#But in the end this hurts bigger fat people the MOST

[hometownrockstar]

We very much need to become more aware of the cultural perception and criteria of fatness bc the latest online discussions of it are deeply embarrassing to read. Everyone has a different definition of fatness, and this is due to the way society dictates fatness in relation to others. A person could be called skinny or fat depending on the context, who or what theyre being compared to relative wise, clothing sizes, its all due to the stigma of fatness that makes any slight connection to it (being the slightest bit curvier compared to the stick thin standard, having a small stomach pouch, ect.) be seen as confirmation of fatness

But whats crucial to understand here is that bigger bodied fat people will never have the "privilege" of being considered skinny, and their existence is often treated as a way to make skinnier or mid-size people look thinner by comparison. Fatphobia is ALL about being afraid or uncomfortable with the biggest fat people, of being like them in any way. So while you are arguing about whether the latest "chubby rep" character is actually "average/normal sized" (i hate categorizing any body type as normal btw), maybe pause for a moment to consider if you or anyone else in this discussion has thought about fat people who could NOT be afforded the argument about whether theyre skinny, fat, or midsize. The ones who are unequivocally fat, with double or triple chins, fat rolls, large stomachs or double stomachs, ect. They are the ones being most left out of discussions and arguments about what constitutes as "really" fat/chubby, when they face the brunt of fatphobia and erasure the most

[paddlescuddlesbubblesgurgles]

A Series Of Firsts

I remember the first time my scale read ‘error’. It ticked up to 408lbs and then the dreaded letters appeared. 

I remember the first time I ate enough for more than 3 people. Just 3 is somewhat common for me. 

I remember the first time my knees hurt just from trying to stand up. I’m really heavy. That was 40lbs ago. 

I remember the first time I became so full my overhang was lifted slightly off my fatpad. So full I was distended to absurdity. 

I remember the first time I learned if I lifted up my gut with my arms, it relieved my lower back pain. 

I remember the first time a chair broke beneath my weight, I would also end up breaking a couch, and a bed. Then a toilet cracked beneath my weight. 

I remember the first time a car noticeably sunk and the metal squealed when I sat inside it, and then the reverse when I got out.

I remember the first time my belly popped a button off a shirt, then it would rip one. Same for my waist breaking buttons off pants, and my thighs ripped holes in the legs. I have also destroyed a few pairs of underwear when I’ve sat down.

I remember the first time I realized my chest is bigger than many others’ chests. Usually mine are bigger. 

I remember the first time my side profile in the mirror shocked me. Can I be this wide? That is constant now.

I remember the first time I became winded just bending over it squatting down for longer than a minute or two. 

I remember the first time someone implied I need an extended mechanical grabber to pick things up because I’m so fat that my belly prevents me. 

I remember the first time I realized I’m getting too fat for easy penetration. 

I remember the first time I needed to lift up my belly and get my arm underneath it to pleasure myself. 

I remember the first time I was so stuffed full I couldn’t reach. My belly was stopping my completely no matter the position.

I remember the first time I realized nothing in most clothing stores fits me. I cannot shop in person usually. 

I remember the first time I outgrew my favorite shirt. This happens constantly now. 

I remember the first time I was out of breath from simply standing up after stuffing myself. This would create an inescapable pattern.

I remember the first time I ate an entire cake at once. I actually bought 2, couldn’t finish the second. 

I remember the first time I ate so much I fell asleep trying to digest it. An extra large pizza from a local place that I ate 90% of. 

I remember the first time I cured my insomnia by eating so much I couldn’t stay awake. 

I remember the first time I learned my body was desirable, that there are people who love pigs. They love gigantic, overfed bellies. 

I remember the first time I started trying to belch to make more room inside my gut. Pretty much every meal now. 

I remember the first time I realized a single thigh of mine is bigger than most people’s entire torsos. My belly can threaten someone’s entire body in size. 

I remember the first time I ate 15 cookies in a row. Regular habit now. 

I remember the first time someone told me to count calories and start overeating every meal. I had 7-10k every single day for 12 days straight. 

I remember the first time I ate enough for 8 people. An entire pizza, and 3 entrees completely inside my belly, with a 2 liter Diet Coke. 

I remember the first time I ate so much I couldn’t swallow anymore, and my jaw hurt, and I was actively fighting to keep it down. More common now. 

I remember the first time I ate an entire tailgater tray from a fast food restaurant. 

I remember the first time I ate 8 combos worth of food. Almost the entire menu. 

I remember the first time I smothered someone with just my belly. Completely enveloped their head in my overhang. 

I remember the first time someone made fun of me and called me fat in public. Unprompted stranger. That hurt. 

I remember the first time I wanted my belly to hang to my knees, and become so much bigger than it is now. That was 30lbs ago or so. 

I remember the first time I considered myself too fat, too heavy for myself.

I remember the first time I strongly considered going much further past my max weight, just because someone asked me to.

I remember the first time I outgrew a measuring tape. Those 60”s just aren’t enough for my body now. 

I remember the first time I realized I am living to eat. 

[denileisariver]

warnings: dick analysis!, explicit detail of male genitalia, multiple versions of batman ♡, the batman (2022), batman v. superman, batman: arkham knight, comic batman, justice league.

a/n: purely for shits and giggles. if you saw me accidentally post this, no you fucking didn't.

THE BATMAN (2022)

tbh i think he would have an average length. like 6 inches, uncut, not too thick but not skinny either. his dick is prettyyyy. like really fucking pretty. the tip of his cock is a soft pinkish color, darkening slightly when he's hard. the bottom of his tip would form a sort of 'y' shape. this man is pale and so is the shaft of his dick, about #f2dac9. he's not really veiny either, the skin soft and smooth.

as an incluse, he doesn't really have sex, if any at all. he probably masturbates the most out of all the versions of batman. because of this, i feel like his balls would be pretty full, but they're not super big and heavy either. they're definitely really sensitive from not being touched a lot. would hang a bit more on the higher side.

cums so much ♡. like hyperspermia type shit. his seed would probably be a really pigmented white, spurting out in thick ropes. when he cums, the tip of his cock turns a softer red from the blood rush.

he would probably prefer to be nice and tidy, even completely shaven occasionally. but he gets too obsessed with work, and forgets about it sometimes, leaving him with a cute happy trail. his pubic hair never gets really long at all before he's cutting it off.

BATMAN V. SUPERMAN

probably baised but he has a really fat cock. super thick and girthy, the stretch of it 100% hurts a bit during sex. i'd still put him around 6.7 inches, he definitely shows a lot though, so maybe even 7 inches. he's cut too, the tip of his cock would be more mushroom shaped. the base of it would be slightly hyperpigmented, but overall around #e3c2aa. not the most veiny either, but a long thick vein would protrude from it along the shaft.

his balls are big, i don't wanna hear any backtalk. as the divorced husband and without any robins left, he's a fucking loner. he probably still fucks a decent amount, but not as much as people think. his balls would hang more lower. they're not the most sensitive, but he'd appreciate getting them licked or even sucked while receiving head.

his cum would be on the more opaque side, more translucent, the pigment softer in color. he doesn't cum super large amounts, but it definitely isn't small amounts of it either. you probably wouldn't be seeing much of it anyways, since he'd prefer to cum inside any of your holes he can get.

he's more hairy, not really caring much anymore about shaving as he gets older. he's not crazily unkempt, but he would probably hold it off until the hair gets uncomfortable or even if you asked him to.

BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT

he's fucking hung, i don't care what anybody says. easily 8 inches, also cut, the girth of it at the very least 3.5 inches. the tip of his cock might be more on the bigger side, the shape of it also more of a mushroom shape but more pointing upwards instead of round at the top, the bottom of the tip barely having a sort of short 'y' shape.

speaking of things pointing upwards, his cock is definitely curved up a bit, perfect to hit all those extra sensitive spots inside you. the most veiny out of all versions of batman, blame that on his crazy physique. he has protruding veins all over his body, and his cock is no exception. it would start around his pubic bone to the base of his dick, leading towards the shaft and ending closely to his tip. definitely multiple on him too. he's a bit more pale, around #f7edd2.

his balls are fucking heavy, something that's just a given with a cock as big as his. you would be able to feel them slapping against your skin in positions where he's fucking himself into you, as opposed to something like cowgirl. they also hang decently low too.

he can cum large amounts after not having sex in a while, but it probably turns into an average amount if he's having sex regularly. the color is also a more soft pigment but not too translucent.

i would say he would be on the more shaven side, but after playing batman: arkham knight multiple times, there's a conversation available between some thugs that mention this batman is more hairer than clean shaven. he's not the most tidy, probably not the hairiest either, but it's definitely there.

