#But thats also how you know im also mentally ill
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Thats a good point, I see all kinds of neurodivergence in my family but only a couple of us in my generation, afaik, have a diagnosis.
However, my gp attended a recent talk about overlap of queer folk with neurodivergence and also a group of comorbid illnesses including, iirc, POTS/MCAS/EDS/CFS theres a couple others Im just blanking. Digestive issues? Things that we've broadly noticed as a community, and it seems like its starting to be studied.
And also, everyone has some kind of trauma, idk how many people if any have no kind of disability whatsoever, humanity is vast and diverse. And we're wired to look for patterns. Interpret this information how you will, I certainly cant say for sure if these patterns are broader than trans people, or are more people trans than we expect, are we seeing correlation or causation or is there a mechanism in common with all these labels thats the deeper cause, is queerness an interchangeable/'sometimes' factor or a central one, we are way too early to know that yet.
I think its probably not nothing. But we're also not uniquely fucked up. Maybe we're just sticking out, so to speak, so thats where the research is starting. Many people werent taking ME/CFS seriously until long covid prompted more research bc, iirc, there was now a lot more people affected who were harder to ignore. And who were seeking help. Like a lot of people have an allergy or a dodgy wrist or "that weird thing with my digestion" and they dont consider it a disability or seek treatment, yknow? And especially mental health and especially what runs in families, it looks normal to you so why would you ever bring it up to a dr? "Everyone struggles with these things. Everyone feels this way" well you do and your parents and aunts and uncles do and your siblings do, and maybe you told a dr forty years ago you were in pain and they brushed you off so you thought everyone was walking around in agony.
And that gets into an adjacent conversation about medicalising and diagnosing and when does that help and when is it like, making a negative thing of normal human experiences and variations, its not a disorder till its negatively impacting your life, if youre surviving but treatment could help you thrive is it worth the side effects etc etc plus the whole discussion of psychiatry in particular which can be an amount of guesswork and diagnostic labels are often just patterns of symptoms that we see oftrn go together and we dont always yet understand the underlying neurology. (One of my all time best therapists kept up with the latest neuroscience and always had very good and effective suggestions. I only stopped seeing her bc I moved away. If you can be seeing professionals who are keeping up with research, definitely prefer them over someone who hasnt learned anything since they completed training 50 years ago. Always.)
Tl;dr I agree with OP and also this stuff is extremely complex and we're always learning new things about us!
something that should be taken with a grain of salt are the statistics talking about the high rates of mental illness + neurodivergence among trans people (ocd, bpd, adhd, autism, etc)
I see both sides of the political spectrum taking these studies at face value - conservatives say we're broken, and trans people try to come up with reasons why for example autism + gender dysphoria makes sense and why one of them feeds into another
at the end of the day you have to remember that we're the one category of people on this planet who are legally required to go see a psychiatrist in order to receive non-psychiatric medication and surgeries.
more trans people are in therapy by law than any other demographic of people, and as a result, this captures more comorbidities.
if I had to look at my own family & rates of mental illness?
mom, dad, 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, sister, sibling, and me all have OCD.
7/9 of them are cishet, never been to therapy, never diagnosed. 2/9 are trans, required therapy for hormone treatment, and were diagnosed.
you don't have to do any math to just see that the resulting statistics end up intensely skewed.
and we can think back to how autism was virtually never diagnosed more than 50 years ago - ruling out any grandparents being included in statistics - and even my parents' generation (they're in their 60s now) wouldn't have been included either.
