#But I ended up posting it like an hour later
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2024 November 21st
INTO THE LAKE WITH YOU, MUD CHILD
My part of a retroactive art trade with @anxiousapplepie ! "Retroactive" because I was already drawing this before we agreed to make it part of a trade, heheh.
I read this post about their Role!Swap AU, and, like, multiverse shenanigans? Check. Characters goofing off and having fun? Check. Several opportunities for slapstick humor? Check. Conclusion: I really wanted to draw it. Physical comedy is my specialty. :p
This thing is kinda all over the place composition wise (looking at you, relative sizes of speech bubbles) because there is Too Much going on in these panels and I Did Not plan ahead of time, lmao. This was supposed to be doodlier than it ended up being, so as a growing pain it's a funny jumble of consistency. One of these days I'll be able to doodle without getting carried away. 😂
More rambling and close-ups under the cut
This interaction in particular is what nudged me over the edge to draw this whole thing. I don't know what Fighter Mirabelle's malfunction is when it comes to the Siffrins, but it lets me make Sif the butt of a joke again, so yeehaw! His hat being catapulted out of frame made me laugh when I was thinking of what to do with the composition-complicating hat in question.
Also my personal take is Siffrin is 100% having the time of their life here. Making new(?) friends? Being involved in a fun group activity? Well worth inhaling some puddle water and having to go jump in The Lake to wash the mud off later.
Bonnie being so furious they changed art styles wasn't in my original plan, but I'm so glad I thought of it on a whim because it made me laugh Every Time I looked at their face. 😂
Time taken on this whole thing was 42 hours and 50 minutes. AND. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS BAD. IF YOU KNOW I'M TRYING TO SPEED UP MY ART PROCESS. But this project gets a special pass. This was the farthest out of my art comfort zone I've been in a while! 13 (mostly) full-body characters at various complicated angles, 2 backgrounds, learning to use CSP's perspective rulers, effects I'm not used to like water splashes, etc etc. I made progress on speeding up sketching & line art as well! Some of the lines you see are just extremely cleaned up sketch. I was able to let myself fudge things more too. For example, Mira's dress is a very "dude just trust me" simplification because I don't know how the clothes folds would work at that angle. ^^;;
So while there's still a handful of things I'm not happy with, it's worth it for the learning experience and perfectionism-busting progress! Also for the sake of drawing silliness, of course.
Oh, lastly; the KO sprite is the one from in-game, so it was made by insertdisc5 and not me.
#in stars and time#isat#ISAT Role!Swap AU#isat bonnie#isat odile#isat isabeau#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#comic#fan art#2d art
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↳ DO YOU FEEL... BONITA? ⭑
𝓼ynopsis. in which you replace their chap-stick for a red lipstick. the question is: do they feel bonita? 𝓹airing. enha!member x female!reader. 𝓰enre. fluff, crack, kind of suggestive at jay's part, trendy. 𝔀arnings. curse words, mention of having a period, mentions of food, riki's kind of mean? , not proofread, english is not my 1st language. 𝔀𝓬. 2k+ 𝓶asterlist.
♡ 𝓪melie's 𝓷ote: this scenario ended up being super basic, i feel bad for you guys (๑-﹏-๑) i haven't been really active, so i wanted to post something decent, but... i don't know, you guys tell me if this one wasn't the greatest lol also, i wanted to share a new word i learned a few days ago: therefore! now you might even see this word being casually used on my writings ><
― 𝓱eeseung: suspects... a lot.
"babe, are you leaving already?" you pouted, watching him picking up his wallet and checking his phone; expecting a text from enha's group-chat. "yeah, i'm actually running late," he chuckled. "they arrived?! 'kay, a kiss for you miss, before i'm gone." he kisses your lips and heeseung notices your nose scrunched. "what?" seeing him frown, you decide it was the perfect chance for you to hand him your special chap-stick. "your lips are kind of crusty, here," you notice an even more confused face expression coming from him. "what do you mean... crusty?" "just apply it! it'll surely make it better!" you explain, making him sigh and finally apply the red lipstick all over his lips - making him look like a clown. "okay, can i go now, princess?" you nod and he smiles, giving you a small peck before finally leaving.
an hour later you heard the door being snapped open, and that's when you knew: heeseung learned about the lipstick. "y/n! why would you do this?!" a sudden shout echoed through the walls of your shared home. "heeseung? baby?" you appeared, coming out of the kitchen with a mischievous grin. "what happened?" you asked, holding a innocent voice. "what have you done to my lips, y/n?!" his face expression was a mix of embarrassment and worry. "what do you mean? you look-" you let out a stifled laugh. "fine! you look fine!" "baby, no way this" he points to his red stained lips. "looks fine! the boys started to laugh at me and i didn't know why! even riki made fun of me!" your boyfriend whined with embarrassment. "now i know why the waiter started to look at me with a funny face..." "i still think you look handsome with your red lips." "IT'S RED LIPSTICK?!"
long story short: heeseung couldn't trust when you gave him a chap-stick EVER. he always makes sure to check the colour of it and even learned a trick to double check it: by pulling you for a kiss. and what can i say... you may have been caught a few many times.
― 𝓳ongseong: couldn't care less.
you were brave enough to make your boyfriend apply chap-stick while going out on a date night with him. in the car you told him his lips were looking kind of dry, and knowing where and how this night could turn out, he immediately took the chap-stick you handed him, applying all over his lips ― with abundance, highlighting even more the red lipstick you purposely replaced. arriving at the front, jongseong handed the valet parking his car keys, entering the restaurant with you. when both of you walked into the place, the waitress who works at the front door couldn't stop staring at your boyfriend; and you swear that if he wasn't wearing such an scandalous colour of lipstick you would assume she was flirting with jongseong.
anyway, after some good wine and a delicious meal course, you were sat beside jongseong, half of your back was falling to his side ― close to his chest. meanwhile, his arm was hugging your shoulder while holding your right hand, a romantic and intimate position to stay. your boyfriend would place kisses onto your forehead. during this whole intimate moment, you decided to make him apply more lipstick since it was fading. however, after a few minutes, you realised he won't notice it, so you took matters to your own hands, pulling your phone from your purse and asking for a picture. agreeing, you opened the camera app, revealing his subtle red lips.
"what is this on my lips?" he gently touched his lips. "what do you mean?" you turned your head to look at him, pretending to be curious. "sweetheart, what have you done?" jongseong asks you with a small grin, dropping his head to the side, shooting you heart eyes. you chuckle, amused. "i didn't do anything," you shrug. "you may have kissed the waitress, she is wearing red lipstick." he laughs out loud, leading to a few confused sights laying on both of you. "this red lipstick might stain your lips soon..." he whispers against your lips. "i can't take you seriously right now!" you giggle and he smirks, amused.
― 𝓳aeyun: "your daddy feels bonita, layla"
jaeyun enjoys going out for a walk with his daughter: layla. and usually, both of you go out together, and this time couldn't be different. however, the only difference this time was your boyfriend's red stained lips. you told him, while walking, that you've been using this new chap-stick and commenting on how much your lips have looked and felt more hydrated ― even jaeyun agreed. therefore, you pulled the famous chap-stick out of your jean's pocket and handed him, making him a bit startle from the way you casually pulled it out of your pocket right after finishing talking about it. you noticed he pondered a bit before applying it all over his lips. you smiled while he was doing so, finding this situation amusingly cute. he smacked his lips together, commenting after a surprised hum: "it's actually good, i can already feel my lips hydrated!"
layla began to feel tired, so did you and jaeyun, so, spotting a bench nearby, you sat beside your boyfriend while layla sat on the floor. and if this couldn't get better, your little family stopped at a crowded park, so as people passed by, jaeyun couldn't be ignored. "babe, why's there so many people staring at me? even girls! don't they see i am taken?!" he complained while pouting, hugging your arm. "right baby?- why are you laughing?" he frowned, even more confused when he saw you taking a sneaky picture of him. suddenly, a kid shouts: "look, mum! a clown!" the mum stares at you, at your daughter and then at your boyfriend, and she were clearly holding herself and not burst out of laughter. layla begins to woof at the kid, and you say: "calm down, baby, your daddy feels bonita, layla." "what does this even means-"
minutes later he discovered what that meant. ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )
― 𝓼unghoon: he has a convenience store phobia now.
you were craving something sweet in the middle of the night since your period has started, so you asked you gently asked your boyfriend to go to the convenience store for you and buy you a sweet treat. sunghoon, feeling a bit upset, agreed, since he felt afraid you wouldn't be able to feel better soon. with that, he covered himself with warm coats as you told him so. however, before he left you told your boyfriend to apply some chap-stick ― telling him the cold weather could break his lips. he simply nodded, asking you to apply it for him and you did it perfectly ― since he were sweet for going to the convenience store for you under the cold weather and at night. you stole a kiss from him before he was gone, trying your best to quickly turn your face away from him because your lips might have been stained by the colour of his.
"i am never coming back to that convenience store ever again." "oh, hey, baby," "y/n, why does my lips look red?!" sunghoon questioned with terror. "what do you mean?" you dropped your head to the side, faking a confused feeling. "y/n, the cashier was looking at me funny and even an old lady was staring at me like i was crazy!" your boyfriend explained, holding two plastic bags full of your sweet treats. "and then, i could not notice them staring at me, so the moment i stepped out of that place i pulled my phone and checked myself and i saw this... i mean, there were many reasons why they could be staring at me, and usually is because i am handsome, not this!" he points to his face entirely. you giggled as you felt his desperation. "you are so cute, i love you, even with your red lipstick." you kiss him on the cheek. "i am killing myself." he says with the most serious face ever, plopping on the sofa. "well... more chocolates for me." you shrug.
― 𝓼unoo: silly lovers hehe.
you watched this trend of replacing chap-stick for lipstick go viral everywhere, so you decided to try it out with your boyfriend. so, when both of you were sat on the sofa, you asked him for a kiss, and when he gave you one, you scrunched your nose and commented: "your lips are dry, let me get you a chap-stick!" he frowned, knowing that his lip care routine is amazing. but anyway, he couldn't reply it to you since you were already gone picking up that chap-stick. you came back holding it in your hand and sitting back on the sofa. "okay, mind if i apply it?" you asked him that because the lipstick's stick is bright red and it was way too obvious. also! you knew about sunoo's lip care routine and knew he was already suspecting something. "okay, go ahead..."
after you applied it, you quickly closed the chap-stick's cap, however, sunoo saw the bright red colour peaking out for a few seconds, frowning before bursting out of laughter. "what was that?!" he asked between cute giggles and a big cheeky grin. "what?" you tried to hold a smile from spreading across your face, but a small giggle came out of you. "why was the chap-stick red?" "i-it's because it is cherry flavoured, dummy!" you explained, but sunoo side eyed you, not believing in it. therefore, he rubs his index finger over his bottom lip and confirms: it was indeed red lipstick. "y/n!" he amusingly screams your name, making you run across the whole living room, before he caught you and forces you to apply it too. sunoo might even take a picture of both of you just sharing his funny moment >_<.
― 𝓳ungwon: finds out alone because his qi is 200+
it was saturday and usually, when jungwon has some free time, he enjoys going out with you and spoil you ― since he could spend time with you, gifting you things and making you happy. however, you wanted to play with your boyfriend before leaving, so, you handed him your special chap-stick and told him that it was a brand you really liked ― and he made sure to note that. jungwon applied it innocently, not waiting for anything special. smacking his lips together, he held your hand and took his car keys, driving you to the mall. entering the air-conditioned surroundings, you told your boyfriend you wanted to go get some ice cream before visiting the stores ― just to see how the cashier would react; and their reaction couldn't be more accurate: discreet giggles and a smirk were noticeable.
"babe, why was that guy laughing at us? do i have something on my face?" poor baby, you wanted to tell him YES! straight ahead, but you knew this was way too good to give up. so you just shook your head, leaving the kitten with a question mark sat on his head. while walking past the mall stores, you remembered you were running out of skin care products. therefore, you went to sephora to buy them. but, during your search, jungwon was looking around the store when he came across an isle with lipsticks displayed. he frowned when the same chap-stick packaging he saw earlier was saying it was a red lipstick. suddenly, he felt someone nudging him, so he turned to see he was it. "looking at our red lipstick collections?" a lady who looked like she worked there asked, and jungwon's frown just deepened. "um... red?" "yes! looks like you are wearing it on your lips at the moment, isn't it great?"
"babe, do you think i should get this vanilla one or this- ... oh, you found out... heh..." "y/n!"
― 𝓻iki: when they go low, i go lower.
since riki was messing up with you regularly, you decided to have your sweet revenge by making him wear a beautiful red lipstick! so you replaced the chap-stick for a lipstick and before he went to practice, you told him it was cold outside and his lips might dry a little bit faster. even though you were the one applying it, riki was insisting it was fine before giving in and letting you do whatever. you made sure to make it pretty much uneven and smudged to mess up with him even more. you gave his cheek a little kiss before waving him goodbye. the last thing you know was that your boyfriend arrived home pissed off, saying that the boys were making fun of him during practice. and you might wonder: how he didn't notice since a practice room has a literal mirror wall?! because, you know how much riki likes his hoodies? so, his hoodie's hood was covering his face almost completely! however, he noticed a few minutes into practice after one of the members point out and he finally realises.
after that day, riki's mind have been trying to come out with a worse prank for weeks. he knew that you were going to hang out with your friends the next day, so he decided to, after you were fast asleep, he would sneakily draw and write ridiculous things on your face and somehow try to convince you that he could do your make-up. surprisingly, you woke up the next day in a good mood and already forgetting about that prank you did with your boyfriend, you accepted it ― and of course he pretended to do it. when you left to hang out with your friends, not even five minutes passed by and you were already texting riki, saying that you were going to kill him ― and even sending a picture of your face, texting a hundred question marks.
riki were only forgiven because he got your favourite food that day, otherwise... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
© 𝓪𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝓮, 𝗺𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗮 𝗌𝓽𝓾𝖽𝗂𝗈𝓼. ⋆
#𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 ― ot7#enhypen x reader#enhypen writers#enhypen imagines#enha imagines#enhypen headcanons#enhypen scenarios#enhypen reactions#sunghoon headcanons#heeseung x reader#jongseong x reader#jay x reader#jaeyun x reader#jake x reader#sunghoon x reader#sunoo x reader#jungwon x reader#niki x reader#riki x reader#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon fanfiction#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon reactions#enhypen x female reader#heeseung scenarios#heeseung headcanons#jaeyun scenarios#jake scenarios#jake headcanons#jaeyun headcanons
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James: Two Men Bound as One
(For @sivfenrir)
(Original story posted March 23rd 2022 & April 16th 2022) This story has been mildly Updated
Long Story Here!! This story was originally posted in two parts but I’ve put them together in one post for your reading convenience! That said this is one of the longest stories I ever wrote so I hope you all enjoy!
(Part 1)
Seth, a youthful man in his 20’s, had just gotten home after another not so pleasant trip to his local gym. Not being able to get through a single workout without being loosely threatened and called homophobic slurs. As always he had Bradley to thank for that.
All his life Seth had been skinny as could be and usually found himself picked on by the bigger guys back in his school years. Of course now, being an adult, he was free of such torment. For the most part anyway. Whenever he ever tried going to his local gym to exercise and get into shape, the jocks and gymbro’s there would always give him a hard time. Saying how they didn’t want scrawny nerds slowing down their workouts by taking up the equipment. Of course not all the dudes in there were like this but there were enough for it to put Seth off wanting to go.
Today though, Seth decided to try his luck again in the hopes he’d get a decent workout in peace. The moment he saw Bradley from across the room however, he knew that wasn’t likely. Bradley would always make it his personal mission to make going to the gym absolute hell for any “geeks” or “nerds” that he saw. He saw the gym as a place only made for alpha bros like himself and hot chicks. With his small and meek build, Seth certainly didn’t fit either of those categories. It also didn’t help that Bradley was one of his former high school bullies…
Despite this Seth decided to put on a brave face before walking over to some equipment and starting his workout. Of course he only got about 10 minutes in before he was spotted by Bradley. The crude jock began to tease him relentlessly, telling him to get off whatever machine he was using so a “real man” could workout instead.
Surprisingly though, Seth stood up to Bradley somewhat. Usually he wouldn’t dare, preferring to shrink into himself and bend to the bully’s will. But today he managed to find an ember of courage burning inside of him. He took a breath before finally putting his foot down and telling Bradly he wasn’t gonna get off until he was finished.
Naturally Bradley didn’t take kindly to this lanky nerd speaking to him like that. He continued to more or less insult and bully Seth throughout the rest of his workout. And just when Seth didn’t think it could get any worse, as soon as he left to head home, Bradley cornered him outside of the gym and punched him hard in the gut. The jock spat on Seth, telling him to learn his place.
As Seth was left on the ground clutching his stomach in pain, he couldn’t help but have mixed emotions. Of course he hated what Bradley did to him. The constant pushing around and name calling amongst other things… but at the same time he felt sort of aroused by it all too. He’d always had a thing for big muscly men, especially jocks, and Bradley fit the bill perfectly. He wanted to hate Bradley but he always seemed to end up in bed jerking off to the bully instead.
Besides he knew Bradley wasn’t quite as impressive as he seemed in terms of having his life together. He had a shitty handyman job that didn’t pay a whole lot as well as a part time job as a personal trainer. Seth on the other hand was working his way towards a programming job that would pay quite a fair amount. More than Bradley would ever be earning anyway. That thought always gave him some peace of mind.
Later that evening, after a slightly painful walk home, Seth ended up playing a couple hours of DnD with his other “nerdy fag friends” as Bradley and the other straight jocks would call them. It wasn’t until midnight that they finally got to a point where they could pause the game for the night. Most of his friends went to bed after that, leaving the group call they’d been on. Seth on the other hand decided to stay up awhile longer.
He’d been searching up a bunch of gay porn and stuff when he got sidetracked and started looking at sex toys online. He’d always thought about buying some. And so he scrolled through a bunch of different sites and toys until one finally caught his eye.
At first glance they seemed like an ordinary pair of bondage handcuffs. That is until he read the description. Apparently they were called ‘merging cuffs’. It claimed that if two people were to cuff themselves together then they would merge into one person! Of course Seth didn’t believe it one bit but the idea of it certainly piqued his interest. And his boner. The cuffs were also super cheap so he just shrugged and purchased them right then and there on a whim. Why the hell not right?
It couldn’t have been more than a minute after buying those cuffs that Seth heard a knock at the front door. But it was past 1:30 in the morning?! Who the hell would be delivering mail at this time? Regardless, curiosity got the better of him as he pulled his pants back on before sneaking out of his room. He was careful not to wake his mother who was asleep in her room as he approached the door.
He quietly opened the front door, not sure what or who to expect. What greeted him was a tiny wrapped gift box sitting on the door mat. Whoever left it there was nowhere to be seen now. Seth reached down and picked up the peculiar box to find that it was in fact addressed to him. Now even more curious he closed the door before taking the box back up to his bedroom.
After plopping himself down on his bed, he opened the box to find what was inside. Only he was shocked to find the very same pair of handcuffs he’d just ordered on the web! But how!? It didn’t make sense!? Seth inspected the box a little before pulling out the cuffs. Yep, definitely the same ones he ordered. He hardly knew what to think at this point. Despite that he couldn’t help but notice a small instruction letter at the bottom of the box too. Seth pulled it out before reading the following…
~~~
These handcuffs will allow two individuals to become one entirely new entity.