COMIC BATMAN

he's a fucking slut, period. not the biggest, but he knows damn well how to use it, kind of average around 6.5 inches. the tip of it isn't super round, not really pointy either, just sort of in between. he also has a pretty average girth, probably also cut. he would have smaller veins poking out of the shaft, none super long or thick, but they're definitely noticeable. depending on which comic he could either be super pale or sort of tan, but i'd say he's around #fce3d2. his tip is sort of a darker, mute kind of pink.

his balls aren't too big, definitely not small either, they don't hang super low or high. he has the picture perfect image of a nice, pretty cock. as a man-whore, i don't think he would be really sensitive either, but when he's about to orgasm, his dick definitely spasms a lot, the tip of it would become an angry red, and his balls would tighten up like he doesn't fuck a lot, but he definitely does.

he wouldn't cum a crazy lot either, his balls are happily emptied by himself or whoever's hole he's fucking for the week, maybe cums the least out of all the versions of batman, but still a good healthy amount. the color is more pigmented, barely opaque unless it's getting spread around.

since he has sex pretty often, for himself and the sake of his partner, he would keep himself shaven smooth, might even go so far as waxing himself. if he is hairy, it's because he's been working a lot and just doesn't have the time to clean himself up.

JUSTICE LEAGUE

he doesn't give me vibes that he's fucking a lot, but he definitely gives me big pp energy. he's uncut, 7 inches max, kind of curved to the right because of masturbating a lot. despite him having a great physique, i don't think his cock would be really veiny, and if there is, it's probably more around his pubic bone than on his shaft. he'd be more tan in color, around #ba9277. his tip is darker too, maybe a very light maroonish color.

his balls are decently heavy, they don't get emptied too often so they can get pretty big sometimes. for some reason, i also feel like they would have a sort of light hyperpigmentation. they hang on the lower side, but they're just as pretty as any version of batman ♡.

he can cum large amounts, he doesn't really care where either, as long as he can release after being pent up for a decent amount of time. it's also pretty pigmented in color, but due to how much he cums, it can get sort of translucent.

i imagine him more on the hairer side, he works a lot as both personas, and just doesn't really get around to it. if he was expecting to have sex soon, then he would take the time to shave himself up a bit. maybe not completely, but just enough so it isn't as bushy. but if he fucks someone and it's completely spontaneous and unplanned, his hair would definitely be pretty coarse.

a/n: omfg i struggled so bad to post this. i had to rewrite like three times just because it didn't save, on top of accidentally posting it while it was unfinished. i hate it here 🫠. but anyways, i was thinking about this and need all of these versions of batman to run a train on me ♡.

[bonefall]

So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Parenting Headcanons - Mona, Yelan & Shenhe

CW: Male!Reader, angst in Yelan's part.

Mona Megistus

It was only a matter of time before Mona's curiosity got the better of her, making her look into the scry glass of your future. 

She expected to see you die, break up, get sick or something. Good endings are rare, right? 

Well, they are indeed, but she had one right before her eyes. She saw you two, sitting on a couch, the ringfinger of each occupied. Mona's stomach was, surprisingly, bigger than usual. 

Her first thought was she got fat, which worried her a little. But when she looked closer, her belly was suspiciously round. 

Then she understood. At first she got completely red in the face - how will she be able to look at you the same way ever again? 

It was tough the first week, but after a time Mona managed to contain the sudden blushes and bursts of flusteredness. At the end of the day, the scrying eased her relationship anxiety, and opened her up more. 

Obviously, it lead to marriage - just as the stars predicted. 

When the relationship reached the right state, Mona made a promise to you to never look up the future of you, herself, and the child, or children. As hard as it was at first, she overcame the urge to see what's in store for her family after a time. 

Mona never thought of being a mother, truth be told. Her mind was too busy on astrology to consider such things. Actually, she never really expected to have a partner anyway. 

Mona gave it some thought since then, and she decided that the sex of her child doesn't matter. She would prefer to have a single heir, however. She's not very good at the whole 'taking care of kids' thing, you see. 

She's quite awkward at first, but she'll get used to it at some point. 

Since Mona doesn't need to leave the house for work, she'll have a lot of time to take care of the child. She also works at night (combined with the need to get up early it will make her extremely exhausted), letting her tuck her kid in, and maybe read a bedtime story. 

She's quite good at those, as the stars carry many tales from every corner of the universe. 

Her horrible habit of overspending was 'tamed' by you in the early stages of the relationship, but you still have to fight her at times. 

"No, Mona. You can't buy that textbook. If you do, we will probably have to eat its leather cover at the end of the month."

Mona's signature is her pouts and theatrical frowns, and her little one will start to mimic those behaviors. And honestly? Seeing the two of them be overly dramatic is really cute! 

Oh, right. She stopped overspending on herself, but the habit returned - in the form of soiling her kid. Her wallet can't get a rest, can it? 

Mona has her issues, but overall she’s not a bad mother. 7/10.

Yelan

Yelan doesn't want kids. 

It's not because she hates the idea, or she has something against small humans of her own. 

Yelan actually wants to be a mom. The thought of spending quiet evenings with the love of her life and the cute little person, the fruit of your love, makes her sigh dreamily. 

That makes the reality of why she doesn't want her dream to come true even more soul crushing. 

Yelan knows that an agent never stops being one. No matter the time that passes since her last assignment, her work will constantly follow her wherever she goes. And the most important factor is that some people, very dangerous people, know who she is, where she lives and who she loves. 

She's balancing on the edge even now, with you by her side. The uncertainty of whether they will come and hurt you one day or not makes her restless at times. Loving her is a risk, one that you took with full responsibility. 

Even though you agreed, risking your life on a daily basis is not something Yelan enjoys. And risking the destruction of an entirely new, innocent human? It's too much. 

Yelan has not given up on her dream, however. She has some plans and ideas that could work. 

Adoption is out of the question, since the paperwork required for it is easily traceable back from her child to herself. Perhaps an enemy of hers will decide that the kid has some priceless information about her, and abduct them? The thought makes her skin crawl every time. 

The second one is having a child herself and hiding them away with her family. That would have its own struggles, but those would be entirely about her behavior - something she could easily manage. She trusts you to act responsibly as well, no problem with that. 

The issue comes with upbringing. No matter how hard everyone tries to hide it, the atmosphere of slight fear and stealth present will give the kid ideas. Yelan really, really doesn't want her child to live in secret, in the shadow of some unknown, but very real threat. 

Her time is also running out. Yelan is painfully aware of the fact that with age pregnancy gets problematic. The child could be stillborn or miscarried, have health problems, she herself could get sick and die. The chances are not very high, yes, but they are still there. 

Having kids is a hard decision, and one she has yet to make.

Rating Yelan is a hard thing. Of course, no kids means a 0/10. But if she would have them, her great sacrifices would only be recognised much later. In contrast she would rather not spend much time with her child, if any at all - making it a tough nut to crack when it comes to score on the scale.

Shenhe

As one might expect, Shenhe got 'the birds and the bees' talk from her adoptive mother, Cloud Retainer. The Adepti finished her explanation with one line that stuck in her head through all the years of training. 

Surely, she said, surely one day you too will get to experience the wonders of motherhood. One would be very glad indeed. 

Ever since that time, Shenhe began playing with her dolls more often (yes, Cloud Retainer gave her toys), imagining herself as a mom. Every time she would play out the scenario Shenhe forgot all about her predicament, the harsh training and the monsters she saw regularly in her dreams. She never imagined herself as a child in some fictional family. She liked it under Cloud Retainer, and she came to like her care after time. It's not like she remembered much anyway. 

It lasted until she slipped into her rage, and started wearing the ropes. The new, dulled Shenhe was just that in her character and way of being. However, Shenhe still had her human side within, just carefully tucked under the tight ropes. 

Ever since she met you, her mortal self was slowly being pulled into the light again. It was only a matter of time for her motherly instincts to come back. It was just a simple evening of cuddling when she realized you were the one. Not that she didn't think that when you started dating. Just the thought hit her hard at that moment. 

When Shenhe wants something, she'll just voice her needs. So, out of the blue, she declared her desire for making kids. Right there, right now. 

You had to hold her horses a little, and explain in depth how parenthood works. Cloud Retainer's ideas are very outdated and plainly strange at times, so you had to go through all the strange ideas she put into your girlfriend’s head. It will take some time, sure, but Shenhe will understand.

Preferences on the sex? Well… when you asked her, Shenhe replied that she would really like her offspring to be human. That’s all there is to say.

She is obviously quite new, lightly speaking, to the whole parenthood thing, so for safety, she would like to have just one kid. At least for now. 

Of course the second being to get to know about the pregnancy is Cloud Retainer. The Adepti got some sort of verbal zoomies after hearing the news, spurting words of joy incomprehensibly, even stepping out of her speech patterns at times. 