I don't think it's to anyone's benefit to accept these studies uncritically. a lot of these things are hereditary and far more prevalent in the overall population than people realize
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Thinking about fiyero from the movie (not sorry, this will keep happening)
Like im genuinely not kidding when i say that Jonathan bailey absolutely kicked this role out of the park. And its really interesting to me because fiyero was always implied to be someone dealing with depression but i don't think ive ever seen it delivered and interpreted this well. This man is absolutely terrified of letting himself feel his feelings without the sugar coating of partying and being wanted for being fun and sexy. Which actually really ties in to my interpretation that his feelings for elphie here are 100% platonic. Have you seen this mans face before im not that girl? During the "i was thinking" scene? That is not a guy in love, thats a guy absolutely terrified of the concept of emotional honesty. Elphaba made him confront his real feelings for the first time in years and basically launched into his very slow and tedious process of healing. He is a MESS. This bitch isnt in love, hes looking into potential therapists for the first time in years and being forced to acknowledge just how bad hes truly doing. Like, "thinking" making him such a mess? He is absolutely not thinking about being with elphaba lmao. which actually makes the end of act 1 sadder bc knowing the rest of the story and that he goes back to comp het and repressing his mental health issues right after elphaba is gone is really fucking sad and continues the theme of elphaba positively impacting characters in a way that their character development regresses when shes gone.
Anyway on a different note i absolutely love his and glindas relationship. They are both such cold hearted manipulative bitches, and they love each other for it. Fiyero literally just looked at her being manipulative as shit and went "yeah i gotta have a beard relationship with her". They understand each other and how the other acts and why and whats their tactics and its fantastic. I also love that he never had any problem with glinda and elphaba being the most important person to the other instead of it being him, in the way that hes literally never jealous of them and is just like "yeah girls go get some ill be here to gossip about the other when youre done". He definitely knew that glinda is a lesbian wayyyy before glinda knew.
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good day fellow rodger fan, i rlly love your art it gives me whimsy and joy. do you have any headcanons ab him and glisten, perhaps toodles as well? (family dynamics my beloved actually) if not either way i think your stuff is still so rad.
AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!! <333 WEEPS TEARS OF JOY.... i do have some headcanons hehehe... in no particular order/organization heres some of my thoughts on them:
- Rodger is a sleepwalker. Very Embarrassed by it.
- Toodles really enjoys drawing !!! She likes to draw with the other toons a lot (especially glisten, but he usually just watches her and then treats her art like the mona lisa so she feels good about herself)
- rodgers reaction to any sort of physical affection is really funny because he doesnt know how to react. He wants to keep his awesome and mysterious persona but also he doesnt want to be rude or anything. does he reciprocate? does he try to get away before it happens??? does he say something or does he keep quiet? Usually it just results in him freezing up and going stiff
- also adding onto above he tends to be paranoid about peoples intentions. bro gets a hug from goob and freezes and hes thinking "is this an attempt to console me does he think im mentally unwell or is he trying to find my weaknesses so he can kill me"
- in general rodger can be a very paranoid person and starts panicking at the slightest threat but hes pretty good at stopping to think and clearing his head. Logically he knows goob wouldnt kill him and doesnt know his secrets but it is a thought that pops up in his head for a brief moment
- toodles is always very quick to jump in and try to help whenever someone is upset. She wants to help people as best she can so ofc she would but the problem is that shes never sure what to say to cheer people up :'] she tries parroting some of the things rodger has told her when she was sad but also from her experience it never works so she tries to distract people instead most of the time. it makes her feel really guilty whenever she doenst try to help or if she fails to make them feel any better
- Toodles is very close with teagan!! teagan is like her fun uncle :] they take care of toodles sometimes if rodger is busy (or cough missing). Tea parties galore!!!!
- glisten is romo-repulsed i know this in my heart ok. [i know ive drawn him doing romantic things i cant explain the nuances to this in a cohesive way im just projecting ontohim as a romo repulsed person in a relationship]
- Glisten is definitely introverted but not in the "ohh hes shy and hates people" way hes just drained when he talks to people even if he likes talking to people. He needs to take breaks from socializing a lot to recharge his social battery especially since hes always so worried about what people think of him but he also dies if hes alone too long
- toodles is actually VERY fascinated with bugs if theres an ant or a beetle or a roach or something in the facility shes gonna beg to keep it and make a house for it so she can "give it a better life" (glisten will not scream or freak out but there WILL be visible discomfort on his face and he will avoid that bug like the plague)
- rodger smokes cigarettes . He knows which employee(s) carry them around and will snatch one from their pocket at the right moment when nobody is looking... he tries covering his tracks and flushing everything down the toilet and covering up the smell but ofc he gets found out when theres a clog LOL.
