#Christ In Agony

[christisilluminati]

The Suffering and Sacrifice of Jesus: A Detailed Examination

The Physical Agony of Jesus: 36 Hours Without Rest:

By the time he was crucified Jesus had been up about 36 hours without any sleep. We know from biblical accounts that Jesus was an early riser. Since the Gospels recount numerous instances where he woke up early to pray, (Mark 1:35) we have no reason to believe he did anything different than that the day he had had his last meal with his disciples. He probably woke up early that morning, spent the day accordingly, and later had dinner with the disciples during the Last Supper in the upper room. (Luke 22:7-25)

He was then captured at the Garden of Gethsemane, (Matthew 26:36-50) and was led through the Old City of Jerusalem and underwent at least two trials. It was not until the next day, about daybreak, that he was hung on the cross and hung there throughout the day. Between the time he arose to the time he actually died on the cross a period of about 36 hours had passed with no rest and no sleep.

Maybe you haven’t thought about how far Jesus actually walked about the Old City of Jerusalem. We know he was led about from the Chiefs priests house to Harrods, and then to Pilots during the time he was being tried. And we know he was led about the Old City of Jerusalem. If you add it up, he walked about two and a half miles that last night. Also, as best as we can determine from historical records, Jesus carried his cross about a third of a mile, give or take, before he collapsed and wasn't able to carry it anymore. These are just a few of the physical strains that would have added up to cause stress to any individual.

Hematidrosis: The Rare Medical Condition Jesus Endured in the Garden of Gethsemane

The next thing I want to talk about is a phenomenon called Hematidrosis. This is a very rare medical phenomenon that has only been reported about 106 times in world medical literature. And is only seen in people who are under tremendous stress and agony. In Hematidrosis a person actually exudes blood from every sweat gland in their body. Each sweat gland has a small capillary that surrounds it. And in Hematidrosis, that small capillary ruptures. As it bursts. the person actually bleeds into their sweat glands. Instead of a perspiring sweat, they actually perspire blood. The Bible gives us an excellent description of this phenomenon, saying that Jesus sweat became as drops of blood. (Luke 22:44) Every pore of Jesus' body oozed and drained blood.

Jesus was a man just as any one of us. He had the Spirit of prophecy (Revelation 19:10) dwelling within him, and was in fellowship with the "Word." (Exodus 34:29, Matthew 17:2) He knew the terrible fate that lay ahead of him and knew the task he was handed to do, and the mission he had to fulfill. He knew he had to die as a subliminal God, that we needed to see SIN murder God. Still, he dreaded this agonizing death and torture that lay a few hours ahead of him, just as much as any of us would.

We know He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. “Father, if it'd be your will let this cup pass from me.” (Matthew 26:39) But he submitted his will to the Spirit within him. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was under as much anxiety and physical stress from an emotional standpoint that we could expect any human to experience, knowing that in a few hours he would be delivered over to one of the most agonizing and brutal deaths ever recorded in history.

Christ's Subliminal Power: A Prophetic Warning for Today

I can only imagine the comforting words Christ spoke to him, assuring him that his agony was almost over. This thought process is not something we talk about in religious organizations today, I know. I have just CLEARLY separated the Spirit from the man as two separate entities. Jesus also separated himself from Christ in the story of Mark 5. (Mark 5:19) I too can hear His AUDIBLE WORD, so I know Christ would have spoken to Jesus just as He did Samuel. Jesus' entire ministry was about THE WORD, and people thought he was crazy, which is what got him killed. Do you have any idea how long Christ has been heartbroken? How many times He has been thrown away? Over and over again. 

1 Samuel 8:7 And the Lord said to Samuel, Hear thou the voice of the people in all things that they speak to thee; for they have not thrown thee away, but me, (so) that I reign not upon them.

 (The word of God came to the Prophets and spoke audible words.)

During Samuels first encounter with The Word, we are told The Word had not yet been revealed to him. He thought it was Eli, calling out his name audibly. 1 Samuel 3:7

I need to remind you of Christ's language: IT IS SUBLIMINAL. And Jesus was our SUBLIMINAL GOD. Just as The Ark was a SUBLIMINAL GOD. (1 Samuel 4:7) Christ knows what He is doing. But The Father that Jesus spoke to, the Spirit that showed him things, IS CHRIST. (John 8:38) "The Same Spirit" that spoke to Moses, Samuel and all the other prophets. (1 Peter 1:11) Jesus was not the only person to have Christ in him. Christ is THE SAME Spirit that John the Baptist had as well. He is the light that LIVES IN ALL OF US. (John 1:1-9)

Before the story of Jesus, The Word was GOD, in the story of Jesus, The Word was The Father so that the source of POWER could be The Son (Jesus was the source of POWER, just as The Ark was, and also Moses rod that turned into a Viper. But WHO really is the Power? CHRIST IS. In all of the stories, the POWER was really CHRIST.) and after the story of Jesus, we call Him the Holy Spirit. ALL ONE SPIRIT. The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. HE IS CHRIST.

