#But I DO like to see different kinds of friendships

[jockwrites]

selfish - p.b

part: 1

summary: the beginning of “friendship” between you & paige.

warnings: cursing

a/n: hellooooo welcome back to another series, i’m sure this will be fun to write and im excited for you guys to see where this goes!

my eyes drifted across the lecture hall, landing on a familiar face—paige bueckers. obviously, i’d heard so much about the star basketball player, but seeing her in person was different. she was leaning over a textbook, her blonde hair falling forward as she focused intently.

i felt my heart flutter slightly as i took her in. there was something about her demeanor, her strong jawline, and the way her muscles filled out her shirt. i quickly looked away, chiding myself. i kind of forgot i have a boyfriend and what not.

as the lecture began, i found myself sneaking glances at paige every so often. each time, i felt that familiar flutter in my chest. i tried to brush it off as mere admiration for her athletic prowess, but a small voice in the back of my mind whispered that it was more than that. but it can’t be, i have a boyfriend.

after class, i gathered my courage and approached paige as she was packing up her bag. my heart raced as i got closer. “hi, i'm madison. i just wanted tell you i really admire your skills, you know, on the court.”

the voice in the back of my mind was telling me i sounded so very stupid. introducing myself to the paige bueckers? absolutely ridiculous, but worth a shot.

paige looked up and flashed me a warm smile, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners, “hey, thanks! i've seen you around campus. you're in my psych class, right?”

i nodded, feeling a little flustered under her gaze. “yeah, i am,” she stood up and stretched, her arms reaching overhead and making her shirt ride up slightly. i caught a glimpse of her toned stomach and felt a sudden urge to reach out and touch it.

but i can’t be feeling like this. over a girl? no way, i have a boyfriend.

paige's smile lingered as she tucked her book bag over her shoulder. “it's nice to meet you, madison,”she said, her voice low and smooth. “maybe we can study together sometime? psych can be tough.”

i swallowed hard, nodding eagerly. “yeah, that'd be great,” i managed to say. as paige walked away, i watched her retreat, admiring the way she looked with each step. i shook my head, trying to clear it.

what was i doing?

i met up with my boyfriend, jason, later that day. he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and kissing me deeply. usually, his kisses made my heart race, but today, all i could think about was paige. guilt washed all over me.

no girl has ever made me feel this way, ever. i’ve always considered myself straight, maybe bisexual. but the only reason i’d ever consider myself bi is because i’ll think a girl is cute every now and then.

sure, i’ve kissed a few girls, but i never felt anything. i’ve never felt that kind of connection with girls, ever. well—atleast not the feeling i feel with jason. i love jason, he’s my everything, but i can’t help but shake the feeling of how im lowkey simping for a girl.

—

one weekend, paige and i had spent the day together. no studying, just hanging out. we'd gone to the park, lay on the grass, talking and laughing. i'd felt so at ease with her, so comfortable. too comfortable, maybe.

at one point, she'd leaned against me, her head on my shoulder. i'd stiffened at first, surprised. then i'd relaxed, enjoying the warmth of her body against mine. i'd even slipped my arm around her, pulling her closer.

it had felt... nice. too nice. i’ve started to love looking at her mouth, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. i'd quickly pushed the thought away, guilt washing over me. i have a boyfriend, i reminded myself sternly. i can't be thinking about kissing paige.

but i couldn't stop thinking about it. days turned into a week, and the memory of that moment in the park lingered. i always remember myself staring at paige's mouth during our study sessions, blushing when she'd catch me looking. i was so confused. it felt so wrong, but so good.

—

weeks passed and i’d continued to steal glances at paige in psych class, my heart fluttering each time. for the past few weeks we’ve hung out, nothing special but it was great. we would go for ice cream, maybe get my favorite—zaxbys, and it would all be good. but genuinely, it’s horrible being around her.

im in a relationship with someone, yet im falling for another person. that person being a girl. i sound fucking stupid.

our professor announced a big project, assigning partners randomly. my heart pounded as the list was read aloud. “madison cooper and paige bueckers,” she called out.

i froze. there is no way she assigned me with the girl call myself liking. paige and i exchanged a surprised look. a slow smile spread across her face, and i felt my knees go weak. as we gathered our things after class, paige approached me. “looks like we're partners, madison.”

“looks like it,” i breathed, my voice barely audible. her nearness made my pulse quicken. we decided to meet at the library that weekend to start on our project. as i left the lecture hall, i felt a mix of excitement and dread.

i have a boyfriend.

—

that weekend, i sat across from paige at a worn wooden table in the library. she was leaning over her laptop, her brow furrowed as she typed. i couldn't help but stare at her strong hands, her broad shoulders, the way her hair fell messily over her shoulders.

paige looked up, catching me staring. she smirked slightly. “you okay, madi? you seem a lil… distracted.” i blushed, averting my eyes. “i'm fine, just... thinking about the project.” even to my own ears, the excuse sounded weak.

but that nickname, madi.

i mean—everyone calls me madi. but from paige, her saying it, it sounds heavenly. i don’t want anyone else to ever call me that nickname again now that it’s left paige’s mouth.

—

i notice madison staring at me—a lot, and it makes me feel a strange warmth in my chest. as we worked on our project, i found myself stealing glances at her too, admiring the way her brow furrowed in concentration, the way her lips parted slightly as she reads.

i start wondering… wondering what it would be like to kiss those parted lips, to run my fingers through her silky brunette hair. i shook my head slightly, trying to dislodge the thought. madison isn’t my type, i don’t think. i know she’s straight, but i could definitely turn her.

then again, she has a boyfriend.

she’s only mentioned him a few times, talking about their dates, future plans and what not. but honestly, he sounds lame. she mentioned he got her flowers & candy for her birthday, what a loser. like seriously? a girl like her? if it was me, i’d go all out.

as the day went on, i became more aware of the subtle signs madison was giving me. the way her eyes lingered on me, the slight flush of her cheeks, the way she bit her lower lip.

i decided to test the waters. as she passed me a printout, i let my fingers brush against hers. i saw her intake a sharp breath, her eyes darting to mine. her skin is soft, smooth like butter. despite the subtle, small action, i could feel how soft and fragile her skin felt.

“sorry,” i murmured, not pulling away from her touch. her fingers curled around mine, squeezing gently. “it's okay,” she whispered back, her voice barely audible. i felt a jolt of electricity at her touch, her response. i was onto something.

—

paige's fingers brushing against mine sent shivers down my spine. i looked into her eyes, and for a moment, everything else faded away. i felt a strong urge to lean in, to close the distance between us. but then reality hit me like a cold shower.

i have a boyfriend.

i gently pulled my hand away, trying to compose myself. “we should probably focus on the project,” i said, trying to sound normal. i turned back to my laptop, my mind racing. i can't let myself fall for paige, i have to stay loyal to jason or whatever.

but i still don’t understand how im falling so hard for a girl. a girl i just met at that, it sounds alien to me. if you told me 2 months ago i’d be head over heels for this woman, i’d look at you like you needed a straitjacket.

we continued working across from each other, the air thick with tension. i made sure to keep a safe distance, to not let our hands touch again. but being near her was torture. her scent, her presence, the way her voice deepened slightly when she was concentrating... everything about her drew me in.

as the hours passed, i found myself zoning out, my mind wandering to forbidden thoughts. paige's strong arms around me, her lips on mine, her hands exploring my body. i quickly rolled my eyes, trying to clear the images. no, i can't think like this.

i have a boyfriend.

i feel like i’m going insane, there is no way in hell im actually thinking like this. thinking like this about a girl, am i crazy? i think so. but it just sounds so right. i don’t think i’ve ever imagined times like this with jason though.

i mean, we did have sex a few times. but when i met him, i didn’t think like that— it was more of an emotional connection. i wasn’t immediately thinking about what his lips would feel like on mine.

paige seemed to pick up on the change though. she didn't bring up the touch again, didn't act the way she was acting earlier. we worked in near silence, the tension between us palpable but unspoken. as we finished up for the day, i felt a mix of relief and despair.

“not gon’ lie, i didn’t expect you to be this smart,” paige remarked, laughing softly as we packed up. “yeah, i try my best in academics,” i agreed softly. she smiled at me, and i felt my heart ache. why does it have to be her? why do i have to be taken?

“same time next weekend?” she asked. i hesitated for a moment. being around her was torture, but it was a torture i craved. “yeah,” i heard myself say. “same time next week.”

as i walked home, my mind was in turmoil. i knew i should end things with jason, that my heart wasn't in it anymore. but the thought of hurting him, of disappointing my family, held me back. i buried my face in my hands, a frustrated groan escaping my lips.

and no, im not trying to end things because of paige, thats silly—this thought weighed heavy on my mind for months. i mean, very good guy, but things just haven’t been the same. paige, she’s just the cherry on top.

i found myself in an impossible situation. i was falling for paige, but i was committed to someone else. i couldn't keep stringing jason along, not when my heart barely belonged to him.

here’s the situation: me and my boyfriend are falling apart, i’m falling for a girl, and my life is in shambles. sounds crazy right? yeah, i know.

i spent the rest of the week distracted, snapping at jason when he'd try to talk to me, zoning out during family dinners. but can you blame me? my situation is shit. i feel horrible, horrible for doing this to my boyfriend, horrible for falling for this girl.

my mom noticed, pulling me aside one evening. “madison, talk to me,” she said softly. “something's on your mind.” i hesitated. i wanted to confide in her, to tell her about paige, about my conflicted feelings. but i was scared. scared of her reaction, scared of what would happen next. so i chickened out. “it's nothing, mom.”

she searched my face, concern etched on her own. “madison, you can talk to me, you know. whatever it is, we'll figure it out together.” her voice was gentle, encouraging. but i just shook my head, pushing past her to retreat to my room.

alone in my room, i curled up on my bed, hugging a pillow to my chest. all my thoughts weighed down on me like a brick as i realized the mess i was in. i was torn between duty and desire, between what was right and what felt right. and i had no idea how to fix it.

this is the reality of being a girl i guess— or being a girl liking another girl. i’m a mess. i barely know her, it’s only been about a month or two, and they’ve been great, i can say that. but i just don’t get what’s wrong with me. what kind of phase am i going through?

i guess time will tell sooner or later.

