#Because everyone thinks animation is super difficult so they’re more likely to go wow!! I can’t believe you animated this! Wow!

[janamensch]

Xiiki!!! She’s my favourite, is it obvious?

[etherealluminescence]

Brothers + the now dateables with an MC who just can’t remember names that are like three syllables or more so they just refer to everyone by their nicknames. The mc is still new and does it and when someone says anything they’re just like “it’s your fault for having a long ass name”

I finally return to writing headcanons wow that only took me a year am I right? Ahahaha I had nearly 200 followers and I’m laughing cause I’m slowly watching them leave me. 😎😭

Jokes aside I’m doing MUCH better after resting for a long time. Mentally and physically! So here you go.

Warning LONG aha aha 🥺😭 I feel like this is shorter than my usual ones. I got to get the hang of it again.

Brothers + Dateables with a GN!MC who can’t remember long names HC

Lucifer

When you were summoned to the devildom, you were pretty confused and filled with a lot of questions. Naturally, you’d refer to the people you were calling out to by name, but for some reason you just couldn’t remember them.

You finally found Lucifer, Diavolo, and Barbatos in the hallways, and approached them to ask a question. You forgot their whole names, but figured since you’ve got the first parts of each, that was good enough.

“Ah Luci, about the tasks for this week, what exactly does this part mean? And Dia, when do you want my report?” You asked them.

Lucifer was pretty mortified. He was also pissed. Did you just call him Luci? And more importantly, did you just cal THE lord Diavolo some kind of stupid nickname?

Diavolo on the other hand was laughing at the nickname you gave Lucifer. You were being scolded by Lucifer, and Diavolo was about to pipe in before you said, “It’s not my fault you have a long ass name, like damn, I could write the entire report by the time I finish saying your name.”

Lucifer is really angry at your behaviour at first but since Diavolo is fine with it... and then he soon realizes you literally can’t remember any of his brothers names with more than three syllables too.

He’ll probably try to give you food or drinks that help with your memory, and eventually finds you calling him Luci cute. Will immediately get angry if anyone else tries to call him that.

Mammon

Mammon was one of the first people you met, and one of the brother’s whose full name you can actually remember. He takes great pride in that!

His name was the first his human remembered and knows by heart! Of course! He is The Great Mammon.

Also kind of sad he doesn’t get a cute nickname! Please give him a cute nickname, he wants to feel special too, or very close to you, he craves contact and affection.

The first time he heard you refer to Lucifer as “Luci” he almost lost it. Thought you were going to die and tried to pick you up and run. So surprised when Lucifer only sighed, and responded to your question.

You had to explain to him you can’t remember names that are long, and his is one of the only so far you can remember. When you refer to Diavolo as “Dia” he just genuinely wonders how you do it, like aren’t you scared?

Well it’s not like it matters! You have The Great Mammon to protect ya’ AND you remember his name, it’s a win for him!

Leviathan

Originally Levi thought nothing of it when you referred to him as Levi, as that’s just what everyone else did. But then he started to notice you’d even refer to anime characters or idols as shortened nicknames.

You could pronounce Ruri easily, so he didn’t notice at first since Ruri was all he talked about, but when he said “Azuki” you kept calling her “Azu” or “Zuki”. He wondered why that was an asked.

You explain to him you just can’t remember “long ass fucking names” and anything with three or more syllables was a chore to remember, so there’s no way you were going to remember Azu’s name.

Finds it kind of sad for you, and difficult to understand what character you’re talking about. One time you kept saying a character from “that one show” and kept pouting while Levi’s head was grinding 3000 gears cause there’s at LEAST 5 characters that start with “Saku” like are you saying Sakura? Which!?

Scared for your life when you refer to Lucifer or Diavolo by their shortened names. Surprised to find out you’re completely safe. Soon comes to a realization you’ll just never be able to remember almost anyone’s name, no matter how hard he tries.

He drills it into your head about a certain character will a three syllable name but after the six hours of listening you just... forgot. Like literally the show’s name has the character’s name in it and you just forgot. Cue Levi sighing and calling you a normie.

Satan

One of the lucky three people spared from you forgetting his name. He didn’t realize it at first since Mammon, Levi, and Beel were all their names or family nicknames.

And then it clicks when you called Lucifer by “Luci”, in front of everyone, at dinner. You just said “Luci please hand me the salt” and Satan stared at you wide eyed.

Were you taunting Lucifer, or did you just have a death wish? Wait neither? You mean THE prideful lucifer just handed you the salt without a retort, or question why you called him that?

Questions you later afterwards about what was up about it, and when you tell him you don’t remember “long ass fucking names” it sort of clicks. Still sort of surprised that Lucifer isn’t pissed at you.

Will research human memory because he doesn’t think it’s normal. Like you can remember words with more than three syllables, but why not names?

Will DEFINITELY make fun of Lucifer for it. “Oh, how was your day, Luci?” And will also flaunt about how you remember his name but not Lucifer’s.

Also, like Levi, kind of sad you don’t remember the name of his book characters and just call them by their physical traits because at that point he doesn’t even know who you could refer to by his thousands of book.

Asmodeus

Asmo finds the nicknames extremely adorable!! Probably makes it a trend on social media to start calling everyone you know cute nicknames.

He didn’t think much when you called him Asmo, but hearing you call Lucifer as Luci, Diavolo as Dia, and Barbatos as Barb or baby just had him smitten.

Definitely wants to use cute nicknames too, but Lucifer is threatening him. After finding out that you physically cannot remember names with three or more syllables, including Asmo’s full name, he feels kind of bad for you.

It must suck not to know the whole name of the world’s most beautiful man! And why he starts hearing you call Simeon “Simmie” or Solomon as “Solly” he definitely steals it and copies you.

Diavolo is happy too to have someone else call him by a casual nickname, and hopes it catches on, much to Lucifer’s dismay.

Will probably want you to call him something even cuter instead of Asmo, as your own special privilege, like “Azzy”. He gets to give you a cute nickname too, though.

Beelzebub

Beel didn’t really notice at first, until Asmo and Satan pointed it out. He asked you if you remembered his name, and you just gave him a blank look and said “Beel, I love you, but you have a long ass name, and that’s not my fault.”

He doesn’t really care though, since you still know his nickname! But he is kind of worried for your memory. Are you okay, can you still remember other words? Do you remember the names of his food orders?

Has introduced you to his gym friends but you for the life of you, cannot remember any of their names. Finds it sort of funny how you just remember them as “leg guy” or “treadmill user”.

If anyone gets mad at you for shortening their name he will stand up for you! Baby understands that you just have trouble with remembering, and will defend you.

Belphegor

Finds this shit fucking hilarious. He’s often called Belphie, which you remember, so it’s not like it applies to him that much.

Kinda pissy how you can remember Mammon’s full name and not his, but there are benefits. He starts calling Lucifer “Luci” from now on and taunts him for being weak to a human.

Finds it funny, too, how you just tell people “your name is too fucking long” and call them by their first syllable or something similar.

He’s not really concerned about why you can’t remember names, okay maybe at first, did he kill you too hard? No? Okay.

He probably thinks you’re like him, can’t be assed to remember people’s shit names at times and remembers them based off looks.

Sleepy baby just wants to nap with you, names aren’t important.

Diavolo

The prince of devildom is extremely powerful, frightening, and no one would dare look down on him. He’s always used to people being formal with him, or trying to get on his good side.

However, one day, this small weak little human came into his realm and didn’t even care to remember his name. It entertained him a whole lot to say the least.

Diavolo doesn’t have a lot of people who’d be casual with him, so hearing you call him “Dia” for the first time made him really happy! He would love to hear you say it more often, and to be super casual around him.

When Lucifer or Barbatos tried to correct you and tell you to use his whole name, you only responded with, “No one has time to say his whole ass fucking name. I’m just gonna call him Dia.”

He’s amused, it’s so daring and bold of you to say that to some of the most powerful demons. Of course, if they continue to pester you about it he would step in and tell them that’s it’s fine and he likes it.

Diavolo also finds it super funny how you can’t remember anyone’s names and just shortens them. He might start calling Lucifer “Luci” too!

Other demons probably look at you like you’re crazy, for addressing their demon lord that way.

Barbatos

Barbatos is pretty stoic, but whenever you call him “baby” you can see a faint blush on his face. He isn’t used to nicknames or affection, so when you give it to him, he’s unsure how to react a bit.

He already knew you couldn’t remember names, and would be fine with you calling him “Barb”, which you did in public. But when it was just you and him, or when you were with the others you’d call him “baby”.

“You have a long ass name so I’ll just call you baby. You’re cute like one. Not to mention, it sounds like Barbie which sounds like Barba- what was your name?”

He is pretty fine with it, except when you call Lord Diavolo just as “Dia”. It’d be fine in private or with the others, but did you really have to yell out “Dia” in front of a bunch of lesser demons?

Overall, he just doesn’t mind. Will probably give you a list or notebook of everyone’s names, and physical traits. In case you forgot who was who based off names again.

Solomon

Ah yes another exchange student! Hope he can get close to you. Okay, maybe calling him “Sol”, “Solo”, and “Solly” is a bit too close for someone you just met right?

When you explain how you just physically cannot remember names he kind of laughs at you and then realizes you’re serious. He knows some people have trouble remembering names, but wow, this was sort of unique. You can remember his first two syllables, why not just one more?

He gets used to it fairly quickly, though. Prefers if you call him “Solo” over the other nicknames, but finds it sort of cute when you call him “Solly” or “Sol”.

He will definitely use a nickname with you and call it a human thing, to try and make everyone else jealous.

The man with at least 5 60+ pact marks, the man who is an amazingly powerful sorcerer, the man who is labeled Devildom 2021’s “sketchiest” individual, is called “Solly”.

When he asked the reason to why you suggested Solly you just responded with “Reminds me of Sully from monsters inc”.

Simeon

Simeon is a really nice person so he first figures you’re just being really nice and want to give everyone nicknames! And then he soon realizes you literally just cannot remember names.

He finds it sad how you can’t remember the name of his characters, or how you’ll never actually remember his full name, but really finds it cute how you’ve given him a nickname!

You call him “Sim” or “Simmie” and he’s soft for it. Will probably give you a nickname like “my sheep” or “my lamb”. He’s silently hoping Luke too, will call him Simmie. He gives off the energy of a grandparent.

He will try his best to help you remember names, but he won’t try to force you to remember! If you can’t remember, you can’t. That’s completely fine. Don’t stress yourself about it.

Luke

He has a one syllable name, so he doesn’t experience this personally. But hearing you call Simeon “Simmie” or Solomon “Sol” makes him feel a little left out and confused.

Why do you call everyone by a nickname? He wants one too! He overhears you though one night. You were explaining to some demon whose name had like five syllables that you just can’t remember long names.

Oh! He’s suddenly really happy again. It means you know his name, and won’t forget it! Also feels sort of bad for Simeon and Solomon, since you’ll never remember their names.

Will be happy if you call him “Lukie” before realizing it makes him sound like a child.

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “I Was A Teenage Abomination”

So if you read my previous review you know that I didn’t like the last episode. That scene of Eda and King mocking Luz almost made me drop the whole show, but the lesson at the end convinced me to to give the show another chance especially since the season just started. Good thing I did because wow did the show deliver.

I’m not the biggest fan of the magic school trope, but I can see why people use it. The most common settings for fiction are schools, homes and work places because they all force people to come together and interact. And while I do think all magic schools look alike (almost all of them) because they’re just castles, I don’t know if Luz, Eda and King can carry an entire show by themselves. A school would force new and different characters in. Variety is the spice of life as they say. What Luz needs is more people her age to bounce off of and we got them.

The episode starts hilariously with The Owl House fam at the beach collecting crap from a dead giant ass slug. It’s when Luz suggests that she might some actual witch apprenticeship in her...witch apprenticeship that Eda accidently lets it slip that magic schools are a thing that exists in The Boiling Isles. BTW, if everyone could do magic on The Boiling Isles, wouldn’t magic school just be called school or is there a separate school system where magic is just an elective you can opt out of? I’m thinking too hard.

Luz decides that being knees and elbows deep in garbage isn’t for her and walks off to find our first new friend, Willow.

Willow is just a little sweetheart. Friend to all plants, kind of a pushover, but kinda really not. She lets Amity walk all over her but that could be just because of their past history together. But as soon as Amity is out of sight, Willow lets the anger flow through her like the Emperor’s dialogue in a Star Wars movie. Also looking back on this episode, it’s so weird to see Willow wearing the abomination purple uniform. I guess because she wears plant track green for the rest of the season that seeing her in her old uniform is unnatural or something.

And here comes the spice of life, baby. When I first heard about Amity I didn’t think twice about it until I heard that she was going to be voiced by Mae Whitman. Freaking Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Yuffie from Kingdom Hearts 2, April O’Neil from TMNT 2012, Rose/Huntsgirl from American Dragon Jake Long, Tinker Bell in...Tinker Bell and Roxy from the live-action Scott Pilgrim movie. I had to see it. And wow. She’s so good at being such a bitch. It’s delightfully mean-spirited. But I think if you compare her performance here to later episodes (especially her first lines) you can sort of hear how Mae Whitman finds her groove to become Amity. Kinda like when you hear Marco Diaz in Star vs the Forces of Evil in the first episode and then in the last episode. But that’s nothing new.

My first impressions of the character were that she was going to be a Draco Malfoy clone, especially after how she put down Willow. Also this filled out enough Harry Potter tropes to make me think that they were going to go down a checklist or something. That’s just the way the world is now. Someone says magic school, first thing you think of is Harry Potter.

Luz has seen enough hentai to know where this is going!

But seriously back to the episode. Willow is surprised to see a human on The Boiling Isles and we see Luz pull her first scheme to help Willow: dress her up in as her abomination and sneak Luz into the school. Willow gets a good grade and Luz gets to see the school. Easy peasy, one two three-sy.

Another thought that I remember having when I first watched this episode was what the H is an abomination? I’ve known people to use the word when they don’t really like something but other than that I have no clue. It’s not the Marvel villain, and it’s not something that causes a feeling of disgust. It’s not even a biblical reference. I checked. It’s more like a golem, but whatever. It’s Dana’s fantasy world. So it’s not really a reference to anything.

And then we have our other friend, Augustus. A supposed human expert who thinks Luz should’ve had gills. Luckily Luz knew an Augustus in the human world that everyone just called Gus, so new nickname. He’s...smaller than the others but we find out in a different episode that he’s actually younger than everyone else and skipped a grade. He’s smart but still a kid.

“Boy, let me tell you what!”

Luz helps Willow get a good grade and this pisses off Amity something fierce because she’s (in this episode) the kind of person who needs someone who she knows she’s better than to feel good about herself. But we find out in a later episode it’s because she’s a stickler for the rules and abhors cheaters. (That’s a good word, abhor.)

Amity’s freakout at the cafeteria gives her an opportunity to call Principal Bump into the situation, but I’m still stuck on Luz being excited over a PB&J. LIke seriously? What has Eda been feeding her? Or not feeding her? She knows her has to feed Luz right? Humans gotta eat too. I have concerns.

Yeah no, your ass would be fired.

Bump tries to bump (lol I’m funny) Luz and it’s out that she’s not an abomination; she’s an intruder. The climax happens which is fine, but Luz punching out abominations reminds me of my argument on why zombies aren’t scary. I mean, if they are decaying flesh how would they have super strength or any strength? It makes no sense. If abominations are just walking piles of goo how would they have super strength? Magic? Is that gonna be your answer to everything?

“Curse you Boiling Isles public school system!!!”

