#Bc I keep getting WEIRD SHIT all over it
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I love being totally alone because I get to unmask and not talk and not have anyone see if I’m doing something Wrong but also if I am left alone for more than an hour I do end up destroying half my living room with some sort of Project
#ok to rb#I have swept this room more times this week than we normally do all year#Bc I keep getting WEIRD SHIT all over it#glitter. confetti. bits of fabric. string. paper. dirt. paint flecks.#whoooooops
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🌻 for Edge?
🌻 (sunflower) - What’s something your character has grown out of? Did it happen gradually or was it a drastic change? What caused this shift?
When Edge was little, he was actually entirely nonverbal! I always like to imagine most Papyri are quiet when very young, and took a while before their first words, but few to the same degree.
Id say it was both gradual and drastic, as he started offering a few sparse words to Red when he was around 6-9, but once they were on their own, there was more pressure to "act normal", so he wound up forcing himself to verbally communicate more frequently than he would've chosen.
Whiiich also sort of answers the next part! It was mostly pressure from "the outside world" (the rest of the underground). Pretty much anything can be perceived as a weakness, and since "quiet" reads more as "shy" for a child/teen, Red discouraged Edge from communicating predominantly in Hands.
#look at that thing.#thing that looks at you#wait does anyone else know that meme that’s like I hired this [picture of character staring] to [picture of character staring] at you#him#it was bad enough he was weird just by behavior but then red was like. ok. you have to stop acting like a character from the shining. speak#one normal sentence. and then little edge would say some shit like is death just a concept or the most true form of existence#and red is like. ok. we need to work on this#ominous little edge my beloved <3#red also told him to keep himself safe by any means so there were plenty of times he’d just like.go through a wall to get away from someone#air walk over a ravine. shortcut straight out of there. like honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d garnered rumors of being spirits#maybe ghost monsters possessing skeleton bodies…#anyway#kiok0r0#clear sky sunset#snow and hail#sun spots#uf edge#underfell papyrus#I will actually also make this this weeks uf papyrus Monday post bc I thought I’d have the other one done today too and I Did Not </3#uf papyrus monday#all the same ty for the ask I’m sorry for all the tags <///3#🌸❕✨#capricious skeletons#babybones
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had a really funny idea for an ask blog ft. Vanny and another plex employee oc,,
#Get this right. 2 pizzaplex employees accidentally get tumblr famous bc someone has been leaving weird graffiti everywhere and#Getting up to other shenanigans and sends asks abt it to this one like urban exploration blog. Who later gets an ask basically like#Hey I work at the plex?? This is some insider info only another employee would know????#The two anons are constantly back and forth in this persons inbox and are eventually assigned nicknames#‘Pix’ for the mystery vandalism employee because she shows up as nothing but weird pixels and glitches on cameras#The other employee is ‘Cam’ because they have been monitoring all this on the cameras#One day they get each others blogs and keep sending each other death threats and shit jokingly but one day pix warns cam not to go to a#Weird late staff meeting#The next night it is literally just the two of them and they think this is so funny they start a blog trying to uncover why everyone else#Just isn’t coming in. At first they are like well layoffs duhhhh#But then ppl send asks and messages like ‘hey have u seen this employee it’s my brother/friend/etc’ and they realize shit is actually going#On in here#One night cam is live-blogging their shift and sees a weird intruder in a costume with a knife and runs around eventually escaping and find#Pix lying at the bottom of a stairwell unconscious with a bloody nose later#Takes pix to the hospital. Only to be alone in the plex the next night and suddenly get a phone call saying that pix left the hospital. Bc#Pix left cam as the emergency contact because ‘she didn’t have anyone else’.#Cam has to survive the masked intruder#eventually starts recording everything but when the intruder gets closer the footage gets glitchier#Eventually there’s just one fuzzy image of the intruder with Roxy and Monty standing on either side and that’s the last we hear of cam. Nex#Post is pix saying hehe thanks for following our little story aha !! Bye now it’s over!! And that’s it…..heheheheh#Killer rab blog has become a little boring for me so… might start this soon….#I’d have to make like 2 blogs plus some fake dms too probably . Damn
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#meg talks#feeling really down and frustrated#ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly#it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems#to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain#but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out#before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books#and keep up w friends all while working full time#like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations#now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off#im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections#but i feel so slow abt everything i do#it’s driving me up the wall#ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long#and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts#and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore#and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it#bc of this fuckass job#idk im just tired and upset
