#Physical Agony

[christisilluminati]

The Suffering and Sacrifice of Jesus: A Detailed Examination

The Physical Agony of Jesus: 36 Hours Without Rest:

By the time he was crucified Jesus had been up about 36 hours without any sleep. We know from biblical accounts that Jesus was an early riser. Since the Gospels recount numerous instances where he woke up early to pray, (Mark 1:35) we have no reason to believe he did anything different than that the day he had had his last meal with his disciples. He probably woke up early that morning, spent the day accordingly, and later had dinner with the disciples during the Last Supper in the upper room. (Luke 22:7-25)

He was then captured at the Garden of Gethsemane, (Matthew 26:36-50) and was led through the Old City of Jerusalem and underwent at least two trials. It was not until the next day, about daybreak, that he was hung on the cross and hung there throughout the day. Between the time he arose to the time he actually died on the cross a period of about 36 hours had passed with no rest and no sleep.

Maybe you haven’t thought about how far Jesus actually walked about the Old City of Jerusalem. We know he was led about from the Chiefs priests house to Harrods, and then to Pilots during the time he was being tried. And we know he was led about the Old City of Jerusalem. If you add it up, he walked about two and a half miles that last night. Also, as best as we can determine from historical records, Jesus carried his cross about a third of a mile, give or take, before he collapsed and wasn't able to carry it anymore. These are just a few of the physical strains that would have added up to cause stress to any individual.

Hematidrosis: The Rare Medical Condition Jesus Endured in the Garden of Gethsemane

The next thing I want to talk about is a phenomenon called Hematidrosis. This is a very rare medical phenomenon that has only been reported about 106 times in world medical literature. And is only seen in people who are under tremendous stress and agony. In Hematidrosis a person actually exudes blood from every sweat gland in their body. Each sweat gland has a small capillary that surrounds it. And in Hematidrosis, that small capillary ruptures. As it bursts. the person actually bleeds into their sweat glands. Instead of a perspiring sweat, they actually perspire blood. The Bible gives us an excellent description of this phenomenon, saying that Jesus sweat became as drops of blood. (Luke 22:44) Every pore of Jesus' body oozed and drained blood.

Jesus was a man just as any one of us. He had the Spirit of prophecy (Revelation 19:10) dwelling within him, and was in fellowship with the "Word." (Exodus 34:29, Matthew 17:2) He knew the terrible fate that lay ahead of him and knew the task he was handed to do, and the mission he had to fulfill. He knew he had to die as a subliminal God, that we needed to see SIN murder God. Still, he dreaded this agonizing death and torture that lay a few hours ahead of him, just as much as any of us would.

We know He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. “Father, if it'd be your will let this cup pass from me.” (Matthew 26:39) But he submitted his will to the Spirit within him. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was under as much anxiety and physical stress from an emotional standpoint that we could expect any human to experience, knowing that in a few hours he would be delivered over to one of the most agonizing and brutal deaths ever recorded in history.

Christ's Subliminal Power: A Prophetic Warning for Today

I can only imagine the comforting words Christ spoke to him, assuring him that his agony was almost over. This thought process is not something we talk about in religious organizations today, I know. I have just CLEARLY separated the Spirit from the man as two separate entities. Jesus also separated himself from Christ in the story of Mark 5. (Mark 5:19) I too can hear His AUDIBLE WORD, so I know Christ would have spoken to Jesus just as He did Samuel. Jesus' entire ministry was about THE WORD, and people thought he was crazy, which is what got him killed. Do you have any idea how long Christ has been heartbroken? How many times He has been thrown away? Over and over again. 

1 Samuel 8:7 And the Lord said to Samuel, Hear thou the voice of the people in all things that they speak to thee; for they have not thrown thee away, but me, (so) that I reign not upon them.

 (The word of God came to the Prophets and spoke audible words.)