[leth-writes]

Distance (Yandere tim drake x reader)

SUMMARY: Tim Drake is a fucking asshole, but at least you're moving.

WARNINGS: 18+ as always on my blog, though the work is safe for work. Typical yandere shenanigans.

MASTERLIST 

Requests are open!

“Have you ever noticed anything… weird with Tim?”

Your voice breaks the cozy silence that had fallen in Stephanie’s room. The blond looked over, face the picture of confusion.

“What do you mean?” Your other friend, Conner, asked.

“I don’t know, I just… Sometimes he’s kinda creepy, ya know? Like he knows more than he lets on. Like he’s looking through you, into your soul.” You explain.

Stephanie cocks her head to the side, pretending to think.

“I mean, he can be a lil’ weird, but I think it’s just cuz he was socially stunted growing up…” She hums. What could that possibly mean? You thought, confused. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s cuz of his parents; they like, left him alone all the time when he was younger.” Stephanie continues, turning back to her homework. She seems satisfied with herself.

“I-”

“Hey, maybe you’ll just have to ask Tim, he won’t bite, ya know.” Conner says, not even bothering to face you.

The three of you fell back into silence.

You liked your friends. You didn’t have much experience with friendship, especially growing up moving around constantly because of your dad’s job. You’d met Conner completely by accident; you just so happened to be going to the same school, he just so happened to be walking down the hall, you tripped, he caught you. The two of you hit it off after that. That had introduced you to Steph, and later to Tim, and just like that, you were no longer alone.

Conner was kind, despite his outward appearance. He had dark, ruffled curly hair and a slight southern accent, and he always wore his stupid black leather jacket, the one with the spikes on the shoulders. Sometimes he even wore a dark pair of sunglasses, even inside, like an asshole. Despite his arrogance and his snarky attitude, he was a good friend, defending you from the schoolyard bullies that had plagued your life.

Steph was in some ways, his polar opposite. She had long, slightly wavy blond hair, down to the middle of her back, and the most bright blue eyes you think you’d ever seen, the color of a cloudless summer day’s sky. She was boisterous, constantly laughing and joking around, a sharp contrast to Conner’s cool, calm demeanor.

TIm was an entirely different story. He was… Quiet. Weirdly quiet. It was the first thing you’d noticed, the first time you met him, sitting down for lunch next to Steph and Kon. They’d happily introduced the two of you, and Tim. Shook your hand. You’d never met another person who shook hands, except for uppity businessmen who treated you like a baby.

His eyes were a cold, cruel blue, almost grey. They stared into you, never leaving your form, even as you turned to talk to Steph. You could feel him staring, like he was trying to cut your skull open for a peek inside. You felt like a bad lab experiment every time his attention fell on you.

His hair was always perfectly mussed, like he’d spent the entire morning debating about where to place each strand, and his clothes were impeccably prepped. All in all, he looked more like a doll than a person.

It was creepy, off-putting. Despite all of that, you were in desperate need for friends, especially friends your own age, not your annoying little cousins that you were forced to babysit when your Aunt was away on vacation, which she seemed to always be.

You were willing to put up with him, if it meant being Conner and Steph’s friend. You weren’t willing to give up that first taste of freedom from your overwhelming family.

Even if you hated him.

Tim was perfect, was the thing. Any time you had a problem, he had a condescendingly offered solution. Homework troubles transformed from a normal, if slightly irritating, part of your life into an embarrassing and awkward time for Tim to show off his expertise. Conner and Steph, both seemingly prodigies in their own rights, didn’t have nearly the same problem as you. Sometimes, in fact, you felt like they had some sort of telepathy, reading each other's minds and knowing the answers before you’d even begun.

Tim was also the perfect child, as your parents were constantly berating you. He helped his family, Tim cared for the company his adoptive father would one day be giving to him, Tim had perfect grades, Tim was perfectly behaved. Everywhere you turned it was Tim, Tim, Tim. You couldn’t even escape him on social media. If he wasn’t peering out at you with those icy eyes from Steph and Conner’s feeds, he was staring holes into your skull through pictures of him accepting awards and attending important events.

As you got to know him, the disparities between the two of you only became more clear. He was annoyingly flawless, and you seemed to be built of nothing but flaws, at least according to most of your teachers and your parents.

The constant comparisons were grating on your nerves, and you knew that if you never saw Tim again, it’d be too late. The damage to your fragile self-esteem was already done.

Luckily, today, Tim had to be with his father for some stupid gala, leaving you to hang out with your two normal, non-superhuman friends, who would never rub their perfections into your face. Even if they had plenty of them. You knew the two of them toned down their gloating when you were around, and they were always trying to hype you up, to get you to brag about your accomplishments. To hear about it from them, you’d think you were the most talented person in Gotham, if not all of America.

You were pretty sure that particular award could go to Tim.

Everything was perfect, all three of you working on your own individual homework. Steph and Kon weren’t in the class you were working on. Tim, of course, was, and he was top of the class, as you were constantly being reminded. God, he was pretentious.

Everything was perfect, of course, until Tim walked in. Steph and Kon lit up, smiling and welcoming him in. His hair was, once again, perfectly tousled, and he had clearly changed back into his normal clothes.

“Ditching, pretty boy?” Kon teased, reaching over to ruffle Tim’s hair.

“Awe, don’t tease him, you know he’s a daddy’s boy,” Steph said, laughing.

Tim just batted Conner’s hands away, before turning to face you all.

“I got out of the gala early. My presence was unneeded.” He said, face completely blank. God, he even talked like a fucking robot. You turned away, rolling your eyes.

“Oh, are you working on homework? I can help…” He began, looking over your shoulder. You turned slightly to look at him, baring your teeth in what barely counted as a smile. “I’m. Okay,” you said, teeth grinding. Tim winced at the sight. “A-alright. I’ll just…” he gestured to where Steph and Kon had migrated to Steph’s bed, now painting their nails.

You finished your homework in record time and stood up, eager to just make an excuse and get home.

“Sorry guys, my parents must be worried… I have to get home,” you said, smiling tightly.

“Oh, it’s alright, you can stay. Your parents are still at the gala.” Tim said, not even bothering to look up from where he was concentrating on painting Steph’s pinky.

Shit. He couldn’t even let you leave in dignity, could he?

You gripped the handle of your bag even tighter and turned around. “W-well, still. They don’t want me out too late.” Steph and Kon nodded, saying their goodbyes with ease. Kon waved, his newly painted black nails shining in the dim light.

Tim simply. Stared at you. It’s like he knew you were lying. What a fucking asshole.

You left without another word.

The next day, your parents dropped a bombshell on you. You were all moving. Again. No amount of protest seemed to change their mind. The date was set and your house was sold; you had until the end of the week to say goodbye to your new life.

You, of course, immediately told your new friends. You hadn’t even known them for a month. You should’ve known this would happen; your parents would never let you be happy, and neither would the universe. The mood was solemn as you all sat around your designated table. Even Tim looked upset. More upset than you’d ever seen him, in fact, you think this was the first time you’d ever seen him show an emotion.

Steph looked over, eyes pitying. She squeezed Tim’s hand. What? Geeze, you were the one who was fucking leaving, and he’s the one who was getting comforted! He didn’t even like you!

Kon leaned over the table and grasped your hand, blocking Steph and Tim from your view.

“Hey, kiddo, you okay?” You simply shook your head, biting on your trembling lip. Sure, you didn’t like Tim, but you’d miss your friends!

“Is there any way to change your parents’ minds?” Steph asked as Kon leaned back. All hint of emotion was gone from Tim’s face. He couldn’t even pretend to be upset for the rest of lunch?

“No, no. They already sold the house…” You sniffled.

“Oh…” She said, looking down at the floor. You could hear the defeat in her voice, even as it wavered.

“Well, maybe you can come over tomorrow? One last hurrah, you know? We can spend the night together, do each other's nails, watch a movie…” She asked, voice hopeful.

You nodded. “Yeah, yeah. That sounds okay…”

“You’re crying.” Tim stated, voice cold and hard. Your hands flew up to your face, shocked to find tears slowly running down your cheeks. Fuck. Fuck him for saying something. You were fucking done. You were done! He couldn’t even pretend to care for a few minutes, and now he was mocking you?! You felt your anger boil up, faster than it ever had.