We needed to see Jesus die as GOD. Because SIN murdered GOD. A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE. SIN will do just that in the near future. The Man of Sin - The Offspring of the Viper - will murder GOD. (Ezekiel 37:19-22) Covid-19, we have been warned. 

When THE SON/CHRIST was captured in Egypt, - "Let my Son go." - THE FATHER/CHRIST sent 10 Plagues to free His SON/CHRIST. When The Ark, a subliminal God - SON/CHRIST - was captured by the Philistines, THE FATHER/CHRIST sent the Bubonic Plaque to free His SON/CHRIST. I am telling you, THE SON/CHRIST is in danger, and that is why THE FATHER/CHRIST sent Covid-19. "Let my Son go." 

That source of POWER that is THE SON/CHRIST, created life. What is THE VIPER doing with our CAPTURED GOD'S POWER NOW? (Covid-19, "Let my Son go.") He is creating life! - AI and HUMANIOD ROBOTS! CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT I AM FIGHTING FOR? 

The Agony of Jesus: Understanding the Physical Trauma of His Scourging and Hematidrosis

So, why didn't Jesus bleed to death if he bled out of every sweat gland of his body? In Israel, this time of year would have warm days and cold nights. It was this cool night air that probably caused Jesus’ damp skin, covered with sweat and blood to chill, causing the capillaries to constrict and stop bleeding. The cold air causes the blood vessels to constrict and causes the blood loss to be minimal. But by the time Jesus was taken by the soldiers from the Garden of Gethsemane, he probably had a mixture of sweat and blood all over his entire body surface. This would have been a sight to behold.

Let's talk about the scourging he went through. Scourging was a horrible form of torture, that Roman citizens were forbade to be scourged. Only slaves and traders could be scourged. It was one of the worst punishments the Romans had to inflict on a human body. Typically, the victim was stripped completely naked and tied by his wrist to a post or a wall with his back exposed. He was then whipped from the back of his arms down to his shoulders and back, across his bare bottoms down the back of his legs and calves, all the way down to his heels by two Roman Legionnaires, one on either side, alternating blows.

Historical accounts tell us that the traditional scourging consisted of 39 lashes. (Deuteronomy 25:3, 2 Corinthians 11:24) If you can, I want you to imagine two large, strong, burly, Roman Legionnaires. Someone that we would equate to a Pro Football player today, with a wooden handle whip about 18 inches long but had 9 leather thongs. Similar to what we would call a Cat O Nine Tails.

The nine leather thongs were about six to seven feet long, and at the end of each thong was a lead shot, like a sinker you would use to go fishing. Attached to the lead shots were pieces of sheep and cattle bone. And the idea of those small pieces of bone was that, as the Roman Legionnaire would beat his victim, snapping his wrists would cause the weight of the medal shot to dig into the back. As the sheep cattle bone lacerated the skin, it actually dug in under the surface of the skin. So as the skilled and trained Legionnaire whipped his wrist, the cattle bone would literally lift small shards of skeletal muscle out through the skin. Leaving small ribbons of muscle about two inches long hanging through the skin.

With one lash of this whip, one thong alone would make a cut of about two inches long and about three quarters of an inch deep. To put that into medical terms, that's a cut that would take about 20 stitches to close. So, with one lash, one swing, a total of nine lacerations could be inflicted on the victim, from the nine thongs on the whip. With lacerations two inches long and three quarters to one inch deep, with just one blow, the Roman Legionnaire could inflict enough wounds to take 180 stitches to close. ONE SWING ALONE.

If you multiply that by thirty-nine times, those two Roman legionnaires inflicted enough lacerations to take about 2000 stitches to close. This gives you an idea of the amount of physical trauma that was inflicted upon Jesus' body, just from the scourging. Again, you'd ask, “Why didn’t Jesus bleed to death?” And again, you have to remember that this was done in the cold of night air. The very thing that causes blood vessels and capillaries to constrict, would have caused the blood loss from this beating to be minimal.

