent seconds, both of yous erratic breathing empowering each others until you finally felt him slide out of you. You stood up, leaving a trail of his cum rolling down your thigh as you struggled to put your underwear on and then grabbed your robe silently while Tommy pulled his pants up and started rummaging for his torn shirt that had almost been ripped apart by you.

You bit your lip awkwardly now; a sudden void filling up your heart.

Thomas Shelby had gotten what he wanted, and maybe he would never look your way again.

Of course, this couldn't mean more than a one time thing to him, could it?

Suddenly, the sound of a match lighting brought you back into reality but you were startled to find him standing inches apart from you, his palm on your cheek, his index finger rubbing gently over your gash.

"You alright love?"

You gave him a weak smile and nodded.

You parted your lips to reply but a loud bang on the door caused you and Thomas to turn towards the door.

"Mrs. Button, is everything alright in there?" Janice called out.

"It-It is, Janice, is there anything you want?"

"Just wanted to let you know your husband's home."

"Fucking hell, looks like our time is up, Mr. Shelby," Your eyes flew to Tommy, as the curse escaped your mouth. He looked unbothered."I'll join him in a minute." You called out to Janice.

Tommy didn't say anything else. As quietly as he had come in, you saw him walk towards the door that led to your garden and you followed him. It was only when he reached the door and you unbolted it for him, did he turn and look into your eyes and speak.

"Until next time, Mrs. Button."

"Call me (Y/N). I don't want to be linked with that man. At least not with you around."

"Let me rephrase it then, until next time, (Y/N), who knows it might even be at your dear husband's funeral."

That was the last words that he spoke to you that night before you saw him sneak out through your garden until he wasn't in sight anymore and you stood there by that door, smirking inwardly at his words.

(What do you guys feel about a second part to this? Let me know?)

• ───━━━━─ ● ─━━━━─── •

#thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #peaky fucking blinders #tommy shelby x reader smut #peaky blinders x reader

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440mxs-wife · 4 years ago

Text

Shore Leave - Part 3

(Photo courtesy of IMDb)

Pairing: Pairing: Leonard “Bones” McCoy x Lt. Maggie Parker (OFC). Other Characters: Lt. Ruthie Warner (OFC, mentioned), Eleonora McCoy (Leonard’s mother), Donna (Leonard’s sister), Ryan (OMC)

Word Count: 7100-ish (sorry)

Warnings: Fluff, fluff and more fluff. Minor run-in with an ex, but sooooo much fluff.

A/N: This is a continuation of the ongoing story between Leonard and Maggie, which started with Part 1: New Recruit and Part 2: Something More. Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At first, Lt. Maggie Parker couldn't believe her good luck. The Enterprise was back on Earth in spacedock for extensive repairs and regular maintenance. This meant a two-week shore leave for all personnel. The ship's corridors were abuzz with excitement and everyone sharing their plans on how they'll be spending shore leave.

As soon as Maggie found out, she called her brothers, excited to have time to spend with them and their families. She was heartbroken to find out that they had already made plans to go on a Caribbean cruise. Their trip started the same day her shore leave started and was supposed to last for a month. Not only that, but the tickets were non-refundable. Ruthie was nowhere near Earth, still somewhere in the galaxy, on assignment on the USS Pegasus. With no one around, Maggie was left wondering how she was going to spend her shore leave.

She knew that Leonard was going home to Georgia and would be gone from the ship for all of shore leave. Their relationship was still going well, after almost two years. However, Maggie didn't know how ready either of them were for her to meet his family. She also wasn't too keen on being without his company for those two weeks.

One morning, Maggie was sitting in the mess hall having breakfast. Well, sort of. She had breakfast food on her tray, but hadn't really touched any of it except her coffee. Maggie had requested a hot vanilla latte from the replicator, but by this time, it had gone cold.

"You know, darlin', breakfast works much better if you actually ingest the food, instead of leaving it on your tray," he teased. He took the seat next to Maggie and reached for her hand, covering it with his own. "Everything all right, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Everything's fine, Len," Maggie said softly as she gave him a small smile. "I guess I'm just not that hungry right now. You can help yourself to whatever is here, though," she offered.

McCoy slipped his arm around Maggie's waist. "Are you sure? You've been a little quiet ever since shortly after shore leave was announced. I thought you'd be excited, making big plans and all," he remarked.

"Yeah, well, that was until everyone decided to ditch me and now I have no plans," Maggie retorted in a rare flash of anger. "I'll probably end up staying onboard the ship and using the time to get caught up on my reports. In fact, reports are what I really should be working on right now. Excuse me," Maggie abruptly got up and left the table.

The captain had witnessed Maggie's hasty retreat and joined the table, taking the seat she had recently vacated. "What was that all about?" Kirk wondered.

McCoy shook his head in bewilderment. "You got me, Jim. I asked her what her plans were for shore leave, and she muttered something about everyone deciding to ditch her," he replied.

"Well, I'm going home to Iowa, you're headed home to Georgia," he remarked then snapped his fingers. "You know, you should take her home with you. I mean she is your girlfriend after all. I'll bet Momma McCoy would love to meet her," Kirk suggested.

"Hey, that's a great idea. I wasn't looking forward to spending those two weeks without Maggie anyway. And I'll bet you're right, especially after everything I've told Ma about her. She probably can't wait to meet Maggie," McCoy grinned. "I'm going to go message her right now and tell her there may be one extra for Sunday dinner."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Maggie tried her best to concentrate on her reports to be turned in later to Cmdr. Spock. Unfortunately, this morning's conversation over breakfast with Dr. McCoy continued to run through her mind. I was upset, but I shouldn't have taken it out on my sweet Leonard, she thought. He was only trying to be helpful, and had no idea about my plans for shore leave falling through, Maggie inwardly groaned.

Around midday, Maggie went to the mess hall and picked out some items to take to Leonard for lunch. The MedBay was relatively quiet, not many patients for once. When Nurse Chapel saw who it was, she smiled and pointed Maggie towards Dr. McCoy's office.

Maggie nodded and tentatively knocked on the office door, hoping she wasn't disturbing her boyfriend. When she heard a soft, 'come in', she slowly opened the door and poked her head inside. Dr. McCoy was sitting in his chair, sifting through some papers on his desk.

At the sound of the door opening, he looked up and smiled broadly at seeing his girlfriend. He leaned back in his chair and folded his hands across his chest. "Well, hello there, darlin'. To what do I owe the pleasure? Is everything all right?" he asked.

"I come bearing gifts, or sort of a peace offering, if you will," Maggie replied, setting the food on Leonard's desk. She walked over to his chair, eyes cast downward.

