#Cis women deserve their own safe spaces just like we deserve our own safe spaces

[catboyvulture]

Do you ever look at the news and think to yourself: "Huh, the way they use the crimes a single person has commited to demonize an entire group and as justification to deny them human rights sure does remind me of the way they used to talk about people of color and gay people"

And do you just then go: "Nah, surely this time they are correct." ???

Also please use at least something remotely trustworthy like the Washington Post to dehumanize people.

Also Love Nikki literally has a trans girl character so wtf

I'M LITERALLY TRANS MYSELF💀 Guess your mindset makes me violent and that I'm denying myself human rights then? Always great to see "allies" telling people what they should think as if we're a monolith, not giving cult vibes at all

Almost like you're the one "demonizing" an entire group of people instead of seeing that things like this will happen when women's and girls', especially black women, safety isn't being upheld, which will hurt both cis women AND trans women as it 1) leads to vulnerable women (many black) not being safe from violence and 2) others trying to paint an entire demographic in a bad light 3) idiot messages from ppl like you lol

Also if you'd followed me you'd know I HC several SN characters as trans💀💀

[cedarnommer]

A trans person was assaulted for trying to comply to transphobic demands on going to the "correct" bathroom. And the response from transphobes was merely that she deserved it. That it's "boys just fighting". That this is so that women are kept safe.

I know this site is full of TERFs. And so, I want to focus the attention towards you. Your belief system is just very disjointed. Women should have their own spaces and defeat the patriarchy. Yet somehow men are inherently powerful and violent. We should dismantle the patriarchal system. Yet "boys fighting" is acceptable, even as one person is a trans femme that was attacked. No matter how patient and compassionate people can be towards you, you vilify us and support men that do this to us. You are not fighting for women's rights. Likely your movement will hinge back to racism if we ever get wiped out as you seek us to be. Your ideas won't protect lesbians. They won't protect black women. They won't even protect you.

We can't use a public restroom. We can't use locker rooms. Are we going to be a threat to you just for existing publicly at some point? As cis men and women murder us and rape us?

And I want to know, where does that help you? If we get killed off are you going to be safer from cis men? Is this fun to you? Trying to ruin our lives? To tell us how we're supposed to feel and identity? Do you know why we start having violent responses to our abusers? Do you not realize you are behaving like the said men you despise?

Your movement is rotten. It's protecting men. And it's endangering us. All I can say is go fuck yourselves for all of this.

[jacquiarno]

It’s Bisexuality Visibility Month (also Suicide Awareness Month), and the biphobia has been constant and intense, even in our own bi spaces, mostly from fellow LGBTQIA+ people.

Bi women have been told they are tainted for being with men, that we are dirty and dick obsessed. We’ve been told we are perverted fetishists by both cis and trans lesbians, with even gay men joining in on the insults, with one even threatening violence towards bi women if they come near lesbians. We even got told we deserve to be abused, raped, and murdered by our male partners because that’s what we deserve for dating men.

Bi men are being accused again for being HIV carriers, with gay men saying they are only good for sex because they will end up leaving them for women. One trans man said he would kill himself if a man started dating a woman after him, not leave him for one but just start dating again and that person being a woman.

I haven’t seen insults directly about non-binary bisexuals, but I’m sure there would be and a lot of hate lumps us all together. All this hates stings me but I can’t imagine the pain of all this for non-binary, trans women, and trans men dealing with it all, and it makes me so disappointed and angry that fellow trans people in this community are hurting them.

Pride Month a lesbian wrote “I wish god would eradicate all the bisexuals” while another wrote “For Pride Month let all the bi people disappear” with both having thousands of likes and comments agreeing. Now during Bi Visibility Month, a non-binary lesbian with feminist in their profile posted “Happy bi visibility month, I hope they find a cure soon 💖”. While continuing to mock us after.

Our allies and so-called LGBTQIA+ advocates have been silent and have even participated in bierasure, laughing at us when we point it out, saying “It’s not that serious.” “Lol the bis are getting upset over nothing again”. Only the bisexual advocates and pages have spoken out against the hate.

The B in LGBTQIA+ is suppose to be for bisexual but this community says and treats us as awfully as the bigots do to all of us. Bisexual is the sexuality that is attracted to two or more genders, that we have the ability to love anyone regardless of their gender. But we’re treated as greedy, perverted, hyper sexual, unfaithful, which from bigots you understand and usually brush off, but from those within the community who go through similar prejudice and should understand, sharing the same ignorant mindset.

These spaces are suppose to be our safe havens as well, but are just as dangerous. We try making our own spaces and even that is invaded by these people, we are beyond exhausted. We need the other members of the community that aren’t biphobic to speak out more and shut these people and this hate down. Because the lack of empathy from this community is frightening and all this in-fighting will allow the bigots to pick us a part more easily.

[daddyd0nt]

Do you not wish for a world where women don't have to fear, I suppose we'll say "males", in the same locker room? Do you not believe feminism can create that world? And if you do, but believe trans women are still too tainted by male socialization growing up, how should it begin?

I do support certain spaces being segregated by birth sex. AFAB people of all genders deserve a safe penis-free space when it comes to things like bathrooms and prisons and hospitals and contact sports and women's shelters. I believe that feminism is our best chance for pushing back against a world without sex-based protections. I also believe Afab people should be made a protected group under hate crime laws and that femicide, rape, domestic battery, etc should be recognized as the hate crimes that they are.

I don't think trans women are "tainted" by male socialization, or that they experience gendered socialization like somebody without dysphoria would, especially if they transition young or have childhood dysphoria and live their lives with the world feeling like an ill-fitting suit. I think that is a unique experience from how cis men are socialized and internalize that socialization. My trans women friends are completely different from my cis male friends and the ones I know are some of the most harmless people I ever met who just decided they were sick of the machismo bullshit and wanted to be soft and enjoy cute things and find make up and fashion fun and just feel more confident in their skin with a skirt and lipstick and god bless them, its no skin off my ass and it makes the mortifying ordeal of being perceived a little softer Im not going to begrudge them that.

I also knew all my MtF friends back before they transitioned and even as males they were trusted. My closest MtF friend who is going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding literally kicked down a door and saved me mid-rape from a neighborhood boy who was taking liberties with my passed-out body. She's also schizoaffective and has gone through periods of believing she was a prophet before when we were teens, so "refer to me as a woman" feels downright reasonable next to past requests like "refer to me as god/the voice of god". I also have plenty of FtM friends, Im going to have at least one "bridesman" at my wedding.

I love trans people, I love gender non conformity, I want trans people to live their lives with safety and dignity and for them to be accommodated with spaces tailored to their needs. I think the best solution is to separate spaces by birth sex instead of gender (two beige bathrooms, one says "urinals" and one says "Sanitary Product Disposal") and by creating restrooms/locker rooms/sports leagues specifically to accommodate trans people FOR EVERYBODY'S SAFETY (it is not fair or safe to expect people on HRT especially trans women with bone density loss from artificial estrogen to participate in contact sports with people who have cis bodies, nor is it fair to have trans men on T competing against cis women when T is considered a performance enhancing supplement).

