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aethelflaedladyofmercia · 5 years ago

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Mystery Science Theater 6000: The 1992 Screenplay

In the not-too-distant future, an angel and a demon sit down to watch a movie that probably shouldn't exist.

While they start out happily mocking the out-of-character moments and strange plot twists, one character in particular may be more than they can handle...

NOTE: Yup, this is formatted as a screenplay, originally written to be as close in style to Neil Gaiman’s original script...though the format actually turned out to be Tumblr-incompatible, so I’ve done my best to “recover” it.

FADE IN:

EXT. DEVIL’S DYKE – EVENING

Snow falls gently around a very comfortable COTTAGE. It is old-fashioned looking, perhaps Victorian; two-story, stone, with peaked dormer windows. It is nestled among the trees. The light from the windows is warm and orange.

Camera closes in on the window. We can see, through the TARTAN curtains, a very comfortable if eclectic LIVING ROOM. The furnishings are a mix of modern and old-fashioned, with everything appearing very lived-in and loved.

A figure in white and tartan sits on the sofa. This is AZIRAPHALE. He looks as comfortable and as loved as the sofa he sits on.

Camera pushes through the window and cut to –

INT. SOUTHDOWNS COTTAGE LIVING ROOM – EVENING

As we pan through the room we can see in more detail: angel figurines, potted plants, a few larger statues that probably have some story behind them, and many shelves of books.

There is a brick or stone FIREPLACE with a cheerful fire inside. Above the mantel is a large flatscreen TELEVISION. A figure dressed all in black with red hair is attempting to get a movie to play but such technology is baffling to everyone, including demons. This is CROWLEY.

Between CROWLEY and AZIRAPHALE is a large coffee table, also covered in books and a small green succulent. There is a bowl of popcorn, though AZIRAPHALE has already eaten more than half.

We can see the living room extend behind them into an open-concept KITCHEN and DINING ROOM. All three rooms appear to be made on different designs that do not blend together; perhaps the kitchen is silver, sleek and modern while the dining room has rustic knotty pine beams. The COTTAGE appears somewhat larger on the inside than it did outside.

More bookcases can be seen in every corner, potted plants in every window, and tartan accents throughout.

CROWLEY finally steps back from the television, remote control in hand. When he turns, we can see he has golden eyes with narrow pupils. A pair of SUNGLASSES is folded in a pocket of his jacket.

CROWLEY: Right, I think it will play now. Are you sure this is a good idea?

AZIRAPHALE: Certainly, my dear fellow. Over the past few months I have read many stories inspired by us. They are quite delightful fun!

CROWLEY: But how can they exist? How can people know the details? And how can there be a movie – based on what happened just this past summer – that’s older than Adam is?

CROWLEY walks back to the sofa, and drops more than sits next to AZIRAPHALE. He sprawls to AZIRAPHALE’s left.

AZIRAPHALE smiles at him softly.

AZIRAPHALE: Perhaps the events echoed through the time stream, inspiring humans in the past and the future. Such things are certainly possible.

CROWLEY: (Very sarcastic and scornful) Sounds ineffable.

AZIRAPHALE: Perhaps. Try to simply relax and enjoy the film, my dear.

Rolling his eyes, CROWLEY presses a button on the remote. The television comes to life.

As they watch, the screen fades to a PAINTING of the Garden of Eden, featuring traditional Renaissance depictions of ADAM and EVE and the apple tree; there is also an ANGEL in a white robe with flaming sword and a GREEN SERPENT wearing SUNGLASSES.

AZIRAPHALE: Well who are they supposed to be?

CROWLEY: That’s us in Eden, isn’t it?

AZIRAPHALE: Don’t be absurd. Why would you be green? Who are those – they look nothing like Adam and Eve.

CROWELY rolls his eyes, but there is no anger in it.

CROWLEY: That’s you with the flaming sword, isn’t it? So that has to be me. Garden, apple…

AZIRAPHALE: Sunglasses. Do you suppose you’ll have green hair in this film?

As they talk, the screen changes. As opening credits roll, we see more traditional artworks – a cave painting, an Egyptian fresco, the death of Julius Caesar, the discovery of America, a Victorian etching, and finally a 1920s photograph. In each, at the edge of the action, can be seen two figures – one in white, one in black and wearing sunglasses.

In the background can be heard the slide-click noise of a game of CHECKERS (or draughts) being played.

CROWLEY: Look, we don’t have to watch it. I certainly don’t. It got very bad reviews. We can just -

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, hush. Look, more paintings.

CROWLEY: (Disdainful) I did not go around Egypt dressed like that!

AZIRAPHALE: Yes, your outfit does seem to be rather lacking in gold. Is this supposed to be a museum? And what is that infernal clacking noise?

CROWLEY: Search me. Still trying to figure out why we’re photobombing history.

AZIRAPHALE: That isn’t how Caesar’s assassination went at all! And I was certainly nowhere near any ships sailed by that horrible Columbo fellow.

Despite his words, AZIRAPHALE appears to be enjoying the film. CROWLEY gives an occasional indulgent smile.

CROWLEY: The 19th century one almost looks like us. If I lowered my fashion standards -

AZIRAPHALE: Shh! It’s starting!

Despite this, neither shows any sign of ceasing to talk.

The title “GOOD OMENS” appears above two men playing checkers – one in white, the other in black and wearing sunglasses. They sit in an artwork-filled office at the BRITISH MUSEUM.

CROWLEY: Eh, not bad I guess. At least I look…almost cool. Trying way too hard.

AZIRAPHALE: Well, what are you doing at the British Museum?

CROWLEY: Playing draughts with you, obviously.

AZIRAPHALE: No you aren’t. That can’t be me.

CROWLEY: Of course it is. Look at those clothes -

AZIRAPHALE: Precisely. That jacket is absolutely filthy. Tsk. Besides, if I was at the British Museum, I would be eating that lovely cake from the café.

The first line of dialogue in the film goes to SCRIPT!CROWLEY, who is looking cool and angsty: “IT’S ALL GOING TOO WELL.” Dialogue continues as they talk.

CROWLEY: What sort of opening line is that? “…going too well.” Do I sound like that?

AZIRAPHALE: You do like to complain.

CROWLEY: About real, valid things. And not in clichés.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY realizes he is about to lose the game, and pulls the “what is that thing behind you trick.” When SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE falls for it, SCRIPT!CROWLEY moves a few pieces.

AZIRAPHALE: (Gasps with mock offense) Did you just cheat?

CROWLEY: You fell for it.

AZIRAPHALE:I told you, that isn’t me. You did! You cheated that poor fellow in a game of draughts. The cheek!

CROWLEY: Angel, who else would I have been playing against every week for six thousand years?

AZIRAPHALE: Certainly not me. I would have noticed you cheating.

CROWLEY opens his mouth, possibly to object.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): Don’t think I don’t know about how you cheat at coin tosses. And knucklebones. And Nine-Men’s Morris.

CROWLEY: (Scowling) Only because you cheated first.

AZIRAPHALE: It isn’t cheating to ensure the righteous triumph of good over evil. Oh, what are you complaining about now?

CROWLEY: Everything, I think. Boring? Did he say Earth is boring? Oy, get over yourself, you useless git. If you think you’ve got a better planet you’re welcome to it!

AZIRAPHALE: (Stepping over CROWLEY’s complaints without any real concern) Oh, who is this young lady?

Onscreen, the new arrival POLLY has addressed SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE as “Professor Aziraphale.” The real AZIRAPHALE’s face immediately falls, and he gives his double a scrutinizing look.

AZIRAPHALE: Well! I suppose not everything translated through accurately.

CROWLEY: Told you that was you. I can recognize genuine angelic smugness anywhere.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, she appears to be my assistant! Though in that case she should be back at my shop arranging the cobwebs to keep people out of the poetry section.

CROWLEY: (With the air of one about to deliver some very distressing news) I think you…work at the Museum.

AZIRAPHALE: Crowley, you’re being absurd. How can I work here? How could this be my office? There isn’t a single book in sight. Just a bunch of paintings and you – you’re flirting with my assistant! Right in front of me!

CROWLEY: (Angry, muttered as a threat) He really does need to get over himself.

AZIRAPHALE: (A little alarmed at CROWLEY’s tone) Now, dear, try to remember this is all good fun. I promise not to take offense.

CROWLEY: I just… I don’t like his attitude.

AZIRAPHALE: Yes, this…character does seem to be in a perpetually sour mood. Pessimistic. Brooding, even. I can’t put my finger on it, but he seems a little familiar…

CROWLEY: A little – you take that back, Angel!

AZIRAPHALE: (Grinning like a bastard) They certainly have the scowl down. Now I just need to hear you say “it’s all going too well.”

CROWLEY: I’m not playing your sick mind games. And I’m certainly not going to say –

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY says “It’s all going too well!” Our CROWLEY does a full-body cringe, while AZIRAPHALE laughs as hard as he ever has.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (To the screen) Could you – just – STOP?! No one wants to hear your pathetic complaints – oh NOW what is he doing?

Onscreen, SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE and POLLY have continued through the back offices of the Museum, while SCRIPT!CROWLEY saunters through the galleries towards the exit.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY pickpockets a Museum patron, and tosses the stolen wallet into an unsuspecting passerby��s bag. A fight ensues.

AZIRAPHALE: (Still giggling) Oh, dear. It would appear he’s much more demonic than you. Cheating at draughts. Petty crime. Starting fights.

CROWLEY: He barely inconvenienced four people. That’s not clever - (To the screen) You’re not clever!

AZIRAPHALE: It think it was very neatly done. Better than that time you glued a coin…

CROWLEY: What is this a trial?

SCRIPT!CROWLEY, now speaking to himself, repeats “It’s all going to well.” This is at least the fourth time the phrase has been uttered. CROWLEY continues to cringe every time it is said.

CROWLEY: What is that, his catchphrase? (To the screen) Catchphrases aren’t cool, you self-absorbed toadstool!

AZIRAPHALE: (Pointing happily) Finally, something familiar! Look, dear!

SCRIPT!CROWLEY is ranting about the Garden of Eden as he approaches a beautiful black vintage Bentely. A TRAFFIC WARDEN stands nearby, writing a ticket.

CROWLEY: (Smiling) Yes! You, know, it’s actually nice that even in this weird, upside-down reality I still – NAKED BIMBO?! He called Eve -

AZIRAPHALE: (For the first time, distinctly uncomfortable) Er, I suppose…sexism is…demonic?

CROWLEY is temporarily at a loss for words, hands bunching into fists on his knees. Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY crumbles up the TICKET and throws it into the back of the Bentley, where several hundred more litter the floor.

Our CROWLEY leaps half-off the sofa, clutching at the sofa arm to hold himself back. AZIRAPHALE is rather alarmed.

CROWLEY: You disgusting excuse for a – don’t throw trash in my Bentley! Take some blessed pride in – oh, for SOMEONE’s sake!

CROWLEY drops back into his seat as angrily as possible, while SCRIPT!CROWLEY races off, leaving the traffic warden with a burning notepad.

AZIRAPHALE: At least he…drives like you?

CROWLEY is not amused.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh. Er. They’re back to me now. I’m sure this will be. Um. Entertaining?

CROWLEY is not playing along.

Onscreen, several WEALTHY MUSEUM DONOR TYPES are discussing a Renaissance painting that needs to be authenticated. They appear incapable of doing so without stating repeatedly that SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE is as intelligent as he is mad.

SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE takes one look at the painting and declares it a fake, as he is sure he would remember it if it were real.

AZIRAPHALE: That scene was…entirely superfluous! What on Earth was the point of – of any of that?

CROWLEY: (Still not happy) At least you sounded like yourself.

AZIRAPHALE: I didn’t sound intelligent at all! I sounded silly and…and mad, like some doddering old – oooh, don’t you START.

Onscreen, we see SCRIPT!CROWLEY park the Bentley and begin walking towards “THE HELLFIRE CLUB (Anthony Crowley Proprietor)”

CROWLEY: And this git again. Now where is he?

AZIRAPHALE: Is that a shop? Why do YOU get a shop while I wander around a Museum making unfounded proclamations about art?

CROWLEY: Angel, nothing in this movie makes any… The Hellfire Club?!

AZIRAPHALE: (Gleeful) Oh ho! That brings back memories.

CROWLEY: I don’t know what you -

AZIRAPHALE: Fais ce que tu voudras, my dear fellow.

CROWLEY: (Blushing furiously) I swear, I never once – wait, you DID?

AZIRAPHALE: (Realizing he’s overplayed) Oh dear.

CROWLEY: What were you doing at Sir Francis Dashwood’s little get-togethers?

AZIRAPHALE: I. Er. I had a perfectly reasonable – oh, look, you own a disco!

CROWLEY is in no way interested in the bar and dance club, which has black walls accented with red-painted flames; nor in SCRIPT!CROWLEY making more comments about hating humans. CROWLEY is, however, smiling again.

CROWLEY: Don’t try to distract me with that tacky monstrosity. I know what kind of reputation that Abbey had. I think you owe me a nice long story about –

SCRIPT!CROWLEY says his catchphrase again.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (Glaring glarefully at the television) STOP. SAYING. THAT.

AZIRAPHALE: Another time.

Desperate for a distraction, AZIRAPHALE leans forward, studying the film. It now shows the club at night, filled with intense music and dancing patrons, as well as scantily-clad waitresses in red with fake horns and tails.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): Good Lord, what are those young ladies wearing? And the music! Positively atrocious!

CROWLEY: I will definitely be asking you more questions later. Lots of questions.

CROWLEY glances at the screen. He shifts uncomfortably, pulling a little more into the corner of the sofa.

CROWLEY: Ugh. What is this place? Why would anyone think I would spend one minute in a hole like that?

AZIRAPHALE: As I said, it would appear you own it.

CROWLEY: It’s ridiculous. Cheap and tasteless, dark, crowded, everyone pressed against each other with no room to move…

All the time he is talking, CROWLEY’s voice gets lower, his shoulders more hunched.

AZIRAPHALE quietly reaches over to squeeze his hand. After a moment, SCRIPT!CROWLEY leaves the crowded dance floor, and the camera follows him to his office.

CROWLEY begins to relax, nods to AZIRAPHALE. AZIRAPHALE releases his hand, but does not move further away.

CROWLEY: (Clearly trying to steady himself) At least this office isn’t bad. This was the nineties right? Or maybe the eighties? I was pretty into the bland hotel look then. Can’t really remember why.

CROWLEY glances fondly around the COTTAGE, no part of which can be described as bland or minimalist.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY sets up several candles, lights them, and begins talking to the empty air.

AZIRAPHALE: Reporting to head office…by candle?

CROWLEY: Lucky bastard. (Shrugs) The ways Hell contacted me were more… intrusive, usually.

AZIRAPHALE: (Catching some of the dialogue) Ah, this is more like it. I believe you actually DID take credit for sitcom laugh tracks.

CROWLEY: Made that one up. The airline meals were actually me, though. Ugh. Backwards messages? Definitely the eighties. Worst decade since the fourteenth century.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY has just been told something that the audience cannot hear, but which makes him very nervous.

CROWLEY: Nh. Looks like we’re getting to it now.

Once again, SCRIPT!CROWLEY says “all going to well.” CROWLEY! Clenches his teeth and growls with frustration

AZIRAPHALE: (With a sort of desperate cheerfulness) Look! No more club! We’re at the park. That’s good, isn’t it?

CROWLEY: You’re in a good mood at least.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY and SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE wander through Hyde Park. It is a warm sunny day with children eating ice cream and people smiling.

The ANGEL and DEMON discuss morality. It is rather more simplified than the discussions CROWLEY and AZIRAPHALE usually have. SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE attempts to use the example of a young woman giving her ice cream to a child as an example of spreading happiness as the ultimate form of goodness. SCRIPT!CROWLEY has a few things to say about the young woman’s motivations.

AZIRAPHALE listens in horrified disbelief, until CROWLEY bursts into laughter, head thrown back.

AZIRAPHALE: I am an idiot.

CROWLEY: She dropped an ice cream – had a dog lick it clean – then gave it to a kid?

AZIRAPHALE: He said it was a good deed. In what universe does that constitute a good deed?

CROWLEY: That’s just – cartoonish, that is!

AZIRAPHALE: “The child was happy” – utilitarian nonsense. As if happiness alone were a measure of -

CROWLEY: What’s next? Is she going to burn down a kitten orphanage?

AZIRAPHALE: (Snapping at the screen) There is nuance to this, you naïve fool! You must consider the motive, the available choices, the ultimate ramifications of -

CROWLEY: (Gleeful) Ducks!

SCRIPT!CROWLEY and SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE stop to feed the ducks in the pond.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, no, don’t talk about that pointless painting again. (Angrily at the television) We don’t know it was a forgery! It might have been misattributed!

CROWLEY: Yes. Or our Angel might have just wandered off from the painter he was supposed to be observing and joined a cult for a decade.

AZIRAPHALE: I told you there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that which I will divulge at a later time.

