#Being disabled sucks ass sometimes

[bloos-bloo]

I have a love hate relationship with the cold

On one hand- I don’t have to deal with the heat outside and I get to wear sweaters

On the other- My bones have been flaring up bad, like I mean baaaddd- My knees are crying

[aliosne]

When I started watching a LOT of horror let’s plays, I started noticing just how often wheelchairs are used as shorthand for horror in a way that is at best lazy and vapid and at worst just. Wildly ableist and misapprehensive of what wheelchairs actually mean to the people who use them. Like when I got around to rewatching Silent Hill 4 and it hit the corridor fulla chairs, I just burst out laughing bc it was the laziest, stupidest thing I’d ever seen like it was almost a transcendent moment of parody except. yknow. not.

if u consider yourself a horror fan you like NEED to be aware and educated on the ableism thats been put at the heart of so much horror. like... is that character actually scary or do they just have a limp/scars/disfigurement that real normal people have irl and have to see depicted as horrifying and dehumanizing? if you think any of those things or things like it are scary in ANY context you need to step away from the horror genre and familiarize yourself with the fact that people can and do look like that and they do not deserve to be an object of fear

[celestialmancer]

💢 //

[diedinflorida]

i've been on t for more than half a decade and i have wide hips. testosterone did not change that and i like my hips, but when i wear clothes that aren't baggy i get stared at. i mostly pass but in public i experience a lot of the same things i did as a teenage girl, like dudes in cars slowing down to stare at my ass. the thing that changed over time was that nowadays they go by me and see my face and get angry or disgusted because oh no, that's a man, i just did something gay!!

the attention was shitty before and it's shitty now. being creeped on as a young girl fucking sucked and being creeped on as an adult man with a "feminine figure" fucking sucks. it's kind of weird to me how my experiences in the world have both dramatically changed and stayed largely the same. sometimes i feel like a perpetual teenager, because people won't stop treating me like a kid, but also a kid they can sexualize. the misogyny never went away, it just morphed into a different form because society doesn't like when girls become men.

i get stared at all the fucking time. my body is always someone elses' business. if i dare to wear clothes that don't hide my hips, the way i look becomes instantly morbidly fascinating to people. i can only imagine how it is for trans and intersex people of color, for people who are disabled, for people who have higher autistic support needs than i do, etc.. it's awful.

to my fellow t guys, transmascs, and anyone who feels it applicable, those of us who will always have wide hips or other "feminine" features that the world we live in takes issue with: i see you and your body isn't anyone's business but your own.

[sapphicmsmarvel]

azriel crack headcannons!

im alive!

note: use of “tits” instead of “breasts”, i hate that word yall. 

-You love being mushy with him. Complimenting his eyes, his hands, his voice. He gets all blushy and squeaky and it’s so cute. 

-He activated cuteness aggression which confused him at first but he secretly loves how obsessed you are with him. (he’s never had anyone be so obsessed with him) 

-You both give each other flowers. The first time you gave him his own bouquet he was giggling and kicking his feet in private. 

-You have trouble trying new food, so he will let you try a bit of his meal if he gets something new. That way you don't “waste” (even though he has enough money to buy velaris at this point) money. Even if he insists you don't need to worry about money. 

-You like asking him insane questions. 

“How do you feel about me wearing revealing clothes in public?” 

He shrugged. “I can fight and you look beautiful in anything.”

“If i got a new piercing-“

“My love, it’s your body. But if you pierce your nipples i’m going to have so much fun.”

-You got your nipples pierced. You couldn’t decide on what jewelry to get. So you bought two pairs. One, for the healing process that were barbells with blue gems. 

For after, barbells with an ‘A’ on both ends of the jewelry. That man audibly moaned when he saw that specific piece of jewelry. 

-He has loud sneezes. 

-He’s afraid of spiders. 

-You two 100% gossip. 

-You’ll read smutty novels to each other in funny voices. This is the only way Azriel discovered that he can make an incredible high pitched voice. 

-He gets the zoomies at random times. You know it’s brewing when the shadows start to practically vibrate in the air. 

-If you have your hair up, he or his shadows will play with your baby hairs that escape the hairstyle. 

-Speaking of the shadows, they’ll just sit on your waist like a belt and just be part of whatever outfit you have on. Or a necklace (not in a kinky way you dirty birds) 

((but like, that too))

-Speaking of things being taken as kinky. He stretches you out. You have a disability that worsens when you don't do your daily stretches (sciatica nerve damage gang rise up) so he forces you to do them. 

-As in pins you down and forces your body to stretch out the nerve. 

“It’s almost like you like to be in pain.” He admonishes as he pushed on your glute. 

“I’m just lazy.” You admit. 

He smacks your ass, causing you to yelp. “Well, I don't like seeing my love in pain, so stop being lazy.” 

-He may be a stoic warrior, but he’s also a guy. He loves titties. 

-He’ll burrow into them when he’s upset. 

-When your cycle happens, your tits get sore and swollen. So he’ll massage them, suck on them, anything. 

-You wear lip balm a lot. You just have a thing where a tube needs to be on you at all times. He personally prefers when you wear a balm that’s vanilla or like a baked good. The minty balms he really doesn’t like the taste of.  

-Usually, he is the exact opposite of lazy. However, you’ve turned him into a lazy sunday morning man. Or really, any day he wants to sleep in, he does now. You’re just so warm and sweet and sleepy he can’t resist it! 

