#Bruce cannot stop adopting them as is

[lifetimeoftired]

How to adopt a dead kid in three weeks or less

It's midnight and I'm hopped up on that ADHD juice. Been thinking on and off about this prompt and how things play out. Might clean this up for ao3 posting later but whatever.

Part 1 || Part 2

____

Danny can feel the weight of their stares like it’s physical. A last mournful glance at his pancakes- Actually no, fuck it. He grabs the last one from his plate, flashes the whole Wayne family a peace sign, and turns invisible. The pancake is eaten as he dashes out the door and away from the shouting and chaos he leaves the family in.

 -

“Where the FUCK did he go!?” Jason’s shout somehow made it above the din of the others- and got Bruce and Dick yelling ‘language’ back at him. The pricks.

“I say! Watch your tone Master Jason! As for the rest of you-” The whole family shut the immediate fuck up when Alfred speaks. His displeased expression more than enough to cow them into submission. “I expect you to clean up after yourselves today and a quiet trip to the batcave to find our new ward. Master Jason, you will be taking care of Master Danny’s plates, and I will hear of an apology from you for scaring that poor boy.”

There’s a chorus of ‘yes Alfred’ from the chastised bats, but Bruce- carefully mind you- presses.

“Alfred, how long has he been here? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“The young master has been staying for the past three weeks sir. And despite my best attempts, I have not yet been able to convince him to sleep in his own room.”

Bruce groans and rubs at his face before turning back to his other children, “Nobody thought to tell me!?”

The kids all look at each other, and then back at him with the most judgmental ‘are you serious’ looks they can muster. Except Cassandra, who very excitedly signs; New brother! All Bruce can do is sigh into his hands.

“We’ll discuss this later-”

“Why didn’t you notice then old man?” Jason grins, a little feral at Bruce’s dirty look but sue him.

“Okay okay, let’s hurry up and get this place cleaned up. There’s no telling how far Danny got- and the sooner we go after him the sooner we figure out what’s going on.” Dick said, quickly gathering his own plate. 

“And the sooner I can get all of you presents.” The entire family stops. Staring at Jason in shock. “Only the finest ‘World’s best detective’ mugs for all of you!” 

The groan he gets from all of them is perfect.

-

“I cannot believe you didn’t think to tell me either!” Batman scolds Oracle later. 

Everyone is out in force. Even Batwoman, Batwing, and Bluebird (after having a good laugh at Batman’s expense) had joined. They had all been searching for Danny the better part of the day. Batman had even agreed to let Red Robin and Robin join the search and skip school. That’s how seriously the kids knew he was taking this. And how important it was for one of them to get to Danny before Batman scared him off for good with his infamous paranoia.

“If you didn’t notice, that one’s on you Batman.” God Jason really loved Barbara sometimes. 

“Oracle would not have allowed a dangerous individual into our midst. She is thorough when it comes to such things.” Robin is moving fast, probably swinging right behind Batman. No doubt headed east where the nicer areas were and any sane person was bound to head.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, baby bat.”

“O, you wouldn’t happen to have a new update on Danny’s whereabouts would you? Or anything from his past?” Nightwing cuts in after Robin’s little ‘Tt’. He’s somewhere near the border to Bludhaven, in case Danny’s making it out that way.

“Nothing Nightwing.” They can hear her frustration, and concern, through the voice modulator. “The kid’s practically a ghost. All I can tell you is that he’s not from Gotham. What little I can find of his time here in Gotham is some security feeds of dumpster diving and sleeping on a bench.”

“He’s also definitely a meta.” Signal mutters, somewhere to the west and near the coast..

Jason remains quiet and lets them all talk. As funny as it is- and holy shit Jason will never let any of them live this down ever- it is a little strange this random kid would just... Show up out of nowhere. Meta or not. Alfred said he wouldn’t sleep in a bed of his own, but he also hadn’t left until after Jason questioned his existence. This ‘Danny’ had been around the manor, the bats coming and going, for weeks. He could’ve found out their secrets, and even if he hadn’t sold them out yet, there’s no telling who might pick him up and drag those secrets out of him. Or worse, if he was sent here by someone, then they needed to find out who. And fast…

….

Ugh. He sounded like Batman.

“Hey guys, how well do you even know Danny?” Jason pulls over near an abandoned apartment building. Cutting the engine to his bike to hear them all better. “He was there for a few weeks, pick up anything on him? Might help us figure out where he ran off to.” That last bit was added as an afterthought, not wanting to be too paranoid, but it was also true.

“I know how this is going to sound, but uh, well, he does seem really nice actually.” Signal helpfully offers. “Dick and I ran into Danny I think not long after he got there?”

“O’s camera feed tells us Danny arrived at the manor 28 days ago, Thursday night 11:38 PM. Looking at the records, he was picked up prior to that in front of Wayne Enterprises by one of our drivers- Archer Tenson. He’s reliable and honest, no record of any sort that would make him a suspect of subterfuge.” Nightwing rattles off the information pretty calmly, but they all know him well enough to hear the concern. “According to the records, he was going to pick up the caffeine addict after the cafe got an alert of his fourth Death Latte-” They all ignored Red Robin’s little ‘hey!’, “-and dropped him off safely at home.”

“Red Robin.” Batman’s parental disapproval was palpable through the comms. 

“There wasn’t a fourth Death Latte!” Red Robin protested from his place in the batcave. Aiding in the digital search and combing over the camera feeds over the past few weeks for any information about Danny. “The third Death Latte was the last one. An Alert at W.E. was the plan the whole night. Nobody made it back to the manor until sunrise and the cafe kept saying there wasn’t any more coffee and-!” He gasped, horrified! Outraged! And the rest were left to hold their snickers as Red Robin said, “He stole my last coffee!”

“That’s right, Danny said he was a caffeine addict too.” Batwing mused. Probably flying somewhere over the more open suburbia in case Danny was trying to make a break out of the city that way.

“Wait when did you meet Danny?” Spoiler asked- Jason knew she was patrolling nearby with Bluebird. Those two, Orphan and Signal were the only ones who were allowed to come close to Crime Alley. Mainly because they annoyed Jason the least, but also because they understood how bad the streets could get and looked the other way better than the others. Signal surprised him about that one.

“Start from the beginning.” Batman orders. “Nightwing, Signal, you met Danny when?”

“Looking back, it was actually the day after he got there it sounds like.” Signal sighs. “I was headed downstairs for breakfast, and saw Dick in one of the sitting rooms. I thought I saw our caffeine addict passed out on the couch and thought dick was going to wake him, so I went in to help…”

[lotus-slumbers]

Yandere batfamily x addict reader?

Would they exploit and manipulate the reader, making em solely dependent on the family for their fix — either to originally trap them at the manor or continuing to supply em forever, because it makes the reader dependant on them, acting all cuddly and desperate. or would they reform and sober up the reader? Have em go through a whole rehabilitation process style.

Gotham’s not safe for the poor reader, imagine all the villains who’d kill em for the drugs they’re so dependent on? But it’s okay! Because the Wayne’s will protect em. Whether the reader wants them to or not isn’t up for debate.

If you’re uncomfortable with this topic I totally understand. Just send me a message to say pls??

Yandere! Batfam x Addict! Reader Headcannons

Tw: addiction, substance abuse, etc.

— If there was anything that could accelerate the Batfam abducting adopting their darling sooner, this would be it.

— In their eyes, this is a type of abuse. Abuse from all of those around you and nobody is safe from the pointing of their accusatory finger. Not even those people who truly are innocent and have tried to help.

— You may notice people around you drawing away, avoiding you. Maybe some friends who you used to talk with who shared the same addiction, others a dealer who supplied you.

— Though, you may not notice this at all because they'll work quick.

— The term "self-harm" is thrown around once while discussing your habitual substance abuse and that's it. That's all it takes to make them snap and agree unanimously that, yes, this is for the best. Today is the day, if they have everything completely set up for you or not.

— Within twenty-four hours, you'll be in the manor with your family. Right where you belong.

— Rich people get same-day delivery!! Woohoo!! 🙌 🚚

— Of course, that isn't the only motivator for the Wayne's to take you. As much as it pains them to see you suffering at your own hands, they understand just how well the scum of Gotham can and will hurt you.

— They'll take care of the vermin that supplied and enabled you all the same. They have a duty to Gotham, it was going to happen eventually, just now there might be a little bit more passion to it... They won't tell you about it, though.

— The Batfam would most definitely attempt to nip the problem in the bud, forcing you to go cold turkey immediately.

— Bruce will have everything thought out. He's spent countless hours since learning about your issues researching in depth everything he could possibly need to know.