- There was also suspicion when toodles started pretend-smoking and saying she was doing the thing that rodger did but most everyone else just assumed it was toodles being a silly little kid
okie dokieee thats all ill do for now !!! Thank you so much for this ask GAUH im so happy people are interested in my hcs for them n stuff 🥹
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i was thinking cause as a stereotypical pisces im kind of delusional and start making up scenarios in my head of people i like coming to my job and we just bump into each other and its like omg.. i literally want to be the meme where i go to grab the peaches at the same time as a person i admire and omg its you
#yes this is about michael mando.. oh he’s 100 percent gonna show up to a target in georgia out of fuckingnowhere sure#a boy can dream cant he.. thats how i cope with working here#But thats also how you know im also mentally ill#BUT I KNOW IT WONT HAPPEN IT WONT SO I DONT GET MY HOPES UP#tp#ramblings#dont mind me im just kind of obssessed with him rn 😭😭#i also would do ot with loona too i would be like when they come i hope they come to my store.. yeah never happened
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1. Rick for sure, I like everyone in the family tho ! My favorite specific Rick's are Toxic(because he's awful and very very short sighted, idk i just think he's interesting in a sopping wet pathetic way.) and Flesh Curtains era(because let's be real how am I going to look at a 30 something grungey drunk and not be obsessed. thats like, some of my favorite people irl.)
2. I don't think it matters! Probably space beth, but eh 🤷♀️
3. No not canonically. I think it'd be really fun tho and I like all the theories. Ricks do mess around tho, hes a horndog and the citadel exists, a huge conglomeration of Him, i think it happens more often then it seems to.
4. Tilda. I will not elaborate.
5. Errh idk! A lot i guess. Theyve said before they want the like, classic adult cartoon run time(think futurama, family guy, simpsons), so as many seasons as humanly possible if the writers get their way. I think they step on their own toes a little since they seem to toggle between wanting to be an episodic sitcom, but ALSO a serial scifi thriller. I dont think theyve done badly in that regard so far, but theres absolutely aspects of both that are suffering because of the other's presence.(plot inconsistencies n that kinda thing.)
6. Smash, it would be a bad decision for both of us, but itd be fun !
7. Does the galactic federation count? Probably not since its an organization, but for sure that one. Super interesting stuff u can do with space bureaucracy(bc im boring) and state-sponsored violence. But as for an individual, I really really like Beths mytholog, that whole concept is really cool, and her design is hella badass lol. Also i guess Toxic Rick is a villain too !
8. oof I've tried to figure this out and i dont think i can narrow it down, but i really like Rattlestar Ricklactica, Vat of Acid, and a Rickle in Time.
9. uhh idk the one with the giant incest baby? I didn't enjoy Story Train either tbh. I don't think any of the episodes are like, unwatchably bad, but theres absolutely a few I skip when i rewatch the show.
10. I don't care about story lord like, at all. hes just. deeply uninteresting. Not a huge fan of Mr. Poopybutthole, but i think i just thought we were reminded of him too often.(i liked the intervention episode well enough tho)
11. Oh man this is hard to answer cuz hes just done So Much. Like, guys a shithead. The reckless disregard for innocent bystanders is pretty bad. I think it sucks when he orchestrates situations in which morty has to lethally defend himself, and then totally disregards his feelings(which is literally all the time lmfao). like, the kids 14. His casual manipulation of Beth is super fucked, cuz he knows how much he means to her and he exploits that. yeah idk, guys just a pos all around lol
12. Dated question, luckily no! I think the new voice actors are great :3
13. All the rnm blogs i follow are badass as hell. idk how to pick ill prob edit this l8r
14. Can I say rick without sounding like a total loser. mentally ill, substance abuse issues, ruled entirely by emotions, hedonistic while paradoxically engaging in self-harm/hatred. nihilistic(silly flavor). freaked out by commitment/attachment. the party friend(as opposed to someone you invite for brunch or to meet ur parents). also science is cool.