-You sprawl out in bed. You starfish over the entire bed if he gets up for the bathroom or water in the middle of the night. To get you back to your side, all he has to do is poke your side and you curl in on yourself. 

He giggles (yes, giggles) every single time. 

-He already is a mischievous man, but with you the silliness hits an all time high. 

-Random ass spankings, he bean dips you, when he works out wearing a shirt, he’ll take the shirt off and throw it at you. So you have a musty sweaty ass shirt coming at you. 

-You always call his shadows “little stinkers” and he loves it. 

-They’ll move things to higher shelves to force you to ask Azriel for help getting them.  

The man loves leaning over you, your sweet ass pressed against him as he reaches. 

-Sometimes, you’ll just stare at him and wonder how this beautiful man is yours. 

But that’s okay, because he stares at you the same way. 

[s1m0nth3swag]

Viktor Drabbles because I am literally just a girl (I am very much a guy.)

Just Viktor in season 1 being up too late and coming back to bed in the middle of the night, just snuggling up to you all cozy - he definitely gets more sleep because of you but his sleep schedule still sucks ass

His hair growing longer and he lets you play with it at all times because it calms him (gnawing at the bars of my enclosure)

His accent def gets heavier when sleepy, especially in the mornings!!

Having days where he struggles more with his disability so you make sure he's alright and get him coffee, or tea, or snacks just so he doesn't have to get up himself

(Specifically T4T, while I don't HC Viktor as trans, this is so sweet) Both of you have days that are worse with dysphoria and taking turns just encouraging the other, making sure the other feels valid (love goes out to all my trans siblings)

(Specifically Jayvik x reader) Jayce and viktor fighting while you're in the lab and you awkwardly stand right between the two because lord KNOWS the other will start being all huffy and annoyed if you take one SINGULAR step closer to the other one.

Just his hands. He def knows you like them (God knows I'd be holding his hand 24/7 if I had the chance) and makes fun of you a little (but he def thinks it's so sweet and adorable)

If you're taller than him, he has no issue using you as his personal cane. He actually prefers you over his cane because he has an excuse to hang onto his partner. If you're shorter than him, he still uses you as a cane, but just by resting his arm on your shoulder or head to tease you.

If you're like dressing up, he makes his best effort to give detailed compliments on your outfits (or makeup if you wear that) - definitely remembers all the little bits of fashion advice you drop (he has it written down in a little notebook)

If you like sport, even though he doesn't get it, he'll learn the rules of your favourite one just to watch it with you and get annoyed about the rules.

Type of guy to say that he isn't mad just disappointed after you hang out with Jayce fir more than 5 mins (it's playful but extremely funny thought to me)

My boy is insecure, not about himself but about what people might think of you because you're dating him, especially if you're from Piltover (in all honesty, he's only insecure about that sometimes, I mean he literally tried to excuse his break in by saying he was sneaking JAYCE into his bedroom.)

If you dislike someone, he 100% joins in on the gossip. He hears more than one might think, has the juiciest stuff on your enemies.

He gets that cute little twinkle in his eyes whenever he makes a breakthrough (if you're in the lab while he makes one he def demands a kiss for doing so well)

In conclusion, I love him!!!!

[mage-propaganda]

So many people miss the point of my original post and I’m tired of it so come clarification:

Yes, some guys suck. Some guys are really horrible people, who do horrible things. This isn’t news to anyone! Though it might be surprising for some to learn that there are women out there who suck, are terrible people, and do terrible things too. Neither of these things are the point!

If you’re dating a man, maybe don’t constantly shit on him for a funny little thing like ~gender~ which he can’t really control. A lot of people will make fun of and hate the old boomer mindset of “I hate my wife” jokes and then will turn around and do the exact same fucking thing to their boyfriends. It’s stupid! It’s annoying! And it’s extremely prevalent in the queer, more specifically bisexual, community (aimed at both bi men and women) to the point it can just be straight up Homophobic at times (why tf you shaming a bi man for having boyfriend instead of a wife??).

“Oh but Bees, I have trauma! I can’t help hating men and looking at the person I want as my boyfriend in utter disgust” then don’t date! Go to therapy, work on yourself! Don’t subject some poor dude to constant vitriol because you refuse to work yourself! I swear to everything good people on this app, and others, will shit on disabled people, and neurodivergent people, for being disabled and needing some extra assistance from their partners sometimes (something they often CANT help)… and then turn around and be like “but actually…my trauma means I can verbally abuse my boyfriend for being a man :/// thanks :///“.

There, now all the sorry-ass-joy-sucking motherfuckers can shut the fuck up!! Here’s clarification!! If you see happy gay couples, or a confident trans man in a healthy relationship, or something and feel the need to add a rant about your failed relationship with a dude (so they can’t be happy either) maybe pick up journaling or something! Get hobbies! Enjoy life! And maybe stop with all your bad takes!!

[hexname]

Are your fic reqs still open? If so could I please request a jayvik smut oneshot? (Preferably w sub!jayce but like not heavy bdsm sub/dom themes. Like Jayce is just submissive like that, yk?)