It’s as simple as putting one cuff on person A and the other cuff on person B. When they become one they will for all intents and purposes become an entirely new being made up of the qualities from their two counterparts. Once Person C is created, reality will adjust to compensate for their existence and the absence of their former selves. The only people recorded to still be somewhat aware of the previous reality have been parents to the original Person A & B. Besides that nobody is likely to be aware of the merger that has taken place.
These handcuffs are also only good for ONE USE. You can choose to split at any time but after that you will not be able to use the cuffs to merge again. To split you must break the two metal bands created by the cuffs after the merge is complete. You must also be willing to split for this to work. If the metal bands are somehow to be broken and Person C does not wish to split back into A & B then the merge will become PERMANENT.
With all this in mind, use these handcuffs wisely and with a sound mind.
~~~
Seth’s heartbeat was soaring after reading all that. Sure he hadn’t believed it before but now he wasn’t so sure anymore. He couldn’t fathom how the hell this package got here as fast as it did. That said he started to question if maybe these things could be the real deal after all…
— The Next Morning —
After jumping out of bed and getting ready for the day, Seth threw on a baggy pair of shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt to match before heading off to the gym once again. He was sure to grab the cuffs just before he left. Stuffing them into his bag before setting out.
Upon stepping through the doors he could already hear the grunting of men lifting weights and growing bigger. Music to his ears. He’d chosen this specific time for a reason however because he knew (after some social media stalking) that every Tuesday at about 9:30am, Bradley would be at the gym without fail.
Turning the corner past reception, he saw that his assumption was absolutely correct. Across the gym floor he could see Bradley already warming up. With that in mind he entered quietly, choosing some equipment as far away from Bradley as possible. Of course this only worked for so long until the meathead finally noticed him.
From there it was just like every other time the two had been at the gym together. Seth getting teased and pushed around whenever Bradley had a break between sets. He managed to hold out and endure it though. Rolling with insults until Bradley eventually finished his routine and sauntered off into the locker room. Seth waited a solid minute or two before following him.
Seth hesitantly snuck around the locker room in search of the muscle bound hunk who’d been tormenting him. The room wasn’t all that big so it didn’t take that long for the nerd to spot Bradley standing by an open locker grabbing a towel and some shower gel. He must’ve been getting ready to have a quick rinse off in the showers. Lord knew Seth was tempted to see if he could catch a glimpse of Bradley’s nude body. Just the thought of seeing water cascade down the perky muscle ass was enough to make him wanna bust a nut on the spot. Yet somehow his urge to try out the mysterious handcuffs was even stronger.
Seth pulled the handcuffs out of his bag. He looked down at them before glancing up at the jock before him again. He still wasn’t sure if these things would work. Worst case scenario, they don’t do anything and he probably gets punched in the face. But if somehow they did work then… it’d be worth the risk.
Seth waited until Bradley was facing the other to put one cuff on himself and begin to tip-toe towards the man. His small size allowed him to be fast while remaining as quiet as a mouse. Despite that his heart was still pounding both with worry and excitement as he inched closer to the jock. He could smell that sweaty post workout scent filling his nostrils already. He even watched as the hunk kicked off his trainers and bent down to pull off his ankle socks before tossing them in the locker. Bradley was about to pull off his tank top next when he felt a cold metal bracelet smack against his wrist and snap shut.
“THE FUCK ARE…” The gym bro stopped short as he saw the small man who’d just slapped a single handcuff on him. Seth felt as though his heart were about to explode out of his chest as the man looked down at him with pure disgust.
“Oh. It's you.” Bradley spat, already clenching his fists. “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing but yo—” He was cut off by a sudden jolt of energy that ruptured through his body! Seth felt it too! It seemed as though it came directly from the handcuffs.
Both men looked down at the metal cuffs bonding them together as they began to emit a strange glow. The glow started to intensify and before either of them could say another word, Bradley and Seth began losing control of themselves. Their bodies began to shake and convulse uncontrollably as the magical glow encased them as well. Bradley could only curse and shout as he had no clue what the hell was happening. Seth on the other hand had a wide grin, both of wonder and relief that these merging cuffs might actually be working!
The light around them only continued to grow as suddenly Seth and Bradley bodies forcefully pulled together like magnets as if some invisible force was binding them. Seth could feel Bradley’s muscle jiggling against him as they convulsed, loving the fact that he was just tall enough for his face to be pressed into the massive hunks pecs. God it was like he was having a wet dream! And he was gonna become a part of this huge meathead?!?! Fuck! He just couldn’t wait!
Just then the magical glow engulfed them completely. The last thing either of them felt was the strangely blissful sensation of sinking inside one another. Their bodies melding into one before blacking out…
———
A new man’s eyes would soon flutter open. He was sprawled out on the floor of the locker room staring up at the ceiling. He felt odd. Unfamiliar? But also not?… he couldn’t even explain it.
He began to sit up slowly, placing a hand on his head as he glanced towards the open locker beside him. His locker? Yet even the way his body moved felt odd and confusing. Like it was completely new yet had always been this way simultaneously.
“I… can’t believe it…” He muttered to himself in astonishment as he looked down at his hands and body. He was massive yet that didn’t seem to come as much of a surprise. He flexed an arm, feeling his biceps bulge. It felt so natural and so exhilarating at the same time. Surreal was probably the best way to describe it. “It… worked?…” He said, half confused.
With a breath, the new man stood up and was able to walk himself over to a mirror nearby and sink to get a proper look at himself. His eyes widened at the sight that stared back at him.
“I’m… I’m a… fucking nerd-hunk!” It was like he wanted to say two completely different things simultaneously. He looked like a nerd… but he looked like a hunk. But hadn’t he always been a nerd… or a hunk? Everything was so confusing. So muddled. So warped together. The man could hardly think properly.
As he inspected his reflection further, the man could see Seth’s nerdy features but it was as though they’d been ‘jockified’ in a sense. He was wearing Seth’s glasses too yet Bradley’s backwards cap also sat on top of his head. His clothes looked to be the same as Bradley’s gym gear yet the colour scheme had changed to fit that of Seth’s. And his body… It was enormous! So many years of hard work and dedication put in by Bradley yet certain features like his birthmark, body hair and more were distinctive of Seth.
Seth and Bradley. Bradley and Seth. He could see both of them staring back at him. He was also both of them and neither at the same time. Two bodies. Two minds. Two sets of memories. All of them combined into one single person. That’s who he was. And as his brain began to sort through its muddled memories, he quickly remembered how he came to be. Those handcuffs. Seth had used them to merge himself with Bradley and the result of that was the man looking back at him in the mirror.
The new man took another breath, longer and deeper this time as he tried to collect himself. Who was he? He wasn’t Seth and he wasn’t Bradley. He was a whole new person made from the sum of his parts. He felt and thought a lot of the same things they did yet he felt also completely new. As if he’d only just been born in a way.
That in mind he had to come up with a new name right? Just picking either Seth or Bradley didn’t feel right though. Saying Seth’s name out loud made him want to start throwing out homophobic slurs. Meanwhile saying Bradley’s out loud made him weirdly horny like he wanted to start jerking off to other gym bros and their huge bodies. But it still felt wrong. Like the two sides of himself were arguing inside his mind. So perhaps a whole new one would be better? He thought about it for a moment until finally a name sprung out at him.
James!
Yeah. He liked that. Not too similar to either of his old names and it had a nice ring to it. He couldn’t feel any conflict between his two halves at the name so that’s what he decided to lock in.
It was then that he took notice of the two metal bracelets on each of his wrists. He remembered the note Seth had read mentioning that’s what the handcuffs would become post merge. They emitted another faint glow for a second before settling again. Weird. He would’ve been more curious about it if he wasn’t so distracted by his new form.
James began to stroke strong stubble on his face. An interesting feeling since Seth was always relatively smooth. He scratched through it a little before running his calloused hands across every little detail on his face. It was like the perfect mix and match of facial features in the most handsome way possible. Mostly picking out Seth’s features as a base and then using Bradley’s to emphasise them in a masculine jockish way.
Of course his hands then couldn’t help but wander down his body. It didn’t take long for him to start grasping at the huge watermelons sized pecs sitting on his chest. Fuck he was jacked. He did a double bicep pose into the mirror that only served to make him look even more massive. James could only watch and smirk as his arms bulged with size. His nerdy half was beyond excited. Adoring the feel of all this powerful muscle mass that it had been yearning for all these years. So much so that James’ cock began to stiffen in his shorts. His jock half was also enjoying it but for a completely different, much more narcissistic, reason. Loving to see how this form was even bigger and more of a stud than even Bradley’s former body.
After a little more squeezing and groping of his new form, James couldn’t help but want to whip out his new combined cock. He gingerly tugged at the waistband of his shorts before slowly sliding them down until his dick jumped forward. By god was it massive. It seemed as though his counterparts cock sizes had also merged to become a much bigger whole. Seth’s cock had sat at a respectable 5 inches hard while Bradley had been rocking a 6 and a half incher. James however put them both to shame with an impressive 9 inch monster with the kind of thickness that would make any man or woman’s eyes water.
“Fuuuuuuuck…” The fused man grunted with a prideful smirk. “I could have so many hot dudes slobbering over this thing.” James chuckled as he gripped the thick appendage, sending shivers up his spine. His mind filled with images of sexy buff jocks getting their ass holes resized by his cock. That is until a conflicting thought crossed his mind.
“Wait no-I’m… I’m not a fag!?!” He questioned abruptly as Bradley’s influence shone through a little. Just then the images of muscular men in his mind transformed into hot busty women. His previous thoughts about cock and ass shifting to that of tits and pussy instead. His monster cock pulsed even harder at the idea of burying himself inside a hot babe. “Nahhhh bro. I fuckin love pussy!!” He exclaimed.
And yet his mind boomeranged once more.
“But then again…” his thoughts drifted back to the idea of eating out the hole of one of his bros at the gym before thrusting his cock into a plump jock butt. James’ mind continued to play a horny game of ping pong as it bounced back and forth between extremely gay and super straight thoughts, lightly jerking his cock throughout the conflict.
“Cock… Pussy… Pecs… Tits…” He murmured to himself as his cock started to drool precum.
James was only snapped out of this cycle when he heard some other dudes opening the locker room door. He’d completely forgotten he was in a public space! He quickly tried tucking his cock away into his shorts again, struggling to hide his obscene bulge in the process. Though he wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped before another jock turned the corner and saw him. It was one of Bradley’s gym buddies, Sam.
“Yo Jay! I thought you said you were getting a shower. You got a hot chick hiding in here somewhere?” Sam teased with a chuckle upon seeing the bulge, looking around and behind James as a joke. What struck James as odd though was the fact that the smaller jock somehow knew the name he’d come up for himself mere moments prior. Or at least an abbreviation of it that his jock half rather enjoyed. He knew reality should’ve shifted after he came into existence but he came up with that name after the shift right? Just then his mind snapped back to when he thought up the name. The metal bands on his wrists. They glowed a little when he decided on it. Perhaps that was them adding his new name to the reality alter or something? It seemed plausible but his train of thought was lost as Sam continued. “Or a dude maybe? I know you’re into that as well.” His apparent bro added.
“Oh umm… Nah bro just excited to see my uhhh… progress…” James lied with an awkward smirk. What else could he really say?
“Well I love seeing my results as well…” Sam turned to the mirror, giving a flex of his own. “But I don’t go around getting boners because of it.” He laughed.
James couldn’t help but lock his gaze onto Sam’s arms. He thought about kissing those biceps before making out with that scruffy dumb jock face of his. His Seth side had clearly harboured a huge crush on Sam as well.
“But you do you man, I don’t judge.” The other jock finished before patting James on the shoulder and walking away towards his own locker. As he did James couldn’t help but turn and get a quick look at his bro’s ass in those shorts.
‘He’s definitely been training his glutes a lot recently…’ James thought to himself, his dick jumping a bit in his own shorts at the thought of getting his hands on that ass. Smacking and fucking it. However his inner thoughts began to conflict again. ‘Nah Sam is just a bro! Bros don’t fuck bros!? Bros talk about hot chicks together!’ He then remembered a time where Bradley had seen one of the other female personal trainers wearing quite the revealing outfit one day. His cock began leaking precum once again as he remembered wanting to shove his dick between her huge tits while he kept stealing glances at her heart shaped ass. But just then, like getting horny whiplash at this point, his mind darted back to a time when Seth had seen one of the male personal trainers checking himself out in the gym mirrors after a pump. He was basically drooling as he watched the man bounce his pecs a little, wishing that he could shove his dick between those huge mounds of muscle.
Seeing the memories side by side however helped James realise something. Despite one experience being gay and the other straight, they were both extremely similar. So much so that you could switch it by having Seth be the one ogling at the woman’s tits and Bradley gushing over the man’s pecs and almost nothing would change. It was more or less the same experience. Perhaps his two halves were more alike in that regard than they originally thought…
James was suddenly snapped back to reality at the sound of Sam shutting his locker. “Well I’ll leave you to get back to…” he glanced down at James’ still slightly visible bulge. “Whatever you were doing before I guess.” And with that grabbed his stuff and left James alone in the locker room once more. He looked over at his towel along with the shower gel sitting on the bench. He still kinda smelled like sweat from Bradley’s workout. Though at this point he just wanted to have an excuse to get naked.
The grey tank top soon found itself being tossed inside the locker alongside Bradley’s trainers and ankle socks, swiftly followed by the pair of black shorts James had been wearing. Then after shutting the locker, grabbing his towel and shower gel, James sauntered off towards the showers in all his huge muscular glory. Good thing they had shower cubicles because there was no way he was gonna be able to hide his massive erect cock now.
Upon twisting the handle the shower burst to life. It soon warmed itself up. James stepped under the refreshing water flow with a deep sigh. He let the water run over him calmly for a moment before getting down to business. Grabbing and groping at his body once again but with much more lust this time around. Feeling the weight of his pecs, the size of his arms, the heftiness of his thighs and the thickness of his ass. It wasn’t long before he’d gotten some gel on his hands and began rubbing it all over his hulking form. Making sure to rub the soap into every crevasse he could find and loving every second of it.
The gay part of him couldn’t help allowing one hand to linger excessively long around his ass. Squeezing and kneading each of his cheeks before eventually sliding a finger between them and towards his asshole. But before he could try and enter it, the straight part of him forced his hole and asscheeks to clench tightly shut so nothing could penetrate it. The feeling to both desire and fight against something simultaneously was an odd one to say the least.
Eventually he stood back under the water fully to rinse off any remaining soap. As he did his thick python of a cock continued to buck and bounce at full mast as if it were begging for release. Naturally James was willing enough to oblige it.
James took a strong grip on his fat member before starting to pump. As he did he tried to think of anything that would get him going. Of course his own body was one thing. So huge and fuckin powerful. He could dominate anyone! He couldn’t help but imagine pressing one of his gym bro’s down onto his back before sliding his cock deep inside his ass, pounding away and dominating him in every sense. His balls were already churning with cum at the thought when his brain began to drift elsewhere again.
Now Imagining himself between the legs of one of those personal trainer babes at the gym. Eating out her pussy and tasting her delicious pussy juice before getting her to give him a tit job and busting a nut all over her face and breasts.
Then he jumps back to the guy he’d been pounding now giving him a sloppy blowjob. James’ hand on the back of his head pushing him as far down as he’ll go. He could practically hear the imaginary man gagging on his massive length.
Just then however, his two visions began merging into one. Both transforming into a single horny day dream.
He was now imagining himself in a threesome. The babe presented him with her wet eager pussy while the hunk presented his tight hungry hole. James was spoiled for choice. He wanted both! He loved both! Soon enough he imagined himself constantly swapping between the two. Pounding her pussy then pounding his hole then back to her pussy again. Going back and forth again and again until he nutted inside one.
By this point James was jerking his cock furiously to the mixed horny thoughts running through head. It was then that the bracelets that he’d left on until now began to glow once again. Suddenly his balls felt even fatter and fuller than they were before but at this point James was too horny to stop and ask why. At this point all he wanted was to explode! His eyes began to roll back as ecstasy overtook his body. His cock and balls started to tense up as his hand continued stroking like his life depended on it. He could feel it! He was gonna blow!!
“OOOOAAHHHHH FFUUUUUUCKKK!” James roared with extreme intensity followed by a massive rope of cum blasting from his cock. With it taking all of Bradley’s homophobic ideals and splattering them across the cubicle wall in a sticky mess. Finally releasing the one roadblock that’d been stopping James’ two sexualities from merging into a healthy Bisexual.
Then, as his cock released another tiny splutter cum, he also let go of Seth’s lack of vanity allowing him to become 100% confident in showing off his new and improved body. After that James was surprised when his cock suddenly shot another powerful rope at the cubicle wall, purging any desire to bully others by belittling them as Bradley had done so many times before. This was then followed by James’ hung appendage twitching again and letting out yet another modest cumshot. This one took with it Seth’s meek and shy nature, leaving behind only that of Bradley’s confident and extroverted one. It was only after his body had ejaculated all the qualities necessary to create the best version of James possible was his cock finally able to stop shooting load after load.
James fell to his knees then backwards onto his ass in exhaustion. He watched as his cum and ejected traits were washed down the shower drain with a faint smile on his face. There were simply no words to describe how incredible he felt. Just that he felt whole now. His two halves had finally stopped fighting against each over and have unified as one, leaving his mind feeling the clearest it'd been since the merge.
“Hey dude. You alright in there?” Came the echoing voice of another gym goer from just outside James’ shower cubicle. “I heard some noises from out there.”
He jumped back up to his feet in surprise. “Y-yeah! I’m good bro. Just slipped, but I’m good!” He shouted back, lying through his teeth as he glanced at some of his thick cum still dripping down the wall. The guy on the other side seemed a tad suspicious due to James’ tone but didn’t think anything of it and left back into the main locker room. Moments after, once he’d cleaned/licked up all the cum leftover inside the cubicle, James left with a towel wrapped around his waist as he made his way back to his locker.
Before long the merged nerdy jock had dressed himself in the spare set of clothes Bradley had in the locker. They felt tight on his body, not that it was a problem. He just loved the way his pecs stretched the t-shirt and how his thighs and ass strained inside the shorts. Wasting no more time though, James’ pulled on the leftover ankle socks and trainers before grabbing his gym bag and heading out of the locker room.
As he crossed the gym floor, James could feel the eyes of both horny and jealous people watching him and his body. And he got off on it like hell. Though just as he reached the reception he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Turning around he saw none other than the exact same female PT that Bradley had the hots for. His eyes almost immediately gave her a once over, inspecting her curves and cleavage shown off in the well fitting tights and sports bra.
“Heeyyy James. Are we still on for Friday night?” She asked with a devious smirk as she eyed him up just the same as he had. Looking over his bulging muscles and meaty pecs. It was then James recalled a recent memory of Bradley going on a date with her the night before. It must’ve gone well since she gave some heavy suggestions on what she wanted to do with him next time.
“Of course! Couldn’t be more excited.” James replied in a cocky but cheery tone.
“Glad to hear it.” She said, taking a step forward before reaching down, gingerly grasping at his bulge. “I can already tell we’re gonna have so much fun.” She giggled while rubbing his thick package before letting go with a wink. James grinned as he watched her turn and walk back towards some gym equipment to finish her routine, not being able to help watching her ass for a moment before turning around himself and heading out the gym exit.