CROWLEY: When you’ve had time to make it up, you mean. Oops, there goes the duck.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY has fed bread to a DUCK, and the DUCK has promptly been submerged.

AZIRAPHALE: (At the same time as SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE, in precisely the same tone) Really!

CROWLEY: Oh, what? They hold their breath and I like it when they pop back up.

AZIRAPHALE glares at CROWLEY, folding his arms sullenly. He turns his glare back to the television as SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE says “It’s all going too well.”

AZIRAPHALE: Don’t you start.

As they walk out of the park, SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE asks what is bothering SCRIPT!CROWLEY.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY refuses to explain, giving the angel the brush-off.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY dismissively says “I can’t tell you that.”

CROWLEY: Tell him.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY calls SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE “the opposition.”

CROWLEY: Tell him!

AZIRAPHALE: Crowley dear…

SCRIPT!CROWLEY angrily states “You’re an angel, I’m a demon…” CROWLEY immediately leaps from his seat, preparing to charge the screen in a rage.

CROWLEY: Don’t you bloody start with that you piece of shit! Who the Heaven do you think you’re talking to? He actually wants to help you, and you shut him out? Get off your fucking ego trip and tell him -

AZIRAPHALE: (Alarmed) Crowley!

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY says they’ve known each other a long time, and SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE reminds him, in a hurt voice, “six thousand years.”

AZIRAPHALE is visibly pained by these words, but they seem to freeze CROWLEY in place. AZIRAPHALE reaches for CROWLEY’s hand, pulls him back towards the sofa.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): My dear… It’s alright. You don’t need to be upset. It’s just a film.

CROWLEY: It isn’t -

AZIRAPHALE: Yes. It is. The story may sound like us, the lines are certainly uncanny. But this never happened. We never said these things, not like this. It isn’t real.

With great reluctance, CROWLEY sits again. He can’t quite meet AZIRAPHALE’s eyes, but holds AZIRAPHALE’s hand in both of his.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): And…I’m sorry. That I wasn’t always honest with you when -

CROWLEY: (Finally looks up) No. This isn’t about you, Aziraphale. I mean it is, but. You needed to keep yourself safe. If that meant lying to yourself, even lying to me – I don’t care. You did what you had to do, and you never have to apologize for that.

AZIRAPHALE: Trust is a two-way street, and I -

CROWLEY: No. I know what Heaven does to angels who – who ask questions or have doubts. You told me what you could and that was enough. But it was different for me. And I always told you everything.

AZIRAPHALE: Perhaps it’s different for him? Perhaps he needs to keep secrets to be safe?

CROWLEY: Now you sound naïve. Trying to find the good in everyone.

AZIRAPHALE: Not everyone.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE’s wounded puppy-dog look has done its job, and SCRIPT!CROWLEY promises to tell everything the following night. Our AZIRAPHALE smiles.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): See? He is going to tell me. Maybe there’s some hope for him yet.

The film abruptly cuts to club again, music and dancing in full swing. CROWLEY releases AZIRAPHALE’s hand, retreating into the corner of the sofa again, arms crossed tightly.

Onscreen, a fabulous if flaky red-haired woman is celebrating riotously with a group of friends. There is something undeniably familiar about her sense of style.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, who is this, er, charming lady?

CROWLEY: I think that’s Madame Tracy.

AZIRAPHALE: No! Well. Perhaps she’ll liven up his grumpy face a little.

MADAME TRACY and her friends are loudly drunk, in a bar full of loud drunks. SCRIPT!CROWLEY approaches to ask some questions. MADAME TRACY drunkenly explains that her crowd mostly have come because they think she’s rich, that she has just been paid by her “very important friend” who thinks she is “getting too old.” She was paid in cash.

CROWLEY: (Setting new records for sour expression) Why is he bothering her, anyway? Nosy git.

AZIRAPHALE: (Completely innocent) Perhaps he thought their party was going to well.

CROWLEY: Don’t you even –

Onscreen, a DRUNK MAN WITH TOO MUCH MONEY attempts to grab MARJORIE THE SCANTILY CLAD WAITRESS in an inappropriate way. She immediately trips, breaking glasses and spilling drinks. Possibly the music pauses in a dramatic way.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY leaps into action.

AZIRAPHALE: Sensing what is coming) Ooooooooooh!

CROWLEY: Oh no. No. I am not going to believe he’s nice just because he helps a waitress. Don’t even try to do that now because -

AZIRAPHALE: (Slapping CROWLEY’s arm in excitement) Look! He waved the muscle-bound bouncer away! He’s standing up to the drunk man!

CROWLEY: No.

AZIRAPHALE: He’s turning down a bribe!

As SCRIPT!CROWLEY confronts the unruly customer, CROWLEY hides behind his hand.

The CUSTOMER turns away, and SCRIPT!CROWLEY addresses him as “Sunshine.” At this point, AZIRAPHALE can no longer hold it in, and laughs until he falls off the sofa.

The CUSTOMER attempts to punch SCRIPT!CROWLEY, who easily catches his hand and squeezes it under crushing pressure.

CROWLEY: Oh, what the fuck?

The CUSTOMER completely subdued, SCRIPT!CROWLEY instructs the MUSCLE-BOUND BOUNCER to “show the gentleman out.”

AZIRAPHALE: (Still on the ground, laughing) My hero!

CROWLEY: Was that supposed to make us like him? Or make us think humans are arseholes? I honestly can’t tell.

AZIRAPHALE climbs back onto the couch, still giggling. Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY has gone into the restroom to stare moodily at the mirror.

AZIRAPHALE: Ah, but we were able to see the power of your fisticuffs!

CROWLEY: Shut up. See if I ever stand up for you again.

AZIRAPHALE: Oooh, next time I’m in trouble, you can come out swinging like a –

Onscreen, SATAN’s eyes suddenly fill the mirror in front of SCRIPT!CROWLEY, and an echoing, menacing voice calls, “CROWLEY.”

On the sofa, our CROWLEY flinches, and goes very still. His jaw is clenched. One fist has grabbed the pocket where he keeps his SUNGLASSES.

AZIRAPHALE slides closer on the sofa, until his shoulder is pressed into CROWLEY’s. The demon does not relax. AZIRAPHALE is watching CROWLEY, not the television.

AZIRAPHALE: Is this…what it was like?

CROWLEY: Close enough.

The scene is very brief. SATAN tells SCRIPT!CROWLEY to meet him in half an hour, at a location exactly half an hour away. A map briefly flashes on the screen to show the location.

AZIRAPHALE considers making a Google Quest joke, but senses this is not the time.

CROWLEY does not move, blink, or breathe until the eyes fade.

CROWLEY: I know it isn’t real. But it’s just…

AZIRAPHALE: I understand.

CROWLEY stands, runs his fingers through his hair, circles behind the sofa.

CROWLEY: Look, I’ll just. Popcorn. Do you want more popcorn?

AZIRAPHALE: Crowley. We don’t have to watch this.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY has run into MADAME TRACY, who is either asking for financial advice, or hitting on him. It is unclear. CROWLEY cannot bring himself to make a joke.

CROWLEY: This is…no. I’ll be fine. Just. I need a minute. What do you want? Popcorn? Ice Cream? Sushi?

AZIRAPHALE pauses the film just as SCRIPT!CROWLEY reaches the Bentley.

AZIRAPHALE: Probably not all three. Do you need me to come with you?

CROWLEY: (Trying to sound dismissive) Only if you want to.

AZIRAPHALE follows CROWLEY to the kitchen, taking the popcorn bowl, which is still about one quarter full.

The camera lingers near the sofa, so we only see them from a distance, speaking in hushed voices. As the popcorn pops, AZIRAPHALE places a hand on CROWLEY’s cheek, saying something indistinct.

CROWLEY covers the hand with his own and nods. Impulsively, he reaches out and pulls AZIRAPHALE into a tight embrace, and just as suddenly lets go, turning back to the popcorn as if to cook it by sheer force of will.

AZIRAPHALE bites his lips and reaches for CROWLEY’s shoulder, hand hovering for a moment, then lets it fall.

When the bowl of popcorn is ready, they return to the sofa. CROWLEY holds the popcorn while AZIRAPHALE tucks a tartan blanket over their laps. CROWLEY then places the popcorn bowl between them.

Throughout the next scene, AZIRAPHALE eats popcorn almost continuously, while CROWLEY picks at a few pieces.

CROWLEY: Right. Whiny git version of me meeting actual Satan. Let’s go.

The movie starts: the Bentley racing towards its destination through dark London streets.

CROWLEY (CONT.): At least there’s no Hastur and Ligur, right?

AZIRAPHALE: No Gabriel either. Count our blessings, I suppose.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY puts a cassette into the player. Instead of Queen, it plays a hard rock version of “Every Day” by Buddy Holly.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh! I like this song! Though it’s usually less…abrasive.

CROWLEY: You like – you are full of surprises today, Aziraphale. Where did you ever hear “Every Day”?

AZIRAPHALE: On a radio.

Onscreen, a POLICE CAR spots the Bentley and gives chase.

AZIRAPHALE: Aha, now your other self will face the consequences of his actions.

CROWLEY: Does he really seem the type to obey traffic cops?

Onscreen, the POLICE CAR’s engine gurgles, forcing it to come to an emergency stop. SCRIPT!CROWLEY is seen doing some ABSURDLY FLASHY MAGIC that was probably intended to look impressive, but the special effects have likely not aged well.

CROWLEY: As I said. He is not a nice demon.

AZIRAPHALE: Didn’t you once fill a police car’s engine with hedgehogs?

CROWLEY: I did nothing of the sort! I made the driver hallucinate hedgehogs in the engine. Same effect, no animals hurt.

The song fades out as the Bentley reaches its destination.

CROWLEY: Ah. Here it comes.

AZIRAPHALE: Are you sure…?

CROWLEY: I’m sure. Keep talking. It helps.

The Bentley arrives at an abandoned Abbey, walls broken and collapsed, ivy growing up the sides. It is as dark and spooky as a location can be.

AZIRAPHALE: Well. If the goal was to find the most cliché possible location, I believe they succeeded. All that’s missing is –

A swarm of bats flies out of the bell tower.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): - nothing, apparently.

CROWLEY nods. He holds a single piece of popcorn between finger and thumb, but doesn’t eat it. The other hand clutches his SUNGLASSES tightly.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY bursts out of the Bentley, terrified. His is late to his meeting, and his superior does not like to be kept waiting. SCRIPT!CROWLEY stumbles and falls as he runs, and from his sprawl on the ground looks up in terror at –

SATAN, a very attractive, confident businessman in a dark, fashionable suit.

AZIRAPHALE: Ah and there’s…does he really look like that?

CROWLEY: (Shrugs. Does not relax his grip) When he wants to. Something like that.

AZIRAPHALE: Ah. He looks… You know, he looks rather like Gabriel. Only darker clothes.

Everything SATAN says is intended to keep SCRIPT!CROWLEY off balance. He makes threats disguised as jokes. He is dismissive of everything around him. He gaslights. He moves in ways that leave SCRIPT!CROWLEY struggling to keep up.

From the sofa, CROWLEY is trying to find something to say, but the words escape him.

AZIRAPHALE: (Softly) He… Well. He sounds rather like Gabriel, too. It’s very…

AZIRAPHALE stops reaching for the popcorn. His hands twist in front of him, pulling at the well-worn edge of his waistcoat. He seems to sit straighter and shrink at the same time.

Then SCRIPT!CROWLEY blurts out “If you were thinking of transferring me somewhere a little more interesting, I wouldn’t say no.” This breaks the spell.

CROWLEY: What?

AZIRAPHALE: (Tentatively) Well, it would appear he truly is bored -

CROWLEY: No. No.

Onscreen, SATAN says “It’ll all be over soon.” SCRIPT!CROWLEY is delighted.

CROWLEY: (Throws his popcorn at the screen) You cowardly little shit! You brainless toady!

AZIRAPHALE: Crowley! We must make allowances for -

CROWLEY: No, we do not! How can you defend him? He wants the world to end!

AZIRAPHALE: He doesn’t. He wants to be somewhere more exciting, and his…superior is not being clear on what that means.

CROWLEY: (This has only made him more upset) More exciting? Where else could he want to go? What other planet has anything worth a damn? Wines or motorways or those – those stupid little robots that vacuum your house while the cat rides on it?

AZIRAPHALE: Or duck ponds. Or dinners at the Ritz.

CROWLEY: Exactly! But this – this fake Crowley…

Onscreen, SATAN mentions Alpha Centauri, and SCRIPT!CROWLEY eagerly jumps in to say “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

CROWLEY growls, and squeezes his SUNGLASSES so hard they break, pieces of metal and glass tumbling to the floor beside the sofa.

AZIRAPHALE: (Trying to soothe him) Come now, dear. When you thought it was over, you wanted to run to that same system.

CROWLEY: No. I wanted us to run. Not the same thing.

CROWLEY reaches out, gently cradling AZIRAPHALE’s face with his hand.

CROWLEY (CONT.): There’s only one…one reason I would want to leave this stupid, brilliant planet and all the terrible, clever beings that live on it. Not because I’m bored. Not even to save myself.

AZIRAPHALE: (Not sure what to make of this confession) Ah. That’s…I…(Glances at the screen) Oh, we’re missing Adam’s introduction!

CROWLEY: Hm?

CROWLEY turns to look at the television, his hand falling away. AZIRAPHALE’s eyes linger on him a moment longer, filing away what he’s heard to process later.

Onscreen, SATAN has manifested a basket that can only contain THE INFANT ANTICHRIST ADAM. He solemnly informs SCRIPT!CROWLEY: “Your job, Crowley, is to raise my son.”

CROWLEY: What?

AZIRAPHALE: (Genuinely excited) Oh! Is this one of the stories where we raise the Antichrist together? I love those!

CROWLEY: Wh – That’s – That’s a thing?

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, indeed! You’re always so good with children. It’s utterly charming!

CROWLEY: (This is all news to him) People think – what is that based on?

AZIRAPHALE: You being such a good nanny to Warlock, I believe.

CROWLEY: Eh, fair point.

AZIRAPHALE: (Practically giddy with anticipation) One look at the baby and he will melt, mark my words.

CROWLEY: Just because I get on with older kids doesn’t mean –

Once again, SATAN has offered SCRIPT!CROWLEY a promotion off Earth in return for his service, which the demon welcomes delightedly.

CROWLEY: And again. This absolute coat hanger has no appreciation for –

SATAN: (Said in the calm, matter-of-fact voice of one stating a fact, not making a threat) But mess up on this, Crowley. Mess up on this and the most pitiable pus-choked damned soul in Hell, in the deepest, fieriest pit of the inferno, undergoing the vilest torments ever devised will be laughing down his leprous nose at you. Because I’ll create a whole new pit, just for you. And no matter how bad anyone’s ever suffered in the past… You’ll have it worse. Do I make myself clear?

As soon as the speech began, CROWLEY’s mouth shut with a click. From the change in his posture and the way his eyes go wide, it is very clear that in his mind he is no longer sitting in a comfortable living room watching a movie.

At the end of the speech, CROWLEY nods, in exactly the same way that SCRIPT!CROWLEY does.

AZIRAPHALE: My dear…Crowley…are you – quite alright?

CROWLEY: ‘S’fine.

AZIRAPHALE: Crowley –

CROWLEY shakes himself, clearly trying to pull himself back together. He looks at the shattered pieces of his glasses, seriously considering putting them back on for the first time since moving into the cottage.

Realizing that AZIRAPHALE is studying his face, Crowley redoubles his efforts to look unaffected.

CROWLEY: No. Really. So – melodramatic. The – the “leprous” thing just – just put it all over the top. Nh. Far too wordy. Trying too hard to – to scare the audience.

AZIRAPHALE: We don’t have to -

CROWLEY: (Totally unconvincing) Look, baby Adam. Isn’t he just a precious little Lord of Darkness.

AZIRAPHALE: (Totally unconvinced) Yes. Very sweet.

CROWLEY: I bet stodgy Museum-You goes absolutely gaga for him. Probably says “toesy-woesies.” Or something even worse.

AZIRAPHALE: You think he’ll call, er, me?

CROWLEY: I would. First chance I got.

Onscreen, we cut to a CHILD’S BEDROOM, where a young girl is asleep in bed. Her room is almost painfully occult.

CROWLEY (CONT.): Oh, now who is this?

AZIRAPHALE: Stuffed alligator on the ceiling – witch doll – pentacles everywhere – oh, I know this one! This must be young Anathema! I do hope they explain about Agnes Nutter and the Witchfinders.

CROWLEY: Seems a bit complicated for this film.

AZIRAPHALE: Well. Obviously they will simplify a bit, but it’s all necessary to understand the Book.

CROWLEY: They’ll probably just have it show up without explanation. Seems more this movie’s style. Maybe a prophecy comic book or something.

ANATHEMA wakes up screaming. CROWLEY and AZIRAPHALE jump, spilling half the popcorn. They are more confused than afraid.

AZIRAPHALE: Did – did I miss something?