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literally almost cried at work today because the kids were screaming and freaking out and I was so stressed and I only made it through bc one of the kids gave me a big hug as soon as he came in and then told me I was his favorite staff member a bunch of times 😩
#he hugged me a few times it was so sweet. he came in and gasped when he saw me and ran over and hugged me#and then immediately started telling me all about tornadoes#later he was like 'i dont wanna go anywhere unless youre going' so i went with him and he staid at my hip the whole time#him and one other little girl are really attached to me for some reason and they keep fighting over who gets to sit with me its really cute#hes only been with us for like a month but hes my favorite i love him so much hes so sweet and weird#the other staff just think hes weird bc he talks about the randomest shit like hes obsessed w godzilla and natural disasters lmfao
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although i dont appreciate the way karma tried to befriend you, her having to quit tumblr because of you being this drama driven rly isnt the vibe and its an ungoing theme of yours whenever you feel threatened, just saying…
girl i don’t have the time or energy for you people. i didn’t drive anyone off the app bc if you look at my blog, there has been no post before yesterdays ask that indicated anything about her to send her any anons. and before i posted the ask (which was threatening and harassing me btw) she’d already closed her inbox from anons harassing her. wtv anons were harassing her are not due to me bc idk this girl and quite frankly, i don’t care about some girl i hardly know exists 💀✋🏽 you know what i do care about tho ?? not getting asks sent to me that are obviously her. and not having asks answered ab me that are also obviously her sending them to herself. that’s weirdo behavior and yall will blame the person dragged into things unnecessarily before actually holding the person who started it accountable. if i wanted to send a whole army of ppl to bug her i would’ve said something a long time ago about the multiple anon asks that she’s been sending but i simply blocked and moved along bc i didn’t want to spark anything—and contrary to what most of you think, i don’t actually enjoy dogpiling a bunch of anons at a specific person. but i am also not a silent taker of weird ass anons in my inbox so when i receive an ask like “oh ur gonna be in trouble if ur jealous ass doesn’t watch it” i’m gonna set my boundaries. it’s ridiculous. one thing about me is i at least say everything with my whole chest on my own page, i don’t sneak around on anon on multiple pages because i have some self respect and i encourage you to develop some too bc speaking on something you have not the full story too is mainly embarrassing on your part
#i am just as confused as the next person what even happened and what it gotta do w me bc i didn’t say nothing bffr#i would never like anyone to feel uncomfortable on their own blog space and i usually keep to myself and try to remain peaceful so that#everyone can have a place on here and just have fun over our shared interests#but i also am not tolerant of repeated weirdo behavior targeted at me so eventually i will put my foot down#and if that’s the case that is not my responsibility like you should not be starting shit with random people and making them uncomfortable#w your weird ass anon asks to them and urself about them#that’s all i gotta say#anyone else that has something to say can take it to court#i’ll see u there if u manage to get a court date#my lawyer will be cat
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did y'all know that apparently i'm a good dancer. who'd have thought
#i keep being told that irl lately#yesterday i kinda panicked from an assignment that requires awareness of my body and movement#(bc well. yknow how bodies are. esp when you're fat + trans + got chronic pains) (also i was off balance hormones wise)#and both our director and choreographer were surprised by that#they said that i seem to have very good control of my body and how to move it and such#which is funny bc ngl. i do not move much lol. i mean i used to barely get out of bed or off the couch before i joined this program#i didn't actually dance properly in years. in part bc my stamina is shit lmao 😭 which is also part of why i panic over this stuff#so. being told this stuff is 3 different types of distressing kinda#1 bc it catches me off guard 2 bc it changes my perspective of myself 3 bc i'm scared it'll develop expectations that i can't actually meet#anyway. been stressed by physical assignments and practices since i joined practically all the time#but i remember the first time i did i got praised for it. it was like. exaggerated acting like a silent film#and apparently i had enough control of my body to pull it off. again. who'd have thought#this is so weird this is a topic i rarely unpack bc i just assumed i lost all ability to dance or even control my body properly#and bc my body always feels like an enemy. so i usually don't even wanna try#but i'm going against my nature practically all the time these days bc i love theater and i love my group mates a lot. hm#anyway this was. a long and meaningless ramble#tomorrow we're working exclusively with our choreographer which doesn't happen much if at all so i'm a bit worried#i considered telling her i can't come but i feel like another day of rotting in bed won't do me any good 😭😭#vent#i guess. technically#letting out thoughts heh. this does help process shit i must admit
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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might be tmi/dark, but kinda have come to the realisation that a lot of my problems, and why i’m like this™️, is because i genuinely thought i’d be dead before now. either bc i have been dealing with major chronic depression, since i was a kid, and the fucked up ideations that come with that. or from having severe medical issues in my early twenties. basically, i just thought i was gonna die, and i’m not and it’s weird to deal with