15. the entire "...couldn't let a dead snake be dead even after it bit his ankle, next time stay in the fucking car!" monologue. and the "a vat of fake acid are you Dying of Dementia?!" fight.
16. i havent finished my brackets yet ill get back to you.
17. same as above.
18. man idk probably. i dont actually watch it in a way that supports them(financially) anyway, but that would suck balls cuz its a fixation of mine.
19. done to death probably but mortys "come watch tv?" quote is my fave. it reads to me as incredibly reassuring. optimistic nihilism. like, "nothing means anything, nothings a big deal, lets chill and enjoy it while we can." ya know? like dying is the same as before you were born, and Everyones gonna do it, but we're here together right now, so lets eat pasta and get a little drunk.
20. i know hes doing his own thing but can i be snowball. hes cool and empathetic and capable of growth, also i wanna see how the dog utopia is going.
20 SHORT-ANSWER* RICK AND MORTY QUESTIONS FOR YOU:
*You can write long answers, if you'd like! Feel free to skip questions, too!
Who is your favourite Rick and Morty Character?
Which Beth is the clone: Domestic Beth or Space Beth?
Do you think that Rick-C137 and Rick Prime were previously romantically involved?
What do you think would be a good name for Birdperson and Tammy's daughter?
How many seasons do you think Rick and Morty will eventually have?
Rick C-137: smash or pass?
Who is your favourite Rick and Morty villain?
Your favourite Rick and Morty episode?
Your least favourite Rick and Morty episode?
Who is your least favourite Rick and Morty character?
What is, in your opinion, the worst thing that Rick C-137 has ever done?
Do you think that Rick and Morty will be affected substantially by having to change the voice actor for Rick and Morty and a bunch of other characters?
What's a good Rick and Morty blog?
Who is the Rick and Morty character that you relate to the most?
The funniest Rick and Morty bit/scene, in your opinion?
Best Rick and Morty season?
Worst Rick and Morty season?
Would you stop watching the show if Justin Roiland returned?
Your favourite Rick and Morty quote?
If you had to be one member of the smith family in the next season, who would you want to be?
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Happy Passenger Release Day Anniversary !!!
#GOD this is such a simple edit when i remember how to make it lol but here it is my gift to the movie thats giving me mental illness#the passenger edit#the passenger 2023#the passenger#randy bradley#benson#kyle gallner#johnny berchtold#passengeredit#if its not synced blam tumblr okay you also i think can like scroll up and down and itll work#i cant tell if its too fast but this is just like my old one and that one was fine i think#also im a day late i know shhhh
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Hey, I was wondering why you think Roxy was destined to end up with Eridan? I get the shared wizard interest and the quirk foreshadowing I guess, but that still seems like a large stretch. It's kinda like saying that Equius and Dirk are going to end up together because they both like robots and horses. It's just seems like the sort of character remixing that Hussie uses a lot in Homestuck. But what do you think?