James stepped out into the world, now with a semi-boner once again, and took his first deep breath of fresh air. Man did it feel good. He only had a couple seconds to enjoy the moment however as he felt the buzz of a phone from inside his gym bag. Opening the bag up he pulled out a familiar phone and saw a Grindr notification. He knew for a fact that Bradley never had Grindr but then again since reality changed this was no longer Bradley’s phone. It was James’.
Tapping the notification and unlocking the phone then took him to a chat this guy had started with him.
— Holy fuck! And I thought I was getting big hahaha. You’re fucking huge man! I would do anything just to feel those massive arms and that sexy chest! 😍 —
Well he was certainly straight forward. James went and gave his profile another quick look. They were about the same age and the guy looked to be a lean jock type. Soccer player by the looks of it. He had short brown hair with a bit of scruff on his face and some cute handsome features. The dude was definitely hot, he’d give him that. James half-hard dick even twitched again when he saw a photo of the guy wearing nothing but a Jockstrap, framing his cute ass perfectly. He could already see himself burying his face and cock between those cheeks.
He’d have to get back to that guy for sure but right now he had more important things to deal with. If everything that letter was true then his parents on both sides wouldn’t have been affected by the reality shift all that much. They probably weren’t even aware of his existence yet. So that was his next order of business. To break the news. Luckily, since Seth only grew up with his mom and Bradley only ever had his dad, there were only two parents to break it to rather than four. Still won’t make it any less awkward…
(Part 2)
James stood outside his house… or one of his houses anyway. With a deep breath he stepped forward and gave a rhythmic knock. It was only mere moments later that Seth’s mother Lisa opened the door. Of course she didn’t recognise the hulking man before her but there was an odd sense of familiarity about him.
James politely gave her his new name before asking to come inside, saying that he has something very important to tell her about her son. The middle aged woman was reluctant for a moment but the man seemed genuine so she stepped aside and offered him a seat in the kitchen.
“Ummm… well I’m not quite sure how to say this…” As James fumbled with his words Lisa became worried. She began to ask if Seth had been hurt somehow to which James swiftly reassured her that wasn’t the case. “No Mom. The truth is that… I am Seth. Kind of.”
“W-what are you talking about?! You aren’t my son!” Hearing his mother shout those words definitely hurt but James understood her view. He did look completely different after all.
“Just please give me a moment to explain.” He pleaded.
She gave him a distrusting look but allowed him to take the floor and somehow make sense of the madness he spoke.
“Yesterday I ordered these weird handcuffs and…” James went on to explain how the mysterious handcuffs worked and how they arrived almost instantly as he ordered them online. “Then this morning I took them to the gym. You remember Bradley right?…” He refreshed her memory of the bully he’d had throughout high school and how he went to the local gym frequently. “I saw him with all his muscle and confidence and decided that… I wanted to be a part of that.” James continued, telling her how the merging process had gone down after slapping the cuffs on himself and Bradley. “It was weird and confusing at first, like our individual minds were constantly pulling our new self in two different directions with opposing thoughts, but I think we’ve managed sync up now… kinda”
Of course his mother had no idea what to say to all this. The way James spoke reminded her of Seth only with a deeper, more resonant voice and a lot of the things he said were accurate like the stuff about high school… But surely he could’ve just acquired that information somehow. The only logical solution was to ask him a personal question that only Seth would know the answer too.
She sat and thought for a moment until she came up with just the question to ask. "So when you were younger, you were really proud of this one sunflower you grew. how many seeds did it make in the end?"
"Oh, hahah! I remember that easily. Just the one seed, unfortunately." He chucked thinking back to that old childhood memory. "It didn't grow to become a giant sunflower sadly, just a tiny little lanky one. Could only grow one premature seed before dying.”
Lisa couldn’t believe it, it was such an obscure memory that nobody but herself and Seth could’ve possibly known. “S-Seth?… is that really you?” She asked to which the bulky young man simply nodded with a smile in response. “I can’t… I don’t… I…” She had no idea what to say but she found herself believing it. Many of his features reminded her of her son, only more masculine, and the glasses he wore were unmistakably the same. And yet there were also a bunch of completely different features like his eyes, facial hair and most notably his large physique. Was all that crazy talk he’d said about merging actually true after all?
“Look I know you must have a lot of questions but right now we’ve got to call my dad… on Bradley’s side I mean.” James said, placing a large reassuring hand on top of hers before getting up to grab the house phone. Lisa could only stare in awe at her son(?) as he dialed a number and started calling. Soon enough Bradley’s father Saul answered.
“Wassup Dad! Look there’s something super important I gotta talk to you about. How soon can you get down here?” Suddenly James’ entire tone of speech had shifted. His dad didn’t think anything of it as James’ voice now sounded exactly like his son’s over the phone. Saul sighed at the request but agreed to meet ‘Bradley’ after being given the address.
30 minutes later there was a knock at the door. James jumped up to open it, greeting his father with that same jocky attitude as Bradley yet Saul only looked at him with confusion.
“Who the hell are you? You ain’t my son?” Though he couldn’t help but notice the man before him bore a strange resemblance to Bradley in a way.
“Yeaaaahh… about that.” James persuaded Saul to come inside and sit down at the table with Lisa. As crazy as it all sounded they convinced Saul to hear James out.
“Well I made my way down to the gym to get a pump with my bro’s and…” he went onto explain how his routine went, chatting up a couple chicks in between exercises and what not. Typical jock bro stuff. “Then I saw that Seth nerd across the room working out…” he confessed to being a bit of dick to Seth while he was there until he finished his workout. “After that I went to my locker. Was about to get a shower, when BOOM! Seth slaps this weird ass handcuff on me!” James re-explained the handcuffs to Saul, saying how they’d somehow fused him and Seth into one dude. “It was super fuckin weird at first, like a part of me was thinkin one thing then another part was thinkin something else. I think our thoughts have started to match up a little now though and work together or some shit.”
Just like Lisa before, Saul was lost for words. This man sounded like a lunatic! Yet at the same time he spoke just like his son. It wqs also a slight shock for Lisa as he hadn’t sounded quite this… bro-ey(?) until Saul got here.
Naturally Saul didn’t fully believe this to be true at first just like Lisa. And similarly to the woman before him, he prompted James to say something that only he and Bradley would know.
"Alright Dad. Hmmmm…” James pondered for a moment. “Oh I got it! You remember that time when I bullied those nerds for the entire school camping trip and you punished me by leaving me to camp alone in the forest for 2 days? I didn't learn a fucking thing from that punishment! I just proved to you I could live out there on my own." James gloated, flexing an arm and laughing.
Saul was in shock. Was this man really his son somehow? Though thinking about it he looked to have the same physique, attitude and some familiar features that reminded him of Bradley. Though there were also many that he didn’t recognise as well like his smile, his glasses and slightly lesser tanned skin among other things. Had he actually merged with some nerdy dude that slapped some magic shit on him. It took him a while to process it all but once he did…
“So you’re telling me that my jock son is now fused with some scrawny nerd!? What’re you a fag now as well?!” Saul’s outburst was sort of expected but Lisa still scolded the man anyway. Telling him to not spout ill words towards her son, especially in their own house. James also knew that despite Bradley’s clear homophobia prior to ‘ejecting’ it the other day, Saul never had anything against gay men before now. Hence he gave his father the benefit of doubt. He was probably just overwhelmed right now. Though that didn’t mean he couldn’t tease his dad a little…
“Well… I guess you’re half right. I still love pussy but dude ass looks pretty good as well now dad I gotta say!” James said with a chuckle.
“Set-I mean James! No language like that in the house please!” His mother scolded. Well it was certainly going to be a madhouse around here from now on by the looks of things.
Eventually Lisa and James got Saul to sit and listen to the positives. Being merged with a nerd means they’d be much smarter together than Bradley ever was on his own. With that intelligence they’d be able to get a decent job that pays well unlike the handyman job that Bradley had to settle for. Plus his new son still looked like an ‘alpha jock’ just with a little less douchiness about him. Really it should be a win-win but Saul was still having a hard time accepting it right now.
Afterwards, James explained that they’re the only ones who remember him being two people and that for everyone else, reality had completely shifted. In a lot of ways this made things easier, they didn’t have to bother dealing with the disappearance of Seth and Bradley nor did they have to set up some new identity for James somehow. According to everyone else, James had lived a mixed life of experiences from both Bradley and Seth. It also seemed that a lot of people now thought Bradley’s dad and Seth’s mom had a fling back in the day which was how James came to be.
After some long discussion, the three came to the decision that James would stay with Saul for the time being but would frequently come back to Lisa’s house to keep things fair. With that James went to his old room in his moms house to find that it’d been left unchanged. He grabbed whatever gear he wanted from the room and packed it into a bag. Though he didn’t bother with any of the clothes as none of those would fit him now anyway. Once done, he headed back downstairs with his stuff and said his goodbyes to his mom before hopping in his dads car and heading back to his place.
The car ride was undoubtedly awkward, neither man knowing quite what to say to the other. Best James could do was try and make some small talk about the other night's soccer game but even that didn’t help much. Luckily it didn’t take long for them to pull up into Saul’s driveway. The pair jumped out of the car and headed inside, still barely speaking a word, before James made a B-line for his other bedroom.
Upon entering he could smell a distinct musk. The sweaty post work out smell of a man clouding the room from all the previous training Bradley had done when at home. Unlike his room at Lisa’s house, this one was much messier with dirty clothes littered about the floor, unkempt bed sheets, weights and exercise equipment just lying around and much more. It didn’t seem to bother James all that much to be honest but he was probably gonna tidy it up a little later. At least get hamper in here for some of those clothes.
With that James got himself settled in, unpacking all the stuff he’d brought and looking through the stuff in his current room. He ended up rooting through Bradley’s closet for clothes to try, even throwing on some of the dirty ones, then checking himself out in the full body mirror. Due to his slightly increased size from what Bradley had been, most of these clothes now fitted quite tightly. Not that he was complaining. He just loved the way his pecs strained against some of the tank tops and t-shirt’s as well as how many of the shorts did little to hide his huge muscle butt and hefty bulge. A bulge of which was growing bigger by the second as he continued to admire his merged body, especially when he was stood in nothing but one of Bradley’s dirty jockstraps that he’d recently used during football practice with the bros. Enjoying the way it framed his ass while a bit of precum seeped through the pouch, further staining it.
In no time James was sprawled out on his bed, jacking his monster cock furiously. So fucking horny for himself, groping every part of his body like he had been in gym showers earlier that day before thoughts of both men and women alike started running through his head. In his horny frenzy, James grabbed his phone and opened Grindr. He found the guy who’d messaged him yesterday, Matt, and started scrolling back through the photos he’d sent. Fuck he was so hot, James could’ve bust a load to that cute jock butt right then and there but he held off for a moment to message back.
— Hey man, thanks for the compliments. You’re super fucking cute as well! Would love to meet up soon so we can appreciate each-over in person 😏 —
He went back to jerking gently for a moment until he got a swift reply from Matt who seemed to be completely on board. He said the best day for him was this coming Thursday. Perfect! James had a date with the personal trainer Katie on Friday so he could get ass and pussy one after the other! With that he set it up with Matt before returning his full attention to jacking off.
As his hand continued to pump up and down the shaft however, James began to notice a certain haziness setting over him. At first he assumed it just just due to his sheer horniness but the feeling grew stronger as he came closer to orgasm. His mind was overtaken by it as he couldn’t help but bust a nut all over his pecs and abs.
Suddenly conflicting memories start to disappear from his mind. Memories of Seth giving up on his work outs years back and using a flesh light are ejected out in thick ropes of cum leaving only Bradley’s memories consistent working out instead and never having to use a flesh light because he always had a hole to fuck anyway. After that even more of Seth’s irrelevant overlapping memories were ejaculated one after the other.
Afterwards James simply sat chuckling to himself as he smeared the cum over his chest before licking some up. It was like his brain had just switched itself off and he could barely think at all, a thick cloud covering his thoughts. Little did James know that jacking off had caused the two consciousness’ inside his head to start mindfucking one another. Right now it was as if the inner Bradley was shoving his metaphorical cock into the inner Seth’s mouth, shooting copious amounts of 'psychic cum’ down his throat and filling Seth’s consciousness with tons of his jock-like traits. Slowly but surely transforming Seth’s inner self into more of a buff nerdy jock.
Time flew by as James continued to lay buck naked on his bed, laughing and touching his body all over in a sort of euphoric state. After about an hour or so his dad came into the room to see his new son sprawled naked and covered with dry cum. “Huhuhuhuh shoulda knocked dude.” He didn’t even try to cover himself as his dad cursed, covering his eyes before leaving and closing the door.
It wasn’t until about 4 or so hours had passed that he finally returned to his senses, confused as to why he was now standing doing bicep curls nude in front of the mirror. Despite his brain clearing up again though, he did feel different. Besides some of Seth’s memories he could no longer recall, he also felt a bit… dumber?
The rest of that evening went as awkwardly as you would imagine when James went down to watch the game with his dad, vaguely remembering what his dad had seen earlier. It was also pretty apparent that Saul hadn’t yet accepted him either. This prompted James to try and bond with his father any way he could. Mostly via the sport on TV and hopefully try to forget what happened earlier in the process…
———
Wednesday morning soon arrived. James awoke with a big yawn as he stretched before pulling himself out of bed. Looking at his wrists he noticed the merging bracelets that were still attached to him. To be honest he’d almost forgotten they were there. He remembered what the letter said about the merge being permanent if he broke them without wishing to defuse. It was honestly kind of tempting to break them right then and there. In the short time James had spent as himself, he already felt way better than either of his previous selves ever had. However, for now, he wanted to have a backup and so he instead just slipped them off and stored them away underneath his bedroom floorboards for safe keeping.
Now that was sorted, he’d already decided he was gonna spend most of today with his dad. He had to convince him that he was still his son! Though hopefully that shouldn’t be hard since he felt more like Bradley than ever after yesterday’s odd haze.
Immediately heading downstairs after getting dressed, James found his dad sitting at the table with a coffee in hand. Well, here goes nothing.
Across the course of the day James did everything he could to get his dad to accept him. They reminisced over old memories they shared, tossed a football around for awhile, drank beer together and many other manly father and son bonding activities James could think of. Saul still wasn’t all that keen at first but as the day went on he began to warm up a little. It was minor progress but it was better than nothing. Hopefully it wouldn’t be long before Saul was calling him ‘Son’ again. They managed to end the day on a high note before James later made his way back to his moms house. After all the address he’d given his hookup Matt was for his mother’s place.
Content with that day he’d had with his father, he walked inside and said hello to his mom. They chatted for a while about his day before he headed off to his room. He could tell his mom was still a little uneasy about the whole situation even if she was trying to hide it. He understood though. This was gonna take some time for both his parents.
He closed his bedroom door behind him and gazed over his other more nerdy looking bedroom. Part of him was tempted to jack his fat cock off again and bust some more jock nut like he had yesterday. He was definitely a little horny again but he honestly was too exhausted after today’s activities to bother. Instead he just collapsed onto the much smaller bed, allowing it to creak under his weight. It didn’t take long for him to doze off into a deep sleep.
———
Thursday came around and James awoke with a throbbing erection. Seems like after going 24 hours plus without jerking off, his cock was becoming restless. It took a lot of willpower to not satisfy the urge. Fortunately his desire to save his cum for tonight was greater than his urge to spill his load. He gave his thick shaft a couple tugs before trying his best to shove it into his shorts comfortably. A hard task for sure.
After heading back downstairs and grabbing some breakfast with his mom, James set off towards the gym to get his main workout in. Especially since he’d skipped it yesterday to hang with his dad.
Upon arrival he was welcomed by many other gym-goers, a lot of them he thought of as his bro’s. After that it was like muscle memory took over as he made his way over to each machine and pumped out set after set. Not to mention helping and encouraging his bros in between exercises. Fuck did he feel like he was in his element though. He felt just as Bradley always did! Barely having a thought passing through his head while pumping his already huge muscles with the sole goal of growing even bigger than he already was. Just the rush of proving how powerful he was by lifting some massive weights was causing blood to rush into his cock again. He just couldn’t control that thing!
Before long he finished his routine and went to shower off. While he was getting dried however, some of the other jocks and meatheads he’d been working out with offered him to come play some football with them on the local field.
“Let’s fucking do it bros!” He agreed with a grin.
Next thing he knew, he’d headed home to grab his football gear and the same jockstrap he’d been wearing the previous night. Then before long he was on the field tackling the other dudes while having the absolute time of his life!
They must’ve played for a couple hours as by the time he got back home it was already the late afternoon. He messaged Matt to be sure he was still coming, which Matt confirmed, before heading to his room to play some first person shooter games.
The time passed by pretty quickly and soon enough there was a knock on the front door. James rushed down to answer it before his mother could, delighted to see the man from Grindr he’d been talking to. He was cuter and even more handsome in person.
They chatted for a little while but it didn’t take long for James to lead him upstairs. As soon as the door was closed, they made out passionately for a good while. During which they started ripping off each other's clothes. Matt couldn’t stop himself grabbing at James’ arms and grinning as he felt just how huge and powerful they were. “Oh wow… you really are so fucking incredible…” He complimented as his hands continued to roam around the rest of James’ supersized muscle bod.
As Matt began squishing and squeezing at those massive pecs, James smirked down at him. “You look pretty incredible yourself you know…” he said before reaching round to squeeze Matt’s ass, earning a lustful yelp from the smaller man. The two couldn’t help but lock lips again, swapping spit with such aggressive passion. Then after finally breaking apart, James tossed Matt onto the undersized bed, stroking his massive cock to the cute jock before him. With a smirk Matt rolled over, exposing his tasty looking ass to really get James going.
Next thing they knew, Matt was leaning over the side of the bed and swallowing as much of the fat member before him as his throat could handle. James was sure to face fuck him hard and good before eventually hopping onto the bed himself, instantly jumping at the chance to eat out that juicy jock butt. Matt groaned out as his hole was licked and savoured by the hulking brute of a man, being prepared for what was to come.
After a couple minutes of teasing, the time had finally come. Once his cock was well lubed, James alined the tip with the tight hole presented before him. Matt begged him for it until he felt the tip push inside, both men groaning out in unison. Slowly but surely James delighted in pushing himself further inside until he was balls deep.
An hour or so must’ve passed by the time they finished. They were constantly switching positions, making out and admiring each overs bodies. Eventually though, despite the incredible stamina, everyone has a limit and Matt was the first to reach his. As his hole continued to be destroyed, now once again lying on his front with James pounding down into him, he groaned out and arched his back before his cock started nutting beneath him. That was James’ signal to finish up himself. Matt was then delighted to feel his ass suddenly fill with thick cum, James roaring out as he emptied the massive load his balls had stored.
While his balls unloaded, James then felt that familiar haze settling over him once again. His mind went numb as it got harder for him to think straight. During his orgasm even more memories began to vanish, this time from Bradley’s side. He shot out memories of Bradley failing most things back in high school and college. Not to mention somehow never being able to get a drivers licence. Leaving behind only Seth’s memories in those regards, getting grades ranging pretty good to amazing in most areas and having been able to drive for over 2 years now. Those among others of Bradley’s memories, all ejaculated in the load of cum that now resided within Matt’s hole.
Once again James’ two inner halves began mindfucking each over through the foggy haze. This time however, the roles were flipped. The jockier Seth was now the one receiving a passionate blowjob from Bradley, sucking out a bunch of Seth’s nerdier traits and transforming him into more of a nerdy jock mix similar to that of inner Seth. James’ two halves were becoming more and more alike by the day.