#being 25 and not having your life be the way you want is one thing#but also dealing with the fact that you thought you’d be dead before you were 18 is something else entirely#bc it’s just like ‘now what?’#and it’s not like i don’t still suffer from depression#like i literally have a depressive disorder#and so every time i get through one and i’m still alive it’s kinda wild all over again#bc i genuinely don’t really know how to live? i don’t know how to exist?#and i keep having to relearn every couple months#and it’s a weird way of going through life#also i became disabled a few years back and i had to not only adjust to being alive#but being alive in a completely different body#one that doesn’t work the way it used to and having my whole life changed#and it completely fucked me up#and continues to fuck me up like fucking every day#so again just ‘now what?’#and this year has been hard for me#and i don’t know how to react to the new year bc i don’t know what it‘ll bring#and i wanna be positive but i can’t help being anxious#even if it’s good it feels bad#if that makes sense?#idk i have a weird brain we know this#i also somewhat have a fear of death despite it all which let me tell you does NOT help matters#but yeah sorry for all the weird talk#now back to your regularly scheduled gwen#(i disappear or i post weird shit and no one knows which it’s gonna be)
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nah its weird being in your early 20s, being surrounded by friends going thru some sort of early adulthood crises and "holy fuck im never gonna amount to anything im already 21, im never gonna be making money im never gonna be famous" -thoughts when like. all of the media you consume is by people who are well into their 30s and often, 40s
like i feel like im so chill about this partly because i feel like if this random mid class guy who got famous for the first time off of a podcast he started at 35 after working restaurant and retail jobs ........ anythin can happen u can do new shit after 27 girl
#idk#rant#tw existential crisis#tw existential dread#tw existentialism#of COURSE not to say retail or restaurant jobs arent important#in anticipation of the comments im prolly gonna get cause this is tumblr#but like i know those are the jobs 95% of people HAVE to work and dont like and ppl get worried theyll get stuck-#-in jobs they dont like#idk man.#so many of my favourite artists have only started to BEGUN pursuing their art after theyve turned like. 31#a bit chunk of the critical role cast was like. almost 40 when they STARTED!! the show!!!#not that they are now but that they started#granted all of them were sorta famous already ig but thats not the point bcs cr is what theyre known for and they started it later#justin mcelroy was a married 30-something at the beginning of mbmbam#like. idk its weird i sometimes wanna just like take my friends by the shoulders and go Hey.#u were a teenager Yesterday. give yourself some slack and enjoy your life#no matter what it looks like#and not to say that having crises and shit isnt valid god it is i do it all the time#but its good to keep urself grounded yk. remember that everything Will be okay even if youre not a lawyer by 23#or if you dont know where youre going at age 23#i just think its given me so much perspective and chillness to this whole. life is long thing. to have these “”“role models”“”“-#that are older than me#idk reminds me that literally Nobody. literally nobody achieves that influencer lifestyle at 19 life#its nice. anyway#rant over#vent
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hrmm considering upping my prices for any fullbody art wayyyyyy way up bc of how hard they r for me to finish especially with characters im unfamiliar w/ drawing (aka most comms)
#🐠.txt#i keep!!! fucking myself over by accepting fullbody comms bc they usually offer over $50 which is a already big amount to me#and i need the cash n all but then i am staring at my canvas for hours trying not to have a meltdown bc i cannot get myself to Just Draw It#and like $50 felt like proper pricing at the time but i really gotta factor in my weird brain shit n disabilities when pricing for My effort
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hehe
#me def not being good director w regard to one specific weird little subset of our club#but then also being reminded that#no one ever fucking responds to me in those discord channels ;-;#i wanna ask smth but like i asked it a while ago and they just . ignore the message ;-;#but still no i did like .... do rly bad there bc i just kinda let it be#and now we're coming up on show#and we're not Unprepared#but we're not ...... incredibly prepared lol just regarding this one thing but we have some time#but#i just want to stop like mentally beating myself up over it lol#and like i need to let myself ask stupid shit rn#but i've also been thinking abt it like the entireeeee afternoon and havent done shit so#😀😀😀😀#jeanne talks#SENTTTTTT the message#i also keep telling myself like fuck u for not doing very well w it like all of last semester/this one so far lmfao but#u can try to do more now ;-; even if they hate u and r judging u for it 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#which there is absolutely no evidence of except in my imagination c: <3#bro (me) shut the fuck up ;-;#can i get OUTTA MY HEADDDDDDD BRO#doesnt help that they haven't responded LOLLL altho it has only been a couple hours . but#also lowkey . i should probably just give up on work at thihs point based on my productivity the entire evening#and go to sleep early#but i probably wont lmfao#also bc my cat is just like on my back rn and i dont want her to move#i'm laying on my stomach on the couch and she's on my back lol#c:#i feel like having my roommate .. be here would help lmfao#so im not just 100% in my head alone all the time#but ya know cant wish for the impossible <3