Everyone will know. Moon Carver will know, Mountain Shaper will know, Morax will know, Ganyu will know, Streetward Rambler will know, even Xiao will hear the news (whether he likes to or not). 

Honestly, Cloud Retainer’s joy was quite overwhelming, and Morax politely explained the situation to the bird at your and Shenhe’s request. After that the Adepti toned down her behavior a fair bit, just keeping to daily visits and acts of service. Like building a crib, making toys, educating Shenhe about the entire caretaking process. 

Childbirth will be no issue when she has the Adepti on standby, ready to help in a moment’s notice. 

Shenhe generally has no plan when it comes to upbringing, except for one thing - to not make the child into an Adepti super-soldier like herself. Shenhe decided that the role of the parent is not to force a fate upon their child, but show them possibilities and support their choices instead. 

Shenhe feels at peace when in the presence of her child and you. Up to the point that, during Cloud Retainer’s weekly check up, she discovered that, ever since having a child, Shenhe’s aura was completely clear of the disruptions suppressed by the red ropes. Very, very carefully, Cloud Retainer started removing the ropes over the course of a few months. Nothing happened, except Shenhe getting more assertive and much more human. 

“No, master. A flying crib is not a good idea. Also… I doubt the herb diet would be a good choice either.”

Shenhe will not hesitate to die for her child just as she won’t when your life would be threatened. She can get possessive at times, but it’s all harmless. 

She has a lot of friends, so the kid will get plenty of interaction. Ganyu will generally care for them, taking them on walks in the mountains or picnics when they get older. Yanfei will put an eye on the education (as an assistant to Zhongli himself) and behavior in public, though she won’t hesitate to cover up the child's misdeeds at times.  And Cloud retainer, well… Everything at once, simply put. 

Lucky you, actually. You two can just leave the little one with the bird for a whole day and get well deserved rest. 

With friends and family galore to help her along the way, with you to offer a second opinion at any time, and with her dreams and determination, Shenhe is nothing short of a 10/10 mother.

Thanks for reading!

[ash5monster01]

Perfect to Love

Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, angst, trust issues.

Summary: Beth Walker was used to living in the shadows. She had only one friend and anyone else who paid her mind usually bullied her for her size. So she learned to keep her mouth shut, her head down, and her heart closed because she had to accept the fact that she would be nothing more than the fat girl to people. That is until Robin decides Beth needs more in life and that might just include a boy who she never would’ve thought could see her for who she truly was.

word count: 1,326

→ Part 1

Masterlist

"Bertha!" chuckles from teenage boys followed the sneer that came from Colin Matterson's mouth, football captain, and all around douche. Beth recoiled into her self as heads turned to look at her and her peers chuckled. People thought they were clever adding two little letters to her name, instead they were just mean.

"Eat shit Matterson!" Robin stood and yelled to which the boy just brushed off and continued on his way to a seat in the bleachers. Beth felt her breaths coming out in heavy paces but she appreciated Robin for sticking up for her. "Don't listen to him Beth, he's an asshole"

"You know I ignore him" Beth told her, adjusting the strap to her marching band helmet. Robin took notice of how her flute trembled in her hand despite the tough facade she was putting on.

"Still Beth, people like him aren't going to matter by the end of the year" Vickie piped in. Ever since the three had been placed beside each other in the line up they had gotten to know each other. They also learned that Beth was super cool despite being silent most of the time. Things used to not be so bad until Barb Holland passed away, leaving her to be the only bigger girl left in their grade.

"I know, just hurts that he's right" both girls instantly gave offended looks, quickly muttering off how she was one of the most prettiest girls they knew but sometimes those comments didn't hold a lot of weight opposed to the mean ones. Beth knew it was wrong to not think her friends were sincere but if Colin Matterson was the one calling her beautiful things would be a bit different. Being seen at all by somebody new would be different.

"Beth nobody is perfect and you in comparison to Colin Matterson is a thousand times better and I mean it. You have more personality and good qualities in your pinky finger than he does all together" Beth offered a smile because a small part of her knew she was right. Yet after years of opposite comments there was still a small part of her that believed Robin was just saying it to make her feel better.

"Thanks Rob" but Robin knew she still didn’t get through to the girl and that thought frustrated her more than anything. Beth deserved to be seen for the amazing person she was, somebody like that shouldn’t have to hide from the world because of some stupid standard of beauty. It pissed Robin off to no end especially when she knew if Beth looked how people thought she should look she would be the most popular girl in school.

Robin kept this in mind throughout the entirety of the pep rally, walking Beth to her car, and waiting for Steve to pick her up. She was frustrated not only trying to find a way for others to see how amazing Beth was but for Beth to see herself as such. Robin knew what hating yourself could be like, it took years for her to accept being gay. Some things you can’t change and the sooner you learn to accept them the happier you’ll be. Yet since she couldn’t come up with a sure fire way she continued to be frustrated.

“What’s with you?” Robing looked up from the returns she was stacking to see Steve leaned against the counter giving her a confused look.

“What do you mean?” she asked and he quickly chuckled, a shake of his head swaying some stray hairs loose.

“You’ve barely said a word since we’ve gotten here. Normally you’re going on and on about how cute Vickie was at band practice today. You being quiet is weird” Steve told her and Robin finally sighed, falling against the counter like she had finally given up.

“It’s Beth” Steve rose his eyebrows in a suggestive way and Robin shook her head against the counter top, a sign that it wasn’t like he thought.

“Beth Walker, you remember her?” Robin asked and Steve shook his head which only caused Robin to sigh harder.

“She’s my friend and easily the sweetest girl on this planet but she gets terrorized at school, she doesn’t even know how cool she is because of how terrible to other students are to her” Robin explained and Steve suddenly felt guilty for not knowing her despite being a grade ahead.

“Why are they bullying her?” Steve asked, curious as to what reason someone would have to treat a sweet girl badly.

“She’s bigger, kinda like Barb but shorter. They call her Bertha” Steve cringed at the mean name, even he could feel the sting of it.

“That’s awful Rob” he told her and she nodded as she lifted her head from the counter.

“It is and Steve she is so great. Like the coolest chick you’d ever meet. She drives a brand new corvette and the kids still treat her like shit” Steve smiled at Robins defense for the girl, the thought comforting him to know she’d do the same for him.

“Have you tried telling her this?” Robin let out a small groan as she started to pick at a stray string on her shirt.

“All the time but I know she doesn’t listen. I can’t blame her though, when the same people keep building you up and hundreds of strangers tear you down it doesn’t do much. That’s a battle meant to be lost” Robin wished that her words could resonate with the girl but the only way they would is if someone like Colin Matterson finally came around and started saying them. Then suddenly it hit her. “You used to be a dick right?”

“Woah, what the hell?” Steve held his hands up and Robin rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean Steve, you weren’t the best guy back in the day” Robin defended and he dropped his head.

“That’s way harsh Rob, you know I’m not like that anymore” Robin nodded and began to move around the counter to face him.

“Well yeah, you’re super cool now. But guys like Colin Matterson still think you’re King of Hawkins?” Steve thought about it before nodding, he graduated with the Mr. Popular reputation even if he still didn’t feel like he had it.

“Not that I’m proud of it but yeah, those guys all still think I’m hot shit” Steve said as he crossed his arms. “So what’re you getting at?”

“Meet Beth, hang out with her in public, if people see you with her they might realize it’s not her size that matters” Steves eyes widened, totally not seeing where this conversation was going.

“I don’t know Rob-”

“Please Steve, she’s so great. It doesn’t have to be right away, I can bring her to a movie night or something. She just deserves to be seen for who she is and I can’t help her with that but you can” Steve pressed his hand to his eyes, thinking about it for a moment before turning to her.

“One movie night, then I’ll think about it” he told her as he pointed a finger at her and she began to jump and cheer. “You’re something else”

“And you’re the best Steve Harrington, truly” Steve tried to hide his smile but he couldn’t help it as he watched Robin become so happy over the thought that she could help a friend.

If Robin had claimed this girl was so special maybe it was worth a shot. Hell he never even really thought of Barb as big, it was mainly Tommy and Carol that ever bullied people for things like that. Yet he realized he wasn’t much better never even realizing her when he knew most of her grade because of Nancy. The size didn’t matter to him, but if he didn’t like her and started bringing her around wouldn’t that be just like using her?

a/n: if this is a story you guys would be interested in plz let me know, I am also aware I have not finished my Rooster Series yet but I do have the outlines for the remaining chapters so I wanted to get a head start on this. I think the concept would be cute and I’m a sucker for the fact I think Steve Harrington would be all about plus size girls. I think this could be a cute short little series <3

let me know if you want to be added to the tag list

[1863-project]

This is a really difficult time of year for me now. It's been this way ever since I got sick.

