#CRYING SCREAMING WHY CANT I GO
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#yoo taeyang#sf9#CRYING SCREAMING WHY CANT I GO#WHY WHY#but he looks so good here#and on the 8th too. i would have thought it would be late June
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I heard some spoilers… from the last stageplay… I am very unwell….
#ASAGIRI LIKE STOP HURTING HIM FOR ONE ARC CHALLENGE FAILED#I CANT WITH THIS I HATE IT HERE WHY DO I EVEN GO HERE#MORI LET HIM GO JUST LET HIM GO PLSSSS#THE ANGST IN ME WANTED A CHUUYA CRY SCENE TO TO THINK WE WILL GET IT CANON IN THIS WAY IS SO#IM DEAD IM UNWELL IM SCREAMING BITING THE GROUND RN#bsd#bsd chuuya#bsd stageplay
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screaming
#pinterest is attacking me#the search luke hemmings necklace provided me with some amazing photos#i wanna scream like what the fuck was this look luke???#he looks so goddamn gorgeous#i wanna cry#my tags are also going through it#i'm not one to cry over a man but this just might be it cause why is he soooo pretty??#i've been staring at this set of photos for the past 30 minutes i cant believe it#luke hemmings#5sos#maybe i need to sleep anyways if anyone read this goodnight <3#e*
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WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RECOMMENDING MED PPL TO GO INTO RADIOLOGY JUST CUS IF THE MONEY, IM GONNA FUCKING gET YOU
#first i had ai dictacting schedules and now the radiologists just thought there was a AHHGGRHHH#YES. YES U CAN MAKE MONEY GOING INTO RADIOLOGY. BUT DO NO T. JU ST. GO INTO IT. for the MONEY#MEDICINE IS FKING PAIN BCS BUSINESS IS A PAIN & PPL ARE IN PAIN & PPL ARE A PAIN#like it is Very. ppl orientated it's FKING MEDICINE and even if ure a vet or whatever theres obvs usually humans attached fo animals#so like u might not always be dealing with the ppl but ur coworkers who are also being directly accounting#for the ppl SURE AS HELL DO#like yea ppl die all the time but ure telling me u dont gaf when u couldve done something to stop a LIFE#a HUMAN LIFE that was DEPENDING ON U just doing a like tiny action in the grand scheme of ur things#but ends up a major life changer to them even if they dont always have the knowledge to recognize it#and u let them die bcs of the money#i cant fcking STANDDDDDD IT ohmy GAWD.#also like radiology is not all that hunky dory like radiactive is part of the fking name like#UGHHHH LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO BE SCOLDING MY PTS WHY TF AM I SCOLDING MFS FOR MY PTS#anyways yea tho totally just join medicine for the money it's tofally not a massive damage to u n society#but also . fuck society for making ppl feel like they only have this choice or it's starvation bcs thats also so fking real fuc that#but bro at least try not to fuck ppl over once u gain a position just bcs u happened to be in a bad mood today like#medicine is Literally. horror. it's not that 'i watch pimple popping videos haha i can handle it' horror . it's literally.#the horror of treating humans like humans while never allowed to be one urself kind of horror#it's watching a little girl crying and a big bulky father weeping like a small child bcs his wife died#&then u step out the room and a pt throws his poop at u bcs he keeps lying to u abt not having any alcohol &wants to go home but has no ride#wants a million opiods and has been absolutely wailing at ur staff and if he leaves ama it docks u so now u gotta#peruse a bunch of legal documents to try and figure out a loophole on how to get him outta here while also dealing with 60 other pts#on the brink of death or intensely septic and the whole time ure trying to save them u got bitches screaming in ur ear abt the#north carolina fluid shortage like btch fuck that im giving this kid the shit they need to survive fuck off#especially funny bcs theres fluids available but we refuse to buy them bcs theyre for a higher price than our og supplier like ok#anyways#love my life
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i regret to inform y'all that during the divorce from hell i think ravenstan wrote a song called f(o)r(ver) and it was bRUUUTAL