I believe that through comradery, empathy, and mutual understanding we can find that there is more than enough room in the world for all kinds, we just need to be respectful of each other. As for how it should begin, it has already begun, but I think a big step that needs to be taken is recognizing gender dysphoria as a mental illness and researching treatment options other than cosmetic transition, and making more spaces with trans inclusion in mind. But im much more worried for the trans man who has to change his tampon in the dangerous men's room than I am about the trans woman who needs to take a piss in the stall next to me and minds her own business and washes her hands when she is finished.

[kawaii-spider]

My Stance on Different Issues

If you want an idea of where I stand on different issues, give this post a read. I'm pinning it and will try to remember to edit it as I feel it's needed.

If you have any questions though, feel free to ask!

LGBT Issues

I'm transsexual and bisexual. Naturally I support gay rights and trans healthcare, but that doesn't mean I agree with every idea that comes out of LGBT spaces.

Transsexual vs Transgender

I prefer the term transsexual, because transgender has become a massive umbrella that really doesn't mean much. It can refer to someone like me who transitions from male to female or vice versa, but it can also refer to someone who doesn't do anything except change their pronouns. Worse still, I find "transgender" is often associated with certain ideological beliefs I disagree with... so I simply feel misrepresented when someone uses the word to describe me.

I also find the word transsexual a bit empowering, because my dysphoria is caused by my sex, I'm transitioning my sex, and the word itself seems to acknowledge this. I get that the word has a history, but I'm interested in reclaiming it.

Bisexual vs Pansexual

If someone only identifies as pansexual because they're attracted to trans people, I'd say that's transphobic. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, but bisexuality does include trans people and I'd say you've been led astray if you believe otherwise.

Apart from that, I try not to judge too much. Overall I don't see how it's different enough from being bisexual to deserve its own word, but you do you.

Misgendering & Neopronouns

Misgendering is bad because it teaches other people that someone is the wrong gender. It's especially frustrating for transsexual people to deal with, because we already struggle to be seen as the correct gender, which aggravates our dysphoria, and trying to teach people who we are can feel like an uphill battle when some dunderhead insists on misgendering us.

With that said, it should come as no surprise that I don't consider it misgendering to not use someone's neopronouns. If someone is going for androgyny, there's nothing objectively wrong with using they/them over their preferred xi/xir. Pronouns are meant to serve a practical purpose, while nicknames are meant to be fun.

Nonbinary Identities

If someone only considers themselves nonbinary because they don't relate to masculine or feminine gender norms, then I view the idea as regressive. Gender norms have nothing to do with being a man or a woman, so I don't believe people can just opt out by calling themselves nonbinary.

When it comes to nonbinary people who do transition, I try to keep an open mind. I do think opting out may be possible if you can pull off androgyny well enough.

Detransitioners

I support detransitioners so long as they aren't being transphobic. I think there's too much stigma around detransition and we should support people going through that process, because regardless of their reasoning, that process is more similar to transition than anything a cis person will ever go through.

Feminism

I'm a proud feminist and would say I'm personally affected by women's issues for the most part. While there are things I'm not affected by, it's probably safe to assume I support the common sense stuff like abortion rights.

Radical Feminism and TERFs

My relationship with radical feminism is a bit complicated since it's largely been taken over by TERFs. I do often agree with radfems when they shut up about trans people, but I'm just not interested in engaging with those communities while they're overrun by terminally online fauxminists who seem to hate trans women more than they care about cis women.

So while I could potentially be considered a radical feminist, I'm going to choose not to engage with radical feminism on tumblr.

Gender Abolition

I'm not interested in abolishing the categories of "man" and "woman," because I find them necessary in describing the unique challenges faced by people due to their sex. However, I do find gender roles oppressive and would like society to reach a point where people can do anything they want without having their behaviors judged as "masculine" or "feminine."

Sex Work

I think the ideal would be to reach a point where women don't feel the need to commodify their bodies. So while I'd say I'm supportive of sex workers, I'm against legalizing sex work.

Mental Health

I'm diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and an anxiety disorder. I also struggled a lot with dysphoria-induced depression as a teen and have seen mental health issues hurt people I care about, so I'd say this is something I take fairly seriously and care about.

Self-Diagnosis

I'm against self-diagnosis, because plenty of conditions can mimic the symptoms of another and even mental health professionals can't diagnose themselves due to bias. When it comes to treating a problem, it's important to find the right treatment... so I feel like people who diagnose themselves are doing themselves a disservice.

I think it's fine for someone to suspect having something and to make use of coping strategies they find helpful, but I don't think it's healthy to tell themselves they have a disorder without a diagnosis.

[viciouslyrobotic]

Rambles

I recently read a cherp prompt that described one of their characters, who they have as a trans man, as having *my body type*, and yet I reacted with suspicion and disgust about it like it's a bad thing to rp that. Even though I'm in a position where I know I "pass" because my cis older brother has a wasp waist- a teacher we've known since elementary said that once, and I'll never get that out of my head. My cis little brother also has a similar body type to ours. We just have that cinch, and we look incredibly alike to the point I've been mistaken for them by people who know one of my brothers or our family. Which, yes, makes me very lucky as a trans man. I have two walking validations for my presentation as a man.

So it's part observation, part musing,

but there's this undercurrent of body policing in an attempt to weed out chasers/fetishists of trans people in rp that comes from a real place that I keep noticing. That same attempt to weed out overlaps with the "pass" phenomenon where we try to excise any hint of femininity to be perceived as men because the gender binary is weaponized against us. Thus, perceived femininity is tagged as a mark of a "fake" and that is going to bring feelings of shame.

Another anecdote; An ex of mine talked badly of his wider hips and I perceived that as him being ashamed of them, that he was less of a man because of it but he, like my brothers, is a living example of cis men with "feminine" hips.

That ex was also a fetishist and pos for other reasons, and part of his fetish *could* be the factor of feminine traits being taboo for men as masculine traits are taboo for women but I digress; we aren't all Marilyn Monroe Types But Trans and that goes for cis men, too, in a way. Cis men just don't have to fret as much about that comparison because it isn't as severe a condemnation of their gender as it is for trans men and it's honestly not a comparison they really ever have to worry let alone think about because male beauty standards are different.

At the same time though, these perceived "fake" trans men with wide hips in rp spaces could be played by real trans men seeking those who don't treat us like a fetish to safely rp a character *with their own body type* much like I do because representation matters to us as individuals. Assuming that because the body type is hourglass/wasp-waisted they're more likely to be a fetishicizer or faker is kind of fucked up and at least to me seems to be reinforcing that perceived feminine traits are bad/shameful and makes someone *less* of their gender. I also LIKE my hips and thighs by the way, but because of the way femininity is treated regarding trans men, it's Wrong for me to *Like* what should Invalidate Me and Worse for me to admit that. But I grew up with not one but two(2) validations, so maybe that's why I find my hips and thighs to be my most attractive quality and like about myself as a man because at least at home that was never treated as Wrong for my brothers to have.

I agree that there *should* be overall better body diversity in trans male representation because we aren't all That Shape- but this undercurrent of negativity I keep noticing that's specific to my body type keeps nagging at me. So I'm rambling to the void about it. This also isn't meant as an opposition to other body types because bulky, fat, rectangle, etc shaped trans men deserve representation- especially those of color. The Skinny White Trans Boy tends to be ppl's assumption and *not* being skinny, white, or both is weaponized against those who don't fit this narrative.