Hashimoto's thyroiditis, the autoimmune thyroid disorder I have, causes both weight gain and weight loss resistance. At this time of year, everyone is bombarded with things about weight loss and exercise and all of that stuff, and it's really difficult when your body isn't capable of it. Exercise is difficult when your thyroid pushes on your trachea and makes it harder to breathe, and you can't do it very long anyway since the same issue has caused you muscle weakness. You have to take everything slower.

I used to enjoy hiking. I can't walk uphill now without being short of breath almost immediately because of the pressure going at that angle puts on my trachea.

It hurts to see all these people talking about how they're going to "improve" their bodies and become rail thin and lose weight and knowing that they think your body is unacceptable because you're sick and it won't change the way theirs will. Diet and exercise can't really do much when you have an autoimmune disorder, and when you try to find out more you find all these quack products and solutions that clearly don't work.

My weight's plateaued at the point it's been at for a few years now. I'm not really getting any bigger anymore, and most people don't even notice it even though I feel like I'm distended. It's dysmorphia on my end - I never look the way I do in my mind - but since I'm not completely flat with no body fat the people in the commercials and ads and medical professionals are all going to just keep trying to "fix" something that can't be fixed because I have an autoimmune disorder.

I want so badly to feel comfortable in this body, but it isn't considered attractive or beautiful or even acceptable by society at large, so it makes it so difficult to really be okay with it.

I'm dysmorphic. This is what I look like in reality.

Even looking like this, doctors like to focus on my weight, so you can imagine what people far bigger than me have to deal with.

I wish we could just move on from this, but it doesn't look like we will anytime soon.

[lightvixxen]

Eddie munson x insecure!bestfriend!reader

A/n:This is purely self-indulgent bc I needed some comfort lolz, also major vent post and its kinda personal bc this is actual stuff from my own vents lol, but I just needed to write Eddie comfort and ik there’s some plus sized ppl who feel the same<3

Warnings: degrading language(not the fun kind), insecurity, reader calls themselves names in their diary, negative self-talk,reader willing gets into a toxic arrangement, fluff…so much fluff, best friends to lovers, small angst but its hurt/comfort, small mentions of violence, Eddie just wants to harm the ppl that hurt you.

Summary: Eddie reads ur diary and need to show just how fucking wrong u are abt yourself.

Eddie had been in your room countless times, though this time, he was on a fucking mission. He had managed to convince you to go downstairs alone to grab some drinks, and he prayed it kept you occupied long enough for him to snoop.

You had been down the past few days and he needed to know why, unfortunately for him, you kept your mouth shut on your feelings, opting to change the subject every time he asked. Luckily for him though, you wrote down everything in a small blue notebook. Eddie grabbed the notebook out of its hiding place, flipping through its pages, he knew this was an invasion of privacy but damn it he was worried, sue him.

He stopped, finally coming to the most recent page, which had everything he needed to know.

September 19, 1987.

So, I went back to him…and I know what your thinking “why would you go back to someone who uses you?!”

Eddie already knew who and what you were talking about, had spent countless nights staying up with you as you sobbed into his shoulder about the boy who would never return your feelings and played you consistently. And spent countless nights fighting the urge to grab a fucking bat to go kill the son of a bitch. But he reads on.

Well, I’ll tell you, it’s because its what I think I deserve. I’ve kinda accepted my fate to the “fuckable but not datable” Role of my life. After all no one wants a fat ugly whore hanging off their arm.

God- Eddie wanted to both punch and hug you, you were absolutely perfect and beautiful, words couldn’t describe how much he wanted you. How much he wanted you hanging off his arm, contrary to your belief- you weren’t ugly, sure you were bigger than all the other girls, but that just meant more to love! He wanted to worship every part of your body. To show you off, show all the fuckers who said those nasty things to you what they were missing. And for fucks sake, you saw yourself as a whore?! You barely slept with anyone, and the people you did sleep with you had known for years!

I just- I just want someone to actually care, want someone to tell me they love me and mean it.

Eddie loved you, He loved you so fucking much even he, himself couldn’t believe it. He looked at you with so much adoration and love it was unbelievable how oblivious you were to him.

Nobody wants a nerd, no one wants a plus sized- or well fat, Plus size is only for the pretty ones, that of which I am not. Also no one wants baggage, or someone who’s clingy if they say they do they’re lying. Or i would have someone, pretty sure no one in this school would touch me with a 10ft pole. Lol jealous of the people who are wanted.

The entry ends and Eddie wants to cry, he hated the fact you talked about yourself like that. He wanted everything about you, he was fucking crazy over you. He wished he could make you see yourself the way he saw you. Because fuck- you were a goddess to him. He worships the fucking ground you walk on. He wanted to take you out on sappy dates, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Not the way you’ve been treated by your exes, he hated how they treated you like a fucking toy.

Eddie heard your heavy footsteps bounding up the stairs, he didn’t bother putting your diary away. He was going to shoot his fucking shot because damn it if that’s how you’ve been feeling he wanted to show you how fucking wrong you were.

“Okay I finally got- Eds…what the fuck?!” You almost dropped the two cans, seeing your best friend with your diary. It’s obvious he had read it, so fucking obvious in the way he was staring at you.

Eddie didn’t say anything as he gently closed the notebook. Didn’t say anything as he slowly got up from your bed. You thought he was going to run out, tell you everything you had thought was true, that this was the end to your friendship with Eddie. Instead, he crossed the room, walking towards you and before you knew it he was pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

“E-Eddie?!” You squeaked, arms hanging loosely at your sides. “God- your so fucking stupid you know that?! You talk so fucking negatively about yourself, while your oblivious to the way I look at you!” You were stunned, you couldn’t tell if he was comforting you or not.

But he continued, “you’re so fucking beautiful, and pretty and so fucking amazing, I want you to be the one hanging off my arm. Fuck- sweetheart I want everything about you.” Your face fell, more than it already could. You had heard that phrase so many times, and it only landed you being stranded in your sheets.

“Eddie- c’mon don’t play like that.” You murmured, even with the way he was hugging you, you couldn’t believe someone could ever want you outside of sex. “I’m not fucking playing!” He pulled back from you, a firm grip on your shoulders, he wanted to shake you until you realized he was telling the truth. “Sweetheart, I love you genuinely, every time- every single fucking time, you mention someone hurt you, or someone used you. I’ve had to fight the urge to kill a motherfucker for making you think like that.”

Tears slowly well up in your eyes. You knew Eddie, he didn’t joke about that kind of shit. Not after what happened last year. “Sweetheart-“ Eddie wiped your tears, “you don’t know how much I love you, I worship the fucking ground you walk on, I’ve written stupid love songs about how much I want you.” His eyes are locked on yours, letting you know just how serious he is about this. “You literally consume my every thought, all I think about is what your doing, what you feel, The way you laugh, the way you smile-“ Eddie hugged you once again. “God if I knew that’s what you were feeling I would’ve told you this ages ago, but…I’m absolutely crazy about you.”

And with that he kissed you, it was slow, passionate, letting you know just how much he meant every word. Every-time you tried to make it heated, tried to deepen the kiss he would pull away. He wasn’t gonna let your stupid insecurities and thoughts ruin the image you have of him.

[thisisthinprivilege]

ANONYMOUS PLEASE <3 I’m at my wit’s end with my mother. I wanted to complain about her fatphobia, and I also wanted to you thank you for how reading here has helped me and my sisters. 

I’m a small fat in my 40s. I’ve been a bigger fat, and I’ve also been very, very skinny. I developed anorexia at about age 6 due to the usual issues one develops that from and was thinner than thin until I finally started to actually recover. I got very fat very quickly on the drugs I was put on, then dropped down in size to small fat once I stabilized and didn’t need them. No idea what my “comfortable” or “natural” size would have been without so much damage, but I’m going to guess “about this”, since it’s what I am when I’m neither restricting to the point of heart damage, nor on drugs that also made me sick in many other ways. For me, a comfortable size is the size I have when I’m not actively altering it in ways that hurt me, so I’m not going to question it.

My next younger sister, however, is a bigger fat, and pretty much always has been. In her 30s, she’s fat in a way that does restrict her clothing options and employment (she once told me that an interviewer had given her “feedback” on a job interview, and it was that she looked “sloppy”. She was wearing perfectly nice, clean, pressed, professional clothes- and expensive clothes of course, as that’s the rule for bigger clothes as we know. She was just fat in them.) Being “healthy” doesn’t really matter to this - and indeed if it did I wouldn’t have half of this rant - but she is. Fit and strong, great at physical things like endurance sports in a way I never have been. She is also perhaps the most self-aware and level-headed person I have ever met about stuff like this. When what people say bothers her, she will discuss her feelings and not try to hide them or their impact, but she will also deconstruct, and conclude that what the person has said is stupid. So it’s like she neither tries to pretend she’s immune to harm, nor allows others to be right in hurting her. 