— They have patches at the ready for you when you start to feel the effects of withdrawal. They have stress balls and plenty of activities to try and keep your mind elsewhere and on other things.

— And eyes on you, always.

— And a bracelet, pressed snuggly against your skin and seemingly impossible to get off, to monitor your health. Reports directly at their fingertips, whenever they want it.

— They want you in the best condition they can have you. Not just physically, but mentally too. Bruce would most likely like to have one-on-one conversations with you, about life before, your transitioning here, and, of course, how you are doing with withdrawal.

— If he thinks you're not doing a good enough job with him, he can always pay for the best help available. With his amount of money, nobody has to know either... So don't think of asking them to help you. You won't be believed or they simply won't do it.

— Bruce, Dick, and Jason would probably be the worse about lecturing you on it. Mention withdrawal to them or any desire to return to what you once had... Oh boy, good luck.

— Bruce would go on and on about your health. How he loves you. Wants what is best for you, even if you cannot see it. A deep look of disappointment and concern behind his eyes. He won't school it, he wants to to see it. Feel it and stop. Grow into the person he knows you can be, with their help. Let him protect you.

— Dick is fairly similar to Bruce in this regard, although he is a little more relaxed, trying to be on your level while also acting as your "older brother," something he takes much pride in. He'll probably baby you more than the others, offering to help find alternatives and promise rewards for your efforts (not that you have much of a choice in the matter).

— Jason, though? Jason Todd, the little boy who grew up on the streets? Watch the lives of those he loved so much be ruined and so cruelly snatched away by these exact things? No way. It hits way too close to home, especially since it's you.

— He's understanding towards you so long as you don't push too far. One mention of wanting it and he's on your ass, telling you off about it. He'll help with withdrawal. He'll help you get over it, be a shoulder to lean on and a friend to laugh with, but, God, don't you dare threaten him like that ever again.

— Tim helps with Bruce and his plans most of all, going through all the little details to help plan out the smoothest way to go about this.

— Damian is pissed that you would even ever do any of this in the first place, beating you in his weakest, more frustrated moments but this reaffirms to him that you need him.

— Really, this reaffirms all of them that, despite any guilt, they may feel for the "crimes" they committed for you, it was the right choice. That their darling needed them, desperately.

— They'll never give up on you, not in your darkest moments or theirs. They love you, through and through, and would give the world to you if only you asked.

— But they'd never, ever let you do that to yourself. Your last high was the last time you would ever, ever be.

— They know they could supply you, that it could be an easy way to control you and gain your love. Love that they are so desperately longing for, wanting to be returned, but they won't do it. They can't do that. Not to you of all people.

— It goes against their very nature, as it would harm you.

— You'll learn to love them eventually. It isn't like there is a real rush. You're not going anywhere at all. They'll take the long, high road.

— Batfam will protect you to their last breath and love you through and through. You don't need to do a thing.

— The only reason they would ever supply you is if they truly had no other options. If you were super-powered in a way they could not find a way to contain or around people they couldn't take you away from. Which is a highly unlikely possibility.

💜 A/n: Sorry that this took me so long to get to. Hopefully, it's not too typo-ridden and you enjoy it!

This is not meant to glorify any type of substance abuse or any type of addiction. This was my first time writing for such so please, if I made a mistake in my handling of the subject, reach out and let me know!

For substance abuse treatment and mental health referrals, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

You are loved beyond measure.

[haveihitanerve]

Bruce makes it in time to get to Jason. But… is it enough to save him?

“Master Bruce-“ “I’m almost there Alfred.” Bruce bites back, almost breaking his wrist by how hard he twists the motorcycle accelerator. And he is. He can see the warehouse. Bruce lands, not even bothering to slow, leaping off the bike as it crashes into the trees and he sprints for the doors, terrified he’ll make it too late, that he won’t be fast enough for his son. The door slams open, Bruce not even bothering to check if it’s locked or not, just plowing it down, and hurries inside, spotting his son within a moment. Jason opens his eyes in surprise, mouth curving to form a perfect O. “Br- Batman.” He whispers, voice hoarse with disbelief. Bruce rushes to his side, cupping his cheek, cradling the boy- his boy, to his chest. “Jay. Jay bird. Jaylad. Hey firecracker. Hey bud.” Jason’s eyes fill with tears and Bruce does his best to wipe them away, to press a kiss to his son's forehead. “You came.” Jason whispers, tears clogging his throat. “Of course baby.” Bruce murmurs, rocking back and forth. “Of course I came, baby. I will always come for you. Always.” He presses another kiss to Jason’s head. “I love you son. I love you, I love you, I love you.” “I love you too-“ Jason rasps, but his eyes catch something on the wall behind him. “Dad, wait- the bomb-“ the explosion shakes the very earth, and Gotham seems to curl in on herself, screaming with a pain and rage that is unimaginable. In a basement cave in the middle of Gotham, a butler's hands go cold. A man, wearing a blue mask a city over, suddenly feels a chill sweep over him, and something inside him, probably his heart, feels like it’s been torn in two.

Their bodies are found, or at least what’s left of them, two days later, the larger man wrapped almost completely around the smaller, cradling his boy to his chest. Nightwing almost beats Joker to death and is only stopped by three others, all of which seem just as inclined to kill him, but resist. Gotham mourns, earthquakes shaking the ground, warehouses crumbling to dust, and Joker is found drowned in the harbor, the fishes whisper of a presence so old and strong even the biggest fish feared her, and Aquaman shudders. Gothamites mourn their fallen Prince and his adopted son, but Gotham mourns her prodigal sons, her children, her oldest and youngest, and cradles the last survivor to her chest, cloaking him in shadows and gifting him all the things she did not give the others, the things she thought they wouldn’t need so long as they had each other, the things she had not yet granted them ready for. She drapes them over the young, jaded hero, gifting him sight and smell and sound, allowing him to control her shadows and her streets and most of all… gifting him flight, the way his namesake first claimed, the way her firstborn child and her youngest were never able to. The Vulture takes to the Gotham skyline like a moth to open flames, perhaps a little less withdrawn with his punches, perhaps a little more protective of young boys, but belonging to Gotham all the same. The Joker stole something from her, and she will never allow it to happen again. The Vulture gains followers, friends, the Starling, the Goldfinch, the Owl, the Crow, the Cardinal, and Robin, all under Gothams protection, and she has him watch, from his watery prison, as they protect her, defend their city from the ilk like him, not giving in to their rage and revenge, but helping, rebuilding Gotham in his image. Their image. The man who saw hope, and his son. Batman and Robin.

(In case it was unclear, the three people pulling dick away from Joker are Babs, Kate and Luke, and then the Vulture is dick, and his friends, in order as listed, are Stephanie, Duke, Babs, Cass, Tim, and Damian. Also Gotham does kill Joker because she knows dick cannot but she also keeps him half alive, suspended in time, destined to drown for all eternity and watch as the bats succeed in honor of Batman the man he fought against.)

[ravenlilyrose]

Gotham does not want to lose one of Her children again. She's already gone to the trouble of bringing him back to life (a challenge to be sure, it took her months, but worth it for him, for them) and She was not about to let this... this... woman take him from Her again.

(She would not kill the woman, for the sake of the boy--tiny still and not yet fully Hers---the boy who was Her child's child and who would one day, she knew (because time was not linear, not to Her), also be one of Hers. For his sake, his mother would live.)

So, at the border of Gotham City (a purely political line; her true influence spread several miles more, and Her children would never be fully out of Her reach), Talia al Ghul steps over the city limits without so much as a thought, but Jason Todd--catatonic and being led by Talia's hand around his wrist--is stopped, as though he ran into a solid wall.

They are, for now, unobserved, and Talia tries thing after thing to get him through, getting more and more frustrated. Up until this point, she has not harmed Jason, but the moment she goes to grab his arm hard enough to bruise, a bubble pops up around him and she is thrown back. While the 'wall' at the city limits could not be seen, this bubble shimmers in unnamable colors. (Jason's eyes dart from place to place, following patterns and movements only he, so far, can see.)

Talia doesn't stop trying, but they now start to attract a crowd. Maybe Talia wasn't being as careful anymore, maybe her plan had depended on having been gone by now, or maybe Gotham drew some of Her people to this spectacle.

They watch, for a while, and a few even try to step through the bubble. It is fairly clear that the woman was trying to take the boy somewhere and that the boy was in no state to even realize what was happening. So, a few try to step in, but they also cannot pass through the bubble.

This is when Tim Drake comes along. I don't know when, exactly, Jason's resurrection falls in the timeline, so maybe he already has a plan, maybe he's already started to put it into play, but today, for once, he is doing something entirely mundane. Maybe he's on his way to school, or to the skate-park, or to a friend's house, but it has nothing to do with the local vigilantes.