During Samuels first encounter with The Word, we are told The Word had not yet been revealed to him. He thought it was Eli, calling out his name audibly. 1 Samuel 3:7

I need to remind you of Christ's language: IT IS SUBLIMINAL. And Jesus was our SUBLIMINAL GOD. Just as The Ark was a SUBLIMINAL GOD. (1 Samuel 4:7) Christ knows what He is doing. But The Father that Jesus spoke to, the Spirit that showed him things, IS CHRIST. (John 8:38) "The Same Spirit" that spoke to Moses, Samuel and all the other prophets. (1 Peter 1:11) Jesus was not the only person to have Christ in him. Christ is THE SAME Spirit that John the Baptist had as well. He is the light that LIVES IN ALL OF US. (John 1:1-9)

Before the story of Jesus, The Word was GOD, in the story of Jesus, The Word was The Father so that the source of POWER could be The Son (Jesus was the source of POWER, just as The Ark was, and also Moses rod that turned into a Viper. But WHO really is the Power? CHRIST IS. In all of the stories, the POWER was really CHRIST.) and after the story of Jesus, we call Him the Holy Spirit. ALL ONE SPIRIT. The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. HE IS CHRIST.

We needed to see Jesus die as GOD. Because SIN murdered GOD. A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE. SIN will do just that in the near future. The Man of Sin - The Offspring of the Viper - will murder GOD. (Ezekiel 37:19-22) Covid-19, we have been warned. 

When THE SON/CHRIST was captured in Egypt, - "Let my Son go." - THE FATHER/CHRIST sent 10 Plagues to free His SON/CHRIST. When The Ark, a subliminal God - SON/CHRIST - was captured by the Philistines, THE FATHER/CHRIST sent the Bubonic Plaque to free His SON/CHRIST. I am telling you, THE SON/CHRIST is in danger, and that is why THE FATHER/CHRIST sent Covid-19. "Let my Son go." 

That source of POWER that is THE SON/CHRIST, created life. What is THE VIPER doing with our CAPTURED GOD'S POWER NOW? (Covid-19, "Let my Son go.") He is creating life! - AI and HUMANIOD ROBOTS! CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT I AM FIGHTING FOR? 

The Agony of Jesus: Understanding the Physical Trauma of His Scourging and Hematidrosis

So, why didn't Jesus bleed to death if he bled out of every sweat gland of his body? In Israel, this time of year would have warm days and cold nights. It was this cool night air that probably caused Jesus’ damp skin, covered with sweat and blood to chill, causing the capillaries to constrict and stop bleeding. The cold air causes the blood vessels to constrict and causes the blood loss to be minimal. But by the time Jesus was taken by the soldiers from the Garden of Gethsemane, he probably had a mixture of sweat and blood all over his entire body surface. This would have been a sight to behold.

Let's talk about the scourging he went through. Scourging was a horrible form of torture, that Roman citizens were forbade to be scourged. Only slaves and traders could be scourged. It was one of the worst punishments the Romans had to inflict on a human body. Typically, the victim was stripped completely naked and tied by his wrist to a post or a wall with his back exposed. He was then whipped from the back of his arms down to his shoulders and back, across his bare bottoms down the back of his legs and calves, all the way down to his heels by two Roman Legionnaires, one on either side, alternating blows.

Historical accounts tell us that the traditional scourging consisted of 39 lashes. (Deuteronomy 25:3, 2 Corinthians 11:24) If you can, I want you to imagine two large, strong, burly, Roman Legionnaires. Someone that we would equate to a Pro Football player today, with a wooden handle whip about 18 inches long but had 9 leather thongs. Similar to what we would call a Cat O Nine Tails.

The nine leather thongs were about six to seven feet long, and at the end of each thong was a lead shot, like a sinker you would use to go fishing. Attached to the lead shots were pieces of sheep and cattle bone. And the idea of those small pieces of bone was that, as the Roman Legionnaire would beat his victim, snapping his wrists would cause the weight of the medal shot to dig into the back. As the sheep cattle bone lacerated the skin, it actually dug in under the surface of the skin. So as the skilled and trained Legionnaire whipped his wrist, the cattle bone would literally lift small shards of skeletal muscle out through the skin. Leaving small ribbons of muscle about two inches long hanging through the skin.