And she eats exactly what she wants, and since we’re both autistic this also includes pickiness on sensory stuff - she doesn’t eat what she doesn’t want to, and does eat what she does. She was a great person to be around during my recovery, even though I never even mentioned to her at the time that I was in it (I didn’t tell anyone in my family about it until years later,) just because she made food such a non-issue. 

And our mother will not shut up about her size. Our mother is also fat, we’re a fat family, but my mother decided years ago that I am the one to make my sister “address her weight.” I literally left the country to get away from my family (not related to this specifically) and she STILL emails me about it. I don’t respond to those emails. I DO have lovely chats with my beloved sister on Skype though. 

I have tried all your scripts with my mom before - the team here have SO many great scripts that have worked wonderfully for me in other situations, like work or friend groups. I have told my mother I don’t agree, many times backed up with sources (sources thanks to you!) I have told her I’m not interested in the conversation and have hung up or walked away when she has persisted. I’ve called her out when she tries it on in public on multiple occasions. She will not stop. She is convinced that my extremely wonderful, fit and thriving, very happy sister is at death’s door. She’s also convinced that I, a person who has been repeatedly hospitalized for ED and the mental complications that caused it (which she now knows all about, and in fact did visit me in hospital the last time I was in, which was only a few years ago by the way) am the person to talk to her about it and make her see the error of her ways. My sister and I talk quite openly about this, and we’re both agreed our mother is full of shit and we’ll both be ignoring this. We both have also decided to persist in having a relationship with her, though with BIG boundaries around it. (Trust me, this fat bullshit is the thin edge of the wedge with her, and we’re both VERY exacting about when we will talk to her and what about. But we also both love our mother, and she’s the only parent we have.) The thing I’m most struggling with I think is that as I said, our mother is also fat. I actually feel some real sympathy here as I’m aware she’s clearly projecting her own issues on both of her daughters, but god is it mean. She couldn’t see how sick I was when I was skinny, even though I was very literally beginning to die (in fact, all she had to say to me was to mention my weight when I got fat) and she can’t see how happy my sister is in her life, because she’s fat so can’t possibly be happy, and she’s still, now, as perhaps some last gasp of control, attempting to make us fight each other over it. 

It hasn’t worked, thankfully, and it never will.

My mom has many other issues, I’m sure, but my god, it is sometimes quite astounding to look at what hell fatphobia hath wrought on my mom’s psyche and ideas of being a parent. I’m grateful my sister(s) and I instead read blogs like this so we’ll hopefully pass a lot less of this on. So I guess this rant is half a complaint and half a thanks. It’s been really helpful to be able to come here and read, for both of us (and our younger sisters as well, who we are steadily converting), to remind ourselves that mom’s wrong. My sister is fat and an exceptional person. I’m fat now too, and the world didn’t end (and in fact actually got a lot better.) Our mom is just plain fucking wrong.    Anyway, thank you. I know you’re not planning to be as active with new posts lately, but please know that you’ve been wonderful this whole time, and keeping your archives up is of immense help to at least this one group of sisters. It's been awesome to relay one of the younger ones to an older post from time to time (actually quite a few times!) Note: I wanted to tag ED as I do mention it but I don't see it in the list of tags under submission. I tagged "trigger warning", "Weightloss", and "food" to hopefully cover it. 

Apologies for the first post of this.

[kazooie]

Need to rant a little, sorry for jumping from topic to topic.

Something tall people don't think have to about is how fast gaining weight affects you when you're short, I'm 116kg, for an average height that wouldn't be bad at all, but I'm so obese I can't reach my own ass. Like even gaining one kilogram feels super noticeable and uncomfortable, it sucks!

I don't dislike being fat aesthetically, I actually think I'm cute as hell, but my god it only takes like 5kg to go from "fat but mobile" to "I can't walk without my back killing me and I need help bathing or its exhausting."

For the record I'm 4'11, and I feel like none of this would be such a big problem if I had easy access to mobility aids and help but I have to apply for these things first, and they often require me to do things I physically can't do, and they might still deny me the help I need, or atleast not be able to provide what I need.

A lot of the help and aids short, fat disabled people need just don't exist, they don't make things for short fat people, they make things for fat tall people. My walker, which has a seat on it, was the lowest one to the ground they had, the height is right, but I can't sit in it, I get stuck! And it's super embarrassing! So more often than not I just suffer until I find a bench, and I do mean I suffer, my sacrum(the weird bone a true end of your spine in your pelvis) has damage from my rheumatoid arthritis, on most days I can't stand for more than 10 minutes before it hurts too much, it's like bone grinding on bone. But in public I am so scared of ridicule from being seen getting stuck in my walker, that I just choose to suffer, which ends in me just not leaving the house in the first place because I can't handle the pain.

It's the same with plus size clothes, they're always too long, because they think being big also = being tall, I can't go clothes shopping because nothing fits and I don't have the means to modify clothes I buy, can't sew because of my rheumatoid arthritis, can't afford a tailor, etc. So I wear the same clothes every day until they wear out, which is once again humiliating when people notice there's holes in my clothes, or stains I couldn't get out.

Even underwear is a problem, I have to stretch new undies when I buy them because if I buy a bigger size they come up to my chest! It's more comfortable to buy a smaller size and stretch them out, but that means the elastic doesn't last as long and it's just frustrating and dumb.

Being fat is so incredibly difficult, and unfair, and humiliating, dehumanizing. Being short and fat is just even more difficult in some ways.

It's hard to have this conversation, because I'm sure I'm not alone in worrying that it sounds dismissive of average/tall fat people. This conversation should never mean "tall fat people have it easy", that is NOT what this is about. This is about the unique challenges short fat people face every day, I just don't see anyone talking about it ever and I feel like no one cares about us, even in fat positive communities, we either don't get to have our say about how some of our needs and problems are different and aren't being addressed, or we do have our say and get told by tall people "yeah well it's hard for us too!"

We know! We should be talking about it together.

[bakersgrief]

a/n: I can't draw it, at least not yet, so I decided to write it. Bear Juza! ...Mostly. Everyone is trans and jubantai gives you cavities, basically.

Everyone around Juza could see how they changed. They were becoming more comfortable and confident. Their effort and passion was helping them grow into one of the finest actors anybody knew, breathing life and love into their roles.

Those around Juza could also see they were healing. Juza wouldn't say they had ever been unhealthy, exactly, but it was obvious that they were becoming healthier and happier by the day.

The truth was, Juza had been hurt. They had been hurting for a long time, before joining Mankai. That was where the healing started. And soon, the growth.

It started with a bit of hair. Juza had hair in most of the usual places, but they noticed their chest seemed to be getting fuzzier lately. Over the course of a few weeks, the sparse chest hairs their teenage self possessed grew like a patch of ferns. Soft curls adorned their chest more thickly than before; curls that had trailed down their abs and stomach and up their back and shoulders. It was a little unnerving for them. Juza felt as if it contributed to their masculine, intimidating image. They were surprised by how much their partners seemed to like it.

Laying in bed, Taichi ran her slender fingers through the cloud of curls on Juza's chest.

"It's so soft and fluffy, Juza-san! I didn't think you could get even better for cuddling!" Taichi threw her arm over Juza's abdomen, snuggling closer into their side.

"Can't believe you ended up even more hairy than you were before. You were already gettin' a shadow by the time we went to bed," Banri mused from zir position on Juza's other side. Taichi agreed enthusiastically.

"Yeah," she chirped. "Now they get it at 4 o'clock! You're so cool, Juza-san!"

Juza felt reassured by his lovers' praise. It seemed a shame that their body was changing just as they had been becoming more comfortable in it. Oh well, that was life. (Or, "say-la-vee", as Homare-san would say.)

Time passed. People changed and grew. Perhaps it was fitting that Juza's body was changing now that their life had taken a turn for the better, as if puberty had decided to hold off on hitting them like a truck until they had learned to love their body and their self more than before.

But hair wasn't the end of it. Oh no. As time passed, Juza found the muscles they had gained from constant fights (and maintained from being an actor) were slowly being hidden under a layer of fat. Their body was growing bigger and softer, less hard ridges and more curves.

That was something they didn't dislike. A lot of people disliked having a pudgy tummy, but Juza was very happy with their new soft, squishy body.

"INCOMIIIIIIING!!!"

"Oof!"

Kumon had launched ximself into xer big brother's chest. Juza and Kumon would always be brothers. Regardless of the fact that neither were quite boys anymore.

Kumon squeezed xer big brother enthusiastically.

"You're so squishy, Nii-chan!!!" Xe hollered.