Bonus points if it’s a bit silly sometimes, since I imagine this being their first time together (s1 academy days). Like idk they lean to kiss each other but they crash their noses together and then start laughing. Like it’s all cute and kinda fluffy until Viktor praises Jayce and he starts whimpering 💀

Please tell me u see the vision 😭 Anyways yeah :3

Okay this turned out to be much more fluff than smut because it's mostly just foreplay, and it somehow ended up longer than 1k soo, yeah. I'm not sure if I pictured it right. I hope I did at least a decent job. If I had more time to write, I would have given ya'll a long ass oneshot, but I sadly don't, and I hope you can enjoy shorter oneshot of mine!!

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“Jayce, calm down, I’m all yours,” Viktor chuckled, feeling a pair of lips kissing every part of his face and neck they possibly could.

“And I’ll make sure you know it,” Jayce said, continuing with the same tempo he did before regardless of Viktor letting him know they have all the time in the world.

When kisses went lower and Jayce realized that Viktor’s shirt was a barrier that he couldn’t keep pulling down further, he hooked fingers under it and pulled it up without hesitation. Viktor allowed him to and went with the flow. That’s how they always are. They always go with the flow of one another, almost always a few steps ahead.

“Don’t you think we should be even? Outside of our lab partnership the same as we are there?” Viktor questioned once Jayce locked his lips on his chest and continued with his journey of marking Viktor in a way that only the two of them would know. Of course, Jayce will be back and even suck a few hickeys into Viktor’s neck if he allows later, to show everyone that Viktor is only his and his only, but that can wait. Now, he wants Viktor to know that every part of him is loved.

“Huh?” Jayce questioned, a bit confused by Viktor’s statement. But when Viktor did the same thing Jayce had done to him, when he hooked fingers under his shirt, he realized what those questions meant. Yeah, they should be even. Jayce should pull his shirt off and let Viktor see him as much as Viktor allowed him to see.

So, he did, in one swift motion. However, unlike Viktor’s shirt which he put aside and which stayed on the bed, his ended on the floor. He couldn’t care less if it went in some dusty corner. The only thing he cares about at the moment is Viktor, and Viktor only.

Kisses went lower, landing on Viktor’s stomach as Jayce gently held his leg up and unclipped the leg brace in two places, knowing how to do so since he made that same leg brace that Viktor had been wearing for so long now. With nothing more to keep the pants in place, he took them off just as swiftly as he did his own a moment later.

Viktor expected Jayce to go at it, to tease or simply just give in, and yet… Kisses continued, from his thigh to his damaged knee that Jayce would always take into consideration even if Viktor didn’t want him to. When they first started working together, it took Jayce a month to not jump and offer to do simple tasks for Viktor that Viktor claimed he could do himself. Even if he loves Jayce’s way of showing affection, sometimes it can feel quite annoying, especially when everyone else treats him like he can’t do anything that requires him to go from one place to another.

So when those kisses were pressed against his leg, Viktor couldn’t keep but comment, in the softest way he could, “I’m terribly sorry to inform you, but kissing my leg will not fix it.” Because it won’t. Perhaps kisses would work when he’s mad at him, but the same kisses won’t heal something as fucked up as his disability, no matter how bad Jayce wished them to.

Jayce wasn’t bothered, “I’m not kissing what needs to be fixed. I’m kissing what I love.”

The fact that Jayce said it without thinking, just straight-up answered in a heartbeat, shocked Viktor more than anything else did today. And today, a lot of things shocked him; Jayce’s clumsy confession, Jayce’s kiss that came out of nowhere, and Jayce’s way of leading him to bed. However, he’s not complaining. Everything that happened, happened as he imagined it would.

Before Viktor could say anything that would get Jayce to shush him up, he decided to shut him up himself by requesting, “Come and kiss my lips then.”

And Jayce did as told, just as he does every time, in the lab and in their relationship, just an hour ago the friendship that was destined to end and create space for something with much more affection and intimacy.

“You have no idea how much I waited for this,” Jayce mumbled against his lips between two urgent kisses that Viktor had already gotten used to. It wasn’t hard. Quite the opposite. It felt good, felt right. That’s all that was needed for him to go with the flow.

“Hm, tell me about it,” Viktor mumbled back with a smile on his lips as he gently nudged Jayce’s boxers down. In all truthfulness, Viktor wasn’t waiting for anything, was just hoping something would come sooner or later. He got lucky today. Very lucky.

As soon as Viktor pulled those boxers down and freed Jayce’s cock, both of their breaths started to become uneven. Yet Jayce was asked to talk. And he would consider himself a fool if he didn’t; “It’s been hard keeping my focus around you from time to time.” A confession in a whisper, a whisper so sweet and desperate that Jayce melting got Viktor to melt under his breath too.

“It has been very hard for you to take notes since all you were doing was drawing me, hm?” Viktor whispered in the softest way he could. He isn’t blaming Jayce for slowing their work from time to time, quite the contrary. It’s intruding. However, he does hope that giving Jayce what he wanted all along and loving him would get him to focus more on their working hours. When they get home, when there are just two of them, Jayce can do whatever he wishes to.

It was fascinating how even when they weren’t actively working, they would come up with ideas and talk about them, share their thoughts, and sometimes even write down what they realized could work to try out later in the lab. Both of them would be lying if they said this wasn’t something that got them to bond and think about each other every time Hextech was in question. And both of them would be lying if they said that each other’s intelligence didn’t play a part in their attraction.

“You’re just giving me more material to work with and more sights to draw this way,” Jayce said back, feeling Viktor’s hand on his arm that slowly glided down to his hand, initiating touch, wanting Jayce to make them even once again, to take the boxers off just the same he took Jayce’s.

