#Damian is stressing

[p1nkshield]

It was a horrible sight really. The league had found another metahuman experimentation ring. After a few dead ends and empty leads they managed to just happen upon it. The discovery was made by the Superman after hearing a suspicious amount of heartbeats in a seemingly abandoned facility.

Back up was called.

Threats were neutralized.

People were recovered and returned to their families.

They were lucky. The operation had barely begun. They were very lucky. No one had any serious physical injuries that couldn't be treated. They were almost extremely lucky. Almost everyone had someone to tearfully reunite with. Everyone but one individual.

And this individual was very upset.

Superman looked with desperation between his fellow league members as a baby wailed in his arms.

"Shh Shh Shh, uh you're okay? It's alright!" Superman attempted to soothe and continued to look for help, this time looking directly at Green Arrow.

Both of his efforts were to no avail.

The baby only cried louder in response and Oliver suddenly found the most interesting piece of paneling in the watch tower.

The need to find this kid's parents. His super hearing was taking a beating, Flash had run out of silly faces an hour ago and anyone who would have known what to do was not in today.

"Give them to me."

Everyone froze.

Batman stood in front of Superman with his arms outstretched.

Was this a good idea? Batman? Should he give Batman the baby? He scares everyone else in the league wouldn't he scare the baby?

Batman looked expectantly at him.

Superman handed the baby over.

He cradled the baby in the crook of his arm, gently bouncing them as he took out a packet of baby formula, and a bottle. He then addressed the gobsmacked league in front of him.

"Flash. Fill a heat safe bowl with potable water."

"Uh... Okay."

After Flash returned it with the water it was superman's turn to be addressed.

"Superman. Use your heat vision to boil this water."

The water was boiled, cooled and mixed with the inexplicable utility belt formula.

Then the justice league had to grapple with the sight of Batman giving a baby a bottle.

"Green Arrow. Current status of parents or any other family?" Batman asked quietly as the baby was drifting off to sleep.

"Uhh... Oh! We put a bulletin out on the found baby, we are currently going through police databases. We do need to take a DNA sample to help with the search."

Flash zipped over far too quickly for The Dark Night's liking.

"I can zip them to med bay real quick."

"That is unnecessary."

Batman then proceeded to produce a bat themed sterile swab, waited for the baby to yawn and carefully swabbed the inside of their cheek. All the while quietly apologizing in response to sleepy protests.

"Here."

"Oh. I guess that works too?"

Over the course of the rest of the debriefing it became clear that this baby loved Batman. For the short amounts of time when they were awake they were all smiles and happy coos.

It wasn't until after the debrief that things went askew. Nightwing had arrived, apparently because "B doesn't stick around after meetings unless something is wrong".

"Are you sure he's not injured? He usually only stays if he can't leave- No! NO!"

"What!?" Superman scanned the room for danger but found none. Only Batman sitting in the same spot he was in when he was first handed the baby.

"Code not another one! I repeat! Code not another one!"

There was a code for this situation?

"Oracle when was the most recent visit to the adoption papers document?"

Superman couldn't help but over hear through the coms.

"This is bad, it was viewed a few minutes ago!"

The urgency of Nightwing's voice heightened.

"Try to find the Parents and soon! Were looking for someone who could have a kid with black hair...and blue eyes. Raise the code to a level 10 just for that. I'll try to get them from B."

Batman had yet to move. Whether in an act of defiance or in an effort to get the baby back to sleep.

"B."

"Nightwing?"

"Can you give me the baby please?"

"I don't see a reason to."

"I do!"

"And what is that reason?"

"You cannot adopt another kid."

"I wasn't planning on it and even if I did, I have the means."

"Not planning on it? The adoption papers doc was visited six times in the last ten minutes."

"That was not necessarily me."

"Oh really? It was half filled out. Who else in the family is adopting a six month old?"

"Perhaps Redhood."

"Very funny. Give me the baby."

"No."

