#Canonical correlation analysis

[aphel1on]

not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

[elipsi]

today we are staying in until the library closes, then dinner, then to the club until closing. merry christmas

[flawseer]

#18 - "Fire"

Smaugust 2024

The last few submissions have been mostly visual, but today I want to do something more text-based. I'm always looking for opportunities to ramble ad nauseam about my headcanons and thoughts, but am usually hesitant if I don't think I can make a subject interesting or particularly insightful.

A few months back I was playing with the thought of publishing a speculative analysis on Pyrrhian dragon breath weapons, and how they might differ between tribes. I got up to the conceptualization stage, but then @sidyashchiy-na-plakhe came out with a better and more put-together version of what I was thinking about and touched on some similar points, so I filed those plans away to not step on any toes. If you're enjoying this type of deliberation, I recommend that you check out his take, as it is very thoughtfully put together with some cool visuals.

But, seeing as I have no other ideas for this prompt, and since it's been a while since then, I'm going to air out my scrapped draft here. I guess this is a mixture between canon information and headcanons, with a bias toward the latter.

General Information

Each of the seven Pyrrhian tribes is capable of using a kind of orally-discharged means of attack. For the purpose of this deliberation, I am going to refer to all of these as "breath weapons", even though not all of them are activated via exhalation. It will make things easier to talk about.

There are three general factors to each type of breath weapon, those being potency, range, and start-up time. In the case of fire breath--the most ubiquitous type of breath weapon on the continent--these would roughly correlate to the temperature of the flames, how far they can travel from the source while maintaining their shape and intensity, and for how long the fire must be stoked inside of the user before it can be expelled.

How developed these factors are differs for every dragon, but the two biggest determining modifiers are constitution and age. Being physically fit will make your breath weapon more efficient--and thus stronger--because you have better control over your breathing after exertion. As a dragon advances in age, the three factors all increase proportionally. A Mudwing hatchling can produce a puff of flame very quickly, but it will barely heat up the surrounding air. An elder meanwhile might take several minutes to get their fire going, but when they do, the result will be fearsome and devastating.

Fire is the most common element on the continent, with four of the seven tribes being able to command it. I will go through those first and then follow up with the other variants .

Nightwing fire is a dark purple in color, due to a slight variation in the gas component that fuels the flames.

The flames have no particularly outstanding properties strength-wise, but they emit comparatively little light, meaning they don't stand out as much against the night sky. This makes them ideal for low-profile ambushing, but very unsuitable as signal flares.

If a Nightwing ignites an object, the flames will gradually lose this characteristic as they will begin to consume the air around them and turn into ordinary, orange fire.

Nightwing flames are sometimes colloquially referred to as "Moonfire".

Sandwing fire is, on average, the least powerful among all the fire-breathing dragons. In terms of potency and range, flames emitted by a Sandwing of 20 years will be roughly equivalent to those of a twelve-year-old from the other fire-breathing tribes.

Their unique advantage is that Sandwings can produce these flames extremely quickly, usually within seconds. If readying fire takes a dragon 30 seconds, an equivalent Sandwing can do it in 5.

While for most other dragons the use of their breath weapon is a deliberate and calculated affair, the severely reduced start-up time allows Sandwings to "shoot from the hip" without having to commit to the action, making them less predictable in combat.

A popular Sandwing combat technique is to open a fight by blowing a quick plume of weak fire into an opponent's face and then using the resulting distraction to strike with their venomous tails.

Skywings command the strongest and purest variation of fire among all tribes. Their flames come out very straight and can maintain their shape over vast distances.

They can "cook" their fire by holding it inside themselves for longer than necessary. While this becomes unpleasant or even painful if done for long, it will increase the temperature and purity of the resulting flames far beyond what any of the other tribes are capable of.

Flames emitted after doing this for long enough will come out with an intense blue color that can cut through stone.

For dragons afflicted with firescales, all of the fire they breathe will be like this, as their bodies are already channeling flames at all times to fuel the burning scales.

Because Skywing fire is so intense, it is at times difficult to control. Skywings who become emotional will often start smoking from their nostrils involuntarily.

Mudwing fire, sometimes referred to as "moody fire", is very temperamental. Its strength will vary widely based on a number of different factors, not all of them fully understood, making it appear random at times.

The most commonly understood factor that influences a Mudwing's fire is the ambient temperature. Mudwings will struggle to produce flames in environments that are too cold (close to freezing weather, very cold water, etc.). This can be partially mitigated by ingesting hot stews, soups, or beverages before fire usage.

A factor that isn't as well documented is that the Mudwing's fire breath and their uncanny healing factor are fueled by the same source. This means a Mudwing's fire will be strongest when they are healthy, and begin to diminish if they become injured, as their body will divert resources away from the breath weapon to prioritize keeping itself alive, functioning, and mobile.

Mudwings hatched from blood eggs have a tendency to develop poor breath weapons, as their super-charged healing factor--while potent enough to outpace most damage sustained from fire--is even more resource-hungry than that of a regular Mudwing.

Icewings don't breathe fire. Instead, they are able to exhale a stream of frost magic. There is nothing I can think of to scientifically explain all the properties of frostbreath as they are presented in canon, especially with regards to Queen Battlewinner. Ice that makes you lava-proof? Nah, this is straight-up magic. All Icewings are born with a small piece of magic and this is how it expresses itself.

Contrary to popular belief, frostbreath is not stronger than firebreath. In terms of general characteristics, Icewings and Nightwings are actually roughly equivalent.

What makes frostbreath more overtly lethal than fire breath is the magical component. When frostbreath comes in contact with living tissue, it will form ice crystals on and inside the surface. All flesh in contact with these crystals will gradually turn necrotic. This process is very painful.

The crystals are very persistent and it requires sustained exposure to intense heat to melt them. The best way to accomplish this is via prolonged bath in warm water (close to boiling). This method, if applied quickly after the injury, will usually result in recovery after a few hours of bathing.

Getting hit while in a situation with no access to warm water is very dangerous and potentially lethal. If treatment does not begin soon after, the crystals will begin to spread, killing more tissue and making recovery increasingly less likely, especially once the injury spreads to internal organs.

It is not uncommon for soldiers who get hit by frost breath and are caught out in the open with no treatment options to cut off the afflicted body part to minimize tissue loss.

Icewings are more resistant to frostbreath than other dragons, but not fully immune. They can succumb to the same injuries.

If an Icewing suffers an intense burn, particularly in and around the face, they become completely unable to exhale frost until the burn begins to heal.

Rainwings do not have a breath weapon. Instead, they produce an acidic venom within their bodies, which can be administered through biting, or launched at targets through a pair of collapsible, hollow fangs.

The gland that produces this venom needs sunlight to develop properly. Once the Rainwing has been exposed to sufficient sunlight, venom production will begin, and may even continue without further exposure, but it is recommended to sunbathe for at least 5 hours a week to keep the gland healthy and the venom potent.

The venom is strongly corrosive and able to dissolve most organic materials like wood, plant matter, and flesh. It is potent enough that, if it enters another creature's blood stream directly (via bite, an open wound, or the eyes), that creature will die within seconds.

The venom's lethality will rapidly decrease once it separates from the user. If it hits surface tissue and has to burn through layers flesh, it will usually lose too much of its toxicity before it reaches the blood stream (though it will still function as acid and be excruciatingly painful).

Rainwings are immune to their own venom, but not the venom of other Rainwings. Mixing a sample of venom with the venom of a close blood relative will cancel out the destructive properties of both.

Seawings are amphibious dragons who prefer to live in water, but can also go on land and exist there in relative comfort for a decent while. Their body contains an organ that stores water, from which it periodically draws to keep the Seawing's skin from drying out.

When under duress, a Seawing can forcefully expel the contents of this organ through their mouth as a pressurized jet of water. While this is not very destructive, it can momentarily stun aggressors and allow the Seawing to retreat to the safety of a nearby lake or river.

If the blast is held inside and charged up similar to the fire breath of other tribes, the Seawing is able to draw from their body heat to increase the water's temperature to scalding degrees.