And Jayce listened, hooked a finger under them, and pulled them down. That action was accompanied by his breath becoming much more unsteady, by his heart thumping much more than it did before, and by nervousness that came like a wave. A wave that held so much more than just anxiety; there was excitement, a fear of disappointing Viktor, an intimate feeling that he hadn’t felt with anyone ever before. So many emotions yet with the right person, Jayce didn’t mind.

“I am glad you are signing them since you are signing me as yours at the same time,” Viktor whispered, with one hand took Jayce’s once again and let him know that he was ready, and with another held the back of his neck and pulled Jayce as close as he could, just to press a kiss on his neck and add, “Now claim me. Claim me forever. Like I am your one and only.”

“You are my one and only,” Jayce breathed out, with his left hand took the small bottle of body oil that Viktor pulled up from God knows where, and brought it to his mouth, just to use his teeth and open it since the right hand was busy glazing over Viktor’s abdomen, here and there making contact with his cock, resulting in Viktor being affected just the same he was; now breathing heavily.

The preparation turned out to be better than Jayce expected. Both of them weren’t sure what they were doing, yet they knew how they should do it. That resulted in some clumsiness, more on Jayce’s side than Viktor’s. Out of lack of experience, he has been asking Viktor if he’s okay and if it feels good every minute or so, which was, if Viktor was asked, a bit much, yet still cute regardless.

To make it up to Jayce, Viktor set his attention on him, wrapped his palm around his cock, and gently stroke him as he worked him open. Not to lie, Jayce’s breaths and low grunts, the same as the shivering of his, got Viktor to relax and loosen up quite quickly.

In no time, they were kissing as Jayce aligned his cock with his entrance, gently pushing in and whispering sweet nothings into Viktor’s mouth. From ‘You’re beautiful’ over ‘You feel so good’ to ‘Is that okay?’

Everything was okay. More than okay. It felt great, felt perfect, felt like a dream that neither of them wanted to wake up from. Luckily, this was way too real to be a dream. Every single one of their touches was way too lucid to be one of their dreams.

When Jayce pushed another inch in after the tip entered, the breaths of both of them fell so short that they had to take a moment to adjust. Viktor had to adapt to Jayce’s width, and Jayce had to adjust to Viktor’s body inviting him further in. It was just so perfect, so intimate. He’s always been the type for physical touch so, now, that he has more than he thought he would, he had no idea how to act or what to do. That resulted in him questioning once again, “Is that good? Am I doing well?”

“You are doing more than good, my golden boy,” Viktor breathed out, “Now be a good boy, and don’t keep from giving me what you can. I am not made of glass to break.”

And when Jayce shivered at that pet name, when he pushed in much more confidently as Viktor ordered, when moans started to spill out of Jayce’s mouth, uncontrollably loud and desperate ones, Viktor realized how much that pet name had an effect on Jayce. God, he’ll abuse the shit out of those two words now that he knows. He’ll have Jayce melting over him, under him, anywhere he wishes with those two simple words.

They have so much more to explore. Not just in bed, but in their relationship overall. There are so many things that they wish to do together and will do later on, and so many unanswered questions that they would ask each other and get the answers to.

Their story began years ago, yet with this, with their confessions, the next chapter opened. A chapter that they will write together rather than separately like they did the first one, being each other’s crushes and all. Now, that their love isn't separatable, they will write together, just like they wrote all their notes together from the beginning.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I don't know uf this counts as ghosting but here goes. 😶‍🌫️

I had a friend group of real smart wise and creative folks, very professional and know everything about the world. We were friends for a few years until I hauled ass to therapy for my ADHD, and realized that I was not being treated as an equal in this group. I'm the only one disabled both ways and it takes me longer to create so my output is nowhere near as high as them, maybe that was a reason. I didn't ask.

What happened is the 2 leaders of this group had insisted that I join, that we'd have so much fun together. Then I ended up being the only one who was talking to them, they never started a conversation on their own since January 2023! My fanarts would go unnoticed, they'd ignore if I sent them news about shit like KOSA, they had their private jokes even. When we were chatting together they'd often ignore or shrug to my comments which felt weird too. I felt like a kid they were being forced to babysit sometimes but they were having a party when I was in another room.

I didn't think they were the socially anxious types at all, in public they're always talking big about good communication and how everyone else sucks at friendship. Naturally I was feeling unwelcome, then the therapist showed me proof of this shit hampering my mental health and job too. It seemed like the most peaceful way out would be to ghost them before softblocking, right?

Wrong, I didn't talk to any of them for a month, then softblocked 5 out of 6 people. The last one was closer to me so I was hesitant, but then she finally decided to send me a text after months asking why I was quitting the group. I tried to not get angry and told her it wasn't the right place or time for me. She said okay and if she could help she would. That is when I accidentally said that maybe treating a friend like you do want them in your life would have helped a few months ago. I said this partially because we have a favourite unpopular ship and these folks often assume someone has switched sides if they aren't actively talking about that ship, privately shading them too.

Anyways the last girl then said Excuse me? Do you not understand how busy we are? Sorry we couldn't cheer for you always but it's not like you were barred from talking to us? You didn't think we could have issues, or that we didn't want to bother you? You couldn't think beyond yourself?

She was still typing when I blocked her. I feel bad and I feel angry. Next therapy session isn't until next month so yeah

AITA for maybe misunderstanding and selfishly ditching friends who may or may not had liked me all along?

