#Bc I keep getting WEIRD SHIT all over it
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I love being totally alone because I get to unmask and not talk and not have anyone see if I’m doing something Wrong but also if I am left alone for more than an hour I do end up destroying half my living room with some sort of Project
#ok to rb#I have swept this room more times this week than we normally do all year#Bc I keep getting WEIRD SHIT all over it#glitter. confetti. bits of fabric. string. paper. dirt. paint flecks.#whoooooops
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#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#javier escuella#john marston#jovier#uhhh its implied i guess#im working on other stuff but ill leave this here in the meantime#sorry for only ever drawing these two im not normal about them#thank my social anxiety for not letting me act crazy on here bc otherwise id be so annoying 🙏#ive been taking it all out on my notes app it looks fucking BAD in there#anyway#john is so hard to draw I hate him and his stupid giant eyes </3#gotta get better at drawing then both tbh#thats why its taking me so long to post#I keep drawing shit and then deleting it#ok weird rant over if anyone reads my tags im sorry#my art
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had a really funny idea for an ask blog ft. Vanny and another plex employee oc,,
#Get this right. 2 pizzaplex employees accidentally get tumblr famous bc someone has been leaving weird graffiti everywhere and#Getting up to other shenanigans and sends asks abt it to this one like urban exploration blog. Who later gets an ask basically like#Hey I work at the plex?? This is some insider info only another employee would know????#The two anons are constantly back and forth in this persons inbox and are eventually assigned nicknames#‘Pix’ for the mystery vandalism employee because she shows up as nothing but weird pixels and glitches on cameras#The other employee is ‘Cam’ because they have been monitoring all this on the cameras#One day they get each others blogs and keep sending each other death threats and shit jokingly but one day pix warns cam not to go to a#Weird late staff meeting#The next night it is literally just the two of them and they think this is so funny they start a blog trying to uncover why everyone else#Just isn’t coming in. At first they are like well layoffs duhhhh#But then ppl send asks and messages like ‘hey have u seen this employee it’s my brother/friend/etc’ and they realize shit is actually going#On in here#One night cam is live-blogging their shift and sees a weird intruder in a costume with a knife and runs around eventually escaping and find#Pix lying at the bottom of a stairwell unconscious with a bloody nose later#Takes pix to the hospital. Only to be alone in the plex the next night and suddenly get a phone call saying that pix left the hospital. Bc#Pix left cam as the emergency contact because ‘she didn’t have anyone else’.#Cam has to survive the masked intruder#eventually starts recording everything but when the intruder gets closer the footage gets glitchier#Eventually there’s just one fuzzy image of the intruder with Roxy and Monty standing on either side and that’s the last we hear of cam. Nex#Post is pix saying hehe thanks for following our little story aha !! Bye now it’s over!! And that’s it…..heheheheh#Killer rab blog has become a little boring for me so… might start this soon….#I’d have to make like 2 blogs plus some fake dms too probably . Damn
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#meg talks#feeling really down and frustrated#ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly#it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems#to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain#but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out#before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books#and keep up w friends all while working full time#like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations#now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off#im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections#but i feel so slow abt everything i do#it’s driving me up the wall#ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long#and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts#and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore#and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it#bc of this fuckass job#idk im just tired and upset
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literally almost cried at work today because the kids were screaming and freaking out and I was so stressed and I only made it through bc one of the kids gave me a big hug as soon as he came in and then told me I was his favorite staff member a bunch of times 😩
#he hugged me a few times it was so sweet. he came in and gasped when he saw me and ran over and hugged me#and then immediately started telling me all about tornadoes#later he was like 'i dont wanna go anywhere unless youre going' so i went with him and he staid at my hip the whole time#him and one other little girl are really attached to me for some reason and they keep fighting over who gets to sit with me its really cute#hes only been with us for like a month but hes my favorite i love him so much hes so sweet and weird#the other staff just think hes weird bc he talks about the randomest shit like hes obsessed w godzilla and natural disasters lmfao
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although i dont appreciate the way karma tried to befriend you, her having to quit tumblr because of you being this drama driven rly isnt the vibe and its an ungoing theme of yours whenever you feel threatened, just saying…