The Torture of Jesus: Scourging, Humiliation, and the Crown of Thorns

As previously mentioned, the purpose for the lead weight with cattle bones at the end of the thong was to lift skeletal muscle out of the skin. Imagine having a cut on your skin, with an inch of muscle pulled out through the cut exposed to the night air, similar to a stab wound. The muscles are pulled back through the skin as if stabbed with a sharp object, like a stick. 

The purpose was for the victim to be hung on the cross in the heat of the day. Birds would then land on him and actually pick and pull at these pieces of muscle, just like a Robin trying to pull a worm out of the ground. Frequently how long a person actually survived in the cross during a crucifixion was determined by how severely he was scourged, as sometimes they would beat a man nearly to death before they put him on the cross and he would only live a few hours. However, the majority of the time scourging was intended for public humiliation and embarrassment, because it was such an inhumane method of torture.

We know that Jesus was beaten in the face and head as he was mocked. (Luke 22:63-65) I can assure you by the time Jesus was crucified after his beatings, it’s almost certain that both of his eyes were swollen shut and no doubt his nose was pouring blood. If Jesus was tied, held and beaten in the face by these strong Legionnaires, there is no doubt that his lips were tattered like paper and some of his teeth were knocked loose or maybe even knocked out. You might ask if his jaw bones were broken. Normally they would be, but not in Jesus’ case, and I’ll tell you why in a few minutes.

During Jesus’ trials and humiliation, we also know that a crown of thorns was plaited and placed on his head. This was done to mock him as being King of the Jews. These thorns are about an inch and one half to two inches long, and they’re as sharp as ice picks. It was customary to take a small three- or four-foot-long reed and slap the thorns on top of the head of the victim to drive the thorns into the skull. Those thorns laid upon someone’s head and then tapped down with a reed were hard enough to penetrate the outer bone of the skull. Imagine the bleeding from three or four hundred puncture wounds in the scalp and around the forehead from these thorns. Imagine the pain.

So, before Jesus' crucifixion even begins, before they ever gave him his cross to head out to Calvary, his face had been beaten to a pulp. No doubt his eyes were swollen shut, his nose was bloodied, and I remind you that every pore in his skin has wept and oozed blood. His back, arms, buttocks and the back of his legs were literally torn to shreds from the scorching. Every visible surface on Jesus was covered and caked with blood.

The Cross: A Tool of Execution and Humiliation

Let's talk about the cross for a minute. We know from Corinthian and Roman history; the crosses were usually in two parts. First, the cross bar, from very good historical accounts can be estimated to have a weight of 125 to 150 pounds, and to be about the size of a cross tie. They are what you would expect to see in a railroad cross tie, rough, unplanned, unfinished pieces of wood with splinters and spikes and rough places all over them. When the victim’s final trial and condemnation had taken place, to maximize his shame and suffering, it was customary to tie the cross bar to the victim having him carry it all the way through the city from his point of condemnation to his point of execution. To add to the ultimate humiliation, the victim had to bear the cross naked, forced to stagger through the streets scorched and beaten, with the crossbar tied to their arms. Imagine how humiliating and agonizing this must have been for Jesus.

The other part of the cross was an upright part, which is just like a post in the ground. Every major city in that time had an area outside of their gates where they would perform crucifixions. It wasn't only a form of execution, but it was also a form of entertainment. Someone condemned to crucifixion would bear the cross bar through the streets to the point of crucifixion, and once there, would be thrown onto the ground. Nails would then be driven through their hands into the cross bar. Then two forks, something similar to pitch forks, would be placed around each end of the cross bar, and they would be boosted up and the cross bar hung on top of the upright post. Once they were braced on the upright post, both feet would then be nailed to the foot piece.

The Precision of Roman Crucifixion: Maximizing Pain Without Bleeding to Death

The Romans practiced crucifixion for hundreds of years. They perfected the art of pain and suffering. How can a man have spikes driven through his hands and feet and not bleed to death? The Romans figured out that if they drove the spike through a man’s wrist right at the middle, they could avoid hitting any arteries or veins. If you go back and look at the Hebrew word for hand, it’s inclusive from the fingertips to about where your wristwatch crosses your wrist. So, the hand didn’t necessarily mean the palm. You cannot drive a spike through a man’s palm and hang him by it without it pulling right out between his fingers. It is an accepted medical fact that the muscle in your palm is not strong enough to support your body weight. In order to be able to drive spikes through the Jesus' hands, they had to drive them through at the wrists. There’s a very strong ligament, called the traverse carpal ligament, that’s strong enough to support the body weight.