[daemonhxckergrrl]

against my better judgement i'm jumping on. thought i'd (mostly) left discourse behind but that's not been the case since predstrogen got harrassed across multiple sites.

honest thoughts play-by-play. here we go.

title: oki, hoping this is a good faith post. i'll admit i'm skeptical, but i'll try be objective.

passing: yeah passing is bs and nonsense. the goalposts will always move bc it's about excluding all of us, not about actually meeting critera to pass.

feminine trans men: this is another common issue - cisnormative society can't handle being trans and gnc.

escaping misogyny: ugh yeah i've seen this take far too many times. y'all deserve better.

aren't oppressed: you're oppressed by a society that's transphobic. that's literally what transphobia is.

transmisogynystic problems: who's saying this ? i've seen transmisogynistic takes (and sometimes plain misogynistic takes) couches as "trans men's problems". kinda sus of this.

reduced to genitals: again, common issue and it sucks. biological essentialists, chasers, transmeds, doesn't matter. not hard to be normal about any of us. y'all deserve better.

inherently toxic: there's a problem w/ masculinity being seen as inherently toxic within queer spaces. if it's about that then yeah 100%. however "just being themselves" is vague and i've seen an increased performance of actually toxic masc stuff described that way too. i hope you mean the former.

seen and heard: i sorry what ? yeah this sounds exactly like the kind of stuff used to shut transfems down when we try to bring up transmisogyny, especially that which we face from other queers.

transandrophobia: yeah sorry it doesn't exist. you're not oppressed for being men. you're oppressed for being trans. there's no intersection here. transphobia sucks. it makes life more dangerous for all of us. i had a feeling this post was building to a point like this.

T and surgery: yeah this is that "masculinity bad" thing internalised in a lot of queer spaces. you deserve better.

discouraging T and surgery: see above.

bottom surgery: see above.

bottoms: there's that bioessentialism again. mirrors comptop for transfems (which, I learned by my own experience, isn't exclusive to cis partners. my ex expected me to top 90% of the time, and got to bc he hated arguments and didn't have to prep like i would).

fetishising cis gay men: fuck, people think this ? again, y'all deserve better.

transmasc artists: lmao what ?? people are saying this too ?? is this like an oddly-specific thing ? huh. yeah that sucks

uplifting transfems: who's saying this ??? doesn't look good when combined w/ the earlier stuff about "we get called transmisogynists just for existing"

masculine dangerous: yeah, here's that "masculinity in queer spaces" thing i was on about. something the queer community in general needs to work on. it's the same thing that gets femme transfems still called predators for being 'inherently male' or whatever, and what gets butch and masc transfems that but doubled bc we're wearing our masculinity. y'all ain't any more dangerous than we are.

feminine safe: passably feminine-presenting. clocky fems don't get the same treatment. but most of what needs saying is in the previous point.

women's bathroom: common ground issue and y'all deserve better. tbf is unsafe in both.

run of the mill: it literally is though. this is here as a way to shut down replies like mine. good job crying transandrophobia on your own post, at least, but like are you for real ?

transmisogyny: i would hope you didn't think it was fake or mattered less, and i'll take you at your word here.

wanting oppression: ah, another way to shut down replies like mine. wanting to be oppressed is something white middle class swifties do for the ~ a e s t h e t i c ~ so i wouldn't accuse you of that. nor of wanting attention. i'm not gonna accuse you of being a transmisogynist but i am going to ask you take what i've said in good faith. and think about it. because some of the points you're making are very close to ones transmisogynists make against us.

OP and anyone who reads all of this..tell the tranny to fuck off if you wish. stalk my blog for callout ammo (bc as we all know having kinks that personally squick you, or daring to talk about our own oppression, or expressing sexuality in any way is Immoral and Therefore Problematic and makes us Acceptable Targets of Harrassment (/s in case that wasn't incredibly obvious)). call me a baeddel. or....listen.

consider what i've said, consider your own response. we can listen to each other. we can uplift each other.

You Might Not Be Normal About Trans Men If...

You think we all pass 100% of the time with no issues or effort

You don't think feminine trans men are "real" trans men

You assume we're all transitioning to escape misogyny

You think we aren't oppressed by society

You think our problems are inherently transmisogynistic

You think it's okay to reduce us to our genitals for any reason

You think masculine trans men being themselves are inherently toxic

You think us demanding to be seen and heard and have space within our own community is us being "MRAs" and "transmisogynists"

You think transandrophobia (the idea that trans men experience oppression based on their specific intersection of transness and gender) doesn't exist or inherently is transmisogynistic

You're only okay with trans men if they don't go on T and/or get surgery

You actively try to discourage trans men from going on T and/or getting surgery

You think the previous two points don't include bottom surgery

You think all trans men are bottoms

You think gay trans men are fetishizing gay cis men

You think all transmasc artists are inherently cringe/bad at what they do

You think transmascs only exist to uplift transfems

You think anyone presenting as masculine is inherently dangerous

You think that only men/masculine presenting people can be dangerous

You think that women/feminine presenting people are always safe

You don't think trans men are in danger when forced to use the women's restroom

You think that any oppression/discrimination transmascs face is "run of the mill transphobia" or "run of the mill misogyny"

You think anything I've said on this post means that transmisogyny isn't real or matters less

You're about to leave a comment on this post accusing me of being a transmisogynist or wanting attention or wanting to be oppressed

[free-angelz]

Really thinking about my place within and without gender

So the gender role of a woman, I absolutely do not recognize myself as that, I don't relate, I don't identify as that. It's also absolutely a role implemented by colonization and living in America from an immigrant family.

This doesn't mean that I can't be feminine, that I can't be part of the little village of women within my community and my culture who help maintain and upkeep our traditions and our customs. It doesn't mean I can't be soft, that I can't wear things that are traditionally feminine, that I can't perform femininity. I think to me, it means finding something outside of the gender norm, purposefully, intentionally. It means embracing my own, inherent, masculinity. Whether it be from my hyper independence, my brashness, my personal power, ambition, rage, and fierceness, even that doesn't define womanhood or masculinity to me. I simply see them as things that make up "me" and that is meant to be expanded upon, not contained. Not controlled,, zero, and open expectations and experiences. It means living outside of what the world thinks and tells me that I should be. It means not getting pregnant, but still having a family, not being a mother, but still being a guardian and a protector of the young people in my life. It still means caretaker, it still means helper, it still means beauty, and love. Nurturer.

I think the only thing I would want to physically change about myself is my chest, and the appearance of my chin. But I also think that these are things that I am able to live with, there is no sense of urgency anymore. It's only my upper parts, the ones that are there for all to see, that I think I have issues with. Whether it be dysmorphia, or dysphoria, a mix of both perhaps, it is the aesthetic indicators of my life that I am dissatisfied with, that I wish were slightly toned down. But maybe the issue isn't me, it's the way society views me, for simply being born with things that literally do not end up defining me at all. It is the thing that I am so scared of openly fighting back against, and changing in some way.