girl i don’t have the time or energy for you people. i didn’t drive anyone off the app bc if you look at my blog, there has been no post before yesterdays ask that indicated anything about her to send her any anons. and before i posted the ask (which was threatening and harassing me btw) she’d already closed her inbox from anons harassing her. wtv anons were harassing her are not due to me bc idk this girl and quite frankly, i don’t care about some girl i hardly know exists 💀✋🏽 you know what i do care about tho ?? not getting asks sent to me that are obviously her. and not having asks answered ab me that are also obviously her sending them to herself. that’s weirdo behavior and yall will blame the person dragged into things unnecessarily before actually holding the person who started it accountable. if i wanted to send a whole army of ppl to bug her i would’ve said something a long time ago about the multiple anon asks that she’s been sending but i simply blocked and moved along bc i didn’t want to spark anything—and contrary to what most of you think, i don’t actually enjoy dogpiling a bunch of anons at a specific person. but i am also not a silent taker of weird ass anons in my inbox so when i receive an ask like “oh ur gonna be in trouble if ur jealous ass doesn’t watch it” i’m gonna set my boundaries. it’s ridiculous. one thing about me is i at least say everything with my whole chest on my own page, i don’t sneak around on anon on multiple pages because i have some self respect and i encourage you to develop some too bc speaking on something you have not the full story too is mainly embarrassing on your part
#i am just as confused as the next person what even happened and what it gotta do w me bc i didn’t say nothing bffr#i would never like anyone to feel uncomfortable on their own blog space and i usually keep to myself and try to remain peaceful so that#everyone can have a place on here and just have fun over our shared interests#but i also am not tolerant of repeated weirdo behavior targeted at me so eventually i will put my foot down#and if that’s the case that is not my responsibility like you should not be starting shit with random people and making them uncomfortable#w your weird ass anon asks to them and urself about them#that’s all i gotta say#anyone else that has something to say can take it to court#i’ll see u there if u manage to get a court date#my lawyer will be cat
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me
#i feel like absolute shit rn fsdjkl#i think i talked too much today even though i barely spoke at all#but every time i talked someone else had smth to say and then the leader guy had to keep coming back to me like ''what were u saying?''#which was rly nice of him but like. if i just kept my mouth shut then he wouldnt have had to do that at all fdjskl#i mean like. he did ask me questions directly a few times. so he was trying to help me have opportunities to speak#but fsjkl i just. i feel bad for talking bc i know everyone else wants to talk constantly#and i can do without speaking fsdjkl i just... i kept stumbling over my words so badly and it was rly embarrassing ;-;#but i'd get nervous and panicked bc i knew i'd be interrupted at any second so i was just trying to find the shortest way to say my thing#but then i'd trip over my words bc i was so nervous and it'd take too long#and i just felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into my tone so i probably sounded rly flat today and i just. urgghhh#holding my head and tugging at my hair. why can't i just be normal dgjkl why am i so fucking annoying and weird and difficult#i dont know 😭 today was rly difficult bc i was just feeling kind of awful and like i was in the way all day#i did find some yarn colours i need at a flea market though and also some dip pens that i've always wanted to try#i figure $3 is a steal of a deal to try out dip pens instead of buying them brand new for like $30 fdsjkl#so there was something good from today! i just feel like i was annoying to be around all day idk fdsjkl#i honestly probably was totally fine sdfjkl i just. argh#and i hate going to stores w the centre bc i end up following the group leader around after a while bc i dont ever buy anything#i look around at the stuff i like to look at and then i am done and don't want to be a nuisance by being hard to find when everyone-#-else is done so i just figure sticking by the group leader is the best idea. stores dont like when i hang around the front for long fdsjkl#but then i just feel like a weird little kid trailing after their parent 😭 i wish i could just be an AdultTM but augh augh augh#what a fucking weird thing for me to do dsfjkl i just. dont know what else to do bc stores get annoyed w me if i wait at the front#and i dont want to wait outside bc then they'll forget im out there and look for me inside when theyre done LMAO#if i had income then maybe i'd be able to spend longer looking at things but fdsjkl theres only so much looking u can do when u dont buy#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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nah its weird being in your early 20s, being surrounded by friends going thru some sort of early adulthood crises and "holy fuck im never gonna amount to anything im already 21, im never gonna be making money im never gonna be famous" -thoughts when like. all of the media you consume is by people who are well into their 30s and often, 40s
like i feel like im so chill about this partly because i feel like if this random mid class guy who got famous for the first time off of a podcast he started at 35 after working restaurant and retail jobs ........ anythin can happen u can do new shit after 27 girl
