#But thats also how you know im also mentally ill
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i was thinking cause as a stereotypical pisces im kind of delusional and start making up scenarios in my head of people i like coming to my job and we just bump into each other and its like omg.. i literally want to be the meme where i go to grab the peaches at the same time as a person i admire and omg its you
#yes this is about michael mando.. oh he’s 100 percent gonna show up to a target in georgia out of fuckingnowhere sure#a boy can dream cant he.. thats how i cope with working here#But thats also how you know im also mentally ill#BUT I KNOW IT WONT HAPPEN IT WONT SO I DONT GET MY HOPES UP#tp#ramblings#dont mind me im just kind of obssessed with him rn 😭😭#i also would do ot with loona too i would be like when they come i hope they come to my store.. yeah never happened
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Happy Passenger Release Day Anniversary !!!
#GOD this is such a simple edit when i remember how to make it lol but here it is my gift to the movie thats giving me mental illness#the passenger edit#the passenger 2023#the passenger#randy bradley#benson#kyle gallner#johnny berchtold#passengeredit#if its not synced blam tumblr okay you also i think can like scroll up and down and itll work#i cant tell if its too fast but this is just like my old one and that one was fine i think#also im a day late i know shhhh
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Hey, I was wondering why you think Roxy was destined to end up with Eridan? I get the shared wizard interest and the quirk foreshadowing I guess, but that still seems like a large stretch. It's kinda like saying that Equius and Dirk are going to end up together because they both like robots and horses. It's just seems like the sort of character remixing that Hussie uses a lot in Homestuck. But what do you think?
Roxy
- fucking LOVES WIZARDS
- is a hipster and literally wears a colorswapped version of eridans scarf
- is pink and bubbly
- uses riflekind
- has a perfectly opposite powerset to eridan (can create anything by stealing its void away vs. can destroy anything with pure belief) and are connected to each other through the matriorb
- has a crush on a troubled, eccentric prince so you know that's her type
- quirk cameo with momlonde
Eridan
- Is a wizard
- Is a hipster and literally wears a colorswapped version of roxy's scarf
- Uses riflekind
- Had a huge crush on Feferi, a bubbly pink girl whom he (wrongly) believed to be so nice she might not even be capable of pitch, so we know that's his type
- The equal and opposite powerset & quirk cameo
At the end of the day I can't tell you what to ship, nor am I interested in making anyone ship anything, but I'm kind of just saying, the things that make Roxy predisposed to liking Eridan are, like, the biggest parts of her character, and Eridan is very easy & would pretty much say yes to anybody, but Roxy is also definitely His Type and Eridan is a simp who thrives under any sort of positive attention & would do anything someone asked if they were giving him positive feedback. or attention at all. case in point kanaya fucking hates him but at least she talks to him and he's constantly praising the shit out of her
Jane and Jake also have their introductions IMMEDIATELY followed by talking about how they've got a thing for "cobalt" hunks and "cerulean babes" respectively, so setting up roxy with eridan also fits into a pattern of the b2 kids being set up to date a dead troll. still rereading this part of the comic, but it really jumped out to me how blatant it was for jake and jane
#ship what you want to ship idc but#imo the foreshadowing is pretty blatant#which also fits with eridan because pale erikar was one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the comic#and imo pitch calliope/eridan was also in the cards though less blatantly#calliope has 'biologically compelled to spades guys that remind her of her brother“ disease (moment of silence)#and eridan has literally been described as a proto-caliborn and also kind of is that#an evil wizard boy obsessed with murder and genocide who has zero social skills#the angel killer and the cherub whose adult form is a snake with wings#the destroyer of hope and the cherub whose adult form features white wings that look like the hope symbol#im just saying they're 50/50 at winning in chess bc theyre that one meme thats like#'my gf who doesnt know how shes losing' 'me whos eating the pieces when she isnt looking'#'BELIEVING IN YOUR PIECES IS NOT A VIABLE CHESS STRATEGY!!!!' like can you imagine#it'd be so goddamn funny if theres anyone capable of hating calliope itd be eridan#eridan (idiot) (mentally ill) (zero social skills) (derogatory)#erirox#eriroxy
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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character
#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum#my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly#i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight#god please helo me#edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU#you too sonic youre not out of this either#mf werehog bro#PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get#and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why#also hunger games#i think my brain is making me read#like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books#and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me#thats always how i am oh my god#but like my teacher told me to read it#and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like#im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment#hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og#yall dont fw pintrest like i do
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no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.
You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.
#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour#i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point#medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up#i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day#also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old#my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru#30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao#my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily#ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that?#can you live knowing they did so on your command?#i couldnt#thats just like beyond fucked up#anyway im gonna go try and stop crying#ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol#delete later / /#i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships)#anyway
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these exams are killing me man and they haven't even started yet.