[ace-reviews]

WINTER 2024 ANIME RECOMMENDATIONS

I counted and there are 8.5 blonde ladies in either a lead or primary love interest role this season (8 if you count the one whose hair is sometimes black as half of one). Do what you will with this information. I only share it because it’s something that was ticking me off that I noticed.

Anyway, we’re trying out a new format this season: Instead of only recommending anime we’re not familiar with, we’re each picking one we are familiar with and one we went into completely blind.

ACE’S RECOMMENDATION #1: MR. VILLAIN’S DAY OFF

After the deluge of isekai that try to teach the importance of having a healthy work-life balance by having the lack of one kill off it’s main character in the first five minutes of the episode, it’s really nice to have something that teaches the same lesson by choosing to model what one looks like rather than killing anybody. It’s also got a lot of pandas in it, which is always nice.

ACE’S RECOMMENDATION #2: SENGOKU YOUKO

Satoshi Mizukami seemingly can’t catch a break with anime adaptations of his manga: Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer sucked and this one is being seriously overshadowed by all the other really good and/or long-looked-forward-to adaptations this season. (Planet With was an anime first so it escaped the curse.)

Anyway, please watch this and have your friends watch this and buy the Blu–Rays and have your friends buy the Blu-Rays so my dream of a (good!!!) Spirit Circle anime can someday come true.

---

CHARLIE’S RECOMMENDATION #1: SOLO LEVELING

(for the sake of our more sensitive readers, actual screenshots of the anime cannot be shown at this time)

If you like Cheat System anime, and don’t mind “a bit” of graphic violence (read: so much. There’s just so much violence.) , give this a shot. It’s based on one of the Korean manhua that made the genre what it is today, and as far as I’m concerned, they’ve done a good job being faithful to their source so far - they didn’t even give them Japanese names, you guys.

CHARLIE’S RECOMMENDATION #2: A SIGN OF AFFECTION

(adorable)

It’s cute, and disability rep is always a bonus. I like how they animated the sign language, which seems fairly realistic to me, someone who speaks no sign languages.

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FEN’S RECOMMENDATION #1: LOOKING UP TO MAGICAL GIRLS

This is a series I’ve been following since there were only five chapters out in the manga, so I would like to preface this recommendation by saying I’m the only one who’s actually right about it. I’m a veteran, a true soul who’s stuck with it for the past x years since it first released, and as such everything I say about it is valid and correct and anything people who aren’t as familiar with it says is complete horseshit pulled out of their ass. This is a factual statement.

Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete, which has been translated for the manga as “Looking up to Magical Girls” (correct) and by vile HIDIVE as “Gushing Over Magical Girls” (bad and wrong) is a trashy, over-indulgent yuri series for weird perverts that is good, actually, (genuinely), and if the adaptation manages to capture Onanaka Akihiko’s remarkably deft hand in weaving the series’ fetish gags with the story’s genuine moments of pathos and surprising character depth then the anime will also be good, actually.

Dude trust me.

FEN’S RECOMMENDATION #2: METALLIC ROUGE

This is an anime original series about super fighting robots on Mars doing a hitman shit on android rebels for the government and also yuri, maybe. ACAB includes Rouge Redstar, watch this show.

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BONUS RECOMMENDATIONS: DUNGEON MESHI AND ‘TIS TIME FOR “TORTURE,” PRINCESS

A recommendation to watch Dungeon Meshi is the most redundant thing on the planet this season, but even so you should still watch Dungeon Meshi. Also, Fen and I had a bit of a back-and-forth over who would recommend Torture Princess since it was something she was familiar with and something I had only heard of and I wasn’t going to recommend it because I thought she would and she apparently chose not to recommend it because she thought I was going to so take it as a recommendation both from someone who is and someone who isn’t familiar with Torture Princess to watch Torture Princess.

[steveyockey]

Thoughts on The Substance? I feel like i'm in the minority that found the profound lack of personality from Sue in favor of lingering ass-shots that didn't seem to have any sort of irony in terms of sexualizing a character in a movie claiming to be about beauty standards boring

my thoughts are now tainted by jourdain’s PHENOMENAL write up in reverse shot, my favorite bits being

as both a joke and a sincere gripe I’ll say that the movie lost me the moment margaret emerged with perfectly trimmed pubes—you’re going all out on female nudity but won’t give full bush? which of course proved to be emblematic of the film’s reluctance to give any of the real freaky stuff to the Young And Beautiful Actress, leaving demi to do all the heavy lifting and flattening the message of the movie to “yes old women are scary!! they have FLABBY SKIN!!!!” which nauseated me to the point of being fully prepared to write this off until the KNOCK OUT last 20 minutes of body horror that reeled me back in and made the price of the ticket worth it. the film is not very smart which is unsurprising because revenge wasn’t either (though now looks better since its step sister promising young woman is so evil). it also clearly thinks the audience is stupid since it doesn’t trust you to have clocked “were” on the card the first time. barbie for women who think they are too ugly to compare themselves to barbie, which is above all insulting to demi moore who remains incredibly sexy and on whose behalf I find it frankly insulting I’m supposed to tolerate her character flying off the handle over not having perky tits and glossy lips. you’re a smoke show! go out and ruin some marriages! on a related note I’m really excited for a different man which seems like it’s gonna be working in a similar space but with an actual understand that disabilities and deformities are part of human variance and sometimes you’re a loser because you suck and have a bad personality.