McCoy unclasped his hands and held out his arms. As soon as Maggie got close enough, he reached for her and pulled her onto his lap. He draped one arm across her thighs and with his other hand, he guided her head to rest on his shoulder. Once she was settled, he brushed his thumb up and down Maggie's arm in a soothing motion. "Now, what seems to be the trouble, Love?" he questioned.

Maggie took a deep breath before answering. "I wanted to apologize for my outburst at breakfast. I was disappointed about my situation, but I had no right to take it out on anyone, least of all you. I'm so sorry, Len," she murmured.

"Oh, darlin'," McCoy whispered, then pressed his lips to Maggie's temple. "It's okay that you feel that way. You know you can always talk to me when that happens. So, wanna give it a try? Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked.

She nodded slowly. "I....have no plans for shore leave. My brothers and their families will be on a month-long cruise in the Caribbean with non-refundable tickets. Ruthie's nowhere close to Earth, still on board the USS Pegasus. Jim's going to Iowa, Spock and Uhura have plans and you're going home to Georgia. Once I added all of that up, I felt incredibly....lonely," Maggie explained, a few tears leaving her eyes.

"Hmm. I can see why that would make you a little unhappy. I have an idea, though. What if you came home to Georgia with me?" he suggested.

Maggie sat up in surprise to look McCoy directly in the eyes. "Are you serious? Wait, I-I don't want to intrude on your time with your family, Len," she replied hesitantly.

"Sugar, you would not be an intrusion whatsoever. Frankly, I've been trying to figure out a way for you and my ma to meet each other anyway. What do you say? Will you come home with me to Georgia and meet my family?" he grinned.

A huge smile broke out over Maggie's face as she threw her arms around McCoy's neck and kissed him soundly on the lips. "I would love to come home with you, Len. I love you so much," she replied, whispering the last part.

"I love you too, darlin'. Now, what say we have some of this delicious lunch you brought, and then we can tell Ma the great news?" he asked. Maggie nodded enthusiastically and started to dish out the food she brought with her to Leonard's office.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Soon, the day arrived for everyone to start their two-week shore leave. The shuttle took Maggie and Leonard to the station on Earth. McCoy's sister, Donna, had left his truck in the parking lot. He helped Maggie get up into the truck, then stowed their bags in the truck bed.

Leonard turned the key in the truck's ignition, bringing it roaring to life. He turned to Maggie and grinned, because he couldn't wait for his mother to meet his best girl. He knew that they would get along, with his ma fussing over her, wanting to make sure she felt welcome. Maggie would be as sweet as ever, making sure his ma didn't go to any extra trouble just for her.

Leonard stretched his arm across the back of the bench seat. Maggie slid over to the middle of the bench seat and snuggled up next to him. McCoy placed a sideways kiss to Maggie's temple and curled his arm around her, keeping her close to his side. Maggie placed her right hand on Leonard's chest and gave a contented sigh.

The more miles that ticked by, drawing them ever closer, the more nervous Maggie became. What if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't think I'm good enough for her son? These were the biggest doubts screaming through Maggie's head as she thought of meeting Mrs. McCoy.

"You know, I can hear the wheels turning in your head, Sugar. Relax, please. Just be yourself, that sweet, loving woman I know you are. Within five minutes or less of meeting you, she's going to love you as much as I do. Hell, she'll love you so much, that she'll likely end up disowning me and adopting you," he chuckled.

His remarks seemed to reassure Maggie about meeting one of the most important women in Leonard's life. Before they knew it, they had reached the McCoy family homestead. Leonard put the truck in park and turned off the engine. He exited the vehicle and walked around to the passenger side, which was closest to the house.

Maggie also descended from the truck, but after she closed the door, she leaned up against it, choosing to hang back a little. She saw a woman of medium height with short, gray hair step out onto the porch, drying her hands on a towel. Upon sight of her son, Eleonora McCoy slung the towel over her shoulder and walked towards him, arms outstretched.

"As I live and breathe. Oh, Leonard, my son, it's so good to see you," she beamed.

"Hiya, Ma. It's good to be home to see you," he replied as he closed the distance and brought his mother into his embrace.

They clung to each other for a couple of minutes, then Mrs. McCoy stepped back to peer around Leonard. "Is that her?" she whispered excitedly, a gleeful smile across her face.

He chuckled and held out his hand for Maggie to draw her closer to his side. "Yes. Momma, this is my Maggie. Lt. Maggie Parker, I'd like you to meet my ma, Eleonora McCoy," he remarked.

Maggie held out her hand, which was shaking a little from nervousness. "It's a great honor to meet you, Mrs. McCoy. I've heard a lot about you," Maggie replied.

"Oh, you dear child, come here so I can give you a proper greeting," Eleonora gently chided, holding her arms out. "And please, call me 'Eleonora', 'Momma' or just 'Ma'," she added.

Maggie looked at Leonard, who grinned and nudged her towards his mother. Eleonora wrapped her arms around Maggie and gave her a little squeeze. Maggie could feel the warmth and welcome in the gesture and a few tears leaked from her tightly closed eyes.

The tears did not escape Eleonora's notice when she pulled back. "Leonard, I'm sorry, but I think I accidentally broke your girlfriend," she chuckled nervously. "Honey, is everything all right?" she asked with concern.

"Darlin', are you okay?" McCoy inquired, rubbing circles on Maggie's back.

"I'm fine, really. It's just that--your hug was so warm, it reminded me of the ones my mom used to give me. She and my dad have both been gone for six years now. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed them until right at this moment. Thank you for making me feel so welcome," Maggie finished.

"My precious girl, you are absolutely welcome here, we're happy to have you with us. Did Leonard happen to tell you how much I've been pestering him to meet you? I would've settled for at least a video message, but I'm much happier to have you here in person," Eleonora winked. "Now, follow me, and we'll introduce you to the rest of the family. Don't worry, dear, Leonard will get the bags," she grinned.

"Already on it, Ma," he called as he hoisted the bags from the truck bed to carry them upstairs to his old room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once inside the kitchen, a multitude of heavenly aromas assaulted Maggie's senses. "What is that divine smell?" she asked.

"That would be my secret family recipe for Chicken and Dumplings," Eleonora answered, beaming with pride. "Now that my son is home and with his beautiful girlfriend, I have been cooking up a storm since morning," she replied.

"What can I do to help?" Maggie inquired.

"You can let Leonard take you on a tour of the house, I'll be all right in here," Eleonora tried to assure the young lieutenant.

