#Brennan's characters are out to kill me

[thelittleprinceps]

I actually cannot handle Evan Kelmp after everything that Brennen did with Tula in Burrows End

This is a stunning piece of art!!

you don't even have to ask. i'll beg.

Brennan Lee Mulligan / Anne Carson / Emily Wilson / Jaelyn Dennis / Anne Carson / Mitski / inanotherunivrse / Alicia Ostriker / Clarice Lispector / Source Unknown / souldistracted / @kermit-coded / Source Unknown / @professor-pants / souldistracted / Ricardo Martinez / Anne Carson / Phoebe Bridgers / @thegirlhoodtheory / Silas Denver Melvin / Mary Oliver / Bombay Bicycle Club / @autopsytableromance / Margaret Atwood

[maybebi47]

see thing is now i can never rewatch burrow's end

[helianthologies]

ok some thoughts: i have to say obviously that im very bored and frustrated by the way the rat grinders were handled ESPECIALLY LUCY AND KIPPERLILLY bc that was some stupid ass bullshit. but more importantly and what i havent seen anybody else mention is that whole "kalina WAS evil and working against cassandra!!" thing was so fucking stupid

what i think happened is kalina sacrificed herself to a ragestar to protect her goddess, went out of her way to give tbk a hint for the mystery right b4 she got corrupted, CLARIFIED THE HINT LATER WHEN NONE OF THEM KNEW WHAT SHE MEANT ( AND SHE WAS STILL RAGESTARRED AND MINDCONTROLLED!) and SNAPPED HER OWN! FUCKING NECK!!!!!!! so that she wouldnt be a danger to them or their quest. but the intrepid heroes misinterpreted one fucking clue and decided she was evil actually so brennan was just like yeah ok thats correct. which doesnt make any fucking sense but im not surprised anymore

[pagesofkenna]

i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:

as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game

[workingwhileidream]

Okay Burrow's End had me thinking some thoughts... So here are my favorite Dimension 20 moments that rotate like a rotisserie chicken in my brain (in no particular order other than the order I thought if them).

- Riz goes into the butthole of the Corn Ooze Monster (Fantasy High). The first absolutely insane shenanigans move anyone makes on D20, setting the tone the show will have forever.

- Raphaniel kills Queen Pamelia (Ravening War). I think I saw Brennan's soul leave his body briefly when he got that How Do You Want To Do This from Matt. Time was an absolute flat circle that day.

- Hank convinces Brennan to let him role savvy instead of sneak (Mentopolis). Hank is one of the most famous content creators, having him on the show was phenomenal to begin with. Then right out of the gate, he pulls this move in his first episode. And it just works. Hilarious, instantly iconic.

- Jet Dies (A Crown of Candy). When Lapin dies, it is shocking but I wasn't attached to him as a character. Lapin was a bit antagonistic and his death happens early in the season. On the other hand, Jet is instantly likeable. Emily and Siobhan are amazing as siblings, their performances this campaign are some of my favorites. I have siblings and I am very close to them, so this hit me like a ton of bricks.

- The entire epilogue of Burrow's End. "Are you pitching and Air Bud ending?" is one of the instant hall of fame quotes from this show. I started crying I was laughing so hard.

- Ylfa's bottleneck and the TPK (Neverafter). There are so many close calls for total party kills in Dimension 20 history, but this is where it finally happens and it's only 3 episodes in. I was on edge, expecting another TPK at any turn, for the rest of the campaign.

- 3 nat one initiative rolls for the battle that literally opens the season (A Starstruck Odyssey). The beginning of a new season is always full of excitement. This season was extra special, having everyone back in the dome after the pandemic and the season being based off Brennan's Mom's comics. The zoom energy is still in the air and I still think about this season opener a lot.

- Mother Timothy Goose breaks Snow White's concentration with a cantrip (Neverafter). Only Ally Beardsley could and we all damn well know it. Still didn't stop me from being so far in disbelief that all I could do is laugh.

- Hob's "You will never know another lonely day" speech to Rue (A Court of Fey and Flowers). I will still cry about this if I think about it for too long. Rue and Hob's romance is the heart of this season to me. I won't be over it ever.

- Gertrude convinces Nyruth to give the Questing Queens very powerful boons after the Queens tried to rob them only a few hours earlier (Dungeons and Drag Queens). The fact that this season exists drives a level of serotonin into my brain that is unimaginable. This is the definition of a big swing and when Bob rolls well, Brennan has no other choice than to honor it. This is one of the moments I have made a meme of. I cannot wait for season 2.

- Wuuvy shows up to the duel and she did not come to play (A Court of Fey and Flowers). Aabria has talked about how Wuuvy is one of her favorite NPCs and I feel the same. Wuuvy and Rue's relationship has such a great arc and this moment is so pivotal.

- Fabian's no good very bad day (Fantasy High Sophomore Year). An iconic moment in D20 history that was truly wild to watch live. For everything to go so fantastically bad for Fabian and Lou was unprecedented. There is a reason why people still talk about this moment to this day.

- Amathar survives being pushed off the castle (A Crown of Candy). Brennan tried to kill Lou so many times in this campaign. I really thought Brennan had gotten him with this one, my stomach sunk. But Lou pulls it out and Amathar lives once again.

- Pib plays "Smoke on the Water" (Neverafter). "I stepped out to play 'Smoke on the Water' " is also a hall of fame quote to me. This list could be all Pib moments if I'm being honest, he's my favorite Zac character. And the fact that Zac doesn't roll well makes this moment funnier to me.

- Buddy Bear gets planted with the All Blossom (Dungeons and Drag Queens). Jujubee and Brennan owe me a therapy session for this one. I sobbed. My cat is my baby and I will be ruined the day she leaves me, so I get it. I really do.

- "Eat your dice, Brennan" (Fantasy High Sophomore Year). A great bit made physically possible by Siobhan. I hope Siobhan gives him gummy dice or something like that so that Brennan can continue to eat his dice for Junior Year.

- Orange Top Hat Fairy (Neverafter). It's a horror season and the cast is doing bits about how hot a mini is the entire finale and the Adventuring Party that followed. I felt the stress and off the walls energy through the screen. The Smooth Criminal pin was the first piece of Dimension 20 merch I bought.

- Viola's epic takedown of Phoebe (Burrow's End). Watching Rashawn absolutely crush it her first time in the dome was amazing. I loved Viola from the jump, her arc was so satisfying and fun to watch. Also the idea of a tiny stoat kicking a gun just the right way to get it to fire is hilarious. No notes other than please have Rashawn come back on every season she possibly can.

- Evan Kelmp warns the Rosemont student not to duel him (Misfits and Magic). Brennan's deadpan warning matched with the reactions of the other players and Aabria really make this scene. An underrated Brennan moment for sure.

- Stacey Fakename turns out to be real (Mentopolis). This was such a good reoccurring bit, so to have Stacey be real at the end of the story was too funny. In a season of bits, tropes, and puns - this one has the most payoff to me and is definitely my favorite.

[noddaduck]

D20 really taught me that ttrpg characters should be made with the player in mind, you don’t just have to make a role and try to play it.

Ally with their crazy blue blockers and “nighttime ecstasy” and Lou saying he’d love a pair of those blue blockers was just so Pete and Kingston, and that’s because they made characters they were comfortable with playing, characters they could still be themselves as.