#idk#rant#tw existential crisis#tw existential dread#tw existentialism#of COURSE not to say retail or restaurant jobs arent important#in anticipation of the comments im prolly gonna get cause this is tumblr#but like i know those are the jobs 95% of people HAVE to work and dont like and ppl get worried theyll get stuck-#-in jobs they dont like#idk man.#so many of my favourite artists have only started to BEGUN pursuing their art after theyve turned like. 31#a bit chunk of the critical role cast was like. almost 40 when they STARTED!! the show!!!#not that they are now but that they started#granted all of them were sorta famous already ig but thats not the point bcs cr is what theyre known for and they started it later#justin mcelroy was a married 30-something at the beginning of mbmbam#like. idk its weird i sometimes wanna just like take my friends by the shoulders and go Hey.#u were a teenager Yesterday. give yourself some slack and enjoy your life#no matter what it looks like#and not to say that having crises and shit isnt valid god it is i do it all the time#but its good to keep urself grounded yk. remember that everything Will be okay even if youre not a lawyer by 23#or if you dont know where youre going at age 23#i just think its given me so much perspective and chillness to this whole. life is long thing. to have these “”“role models”“”“-#that are older than me#idk reminds me that literally Nobody. literally nobody achieves that influencer lifestyle at 19 life#its nice. anyway#rant over#vent
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hrmm considering upping my prices for any fullbody art wayyyyyy way up bc of how hard they r for me to finish especially with characters im unfamiliar w/ drawing (aka most comms)
#🐠.txt#i keep!!! fucking myself over by accepting fullbody comms bc they usually offer over $50 which is a already big amount to me#and i need the cash n all but then i am staring at my canvas for hours trying not to have a meltdown bc i cannot get myself to Just Draw It#and like $50 felt like proper pricing at the time but i really gotta factor in my weird brain shit n disabilities when pricing for My effort
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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh
#toy txt post#i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like#i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and#knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know#what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the#concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit#anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit#toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist#obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis#silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon#and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew#how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons#so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead#of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown#grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas#and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her#put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis#who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the#roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they#released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of#chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the#one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and#gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces#that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have#well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃
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hehe
#me def not being good director w regard to one specific weird little subset of our club#but then also being reminded that#no one ever fucking responds to me in those discord channels ;-;#i wanna ask smth but like i asked it a while ago and they just . ignore the message ;-;#but still no i did like .... do rly bad there bc i just kinda let it be#and now we're coming up on show#and we're not Unprepared#but we're not ...... incredibly prepared lol just regarding this one thing but we have some time#but#i just want to stop like mentally beating myself up over it lol#and like i need to let myself ask stupid shit rn#but i've also been thinking abt it like the entireeeee afternoon and havent done shit so#😀😀😀😀#jeanne talks#SENTTTTTT the message#i also keep telling myself like fuck u for not doing very well w it like all of last semester/this one so far lmfao but#u can try to do more now ;-; even if they hate u and r judging u for it 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#which there is absolutely no evidence of except in my imagination c: <3#bro (me) shut the fuck up ;-;#can i get OUTTA MY HEADDDDDDD BRO#doesnt help that they haven't responded LOLLL altho it has only been a couple hours . but#also lowkey . i should probably just give up on work at thihs point based on my productivity the entire evening#and go to sleep early#but i probably wont lmfao#also bc my cat is just like on my back rn and i dont want her to move#i'm laying on my stomach on the couch and she's on my back lol#c:#i feel like having my roommate .. be here would help lmfao#so im not just 100% in my head alone all the time#but ya know cant wish for the impossible <3
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hey @humans saw yall responded to a post making fun of you for updating the pixel alignment of a dash icon rather than fixing anything important saying "changes like this feel small but can make a big difference for some people" which is a bullshit cop out if ive ever heard one so im here to tell you directly in a way you cant wiggle out: you know what would actually make a big difference for a LOT of people? not being transphobic assholes