"I'm sure we can do that later, but there has to be something I can do to help. I'm pretty good in the kitchen, always used to help my mom. Please?" Maggie practically begged.

"Well....I was going to make a peach cobbler for dessert. If you'd like, you can peel and dice the peaches, then put them in this bowl right here," Eleonora suggested. She handed Maggie a bowl, while Maggie grabbed a knife and what would be the first of many peaches.

While Maggie and Momma McCoy were busy in the kitchen, Leonard was upstairs unpacking their bags. Once he was finished, he quietly came down the back stairs that led directly to the kitchen. His curiosity was piqued when he heard Maggie and his mother mention his name. By this time, Donna had joined them, so he paused on the stairs to listen in on their conversation.

"You sure seem to know your way around a kitchen, Maggie," Eleanora remarked. "I appreciate the help."

"My pleasure, Momma," Maggie replied with a smile. Leonard grinned when he heard that. To him, it meant that Maggie was feeling more comfortable around his mother.

After a bit, Eleonora wandered over to the sink to check Maggie's progress in dicing the peaches. "Once you finish that one, I think we have enough for the cobbler," she declared.

"I can't wait to taste the 'fruits of our labor'," Maggie quipped, throwing everyone into a fit of laughter, including Leonard himself, though silently.

Eleonora then laid a hand on Maggie's arm, causing Maggie to turn and lock eyes with Momma McCoy. "You know, after Leonard's divorce from Jocelyn, he threw himself into his medical studies. After that, he just concentrated on his work on the Enterprise. I'd get messages from him where he seemed happy enough, but I wasn't convinced that it was 100%. Even though he had Jim to help him through it all, I was really worried about him." Oh, Ma, Leonard thought.

"From what he's told me, the divorce was rough on him, especially since Joanna was involved. For anyone who loves Leonard, I'm sure that it couldn't have been easy to see him go through that," Maggie murmured. How right you are, my sweet darlin', Leonard silently commented.

"But now? Since he has you in his life, I see so many changes for the better. He's relaxed, he's content and he's in love, probably for the last time in his life," Eleonora remarked. "I want to thank you for seeing past his outer armor and helping to mend his heart," she added.

"That goes double for me. Len and I may not always agree on everything, as is usually the case with brothers and sisters. But I sure am grateful that he found you, Maggie," Donna chimed in.

"I appreciate the thanks, but the truth is, we've helped each other. I had an ex named Ryan that broke my heart by cheating on me with his high school sweetheart. But then I met your extraordinary son and brother, and he showed me what real love is. So please allow me to thank YOU for raising such a kind and honorable man," Maggie concluded.

As if on cue, Momma McCoy and Donna both swooped in and captured Maggie in a group hug. Gentle tears of happiness were shed between the three women as they embraced each other. Leonard recognized this as his opportunity to come out of hiding on the stairs. "I leave Maggie alone with y'all for five minutes, and look what happens. Y'all broke her again," he smirked.

The ladies giggled and stepped apart. Leonard got a playful punch to his arm from Donna and was pulled into a one-arm side hug with Eleonora. As they returned to their previous activities, Leonard took hold of Maggie's hand, then brought her into his embrace. They closed their eyes, rocking gently back and forth, lost in the feeling of being in each other's arms.

Maggie lifted her head from where it was resting on Leonard's chest. She reached up with her right hand and cupped his face, her thumb brushing gentle strokes on his cheek. "I love you, Leonard," she whispered, her lips curved into a shy smile.

"I love you too, darlin'. So very much," he whispered back. Leonard dipped his head and captured Maggie's lips in a soft, tender kiss.

"Oh, all right now, there's enough sugar in this peach cobbler without y'all dripping honey all over everywhere," Eleonora teased. She made a shooing motion with her hands as she guided them towards the door. "Go on, Leonard, show her around the place. But don't go too far, dinner's ready in about a half hour," she warned.

"Don't mind if I do, Ma," he answered. "Shall we go for a stroll, sweetheart?" he asked, holding out his hand for her to take.

Maggie captured his hand with hers, interlacing their fingers. "Lead the way, my love," she replied.

They left the kitchen through the door that led out to the porch. As they walked, Leonard began telling Maggie about his favorite memories of growing up on the family farm. After they were a fair distance from the house, Eleonora and Donna stepped out onto the porch to observe the lovebirds.

"She's cute, I like her," Donna remarked.

Eleonora nodded. "They're good for each other, and they make each other happy," she responded.

Donna placed a hand on her mother's arm. "I'm going to go in and check the cobbler," she said.

"Thank you, hun," she replied as she watched her daughter walk back into the house. "Oh, Leonard. She's a keeper. Hold fast to this one, my son," she whispered to herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner was a lively affair, with each of the McCoy women sharing quite a few childhood stories about Leonard. He was a fairly good sport about it, until at one point, Eleonora threatened to show Maggie his baby pictures. His protests were enough that she ultimately decided to wait, saying she'd save that for the next time they visit.

After dinner dishes were done, everyone retreated to the front porch for some relaxation. Maggie and Leonard were snuggled up together on the swing, lazily rocking back and forth. Off in the distance, the fireflies were out, like little glowing yellow embers floating in the air.

Maggie was wearing a worn-out Starfleet Medical sweatshirt that she'd once 'borrowed' from Leonard and 'forgotten' to return. He pretended to frown, saying he'd been looking for the shirt for some time, only to find that his girlfriend stole it. Then he softly whispered that while he loves seeing Maggie in his clothes, he much prefers her out of hers. A blush crept into Maggie's cheeks at his remarks, which caused Leonard to chuckle and press his lips to her temple.

"Well, lovebirds, don't stay up too late. Oh, by the way, there's a festival going on for the next few days at the fairgrounds just outside of town. If you're looking for something to do," Eleonora mentioned before going into the house.

"Been a while since I've been to one of those," Leonard remarked. "What do you say, darlin', should we check it out tomorrow night?" he asked.

"You're the expert on the local attractions, my love," Maggie replied. "However, I think it sounds like a wonderful idea."

"If it's the one I'm remembering, it should have music and dancing. Would love to get you out on the dance floor, sweetheart," Leonard murmured in Maggie's ear.

"Mmm, slow dancing with you is something I would definitely be in favor of doing," Maggie said softly. "I think I might have even packed a dancin' dress," she added.

"Did you now? Well, that settles it, we have to go. I'll pick you up at 8:00pm. I'll be the one in the white hat," he grinned.