“Jesus, I’m sorry for fucking expressing emotion, not like you’d know anything about that!” You said, voice cracking. You slammed your hands down on the table as you stood up, grabbing your backpack and slinging it across your shoulder. Tim looked up, startled by your outburst, mouth agape. Steph and Kon wore similar gobsmacked expressions. If you weren’t so pissed, you’d find it almost comical.

Still, you were incandescent. You fled the room, rage boiling underneath your skin, masking the hurt you were burying deep inside.

You ignored Tim the rest of the day. As a consequence, you were unable to talk to Steph and Kon. The distance pained you, but you knew if you had to see Tim’s smarmy face, you’d punch his teeth out. Neither approached you alone, though they did shoot you guilty looks from across the classroom. 

The pain was the worst part. Tim’d been an asshole, he’d made fun of you for as long as you’d known them, and they were choosing him. Everyone always chose Tim; your parents, your teachers, the press… You were stuck in his shadow, doomed to never meet his fucking mold. You were done. You just couldn’t deal with it, not while losing your two best friends, the best friends you’d ever had.

Steph texted you that night, asking you to still come over. She’d assured you that Tim and Kon wouldn’t even be there. The knowledge that Kon was still choosing Tim was painful, but you could deal with it, just to see Steph that one last time.

So, you’d agreed.

The next day came with a fresh wave of grief, pouring off you in waves. It was exhausting, so exhausting that your parents asked you to stay home, concerned you would pass out and be injured right before the big move.

You’d agreed, and spent the day catching up on some much-needed sleep.

That evening, you waved goodbye to your parents, bag slung over your shoulder, and began the walk to Steph’s place. Her family was middle class, not as wealthy as yours, but still quite well-off. You had never seen either of her parents, but Steph assured you she had a very competent housekeeper to help her out when she needed an adult.

You were almost to her house when it hit you. What the fuck were you doing? You shouldn’t be doing this. You were being naive. You’d only known them a short while, they’d forget you in a week! It would be best to just turn right around and go home; that way, you’d be spared the pain of a slow, petering off relationship. You didn’t want to watch as they made new friends, replaced you, slowly stopped responding to your calls; you couldn’t bear the pain.

So, you turned around and walked right back home, not even bothering to text Steph. You’d call her at home, when you were safe in your bed, and you had the room to cry all you wanted and eat as much ice cream as you could handle.

As you walked home, shivering, you couldn’t help but look up. The bat-signal was up, projected against the cloudy night sky. If there was one thing you wouldn’t miss, besides Tim, it was the constant crime. The constant need to carry a gas mask or a taser, the constant preparation to be kidnapped or maimed or tortured. It was tiring, always being on edge.

You kept your eyes on the rooftops, hoping for a glimpse of one of the bats. You couldn’t help your slight fascination with them, despite the way your frie- former friends constantly laughed at you. Tim had looked weirdly smug after he’d wheedled you into admitting Red Robin was your favorite, though you thought the newest superboy on the scene was your favorite hero in general. You just liked his hair (and the way he reminded you of Conner).

It was only once you were back in your neighborhood that you noticed the feeling of being watched. You whipped your head around, looking every direction and clutching your taser. You couldn’t find anyone.

Shrugging it off as needless paranoia, built up over your stay in Gotham, you continued.

The lights in your house were off. The lights in your house were off, but your parents had promised they’d leave them on for when you got home. Did the fucking forget about you?!

You grumbled and stomped up the driveway.

The door was open. A sense of unease began to build, tension keeping your stomach in knots.

You slowly pushed it open, taser in hand.

The house was dark, and empty. Even the curtains were gone. You stepped further in, anxiety beginning to build.

“Mom? Dad?” You called, walking through the living room and to the stairs. You checked each room; each was as empty as the last, both devoid of any furniture, and your parents.

You made your way up the stairs, searching each room, all empty, until you came upon your room, tucked away in the corner away from your parents’ room. The light was on, shining through the cracks in the door and barely illuminating the dark hallway. You snuck closer, taser out and ready.

Finally, you were in front of the door, and you kicked it open.

Inside, your room was perfectly preserved, the overhead light shining down.

Sitting on the bed, head buried in his laptop, was Tim fucking Drake.

“Wha- Tim?” You said, tensed shoulders drooping.

He looked up and smiled, though it didn’t reach his stony eyes.

“Hey, come in.” he gestured to the bed. Confused, you wandered over and plopped down. 

He sighed and turned to face you.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this. I never meant to upset you, but I’m afraid it’s simply inevitable.”

You stared at him. “Tim, where-where are my parents?”

He sighed again, looking out the window.

“I thought we’d be able to avoid this. I thought I’d have time. I’m sorry it had to happen this way.”

“...”

He turned the laptop to you and clicked play on the video queued up.

On screen, your parents appeared.

“I know about the assistant.” Tim’s voice came through, tinny from the low quality of the   video.

“Wh- I don’t know what you’re talking about…” your father’s voice was shaky, shakier than you’d ever heard it.

“There was an accident, wasn’t there.” Tim.

“N-no. No!” Your mom, anger clear on her face.

“It only takes one push and the story gets out.” Tim, voice and face clear. His eyes were stony, glaring down at where your parents sat on the couch.

“We’re leaving town, it won’t matter. We’ll leave.” Your dad said, voice sure. He stood up.

“Sit down.” Tim commanded, and your father did, fear flicking across his face.

“It doesn’t matter that you’re leaving. The Daily Planet is an internationally renowned paper.”

“Please, that would ruin us, you can’t!” Your mom begged, tears springing up.

“What do you want.” Your father said, face stormy. You knew he was picturing hitting Tim, and you knew he was calculating the risk.

“I want you to leave, right now, and we’ll pretend nothing ever happened.”

“We will, we will! Just let me call my daugh-”

“No. Right now.”

“...” 

You could see the acquiescence, the relief, on your father’s face. He nodded, determination slowly creeping onto his features. Your mother just sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“And what of our things?”

“I’ll have them sent to your new address.”

“How-”

Tim just stared at your mother, face grim. She closed her jaw with a sharp ‘clack’.

The video ended.

You stared, speechless. Tim simply looked over at you, face blank.

“W-wh- I don’t… I don’t understand?” You said, voice cracking.

“I’m sorry, but when you said your parents were moving… I had to move quickly.”

You stood up and began walking, feeling as though you were pushing through cotton, like you were seeing yourself in 3rd person. You could barely hear Tim calling your name as you walked down the stairs, toward the door, slowly walking faster and faster. You pushed the door open hard, barely flinching as it slammed into the frame, and burst into a sprint.

You didn’t get far.

A red blur streaked through your peripherals before coming to a stop in front of you. There was superboy, staring at you with guilt in his eyes. No, not superboy. It was Conner.

Just like that, your heart fell. 

“No.” you said, voice shaky with disbelief.

“No!” you backed up, raising the taser. Conner moved closer, hands raised in placation. You flicked the taser on and let it connect with his side. He didn’t even flinch.

“Get the fuck away from me!” You shouted, dropping the taser and whirling around to run.

Arms like steel wrapped around you and picked you up. Suddenly, you were thrown over his shoulder, your vision upside down. He marched you back into the house, plopping you back on the bed where Tim still sat, the laptop on your nightstand.

Conner shot you another guilty look, standing guard by the door, his arms crossed over his muscled chest. You’d never noticed how buff he was; you guessed the jacket was there to prevent you from noticing.

You were crying in earnest now, tears running down your cheeks.

“Please,” you begged, voice cracking.

Tim looked at you, blew out a breath, and wiped your face gently, hands cool. He cradled your face, bringing it closer.

Gently, oh so gently, he kissed your forehead, then brought your head into his shoulder, as you continued to cry. He shushed you, patting your back comfortingly.

“Why?!” you cried.

He gave no answer.

Finally, your crying slowed, then stopped. You pulled away and wiped your eyes with your sleeves.

“You’re going to come with me. We’re going to go back to my place, and you’re going to meet the rest of your family.”

You looked up at Conner, pleading with your eyes. He looked away, grimacing.

“Tim, I- I don’t want to do that, I want my parents, you get that this is fucked up, right?!” You questioned, voice cracking.

“I’m sorry. I had no choice.”

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though. 

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them. 

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it’s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to. 

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes. 

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete. 

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together. 

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s. 

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show. 

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

[merakiui]

Never did I think of a Fellow, Skully, Rollo, Darling Poly-relationship but that sounds like the funniest rom-com 🤣 Darling's parents drop in at the same time as Rollos or their friends and they all think Darling is dating a different person. Or Rollo's friends are studying and they think Rollo is dating Darling, but here comes Skully in Darlings bathrob walking out of her room and they are very confused.

Question is: Do they c*ck-block eachother or swipe darling from the others?

Rollo goes to grab the condoms and Honest takes over Kissing the drunk Darling

Honest has to take a call from his little brother and comes back to Skully in bed with Darling

Skully and Darling are watching a movie and getting frisky, only for Rollo to call Skully to do his chores or something, and then slides under the blanket with Darling and take over.

Or would they ever be open to a 4-some or sharing??

This is honestly genius Mera 👏

- Rollo loving Anon

Hehe they're all so silly,, always vying for your attention and heart. I like to think Skully might be down for a foursome, but then he also gets jealous, too!!! >_< it's not fair that Fellow has such a silver tongue and Rollo is just so charming!! Meanwhile, poor Skully folds and gets so flustered the minute you reciprocate any sort of lovely energy. T^T how can he ever be as cool as his roommates...... orz and of course Fellow and Rollo bicker while you're stuck between them. Maybe one day they'll all get along and set aside differences to enjoy thoughtless pleasure.