After all that intense fucking though James started drifting off to sleep, still on top of Matt who was just as exhausted. As his eyes fluttered shut, his inner Seth would only continue face fuck inner Bradley as they slept…
———
Upon waking James’ mind felt clear once again. The strange haze must’ve worn off in his sleep… but once again he felt different. Now he felt much smarter than before as if he were now channeling more of his Seth side. That must’ve been why he felt dumber and cockier before, because he was channeling Bradley. He must not have been quite as stable yet as he’d previously thought…
Laid beside him, Matt was still sleeping soundly. James couldn’t help but smile at how sweet the other man looked in that moment. He ended up wrapping an arm around the smaller but still well built man and cuddling with him. They got to lay in peace for a good half an hour or so before Matt finally began to stir awake.
The two had quite the pleasant morning chat, Matt even noting how James sounded a bit different now. Like the way he spoke sounded more intelligent. He guessed that James had been hiding it the previous night for whatever reason. As great of a time they were having though, Matt soon had leave since he was late for work. James watched while the man he bred last night yanked his clothes back on before James walked him downstairs and out of the house, waving him goodbye.
He’d never expected to like Matt quite as much as he did. Sure he was hot in all his photos but now after meeting him, he felt as though there was a deeper connection there. One he certainly wasn’t expecting. Maybe he should ask Matt on a proper date soon? Of course he already had his date with Katie to worry about first though. It’d only be fair to give her an equal chance.
The rest of the morning from that point went rather as you’d expect from James by this point… except for one thing.
He got dressed, had breakfast with his mother, then gathered his things for the gym before setting off. Though by this point he still had about an hour or so before needing to leave. So to pass the time he sat back in his bedroom and played some of Seth’s games. Games that would’ve been considered ‘geeky’ to a lot of his Jock friends but he couldn’t deny that he was having a blast!
That hour absolutely flew by and before long it was time for him to leave. After saying goodbye to his mom, James jogged to the gym as part of his warm-up before stepping inside.
He was ready for a pump.
Of course he spotted many of the other gym regulars whom he talked with as he trained. Talking to those guys did bring out a bit more of that bro-talk side to him but even they were still able to notice the strange shift in James’ tone since yesterday.
It was only about half way through his routine that Katie walked in at last. They’d agreed to meet here and leave for the nearby restaurant in town once they’d both finished. That certainly didn’t stop them from trying to chat each other up every time they passed one another though. In the end, James finished first and left for the locker room where he got a rinse off the showers and got changed.
Now he was simply sitting outside the gym waiting for Katie to finish up. Said waiting gave James a lot of time to think. Mainly about his parents.
Both his former selves had wished they could’ve had two parents rather than just one. More so Seth than Bradley but still. Now in a strange way he finally did! Although now it felt sort of like having divorced parents in a way. That’s when he came up with a plan.
James called up both his parents, asking them to come meet him and his date at the restaurant. After some persuasion over the phone, they both surprisingly agreed. Then once Katie had finished her workout and got cleaned up, the two headed to the restaurant themselves.
Upon arrival, James had already informed Katie of the situation. She was a tad weirded out by it at first but he was able to get her on board. Soon it wasn’t long before all four of them were seated at a table together. Turns out James’ big plan was in fact a double date in hopes that his parents would find some sort of a connection.
For sure it was a little awkward at first but as James and Katie flirted on their side of the table, Saul and Lisa gradually began to find common ground. Turns out the two actually did have a couple of common interests. They both enjoyed Rom-coms (Though Saul wouldn't always admit it) Baseball, Motorcycles and more!
“Hey, seems like my plan for those two is working. How’s about we leave them to it while you and I head to the Hotel across the street and… you know.” James thrusted his hips back and forth a little in his seat. Katie rolled her eyes while trying to hide an amused grin. They got up from the table after paying for their food and said to James’ parents that they were heading to the hotel. This of course invoked a slurry of embarrassing lectures about ‘safety’.
The young and horny pair arrived at the hotel in no time, getting themselves a room before rushing inside. The very second the door closed they were practically smashing their lips together, tongues exploring each other's mouths while their hands began to wander. Katie reached her hand under the back of James’ tank top, running her palm across his muscular back. James’ hand did something similar except going a little lower to feel her soft ass. The touching started gentle but quickly grew more animalistic on both ends. Katie wasn’t able to stop herself from squeezing and admiring James’ impressive muscle mass just as Matt had the prior night. Grabbing at his bulging arms and cannonball-like shoulders. James responded in kind, kneading both hands into her pillow of an ass before lowering himself a little more to get a feel of her thick feminine thighs.
Of course it wasn’t long before his focus turned to her chest as he got a good feel of her tits, chuckling a tiny bit as he played with them. Katie smirked “Alright, my turn now” She stated before reaching out and groping James’ huge pecs, poking and prodding at the muscle. “Yours are even bigger than mine.” She joked.
The two threw off the last of their remaining clothes, revealing James’ hard pulsing cock and Katie’s wet needy pussy. They interlocked their lips once more as Katie jumped up into James’ arms, wrapping her legs around his waist with one of James’ hands on her ass for support.
He carefully aligned his massive shaft with her core before gently pressing it inside inch by inch. Katie cried out in delight as his cock pressed against her pussy walls, stretching her more and more as James buried himself as deep as possible. He tilted himself back a little before starting to move his hips, slowly thrusting in and out. He used his knowledge gained from Bradley’s numerous conquests to make sure he pressed himself inside in just the right way to make her scream with lust.
James continued to fuck Katie in his arms for a good few minutes before the two hopped onto the hotel bed. The flexible young woman spread her legs nice and wide before pressing James’ face into her pussy. He proceeded to eat her out with pleasure, loving the taste of her juices as it smeared across his face.
As one can imagine this scene went on for some time. Pussy eating, dick sucking, tit jobs and all sorts of fuck positions. But sooner or later James was bound to reach the end of his rope. They finished with Katie on top of him, James’ holding her by the hips and waist to assist her in bouncing up and down. She could tell the jock was getting close by the increased grunts and inconsistent pace of his upward thrusts. Well she was on the pill so… what the hell. Katie bounced on his cock a few more times before pressing herself as far down as she could handle, moving herself around on top to massage the dick inside her from every angle. James was sent over the edge, groaning out as he unleashed a wave of cum.
It happened again. The haze. It glazed over James’ mind once more. In the load he shot out various inferior memories from not one but both sides of himself that conflicted with his merged self. While this happened, the separate consciousness of Bradley and Seth mindfucked one another once again. This time though they were fucking each over in the 69 position. They shot load after load after load of ‘psychic cum’ into one another. Constantly filling one another with parts of their individuality. Shooting over and over until that individuality started to fade as the inner Seth and Bradley slowly became more and more indistinguishable from each other. Before long even they started to fuse, merging consciousness into one singular entity as well. Melding them together until they were no longer Seth and Bradley on the inside. They were simply just James.
———
For a while everyone was a little worried when James began acting strange for the first two days after that night. Turns out that last haze lasted way longer than the others. He started acting like the dumbest gym bro around for at least 48 hours. Once it wore off however, James had evolved in the most incredible way possible. His two inner selves, after swapping and sharing so many personality traits and memories, had eventually become identical and merged into one. No more were there two voices in his head directing him, only one unified voice. No more Seth. No more Bradley. Only James.
Unfortunately Katie saw a little bit too much of the hazed out James and decided she didn’t wanna see him anymore. Guess she didn’t wanna date a guy who all of sudden seemed as dumb as a brick. Of course he was a little upset by this but it did make things easier. He enjoyed the short time he’d spent with her but in the end he didn’t feel the same sweet connection he’d felt with Matt. Luckily for James, he’d slept through the second haze and Matt hadn’t seen him as he’d went through that third one. And so… he called him.
The two met up again and had a nice proper date this time around where they got to know each other much better. They didn’t fuck on that date however. James had to make up some sort of excuse as he wasn’t sure if he’d haze out and turn into a dumb brute again.
So later that night he tested it by busting a huge load to some porn and… nothing happened. Besides covering himself in cum that is. After that you best believe James fucked Matt’s brains out post their next date. Afterwards he even got Matt to top him! He could tell the cute smaller jock was having the time of his life pounding James’ thick muscle ass. Though, thanks to Bradley’s inherited virgin hole, he felt so fucking tight at first. It took him a long while to loosen up properly for Matt’s dick.
———
Since then it’s been about a year. After a few more successful dates, Matt and James decided to start dating properly as boyfriends and they got on incredibly well. They were always laughing and having fun, James even getting Matt into a couple of his nerdy games. They loved to fuck as much as possible and enjoyed going to the gym together. Matt had even put on a fair amount of extra muscle because of James’ encouragement and gentle guidance.
That wasn’t the only good news though. Turns out James’ plan had worked after all. After that double date he’d had with his parents, they’d started to see more and more of each over. At first they came up with the excuse that it was for their shared son but before long the two couldn’t deny they were developing feelings for one another. James was thrilled for them! It really seemed like everything had come together perfectly at last. And to think none of this would’ve been possible had Seth not bought those merging handcuffs on a whim…
Saying that, James finally decided it was time. He headed into his bedroom at his fathers house and found the merge bracelets he’d hidden all that time ago. He stared down at the objects that’d created him before holding them together, proceeding to break them both clean in half with one effortless motion. Since he didn’t wish to split, the fusion was officially made permanent. No way to return. He didn’t want to. His life now was far better than his previous two had ever been. He had two parents that were falling in love. He had a beautiful boyfriend by his side. He was smart as hell, had gotten himself a great job and still had a massive incredible body.
James was here to stay. Forever.
#male merge#forced merge#male tf#male transformation#male muscle growth#reality shifting#mental change#straight to gay#gay to straight#straight to bi#gay to bi#jock tf#nerd tf#jockification#magic#dumbing down#revenge#permanent change#hunk tf#bro tf
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˖ ࣪ 𖥔 NO ONE NOTICED — CARLOS SAINZ
[social media au + some real life]
pairing | carlos sainz x mexican!reader
face claim ★ danna paola
content warnings | age gap (reader is 22) angst, suggestive content
authors note | not spell checked. based off no one noticed by the marías. if anyone would like a part two with a happy ending let me know <3 posting this to start off some manifestation that carlos wins the vegas gp please just one more win with ferrari 🤞🏼
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liked by carlossainz55, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt, landonorris, bellahadid, dulcemaria, and 842,496 others
yourusername monza gp was amazing as always. now off to my home for a little break 🇲🇽🤍
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user1 she ATE every single outfit at monza
user2 girl might as well post carlos in the second slide we all know that’s him😭
alexandrastmleaux pretty girl 💓💓💓
yourusername please that’s all you 🤍
carmenmmundt hermosa! can’t wait to see you
yourusername reuniting so soon i love you😭
user3 kind of new to the fandom but how does she know so many wags??
user4 she’s a singer and occasional youtuber who was invited to sing the national anthem of mexico at the mexico city gp in 2021. it’s been rumored she has a fwb situation with carlos but never been confirmed even though she’s been spotted in his garage at multiple races
user5 carlos needs to make it official atp she’s his biggest supporter despite him constantly saying he’s not in a relationship and doesn’t want to be in one
user6 our girl deserves better if he wont appreciate her then let her find someone who will
♥️ yourusername liked this comment
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SEPTEMBER, 2023
You walk close behind Carlo as he makes his way back inside the house after having a relaxing day at the beach he’d saw the dms from random people about you liking a certain comment “It was an accident. I thought I was liking Carmen’s comment and I don’t know my thumb slipped or—.”
“An accident? You responded to Carmen way earlier that comment was made hours later. Just stop lying for once in your life, yn!”
“No that’s now fair, Carlos. You say I lie all the time? I lie for you! I don’t want this anymore. I want something real…that’s the truth.” Your eyes well up with tears overcome with emotions you sit on the bed feeling deflated.
Carlos sighs and sits beside you, “Y/n…we said from the beginning this would be—.”
“No feelings attached only sex because with both our careers being busy a relationship would not be healthy for us. I have that memorized, Carlos. I know we agreed to that and it was going well,” You quote what he had said to you the night after the México City Gp in 2021 where you two had spent the night together.
“I thought I could have sex with you and have no feelings for you but how can I not? You…you always know what will cheer me up. You are the first person I call or text in the morning even if I’ve had a busy week. You know exactly how I take my tea or coffee, you kiss me with a passion that makes me believe you love me too, you hold me like you never wanna let go…how can I not fall in love with you?”
And there it was. The three words Carlos had been trying to avoid from you not because he didn’t feel the same way but he knew his life and your would ever be stable for a relationship. Among other things he just knew this may not end right if you got into a relationship but now looking at it, this situationship was ending now.
“Y/n…I don’t feel the same way.”
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SEPTEMBER, 2023
liked by yourusername, user1, user2, user3, and others
smoothoperator_updates carlos has won the singapore gp!!! this is a huge accomplishment after redbull dominating season so far. congrats carlos! 🏎️
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user1 anyone else see yn like this post? why was she not there😭
user2 yn in the likes because she unfollowed carlos…my heart is breaking
user3 they definitely ended their relationship or whatever it was after the monza gp just a few days later she unfollowed him even though he still follows her
user4 y’all go check f1gossiponthepaddock recent post…carlos is horrible for that
f1gossiponthepaddock spotted! carlos sainz cozying up and kissing mystery brunette at a club celebrating his singapore gp win. sources at the part said he never left her sights and was very hands on. quite a fast rebound after being spotted with y/n y/l/n just a few weeks ago.
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NOVEMBER, 2023 • PODCAST INTERVIEW
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yourusername posted a story !
slide 1 tan lejos de mi, te sigo pensando. me canso llorando.
carlossainz55 posted a story
slide 1 i wanted to stay, i wanted to be there. i wanted to hold you, but i was afraid. i should've told you.
#f1 amour works 🏎️🏁#carlos sainz#carlos sainz smau#carlos sainz texts#carlos sainz x mexican!reader#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz one shot#carlos sainz drabble#carlos sainz blurb#carlos sainz social media au#carlos sainz smut
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i miss you (Park Jihyo x Reader)
Angst with happy ending , smut
Was going to post this yesterday but I got sick again (or well I got worse after I felt better) but here we are! That being said I wrote this in a sick ish blur so if it’s not good I’m so sorry it was a fever dream writing it.
Your girlfriend Jihyo wasn’t always distant, even with her busy schedule of performances and recordings she still found a way to make time for you, more time than she had probably but then her solo debut came around and that changed.
Missed texts, calls, dinners, pretty much everything was met with a “I’m sorry baby, practice is running late”. She left the house before you woke up, and got home after you were in bed most days, though she was attentive and caring the few times you see each other, constant affection as usual.
Tonight was no different than the last how ever many, it was seven in the evening and you had cooked dinner for the two of you as she had promised she would be home in time and she was so stressed, it’s the least you can do for the love of your life.
Of course you trusted her words when she said she’d be on time, even if that was the naive thing to do, but now she was an hour late than she agreed to and you were sat on your couch drinking the wine that was meant for dinner. Then you get a phone call.
*Incoming call*
Hyo❤️🔥
You sit up fast, placing your wine glass on the coffee table before answering.
“Hyo, is everything okay?” You answer, “where are you?”
“Hey baby.” She starts, you can tell it’s not good news from her tone, the way she putting fake happiness in her voice.
“You’re not coming, are you?”, Disappointments laced every one of your words.
“I’m sorry love, they want to extend rehearsal for a couple hours.” You can hear the guilt seeping into her apology, “I have to stay since it’s you know my song, so I’ll have to miss dinner and I’ll be back late.”
You let out an amused huff, figures, how could you think tonight was any different than usual.
“Right.” You pause, looking at the made dinner on the table that is now cold and her wine glass that is still full, a couple candles scattered around, flowers sitting in the center waiting to be gifted to Jihyo,tears welling up in your eyes.
“I’m really sor-“
“It’s fine. Really.” Your voice breaks slightly, almost unnoticeable except for the fact that Jihyo knows every little thing about you especially when you’re not okay.
“You don’t sound fine.”
“Jihyo it’s okay, I’ll see you later.”
She knew it wasn’t okay, from your shaky voice to the fact that you called her “Jihyo” instead of “Hyo” or some other sweet pet name but she decided not to push while in front her band members.
“Okay, I love you-“
Jihyo can barely get the words out before you hang up, teary eyed glancing once again at the set dinner table with full plates, the sink with dishes from your couple hours of cooking.
Deciding to leave everything where it is, you head back to the couch and pick the wine glass up once again, sitting there until your girlfriend got home which was about three hours later.
You hear the door unlock and close, her keys being thrown onto the table by the door, and her heavy bag hitting the floor before she walks into the living room you’re in. She finds you sitting, watching some movie or more so dissociating while staring at the screen, empty wine glass in hand with the bottle on the table not empty but close to it.
“Baby..” she says, it’s quiet like she’s scared.
You don’t answer you just look at her, eyes watery and red from crying, tears stained your shirt.
“I’m so sorry I’m late.”
No answer again.
“Let me make it up to you.”
The only noise you make is a little chuckle, a familiar promise of her making it up to you that she has been making for weeks but never followed through.
“Did you eat?” She asks, quieter than before if possible.
“Does it look like I did?” You bitterly ask while waving your hand at the dinner table in the other room.
Jihyo’s eyes follow your hand, seeing the full untouched plates with a full wine glass, then she see the flowers and candles which causes her eyes to fill with guilty tears.
“Oh..” it comes out as a choked whisper, “I’m so sorry.” She finally walks over to you, getting on her knees in front of you and placing her hands on your knees, “I really wanted to be here, but rehearsal-“
She can’t finish her sentence before you’re pushing her hands off of you and standing up to go into the dining room.
“Can you stop making excuses Jihyo?” It comes out louder than expected, as you speak you start picking up the plates to throw the food away but she puts a hand on your wrist before you can get to the trash can.
“Don’t throw it out.”
“Really? You’re going to eat the dinner I made 5 hours ago? now?”
“Maybe, if it makes you feel better.” Jihyo can feel herself getting irritated after the long day of rehearsal, she knows she shouldn’t be seeing as she’s the one hurting you.
“I don’t think it will.” Before you throw the plates in the trash, admittedly harder than necessary, the both of them shattering when they land.
“Hey! can we just talk? Instead of throwing things” she says exasperated at the new angry behavior of yours.
“Jihyo, I’ve been wanting to talk. For weeks. And you were nowhere to be found.”
“I’ve been here every night.”
“Yeah when I’m already asleep. And then you leave before I even wake up. When should I talk to you during those times? Huh?”
“Baby you know how my job is, the schedules-“
“Yeah i do. And I know i agreed to dealing with it but… I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”
“You do know me, I’m the same person as I’ve always been.”
“No, Jihyo, you’re not.” A pause. “When’s the last time we went on a date?” Tears filled your eyes again.
“I-I don’t know, a week ago?” She stuttered, taken aback by the sudden questioning.
“3. 3 weeks ago. When’s the last time you ate a dinner I made you while it was still hot?”
“I- I don’t know.” She looks at the ground in shame.
“Exactly.” You try walking to the door.
“W-“
“No. I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore.” Turning back to face her.
“Please, baby. Let’s talk about this.” She goes to grab your hands which you quickly pull away as you walk in the other direction, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Go ahead. You have 5 minutes.”