If PiB was making a dnd character for a fantasy Highschool game, he could easily make Gorgug Thistlesprig cause that would set up so many comedy opportunities. Zac “yeah I killed em” Oyama (hope I spelled that right) plays himbos not because he doesn’t want to be mean, but because “sit down” to a massive purple worm just hits so much harder out of the kid who got bullied on his first day of school. And also maybe cause he wants to be soft sometimes I don’t know don’t at me.

Siobhan makes nerds and old characters and mind reading aliens so she can be the smartest one in the room because she is and we should all say it.

Emily makes magical/supernatural punks so she can fuck with Brennan/the system/the world/death itself.

All of Murph’s characters are so confused/stressed/wired so he can yell and solve puzzles and if you gave him Druidic powers he could absolutely figure out how to feed and care for the entire homeless population of New York.

Lou just can’t not have a title, he is the Boy of Destiny, the Vox Populi, the King of Candia, the Maximum Legend. The man has known the struggles minorities face and his ball is absolutely rolling up, it is never coming back down.

Ally Beardsley has made characters with the absolute best development and evolution baked in because of course they did. Mother Goose, the only exception, the calm in every storm of the horror that was Neverafter, as well as the body guard in Mice and Murdered who’s name I don’t remember, the stability and perseverance that comes from truly finding and carving out who you are.

Brennan would make the best parent ever, his self insert was never the eagle guy it was Sklonda and Bill Seacaster and Arthur Aguefort and the Thistlesprigs and Bud Cubby and Jawbone and-

[shorthaltsjester]

there are literally no standouts in downfall because everyone sat down at that table and said hey you wanna see something cool and proceeded to Become their characters but idk if it’s because they’re beside each other and that aids the dynamic or just because it’s the delicious similarities and insurmountable distance between the god of death and the god of (in various ways) life but ayden and emhira’s interactions were so chewy and delicious. i’ll be thinking of their exchange fairly early on after ayden cast lesser restoration on that old man and emhira not cruelly but just simply stating “you cannot heal everything.” and ayden’s equally simple reply “we can always try.” emhira seeing the family trist has built and wondering at the presence of children, “surprised there is laughter in such a horrible place” and i know she’s speaking of hawk’s hill but i wonder if she is also speaking of exandria itself in some ways. the delicious space between in and out of character that only really happens in improv stories where as brennan is narrating and says “in this dark room” and nick interrupts and adds “it is not dark.” brennan’s incisive point in the cooldown that while the love that ayden and trist have for mortals and for exandria is warm and the kind of love someone would likely Want from gods, there is something maybe more honest or whole about emhira who says . actually these mortals are little shits that will kill you not because they fear you but because they hate you. whose very existence should be (and still often fails to be) a reminder that the gods can be usurped by mortals. the insight nick shared in the cooldown that ayden does not forget emhira’s origins but in a way dismisses them, that the god of death is a different beast. ayden wanting to find. way to save the people of aeor, insisting that the prime deities Win if they can find a way to do so. emhira reminding everyone that death is inevitable (and she does not add anything to clarify that she intends such a statement to only exist for mortals) as she argues for them to work to take down aeor and the people in it. the fact that the god with the most present connection to mortality is also the one given the most explicit clarification that she Is the god we know as SILAHA calls her the matron, brennan’s narration clarifies purvon is her champion, taliesin as asha asks for clarification on the recognition of emhira as a god and prompting the familiar spectre of a woman in a white mask.

i want to be very clear that when i say there are no standouts i Mean it because i’ve been awed and endeared and intrigued by every single character choice everyone made and as always brennan’s narration is so incredibly well suited for the mission impossible greek tragedy vibes that comes with this story and i’m so fucking delighted by the fact that laura, ashley, and taliesin are playing gods that their characters have known quite well in the past. i’m incredibly excited by what we’ve already gotten to see from abubakar, nashir, and nick and cannot imagine what other greatness is to come. i’m psyched to see the relationship between asha and the law bearer and am delighted that (perhaps for now perhaps for the whole arc) it is being seen through the lens of “my wife promised me a visit with apples and all i got was a rock ice emissary”. i also have many incoherent thoughts about the fact that, of the players who appeared as the same character in the opening and the story, taliesin’s ash and asha are the ones whose name remains the most unchanged.

i’m obsessed with the fact that this creature sent as a stand in by the god of law and duty believes his primary gift is love. while there is a certain mourning and sadness to every god we see, that SILAHA has a certain playful whimsy and jofyful curiosity about the world. that the only one of them who has been mortal before stops to steal an imp necklace from the neck of a drunk on the train (and that moment between brennan’s narration that this man will be dead by morning but, with death standing invisible in front of him, he is incapable of seeing it coming, and then laura as emhira breathing in deeply and brennan having that spark a coughing fit. they are Story Telling). asha seeing the erased image of a god, of a family member and saying “there’s a hole in all of us.” brennan narrating “this is a place where they tried to kill a story. it’s a very frightened thing to do.” (and god. the motif of fear. especially given the very present fear felt by the gods in current day exandria. they’re doing insane things in the critical role 3 part departure).

trist reminding ayden “he never tells the truth” and asha contesting “he only tells the truth, it’s just rotting.” emhira and asha both as perhaps the less Good™ much more neutral but doing so in such different ways, asha as bitter and hungry while emhira seems uncomfortable but there’s a familiarity and a certainty in her discomfort with mortality (the law bearer would also be included here but the emissary seems much more like trist and ayden (for now) than emhira or asha). something as insignificant as trist and her husband speaking to their children and affirming that little lies are okay while trist has lead a significant part of her life likely dishonest about who she is. the fact that there’s a certain childlike quality to the emissary who they’re all charged with ensuring makes it to the end of things even if they cannot. the fact that nahal (unclear which god they were, and i’m assuming it’s the first god of death but regardless still an absolutely compelling development in a short amount of time) in those opening moments is horrified by the concept of away which is unfamiliar to them only to soon after look upon their family and say. maybe away was better. Especially if those were words spoken by the god who would one day be replaced. these three episodes are going to haunt me and i’m excited to meet the ghosts.

[saphic-with-t]

For senior year I think the bad kids would be insanely over powered (high level dnd is nutty) so here are some fun ideas to spice up encounters in a zany sit-com sort of way. This is a long post btw.

1. Physical regression fight

The bad kids are reverted to their freshman bodies and have to fight as their original level one forms.

I’d imagine it as a Last Standard Exam style onslaught. They start as their level one characters and after each semi-quick wave they regrow a little bit, regaining a few levels, until they finally re-reach their present body. Also funny if they have to go through their bodies most awkward puberty stages again.

2. Freaky Friday

The bad kids all swap bodies. All of the players swap character sheets and have to play their character but using the stats/classes entirely of another character. Extra fun if they can’t meta-game by reminding each other of certain abilities or actions they can do irl, as to hammer in how inproficient they are at being one another.

3. Dance Fight

Similar to the Broadway fight from unsleeping city. All the bad kids have to fight in the middle of some major performance/dance act. Maybe it happens during some sort of audition or performance Fabian is doing.

They all have to navigate doing very high level performance and acrobatic checks which means balance actions and recourses have to be spent on both making sure everyone is good at performing and also on fighting well.

4. Doppelgängers

The bad kids fight themselves. Exact same levels, exact same stats.