[rivangel]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

[gold-rhine]

Can I ask for your thoughts on Collei? Character wise, your analysis is always fun

disclaimer i didnt read the webcomic, i'm a dragon age survivor and i firmly believe that if you want something to be canon in GAME, it needs to be present IN GAME, and not in one of the adjacent ten books or comics.

that said, i understand that the main issue ppl have is collei having dark backstory and being closed off and aggressive in the comic, and then in sumereu aq she's sweet and awkward bumbling teen. which is like, if you want kinda rude and abrasive survivor girl representation, kinda sucks. which i agree with. but also, i don't think that survivor of violence and abuse ending up as sweet, but awkward teen due to being cared and loved by others, is bad. i think its good. and she's not like "cured" to normalcy, she still clearly struggles, they had the sweetest storyline in that one event with sucrose about that, and also the incident in archon quest where she's triggered by paimon yelling. the problem is thats there wasn't coherent journey shown to the player.

what i think would be good. and bear with me here. if aranara quests were structured around collei and not a random npc. like listen, collei already fits the premise of "we need to organize the aranara magic fest to cure abyss corruption of one girl", bc she has the dead gods corruption injected by dottorre, right. and this is different from eleazar, bc eleazar is from ley line corruption, she's probably more susceptible to the second type BC she has the first type, and its the root issue that needs to be addressed.

it'd be good for aranara quests bc right now their narrative is kinda wonky. like the lore is very interesting and the aranara are cuties, but plot is like. just going to random places and doing lore things that aranara told us to do. which is why it seems too long for most players - it just doesn't have any dynamic, any ebbs and flows that good plotline should have to keep player's attention, it doesnt have a NARRATIVE DEVELOPMENT. we don't have any character progression we can track and be worried about. we have our aranara buddy and he's great, but he doesn't have any conflicts, he's just ":D" all the time. it feels static right until the finale, where action suddenly peaks.

now collei has canonical inbuilt conflict that correlates beautifully with aranara. she's a teen whose childhood was stolen from her, who was always focused on survival, who struggles to trust people, but also to trust the world in general, to find joy and wonder in it instead of constant dangers. its all described in her stories, it just not dramatized in game. if we add her as companion in aranara quest, we immediately get the development progression i was talking about.

she doesn't see aranara at first at all, even if we are surrounded by them. she thinks its a bit cringe that traveler is talking to imaginary friends, but she's respectful, bc traveler is trying to help her. but as they go thru the quests and she meets new people who tell their stories and sees miracles like dead trees blooming right in front of her eyes, she starts to open up. she starts to go along willingly and sees aranara for the first time - briefly, its gone soon, but she remembers and CHOOSES to believe, chooses to trust, and then she sees them more and more often, until at the festival during the grand song the entire village, hidden magical world finally opens up to her.

[39oa]

(nonsensical hrpf data exercise) degree centrality graphing & other archive insights

intro/prior work

hello 🙇‍♀️ i'm not sure this post will make any kind of sense at all, but i love analyzing ao3 data and i especially find it fascinating in the realm of sports/hrpf because of the amount of player- and team-related attributes that offer dimensionality to fandom analysis when examined in parallel with archive metrics. i've already kind of done hrpf overviews on two separate occasions over the past year or so, but my method of collection differed in each instance and also always gave me new things to chew on and potentially explore, such as expanding on the link between player talent and shippability and whether high-draft picks have more fic written for them on average.

i most recently examined player data based on aggregated relationship counts since 2022, but this was a limited snapshot meant to piece together recent ficdom trends (see top ships since 01/01/22) and not be representative of fandom overall. basically, things i want to visualize/talk about now are:

hockey is so widespread as a sports fandom because there are 32 teams in the league, which when compared to a community like f1 makes it difficult to succinctly summarize primary relationships for. there is no self-contained grid of 20 drivers that remains generally fixed within a season, where every move in/out of that "roster" is highly reported upon and instrumental to fandom makeup, but instead a more amorphous network of malleable rosters featuring high-variance cascading orders of character visibility; in short, the difference between the most and least popular driver in f1 fandom is not the same as the difference between sidney crosby and that one ahl lifer who was called up to your 4th line two months ago because your team is utterly decimated and gunning for bedard.

Still: because rosters are so malleable and trades happen with some amount of frequency, and because hockey is still an "insular" ecosystem in terms of geographic accessibility and junior-age development (for better or worse; mostly for worse, but that's neither here nor there), players intrinsically have a low degree of separation between one another, whether it be as teammates now or as friends growing up in the ohl, ntdp, etc. i therefore wanted to take that a step further and look at it through fic metrics especially: can we use a summary of ficdom's real, tangible output and visualize it through a similar network? (+ where and how does that network differ from player connections in practice?)

back to the impact of draft pick # and assessments of talent relative to popularity, i also wanted to look at the most "successful" ships in ficdom from this network and evaluate the different distributions and impacts of their respective attributes. are certain player positions more popular? which nationalities are the most commonly shipped?

etc. But let's just get into it.

process

getting any kind of information from a 60%-locked fandom on ao3 is a nightmare and introduces a myriad of data-collecting limitations, so i do feel it important to disclaim that what i present in this post functions more in the realm of Approximate Interpretation and Potential Correlation than any actual 100% objective representation of fandom metrics.

a perceived limitation i have with character tagging metrics on ao3 is that they don't exactly reflect shippability; that is, if q.hughes is tagged as a character in a n.hischier/j.hughes fic, it gets attributed to his character tag but doesn't actually say anything about how many Relationship Fics exist for him on a whole. my best solution for this was essentially uncovering most of a player's relationships and summing their individual fic counts to create an approximate # of "relationship fics" for each player. so any kind of shippability graph going forward will use that metric.

i used ao3's relationship tag search and filtered by canonical in the men's hockey rpf fandom and only pulled relationship* fics ("/" instead of "&") with a min. of 20 works. ao3's counts are... Not the most accurate, so my filtering may have fudged some things around or missed a few pairings on the cusp, which again is why all the visuals here are not meant to show Everything in the most exact manner but function more so as a "general overview" of ficdom. although i did doublecheck the ship counts so the numbers themselves are accurate as of time of collection.

(*i excluded wag ships, reader ships, threesomes to make my life easier although i know this affects numbers for certain players, hc/gm ships, and any otherwise non-NHL Player ship. for ex., this eliminated anna kasterova/evgeni malkin, tyler brown/tyler seguin, and kyle dubas/william nylander, just to name a few)

all ship data was collected march 16, 2023.

PART 1. SC87 ship networking

when i first began this exercise i tried graphing ships for all the first-overall picks from 2003-2022 because i wanted to get an overarching sense of their connections. however, doing so made me realize that sidney crosby was by and far the most-connected node in the graph (and basically all hrpf in general) with a degree of 11, and that he was centering one huge component to which only two ships failed to connect (op/kj and slaf/xhekaj). basically:

so then i was like, right! let me instead use sidney crosby as my sole starting node, map out all ships with 20+ works from him specifically, take the players he connects to and map out their corresponding ships (excluding sid) and just keep iterating until i basically reach a final child node. through this, i yielded 112 ships and 98 unique players, with my final connecting node coming 9 degrees of separation away through brady tkachuk ↔ tim stützle/quinn hughes. unfortunately i can't actually host this little code snippet anywhere lol but i also wrote an input to check the pathways between any two players which was kind of fun:

here is the actual network graph with colors from automatically generated clustering, which doesn't really mean much but i thought was one nice way of presenting it. the edge width refers to the sum of fics for each ship and the node size refers to the degree, or number of ships, for each player.

i then also joined my player set with a dataset that included draft year, drafted team, position, etc... and through that color-coded the graph with the team each player was originally drafted to (i always struggle between using current team and draft team because which one matters more is super contextual, but... using draft team made my life easier this time so i hope it's still interesting.) here i only included colors for 13 teams that had 3+ players each:

→ [full-size graph]

we can do a bit more analysis based on this specific sidcros network, like which players are the "most-shipped" or overviewing cross-team shipping tendencies:

but! of course, not ALL big hrpf ships lead back to sc87. using him as a central node essentially just helped me filter out excess "noise" when searching for relationship tags on ao3, because now i could exclude anyone connected to him at all (note: the relationship fics from my set equaled upward of 19,000 works, accounting for 60.4% of the entire men's hockey rpf archive) and hit other significant tags more efficiently.

through this method, i singled out a new set of 76 ships and 134 unique players (notice the significant decrease in overlap), which i then combined with my sid ships to create one massive set of Hockey Ships With Over 20+ Works On Ao3 that i could analyze holistically. no idea if this makes any sense but bear with me:

PART 2. general ship insights

i won't bore people with endlessly listing out ship rankings but here's the previous top chart with the new ships slotted in:

now for some overall player analysis!

first i wanted to look at how attributes like draft round, nationality, and position (F/D/G) are represented in the player set.