“Wh- are you serious? 5 minutes?“ The shock leaves her face as she sees the serious look on your face, “I know I’ve been distant, and truly I am so sorry. I know my job isn’t an excuse but you have to understand I can’t exactly say no to staying longer or canceling schedules.”
“That’s not ev- the problem is that when you don’t have a schedule you’re nowhere to be found.”
“Because I’m tired, y/n. It’s exhausting sometimes to do what I do.”
“Too tired for me?”
“That’s not what i meant.”
There’s silence as you look as her, contemplating your next words.
“Maybe we should break up.”
“Wh- what? N-no.” Panic fills Jihyo as you speak, nausea taking over her body.
“Hyo, I don’t know if I can do this anymore, barely seeing you when you have a comeback and when you don’t, you’re on tour.”
“But-“
“You’re losing me Jihyo. You being gone all the time, it hurts. I just want you to be around more but you can’t do that.”
“I’ll do better. I’ll make them cancel some rehearsal days, bring you on tour with me, anything. I mean I’ll even take a hiatus.”
“You’d do that?”
“If it meant keeping you.” She was genuine, in all the years you’d known her you had grown to distinguish when she wasn’t being truthful, “Please, give me another chance.” She grabs your hands, this time slowly but you don’t pull away this time which ignites a hope in Jihyo.
“Fine. Maybe not a hiatus but-“
She cuts you off with a kiss, hands going to your face, it was soft and sweet, her love being translated through it.
“I love you.” Her eyes staring into yours, hands still on your cheeks, “I’ll do better. As a matter of fact, I’m going take tomorrow off.”
“Can you even do that?” You ask shocked, but a smile returns to your face.
“I mean, I am the idol, what are they gonna do without me? And they can’t fire me, I’m too valuable.”
You push her away playfully at the last part but she’s quick to grab your hands and pull you into her.
“How can i make it up to you?”
“Well, in general a lot, but just tonight? You can start by doing the dishes and then maybe joining me in the bedroom?” Your eyes are mischievous and suggestive as you look at her.
“Can’t we just skip to the bedroom part?” She pouts as she looks at the dishes in the sink and on the stove from the day.
“If you don’t do them, there will be no bedroom part.” You answer as she push her off you and towards the sink.
“Come onnnn”
You keep walking as she pouts heading to your shared room, deciding on skin care and changing to waste the time.
As you’re standing in front of your dresser, only wearing a pair of sweatpants, a voice from behind you appears.
“I think putting on clothes is kinda pointless.” Jihyo rasps out, as you meet her eyes in the mirror on your dresser they’re dark with blown pupils and staring directly at your bare chest.
“I have eyes you know.” At which she shifts her gaze up to make eye contact, a playful smirk on her face. But you do slide your sweatpants off onto the floor causing your girlfriend to smile.
“And I love those too.” She says walking behind you to wrap her arms around your waist, head on your shoulder with her mouth next to your ear, “but.. I’ve just missed touching you so much.” You feel her lips press into your neck and leaving a few marks as her hands glide up to squeeze your chest, fingers pinching your nipples, lips moving down to your shoulder before making eye contact with you, “Why don’t you go lay down for me pretty girl?” A soft dominance wafting off of her, you of course follow her orders immediately laying on the bed and spreading your legs slightly to show the growing wet spot on your underwear. Jihyo just stands at the end of the bed, staring at you with her lower lip between her teeth, eyes slowly moving from your face down your body almost lost in the sight of you, a minute passes before you speak.
“…Hyo?”
“Hm.”
“Are you going to stop staring and join me or?”
A blush spreads across her face before a smirk takes over.
“Sorry for admiring my absolutely gorgeous girlfriend.” She teases as she finally gets on the bed and climbs up to hover over you, hers eyes shining with love and once again staring you down as she studied your face for the millionth time in your relationship. You try interrupting her stares by leaning in to kiss her but she playfully pulls away, “I’m not done looking.” A hand goes to rest on your cheek.
“Hyo, I love you so much, but if you don’t touch me after today then I’m making you sleep outside.”
“Going to kick me out of my own house that I pay for?” She smiles but that goes away when she sees the quirk of your eyebrow that tells her you’re dead serious, causing her to capture your lips in a passionate kiss her tongue swiping at your lips begging to be let in which you part your lips letting her tangle her tongue with yours before pulling away and biting your bottom lip bring it with her before letting it go saliva still connecting you and looking at you, eyes darker than before.
She moves her lips to your jaw leaving light kisses, moving to your neck where she starts leaving marks. One hand squeezing your thigh, the other sliding from your hip to your chest.
“Hyo.” You whimper out.
“I know baby, let me take care of you.”
The kisses and marks move down to your collarbones and chest, she wraps her lips around your nipple while her hand attended the other one. After your chest is littered in purple marks and little bites her hand goes to your underwear feeling the wetness and rubbing you through the fabric making you gasp and rut up into her.
“So needy. You’re so wet baby, miss me that bad?”
“Please.”
Her kissing continues down your stomach until she reaches the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down slowly making sure to leave a feathery kiss on every inch of new skin that showed, worshiping your body with her loving kisses. Reaching your knees she finally pulls your underwear all the way down and throws them to the floor, returning to her original place her face hovering over yours and you can feel the light touch of her lips on yours as she speaks again.
“I’m going to use my fingers first so I can see how much you missed me, okay?”
“Whatever you want.”
Her hand that rested on your thigh moved to your center, rubbing small circles at first. Small whimpers come out of your mouth as you close your eyes, truthfully you hadn’t really had sex that wasn’t a quickie in a green room for a performance in weeks so even her light touch had you close to finishing.
“Wait.” You say which causes her to stop and worry, “You know, you’re fully clothed…”
“Uh huh..” she says a smile on her lips, her fingers going back to making small circles on your clit now that she knows you’re not uncomfortable.
“And I am not. I don’t think that’s fair.” You can barely talk as she moves her fingers, but you get out the words even if they’re shaky. You didn’t want to tell her the real reason you wanted her clothes off is because you loved the sight of your nail marks and scratches on her back the next morning, you would trace them with your fingers as she laid down or in the shower.
Jihyo makes a show of sitting up on her heels and pulling her baggy shirt over her head, too slowly you think, her abs showing from her countless hours of rehearsals and her earlier workout. Then she unclips her bra and takes it off just as slowly, she leaves her sweatpants on though as she settles herself back, two fingers immediately going back to where they were but soon slid down to enter you agonizingly slow and were unmoving when fully inside, her thumb working circles on your clit.
“Don’t tease” Your voice is breathless and almost a whimper as you look at her heavy lidded eyes, “please.”
“Anything you want baby.” Her fingers move inside you as she speaks, the pace going from 0-100 almost instantly, after all she did promise to make up for her behavior so who was she to deny you, your playful threat of leaving her in the driveway for the night for not listening to you still present in her mind.
“Fuck.”
“Feel good pretty girl?” Her lips brush on your ear, and her warm breath causes shivers down your spine.
“So good.” It’s more of a whine than actual words.
The feeling of her fingers inside of you is dizzying, vision a bit blurred, all of your thoughts consumed by her.
“You’re doing so good. Taking my fingers so well.”
The words alone makes you tighten around her, wetness dripping onto the sheet below. You thought you were already close but then she angles her fingers up just right and it feels like you’re on fire, you hands grip her back nails digging into her skin dragging down to her waist where you pull her closer to you if possible.
“I’m so close.”
“Let go baby. You deserve it.” She whispers before kissing you but pulls away as you reach your orgasm, she just can’t miss the noises you make for her.
Your vision is white as you reach your peak, back arching off the bed and into your girlfriend’s chest, nails digging into her skin again as you moan loud enough for the whole world to hear. Jihyo’s fingers don’t stop moving inside you until you whine and put your hand on her wrist. You don’t realize you’re holding your breath until she speaks again.
“Breathe baby.” A light chuckle falling from her lips while she strokes your cheek with her thumb, “are you okay?”
“More than okay.”
“Does that mean you forgive me?”
“Actually I think you might have to do a redo on that apology.”
“Oh yeah?” Jihyo’s eyes shined as she looked down at you
“Mm.”
“I think I can do that.” Before she retreats underneath the blanket with her head between your thighs.
She ended up apologizing about 3 more times that night before you were satisfied, but Jihyo didn’t mind as long as she had her girl.
#kpop imagines#twice jihyo#twice x reader#twice#twice imagines#twice x fem reader#jihyo x reader#park jihyo x reader#jihyo imagines#jihyo smut#park jihyo#park jihyo smut#park jihyo x fem reader
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Episode 11 really showed Jack's growth
Okay, I know what you're gonna say: "but he lashed out at Joke! He threw him away again! He got so angry!". And like- yes he lashed out, yes he didn't stop to think, yes he got extremely angry. But that literally happened in the first ten minutes of the episode, alright? There's more than a hour after that, so please let's focus on everything else that happened too, and the fact that Jack acting like that literally only lasts for a short while (as I already said, everything happens extremely fast in this episode, if you really think about it he only stays made for less than a day, which is a perfectly valid period of time to need to sort through complicated feelings - hell, it's an incredibly short time, Jack got over himself extremely quickly).
Anyway, lemme go in order, because I'm not just talking about his relationship with Joke here, but about everything else too.
There are two main things about Jack's character arc (well, more than two, but I wanna focus on these ones now): first, his tendency to hold grudges and be hard on forgiveness and, second, the fact that he never stands up to power and powerful people in an active way (I'll explain better what I mean later).
As for the first, I made a whole other post about it, so I'm not gonna repeat everything again, but let's see how in this episode he got to the end of his growth in this aspect.
He's extremely mad at the start of the episode (rightfully so), so much that he goes on a rampage (we love to see it, tbh), even though he should know that it wouldn't end well.
When he wakes up, he's still mad - of course he is, he didn't have time to think and process everything yet, given that he was beaten unconscious until now. He gets mad at Grandma when she mentions Joke, and then he lashes out at Save and Hope. It's understandable.
But then? Then it only takes Hope saying this for him to calm down and put things into perspective
I think it's important to point out that here it's only been maybe a few hours since the hospital scene. And here, Jack finally has time to think.
This it when he finally stops and thinks and realizes that he was wrong, that he didn't have any right to be mad at Save or Hope (or, well, he does, but how should also be able to understand their positions, because he's been there too), because they're all in the same situation in the end; and he realizes that Joke only did what he did for him. This is the moment when he finally has time to think and realize he was wrong (both about Save and about Joke), realize that he doesn't want to lose Joke, that he misses him.
Let's not forget that the start of Jack's character growth was to learn to forgive. And here, he shows that he's finally able to do this.
He works together with Save and Hope, he trusts them. Why didn't he call Joke to join them then? Well, I think he probably wanted things to calm down first so that after that he would have the time to actually talk to Joke. He didn't have the time to do that in the end, and that's the tragic thing.
But we know that's what he planned to do, because that's exaclty what he says.
Anyway, let's move on or this will become way too long lmao
It's not only in terms of learning to forgive that Jack grew. It's also in the way he finally decides to actively act to oppose Boss.
I mean, Jack was caught in Boss' web of power since he was young, and he's had to deal with the fact that he couldn't escape it, couldn't defeat it, for years. And so, he always submitted to Boss, in a way.
Yes, when he was a debt collector he went against him, in secret (and sacrificing himself and his own money), until Boss found out and Jack had to bow his head againt before him. When Gradma was in the hospital, he let himself in Boss' grasp again and even when Joke and Grandma slapped some sense into him his way to oppose Boss was to simply tell him he didn't want to marry Rose anymore, but was still willing to work for him; now, we know that that only worked because Joke had stolen the ring. What would have happened if Joke hadn't done that? Boss would have refused, of course, and Jack would have had bowed his head again.
Until now, Jack's actions were often passive, a result of him having no choice. Even when he played the ladder game against Lompran, that wasn't a real choice.
Not now, though. In this episode, Jack finally realizes that he can't keep doing it, that he needs to fight back for real. And this is the first time that Jack realizes that he can't always do the morally correct thing if he wants to defeat people like Boss.
Jack has always had really solid morals, and he's always lived by the fact that he needs to be better - better than the corrupted people in power who use them and look down on them. And that means he can't accept theft as a valid way to fix things, even if it would be justifiable and it would make things easier. But he can't do that, because that would mean that he's just as bad as them. Poor people are always expected to do the right thing.
Until now. Because now Jack has finally realized that he can't play it fair against people like them, he understood how that world works, and he realized that he needs to play following their game's rules.
He's learned the power game's rules and he's ready to play.
And that's what he does. He's able to take advantage of Lompran's greed and use it for his own ends, and he's not afraid of risking his own or Save's life - because he knows at this point that they can't play it safe anymore.
He played the game but he also kept his morals, because he still didn't do it for himself; he played their game but he's still better than them
Jack has mostly been a passive force until now, but in this episode he's finally the active force - he's the one with the plan, the one who takes the lead. (Joke, on the other had, has always been the active force of the show, and in this episode he's the passive one, but I'll make another post about this another day)
And I think this will be obvious in next episode too, when he'll (finally!) get a gun and do everything that's needed to save Joke and everyone else from Boss.
And he finally understood that the world isn't black and white and that sometime you need to do something "bad" to fight back, both for youself and for others. And that that doesn't mean you're a bad person.
#jack and joker#jack and joker the series#jack and joker: u steal my heart#jack & joker#jack & joker: u steal my heart!#honestly thank you if you really read all of this btw lmao i know its way too long#my posts#this is extremely long im sorry lmao#but ive been thinking about it#this is the first time that jack takes the lead and actually opposes boss in such an active way#without sacrificng himself#did you know that i love jack so much? if it wasnt obvious already#anyway you can expect another post like this but about joke#i havent talked enough about him bc i was too busy defending jack lol
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Introduction.
Heard someone online say this— "The right DIRECTION is actually more important than HARD WORK itself."
The first step to "working smart" is also stepping in the right direction.
Hard work directed towards unproductive and degenerative activities is equivalent to stalemate in the specific field if not further degradation.
HOW SO, DO WE STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?
Step 1: Have a talk with yourself about what you really wish to do.
My talks before starting this usually ended up in tears.
I've been failing in life altogether for over two years now and all the cumulative criticism combined with regrets and embarrassments fueled defense mechanisms and avoidance techniques to develop inside me.
The talk was obviously hard, but finally I've opened myself to opinion and change recently— this in itself is the greatest change a human being can have.
It wasn't easy, of course.
I was supposed to fight down my own behaviour and impulsive reflexes to understand words and opinions of the other people around me whilst not being swayed completely by them or even rejecting them completely.
This is one of those things easier said than done.
It was talking to myself more that led to this.
The only person who can reach the inner voice of your consciousness is you. This voice is the most truthful and genuine guide you can find, only, you must know to separate it from words materialised by intrusive thoughts.
Sit with yourself, talk to yourself, ask yourself what you want to do.
It may take a while, but you will surely get response when you try to connect to your inner self.
Step 2: Get into what you wish to accomplish— know more.
Reasearch about your goal. We can't start into something we barely know about.
2024 is a great year to live in but only for the seekers.
You'll find everything you need to know about anything online today, all you need to have is the desire to see.
This is the first step to "Smart Work" too.
[Smart work: works only when applied with hard work. It's not the other way around— you can not replace hard work by smart work]
We will be revisiting this several times in times ahead so don't worry if there are unanswered questions [you can always comment or dm them to me].
Step 3: This is probably the TRUEST of all advise I've heard growing up– You're the average of the five people you listen to everyday.
I have personally seen so many people change for the worse on having bad company surrounding them.
It's easier for people yo pick up bad behaviours rather than good ones so no matter how selfish it would make you feel, cross out bad influences from your life
If you happen to be someone mostly at home and in presence of parents or siblings (like me), try to make firstly, your pwn mind your best companion. When there's problems, talk about it to your own self.
It's magical, trust me.
This takes time to get a hang of but it's magical.
Other than that, fill your ears with podcasts or perhaps you tube videos of people who are wise and/or related to your specific goal.
[I will be sharing a list of thr best podcasts to hear for personal growth later in a separate post.]
Step 4: Have a proper plan.
How you spend your minutes, hours, days, months and therefore the years becomes how you ultimately spend your life.
A— Take either a calendar or just draw out the months which compose your selected "two month" time.
B— Write your goal on a piece of paper and formulate a monthly procedure to achieve it.
If this goal is some sort of skill development for example, divide the procedure into the two months and then further down to weeks. Then, divide the workload per day of the week.
This is also applicable for students preparing for some or the other sort of examination or are just studying in general.
C— People who wish to upgrade their personalities will be part of a more active process which will run alongside the daily log posts.
WHAT NEXT?
Once we've got all we wish to change outlined, we can step into finally starting the process.
This turned out to be longer than I expected so I'll keep it till here. Anything else we need to do will follow in the following posts.
If we wish, we can.
[check out the blog to join the journey]
#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled ink#quotes#change your life#change the world#beautiful words#understanding#inner peace#introspection#life#life quotes#lifestyle#life lessons#meaning#love#peace#self love#self realization#self care#inspiring quotes#quotes to live by#quoteoftheday#life quote#beautiful quote#words#quotations#metamorphosis#growth#growing up
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Scorched Hearts XVII
Summary:
'We loved with a love that was more than love - Edgar Allen Poe'
After spending sometime with her brothers, Valaena makes a discovery.
Warning(s): Angst, Drama, Language, Revelations, Brother/ SIster Teasing, Aegon Being A Menace, Mild Violence, Uncle/Niece Incest, Kissing, Smut, P in V.
AEMOND x O.C Niece
Word Count: 6000
A.N - Bit of a fluffy/cheeky one.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.
Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated, do not copy/post to other sights without my permission.
Tag List - @jasminecosmic99 @kaelatargaryen @yesterdayfeelings-blog @immyowndefender @0eessirk8 @darylandbethfanforever9 @killua2dot0 @msassenach @xcharlottemikaelsonx @moonnicole
Jace and Luke strode purposefully through the corridors, their voices low but heated as they bickered.
“I went last time,” Jace argued, his dark brows furrowing. “It’s your turn to ask.”
Luke scoffed. “No, it was me, and I got the door slammed right in my face.”
“No. That was me,” Jace countered sharply. “And, I also got called a bastard.”
“Well, so did I,” Luke snapped back.
Jace’s pace quickened as he turned to face his younger brother.
“What if we both go this time? Aemond can’t stop us both. Valaena is our sister. We’ll demand to see her. He can’t just keep her locked away forever.”
Luke tilted his head, considering. “That’s not a bad idea. Safety in numbers and all that-”
The two brothers quickly nodded in agreement as they neared the door that would lead them to Valaena and Aemond’s chambers.
However, their path was blocked by Lirri and Arro, who were sat nearby, guarding the entrance, as they played some sort of card game with each other.
Arro glanced up, his stoic face giving nothing away. “I wouldn’t go in there, if I were you.”
Jace frowned. “Why not?”
Lirri, smiled as she, leaned forward. “My lady and my lord are very busy.”
Luke blinked, tilting his head in slight confusion. “Busy doing what?”
Before Lirri could answer, a muffled yet unmistakable sound of pleasure came from behind the heavy oak doors.
Both boys froze in place as the noise repeated, louder this time.
Jace groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “They’re at it again?”
Luke cringed. “How is that even normal?”
Lirri, clearly amused, grinned as she answered. “My lord has a ravenous appetite for my lady. He is very virile man-”
Jace grimaced. “I did not want to know that.”
Luke shook his head quickly. “Neither did I.”