Or if magic exists in this au,,, maybe Fellow can use his UM to give Rollo just a little nudge so he won't be so stiff and controlling when it comes to you. >:)

Something something skipping classes with Fellow to fuck or do other fun things. The way Rollo chews the both of you out when he catches you,,, lousy drunks!!! A school day is no time to drink and party and smoke!! >:( don't you know any better!! Isn't he just much too uptight? Wouldn't you rather stick with your good pal Fellow instead? you'll be told by Fellow as he sidles up close and wraps an arm around you.

And Skully..... maybe he's secretly envious of your close friendships with Fellow and Rollo because he hasn't known you nearly as long as they have. He wants to be close with you like they are!! >_< he wants to giggle about things with you and share all kinds of inside jokes. Secretly yandere.......... the type to show up on your outings (dates) when you're with Rollo or Fellow and just,,, insert himself. Oh, Rollo's taking you out for dinner? How great that the table allows for a third seat!! What was that about you spending the day taking Gidel around town with Fellow? Now Gidel gets to see Skully, too!!! :D isn't this wonderful!!! Perhaps the biggest cockblock of them... ;;;;

So many thoughts..... all of them finding ways to get back at the other when they interrupt the other's (Name) time. T_T aaa they're all petty in their own ways.

[almayver]

Dome decided to share a bit of the PP Bible!!! (All the text is thanks to google translate, sorry) (This is LONG)

Part I - What is the Bible? This is what Phi O taught Dome. It is a tool that helps the team see the overall picture of the project. Sometimes, just the script may not be enough for the team to see the picture or see the direction of the work that Dome will direct. So this was created. It will consist of many things, from mood & tone, color scheme, cinematography style, etc., which are quite detailed. For example, the color scheme, Dome has to divide it. In the actual film and the promotional work or graphic work, they must have different colors. This is due to communication reasons and the chosen direction. But the main thing is mostly personal preference.

PART II 📒 Storytelling - To make it easier for the team to understand the 12 episodes of ON SALE within 10 minutes during the first meeting (if we read the script ourselves, it would take at least a day or two), Dome summarized the whole story for the team to see.

📒 Genre - What type of movie is Haunted House? Phi O forced us to choose only 3 types. At that time, Dome chose Heartwarming Spooky Comedy. At first, he used the word Scary, but Phi O said, "Isn't it that scary?" Let's change the word. — The main reason for dividing the movie types clearly was so that the team could understand each other that, "Hey, Phi, this movie actually has many more genres than that." So we had to divide the percentages. When writing a script or working on different parts and feeling confused about the mood and tone, try to look back at this pie chart so that you can find the right path. The actual result was not exactly the same. Drama 5% like this, is that right? 5555

📒 Logline - The synopsis or you can call it a plot. In the Thai film industry, it is used in a confusing way in each place. The assignment that Dome gave himself was How to tell it concisely, to make it understandable. After reading it, I felt like I wanted to watch this movie. I can tell the type of movie completely in one logline.

📒 Archetype - Brother O asked me to summarize the haunted house in 3 concrete ways, which must tell the story of the movie as much as possible and also have some abstract meanings hidden in it. Dome ended up summarizing 3 things. The first is Haunted House, which I argued with Brother O again about what kind of haunted house you have, a real haunted house or a haunted house in an amusement park. Well, it must be a haunted house in an amusement park. It meets the comedy requirement more. — The next is Bro, Homie. When our main characters are Home and Peach, it is a relationship between men who are not romantically in love like a couple. But that's it. When it is done, it becomes a male friendship that is suspicious until it ends up like that. I blame Brother Taynew too. 5555 Just kidding. — The last one is Dinner Table because it feels like a concrete, warm Asian style.

📒 Story Arc - The act of the movie. How many acts will this movie have that clearly divide the proportions of where the story is going now? And where will it end? Dome divides it into 4 main lines — the first line is Outer, what is the story, which property, what ghosts did you encounter? — The next line is Inner, going into a bit more detail, adding in the character's feelings, what is the main mission of the episode, what is the end result of the episode? — The last two lines are a summary of the act of the film, what is the Theme and which direction is the film taking the audience?

PART III 📒 Character - Who are our 4 main characters? What do they do? What kind of people are they? Dome has summarized them briefly and clearly. Plus, as a nerd (pretending to be smart), I happened to read The Eight Characters of Comedy by Scott Sedita. The summary is that he teaches how to write 8 types of comedy characters. No matter what situation or equation you put in, if there are characters like this together, there should be some comedy. If you are a nerd, try reading it. Dome has used this until it became a muscle for the 7 years since he started this career.

📒 Chemistry - Once we saw the images of the 4 main characters, let's summarize the chemical equation of this ghostbusting gang a bit. Use the principles of MBTI and Cognitive Function to make it easier to understand. This slide was used since the pilot was filmed because Dome and the actors did not have the opportunity to workshop before filming. At that time, I showed it to P'Ten, New, Muk, and Jan so that they could understand each other immediately in the limited time.

📒 Costume - Make a rough guide for the costume team to see that How does Dome see the characters dress? What kind of look do they wear? Do they wear accessories? What are their personal items? What color do they like to wear? When the costumers see it, they can develop it further. On the costume side, they will continue to make something called a Costume book, which is a costume bible specifically. It goes into great detail. For example, today Home will wear this outfit and this color because Home feels this way right now. It is consistent with the story in this episode. And there is also an overview of each EP. Do they go together? — The real Costume book takes many days to make, choosing the details of each outfit and each episode. And there are many outfits that were not used in the story because there was no place to put them. What a shame, lol.

All of these are just examples from the 4 main characters. We haven’t included supporting characters, guest characters, and ghosts in the story. So, multiply the three topics above. How many more characters are there? How many more pages do we need to make? (Bragging again)

PART IV 📒 Episode bible - If you have read this far, everyone should understand the benefits of making a bible. Each episode needs to make a separate bible for each episode. That means you have to go back and do it from PART I to PART III for each episode. It is not strange that there are more than a hundred slides. In conclusion, the team that criticizes is tired. 5555 Just kidding.

Apart from the Direction bible, other teams also have their own separate bibles, such as the Ghost bible, which is a bible that is purely about ghosts in the story. For example, who the ghosts are, what they look like, what is the cause of death? — The Food bible is a bible of all the food in the story, what menus are there, how to cook the food, etc. — Each team makes their own bible in detail so that everyone can understand and see the same picture as much as possible. This doesn't even mention the Cinematography, Art Direction, Location, Extra characters, etc. There are so many more. It is so detailed. Just thinking about it makes me discouraged. 5555

That's all for bragging. Anyway, thank you very much to everyone who read up to this point 🥳

PS. Recorded on NOV 14, 2024. If any knowledge is wrong, I'll be honest. It's Dome's knowledge and understanding at this time. If it causes anyone any inconvenience, I apologize. 🙏🏽

[dearmyloveleys]

RE: the absolute fascination (and adoration) I have with the symbolism of Zhu Yan's and Li Lun's weapons, how it reveals their respective characterisations and the discussion of humanity

There are so many aspects that I love about FoF but I still believe how the show represents LiYan's relationship + worldview through their weapons is one of the best uses of visual storytelling and literary/visual devices I have seen in recent years. (long text ahead!)

A Gift and A Curse

Where did their complications start? The exchange of gifts. Why do we gift another presents? For affection. It's so ironically simple, free of malice and at its basis so, so human. For a demon like Li Lun who claims to not understand humans, he reciprocates the moment of kindness Zhu Yan shows him - the rattle to make him happy, and him giving Zhu Yan the umbrella to shelter him from rain.

There is something so beautifully ironic about two great demons eventually using ordinary, human household objects as their weapons. And items given to each other at that. When they first receive them, both the umbrella and rattle are just simple objects with no meaning attached to it, except for the goodwill of friendship. There is no inherent ill-intention and it is pure. Yet.

Li Lun ultimately only understands reciprocation, and not truly the innate kindness and affection which Zhu Yan demonstrates. Zhu Yan gave Li Lun the rattle to have him understand why he finds humans wonderful: Can any of our demonic powers have the ability to make someone happy just like this rattle does for a child? Li Lun gives Zhu Yan the umbrella because Zhu Yan gave him the rattle and made him happy. Li Lun understands the action, and does not grapple with its underlying intentions. He consistently struggles with this throughout the story, especially when actions do not match up with the speaker's reasonings.

Dissonance in character is an extremely human trait, and the understanding of this is where Zhu Yan and Li Lun’s stories and similarities diverge. Zhu Yan on one hand, understands the complexity of humans and is at terms with it. Li Lun on the other hand, never understands the ability to be complex and paints humanity black. Their gifts are still turned into weapons that will eternally curse them of their once-there closeness, because of each other and their inability to reconcile their ideologies. How they use the umbrella and rattle from here on, represents their differences in their views of humanity.

Double Edged

When watching any fantasy/wuxia/xianxia cdrama, everyone who is written as a fighter usually has an offensive weapon used and made for injuring and killing. But not when it comes to Zhu Yan and Li Lun - they are two individuals who will certainly be masters in weaponry if they wielded a sword or blade. But they don’t.