The Romans figured out that if they came about where the crease in the wrist is and drove the spike through this area, they would miss the radial artery. This is the artery people cut when they try to kill themselves by cutting their wrist. It's right where the doctor takes your pulse. They would also miss the ulnar artery over on the little finger side. What they would do is, they would drive the nail right through the biggest nerve in the hand, called the median nerve. If anyone reading this has ever had carpal tunnel syndrome, you know how uncomfortable any inflammation or irritation to that median nerve can be. When the median nerve is transected, it gives about the sensation of having an electric cattle prod stuck to your wrist and a constant electrical shock going through your hand. It causes the fingers to claw. In essence, the Romans devised a way they could drive a spike through a man’s hand and not lose one drop of blood, while maximizing the amount of pain and suffering that man would endure.

The Romans did the same thing with the feet, they calculated where they could drive a spike through both of a man's feet and not cause blood loss that would cause a victim to bleed to death. The spike would have been placed between the first and second metatarsal bones, missing the dorsal artery. There again they drove the spike through the feet with no blood loss. This spike misses the artery but does hit the plantar nerves, thereby causing the same horrible shock sensation in his feet as he has in his hands.

The Agony of the Cross: Understanding Jesus' Suffering and Humiliation

Let’s talk now about Jesus hanging on the cross. When hanging by their arms, a crucifixion victim’s body weight causes their diaphragm to function like bellows. As the diaphragm drops into the abdomen it pulls in air. So, someone hanging on the cross had no difficulty whatsoever pulling air into their lungs. The tough part for people hanging on the cross was breathing out. In order for a crucifixion victim to exhale, they would have to pull up against the spikes with their hands and push up against the spikes with their feet. I want to remind you—here’s Jesus hanging on the cross, likely naked in front of the entire city of Jerusalem, and I’ve already described the condition of his back.

You see, every time Jesus took a breath, his tattered, lacerated and riddled back, was drug and scraped across the splinters, rough knobs and spikes protruding from the cross. Each time he breathed out, each time he uttered a word, he would pull up with his arms and push up with his legs. He couldn't say more than three or four words at a time. Because when you talk, you only talk as you breathe it out, not as you breathe in.

See every word Jesus spoke on the cross was spoken as he was pulling up against the nails and dragging his back against the cross.  What did he say? He said, “Behold your son”. And then he said, “Behold your mother”. Jesus knew he was just about finished in this world. Finally, he said, “It is finished”, and when he said, “It is finished”, that's the last time he pulled up with his hands and pushed up on his feet. Dragging his back across the cross as he hung there naked before the city of Jerusalem in total shame and humiliation, convicted, tortured and condemned for standing boldly for the TRUTH. For His testimony of The Spirit of Prophecy. The audible Word of Christ.

Revelation 19:10 For the witnessing of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. WYC 1382

If you go back and look at historical counts, you find that people actually lived on the cross, crucified for up to six days. If you can, imagine a man hanging on a cross outside the gate from a city with the birds pecking in his eyes, and roosting on his head, picking at his exposed skeletal muscles as he hangs there naked as a spectacle for the whole city to see.

That was the point of this. It was part of the shame and humiliation that a man hang there so people could come by for a day or two and stand. mock, jeer and shout accusations, railings and blasphemy at him. The idea was to make him suffer as much as possible. Crucifixion was never intended to kill anybody. It was only intended to make a human being suffer as much as could be inflicted upon him before killing him by breaking his legs.

The Crucifixion and the Mystery of Jesus’ Death

Crucifracture is what they would do when they simply grew tired of watching this agony and suffering, or when they had something better to do and wanted to end the crucifixion. They would take a spear and swing it like a ball and bat and hit the victim in the shins to break the shin bones. They would break the tibula and then the fibula bone. And many times, they would have to beat the legs for 5 or 10 minutes until they could finally break the shin bones. It takes a lot of force to break your shin bones. With the shin bone broken the victim can no longer push up to breathe.

Why didn't they break Jesus's legs? If you go look at Psalms 34:20 it says, not a bone of His body is broken. This is why Jesus' jaws, nose and cheekbones should have been broken but couldn't have been. Psalms 34:20 wouldn't let that take place. And that's why the Roman Centurion didn't break his legs, because the Bible says, not a bone of His body is broken. And that was totally uncharacteristic of the crucifixion. Because that's how many of the crucifixion victims died. When they grew tired of you and got bored with the situation, they would break your legs. Then in about four to six minutes and you'd smother to death. Because you can no longer push up with your legs.