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

i love my mom but man does it suck when she starts talking to me about god shit. because it always leads to her trying to guilt trip me into being more religious, saying things like, “it makes your dad and i very sad that you don’t believe in god” and “you’re depressed like this because you don’t talk to god.” when i tell her that choosing not to go to church anymore is one of the few choices in my life that i don’t regret, she gets upset with me. sorry, going to go on a little bit of a rant about family and religion here (specifically catholic/christian), but i’ll stick it below the cut.

usually this convo comes up when my cousin is mentioned, because my mom and my aunt will gush about how my cousin goes to church every sunday. this happened today actually. they ignore the fact that my cousin is still a horribly spoiled, selfish, honestly terrible person who yells at/doesn’t bother to help her physically disabled, sickly mom. my “wonderful church-going” cousin who left to go on a vacation to hawaii with my shit uncle, leaving my aunt alone at home even though she had covid AND had recently broken her back. which led to me having to take 2 weeks off of work at the last minute to go stay with my aunt and take care of her. during those 2 weeks, my “wonderful” 20-something-year-old cousin would repeatedly call my aunt to cry and complain that she wanted to come home because she “didn’t feel good.” and my aunt, laying in bed with her broken back and various other health issues, would baby her. oh, but my cousin goes to church, so that means she’s such a good person! i just don’t get it.

one of the reasons i refuse to go to church anymore is because of this backwards-ass hypocritical way of thinking so many people there seem to have. there’s just this feeling of insincerity to it all where people show up once a week to pat themselves on the back for being “good people”, then gather in the lobby after mass to gossip about the one trans woman who recently joined the congregation (unfortunately this isn’t an example i made up). or later go to the supermarket and yell at an underpaid employee. or go on a hawaii vacation and leave your mom home alone with a broken back.

i attended church from age 1 to age 18. as i grew older, church started to feel more and more suffocating. it got to the point where i was having anxiety attacks during mass. i tried distracting myself with drawing on the pamphlets given out at the front door. and when i was banned from that, i resorted to drawing on my skin, which didn’t last long. i ended up sneaking earbuds in and hiding the wires under my hair and clothes so i could drown out the sounds of church with music. i would just stare at the floor and try to just focusing on breathing, but it was just all too suffocating. i was told that the reason i was feeling and acting this way in church was because “the devil was talking to me.” “the devil” was trying to take me away from church and god, so i needed to stop feeling like this and just pray. that time i started crying in the pew because it all became too much and i felt incredibly overwhelmed? that’s the devil. pray about it. uh, actually, mr. jesus, it was because i have bad social and generalized fuckin anxiety. and also very likely autistic but i haven’t been officially diagnosed until this day. so yeah.

thinking back on it now, it was kind of fucked up. but i don’t blame my parents for how they acted. sometimes i feel a little angry and disappointed about how they handled things, but i don’t blame them. because as i watched kids be baptized, i would hear the priest tell the parents that it was their responsibility to raise their kid to be a good god-fearing person. that it was their responsibility to keep their kid from “straying from the light” and avoiding damnation. i know my parents were told the same thing when i was baptized. that it’ll be their fault if i “stray from the light” and end up getting sent to hell. i just see it as guilt-tripping bullshit. it was my choice to not go to church or follow the religion. i hate that this system has told my parents they should feel guilty about this and that it’s their fault that my soul won’t be saved, because they didn’t “guide me in the lord’s way” good enough. i hate that this system has made me feel like i’ve failed my parents. it’s bullshit.

i’m sure there are churches out there who contain genuinely good, accepting folk. and i’m sure there are people who find comfort in having a religion. i’m glad for them. i’ve just personally have some negative experiences with religion and I’ve learned that it’s just not for me.

i try my best to be a good and kind person. i try really, really hard. i just don’t go to church anymore. the fact that i don’t do this one thing shouldn’t devalue all my efforts.

[butterflyinthewell]

Behind a cut so people don’t have to see me rant about my disabled, emotionally abusive dad.

So my dad fell twice in the last five days due to not listening to me and mom. He has Parkinson’s and if you dig through my posts you’ll see me talk about it, so I won’t go into it.

I don’t hate disabled people, just him. I don’t hate him for having Parkinson’s, I hate him for the abuse he inflicted on me and still inflicts on me with his disability as a crutch to get away with it. And I call out ableism when the problems we have with him are caused by the medical care system, because sometimes it’s not his fault.

But THIS situation IS his fault.

SO ANYWAY…

Last Friday, he fell because he wouldn’t stop rocking sideways every time he got up. He gets up with help and uses a walker, but he throws his weight around when he knows me and mom are two tiny women compared to a hulking huge man.

And he fell.

We had to call my aunt and uncle over to get his ass off the damn floor and onto his toilet commode so he could take a shit. Then they got him into bed. He claimed he was fine, and then on Tuesday he started griping that his lower back and buttcheek hurt on the left side. But he could walk and didn’t complain much after the initial gripe.

Today, he was all scrunched up in bed in a way that guarantees his back will hurt and made his pain worse, like I told him it would (and he wouldn’t listen to me).

Mom took him out into the living room and he fell on the way, AGAIN, because he kept rocking his weight around.