In the Wilderness, from what we see, none of the demons use weapons. Even Cheng Huang uses an hourglass. Both Li Lun and Zhu Yan do not own any weapons before gifting each other the rattle and umbrella, and these aren’t even supposed to be used as weapons. There is such an underlying innocence to demons that instead of choosing a blade to take as a weapon, they choose these essentially harmless items instead. Though, this innocence ends here. The concept of weapons is a human creation. The concept of making an item specifically just to harm others is an especially human conception. By adopting the identity of weapons onto their gifts, the multifaceted nature of weaponry and thereby humanity seeps into their characters. Weaponry is both ironically and ironically human, and their weapons represent both sides of human nature that Zhu Yan and Li Lun believe in.

A weapon is only causes harm in one's hands if you make command it to. Do you protect or do you do harm with it? I find it so telling and intriguing that Zhu Yan and Li Lun run off in either directions with the purposes of a weapon. Zhuyan has always been fascinated by the human world versus Lilun having apathetic views of the human world, and they reflect this in how they use their weapons.

Zhu Yan uses his umbrella to always shield his team, protect and deflect harm, while the harm he inflicts on others comes from his innate spiritual energy (one word spells). He protects this simple umbrella and preserves its goodness, indirectly making sure to not sully the goodness of humanity. Instead, he chooses to use himself as the offensive weapon. On the other hand, Li Lun turns his rattle into an offensive weapon, changing its tip into a dagger. Before it is destroyed, all his attacks are summoned from strikes against the rattle. He doesn’t care, and humanity is trash, therefore he treats this object of innocence with irreverence and violence.

Though, there still is Li Lun’s favourite question: Is it better to be a demon or human? He chooses human. Which at the very least, is interesting.

Who You Wish To Be

The thematic concern of LiYan's relationship is very much defined by this question they often pose or have been asked by others: Is being a human or a demon better?

On an even deeper level, the juxtaposition between Li Lun's use of the rattle and what he says, being a human is better, is even more encompassing of his character — driven, conflicted obsession. The same way he keeps trying to break Zhuo Yichen and Zhuyan, but manages to maintain somehow civil and emotional conversations with them, his treatment of his rattle but the fact he thinks being human is better, and his one-time statement “maybe the human world is interesting after all” are contradictory. He is never at peace with himself and cannot accept things the way they are. He is very much a child, misguided and believing that things are one-dimensional (all humans are bad, Zhuyan how could you hurt me for them) while things in reality are complex. Even his best intentions, from his line “I, Li Lun, will never run away from things (…)” is innocently one dimensional. He will never be the human he wants to be until he comes to terms with this. And most importantly, it's not even about being human. It's never about titles or names, it's about who he wants to be. Li Lun once again is fixated on surface levels that he doesn't grasp the depth of reality.

"Whether one is a human or demon, it's only a matter of titles. Just be whoever you want to be." - Zhu Yan, Ep 26.

Zhu Yan is the stellar opposite of Li Lun. He doesn’t sully Li Lun’s gift to him and uses it the way Lilun initially gave it to him for: to protect. And his answer to the Demon or Human question as written above is telling of his character, compared to Li Lun's set-in-stone answer. But despite everything, what makes everything so tragic is what started it in the first place: affection. One keeps that affection as a weapon to spread the same to others, while the other keeps and weaponises that affection to regain it all back.

Just like how he uses his rattle to relentlessly pursue revenge, Li Lun is so insistent on what should have been, that he doesn't see what can be, and it curses him. Zhu Yan sees the possibilities of everything, wants to protect the good, and it curses him. Perhaps its this inevitability of their separation and also the sliver of hope that they can reconcile, trapped in their shared respective curses, that troubles them deep down.

-

Their weapons symbolise both their ideologies, and serve as physical reminders of their intertwined past. Regardless of how they use their weapons, they use a reminder of the other as defense and offense against the world. A diverged path still has met once before. The sharpest blade is still one crafted from the torment of memory.

On Visual Story-Telling

The use of these unusual objects in c-drama land as weapons is such a stroke of genius on the production team and writers' part. It gives so much more flavour and uniqueness to these characters instead of the usual sword or spear. Such small, precise, details with large implications on characterisation.

[winchesterwild78]

An Unexpected Friendship pt 3

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, Jensen’s children

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Physical Violence, mention of Domestic Abuse, Language, little bit of spice

A/N: This is a short story written in collaboration with @cheekygirl2309. In this story the reader is a widow who has a 4 year old daughter. She’s dating a very abusive man, so she enrolls her daughter in preschool to keep her as shielded as possible. At the preschool we find her daughter has made friends with a set of twins. At pick up one day the reader realizes the parent of her daughter’s best friend is none other than Jensen Ackles. A friendship forms, and decisions are made after a particularly nasty fight with her boyfriend. 

No disrespect to Jensen or his family. This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life.

This chapter got a bit long….sorry. This chapter is a bit of a roller coaster, hold on. I promise it’s worth it, and please don’t come at me for things between the reader and Jensen. Things happen in life at different times. 

Minors DNI 18+

I smiled back, but as soon as he opened the door my smile was replaced by a look of horror. Jensen turned to look at the person at the door as I said, “Robert.”

Jensen’s jaw tightened. “Y/N, baby, I’ve missed you.” Jensen stepped, blocking Robert from seeing me.

“Who the hell are you, pretty boy?” Robert snarled. “The man who is going to tell you one time to get the fuck off this porch before I make you leave.” Jensen’s voice was stern and booming.

Robert scoffed, “I came to see my girlfriend, you need to step aside.” “She’s NOT your girlfriend, she broke up with you then you came back and beat her up.” Robert was trying to talk over Jensen’s shoulder, “Baby, please. I’m sorry. You know how I can get. You upset me when you told me to leave. I can’t live without you, please.”

A fury filled my body and I stood. I stepped behind Jensen, and softly touched his back, “It’s okay Jensen.” Jensen’s jaw was still tight but he stepped to my side. 

“Robert, I’m going to tell you one last time. This, us, we’re done. You put your hands on me, I ended up in the hospital from the beating you gave me. You don’t love me, and I’m not sure you’re even capable of it. Get off my property and don’t ever come back around me or my daughter.” 

“You bitch! I gave you 6 months of my life, put up with you and your whiny ass daughter.” Robert lunged for me and Jensen stepped in between the two of us. He grabbed his hand and twisted it behind his back. “Y/N, call the police.” Jensen said over his shoulder.

I grabbed my phone and called the police. The dispatcher told me they would be there in a few minutes. “Jensen, they will be here soon.” I said after I hung up. 

Jensen looked at me, “Thank you sweetheart.” It was a term of endearment I’d heard him say a few times, only this time he said it in front of Robert, which pissed him off. 

“Oh I see, you broke up with me to be with pretty boy here. So how many times has she opened her legs for you? I could barely get her to go down on me, let alone fuck me.” Jensen was furious and without thinking he punched Robert in the face, then grabbed his chin tightly.

“Don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again. You have no idea what she’s been through. What YOU put her and her daughter through. You don’t get to think about her again. You hear me! You even utter her name and I’ll kick your ass. I’d gladly go to jail for her, for Jazzy.” 

My breath hitched. Nobody had ever defended me like Jensen was. My heart fluttered in my chest. I touched Jensen’s arm, “Jensen, it’s okay. Please don’t do this. He’s not worth it, I’m not worth it. Think about your children, your career. Jensen’s gaze turned toward me, “Y/N you’re worth so much. You’re an amazing mother, a kind person, and so damn beautiful. I’d gladly go to jail for you. Trust me, there is a lot more I’d like to do to him.” 

My hand still on Jensen’s arm, “Please, let him go. Look, the police are here.” Jensen’s eyes turned toward the driveway as a police cruiser pulled up. 

He let his hand drop and the deputy put Robert in cuffs. “I want to press charges against him. He punched me.” Robert yelled as the deputy escorted him to the car.

Jensen approached another officer. “Jensen, how are you?” The man asked. Jensen extended his hand, “I’m good, look man. I did punch him, but he was going for her and there’s no way in hell I was going to stand by and let him put his hands on her again.” “Sounds like you were protecting yourself and her. He has a history of attacking her, and he has a warrant out. Plus I didn’t see it, and I’m not taking his word.”

He smiled at Jensen, and then over at me. He whispered something to Jensen and then Jensen looked at me and smiled. The officer tipped his hat at me and walked away. “So do you know everyone here?” I asked Jensen as the officer walked away. “Oh, kinda. I grew up with Tom. We used to get into trouble growing up.” Jensen laughed. 

I stepped closer to Jensen and placed my hand in his, “Thank you, Jensen. For everything you’ve done for Jazzy and me. I can’t begin to repay you.”

He gently took my face in his hands and held my gaze, “Sweetheart, you don’t have to repay me for anything. We protect the ones we care about. Now come on, let’s go get the kids from school and have a sleepover at my place.” I smiled, “I’m sure the kids will love just one more night together. I’ll go get some things together, and Jensen, thank you.” I placed a soft kiss on his lips as I turned to walk towards my room. 

Jensen’s heart leaped in his chest and he felt a twinge of sadness replaying my words, “just one more night together” he didn’t want just one more night, he wanted the rest of your nights. It scared him, but he was falling in love with you. Jensen knew it was fast, but the need to protect you, give you the love you deserve was overwhelming, and he adored Jazzy. 