You would lay there sagging, unable to breathe out. And you were asphyxiated in about four to six minutes. That's how the two thieves died. But Jesus was dead already. What happens in John 19? What did they do when they went to the first thief? (John 19:32) The Roman Centurion broke his legs. What did he do when he went to the second thief? He broke his legs. But when the Centurion went to Jesus, the Bible says he was dead already. (John 19:33)

Now why would a young healthy man be dead after being on the cross for six hours? There's absolutely no medical explanation for it at all. Jesus had no business being dead at this point. He should have been alive just like the other two. He wasn't beaten to the point of death and his blood loss was minimal, and we know he wasn't in shock, because every word he said on the cross made sense. (John 19:26-27)

He identified his mother's standing at a distance from the foot of the cross. He was able to see enough to identify her and to identify one of the disciples as well. And everything he said was coherent. He was not out of his mind, and he was not having a nervous breakdown. And he wasn't even in shock from blood loss. Jesus was perfectly coherent and sane up until the moment he died.

When the Centurion saw that Jesus was dead already, he thrust the spear into Jesus’ side. The Bible says in Zechariah 12:10, that they may look upon him whom they pierced. The spear thrust was a biblical prophecy fulfilled. And that was why Jesus was already dead. See Christ had a plan, we were to look upon the one they had pierced. Spear piercing was uncharacteristic of the crucifixion as well. Zachariah had to be fulfilled. And the Bible says, blood and water came out of Jesus side after the spear was thrust in.

The Depth of Suffering: Understanding Jesus' Death and Its Significance

Now if you take a unit of a blood drained out of a human being's body, put it in a quart jar and set it on top of a desk in about 30 minutes the red blood cells begin to settle out and the plasma rises to the top. The plasma separates from the red blood cells. So when the soldier thrusts the spear into his side, Jesus had already been dead for 30 or 45 minutes. Maybe you've never thought about that. 

When the Roman Centurion went to him to break his leg, he was already dead. They couldn't break his legs because the Bible says in Psalms not a bone of his body shall be broken. Why then would the soldier thrust the spear into his side, when other crucifixion victims had not had spears thrusted into their side? Because Zachariah told us hundreds of years before that we'd look upon the one, we pierced. A Prophecy given by the Spirit. And what came out? Blood and water, there's enough medical evidence there that Jesus was dead at least a half an hour or an hour before.

In reflecting on the suffering endured by Jesus, it becomes clear that every detail of his crucifixion was meticulously designed to maximize pain and humiliation. From the physical tortures inflicted upon him to the fulfillment of ancient prophecies, his journey to the cross was a combination of divine purpose and human brutality. Yet, in the midst of his agony, Jesus displayed remarkable clarity of mind and purpose, fulfilling his mission with courage, never backing down from the TRUTH.

THE WORD OF GOD!

[illustratus]

The Agony in the Garden by Gustave Doré

[luck-of-the-drawings]

my TWO FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD, VAMPIRES N COWBOYS... deacon keller is SUCH a fun character, hes charming and funny but ALSO formidable and STRONG when he feels he needsta be. i hope him and arthur can get a chance to talk more and be better friends. l ike really good friend s. . like. like really good f. hangon i gotta go i think i hauve rabies.

[malzykins]

i absolutely adore how u draw the lethal company fellas especially the nutcracker..,. (im a very normal member of society and can be trusted around nutcrackers) your art is like kibble im putting it into my mouth <333 :3

gracias :']] I hope I continue to be the Ol' Roy for all the lil freakazoids (affectionate) on this bastard web site

[perenlop]

petronille sending bonnie away when she was frozen by the king’s curse and then the party sending bonnie away when the king kills them……

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

web-weaving – the agony in the garden

🩸 Christ in Gethsemane – Heinrich Hofmann // Rose – The Oh Hellos 🩸 Folio 122r of a Book of Hours – Masters of Zweder van Culemborg // Luke 22:42 🩸 Christ in the Garden of Olives – Gaspar de Crayer // Family Line – Conan Gray 🩸 Folio 122r of a Book of Hours – Masters of Zweder van Culemborg // Psalm 22:2 🩸 The Agony in the Garden – Ludovico Carracci // Sun Bleached Flies – Ethel Cain 🩸

[vix2section]

good fucking morning my train is in 5 hours and i feel like throwing up

[dramoor]

The Agony Philosophers have measur’d mountains, Fathom’d the depths of the seas, of states, and kings, Walk’d with a staff to heav’n, and traced fountains: But there are two vast, spacious things, The which to measure it doth more behove: Yet few there are that sound them; Sin and Love. Who would know Sin, let him repair Unto mount Olivet; there shall he see A man so wrung with pains, that all his hair, His skin, his garments bloody be. Sin is that press and vice, which forceth pain To hunt his cruel food through ev’ry vein. Who knows not Love, let him assay And taste that juice, which on the cross a pike Did set again abroach, then let him say If ever he did taste the like. Love is that liquor sweet and most divine, Which my God feels as blood; but I, as wine.