the nationality distribution is pretty close to all active nhl players this season, so there aren't major disparities there. however, the vast majority of players 1) were drafted in the first round and 2) are mostly forwards, with the forwards also seemingly reflecting the general philosophy of faster development/higher recent-round representation. we can take this overview a step further and actually examine the fic averages for each characteristic as a proxy for measuring shippability/ficdom popularity.

first, i scatterplotted all players by their draft pick and number of fic to (try and) show the heavy skew toward top picks (inspired by the gar draft pick value curve and other similar plots). this is... well, limited in many ways, and if i had an actually adequately large dataset i could specifically plot averages per distinct pick number and try to present something there, but the problem is that a lot of these later pick numbers only have like one player so there's way too much variance LOL.

but just for the sake of this exercise i excluded j.benn as an outlier and grouped fic averages by round (left below). again, noting the sample sizes, let's just say that first rounders on average seem to have the most fic written about them, even if it's not a particularly shocking insight. we can also try creating a histogram for "shippability" by draft year, binning here for every 2 years, to see which draft years appear to have had the most success (right below). note the peaks around 2005 and 2015, aka the sc87 and cm97 ~Generational Years~ 🤔

i've also been interested in figuring out which positions are commonly preferred—since centers are so often the faces of a franchise and are essentially the most sought-after position, and since goalies occupy a positionally static role/are less oriented toward contact (and the presumed homoeroticness thereof) in the way skaters are, is that reflected in the fic metrics as well? turns out: yes.

some ship analysis

learning more about player data in a vacuum is fun, but we also have all of this relationship data that lets us examine how different characteristics interact with each other, which is meaningful as well! for example, we know that forwards are heavily represented in the dataset, but is center4center the most common combination? or is there love for a franchise center and his beloved winger or the team's dependable 1d?

(fought for my life trying to figure out how to map this properly so please accept a horrible bar chart instead) as it turns out, the most common combination is centers/wingers, followed afterward by centers/centers. i don't know whether this really means much to me because i'd like to dissect the combos even further (is C/C more often 1C 2C or cross-team rivalry 1C shipping? are C/W usually linemates? etc.) but 🤷‍♀️ here's a graph.

i also distributed ships by their nationality combination, displaying to the surprise of no one a heavy preference (a whopping 66.4%!) for north american-exclusive shipping. i also thought stacking by "draft year" (= averaging the draft year between both players for each ship) offered some interesting insight into usa4usa shipping having slightly younger representation. also i do think usa/germany being singlehandedly driven up this chart by one family is remarkable and hilarious LOL.

also in the realm of draft year analysis, i wanted to look at draft year differences and whether fandom preferences seem to lie by way of same-age-ish pairings and In-Class Bicycling so to speak. graphing ships by these differences spanned a range of 20 years, with the oldest "age" (draft) difference being 20 years between zdeno chara and charlie mcavoy. overall, of 175 ships with a drafted player, 60.5% were drafted within 2 years of each other (18.2% in the same draft), and only 5% had a draft difference of 10 or more years.

then, of those 32 ships drafted within the same year, i distributed their counts by year to see which draft classes featured the biggest in-class clusters, leading us again to the Famed Class of 2015:

closing thoughts

i'll stop here :saluting_face: something else i had on the agenda that i don't really know how to adequately explore with this dataset is basically stanley cup champion stuff, e.g. looking at players and ships and fic counts from winning teams and how/whether a sort of "winning bias" has been trending down as of late (see the relative success of ships from teams like phi/ana compared to tbl/stl)—temporal data is so particular and difficult to wrangle with ao3 though so i'll have to let this one percolate a little bit.

finally, another thing (!) that i love examining is captaincy and how it often helps inform shippability; C/A/guyswithletters shipping obviously generously overlaps with being drafted early, high-impact players, some positional stuff like Young Star Center having the role foisted onto him, etc. and many of these aspects are immediately identifiable in top ships like 8771, 1634, 1386... just to name a few obvious ones. unfortch i don't really have the time or space to look at that here but it's something i'm still interested in maybe expanding on, and i also never ended up collecting actual skater *performance* data which would be super fun to eventually get to, e.g. mapping ficdom output to not just background identifiers like draft year/pick but also 1) actual tangible evaluations of player goals/points/(salary?!?)/etc. and 2) some dimension of draft outperformance/underperformance, which is pertinent for scenarios like late-round picks who have defied career expectations (see outlier jbenn having a shit ton of lifetime fic) AND early-round picks whose trajectories have not panned out as expected for whatever reason; often the ~tragic~ frustration of being a bust actually invites more narrative focus and scrutiny, but at the same time ficdom trends have pointed themselves to being attracted to many historic, talented, generational, and so on players, who more often than not are also winners, which potentially posits a need for some sustained line of access/visibility to high-expectation players significantly before they're regarded as "busts" in order to organically grow and generate initial interest that can survive the renewed reality of their situation. but who knows

again, i don't know whether any of this even makes sense or is interesting to literally anyone at all, but i personally enjoyed just dicking around graphing shit and getting to join a ton of tables together for absolutely no reason lol. that's all!

[detectivekirigirislays]

absence makes the heart grow fonder - la brava, gentle criminal: correlations to bkdk

was gonna post a thread ab this on twt but i dont get much interaction there so i'll post here😭 (excuse my inactivity from posting)

here's why i think this line of la brava and gentle criminal (LB & GC) fit the current relationship of BKDK, and other parallels of both couples ---> an analysis !!

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

this is a line both simultaneously said by a canon couple in the series, LB and GC. the line is spoken when the flashback talks about how GC's first wish is to see LB after all the time they've been separated from one another, whilst on LB's end, this line refers to her desire of being by GC's side and how the idea alone already makes her happier than ever.

LB's quirk gives GC a power boost simply out of all her pure love and admiration for him, and in return, he utilizes this power and gains his strength all thanks to LB being by his side.

now, how does the line correlate to bkdk, esp bkg, exactly? well for one: izuku's absence made bkg continuously yearn and await his arrival, even putting his life out on the line if it meant izuku would come back to save them and fulfill his part.

-- it isn't that he is only awaiting for izuku simply for their assigned missions, but because he yearns for him so much that he's willing to put his life out on the line for him, that his last thoughts are all about him and his last words are dedicated to him, that the idea of izuku being by his side was a comforting idea for him, similar to how LB was already content with just being by GC's side no matter what. later on, bkg even somewhat confirms his yearning for competing and being by izuku's side in ch424, where he reveals he had a thought of being by his heels for the rest of their lives.

when bkg revives, he comes back searching for the first person he's been long awaiting to reunite with: izuku. when they lay eyes on each other, they are both finally relieved, content, thankful that they get to be by each other's side in the war. they're in sync, with bkg getting a crazy power boost and izuku understanding him even without any words being spoken as they execute their plan flawlessly.

LB and GC's reunion after so long ended with tears, and bkg and izuku's reunion post-war in the hospital also ended in tears.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" --> bkg's personality shift from losing his life for the first time and the possibility of losing the chance to be with izuku, his concern for izuku as he always rushes to him despite his concerning health conditions, dedicating 6-7 yrs of his life leading a proj to bring izuku back as a hero, why? because izuku's absence makes his heart grow fonder for him, it makes the heart yearn deeply for him to return, because just like izuku's devastation losing katsuki, katsuki is just as devastated losing someone so important by his side, as after all, he held onto the idealization that they'd be competing for the rest of their lives, right?

Congrats to bakugo katsuki and la brava for being the ultimate yearners of the show: my hero academia! 😻

[midniiights-garden]

My take on Mizu's character (+ why I don't actually want her to end up with someone at the end of the show)

Ok so, I'm going to start off with my analysis on Mizu before moving onto the possibly controversial part of my post which is: Why do I not want her with anyone?

Mizu has, obviously, a lot of trauma. Ranging from the trauma inflicted onto her because of her mixed race and around her gender and her role as a woman. And to add onto that she has ended up developing a trauma towards intimate relationships and relationships in general due to both her mother and Mikio playing a part in breaking apart her trust.

Despite what a lot of people seem to headcanon I do not think Mizu is non-binary. And before people get mad I say this as someone who is non-binary myself. Mizu is a woman. A woman who has not been able to explore who she is as a person because of the fear of being caught. I believe that deep down she holds this interal mysogyny, not because she hates women but because of what the societal standards are for them. She correlates anything with femininity with negatives (being married off, sex work, being treated as property and so on). This causes her to be reluctant in showing her feminine side, but this does not make her any less of a woman.