CROWLEY: Why is she screaming?

AZIRAPHALE: Did something bite her? A rat? A caterpillar?

CROWLEY: Did she realize what movie she was in?

ANATHEMA’S MOTHER comes in to try and soothe ANATHEMA, assuring her it was just a dream. ANATHEMA begins sobbing about the end of the world.

AZIRAPHALE: A…dream?

CROWLEY: Just…dreams? No book?

AZIRAPHALE: What does this film have against books? I haven’t seen a single book in nearly half an hour.

CROWLEY: Hold on. This is too weird.

CROWLEY pulls out his MOBILE PHONE – it is a sleek new smart phone, with more bells and whistles than he could ever use. He taps the speed dial and waits for it to pick up.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (Over the phone) Hello? Book Girl? It’s me. You’re not going to believe this…

CROWLEY tosses the blanket aside, circling around behind the couch towards the DINING ROOM as he talks.

We stay with AZIRAPHALE, who is gathering the spilled popcorn into a pile.

AZIRAPHALE: (Glaring at the television) I want you to know, I’m not mad, just disappointed.

CROWLEY: (Returning from the dining room)…right. Talk to you later.

CROWLEY hangs up his MOBILE and leans against the back of the sofa. He is too anxious to sit again just yet.

AZIRAPHALE: What did she say?

CROWLEY: “Stop calling me on my honeymoon.” What did I miss?

AZIRAPHALE: Madame Tracy – if that is Tracy – is upset because. Er. Her friends took a taxi without her?

Onscreen, MADAME TRACY is quite drunk, babbling to the BARTENDER about her past “I’ve slept with princes. I’ve bathed in champagne.”

CROWLEY: Good for her. The friends, not so much. Are these the friends that thought she was rich?

AZIRAPHALE: Yes? Most likely?

CROWLEY: Is she rich?

AZIRAPHALE: I’m not actually clear on any part of her story so far.

Scenes of MADAME TRACY gathering her bag and being escorted out by the BARTENDER are intercut with scenes of SCRIPT!CROWLEY racing his Bentley back towards the bar. ADAM’s basket sits on the front seat.

CROWLEY: Still hasn’t called, I see.

AZIRAPHALE: What is he doing, just leaving the child in a basket on the front seat! That is criminally negligent!

CROWLEY: I know! The basket goes on the back seat.

AZIRAPHALE: I beg your pardon?

CROWLEY: Yeah, if you have to swerve to avoid a lorry or whatever, the basket might flip over. On the back seat it has room to slide around.

AZIRAPHALE: (His parent!AU fantasies have taken a hit) Crowley! Are you telling me you drove around with a baby in an unsecured basket in your back seat?

CROWLEY: They only gave me a basket! What else was I supposed to do?

AZIRAPHALE: Miracle up a car seat!

CROWLEY: I – ah – nnh – glk – er…yeah.

AZIRAPHALE: And why is Tracy carrying a large bag of money?

CROWLEY: She did say she just got paid.

AZIRAPHALE: With a duffle bag full of…of ten pound notes?

CROWLEY: Is that a lot of money?

AZIRAPHALE: Quarter of a million, I should think. Ah, no, only half full. A hundred thousand, absolute minimum.

CROWLEY: And she said she wasn’t rich.

AZIRAPHALE: That bag must weigh at least two stone!

CROWLEY: At least we know she’s strong.

CROWLEY begins dialing his MOBILE PHONE again.

Meanwhile, onscreen, MADAME TRACY is trying to unsuccessfully to hail a cab, and has wandered away from the now-closed bar.

AZIRAPHALE: And now she’s leaving the money behind!

CROWLEY: Tracy! You’ll never guess. We’re watching a movie, and you’re in it!

Seeming to have finally relaxed, CROWLEY circles the sofa again, and drops back into the corner he had abandoned. AZIRAPHALE immediately begins settling the blanket over him, though he appears not to notice.

CROWLEY (CONT.): What do you…Oh, do tell. (To AZIRAPHALE, with a wicked grin) She says she was in several movies back in her 20s.

AZIRAPHALE: (Unphased) Yes, I know. She showed me some. Oh, here comes you again!

CROWLEY: Not that prick. (To TRACY, over the mobile) Not you. Ignore that. So this character that’s supposed to be you was paid a big pile of cash to…I dunno…wear diamonds and travel the world with some bloke?...Ooooooh. That makes sense…A hundred thousand? Mh. (To AZIRAPHALE) Sounds like she was underpaid.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY has picked up BABY ADAM to walk him into the club. It is incredibly awkward looking.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (Shouted at the screen) That is not how you hold a newborn! Support the head, you turnip!

AZIRAPHALE beams, having recovered some of his parent!AU joy.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (To TRACY over the mobile) No, this is supposed to be me, I guess. He’s holding baby Adam the way Aziraphale holds birds in his magic act.

AZIRAPHALE: (Annoyed) Look at that, he made the baby disappear.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY is now holding BABY ADAM behind his back as a surge of BAR EMPLOYEES make their way to their cars.

CROWLEY: Behind his back?! (To TRACY over the mobile) Look, I need to go. This is getting out of hand…I’ll text you any updates.

CROWLEY drops the MOBILE onto the arm of the sofa, where it will be in easy reach.

CROWLEY (CONT.): Shadwell says hello.

AZIRAPHALE: That seems unlikely.

CROWLEY: It was more like angry shouting from another room, but I think it was a greeting. How many people have walked past that bag of money without taking it?

AZIRAPHALE: Three? No, four. He must pay his employees very well.

CROWLEY: Did they say why he’s hiding the baby behind his back?

AZIRAPHALE: Er. It would seem he doesn’t want his employees to know about the child for some reason.

CROWLEY: Then why take him out of the basket? Wait, is he planning to keep Adam behind his back for eleven years?

AZIRAPHALE: My dear, I feel I am forced to concede that this alternate version of you is exceedingly stupid.

As they watch, SCRIPT!CROWLEY puts BABY ADAM into the bag of money left behind by MADAME TRACY before he rushes into the bar to take care of business.

CROWLEY: No arguments here.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh dear.

CROWLEY: He…just left the baby.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh dear.

CROWLEY: He put the Antichrist in a sack full of money on the street and then he walked away?

AZIRAPHALE: That would appear to be the case, yes.

CROWLEY: Why not take the bag with him? Or –

Onscreen, a TAXI returns, and MADAME TRACY rushes out to grab her SACK OF CASH faster than SCRIPT!CROWLEY can react.

AZIRAPHALE and CROWLEY can only watch in horror as MADAME TRACY quickly picks up the bag and returns to the taxi.

AZIRAPHALE: (Immensely disappointed) Well. That settles that.

CROWLEY: Oh, that kid is going to be dead in a week.

CROWLEY picks up his mobile and quickly texts TRACY: “CONGRATS UR A MUM NOW”

AZIRAPHALE: Well. I suppose that gives us our lost Antichrist.

Onscreen, MADAME TRACY is trying to get the TAXI DRIVER to bring her home, but realizes she doesn’t know what country she lives in. Finally settles for “One of those nice little seaside towns. With a pier.” She then falls asleep.

CROWLEY: Somehow this is even more unlikely than what actually happened.

CROWLEY texts ADAM next: “TRACY IS UR MUM NOW I DONT MAKE THE RULES”

CROWLEY: Speaking of, why was Hell’s best plan to have the Antichrist raised in a bar by this smoldering trash fire? Satan said – repeatedly – he wanted the boy to be extremely but nonspecifically evil, but Turd-face there is just whiney and…mean.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!CROWLEY is pacing in a clear panic. CROWLEY is unimpressed, but AZIRAPHALE softens.

AZIRAPHALE: Look at him. Poor dear is so distressed.

AZIRAPHALE glances over to CROWLEY, remembering how he reacted to SATAN’s threat. CROWLEY scowls at his mobile phone, though he has run out of people to text.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): Well. I’m sure he’ll think of something. Or call me and we’ll think of something together. As we always do.

CROWLEY: (Looks up with a fond smile) With you resisting every step of the way.

AZIRAPHALE: It keeps things interesting.

They look back at the television in time to see SCRIPT!CROWLEY begin systematically drinking everything in the bar.

CROWLEY: What? That’s it? He’s already giving up?

AZIRAPHALE: (Rapidly running out of optimism) He’s had rather a frightful day…

CROWLEY: Stop defending him. We’ve all had hard days – all he’s got to do is track down a bloody taxi.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY summons a bottle of alcohol and pours himself a glass.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (At the television, tensed to jump up again) That’s not going to help! Get your head out of your ass, call Aziraphale, get to work!

AZIRAPHALE: I’m sure…one drink first won’t hurt…or two…or…oh, dear.

CROWLEY glances at his MOBILE to see a new text from ADAM: “im not sposed 2 talk t u when ur drunk”

CROWLEY texts back: “NOT DRUNK. WISH I WAS.”

AZIRAPHALE’s mobile phone dings. He pulls out a very small, old-fashioned FLIP PHONE to find a text from ADAM: “how drunk is Crwly?”

AZIRAPHALE looks at the television, where SCRIPT!CROWLEY has drunk nearly ¾ of the bar’s contents. AZIRAPHALE texts ADAM: “svrl butts worth”

CROWLEY: I do not sing when I’m drunk.

AZIRAPHALE: No, you shriek off-key. And rant about marine biology and philosophy.

CROWLEY: I don’t rant, Angel, those are finely tuned arguments.

CROWLEY’s mobile buzzes as a new text arrives from ADAM: “how drunk is azriaphle???”

AZIRAPHALE: Well, whatever you wish to – oh, finally.

SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE comes into the bar. He has miracled the door unlocked and is confronting SCRIPT!CROWLEY about the extreme amounts of alcohol he has drunk.

AZIRAPHALE (CONT.): Here’s someone who will stop all your nonsense and get you back on track. Practically my job, really.

CROWLEY: When have I ever needed you to drag me out of a bar when there was work to do?

AZIRAPHALE: I seem to recall a certain occasion, on a Saturday, right before visiting an airbase…?

CROWLEY considers this quietly.

CROWLEY: I take it back. ‘S absolutely your job. Which is why this dipshit should have called you the second he got that baby.

AZIRAPHALE smiles and pats CROWLEY’s hand.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY attempts to tell off SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE for breaking into his bar, gets confused, and winds up saying “Can I tempt you to have a little drink with me?”

AZIRAPHALE: Good Lord! Is that how he tempts me to drink?

CROWLEY: To be fair, it doesn’t usually take much.

Onscreen, SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE gives the “evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction” speech.

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, I sound like a self-righteous fool!

CROWLEY: Aziraphale, you once gave me this exact speech, almost word-for-word.

AZIRAPHALE: (Genuinely worried) Context, my dear boy. It isn’t fair to say such things when you’re too, well, addled to defend yourself. Did I come all that way just to insult you?

SCRIPT!CROWLEY has finally spilled the whole story to SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE, who has yet to say anything comforting.

CROWLEY: (Growling at the screen) You wouldn’t be in this bloody predicament if you hadn’t tried to be so blasted clever and aloof.

AZIRAPHALE: (Still quite distracted) I really think that version of me could be a little more sympathetic.

CROWLEY: No, this baboon’s ass is getting exactly what he deserves.

SCRIPT!CROWLEY knocks a table over in his excitement to offer to defect and rejoin Heaven.

CROWLEY (CONT.): Defect? Go back?

AZIRAPHALE: It’s a fair question. (SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE disagrees) Well it is! I can’t imagine this version of you has done anything more evil than tie his own shoelaces together.

CROWLEY: (Disgusted) I don’t go crawling back to Heaven. Not for anything. That’s not how I do things.

Just as they are both getting distressed, SCRIPT!CROWLEY announces that he put down THE INFANT ANTICHRIST for a second “and voom.”

SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE responds “Babies don’t voom.”

AZIRAPHALE and CROWLEY share a look

AZIRAPHALE: Voom?

CROWLEY: Voom.

AZIRAPHALE and CROWLEY pull out their phones and text ADAM at the same time: “VOOOOOOOOOOOM.”

They laugh, though not as openly or warmly as at the beginning of the film. There is still tension.

Onscreen SCRIPT!AZIRAPHALE convinces SCRIPT!CROWLEY to accept his help in finding the INFANT ANTICHRIST in return for a chance to exert a good influence on the child.

AZIRAPHALE: There, see? I’m offering to help. Everything is back as it should be.

CROWLEY: Except why are you asking me? It’s just…weird is all.

AZIRAPHALE: Perhaps in this universe, you are always in trouble, and I am the one always saving you.

CROWLEY: Is that how this works?

AZIRAPHALE: Must be. I’ve read stories where we are…reversed in different ways but I must admit, this is the strangest reversal I’ve yet seen. Look, I’m the one suggesting influencing Adam, not you.

CROWLEY: And that’s another thing – do we not know this is about the end of the world? You never even mention it.

AZIRAPHALE: That…would make sense. Although we also seem less attached to Earth. But, no, billions of people, I wouldn’t be calm about all that death.

CROWLEY raises his eyebrows, but does not remind AZIRAPHALE of how he reacted eleven years ago when AZIRAPHALE first received the news.

CROWLEY: But we’re talking about the Antichrist – what else do we think it means? What’s the point of influencing Adam to be good if not to avoid the end of the world?

AZIRAPHALE: My motivations do seem rather shallow. Have I no concern for the danger this plan would put us in? How would we even hide such a thing from our head offices?

CROWLEY: Angel. We’re just going to have to admit – they’re both idiots.

Despite having no plan for finding the INFANT ANTICHRIST, SCRIPT!CROWLEY says “how hard can it be?” Both CROWLEY and AZIRAPHALE groan at this.

AZIRAPHALE: No argument here.

The screen fades to black, preparing for a time skip. CROWLEY pauses the movie.

CROWLEY: I mean just…that arsemonger, that absolute walnut – how is that supposed to be me?

AZIRAPHALE: I hardly feel any better about that angel from the Museum. He’s daft as a bush and mad as…as…

CROWLEY: As an angel in an art museum?

AZIRAPHALE: “The child was happy” indeed. As if all of morality could be brought down to what feels good in the moment.

CROWLEY: Sounds more like something my side would have said.

AZIRAPHALE: Precisely! Oh, I know I shouldn’t expect nuance in a silly little film, but to make good seem so, so foolish -

CROWLEY: Probably just want that prick to look cool and clever by comparison.

AZIRAPHALE has been gauging CROWLEY’s levels of self-loathing throughout, and is not pleased with what he sees.

AZIRAPHALE: Really, dear, I know you dislike him, but he’s not so bad.

CROWLEY: Not bad? He’s sullen, and rude, and arrogant…

AZIRAPHALE: (Voice soft) That doesn’t sound like anyone we know.

CROWLEY: (Scowling) He cheats, he makes bloody moronic mistakes…

AZIRAPHALE: Still doesn’t sound familiar?

CROWLEY: And he doesn’t even try to fix those mistakes – blessed coward just gives up!

CROWLEY bunches his hands on his legs and stares at his fists. He knows perfectly well what AZIRAPHALE is getting at.

CROWLEY (CONT.): (Sighs) He’s…the worst possible version of me. All I can think is how much I must have hurt you, over and over, because I didn’t know how to just – be – nice.

AZIRAPHALE slowly runs a hand through CROWLEY’s hair. CROWLEY turns, leaning into it, but doesn’t meet AZIRAPHALE’s eyes.

AZIRAPHALE: My dear, my darling Crowley. Don’t even think such things. I know you would never hurt me, not on purpose, no more than I would hurt you. We’ve both made mistakes, yes. I had my turn as a self-righteous fool. I never knew how to trust you until it was almost too late. But that’s behind us now. We’re here, together. That’s what’s important.

CROWLEY: I can’t stand to look at him. How can you?

AZIRAPHALE reaches for CROWLEY’s hand, takes it in both of his, and uncurls it, laying fingers and palm bare. As he speaks, he punctuates each sentence with a gentle kiss on CROWLEY’s palm.

AZIRAPHALE: Because I love you. Even at your worst, I love you. Even when you cannot love yourself, I love you. And for the sake of that, I can tolerate a ridiculous parody of you without much pain.

AZIRAPHALE folds CROWLEY’s hand closed, as if to keep the kisses safe inside. He guides CROWLEY’s fist back to rest against CROWLEY’s heart.

With his free hand, CROWLEY cradles the back of AZIRAPHALE’s head and pulls him into a kiss, slow and infinitely tender. When they part, AZIRAPHALE rests his head on CROWLEY's shoulder.

CROWLEY: (Softly) I don’t deserve you.

AZIRAPHALE: Yes. You do.

CROWLEY: I love you. So much.

AZIRAPHALE: As do I, dear. As do I.

The camera pulls away, returning to the darkened window in a reverse of the shot we came in with.

EXT. DEVIL’S DYKE – NIGHT

It is fully dark now. The snow has begun to pile up all around the COTTAGE, but the warm orange light from the windows spills across the nearby snowbanks. In the sky above, brilliant stars are blazing.

