Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
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It's 3am. It's pouring down rain. Steve's soaked to the skin, been wandering the city for most of the night, hasn't slept in almost 24 hours, thinks maybe he's on the brink of delirium, and then a truck hits a pool of ponded water, sending a muddy wave cascading over him.
He just wants to go home but Dustin lost his dog and he can't leave a puppy out in this weather.
Steve steps off the curb, and what looks like a shallow puddle turns out to be a water-filled hole. He crashes towards the pavement, nothing he can do to stop it. As fast he's falling, he's miraculously not, arms wrapped around his waist. It takes a second for his brain to catch up, to understand that he's being held upright in an old-fashioned, romantic dip.
"Careful, sweetheart," a deep and smoke raspy voice says from above him.
it sends chills down his spine, the good kind, and warmth slips through him. His rescuer is a solid 10 knockout. Long, curly hair; eyeliner; decked out in leather and studs and chains. He smells like booze and cigarettes and weed, and it's intoxicating. Steve has to fight the instinct to nuzzle the guy's leather jacket. He's beautiful, holds Steve with the swagger only a guy with rings on every finger could pull off.
And Steve is a mud soaked mess in sweatpants and a threadbare Hawkins High tee. But the guy holding him isn't letting go. He stares down at Steve, brown eyes wide.
"Steve!" A voice calls over the patter of the rain.
"Dustin?" He says at the same time that the man holding him says, "Henderson?"
"Eddie?" Dustin asks.
"Wait, dnd Eddie?" Steve gets his feet under him, but Eddie's arms don't drop.
"You're the famous babysitter Steve I've been hearing all about?"
They gape at each other until Dustin reaches them.
"What are you still doing out here?" Dustin shouts. "We found Dart hours ago."
"Dustin!" He thinks he might cry. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You weren't answering your walkie!"
"Fuck." Steve drops his face to his hand. The walkie. Which is on the table by the front door where he and Robin leave their keys.
Steve swallows his frustration, the misery of waterlogged shoes, having to be up to open the store in a few hours, meeting the hottest guy he's ever seen when he looks like a drowned rat.
"I promised I'd find Dart, didn't I? Now what the hell are you doing out so late?"
"Mom and I were looking for you!"
"Let's get you back to the car, man, okay?" Steve says to Dustin. He wants to end this weird, terrible, embarrassing night before it gets even more humiliating.
"I can give you a ride home," Eddie says. He's got this weird, intense look on his face, staring at Steve.
"I'm only a few blocks away. I'll be fine. C'mon, Henderson."
"Oh, I can walk him. You head home."
He nods, starts towards his apartment, but turns back just in time to see Eddie and Dustin share a look he can't parse.
---
A few days later, Dustin's following him around at work, chattering about dnd as Steve shelves books, and without taking a breath during a soliloquy about owl bears, says, "Eddie's running a one-shot for us next week. You should come! It's a great way to get into the game."
"I'm not playing dnd," Steve answers. He slides a book onto the shelf. "I've told you this."
"Yeah, but you liked Eddie, right? He'd help you out!"
Steve squints at the kid. "I didn't really meet Eddie to know. Anyway, I'm sure he doesn't want a newbie crashing."
Steve is pretty sure Eddie doesn't like him, based on their short introduction, so he's not interested in forcing himself into the guy's dnd club. The night they met was humiliating enough, Steve in all his dorky glory.
"No, he totally wouldn't care. C'mon, Steve!"
"No can do." He ruffles Dustin's hair as he walks away.
He thinks that'll be the end of it, but every few days, for weeks Dustin and all the rest of the kids stop at the store to beg him to join their dnd club.
---
Steve is working the register and he hears the shuffling clank of a customer, looks up and finds Eddie. He's staring at Steve with that same look from the night they met, intense and piercing, cutting straight through the heart of him. He feels himself start to blush.
The first thing out of Eddie's mouth is, "Wait, this is your store?"
"Yeah?" Steve asks. "Is that--is that weird?"
"No! Not at all. It's a good store. Cute." His nose wrinkles when he says it and Steve's blush grows hotter. He knew Eddie thought he was a dork.