Next up is her relationship with revenge and positive emotional outlets. Due to her less than happy past she has formed an innate reaction to link vengence as her only outlet to some form of freedom. In the end, a lot of what she does actually prevents her own self-healing, even if the people she is out to kill do deserve to die. The thing is, she formulates her entire outward persona on these people. On the revenge she plans to take and her anger. And what I'm trying to say here is that she is not herself. In the end, her own bitterness as well as her circumstances prevent her from healing herself, prevent her from allowing her inner self to become her outer persona as well.

This leads me on to the part that may be a bit controversial. I just want to put a disclaimer that this is my personal opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own so please do not hate me for this.

Because of the many issues in her own self and in her mental stability I actually would rather not see Mizu with a love interest. I want Blue Eye Samurai to focus around Mizu healing herself. I want to see her grow into someone that doesn't have destruction and death as her core. I want Mizu to accept and heal herself, a testament that healing doesn't necessarily need to rely on others, but is also attributed to self-awareness and discipline. I feel like pairing her up with someone would kind of overshadow her personality and would actually lessen the quality of the show rather than aid it. If she is to be paired up with a character though, I personally see her ending up with a woman.

(A/N: That's all!! I hope you enjoyed and I plan on making some general headcanon's for Mizu as well, although I do tend to try to stick to canon. If you'd like to discuss or add onto my ideas always feel free to do so!! :DDD)

[ladysakurascout]

My mind just won’t stop and wait for the canon information so thought I’d share what I’ve gathered! °₊·ˈ∗♡( ˃̶᷇ ‧̫ ˂̶᷆ )♡∗ˈ‧₊°

I’m really curious as to what Cooper Howard’s age was when the bombs dropped. I’ve seen break downs of the potential age for Lucy but haven’t stumbled across an analysis for Cooper 🤔 (mainly due to there being more dates to help conclude Lucy’s age range- which by using information stated in interviews and from the show should put her right at 25-26 years old)

(It also seems like Maximus’s age could be between 25-30 years old!)

Majority of what I’ve seen has been assumptions that Cooper’s age correlates with Walton Goggins’ age- which is 52. Personally speaking I instinctively feel like that is a tad older than the character could be, but this is just my interpretation going off little.

So here are my mental notes:

Janey seems to be within the 6-8 year range which reinforces to me that he could ideally be in his late 30’s-mid or late 40’s when the bombs dropped. While it’s completely plausible she was born when Barb and Cooper were already in their 40’s (with the assumption they are close in age), I still would like to think that’s later than normal in their universe. I’m specifically highlighting a range in the 40’s first because it would only make sense for Cooper Howard to be in his 50’s when the bombs dropped, with let’s say an 8 year old daughter, if she was born when he was in his early 40’s.

It seems more likely they had Janey during the 30’s year range, resulting in Cooper Howard potentially being in his 40’s when the bomb actually dropped.

Now, in Ep. 6 “The Trap” we see a scene where Barbra refers to her time at home while Cooper was off fighting in the American-Sino war (specifically in 2067 near the start of that war, 10 years before The Great War happens)

The dates obviously show that Cooper went to war before Janey was involved in their lives but also to add- I strongly believe Barb would have additionally pointed out in that scene how she took care of herself while pregnant or took care of Janey while he was away. Given that she didn’t, further evidence they conceived her after he returned from war (which would also go with baby boomer type logic).

This puts Janey’s birth year from 2069-2071, depending on her age, between the 6-8 year range. I’m betting she is 7 years old at the start of the Great War, and was born in 2070. (I went in a deep dive a couple of weeks ago and somehow found information that stated Teagan Meredith, Janey’s actress, was 7 years old at time of filming. However, I can’t find it again? Her actress is now 9 years old)

Now- if you check out the Fallout Wiki on Cooper Howard, you’ll see this: “In an interview with Collider, Goggins described the Ghoul in terms of "the person that he is 250 years later," giving a rough timeframe and bare minimum of his age range.[12]” This could have been a general ballpark from Collider, so it’s not quite proof of anything but I’m still going to use that information and try to determine around it!!

The fallout show takes place in 2297, 219 years after 2077, when the bombs dropped. If you subtract 250 years from 2297, that leaves Cooper with an absolute minimum age of 32!

Now if he was 32, that’d mean he fought in the war in this early 20’s and had Janey by 24 years old. That idea could be realistic for some people, but to me personally, that just seems off and too young. Cooper and Barb appear physically middle-aged, and it notes that in the Wiki, which one is typically not considered “middle-aged” until their 40’s.

Also to note- looking at the posters made for Cooper Howard’s movies he seems to look between the ages of 30-40! Also many men typically start showing signs of gray hair in their mid 30’s, which goes along nicely to me that Cooper Howard has just a little gray coming in on his side burns!

Putting my estimate that he was around 38-43 years old when the bombs dropped!!!

Anyway, I have some more minuscule details but my brain is starting to hurt, forget, and this is getting quite disorganized and long….

Comment a specific age if you have one or more details to share 🤩

[spiralling-spires]

Guys something happened and im back on my she ra nonsense. Help all my recent tabs are tma fanfic i need to go deep in my bookmarks to pull out the she ra stuff and follow a ton of she ra posters bc its been like two years since i was substantially aware of she ra BUT THE HYPERFIX IS COMING BACK I CAN FEEL IT AAAAGH

Its 12:44 am and i’m going to write all my thoughts and theories and you are going to enjoy them

1. Beast island is actually sentient and the reason it makes that signal is because it’s achingly lonely and doesn’t want its new friends (anyone who comes to the island) to leave. Little does it know it’s forcing its depression upon everyone that visits

2. Etheria and Eternia are actually twin planets, the First Ones are humans, and Eternia is far-future Earth (idk, Earth got a neighbour and then we colonized it? Sure sounds like humans to me). This explains why the First Ones’ language is made up of English phonemes and includes English words, and why Adora looks human.

3. Horde Prime used to be an Eternian, a very long time ago. His current form is the result of hundreds of years of incredibly vain genetic engineering and experimenting. He still isn’t fully pleased with his appearance and tweaks his clones every generation in an attempt to find “purity”.

4. Hordak’s “defect” is a result of this tweaking. Imagine inbreeding, except it’s one guy who keeps turning random genes on and off and switching out base pairs to see if it’ll make him prettier. Turns out there were some nasty genetic surprises in Hordak’s version of the code. As with any other clone that had such genetic conditions, Prime tossed him out in the next major fleet movement without running any analyses first. Running an analysis would force him to confront the fact that he (gasp) made an error!

5. The “general” thing wasn’t actually complete bs. Prime threatening to take Catra’s body as his own, was. See, Prime really wants to be this one perfect thing. Why would he waste time being a cat when he could be perfect? He has a special line of “generals” whose sole purpose is to house his mind. They have two additional eyes, the ability to grow those weird chin/cheek spikes, and the capacity to be much taller (all hidden unless he gives them specific hormones in preparation for inhabiting them). All this to say: Hordak might just wake up with four eyes open one day and promptly freak himself (and everyone else) out.

6. Entrapta has been in the center of a lot of explosions (esepcially when she was a teenager and hadn’t figured out the right balance of “pursue knowledge” to “lab safety” yet) and has replaced a startling amount of her body with prosthetics covered in a synthetic skin.

7. Hordak’s body wasn’t repaired by Prime in season 5. Prime just injected him with a bunch of painkillers (not enough to not be in pain, but enough to function) and covered up the arm holes. About an hour after the finale, the painkillers wear off and Hordak all but collapses. Having a chronic muscle/joint condition + being electrocuted + being possessed hurts. Man, he really went through it, didn’t he?

8. Based on Wrong Hordak, it’s going to be… really hard for the clones to get used to being outside of the hivemind. They will form cults. They will make new pieces of technology that will mimic the hivemind. They’ll scrounge for the chips and try to implant them in each other. They will find and beg (or threaten) Entrapta and Hordak to put back the hivemind. Hopefully people will have enough compassion for them to help them get used to being individuals.

9. All Eternians have the capacity to activate the Sword of Protection and become She-Ra (or gender-correlated equivalent). Horde Prime is, initially, Eternian, based on the other headcanons here, so he hypothetically could. Any clone could. Hordak could.

Wow! I forgot about some of these headcanons! This was pretty neat. Hope you guys like em too. Also I haven’t watched canon in like a year so there might be some inaccuracies, but at some point I figured that holding onto the thoughts until I rewatched canon just wasn’t worth it. And lo and behold now you can see all my random thoughts too!