#nina speaks#i am sorry i am obsessed with the parenthesis thing#idk why i did that but i think its kind of neato#anyways fucking horrible#but Nina u might cry and scream#You Undivorced Them!#like damn thats crazy#u thought u were free that is so funny my love#or in jks case my l-- my...my lo-...my l-lo#get it#bc he cant say it#Anyways!#hows ur day#is it ruined#nina stop writing songs#and write a damn ask meme or oneshot u fkn idiot#also this doesnt even matter#but i get a weird jerseykyle really likes fleetwood mac vibe#so cd covers a lot of them also bc stevie nicks is an icon#and i think ravenstans voice would sound beautiful#also x 2 bc ull never get away from the sound of a person that loves u is fucking brutal as hell and jk would khs#raven red hair divorce era is so powerful hes so frightening holy shit i hate him i love him like go off but have Mercy
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something you need to know abt me is that im extremely scared of artificial voices (think siri, alexa, any voice on gps thingies while driving) and no one believed me when the alexa changed voices one night, even tho i froze in place and all the hairs in my body stand up...
anyway, i'm also terrified of blonde and not really human faces... like that mix specifically (think "i feel fantastic" lady android, max headroom and the first mask of "possibly in michigan")
just felt like sharing <3
#the parasite talks#idk where these fears come from honestly#i've tried watching the max headroom series but i cant#i cant go past the intro without feeling physically ill#i've been able to watch possibly in michigan and is my favorite video and song ever#but the other two i cant at all#i also scream an cry when there's a picture of a being looking directly “at you” but im guessing that's normal if the intent was to scare#i also imagine beings looking at me through the windows and dark screens and generally the dark but i know thats my crazy mind#that's why i have my windows taped vampire style like the wwdits house#and when i was little i would stare at my toys for a long while in case they would move or blink#i still think they do that but i have made peace with it#specially because i had 2 toys that actually moved and talked without me touching them i guess that made something in my brain go wrong#but they were mostly batteries corroding#although one was alive for almost 20 years with the same batteries#sometimes i worry what will happen when i live alone...
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IM PISSED AS HELL
#Art#my art#I was messing around and the colors turned out like#Okay for once#But I didn’t do it intentionally and I’m stubborn asf so I’m like#I FEEL LIKE IM CHEATING#IM GOING INSANE#DOES THIS COUNT AS PROGRESS OR IS KT BEGINNERS LUCK#Artists of tumblr#artists on tumblr#I use the lasso tool most of the time and I don’t know WHY it looks so much better than my brushes#But the thing is I WANT to be good at using brushes#I CANT TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT#MY HONOR IS AT STAKE#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH#It’s not FAIIIRRRRR#sobbing crying screaming
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why why why why why why why why why why why why why
#i have ZERO means of paying off this daily growing electric bill. if i dont theyre going to shut it off on the 4th. its still over 100°f.#and after tomorrow im going to be charged DAILY rent for being here past the 1st#and my grandmother who was supposed to bring materials to pack and help me get this shit organized just straight didnt show up#TWO DAYS IN A ROW LOL#''im just tired and stressed :('' YEA BITCH ME TOO I NO MONEY AND NO WHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UR DOG FECES INFESTED MODULAR#I NEED HELP PLEASE LOL#i promised not to hurt myself but you also promised to help and have flaked like 4 times in less than 2 weeks SO#MAYBE KEEP UR END OF THE DEAL HERE BEFORE I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE HA HA#IM HAVING A ENDLESS PANIC ATTACK AND I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS ABANDONING ME 👍👍#MY MOM SAID SHE LOVED ME BUT THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME TO THIS??? I CANT DO ANY OF THIS ALONE MUCH LESS EVERYTHING#I NEED HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP PLEASE#SS ISNT GOING TO JUST GIVE ME HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS BY TOMORROW NO MATTER WHO I TALK TO OR HOW MANY CALLS I MAKE#ALL I CAN DO IS SCREAM IN THE TAGS OF THIS STUPID BLOGGING SITE AND CRY
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There is no way my mom just told me she didn't wake me up this morning because I was taking too long to wake up on my own...