Extra points if they don’t know which ones are the real ones, so half of the players are fighting with npc versions of the other half and vice versa. This means they have to also figure out which ones are the fakes mid-fight and some of them were actually playing as their own doppelgänger, semi-similar to the Baron fight in junior year. This also means Brennan would be playing as some doppelgängers but also as some of the actual real characters since those players are unknowingly the doppelgängers.

5. Shipping wars

Some ultra-powerful weirdo god-monster is running a spicy dating game and has kidnapped the bad kids. It is super over the top and annoying and is trying to convince/make the bad kids date eachother and fight eachother as couples. The fight is about tricking the freaky god-monster into thinking they actually have fallen for their assigned partner while pretending to fight the other pairs, with the eventual goal of killing it.

Can’t think of any pairing combo that this wouldn’t be funny with. Adaine and Riz would be bad at acting no matter what, Fig and Fabian would be way to convincing, and Gorgug and Kristen would be super awkward with their partner and also not fully know if Fig and Fabian were actually being serious about their respective partner.

6. Babysitter

Fabian has to spend the entire fight protecting/dealing with new baby sibling. Can hand them off to friends if need be. This includes dealing with a child who has 1 hit point in a high level battle, but also doing stuff like making sure they stay asleep (somehow) or changing a dirty diaper.

7. Freaky Friday 2: Parental Controls

All swapped to their parent’s bodies. Adaine becomes Jawbone, Fig becomes Sandra Lynn, Gorgug becomes one of the thistlesprings, Riz becomes Sklonda, Kristen becomes Lydia Barkrock (her secret mother figure), and Fabian becomes Hallaarial (or funnier option, Gilear).

This is funny to me because whatever spell or curse did this considers adoptive/non-genetic parental figures over biological/legal Gaurdians. Also this is extra funny if they have to team up with their parent who has swapped with them. So Adaine has to deal with Jawbone being in her body, Fig with Sandra Lyn being in hers, Gorgug with one of the thistlesprings, etc.

Also funny if other npcs show up (Ayda became Arthur Aguefort, Bucky Applebees as either Mac or Donna, etc).

Would love to see all of these honestly, would love to hear other dumb silly fighting bits y’all would want to see.

[raguonmynieceandnephew]

"It's so unfair to the Rat Grinders that they are killed instantly and the Bad Kids get to roll death saves." SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUP

THIS IS LONG, AND HONESTLY FOR MYSELF, SO YEAH READ IF YOU WANT

I swear to god, this discourse is going to fucking be the end of me. Idk what kind of mind boggling spell Brennan Lee Mulligan wove into the fabric of the universe that spread through the data center of Dropout in order to absolutely hijack y'all's brains when it comes to Cocklord Assgape and her ragtag of character foils but whatever it was has made you Rat Grinder stans INSUFFERABLE in this site.

The levels of treating fictional characters as if they were real people have reached a level I honestly have never anticipated, to the point of y'all actually being mad AT THE CAST for "mistreating" them and ACTUALLY QUESTION BRENNAN'S CAPACITY TO DM. Do you not get how fucking insane that is?

We can't make fun of Copperkettle, one of the most pathetic, petty and incompetent villains in D20 history anymore (even though she is masterfully written and developed to generate this reaction from us) anymore because it's bullying apparently. I saw an account flip the fuck out because someone compared her rivalry with Kristen to Drake and Kendrick's beef. KIPPERLILY IS NOT A REAL GIRL. SHE IS A MAKE BELIEVE CHARACTER IN AN IMPROV SHOW SPAWNED FROM THE BRAIN OF A 36 YEAR OLD MAN

And then what truly pissed me off the MOST about this whole hell is the fact that, being chronically online avid consumers of this goddamn show, I would think you would have but a grasp of the main cast of characters' characterization.

Why the uproar about Riz saying they should chop Oisin's head off? The same Riz who tortured that pixie from Freshman year by shooting off their finger one by one? The same Riz who murked a disarmed and unconscious Coach Daybreak without battin an eye? The same Riz who ATE THE CORPSE OF KALVAXUS?

And the whole Fabian vs Ivy debacle MY GOD, THE GIRL WAS RACIST TO HIS GIRLFRIEND AND USED HER LAST BREATH TO CALL MAZEY "OBJECTIVELY UGLY". And the funniest thing is that is not even the most unhinged shit he has ever said.

And finally, Death Save Gate: THE RAT GRINDERS ARE NOT PLAYER CHARACTERS. THEY ARE NPCS! THE RULES FOR EACH WORK DIFFERENTLY, ESPECIALLY THEM BEING BOSS ENCOUNTERS. Imagine having to still hit Ivy or Oisin 2 more times to kill them when there is 14 foot tall Porter throwing legendary actions left and right, with Jace, and other 3 spell casters + Mary Ann and KLCK up and running. It's called balancing the fucking game. Also, game masters are entitled to break, mold and make up any rules they want if they find necessary in order to service themselves and their players. IF YOU PLAY WITH ALL THESE RULES AS THEY COME, GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR TABLE. THIS IS NOT YOUR TABLE.

Not only is Brennan DMing for his CLOSEST FRIENDS EVER, he is also shooting and producing an ENTIRE TV SHOW. So yeah, i think he knows wtf he is doing.

"But the Ratgrinders had no real development": True. But it wasn't for lack of trying from the players. Everytime they tried to know more, the dice didn't let them, so they decided to focus on the mystery. It simply do be like that sometimes.

"But they are just kids!": And so were Penelope, Dayne, Ragh, Zayn, the Bloodrush Players, Aelwyn and Biz. Why wasn't it a problem then? Because most of them were evil to some extent and were about to bring the fucking apocalypse to the world? Yeah, sounds familiar right? And the ones who were manipulated or had any sort of redemption worked their way into earning it, right? Yeah.

In conclusion, I fucking love the Rat Grinders, I truly do, and not unlike 90% of this website, i'm still holding on to hope that they have any sort of development and redemption in the last episode, because I agree, they ARE children and they WERE manipulated by Porter and Jace, but like, can we also agree that they are fucking assholes and had it fucking coming? Also, the BKs are children too y'know. SO STOP BEING FUCKING ANNOYING.

[unlikablefemaleprotagonist]

i don't think people appreciate how good the mice & murder "oops all college humor goofballs" season was. i rewatched it right at the beginning of burrow's end (for adorable woodland creature reasons) and it's just so underrated.

first of all, every member of the cast is KILLING IT. grant is genuinely witty as a sherlock holmes-style dandy and is solving the case in real time. rekha's southern drawl gives me life. katie goes full peaky blinders. raph is a master of rolling badly and then roleplaying exactly how his character fucked it up. and sam's portrayal of buckster $ boyd is so charismatic it makes me want him back in the dome for a side quest ASAP

ally's portrayal of lars gets its own bullet point because i genuinely believe it's some of their best work. often ally's characters are the lynchpin of season lore, but lars proves how much ally shines when their talents for comedy are harnessed toward nothing but inhabiting an impossibly loyal silly little thembo who knows a lot about astrology

*hits the trunk of my car* this baby can hold so many nat 20s in it

specifically the nat 20 that rekha hit which made brennan speed rewrite the entire season??? and it works so well i can't imagine any solution to this mystery other than the one he came up with???

lucretia brockhollow's voice

honestly i thought i would dislike the covid-season-ness of it all but i actually loved that you could see everyone's facial expressions at the same time. it's a lot more smoothly executed in a technical sense than unsleeping city: chapter 2 or even fantasy high: sophomore year

the gags carlos luna did with the figures in roll20??? come on

sometimes a family CAN be a mother who's an epileptic mole, a father that's a capitalistic javelina pig, and a grave-robber weasel son who's probably older than the dad

it's just so cozy and fun and laugh-out-loud funny it makes me feel like i'm wrapped up in a blanket sipping hot chocolate from a warm mug

[writinginatree]

Adaptability

Relationship(s): Bodhi Durran/female!reader, Imogen Cardulo & Garrick Tavis & reader

Summary: After an injury sustained at Resson leaves you with a lasting impairment, your boyfriend Bodhi helps you as best as he can while you learn how to navigate the world under these new conditions.