[kerubimcrepin]

Analysis: Lance Dur Webtoon Episode 5, The Third Death

(aka, Ronik's "let's try reading too much into some comics, and the Lance Dur series" challenge)

TW: Discussion of Child Abuse (physical, emotional, psychological), Filicide, Patricide, Child Neglect. Just the usual things that come up when talking about Lysmee, Agard, Lance Dur, Kerubim, God Ecaflip, and Joris, and their character parallels.

When looked at from the lens of symbolism and motifs, this comic is one of the more important pieces of Kerubim lore we have. And I really, really mean it. I need to talk about it.

But to talk about it... I will have to do something bad. Something I really wanted to put off for as long as I could:

THIS POST WILL SPOIL THE ENTIRETY OF THE LANCE DUR CARTOON, THE LANCE DUR WEBCOMIC, AS WELL AS THE CIRE MOMORE WEBCOMIC.

For this reason, I will be placing this analysis under a read more.

The thing that really gets me about this comic, is that it explicitly makes Kerubim a character foil/parallel for Agard and Lysmee.

Once or twice, I might have said things like, "Joris parallels Yugo, Atcham parallels Joris," and so on, — because of similar troubles, or character beats, — but let it be clear when I say "parallel" here, I don't mean conjecture, or correlations. What is happening here, is a bit... different.

Through his inclusion in this comic, and the role he takes in it as a victim of the Cire Momore curse, — the same way Agard was, — an explicit parallel is drawn between Kerubim and Agard.

And, by that logic, between Kerubim and Lysmee as well, — for Agard is already her foil and parallel.

In a way, their being a trinity really enriches the way one can understand these characters, — they form a sliding scale, I think, — because for every mirror image they have, there is a small deviation.

From Lance Dur's genuine love for his son and failure at showing it for all those years, and Ephedre's hatred of everything, to Ecaflip's godly "love" being both cruel and transactional.

In a way, despite Cire Momore not actually picking victims in-universe, symbolically speaking, she is the unhealable, unbeatable wound of parental trauma, personified.

It's no wonder, her long-term targets, within canon, are Agard and Kerubim.

Something can have many different symbolic meanings in the same story. From the march of death, to the weight of parental trauma.

The past, with all the horrible things that happened in it, is as real as the future, and the ending it holds. And it's always coming for you.

Sometimes, they are actually two in the same. At least for Lysmee and Kerubim.

This is the level of parallels that Lysmee, Kerubim, and Agard operate on. Even though Kerubim being their parallel is only a minor thing, because Agard and Lysmee's stories are mostly intertwined between one another, it is still a good way to analyse things.

(I hope someone makes a similar post to mine, but mainly about Agard and Lysmee. I'm too much of a Kerubim fan to be talking about them...)

All three of them grew up with parents who weren't supportive of who they were as people. The onee person who was supposed to nurture them, treated them like an object at best (Agard, Kerubim), — or derived pleasure from their suffering at worst (Lysmee, Kerubim).

Between the two, Kerubim seems like the middle ground. Agard has a toxic, distant parent, Lysmee has a horrible, physically abusive mother, and Kerubim has a toxic, emotionally and psychologically abusive parent.

Their stories diverge, yet remain reflections of one another.

Lysmee dreams of breaking free, but is killed by her own mother in the end. Kerubim cannot die, or get rid of, his father. And Agard kills his father, — obtaining a tragic sort of freedom, an actual ending to their relationship.

Lysmee and Agard reflect one another with violence, with poison. They both plan their parents' death, but for different reasons, — a want to be free of abuse vs. a twisted way to show love.

Kerubim and Lysmee reflect one another in inability to die or move on, — cursed to live forever by their parent, out of hatred, or out of love. But it differs, — for Kerubim, an eternal life, marred by death, by disease, is a pleasure, because he has his loved ones. But Lysmee... isn't living. She is suffering, forever.

Agard and Kerubim reflect one another by loving their fathers despite how bad things were, but having a way to move on, just a little, and try to be better fathers themselves, — separate from their toxic parent. But Kerubim will always have to look behind his back, to police his speech, to try and please Ecaflip, — because he is always watching, and he can always take all of Kerubim's freedoms back, at the snap of the fingers.

The way Kerubim experiences his haunting by Cire Momore is emblematic of his relationship with Ecaflip — everpresent, clouding over his thoughts, yet, if he focuses on moving forward, he can ignore it, if just for a bit.

The way it ends, is also a reflection of their relationship: only Ecaflip can choose, when, exactly, Kerubim stops suffering, — and he will keep him in danger, until Kerubim gives him what he wants.

Kerubim tries to free himself of the pain that his relationship with Ecaflip brings him by using fatherhood, but only ends up mirroring the dynamics that caused him pain. Joris wishes he could help him, but he is literally seven, and he has no idea how, — besides staying by his side, together, for eternity. Suffering from a very similar pain to Kerubim, but because of Kerubim himself.

Forcing himself to parent his own parent, to try and lead him from his pain.

Lysmee tries to free herself from the pain of her mother's abuse with romance, but the circumstances against them are far too strong, — Gustav can't even begin to help her. No matter how much he wishes he could. The only thing he could do for her is to die and be cursed together for eternity.

The same way Ecaflip is the only one who can save Kerubim, and the only one who could have saved Lysmee was Ephedre, the only one who can save Agard is Lance Dur, — because, as I had pointed out, all of them are the reason of their pain.

But the difference is that Lance Dur truly loves Agard. He might not have been the best father, he might have hurt him, but he loves Agard, enough to make sacrifices.

And if it took her mother's hate to doom her, it's quite poetic that it took a parent's love and determination that can finally set Lysmee free.

[eiran-eye]

Late Till Appreciation!

Happy birthday Till!❤️

(Note that this post is non canon to the plot and is simply a simple observation of things that revolve around Till)

Warnings: Mention of Abuse, Needles, SA, murder—of alien guitars

Till is one of the main 6 characters that are seen in Alien Stage. He is also often paired with either Ivan or Mizi (both being a part of the main 6). Despite this however, there is more to him than his relationship to others!(Though it is still heavily needed to be involved).

Till is one of, if not the most ignored when it comes to his romantic crush. He highly values Mizi and refers to her as an angel. (ANAKT GARDEN NOTES) He likes her for her kindness and unwavering enthusiasm to the world. His performance on stage is also very much affected by his relationship to her. The song he wrote for Round 2 "Unknown" is a direct correlation to his feelings for her and is one of the fastest selling albums. His performance and demeanor on Round 6 also has something to do with Mizi. After Round 5 Mizi is declared missing and this sends Till into a spiral of depression. Instead of the enthusiastic and somewhat rebellious nature he tends to show, Till is more depressed and is shown to almost throw the round because of the news of Mizi missing.

Till however isn't all about his romantic crush.(Although it sometimes always seem to always be that way) We can't blame the guy! The only person he has gotten proper affection and care from is Mizi. Enough about his romantic crush and lets focus on other things!

Despite being the youngest of the casts, he is often referred to as a genius for his talent of floral art, and his musical genius. In the whole cast, he seems to be the only one playing an instrument. He was seen playing 2 instruments, the alien guitar( that he destroyed) and a flute (he used the flute since childhood). One of the listed talents "Floral Art" is seen only a decent amount of times. All of those were in relation to Mizi, yet all of them seem to always include Ivan. Happy News: Our Till, despite his.. punishments..is a normal in the BMI test.

Speaking of! Due to either his non ability to be adopted,his rebellious nature or other things. He is always bombarded by needles and many things just to be experimented on. A scene on Round 6 also implies that the aliens SA him when they feel like it (punishment). He is also always wearing his color due to his rebellious nature. At the end of round 2, he is seen tied up in his clothes (specific name of the clothes is much appreciated if able to mention). He is often seen with bruises and bandages.

He often rubs his neck/nape whenever uneasy.

He can be seen being quite shy whenever getting attention or affection.

Extra:

-his signature has 4 strokes

-You can see in a specific poster that he is the only one shouting, his song choice is rock so it's obvious why.

I love him sooo much I wish there were more I can say about it:(

Please remind yourselves that this is only from pure observation and from my somewhat partially accurate analysis of human emotions. This is not a Canon interpretation of Till and is only done for fun and enjoyment. His character is very unique and enjoyable to digest. If I had enough time, I would've looked at every episode frame by frame (I wish I was kidding). Hope you enjoyed my rant.

Happy Birthday to our underappreciated King ;)

[eclaire-went-bam]

Hi I had a few questions about the Dutch Van Der Linde NPD post :-)

I'm not trying to be rude or an asshole, I'm just genuinely confused because there seemed to be conflicting things.

You seem to agree that he has NPD but then call folk ableist for calling him a narcissist. Saying they're demonizing personality disorders.