I came back to the living room with an overnight bag. “Ready to go home?” Jensen asked. I smiled when he said “home”. “Yeah, let’s go get the kiddos and go home.” 

Jensen took the bag from me and took my hand. My heart fluttered and I felt warmth through my body. Was it possible I was falling in love with him? I swallowed hard and looked at him as he took my hand in his. 

Our fingers interlocked and he held tightly. Jensen smiled at me as we walked to his car. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. Jensen walked around and put my stuff in the trunk then slid in the driver's seat. 

He grabbed my hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. I smiled at him and took a deep breath. Oh I knew I was in trouble. I definitely was falling in love with him. 

We pulled up at the school and Jensen got out. Walking into the school Jensen placed his hand on the small of my back. Looking up at him he smiled, “Is this okay?” I nodded, “Yes, more than okay Jensen.” 

I waited anxiously with Jensen by my side for the kids to come up to the office. I heard Jazzy and Zeppelin giggling before I saw them. 

When Jazzy turned the corner and saw me she ran with her arms open wide. “Mommy!! You’re back. I missed you so much!” I dropped to my knees and pulled her into my arms tightly. I kissed her and told her how much I missed her. 

I noticed Zeppelin and Arrow standing to the side looking a little sad. I opened my arms and motioned for them to come to me and they leaped in my arms too. 

Jensen’s heart leaped. In that moment he saw the love you had for his children just pouring into the tight embrace you held the three children in. 

How could something so new, feel so incredibly perfect and easy? There was no way he could let you go, he only hoped you felt the same way. 

About 15 minutes later JJ was picked up and the six of you were headed to Jensen’s house. The kids talking and giggling in the backseat, Jensen and I stealing glances at each other. 

Something about this felt right, normal. Like it was meant to be. I looked out the window of the car and a tear slipped out. A wave of guilt washed over me. I missed Josh, I missed the life we shared and mourned the future we lost. How would he feel about Jensen? How would he feel about me falling for someone so quickly?

Jensen’s eyes were drifting from the road to me. He noticed my posture change and he caught a glimmer of a tear. Jensen wasn’t sure if he should reach out to me or not. He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the four children in the backseat. This moment, with the kids in the backseat and me by his side, felt right. His mind drifted to his late wife. A pang of guilt washed over him. How would she feel if she knew he was falling in love again? Would she be upset, or encourage it? He knew he needed to talk to Jared to help sort out his feelings. 

Arriving at Jensen’s house the kids jumped out and ran inside. Jensen grabbed my bag and helped me inside. “Let me show you where the guestroom is. I just got it cleaned out. Jazzy was sleeping on a makeshift bed in my room, but we can move her into the guestroom tonight.” “Thank you, Jensen. I really appreciate everything.”

Jensen carried my bag upstairs and showed me the guestroom. It was a large room, with an ensuite bathroom, and a king size bed. It was modestly decorated, but was warm and inviting. “I hope this is okay?” I stepped closer, touched his arm and said, “It’s perfect, thank you.” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

He cleared his throat, “Well, I’ll let you get settled. I need to make a phone call, but when I’m done I’ll start cooking dinner.” “Jensen, let me help you with dinner, please.” “Oh no, absolutely not. You’re my guest and you need to be resting.” Jensen said.

I sighed, “Okay, I’m not going to argue. I’ll get settled and see you soon.” Jensen smiled in victory and walked to his office. Shutting the door, he sat at the desk and pulled out his phone. Jensen called Jared. “Hey Jens, how’s Y/N?” Jared asked as he answered the phone. “She’s good, we are home, well at my house. I really needed to talk to you, Jar.” 

“Sure, man. What’s up? Is everything okay?” “I don’t know man. We kissed and it felt right, perfect. Being with her feels natural, the kids all being together, it feels like…” Jensen’s voice trailed off and Jared spoke, “Like the two of you are meant to be together?” Jensen’s voice soft, “Yes.”

Jared and Jensen sat in silence for a minute. “Jar, I’m falling in love with her and it scares the hell out of me. I feel like I’m betraying Dee, but, ugh, I don’t know man.” Jensen ran his hand through his hair. “Jensen, you’re not betraying anyone. She would want you to be happy and move on. If things feel like this, talk to Y/N. I bet she’s feeling the same way because what you’re saying has happened. Just talk to her, please.” 

Jensen sighed, “Yeah, thanks man. I’ll let you know how it goes.” “Okay, and Jensen, everything is going to be fine.” After a few minutes of talking the two friends said their goodbyes, leaving Jensen with his thoughts. Thoughts that kept drifting back to you, the kiss, and how it felt to have your hand in his. He took a deep breath and let it out. He knew he needed to talk to you. If the death of his wife taught him anything it was to never leave anything unsaid.

Walking through the house, he found you downstairs watching the kids play outside. A smile plastered on your face.

I turned when I heard Jensen walk into the room, “Hey, look at these four. They are having a blast. I’m so glad Jazzy has them.” Jensen smiled, stepped closer and looked at the children playing in the backyard. 

I felt him step closer to me, his body heat enveloping me like a warm blanket. 

His hand brushed gently against mine and I looked at him. His green eyes full of love and desire. Jensen smiled and softly said, “Hey, can we talk?” I nodded, my heart thumping loudly in my ears and caught in my throat.

We sat down on the couch, and I was terrified. I didn’t realize I was shaking, Jensen took my hands in his. “Y/N, it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared of me, of anything ever again. I’m here for you and Jazzy for as long as you want.” 

My head was down, I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I knew if I did all the love, all the feelings I was trying to keep inside would just bubble out. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I couldn’t take his children away from Jazzy.

Jensen’s hands lightly tilted my chin up, “Please look at me, sweetheart.” My eyes flicked up and I looked into his. Jensen smiled, “I have no idea how to start this conversation, and I don’t know how it’s going to end but I do know I need to tell you this.” 

I swallowed hard, terrified of what he was about to say. My words caught in my throat, my voice wouldn’t allow me to speak so I just nodded.

“When my wife died I was devastated, lost and broken. My focus shifted to the kids and taking care of them. Then you and Jazzy came into our lives. Now my focus has shifted again, and it includes you and Jazzy. I can’t explain it, but being with you, having the two of you here feels right, like you’re supposed to be here. Then we kissed and I haven’t felt what I felt in a long time. It honestly scares me because it’s so fast, but I’m ready to jump into whatever this is. I think, no, I know I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” Jensen let out a deep breath when he finished talking, it was like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

Tears filled my eyes. Jensen’s flashed with fear. “Jensen, when Josh died I didn’t think I’d ever be whole again. I had Jazzy and I felt so alone. I finally got the courage to date and you saw how that ended with Robert. Then you and your kids came into our lives at just the right moment. When you moved heaven and earth to get to me after I called you that night, when you took Jazzy in and sat at the hospital with me, I knew I was falling for you. Then we kissed and I hadn’t felt anything like that since Josh. When you protected me from Robert today, I knew I had fallen in love with you. You and your kids are everything to me. I’m scared, but more scared to just walk away from this. I don’t know where this is going to lead, but if you’re willing to try, so am I.” 

Jensen softly smiled and I saw the fear in his eyes replaced with joy and love. He cupped my face, leaned in and kissed me. My hands went in his hair and he pulled me close. He deepened the kiss. We were so into the kiss we didn’t hear the door open. 

Then a little voice pulled us out of the kiss, “Daddy..” Jensen smiled against my lips as we pulled away. My face was red and he was smiling, “Hey Zeppy, what’s up buddy?” “Um, can we have a snack?”

Jensen cleared his throat, stood and said, “Yep, let’s get you guys some snacks.” Jensen looked back at me and winked and I smiled.

I stood and walked in the kitchen to help him make a snack. Each time we passed each other we would gently touch each other. He reached above my head to grab some plates and as he did he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. 

Butterflies filled my stomach. I felt like a teenager in love. 

We walked outside with the snacks and were greeted by four giggling children. “What’s so funny guys?” Jensen asked as he set the snacks down. JJ walked over, “Daddy, are you and Miss Y/N getting married?” Jensen and I both looked stunned, “What? Why would you ask that?” “Because Zeppy said he saw you two kiss like you and mommy used to.” 

My face burned red hot. Jensen chuckled, “No, sometimes when you like someone a lot you kiss them like that to show them. But only grown ups kiss like that.” You chuckled when he said that because it was such a dad thing to say. 

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and spending time together. Jensen made burgers on the grill as the kids played in the yard and I sat watching. I tried to help but he wouldn’t let me. 

I sat on the back porch as the sun started setting, watching the kids play and Jensen cooking. I couldn’t help but smile. This was a perfect moment. Jazzy was having so much fun playing with the kids and I loved seeing this side of Jensen. 

“Hey, sweetheart, what are you thinking about?” Jensen asked as he smiled at me. “Just how perfect this is. Jazzy is having a blast and I just feel really lucky to be a part of this.” 

Jensen walked over to me, held out his hand and pulled me up. “This can be our life, for as long as you want.” I smiled, looked over at the kids and then up at him. I placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

Jazzy came running up, “Daddy, can I have a juice box?” I whipped my head to look at her, surprised by what she said. Jensen smiled and then Jazzy realized what she said. 

A look of embarrassment crossed her face. She took off inside, crying. 