"It's a date, Cowboy," Maggie giggled.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day, Eleonora had made a list of things that she needed from in town. Some from the Farmer's Market, a stop at the hardware store and a couple of things from the pharmacy. Leonard volunteered for him and Maggie to run her errands, which also gave them time alone together.

First stop was at the hardware store, where everyone seemed to know Leonard. They all said how proud they were that he was CMO of the fleet's flagship. He thanked them all, and took the opportunity to introduce Maggie as well.

Next, it was more of the same at the pharmacy, with all the warm greetings and well-wishes. When he introduced Maggie as his girlfriend, one woman in particular, Janice Rollins, didn't seem happy to hear the news. She fawned all over Leonard, completely ignoring Maggie and the fact that she had been introduced as his current girlfriend. It was all Leonard could do to extract himself and get done what he went there to do.

After their business in the pharmacy was concluded and they were outside, Leonard explained that Janice was a former girlfriend. He assured Maggie that she had nothing to worry about. "My heart belongs to you and you alone," he remarked as they walked to the Farmer's Market.

"Leonard, I know that, I trust you. My heart belongs to you and only you," Maggie countered. "So, what does your ma have on her list from here?" she asked.

"Tomatoes, Brussels sprouts and potatoes, for starters," Leonard answered. "I'd like to get some corn on the cob, if they have it," he said.

Maggie took the map from his hands to study it, so Leonard wrapped his arms around her from behind. He looked over her shoulder, plotting the best pathway to get what they needed in the shortest amount of time.

Thirty minutes later, they had purchased everything on Momma McCoy's list, plus some additional items. Leonard bought Maggie a bouquet of fresh flowers. She in turn found a vendor with some rare vinyl of Leonard's favorite music artist. For dinner, they bought some thick, juicy hamburgers to grill from the meat locker on site. With their mission accomplished, the couple climbed into the truck and drove back.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Back at the house, Maggie helped Eleonora once again with dinner preparations. Leonard was in charge of grilling the burgers, while Maggie made potato salad from her mom's recipe. Eleonora also made some Bourbon Baked Beans and there was also leftover peach cobbler.

After dinner, it was time to get ready for the dance at the festival. Leonard showered first, then shaved his slightly scruffy face. He was wearing his dark wash jeans, his boots and a burgundy-colored button down shirt with a bolo tie. As he promised Maggie, he put on his white cowboy hat and waited at the bottom of the stairs.

Then it was Maggie's turn to get ready. After her shower, she towel-dried her hair and left it to cascade down her back in soft waves. She pinned it up on the sides with crystal-encrusted barrettes. Her makeup and jewelry were kept simple, with hoop earrings and the bare minimum on the cosmetics.

Her dress was black with cream-colored flowers sprinkled throughout the fabric. It was nearly strapless, with only thin spaghetti straps to hold it in place on her shoulders. The dress had a high-low hem, with the shorter hem in front that hit just above her knees. A pair of black suede ankle boots completed her outfit.

Just before heading down to meet Leonard, Maggie paused at the top of the stairs. She took a deep breath, then slowly descended. She could see Leonard with his back to the railing, so he hadn't seen her yet. She cleared her throat before speaking. "Right on time, cowboy," she remarked with a soft smile.

Leonard turned to watch his girlfriend make her way down the stairs. As soon as he saw her, his mouth ran dry and all coherent thought temporarily flew out the window. To him, she looked more beautiful than ever, if that were even possible. Her dress flowed elegantly with her as she walked and the hemline gave him just a quick, teasing peek at her shapely legs.

He removed his hat and held out his hand to guide her the rest of the way down the staircase. Still holding her hand as she reached the bottom of the stairs, Leonard brushed his lips across her knuckles. "Well, bless my soul, darlin', you look absolutely gorgeous this evening. Since I have the pleasure of your company, that makes me the luckiest cowboy 'round these here parts," he drawled.

Maggie ducked her head shyly to hide the color spreading across her cheeks. She stepped back a little to give him a quick curtsy. "You may not be the only lucky one. For me, I'd say you're also the handsomest cowboy I've seen in my life," she replied.

She placed her free hand on Leonard's chest and took a step forward so there was very little space between them. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Leonard, however, had other ideas, leaning towards Maggie to deepen the kiss. His decision was rewarded when he heard the tiny moan of pleasure escape from her mouth, and he smiled against her lips.

"We could just stay here, you know. Continue with what we're doing now, let the night take us wherever it leads," Leonard suggested as he started to gently sway back and forth.

"Mmm, as tempting as that sounds, you promised to take me dancing, Len," Maggie pouted.

"Ah, so I did, sweetheart. Your carriage awaits, my love," he gestured towards the door with the hand still holding his hat. "Ma, we're headed out to the festival. It'll be late when we get home, so we'll see you in the morning," he called over his shoulder.

Eleonora bustled out to the living room to see the happy couple before they left for an evening of dancing. "You both look amazing! Have fun tonight. And Leonard? Stay out of trouble, hmm?" she teased.

"I make no promises, Ma, but if anyone can keep me in line, it's Maggie," he grinned and gave his mother a wink. "Goodnight, Ma," he said as he dropped a peck on her cheek before heading out the door.

"Goodnight, my son. At long last, you've found your happiness," she murmured to herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At the dance, the music was lively, with a variety of genres represented. It was mostly the vintage country music playing, which was best for the two-step, the waltz and line dancing. Maggie and Leonard danced to a few of the more upbeat songs, but got out on the floor for every slow song.

After one of the waltzes, they decided to take a break and get something to drink. Leonard found them an empty table and pulled out Maggie's chair for her to sit down and rest. He took the seat next to her, then leaned over to press a lingering kiss to her lips. He asked her for her drink order, then headed for the bar.

On his way to the bar, Leonard thought about how perfect the past couple of days have been. He'd introduced Maggie to his mom and sister, who loved her right away without question. Earlier in the day, he took her out and showed her the town where he grew up. Tonight, he had the company of the prettiest woman at the dance. Lucky cowboy indeed, he thought to himself.

At the bar, he gave out their drink order. As he waited, he noticed another man sitting on a barstool, nursing a whiskey. The men locked eyes, nodded at each other in acknowledgment, then returned to their previous activities. Every once in a while, Leonard would see him cast longing glances in Maggie's direction, which brought his guard up.

He was wondering how to bring it up without having to break the man's face, when he felt a tapping on his arm to get his attention. "Hey, buddy, do you see that woman over there? The one in the black dress?" the man asked, pointing towards Maggie.