#yapping#ripping out my hair and screaming i woke up at 10am and you were already asleep and now youre using ME not being awake as an excuse to avoid#taking me to Greenville so we can get the shit that you promised me we'd get on friday then you moved that to sunday then you moved it to#today and now you're moving it to fuck knows when. and you wonder why I'm so behind on getting the stuff i need its because you dont let me#even have the opportunity to get anything any sooner than your own pace#“you dont have a bank account yet??” I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU FOR MONTHS and youve been delaying every chance you get and now i have to ask Doug#because you just basically refuse to at this point#its not even that its stuff i need its anything else too#you promised me when i was FOURTEEN that i could dye my hair and you havent even tried to keep that promise and now you said youd take me to#go buy some and i could do it myself and you've been avoiding it for the past month#we havent even gone for our stupid birthday dinner that we so every year since our birthdays are only 2 weeks apart. and that was MARCH.#it took 2 months for me to even convince you to take me to Walmart for fucking pencils and a clear backpack for school and you did that a#few days before school started because you didn't want to look like a bad mother to random strangers who dont even know you or care#but when it comes to me youll just cry and say “i dont want you to think im a bad mother” but wont do anything to actually show that#and that works btw. im too busy feeling bad for you that i cant even consider thinking any bad of you because that'd mean that i was hurting#you more than my existence already does
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they made me regress back to a 9yo
#me soup#im so sensitive when u take me away from literally all my comforts#everything sucks 😞 im crying like an actual little child and nothing is fixing it#i cant do this anymore this heat is literally murdering me and all my spirit#i have nothing left to give im emptied out#too much change too much new things and they also wanted m to take my damn new shoes ugh shut up 😭#FOUR MOUR WEEKS FUCKKKK I MISS MY FRIENDS I CANT DO THIS#now i remember why i was miserable every single year we went its like the worst aprts of all my life mixed in together#ugh and i could pretend so good for JUST like . two days. time feels like its expanding infinitely . im dyingggggfgg.#if i go to hell this is what ill have to go through forever i think#hashtag family vacation hashtag north african traditions hashtag beach hashtag love live scream
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completely unexpected for the car to be a total loss because it was still able to be driven after the accident. now i have to figure out how to get a new car with no actual job and credit that is in the drain
#im begging life to be ok... things were finally Going to be okay then this happened#i cant be angry at myself or the past I just have to keep koving#moving...#i couldn't afford that car and paying it was a monthly struggle. the payment was like $600#it was way too nice of a car for our budget#Thats why this sucks so bad. i totaled a car that wasnt even 5 years old yet#shaking and screaming and crying this is just worst case scenario
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Mentally ill boy whines again. Solution: Get Out Of There
#im fucking TRYING too as well and it's just constant fucking roadblocks or my body screaming to self sabotage and quit and kill ourselves an#d ruin our body and flay ourselves and repent and beg for forgiveness for being a body of sin like. GOD. I'm so tired of it!!!!! and i can'#even stop it because i csnt change my innner voice or the weird neurotic way kf thinking bc my brain goes '#'its keeping us safe! safe! safesafesafe!' bc of Oh Boohoo you got '''''neglected'''' as a child and had your needs not met' well mommy and#daddy sajd they loved you grow up. you got 'locked in your room' and had your apologies ignored ok well youre making a BIG deal about this#top crying boohoo you got bullied. you and everyone else#and then when I go well no they way i got treated was fucked. growing up poor fucked us up. you can still be loved and raised unstably and#uffer bc of it it becomes a fucking game to my brain to list every single way we Had It Better and therefore cant be suffering and its like#do you fucking hear what youre saying!!!! amd then!!!!!! i go through this fucking ten times a day and wonder why i struggle with feeling l#like a human being#and this doesnt even touch the whole mature for your age becoming kind of a therapist to your parent and hearing their issues and adults off#loadinf onto you and like. man. no fucking wonder i struggle so much with interpersonal relationships om top of everything else i dont have#a personality until I know what the person needs from me!!!!!!