I let go of Jensen and started to go after her. He touched my arm, “Let me go talk to her, please.” He asked gently. I nodded. 

He walked inside and found her hiding on the side of the bed. “Jazzy, sweetie, come out. It’s okay baby.” She peeked over the bed at Jensen. Her big eyes, red from crying. 

He motioned for her to come out. She slowly got up and walked over to him. Jensen pulled her in his lap and hugged her. Jazzy looked at him and sniffled, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you daddy.” She said as her tears fell again. 

Jensen wiped her tears away and hugged her, “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay. You can call me Jensen, Daddy, or Daddy Jensen if you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with is okay with me.” 

Jazzy’s eyes went wide, “I can call you daddy?” Jensen smiled and let out a little chuckle, “If you want to.” She smiled and nodded, “I don’t remember my daddy, but mommy says he loved me very much and always took care of me. You take care of me too. I think you are like my daddy.” 

I stood in the hallway listening to them and my heart melted and ached too. Josh was an incredible father and it breaks my heart Jazzy missed out on it, but I’m so glad she has Jensen. 

Jensen hugged her and kissed her head. “Come on sweetie, let’s go get washed up for dinner.” She nodded and jumped down, running out of the room and down stairs. 

When Jensen walked out of the room he saw me and smiled, “How much of that did you hear?” I stepped up to him, put my arms around his neck, “Enough to know you’re more amazing than I imagined, and we are so lucky to have you.” Jensen smiled, pulled me flush to his body, “I’m the lucky one baby. You and Jazzy fit perfectly here with us.” 

I smiled and kissed him, he deepened the kiss and I couldn’t help but moan in his mouth. When we finally parted I looked into his green eyes, “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of kissing you.” Jensen laughed, “Good, because I won’t either.” Then he kissed me again. 

A few hours later the giggles of the children had quieted and they were in bed. Jensen and I sat together on the couch. My legs to the side of me as I laid against him. His arm laying on me, and his fingers dancing up and down my arm.

“Jensen, how is this going to work?” I asked, breaking the silence that filled the room. Jensen turned towards me, taking my hands in his, “Baby, we will figure it out. When I’m gone filming I’ll call you as often as I can, video chat when I can too, when I’m home, we will all be together, spending nights like this. I’m all in, Y/N.” 

“I’m all in too, Jensen.” I moved to kiss him and he pulled me over to straddle his lap. My sleep shorts were thin and his sweatpants left nothing to the imagination. As I straddled him and kissed him deeper, I could feel his arousal pressing into me. My hips moved down and pressed his desire into me, pulling a moan from his lips. 

His hands trailed up my body and it sent a rush of heat through my body. My heart quickened as my hands rested on his rock hard chest. I could feel my desire growing as Jensen’s hands moved over my body.

His teeth pulled my lower lip and I moaned. Jensen’s hands tugged at the hem of my shirt. I shook my head and he quickly pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the side. My bra covered breasts exposed to the cool air. Jensen looked over my body, his eyes scanning every inch. It made me feel vulnerable and desired all at once. His fingers danced across my skin, softly touching each bruise left by Robert. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. You deserve so much better.” His lips kissed each bruise, like a silent plea to make it go away. I had never felt more wanted, needed and protected then I did when I was in his arms.

“Jensen, please.” “Are you sure, darlin’? We don’t have to rush this.” “Yes, I want this, I want you. If you do.” 

Jensen pulled me into a deep kiss. This kiss was different than before. It was full of need, passion and want. I returned his kiss with equal fervor. 

Jensen leaned back, “Come on, sweetheart, let’s take this to the bedroom.” I nodded and he helped me stand. He took my hand and led me through the house to his bedroom. 

Once in the room, he closed the door and locked it. Capturing my lips again, he led me backwards to the bed. Gently laying me down, he hovered over me. He leaned up and removed his shirt. When I took in his chest, my thighs clenched together. Damn this man was stunning. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Jensen asked softly as his lips trailed over my skin. “Yes. I’m ready, are you?” Jensen nodded, “More than ready.”

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[harzilla]

Honestly can I admit I've been sitting on writing a full God!Yuu fic? I keep trying to turn game mechanics into God skills. I just wanna throw this out there. Sorta a ficlet? It's mostly my kind of stream of thoughts.

Imagine the guys are absolutely clueless that the "magicless" human is a god. Like a trickster god and whatever little thing that follows their amusement and they notice a weird little blip of magic one day and decides to follow where it leads.

they immediately shift into a vessel that fits the world and when Grim busts open the coffin the god realizes it's his magic they noticed. Oh? Interesting....

The dark mirror can't read their soul because the mirror is tuned into the souls of those born in Twisted Wonderland. The body? Yes. Their actual being? No. So for the first time the mirror calls a colorless empty soul since it's creation.

The god soon realizes they're in a school of humanoid mages and they can sense the different flows of magic from everybody. Allowing them to be able easily analyze what kind of magic it is, ties into the world/nature(aero, water, fire) and emotions(void/light)the self.

Our God realizes that things could get boring fast if they push their powers around and they decide to handicap themselves by only using intentional power to prevent somebody from dying. They're not particularly interested in seeing a bunch of kids die. Mortal lives are fleeting but full of fascinating things.

It turns out that Twisted Wonderland is very interesting if you're willing to see where things lead. But, they can still interfere if they do it within the limitations of a magicless mortal, right?

They also can also pick up on the emotions of mortals and the drips of blot they see are literal buildup of negative emotions starting to manifest in a physical world, very nasty little thing. But only they can see it at this point. They stick by Ace and Deuce because they know that the two will lead them to Riddle. The only one dripping blot at this point within their line of sense. They work with Ace and Deuce, so it's only natural they follow because they helped make the tart, right? They know they can only allow the overblot to happen because they limited their powers but the rancid magic wafting off Riddle makes them unhappy. Diving into Riddle's mind they gently pull through his memories and pull the threads of his thoughts in the right direction. Weakening the link to the overblot and allows Riddle's own mind to push forward and ask the question he needed to hear. This Allows Riddle to hit a breakthrough the overwhelmingly destructive negative feelings. It severes the link to the overblot completely, killing the overblot and allowing Riddle to live.

Riddle awakens and now our God slips back into the magicless human act. They know something is off and they're going to follow along because they want to see just what is causing the world to flow in the direction it's going.

The sticker system is them giving the guys blessing. Our God likes interesting things and the entire rewardable cast is their kind of fun. These stickers kind of create a pavlova effect where they feel positive energy/feelings when around the prefect. The emotions trigger the blessings they received that it boosts their magic. Thus the higher the friendship the higher the magic output

Honey? Candies? All the treats? More blessings. Increased lessons is the god blessing them with more lessons by tweaking the flow of time. They can't perceive the change unless the god wants them to.

They enjoy learning new things about everybody and seeing their progress. They like studying the different dynamics between everybody and are always curious about what's running through their head. A bunch of hormonal teenagers with way to much power at their fingertips always attracts trouble. But also they find them all endearing in their own weird ways.

Of course our god sometimes creates it's own trouble, oh my it seems the tsums felt the gods power somehow and they showed up at specifically Ramshackle? oh my how odd? The God permits it because, well it's interesting and the tsums are harmless if not as chaotic as their counterparts. Just the right kind of mischief they're looking for. Of course maybe our god might have felt a tiny bit bored, saw this adorable magical creatures by staring out into the infinite void of space, magic, and existence and was all "Visit this world please? 🥺"

I just have so many ideas for this I honestly feel like I should try to make a long fic of this idea. But I just want you to think about the absolute crisis all of them go through when they're revealed to be a god that has just let the guys do everything that has happened throughout the entire plot and events because they're amused?

But oh what fun they can have now! Now that they can mess with the guys openly. Only the ones they permit can tell anything is happening.

Pay backs fun now isn't it?

[edwinspaynes]

Why don't you like Cryland? I'm p neutral to them but think they have a couple good scenes

Thanks for the ask! It's rare for me to hate a ship while loving both characters in the ship. Usually I hate ships when I think one doesn't deserve the other or when I hate both characters.

I ADORE both Charles and Crystal. So this is new!

Disclaimer: If you ship Cryland, you may want to skip this post. But if you to read it, I do not have any beef with you. Ship and let ship <3

So, first, they have absolutely no romantic chemistry whatsoever. Like what are they even doing. The chemistry meter is just at 0.

But I think it goes a step further than that for me. I understand that Cryland is almost certainly bi4bi, but the ship reads as very... comphet to me. Not for the bi characters were made straight, but it feels like the show itself felt like it needed to have a compulsory M/F ship so they were inserted. The lack of chemistry especially makes me feel like the writers were like "oh, we should have the girl and a boy have a mid romance so there's something for the straights." It especially bothers me in a show that otherwise does NO pandering to the straight gaze whatsoever, and I find it confusing. Maybe it was an attempt to evade the Homophobic Canceling Chopping Block, but a) Edwin is so gay that a random forced M/F ship wasn't going to make a difference, and b) look how that worked out for them.

Finally, and I think this is probably the real nail in the coffin for me, is that I REALLY WANT TO SEE THEIR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP. Like, they have a ton in common! They're both mixed kids who dealt with abusive upbringings, and they're both almost certainly bi and seem to be kind of in denial of that fact. They have compatible senses of humor, and Charles welcomed and supported Crystal when she came to the agency. WHY DID YOU WASTE THIS POTENTIALLY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP ON A FORCED RELATIONSHIP? I want to see them being besties! Shooting the shit! Not flirting in a really silly, forced way!