The little things help a lot. The hair cuts, the dye jobs, my tattoos, my piercings. The more queer I become on the outside, the better me I am. The more "me" I am allowed to express, the more I enjoy it. This is something that I think my cis counterparts just can't always seem to grasp. I think it's hard for them ,and especially cis men, to fully wrap their heads around it, and understand that at the end of the day, I'm me. I know what I want, and I know who I am. I know who I can become. And I will achieve it someday, whether they like it or not.

I think it brings into question this new little affair that I've been having with this guy. It brings me a rush, it brings me a lot of mental confusion, it sends me off into the world of idealistic romance, that can ultimate be reduced back down to "I want love, and this person is right here, right now, so I must pursue, and even go to the lengths of diminishing myself even to make him see me". And that is SO SO wrong. Is it wrong of me to diminish my loud crazy, eccentric, unique ass self, just to be loved, and especially by a man like hello? All he really gives me is sex and convos. I can literally get that from anyone. I guess I am just at odds because I haven't approached a man in a long time until now. I am the one who allows him into my space, and my heart says I love it lol

My mind instantly goes to that safe place, where it's romantic, and he's there, and we have these faux romantic conversations that will literally not happen irl, and it's like this beautiful fake dream and scenario. And I get toxic as fuck. I diminish myself for him to be the one to save me and take me out of it, I tell myself that I don't deserve literally the bare minimum of someone loving me and wanting to help me and support me. I act like he is this person on a pedestal, and that's so wrong because Axlov could be ANY man I attach myself to. I did it with Gavin, I did it with literally every single male crush I ever had. And while I have also done this with girlfriends and friends to a degree, I think it is important and specific to acknowledge this dynamic with men who have come and gone into my life. It's sick to me. They're all just place holders for this weird space that I think needs to be filled by them when that's not true. It feels like it's an excuse for me to self harm, it's an excuse for me to escape into my mind, it's an excuse for me to think that someone loving me in this fake world, or even the real one, is going to fix my problems, especially when I know how to be healthy. I know how to change, grow, fall and get back up. It just doesn't make sense to me that I am so enthralled like this. SO instantly.

[youturningintodust]

I’m sick of the fact that just being this person causes us to immediately be viewed as less innocent, or incapable of ever being innocent in the first place.

I don’t want to go home to some partner who is supposed to be safe for me, who instead views me in the same way, and has a fetish about being with someone as supposedly un-innocent as me.

…

It’s why we struggle to get respect in society or work. It’s why we aren’t trusted around our own kids, or in teaching or care jobs. It’s why if a more-feminine/not-butch woman sexually harasses or even abuses a butch, they will likely believe that it was the butch that did it and not her, purely based on our looks alone.

We’re treated as men-lite when it comes to being seen as predators, but ugly, weird women when it comes to receiving sexism and misogynistic abuses from men, risking physical danger, etc.

Why the FUCK would I ever want to tolerate being even further harmed and traumatized by gender conforming cis people? In the way that living with a fetishizing partner AUTOMATICALLY WOULD?

What the hell. Why can’t gender conforming cis people ever stop and consider our actual needs and experiences for once, rather than being this disgustingly selfish?

No, I’m not your fetish, and I don’t want to be any part of it.

…

Is it too much to ask? I just want a grown adult woman who wants a butch/femme relationship and can respect herself and me as equals. That’s it. None of these power games.

Especially not when it’s they who are the ones who ACTUALLY have the societal power and are higher in the hierarchy than us, for being gender conforming when we literally are unable to be.

The reversal insults all of our lived experience, and is a MAJOR slap in the face! No, we are not big scary power figures. Or cis man stand-ins. YOU are the cis gender conforming person in the room. Remember your privilege and have some respect for what it means.

…

Brandon Teena was assaulted and killed by cis men for the so-called crime of being himself, someone known to be afab and look and live masculinely, and with a feminine woman. We put ourselves into great danger just to be not just who we are, but just to be with you. Respect that danger by not framing us AS the danger. The vulnerability of our position deserves the space and decency to be remembered and understood.

Context MATTERS. Spare us your BS.

It feels like both abusive exploitation and some weird enjoyment of lies. It’s a lie that we’re more societally powerful in some way and yet they are so attracted to roleplaying it with us. Just. Ugh. WTF.

Why would roleplaying a lie that doesn’t exist help me? Some BDSM fantasy shit doesn’t change real-world power. It just reminds me indirectly of the harsh reality that actually is. And what I could go through IRL just for living. No, it doesn’t make me feel macho and tough, pride in my masculinity, or whatever. Only softness and kindness can really, meaningfully do that.

But that doesn’t get their callous selves off.

[pillarsalt]

hi sorry I've never been in any radfem spaces and I find some things you talk about difficult to understand. it seems you think that the non binary identity is somehow harmful to women. how so? and what do you think about trans women? would you call yourself a terf? sorry for asking you all these questions, feel free to ignore me. I'm just curious

Hi! First of all, thanks for reaching out. I'd like to start by saying that my beliefs are totally my own and I don't claim to represent what radfems believe in general. Secondly, I had a lot to say, so I'm gonna put this under a cut.

My thing is, I don't believe in gender identity. You could call me a gender atheist. Gender roles exist as expectations imposed on people of either biological sex, male and female. You know the drill: women like makeup and are submissive, men are tough and like trucks, etc etc. I hate that shit. I think any person should be able to act any way, dress any way, do certain activities regardless of their sex (I do often critique aspects of socially imposed femininity like makeup and shaving because I believe it's demeaning and restrictive to women.) The part that people don't like: I don't think that adopting the social roles of the opposite sex make you that sex. There is no thing as brain sex - it's been disproven; and the concept of gender identity has as much weight in reality as any religion (which is to say none.)

SO. To get to your first question: I think nonbinary identities rely on sexist stereotypes of women. Commonly, women start to identify as nonbinary because they don't feel a connection with the gender roles imposed on women and think that they are therefore not women. This is terrible to me! Women can be anything, do anything, look like anyone. Nonbinary identities separate us as a sex class when we could be uplifting and supporting each other as women. What I wish for nonbinary-identified women is that they could get to know and talk to other women so that they can see they are not alone in feeling unrepresented by society's bullshit definition of womanhood. All you have to do to be a woman is be female, the rest of your life is up to you and you only.

On the subject of transwomen: Transwomen are male people who have adopted the gender roles imposed on women. Transwomen of colour and those who work in prostitution do face homophobic violence for rejecting male visual gender roles and deserve shelter, support, and respect (white transwomen are statistically safer from violence than both "cis" women and men.) I think anyone has the right to dress how they want, go by any name they want, and in personal situations I'll use preferred pronouns as a courtesy. That said, they aren't female, and they aren't included in female-only spaces. Female people (women) are oppressed on the basis of our sex and have the right to safe spaces away from males.

I'm not sure where to fit this in but I am against any kind of cosmetic surgery or non-medical hormone treatment. It's completely unethical to fuck with people's healthy bodies for any reason. Discomfort/distress that originates in the brain should be treated in the brain, there are many non-trans-identified dysphoric people who can prove that this works. This goes also for non-gender-related cosmetic surgery as well, tear the cosmetic surgery industry to the ground.