Warnings: Spoiler for the start of Iron Flame, swearing, injury, implied panic attack, mentions of canon-typical violence and canon character death, reader is a marked one

A/N: Phew, this one took me pretty long to write... The stuff with reader's signet was a bit of a challenge, but I hope I managed to explain it in a way that makes sense? Idk, but all in all I'm surprisingly happy with how this turned out ^^

Part 2

Everything is black. You try to open your eyes, but they're already open. They feel sore, like when you've been looking in the sun for too long. Voices reach you through the haziness of your mind, overlapping so you can't make out the words. The voices stop, someone walks away, the sound of their footsteps unnaturally loud in your pounding head.

You try to sit up. The surface below you feels soft, like a bed, but that can't be right. You were in the middle of battle when— shit! The venin!

You sense movement beside you and reach for the alloy-hilted dagger that should be strapped to your thigh, but find nothing. Still sluggish from your involuntary nap and disoriented by the lingering darkness, you feel around for your other daggers. The one at your hip is right where it belongs, and you instantly feel better when your fingers wrap around the hilt. It won't kill the venin, but it's better than nothing. You probably dropped the alloy one when you passed out. It has to be close by. You'll just—

A hand is placed on top of yours before you can fully draw your weapon, and you flinch.

"It's okay," someone says. "The battle is over, you're safe."

"Bodhi? Is that you?" You know it's him from his voice, but the darkness irritates you. You look in the direction he seems to be in and try to find his face in the darkness. Nothing. Why the fuck is it so dark? For a moment you think that maybe Xaden encased the area in shadow, but if the battle is over, that doesn't make much sense. "What's going on?"

There's movement again, then you feel Bodhi sit down closer to you, his hip touching yours. He takes both your hands in his and places a kiss first on one, then the other.

"You got injured and passed out," he explains, as if you can't figure that much out yourself. You remember the venin in front of you, a blinding explosion before unconsciousness came over you.

"I feel fine. Besides a bit of a headache. But why is it so dark?"

Only silence. If he weren't still holding your hands, you might have thought he left.

"Bodhi?"

"It's not dark, love. The sun from the window is shining right at you."

Window? Okay, so you definitely aren't in Resson anymore. And now that he says it, you become aware of the warm feeling of sunlight on your skin. But— "What are you talking about?! It's pitch black in here. Wherever here is. I can't see shit!"

"Here is my room. At Aretia." You want to ask what the fuck you're doing in Aretia, but he already continues, "And you can't see because—" He swallows hard. "Because your eyes are— they're hurt pretty bad. Brennan mended what he could, but..."

Cold dread creeps into you. You shake your head and try to pull your hands from Bodhi's to feel for your eyes, but he holds on tight.

"But?" you urge him to finish his sentence. You're not sure you actually want to hear it, but you need to.

"But he can't restore your vision," Bodhi says quietly. "I didn't understand everything he said, but that's what it comes down to. You will never see again."

No. It can't be. It can't be.

"I'm so sorry, darling."

You shake your head, trying to deny that this is happening. There's no way. It has to be a nightmare. Some sick joke. A trick the venin are playing on you. Maybe you're still in the midst of battle and none of this is actually real. But no matter how many times you close your eyes and open them again, the darkness just won't yield.

"Shh, don't panic," Bodhi pleads. "Please don't panic."

"You're telling me I'm blind and I'm not supposed to panic?!" You cringe at the way you sound — like a hysterical little girl. As a rider, you should have more composure than that. You know Bodhi is right, freaking out won't make it better. But knowing that does nothing to help you stay calm. This can't be happening, that's all you can think.

Suddenly your dragon's voice fills your head, her relief palpable. "You're awake."

"I can't see!"

"I know," Fonn soothes. "I know. But you will adapt."

You shake your head, biting back a sob as you block her out. You can't deal with her endless fucking optimism right now.

"I'm sorry," Bodhi says, and pulls you into his arms. There is nothing he can say to make this better, and he seems to know it, because he doesn't say any more.

For a few minutes he just holds you in silence, rocking back and forth with you in an effort to soothe you. You're aware you're starting to hyperventilate as the panic rises the more the truth sets in, but you can't seem to stop the sobbing, no matter how hard you try. Blind. You're fucking blind. Who has ever heard of a blind rider? You're fucking dead. Fresh meat for your enemies, defenseless because you can't see them.

"You will learn how to fight without seeing them," Fonn insists, ripping through your mental shields as though they're paper. You really need to get better at keeping them up even under extreme stress. You block her again, putting more effort into it this time. Hearing that you should look at the positive side, how lucky you are to still be alive at all, is the last thing you need right now, and knowing Fonn, that's exactly how she views the situation.

"Shh, baby, breathe" Bodhi soothes. "Come on, deep breaths, nice and slow."

You try, but still all you manage are shallow sobs that barely get any air into your lungs. Bodhi holds you tighter, trying to comfort you with his presence, cradling your head against the junction of his neck. Burying your face against his skin makes you feel a little better. That way, you can pretend the reason you can't see is only that your eyes are squeezed shut. There's just one problem — pressing your face against him like that makes it even harder to breathe properly.

You can't tell how much time passes, but eventually, your tears slow to a trickle, and finally stop altogether. Bodhi cups your cheek and makes you lift your head a little — to look at you, you assume. Fresh despair washes over you at the realization that you will never get to look at him again, but no more tears will come. You've cried yourself dry.

The feeling of his lips on yours startles you, but it only takes you a second to gather yourself and eagerly kiss back.

"You'll be okay," he mutters against your lips. "I'm here for you."

You decide to ignore the first part of what he said — the part you don't have it in you to believe — and focus on the second half. He's here for you. Yes. And you're eternally grateful for that. You don't know what you'd do without him.

"Everything will be alright," he repeats.

You've let your mental shields down again, and Fonn senses your doubt. "He's right," she says. "Out of all the riders I've had, you're the strongest, smartest and bravest. And you know I've had a bunch of them over the years. This will make things hard for a while, but you'll be okay. I'm sure of it."

"If you say so," you reply, both out loud to Bodhi, and through your mental connection to Fonn. Sitting up straighter, you only now notice that Bodhi has only been holding you with one arm, the other squeezed in between your bodies. Feeling for it, you realize it's in a sling. "You're hurt too."

"Just a broken arm and a few scratches," Bodhi assures you. "No big deal."

Compared to your own injury, you suppose it really isn't. A broken arm is hardly more than an annoyance, painful but temporary. Unlike your eyes, it will be healed soon.

You take a deep breath and try to focus on something else. It's surprisingly easy when you realize you don't know where the rest of your friends are. Gods, you hope nothing happened to any of them.

"What about the others? Is everyone okay?"

Bodhi winces. "Soleil and Liam didn't make it." Two. Two of your friends are dead. Had that happened after you got injured, or had you simply missed it in the chaos of battle? "Violet is hurt, too."

