#DECADE.. (scared)
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ever think about how Edwin was bringing that lantern over to a dying Charles without knowing he could see him. he'd just recently escaped hell and yet he saw a boy bullied and shivering, and his first response was to try and help even with zero recognition. to try and stop what happened to him in that very same place from happening all over again. and then when Charles does see him, that realisation that it was already too late. that Edwin had been through hell and back, gone for decades and returned to the very thing he'd left to. how hopeless that must have felt and yet he kept it a secret, read Charles stories, kept him company until Charles did die because he didn't want to scare him.
#HE DIDNT WANT TO SCARE HIM!!#because Edwin died scared then spent decades in hell terrified and at the very least he just didnt want Charles to die scared like he did#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#payneland
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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Gay little clown man, I love you so much
#dc joker#joker#batman rogues#batjokes#i haven't been on tumblr for a decade and I'm kinda scared to start interacting again#but i need outlets for my hyperfixation on batjokes so here we go
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i just wanted to draw the ave mujica outfits .
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#nenekasa#<- i like them.#sorry i like mygo + avemuji but cant make fanart of anything im not Fucking Crazy about normally#had to touch it up digitally because i tried coloring a Pen Drawing in with Watercolor. in earnest.#Everything think the announcements gonna be a new unit. I think that would be hilarious and the worst possible timing#Given where everyone else's arcs are but the miku design looked cute so if its jsut a new game that would cheese me#My tag blabbering... what else ... im artfight slacking. my wrist hurts. course selection is next week. SCREAMS#please pray to God i do not have any 8am classes. PLEASE. my college commute takes over an hour. If i have to wake up at 6am i will k#Oh my God i have to go to the dentist tomorrow too please fucking helpme THEYRE GONAN FIDN AMILLION CAVITIES AND KILL ME. AAAAAHG.#Every time theres another proseka broadcast announced i get scared cause i have so many song covers i want in the game but.#I want to draw them first. So that if they Do get added to the game i cna go HEH... >:)....#Thats whyi did skeleton orchestra emnn and scissorhands rks. I want scissorhands in the game reallybad i love that song#3DMV EVEN PLEEEASE but also nothing can too miumes choreography from like a decade ago i wanna do a cosplay performanc eof it someday...#i ❤�� waacking.#actually the one i Really want to draw is ALSO nenekasa. record red save me. ILL DRAW IT OK
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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one of the funniest things is during all nine episodes luffy did not actively have one single plan except "become the worlds greatest pirate and find the one piece". he spent at max a month? less? at sea and everything he accomplished (taking down FOUR feared pirates in like a week, stealing the grand line map, finding a faithful and loyal crew, getting a bounty of 30 million on his head, etc) was mostly by accident. he stumbles into trouble and then proceeds to become the trouble
#one piece#opla#one piece live action#one of ur men pick up a barrel in a raid and a manic stowaway convinces ur henchman to turn against you and then destroys your ship. some k#you want the grand line map so u kidnap this kid and he takes ur dismembered body parts and traps them in trunks and scares ur crew off#u spend a decade running a long con to get all the money from a ship yard and this rando shows up on the night of your big plan and foils it#literally sends u packing by flinging u out a window#ur a feared warlord fish man but ur pet cartographer just happens to be friends with the one person willing and capable to destroy#everything you have. His friends kill all ur men. turns ur base into ruble#and he walks away without a scratch#luffy doesn’t have problems he’s everyone else’s problem lmaooo
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ordered my first bjd the other day (!!!) and it probably won't show up for a few weeks/months, but do any doll owners got fave stores for clothes and wigs and whatever else?