With one lash of this whip, one thong alone would make a cut of about two inches long and about three quarters of an inch deep. To put that into medical terms, that's a cut that would take about 20 stitches to close. So, with one lash, one swing, a total of nine lacerations could be inflicted on the victim, from the nine thongs on the whip. With lacerations two inches long and three quarters to one inch deep, with just one blow, the Roman Legionnaire could inflict enough wounds to take 180 stitches to close. ONE SWING ALONE.

If you multiply that by thirty-nine times, those two Roman legionnaires inflicted enough lacerations to take about 2000 stitches to close. This gives you an idea of the amount of physical trauma that was inflicted upon Jesus' body, just from the scourging. Again, you'd ask, “Why didn’t Jesus bleed to death?��� And again, you have to remember that this was done in the cold of night air. The very thing that causes blood vessels and capillaries to constrict, would have caused the blood loss from this beating to be minimal.

The Torture of Jesus: Scourging, Humiliation, and the Crown of Thorns

As previously mentioned, the purpose for the lead weight with cattle bones at the end of the thong was to lift skeletal muscle out of the skin. Imagine having a cut on your skin, with an inch of muscle pulled out through the cut exposed to the night air, similar to a stab wound. The muscles are pulled back through the skin as if stabbed with a sharp object, like a stick. 

The purpose was for the victim to be hung on the cross in the heat of the day. Birds would then land on him and actually pick and pull at these pieces of muscle, just like a Robin trying to pull a worm out of the ground. Frequently how long a person actually survived in the cross during a crucifixion was determined by how severely he was scourged, as sometimes they would beat a man nearly to death before they put him on the cross and he would only live a few hours. However, the majority of the time scourging was intended for public humiliation and embarrassment, because it was such an inhumane method of torture.

We know that Jesus was beaten in the face and head as he was mocked. (Luke 22:63-65) I can assure you by the time Jesus was crucified after his beatings, it’s almost certain that both of his eyes were swollen shut and no doubt his nose was pouring blood. If Jesus was tied, held and beaten in the face by these strong Legionnaires, there is no doubt that his lips were tattered like paper and some of his teeth were knocked loose or maybe even knocked out. You might ask if his jaw bones were broken. Normally they would be, but not in Jesus’ case, and I’ll tell you why in a few minutes.

During Jesus’ trials and humiliation, we also know that a crown of thorns was plaited and placed on his head. This was done to mock him as being King of the Jews. These thorns are about an inch and one half to two inches long, and they’re as sharp as ice picks. It was customary to take a small three- or four-foot-long reed and slap the thorns on top of the head of the victim to drive the thorns into the skull. Those thorns laid upon someone’s head and then tapped down with a reed were hard enough to penetrate the outer bone of the skull. Imagine the bleeding from three or four hundred puncture wounds in the scalp and around the forehead from these thorns. Imagine the pain.

So, before Jesus' crucifixion even begins, before they ever gave him his cross to head out to Calvary, his face had been beaten to a pulp. No doubt his eyes were swollen shut, his nose was bloodied, and I remind you that every pore in his skin has wept and oozed blood. His back, arms, buttocks and the back of his legs were literally torn to shreds from the scorching. Every visible surface on Jesus was covered and caked with blood.

The Cross: A Tool of Execution and Humiliation

Let's talk about the cross for a minute. We know from Corinthian and Roman history; the crosses were usually in two parts. First, the cross bar, from very good historical accounts can be estimated to have a weight of 125 to 150 pounds, and to be about the size of a cross tie. They are what you would expect to see in a railroad cross tie, rough, unplanned, unfinished pieces of wood with splinters and spikes and rough places all over them. When the victim’s final trial and condemnation had taken place, to maximize his shame and suffering, it was customary to tie the cross bar to the victim having him carry it all the way through the city from his point of condemnation to his point of execution. To add to the ultimate humiliation, the victim had to bear the cross naked, forced to stagger through the streets scorched and beaten, with the crossbar tied to their arms. Imagine how humiliating and agonizing this must have been for Jesus.