Leonard gritted his teeth and answered that yes, he saw the woman in question. "She's a pretty hot one, no doubt," the man remarked. "She looks a lot like my....my....hey, that's my ex-girlfriend, Maggie Parker. And she's sitting there all by her lonesome," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "I should go over there and say hello," the man grinned as he placed his empty glass on the bar's countertop. He got down from his barstool and started walking towards Maggie, but Leonard stopped his progress.

The man glanced down at Leonard's hand on his upper arm. "Uh, say listen, Pal, you wanna take your hand off my arm? I'm not gonna cause trouble, I just wanna let her know that Ryan says 'hello'," Ryan glared.

"I think you'd better leave the pretty lady alone, Ryan. She's told me about you, and besides, she's way out of your league," Leonard retorted.

Ryan gave Leonard the once-over, as if trying to size up his competition. "What, do you think she's more likely to be in your league, old man?" Ryan snorted.

"For your information, Maggie's in a class by herself. But what you don't know is that she chose me, so I'm tellin' ya, it's in your best interest to back off," Leonard threatened.

With a huff, Ryan resumed his perch on the barstool, muttering under his breath. By this time, the bartender had finished making the drinks that Leonard had ordered. He picked them up, one in each hand, and headed back to the table.

Once there, he set the drinks down on the table. Leonard took both of Maggie's hands in his and pulled her up from her chair so she was standing in front of him. He moved his hands up so they were cradling Maggie's face, then he leaned in and crashed his lips to hers. She responded by sliding her hands up his chest and locking her fingers behind his head.

When the kiss was finally broken, Maggie was left nearly breathless. She smiled as she brushed her fingertips across Leonard's forehead and into his hair. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" she asked.

"To thank you. For choosing me. You could have any man in the universe, yet you chose me," he answered softly.

"Leonard McCoy, you don't have to thank me. I will always choose you. Every day of the week, and twice on Sundays. I love you," she replied.

"And I love you, Maggie. You wanna get out of here?" he asked, holding out his hand.

She nodded, taking his hand in hers. Then she heard the opening bars of "Crazy" by Patsy Cline, a song which had always been among her mother's favorites. Maggie tugged on his hand to catch his attention. "Dance with me? Please?" she asked.

"Always and forever, darlin'," he responded as he led her to the dance floor. He put his hands on Maggie's hips and she put hers around his neck. Maggie rested her head on Leonard's shoulder and closed her eyes as they swayed in time with the music.

As the last notes of the song faded away, Maggie looked up into the face of the man she loved. "Shall we head back now?" she asked. Leonard nodded and kept hold of Maggie's hand, interweaving their fingers. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, causing her to giggle and blush.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of shore leave seemed to pass by in a blur for Leonard and Maggie. They went on picnics by the lake, some horseback riding, and more trips into town on errands for Eleonora. There were even a couple of occasions where Eleonora spent time at Donna's house. She didn't mind, saying that Leonard and Maggie should have some time to themselves at the house.

Then there were the nights spent laying on a blanket in the bed of the pickup truck, gazing up at the stars. Which may sound silly, considering that's where they spent most of their time. But, as Maggie pointed out to Leonard, the stars look different from Earth than they do in space. All he knew and could focus on was how beautiful Maggie looked by the light of the moon.

One night, they were sitting in the front porch swing, Leonard wedged into the corner and Maggie sitting between his legs. Her back was leaning against his chest, with her head rested on his shoulder. The lazy swaying of the swing would usually be enough to put her to sleep, but she was wide awake tonight.

Leonard had his left arm curled around Maggie under her chin, with his right arm draped across her midsection. Her arms matched his in position, and her hands were atop his with fingers interlaced together. Every once in a while, they would give each other a gentle squeeze, in part for affection and also for reassurance.

"Len? In case I didn't tell you, I've had such a wonderful time these past two weeks. Thank you for inviting me to come with you for shore leave," Maggie remarked.

"Oh, darlin', it's been a real treat for me too. Before I asked you, I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with being without you for two whole weeks. Thank goodness I didn't have to go through that," he chuckled, then placed a kiss to Maggie's temple.

"And your mother and sister are amazing, I already love them. I only had brothers growing up, and being around your ma helps me to miss my mom a little less. They were a good influence on you. Except where did you get your grumpiness from?" she teased.

Leonard shifted in the swing so he could look Maggie in the eyes. "It's sass, isn't it? You're sassin' me right now, aren't ya, little lady. Well, I'll fix you," he grinned mischievously just before he started tickling Maggie on her sides and under her arms. That sent her into a fit of giggles and nearly gasping for air.

"Can't....breathe!" she managed to get out.

"Say I'm not grumpy, and I'll quit," he promised but was still randomly hitting her ticklish spots.

"Okay, okay," she wheezed. "You're not grumpy. You're adorable," she replied before capturing his lips with her own. Their mouths moved together in tandem, pressing and pulling in a delicate dance. "I love you, Len," Maggie whispered when they'd finally pulled apart.

"I love you too, Sugar," Leonard whispered back.

"I want you to know something else, and I'm just going to come out and say it. Leonard, you're 'it' for me. When I see my future, you're the only one I see it with. I realize that we've both been burned before, and….and I'm not asking you for more than you're ready to give. Just know that I'm here for you and that I love you with all my heart," Maggie declared.

Leonard was silent for what felt like an agonizingly long time to Maggie, before he spoke again. "You know, after what happened with Jocelyn, I'd pretty much sworn off of women. I was afraid of making the same mistakes again if I got into a relationship. And I didn't want to put anyone else through that, let alone myself."

"Oh, Len," Maggie whispered, but then Leonard put a finger to her lips. "Hey there, shh. It's my turn now, Love," he playfully scolded. Maggie nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Then I met you, my little spitfire, and all of that changed. I'm not afraid to fall in love anymore, because I already have. Maggie, you're 'it' for me, too. I know that my future isn't complete without anyone but you in it as my leading lady. If you can be patient with me on the 'more' part, I know we'll get there eventually. I love you with all my heart, Maggie," he concluded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

All too soon, shore leave came to an end. With heavy hearts, Leonard and Maggie packed their belongings and put their bags in the trunk of Donna's vehicle. Her car was big enough so that Eleonora could accompany them to the station. She wanted to be there to see her son and his girlfriend off before they had to catch the shuttle back to the Enterprise.

At the station, everyone hesitated for a little bit before finally climbing out of the car. Leonard retrieved their bags from the trunk and set them on the curb. He turned to his mother with his arms wide open. "Bye, Momma. It was great seeing you, and I wish we could’ve stayed longer. Thank you for having us," he murmured, holding her tightly in his embrace.