FADE OUT.

THE END

#good omens prime #good omens fanfiction #good omens crack #aziraphale and crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens screenplay #1992 screenplay #mst6k #south downs cottage #my writing #aethelflaed attempts to be funny #with mixed results

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Rome: The Long Road of the Original HBO Epic

https://ift.tt/36frbPD

It was the biggest show ever produced when it premiered on HBO. Filming in exotic international locations and on sets that went on for blocks, it was an epic spectacle that many whispered couldn’t be done on television. Not with its hundreds of extras in lavish costumes, and not with its cast of more than a dozen major characters. Yet HBO gambled big with a budget that exceeded $100 million on its first season.

These details might be mistaken by many as the genesis of Game of Thrones. But before HBO’s song of ice and fire, this was also the origin of the first actual modern TV epic. It was the story of Rome.

In its debut, Rome was even more gargantuan in scale and opulent in design than Thrones’ first few years. Filmed at the legendary facilities of Cinecittà Studios in the actual Rome, HBO and showrunner Bruno Heller oversaw a vast recreation of antiquity during the life and times of Julius Caesar. From the austere grandeur of the pre-imperial Roman Forum to the eventual seediness of the gangs on the Aventine Hill, the final days of the Roman republic were reimagined in sweaty, shocking, and spectacularly expensive detail.

“We used the most modern scholarship, which suggests that all the sculptures were painted,” Heller says over Zoom as we reminisce about Rome and its Cinecittà extravagance 15 years after the series’ 2005 premiere. Every morning Heller would be up at 4am, arriving early on set and getting lost in the art direction’s colors. “Walking out there at dawn into the Forum and seeing this world created, it was just magical. It gives me goosebumps now thinking about it, seeing a hundred [Gaul] tribesmen on horseback with great furry helmets charging down a hillside yelling, that sort of thing. No one makes things like that anymore. Even something like Game of Thrones would use CGI for the kind of things that we were doing for real.”

Actor Kevin McKidd, who played one half of Rome’s soul, the honorable to a fault Lucius Vorenus, expresses similar awe when he thinks back at what they accomplished.

“I mean listen, none of these budgets were small, but I think Game of Thrones ended up being smaller than ours,” McKidd correctly points out. Whereas Rome was budgeted at $100 million when it premiered, Game of Thrones debuted with a more reasonable starting price tag of $60 million. Says McKidd, “Ours, it was the first time anybody had tried this, so we just had to spend the money. And I think they figured out, it seems, ways to do it smarter or for less… because our show came out of the gate just huge and bawdy and big, and unapologetic.”

Heller is even more succinct in describing Rome’s making.

“Most films, and even TV, is planning for battle,” Heller says. “Planning for a big TV series like [Rome] is like planning for war, for a campaign. It’s invading Russia.” He pauses, “You have to think about the retreat, as well.”

This was Rome’s war: brief, bloody, and beautiful.

‘Very Unlikely to Be Made’

When HBO first hired Heller to take a crack at a Rome treatment, he didn’t think for a minute it would get made. In the early 2000s, HBO was a different place than it is now. The Sopranos and Sex and the City of course turned the premium cable network into the leader of the prestige cable revolution—or harbinger of peak TV as it would later be called—and the network had its eye on bigger and more dazzling projects. In 2001 HBO even released the most expensive miniseries ever up to that point with Band of Brothers. But that World War II-set series also had the names Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks attached as producers. The network still relied on bankability.

So when Heller took a meeting about Rome, he was acutely aware he’d be unable to lend that same prestige to a sword and sandals epic. He’d written some scripts before at HBO and admired the vision of then-HBO chairman Chris Albrecht and Carolyn Strauss, then-president of HBO’s entertainment division. But he was being called in to discuss a show based on a preexisting miniseries pitch by John Milius and William J. MacDonald—a pitch the network was already wary toward.

“It’s one of those projects that’s really going for broke and very unlikely to be made, [given] the budget that was required,” Heller recalls of HBO’s attitude toward Milius and his vision. “They were paying me to write a script to take it at least to a respectable point at which time they can say, ‘Okay, thank you.’”

Citing himself as “cheap” at the time, Heller recognized it was easier to pay a young writer for a treatment than a whole production crew for a pilot. So he used the opportunity as an excuse to immerse himself in Roman history and lore. This began via conversations with his co-creators Milius and MacDonald. Their central conceit already had in place the three characters of young Octavian, the boy who would be Augustus, first Emperor of Rome, as well as Roman centurions Titus Pullo and Lucius Vorenus.

In history, as with the series, Pullo and Vorenus were the only Roman soldiers who Julius Caesar mentioned by name in his journals. But other than being Roman centurions in the 13th Legion, not much else is known of the men. And Heller took his first major liberty when he lit on the idea of changing Pullo from a centurion to a coarse, insubordinate soldier beneath Vorenus’ command.

It was a savvy move that mapped the heart of the Rome series. Whereas most other fictions about this oft-dramatized era in history focused on the lives of the legendary patricians—be it Caesar and Octavian, or Marc Antony and Cleopatra—Rome would maintain all those characters and the lower tiers in daily Roman life. Through the introduction of Pullo and Vorenus, and their contentious friendship, the fall of the Roman republic suddenly becomes an upstairs/downstairs dramedy.

Says Heller, “The model that first sparked me on ‘oh, this is how to play it’ was [Tom Stoppard’s] Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, because the larger story is so well known, like Hamlet, that it’s hard to tell that story. The downstairs story has to be more compelling than the upstairs story, because the upstairs story, a little like Batman, is a given. It’s a myth. Everyone knows what happens.”

It also allowed Heller to dive into modern research.

“There was a lot of very recent scholarship at that time that transformed people’s sense of what Roman [history] was,” Heller explains. “There was much more about the everyday life of Roman people, about how people would have lived in apartment blocks in the insular working class life, and looking at it from that modern perspective.”

Reflecting on the dirtiness and filth that would be in the Roman Forum, the showrunner adds, “It’s lucky that practically every previous representation of Rome on any scale kind of went for the grand imperial late Edward Gibbon velvet drapes and marble columns. Even Gladiator went for that. Whereas, in fact, it looked much more like Calcutta or Bombay, and smelled like that.”

This also provided the writer the chance to explore Roman culture and custom with a greater push for authenticity than many Hollywood films of yore. For example, Heller attempted to learn how to read Latin at least as well as the uneducated Pullo—though he says he only got about as far as being able to recognize “oh that’s a pub” if he were walking the streets. More successfully he came to understand his vision of the Pagan working class mentality when he wrote a scene of Pullo praying to Portunus, the Roman god of locks and keys.

It all informed an extravagant treatment for a series he’d end up writing half the episodes of (and he tells us all 22 installments of the show passed through his typewriter before shooting). Yet, at least per the co-creator, what got Rome greenlit was as much his innovations as the developments of an entirely different epic series at HBO.

“[Chris Albrecht] was looking for something that had to be big and that they had to put money behind,” Heller says. “I think it was going to be Mel Gibson doing Alexander.” Indeed, at the same time HBO was developing Rome, the network was also working with the then-beloved Oscar winning director behind Braveheart for a 10-part series on Macedonian conquest.

“Then it turned out that Mel Gibson was going to do Alexander but he wouldn’t be Alexander,” Heller says. “[But] they didn’t want to be in business with Mel Gibson as a director-producer without Mel Gibson as [the star].”

As Gibson’s project imploded, Rome’s prospects would rise, sans any stars. Clearly things in the entertainment industry were about to change.

A Bottle of Tequila in the Roman Forum

When speaking with McKidd over Zoom, the actor’s affection for Rome is profound. Not 20 feet from his screen rests Lucius Vorenus’ sword, which he safely keeps in his own home. Similarly, within the actor’s mind resides nothing but warm memories. He reminisces about seeing his children spend summers growing up around the actual ruins of the Roman Forum and Colosseum during production; and he savors still the long nights at Cinecittà with British theater legends like Kenneth Cranham, a fellow Scotsman who played Pompey Magnus.

“It was an incredibly social time,” says McKidd. “It was almost like summer camp for British actors. We all got to live there; we went out for long dinners every night and we’d speak to Kenneth and all the older actors, who told us such amazing stories about all their time in the theater.”

But one relationship, perhaps the most significant of the entire series, was that shared by McKidd and his co-star Ray Stevenson, aka Titus Pullo. While there were of course other vital parts to the series, from worldly Ciarián Hinds as Caesar to Tobias Menzies’ despairingly well-intentioned Brutus—and one must never overlook Polly Walker’s Machiavellian Atia of the Julii (Heller’s favorite character)—the heart and soul of the series belongs to Pullo and Vorenus, the odd couple of 48 BCE.

Off-screen McKidd and Stevenson had known each other for years through mutual friends, but it wasn’t until they were in the final round of chemistry auditions in a Covent Garden hotel that they began a significant lifelong friendship. But then, it was a late epiphany to cast the red-haired and fiery McKidd as the straight-laced Vorenus.

For the actor, the process began early when he bumped into Heller, as well as executive producer Anne Thomopoulos and director Michael Apted, while in Romania. At the time, McKidd was there filming the TV movie Gunpowder, Treason & Plot (2004), as it was cheaper to shoot a period piece about 16th century Scottish court intrigue in eastern Europe than actual Scotland. The Rome team was entertaining a similar idea.

“I’m strutting around in my thigh-high leather boots and period costume, and we’re riding horses and swinging swords, and all that stuff and having a great old time,” says McKidd. “And I hear these American voices in the corridor, so I come out, and here is this guy called Bruno Heller.” They immediately got to chatting about the Danny Boyle movie McKidd did, Trainspotting (1996), and about this new TV series focused on ancient Rome. McKidd quickly prepared with his current director a film reel of himself riding horses.

Yet when HBO finally sent him a script, the producers didn’t want him for the Vorenus role; they saw him as Pullo.

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On the casting process, McKidd remembers, “I said to them, ‘I’d love to come in and read, but I would really much rather read for the part of Lucius Vorenus.’ And they were like, ‘No, we really see you as maybe Pullo, can you read for Pullo?’ So I said, ‘Okay.’ So I came in and I read for Pullo. And they’re like, ‘Okay.’ Then a week goes by, and they call and they say, ‘We really love you, but maybe can you come in and read for Marc Antony?’”

So it continued until McKidd begged to get a screen test for Vorenus. It even took so long he initially considered turning the series down in favor of indie projects he was already committing to. That was at least a thought he had on the set of Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven (2005) until word got around at the pub to co-star Liam Neeson.

“I came down to the bar and Liam was pointing his finger at me and he was like, ‘You, I need to have a word with you outside,’” McKidd says. “And I was like, ‘Ah shit.’” Out in a snow-covered Spanish countryside, Neeson commanded, “Go to a phone booth, find a phone right now. Call your agent and hope and pray they haven’t offered that part to somebody else.”

They had not, and soon enough McKidd was flying alongside Stevenson to the actual city of Rome.

“I remember me and Ray going to Rome in the spring… with Michael Apted, walking around this back lot at Cinecittà, and it was all just scaffolding at that time, there was no frontage. I remember Michael turned to me and Ray and said, basically, we can’t fuck this up, because it was so huge. It was so beyond anything that any of us had ever seen.”

With red paint chipping across weathered doors, and mules grazing in the squares, a Roman Forum unlike any other came alive in the same space where Martin Scorsese just filmed Gangs of New York. The sense of size and scale was overwhelming, as was the pressure on Stevenson and McKidd to anchor it. Fifteen years later, McKidd is candid about how that tension shaped each man and, in the actor’s mind, the series.

During the last day of production on the first season, after shooting had wrapped and festivities began, McKidd and Stevenson found themselves sharing a quiet set of stairs leading up to their Roman senate. Between them was a bottle of tequila. Off in the distance, the faint sound of wrap party debauchery was rising to a muffled roar, yet the central stars of Rome were keeping their own company and having a long overdue conversation.

“I don’t think Ray would be mad at me for telling this story because we’re still close friends and I love him dearly,” McKidd says with a measured tone. “Initially, he and I clashed. We just had very different styles. Ray’s this big larger than life personality, and as Bruno would say, I’m much more this ‘Presbyterian,’ or you could say a little more controlling… and we ended up at loggerheads a lot, and fighting, and being difficult in the first season.”

Yet as McKidd is quick to point out, this translated to perfect chemistry on the screen, as Pullo and Vorenus were often “at loggerheads” during the first season, which culminated with Vorenus’ life imploding on the same day as Caesar’s assassination. Meanwhile Pullo found some semblance of peace. But here in the twilight of a recreated Roman Forum, the season was getting a much needed post-script.

“The wrap party is going on somewhere, and we can hear the music,” McKidd says, “and he and I just sat out there sharing the bottle of tequila. And we had it out, you know? Because we both had been holding stuff in for the season about things that annoyed each other… We got all of it off our chest and we ended up just having a huge hug, and we threw this bottle, this [now] empty bottle of tequila, into the middle of the Forum. We made a pact with each other that from that point on we were going to be the closest of friends, and we still are.”

In many ways, it mirrored the coming dynamic between Pullo and Vorenus in season 2, which McKidd likewise recognizes.

“Our bond was unbreakable in the second season,” he says. “You see that chemistry shift and move, and morph throughout the two seasons, and it pretty much tracks Ray and my relationship.” And it would prove indispensable that second year, especially as both characters, like their actors, were forced to close ranks and face that the end was nigh.

The Cost of Doing Business Like the Romans Do

Founded in 1937 by Benito Mussolini, the international renown of Rome’s Cinecittà Studios has long superseded its less than auspicious beginnings. Celebrated as the home to a highly skilled community of filmmaking artisans, Cinecittà’s name is inseparable with legendary filmmakers like Federico Fellini, Roberto Rossellini, and Sergio Leone. And it’s been the site of landmark Hollywood productions, such as Roman Holiday (1953), Ben-Hur (1959), and even the notorious Cleopatra (1963). Yet as Heller points out, no American production has been back to Cinecittà since Rome.

Says the creator, “It’s Italy, I love it, and it’s part of the culture, but you were there to be picked over and for them to, in completely formal and legitimately legal ways, take as much money out of the production as possible.” He pauses to smile and choose his next words carefully about the difference between shooting a movie and TV series in that environment.

“With a series, you’re making long-term relationships,” he continues. “It’s like a marriage. A movie is a one-night stand. You can be a bastard to everyone on a movie and you’re never going to see them again. So the result is more important than the relationships. In a TV series, the relationships are more important, in the end. It’s pointless having a successful first season of a show and then you can’t do the second season because no one will work together.”

This is not to say the only reason Rome was prematurely cancelled had to do with frustrations over the cost of doing business in Rome—McKidd also cites, for example, Rome eating up too much of HBO’s production budget from other projects in 2006. Nonetheless, reports of high-finance rigamarole even reached the cast.

Says McKidd, “I heard enough to know [about] the scaffolding. I don’t know how many tons of scaffolding was used to build that set, but I remember one of the earlier conversations was, ‘We need to buy this much scaffolding.’ And the people at Cinecittà were like, ‘You can’t buy that much scaffolding, but you can rent it from my brother.’”

Both Heller and McKidd insist there was no criminality or dishonesty about this, and it was simply the way things are done. But for the creator, word was executives high above his pay grade were disturbed by the Byzantine labyrinth of Italian politics. So much so it became contagious throughout Hollywood.

“At one stage, the Italian government issued arrest warrants or provisional arrest warrants for all the fiduciary producers of the show,” Heller recalls. “And that’s a sort of a standard Italian business practice, but when buttoned-down straight-laced lawyers from New York are flying out to Rome and discovering that this is [how business is done], people were spooked.”

It was also just a contributing factor to Rome’s untimely cancellation, which occurred during the pre-production process of season 2—and before the series’ popularity would explode with the international DVD sales and second season launch.

Heller was so far into writing the second season that they were in prep, gearing up to film the second season premiere, when he got the call it was over. The havoc this wreaked on Rome’s remaining 10 episodes, with one of them ready to shoot, was immediate.

When the first season concluded, Gaius Julius Caesar was dead, Vorenus had lost the love of his life, and Rome was headed toward civil war. The second season was always meant to be the fallout of that war, with a study in the brief and doomed alliance of Marc Antony (James Purefoy) and young Octavian (Max Pirkis), as well as the woman between them, Octavian’s mother and Antony’s lover, Atia. All of that, plus the death of Brutus and the other conspirators, would still occur in season 2… but so would Antony’s flight to Egypt and the eventual civil war between a now adult Octavian (Simon Woods) and Antony and Cleopatra (Lyndsey Marshal).

“I had to reconceive the second season basically from scratch,” Heller says with lingering exasperation. “Because when you take out that much history, the jump between the death of Caesar and Marc Antony taking over, and his death in Egypt, it was a huge amount of quite obscure but great, scandalous, fascinating, eventful history.” Most of it had to be jettisoned, too, between Brutus’ death and Antony declaring in his will that Caesar and Cleopatra’s son is Caesar’s true heir.

