#Dating and relationships

[bootleg-nessie]

Was having an argument with my girlfriend and she turned on read receipts just to leave me on read

[liskantope]

A quote from Kat Rosenfield on the latest Feminine Chaos episode (for subscribers only):

The thing that's always struck me about that, sort of, paradigm of, you know, "fix yourself first, get yourself exactly right first, and then look for a partner" is it... you're creating like a rigid structure, um, that is gonna be that much harder to fit another person into. Like, if you're already crystallizing all of these things about who you are and what you want and, like, there will be fewer and fewer things that you're willing to compromise on because you're like, "No, this is my identity to be like this and to do this." But, you know, if you're getting married and you're incorporating an entire other human being into your life, you're gonna need to be able to bend in a lot of places that you won't necessarily be inclined to if you have waited until you're, like, thirty or thirty-five to... to try to find a person to share your life with.

That just... absolutely hits me in the gut, because it's precisely where, deep down, I feel a despairing conviction that I've gone wrong. The older I get, the more rigid I am, and the more set in stone and generally tied down my hypothetical partners are. (And I'm even beyond "thirty or thirty-five" by now.) This isn't the whole problem with me, but it feels like a huge part of the problem. I have a strong feeling that I screwed up, and that Rosenfield pressed her finger right onto exactly how I screwed up.

[femmefatalevibe]

How do you get over someone you haven’t dated?

I’ve found the most productive way to get over someone you’ve never dated is to turn the experience into a self-discovery exercise. Take out a pen and paper or open up a fresh Word document on your computer to journal about the following:

What qualities initially drew you to this person? What about your interactions or observations in their presence made them alluring? 

How do this person’s character, mannerisms, and actions align with the traits you’re looking for in a partner/relationship? Did you uncover new attributes that you never knew you were looking for before when interacting with this person? Write these down and add them to your dating criteria. Refine and elevate your standards. 

Reflect on why you didn’t end up dating – was it a logistical inconvenience, incompatibility in your lifestyle, perspectives, interests, or personalities? Understanding why it didn’t work out can help you better identify your deal breakers and help you mind-map interactions or plan dates/conversation starters in the future. 

Indulge in the fantasy fully in a productive way. Use this practice to satisfy yourself emotionally and enable self-growth from the experience. 

Hope this helps xx 

[the-monologues]

Men being completely and irrevocably smitten with their women >>>>>>>

[ex-foster]

"Predatory men love women with zero support system"

- Adult former foster youth on the topic of dating as a former foster youth

[wyrmwould-star]

An agender dating an agender is – by definition of the roots of the word itself – homosexual. But...

[doctor-of-war-and-heartache]

Hey all! I need some advice from fellow polyamorous folks.

Here's the situation (tdlr at the bottom): my partner and I are both poly but in different ways. I find myself desiring relationships with others where my partner is also involved, like a throuple. My partner desires relationships with others where I am not involved at all.

We've tried dating other people as well as each other but separate (my partners way) and it was extremely detrimental to my mental health. So I decided that I was going to only date my partner and not even look for or entertain anything or anyone else, but my partner was still going to date others.

This hasn't been working for me either. I find myself getting jealous and bitter about these other people, two emotions that I do not want to be having in the slightest. I have voiced these opinions to my partner and we're going to talk more about it but I wanted to see if anyone had any advice for me for this conversation.

Tdlr: I know that theyre my person and i want to stay with them but i also want my partner to be able to love others the way that they do but am having negative emotions about it. Does anyone have any advice for other ideas for compromise or how else we can approach this in order to get what we both desire out of our other relationships?

Even if you don't have anything, could you consider reblogging so that it gets to the right audience? Thank you!!!

[veronicadesiree]

[sarahisspeaking06]

i need someone to tell me what its like to go on a date!! i dont have a date lined up but that is kinda another reason why i wanted to go to college out of state lol

but i also want to be safe!! moms shown me too many bad lifetime movies and they freak me out! >.<

[lynneenzo]

[liskantope]

One thing I fear about Trump winning, among 100 other things, is the continuing erosion of trust between men and women. Specifically, I could imagine single, liberal women in the US just deciding not to give any guy (even if they're anti-Trump) a chance.

Do you think this is a real possibility?

Yes, I do think it's a real possibility, although just a small bump along the trend I suspect we are sliding along where young/young-ish women seem less likely to value being in a relationship with a man. It's not even in the top 20 reasons for concern about the Trump victory, but it's probably a thing (albeit a fairly subtle one that would be hard to prove is really happening).

I suppose if a guy is vocally anti-Trump in the right ways, such a trend might not affect him anyway. (Although, as with guys who are really vocally feminist, some women must get suspicious about virtue-signalling what should be equivalent to "being a decent person", and I wouldn't blame them.) I don't know about those of us who are anti-Trump but in a "sometimes anti-Trump people overreact or take some things he says out of context or catastrophize about him in counterproductive ways, and by the way he's most likely not going to actually do anything much to further restrict abortion" way.

[femmefatalevibe]

I’m 24 and never been in a relationship, just one situationship, don’t sleep around or date a whole lot...people say a lot that I’m “sheltered” or don’t get it when they talk about their relationship problems which may be true but also understand what’s going on and wouldn’t put up with the things they’re going through in the relationship (cheating, mistreatment,etc) and how it’s hard for them to leave...to me, I would rather he sheltered then put through all that? But also do have some insecurity about never having a bf and just dating in general because it scares me to be honest (growing up with narcissistic dad, my parents relationship wasn’t great) but it does bother me that they say that about me, should it?

Hi love!

I'm sorry that social pressures and life scripts are causing you anxiety. Personally, I believe dating and relationships are completely optional––it should be something you want to participate in, it's not a requirement. Anyone who's that invested in your dating life needs to get there themselves or break off their unfulfilling relationship to stop projecting, honestly. Their opinion of your personal life is not your problem.

So, the most important question here is: Do you feel pressure to date despite having no desire for a partner or sexual intimacy, or is it fear from traumatic formative relationships that'scausing you to avoid dating/relationships?

If it's the former, keep living your life and pursue your other interests & goals. Letting social pressure dictate big life decisions is a fast-track way to become resentful and regretful in the not-so-distant future.

For the latter, see if your friends would be open to setting you up on low-key dates (coffee, walking around a museum, mini golf, park date, etc.) with friends of friends who they think could be someone you vibe with. If there's no chemistry, you might've made a new friend. If there's chemistry, see how it goes, and don't rigidly define/overthink every step of the journey.

Hope this helps xx

[the-monologues]

Letting someone go, even when you love them deeply, passionately, unexpectedly...because you know you are not ready to healthily commit cause of your trauma, makes you worthy of an applause.

Knowing that you saved someone from the abuse and scars which you are trying to heal from right now, shows how much you love them.

Not knowing if by the time you heal and are ready for them, whether they will still wish for you...and accepting that fact yet deciding to let them go...you deserve an applause for that.

[dreamy-conceit]

I know my standards aren't too high because I meet them 🤷‍♀️

— @nyssacat (TikTok comment, 14 Nov 2024)

[teathattast]

Guy. Girl. Whatever. You know the vibes. Know your worth and stop settling for mediocre people 💯