"How bad?"

"A venin stabbed her with a poisoned dagger. Brennan mended her, but she's still unconscious."

"Will she be okay?"

You send a silent prayer to Zihnal that she will — and not just because her life is tied to that of Xaden, who is one of your closest friends. You like Violet. To say you and her are friends would be an exaggeration, but you could be — almost certainly would, if things weren't so complicated. Maybe you actually will become friends, now that the truth is out. If she survives.

"We're not sure. But Brennan seems to think so."

"Good. That's good."

Questions about your comrades thus answered, your thoughts return to your own condition. Is there really nothing that can be done? And if there isn't, then what now?

"Your signet might help you get by," Fonn suggests. She seems to have thought it through already in the hours you were unconscious. "You know how your sound waves reflect off of the objects around you? With a bit of practice I'm sure you can use that to get a mental picture of your surroundings."

You hate having to destroy her hopes in the idea — she seems so proud. But it won't work. "The sound would have to be so loud it would turn everyone around me deaf to get a clear picture."

"Not necessarily. You could use a sound frequency humans can't hear, the way bats do."

"I don't know, Fonn. I have no idea how that works. I don't even know if I can produce ultrasound waves."

"I don't see why not. They're sound waves like any other. There's no reason you should only be able to produce those your human ears can hear. It's worth a try, at least."

You suppose she's right, even if the mere thought exhausts you. A hopelessness is settling in your chest the more you start to accept that your eyesight is truly irredeemable. But you're a rider, and riders don't give up. Even if you wanted to, Fonn wouldn't let you, nor Bodhi.

"Are you hungry?" he asks now.

You nod.

"I'll get you something to eat. Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Bodhi, wait!" If he leaves you alone like this, unable to see, in a place you're unfamiliar with, clueless how long it will take him to walk to the kitchen and back, you'll go mad. You can't stand the thought of being alone in this foreign, permanent darkness. "Let me come."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay in bed and rest a bit longer?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, Bodhi. Well... as fine as one can be after finding out they've turned blind. I don't want to be alone."

Bodhi takes your hand and pulls you to your feet. "Alright. Come on then."

He leads you through what feels like an endless labyrinth of wide, echoing halls and stairways, walking slowly and giving you plenty of warning whenever you get to another flight of stairs or doorway so you don't stumble or walk into anything. It's nerve-wracking to not know where exactly you are, to have to completely rely on another person's guidance. No idea what's around you, if there's anyone else in the room. You thank the gods you have Bodhi by your side. There's no one else in the world you trust as much as you trust him, no one else you would feel safe to blindly follow — literally.

He opens a door, and even before he says, "Here we are", you know from the smell of fresh bread hanging in the air that the room he's leading you into has to be the kitchen. Judging from the sounds, someone is working on one side of the room, but they don't pay any attention to you as far as you can tell. Bodhi gently pushes you into a chair, instructing you to stay there. Your anxiety rises as he walks away, but you reassure yourself with the fact that he's still in the same room. You hear him rummage around just a few feet away, and a minute later he's back by your side and places a plate in your hands.

You want to be close to him, have the reassurance of his touch to prove you're not alone even if you can't see him, so you sit in Bodhi's lap as you eat, his arm around your waist so you know he's there even when he's silent. It's not until you start to eat that you realize just how hungry you really were, and you quickly finish your plate.

When you're done, Bodhi turns your head back toward him and kisses away a crumb from your lips.

Leaning back, you trace your fingers over the scars that now surround your eyes, try to imagine what they look like. Most riders love comparing their scars, competing for whose are the coolest, and you're no exception. "Does it at least look badass?" you want to know from Bodhi. Surely a cool look to make up for the loss of your eyesight isn't too much to ask for, is it?

"Very," Bodhi assures you, nuzzling his face against the side of your neck.

"Well, I guess that's okay then," you decide with a sigh. You will wear the scars with pride, like a badge that tells everyone you've survived a fight against the venin.

"Don't worry," Bodhi says, and you can hear the grin in his voice, "I promise you're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

You elbow him, smiling despite yourself. "Shut up."

"Never. Now that you can't see how pretty you are anymore, I'll just have to remind you of it even more often."

The door opens, and two sets of footsteps approach.

"Y/N! You're up!"

You turn your head in the direction of the voice, which you're pretty sure is Imogen's. She and whoever is with her come closer. One of the two has a heavier footfall than the other, so you assume it's one of the guys. Garrick, maybe? It can't be Xaden, because according to Bodhi, his cousin refuses to leave Violet's side for even a second, and the other guys aren't that much bigger than Imogen, so their footsteps wouldn't sound so stomp-y compared to hers.

"Barely conscious again and you two are already all over each other again," someone chuckles, and yep, that's Garrick, all right. No one else teases Bodhi and you as relentlessly as he does.

"I'm just helping her," Bodhi says defensively. He told you on the walk to the kitchen that the others are aware you've lost your vision, which is a relief. Having to tell them yourself, to witness their shock and pity, would have made this even harder to bear.

"Of course," Garrick snorts, but then gets more serious. "How are you coping, Y/N?"

You force a smile. "I'm fine. Still a bit... well... shocked, I guess. But I'll get used to it." You'll have to.

"Tell us if there's anything we can do to help, yeah?"

You nod. "Yeah. Thanks."

Despite how compassionate and helpful everyone is being, you spend most of your time hiding away in Bodhi's room. You've been to Riorson House only twice before and would have felt lost in the unfamiliar fortress either way, but being blind on top of that, you don't feel safe roaming the vast fortress on your own, and therefore refuse to leave the room without Bodhi. Fonn can keep telling you that you will adapt all she wants; until you figure out how to use your signet for echolocation — if that's really possible at all — you're not taking a single step past this room without Bodhi.

Inside his room, you're comfortable enough to walk around without his guidance. He walked the perimeter of the room with you a few times after your little trip to the kitchen, and you quickly memorized the layout. Four steps from the bed to the bathing chamber, five from the bed to the door leading into the hallway. The window is one small step to the right of his desk, the chair of which is pushed in so you can't fall over it. Bodhi ensures every item lying around on the surfaces in his room or the bathing chamber has its place to make it easier for you to find anything.

The first time you try to use your signet to navigate around, you're standing in the foyer with everyone after dinner on your first day at Aretia. The mood is low, the loss of Liam and Soleil weighing down on you all, not to mention the worry about Violet. None of you really know what to do with themselves. Everyone agreed to wait a little longer before burying Liam and Solei and burning their things in the hopes that Violet will wake up first so she and Xaden can be there too, and it's much too early to go to bed, so you all stand in the hall, talking. You're a little off to the side, not much interested in the conversation. The others are talking about what they can do now that you're at Aretia, if they can help somehow while you're here, wondering how long you'll have to stay. You too wonder when — if — you'll return to Basgiath. There's no use worrying about it, though. Until Violet wakes up, none of you are going anywhere. And the others might be able to make themselves useful here, but blind as you are, there's not much you can do, except try to find a way to navigate the world without help.

Step one of achieving that is finding out if Fonn was right about the possibility of using your signet for echolocation. You take a few more steps away from the group, one hand on the wall so you don't lose track of where you are. Might as well test Fonn's theory here and now.