Eleonora rubbed her hands in circles on his back. "You know you're welcome at home anytime, Leonard. Just don't make it so long between visits, bring your lovely girlfriend with you, and everything will be fine," she remarked.

"I'll try and visit more often, and I'll definitely bring Maggie with me. Love you, Ma," he whispered, then gave Eleonora one last squeeze. Before he let her go, she whispered in his ear about the surprise she had tucked into his bag.

Maggie had finished saying her goodbyes to Donna, then moved to hug Eleonora. "I had a wonderful time, and I loved meeting and spending time with you all. Thank you so much for having us, and I hope we can visit again soon," she said, giving Eleonora a fond embrace.

"You take care of yourself, sweet girl, and keep watch after my Leonard. He's my son, but Lord knows that man needs someone to keep him in line," she chuckled, as did Maggie. "You come visit anytime, we'd love to have you. By the way, I slipped something into your bag. Just a small gift, from me to you. A little reminder of your trip here," Eleonora mentioned.

A soft look crossed Maggie's face as tears prickled behind her eyes. "Thank you, Momma. You know, I think you and my mom would've been good friends," she remarked as she moved in to hug Eleonora once more.

Overhead, they heard the announcement for Leonard and Maggie's shuttle flight back to the Enterprise. One last round of hugs for everyone, then the couple picked up their bags and headed for the platform.

Eleonora and Donna watched as Leonard and Maggie walked away, each with an arm slung around the other's waist. Donna moved to stand beside her mother, and sighed deeply in contentment. "They're so good together. I'm glad they found each other," Donna stated.

"Yes, I am too. Wouldn't be surprised, though, if we were to hear some news from them in the near future," Eleonora replied with a mischievous grin.

Donna looked at her mother with narrowed eyes. "You know something, don't you? What is it? Tell me!" she demanded, but Eleonora refused, just kept the grin on her face. "Fine. Don't tell me," she grumbled as they climbed back into the car and headed home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Back in their respective quarters, Leonard and Maggie set about the task of unpacking. As Maggie separated her clean clothes from ones to be laundered, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. She picked it up and started reading it, her hand flying to cover her mouth. She almost didn't hear the door chime, signaling a visitor. On the second chime, she murmured 'come in' and the doors slid open to reveal her boyfriend on the other side.

"Hey, darlin', whatcha got there?" Leonard asked before wrapping his arms around Maggie from behind. He peered over her shoulder to see that she was reading a recipe in his ma's handwriting for her Chicken and Dumplings. "Whoa. Where did you get this?" he whispered.

"Your ma said she slipped something in my bag, as a reminder of our trip there. I don't understand, Len," Maggie replied, a confused look on her face.

Leonard took the piece of paper and held it up to Maggie. "This....has never left my ma's kitchen, not to my knowledge...." he trailed off. He placed the paper on Maggie's desk, then taking both of her hands in each of his.

"I still don't understand, Len," Maggie stated.

"Giving you this recipe means she loves you, sweetheart. And she knows you love me, but more than that, she trusts you. I know you were worried about meeting her, if she was going to like you. Darlin', after meeting you just this once, she already considers you part of the family," he finished with a smile. Someday, I hope that we can make that a little more permanent, he said to himself, as he thought of what his ma put in his bag.

Maggie tucked the paper into a drawer with her other valuable paperwork, then wound her arms around Leonard. Her hands clasped behind his head, she gently tugged downward until her lips met his. Just before things could get too heated, she pulled back to gaze into his perfect hazel eyes. "Shall we head to the mess hall, see who's back and do some catching up?" she asked.

Leonard pressed a lingering kiss to Maggie's forehead. "Sounds good to me, Love," he replied. With their arms curled around each other, they walked down to the mess area to catch up with their friends.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tags: @marvelouslytrekking @spacedancer1701 @anna-phora

#leonard mccoy x reader #leonard bones mccoy x reader #bones x reader #bones mccoy x reader #star trek aos

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d-targaryenshoe · 4 years ago

Text

Past - Andrew Deluca

Summary: Andrew coming face to face with the person who'd almost became his wife.

Warnings: miscarriage, anger

Word count: 1477

Standing in the grey elevator, electricity sounded through your ears as you shared the space with three other visitors.

But you weren't here to visit your grandma after surgery? Or a family member? No you were here to visit the person that would've been your husband by now.

Coming to a halt the doors opened and revealed a man with eyes covered by a glasses and a beard covering his cheeks.

"Hello." The guy smiled, pushing his glasses a little further up his nose.

"Hi." You smiled back, holding the strap of your brown colored bag.

You recognized this male from somewhere. But you weren't going to remind him of it. Not just yet.

"I'm Levi, nice to meet you." He introduced himself, as he held his hand out towards you.

"Y/n, nice to meet you too." You nodded, releasing the strap of your bag and shaking his hand, being the friendly person you were.

"Here to visit?" Your eyes settled on the boy.

"I guess you can call it like that?" You slightly laughed, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pounding out of your chest.

"O-kay? You're nervous. Me too. Like a lot. So nervous that my glasses fell into a human body." Levi chuckled, as his cheeks reddened.

"Oh I'm so sorry?" You apologized with a chuckle, receiving a dismissing wave of Levi's hand.

"It's all good, but thanks." The doors opened of the elevator and your chuckle disappeared within a few seconds.

"Have a nice day y/n." Levi waved as he walked of with a chart covering his hands.

"Bye." You gave him one last nod, before you grabbed your cellphone out of your bag and tried to call your only hope.

"Hi, you've reached Carina. I'm so sorry I can't pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA."

You sighed loudly throwing your cellphone back in your bag before a ginger haired female walked up to you.

"Ma'am are you alright?" She looked worried and at the same time she took in your frustration.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine don't worry." You fake smiled before turning around and taking in your surroundings.

"Well fine then?" She frowned starting to walk away.

"Wait! Do you know where i can find Carina Deluca?" Your voice spoke softly, knowing this female was only trying to help.

"Well if you're looking for her, she's right over there." You looked over to where the female was pointing.

A female covered in pink scrubs and yelling through a phone when slamming her hand on the desk? Yeah you were looking for her.

"No! Are you deaf did i say 'yes'? Huh?! I said no!" She yelled through the phone as you walked up to the information desk. "𝓐re you moronic?"

"Well that's mean?" You mumbled, placing both of your hands on top of the desk as she dropped the phone.

"Y/n!?" A loud gasp was heard as the female looked you up and down when walking around the desk to draw you in a hug.

"You've got to be kidding me?!" Carina cursed, tilting her head to one side, placing her hand on your shoulder.