Some critics and fans were disappointed with the visibly breakneck pace of the second season. Others found it an exciting retelling of that period. One of Rome’s stars seems to be in the middle.

“I think the second season was successful in some ways, but it also feels, in my mind, a little rushed,” McKidd confesses. “And I think Bruno would say that too. Just because so much story was crushed and sort of concentrated down into season 2. I love [it], but I definitely felt like it was a lot condensed in.”

And yet, McKidd and Heller both seem to lean more toward a satisfaction with it. In fact, the producer even suggests the ending with the ascension of Octavian to imperial status (he takes the title “First Citizen”) was the perfect grace note. While it’s well known among fans the series had a five-season bible with Cleopatra and Antony’s deaths originally marking the end of season 4, and season 5 following Vorenus and Pullo going to Palestine in time for the birth of Christ, that was never Heller’s favorite part.

“That was one of the elements that Milius was fascinated by that I had no interest in whatsoever, frankly, trying to tie it in to the birth of Christ. Because, at the time, it meant nothing. It would have to be a completely different story. Put it another way, no Romans were worried or thinking about the coming of the Messiah.”

It was a Christmas story Heller didn’t want to tell. Even so, he had some interesting ideas already in place, including a vision of the ancient Holy Lands being closer to Monty Python’s Life of Brian than Ben-Hur.

“Palestine was in ferment at the time, and messiahs were popping up all over the place,” Heller says. “Judaism, at that point, was in a moment very much like Islam at the moment, full of passion and ferment and faith, and dreams of martyrdom.”

Like much else with Rome, it feels like a fascinating opportunity left unfulfilled, but one that the creator is glad to leave unexplored.

All Roads Lead to Rome’s Legacy

Rome shined briefly but brightly on premium cable. Premiering in the fall of 2005, it was gone by spring ’07. But even shortly after its cancellation, there were some small whispers of regret because of the show’s DVD sales; whispers that continue to be heard by stars of the series. McKidd says if you asked HBO in 2020, some would likely wince again at cancelling it, as he heard they did by the time season 2 aired. But “they couldn’t go back on that, or felt they couldn’t.”

But if it burned off like a Roman candle—with fire and thunder in its wake—the show still provided a roadmap for how to produce a massive spectacle as a television series.

“I think a lot of the producers that aren’t the ones that you hear about mostly, like Frank Doelger… were all pivotal on Rome and went directly into Game of Thrones,” McKidd says. “Frank Doelger was one of the main producers, and he very much was the guy who whipped our show into shape and we learned a lot of lessons. So yeah, I think very directly, those people went into Game of Thrones and had learned a lot about how to do this kind of level [of production.]”

Heller likewise marvels at how HBO learned from Rome’s problems with its initially more affordable and tighter fantasy epic.

“The way they divided crews up in Game of Thrones, it was clever because there was always a general staff of central command, but they had more than one general, and they didn’t lose control of the generals,” Heller says.

And just as Rome carved a path for the modern era of epic television shows, Game of Thrones has now created a space for more diverse TV epics like Netflix’s The Witcher and Amazon’s upcoming Lord of the Rings series.

“[We were] ahead of the curve in the sense that it was too early,” Heller says. “But it’s not so much the audience [changed], as it is the appetite and the ability of networks and studios to make things of that size and to promote them and to market them, and to have faith and the courage to back them up.”

This series walked so that Peak TV could run. It’s a formidable legacy, and one that proves all roads in blockbuster television really do lead back to Rome.

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hancockstan · 5 years ago

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Ok so here is my promised examination on why The Citadel and all its warboys got so immediately popular while The Legion are mostly hated as a group despite both post apocalyptic factions being patriarchal and the foundations of both are based on slavery.

I want to start by saying that obviously not everyone likes the warboys and not everyone despises the legionaries and that anyone who enjoys making fanworks or dunking on either are completely valid in doing so.

Spoiler warning from this point forward for both franchises.

The first thing I want to start with is Joe and Edward themselves as well as their high command. The two leaders have a lot of similarities at first glance; costumes of their own design, sicknesses that neither have the means to cure, misogyny out the wazoo, a cult of personality centered around them, empires built on military conquest and subsequent exploitation of the conquered people, the list goes on. (Also, more of an opinion but they always struck me as just a little beyond their pay grade in terms of actually leading a thriving society.) The difference I want to focus on is the fandom reaction and interpretation of both of these characters. A large portion of Fallout fans make killing Caesar one of the most important moments in their fanworks and relatively few ships involving him exist, let alone with any popularity. In contrast while Joe’s death is also a staple of character examinations and (at least in my experience) considered completely cheer worthy by audiences, its also not hard to find Immortan fans. At its peak, the Fury Road fandom had an active sub-tag called the gigadumpster which included any works (especially nsfw) featuring Immortan Joe, Bullet Farmer, or People Eater. Now it stands to mention that while Caesar himself doesn’t tend to be popular, Vulpes, Joshua, and Lanius have a decent following, at least enough to rival the popularity of the Gigadumpster trio. Which brings me to my next comparison: the Bullet Farmer and Joshua Graham. Both helped establish their factions and were close enough to their leaders to be in high positions of influence and power. Both even called their leaders their brothers. But more importantly, both eventually failed their respective leaders although Bullet Farmer didn’t live to face the consequences this may have held for him. I think that this is the first key to understanding the popularity of The Citadel. We know that for his failure Josh was set on fire and pushed into the Grand Canyon. His character allows for many different interpretations on how this has changed him. Some people take his word in the dlc that he has changed and found god again while others see him as the same man except opposed to Caesar now. Alternatively, Kalashnikov didn’t live to face the repercussions of his actions, an important distinction. When left to imagine how Joe may have reacted to the Bullet Farmer’s failure if he had lived but still failed to bring back his wives or even more extreme; accidentally killed one, the fandom tends to imagine him more forgiving than we should perhaps give him credit for. In a deleted scene (if we can assume this is what canonically happened to Miss Giddy given that nothing in the theatrical release contradicts it) the teacher who Joe has trusted enough to allow her to live with his wives was subjected to torture at the hands of the Organic Mechanic and then left in the desert to die with Splendid’s corpse. While I’m not suggesting that Miss Giddy would be anywhere near equal to the Bullet Farmer in terms of freedoms Joe allows them I am saying that we have at least one example of The Immortan not being the most forgiving guy. In addition to this we never see a scene where Joe mourns for Kalashnikov as he did for Angharad. This suggests that canonically he cared more for either this enslaved woman or the idea of having an abled son to carry on his legacy than he did about K.

Now to switch gears a little bit I’d like to point out the difference in the roles of women in the Citadel vs the Legion. Both have explicitly shown that women are treated as property and experience sexual violence. Furthermore, both the Legion and Citadel philosophies state that every person is a servant to their power structures, emphasized especially when the wives toss Nux out of the war rig and tell him he’s an old man’s battle fodder. To address the elephant in the room, one of the most powerful positions in the Citadel, under the Immortan’s family and the other two warlords, are imperators. The only named imperator in the film being of course, Furiosa. This in and of itself suggests that while extremely rare (she’s visibly the only women in their society holding any power) it is possible. Also, as others have pointed out some of the overall wearing warboys in the war party are played by stuntwomen. Miss Giddy doesn’t seem to hold any sway in the Citadel’s chain of command but she is afforded the “privileges” that the wives are in the vault as well. Educated, allowed to teach the wives, and afforded some level of comfort in comparison to the wretched at least, she’s another example of a woman in the Citadel that has more nuance than rag wearing slave. The only woman in the Legion that might be a good counterpart comparison is Siri. As she was taken from her home before she could complete her medical training and forced to serve the Legion as a doctor she is very careful not to do or say anything to get in trouble. Miss Giddy is introduced when her character is well passed the point of caring about consequences and points a shotgun at Joe while yelling, “You can not own a human being! Sooner or later someone pushes back!” It’s fairly easy to say which of these portrayals is more satisfying.

Finally, what might be the most obvious reason the warboys are loved and the legion remains its game’s least popular faction. The warboys are shown sympathetically. Namely, Nux. After being forsaken by his leader he takes a lesson in humanity from Capable and does his best to help the warrig family escape and later take the Citadel. It actually starts earlier in the film than some people may have noticed though, while Furiosa drove through Buzzard territory, our titicular protagonist was still strapped to the front of a car. While we weren’t revealed Furiosa’s motives yet the movie is framed in such a way that encourages us to root for her over the buzzards when she turns down Ace’s suggestion to turn around and run them into their backup (the warparty sent to capture her). During this scene we see Morsov get shot with a crossbow. There’s a short lull in action as Nux quietly encourages, “Get up, you can do it.” Finally he does, in order to leap to his death, destroying the Buzzard car along with him. And so it is revealed the warboys purpose. Obviously, the movie format doesn’t allow for choices like a video game. The Legion is at its biggest disadvantage in this regard because in order to learn anything humanizing about them you have to decide to play the legion route.

Anyway, that’s my analysis. Please yell at me for overlooking things and tell me how much you hate the warboys or love the legion. I’m only accepting comments in the form of bullying right now.

#mad max #fallout new vegas #legion #fury road #mmfr #gigadumpster mention #spoilers under cut #I'm working 50 hour workweeks during a plague and I have perhaps not been sleeping enough

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ask-shakespearehigh · 5 years ago

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in true highschooler fashion i must know.... who are the weebs and the gamers of the cast

Aster’s Kids

(( [name]*= has responded/been mentioned/is set, but has not appeared in design))

Macbeth

Macbeth— no, he did homestuck but he doesn’t really do games and has seen one (1) anime, bc of Banquo (it was FMA:B)

Lady— she’s “too pretty to know what that (anime) is”

Banquo— he’s like. Casually anime. FMA and FMA:B, Yu Yu Hakusho, he had an Inuyasha phase briefly, and he’s big into Pokemon. He doesn’t do much console or PC gaming, but he has a DS and he plays Pokemon games, Stardew Valley (if that’s on DS???), and Animal Crossing (he likes. Chill task based games)

Macduff— will play smash and Mario Kart at parties and is decent

Duncan— nah

Malcolm— dumb shoujo anime/manga is his secret guilty pleasure

Donalbain— he plays indie games. He got Very into Undertale. He likes Bastion, One Hand Clapping, and Cave Story.

Twelfth Night

Viola— their family owns a Wii and she fucking kills it at Wii Sports. Also Mario Kart. She’d be better at Smash if she didn’t insist on always playing as Kirby.

Sebastian— same as Viola.

Antonio— he’s played overwatch. That’s about it though

Duke— he’s seen a few anime, mostly via Netflix surfing. He actually really likes Ouran.

Olivia— nah

Malvolio— nah

Taming of the Shrew

Kate— nah

Bianca— nah

Petruchio— he feels like he plays some sorta FPS

Julius Caesar

Julius— nah

Calpurnia— animal crossing sometimes

Cassius— yes he’s anime but it’s a secret and he will Never admit it

Brutus— he’s anime and Will admit it but no one has ever asked

Octavius — he plays fortnite but he hates that he does so

The Tempest

Miranda— fire emblem baybee

Caliban*

Prospero*

Much Ado About Nothing

Beatrice— probably but idk what

Benedick— same

Borachio

Others

Antony— Smash and Mario Kart at parties and stuff. Got very hyped about Dream Daddy, it was ironic at first but then.

Cleopatra— same as Lady.

Star’s Kids

Hamlet

Hamlet (Tristson) - no. Watches horatio and ophelia instead of playing bc he has “better things to do”

Ophelia (Elskerson) - beats her brothers ass in smash. Mains peach and isabelle. Has played stardew valley. Also mario kart

Horatio (Venson) - plays smash w ophelia and sometimes w yorick. Mains fox and ness. Surprisingly good at mario kart.

Laertes (Elskerson) - has gotten his ass beat in smash. Mains ganondorf and bowser but he sucks at it lol. Aggressively hype abt wii games for no reason

Yorick - hes baby but he has played smash.

Fortinbras - hes too busy studying

Rosencrantz* - yeah both but i dont rlly care abt them sorry :(

Guildenstern* - “”

Gertrude* - no

Claudius* - no

Hamlet’s Dad* - no

Romeo and Juliet

Romeo (Montague) - YES the montacrew has game nights (smash, mario kart, just dance) Benny made him watch ouran and his favorite is tamaki

Juliet (Capulet) - has played mario kart w tybalt but isnt rlly a gamer girl. She likes shoujo anime a Lot and loves cardcaptor sakura

Mercutio (Prince) - KING OF JUST DANCE!!!!!!! KING. Owned a sasuke body pillow on a dare from romeo in middle school. Benny got rid of it. Has seen princess jellyfish

Benvolio (Montague) - shounen stan for the most part. Fairy tail, naruto, dragonball etc. watches slice of life to make fun of it for being cliche. Cried really hard at the nina tucker episode of fma:b

Tybalt (Capulet) - i feel like….he plays overwatch….and mains hanzo

Paris (Bellarico) - has seen episodes of bnha and sailor moon but isnt an avid anime fan. Thinks the 90’s anime aesthetic is sweet

Escalus (Prince) - owned a gamecube growing up and loves pokemon. Slides references to them in his homework like a NERD.

Rosaline*

Othello

Othello (Cuore) - mario kart and smash (doesnt main anyone he likes trying out every character but thinks big mac is fun even tho hes not rlly good at the game) he likes pokemon but doesnt play the games. Watched the anime growing up.

Desdemona (Di’Bianca) - “”””fake”””” gamer girl energy but she’s already tracer AND widowmaker. Good luck stopping her. Sipped a grande low-fat whip caramel macchiato while watching the E3 stream.

Iago (Ilmale) - HE LIKES SONIC UNIRONICALLY BC HE GREW UP W IT. He’s seen some classic shounen anime like bleach and tried bnha. Liked bakugou.

(Michael) Cassio - played persona. Catches himself singing Last Surprise under his breath. Thinks akira kurusu is really hot. Hes right. Has yet to try anime but hes interested

Roderigo (Ingenuo) - i wanna say hes played like dating sims? But not gross creepy ones i mean like from indie artists. Undertale fucked him up real bad.

Emilia (Ilmale) - she likes women she hopped on revolutionary girl utena and keeps searching for wlw anime. Bloom into you got her messed up rn

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Puck (Robin Goodfellow) - runs a gaming channel on youtube and watches a Lot of anime. Definitely has a lot of merch

Oberon (Kingsman) - anime and game nights at his house! Owns dream daddy for the gay rights.

Titania (Queensland) - realized she was gay after watching sailor moon and the “””cousins”””. Pretty good at video games. Has the persona dancing star night game for seemingly no reason (its for ann)

Peaseblossom - LOVED princess tutu and never shuts up about it. Plays the hall om mig amv all the time

Moth - sings anime ops randomly for no reason. Mains the cute characters on smash

Cobweb - married tharja in fates for the goth rights. Mains bayonetta.

Mustardseed - MINECRAFT.

Hermia - puella magica madoka girl. LOVES the magical girl aesthetic. Started sewing bows onto her dresses

Lysander - the designated gamer of the 4. Immediately attaches to pretty boys in animes. Claimed he was a “bishounen” himself when he was like 14 and the rest havent let him live it down.

Helena - likes mystery/horror anime like baccano and tokyo ghoul

Demetrius - action shounen stan. Owns an akatsuki cloak

Nick Bottom* - watches hentai

Puck’s Dad 1 (Puck based) - pokemon champion fire red

Puck’s Dad 2 (Oberon based) - pokemon champion leaf green

Love’s Labor’s Lost

Ferdinand - started playing volleyball bc he likes haikyuu. didnt think hed get this far

Birone - thinks fma:b is the peak of anime and hes right.

Longaville - likes the boxing anime (cant remember what its called) and smash (mains ryu)

Dumaine - hes the video of the drunk guy making all of the noises in the crash bandicoot game

Princess - she Is revolutionary girl utena

Rosalina - won’t ever admit it but does watch some anime from time to time.

Katherine - hibiki girls euphonium stan even tho she doesnt play an instrument

Maria - got tricked into playing fortnite once. Plays minecraft on peaceful and is rlly excited about bees being in the game

Others

William Shakespeare - “anne whats a waifu”

Anne Shakespeare - has a pkmn card collection. Loves sylveon

#shakespeare #mod star #mod aster #UGHHHHHH #all

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casual568a · 6 years ago

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30 day One Piece challenge, day 2

02. Your favourite villain

Unlike the last one, this one was easy;

Donquixote Doflamingo is easily the best and most terrifying villain we’ve yet to encounter in One Piece. My god he is horrifying, even though he’s now been defeated.

We first saw Doflamingo in chapter 233, and we finally got to his arc in chapter 700+. It took him 12 years to make his appearance properly.

So Doflamingo is one of those few bad guys we waited years to encounter. He first appeared in way back in 2002, and after that made his appearance at some key points of the story. Everytime we saw him during that time he was potrayed as this extremely ruthless individual, but not much more. We were then slowly shown more and more how dangerous he truly was, and this peaked at the Marineford arc and especially after it. When Doflamingo literally threathens the World Government officials, we finally realized that this man was more terrifying and influental than we had initially thought.