"Oracle i'm going to need the location of family expedited... Its already top priority? Can you go any faster? Please go faster!"

Superman watched as Nightwing tried his hardest to get Batman to hand over the baby. It was not working. Superman was pulled into a neighboring hall to the room they were in.

"How long has B been holding this baby?"

"Ever since we got back from the mission. None of us could get them to calm down until Batman took over."

Nightwing looked ashen for a moment. The a look of resignation washed over him.

"He calmed the baby down?"

"He was the first to deduce that the poor thing was probably hungry." Superman joked bashfully.

"He fed the baby?"

"I didn't even know he had formula in his utility belt!"

"... Okay."

Nightwing slowly raised his hand to the com in defeat.

"Its a lost cause everybody. Tell agent A we need to break out the batssinet."

Can someone write a fic where Bruce is on a JL mission and they somehow get a baby that they need to take care of until they find their parents. And all the JL members just cannot stop this baby from crying (this is before Clark has Jon so he’s pretty clueless with babies still) and eventually Bruce is like, “give them to me.”

And the JL is like “uhh, we don’t know if we should trust BATMAN with a baby, but at this point… fuck it.” And hand the baby over to him.

And Batman tucks the baby into his chest and softly bounces them, talking to them gently in a deep rumbly voice. “It’s okay sweetheart. Shhh, you’re safe.” And eventually, the baby doesn’t just stop crying, but falls asleep.

And the JL just stand there, gobsmacked. Because what the fuck??? Why is the Batman so good with babies??? And the rest of the mission Batman just has the baby because a) they don’t want them to wake up and start fussing again. And b) because Batman looks genuinely happy (as happy as Batman can be without deeply horrifying the JL).

[bruciemilf]

Reverse de-aging AU where Damian goes from teeny tiny 8 year old assassination machine to 6’4 grown ass man.

He can throw Jason around like a rock and everyone’s sweating piss. Even better if he retains everything and he’s still regular Damian mentally.

Bruce has a Jason 2.0 except GRUMPIER. He’s not sure how he can explain pushing a giant brick shithouse on swings and carrying him around to the media.

“Damian, please let’s stay inside until we figure how to turn you back.”

“I’m legally not required to respect your parental guidelines and orders anymore, so, I’ll do what I want! And I want to drink alcoholic beverages!”

He tries one sip of Jason’s beer and chokes so hard he cries.

Jon is VERY concerned about this random man picking him up from school and demanding they have a playdate. He blasts him into a building, naturally.

[mikami1992]

Danny the Villain by stress… with a twist

We all know that for a supervillain to exist… we first need a hero to face him, because let's admit that's what usually happens…

But a Villain creating an Archrival?, one who only dedicates himself to hunting him and only him?… no, that's not normal, it takes many reasons for someone to decide to play this deadly dance… the good thing is that all the ghosts of the Joker's victims are a great source of reasons…

So, when Danny decides to create another identity to expel all the stress and anger from his life… he decides to create a villain who only dedicates himself to hunting the Joker, and with all the ghost victims watching the criminal clown, foiling his deadly traps and making him (Joker) the victim of his own schemes, he has become a source of fun for the halfa…

…. and if at the same time he ends up flirting with that returnee with the red helmet, well that's a bonus that he won't refuse.

[sparkoflena]

As somebody who has written Batfamily fanfiction (mostly for myself but I have like two things public), Bruce Wayne's relationship with his kids will always be the hardest part.

Yeah, I could fanon it. But I do try my hardest to be at least vaguely canon-compliant in terms of characterizations/relationships.

BUT the history of Bruce Wayne as a father changes depending on the author you read, which Robin is Robin-ing at the time, and what trauma Bruce happens to be going through. Is he going to be deeply supportive of his kids and attend their events and be both awkward and proud? Is he going to hit his kids? Who knows, certainly not DC writers.