"I wish i was but I'm not this time." You promised with a shake of your head.

"Well you better not be, follow me come on." She grabbed your hand walking towards an office which walls were made of glass.

"Hunt, don't let anyone near me, I'm having family in my office?" Carina glared at the ginger haired man as she received a nod in response.

"Sassy as ever, how I've missed that." Staring out of the glass view on your right, you watched doctors arguing, laughing and walking.

"The fact that you're here as the new head of Cardio means that you miss more than just me." Your ex sister in law gave you a much meaningful look, placing a dark blue scrubs on the desk.

"Please don–"

"No, don't run from the truth y/n?" Carina frowned, placing your badge in your hand just as a female voice sounded through the room.

"Doctor Deluca your nee– I'm sorry I'll come back later." A brown haired woman stuttered ready to close the see-through door.

"No Wilson, you already bothered me, what's wrong?" The Italian female sighed throwing her hair into a ponytail.

"You're needed for the premature with heart surgery at 2 o'clock." Carina sighed, getting up. "Don't leave to Italy until I'm back okay?"

A snort left your body when your eyes were settled on the young brown haired female. The light blue scrubs and the nervous state you could tell she was an intern.

" I'm Jo Wilson and i-I'm just standing here just because?" The girl gave an awkward smile.

You got up from your chair and removed your watch from your wrist. " Y/n y/l/n, head of Cardio."

"Nice to meet you, could you help me out with a patient?" Jo blurted out, walking up to you and placing a cup of coffee in your hand what made you frown.

"Is this your way of convincing me, Doctor Wilson?" You raised an eyebrow but still decided to take a sip of the hot coffee.

"Is it working?" The brown haired female asked as her eyes were settled on her chart before handing it over to you.

"It did, what's the case?" You took another sip of your coffee before putting your hair up in a messy bun.

"A 13 year old who's stubborn and won't let me do a check up." The girl informed you when shrugging her shoulders.

"Well, let's get going then." You motioned for her to walk through the door and show you the way towards the patient.

"You are Andrew's fiancé aren't you?" Jo piped up when giving you a questioning glance.

"Ex fiancé." The answer glided over your lips as you held the medical chart close to your chest with a slightly heavy grip.

"Oh, okay? Here to the left." She mentioned as the both of you made a turn to the left while you were walking.

Coming to a halt you were met by a man and a woman in their 40's and a boy with crossed arms and a glare covering his face laying on a examination gurney.

"Seriously you brought another doctor in here, you think she'll heal me? The boy mumbled, throwing his parents a glare.

"Honey, just stay calm and let her do her job please." His mother placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to camm him down.

"Let me do my job, the sooner you'll be out here." Taking a hood of your stethoscope the cold metal was placed on the boy's chest. "Can you move your shirt up a little, i want to see if you have any pain."

As your hands were placed in the middle of his stomach you noticed him slightly pulling away in pain.

"She applied pressure on your pancreas and that hurts, so my question is, have you had any other complaints?" Jo piped up as your head was pointed in her direction.

"I've been drinking more, I've been having a blurred vision out of no where?" The teenager explained, knowing that if he wouldn't say it he would be here in the next week again.

"Wilson, i want you to do a FBS test, as soon as you have results, I'm the one you page." Leaving the room you saw papers laying on the floor before grabbing them in your hands and searching for the person they belonged to.

"Those were my-" his sentence was ended by noticing you standing in front in him. "You?"

" i guess I failed the job of avoiding you." You mumbled when you rubbed your forehead in annoyance.

"I guess that i failed the job of not seeing you ever again." He mumbled between his lips when he stared at the end of the hallway, avoiding your eyes.

"After or before we called off our engagement?" Tilting your head to the side you crossed your arms. " Or after i lost our baby?"

"Don't. Talk about that, ever again." He glared when pointing a finger at you as anger and sadness filled his eyes.

"You seriously dare to think all that didn't affect me?" Your voice slightly raised as you saw a nurse giving you a bewildered look.

"That baby and that ring on your finger meant everything to me Y/n." His voice slightly cracked when turning around.

"So you're just gonna walk away?"

"You walked away from me 2 years ago Y/N, i lost a wife and a child, I don't deserve any of that pain." And that were the words that left his lips before walking away.

He was over you.

But not over your lost baby

He'll never be.

#greys anatomy x reader #greys #greys anatomy imagines #greys anatomy imagine #andrew deluca imagines #andrew deluca

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jjmaybanksblog · 5 years ago

Text

Good Old Days - JJ Maybank

Gif credit @toesure !

Summary: you and JJ meet once again after a harsh break up.

Word count: 1,982

Warnings: cheating, angst underage drinking, implied sex at the end. I do NOT condone the action of going back to someone who cheated.

You sat alone in a booth at a local restaurant, diagonal from where your friend Nicole sat with an unfamiliar boy. You had offered to 'be a look out' for the girl when she brought up how her friends had helped her get a blind date. Nicole had the fear that she might embarrass herself or something might go south, so you decided to lend a helping hand to calm her down.

You subtly flicked your eyes up and down from the menu to your friend as a waitress came up to you. "What can I get you hun?"

"Just a vanilla milkshake and fries please." The lady nodded and took the menu from your hands. You reached inside of your bag and pulled out your notebook. Finding a pen, you began to mindlessly draw little doodles of whatever came to mind.

You were actually enjoying the peace and quiet until the front door bell chimed. Before you could react, JJ Maybank took the spot right across from you. "Can I help you?" You scoffed, closing the notebook.

"Nope. I'm helping my friend out and it looks like you happen to be doing the same thing for your friend too." JJ said, looking behind his shoulder to see his friend give him a thumbs up. You rolled her eyes, defensively crossing your arms.

"Okay, well how about you move to the other booth where you can 'help' by yourself." JJ dramatically put his hand to his heart, "does Y/F/N Y/L/N not want to spend time with me?" "The last time I was near you it didn't end well." You hissed. JJ immediately got quiet as the waitress came up to deliver your order.

"Oh! Would you like anything dear? On the house for the couple!" The waitress smiled, "oh no we're not-" "actually I would love a hamburger and a chocolate milkshake please!" JJ grinned. "Coming right up."

"Seriously JJ why can't you just sit somewhere else?" You asked as you dipped a fry into the milkshake. JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you take a bite. "What? It's good." You defended.

"See I could, but Steve made me promise to help him out. And now I get to talk to you which is exactly what I want to be doing on my Friday night." Sarcasm dropped from his voice as you bite your tongue.