I forgot to mention the B-plot with King and Eda and I really like it. I love the comedy in this show and the B-plot has all of my favorite jokes in this episode. I just get upset talking about it because I know some asshole is going to call it filler. I remember a time where “filler” was used to refer to anime only episodes or story arcs that were produced to let the manga catch up with some more chapters. Now everyone uses it to refer to stories they don’t like. Not stories that don’t further the main plot, but stories they don’t like. 

Animation is difficult and takes a lot of time and money. If they do something, they do it for a reason. If it doesn’t further the plot then it develops the characters. It’s okay for a comedy to just have an episode that tells jokes. That’s the point of a comedy, to be funny. It’s okay if an action show just wants to do a fight scene or a set piece. That’s what action does. But I know some dipshit is gonna reblog or reply and argue with me about what filler means or what it really means and yada yada yada. Free tip, do that and I’ll block you because this is my blog and I can do that. Also, fuck you.

“I have no son!” My favorite line of the episode.

The episode ends a little too neatly with Willow telling Luz that everything was resolved offscreen. Willow is now in the plant magic track. Amity is begging Bump for a good grade, and Luz is banned from Hexside. For now...

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it!

This episode was a bunch of fun. It was super funny, introduced some great characters and saved my interest in the show. I knew I made the right choice to give this show another chance and it paid off. I wondered why they would introduce the school only to have Luz be banned but I just figured we would have more sneaking in scenarios. Egg on my face, huh?

Still this episode was a great time and I couldn’t wait for the next one.

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[mcmactictac]

Some of my favourite quotes from random media I enjoy! (I wasn’t super specific with my sourcing, but if you want to check out any of the source material I find them all really interesting!)

“ ‘You can’t unsee this’

he told himself.

‘This is not allowed in the life you’re living’

he told himself.

I want so much more”

(Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stievfater)

I absolutely adore Maggie’s writing style. The use of italics and spacing on the page to convey emotion is something I see so rarely, and yet find so refreshing. Something about that moment of Declan finally breaking free and going no, I want more than this is so refreshing. Especially for someone who constantly puts the needs of other people above himself, him making a clear choice to finally put what he wants first was something really interesting to me.

“In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of strength.”

(Avatar the Last Airbender, the good animated show, not the movie)

There are so many amazing quotes in this show, but this one really stuck with me. I think when it comes to dealing with our problems, everyone just wishes other people could fix them so they wouldn’t have to deal with it (a totally understandable and valid feeling). Although having a good support system is great, not everyone is always able to have that. Sometimes you have to rely on yourself to provide that motivation, that hope to push yourself through it. Giving hope to yourself when you are struggling is something that is incredibly difficult for most people, which is why I liked how the show acknowledged how challenging it was. It recognizes the strength it takes to be your own source of light, which was really nice to see (especially from a kids show)

“The thing about leaving something for the last time is that you rarely realize you’re doing it”

(The Candymakers by Wendy Mass)

This book has been a personal favourite of mine for a long time. This line really struck a chord with me, and I don’t think I really understood it exactly the first time I read it. But after COVID, and losing so much, I feel like this is something that can be relatable to many people. So much was lost so quickly, and we really had no idea any of it was coming. Especially for the high school seniors in 2020, they left school for the last time not realizing they would never go back. I find this quote has more of an impact once you’ve experienced that feeling of loss, and wishing you had appreciated things more since you didn’t realize it would be the last time you would get to experience it.

“I’ll make mistakes, but my own and it frees me”

(The Lightning Thief, but the Broadway musical not the book)

Something about this line was really special to me. Acknowledging that making mistakes is a part of growing up, it’s a part of life and it isn’t bad. It also acknowledges that the mistakes you make are because of you, not anyone else. You have the freedom to choose whatever you want and take whichever path you desire. Knowing that you’ll still make those mistakes, but it can finally be for something you deem worthy and important and not something trivial. This line should be stressful, but it just feels filled with hope instead. It doesn’t fill you with dread of your regrets, but instead fills you with hope and excitement instead.

“It was this. This moment, and no other moment, and for the first time that Gansey could remember, he knew what it felt like to be present in his own life”

(The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater)

This is one of my favourite scenes of a book I’ve ever read. This whole chapter was absolutely magical, and filled with so much life and happiness. I always love a Gansey POV, but it was so nice to watch himself relax and have a “normal life” for a night. I loved the use of “present in his own life”, I think it’s a wonderful way to convey a feeling that’s so hard to express. It’s even hard to capture how the quote makes me feel, there’s just so much genuine happiness and peace within it.

“If nothing ever changed, there would be no such thing as butterflies”

(The Candymakers by Wendy Mass)

I really do love this book. It takes such a positive outlook on so many difficult things. Change can be scary, but it can also be beautiful and create incredible things. Change is how we get good things in our life and I think so many people are terrified of it. I love the simplistic way it puts a positive spin on such a complicated topic. I think it’s important for people to see that change doesn’t always have to be bad and can make things better than before.

“When they’re gone, it will hurt. But that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.”

(Supernatural, season 15)?

OUCH. I love how this looks at pain and loss in a different direction. So often pain associated with loss is seen as the absence of something and it was cool to see it portrayed more positively. Instead of looking at something and seeing all you’ve lost, it’s being reminded how much you cared about it and the experiences that developed that deep care. It’s seeing all you had, instead of thinking about how much you lost.

“To be human is to move forward, to adapt, to believe in your ability to make things better. That is the only way to make the pain and sacrifice mean something.”

(Supernatural, season 15)?

This one hits hard. We all suffer so much, and keep pushing forward, doing the best we can to make it all worth it. If you get trapped in that loop of negativity, It will be really hard to move forward with that mindset. Hope is one of those characteristics that makes us human and without hope for something it’s hard to find satisfaction. Even if it’s something small, like hoping a store has the item you came looking for, or something larger like hoping we can fight harder against climate change. These things add value to our lives, and although they can provide disappointment, they can also bring joy.

“ ‘What am I without you?’ ‘Yourself.’ “

(Dream SMP, the disc finale)

Wow. Especially for all of the people out here who have always been part of a duo, where it’s the two of you together so often, people start to treat you the same. You link your sense of identity in with that person, and it becomes a large part of who you are. But I love the way that Tubbo responded to this, simply going “yourself”. It’s such a foreign concept to people who are super close with another person, to be seen as separate from them. Ultimately if you take it all away, Tubbo is right. You are your own person, separate of the people around you and you have the freedom to be whatever you want to be. I just think it’s a good thing for people to hear, and be reminded that although the people they surround themselves with can be major parts of their lives, underneath all of that they are still their own person.

[writefightandflightclub]

I dare ya (Poe Dameron x reader fluff)

What is this? #8 of 14 prompt requests for my now semi-distant 500 follower celebration (sorry that they’re taking me an age to complete)!

Prompt / summary: “You dared me to!” + “I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” + fluff + regular!Poe.

One fateful night, Poe dares you to kiss him, but he never expected you to actually do it!

Author’s note: I wasn’t super imaginative with this one (not through lack of trying). Hope you like it though! Finn and Rey make a rare appearance too!

Word count: Just over 2k Warnings: casual alcohol consumption; too many POV shifts; typos, probably.  GIF credit: @starwarsfilms​

Poe’s eyes are closed, his eyelashes splaying out like soft fans, his full lips puckered, and his strong jaw angled towards you. He’s awash with the glow of the soft firelight, the dancing flames picking out the contours of his artful, gorgeous face. It’s a delicious sight, and it makes you forget yourself. You forget where you are. Forget that you probably shouldn’t kiss him. And so, you can’t help but oblige him and move in for the kill.

“Woah! What the kriff!” Poe exclaims as your hot lips brush tentatively against his, apparently, much to the shock of him and all of your friends, judging by the audible ripple of surprise which spreads around the circle.

You recoil as soon as you have any hint that your affections may not be wanted, a hot flush of embarrassment creeping up your neck. “You dared me to!” You exclaim, defensively. Suddenly, he has you wondering if you are more tipsy than you’d realised. Why else would you be so daft as to oblige him and lean in like that, in front of everyone?

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” Poe waves his hands around in disbelief, his palms up like he’s balancing plates, his cheeks darkening with embarrassment.

Yikes. You had to mess things up, didn’t you? He wasn’t being serious. And you had to go and kiss your kriffing Commander. Can the ground swallow you now and take you away from this mess?

Sat up on the hill with the gang, you were engaging in a rare night off to celebrate a recent victory, the occasion paired with a circling bottle of fire whiskey and some increasingly juvenile behaviour. The game of truth or dare had certainly escalated when Poe dared you to kiss him. Well, now that you’ve screwed up, you are very quickly sobering up, the party mood ebbing swiftly away from you.

Desperately trying to find a way to backtrack and mask your humiliation as all eyes converge on you, your mouth opens and then closes wordlessly. It feels like an age since anyone else spoke. Has silence ever lasted this long before in the history of the universe? You force a thin and unconvincing laugh. “Then why in Maker’s name did you dare me to?”

“I dunno, I thought you would chew me out, like anyone else who flirts with you. Or that it would be kinda funny to watch you squirm.” He defends, his voice escalating in pitch. “I didn’t really want you to kiss me!”

Oh, wow. His final words are like a punch in the gut. You’ve had a devastating crush on the pilot for a long time now, so you can’t help but bristle at his words. Can forgive yourself for the ache which blooms in your chest, dragging the corners of your lips down and birthing jewelled tears in the corner of your eyes. That’s it then. After all this time you’ve wasted wondering, he has finally rejected you. He doesn’t want to kiss you. And worse, everyone heard him say it.

It takes everything you have not to cry right there. You manage to postpone your tears, at least. Smooth your face just enough to enact your swift exit. “You know what? I’m tired. I might just go to bed, guys.”, you announce to a sea of tipsy and disappointed faces. Maybe they’ll finish off the rest of the booze in your absence and forget your mistake by morning. You can hope. 

The rest of the group groan in protest and reach their arms out to you, beckoning you to stay. But all Poe gives you is an indifferent “okay.”

Really? Really? He’s actually going to add insult to injury? You scoff lightly at him, shaking your head, not believing quite how oblivious he is as to how much he’s hurting you right now.

You wave to everyone and Rey and Finn jump up to give you a quick farewell hug. “Do you need me?” Rey asks pointedly - the only one of your friends who knows how much you pine hopelessly for the Commander. In hushed tones, you convince her that you just want to be left alone and you slink off down the hill to your quarters.

***

Stood apart from the main group, Rey and Finn sorrowfully watch you leave, before turning to one another and relaying, almost at the same time: “Poe is such an idiot.” Their heads whip towards one another in confusion.

“Wait, why do you think he’s an idiot?” Finn inquires.

Rey huddles closer. “You mean my most recent reason? Well, between you and I... I happen to know that (Y/N) is into him, and he clearly just upset them. Why do you think he’s an idiot?”

Finn becomes animated, over-excited, leaning in conspiratorially, speaking too quickly. “Because I’ve got intel that he is into (Y/N) and he just completely screwed it up!”

Rey and Finn’s eyes light up, toothy smiles beaming from their faces, hands clasping together as they realise what this means. “They like each other!” They both exclaim at the same time. Then, they turn towards Poe in unison, eyes needling him as he sits, casually sipping his beer, seemingly lost in deep thought and unaware that he is the hot topic of the moment.

“Oi! Poe Dameron!” Rey scolds loudly, and he flicks his eyes up towards his friends, vaguely wondering why they stand with their arms folded and lips pursed as if he’s about to get a telling off. Unconsciously, he braces himself. “Er, excuse me, but you’d better be planning on going after (Y/N)” Rey prods.

His brows knit together and he stands apart from the rest of the group to join the secret little conflab currently taking place. “What? Why’s that?”

“Because they like you” Rey begins.

“And you like them...” Finn continues.

“And because you -you difficult man- just told them in no uncertain terms that you don’t want to kiss them.”

“You big dum dum.” Finn adds for effect, earning a side-eye from Poe.

Confusion washes over the commander’s face. “But I didn’t say....” Realisation slowly -a little too slowly- takes root and twists through his features as he looks between his friends. Then, suddenly, he looks as animated and directionless as an excitable puppy. “Oh, Kriff. Kriff! I gotta go after them.”

Rey rolls her eyes as Poe says it as if it was his idea all along. “Er, yeah, that’s what we’ve been saying.”

“Yeah, dum dum.” Finn adds again to hammer the point home, smiling to himself as Poe bristles.

“I gotta go.” Poe bites down on his lip with a new found determination, squeezes Rey’s shoulders, grabs Finn’s face in his hands to plant a kiss of gratitude on his forehead, and springs forth from his position to race down the hill and on towards your quarters.

He arrives at your door a little breathless and knocks on it softly. Momentarily, the door swings open and you greet him with a confused expression, which quickly transitions into thinly veiled annoyance. Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?, he wonders, inwardly berating himself.

“No thank you.” You bite off, before closing the door in his face.

Oh. Well that didn’t go so great.

***

You hear another, more insistent knock on the door and sigh exasperatedly, this time opening it wordlessly and wondering what Poe might have to say for himself.

“Can I come in?” he says, looking at you from beneath those endlessly long, thick lashes.

“No, I have a friend over.” At that BB-8′s muffled beeps emanate from inside your room.

“Little traitor.” You and Poe both mumble fondly at the same time, each appearing taken aback by the reminder of how in sync you are. Usually are. Maybe some time apart would be wise after all, instead of living in each others’ pockets on every mission. And in-between every mission. Maybe that would help you get some closure.

“Please.” Poe pleads softly. “Can I join you?”

“D’pends. Are you only here because Rey told you to be?” You tap your foot agitatedly on the floor.

“Not exactly.”

You examine his well-meaning face for a few moments and then sigh, gesturing with your arm to welcome him into the room. The door clasps shut behind him and he comes to stand in the centre of the minimal floorspace, not much choice but to position himself only a few steps away from you.

“What can I help you with, Poe?”

“Got a question for ya. Truth or dare?” he asks with an unabashed smirk, earning a scowl from you. If he had any sense he’d realise the wound is too fresh for this to be as charming as he no doubt thinks it is.

“Come on, humour me?” he encourages, and ok... he is effortlessly charming you. He’s got a talent for it. That, or you have a deficiency in resisting him. You fold your arms, but it is evident that you’re doing it to mask the fact that you’re softening. You know it and he knows it.

“Fine. I choose truth.”

He sucks in air through his teeth, leaning forward to whisper emphatically to you from behind his hand. “This will go a lot better if you choose dare.”

Your eyes narrow, intrigued and slightly nervous about where he’s going with this. But you concede. “Fine. Dare.” You try to keep your voice impassive.

Stifling a smile, Poe shuffles closer to you, until he’s mere inches away. When he speaks, his voice is still barely above a whisper. “I dare you to kiss me.”

You’re sure the way your heart instantly starts pounding can’t be healthy. You try to hide the effect his proximity and his words are having on you. He may have rejected you, but his pull on you is still undeniable. It’s like that time you were almost sucked into a black hole. Your hands are on the controls but you’re not the one piloting this ship any longer. “Apparently you don’t want to kiss me, Poe.”

“I thought you might say that. Clearly I, uh, inadvertently gave you that impression, huh?” He casually runs a hand over his stubble and it bristles. It’s an unwelcome reminder that earlier you were close enough to feel it scratch against your skin. “Can I explain something, though?”

“Go ahead.”, you invite him. What have you got to lose?