~George Herbert (1593-1633)

(Image via Pinterest)

[thurifer-at-heart]

Agony in the Garden, Frans Schwartz, 1898

[paperfen]

Spoilers for BNHA chapter 423; you know where this is going.

SHIGARAKI KINNIES HOW WE FEELING TONIGHT???? CAUSE I AM NOT FEELING GOOD!!!! in all seriousness, I could barely finish this sketch because I was crying so hard. Horikoshi when I catch you istg. I'm not even gonna entertain the idea that he's still alive somehow until that's confirmed because I refuse to give myself false hope. But this is not how I wanted this to end. Shigaraki deserves to have the life that was literally stolen away from him from day fucking 1. Yes, killing AFO was cathartic as HELL, and seeing kurogiri/shirakumo reach out to save his son absolutely broke me, but what happens to all of the build-up with Shigaraki's story? the rest of the league's trauma, the issues they genuinely faced within this hero society? where is all that going? down the drain ig. seems like such a fuckin waste of a story but alright. this could have been about deku becoming the greatest hero by saving and reforming the villains who were abused and tortured but ALRIGHT. also, a two page send off? be fr what the fuck. Rest easy, king. You deserved so much better. Or come back to us because that'll turn this car around so fast we might hit mach speed.

[emilianatsuki]

Reminder that Jesus Christ was in Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner

[christliche-kunstwerke]

Die Agonie im Garten von Frans II the Younger Francken (oil on copper heightened with gold)

[illustratus]

Jesus Praying in the Garden by Gustave Doré

[bunnybisexual]

ough god i should have taken into consideration when getting this piercing that i wont be able to lay down on my right side for a month and i have severe chronic fatigue & need to lay down like All The Time

[trashlie]

it's good to see you around again, I missed reading your long ILY posts, hope you're doing better too :) if you ever share your thoughts on the latest couple of episodes (including fp) here, I'd be super excited to read them! I'm really curious how you think the timeline is gonna go from here - especially relating to Shin-Ae and Nolan since it feels like they are the last pieces that need to fall into place so everything is ready for the post-timeskip story to go down. like you, I was so sure Nol and Shin-Ae were going to have some kind of reconciliation before he goes to jail but WELP rip 3 day extension. Poor guy though, Yui showing up in his hospital room must have been extremely triggering, it made sense that he did everything to get outta there ASAP. It's worrying me that this series of negative interactions (Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui) could've undone everything positive Shin-Ae Dieter Soushi Nana did, and now therapy during jail time could either have a positive or negative effect, so Nol is a Schroedinger's cat for now.... At least some things got cleared up and Shin-Ae is now starting to understand the root of the problem (= Yui) (and it actually really makes sense that she had to figure it out herself instead of Nol telling her - the boy obviously isn't ready to talk) so we made some progress.... But istg with this upcoming separation arc 2.0 it feels so much like we're gonna be back at ground zero after the first time skip. Fingers crossed they reconcile in whatever way before the big time skip though. we need a somewhat positive conclusion to this arc before season 1 ends, because if not then what was all this build up for, and why now? What about the realizations? the "convince me"? What about "if you won't let me have you"? If their reconciliation is only going to happen after multiple years of "conflict" between them that would be so cruel....

AND SHIN-AE STILL HASN'T GOTTEN HER BANDANA BACK and now he's stealing her lines too SDGDADSF;SDF

Waaaahhhhh thank you, friend!!! As you can probably tell, I'm still trying to get myself back here fully and figure out how to balance everything, which has always been a struggle ;~; I really may resort to telling my friends to ignore me and yell at me until I get certain posts written up so I'll stop procrastinating because there are SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT EPISODES I WANT TO RECAP AND TALK ABOUT!!!! BUT THE ORGANIZING MYSELF!!!! IS THE PART THAT'S SO DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!

One of the great things about the ILY discord server is that we have this very constant, active conversation going on at all times so it's SO easy to be very present and active, but I also find that it means it's more difficult for me to regulate myself, or I'll have that feeling that I JUST talked about something and so when I try to write about it over here, it feels like a hollow echo and I know that's just because I was just having the conversation so that's just something I need to work on dealing with lol

But I want to answer this before we move so far away from when you asked this!!!!! As expected, there are FP spoilers ahead for eps 246 through 249!!!!!