"Cute. Yeah. Right. Can I help you with something?"
Eddie rocks back on his heels, hands going to the pockets of his leather jacket, sending his chains jingling. "Oh, so, actually I wanted to see if you were busy?"
"Yeah, man. I'm busy." He laughs, doesn't intend to be mean about it, but he and Robin only opened the store six months ago and both take night classes at the local community college. Plus, everything he does with the kids.
Eddie's face flushes bright. "Oh, sure, of course. Yeah, I--I'll see you around."
The door thunks to a close behind him, and a voice immediately pops up to ask, "What the hell was that?"
He turns to find Max Mayfield hands on hips, glaring up at him, Robin close behind.
"Shouldn't you be in school?"
Max rolls her eyes and strides up to the counter. "Why were you an asshole to Eddie?"
"He started it!"
"I highly doubt that."
"Okay, Ms. Know-it-all, why don't you tell me what happened?"
"I know for a fact that Eddie came in today to ask you out. So, tell me, Steve Harrington, why he rushed out of here looking like a kicked puppy?"
"What?" He yelps. "Eddie doesn't even like me!"
She glares. "Doesn't like you? He's been pathetic about you since you met."
He gapes at Robin. "Don't look at me," she shrugs. "But that guy was definitely here to ask you out."
"Fix it." Max commands as she stomps out the door. "He bar tends at that metal place on 68th."
---
It's just after 9pm and he's at the metal bar on 68th, decidedly out of place in the yellow t-shirt and jeans he wore to his business accounting class.
It's fairly busy for a weeknight, but Eddie's not hard to find. He's obviously in his element, bobbing his head to a song Steve's never heard as he mixes a drink.
With a hard swallow and a healthy dose of humility, he walks up to the bar.
"Be right--" Eddie starts, balking when he notices Steve.
"Can we talk?" he shouts over the music.
Eddie's eyes widen a little, but he nods, slips out from behind the bar to guide him to an employee exit.
"What's up, Steve?" Eddie asks. His hands are in his pockets, shoulders bowed in.
"I wanted to apologize."
"What for?"
"Earlier, I--when you said the store was cute I thought you were making fun of me."
"But--why?"
"I thought you didn't like me." Steve cringes at the admission.
"What?" He laughs.
"I don't know. We met in the middle of the night and I was covered in mud looking for a dog that wasn't lost anymore."
"Steve. Holy shit." Eddie shakes his head. "You looked gorgeous that night. The way your clothes were sticking--you know what? Never mind. Did you think I wanted you to come to dnd because I hated you?"
"You wanted me to come?"
"Dustin didn't..."
"No! And he's been asking me to play dnd weekly for the past five years."
"Jesus Christ," Eddie slumps agains the brick wall at his back. "No wonder you turned me down today."
"To be fair," Steve slumps next to him. "If I had realized you were asking me out, I wouldn't have turned you down."
"No?" Eddie asks. His brown eyes gleam.
"Definitely not. I've had a crush on you since that night. Sort of devastating since I thought you didn't like me." Steve runs his hand through his hair, watches Eddie track the movement.
"The store is cute, Steve. I--uh--I've been a few times. Back before I knew you were the owner! I just kept seeing a hot employee with great hair and a perfect ass, and the vaguely mean lesbian barista gives me free drinks."
"That's Robin," Steve says. He's smiling so hard.
"I know that now," Eddie smiles back. "Sorry for being an idiot."
"Me too." Steve nods. "Do you--could I still come to dnd? Or take you out sometime?"
"Why not both?" Dimples pop on Eddie's cheeks, and Steve's heart flips.
"I like both." They're still against the wall, but drifting into each other's space.
"So Dustin said."
It surprises a laugh out of Steve. "I'm gonna kill him."
"Too bad. He's a nice kid."
"Eh, we've got six more to choose from."
"I have a few more hours here, but there's a diner down the street that does some of the most mediocre pancakes I've ever tasted. Meet me there? Around 2?"
"A thousand lost puppies wouldn't make me miss it."
The next time Steve is out at 3am he's pressed against a building, Eddie kissing him so thoroughly he knows he's never recovering from this one.
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