He shuffles forward a little more, stroking his hands softly down your arms until he reaches your hands, gently clasping them in his. You shake your head in attempted protest, in confusion, but somehow can’t bring yourself to do much more than that. His hands are warm and reassuring, just like him. Even with this small amount of touch you feel entirely held. You don’t want to have him let go. Not now. Hell, not ever, if you can help it. “Honey.” he breathes, his dark eyes searching yours in earnest. The pet name he’s only ever called you in jest somehow hits so different when it’s accompanied by that look in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to kiss me because of how badly I want you to kiss me.”

You blink repeatedly, feeling like his words are leaving you hanging right on the edge of some precipice. You’re certain you’re going over, but you’re not quite sure yet if you’re going to fall or fly when you do. “Poe. That makes no sense whatsoever.”

He knows fine well it doesn’t, but he’s not finished with you yet, so he simply smiles softly, taking his time with his declaration, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek. He strokes you there, strokes your shoulder, your hair, brushes the pad of his thumb along your bottom lip, his voice almost painfully sincere. “I didn’t want you to kiss me up there. Not like that. If you had, how would I have been able to hide how much I wanted it. How I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long. If you’d kissed me, how would I have been able to stop?” He has tears swelling in your eyes for the second time that night, but, this time, they too hit different. “If you’d kissed me like that, how would I give you the kinda kiss I’ve been dreamin’ of givin’ you for so long? The kinda kiss I’m gonna give you right now.”

You swear you have forgotten how to breathe.

“So, baby.”, he continues. “Kiss me. I dare ya.”

And this time, as your lips meet his, he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans in. He leans in with his whole body and with his whole heart, meeting yours. And he kisses you.

THE END

Like this? Please consider reblogging, and/or sending feedback in an ask or comment. I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU AND STORIES ARE NOTHING WITHOUT A READER. YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND ILY.

Want more? You can check out my Masterlist to read more of my works! FYI: It’s always kept updated in my bio.

Want even more? Just ask if you’re not already and you’d like to be added to my permanent tag-list or any series tag-lists <3

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Ransom Drysdale Must Die (Chapter 2)

Summary: Ransom Drysdale is a serial cheater. The only way to get him to pay for what he’s done is for him to die. Or at least be extremely humiliated. As long as you don’t fall for him.

Pairings: Eventual Ransom Drysdale x black!reader, Ransom Drysdale x Multiple OC’s

Warnings: Swearing. Eventual smut.

(Author’s Note: I was watching John Tucker must die and it made me think of my favorite sweater wearing murder daddy.)

Words: 3.4K

It was true that you didn’t really have much of a life in Boston. Having to move around a lot really affected your people skills. Not that you weren’t a nice person or at least you tried to be, but it became a little difficult to know how to talk to people when you grew up thinking that none of it would matter in a few months. 

Your mom had called you asking for you to visit which you hadn’t done since college. You weren’t even sure what state she was in now. Hell for all you know she’d given up completely and moved to a different country. Besides you didn’t really have the space to host someone. Not that your apartment was too tiny for company, but your mom didn’t pack lightly despite being a nomad. 

She’d talked to you as you drove to work. Telling you about another guy that she’d met that she was sure was the love of her life in whatever new place she was in. As much as you wished you could tell her to stop, all you could do was listen and mhm on occasion. 

The Ransom Drysdales of her life were going to keep doing what they do to her and whatever woman they could get their hands on. You just wished she’d make better choices so she didn’t get hurt.

You felt a little bit of relief as soon as you’d arrived at work. Talking to her always made your stomach turn now which you hated, but there didn’t seem like there was much you could do. You kind of understood. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone. Except since she’d jumped around so much she’d kind of made you want to.

You went through the employees entrance stopping at the breakroom to put your stuff away. “Hey,” Andy the assistant golf director greeted you. You didn’t really see him much, but he was always friendly when your paths would cross. He was a really handsome guy, super nice. 

You shoot him a small smile as you close your locker. “Hi,” you said. 

“So, did you hear? Harrington’s on a good one,” he said. “Something about the yoga studio that most of these women go to had to shut down.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What? Damn.”

“I know. Today has been something else.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Gonna have a lot of pissed off fitness gurus all over the place.”

“Just what I needed in my life.” You sighed. “Well, I better get in there before Harrington rips my head off.”

“Good luck,” he said. 

“You, too.” 

Just like Andy had warned you Harrington was on a good one. You walked into the clubhouse dining to see him chewing one of the other waitresses out, causing her to burst out into tears. You gritted your teeth because it was hard to watch. 

“Jesus Christ, what happened?” You whispered to Britt.

She shook her head. “Well, there was an emergency shut down at the Porter’s Studio which means they’re all coming here which would be fine, but Vida has to combine two classes into one each session.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What? What happened?”

“Apparently Ransom’s amazing good looks,” she started, exaggerating her tone, “made her swoon so hard that Lucy had a misstep on the stairs and she proceeded to totally eat shit.”

You gasped, covering your mouth. “No!”

“Oh, yes. I barely missed all the action.” She pouted in disappointment.

“Is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine, but Harrington had to send her home for the day.”

“Miss L/N, Miss Lin will you mind being useful and getting to your jobs,” he was now turning his fury to them. 

“Yes, Mr. Harrington,” the both of you said in unison, as you suppressed the urge to tell him to fuck off. 

“Actually, Miss L/N, I’ve already assigned you to help out Vida in the yoga studio,” he told you. Of course you’d end up dealing with it. Maybe it was a good thing he trusted you enough to move you between sections.

“Will do, Mr. Harrington,” you said.  

How Vida was still able to keep that zen exterior despite having to take on Lucy’s class and the women that normally went to the Porter’s studio. You weren’t sure if you believe the story about what happened to Lucy, but it was kind of funny to think about. At least she was okay.

You moved everything around on the refreshments table to make it look presentable. This was what he needed you to take care of. At least you’d get to sit all day. 

Vida laid on her mat needing a break before the next class arrived. Dealing with that many of these women at one time was draining. Even if on the outside she hadn’t broken a sweat.

“Ugh, I’m so jealous!” The squeaky voice of a woman said as she walked into the room. “He’s so hot!”

“Shhh, not so loud,” Chloe shushed her as they stopped at the table. “We’re supposed to be keeping it on the low. He doesn’t want his grandfather to find out while he’s redoing his will.” She grabbed a water bottle and a complimentary towel.

“Yeah, but c’mon, Ransom of all people,” she whispered this. “He’s so dreamy.”

Chloe bit her lip. “I know right. And, it’s so different because Jeffrey could never do the stuff we do. It’s insane.” She sighed wistfully.

Your eyes widened as you listened in on their conversation. Was it bad that you were making mental notes to tell Britt after. It’s kind of sad. Closest you’ve gotten to making a friend and you’d managed to bond over the scandalous shit rich people do. 

“You lucky ass bitch I swear.” Her friend laughed as they walked over towards the back of the class.

You weren’t going to lie. You were kind of curious as to what else they were saying as you tried to listen in. You were honestly so fascinated by this whole ordeal. 

Your attention on Chloe and her friend was cut short when Marissa walked in. You didn’t know this many of these girls took their yoga classes here. You scrunched up your face as she went to the last spot in the front of the class to unroll her mat. 

“I already told you, Baby. We can do it later tonight.” She twirled a piece of her hair around her finger as she stopped at your table, her Airpods in each ear. Chloe had come up beside her to grab another water bottle glaring at the other woman as did so. “I can wear one of those sets you like if you promise to do that thing I like.”

Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest seeing them this close together. God you had so much to gossip about. 

Just as the two of them had went to sit down, Amber walked in with her two friends on each side. Holy shit. There really was no way for you to expect this. You know maybe it was a good thing you were always the first one Harrington moved in between sections.

Finally the class had started. You were only half paying attention as Vida had doing warm-ups. “Alright, ladies, give me a nice deep breath and then....” she breathed out dramatically, “exhale.”

This went on for a minute and to be honest listening to her soft commands were making you sleepy. Everyone was following her directions as she broke her own pose to walk around to help help someone who wasn’t stretching deep enough. 

As she had them grab the small yoga balls next. You loved yoga. Yoga was relaxing. You’d rather watch paint dry than watch other people do yoga and yet here you were. 

“Ow! What the fuck, Amber!” Chloe shrieked knocking the room out of the peaceful atmosphere. 

Your head snapped up to see what the hell had happened.  Amber shrugged a smile plastered across her face. “Sorry! It slipped!” She replied in a sickly sweet tone.

Chloe rubbed her cheek as her friend came over to look at it. “Are you okay?” The other woman asked.

Right as Chloe was nodding, another ball flew hitting in her face. This time a lot more deliberate making her losing her footing. When she stood up there was this fire in her eyes. “What the hell is your problem!” She yelled at her.

“You’re my problem. Trying to push up on my boyfriend, Bitch!” Not to be outdone, Amber got into the other woman’s face.

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about!”

Amber rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever, everyone knows you’re a fucking gold digging whore.”

Chloe’s jaw dropped before slapping the other woman’s face. Your hand went to your mouth. Wow you really really did have a lot to tell Britt.

Amber not to be outdone, retaliated by doing the same. Everyone watched from the sidelines with shocked expressions as things progressed. Marissa was the only one to come over trying to break it up.

Oh god.

“C’mon, guys! Really?” She stood between them. “Fighting over a man. It’s not worth it.”

“There’s nothing to fight about! Ransom is mine!” Amber pointed at herself.

You were pretty sure your heart was going to beat out of your chest now.

It was Marissa’s turn to react now except she kind of looked like she was malfunctioning as she blinked way too many times in one second. “What?” For a minute she kept her cool, clenching her jaw.

Then she grabbed a ball throwing it at Amber’s stomach. “What the fuck!” 

“I’m dating Ransom!”

Boom.

There it was.

Finally.

You stood up trying to get out of dodge as hell was unleashed. Chloe threw a water bottle hitting you in the back, making you fall as Vida also unsuccessfully tried to run.

The wind had been knocked out of you, but you could hear the three smacks that they’d given each other before getting up. They were fucking animals. How good is this guy’s dick for them to be acting like this.

Instead Vida tried to break it up like Marissa had done, but it didn’t really work as Marissa pushed the refreshments table into the four of you before tripping over one of the towels that had fallen and landed on your stomach. 

The three of them tried fighting on top of the two of you when you grabbed the whistle around Vida’s neck to blow into it. The harsh shriek penetrated the air, making them cover their ears. “He’s cheating on you and instead of taking it out on him, you’re beating the shit out of each other!” You yelled.

“Miss L/N!” Harrington walked in red in the face.

Oh shit.

--

You were going to have a giant water bottle shaped bruise tomorrow. Maybe you could write a thank you note to Chloe for that one. Or for all of the various bruises that were given to you by Marissa. At least, Amber hadn’t done any damage to anyone, but them.

You’d been told to clean up this mess as Vida was able to go nurse her wounds. Could you sue? Was that possible? Sue this club and the three of them. Cuz fuck this hurt.

Harrington had chewed you out pretty hard. Of course he’d come in at the right time which must have made him think you had something to do with it even if you’d just been caught in the crossfire. Maybe your mom had a point. It wasn’t all that bad to pack up and move from place to place. Except instead of doing it over men, you could have like a jobs theme or something.

You’d just lifted up the table that had flipped over during the scuffle when Andy came in with a whistle. “Damn. I heard it was bad, but nothing could have prepared me for this.” He looked around with his eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah, it was pretty great.” You sighed puffing out your cheeks.

“What the hell even happened?” He asked, cringing as he saw the cracked mirror that looked a moments away from shattering. 

“Chloe, Amber, and Marissa happened,” you replied, getting down to start gathering the bottles.

“Harrington must have been pissed.”

You laughed. “He was. His face was so red.”

“Did that little vein in his forehead pop out?” He asked with a smirk, raising his eyebrow.

You nodded. “Oh yeah. Looked like his head was going to explode.”

Andy laughed. “Damn. I would have paid to see that.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged, “well I would have paid to not get hit with a full water bottle.”

“No! They did that?”

You nodded. “Yup. I’m going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow.”

He shook his head, but before he could say anything the three women were escorted into the room with a security guard. There arms crossed and somehow perfect. How the hell did they manage to fix themselves first.

“I better get back.” He half-smiled. “Try not to get caught up in any trouble.”

“I’ll try.”

Security had left for some fucking reason which caused the three to do the expected as they took a seat on their mats which had remained on the floor. You were pretty sure you were about to witness round two, planning an escape plan out of the room this time.

“So,” Amber broke the silence, “I talked to Ransom.” She smirked. “He said he felt bad for you because you’re clearly jealous that we have something special.” She put her hand over her heart. “Something that doesn’t need a label because it’s-”

“Our own unspoken bond,” Chloe cut her off with her eyes narrowed as she rattled off that part of Amber’s speech.

“And,” Marissa took over, “I just love how secure you are and it hurts to hear you question it.”

“Because you’re the only girl for me!” The three of them finished in unison.

The three different expressions on their face was interesting. Amber looked like she was ready to fight someone all over again, while Marissa looked like she was one wrong move from crying, and Chloe looked like she was ready to murder.

Amber clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “He really said the same shit to all of us.” She looked like she was in disbelief. Like she’d been punched in the gut. Or possibly hit in the back with a water bottle. Or maybe smacked in the stomach with a yoga ball.

Chloe huffed. “Okay, so what? He gives me the same lines he gives you guys and then hooks up with m-” she started in on a rant until Marissa cut her off.

She shook her head waving her hands to stop her from talking. “Wait, what? You hooked up with him in between that time?” Marissa asked with an eyebrow raised.

“It was in his car!”

Amber guffawed. “Like a fucking high schooler during homecoming?”

“As if that makes it better?” Marissa laughed sarcastically.

Chloe glared at the other women with her lips puckered. “We share an unspoken bond,” she retorted. “Besides weren’t you all oh yeah baby I’ll wear that set you like, like two hours ago?”

“Oh, I’m sorry that I have sex in a bed like a normal adult,” she argued back.

Amber coughed. “Boring.”

You didn’t mean for that snort to come out, but it did. Then their attention snapped to you. Three very intense eyes were on you. “Excuse you?” Amber challenged you, her head tilted to the side.

You cleared your throat as you picked up the balls. “Sorry.” 

“If you have something to say, say it,” she pressed. God she looked angry. Not that you could really blame her. If you were in her position you’d probably be ready to go off at any little thing. Of course you didn’t want her going off on you again.

You opened your mouth to say something before closing your mouth again and second guessing it. “You know what. No it’s none of my business,” you replied. You didn’t need to get mixed up in their drama again.

“Just say it,” this time it was Marissa who was trying to get it out of you. Chloe wasn’t saying anything, but you could tell she was daring for you to say something.

You licked your lips before groaning. “Okay, ummm,” you took a deep breath, “does he always call you pet names? You know. Baby, sweetheart, honey.” You rattled off. “Yeah it’s not out of affection.It’s so he doesn’t mix up your names. And, he’s all about that unspoken bond or something special, but never ever about a relationship.  And, then he'll make this whole arrangement feel like it's your idea so feel guilty that he cheated because this is something he really wanted.”

Amber scoffed throwing her head back. “Oh my god! You’re dating Ransom, too.”

“No. He doesn’t mess around with the help,” Chloe said.

You raised your eyebrows. “Okay that was rude, but no. I’m not. I’ve just dealt with someone like him.”

Marissa pursed her lips, looking down at the ground now. “He does always make me feel guilty,” she reflected.

“I guess I feel like if a guy was making me feel like that, I’d-”

Amber cut you off, rolling her eyes. “Yeah you’d break up with him blah, blah, blah.”

Chloe scoffed. “As if he wouldn’t get a new girlfriend in like five seconds.”