Before either could continue, Aegon strolled into the hallway, a mischievous smirk plastered across his face.
He spotted Lirri, and his grin widened when she blushed and smiled back.
“What are you all standing around here for?” Aegon drawled, hands on his hips.
Jace cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “We were just—”
Another sound of pleasure, unmistakable and unabashed, spilled into the hallway.
Aegon burst into laughter. “So, my brother’s back to getting his end away, and you’re all standing here listening. You dirty little buggers.”
“Hey!” Luke protested. “That’s not true. We were coming to see if Valaena wanted to go dragon riding.”
Aegon arched an eyebrow, his smirk deepening. “From the sounds of it, she’s already riding the dragon.”
Jace groaned in disgust. “You are so disgusting-”
“Me?” Aegon laughed. “You’re the ones standing here listening to your sister being fucked into the mattress.”
Luke turned the tables quickly. “And what are you doing here, then?”
Aegon’s smirk faltered for a moment as his gaze darted to Lirri and then to Arro.
“No reason. I-I was just-out for a walk.”
Luke let out a heavy sigh, clearly done with the entire situation. “Maybe we should come back later.”
Arro nodded slightly. “Might be best to give it an hour or two. Just to be certain.”
Jace blinked at him, incredulous. “Are you actually being serious?”
Lirri nodded cheerfully. “In Qarth, sometimes my lord would take my lady many times, until he very tired and needed many hours sleep-”
Luke stared at her in disbelief. “So they’ve always been like this?”
Lirri’s smile widened. “Oh, yes. My lord is not shy about the love he gives my lady.”
Jace tugged on Luke’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go. We’ll wait until later.”
“You coming, Aegon?” Luke asked.
Aegon muttered under his breath, “I would have been if you weren’t here.” Then, louder, he said, “No. I’ll finish my walk.”
As Jace and Luke trudged off, grumbling to themselves, Aegon exhaled in relief, glancing at Lirri.
“Thank the fucking gods. I thought they’d never leave.”
Lirri chuckled. “They’re nice boys.”
Aegon’s brow furrowed in mock offense. “And what about me?”
Lirri’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “You’re a very naughty boy.”
Aegon seized her waist, pulling her close. “Maybe you should punish me then.”
Lirri glanced at Arro, who gave a small nod of approval.
Aegon’s grin grew wicked. “Arro may join us, if he wishes. As you know, I enjoy it when he does.”
Arro inclined his head. “As you wish my Prince-”
Without another word, the three slipped away toward Lirri’s chambers, leaving the hall outside Aemond and Valaena’s chambers blissfully quiet—save for the occasional muffled sound of passion behind closed doors.
Valaena watched Aemond for a moment, her fingers tracing the line of his cheekbone as his silver hair spilled across the pillow.
His serene expression as he slept, so free of the tension he recently carried, made her heart swell.
Leaning down, she pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, brushing away a stray strand of hair.
He didn’t stir, merely exhaling a soft sigh of contentment.
With a small smile, Valaena turned to the bedside table where the moontea sat.
The smell made her nose wrinkle, but she lifted the cup, holding her breath as she downed the liquid in one gulp.
She grimaced, sticking out her tongue slightly as she muttered under her breath, “So gross.”
Setting the cup aside, she walked to the door, opening it just enough to poke her head out.
“Lirri?” she called softly.
No answer.
Valaena frowned. "Odd," she murmured before closing the door quietly.
Moving quickly but silently, she took a warm, damp rag from the washbasin and cleaned herself, ridding her skin of the evidence of her many vigorous encounters with Aemond.
Her insatiable husband was determined to make up for the weeks he had deprived them both due to his fears, and he had been unrestrained when they had returned to the Red Keep.
He took her many times with passion and ferocity in equal measure, his cock stirring as soon as he’d spilled his seed after every encounter, until he’d passed out from exhaustion.
Once refreshed, Valaena dressed herself in a comfortable gown and headed toward the nursery.
Rhaegar, Elaena, and Daenys were spending the day with Alicent, leaving only Aemon too check on.
She entered the room to find her youngest child still fast asleep, his tiny hand resting on the dragon egg nestled in his cradle.
This egg, gleaming with faint golden scales and red streaks, had been gifted from Syrax, her mother’s dragon.
It was a hopeful token, though it weighed heavily on her heart.
Neither her nor Aemond’s eggs had hatched in their youth, and they both knew the sting of disappointment as they were left on the ground as the others took to the skies.
Valaena prayed silently that Aemon would not have to endure the same fate, but upon closer inspection it would seem as though he would not, as she noticed a faint crack in the shell.
She let her hand hover over the shell, and she smiled as could feel the warmth and the unmistakable presence of life.
Leaning down, Valaena placed a soft kiss on his silver hair. “Dream sweetly, my little dragon, for you will also soar amongst the clouds alongside your brother and sisters-” she whispered.
Gently closing the door behind her, she turned to leave when a muffled scream caught her attention.
Her brows furrowed as the sound came from Lirri’s chambers.
Panic surged through her as she pushed the door open without hesitation.
The sight that greeted her made her freeze in the doorway.
Lirri sat in the centre of her bed, naked and flushed, her long hair dark falling in disarray around her shoulders.
“Oh, my gods-Lirri I’m so sorry I-AEGON?” shrieked Valaena.
“Good sister-” Aegon drawled, his grin widening as he folded both arms behind his head.
“W-What are you doing?” exclaimed Valaena.
“Errr-I think it’s fairly obvious what we were doing” said Aegon, moving his hips slightly, making Lirri gasp at the movement.
Arro quickly removed his hand from Aegon’s chest and scrambled out of the bed; his face red as he fumbled for his breeches.
“M-My l-lady-I-I apologise-” stuttered Arro.
Valaena’s violet eyes darted between the three, her voice faltering. “The three of you?”
Lirri covered her face with her hands, mortified, while Arro stood awkwardly, half-dressed, still stammering. “My—my lady, I-I-”
“How long has this been going on?” asked Valaena.
Aegon shrugged nonchalantly. “Couple of months, maybe?”
Valaena placed a hand on her hip, raising an eyebrow. “And you join in with them?” she asked Arro pointedly.
The guard blushed extended to the tips of his ears. “Yes, my lady. Sometimes I join in and other times, I just watch-”
“Right, and I take it Lirri is the woman you was telling me about?”
Aegon nods “Yes, she is-important to me”
For a moment, there was silence, and then Valaena let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. “Well, I guess I’ll leave the three of you to it then.”
Lirri slid off Aegon’s lap, clutching the sheet around her as she rushed after Valaena.
“Wait, my lady, please let me explain!”
Valaena turned, smiling gently. “You don’t have to, I will admit that I’m a little shocked, but it’s fine”
Lirri hesitated. “You’re-you’re all right with this?”
“As long as you’re happy and safe, that’s all that matters,” Valaena replied sincerely.
Relief washed over Lirri’s face as she nodded. “I am very happy, my lady and safe-”
“I’m glad,” Valaena said warmly, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
From the bed, Aegon piped up, “You’re not going to tell my mother, are you?”
Valaena snorted, rolling her eyes. “Gods, no.”
Aegon let out a sigh of relief, lounging back with his arms behind his head again.
As Valaena reached the door, she paused, a mischievous gleam in her eye. “Out of curiosity-” she began, turning to Lirri. “-Is Aegon, you know-good?”
Lirri’s face turned scarlet as she glanced at Aegon, then back to Valaena. “Very good, my lady.”
Valaena burst into laughter, waving a dismissive hand. “You and Arro are excused from your duties for the day. Enjoy yourselves, all three of you-”
She left the room giggling, her laughter echoing down the hall as the door clicked shut behind her.
The gentle sound of Aemon’s cries carried down the hall, immediately drawing Valaena’s attention.
She quickened her pace finding her son fussing in his cradle, his tiny hand still resting on the dragon egg.
Scooping him up, she held him close, murmuring soft reassurances as his cries settled into quiet whimpers.
Cradling Aemon against her chest, she made her way back to her chambers.
Pushing open the door, she found Aemond now awake, sitting in bed with his legs draped over the side, rubbing his face while wincing slightly as his fingers brushed too close to his left eye socket.
The sapphire embedded there glinted in the morning light, a stark contrast to his pale complexion.
“Are you ok?” Valaena asked, concern evident in her voice as she shifted Aemon to rest against her shoulder.
Aemond sighed, nodding faintly. “The sapphire, it’s irritating my eye socket a little today. Nothing I can’t handle.”
Valaena frowned and quickly moved toward the vanity, pulling out a soft cloth and a small jar of salve.
She also grabbed a bowl of clean water before turning back to Aemond.
“Here,” Aemond said, extending his arms toward her. “Let me take him.”
Valaena hesitated but then handed Aemon to his father.
Aemond took his son gently, pressing him against his bare chest.
Aemon immediately calmed, nestling into the warmth of his father’s skin, his tiny fist resting against Aemond’s collarbone.
“Lie back,” Valaena instructed softly.
Aemond reclined against the pillows as she approached with the damp cloth.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she dipped the cloth into the cool water and began to carefully dab around the edges of his scar and the sapphire.
Aemond hissed softly at first, but her touch was so gentle that the discomfort soon eased.
“How does it look?” he asked, his voice steady but tinged with curiosity.
“A little red,” Valaena admitted. “I don't think it’s nothing to worry about, though.”
Aemond nodded, his hand absently stroking Aemon’s fine silver hair as the baby rested quietly on his chest.
“He seems content,” Valaena observed with a soft smile. “I think he enjoys the sound of your heartbeat.”
Aemond’s expression softened as he gazed down at his son. “I’m glad my children can find comfort with me,” he said quietly.
“You’re a wonderful father, Aemond,” Valaena said firmly as she set the cloth aside and began applying the salve to the reddened edges of his eye socket and along the scar. “I know you worry about it sometimes, but you truly are.”
“It’s not like I had a great example of what a father should be,” he admitted, his tone tinged with the bitterness of memory.
Valaena paused, her gaze meeting his as she gently worked the salve into his skin.
“As much as I loved my grandsire, I also hated him for how he treated you, your brothers, and your sister. No child asks to be brought into the world—it was his duty to guide you, to love you. And he failed you all.”
“I got used to it,” Aemond said quietly, though there was a flicker of pain in his voice.
“I once asked him why he loved my mother the most,” Valaena said, her voice soft but contemplative. “Even as a child, it was obvious how he favoured her. He told me it was because of Aemma—the guilt he carried for her death. My mother was the last piece of Aemma he had left.”
Aemond reached out, taking her free hand in his. “In part, I understand his grief-especially after I almost lost you.”
Valaena paused, her thumb gently brushing over his knuckles. “But he still should have been there for all of you, not just one of you.”
Aemond nodded silently, his grip tightening on her hand. “Do you know how much I love you?” he asked after a moment, his voice low but full of emotion.
Valaena smiled, leaning closer. “A lot, I hope.”
He chuckled, the sound warm and unguarded. “With every fibre of my being. I love you.”
She leaned forward, her lips brushing against his in a tender kiss. The moment was quiet, intimate, and full of unspoken promises.
And then Aemon let out a loud fart, his tiny face scrunching up as it turned a vivid shade of red.
Followed by a loud squelching sound.
Valaena pulled back with a startled laugh. “Well, I think someone’s cloth is soiled,” she said, as she lifted Aemon from his father’s chest.
Aemond leaned back against the pillows with a groan, folding his arms.
“Way to ruin the moment son,” he muttered, wrinkling his nose at the unmistakable smell.
Valaena laughed, bouncing Aemon gently in her arms as she laid him at the end of the bed.
“Don’t worry, my love. There will be plenty more moments,” she teased, flashing him a playful grin.
Aemond huffed but couldn’t stop the small smile tugging at his lips.
Valaena finished securing the fresh cloth around Aemon, who was now kicking his legs eagerly.
She leaned down, nuzzling his tiny tummy until he squealed with delight, his little hands reaching for her face.
Valaena grinned, her heart full as she placed soft kisses on Aemon’s face.
“You should know,” she said, glancing at Aemond, who had just finished getting dressed “Aemon’s dragon egg has cracked.”
Aemond’s single eye lit up with a rare, genuine smile. “It shouldn’t be too long before another hatchling joins us.”
“No,” Valaena agreed warmly. “-but speaking of hatchlings, we need to talk to Rhaegar about Sapphyre. He’s getting far too large to be staying in his chambers.”
Aemond sighed, folding his arms. “I know Rhaegar won’t like it, but perhaps it’s time for Sapphyre to be with Vhagar and Silverwing. He needs space to grow properly.”
Valaena carefully dressed Aemon in fresh clothes, smoothing the soft fabric over his tiny body. “I think Rhaegar fears that Sapphyre will be chained in the pit.”
Aemond’s jaw tightened. “I will not allow such a thing to happen. That place-it is not fit for dragons. Or any living creature, for that matter.”
Valaena nodded, meeting his determined gaze. “As you know, I hate that place too.”
Aemond stepped closer, his voice low but firm. “I swear to you, the hatchlings will never see chains. Not while I have breath in my body.”
Valaena’s expression softened, and she reached out to touch his arm. “I believe you, my love.”
Aemon let out a loud gurgle, his legs kicking energetically again. Valaena laughed, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek.
“Someone’s eager to be on the move”
Aemond chuckled as he reached out and took Aemon into his arms, cradling him close. “How about I take this little one out flying with Vhagar?”
Valaena nodded, smoothing the baby’s hair. “Sure, I think he’d enjoy that. Oh—but before you go, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Aemond furrowed his brow. “What is it?”
She hesitated, then said with a wry smile, “I walked in on Lirri and Arro earlier-but they weren’t alone.”
Aemond’s expression shifted to confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Aegon was with them,” she said bluntly. “Seems the three of them are-a thing.”
Aemond blinked, then pursed his lips. “A thing, as in—”
Valaena nodded, cutting him off. “-Laying with each other. Yes”
Aemond exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “So that’s who he was talking about the other day-”
Valaena raised a brow. “You knew?”
“Not exactly,” he admitted, adjusting Aemon in his arms. “I knew he was involved in some kind of dalliance with a woman and a man. But I didn’t know it was Lirri and Arro.”
“Should we be worried?” Valaena asked, leaning against the edge of the bed.
“When it comes to Aegon, I’m always worried,” Aemond muttered. “I suppose the only thing we can do is keep an eye on it. And for the Seven’s sake, make sure Lirri drinks moon tea. I’ve accepted that my brother and sister have an understanding, but I won’t have Lirri birthing his child. He has enough bastards running around the streets of silk; he doesn’t need more.”
Valaena nodded. “I agree. But it’s not exactly ideal, especially if she wants a child with Arro.”
“That’s for them to sort out,” Aemond said firmly. “But I mean it, Valaena. I won’t have it.”
“I know,” she assured him, touching his arm again. “And I understand.” She smiled down at Aemon, who was squirming in his father’s hold. “Right—let’s get this little one ready. He’s clearly getting impatient and I said I’d help Aegon and Viserys with their high Valyrian-”
Aemond grinned, shifting Aemon to a more comfortable position. “Our little dragon. Is eager to get into the sky.”
Valaena laughed as Aemon gurgled in delight, his tiny fingers grasping at Aemond’s tunic. “He’s certainly determined-”
“Of course-”Aemond said with mock seriousness. “He’s my son, after all.”
The library was quiet except for the soft murmur of Valaena’s voice as she spoke in High Valyrian, guiding her younger brothers, Aegon and Viserys, through a lesson.
Aegon leaned forward, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he attempted to mimic her pronunciation.
Viserys, meanwhile, sat cross-legged on the floor, doodling dragons in the corner of his parchment when he thought no one was looking.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and Luke’s dark curly head popped through the gap. “Is it safe?” he asked cautiously, his eyes darting around the room.
Valaena laughed, leaning back in her chair. “Aemond has taken Aemon flying with Vhagar. You’re safe—for now.”
Luke’s face lit up. “Jace! She’s in here and finally free of Aemond!”
The door burst open as Luke came barrelling through, Jace trailing behind him with a less enthusiastic stride.
“Sister,” Jace greeted her with a grin, “It’s good to finally see you without your one-eyed—never mind,” he quickly corrected, catching the venomous glare Valaena shot his way.
Luke flopped into an armchair, his legs hanging over the armrest. “What are you doing?”
“Helping Aeg and Vis learn High Valyrian,” Valaena replied, gesturing to her brothers.
“Why didn’t Mother just ask Gerardys?” Jace asked, frowning. “He was the one who taught me.”
“Because he’s the Grand Maester,” Valaena said, rolling her eyes. “He has more important things to do. And if I recall, you didn’t actually finish learning the language of our forebears.”
Jace scoffed. “Just because Daemon taught you—”
“And Luke,” Valaena interrupted with a smirk. “You’re just lazy.”
Jace stuck his tongue out at her. “Am not!”
“Yes, you are,” Valaena shot back without missing a beat.
Jace sat up straighter, puffing out his chest. “Keligon lēda nūmāzma!” (Stop with mean).
Valaena exchanged a knowing look with Luke before sighing. “It’s actually Keligon issare nūmāzma, ao rōva mittys.” (Stop being mean, you big idiot).
Jace blinked. “Did you just call me a fool?”
“No,” Valaena said with a grin. “I called you a big idiot.”
Luke burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. “Sīr skorkydoso glaesā mandia?” (So, how are you sister).
Valaena smiled warmly. “Iksan sȳrī kirimvose.” (I am well, thank you)
“That’s not fair!” Jace grumbled, glaring at them.
“Well,” Valaena teased, “-If you had kept learning, you’d know what we were saying.”
Little Aegon, who had been following the exchange with wide violet eyes, giggled before chiming in. “Aōha sīr doru-borto rōva lēkia.” (Your so dumb, big brother)
Both Valaena and Luke burst into laughter as Jace glowered at his younger brother. “What did he just say?”
Viserys, still doodling, added helpfully, “Se ziry’s jiōraton quba ōghar.” (And he’s got bad hair).
That sent Valaena and Luke into another fit of laughter.
Jace scowled. “Ao aspo!” (You bitch),
“Oh, so you know what that means?” Valaena teased.
Jace crossed his arms. “I called you a bitch.”
“Yeah, I know,” Valaena replied with a smirk. “Duh-”
Aegon yawned, looking up at her. “Mandia, issi īlon tetan?” (Sister, are we finished?)
“Syt tubī kessa,” Valaena said gently. (For today, yes).
Viserys perked up. “Can we go play with Jaehaerys and Jaehaera now?”
“Of course, I’ll come with you-” Valaena said, standing and stretching. “I want to see Helaena anyway.”
Before the little ones scampered off, Jace slouched deeper into his chair, sulking. Valaena walked over and wrapped her arms around him from behind, ruffling his hair.
“Turn that frown upside down, little brother.”
“Pffft” muttered Jace still scowling.
Luke stood and stretched. “I think I’ll come with you with you as well”
Valaena nodded. “Are you coming, Jace, or are you going to keep throwing a tantrum like a little girl?”
Jace grumbled as he stood. “I don’t like it when you pick on me.”
“Now you know how Aemond felt when you used to do it to him,” Valaena said pointedly as they left the library.
“That wasn’t just me, you know!” Jace protested.
“Yes. I’m well aware of that,” Valaena said with a knowing smile.
Later that night, Valaena had just finished tucking her children into bed and was on her way out of Rhaegar’s chambers when a figure rushed past her, sobbing.
She barely caught sight of Lirri’s tear-streaked face before the young woman disappeared into her chambers.