(I'm of the opinion that Bruce Lost-His-Parents-At-A-Young-Age & Adopted-Kids-Like-Him-To-Build-A-Family-He-Didn't-Have-As-A-Child Wayne ABSOLUTELY should be a Good Parent[TM], albeit a bit Overprotective Dad. But there are only a handful of authors who follow this depiction)

[rewrittenwrongs]

AU where Damian is mourning his father and desperate to believe it isn’t real so he’s the one to listen to Tim when he says Bruce is alive, when Dick dismisses him, so he plops himself down next to Tim and refuses not to help him even though they hate each other, and they drag each other kicking and screaming on the worst road trip of all time

[flamingpudding]

Guys it's just merch

Danny watched with a smile hidden behind his mug of hot cocoa his new family. Originally he was only going to mess with them a little, since he wanted to keep his civilian live he gained with them but at the same time wanted to kind of provoke them to tell him about their night time jobs on their own.

Not like he could just flat out tell them he knew about their vigilantes lifes and that would be embarrassing to explain.

It's not every day that Danny's powers fluked on him, but with the stress of the past months, it happened. Right at a moment, he had to be clumsy and trip over his own feet and accidentally phased through a grandfather's clock, finding a hidden passage. Well at least he learned that way that Batman hadn't placed him with some other rich fruitloop that wasn't his godfather but well... with Batman himself and his family out of mask.

Yeah no, he did not want to explain that and hoped they would do that themselves. But apparently, they took Danny's statement of wanting a normal life a bit too serious.

Which brought him back to his current entertainment in the form of messing with his siblings.

"I don't get what the problem is guys. It's just merch." He chuckled slightly at the face Damian was making. While Jason chose to kick Tim under the table.

"Soooo how much merch on Red Robin do you have with this shirt now?" Dick asked instead with a bright smile, Danny still hadn't figured out how to tell what emotion he hid behind them sometimes.

"I think this is my third shirt of him." Danny mused, placing his cup back on the table and tapping his lip in a thinking motion. "Though I was going to pick up a couple of custom-made jackets of Red Hood and a Nightwing plush later today."

He acted like he did not hear the triumph like hiss of 'yes' from Jason as well as the very upset huff of Damian.

He just grinned at the amusement about how they apparently were competing over how much merch he owned of each of them.

When he found a Robin figure and several Robin pins mysteriously placed on his desk the next morning, he broke out laughing. Yet still just to mess with them gushed about his newly gotten merch to his family while sharing a knowing look with Alfred who knew he was just messing with them.

If there was a surprising amount of Batman merch, suddenly mixed into what he already owned the following week without his knowledge. Well, he wasn't going to complain about free stuff.

But he still would get a good laugh out of their reactions on the day he decided to full on dawn every piece of Batman merge instead of theirs.

[bluerosefox]

BREAKING NEWS! Youngest Wayne's Secret Lovechild?!

Teenage Ellie taking care of deaged Danny and moving to Gotham to hide from Vlad because Lady Gotham offered them sanctuary and will keep Vlad out.

BUT

Chaos is set into motion when during a Rogue attack, Damian Wayne (not as Robin at the moment) saves him and returns Danny to Ellie...

The internet/news happen because of course it did.

And people mistake Danny as his kid and Ellie his baby mama.

[flwrkid14]

Tim Drake: Vigilante by Night, Nail Artist by… Also Night?

You wouldn’t think it at first glance, but Tim Drake has the best nails in the Batfamily. Not just “good for a guy who punches people at night”—no, immaculate. We’re talking glossy top coats, intricate designs, and cuticles so well-maintained they could make a spa technician weep.

No one really knows when it started. Maybe it was stress relief, maybe it was an exercise in precision, or maybe Tim just realized his hands looked too rough after long nights on patrol and decided, why not?

—

Picture this:

Jason: staring at Tim’s nails “Is that… a mini Gotham skyline?”

Tim, blowing on his fresh polish: “Yeah. Took me two hours.”