“Which is why I wasn’t going to say that. If it were me dealing with a man like him, I’d get even.” You shrugged, finally picking up the last bottle of Evian which had rolled over to the other side of the room.

“Wait, who are you?” Chloe asked.

Before you could answer, Harrington had stomped back in right as the mirror shattered. The three women stood up screaming from the noise as you covered your mouth. Yeah wonderful timing.

“Y/N!” He yelled. “Get your shit and get out. You’re fired.”

You weren’t really shocked. At least your last day was memorable. Normally you would have went in there to clean things up. Except it didn’t feel worth it. You’d been caught up in enough fights for the day and al you wanted was to pop open a bottle of wine and drink until you puked.

The three of them only watched as you walked out. As if this wasn’t their fault. You could always get another job, but it still felt shitty. Unlike Amber and Marissa you didn’t have rich parents to fall back on. While Chloe also had her deceased husband’s fortune to get her through. Why were they even doing all of this over a man like Ransom. They could have anyone they wanted.

You hated job hunting. It was so stressful and annoying. You were surprised you’d even landed this gig. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, though. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with Harrington.

“I can’t believe he’s letting you go.” Britt shook her head.

“I know.” You sighed. “It wasn’t even my fault.”

She shrugged. “It’s not like you told Ransom to be a serial cheater.”

“Is it bad that I almost feel bad for them?” You didn’t want to. All of them could have left him today and find new boyfriends in an hour and yet no one deserved what Ransom was doing.

“Don’t forget to text me, okay? If you need anything I’m so there.”

You smiled softly. “Thank you.”

One of the security guards walked in ready to escort you out. The two of you rolled your eyes. “Alright, we’ll talk later. I need you to tell me everything.”

“I will.”

As you were walking out Ransom was talking to some girl at the front desk. You glared at him, not that he noticed. Not like he was paying attention anyway because apparently Ransom didn’t care about the help. 

Fuck that guy.

When you’d finally gotten to your apartment, you showered and changed just wanting to wash the day away. The soreness had started to settle into your muscles. 

You tried watching TV with your glass of wine in hand, but all that did was make you think about the impending doom of not having a job. So you found yourself doing what you normally did when things were shitty. 

You’d gotten lost in the soft blues so easily as your brush sweeped against the canvas. You weren’t really sure what you were going for, but at least you felt a little better.

As you took a step back to see what was missing there as a knock on the door. You groaned going to look through the peephole and your jaw dropped seeing Amber on the other side. 

[vendeavendea]

How Entrapta Has Become My All Time Favourite Autistic Representation in Media: Long Version

Just so you know what to expect, this is more of a very long and boring personal post and less of a character analysis. By "very long", I mean "very long". Also, half of it was written at night when I was supposed to be sleeping (like, right now), so some parts might not even make sense. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just days before I started to watch She-Ra, I answered a question in a writer group where someone asked what are the do's and don'ts of writing an autistic character. I've been told a couple of times in my life that I can’t be autistic based on the fact that I'm not really interested in or good at science, so I think special interests of autistic people are something that definitely has to be presented better in media. So I advised this person to make their character have a special interest that's NOT related to science, technology, space or computers, because it's a very common misconception that people on the autism spectrum are always into these stuff, and there are so many autistic fictional characters based on this stereotype that I feel like we absolutely don't need any more.

And then I saw Entrapta.

I didn't know she's canonically autistic until a much later episode, but it didn't surprise me when I was told she is, because my autism radar went off like a hundred times while watching System Failure and all her other season 1 appearances (so did my ADHD radar, by the way, but as far as I know, this hasn't been confirmed by the creators, so it's just my headcanon). And she looked like the purple ponytails princess version of the autism stereotype that I didn’t want to see any more of. The genius who is into space and robots, knows nothing about human relationships and keeps driving everyone nuts with her long and impossible-to-follow scientific monologues. Also cute and funny, yeah, but still, as someone on the spectrum who is super artistic and has nothing to do with science stuff, my first reaction was "dang, not this shit again." Just for once in my life, I wanted to see an autistic representation that's not just that typical weird tech-lover but a character that's at least a tiny bit more like me. Seeing her only in her first episode, little did I know that Entrapta's character has an incredible depth and her whole arc was going to be hair-raisingly personal to me (I know I'm not funny, but pun intended).

First, let’s talk about robots, because we can't talk about Entrapta without talking about robots. Entrapta builds robots just for fun, because technology is her thing, but there's actually a lot more behind this. Starting from as early as her debute episode, we see through the whole series that she creates robots with different designs, abilities, personalities, very similar to real people, as a sort of substitute for the human (or whatever species) company she'd wish to have. She even gives them names. She programs them to like being around her, to understand her, something that she hasn't really experienced from real people, which is sad enough on its own, but even sadder if we consider that she actually has human staff working at her fortress. She pretty literally makes friends, and she does it with the help of her special interest. And this totally reminds me of my primary school years when I had zero real friends and used my special interest, which was writing fictional stories and creating worlds/universes/languages in my head, to make up imaginary characters that could be my "friends" so that I wouldn't be that lonely.

Then, her interactions with other characters, especially with Hordak. Entrapta consoling Hordak in Huntara is a very powerful scene to me, not only what she says, but also how she says it. When Hordak starts venting about how he is a failure and all, Entrapta's first immediate response is to provide a practical solution, to design an armor for him, and comforting him with words is only a secondary action. She's helping in her own way, with technology, because that's what she's the best at, but she also wants to make sure he understands that fixing imperfections isn't always the solution, embracing them is. I also love how it's hinted with the "loved" crystal that Entrapta's love language may be acts of service (and probably quality time as well), which is another thing we have in common. And there's another thing in that scene I found very relatable: that part when she stops consoling him and starts to talk about herself being a failure instead. In real life, most people would read that in a negative way. I've been in many situations where I've tried doing something similar to people who were venting to me, and normally, they're like "ew, I'm the one complaining now, stop making it about you." But Hordak's reaction is different, all he does is try to tell her she's not a failure before she shushes him, then he just listens. He understands what Entrapta means by saying all those things about herself isn't "hey, look, my life is also horrible, so I get to complain, too" but rather "I feel you, we're the same". For a person who thinks and acts as differently from average people as Entrapta does, connecting with someone through similar experiences and feelings is a huge thing, and this is so relatable to me that I cried like a baby while watching that scene. Also, kudos to Christine Woods for making Entrapta's monologue sound so factual and casual. It really gives the impression of someone who is fully aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and accepts herself as a whole with all her flaws. The way she lists all the things that make her feel like a failure right after saying "imperfection is beautiful" is just... wow. But seriously, this whole "imperfection is beautiful" thing in general is such a cliché that it's not even supposed to work on me, but hell it does, because it's so well-presented that it's actually one of the most powerful moments of the whole series. Entrapta giving me self-acceptance lessons is all I've ever needed in my life (Hordak probably agrees, lol).

Speaking of self-acceptance, I also love how Beast Island shows that it's a long and difficult process with its ups and downs instead of just a door you walk through once in your life and then stay on the other side forever. Even if I accept and love myself the way I am, it's still totally normal to have low points with thoughts like "I'm not suited for friendship" or "everyone leaves me behind". And it's very nice and uplifting to have someone's love and support when I'm in a bad mood with stuff like this on my mind, but personally, I often find it easier to deal with if I have something related to any of my special interests around that I can focus my thoughts on. My "we flew here on an ancient First Ones ship, do you wanna see it?" would be something like "do you wanna create some characters and then write the shit out of them?" and before this show I've never actually realised how neurodiverse it is to use a hobby or interest for self-care like this. The "definitely the ship" part called me out so hard, and I just adore how the writers were able put so much meaning into a single joke line.

Back to interactions, there's also something painfully relatable in the way the other princesses treat Entrapta. Even in the beginning in No Princess Left Behind, but mostly in season 4 and 5. In most cases, Entrapta is only considered to be worthy enough to not be left behind in situations when her skills are useful. Other characters "liking" her isn't really about herself as a person but her tech knowledge. Just like when you go to school and the only reason your classmates want to make friends with you is because you always do your homework and let others copy it, or you're good at explaining stuff and are willing to help people getting prepared for tests/exams. When I was in grammar school, my classmates ignored me or mocked me for liking animation and comics, but every now and then they did the bare minimum of treating me like a human being and expected me to do their arts homework in return, because I was the only one in my class who was good at arts. When I studied linguistics at the uni, I was really into phonology and historical linguistics, and those were the compulsory subjects most of the other students were struggling with, so many people wanted to hang out with me just to make sure they could get my notes before the exams. The same people kept calling me nerd and making fun of me behind my back. I also had a few genuine friends, which I'm grateful for, but I still know what it feels like to be needed only for a specific skill while not being noticed and respected as a person, and Launch portraits this experience in a very clever way. It's so amazing to see how the princesses realise who Entrapta really is and start to treat her as someone who just thinks differently instead of someone who's a deliberate bad person. They finally get to see that she's not just an unwary tech nerd, but also a determined, caring and loyal friend who gives others so much love in her own geeky way and deserves love, too. But I shouldn't even be surprised, I mean, we're talking about a show that teaches us "you worth more than what you can give to other people," and it's great how this message applies to other characters as well, not only to Adora. And the best part is that this whole conflict is not presented as something black and white, it's not like Entrapta is the poor misunderstood autistic person and the princesses are the evil allistic bad guys who mistreat her. It's simply a miscommunication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, and while the other princesses get to understand that they hurt Entrapta by their actions and that they should be more respectful of her, Entrapta also realises that she's made mistakes and hurt people, becomes aware of her own bad habits and makes efforts to get rid of them in order to save Glimmer. Plus I also love the faint implication that most of the princesses never really, genuinely, 100% make friends with Entrapta even after this scene, because sometimes people just don't resonate with each other enough to become close friends, but they learn to accept her differences and treat her with respect, nonetheless. This episode is so full of realistic interactions and character development it blows my mind every time I rewatch it.

I could just go on and on about all those tiny relatable details such as "I've waited years for someone to ask me about my theories!" I think this was the line that first made me fall in love with Entrapta's character. I mean, if someone from the crew wrote this line, that means they might know the feeling, too, so I'm not the only dork who feels this way every time someone asks me a question about my hyperfixations. And it's just so reassuring. Entrapta has many lines of the kind, they're not even important plotwise, but still super relatable and validating.

Now that we're here, and I know that I probably should have said this at the beginning of the post, but I'm too lazy to rewrite the first paragraph accordingly, I'd like to note that these are all my own interpretations and reflections on Entrapta's character based on my own experiences. This whole thing is totally personal, and I don't want anyone to think that this is how Entrapta is supposed to be seen by the whole fandom. So yeah, that's pretty much it for now.

[otakween]

07-Ghost - The World (Part. 3)

Episodes 21-30 of the 07-Ghost radio show! Aww man, I’m really sad it’s over. I had a lot of fun listening the whole way through. It definitely made me a Namikawa Daisuke fan. I look forward to spotting him in another role!

Episode 21

Kuroyuri VA’s second episode. Honestly, she was kind of annoying (sorry!) She wouldn’t stop cracking up at everything and it made the whole episode very chaotic. They started out by discussing: their ideal birthdays and nicknames they’ve had in their lives. They then played a “what would you do?” game where they had to pick the most popular reaction to various scenarios. This time the punishment was to speak like a servant/butler. The loser was...Namikawa of course (lol every time!)

Namikawa failing at keigo was honestly the highlight of the episode for me because, same. Apparently this episode came out close to the end of the anime. Funny that the show would go on for so long after the show was already over. I guess because the manga was ongoing and they still had DVD sales to boost? 

Episode 22

The first no-Namikawa episode in a long time (another scheduling issue). This time though we got two guests: Castor and Lab’s VAs! Saiga called it a “church special” lol. It did feel like a mini reunion. The opening discussion was “what do you do to calm down when you feel stressed.” Lab’s VA said he likes to be alone/have alone time. Castor’s VA said he likes to eat sweets lol. Maybe it’s because Namikawa wasn’t there to react, but they barely read any fan mail. 

For a game, since Lab’s VA was there they played a “flower language” game where they had to guess what each flower signified. Somehow the flowers were also connected to birthdays? I tried to Google this but couldn’t find much. I want to know my birthday flower! Anyway, the final corner was a “Last Supper” where they ate something that was supposed to taste like chestnut and another thing that was supposed to taste like sweet potato. For once, both experiments were yummy. 

Episode 23

In this episode Namikawa comes back and so does Lab’s VA (sorry, I should probably learn his name). I was honestly pretty relieved to hear Namikawa again because he’s really the heart of the show. They discussed their blood types and caught Namikawa up on what he missed in the last episode. I finally looked up what the heck “Namikawa ga Kamu” means (the name of one of the corners) and I think what they’re going for is that he snaps at the listeners who send him ridiculous mail lol. Kamu has a bunch of different meanings so it took me awhile to get that.

They played another flower-themed game. This time they had to guess which flowers out of a bunch listed were currently blooming. They kept saying “ah that one blooms in winter, huh?” and I was like “wtf? Nothing blooms in winter!” Damn you Japan and your higher temps! This time Saiga and Lab’s VA lost and their punishment was to speak like a maiko (I didn’t even know maiko had a unique speech style). The final segment was responding to listeners worries but I honestly struggled to understand what they were saying and spaced out a little, oops! Lab’s VA said he wants to come back, but was disappointed in the lack of food this time around lol. 

Episode 24 

Wow, a Bastien episode, how unexpected. I honestly forgot what Bastien sounded like because he was in so little of the anime, but he has a nice, deep voice. Probably second deepest after Ayanami. It cracked me up how he and Namikawa bonded over how they both voice dead guys. The started the episode out by discussing what kind of food they like to eat in November and then talked about how popular/unpopular they were in their younger years. One fanmail asked what they would give Teito as a birthday present and no one really knew what to say LOL (it is a hard question). Namikawa said a camera and Bastien’s VA said “Mikage” loool. 

I thought the game they chose for the Bastien episode “find the impostor” was clever, but it was hard to play along. It was another game where they had to pick “which one of these doesn’t belong” out of a list of 07 Ghost things, but they didn’t clearly read out the options so it wasn’t super interesting to listen to. Bastien’s VA lost and his punishment was to talk like a country bumpkin for the next segment. They ended the episode by doing the confessional-like corner and listening to listener’s sins. Amen. 

Episode 25 

Another Kuroyuri episode! I guess she was really available lol. This one was recorded around Christmas time so it was slightly Christmas themed. They talked about sock fetishes (for some reason lol) & read some more chaotic fan mail. One girl that wrote in claimed to be from Namikawa’s elementary school and they freaked out. 

The game they played this time around was “what do you want for Christmas” where each person listed a bunch of things they might want for Xmas and then the others had to guess what the correct answer was. Kuroyuri asked something along the lines of “what cup size boobs do most women want?” I’m used to boobs coming up a lot in stupid anime so I was kinda surprised to hear real people have that conversation lol. Namikawa was clearly uncomfortable and gave the “I think size doesn’t matter” speech haha. (By the way, the answer was C cup). Namikawa lost as usual and had to use “reindeer speech” for the following segment. His interpretation of this was to add “tona” at the end of every sentence (because tonakai = reindeer). 

The final segment was Last Supper and they ate things that are supposed to taste like melon when you eat them together (white chocolate + apple juice, cucumber + honey). Apparently neither hit the mark but at least they weren’t too gross this time. 