Would I call myself a TERF? Only as a joke! Radical feminism is for all women, only men are excluded. I've seen the term "MERF" (male-exclusionary radical feminist) around, but that's redundant, you could say that just by saying "radical feminist". In any case, I'm new-ish to participating in feminism and not just reading about it, so I'm not even sure I'd call myself a radfem yet. I have a lot more learning to do and women to talk to first. Definitely would say I'm rad-leaning though.

Thanks again for the great questions. I love getting this kind of thing in my inbox instead of "suck dick terf" for once lmao. If you have any more questions or want me to elaborate on something, feel free to send another. You can also DM me - I would never expose someone for their interest in feminism. Have a great day!

[gwemmieee]

This is both right and wrong. In my 29 years of life I have been in every single role in this scenario and I have a LOT of thoughts. I have been that perceived man who was adjacent to queer spaces who wanted to feel accepted, and I have been the several-times-over victim of men who wanted me as their property to use and control, even if they didn't fully realize it themselves, who desperately needs a potentially permanent hiatus from that particular experience. And I've got shit to learn y'all about.

First off, let's stop making assumptions about people or groups based on their demographics, PERIOD. FULL STOP. The answer to "this space won't welcome me because I'm not queer enough for them" is NOT to demand that every welcoming space prove how welcome they are by adopting a man who might hurt them.

The fact is, most cis straight white men aren't equipped to properly accommodate or show up for queer people. I know that's not gonna be a popular thing to say here, but it's a fact. We all know it is.

But that has nothing to do with whether you should accept someone who appears to be a cis straight white man. Statistics don't apply to the individual. When you're evaluating any given individual or group and your opinion of them, what their demographics look like should NOT be a huge factor in that evaluation. You'll just get hurt and cause harm doing that.

But at the same time, you need to be aware of what those statistics imply. When you are courting friendship with a man, you need to remember that the kindest, safest man you know can be a manipulative chaser in sheep's clothing, and by the time you find that out the hard way, it can be too late to get yourself out of that dangerous situation.

I've been on both sides of this hurt.

I've been the perceived man who wasn't allowed to learn about my own queer identity and heritage as a trans woman because the queer spaces I had access to in college were more involved with policing and keeping me isolated, and had zero tolerance for my ignorance. This seems to happen a lot with specifically college-aged marginalized people TBH, not so much when we grow up more later.

But since coming out, I've also multiple times been the abused woman who decided to accept and welcome any man who seemed like a good person and was "rewarded" with more closeness than I ever bargained for and codependency and manipulation, all because I was too nice to say no to anything that I wasn't reasonably certain would lead to me being harmed. And I have a lot of queer and feminine friends who have countless of the same story. I've also multiple times been the let-down trans woman who expected to be treated like a woman in every way by my existing close male friends, but whenever it was inconvenient for them, they kept on treating me like a fellow man who in their view was supposed to have a thick skin for harmful bullying behavior and who is never supposed to need any help with anything that men should be able to do by themselves, and every time each of these men realized I needed more assistance and sensitivity to feel safe around them, they threw me away like I was trash.

The fact is that queer spaces don't always have any cis straight white men in them BECAUSE THEY KEEP HURTING US. Most of all this post above me comes off as bragging about privilege, because having access to a better man who rises above the bare minimum that society puts on him to instead meet the much higher bare minimum that is being a good person, is in fact a privilege. Queer folks and women cannot just *decide* to have a man like that in our lives. Believe me, I've tried.

At worst, this post above me comes off as ignoring dangerous situations and promoting harm in queer spaces. I've been in a lot of queer spaces that tried so hard to accommodate a shitty man that the entire space became less welcoming and more toxic and harmful for everyone else. It just takes one asshole and suddenly everyone in the group can feel like it's OK to bully and discourage each other from expressing themselves in any way that's "too weird" or "annoying". No, your queer space is not automatically a healthy and welcoming one just because one of your members is a cis straight dude.

Queer feminine spaces with no men that are still accepting of all people and all forms of queerness exist. I'm in one. I need to be in more of them. All it takes is being a good person who just so happens to *lack* the privilege that is access to a man who doesn't choose to abuse his power dynamics over us.

Just because I'm sapphic doesn't mean I'm anything like the queer spaces I knew in college that kept me out and kept me isolated and delayed my own self-actualization by using our shared marginalization and trauma as an excuse to be shitty to others.

There is a world of difference between silently thinking to yourself "I need to take a break from going out of my way to get closer with someone of your demographic because I've been hurt too many times", and straight up being mean or manipulative or isolationist in ways that hurt other human beings because you've already decided to ONLY see them as their dempgraphic. The latter sucks. I know! I lived it! But some of us just need safe spaces. The real villains, be they toxic queer spaces or the abusive men they hate, are the people who use their trauma as an excuse to be shitty to others instead of growing past it, and the people who consciously abuse their higher positions in power dynamics.

Signed, a simple sapphic who doesn't hate men but definitely needs to stay away from them until further notice. (But I'm obviously still welcoming to all questioning folks even though they might ultimately wind up identifying as cis men, because frankly that's just part of being sapphic.)

If you can't see other people as full people before you choose to harm them in any way other than self-defense, then you don't deserve any positive term or community.

If you can't see other people as full people before you choose to harm them in any way other than self-defense, then you don't deserve any positive term or community.

Celebrate welcoming queer spaces that accept everyone without focusing so hard on their demographics. Vilify any spaces that dehumanize and hurt others. Normalize seeing people for who they are instead of their superficial appearances.

It's not queer if it hates men and it's not queer if it pretends we have to *not* hate an abusive man.

I'm kind of at a point where the "queer spaces" i feel safest in are the ones that have a pet cishet dude or two hanging around

[possibilistfanfiction]

I'm more annoyed that privileged players didn't speak up on Christen's behalf when her complaints were swept under the rug. I'm positive that all the players in the NWSL and the National Team knew about the abuse and mistreatment of Christen and other players. If a privileged player like Alex Morgan had spoken up, there would've been an uproar, immediate firing of the abuser, and change would've happened much sooner.

i mean i see ur point but tbh this is way way off the mark for me. facts first, we have no idea if cp ever wanted ANY of this to be public, let alone which teammates she told in 2014 & subsequently in 2018; i guarantee that she & tobin, another high profile white player, had a ton of convos abt this which i trust were very loving & supportive & tobin never said a word. we have absolutely no idea what role press wanted any of her teammates to play, & the fact that she herself never came forward publicly with any of this until last year is very telling. beyond that, it shouldn’t require a(n even more) famous teammate saying she believes you for the people who are supposed to protect you to do something.

which brings me to the MUCH bigger point in that it’s 100% the fault of the coaches & everyone who protected them. people in power, especially men, who abuse it are the people i’m angry at. women, even those with say & influence like alex, feeling scared or not speaking out is, imo, kind of a misdirection of anger. tobin didn’t speak out either, & there is quite literally no one closer on the uswnt or in the world to cp than her (lol but u know). uswnt players on crs as the report notes also did corroborate what cp said abt rory.