You reach for your power and prepare. It has to be a frequency far above what humans can hear, much higher pitched than any sound you've ever produced before. Careful to put less force behind the sound waves than you do when you use them in a fight, you release them — and immediately realize you fucked it up, the echo useless as the crash of shattering glass distorts it. Bodhi's hand closes around your arm as he takes a few quick steps to the side with you, pulling you out of the shower of glass shards. There must have been a window right next to where you'd been standing.

"Sorry. I was trying to use my signet as echolocation, but, uh. Well."

"Not the best attempt," Garrick remarks as Bodhi plucks glass shards from your hair.

"No."

"Do us all a favor and go outside if you're going to try that again, would you?"

You can't identify the speaker, but nod all the same. "Yeah. Sorry."

You really should have known better than to try it in here — when you'd been a first-year, you had shattered many a window before you learned how to properly control your signet, so you know very well how destructive it can be. But the temptation to try and use it to navigate through this labyrinth of a house was just too big. Well — at least you didn't destroy anyone's eardrums.

Bodhi takes your hand and leads you around the glass shards and outside.

"Was that window very big?" you ask once you're in the courtyard, guilt nagging at you.

"No, don't worry about it. How about we walk up to the valley?" he suggests. "I bet Fonn would be happy to see you, and you can try the echolocation on the way up without destroying anything."

"Yeah. That'd be nice."

The uneven terrain out here is harder to navigate than the halls of Riorson House, but Bodhi is there to catch you should you stumble, so you aren't too worried. At a safe distance from the fortress, you reach for your power again, making sure to aim the sound waves away from Bodhi so you don't accidentally hurt him.

This time, you use a lower frequency, but still above the spectrum of what humans can hear. You feel the sound waves travel through the air, until, somewhere to your right, they reflect off of something, returning to you as an unhearable echo.

So far so good.

But how do you make sense of what the echos tell you? The only thing you're sure of is that whatever it was that your sound waves bounced off of is pretty big. Other than that, it could be just about anything. A boulder? A house? The mountainside? A dragon, maybe? No. You can't tell how far away exactly the object is, but it seems pretty close. Bodhi would have warned you if you were that close to someone else's dragon, and Fonn is quite a way further up the mountain.

"What's to the right of us?" you ask Bodhi.

"Some boulders and undergrowth," he answers.

Okay, so your first guess was pretty close. But guessing isn't going to be good enough. If this echolocation is supposed to be any use, you need to find a way to make it more precise.

"But it is working," Fonn's smug voice sounds in your head.

"Yeah, yeah. You were right. As usual."

"Try again."

You do, this time aiming the ultrasound waves at the ground before you. The echo gives you a vague impression that the path slopes upward relatively steep a little further ahead, but that's it. The picture you can create in your mind based on the data your sound waves give you isn't nearly detailed enough to make out bumps in the ground or other obstacles, and therefore pretty much useless.

"Don't be so pessimistic," Fonn scolds. "You can't expect to be perfect at this on the first attempt. You will figure it out. Now try again."

Again and again you send out sound waves as you climb the path. It gets easier to make sense of the echos the more you do it, your senses attuning to the new way of receiving information, but the problem remains; you just can't get enough details for it to be truly helpful.

You've reached the valley now, and you can feel Fonn close by. Tapping into the power flowing between you, you send another echolocation call in her direction, and find that there are two big shapes looming in front of you. It's not hard to guess who Fonn's companion is; she and Cuir have grown pretty close with how much time they spend together thanks to you and Bodhi. You do it again, trying to memorize how the echo reflecting off a dragon feels. Fonn lowers her head toward you, and you marvel at how much the echo changes at the movement. With enough practice, you could probably detect even the smallest of movements. But determinating the precise distance between you and the dragons — between you and anything — seems to be a lot more tricky. Maybe you can learn to judge it by the time delay between the moment you emit your call, and the moment the echo returns. Or maybe you just haven't found the right sound frequency yet. You sigh, knowing you'll have no other choice but to simply keep trying until you figure it out.

Warm air hits you as Fonn invades your space, and you lean your forehead against her snout. With a pang of sadness you realize you will never get to look at her again, to admire the beautiful shimmer of her green scales in the sunlight or watch her wings flex. Part of you still doesn't want to accept that you will never see again. It feels wrong that there's absolutely nothing to be done about it. But if even mending didn't work, then nothing will; the logical part of you understands that.

"This sucks."

"Yes."

"What, no 'look at the bright side' or 'it could be worse'?"

Fonn huffs. "I may be optimistic, but that doesn't mean I'll pretend everything is fine. Your feelings are perfectly valid."

After three days at Aretia, Violet finally wakes up, much to everyone's relief. It's no surprise when she agrees to fight with the revolution, so now the only question is what the nine of you that remain of the squad that flew for Athebyne will do now. With Violet awake, Xaden is taking responsibility again, which in this moment means he's arguing with the Assembly about whether or not your group should return to Basgiath, while Bodhi, Imogen and you are eavesdropping in the doorway.

Ironically it's you who's keeping lookout with the help of your signet, and really, you detect someone approaching even before their footsteps are audible. You're not skilled enough to get any details yet, though, so you poke Imogen's arm and gesture in the direction of whoever it is.

"It's Violet," she whispers, and waves her over.

Violet's shoulder brushes yours as she comes to stand between you and Imogen, who gives her a quick explanation about the Assembly.

"They're talking about us," Violet realizes after a while.

You nod. "That's why we're listening from the hallway."

"My life is equal to any of theirs," Xaden says inside the meeting room, and you hear rustling of clothes like people have turned to look somewhere.

"Is he pointing at us? He is, isn't he?"

"Yes," Bodhi whispers back as the Assembly starts to panic about Violet having heard their conversation. Louder he says, "If you didn't want her to hear you should have closed the door."

"She cannot be trusted!" one of the Assembly members yells.

"Xaden has already taken responsibility for her," you counter, gripping Bodhi's hand so he can guide you as you all step into the room. That doesn't seem to matter much to the Assembly, though, because the yelling continues back and forth until Violet has had enough of it and speaks up for herself.

Xaden has the last word, of course, telling the Assembly it's not up to them whether you all return to Basgiath and declaring the discussion as done. The four of you file out of the room and make your way up to the valley, where you wait for Violet, who stays back to talk to her brother.

It isn't very long until they show up, and the group gathers near her dragons.

"We have to go back," Violet says, which is exactly what you think too. "No matter what the Assembly says, if we don't go back, they'll kill every cadet with a rebellion relic."

Her brother disagrees, saying you'll all be executed if you go back, and a new argument ensues.

"I vote we go," Garrick says eventually. "We have to risk it. They'll kill the others if we don't return, and we can't cut off the flow of weapons from Basgiath. Who agrees?"

You raise your hand, and feel Bodhi do the same next to you.

While Brennan and Xaden continue to argue about Violet being unable to shut Aetos out, Ciaran says, "Y/N should stay here."

You whirl around and glare at him. Putting together the direction his voice came from with what you perceive through your signet, you can pinpoint his location exactly enough to do so. "No."

"You can't see—"

"Well aware."

"—so you can't fly back with us."

"I don't need to see to ride. Fonn sees enough for the both of us."

It's uncomfortably silent for a moment, but then Garrick carefully asks, "And how do you want to mount her when you can't see her?"

"Like this," you say, and walk straight toward her, following the bond between you.