I!!!! DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!! LMAO Like. GOD. I feel like quimchee has thrown us curveball after curveball and when we sit down and think about how long this period of December 21 and the post December 21 arc has been, how much the story has weaved around?! There are so many things that have occurred that I NEVER expected and, like you, it's just everything I thought has clearly gone out the window. Part of it, I think, is the result of quimchee having to change the arrangement of her story, and god I would love to pick her brain about the things that changed, since Nol's injury was supposed to happen at the formal itself, we never would have had this extended period of hospital time, and it seems like everything about Nol and Shinae coming to realization with their feelings would have played out in a wholly different way than what we ended up getting, so on some level I think this is partly that quimchee, too, is sort of throwing herself cureveballs in that there are things she knows needs to happen and she isn't sure where or how to fit the other elements in? But that's just my guess.

On the one hand, I do feel very "WHAT WAS THE EXTENSION FOR IF NOT FOR RECONCILIATION?!" but beyond Stalkyoo, we have gotten a LOT of good stuff out of this period of time. We see Kousuke facing his cognitive dissonance for, perhaps, the first time, and the revelation that Yui has been drugging him (and likely for a long time, given the way Hansuke describe the dosage Kousuke had and that it merely knocked him out), and more than that, making those connections between Nol and Yui and tea, and wanting to face him. I'm STILL proud of him for wanting to go back and see Nol again, even after he couldn't face him, even after Hansuke found him on the floor of a public bathroom hugging a toilet from the remorse and guilt and perhaps shame of the realization of the ways he has hurt people - has hurt Nol! - who didn't deserve it. We have seen that Rand and Yujing are, in fact, working on something behind the scenes, that Rand is facing Yui as a real adversary now, not just someone who has been resigned to endure her for so many years now, but to actually fight against her. The entirety of Nol's birthday celebration could not have happened the way it did had he not been in the hospital, since he would have had to turn himself in, and while maybe the original plan was that they celebrated his birthday with Minhyuk's coming home party, I'm.... not sure if that would have been the case?

But at at any rate, I do acknowledge that despite the fact that it feels like Nol might be back at square one, that he and Shinae are back where they started in 151, such significant events HAVE taken place that I think will still affect the narrative future of ILY. I still feel strongly that part of Nol's trajectory is coming to terms with the fact that he does, indeed, belong here. That he isn't someone who wasn't meant to be, that he doesn't belong here. He belongs, and he deserves love. He is someone, not nothing. I still think one of his greater arcs will involve coming to embrace this, and while the negative events - Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui - feel like they could be setting him back, he is now equipped with knowledge and feelings he wasn't before. It can't hurt him the same. In fact, I think part of why his confrontation with Alyssa went the way it did was because he had had this experience with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi, it illuminated everything that was so wrong with his relationship with Alyssa, how neither of them really know each other. It's that sense of foiling that allows him to put his foot down and say enough is enough. Even before it was revealed that Alyssa had come with Yui, it was clear that Nol was over the visit. Don't get me wrong - I understand why he couldn't see that Alyssa clearly was not well, that she was uncomfortable, that she had come to him with no one else to go to, much as he'd gone to Kousuke in the past when he lost his mom, and I also understand why he did the same thing Kousuke did and turned her away. But the point I'm getting at is, it feels like there was a shift. That birthday celebration illuminated something for Nol.

So it's kind of like, while it feels like this might have undone the progress Nol made, it can't undone the revelations he's had, and in that same way, it cannot cast shadow on his enlightenment. He is not the same Nol he was a week ago. Too much has changed, he's become aware of too much, and as such, he is going to respond differently to what comes his way, and while he may continue to try what he had originally intended, I think the difference is that he's now been made aware of things that impact the choices he makes.

But largely I don't really know what I expect just yet. I think it's very pointed that the lawyer reminded Shinae that she has his phone number; I don't think that would be called out if it wasn't going to be important in some way, but in terms of how are we going from here to there? Unsure lol. I think there HAS to be a resolution of some kind, whether it's a reconciliation or not, because Shinae is on this momentum swing that isn't going to stop until she crashes into something or she comes into a force of nature that stops her. Nothing, no one, has been able to reach her or get through to her, and I know it's just because of how much she's hurting, but she's lashing out at people and hurting THEM like a street cat swiping at people trying to help her. She's so terrified of losing Nol, especially now that he came back, especially now that she gave him the option to leave and he didn't and it rekindled that hope she gave him an opening to leave when it would have been easier and he didn't which just made it worse, because so much more was at stake. She can't stop fighting she can't stop trying because she cannot bear what it means to lose him for real this time, not when she finally had him back, not when that realization has come to her even if she won't admit it. She needs him, so what's going to make her give up?