#petrichor's thoughts#petrichor rambles#petri vents#petri 🦠#mental health#burnout#school#tw anxiety#severe anxiety#think about how stressed you get about exams and then multiply thst by like 1000000000000000000#thats how badly stressed i get#my insomnia gets so much worse as well#and i just kind of shut down#everyone tells me itll be fine and ill get good grades#and then my friends who get lower grades compare themselves to me#and its like#my grades are only high because ive stressed so much and revised to the point where i physically cant anymore#i had to teach myself how to remember things better because otherwise if my motivation levels get lower im basically fvcked#also why tf would you compare yourself to me#you know who you are#its not fair just because my grades are high#you dont know how hard i worked to get here#and how difficult it was#and how i suffer every day because of it#i cant with school anymore man#the people and the stress and the teachers and the everything is just too much
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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probably my biggest killjoy moment is that i think 9/11 jokes can go way too far. i think people like to dunk on "america" as a vague concept, but i dont think a government being bad means that 2 buildings and 4 commercial flights of regular people deserved to die...
#99.txt#i also dont think that the fact that other ppl also suffered suddenly makes it ok....#idk i have some crazy mental illness that makes it so i think anyone dying is bad#i dont wanna like. diminish how badly the us govt fucked up the middle east. but i dont think any rando in america ''deserved it''#i think like...................... its both bad.#i also think that the us military using the deaths of normal ppl to justify even more violence is cruel and disrespectful#just like. joking TOO much about it is. also disrespectful....#idk my neighbor as a kid was on one of those flights. just like. trying to get somewhere. its still tragic#a pretty small percentage of the victims were even military or anything like it was mostly just random people...#im talking in circles but just like... idk !! war is bad ! violence is bad !!!#i know other places have had it way worse but i dont think that makes it ok to be like ''it should happen to YOU now !!!'' ??#i think thats kinda stupid and weird. to crave random violence like that as long as the people were born in the Bad Country#''its ok for something bad to happen to you because something WORSE has happened to someone else'' <- a weird mentality i see too much#in general#idk ppl might be stupid about this and think im saying like ''i love murica'' or whatever.#or that i think this is like. MORE important than other problems. i dont#its relevant to me because i have personal experience with it. and i think its sad and ppl can be distasteful. thats all it is
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imagine saying allat abt a woman who was proposed to in a FIRST DATE like let’s be so real rn saeko was being way kinder than i woulda been 💀💀💀
saeko handled that like a champion like a queen like a legend like an icon i'm number three saeko stan in the world
#snap chats#i know im not the first or second saeko stan its ok ill cope .. wait i dont like three#can i be the fifth .....#BUT IN ALL REALNESS SOOO TRUE#like removing ichiban from the situation if it was any other guy we all would be like What The FUck#cause thats true mental illness behavior Much Love To Ichiban jAKVJLEKJV#ghosting him for a year was wack but also. cannot blame her fjALKEJLKJ LIKE HOW DO YOU BOUNCE BACK FRO MTHAT#she was so polite to him too she really let him down as easy as she could the following day#leaving without acknowledging the proposal a lil wack but I Repeat what the fuck do you even do in that situation#I Too wolud have just left and been like 'ok ill see you :) uh :) sometime :)' 💀💀💀
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I've straight up had the most bizarre morning @.@
#had a dream abt my abusive ex#then remembered im going to a bday party for his nephew today bc they want me there really badly (they are a child) and idk if ill see him#and then spent all morning transcribing the 6 songs from my ~abuse recovery~ album into a new notebook#plus went to therapy two days ago to deal w his bullshit so im in a weird place mentally#also some personal stuff w a friend and its just#idkkkkkkkk#and im really stuck on 'let your friends decide if they're in a place to help you' bc like. how? how can i do that?#what if they feel obligated to listen to me but are tired/done/sick of my shit? or it makes them worse?#and even then its terrifying to admit bc honestly the last time i really opened up to someone it was MY FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX#and its like. i KNOW thats the ~trauma~ speaking but um. what if its not? what if i let myself break down in front of someone and they do#the same shit? or tell me that i misread the room or misinterpreted what they said as an okay and it wasnt? what if i fuck it up?#goddamnit i hate being aware of whats going on in my brain this would be easier if i wasnt aware of the source of this shit#UGH#I NEED TRANSMOGRIFIED TO BE OUT SO I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC ABOUT THIS
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Physciatrist: does x effect your ability to maintain relationships?
Me, who has managed to maintain one long distance friendship for 8 years and occasionally talks to other people: no
#i dont know what this question actually means but im assuming its not what im thinking#i think it means 'do you have the normal amount of friends and the normal amount of capacity to connect with them'#rather than like. 'do you yell at your friends and are you awful to them because youre mentally ill and do they all leave you'#like no. i leave the abuive ones and thats just happened to be most of them#also it hadnt really occurred to me that long distance friendships are not super common as your ONLY friendships?#sorry homeschooling and moving constantly did a number on me#theres just no specifity in this question. like does it affect me HOW? which relationships? what do you mean#whats the standard im comparing my relationships to me?
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Istg I actually need to sit down and write a proper bio for Riku because even I get confused af as to what his personality is sometimes.