Using your signet to orientate yourself, you easily find her foreleg. You're still working out how to fine-tune your echolocation to get a more detailed picture, but even as it is, something the size of a dragon is hard to miss. Climbing up her leg is the easiest part — you've done it so many times you could do it in your sleep, blind or not. Reaching her shoulder, you hear the others murmuring among themselves below you, worried you'll stumble or slide off on the way to your seat. But Fonn stands still as a statue, and you get there without trouble.

"See?" you call down to your friends. "Easy. And it's not like I have to do anything other than keep my seat once we're in the air."

"Okay, but can you dismount without falling on your ass?"

You sigh at the lack of faith they all have in you. You've been a rider for the last two years — by now, everything is muscle memory. Jumping from Fonn's shoulder and landing on your feet is as easy as rising from a chair, especially since she would have warned you if there were any obstacles on the ground you needed to avoid.

"Okay, fine. So you can ride, but what are you going to do when we're back at Basgiath?" Eya questions. "Provided they don't kill us, how do you want to take notes in class? And what about challenges? I know you're a good fighter, but if you can't see your opponent..."

"I'll figure it out somehow. The echolocation will help. I still need some practice until I can fully rely on it, but I'll manage." You refuse to stay behind and hide here while the others risk their lives by returning to Basgiath. Wounded or not, it's your right and duty to do the same.

"And I'll help her," Bodhi chimes in. He steps closer, taking your hand. "She can do it."

"If everyone is sure about going, we'll fly as soon as Andarna's awake," Xaden says, putting an end to the discussion.

"We're sure," Garrick answers for all of you.

There's a rustling somewhere off to the side, and Violet talks to her dragon. The smaller one — which isn't quite so small anymore from what you heard — must have woken up. Then more rustling, followed by a sort of stomping sound. You sense movement with your signet, but can't figure out what it is.

"What's going on?"

"The young one is awake," Fonn explains.

"And?"

"And she's... clumsy."

"I... uh... think we're going to have to make some modifications on that harness," Bodhi says beside you. "That's going to take a few hours."

"Get the harness done quickly," Xaden says. "I have a plan, but we have to be back in forty-eight hours for this to work, and a day of that is needed for flight time."

"What's in forty-eight hours?" Violet asks.

"Graduation."

[figscigfigs]

my favorite moments of episode 15 of fantasy high junior year!!:

brennan making his friends write a limerick in 5 minutes

siobhan just immediately recognizing the elven bc she’s read lord of the rings so many times

ROCK HEAVEN BABIES MENTION!!

SHRIMP DRAGON!!!!! (literally such a beautiful mini)

the drivers ed question (i am so nostalgic ahh)

"not the same dice as before, right?" "it's a different die" “want one that's been rolling good for me?" "no cuz i'll ruin it" (literally the most romantic convo ive ever heard)

the rats HAVE to defend their livelihood

the stamps all over siobhan’s arm

PENTACORN!!!!!!

PURPLE WORM!!!!!!!!!

"let's kill all the monsters and then if we feel like we're gonna fail we'll kill each other" *arguing* “i'll cut off my head" “i'm just saying i call fabian"

gorgug’s absolutely endless supply of crits

“sit down you’re fricking rocking the boat my guy”

mephit bombs!!!!

emily and her characters constantly making out with the people they’re about to kill

“the fighting’s over it’s all love now”

NOT WHEN KIPPERCUNT CHEATED?!??!??!? HOW’S THAT FAIR BITCH WHAT?!?!?!

the pull up bar (cinematic parallels to the ribbon)

aguefort’s lil video recording (i miss him so so much AND I MISS AYDA MORE BRING BACK AYDA , YOU COWARD)

“so we didn’t have to study at all, we could’ve just done this”

gavin’s very kind and trusting conversation to the bad kids after the exam

fig getting rid of her phone AGAIN

[kitsunesakii]

So to re clarify-

(And no I'm not trying to spell correctly)

(And this is just for fun)

(Also I'm so sick rn my head is about to explode)

Here at tma we have ;

Elias/ Jonah Magnus/ Bouchard - the stereotypical baddie from every animated kids cartoon

Gurtrude Robinson - somewhere in between "f- around and find out" and "screw it we'll just use dynamite"

Gerard Key - emo ghostie thats more normal than the 'norm'

Jon Sims - a "disgruntled-honestly-only-wanted-to-

reorganize-the-bloody-archives-is-that-

too-much-to-ask?!?" Workaholic

Tim stroker - didn't deserve his fate also 100% used his bedroom eyes to get info at some point

Sasha James - besides Martin she was the only one who could put up with Jon / also didn't deserve her fate

Martin Blackwood - bestie was down bad for his grouch of a boss/coworker also the only humanity left in that place

Bisera - here's where last names are gonna get iffy / good cop

Daisy - daughter of the hunt/ tried to execute Jon and pretty much K/O'd Mike Crew also she might be a werewolf

Micheal Shelly - a nervous bottle of energy that trusted too deeply, his revenge would be his end

Mike Crew - got a scar and gets offended at people about it

Peter Lucas - he sounds like any hr at any job when they are trying to kindly explain why brutal pipe murder is wrong but is drawn like a hundred year old sea captain (no I'm not over this)

Anabel Cane - the reason I hate spiders more than I do now

The cult of the undying light/ The people's church of the lightless flame - I've never been so confused on two seperate fronts but basically one of these is I think the desolation and the other is the dark and no I don't know which is which - they had a space mission that tormented two people

SO MANY NAMES

Yergain Lightner

Jergain Leigtner?

The old guy with the spooky books (nailed it) - he's been livin in the BASEMENT

Helen - see it's characters like hers that make me think I should relisten through 1-4 instead of s5 cause I don't remember where she came from,,, was she the one that was sleep deprived? Who knows! I certainly don't.

Nikola - she's fun, Russian, and mannequin, her pronouns are hell/no

Hilltop road - a street I shall never live on

Brennan and Hope - a service I will never deliver from

Also y'all remember that guy that was probably a gangster and wanted revenge on the other gangster so he went to the lady and told her he wanted it to be slow and painful but he didn't believe she had magical powers but when he went to kill the guy himself he found that he had some fingers missing and overall looked like hell and then started getting packages with his own body parts? Yea well I wanna know which fear helped in that....

There's also Mikale Silasa - y can't names be nice and easy

Michael Silasea

Something like that ^ -- genuinely cannot remember this guy

Was he the one that wrote those letters to Gertrude about the 15th fear that Martin had to read? Was he the antique dealer that seemed to come across all the cursed items? Was he that guy on the boat? The one that worked for the vast?????

Simon Fairchild - dunno. Just. Dunno.

I've got to be missing so many people and y e t.

[dropoutconfessions]

In response to the anon talking about how a large subsection of the Mismag fandom is only viewing PC relationships through "Evan and __"-- I ABSOLUTELY agree.

And to add onto it-- look, I love Evan as a character. I do see a lot of myself in his struggles with mental illness (though I personally relate most to Jammer and Sam, out of the PCs) and I think he's very well created and acted by Brennan. I like his bonds with the other PCs, particularly his relationship with Sam. But it is so reductive to treat him like he's the main character.

I get that a lot of fans see themselves in him and project onto him, and that's fine in a vacuum... but I think there's a tendency to project so heavily onto him that it affects their views of the other characters and events.

And I think that comes out in constantly seeing Evan as the victim in all situations-- and sometimes villainizing the other characters as a result. There's been a bit of drama about how at fault K is for killing him. I can see it from both perspectives. I still love K as a character, but I understand why Evan would hold a grudge, and I am excited to see what this drama means for the group dynamics. But the way a lot of people talk about K, how quick they are to villainize them, doesn't sit right with me.