His visual design is just amazing. My god, I never thought I'd be this terrified of a grinning man wearing a huge pink feather coat, and how WRONG I was. His design is so ridiculous that you'd never think this guy was as horrifying as he was, which is an amazing contrast. From the sunglasses to the slightly curved shoes he has, all the details are well thought out, including his impressive height of 3 m/10ft. He is so unnerving when he uses his height to intimidate those below him.

Almost every panel of him smirking is enough to send chills down my spine. His smirk is so hair-raising, and when it rarely dies, you know shit’s about to hit the fan. His Devil Fruit complements him perfectly, and the way fights with it is so beautiful to watch. The way he flies with it, the string clone, the birdcage, the way he fixed his organs. Doflamingo is one of the few who has learned to maximize the use of his fruit, and the fact that he’s so damn good with it makes him all the more dangerous.

Also the way his past is made up is amazing. We’re shown that even before the torture and loss he suffered, he’s already mad. Like Rosinante said, Doflamingo was born evil. The hardships he went through only amplified his will to do evil and broadened the demographic up to the Tenryuubitos along with normal humans. His past is definitely tragic, and the way it still haunts him to this day makes him so much more spine-chilling than he already is.

I am not afraid of a person who doesn’t love his family and kills.

I am afraid of a person who loves his family and, despite that, kills.

Sure, Doflamingos concept of family is damn warped, but he still cares for them, proven when he gets mad at people laughing at Pica, or gets rid of the people who try to exploit Baby 5′s nature, to mention a few. He cares, and he feels. Being emotional and understanding how emotions work is very important when you manipulate people.

So this man not only feels some level of affection towards his family, and yet still he so cruelly abuses the citizens of Dressrosa, turns anyone into toys, no matter the gender or age, kills Rosinante and allows Caesar to experiment on children.

He full well understands how his actions affect the people, yet he feels no remorse whatsoever doing all these deeds. He is so damn ruthless while looking like a pink, oversized feather duster with legs.

Depsite him being so utterly despicable and cruel, I can’t bring myself to hate him in the least. I love him as a character, he’s so well written, he’s so charismatic, he’s so damn interesting and terrifying at the same time.

Also flamingos are my favourite animals. Completely unrelated.

#one piece #one piece challenge #one piece graphics #donquixote doflamingo #568A talks

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scientificphilosopher · 7 years ago

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One day on the streets of Alexandria, Egypt, in the year 415 or 416, a mob of Christian zealots led by Peter the Lector accosted a woman’s carriage and dragged her from it and into a church, where they stripped her and beat her to death with roofing tiles. They then tore her body apart and burned it. Who was this woman and what was her crime? Hypatia was one of the last great thinkers of ancient Alexandria and one of the first women to study and teach mathematics, astronomy and philosophy. Though she is remembered more for her violent death, her dramatic life is a fascinating lens through which we may view the plight of science in an era of religious and sectarian conflict.

Founded by Alexander the Great in 331 B.C., the city of Alexandria quickly grew into a center of culture and learning for the ancient world. At its heart was the museum, a type of university, whose collection of more than a half-million scrolls was housed in the library of Alexandria.

Alexandria underwent a slow decline beginning in 48 B.C., when Julius Caesar conquered the city for Rome and accidentally burned down the library. (It was then rebuilt.) By 364, when the Roman Empire split and Alexandria became part of the eastern half, the city was beset by fighting among Christians, Jews and pagans. Further civil wars destroyed much of the library’s contents. The last remnants likely disappeared, along with the museum, in 391, when the archbishop Theophilus acted on orders from the Roman emperor to destroy all pagan temples. Theophilus tore down the temple of Serapis, which may have housed the last scrolls, and built a church on the site.

The last known member of the museum was the mathematician and astronomer Theon—Hypatia’s father.

Some of Theon’s writing has survived. His commentary (a copy of a classical work that incorporates explanatory notes) on Euclid’s Elements was the only known version of that cardinal work on geometry until the 19th century. But little is known about his and Hypatia’s family life. Even Hypatia’s date of birth is contested—scholars long held that she was born in 370 but modern historians believe 350 to be more likely. The identity of her mother is a complete mystery, and Hypatia may have had a brother, Epiphanius, though he may have been only Theon’s favorite pupil.

Theon taught mathematics and astronomy to his daughter, and she collaborated on some of his commentaries. It is thought that Book III of Theon’s version of Ptolemy’s Almagest—the treatise that established the Earth-centric model for the universe that wouldn’t be overturned until the time of Copernicus and Galileo—was actually the work of Hypatia.

She was a mathematician and astronomer in her own right, writing commentaries of her own and teaching a succession of students from her home. Letters from one of these students, Synesius, indicate that these lessons included how to design an astrolabe, a kind of portable astronomical calculator that would be used until the 19th century.

Beyond her father’s areas of expertise, Hypatia established herself as a philosopher in what is now known as the Neoplatonic school, a belief system in which everything emanates from the One. (Her student Synesius would become a bishop in the Christian church and incorporate Neoplatonic principles into the doctrine of the Trinity.) Her public lectures were popular and drew crowds. “Donning [the robe of a scholar], the lady made appearances around the center of the city, expounding in public to those willing to listen on Plato or Aristotle,” the philosopher Damascius wrote after her death.

Hypatia never married and likely led a celibate life, which possibly was in keeping with Plato’s ideas on the abolition of the family system. The Suda lexicon, a 10th-century encyclopedia of the Mediterranean world, describes her as being “exceedingly beautiful and fair of form. . . in speech articulate and logical, in her actions prudent and public-spirited, and the rest of the city gave her suitable welcome and accorded her special respect.”

Her admirers included Alexandria’s governor, Orestes. Her association with him would eventually lead to her death.

Theophilus, the archbishop who destroyed the last of Alexandria’s great Library, was succeeded in 412 by his nephew, Cyril, who continued his uncle’s tradition of hostilities toward other faiths. (One of his first actions was to close and plunder the churches belonging to the Novatian Christian sect.)

With Cyril the head of the main religious body of the city and Orestes in charge of the civil government, a fight began over who controlled Alexandria. Orestes was a Christian, but he did not want to cede power to the church. The struggle for power reached its peak following a massacre of Christians by Jewish extremists, when Cyril led a crowd that expelled all Jews from the city and looted their homes and temples. Orestes protested to the Roman government in Constantinople. When Orestes refused Cyril’s attempts at reconciliation, Cyril’s monks tried unsuccessfully to assassinate him.

Hypatia, however, was an easier target. She was a pagan who publicly spoke about a non-Christian philosophy, Neoplatonism, and she was less likely to be protected by guards than the now-prepared Orestes. A rumor spread that she was preventing Orestes and Cyril from settling their differences. From there, Peter the Lector and his mob took action and Hypatia met her tragic end.

Cyril’s role in Hypatia’s death has never been clear. “Those whose affiliations lead them to venerate his memory exonerate him; anticlericals and their ilk delight in condemning the man,” Michael Deakin wrote in his 2007 book Hypatia of Alexandria.

Meanwhile, Hypatia has become a symbol for feminists, a martyr to pagans and atheists and a character in fiction. Voltaire used her to condemn the church and religion. The English clergyman Charles Kingsley made her the subject of a mid-Victorian romance. And she is the heroine, played by Rachel Weisz, in the Spanish movie Agora, which will be released later this year in the United States. The film tells the fictional story of Hypatia as she struggles to save the library from Christian zealots.

Neither paganism nor scholarship died in Alexandria with Hypatia, but they certainly took a blow. “Almost alone, virtually the last academic, she stood for intellectual values, for rigorous mathematics, ascetic Neoplatonism, the crucial role of the mind, and the voice of temperance and moderation in civic life,” Deakin wrote. She may have been a victim of religious fanaticism, but Hypatia remains an inspiration even in modern times.

Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hypatia-ancient-alexandrias-great-female-scholar-10942888/#xXy0ixJgQ16pi42c.99

#hypatia #smithsonian magazine #sarah zielinski #smithsonian #women philosophers #alexandria #library of alexandria #history #history of philosophy #christianity #religion #feminism

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maudelebowski29 · 7 years ago

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My Top 10 Movies Of 2017

So this was hard because I saw a lot of good shit this year and I thought 2017 was a way better year for films than 2016. Here’s my list:

1. Baby Driver Is Edgar Wright capable of making a terrible movie? The answer so far has been a resounding no. The man who gave us The Cornetto Trilogy and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World continues his unstoppable streak as one of the best film makers of the 21st century and gives us a fantastic hybrid of heist movie and jukebox musical. Baby Driver is an excellent example of great character study, technical prowess, and scene geography. I adored every second of it. It also has the best soundtrack of the year. Oh, and a film that finally knows how to use Jon Hamm correctly!

2. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 Are Wonder Woman, Logan, and Thor: Ragnarok technically better movies than this? Probably. But I don’t care. GOTG Vol. 2 is still my favorite comic book movie of 2017 and holds the most emotional resonance for me. It deals with themes of losing a parent, toxic fatherhood, and making a family of people who aren’t blood-related to you and it had many moments where I wept in a movie theater openly. It’s a tearjerking heartbreaker that still manages to deliver the laughs and satisfying space battles. I can’t wait to see what James Gunn has in store for us in Guardians 3.

3. Blade Runner 2049 Easily the best science fiction movie of 2017. Absolutely gorgeous to look at, fantastic performances all around (including one of the best roles Harrison Ford has had in many years) and manages to ask a lot of poignant questions about what it means to be human. There are things about it I like even more than the original and that’s saying a lot. Unfortunately this didn’t do well at the box office, but I hope more people do see it. Denis Villeneuve is one of the most gifted directors working today.

4. Thor: Ragnarok The best movie in the Thor trilogy, the most fun I had at a movie all year, and it has some subtle anti-colonialism messaging to boot. Marvel lets Taika Waititi loose on their product and he gave us a cosmic party adventure that wouldn’t look out of place in the Flash Gordon universe. It’s drenched in 80′s - the colors, the costume design, and Mark Mothersbaugh’s synthy score, but it doesn’t feel cynical like the upcoming Ready Player One. Also, hearing the term “devil’s anus” in a superhero movie will never not be funny to me.

5. I, Tonya Darkly funny, well acted, and an almost feminist call-to-arms to reevaluate Tonya Harding in the pop-culture landscape. This is a star-making turn for Margot Robbie and I hope she wins all the awards she can for it. We also see strong acting from Sebastian Stan, Allison Janney, Paul Walter Hauser, and Bobby Canavale. The cast is stellar. I only saw this a couple days ago as of typing this out and I can’t stop thinking about it.

6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi My favorite Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back. I loved The Force Awakens but you can’t deny it played it quite safe. This, on the other hand, does not. I love the weird, bold choices it makes in terms of storytelling and the Star Wars mythos, the characters, and the stunning visuals. Mark Hamill has never been better as Luke Skywalker and Rey, Kylo, Poe, and Finn continue to be fascinating. I also really loved Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico, a fangirl who loves Finn but doesn’t shy away from pointing out his faults. Plus a lot of MRA and Reddit choads hated this movie which gives it a ringing endorsement, as far as I’m concerned.

7. Logan Lucky Holy shit. A movie about working-class people that doesn’t condescend to them. Steven Soderbergh’s return to the director’s chair sees him going back to the well for a heist movie but I liked this way better than any of his Ocean’s films. Adam Driver’s quiet dignity as Clyde and Channing Tatum’s likable Jimmy make for a great duo. Though Daniel Craig steals the show as Joe Bang. He’s terrific. There’s a scene in this movie where a little girl sings “Country Roads” by John Denver at a beauty pageant and could have been corny as hell and laughable. But it’s not. It’s a show-stopper and an emotionally effective moment.

8. Get Out The best horror movie of the year. No contest. Smart and genuinely scary. It has a lot of intelligent and relevant commentary about race in America but never comes across as preachy and heavy-handed. The fact that this is Jordan Peele’s first time as a director is astonishing. Oh, and I will never look at a spoon tapping against a teacup the same way ever again. *shudders*

9. Logan So if you’re Fox what do you do with the X-Men franchise after the disappointment of Apocalypse? Why, you do a Wolverine solo movie, make it R-Rated, and turn the universe into a dystopian western. Nice. Logan isn’t for everyone - it’s violent and bloody as hell and there are no happy endings. But I fucking loved it. It’s certainly the best X-Men film since First Class. Dafne Keen is a revelation as Laura Kinney (X-23) and one of my favorite female characters in recent memory. When her claws came out the first time I literally squeed in the theater. Please give her her own movie as soon as possible. Logan is a fitting send-off to Hugh Jackman’s signature role.

10. War For The Planet Of The Apes The third entry in the second best trilogy of the 2010′s (the first being Captain America) is a different breed of summer blockbuster and one I hope to see more of. It’s thoughtful, ambitious, and emotionally devastating. The themes of slavery and genocide and the allusions to militias and the white power movement are pretty clear and it definitely puts you on the side of the apes. Andy Serkis is still amazing as Caesar and the motion capture used to create him is astoundingly realistic, Woody Harrelson is genuinely frightening as the main villain, and Amiah Miller as the mute Nova is one of the best child performances of the year. Oh, and that last shot is killer. I’m hoping they make more of these films, but if they don’t this is one hell of a finale.

Some honorable mentions: Spider-Man: Homecoming Huge thank you to Marvel Studios for saving our favorite webslinger from the awful Amazing Spider-Man franchise, two movies that turned Peter Parker into Edward Cullen from Twilight (ugh).

Wonder Woman After the cinematic wrongness of Man Of Steel, Batman v. Superman, and Suicide Squad (three of the worst big-budget movies of the decade that are not Transformers films), I had really low expectations for this one and was pleasantly surprised by how good this is. Three words: No Man’s Land.

IT Another film that surprised the hell out of me. A horror movie released in the beginning of September has no fucking right to be this good. But it is!

Dunkirk Christopher Nolan at the peak of his powers. This almost made my top 10 list for its technical acumen alone but it didn’t quite make the cut.

Atomic Blonde Probably the best pure action movie of the year. Is the plot convoluted as all hell? Sure. But it has Charlize Theron kicking major ass in well-choreographed fight scenes and making out with Sofia Boutella. What’s not to love?

#michelle makes lists #best movies of 2017

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nosequotes · 6 years ago

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The Literary Garland: Notes on the Nose, 1845

NOTES ON THE NOSE. Undoubtedly the most neglected and ill-used part of the human face is the nose. The poetical literature of all nations extols the other features: the eyes, for instance, have furnished a theme for the most sublime poetry; cheeks with their witching dimples and captivating things, have drawn froth some of the finest similes that were ever invented; and the raptures which have been indicted concerning lips, it would take an age to enumerate. The hair, also, has from time immemorial been intensified into “silken tresses” in printed, as well as manuscript verses; and “sonnets to a mistress’s eyebrow” are of continual occurrence; but it may be safely averred, that in the universal anthology of civilized or uncivilized man, there is not to be found a truly sentimental effusion to a nose! Indeed, so far from exciting any of the graver emotions of the mind, it would appear that there is a hidden something in that feature to deaden, rather than to excite, sentiment. The cheeks whether pale with care, or red with blushing, strongly excite the sympathies: a glance of the eye is all-powerful in calling up the most vivid emotions; but who ever remembers any very intense feeling being awakened by a twitch of the nose? On the contrary, that unfortunate feature seems to have been especially appropriated by humorists to cut their jibes upon. It has, from the earliest ages, been made the subject of disparaging and sportive remarks. It has been set up as a mark to be hit by ridicule — as a butt for the arrows of satire; as if it were an organ, proper to be played upon by nothing but wit. We may grow eloquent concerning eyes, speak raptures of lips, and even sentimentalize upon chins, but the bare mention of the nasal promontory is certain to excite a smile. What the latent quality may be which is so productive of risibility in this instance, it seems difficult to discover, for, in point of utility, the physiologist will tell you that the noise is quite on a par with the rest of the face. To it the respiratory system owes the ingress and egress of a great portion of the food of life — air. To it we are indebted for the sense of smell. Moreover, it acts as the emunctuary of the brain. In an ornamental point of view, the physiognomist declares that the nose is a main element of facial beauty; and without stopping to inquire how very much this depends upon its shape, we may just corroborate the fact, by hinting the unpicturesque effect which is produced by a countenance that happens to be bereft of the nasal appendage.

The authority of physiognomists may, indeed, be almost taken without examination; for they are undoubtedly, of all connoisseurs, the greatest in noses. Their prototypes, the augurs of old, went so far as to judge of a man’s character by the shape of his nose; and this has been in some degree justified by a French writer, who appears to be deeply versed in the subject. “Though,” he asserts, “the organ is only susceptible of a moderate degree of action, while the passions are agitating the rest of the countenance, yet these limited motions are performed with great ease.” In addition to this, we find Sir Charles Bell remarking, in his “Anatomy and Physiology of Expression,” “that the nostrils are features which have a powerful effect in expression. The breath being drawn through them, and their structure formed for alternate expansion and contraction in correspondence with the motions of the chest, they are an index of the condition of respiration, when affected by emotion.” The nose may therefore be regarded as somewhat indicative of, and in harmony with, the character of the individual.