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I beg the Gods for mercy and am given greater suffering instead. My faith does not waver. I know I am seen. My pain would not be so unbearable if They ignored me. I beg Them to just take me away already so this body stops aching and I no longer feel anything. They leave me here for a lifetime of pain and agony that only worsens with each day. I can do nothing. My silence to the Gods would be better, but I feel like swearing to the Nine Realms and their inhabitants until someone, anyone, comes to help. But I doubt with every passing day that I will ever receive any...
#i lost my insurance and am having the absolute worse lupus flare in my entire life and i cant see a doctor about it#i have never hurt so bad in all my entire life and i am screaming and crying literally like im dying#mun is a viking#not vikings#the insurance company btw doesnt give a fuck that my mother calls them several times daily for weeks on end#they dont care she is on the phone for hours every time and that she sends in paperwork emails faxes etc constantly#its never the right person who receives these things and there is no fucking right person its just that nobody fucking wants to do shit#id go to the hospital but the last thing my family needs is more hospital bills#we already have to pay for my mothers bills for being in and out over the last 3 months straight#plus the likely uninsured helicopter ride that saved her life and will cost more than the 40 days of stay she spent there#i cant take this i hate this i hate being alive like this why do i have to feel so much agony
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i love being such a subhuman freak i scare my mom so bad she nearly throws up
#cicadas vent tag#hi.#just had a level 4 catastrophic meltdown it was GREAT#(it was not)#my mom was just telling me all the things i tell myself about like. loneliness and friends and shit#yall know the michi lore i wont rehash it#and i got really pissed and we screamed at each other#it got so bad i ended up telling her about my suicidal ideation#and she said i was ungrateful and should go in a psych ward so like. if i disappear u know why now i guess#i als grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her which i know i shouldnt have done because she IS a good mom#but idk#i just couldnt help myself#maybe i am just like the cicaderations... nothing but a wild animal#man#ugh#and i cant even have proper suicidal ideation about it because that's part of the problem#part of why im an ungrateful ingrate#and she eneded up crying in my arms about how much i scared her which#yeah didnt impact me at all thanks mom#do love hr tho#idk#god i wish i was better#OH AND IT WAS IN PUBLIC TO#AT THE POOL I WORK AT#im speedrunning getting fired bro#and im probably never gonna get better either..... hashtag lol#ill stay lonely and friendless forever probably#FUCK!!!!!
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#biting kicking screaming#i don't think this is adhd anymore i think something must be genuinely wrong#bc im basically having panic attacks when i try to write.#like no amount of 'just do it!' works i end up freaking out and crying#i feel so frustrated. at everythingm#i hate feeling so angry all the time#angry is bad it makes people hate me i cant be angry but i feel ao fucking angry#i just want to function again. i had a good rhythm going back in 2020 what fucking happened#i hate this i hate me why cant i just fucking work right#vent
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..
#screaming crying throwing up in my pillow#the trojans did not kill cassandra why would she say tha 😭😭😭#this is blatant misinformation on the internet#im having a literal breakdown over a fuck ass song whats wrong with me#you cant just go around and say things like that#no the trojans didnt beleive her but thats because apollo curse her#and the 'people' who didnt beleive her#were the trojans#the Mycanae people belived her just fine#and it was Clytemnestra#wife of agamemnon who killed her#she was NOT a trojan#plss dont spread misinformation about the ladies of troy I would literally cry#im literally crying cassandra was my baby u don't get to have her 😭😭
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