Another thing that REALLY doesn't sit right with me since season 1 of mismag is the way that nearly every popular post about Jammer (and to a lesser extent, Sam) is about his relationship with Evan. There's this super popular post that's basically talking all about how good of a friend Jammer is, and how much they'd want to be his friend because of the way he treats Evan. I'm not trying to insult that post or anyone who liked/reblogged that post-- I totally agree with it. But it feels telling that the main "Jammer-centric" post still manages to resolve around Evan. Jammer's arc this season has been set up as tackling the ways he tries to be everything to everyone, and how he spreads himself thin as a result. It sucks to see his character in fanon relegated to "support", like he doesn't deserve support and appreciation for his own merits.

Also, I'll say it. Relegating two black characters to their supporting roles for a white character is racist. Relegating a nonwhite femme to their tumultuous relationship to the same white character is racist. It's racist. I'm not trying to come for anyone or call Evan stans bad people or anything-- but I need to recognize it for what it is. It might be unconscious, but it's still racism, and I really need people to understand that.

-

[fillingthescrapbook]

Let's Talk About: A Change of Plan

Not episode-related but… is anyone else seeing the yellow oval shape on the bottom right corner of their screen when they watch anything on Dropout's website?

That out of the way--

Brennan making Evan a long-backer was not on my bingo card… but it makes sense. Regardless of how Erika, Danielle, and Aabria feel about it. Evan's energy from the very beginning was giving plank-body.

And since we're on the subject of Evan-- I am definitely vibing more with this aggressive and allowed-to-be-angry side of Evan more than the poor little meow meow we used to get before. Like, sure, I get that he wasn't sad all the time during the first season, but the energy was there. He was a sad boy. And I am learning now that I really really do not like sad boys.

Last episode, I mentioned Erika as being exceptionally great at shrinking. I did say that Lou and Danielle were doing amazing jobs as well (although not with those words exactly), but this week's MVP is Danielle Radford. Those lines of improvised dialogue that were a mile-a-minute long were simply incredible. Impeccable. And that's not to mention how she had Sam react to Evan freaking out about the discovery of how he died. "Together. Alone. Not us." Indeed.

Oh and that small reveal about Sam's family life? I want to hug Sam (to)B(decided).

And then we get to Cocaine Sam. And having her be the one to greet Boudy-boots. Amazing. Exceptional. No notes. (Also: Cocaine has to be an integral part of the Never Stop system mechanics now, right?)

Now, I'm not gonna go through everything that happened one by one. I never do. But here are the things that really stood out to me this episode, and why Misfits and Magic Season 2 is winning me over from my…lack of enthusiasm for the first season.

Number one: The breaking of wands. Erika's was sort of an accident. As explained in the Adventuring Academy, Erika saw that a tiny score was made on her wand. To allow it to break more easily. This discovery helped inform her decision to break it "accidentally" in the previous episode. The other players then realized that all their wands had been scored. And that a mechanic has been put in place for when said wands were broken. A mechanic that has now been fully explained in this episode.

I love this mechanic. I love that it--whether intentional or not--is a symbol for breaking Misfits and Magic off from "the franchise." Because the wands have become so intrinsically linked to said franchise. Although, I must admit--from a sentimental point of view--it hurts to see them break the wand. Although, at the same time, I guess that's why it's so powerful. It's their link to the magical world. It's one of the first things that showed them their potential. Much like the franchise was for many of us. And it's become very important for us to break off that connection to see that there's more magic to explore. That we are not limited to the wands. And the brooms. And the familiars.

And oof. The familiars. Aabria caught me off guard with that reveal. Like the road we were walking on were paved with figurative bones but the confirmation still took me aback. Because funny season, ha ha! We killed a player's character. We killed a major NPC. And we're killing familiars. Funny!

That's not a dig at Aabria. I love what she did. One of the most affecting episodes of television I've seen in recent memory is from How I Met Your Mother. It had a visual gag of a countdown. And the whole episode was filled with mishaps that were propelled by humor and love. And then when the countdown reaches 1--it punches you in the gut. And you were warned. But you still didn't expect it. And it feels so bad--but it's done so well. That's what Aabria did.

And that brings me to my second reason why Misfits and Magic is beginning to win me over.

Aabria is handing us character progression that is steeped in gray morality. Characters who rubbed us the wrong way are learning to be better people, while still being their snotty selves. Characters we liked have found themselves getting lost not because they're inherently evil but because of inaction, because of self-preservation coupled with their avoidance to step out of their comfort zone. There's grace in the way Aabria shows the players how their friends have fallen. And I think it's beautiful.

So, yeah, I am coming around to Misfits and Magic. Will it beat both Burrow's End or A Court of Fey and Flowers as a better Aabria season? I don't know. ACoFaF is one of my favorite Dimension 20 seasons ever and Burrow's End is also pretty high up. So probably not. But will I look back on Season 1 more kindly now? Definitely yes.

Last two things I wanted to mention:

First, the sudden volume drop when Evan stopped yelling-- I can't imagine what the poor sound guy who got the full burst of Brennan's highest vocal had gone through. Thankfully, Sam Reich takes care of the Dropout crew well.

And last, when K responds with "maybe the Tumblr users are gonna help?" to Evan's diatribe? Oh, K. Most of us are already struggling with one thing or another and are paralyzed by bigger things. If we had wonky magic to deal with on top of that? Oh ho ho, K. Oh ho ho.

[ominous-horse-noises]

not done talking ab fhjy actually so i'll just say some of you guys who go on about how you could've done better themes and narrative arcs can't even think critically about the one in front of you.

i do wish that the other bad kids had interacted with their foils more this season because it was fun seeing them trade insults, but i also dont think it would've done much for them. i mean, people forget the tbks did try to turn reuben early on (they literally saved him from grix even though it was his fault he showed up trying to kill people). adaine thought oisin was cool and tbks were onboard with thinking maybe he wasn't that bad, and then he sent his grandma to murder them and their entire school. fabian tried to get an 'in' with ivy and it nearly cost him a genuine relationship with a character who had a way better chance of helping them figure things out without the risk of being betrayed. kipperlilly had an ego-driven hateboner for riz since BEFORE the rage stars and killed her own party member in cold blood just to stick it to kristen, and you're telling me that she could've been my little ponyied into giving up her chance to squash the symbol of all her inadequacy? buddy and maryann are the only rat grinders who havent fucked them over meaningfully and guess what? they're not thrilled about having to kill them- they're actively avoiding targeting them! almost like theyre capable of distinguishing between someone not on their side and someone who's proved to be a threat!

brennan made it pretty clear that trying to befriend trgs in their rage forms was futile and actively punished it ingame. you can have your opinions of that, but it definitely had a narrative point: if you get rage starred, you cant be 'this isnt youuuu'd out of it. you think ONLY of rage, and rage can't be reasoned with. it's arguably worse than death, bc at least someone can revivify you and there's no lasting consequences. think about how hard brennan was trying to push the ihs into taking rage tokens. he knew exactly how dire he'd made the consequences and that was on purpose. the season has no stakes if you can just talk your way out of being rage starred bc tbks could save each other easily. the whole climax literally can't happen if trgs arent being evil bc porter can't be a living god of rage without followers. tbks hating trgs isnt a flaw in the story: it IS the story.