The other part of the cross was an upright part, which is just like a post in the ground. Every major city in that time had an area outside of their gates where they would perform crucifixions. It wasn't only a form of execution, but it was also a form of entertainment. Someone condemned to crucifixion would bear the cross bar through the streets to the point of crucifixion, and once there, would be thrown onto the ground. Nails would then be driven through their hands into the cross bar. Then two forks, something similar to pitch forks, would be placed around each end of the cross bar, and they would be boosted up and the cross bar hung on top of the upright post. Once they were braced on the upright post, both feet would then be nailed to the foot piece.

The Precision of Roman Crucifixion: Maximizing Pain Without Bleeding to Death

The Romans practiced crucifixion for hundreds of years. They perfected the art of pain and suffering. How can a man have spikes driven through his hands and feet and not bleed to death? The Romans figured out that if they drove the spike through a man’s wrist right at the middle, they could avoid hitting any arteries or veins. If you go back and look at the Hebrew word for hand, it’s inclusive from the fingertips to about where your wristwatch crosses your wrist. So, the hand didn’t necessarily mean the palm. You cannot drive a spike through a man’s palm and hang him by it without it pulling right out between his fingers. It is an accepted medical fact that the muscle in your palm is not strong enough to support your body weight. In order to be able to drive spikes through the Jesus' hands, they had to drive them through at the wrists. There’s a very strong ligament, called the traverse carpal ligament, that’s strong enough to support the body weight.

The Romans figured out that if they came about where the crease in the wrist is and drove the spike through this area, they would miss the radial artery. This is the artery people cut when they try to kill themselves by cutting their wrist. It's right where the doctor takes your pulse. They would also miss the ulnar artery over on the little finger side. What they would do is, they would drive the nail right through the biggest nerve in the hand, called the median nerve. If anyone reading this has ever had carpal tunnel syndrome, you know how uncomfortable any inflammation or irritation to that median nerve can be. When the median nerve is transected, it gives about the sensation of having an electric cattle prod stuck to your wrist and a constant electrical shock going through your hand. It causes the fingers to claw. In essence, the Romans devised a way they could drive a spike through a man’s hand and not lose one drop of blood, while maximizing the amount of pain and suffering that man would endure.

The Romans did the same thing with the feet, they calculated where they could drive a spike through both of a man's feet and not cause blood loss that would cause a victim to bleed to death. The spike would have been placed between the first and second metatarsal bones, missing the dorsal artery. There again they drove the spike through the feet with no blood loss. This spike misses the artery but does hit the plantar nerves, thereby causing the same horrible shock sensation in his feet as he has in his hands.

The Agony of the Cross: Understanding Jesus' Suffering and Humiliation

Let’s talk now about Jesus hanging on the cross. When hanging by their arms, a crucifixion victim’s body weight causes their diaphragm to function like bellows. As the diaphragm drops into the abdomen it pulls in air. So, someone hanging on the cross had no difficulty whatsoever pulling air into their lungs. The tough part for people hanging on the cross was breathing out. In order for a crucifixion victim to exhale, they would have to pull up against the spikes with their hands and push up against the spikes with their feet. I want to remind you—here’s Jesus hanging on the cross, likely naked in front of the entire city of Jerusalem, and I’ve already described the condition of his back.

You see, every time Jesus took a breath, his tattered, lacerated and riddled back, was drug and scraped across the splinters, rough knobs and spikes protruding from the cross. Each time he breathed out, each time he uttered a word, he would pull up with his arms and push up with his legs. He couldn't say more than three or four words at a time. Because when you talk, you only talk as you breathe it out, not as you breathe in.

See every word Jesus spoke on the cross was spoken as he was pulling up against the nails and dragging his back against the cross.  What did he say? He said, “Behold your son”. And then he said, “Behold your mother”. Jesus knew he was just about finished in this world. Finally, he said, “It is finished”, and when he said, “It is finished”, that's the last time he pulled up with his hands and pushed up on his feet. Dragging his back across the cross as he hung there naked before the city of Jerusalem in total shame and humiliation, convicted, tortured and condemned for standing boldly for the TRUTH. For His testimony of The Spirit of Prophecy. The audible Word of Christ.