I know and understand why demonizing NPD amongst other personality disorders is bad. But I don't understand why people calling him a Narcissist = demonizing.

Dutch is a terrible person so obviously people would point out his terrible actions along with a possible personality disorder. Because the disorder is a huge part of his character for some folk, which I'm sure it is for you.

I guess what I'm really wondering is what do you classify as ableist when it comes to discussing Dutch and his possible NPD?

The post, or I guess the way things were worded, made it hard for me to see your point.

Thank you :-)

rolling around tysm for the ask /gen!!! i did word things a bit unclear bcs a lot of my posts are catred to ppl in my own community so don't worry :)

i'm also using terminology associated w/ npd in this post so refer to tags if you don't know what something means

it's a bit complicated & i tend to over-explain so strap in !!

acknowledging he is a narcissist is fine! but the term "narcissist" very specifically refers to a mental illness & is a term very often mishandled

the problem lies here!

on one hand, people will know narcissist refers to npd specifically, but they won't care & are thus very explicitly demonising pw/npd. i've seen a great many posts (not just from this fandom!) who will call a character a narcissist, and then will proceed to prescribe that as the reason why a character is a bad person. npd is a personality disorder which yes, can often cause a lot of interpersonal conflict if not properly coped with, but it can also present in numerous other ways (eg, people-pleasing) — people who are abusive don't generally have npd and pw/npd aren't all abusive (many are actually abused themselves! if i had a dime for every article/post i've seen detailing how to make a narcissist crash, i'd be rich lmao). so automatically correlating abusive behaviour w/ having npd is very damaging to pw/npd

or,

on the other hand (this i see Most often), someone doesn't really seem to know that being narcissistic is a mental health thing and are using that word as a stand-in for a plethora of negative words — which is really easy to do given how much it's used incorrectly in a lot of anti-npd short form content (tiktok, yt shorts, etc ...). someone may use the word "narcissistic" when they're trying to describe someone who's self-centred, or rude, or aloof, or vain, or abusive, when they could use any of those other words just as easily while both being correct, and not including that underlying stigma

the vast majority of posts i've seen refer to dutch as a narcissist, are using that word in a derogatory sense to air their frustrations with the character — not as a genuine analysis, and not acknowledging the nuances of npd

it is important to note, many of these people would not call a character who is seen as a good person a narcissist, even if they may exhibit many narcissistic traits in canon, because narcissism already has a really negative stigma attached to it that they would be perpetuating. if dutch did nothing problematic in the entire series, i'd still headcanon him as narcissistic, but i get the sense that many just wouldn't because it hinges so much on the worst of his character

an egotypical may see dutch being simply careless with anyone but his own skin as he drags everyone down with him and call him a narcissist

whereas for me, i may see him desperately trying to appear as the greater-than-life man everyone talks him up to be to the point of delusion and self-sabotaging while everything is falling apart around him and call him a narcissist because yea, me too honestly !!

the first position is often tying narcissism to a shallow and overwhelming negative view of a character, because one may already have a bias that narcissism = living your best life as your family falls apart or something

so imagine like ;;; an allistic seeing a blunt character that is often viewed in fandom as autistic, and calling them autistic because of the outward bluntness — especially if they view bluntness as a bad thing. this view may perpetuate stereotypes about autism while also not really offering any nuanced look at the character. that, vs an autistic person seeing the same character and maybe relating to how confusing that social interaction was, and how awkward it must must've been for the character realising they did x y and z "wrong."

using the same example, there could be a character in media that's considered extremely blunt and mean to others, who's implied to be autistic. it's fine to not like said character, lord knows i'm thinking of a Few i hate, and being autistic doesn't excuse people from being mean to others, but to insult a character for being blunt because of their autism is pretty ableist! just like how having npd doesn't excuse any characters abuse, and someone can not like their vanity, but it'd be kind of ableist to insult a character for being vain because of their narcissism

or just like how an autistic character may unintentionally be mean to somebody due to misunderstanding social cues/being overstimulated/etc and will thus be percieved as cold and unkindly, a narcissistic person may percieve small criticisms as really pointed attacks that can cause crashes, which can cause us to become defensive & be percieved as childish or uncooperative (here's a good post that talks abt how certain problems may appear from a narcs pov, for example). these are just little things that oftentimes people who don't have said condition may not understand, which can contribute to a really flat reading of a character based on More Stereotypes

of course, you don't have to have a specified neurotype or mental disorder to headcanon someone with something (though i definitely recommend the Nuance ahaha), but i get the sense that when ppl use "narcissistic" with dutch, it's less of a respectful headcanon that acknowledges the disorder & how distressing it can be to not only others around him, but him as well, and more as a jab coming from the users own personal experiences from people they didn't like, or as a way to explain specifically just his abusive behaviour & nothing else (which is already a yikes cus that implies someone's automatic association with abuse is people of a very specific stigmatised neurotype). and i mean hey, dutch does deserve. Like. Multiple Jabs. (understatement). but it shouldn't be at the expense of people who actually exist irl who struggle w/npd

no i do not excuse dutch's problematic/abusive behaviour, i literally physically recoil from my screen whenever i see him do literally anything, and it's pretty evident that untreated Issues™ definitely contributed to him going batshit (especially considering as far as every account i've seen go, he was pretty damn Decent in terms of 1800's outlaws prior to blackwater), but i can definitely say that i do rlly relate with some overarching themes with him & can often pretty much hear what he's thinking sometimes without necessarily thinking something he did was okay. & again, there are sooo many words in the english lexicon, people can definitely choose words that aren't specifically related to conditions when talking abt what they don't like about him

so many other headcanons, whether it be regarding race, gender, sexuality, neurodiversity, etc, are treated with a lotta respect on this website! you'll hardly ever find someone seriously insulting a character's headcanoned autism, or gender identity, or anxiety, with such genuine vitriol. i've seen people also headcanon dutch with major depression or bipolar, but i've seen nobody use either terms to insult him — because we all know that's insensitive. so why should npd be any different?

so yeah i hope this made it clear, i don't think its wrong or ableist at all to to have discussions about how a potential personality disorder could've affected his thinking or decisions, but a lot of the posts i've seen have been less about discussion and more of just finding ways to express their hatred of dutch. which ;; i'm sure you can imagine how tiring it gets to see these kinda posts which demonise something you are, in a community for a game you really enjoy, and just have everyone in the comments/tags kinda nod their head. nnnot fun to always catch strays ^^;

anyways that's my spiel tysm for the ask i really like to Yap™

[cemetery-irises]

idv dynamic masterpost

character tags: i have not been tagging anything gonna be real. there is an au for a ghost town under #ghosttownau though

kreiburg redesign by @ollie-draws-things as are all other redesigns :3

ghost hunting saga with kreiburg

victor & andrew centric discussion (includes victor centered tea shop au)

luca redesign

emil redesign

andrew redesign

earliest discussion of the ale friend group (bounces between all 3 of them)

average victor and norton interaction (may be irrelevant)

luca sickfic concept + discussion of his time in prison, brief talk of emil and andrew + their fight or flight trauma responses

short convo about blankets and their favorite foods (may be slightly irrelevant)

canon andrew info!

brief mention of andrew's schoolplace trauma

another brief instance of schoolplace trauma directly connected to above post (this came days later)

luca headcanons! (courtesy of @olliesneweyes)

brief mention of luca things

second instance of ale dynamics (also may be irrelevant....)