Roxy
- fucking LOVES WIZARDS
- is a hipster and literally wears a colorswapped version of eridans scarf
- is pink and bubbly
- uses riflekind
- has a perfectly opposite powerset to eridan (can create anything by stealing its void away vs. can destroy anything with pure belief) and are connected to each other through the matriorb
- has a crush on a troubled, eccentric prince so you know that's her type
- quirk cameo with momlonde
Eridan
- Is a wizard
- Is a hipster and literally wears a colorswapped version of roxy's scarf
- Uses riflekind
- Had a huge crush on Feferi, a bubbly pink girl whom he (wrongly) believed to be so nice she might not even be capable of pitch, so we know that's his type
- The equal and opposite powerset & quirk cameo
At the end of the day I can't tell you what to ship, nor am I interested in making anyone ship anything, but I'm kind of just saying, the things that make Roxy predisposed to liking Eridan are, like, the biggest parts of her character, and Eridan is very easy & would pretty much say yes to anybody, but Roxy is also definitely His Type and Eridan is a simp who thrives under any sort of positive attention & would do anything someone asked if they were giving him positive feedback. or attention at all. case in point kanaya fucking hates him but at least she talks to him and he's constantly praising the shit out of her
Jane and Jake also have their introductions IMMEDIATELY followed by talking about how they've got a thing for "cobalt" hunks and "cerulean babes" respectively, so setting up roxy with eridan also fits into a pattern of the b2 kids being set up to date a dead troll. still rereading this part of the comic, but it really jumped out to me how blatant it was for jake and jane
#ship what you want to ship idc but#imo the foreshadowing is pretty blatant#which also fits with eridan because pale erikar was one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the comic#and imo pitch calliope/eridan was also in the cards though less blatantly#calliope has 'biologically compelled to spades guys that remind her of her brother“ disease (moment of silence)#and eridan has literally been described as a proto-caliborn and also kind of is that#an evil wizard boy obsessed with murder and genocide who has zero social skills#the angel killer and the cherub whose adult form is a snake with wings#the destroyer of hope and the cherub whose adult form features white wings that look like the hope symbol#im just saying they're 50/50 at winning in chess bc theyre that one meme thats like#'my gf who doesnt know how shes losing' 'me whos eating the pieces when she isnt looking'#'BELIEVING IN YOUR PIECES IS NOT A VIABLE CHESS STRATEGY!!!!' like can you imagine#it'd be so goddamn funny if theres anyone capable of hating calliope itd be eridan#eridan (idiot) (mentally ill) (zero social skills) (derogatory)#erirox#eriroxy
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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character
#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum#my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly#i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight#god please helo me#edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU#you too sonic youre not out of this either#mf werehog bro#PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get#and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why#also hunger games#i think my brain is making me read#like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books#and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me#thats always how i am oh my god#but like my teacher told me to read it#and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like#im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment#hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og#yall dont fw pintrest like i do
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no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.
You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.
#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour#i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point#medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up#i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day#also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old#my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru#30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao#my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily#ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that?#can you live knowing they did so on your command?#i couldnt#thats just like beyond fucked up#anyway im gonna go try and stop crying#ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol#delete later / /#i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships)#anyway
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these exams are killing me man and they haven't even started yet.
#petrichor's thoughts#petrichor rambles#petri vents#petri 🦠#mental health#burnout#school#tw anxiety#severe anxiety#think about how stressed you get about exams and then multiply thst by like 1000000000000000000#thats how badly stressed i get#my insomnia gets so much worse as well#and i just kind of shut down#everyone tells me itll be fine and ill get good grades#and then my friends who get lower grades compare themselves to me#and its like#my grades are only high because ive stressed so much and revised to the point where i physically cant anymore#i had to teach myself how to remember things better because otherwise if my motivation levels get lower im basically fvcked#also why tf would you compare yourself to me#you know who you are#its not fair just because my grades are high#you dont know how hard i worked to get here#and how difficult it was#and how i suffer every day because of it#i cant with school anymore man#the people and the stress and the teachers and the everything is just too much
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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probably my biggest killjoy moment is that i think 9/11 jokes can go way too far. i think people like to dunk on "america" as a vague concept, but i dont think a government being bad means that 2 buildings and 4 commercial flights of regular people deserved to die...