Last, my petty greivance: "I will always hit a demon with a cricket bat for you" is a great quote. I wish it could have been Charles to Edwin.

[jojo-schmo]

Just Admit It- Part 1

I've been playing around with possible friendship dynamics of the Beast Council for fun!! I love imagining what kind of childhood they could have in the Forgotten Land all together.

What if Carol and Sillydillo are the fun-loving extroverts? Leon is the introverted one who's been smitten by Carol for a really really long time but he's too shy about it? And Gori is the friend who is an excellent observer and will bluntly tell you what he thinks (and maybe has a tendency to get grumpy when things aren't easily going his way).

Somewhat of a prequel to this other doodle comic about Leon and Carol- everyone here is still a kid ^_^

Part 2

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Spider And Her Demons

YA Australian urban fantasy/horror

about a Malaysian-Chinese girl who’s half spider-demon, just trying to keep her head down and survive high school

when she accidentally kills and eats a man in front of the most popular girl at school, they strike up a strange friendship and she starts to learn more about herself and the supernatural world

aroacespec/sapphic ish

[bicheetopuff]

I wish childhood friends were real…

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[anti-transphobia]

Everyone posts about how Stardew Valley is a cozy LGBT+ inclusive game but NO ONE mentions the lack of a platonic option for the bachelors/bachelorettes. Which would be good for aspec people and also just more pleasant for many casual players I believe but that's not even the point. I just want to become best friends with everyone and not only does that require me dating everyone at once and feeling like a sleazebag because of it (ik the bad cutscene can be avoided but I know in my heart they'd be hurt if they knew) BUT it also means the women flirt with me!!!!! Constantly!!!!!!! It makes me sick to my stomach. Truly ruining the characters I liked

[welcometoteyvat]

nahida dialogues, sethos dialogue, and some optional dialogues (mostly just sethos) from cyno's sq2 for reference (chinese and english transcriptions just for fun)

warning this is long as fuck

after talking to ??? (sethos) at the oasis:

nahida lines:

carefree desert dweller: Huh. those guys are pretty cautious. They just sent one person to try to talk to us. 那些家伙还挺谨慎的吗，只派一个人来跟我们搭话，哈。

irritable desert dweller: These are the guys we’re been waiting for, huh? They ain’t what I expected. 这些就是咱们要等的人？和我想的不一样啊。。。

after meeting sethos and entering the temple of silence

>nahida lines:

Sethos: These guys clearly care a lot about each other. This is a long way for them all to come. 这群人彼此感情还挺深的嘛，难怪都跟来了。

Tighnari: The situation's even more complicated than I expected. I should make sure I know the way out before we go any further. 情况比预想的更复杂。得提前观察一下出去的路线。

Cyno: Professor... 老师。。。

>talk to Sethos, pick 1 of 3 dialogue options:

>You were the one who tricked Urraca, right?

Sethos: Yes, that was me. Although, "tricked" is a stretch. He was asking everyone in the tavern about ways to make some easy money. He insisted that nothing was off the table, even if it broke the law. So I told him that Cyrus had embezzled a large sum of Mora from the desert. 嗯，是我。不过你说得不准确，我没有骗那个学生，是他自己在酒馆里打听有没有来钱快的办法。他还说什么都可以，只要能弄到钱，违法也没关系。于是我告诉他居勒什偷藏了一大笔从沙漠搞来的钱。

Paimon: So you framed Cyrus for a crime that he did not commit! 那不就是栽赃居勒什吗！

Sethos: No no no, that's not entirely true. Let me jog your memory — the letter just said that he had uncovered Cyrus's secret. It didn't say what secret that was. 话不能这么说，回忆一下，他只说自己知道居勒什的秘密，又没有说是什么秘密。

>Did you tell him to use that wording? Sethos: Of course. Urraca was a great accomplice, really. Very cooperative with a little bit of wine in him — did exactly what he was told… And not much of an original thinker though. It doesn't surprise me that he struggles academically. 当然。乌拉卡真是个好帮手，喝醉了很听话，对出主意的人言听计从。。。这么没主见，难怪在教令院混不下去啊。

Paimon: Why did Cyrus leave for the desert as soon as he received the letter? 那为什么居勒什一收到信就连夜离开了？

Sethos: You'll have to ask him that one yourself. Certain things I can't answer for him. I'm neither judging nor defending him. All you need to know is that he recognized our emblem, and it was his own choice to take the bait. 这个嘛，你们自己去问居勒什吧。有些事我不能替他回答，好话坏话都说不得。你只要知道居勒什认识我们的纹章，他是愿者上钩。

>Do you know Cyno?

Sethos: Ahaha, what kind of a question is that? He's the General Mahamatra, everyone in Sumeru knows who he is. 啊哈哈，瞧你问的，须弥谁不认识大风纪官赛诺大人啊。

Paimon: Right, but back at the oasis, you can't have known who he was for sure, or you wouldn't have asked him. So what we're really asking is... Have you never seen him in person before? 可是刚才在绿洲，你还特地问了一句谁是赛诺。。。难道你从来没见过他？

Sethos: I've lived in the desert my whole life. Guess you could say... I've never had the pleasure. 我又不住在雨林，大风纪官哪是想见就能见到的？

Paimon: Ugh... Why does Paimon feel like this guy's not being straight with us... 唔。。。总觉得这家伙瞒着什么没说。。。

Sethos: C'mon, we've only just met. If I give you all the answers up front, you'll have nothing left to look forward to. 我们才见没多久，现在就把答案全都告诉你，以后的日子怎么过啊。

>Have you ever been to the Akademiya?

Sethos: No. Not once. 没进去过。

Paimon: Really?

Sethos: I have no need to go there — not when the taverns are full of the Urracas of this world. Besides, we're well aware of what goes on at that place. 我没必要去教令院啊，乌拉卡这种人酒馆里多的是。再说，教令院的作为我们也不是不清楚。

>Are you saying you have spies inside the city? Sethos: Spies? Heh, it's not as clandestine as that. The city gates are wide open, anyone's free to walk in. You can find out all you need to know just by walking around town and hearing the word on the street. 须弥城就在那里，谁想进就能随便进的嘛。每天那么多人在街上聊天，到处逛逛就知道了。

after bamoun's death

>nahida lines:

Sethos: Did you see, Grandfather? Cyno chose me to succeed you as leader of the Temple of Silence. I will now serve in his stead. It's still early days, and I can't say that I know him that well yet. But after that battle, I now understand why he came here with a whole group of friends. Companionship means to trust and be trusted. Just like Cyno and his friends, we too will fight side by side and support each other in times of trouble. 爷爷，你知道吗？赛诺选择我代替他成为缄默之殿的新任首领了。不能说我多了解他，可经过那一战，我完全明白了为什么赛诺和他的同伴会一起前来。信赖他人，也被人信赖，这才是同伴的意义。并肩作战，互相扶持，呵，这点上，我们和他们没有区别。

Cyrus: All these years, I've felt like I'm still young, I still have lots to look forward to in life. But now… I suddenly feel… I too have grown old, Bamoun, just like you. 这么多年，我经常觉得自己还年轻得很，还有很多事可以做。但现在，居然觉得。。。我和你一样，都还是老了啊，巴穆恩。

>talk to sethos:

Sethos: Grandfather, we did it. We achieved what we set out to do. From this day on, the Temple of Silence has the chance to work with the Akademiya once more. Real change, real opportunities... They are now within our grasp. 爷爷，目标达成了，就像我们期待的那一样。从今天开始，缄默之殿可能再次与教令院合作。改变和机遇，我们都已经得到了。

>talk to cyrus:

Cyrus: … *sigh* The people of the desert are stubborn folk, fiercely loyal to their heritage, even if it means suffering years of hardship and pain. You said this yourself. But why did you feel the need to go this far? You never were the fearsome leader you made yourself out to be, Bamoun. … Being stubborn and unyielding is bound to send you to an early grave. Haha... 。。。唉。沙漠人的固执决定了他们将忠于传承，也决定了他们要承受坎坷。这话是你自己说的。可为什么能执着到这种地步呢。。。你从来都不是可怕的人啊，巴穆恩。顽冥不灵的人，难免死在前头。哈哈。。。

after talking to cyrus as cyno

>nahida lines:

Cyrus: ... I can't treat my students like kids anymore. I have to admit, Cyno has matured far beyond my expectations. From now on, I'll just enjoy life as a retired sage. The future is safe in the hands of the younger generation.

我也不能把学生当小孩子看了。必须承认赛诺已经成长得超乎我想象。以后我啊，当一个退休老贤者就好啦。年轻一辈会负担起未来的。

Cyno: Joke... how do I make this a joke... 在想了，我在想了。。。

didn't transcribe the following conversations: collei and asfand when looking for cyno, zaha hadi dialogue, alhaitham and kaveh at the house of daena, dehya and candace, naphis and cyrus after returning, and the dialogue for cyrus and cyno at the end.

bilibili cn video of most of the missable scenes and nahida thought voicelines (i didn't know collei had one too until this lol). the english dub is all in the genshin wiki

[titsthedamnseason]

i actually feel like crying. it should be illegal to drift apart from your friends