andrew luca emil scarring and injury discussion

victor grantz was in the mob

1900s asylum information (related to emil)

luca+andrew prompt

"god must hate you, andrew kreiss" animatic by Robotto and touching on andrew's religious trauma and potential inferiority complex

first post touching on the concept of andrew hitting a breaking point (directly related to above post), ale dynamic is developed more and an andrew sickfic concept leading to this fic by @dulcifiedjaws

another addition to the andrew sickfic concept (notes are irrelevant here)

post where qpr polycule becomes the offical concept to the chain

long post about the dynamic, including alva's ressurection and norton as an onlooker to the qpr polycule along with andrew's concept of atonement

songs for both the andrew/luca dynamic and emil as a person, along with a brief discussion of emil's character and small scenario between andrew and emil

ale bonding activities and talk of their childhoods

hospital based emil prompts

lock and key based luca prompts

emil and andrew based long post, discusses andrew's childhood and a potential story change in which emil and andrew see each other as children instead of emil and ada

fanfiction based off above discussion (ough i wrote this one. my contribution to the trinity is done)

analysis of the saint bernard andrew kreiss animatic by sunny/ren, influences descriptions of andrew's childhood

andrew eats shit

picrew chain involving andrew's perspective of the other two and explanations by @olliesneweyes (also i publicly humiliate myself because luca doesnt have black hair or wear white)

images related to luca's experiences

images related to andrew's experiences (cw: religious trauma and negative self image)

images related to emil's experiences (cw: dehumanization and implied abuse)

analysis of a portion of void - melanie martinez regarding the andrew luca emil dynamic + relationships with victor and norton as people looking in through windows

discussion relevant to andrew's breaking point as well as a kreiburg interaction post ghost saga (plus orpheus i suppose)

short emil talk

more emil and andrew along with a brief childhood discussion

emil and luca dynamic tagged with #luca glances at him and realizes the feeling of tiredness exists #as well as yawning being contagious by @olliesneweyes

ale + norton post snapping incident plus the fanfiction for this discussion by @olliesneweyes

andrew kreiss room layout :] (related directly to above fanfiction)

concept for luca and emil finding out about andrew's repentance/worship also andrew gets compared to mothman which is. a good metaphor

rambling about andrew's anxiety and childhood trauma some more (plus norton, frederick gets introduced vaguely......)

emil shows up to the manor!!!

in correlation to above, emil's experiences getting to know the other two (plus a small andrew tangent)

norton gets discussed

concepts for Things (ale centered)

short emil fanfiction ough (courtesy of @olliesneweyes)

emil being lamb coded along with andrew and luca concepts

some more emil stuff (uwah he deserves the world)

continuation of this discussion on why norton had naught but a half loaf of bread and milk

involved characters (plus orpheus twink death)

rambling about andrew where he’s not miserable for once (very short but related discussion)

andrew’s job ramble (finally)

discussion on luca's time in prison (and a short but relevant discussion on the silent system)

another post discussing luca's canon lore

seperate picrew chain + talk of their beverage choice (norton is a part of this)

medieval au

ghost town au long post (more details tagged under #ghosttownau)

emil's introduction to above au

frederick centered discussion :]

love language post :3

someone help andrew he's so fucked (more in this vein part one and part two <- seperate discussions about the same youtube channel)

luca character talk through an analysis of a new jhariah song

revised andrew character analysis through official character tweets (extension 1 and extension 2

added conversation to above

i yell about emil + the others

andrew and the story of ingel

yelling about andrew some more

frederick learning english as a 3rd language and still being bad at it /loving

norton being petty n spiteful

what the fuck is the butler’s problem 💔

andrew and his learned habits + little bit of a concept with andrew/frederick

luca’s brain damage and how it affected his mental state

physical results of luca’s brain damage

andrew and emil dog parallels

continuation of this discussion about victors weird arm scars (TUMBLR DOESNT LIKE ITS FOR SOME REASON IM GONNA DIE)

emil and andrew dog parallels (im unwell)

coherent thoughts about andrew (song analysis 84628 /vvvpos)

gaslighting luca for information (related to this post)

victor stuff :3

mild ramble about andrew and his 5 yr old pencil grip

[puella-1n-somn10]

Sophocles; the Miracle Child of Melemele

Total word count: 2,096

This was supposed to be a brief analysis post regarding his parents alone, but, admittedly, I got carried away whilst writing all this down. Sincere apologies for those waiting on the Meguca!Penny megapost and analysis of the families present within the Sun and Moon anime; I will do my absolute best to bring both of them on the table as soon as I am able to. This has been, let's say, a fun little writing exercise that got way out of hand- but I am happy to confess that I did have my fun writing it all down, and do hope that you guys also enjoy what I have brought in- consider it a sort of a snack made to prepare you all for the next meal!

So, starting from the very top, I have noticed that a couple of the parents' designs within the SM season of PokeAni do correlate with some NPC models present in-game for quite some time now; specifically with Abe/Mallow's father and Sophocles' parents. In the former's case, he's clearly based on the chef class; just slightly tweaked and redesigned to make him resemble his two kids, which was surprisingly effective enough to give us a simple yet unique design that helps him stand out. Meanwhile, with the latter, they're based on the madame and gentleman classes respectively- down to the minute detail of both the father and said gentleman class possessing a grey watch on both of their left arms.

It really isn't a surprise seeing how these inspirations work in their favors not just design-wise, but also within the narrative; Abe is already present in the games donning the exact same NPC model, and it has been all but outright confirmed to us that Sophocles' family is of high societal status - with both Molayne operating Hokulani Observatory and the father being the VP of the tourism board -. These designs and their inspirations help them fit in to their roles seamlessly and perfectly; giving the impressions of who they are to the viewer and their respective without the need to state their purposes to us outright.

What caught my eye for quite some time, though, is that it does appear to us that Soffy's folks are quite, let's say, quite old when compared to the other parents present within the show; not just in appearance, but it's also clear to us through their mannerisms - with the both of them having this polite, old-timey, and jolly vibe they tend to carry wherever they went -. A rather innocuous detail to fuss over, but it is one that would throw a wrench at whatever timeline one might be working on once you take Sophocles himself into account; how he appears to be so young, especially with the rest of his classmates already being in their early teens and himself being at least 11 years of age in comparison.

While I could see that the writers didn't really think too hard on it, I personally believe that this little detail right here might provide more insight into Sophocles' upbringing and why his old folks are doing their damned best to provide for and help nurture him in the best way they could. As a matter of fact, I have half a mind to say that, alongside Kiawe's and Lana's families, Sophocles' might be one the healthiest family dynamics we have seen throughout the Sun and Moon seasons of the anime, and, by golly, I am really excited to explore their interactions and the core reason behind it all in as much detail as I could.

After pondering on the topic for a while, I've managed to muster up two little theories that might help bring everything together and provide more insight into Sophocles and his folks as their own characters. Bear in mind that, aside from the analysis of certain context queues and symbolic references, neither of the following proposals are anywhere near canon; they're merely nothing but my own 11 AM ramblings on a Sunday, but it is fun to speculate and place those three goobers under a microscope! These are simply my interpretations of the events that have lead up to the present day and the characters we are currently discussing, and if you guys have other proposals behind this you want to share, I highly encourage you to do so! We are here to inspect these characters through various lenses and perspectives, so the more interpretations, the better!

The first, and most possible, reason behind all this is that the two met during later stages of their lives; the both of them already having more than enough experience to not just create a healthy relationship between one another, but also grant their eventual future child a prosperous and loving home life where he could grow up into a promising young man- with his own skills and experiences evolving with him in-tow. This scenario would not only paint the both of them in a wiser light than what we've seen throughout their appearances within the episodes they're present in, but it also boosts speculation on who they are before they both met and eventually had their kid; what sort of achievements they have personally accomplished, what they've gone through to become the people they currently are, the circumstances of their own upbringings to begin with- all of these and more are essential building blocks to a person's overall character and how they view the world. After all, though they have their similarities, the differences between the two are almost night and day- and I hope I could bring said key differences to light soon! They, alongside the other parents of the main cast, deserve an analysis post of their own, and I hope I could share my speculations and findings with you all soon enough!

The second possibility, though, teeters more on the speculative and even symbolic angle, but still manages to fit like a well-placed jigsaw piece on a puzzle board. I should give you all the heads-up, though- it's best that you take a good look at the trigger warnings present within the tags before proceeding here; if what we're about to discuss is triggering to you in any way, shape, or form, click away now for the sake of your own health. I apologize for the inconvenience, but, once more, one must place the health of the reader in a higher regards over their creative projects. Please be safe, darlings.

What I am about to suggest next is that...in gentler terms, Sophocles was the child they have managed to conceive after such a stretch of time- after countless trials and tribulations. The toll of trying and failing to conceive throughout the years may have managed to take its toll on the both of them, but now look- the duo have finally managed to bring forth their little miracle into existence. They have given their all so that they could have their sweet little child in their arms, and now he's here; happy, healthy, and breathing.

This is a...rather grim scenario, but it's also one that makes a shocking amount of sense; after all, Sophocles is usually associated with either of the two symbols within the overarching story- lightning (which is to be expected, as he is an electric type specialist) and stars; the latter of which being a common symbol of wishes, especially when in the form of meteors. Heck, when you look at him back when he was a toddler as shown in the episode "Showering the World with Love", you can even tell that his hair at the time looked like a star!