so yah i mean i’m basically choosing to place blame on the systems that perpetuate deep harm, & the men, tbh, who did that harm. for women’s sport to change & for sport itself to change, the mentality of those in power has to shift deeply. i’ve worked w ussf & usys in the past year & at an upper level it hasn’t really changed much, even after the 2021 athletic report. i’m curious to see how they/if actually respond to this

& i think i just mean at a deeper level it’s pretty simple to connect the lack of bodily autonomy + subsequent abuse in us womens sport, especially soccer (overall an extremely privileged space to gain entry to, both domestically & globally) with, like at a surface level, what’s happening w spain��s nt. but beyond that, of course it’s about women & dfab ppl having say over their bodies — what we wear; how we move; who we want, & don’t want, to touch us; how we deserve to be spoken to; the spaces we go to for work, or school, or to have fun — that’s what’s at stake, & those are the things that continue to be harmed.

globally the issues are on an even more violent & terrifying scale, if you look at iran, india, even roe being overturned in the us — it isn’t safe to be anything but a cis man, anywhere. there’s 100% more that we could all be doing, & players like alex, players like tobin, can & probably should speak out more. but the issue isn’t individual women speaking out, or being believed or not being believed. it’s a system of white supremacy that deeply & violently continues to harm women & dfab ppl everywhere, in horrendously awful ways, that is making me angry & sad. to see it laid out in 172 pages, & to know a player (& person) i rly admire played basically in hell for like five years is deeply disheartening, obviously.

but i think the more we focus on the systemic issues & like, honestly, bringing in the questions of: ‘what does abolition look like? what does justice — transformative & restorative — look like?’ to sport, just like we do to our own politic, to communal care around covid, to disability justice, queer spaces, international solidarity & radical movements, etc — that’s the only way real change will happen. i care much less about one coach being fired — men, under this violent system of patriarchy & white supremacy, will always feel entitled to women’s bodies, to women’s lives. we see it everywhere, all the time; we see it on the streets in iran & we see it on the biggest stages in pro sports. one coach being fired, or one uproar even, doesn’t do anything to shift entire systems, ways of thought, & ecosystems of healing: even after complaints into 2021, lisa baird was still trying to make sure riley didn’t quit!!

so anyway, sure, alex, pinoe, becky, kelley, tobin — any of those players could & possibly should have spoken up in support. but i have no idea what conversations they as a collective had, or individually had with christen. it seems to me pretty futile to hold any deep anger with individual players & not with those in positions of power that, for at least 20 years in pro leagues in the us, have perpetuated abuse and/or protected abusers. & in terms of global solidarity, this isn’t at all a different fight. i do think, as one of my deepest core beliefs, that we protect us — because it’s clear that those in power won’t. but that responsibility, space, & ability looks different for a lot of people. i’m angry with people who blatantly disregard & continue to perpetuate harm, especially in this situation

anyway here’s charli loafing about in her new puppy couch (memory foam), keeping us all sane

[trans-advice]

I'm afraid to transition to a man because, I'm not saying all men are sexist, but I feel that I am. I feel that I don't deserve to be a guy, and that I'm not going to be appreciated as much because I might be sexist. When I was younger, like 5 years ago, I had no idea what trans was, and was completely comfortable as a girl, and I thought it was weird if you wanted to change your gender, but I didn't know the depth of it. I'm a minor in an anti-LGBTQ household, and I don't know anyone IRL to

(cont) (i can't trust anyone). I'm now going through puberty for about 2 years, and all the wrong changes are happening, and I already have my period. I keep getting told to "grow up" and "be a young lady" and it hurts. I'm not out yet and can't move out for a while. There are not many resources where I live (not in the U.S.) I feel completely crushed by all this, sometimes I just want to get away. Sorry for the little rant, please respond, I desperately need someone to talk to. river he/they/ae

Sorry it took so long to get back to you River.

So okay, firstly, different people figure out their trans at different ages & that's nothing to be held against you or the rest of us.

Secondly, while we should all be combatting sexism (especially our own), I'm not exactly sure how trying to live as a gal will make you less sexist especially since you've already been designated one & you still say you're sexist. Personally I thought I could sabatoge patriarchy from the inside but then I was like wait since when have I ever been in positions of power to do such double agenting.

You're a trans guy, so you're going to have to learn how to be a feminist & anti-sexist as a trans guy. I will say though a lot of cis men's rights types don't handle sexism that well so listen to cis & trans women, nonbinary people, and maybe trans guys for insight.

That being said, I recommend you read "Testosterone Rex" by Cordelia Fine. I suspect it will help you navigate sexism & the power of FTM HRT. Beware though that various transphobes like that author even though the author is pro-trans & anti-transphobe. So, if you look up book recommendations online based on that book then you're more likely to find transphobic authors. Also beware of book clubs involving Cordelia Fine's books for similar reasons, you need to read the room to figure out whether it's safe or unsafe.

Regardless, here's info about testosterone HRT since that seems to be part of your ask

Thirdly, I'm not quite sure what resources to give not merely because you're non-u.s. but because of how big the world is. If I knew which country, then I wouldn't feel as overwhelmed in trying to find you something. I trust you when you say your place doesn't have a lot of resources, but it'd be easier to navigate.

Fourthly, transitioning, whether social, legal, medical, they all require power such as having your consent be respected & having people to stand up for you & or with you. So it can take a long time to transition due to getting enough power to have your bodily autonomy respected. I suspect making community online, figuring out other people to live with, etc, will be important in yours. But again, IDK all the parts of your situation.

I suggest meeting up with people as much but respect safety needs in a pandemic, wear a mask, social distance, ventilate your spaces, wash your hands, get vaccinated. Also do this online, but if you're offered IRL connections that respect that we're in a pandemic then go for it.

The idea is to get time away from anti-lgbtq people & or get more connections than just your family, AKA network. It's like how if you go thru different books at a library during your research how your then more likely to find what you need instead of rereading the same pages over & over again.

It also needs to be known that by being more often out in the community how you'll be seen as less as an outsider which not being seen as an outsider is important when you're marginalized. This is also why it's helpful to be with someone when you're going out, but again work with what you got.

You had a 3rd ask, but I'm going to make that a separate post because while I hope our readers will give some insights on that, they generally don't contribute when we've covered a lot of ground on other parts of the ask.

You did ask for pronoun validations & so I hope to help you out with that here at least:

What can I say about River. He's awesome. They're resourceful. Ae is welcome. His family doesn't quite respect them. Fortunately, River respects aerself. We can hope in the future they will meet more people, those who respect aer, those who are like aer, those who keep them safe & want good things for him as ae actually is. It might take a while for him to get that power to live aers life as they want that to be. Survival can be tricky, but this life is theirs to live. I wish aer a very good life. I wish I could give them & others like him more than this.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[thedeadflag]

I’m so confused! I know it’s not your responsibility to educate me but in your post bringing awareness to the negative aspects of g!p fanfic you say

“Why do these g!p characters rarely if ever involve experiences reflective of trans/intersex women? Why are they so utterly cis and perisex-washed? Why do nearly all writers have zero idea that tucking is a thing? “

Doesn’t that answer your original question? The reason they don’t reflect those groups of ppl is bc g!p isn’t trying to represent those groups of people or else it WOULD be transphobic to limit them to one specific fetish right? it just refers to a canonically female character with the addition of a penis (I don’t argue the name “g!p” should be changed bc that’s a no brainer why that could be offensive). But the fanfic in general, how could it be harmful? I’ve noticed in my time reading it as a non binary person it’s given me great gender euphoria reading a reader insert where reader has a penis while being a femme representing person just bc that’s a reflection of my personal experience. I don’t see anywhere where g!p fanfic ever references or tries to emulate the experiences of trans or intersex people so how could it be offensive?