Alarmed, Valaena turned and followed, pushing the door open to find Lirri crumpled on her bed, her body shaking with quiet, wrenching sobs.
Valaena approached and sat down beside her, resting a comforting hand on her back.
“Lirri, what’s wrong?” she asked gently.
Lirri sat up, her breath hitching as she wiped her face with trembling hands.
“Aegon has ended our involvement,” she managed between sobs.
Valaena frowned. “How come?”
“He said he worries his mother will find out,” Lirri said, her voice breaking.
Valaena let out an incredulous scoff. “A pathetic excuse. Since when has Aegon cared about his mother’s approval? He certainly didn’t when he busied himself with the whores on the Street of Silk.”
Lirri sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “I love Arro very much. He’s kind and gentle, but I—I—”
Valaena’s expression softened. “You love Aegon too,” she finished for her.
Lirri nodded, her face crumpling again. “Yes. Very much.”
Valaena sighed, squeezing Lirri’s hand. “It’s a rather unique situation, that’s for certain.”
Lirri hesitated, looking down. “Are you ashamed of me, my lady?”
“Never,” Valaena said firmly, taking Lirri’s hand in both of hers. “How could you even think such a thing?”
Lirri lowered her gaze. “Because I do not act as a woman should.”
“And who decides how a woman should act?” Valaena asked, her voice sharp with disdain. “A man? Please. Most days they don’t know their arse from their elbow.” She softened her tone. “All I ask is that you’re being careful.”
“Careful, my lady?” Lirri asked, frowning.
“The customs in Westeros are vastly different from those in Essos,” Valaena explained. “I know Aegon has some kind of understanding with Helaena but—”
“Yes,” Lirri said. “He loves her like a sister, not a wife.”
“That may be so, but she is still his wife in the eyes of gods and men,” Valaena said. “Having his child would dishonour her.”
Lirri stiffened. “He’s sired children on other women before.”
“Yes,” Valaena admitted. “But given how close you and I are, it wouldn’t be fair to Helaena to have her husband’s illegitimate child living in the Red Keep.”
Lirri’s face burned with shame. “Have no fear, my lady. Aegon does not spill his seed inside—”
“That’s something, at least,” Valaena muttered. “But what else did Aegon say to upset you so?”
Lirri hesitated, her voice trembling. “He told me he had fun but that it’s over. And then he became cruel and called me he called me a byka līve.”
Valaena’s expression darkened, her eyes narrowing with fury. “Oh, Did he, now? We’ll see about that.”
Before Lirri could stop her, Valaena shot to her feet and stormed out of the room.
Ignoring Lirri’s frantic calls, she marched through the Red Keep, her anger bubbling hotter with every step.
When she reached Aegon’s chambers, she didn’t knock. She shoved the door open, finding him mid-conversation with Aemond.
“You!” she shouted, pointing at Aegon.
Aegon turned, startled, but had no time to respond before Valaena barrelled toward him.
She knocked him to the ground and climbed on top of him, her fists flying as she struck any part of him, she could reach.
“You dare call her a little whore?” Valaena snarled, her words punctuated by punches. “The only whore around here is you—rude, selfish, arrogant, pig!”
Aegon giggled through the chaos, half-laughing, half-wheezing.
Aemond finally stepped in, wrapping his arms around Valaena and pulling her off. She struggled against him, still thrashing.
“No! You don’t understand—he needs to suffer!”
“What has he done?” Aemond asked, his voice calm but firm.
“He ended his involvement with Lirri and called her a little whore,” Valaena spat. “I won’t have it—I won’t!”
Aegon groaned as he climbed to his feet, rubbing his jaw. “I’m sorry, all right?”
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to, you vicious little CUNT!” Valaena shouted, lunging again.
This time, she wrapped her hands around his throat, shaking him.
“Valaena” exclaimed Aemond, his arms folded across his chest, watching with mild amusement.
“You will go to her, you will apologize, and you will do whatever it takes to make her happy again. Do you hear me?”
Aegon gasped, clawing at her hands. “Aemond—help—get her off me!”
But Valaena released him on her own, shoving him away.
Aegon staggered back, coughing and rubbing his neck. “Gods,” he wheezed. “You really are strong.”
Valaena stepped forward again, ready to pounce, but Aemond quickly grabbed her. “Whoa there, my feisty dragon, that’s enough-”
Valaena struggled briefly against Aemond’s vice like grip, but then relented.
Aegon straightened, still catching his breath. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I-I just got scared.”
“Scared of what?” Valaena snapped. “We’re not going to say anything.”
“Y-You’re not?” Aegon asked, eyes wide.
“No,” Valaena said firmly. “I would never allow harm to come to Lirri—or Arro, for that matter.”
Aegon sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I love her. Gods, I love them both.”
“Then go make it right,” Valaena said, her voice low and dangerous. “Or so help me, I’ll cut you from cock to throat.”
Aemond smirked faintly. “Better do as she says, brother, she’s serious-”
Aegon nodded quickly and fled the room.
As the door slammed shut, Aemond turned to Valaena, his expression dark and intense.
He grabbed her and slammed her back against the wall, pressing his body against hers.
His hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing her cheek.
“Watching you kick the crap out of Aegon was-incredible,” he murmured, his voice low and husky.
Valaena smiled, sliding her hands up his arms to his shoulders. “Oh, really?”
“Made my blood hot,” Aemond admitted, leaning closer, before capturing her lips in a ferocious, searing kiss.
Without breaking contact, Aemond gripped her thighs and lifted her effortlessly, pressing her against the cool stone wall.
Her hands flew to his shoulders, anchoring herself as her breath hitched, her body heating under his touch.
Aemond’s hand slid down her side, rough and eager, while his other braced her firmly against him.
His lips left hers to trail down her jaw, nipping and kissing the sensitive skin of her neck as she arched into him.
“Aemond,” Valaena breathed, her voice shaky yet teasing.
His eye, dark with desire, met hers as he rasped, “Hmm?”
“Are we really doing this in here?” she asked, her lips curling into a faint smile despite her breathlessness.
“Why not?” Aemond murmured, his voice gravelly and thick with longing.
His hand reached between them, fumbling with the ties of his breeches.
Valaena laughed softly, her cheeks flushed, as her fingers tangled in his long silver hair, tugging lightly. “You’re impossible.”
“And you love it,” he retorted, capturing her lips again with fervent intensity, his body pressed hard against hers, the tension between them crackling like wildfire.
Aemond’s hand then moved beneath her dress and with a sharp tug, he tore her smallclothes away, the fabric ripping with a sound that echoed in the room.
Valaena gasped, her fingers tightening in his hair. “Oh gods, Aemond,” she breathed.
Aemond growled low in his throat, his hand moving to guide himself.
Without hesitation, he thrust into her in one fluid motion, burying himself to the hilt. Both of them cried out, their voices mingling in the air between them.
Aemond wasn’t gentle. His movements were raw, driven by an all-consuming need.
Each thrust was powerful, stealing her breath and leaving her clinging to him.
Her nails dug into his shoulders, her hips moving in time with his as they chased the same desperate rhythm.
“Valaena-fuck-” he murmured against her neck, his voice rough and low.
The sound of her name, spoken with such intensity, sent a shiver through her.
Her hands moved to his back, her fingers pressing hard.
“Aemond, don’t stop-oh gods” Moaned Valaena, her head falling back against the wall.
The tension coiling between them threatened to snap, the sheer intensity of their passion overwhelming.
He kissed her again, his lips bruising and fierce, as if he couldn’t bear to let her go.
“You’re mine,” growled Aemond against her mouth, his hips driving into hers with a possessive fervour that left no doubt of his claim.
“Yes,” she gasped, her voice breaking as her body tightened around him. “Always.”
“Tell me how it feels” demands Aemond.
“It’s good, so good-yes-yes, don’t stop-oh god. Please-please-”
Valaena praises sets something off inside Aemond as he continues to pound into her.
“Aemond, please, I’m close, so close” whimpers Valaena.
Aemond moves a hand down to where the two of them are joined, and rubs her pearl in slow circles, dragging her closer the edge of the precipice.
“I never want to leave this sweet cunt–fuck,” groans Aemond as he marks each of his words in tandem with a rough snap of his hips.
Valaena peaks with a loud, scream, her body shuddering.
Aemond then shifts his hold on Valaena, pulling her away from the wall without breaking their connection.
He carried her to Aegon’s bed, laying her down against the dishevelled sheets.
His hips snapping against hers with unrelenting force.
Valaena’s hands roamed over his back, her fingers clutching at his tunic as she arched into him.
Her lips curved into a mischievous smile, her voice teasing as she gasped, “Fucking your wife in your brother’s bed, Aemond? Really?”
Aemond chuckled, his laughter low and rough. “Oh well,” he said, smirking as he hooked her legs over his shoulders, driving deeper. “I’ll send him new sheets as a gift.”
The humour in the moment only heightened the passion between them, but then Aemond’s eye caught on something sitting on the bedside table—a smooth, carved wooden object.
Aemond’s rhythm faltered for the briefest moment as he frowned. “What the hell is that?”
Valaena followed his gaze, her cheeks flushing faintly as she realized what he’d seen.
She quickly tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling his face back down to hers. “Best not think about it,” she whispered, her voice sultry as she claimed his lips in a searing kiss.
Aemond resumed his relentless pace, his hips slamming into hers.
“Are you close my sweet?” asked Valaena, her teeth nibbling Aemond’s neck.
“Gods yes. I’m close. Fuck-Valaena” groaned Aemond.
“That’s it. Let go”
“J-Just a little longer-fuck I’m going to-” groans Aemond as he slams into Valaena before reaching his own peak, spilling rope after rope of seed inside her.
After a few moments, Aemond gently moved Valaena’s legs from his shoulders, his chest heaving with every breath he takes, his cock still twitching.
“I-I wasn’t too rough with you, was I?” asked Aemond.
“No. Gods, I-It was so wonderful” exclaimed Valaena, her body shaking slightly.
Aemond smirks as he slowly removes his softened cock from her slick cunt, his singular eye fixated on the drops of seed that spill out.
He takes a finger to Valaena’s opening and pushes his seed back inside, delighting in her moan of surprise.
Aemond then leans over to press a gentle kiss to her lips, before bringing his finger to his own mouth and sucking it clean.
He then lays down on the bed, pulling Valaena close to him.
After a few minutes, Aemond’s curiosity got the better of him as his eye returned to the offending wooden object. His brow furrowed in obvious confusion.
“Valaena, what is that thing?” he asked, his voice tinged with equal parts irritation and intrigue.
Valaena groaned, dropping her head back onto the pillow in exasperation. “Aemond, you really don’t want to know-”
Aemond then had an inclination of what it was and wrinkled his nose, glancing back at it with a grimace.
“Gods, my brother is such a deviant,” he muttered, his expression twisting between disgust and begrudging amusement.
Valaena burst into laughter, grabbing Aemond’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. “Forget about it, my love,” she murmured against his lips, her tone soothing but with a playful edge.
With a small sigh of resignation and a shake of his head, Aemond kissed her deeply. “Fine. But I’m having that thing burned later.”
Valaena bit her lip to stifle her laughter. “Good luck explaining that to your brother and Lirri-”
TBC.
#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen#hotd aemond#aemond fanfiction#hotd fanfic#aemond fic#hotd fic#aemond one eye#aemond x oc#aemond#prince aemond#aemond smut#aemond targaryen smut#prince aemond targaryen
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It was no use at all
(Matty Healy x Daughter!r)
Warnings: yelling, crying, breakups, angst, lowk just hurt/comfort???? Idk, reader is like pre teen ish, the ending is good at least so hm
A/n: I wrote this in two hours and I’m posting it now immediately after….idk what’s happening man
You were sitting cross-legged on the couch, a tattered math workbook spread out in front of you. The numbers on the page blurred together as you frowned, chewing the end of your pencil in frustration. When the front door creaked open, you looked up, relief flooding your face.
“Hi, Dad,” you called, watching Matty shuffle inside.
His response was a half-hearted hum as he kicked off his boots and tossed his keys into the bowl. He trudged into the living room, never meeting your eyes, collapsing into the armchair with a sigh. His fingers rubbed at his temples, and his whole posture screamed exhaustion.
“You okay?” you asked, your pencil hovering above the workbook.
“Yeah,” he muttered, his voice low and clipped. “Just tired.”
You studied him for a moment, noting the tight set of his jaw and the way his fingers trembled slightly as he ran them through his curls. Something was off, but you weren’t sure if you should press him about it.
Instead, you turned back to your workbook. “Can you help me with this?” you asked after a moment, holding up the page. “I don’t get it.”
He barely glanced at you before shaking his head. “Not now,” he said curtly.
“Please? I’ve been stuck on it for like an hour.”
He let out a sharp sigh, his hand dropping to his lap. “I said not now, alright?”
His tone made you flinch, but you tried again. “It’s just one problem-”
“For God’s sake, can’t you figure it out yourself?” he snapped, letting out a sigh after. “You’re not a little kid anymore!”
Your mouth fell open, the pencil slipping from your hand. “What’s your problem?” you asked, your voice trembling. “Why are you yelling at me?”
Matty leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Because I’m tired,” he said, his voice muffled. “Tired of always having to—” He stopped himself, exhaling sharply.
“Having to do what?” you challenged, hurt and confusion swirling in your chest. “Help me? Be my dad? Do your job?”
His head snapped up at that, regret flashing in his eyes. “That’s not what I meant,” he said quickly, but the damage was done.
You stood, grabbing your workbook and shoving it under your arm. “Forget it,” you muttered, storming toward the kitchen.
“Wait,” He called after you, but you ignored him, slamming the door behind you.
…
After the fight, after you’d stormed off and left your dad sitting alone in the living room with the weight of his guilt, he pulled out his phone. His thumb hovered over the contact list for a moment before settling on George’s name.
The phone rang twice before George picked up, his voice crackling with familiar sarcasm. “What’s wrong now, Matty? Writer’s block or midlife crisis?”
“Neither,” Matty grumbled. “I need advice.”
“Should I be worried?” George teased, but there was a note of concern beneath the humor.
“Is Charli there?” Matty asked, leaning back into the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, why?” George asked, and Matty could hear Charli’s voice faintly in the background. “Hang on, she’s coming.”
A moment later, Charli’s voice chimed in. “What do you need now, Matthew?”
Matty sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “I messed up. Big time.”
“Define ‘big time,’” Charli said, her tone shifting to something softer but still wary.
“I yelled at her,” Matty slowly admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Like, really yelled. Over nothing. She just asked me for help with her homework, and I lost it. And now she’s mad at me, and I feel like the worst dad in the world.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line before George broke it with a dry laugh. “Well, mate, you’ve definitely hit peak ‘dad meltdown.’ Congrats.”
“George!” Charli scolded, though Matty could hear the smile in her voice.
“I’m serious!” George protested. “It’s a rite of passage, losing your cool over math homework. Classic stuff.”
“It’s not funny,” Matty snapped, though his voice lacked bite. “I scared her, George. She looked at me like I was some kind of monster.”
Charli’s tone turned gentle. “Matty, she knows you’re not a monster. But you’ve got to own it. Apologize, explain yourself, and make it right. She’s old enough to understand that you’re human too.”
“Yeah,” George added, “just don’t get all sappy about it. She’s almost a teenager. They can smell weakness.”
Matty groaned, tipping his head back against the couch. “You’re both useless.”
“Hey, we’re not the ones yelling at kids,” George shot back, though there was no malice in his tone. “Seriously, though, you’ll be fine. You’re a good dad, Matty. Even good dads screw up sometimes.”
Your dad just hummed.
Charli didn’t hesitate. “We know so. Now go sort it out before she starts plotting revenge.”
Matty chuckled weakly. “Thanks, guys.”
“Just don’t call us when she starts asking about boys.”
“Goodbye, George,” Matty said firmly, hanging up before his friend could say anything else.
…
Your Dad made his way up the stairs and to your room. He knocked softly, the door opening slightly. He didn’t realize it was cracked open. You had a habit of eavesdropping and Matty wanted to bet you kept your door open to listen to his phone conversation. He didn’t mind though. To him it was proof that he cared and that you heard him.
He knocked on the door to grab your attention before leaning on the doorframe. You didn’t look up at him or did nothing to acknowledge his presence. He spoke anyway, “You still need help with that?”
He could see you thinking about it - the wheels processing in your head. You were stubborn, just like him, you weren’t going to give in that easily. Yet, you were still stuck on the same twenty problems you had been on an hour ago.
You nodded, still not meeting his eyes. He sat next to you on the ground and gestured for you to hand him the workbook. Once you handed it to him you brought your knees up to your chest. “Jeez, they’re teaching you these things already? I swore I didn’t learn this till algebra I.”
You shrugged, “I’m in the advanced placement class, remember?” you reminded him shyly.
He nodded, “Of course you are.”
When you finally solved the last problem, you leaned back with a small smile, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “Got it,” you said softly, closing the workbook.
Matty ruffled your hair, trying to lighten the mood. “See? Knew you’d crack it. Smart kid.”
You didn’t swat his hand away this time. Instead, you stayed still, your gaze fixed on the closed workbook, playing with its frayed edges.
Something twisted in his chest. “You okay?” he asked gently.
You nodded quickly, but the way you blinked and turned your head to the side gave you away. Your dads heart sank when he saw the tear slip down your cheek, catching in the faint glow of the desk lamp.
“Hey, hey,” he murmured, sliding closer. His earlier confidence evaporated, replaced by a protective urgency. “What’s wrong, love? Talk to me.”
You shook your head, swiping at your cheek. “I’m fine.”
Matty wasn’t buying it. “No, you’re not,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “Is this about earlier?”
You hesitated, your hands fidgeting in your lap. “I just…” You trailed off, your voice barely audible. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I thought maybe if I did the math with you, you’d feel better. But it didn’t work. You just got mad, and I-I don’t know.”
Your words hit Matty like a punch to the gut. His hands hovered awkwardly for a moment before he reached out, pulling you into a hug while you sat in his lap. You didn’t resist, but you didn’t relax into him, either.
He held you tighter, his chest aching. “You didn’t bother me,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I was being a selfish twat. None of this was your fault- not the fight, not anything. I was upset about something else, and I took it out on you, and that’s not fair.”
You didn’t respond, but your head dropped against his chest, your quiet sniffles cutting through the silence.
Matty pulled back just a bit. Enough for his thumb to catch the few tears that had fallen. He paused for a moment, searching for the words. “I… there’s something I need to tell you.”
You looked up at him, blinking in surprise.
He took a deep breath, the weight of the words heavy in his chest. “She broke up with me today.”
You blinked again, clearly processing. “What?”
Matty exhaled slowly, trying to find some clarity amid the haze of emotions. “It…it doesn’t really matter. But I was angry. And I thought I could ignore it, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and then you-” His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard. “And I took it out on you. That’s not fair. I’m so sorry.”
You didn’t say anything for a long moment, just curled into him, quiet but comforting.
Matty pulled you closer, his hand gently resting on the back of your head. “I’ll make it right, I swear. You didn’t deserve any of that. You never do.”
You nodded, but there was a sadness in your eyes that didn’t fade.
He sighed, the weight of his earlier actions still heavy on his shoulders. He rubbed your back, a comforting motion, but deep down, he knew the words wouldn’t be enough this time. He had more to make up for.
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry.”
You didn’t say anything for a while, but you didn’t pull away either. Eventually, as the quiet stretched between the two of you, you leaned back against him, your head resting on his chest.