Tim, the obsessive little stalker that he is, recognizes Jason immediately. A true Gothamite, he takes no more than a second to wonder about the resurrection before accepting it and moving on. Talia al Ghul he doesn't recognize, but he's fairly certain he would recognize anyone who should be taking Jason anywhere. Which means this woman shouldn't be. So Tim decides he's going to take Jason home to his dad. That should fix Batman.

Having decided that, Tim tucks his skateboard under his arm and walks toward Jason. He passes through the bubble like it isn't even there, and comes to a stop mere inches from the boy who would soon be his brother. (Bruce Wayne, elsewhere, gets an itch that would, were he in a better state of mind, have him starting to prepare the adoption papers.)

Despite not having been thrown into a Lazarus Pit, Jason is still taller than Tim, though by less here than he would be in other universes. So Tim is looking up at him. Jason's eyes drift to somewhere just over Tim's shoulder, but when Tim looks behind him, there's nothing there, so he figures that's just Jason acknowledging his presence as best he can at the moment.

"Hi, Jason. I can take you to your dad, if you want. Bruce?"

(Tim's planning to take him to Bruce whether or not he wants to go. It might be a little harder if Jason objects, but Tim has calculated, and it is the best plan for everyone. Still, it is polite to ask.)

At Bruce's name, Jason makes a soft humming noise and his eyes drift to Tim's forehead. Tim decides that's a yes.

Tim hooks the arm that's not carrying the skateboard through Jason's arm, and turns in the direction of Wayne Manor. (Talia, furious now, starts after them, but Gotham locks her into a bubble now, and moves it until it's outside the city limits. She can try all she wants, but Gotham is not going to let her back in.)

Probably, the citizens watching should stop the preteen? young teen? from wandering off with the older boy. Anywhere else in the world, someone would have tried. But this is Gotham. And these are Gothamites.

It was obvious to everyone that this was Gotham's doing. They had all gotten a sense for Her, one that Outsiders really didn't understand and Gothamites couldn't explain, but understood perfectly. This whole incident was clearly Her doing, and if She let that boy into the bubble, then She was perfectly happy to let him take the older one.

And none of them were going to argue with Gotham. To them, to every Gothamite, She was the highest authority. Over the law, over parents, over those pesky little things called morals. (Those who believed in a god would be hard-pressed to decide who they would obey if it came down to a decision between God and Gotham. It went against most of their religions to put anything above their god, but they were Gothamites.)

In any case, Gotham had let the boys through, and they weren't going to argue.

In fact, Tim was not the only one who could have gotten through. The criteria to get through the bubble were, in this case, that you had to be one of Her favorite children and you had to mean Jason no harm. So Steph could also have gotten through, though she had not yet put on a cape and wouldn't have tried. Dick could also have, or Bruce, or Alfred, or Barbara, but none of them were there and Gotham thought it would probably go smoothest with Tim being the one to find Jason.

(Some of the Rogues probably also could have. Not the Joker or Bane, but if the Riddler or Harley or Ivy were having one of their less murderous days, they could have done it. They probably would even have returned him to Bruce.)

But right now, Tim is leading Jason toward home (Jason's home, and soon Tim's too) and the Gothamites watch them go. Talia rages outside the city and Bruce and Alfred sit at the manor, unknowing that everything is about to change. Dick and Barbara still go about their usual lives, a light haze of grief about them that will soon explode into so many more infinitely complicated emotions.

Here we leave them, but Gotham doesn't, and She never will. She is happy to have them together, though, and will work on getting the rest of them gathered. But she's prevented one from being stolen, and that's a day well spent.

[shamelessexplosions]

What I've learnt about the Batfamily from Tumblr

I know nothing about Batman - I have never read a comic, I have never watched a Batman series or cartoon or movie with him in it (except from that one scene at the end of wonder woman). This is what I have learnt about the members of the Batfamily entirely from tumblr and other social media.

1. Bruce Wayne

Bruce Wayne is Batman, and his superpower is being richer than God.

He lives in a mansion in Gotham, which is basically a city entirely made up of psychos

He cannot stop adopting children

Like I'm pretty sure he sees a child on their own with a vaguely traumatic backstory and has to adopt them.

Probably carries adoption papers in his utility belt for that very purpose

I'm not entirely sure how many children he has but that's okay because I don't think he knows either.

When he's in the mask his voice is really deep and he keeps saying "I'm Batman"

When he's not he acts like a complete idiot but probably tips a waitress by paying for their collage tuition

His parents are dead and this is very important - in a world of orphans, he is THE orphan

2. Dick Grayson

Bruce Wayne's oldest adopted son

He was in the circus as an acrobat until his parents died in front of him

I think they were murdered

He was the original Robin

Then he got bored or something and moved to somewhere called bludhaven which honestly sounds Norwegian, and renamed himself Nightwing.

Has extreme big brother energy

3. Jason Todd

Robin #2 because apparently there's a second one

I think he met Bruce after stealing the tires off Batman's car (the batmobile?) and then hitting him with a tire iron which is such a power move, especially for some random kid

He died but it's ok because he fell in a pit and got better

He renamed himself red hood and became a mass murderer for a bit

I think it was just a phase?

He was trained in the way of murder by someone called Talia. He either slept with her or was adopted by her.

I hope it's the second one because I know Bruce slept with her

Likes guns

4. Tim Drake

I think he stalked batman until he found out he was Bruce Wayne

In other words this random kid did what no megalomaniac with a grudge against the furry that routinely beats them up could

But then I think he was Bruce's neighbour pre-adoption so maybe he just noticed batman flying out from under the mansion each night, which says something problematic about his secret identity

He became robin too like how many robins does one city need?

Jason refers to him as 'replacement' which seems cold given 1. He himself was a replacement and 2. tim got replaced as well

I think he's Red Robin now, so clearly not too interested in change.

5. Damien Wayne

Bruce's biological son with the aforementioned assassin/murder trainer Talia.

Was in something called the League of Assassins but left to find his father, which given the name is the League of Assassins sounds like a smart life choice

Talia may have sent Damien to Bruce so she didn't have to deal with a teenager, but it also sounds like he left after an argument with his grandfather and League head-honcho Ra's so not sure whats going on there

Also Robin but I think at this point someone is taking the piss - possibly Batman

Feral Child(tm)

Likes swords

6. Cassandra (Cassie/Cass) Cain?

Maybe her surname is cain? Or maybe it's not?

I'm really confused because I'm pretty sure there is both a Cass and a Cassie in the Child-soldier Justice League and I think one of them is a bat-family member and one of them has something to do with Wonder Woman and they may or may not be the same person

Was an assassin involved in the same organisation as Jason and Damien

Is this where Bruce Wayne is finding his kids?

Was a Robin too (yay for feminism, boo for originality? Get some other names for your feral murder children Bruce)

Now called Spoiler and likes purple

May have at one point been batgirl?

7. Duke ???

Honestly I have no idea, I've just seen his name a couple of times

He was probably Robin at some point - they all appear to have been Robin at some point

I think he likes the colour yellow

8. Stephanie Brown

Another person that I have only vaguely seen the name of

She might have dated one of the batkids, Tim maybe?

May or may not be a batkid herself

May be batgirl, or maybe that was Cassandra, or maybe both. There have been so many robins nothing would surprise me

9. Barbara (Babs) Gordon

Daughter of a police commissioner

hacker

Her father may or may not be aware of her extracurriculars, but Commissioner Gordon has a massive flashlight for summoning batman when he needs help with a case so I don't think he has any room to talk

Goes by Oracle

Not a proper batkid but I doubt that stops her being on the family Christmas card

May have at one point been a Batgirl?

But at this point I'm just guessing everyone was batgirl

Maybe Duke was batgirl!

May use a wheelchair but I'm not certain

10. Alfred Pennyworth

Indeterminate age, may be immortal

Bruce's bulter

Raised Bruce Wayne, but still calls him 'Master Bruce'

Also refers to the batkids as 'master xx'

May or may not be sarcasm

English, ex-army and all-round exceedingly polite badass

Correction, he's English, I can say with confidence it is sarcasm

That is all the people I can think of, sorry if I missed anyone

[caffeinatedvigilantewriter]

Ok this one is a little far fetched and might get me some angry comments and reblogs, but I wrote this for me, not for you, so if you don’t like it you can scroll.

Warning, Bruce x Dani

Bruce is 19, and just left to do his world tour thingy when he meets Dani.

Dani (19) is in a bad place. The Fenton parents are dead. Jazz is dead, Danny is healing in the ghost zone, Sam is missing, Tucker is in a semi permanent coma and Dan is deaged to a year old and the GIW is still legal.