Revelation 19:10 For the witnessing of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. WYC 1382

If you go back and look at historical counts, you find that people actually lived on the cross, crucified for up to six days. If you can, imagine a man hanging on a cross outside the gate from a city with the birds pecking in his eyes, and roosting on his head, picking at his exposed skeletal muscles as he hangs there naked as a spectacle for the whole city to see.

That was the point of this. It was part of the shame and humiliation that a man hang there so people could come by for a day or two and stand. mock, jeer and shout accusations, railings and blasphemy at him. The idea was to make him suffer as much as possible. Crucifixion was never intended to kill anybody. It was only intended to make a human being suffer as much as could be inflicted upon him before killing him by breaking his legs.

The Crucifixion and the Mystery of Jesus’ Death

Crucifracture is what they would do when they simply grew tired of watching this agony and suffering, or when they had something better to do and wanted to end the crucifixion. They would take a spear and swing it like a ball and bat and hit the victim in the shins to break the shin bones. They would break the tibula and then the fibula bone. And many times, they would have to beat the legs for 5 or 10 minutes until they could finally break the shin bones. It takes a lot of force to break your shin bones. With the shin bone broken the victim can no longer push up to breathe.

Why didn't they break Jesus's legs? If you go look at Psalms 34:20 it says, not a bone of His body is broken. This is why Jesus' jaws, nose and cheekbones should have been broken but couldn't have been. Psalms 34:20 wouldn't let that take place. And that's why the Roman Centurion didn't break his legs, because the Bible says, not a bone of His body is broken. And that was totally uncharacteristic of the crucifixion. Because that's how many of the crucifixion victims died. When they grew tired of you and got bored with the situation, they would break your legs. Then in about four to six minutes and you'd smother to death. Because you can no longer push up with your legs.

You would lay there sagging, unable to breathe out. And you were asphyxiated in about four to six minutes. That's how the two thieves died. But Jesus was dead already. What happens in John 19? What did they do when they went to the first thief? (John 19:32) The Roman Centurion broke his legs. What did he do when he went to the second thief? He broke his legs. But when the Centurion went to Jesus, the Bible says he was dead already. (John 19:33)

Now why would a young healthy man be dead after being on the cross for six hours? There's absolutely no medical explanation for it at all. Jesus had no business being dead at this point. He should have been alive just like the other two. He wasn't beaten to the point of death and his blood loss was minimal, and we know he wasn't in shock, because every word he said on the cross made sense. (John 19:26-27)

He identified his mother's standing at a distance from the foot of the cross. He was able to see enough to identify her and to identify one of the disciples as well. And everything he said was coherent. He was not out of his mind, and he was not having a nervous breakdown. And he wasn't even in shock from blood loss. Jesus was perfectly coherent and sane up until the moment he died.

When the Centurion saw that Jesus was dead already, he thrust the spear into Jesus’ side. The Bible says in Zechariah 12:10, that they may look upon him whom they pierced. The spear thrust was a biblical prophecy fulfilled. And that was why Jesus was already dead. See Christ had a plan, we were to look upon the one they had pierced. Spear piercing was uncharacteristic of the crucifixion as well. Zachariah had to be fulfilled. And the Bible says, blood and water came out of Jesus side after the spear was thrust in.

The Depth of Suffering: Understanding Jesus' Death and Its Significance

Now if you take a unit of a blood drained out of a human being's body, put it in a quart jar and set it on top of a desk in about 30 minutes the red blood cells begin to settle out and the plasma rises to the top. The plasma separates from the red blood cells. So when the soldier thrusts the spear into his side, Jesus had already been dead for 30 or 45 minutes. Maybe you've never thought about that. 

When the Roman Centurion went to him to break his leg, he was already dead. They couldn't break his legs because the Bible says in Psalms not a bone of his body shall be broken. Why then would the soldier thrust the spear into his side, when other crucifixion victims had not had spears thrusted into their side? Because Zachariah told us hundreds of years before that we'd look upon the one, we pierced. A Prophecy given by the Spirit. And what came out? Blood and water, there's enough medical evidence there that Jesus was dead at least a half an hour or an hour before.