#ive wanted a bjd for like over a decade but was always too scared of the price lol#i kinda have no idea what im doing#she'sssss i think 1/4 size? and totally blank so i'll have to do her faceup stuff too#i wanna make her look like paprika and even just finding accurate striped tights has been hard lol#i'll be looking up more tutorials and vids once she gets here but thought i'd ask here in advance too
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remember what they took from us (butch nisha)
#borderlands#nisha kadam#youre telling me this woman is straight. hello. anthony burch.#so many good hair options. the curls. the white. the rattail for tps.#then they put her in makeup and made her a decade younger. borderlands is so scared of making women look older than thirty lmfao
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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define scared however you like (closing your eyes at the bad parts, ass clenching tension, whatever)
#.text#im asking bc a lot of movies being described as scariest of the decade and like do ppl feel scared watching horrors?#not doing it in a 'my pussy doesn't clench' superior way but I don't think it's that frequent?#and i specify as an adult bc children usually are more easily unsettled and by milder stuff#hp and the chamber of secrets scared me shitless as a child so you know.
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i like them together....
#a doodley#jumpscaring everyone again#im stilll deciding talons nose shape#saw a nose shape that looked a lot like his the other day and im trying to integrate it with the old way i used to draw it too#undecided if he should have very visible nostrils or if theyre more hidden like al's#speaking of al he's existed for over a decade and im still deciding eye color!#i feel his whole scheme fits the light grey or green eyes ive always given him#but. light eyes scare me and he is my forever girl. so we're leaning brownish again rn#it all goes back to brown. like how i cant stop drawing talon with his original eye color when he's meant to have the scary purple eyes#as a vampyre#AND FINALLY im trying to find a way to add more texture to talons face#i have to do more intentional wrinkles around the eyes and sockets that add form#i give al his acne scars + bumps + pores#wanted to give talon liver spots but he is a vampire! no sun exposure!#might also just do like. bumps and blemishes#the illusion of rugged skin
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I know other adults like to joke about how much pain they're in, but genuinely, please try to get your pain checked out if you're an adult experiencing it, or at least adapt your life in whatever way lessens your pain.
Your pain deserves to be addressed. Please don't "let" it get worse because you've been told that to grow older is to suffer. No, you aren't being needy or selfish or annoying. Ultimately, you are the one who suffers the most from the state of your health, and it's entirely reasonable to want your health to be up to your standards.
#disability#chronic pain#it's actually not normal to feel scared to sneeze for fear of making your pain worse (calling myself out)#i dunno i guess maybe i'm just ~too young~ an adult but i'm already tired of the jokes about pain 😮💨#i've been at this pain going on decades now so i guess that's what's gotten me kind of sensitive lol#like... it's just shitty to be told that 'its gonna get SO much worse so don't even TRY' as an adult with pain#basically when you're a kid you're too young but if you're an adult well... that's just what you get so suck it tf up#i'm going back to playing video games so that i may live in the comforting realm of fantasy (Much Less Pain Universe)#(trying to be grateful that my body is Very invested in telling me that it needs to be handled gently but it's hard)#talking so much about this just to continuously make sure that people don't do what i did in the past
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very invisible but very mean audience
#i might mean nonexistent#but they kinda do#in my brain#i just???? gOD im so scared to draw#like why the fuck am i even doing this#im not even good at it for the time i spent doing it#which is more than a decade#and i know it’s shit and stupid thinking#but theres always always always an audience whenever i do smth#moreso when i draw#but literally whenever i do anything at all#and theyre all fucking mocking me#and laughing at me#and its just been like this ever since i was a kid#just…oh my god can it please fucking shut up#im not drawing for anyone at all but my#stupid ass fucking brain cannot be convinced#ahahahahaha fucK#lord why did u make me scared of nonexistent things#wHEN#when will i finally feel like ive achieved smth#as a fucking artist#holy shit it’s never ending
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After work, Niall took his car a bit further than usual, following Franklin to his home that he shared with Laura. He needed somebody to talk to about his doubts, and Franklin was the one who understood the topic the most of all.
Once inside, Franklin led his friend to a sitting room and lit the fireplace. Niall's eyes immediately jumped to a bottle of whisky that had been placed on a small table in just the right position to have a relaxing night of drinking on the couch. Although he had been trying to stay away from alcohol, Franklin seemed to be making a good point that he could just have a sip or two. Surely that could not cause any issues.