#that response was so deeply annoying to me like they couldve been like 'yeah its not big but it was technically an update#so we had to include it in the update report' but they tried to frame it as 'well ackshully everyone was BEGGING us to perfecltly#align this pixel so youre WELCOME' and its like. man fuck off you dont get to throw a fit that your userbase is pissed off about#repeated blatent bigotry and then try to act like youre doing us a favor moving an icon a smidge#yall know exactly what the users want you to do to improve this site and are ignoring it because you dont actually give a shit#but you cant say that bit out loud so you have to keep talking circles around it because you know the dirty queers are the main people#keeping your site the tiny bit afloat it still is but are unwilling to actually treat us well so you have to#talk in circles and pretend you give a shit and hype up minor updates like theyre godsend while fucking over trans people anyway#anyways i hope the transphobe on staff is the one who opens this tag notification#just kidding thats all of them because if youre willing to keep a transphobe on your team and allow them to make changes#that directly target lgbt people then you are all transphobes#whats that saying thats like 'if you have 3 nazis and 9 regular men at a table you have 12 nazis'? that#i dont actually expect them to respond to this post bc like. theyre obviously already aware people are mad about this and have just been#avoiding the subject especially if PIXEL ADJUSTMENT is something theyre responding to instead but#w/e#also moving an icon slightly does not make a big difference for anyone sorry not sorry i guarantee if it hadnt been#included in the updates post not a single person would have noticed or cared#they just need something to pad their uodates post out with so people hopefully eont notice the glaring lack#of 'fired the transphobe' 'unblocked queer tags' 'turned off the image filter that targets trans women a lot for some weird reason'
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#need to get this out#oh the ideas i am cooking#M would quit the OSI at the start of s6 bc she would be reassigned so she said fuck this .#<- really have been thinking on this SgH personality and whatnot would so fit w her better than like his total character change#like the parental advice . the overstepping . the everything she would own that .#JVS i think would become the new vd in that i think they would just put his head where the BM's head was#and he gets a new frame so hes back to his old self but its slightly taller than how he used to be#torn between idea of R is hired by the OSI to revive him similar to vstein but i like the idea of JVS taking over vd because of what#that adds to TM arching him#i think it would play out like JVS kills VD in that moment and billy as a dr has to choose to save him via replacing VD -> JVS is alive now#world if s6 and s7 had more eps and s6 didnt have to be finished in s7 and then tossed aside bc it really felt like they just had those eps#there to finish off s6#thing to think abt is the weirdness of JVS being alive again and how that affects the world i think the OSI would tell TV to keep it under#wraps for now so he is mostly kept inside the home and it pisses everyone off#my art#i almost feel like i need to tag my rewrite stuff sorry i love the women so much and also dont think brock is more boring than hatred so#im rewriting all that shit
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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Homestuck ships can so easily be "experts warn that polycule could expand to cover all of seattle" style, but then that sucks so much bc nobody else ships it but you
Nepeta: :33 < This is my moirail Equius, and his matesprit Karkat, and Karkat's boyfriend Dave, and their girlfriend Jane
#LIKE HOW PERFECT WOULD THAT SHIP BE#Movie nights would be absolute hell. None of these bitches can shut up for a movie except Equius and#he would be busy holding Nepeta back so he can't take out Karkat's eye over shipping disagreements#like Jane/Dave/Karkat (all dating) is the amazing and (qpr) Nepeta/Equius mixed with (romantic) Equius/Karkat is THE best dynamic#so just throw those together and you get perfection + Equius and Dave's interaction in cannon is great already#I wanna see them all thrown in a hive/house and just see how it works#I wanna see Nepeta‚ Jane‚ Equius‚ and Dave all painting their nails together on the floor (Karkat's off reading a book somewhere nearby)#Nepeta and Jane are the only ones who actually know what they're doing so they end up painting Equius' and Dave's too (respectively)#Equius DOES try to paint his own at first but his fine moter control still isn't that great rn (though he's getting better)#so he keeps getting it all over his actual hand.#When he starts to get anygry and frustrated after so many mistakes is the point where Nepeta offers to help him#He ends up getting nails that /SO/ do not fit his color scheme (bc he didn't actually request any color and she just did what she wanted)#but he doesn't complain. He just looks at her handiwork fondly bc how could he ever be upset over something she so lovingly did for him?#Also Karkat helps Nepeta rearrange her shipping wall. He thinks all of her choices are incorect and complains the whole time‚ but it's one#of those things he'll do while grumbling when it's a ''Hey this is weird‚ though it makes my weirdo happy so fiiiiiiiiiiiine''#Dave annoys Equius to death but they're still friends.#Just with a bit more insults and degrading comments that Equius will apologize for later when things settle down.#I mean it's not like they don't have super fun times between themselves tho. You've seen their conversation when Dave got the broken sword#Also Equius was canonically attracted to Dave during that conversation so like.....#And unrelated to that: If Karkat and/or Dave are ever having a fight with John they bake shit to annoy him#Everyone prefers when Karkat's the one to do it though because Dave ''Doritoes is a food group'' Strider makes the house smell like smoke#while Karkat's baking is only ever sugary goodness#It's an easy way for the God of Wind to lower the house's temperature by like 40° but who the fuck cares when there's cookies and/or cake.#*Jane (<- It think. I'm p sure I put ''John'' on accident but tumblr wont let me see my tags in full anymore so I can't tell)#On second thought‚ I believe Jane only dislikes cake and Betty Crocker stuff specifically#but fuck it we're already in au land so why not add more hcs to the mix#url rambles
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