In reflecting on the suffering endured by Jesus, it becomes clear that every detail of his crucifixion was meticulously designed to maximize pain and humiliation. From the physical tortures inflicted upon him to the fulfillment of ancient prophecies, his journey to the cross was a combination of divine purpose and human brutality. Yet, in the midst of his agony, Jesus displayed remarkable clarity of mind and purpose, fulfilling his mission with courage, never backing down from the TRUTH.

THE WORD OF GOD!

[hellenhighwater]

Best study tips?

Oh you don't want that advice from me. My law school professors are still using me as an example of don't do this (unless it works for you (but it won't unless you're crazy.)) I am an undisputed queen of the eleventh hour caffenated cram session, followed by a 90 minute REM cycle and fugue state exam.

I guess the only things I can say, in good conscience, is to give yourself a place to study where that is the ONLY thing you do. I learned really fast that I cannot study at home. I'm too easily distracted. So instead I would study at the lawbrary for as late as it was open, (usually 2 am) and then relocate to a 24 hour diner if I needed to keep going. Even a noisy diner was easier to study in, because there's nothing to do there but eat or whatever work you brought with. I'm not saying that's necessarily going to work for everyone, but having a physical location where Study Happens really helped me maintain focus.

On a similar note, if you're trying to retain huge quantities of information, physically mapping them out can help. Not just with fitting the info together, but in helping your brain network it together in a consistent and recallable way. When I was Bar prepping, I literally covered the walls of my lawbrary study room with outlines and flowcharts of all of the relevant material. And when I needed to recall it, I would find myself at the testing desk, looking up into the empty space where that information was logged, and I would know it.

But honestly studying is just a process of figuring out what works best for you.

[adrift-in-thyme]

Time’s primary love language is touch

[shibaraki]

“why are you doing this” “because you were crying” HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU . I’M SUING FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

[fullscoreshenanigans]

(The Promised Neverland Art Book World)

Ah yes, one of my favorite genres of baby full score trio pictures: Isabella being openly affectionate toward Emma and Norman in front of Ray while being hands off with him.

(Chapter 2 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 165 | Chapter 170 | Chapter 177)

[chinzhilla]

Haven't I warned you before? That if you choose him over me, you'll lose him in the end. You can't love anyone.

[ohposhers]

made the huge mistake of deciding to do a big playthrough of all of Shadow's games before playing SxSG cause now every time I open steam it feels like this

[pterodach]

my very first sketch of him

[raceydays-hopelesshaze]

I think I should be able to kill republicans

[totalswagisland]

what scene even is this. why are they in a pile like a bunch of grubs...

[omegalomania]

it really is incredible, seeing how playing one song will spark the exact hybrid emotions that i feel like its meant to generate. pete prefaces by asking the 8-ball, should we play a song from ten years ago? and the 8-ball says my reply is no. so he asks, should we play a song about ten years ago? and so they do. and from the second that beat kicks in, the crowd loses it. they know what song this is, right away. patrick starts singing and the crowd sings back at him. they know every word to this song from an album released this year. theyre not just here for hits from a decade plus ago.

its a hard song to sing. maybe for patrick he has the benefit of distance - but technically speaking, its a hard song. its at an unrelentingly high register and hes singing this in the sweltering houston heat. he nails it nonetheless. there is an incredible elation in hearing this song live in a stadium of thousands, filled to the brim with people who sing along. there is an incredible depth of sadness in hearing the chorus over and over: i spent ten years in a bit of chemical haze, and i miss the way that i felt nothing.

patrick sings these high clear words and doesnt falter. andy and pete are the rhythm section and they keep the tempo, they hold the foundations, they are unshakable and if it is a difficult song for pete to hear live he doesnt show it. hes all smiles for the crowd. and joe...oh god, joe, who listed the kintsugi kid as his favorite off of so much (for) stardust, he plays this song live for the first time alongside his band, he plays the same melody on guitar that patrick sings during the choruses and in that way they are both singing alongside each other. when the song drops into the instrumental its just joe for a minute. just the rising tones of the guitar in this painfully vulnerable song, played to a stadium of thousands.

god, but my heart. im envious of those of you who got to hear this one for the first time, but im also indescribably happy that they played this one at all. its a special song. it deserved to be heard live.