Now get this, he doesn’t throw his weight like that when therapists would come over. Dad will be an angel for them, but a nightmare for me and mom. He cooperates for professionals, but not family. He does everything in his power to make life as hard as possible for me and mom. I’m not kidding when I say that.

He goes to the doctor on Monday to find out what the fuck he did to himself, but it’s going to be a nightmare.

My birthday is coming up and of COURSE he does this right before it, and ruins any excitement I had.

Before you attack me for that, keep in mind that he pulls shit like this all the time. He knows everyone will be sympathetic to him while looking at mom and me like we’re evil for being exhausted, angry and burnt out.

The fact that we can’t afford to put him anywhere or get help into this house means we have no lives outside of caregiving. Every waking moment until we sleep is him and all his emotionally abusive bullshit, every day with no breaks, forever. He has ruined holidays, birthdays and plans because his only joy in life is making everyone around him as miserable as he is.

I’ve managed to eke out a few moments of joy here and there, but for the most part my life is a slog that never ends.

I laugh at the people who acted like COVID lockdowns were depriving them of life. I won’t deny that it was a traumatic experience, and this is not aimed at people who got sick anyway and now have long covid. This ain’t you, don’t worry.

But the people who acted so inconvenienced that their social lives got interrupted? Fuck off.

I’ve lived something like the COVID lockdowns for over a decade. No life outside of my house, no life outside of being a caregiver for someone who is sucking away all my compassion and love.

I can’t leave because I’m disabled too and all the legal shit is inaccessible to me.

I’m trapped, mom is trapped, and we are eventually going to die from the stress while he sits there yelling at us for not jumping to his every whim.

My only escape is writing fanfics and staring dead-eyed at my ipad screen, interrupted constantly by him demanding things.

I have accumulated so much trauma from him, and COVID, and mom having medical crises that were resolved, and my needs not being met, that I’ll be surprised to see 45. I will be shocked if I wake up alive on my 45th birthday.

I turn 43 this July 29, 2023, so yeah.

If I don’t die, my mom is going to, and if she goes we’re all dead.

I just hope I go first. Either heart attack or stroke will probably do it, but I don’t want to outlive her and be alone with him.

No child should be trapped as a caregiver for a disabled abusive parent, but it happens and nobody talks about it.

[fandomgalore-blog]

Just finished the series finale of Sex Education! I hate to see this marvelous show go, but all good things must come to an end. Here are some of my thoughts:

- This show had the best ending for all of the characters. The thing I admired most was how realistic it felt. Literally none of the oc’s ended up with anyone by the end of the show except Aimee and Isaac, Cal didn’t feel comfortable yet due to dysmorphia, Maeve will probably never know if her brother is okay, etc. I’m such a sucker for realism in shows when it’s done well, so I enjoyed that aspect

- Everyone had fantastic growth, but my favorite was definitely Ruby and the Groff men. Absolutely loved that they weren’t fully at their best potential by the end, but it’s obvious they’re trying, and I love them all for that

- I felt bad for Ruby and Maeve the most during the whole season. Both are facing loneliness in different formats

- I like that Maeve stood up for herself against the writing teacher

- I actually don’t like that a good chunk of the cast just straight up wasn’t there for the final season, but the show did a good job with the new characters filling in their spots

- This is a continuation of the first point, but I loved that Ruby didn’t end up befriending Otis by the end since she realized he’d always unintentionally make her feel bad about herself. Usually shows go for the happily ever after and enemies to friends thing, but this show kept it real. Good for you Ruby

- This show is really good at making antagonist. O pissed me off so much

-Loved Isaac and Aimee’s relationship a lot

- Adam was so adorable and so were his parents

-Such a sucker for the estrangement period Otis and Eric went through cuz that happens sometimes when two friends realize just how different they are

-Eric’s storyline was so much fun when it came to the whole Christianity Vs sexuality debate. I loved that they made god a beautiful black goddess (literally)

- Glad Viv got rid of that loser before it got worse

- I feel like we still didn’t get a lot of Cal, but that could just be me

- That was the most unserious yet serious funeral I’ve ever seen and that woman needs to be fired cuz how do you mess up the deceased’s name before the service in front of the dead’s daughter???

- I like the realism of Jackson’s father rejecting him. Sometimes the birth parents just don’t accept you. It sucks ass, but it’s something a lot of ppl unfortunately face when they search for their birth parent(s). Glad he has his moms at least

- This season made me realize how many enemies Otis has lol

- Watching Joanna and Jean’s scenes gave me life tbh

- I loved the protest for making sure the school provided proper care for disabled students. It’s ridiculous they didn’t fix the elevator or ensure deaf students are catered to when there’s alarms ringing, etc.

- The final scene was the perfect send off for this show

All in all, great season finale for a great show. I will miss this show with every fiber of my being, and I hope Netflix will create something as good as it in the future. I might add or subtract to this list, but for now, this is it.