Jason: “…I can’t tell if that’s badass or terrifying.”

—

Or this:

Damian watches Tim paint his nails, eyes narrowing. “How do you keep them so precise?”

Tim grins. “Steady hand. Want to try?”

Damian hesitates, then nods. “I suppose… for training purposes.”

An hour later, Damian’s sporting deep green nails with tiny golden swords. He’s hooked.

—

The Batcave Chronicles:

Bruce walks in, about to give a mission briefing. Stops. Blinks.

Tim is carefully applying tiny bat symbols on a matte black base.

Bruce: “…Is this really necessary?”

Tim: “Mental health care, Bruce. Ever heard of it?”

Bruce decides he has not, in fact, heard of it. Leaves.

—

Justice League Meetings:

Wonder Woman notices during a debrief. “Timothy, your nails are beautiful.”

Tim, beaming: “Thanks. This week’s theme is constellations.”

Hal Jordan, muttering: “How does he fight crime with those?”

Tim, deadpan: “Better than you without them.”

—

And don’t even get the batfam started on the glow-in-the-dark polish he wears on patrol. Steph still brings up the time Tim knocked out a thug, and the guy’s last words before unconsciousness were: “Are those… holographic?”

Tim Drake: world’s most sleep-deprived detective, but you’ll never catch him with chipped nails or uncut cuticles.

[shrugsinchinese]

A sketch and doodle page for Bat Swap by @im-not-buying-it-ether!

Billy is truly Going Through It in this one, and Bruce is getting called out by every significant Fawcitizen it’s hilarious

[littlefankingdom]

~ Batman (2016)

Oh, they're so brothers.

[rhiaemrys]

All of those Batfamily de-aged fics, but like, they’re all in their "Trouble-Maker Era". This is primarily to create as much chaos as physically possible, and potentially cause Batman a stress aneurysm.

Like, Dick Grayson, going from a relatively well adjusted (for a vigilante which isn’t saying much) to a tiny crazed 8 year old Robin who is ready to Fight God or die trying. He keeps perching on chandeliers, throwing stuff at people and hitting Damian over the head every time Damian mentions hes Robin.

Jason Todd, who was a well settled Red Hood. Little murder, but mostly having fun with the outlaws and saving the world. Now is an angry recently resurrected 19 year old bent on beating the Bat up. Currently he's gone to the wind. No one knows where he's at, but once something blows up they'll use that as a triangulator.

Cassandra Cain, who already is a stubborn shit at the best of times but has learned to compromise more and more over the years, is back to the homeless child that Bruce found during No Mans Land. She only trusts Bruce and Duke and is utterly willing to wreck anyone else who gets close to them.

Tim Drake, who has found his calling as whatever call sign he chooses, is now launched back to “All my friends and family are dead or think I’m in desperate need of therapy (which I am but god forbid I admit that), I think I’m a little insane with grief so let me traverse the entire world and work with one of my adoptive fathers greatest enemies to find him” Red Robin era. He's been holed up in his room running the calculations that this is a doomsday scenario since he got back from being de-aged.

Stephanie Brown (who, unlike the rest was smart enough to run for the hills when the magic user appeared, yelling out that this one is for the idiot boys, but unfortunately got waylaid by Cass), is now a new Spoiler who is spoiling to fight Batman barehanded because he said that she should go home.

Duke is back to the Robin War gang era and along with Dick, ready to Fight God. Hes got like, fifty makeshift weapons at one time and ends up teaming up with Cass.

Damian, currently Robin and doing very well in the role, is now back to the newly acquired child stage where he’s attempting to prove himself to both sides of his heritage. He ends up being terribly endearing to Bruce solely because, even if it's only partial, at least Damian sticks around for the whole lecture when the crew gets in trouble (he's only doing that so he can find loopholes).

It concerns Bruce how many of these literal children are either down to murder or take out their siblings should said sibling Attempt To Murder.