#oc tag#“but prince he's your oc how tf did this happen” he has a mind of his own trust me#i mean this is literally one of the parts of his character he is literally so good at adapting his personality#because he felt he needed to as a kid both in school and in the business world#that barely anyone knows what he's actually like#like one minute he's a suave overconfident guy who can take on anything#but hes also the quiet dude in class who never participates is probably asleep but somehow gets everything right and is top of the grade#he loves to flirt but will absolutely blue screen if anyone flirts back because despite the fact he flaunts himself-#he doesn't think hes attractive LMAO#his biggest motivation is spite and he doesn't know when to quit#this boy has so many fucking issues istg#def one of those characters who has so many masks that he hardly knows himself#i have a fear that he's nearly too complex to the point where he's a confusing character and i personally dont think thats a good thing#so i really hope that's not the case for you guys 😬#over my break ive really spent time trying to iron out his character and just make him into soemthing im even more proud of you know#the good thing is that at least his story now has a clear arc and theme which im really proud of#so im gonna use that to build off and iron him out even more#the way i put more work into this funky dude i came up with than like my entire uni work#i love him so much sorry to be mentally ill about a guy i made because i liked a ship too much (and crossover i was having fun with too)#one day i will have a proper post for him with references and everything for him his outfits his personas the lot#one of these days
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i dont understand what about this is so difficult for people to comprehend:
i just kinda want my thoughts on opinions on MY OWN HEALTH to be entertained instead of immediately disregarded
like. im 17. i shouldnt be having back pain so often. i shouldnt be having such severe leg pain. i shouldnt be dealing with such shitty hand joints. but FUCK ME i guess i dont get a say in jack SHIT about my own health!!!!! because what i say means fuck all!!!!! ok man!!!! whatever i guess!!!!!!!
#its shit like THIS that makes me TERRIFIED to bring shit up to my therapist#i cant tell her if i have an idea on what might be wrong with me because shell probably just NOT LISTEN TO ME#because thats what my LAST therapist did#and what my mother CONSTANTLY DOES#FUCK#this is why i have to self-diagnose by the fucking way#not that its any of your goddamn business what we do and why#its because of Trauma and Stigma and the fact we already Have autism so apparently. according to The Law or something#that means i cant be mentally ill in any Other way#so i GUESS ill go Fuck myself and have to deal with only being self-diagnosed with adhd. and atypical depression#and c-ptsd. for the rest of my life#and not get any treatment for anything despite it directly impacting my quality of life#and maybe being connected to my shitty memory issues#but lmaoooo that doesnt matter lol lmao rofl fuck this guy this guy doesnt know what hes talking about#how could any mentally ill person have an idea on whats wrong with them Thats Not How It Works#did i mention that that was a mindset i had btw#i dunno where i picked it up but probably from my parents#“a mentally ill person doesnt know theyre mentally ill” thats the stupidest shit ive heard in my life#also im not going to debate the validity of my mental illness with you#i have npd. that is a fact because of LITERALLY. FUCKING EVERTHING#im just not pursuing a Professional Diagnosis at this time because it wont do anything for me and itll be more trouble than its worth#and if i have my knowledge on That questioned i might Actually kill myself
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girls will reach self actualization and get so scared by it theyll believe something terrible must be in store for them
#things are going too well somethings gotta give im serious i feel both amazing bc i have all this confidence and energy and will to live#and i understand myself and my limits but i also keep pushing them to further establish how far i can go#but at the same time i feel like a big grey cloud is just around the corner like i can feel it coming from the horizon#you know like those images where the sky is grey but the entire scene is brightly lit thats how i feel rn im just waiting for the storm#this is mentally ill behaviour im very aware of that its just that i feel so good and im afraid that that feeling will end#that the high will wear off that ill fall back into my old habits or even worse that some unforeseen outside circumstance will ruin me#piksla.txt
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when do yall think sawashiro found out akane was alive . just wonderin .
#snap chats#WAS THIS A RECENT DEVELOPMENT OR EARLIER CAUSE IF IT WAS EARLIER OHHHHH MY GODDDDD#i just might throw up at the potential of sawashiro knowing akane was alive while arakawa was still alive#ouuuuugggghhhh demons BACK /BACK/ I SAY JUST WAIT TWO MONTHS#if this motherfucker confirms he knew while arakawa was still kicking im gonna scream and piss myself#im getting evil ideas and i need to be STOPPED#when did they let his ass out of jail... did he get nosy once he got out or something..#honestly i was thinking about it this morning because i was laughing at how mine and sawa both did 'research' on their bosses#mine was mentally ill about it jo just wanted to be with his son and was just findin shit out but NOW. how far did the rabbit hole go...#inevitably he wouldve learned about akane one point or another whether because arakawa told him the story or he discovered her#but when did he Discover Her yk. when did yall start being pen pals SHE ADDRESS YOU AS 'MR JO SAWASHIRO'#i still think thats cute. sorry. moving on POINT IS NOW /IM/ NOSY#january 26th cant get here any sooner#also can i just say i think i tricked myself into thinking the game was coming out the 24th like when the fuck did that happen#HOW the fuck did that happen... lol... anyway...#im gonna go now and try to ward the demons off bye#also should i make katsu curry today.... its the last of my curry and there really is no reason why i shouldnt other than im lazy#hmmm........... chicekn.....
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