Dani and Bruce were created from a life of tragedy.

So when Dani and Bruce meet, they click instantly.

They had a whirlwind romance that lasted up until they were both 21 and dan is 3.

Eventually though, Bruce know he will have to leave, and Dani know he cannot stay.

He invites her to Gotham, by she refuses. the AEA make it hard to live in the US. Plus the GIW is still hunting her and Dan

So Bruce returns alone.

Keep in mind, he just started being Batman, he doesn’t have the connections within the Government as Batman, and it would be suspicious for Brucie to suddenly pressure the government ink removing a set of acts that ‘protects’ America citizens. And because within the next 15 years or so, he adopts a family, so he kinda forgot about the acts

But one day, while all the kids are on a siblings trip and Alfred is on holiday, there’s a knock at Wayne Manor.

It’s 15 year old Dan, looking beat to hell, and without his mother.

The GIW had finally caught up with Phantasm and his ghost son. But Dani stashed Dan away to protect him, and they took Dani instead of them both. Dani always told him that if he needed help and she wasn’t there, to go to Bruce Wayne’s house in Gotham City.

(Yes I am aware that the age math isn’t matching, but because Dan was deaged and didn’t grow up in a place with ectoplasma in the air, he didn’t age and developed qright. He’ll age better now that he’s in Gotham tho)

So when Bruce’s kids and Alfred arrive a week later he sits them down and says.

Bruce: I have someone I want to introduce to you

Jason: oh hell- it’s another kid, isn’t it??

Tim: Doesn’t he have black hair and blue eyes??

Cass: does he have trauma??

Dick: why couldnt you stop with Duke!

Bruce: hey, if anything, he’s my first kid! I had him before you! (You cannot convince me that after raising Dan for two years, he didn’t see himself as Dan’s dad)

Everyone:

Duke: say what now?

Dan: sup

Dan: and yes, I do have trauma

Bruce: Dan will be living with us until I find his mother

Damian: who is his mother?

Bruce: my ex

Everyone:

Steph: oh god you have another blood son

Bruce: no me and Dan aren’t related by blood. Anyway, my ex got herself kidnapped by a government organization that declared her and Dan none sentient.

Everyone:

Barbara: oh god he does have trauma

[littlefankingdom]

Okay, I keep seeing this post and it had, like, 900 notes last time, so I need to respond.

Yes, Steph and Barbara are part of the batfam.

This fandom seems to not fucking understand what a found family is. A found family doesn't follow the traditional family's dynamic. People aren't blood related or legally related. Have y'all never seen a friend group in a media being referred as a found family?! That doesn't mean they are siblings, or that some of them are the parents, or that they cannot date. It just means that they are close like a family should, that they can depend on each other always and forever like a family should. Whatever happens, they are a family.

Found family is LITERALLY one of th theme of Batman. The batfam has ALWAYS been a found family. All these people who lost their blood family and found each other to fight for justice. Bruce lost his family when he was a kid, he is building a new one from the ground, and a family isn't just his children. Bruce and Alfred are not blood related, and Alfred is barely referred to as Bruce's father-figure in anything Batman related. However, he was always seen as Bruce's family. Bruce also sees some members of the Justice League as his family (Clark, for example). Lucius and Leslie have also always been his family, and Lucius is not his father at all, the man has another family, a traditional one, but he is still in the batfam. Dick spend DECADES not being adopted, but he still considered Bruce and Alfred his family. Dick also sees the Titans as his family, that doesn't make his teammates his siblings or stops him from dating them. Tim, even tho he is not Bruce's son and has a family, is referred by Dick as "his brother". Dick and Tim literally DID NOT want to be adopted by Bruce, but the man and his butler were still family for them, even when they did NOT want Bruce as their father. Cass and Bruce go through all Batgirl (2000) having a father-daughter coded relationship, and Cass and Barbara have a mother-daughter coded relationship, and her biological parents are there sometimes, and she isn't Bruce's daughter yet. Cass is both Bruce and Barbara's daughter. Barbara has always been seen as a part of the batfam since she first appeared, before a lot of us were even born, and it's not because she is Bruce's daughter or dating Dick, it's because the bats are a family that don't give a shit about traditional family's dynamic. Damian is the only one who actually call Bruce "Father", most of the time the others don't. Dick has lived 20 years with Bruce in his life, as his father-figure, and he never calls him "Dad". Some comics don't even referred to anyone than Damian as Bruce's kid. Some comics like to remind everyone that Bruce is Dick and Tim's father, but most of them do not. Most of the time, they are just a bunch of young people and teens living on his property and eating his food. And even through all of this, they were a family. It's not about blood, it's not about adoption and some papers, it's not about Bruce being your father, it's about trust.

The Wayne family and the Batfam are two different things. Huntress, Helena Bertinelli, is in the batfam. Azrael, Jean-Paul Valley, is in the batfam sometimes (in Batman: Detective Comics 2016, he is). Harley Quinn is also in the batfam sometimes (in Injustice). Lucius Fox and Luke are in the batfam. Harper and Collen Row are in the batfam, but Bruce kind of sees them as his children (in Batman and Robin Eternal at least).

People aren't a part of the batfam because they are Bruce's children, but because they choose each others, again and again, through the highs and the lows. It's about fighting Bruce, taking his shit, and still helping his ass.

And while we are it, batkids doesn’t mean "Bruce's children", it means "the kids around the big Bat, helping in the Bat's mission, that are the Bat's responsibility". YES, Barbara is a batkid, and it doesn't make Bruce her father or a father-figure. She was a kid and batgirl, so she is a batkid.

[ghost-bxrd]

PROMPT

Jason - in any AU - after the League brainwashing, is in full Red Hood mode and about to storm Gotham to put his plan into motion.

Only, due to some shenanigan or the other, a dimension shift happens, and Jason finds himself in an alternate timeline - one where Bruce did kill the Joker.

In that timeline, Jason's death convinces Bruce and Dick to ditch the no-kill rule. They basically adopt Red Hood's ideology - if you are a killer, you don't deserve to live. Let the punishment fit the crime.

After all, Joker isn't all that special when you come to it. There are plenty of Rogues with a similar kill count. So once they have killed him, why hold back on the others?

Commissioner Gordon can no longer afford to turn a blind eye to the vigilantes. Not now that they have started to kill. The Bats lose their ability to coordinate with the GCPD.

Batman burned down Arkham. He allowed the staff to get out, and stopped anyone from going in to rescue people.

Poison Ivy tried to go in there to save Harley who was within. Batman let her go in, but blocked the exits after. Anyone who was out of Arkham at the time is killed brutally.

Nightwing is shot dead by GCPD.

The shots are fired by corrupt cops, but the 'bring the bats in by all means' order was issued by Gordon. Bruce loses what little restraint he had, kills the officers responsible, and anyone who tried to keep him from them.

Catwoman doesn't kill, so Batman doesn't kill her. But she is still a criminal and cannot be allowed to continue. He cripples her.

Rogues no longer surrender or hold back. They all know they are doomed, so no more holding back. Civilian casualties exponentially increase as the battles become deadlier. Cops are shooting at Rogues, Bats, and civilians who are at the wrong place, wrong time.

Gotham is a war zone. New Rogues keep popping up. Mostly people who have lost loved ones or livelihoods in the Bat rampage, and now have nothing left to lose.

When Damian arrives, Bruce finds in the young assassin a suitable Robin.

The image of superheroes in general take a plunge. One group has already started to kill, people say. What is to stop Superman or Wonder Woman from doing the same next?

JLA tries to stop Batman, but is hit by brutal contingency plans. That also causes major collateral damage. People are starting to agree with Luthor - superheroes are too dangerous. They should no longer be allowed to take the law into their hands. Anti-Meta legislations and protests begin.

It is in this point that Red Hood enters. Jason is horrified by what is happening, by the realization the no-kill rule exists for a reason.

He ends up joining the Resistance in Gotham - led by Tim, Stephanie, Duke - against Batman. He is struggling against his own mental issues, and trying to talk Bruce down, though it is too late for that.

Basically a role reversal of the UtRH argument. Jason has to think up reasons to talk Batman down, finds himself picking holes in his own ideology.

It is after that experience where Jason actually returns to the Canon (for me Wayne Family Adventures is my canon, please let Bruce be a good dad) Timeline...

Geez that’s… that’s dark. I‘m pretty sure I saw a fic onxe that had a similar premise.