[bimarts]

Don't mind me just thinking about Jason Todd falling for an Architectural intern at Wayne Enterprises, only to find out that they hate Red Hood because he's destroyed so many of the buildings that they've worked on and the first project that they were able to lead.

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm bad at math, but is Bruce theoretically 38 years old when he goes into the time stream?

Hear me out (and canon likes to fluncate their ages, so this is my best guess without trying to account for birthdays):

Bruce becomes the legal guardian of 9 year old Dick when he's 23. That's a 14 year difference.

Jason becomes Robin when Dick leaves at 18. Jason is 13. That's a five year difference.

Jason dies at 15, and Tim becomes Robin at 13. That's a two year difference.

The age difference between Tim and Bruce would thus be 21 years.

Tim becomes Red Robin to find Bruce at 17.

That means that Bruce had to be 38, right? Why was I imagining him closer to 50?

Adopting so many kids must have aged him

[lizardpersonyknow]

Tim, attempting to defend his kill count: Look it was a high stress situation ok! And I was stuck in fight or flight mode! Y'know, the instincts of every human?

Duke: you are trying to tell me that you were so stressed you reverted to your basic instincts

Tim: yes!!

Damian, reluctantly approving: and your instincts are mass murder?

(Dick, in background: yeah that's Tim)

Tim: noooo... It was make things go boom?

Jason, nodding sagely: I get that too, in fact I was under very high stress when I...

Bruce, almost frantic: when you helped people. Because you are. Supposed. To. help. People.

[zeynyukine3011]

Scrolling in the Ra's al Ghul tag is a jumpscare that you were expecting but still got jumpscared.

The amount of Tim related things I see.... I want to see just Ra's, Talia, Damian,Bruce and other Al Ghul members. I'm so sick of seeing "Ra's al Ghul cherishes Tim's spleen 🤗 and he wants Tim's babies 🤪 Tim knows everything about Ra's al Ghul and the League of Assassins 🥴"

Can Tim stans leave Ra's alone??? Let the man be the family guy he is. Let him love and care his daughter, son and grandson. Let him care for animals, plants, the whole planet! Stop making everything related to Ra's about Tim. Stop making him a creepy pedo.

[flamingpudding]

How to NOT find out you're adopted

The fun thing about dying was that it messed with your mind. Well it wasn't fun perse but well it was an expirence. It was espacially fun if you have died twice.

And the best part was. Finding out through dying that you're adopted. Really Danny wanted to sarcastically applaud someone for that.

Because when he stepped into his parents portal and turned it one by pretty much dying through electrocution and then getting revieved by the portal that opened on top of him, life decided that wasn't enough drama. Because at that time a whole set of apparently lost memories reopend.

Good point. In the months after his portal accident he had been to busy to deal with that. Bad point, once he had the time to think about it he wanted to rip his hair out cause apparently that portal accident had not been his first death but second death.

Like it wasn't enough that he didn't have any memory's of anything before the age of five before, got some freaky but awesome ghost powers, no his memories has to return too.

And he didn't like it when they did.

Because that meant he now had to remember his oh so gracious grandfather killing him by throwing him into the Lazarus Pit as sacrifice. Really getting drowned wasn't fun as a first death.

Because that meant he was the son of a crime fighting furry. Someone he barely knew anything but his vigilante name and all the praises his bio mother used to brainwash him with.

Because that meant he had a brother that was likely still getting brainwashed by probably both their bio mother and the lunatic of a grandfather.

Because that meant a realization that the Lazarus Pit was nothing more than a ecto-variant. Which, screw that he now got revived two times through that shit too.

But most of all that meant he was fucking adopted and his parents didn't bother to tell him at all. Now, he really didn't feel bad anymore about not telling them about Phantom.

Really as if being half ghost wasn't messing with his life enough now he was starting to get worried about this grandfather's cult and the crime fighting Bat.

At least they wouldn't come to Amity Park, right?