Sorry this is way too long I’m just very confused

I'm going to try and lay this out as politely as I can. It's after 3:30 in the morning here, so this could be a bit disjointed and rambling. More under the cut:

In real life, ~99.999999% of women with penises are trans women. Which puts us in a tricky situation of (A) being the only women with penises around for media involving women with penises to reflect back on, and (B) being in the lovely position of precious few people actually having had meaningful real life exposure to trans women, meaning (C.) all those stigmas and all that misinformation are going to purely affect us and it’s going to be uncritically gobbled up by the masses, since they don’t have any meaningful information to fill in the blanks with instead.

When we peer into the depths of femslash fandoms and see all these folks who aren't trans women writing about women with penises, and using cis women’s bodies as platforms for these penises, it’s the simplest thing.

I mean, some of those folks might actually be struggling and confused about why they’re into it, what the real appeal is, why they get off on it, why they might have some feelings about wanting a penis of their own…

…but from our vantage point, it’s really easy to gauge 99.99% of the time. We can generally see valid, legitimate yearning to have a penis pretty damn easily in a piece of art/writing, and we can also see when people who create this media are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization.

And 99.9% of the time, the creators are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization, and see trans women’s bodies as a perfect vehicle to tap into that, generally due to deeply held cissexist views that link us and our bodies and genitals directly to cis men, to maleness. As if penises are rooted in maleness and masculinity (which is absolutely not true).

And I have sympathy for NB folks (certainly TME ones who have reached out to me in the past about this) who might be struggling with that, but just because they’re non-binary, it doesn’t mean they get to appropriate our bodies and reproduce transmisogyny and trans fetishization in their attempts at feeling better. Shit doesn't work like that.

Because again, the only women with penises in this world, essentially, are trans women. Meaning any woman with a penis in media is a trans woman, implicitly or explicitly. Meaning that when people who aren’t us want to write us, intent doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s just the writer’s fantasy, it’s still going to attach a variety of messages directly onto us.

And more often than not, due to cissexism, those messages are linking us to maleness, to toxic masculinity, etc..

While I do want to believe they're a fairly small minority, a lot of NB folks in fandom spaces like g!p characters in part because they see penises as male and the rest of the body as female and think that duality is interesting and would be comfortable, and is a nice balance of “both worlds” or a nice position “between male and female”, but that’s a wholly cissexist, transmisogynistic view to have, and it’s one that absolutely cannot be supported without directing sexual violence against trans women and invalidating our entire existence. Certainly not all NB folks into g!p like it for that reason, but holy shit a fair bit of them do and it’s weird and wrong and fetishistic.

g!p emerged from the idea that women can't have penises, and drew on the transmisogyny and cissexism of tr*nny porn to structure that frame of desire and the core patterns and trends within these works. It's always been trans women's bodies being used as a vehicle, whether or not the writers of these fics are explicitly aware of it, because the trope itself still holds true to its original patterns and cissexism. It's not the name that's the problem, it's the content; changing the name would be a surface level change that wouldn't affect anything.

g!p objectifies women with penises (trans women). A woman with a penis is more than just a woman with a penis, but the use of the term and trope is literally to (A) remind people that women don't have penises, otherwise the g!p term wouldn't be needed if people actually accepted women with penises as women, and that (B) this is a story centered on a scenario where there's a woman with a penis, with key focus on that genitalia specifically. it's the drawing point, it's the lure, it's what everything is centered on. It is a means for folks to write lesbian sex while also writing about penis in vagina and getting off to it. It's also no surprise that the penises so clearly emulate cis men's penises in these works, that is by design.

As I’ve said many times before, if you’re only writing trans women’s bodies to showcase cis men’s penises, you’re not respecting the womanhood of trans women, and this ultimately has nothing inherent to do with penis-owning women, it has to do with (cis) men and their penises, because trans women are just being used as a vehicle to emulate them. When NB folks do the same thing, and imagining themselves as those g!p characters, they are ultimately embodying cis men, their maleness, and often toxic masculinity, in a way that feels safe and distanced enough for them, a shell that they often code as cisnormative due to their own unprocessed cissexism.

And trans women don’t deserve that.

You seem caught in the idea that if something doesn't directly perfectly reflect trans women, that it can't be linked to us., which ignores the long long history of media being used to misrepresent marginalized peoples and cast us in insulting, dehumanizing lights. You show a lack of understanding of the g!p trope and the long history of its usage across a few other names, even if the content and patterns remained the same. It shows a lack of understanding of tr*nny porn and transmisogynistic stigmas, which the trope draws heavily from.

I think we can all recognize that most 'lesbian' prn that's made does not represent actual lesbians, it's overwhelmingly catered to the male gaze. We can also recognize that this category of porn has led to a lot of harassment towards lesbians from cis men who at the very least want to believe lesbians are just like they are in the porn he watches, that lesbians just need the right man. Lesbians are being used as a vehicle for a fantasy that was created externally to them, and doesn't represent their realities.

It's the same kind of situation here. The way g!p fics play out overwhelmingly doesn't reflect trans women's realities, but they are inherently linked to us regardless, as we're the vehicles for those fantasies, as unrealistic and harmful as they may be.

g!p characters are built in our fetishized image that’s based on a deeply cissexist misunderstanding of us, of the gender binary, and of bodies in general.

I mean, when 99% of cis folks don’t understand how trans women tend to be sexually intimate… when they don’t understand what dysphoria is and how it works and how it can affect us physically and emotionally…when they don’t understand almost any of our lived experiences…then they’re not going to be able to accurately portray us even if they wanted to.

And I’ve read enough g!p fics where authors wrote those as a means of trying to add trans rep, but because they didn’t understand us at all, it wasn’t remotely representative, and it was ultimately fetishistic, even if there was an undercurrent of sympathy and a lack of following certain common g!p patterns there that differentiated it from the norm.

If g!p fics were at all about reducing dysphoria or finding euphoria, then it wouldn’t be explicitly tied up in the performance of very specific sex acts, very specific forms of misogyny and toxic masculinity, very specific forms of sexual violence and exertion of sexual power, etc.

But it is.

So the notion that creating g!p fics helps NB folks? Nope. It CAN certainly prevent/delay those folks from facing a whole boatload of shit they’ve internalized, and coddle them at the expense of trans women.

Because if it was really about bodies and dysphoria/euphoria, there would be a considerable push (allying with out own) to end our fetishization and to represent us in and out of sexual contexts with accuracy, respect, and care. Because they wouldn’t care what sex acts were performed and what smut beats were hit, they’d just want to see someone with a body like their ideal being loved, being sexual, connecting, being authentic, etc. Which very much is not the case in the overwhelming majority of g!p fics. That's what we want, and it's not what g!p writers want, it's nothing they give a shit about.