But at least Jason probably goes straight home once he‘s back in his canon universe

[ggomos-maribat]

10 | in which Marinette Dupain-Cheng submits her resignation

Part 10 (Last Chapter) of No Mr. Wayne You Can't Adopt Me! | Masterlist

Marinette ticked off her mental checklist. Lights? Here. Stage? Ready. Food? All served. She clenched her jaw. Bruce Wayne, her boss, the single most important person for the night?

Missing in action.

She tapped her heeled foot on the ground. It was twenty minutes already, but the entire night's schedule was officially in disarray. Sooner or later, the guests would be asking. She had relentlessly called Bruce's phone over and over again that she didn't even know how many times it was. Even Damian she called a few times yet there was no answer.

She had a guess on what the reason was, but she expected more sense from Bruce—even if it was late at night, he would not be out there fighting crime.

Soon, she waved the figurative white flag and called Alfred after sneaking off somewhere quieter.

"Where is he?" she asked. Straightforward and simple.

"I'm sorry, Miss Marinette. I understand Master Bruce has an event today but . . ." Alfred trailed off. "He is currently unavailable at the moment."

"No, Alfred. Where exactly is he?"

A long pause followed. Then the elderly man spoke again. "I'm afraid he's caught up in a situation. They went out for patrol and seemed to have underestimated their targets. They are currently in a warehouse right now."

"What?" Marinette rubbed her head. Bruce, just. . . how?! "They, as in, all of them?!"

"Yes, Miss Marinette."

"Can no one get them right now?! The event was supposed to start ages ago!"

"Master Duke, Miss Cassandra and Miss Stephanie are all out of town unfortunately." Alfred sighed. "Actually, may I trouble you to rescue them? It will be faster than calling for backup from the Justice League."

Marinette bit her lip. Kwamis. How could all of them get captured?! What's stopping me from walking out from my job right now, huh, Bruce? I could leave you to your kidnappers all night long.

"I apologize, Miss Marinette, but they cannot seem to get out themselves. I will personally make sure Master Bruce gives you a bonus within the week—"

"Okay, send me the coordinates."

Marinette changed into a dark vigilante-type outfit as fast as she could. Alfred sent an auto-driven ride to her location and she floored the pedal all the way to the warehouse. Relax, Marinette, she told herself, you asked Tam to stall the guests. If we finish this in fifteen minutes and Bruce gives some sort of half-assed excuse to the attendees, it'll be fiiiine.

She pulled down her mask when she arrived at the warehouse. Going into it, she exercised a little bit of caution. But later on, she realized that taking down the men was a piece of cake and maybe the boys just got a little but unlucky.

She slammed the doors open to one room and saw the vigilantes all tied up.

"MMmmf mmff mmm?" Batman asked, but his mouth was duct-taped.

"That's not important right now." Before Marinette cut off their binds, she threw them one by one into the car: Batman at the passenger seat and Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin at the back.

"Who . . .?" Batman started again. The rest seemed speechless with shock (except Damian perhaps, who likely already figured her out).

"How, just how?" Marinette slammed the driver's side door loudly and twisted the ignition with her pent-up rage. "How did all of you get caught up in that?! Did you decide to play along with your kidnappers?!"

". . . Marinette?"

She huffed and drove, calculating the shortest possible route to the event venue. "Did you forget what was tonight, huh? Couldn't resist getting into your fursuit before a big launching event at WE?"

"But . . .but—"

"You literally have no excuse!" Marinette expertly swerved around cars, even nearly running a red light.

Batman reached for the car radio, which was playing a news update covering the WE event but she slapped his hand away.

"I thought I could make it in time," he helplessly explained, pulling his cowl down. "How did you know?"

"No, in case you didn't know, you're not making it in time." She instantly honked the car when another vehicle cut in in front of them. "Don't mess with me tonight, fucker!" She cried out the half-open window.

She swore she saw the boys at the back visibly gulp.

Marinette exhaled a steady breath. "Look, we'll talk about this some other time, but for now, you will go into that event, be a good CEO, and get treatment for your bruises the minute you get home, comprendre?"

"Com—comprendre . . ." Bruce repeated.

Marinette halted at the back of the venue, pulled out a formal outfit from a compartment and threw it at Bruce. Thankfully, he seemed to get the hint and bolted out of the car without complaints.

Marinette directed a glare at the boys through the rearview mirror. "Damian, switch with me. Jason, don't move and keep pressing on that wound. I'll give you first aid but we have to take you to Alfred to get that checked out."

"You got stabbed?!" Tim exclaimed.

"Um yeah." Jason sucked in a breath as Marinette hopped into the back and Damian took the wheel.

"Why didn't you tell us?!"

"You'll make a big fuss out of it." Jason rolled his eyes. "It's no big deal."

Marinette flicked his forehead while Tim helped get Jason's clothes out of the way. "It is a big deal; it looks pretty serious."

"I've had worse." Jason made a face as she treated his wound.

"Okay just because you died once already it doesn't mean you can get overconfident," Marinette sassed.

Tim stared at her with wide eyes. "How the hell did you know that?"

"I know everything." She finished off by wrapping the bandages around Jason's torso. "Sorry Dames, can you drive faster?"

With a nod, Damian sped up, replicating the rush from earlier. Jason also had his jaw hanging. "Demon spawn listens to her."

***

"How long have you known?"

They finally had the chance to sit down and talk the following day in the office. Marinette had her hands calmly folded on top of her lap, while Bruce was looking at her intently on the seat across.

"Ever since I started working for you."

Bruce blinked a few times, as if getting his identity discovered easily was news to him. Marinette continued, "You're not exactly sneaky about it, you know. It was very obvious. Who do you think was covering up for you?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Bruce asked.

She sighed. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to help you from the sidelines like Alfred does and I thought you'd fire me if you knew that I knew."

By the look on his face, he was probably doing a quick flashback to all the times she messed with him as Batman. Bruce opened his mouth for a reply but she interrupted him. "And before you start suspecting me of doing anything bad, I want to let you know that you can trust me with your secret. If I had any ill intent, I would've acted on it a long time ago."

"It's—it's not that I don't trust you . . . it's—well, what made you break last night?"

Her gaze was glued to the floor. "I called Alfred and he told me where you were. I just . . . uhm, aside from the money he offered, I was really upset. The company prepared so much for the event and I put so much time making sure it was perfect. Then you don't show up."

When she looked up, the sting of guilt was evident in Bruce's eyes.

"I'm not faulting you for trying to fight crime," she added. "I just thought you'd be more responsible with your priorities."

"I'm sorry, Marinette," he said softly. "I didn't mean to disappoint you like that."

"Are you mad at me? For not telling you?"

"Mad—? I . . . I'm just surprised, really. But I should've known better. You helped us escape last night and you treated Jason's injury. I shouldn't be angry for that."

Marinette nodded slowly, satisfied with the apology. "I appreciate what you're doing for Gotham, so I'll make sure to keep you and your family's identities safe." She pulled out an envelope. "On a completely unrelated note, I think it's time I give you this."

Suffice to say, Bruce looked like he went through a storm of emotions whilst reading the piece of paper. "Your resignation letter?" He set it down. "If this is because of last night—"

"Nope, it's not because of last night." She smiled. "I just think it's time for me to look for a different career path. I do love my job right now, but I don't see myself as a PA forever."

Bruce's shoulders sagged. "Where will you go?"

"Hmm, recently Queen Industries sent me a good offer—"

"How much did Ollie offer you?" He sprung from his seat. "I'll pay ten times that!"

"Mr. Wayne," she motioned for him to sit back down. "I really do want to explore other options. I think I can get more experience with another company."

"But you'll need to leave Gotham."

She shook her head. "Mr. Queen allowed me to work remotely from Gotham. I'll be a consultant of sorts for their fashion department."

"But . . . but . . ."

"I'll be leaving in about a week. Don't worry, I'll make sure everything's in order for your next PA."

He's really sulking, Marinette observed. I feel a little bad . . .

"Any chance I can still adopt you?"

"Mr. Wayne."

"Fine." He raked a hand through his hair. "Then, will you at least join our family brunch this weekend? As a last 'thank you' to you."

Marinette thought for a moment, remembering a similar invitation from Alfred that Damian relayed earlier. "Sure, I'd love to go."

***

"Are you sure about this?"

Marinette checked her reflection on her phone. They arrived pretty early, but that meant she could help Alfred out for the food prep. Damian parked the car right in front of the manor. "Why? I already submitted my resignation."

"You were forced to quit your job because of me."

"I chose to resign not only because of you, but also because I did want to take Oliver's offer." She reached over to squeeze his hand. "If I stay as your father's assistant, there will always be a professional boundary I can't cross regardless of what's in the contract. You'll always be my boss' son, and I’ll just be your father's assistant. Without that now, I can actually act freely around you. I can even help with vigilante stuff if you need me."