[aboutmercy]

thinking about how dongsik and joowon are the inverse of each other. thinking about joowon's journey realizing that blood is not thicker than water, ties can be severed from abusive family members (no matter how painful that is) and that among many things, his father's cruelty is what took away and destroyed dongsik's family who actually were a positive force in his life. many things about beyond evil appeal to me, but i mainly want to put a pin on the central themes of the show, particularly the failures of adults and parental figures, how that ripples through the lives of their successors in an especially vicious and self-destructive manner. this is a commonality found between multiple characters in the show (minjeong, joowon and jeongje) - but i want to put emphasis on joowon's struggle with this because his path to freedom was walked to completion, in comparison to minjeong whose life was cut short and jeongje who we part with carrying the painful knowledge that he may never achieve absolution, as his journey has only begun.

the show, technically starts at the beginning of joowon's journey/arc. unfamiliarity and discomfort force him to adapt and self-reflect, because the only way joowon was able to free himself was by breaking every rule his father set for him, going beyond his selfish confines and breaking down the walls he built. joowon is unable to get his physical body dirty, he is emotionally closed-off and is incapable of understanding why the people in manyang, particularly dongsik, would look out for anyone other than themselves. he is selfish, rigid, guilt-ridden and bashful; but it is exposure to dongsik's unwavering faith in and patience for others (for jeongje, for sangbae, for the people of manyang that have wronged him for years) that erode his harsh edges. dongsik, although not without flaws and contrary to what his outer appearance and manner of speech radiate, is kind and forgiving. that kindess, that forgiveness, as well as joowon's own guilt and shame is essential to getting him to a point where he is comfortable bloodying his hands, his clothes, and his face to protect dongsik (+ jihwa and her partner. to protect his friends).

dongsik recognizes joowon's pain too ("i know what it's like to be blamed for something you didn't do"). he sees his guilt, it's not inordinate to what joowon's done per se but a large portion of it brings so much shame to joowon ("please, stop doing unnecessary things out of guilt.") how could i have been so self-righteous when the man who bore me is responsible for so much misery? how do i rectify this, how do i absolve myself from the guilt? all dilemmas joowon grapples with, and dongsik, knowing pain and shame all too well does not grant joowon mercy when he is bowed down, forehead to cuffed hands while joowon's own are also cupping dongsik's, begging for it. mercy is letting joowon go, it's lifting the burden of responsibility off his shoulders - but instead, dongsik’s final request ensures that joowon truly atones ("i ask you to arrest me" - "no, how could i do that? i have no right") by informing him that the only way to live with guilt is to try and do right by the people who expect something from him. "joowon-ah", dongsik says as he softly picks up joowon's clenched fist, the look they share informs joowon that going through with the arrest is how he'll do dongsik right. it's what dongsik, his now friend, expects from him. that's what their final scene as partners is all about, in my opinion.

and something good does come out of dongsik's firm but tender confrontation. joowon gradually becomes a better person who seeks community and whose life, in return, is enriched by the friends that forming community gave him. dongsik and joowon's parting is bittersweet, but in letting joowon know that his actions matter to others and that he is wanted and expected by others - (jihwa, as part of the larger collective whose feelings towards joowon are influenced by dongsik's, texts him and checks in - that expectation to show up and empathy for when he does not respond is an invitation letting him know that there is a place for him if he chooses to occupy any) - dongsik sets him free.

[strongerthanweak]

nmdnnms shape language testing or whsgeve the term is . I have erm.. just realzied I had mg post visibility off ermm.. itches mt head ahem (there's an itch in the back of mt head that only a shotgu

last 1 is based on convo w my bf gigigllels

[t4tcomputersex]

man they should let me be an astronaut. for normal reasons. i will not make out with the inside of the space station.

[flamingo--ing]

wahoo!!

[newdayslinguine]

currently watching ollie bearman aggressively scratch a nonstick pan with a metal fork. i want to die