#99.txt#i also dont think that the fact that other ppl also suffered suddenly makes it ok....#idk i have some crazy mental illness that makes it so i think anyone dying is bad#i dont wanna like. diminish how badly the us govt fucked up the middle east. but i dont think any rando in america ''deserved it''#i think like...................... its both bad.#i also think that the us military using the deaths of normal ppl to justify even more violence is cruel and disrespectful#just like. joking TOO much about it is. also disrespectful....#idk my neighbor as a kid was on one of those flights. just like. trying to get somewhere. its still tragic#a pretty small percentage of the victims were even military or anything like it was mostly just random people...#im talking in circles but just like... idk !! war is bad ! violence is bad !!!#i know other places have had it way worse but i dont think that makes it ok to be like ''it should happen to YOU now !!!'' ??#i think thats kinda stupid and weird. to crave random violence like that as long as the people were born in the Bad Country#''its ok for something bad to happen to you because something WORSE has happened to someone else'' <- a weird mentality i see too much#in general#idk ppl might be stupid about this and think im saying like ''i love murica'' or whatever.#or that i think this is like. MORE important than other problems. i dont#its relevant to me because i have personal experience with it. and i think its sad and ppl can be distasteful. thats all it is
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imagine saying allat abt a woman who was proposed to in a FIRST DATE like let’s be so real rn saeko was being way kinder than i woulda been 💀💀💀
saeko handled that like a champion like a queen like a legend like an icon i'm number three saeko stan in the world
#snap chats#i know im not the first or second saeko stan its ok ill cope .. wait i dont like three#can i be the fifth .....#BUT IN ALL REALNESS SOOO TRUE#like removing ichiban from the situation if it was any other guy we all would be like What The FUck#cause thats true mental illness behavior Much Love To Ichiban jAKVJLEKJV#ghosting him for a year was wack but also. cannot blame her fjALKEJLKJ LIKE HOW DO YOU BOUNCE BACK FRO MTHAT#she was so polite to him too she really let him down as easy as she could the following day#leaving without acknowledging the proposal a lil wack but I Repeat what the fuck do you even do in that situation#I Too wolud have just left and been like 'ok ill see you :) uh :) sometime :)' 💀💀💀
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I've straight up had the most bizarre morning @.@
#had a dream abt my abusive ex#then remembered im going to a bday party for his nephew today bc they want me there really badly (they are a child) and idk if ill see him#and then spent all morning transcribing the 6 songs from my ~abuse recovery~ album into a new notebook#plus went to therapy two days ago to deal w his bullshit so im in a weird place mentally#also some personal stuff w a friend and its just#idkkkkkkkk#and im really stuck on 'let your friends decide if they're in a place to help you' bc like. how? how can i do that?#what if they feel obligated to listen to me but are tired/done/sick of my shit? or it makes them worse?#and even then its terrifying to admit bc honestly the last time i really opened up to someone it was MY FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX#and its like. i KNOW thats the ~trauma~ speaking but um. what if its not? what if i let myself break down in front of someone and they do#the same shit? or tell me that i misread the room or misinterpreted what they said as an okay and it wasnt? what if i fuck it up?#goddamnit i hate being aware of whats going on in my brain this would be easier if i wasnt aware of the source of this shit#UGH#I NEED TRANSMOGRIFIED TO BE OUT SO I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC ABOUT THIS
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Physciatrist: does x effect your ability to maintain relationships?
Me, who has managed to maintain one long distance friendship for 8 years and occasionally talks to other people: no
#i dont know what this question actually means but im assuming its not what im thinking#i think it means 'do you have the normal amount of friends and the normal amount of capacity to connect with them'#rather than like. 'do you yell at your friends and are you awful to them because youre mentally ill and do they all leave you'#like no. i leave the abuive ones and thats just happened to be most of them#also it hadnt really occurred to me that long distance friendships are not super common as your ONLY friendships?#sorry homeschooling and moving constantly did a number on me#theres just no specifity in this question. like does it affect me HOW? which relationships? what do you mean#whats the standard im comparing my relationships to me?
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