He squeezed back. "Are you not worried about what people will say?"

The headlines flickered in Marinette's head: Bruce Wayne's former PA nabs the billionaire's son.

"Are you?"

"No. I couldn't care less."

"Then I'm not." She beamed. "I've already seen how harsh the media can be. If all goes to shit, we sue the hell out of them."

"Father will be devastated when he finds out."

She shrugged. "He should've seen this coming, honestly."

"Hmm."

"Why?"

"When I marry you, he will have the satisfaction of having you as his daughter however."

"M—marry?" Marinette squeaked. "You're already thinking about marriage?"

"Is that bad?"

"No . . . wait, sorry I was just caught off guard." Her chest fluttered at the thought of their future. "Of course Damian, I'd love to marry you someday."

A small smile played at Damian's lips, the subtle kind that she loved so much. "Now that you're not bound by contract, does that mean I can kiss you anytime I want?"

Marinette answered him with her lips, softly kissing him as his hand lifted to hold her cheek. They parted for a second before he started peppering kisses on the corner of her lips, on her nose and her forehead. She pressed a long kiss on his cheek in return.

"It looks like we won't need to break the news to Father anymore."

"What?"

When Marinette turned around, Bruce was just at the front steps of the manor, disheveled and clad in pajamas and an old bathrobe, plus Robin-themed fuzzy slippers. At his feet laid pieces of a shattered mug, which he had seemingly dropped out of shock.

Marinette laughed. "Oops."

She pressed the button to roll her window down and waved at the dumbstruck Bruce Wayne. "Morning, Bruce! Cute slippers!" 

End AN: That wraps up NMWYCAM! Thank you for reading, commenting and kudos-ing this fic; I didn't expect it to blow up this much😮 If you want to know about my next upcoming fic, check out this poll of mine in Tumblr🙂

[yeetus-feetus]

just want to let you all know Cassandra isn't the good child. If you think any of those children are well behaved you're wrong.

"Cass is the perfect child-" *loud incorrect buzzer sound*

You're wrong!

None of them are the perfect child. They're all fuckin Gremlins don't let them fool you! Sure, Cass is good acting normal at galas, but so are all the other children- except maybe Stephanie, but she's not even technically adopted so does that really count?

The most well behaved kid varies depending on the time of day and the alignment of the stars, and how much sugar they've each consumed, or who's been recently screwed over by a villain or someone they considered a close friend.

Duke was the best child two minutes ago before he decided hiding Tim's energy drinks was a good idea. Now Damian is the best child, he's quietly playing online chess. He won't be for long but I bet he'll probably hold it a little longer than Tim did when he had it. Jason might be next to be best kid, but he'll have to beat Dick to it. Dick is currently doing cartwheels inside so maybe not.

And if you're wondering where Steph and Cass are? They teamed up to glitter bomb Tim yesterday after patrol. There is still glitter in the Batcave today and I don't think the girls will ever be able to get rid of it all. They'll be finding glitter still two years later. Alfred is regretting his life decisions.

And now you're probably wondering; where's Barbara? What about Babs?

First of all, not Batman's circus not his monkey's. That's not his kid. And if you think for a second she follows Bmans orders anymore than the rest of the bat-shit crazy bunch, you'd be wrong again. Like hell is she listening to that old man if it's nothing important, she's gonna do her own thing like she has since the beginning. You think he just let her become Batgirl when she first started out? No! that was a pure act of rebellion.

Jason is still the only one to hold the best kid title for over 4months, he and Dick were constantly competing- until Jason fucking died. And now he has to compete with several other losers, and it's not even to be the best kid anymore- now they're competing over who can have the shortest time of best kid. They've discovered it's hilarious to get on bat-wayne bruce-man's nerves, and they're not slowing down on the chaos anytime soon! The chaos is part of them, coursing through their veins, they cannot be stopped!

(que probably Tim's maniacal laughter)

[hurricanebreeze]

Batfamily Cooking Headcanons

I was thinkin about it, so have some Batfamily cooking headcanons. They are as detailed as I could get them and in age order. I also included Steph and Barbara, even though they aren't in the main seven.

Alfred - The family cook and the best cook in the family. He distrusts American processed foods because he knows that many of the more chemical ingedients have been banned in Europe, but he deals (and gets as much food imported from Europe as is practical).

Bruce - Has a very mismatched set of cooking skills. He can sort of cook... on a camping stove or a campfire. He can cook beans and boil water. However, he cannot use an oven, nor a microwave, and his knowledge of spice or baking is nonexistant.

Barbara - Can cook. She knows the basics as she learned growing up, so she didn't have to buy takeout every time her dad was working late. Her dad would've been fine with the takeout, however as she became Batgirl, she became very aware of the nutrition needed for vigilante and decided to learn instead. Admittedly, she fell into using microwaves a bit more as Oracle, especially before her flat was adapted, but once her kitchen was adapted, she was relieved to go back to cooking properly as she hadn't realised how much cooking was a hobby for her until it was blocked by inaccessibility.

Dick - Can cook. He has the basics down, as Alfred forced him to learn how to boil an egg and put something in the oven, and a few learned recipes, some learned from his early childhood. He takes comfort in cooking for other people, especially when it's a recipe he learned because he grew up with it. However, if he's on his own and doesn't have anyone to cook for, he is not cooking. He'd rather have something microwaved or some cereal, and he is the king of nutriotionally balanced cereal.

Jason - Second best cook in the family. He spent a lot of time in the kitchen with Alfred between being adopted and dying and most of that time was learning how to cook creatively. Even if he can't be bothered to cook, there are probably leftovers in his fridge. He had some skills before then from having to cook for his mom, but when he started learning from Alfred he was pleasantly surprised to find he enjoyed the process, so it became more of a hobby than a survival skill.

Cass - Queen of snacks. She can cook, don't get me wrong, because Alfred taught her, but she much prefers snacking throughout the day. She often learns new recipes for more variety in her snacking, because sometimes it's nice to have an onigiri instead of a sandwich or put together a really nice charcuterie board with homemade butter. Her snackboards are usually also great for her to eat while training or dancing because it isn't too much and can sometimes remind her she's human, not a weapon, when she gets in her head.

Steph - Can cook. She knows how to make a healthy and cheap balanced meal, but the most she goes beyond is for sweet treats. For her cooking was a survival skill, especially after her dad was finally in jail. Baking and desserts, on the other hand, she enjoys making. She often bakes for friends, family, and herself, and sometimes learns new recipes to try with Cass. While she was pregnant, especially in the late term, baking simple things like cupcakes was one of the hobbies she still felt like she had the energy to do and helped take her mind off of it, even though she had to sit while stirring.

Tim - Can cook. He knows how to make a healthy balanced meal, he lived alone long enough as a teen to know. However, he cannot go beyond that. Alfred tried to teach him a couple of times in the early days of Robin, but it simply didn't go in and after a few too many faraway looks after he burned something he decided that maybe it was time to stop trying. He, canonically, has the worst taste of the family though, so no one asks him to cook anyway.

Duke - Can cook. His parents taught him basic cooking skills and he enjoys going beyond and playing with spices. He's a bit nervous of joining Alfred in the kitchen as first, but eventually he learns that most of the others have found similar solace in spending time cooking with him, so he starts to join too. He also happens to have a cookbook his parents had stashed in their kitchen, even if they didn't use it while they were still at home, so he sometimes spends time learning the recipes from that.

Damian - Has a very mismatched set of cooking skills. Similarly to his dad, Damian learned a very strange set of cooking skills. He cannot use an oven or a microwave but he can appreciate Alfred's kettle for its practicality in a tea-centric household. He can, however, make a relatively simple meal on a camping stove, beyond what Bruce can make on a camping stove. He does occasionally allow Alfred or one of the other cooking-competant family members to teach him a skill every now and then though.

[toomanyfandoms11]

Background on the Tim hiring Deathstroke thing in this https://www.tumblr.com/toomanyfandoms11/749474013724721152/toomanyfandoms

In my little universe that I like to maladaptive daydream in basically, Janet Drake, Slade Wilson, and Wade Wilson are all siblings.

Janet is the oldest child, and thefore according to family tradition the only child that cannot legally be linked to any crime (plz ask me about the Drake family lore. Also, Jack was the one killed by Captain Boomerang ).

Slade and Wade are twins, (their father had a sense of humor and their mother was too out of it to complain.) and bear the title of murder uncles.

Getting to the Joker bit: when Jason was being killed by the Joker, Tim was on a “family holiday”(training trip) to upstate New York (X-Mansion, most of the X-Men were too afraid to ask about the 10 year old that followed Deadpool around except for Wolverine, who taught him how to skin a moose, and Madelyne Pryor for some reason) and as a result did not learn about his death until about a month or so after it happened.