Speaking of, within that same episode, we were also presented with the life cycle of the meteor pokemon, Minior; a species that is destined to one day make an impact on the earth's surface, live out the rest of their brief lives amongst its inhabitants, and float back to the skies as they dissipate into fine particles- marking the end and new beginning of their species' life cycle. It is in that episode where Sophocles had his first encounter with loss, and, according to some, might be where he tackles the root cause of his scotophobia; witnessing a friend he's managed to make at such a young age at the time fade in to the dark with no promise of return- dissipating into the vast nothingness of space peacefully and without a care in the world, for they have long come to terms with their destinies. There was nothing he could have done to change or prevent this, as this was one of the many set rules of nature, if not existence itself.

Once more, I have to repeat myself and state that the possibility of Sophocles being a couple's only success at making their own bundle of joy is shockingly dark- and I wouldn't even blame you for believing that this is way too much for Pokemon to ever portray. However, one most also remember that the topic of grief, as we've already discussed just now, is no stranger to the Pokemon anime, especially within the Sun and Moon seasons. As a matter of fact, one of the many overarching themes present with this set of seasons is, in fact, grief- it is this state of mind and deep sense of sorrow that drives a majority of our characters, whether that's been made obvious to us or not, and it is within these seasons that we learn of the many ways one might handle or even tackle the impact of sudden loss.

Besides, in complete contrast to our first proposal, it is also implied that both his mother and father have been a thing for quite the stretch of time now; from their choice of words and language in the EN dub, to them addressing one another via affectionate nicknames such as "love" and "dear". All that, and that's on top of the father being completely smitten with his wife; taking every opportunity to give her praises all while blushing like mad whenever she compliments him. To me, that's a couple that went through thick and thin via healthy communication, and are cooperating with one another to ensure that they manage to live their lives harmoniously.

"Hang on, didn't he also have an implied celebrity crush on Kahili?" Yeah, well Burnet also had one towards the Masked Royal before she knew he was Kukui- it's ok to find some people attractive or generally good-looking, just don't go out and form romantic relations without the awareness of your partner and cheat on them. :/

All in all- though these scenarios were born from mere speculation, they still stand as a testament to how well these three are written, and how the way they interact with one another grants leeway for fan interpretations and conjectures. While I am bummed by how we didn't get any more of their dynamic in the canon of the anime, I don't think it's time to close the book on them just yet; after all, if Kiawe's grandfather was canonized by the games - specifically in Pokemon Masters EX - years after he made his debut in the anime, then there might be hope for other anime-only characters later down the line.

Personally, I am hoping that they grant us more content in regards to Sophocles' old folks, and the reason behind this is mostly due to the similarities our child of the starts has with none other than Team Galactic's leader, Cyrus. They may share similar strengths, skills, and struggles- heck, it isn't hard to see that, once upon a time, Cyrus may have been in a similar spot as Sophocles back when he was a child, but, in the end, it is their respective upbringings that have molded them into who they currently are; a child who wishes to explore the stars with his partner pokemon, and a man who sought to destroy the entirety of existence by reweaving the fabrics of space-time so that he could rebuild it all in his own image.

To a select few, Sophocles was their little blessing; a bright and peculiar little child, indeed. To those few, he deserved to live his life in harmony and peace- with the opportunity to continue growing and honing his skills in a healthy environment. To those few...I can only hope that they are now glad with all their hearts; he has, indeed, become a talented young man with oh-so much just ahead of him.

Stand proud, Sophocles.

Stand proud...our dearest bundle of happiness, pride, and joy...

[jays-cloud-zero]

Dazai Character Analysis

Okay so, this is basically a Dazai character analysis for before his mafia days so buckle up. These observations are from what I’ve noted in readings of official Light Novel translations, No Longer Human, Beast, and the base manga obviously, but head canons may worm their way in despite my trying to exclude them.

Alright, so I think that logically this should proceed from a chronological standpoint, so I’ll discuss the time before Dazai and Chuuya: Age 15 first, which, while isn’t explicitly stated, allows a lot to be learnt about his character. Let’s start with the fact that in Fifteen it is said Dazai is not an orphan, shall we? He has been established as a suicidal character from before his first canon appearance aged around 13-14, therefore an event before he joined the mafia is primarily the cause of this mindset. This doesn’t really highlight a brilliant childhood, although knowing he was indeed homeless for a time prior to meeting Mori does create another potential reason for this behavior and philosophy. However, this knowledge of the fact he was homeless also just goes to show that while he did have a family Dazai would rather live on the streets than with them. I’m assuming that Dazai did have a living family due to the whole “he certainly isn’t an illegitimate child, or an orphan he picked up” thing in 15 when discussing his place in the mafia. Therefore his time on the streets doesn’t really set the scene for a loving family, does it? Thus, Dazai’s household must have been a place he either felt overlooked or trapped. An example that sticks out to me from No Longer Human is when Yozo feels he must pretend to be something that his family desires rather than what he himself wishes to be. In writing the gift he feels his father wants him to get, or acting rather silly for the women, he is essentially crushing his own personality and needs and stuffing them away. So Dazai obviously comes from a background that gave him trauma, most likely from his family. However, this most definitely isn’t the only trauma to come out from his time homeless. Particularly, his hatred of dogs which, in the light of the manga and wan, tends to be portrayed quite comedically. But considering his experiences within the slums it can be assumed that the literal stray dogs may be to blame for this. Packs are often known to become rabid or attack others for a chance to be fed, therefore its probable that Dazai encountered such packs and someone he was with or perhaps even himself were attacked while trying to feed themselves in less than humane conditions. Akutagawa also has this dislike of dogs, which correlates with this theory, as he is also from the Suribachi Slums (it also gives an interesting take on the title Bungo Stray Dogs, but that isn’t relevant here). Speaking of the slums, Dazai was invited into the Sheep, but declined which is quite interesting as the knowledge of ‘strength in numbers’ is known practically internationally. This may be linked to his biological family because as a boy trapped you probably wouldn’t want to chain yourself to another group of theoretically ‘helpless’ people.

Mori and Dazai as a duo are also quite fascinating, the mystery of how Mori picked up Dazai (ha-ha see what I did there?) leaves a lot up in the air, however what we do know is that an extremely young Dazai attempted suicide. Realistically it can be assumed that when the good doctor found him, he’d passed out and therefore was unaware of being moved to Mori’s clinic and so, when he woke up in an unfamiliar place, with a complete stranger and a traumatic background, Dazai probably started to freak the hell out. This helps to explain that panel from 15, where Dazai is strapped to the table with a mask on. No, it wasn’t some evil psycho experiment, it was just an aggressive child posing a threat to both himself and others therefore Mori sedated and restrained him which so happens to be a relatively common practice! I also feel that the ‘kinship’ Mori expresses in 15 may also have a part to play in why Dazai was taken into the mafia. The doctor most definitely has some form of trauma because no one just sees humans as pawns… but anyway, in seeing a child he could connect to he helped cultivate Dazai’s silly little genius brain and conditioned him a little in the process. Mori’s teaching method would have likely reflected how he himself was taught, and I feel like it would focus on the rules of the mafia (success = life type deal) since Mori was starting to plot to take over the underworld of Yokohama. I don’t think that Mori would have hurt Dazai directly, he does save lives for a living and hurting a suicidal child probably wouldn’t accomplish much, however he may have exploited a pet Dazai may have been attached to, I lean more towards a cat due to the nature of Catsume’s (Cat Natsume) interactions with Dazai and the fact he hates dogs. This whole idea of suffering at the hands of losing the war comes from Mori saying to Chuuya, “I am the pinnacle of this organization as well as its slave” in 15, it also reflects the fact that Dazai seemed to rise to the top of the mafia as Mori’s prodigy; he was being groomed to be a good leader if anything were to happen to Mori. It would also explain so much about Akutagawa’s ‘training’, as essentially, from the few snippets we’ve seen, Akutagawa was taught to be helpful to the mafia or die. Furthermore, it can be assumed that Mori and Dazai knew each other for at least a little while before the previous boss’ assassination both because of the familiarity Dazai had with the boss during their fight and the fact that no one just kidnaps a kid for a day to kill someone. Mori would have to at least trust Dazai wouldn’t spill the beans for a free tootsie roll, which requires trust to some extent. Mori teaching Dazai on the other hand comes from the fact that Dazai obviously didn’t go to school, he joined the mafia at 15 and was an executive by a maximum of 18, and despite people without educations still having intelligence in their own right, the level Dazai displays and the way he is always five steps ahead of everyone in the current manga timeline leads me to strongly believe he was given education through a more private and focused approach in planning, problem-solving and the like.  And that about brings me to the end of things I can think of to say about Dazai before canon, not sure if I’ll keep going past this point but we’ll see…