Episode 26

Jun (Hakuren’s VA) returns! They call him “Jun Jun” which is way too cute. I think he’s one of my favorite guests, just cuz he’s so iconic and has great energy for radio. In this episode they discussed what color each person would be (Namikawa = orange, Jun = black, Saiga = blue). They also discussed New Year’s resolutions because this was recorded around January. They played an 07-Ghost themed version of karuta which was fun to play along with. Guess who lost? (It was Namikawa lol). I totally didn’t get what his punishment was. He had to talk like “maro/daimaro” and I couldn’t figure out via google what the heck that is.

In the final segment they gave advice to listeners. One listener asked what they should do about a mouse problem. Namikawa at first said “move” but then changed his answer to “get a cat” lol. Very inspired. Only 4 episodes to go~!

Episode 27

A rare no-guest episode. Namikawa seemed very fed up and low energy in this one lol. This was recorded in January so they discussed new years again. It’s kinda cool hearing time pass in these. Oh how innocent times were back in 2009/2010. The only thing that really stood out in the beginning of this episode was that one listener called Namikawa “Namikawa D-Cup-san” and Saiga and Namikawa died laughing. This was in reference to a past episode where Namikawa called himself that but he acted like he never said that loool. Honestly, the best part of this show is just hearing everyone laugh at dumb jokes.

The game they played this time around was pretty creative. Basically while one person was blindfolded the other had to help them draw a picture of a 07 Ghost character with verbal instructions. As they did so, they had to stay in-character. It was really funny hearing Saiga switch from polite Japanese to Teito’s feral speech style. You don’t really realize how cartoony anime character’s are until you hear natural speech right next to it (or maybe that’s just me lol). Namikawa lost again (I felt bad for him this time cuz he sounded genuinely disappointed) and his punishment was to stay in Mikage-mode until the end of the episode. He said acting so “pure” was exhausting. 

Episode 28

Another Haruse episode. He was really cute in this one, he admitted that he was nervous about doing radio and was worried his voice would shake haha. They again talked about New Years and New Year’s resolutions. They also took some kind of “psychology test” where they had to describe what color/pattern handkerchief they’d want to receive from a girl. The color handkerchief = the color of panties they like or something stupid like that lol. 

For the game, they had to put 07-Ghost characters in the correct order. Saiga had to order the ghosts, Haruse’s VA had to rank the Black Hawks, and Namikawa had to organize a bunch of characters in the order they’re introduced in the manga. Pretty difficult. Everyone did about the same so they had to do rocks, paper, scissors to decide the loser. The loser was, of course, Namikawa. His punishment was to sing everything like an opera singer for the next segment.

The final segment was giving advice to listeners. One person asked for advice on dating someone older than you and another person asked about giving “the talk” to their younger brother lol. At least I think that’s what they said. These advice portions have some tricky Japanese. 

Episode 29

The first Konatsu episode, it’s interesting to see them bring in new guests at the very end. Konatsu was one of my favorite characters so it’s unfortunate that I found his VA really annoying lol. His style of humor was to just repeat the same obnoxious thing over and over again and I found it really grating. This was recorded in February so they discussed how much you should spend on Valentine’s day chocolate. They also asked Konatsu’s VA what kind of character Konatsu is and he basically said “I had like no lines, so I dunno” lol. Too true. I forgot Konatsu was even in the anime.

For the game they had to pop some balloons and the more hearts they got the better their score was. (I guess they put heart on pieces of paper and stuffed them inside the balloons?) For once the loser was the guest and Konatsu’s VA had speak in a Kansai dialect for the final segment. The episode ended with “The Last Supper” and they ate avocado with vanilla ice cream, which apparently is supposed to taste like mango.

Episode 30

The grand finale! They actually called it that too. I wasn’t sure if they were going to acknowledge this as the last episode but they made it special. They did a lot of reflecting on how far they’d come and how the show seemed long and short at the same time. This was an hour long episode but they basically spent the entire time reading listener mail (which is my favorite part anyway). No games, no guests. Namikawa’s “kamu” corner got special background music for the first time. Most of the listener mail was people saying their goodbyes and being sad that the show was ending. 

At the end of the episode some staff person came into the studio to thank Namikawa and Saiga for their hardwork and to give them chocolate. Very cute. The depressing part is that both the hosts and the listeners were talking about “if season 2 happens...” which obviously never did. Pooor 07-Ghost :’( 

[taeken-my-heart]

Moirai Chapter 13

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 5651

Chapter notes: This has got some nice bits...but it’s also got some pretty good angst at the end. It will all be OK <3

+++++++++

“So, I was thinking,” Jimin began, leaning against the door frame as you finished your mascara, peering up at his reflection. “There’s this farmers market going on, on 5th and Waller, and I’ve heard really good things about this Greek gyro stand there. Let’s go try some.”

“You hate trying new food.” You frowned, peering over your shoulder at him and he huffed, coming to stand behind you, hands kneading into your shoulders.

“Not all the time,” he whined, “Come on. We both have the evening off, I thought it might be fun to go do this together. Tomorrow is the last night and you work so let’s go now.”

“Fine.” You replied, standing and dusting off your jeans. “But food is on you.”

“Yes ma’am!” He saluted, kissing your cheek and grabbing your hand. “Don’t even bother getting your purse, I’ll take care of everything.”

The market was within walking distance of your apartment so the two of you made your way leisurely towards 5th and Waller, chatting absentmindedly as the early evening breeze swept through your hair.

The evening was pleasant, the sun drooping low on the horizon. The hair at the nape of your neck was warm with perspiration and you tugged at the bottom of your shirt to fan yourself. The market came into view, colorful tented booths lining the street. The first stand caught your eye and you navigated Jimin towards it, arm linked through his.

“Wow, look at this dress! It’s super cute. What do you think?” You held the sunflower yellow up against your body and Jimin looked you up and down, nodding.

“You look like spring vomited all over you.”

“That’s my favorite look.” You hummed, turning to the vender and inquiring after the price. After Jimin had paid (because he’d foolishly insisted that he’d take care of everything) you took the bag you were handed and linked your arm back through his.

“Y/N?” Someone inquired from behind you and both you and Jimin turned around. Your heart sank into the pit of your stomach, eyes landing on the dark mop of hair you’d never imagined you’d see outside of work. Now, of course, you realized that was foolish. You lived in the same city, naturally it was a possibility.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, sharper than you’d meant.

“I live in this neighborhood,” Jungkook said, eyebrow raised at you. He glanced at your arm, thread through the arm of your boyfriend, before turning his gaze toward him. “You must be Jimin.”

“Ah, yes, I see my reputation precedes me. You are?”

“I’m Dr.-”

“Kim!” You said loudly and both Jimin and Jungkook turned to blink owlishly at you. “This is Dr. Kim.”

Jungkook looked back at Jimin, smiling tightly before extending his hand. “Taehyung Kim. Nice to meet you.”

“Oh, Taehyung!” Jimin grinned, “Y/N tells me you’re a really gifted pathologist.”

“Ah, she shouldn’t have.” Jungkook crooned, switching his gaze to you and you smiled, tense.

Laughing, you squeezed Jimin’s forearm nervously. “He really is great, but honey, we’ve really gotta get going or we’ll miss the gyros. I’m sure Taehyung has somewhere to be too.”

“Actually, I was heading to the gyro stand myself.” Jungkook smiled, “I’ve heard really good things about the quality of their meat.”

“Well then, please, join us. I would love to hear how Y/N behaves at work.”

You were dying, Jimin dragging you along by his side as the three of you resumed your walk further into the market. “So, remind me what you do for work,” Jungkook said, “I know Y/N has told me before, but I’m afraid I have forgotten.”

“I’m a divorce attorney at Swanson and Heath.”

“Ah, must be a difficult business.”

“No more difficult than being a doctor, I imagine. Though I’m not often faced with life or death.”

Jungkook nodded, dodging a lady yelling at her little boy off to the side of the stands, hair tousled and looking like he’d been rolling in the dirt. “They’re difficult in different ways, that’s for sure. Do you see many soulmates in your office?”

You tried not to squeeze Jimin’s bicep in your stress. You glanced over at Jungkook who looked the picture of curious innocence and tried not to glare.

“I can’t say we see a lot, but we have seen a couple in the five years that I’ve been there. It’s not unheard of, but it is pretty rare.”

“Guess there’s something to be said for the soulmate attachment.” Jungkook said; nonchalant.

Jimin shrugged, your arm raising with the motion. “I guess if you buy into that type of thing.”

Jungkook looked between the two of you, smile quirking at the corner of his lips. “I’m a big believer in soulmates; always have been. I think, like every relationship, it takes some work, but I’m willing to put in the work.”

You frowned, following Jimin around the corner and you could see the gyro stand come into view, line long, but likely worth it.

“Have you met your soulmate yet?” Jimin asked, just as the three of you stepped into the line and stopped. You looked at Jungkook, eyes wide as you tried to communicate to him how brutally you would strangle him if he outed you.

Jungkook smiled sadly, shaking his head. “Ah, life hasn’t given us the opportunity to really connect yet. I’m hopeful for the future.”

“Well I’m rooting for you.”

“I appreciate that.” Jungkook grinned and you just wanted to shrivel up and disappear. If only Jimin knew what he was rooting for.

“So, how’d you hear about this market?” Jimin asked.

“I actually only live about a block away so I’ve been seeing the posters around for the last week and it got me interested. I’m pretty new to the area,” at your sharp, panicked expression, he backtracked, “this neighborhood, I mean, and so I thought it would be a good idea.”

“Ah, did you move recently?”

Jungkook nodded, “into this neighborhood, yeah. It’s been a pretty positive move so far. Much nicer apartment than my last.”

You could see the line Jungkook was toeing, trying not to outright lie about everything and you felt a little bad. You were the one who’d called him by the name of another colleague, but you weren’t ready to tell Jimin yet. You just knew he wouldn’t be happy.

“So, have you been seeing anyone? While you wait for your soulmate?” Jimin asked, cheeks pinched at the thought. He really did hate the idea of soulmates and everything they represented, but he was too nice a guy to mock other people’s dreams and ambitions. At least not to their face.

“No,” Jungkook shook his head, “not really. I dated casually in college but nothing every really stuck and eventually I just realized that I already had someone special that I was willing to work for.” He tapped his wrist, looking up at you and your eyes locked, heart beating anxiously against your rib cage.

In a dark corner somewhere inside you, where you’d locked that same dream away, it leapt eagerly, beating against the doors of its prison. You had wanted that too…maybe you still did.

The line moved forward and you switched your gaze away from the heat of his intensity, watching as a couple walked past you with their recently purchased gyro. Your mouth watered a little.

“So, you’re a romantic?” Jimin asked and before you could stop yourself, you were scoffing.

“Yeah, when he was a kid, he used to think he’d hear a bell when he met his soulmate. It’s from an anime or something.”

Both Jimin and Jungkook looked at you in surprise. “Did you know Taehyung as a kid?” Jimin asked, “I thought you said you met at the hospital.���

Internally kicking yourself, you tried your best to smile. “That’s just something he’s told me before. These kinds of conversations come up sometimes.”

“I guess.” Jimin nodded and you could see Jungkook’s struggle not to laugh.

“Yeah, I was a bit of a nerd as a kid.” He chuckled, “Never really grew out of the romantic side, although I was kind of an idiot for a few years. You know how teenagers are.”

Jimin laughed, nodding. “Yeah, there was a week straight in elementary school where we learned about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table and I was convinced that, that was my calling, literally dressed up as a knight every day for a month.”

You burst out laughing, griping his arm tight. “No way! You never told me that.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “not exactly my proudest moment. Didn’t really think that was the story to try and woo you with.”

“Fair enough.” You grinned.

It was your turn in line so you and Jimin both stepped forward, glancing over the menu quickly before making your selections and paying. You stepped off to the side, laying your head against Jimin’s shoulder and waiting for your food to be ready.

Jungkook came to stand beside the two of you once again, striking up conversation with Jimin as you linked your fingers with the later, playing with the knuckles on his hand to distract yourself. This was a very weird situation; to be trapped in the center of a conversation between your boyfriend and you’re your soulmate. You were really grateful that so far Jungkook hadn’t said anything.

After spending the next hour weaving your way through booths and chatting in your small group, Jimin expressed his interest in returning home. Tomorrow was officially the weekend and after a really early morning and long day at the office he was about ready to collapse.

“Well it was really nice to meet you, Jimin.” Jungkook smiled, extending his hand for a handshake.

“Likewise, Taehyung.”

As Jimin and you began to move away from him, you glanced over your shoulder at Jungkook who waved you a small goodbye. “Hold on.” You said softly to Jimin and he stopped with a nod.

You walked over to Jungkook pausing as you scanned his face carefully. “Thank you, Jungkook.” You whispered. “I’m sorry you had to lie; I just haven’t felt ready to tell him yet that…well that you’re back in my life. I promise I’ll tell him later. I just don’t want him to leave me. I love him.”

Jungkook nodded, his face a careful mask over his emotions and you waved softly, backing away. After walking back to Jimin and moving towards home again you glanced back one more time to find Jungkook still standing there, watching as you rounded the corner.

  Saturdays were one of your least favorite shifts to work (aside from the full moon because that crap was real) for all the obvious reasons, but also you were typically working 12-hour shifts and today was no different. It was 6 hours in and you were already tired.

Jungkook’s welcome party had started an hour ago and even though you’d had opportunities, you hadn’t been brave enough to go in yet. You’d seen his parents through the doorway and had been tempted to go say hello…but then what? Stand there awkwardly while you all thought the same thing? Standing next to your soulmate but not doing anything about it. No thanks.

The intensity of the shame was too much to bear.

You were stood by the nursing desk, trying to kill some extra time by flipping through the charts of one of your patients when Lizzy caught you.

“There you are!” She called and you stood up straight, smiling over your shoulder at her. “What are you doing out there? There’s free food in the break room, you know. They have French fries, Y/N, French fries!”

You chuckled rolling your eyes and leaning your elbows against the counter as you turned to face her. “Careful now, you just might start a stampede with your volume.”

“Come on, let’s go eat.” Lizzy said, threading her arm through yours and you balked at the idea, attempting to pull your arm away but she clung tight.

“I can’t, I’m busy.” You lied and Lizzy’s face darkened.

“Really? Busy reading Mrs. Chapelman’s chart for the 6th time in an hour? I’ve been watching you, Y/N.”

You huffed a sigh, tugging at your arm again and this time Lizzy relinquished her hold. “Well that’s not creepy.” You muttered, “I’m just not really feeling hungry.”

“Then come socialize.”

“Or social.”

Lizzy crossed her arms over her chest. “Seriously, what is going on with you? You barely know Dr. Jeon, why are you acting like this? It’s kind of childish.”

You frowned over at your friend, fingers tapping at the desk behind you. “You don’t even know what happened between us or anything so that’s pretty rich.”

“Yeah, because you won’t tell me anything!” Lizzy fumed, “it hasn’t been from lack of trying on my part. He’s a really nice guy so I really don’t get this grudge you seem to have against him.”

“If I go in there, can we stop talking about Jungkook?” You sighed with a rolled of your eyes. Lizzy examined you carefully and you fought the urge to fidget under her gaze.

“First name basis, huh?”

“Oh my gosh, Lizzy!” You laughed. “Seriously. I’ll go in if we stop talking about him.”

“Fine,” she sniffed, grabbing your wrist, “but at some point, you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on. I’ve been pretty patient, but you know I’m a nosy s.o.b and you haven’t been sharing your gossip.”

Just as the two of you stepped into the room Lizzy’s pager beeped and she looked down at it, groaning. “I’ve gotta go, but you need to at least go say hi!” She insisted, pointing her finger at you.