"Well you can leave. You never were good at keeping promises anyway." You seethed, taking the cherry out of the milkshake and popping into your mouth. JJ became quiet once more as the sudden flashback hit him.

Flashback:

2 years. 2 years was all it took for something so positive and bright, to turn into something dead. 2 years was all it took for JJ Maybank to own, and then break your heart.

You two had been dating for a full two years, both of you guys admitting you were in love. Making promises that you two couldn't keep. One of them being, 'I'll always love you.'

JJ broke that the minute his lips touched some tourons at an end of the year school party. You had lost sight of your boyfriend in the middle of the party after telling him you were going to the bathroom. It took you 10 minutes to find him with the unknown girl.

"Have you seen- oh." Your words slipped your mind as you saw a boy and girl break away from a kiss. Only to reveal that face that made your heart break. "I better... I better g-go." You stumbled over your words, your legs moving as fast as they could out of that house and far away from JJ.

You didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act, what to say, everything just became numb. Like someone had just ripped your heart from your chest, and dangled it in front of your face as if it were mocking you. So you just ran, and ran all the way to your house. Dried tears stained your face as you were panting, on the verge of passing out.

Your mind felt fuzzy, as if it were an old TV and an antenna was knocked loose, like all you heard was static and a ringing. You shook your head frantically as you paced in the living room. A rapid knock echoed in the silent room as you let out a sob. You slowly walked to the door, your hand shaking as it hesitantly reached out.

You twisted the handle and pulled the door open to reveal a frantic JJ. "Y/N please let me-" "Don't even fucking start JJ." You said, cautiously backing away from the door. JJ walked into the house as he tried to grab hold of your wrists.

You pulled your wrists back from JJ's grip as you began to have trouble breathing. "You fucking kissed some random girl. Who knows what the fuck would've happened if I didn't walk into that room." You mumbled to yourself as your head began to ache.

"Y/N you know I wouldn't do that!" "When you're in a relationship you don't fucking kiss somebody else! I didn't think you'd do that yet here we are!" You raised your voice as you paced again.

"Open your fucking eyes, it's so obvious I'm in love with you!" JJ yelled back, causing you to flinch, his breath smelled of alcohol. Your eyes suddenly fell to the ground, afraid to look at him without breaking down.

"You need to leave," your voice wavered, "you need to leave and not come back. You can't look at me. You can't speak my name. You can't have anything to do with me, Maybank. We're fucking done." You breathed out, feeling as though you had a boulder crushing your body.

"Y/N. I made you a promise that I'd love you, please let me keep going with that promise." JJ begged, his eyes burning harshly with tears. "You broke your promise, you can't come back from that."

JJ let out a sigh as his head slumped down, forcing his legs to walk out the front door, and out of your life.

Memory over.

"Look, this isn't a guilt trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you." JJ said, fidgeting with his fingers. You sighed as you swirled the straw around the milkshake. "I don't dislike you as a human, I fucking despise what you did to me." You admitted.

"I've changed Y/N. I haven't been with any other girl, I haven't spoken with that other girl since then. Please just give me a break. I've been busy trying so fucking hard. I'm doing the best I can. Please, please don't ask more of me." JJ frowned, his leg now anxiously tapping.

You let out a scoff, but you couldn't lie to yourself. You missed being with JJ, you missed him so damn much, but you didn't want to admit it. Your eyes flickered to your friend who was standing up and giving Steve a kiss on the cheek.

Their date was over, but you and JJ sat firmly in the booth. "Let me just drive you home like the good days, just hear me out." JJ begged. You cracked your knuckles, a habit you gained after the break up. "Fine. But so help me Maybank if you fuck it up you will never, I repeat ever come speak to me again." JJ let out a breath of relief and thanked you.

You couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of luck when he offered, glad that you chose to walk to the diner. You two sat in silence for a bit of the ride before JJ turned on the radio. 'Wonderwall' by Oasis played through the sound system, memories of this song hitting you in the face like a brick.

JJ began to obnoxiously shout the lyrics like he would when you guys went on drives together. He would roll the windows down, blast the volume and just let it all out. At first you were annoyed with the boy, but as soon as he nudged you with his elbow you began shouting the lyrics as well. At that moment, things felt normal. Like nothing bad happened between them, and that scared you shitless.

When the song ended, JJ turned down the volume and began to speak, "you know, I never took your school photo out of my wallet. It's still there. And every night after... we broke up, I would just look at it and cry. Because I drank and I ended up losing the best thing I ever got in life. And believe me I know drinking is no excuse for what I did. I lost the one person that understood me more than my other friends, than myself. And I fucked it all up. And I know I can't take back what I did. Saying sorry won't change the hurt I made you feel. But I want you to know I'm truly trying my best to be a different person than who I was before." His voice was shaking as he found it hard to look at the road.

"I can try to forgive you Maybank, but that night has been burned into my memory. And it's gonna take a lot of time before I can forget it." You mumbled, looking out the window watching the trees zoom by.

"I'd wait 100 years if it meant that you would talk to me again." JJ muttered as he pulled into your driveway. "Do you.. want to come in? And like, catch up?" You wanted to punch yourself in the face for your offer, but again you couldn't deny how much you missed him.

JJ was shocked at your words, his mouth slightly open as he nodded his head. You walked into your house and to your luck, nobody was home.

You guys sat in your room, silence filling the air once again. You walked over to a picture frame on the desk and picked it up. The picture was of JJ after he had fallen asleep with his head in your llap. "Remember this night?" You asked as he looked over your shoulder.

"Yeah. I came over to make cupcakes for John B's birthday but we ended up just throwing flour and eggs at each other." JJ laughed loudly, remembering how he would find flour in his hair and ears for days after. "Then we sat on the couch and you laid your head in my lap. I played with your hair until you fell asleep and you snored so loud." You smiled at the memory.

"God I fucked up." He whispered. "Yeah. Yeah you did. When you sat across from me in the booth I wanted to flip my shit. I wanted to go off on you and say something like, 'oh fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off.' I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." You confessed.

"Damn Y/N. I- I don't even know what to say." JJ said as you faced him. You couldn't help but stare at his lips, the lips you craved so desperately. You hated yourself for this. You hated yourself for making this move, but you leaned in anyway and kissed him. You were taken back at your actions, but your knees nearly buckled at his touch.

JJ gently held the side of your face as he pulled back. "I don't want to hurt you." He said, his words echoing in your head. "I'm desperate. And I'm pretty sure you are too. This is a one time thing until you gain my trust back. But for now, just shut up and have sex with me."

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