It is probably by reason of this connection of the external nose with the internal characteristics, that so many proverbs and axioms have taken rise in reference to both. Thus, the French say of a clever man, that he has a “fine nose;” of a proud man, that “he carries his nose in the air.” An inquisitive person is said to “poke his nose everywhere.” A gourmand is described as always having his nose in his plate: that of the scholar is declared to be always in his books. When an individual is growing angry under provocation, the French also say, “the mustard rises in his nose.” Neither are we in this country deficient of similar sayings. A man, for instance, who does not form very decisive opinions — who is swayed more by the persuasions of others, than by his own judgment — is described as being “led by the nose.” The same is said when any strong inducement turns a person aside from a previously formed intention; thus Shakespeare — “Though authority be a stubborn bear, Yet he is often led by the nose with gold.”

Individuals not blessed with much acuteness or forethought, are said “not to see beyond their noses.” Others who, to do some injury to an enemy, injure themselves, are declared “to cut off the nose to spite the face.” The condition of a supplanted rival is described as that of a person who “has had his nose put out of joint;” with a hundred other proverbs in which the hose takes a most prominent part. All of these, it will be observed, are of a comic cast; while every simile and allusion made to the eyes, the brow, and the other features, is of the most serious and poetical character. If, therefore, the ordinary organ, considered and alluded to in the abstract, be provocative of jocularity, in how much higher a degree must it provoke the smiles of the comically inclined, when it happens to be an oddly shaped, or out-of-the-way nose? — when any of those very uncomplimentary epithets, which have been invented to designate different noses of all sorts and sizes, can be emphatically applied to it; such as hook-nose, hatchet-nose, club-nose, snub-nose, pug-nose, potato-nose, peaked-nose, parrot’s-nose, turned-up-nose; or when it is figuratively termed a conk, a snout, a proboscis; or, like the nose of Shlawkenbergius, a promontory. This, by the way, brings to mind the etymology of the word, which is in Saxon “ness,” meaning also a point of land, as Stromness, Blackness, and a hundred other nesses or noses which mother-earth pokes out into the sea.

Of jests concerning eccentric noses, an immense collection might be made; but a few of them will suffice, chiefly to show to what remote antiquity facetiae on noses may be traced. One of the best is attributed to the Emperor Trajan, on a man who had, besides a long nose, very large teeth. It has been thus versified: —

Let Dick one summer’s day expose Before the sun his monstrous nose, And stretch his giant mouth, to cause Its shade to fall upon his jaws: — With nose so long and mouth so wide, And those twelve grinders side by side, Dick with very little trial, Would make an excellent sun-dial.

The literal translation of this epigrammatic extravaganza is — “Placing your nose opposite to the sun, and opening your mouth, you will show the hour to all passengers.” Another Greek poet describes a friend’s nose as ‘being so immense, that its distance from his ears prevents him from hearing himself sneeze.” Castor’s nose was said to be in itself all the useful instruments of life — a spade, a trumpet, an anchor, a pot-hook, etc.

Certain noses have, however, been celebrated in history, not as a matter for jest, but as distinguishable features belonging to great men. The romans had a proverb which signifies, “it is not given to every one to have a nose,” meaning that it was not the good fortune of all to exhibit a marked and precise nasal individuality; to have, in fact, an expressive nose. The individuals whose noses have lived in history were, it would seem favored in this particular. The great Cryus had a long sharp nose; hence it is said that the noses of all Persian princes are pinched by bandages, that they may grow like their great prototype in at least one particular. Cicero was called the “orator with the equivocal nose.” Julius Caesar’s was an aquiline nose; as was that of Aspasia, of Paris, and of Achilles. The nose of Socrates was a decided pug.

As a mater of taste and ornament, the nose has gained the attention and researches of authors and artists in a prominent degree. It has ben truly remarked, that the nose is the center around which the other portions of the face are arranged and harmonized. It is, in a degree, the regulator of the other features. Many celebrated artists estimate that its length should be a third of the length of the face, from the tip of the chin to the roots of the hair. If there be any deviation from this rule, it must, it would appear, be in excess, for all unite in preferring large to diminutive noses. Plato called the aquiline the royal nose; and it is evident from their works, that none of the ancient masters of sculpture and painting considered a liberal allowance of nose as a deformity. Even in a physical point of view, this excess appears to be far from detrimental. “Give me,” said Napoleon, “a man with a good alliance of nose. Strange as it may appear, when I want any good head-work done, I choose a man — provided his education has been suitable — with a long nose. His breathing is bold and free, and his brain, as well as his lungs and heart, cool and clear. In my observation of men, I have almost invariably found a long nose and a long head together.” Like this great general, the ancients entertained a marked preference for an ample nose; but all beauty is relative, and taste as capricious and varying as the winds. Amongst the Kalmucks, a short dumpy club-nose is considered the perfection of beauty. The Hottentots press the noses of their infants so as to flatten them; and the Chinese require a nose to be short and thick, ere it can accord with their notions of good form.

Amongst Europeans, the preference has always been given to the straight, or Grecian nose, as exhibited by the Venus de Medicis. Sir Joshua Reynolds, observes, in his Essay on Beauty, that “the line that forms the ridge of the nose is beautiful when it is straight; this, then, is the central from which is offender found than either the concave, convex, or any other irregular form that shall be proposed.” Opinions are, however, occasionally divided between this and the aquiline, or Roman form of nose, especially for men. yet, how much soever tastes may differ, one fact is certain, that — with the exception of the Crim-Tartars, who formerly broke their children’s noses, because they stood in the way of their eyes — all nations consider this prominent feature a great ornament.

It appears, then, that the nose differs from all the other features in as far as it is regarded by mankind in two entirely different points of view, namely, as a thing essentially ridiculous, and as a thing indispensable to the beauty of the face, and in itself beautiful. Does not this curiously show how near the whimsical and the serious are to each other. We gaze with pleasure on a female face which is set off with a fine nose, and acknowledge the effect which that elegant object has in the tout ensemble; yet, if wishing to apostrophize this lady’s beauty in the language of the poet, we allude to everything except the nose. On that point, not a word! It would at once mar the effect of the whole. Why is this? Because, in general, we associate only ridiculous ideas with the nose. And what, again, is the cause of this ridicule? Alas! good reader, I fear it must be traced to some of the useful functions served by the organ. Man strains after the fine, which flies from him; the useful is his willing drudge, and he laughs at it. If the nose were of as little service to us as the cheeks, it would doubtless be as much, and as undecidedly admired.

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cleancutpage · 6 years ago

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Detroit’s Next Chapter: From Bankrupt to Building Up

This post originally appeared on Marketplace Advertiser, Reonomy and is republished with permission. Find out how to syndicate your content with theBrokerList.

After the 2008 financial crisis, Detroit found itself in an even more ominous situation than the rest of the United States.

As the Great Recession came to dismantle the U.S. housing market and automotive industry, a bad situation got much worse for Detroit, an already-struggling city anchored by its automotive production.

In using Reonomy data to look at the city’s recent commercial real estate development, however, it appears that the Motor City could finally be laying the groundwork for revival.

The year was 2008…

Detroit’s population was already in decline, and had been for decades. The continuously shrinking base of taxpayers was, on its own, a swelling financial hurdle for the city. Only then, the recession began to run its course.

Over the next few years, revenues continued to decline significantly for Detroit property owners, causing many of them to fall behind on their taxes. In fact, in 2011 alone, nearly half of all property owners in Detroit did not pay their property taxes – a staggering sign of the recession and the real estate market as a whole.

Combine that with the overall borrowing required to cover recession deficits, and the city was left in a hole it couldn’t climb out of. In the years following, things only got worse.

Detroit’s Chapter 9

Five years after the financial crisis, Detroit had found a new low.

On July 18th, 2013, Detroit filed for Chapter 9 bankruptcy. It is still, to this day, easily the largest municipal bankruptcy filing in U.S. history in terms of both debt (roughly $20 billion) and size of population (700,000).

Upon reaching this low point, the city sat there, filled with vacant industrial buildings and housing for an ever-diminishing population, living in infamy of better days. It seemed as if Detroit may forever be looked at only as a city that once was.

Detroit’s post-bankruptcy trends tell a fairly different story, however. In the wake of commercial development in 2013 and on, and as demand continues to rise, there are plenty of reasons for investors to keep Mid and Downtown Detroit in their sights going forward.

This time around… Is it for real?

In the years leading up to the city’s bankruptcy, a revival seemed well-underway. Property sales across major commercial asset types rose sharply, peaking, almost entirely across the board in Q3 of 2012 – exactly a year before the city declared Chapter 9.

Below, see the total number of property sales across Industrial, Multi Family, Office, and Retail properties in Detroit, Michigan from 2003 to 2015:

After the initial dust of the financial crisis settled, investors began steadily re-entering the market in 2009, perhaps in hopes of its rebuild. In 2012, property sales skyrocketed, with 749 total sales across Industrial, Multi Family, Retail, and Office properties, up from 431 the year prior. In Q3 of 2012 alone, there were a total of 264 sales across these asset categories.

In the midst of bankruptcy the following year, however, that growth slowed to a halt, with property sales decreasing by more than 200.

Nevertheless, when looking at post-bankruptcy commercial real estate investment and development in Detroit, the tables look as though they may actually be turning this time around.

While no single area has risen with extreme and defined significance, there has been heavy investment in vacant land, and heavy development across multiple asset types in Detroit’s Midtown, Downtown, and other smaller neighbors.

Buy to Build?

When comparing the property sale trends that followed the recession with the sale trends that followed Detroit’s bankruptcy, there is one glaring difference – investors eating up the city’s vast number of vacant lots.

Vacant land was not a part of the initial post-2008 investment push. This time around, though, vacant land sales absolutely soared.

Following bankruptcy, the city itself drew a larger focus to developing vacant buildings and land, looking at those properties as a resource – even a competitive advantage over other cities.

Sales of many assets, including vacant land, have tapered off a bit in the years since, a potential sign that investors are filling the market and development is actually taking place. The many recent and upcoming projects in Midtown, Downtown, and other neighborhoods of Detroit serve as great examples of this.

Mixed-Use in Midtown

The most recent sizable development to open in Detroit’s Midtown was Little Caesar’s Arena, which now stands as the home of the Detroit Red Wings (NHL) and the Detroit Pistons (NBA), and also serves as a 15,000-22,000 capacity concert venue.

The arena officially opened in September of 2017, and not only serves as an example of Midtown Detroit’s development, but serves as proof of the areas future development, also.

Stadium developments are often followed by an influx of investors, and Midtown Detroit is a perfect example of that. Many residential and retail developments have taken place in and around Midtown, with a number of large projects forthcoming.

Midtown West is a planned mixed-use development project being built upon the Wigle Recreation Center, which sits on over 7 acres of land on the west-side of Midtown. The project will include rental and for-sale residential units, 8,000 square feet of retail space, and an acre of public green space. Phase one of the project is planned to break ground in late-2018.

Brush Park, a Midtown neighborhood sitting just blocks from Little Caesars Arena, is seeing perhaps more development than any other neighborhood in Detroit. It is home to many new and forthcoming residential and mixed-use projects, notably that of City Modern, a residential development currently in the works between Brush St. and John St.

(Source: citymoderndetroit.com)

The idea of City Modern is to merge the, “historic character of Brush Park with contemporary design and modern amenities.” It will be a new experience for visitors that does not take away from the integrity of the historic neighborhood.

Revitalizing Downtown

Downtown Detroit has many of its own mixed-use and residential projects breaking ground, such as the redesign of the long-vacant Free Press Building into a versatile residential building, and Dan Gilbert’s revamp of the city’s Book Tower. Gilbert alone has four major projects in the works in Downtown Detroit, almost single-handedly bringing the neighborhood back to life.

Some of Downtown Detroit’s most notable developments are actually happening along the city’s waterfront, though.

The Detroit Riverfront Conservancy, alongside the city, is turning vacant waterfront warehouses and land into a series of parks, open spaces, greenways, and streetscapes. While plans originally looked to include high-end condos and apartments, it appears that the city’s waterfront revitalization plans have been aimed more towards beaches and parks.

Often times, waterfront development on its own can have a nice effect on an area’s commercial real estate demand. Combine it with redesigned vacant properties and a bevy of new development, and suddenly, Detroit starts to look quite desirable as an investment market. That is without even mentioning the financial accessibility of the market, which over the last two years, had an average sale price per square foot of only 10.26% of the national average.

While it’s hard to ignore the recent history of the city, it’s also hard to ignore the signs of a potential turnaround. It could finally be time for investors to turn their sights to the Motor City.

RSS Feed provided by theBrokerList Blog - Are you on theBrokerList for commercial real estate (cre)? and Detroit’s Next Chapter: From Bankrupt to Building Up was written by Reonomy.

Detroit’s Next Chapter: From Bankrupt to Building Up published first on https://greatlivinghomespage.tumblr.com/

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stories-aha-blog · 6 years ago

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Some of my top fave stories

The Courtesan of Lucknow

Novel by Mirza Hadi Ruswa, 1905.

Life Story of a Woman who gets abducted a child as an act of revenge, and sold to a brothel, where she moves on to become a famous courtesan, due to her outstanding intellect, personality and taste.

Time of the Gypsies

Film by Emir Kusturica, 1988.

Le Dernier Chant des Malaterre

Graphic Novel by Francois Bourgeon.

The Pillow Boy of the Lady Onogoro

Novel by Alice Fell.

Quote from Goodreads:

“This “exquisite, exuberant, X-rated” novel (Mirabella), set in feudal Japan, tells the story of a concubine who hires a stable boy to whisper erotic stories from behind a screen while she entertains her master, a samurai general.”

Even if the basic premise of this book doesn’t really work, I still love it so much that I had to include it here.

Definitely in the soulfood department.

Dangerous Liaisons

Les Liaisons dangereuses is a French epistolary novel by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, first published in four volumes by Durand Neveu from March 23, 1782.

It is the story of the Marquise de Merteuil and the Vicomte de Valmont, two rivals (and ex-lovers) who use seduction as a weapon to socially control and exploit others, all the while enjoying their cruel games and boasting about their manipulative talents. It has been claimed to depict the decadence of the French aristocracy shortly before the French Revolution, thereby exposing the perversions of the so-called Ancien Régime. However, it has also been described as an amoral story.

As an epistolary novel, the book is composed entirely of letters written by the various characters to each other. In particular, the letters between Valmont and the Marquise drive the plot, with those of their victims and other characters serving as contrasting figures to give the story its depth.

The Wire

TV series, 2002 - 2008, on black street gangs in Baltimore, cross cut with some police procedural of the cops pursuing them.

May be about to reach its shelf life for being too famous to need introduction.

Les Valseuses

Quoted from Wikipedia, since I am too lazy to write up my own description:

Going Places is a 1974 French erotic comedy-drama film co-written and directed by Bertrand Blier, and based on his own novel. Its original title is Les Valseuses, which translates into English as "the waltzers"[citation needed], a vulgar French slang term for "the testicles".[2] It stars Miou-Miou, Gérard Depardieu and Patrick Dewaere.

It is widely considered one of the most controversial movies in French cinema history due to its vulgarity, depiction of sexual acts, nudity, and moral ambiguity; however, Blier's later acclaim for the rest of his filmography made it a cult film for modern critics.

Jean-Claude and Pierrot are young men who travel around France, committing petty crimes and running from the law. After they get in trouble with a hairdresser in Valence for stealing his car, they grab his pistol and kidnap his assistant Marie-Ange, an apathetic girl. When they are bored with unorgasmic Marie-Ange, they decide to find a passionate woman and meet Jeanne Pirolle, a woman in her forties who is just released from prison and had spent ten years in a cell. After a threesome, Jeanne commits suicide and the men return to Marie-Ange. They find Jeanne's son Jacques who had been incarcerated as well. Then, the four consider founding a crime family but at their first crime, an attempted robbery, Jacques commits a revenge killing and the others flee. While on the run, they meet a family having a picnic near Col d'Izoard and the delinquent teenage daughter Jacqueline wants to join them. They take Jacqueline and on learning that she is still a virgin, they decide to deflower her. After dropping Jacqueline, the three ride away aimlessly.

Breaking Bad

Too famous to need introduction for the next 10 years or so.

Der Seewolf

One of the classic 4 part adventure series, that would traditionally be broadcast in Germany around Christmas time. First broadcast in 1971, and then literally for decades after that.

Based on a number of different Jack London novels and short stories, that originally had no connection with each other.

Story of a young man from a well off family, who gets shiprecked, and then taken on board by a whaler ship, ruled by a ruthless, self made captain, who refuses to get him to land, and kind of treats him at his whim, sometimes tormenting him, sometimes using him to have conversations with.