Even though they hated loud noises, Kumon's noises would never be a nuisance to Juza. Xe knew when they needed quiet.

"Thanks, Kumon." Juza chuckled, patting xer head.

Their mother could hardly believe the change her eldest had been through. There they were, on her doorstep. Completely changed from the lonely, angry teenage boy of two years ago.

She could barely keep the tears from falling as she wrapped them in a hug.

"Uh! ...Hi, mom."

"You look so good, baby! You've gained weight- that's so good..."

Juza smiled privately. They thought so, too.

"Hey, Ban-chan! Maybe we should start calling Juza-san Kuma-chan instead."

"Ha? Why would we do that?"

"Well, they're a bear now, right?!"

"Does it even count as a bear if they're not a man?"

"...I don't mind being a bear."

"Good!"

Taichi snuggled deeper into the space between her partners.

"You're our bear!"

Banri reached over and pinched one of Juza's love handles.

"Oi, keep it in the bedroom." They growled.

"Whatever." Ze retorted.

"You're lucky I'm happy being a little femme, otherwise I'd beat you out in the hair department."

"Bullshiiiiiit~" Taichi sang, giggling.

The three of them cuddled closer on the couch, another happy day drawing to a close in the Mankai dorms.

[vixenbydestroyboys]

very long nonsensical ramblings about dumb shit I've been thinking about a lot:

being in a relationship with someone who is deeply in their battle with @na while you slowly gain weight due to finally being able to get housing and stability is really a terrible feeling. my exs love for their eating disorder really was the beginning of our downfall I think, and the way that they talked about eating, and food, and bodies just was so hard to live with sometimes. Ive struggled with EDNOS for 10 years, and that's just as long as I've been diagnosed. I've exhibited 3D behavior for as long as I can remember, because my mom is an Orthorexic whos goal was to get me to lose weight as a toddler. but I've always been big, and I got with my ex at my smallest, and over COVID and getting out of homelessness and getting over a hard run with a lot of restriction, I gained a lot of weight quickly. but they dropped over half their weight in 6 months during that time. and the way they talked about everything changed. they used to say they didn't have a type, but then people asked what their type was, and they'd say "cute, stick thin, emo people" and then would say immediately that I was the exception. they went from seeing me as beautiful to seeing fat in general as scary and gross and hard to look at. they'd talk about how disgusting it was to be at their starting weight, when I was bigger than their starting weight. how disgusting the clothes that they used to wear were, as if I weren't wearing those same clothes. I know they were struggling. I know they still struggle. but it was hard. 3ds are a generally very competitive disorder, and all the sudden I had someone in my life do what I couldn't do , actually lose all the weight. because their genetics and body allowed that, along with their disorder. and then it drove them to resent me because I was a reminder that they were my size once. I wasn't upset because I was jealous though, because they were also actively hurting themselves in a big way. constantly passing out while we were out, even when they were driving. not eating at all for days at a time. fighting with me constantly if I tried to get them to eat anything at all. even just a price of candy or smth so they wouldn't be so dizzy. we think the reason they have POTS is because of their @na during this time. I would've been fine if they were at the weight they were if they got to it in a healthy way. but it changed everything about our entire lives. it's been years since we broke up, I'm happy in my relationship now, much happier than I've ever been. but we still talk borderline daily and it's still hard. the comments they make to make sure they get a jab in. or the overexageration of things. "oh I just binged, I'm disgusting" after we simply finish a meal and I ate more than them. saying they've gained so much weight and how disgusting their size is when we're going shopping knowing most stores don't even carry clothes that fit me right. it's exhausting. and at the end of the day, I know I'll never be their size. Ive been overweight literally since I was born. I'm disabled and unable to do things like cardio, so exercising can be hard. I don't count calories because I can't afford very good food and it just makes me panic, but I eat maybe 2 meals a day, and not full ones. I take the train and bus every day to work for 4 hours total. and I'm still overweight. I really don't know if I ever could be even a "normal" weight. I truly don't think that's possible for me. but even if I was their size, I'd still be upset. I can say with 100% certainty that I would still be upset if I was the tiny person I always have wanted to be. because it wouldn't change how @na changed everything. it wouldn't change what they did and said because of it. I'm not some fat ass who hates their ex cuz they're skinny. I'm a fat ass who hates what their exes obsession with being skinny did to our lives.

but yeah.

[tiefighter]

hey for my rounder/biggerbodied/overweight babes who're gonna go get chest surgery, let me give u some advice (I got ftm masculisation surgery, but aside from the shit about binders and removal this is also applicable to bbw trans women/nb people who are getting breast implants, afaik.)

1: don't go completely flat, it'll look so unnatural you'll wanna like, stab urself in the neck. Pectoral muscles have a natural curve, and I know the urge to go like NAH SON TOO MUCH is real high, but once you're healed you'll be grateful for the more natural look to your chest. I'm not saying get like, moobification surgery, just stress to your surgeon that you'd like a natural look. If you have a good surgeon, they'll be able to do it anyway/are way ahead of you. for mtf, you'll want something manageable/not too big! I know the urge when you're a bigger person is to go bigger to fill out tops/dresses, but trust me too much weight up there will DESTROY your back, please be kind to your spines. 2: recovery binders. Get one with fuckin shoulders, or if you can't find one with shoulders, get someone you know (or yourself) to sew shoulders into the thing. A really uncomfortable fact of having a belly/fat shoulders/back is that it /will/ fold your binder and it fucking hurts, and most of the time you need someone else to help you adjust over those first couple of weeks. and when I say it hurts, i mean it /hurts/, it'll compress tighter on your incision site and press the scar and it hurts like all fuck. (transwomen! your bras are supposed to fit flush against your body, if the middle of the cups is sitting away from your body or your band is too tight you're not in your size! get professionally fitted, I promise it sounds like bullshit but it'll save you so much money/pain in the long run.)

3: If your surgeon gives you the willies, and you have another option, dump them immediately. I did just that, and we only have two options on my side of the country (Australia!) Turns out, the surgeon I ended up with is the one that does all the corrections on the other person, and i would've met him anyway to get my chest fixed. 4: breast tissue does go all the way under your armpit. If a surgeon tells you it doesn't, and you just need to lose weight to get rid of it, they're fucking lying and also shit at their job.

5: I know the urge is to hide yourself away during healing and then, towards the end when you're like IM FINE you wanna go out and do things but let me tell you something if you've never had surgery before. You are gonna want that recovery time. you essentially got into a knife fight and fuckin lost. You're gonna be EXHAUSTED. you'll need someone to check up on you, and if you live alone and don't have anyone, look into medical assistance/nurses in your area who can come and help you with your binder if it's causing trouble.

6: My darlings. My sweethearts. My absolute fuckin superstars. Don't go fucking swimming/to the beach/soak in a bath until your surgeon says it's okay. If you get too much moisture in there, your skin will literally rot and fall off. Don't do it. Just don't. Behave, please. I know it's like, it won't happen to me but I SHOWERED too much and now I have a frankennipple. Don't be me. Don't franken your nipple.

7: be kind to yourself. Yeah, you're not skinny. yeah, a lot of androgynous/male oriented fashion relies on you being a skinny bitch. Let me be the first to tell you: boobas make hormones. You are losing those hormones, and your body is adjusting. you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. I swear to whatever nondenominational deity you want me to, you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. Let your hormones readjust, let yourself feel the relief. Wear a fucking dress if you want, top surgery won't take that away from you. for the ladies, wear whatever the fuck you want, we don't give a fuck, just make sure your new tatas are properly supported! You don't want them to drop or warp wrong, make sure to wear something that helps you with support. boobs over a certain size will naturally have weight to them, and that's totally fine! It's just if you're stretching your scars too much you're gonna give yourself some damage, find a trans woman who has had surgery similar to you, or talk to anyone who has had breast enlargement surgery. 8: if you have to work/go to school/etc after your surgery, set yourself time limits if it's a thing you're able to do. I know a lot of employers are grade a cockdolphins, and they're not gonna listen, so go and bleed on them if you have to. Do it. I don't give a fuck and neither should you. Being alive is better than being dead.

9: use the healing excuse to tell people who are bad for you/not good about your surgery/being cunts to fuck the fuck off. hey no can't see you, I'm healing. I don't care about your fuckin church study or your desire to look at the shiny new replaced nipples, get fucked. Cut them off like they're the tits you abandoned. They're excised skin. Biohazardous waste.

10: you're gonna be bored as fuck, please get something to do. lego/reading/watching tv/gaming/whatever you can do within your physical and mental power, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking the time to do things like this, and enjoying yourself. you just lost a knife fight you paid for. Be nice.