When Tim learned about his death he decided to wait a bit for Batman to settle down, thinking that he just needed to get the anger stage of grief out of the way and then he would go to therapy like a normal person. Tim was the sort of kid that would read the picture books about getting over grief when he was waiting in the doctors office.

Unfortunately, there were no picture books about superhero phycology. After about few months, Batman showing no signs of stopping and expressing his grief like a normal person, Nightwing finding out about Jason’s death through a newspaper tabloid and the two of them having an argument on top of the Gcpd station that was live-streamed by anyone with a phone and became headline news for a week, Tim decided to take matters into his own hands and hire his current favorite uncle (Wade had recently given him a pair of socks as a gift instead of the forensics book he wanted) and ask him politely (blackmail him with the time Slade had given him coffee while babysitting) to kill the Joker, “Pretty please Uncle Slade? I’ll make you cookies!”

Slade accepted this offer and went (with no small amount of glee/relief) to finally put a bullet through that waste of carbon’s skull. But, alas, Paul Verlaine (King of Assassins, Executive in the Port Mafia, Ex-Titans member and former boyfriend of Nightwing) got there first. After this, Tim’s story goes the route you would expect (with a twist~). After one too many times of Batman putting criminals in the ICU instead of talking to a therapist, Tim decides enough is enough and goes to Nightwings apartment in Bludhaven to ask him to arrange an intervention for Batman with the Justice League, or he will release Batman and Nightwings identity’s to the public.

Dick Grayson, after hearing this, dose not go “This seems like Bruce’s problem” and drop him off at the Batcave. He instead goes “who’s sassy lost child is this”, has the Bat-adoption gene arise for the first time, and decides that he will adopt this child who ran around Gotham alone stalking Batman and Robin, or die trying.

Janet, after talking with the man who drove her child back from Bludhaven at 4:30 am, is slightly leaning towards the second option, but she knows that A. Jack is a terrible father, and while she tries her best, she is also not winning mom of the year anytime soon and B. Shared custody is a thing.

And so, after 3 sword fights (one for each Drake-Wilson sibling), 5 panicked calls to Alfred about “Holy frick I’m turning into Bruce”, many late nights studying “how do I parent a 10 year old”, 1 realization of “holy **** I really do want to be a parent”, and a very well paid lawyer ( Matt Murdock), Dick Grayson becomes the legal parent of a one Timothy Drake, with the media explanation (that is true, but deleteing the superhero parts) being that Janet and Jack realized that they could not be the parents the Tim deserved to have, and that Dick Grayson could. (They got alternating weekends and cultural holidays (Jack is Chinese).

After a month or so, Dick takes Tim to meet Bruce (Dick did the intervention thing, it took the combined forces of Superman, Wonder Woman, Black Canary, Alfred, and Catwoman to get him to go to therapy.) and in the meeting Tim cheerfully reveals that A. He had figured out Batman and Robins secret identities when he was 9 (He went to a gala that the Wayne’s were at, and Dick did a quadruple somersault off of a chandelier that Tim remembered Nightwing doing) and B. He once hacked into Shield on accident when he was looking for a website that had a show he liked on it

[haveihitanerve]

Had an idea but I forgor it so here's a different one

Bruce Wayne, concussed and on several strong painkillers, socializing with socialites from outside Gotham. They ask him about his kids and joke about how they all look so similar to him.

His brain, moving at about 3mph, does not register that his kids were ADOPTED (safe for one) and answers their questions as if he gave birth to them, forgetting he also doesn't have the facilities for that (unless you want him to- we love old trans people)

"Master Bruce I really must insist-" Alfred tried for the fourth time in seven minutes, Bruce had counted, reaching to push him back to bed and pull off the suit jacket he had only moments before helped Bruce put on.

"'M going Alf." Bruce grumbled back, rubbing a bleary hand over his eyes. "There's no use in putting it off. Don't have a good excuse and.." He grimaced. "They need to see me. It's been a while."

Alfred opened his mouth to protest again, even going so far as to move in front of the door to block his exit. "You are on far too many medications Mr. Wayne, not to mention a concussion! You simply cannot."

Bruce's lips twitched it amusement. It was a rare day when Alfred's composure was rattled to the point of calling him Mr. Wayne, and while Alfred was admittedly very strong, there was no way his physical blockation of Bruce's path would actually stop him.

"Alf." Bruce began gently, and the butler scoffed, rolling his eyes as he moved out of the way, striding down the long hallway. "Well. I see my advice isn't heeded. As always."

Bruce threw him an apologetic smile, heading for the main door. "Love ya Alfie!!" The butler snorted, but Bruce could tell he was softening.

"Call if you need boy." Alfred murmured. Bruce grinned, offering a wink as he pulled the door open. "I will." He promised, sliding into the backseat of his limousine, heading to the Gala.

He hissed as the needle broke his skin, biting his lip to prevent any further sounds as the anti-biotic worked its way into his system. Alfred would most definitely have protested its use, especially as Bruce tossed back a handful of other added painkillers, but if he was being honest, he needed them to get through the night.

"Thanks Hank. Tell your wife I said hi and grab her a bouquet on your way home. On me." He patted his driver's shoulder as he climbed out. Hank grinned, tipping his black cap.

"You always make me seem like such a good husband Mr. Wayne, I appreciate it. Have a good night." Bruce grinned back, stumbling slightly as he moved towards the doors, using the car to stabilize himself.

"You give me too much credit, send your boys some love and you have tomorrow off, try to actually use that baseball glove I gifted you." Hank chortled, setting the car into drive. "Will do sir. Good night." Bruce nodded the same back, watching until the car pulled away fully to stumble up the steps.

"Maybe those pills weren't such a good idea." He mumbled to himself as he made it to the doors, pulling them open to walk inside, heading straight for the table laid out with food. Of course, one couldn't enter a Gala without greeting the hosts, and he barely made it two steps before he was intercepted.

"Mrs. and Mr. Ketch. How lovely to see you." Bruce offered a bow, bending too low before rocking back upwards. Mrs. Ketch was smiling at him, a lovely, true smile that Bruce noticed tended to happen whenever he greeted the woman first instead of the man. Mr. Ketch was frowning, but more at Bruce's bizarre drunken act than any offense towards being placed after his wife.

"Are you alright, Wayne?" He asked, and Bruce hated that he actually liked the Ketch's, because there was genuine concern in the mans voice. Another reason why he had come.

The Ketch's were new money, self made, and trying to blend in with the old elites, though Bruce had to admit they never would, they were just too good, too kind, too sincere.

He wondered, dimly, in the back of his foggy, drug addled mind, if perhaps they'd finally tire of all the snide comments, rude looks, sneers, and give up on their well meaning charity that they had chosen Gotham for. He hoped they wouldn't. He liked having actual good conversation at these dull events.

"M fine, truly." Bruce answered, a few seconds too late, smiling lazily. "Might've had a few." He tried his best imitation at a drunken smile, wincing as he realized it was dangerously close to how he really felt.. tipsy. Off balance.

Robert, because that was his name, he had told Bruce his first name instead of demanding he call him Mr., frowned a little in concern, and before he knew it they had herded him to one of the seating places, settling down by him.

"How're the kids?" Mrs. Ketch asked, handing him a glass of water that Bruce gratefully accepted. "Amazing." He answered. "Splendid. They're always doing so well. They don't see it though." He frowned at his glass, wondering why that was.

"They're so amazing though. It just doesn't make any sense," He sat up, leaning forward to look at the couple in front of him intensely. They both had their eyebrows raised in surprise, but leaned forward in tandem, intruiged.

"Because see, they're so brilliant, and lovely, and smart, really I think they're the smartest people in the world- like ever. And Dickie, he's so kind and sweet and nice, and he's got a few problems and I'm sorry about it but he's really just amazing and an all around good person, I really oughtta try and be more like him, and oh he's got my eyes, im so glad he got my eyes, but i love his nose too, its nothing like mine- anyway Jason too- whoo he got my height im so happy for him- he also has my eyes! they all have my eyes actually, except cass, and damian, but like he's so brilliant and smart and he was such a good kid, he is now too- oh he doesn't like me calling him kid, but he'll always be my baby, and oh i cried so much when he died, but he better now, oh and Timmy, oh timmy is so smart. Soooo smart like genuis level, and he's wayy smarter than me, wayyyy smarter, and alfie says he has my hair, but i dont see it- i think he got my jaw though- and then Cass oh Cassandra My baby girl she's lovely and sweet and a charmer, beautiful girl, so is Barbara, but she won't let me say that to her, no no, but she is, she's so pretty and smart and quick, she scares me sometimes but I love her, such a good girl yknow? And Stephanie? Oh she and Tim need to make it official so shes mine. mine mine mine. I need another daughter you know? Too many boys. Equality of men and women at home. I need them home. And then Duke. hes so lovely too. Oh and Damian. Damian took some adjusting but they're all so lovely yknow? I remember the day they were born so vividly. I was so happy. I love them so much. It hurt, of course, but what is that to the joy they bring now yknow?"