Spirited Away

Too famous to need introduction for the next 10 years or so.

Lolita

Too famous to need introduction for the next 100 years or so, but, just in case:

1955 novel by Vladimir Nabokov

Quoted from Wikipedia:

The novel is notable for its controversial subject: the protagonist and unreliable narrator, a middle-aged literature professor under the pseudonym Humbert Humbert is obsessed with a 12-year-old girl, Dolores Haze, with whom he becomes sexually involved after he becomes her stepfather.

Bad Company

Quoted from Wikipedia, since I am too lazy to write up my own description:

″1972 American Western film directed by Robert Benton, who also co-wrote the film with David Newman. It stars Barry Brown and Jeff Bridges as two of a group of young men who flee the draft during the American Civil War to seek their fortune and freedom on the unforgiving American frontier.[1]

This acid western attempts in many ways to demythologize the American West in its portrayal of young men forced by circumstance and drawn by romanticized accounts to forge new lives for themselves on the wrong side of the law. Their initial eagerness to be outlaws soon abates, however, when the boys are confronted with the realities of preying on others in a nation ravaged by war and exploitation.”

Pinocchio

German language children’s tv series, animated in Japan, first broadcast in 1976, and then contiuously broadcast for many years after, due to its huge popularity.

Based on the original Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi, while introducing considerable changes.

For some reason or other, I only ever watched this when I was already in my 20s. Still loved it.

Riget

TV series by Lars von Trier.

Kind of his version of David Lynch’s “Twin Peaks”, if you will.

Set in a hospital, and combining elements of atmospheric eerie / spooky story, comedy, and soap opera.

The Kingdom (Danish title: Riget) is an eight-episode Danish television mini-series, created by Lars von Trier in 1994, and co-directed by Lars von Trier and Morten Arnfred.

The series is set in the neurosurgical ward of Copenhagen's Rigshospitalet, the city and country's main hospital, nicknamed "Riget". "Riget" means "the realm" or "the kingdom", and leads one to think of "dødsriget", the realm of the dead. The show follows a number of characters, both staff and patients, as they encounter bizarre phenomena, both human and supernatural. The show is notable for its wry humor, its muted sepia colour scheme, and the appearance of a chorus of dishwashers with Down Syndrome who discuss in intimate detail the strange occurrences in the hospital.

Cowboy Bebop

Probably too famous to need introduction for the next 10 years or so; but just in case:

1998 Japanese anime television series featuring a production team led by director Shinichirō Watanabe, screenwriter Keiko Nobumoto, character designer Toshihiro Kawamoto, mechanical designer Kimitoshi Yamane, and composer Yoko Kanno. The twenty-six episodes ("sessions") of the series are set in the year 2071, and follow the lives of a bounty hunter crew traveling on their spaceship called Bebop.

Histoire de ma vie

Giacomo Casnova’s Memoirs

Too famous to need introduction for the next 100 years or so.

One of my go to books, when I am seeking distraction. Just arbitrarily opening any of the volumes on any page will almost certainly lead to someting entertaining. Well, most of the time.

Tendres Cousins

Film by David Hamilton

Atmospheric film about those long summer days. The one example that I can think of, where I find the portrait of family life --- well actually more mother and her sister, with the father only visiting once --- enjoyable to watch.

Sort of a “The perfect bourgois childhood” soulfood kind film. (With a fair bit of erotic slapstic thrown in, but oh well.)

Kids

Quoted from Wikipedia:

Kids is a 1995 American independent coming-of-age film written by Harmony Korine and directed by Larry Clark.[4] It stars Chloë Sevigny, Leo Fitzpatrick, Justin Pierce, Rosario Dawson, and Jon Abrahams, all in their film debuts. Kids is centered on a day in the life of a group of teenagers in New York City and their hedonistic behavior towards sex and substance abuse (alcohol and other street drugs) during the height of the AIDS epidemic in the mid-1990s. The film generated a massive controversy upon its release in 1995, and caused much public debate over its artistic merit, even receiving an NC-17 rating from the MPAA

Some of the comic stories by Hagra, here on tumblr;

“dirty little stories”, betwen gopniki, part time petty criminals and rent boys.

especially this one, this one, this one, this one, this one and this one.

___________________

RUNNERS UP

(= just faves, rather than Topfaves)

Shameless (UK), the first 5 seasons

Vikings (2013 tv series)

Rome

2005 tv series

The series primarily chronicles the lives and deeds of the rich, powerful, and historically significant, but also focuses on the lives, fortunes, families, and acquaintances of two common men: Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo, fictionalized versions of a pair of Roman soldiers mentioned in Caesar's Commentarii de Bello Gallico.[1] The fictional Vorenus and Pullo manage to witness and often influence many of the historical events presented in the series, although some license is taken.

The first season depicts Julius Caesar's civil war of 49 BC against the traditionalist conservative faction in the Roman Senate (the Optimates), his rise to dictatorship over Rome, and his fall, spanning the time from the end of his Gallic Wars (52 BC or 701 ab urbe condita) until his assassination on 15 March 44 BC (the infamous Ides of March). Against the backdrop of these cataclysmic events, we also see the early years of the young Octavian, who is destined to become Augustus, the first Emperor of Rome. The second season chronicles the power struggle between Octavian and Mark Antony following Caesar's assassination, spanning the period from Caesar's death in 44 BC to the suicide of Antony and Cleopatra in 30 B.C. after their defeat at the Battle of Actium.

Les Innommables

5 volume graphic novel series by Conrad and Yann

Les Innommables ("The Unnameables") is a Franco-Belgian comic series written by Yann le Pennetier and drawn by Didier Conrad. It began publication in serialized form in 1980 in Spirou magazine and was eventually published in album form by Dargaud.[1]

The series recounts the adventures of three U.S. Army deserters – Mac, Tony and Tim – in 1949, as they trek across Asia and search for Alix, who is Mac's lover and a Chinese communist spy. Les Innommables is characterized by its black humor as well as frequent displays of nudity and violence – which eventually ended the series' run in Spirou.

Les passagers du vent

7 book graphic novel series by Francois Bourgeon

Some of the short stories by Charles Bukowsky

Johnny Mad Dog

2008 French/Liberian war film directed by Jean-Stéphane Sauvaire and based on the novel Johnny Chien Méchant (2002) by the Congolese author Emmanuel Dongala.

The teenage rebel Johnny Mad Dog leads the small group of younger boys commanded by the older General Never Die, who feeds them cocaine.[1] The film follows the group's march towards the capital Monrovia, and follows them in a gritty realistic manner as they move through a series of towns and villages, where they terrify and often execute the population. The soldiers are depicted as almost feral, committing acts of pillage and rape, with scant regard for even their own lives. They wear a variety of outlandish outfits – including butterfly wings and a wedding dress – and have nicknames such as No Good Advice, Captain Dust to Dust, and Chicken Hair.

_____

There are almost certainly quite a few more, that I can’t think of right now. I might update the list, if I should remember a super important one.

(Although there is a limit for how long such a list can be, and still be of use.)

I left out most of the light stuff that I love to watch, and tried to only include stuff that kind of works as inspiration for what I would write about myself.

I enjoy rewatching scenes from The Wire, Rome, The Soparnos and Game of Thrones on youtube, typically many many times over. In the very unlikely case I should ever take part of creating a tv series, it would definitely have to be one that produces scenes that people get addicted to rewatching.

#writing #storytelling

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moviesihaveseenbeforeiamdea-blog · 7 years ago

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#1102 No Country for Old Men

Source

Released: November 9, 2007

Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen

Written by: Joel and Ethan Coen, adapted from Cormac McCarthy’s 2005 novel of the same name.

Starring: Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Kelly Macdonald

Had I Seen it Before? Yes

Very Tangential Bill Murray Anecdote: We have the reputation of Joel Coen to blame for the Bill Murray Garfield movie, as he reportedly only accepted to do the movie because he admired the Coen brothers, and mistakenly assumed the credited Joel Cohen who wrote the script was one of the brothers. He is not. You can read Murray’s telling of the story in a GQ interview here, it’s worth reading in his own words. (Garfield made nearly $30 million more than No Country, in the end.)

The Coen brothers are a beloved influence of mine. Being a white, twentysomething dude, I suppose that the connection is inevitable, but its inevitability should not detract in any way from the Coen brothers as an incredible creative force. Referred to as “the two-headed director,” these guys have been cranking out all-time classics and cult favorites for over thirty years now, and I see no reason why we won’t get another couple movies out of them. Despite the only-decent-to-good reviews for their latest, Hail, Caesar!, these guys’ last five movies before that---No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading, A Serious Man, True Grit, and Inside Llewyn Davis---has been a hot streak for the duo, matching their previous mid-90s to early-2000s success from Fargo through The Man Who Wasn’t There.

Which is why I’m a little miffed that this list has done a hack-job of curating their movies. The exclusion of Blood Simple. is an unforgivable sin, and while I did enjoy True Grit, I’m not sure it was necessary in place of Miller’s Crossing or A Serious Man, both of which accomplish far more than True Grit while emphasizing the directors’ peculiarities.

But, well, I have the list that’s been given to me, and I understand the project at hand. I’m only following orders here. I ought to grapple with the movie I have now, and not the movies I wish I had later.

Kelly Macdonald and Josh Brolin as Carla Jean and Llewellyn Moss (Source)

No Country for Old Men is the Coen brothers’ best movie, even if it’s not my favorite (a three-way tie between Burn After Reading, Inside Llewyn Davis, and The Big Lebowski). There is no element to this movie that is not masterful and tightly controlled. A.O. Scott, in his review for The New York Times, writes:

At their best, and for that matter at their less than best, Joel and Ethan Coen, who share writing and directing credit here, combine virtuosic dexterity with mischievous high spirits, as if they were playing Franz Liszt’s most treacherous compositions on dueling banjos.

He says of No Country for Old Men ”For formalists — those moviegoers sent into raptures by tight editing, nimble camera work and faultless sound design — it’s pure heaven.”

There’s no dying this is an expertly-made movie, even if you’re one of the few who don't enjoy the holistic presentation. What seems strange to me though is how different this feels from a typical Coen brothers movie. Not that it doesn’t feel like one of theirs, but it’s a band apart from their typical output. The Coens have long been accused of beating up on their characters and writing mercilessly ironic plots, but in No Country, it’s all taken a step further into complete despair. The characters within the movie aren’t so much tortured for laughs or their hubris as might be expected. Instead, the brothers build a narrative in which their characters are helpless form the first minute, doomed to the conclusion of the story as a result of the actions taken in the first twenty minutes.

It’s interesting that this movie follows The Ladykillers, often considered the nadir of the brothers’ career. There was a three-year gap between the two, a little on the longer side for the guys, and maybe that time was well spent. It’s always good to take a break from yourself, and it often gives a new license, creatively. I think it’s notable that for this movie the Coens did away with their usual repertoire of actors. Though Josh Brolin would go on to be a staple in future movies, at the time the only actor who had ever appeared in a Coen movie before was Stephen Root, who plays a consequential but minor role in this movie. For a duo that is known for an intensely personal style, there seems to be a deliberate effort to go against the grain with this movie. (Though it should be noted that composer Carter Burwell and cinematographer Roger Deakins were both employed for this movie, as they have been for most of the brothers’ career.)

Javier Bardem in an immaculate performance as Anton Chigurh (Source)

And maybe the Coen brothers took that style of unexpected effort to comment on the movie they made. There’s an inevitability to this movie. I don’t mean that negatively. Everything in the movie seems to agree with me on that point. Even if this were my first time watching it, it’s obvious that nobody is going to get what they want. In the first minutes of the movie an officer claims that he’s in control of a situation and is immediately strangled to death by the man he’s detained. Llewellyn stumbles on a group of dead men who have royally fucked up a drug deal. Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Jones) talks about how he doesn’t want to be a sheriff anymore. Ellis (Barry Corbin) tells a story of a man murdered and dying at night as if it were the only possible outcome to a story of men and guns in Texas.

To me, it seems to be no accident that Llewellyn is murdered by the Mexicans almost immediately following his resolution to pursue and murder Anton. Llewellyn considers himself to be a dumb man, but he is introduced to us hunting and tracking in the Texas plains. He seems competent and collected, and as he is pursued he uses his knowledge of his prey to guide his own way through survival. When the threat is unknown and mostly unseen, Llewellyn navigates it expertly, moving with the endless paranoia of someone pursued. The man is so thorough and capable of zooming in-and-out of the potential hazards that will come to a man holding two million stolen dollars that you’d think he was bracing to fight God Himself. And maybe he is.

But the minute Llewellyn decides he is only fighting a man, he loses sight of that animal instinct to survive at all costs and tries to pursue something that can’t be pursued. The Mexicans, Anton, Welles, whoever it was, they weren’t going to stop looking for that money, no matter what Llewellyn accomplished, and it’s his certainty that he is in control that kills him. As Ellis says to Ed Tom Bell at the end “You can’t stop what’s coming. Ain’t waiting on you.” To Ellis, the idea that it might wait on you, whatever it is, is “vanity.”

Llewellyn is killed by his hubris. Ed Tom Bell forces himself into retirement because he realizes he is incapable of comprehending the world around him and can’t bring himself to try anymore. Anton accomplishes everything he set out to do and is immediately smashed to pieces in a freak car accident. All these men struggle against their circumstances to scrape out a place for themselves in the shade, however they would define it, and are met with a violent, indifferent world that has no time for their ambitions. I can’t remember who it was---I believe Ed Tom---who says there’s no point in trying to go after what you’ve lost, it’s no longer yours---and you lose more trying to get it back. For all of these men, it’s a point beaten into them until they are forced to accept it.

Tommy Lee Jones as Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Source)

That’s all I’ve got. This is one of the movies that has stuck with me over the years, and I’ll probably see it quite a few more times before I’m dead. The Coen brothers are one of my favorite creative forces still working today, and I think this movie is the peak of their technical abilities. It’s as close a movie can be to being perfect in its execution, and watching it you can’t help but be sucked into its world. It may be relentlessly violent, but it’s not without a point, and it’s never pornographic in its depiction of that violence. Everything in this movie serves a purpose. If you haven’t seen it, it’s truly one of the movies that live up to the “essential” descriptor the list gives it.

FInal thoughts:

IMDb’s trivia page informs me that this is the Coen brothers’ longest movie at two hours and two minutes. It’s funny, I never noticed that their movies are so succinct. Two hours is not an abnormally long runtime to have as your maximum, but it’s worked for these guys to tell their stories briskly. The Coen brothers are dedicated editors, on top of their many other talents.

It’s also notable that the three main characters share exactly zero screen time with each other. The two closest instances I can recall are the hotel encounter between Anton and Moss, which never features them in the same shot together, and Ed Tom Bell approaching a different hotel later where Llewellyn’s body is, but, again, the two never appear in the same shot.

Also notable is that Anton and Llewellyn do not encounter each other until nearly exactly halfway through the movie.

One omission from the book (at least from what I recall) is Anton’s ultimate motive, which is to recover the money for a buyer. Anton doesn’t seem to have this motivation in the movie, and for the most part, he doesn’t need one. He’s presented as a force of nature, even if the movie---and Anton himself---don’t seem to believe ultimately believe in this presentation.

The dead man originally holding the money is kept in the frame as Llewellyn first picks it up and looks at it. The Coen brothers are masterful directors.

Llewellyn really should have bought a backpack to hold that money instead of lugging that big-ass case around with him everywhere.

Anton’s disgust with blood isn’t only ironic, but probably the biggest indication that he’s mortal, just a man. I don’t remember Anton being uncomfortable with blood in that book, so hats off to Joel, Ethan, and Javier if that was their interpretation of the character.

I didn’t talk about it above, but Woody Harrelson does an excellent job in his role as Carson Welles. He talks a big game and struts his stuff like he knows what he’s up against, but his scene in the hotel room with Anton is uncomfortable and sad. It is so obvious he recognizes what’s coming and doesn’t want to accept. He squirms and looks for a way out and comes close to panic, but it doesn’t matter. Anton murders him all the same.

I also noticed that the scene in which Carson offers Llewellyn a way out is immediately followed by the scene in which Ed Tom Bell offers Carla Jean a similar offer. Both these men extend an offer they can’t follow through on. No one seems to understand how out of control the situation is until it’s too late.

In a movie that could have been relentlessly grim, Tommy Lee Jones gets off a few good one-liners, and I loved his story about the couple running the bed and breakfast who murdered their guests. Remarking on how they tortured their victims, he figures it must’ve been because the TV was broken.

Anton is able to accomplish so much because he is willing to veer off the script everyone else operates by and assumes everyone else will operate by too. The gas station attendant’s small talk, killing the two men at the site of the drug deal after they hand him a flashlight because he asked, stealing multiple cars from people who stopped on his authority (be it as a stranded man on the road or because he was driving a police cruiser), all of it points to a man who accomplishes so much because he cares so little.

#movies #no country for old men #coen brother #josh brolin #tommy lee jones #javier bardem

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