[astraltrickster]

Really though I'm confident in asserting that a massive chunk of online arguments over what kinds of jokes are "okay" to make and what features are "okay" to mock assholes for are caused mainly because the internet makes it harder to judge where private speech ends and public speech begins than ever before.

Like, it's always been difficult for people to differentiate between public and private language in the first place. In private, you can say a lot more Problematic(TM) shit without being an asshole than you can in public - it's one thing to make a fat joke about a public figure who's known for being fatphobic around a selected audience of people who KNOW that it's shorthand for their hypocrisy; it's entirely another to make the same joke on stage at a comedy club, even if your intent hasn't changed a bit, because the context is missing. As a disabled person, I mock Tr*mp for his own disabilities in private, because he's a fucking eugenicist fascist who brags about his "superior genes" and regards having anything in common with ME as a source of shame; even if he won't hear it, using his own standards against him even helps reinforce the awareness of how much bullshit they are rather than counter it, to myself and the audience that Gets why I say it. As a trans guy, I mock B*n Sh*piro for his height and high nasally voice, not because I think those are Bad features in their own right, but because Mr. "Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings/Biology Is The Nature Of The Pronoun/Real Men Are Just Bigger And Stronger It's Just Nature" DOES, fails to live up to his own standards, and is...very insecure about it, which he expresses in comically stupid ways.

But I will NEVER make these jokes where they can be taken out of context, because mixed audiences won't know that it's a hypocrisy joke, rather than a regular old "lol diapers" joke or a "hehe manlet man card REVOKED" joke, made because I personally think those things are Shameful and Bad. I'm not going to dispute the comic illustrating how those jokes about public figures end up hurting random other people WAY more than they affect their targets, because...it's true, if you don't keep them to a constrained audience who knows damned well what you mean.

Now enter the internet.

Many online things occupy this weird liminal space between public and private. Many, many things are TECHNICALLY public but expected to be functionally private - e.g., a post on a blog with 5 followers - but...you never know when something is going to amplify it way beyond where you expect. To compare it to a real life situation, it's like walking down a crowded street, speaking in your private lingo with a friend, when suddenly something happens to remind you that you're in public after all - which could be anything from some outside asshole overhearing, pulling you aside, and going "the FUCK did you just say!? Hey everyone! Get a load of what this asshole just said!" before you even have a chance to explain and now any explanation looks like a hastily cobbled-together excuse, to something as impersonal as having someone fly by with an infinite improbability drive and make the air suddenly amplify your words so that the entire city can hear them.

Of course, in physical space, these things are COMICALLY unlikely. Online, where things stay around until someone deletes them (and sometimes well beyond then), and most things are searchable, as more people encounter your online presence, the probability of this happening approaches 1 at a SIGNIFICANT rate.

But because social media is largely hostile to multi-level privacy controls in favor of trying to squeeze out more ad money by forcing everyone to use any given site the same way..."never say anything in a public post that you wouldn't want on the front page of the newspaper" is a good rule of thumb, but not always practical. People always end up developing an internal function of how public they perceive their words to be vs. how much they're willing to risk those words sounding really bad without additional context. Sometimes, if you see someone making an asshole joke, the only thing they did wrong was make a calculation error.

But sometimes they well and truly are being an asshole. It's impossible to tell which at a glance.

In short, I don't have a complete solution for this. I do recommend more personal websites, more bitchy cathartic SMALL group chats with like-minded people, and of course a little bit of caution about how your words are LIKELY to be misinterpreted out of context, whether against you or others.

[mouseratz]

To be fair respectfully, I think as someone who has been at both ends of the weight spectrum. It's great to just not shame body regardless, most petite people I see are probably just tired of infantilization because height lack of curves etc. it's a shame something basic like body positive, has to just mean over weight, you can be plus sized, smaller than others, or disabled. I thought body positivity was for anyone not seen as "passable." By society...

Maybe I have it twisted IDK.

I wasn't talking about body shaming, I was talking about systemic fatphobia those are two separate but related issues. (and I would say people with different than expected body types do face oppression and are absolutely part of body positivity- those with certain physical disabilities, for example, as you mentioned), and I also don't think body shaming period is Very Nice. but you have to realize when something is a direct specific insult that rightly hurts your feelings vs something that's a result of broader social & systemic issues (for fatness, fatphobia, for disability, ableism, and the two do tend to overlap, many people will assume the two go together and so do many of the negative stereotypes). someone being insecure about not being curvy is very different than someone finding themselves with poorer medical care because they're fat.

skinniness and thinness are also largely seen as passable by society, I would argue, even though individuals may insult you. it does not affect healthcare and careers and social life in the same way that the social perception of and morality assigned to fatness does. and in many cases, even, is considered the standard which all should aspire to- look at any number of celebrities and actors and fashion models. it's only recently that there's even been a remote attempt to include anyone but the incredibly thin, and even then, it's still not nearly enough. (And many of the curvy figures women are asked to look to......are still somewhat thin, just with a little more fat in places that aren't the stomach/abdomen.) and the bigger a body type is, the less you see of them represented generally, even within otherwise "inclusive" environments.

tldr; anon I appreciate you trying to be respectful but you do have it twisted. I think you just need to delve into some deeper reading or discussions on the topic to understand just how deep fatphobia goes. it isn't "just" insults or shaming, although there is an awful lot of that.

[strawberry-lemonade-kisses]

(1)

Warnings: Su1cide Ideation, Sui1cide attempt, self harm, swearing, depression, anxiety, mentions of blood, Crying.

Minors DNI

Intro, Masterlist, Next Part

Day 1

The ceilings were so high like you were in a cathedral. You looked over the expanse of the ceiling, wondering if you may see a depiction of one of the gods, or maybe a fat little cherub causing mischief among the people. There was nothing, just skylights, and wood paneling. You squinted, catching the early morning sun in your vision.

“Y/N” you sat up straight, ignoring the kink in your neck from sitting like an idiot. Your mother watched you carefully, eyes flicking to the bandages keeping your wrist covered before looking back at your face. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?” The night before had been exhausting, your throat sore from screaming so much, berating your parents, and blaming everyone but yourself for what had transpired in the privacy of the bathroom. You ended up at the hospital until 3 AM, being questioned endlessly about the blood and the mirage of cuts along your body. People were checking in, separating you from your parents, and asking about being hurt by someone else. No, you repeated time and time again, it was you. It was all you. 

“No, I’m just tired, ready to get this over with. They said I’d most likely be outpatient so we’ll do this interview and I’ll go home and take a nap” Your mom gave a pinched smile. The bags under her eyes were prevalent, the exhaustion sitting all over her face in a permanent frown. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and watery as she looked you over. Your dad sat silently on her other side staring ahead. He took the brunt of your anger the night before, after a emotional absence through your childhood you were angry, he wasn’t allowed to act like he cared now. You still hadn’t talked to him, choosing to keep a distance so you wouldn’t cause another unnecessary fight. 

“the Eto family?” your mother and father stood, looking anxiously as you stood and followed the stocky woman holding a clipboard. She was an older woman, speaking so fast that your exhausted mind was barely keeping up.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Gotouge, one of the leading doctors of Haven Hill. Haven Hill is a Mental health facility, we treat many different people from different backgrounds. We offer many different accommodations and treatments, from group therapy to alcohol-related diseases. We are mainly an inpatient facility but we do outpatient for our less severe cases. If you follow me we will proceed with the examination in this room.” She held open the door of a bland office, with only a desk and 5 chairs. There were no windows, not even a skylight. “We received the paperwork from Valley Hospital, we get a number of our patients from there, they are very good.” Your mom hummed an agreement, your father still silent. You evaluated the woman as you pulled up a chair alongside your mother, away from your father, and closest to the door. In and out, that’s all this was. “Y/N?” she eyed you, examining you. “Can you explain to me what happened last night?” The older woman looked on expectantly, waiting for an elaborate lie about what you had done. But the evidence was obvious, she already knew, you just had to confirm it.

“Last night I was having a panic attack, It was a bad one where I felt like I was going to pass out, so I decided to take a shower. Usually taking really hot showers helps me calm down. It didn’t help, I was still panicking. So, um.” You hesitated, looking at your mom for help. The tears had already welled up in her eyes knowing what you were going to say next. “So in order to get it to stop I broke a razor I had and used it to cut myself. It sometimes helps me refocus. But for some reason it made it worse, so I tried to cut deeper on my stomach, maybe something bigger would help. I don’t know. I was just trying to get the panic attack to stop, I just wanted the pain to stop.” The woman slid a box of tissues across the desk, placing them in front of your mother who sniffled loudly before muttering a thank you.  

“Continue please” You looked hesitantly at your mother, her nose shoved in a tissue as your father rubbed her back, soothing circles making a pattern.