She stomped her way out the door and you tried to carefully follow after before anyone else could see you, but it was too late. Jungkook’s eyes skimmed the room, landing on you and he grinned, calling your name and waving his hand over his head. His parents stood beside him, dressed in simple but classy dress clothes and you made your way towards them, Mrs. Jeon holding her arms open for you.

“Y/N!” She cooed, pulling you into her embrace, “how are you? It’s been so long since we’ve seen you!”

You hugged Mr. and Mrs. Jeon before taking the drink Jungkook handed you and smiling at his parents. “Wow, it really has been so long. Like 9 years, right? Can you believe it?”

“You should come visit your parents more often.” Mrs. Jeon scolded and you nodded, embarrassed.

“You’re right, I haven’t been out that way in too long. Just seems like there’s always an emergency that needs attending to here.”

You all chuckled and Mr. Jeon wrapped his arm around your shoulders again, squeezing. “How have you been? What have you been doing?”

“I’ve been good; just working mostly. Trying to find that work life balance.”

“Are you excited for your sister’s wedding? It’s coming up really soon, just over two months, right?”

“That’s right!” You smiled, one hand sliding into the pocket of your scrubs and you took a sip of your drink. It was fruity and light; maybe passionfruit. “Two months and one week officially. Ella called me this morning to threaten my life if I don’t wear the shoes she’s ordered for me.”

Jungkook laughed and you smiled up at him. “That sounds like something she’d say.”

“Well then you’d better wear the shoes.” Mrs. Jeon chuckled, taking a bite of her food. “You should get some, by the way,” she said, pointing down at her plate, “They did not skimp on taste.”

Jungkook motioned for you to walk passed him and you bowed your head in thanks, moving towards the table with him right behind you. “How was the rest of your night last night?” He asked, dropping a couple drumsticks on his plate and scanning the rest of the table for what he wanted next.

You grabbed a plate yourself, heading straight for the fried rice, allowing the grumbling in your stomach to make decisions for you. “It was good; very casual. We ordered in some dessert, binge watched a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and then went to bed early.”

“On a Friday night?” He chuckled and you turned to him, smiling.

“Well Jimin stayed up a little later than me working on one of his cases, but I have a 12 hour shift today so I wanted to be well rested.”

“Fair enough. Glad I have today off.”

“Don’t rub it in.” You complained and he grinned. You stood by the table as you ate; time was limited so you wanted to shove as much in as you could while you could.

“Is Jimin coming as your plus one to the wedding?” Jungkook asked, chewing on one of the drumsticks on his plate and you looked up at him, nodding.

“Yeah, that’s the plan. Unless something crazy comes up at work, of course, but that’s doubtful.”

“I bet your family is really excited to see you. Has it really been 9 years since you’ve been back home?”

“Well, no,” you shook your head, “just 9 years since I’ve happened to see your parents. I’ve definitely been back home but it’s always been when they were out of town or schedules just didn’t match up.”

“Yeah, they’re out of town a lot,” he agreed, grabbing a roll from the pile on the table, “That’s my dream for retirement.”

“To travel?” You asked, looking up at him and he nodded.

“Yeah, everywhere I can get to. I wanna see the whole world. What about you? Are you interested in travel?”

Jungkook’s parents were talking to Dr. Kim a few feet away and you watched them for a moment in thought. You wondered what they thought about all of this. Jungkook’s job, how far he’s come, this hospital, the fact that you worked here…just you in general. You’d never felt like your relationship with them suffered, but you knew, even if they didn’t say it, that they wanted you and Jungkook to be together.

Sometimes…when you weren’t paying attention to how your thoughts strayed, you wished that it could be that simple. That old wounds would heal and maybe some how things would work out. Life never worked how you thought it would, though.

“I mean, yeah, definitely.” You nodded, turning back to look at Jungkook. His hair was pushed back and away from his face and you could see that he had a mild undercut. You wondered if that was new. “Who doesn’t want to see the world? If only money allowed.”

“I’m a big believer in the fact that it’s not money that holds us back, more like lack of time and the will to make the sacrifices needed to save. One time, in college, my parents told me that they were going to go visit family in Korea in the spring. I only had about 5 months to save so I literally stopped spending money on things that weren’t necessary and saved a ton. It just took a lot of dedication.”

“Doesn’t that take some fun out of life, though? What if I want to go to lunch?” You grinned and he smiled back.

“Depends where your priorities lie, I suppose. I was willing to put off a few every day activities for 2 weeks of adventure. It was pretty worth it in my books.”

You sighed, taking a large sip of your drink and Jungkook watched your throat bob as he waited to hear what was on your mind. “Do you ever take a break from being obnoxiously good at all things?” You teased and he grinned, shrugging.

“There’s no rest for the brilliant.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes and smacking his arm. “You’re so full of yourself.” Just then your pager beeped and you frowned, throwing away your empty plate. “Duty calls. I’m gonna go say goodbye to your parents.”

Jungkook nodded and you made you way over to bid your goodbyes before heading back out into the hallway and over to the labor ward. They were a little short tonight and needed someone to administer an epidural.

You had a cesarean section in an hour anyway so it was probably better to stay close to the area. Someone calling your name made you pause and you turned to find Jungkook jogging towards you. “Hey, sorry, I know you’re busy. My parents are leaving back home tomorrow night and they were wondering if you had any free time tomorrow, they want to take you out to eat.”

“Just me and your parents?” You asked, eyebrow raised and he chuckled, running his fingers through his hair and looking down at the ground.

“Well, no, I’d be there too.”

You scratched at your pant leg in thought, “Well, I’m working tomorrow night and into Monday morning so I could really only do something in the morning or early afternoon.”

“What about brunch? Would you be available for that?” He suggested, eyebrows raised.

“Sure, I think I can swing brunch,” You shrugged, “I’ve really gotta run, though.”

“Well how can I get a hold of you to tell you the details?” He asked as you began to move away and you stopped.

You looked around before grabbing a marker from the nurse’s desk next to you and reaching for his hand, scribbling your number down in his palm. “There,” you looked up at him, lips quirking up. “Problem solved.”

You placed the marker back in its place before nodding and turning around, walking around the corner and away from the man who had now made a habit of making your heart race.

  When your shift was over you made your way wearily to your car, chucking your bag into the passenger seat and turning the key in the ignition; the car whirring to life noisily. It was only 7:15 but you’d been working for 12 hours straight and right now, you thought your feet might actually fall off.

The drive home was quiet. No music to disturb, rush hour long over. The quiet was nice; peaceful after a day of emotional turmoil and emergency surgeries. You enjoyed your drives home; like a reset of your emotional state, allowing you to breathe and feel human again. At least until the next shift.

Sometimes working in medicine, you did feel like a robot. It could become all too easy to switch off your emotions, especially in the cases when someone died in your care. Having to tell families that someone they’d trusted you with was gone…it was honestly the worst part of your job. All the monitoring and work in surgery was daunting, yes, but it usually paid off with a healthy person at the end.

But sometimes it didn’t.

Those moments made you bleed red, like somehow you’d died instead, lost a piece of your soul with the person you couldn’t protect. You’d seen many really good doctors just switch off; self-preservation, as it were. You understood it; that need to protect your own heart. It was tempting, sometimes, to want to switch off and just become robotic. Get the job done and don’t lose any of yourself in the process.

That’s not how it worked, though. In a choice like that, you always lost more of yourself when you chose to stop feeling. Choosing to embrace the emotion, you liked to believe it made you a more empathetic person. You wanted to grieve with those who were grieving; show them that they weren’t alone.

It was draining, though.

After parking your car and switching off the engine, you slid your bag back over your shoulder and made your way towards the elevator. You locked your car from over your shoulder.

The hallway was relatively quiet this evening, which was nice. Usually you could hear your neighbors trying to corral their two young children into their nighttime routine. Whatever it was, the kids hated it and you got to hear about it every night. You smiled at the thought, slipping your key into the lock of your front door and making your way into the apartment.

The house was quiet but the lights were on. “Jimin?” You called, making your way towards the living room.

He sat on the couch, eyes trained down on the floor and something about his silence was earie. Something felt…off.

“So, something really interesting happened today.” Jimin said, lips pursed as he picked at the fluff of one of your couch cushions. From the look on his face, it seemed like that something wasn’t a good thing.

“Oh?” You said, fingers griping tightly at the strap of your satchel “What happened?”

“I met a man today, at the store, we got chatting and we figured out that you both work together. His name was Taehyung Kim. You know what’s particularly interesting?” You heart plummeted as he looked up at you, face ridged from his emotion. “He looked nothing like the Taehyung Kim I met.”

There was silence for what felt like forever, a sharp stillness as Jimin watched you carefully, gauging your reaction.

“Who did I meet last night, Y/N?” He asked and you couldn’t help the tears as they welled in your eyes. “Who was that?”

He stood and your arm went limp, your bag sliding from your shoulder and onto the floor. “It was Jungkook.” You whispered.

“Who?” Jimin asked, voice sharp and you felt a tear slip over and onto your cheek.

“Jungkook.”

“How long has he been back?” The stone in his voice was terrifying.

“It’s been three weeks.” You mumbled, mouth wet with emotion.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jimin snapped, pacing across the room angrily, “for weeks you’ve been working with him and you never said a word!”

“I’m sorry!” You cried, “I really didn’t want to worry you. There’s nothing going on between us, I swear, we’re just coworkers. You know how the soulmates thing works, he and I are always going to have our lives revolve around each other.”

“Do you want to be with him?” He asked tersely.

“No!” You insisted, coming to stand in front of him, gripping his forearms.

“Does he want to be with you?” He asked softly.

You paused, not really sure of the answer. While he hadn’t exactly expressed his interest in words directly to you, his actions seemed to indicate that, that might be something on his mind. Your silence was all Jimin needed.

“Great.” Jimin replied sourly, “I guess this is it then, right? Gonna leave me for your soulmate?”

“No!” You balked, pulling him to you as he tried to turn away, “Jimin, you know I don’t believe in the soulmate thing. Just because his name is on my wrist doesn’t mean he suddenly adds value to my life; he never has. I don’t want to be with him, I want to be with you. I love you.”

Jimin frowned and your heart stuttered slightly in your chest; he almost looked…guilty. “I’ve gotta get some air.” He muttered, turning and storming from the apartment before you could stop him.

  It had been three hours since Jimin had left, insisting he needed air. You were beginning to think he’d gone to a friend’s house when suddenly the keys in the lock roused your attention. You watched from your spot at the kitchen table as Jimin walked in, dropping his keys and his jacket on the console table and running his hands along his jeans before shoving them in fists into his pockets.

“Are you ok?” You asked softly, clutching tighter to your mug. Jimin took a deep breath, walking slowly into the kitchen but pausing in the doorway. Something wasn’t right.

“We need to talk.” He said, leaning against the door jam and your heart seized in your chest. You motioned for him to take the seat beside you and he moved slowly, sliding down onto the chair and folding his hands in front of him on the table. “I haven’t been 100% honest with you.” He said, gaze trained on the divots of the oak table you were both sitting at. Your stomach rolled uncomfortably but you waited for him to continue. “I tried to fight it for a while, tried to practice what I preach…but I’ve reached a point where I realize I just can’t anymore.”

“Tried to fight what?” You whispered. You were terrified. You’d heard this story before and it didn’t end well for you.

“I met Molly.” Jimin mumbled sadly, glancing up at you and you could feel your heart shatter. 8 years together, a lifetime of future plans already made suddenly evaporated.

“Ok.” You murmured hoarsely. You could feel the tears already pricking at your eyes. It wasn’t fair, what had you ever done to deserve this sort of heart break? Each guy you’d dated who’d insisted he didn’t believe in soulmates always seemed to change their tune once they’d met them. It was never ending disappointment.

“You remember that crazy couple that’s been going through my firm to get a divorce? Always screaming and asking for emergency meetings? Turns out the wife’s maiden name is Fisher.”

Molly Fisher. It was burned into your mind along with the skin of Jimin’s wrist, a constant reminder that he was never really yours to begin with…just like the name on your own wrist was a reminder that in the end, you weren’t really any bodies. It hurt so badly. You weren’t equipped to handle this sort of pain; how could you just pretend the last 8 years hadn’t happened? How could you watch the love of your life leave you for no other reason than the fact that the universe deemed it so?

"I thought you didn't believe in soulmates?" You mumbled. Your mouth felt heavy with emotion and tears were streaming down your cheeks.

"I didn't." Jimin sighed, "Until I met mine. I don't know how Jungkook did it, knowing you for so long and just giving you up. I've only known Molly three weeks and I can't imagine trying to breath without her."

You couldn't help the sob that escaped you and Jimin's bottom lip quivered at the sound. "I'm so sorry." He choked.

You nodded soundlessly, trying to regain your composure. “I know you are.”

“I never meant for this to happen!” Jimin cried, reaching out and taking your hand in his own. “I love you; you know I love you...but I can’t deny that it’s different. The way I feel about you and the way I feel about her are…” he paused at the trembling of your bottom lip and he looked down at your hands, sniffing, “it’s just something I can’t really ignore anymore.”

“I understand.” You said, standing and wiping at your tear stained cheeks, sniffing noisily as you tried to stop the wave of emotion that was overcoming you. “You should probably go, though, I don’t think your soulmate would like you being here with me.” You walked towards the living room, heart seizing as you heard Jimin cry louder.

“What do you want me to do?” He sobbed, standing and coming to hover at the kitchen door, “what am I supposed to do in this situation? Just tell me and I’ll do it!” He looked half out of his mind and in that moment, though your heart was still bleeding in the center of your chest, you felt immense pity for this man that you loved. He was torn between two horrifyingly difficult choices. Stay with the woman he was in love with and deny the pull to his soulmate, or give you up and follow his destiny with a woman he already loved so much more than he could express? You could already see that intense love on his face, the one they always talked about. No matter what he did, someone was going to get hurt.

And it looked like it was going to be you.

“You should go to her.” You mumbled, “I can’t keep you…I have to believe that I love you enough to let you go.”

“Don’t say that.” Jimin frowned, “I don’t want you to let me go.”

“But you want to be with Molly.” You said it as though it were a question, though you knew it was also fact. Jimin’s frown deepened because he couldn’t deny it. “You can’t have us both, Jimin, it’s greedy and not fair. I’m not willing to share you so you have to choose.”

Jimin stared at you in silence and you nodded, pursing your lips. “I’m going to stay with a friend tonight. You can get your stuff together and do whatever. We’ll sort out the lease on this apartment later. Right now, I just really need to go.”

“Y/N!” He called as you yanked open the door. You turned to look at him over your shoulder and he sighed, eyes bloodshot with tears. “What am I supposed to do without you?”

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” You whispered, “Goodbye, Jimin.”

 The evening was surprisingly cool for the time of year; though the summer had come and gone, the days were still warm and sticky. You wished you’d brought your jacket but there was no way you were going back to the apartment now. You needed time to breathe and Jimin needed time to pack.

You felt like your heart was splintering all over again at the thought of him. You needed comfort. Food, you needed food. Your favorite diner was just around the corner and you picked up your steps, making your way through the door with a jingle of the bell and you smiled meekly at the hostess as she greeted you.

“Table for one?” She smiled and you nodded, following after her. She led you to your favorite table, pushed back against the wall and with a view out into the city. Leaving you with the menu and a promise to bring you a cup of hot chocolate pronto, you sighed, pushing your nose deep into the menu and scanning for something that would help you feel less miserable.

Maybe pancakes.

The sound of someone sliding into the vinyl seat across from you roused your attention and you looked up to find Jungkook, doe eyes wide and smiling as he surveyed you. He held in his hand a coffee mug and you eyed it wearily.

“Coffee at 10:30pm on a Saturday?” You asked and his smile deepened.