Like, a ways back I started doing random pulls of g!p fics from various fandoms and assessing them for certain elements to provide some quantitative clarity. I started on The 100 here, and did OuaT here. Never finished the 100 one since the results leveled out and stayed pretty consistent as the sample size grew, so I didn't really see the point in continuing any further after about 140 fics when the data wasn't really changing much at all.

Lastly, media influences people. I've read countless posts and comments from people who use fanfiction as a sex ed guide, in essence. Which is ridiculous, but I also know sex ed curricula often isn't very accurate or extensive in a lot of areas, so people take what they can get. Representation in media can be powerful, and when it overwhelmingly misrepresents people, that's also powerful. Just because fandom is a bit smaller than televised media, it doesn't make that impact any lesser, certainly not for those whose primary media intake is within fandom.

Virtually all trans representation in f/f fanfiction is misrepresentative of us. That has a cost in how people understand us, how people react to us, and how people treat us. Not just online, but in physical spaces, and in intimate settings.

I invite you to read that post you referenced again, or perhaps this longer one which is a response to a trans guy who seemed to feel something similar to you with this trope.

All I can do is lay it out there and try to explain this. It's up to you how you handle this. All I know is whenever there's a big surge in g!p in a fandom, trans women generally leave it en masse, because it's a very clear and consistent message that we're not valued, respected, and that people value getting off on us over finding community with us.

[waywardflowerturtle]

But you do care about their feelings, because those feeling will lead to all the things you are explicitly worried about: "Cis women will be uncomfortable with trans men in their restrooms," is the point.

They will feel uncomfortable and may verbally or physically assault trans men.

They will feel uncomfortable and may not assault trans men, but will whisper things like, "Why is that man in our women's space?"

They will feel uncomfortable and may leave the restroom to ask that the perceived invader be evicted from it.

The whole point of forcing trans people in the restroom of the gender they were assessed as having at birth is to put trans people into dangerous situations, in the hope that they will learn it is not safe for them to exist in public. In the hope that they will learn it is not safe for them to exist.

And it's sad and makes me cry just to think about it. To think that women are so indoctrinated into the patriarchal view that they need protection, that they will weaponise their perceived need for protection against anybody who makes them uncomfortable.

The rest of this post isn't for OP, but for the people who do believe what was quoted:

If you really don't want to share a restroom with trans people, but want them to be free to live their lives, then I recommend you start advocating for lockable, unisex restrooms with all the necessary features for privacy and safety for 1-2 people (because parents may need to help young children or change an infant/toddler).

Locks so that nobody can come in while you're answering nature's call, unisex so that everybody shares the same queue.

Anything other than that, or allowing people to use the restroom concordant with or closest to their personal identity, is advocating to put all trans people, all trans men and all trans women and every variety of nonbinary individual, into a dangerous situation every time they need to use the restroom outside of their own home.

We deserve better.

“forcing people to use the restroom of the sex they were assigned at birth is stupid because it’s going to force trans men into women’s restrooms where they’ll make cis women feel unsafe because they look like men” fucking shut up.

i don’t care. i don’t care about cis women feeling uncomfortable with trans men in “women’s spaces.” i could not care less about cis women’s feelings on the matter.

i care about the transmascs at risk of abuse and assault because of being forced into women’s restrooms. i care about the transmascs and butches and intersex people being put in danger because of these bills. i care about the fact that people who supposedly care about me and my transmasc and butch and intersex siblings are glossing over that cis women are just as capable of violence as anyone else, that we can, and have been, and will be assaulted by them because we’re “stepping out of line.”

i don’t want to hear about us being “safer.” i don’t want to hear about the poor cis women’s feelings, and i especially don’t want to hear it from other transmascs.

you don’t know what you’re talking about. do us both a favor and shut. up.

[wfuanthrotheory2022]

J.K. Rowling and the Performance of Gender

Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge the situation of J. K. Rowling’s controversy is incredibly multifaceted, and so for this short blog post I will be specifically focusing on only one part of it so as not to write ten thousand words. Secondly, I am writing with the belief that trans women are women (in the Western sense of the word) - therefore, “women” refers to all those who identify with the term, “cis women” refers to those who were assigned female at birth and continue to identify with that, and “trans women” refers to those who were not assigned female at birth but identify with the term women.

I am going to look at J.K. Rowling’s comments on whether trans women should be permitted in what she calls “women’s only spaces” through the lens of Butler’s “Performance Acts and Gender Constitution”. Like Slocum, Butler describes a fundamental difference between biological sex and gender, which she says is “in no way a stable identity” and is “instituted through a stylized repetition of acts” (519). Sex in these definitions refers to the biology of a person, and while Butler does not deny that gender in many cultures is influenced and informed by a person’s sex, the two do not universally equal each other - biology helps inform a person’s lived experience but a person is more than just their body (521). However, Butler acknowledges that there are social consequences for people who do not perform their gender “correctly” (522)- which we can see in the high rates of suicide, mental illnesses, homicide, and discrimination against the trans community. 

Rowling shares an emphasis on lived experience in common with Butler. In Rowling’s own writing on her views, she talks at length about the oppression that cis women (she specifies) experience and how that has fundamentally shaped her definition of “woman”. Rowling writes that she respects and cares for trans women, and believes that they deserve equal rights. However, she does not believe that trans women should be considering in the same “category” as cis women because, in her opinion, that opens the door for predatory cis men to pretend to be trans women in order to abuse cis women. It is clear that Rowling is writing from a deep-seated fear than stems from her own lived experiences with abuse by cis men. This absolutely should be sympathized with, but it is simultaneously true that gender (if you agree with Butler as I do) is not a natural truth - it is culturally constructed. Therefore, perhaps the answer that Rowling is looking for is structuring spaces based on sex, not gender. She does not acknowledge same-sex abuses, only those perpetuated by cis men agaisnt cis women, so by her logic if safe spaces were structured by what biology a person has this could be reduced. 

But Rowling also disagrees with gender inclusive language such as “people who menstruate” or “people with uteruses”. She feels that this is dehumanizing, which is sort of in common with Butler, who describes the performance of gender as “humanizing” (522). This controversy raises the question of if oppression and violence is a fundamental part of being a woman, and is there no way to reduce misogyny and violence against women that does not discredit the performance of gender by both cis women and trans women? 

Based on the reading of Butler, I would argue that what this shows is a movement to redefine what gender is in our society. The way Rowling grew up, she writes in her blog, having certain organs and hormones was part of the definition of “woman”, but in recent years the definition is becoming more individualized - “woman” means someone who identifies as such, and that person can choose entirely what being a woman looks like and means to them. Butler says that gender “is only real to the extent that it is performed” (527), so perhaps gender becomes less real if everyone performs it differently, but that might not necessarily be a bad thing. 

Similar to Rowling, most of the things I associate with what it means to be a woman are negative. But the trans women I have known find so much more positivity and gender euphoria in womanhood, which I find fascinating in a discussion of what gender is and how it is constructed. 

  Link to Rowling’s comments: https://www.jkrowling.com/opinions/j-k-rowling-writes-about-her-reasons-for-speaking-out-on-sex-and-gender-issues/