“Right, so then I panicked because what did I do? I didn’t even check if I cut, I just threw clothes on and ran upstairs to my sister. There was blood running down my arm and my wrists so I showed her and asked for help. She called my parents and then after fighting with them and cooling off a bit, we went to Valley Hospital. They gave us the information for here.” The doctor was writing as you spoke, pen rushing feverously over the paper. She finally looked up as you finished. 

“Y/N. How long have you been self-harming?” 

“A couple weeks,” she wrote some more before turning to your parents.

“Did either of you know?” your mother finally looked up from the growing pile of tissues in front of her.

“Yes, She confessed 2 days ago at her birthday party. Before she would just tell us they were cat scratches, which is believable because her cat always scratches her.” The doctor nodded again, her pen scratching menacingly on the page. She was writing your fate on ugly beige paper without even a smile on her face.

“I have a few more questions for the two of you Mr and Mrs. Eto, if you could follow me out I would appreciate it.” She rose to her feet, guiding your parents to the hallway to talk. It seemed like they talked forever, you could watch paint dry by the time they walked back into the room. The solemn look on your parent's faces made you want to cry. This was your fault. If you had just tried a little harder to control your anxiety, tried to meditate more, and taken your medication at exactly the same time, maybe you would have been stable. Maybe you would have been normal. If you were normal and stable, then your parents wouldn’t cry and everything would be okay. But you would never be normal, you would never be okay. This was a disease, one you’ve fought since you were a child, one that has taken control of you for as long as you could remember. 

“Alright, let me consult some other staff members so we can decide on a treatment plan for Y/N here. I will be back as soon as I can” Without even sitting down Dr. Gotouge took her notebook and excused herself from the room.

“I’m sorry” You blurted the words before the door had even clicked shut. Your parents both looked at you. “I’m sorry I can’t control myself. I’m sorry for blaming you guys. I’m sorry I'm not normal. I’ll do better. I’m going to try even harder” The tears were unstoppable as you watched both of your parents cry alongside you. 

“You don’t- You don’t have to try harder. Your trying enough. I just, we just need you to talk to us more. If you have to spend time here to help you it's only a few days.” 

 “They said at the hospital I would be inpatient. It’ll be okay. I’m going to get better, I won’t let this happen again. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” You couldn’t help but apologize, seeing your mother who had been by your side your entire childhood, who did everything for you and sacrificed so much for you. Seeing her break down because of you had hurt much more than you thought it would. Your father was a stoic man, someone you had seen cry less than a handful of times and you don’t think you've ever seen him cry like this. It was a lot, overwhelming. Your mother held your hand tightly as she wiped at her face with her free hand. Your father reached over her to rest a hand on your shoulder.

“I know I wasn’t always here. I know I messed up a lot. But I’m going to change, I’m going to be here for you. I will do better, just focus on yourself and work on what you have to do. Alright? I’m proud of you and all the things you’ve overcome, don’t give up now Y/N, alright? We love you so much” The small speech from your father had your head dropping in shame. You had caused so much pain, there was no choice but to get better, control your anxiety, and control your depression. You had people who cared about you, who would go to bat for you and duel in your honor. You had to do it, for them. 

As everyone wiped their faces Dr. Gotouge came back, sitting elegantly in the chair across from you. 

“After a long discussion about treatment, we decided that it would be best for Y/N to remain with Haven Hill in our inpatient treatment center. We have a Teen unit one that is co-ed and then gendered units. Suicide attempts are serious matters and I feel that being with others who have gone through similar or different circumstances can be not only eye-opening but also very healing. Trauma bonding is a common way of healing and helping. We have many nurses on our staff that are here to help Y/N develop better coping skills to deal with her anxiety and depression. We need to develop healthier habits to cope instead of hurting ourselves. Mental health is just as serious as physical health and we would like to assist and help heal.” Your parents nodded, your mom's grip tightening around your hand. 

“yeah, we would like that. Just for a bit right?” 

“at most a week but we can’t legally hold her against her will past three days.” Dr. Gotouge smiled at you. “we’ll give you a bit to say goodbye then I’ll have my head nurse of our teen unit show you around, and take you to your room during your stay with us.” Dr. Gotouge stood again, seeing herself out of the room as you turned to your parents, eyes already watering again. 

“I’m going to get better, just wait” You gave them a watery smile, hugging your mom tightly.

“I love you, sweetheart, just get better” She smiled as you pulled back, moving to the side as your father stepped forwards 

“Get better little girl, you can do it. I love you. Your siblings love you. Just worry about yourself now” He was sniffling as he embraced you, trying to be strong for himself and your mother.

The hallways were bland as you walked through them, with white walls and white floors. It must have been a nightmare keeping them clean. 

“We're going to our teen unit which is right next to the children's unit. You may see the children but there will be little interaction with them, they do their own thing. Many patients we see here come from different backgrounds, some are here to escape a terrible home situation and others are here battling their own diseases and illnesses. Everyone should be returning from dinner right about now. Are you hungry?” You shook your head, the gurgling in your stomach wasn’t from hunger, it was anxiety. Being by yourself with a bunch of strangers. It was terrifying you didn’t even have clean clothes or pajamas to change into, having expected to be an outpatient. You finally looked at the nurse you were following, she was taller long dark braids falling just above her waistline. She had a nice smile as she led you through the winding corridors before stopping in front of a room and turning to you.

“This will be your room. In this unit, every patient has separate rooms with a bathroom. The bathroom doors get locked at lights out which is in another hour. Because it's your first day and dinner just ended there are no other activities for the day, I’ll show you the rec room where you’ll start your morning off and then I’ll let you do what you want.” Her smile never wavered as she talked before walking off, beckoning you to follow. It was just another right at the end of the hall of rooms, a large room with windows all along the wall, across from a nurse's station. They could see through the windows as much as you could see out of it. You shivered at the thought of being watched 24/7. “So this is the rec room where you’ll spend most of your time. Besides individual therapy and meals, you’ll be here. We have 8 other patients in the unit with you some have already gone to bed but you're more than welcome to relax here. Your parents will be dropping off clothes for you in the morning but we have scrubs for you to wear until then in your room.”

“Thank you, Is it okay if I go lay down? It’s been a long day” She nodded a look of sympathy overtaking her features. 

“Of course, I can imagine it's been emotionally exhausting for you. The door to your room doesn’t shut we have nurses come to check on you throughout the night in case of any problems, again I’m Nurse Jina don’t hesitate to ask anyone for help if needed. Sleep well Miss Y/N we will see you in the morning.” You wandered back down the hallway to the last room on the right, your new home for the next few days. It was scarcely furnished with a wooden twin-sized bed with the thinnest mattress pad you’ve ever seen, across from a large 6-cubby shelving unit. A wooden desk sat below a frosted window, a small pile of clothes folded neatly in the middle of the desk. Looking to your right there was a typical half bathroom, A sink, and a toilet. You weren’t expecting this much, did people bring stuff with them to decorate? Maybe some knick-knacks? Something to liven it up? Could you maybe get your parents to bring your large Sherpa blanket, the one that provided comfort from anywhere. Would they let you have it? Shaking your head at the thought you moved to change into the scrubs they gave you. The fabric was scratchy, and your hand immediately dropped the clothes back onto the desk as they felt the texture. Sandpaper, they were paper clothes, like sleeping on a blanket of paper. Knocking caught your attention as you turned around.

“Hi Y/N I’m bringing your bedding, have a good night” Placing a stack of fabric on the mattress Jina disappeared out of the room as quickly as she came. You didn’t hesitate to unfold the blanket and set up the pillow. Turning off the light and settling onto the mattress you laid back, finally unraveling for the day. It was the first time you had gotten a chance to yourself. The first time all day you had gotten to think over the events within the past week. Just two days ago you were surrounded by family and friends, celebrating the day of your birth sixteen years ago. The day had gone great until your stomach started turning, surrounded by so many people. The uncomfortable clenching of your chest and the way your breath picked up weren’t hard to mistake. The excitement had thrown you into a panic attack. It was during that panic attack you confessed to your mother about the wounds on your wrist. A muddled apology came out between your tears as she rocked you back and forth, reminding you to breathe with her. Then there was last night. The panic attack wouldn’t seem to stop. You’ve had multiple that lasted hours before, the most exhausting event t live through, and having daily panic attacks had been wearing you down. You couldn’t handle it, it just wouldn’t stop. But then you told your sister, panicked and she immediately sat you down in your room and left you with her boyfriend. He had explained about his own suicide attempt while you were just trying to figure out what was happening, and why it wouldn’t stop. Your breathing was still ragged, mind fuzzy as the panic and need to go became overwhelming. Then there was the fight, you couldn’t even think about it, the words you had said in anger, the hurt both of your parents displayed before your mother told you to leave. It was an exhausting 24 hours and you were glad to finally be able to sleep in peace.