“Decaf.” When you said nothing he continued, “So what brings you here so late?”

“Jungkook,” you sighed, setting your menu down heavily, “do you need something?”

“I just thought you could use some company.” He replied and you frowned.

  “Well, no offense, but I’ve had a pretty terrible night and you are kind of the last person I’d seek comfort from.”

You felt bad, Jungkook actually looked a little hurt and you closed your eyes, rubbing at them in frustration. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve just had a really bad night.”

“Is it anything I can help with?” He asked carefully and you sighed again, staring down at the menu.

“Not really.” You shrugged.

“Where’s Jimin tonight?” Jungkook asked. You knew he meant well, was trying to distract you from your thoughts…if only he’d known how poor that conversation starter was.

“At home packing, I presume.” You muttered weakly.

“Packing?” You could hear Jungkook’s discomfort.

“It would be weird to continue to live with one another after breaking up.” You said, feigning a casual air you most certainly did not feel.

“I’m so sorry.” Jungkook mumbled, and really, he did look very sorry, which was more comforting than it should have been.

“That’s what happens when you meet your soulmate, I guess…well, sometimes.” You tried not to look at him, but you could see him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, fingers tapping against his porcelain mug. It was silent for a while before the waitress came, delivering Jungkook’s food and your drink before promising to be back with your food soon.

“Want a fry?” Jungkook asked, pushing his plate towards you and you smiled.

“Sure.” You took a fry from his plate, chewing on the end of it and watching as he took a bite of his burger.

“Look,” he said after he’d swallowed his mouthful and chased it down with a sip of his coffee, “I know we’re not exactly…close, or what not, but if you need a place to stay, I’ve got a spare room, you’re more than welcome to stay the night.”

“That’s very generous of you,” you smiled, “but I’m OK. I’ll just call a friend and ask to spend the night. Beside aren’t your parents with you?”

“No, they wanted to stay in a hotel.” He said, “Are you sure, though? I really won’t bother you. My place isn’t too far away and the guest room has its own bathroom.”

“Thank you, Jungkook, really. I just think, considering our history, it’s probably not the best idea.”

“Can we put history aside for one night?” He asked softly, “I just want to help you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll get through this.”

“I know you will.” He replied confidently, “you’re strong, stronger than anyone I know. You’re passionate, intelligent, and kind. It’s not a question of whether you’ll get through it but whether you’ll let people who genuinely care about you help you.”

“And you would consider yourself one of those people?” You questioned, thanking the waitress as she dropped off your pancakes.

“Look, Y/N, I was 18 years old when I made that choice. I was scared and made a rash decision but it doesn’t mean that I never cared. I’ve done a poor job of showing it, but I’ve cared about you my entire life. Please let me help you.”

You chewed on your pancakes slowly as you considered him. Maybe you were being unfair, still holding this grudge against him. The both of you had been just barely 18 and there had been a lot of sudden changes. You weren’t ready to think of him in the context of falling in love, and you probably never would be…but perhaps you could be friends.

Sighing you nodded, “OK. Just for tonight. Tomorrow I’ll be back in my apartment, though.”

“Yes, of course!” He beamed and you couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Here it is.” Jungkook said softly, flicking on the lights at the front entrance and ushering you through. It was simply furnished, with clean lines and warm tones. It was similar in size to your own apartment, but with a more open plan style. “Let me show you the guest room.”

He led you down a separate hallway, pushing open the door on your right. “It’s nothing, fancy,” he mumbled, rubbing at the back of his neck, “but there’s blankets and pillows, an en suite, and the mattress is pretty comfortable.”

Simple grey’s and browns showcased the room perfectly and you smiled. “It’s great,” you said softly, “thank you.”

“I suppose you don’t have a tooth brush or pajamas, huh?” At the shake of your head he raised one finger, walking quickly back out of the room and you listened to the shuffling sounds at the end of the hallway. “Here,” he said, returning with a towel, a new tooth brush, and a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. “The clothes are washed and clean; I hope they fit. Let me know if you need anything else.”

You smiled, taking the small pile from him and nodding, “thanks, Jungkook.”

After he’d left the room you closed the door, changing into the pajamas provided and going to brush your teeth and wash your face. The shirt was a little too baggy and the shorts sagged on your hips, but you were happy to have clothes to sleep in; you didn’t really fancy sleeping in your jeans or even worse, your underwear. Not with Jungkook around, anyway.

After you’d finished preparing for bed you decided you wanted a glass of water to help you settle down. Stepping back into the hallway you padded slowly towards the kitchen in search of a cup. You hoped Jungkook had retreated to his room but those hopes were quickly dashed as you found him sitting at the kitchen Island, medical book opened across the countertop and laptop attached at the fingers.

He looked up at you in surprise before sitting up straight. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you need me to turn off the lights? I didn’t realize they reached all the way to the bedroom.” He made a move to stand but you motioned for him to sit and he slowly complied.

“No, you’re fine, I actually just wanted a glass of water before bed.”

“Oh, of course. Here, let me get that for you.” He said, pushing off the stool he’d been sat on.

“It’s really not necessary,” you insisted as he rounded the counter, “you’ve already been very kind to me, you can just point me to the cups.”

“Nonsense.” He smiled, pulling a glass from a cupboard above your head and moving to the fridge to get some water. “You’re my guest, let me take care of you. Go ahead and sit down.”

You moved reluctantly to the bar stool next to his, taking a seat and waiting for him to return with your drink. “Thank you.” You said, softly, as he slid the cup into your hands. “So, what are you working on?” You asked, setting your cup down on the counter after a careful sip.

“Just brushing up.” He smiled. “There’s a lot to remember and it’s all kind of overwhelming sometimes.”

You nodded, staring down into your mug. “Yeah, I remember being really intimidated when I first started. Sometimes I still feel a little overwhelmed if it’s a complicated case or something. We walk a fine line between life and death and it’s hard not knowing if you’re being delicate enough.”

“That’s exactly it! That’s why I wanted to be a surgeon, though. Knowing that I can do something to make people’s lives better. Some of the people who end up on that table are going to be having the worst moment of their life and I have the power to make a positive impact. It makes my heart race just thinking about it.”

“Sounds like you chose the right profession.” You smiled, looking over at him and he blushed, bowing his head down into his chest.

“I hope I can make a good doctor.”

“Jungkook…you’re already a good doctor. The fact that you care so much, means something. It’s not easy to look into the faces of the families whose loved ones have died on our tables. There’s going to be times when you just want to give up, but as long as you keep trying and caring the way you do right now, you’ll be successful.”

He smiled, bashful, staring down at the keys on his laptop, fingers tapping gently in thought. “Thanks Y/N, that’s mean a lot…especially coming from you.” He looked up at you and you felt like your heart might seize right in your chest. “You know, since you’re such a good doctor.” He stuttered and you nodded, taking a gulp of water from your cup and standing.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. I should probably get to bed now, it’s…” You sighed, “It’s been a long day.”

Jungkook nodded and you lifted your glass at him in a salute before turning around and walking back into the guest bedroom.

++++

Wow, thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry this one was sad, but it was necessary. After all, this is a Jungkook story, is it not? ;)

Let me know what you think <3

Chapter 12

Chapter 14

Copyright © 2018 by taeken-my-heart. All rights reserved.

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #420

lol blaze it (i’m funny i swear)

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? Without a doubt, Bojangle's. Good. Shit. Are there hurricanes where you live? Yeah, they're common here. What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. What song are you listening to right now? "Beast of Gévaudan" by Powerwolf. What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Also my only concert. What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? Alice In Wonderland. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. Do you like pumpkin pie? Anything pumpkin-flavored is a hell no from me. Do you know anyone named Austin? Knew, rather. Do you know anyone who is having a baby? My friend recently announced she and her husband are having their second child in December. What was the last thing you cried about? Just PTSD. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both, but I prefer chocolate. Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. How many deep dark secrets do you have? Two or so, idk. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of the hottest sauces. Wanted to die. ... Yet I continued to get that one whenever I went for years lmao. Who last called you sexy? I don't know. Would you class yourself as a good role model? In some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Are you scared of the dark? No. Do you have a motto? No. Who did you last see on webcam? The doctor that overlooks my TMS progress. Do you need a haircut? I need a trim for sure. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well, considering 1.) she's way past menopause and especially 2.) she's had a complete hysterectomy, y'know... that's kind of impossible. She also hasn't been with a guy in many years, so she would have to be joking. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? -___- Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? ALONE. You will NOT see me exercise in front of other people. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? The most involved is DEFINITELY World of Warcraft, and I guess you could consider it the hardest too, given some of the much more difficult things I've done in it. It itself isn't a hard game whatsoever, but you can pursue some really hard achievements. Ever watch the show Supernatural? If you have, then what’s your favorite episode? I used to love it, but just stopped watching eventually. My fave episode... Man, it's been too long to remember many. Probably one of the funnier ones. I remember I specifically liked the bit where they were in your everyday comedy show, as well as the one where I THINK Dean kept trying to prevent Sam from dying. I just remember the "Eye of the Tiger" bit that is pure gold. Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? Oh, no, but that sounds good. Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? Yeah, Pokemon. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? Besides butter, which I think is pretty standard, no. When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? Uh, I dunno. It depends on the book. I don't really care about page numbers. Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? Yeah. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Girt, probably. Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? I don't think so? When is the last time you cried? I was sobbing earlier today, fun stuff. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? Most likely not. ESPECIALLY at my age. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? Oh god. WoW, M:tG, big glasses, anime (does that count? idk really), video games... a lot of stuff, really. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? Y I K E S, no. That would be SO uncomf. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? Actually raising it properly, physically and emotionally. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? No. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? No. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? It'd be cool to have someone you feel an almost supernatural connection towards, but I'd also feel like I wasn't as "original" as I would be if I was born alone. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? I mean it wasn't awful at all, but sure, in some ways compared to at least someone. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? Well today I'm a wreck, so don't tell me. I want to know that I wasn't lied to for 25 years. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? I'm not entirely clear on this, but I'm 90% sure Dad cheated on Mom with his now-wife. Dad also accused Mom of cheating, but I HIGHLY doubt that's true. Do you like cleaning and organizing? Not really. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? Fuck having kids. I'd be a terrible mother. So to answer the other question, I'll be pretty, pretty sad if I can't get permission to spread Teddy's ashes at Yellowstone. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? Well, obviously not considering my dream job is a meerkat biologist, and I'm not moving to Africa. Have you ever been robbed? No. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? Not anymore. Dad was, but he's recovered. Have you ever dumped anyone? Yes. What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Risk his fucking sanity and health to try to hold my fucked up self up. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual. I've kinda been questioning pansexual of the late, though. I don't know. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? Not to my memory. Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: Regret. Hopelessness. Loneliness. And the reasons for these feelings? Take a wild fuckin' guess. How do you feel about your life right now? It's an actual dumpster fire. Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? Fuck no. Because there's just not very much TO like about me. Even on my good days, I see flaw after flaw in myself. What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. What subjects do not? Math, economics, politics, history... Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? Definitely fiction. When I read a book, I want an escape from the real world. How has today been for you? BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did you do? Went to TMS therapy. Sat on the Internet. Cried. :^) Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? No. Are there any lava lamps near you? No. I want one, though. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Are any of your friends a pothead? Yes. What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? Start losing weight again. That'd be pretty goddamn grand. Are you a high maintenance person? Definitely not. The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? I was having a nightmare. Have you ever been heartbroken? For sure. Who did that to you? First Dad, then Jason. Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? Boy, did I. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: A pb&j. The last time you spent most of the day in bed: Literally every day. I do just about everything in bed. Pathetic, I know. The last friend or acquaintance you made: Ummmm idk. The last thing you took pictures of: A hydrangea bush. The last time you were scared: Now. The future is terrifying, my friend. The last thing you looked up online: The definition of a word to ensure I was using it correctly. The last thing you disagreed with: So I've been watching John Wolfe's old stream of him playing Alice: Madness Returns, and he went on a total soapbox about smoking being okay essentially because we're all gonna die eventually from something, and I really disagreed with it. Does your house have a separate laundry room? No, just like a closet. Do your parents still help you financially? I'm still entirely dependent on them. Does your car have a backup camera? No. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? REALLY old, no. Teddy was definitely up there, but beagles have lived longer. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Lysol. Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? Christ, no. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No. Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? Don't think so? Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever broken into someone’s house? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I dunno. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Funny you ask, because as of today I decided to take a break from it for awhile. I've found it's nothing more than a breeding ground for envy and making me feel like a horribly incompetent adult. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? I had one photography teacher in college that I was NOT a fan of. He was super, super hard on everyone, like to an unnecessary degree. We were students, not pros. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Are your parents supportive of you? Somehow.

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[oh-i-swear-writes]

hi! do you have any advice for first time kitten owners? thanks:)

Oh wow - okay.  Right.  So I’m going to preface this with the fact that any advice I might give below is purely based on my own experiences with Percy (and the cats I’ve had at my Mum’s place before that) and that I’m not in any way a qualified vet/animal professional! 

Below the cut because this got long (I just really like talking about my cat, okay...)

CHOOSING A KITTEN

Okay, so this might seem silly, but consider what type of kitten you’re choosing.  Some people actually find that kittens are a bit too high energy - in which case, perhaps a shelter cat would be a better choice as they can be a bit older and a bit more placid.

People also think that breeds only matter when you’re dealing with dogs - but actually the breed of a cat can make a difference.  Percy, for example, is a Siamese cross, so she doesn’t look like your typical Siamese at first glance, but she actually has very large ears, a very long tail and a certain face shape - but also she carries Siamese-esque personality traits, such as being particularly curious, particularly noisy and actually very intelligent.  I’d always say do a little research to make sure you’re choosing the right kind of cat for you. 

Always go to the home of the kitten to see them - I appreciate some Covid restrictions might make that difficult, but it’s best to see the kitten with their mother, even if it’s by video call.  If someone wants to meet you for example in a car park, probably not the best plan.  Basically, if something smells fishy, it probably is. 

SUPPLIES

Okay, fairly obviously, you’re going to need some things before kitty comes home.  It’s fairly easy to get overwhelmed in a pet store because there are so many items they say you need, and so many variants of each item available!  Now this part really is personal experience, but my shopping list (if I were to start again) would be something like this :

- Kitten food - This is usually clearly marked for 2-12 months or similar, and you can get wet and dry.  Percy has a mixture of both throughout the day.  Kitten food is different to normal cat food because it’s higher calorie, which makes sense when you see how much a kitten will dash around!

- Food/water bowls - I’ve found that Percy is perfectly happy with the food bowl with a water compartment, but I know some cats don’t like that because they won’t drink water from near their food as in the wild it would be contaminated.  If you use a combination bowl but your cat is still drinking from taps or similar it might be because of that, but it’s a bit trial and error.

- A bed - Now, we’ve tried open beds, but Percy prefers her Minnie Mouse kitten cave - probably because it’s enclosed and feels safe.  You might struggle to get a kitten to go into a bed at first - perhaps when you pick them up ask the person you’re getting the kitten from to provide something (a scarf, heck, even a scrap of material) that’s been around the mother cat for a bit.  The scent will be comforting whilst they settle!  

- A litter tray and kitty litter - Fairly self explanatory - ours is one with a top and a door to stop her flicking litter all over the bathroom when she tries to bury her business! 

- Toys - Hoo boy, kittens need enrichment.  That said, it’s easy to go way over the top.  I’d honestly start with one of each variety -  a wand toy, a ball type toy, soft toys... But really.  Everyone who knows me and my cat knows that Percy is Princess Pom Pom because she just loves pom poms and will play fetch.  That said, she also loves her cat tree for climbing, and adores her tunnel! 