Something has to transpire, whether it's a reconciliation or Nol pushing her away and really shattering her heart or something awful like that, to bring her to a halt, because I can't imagine how we would move into our mini time skip to spring/graduation with Shinae like this, right? So I think there must be some kind of resolution. My foolish, hopeless self wants so badly to hope for reconciliation but esp after 249 I am SO torn. I have two thoughts.

a. they reconcile. She can reach him, and convince him, and even though he is so afraid, he is also someone who folds in front of her, he struggles to resist her. He told her to convince him and boy she can convince him and even though he tells himself he isn't sure if these feelings are real because what if it's just because she's NICE to him I think hearing her confess her feelings would tell him how he feels and give him the answer.

b. But the alternative feels like a parallel to Nessa and Rand, because Nessa, too, was hurt over and over by someone who kept getting her hopes up and getting hurt by him. Shinae gave Nol the opportunity to leave and he didn't, he stayed and doing so sparked her hope, made her feel things, they shared these tender, intimate moments together and forced that realization to come to mind, but for him to push her away again, for her safety, to make choices on her behalf even though she's told him she hates that and she doesn't want him to. Imagine her pulling a Nessa and calling him scum lfkjajkfkjfjkfaj ;A;!!!!! Imagine her so angry and hurt and resentful and saying awful things she doesn't mean and GOD I feel like it can go only one of these ways because what ELSE is going to stop her in her tracks?!

And I really want a reconciliation because parting like this sets them up for SO. MUCH. STRIFE. Because we know one way or another Shinae is going to end up taking Yui's offer and if Nol leaves on these terms, he would end up thinking she's following in Alyssa's footsteps doing so, not understanding WHY she's doing, not understanding that this is Shinae's only way of protecting herself, learning to speak Yui's language and play her game.

and idk I know I'm a hopeful optimist reading a webtoon that proves to me over and over that I cannot be a hopeful optimist but LMAO GOD I WANT SHINAE TO CONVINCE THAT DUMBO

I've said it before that convincing him doesn't mean they have to get into a relationship. Just. Reconcile. She's so afraid of LOSING HIM, thinking that once he slips away he's out of her grasp, her sight, for good, that she will lose the best thing that happened to her and I WANT THAT RECONCILATION. I want her to convince him, for both their sakes. So that he knows he has someone he can go back to. So that she knows he's not just throwing her away. So that she doesn't have to fear losing something so precious and important.

Am I foolish and hopeful for hoping for that outcome? Maybe, but it won't stop me LMAO because as delicious and angsty as Shinae and Nol following in Ressa's footsteps with Nol hurting her again and leaving her so hurt and angry is, I want to see them on that same page. I want to see Shinae convince him - convince him why he is so important to her, and that his feelings are real. That's the thing, right, like.... you can tell yourself that your feelings aren't real, but if the person you like confesses to you, your heart will inevitably betray you and respond to the confession. Nol fears for Shinae's safety but important puzzle pieces are falling into place. She has figured what he fears the most - and if she thinks hard enough she'll realize how she can use that to her "advantage", in that Rand has told her Yui will never let her go, that it doesn't matter if Nol leaves or not. It goes back to my oft repeated sentiment of them needing to be on the same page, to be a team, because his absence will not protect her. And between what Rand told her, plus her anecdotes about Kousuke's birthday and how Yui treated her even before the formal, and what Yujing told Nol about Kousuke being drugged by Yui, maybe, just MAYBE that conclusion that wasn't only him all along will finally hit him. I know he can't change over night, that he has so many deeply ingrained fears that won't be easily assuaged, but I have to hope that a confession from Shinae can convince him that the alternative is worse. Convince him to fight along side her ;A;

I go back and forth on this thought but I think this is strongly what I feel right now. That reconciliation could still be around the corner, even if it's just an admission and a promise to not push her away. Shinae is tired of people acting on her behalf, tired of not getting a say, and especially in something that involves her heart, her feelings?

Go fight girl and maybe bite him if that's what it takes ;A;

STEALING HER BANDANA. HER LINES. HERT HEART. THIS MAN DESERVES TO BE LOCKED AWAY

ALFJLFJLFKJLAFKJLKFJALKFJ

[skrunksthatwunk]

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)