[blackfairy312]

Songs of Disarray Cast so far (need to finish James' reference along with Harry and Mike (Mary's dad and brother)

askbox is closed right now because there are like 16 asks in there and i don't want to overwhelm myself so i'll slowly answer everything in my own time!!! mental health had been AWFUL. after my ex broke up with me i was stuck in a terrible bpd episode for weeks, and ultimately decided to cut myself out of his life for the sake of my own mental health. it's already a bad time of year for my PTSD (i had very intense flashbacks for a little while before i got my ned medication), and dawg don't even get me started on election day. america is fucking awful and i'm angry that people want to take away the rights of women and minorities. being a transgender mexican/black male in texas sucks ass. but i don't want to talk about it any more than i already have.

my motivation to do things has been very low, i think what the plan for Songs of Disarray is gonna be that i'll finish the character refs, maybe edit them, and work on the chapters last. i want the story to be GOOD and as a perfectionist i'm gonna be reworking stuff and constantly thinking of what exactly i want to do in this story (or how i want to write it). maybe in the far future i'll try to find a few artists to help me turn it i to a webcomic? i don't know cause i'm like mentally disabled and am having a VERY hard time getting a job, so if i were to hire an artist i don't know if i'd be able to pay them. i get like 40$ for weekly allowance and am not good at saving money.

anyway i also beat silent hill 3 for the first time (i played it once a long time ago and went back to play silent hill 2 to get all the endings, then my computer broke and i couldn't play either for a while). GREAT GAME!!!!! might replay it a few more times before moving into silent hill 4, which i am VERY excited to get to cause i am FASCINATED by the lore in that one. walter sullivan seems like an interesting character and i want to digest any and all lore about the order. after 4 i'll find a way to play 1, idk cause my laptop has 57gb of storage and i cant even download two games for my emulator 😭 i have to download one at a time and i have NO IDEA what is taking up 90% of my storage?????? its so annoying and i might have to get a new laptop if i want to continue playing emulated games but i like my current laptop, it works very well despite that (all the five nights at candy's games run perfectly on it, except fnac 1 remaster sometimes will have lag/framedrops if i'm clicking on the cams too fast, which happened a lot when i played null night but it didn't happen enough for the game to be unplayable. and i ended up beating null night anyway)

so uh yeah

[skaruresonic]

idk man I would have been just as happy with a Sonic Generations remaster without a Shadow campaign stapled on. >>Doom Wings have no narrative use because Shadow doesn't suffer in any meaningful way because of them. For all of fandom's claims that SxS Gens would deepen the character, his biggest problem is the wings are physically painful. But it's not as though they foundationally shake his view of himself like his existential angst over being a weapon of war in Battle; he simply goes "Cool, another weapon to bludgeon Black Doom to death with" and moves on with his life. Much character development, many depth, wow.

To rub salt in the wound, they control like complete ass? It's just a slower Super Shadow, and sometimes when it's egregiously bad, it reminds me of Rouge's gliding in '06. The concept would have been easier to swallow if it actually wasn't unwieldy, but nah.

>>The White Space music is so dire? Why is it so dire??? bro chill out? It's fine the first five minutes, but it drives me insane when it loops for the millionth time two hours in.

>>AFAIK, collecting all 80 pieces to complete Orbot and Cubot's spaceship does nothing. tfw the game is so peak it offers no incentive for fetch quests.

>>Unlike Gens vanilla, which gave you a choice of challenges to unlock Boss keys, in SxS Gens you must complete all missions in order to obtain Boss keys.

Granted, you only get about 4 missions per boss, but the fact that progress is locked behind mandatory challenges makes the experience feel more constrictive. You don't like a certain mission Doom Surf challenge my beloathed? Get bent, I guess.

>>Radical Highway Act One was the only point in the game where I found any real enjoyment because the mechanics were pared down. Coincidentally, your Doom powers are disabled in this level, forcing you to rely on Chaos Control and Chaos Spear. Reducing the gimmicks made the experience more streamlined, which let me consider the application of my moveset in greater depth.

I strongly feel that had ST instead channeled their focus into structuring the level design around creative uses of Chaos Control and Chaos Spear instead of scattering them across several Doom powers, the gameplay experience would have been a lot more enjoyable.

>>Outside of character interactions, which were tbh the best part of the game, SxS suffers from a general lack of whimsy. Everything is so ~srs bsns~ in tone that it almost suffocates.

There's a little ironic humor to be found in the fact that Shadow goes "no. perish" when Mephiles screams that he wants to exist, but I doubt that was intentional.

>>"Somehow, Black Doom returned" is an actual plot point. Don't question it. Shut up.

>>The boss fights suck ass. I'm sorry but they do. Every single one, I was like, "Thank God that's over."

>>Bosses are placed in odd, incongruent locations; Mephiles is found in a cave under Chaos Island while you encounter Metal Overlord in Kingdom Valley. Although Gerald handwaves this as spacetime instability, that's not how White Space functioned in Sonic Gens.

>>No, Patrick, stapling a Surfer Blooper gimmick to Metal Overlord doesn't suddenly make his fight peak boss design.

>>The one boss fight it would have been thematically appropriate and germane to include from a gameplay perspective, SA2's vs. Sonic? Just a cutscene. Even if Shadow needed to "lose," surely ST could have rewritten a Shadow win so that Sonic manages to get ahold of the fake Emerald anyway. Shadow could have done something as simple as said "Fine, take it. Clearly you need it more than I do."

>>You're gonna make the campaign a crash course on Shadow's history but not include Shadow androids, even though they'd have more reason to exist in White Space than Mephiles? I am disappoint.

>>While the White Space dialogue is pretty much the game's only draw for me, a few of Omega's lines are still a little wonky. For some reason they felt it appropriate to have him say he and Shadow showed Metal "mercy" after Sonic Heroes. He also gives this jargon-filled speech on his power source, which based on context clues makes me think he's powered via Chaos Drive.