WHEN YOU FIRST GET HOME

So, Percy was actually a pretty shy kitten.  She didn’t really like people and that was why she was the last of her litter left.  I knew this when I was taking her on and I knew I’d have to put in work.

When you first get home the general advice is to keep them to one room.  In our case, we used the bathroom so that she’d always know where her litter tray was going forwards as that is where it has stayed.  When she first got back I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting on the bathroom floor with her and letting her come to me.  She was tiny - she was only 8 weeks old and a dink of a thing! 

It took a few days before we let her free roam the flat, but we still put her back in the bathroom at night for the first few weeks just in case.  Again, this decision was based off of the advice we had received from our vet and from various internet sources.  It’s mainly so they don’t get lost/overwhelmed. 

She did cry that first few nights and it was heartbreaking, but I think that was because for all intents and purposes she was a baby who had just been separated from her Mum.  We tried to let her get on with it as she had to learn it was okay to be alone, and that’s worked out... even if she now sleeps on the bed! 

We introduced new people gradually - which got almost immediately paused due to the UK lockdowns.  As it stands she’s now much better with people than she’s ever been but she’s cautious.

GENERAL ADVICE

Percy is cute, but she can be an asshole.  I’ve had to put a lot of work into getting her not to claw the carpets and climb my wooden window frames.  I’ve had to be super patient with it all and just keep stopping her.  Some days it’s battle of the wills, but progress is being made!  Be prepared to be patient, I guess!

Be ready to play - I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spend throwing pom poms for Percy to fetch or waving around a wand toy like it’s my job.  But she needs that; she has energy to burn and generally it’s great fun for both of us.

Don’t assume any cat will automatically be a lap cat - actually, Percy generally isn’t.  Sometimes she comes for a snuggle and I feel honoured and blessed by it when it happens.  That might change as she gets older - she’s not even one yet - but for now I have to accept her as she is (and honestly, I adore her regardless of anything). 

Consider insurance - Percy is insured to make sure I don’t have any sudden enormous vet bills.  I’ve gone for a level which would also cover any chronic illnesses and ongoing treatment she may need as she gets older. 

Consider spaying and neutering - I knew that more Percy’s was not what the world needed.  Honestly, it didn’t.  One is enough for everyone.  And I know I’m not in a place to deal with it, so Percy has been spayed.  If you want more kittens in the future, go ahead and all, but do your research.

Flea and worm treatments - these can be administered by your vet or done at home.  Obviously, it’s a part of the cat-upkeep package and you’re going to want to do that to keep your baby comfortable and also keep your home free of any infestation.

Most of all, the relationship you’ll have with your cat is based on trust and love.  You have to make sure you’re in charge, but that they know they’re loved and cared for.  The best way is spending time with them, whether it’s playing, grooming (especially important with long haired breeds!) or just talking to them, you’ll build that relationship.  Percy, for me, has been more of a handful than I anticipated - but I’ve got to know and understand her and we have a little routine now and we know what we’re going together.  As long as you’re prepared to love them and care for them, you’re probably not going to go far wrong, and given you’ve asked this Nonnie, I reckon your heart is in the right place!

I hope this helps - but if anyone has anything useful to add please do <3

[thots-n-prayers-2137]

OKAY TIME FOR THE MUSHROOMING AU LET’S GO AAAAAAAAA

I’ll warn everyone. Under the cut you’ll find a LOT of rambling about mushrooms. Not only the AU. Feel warned.

Also some spoilers for 2-2 I guess.

Okay so! First things first! In Poland, where I come from, people traditionally go to local forests to pick mushrooms (especially during autumn!). There are tons of species, too! Some popular edible ones include:

(Borowik szlachetny, Boletus edulis, photo by Staszek99 on Wikimedia)

(Podgrzybek zajączek, Xerocomus subtomentosus, photo by Basik07 on Wikimedia)

(Czubajka kania, Macrolepiota procera, photo by Chrumps on Wikimedia)

There are also tons of inedible and poisonous ones, like:

(Muchomor czerwony, Amanita muscaria, photo by Onderwijsgek on Wikimedia)

(Borowik szatański, Rubroboletus satanas, photo by Archenzo on Wikimedia)

(Mleczaj wełnianka, Lactarius torminosus, photo by Jerzy Opioła on Wikimedia)

There are four main rules of picking mushrooms in Poland -

1) Don’t pick mushrooms that you aren’t 100% sure that they are edible. There are a lot of similar edible and inedible fungi with lamella (I’ll explain that later) in Poland! That’s why it’s so important - it can be deadly to eat the wrong mushroom.

2) Mushrooms with tubes are generally safe to eat, except Rubroboletus satanas, but it tastes terrible anyway so you probably won’t eat it in an amount high enough to die. And let me note something. THIS RULE ONLY APPLIES TO POLAND, PLEASE CHECK YOUR LOCAL MUSHROOM SPECIES (AND LAWS) BECAUSE MUSHROOMS WITH TUBES ARE NOT ***INHERENTLY*** SAFE TO EAT, IT’S A LOCAL THING!!! But yeah, that’s how it works here. “But what are lamella and tubes?” Those are the hymenophores, baby! I can’t exactly remember what they are (something with reproduction, for sure), but it’s the bottom of the mushroom. That’s a lamella-type:

(Photo by Strobilomyces on Wikimedia)

And that’s a tubes-type:

(Photo by Jerzy Opioła on Wikimedia)

3) Always cut the mushrooms off by the bottom, rather than pull them out of the ground. This way they can regrow! The way fungi grow is really fascinating, but basically, the mushroom can regrow from that little part. Wow! Also, that means you have to bring a knife to mushroom-picking. A small one is enough.

4) Don’t destroy inedible mushrooms. They’re inedible to people, but not the animals! Plus, they’re an important part of the ecosystem, and are often really pretty. Just don’t.

Those rules are the very basics! Like, it’s things that children in grades 1-3 learn at school! More professional mushroom-pickers will probably know which mushrooms are in symbiose with what trees, where are the best spots, which mushrooms with lamella are safe and all the good stuff. I’m on the “don’t even look at mushrooms with lamella” side of things, haha.

Mushrooms are also traditionally put into baskets, while being collected:

(Photo by me!)

But I saw some people put theirs into buckets as well. This is not recommended, as plastic isn’t as breathable as wicker, however, it’s mostly people who sell mushrooms so they have to pick a lot of them. But there are even madlads with plastic bags... *shivers*

But that’s enough of an intro! Now the ACTUAL AU stuff!

(while my thoughts on mushrooms were really nicely packed, the thoughts on the AU will NOT)

okay so basically in all honesty i was mostly thinking about... kanna. i even tried to design her! i kinda left my drawings at home and theyre not even particularly well-drawn NOR do they, like, show what i *want* her to look like. some notes include:

id mostly use the color scheme from her canon outfit?

instead of the white uniform skirt, she gets a pair of magenta pants (it would be pretty impractical to wear a short skirt for mushroom-picking, and white isn’t an option because it’s easy to get that dirty in a forest)

a simple dark green jacket, with some lighter green/white accents here and there. 

im thorn between giving her brown boots and more sport-y shoes... aaaaa boots are more practical but i personally usually go in sporty shoes cuz my boots have a weird love-hate relationship with my pants so yknow

since most people pick mushrooms during fall, it would probably be cold so she gets a scarf. idk *what* scarf yet but she gets one dangit (on a sidenote, i decided that i dont really want shin to have a scarf. maybe ill explain a bit later)

also she gets this sort of. cloth thing. the word in polish is “chusta” and my dictionary translates it to scarf but my understanding of scarves and chusty is telling me - not every chusta is a scarf and vice versa. the sort of thing i mean is, like, a square bandana, but not exactly? or maybe it is a bandana???? example photos:

(from owasowa.pl store!)

(from avanti24.pl!)

and the specific chusta i want for kanna is. like, white with magenta flowers? colors cuz her canon color scheme and flowers cuz her death + flowers are pretty and a popular motif for that stuff

i personally usually wear my chusta tied under the chin rather than behind my neck but i can’t find any photos like that so just. imagine??? i guess???? also unlike the models i leave some of my hair at front cuz it looks cute

remember what i said about buckets? screw that she gets a blue bucket. like from her head but a bit bigger so she can fit more mushrooms in there

and here im thorn between making her super good at picking mushrooms OR under average for her age aaaaaaaaaa can you imagine my pain

like, the super good part could maybe come from like, the newfound love for kugie? like, maybe kugie’s family is just great at mushroompicking in general and bringing her to forests for walks&mushrooming could be a fun lil thing that they would be doing aaaaaa

but the under average part could be coming from her having a difficult childhood so she could only start learning that stuff at later age, yknow?

i was also thinking about shin a bit (he lives in my head with relatively low rent, of COURSE i was thinking about him, lil miss “shin on pfp”). i want him to be a VERY, like, basic-level guy, like, “no mushrooms with lamella” “doesnt know whats in symbiose with what” sort. kinda like me, huh since his canon outfit seems to be quite good for mushroompicking actually, my only changes would be that he closes his jacket now cuz its cold AND he gets no scarf rights. i. don’t know how to articulate why i think it’s a good idea. but its partially cuz it would be hillarious for him to be freezing but pretending he ISNT. also he gets a regular basket? like, the one I showed as an example is pretty thin and atypical, im thinking really more regular wicker. id say its a typical święconka basket but i’d need to explain what a święconka is so maybe not.

i was. trying to to think about joe and sara a bit? i only got that they both have light blue softshells but in slightly different shades? and they have currently both baskets but joe tried to use a plastic bag at some point. sara is okay with species (i KNOW i kinda dragged the “no mushrooms with lamella” rule, but it’s REALLY what most people are using. it’s simple and reliable, you’re just missing out some dubious mushrooms, really), but bad at noticing them, the exact opposite of joe.

thats. all the thoughts i have im sorry i dont include any other characters i just didnt think about them and i needed to get out what i already had, heres a handful graph of amount of thought i gave to every character, made in like 1 minute in MS Paint:

so yeah. aaaaa

[ranma-rewatch]

Episode 24: Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen

I cannot believe it’s here. Welcome back to the Ranma Rewatch, and it’s time to finish the Phoenix Pill story arc with this episode. I think. I’m pretty sure. I...do not remember this episode at all, really. Like I said last week, most of what I can recall is from the mockery of a YouTuber I used to follow. But I am unshackled from his opinion! I watch this episode with new eyes! Let us see what sights I shall witness!

...

I should have listened.

I wasn’t prepared for this.

So, here’s the plot. They’re on a snowy mountain. Why? No clue, I guess they just wanted to go skiing. Ranma isn’t skiing, Cologne shows up, they start to fight a little, and she reveals that there’s some competition going on, and the winner gets a date with Shampoo and if Ranma wins he gets the Phoenix Pill.

Everyone gets made because of the date with Shampoo part, even though...like, it’s really obvious that he’s just doing it for the pill. There’s a lot of forced conflict over that, and it ends up being just Cologne vs Ranma. It looks like he’s winning, she offers to make this all about their duel. If he wins, he gets the pill, if she loses, he has to marry Shampoo.

When Ranma accepts those terms, she immediately starts wiping the floor with him, and nothing he does makes a difference. In the end, the only way to win is to get Shampoo’s help. She turns into her cat form, which terrifies Ranma until he starts using Cat-Fu. That is actually able to kick Cologne’s butt, and eventually she gives up and hands over the pill. Ranma turns back to his uncursed state, happy to be cured, but he did it in a women’s bath so he looks like a pervert. THE END.

I’m...going to start by talking about the few things I liked here. I think having Cat-Fu being the way to defeat Cologne is a pretty cool idea, especially since it was that story that began this arc. Little bit of a full-circle thing.

There was a decent smattering of cute Akane stuff, and I like that she once again is the one who can immediately calm down the raging Cat Ranma. Not only that, but the Shampoo stuff wasn’t bad. The episode showed off her more scheming side, as she was happy to use Cologne’s plan as a way to steal Ranma’s affections and get a date from him, but in the end she was also happy to work against that plan just to help Ranma out. Plus, Ranma purposefully playing on her love for him was a pretty classic Ranma thing to do.

That’s all my niceness.

This was, by my estimation, one of the biggest drops in animation quality I’ve ever seen. That episode of Gurren Lagann where everyone is super off model? That looks like that show at its best compared to this episode. There’s just...so little animation, and what we do have is frequently full of errors. It’s an action-heavy episode, too, and none of it looks good.

It was bad-funny at first, but after a while...it just became hard to watch. So much reused animation, so many errors, so much still shots. I am not an animation person! I normally don’t care about any of this! But is actively made watching this more difficult.

It’s also just...an underwhelming way to end the arc. They’re just randomly in the mountains, no reason why. Cologne bets everything on a fight against Ranma, he finds a way to win, here’s the pill. Some of the ideas could have worked, I think, if given proper backing. But there’s just nothing here.

Not only that, but wow the dub was bad here. Not only was this a case where, because I preferred Cologne’s Japanese actress and she was in it a lot it was better, but also because the translation for the dub was terrible. There’s one line change that is so baffling, it turns a kind of okay line into something incomprehensible. I was looking forward to my watch on the sub, if only so I could figure out what had just happened.

Hey, why not, the arc is done, let’s talk about Cologne. Neither of her voice actresses are incredibly well known, but at least her Japanese voice actress, Miyoko Aso, has also been Pinako Rockbell in Fullmetal Alchemist and Shoga from Inuyasha. (She also passed away in 2018, after living quite a long life. Rest in peace.) The english voice actress, Elan Ross Gibson, is also fairly unknown, with her biggest work being as Baba in one of the Dragon Ball Z dubs.

As I mentioned before, they do play the character differently. They’re both going for “wizened old woman”, but Gibson’s Cologne is a lot more...toothless? She mostly sounds tired and bored. Aso gave the character a lot more life, more energy, and it’s that performance that’s working much better for me so far.

As a character, Cologne is...okay. She’s a very old Amazon warrior, the first character to appear who is, flat out, far stronger than Ranma. She serves as both an obstacle, what with the whole pressure point scenario, and a mentor, teaching him his signature move. There’s a sense that as much as she is trying to get one particular thing for him, namely marrying Shampoo, she’s also interested in seeing how he’ll develop, she’s impressed by his potential to grow stronger.

That said, she’s not even close to being among my favorite characters. She’s useful for dispensing exposition or teaching techniques, but her plots to get Ranma to marry Shampoo just...feel kind of boring to me. That’s genuinely all I have to say about her, at least for now. But who knows? Maybe one day my tune will change with this rewatch.

Y’all, I think it’s obvious, but I didn’t like this episode. I have no hesitation saying it was worse that Dr. Tofu’s mom’s episode. But the real question is: is it worse than the clip show? One was basically nothing, the other the active presence of bad. How you weigh one versus the other is a matter of personal preference, but for me, I’m going to say this episode was worse. At the very least, the season 1 finale had the animation from good episodes to show us.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’  

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 19: Clash of the Delivery Girls! The Martial Arts Takeout Race

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 23: Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan

Episode 17: I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye

Episode 20: You Really Do Hate Cats!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 21: This Ol' Gal's the Leader of the Amazon Tribe!

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Episode 18: I Am a Man! Ranma's Going Back to China!?

Episode 24: Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen

But that’s it! The story arc is done, and next week...I can’t believe it. I’m so happy! With next week’s “The Abduction of P-Chan”, we’re starting a little arc I’ve been dying to revisit for ages! If you’re watching it on the Hulu order, then you’ve already seen it, but I’ll talk more about that next time! See you then!