After a number of whisky glasses that Niall had lost count of quite early on, he slowly opened up to Franklin about the worries he had about Louis. He told him about the dream that his son had told him about, and how that had released feelings of doubt he had been pushing away rather than working on them.
As he listened to Franklin's words of encouragement, Niall felt his head getting heavier and the world around him seemed to be getting blurrier by the minute. Suddenly, his body seemed to act on autopilot, and he pulled his friend in for a kiss, just as he was about to turn away from him.
Thankfully, though, Franklin pushed him away immediately. They might have been together like that in the past, but that was all it was - the past. Neither of them actually still had any feelings for the other, and they had moved on a long time ago.
Bringing some distance between them, Niall scooted away in embarrassment. In doing so, his eyes fell to the photograph of Franklin's partner, Maxim, whom he had actually introduced him to, and then, just above, another photograph of himself with Emma, his wife. What was he even doing here? Was it really that easy for him to slip into old habits and make it worse at that? What would she say if she saw him like this now?
[TRANSCRIPT]
Franklin: "So, may I offer you a drink? Let me just light the fireplace."
Niall: "Erm... what sort of drink?"
Franklin: "You still like whisky?"
Niall: "Uhm... technically... but I haven't had one in ages."
Franklin: "Really? I can't imagine."
Niall: "I swear! I haven't had alcohol since... some time after Louis was born?"
Franklin: "Maybe that's why you're so stressed out."
Niall: "I mean... I can't say it isn't."
Franklin: "Right, surely one glass won't kill you. To take the edge off, you know?"
Niall: "Right."
...
Franklin: "So, you're worried because of a dream?"
Niall: "You're gonna tell me it doesn't mean anything, aren't you?"
Franklin: "Maybe not, but either way... That's got nothin' to do with you in the end, does it?"
Niall: *sighs* "I don't know. I guess I just hate to face that part of myself."
Franklin: "You're never gonna find peace that way, Niall."
Niall: "I know. And I love Emma so much, but thinking about this makes me feel like a fraud." *hic*
Franklin: "That's ridiculous. You just like both, and most of all you like her. It's that simple."
Niall: "Easy *hic* for you to say."
Franklin: *laughs* "How are you this drunk already? I need to catch up! Let me just top up my glass and- Mh!"
Franklin: "Niall, stop! What the fuck are you doing!?"
Niall: "I- I don't know."
Franklin: "That's enough drinking for you then."
Niall: "I'm so sorry! I don't know what's come over me!"
Franklin: "You really need to start properly working through this shit. I'll help you if you need me to, but I'm not here for you to fool around with for some distraction."
Niall: "I know, I don't even want that from you. You know this."
Niall: "I'm so stupid! I never should have come here. I tell you, this thing is causing nothing but trouble in my life."
Franklin: "Look, it's fine. Just figure yourself out. Your damned sexual preferences are not the issue here."
Niall: "Right. I'll- I'll try my best. Thanks for the talk."
#ts4 decades challenge#ts4#sims 4#ts4 legacy#1930s#niall mcgregor#franklin cleary#alcoholism tw#things were a little bit too wholesome out here :D#also do not listen to franklin's “advice” about drinking to fix ur problems ofc he has no idea what he's talking about#he didn't even know or understand that niall was sober so#i'm scared of y'all's reaction but my brain demanded this scene so here it is
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fell into a bit of a cr transcripts rabbit hole and can I just say once again that I am so in love with Astrid Becke and I feel like the wizard fandom should be more in love with her too
#she’s so complex and so interesting!!!#she is capable of incredible violence but she can be so caring#she has spent a decade and change under the direct control of her abuser#she cannot escape but she subverts him in subtle ways when she can#she hates herself she loves caleb she is falling apart at the seams#she’s so angry and she’s so scared#GAH what a character#critical role#astrid becke#eve talks
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