After a long, quiet moment, you murmured, “I liked her, you know.”
Matty’s heart clenched, and he swallowed hard, blinking back the sting of tears that had nothing to do with his breakup and everything to do with the delicate truth in your voice.
“I know you did,” he said softly, his fingers brushing through your hair, his chest tightening. “She was good to you, wasn’t she.”
“I liked her,” you repeated, your voice quiet but sure. “She made you happy, and I liked that.”
Your dad smiled. He kissed the top of your head. “I know, love. But you make me the happiest. You’re the only girl I need.”
You didn’t reply, but you didn’t pull away either. The warmth of his embrace was everything, comfortable and safe in a way that made the sadness feel a little more bearable.
“You know,” he murmured after a while, “I can’t promise I won’t screw up again, but I’ll try. I’ll keep trying. We’re in this together, okay?”
“Okay,” you whispered back, and for the first time in a while, the softness in your voice felt real.
Matty leaned his head down and kissed the top of your hair, holding you close. As the minutes passed, he let his heart settle, but he knew the work wasn’t over. There was still healing to be done, and he would be there, doing everything he could, every step of the way.
#literally 2 hours#I think it’s adorable tho#the 1975#x daughter!reader#matty healy#matty healy x daughter!reader#matty healy x reader#matty the 1975#matty x reader#george daniel
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hi! its my first time asking but any thoughts on rosé cuz goddamn i love her so much
and also can i be 😎
THANK YOU!
it surprises me that i haven’t talked about her yet because those who know me know that she is my main girl. okay, sure, her, jennie and yeri actually fight for the position from time to time but she’s the top suitor, number one girl fr. it’s so not healthy to ask me about her because i could talk about her for hours and it’s not even a joke, the posts i miss the most from the old blog are hers :( like, sugar baby!rosé, vampire’s reader crazy gf!rosé… come back to me, i miss you all 😢
now let’s talk about something that haunts me: secretary, controversially younger sugar baby and mistress!rosé. you feel so bad, that’s an awful thing to do to your partner, but then you enter the hotel room she’s waiting you at and sees her in bed looking like the most ethereal little fawn against the pillows wearing the pretty silk set you bought her, pouting, softly snoring… how were you supposed to not fall for her? all thoughts are out of your head because look at your baby, got all dolled up and you took so long to arrive. suddenly everything you want is to take off your shoes, get into bed and awake her with soft kisses. and she’s so happy to awaken, honestly, jumping onto your arms with this huge smile for a real kiss, running over her own words “i missed you so much why did you take so long no it doesn’t matter i dont care i misseeeed you”. the type to not let go of you, whines when you get up to shower even if you promise you’ll take minutes, seats on your lap while you two eat dinner but you have to feed her yourself because she talks and talks and talks and the talking turns into moaning because the food is gone and you’re just looking at her with this lovingly gaze, asking “really, baby?” and rubbing gently between her legs over her shorts and she has nothing underneath and is starting to feel her hole leak and seep through the fabric with ease.
she’s your little secret but maybe not so little, there is a number of people who have seen her sneaking into your office at not so busy hours of the day only to come out thirty minutes later all smiley and glowing, something new in the air around her, sitting behind her desk fixing makeup and hair. or the glances you throw at her outfits, expensive pieces she certainly isn’t buying with secretary money or how she doesn’t know to act when your partner shows up unannounced for some reason. but who cares? it’s not their business if the boss is fucking her younger secretary or not.
and she doesn’t want to ruin your marriage, really, but there’s no guilty in her when your marriage is already failed, she knows it’s all an act… but that doesn’t mean she can’t get jealous. totally does not storm inside your office after your partner leaves to passive aggressively ask how they were, trying to be nonchalant but staying in the middle of the room staring at you with her arms crossed. you might try to convince her to come to you but she won’t, leaving you to get up and walk to her, taking her pretty face in hands and kissing the pout away, telling her to “stop being silly, rosie” and it takes her guards down because she knows there’s nothing to worry about :( ends up bend over your desk and basically drooling, her pants undone and all the way down her ankles and keeping her ass cheeks spread open for you, who is kneeling and slurping on her sweet cunt from behind.
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Okay, I need to get this out of my system.
I have planned to post the sequel to my YOI novelisation in exactly a month from now. My beta said that the sequel feels like an actual continuation of YOI and a friend is even drawing a cover picture, which is just so amazing. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like I'm bound to regret releasing this story a couple of weeks later.
I won't lie. CYHMH had the total opposite of a dream start. I even paused the story for an entire year to get a beta reader because I failed to keep my audience interested and concluded that it was obviously bad. Or maybe it only did so poorly because it can't compete with other novelisations. I don't know and I don't want to know because if I learned the truth, I would probably shoot myself.
The story has 600+ kudos, but that's not reflected in the hits/chapter at all despite all the improvements I've made. The number of hits/chapter which had skyrocketed for a brief time span earlier this year (aka after I resumed posting the improved version) has decreased by 75% since June and hasn't recovered since. Often, I lose bookmarks and subscriptions within hours after posting a new chapter, which couldn't be a more obvious feedback.
I see this loss in interest also reflected in my chapter announcements and previews (not they had ever been great to begin with). Often, I'm the only person reblogging them because rarely anyone else does. On the other hand, my post that I would postpone the latest chapter due to the US elections was so popular and the contrast to the reactions when I finally posted that chapter was so huge that I wonder if people just want me to shut up and stop posting. To be honest, not posting would save me a lot of time and spoons because, let's be frank: writing for a mostly silent audience is just not it. (I have a little bit more engagement on other socials, but the downwards trend is the same there.)
There are only three chapters of CYHMH left to post. The story is at its climax and seeing the lack of interest and enthusiasm so close to the end is just so fucking disheartening after putting so much work into this story which I call my love letter to YOI. Maybe I don't write the kind of stories that inspire the majority of its readers to gush about it, but a part of me had been hoping for at least some people to be thrilled that the chapter was finally out. Or to be at least excited about the sequel. And I can't decide whether my writing just sucks that much to most people, if you're just silent because you only talk about my stories in some exclusionist fic club, or whether a sequel is just not wanted or needed due to the fandom being already saturated with that kind of story.
Would you guys prefer that I stop posting? If you really want to read my YOI sequel or just anything for that matter, I beg you to tell me and to support me.
#yoi#yoi novelisation#can you hear my heartbeat#fandom things#I'm talking about a wider issue here#not about the two friends who regularly support me
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a quiet undoing
buddie - post-808 coda - read on ao3
“Eddie’s moving to Texas.”
Maddie blinks at Buck, processing his words. It’s barely a second before her head tilts, and her eyebrows draw in, and she’s looking at him like he’s six again, like he’s fallen from his bike and all she wants to do is patch him up.
Protect him from the world.
“Oh, Buck,” she says, soft like she’s worried he’s fragile, like he might break, and maybe he will, because he doesn’t even remember it, driving to her house.
It’s all a blur.
Going to Eddie’s with a basket of baked goods.
Using his key and feeling that quiet thrill in his chest at the click of the front door unlocking.
Teasing Eddie about whatever he was looking at.
And then, being hit with something that Buck never imagined he would be. The prospect of Eddie leaving LA.
Of leaving him.
“I don’t — I’m not sure why I’m here,” Buck says, voice feeling tight with a fresh wave of tears. The first lot came when he was sitting on Eddie’s couch, when Eddie was no longer watching him and he allowed himself a moment not to pretend. They’re harder to swallow down this time. “I just got in my car and somehow ended up here.”
“That’s okay,” Maddie says, reaching out to put a hand on his arm, coaxing him inside. “I’m glad you came.”
She leads them to her couch, and Buck sits down, trying not to think about Eddie’s couch.
How many times has he sat there with Eddie? With Chris?
How many times has he slept there?
How many of Buck’s memories have been born on Eddie’s couch?
And now, he’s just spent an hour there on a call with a real estate agent, trying not to be anything but supportive as Eddie asked about different properties in fucking Texas.
Because how could he be?
Eddie misses Chris more than anything in the world.
He needs to be with him.
Buck understands, even if it feels like his own heart has been carved out of his chest.
“He wants to be with Chris,” Buck says, he’s not sure how long later. Time doesn’t feel like it’s moving quite like normal. “He’s looking at houses. I don’t understand why he doesn’t just fly there and bring him home. This is his home, Maddie, not Texas.”
“Buck…”
“I know, I’m not — I would never say this to him, don’t worry. I’ll let him go, even if it kills me. Even if I…”
The words get caught in his throat, and god, it’s love that’s strangling him right now, he knows it.
Another thing he can always associate with Eddie’s couch.
His eyes burn, and his chest feels cracked open, and it’s as Maddie’s pulling him in for a hug that he finally breaks. Tears hot on his cheeks, half-formed breaths shuddering out of him, his entire being — body and soul — aching with grief.
He’s always been an easy crier, always felt things too hard, too much, but he can’t recall the last time it felt this overwhelming.
Not when Tommy broke up with him.
Not when he was coming to terms with his own death — three minutes and seventeen seconds.
Not even when Maddie left, as much as it killed him.
It was probably when Eddie was shot. When Buck broke down in front of Chris.
Now, it’s Maddie who holds onto him as he sobs, murmuring soft words he can’t quite process as his body shakes with sorrow, as he tries to come to terms with the reality of yet another person he loves leaving him.
It’s minutes, or maybe hours, until he’s wrung dry, until the tears have stopped and his face feels tight and sticky and his heart continues its confused, worried beat within his chest: how will we go on?
Buck doesn’t know.
But he wipes at his eyes, and takes a slow breath, and this is what he does know:
He’s in love with Eddie.
And it’s because of that love, that he’ll let him go.
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I sometimes re-read posts from "The Before Times": from before the Sewage Flood of '22, before we discovered the Slow Methane Leak that had been gassing the house for YEARS, before Felix was officially diagnosed with HOLE IN THE BRAIN.
This specific post was during a time when we were desperately trying to figure out why things were getting better in some ways and so much worse in others. Felix especially was dealing with mental and physical issues that should have gotten better after he quit his super stressful job.
The information we have now doesn't invalidate the conclusions Felix came to in the original post: his hormones were all over the place & his diet needed changing. And responding to those issues helped eliminate some symptoms that were specifically related to those problems. The changes helped him have a clearer head a year later when I ended up going crazy* from methane overexposure.
The fact that we had been working with doctors for several years actually helped us out a lot when it came to Felix's migraines. When we finally got to a neurologist, he could see that we weren't chasing painkillers. He ordered the MRI for Felix's head that we had been trying to get for soo long. And fought insurance to give us the prescription that actually made a difference in the severity of the migraines Felix suffers from.
And today we have a much better handle on our physical and mental health. We learned how to talk to each other about what's going on in our heads. We learned so much about how to help each other physically. We know what it looks like when one/both of us are suffering from methane exposure, and how to get the gas out of our living environment, so we can actually unpack boxes of stuff that we haven't touched since early 2022.
We are literally getting our past back. There are art projects that Felix was in the middle of that were boxed up alongside the reference books that were sitting on the same table. Trinkets and keepsakes that were on the shelves of bookcases and cabinets from our adventures, separately & together, are finding new spaces in our apartment. Our dried boutonnieres from our wedding day were briefly on display and then quickly put in a cabinet because our cats are rose-eating monsters.
Sometimes I wish I could reach back in time to 2020-2021 us, but I don't know what I'd say. What we went through in 2022 was horrific. We are still picking up the pieces. What kind of warning could prepare past-us for what was to come?
And then I remember a strange encounter we had early in 2021. We were in the beginning stages of our channeling experiments. I was the channeler for a specific entity that had previously given us advice that had turned out to be prophetic, so Felix at some point asked them, "What is the most important thing we should know for our future?" The entity made a painful grimace that made my face ache for a few hours afterwards, then said, "Keep going. No matter what happens, just... Keep. Going." They refused to elaborate, and Felix dismissed the entity soon afterwards. We were puzzled by the cryptic nature of the message and the swirling mass of negative emotions - anguish, fear, anger, regret - that my body felt at the moment the entity grimaced. But we followed the advice, reminding each other that we should "keep going" when times were difficult and situations seemed impossible to overcome.
I now realize that I don't have to reach back in time to warn anyone. Someone else already did. And now I pass on that advice to you in hopes that it helps you as it has helped us so many times:
Keep going. No matter what happens, just... Keep. Going. _____________
*I'm not using that phrase lightly. I completely lost touch with reality and ended up in a hospital psych ward for 12 hours. The hospital didn't handle me well (symptoms hand-waved as "THC overdose" with no tests confirming that diagnosis...), but the event did shock me back into reconnecting with reality again.
Having Mental Illness
It’s hard to talk about my experience with mental illness sometimes because I’m not diagnosed by a professional for “everything I have.” For instance, in my household we all know that I have depression and anxiety, but it’s not really nailed down on my medical chart whether I have Generalized Anxiety or Major Depression. I’ve talked to my doctor about my anxiety, my “moods” as it is usually termed in the doctor’s office, and had my spouse at my side during the discussions, and been prescribed Zoloft for my symptoms even, and the takeaway has been:
My doctor doesn’t want to diagnose me with a mental illness, because no one wants to figure out what the insurance will do. Or what the protocols for it are. Or what the exact diagnosis should be. My therapist had further insight there: finding someone who can make the right diagnosis for me is one thing. But there could be several different diagnoses for what I could have, depending on what treatment plan they wanted to bill for, or what my insurance covers, WHICH CAN CHANGE.
And all this time, we’re just trying to live this and figure out how to do right by me and the body and brain I have.
It’s why I keep thinking I need to explain myself here. There’s no catch-all term for whatever it is that I have. There’s a lot of medical interactions between my hormones, my mood, my sleep cycle, and my information processing ability. Sometimes at 2AM I decide it’s time to read a paranormal encyclopedia, and that’s just because my body is not going to be good at doing anything else at that time, because that’s what the chemicals in my body say to do.
So, I mentioned my hormones–one reason I’ve been quiet is because I don’t want people to think that transitioning will cause you harm or that transitioning people are “crazy.” But I’ve had some severe mental health effects from my hormones being way off-balance at times, and I’m finally able to talk about it. One reason I’m able to talk about it again? I’m finally GETTING my hormones.
Last year when I switched to topical rub-on testosterone instead of intramuscular injection, it was because I was unable to do the shots anymore. My needle fears ramped up and I had to switch over. Well, turns out the absorption was never working right for me because I was getting allergy injections in the same area as I was rubbing the cream on, and apparently the testosterone got into my bloodstream instead of the lymph system, and made my levels seem incorrect? Gods it was nuts. Anyway my insurance cancelled rub-on hormones on January 1 with no warning anyway, so it’s a good thing I was planning to switch to subcutaneous injection. Which I did yesterday after being without my rub-on hormones for 3 days.
My body feels like a submarine that goes up to get air and down to dive below at times completely dependent on my hormone levels and nothing else, and my hormone levels basically all last year were bonkers. It destroyed my sense of time right as I and everyone else were all locked in our homes. My stress has ramped with the news cycles, making me unable to sleep some nights until my body finally exits hypervigilance.
There’s not a cure for this, or any single diagnosis, or a treatment other than to take care of myself and keep going.
I’ll keep going.
I want to open up more about my mental illness experience, and what it does and how I get through it, but I’m going to warn you that my mental illness doesn’t follow the discourse. It fucks the discourse. I’m a person who has decided to stop driving because I don’t like how I might react to the unexpected behind the wheel, and I still vote, I make big financial decisions, heck I make winning investment picks. Sometimes I can’t walk out my front door, and it’s not for any logical reason, and I even know logically with my brain at the time that nothing bad will happen if I go outside. Still, sometimes I can’t walk out my front door, and in those times I realize that I don’t actually have to. Because last year we as a household realized that I could no longer do the things I’d done all the previous years before, that something in my mind and body had drawn a line and said I couldn’t go ignore those boundaries anymore.
I can’t watch TV like a “normal person.” Ads really mess with me and so I often avoid commercial television, for instance. But I also have trouble sitting down and absorbing something on a screen, I’ll often have to walk around, or I’ll need to watch the show out of order, or see it “filtered” through commentary or memes, because that’s how my brain decided I was processing that day. But the conversation I have with my spouse about the subject at the end of the day is still rich and fulfilling, because I’m still having an experience of the subject, be it a show or a video game or a news event. I just take it in in a very particular way, and sometimes that way changes depending on my mood and a bunch of other factors.
Heck, my diet changes how much I can focus and think. We’re still figuring out what does what. There’s a lot of rabbit holes to chase down. At some point we discuss what’s worth putting up with versus what actually needs treatment, because when things aren’t very clear-cut you need to prioritize. Also, having a lot of different medical issues at once means that you sometimes get overwhelmed and don’t know what order to address it all in.
I communicate in GIF and youtube format on here sometimes because I don’t really have a way to articulate the feeling or thought I have other than to show something that seems to encompass it all in an abstract or more psyche-oriented way. I really enjoy being able to do that here, and to get out the things I really want to express in an environment where people let me experiment with communication. Thanks to all of you for that. Except the bots. You’re not sentient, and that’s kind of weird.
Oh yeah. Mental illness and its interaction with hormones. Are completely ruining my ability to plan things and have been for like half a year now. So thank. For your pati. Ence.
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Hey Lifering, go and get some food, you might be hungry after that long trip
Inanimate Insanity: Reboot
Ep 1: Lost and Found
Part 9!
She's so lucky that she just... knew where the cabins were. Main character energy.
First/Last/Next
#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity ask blog#ask blog#inanimate insanity reboot au#inanimate insanity au#ii lifering#ii clover#ii floory#ii box#I said that I needed more asks#and you guys LISTENED#my asks have tripled!!! :)))#So thanks#Also funny story I was ready to post this at like 7:00#But I ended up posting it like an hour later#Cuz I was singing little moth- (if you get it you get it)
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i wonder if they realise how fucking funny these thumbnails are
#LIKE IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS AND I HAVENT STOPPED THINKING ABT THESE PEOPLE#THE LAST ONE. SOME GUY BLOWING UP CRYING GOING FULL ANIME MAN EXPLOSION#AND NOW HE IS GAY!!!!#yeah... he is. 😏 are you mad?#the way they keep crying and seething and yelling for hours on end. sorry man no matter how#angry you get dr who is a homosexual and will never die😬 tough#doctor who#dw memes#<- not but idk what to tag it and i wanna find it later#forgot to post this 💀#14th doctor#wild blue yonder
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VARGASTOBER - day 1 : memories
#vargastober#vargastober2024#HELLLO#HELLO HELLO IM EUPHORIC . GOD#it ended up looking even better than i expected !!!!! hhhell yeah !!!!!!!!#i'm like LOOK GUYS ( pointing at the screen ( I MADE THIS#i had to work on this one yesterday actually#i won't be home today . so i had to make sure i could actually get this one posted on time#it's currently 3:40AM . this will be posted idk at 1PM#i need to write a whole entry of the process but i didn't take any screenshots of it . great#i banged this one like in 5 hours . LIMITED TIME#NO TIME TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS OR WRITE NOTES#anyway don't want to talk too much here . I ENJOYED WORKING ON THIS ONE#vargas#scriabin vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#zarla s#sunny's art#I HAVE A BUNCH OF EDGAR / JAKE DOODLES AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO POST THEM RIGHT NOW#two posts in a day is that too much#i'll save them for later . maybe i can make more in the meantime
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