Bruce took a sip of his drink, nodding thoughtfully as he leaned back. Mrs. and Mr. Ketch blinked a few times, opened their mouths, closed them again, and leaned back as well, exchanging glances.

"Yes. Well. Quite." Mr. Ketch cleared his throat. "Bruce, perhaps we should call you someone? To take you home?" Mrs. Ketch nodded her agreement.

"Come on sweetheart, let's get you home. You need to go to bed and.. and sleep this off." Bruce nodded, letting them help him stand and guide him to the door as Mr. Ketch called someone.

"Yeah. I like bed. And sleep. Oh- but I can't. Uh-uh, I promised Dickie I'd call him." Bruce nodded, turning to head back inside as though that would help his quest.

Mrs. Ketch grabbed his arm and gently, but firmly, led him back outside. "Rob just called him sweetheart, he's on his way."

"Oh." Bruce nodded. "Oh. Thas good." Mrs. Ketch nodded her agreement, rubbing his back soothingly. "I like that." Bruce hummed, letting his eyes close. "Its like what my mother used to do." Mrs. Ketch looked at him in surprise, hand stilling for a second before resuming.

"Really?" She asked gently. Bruce hummed in confirmation. "Oh yes. Yeah she did. You do it well. You'd make a good mom. Just like me. Well, I don't make a good mom." At that he frowned at the ground, biting his lip. "But I try."

Mrs. Ketch smiled, turning them as a car pulled up. "Yes. You do. And you do it marvelously Bruce, truly. That's all we can ever do. Try." Bruce nodded his agreement as the door opened and his eldest emerged, rushing to his side.

"Bruce!" Dick looked genuinely worried, grabbing his shoulder. "You alright?" His son's eyes were searching, scanning his body.

"Oh hes fine." Mrs. Ketch waved with a smile. "Just a few drinks. I think it'd be best he go home though, sleep it off." Dick nodded his agreement, smiling at her. "Yes. I think thats best. Thank you." She shrugged, waving it off.

"Of course. It's what he would have done for me." Dick lowered Bruce into the passenger seat, heading for the drivers. "Bruce." Ketch tapped the window, leaning down. "Hm?" Bruce tilted his head, rolling it down.

"I'm pregnant." Bruce waited, jaw dropping slowly as the words connected in his brain. "You are?" She nodded, a small smile crossing her face.

"Yes. You're the first person I've told." She glanced nervously over her shoulder, to where her husband was waiting on the steps. Bruce reached for her hand, clasping it in his own.

"You'll make an excellent mother. And he will make an amazing father." He promised. She smiled, biting her lip anxiously. "You think?" Bruce nodded. "I know." At that her smile softened, and she patted his cheek.

"Thank you. And, for what it's worth Bruce," She glanced past him to Dick, who was kindly pretending not to listen. "I think you make an excellent mother."

[beesbiteandwillowrites]

Give Jason a Baby!!!

Jason is punted into another dimension, one that doesn't match his own timeline/dimension at all. Stuck, he decides there is only one thing he can do: sow some chaos and save some people

He got dumped into the Battinson verse, after the flood has receded. In the chaos, it's fairly easy to set himself up with a halfway decent identity (he steals one). He sets out to go look for his family members, and maybe make some changes for them if he can.

Bruce is young as hell--younger than him, even, which is super weird and he doesn't know what to do with that. Batman only showed up recently, he's nowhere near the superhero powerhouse he had been in Jason's world. But he's (mostly) fine, so Jason leaves him alone for now

His next stop is the kids and whooo, that's not good. Dick was in an orphanage when the flood hit, one that got destroyed. Most of the kids were reported missing, including Dickiebird.

Timmy is a little baby still, too young to really comprehend what's going on, and his parents aren't travelling as much as they had been in Jason's world either, so he decides to just keep an eye on the kid for now. Steph is also good for now, her parents still young and hopeful and her father not yet beaten down by life. Cass he cannot find, but that doesn't mean anything: David Cain was always good at hiding. Duke and Damian aren't born yet

Last he looks into his younger self, and what he finds isn't pretty. Willis is in jail--a good few years before he ended up there in Jason's own universe. Catherine hasn't been seen since the flood, reported missing by a neighbour. That same neighbour also couldn't take care of little Jay and handed him off to an emergency shelter for flood victims.

Realistically, Jason knows that people who haven't turned up yet probably never will. Jay is by all accounts an orphan, and he's maybe 4 ish. Jason remembers foster care, and he doubts it's any better in this version of Gotham, with its unique slew of problems.

He's gonna adopt his younger self

He starts altering his identity, fiddling with government records until it looks like Willis had an illegitimate half-brother, and takes his new paperwork to the shelter. The lady who runs it is suspicious of him, but the paperwork proves that he really is Jay's family, having just arrived in Gotham in an attempt to find his family.

Jason leaves the shelter with a toddler in his arms and embarks on his newest adventure: to become a dad.

[mysterycitrus]

peter parker getting adopted by bruce (broke)

peter parker getting adopted into the titans (woke)

aside from making more sense geographically (bc I always wondered why there would be a portal sending peter to gotham when new york still exists in the DCU) the titans would overall be better for him to team up with, peter would respect them way more than bruce lmao and they’d be way more open to helping him return home

i agree!! the titans tower is the place 2 be. i know im like a Roy Person™ but i think he and peter would get along like… really really well. partially because peter’s always had a chip on his shoulder about being taken seriously because of his age and reputation and that’s something roy is uniquely able to relate to, but also cause roy is just generally really good with younger heroes? idk

i think there could be a fun interaction where peter gets to see that other young people with great power took on responsibility to protect the world, regardless of personal circumstance. esp cause like we have the champions and young avengers and stuff now, but peter was decidedly on his own for most of his run as a teenager. to my knowledge, his peers were adults. seeing an organised group who continue to mentor and raise younger heroes would be really interesting from his perspective!

roy is an obvious choice, but i think both karen and vic would also be good characters for him to meet — karen for bugs, and vic for the experience of being transformed into something different. i do think dick’s pushed as the dc spiderman just to make him more like…. quilt and less dynamic, but there are a lot of parallels to their origins (both encounter the killer who murderers their loved ones before the fact, but ultimately cannot do anything to stop it)

i also think the idea that bruce would want to adopt peter in the first place is a massive exaggeration of how trigger happy bruce is about adopting children lmao. additionally, like, would peter want to kick back with a buncha yuppies in jersey? nay. let him stay in new york and hang out with lian and maybe kick slade off a roof

[zeroducks-2]

so like. i'm very conflicted about bruce wayne. when i see superbat stuff i'm all 🥰🥰🥰 but then i think of him with his kids and the way he's treated them and and and i very much want to curb stomp him until he resembles wet cat food. what's up with that?

That's totally normal 😂 I am often feeling a very strong desire to beat that horrible old man with a spiked club, but I also love him to bits!

Contrary to popular belief(?) I don't hate Bruce. I'm pissed with the tendency to pretend he's never done anything wrong. "But I can pick what's canon and what's not!" some people say, and like... I don't really agree with that sentiment but if you want to pretend that Bruce never abused his kids I cannot stop you. Go ahead and live your favorite version of reality, it's still all fiction anyway so who cares. But stop telling people that Bruce abusing people is out of character. IT'S NOT OOC IF IT'S IN THE TEXT GODDAMMIT IDC IF IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR PERSONAL IDEA OF CANON STFU

In general, I would love it if we as the human race stopped acting like DC comics are this wholesome PG13 family friendly thing where everyone is nice and they love each other and nothing bad ever happens, and Bruce would never hurt the people he loves UwU He's such a fantastic dad omg I want to be adopted by him.

That being said. Bruce is my little meow meow. I am SO TRIGGERED by the way he abuses his kids especially Dick and Jason, especially when the writers know what they're doing and employ real existing abuse tactics that are present in toxic families. God it gives me the hives, and I am THERE for it, it's so cathartic. I also love it when he's a fucking hypocrite and treats criminals like shit, and when he's an absolute bitch who will lord over other heroes for no reason and be generally insufferable, because NEWSFLASH, loving a flawed character who does BAD THINGS is normal!

Also, he and Clark are very cute.