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hey @humans saw yall responded to a post making fun of you for updating the pixel alignment of a dash icon rather than fixing anything important saying "changes like this feel small but can make a big difference for some people" which is a bullshit cop out if ive ever heard one so im here to tell you directly in a way you cant wiggle out: you know what would actually make a big difference for a LOT of people? not being transphobic assholes
#that response was so deeply annoying to me like they couldve been like 'yeah its not big but it was technically an update#so we had to include it in the update report' but they tried to frame it as 'well ackshully everyone was BEGGING us to perfecltly#align this pixel so youre WELCOME' and its like. man fuck off you dont get to throw a fit that your userbase is pissed off about#repeated blatent bigotry and then try to act like youre doing us a favor moving an icon a smidge#yall know exactly what the users want you to do to improve this site and are ignoring it because you dont actually give a shit#but you cant say that bit out loud so you have to keep talking circles around it because you know the dirty queers are the main people#keeping your site the tiny bit afloat it still is but are unwilling to actually treat us well so you have to#talk in circles and pretend you give a shit and hype up minor updates like theyre godsend while fucking over trans people anyway#anyways i hope the transphobe on staff is the one who opens this tag notification#just kidding thats all of them because if youre willing to keep a transphobe on your team and allow them to make changes#that directly target lgbt people then you are all transphobes#whats that saying thats like 'if you have 3 nazis and 9 regular men at a table you have 12 nazis'? that#i dont actually expect them to respond to this post bc like. theyre obviously already aware people are mad about this and have just been#avoiding the subject especially if PIXEL ADJUSTMENT is something theyre responding to instead but#w/e#also moving an icon slightly does not make a big difference for anyone sorry not sorry i guarantee if it hadnt been#included in the updates post not a single person would have noticed or cared#they just need something to pad their uodates post out with so people hopefully eont notice the glaring lack#of 'fired the transphobe' 'unblocked queer tags' 'turned off the image filter that targets trans women a lot for some weird reason'
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#need to get this out#oh the ideas i am cooking#M would quit the OSI at the start of s6 bc she would be reassigned so she said fuck this .#<- really have been thinking on this SgH personality and whatnot would so fit w her better than like his total character change#like the parental advice . the overstepping . the everything she would own that .#JVS i think would become the new vd in that i think they would just put his head where the BM's head was#and he gets a new frame so hes back to his old self but its slightly taller than how he used to be#torn between idea of R is hired by the OSI to revive him similar to vstein but i like the idea of JVS taking over vd because of what#that adds to TM arching him#i think it would play out like JVS kills VD in that moment and billy as a dr has to choose to save him via replacing VD -> JVS is alive now#world if s6 and s7 had more eps and s6 didnt have to be finished in s7 and then tossed aside bc it really felt like they just had those eps#there to finish off s6#thing to think abt is the weirdness of JVS being alive again and how that affects the world i think the OSI would tell TV to keep it under#wraps for now so he is mostly kept inside the home and it pisses everyone off#my art#i almost feel like i need to tag my rewrite stuff sorry i love the women so much and also dont think brock is more boring than hatred so#im rewriting all that shit
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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everything is terrible actually
#I really just need a hug I think#I havent had real serious physical affection in so long#I know I dont deserve jt no one does and Its a fucked up thing to make other people do things to help me#But fuck dude I just want someone to come up to me and grab my hand or hug me#My platonic partner used to do it all the time but we're on a break and I need to rely on them less#I keep befriending people who dont like physical touch and I am gonna stab something#Truly I just need one person who I can lean on or cuddle with casually#Ideally more than one!! But like. Idk#I need to get over myself this isnt an actual need im acting selfish and entitled#I know that the only real answer here is Get Over It or die#And ive been trying to get over it for years#Ive stopped initiating physical touch bc I dont want to make people uncomfortable#And im worried that that means that people assume I am uncomfortable with it#Bc I never mention how deep a need it is to me to know im even just being tolerated#But if I mention that theyxll feel pressured#Ugh#The worst part is I cant actually kms bc of this until at least after May is here cause I know that she's good with that stuff#And maybe once shes here i'll be okay#Happily codependent with the person ive been close with for the longest time since fourth grade#But ughhhhhhhhh terrube to have to wait over 400 more days. I will do it for her but oh ny god I am rotting from the inside out#I do not want her to come home to a decayed corpse but I dont knkw how much longer I can keep this up#(Not talking specifically abt touch that would be weird and dramatic as shit this is generally Everything)#May forgive me if u come to seattle and im a shell of the person I was when u met me
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